Episode 1000604053939

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:09 Adam Hell yeah!

1:11 Hell yeah, Drew.

1:11 Drew Hell yeah.

1:11 Voiceover Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That's my partner and my bro, Dr. Drew, everybody. This close to dropping Trow. This close. I will drop Trow. Chris, Chris. I will drop Trow.

1:27 Drew Don't mention it because he'll do it. I swear to God, the guy's nuts.

1:30 Adam I'll drop Trow. I'll try to go. He'll do it.

1:34 Drew He's trying.

1:34 Adam He's done it.

1:35 Drew Don't even talk that bad. The guy's out of his mind. It's crazy. Tell him you're watching.

1:39 Adam Oh, look what you did.

1:40 Drew Adam, look, I just spilled coffee all over Lauren. Did you whack Lauren? Yes. Hot coffee. I sent her back to the microwave to make it boil.

2:02 Adam Drew is such prima donna that he sends a junior, producer, Lauren to heat up his coffee. Even though his coffee is warm, it's not scalding hot.

2:11 Drew But you should have brought it back scalding hot. I just threw my arms back and-

2:15 Adam And I was threatening to drop Trow and Drew was gesticulating with his arms. And right as she was handing him the steaming microwave mug of, yeah. Let me say this about microwave containers, by the way. I'm getting to the point, you know, my batting average with microwave containers over at the house, I'm batting about 10%. Meaning one out of every 10 dishes I got actually works in a microwave. First off, I did the world's stupidest thing is the last set of dishes I bought, I found these really nice dishes, had this ring of silver around them. I thought, oh, that looked great. It's a beautiful looking thing. Brought them all home and then realized when I got home, none of them are going into the microwave.

2:54 Drew Well, you can do what I did. You get the dishes and bowls that heat to the surface of the sun. So you can sizzle your hand off every time you reach into the microwave.

3:04 Adam And then when I look into the bowl, there is a fat Minnesotan who's fishing in it. He's ice fishing. He's going after crappy. It's like, how is a bowl the surface of the sun and the temperature colder than the air?

3:19 Drew Yeah.

3:20 Adam Okay. Here's what I understand. It was in a can in the cupboard. How is it physically colder than the ambient temperature when A was sitting in the cupboard and pull out of the refrigerator.

3:31 Drew And now it's in a bowl that's on fire.

3:32 Adam And B, now it's in a bowl that's on fire. It's a molten chalice and no, still cold. Bowl burning. And then I started thinking to myself, I don't really have too many bowls that work too well. And then I started thinking, I'm not a molecular scientist. Let's just go ahead and make them all, whatever it is. Let's do it.

3:50 Drew How about a little universal, like a little dot that appears on them if they're not microwave good. You know what I'm saying? Just a little indication, just a little heads up. There's nothing, zero.

4:00 Adam Let me tell you this, let me tell you this too. We finished, as I said, there's things we're still going on and things we're done with. As I said, the ketchup packet, little pouch of ketchup that somebody, we signed off as Americans, we signed off in 1951 with. I could get people to get back to work on that. I like it a little better at that. Everything I like them to work on. Let's get metal into the microwave. Now, aha, because this is the last technological hurdle of our time right here, which is, there's nothing worse. You get the stupid Chinese food, they give you that little, aha, there's something we could focus on a little bit too.

4:38 Drew You get those trays.

4:39 Adam That you get those Chinese food, you get the little.

4:42 Drew By the way, do you have to have your fingers lacerated every time you eat Chinese food? Just lifting the edges up of that or putting it back down? You gotta cut my fingers in the trays.

4:50 Adam Forget about that. No, that's the Italian food.

4:52 Drew Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.

4:52 Adam Okay, so here's the thing. The Italian food comes in the foil tray that takes a thousand acrobat midgets to get the top perfectly sealed again. You cannot slide that stupid thing in. Once you pop it, you better eat it. Because you'll never get the thing all peeled back, the lip peel, that will not go in the microwave, by the way. And you know, everyone knows the best part of the takeout clings to the container. You know, that's the greasy, that's the gelatinous part, that's the congealed part that's stuck at the bottom, that red fat, you know, it's kind of clear, but it's a little terracotta color. That's the best part of the meat sauce, am I right, Drew? That'll never come loose. That's going right into your sponge, give you botulism down the road. Here's the thing, that container needs to be able to go into the microwave and the Chinese food container, complete with the metal wire hanger thing, those days are gone too. That thing needs to go into minus the wire thing. All right, we need to work on those containers as well as the packet and I once, and I will give the Nobel Peace Prize to the man that can invent the microwave that can handle metal. Imagine the utopia we would be living in.

6:07 Drew Chris is giving an amen.

6:09 Adam When you put a little metal in that, am I right Chris?

6:11 Drew That's great, we need to set up for Chinese food. Next caller!

6:15 Adam The microwave, I'm going to strangle, Anderson, turn that ass down, I'm going to strangle you. Oh, the thing is so goddamn loud in my head, thank you. Now, what was I saying Drew? Oh, I can't, it's so looood.

6:32 Drew Trays, microwave.

6:33 Adam Microwave, yeah. Yeah, they've been around for 35 years. It's time we conquer this barrier. And it's not insurmountable, we can do it. Metal in the microwave everybody.

6:43 Drew It might be, we don't know what the technology is that's I know it, I know we got the right stuff.

6:48 Adam And if our scientists can't do it, we turn to Mexico for help, okay?

6:54 Drew Okay. Or Hawaii.

6:56 Adam Or Hawaii. Or Hawaii, the two greatest scientific powers of our time.

7:01 Drew Just kidding, now make a poke and find an Adam for them.

7:03 Adam Not a great, both scientific powers.

7:09 Drew I wanna go to Hawaii! Jenny, what's up? There you are, Jenny.

7:17 Adam What's happening?

7:19 All right, I had a boyfriend and he, I don't know, he wasn't like a good guy, he was like a skinhead and I wasn't really into them and I broke up with him and I had a bladder infection after that and I took care of that.

7:38 Adam Bladder infection.

7:39 Bladder infection, took care of that, went to the doctor, got an antibiotic and then now ever since that I've had this smell that won't go away down there.

7:49 Drew Well, do you know for sure that this was a urine infection? It wasn't a vaginal infection to start with?

7:55 Yeah.

7:56 Drew You were tested, you had the urine tested? A P test. The urine was cultured and they grew an organism, yes?

8:04 What?

8:05 Drew As far as you know. Well, look, the possibility is A, that he gave you another kind of infection, not just a urine infection, but a vaginal or even pelvic infection, so that needs to be checked out. Or number two, maybe this is just some sort of bacterial overgrowth or yeast infection even.

8:22 Well, it's not going away.

8:23 Drew Has it been treated? No. Jenny.

8:28 Adam Oh, man. Jenny Dump.

8:29 Drew Yeah. Go see a doctor. Let me be super ultra very clear. Go see somebody. You have an infection.

8:36 Adam Let's take a nice woodworking question tonight. Oh, Drew, punch in his mic. Only seven minutes in.

8:40 Drew Where's the woodworking?

8:42 Adam We don't have one. It sounds like we are. I know it got you excited enough to sock the microphone. But let's take a woodworking question tonight, a real woodworking one.

8:52 Drew That's because you've been really triumphing at your house today, right?

8:54 Adam I've been doing a lot of woodwork, a lot of woodwork, lots of woodwork. Lauren?

9:01 Drew Caller, who goes by Lauren?

9:03 Oh, hello.

9:04 Drew Yeah.

9:07 Adam Good. What's up?

9:08 Well, actually, I was just wondering, I'm on birth control currently, the pill, and I was just wondering, how many days into the pill after my period can I start having sex?

9:21 Drew Really to be very certain, you're supposed to go to the second packet. So, right away, as soon as you start the second packet.

9:32 And when I'm on the white pills or the sugar pills, is it okay to have sex then, too?

9:37 Drew Yeah, yeah. Well, once you're covered, you are covered continuously by this product.

9:41 Adam The second packet is the second month?

9:44 Drew Yeah.

9:44 Adam Once you start on the second month.

9:46 Drew You can have sex.

9:47 Adam So, when do you start? Will you start the pill as soon as you get the pill, or will you wait till after your period and then start the pill?

9:55 Drew Yeah, well, it's an interesting question. Nowadays, I think most doctors would say you just go ahead and start. They used to time it with the period and this and that. Now they just go ahead and just start it. Just start it up.

10:03 Adam Right.

10:03 Drew It'll delay your period, but who cares? Get you covered. It's much more safe that you're not get pregnant.

10:09 Adam All right, Darren Lauren.

10:11 All right, thanks.

10:13 Drew All right, use condoms also.

10:15 All right.

10:16 Adam Calling from New Mexico. Nice area out there.

10:19 Drew Yeah, but it's.

10:20 Adam Beautiful country. Fantastic country. Horrible people. Beautiful. Beautiful scenery, though.

10:27 Drew Awful people.

10:28 Adam Great country.

10:30 Drew That's a state I've never been to.

10:31 Adam New Mexico?

10:31 Drew I've been to every state except Maine and New Mexico.

10:34 Adam Yeah. New Mexico's nice. I think I've been there. Sedona. That's in New Mexico.

10:38 Drew It's in Arizona, isn't it?

10:39 Adam Sedona, Arizona. Yeah. Well, then, what the hell is that? What's that?

10:42 Drew Albuquerque and...

10:44 Adam Yeah, but doesn't New Mexico have one of those funky, crazy, Nouveau, Artzo, Faggot... Oh, that's Santa Fe. Well, I've been to Santa Fe. Is it near Sedona? All right, I've got to look into this.

10:58 Drew No, you're not. I am. All right.

11:00 Adam Drew, you're going to look into this. Monique?

11:03 Yes?

11:04 Adam You're 20?

11:05 Caller Yes.

11:06 Adam What's happening?

11:07 I can't believe I'm on the phone with you guys.

11:09 Adam We're pretty excited about talking to you, too. You're 20. What's going on?

11:13 Caller Actually, my husband cheated on me and got another woman pregnant.

11:22 Drew Thus, that is why 20-year-olds should not get married?

11:26 Caller Yeah. We have a daughter.

11:29 Drew Oh, that makes a difference. Kind of does.

11:31 Caller Yeah. We've been together for about five years. And so, my question is, I'm just wondering, I'm kind of up in the air of whether I should stay with him or not.

11:41 Adam Well, yeah. He cheated on you. He got somebody else pregnant. Was he having a long-standing affair with this person or was it a one-time thing?

11:52 Caller Well, actually, from what they tell me, it happened twice.

11:57 Adam Go ahead and put three zeros behind that number.

12:01 Drew Are they planning to break up?

12:04 Caller What?

12:05 Drew Are they planning to break up?

12:07 Caller Well, he's saying that it's over. They're not talking right now. He's, you know, of course, he's filming. He loves him. He wants to work it out.

12:16 Adam Well, let me ask you this, though. Interesting question. You said, they told me. How did that work out?

12:23 Caller Well, actually, it's a weird situation because this girl and him have been friends. And here I am. I'm trusting, thinking they're just friends. I've talked to her on the phone. And when he told me she was pregnant, first thing I asked him, how many times did you sleep with her? He said twice. I called her to make sure it was true. And I said, how many times, Evelyn? She said twice.

12:43 Adam Twice is, hold on. Let me talk to Drew for a second, because I'm just I'm thinking about lying here and how liars work. Under. Ten times under 20 times means once it was a it was a chance encounter. Do you know what I'm saying?

13:01 Drew Yeah.

13:02 Adam I mean, I mean, you can go any direction you want here, but here's all I'm saying. If there's a girl, I got my wife busted me and I was screwing around and I had at her multiple times. It would be once. If it was a long standing thing, it would be twice.

13:18 Drew Right.

13:18 Adam It'll be a couple of times.

13:20 Drew Well, here's what I find.

13:20 Adam Couple of times means long stand.

13:22 Drew Yes. What? I totally agree with you, because what is there in a two? A genuinely two contact experience that has to be discussed about whether we're going to break up. Yeah. We'd hooked up. That's it. It's a mistake.

13:34 Adam Also, in a genuine two contact, it gets passed off as one.

13:39 Drew Yeah, that's right. That's right.

13:40 Adam Because here's all I'm saying. You blow out of town. You hook up with some groupie or something. You do it once. You're having an affair with someone at work. You say twice. But twice just means multiple and once means a hooker.

13:55 Drew And the fact that they had to have a discussion, are you going to break up? Right. Well, why would you break up with somebody you sort of passed in the night?

14:04 Adam Someone's pregnant now, Monique.

14:06 Caller Yeah.

14:08 Adam So at least they got on, at least your husband's smart enough that they, him and her got on the same page with the twice stuff.

14:17 Drew Yeah.

14:17 Caller But you know, that's what I thought that obviously they talked about it before or they did have to talk.

14:21 Drew Yeah.

14:22 Caller I'm not really sure.

14:23 Adam Well, either way. So is she going to have the baby?

14:27 Caller She is. He's tried talking to her and putting it up for adoption, blah, blah. She's not going for it.

14:33 Adam Yeah. Is she in love with him or what does she want?

14:36 Caller She's already causing problems for him. He's out of my house. He's gone for now.

14:40 Adam He's out of your house, yeah?

14:42 Caller Yeah.

14:43 Drew Sounded like she.

14:44 Adam Sounded like she too, but he's out of your house.

14:47 Caller Yeah, he is.

14:49 Drew And he's dragging on a cigarette, it's 20. Yeah, he's 20.

14:52 Caller He's been talking to her about abortion. She's not with that. That's fine. A woman's choice. But she won't give it up for adoption. She's been causing him problems, calling him all the time and it's just a big mess. And my only concern is we have a daughter together.

15:07 Adam And now where is he? He's out of the house.

15:09 Caller Yeah, he's staying with the guy he works with.

15:13 Drew Oh, right. Did you refrain from just choking down that cigarette while she's nervous, Drew?

15:18 Adam She's on the phone. It's late night.

15:19 Drew It makes me short of breath. Just listen to that.

15:21 Adam She's going for the mile high city. You can smoke. You can smoke in Denver. It doesn't affect you the same way it affects people at sea level, Drew, or literally on the ocean side, because it's illegal in Santa Monica, first rate killer, first rate killer.

15:35 Drew I feel like I'm getting some secondhand smoke just talking to me.

15:38 Adam All right, look, she's nervous, she's outside, it's late at night. Let her blow a butt. Monique, he's out of the house. Okay, so I guess the question is, do you think things are worth salvaging with this guy? I'm glad you're factoring in your daughter.

15:56 Drew On behalf of the child, is it worth salvaging? He wants to.

15:59 Caller She's my biggest concern.

16:02 Drew He wants to try to work it out.

16:05 He wants to be there for his family.

16:07 Caller And you know, that's the weird thing, too. We haven't had any problems before this. We haven't been fighting. It was just out of the blue.

16:12 Adam All right. Well, listen, keep in mind, unfortunately, and I don't have to tell you this, now that this woman is going to see this kid through to full term, and he's going to have a son or a daughter, and he's going to have to be involved. That means. Pay for. Pay for financially, and also he's going to have to spend time if he chooses to, and he should choose to. Well do you want to hang? I mean, hold on. Let me talk to Drew. That is a tough question. Who do you want for your dad? You know, I mean, do you want a dad who can sire a child and not see the child to be the father of your child? You know what I mean? I mean, a guy who can shut himself off that way and say, well, I mean, we never really talked about how this works.

16:57 Drew I wonder if a guy like this could handle, I mean, parenting one child, and now you take whatever he's got to give one and split it out in a weird situation with another. It's like the whole thing fall, wheels come off the wagon.

17:08 Adam Yes. So here's my point. If this chick won't give the kid up for adoption, then I'm sure she's not. And this guy does his chore, which is pays his child support and some contact or visitation or whatever, Monique is in for a double duty dad, and I'm guessing this guy's probably about five eighths of a dad right now.

17:34 Drew That's what I'm saying. I'm saying the same thing.

17:37 Adam So what's that mean?

17:39 Drew It means we can't answer it.

17:40 Adam Monique? Does he have a job?

17:44 Caller He's a diesel mechanic.

17:46 Adam Makes OK money?

17:48 Caller And I'm in school right now. And that's the thing, you know, I mean, I've worked so hard so my family can, you know, have a good life. We have to worry about money too much and then here I'm going to have to pay for another kid and.

18:00 Adam And the other thing, too, is can you forgive him every time he you see him writing a check over to Miss Nosy Snatch over there and, you know, you know, you ain't going on vacation this summer because he's got another mouth to feed across the way. Is that you're going to see with anger every day, you know, and that's the other thing.

18:23 Caller And then when this kid, obviously, I'm going to have to be a part of this kid's life. And I, you know, I don't want to treat this kid bad.

18:29 Drew No, no, no.

18:29 Caller I think he had control over, you know.

18:32 Adam All right. Here's what I say you do, Monique. I say you let this guy back in your life.

18:38 Drew I mean, we can say that too. I think Monique has a moral compass. I think Monique is very mature, a fairly astute compass that she can rely upon and we can direct and tell her to do what's right. Yes, yes.

18:50 Adam You're a decent person. This guy gets to come back in and when he does come back in, you're going to have to just let it go. He's going to have to, he's going to have to be financially supportive and, and you, but don't let him back in if you're going to seethe and harbor this against him. And I don't think you're going to.

19:06 Drew No, I think she's capable of forgiveness. But because you have a good compass like that.

19:09 Adam But he's on a short leash.

19:10 Drew Yeah, you got to lay down the law because the things that you think are right or wrong are right and wrong. And that's what you should expect him to apply by. That's it.

19:17 Adam Right. And you just focus on your kid and luck, everybody. This is why when you're with someone since the ninth grade, you don't get married at 19.

19:27 Drew That's how I opened that call. You just don't get married at 20.

19:31 Adam No, you've been with them because look, as a 21 year, as a 20 year old dude, you're not done. You haven't even gotten started. Dr. Drew is a man of colossal passion, supreme mammoth passion.

19:45 Drew Yes.

19:45 Adam You at 20. Finished? No. Barely. Barely underway. If it was a marathon, you would have just, you would still be waving at people as you're leaving, going down Main Street, not even finishing mile number one. If it was a passion marathon, which is going to be on Cinemax tonight, by the way. Passion marathon.

20:13 Drew You were correct, sir.

20:14 Adam Every once in a while, you know, I see those, uh, Emmanuel in, in, in Haiti, you know, and I, I just, I, I, I tap into it, but you know what? I'm too far gone. That watch for, I see a little ass cheek and a fake blue.

20:26 Drew What do you mean, too far gone?

20:27 Adam I need the hard stuff. You know what I mean? It doesn't, you know, I look at it.

20:30 Drew Well, that's, that's for women. The song.

20:32 Adam Oh, it is?

20:32 Drew It is?

20:33 Adam It used to be for me.

20:35 Drew When you had nothing else.

20:36 Adam Yeah, I had nothing. Yeah. That was all we had.

20:39 Drew It was film. You'd sit in the theater and watch that.

20:43 Adam You know, I landed, I fell in the cracks between the porn theater and VCR, like, you know, too young for the porn theater. And then by the time I would have been old enough to go see a porno stag film in a theater, the VCR started trickling in, not at the Corolla house, of course, but I had friends who had VCRs.

21:09 Drew You had beta.

21:11 Adam Yes. Papa Corolla did see fit to get a beta machine from Radio Shack, where he bought exclusively. Let me tell you.

21:20 Drew You had a long career in editing, didn't you?

21:21 Adam I would call my dad a high-fi connoisseur, but he only bought the speakers that had the speaker wire soldered to the back of them. You know, that big hole in the piece of cardboard in the back and the little skinny speaker thing that was about six feet long going into it?

21:42 Drew Yes. People would not know what you're talking about, but yes, I know exactly what you're talking about.

21:45 Adam My dad's stereo equipment. He had an eight-track, a cassette player, a turntable, and the tuner all in one unit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was like James Bond.

21:58 Drew Tom.

21:58 Yep.

21:59 Drew What's going on?

22:00 Adam 21. What's up?

22:02 I have a girlfriend who, she's 28, she has two kids, and we've been going out for about a year and a half now. And I don't know, just lately, she really hasn't been treating me well, and just like we have all kinds of fights and arguments and stuff like that.

22:16 Drew You're done.

22:18 What's that?

22:19 Adam Tom, are you one of those nerd guys?

22:21 No, not at all.

22:22 Adam What's your thing?

22:23 I don't know, I guess I'm just like Drew, I'm a man of great passion.

22:28 Adam You guys should have some sort of passion off.

22:35 But anyway, like...

22:35 Adam You produce the most passion. Well, wait a minute. Do you go to school?

22:39 I work.

22:40 Adam Where do you work?

22:42 I'm a waiter at a restaurant. All right.

22:45 Adam Glad you call yourself a waiter, not a server, by the way.

22:47 Drew Does your girlfriend work there, too?

22:48 No, she doesn't.

22:51 Adam So, your girlfriend is coming off of a rocky relationship?

22:56 Years and years and years ago, yeah.

22:59 Adam Well, you're 21. It seems like a long time for you, but for her, it's not too far back.

23:04 Caller Well, she was like 21, 22, something like that. Her kids are like six and seven now. Yeah.

23:11 Adam So, she got divorced how long ago?

23:16 Caller Like before I even knew her, I don't know, five, six years ago.

23:19 Drew You've known her for?

23:19 Adam Yeah, he's been with her for like three years, a year and a half. Right. And so, anyway, she was with an abusive guy. All right. Shocking that we knew that, by the way. Because all the girls that were with the abusive guys always just hook up with young, nice guys because it's a no-pressure situation.

23:38 Drew Except when the feelings actually do emerge and you do get connected, then they got a sabotage.

23:43 Adam Yeah.

23:44 Caller We really did connect, like, from...

23:46 Drew I know. And now she's got to break it apart. Tom, now is the part where she has to...

23:49 Adam She's chaotic.

23:51 Drew Now is when she has to break it apart. Because this is that stage.

23:53 Adam She's chaotic because her family was chaotic. So she got attracted to the chaotic guy, got married, crapped out the kids, realized it was wrong, he became too abusive, they broke up. She said, I want a nice guy, got a nice guy and a young Tom from Fullerton and then couldn't tolerate it. Can't handle it.

24:12 Drew That's where she's at right now.

24:14 Caller But my question was, like, because even the kids, her two boys, like, don't like their dad at all. And they've become, like, really attached to me because, like, I've been a good dad to them for, like, the last year and a half. And my question is, like, what kind of effect would it have on them if I were to break it off with them?

24:29 Drew Not good, but unfortunately you have, as far as I know, absolutely no say in all this.

24:34 Adam Yeah.

24:35 Drew It certainly appealed to your girlfriend about this that I happen to believe that once you're involved in a kid's life like that, you should not be allowed to leave. You should at least dedicate eight years to that child's life.

24:47 Adam Eight years?

24:47 Drew Yeah. I think the male or female figures moving in and out are extremely destructive to young kids. And you're in now and you've made sure, you know, here's the problem.

24:57 Adam I had a handful of those in my life.

24:58 Drew You shouldn't have been such a GD rescuer and gotten yourself involved this way, but you're there now and there's a responsibility that comes with that. I mean, Tom, has it got to be in control and intrude on everybody, care of everybody?

25:10 Adam He's in over his head. He's 21. He's got a screw ball with some baggage. Boy's going to end up stabbing him in his sleep in a few years. When he gets drunk on some Mickey's Big Mouth after huffing a little copier toner.

25:24 Drew Nice.

25:25 Adam Here's the point. I don't know. This may want to put a fork in this one.

25:31 Drew I think so. Unless, really, it's got to go in with the other. Either they're going to get married and get her treated, and then two for being so rescuing. They might survive.

25:42 Adam This is, remind me to talk about something when we come back. Saw a little thing, a little snippet of Scooby-Doo, which, by the way, someone has to explain to people, Scooby-Doo blew when it was a cartoon. Blew heavily.

25:54 Drew Heavily.

25:55 Adam Heavily.

25:55 Drew No story.

25:57 Adam Blew heavily. All right, but I saw something on Scooby-Doo and I want to talk about it and get your opinion on it and we'll talk about that after this. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Greg Proops in here, comedian Greg Proops tomorrow night, and then Ethan Zahn from Survivor, one of my favorite survivors in here. Tomorrow night, that'll be Wednesday, actually, Greg's in here tomorrow. So, here's the thing. I saw a movie trailer for Scooby-Doo, and like I said, it blew heavy chunks when it was a cartoon. A lot of people don't remember this, but it was a horrible cartoon.

26:53 Drew As were all the cartoons in the 70s, be fair.

26:55 Adam Yeah, some better than others, but this was on the bad side. So, anyway, during the trailer, they showed Scooby and Shaggy doing whippets off a whipped cream can. At first, I wasn't quite sure what it was, but it was just Scooby took a suck off the can and blew his head up, and then Shaggy took a suck off the can. And I thought, hey, wait a minute, this is nitrous oxide. This is how you get high.

27:25 Drew Yeah, are you gonna show five year olds how to do this, eight year olds?

27:28 Adam Well, yeah, seven and eight year olds. But I thought if I watched this movie and I went home and there was a can of whipped cream in the refrigerator, I would suck off it.

27:36 Drew Yeah, I beg your pardon.

27:37 Adam Actually, I would say, still, it's not a bad buzz. Drew, you never, nitrous? Oh, it's great.

27:43 Drew Really? Oh, nitrous, oh yeah.

27:45 Adam Nitrous at the dentist's office is great. Nitrous in the whipped cream can is great.

27:48 Drew Yeah, I remember when you had a bad trip at the dentist's office.

27:50 Adam I had a bad trip at the dentist's office because he gave me nitrous and he started doing a root canal on me and I had picked out a CD to listen to and it was a Manhattan Transfer Christmas CD and I was listening to White Christmas while this guy was scraping away at my roots. And yeah, I had a bad trip. I'm a big enough man to admit it. Nicole?

28:14 Hi.

28:16 Adam You're 17? What's up?

28:19 Caller I want to know if girls had a white dream.

28:22 Drew Absolutely.

28:23 Adam They do?

28:25 Drew They're not as predictable as a male's. In other words, women have a certain amount of sexual tension and buildup. Men have a specific, almost predictable buildup that has to be relieved.

28:36 Adam Yes.

28:36 What, I had one like in the morning or something?

28:40 Adam Well, okay, let me ask you this. If a girl dreams she has an orgasm, she pretty much has a wet dream. Whereas a guy could dream he had an orgasm and not have a wet dream. Now, as a man of exquisite passion, perhaps you couldn't identify with that, Drew. I think Drew's going back into the annals of his passion-filled career to figure out, has he ever had a wet dream where he didn't actually produce anything, but actually had a dreamy and an orgasm, didn't have an orgasm. Yes, once in a while you dream you're urinating and don't wet the bed, and once in a while you dream you're orgasming and don't wet the bed.

29:17 Drew I'll buy that. But sometimes I think it's hard to tell.

29:22 Adam I know. Oh yeah, because the stuffed animal is stuck to me as I get up the next day.

29:28 Drew Well, yes, it's obvious when you have had. I have to. There's an intermediate zone.

29:32 Adam I have to use a flat bar to...

29:35 Drew Get your winky blanket off.

29:37 Adam Tigger off the joint. Nicole?

29:40 Caller Nicole?

29:41 Adam So, have you had a dream where you had an orgasm?

29:47 Caller I woke up in the morning and stuff has been there, but I didn't know if that's what that was.

29:51 Adam What do you mean?

29:52 Drew Well, no, no, no, no. Having a wet dream is not just having a discharge. It's having a dream because it's usually during REM phase. It's during sleep dreaming cycles. Well, so you remember it for the most part. You remember having a sexual dream.

30:05 Adam But as a woman, if you don't produce anything, when you have an orgasm, then you'll never have any physical manifestation of it.

30:12 Drew Yeah, the wet spot is sort of irrelevant. It's really more about the dream.

30:17 Adam If you had an orgasm when you were awake, would you have moisture? Yeah.

30:23 Drew To the point that you leave something behind?

30:26 Adam Yeah, that's her calling card. You know what my calling card is, Drew? An actual calling card. I actually have a calling card. It's interesting.

30:35 Drew It says my calling card on it.

30:36 Adam Yeah, and I go, ah, my calling card. And it's actually a card.

30:40 Drew That says my calling card.

30:41 Adam That says my calling card. Yes. Yeah, that is my calling card. It's a little redundant, but it gets the message across and then people have your number instead of just putting a Z or flaming arrow or something. You know what I mean? An actual calling card with a number on it.

30:54 Drew Of course.

30:55 Adam That's my calling card. All right, so she's okay.

30:59 Drew But you're fine. Listen, don't worry about the mission so much as the whether you had a dream with or sexual arousal. If you're having discharge, that should be checked out separately.

31:08 Adam All right, Michael?

31:10 Yeah.

31:10 Adam You're 23?

31:12 Caller Yes, I am.

31:13 Adam Your 18 year old girlfriends folks don't like you?

31:16 Caller No, they don't.

31:17 Adam They disapprove of the age difference?

31:20 Caller Yes, they do.

31:21 Adam What else do they disapprove of?

31:23 Caller Yeah.

31:24 Caller Well, see, that's the thing. She hasn't really told me in depth the reason why it's going on. All I know is that we've been dating for about three months here coming up on Friday. And she's like told her parents. And at first they're like, well, you know, cause we were dating and then she just happened to mention that she was my girlfriend.

31:48 Adam All right, look, I want to talk about you. What are you doing?

31:51 Drew What are you for living?

31:52 Adam What am I doing?

31:53 Drew Yeah.

31:53 Adam Yes.

31:54 Caller As in why am I dating a 23 year old?

31:56 Drew How do you support yourself? How do you support yourself? Are you going to school?

31:59 Caller Oh, I am a full time nursing student and I'm a CNA.

32:04 Adam What's a CNA, Drew?

32:06 Drew I'm what? I'm a nursing assistant.

32:09 Adam Certified assistant.

32:10 Drew But I'm just wondering, we're wondering why the folks would object to you. So we're trying to see what kind of case they're building.

32:16 Caller I think the only thing is, is that I'm 23 and she's 18. Because I've never talked to them. They never expressed that they-

32:26 Drew All right. I'm all right with Michael. That's his only move is to try to make a relationship with the folks.

32:31 Adam Hey, Michael, though, whatever you do when you're nursing, do not wear those white earth shoes. Those funky nursing white leather shoes where the toes are higher than the-

32:44 Caller Yeah, they don't have it back to them.

32:47 Adam That's kind of cloggy. But I'm talking about this. Yeah, and in general, do they have to wear those creepy, weird, he-she, hermaphrodite, funky shoes? Hold on a second. Let me say this to you, Drew.

32:59 Drew You're looking for comfort, Adam, not style.

33:00 Adam Don't guys have enough difficulty who go into the nursing profession actually just being a nurse that you have to further humiliate them with some embarrassing white funky shoe? Why not just give them a flowered apron and a candy striper skirt? Do you know how to make them lick a giant lollipop and force them put their hair in ponytails? I mean, the shoe is like unnerving. Every time I go to a hospital, it's like, and I think to myself, do they really need a special nursing shoe? All they seem to do is walk up and down with clipboards. Occasionally they shove a thermometer up someone's took eye. Couldn't they just wear something comfortable?

33:36 Drew A lot of them do. They work in Nike and running shoe.

33:40 Adam It's the weird leather white ones that are funky. And then it's that sort of unisex, cloggy, earth shoe, smooth, big, bulbous toe. Something with some laces and just a little, little bit of color in it. Something that looked like the guy might just throw a crescent kick to the back of your head or take you out with a flying heel or something, you know? Something that smacks of a, something athletic. Instead of that weird sort of, these guys are like eunuchs in their weird white shoeed outfits. They'd be better off just wearing stiletto heels. Because at least that's a choice. They're caught in some sort of weird sexual netherworld where they're not quite men and they're sure as hell not women. You know what I mean? They're just right in there. Okay.

34:27 Drew Yeah.

34:28 Adam Well, think about that, Drew.

34:29 Drew I'm thinking.

34:30 Adam And let them wear some nice Nikes or New Balance. Can they do that?

34:33 Drew Yeah.

34:35 Adam They can't.

34:35 Drew I've seen that.

34:36 Adam They can't, they can just go, they can go to the foot locker and get some high top Jordans.

34:40 Drew I'm sure different hospitals have different regulations, but I have seen nurses in nice athletic shoes.

34:45 Adam Male nurses.

34:46 Drew Male nurses, for sure.

34:48 Adam Michael?

34:48 Caller Yeah.

34:49 Adam Do you get to wear normal nurse shoes that aren't...

34:52 Caller I think the major thing about those shoes is the fact that they're totally enclosed. So if you're spilling type of fluid on your feet, they will not seep into your skin.

35:01 Adam How about a nice oil resistant sold work boot with a steel shank in it, you know?

35:08 Caller Goofy, a work boot would work like a local scrub, though.

35:12 Adam Nah, I think anything's gotta be better than those funky he, she, earth shoes.

35:17 Caller Supposedly they're extremely comfortable. Me, I wear New Balance shoes.

35:21 Drew What are you worried about seeping into your skin?

35:24 Adam Some hobo comes in there and drops a bad load on the, come on.

35:29 Drew But use your head. What is it that you're gonna get through landing on your skin?

35:33 Caller You know, you're walking down any spillsome urine on your feet or something. I mean, that's what I suspect that they can have.

35:40 Drew Yeah, but what is it you're concerned about contracting that way? I guess you're worried you might track things from-

35:45 Caller Just the fact that I'm walking around with, you know, urine in my sock.

35:48 Drew Right. You might bring it to take it room to room and stuff.

35:51 Adam Come on, Drew. You're a doctor.

35:52 Drew I'm trying to figure out what the reasoning is.

35:54 Adam Use your brain. Michael? So like, yeah. All right, look. Her parents don't know you. You seem like a decent guy. I don't know if they have to like you. She's 18. She can start... Is she gonna go to college? What's she gonna do?

36:10 Caller Okay, right now, she graduated a year early from high school. She's a CNA, a MAT, not a MAT, I'm sorry, a CMA, which is a medical assistant. And she's halfway through her LPN school. After she gets her LPN and RN, she wants to go to California and get her...

36:27 Adam All right, listen, I say BFD. But here's the point. She's over 18. She's an adult now. If you guys are in love and you sound like a decent guy...

36:37 Drew It's fine. Word of advice, skip the go to California part.

36:41 Adam That's right.

36:41 Drew Just leave that part out.

36:42 Adam Stay there.

36:43 Drew Well, not just stay there. Now that we have enough traffic, enough congestion, the cost of living, the taxation, you don't even imagine what you're getting into.

36:51 Adam Plus we're number one on the terrorist hit parade.

36:54 Drew Oh, are we now?

36:55 Adam I figure we are. I figure they gotta go west coast on this one.

36:59 Drew Really?

36:59 Adam Well, I got two thoughts about it. One is the terrorists...

37:03 Drew Think of the United Nations when they hit us.

37:05 Adam Terrorists took out the east coast. So as terrorists, you kind of want to show your range.

37:12 Drew Yeah.

37:13 Adam I mean, you kind of want to say to the world, you're not safe wherever you are. So to me, as a terrorist, hitting New York again seems sort of like, well, these guys don't got the legs to make it out to the west coast. The targets are opportunity, but not the crown.

37:34 Drew San Francisco would be pretty...

37:36 Adam Well, here's my feeling, though. Then I have another feeling. LA is really the last bastion of terrorist support. We got all those gay actors out here that do actually sort of sympathize with the terrorists. And the terrorists would probably like to see a nice Democrat in office that we, you know, the Martin Sheen's of the world and a lot of the actors, a lot of Hollywood support and the Barbra Streisand's of the world could probably get into office. Plus you blow up LA you blow up LA you blow up downtown LA you kill 15,000 people, you get three whities. You don't get a lot of white, you don't get the white guy. White guy's hard to find in LA. You get everything. You probably get more of your own than he actually, you probably will get more Middle Eastern folks than you'll actually get white people. So you got a bad white count here. That's a bad thing. Although you got that in New York too, but you blow up the financial center, you get higher. I'm not sure who they're interested in killing, but I'm guessing their ideal thing would be, blue-eyed, blonde-haired people, right?

38:39 Drew They want our airport too, they like that.

38:41 Adam Like the airport. I'm just saying, you terrorists, you don't want to piss off all the sort of bleeding hard liberal actor types out here, who you piss them off, they may vote Republican and next thing you know, they're coming after you. See what I'm saying? It's your last area of support. We have like rallies for you guys out here. Come on, we're your friends, you know? And then the rest of the LA people are just sort of indifferent people that snuck over here in a tunnel or an inner tube or something and don't necessarily even know where you are. We're not your enemy. Yeah, folks on Chicago. I agree with Drew. San Francisco, I agree with Drew. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

39:20 Loveline, will be right back.

39:40 Adam It's The Loveline, everybody. Dr. Drew's talking to the old ball of chain over there. Trying to get off the phone. Yeah, God bless women. I'm Adam.

39:58 Yeah. Show's starting.

39:59 Drew I got to go.

40:01 Adam Now, here's how it works. And listen, women-

40:02 Drew And I said, by the way, our boss is here.

40:04 Adam Women- By the way. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Listen to Loveline. All right. Here's the thing about women. Women are like old people. They, you know, when I tell my grandma, someone's on the other line, it's sort of half registers, but it doesn't, they're sort of like kids and old people in that, well, okay, there's somebody else who exists on the planet and you're telling me about this other person, but it still doesn't really supersede me. Like I still got whatever I got to work out. Like, you know, when you tell, like you tell like a seven-year-old kid, okay, now you've played with the toy long enough. Let's let the other, well, I think the eight-year-old understands the concept, but doesn't really mean as to him. He's still not done. Do you know what I mean? He understands it, but he's still gonna give it back. Right? This guy's got a little bad in him. What's she need? Nothing? Nothing. Let's take a little woodworking question.

41:08 Drew Fantastic.

41:09 Give you a little break.

41:11 Drew Laura?

41:11 Yes.

41:12 Adam You're 27?

41:13 Caller Yes.

41:14 Adam Let's break it up tonight and take a woodworking question. What do you got?

41:17 Caller Okay. Do you ever watch Norm Avery on Yankee Workshop?

41:22 Adam Norm Abram.

41:23 Caller Norm Avery?

41:25 Adam Abram.

41:25 Caller Abram. Oh, my bad.

41:28 Adam Abram. Norm Abram.

41:30 Caller For real?

41:31 Drew No, we never heard of him.

41:32 Caller Go ahead.

41:32 Adam All right, go ahead.

41:33 Caller For real? You've never heard of him?

41:37 Adam I'm telling you how to pronounce his name correctly.

41:41 Caller Anyway, on his show, he wipes the glue from the joints after he glues two joints together.

41:48 Adam Yes.

41:48 Caller I was just wondering if you knew what the correct way to do that was.

41:53 Adam A has woodworking question about hanging doors is what the thing says.

41:57 Drew Is there a door, by the way, part to this?

42:00 Adam Is there a door hanging component to this question?

42:03 Caller No.

42:05 Adam So you watch New Yankee Workshop and you're going to call me and quiz me on how Norm, he dampens a rag and wipes the excess glue off before he joins the stuff.

42:18 Caller I was wondering if you knew what the correct way to do it is.

42:22 Adam You take a damp rag and you wipe it off or you let it dry and you take a chisel to it and you don't draw it into the grain.

42:28 Caller Now, this is wonderful.

42:31 Adam You tell me.

42:33 Caller That's right. Thank you. Geez.

42:37 Adam Okay. That's it. I'm never talking to anyone ever again. First off, the only reason I talked to her is because it said to add a question about hanging doors, which is my specialty and a bit straightforward. She thought she would quiz me about a guy who she's such a big fan of. She can't pronounce his goddamn name. Norm Avery. And then is confused when I'm telling her six times. No, I can't. I can't.

43:00 Drew Jen, 25. Yes. What's up? What's going on?

43:06 Adam God, our callers are stupid. They're not only stupid, they're annoying. You know, it's one thing just to be stupid. There's friendly stupid. Stunoying, yeah. They're stupid and annoying. Like, Labradors are stupid. I love them. These aren't Labradors. These are like stupid Chihuahuas. Nothing to like.

43:28 Well, I'm 25 and I have only dated men up until-

43:34 Adam And by the way, her question was, how does Norm wipe off the glue? Wipe off.

43:39 Drew What about the excess glue?

43:40 Adam Yeah, how does he wipe off that? Well, he doesn't. He lets it dry and he takes a chisel to it. But when you say, how does he wipe it off? Well, I'm going to tell you how he would wipe it off, which he does do on occasion with a damn brag.

43:56 Drew Jen, 25. Yes, so you date men.

43:59 Caller Yes, and I was really burned by almost every single relationship. And then recently I stopped dating men. I stopped dating at all.

44:08 Drew It's what we call being brutalized. When women get brutalized by men, sometimes they will cross over.

44:15 Adam Yeah. I wish I had that option.

44:18 Caller That's my question. Is it a conscious decision that I've started dating a woman now? I mean.

44:22 Drew I don't know if it's a conscious decision. There's a lot of roads where you are. Some of it is a preference. Some of it is a commitment. Some of it is just getting tired of being brutalized.

44:33 Adam Well, what does she mean? Is it a conscious decision?

44:36 Drew She means it's nature.

44:37 Adam She thinks it's a nature awakened in her.

44:40 Drew No, right, because you see so much stuff about it being biologically predetermined and all this kind of stuff.

44:45 Adam But women are more fluid in that way.

44:47 Drew Yes, women are flexible. Yes, and that is biologically predetermined.

44:52 Caller Yeah. Okay, and that I can understand and that's been my sense of the situation. But then it's really weird interacting. I find myself able to kind of get along better with my male friends now. If I can get past the whole initial, they seem to think of it as being a fling and they really kind of degrade the whole situation. They act like they wish they could watch and they joke, which is one thing. But then sometimes I get the feeling they really mean it and they just don't believe me.

45:20 Drew Well, here's the deal. The reason you've been brutalized by men is because first you're brutalized by dad. And so you have a certain attraction to jerk guys and you're keeping those kinds of guys around even though you're not getting sexually.

45:31 Adam You surround yourself with A-holes and then you lay down little morsels to entice them. And of course they want to come watch and they make offhanded crude remarks.

45:41 Drew Not every guy will be that way, but you like that kind of guys. You keep them around.

45:45 Adam And there's something about the action that it creates, the feelings of the drama that you're compelled to go back to. It's not about liking it. I mean, people don't like heroin.

45:56 Drew It's an attraction. It's a motivational priority in their life.

45:59 Adam Yeah, the moth doesn't like a porch light. It just goes to it and then dies.

46:04 Caller Okay, well then.

46:05 Adam So stop hanging out with those guys.

46:07 Caller Well, I mean, they're not, they're my friends. You know, I mean, these aren't guys who I'd actually date with.

46:11 Drew Don't forget it then, what are you gonna do?

46:12 Adam I didn't know they were your friends.

46:13 Caller Okay, sorry, I didn't explain that well enough.

46:16 Drew No, we're kidding.

46:17 Adam Stop hanging out with people. I don't care that you've labeled idiots your friends at one point in time. They're not your friends if they don't treat you with respect.

46:27 Caller And you think, so your argument is that if they're making comments like that, that that's being disrespectful. So I have a legitimate beef.

46:37 Adam No, just listen, Jen. Here's the thing, tell your so-called friends that you don't find it respectful and you find it hurtful and you wish they would stop saying it. And then if they continue, feel free to not hang out with them anymore.

46:49 Drew Because they are not, they don't care about you. If they cannot acknowledge your feelings and respect them and appreciate what your feelings actually are, those are not your friends.

47:00 Adam Friend is an ongoing thing you have to earn, not on a daily basis, but bi-monthly. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:08 All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:10 Look in the hookup, call the Dateline.

47:12 Drew Stick a waste in time with the wrong person, call the Dateline.

47:14 One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. 1-877-889. Date.

47:21 Caller You know what I'm saying, I'm dead?

47:49 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, Amanda Fitz, Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Alrighty then, let's get to the phones. What do you say, buddy? Try to help them kitties? Let's go. All right, we got a Germany or Florida up here. We got a real woodworking question. Let's see if I can bounce back. Amanda?

48:15 Caller Yes.

48:17 Adam 20 years of age?

48:18 Caller Yep.

48:19 Adam A real woodworking question.

48:21 Caller Yes. I do stained glass as a hobby and right now I don't have a workshop set up. I have a garage and I wanted to know what tools that I should use and what types of wood and thickness and everything that I should use for a waist high table to hold the stained glass pieces I'm currently working on and cutting and soldering and such.

48:49 Caller Who cares?

48:52 Adam You'll make a little work stand for yourself.

48:54 Caller Yeah. Yes, and I care.

48:57 Caller Thank you very much.

48:57 Adam Thank you.

48:59 Drew Lesbian.

49:00 Adam Drew, please. Is that true? Is that true?

49:05 Caller No.

49:05 Adam Lesbian? No? You never make stained glass like Pegasus or Unicorn, have you?

49:13 Caller No.

49:16 Adam Anything, any weird like Led Zeppelin band member signs or anything like that?

49:21 Drew No.

49:21 Caller I think the strangest thing I've ever done was a seder.

49:27 Adam Is that some Jewish thing?

49:29 Drew Yeah. So you sit down around Passover. I think it's a half goat, half man.

49:34 Adam Ah. Half goat, half man. I thought that was a centaur.

49:37 Caller No.

49:38 Caller The centaur is horse and man.

49:40 Adam Oh. The seder is the goat and man?

49:42 Caller Yeah.

49:43 Adam Yeah. Why? You got to feel like you've been screwed when you could have been a centaur, but instead you're seder. It could have been half horse, half man, instead half goat, half man, like a crap pellets instead of proud noble chips, you know?

50:00 Drew Apples, please.

50:00 Adam Think about the difference between horse crap and goat crap.

50:03 Drew That's nice. That's a nice thought.

50:04 Adam Goat crap's just...

50:06 Drew Raisins.

50:07 Adam It's just raisins. And this other thing's just sort of proud... Mammoth. Pyramid of Duke. All right. Here's what I would do, in all honesty, Amanda.

50:18 Caller Yeah?

50:19 Adam Go to your local home center and just get one of those work tables, those fold-out workbench type things. They're cheap. They're strong. They work and all that kind of stuff. And then get yourself like a piece of three-quarter inch plywood and put that on top of it. And you can mount it with a couple of screws from underneath and that way you can take it off, fold the thing down, move it. If the plywood got effed up enough, you could flip it over. You know what I mean? You have your base, which is a good solid base, pretty cheap, $35, $40. And you get this piece of plywood you put on top. You could constantly rotate it as you eff it up.

50:57 Drew I'm realizing, I don't think Brian knows what you mean by woodworking.

51:01 Adam No.

51:03 Drew Let's put it under construction.

51:06 Adam Listen, I'm done. Thank you, Amanda. Sounds like a nice girl. But I've never, I've asked hundreds of times on this show, give me a good woodworking question.

51:17 Drew Give me a construction question.

51:20 Adam I don't know how to say it. If I say construction, we get a roofing question.

51:23 Drew Or we get a skyscraper question.

51:25 Adam Right. And then every time I complain, and then every time I get a less...

51:31 Drew When a residential construction question. Yeah?

51:34 Adam Well, I don't care anymore.

51:35 Drew Yeah.

51:36 Adam I don't need... I need no more. Listen, here's what happens. What do you want from me? These girls are 20 years old.

51:41 Caller That's our listening audience.

51:42 Drew What do they know about woodworking?

51:43 Adam Don't take it then. That's what I want from you. Snappy Brian. Hey, listen, Brian, we're going to knock you down to five bucks an hour. Down from 550. Quit your complaining. Here's the thing. Here's the thing, Drew.

52:00 Caller Yeah.

52:01 Adam Every once every 22 days, I just decide to break it up a little, do something a little bit different. It never works. I've learned my lesson. I'm done trying. You understand? I am like a teacher to horrible inner city school that tried to make a difference and now I realize, I'm just going to do some warehousing of these gang members, get my paycheck and go home. I'm looking out for number one. Smoke a few butts during my off period. Eat a little something from the vending machine. Get the T.A.s to grade my papers and I'm out of here. Fair enough. Hopefully transfer to a nice white private school.

52:36 Drew That's you.

52:36 Adam That's me. That's the new me.

52:39 The old me.

52:40 Adam The old me. Care. Carlos?

52:42 Yeah.

52:43 Adam You're 23?

52:45 Caller Yes.

52:46 Adam You're talking to the new Adam.

52:49 Caller How's it going?

52:50 Adam Well the new Adam. He's indifferent. He has got no problems. What's he care? Get his paycheck and go home.

52:57 Drew What's up, Carlos?

53:02 Caller I had some past relationships where I had one night stand, a lot of alcohol, marijuana, whatever drug I can pretty much get to and I slept with about nine women and now it's been about three years since that whole chaotic period and I'm pretty much, I can't approach a woman anymore. I feel like they look at me and they see the guilt, like I feel the guilt and shame, like they can already see it before I even say a word to them.

53:36 Adam What are you talking about?

53:38 Caller I wish I could get through this.

53:39 Adam I don't know what you mean. Are you a religious person?

53:43 Caller No, I'm not religious, you know, but I want to be a good person and you know, I have a lot of guilt about what I've done to these women.

53:52 Drew Are you a Mormon? Did you rape somebody? What did you do?

53:55 Caller No, it was just I guess it was immoral.

54:03 Adam You had consenting sex with other adults, right?

54:07 Caller Yes.

54:08 Drew Was it immoral?

54:10 I have a lot of guilt about it though.

54:12 Drew You're a Mormon?

54:14 Caller No, I'm not religious.

54:15 Drew A thousand percent.

54:17 Adam Yeah, Anderson's a thousand percent on this drop. Hey, listen, Carlos, you're not religious. You didn't rape anybody. They were adults and they were consenting. Why don't you get over it? It sounds like the beginnings of depression.

54:31 Drew I was going to say sometimes depression, you can feel very, very guilty when depression really gets going. And that sounds like where you're at, Carlos.

54:38 Adam Yeah. You're fine.

54:39 Drew You might want to get that evaluated.

54:40 Adam You're 23. You got laid a couple of times in your early 20s and you settled in. Here's more meaningful relationship.

54:47 Drew Here's more of what I hear. I don't know what drugs you did, but sometimes they can deplete the chemicals in the brain, they can predispose you to depression and or if you had gotten addicted and strung out and now you're trying to do without drugs, but you're still an addict, but not in a 12 step program, that's a great way to precipitate a real severe depression. So all this crazy thinking is just thinking. It's not reality. It's a feeling state you're in because of the depression.

55:11 Adam And let me say this to everybody. All you who have done wrong or felt that you've done wrong or done somebody wrong, feel free to make up for it by volunteering at the senior citizen's home or giving some money to the Jerry's Kid bucket at the 7-Eleven. There's a lot of people walking around out there that don't feel good about some of the things they did in the past. Well, obviously you can't build a time machine and go back and undo those things. I don't have a crystal ball, Drew, but if I did, I'd know you couldn't build a time machine and go back and undo those things. But at the end of the day, say I worked in a, I'm working not having a crystal ball any end of the day.

55:47 Drew We'll get your calling card in there.

55:49 Adam And my calling card is my calling card. But here's the thing. You can't go back and fix these things. These people are gone and there's no one doing it. Feel free to live a righteous life from this point on. And by the way, that will make you feel better. Everyone gets so consumed with going back and doing something. I think they get consumed with it because they can't do anything about it. The real work is ahead of you. Go volunteer over here. Go start leading a more honest life. Be more, be a better employee. Be a better son. Be a better father. Be a better boyfriend, husband, whatever. You know what I'm saying? That's the work. Go ahead and do it.

56:24 Drew Absolutely.

56:25 Adam Thank you. I'm not going to do it, but do it.

56:27 Drew Well, for those people that do feel guilt and want to do better.

56:30 Adam I don't feel any remorse. I know that. I'm a serial killer. Jamie.

56:33 Drew You're a robot and I'm a serial killer. A little bit different.

56:37 Adam If you could program a robot to serial kill.

56:40 Drew You'd be that.

56:41 Adam Yes. I am an atheist robot serial killer.

56:44 Drew Nice.

56:46 Adam I'm a remorseless napping and whacking machine.

56:50 Drew It's quite a moniker you've got there.

56:52 Adam Yes. The only god I kneel to is Teeva.

56:57 Drew Good times.

56:58 Adam Jamie. You're 24? Good. You said Jamie, didn't you? What did you think I said? All right. I don't like her.

57:17 Drew No, she's nice.

57:17 Adam I think Germany or Florida. I don't like someone who corrects me on their name when I say their name. It means they're looking for trouble. You want trouble missing? You found it. It's right here. I'm a atheist serial killer robot. I don't like that. Greg?

57:35 Caller Yeah.

57:36 Adam Germany or Florida?

57:38 Caller Yeah.

57:38 Adam Yeah. This game is sweeping the nation, by the way. Let's hear the theme jingle, Anderson, please.

57:44 Caller Things are sick and twisted from too much sun and Nazis, sex-mess and death fetishes, both of them have got these, guaranteed not to bore you, Germany or Florida.

57:53 Adam All right, Greg, go ahead.

57:54 Caller All right. Authorities detained a 36-year-old homeless man after he tried to shower in a car wash last August. The car wash owner spotted the would-be bathers standing naked by the brushes and hoses, looking for the on switch. He was arrested before he found it. It wasn't a great idea, said the police spokesman. He could have been coated in car wax, scalded by hot water or rubbed raw by brushes, or he could have come out with a sparkling shine.

58:26 Caller All right.

58:27 Adam I'm going to go with Florida.

58:29 Drew The kind of novelty humor, the kind of goofy Florida.

58:34 Adam Florida?

58:35 Caller Yeah.

58:35 Adam We're going Florida, Greg.

58:37 Caller All right. Germany. Oh, it's a damn lie and you know it.

58:42 Adam You know, these guys are such fanatics about their automobiles over there. I think all their car washes would be hand-car wash and brushless.

58:51 Caller Yeah. Yeah. I'm the one who called a little while ago about my friend's dad growing up with you.

59:01 Adam I don't remember that call.

59:02 Drew Anyway, it must have been quite a while ago.

59:04 Caller Yeah, it was probably a month or two ago.

59:06 Adam All right.

59:06 Drew Maybe a year ago. Anyway, how's it going?

59:10 Caller Yeah, Drew, I'm trying to get through your book. I mean, I haven't really had time to read it, but it's good so far.

59:16 Drew Thank you.

59:16 Adam I know you're busy. You're 16, you're popping zits. You're watching, you're watching the OC. The grassy. You're beating off to your stepsister. I have a very hectic schedule. Go get Drew's book, would you?

59:31 Drew He got it. He's reading it.

59:33 Adam No, I don't think he's got it yet. It was a Christmas present? You haven't gotten around to reading it yet?

59:41 Caller I'm like chapter three or something like that.

59:44 Adam Let's focus, brother. That book's going to help you.

59:47 Caller All right, buddy.

59:50 Adam Thanks. It's got the gift of camp. All right. I'm willing to get back to Jamie now. Jamie? You're 24?

59:57 Caller Yeah. I'm sorry.

59:58 Adam That's all right, baby doll. What's your question?

1:00:01 Caller Well, I've got a little girl. She's a year old and I'm with her dad. He's 38. We're not married. I guess my question, I'm having a pretty serious predicament, I guess, whether to stay with him or not. And actually move out and get my own one-bedroom apartment. He's kind of, we've been together about two years now. He's a little older than me. I'm not sure if you guys could tell what their equipment, but he's 38 and I'm 24.

1:00:36 Adam Well, you said, you told us that. When you say our equipment, you mean our ears, right?

1:00:43 Caller I don't know what you guys see because they asked me, how old he was and I don't know if they typed it in and you guys can see everything on that show.

1:00:51 Adam You said 33 seconds ago that you were 24 and he was 28.

1:00:56 Drew 38.

1:00:58 Adam 38.

1:00:59 Drew You told us that.

1:01:01 Caller I'm sorry. I'm nervous.

1:01:02 Adam That's all right, baby doll. Go ahead.

1:01:05 Caller Well, anyways, so he's been, I guess, semi kind of abusive to me a couple of times. He threw food at me once and he-

1:01:12 Adam What kind of food?

1:01:13 Caller A hamburger.

1:01:15 Adam If it's good food, you know, I don't got no beef with that. You know what I mean? Like someone wants to throw some brisket my way, Drew.

1:01:21 Drew That's fine with you.

1:01:22 Adam And like asparagus or something. But you throw like SpaghettiOs at me. I'm pissed.

1:01:26 Drew Yeah.

1:01:26 Adam See what I'm saying?

1:01:28 Drew Yeah. Chef ravioli would be the ultimate.

1:01:30 Adam That's it. That's fighting food.

1:01:33 Drew Sleeping with the fish.

1:01:34 Caller Yeah.

1:01:34 Adam All right. So he threw food at you.

1:01:38 Caller That was one incident. I thought, I don't know. In my opinion, I thought that was pretty bad.

1:01:42 Adam Well, look, here's the thing, a 38-year-old guy. Look, if you guys were drunk and he was 24, too, and you got into a huge blowout at three in the morning and he found out you got it on with his friend and he threw his In-N-Out burger at you.

1:01:58 Caller It wasn't like that.

1:01:59 Adam That's something. Him being a 30-year-old.

1:02:02 Caller We were doing a family event kind of thing and he got mad and threw his food at me.

1:02:07 Drew That's bizarre.

1:02:07 Adam Let's see and by the way, you know, I see these like you see these footage at ball games with guys chucking their beers at the outfield there and people just chucking food. I always think to myself, hey, that beer is eight bucks. Like I got a beer in my hand or I got a burger in my hand. Here's I'm throwing it at my mouth. I don't care who I don't care who I'm with. I don't care how angry I ever get with them. I would punch them. But I this whole idea of chucking something yummy always seems like a bad bad plan.

1:02:37 Drew Yeah.

1:02:37 Adam That's why I keep the SpaghettiOs with me.

1:02:39 Drew Nice.

1:02:40 Adam All right. So we hear Jamie or her phone that screwed up there. Jamie.

1:02:45 Drew My phone screwed up.

1:02:47 Adam No, I think it's ours. So here's the thing. How else has he been abusive to you?

1:02:51 Drew Well, what does it matter? He's abusive.

1:02:52 Adam Well, he threw a hamburger.

1:02:54 Caller But the thing it's kind of.

1:02:55 Adam It's not Ted Bundy.

1:02:56 Caller Besides all that, he's treated me a lot better than I guess my other past relationships. I've had some experience and he's always been like opening my doors and.

1:03:08 Adam Look, I asked you how else he abused you, not how he is relative to your past relationships.

1:03:14 Drew To other severely abusive boyfriends.

1:03:16 Adam Yeah. How else has he abused you?

1:03:18 Caller He's called me some pretty nasty names. He hasn't physically hit me, but he's grabbed me like my arm pretty hard and he tried to kind of push me at the door one time.

1:03:32 Drew Hang on a second.

1:03:33 Adam So far, you got nothing, really?

1:03:34 Drew Jamie, you sound so alone to me.

1:03:37 Caller I sound alone?

1:03:39 Drew Alone?

1:03:40 Caller I'm really, really nervous. Honestly, I can't believe I'm talking to you guys right now.

1:03:44 Drew No, but I don't mean alone in a room at this moment. I mean, like you're alone in the world.

1:03:49 Caller I just don't know what to do. I mean, honestly, I do not know.

1:03:52 Drew Hold on. You know what I'm saying? She sounds like this is a woman who's supposed to, this is her partner and they have a child together, and she's talking about him like she's talking about a neighbor or something, and there's nobody else in the picture. She doesn't mention, my friends advise me, my mom says, it's like, it's me and this one-year-old, and then what am I going to do with the guy? He's abusive. I can't move. I can't afford to move. I can't get out of here. It's like talking about a neighbor. Right. Why so alone?

1:04:24 Adam Jamie.

1:04:25 Caller Before you guys hang up on me, I'm sorry.

1:04:29 Drew But why do you sound so alone? Where's your family of origin?

1:04:33 Caller My family's here and my family has given me, I mean, they're kind of like whatever, you know, whatever you want to do. They like him because he's been really respectful to the family and to me in front of them. But I've also called them crying on these, you know, these times. And so they know either kind of like, you know, whatever you want to do, we're going to support you. That's the thing. And my friends, you know, my girlfriends, of course, you know, they're kind of like, I mean, they're nice to him when he's around, but they also know that I've come talking to them like, oh my God, what am I going to do, you guys? And they want me to move out. I've actually, I put a deposit down on a place, a one bedroom, and I'm like, I'm...

1:05:09 Adam Hold on, quiet. All right, now listen, just take a breath and let your mind slide out between your ears for a second. Just relax. You don't have to perform. Let your guard down. Okay, what does he do for a living?

1:05:29 Caller He works for the state. I probably shouldn't get into it. He has a good job.

1:05:33 Adam Is he a cop?

1:05:35 Caller No.

1:05:35 Adam Okay.

1:05:36 Drew Is he a government official?

1:05:37 Caller He works really funny hours. He's working graveyards right now.

1:05:42 Adam Here's the thing.

1:05:43 Drew What graveyard shift is it for the state that's not a police IRS?

1:05:46 Adam No one has a really good job who works gravi... Oh, wait a minute. Where are we?

1:05:50 Drew This isn't a graveyard. This is swing.

1:05:52 Adam This is swing? Feels like a graveyard. Smells like a goddamn graveyard in here. What is going on with the funkitude in the hallways and here's something's going on. What's going on? Chris, what? How much food is over there?

1:06:06 Drew The funkitude. It's a whole plate.

1:06:09 Adam Well, Drew should either be eating that or we should throw it away or maybe both.

1:06:13 Drew Is that yours, Chris? This is dinner. No.

1:06:15 Adam No. Someone's just left food here so it stinks.

1:06:18 Drew The Italian tray you were talking about.

1:06:20 Adam Yeah. The cursed foil Italian tray. Okay. Listen, I don't understand. I don't completely understand this call. He doesn't sound abusive. It doesn't sound like she's got a good read on him. He doesn't sound like a great guy. On the other hand, they have a kid. She's very sort of casually thinking, well, I think I'll just take the kid and move out. She doesn't seem like she's in love with him.

1:06:40 Drew Not connected.

1:06:41 Adam On the other hand, her grabbing his arm. She sounds like she's filled with peanut shells. She needs to get some therapy. How about that? You have a supportive family. How about you get a little therapy on behalf of your kid? How about you tell this guy you're very serious about breaking up unless he gets some therapy and you guys come together and start acting like a couple to raise your one-year-old instead of just sort of flighty, well, he grabbed my arm. I think I'm going to leave.

1:07:08 Drew Well, that disconnectedness.

1:07:10 Adam Yes.

1:07:10 Drew I just like that's the aloneness I'm feeling. It's like there's just no there there, right? There's no relationship.

1:07:15 Adam Yes. Get some therapy. All of you get some therapy so you don't screw up your kids. Look, you know how you're screwed up? That's what you're doing to your kids. You got screwed up. Now you're screwing the kids up. Get a little therapy, fix yourself, and don't rub your poison all over the kids. Believe me, your kids will be screwed up anyway. Just not as screwed up as they would be if you got some therapy. Natalie.

1:07:43 Caller Hello.

1:07:44 Adam You're 23?

1:07:46 Caller Yes, I am.

1:07:47 Adam You're on coke, pot, and booze?

1:07:50 Caller I'm on a lot of stuff, yeah.

1:07:52 Adam You're out of control.

1:07:54 Caller Pretty much. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope.

1:07:57 Adam All right. What should she do, Drew?

1:07:59 Drew Time to get some treatment. Time to get better.

1:08:03 Caller I mean, I've been through treatment. I went through treatment when I was 19 because I had a suicide attempt. My parents think everything's fine. I'm in school. I work.

1:08:15 Drew Hang on a second. Hang on a second. So at the age of 19, you embraced treatment wholeheartedly. You got a sponsor, worked 12 steps, been three months at a sober living.

1:08:24 Caller No, Dr. Drew, I did not do that.

1:08:28 Drew I dropped out. So why do you even consider that treatment? That's you went and attended something. You weren't participating in treatment. How about now you participate in treatment?

1:08:36 Adam It was forced because of your suicide attempt, right? Right.

1:08:39 Drew Now how about we get better? How about you deal with this thing that is now so completely out of control?

1:08:45 Adam Yeah. And you're supposed to fail a few times. I don't know how it works.

1:08:49 Drew It takes a while before people get it many times.

1:08:52 Adam Well, what's the percentage of people who try to get, you know, it's like there's something for quitting smoking three and a half times or whatever the hell it is.

1:08:59 Drew There is no such sort of equation. But I can tell you when people who are addicted finally believe that they're going to die, if they keep going down the road they're on, they have abject terror of the situation there. And that's when they're ready to work. And you're about there. So there's a lot of good programs down there in Anaheim and call one and go now. That's it, very simple.

1:09:21 Adam Tonight?

1:09:22 Drew Tonight.

1:09:22 Adam Really?

1:09:23 Drew Absolutely. The hospital.

1:09:26 Adam What? In the middle of the night.

1:09:28 Drew Hey, listen, now is when she's feeling that way. In the morning she'll kind of, oh, I'm okay, I have control of it now. She'll have to go to the next time that she takes it even lower. When you're thinking about going, you got to go now.

1:09:40 Adam All right, let's take a break.

1:09:41 Drew Yeah.

1:09:42 Adam Let me say this, Drew.

1:09:43 Drew About that.

1:09:44 Adam About this. You know, apropos of nothing, but the packaging we're using now to put things like, like when you buy a stapler, comes in that sort of hard plastic.

1:09:58 Drew Yes, the job to get a knife out.

1:10:00 Adam And here's what usually happens. The transformation from David Banner to the Hulk takes place in trying to get the thing out. It starts with a little, little prying, light prying. I'm going to grab it at the seam and pop it open. Then that goes in a little tearing. Then the teeth get involved. Now the knife starts coming in and the knife, it gets a little dangerous because now there's some jabbing and some hacking and some sawing and some ripping. Now the thing gets pulled open. Still, you got to get your fingers in there and start.

1:10:31 Drew And tear your fingers up.

1:10:32 Adam And tear your fingers up because a serrated knife has now made a sharp tuna can edge on the thing. And I'm just saying, can we do any better than this? First off, who decided that this is how everything needed to be packaged? Everything from staplers to universal remote controls to the little, I was taking one of those little sink, those plungers you put in your sink that has a little soap thing in it. You know, everything is packaged this way. It's just super rigid, clear plastic. And by the way, could you put a tab or put a little red corner, put a little rip zone? Or how about after you purchase the thing, you run some sort of scanner or you clip the edge or you charade it or you do something that lets you open it? Because here's the thing, I imagine they do it so people don't steal the items. Although once you get the thing open, you still got a stapler to shove down your pants. You know what I mean? It's not that much bigger than the actual item. And there's no good way that I know to get that open that doesn't involve an acetylene cutting rig. And someone's going to kill themselves. As a matter of fact, I'm sure there are hundreds of maybe thousands of trips to the emergency room every year with people poking knives. I start hacking and tearing, inevitably get frustrated and start yanking and ripping at this stuff. It will not come undone. Now, Drew, how do we get this open? What do we do? Who do I write a goddamn letter to?

1:11:56 Drew Who letters?

1:11:56 Adam Chris, take a letter. Take the letter P and get the hell out of here. All right, somebody call us and tell us how you get these things open.

1:12:07 Drew You know what I mean? There's actually a way to do it. I can't even imagine.

1:12:12 Adam I can't imagine that you just have at it with a butcher knife.

1:12:16 Drew Every time I have to deal with one of those packages, I have to do that.

1:12:22 Adam Well, CDs are tough, but these are impervious to anything other than flame. All right, we'll take a break. We'll be back. 1-800-LOVE-191 Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's the good doctor, Dr. Drew. Yahoo.

1:12:59 Caller Here we go.

1:12:59 Adam Drew's doing some thinking. He's punching his mic.

1:13:01 Caller He's all over the place tonight.

1:13:03 Adam Hey, buddy.

1:13:04 Caller Hey.

1:13:04 Adam Take a chill pill, huh?

1:13:05 Caller I do, I will.

1:13:06 Adam Let's go now. Hey. Jody. Calling from Anchorage? Let's go. Let's get a hand in now. Break it down now. Grab and eat. Don't sit on your helmet. That's not a chair. Helmet's not a chair. Ladies, ladies. Ladies. Let's go, ladies. Hey, gentlemen. I use that term loosely. Get a hand in. Let's go now. Let's break it down, Jody. What's going on now? What's your problem now?

1:13:30 Caller I can't do it the rap.

1:13:33 Adam Ain't rap for breaking it down.

1:13:37 Caller Oh, okay.

1:13:38 Caller My problem is this. I've been dating this really great guy for three years. And we started living together.

1:13:44 Adam Dating at Dream Boat. 36 months, let's go now.

1:13:48 Drew Alaskan Dream Boat.

1:13:49 Adam Alaskan Dream Boat. Smells of herring, let's go now. Break it down.

1:13:55 Caller All right. And I have a really bad snoring problem, like really.

1:14:05 Adam Sleep apnea. Heart stops middle of night, yeah.

1:14:12 Caller He's been really nice about it and everything, but I found that...

1:14:16 Adam Low self-esteem. Can't score in Alaska. Not too many chicks that would have him, yeah.

1:14:23 Caller But I found earplugs under his bed. Yeah. And he sometimes sleeps on all the couch and stuff, but he would never be mean about it. And I'm just wondering if there's anything... We're both college students and we're actors, so we're really poor. And I was...

1:14:43 Adam Acting in Anchorage, Alaska. Plenty of work doing steel blubber commercials. And modeling fur, frescoes. Yeah. What the hell kind of acting can you do in Alaska?

1:15:00 Caller Community theater.

1:15:02 Drew Is that where you're from?

1:15:04 Caller No, I'm from all over. My parents were military. But I just wanted to know if there's anything that's like besides the nasal strips, if there's anything besides surgery that I could do to not snore.

1:15:20 Adam You big gal?

1:15:21 Caller Really bad. What?

1:15:22 Adam How much you weigh?

1:15:23 Drew You big?

1:15:24 Caller Oh, no. Well, I mean, I guess I'm like 145.

1:15:29 Drew How tall are you? How tall are you? 5'2.

1:15:33 Caller I'm brown.

1:15:34 Drew You're fat. So you could lose some weight. That's definitely something.

1:15:38 Adam Let me do the radio math. 5'2, 1'5. I can't read it. What's two times seven, Drew?

1:15:49 Drew 14. 14.

1:15:50 Adam 14. 14. Two times seven is 14. And then 20 minus six.

1:15:57 Drew 14. 14.

1:16:00 Adam And three times four and... All right, why? I got it. I got it. She is 5'1, 5'16, and 154. Good times. Let's get back to Jodi. Oh, her name's Jodi. Yeah. Make it 161. Jodi's a, that's a big gal's name. Hi, Jodi. Hi, baby doll. So we probably lose a couple of pounds.

1:16:37 Drew And for some people, depending on how your weight's distributed, getting your body weight down can make a huge difference in your sleep.

1:16:44 Adam She's not big and fat.

1:16:46 Drew No, she's not. But some people are very sensitive to this. I'm not saying it necessarily is gonna work for you, but your body is a way, one's body has a way of saying, Ouch, when you're sort of carrying on extra weight. Some people are very sensitive, pressure goes up.

1:16:59 Adam How about this, if I sleep on my back, I'll snore.

1:17:02 Drew You've got the nose problem.

1:17:04 Adam Oh, but why would that do it on my back? You know what I mean?

1:17:07 Drew Your palate falls back, your tongue and your palate fall back against the back of you. And you try to breathe in.

1:17:11 Adam Well, but all I'm saying with Jody.

1:17:14 Drew She could roll over, yes.

1:17:15 Adam Jody, how do you sleep?

1:17:17 Caller I actually, he says I toss and turn a lot.

1:17:20 Caller Like I'm really fitful.

1:17:22 Drew Yeah, it all sounds like you have a sleep problem. Everything else going on sleep wise? Any other medical problems?

1:17:26 Adam Hold on a second. How, what position do you sleep in?

1:17:31 Caller What?

1:17:31 Adam What position do you sleep in?

1:17:33 Caller I usually sleep like in the field position on my side.

1:17:36 Adam All right. Sometimes you, no, if you, I don't know, if you sleep on your back, maybe you won't. Although back is probably the big snoring position.

1:17:44 Drew Yeah, that's prime snoring.

1:17:46 Adam Okay, listen.

1:17:47 Drew Any other medical problems, Jody? Nothing.

1:17:49 Adam All right, watch, try losing the weights and use the breathe rights.

1:17:52 Drew Are you drinking a lot of alcohol? Oh no. Any medication, anything of that sort?

1:17:55 Caller Mm-mm, just breath control.

1:18:00 Adam Use the breathe rights strip and have him put his earplugs in. And here's something, by the way, I wasn't aware of until recently. A friend of mine taught me this trick. I've used earplugs many times before. You gotta roll them. I didn't know that.

1:18:16 Drew Pack them in.

1:18:17 Adam Yeah, when you take the earplug, the foam variety, and you just sort of stuff them in your ears, they work all right. But roll them up and stuff them in and have them expand in there. And all of a sudden they work about 500 times better.

1:18:30 Drew Then she should actually have a sleep study. Yeah.

1:18:34 Adam What do they have? And like, I imagine like in Alaska, the sleep study is like a shaman comes around.

1:18:41 Drew Rattle.

1:18:42 Adam And the hey, hey, hey, ah, ah, ah, ah. He's got that big furry hood over his head. Lays you down. You, put you in like a igloo and burn some ceremonial incense.

1:18:53 Drew Brought you down with seal blubber.

1:18:55 Adam Seal blubber. Ha na hei ka. Na na kai ya.

1:19:00 Caller Ya na kai ya kai ya cha.

1:19:04 Adam Is that? That's it. It smokes ya. Na na che. Na na hei cha ka. Ya ya na na na cha ka ya. Na na ya wa. Turned Japanese at the very end of that. Oh. Did you speak to my wife in... Tongues? Yeah, every once in a while.

1:19:28 Drew She must love that.

1:19:29 Adam She'll be like, listen, as long as you're going out, why don't you take the garbage and na ya hei.

1:19:34 Caller Ha ha ha.

1:19:35 Adam Well, what do you mean? I took it out. Let's ya hei cha na ha. They're like, she'll start talking back to me.

1:19:41 Drew In tongue?

1:19:42 Adam No, she speaks English.

1:19:44 Drew She responds in English.

1:19:45 Adam It's like a bilingual family. Nice. When the kid is answering in Spanish and the mom's arguing in English or vice versa, you know. She'll actually, you'll know. So you know through inflection what I'm saying.

1:19:59 Drew Yes, yeah, of course.

1:20:00 Adam So I'll be like, cha cha na hei cha. Oh, why should I do it? You're going that way. And she'll be like, all right, all right. Actually, I have whole conversations with people. They speak American gibberish and they speak English.

1:20:17 Drew North American gibberish.

1:20:19 Adam Watch, watch, watch. I want to talk to Derek. Derek. Ya cha, ya na cha ka.

1:20:28 Drew Chana wa? Derek?

1:20:30 Adam Cha cha ka.

1:20:31 Oh, yeah. Hello?

1:20:34 Adam Cha na cha ka ga. Ta na cha. Hello?

1:20:39 Drew Ya na cha ka cha.

1:20:46 Adam Ya na cha.

1:20:46 Drew Derek?

1:20:47 Ya.

1:20:48 Adam Cha cha ka na cha cha cha na wa.

1:20:53 I don't speak North American gibberish.

1:21:05 Drew All right, Derek, what's up?

1:21:09 I just, I've been in this relationship for three years now and for about a year and a half, two years now, I've been having this, I don't know if, I don't know if I want to get out of the relationship or what's going on. I just, I feel like I haven't ever been able to be myself. Since I've been eight, since I turned 18, pretty much, I've been supporting somebody else. I've never had to been able to go out and do my own thing.

1:21:34 Drew Who have you been supporting?

1:21:37 Well, at first my wife and then after she left me, I met this girl about three months later and we've been together about three years now.

1:21:49 Drew What do you mean you're supporting her? What do you mean you're supporting her?

1:21:54 Well, I mean, I'm the only one working.

1:21:56 Adam That's not a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, it's some sort of co-dependence.

1:22:04 Drew It's not a healthy situation. Look, you're 23, you want to go out and date and be by yourself, that's fine, it's normal. It's not normal to get involved in a relationship where you're supporting somebody, who you're not married to, who's not a familiar relationship, familial.

1:22:19 Caller Well, one of the main reasons we're not married is because I haven't been able to afford to get my divorce yet.

1:22:36 Drew I want you to know that's people here all night. All right. Listen, it's, but you're not going to get it, you're not going to marry her when you get a divorce because you don't want to be married.

1:22:50 Caller Yeah, in a roundabout way, yeah.

1:22:52 Drew In a roundabout way, you better be start getting lost.

1:22:54 Adam Do you have any kids?

1:22:56 Caller Well, no, but she's pregnant now.

1:23:00 Drew You just cashed in your independence.

1:23:03 Caller We've been trying for a while. She had two miscarriages last year.

1:23:07 Drew I forget the independence thing. You're trying. You mean, you're volitionally, you're engaging in creating a family. You relinquish your right to be independent at that point. That's it. You cashed it in. Now deal with it. Yeah, that's right.

1:23:20 Adam Hey, listen, Derek. You listening?

1:23:25 Drew Yeah.

1:23:26 Adam OK, here's the thing now, brother. Now that you're having the kid you're in. Now, look, you can torture yourself and think what, what if, what could be, what you could have done. First off, believe me, it's not like you're a pierced brosnet. You're not going to be walking around on the French Riviera getting laid. You're going to be scraping up some skank from a truck stop or something, probably getting a venereal disease. Shocking. Here's the other thing. It does not say he's a truck driver.

1:23:56 Drew No, nowhere.

1:23:57 Adam On the screen. But I, I know when a man's got diesel in his blood. And I can smell that pine tree that they use. So the cab of the 18 Wheeler doesn't smell like ass. So here's the thing, Derek. Do not torture yourself. You're not going to do any better than this chick. You chose this chick. You were married before. You got divorced. Now you've chose to set up camp with another woman. Good. You got her pregnant. You try to get her pregnant. You're in. That's it. And look, I don't know what it is with these guys that are, you know, Derek is 23. When I was 23, I was just thinking about what kind of car I was going to get one day. Maybe it'll have air conditioning.

1:24:37 Drew Trying to get pregnant.

1:24:39 Adam This idea that you've been divorced already. Now you want some freedom. So you hook up with some other chick. She has a couple of miscarriages. You're trying to get her pregnant. What is that? And then now you're going to get married because of the kid. And then you're going to feel like that's the only reason you were there. Don't do that to yourself. You're there because you love her. You're trying to get her pregnant because you love her. And you're going to love your child. So be it. Pick up a little skank on the road, driving the 18 wheeler. Do a nice rail that no does. You have nice little outlet for yourself. Oh my God. Take a quick break. We'll be right back. Loveline. Loveline. Hey, everybody. Oh yeah. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew over there. Forget about that phone number. Ethan Zahn is coming in here. Hey, I don't know why I shouldn't say his last name, just Ethan from Survivor, one of my favorite shows. Never miss those Survivor shows.

1:25:52 Drew How'd that All-Star Survivor turn out?

1:25:54 Adam It's still going on, goofball.

1:25:56 Drew That's what I'm asking.

1:25:57 Adam I keep telling you to watch the show. No, Drew won't do it. It's too important with this medical degree, and his magazines are this fancy words that have more than one sound. I think they're called syllables in each word. You know what I mean? I'm like the and ed, and Bob. It's like words that have more than one sound put together.

1:26:24 Drew Sacramento.

1:26:26 Adam Yeah, that's two, right?

1:26:27 Drew Yeah.

1:26:28 Adam Sacramento. Two. All right. Let's talk to Blake. Poor kid's four and seven pounds.

1:26:37 Caller Hey Adam, hey Dr. Drew. How are you guys doing?

1:26:39 Drew Blake, we're good.

1:26:40 Adam What's happening?

1:26:42 Caller All right. Here's my situation. I'm 20 years old. I used to play football in high school. I ain't playing football no more. And I've been putting the weight on. I'm six foot three, so I have a big frame, but I weigh 407 pounds now.

1:26:56 Drew Why aren't you playing football anymore?

1:27:00 Caller I tore my ACL my sophomore year. So it kind of, I played two more years after that, but I wasn't good enough to go on. And I just have like no control over my weight. And so I'm starting this program. I don't know if you've ever heard of it, Dr. Drew, it's called Optifast and what it is, it's a liquid diet. Yeah.

1:27:23 Drew It's like, who's doing that for you?

1:27:24 Caller I'm going through Kaiser Permanente.

1:27:27 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:27:28 Caller I'm actually not even a member. I just heard of it through a family friend and she lost 130 pounds in six months and she looked, I mean, it was, the results were amazing.

1:27:39 Adam Six months, 130 pounds.

1:27:41 Drew People will lose the weight on the Optifast, but keeping the weight off is a different matter.

1:27:46 Adam What do you do? You don't eat?

1:27:47 Caller Well, you take like five or six supplement shakes a day. And when it comes down to it's like 900 calories a day that you're eating.

1:27:55 Adam And you have to buy the shakes?

1:27:58 Caller Yeah, you pay a weekly feed. As a total program, it's like $2,500.

1:28:03 Drew Well, I gotta tell you, I've seen a lot of success with the weight loss with Optifast, but I've not seen anyone keep it off with that.

1:28:10 Adam Right. Well, eventually you gotta start chewing again and then you're screwed, right?

1:28:16 Drew When people have serious problems with obesity, the most effective way these days is surgery, bariatric surgery.

1:28:26 Adam Yeah, but he's never taken, he's never taken it, first off, he's a big guy, secondly, he's never taken a stab at a real diet.

1:28:32 Drew Oh, you've never dieted before?

1:28:34 Caller Well, I mean, I've dieted, but it's like, I did the Weight Watchers thing and I lost 40 pounds to that and I got discouraged because the woman actually told me that I was losing weight too fast and that she was gonna get in trouble for it.

1:28:47 Drew Well, Weight Watchers is a very good program, that's the healthiest of the programs out there. Optifast is sort of questionable in terms of health, but when you really have to lose the weight, that's...

1:28:57 Caller Well, I mean, let's talk about health, you know, I mean, if I don't do it, you know, it's just gonna get worse, I mean, that's what I'm like.

1:29:06 Adam All right, but look, here's the question, Blake. Are your parents fat?

1:29:13 Caller Yeah, they're both overweight, I would say.

1:29:16 Adam Here's a question, if you ate sensibly and exercised consistently, would the weight just slowly but consistently come off of you? Or is this a genetic problem?

1:29:27 Caller No, it would, but the problem is when you're this big, it's a little discouraging when it slowly comes off. It's really hard, you know?

1:29:35 Adam All right, I understand that, but let me say this, Drew, and Blake. I worry, I mean, if you just sort of do the math where you go, well, sure, if I exercise consistently and I eat more sensibly, and I watch the sweets and the late night snacking and all that, yeah, the weight will come off. It's not going to come off in anything in exciting fashion, but it'll eventually come off as opposed to picking some modem or modality where you do it in some sort of crash diet way, and the weight comes off immediately, but during a very unrealistic and unrealistic thing.

1:30:17 Drew What Blake is saying is, I'm not willing to maintain a healthy diet and lifestyle. I ain't going to do it.

1:30:23 Adam All right. So now you take all the weight off through some very unrealistic method. Well, eventually, especially when you're 20, you got to go back to living life. You're not going to be drinking these shakes the rest of your life. The math doesn't work out. Eventually, you're going to go back to eating. And when you go back to eating, you're not going to go back to the sensible eating with the exercise. You're going to go back to your kind of eating. All I'm saying is, and I've been kind of saying this for many years, which is, I just wonder the kind of message that we send to everybody. I don't like the message that the lottery sends. I don't like the message that the crash diet sends. It's saying, look, you can't do it the normal way. You're going to have to do it in some unrealistic way that it's not really going to work out because eventually you're going to get off it. When you get off it, you're back to it. It's sort of like being on steroids. Eventually, you're going to stop injecting yourself, and then you're just going to have testicular cancer. It's not, I mean, he's a 20-year-old guy. Start exercising, start taking, and I also worry that everybody's got a plan, and the plan is what they get involved with, not really the work. I mean, the thing about life, the thing about any kind of success you want to have, it involves work. I mean, it involves going to school, training, learning, homework, studying, discipline, getting up early, not getting paid what you should get sometimes, not having the kind of exciting results you might have in a week. Maybe only lose three or four pounds in a week. You don't lose 18 pounds. But get used to that. I don't like the message at all this sort of instant gratification does. And that's why there's all this yo-yoing going on.

1:32:07 Drew Right. If he can't get on that diet and stick with it now, what makes him think he's going to be able to do it when his weight's down low?

1:32:13 Adam Right. He's 20 and he doesn't he's a big guy who ballooned up after a football injury. How about exercising, going to whatever and just say, and by the way, yeah, you'll be 21, you'll be down 100 pounds.

1:32:27 Drew But the reality is though that these bariatric surgery is really the only thing that have sustained change associated with them right now.

1:32:34 Adam Well, if he has the genetic disposition for obesity.

1:32:39 Drew And the motivational priorities are sort of set in his brain in a certain way for whatever reason, whatever that is.

1:32:43 Adam I don't know that he fully has the genetics though. I know.

1:32:47 Drew I agree with you.

1:32:48 Adam A big guy. And by the way, these poor kids, I mean, they show pictures of them when they're six, they're fat. And then we got to attack them because we can't make fun of any ethnicities or religions anymore. Pow! We give it right to fatty, right in the gut, right? Right in the bazoom, right where it belongs, the La Bonsa. All right, we'll take a little break. We'll be right back.

1:33:09 Caller Here it is.

1:33:09 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:33:12 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospect.

1:33:15 Adam Call the Dateline.

1:33:15 Caller Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. So get your problems ready.

1:33:43 Adam Well, it's just getting started, Drew. We really had some more things to say.

1:33:47 Drew Oh, I'm sure you'll say it tomorrow.

1:33:49 Adam We'll take a little extendo break. We thank you all for listening tonight. Until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. Means they're looking for trouble. You want trouble missing? You found it. It's right here. I'm a atheist serial killer robot.

1:34:08 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Monday, March 29, 2004