Episode 1000601997662

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:06 Adam Hey, it's Loveline everybody. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Dear, dear friend, Christopher Titus here tonight.

1:18 Drew Good evening, people.

1:19 Adam He's got a Showtime special.

1:22 Drew We're filming at UCLA. We're filming at UCLA on Saturday.

1:24 Adam Oh, Saturday.

1:25 Drew Yes, I did everything backwards. I've got the TV show, then the Showtime special, then I'm going to be doing open mics after this. I'm going backwards.

1:30 Adam It's going to be at the...

1:32 Christopher Titus Circle of life.

1:33 Adam Yeah, in September, it's going to be at the Deli Smoker at the Kerr Boulevard.

1:37 Christopher Titus I still have bar mitzvah caught in my head. But I'm not going to have the mitzvah that you can begin studying for the bar.

1:41 Right.

1:42 Christopher Titus It's a good joke.

1:42 Oh, yeah.

1:43 Adam OK, thank you, Drew. We're going to write that down. All right, we're just talking off the air about something. And Christopher Titus pulled up in another one of his cherry custom hot rods tonight.

1:55 Drew I got the Woody. And it just puked. It's a Woody. Yeah, we're in the Home Depot parking lot and it blew a radiator hose last night. So I thought I had this great day with my wife and I spent four hours lying on my back in the Home Depot parking lot switching a radiator hose. I'm feeling good.

2:06 Adam Lower hose.

2:06 Drew Oh, lower hose. Isn't that great?

2:08 Adam That's a bitch. Yeah. Yeah, I was by the way, Woody's through the roof. I mean, these things are a hundred grand now. I mean, I've seen a lot of them and sometimes more depending on what years there are though. Yours look like a newer, like a 40s.

2:22 Drew 49, 49, chopped three and a half inches, all 5.0 running gear. So I basically taking all the value out of it. That's what I do. I like to get a car and screw it up. That's what I do. You know, the stock one, like I like it. Barry Jackson was like 130,000. One went for mine. It's got 5.0 Mustang running gear in it. But I'll tell you what, if I race that guy in the old classic Woody, I guess I'm a small car.

2:42 Adam If you race one of the Flying Nuns sisters, they drove a Woody. Remember that?

2:48 That's right.

2:49 Adam They would drive a Woody.

2:50 Wow.

2:50 Drew Nice reference.

2:51 Adam Thank you. Let me tell you this, by the way, and don't feel bad because Barrett Jackson is the biggest car. For car nuts, it's the Super Bowl.

2:58 Christopher Titus The Phoenix one?

2:59 Adam Yeah. And they have a few.

3:01 Christopher Titus They do it all over.

3:02 Adam They do it all over. But the big ones at Phoenix, I guess. And on Speed Channel, they run all six hours of it once a year, and I watch all six hours. Now, we should probably get together, because everyone else is annoyed by this, but I TiVo it. It's weird to see six hours on your TiVo.

3:20 You've never seen a block of six hours of auctioning cars.

3:23 Drew By the way, if you do, because I do the same thing. You get to a point where you're like, oh, that coot is going to go for 34.3, 34.3.

3:28 Oh my God, 42.

3:29 Drew And you're like freaking, it's like watching the Super Bowl.

3:31 Oh my God, I can't believe that Mustang went for 80 grand. Can you believe it?

3:34 Drew High five on your friends.

3:35 Christopher Titus Right.

3:35 Drew It's pretty frightening.

3:36 Christopher Titus So it's not like watching a brochure. It's watching the auction.

3:39 Drew It's worse than a brochure because a brochure can flip through the new page. You're just watching a static shot of a car and guys waving their hands and then they cut to the guy in the mic once in a while. We suck.

3:48 Adam Better yet, yeah, then they have the guys commentating on it. They do something that I say is unfair. There's one hot chick that floats around out there and stands next to the dude. And it's like, yeah.

4:00 Drew The guy who's getting close to bidding, you can tell the guy is getting to the end of the bidding. The guy who's like pretty much got his house mortgaged at this point because he wants this this date Ferrari Daytona that shall be that carol shall be like, you know, farted in. Yeah, exactly. One time.

4:12 Adam Right. And so the hot chick stands next to him and and also it's one hundred and twenty five, one hundred and thirty grand. You can tell the guy sweating and he's in over his head. And when you have a hot chick standing next to you, you're much more apt.

4:24 Because you know, she's more aggressive, makes more aggressive.

4:26 Drew She's saying to the guys, come on, you got more, don't you, baby? You know, she's working on the whole time.

4:32 Adam So that's anyway, here's what I wanted to say. The Hot Rods were going for a lot on the Bear Jackson and the modified stuff. So you're in great shape. I'm just just a little inside car talk for Titus over here.

4:43 Drew Nice mini, man. I'm getting that next, actually. I just I'm ordering a mini.

4:47 Adam Saturday, by the way, is now what's the is doing? Okay, so you're doing the Showtime special on Saturday at UCLA.

4:53 Drew But Norman Rockwell's Bleeding was a show that created Titus. And I got it got nominated for LA Theater Award and all these awards and Showtime wanted to film it. So we're filming it. We're doing it at UCLA at the Froude Theater and we're doing two shows seven and nine thirty and we're filming it for Showtime.

5:07 Adam Right. And that and how do you get tickets?

5:10 Drew UCLA.

5:11 Adam Yeah, go online at www.ticketsucla.education.

5:17 Christopher Titus But it's a it's a stand up or it's a sort of a play?

5:20 Drew It's more it's more like Eric Boghossian type stuff. It's more that way. It's real fast.

5:23 Christopher Titus That clarifies it for me.

5:25 Drew Most comics, it's more like a one man show, but not a one man show in the sense that there's these moments of real pain.

5:31 Christopher Titus It's scripted, though. It's scripted.

5:33 Drew No, it's my stand up that turned into something.

5:36 Christopher Titus Spoken word.

5:37 Drew Let me finish.

5:39 Adam What are you doing?

5:41 Christopher Titus I'm trying to come to terms with it.

5:42 Drew Well, most it's kind of like a one man show. Most comics when they do one man show, they think they have to stop being funny and they'll start getting real serious about stuff. And that's what this is. And there's jokes. I mean, I'm talking about my mom, everything from my mom's suicide to her mental illness, to her. She shot and killed her last husband.

5:57 Christopher Titus Wow.

5:58 Drew I say last husband because you don't get another one after that.

6:00 Christopher Titus You mentioned this last time. Did you? Is this the same show that from which Titus came out of?

6:05 Drew This is the show that Titus created out of and then Showtime Monday. I got a new show called the fifth annual end of the world tour, which I'll be doing the next week at the Ontario Improv and then we'll go down the list of my gigs for the next year.

6:14 Christopher Titus Loosely scripted, right?

6:15 Drew Yeah.

6:16 Adam Yeah. Let's stop being retroactively interested just because you talked over the first 10 minutes.

6:22 Drew But I like the inside of the loosely scripted part, Drew. Thanks.

6:24 Adam Yeah.

6:25 Christopher Titus I was trying to get it.

6:26 Drew It's an in-depth interview. It's loosely scripted.

6:28 Adam Yes. Let me explain what happened, Christopher. Drew did a movie with the Olsen twins a few months back and all of a sudden it's Thespian Drew. He tells me he's off script, that he wants to pick up the beads. Oh yeah, that's me. He's told me during the commercial breaks he's trying to find his implicit cue.

6:45 Drew I'm talking about asking about sight lines in the radio station. What my sight line is?

6:52 Adam He wants to know the subtext of these calls. So he's turned into quite an actor.

6:57 Christopher Titus Nice job.

6:57 Adam And when you're bookend by the Olsen twins, I think it brings out the best in any Thespian.

7:01 Christopher Titus Exactly.

7:02 Drew When you work with someone above your ability, you comprise of their level.

7:04 Adam Of course.

7:04 Christopher Titus Right.

7:05 Adam A lot of guys who had a taco, do you rose to it, Drew?

7:08 Christopher Titus Sometimes even with Jack Osborne in the scene.

7:10 Adam Really?

7:11 Christopher Titus Wow.

7:11 Adam Wow, there's got to be four years of acting experience between those three people. Alright, let's take some calls. Let's speak to Sam, who's 16, Sam? What's up?

7:26 Nothing much. My question is, I'm 16 years old and I'm dating this guy and he's 20 and he's still a virgin and I'm not exactly sure how to go about this because I do want to sleep with him but I'm afraid he's going to be just like really bad and it's going to like totally turn me off.

7:43 Christopher Titus Did you say you were not a virgin?

7:45 No, I'm not a virgin.

7:46 Adam How do you know he's a virgin? He said he's a virgin?

7:49 He's told me he's a virgin and then my friend went out with him before I did and she told me that he's a virgin and his brothers also told me that he's a virgin.

7:57 Adam Alright, so he is but it's not a bad, it's not a bad, oh yeah, thanks Chip, thanks Brian, appreciate it buddies. Anything else? What about the bedwetting, any of that? How about when I, the time I cried during Brian's song or sometimes when I masturbate I like to lick my finger and rub it on my nipple. I do have a sense of nipples but the point is, here's what I'm saying, this is an interesting ploy because when you hear 20 year old and Drew, you normally hear 20 year old but 16, you're like, he's a criminal, stay away from him. You hear 20 year old virgin and all of a sudden you lighten up your stances a little bit, you're sort of like, now she becomes the adult. So whoever doesn't have a hymen is the adult in the relationship.

8:41 Drew The guy's still kind of a bit of a freak.

8:44 Christopher Titus And in fact, illegal he can't have sex with you, Sam.

8:48 Adam But you've definitely loosened up your predator stance.

8:52 Drew Well get a waiver, can the guy sign a waiver at this point if he's a virgin? Is there a virgin waiver, like if she's 16 and she's done it but he hasn't, is there a form, some sort of organization they can call in?

9:01 Adam It does seem like, it does seem like, it's like, here's the thing, if he's 20 and he's done it with a bunch of chicks and she's 16 and a virgin, this is a tragedy. This man needs to be locked up.

9:12 Drew Right, right.

9:13 Adam Now, if it's the other way around, it's almost a push.

9:16 Christopher Titus Well but who is this guy? It's like, still but who is this guy? 20, virgin, dating 16-year-olds.

9:22 Drew And how bad could he be, by the way, because they're worried that, she's not worried that the guy's 20 and after, she's worried that he's not going to be, how bad could he possibly be at 20? How bad? What's he going to do?

9:30 Christopher Titus I want to explore it.

9:31 Drew Is he going to just grab the bag and just start banging you against the drawer or something?

9:34 Christopher Titus Is that the way? Is that it?

9:35 Drew No.

9:35 Christopher Titus What does bad mean, Sam?

9:36 Drew What does it mean to you?

9:38 Well, like, I'm afraid he's just going to like sit there or something because, like, we were making out on my bed the other day and he wasn't even feeling around, like he didn't like grab for my boobs or like try to go down my pants or anything like that. His hands were on my waist the whole time and he was just being, he was just sitting there. He kissed me back and, you know, I would like kiss on his neck and stuff and he just sat there. He never kissed on my neck. And I'm just afraid he's just going to be like a bore just sitting there and I'm going to have to wait here.

10:06 Christopher Titus He could be like a volcano too, though. He could be afraid he's going to unleash something. He can't start going down the path for fear of a... Yes.

10:13 Drew He may be aware of the illegal ramifications.

10:16 Adam Yeah. He could be like...

10:17 Drew Boy, you were like... I never met a girl like you in high school. He didn't grab my boob, he didn't go to my pants. Nothing, this guy. I never met a girl like you.

10:23 Adam You could be making out with Bill Bixby, but he could soon turn into the Hulk.

10:27 Christopher Titus That's what I'm talking about.

10:29 Adam Yes. And then the music comes, and that's when I weep. I'd always made me say...

10:34 He's got to go to a new town!

10:37 Adam His pants fit again! Sam, what's wrong with you, by the way? You're 16, you're with the 20-year-old Virgin, and you're worried that he's not going to ravage you in the sack. Where's your dad? I don't trust you.

10:54 Caller My dad's here. He's my real dad.

10:56 Adam Where's your mom?

10:59 Drew Where's your mom, Sam?

11:01 Caller Oh, my mom? She's here, too. I have both of my real parents.

11:05 Adam And you're sexually active. When did you become sexually active?

11:09 Caller About last year.

11:10 Drew Do you have a preacher, by any chance?

11:13 Caller Yeah. Do I have a what?

11:15 Drew What does your dad do? Sometimes there's a rebellious thing going on.

11:18 Caller My dad owns a construction company. Aha. And what? Actually, my mom is deiki, as it sounds. My mom's a construction worker, like she runs heavy machinery and stuff.

11:34 Adam That is deiki. Wow. All right. So listen, Sam. Even has short hair. If you're in love, you can't fit the bouffant under the hard hat. I've learned that. All right. So Sam, look. If you're in love with the guy, fine. It'll work its way out. On the other hand, you're not supposed to be having sex. She is calling from Missouri. Her being 16, maybe old enough, are considered a spinster in Missouri. Drew's going to look it up. I don't exactly know what your question is. We can't tell you in advance whether the guy is going to suck. Here's the thing. Your first sexual encounter with anyone is usually bad until you sort of hammer it out.

12:11 Drew No matter how good they are, either way.

12:13 Adam Your first encounter with a trainer, with a coach, with a teacher, it's always bumpy and everyone's got to find a rhythm. The only reason you have the first one is so you can get to the fifth one.

12:25 Drew Me and Drew got in a fist fight the first time I was on the radio.

12:27 Adam That's my point. It went from an all-out furniture throwing fist fight, got into a light bitch slapping and now look at them. They're dry humping each other.

12:37 Drew I still have the scar from the coffee he threw in my eye.

12:39 Christopher Titus Wow. Missouri has, oh my God, 14 for males, 17 for females. Oh, and illegal for same-sex activity of any type.

12:51 Drew Sure.

12:51 Christopher Titus Illegal.

12:52 Adam They don't disappoint, Missouri.

12:54 Christopher Titus 14 for men, 17 for women.

12:56 Drew You can always depend on going in the time machine when you pull out the Missouri book.

13:01 Adam Missouri's a show-me state, right? Yeah. Show me you're bigoted. Look, I've said this a kabillion times. We have to consult the manual to figure out what age or can we just agree on 17 and move forward as a society.

13:15 Drew 17 for the girl, for everybody, pretty much.

13:17 Adam Just everybody. All I'm saying is, is, you know, booze is 21 and driver's license is 16 and registration for the draft is 18 and voting is 18. Let's just go ahead and make the age of consent 16 and move forward. Hawaii shouldn't be different than Missouri and different from California and different from Arizona.

13:34 Christopher Titus We're a League of Independent States, Adam, how dare you?

13:37 Drew Yeah, but we can amend the Constitution on gay marriage.

13:39 Adam That's okay.

13:40 Drew By the way, Bush, back away from the Constitution. It's going to be like Raiders of the Lost Ark and he's going to touch it and then Benjamin Franklin's ghost is going to come out and go through his head, turn him into a screaming skull and he's going to die. Don't hurt yourself, Bush. Put the Constitution down. Sorry, that's just my opinion about that.

13:53 Adam I hope he's listening.

13:55 Drew He loves the Loveline.

13:56 Adam Here's the whole thing about the individual states and the age of consent and all that. Ever since Southwest started offering $19 flights to Colorado, that's over now. You know what I mean? The fact that we're all connected. We're all connected now. We got the Internet. We got Southwest with their $15 flights all over the country. It's now done. Everyone's officially all over the place. And now we need one rule because it's too easy to get from California to Missouri now and get arrested.

14:28 Christopher Titus And then wait till that bullet train comes in.

14:33 Adam They're this close to driving that Golden Spike on that Vegas bullet train. They've been ever since high school. That's all I've heard about the bullet. And by the way, how fast is a train? Here's riddle me this, Confucius. How fast is a bullet train that takes 30 years to build?

14:50 Drew Exactly.

14:51 Adam Really? How fast?

14:52 Christopher Titus We're waiting for the fastest possible train.

14:57 Adam You're 26? What's up?

14:59 Caller My problem is me and my husband have a baby girl and we are wondering if in the future if we pass gas around her if that can have any psychological effects on her.

15:12 Adam I never had this question.

15:13 Christopher Titus Never had this question. I'm hoping it's not serious.

15:15 Drew Are you kidding? See, I got a two and a half year old, been cranking them off pretty much, almost as a performance piece most of the time.

15:25 Christopher Titus For the boy, by the way, the child will count on it. Look forward to it.

15:28 Drew Exactly. She's a girl.

15:33 Adam Dig the actual sitting on the head part.

15:35 Drew No, the head part. Add a noiser.

15:36 Adam She probably wouldn't mind if you just sort of...

15:38 Christopher Titus If it were a boy, he'd be fine with it. In fact, he'd tell you to turn around to back at you.

15:42 Drew I just got a question. What are you doing in your free time that this is a question that came up? I mean, what's going on?

15:47 Christopher Titus Well, we're at my hub center, just devoted parents, and we want to have a nice, healthy, structural environment for our daughter, and we just want to make sure we're kind of joking around, but I would suggest you get a book called Parenting from the Inside Out and Farting for Dummies. You got that?

16:04 Drew That's also a good one.

16:05 Christopher Titus Janice? Parenting from the Inside Out.

16:08 Caller Parenting from the Inside Out.

16:10 Christopher Titus Yeah, a guy named Siegel wrote that. I want you to read it cover to cover, but fast, soon.

16:16 Drew Drew looks afraid.

16:17 Christopher Titus Because there are priorities in parenting.

16:22 Adam Well, maybe she's that good a parent that she has these kinds of small problems to worry about.

16:28 Drew The checklist has been covered. Now we're down to number 312, and it's the farting in front of the child.

16:33 Adam We got the carbon monoxide sensor in.

16:35 Drew Radon gone.

16:36 Adam We got all the guards on the door, on the kitchen cupboards in, you know.

16:41 Drew Channel blockers working.

16:42 Adam Right.

16:42 Christopher Titus Whatever you do in front of the child, do not expect that you can persuade the child not to do the same. If you don't want the child to do that, you better not do it. Yeah.

16:52 Adam All right. Well, how about that?

16:53 Drew Drew's looking at me now.

16:55 Christopher Titus No, you don't care.

16:56 Adam I like a nice fart, but I mean, yeah, you can't. Well, let me tell you, like Jimmy, Jimmy's kid is farting up a storm now. And he's a lot of kid, that boy. He's a man size gut on him and he can produce some. He's got some pop, this kid. And the point is, is Jimmy's been farting on him for so many years that it's now game on and he comes into the dressing room and starts doing some world class adult ass size damage in there. And this is this age, maybe 11. So the future is going to be brown.

17:30 Drew Won't the social group take care of it at a certain point, Drew? I mean, it's 11. 11. I guess 11 with boys. With girls, the social group will take care of it pretty quickly.

17:37 Christopher Titus But with boys, it can be cultivated.

17:40 Adam Yeah. Oh, no. I sit at a table with a bunch of guys that just blast away all day and just start banning it and cupping it.

17:46 Drew He's like a prodigy. He's playing at a pro-am level right now, pretty much.

17:49 Adam He would be the Tiger Woods of ass. He's looking at scholarships, the buffets, the shaky people came around the other day. The guy handles the mojos and the bottomless chili-sized trough over there was just kind of kicking the tires, not looking to buy yet.

18:09 Drew Who's repping the kid?

18:11 Adam We got, well, we got Jimmy Dix and James Dickens, he works us, he's repping the kid and they're with Bragman, Nyman and Caffarelli, I think they're doing the kid's publicity. We're looking-

18:23 Christopher Titus Don't you need a sports agent? I mean, it's a competitive arena.

18:26 Adam It's tough, it's a great area.

18:27 Drew Just the sausage sponsorship alone is going to put the kid over the top. Jimmy could actually kill the show, he can do whatever he wants on the show.

18:33 Adam Right.

18:34 Drew Get the free ride.

18:35 Adam Yeah, the kind of money you make from sponsorship on a tour just from, let's say, just the patches on your farting windbreaker that you might be wearing to a tournament per se. No pun intended.

18:46 Drew Yeah, nice.

18:50 Adam Travis?

18:51 Caller Hey, how's it going? I actually have a question for Christopher.

18:54 Adam Here he is.

18:55 Drew What's up, man?

18:56 Caller Hey, how's it going, man? I just want to say you're a very, very talented, very funny individual and I actually have a question. What happened to the show Titus and how close were the characters on the show portrayed, say, in your life? Like, were there events in your life that were portrayed on the show or vice versa?

19:16 Christopher Titus And then how does your family take all that?

19:18 Drew My family signed releases, so it doesn't matter how they take it, Drew. They signed releases and I was clear, although my dad did call in and ask at one point after the releases were signed, he asked, he held up the whole negotiations because he wanted a piece of the merchandising. Really? Like if we ever produce like a doll that you know you press the back and it drank like a six pack in three seconds, he wanted a cut. He wanted a cut of that, you know.

19:38 Adam One of the things we're working on with the Kimmel Boy by the way, it's not going in that end, it's coming out the other side.

19:44 Drew Yeah man, everything, all the characters on the show, there was no, it happened, you know my mom, you know the episode I wrote called Mom's Last Visit was, you know, she killed herself. We always make sure, like the one thing we did was, is we made sure it was funny. We went as dark as we could and kept it funny.

20:00 Adam How come they had to sign releases because their names were the same?

20:04 Drew Yeah, because we used their names and everything, yeah. And also, even if their names aren't the same, the events happened.

20:08 Christopher Titus But how did they feel about it?

20:09 Drew My mom was in...

20:09 Christopher Titus Not that they not sue you, but how did they feel about it?

20:12 Drew My mom was around, my brother Dave, my brother Dave was cool with it at first, and then one day he just uncorked on me, man, we're up at the mountains and he goes, I'm the stupidest character on television!

20:21 You made me the stupidest character on television!

20:23 Drew We got in a fist fight, actually, out in the snow. Oh yeah, that was the reverse reaction. My dad...

20:27 Christopher Titus They're sober.

20:28 Drew My dad hated me for a while and then one day he went into a store and they asked him for his ID out of his credit card and they grabbed his ID and they go, you're Ken Titus? You're D. Ken Titus? He goes, yeah, and he gets all mad. Yeah, my damn son show. And these four guys come out and he goes, hold up. And the four guys come out the back and they're just shaking his hand going, thank God for dads like you. I had a dad like you. I would have ended in prison without a dad like you. And then he flipped. Yeah. And my wife hated it. My wife had script approval. Like my wife...

20:54 Adam Now why did your wife hate it?

20:55 Drew Because like I would like, like my wife and I cheated on each other early on in our relationship and we did an episode about it.

21:02 Adam Oh well I never talked about it. I forgot about your wife.

21:05 Drew For a guy who talks about all this stuff, you know, you shouldn't...

21:07 Christopher Titus No, no, it's good. It's not bad.

21:09 Adam No, but I forgot that the wife, I was thinking about the family, the blood family, but I forgot that it spilled into your own family.

21:16 Drew Yeah, there's pot use in it. So I did an episode basically where we cheated on each other and that was, God, that was a two week fight for one episode. It wasn't worth it. It was a funny episode, though. But yeah, man, it all really happened.

21:28 Caller Oh, that's great, man. Actually, if I can't ask Drew a very important question to me. Okay, listen, I'm actually stopping smoking marijuana right now. I want to know what the process and length of time it's going to take to cleanse my body because there has been like 30 days or something like that. But I want to know from you if there's like a certain amount of time period before you're clean and you can go out and like, you know, apply for jobs and you know, you have the drug test, you don't have to worry about that.

22:03 Christopher Titus You're worried about when the urine is going to clear, is that right? Yeah, yeah, definitely. You're not worried about when your brain physiology is going to return to normal. Your urine can clear within 48 hours, but I would give it a good two weeks and if you're going to lose weight or change your exercise pattern, you want to do it now and sustain that because that can cause you to suddenly release pot from the fat stores.

22:28 Adam Well, that's a good time.

22:29 Christopher Titus It is a good time.

22:30 Adam We've got to take a break, Christopher Titus here tonight. I want to talk to James over here. James?

22:44 Yes.

22:45 Adam You're 22?

22:45 Caller I am.

22:47 Adam You got a big girlfriend?

22:50 Caller Yeah, you could say that.

22:51 Adam 280 pounds?

22:53 Caller Approximately, yeah.

22:54 Christopher Titus Yeah, you could say that. I guess that would qualify.

22:57 Drew Unless she's 8 foot 8.

22:58 Adam How tall is she?

22:59 Caller Almost 6 foot, 5'11. So she's not...

23:04 Adam No, still tremendously fat.

23:06 Caller But I'm real fat.

23:07 Adam All right. And do you want her to lose weight?

23:10 Caller Yeah, I think so. I mean, it's... You know, the more and more that I've gotten to know her and fall more in love with her, it hasn't really mattered in terms of intimacy. But we definitely have talked a lot about, you know, a lifelong commitment and children in the future. And I'm just concerned about gestational diabetes. If, you know, we were ever have kids and kidney problems and heart problems and... She actually broke her ankle a few years ago.

23:30 Adam Oh, she did?

23:31 Christopher Titus Yeah.

23:34 Caller And I think if she lost some weight, that would really help her out with that and having more energy and things like that too.

23:38 Adam All right.

23:39 Christopher Titus All true.

23:39 Adam How are you doing in the weight department?

23:42 Caller I'm good. I'm 6'6 and 230. I work out regularly and have a pretty good exercise program.

23:46 Christopher Titus Why doesn't she also...

23:48 Adam They're going to give birth to a garbage truck. I mean, it's going to man a kid.

23:54 Drew Someone's going to rule the world.

23:56 Adam Yeah. They have some competition for young Kimmel in the ass game. Yeah. Big, big person like this.

24:03 Christopher Titus Yeah.

24:04 Drew He'll be playing the veteran tour by then, man, when that kid's over there, he'll be fine. He'll be the old guy they go to.

24:09 Adam He'll be signing throw pillows and just out on tour. You're right. You're right. Hold on a second. We got to take a break. We'll get to James and his gal pal who's packing it on and we'll figure out how to lighten that up. And God bless him. He loves her. There's certain advantages to this, not just the boob size, but it does... It gets them off the... It really, depending on what your... There's two types of... Okay, let's talk... It's like your car. We got to take a break, but let me just say this. Some guys like driving a really nice car because they like that feeling everyone looking at them wanting what they own. Some people like driving a piece of ass because all the pressure's off. Leave the keys in the ignition. Hey, you don't worry about where you park it. And if someone, you know, shopping cart scrapes it out in the parking lot, ain't no big deal. It sort of takes the pressure off. Plus, the car ain't never going to leave you. You see what I'm saying?

25:02 Christopher Titus Nobody else going to...

25:03 Adam Nobody wants it. No one's going to jack that. No one's going to boost that.

25:05 Drew But eventually the frustration of having to fix the damn thing every three days.

25:09 Adam That's right.

25:10 Drew You know, hearts blowing, stuff flowing.

25:12 Adam Yeah. You said blowing, right?

25:14 Christopher Titus Yeah. You'll be fine, man.

25:15 Adam Christopher Titus is here. We'll take a quick break. We'll get back with James' Big Gal after this. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Christopher Titus here tonight. Going to be at UCLA this Saturday doing his HBO.

25:49 Drew Showtime special.

25:50 Adam Showtime.

25:50 Drew Showtime special.

25:51 Adam Oh, there it is.

25:52 Drew Showtime's getting back into comedy. They did me, George Lopez, and Dave Chappelle.

25:56 Adam Oh, you could do a lot worse than those two guys.

25:58 Drew I'm telling you.

26:00 Adam It's going to be there this Saturday. And if you're interested, that's a 7 to 9 30 p.m. tape in the Showtime special. If you want the tickets, you just go to www. Well, I'm going to give your website out. Is that going to be an easier way to find it?

26:15 Drew No, the tickets are ucla.com. All right.

26:17 Adam Yes, it's education, www.tickets.ucla.edu. Yes.

26:25 Christopher Titus Is it, is there a name? Do you search under certain?

26:29 Drew Norman Rockwell's Bleeding is the name of the show. And I kind of want to forget to get some release from those people too.

26:35 Adam Really?

26:35 Drew Yeah.

26:37 Christopher Titus Norman Rockwell?

26:38 Drew You know, it's just kind of Cosby has except, you know, my mom, you know, killed a guy.

26:42 Adam I was, I was saying that, Cosby's still probably worse. I was, you know, Drew and I, I was complaining to Drew about the words that are too close together. Like.

26:55 Christopher Titus Push and pull.

26:56 Adam Yeah. But then then we then we start getting into intra and inter. And that micro and macro are the one that kicked my ass. But I inadvertently stumbled onto a minority majority. Oh, yeah. Really couldn't mean they couldn't be further apart. And they really, while they're not as close as micro and macro, still pretty damn close. Easy to have one shoot out instead of the other.

27:21 Drew You said a small majority, which that was even worse. That you actually added the word small in front of it, Adam.

27:28 Adam Right. Now, you're right. It was egregious and it won't soon be forgotten.

27:31 Drew And I was confused.

27:32 Adam But the point the point is, is we need some separation. Push and pull. Don't need to both start with a PU.

27:41 Drew No, we should put a W in there somewhere. One of them should have a W in it.

27:43 Adam That's right.

27:44 Christopher Titus So I say James and his super race.

27:47 Adam James.

27:48 Christopher Titus Yes, sir.

27:49 Adam And his super race.

27:50 Christopher Titus Big people.

27:51 Adam The big people. The grading super race. Yes. So now your girlfriend's 280 pounds.

27:57 Caller Yeah.

27:59 Adam And she's almost six foot.

28:01 Christopher Titus Uh-huh. And you're worried about gestational diabetes and her overall health.

28:05 Caller Essentially. I mean, you know, she just she doesn't have much of an active lifestyle. She has a desk job that she's very successful with. And I mean, she's an all-around girl. You know, and I'm at the round part, right?

28:16 Christopher Titus What about her seeing a dietitian?

28:18 Caller What's that?

28:19 Christopher Titus What about getting her to a dietitian?

28:21 Caller Um, I've considered that. I've considered, you know, just kind of expressing my concerns to her. But, you know, the problem is, is that I know that no matter how I say it, she's going to take it as, you know, look, it's over if you don't lose weight. And that's not how I feel at all.

28:33 Drew And I don't want to go off my way. So instead, you're going to call it a national radio show and put it out there. Good movement.

28:37 Christopher Titus But no, that's going to work for her. You're very health conscious. You're very diligent about working out every day and watching your own diet to tell you want to participate. You do it because you're worried about her health. That's all I should understand.

28:48 Adam Hold on a second. Is this the truth? Now, there's something there's something mildly bogus about this guy. First off, give me a worst case scenario. Susquatch hits the road.

28:58 Christopher Titus Right. Exactly.

28:59 Adam And by the way, if that but let me just tell you something. Husky chicks, they're not so quick with the ultimatum. They don't hit the road quite as fast as this felt one still.

29:10 Christopher Titus That's right.

29:10 Adam They don't. The guy go, listen, babe, you know, I love you and I can't stop thinking about you. But I'm also thinking about starting a family with you. And I want to worry about your health. Oh, this is a slap in the face. I'm going to go off with the international playboy. That's it. I'm going to the south of France.

29:25 Drew Me and Mr. Learjet right now.

29:27 Adam Yeah. No, that's not how he's like.

29:30 Drew But he what he said, he's 6'6, 230, which means he's pretty strapping and he says he works out all the time. So he's in great shape. He's got he's got he's got mama quatch here. And and he's saying I love her and I care for and and I think I think the bottom line is he wants her to get in shape.

29:46 Christopher Titus Well, it could be that you have like a Trekkie here who is super codependent because he's having his first relationship. You notice how his whole thing was all I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that.

30:01 Adam James, James, is this what what line of work are you in?

30:06 Caller Myself, I'm a paramedic.

30:07 Adam All right. And what's a good guy? What is this? Have you had have you been a big hit with the ladies up until this point in your life?

30:16 Caller I wouldn't say that. I mean, I've had a few relationships, but this is definitely the most serious.

30:20 Adam But not not including people that needed to be resuscitated, who really didn't know what was going on until it doesn't count if they say they love you after you bring them back from the dead, dude, or what you do to them before they for the while they're looking at the at the tunnel.

30:35 Christopher Titus Violent crime, I tell you.

30:37 Adam So listen, listen, James, you go ahead and tell her you're telling her this because you care about her, you care about her health and you care about the possible health of your child.

30:46 Christopher Titus You're a paramedic. You're close to these things. There's no reason you shouldn't be able to bring this up. And it concerns me that you don't have a healthy distance from her. You're so enmeshed with her that you're responsible for every feeling and her every shred of health. That's not a healthy.

31:03 Adam And by the way, that goes to it, though.

31:04 Drew He's a paramedic that totally goes to his. Dude, where are you from? I mean, what?

31:08 Christopher Titus Whatever.

31:08 Drew No, no, no. But in a life. I mean, what's your what do you what's your mom and dad? You got a like like a mom thing. Did you did your dad leave?

31:16 Actually, yes, I was.

31:18 Drew Oh, be true to the punch on that one. Yeah. I mean, sorry, Drew.

31:21 Christopher Titus They refine it.

31:22 Drew Well, no.

31:23 Christopher Titus Dad left because he's alcoholic.

31:25 Drew Dad left because he's alcoholic. But also, so he had to take care of mom. Here's the thing.

31:28 Christopher Titus Right.

31:29 Drew So he had to take care of mom. He became the kid taking care of mom.

31:32 Christopher Titus That's right. That's a typical thing.

31:34 Adam Is that it, James?

31:35 Drew Oh, so I'm just a hack.

31:36 Christopher Titus How dare you?

31:37 Adam Titus is a hack.

31:38 Christopher Titus Easy.

31:39 Adam Well, I mean, it's pretty good.

31:41 Christopher Titus For a guest on Loveline? Come on.

31:42 Adam No, it's pretty good. First off, the fact that he just showed up before the show started was pretty good. I'm still reeling. All right, James. Is your dad an alcoholic or was he an alcoholic?

31:55 Caller Also drug addict as well. Yeah, here you go.

31:57 Adam Andy, do you feel like you had to take care of your mom growing up? Good enough. Now, this ain't your mom or two of your moms. Right. This is just one big gal sits by the desk and feel free to go ahead and assert yourself.

32:11 Christopher Titus We could dig further and talk about why she's big and uses that as a way of buffering her against people. He's afraid of cracking that open and there'll be an abuse history there. You need to rest. Here we go. Do you want to crack it? Now.

32:26 Drew James, dude, here's the thing. Part of this is you. I'm going to say, man, you're going to drag yourself down a road. People are who they are. They stay who they are. It's not your job to make her better. It's your job to go out and save the guy who actually ran his motorcycle into a pickup truck.

32:41 Christopher Titus I can relate. I can really relate. Please, James, it's going to sound very self-serving, but go get my book Cracked where I, as a metaphor, explore my need to rescue and how poorly serving that is of people you care about and your patients and what it is to be a person who's just genuinely available with appropriate distance from them. Cracked is the book.

33:00 Adam Yeah, Cracked. Random House.

33:02 Christopher Titus Is it Random House?

33:03 Adam Reagan. HarperCollins.

33:04 Drew Where can I get that book? At Borders, mate?

33:06 Christopher Titus Anywhere. All right.

33:07 Adam Hey, what's going on, guys? Drew sells Adam's trunk after each show. I'll catch you, Drew. Bryce, what's going on?

33:14 Christopher Titus I'm writing a new chapter.

33:16 Drew Like the Hood. Like the Hood. You're selling psychology from the trunk.

33:18 Christopher Titus That's cool. It's good times.

33:20 Adam Bryce, you're 16.

33:21 Christopher Titus Yep.

33:22 Adam What's happening?

33:23 Caller I got a chronic masturbation problem. And I don't know if there's anything I can do about it until I get rid of it.

33:30 Adam Until you get rid of it?

33:33 Caller Yeah, I want to stop.

33:35 Drew I don't think you face a demon until you get rid of it.

33:37 Christopher Titus I'm not sure that his will to live must end first. Then he gets rid of it.

33:42 Adam Here's how you can stop. Stop forming your right hand into a semicircle and planning it on your dork and then moving it feverishly. That's one step.

33:51 Christopher Titus Are you using internet porn, that kind of thing? Well. Yeah. It's like a whole combination of stuff that... In order to break the cycle, you have to kind of cold jerky it. You have to really stop for a while and break the momentum you have with it. Not say I expect you to stop for a long time, but give it a 10-day withdrawal period. I know. 10 days?

34:21 Drew My wife said I'm going to have much pregnant now. 10 days. 10 days.

34:24 Christopher Titus But he's got to break, Bryce has got to break this pattern. Then they took it back in a more, hopefully more saner pattern.

34:30 Drew Then you got to just fight. You just really.

34:32 Christopher Titus It's like eating. When you get some momentum with food, you got to stop.

34:36 Drew You have to get back, then you just kind of play with your testicles for a while. Unless you stop and then you just kind of work up to a real loving relationship.

34:42 Christopher Titus I was thinking to myself, there's so much, your kids are exposed to so much stuff. It's like McDonald's, it's like all the crazy food that we all eat and the kind of momentum we get with bad food and carbohydrates. I think the same thing happens with pornography and sex, guys, and they have to withdraw from it.

34:56 Drew It becomes normal there.

34:58 Christopher Titus It just has momentum.

34:59 Drew That's what I know.

35:00 Christopher Titus Then if you throw in a sexual abuse history and you can't stop, well, then you have to get treatment.

35:05 Adam Yeah. I was just thinking about addiction. I don't care that much about price, just go ahead and stop or slow it down or whatever. But here's the point. I don't totally believe him, but I just never heard of six-year-olds wanting to stop beating off.

35:17 Drew My question is this, what is, when you have a problem, the skin start flying off? Is it too much? What happens?

35:21 Christopher Titus I get shamed if you're worried about it.

35:24 Drew But that could be one time depending on how you're raised. I have a masturbation problem. I did it Thursday.

35:28 Adam Are people, is addiction a bigger problem than it ever was?

35:34 Drew Yes.

35:34 Adam Is there many more things to become addicted to and much easier roads to become addicted?

35:39 Christopher Titus Here's the deal. It's a three-pronged problem. One is trauma, abuse, neglect, etc. is what sets people up to need to reach to the environment to regulate their feeling states. Because of the sad state of our families, lots of people are coming out of traumatized systems. Number one. Number two, they enter a culture that says, well, the way to feel good is you just do all these things. You masturbate, you go to pornography, you have sex, you drive fast cars, you do drugs. It works for them. That's why they keep doing it.

36:06 Adam Don't forget about the eating. Fast cars with the eating.

36:10 Christopher Titus Okay. You throw that in, but the culture offers as a solution the very source of the problem. Then if you sprinkle in now genetic predisposition, which affects about 10 to 15 percent of the population, depending on what that you look at, how these people manifest disease, and the kinds of drugs that are available. Now you have your Oxycontin, you have your hydroponic pot, you have your stuff you can get through the Internet.

36:32 Adam Bathtub chin in the past.

36:33 Christopher Titus Right. The pharmacology of these things are more rapidly addictive, and the kind of this pornography for itself, and then the food as we're talking about.

36:42 Adam Yeah. But here's what I'm asking about. I understand that things are readily available. It also just seems like everything's been ramped up, and there's a very mixed message because we're talking about go get it, grow after it.

36:57 Caller Extreme.

36:58 Adam Got to go extreme.

36:58 Caller Got to be extreme.

36:59 Drew You got to go 110 percent.

37:02 Adam You never stop. Thrill. But it's not only the thrill, but it's that sort of this guy goes 110 percent, 24-7, and you go for it. Everything you do, there's a lot of these platitudes. Everything this guy does, balls out 100 percent. It's like, I don't want to hang out with that guy. I like a guy who likes to nap and do a little bit of nothing all day.

37:26 Drew Some crackers with some cheese.

37:27 Adam That's right.

37:28 Drew That's what I'm saying.

37:30 Adam That's my point. I'm just wondering if the tempo of life is leading to more of this and a broader spectrum of things to be addicted to.

37:38 Christopher Titus Again, to me, that all speaks of arousal, and arousal is the basic mechanism.

37:42 Adam All right. I'm going to blow a butt, get some coffee and beat one off. I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of the two minutes and the four minute break. We can go look at Titus' car. Christopher Titus is here. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

37:56 Drew Loveline.

38:04 Adam Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. That's Dr. Drew, Christopher Titus in studio tonight. It's got a Showtime special, which he's going to be taping at UCLA this Saturday, and that is 7 o'clock to 9:30 p.m.

38:17 Drew I like the subject matter is like, it's like people from this show in joke form, basically. So my mom, my dad's, you know, addiction to the alcohol and is the six ex-wives, you know, and he got approved for a marriage license gold card from my father.

38:31 Adam Super white trash, the Tituses.

38:33 Drew I have a white trash black belt, actually.

38:36 Christopher Titus This is not really white trash. Well, it's, it's, it's, it has an ethnic flavor to it.

38:43 Adam Well, no, I, here's what I, here's what I think.

38:47 Drew I'm a 6'2 blonde guy, what do you mean, ethnically, what does that mean?

38:50 Christopher Titus I respect like an Irish family.

38:51 Drew Oh, yeah. Irish, Irish and Scottish and stuff.

38:53 Christopher Titus Yeah.

38:54 Drew German, too.

38:55 Adam That's white trash, though. I mean, when you come to this country, you've become white trash. Well, here's what it is.

39:00 Christopher Titus Unidentifiable.

39:01 Drew Hey, man, you don't tell me I'm not white trash, Drew.

39:03 Adam Hey, man.

39:03 Drew I'm telling you.

39:06 Christopher Titus The deal is more colorful than white trash.

39:08 Drew Don't tread on me, my friend.

39:09 Adam No, this is here's the thing. White trash get themselves in trouble because they're stupid and they don't have the energy for six marriages. Yeah, they got a lot of energy. But I know what you're saying. I'm just saying there's sometimes some people get into trouble because of just sheer stupidity and other people get into trouble because of addiction and repetition and demons, right? Where the IQ is there, but that's not enough to pull you out of the mire. The demons are stronger than the IQ is. Obviously, Christopher comes from a high IQ family that's low dysfunctional.

39:45 Drew I had a 180 IQ, conscious pianist, spoke four languages. Your mom? My mom.

39:48 Adam That's not white trash. But now I'm just saying it's all the earmarks of white trash minus the low IQ.

40:01 Drew It's all the earmarks of white trash with a well-paying job, basically. I think we've nailed down to that.

40:06 Adam Now Drew may be right because you can't be a well-paid professional and be white trash.

40:10 Drew Well, it doesn't matter because after every divorce, my father ended up white trash anyways. This broken refrigerator on the porch. They would just take everything.

40:17 Christopher Titus It's where trash want to be.

40:18 Drew At one point in my life, all we had left was a wooden box, 12-inch black and white TV, and a four-man rubber raft that we used as a couch. Wow. And I was the coolest kid in third grade.

40:26 Adam Rubber raft as a couch, right?

40:28 Drew That's right.

40:29 Adam That's nice. Let's go to the phones. Anderson, what did you say, by the way?

40:35 Caller I could barely hear Titus now.

40:37 Adam All right. Faith?

40:39 Yeah.

40:40 Adam You're 24?

40:41 Caller Yeah.

40:42 Adam What's up?

40:44 Caller Well, I wanted to tell you, first of all, that it's not the eighth step. It's the ninth step. Making direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

40:54 Christopher Titus Yeah. The eighth step is a higher power step.

40:56 Adam Oh, okay. This is the one where people... Right. The ninth step is the one where Margaret Cho has to corner me, Kathy Griffin, Stone Cold Sober, and tell me that it wasn't right, which she did to me a few years back when she came on to me. And I'm drunk and high, and I say, don't worry about it. And she says, no, it's not okay, and corners me again. And now it's really getting weird. That's the ninth step.

41:22 Drew So make people feel really uncomfortable on stuff you did in the past that you would just prefer to forget.

41:26 Adam Yeah.

41:26 Drew Okay, good. Just want to check.

41:28 Adam Yeah. It's like, sorry I made you feel uncomfortable three years ago when I was hammered. Let's relive it.

41:33 Drew And let me layer it on a little more, because now I'm in charge of my facility.

41:36 Adam And by the way, when I knew you were hammered and wouldn't remember it the next day, it was no big deal. Now that you're sober, it's extra weird.

41:44 Christopher Titus So what's up, Faith?

41:45 Caller Well, except when the do-so would injure them or others.

41:48 Christopher Titus What's up, Faith? What's going on?

41:51 Adam Stop it. Let's go.

41:53 Drew You're the AA auditor.

41:55 Caller I know. So why did I relapse after six months of sobriety?

42:00 Christopher Titus Six months. Because it's a chronic illness and the relapse is a part of the disease process. You'll figure that out as you get on in your sobriety, where the weaknesses were, where you didn't fall.

42:09 Adam That's step three and a half.

42:10 Christopher Titus Where you didn't follow directions, where you didn't capitulate to the process. It may not be clear to you subjectively now. I'm sure I bet you your sponsor has an idea.

42:18 Caller Well, and that's the thing though, my sponsor never relapsed, a lot of people never relapsed, but I don't want to be one of those people who is like relapsing over and over and over again, you know, and like, I don't know what I didn't get because I thought I was working on a pretty good program.

42:32 Christopher Titus You probably, you might have been, listen, it's not always exactly clear what leads to the relapse. It's a complex process.

42:39 Adam Sometimes you just do a rail, a crank.

42:41 Christopher Titus It's a disease marked, yeah, sometimes you come across stuff that your drives are activated and you can't somehow, you just, you're in the right circumstance, you have the right cues activating things and it's just, you just, you can't withstand those drives when they develop.

42:54 Drew But I have a question. Is it also possible? And this is, look, when people, when people say, you know, you know, someone who's jacked the whole, their whole life, they're doing crank, whatever they got, and then they switch and they go, I'm cleaned up. You get a lot of attention for that, a lot of attention for that. You know, it's great. It's great. Oh my God. And all of a sudden, it's just tension that you crave. Well, then you're six months down, everybody knows you're not getting the big pats on the back anymore. People are like, oh, yeah, great, blah, blah, blah, let's go to the ball game. And then you're like, well, I'm not getting the attention anymore. Is it possible that people, because I had a friend that did this. I had a friend that had the great stories and then six, eight months in, story stopped and we didn't, it's not that we didn't care. It was like, we got it. We got it. Good. You're going. And then he went right back and then he had new stories.

43:31 Christopher Titus Well, but the stories was him trying to convince himself that he was in recovery anyway. And so a person who's squarely in recovery is just relieved. They're letting go. They're not telling you anything. They're just in. So they weren't in all the way that that person wasn't in. And this is, you know, Faith is for, you know, whatever her issues are. You're doing great. You got six months put together. Your back is sober again. Get a new comradery going.

43:57 Adam Are you sober again?

43:58 Drew So I feel into a bonfire.

44:00 Caller I have a month and a half now. And the thing was when I came back.

44:03 Adam That's enough.

44:06 Christopher Titus Don't talk about it. Just, you know, the reason Adam is hanging up on you, you've got some character issues too that need to be sorted through that are above and beyond it, whether you're a trauma survivor or whatever. Those are, Adam's responding to that. And that's part of the stuff that needs to be worked through.

44:20 Adam No, I also sort of believe that when you make sobriety your life, it makes you more apt to fall off too.

44:29 Christopher Titus Yeah, you have to balance your life.

44:30 Adam Yeah. You do because you walk around. I'm an addict. Here's the deal. I'm ready. I'm ready to trip. Any moment now. I could trip and stumble because I'm an addict and I'm this close and I'm missing one meeting away from falling and stumbling. And you look, you got to stay with it. I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm just saying when it when when you become sober person instead of father, mother, son, student, whatever, when it takes the place of when it comes the biggest part of your personality, maybe you're setting yourself up for a fault. Thank you, Drew.

45:04 Drew Because any switch. Well, because I get what he's saying. Any switch takes you down. I fell into a bonfire. I got burned up. I almost died.

45:11 Caller Guess what? Done.

45:12 Drew Haven't have no desire anymore. Not again. Not again. And maybe we should just do that with that. Just push them in fire one time.

45:18 Adam Big volcano. Big surprise.

45:20 Drew You got to give them an escape. You can't just let them burn up. You have to pull them out.

45:23 Adam Great. You guys ready for the 13th step? It's literally a step.

45:28 Drew No, definitely wear a hat.

45:30 Christopher Titus Haleakala.

45:31 Adam Cassandra. You're 19? You got a 10 month old? Are you married?

45:40 Caller Not yet.

45:41 Adam Okay. You better wait. You're 10 month old. She's your daughter and she humps everything in sight?

45:48 Caller Well, not everything in sight. She just humps a lot.

45:51 Adam Yeah. What is that, Drew? Some kids have that.

45:54 Christopher Titus 10 month old. I don't know. I don't know.

45:56 Adam She's horny. What are you going to do?

45:58 Christopher Titus Is there a lot of activity in the home? A lot of chaos?

46:02 Caller Sometimes.

46:03 Christopher Titus Yeah. Well, that's what the child's... The child will sometimes respond to chaos and powerlessness by self-stimulating.

46:10 Adam Why is there a lot of chaos in the home?

46:17 Caller Well, her father and I, we kind of fight sometimes.

46:21 Christopher Titus Well, that's not good.

46:22 Adam You're freaking the kid out.

46:24 Caller Oh, good.

46:25 Christopher Titus Well, cut it out.

46:27 Adam How about you not fighting for the kid?

46:30 Caller Well, we try not to, but sometimes we do.

46:33 Adam All right, we'll stop. All right. And look, no more kids, screwball. That's enough. Really, I would...

46:41 Christopher Titus That's why trash.

46:42 Adam Yeah, just put a raccoon on the phone so I can talk to someone intelligent here. I can raise a kid. Is this in charge of the kid? This is mama? Fantastic. All right, no more kids. And stop fighting for the kid. I know you guys live in a shoe box, so you're going to have to go outside when you have at it with the old man. Christopher Titus is here. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:01 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

47:02 Drew Looking to hook up?

47:03 Christopher Titus Call the Dateline.

47:04 Drew Stick a waste in time with the wrong person?

47:06 Christopher Titus Call the Dateline.

47:06 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:08 Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

47:13 Caller You know what I'm saying now, Dan?

47:15 Caller Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

47:44 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Christopher Titus is in here tonight. Time for a little show that's gonna be a Showtime special and it's doing it at UCLA this Saturday. That is 7 o'clock to 930.

48:00 Drew 7 and 930, two shows, my friend, two shows, my friend.

48:02 Adam I'm sorry.

48:03 Drew Gotta have that second show to fix all the mistakes of the first one. You know what I'm saying? We're gonna put it all together. I'm gonna be wearing the same shirt, though.

48:08 Adam Right.

48:09 Drew So we could edit.

48:09 Adam Right. The 930 shirt will be stained with the stench of failure.

48:17 Drew Oh, that was brutal. It may look like Australia under each arm, but that's not the point, is it?

48:23 Adam Yeah, these are, by the way, this is tried and true. This is proven. This is a proven material.

48:30 Drew There's a guarantee. There's a guarantee of laughter on the show. I guarantee you that it will kick your funky butt.

48:37 Adam Right.

48:38 Drew I say I'm worried about all the Janet Jackson, the radio station I go on now, they're actually, everyone's got their thing over the butt, and oh God, he's gonna say F, you know? So I'm sorry, I said butt. I hope that's all right.

48:47 Adam Seven and nine-thirty UCLA. This Saturday for tickets, you just call 310-825-2101. All right, let's, hooked up with the guy who's 18, Ray? Ray the female, you're 23? Hooked up with an 18-year-old guy. You wanted to date him.

49:08 Caller Yeah, before I knew he was 18.

49:12 Adam Okay, so what happened? You had sex with him?

49:15 Caller No.

49:16 Christopher Titus What do you mean by hooked up?

49:17 Adam Made out with him?

49:18 Caller We just made out and then he came over and hung out for the few days after that and he, then he disappeared cause I don't know if he got scared or whatever. He, I don't know.

49:33 Christopher Titus You don't have a phone number? No phone number?

49:36 Caller Yes, I do have a phone number and he calls me and he still wants to hang out with me. But last week he decided that he didn't want to technically see me anymore, but he still calls me every night and wants to hang out with me.

49:48 Adam Look, let's just agree on this. If you got a guy and he's flaky, he's mixed, he's ambivalent and it's two weeks in the relationship, move on, move on. Don't, don't turn him.

49:59 Christopher Titus You're gonna have big trouble later if, if he's already in this two weeks.

50:03 Drew If I buy a car and it blows a tranny.

50:05 Caller I never hold on a second.

50:07 Christopher Titus Hold on.

50:09 Adam I wasn't totally listening. I think Titus was saying that he has a transsexual.

50:15 Christopher Titus He blew a tranny?

50:16 Adam No, hold on.

50:17 Drew If I'm like, wait a minute, I didn't finish the sentence.

50:19 Adam So you're blowing a tranny.

50:21 Drew In my car, right? And I'm saying, and there's an argument going on. He starts arguing with me and he's got the money in his hand. You dump them out. You open the door, you say, get out, done.

50:30 Adam That's right. Or here's the thing. Drew was saying there's going to be trouble down the road. I don't think there's going to be a down the road per se. Right.

50:41 Christopher Titus I mean, yeah.

50:42 Adam Especially when the guy's 18 and you're 23 and he's giving you the, hey, this ain't happening speech. Just move on.

50:50 Drew And 23, you're totally in your prime. There's some other guy out there that's going to be.

50:53 Adam Yes. Ray, you move on. What's wrong with you?

50:57 Drew Yeah, what's this 18 year old got that this 23 year old girl who's obviously pretty smart needs?

51:02 Caller I don't know. I've never dated a younger guy before. And that's why I don't know why I'm so like.

51:08 Drew I know.

51:08 Caller Why doesn't he like me?

51:10 Drew He's, there you go. That's what it is right there. See, he's playing you. He's totally playing you. He's dissing you for that reason. He's pulling the chick move on you is what he's doing. So you got that little insight right there. He's pulling the chick move on you, move on. Cut him off.

51:23 Christopher Titus No, no, no, he's done, but the reason she's intrigued is because he's done.

51:27 Drew Exactly, exactly.

51:28 Adam And if he committed wholeheartedly six months from now, you'd just be a 23 year old who's dating an 18 year old and get made fun of by your friends. Just move forward, move on baby doll.

51:38 Drew You don't want to have the game boy conversation with your boyfriend when you're 23.

51:41 Adam Yes, that's a very good point. Let's talk to Crystal who's 17, Crystal. Oh, got that little girl voice.

51:51 I know, I'm 17. Okay, I have a big problem here. Okay, two months ago, okay, I haven't had sex for two months and I'm a month pregnant. Is that possible? Like, that I know who the father is because recently I was drunk with his brother and I passed out, but I asked him if anything happened and he was like, no, it didn't happen. And he's married, so I believe him.

52:12 Christopher Titus Why did you think, why did you suspect something had happened?

52:15 Because he's been like, ever since that day, he's been closer to me and offering me right home. And I don't know, I'm just, I feel, I don't know, uncomfortable.

52:23 Christopher Titus But you didn't feel something immediately following upon waking up or anything like that? And how do you know that you're one month pregnant?

52:32 Because I took the pregnancy test.

52:34 Christopher Titus Yeah, but why one month?

52:36 Well, because I took a pregnancy test. I don't know, how else could I be?

52:40 Christopher Titus When was your last period?

52:41 I haven't had it for like two months.

52:45 Christopher Titus So you're two months pregnant.

52:47 Yeah.

52:47 Christopher Titus You're two months pregnant.

52:50 Drew Well, if you haven't had your...

52:51 Christopher Titus Crystal.

52:52 Drew Follow me on the map.

52:53 Adam Mary, I mean Crystal, 60 days in a month? Let me just try this. 60 days in a month, yes? All right, hold on a second. We gotta convene for a second. First off, her name's Crystal, and I was just thinking, right somewhere in between Angel and Cammie in the gonna get pregnant as a team list.

53:13 Christopher Titus Is Crystal.

53:15 Adam List, yeah, I think it goes Angel, Crystal, Cammie. Yeah, it's always troubled. Cammie up there too, surprisingly. Okay, I'm trying to figure out what's going on here. She thinks she got impregnated when she passed out somewhere?

53:30 Christopher Titus But she's decided that's what happened. Therefore, she's a month pregnant, even though it's been two months since she's had her period and only recently took her pregnancy test.

53:40 Adam And who is the guy? The guy is...

53:42 Christopher Titus The brother of her boyfriend.

53:43 Drew Who she trusts because even though she was drunk out of her mind and something obviously happened because she had to bring it up.

53:49 Adam Okay, so let me try this again. Crystal? Okay, so do you have sex with your boyfriend? Maybe it's his baby.

54:00 Well, I don't know.

54:04 Adam Well, it's probably a... Do you use protection?

54:11 Christopher Titus What do you use?

54:11 Condoms.

54:13 Christopher Titus Is it possible that it malfunctioned, that it slipped off, that sort of thing? Does he ever penetrate without the condom?

54:22 Caller That's a NASA-sized word for her.

54:23 Christopher Titus So he never penetrates without the condom on? 247 condoms.

54:32 Adam Andy, that's a lot of humping. So you think you got drunk, you passed out, and his brother had sex with you? I know, I know, I got a post-menopausal neighbor who's nice to me. It doesn't mean she raped me when I fell asleep. I know your theory is he's nice now, so he must have had sex with me while I was passed out.

54:55 Drew There's more though.

54:58 Adam First off, your boyfriend's brother can be nice to you without actually raping you in your sleep. Number two, wouldn't you know it if the guy had intercourse with you?

55:14 Christopher Titus Just didn't wake up sore?

55:17 Adam Okay, hold on. Isn't she answering? But she didn't wake up sore?

55:25 Christopher Titus Right. That's just sort of a loose implication there that the only way she could have told is if she were sore, but she just didn't happen to wake up sore, but that doesn't mean nothing happened. See all that logic in there?

55:38 Adam Really?

55:38 Drew Like you said, Adam, why wouldn't you even bring it up? If I just looked over at the next day and thought, hey, did you just rape me last night? That doesn't happen unless you think something.

55:47 Adam He did offer a ride to school.

55:49 Drew Well, that too.

55:50 Christopher Titus Guilty.

55:52 Adam Yeah, I mean, imagine what a lawyer could do with that. Your honor.

55:56 Drew But that's not why she's saying that. That's why she's telling us something else.

55:58 Adam Crystal. If you passed out at the guy's house and he had intercourse with you while you were passed out, don't you think you would know it? She can't use the F word. Oh, by the way, she's gonna make just a world class mom.

56:20 Drew I think she's a kindergarten teacher, I think.

56:23 Adam She should be working around kids. All right. I gotta get back with her, even though she used the F word. I know Anderson's angry, but I'm acceptable.

56:31 Christopher Titus Are we reset Anderson?

56:33 Adam No.

56:33 Caller Yeah, just barely. What do you mean who cares?

56:35 Christopher Titus Come on.

56:35 Adam All right, that's cool. Yeah, thank you. Listen, Anderson.

56:38 Christopher Titus It's cool.

56:39 Adam Yeah, buddy. Here's the deal. You barely get paid on this job. It's no big deal if you get canned.

56:44 Caller Yeah, I know. I'm actually hoping for it.

56:46 Adam All right, that's what I'm saying. I mean, let's go.

56:48 Caller I wanna go out with a bang. I don't wanna, because Crystal decides to cuss, you know.

56:51 Adam All right. Crystal.

56:53 Caller Yeah.

56:55 Adam Please don't use any profanity on the show or we're gonna have to hang up on you.

56:59 Caller Okay.

57:00 Adam I know you were really effed up. Why?

57:04 Christopher Titus Because you told us.

57:05 Drew You totally said it on radio.

57:07 Adam I took a look at the surveillance footage. I go over that very carefully before each show. I could, hold on a second. By the way, I mean, when your reproductive system is up and running and your brain is still that of like a developing primate, that's a scary combination for society. That's a disaster as far as society goes.

57:31 Drew You just offended Jane Goodall, actually, with that comment.

57:34 Adam I know, I know. Wow. Yeah, I know, give the chimps some credit. Hey, Crystal. Okay, I know you were very out of it and you were very effed up. I still, and we talk to people all the time that are very effed up, they still, they wake up, their panties are torn, there's semen on them, they're sore, they're bleeding. You know. Something. They still realize, I go to bed effed up almost every night. I don't wake up thinking I got a corn hole. But two days a week. And that's one of seven.

58:08 Drew When there's a polaroid in your hand.

58:09 Adam Yeah.

58:09 Drew That's always. Right.

58:11 Adam I mean, why, and again, no profanity, Crystal. Why are you so sure the guy's brother had sex with you? Crystal, can you please get an abortion? Abortion. I just, all right, I just heard the smoke alarm.

58:30 Christopher Titus Oh, is that what that was? I think I heard it too.

58:31 Adam I think I heard it. Is that the low battery chirp on the smoke alarm?

58:37 Christopher Titus There it is.

58:38 Adam There it is. Oh, and it's on a fast rotation too. It's about every 15, 20 seconds. Yeah, stand under it, would you please? Let me time it. Oh, there.

58:48 Christopher Titus Are you standing under it?

58:50 Caller No, I'm not standing under it.

58:52 Christopher Titus Please stand under it. Because we would like you to.

58:55 Adam It's important. It has healing powers. There we go. There it is, okay.

58:59 Christopher Titus Wow, is that loud?

59:00 Adam Went at five, whoa, she moved under it.

59:02 Christopher Titus But still.

59:04 Adam Well, okay.

59:05 Christopher Titus Where is that smoke alarm in your house?

59:06 Adam She's gonna say the ceiling. It's in my room. It's in your room, okay. How long has the battery been low? How long has it been chirping? Just today? Crystal? Just today?

59:19 Christopher Titus Just today.

59:20 Adam You call back in three weeks, it'll still be gone. How about you give the kid up for adoptions? 27 seconds. You don't know how to tell him why?

59:34 Drew Tell him that someone's being nice to you? Okay, so Crystal, here's the thing. Look, you're so sure of this. Something happened. You're not telling us the whole thing. You are so sure this guy did ya, that you're not telling us this is because he's nice to you. Just cut to it. What happened?

59:52 Adam All right, hold on, sharp, sharp's coming.

59:54 Drew I flew with the lady.

59:55 Caller Sharp, sharp.

59:58 Adam Where's the sharp?

59:59 Christopher Titus Did you walk away from your room, Crystal? No. You're in your room still. Oh, all right.

1:00:07 Drew That was a high point of the conversation for me, guys.

1:00:09 Christopher Titus Here's the deal. The other thing Crystal might, forget something, she's actually believing something else happened, Crystal needs immense chaos. And so this is a bid for chaos.

1:00:20 Adam All right, Crystal, look, here's.

1:00:24 Drew Always involve a baby with the chaos, too. Nice job.

1:00:25 Adam Please, please get an abortion or give the kid up for adoption. Let a responsible family raise this child. You are in no shape. Look, here's the only thing. You only gotta be smart enough to realize how stupid you are. That's all I need you to do right now. And you are really stupid. You should not be raising this kid. This kid's gonna grow up worse than you did. And I imagine that was pretty bad.

1:00:49 Drew And buy some 9-volt batteries.

1:00:50 Adam You may even be an honorary Titus.

1:00:52 Caller Hey, whoa! It's true, it's true.

1:00:56 Adam So listen, give the kid up for adoption and stop your chaos. I know your dad's not around and whatever went on, you got molested. Just please stop it, everybody. I only get angry when you take it out on the kid. I feel sorry for all of you. Here's what I do. I feel sorry for all the boys until they get violent against somebody else. I feel sorry for all the girls until they bring a new kid to crap on into society. Everybody, everyone is a victim until they make someone else a victim. And that's what you're doing now.

1:01:22 Drew Just because a Scoutmaster rubbed your butt at the overnight jamboree doesn't mean that you get to take that out on a kid when you have one.

1:01:27 Adam That's right. That's right. But, you know, they probably shouldn't name it jamboree if they don't want it. It has some sort of a sexual connotation to it. Nick? Yeah? You're asking for trouble with the jamboree.

1:01:38 Christopher Titus You're right.

1:01:38 Adam Bivwhack. Much safer.

1:01:40 Drew Much better.

1:01:42 Adam Tougher. With Bivwhack here. We jamboree. Yeah, that's trouble.

1:01:46 Drew Exactly.

1:01:47 Adam That's a grope fest.

1:01:47 Drew Yeah, if you got your right. If you scavengers call it a jamboree.

1:01:49 Adam Bivwhack. We fill our canteens, we all hit the hay. Jamboree, that's s'mores, ghost stories and goosing.

1:01:57 Caller Yeah.

1:01:57 Drew That's some butt rubbing going on.

1:01:59 Caller You're right.

1:01:59 Drew Good point.

1:02:00 Adam Nick?

1:02:01 Caller Yeah?

1:02:02 Adam You got a car question?

1:02:04 Caller Yeah, man.

1:02:05 Caller I've got a 196F100.

1:02:07 Caller I'm throwing a 427 Hemi in it.

1:02:09 Caller And I need to know if I should reinforce the front clip or if I do.

1:02:14 Adam Hold on. You got a F100 pickup truck?

1:02:17 Caller Yeah.

1:02:17 Caller I'm throwing a 427 Hemi in it.

1:02:20 Drew So that's a really rare motor, dude.

1:02:22 Adam Yeah.

1:02:23 Drew If that's a Ford, that's a really rare motor. What are you doing? How'd you get that motor?

1:02:27 Caller I just got it off the internet.

1:02:29 Adam No. You're putting a Ford Hemi in your Ford truck? Ford didn't make a whole lot of Hemi's, did they?

1:02:38 Drew They made a hemispherical head engine. It wasn't called a Hemi because they couldn't call it because Dodge had actually trademarked it. They couldn't call it the Hemi.

1:02:47 Adam They didn't make very many of them. What's this young punk got? He's full of crap.

1:02:52 Drew On the internet, that's an $11,000 purchase.

1:02:54 Adam Yeah, you're not putting it in a $400 truck.

1:02:58 Caller It's completely restored and everything. If I were to fill it right now, I'd get at least about $6,000 for it.

1:03:03 Adam All right. All right. What kind of tranny are you running?

1:03:06 Caller I think it's a TCH 308.

1:03:09 Caller It's custom built for it.

1:03:10 Adam All right. So you're putting that in your truck.

1:03:12 Drew He's making up numbers, by the way, Adam. He's just making stuff up at this point.

1:03:15 Adam I don't believe him. And he wants to know, you want to know if you got to reinforce the front clip.

1:03:19 Drew Yeah.

1:03:20 Adam Well, look.

1:03:20 Drew Are you putting it in a stock, is it a stock truck? Yeah, it's a stock truck. Is it the frame stock? Well, first of all, number one, you shouldn't be, all right, let me, okay. See, I get mad like you get the scooter. Look, if you're going to do that, if you're going to waste an $11,000 motor on a $6,000 truck. You're an idiot. You're stupid. You know what you should do? You should actually take the body off the truck. You want to do it right? Build a tube frame for it. Do it right. Because you're building, you're putting the motor in something that doesn't need it. You know, I'm as mad as you with the kid thing. Don't waste that motor on that truck, man, unless you're going to take it and do it right, all right? If you're building a cover car, use that motor. But if you've got a Ford, if you've got one of those Ford Hemi motors, do not put it in that truck, all right? All right. Don't call back. What time is it?

1:04:00 Adam You disgust it.

1:04:02 Drew I'm sick. I'm by the whole thing.

1:04:04 Adam It's got the twin I-beam suspension as I learned from the, there used to be a great commercial made that movie Mr. Majestic with Charles Bronson. There used to be a Ford truck commercial where they'd go, this is a Ford F-150 from the movie Mr. Majestic, and they'd go with some suspension modification. And they would show Charles Bronson who was like a pissed off bean farmer jumping as a truck.

1:04:29 Drew It's like 30 feet in the air and the car continues on after it lands. That's what I hate in the movies.

1:04:32 Adam I like it in the movies, yeah. I always like it when they're on the streets of San Francisco. You see the car go up, you see it land, you see the A-arms buckle.

1:04:40 Drew The transmission comes through the roof.

1:04:41 Adam The transmission comes up and you see the front tires just completely tow out. They just taco.

1:04:47 Drew The spindles are on the ground.

1:04:48 Adam Right. And then next scene he's going around the corners. That's beautiful. Yeah. Have you ever seen Mr. Majestic, Drew?

1:04:54 Drew No.

1:04:55 Adam Heard of it. Yeah.

1:04:56 Drew I don't mean to get fired up on a car question.

1:04:58 Adam Yeah.

1:04:59 Drew Sorry guys, get fired up. Hey, don't bring up a car question on Loveline, alright? You'll be a little fired up.

1:05:03 Adam Yeah. That would be nice. Anastasia? You're 20?

1:05:07 Caller Uh-huh.

1:05:09 Adam What's the matter, baby doll?

1:05:14 Caller I've been having feelings like sensations kind of like I'm ovulating almost, but a little bit more like short in my pelvic area, and I was wondering if that could possibly be pre-infant.

1:05:27 Christopher Titus It could possibly be a lot of things, Anastasia. You're in no position to sort of speculate about that. You've got to get it checked out. It could be infection, it could be abscess, it could be endometriosis, it could be cyst, it could be a tubal pregnancy, it could be a lot of things.

1:05:41 Adam Are you sexually active?

1:05:43 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:05:45 Christopher Titus So, you need to get in first thing tomorrow.

1:05:47 Caller Really?

1:05:49 Adam Yeah. How about it? You have a doctor? Well, not everyone on the show has one.

1:05:58 Christopher Titus Are you on a medication? So, you're not using birth control? Okay, then another reason you've got to get in right away.

1:06:07 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

1:06:08 Caller No.

1:06:09 Adam Are you having sex with anyone? What's going on with that?

1:06:15 Caller What do you mean?

1:06:17 Christopher Titus Is he using a condom?

1:06:18 Caller No.

1:06:20 Adam Hey, Anastasia, you sound good and nutty. What's up? Well, here's the thing. All Drew and I do, it's like we're FBI profilers and we just keep flipping through books and books and going, this guy's guilty. It's amazing. Look, here's the thing. Let me just, quick speech here. Drew, stop me from writing. Titus, feel free to applaud at the end of this.

1:06:43 Drew Okay.

1:06:46 Adam All we do all night is listen to people's voice, their affect, their tone, their caves.

1:06:51 Christopher Titus And how they make us feel.

1:06:52 Adam And how they make us feel. Yes.

1:06:54 Christopher Titus And we respond to that.

1:06:55 Adam People say, look, how can you know this about somebody when you barely know them and you haven't even seen them? All that does is muddy our trough. It really does. It's a pure form just to speak to them over the phone.

1:07:09 Caller We can learn more from two syllables of a stranger than some couples know about each other for 40 years of marriage. And by golly, with God's good grace and the power of this country behind us, we're moving forward. I know where you're going.

1:07:30 Adam Thank you for the crescendo, by the way. The point is, is they make us feel a certain way. We hear three syllables out of somebody who can hear whether they're depressed. You can hear whether they're anxious. You can hear whether they're happy, sad, whatever it is, abuse, drunk, high. It's all easy. You just pick it up in their voice.

1:07:50 Drew Is it a formula? Is it like, is it?

1:07:51 Adam It's just how it makes us feel.

1:07:53 Drew Well, with this one, is it the little, is it the kind of squeaky little voice?

1:07:55 Adam You got a little girl voice mixed with some confusion, mixed with, well, I'm having sex with a guy, but I wouldn't call him my boyfriend, there's a little intimacy problem there. Mixed with, I'm not really taking care of myself. Like, I'm not using protection, although I'm having a sex with a, having sex with a guy, I'm not really having a relationship.

1:08:15 Drew You guys are like white trash alchemists.

1:08:17 Adam Yes. Thank you.

1:08:18 Christopher Titus But I mean, she's 20. She's, this is like not right for 20-year-olds.

1:08:21 Adam Anastasia?

1:08:21 Christopher Titus Be that clueless.

1:08:23 Adam Okay. Hold on. I'm going to make a guess. Junior college. Thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, I know junior college.

1:08:31 Christopher Titus I know junior college when I hear it.

1:08:32 Caller Oh, that's not right.

1:08:34 Adam Yeah, it's not right, but it is so right, isn't it? Where are you going to junior college? Yeah. I like to know.

1:08:43 Caller Cerritos College.

1:08:44 Adam Cerritos. That's even, it made fun of in the junior college realm. The ranks, like Valley College makes fun of Cerritos. You keep effing up, son, you're going to end up at Cerritos, JC. It's a threat.

1:08:58 Drew It's like the continuation junior college.

1:09:01 Adam All right. So, listen, Anastasia, I don't know who this guy is you're having sex with is, you got to start using protection.

1:09:11 Christopher Titus And you need, you're sexually active, so you need to get regular pelvic exams. You're now having pelvic pain, and as I said, there's many dozens of different things that could be, some of which could be serious, like an ectopic pregnancy, some of which could affect your fertility, like a chlamydia infection. So you got to get this checked out.

1:09:30 Adam But in general.

1:09:30 Christopher Titus And you need to get a birth control.

1:09:31 Adam Anastasia, take control of your life. You're a good person. There's nothing wrong with you. You can do it.

1:09:37 Drew Yeah, this is a drama. You don't want to go any further. I actually was bleeding. My wife was pregnant with something. I got prostatitis. I didn't know what it was. And I had pain and I'm bleeding because I knew something was wrong, but I just kind of hugged. And I'm a guy. It'll go away.

1:09:49 Adam Right.

1:09:49 Drew Or something will fall off and then it'll go away.

1:09:50 Adam Right.

1:09:51 Drew And so before something bad happens, go to the doctor, for God's sake.

1:09:54 Christopher Titus Prostatitis.

1:09:55 Adam I know.

1:09:55 Drew I know.

1:09:56 Adam This is ironic.

1:09:57 Drew And it's bad.

1:09:58 Christopher Titus And she wants to be this guy to be her boyfriend.

1:10:00 Adam Oh, I'm sure.

1:10:01 Christopher Titus Yeah.

1:10:02 Adam I'm sure.

1:10:02 Drew He's just a real good friend.

1:10:03 Adam Here's the thing. Listen, just take control. Take charge.

1:10:07 Christopher Titus Fine.

1:10:07 Adam And here's the thing. Don't count on guys to guide you.

1:10:10 Christopher Titus In anything, anyway.

1:10:12 Adam They will not. They'll do what they got to do. Here's the whole thing. Count on guys to take care of you as much as the guy in the car lot is going to take care of you. He's not. It's you against him. You better show up with some comparable prices and haggle and say you got another guy on the internet who's going to offer you this. You just show up, throw yourself on their mercy, they'll rape you and that's it. Don't just hand them your credit card and go running out to the car.

1:10:36 Drew And a nice car that he's driving is like undercoating. It doesn't mean anything. Right.

1:10:39 Adam It's not real.

1:10:40 Drew If he's driving like a Porsche, it's worse.

1:10:42 Adam That's right.

1:10:42 Drew You're getting screwed.

1:10:43 Adam That's right. All right. We're going to take ourselves just a little break. That's where they make all their money, Drew.

1:10:48 Christopher Titus Who?

1:10:48 Adam All that stuff. All the car places.

1:10:50 Christopher Titus What?

1:10:51 Adam All that rust proofing and Simonizing and scotch guarding.

1:10:55 Drew They still do the Simonizing?

1:10:56 Adam I don't know. That's where all the money comes from. It's always like, well, over five years, it's just 11 bucks a month. Then they start adding all that junk up. Before you know it, you paid like 1,700 bucks for an alarm that you could have had put in down the street for 199 bucks. All right. Because I feel people ought to know. You're a consumer advocate. Thank you. I really just like the sound of my own voice.

1:11:19 Caller We're going to take a quick break. Christopher Titus here.

1:11:21 Adam You don't have to nod. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:11:29 Caller Loveline, 1800 LOVE.

1:11:31 Caller 191.

1:11:33 Christopher Titus One.

1:11:48 Adam Christopher Titus is here tonight. He's got himself a little showtime special. He's going to be filming at UCLA this Saturday, 7 o'clock and 9.30. All you got to do is go to www.tickets.ucla.edu. That's education. And you find out, you go see them. All right, ready to go here, guys?

1:12:10 Drew Yeah, let's go.

1:12:11 Adam Let's talk to Katrina, who's 16. Katrina?

1:12:15 Caller Yeah.

1:12:17 Adam You saw your stepdad glancing at her when you got out of the shower.

1:12:21 Caller Yeah, it was real creepy.

1:12:24 Caller I was in my room, like changing, because I'm just a naked person. I just got out of the shower and I turned and I like could see in my mirror, I was in my closet and I could see like shadows past behind outside my back door, because it has windows on it. And it-

1:12:42 Adam Uh-huh, he was outside.

1:12:44 Caller Yeah, he was looking through like the garage door, like into my window. And I knew it was him and I didn't know what to do. And I just called my friend and she was like, say something to him. And so I just opened the door and I was like, this is really creepy, but that's all I said. And I closed it and I didn't even look at him or anything.

1:13:02 Adam And then-

1:13:03 Christopher Titus Maybe he was looking at your friend.

1:13:05 Adam No, she called the friend.

1:13:06 Christopher Titus She called the friend.

1:13:08 Caller I didn't know what to do. I was so nervous. And when I was on the phone with her, I could just still see him outside and he wasn't leaving.

1:13:17 Christopher Titus Good for you. You really handled it very well. You got support for yourself. You took action.

1:13:23 Caller And so I walked in, cause my friend said, go see if he's sitting in the living room now. And then I walked out of my room and I could see the door that you would leave through my house into the garage wasn't all the way closed. And I knew it was him. And I walked in and I was like, were you in the garage? Cause I think I saw shadows. And he was like, no.

1:13:44 Caller Was he drinking or anything?

1:13:46 Caller I know it was him. I saw him.

1:13:47 Adam All right.

1:13:48 Christopher Titus Well, was he drinking or using?

1:13:51 Adam Is he boozing?

1:13:54 Christopher Titus Him.

1:13:56 Caller I don't know. Maybe sometimes.

1:13:59 Adam Well, let me ask a couple of questions. You knew it was him. You could see him that clearly that you knew it was him.

1:14:06 Caller I could see a shadow. Like I've lived with him my whole life. Like, and then I like, I could see him.

1:14:15 Adam All right. So you could, you knew it was him just because it felt like him because you've been in his presence enough.

1:14:21 Christopher Titus Could you get like bolts on your windows and doors? That sort of thing. Just screw in a couple of locks.

1:14:26 Caller I'm going to have to put something over my windows now. I don't know how many times this has happened.

1:14:31 Adam Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Let's just assume this is the first time it happened because you saw it. You know what I mean? This is what I have when I get a new ding in my car. I always walk down to it and I go, hey, look at that new ding. When or, that must have happened last night. And then I go, well, wait a minute, it could have happened any time. And then I go, wait a minute, how come I just noticed it now? So look at it like I look at my new dings, which is you just noticed it now. So let's just assume this the first time you did it. Otherwise you would have noticed him before.

1:14:59 Caller All right.

1:15:00 Adam It'll just, it'll make you feel better. It'll be better. We'll just start this one from this point on. Shouldn't you have curtains in your room anyway?

1:15:09 Caller Well, it's my back door. And all that's in my backyard is a door for my garage. And then just like a really small area of cement, like no one can see into my room.

1:15:21 Adam And does he have it? Did he have any business out in the garage or he was just out there with the light off?

1:15:27 Caller He was out there with the light off.

1:15:29 Adam Have you told your mom?

1:15:31 Caller No, it just happened. And I, my stepdad, like, he's always been like overly friendly with me and just my friends, you know, like, Oh, you look really nice in that shirt, you know?

1:15:41 Adam Well, you, but you say you've known him your whole life.

1:15:45 Caller I have. And it's just, Since you were how old? I married my mom when I was like six.

1:15:52 Christopher Titus Do you have any siblings?

1:15:55 Caller Yeah, my his I have a brother that was the same as my with my mom and my dad. And then he has two kids and I'm really close with my step sister. And I always tell her, you know, your dad creeps me out. And I know I'm really freaked out. Yeesh.

1:16:13 Christopher Titus What does she say when you say that?

1:16:15 Caller She's just like, I don't know. She doesn't really want to hear about it. You know, it's her dad.

1:16:19 Drew She's also 17 too. Maybe you are noticing it early on because she's 17 now. And that's that, you know, even the dad's going, he's been maybe thinking about it. Sounds pretty creepy though. I was like, yes, the curtains are good. We need like, it's like creepy stepdad trading spaces. We need to go on right now because he's doing some stuff.

1:16:37 Adam Well, look, here's the thing. Here's what we can hold for. And I will open this to a debate, but here's how I would proceed. I would put a curtain on the back window. A number one.

1:16:51 Christopher Titus And a lock.

1:16:52 Adam Well, the back door should have a lock on it anyway.

1:16:54 Drew Well, he's also stepdad, so he lives there.

1:16:56 Adam Yeah.

1:16:57 Christopher Titus Yeah, but he's got a lock or something.

1:16:58 Adam B number two, you don't have to tell mama yet. Hopefully, this guy got some scare put into him. Like, okay, he's not an all out, just pedophile rapist. Otherwise, he would have done something by now. Yeah, he's probably just sort of innocent and creepy at the same time.

1:17:17 Drew That she said something to him was great.

1:17:18 Adam Hopefully, yes, that you said something to him is great. Hopefully he got that message, feels scared to death that you're going to talk to your mom about it and is completely sworn off of this. Hopefully learned his lesson. If he hasn't, you go right to mom. That's it. Sorry that you got to feel creeped out in front of this guy. That's unfortunate. It's too bad. I don't know that there's a lot you can do that's going to stop you from feeling creeped out in front of this guy.

1:17:48 Christopher Titus What is this? March? You can leave for college in a couple of months.

1:17:50 Adam It's pretty much this should be all the incentive you need to get your grades up and go off somewhere to college.

1:17:56 Drew You don't think you should talk to mom though? You don't think?

1:17:58 Christopher Titus I could go either way with that. I think most more of these...

1:18:00 Caller I'm just worried because my mom is like, my mom's an alcoholic and she's a really emotional person. And just really unstable. And she gets jealous when my stepdad like, one time he was like outside like going to the cat and my mom comes downstairs and thought he was whistling at some lady and yelled at him for like an hour. Like my mom won't even let, she won't even let me talk to my stepdad. Oh, wow.

1:18:24 Christopher Titus Maybe you should turn her loose on him.

1:18:26 Caller Yeah. But for some reason lately my stepdad has been being really friendly with me. Like if I'm like, oh, I'm just going to take a walk. He's like, do you want company? Like he's... And I'll stand there and I'm just, I'm a genuinely nice person, you know?

1:18:39 Adam No, you are. But you're also assertive, which is good. And your mom sounds like a mess. Here's the thing. I like your friend. She's like a kazoo with boobs, you know, she just pops up, gives him nice little information from the safe distance of her bedroom.

1:18:54 Christopher Titus Jenny, does she call you dum-dum?

1:18:57 Adam It's an old joke. Listen, Katrina, here's the deal. Your stepdad is on double secret probation, which is if he says, like you go, look, I'm going to go... If he says, hey, you want some company? Now it's time to pull him aside and say, listen, I'm uncomfortable with this. I don't want to get mom involved with this. We both know how easily she comes unhinged. Please don't make me do that.

1:19:20 Drew But you also want to build a creepy, like an anti-creepy stepdad crew with your friends. You really do want to make sure that's...

1:19:26 Christopher Titus And safety in your home. Locks, not alone with him, all that kind of good stuff.

1:19:31 Drew He's a hickory, nice piece of hickory.

1:19:32 Christopher Titus And by the way, we have a saying in my world, that's what we call it, Martin's law. A gentleman I used to work with, my name is Martin, who coined this law, which is that if the wife is an alcoholic or a user, the husband is too, particularly if she needs treatment.

1:19:46 Drew By the way, the kneecap, real painful. He's a piece of hickory on the kneecap. Crack him. Next time he walks in your room, does anything, just one time, just take him to the ground.

1:19:55 Adam I know this sounds pathetic, but I almost feel sorry for the guy, too. He's got this alcoholic shrew of whatever. All of a sudden, he blinks and his stepdaughter's got a nice C cup going. And it's like he's sitting there reading the sports page on his beat up sofa and he hears that distinctive shower shut off. All of a sudden, it's like, hit, old lady hasn't put out in six months. It's like, now's going to be a good time to go check the fuse box out by the garage.

1:20:24 Drew That old BSA motorcycle I was working on needs to be looked at in the dark. I'll bring the flashlight.

1:20:28 Adam Drew is a man of supreme passion.

1:20:30 Christopher Titus You are so predictable.

1:20:32 Adam You can at least identify that. You don't condone.

1:20:35 Christopher Titus No.

1:20:36 Adam And if he stops at this level, it's okay. And on the other hand, I feel horrible for these women who, I mean, can you imagine how creepy it would be? I don't want to use that word 30 times, but you got a guy living in a house with you. You pretty much know he would like to have sex with you.

1:20:51 Christopher Titus And he's your dad?

1:20:52 Adam And he's your dad or stepdad? I mean, isn't that weird? Like, I had a weirdo stepdad too, but he didn't want to have sex with me.

1:20:58 Christopher Titus You sure?

1:20:58 Adam Am I sure you don't want to have sex with me?

1:21:01 Drew Yeah, man.

1:21:02 Christopher Titus I've seen the way he looks at you.

1:21:03 Drew Drew showed me letters.

1:21:06 Adam Maybe that's why he was wearing that. He's still wearing the members only jacket. All right. Let's, uh, Drew, see, you don't have that experience of weirdo stepparents in their house. Stepparent is weird because it's like they got the word parent in there, but not just barely and they ain't and they're pissed and you're not sure what to do with them and you're kind of freaked out by them and it ain't your dad. It ain't your mom. Um, on the other hand, you want everything to be copacetic, but on the other hand, they got, it's like, security guard with a gun is what it is.

1:21:37 Drew It's like, you know, we sent a real cop, but you, but there's, there's, they got a weapon on them.

1:21:40 Adam They're licensed to use, to use a weapon. They start, uh, it's a disaster. It's always weird. Christmas comes around.

1:21:52 Christopher Titus They don't, you know, you always defended the words. Oh, look, my parents separate when I was eight.

1:21:55 Caller I'm fine. What's the big deal?

1:21:57 Adam Look at me. I'm literally a millionaire. Literally. No, it, look, I know you talk about the divorce being, uh, horrible on a kid. I'm telling you that, uh, my parents getting a bring breaking apart was a good thing because they're both such idiots and such a mess together. You see, you're, you're acting like two very loving, very nurturing people decided to go separate ways instead of the loser Carolla's who are arguing over a sofa with a burn, huge, you know, huge burn mark on it. You know, that, that was like, uh, I mean, when losers break up, it's a good thing. But the step parents are weird.

1:22:35 Drew My, my parents divorced. I've involved the bar tab. So it gets rough. It gets, you know, I, I'm with Adam on this one.

1:22:44 Adam White trash. That's the Tituses, everybody.

1:22:46 Christopher Titus Four languages.

1:22:47 Adam Well, uh, well, well, fifth, uh, dysfunction. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:22:56 Christopher Titus Hello.

1:23:07 Adam Hey there, buddy, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Christopher Titus, dear, dear friend, Christopher Titus here tonight. He's got himself a little special from Showtime.

1:23:18 Drew Doing the big one-hour comedy special at the UCLA, my friend.

1:23:22 Adam That is coming up this Saturday. Seven o'clock show, 9.30 show. You can go to www.tickets.ucla.edu if you want to get tickets.

1:23:33 Drew And it's about being proud that you screwed up. I hear people on the show, some people feel like they're not, they have no life. But I'm proud, I'm just, be proud you screwed up. Don't get too proud like me. I actually got in an argument with a guy in a bar, I've been at 50 bucks, I was more dysfunctional than he was. And he raped me. So I tipped him. I'm very competitive.

1:23:53 Adam Yeah, now Christopher's on paper, I don't think anyone is more dysfunctional, at least has come from a more dysfunctional past.

1:24:01 Christopher Titus How happy were you when they got Stacey Keach to play her dad?

1:24:04 Drew I was scared out of my mind. You know, actually, first thing I asked him about his drug habit, the first thing I like, the first thing we're on set, I go, let me ask you about the cocaine bust. Because I like him once again, which also probably lost me this show, I have a tendency to cut right to it with people.

1:24:14 Adam Yeah, he got busted when he was Hammer.

1:24:17 Drew Yeah.

1:24:17 Adam Like Hammer. Because in Europe, going through airport or something?

1:24:21 Drew He was cool though, he was real cool, he told me right away, he said that he was so addicted to cocaine at the time, and he said this, he said, I was ready to quit, because I was so addicted to cocaine at the time, I had one of those fake shaving cream containers, I put my cocaine in the fake one, then put the fake shaving cream container next to my real one in my luggage. So when Customs opened the bag, it said Gillette with a J and Gillette with a G, and they're like, hello Mr. Ketch, come here please, can we take you up to the side and talk to you for a minute? So yeah, it was full of cocaine.

1:24:44 Adam Yeah, I don't know why, I don't know, I pack, I would do this, I make the same mistake, because I act like they don't have shaving products, not only in other countries, in New York. If I go to New York, I'm like, look, if I don't bring this Edge shave gel, I'm not gonna be able to shave for the four days over in the Big Apple there. Like, I go crazy, I don't know what is that obsession? I'm sure you do the same thing at Drew. You would just act, I mean, sure, you wanna bring what you gotta bring, but you just don't think you can even buy a pair of socks somewhere else. I don't know why you gotta pack that way. How about just emotional freedom, saying, I'll just send, I'll have the room service guy bring it up if I forget something.

1:25:21 Drew Yeah, for God's sakes, you might be stubbly. What if you're stubbly? What if you're in the airport bathroom and you're feeling weird and stubbly? You need to shave.

1:25:30 Adam I just, I pack, I go like a maniac with that stuff. And even if it's the, you know, little throwaway toothpaste things and stuff, it's weird. Yeah? Going and getting it?

1:25:40 Drew Yeah, yeah, that's the problem.

1:25:41 Adam All right, but not as big a pain as being busted for narcotics and Heathrow.

1:25:46 Christopher Titus No, that's a bigger pain.

1:25:47 Adam Thank you. Jenny?

1:25:48 Yeah.

1:25:48 Adam You're 18?

1:25:49 Caller Uh-huh.

1:25:50 Adam You got a 23 year old boyfriend?

1:25:52 Caller Yeah, well, I have trouble like trusting him because like when we were together, like something came upon us, right? This girl that he messed around with before, like she has a baby now and it's his.

1:26:11 Christopher Titus Something came upon you?

1:26:13 Caller Yeah, like-

1:26:14 Adam He came upon somebody.

1:26:15 Christopher Titus Or with Ed.

1:26:16 Caller No, like the situation. Okay, so this girl-

1:26:21 Adam Did he cheat while you guys were together?

1:26:23 Caller No, no, no, uh-uh, no.

1:26:25 Adam Okay.

1:26:25 Christopher Titus How dare you, Adam?

1:26:28 Adam I know because how dare I try to besmirch this guy's minty fresh reputation. I'm picturing I have like a top hat and spats. A little mustache whack.

1:26:39 Christopher Titus So Jenny, what's the question?

1:26:40 Caller Okay, well, I don't know. I'm like so confused because I still want to be with him, but we have like trouble in our relationship a lot. Like I have a hard time cheating. Like, I mean, I have a hard time like trusting him because like he's really honest about everything, right? But I don't know. Sometimes like I just don't.

1:27:02 Adam Well, let's talk. Do you have any kids with this guy?

1:27:05 Caller No, no, no.

1:27:06 Christopher Titus Okay.

1:27:07 Adam That's good. Now here's the thing, guys. The guy is fertile. He has a very powerful seed and he's going to get you pregnant too.

1:27:18 Caller Oh, I've been taking care of myself.

1:27:21 Adam Good, good. What does he do for a living?

1:27:24 Caller Well, he works-

1:27:25 Christopher Titus Right now.

1:27:26 Caller Well, right now he just has his job. He's working for a minimum wage.

1:27:32 Adam Yeah.

1:27:32 Drew Just as I just- Is it door to door? Hi, what do you need? Well, I mean, what does he do actually for a minimum? Well, right now.

1:27:38 Adam Yeah, what does he do?

1:27:39 Drew What does he do?

1:27:42 Caller Yeah.

1:27:43 Adam All right, so this guy's pretty much a loser, yes?

1:27:46 Caller Yeah. He's a good person, you know?

1:27:51 Drew Losers go, sure.

1:27:52 Adam Well, what's he doing?

1:27:53 Drew And a good side of a loser, on the upside.

1:27:55 Adam Does he see his child?

1:27:57 Caller Yeah, yeah. He's in the child's life now.

1:28:00 Adam He is.

1:28:01 Caller And she's in his life now, too, but like he had, well, when that happened, like when he found out that the baby was his or whatever, like me and him broke up and then, like I left town because like, I guess it was too much for me or whatever, and he moved in with her and then. Yeah.

1:28:23 Adam I thought she left town because she lost a wrestling match, which I would like to see come back.

1:28:28 Caller Oh, but look, look, okay, let me tell you like, okay, right, he moves in with her and then he decides that he can't be with her, right, because he doesn't feel the same way.

1:28:36 Adam Okay, listen, hold on, hold on. Look, you got, there's, dump this guy.

1:28:41 Drew Yeah, I know.

1:28:42 Adam It's too much, too much cast. You're 18, baby doll, there's nothing wrong with you.

1:28:46 Drew And listen to the way you sound, you sound smart, intelligent, you sound sweet.

1:28:49 Caller I am, but I don't know, I have a chance, like, I don't know, I just want to give him a chance.

1:28:53 Drew Like, why? Tell me why, give me a reason. Tell me why you want to give him a chance.

1:28:59 Caller I don't know, cause like, I don't know, we've been through so much and that's the reason.

1:29:02 Christopher Titus Exactly, that's why you stop.

1:29:04 Drew We've been through so much. You know, people that were under the Hindenburg didn't get on a blimp again. They were like, no, I don't want to do this anymore, you know, what are you doing? You've been through so much, just because you fought up the mountain doesn't mean there's like an escalator on the next one. For God's sakes, run, turn and run.

1:29:18 Caller What is wrong with people? Why, get away from this guy.

1:29:22 Christopher Titus Uh-oh. Sisyphus. Yes, thank you Titus.

1:29:24 Adam Titus' rubber band has finally snapped. I know, it just kept winding and winding that beanie.

1:29:32 Drew But how do you guys do it every night? Cause there is a point when you go-

1:29:35 Adam We don't care son.

1:29:36 That's the difference between me and you.

1:29:38 Drew I'm going to tumor. Listening to some of it. You know, you've been through a lot with this guy, it's time to move on. Move on.

1:29:44 Adam Yeah, and when you're talking about minimum wage, it is that much easier. Heather? Drew, you're starting to develop a bad habit which is putting a sticker over the person's name. So I can't read what name you're getting.

1:29:55 Drew Sorry for unloading guys.

1:29:56 Adam That's all right. Just don't do it again. Heather, you're 21. What's up?

1:30:00 Caller Hi. And I've had this friend for a few years. And I got familiar with her family and you know, her husband, she has three children. And anyhow, we kind of gotten to, you know, kind of little fight. She, because I had watched her kids and you know, whatever, regardless of what the fight was about. A few months later, she called me and she wants me to come up and you know, she missed me, she loved me and all this. So I come up the same night we have this threesome. And-

1:30:36 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You just happened to show up on threesome Wednesday?

1:30:40 Caller Well, you know, one thing led to another this night.

1:30:44 Christopher Titus What does that mean? What does that mean? Where were the kids?

1:30:47 Adam They were there. They sleep. They count each one as a quarter.

1:30:50 Christopher Titus Were you drinking?

1:30:52 Caller Yes, yes.

1:30:54 Adam Who'd you have the threesome with? Her, her husband, and you. What did you do? Yes, okay. And what did you do on the husband? Oral sex?

1:31:03 Caller Oh God, we did everything.

1:31:05 Adam And intercourse too?

1:31:06 Caller First threesome led to more and she was loving it. Uh-oh.

1:31:11 Drew But you were just kind of, it's confused like a dick in a ditch though, right?

1:31:14 Caller Well, excuse me?

1:31:17 Drew She always said she was loving it, but I mean, you kept going back.

1:31:21 Caller They all were. We, it took, we went as far as going to Tahoe and getting a hotel room together. And...

1:31:29 Adam That same night?

1:31:30 Caller Yes. Who was looking at them? Different night. We've had, oh God, I'd say over six of them. Together.

1:31:37 Adam Over six, but not...

1:31:38 Caller Six, and she was...

1:31:39 Adam But not eight.

1:31:40 Caller Say she loves me and she wants me to move in. And everything.

1:31:45 Adam She wants you to move in with her and her husband?

1:31:47 Caller Yes.

1:31:48 Adam And the two kids or one kid?

1:31:50 Christopher Titus Three kids.

1:31:51 Caller Yes, actually, and I have a daughter too, so it's four.

1:31:53 Christopher Titus Oh my God.

1:31:56 Adam Okay, Heather.

1:31:57 Christopher Titus Wow.

1:31:58 Adam Mother.

1:31:58 Caller So now I'm living here with her.

1:32:00 Christopher Titus Oh, you did move in.

1:32:03 Adam Mother Raffer, literally. Heather is...

1:32:06 Christopher Titus What's your question?

1:32:08 Adam How about just a mass Jonestown-type suicide? You whip up some high C, take everyone out, we take the gene pool down.

1:32:15 Christopher Titus What is your question?

1:32:16 Adam It would feel bad for the kids, but we quickly rebound as a society and move forward.

1:32:20 Christopher Titus Question?

1:32:24 Adam Okay, Heather, Heather. Okay, you made a statement. We have no time for your question. Here's what I want you to focus on. These are very chaotic people. You're very chaotic yourself. I'm sure you came from a lot of strife and a lot of chaos. You're recreating this for your young child. Do you want your child to be deprived of a childhood just like you were with all the boos and all the chaos and all the abuse or do you want to create something a little better for your child? You're an adult, you're an adult.

1:32:52 Christopher Titus Boundaries.

1:32:52 Caller He loves me and he wants to move out and create this better world.

1:32:56 Christopher Titus You and the husband?

1:32:58 Caller Yes.

1:32:59 Christopher Titus Oh my God.

1:32:59 Adam No, this man is not to be trusted.

1:33:02 Drew Yeah. You know, just stay it together. Like Adam suggested, form your own religion and build a compound and then the government will come in and take care of it.

1:33:10 Christopher Titus That threesome thing never works.

1:33:13 Adam Wow, this is close to Scotland.

1:33:14 Christopher Titus Three kids, three kids, life's destroyed.

1:33:16 Caller But how do you get to the bottom?

1:33:17 Adam All right, we gotta break. Christopher Titus here, we'll be back. I want to thank Christopher Titus, dear dear friend, for coming out here.

1:34:00 Christopher Titus And for bringing out your fans.

1:34:01 Drew Oh, thanks, guys. Yeah, Mike Mishkudo fans.

1:34:03 Adam We're going to go look at this Woody, and then we're going to go out in the parking lot and look at his car.

1:34:09 Caller You got to stop it, everybody.

1:34:11 Adam 7 o'clock in 930 UCLA. Big Showtime special this Saturday. Check that out. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:39 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, March 15, 2004