Episode 1000597942291

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline.

1:05 Voiceover Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. The Living End is here tonight. Chris Scott and Andy are all back in the studio. I was...

1:18 Drew Release Chris and Scott.

1:20 Adam Yeah, I was... What about Andy?

1:24 Drew He never been here before.

1:25 Adam Yeah, that's right. Oh, really?

1:26 Adam Yeah, I'm new.

1:27 The Living End He's a virgin.

1:28 Adam He's a virgin.

1:30 Adam He's always a curve, always a troublemaker. Well, we'll pop his cherry tonight, as we like to say here in the States.

1:36 The Living End Excellent.

1:36 Adam I saw I was looking at the USA Today newspaper today and in the calendar section or whatever, the arts section, whatever they got there, saw The Living End, saw a review for the record. I think got like four and a half stars or three, whatever. At a foe. Yeah, four and a half out of four, yeah. Yeah, they owe you a half a star. So, and you can apply that toward your next review. It's credit. Yeah, by the same token in the New York, what do I got minus, oh, in the Post. New York Post, I have two shows, one minus four stars, one minus three stars, so I'm down.

2:16 You're in debt.

2:16 Adam Seven stars.

2:17 They're holding you out there in Radio Land, you're holding five fingers when you said minus four.

2:22 Adam I know, there I added them. Now, I'm down seven. The point is, if I do a four star show, I'm still in the hole three.

2:29 I'm confused, I found in math.

2:31 Adam We have faith in you.

2:32 Drew Yeah, the whole star rating system has been bastardized. The reason you're confused is it should be zero to four.

2:38 Adam You can't go under, I argue that I can't get minus stars. That's unfair. It's unfair to the people that work very hard to get zero stars. I know, wait a minute, it is good for them. It's horrible for me. But here's the point.

2:52 Caller It's loose, loose for you.

2:54 Adam I think it got three and a half out of four stars. Correct. And then I looked at it and I thought, I should read this review because The Living End is coming on tonight. And then I saw something like shiny or something. I looked the other way and that was it. But I do remember, good review.

3:11 Caller Yeah, that's where the star system falls.

3:15 Drew Maybe it was the stars you saw.

3:17 The Living End The words are insignificant.

3:19 Adam Yeah, well, USA Today is really a newspaper for idiots. So they should know. I mean, it's just, people that read that paper have attention deficit disorder anyway.

3:29 Drew The gentlemen are taking the No, no, that's-

3:32 Adam No, not that, no.

3:33 Drew The reviews are good.

3:34 Adam Reviews are dead nuts on.

3:36 Drew It's the way they're presented.

3:37 Caller I thought you were gonna say how music appears to assholes, but it appears to idiots. We're actually quite complimented by that.

3:44 Adam And it shows the band is not sold out. They're still making music for idiots.

3:50 Caller Yeah, keeping it real, keeping it real.

3:53 Adam These guys are going out with Blink 182 this summer and No Doubt and also doing an Aussie Invasion tour with Jet, who were in here and drunk, maybe not drunk by Australian standards.

4:07 Drew But I think by any standards, yeah.

4:08 Adam Really? Yeah, yeah.

4:10 Drew There was a universal level of intoxication for those guys, yeah.

4:12 Adam All right, those guys were loaded. And the Vines, who I don't think have been in here, but if they're from Australia, they would have been drunk, right?

4:19 Drew Yeah, of course.

4:20 Adam A lot of boozing going on in Australia and proud of it. And they don't seem like here, we do a fair amount of drinking, but we apologize. Do you know, like here, when we smoke and we drink, we do it, but we're always quitting or we're doing it outside or we don't want to inconvenience anybody. It seems like in Australia, the people that smoke smoke, the people that drink drink and they don't make a big deal out of it. I like that. It's true, please, right in the middle.

4:46 Caller Where is he in Australia?

4:47 Adam Yeah, is there a...

4:49 The Living End We're pretty straight up, you know, if you're going to smoke, smoke, if you're going to drink, drink, you know.

4:53 Adam Yeah.

4:54 The Living End But I like, I don't smoke, you see, so I like the fact that I can go to a bar here and not walk out of there coughing my lungs up.

4:59 Caller Right.

5:00 Adam As an Australian man.

5:01 The Living End I just walk out and fall flat on my face.

5:03 Adam I imagine they smoke about everywhere in Australia as well, right?

5:08 The Living End Yeah, not as much as Japan. Oh yeah. But, you know, we're a smoking nation.

5:14 Adam All right. In a boozing nation, but, and maybe this is just, I'm looking at Australia through my rose colored, wait, rose lens spectacles.

5:27 The Living End Tinted, tinted.

5:28 Drew Tinted? Yeah.

5:28 Adam I don't know if the word tinted is in there, isn't it? Okay, here's the point. Here's the point.

5:34 Drew What do you mean?

5:34 Adam It seems like they do a lot of boozin over there, but they get away with it. Like they don't have a, they don't, you know what I mean?

5:40 Drew There's a lot of things about Australia that is hidden from view.

5:42 Adam Oh really?

5:43 Drew Yeah, I think, but I mean not in a sinister way, but did you know that for many periods of history, Australia has the highest per capita standard of living of any country in the world.

5:51 Adam Really? Really?

5:54 Caller Yeah.

5:55 Drew Wow. We did pretty bloody well. I mean you think about, you don't think about it since Australia being that way.

5:59 Caller But the thing about Australia is there's not as much of anything in Australia. There's not as much, there's not as much poverty, yeah. But there's not as much.

6:08 Drew You've got as much land.

6:09 Caller Everything else. Desert. Well, we've got a lot of desert, yes. We rival Africa in those stakes.

6:15 Adam Yeah, I'm just saying over here people get drunk and they start shooting each other.

6:18 Drew Yeah.

6:19 Adam Over there, I think they just.

6:20 Drew They just put, they enjoy.

6:22 The Living End Yeah, we get drunk and just.

6:24 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's all right.

6:26 The Living End Yeah, we got more alcohol and ambiance. Not surgically.

6:29 Adam Australia.

6:30 The Living End Depends how drunk you are.

6:31 Adam Everyone says you gotta go.

6:34 The Living End We're signing, you gotta go.

6:35 Adam When you gotta go, you gotta go.

6:37 Adam We're gonna hear something off of modern. Modern Artillery. Yeah. Yeah, in just a couple of few and then we'll hear something else off it in the 11 o'clock hour. But first we'll go to the phones and speak to Megan who's. Hi Megan. 13 and seven months pregnant. Hello.

6:56 Caller What is up with that?

6:58 I don't know.

7:00 Adam All right, who got you pregnant? Oh yeah. Oh you know him. Big B. Yeah. Yeah. He's a horny eighth grader in the land at Brandon. Way to go B.

7:14 Drew How old is he?

7:16 He was good.

7:17 Drew No, how old is he?

7:18 Oh, how old is he?

7:19 Adam He was 11. 17. What a delight. And what's the deal? Is he in trouble?

7:27 Oh, no, not yet. He'll be 18 in about three months.

7:31 Drew Yeah.

7:32 And I guess my question was, would he get in trouble?

7:38 Drew Why isn't he already in trouble? Who do people think fathered this child?

7:43 Adam Well, hold on a second. If you got two minors, if they're both minors.

7:49 Drew You can still get trouble.

7:49 Adam You still can?

7:50 Drew The guy can.

7:51 Adam I mean, if a guy's 17, a girl's nine.

7:53 Drew Well, if the guy's more than three years older, it tends to be trouble.

7:56 Adam More than three years. All right, unless he's a producer.

7:59 Drew Then it's, all bets are on.

8:00 Adam All right.

8:01 Drew But, Megan, hasn't anyone questioned who the father of the child is?

8:08 Caller Well, my mom knows who he is. You know, she doesn't like him because of his age, but you know, she respects the fact that he is my baby's father.

8:16 Drew Sure.

8:17 Adam You gotta respect that. Sure. Especially, you know, with her, well, her bar mitzvah's coming up. She's 13.

8:25 Drew Bar mitzvah. Be serious here.

8:27 Adam That's right. That's where young, that's a ritual where the young Jewish girl becomes a man. Uh, are you Jewish, Megan? No.

8:37 Drew Oh, come on.

8:38 Adam I can't believe, you guys know what we're talking about. This is not Jewish behavior, by the way. You don't have Jews in Australia. Well, you don't have the Wiley North American show. Oh, we've heard of him, though. Yeah. Oh, you should come, you should go by the, we got a Jew Zoo. You put change in your pockets. They come running at you. You give them a pat on the head, swing them by. You guys, I see some Jews. They're great.

9:00 Caller We read about them in books. We read about them in books.

9:02 Adam Yeah, but until you see them in real life, until you see them in real life, that just the pictures don't do them justice.

9:08 Caller Can they drive?

9:10 Adam Yes, some of the taller ones can.

9:13 The Living End Megan, what are we going to do about Megan?

9:15 Adam Oh yeah. We got to do something with you. Are you going to have this child?

9:19 Drew She has to now. She's too late.

9:20 Adam How far is she? Oh, seven months? Oh.

9:23 Drew Yeah. Bad times. Will you, will you please give this child up for adoption? Please, Megan. Oh my God. Give this child a fighting chance.

9:30 Adam Wait a minute. Here's where, here's where the show gets entertaining because I bet Megan doesn't believe in that.

9:36 Drew Yeah.

9:37 Adam Megan?

9:38 Caller Yeah.

9:38 Adam Are you going to give the kid up for adoption?

9:40 Caller No.

9:41 Adam Why not?

9:43 Caller Well, I don't know.

9:44 Caller I guess because I love it.

9:46 Adam All right.

9:47 Adam Well, you know, if you, if you fail just a couple of grades, you'll join the child. Like you both will hit the ninth grade about the same time. If you just get held back like two or three years, it'd be cool having your kid in the ninth grade with you. Cause like when you're picking up for a, you know, dodge ball, you can actually pick. It's like, I'm going to take my son. Would that be cool? No.

10:10 Drew Cool. Megan, please.

10:12 Adam Hold on. Isn't there some sort of, how come there's no law that says you can't, you have to give the kid up for adoption or something. And what's your mom going to do? And what the hell are you supposed to do at school? I mean, you're showing, right?

10:23 Caller Yeah.

10:24 Drew Where's your dad?

10:25 Caller My dad is in prison.

10:27 Drew Of course.

10:27 Adam All right. Of course. That kid's going to be the next president.

10:30 Drew Did he abuse you or your dad? Did he abuse you sexually?

10:33 Yeah, he did.

10:35 Drew Is that why he's in prison? Oh, well, yeah, yeah.

10:39 Adam Well, there's some other stuff too though, right?

10:42 There was drug possession.

10:44 Drew And sexual abuse of the daughter.

10:46 Caller Yeah.

10:46 Drew Oh, that's a good time. That's a good man.

10:49 Adam Well, when's he out?

10:51 Caller I don't... I actually don't know. I think he's gonna be in there for a long time.

10:56 Drew I actually like the fact that Megan doesn't know.

10:59 Adam All right, so Megan, are you gonna... Who's gonna raise a kid? Your screwing mom?

11:04 Caller Well, she's gonna help, I guess.

11:07 I wonder if Nature's plan was...

11:10 Drew Nature's plan went... Whoops, this one failed, bad. We gotta get a quick replacement.

11:15 Adam What do you mean?

11:16 Drew Why would Nature do this? Why would Nature want somebody who is an abuse survivor, sexually abused, abandoning father? Why would they want that person, Nature, to have a child immediately?

11:28 Adam Well, it's not Nature, it's God.

11:29 Drew Well, whatever you wanna call it. Whatever you wanna call it.

11:32 Adam Yeah, God does it.

11:33 Drew The only thing I can figure is that it's like, oh, this one's broken, let's replace it. Yeah. That's it, except unfortunately you're gonna replace it with another broken one.

11:40 Adam Hey, Megan? Mm-hmm. So, no answer to your very complicated dilemma.

11:46 Drew He's not gonna get trouble if he marries you, I suppose. If you become an emancipated minor. Yeah, well.

11:53 Caller Well, I thought you couldn't get married until you were at least 16 and that's a secret.

11:57 Drew I believe, right, I believe you can become an emancipated minor. I don't know what the legalities would be, but that's how you'd have to do it.

12:03 Adam Does this guy wanna get married?

12:05 Caller Well, I mean, we love each other, yeah, but I don't know what...

12:08 Drew They might as well. And the usual situation for somebody like your boyfriend, the father of your child, there should be another term for that. The boyfriend that is the father. The bother.

12:22 Adam Yeah, I don't know. Deadbeat dad is the only one that seems to come to mind.

12:26 Drew Well, that's what he will become, but currently he's the boyfriend father.

12:29 Adam I am lucky.

12:31 Drew But the thing is, though, yeah, let me, I lost my train of thought.

12:37 Adam Good, fine, best train you ever lost.

12:39 Drew Let me just finish. The thing is that most of these situations, he's trying to jumpstart himself.

12:45 Caller The thing is...

12:47 Drew In most of these situations, if the older male is gonna get in trouble, it's because the parents raise hell. That's when the trouble starts. And if your mom's all okay with this, now that might turn out to be...

12:57 Adam What if dad wages a campaign from the joint, trying to get him in the joint with him?

13:02 Drew He has rights.

13:02 Adam It's bad times. You actually go to the same place the dad is.

13:06 Drew Well, the child will be in the same school with mom and dad will be with his granddad. It'll be perfect.

13:12 Adam That's it, I'm moving on.

13:13 Drew Guys, that's America.

13:14 The Living End I'm going back to Australia with the penjel. We don't even know what to say. It's cool. Good luck. Good luck.

13:20 Drew Cheers, mates.

13:22 Adam Yeah, good times.

13:23 The Living End Totally.

13:23 Adam Nicole?

13:24 The Living End She seems switched on.

13:26 Adam You're 21? Yes. What's up?

13:34 Drew Aggravation?

13:35 Adam Is that masturbation or aggravation?

13:37 The Living End It cut out right at that point.

13:38 Adam It did.

13:39 Adam It did.

13:40 Drew You had questions about what?

13:41 Adam It says egg donation.

13:47 Adam I thought this was a much better topic.

13:49 Caller Well, it's an aggravation thing, really, but yeah.

13:52 Adam You're gonna donate an egg. An egg is the only thing you donate for five grand. They just used the word donate because it makes the people feel better about themselves. But you're not donating an egg. You're selling an egg for five grand. You're harvesting an egg, yeah.

14:08 Adam Back in Australia, we have a thing called the baker's dozen. When you go and buy some eggs, that's a 13.

14:14 Adam You get a 13th egg?

14:15 Adam Yeah. So they're really donating an egg to your dozen.

14:18 Drew Oh, so that one egg, yeah. So Nicole, here's a point. Yeah. If the girl gives 13, is that what we're talking about?

14:25 Adam No. No. And he's drunk. He's drunk, Nicole?

14:29 Caller Yes.

14:30 Adam All right, so you're gonna donate an egg for how much?

14:32 Caller So I'm thinking about it.

14:33 Adam How much?

14:35 Caller Oh, I actually haven't looked into the price of fun and the paper and I called them and asked them what like the procedure was, but I kind of just found out about the money compensation. I've heard that it like ranges from like $2,500 to like hundreds of thousands if they're looking for a certain type of person.

14:54 Adam Yeah, to me, you gotta have a celebrity egg for that much. A cloddy Schiffer egg or something like that.

15:01 Drew What was I thinking of? Who? That was the celebrity I was thinking of.

15:04 Adam Cloddy Schiffer? Well, that's a good egg.

15:06 Drew I guess so. That's where that term came from.

15:09 Caller That's a vintage egg.

15:10 Adam Yeah. That's a prime egg.

15:13 The Living End Skinny egg at the moment though.

15:15 Adam Nicole?

15:17 Caller Yes.

15:18 Adam So by the way, you can be insulted or flattered by how much to tell you your egg is worth because they size you up, they see a hook nose and a fat ass and a high school equivalency test and it's like, I'll give you whatever's in my pocket, $26.52, there you go.

15:34 Drew How are they going to harvest them? Are you having a laparoscope?

15:37 Caller They said that what they do is, well, they first do like a big screen process and then once the couple picks you for, you know, your little...

15:44 Drew Nicole, Nicole, the procedure for the harvesting, is it include a laparoscopy or is it transvaginal?

15:50 Adam You could just put, you just took a thousand bucks off the egg price for her not understanding your question. Yeah, so he makes her dumb.

15:57 Caller They put me under anesthetic and I'm in the day hospital and then I go home. They didn't tell me what the name of the procedure was.

16:04 Adam Another 500, another 500 for not asking. Yeah, we got a thousand, we're down 1500 now. We're down 3500, Nicole.

16:11 Caller I hope not.

16:12 Adam And Nicole, let's see if we can figure out what your egg would be worth. How tall are you? How tall are you?

16:19 Caller I'm about 5'4.

16:21 Adam 5'4, that's a little short. How much do you weigh?

16:23 Caller A little short, 140.

16:26 Adam 140, that's all right. Oh, hold on, let me do some quick radio math. 5'4, 140, put it on the phone. I got 5'3, and 3'16, 151. So it's a little bit stocky. Let's see, who were the allied powers in World War II? The good guys, yeah.

16:51 Drew Yeah, the good guys.

16:52 Caller The good guys?

16:53 Drew Yeah, in World War II.

16:56 Caller All right, are we good on that?

16:58 Caller And Great Britain.

16:59 Caller I just saw the US.

17:00 Drew Great Britain, yeah. Was Australia part of the Axis?

17:03 Caller Not that I believe.

17:04 Drew The Allies?

17:06 Adam No, all right.

17:07 Caller I don't think they were involved.

17:08 Drew What about Canada, was Canada involved?

17:09 Caller I'll go Australia, Iraq, by the way.

17:11 Adam All right.

17:15 The Living End She's one of the hell of a lot more now.

17:17 Adam 250, you just got tacked on for kissing some band ass. All right, all right. How much does a gallon of water weigh?

17:28 Caller Eight pounds.

17:29 Adam That's not bad. I think six and change, but good enough. And a one knot?

17:36 Caller Oh, sorry, I don't know about the knot.

17:39 Caller I've got two very important questions that will deliver this person's IQ. Excuse me. Nicole, what color is your refrigerator?

17:50 Caller Cream.

17:51 Caller What do cows drink?

17:53 Caller Gasoline.

17:54 Adam She's good, she's good. That's a good egg.

17:59 Adam She burnt you. All right, it's now back up to five grand, Nicole. All right, so you gotta lose 10 pounds and don't talk when you go in for the interview.

18:10 Well, I've got big boobs if that helps.

18:13 Adam Yeah, five and a half, Jay.

18:15 Adam I'm just, yeah, I'm putting 500 into my own money now.

18:19 Drew Bouncy, bouncy. It's a procedure, the surgery like any other, and it can have risks. People can die from anesthesia, infections, bleeding. They hyper stimulate your ovaries in order to get it to produce the follicles from which they harvest the eggs. They can stimulate to the point they actually outstrip their own blood supply and can die. There's concerns, vague concerns, that it may increase risk of ovarian cancer. So it's not without its risk. You are a biological entity, not a mechanical entity. Now if it's important to you to survive and to get the money for the eggs, people do this.

18:53 Adam It's kind of weird. I mean, if you're doing it, it's kind of weird because if you're doing it so a couple can have a child, then it's really philanthropic and if you're doing it to make a few bucks then it's sort of...

19:06 Drew No one's doing it just because. No one's just filling the world with their eggs.

19:11 Adam Well, but what if someone says, look, I can bring happiness to a new couple that otherwise couldn't have a child and I got money for tuition?

19:23 Drew We never talked to that person though.

19:24 Adam Okay, I'm talking about myself.

19:26 Drew Oh, for you you're gonna harvest your eggs?

19:28 Adam I'm thinking about it.

19:31 Adam That's nice.

19:31 Adam Yeah.

19:32 Adam Let's hear a song.

19:33 Drew Yeah.

19:34 Adam Mm-hmm. All right. This is from The Living End. You queued up there, Chris? This one's called, Who's Gonna Save Us? Modern Artillery.

23:03 The Living End That's a good chain, that one.

23:04 Adam Name of the, that is excellent. The, oh, it is. Today is when that CD is out, so go get it. We're going to, I guess we gotta take a quick break. Oh, but man, we gotta feel, we got the feel-good story of the night. We're gonna come back. Girlfriend died a year ago, hasn't been able to have a new girlfriend since. All right, Drew, can we do better than that? How about the reform? Four, Lesbo. Hold on a second. Rain? You're 14? You're lesbian? All right, hang on. And it's gonna get depressing, Drew.

23:43 Drew Another depressing one.

23:44 Adam You're gonna find out there's sexual abuse, and they're trying to pay back her dad. Jordan?

23:51 Yeah, hello?

23:52 Drew Ooh, 20.

23:53 Adam Jordan, you're 20?

23:55 Caller Yeah.

23:55 Caller It's a damn lie, and you know it!

23:57 Adam Yeah, we don't believe you.

24:00 Caller That's cool.

24:01 Adam What year were you born?

24:02 Caller 1984.

24:03 Adam All right, but that's easy math. Even a little pain in the ass like you could do that, man.

24:09 Caller Yeah, I'm gonna be 20 in April, so technically I'm 20.

24:14 Adam What's up, your girlfriend died?

24:16 Caller Yeah, she passed away about a year ago.

24:20 Adam What happened?

24:22 Caller She had a heart condition due to like, she's taking like medication when she was younger. I don't exactly know what kind. And I guess like they upped the dosage as she was getting older and it gave her a heart condition. And-

24:35 Drew What was she taking the medicines for?

24:39 Caller Something like attention deficit or something like that. It was some stupid Prozac thing. I don't know the details.

24:47 Drew This doesn't make sense.

24:48 Adam All right, but listen, if he was going to lie, he'd say she stepped on a landmine. He wouldn't give it some sketchy, like who the hell knows.

24:56 Drew But we believe you, Jordan. Was it Fen-Fen and she got a valve problem?

25:01 Caller Her parents were like really like closed off as far as like spilling the beans on as far as all that stuff goes. So I didn't even know.

25:10 Drew And she didn't know?

25:12 Caller She thought she knew what was wrong with her. Like they said that it was like attention deficit, but they were just pumping like random medications in it to see if it was making it better. And I guess it didn't.

25:21 Adam This is like talking to my wife about what the mechanic said was wrong with the car.

25:25 Drew Yeah.

25:25 Caller Yeah. I have no idea.

25:26 Adam It's a disaster.

25:27 Drew That's true. Thank you. That was clear.

25:29 Adam All right. So Jordan, she was your girlfriend. You were having sex with her and everything?

25:33 Caller Yeah. We had like a relationship relationship.

25:37 Drew And she died. Did it surprise you that you might have trouble forming a new relationship?

25:41 Caller Well, I haven't been able to have a bond with someone like, I don't know, like physical arousal is an obvious thing.

25:52 Adam We're going to help him. We got to take a break. Living End is here. Very sad. We'll get a kid back up on his feet. Maybe we'll send over a hooker or something. See if we can snap him out of his funk. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

26:09 Caller Every hour.

26:28 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew, The Living End, here tonight. Chris.

26:34 Caller Greetings from Australia.

26:37 Adam The band got a little CD out called Modern Artillery, and we'll hear something else off of that in the 11 o'clock hour. Now, let me just say something before we get back into the show. I got this ridiculous truck they gave me for a week to drive around.

26:54 Drew Oh, you drive it tonight?

26:56 Adam I drove it tonight.

26:57 Drew Oh, man.

26:57 Adam It's got the Viper V10 engine in it. It's the most obnoxious vehicle ever built. Well, as opposed to a V8.

27:06 Caller Yeah. And the V12, which is in the Jaguar.

27:10 Adam And Aston Martin. And a lot of people have made a V12 over the years, Mercedes. Everyone's got one. But not too many V10s out there. Right. Anyway, the thing about Ferrari, they would make a V12 that was like under a four liter. And this thing's a V10 and it's like eight and a half liters. The thing gets like four miles to gallons. Most obnoxious vehicle ever built. It's got the Viper engine in it. Anyway, here's all I'm saying. Do we need as many? I'm trying, you know, when you hop in a new car, you got to get the presets on the radio going. Can't we just agree on one style of preset so we can all, you know, like here's what I'm saying. You get to the station you want, you hold the button down for a three count, pow, it's preset. Now that's number one. You go kick, isn't that one all right?

28:02 Drew That's the one I like.

28:02 Adam Can we go with that one?

28:03 Drew I'll vote for that.

28:04 Adam Do I got to find that goddamn button that says preset set and then hit that and then, there's certain things we could just kind of agree on.

28:12 Drew By the way, the one that you need two hands for is not a good idea for the automobile. Just general principle.

28:17 Adam This is three hands and a hip.

28:19 Drew Yeah.

28:19 Adam Here's all I'm saying. I just want to standardize certain things. I want us to decide what's the best way to do it is and then that's it. Every car's preset, exactly the same.

28:29 Caller You're a simple guy.

28:31 Adam I'm simpler than a simple man.

28:33 Caller Yes.

28:36 Adam Yes, but I'm diabolical in my simplicity.

28:39 Drew You know what? My daughter tonight invented a new, she said she wanted to invent a new TV show called Genius or Retard.

28:47 Adam Wow.

28:47 Drew And basically like, who invented One Plus One is Two? Genius or Retard? And she had all, and she goes, who invented Ooh-ee-ooh-ah-ah? Genius or Retard? Wow, this is genius.

29:01 Caller They call it a knowledge is hard.

29:02 Drew Yeah, or retard.

29:03 Caller Or retard.

29:04 Drew Isn't that funny?

29:05 Adam 11 years old? Genius.

29:07 Drew Genius.

29:08 Adam Possibly retard.

29:09 Drew Possibly retarded.

29:10 Adam We don't know.

29:11 Drew But we'll find out on the show that we're going to create.

29:13 Adam We're going to find out this fall.

29:15 Caller They bought beer to Australia.

29:17 Drew Genius. Or retard.

29:19 Caller Bloody good blood. That's obvious.

29:21 Adam The other thing I discovered in the cars, I think GM is still about the only company where they decide there's that button you got to push in to get the keys out of the ignition. So of course you're fighting with them. What the hell? And then it's like, oh yeah. How's every other car company get along without pushing a button? If your keys fall out when you're driving.

29:39 Drew Oh, constantly. Every time I turn. The keys go flying across.

29:42 Adam Then you're crawling around the back seat while you're going 80.

29:44 Caller Of course.

29:45 Adam On the freeway. I push a button in to get the keys.

29:49 Caller Just makes you want to catch a bus.

29:51 Adam It really does. Or at least a buzz. Jordan, that's American for getting high.

29:58 Caller For booze, mate.

29:59 Adam Yeah, I have booze. Jordan. Jordan.

30:02 Caller Mm-hmm.

30:03 Adam All right, so your girlfriend died of a mysterious disease.

30:06 Caller Mm-hmm.

30:09 Adam Okay, and you seem pretty broken up about it.

30:13 Caller It kind of sucked.

30:16 Adam And it's been a year.

30:18 Drew Are you surprised that you'd be having trouble having another attachment?

30:22 Caller I honestly, it didn't really faze me. I didn't catch it, if you know what I mean. I dated girls and I thought that it was something wrong with myself. I thought that they weren't the right person. They were doing something I wasn't enjoying, blah, blah, blah. And then as the dates kept going, I started realizing that it was more of like, they're not who I was expecting them to be. Like the relationship that I wanted, that I had, I wasn't getting.

30:49 Adam Were you in love with your girlfriend when she died?

30:52 Caller To be honest, the weekend that she passed on the day before Friday, we got into like a huge argument and I told her that I didn't want to be around her, that she was a bad influence on me, blah, blah, blah. She said that she still wanted to be in a relationship, but she wanted to make sure that I wanted to be in a relationship and I stopped talking to her. And that weekend was the weekend that she died. And so like that weekend I felt all bad that I was being the person that I was. And I actually wrote an apology letter and bought flowers and did the whole like, I'm a stupid boyfriend makeup thing. And when I went looking for the college, like no one knew where she was. And then someone handed me a flyer with her picture and like the date on it. And like what time we could see her body at the funeral home.

31:41 Adam Well, that's nice.

31:43 Caller Yeah. Great kickoff to the week.

31:46 Adam Yeah. Well, that's why Drew and I, after each show, tell each other we love each other. Because you don't know. You don't know.

31:53 Drew Especially driving that Viper. Boy, that is hard to track, isn't it?

31:58 The Living End That is a bad way to find out.

32:00 Adam Yeah, I mean, I believe Jordan.

32:03 Drew It's like talking to an 11-year-old.

32:05 Adam But he doesn't seem, yeah, Jordan seems like he, and it's been a year. It doesn't seem like he's in denial. It just seems like emotionally, he's like 11 or 12 years old. It's like talking to your kid, right?

32:16 Drew Absolutely.

32:17 Adam Right.

32:20 Drew And those both of us keep thinking to ourselves, we're expecting a bogus in a second, like some sort of punch line.

32:25 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jordan?

32:27 Caller Yes.

32:28 Adam What do you do, junior college?

32:31 Caller I'm out of school right now. I tried a few classes and-

32:34 Adam At junior college?

32:36 Caller So yeah, I'm out of college.

32:37 Adam Okay, what are you doing? Junior college you're out of?

32:42 Caller Yeah.

32:43 Drew Do you have some kind of asthma or something? Or is that your phone?

32:46 Caller That's my phone. I'm outside my house on my porch.

32:49 Drew You don't have a lung condition?

32:51 Adam No, he's just blowing a butt. Hey Jordan, are you working now?

32:56 Caller Yeah, I have a...

32:57 Adam Or blowing a fag as you guys would say. What's that?

33:01 Caller I have a great...

33:01 Adam That's what they say. They say you gotta go blow a couple fags.

33:04 Caller Couple is different.

33:06 Caller It's a big blow.

33:06 Adam Blow a whole lot of fags. I mean, if you're out clubbing...

33:10 Caller If there's a few of you.

33:11 Adam I would go out clubbing, I would blow 20 or 30 fags.

33:14 Caller If you were with your mates, yeah.

33:15 Adam Oh, my mates? Yeah, they'd blow fags too.

33:18 Caller If you went out with your mates, mate.

33:19 Adam Yeah, once in a while I'd blow one, I'd bum and blow a fag, a fag, that's right.

33:24 Caller A bunch of fags as you say here.

33:26 Adam Right, right. All right, sorry. Okay, I'm not trying, Jordan's not tracking, I'm not sure what his deal is.

33:31 Drew One of the questions I had for him was, what was the girlfriend's perception of their relationship?

33:37 Adam I'm done, I'm done. Just look.

33:38 Drew I have a million questions though.

33:40 Adam I gotta blow a fag.

33:41 Drew Okay, but listen, what was really the relationship, the nature of the relationship? Why didn't he know that she had a terminal illness? Life was in danger. When she died, why let somebody call him and tell him?

33:50 Adam All very valid questions that we'll never ever have an answer to, Drew.

33:54 Drew Anyway, here's the deal. He's having a delayed grief reaction. That sounds pathological, sort of.

34:00 Adam Not really. It just sounds like he's dating some chicks he's not doing to. And by the way, my girlfriend died is a smooth opening line. I mean, it's going to get you, it might.

34:11 Drew Not really, because it may be, as long as he isn't seeing it.

34:14 Adam It's just a little pity hand.

34:15 Drew Unless, provided he doesn't seem injured by it. If he seems disturbed, then it's out of fact.

34:21 Adam It's important to blame yourself for a little bit. But, and here's the mistake I made. Girlfriend died, it's good to say that. I blame myself. That's another good thing to say. But then don't keep going, say I ran her over.

34:34 Drew Yeah, no, it's not good.

34:35 Adam You gotta say blame yourself and then she died of a disease. If you then go, I blame myself because I backed over, they will get upset. Yeah, they'll think that might happen to them. All right.

34:46 Drew Ashley, 16.

34:47 Adam Ashley.

34:47 Caller Yeah.

34:49 Adam Hi. What's happening?

34:52 Caller My boyfriend don't have sex with me.

34:55 Adam He doesn't wanna have sex with you?

35:00 Drew He's a virgin and you've talked about this with him?

35:03 Caller A little bit, yeah.

35:04 Drew How old is he?

35:05 Caller 17.

35:07 Drew Are you sure, this is the same question I had for Jordan, are you sure that if we talked to him, he would say that you are his girlfriend?

35:14 Caller Alright, hold on.

35:18 Adam I'm done.

35:18 The Living End How old does this go? How old does this go?

35:21 Drew 16.

35:22 The Living End 16.

35:23 Drew 17, you're my boyfriend.

35:24 Adam Alright, I'm putting her on hold.

35:26 Drew You know what? I was reading, again, I read this book called Cracked about sort of a memoir of my experience taking care of patients and something I've put a lot into. And I make myself nuts by reading the reviews on amazon.com. Hang on a second, hang on a second. And some of the reviews, I want to reach through the computer screen and throttle the people that are, because it's such just aggressive nonsense. I would welcome good criticism.

35:50 Adam Drew, what's this have to do with Ashley?

35:51 Drew The point is, when I complain about this, our good listeners come to my rescue and write these wonderful, wonderful notes. They really do. I felt you-

36:00 Adam First off, it's more whining than it is complaining.

36:02 Drew I felt you about to take off after our listeners. So I just wanted to say thank you for all your kindness. I really do appreciate it. So go ahead, on leash.

36:10 Adam I'm done with all of you tonight. I'm going to talk about this car for the next hour and 40 minutes. And we're going to have a Living Dead music marathon. That's really where this night's going. Cause I've been asked for everybody. I'm going to, we're going to go outside. We're going to blow some fags.

36:26 Drew You were in a bed when you got here. What's the problem?

36:28 Adam I don't know what it is, but I-

36:29 Drew You know you were in a bed when you got here.

36:30 Adam I'm talking to everybody tonight. It's like playing a handball against the drapes. I can't get anything going. People aren't talking. They don't, uh-huh, uh-huh. They act like you called them and bothered them. Here's what it is. It's as if they're watching their favorite show and we called them, uh-huh, and they don't have TiVo.

36:47 Drew The crank anchors is on, is it?

36:49 Adam Oh my God, crank anchors is on tonight.

36:52 Drew That's what's happening.

36:53 Adam 10.30 Comedy Central. You're right, they're watching my show.

36:56 Drew You all right now?

36:57 Adam All right, at least I have an answer. And I'm putting Ashley on hold. Who are we talking to?

37:02 Drew Just think about her attitude for a second.

37:04 Adam Yeah.

37:04 Drew Line four.

37:05 Adam Yeah, hold on, I'm gonna talk to her.

37:06 Caller Ashley.

37:08 Adam I want you to think about your attitude. And I want you to think about why all car radio preset buttons aren't the same. Why there's gotta be different menu for every car. Okay?

37:22 Caller That'll solve it.

37:23 Adam But mainly focus on your attitude.

37:33 Drew Oh, that's interesting.

37:34 Caller Yeah, and then I saw you, Adam, on The Man Show, and you look just like how I pictured you too.

37:40 Adam All right, thank you.

37:42 Drew Both major disappointments, by the way.

37:47 Caller The reason you're not having sex with your boyfriend is because you're picturing Adam and Drew.

37:50 Adam Yeah, that's right. Because I'm what? And you're not focusing on your attitude.

37:56 Caller All right.

37:57 Drew It's all good, Ashley, it's all good.

37:59 Adam That's it, that's enough of this show.

38:00 Drew I feel very paternalistic to our listeners tonight. I feel very paternalistic to our listeners tonight.

38:04 Adam Yeah, yeah.

38:05 Drew No, because you're going to go on the attack. I can feel it. It's all right, it's all right.

38:09 Adam I just want them to all think about their attitude.

38:11 The Living End I think just forget your boyfriend and go find someone else.

38:15 Drew Yes.

38:16 The Living End How's that? That's probably not the correct answer, is it? But that's what we do in Australia. Yeah. No good? Move on.

38:22 Drew I think good times needs to go to Australia. Because it really applies.

38:26 Adam The term good times? I think they got enough of those.

38:29 Drew It really applies. Move on, Ashley.

38:31 Adam All right. You need to start thinking about your attitude, too.

38:38 Drew Should I practice shutting up again?

38:40 Adam I want you, all right, let's work on that. We were working last night, I was working with Drew, where he was practicing shutting up on the air. And- He was, he got pretty good at it.

38:50 The Living End Well, he's getting piped for it, isn't he?

38:52 Adam Yeah, same as me, by the way. All right, let's try it. You ready? All right, now hold on, don't distract him, boys. You ready?

38:59 Drew You ready?

39:00 Adam And go.

39:03 Drew I'm gay.

39:04 Adam Drew, shh, totally be quiet. We can hear what you're thinking. And Drew, don't shut your eyes. It's like you're falling asleep.

39:11 Drew You're right, you're right.

39:13 Adam Yeah, I know, but I need you to be lucid but quiet. All right. Because what I'm gonna, no, I'm gonna be talking. I'm gonna need you paying attention to me. Not sleeping. All right, now let's practice some head nodding. Silent head nodding.

39:28 Drew I'm good at that. Yeah, you know that.

39:29 Adam Shh, shh, just nod. Okay, and now do a thing where like you raise one eyebrow, like, hey, what? And then, oh, I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And don't breathe through your nose. It makes too much nostril sound. All right, and now, now a silent laugh. Yeah, I still, I heard some nostril sound, but it's like, yeah, but don't stop on the floor. I don't wanna know your hair, but I don't wanna be able to see that you're enjoying what I'm saying. All right, eyes open again. I don't, I don't want you to think you're sleeping. All right, that's good. That's pretty good, Drew. Let's work on that for the next, next break. It's just all the way through. Boy, boy.

40:06 Caller A few people at home, can we explain what that looked like from in here?

40:09 Adam It looked, looked, looked like a pro. Like this man's been doing radio for 20 years, right?

40:13 The Living End It looked like a puppet show.

40:14 Caller That's what it looks like.

40:16 Adam The Living End is here tonight. We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back after this.

40:22 Okay, okay, wait, wait, my hair, my hair.

40:25 Adam We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, The Living End, in here tonight. Chris Scott and Annie.

40:46 The Living End Good day, how are you?

40:47 Adam All here. And we're gonna hear something else off the...

40:52 The Living End That was my nostrils, sorry about that.

40:54 Adam We're gonna hear something else off the Modern Artillery CD in the 11 o'clock hour. We're going to... If John from System of a Down, by the way, is listening, I'm gonna call him during the next break. He's got an emergency.

41:08 The Living End They're a great band.

41:09 Adam Great band. They're dear, dear friends of Loveline. And it's probably got something to do with porn.

41:16 Drew Do you want me to call him?

41:17 Adam No, it's got something to do with porn.

41:19 Drew It's not a real emergency.

41:20 Caller Andy can help with that.

41:21 Adam If he calls, if he's calling for you...

41:23 Drew It's an emergency emergency.

41:24 Adam Yeah, if he's calling for me, it's got something to do with Taboo 2.

41:27 Drew Or 3 or 4.

41:28 Caller Or 3 or 4.

41:29 Adam All right, I'm gonna give him a buzz. During the next break, Melissa?

41:35 Hi.

41:36 Adam You're 22? All right, so the, just reading your question. What is your question?

41:44 Caller Okay, well, I was with this guy and it was kind of like a one night stand and he had really long balls. And I just wanted to know if it's something that you're born with, because I've seen a lot of balls.

42:03 Adam Where do you see all your balls?

42:05 Adam Was it warm at the time?

42:07 Adam Yeah, heat'll do it.

42:09 Adam Heat'll do it.

42:10 Adam Yeah, balls become, it's like a sap dripping down a tree.

42:15 Drew What did you call them?

42:17 Adam Long balls.

42:18 Drew Long. What does that mean?

42:20 Adam It sounds like a sport.

42:21 Adam Long balls. Long balls.

42:24 Drew Kind of like what?

42:25 Adam Like mid-bigh.

42:27 The Living End Oh, mid-bigh.

42:28 Adam Whoa, whoa, whoa.

42:29 The Living End Wasn't an elephant, was it?

42:30 Adam That's a heavy sack. That's not a long ball. That's a heavy sack.

42:33 The Living End I think it was Santa Claus.

42:34 Caller How many legs did he have?

42:36 Drew Well, Adam couldn't measure up to something like that.

42:39 Adam Not, not, not mid-thigh.

42:41 Caller I wanted to know, like, if there was some type of surgery, because he had a really big penis, and I wanted to know if there was some type of surgery that would, like, cut something that would make your penis bigger and your balls longer or something.

42:52 Caller Oh, man, if there was.

42:53 The Living End Yeah, if there was.

42:55 Adam Oh, yes. Oh, you figured.

42:56 Drew Yeah.

42:57 The Living End You figured, yeah, yeah, you know, sorry, fill me in.

43:00 Adam You figured, you figured he must have had this surgery.

43:05 Drew Everything.

43:05 Caller Oh, I was wondering, or is it from, like, not wearing underwear? Is it really from, I mean, can it really be caused from heat?

43:12 Drew No, it's, you know, it's like a blowtorch to your sack.

43:15 Adam It'll hang down eventually.

43:16 Drew This is his genetic makeup. Everything, he has obviously a large.

43:21 Adam Well, his mother. Oh, no, it's on the dad sign. That's right.

43:24 Drew Well, not necessarily. Not necessarily. All right.

43:26 Adam All right, Melissa, what are you, you pre-med? What are you doing right now? In college?

43:31 Caller I'm just curious about balls, that's all.

43:33 Adam You're not going to, because I'm smelling some junior college here right now.

43:38 Caller Oh no, I go to art school.

43:41 Adam Ah, it's really junior college for drug addicts.

43:44 Caller No, I don't do drugs.

43:45 Caller I never went to junior college, sorry.

43:47 Adam All right, but let me tell you something about that art school. I don't know what you're studying, but that modern stuff all sucks. You guys gotta learn to paint for it.

43:54 Caller Well, it's not modern, but it definitely sucks.

43:57 Adam Go and sketch yourself a book of long balls.

43:59 Adam Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, still life of long balls.

44:04 The Living End I think so.

44:05 Adam Take a bunch of long balls, put them in a bowl, put them on the table, put some fruit around them, you sketch them up.

44:10 Drew And here we go. Move them around.

44:13 Adam Yeah.

44:13 The Living End Enough of the small talk.

44:14 Adam Yeah, I got that long ball thing too, but it's mainly because my penis is small and it's relative.

44:20 Caller That's the long and short of it.

44:21 Adam Back in, back in Australia.

44:22 Drew The long and the short of it.

44:23 Adam The kangaroos have long balls too.

44:25 Adam Oh, they do.

44:26 Adam But one always hangs lower than the other. It's the kind of, you know, when they bounce. Yeah.

44:35 Adam It seems like the feet hit at the same time. I've only seen kangaroos in cartoons.

44:39 Caller We don't really have any.

44:40 Caller We see them every day in our country.

44:42 The Living End And he's talking about disabled ones.

44:43 Adam Do they all have boxing gloves? Do all the kangaroos have boxing gloves?

44:47 Adam Yeah.

44:47 The Living End All right.

44:48 Adam Wait a minute, I think that may have been the S word again.

44:50 Adam Oh, Laura?

44:52 Caller Yeah.

44:53 Adam You're 20?

44:54 Caller Yep.

44:55 Adam What's happening?

44:56 Caller Well, first of all, Dr. Drew, I loved your book and Adam. I think you're the king of analogies.

45:02 Drew Thank you, Laura.

45:04 Adam Which allergy?

45:05 Caller My question is, I am on a seizure medication right now. And I'm, I just actually switched to a new neurologist and he's switching me to Carbitrol and like I was reading online and it said that like Carbitrol, like if you're on any sort of birth control, like the birth control will no longer be effective.

45:30 Drew Gabatril?

45:31 Caller Carbitrol.

45:33 Drew Carbitrol. What's that Drew? Must be a new one. Drew Notol? Is it?

45:36 Caller It's in the form of like the Tegretol. Like I was on Trileptol.

45:41 Drew Right. Okay, Trileptol is oxcarbazepine as a person. Sure.

45:46 Adam If you're a real doctor, just to love doctor.

45:48 Drew Okay, so it's another carbamazepine basically, which is what Tegretol is. Okay. And those people take all the time and are on birth control pills, though any medicine certainly can affect the efficacy of a birth control pill. This is a new seizure medicine that I've never used, so I wouldn't be a good person to ask about this. And it said what you looked for online that specifically it interferes with the effectiveness of birth control?

46:17 Caller Well, I don't know, like, yeah, it was just like saying the side effects and it just said, like, caution to women, like, if you're on birth control, like, it will not be effective, like, while taking this medicine.

46:29 Drew Or did it say use a secondary means of contraception?

46:32 Caller Yeah, but, like, when I was on Trileptal, like, I talked to my gynecologist and she was like, well, don't worry it, like, it doesn't affect the devil shot.

46:40 Adam Listen, if you're nailing a chick, you should hope she has a seizure in the middle of the sex, you know what I mean?

46:46 Drew Yeah.

46:47 Adam It's just, think how good that would feel.

46:48 Drew She lets slip in there and she's on the depo shot. And that, again, I can't see where that's gonna be affected by these particular medicines, but again, that's a new seizure medicine I've never used.

46:57 Adam My policy is extra 20 bucks if you have a seizure during the intercourse.

47:01 Drew Sure, sure.

47:02 Adam All right.

47:03 Adam That's fair enough.

47:04 Adam We're gonna take a little break. The Living End is here tonight.

47:06 Adam Hello.

47:07 Adam We'll be right back.

47:09 Caller Here it is.

47:09 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

47:12 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

47:14 Caller Call the dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

47:22 Caller Love Line will be right back.

47:24 Caller So get your problems ready.

47:48 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Well, The Living End is here tonight. We're going to hear something all over the new CD, Modern Artillery.

47:57 Caller My questions are going to my PECA.

47:59 Adam Spoke to John from System of a Down. Surprise, surprise, it was a porn-related call. Got the whole Swedish erotica series is coming out on DVD.

48:08 Drew What is that?

48:09 Adam It's, well, what do you think it is, Drew? It's good vintage 80s porn.

48:15 Drew But it's about, is it from Sweden or is it just a name of a series?

48:19 Adam It's, you know, porn is from Sweden, like hand lotion is from Norwegian fishermen. It's really made in China, you know what I mean?

48:30 Drew Made in Northridge.

48:32 Adam Yeah, you see what I'm saying?

48:33 Drew Yeah, yeah, I got it.

48:34 Adam Now I'm talking about the hand lotion.

48:36 Drew Yeah, I am too.

48:37 Adam Yeah, oh, okay. Which does go nicely with the porn. I just mean, I think everyone likes it. You put Sweden and porn together, you get good imagery.

48:45 The Living End You get a sauna.

48:46 Adam You get a sauna, you think about it.

48:47 The Living End I find it so, get a sauna.

48:50 Drew So intriguing that you're drawn to that 80s vintage stuff because that's what imprinted in your brain.

48:56 Caller Oh, I'm as toe-y as a Roman sandal.

48:58 Drew Yeah, but that's what your idea of woman and porn and sex is, it just stuck, it's in your head.

49:04 The Living End I think it's incredible you're calling 80s vintage.

49:07 Adam Yeah.

49:07 The Living End But it's true, isn't it?

49:09 Adam Hey, man, it's 20 years old.

49:10 The Living End It certainly is.

49:12 Adam And 20 years old, it's coming on the middle of the 80s. Oh, boy.

49:16 The Living End All right.

49:17 Adam Listen, we're getting old.

49:18 Caller Let's face it.

49:20 The Living End That's cool. Gracefully.

49:21 Adam Yes. All right. Speaking of moving forward, Rick?

49:25 Caller Yes.

49:26 Adam You're 26?

49:27 Caller Yes.

49:28 Adam What's up?

49:29 Caller Well, I had a pretty serious motorcycle accident about a year ago. Ever since then, you know, I've had multiple surgeries ever since then. It seems like I have a lot of animosity toward my girlfriend because it almost seems like she takes the trivial things like walking and stuff like that for granted, whereas I do it with pain.

49:53 Drew A couple of questions. Was there a head injury associated with this?

49:57 Caller No, no head injuries, no back injuries. The extent of it was...

50:01 Drew Are you strung out on pain medicine now?

50:03 Adam No. Why not, by the way? Shouldn't you be strung out on pain medication? Well... That would be.

50:10 Caller The pain medication just... it made me feel almost like I was there, but I wasn't there.

50:18 Adam He's no addict.

50:19 Drew Right, that's correct. I was just checking to see what the girlfriend's issues are.

50:23 Adam What's your... is your girlfriend... is she doing like the river dance in front of you while you're struggling to get off the sofa or is she just getting up to go to the refrigerator?

50:32 Drew Is she resentful that you can't keep up with her kind of thing?

50:35 Caller Well, it's not so much that she's resentful. She just takes for granted that like there are days that I hurt bad enough, I don't want to get out of bed, but she doesn't understand the fact that I hurt that bad and she wants to get up and go run around town and do whatever.

50:51 Drew How old is she?

50:53 Caller She's 24.

50:55 Adam Yeah, so here's the thing. If she's getting up and running around town and making you feel bad because she's able to do that, that's your problem. But if she's saying to you, get up, come on, don't be lazy, you should be coming with me when you have a couple of steel plates in your head, then that's her problem.

51:11 Drew And at 24, she may not be up for a relationship where she has to take care of somebody.

51:18 Adam Right.

51:18 Drew It may just not be in the cards for her.

51:20 Adam So, but which is it? Is it her not being sympathetic to your thing or is it you just feeling almost jealous of her mobility?

51:28 Caller No, it's, you know, she's the one that she wants me to get up and just go run around town and do it with her.

51:34 Adam All right. Okay. So you've explained to her that you've had multiple surgeries on your legs and you're unable to do that. And what is her answer to that?

51:43 Caller That I'm still on crutches and I have an external fixator down my left leg, you know, stuff like that.

51:49 Drew What do you mean she doesn't understand it? She can see that it's there. Well, what do you mean?

51:53 Caller Well, it's like when she wants me to get up and let's go do whatever around town that she thinks I'll be able to just, you know, get up at the spur of the moment.

52:01 Adam Yeah. We get, we get. Really? No head trauma? No head trauma. Seems like everyone is cold tonight. Had some form of head trauma. Yeah. We understand. She wants you to get move around. She doesn't see the clutches or what's the external fixator?

52:18 Drew It's those big, it's where the pins go from the outside.

52:20 Adam Oh really?

52:21 Drew Big metal bar around the top.

52:24 Adam It seemed like, like it would do a fair amount of convincing to most people seeing that halo around your knee with all the pins going into it.

52:33 Drew Do you, Rick, do you have a non-union distal tibial fracture or something?

52:38 Adam So are you a real doctor or just a love doctor?

52:40 Drew Yeah.

52:41 Adam How about you break up with her?

52:45 Drew All right. I want to know what he wants from us.

52:50 Adam I don't care.

52:51 Adam I'm done.

52:51 Drew Rick, what?

52:53 Adam This is like, he's from, he's calling from Arkansas, obviously he's in no condition to kick my ass.

52:59 Adam I'm done with him.

53:00 Adam Hey, let's just break up. Look, you're walking around, you got splints, you got bandages, you got screws, you got plates, you got pins, you're on crutches. She doesn't understand.

53:09 Drew Well, now that she's being completely non-empathic about it and she, that's called empathic failure and she may not be capable of being empathic.

53:16 Adam She's 24, she wants to go out and...

53:18 Drew And that's unfortunate, but it may not be the right time for this relationship.

53:21 Adam You know what I don't like about living in LA? I never say go to town.

53:24 The Living End I think you should just kick her out. Except he's not kind of...

53:28 Drew Or he's good at it.

53:29 Adam But here's the thing. It's like, I want you to get out of here and keep walking and don't look back. Could you throw a TV dinner in the microwave real quick and bring my Gatorade from the kitchen before? Like, I'd have just a quick punch list of things I needed her to pick up before she actually then left.

53:44 Drew Well, then you ask after.

53:45 The Living End I think 24 is old enough to be sympathetic, though.

53:48 Adam Can he still get his leg over?

53:49 Drew But maybe not to be sort of up for a relationship where she's responsible.

53:54 The Living End Well, on a show where there's 13 year olds that are, you know, sort of, 24 is like, old age.

53:58 Adam I'm sure she's got a side to this story, too, that Rick and I are exactly related to.

54:02 Drew And maybe this relationship is just dead anyway.

54:04 Adam It may have ran its course.

54:06 The Living End She could have her on the phone.

54:08 Adam It'd be nice, but she's in town, dancing. She's dancing a jig in town.

54:15 Yes.

54:15 Adam You're 20? What's up?

54:18 Caller Well, let's see, I'm recently single, and I've been talking to an ex who I've kept in touch with for the last two years that we've been broken up, and he always, like, says, like, oh, well, you know, you were always the best, and I believe him, even if he could be lying, and I'm pretty sure he's slept with a lot of people, or at least a few in the time that we've been broken up, but the thing is, he was the best, too.

54:58 Adam So you're both the best.

54:59 Caller I guess.

55:01 Caller You both were the best.

55:02 Adam You don't sound like the best.

55:04 Caller Well, I feel like, like, kind of like a has-been, you know?

55:08 Drew I imagine Cookie is sort of pouring coffee at a diner. Do you know what's the name of that famous diner in St. Paul?

55:15 Caller Mickey's.

55:16 Drew Mickey's. I imagine Cookie working at Mickey's.

55:18 Adam Cookie working at Mickey's.

55:19 Drew Couldn't you see that?

55:19 Adam What do you do, Cookie?

55:22 Caller Currently awaiting acceptance for school.

55:26 Drew But while you're waiting, what are you doing?

55:29 Caller Hanging out and doing, taking care of family stuff, helping my parents out a lot.

55:37 Drew All right, and you want to get back with this old boyfriend who doesn't sound like he's very serious about you. Is that accurate?

55:42 Caller Well, I sort of, I think he is. Because we did spend some time together before...

55:50 Adam Why did you guys, quiet down, why did you guys break up?

55:57 Caller Because he wanted to move out of state and I didn't. And he did go, but then he came back here and he waited like half a year for me to break up with the person I was with and it didn't happen, so just as he leaves, we break up.

56:16 Adam So you guys only broke up because he wanted to move out of state?

56:20 Caller Yeah.

56:21 Drew No.

56:22 Adam No.

56:22 Drew Come on, Koki.

56:23 Caller Well, yeah, that's it.

56:26 Adam Well, that and he was effing your sister and mom?

56:28 Caller No.

56:30 Adam No.

56:30 Drew Your best friend.

56:31 Caller He wasn't that lucky. He wanted to move to South Dakota and I'm like...

56:40 Drew Koki's accent would have been right in there.

56:42 Adam You would have fit right in.

56:43 Caller I don't think so.

56:45 Adam Are you drunk now?

56:46 Caller No.

56:47 Adam You seem like you've seen a lot in your short 20 years on this planet.

56:52 Caller Very observant.

56:53 Adam Not really observant. Like you suffered a lot. More like you saw your dad drink himself to death or something, that kind of stuff. Not like your head's on a swivel. Anything? Have you seen tragedy?

57:06 Caller Speaking of tragedy, this past Saturday I went to visit a friend in St. Paul and on 94 West, the highway that connects Minneapolis and St. Paul, two cars exploded in front of me.

57:21 Adam Well, there's tragedy.

57:22 Caller The friend that I was with, he's like, oh my, you know, and I look up and like this car smashes into the back of a truck and instant flames and there's a cookie jumping out of the car like daredevil or something and running towards the truck to try to help the guy.

57:41 Caller What happened?

57:42 Caller Well, the guy in the truck, his door wouldn't open and he kicked his window out and I ran towards him and obviously he was in shock because he just laid there. And I grabbed him by his arms and helped him like safely to the side of the highway and then I was driving and was directing traffic like for the cars to stop and back up.

58:07 Adam Cookie on the spot.

58:10 Caller Cookie's a smart cookie.

58:12 Adam That's right.

58:14 The Living End That's a big story, isn't it?

58:16 Adam Hey, all right, but before Saturday, any of your parents alive? Everything good there?

58:25 Caller Yeah. My mother and biological father are not together, but my mother is married and my parents are awesome.

58:35 Adam All right. So nothing, no big tragedies, no one's an alcoholic or anything.

58:40 Caller My mom is a recovering alcoholic.

58:44 Drew You think you have the gene too?

58:45 Caller Chemical dependency counselor. After she quit drinking, she went into chemical dependency and social work.

58:53 Drew What the hell do you know?

58:55 Caller No, she worked in a few places in Minneapolis.

58:58 Drew Hazelton's a big one.

58:59 Adam All right. Well, when did she stop drinking? How old were you?

59:02 Drew I'm writing a chapter for a book for Hazelton.

59:04 Caller I'd say I was 13, about 12 or 13. Because she quit drinking in 95.

59:10 Adam That's a big deal.

59:11 Drew But she's very, very recovered. Do you think you have the gene cookie?

59:15 Adam Yeah, she's got the gene.

59:17 Adam Of course she's got the gene.

59:18 Adam She wouldn't have jumped out of a car and ran toward the burning truck.

59:21 Drew That's exactly right.

59:22 Adam That's an alcoholic right there.

59:23 Drew That's exactly right.

59:24 Adam That's what the gene is. The non-alcoholic. I just start masturbating and crying when I see tragedy.

59:31 Drew No, that is exactly right.

59:32 Adam That was my instinct. Just wear some lube, give me some lotion. I'm going to need Kleenex for tears and other things.

59:39 Drew Yeah, but he's got the gene.

59:41 Adam You're jumping out of a car before it stops and running toward the burning truck.

59:44 Drew That is a classic alcohol maneuver.

59:46 Adam Yeah, because the alcoholic gene is the Viking gene.

59:49 Drew It's the thrill gene. They are completely at their best in extreme circumstances. And so, like in war and stuff, they do much better than the rest of us. They survive. The rest of us get a spear in the back or something.

1:00:02 Adam Well, my ancestors were all crying and masturbating when they would run through.

1:00:06 Drew That's what I'm saying.

1:00:07 Adam It's hard to defend yourself when you're wiping tears and beating yourself. It's just hard to defend. It's not a great posture for a sword fight.

1:00:17 Drew It's not important.

1:00:18 Adam Sword fight.

1:00:20 Adam It's not great. I mean, later it moved into arrows and then all the Corollas had died that way.

1:00:26 Drew So, for Cookie, let's give her a blessing. Go ahead, back to her boyfriend, Dick's boyfriend.

1:00:29 Adam I mean, that's the way it crumbles, Cookie.

1:00:31 Drew We'd say go back to Dick's boyfriend. Based on everything she told us, we can't see any reason not to go back. Even though it's kind of a spurious situation and all.

1:00:39 Adam Go back.

1:00:40 Adam Go back. That's right.

1:00:41 Caller He's the chief of the Aisle Block, Cookie.

1:00:43 Adam Go back.

1:00:44 Drew Quickly go to the club before the band makes more quips about them.

1:00:49 The Living End We're just getting warmed up.

1:00:51 Adam Let me explain what went on with the band. They had the, what was the first one? Cookie, both the way Cookie crumbles.

1:00:58 The Living End Smart Cookie.

1:01:00 Adam Smart Cookie.

1:01:01 Drew They peaked.

1:01:03 Adam Yeah, that's where they peaked. It's like first time at the plate, triple off the wall, stand up triple, but then the next they just had to leg out, feel their choice.

1:01:13 The Living End It's the yeast we could do.

1:01:14 Adam You're still on, you're still on pay.

1:01:17 Drew Yeast.

1:01:19 Adam Now I'm pulling it up. The skipper's coming out. He's waving to the bullpen.

1:01:23 The Living End That's Australian humor right there.

1:01:24 Adam Jessica? You're 19? That's Australian for funny.

1:01:33 The Living End You're an Australian for legal.

1:01:34 Adam Yeah, that's true.

1:01:35 Drew What's up, Jessica?

1:01:36 Caller Hi. I'm having a little bit of a problem. I've been on a depression medication effects for the past year. And since then, like my I'm not feeling, you know, I'm not able to get aroused. My orgasms like aren't very good anymore.

1:01:57 Adam Well, we're staying at the.

1:02:01 Drew You know, that's the medication. That's really a typical thing. Prozac and Zoloft are probably the most notorious for doing this. But effects for many people can shut you down pretty good. And many women, the fact that you can have orgasm is is sort of above average as it pertains to being shut down by these medications. Very often when women have this sort of experience from the antidepressant medicines, sex seems like weird and like, why would people do that? They have no arousal. So you have some arousal, you have unsatisfying orgasms, that's all the effects are. It will go away and go back to normal if you get off the medicine. There are at least, yeah, there are at least three alternatives. Remeron, Serizone and Wellbutrin do not cause sexual dysfunction like this.

1:02:44 Adam Good times.

1:02:45 Drew Other than those three?

1:02:46 Caller Anything else I could take on top of it to, you know.

1:02:52 Drew On top of the effects, sir? Yeah.

1:02:54 Adam Switch to the Wellbutrin. You can take that on top.

1:02:58 Drew You can take it on top.

1:02:59 Adam I'll take it on top.

1:03:01 Drew There's something called Cyproheptadine that has been suggested for you, sir, on top of things like effects. Wellbutrin is usually what they would add. And some psychiatrists are trying Viagra. The interesting thing about Viagra, they just abandoned the research on women with Viagra because...

1:03:18 Adam They all eff themselves to death.

1:03:20 Drew No.

1:03:21 Adam That's what I heard.

1:03:22 Drew Not themselves. It was on the stick shift of your buddies. Yeah. No. It was on the stick shift. Here's the reason they abandoned the research. They abandoned the research because repeatedly, no matter how they studied this, they discovered that they had no trouble creating the physical manifestations of arousal in women, meaning they get the blood supply up, the clitoral engorgement, the lubrication. But they discovered in women, there was a complete disconnect between arousal and desire. And men, they're the same. You get arousal, you're desire, that's it, you're game on.

1:03:53 Adam So as a guy, you get a boner.

1:03:55 Drew You're thinking go.

1:03:56 Adam You want to do it? Women could have an engorged clitoris. Ready to roll and not be thinking naughty thoughts. Women are complex.

1:04:07 Adam So what do they do with it?

1:04:09 Drew They abandon the research because clearly they...

1:04:12 Adam The engorged clitoris.

1:04:13 Drew They wait for it to go down.

1:04:14 Adam You have to stand on your head.

1:04:16 Adam I knew a girl that could wear jeans and get herself off walking down the street.

1:04:19 Drew Yeah, there are those out there. Hello.

1:04:23 The Living End This girl is depressed because she... She's not getting aroused because she's on antidepressants.

1:04:28 Drew It's actually a viable point is that in relationships are important when you're depressed and if you're screwing with them or not...

1:04:35 Adam Well, wait a minute. I want to get back to the Viagra stuff. So they were able to arouse women but no connection between...

1:04:43 Drew Arousal and desire.

1:04:44 Adam All right. So then what did the what did the arousal feel like to them? Is it just feel like you're as if like you're sometimes your ass falls asleep on a long car ride?

1:04:55 Drew Like your face flushed or something.

1:04:56 Adam Just a physical sensation. But didn't really remind you of anything.

1:05:02 Drew Not well.

1:05:04 Adam It's bad times. Yeah.

1:05:06 Drew This is like...

1:05:08 Adam I had a nut. What's the matter, Drew?

1:05:10 Drew I seem to be doing these interviews lately.

1:05:12 Adam You're a man of great passion.

1:05:17 Drew These interviews lately with women's magazines and things where I'm trying to convince them. I can't believe I'm getting into these discussions that men and women are different.

1:05:23 Adam Right.

1:05:24 Drew And it makes me insane.

1:05:25 Adam Yeah.

1:05:25 The Living End They are different.

1:05:27 Drew And I recently, I was talking to Oprah's magazine today and I said, look, I gave the pizza analogy.

1:05:32 Adam You're talking to Oprah's magazine? Big news flash, by the way. I guess who's going to be on the cover of next month's Oprah?

1:05:40 The Living End Oprah.

1:05:41 Drew Oh, good.

1:05:43 Adam That would make it 170 issues in a row. Assholes. Wow.

1:05:48 The Living End I thought we were going to be on the next cover of Oprah.

1:05:51 Drew I gave the pizza analogy, you know, and I attributed it to you. Which is? That, you know, for men, sex is all good. It's all pizza. You don't have to worry about your technique. Ladies, relax. It's just, you know.

1:06:01 Adam Some pizza better than others.

1:06:02 Drew Some pizza better, but it's all.

1:06:03 Adam But we're going to eat whatever's delivered.

1:06:05 Drew It's all good. Right. And the editors went, unacceptable. No, it's not true. It's not true. Refuse to accept that. What?

1:06:12 Adam I don't know why, why, by the way, why do women want to become men or want to have, I mean, what's wrong with the differences between women and men? I don't, we, we should celebrate these things.

1:06:25 Drew Yes, we should empower them.

1:06:26 Adam I don't understand the thing. It's like, yeah, they should be, they should be entering in the combat zones and fighting right along with the guys. They should be doing this. We don't want to do the crap you do, but you think we want to breastfeed or crap out a kid or watch crappy shows or talk to Oprah magazine? Oh, wait a minute, Drew.

1:06:43 Drew That's me. I just crapped a kid out too.

1:06:45 Caller That's right.

1:06:47 Adam That's right. All right. Here's the point. Don't do what we do. We won't do what you do and that'll be great because if we become the same, eventually we're not going to want to F you. Hallelujah. You know what I mean? We'll do that. We'll F each other if we want that.

1:07:00 Caller Man will kill herself.

1:07:02 Adam That's right. Let's take a break.

1:07:04 Drew I got to pee.

1:07:05 Caller All right.

1:07:05 Adam See?

1:07:06 Drew But I tried to get up.

1:07:09 Adam Try standing this time.

1:07:10 The Living End Sitting down or standing?

1:07:12 Caller Have you got to pee?

1:07:13 Drew How do I do that? I'll show you how to do it.

1:07:16 Adam I'll hold you from behind. First I'll blow a fag, then I'm going to come in and do it. And nicotine. I'm talking about you guys.

1:07:23 Caller That sounds like a very good time.

1:07:25 The Living End Yeah, but this is a completely different conversation in Australia.

1:07:27 Drew We're going to hear a song where you're back to.

1:07:28 Adam Yes. All right. From the Living End after this. Hey everybody, it's Loveline! I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. The Living End is here tonight. We're gonna hear another song off Modern Artillery. I love that, hello.

1:08:14 The Living End How you going? What's going on tonight?

1:08:18 Adam Yes, Drew.

1:08:19 The Living End No worries.

1:08:20 Drew Is this, is this, I'm white?

1:08:21 Adam I got the CD here. We're gonna hear something off it, Drew.

1:08:24 Drew Okay, want to do it right now?

1:08:26 Adam No, no, let's, you know, we should practice now.

1:08:29 Drew Not, what, not talking?

1:08:30 Adam Yeah, let's practice not talking.

1:08:32 Drew I'm getting pretty good at it.

1:08:33 Adam No, you're good.

1:08:34 Drew Well, I have to be reminded to initiate.

1:08:36 Adam Okay, this is not a great example. You're not talking. Okay, now again, I say something funny. I say something funny. That's right, a little less nostril noise, but a knowing, knowing and laughing. And I see something interesting. What would that look be like? And now I say something provocative. I say some provocative. What would that look like? Now what about something that starts off is, hey, I'm not sure where this guy's going, but that has a great payday. So that would be like, huh, what? Yes, right.

1:09:14 Caller At first I didn't know.

1:09:16 The Living End This has got to be on the web, not radio.

1:09:18 Adam No, this is good radio for Drew. This is good. This is better than talk.

1:09:23 Caller This is a great way to cover up Dr. Drew going off to the bathroom. It's really well done. He's not even in the room. What's he doing in the bathroom?

1:09:31 The Living End He's been in there a long time.

1:09:32 Adam All right, so again, Drew, now I say something controversial. No, I don't know. That didn't seem to be the right look. Controversy, show me controversy. Drew, you holding your breath is not controversial. Yeah, okay, that's good. That's good, yeah. But now, it's gave you some food for thought. Really, I've opened some new thought processes for you. Yeah, okay, good. That's good. All right, let's try that. Let's try that on this call. You ready? Good, good with the nod. See, that was a trick, because he could have said yes or Roger, or something like that.

1:10:11 The Living End It's adaptation. It's a puppet show.

1:10:13 Adam Maria? You're 19?

1:10:16 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:10:17 The Living End All right.

1:10:19 Adam You got a question about sex?

1:10:21 Caller Yes, I'm so glad to talk to y'all, because it's the only doctor I've ever talked to who ever knew anything about.

1:10:27 Adam Well, he's nodding feverishly.

1:10:29 Caller Okay, about two and a half years ago, I had a pretty rough time in my life, and I was taking Zoloft.

1:10:36 Adam All right, let me explain. Drew has one eyebrow slightly higher than the other. But he's listening. He's scratching his chin.

1:10:44 Caller Okay, I took Zoloft for a period of about five months, and I really didn't like the way that it was making me feel, so I stopped. And I've never had any problem with like arousal and things before. But now two and a half years later, I've been in this relationship for a year. And during the entire time of this, and I'm talking like we have tried everything, I have plenty of desire and no sexual arousal.

1:11:11 Adam Okay, hold on. Drew just did that thing where he whipped his glasses off and now he's nibbling on one of the arm ends. That means he's thinking, yeah. Do that one, Drew, nibble, nibble. Yeah, fold the other arm in when you nibble. Both of them, you idiot. Just fold the, hold on, God damn it. Yeah, that's it, that's it. Yeah, that's it, that's it. That means he's thinking.

1:11:33 The Living End That's a good nibble.

1:11:34 Adam That's a great nibble.

1:11:35 Drew He's got a good nibble. I've got to speak to him.

1:11:37 The Living End He's got a good nibble.

1:11:37 Drew Come on, let me speak to him.

1:11:38 Adam Yeah, you're on such a roll.

1:11:40 Drew I know, I can't do anything right or good. But Maria, are you on birth control?

1:11:44 Caller Yes, I am.

1:11:45 Drew Okay, how long have you been on the birth control?

1:11:47 Caller I've been on birth control for about two years now.

1:11:50 Drew Could that be what's causing the problem?

1:11:51 Caller I asked my doctor and I really don't think that he knows what he's talking about.

1:11:56 Drew Maria, it commonly does. Which birth control pill are you on?

1:11:59 Caller Tri-Nurinol or something like that.

1:12:01 Drew Yeah, Tri-Nurinol and the Triphasic pills usually actually help sexual desire, but some women it shuts them down.

1:12:07 Caller Well, I have no arousal.

1:12:09 Drew Which is, by no arousal, you mean dryness? And this is interesting. This is a job for Viagra now, because that's what we were just talking about, how Viagra will cause arousal.

1:12:24 Caller Can they prescribe it to me?

1:12:26 Drew If your doctor is inclined, yeah, in fact, it has been shown now that Viagra will do nothing for your arousal, but excuse me, for your desire, but can give you arousal. That's exactly what I mean. But more importantly, more importantly, it sounds familiar, you should be on a different birth control pill. Did you ever, now a couple of the questions, do you ever do much of ecstasy?

1:12:44 Caller No, I've never tried that.

1:12:45 Drew No drugs.

1:12:46 Adam Well, there's your problem. You gotta get in the ecstasy.

1:12:49 Caller That's a good girl.

1:12:54 Adam Little heroin.

1:12:55 Drew Are you smoking pot regularly? Cause it will catch up with you.

1:12:59 Adam And you're using your mouth, right? You're not doing it vaginally? You get, you get cotton, they call it cotton coos.

1:13:14 Caller I think it's clinically called fairy lips. Yeah.

1:13:17 Adam You see a chick snap a bong load that way, just using, just using the vagina, Drew?

1:13:22 Drew I can't say I have, but I buy it.

1:13:24 Caller Oh, man.

1:13:24 Drew Often, often.

1:13:25 Adam I wanna say that.

1:13:26 Adam Oh, man. It's great.

1:13:28 The Living End And he's come all this way.

1:13:29 Caller That's all he wants to say. He's come a long way.

1:13:31 The Living End That's all he wants to say.

1:13:33 Adam Working the carb with their toe.

1:13:35 Drew Do you think Jim Rhodes' wife could do that?

1:13:38 Adam That's awesome. And depending on the chick, either want to go before or after, but it's really dependent because it can really, it's quite, it varies.

1:13:48 Caller Well, you can get a buzz off seconds.

1:13:51 Drew So predominantly, and I imagine Marie is not on the antidepressant medicine right now, and it doesn't sound like she's depressed. So really the culprit very much sounds like a biological event and the highest probability of the culprit would be the birth control pill. All right.

1:14:04 Adam I'll tell you, that would be great on the internet, that vaginal bong load, if they could work that out. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:14:12 Drew You mean the movie of it or something?

1:14:13 Adam Yeah, just one of those internet things.

1:14:15 Drew One of those joke things you pass around?

1:14:16 Adam Yeah, that's no joke, Drew. This is pretty serious business.

1:14:19 Drew No, I understand.

1:14:20 Adam Yeah.

1:14:21 Drew Yeah, hope you have good times.

1:14:22 Adam Let's-

1:14:24 Adam And then it gets to munchies. And that's when it gets good. Going through a whole box of Triscuits and Slim Jims would be awesome.

1:14:36 Adam Slim Jims.

1:14:36 The Living End We don't have Triscuits and Slim Jims.

1:14:37 Adam Yeah, what do you guys got over there?

1:14:39 The Living End We've got the Crunchy, we've got the Munchies.

1:14:41 Caller We've got the Crunchy for the Munchies.

1:14:43 Adam The Mint Slice.

1:14:44 Caller The Mint Slice and the Mars Bar.

1:14:47 Adam Mars Bar.

1:14:48 Adam Mars Bar.

1:14:49 The Living End We even have deep fried Mars Bars over here.

1:14:52 Adam No, anal, anal.

1:14:55 The Living End What about this guy?

1:14:55 Caller Do you guys have the Cherry Ripe?

1:14:57 Adam No, what's the Cherry Ripe?

1:15:00 Adam That's chocolate kind of cherries.

1:15:01 Caller Oh. Yeah, it's kind of long and thin.

1:15:04 Drew They're called Cherry Cordules.

1:15:05 Caller Yeah.

1:15:05 Adam Yeah, they're good. Yeah, they're good to get a little rum in there, too.

1:15:08 The Living End Yeah, that's the Dux Nuts.

1:15:10 Caller Well, uh.

1:15:11 Drew Well, we don't have Dux Nuts close that way.

1:15:13 Adam We got Bee's Knees. We don't have Dux Nuts.

1:15:15 Caller That's exactly right.

1:15:16 Drew We have Cat's Pajamas, Bee's Knees, but not Dux Nuts.

1:15:18 Adam Well, we do now. All right, let's hear a song from The Living End, shall we?

1:15:23 The Living End What do we want us to sing for you?

1:15:24 Adam Well, it's been recorded in the studio. It's called Short Notice. That is The Living End. I like that song.

1:18:21 Adam Short notice, yeah.

1:18:23 Adam No, I don't mean the theme, I just mean the tempo.

1:18:26 Adam You know what I mean?

1:18:26 Adam So yeah, I'm back, you know, I'm an old guy. I like those old pretenders and Elvis Costello.

1:18:31 The Living End I know you're talking.

1:18:32 Adam Old Joe Jackson.

1:18:35 The Living End I saw Joe Jackson last summer in LA.

1:18:37 Adam Shabam. He do some of that old stuff?

1:18:40 The Living End It was all old stuff.

1:18:41 Adam Oh, man. Yeah. You guys gotta get, look sharp and I'm the man and all that good old, that good stuff. All right. Let's get back to the phones and speak to Rain.

1:18:54 Drew Who's been thinking about her attitude, I believe.

1:18:56 Adam Rain, I spoke to, she's on hold for 118 minutes. I spoke to her about 111 minutes ago and then I forgot about her. Rain?

1:19:08 Drew Whoops, I pushed the wrong button.

1:19:10 Adam Rain? All right. So your attitude's good.

1:19:13 Caller No, that wasn't me. That was Ashley.

1:19:15 Drew Oh, she's right.

1:19:16 Caller Yeah, good memory. I listen very carefully because she might know that you are on Super Millionaire but she doesn't know the question and the answer.

1:19:24 Adam Ooh, Drew was on Super Millionaire, everybody.

1:19:26 Drew That's right.

1:19:27 Caller And you were on Jimmy Kimmel.

1:19:29 Adam Yes, I was.

1:19:30 Adam What did he say about that?

1:19:33 Drew What's up, Rain?

1:19:34 Adam All right, what's up, baby doll? Thanks for telling Drew and I where we've both been.

1:19:40 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:19:43 Adam Thank you, love your attitude.

1:19:45 Drew How old are you, Rain?

1:19:46 Caller 14.

1:19:48 Adam You're very mature sounding 14.

1:19:50 Drew I reckon.

1:19:50 Caller I've been homeschooled since third grade, so, yeah.

1:19:54 Adam Ooh, that's a blessing and a curse. Yeah, how come you're homeschooled?

1:19:59 Caller Well, I was getting my ass kicked every day.

1:20:04 Adam Why?

1:20:05 Caller Well, I mean, I'm black, but I talk like a white girl. I listen to different music. You know, most people are listening, you know, hip hop. I'm listening to Linkin Park and AFI and stuff like that.

1:20:16 Drew So your peers were kicking your ass because of that?

1:20:19 Caller Well, I mean, like I have really long hair. I talk different. I don't fight back.

1:20:24 Adam Well, who was, were black students mad at you or white students?

1:20:28 Caller Yeah, black students.

1:20:29 Adam Yeah, white students are fine with that.

1:20:32 Caller Completely black school, except for one boy.

1:20:34 Adam Oh, all right. So is that, it's an interesting thing because amongst the black population, if you don't act quote black, are you looking as like a sellout? Uncle Tom?

1:20:48 Caller I don't know. I'd never really gotten to.

1:20:51 Adam But you didn't-

1:20:51 Caller Yeah, we were little kids. We were like, you know, eight or-

1:20:53 Drew I'd say third grade is what you-

1:20:55 Adam Third grade? Yeah, but a third-

1:20:57 Caller Actually, when I was eight I had-

1:20:59 Adam I'm not racist, but blacks mature much faster. It's not a bad thing. Third grade black is like a 26 year old in white.

1:21:06 Drew I see, thank you for educating us.

1:21:07 Adam Yeah, and like 19 in Mexican. Asian, it's hard to tell. I gotta work that out. I gotta grab my chart. I got a laminate, I keep my wallet. Work out, but no, there's like, there's 10 year old black boys who'd kick your ass and get you pregnant. And the same move, by the way.

1:21:24 Caller I just wanted to know quickly in a number, how do you write Aussies on that? Yeah, a 13 year old black person is like a 26 year old.

1:21:37 Adam Oh, I see. I'd say, I'd say, I'd say, a 13 year old black person is like a- Okay, here's the thing. The whiter you are, the slower, the further away, like the further you away are from that age. No, the younger. Yeah, here's what I'm saying.

1:21:50 Drew The slower you mature.

1:21:52 Adam Yeah, you show me a 15 year old white kid and a 15 year old black kid and a 15 year old Australia kid. The white kid's gonna be the youngest. You know what I mean?

1:22:04 Drew One of the theories, by the way, is that puberty is brought on early because of stress.

1:22:08 Adam Oh, really? So it's a tough neighborhood, tough childhood?

1:22:11 Drew Like Romanian orphans and things, when they came over here, they started having puberty at 10 and 11.

1:22:15 Adam Oh, really?

1:22:16 Adam Yeah, it's growing from all over the spots.

1:22:18 Caller Rain? History, tough history.

1:22:21 Adam So anyway, you're getting your ass kicked at the black school and your parents pulled you out. And did the homeschooling.

1:22:28 Caller Yeah, which is most of the reasons that I have so many problems that I do now.

1:22:33 Adam Which is behind me.

1:22:35 Caller Yeah, but-

1:22:35 Caller Okay, let me run down the problems. I listen a lot. Sorry. Yes, I was molested. Yes, my father is gone.

1:22:42 Adam Who molested you?

1:22:43 Caller My godbrother, my older godbrother.

1:22:46 Drew How old was he at the time?

1:22:47 Caller He was 13, I was eight.

1:22:49 Adam Yeah. Not what you're looking for out of a godbrother.

1:22:52 Caller Because like, it's kind of like almost...

1:22:55 Drew Or the godfather should have been the one.

1:22:56 Adam Yeah, it's more goddamned duty. The godfather was earlier?

1:23:02 Caller It's a weird thing because like, my mom's like metaphysical and everything, and like, we have these meetings here, and like, it was literally two rooms away.

1:23:09 Adam All right, so Rain, let me explain what, sorry, by the way, but here's the deal. You're very smart.

1:23:16 Caller Thank you.

1:23:16 Adam You just have very screwed up parents and you grew up in a screwed up environment. Oh, yeah. Now, here's the problem. Unfortunately, smart doesn't make you sane or happy or rich, as I learned for the first 30 years of my life. It really doesn't do that much for you other than realize you should be further along than what you are. But it does kind of give you the ability to find help and seek help. And Rain, that's what you need to do. So it's like, that's a weird thing. I want to talk about this for a second. Smart doesn't equate, doesn't equal happy.

1:23:49 Drew Or healthy, no.

1:23:50 Adam Or healthy or anything.

1:23:51 The Living End No.

1:23:52 Adam I mean, it really, the smarter the person is, the more tortured they seem to be.

1:23:56 Drew Sometimes.

1:23:57 The Living End Yeah, because the more they're aware of what works for them.

1:24:00 Drew Bundy was a brilliant guy. Who? Ted Bundy.

1:24:02 Adam Ted Bundy? Genius, genius. But what? War return.

1:24:06 Drew And bad guy.

1:24:07 Adam Bad guy. Yeah, he was tortured. Well, at least he tortured other people.

1:24:11 Drew But the point is that him being smart didn't help him from his pathology. And Rain is suffering from stuff. And she didn't even get to her question, by the way.

1:24:18 Adam What was her question? Rain?

1:24:21 Caller Yeah, I actually had a question. Well, she's now a little, I don't know how the situation is right now. Cause I cheated on my girlfriend past week with her best friend.

1:24:32 Adam Oh, you're lesbian?

1:24:33 Caller Yeah.

1:24:34 Adam All right.

1:24:35 Caller Another screwed up thing.

1:24:37 Adam Yeah, well you got molested.

1:24:41 Caller But...

1:24:43 Drew Thank you, Rain.

1:24:43 Caller Yeah, you're welcome.

1:24:45 Adam They have a shortage of lesbians in Australia, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:24:49 The Living End We've got three.

1:24:51 Adam Times are so desperate.

1:24:52 Caller We need one more.

1:24:53 Adam Times are so lean over there, they have to have guys tuck their junk between their legs and put wigs on.

1:24:58 The Living End Chuck tunkers.

1:24:59 Adam And go at it at like bachelor parties and stuff. That's all they got. It's tough, it's like prison.

1:25:04 Drew So the question is...

1:25:06 Caller The question is, well, I don't know if she's like schizophrenic, but um...

1:25:11 Adam You go to Australia, make some money.

1:25:13 Caller My cousin actually was, cause she was a virgin. I took her virginity. A 17 year old girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, whatever she is. And I had done it two times and she'd done it once. And every time she would bleed. Not like the first time or anything.

1:25:32 Drew Were you putting something inside of her?

1:25:33 Caller Just fingers.

1:25:34 Adam Just a crucifix.

1:25:36 Drew All right, well look, here's the deal. Perhaps you ruptured a hymen. Why would it happen repeatedly? Some women's sexual arousal and certainly penetration can cause a little bleeding, particularly as your period approaches. Not uncommon.

1:25:48 Adam Rain, parents should be arrested if they could find their dad or stupid metaphysical mom with the rain and all the thing. All right, so listen, right. You're smart, but you're deeply troubled. It's not your fault. It's your environment, but you gotta seek some help. I'm gonna recommend a book. Please stop acting out.

1:26:05 Drew Healing Trauma, Daniel Siegel. Healing Trauma, and that will give you a frame of reference for what it is you need.

1:26:12 Adam All right.

1:26:12 The Living End And it's good that she's listening to stuff that all other people aren't.

1:26:16 Adam That's right.

1:26:17 The Living End Do your own thing. That's good.

1:26:18 Adam Drew, you go to Australia, make some good lesbian money.

1:26:22 Drew With the tuck, tuck action?

1:26:24 Adam Well, because see, I'm too hairy to get away with the tuck.

1:26:26 The Living End Oh yeah.

1:26:27 Adam You're smooth. You get that tuck going, you could pull it off.

1:26:31 The Living End Doctor tuck.

1:26:32 Adam You might pull it off if you got it tucked.

1:26:34 Adam Yeah, that's the point. But, it's happened to a couple friends of mine. If they find out, they'll kill you. Okay, so be very careful. Yeah, use duct tape. All right, we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:26:55 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:27:03 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, The Living End, here tonight. Guy's been putting away the beer pretty steadily, but you've maintained your composure.

1:27:12 Adam Composure?

1:27:13 Caller Oh, it's been a bloody Tops night, mate.

1:27:15 Adam Yeah. Tops?

1:27:16 Caller Tops.

1:27:16 Adam Tops.

1:27:17 The Living End Hang on, I just fell over. What was that?

1:27:18 Adam Tops is good. I was complimenting you on your composure.

1:27:22 Drew Oh yeah, you said your composure was bloody Tops.

1:27:24 The Living End Thank you, we compose good songs.

1:27:26 Adam We will, yeah, I give that a good sing. I give two. No, I mean a double. Double, not a two, not a two out of 10. The band, by the way, in USA Today, three and a half out of four stars. Three and a half out of four stars.

1:27:41 The Living End That's pretty good. It's good for over here, is it?

1:27:44 Adam It is. You're talking to guys minus seven stars. Down seven, yeah. I put out a three and a half star album. I'm still minus three and a half stars. You see what I'm saying?

1:27:56 Caller You're just impressed that we fall in the above minus six star, aren't we?

1:28:01 Drew Like, you're almost batting perfect.

1:28:04 Adam Yeah, you're half a star away from perfect.

1:28:06 The Living End Yeah, we'd like to thank USA Today.

1:28:09 Adam Yeah, I was, like I said, did you see it? Did you see the...

1:28:13 The Living End I did say it actually today.

1:28:15 Adam Yeah, they said good things, right?

1:28:17 The Living End They did, they said very nice things.

1:28:19 Caller There you go. Nick? Yeah.

1:28:20 The Living End And I asked the guy from the newsagent if he had it and he said yes.

1:28:23 Drew What's up, Nick?

1:28:24 Adam And that's, by the way, that's USA Today. It's all over. It's read by stupid people all around the country.

1:28:31 Drew Yeah.

1:28:31 Caller You guys rock.

1:28:33 Adam Oh, what's happening, Nick? Thank you, Nick. Not too much.

1:28:37 Caller Just having a problem being able to masturbate.

1:28:41 Adam Mm-hmm. Right now?

1:28:42 Adam You got a hand?

1:28:43 Caller Well, I do. I just, I have to be watching.

1:28:45 Adam You got a willy?

1:28:46 Caller Hardcore porn. Yeah, I got a willy.

1:28:48 Drew What do you mean hardcore?

1:28:48 Adam You're all right, then.

1:28:49 Drew What do you mean hardcore porn?

1:28:51 Adam What do you mean?

1:28:52 Drew No, I mean, what does that mean to him? What is that?

1:28:53 Caller Vice channel type stuff.

1:28:55 Drew But it's not something you feel ashamed, you know what I mean? That's-

1:28:57 Adam You feel badly?

1:28:58 Drew You're disturbed about it.

1:28:59 Caller Well, no, I don't feel badly. It's just-

1:29:02 Adam Hardcore porn, what are we talking? Boobs and bums or-

1:29:04 Caller We're talking, you know, good hardcore action.

1:29:07 Adam Girl hardcore action.

1:29:08 Caller Have you got some memories of a really good shag? Yeah. Yeah?

1:29:14 Adam All right, but he doesn't need memories.

1:29:16 Caller Why doesn't that one go straight to the Wang Bang thing?

1:29:19 Drew So, but first of all, you sound depressed. Is that just because it's late at night or are you actually depressed? Yeah. Depressed. And are you using sex as a way of trying to manage your depression?

1:29:30 Caller No, I'm probably using the drugs more for that.

1:29:33 Drew What drugs?

1:29:37 Caller But also, like coke.

1:29:40 Drew There's your flaccid.

1:29:41 Adam There you go, he's depressed. That's where he is.

1:29:44 Drew You're strung out. Why don't we deal with that? That's more of the issue than, the fact that you're feeling guilty about something that's quasi-normal at this point in history.

1:29:52 Adam I don't even know if he's feeling guilty. He's just depressed.

1:29:57 Drew Yeah. Work on the depression, work on the drugs. Depression's not gonna get better until you deal with the marijuana and the cocaine. Guaranteed. In fact, there's an axiom in psychiatry. You never try to treat a depression until the addiction is thoroughly treated.

1:30:10 Adam Nah. You eat marijuana, you wanna eat?

1:30:12 The Living End Yeah, but isn't it hard to then give up those things because then you're like, well, what am I gonna do with my time? It's even more depressing.

1:30:21 Drew No, he has to go into treatment. 85% of people, 100% of people coming for treatment are depressed, 85% get improvement or resolution of the depression merely with treating their addiction.

1:30:32 Adam Hey, but it takes all kinds, doesn't it?

1:30:34 The Living End Elizabeth?

1:30:36 Adam You're 19?

1:30:38 Caller Yes.

1:30:38 The Living End Hi Lizzie. Liz. Good Anya.

1:30:40 Caller Liz, L-Y-Z-Z.

1:30:42 Drew Good Anya?

1:30:43 The Living End L-Y-Z-Z.

1:30:44 Adam Good Anya.

1:30:45 The Living End Good Anya?

1:30:46 Drew What does that mean?

1:30:47 Caller That's just my name.

1:30:50 Adam No, not you.

1:30:51 Caller Liz, Good Anya.

1:30:53 Drew What's your middle name?

1:30:56 The Living End Last time over here we said Good Anya to someone and I said, Good Onions?

1:31:00 Adam Yeah, it's always dangerous trying to talk to Americans, especially the ones that call this show. They rarely know what's going on. All right. Anyway, Liz, you're 19.

1:31:12 Caller Can I say, I love y'all so much and from listening to this wonderful show, I decided that I want to be a sex therapist.

1:31:20 Adam Thank you. So do I, but I, you know, I made the grades.

1:31:24 Drew I recommend you just become a physician and then work in the mental health field and then if you want to focus on sexual issues, that's the way to go.

1:31:30 The Living End That's a feather in your cap, doctor.

1:31:32 Drew Thanks.

1:31:32 The Living End Good.

1:31:33 Adam Yeah.

1:31:33 Adam Good on ya.

1:31:34 Drew What's up?

1:31:35 The Living End Good on ya.

1:31:37 Caller Well, I have a best friend. We've been best friends since for about a little bit over a year. And we used to live in the same town. I'm in San Antonio, Texas. And he moved to Houston, like, fall semester.

1:31:54 Drew We got 20 seconds. Here we go.

1:31:56 Caller What's the question? And he's coming in town this weekend and he's bringing Axe. And I just want to know, is he trying to sleep with me or is he opening up somehow?

1:32:06 Drew Whether he has Axe or not, that's his plan.

1:32:07 Adam Anytime a guy's coming into town, he wants to sleep with you. When he says, I'm coming into town, can I stay at your place? That's Axe.

1:32:15 Drew And I'm bringing Axe to you.

1:32:16 Adam I'm bringing Axe. Anal. That's Anal. Now it's Anal. It's been upgraded to Anal. Or downgraded, depending on which person you are. Right.

1:32:25 The Living End Why wouldn't he just want coffee?

1:32:27 Adam How come, have you had sex with him before?

1:32:30 Caller No, we dated for a week and it just wasn't our time. The most we've ever done is just kissed once.

1:32:36 Adam Okay, he likes you though. You know that, right?

1:32:38 Caller Well, he knows I care about him. No, no, no, he's into you.

1:32:42 Adam I didn't ask that. I said he's into you. He's into you. You're aware of that, right?

1:32:46 Caller I don't know.

1:32:48 Drew Well, we're telling you. Yes. Yes.

1:32:51 Adam Yeah, I mean, he wanted to keep dating you. You're the one who didn't want to keep going, right?

1:32:54 Caller No, actually, before he moved, I told him how I felt and we decided to date and it just didn't work. We both agreed and he's-

1:33:02 Adam All right, I'm bored now.

1:33:03 Drew She doesn't know it was her.

1:33:04 Adam Do the X and have the sex.

1:33:06 Drew Don't do the X, have the sex, fine.

1:33:07 Adam Okay, we'll take a break. We'll be back.

1:33:09 Caller All right guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:33:12 Caller Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:33:15 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the dateline, the dateline.

1:33:17 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:23 Caller Loveline, with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:43 Adam All right, yeah, think about that. We live in California. We got a choice between Nevada and Mexico. What can't you get done?

1:33:50 Drew That's why we get so impressed here.

1:33:52 Adam Yeah, just go to Mexico, score a few hookers and some prescription drugs, and let's go to Nevada for some gambling and more prostitution and some crank phone calls. All right, I want to thank The Living End for coming in here. Always a delight.

1:34:05 The Living End We want to thank you for opening our eyes to the world.

1:34:08 Drew We're not this road to this country.

1:34:09 Adam Modern artillery, everybody. Go get it. It is out as we speak and until, oh, Art, Art Alexakis is coming in tomorrow night from Everclear.

1:34:21 Drew And I'm going to try to get the Olsen twins up here next day or two.

1:34:23 Adam Never going to happen. So until next time, this Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew is saying mahalo. I mean, if you're out clubbing, I would go out clubbing, I would blow 20 or 30 facts.

1:34:37 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, March 2, 2004