Episode 1000592178768

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Adam Here buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's not Dr. Drew. That's Dr. Alter. Now, Dr. Alter is filling in for Dr. Drew. Dr. Alter has been on the show before, but I believe only one time, but we did have a good time with him, Dr. Alter. And that's your real name, right?

1:20 Drew It is, indeed.

1:22 Adam Dr. Alter does gender reassignment. He's one of the few guys who's board certified in urology and plastic surgery, and is whacked out as his profession, is a completely competent man, I assure you.

1:40 Drew I'm whacked out too, but that's okay.

1:42 Adam Yes, but if you got your dork caught in a tree chipper, Dr. Alter would be the guy you'd want to call.

1:52 Drew I have reattached penises before.

1:54 Adam You have? Well, we got to get into this. Dominic Monaghan is here tonight too from Lord of the Rings. Thank God, Dr. Alter just got done watching the third in the trilogy today, moments ago.

2:08 Drew Moments ago.

2:08 Adam At the Cinerama Dome, and came in here floating on air. He's not stupid.

2:17 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter He knew that he was going to be next to me, and he doesn't mess around, you know?

2:20 Adam Yeah, his only beef was not enough genital mutilation. Yeah, in the third.

2:25 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter And also he said, not enough Dom Monaghan, which is a very important comment.

2:29 Adam But he saw it now. I'm the only guy I know who's not seen it, but I feel like I need to offer up an excuse, which is I never read growing up. So I never read any of the Hobbit series or wherever the book Genesis of this was. And I read anything. And generally don't go see these types of movies. By the time everyone told me how great it was, the first one had left. Then I was willing to see the second one, but everyone yelled at me and said, you have to see the first one before you can see the second one and with the busy schedule. I want to see the third. I couldn't do that either. I had to see the first two. I worked with a whole bunch of writers over at the Jimmy Kimmel show who are crazy for Lord of the Rings. Scream at me and like I said, each time I announced, fine, let's go to the theater. So let's go see it tonight. They all screamed, no, we won't let you until you see the first two.

3:25 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, I mean, I would say go and see the extended version of The Fellowship of the Ring, which is on DVD, then the extended version of The Two Tiles, and then go to the movies and see The Return of the King. But my question would be, you don't read?

3:37 Adam No. I don't. I don't.

3:39 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You don't read? You don't go to the movies?

3:42 Adam No, I do.

3:42 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You don't write? Do you listen to music?

3:45 Adam I do. Yes.

3:46 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Do you do anything?

3:47 Adam I like music.

3:48 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Do you do stuff?

3:49 Adam Oh, yeah.

3:49 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You do things?

3:50 Adam I'm crazy with things. Yeah. I build houses, really. Oh, all right. My hobbies. I like cars and houses.

3:56 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Do you read books about building houses?

3:57 Adam No. No, I didn't learn how to read when I was young. So I got off to a shaky start and no worry. I'm fine. I'm literally a millionaire today.

4:05 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah. You read comic books?

4:07 Adam No. No, I didn't. I deemed everything that had words is just sort of bad. I believe the poisons of mine. And as a doctor, you back me up, please.

4:18 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, words are evil, man.

4:19 Adam I got turned off and I never I never read anything. I just played sports and, you know, wrenched on cars and stuff.

4:26 Drew How'd you do in school?

4:27 Adam It was horrible.

4:28 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Were you a high school jock?

4:29 Drew Like, did you have ADD? I mean, do you have some disabilities?

4:32 Adam No, just bad. Just bad. I was a horrible student.

4:35 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You were a high school jock.

4:36 Adam I was a jock. Yeah. And a horrible student. And, you know, I started carpet cleaning when I got out of high school.

4:42 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I don't know how well this is going to go because high school jocks are my school, dude. They messed me up.

4:49 Adam Did they pick on you?

4:50 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Well, I was, you know, I was the kind of, the comic book reading kind of slightly geekish kind of, you know, drama kid. And they were the guys that kicked balls at my face and stuff. Oh, really?

5:01 Adam Oh, yeah. Well, you grew up in a place where they played soccer, right? Yeah. Here we would have thrown balls at you.

5:08 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter But you call it American football, right? Whereas it should have been called something like Armand Katch.

5:11 Adam Yeah.

5:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I only only one guy can kick it. Is that right?

5:14 Adam Two guys can kick it in American football. Well, one guy can kick it at a time. I mean, yeah. Right.

5:21 Drew Well, they got punters, they got field goal kickers. Yeah.

5:24 Adam But it's only one guy is kicking it at a time.

5:27 Right.

5:27 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Right. Why don't you just call it the worst sport in the world ever in value?

5:32 No, I mean, Europe, the European.

5:34 Drew No, no, it's not.

5:36 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter It is the worst sport ever in value.

5:38 Adam Worse than soccer and cricket?

5:39 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Football is the greatest sport. It's played by the entire world, man.

5:43 Drew Cricket.

5:44 Adam Oh, cricket.

5:45 Drew Cricket.

5:46 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Cricket is fantastic. It's the worst sport.

5:48 Adam It's a game for gentlemen. I try to watch soccer like once every five years. And it's just a bunch of guys chasing a ball around. Nothing ever happens. You got to watch football, American football. Yeah. There's hitting, there's injuries.

6:00 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter There's advertisements. There's stopping the starting. You guys are going to have something every 25 seconds.

6:06 Adam But serious violence in between.

6:08 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah. But what about rugby? You get rugby is essentially American football without armor on. You guys are all pussies. You have to dress up in armor and helmets.

6:14 Adam Here's the thing. Here's the whole thing about they don't hit nearly as hard. It's rubbish. OK, now we're taking the gloves off. You guys don't have the athletes we have.

6:23 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

6:26 Adam You don't have athletes.

6:27 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I'm not. You do not have you have four hundred and ninety pound athletes.

6:31 Adam And we have we have guys who can bench press four hundred pounds and run a four, three or more steroids.

6:38 Drew And you guys, yeah, you know, we take the hormones.

6:42 Adam That's what happens.

6:43 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Seventeen turkeys.

6:44 Adam Yeah, I'm not saying I'm not saying I'm not saying it's right. But you don't have the horses. We got we got the horses over here.

6:51 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I'm not denying that America has bigger athletes. But in terms of, you know, good athletes, I'm going to England all the way. Just, you know, rugby players, they would they would kick you guys asses. That would be a good game.

7:01 Adam No, no, no.

7:03 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter No, they were sophisticated, more sophisticated. And they play with their minds more as opposed to the South Africans.

7:08 Drew The Australians kick your butts in rugby.

7:11 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter We're World Cup winners at the moment. So there's no one better than England at the moment.

7:17 Drew Years ago.

7:18 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah.

7:18 Drew I didn't read the latest.

7:19 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I live in the now.

7:20 Adam We don't we don't focus on it. If we if we did focus on it, we would dominate. We do every sport, but we don't we don't deem it a real sport. Yeah, this is what is we have the superior athletes. It's just they're busy dunking basketballs and playing football.

7:33 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter And you know, no one else plays basketball as well.

7:36 Adam Well, I know we we do get we got beat in the Olympics the last couple of years. It's crazy. Well, now they have teams from like Croatia and stuff like that.

7:47 Drew There's crazy in the gather for free here. Oh, yeah, the foreign guys know they put together Americans this and the best players frequently from the US don't even play.

7:57 Adam No, but I'm just I'm just saying that they do play. They do play basketball all over the world now.

8:03 Drew Yeah.

8:03 Adam And they're good, actually. Right.

8:05 Drew Yeah.

8:05 Adam As a matter of fact, you know, American NBA teams are filled with more and more foreign players every year.

8:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah.

8:13 Adam Quite a few, actually.

8:14 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter That's the same in the British Premier League, the soccer league. There's a lot of foreign players. But, you know, still play by the world over. Hey, you know, we don't want to start on this.

8:22 Adam No, no, we're going we're going down a bad path. I was a jock, not a bad one. I just I just played my sports and went home and I didn't get laid. So, you know, I think kind of even kind of evened out. And look at you now. You've you've taken your nerddom and spun it into a goldmine.

8:38 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Stardom.

8:38 Adam Whereas I've taken you took your nerddom and converted into stardom, where I was taking my jockdom and converted into nothingdom.

8:47 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Radio dumb, dude.

8:48 Adam Yeah, but it had nothing to do with the jock. That's just that's just serendipity. You know, you don't play with the jock pass.

8:55 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You play sports on the weekend still?

8:56 Adam It's just box. It's only.

8:58 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I'm not going to argue anymore.

8:59 Adam But but the point is, is whenever I take advantage, whatever I did in high school, whatever I did in high school, didn't carry over. And, you know, I finished playing, finished high school and start cleaning carpets. I didn't I didn't get into anything that would would have connected to the jockdump.

9:16 All right.

9:17 Adam Oh, turn the dock up. So says engineer Anderson.

9:21 All right.

9:22 Adam So here's the way the show works. We argue over international sports for about another hour and fifty one minutes. Now we take calls. We make fun of kids. Dr. Alter is board certified. And what should we focus? Should we focus more tonight on urology questions? I mean, it's your field of expertise. Plastic surgery is a field of expertise.

9:47 Drew Surgery is fine. I don't do I don't do regular urology anymore. The the only crossover I do in urology is is any kind of reconstruction of genitals or impotence work or women who have ex who have deformities in the outside of their vaginas, things like that. So reconstructive type issues of the genitals.

10:09 Adam And you've reattached.

10:11 Drew I've reattached.

10:12 Adam Penises you've lopped off yourself.

10:15 Drew No, if I lop them off, I don't reattach them. No, those are for cancer or something.

10:20 Adam Oh, I see. Well, no, you have a gender reassignment, don't you?

10:24 Drew Right. Right. But we save a good portion of that.

10:28 Adam We use a good portion of that. We use the penis to form the vagina.

10:32 Drew We use the skin to form the vagina and part of the head of the penis, we keep the nerves attached. Right. And because it's the same thing as the clitoris, so you keep the same nerves as the clitoris. So you make a little portion of the head of the penis as the clitoris.

10:46 Adam Right. So you can't throw it away.

10:49 Drew You don't want to throw it away.

10:51 Adam And when but reattaching penises.

10:54 Drew Reattaching.

10:54 Adam Maybe like two good stories.

10:56 Drew Well, I'll give you a good story. I mean, this man, a lot of them, a lot of the guys that cut their penises off, because generally it's self-inflicted, are either in a religious psychotic trance, or they're psychotic because of drugs.

11:14 Adam Right.

11:14 Drew And one particular patient was a married guy who was taking some speed. And he had a hallucination that basically, if he didn't cut his penis off, this form or vision or whatever would kill his wife and kids. So it took him a couple tries, but he did cut it off.

11:36 Adam With what? Just because I'm a knife?

11:38 Drew Just a knife. And then he cut it off, fell asleep, woke up in blood.

11:45 Adam Fell asleep.

11:45 Drew Yeah, woke up in blood. And there's the stump lying there.

11:53 Adam And the guy's no longer stoned.

11:54 Drew He's a little freaked out, right?

11:56 Adam The important thing is his wife and kids were saved, right?

11:59 Drew Well, they were saved, yes. Yeah, very nice people. And so anyhow, so he was alone at his parents place somewhere in the Central Valley or whatever. So he's looking around for some ice to put the penis in. Fortunately, he didn't find it because he would have screwed it up.

12:14 Adam Oh, putting it in ice is not the thing to do.

12:16 Drew Well, you want to put it in a bag and then put the bag on a plastic bag with the penis in it in ice and water. But you don't put the penis directly on ice or it'll get too cold.

12:29 Adam I see.

12:29 Drew It'll freeze it.

12:30 Adam Yeah, but just like if you packed your actual penis in ice.

12:32 Drew You don't want to do that.

12:33 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Could snap.

12:35 Adam Yeah, it'd crack it. Is this the same for any, you lost a finger?

12:38 Drew For fingers, same thing.

12:39 Adam Put it in a bag.

12:40 Drew You put it in a bag and then you put the bag in ice and water.

12:46 Adam Okay.

12:47 All right.

12:48 Drew So anyhow, so then he got, he got in the car and drove to the hospital.

12:51 Right.

12:52 Drew With his, you know, with his penis in the bag. Yeah, it was good going. You know, so.

12:56 Adam So he brought it in.

12:57 Drew So then obviously, you know, he's in a smaller hospital, somewhere in the San Joaquin Valley and nobody, you know, nobody wants to, nobody knows how to do it. So they started calling around, blah, blah, blah. They called UCLA, who called me and they helicoptered him in. So we got the phone call at around four by 830. I plus another plastic surgeon who does microvascular surgery. We had them in the operating room and we operated from about eight 30 at night till four a.m. in the morning. We hooked up obviously the urinary channel, the penis, couple of the arteries to the head of the penis and one artery of the penis. We hooked up the nerves and couple of the veins and we finished around four 30 in the morning and.

13:45 Adam It worked?

13:46 Drew It works.

13:47 Adam How do you, but it was upside down, right?

13:50 Drew Sideways.

13:51 Adam Do, how long before you know it's gonna take?

13:54 Drew Oh, you know if it's gonna survive within a day or two. I mean, you know, it'll peak up, pink up right after you get it in. But you don't know if he's gonna be potent, if the erections, and you don't know if he's gonna have sensation for six months or whatever. But he lost a little length, but he's getting erections and he's got sensation. And it was great, it was great, fabulous. And fabulous family. I mean, and his HMO said it was not medically indicated. How do you like that?

14:26 Adam So you mean they didn't cover it?

14:28 Drew HMO didn't want to cover it. We finally fought with them in this. It was unbelievable. That's the HMO status in the world.

14:35 Adam Now what is that, what did that run them?

14:38 Drew I don't even know. I don't even know because the hospital fees had to be outrageous. I mean, you know, I have no clue.

14:44 Adam But you do it pro boner, right?

14:46 Drew I would do it pro boner, absolutely. Pro boner.

14:50 Adam You answered me with a strange face.

14:52 Drew Well, you know, I didn't hear the R in there.

14:54 Adam You do a lot of pro boner work.

14:55 Drew Yeah.

14:56 Adam All right, let's.

14:58 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Let the party begin.

14:59 Adam Let's go to the phones and you can, we will hear the second penis reattachment. Let's see who I want to talk to. Let's just start at the top. Devon. You're 18. Hello. What's up?

15:19 Caller Nothing.

15:22 Adam All right, what's the question?

15:24 Caller I have a boyfriend. I've been dating him since last night and he joined the Air Force and yeah, basically he never wants to have sex so I sort of don't understand that.

15:41 Adam Okay, wait, has he gone away or is he in the Air Force?

15:45 Caller He already went away. He already went through boot camp and tech school and now he just, oh my God, and he's.

15:56 Adam Yeah, okay, so where's he stationed? Missouri. Okay, stop talking. He doesn't want to have sex when he's in town after being away for many weeks or months?

16:11 Caller Uh-huh.

16:13 Adam Okay, well, yes? Okay, see, everyone tells me, take the calls, take the calls, stop talking and take the God damn calls. We take the calls, this is what we get. We're having a feverish discussion about soccer versus American football or football versus American football. We had a nice penis reattachment story.

16:31 Drew And now we're us girls.

16:32 Adam We're humming along at a fever pitch, and now this.

16:35 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Maybe she's nervous.

16:36 Adam She is, and now she's more nervous. Devon? All right, so look, if you're, if he's 21.

16:44 Caller Uh-huh.

16:46 Adam And he goes away for a few months at a time and comes back and doesn't feel like having sex. You should probably break up. If you don't have any kids, you're not engaged or married, this thing just isn't really working out.

16:59 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Has he been engaged in any kind of major firefight or war type scenario?

17:04 Caller Uh-uh, no.

17:05 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Because he, you know, I was thinking maybe he was shell-shocked.

17:09 Adam Yeah, I, he just started, right? I mean, in the, in the Air Force, right? Or has he been in for a while? Okay, it's not seen action.

17:22 Drew Maybe he's got another girlfriend. Maybe he's not attracted to her anymore. Well, whatever it is, when a 21-year-old- It's not, it's not, yeah.

17:29 Adam Yeah, but he's gone anyway.

17:31 Drew Yeah.

17:31 Adam He's in Missouri, you're in Los Angeles.

17:39 Caller And I, I don't know.

17:41 Adam All right, well, how long have you two been going out? Okay, you could have a talk with him and want to know where you stand, but- Okay, okay. I'm saying break up because you're 18 and he's in Missouri.

17:59 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, that would be number one.

18:01 Adam That doesn't work, right? You're in Los Angeles. You're getting ready to go to junior college, right? He's just going to go to work?

18:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You can meet some cute guys at work, you know?

18:14 Adam Where do you work? Are you a hostess?

18:16 Caller Um, I don't work, either.

18:20 Adam You don't work? You don't go to school? OK, you're taking some time off? I don't know what you need time off from when you're 18. But you have to take some time off from doodling on a peachy folder to find yourself. All right, I know what it's like. I remember when I hit 18. I needed to pull back. I need to refocus. I need to get a new outlook on life. Cleaning carpets, beating off and yelling at my stepmom for three years made me tired. I'd really get some focus. And that's when I channeled my energy in the carpet cleaning.

18:50 Drew Well, that's, you know, you focus.

18:51 Adam She's not doing anything. He's not doing anything. He's in Missouri. That's a long ways away when you're 18.

18:57 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter He's in Missouri, dude.

18:58 Adam You just break it up. I know. And she pronounced the way she pronounces Missouri is misery, basically, where she's at. Let's talk to Rachel, who's 20 and calling from Minnesota. Rachel?

19:12 Yeah.

19:13 Adam What's up?

19:13 What's up, man? How you doing?

19:15 Adam Good.

19:16 Yeah. Well, I have a question. I met this guy about a year ago. And well, he's 40 and I'm 20.

19:25 Caller Yeah. So there's a big leap there.

19:27 But he tells me he's not a virgin. And well, I'm skeptical about that.

19:37 Adam You know, skeptical that he's he's 40 years old.

19:41 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Well, is he a Mormon?

19:44 Adam Yes.

19:45 But I mean, I mean, is it possible that he that he's lying to me or is it true?

19:49 You're a Mormon?

19:51 Adam Well, he says, wait a minute. He's he says he's a virgin and you're skeptical.

19:56 Yes.

19:58 Adam All right. I had a flip flop. Yeah.

20:00 Drew At least she's skeptical.

20:01 Yeah.

20:02 Adam You know, I mean, at 40, your penis will find a vagina in somewhere in 40 years, even if it is an accident.

20:09 Yeah.

20:10 Drew If he fell. I mean, it says you met him online. I mean, have you met him personally? Yes. You met him personally. I mean, does, I mean, maybe the guy has, he may be a virgin, the odds are against it, or he may have some congenital deformity, or he could be, right. He could be, who knows? I mean, I'll give you the most far out thing. The guy could say, maybe the guy is female to male transsexual, and I mean, that's a little far out. It's a leap of faith. It's a leap of faith. And, you know, he's, I'm a virgin, so he doesn't want to show, or he's got a congenital deformity of his penis, or whatever, you don't know.

20:48 Adam Hold on, you know, this reminds me. It's funny, because in your world, Dr. all there.

20:53 Drew That's the world. That's right.

20:54 Adam 40 to 60% of the population has had gender reassignment, right?

20:57 Drew No, no, but let's say the guy has a deformity of his penis.

21:00 Okay.

21:01 Drew So maybe he's a, maybe he is a virgin.

21:04 Right.

21:05 Drew Or maybe he's just a liar. I mean, you know.

21:07 Let's say.

21:08 Drew The odds are he's lying.

21:09 Adam But Dominic would say maybe he was injured in a cricket accident. Yeah. And I would say maybe a carpet cleaning wand caught his penis and deformed it.

21:17 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I'm kind of confused why he's saying that he's a virgin. Why is he saying that to you?

21:21 Adam Like, you don't understand. Yes, why would a guy brag about that at age 40?

21:25 Yeah, that is why I'm skeptical about it. I mean, what man in their right mind would tell anybody they're a virgin?

21:31 Adam Well, hold on. This is a reason not to be skeptical about it in a way because why would you brag about something that was embarrassing?

21:39 But I'm kind of, I mean...

21:41 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Have you fooled around? Have you done anything? Have you, like...

21:43 No. Why?

21:44 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter He's just not up for that at all?

21:46 Well, um...

21:49 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Like, does he not... He doesn't want to do that?

21:52 I think that maybe he does. But I'm, you know, I'm a virgin, too. You know?

21:58 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You mean on, like, a virgin web page?

22:02 Adam Still got that new vagina smell.

22:05 Yeah.

22:09 Adam Here's what it sounds like to me. It sounds like these are two desperate people that are clinging to each other. Okay, good, good.

22:19 Caller But the fact of the matter is, if he's lying to me about that, he's lying to me about other things.

22:22 Adam Okay, assume he lies about everything every day. Whatever he said his name is, it's not even that, okay? Here's the deal. He's 40, you met him on the internet, he's a virgin, get out of there. You don't need this.

22:37 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter If you don't want to have sex with him, then you know.

22:39 Adam Find a nice 22-year-old guy with low mileage and have a relationship. What's wrong? Is there something?

22:47 Caller If that one wants to have a relationship, let's go.

22:49 Adam Well, Rachel, what's up, you a big gal?

22:52 Caller A little, not really.

22:54 Adam I don't want to be, I don't want to sound cruel, but this is the work of a big gal.

22:57 Drew You're fat.

23:00 Adam Listen, here.

23:01 Caller Well, not necessarily fat.

23:07 Adam We talk to people from Minnesota that I'm 5'3, I'm 195, I'm about average.

23:12 Drew Yeah, I lived in Minnesota. I know.

23:13 Adam They call me Tinkerbell.

23:14 Drew Yeah.

23:15 Adam Yeah, they like a lot of- Okay, Rachel, there's nothing wrong with you. Right. You just focus on moving your life forward, whatever you're into, school, work, your hobbies, you know, get in shape, eat right, work out, and meet a nice guy who's somewhere that you work with or somewhere that you're going to school with, all right? Don't cruise the internet for weirdos.

23:37 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter For what it's worth, Rachel, you have a beautiful, beautiful voice.

23:40 Adam That's right.

23:41 Caller Oh, thank you.

23:44 Well, I just-

23:45 Adam Don't be desperate.

23:46 Caller I just also wanted to say that what he told me was that he didn't want to have sex just for the act. He wanted it to be intimate and-

23:56 Adam He's 40.

23:57 Caller Yeah.

23:58 Adam You should be done having sex by 40. You should be tired of sex. On the backside of sex, which is, I'm all humped out, baby. That's my life.

24:07 Drew I'm sorry.

24:08 Adam I've been-

24:09 Drew I'm sorry for you.

24:09 Adam I've been sexing for a good 18, no, wait a minute. Good 22, 23 years and I'm tired.

24:15 Drew You've had it.

24:16 Adam I need a break.

24:16 Drew You were tired?

24:17 Adam You want to perform some oral on me? I can talk. We can talk about that. But as far as the sex part, no. I'm tired. I'm done. Alter, I know you're in the same shape, right? You're an old man.

24:28 Drew No.

24:30 Adam No, because you're probably giving yourself testosterone injections or something, right?

24:34 Drew It's a natural thing.

24:35 Adam All right. Dr. Alter here filling in for Dr. Drew, Dominic Monaghan here. Lord of the Rings. Well, all three of them, by the way. Take a quick break. We'll be right back. Everybody. It's Loveline. That's Dr. Alter. Dr. Alter filling in for Dr. Bruce, who was filling in for Dr. Drew. And Dr. Alter is a urologist, he's a plastic surgeon, and is twice as smart, although quite demented and possibly possessed, is Dr. Drew. Dominic Monaghan is here tonight from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which is probably the biggest movie or movies ever. They're fabulous. And Dr. Alter saw the third one tonight and was blown away.

25:45 Drew Yeah.

25:46 Adam And it was just serendipity.

25:47 Drew Correct.

25:48 Adam You didn't know Dominic was coming in.

25:49 Drew Good timing.

25:50 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Very, very good timing.

25:52 Adam Yes. Yeah. And like I said, I work with guys that are pricks, quite frankly, and they're big pains in the ass, they can't agree on anything, they don't like anything, they all love Lord of the Rings.

26:06 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I was on the Jimmy Kimmel show, you know, I was on some where they were following around Spike, not Spike, Don King for a bit.

26:13 Adam Oh yeah.

26:14 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I was in the hotel like shadow boxing.

26:16 Adam When Don King co-hosted probably about five, six months ago. Yeah. Well, you should go on.

26:22 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I'd love to go on Jimmy Kimmel.

26:23 Adam Oh, you would?

26:25 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter My publicist won't let me on because they say he's a cruel, cruel man, but I say he's actually a sweetheart.

26:29 Adam Let me tell you about this cruel, cruel man. Most generous guy I've ever met and gave me the second Lord of the Rings episode. You still haven't watched it? No, I haven't because he gave me the second one, and now everyone's telling me I got to watch the first one.

26:51 Drew You have to watch the first before.

26:52 Adam So now I can't watch the second one.

26:54 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You could come around and watch the first one at my house. I might be fine.

26:57 Drew I got, you know.

26:58 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Hollywood Hills. I'm, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm.

27:04 Adam The point, you know, I'm scared to fall asleep at your house and wake up without what little penis I started with. I don't got that much. Like here's the thing, you know, when, when, when it gets lopped off and you're reattachment, you reattach it, you lose a little bit. That's what I got.

27:19 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter But do you lose it through shock? How does that work?

27:22 Drew Well, no, we, you kind of have to clean up the ends. So you have to take a little off to bring them together.

27:29 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I can do it losing a little, so I can help you out.

27:31 Adam Really? That's a good thing to say. I should have said that. All right. And your parents never did get over what you do, right?

27:41 Drew Hey, you know, I help people.

27:44 Adam No, they've disowned you, right? They're not fans.

27:50 Drew No, they actually, they really are fans, yeah.

27:52 Adam No, no, no, I'm more scared. Janice, you're 16. You have a question for Dominic?

27:59 Caller Yeah, I just wanted to know what his inspiration was for the song Maybe on Vigo's album.

28:05 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Mm. Right. Yeah, I guess I should fill people in about what that was. Vigo and myself and Elijah and Billy Boyd went into the studio with a brilliant guitarist called Buckethead. Do you know Buckethead? I had a few solo albums and we wrote the Guns and Roses for a while.

28:25 Adam Yeah.

28:25 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Fantastic. And I don't know, inspiration for Maybe probably just, the album itself was kind of caught in a semi-improvisational kind of fashion and I tended to be in the, on the mic quite a lot because apart from the guitar, I can't really play too many instruments. So we were, Buckethead tended to start a riff and then, you know, everyone else would jump in. So Buckethead was kind of riffing on this, on this kind of tune for a couple of minutes and Billy kind of came in with the bass and we started to feel where it was going and then, you know, like with the instruments as you start to feel where the song's going, you kind of know lyrically where it's going to go and it kind of just came out in nowhere.

29:11 Adam What CD is it on?

29:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter It's called Pandemonium in America. It's Vigo and Buckethead's album and we kind of, we kind of guessed.

29:18 Adam Oh, you're on a cut on that.

29:19 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, we guessed on about five tracks. Have you heard the last track?

29:24 Caller No, I haven't.

29:26 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter The last track's me and Elijah kind of doing like a pixie type strange weird song of gibberish. That's my favorite one. That's called The Halfling. That's my favorite song on that.

29:39 Adam Janice, you have this CD or did you just download a couple songs?

29:43 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Oh, is it on the net? Can you download it on the net?

29:45 Caller Yeah, a couple of places.

29:46 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter On what? On like the One Ring dot net?

29:49 Caller Oh no, on like fan sites. They have the links on their site.

29:54 Adam I just thought about The Lord of the Rings and the internet. It must be a million websites.

30:01 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter It's crazy. Did you like it? Did you like the album? Vigo's got an amazing voice. We're going to go in again this year and do another album. Really? Yeah.

30:10 Adam Can you do, thanks Janice, is that it with The Lord of the Rings? There's no fourth. There's nothing that's...

30:16 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter No, because you haven't seen the film so you don't know, but I mean it kind of ties up pretty nicely. You can't really carry on from there.

30:22 Adam Yeah, but no, you say you can't, but it does seem like... .guys falling into volcanoes and body parts coming out, and then 18 months later, the guy's back.

30:31 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Well, I'd like to think that, I think Pete, the director, would have enough integrity to not do it again. I don't think they'd allow anyone else to kind of mess around with that world apart from Pete, you know?

30:41 Adam And is there three books?

30:43 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter There's three books that were each split into three separate parts. So there was essentially nine books when they first came out.

30:49 Adam Right.

30:50 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter But then they brought them into three volumes. Yeah. Good books, man. You should so read them.

30:59 Adam Is it on cassette? They have like the Hobbit on cassette?

31:02 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah. Well, Lord of the Rings is on cassette, and Ian Holm, the guy who plays Bilbo in the film's trilogy, reads As Frodo, which is really amazing.

31:11 Adam It's like 70 cassettes?

31:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I think it's about 15 or 20 cassettes. BBC production is fantastic.

31:18 Adam I'm going to get that for Christmas. Yeah.

31:21 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I'll buy it.

31:21 Adam We're going to do...

31:22 Let's see.

31:24 Adam Go to line four and talk to Austin. It's 19.

31:27 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter My dad's called Austin.

31:28 Adam Hey. Austin?

31:29 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Hey, Austin.

31:30 Adam What's happening?

31:31 I had a question about a law that was... that's going into effect in Oklahoma for sex offenders.

31:37 They're going to get castrated.

31:39 Adam Yeah. I think they mean chemically castrated.

31:42 Oh.

31:43 Well, see the...

31:44 Drew I'm not so sure of that.

31:45 Adam Oh, you mean regular castrated?

31:47 Drew I wouldn't be surprised. It's pretty hard to control somebody chemically. Well, you can give it to them chemically, but I... I don't know for sure if this is a physical castration or not, but I wouldn't be surprised if it is.

31:58 Adam Really? Do they do...

31:59 Drew I wouldn't be surprised for sex offenders. They take their testicles off, theoretically, because it should decrease their sex drive.

32:06 Adam Yeah, but hold on. I know your socket trait is cutting sacks off, but I don't think they do this. I don't think this goes on. I think they're talking about chemical castration.

32:18 Drew Well, it may be chemical. I don't know, but I mean, I get...

32:21 Adam You got your fingers crossed for the actual knife, though, right?

32:23 Drew No, I won't do it. I get requests from people that ask. I won't do it.

32:27 Adam How much sac removal requests do you field each year?

32:32 Drew Sac or testicle removal? I get sac reduction requests.

32:36 Adam Oh, you get sac reduction? Yeah, we should talk.

32:39 Drew Oh, yeah, you got low hanging, huh?

32:41 Adam I could use a little... I could use a little tuck, a little sac tuck, just to make the penis look bigger.

32:46 Drew I would think it would be a big thing in Europe, because, you know, in Europe, they got these toilets, you know, where it's like high. So a guy could sit down if he's got really low hanging scrotum. It could like hang right on the porcelain.

32:59 Adam Oh, really?

33:00 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Old men have quite low hanging bolts.

33:02 Drew Yeah, it's an age-related function.

33:04 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I want to get a gouch extension. You know the gouch? The gap between the balls and the bum bum.

33:11 Adam Oh, yeah.

33:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter A little space in between. That's a gouch?

33:14 Adam We call it a taint.

33:15 Drew We call it a taint.

33:16 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I call it the gouch. You know, you're playing computer games or you're watching a nice movie and you kind of tickle it.

33:21 Adam So yeah, it's sort of...

33:22 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I want to get that kind of...

33:24 Adam You want it to be like a dorsal fin.

33:26 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, I want it to come out from the side of my jeans.

33:30 Drew Interesting concept.

33:33 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Can we do those?

33:34 Adam Interesting. But if there's a buck in it, you right?

33:38 You feel it, right?

33:39 Drew No, no, no.

33:40 Adam So, all right. Well, let me ask...

33:42 Drew I don't know if it's chemical or a physical castration.

33:44 Adam Let's talk about how this works for a second. Austin?

33:47 Drew Yes.

33:47 Adam Do you know if it's chemical or physical castration?

33:50 I don't know.

33:51 Caller I saw it on the news tonight.

33:54 They were talking about doing it in Oklahoma, Texas, and California. That's why I called you guys.

33:58 Adam Right, but they didn't say chemical castration?

34:01 Well, they said that they were going to do hormonal treatment on them first.

34:03 Adam All right.

34:06 Drew That's chemical. Yeah.

34:07 Adam I don't think they're going to actually...

34:10 Drew It's pretty barbaric.

34:11 Adam Here's the deal.

34:12 Caller Those guys got some balls.

34:13 Adam Let me explain the ACLU. We try to go to death row prisoners and get a little DNA from them so we can clear some files off the books and those ACLU pussies step right in and block that. You think we're going to be cutting nuts off?

34:28 Drew Listen, I'm opposed to it.

34:30 Adam Cutting the sac?

34:31 Drew Yeah, for that.

34:33 Adam But now how does the chemical castration work?

34:35 Drew Well, you give high doses of estrogens or antiandrogens.

34:41 Adam They may be injected so you know.

34:44 Drew Well, they probably would have to either inject them or take them orally, but they probably have to be very closely screened.

34:50 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, aren't there like ramifications from that? Don't you grow breasts as well? Yeah, if you if you go on, you get really moody and you say really crap things. If you go on estrogens, watch beaches and steal magnolias and stuff.

35:01 Drew Yeah, that kind of stuff.

35:03 Adam Convince my dad to kick me out of the garage and clean carpets. Horrible.

35:08 But but all right.

35:09 Adam So so you would have to get estrogen injections or estrogen by mouth.

35:15 Right.

35:16 Drew Or or there's other ways that you can give estrogens to.

35:19 Adam Would that shut you down?

35:21 Drew It could shut it could. It could shut down the most of the testosterone production.

35:27 Adam But but isn't I mean when you have a hankering for, you know, nine year old boys, isn't that a little more in your head?

35:34 Drew I'm not an expert on that. Psychiatrically, I would think so, too. OK. I I would think that it's more than just cutting the testosterone off. Right. It's there's psychological implications that go beyond the testosterone.

35:49 Adam Yeah, because guys that, you know, have hairy backs and big hands who have produced a lot of testosterone aren't going out and humping nine year old boys. They want as many cocktail waitresses as they can get in a night. I mean, I can understand, though, the notion of just shutting people down in general. So whatever their sexual proclivity was, it was now dormant. Right.

36:12 Drew I mean, they just want to cut down the little libido.

36:15 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Right. Isn't it just a threat? It's just a threat, right? I mean, they're just putting this out there so that no, no, no, they do it.

36:22 Adam They do do it. And they have done it.

36:24 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I can't believe I think.

36:25 Adam Oh, yeah.

36:25 Drew Yeah.

36:26 Adam Yeah. Well, I guess they give the guy a choice between going in the joint for 20 years and being raped or taking a few estrogen shots.

36:35 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You could make them into those little, you know, those little executive toys that businessmen have to get like six. You could make them together. That would quite be a nice business.

36:44 Adam What kind of requests you get for?

36:46 Drew I got a lot of weird stuff.

36:47 Adam Really?

36:47 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Bull necklaces.

36:50 Adam Give us a good word. People want their, they want the sack in place, but they want the testes removed?

36:56 Drew I get, I get, I mean, like, I have a folder in my, that I, internet stuff, where I get these really bizarre requests and I just put them in the wordo file. But, for example, there'd be a guy that says, you know, I really don't want to be a girl, but I want to have a penis and I want to have a vagina. Can you make me, you know, can you make me a penis in addition to my vagina? And it's like, you know, they want everything. Come on, man. I mean, you know.

37:22 Adam No, I understand.

37:23 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Have you had, have you ever had anyone who wants to have just one of his balls hanging out of his bag? You know, like, take the ball out and then stitch it up so it's just hanging outside, exterior.

37:33 Drew Where'd you come up with that one?

37:36 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I just thought, just wondering whether that's a good idea.

37:38 Drew I don't know whose word or...

37:40 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter It's either that, it's either the gouch extension or the exterior ball.

37:43 Adam Which is it going to be? Gouch or the testicle?

37:47 Drew Well, we can give you a prosthetic testicle. You can kind of put it in your pocket.

37:50 Adam Do you do the prosthetic ones?

37:52 Drew Yeah, sure.

37:52 Adam What are those made out of?

37:53 Drew They're silicone, they're silicone gel. A solid silicone gel.

37:57 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Who do you give those to, like, Olympic swimmers?

37:59 Drew No, you give it to men who have lost a testicle from either cancer. Or from a twist, because you can, you can have a twist of your testicle.

38:08 Adam It's called a torsion in the business.

38:09 Drew It's called a torsion.

38:10 Adam But what about silicone? Because, you know, they almost shut down Dow, or maybe they did because of the silicone breast implants. And if silicone is so harmful to the body, why are you putting silicone particles in there?

38:22 Drew Well, the silicone breast implants are more of a liquidy type gel.

38:25 Adam Uh-huh, this is a solid fallout.

38:26 Drew This is more solid. They make it as soft as possible without being a liquid, so that if the implant is injured, cut, whatever, it's not going to squirt out.

38:37 Adam All right. All right. Hey, good dinner talk with Dr. Alter. And the night is young because we will talk before the night is true about the whole gender reassignment, which Dr. Alter specializes in. Dominic Monaghan is here tonight from Lord of the Rings. And we got to take a break because Dr. Alter has to ask Dominic many, many, many questions about the making of the movie.

39:03 Drew Yeah, that's true.

39:05 Adam Follow him into the bathroom if you need to. Get a look.

39:08 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Have a look at my goug.

39:09 Adam Have a look. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

39:14 Loveline, we'll be right back.

39:30 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Alter filling in for Dr. Drew, who's in New York, chasing a nickel. Dr. Alter is a board-certified plastic surgeon and also board-certified urologist and probably his claim to fame as the gender reassignment. Dominic, you know, I say yes. It's better radio. Okay, whatever. Dominic Monaghan is also here. His claim to fame is the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which he's not going to argue with and.

40:03 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Actually, no, my claim to fame is meeting David Bowie last week.

40:06 Adam Oh, really? Where'd you meet him?

40:08 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter At the concert that he did at the Shrine.

40:11 Adam I would like to meet David Bowie.

40:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I really wanted to as well. And he was he was super, super cool.

40:16 Adam So did he watch Lord of the Rings?

40:18 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I think he had.

40:19 Adam Yeah.

40:19 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I mean, he was, you know, he was doing he was in a big room of kind of meet and greets after his concert. So he didn't spend too long chatting to us, but he was a total gentleman. And, you know, just being in his presence was kind of magical.

40:29 Adam Yes, quite an innovator.

40:30 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, incredible.

40:32 Adam I like the hunky Dory CD.

40:34 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Me too. That would be my favorite power.

40:35 Adam Well, you see something coming around.

40:38 Drew Yeah, guys are on the same.

40:39 Adam Now, why isn't your claim to fame a gender reassignment?

40:42 Drew Because I do a lot of other things.

40:43 Adam What do you do? What's what's a general day like for Dr. Alter?

40:47 Drew Well, I have I have a very unique practice because of my unique combination of specialties. So what I do is I see a lot of I do regular cosmetic surgery. So, in other words, it may be a breast enlargement. I mean, the routine cosmetic stuff. But a lot of my practice is various genital abnormalities, deformities, whatever.

41:10 Adam What do you what's out there on a woman that the public doesn't know about that's commonplace for you?

41:16 Drew A lot of women are very self-conscious about the appearance of their vaginas externally, especially that's why they won't let me see them. That's exactly right, especially the inner lips or the labia minora. Yes.

41:30 Adam You mean when the inner lips are coming out.

41:32 Drew Right. They hang down far. And a lot of women, to be honest, they don't want to have oral sex. They that's one reason why the lights are down and under the covers thing. And they're very self-conscious. And what I feel good about is one of my claim. The fame is that I did develop a new operation there is very different than the way it traditionally has been operated on with the way other doctors. No, I'm going to make it better.

41:59 Adam But I mean, the way our grandfathers operate on the labia is totally different. The founding fathers, when they took a knife to a labia.

42:08 Drew And they still do it. They just take the knife to the labia and they would pretty much cut it off.

42:12 Adam You developed a technique that was.

42:14 Drew Yes, that's very different. And so instead of cutting it off and leaving a raw, you know, a suture line at the edge, I'll take like a V out, a high slice out.

42:25 Adam Right.

42:25 Drew And then I'll bring the upper part and the bottom part up to end and they'll meet.

42:30 Adam Is the idea is it's just to make it smaller.

42:33 Drew No, the idea is to make it smaller so it doesn't doesn't stick out as far.

42:38 Adam What do they need to for anyway?

42:40 Drew Well, you know, you got to have you got to have symmetry. You know, you got one on each side.

42:44 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter It's a good plan.

42:45 Adam I know. I know. But you have the inner lips. You have the inner one for that's what I'm saying. You got the outer one. What do you need?

42:54 Drew It probably keeps things a little moist.

42:56 Adam And is it not in my experience? Can't you give yourself sort of like a comb over or something? I mean, can't you groom your hair in such a way where it doesn't really?

43:05 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter No, man. It's the Brazilian. We're doing the Brazilian.

43:07 Drew It's a different world now. Girls, girls shave now.

43:10 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter And the five year old girl look, you know, I don't go.

43:13 Adam Yeah, I'm not I'm not into the completely.

43:14 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, that's crazy.

43:15 Adam Shave thing either. And what about that? You must you have a nurse doing the shaving when you're working downstairs.

43:22 Drew Yeah, well, if well, a lot of a lot of the girls shaved, they do it for they they they're already shaved. But yeah, you know, if they're going to surgery, then yeah, my nurse will shave him when they're asleep, they'll shave him.

43:35 Adam And and this has not turned you off to sex with boys at all.

43:45 Drew No, I am straight.

43:46 Adam But I mean, it doesn't, I mean, it's not like the guy who gets the job at the hot dog factory sees what goes into it, sees how it smells, you know, standing in imputrious blood all day, and then it can't enjoy the Fourth of July cookout or the, I don't know, Boxer's Day, or what the hell they got over there.

44:07 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter FA Cup final, right?

44:08 Adam FA Cup, yeah. The FA Cup final. You can enjoy it.

44:10 Right. Right.

44:11 Drew I can't.

44:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter In your experience, Doc, isn't it true that that whatever most people are paranoid about isn't that much of a big deal to the rest of the people that experience it? Like the thing that we are most critical of ourselves is something that most people just don't even acknowledge.

44:29 Drew That's probably true in most cases. Everybody has has. Insecurities. I'll give you an example. This is the reason why I didn't become a plastic surgeon right out of the chute. I went into urology. It was when I was in med school and I was rotating through surgery and I was on plastic surgery and they bring us in a room and there were like five or six of us med students and there's this really attractive woman and the plastic surgeon said, OK, look at her. She has a complaint. She has a problem. Tell me what it is. And we're all looking at her, you know, at her face and we can't figure out. She's pretty hot. You know, we don't want to take her out. And she goes and so so he says, OK, why don't you tell them? So she says, well, you see here, there's a little extra fold here of my of my eyelid that isn't on the other side. And it's like nobody would notice. Nobody cares. And so what happens is we tend to obviously think that people are looking at us because we get so insecure about certain aspects of our lives. And most of the time, it's ridiculous.

45:36 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Well, and we examine ourselves so much more than anyone else.

45:39 Drew Absolutely.

45:40 Adam Does it does?

45:40 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I do.

45:41 Adam Does it go away, though? I mean, here's the it seems slippery, sloppish to me.

45:46 Drew It is.

45:46 Adam That same person is never going to look in the mirror and feel completely whole and always have a or she may be away from something.

45:54 Drew She may redirect her insecurities to some other aspect.

45:57 Adam Right. Listen, I like a woman who doesn't feel too good about herself. I like that.

46:02 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter In insecurities and scars and all that kind of thing and what makes the girl, right?

46:06 Adam It is. Yeah, it's nice.

46:07 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Or the boy.

46:08 Adam Yeah, and it's like, you know, it's like when you go, you know, you can get a you can go to the appliance section and get a washing machine with a little dent in the side of it at half the price. You don't even see the dent, but they're selling it at half the price because technically it's a good deal. Took out a ding getting off the truck. That's what you look for. You see what I'm saying?

46:26 Drew I got your point.

46:27 Adam All right. Dr. Alter here, Dominic Monaghan here from Lord of the Rings. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That is not Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew's in New York. Dr. Alter is here, the king of gender reassignment, although he doesn't like to be called that. Also Dominic Monaghan. Sorry, Monaghan is here tonight from Lord of the Rings, the trilogy which this movie, now we're talking, I think, off the air before the show, but the movie's like made, they've all made $500 million?

47:26 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, we've made, I think, the movie's made over $2 billion now. The movies.

47:33 Adam So, I mean, you've got to figure, I mean, in order to make $2 billion, you have to have people seeing it, some people have seen it 50 times, right?

47:44 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, I mean, I would think the fans out there, the people who would call themselves Lord of the Rings fans, would see the movie at the cinema at least three times. It's that type of movie.

47:56 Adam It's an interesting concept, which is, you know, when you're making a movie, the best you can hope for is a certain small percentage of the population go to see your movie one time. And that's how most movies are, just because of the content of the movie. But it's interesting if you pick a genre or a topic where you can get repeat offenders. I mean, you get, I mean, so much of this business just, there's probably just, the average Lord of the Ring fan has probably seen it 4.62 times or something like that. And they pay every time.

48:30 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I would agree with that. I mean, I get letters of people who say that, you know, every Saturday night, they watch the Fellowship of the Ring Extended Cut, they watch The Two Towers, and then since The Return of the King's Been Out, they've gone to the cinema and seen it again. So they say they do that every weekend since it's come out, which would mean they've seen Return of the King, you know, 10 or 11 times. I mean, it's a good movie. I don't know if it's...

48:55 Drew Yeah, no, it's a great movie, but come on.

48:57 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Go and get yourself a girlfriend.

48:59 Drew Yeah, give a life.

49:00 Adam Oh, a 11...

49:02 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Or a boyfriend.

49:03 Adam Nominations, by the way. No movie's gotten high. What's second, six nominations?

49:09 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter No, no, I mean, I think Titanic...

49:12 Adam I mean, this season, this year.

49:13 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Oh, right, no, I think we got the most this year, yeah.

49:15 Adam Yeah, you got 11, I don't, you know, maybe, I don't know, Mystic River got six or something. I don't know what the second is. I don't even know if there's one that's up at eight.

49:23 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I don't know, I think some thing is around about five, maybe 21 grams, maybe Cold Mountain, maybe Mystic River, I don't know.

49:31 Adam This year, it's the greatest group of good movies that I'm not seeing. Like, everyone's like, you gotta see Mystic River. And I'm like, I know, but I don't want to. And you get 21 grams, great, I know I don't want to see it though, like, there's all these really monster, there's all these really good movies that it's like, I know they're good movies, I'm gonna get depressed, I don't wanna, I talk to f'd up kids and guys who cut penises off all night, I don't wanna.

50:01 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter But wait, wait, have you seen Finding Nemo?

50:04 Adam Yes.

50:05 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter All right, well there you go.

50:06 Adam I did, I did. I did, it was good, but it's just because my nephews were staying over and I'm showing them the DVD. I didn't, I should have seen it in the theater. But no, I just mean, there seems to be more movies out this year that are, people agree like, like Cold Mountain or 21 Grams or whatever. People are monster. The people agree are quality films that I just don't feel like seeing. Do you know what I'm saying?

50:31 Drew If I know exactly what you're saying.

50:34 Adam And I feel like an a-hole cause I, I'm sure they are good films. And, and I've, I've missed five or eight of, you know, what the cooler, there's another movie. I'm not saying it's supposed to be very good.

50:45 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah. I'm sure I would like it.

50:47 Adam I just decided I wasn't going to see it. And then it didn't work that way.

50:52 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I think kind of, you know, the, the, the quality, what, what's happened now with the audience is that the audience has slowly become more and more sophisticated. And not only have movies got longer and longer, but the, you know, the audience is now expecting more. And, and if you're talking about Lord of the Rings, I mean, Pete Jackson has now raised the bar, not only for the, for what you expect from a film, but also the special effects and the costume and, and, you know, the, you know, everything about that world, that he's just pushed it to another level. I think if you want to step up and compete with, you know, as a, I mean, I'm a fan of the movies as well, which is a trilogy of movies, which I think stand alongside some of the greatest films ever made, then you have to be bringing something to the table that is unique and different and you can't just be making, you know, trash and expect it to be, you know, cleaned up at the Oscars.

51:44 Adam No, well, you don't get 11 nominations by pumping out garbage.

51:48 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter No, you put Dom Monaghan in the film. Did I say that? Did I just say that at 5 past 11?

51:54 Adam Danielle? You're 13? You masturbated and blood came out?

52:05 Caller I hit puberty probably 4 to 5 years ago.

52:12 Adam Seems young. You mean 8 or 9?

52:14 Caller I'm almost 14 now.

52:17 Adam What year did girls hit puberty these days? Is it getting young?

52:21 Is it, you know, till 13? And I had, this is not the first time I had done this.

52:30 Caller This is the first time this has happened, though. And it frightened me.

52:35 All right.

52:36 Adam Well, what should you do, Doc?

52:38 Drew Well, I don't, I mean, have you been to a gynecologist ever?

52:44 No. Never.

52:46 Adam Well, maybe you should. I mean, when women get, hold on a second. I mean, I'm not a doctor, but I've become one from sitting next to Dr. Drew for 9 years. And he always says that when women get stimulated sexually, there can be some bleeding. Some women do a little bleeding.

53:04 Drew It also depends. I mean, if she's a virgin still and she may, I don't know how she's masturbating, if she tore her hymen a little bit, that could cause bleeding. I mean, who knows what she's doing, but it's, if she's concerned about it, she should mention it to her parents. Just say she had a little bleeding and then go see the gynecologist and just make sure it's checked out. I mean, the odds of it being anything serious are miniscule, but rare things happen.

53:28 Adam They have a pediatric gynecologist.

53:31 Drew I think she qualifies for a really.

53:33 Adam But when you're like in med school and the guys, like they're going like, who wants to get new pediatric gynecology and some guy's hand goes out that. Don't you kind of make fun of that?

53:44 Drew Well, you know, what actually happens is, you don't hang out with that guy, do you? Surprisingly, a lot of the pediatric gynecological issues are handled by a urologist. Because a lot of the abnormalities of the vagina are associated with urinary issues and a lot of pediatric urologists handle a lot of the reconstructive aspects.

54:04 Adam Yeah. It just sounds bizarre that you're in a first... You're looking at nine-year-old vagina your whole day.

54:13 Drew Well, no, I mean, that's pretty rare stuff. Really? You don't see that many problems of pediatric, you know, female genital problems.

54:24 Adam No.

54:24 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter But do they want to? Yeah.

54:26 Drew You see more.

54:27 Adam They sit home.

54:28 Drew You see more a little...

54:28 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter When's the nine-year-old coming in?

54:30 Adam The phone rings, hello?

54:34 Drew You're seven?

54:35 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yes, you can come in tomorrow morning.

54:37 Adam My daughter was stuck.

54:38 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I have a window.

54:38 Adam Stuck a crayon in her eye. Take her pants off.

54:42 Is that what it's like?

54:48 Adam Listen, you asked for it with your kooky job. Your parents, seriously, they're pissed, right? No. All that money for medical school. No, really?

54:57 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter They're good. They're good.

54:59 Adam No, listen.

55:00 Drew No, they're cool. They're cool.

55:01 Adam When was your last gender reassignment operation?

55:04 Drew Yesterday.

55:07 Adam He doesn't want to be known as the king of gender reassignment.

55:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter But he's come straight from a c**t transplant.

55:14 Adam Yeah. Who did you do yesterday? It's always male to female generally. That's 90%, right? 90% because there's a woman trapped inside them, yes? Yes.

55:26 Caller Yes.

55:26 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter They're trapped. Yes. Why is it not 50-50? Why is it not?

55:29 Drew For some reason, there are more male to female transsexuals and female to male. But surgery-wise, it is much easier to do male to female than female to male just from the aspect of it's very hard to build a penis. And you can give really good cosmetic result in a good functioning vagina.

55:50 Adam Oh, really?

55:51 Drew Oh, yeah.

55:57 Adam The sensation and orgasm from the horseshoe? Here's what I'm saying. In the automotive industry. Well, there you go. Just listen. When a used car was salvaged, meaning it went into a lake, it was stolen and stripped, by law, they have to tell you on the pink, you know, they can't, I can't sell it to you. I have to tell you it was salvaged. That's a law. No laws like that.

56:21 Drew When you turn a dude into a chick, well, that's an interesting issue that you bring up because it's an interesting issue because I have talked to a, I mean, it's a real problem for the transsexual patient because, you know, some of them do look very feminine and it, and some of them, it is very difficult to tell both by looking at them with clothes on and even without clothes. So the point comes in a relationship where this person, where the woman starts to date and does she, when does she and does she, okay?

56:55 Adam That's your job.

56:56 Drew No, it's not my job. No, it's not my job.

56:59 Adam As a used car dealer.

57:00 Drew No, I'll put a sign on you.

57:03 Adam You have to be upfront with the guy. It's like if someone commits suicide in the house and you're selling the house, you gotta, you gotta be upfront with the realtor. You gotta tell him that somebody committed suicide in here. You need a placard or something that you put on the navel that says salvage vagina. This used to be a dude. I mean, I would sue you. If I hump it, I would go right after you.

57:29 Drew You know what's a very interesting?

57:30 Adam Therapy and more therapy.

57:33 Drew Adam, let me put it. I would go right after you.

57:36 Adam I would close you down.

57:38 Drew Most of my patients who are transsexuals, I meet them as they're already dressed as females. I cannot even envision them as a man.

57:48 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Oh, really?

57:48 Drew No, I can't.

57:49 Adam Right.

57:50 Drew And to me-

57:50 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Adam's apple.

57:51 Adam How about when you're staring at their penis?

57:52 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Adam's apple. You can take care of the Adam's apple because I went to Thailand and there's a transsexual kind of vibe going on in Thailand.

58:00 Drew Very large.

58:01 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter And the rule of thumb with my friends and I, Adam's apple. Well, if they have an Adam's apple, just walk away.

58:08 Adam Not if Alter has his way.

58:08 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Buy them a drink, be a gentleman, walk away.

58:10 Adam You'd be right on top of some dude if Alter has his way. What do you do with the Adam's apple? And by the way, when you're staring at the guy with the eye shadow and the penis, you do think he's a guy at that point, right? When you're staring at the actual shot.

58:23 Drew Well, I'm not sitting there staring at him.

58:25 Adam Oh, you're not?

58:26 Drew I mean, I examine him prior to surgery.

58:27 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter That's the luxury of your job, isn't it?

58:29 Drew I examine him prior to surgery to make sure that everything's intact and we can make an adequate...

58:35 Adam What do you do with the Adam's apple? You shave it?

58:37 Drew I don't do the operation, but I refer them to friends of mine, and what they do is they remove part of the cartilage so that it gets lower.

58:45 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter They flick it in.

58:47 Adam Can I see it? I mean, here's... I'm looking for signs right now.

58:51 Drew You can look for a scar, but it's hard to see most of the time.

58:54 Adam It'd be an interesting thing for a hot chick to do to get guys to leave her alone, which is just stick just a little keloid scar, just a little stick on right there, put a little smudge, a little makeup on it and have every guy at the bar freaked out.

59:07 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter That'd be good reality TV there. You know, you could have a house with one girl and then one transsexual, the others are girls. No, one guy, I guess. And you could work out which one is the transsexual.

59:17 Drew You know, I mean, all kidding aside...

59:19 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You win a pair of cock and bull.

59:21 Drew I'm not kidding. I know you're not kidding.

59:23 Adam You need to tell these guys.

59:24 Drew I mean, listen...

59:25 Adam Do they go... Do they have heterosexual relationships for the most part?

59:30 Drew For the most part, but not all of them.

59:32 Adam Some of them...

59:33 Drew Some of them are... Okay, you can have a straight transsexual or you can have a gay transsexual. And let me tell you the difference. If you're a male to female...

59:41 Caller Right, right.

59:42 Drew So you become a female...

59:44 Adam You become a female.

59:45 Drew Then to be a straight, then you would like guys.

59:48 Caller Right.

59:49 Drew But if you're a male to female and like females...

59:52 Caller Right.

59:52 Drew Then you're gay.

59:53 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You're a lesbian.

59:54 Drew But interestingly, many of them get past that whole gender issue.

59:59 Caller Yeah.

1:00:00 Drew And what they're looking for is a relationship with somebody that they can relate to. And it doesn't really matter to them, to some of them, whether or not they're male or female.

1:00:10 Adam And when what now? Would you in your own personal life have any difficulty dating somebody who'd stepped across the threshold of sanity and became a...

1:00:21 Drew It's not an issue of sanity. It's unfortunate. It is. It's an unfortunate medical situation and it's what they go through in their life, nobody should ever have to go through.

1:00:36 Adam I mean, you got a female trapped inside your body. It's no different than a parasite or anything or anything else getting inside your body. It's like swallowing a nickel. It's just a female. I know. I know. I got Napoleon trapped inside of me. You want to let him out? Let him out. Napoleon, he's in me. I'm not nuts. I'm not nuts?

1:00:55 Drew Well, I'll put it on the Adam.

1:01:00 Adam Tiny one. Please.

1:01:01 Drew You don't know for sure.

1:01:02 Adam But the point is, the point is, is would you date somebody who'd made the transition? Uh-huh. The highest. I asked you tough questions.

1:01:12 Drew You do ask the tough questions.

1:01:13 Adam Thank you. Would you do it?

1:01:15 Drew Can I do a no comment?

1:01:16 Adam Would you have a problem?

1:01:17 Drew Can I do a no comment?

1:01:18 Adam You could, but that means no.

1:01:20 Drew No, it doesn't mean either way.

1:01:21 Adam I mean, it would freak you out. Even, even the very liberal Dr. Alter would be freaked out by this. This is why, again, you have to put the placard on there. This is a salvage vagina. Let's go back to the phones. I give Dr. Alter a fair amount of crap, and he's a good sport for a hangout. And as, like I said, as kookies, I might make his profession out to be. He's, in Drew's own words, a genius. The idea that you can have boards in two separate categories is really impressive.

1:01:58 Drew It's a lot of work.

1:01:59 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter And his book's fantastic. I've been reading it in my downtime.

1:02:02 Adam You can't put it down.

1:02:03 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter It's incredible.

1:02:04 Adam Except for to vomit, but then you pick it right back up again. Yeah, it's got all kinds of stuff that look like M80s went off in vaginas. All right. Let's see. I got a question for Dominic. Samantha? You're 16? What's up?

1:02:22 Caller Well, I had a question for Dom.

1:02:26 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Hi. How are you?

1:02:27 Caller Hi. Well, first, my friends are making me do this. They just please wanted you to give a shout out to the sexy little girls in the fandom chat.

1:02:36 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I'm English, so I have no idea what a shout out is. There's some American phenomenon. Say hi to who? Oh, say hi to who?

1:02:42 Adam It's anal sex.

1:02:44 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter What are their names again?

1:02:46 Caller Everybody in the fandom chat from Smexula.

1:02:49 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Oh, is this like an internet site?

1:02:52 Adam By the way, hold on. Doesn't it sort of cramp on the notion of the shout out when you repeat for the third time what the shout out is?

1:03:00 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm not good at this thing.

1:03:03 Adam It's like the autograph where they go right to my best friend.

1:03:07 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter What's your name again? Can you spell that with a K? All right. Tell me one more time their name. See, that's four now.

1:03:15 Caller It's the Sexula Girls.

1:03:16 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter The Sexula Girls?

1:03:19 Caller Sexula. Somebody made a typo Sexula Girls. Instead of writing sexual, they wrote sexula and it sucks.

1:03:26 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter All right. Well, well, hi. How are you doing to the Sexula Girls?

1:03:31 Adam Oh, man, that's kind of... It's not satisfying.

1:03:33 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Isn't that just...

1:03:34 It's not just the peak.

1:03:35 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter That's just the peak of your lifetime, right?

1:03:39 Drew She's probably one of the ones that go every week to see Lord of the Rings.

1:03:42 Adam How many times have you seen the movie, Samantha?

1:03:45 Caller Well, I saw Fellowship in the theaters twice, and Two Towers twice, and Return of the King only once, because I don't have any money.

1:03:53 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter That's okay.

1:03:55 Adam Yeah, 16.

1:03:56 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Aren't I good in it? Aren't I really, really good?

1:03:59 Caller Of course.

1:04:00 Adam Did you have a question for Dom?

1:04:05 Caller I heard about the script that you were writing with Billy.

1:04:08 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Right.

1:04:09 Caller I was just wondering where it is right now, if it's going to be made into the movie.

1:04:13 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah. Well, I mean, it's in two separate computers. It's in my computer and in Billy's computer. What we're doing at the moment is, I don't know if people do this, but we separated it into three separate parts. Billy takes hold of two-thirds and I take hold of a third and we swap it month to month. So on any given month, I may have two-thirds and he'll have a third. You know, we're just in the process of trying to get it to a point where we want to show it to people. You know, we're both huge fans of comedy. It's probably my favorite medium of film and I think making it a funny film is one of the hardest things to do and is also kind of semi-poo-pooed by the people in the film industry.

1:04:58 Adam So really?

1:04:58 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, I think so. I think comedy is kind of belittled. Well, it's never up for an Oscar, you know? It's never up for a Golden Globe.

1:05:05 Adam Yeah, I mean, the farcical stuff rarely is, but you get your Manhattan's in your ante holes.

1:05:12 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Well, yeah, you sophisticated Woody Allen scripts, but, you know, I would argue that you know, Life of Brian, This is Spinal Tap, Dumb and Dumber. These kind of movies were fantastic, enjoyable movies that everyone went to see and were really into. And the fact that they don't get acknowledged at these big award shows is kind of...

1:05:31 Adam There's a snobbery that goes on because it's a good argument. Something like Spinal Tap. Superb. I mean, it's a great movie. And I make the same argument with things in the action genre, like Terminator 2 or Terminator 1. I mean, I mean, you know, T2, whether you want to talk cinematography or stunts or special effects or story or whatever it is, you're you're looking at the the sum of the entire movie when you put something up for best picture. Why something like that was as ambitious, if not more than any other film that came out that year and arguably more enjoyable. Why is it not in that category?

1:06:14 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Is it? There's some I would agree there's some amount of snobbery with something that isn't necessarily coming from a script that seems to be, you know, a great quality piece of work. I mean, I don't understand it either. But you know, my my kind of my deal with comedy is that I'm not going to put something out there unless it's something which I think is a sophisticated piece of work, because, you know, I want to continue working in in most aspects of work, but I also know I would hate hate to make a bad comedy film because it's probably my favorite, my favorite genre.

1:06:47 Adam So Mike, yeah, you're twenty four. I got a question for the doctor about penis enlargement.

1:06:56 I do.

1:06:57 Adam What about it, Doc?

1:06:58 Well, like, basically, what are the the dangers is what I wanted to know.

1:07:05 Adam Well, let's talk about the different procedures. What about the pills you hear about?

1:07:09 Drew Forget about it. It's a scam.

1:07:12 Adam Yeah, it's no, no, no, no free lunch.

1:07:14 Drew No free lunch.

1:07:15 Adam No pills. Good for growing your boobs, growing your penis, melting off the weight. I mean, there's just no free lunch in nature, right?

1:07:23 Drew You know, the fact they give you a money back guarantee is a bigger scam because nobody asks for $39 back. I mean, so they figure they got you, you know? So, no, the pills are just a scam in terms of you have to divide penis enlargement into two aspects, either lengthening and girth enlargement. Now, if you talk, there's so much misinformation, so much to see with penis enlargement surgeries. And, and there, so let's start with the, with the lengthening aspect. The operation that's done for lengthening is really just release of the suspensory ligament, which is a ligament that goes from your pubic bone to the penis. So the purpose of that ligament is to give a little support to the penis, but it's not a big deal.

1:08:09 Adam When it's a wreck.

1:08:10 Drew When it's a wreck, but you cut the ligament, you don't instantly get gain. All you're doing is you're cutting the ligament so that the guy can get gain, more gain by stretching his penis with weights. Now in the Kama Sutra and these tries in New Guinea, they've been stretching their penis by wearing weights or stretching devices for a thousand years or so. So finally figured out, oh my gosh, you can stretch your penis by wearing weights. So the only reason for cutting the ligament.

1:08:37 Adam What about the vacuum? What about cutting the ligament and vacuum?

1:08:41 Drew The vacuum can get some length too. Also what it does too is it sucks in fluid. So it gives a kind of a, I don't know, a bloated effect to the penis. So kind of the skin and the tissues get kind of thicker. They don't feel really normal if you use it a lot. So the penis can get larger with that. Now, but the purpose of cutting the ligament is just so that you wear the weights, you're getting more of the penis that can be stretched.

1:09:07 Adam What size weights?

1:09:09 Drew I mean, there's companies that make 20 ways. Yeah, three, four or five pounds. And the guy wears it for 15 minutes, five, 10, 15 minutes, once or twice a day. And then over a period of time, you wear these weights long enough. In most cases, you'll get some length gain.

1:09:25 Adam How much?

1:09:27 Drew It's a function frequently of how big you start with because if a guy is bigger to start with, he's got more that can be stretched. So he's going to get more of a gain. So if a guy, the guy that needs it the most, the guy with the small penis, he's going to get the least gain.

1:09:41 Adam I always sort of just likened it to taking a mailbox on a post and sort of you're not lengthening the post, you're pulling it out of the ground a little bit, but then a good wind will knock it over. Like you're compromising its integrity a little bit.

1:09:59 Drew No, not really.

1:10:01 Adam You're crapping on my mailbox analogy.

1:10:03 Drew Well, I'm sorry about your mailbox. There's still good support.

1:10:07 Adam There's good support.

1:10:08 Drew Right. And...

1:10:09 Adam What do you have? Why the hell did God put these ligaments on your penis? To humble you? If you don't need them, I mean, if you got good support, what do you need them for?

1:10:18 Drew Well, as long as the doctor doesn't get carried away and cut more of the support than he's supposed to, you're okay.

1:10:25 Adam So he leaves enough in there so that you can have an erection.

1:10:29 Drew And it'll still, you know, you may lose a little bit of the elevation when you get hard, but you don't lose the support. So that's the length thing. So you see these ads where the guy goes, oh, come to us for penis lengthening, and you're going to get two inches. It's bogus. It's... Sorry about that. But it really gets...

1:10:52 Adam I can see your passion.

1:10:53 Drew Well, because there's a lot of deception.

1:10:55 Adam They're cutting in your business, are they not?

1:10:57 Drew No, it's not cutting me because I don't do much of that, but I get very upset when there's deceptive advertising and medicine, okay?

1:11:05 Adam Well, and plus, too, when you advertise saying a guy's going to have a... get some penis length or some girth and it's some pills and it's money. You know these guys aren't going to start pounding on a drum and getting calling Ralph Nader's office and saying, I tried because I have normally small penis. You're taking a victim, you're taking sort of a quiet victim here and you're taking advantage of them.

1:11:30 Drew That's right. And then you start talking, and then you got the other aspect in terms of the girth or the thickening.

1:11:37 Adam Well, hold on, hold on one second because we got to take a break and breaking it off into the girth versus the length, that's a good place to stop. Yeah. So we're going to come back. So the pills don't work.

1:11:48 Drew Pills don't work.

1:11:50 Adam The lengthening works to some degree.

1:11:52 Drew If you're committed over a long period of time to wearing devices, it'll stretch your penis.

1:11:58 Adam Cut the ligament, stretch the penis and stick with it. Stick with it. You have that focus. All right, we're going to come back. We'll speak about Girth after this.

1:12:25 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter 1-800-LOVE-191 Hey, buddy, it's Loveline.

1:12:27 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Alter filling in for Dr. Drew. Dominic Monaghan is here tonight from the biggest movies ever, Lord of the Rings. When we left off, we were discussing penis enlargement. Dr. Alter's an expert in all things that start with a P. And that's what we really should say on your card. Sorry. Man. Dr. Alter decided that the pills do nothing to enlarge the penis. That the surgery works a little on the length, but it's a procedure and you gotta stick with it. Gotta go with the weights. And now we're to girth.

1:13:12 Drew Okay, so girth, there's various different procedures that are done to increase the thickness. The first thing that was done was injecting fat. So in other words, you suck fat from another part of your body and then you inject it in the penis. Now that creates a lot of problems.

1:13:27 Adam Yeah, that was just seemed like it was in vogue about nine or 10 years ago.

1:13:31 Drew Right, but what happened with that is a lot of the fat would disappear or it would get lumpy and it would get kind of deforming. Now there are guys that have had it done that are happy with it.

1:13:43 Adam I hear your penis would taste like a pork chop. Is this true?

1:13:47 Drew Not if you're Jewish.

1:13:48 Adam Nothing to that, oh yeah.

1:13:49 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Like a pink hot dog?

1:13:51 Drew You don't want that.

1:13:52 Adam All right, so fat, no good.

1:13:55 Drew So then another operation was where you take strips of skin and fat that's removed for another part of your body.

1:14:01 Adam Like where?

1:14:02 Drew Like from the fold of your buttocks or from your lower abdomen or something. And you take the skin and fat and then you kind of thread it in underneath the skin between the erection chambers and the skin.

1:14:13 Adam Uh-huh, you go underneath.

1:14:14 Drew Underneath the skin.

1:14:15 Adam So it doesn't have that pig in a blanket look.

1:14:17 Drew That's correct. That's correct. And that gives a better texture and that works well most of the time. However, when it doesn't work well, it can be a disaster. I used to do that operation. I no longer do it because I had a couple problems and I have done many, many, many, many repairs of other doctors.

1:14:40 Adam Other people's work?

1:14:41 Drew Yeah, of that. Because what can happen.

1:14:44 Adam You talk a lot of smack about those guys when they come in, right?

1:14:47 Drew No, I don't talk smack.

1:14:48 Adam Like a mechanic where they go, oh jeez, what hack worked on, the guy should have his arms cut off. Who worked on this? This is a disaster. I have to mop up.

1:14:57 Drew Yeah, I know how it goes. So if that, for example, those strips of skin and fat don't survive well, they become very hard and what they can do is they can cause curvature of the penis.

1:15:07 Adam Mm-hmm, Peronies we call that in the business.

1:15:09 Drew Well, it's not Peronies per se. Don't argue with me. Okay, sorry, Adam, you are the host. All right, yes. So anyway.

1:15:14 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter They didn't only call it the Bendy Wendy.

1:15:16 Adam Really? All right, so it's the Bendy Wendy. So what else? What's the next fat?

1:15:20 Drew And then, so to get away from that, then another thing is you can take cadaver skin that's purified and all the cells are removed and you layer that and you put that in under the skin and that gets some thickness and that is fraught with less complications.

1:15:42 Adam So the people with the sticker on their license, the donor stickers.

1:15:47 Drew Yeah, that can go to some people.

1:15:51 Adam That's what I love.

1:15:52 Drew Yeah, you love that one.

1:15:53 Adam You're at the DMV, they ask you, you wanna check that box, it's gonna say donor on your driver's license. You picture yourself giving some, a nine-year-old orphan a second lease on life by taming your liver after you're getting a horrible motorcycle accident. Turns out it's some guy who's having a mid-life crisis. It's an Arab guy from Beverly Hills who's just sucked his third wife dry and wants a little extra girth on the dork. That's where your precious cells are going toward, yes?

1:16:23 Drew Potentially, I guess I could have.

1:16:25 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I'm all for that, man. I carry the donor.

1:16:28 Adam I'm a donor too, but like I said, I pictured giving my corneas to a young child so that they could see the world I just left. Not wrapped duct tape around some guy's dick. This is disgusting. You disgust me, Alter.

1:16:45 Caller I don't do that.

1:16:48 Adam And then another Feasting on cadavers. Right.

1:16:51 Drew And then another operation that can be done, which is being done, is more physiologic, but it's more invasive in that you make an incision along the entire erection chamber on both sides and you lay in some of that cadaver so that you actually make the erection chambers larger. That type of procedure is done on guys who have bent penises. But I hesitate to do it on guys who just want enlargement because if you do get a complication, you're taking a man who has a normal function and potentially make him non-functional if a complication occurs.

1:17:29 Adam Well, good answer.

1:17:30 Drew There's no easy way.

1:17:32 Adam Right. We'll take a call. Then I want to ask you about Viagra and Cybrexa or Salis or whatever.

1:17:42 Drew Levitra and all that.

1:17:43 Adam Levitra. Yes. All these new forms of drugs for erections. Drew frowns, by the way, on the recreational use of such drugs. But I say this is why God put them out. I mean, eventually, healthy people want to get hold of a nice quail lute and a little Viagra every once in a while. Nothing wrong with that.

1:18:05 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I take in Viagra.

1:18:06 Adam Well, yeah, I did it. How did it do for you?

1:18:08 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter It worked.

1:18:09 Adam It worked. Well, we should talk about it now. It gave you a nice boner. But you didn't have a problem in that department.

1:18:17 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I didn't. But I was in a situation where I generally wouldn't have had a boner. Just watching a movie.

1:18:24 Adam Piano recital. Watch a movie. But it wasn't the Thai trip that we were talking about earlier?

1:18:32 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter No. It was with a friend of mine. We were watching a film. He was with his girlfriend, which turned out to be very annoying because we all took Viagra. Him and his girlfriend got turned on. Really? I was made to leave the room limping. But it did work. It definitely did work.

1:18:51 Adam Yeah. I don't want to tell you how to take Viagra, but it's important to have a usable vagina somewhere on the premises. It just would make sense. Is the jury still out on recreational use of these kinds of drugs?

1:19:10 Drew Well, I don't know what you mean by the jury. I mean, it's quite obvious that it's being used widely as a recreational use.

1:19:17 Adam I guess what I'm saying is, is do you anticipate trouble 20 years from now for the people who may have used it recreationally? No. No. No. You not again subscribe to the sort of no free lunch or sort of monkeying with nature a little bit?

1:19:34 Drew It's quite amazing because I know the guys that did the research on it.

1:19:38 Adam You do?

1:19:38 Drew Yeah. And I kind of was around. I was around when all this stuff started coming out.

1:19:45 Adam Imagine you hear everything first, right?

1:19:47 Drew And I was a big skeptic. I said, you know, I mean, how are you going to take a pill by mouth that's going to work down there?

1:19:53 Adam Right.

1:19:53 Drew OK. I mean, how can it be so selective that it's going to affect it? But it's amazing that, you know, the rhinoceros is almost extinct because the Chinese need rhinoceros. They think a rhinoceros horn is going to make them potent.

1:20:09 Adam Right.

1:20:09 Drew OK.

1:20:10 Adam We can't judge other cultures.

1:20:11 Drew No, we don't want to do that.

1:20:12 Adam We cannot judge. They have just as much right to that horn as the rhinoceros does. We can't judge any culture. Go ahead. Our genital mutilation in the Middle East or in Africa, we cannot judge. We can't judge. You're wrong.

1:20:26 Drew I can judge that one.

1:20:27 Adam You want to catch a shark, you want to cut the fin off and throw the shark back in the water.

1:20:32 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter They take the tiger penis as well, right?

1:20:35 Drew I don't know.

1:20:36 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Crazy bastards.

1:20:37 Adam They take the bear. They got like a bear pancreas or something.

1:20:40 Drew Yeah, there's a lot of weird stuff.

1:20:42 Adam Here's the point. All cultures are exactly the same and we cannot judge. We cannot judge. Those are all beautiful cultures. Rich.

1:20:50 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, you got you guys have American football. Those guys take rhinoceros.

1:20:54 Adam Right.

1:20:54 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You want you want it for time.

1:20:55 Adam So you want to hack off someone's clitoris. We cannot judge. But but anyway, this is saving actually works.

1:21:03 Drew It's saving the rhino. So you can look at Viagra and see Alice is saving the rhino.

1:21:07 Adam Right. All right.

1:21:08 Drew And so from that standpoint, that is a good thing.

1:21:11 Adam And no long term.

1:21:12 Drew Not as far as anybody knows. And and there was a concern that that if you took it, that eventually you'd build up some kind of a resistance to it or where you'd have to take more every time.

1:21:25 Adam Right.

1:21:26 Drew But that hasn't been shown to be true.

1:21:29 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Like antibiotics, right?

1:21:30 Drew No, no, it's kind of different antibiotics. You select out of different bacterias. But what I'm saying is there are certain drugs that you have to you take it. And after a certain period of time, you have to take more and more and more for it to be effective. But that hasn't been shown to be the case of Viagra.

1:21:45 Adam And what's the difference between the three major?

1:21:48 Drew Cialis works for 36 hours or so. So, you know, it's not, you know, you have to be, you have to be sexually stimulated or turned on to get the erection. It's not like you're walking around with an erection though. You're not.

1:22:03 Adam Well, Dom was.

1:22:04 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter How, how do you sleep?

1:22:06 Drew How do you last the night and, and well, you know, normally, normally when you sleep and you go through rapid eye movement or REM sleep, you're getting erections like a guy in his twenties is probably getting three or four erections a night.

1:22:22 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah.

1:22:22 Adam Yeah.

1:22:23 Drew You know, and so, um.

1:22:25 Adam All right. So they're safe and they're effective.

1:22:28 Drew They're safe for most people. I mean, if you're taking certain drugs like nitrates and certain cardiac drugs, then you should not take those because.

1:22:38 Adam What do you think? Like Dr. Drew morally has a problem with people taking drugs that are meant for people who have difficulties recreationally.

1:22:50 Drew Yes. Yes. And no, I mean, you know. Yeah.

1:22:54 Adam Can you get me a quail? No, I've never had a quail. Do they make quail eggs anymore?

1:22:58 Drew Not in the US.

1:22:59 Adam Give me some value.

1:23:00 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Wouldn't that be great to have a liberal doctor? And he's just like, you know what, I'll give it to you. If you want it, you can have it.

1:23:05 Adam I've worked with that stupid Dr. Drew for nine years. I got to bust his ass and get an aspirin out of that puss. Danny?

1:23:11 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah.

1:23:12 Adam And he doesn't like it when I call the sleeping pills downers either. Or he doesn't like it when I ask him to score. He can score some ambient. And he's like, would you like some sleeping medication?

1:23:24 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Can I beat you out of prescription?

1:23:25 Adam Score me some downers, would you, dude? Danny? Yeah, I'm right here. Danny, all right, we got a bad connection.

1:23:33 No, no, no, no, I'm here.

1:23:35 Adam Okay, go ahead, Danny.

1:23:37 All right, hey, my question is, I've been using the penis pump for almost, going on it two months, almost every day. Sure.

1:23:46 Adam Right, I'm picturing Sir Walter Raleigh. I'm closing my eyes. Go ahead.

1:23:53 Well, I've seen the results and I know they're not permanent. They'll go away eventually. Well, my question is, long term, am I going to damage it?

1:24:05 Drew You could potentially damage your penis with the pump.

1:24:08 Adam You go over 140 PSI, you got problems.

1:24:10 Drew You know, I mean, you're sucking in the fluid, you're keeping it there, you're causing some swelling. I'm not a big fan of penis pumps.

1:24:22 Adam You like the weights.

1:24:23 Drew I mean, if you use it every once in a while, no big deal. Yeah, but the penis pumps, the skin gets thickened, the tissues get thickened. It's-

1:24:33 Adam You lose some sensation?

1:24:34 Drew I don't know about that. I mean, I haven't done a study of these guys. I don't know. I don't see many of these guys who use penis pumps or whatever.

1:24:42 Adam Anyway, I know this is a strange pitch to a guy who does gender reassignment. That's a stock and trade. It's bread and butter's gender reassignment. It just happened less than 24 hours ago. But I really do think, I'm just an atheist and I'm not a doctor, but I do really believe that it's sort of a Rubik's Cube, which you try to line up this side and then the back side gets screwed up. No free lunches in nature. Start trying to get your penis bigger. You lose a little sensitivity.

1:25:15 Drew No, I don't.

1:25:16 Adam That's not true. You gotta sleep at night. Well, you just got done saying that the penis pump's not good.

1:25:21 Drew No, the penis pump, if you're using the penis pump every day and you're really using it a lot and you're sucking in, like you said, with big vacuum pressure.

1:25:30 Adam All right, on a just philosophical nature. You know, you can take steroids and pump up your muscles and look fantastic.

1:25:36 Drew And you got some big negatives there.

1:25:38 Adam And there's some big negatives. I'm just saying normally when there's something that may work or a magic pill or something like a steroid, there is an adverse and alternate effect.

1:25:49 Drew Most things have pluses and minuses, right?

1:25:52 Adam All right.

1:25:53 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Let's say acid and mushrooms.

1:25:54 Adam You're right. Those are fine. It's psilocybin stuff. That's good. We got to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Hello.

1:26:07 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:26:21 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Alter. Dominic Monaghan is here tonight from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Dr. Alter is a plastic surgeon and a urologist. And I was going to the bathroom. I saw my penis, it reminded me of you. And I thought, I had a question. What about Michael Jackson? How many surgeries you think he's had?

1:26:51 Drew Just crazy, multiple surgeries.

1:26:53 Adam Into the 20s?

1:26:55 Drew Oh, I wouldn't be surprised. I mean, you could just look at his face and there's so many different operations he's had.

1:27:02 Adam And then what about the coloration thing?

1:27:06 Drew I still am somewhat confused how that worked.

1:27:10 Adam Does it seem suspicious?

1:27:12 Drew It seems so, but I mean, you know, vitiligo is usually a spotty discoloration. And I don't see how he got his, I don't know how this came.

1:27:20 Adam If you had vitiligo, you'd have marks on your belly, but your face wouldn't just turn a different shade.

1:27:26 Drew Yeah, not totally white. I don't know.

1:27:29 Adam How would you do that if you were him?

1:27:31 Drew I don't know. Honestly don't know. I mean, maybe he's just had so many chemical peels that his pigment got bleached, but I've never heard anybody else doing that. So it's all conjecture. I don't know how he did it. But if it is indeed manmade basically.

1:27:51 Caller It seems like it would.

1:27:53 Adam Tim? And by the way, hold on one second. I know this is not a question that we can answer, but when a guy has had 23 operations on his face, says he's had two nose jobs for purposes of obstructions or something like that.

1:28:11 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, singing purposes.

1:28:12 Adam Does it sort of bring almost everything else into question? Do you know what I'm saying? You sort of get the feeling that maybe the guy in general stretches the truth just a little bit.

1:28:22 Drew Well, it's when he got on TV and said he only had one operation on his, you know.

1:28:27 Adam I'm just saying.

1:28:29 Drew Hello?

1:28:29 Adam Are we, are we, are we?

1:28:31 Drew Credibility levels?

1:28:32 Adam Yeah, should we believe that this is the only thing he may lie about?

1:28:35 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, I mean, I don't think any of us are naive enough to get ahead on the fact that, I mean, the guy lives in Neverland, man. I mean, he lives in Neverland. The guy is-

1:28:43 Adam Well, he's moving. You know-

1:28:44 Drew He did move out.

1:28:45 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter He's in a dream world.

1:28:46 Adam He's moving out, and you know, he's thinking about moving in his M&M, I think is-

1:28:50 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Really?

1:28:52 Adam Yeah.

1:28:52 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter You know what? The guy wrote Billie Jean and Beat It. What are you gonna do?

1:28:55 Adam No.

1:28:56 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter He wrote Billie Jean, man.

1:28:58 Adam Tim? I wish you would have wrote Billie Jean and beat it. Yeah. It would have been better for all of us. Oh, whoa. Whoa, hey. Whoa, with the F word. Tim. Yeah. She's got the doctor throwing out the S word. Sorry, I'm throwing out the F word. It's really disaster. Tim, what's up? You're 18.

1:29:20 Caller Unacceptable. My girlfriend is afraid to give me a BJ because she's afraid of getting pregnant. I was just wondering what the chances were.

1:29:34 Adam About 60%. About 60%. No, 55. 55 to 60%. Listen, Tim, you're 18 years old. You're not 13.

1:29:45 Caller I don't know what to tell her.

1:29:46 Adam No, this is bogus, of course.

1:29:48 Caller Bogus.

1:29:49 Adam My only consolation is is that Tim has been on hold for 66 minutes.

1:29:54 Drew Well, it's an important question to him.

1:29:56 Adam No, obviously he's making this up. But I just, it's funny when we take the bogus calls. Sometimes a guy's been on hold for 113 minutes. That's like-

1:30:06 Drew For a bogus call.

1:30:07 Adam Who's the joke on? All right, Tim.

1:30:11 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I don't know, Tim sounds kind of-

1:30:12 Caller Nice try. He won't do it because she's afraid of getting pregnant. Right, right.

1:30:17 Adam How old is she, Tim?

1:30:18 Caller She's 16.

1:30:19 Adam 16.

1:30:21 Drew In your 18, I think you got a problem here.

1:30:23 Adam Yeah.

1:30:24 Caller A problem.

1:30:25 Drew Yeah, you're 18, she's 16.

1:30:27 Adam By the way, here's how you know it's always a bogus here. You got a problem here.

1:30:31 Caller Problem.

1:30:33 Adam They just repeat, they parrot back the last word you say.

1:30:36 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Tim, you have to get semen like inside the vagina, I think, to get pregnant, as opposed to the mouth. I mean, it's gonna have to make a gargantuan journey for it to get anywhere near the ovaries and then allow her to be, I mean, you know what? If she did become pregnant, you would have an Olympic style child. Like this kid would be the most amazing baby in the world. It would be like Magic Johnson crossed with Michael Jordan.

1:31:05 Adam Only, could only be beat by the anal baby. That's the only baby that would be greater than the oral baby.

1:31:11 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter I have a friend here tonight who was an anal baby.

1:31:13 Adam Oh really?

1:31:14 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter This guy right here, my friend Sharks was an anal baby.

1:31:16 Adam I was wondering about that.

1:31:17 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Yeah, that's where he gets his beautiful looks from.

1:31:19 Adam I had my suspicions, of course I didn't want to say anything because I've been burnt a few times.

1:31:24 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter He's an anal baby, dude. They're out there.

1:31:27 Adam Yeah, I know. But you see how red your face gets when you go up and ask somebody if they're an anal baby and they get all bent out of shape. I've been wrong almost 11 times. 11 times now. I've only been right twice. So I've learned to stop asking. All right, and what about now, Dr. Alter, what about getting a man to become a woman and then getting that person pregnant? How far away are we from that dream?

1:31:54 Drew Impossible.

1:31:55 Adam Impossible? Wow.

1:31:58 Drew A man to a woman.

1:31:59 Adam Man to a woman.

1:32:00 Drew And then getting her pregnant. Well, she has no ovaries.

1:32:03 Adam I'm just saying.

1:32:04 Drew You've got to do an ovary transplant.

1:32:05 Adam Is there a way to, is there a way to put a, well, what about an ovary transplant?

1:32:11 Drew I mean, this can't be far. You could probably, listen, you can transplant an ovary, technically.

1:32:17 Adam I'm just-

1:32:17 Drew Technically, you can transplant a penis.

1:32:19 Adam I'm just saying, is this ever going to happen? And why wouldn't it? Everything else seems to eventually happen. I mean, does some guy is going to be a chick and get pregnant?

1:32:32 Drew You got to get the, the donors.

1:32:34 Adam How about a guy, remaining a guy in getting pregnant? Is that possible with an ovary transplant? I mean, you definitely got to go C-section.

1:32:45 Drew Well, the baby would be in, wouldn't be in utero, obviously, but there have been cases where babies have been born outside of the uterus.

1:32:55 Adam Really?

1:32:56 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Like a plastic bottle?

1:32:57 Drew No, inside the peritoneal cavity. It's really rare.

1:33:01 Adam Well, this may happen one day.

1:33:02 Drew You never know.

1:33:04 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:33:08 Caller Here's the deal. Look in the hookup.

1:33:10 Caller Call the dateline.

1:33:11 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

1:33:13 Caller Call the dateline.

1:33:14 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:15 Caller Call the dateline.

1:33:16 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. You know what I'm saying?

1:33:31 Adam I Well, that's the show. My hunker hurts. I want to thank Dr. Alter for coming in and, oh, having a good sense of humor about him and his bizarre practices, and not worrying about God judging him whatsoever, and having a great sense of humor. God bless you, Alter. You're a good sport.

1:33:52 Drew Thank you, thank you.

1:33:53 Adam Nobody knows more about the dork than Alter. I said it, I'll stand by. Dominic, thank you very much. We got off to a shaky start.

1:34:04 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Hey, do I have time to make a retraction?

1:34:06 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

1:34:07 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter My retraction would be that the Jimmy Kimmel comment came from a friend of mine, not my publicist, and I would love L-O-V-E to be on the Jimmy Kimmel show.

1:34:16 Adam I will give him a good butter.

1:34:18 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Can you call your good friend? He's a good friend of yours, right?

1:34:19 Adam Oh, yes. I'll give him a good buttering up when I see him.

1:34:22 Dominic Monaghan with Dr. Alter Get me on that show, man.

1:34:23 Adam I will work very hard on it. Alter, we'll see you in hell. No, you come back anytime you like.

1:34:30 Drew Anytime you ask, I'll be here.

1:34:31 Adam Always have a great time with you. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Alter. Say mahalo.

1:34:37 Drew You can transplant an ovary, technically.

1:34:40 Caller I'm just-

1:34:40 Drew Technically, you can transplant a penis.

1:34:45 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Andy Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:35:40 Drew Yeah.

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Wednesday, February 11, 2004