Episode 1000591537040

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:06 Voiceover Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Jack Osborne is gonna be in here tomorrow night, talk to him all about whatever he's all about, hear how Ozzy's doing and all that. Is Drew gonna be in New York tomorrow night?

1:24 Drew I shall.

1:25 Adam Yes. You watching the Grammys tonight?

1:27 Drew No. How'd it look?

1:28 Adam Looks good. I mean, normally...

1:30 Drew I mean, Janet wasn't there, so why watch?

1:32 Adam Yeah. You hate to see those shows. I mean, I don't like award shows because I get uncomfortable when people that don't know each other read off a teleprompter simultaneously. I saw Quentin Tarantino reading off the teleprompter. He looked like he was coked out of his mind. And I just saw him and he said like three syllables. I had to leave the room. Like it's weird. There's something bizarre. Most people are listening to me have never done this, but I've had this pleasure of doing these kinds of things on occasion. There is a teleprompter which is about the size of a big screen television set.

2:11 Drew And it's good 50 yards off.

2:13 Adam It's way back there. Yeah, it's way back. And it's sort of behind the first row. Why should it say row?

2:19 Drew If you've ever been to a rock concert, it's where the sound booth is. Right in the middle, there in the back.

2:23 Adam Yeah, it's always the top of the first section. And there it is. And that thing just rolls along and you stay up with it. And the jokes, maybe they're not bad, but they never seem to fit just right. And whoever's delivering it never really gets away with whatever the material is. So it just sort of makes it uncomfortable.

2:45 Drew Yeah, they don't fit in people's mouths.

2:46 Adam Right, tonight, the acts that I saw were good though.

2:50 Drew Oh really? Well, I mean, Grammy's a big operation down there.

2:53 Adam No, but they sort of did it right.

2:56 Drew In fact, I heard somewhere that the rehearsal day is the most expensive day in all of media and entertainment. Because all the union guys there going overtime and then the bands they bring through. It's probably doing the pyrotechnics and all that stuff.

3:12 Adam Yeah, so anyway, it's all about half it.

3:15 It's a good time.

3:16 Drew Anybody interesting when that you were waiting for?

3:18 Adam No, I don't know. No Doubt won, Christine Aguilera won and I don't know who the hell else won.

3:25 Drew Outkast got something.

3:26 Adam Outkast got something. All right. That song, by the way, the Outkast song is in every single movie trailer. I know. I mean, they must have stuffed it in. It's in every single movie trailer. It's in every commercial. It's just, they just shove it into every movie trailer.

3:44 Drew Speaking of every commercial, Chevrolet has picked up, what's the band that you love so much from the 60s, 70s?

3:51 Adam Vehicle?

3:52 Drew No, no, no.

3:52 Adam The Ides of March?

3:53 Drew No, we were playing, got in trouble for playing.

3:55 Adam Oh.

3:55 Drew I was here with Minifire, but. Oh, oh, Blood, Sweat, and Tears. Yes, they're now in the Chevrolet commercial.

4:01 Adam What are they playing?

4:02 Drew I think it's like Spinning Wheel or something, or it's something like that.

4:05 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, see? I'm a trendsetter because.

4:08 Drew Absolutely.

4:09 Adam You know, when I used to do karaoke, I'd do Vehicle.

4:12 Drew Nice.

4:12 Adam By the Ides of March, you know the song?

4:14 Drew No.

4:15 Adam You don't know Vehicle?

4:16 Drew Maybe. How's it go?

4:20 Adam Oh, now I got that stupid outcast song in my head.

4:23 You know Vehicle?

4:24 Drew Probably, I mean, I don't know the name.

4:26 I mean Vehicle, baby.

4:27 Adam I'll take you anywhere you wanna go.

4:29 I love it. Great God in heaven, you know I love you. Ba-da-ba-da-da.

4:35 Drew Is it Blood, Sweat, and Tears?

4:37 Adam No, it's the Ides of March.

4:39 It's Vehicle.

4:40 Drew We gotta find it, we gotta find it. We don't have to find it.

4:43 Adam I'm right here.

4:44 Drew Your rendition is so chilling. I just can't quite identify it.

4:49 Adam All right, it starts off.

4:51 Drew I didn't.

4:52 Adam Listen, I'm the friendly stranger in the black sedan watching you hop inside my car. No?

4:58 Drew No.

4:58 Adam What happened, Drew? What happened?

5:00 You didn't even do, let me tell you something. Drew doesn't do drugs.

5:04 Drew He was on to get off again.

5:05 Drew does not do drugs.

5:07 Adam This is the greatest endorsement to do drugs I've ever heard in my life.

5:13 Drew The fact that I was sort of checking in and out of this is your real house. All right, we're gonna get the song. We'll get it from Arrow.

5:22 Adam Arrow's probably playing it right now.

5:24 Drew I may well know it. I just don't know the, you know.

5:27 I'm your vehicle, baby. I'll take you anywhere you wanna go. I'm your vehicle, mama. And by now I'm sure you know that I love you, love you.

5:37 Adam Yeah, it's true, love you.

5:38 Drew Love you.

5:39 Need you.

5:39 Drew Need you.

5:40 Want you.

5:40 Drew Want you.

5:41 Got to have you. Great God in heaven, you know I love. Ba-da-ba-da-da.

5:48 Drew Sounding familiar.

5:49 Adam Jesus Christ. First off, A, it's a hugely popular song. B, it's been used in Chevy commercials for the last couple of years, or GM commercials. And C, you were probably 12 when the song came out or something and it's right in, it's right in you.

6:07 Drew Yeah, I know you'll be shocked to hear this, but I was late to get to music, late, like 15, 16.

6:14 Adam Like 15, 16 months from now?

6:16 Drew No, no, then I was checked in for about six years and then checked out again.

6:19 Adam Friendly stranger in the black sedan?

6:22 I got pictures. I got candy. I'm gonna love my man. I'm your vehicle, call everyone mama, but now I'm sure you know that I love you, need you, want to have you child, great God in heaven, you know I, come on, here's your vehicle.

6:45 Drew All right, Chris, please go get this. Ann, where are you?

6:50 Adam You don't need it until you got me here.

6:52 Drew He's not gonna stop till we get the song, so please get it, please, please.

6:55 Great God in heaven.

7:01 Drew All right, Carlos, Carlos, speak up. No, sure, there he is, there he is.

7:07 I just wanted to say that Dr. Drew, you're the smartest man alive.

7:12 Adam And Adam, he's so smart, he's never heard anything.

7:15 And Adam, you're the funniest man.

7:17 Drew By the way, part of the drill of getting smart is you're so GD busy studying to check out of it. No, seriously, I was checked out for years at a time from the culture.

7:27 Adam, it's true.

7:27 The song came out in 1967, you retard.

7:31 Adam Anyway.

7:31 All right, you already didn't get with it.

7:32 Oh, no.

7:33 It's 24.

7:34 Adam Mr. Bell Bombs over there didn't get with it.

7:37 Drew, I have so much respect for you and Adam, you're the funniest man alive.

7:40 Adam That's right.

7:41 Anyway, you guys said that staying with one person is just not healthy at all.

7:50 Adam What? We said hooking up with somebody in the 9th or 10th grade and sticking with them until you're 22 is probably not a great plan.

8:03 Drew And we also said that people don't spend the rest of their lives together, at least they end up breaking up eventually if they try to make that kind of relationship work. That's statistically the case.

8:12 I'm 19 and I'm going out with my girlfriend and she's my first girlfriend and I could see us spending the rest of our lives together.

8:21 Drew How old were you when you hooked up?

8:23 I was 18.

8:25 Drew It's a little different than 16.

8:27 We've been together for about a year.

8:29 Adam About a year. All right, that's fine.

8:31 Drew Whatever, we'll see.

8:32 Adam Yeah, call us in two years if you're still together.

8:35 Drew It also depends on what's kind of going on in your life. Are you going away to college? Are you changing sort of who you are and what your place is in life? If you're hunkering down to work in a community we've been there for a long time.

8:45 Adam I hear that. He's saying Mexican, Carlos.

8:47 Drew And also.

8:48 Adam He's very racist, Drew. He's saying white people go to college. But you Mexicans, you get a job at the tire store. And you start cranking out the kids.

8:56 Drew Why are you going to college? Are you working?

8:57 I'm going to college.

8:58 Drew All right. So you're going away to school? Junior. Are you going away to school though eventually?

9:05 Yeah, hopefully.

9:05 Drew All right. Eventually. And so my point is you will sort of change and grow and get a sense of yourself in your new peer environment.

9:12 Adam Junior college now?

9:13 No, I'm in UTEP.

9:15 Adam UTEP?

9:15 Yeah.

9:17 Drew Is that near where you live?

9:18 Adam What is that? What's UTEP?

9:19 University of Texas in El Paso.

9:21 Adam Oh, you, oh, oh, UTEP. Yeah, UTEP. UTEP, Texas in El Paso. I see. We ever go there, Drew? No. All right, good times. Hey, Carlos. Yeah. Yeah, okay. That phone's coming in and out. Here's the deal. You're fine.

9:34 Drew Yeah, you'll see what happens.

9:35 Adam Now, here's what Drew's saying. Drew's saying is, what Drew's saying is, if you guys hooked up at 18 and now you're 19 and a half and you ain't going to college, you ain't doing anything, she's waitressing, you're working at a gas station.

9:52 Drew Basically, you're who you're going to be for your life. This is who you're going to be. This is your status in life.

9:57 Adam Yeah, you're not going to be an attorney. You're not going to be a doctor. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your life.

10:04 No, no. It's just, this is it.

10:05 Drew And you could advance in things, but just to be, you know.

10:08 Adam So you basically, at 22, will be like other people, 29.

10:13 Drew That's right.

10:13 Adam Or maybe 32.

10:15 Drew People, when you're done, when you've entered the workforce, you've entered.

10:18 Adam You're now an adult.

10:19 Drew You're an adult, that's right.

10:20 Adam All right, it's still not the world's.

10:22 Drew Smartest idea, because most 22 year old guys still need to screw around a bit.

10:25 Adam Yeah, but there are those guys. I mean, there's those, you know, we all went to high school with these guys, the old soul guys. It's just like, they had the same chicks since 15. They're 19 now. They got a kid. They got another one on the way. They're looking to buy some property. It's like, what the hell, you're 19.

10:41 Drew You're right, yeah, they sort of settle down.

10:43 Adam Well, how does that work? All right, testosterone, Drew says, starts dropping. Oh, to me, it's like they got it flipped on too early.

10:52 Drew Could be.

10:53 Adam Like these are the guys who had the mustache in the 10th grade.

10:58 Drew Or eighth grade.

10:59 Adam Yeah, well, eighth grade, it was coming in. By the 10th grade, they're brushing it. Full-blown mustache, girlfriend, had a couple of kids by 18. It's like, they just become dad. They're also the guys, they start going bald and start getting a gut. It's like, the guy looks like, you know, these guys, they're like 26 years old and look like they've been skippering a minor league baseball team in Tallahassee for 42 years. Like just the gut, the mustache, the bald head, the couple of kids.

11:32 Drew The irony is-

11:32 You're 26!

11:34 Drew The irony is they hit that at 26 and remain exactly like that until 70. They don't budge. They don't budge from that spot, right?

11:40 Right.

11:41 Adam No, that's right. They all-

11:44 Drew That 70's the same guy.

11:46 Adam I guess that's the good part.

11:47 Drew That's a good nude.

11:48 Adam All right. Yeah. Let's keep it on. Where are we going here? Now, where's that vehicle? Oh, come on, Drew. Kat? You're 24?

12:00 Drew Yes.

12:00 Adam What's up?

12:04 Drew That's where you talk, Kat. Go ahead.

12:06 Well, I've been in a committed relationship for about four years now. We're the same guy. Everything's been going great.

12:14 Drew Thus, the committed relationship.

12:16 Adam Same guy.

12:17 Drew Same guy.

12:17 About four years.

12:19 I was just a little average.

12:20 Adam I can't write that fast.

12:22 All right.

12:24 And I've got sort of an unusual problem going on with our sex life. And it's mainly just with me. I don't know what's causing it, but anytime that I have an orgasm, I get uncontrollable urges to eat. And I will gorge myself.

12:44 Drew Any special kind of food you eat? Is that be sweets or can be protein?

12:48 Adam It's never celery sticks.

12:50 Whatever I'm craving. Whether it's sweet, whether it's salty, but it's kind of limited because I'm a vegetarian. And in the past maybe three years, I've gained close to 70 or 80 pounds. Mm-hmm.

13:05 Drew How much do you weigh?

13:07 Right now?

13:08 Adam No, let's say first year of junior high.

13:14 I weigh about 195 pounds right now.

13:16 Drew So you can weigh up to 115.

13:18 I'm 5'3.

13:20 Adam Hold on, let me do some radio math there. 5'3, 195, was it? What's two times seven?

13:32 Drew 14.

13:33 Adam 14.

13:33 Drew See the reversal in this one. Might be 5'3, 187.

13:37 Adam I'm just coming around this way. And one times five?

13:40 Drew Five.

13:41 Adam Five. And then 14 and five?

13:44 Drew 19.

13:44 Adam 19. And then 19 minus two is?

13:48 Drew 17.

13:49 Adam 17. Okay, I got 5'1, and 32, actually 17, 30 seconds. So just a little bit. Just a little bit over 5'1, and a half close. And 207. Yeah. You're flashing. True, please. Kat?

14:15 Yeah.

14:15 Adam Sorry. You know, it's amazing to me. It's amazing to me that vegetarians, well, I guess not so much now with the whole Atkins thing, but vegetarians can, they can keep the weight going pretty good there. Yeah.

14:30 Oh, yeah.

14:31 Adam And how often you have an orgasm?

14:34 Well, we're very active, probably about three or four times a day.

14:38 Drew Okay.

14:43 Adam There's something...

14:46 Drew There's a bogus...

14:47 Adam Yeah, there is a bogus quality to this, yeah.

14:49 Drew But let me just say, I have encountered something like this once. Are you still there? When I dealt with someone who had been sexually abused as a child, and every time her father abused her, he'd give her a cookie at the end of it and say, you know, it's cause I love you and this kind of thing. Yeah, isn't that credible? And because of that, the food became insatiable. I mean, unbelievable drives around food.

15:16 Adam Yeah.

15:16 Drew Is there anything weird like that, the associations with you and food and sex?

15:21 Well, no, but I have been sexually abused in the past.

15:24 Drew Yeah, I wonder.

15:25 Adam All right.

15:26 Drew Was it that, out of curiosity, when you were sexually abused, was there a lot of oral sex? Were you required to do oral sex on somebody?

15:32 Yes.

15:33 Drew Yeah, that was the association back in the other patient.

15:36 Adam Well, there it is.

15:37 Drew So there is something there.

15:38 Adam Drew, everybody.

15:39 Drew Thank you.

15:40 Adam All right, so Kat, how about some therapy, baby doll?

15:44 Drew Yeah, the sexual compulsivity of three or four times a day, the food is clearly, this is some oral aggression that you have to, the drives associated with sexuality, all wired in by grandpa or uncle Stu or whoever did it.

15:58 Adam God bless. You think she's married? You know what I like about guys? They'll ride that pony out, you know what I mean? She's packing on weight, she's eating, she's crying. He's still getting her four or five times a day. You know, what are you gonna do?

16:14 Can't afford therapy.

16:16 Drew Takes all kinds.

16:17 Adam Hey, Cat?

16:18 Yes?

16:19 Adam Same boyfriend?

16:21 Yes.

16:21 Adam Same guy, all the way through, huh? How's he doing with all the binge eating and packing on the weight and everything?

16:27 Well, he's tried to help me throughout it. Throughout, he's been supportive of me. I've been trying to lose weight and I have lost a little bit recently.

16:37 Drew But it's an eating disorder, Cat. And it's also sexual compulsivity. And this needs to be managed by a pro. It's a pretty complicated problem.

16:44 I have been going to therapy, but nothing's really been tapped out of it yet.

16:48 Drew Have they picked up on this business about the oral sex and the sexual abuse and all that? Have you talked about that in therapy?

16:54 Well, I have talked about it, but nothing's really come out of it. You know, they sort of just skirt the problem.

17:02 Drew The only skirting, you're in control of the session. So if there's skirting going on, it's done by you.

17:09 Adam You know what drives me nuts is I keep trying to think of the vehicle, the song, the horn riff, and that Beyonce, who won a Grammy tonight, her hit, which was a sort of a horn-driven ripoff from... Her song is in my head, but it's not her song. I was trying to... No, no, it's her song. I won vehicle, I got that ba-da thing in my head, which is almost the same as vehicle, the Beyonce song, and then that's a ripoff. And by the way, how do you win a Grammy for someone else's song that you sort of sampled? The part that people like about the song is the part we liked about the song 29 years ago. You know what I'm saying?

18:00 Drew Her doing it, you know what I mean?

18:03 Adam No, I know, but I just mean when you sample somebody's song, I mean, what we respond to it, like the reason the song's a hit today, the reason you like that song now is because you liked the part that you liked in 1976.

18:17 Drew Yep.

18:18 Adam So what?

18:19 Drew I don't know. Maybe it's the category, I don't know.

18:22 Adam Drew, we should get someone's radio show and warm it over.

18:26 Drew Adapted.

18:27 Adam Yeah, adapt it. We'll do the same thing.

18:29 Drew We'll leave the part in that people always liked.

18:32 Adam Yeah. I mean, nothing against Beyoncé. She was in here, wow, God, it was a few, three or four years ago, Sweet As Sugar.

18:40 Drew With the rest of them, right?

18:41 Adam Yeah, the Eve's Plum or whatever the hell that band was. Who knows that band they were in there? Come on, Chris, what's Beyoncé's band?

18:50 Drew The original. I don't give you that pause. Three or four girls were singing.

18:52 Adam Yeah, Destiny's Child.

18:53 Drew Destiny's Child, there you go.

18:56 Adam I need him for this.

18:57 Drew We met them at the...

18:58 Adam Let me tell you what everyone in this, except for Engineer Anderson, who comes up with an answer every once in a while. Everyone else standing around me, it's only good for me to say, who was that, what was that, where was that?

19:08 Drew Until you come up with it.

19:09 Adam Eventually I come up and they go, bingo. That's what I need.

19:13 Drew We met them at the MTV Music or Movie Awards, I think.

19:16 Adam I thought we met them at the Teen Choice Awards.

19:18 Drew You're right.

19:19 Adam Yeah, and they wanted to come on the show and they came on and they were a delight. Rebecca.

19:23 Hi, when my boyfriend went down on me, like I peed on him. And I was like really embarrassed about it. And I don't know if I'm gonna like, cause that was my first time having that happen. Like I, the guy's never gone down on me before. And like, I don't know if it's gonna happen every time or.

19:42 Adam Now it's gonna be number two next time.

19:44 Drew Just like to make a note to Chris, not into this. Did you see that, that puss? Oh my.

19:49 Adam It doesn't go down. No, it doesn't like the urination.

19:52 Drew No, the urine thing.

19:52 Adam Yeah, smart, smart.

19:54 Drew Rebecca, did you have an orgasm at the time?

19:56 Caller Yeah.

19:58 Drew And do you sure it was urine? Maybe it was just.

19:59 Caller Yeah, it was it, yeah.

20:02 Drew So it was female orgasmic incontinence. So was the guy upset?

20:05 Caller Well, he was just like, whoa, you know, like, ew.

20:10 Drew You or was he proud of himself?

20:12 Caller What?

20:13 Drew You or was he proud of himself?

20:14 Caller He wasn't proud, I don't think. He didn't seem like it.

20:17 Drew Does he call you back? You still seeing him?

20:18 Caller I haven't seen him for like two days.

20:22 Adam Well, who was this guy?

20:23 Caller He's my boyfriend.

20:24 Drew Oh, does he normally talk to you every day?

20:28 Caller Well, yeah, like every other day, probably.

20:30 Drew So you need to give him a call. He'll be fine with this. Relax, it's a very common thing.

20:35 Caller Well, is it gonna like happen every time or like?

20:38 Drew Was that the first time you had an orgasm?

20:40 Caller What?

20:40 Drew Was that the first time you've ever had an orgasm?

20:42 Caller No.

20:43 Drew Do you normally urinate when you have an orgasm?

20:46 Caller No.

20:46 Drew Well, then it's not gonna happen every time.

20:50 Adam That's great. That's amazing math you did there, Drew. Hey, Rebecca, but this is the first time you had an orgasm through oral sex. You see, that's the rub. So to speak. Yeah. So is this gonna happen each time she has oral sex and has the orgasm?

21:08 Drew I doubt it.

21:09 Adam And by the way, you're having an orgasm through what, intercourse?

21:14 Caller Yeah, well, like once or twice, yeah. Mm-hmm.

21:19 Adam You need some protection?

21:22 Drew Condoms?

21:26 Adam You'll be fine.

21:27 Drew Give him a call. He'll be fine.

21:29 Adam Yeah. You can evacuate your bladder, but there's always a little shot left.

21:36 Drew Of course, but Lisa's not a big...

21:40 Adam How's that work, by the way? There I am, taking a leak, get myself all cleaned out. You go climb into bed, you lie down, you can get up in 10 minutes, walk back over and take another half a leak. A couple of squirts, a couple of squirts.

21:53 Drew There's a lot of elements to that, but one is when you lie down, fluid is mobilized. Secondly, you don't really be walking around.

22:01 Adam I'm gonna start peeing in the tub while I'm just lying there in a fetal position, just having a leak out of me.

22:06 Drew It's hard for you to evacuate your bladder completely when you've been standing for a long time, especially at your age. My prostate's enlarged.

22:14 Adam Look at me.

22:14 Drew And all that masturbation. I'm gonna irritate the hell out of your prostate.

22:17 Adam I've been down.

22:18 Drew Whoa.

22:19 Adam I've been down.

22:22 Drew Are you okay? You're depressed.

22:24 I don't know.

22:24 Drew That's depression, dude.

22:25 Whatever.

22:26 Drew Oh my God, Ann.

22:29 Adam I'm tired. I just wanna sleep.

22:34 Drew And never wake up?

22:35 Adam Yeah.

22:35 Drew Oh, that's a bad sign. We're gonna have to talk.

22:38 Adam Let me do a little plug here before we start talking, Drew. As you know, our dear, dear friend, Rob Schneider was in here talking about his beloved animal, which is out on DVD, by the way. And what we're gonna do is we're gonna give away five DVDs to the first five callers. Who are calling tonight, ask a question, get on the air, and who are over 18. So you should remain on hold. We'll not tell you to stay on hold, like most good radios would do, because here's my feeling, if you hang up, well, that's just one more animal DVD for me to give out next Christmas.

23:13 Drew For somebody else, yeah. Yeah, next Christmas. All right, you're right. First five callers, yeah.

23:18 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So you know, you stay on hold, we'll give you that animal DVD. It's got all kinds of back, behind the stage, backstage, behind the scenes footage.

23:29 Drew Never before seen footage, yes.

23:30 Adam Never before. No eye has seen this before your eye sees it.

23:34 Drew It stores now.

23:35 Adam That's right. All right. Let's take a break.

23:38 Yeah.

23:38 Adam We have to go get the vehicle. We'll be back after this.

23:48 Loveline.

23:48 1-800-LOVE-191.

23:50 Loveline will be right back.

23:52 Every hour two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Call toll free 1-866-344-KNOW.

24:10 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Jack Osborne in here tomorrow night. Who gave us a countdown? Was it Brian? Who was that in the next room? Oh, Ken. Hey, Ken, what's happening? Engineer Anderson, I paid him a rare compliment tonight, and he wasn't even around.

24:31 Drew I don't remember. Strangely enough.

24:33 Adam No, I said Anderson, when I'm looking for an answer.

24:37 Drew Oh, yes.

24:38 Adam Once in a while, it happens where I can't think of someone's name or some group or some place. And then I look at Drew, and it's like just staring either into the sun or just an empty black hole. Like it is, hello, hello, hello, hello. And then like I said, I got engineer Chris over here. It's always good for the bingo sign after I answer my own question. After stammering on the air for 10 minutes, he gives me that. That's right. People like doing that as if they'd been sitting on the answer. Yep, you got that right, buddy. Thanks. All right. You got the Ides of March there, by the way? You got some vehicle? This is a song that I made famous through my... Pick karaoke number for me. Chevrolet started using it a couple years ago.

25:25 Drew I'm familiar with it, but I always thought it was sort of Musax music.

25:32 Come on. It sounds like Blood, Sweat & Tears, right?

25:39 Same kind of thing.

25:42 Adam Here's your vehicle.

25:47 Caller Come on.

25:48 Caller I literally heard the horn.

25:58 Caller Great God in heaven, you know nothing.

26:02 Drew Definitely the horn riff, but that's...

26:05 Adam Friendly Stranger, the Black Sedan.

26:06 Drew I never heard it as a song you sort of listen to on the radio.

26:17 Caller You just heard the horn.

26:18 Drew And that's it.

26:18 Caller You didn't hear the vehicle baby.

26:21 Drew Never sat and listened to the song.

26:23 Caller I tell you, you think I sweat in the studio when I'm on the jack. You have to be even bust out my vehicle. Get the crowd going.

26:29 Caller Great God in heaven, you know I love you. I'm your vehicle baby.

26:39 Caller Alright, now listen to the guitar riff here.

26:42 Adam Just like the Survivor riff in the Rocky song.

26:48 Caller Nick, you with me?

26:49 Adam I'm here. Now just, everyone just listen if you know that sort of I or the Tiger riff.

26:55 Caller Right here, listen as far. Yeah, you want to know what that is?

27:00 Adam I was driving along 15 years ago, I heard this song and they were like, yeah, that's Sides of March with a vehicle. Lead guitar player Bob James went on to form Survivor.

27:14 Caller Five years later did I or the Tiger.

27:16 Adam He's got the same riff.

27:17 Caller The exact same riff. And then I said to myself, almost right. I know it all. We got a big ending coming up here, Drew.

27:44 Caller I don't know.

27:46 Caller He does the big...

27:47 Adam He does the drawn out one at the end.

27:49 Drew You know, this to me sounds like the big name of a television show from the 70s.

28:11 Caller Come on, buddy.

28:12 Drew That's awesome.

28:13 Caller That's awesome.

28:14 Caller Yeah, he's...

28:15 Drew Promise everything that sounds like 1973 gives me like a panic attack.

28:19 Adam I know you're really, you're like some sort of concentration camp survivor.

28:26 Caller You're blocked out every day.

28:28 Drew Yes, I start looking at the numbers on my arm.

28:29 Adam Yeah, there's like, no, no, no. And you're like, come on, you heard of Burton Cummings. Remember the guest, who?

28:39 Caller No!

28:40 Adam He holds his ears, he starts running down the hall, screaming.

28:42 Caller Screaming, Drew hates the 70s.

28:46 Adam Matt?

28:47 Yeah.

28:48 Adam You're 20?

28:50 Caller 22.

28:51 Adam 22.

28:53 Caller My question is this, my wife told me that, well, every time I go out and I get drunk heavily on beer, she won't let me go down on her because of the fact she thinks that the high content yeast is gonna have an effect on her getting a yeast infection. Is there any truth to that?

29:13 Adam Well, if you treat her vagina like an air sickness bag, it could happen. Which I've done.

29:19 Drew But I'm sure. In fact, there's almost nothing you haven't barfed into, is there?

29:22 Adam There's almost nothing I haven't peed into.

29:24 Drew Peed into, that's right. Thank you. The barfing, you're getting around to that.

29:27 Adam But barfed into, an ice maker in Tijuana is my crowning achievement for barfing.

29:34 Drew Matt, well, I would think that sounds pretty far-fetched. However, there are reported cases of women working in bakeries getting excessive incidence of yeast infection. And so on one hand, it seems like, geez, you'd expect to see more of this if this really happened. But I suppose it is theoretically possible.

29:52 Adam Yeah.

29:52 Drew So there you go.

29:53 Adam Yeah, listen, though, Matt.

29:55 Drew I think she just tried to tell you not to drink so much. It's really, in a diabolical way, she's sort of holding back because he drank so much.

30:01 Adam Yeah. And listen, hey, hey, you know, maybe I'm getting old, but going down on the old lady when loaded is, it's now fallen off my top 10 things to do.

30:10 Drew Matt's loaded every night, though, see?

30:12 Adam Oh, okay, so no choice, yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't remind, And they too. Who, me?

30:18 Drew You're loaded every night.

30:19 Adam Oh yeah, yeah, every night.

30:20 Drew So that's it, you're just done, huh?

30:22 Adam No, I gotta go, yeah, that's it. I go, well, yeah, but I get a certain, I get a dignified loaded, you know? I don't get that sloppy beer frat. You know, I have a glass of wine.

30:33 Drew That's a nice smell, too, isn't it? That beer frat boy smell.

30:37 Adam Danielle?

30:38 Caller Yeah.

30:39 Adam You're 20?

30:40 Drew Back in the 70s again.

30:41 Adam What's up?

30:42 Caller Okay, so I have a problem with my boyfriend. Every time we've ever messed around, he never gets off. And he says that it's not me and I've asked him what I could do. And he said that everything feels good, but he just, he doesn't know what's wrong with him. And he said sometimes that he would like to go longer, but I can't go longer, you know?

31:04 Drew How long do you go?

31:05 Caller Oh my God, for like an hour and a half each time.

31:07 Oh really?

31:11 Drew Is he on any medication?

31:12 Caller No.

31:13 Drew Does he masturbate?

31:15 Caller Probably about once a week.

31:17 Adam Oh, well, they just gotta pick that up a little bit. We're blessed in it? Blessed in it's not gonna dance, it's just gonna shut off altogether. Now does he, does he wants to go longer?

31:30 Drew No, he wants to have an orgasm.

31:32 Adam I mean, he couldn't have an orgasm within an hour and a half?

31:34 Drew Correct. And he wanted to go longer, but it's not clear that if he went longer, he'd still have one. Yeah, I think if he can't do an hour and a half, he ain't gonna do it.

31:42 Adam Well, here's how it is with the orgasm. It's like, if you're taking a little batting practice at Dodger Stadium and the guy's throwing batting practice, throws you a five gallon bucket full of BP balls.

31:57 Drew It's about as good as you're gonna get.

31:58 Adam And you don't get one out of the infield. You took 75 cuts. You haven't got one out of the infield yet. You don't need a 76. It's not like, well, if we keep going, eventually I'll drive one into the parking lot. No, you've had a whole bucket. We can tell. That hour and a half, that's a bucket of balls.

32:17 Drew Oh yeah, plus.

32:18 Adam Plus, right? Okay, you're done.

32:21 Drew So the list becomes sort of, is he anxious? Does he have any medical problems?

32:27 Adam He's had his bucket of balls, then, yeah.

32:30 Drew Is he up something about this relationship, or you, or is anxiety about it, or is he on medication, not telling you perhaps?

32:37 Adam One out of every so-and-so guys just can't do this.

32:40 Drew During intercourse, and something coincidentally, strangely enough, those are the guys that can do it during oral sex.

32:45 Caller Well, he can't even do that during oral.

32:48 Drew He doesn't do it during oral.

32:50 Caller No, see, the thing is, he said that he's had relationships before that every time sex is involved, something goes wrong. Something's wrong.

33:01 Adam Something's up with this guy.

33:02 Drew Yeah, something's up with this guy. That is a BS sort of excuse that he knows.

33:06 Adam What the hell does that even mean?

33:07 Drew You know what? He knows he can get a girl to believe that. You see what I'm saying? That's nonsense.

33:10 Adam Because that's something a chick would do or say.

33:12 Drew Right, exactly. That's not a guy's thing. I think my bet is-

33:15 Adam Every time sex was involved, something went wrong. You mean, what does that mean? Like a ceiling fan landed on him while he was banging her?

33:22 Drew He means he got his feelings hurt. That does not stop the man in history.

33:28 Adam What the? No, if anything, it helps your chances. You actually, you set the hook a little bit if you're into somebody. Am I right?

33:36 Drew Yeah, a little bit. Hey, listen. I'm Daniel.

33:40 Adam Yeah, the phone keeps busting.

33:41 Drew My bet still is that he's on medication, just not telling you.

33:44 Adam Well, Drew, as a man of extreme passion, you can't understand. But, okay, let's try to figure out what percentage of guys just flat out can't have an orgasm with a woman.

33:58 Drew During intercourse?

33:59 Adam Yeah, but they're like younger guys, you know what I mean?

34:02 Drew 2%.

34:04 Adam I'd say it could be higher, could be more like 5.

34:07 Drew Yeah, 2 to 4.

34:09 Adam This is of 19, 20-year-old guys.

34:12 Drew Do any of your friends have that problem?

34:14 Adam Think about it. I don't know if guys would talk about it that much if they...

34:18 Drew Yeah, they would. I think they would.

34:20 Adam They would if they were like effed up and couldn't get the deal done on a particular night, but I'm talking about just generally can't handle it.

34:26 Drew First of all, the first thing they would tell you is how long they can go, and then one of those times they'd let it slip to, I never really...

34:33 Adam Yeah, but that would have been one time. I'm talking about in general, this is their difficulty. 2%. Cannot have an orgasm with a woman.

34:40 Drew But I'm saying if you knew guys that had this problem, eventually you'd find out about it. They'd talk about it. They'd first talk about how long they went.

34:47 Adam I hung around with the very guys who basically were date rapists. I mean, like, virile.

34:53 Drew As we all did, of course.

34:54 Adam Bad students. Because lots of testosterone.

34:58 Drew 2%.

34:59 Adam Could be a little... That's saying 98% don't have this problem. It just seems too high. I'm going with 95% don't have this problem. And this is... But this is not... I'm not talking about the erectile difficulty. I'm just talking about...

35:14 Drew Can't orgasm during intercourse. Not orgasm at all, even just during intercourse.

35:17 Adam Well, I'm...

35:18 Drew Here's... Because within that group, there's a group that can, with oral section, not in it.

35:20 Adam Well, now, let's see. I'm going to change the number a little bit and say, you know, get up to, like, 7% of the, you know, the group that can have it during oral, but the group that can't through anything.

35:31 Drew My bet, though, is if this guy could during oral, if he's not on meds and that kind of thing.

35:37 Adam This guy's got issues of talking about women who've broken his heart, sex is strangely that that every guy knows that's BS.

35:45 Drew I love strangely enough.

35:47 Adam I love it. By the way, I love it when women parrot back things that guys say to other guys that guys know is complete BS, like when super smoking hot 22 year old waitresses are explaining about how friendly their manager is and how he offered to help her with her calculus homework and how he said he could give her a ride and it's like and the guy goes, he's trying to F you. Oh my God. No, not Stu. Not Stu. Stu has a girlfriend.

36:20 Drew He's 47.

36:21 Adam Stu's just 41 years old, okay? And he's a vegetarian. It's not, no, not Stu and is it so hard to fathom that any guy might just, a guy just might want to be friendly?

36:32 Drew He gets even funner. He's a Buddhist. He has been, he lives by the book, the principles of the Dalai Lama and oh no, he would never talk about it all the time.

36:41 Adam I always love that. Yeah. Then I always say, look, you know, a couple of fat ass waitresses you got over there, Stu helping them offering, driving around, I just love it when hot chicks think guys are being friendly. And then when you accuse the guy wanting to have them, they're like, cause that's what you want to do. Those are your and I always get, I always make this mistake. Any guy I know would be, he'd be helping you with your homework and then pow, he'd be giving you wine, coolers, right? Every guy I know, every one of my friends, those are your friends. That's the other one I like. You realize you walk into that one when you do that, all my friends or oh my god, any guy I know.

37:20 Drew Here's where it goes weird is that there are guys that can sublimate all that. You can't see that that's their motivational priority. But it's there.

37:28 Adam I love those guys.

37:29 Drew Yeah, but that's actually a more civilized male. That's better, right?

37:32 Adam It is, yeah.

37:33 Drew It's a little more or less honest, but it's better, right? Because they can control it. They're still moving in that direction.

37:39 Adam It's always funny as a guy when you hear that other guy saying that. That's it.

37:44 Drew How about a guy that's super romantic? What do you think of that guy? Like a 20-year-old guy that's being super romantic in front of a young girl. What's the immediate thing that goes through your head with that guy?

37:55 Adam He's ruining it for everybody. He's ruining it.

37:58 Drew But I'm ready to think he's just completely manipulative.

38:03 Adam Yeah.

38:03 Drew Completely.

38:03 Adam Yeah, I can't stand it. And, you know, not an else thing I can't stand. And I just saw producer Anne thumbing through the Vermont Teddy Bear catalog. I did a commercial for Vermont Teddy Bear. So they said they'd give me a free Vermont Teddy Bear. And and, you know, Anne's like, well, you give it to your wife for for Valentine's Day. And it's like, no, it's no good for me. She'll know they gave it to me. And now it's useless. That's what I love about women. I'll give it I'll give it to producer Anne. She's fine. She's fine. I mean, if producer Anne and I were dating, she'd have no use for the Vermont teddy bear because I would then be getting it for free and therefore it's rendered useless. So I love about women as a guy. If she if God forbid your wife did something, she was a spokesperson. You know, my wife, Miss Makeda, and she's going to bring me a compound miter sliding saw. This is great. I said, get more stabbed a retarded guy and took it from her. That's beautiful. Yeah. Now, not not the chicks. Now it's no pain. They gave it to you. Now you're giving it to me.

39:10 Drew Hey, the first five callers again, speaking of pain on the air tonight, we'll get those of you that are over 18. The new animal uncut special edition DVD starring Rob Schneider featuring never been seen before footage. It's currently in stores and we will be giving out this our last night of giving it out. So do call in and we'll send it off to you. All right.

39:26 Adam We'll take a quick break. When we come back, we'll speak to Paul. Lesbian couple asked him to donate sperm. Sperm. To be dad. All right. Interesting. Talk to Paul after this.

39:38 Love Line, we'll be right back.

40:01 Adam There, buddy, it's Loveline, Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, Jack Osborne, in here tomorrow night. I was thinking, I think it was Saturday. Maybe it was Friday, as I was attempting to take a nap. No, it was Saturday. You know, when people always say you can nap when you're dead?

40:21 Drew No. Yes, they do, yes.

40:24 Adam They do say it.

40:24 Drew Yes.

40:25 Adam And then I thought, first off, I don't want to chance it, I thought to myself. Like, maybe you can nap when you're dead, but maybe you can't, and therefore, I gotta get in some napping before this whole ass house comes down, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and I thought to myself, no, don't chance it. Better nap, better nap now. You never know. And by the way, why? It's like saying you can eat when you're dead. Yeah, you could beat off when you're dead, you could F when you're dead.

40:56 Drew Or maybe not.

40:56 Adam Or maybe not. And as long as I can do it now, I'll go ahead and get my licks in.

41:01 Drew All these things.

41:02 Adam Yeah, all of them.

41:03 Drew I wouldn't delay any of them.

41:03 Adam Yeah, why should you? Yeah, see what I'm saying?

41:07 Drew There's all that logic. You wouldn't do anything in this life.

41:09 Adam Yeah, yeah.

41:10 Drew Because you can do all of them when you're dead.

41:12 Adam And by the way, if you can do it when you're dead, I'll have a head start on everyone.

41:18 Drew So much the better.

41:19 Adam I'll be like a world champion napper. I'll be having seminars on napping, you know, from hell.

41:23 Drew Purgatory.

41:24 Adam Yeah, purgatory. I'll be like, listen, you got a lot of novice nappers here. A lot of you with that familiar refrain of being able to nap when you're dead. Well, as it turns out, you can. And I've done a lot of napping when I was on earth. And I'm gonna clue everyone in on how to nap. Please pay attention. Turn to page 47 of your nap pamphlet.

41:43 Drew Paul 22.

41:46 Adam What's happening, Paul?

41:48 I don't know much. Adam, Funniest Man Alive, Dr. Drew. I really wanna get your book, man, but wasted the money on the Man Show DVD set.

41:59 Drew Hey, my book is gonna come out in paperback soon. So keep your eyes called Cracked. It's out in a hardback now, but a paperback will be released soon. So keep your eyes open.

42:06 I will be getting that soon, though.

42:07 Adam He's talking about the Man Show.

42:09 Drew Yeah, I heard that.

42:10 Adam Yeah, thanks for cutting him off, Wade.

42:12 Drew It's all about how he bought the Man Show DVD.

42:14 Adam And then what's going on to say, I wouldn't say wasted the money, but.

42:17 No, no, it was a good investment. Good investment.

42:20 Adam Thank you. I don't think we see any of that money, by the way.

42:24 Okay, here's the situation. I've known a lesbian couple for a pretty good while. I used to date one of them. They're going to Canada next year to get married. And soon after that, when they're financially stable, they want to have a child. And they're asking me to be the sperm donor. So what I was wondering was what the effect might be on myself emotionally and what kind of psychological effect this would have on the child in the long run.

42:55 Adam Well, first off, here's the deal you cut. You get to finish in the mouth of one of them and she's got to spit it in the other one. First you say, I'm going to be up front. That's the only way I operate.

43:08 Caller Yeah. Actually, your phone screener told me I should try to get some sex out of the deal.

43:14 Adam Yeah.

43:15 Drew You know, the entire organization is into manipulating your relationship with your friends.

43:21 Adam Also, like, you gotta go, like, I'm having a little trouble achieving an erection. Could you guys dyke off just a little bit, just to kind of get the blood circulating? Yeah, that's good. That's good. 69, that's perfect.

43:31 Drew Okay, be that as it may. The child, my recommendation would be have the child not know you're the father and just let them be the parents and that's that and find a male figure to be in his or her life. Drew, what?

43:45 Adam Let me ask you this. I know, we're gonna keep going with this, but it seems to me that if I got somebody pregnant and then she hooked up with some other guy and I never knew about it and then I found out at some point that I had a 13 year old son running around that was being raised by another, it would be kind of weird.

44:07 Drew It'd be weird, would you get over it?

44:10 Adam I would because I'm a robot. I mean, I come from A long line of robots. A long line of just robots that don't hug or know anything, no one cares. So I don't really care either. But I would get over it. Yeah, I'd get over it very quickly. But it would nag me a little bit. And I don't know if it wouldn't bother as much as it bothers guys who aren't robots emotionally. But I think it would be much better off if I said, here's my sperm, take it to Canada, have a kid. I wouldn't feel like that kid was mine.

44:46 Drew What if you continue to be friends with those girls?

44:48 Adam I still would, I suppose you would have some sort of bond that was above the bond that you would have with just a couple's child.

44:59 Drew There is sort of a genetic fitting, people theorize, between parents and child. That there's sort of an attunement that just specifically genetic fitted sort of resonance.

45:09 Adam All I'm saying, different scenario between, yes, you would, but different than ex-girlfriend who when we broke up, unbeknownst to me, was pregnant with my son or daughter and me giving a jigger of jizz to the Lesbo couples heading up north. I somehow, that would be a more mechanical scientific act.

45:35 Drew Wouldn't you wanna stay out of that child's life so you didn't confuse the child?

45:38 Adam I would wanna stay out of the child's life so I couldn't confuse me, really, that would just be weird.

45:43 Drew See, that's the thing, I think either you're gonna have to be completely in the child's life forever, which will be sort of confusing the child and how much of a commitment are you really gonna make and is the child gonna feel sort of, you're gonna undermine the lesbian parents?

45:57 Adam Plus then it gets weird later on in life.

45:59 Drew They're 22 and then when you get married, you're gonna pay for the wedding, and you're not a good dad.

46:04 Adam The kid's 13 and got caught beating off in class or something and it's all weird.

46:08 Drew What if it's a girl and the unavailable dad now becomes the alluring thing?

46:13 Adam Yeah, you'd wanna just.

46:15 Drew Stay out. You get out of there. We make a contingent on that.

46:20 Adam This is a good time, so. All right, so you can do it, but.

46:22 Drew Stay away.

46:23 Adam You're done. Jennifer?

46:25 Caller Yes.

46:26 Adam Your boyfriend just told you that he has herpes. Mm-hmm. He had unprotected sex two times.

46:32 Caller Uh-huh.

46:34 Adam Hold on, Drew. I always know what time it is. Don't worry. Unprotected sex two times, and you wanna know if you're gonna get herpes.

46:41 Caller Right.

46:42 Adam All right. We've had a phone line that the people at home can't hear is cut out.

46:50 Drew So we can't hear what the people are calling or saying to us.

46:53 Adam Yeah.

46:53 Drew But the home people can.

46:54 Adam Right. Which is really your worst case scenario, if you really think about it as a host. Yes. Everything from us not hearing what they say to me saying, oh, I didn't hear you because everyone else heard. And actually we had this problem for about a year before engineer Anderson explained to us that it was only us that couldn't not hear what they were saying. And I think there was a double negative. We'll take a quick break. We'll get back with Jennifer and her herpetic question after this.

47:25 Alright guys, here's the deal. Looking to hook up? Call the Dateline. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:30 Call the Dateline. One call is all you need to make.

47:32 Call the Dateline. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

48:12 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. All right, Drew Skir.

48:21 Drew Here we go.

48:22 Adam What's up there, buddy? I saw you on TV today.

48:24 Drew Really, on what?

48:26 Adam I don't know. Maybe it was like what happened to the Salina. You know, it's like one of these VH1, you know, the price of fame or something.

48:35 Drew Right, right.

48:36 Adam You popped up, I saw you about a second half and I changed it.

48:40 Drew Thanks.

48:41 Adam I gotta be honest with you.

48:43 Drew Good vote of confidence, nice.

48:44 Adam I just thought, I'll see him tonight. Listen, I would have changed myself just as fast.

48:51 Drew Oh, I know. That's why I don't take offense. I was more curious about some feedback.

48:58 Adam I had no idea what it was.

48:59 Drew But I tell you what, I think that was in that room that was made by the guy that built your new house. Yes. No, the next time it pops up, you can take a look at that room. It's unbelievable.

49:09 Adam Oh, at the Roosevelt?

49:10 Drew Yeah, at the Roosevelt.

49:11 Adam Oh, I should have watched it. Cause that's ironically probably fasting forward to some sort of home improvement type thing.

49:19 Drew The room, off the room they were filming and you go upstairs, it's the room where Gable and Lombard spent, like would hang out and hide out.

49:26 Adam Right.

49:26 Drew And it's got the beams. I mean, your beams painted the way yours have been restored.

49:31 Adam Yeah, yeah. You know, speaking of that, you know, I love the TiVo. I'm into the TiVo. I'm into the, you know, the satellite hooked in with the TiVo and everything. But I realize some shows don't really have a description. Therefore you don't really, like if you watch any, like I love watching those home improvement, home and garden, all that stuff, all those remodeling shows. And some of them are really interesting where they take some multi-million dollar custom home, they go from the planning phase all the way through to the finishing, furnishing it, multi-part series, and they're dealing with all the trials and tribulations. But most of them are just penny-anny kiss-ass thing where someone's goofball fat-ass neighbor has four dollars to remodel the living room while the other bitch goes over to the other house and only has enough for a sheet to stuff over her futon. And this kind of like super low rent, just sort of nonsense, some sort of game show.

50:30 Drew Yeah, but it's what the rest of us, the world has to deal with. I know you're literally, literally over there.

50:34 Adam I'm literally a millionaire.

50:35 Drew You no longer have to deal with the futon covers, but everyone else is dealing with that.

50:38 Adam Okay, fine, fine. I'm with you on that. And I realize, yeah, most people don't have huge budgets to put a second story on their castle. But in terms of viewing, whether you got the money or not, most people aren't building along with the people that are building on TV. It's much more interesting to see a guy have some sort of lucite hot tub that's dropped into the ceiling of his ballroom or something than it is to see some fat ass bitch use a masking tape in a creative way to save nickel on some crappy rumpus room she's doing at her neighbor's crap bowl house. You know what I'm saying? It's nothing in it unless you're actually physically doing it along with them. We found an old hubcap, we made it into a lampshade, that kind of stuff. Here's my point, here's my point. Put that down, Drew, you don't have to do that. No, we don't have to do that animal thing anymore. We did too, that's fine. Here's what I'm saying. They shouldn't all just say home improvement. You see what I'm saying? It should say fat ass chick takes six cents and tries to make over fat ass neighbor's house or a rich guy does something Adam would be interested in.

51:48 Drew There should be like little emblems then, should be like a little trailer.

51:51 Adam It should just tell you what it is. It's like I'm now on a speed vision or speed channel or whatever the hell they're calling it now. Retard NASCAR network is really what they should change the name to because they just, they pushed out went all into these NASCAR with all these retards watching this. Yeah, a lot of retards. Well listen, okay, let me just explain something to all you tards that like NASCAR out there and Sunny D and all the rest of your BS, your crappy music. I was yelling my wife today about stupid audience testing. You know, they got to do this audience testing. Jimmy Show, you know, the audience testing comes back. Would you want an audience or a group of people making any decision for anything? Would you want a group of people deciding what car you drove, what house you moved into, how you decorated, who you married and what music you listened. Would you want a group of a-holes? And my God, this country has many more idiots than it does smart people. You want this group making decisions for you?

52:51 Drew Yeah, but you're creating programming for that group.

52:53 Adam Screw that group. Here's my point. Ah, my point is Speed Racer. They finally put this Speed Racer on the Speed Channel.

53:03 Drew The cartoon?

53:04 Adam Yeah, Speed Racer, the cartoon.

53:05 Drew Oh my God.

53:06 Adam What do you think, it's a real life?

53:07 Drew No, I thought it was maybe, I thought there was something else in this culture I wasn't aware of called Speed Racer.

53:11 Adam Oh no, the cartoon.

53:12 Drew Yeah, wow.

53:12 Adam The one you grew up with.

53:13 Drew Yeah, yeah.

53:14 Adam Hey, watch that now, it's surreal because I haven't seen it since I was like eight years old and I thought it was the greatest cartoon ever devised. You watch it now, first you realize one guy did all 26 voices and he was like Spridle and Sparky and Pops and every villain, it was all the same guy. But literally two guys did every voice, I don't know, you couldn't just hire another guy to do a couple extra odd voices, okay.

53:35 Drew Very few of the takes moved.

53:38 Caller Yeah, a lot of stills.

53:39 Adam Stills though.

53:40 Drew Pictures of comics.

53:42 Adam Crazy wild scenarios that seem very plausible when you're nine years old now just seem insane. But here's my point. I wanna, I, look, I don't wanna, I'm a grown man. I'm a big boy now. I got napping, I got a masturbate, I gotta play air guitar. I don't have time to watch every episode of Speed Racer. But there are a few I wouldn't mind seeing. And Drew, you could probably name a few of your Speed Racer episodes too. But each time you plug it, you know, it comes up on the Tivo just as 18 year old boy racer takes on racing challenges.

54:12 Drew You wanna know which one?

54:12 Adam You had to say the Alpine race.

54:16 Drew The mammoth car. The Simpson clip, it'll say, you know, Yeah, right.

54:20 Adam You go, oh, Homer Steels Cable. I like that one. Yeah. I'm just saying, let's do that with all of them.

54:25 Drew I'm surprised they don't.

54:26 Adam Not the Speed Racer. And not anything on the HGTV or that Home and Garden or whatever that is.

54:31 Drew All right.

54:33 Adam Blabbing bitches with their, I got 50. Let me tell you something.

54:36 Drew Speaking of blabbing, let's take a call.

54:37 Adam All right, well, wait a minute. You got 50 cents to do a remod? Don't start doing it! Okay, that's all I got to say. Thank you. Jennifer? You're 22? Mm-hmm. What's up? Oh yeah, you got the... Yeah, you got the herpes. You might have the herpes. Drew's gonna tell you have the herpes. I'm gonna say you might have the herpes.

54:59 Drew I'll stay with the might. Your boyfriend, you've had sex with him twice, if I remember the story. And he now has finally told you that he's got the bug, right?

55:09 Yeah. We've been together for about six months.

55:11 Drew But you've only had sex twice.

55:12 No. No. We've had sex a lot more than that. But sex twice unprotected.

55:16 Drew And when was the last time that happened?

55:18 Probably about, I wanna say, three weeks ago.

55:24 Drew And have you had any symptoms?

55:25 No. Nothing.

55:27 Drew I think you probably are okay. Usually the primary infection with herpes, you kind of know it. You get pelvic pain. You feel weak and fever. You don't feel right for a week or so. And you get swollen glands. And then you get the big rash. And it hurts when you have intercourse. It hurts all the time. It feels like a horrible, horrible yeast infection. What was that? And you've had nothing like that. So the other thing you should know is there was some data that came out just last week that showed if you take once a day valacyclovir, Valtrex, that you can substantially reduce the risk of transmitting herpes, that it reduces the viral shedding, decreases the risk of an acute outbreak.

56:01 Adam Make it black belt and taekwondo, too. I've seen the commercials.

56:04 Drew Well, yeah, kickboxing. Yeah, kickboxing. But, you know, you should continue wearing the condoms and get on the Valtrex and that will probably keep you nicely protected.

56:12 Adam You know, you got the guy you've been with for six months. You want to move out of the condom phase. Shouldn't he get on the Valtrex?

56:21 Drew No, yes, he should. But that doesn't, that's not a perfect protection. I would still recommend people stay on the condoms.

56:26 Adam I mean, are they, you know, if they're serious, you're serious about, you're really serious about this guy, Jennifer? Were you pissed off that he waited six months to tell you about the herpes?

56:37 No, no, I wasn't. I got to like him before then. And then that was just, it's the only thing that's ever been wrong with him.

56:46 Adam So he was like ashamed of it. He didn't want to say anything.

56:49 He was very, very ashamed of it because he's only been with one girl and he gave it to him. And he would think he was sister for two years.

56:56 Adam It's hard luck, baby.

56:57 Drew Bad times.

56:58 Adam Yeah.

56:58 Drew Does that affect a guy's number? You know, the numbers?

57:01 Adam The herpes? Yeah.

57:04 Drew I'm wondering if the fact that if Jennifer is a number that's low for him and the fact that she's so accepting, well, you know how that could destabilize a relationship?

57:14 Adam Why would he only be with one girl? Jennifer.

57:17 Caller Mm-hmm.

57:18 Adam What do you look like? You attractive?

57:22 I think I am, yeah.

57:23 Adam But no one else does?

57:25 No. I've never had any problem with guys.

57:28 Adam No one's ever yelled at you, you're ugly or a witch.

57:31 Drew No.

57:31 Adam And tried to beat you? All right. So guys attracted to you?

57:34 Yes.

57:35 Adam Hold on. Let me talk to Drew for a second. Ladies, do not mistake guys wanting to hump you with...

57:42 Drew I'm attractive...

57:42 Adam .being attractive. And I'm not saying that Jennifer isn't. I'm speaking to the rest of the ones with the huge asses, but they have a rack and there's a lot of guys want to see their boobies.

57:50 Drew Yeah, be objective for yourself. Make yourself self-assess.

57:54 Adam Yeah, like...

57:54 Drew Don't use guys as the assessment tool.

57:59 Adam Right, right, it's like a turd feeling good about itself because a lot of flies, I get a lot of flies, a lot of action around me. Yeah, I'm not saying this is Jennifer. I'm just saying we'll talk to a lot of chicks. They're like, yeah, I'm 5'1, I'm 2'05, I got no problem with the boys. They like that. They want... I got a nice rack. I show it off. They want some of that. Okay, but if you go to the right place, there's some libations, you wear the right thing. There will always be a handful of guys going after you, but that doesn't mean... That does not mean you're hot, although maybe it's academic at that point, Drew.

58:35 Drew What do you mean?

58:37 Adam Well, who cares? So you're not hot. You got a bunch of guys trying to F you.

58:41 Drew Well, I just think you might...

58:43 Adam Jennifer?

58:43 Caller Mm-hmm.

58:44 Adam All right, so you're attractive. Well, what do you give yourself in the number department?

58:52 Drew Did we hear it? What was the number?

58:54 Caller Well, I'd probably give myself look-wise, I guess, seven or eight. I'm not stunning or anything like that, but I think my personality brings out a lot more character and makes me a lot more attractive.

59:05 Adam Well, you're working the personality and it's always a bad sign.

59:09 Caller I'm going to go ahead and deduct...

59:11 Caller I've never had any problem and... I've been told that, yeah, never had any problem with the boys.

59:17 Adam What do you do for a living?

59:19 Caller I work for a cell phone company and I'm a student.

59:23 Adam Junior college?

59:24 Caller No.

59:25 Drew Cal State Fullerton.

59:26 Caller Yeah.

59:27 Adam Cal State Fullerton? That's a push. You would have been hotter if you were in junior college. The number checks are a little higher. What do you do for the cell phone company?

59:35 Caller I'm an area manager.

59:36 Adam Area manager? Oh, some responsibility. Just lost half a point. All right. And the guy you're with?

59:44 Drew Mm-hmm.

59:45 Adam He's... Well, he's only been with one girl, so...

59:49 Drew It's a match.

59:50 Adam I'm feeling good about it. Please do not try to work in the personality, ladies. That's a killer. And look, if you're like talking to a guy over a computer or there's a blind date or something and you want to meet a guy, just tell people you have a horrible personality, but guys still like you plenty. Yeah, that's really... You would know you're dealing with a super-smoking hot chick, right?

1:00:14 Drew You're sending a signal.

1:00:15 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:00:16 Drew Guys interpret those signals.

1:00:18 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:00:20 Drew Based on their experience.

1:00:22 Adam Here's the whole thing, too. It's really... Don't start replacing the looks with the personalities. It's great to have a good personality, but it's like if someone said... If some chick said to me, like, well, do you have a big penis? I was like, I got a big personality. How about your ass?

1:00:41 Drew I've been told that makes my penis look bigger.

1:00:43 Adam Is your ass hairy? I'll tell you, my personality is smooth as a baby's bottom. I mean, that ain't gonna make them run across down. You see what I'm saying?

1:00:55 Drew What's even worse, though, is that for a woman that actually could begin to compensate, right?

1:01:02 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

1:01:03 Drew Horrible thing about men is...

1:01:04 Adam I gotta start working on that, though. A chick says, how you hung downstairs? You big? You got a big dork down there? I got a big, big personality, sweetie.

1:01:14 Drew How many times you get into that conversation anyway? I don't know.

1:01:16 Adam But the next time I do, pow!

1:01:18 Drew I was thinking about how confusing it is for women, for men, how women are. But you know, there's something that men do that does it confusing, too, and we're kind of getting at this a little bit tonight, which is men are very visually focused.

1:01:28 Adam Yes.

1:01:28 Drew But they really don't all have the same set of standards.

1:01:32 Adam Mm-mm.

1:01:33 Drew And that's confusing for women. It's like, okay, all right, it's the wave model. You guys all like that, right? No. No. No. Right? How do women... And I don't think there's any two guys that like exactly the same thing.

1:01:46 Adam That's...

1:01:47 Drew So this is where it gets confusing for women.

1:01:49 Adam Yeah. Now, this is like Kimmel's love of Jillian Anderson from X-Files. Great. You like pre-teen boys with page boy haircuts and freckles on their back and little pointy razor nipples. That's what you know. I love that woman. First off, she's a bitch. Secondly, she's got an A cup. Thirdly, why don't you go find yourself a nice 13 year old teenager to have sex with? No, he loves her. And fine, but it's no accounting for anything.

1:02:23 Drew That's right.

1:02:24 Adam And you know, not a fan of Minka.

1:02:29 Drew Of Derry. Oh my God.

1:02:31 Adam Number one Asian big boob queen. No, but I get these arguments at the at the off, you know, it's like that's sort of that, you know, this guy likes Britney Spears and that guy like Jessica Simpson and this guy likes Christina Aguilera and even that's kind of nutty for like the other one.

1:02:47 Drew Even those three sort of in the same realm, the guys go off the chart in different directions in terms of what's their sort of sweet spot.

1:02:54 Adam Yeah.

1:02:55 Drew What is, you know, what is a hot fudge Sunday for one guy is dog food for the next.

1:03:00 Adam Yeah.

1:03:01 Drew Right. It's just, and women have got to be going crazy trying to figure that because they're only recently coming to terms with the facts of how visually preoccupied men are.

1:03:09 Adam Right.

1:03:09 Drew And so now what? Because you can't control guys.

1:03:12 Adam No.

1:03:12 Drew Accounting for their taste. No. It's all over the place. Yeah.

1:03:16 Adam Yeah. Well, Drew likes a nice blonde. But I'll tell you, Drew's, we see eye to eye. I mean, Drew's a blonde man. I'm not so much a blonde guy, but we know what we like. Yeah. Good.

1:03:30 Yeah.

1:03:31 Adam Speaking of knowing what we like, you're 20. What's up?

1:03:35 Caller Okay. Well, all right. My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years, like for a while, for about a year. We were long distance. And during that time, like, you know, I was really, I was like 17 and I was really thinking about breaking up with him because, you know, like you're 17 and you're young and everything. So I cheated on him. And after that happened, like I decided that I really did want to be with him and I really do love him. And we got back together and we've been together after that for another two and a half years. And now, like, things are really bad. And I really think that we're going to break up and I don't know, like, would help or no, no, no, let it go.

1:04:12 Adam Let it go. You're trying to shoehorn this thing. And you got married.

1:04:17 Drew You don't have a kid, do you?

1:04:18 Caller Yeah, we do have a kid. We had a what?

1:04:20 Drew You have a kid?

1:04:21 Caller Yes. That's why I'm so, like, astounded that, you know, because I don't think that he ever really got over me cheating on him. And that's why I'm so, like, surprised that, you know, we had a kid and that's like a really big thing. And that's like, why would you have a kid with me if he never got over me cheating on him?

1:04:37 Caller Why would he have a kid with you?

1:04:38 Adam I'll tell you how he has a kid with you. When he gets drunk, he doesn't put a condom on, he forgets to pull out. That's why he has a kid with you. What, do you think he sat down with his, you know, got the, got the, got the, No, but come on. This is Mom, by the way.

1:04:55 Drew She sounds like she's 14.

1:04:57 Caller Why would he have, why would he sit down and have a kid?

1:05:00 Adam Why does anyone have a kid with anybody? They get, they don't have a kid with them. They get, they get a boner and they bust a nut. Why would he have a, why would he have a kid? Jesus Christ. What do you think he did? He, he, he got a temperature, put a thermometer in you, went away till you're ovulating and then said, hurry, you guys ran to the bedroom so you could have a kid? You're having, you had unprotected sex.

1:05:28 Caller Well, I know that's how we got the kid, but why would he take the chance of having unprotected sex with me if he was never over me?

1:05:34 Drew Oh, having him, wait a minute, were you from Michigan or something?

1:05:37 Caller No, I'm from, I'm from Ohio.

1:05:40 Drew Ohio, what are you doing in Phoenix?

1:05:42 Caller Uh, my dad lives out here.

1:05:43 Drew And where is he?

1:05:44 Caller Uh, he, I don't know, he, he lives down here. I don't live with him, I live in my, we live in our own place, but.

1:05:51 Drew You don't live with your boyfriend?

1:05:52 Caller No, we do. I live with my boyfriend.

1:05:54 Drew Why didn't you get married?

1:05:55 Adam Listen, when he said where is he, she thought he meant that.

1:05:57 Caller We never, we never wanted to. I don't know, we just never did. We didn't think, you know, when we had the baby, we just didn't think that that would be a good idea to just get married.

1:06:06 Adam Alright, well let's, let's see if we can, uh.

1:06:08 Drew I almost want to smack these two.

1:06:10 Adam Why?

1:06:11 Drew Just because we had the baby and think it was a good idea for the baby. I thought you.

1:06:16 Adam Well look, let me, let me explain a few things, Susan. This, this man of yours, what does he do for a living?

1:06:23 Drew Cook.

1:06:24 Adam He's a cook.

1:06:25 Drew Alcohol.

1:06:26 Adam Well, here's the point. First off, maybe it's Mal from Alice because I think he was in Phoenix and that was a cook. Is it, you're married to Vic Tate back? Here, here's the whole thing. You asking this cook guy with a boner why he wanted to plan a family with you is really like asking a raccoon why, why it ran toward the headlights in the, in the road. It didn't know. It's got no answer. It's a means thing. That's all. So, it's a stupid thing for you to mull over, over and over again. Secondly, you have a kid. You don't seem like you're that in love with the guy. Yeah, young guys do have difficulty getting over things like cheating and stuff like that. So number one, no more kids.

1:07:14 Drew But see, I think the, what's more likely that, yes, number one, no more kids. But the cheating thing, I think, is more symptomatic of how screwed up this relationship is to begin with. And the fact is, he was just clinging to her because he needed a life preserver. Now he's feeling a little more secure, a little more, you know, he's got a job. Now he's done with her.

1:07:31 Adam Well, I don't know if he's done with her.

1:07:33 Drew It's not that he can't go over the cheating thing, although that bothers him. Now he wants to get back at her, I'm sure. But the reality is he just feels secure now and ready to move on.

1:07:39 Adam How do you know he's done with her? Is he done with you, Susan?

1:07:45 Caller He acts like he is. And I, you know, I'm going, I'm doing things for my life. And that's another thing, like, I think he's a little bit depressed. I don't know, he all he does is work and he only works, like, you know, part time. And he's not in school or anything. And I how does it work?

1:07:58 Drew How does he if all he does is work? Well, you have five part time jobs?

1:08:01 Adam No, no, it just means all he does is work when he's smoking pot, watching TV.

1:08:06 Caller After work, he'll sit on the couch and smoke pot for the last two years.

1:08:09 Drew It's been like he's an addict. I mean, I mentioned that already. He's depressed.

1:08:13 Adam So Susan, do you need this guy in your life?

1:08:16 Caller No, I don't. It's just, you know, I do love him. And we do have a kid together. And I never wanted to, you know, break up. And I wouldn't have the guy's kid if I didn't think I wanted to be with him.

1:08:26 Drew But well, you may.

1:08:28 Adam I think you're not the brightest chick in the world. You're 20 years old. So, you know, what's your logic have to do with anything?

1:08:33 Drew I don't know how you reconcile this, except to say just philosophically, there's a child involved. They had to do their damnedest to try to make this relationship work. He needs treatment. The relationship needs treatment. Maybe if he goes to help us because I well, he's an addict. And so his addiction needs to be treated for this counseling to work, so to speak. But at it, counseling that should come up and be discussed. And his motivating him to get treatment will be part of the counseling process. And really, again, philosophically, you guys should get married, commit yourself to one another and then do the work together. You need to do to reconcile this on behalf of the kid.

1:09:05 Adam And here's the whole here's the whole thing. You need to now. Okay, here's another sounds trite. And it's all ground. We've been over before. But we never I don't think we've ever really broken it down this way, which is after you have a kid, your satisfaction in life or much of the things that you get a source of satisfaction from or a well-being from are things done on behalf of the child.

1:09:36 Drew It certainly should be.

1:09:38 Adam Yeah. You get a little nutty with it, Drew. But in general, you should be in that phase where it's great to see your kid play Little League. It's great to know that you've got to raise so that you could move into a bigger house or you could buy a safer car with an airbag. It's not all living for the kid. But at a certain phase in life, your achievements become that much better on behalf of the family or for the family. Now this is why you can't have a kid when you're 21 because you're just not in that phase where you're looking to make someone else happy and you really shouldn't be. I mean when you're...

1:10:15 Drew Biologically you're not... Man, in particular, you're not wired that way at all.

1:10:18 Adam When you're a 21-year-old guy, you're not... Your daughter taking her first steps is not... It's okay, but biologically it's not a great thing.

1:10:28 Drew You just mentioned how nutty I get with being that way on behalf of my own kids. Even I, as nutty as I am, that way at 24, 25, 21?

1:10:39 Adam No way.

1:10:40 No way. No way.

1:10:44 Adam So, it's hard to ask somebody to do that, I mean to go against this sort of selfish biology.

1:10:52 Drew Right. Even if they're wired to do that, they can't do it at 21.

1:10:55 Adam Drew was programmed to put himself in front of the speeding train for his family and even the guy who was programmed for it at 21, 24, 26 even. No. It was in no position emotionally to do another. I'm sure you would have, something would have turned on with you and you would have risen to the occasion.

1:11:16 Drew No, really the ultimate irony is because I'm so much the way I am, knowing I had to be ready to be able to do all that, I really knew I was not ready.

1:11:25 Adam Well, the point is, is so many people in this country aren't pre-wired to be that way, spit out a few kids, the guy's 20, 21, 22 and that switch, there's no switch to turn on. So I don't know, you know, it's certainly going on at 22 overall damage control. No more kids, condoms, condoms, condoms. You guys got to come together on behalf of the kid and work it out. Whatever it is, whether you stay together, where you break up, whatever it is, it's all for the kid. That's it. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:11:59 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:12:21 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Jack Osborne in here tomorrow night. Get the straight dope on Ozzy, amongst other things.

1:12:33 Drew We done showed Jack before? Yeah, he was up here with his mom last time.

1:12:36 Adam He's been up here alone, I think.

1:12:38 Drew Yeah, I just remember last time was with Sharon. I'm doing her show in like a week or so, something like that, too.

1:12:44 Adam Yeah?

1:12:44 Drew I'm doing it with Ozzy. I don't know what we're talking about, but he's coming back.

1:12:48 Adam I'm going with drugs.

1:12:49 Drew I would bet.

1:12:50 Adam Yeah. Let me make, let me point some out that I don't think is ever going to happen, but you know how you like the bang away? And I like the bang away, and we all like the bang away. Yeah. Yeah, and Chris likes bang away. Especially Chris likes bang away.

1:13:02 Drew They can tighten that down.

1:13:04 Adam They go ahead and take a crescent wrench to that. These are the foot stools. We have these sort of bar stools in here that we sit on, and it's great, but every single one of them has a sort of a circular foot rest, which...

1:13:19 Drew Which is under the seat.

1:13:21 Adam Yeah, it seems about right, but I hear him flopping around all night. Chris plays his, like he's in Cheech Rick. Yeah, it's just like, there's a Grateful Dead, they had two drummers. He plays it like he's playing two bass drums over there. Drew likes to sock his around. I like to kick mine around a little bit too. I'm gonna go down and see what happens. I was thinking about that. I beg your pardon? Yeah, just enjoy. You'll hear fly coming down at a certain point. Just close your eyes. Pretend like you're in prison.

1:13:52 Drew You wanna go down there and see what's going on?

1:13:53 Adam Yeah, I'm gonna go down.

1:13:54 Drew Right, I'll take line number five, yeah.

1:13:56 Adam All right.

1:13:57 Dave, you go down there.

1:13:59 Drew Dave is 18.

1:14:00 Dave. Hi, long time no see, first time caller. I like your guys' show.

1:14:04 Drew Great, Dave, what's going on?

1:14:06 I've been with a girl for a month now and I've never had sex before and we tried to this weekend and I don't know, after about 20 minutes she said she was tired and I kind of have a self-esteem problem. I don't know what I should do. I tried talking to her about it yesterday and...

1:14:23 Drew Hold on, hold on. Yeah, what are you doing? It looks bad, whatever that is.

1:14:28 Caller There's nothing broken on it.

1:14:30 Drew It's just that's the way it fits.

1:14:31 Adam It needs a set script. Yeah, this is the, I know you're gonna find it shiny. This is the world's worst decision for in-studio equipment.

1:14:38 Drew This equipment, yeah.

1:14:39 Adam Yeah, this actually, you know, I wonder if your guys clank on top of your, is yours, Chris, is yours on top of your wheel rider there? No, it's above it. All right.

1:14:52 Drew There's one.

1:14:53 Adam All right, anyway.

1:14:54 Drew That chair, ironically, the one that we're not sitting in probably doesn't do well. No, it doesn't.

1:14:57 Adam Everyone does it. It's the worst design ever.

1:15:00 Drew So Dave, here's the deal. You were having sex with her for 20 minutes?

1:15:03 Caller Mm-hmm. And she said she was tired.

1:15:05 Drew Well, she's not tired. She's starting to have pain after about 20 minutes. Many women can't go more than about 10 minutes.

1:15:11 Adam It's like, hand me your forearm. Let me do an Indian burn on you for 20 minutes.

1:15:15 Drew For 20 minutes. You're not tired. The skin's gonna wear through. She made, she very kindly.

1:15:20 Adam Tired of chafing.

1:15:21 Drew Yeah, she kindly put it in those turns, but the reality is she's hurting. You're doing just fine. Just stay, be her boyfriend and continue to pay attention to her and talk about how that was or wasn't for her, what she needs to have done to make it more comfortable or if she has an orgasm and what she needs and just communicate with her, that's all.

1:15:42 Adam You need to be like a concierge in a nice hotel. Like a hotel vulva. And you just, whatever you need, whenever you need it, you call on me. You want me to turn down your labia? We have a labia turn down service. Chocolate. Chocolate goes in, we put it vertically. It's a chocolate on your pillow. By the way, I know it's great, the chocolate on your pillow, but is there anything worse than you just have a big mouthful of chocolate before you go to bed? I always stare at the thing. You know, my big, here's my diet secret. I stare at the chocolate on the pillow, I put it on the nightstand, and I eat it an hour later. But the point is, is I don't, I don't dive on it. I usually dive on the bed, not hands first, mouth first. Hands at my side like a superhero.

1:16:30 Drew Here's the irony though, is that, like a fish, right, you're flopping to the chocolate. Here's the irony, so for an hour you think about it, by the time you slam that chocolate square in your mouth, now you're running over to the minibar. Because you've had an hour of thinking about eating, resisting it.

1:16:44 Adam I love the, I love the turn down, I love the knock on the door at 8.45 and they're, who the hell is, what the, just got my pants down here, watch, yeah, well Jimmy, who is that?

1:16:57 Caller Did I turn your bed down?

1:16:59 Adam It's like, how much do I gotta pay to do away with this service? I don't know, is there something you could check or something, I mean, there's gotta be some box that says, I don't need someone to come.

1:17:10 Drew You gotta put the sign out there, you gotta put the sign out.

1:17:11 Adam That's what I gotta do. Cause you forget about it at 8 o'clock at night, you're in the shower or something, you're in the, it's, what the, what can we do away with that by the way, as a hotel society?

1:17:21 Drew There's a lot of convention in the hotel that you can do with that.

1:17:25 Adam I need some chick to come in and pull the comforter corner off the thing and to fold it halfway back, okay. Zach, Zach is 14, he's gonna do the Germany or Florida routine with us, Zach?

1:17:40 Caller Germany or Florida, it's the 70's or Florida.

1:17:44 Adam Ken going to town over there. What's happening, Zach?

1:17:51 Drew No, I don't think that's the phone. I think Zach's like asleep or something.

1:17:54 Adam Oh really? Yeah. Zach's been on hold for 37 and a half minutes. Maybe he is. That's hard to tell, tonight's been so bad with the phone. What do you want to do?

1:18:05 Drew Pod him up one more time, just see if he's there. Zach?

1:18:09 Adam Zach?

1:18:10 Drew Let's see if you can hear him. See, that's open line. Don't hear him snoring though.

1:18:16 Adam Yeah, I get the feeling if the line was open, though we wouldn't be hearing anything because it'd be F'd up like it has been all night. All right, Zach, hang on. Maybe we'll get back to you. Charles. You're 20, what's up?

1:18:30 Caller All right, well, this is the problem. I've been masturbating since I was 12, since I can remember, you know. And after a while, when I pee, my pee goes to the side. Like, I mean, I tried correcting it by trying to masturbate with my left.

1:18:49 Drew Wait, wait, your pee goes to the side or your penis goes to the side?

1:18:52 Caller Well, my penis goes to the side.

1:18:53 Drew Yeah, well, that's sort of normal. You go to one side or the other. It's, you know, which side do you dress? The tailor will ask you.

1:18:59 Adam Focus.

1:19:02 Caller Is there any way to, you know, maybe correct that or?

1:19:05 Drew Let's put him on hold if you think he's focused. I don't think he has.

1:19:08 Adam I just had the idea of trying to go in with his other hand to straighten himself out.

1:19:12 Caller I tried. It doesn't work.

1:19:15 Adam Well, how do you know? How many times did you do it?

1:19:19 Caller I tried doing it about a month. I just gave up. It's not...

1:19:23 Adam You gave it a whole month with the left hand?

1:19:26 Drew After eight years of going the other way.

1:19:28 Caller Yeah. I mean, I got it down to where, you know, I can do it like maybe in the commercial.

1:19:34 Adam Oh, really? I can do it in 15 strokes.

1:19:42 Caller Uh, you got me there, then. Oh, no, no.

1:19:45 Adam It's not a play of the game.

1:19:47 Drew Yeah, it's named that bone.

1:19:49 Adam It's Jack That Dork. I can Jack That Dork in 15 strokes.

1:19:55 Drew Jack That Dork.

1:19:56 Adam No, no. Come on, Drew.

1:19:57 Drew I can Jack That Dork in 14.

1:20:01 Adam 12.

1:20:03 Drew Jack That Dork.

1:20:08 Adam There back is one, right? Or is that two?

1:20:11 Drew The rules will be worked out ahead of time.

1:20:13 Adam It'll be a good game to play.

1:20:14 Drew Oh, no doubt.

1:20:15 Adam That would be awesome. I mean, you just start, I don't know what is...

1:20:20 Caller One, two, one, two.

1:20:22 Drew Well, you're working that one.

1:20:23 Adam I'm just saying, you would start, it'd be like Name That Tune.

1:20:28 Drew Really?

1:20:28 Adam A lot of kids don't know Name That Tune.

1:20:31 Drew I see, that's true.

1:20:32 Adam I did like my strategy of dropping down, too.

1:20:35 Drew Yes, yes.

1:20:36 Adam That's very innovative. Very aggressive. I don't know, I'd have to work it out, but I think it would, for a guy who was a sort of champion, you know, pro-style jacker. Let's see, there back. Well, okay, let's do it this way, Drew.

1:20:52 Drew Up and back is one.

1:20:54 Adam Up and back is one. You're doing up and back every second.

1:20:58 Caller One, two, three, four.

1:21:00 Drew Yeah, roughly.

1:21:00 Adam Second, second, a quarter, a second.

1:21:03 Drew You got that confusing thing for women.

1:21:05 Adam Guys in championship form, he's having an orgasm in two and a half, three minutes.

1:21:12 Drew Yeah, which is 120.

1:21:13 Adam Yeah, 120 is two, 150. That's what I mean. So this is how we start the game. I'll jack that dork in 160.

1:21:22 Drew 150 strokes.

1:21:23 Adam 146.

1:21:27 Drew 42.

1:21:27 Adam 137.

1:21:30 120.

1:21:34 Adam Jack that dork.

1:21:36 Caller See how the game goes? Now that's a game you'd watch. We don't have to see you.

1:21:41 Adam It's just, you know, you got a little pony wall that's up to about the top, mid-chest, sternum high. You're just standing there. You got your shirt in your mouth though.

1:21:51 Caller Shirt.

1:21:53 Adam Shirt. 134.

1:21:56 Caller I put shirt back on.

1:21:59 Adam You got whatever form you want. The band plays like a flight of the bumblebee or something.

1:22:07 Drew The saber dance.

1:22:08 Caller You have like an expert.

1:22:10 Adam You have the same guys who work, you know, the guys, you know, the big fights have this compu-boxing where at the end of the fight, they go, the guy threw 587 jabs and 426 power punches. You have that same guy. Whoever's tally, he's got a little clicker. He's like a bouncer at a popular bar.

1:22:27 Drew We have a laser sort of...

1:22:29 Adam Yeah, you break the...

1:22:30 Drew You have to break the beam.

1:22:33 Caller People would watch your show.

1:22:35 Adam I'm telling you. It's up to here. Sweat, you know, beating on the forehead. He sees his mom waving in the audience. He's like, Christ, no, mom. Mom's out in the audience. Thumbs up. You can do it.

1:22:51 Drew But let me answer Charles' question.

1:22:52 Adam Playing for like a Chevy Tahoe. You know, it's only some sort of American... No, it's never quite the upper echelon SUV. It's that sort of one that's kind of in the middle somewhere.

1:23:06 Drew So, Charles, you can get...

1:23:07 Adam Check that door.

1:23:08 Drew You can't.

1:23:10 Adam This would be great.

1:23:12 Drew It would be great. The dork is a little too hard. It's going to be like Jack That...

1:23:18 Adam Let's see. Rod?

1:23:20 Drew Bones, something.

1:23:23 Adam Let's just say... Again, one more time, real quick.

1:23:25 Drew Let me get the question. Did you get a Peyronie's condition, which is where the penis gets pulled over to the side where there's some trauma or scarring? And 800 units of vitamin E a day may help. There are all sorts of surgeries. And also, again, what you're doing, sort of laying off the trauma may heal itself.

1:23:42 Adam Okay, now here's the other one. Here's how it works. Now we start sweetening the pot with the Jack That Dork. I mean, we start upping the ante a little bit, which we get the bone around. And now it's like... Speed jack. Around. Look, we got a 8x11 picture of your grandma. Or we're putting her up on the big screen monitor. There'll be no looking down. There'll be no closing your eyes. Or we're going to show Schindler's List. You know, whatever. The picture of Vietnam of that little girl's running around, clothes are burnt off from napalm. You know, whatever it is, I can jack that dork at 175.

1:24:28 Drew 174.

1:24:30 Adam 168.

1:24:35 Drew 67. Jack that dork.

1:24:39 Adam You got your grandma up there. Crowd's going nuts. And it becomes like, you know when they're shooting free throws or trying to kick a field goal and they own the road, you know, a hostel stadium, people are, I call a time out, see if I can freeze you.

1:24:53 Drew Part of the strategy there is you want to get it down as low as possible, but you don't want to do it.

1:24:57 Adam Right.

1:24:57 Drew You want to get the other guy down to impossible range, but you don't want to be the one that has to do it.

1:25:01 Adam Yeah, no, it's a strategy. I think we could get to Carlo to host it. I really do.

1:25:07 Drew I think Jeff Probst did.

1:25:08 Adam Oh, Probst? Well, we'll go after Probst.

1:25:10 Drew He can imagine doing the interview after.

1:25:12 Adam We'll go after Probst. Guy's sitting there, he's mopping his brow.

1:25:17 Drew Well, Corolla.

1:25:19 Caller Yeah.

1:25:19 Adam The picture grandma on her casket, I got to admit, did slow me down a little bit, but I was able to focus. I did some wrestling in college, so I know what it's like to be disciplined.

1:25:29 Caller Oh, my God. All right.

1:25:31 Adam We'll take a quick break. I'll be right back after this. Loveline! I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. What's up, Drew?

1:26:01 Drew I just want so badly to create something like that for CNN or MSNBC. Do you think the time is right for somebody to sit down and just start talking late night on those network stations?

1:26:12 Adam I guess. As opposed to what? What are they doing now?

1:26:15 Drew As opposed to just political commentary and that kind of thing. Just sort of, I just imagine a show where you just sit down and sort of Larry King-esque. But just sit down and talk about much more real discussion about what's going on in the world, or health issues, whatever. Whatever is pertinent to that day even.

1:26:33 Adam I just like when Larry King has Madonna on and calls her Madonna. Like she's some horrible past to get through. Settlers to who are heading west. And I like when he calls her Madonna. And then I also like the fact that her kid's name is Lourdes and he says, Madonna, you have a beautiful daughter, Lourdes. Which is what you would say if you're an old guy and you're just reading. I guess the word or the name Lourdes is probably L-O-R-D-E-S. It is, yeah. Or L-O-E-E-E. I would probably just say Lourdes too if I was reading it. But that's what's great about being old. It's like, I screw it, I don't need to go. I need to ask anybody what this is. Madonna. My favorite, I love when the A gets yanked off and the R gets shoved in there. I find that amazing, especially since there are plenty of words where you need the R and that gets whacked off and then the A gets put back on. That's Madonna and water. My favorite is, what the hell, we're making fun of it on Kimmel. No, it's when Barbara Walters was doing an interview, did a whole thing with Kelly Ripa. And she just called her Kelly Ripper the entire time. And it was comical, she was like, Kelly Ripper gets up at 5.30 every morning and does the Regis and Kelly Ripper show. Then Kelly Ripper goes straight to the studio. How does Miss Ripper make so, as she just kept calling her Ripper. It's like, her name is Ripa. And it just made me, nobody stepped in and said, hey, hey you nutty old broad, earth to nutty old broad. It's a name. You know what I mean? You're mispronouncing the person's last name, it's not Ripper.

1:28:36 Drew They don't hear it, they don't hear themselves at all.

1:28:38 Adam I know, but this is what made me think that everyone she works for is scared of her. Because in a second, if the people weren't, they'd be like, hello, hey Barbara, or Barbara. It ain't Ripper, it's Kelly Ripa.

1:28:55 Drew Did you meet her, when you were on there, did you meet her?

1:28:58 Adam The view?

1:28:59 Drew Yeah.

1:29:00 Adam No, I don't think she was on.

1:29:01 Drew She's pretty high strung.

1:29:03 Adam Barbara is?

1:29:03 Drew Yeah, she's very nice, very nice. But she, I mean, she, I wouldn't want to tangle with her.

1:29:07 Adam Oh, I think she was in Sarah Toger. Carmen?

1:29:14 Yes.

1:29:15 Adam Carmen, you're 21.

1:29:17 Caller Yes.

1:29:18 Adam What's up?

1:29:21 Caller I'm 21 and my husband is 22 and we got married about seven months ago. And in this time, we've been together for about four and a half years. But his penis is crooked downwards. Like, I don't know, it's crooked downwards.

1:29:44 Drew Now, I always thought that might not be such a bad thing because that's sort of the direction the vagina goes, kind of downward like that. But we had Dr. Alter up here, who's actually coming up to replace, is gonna be up here next week while I'm out of town. And he was saying that he often has to correct that curve surgically because it falls out a lot. It's painful for women when guys have that downward curve.

1:30:05 Adam Well, you wanna know what to do about it?

1:30:08 Caller Yes. Is there a way to fix it?

1:30:11 Drew Again, he can try the-

1:30:14 Caller It doesn't hurt me all the time, but sometimes it does.

1:30:20 Drew He can try the vitamin E 800 units a day. And then if not, listen on Thursday, Dr. Alter will be in here. I think it's Thursday, isn't it?

1:30:27 Adam Yeah, here's the-

1:30:29 Drew Wednesday, I think he'll be in. He'll be talking about this kind of thing.

1:30:31 Adam Here's the deal, popsicle sticks and zip ties.

1:30:35 Caller Popsicle sticks and zip ties.

1:30:39 Drew And epoxy.

1:30:39 Adam Here's the whole, no.

1:30:41 Drew No?

1:30:42 Adam The zip ties are good enough. I'd hold it against the stick. Here's the whole thing. And plus you want adhesive that's got some flex on it, like a subfloor adhesive. Something that doesn't get hard, it'll get brittle. Things that dry hard break, they get brittle. Okay, no, not you, Carmen. Listen, there is a surgery, he doesn't want to do that unless it's a real serious situation. Right. Eat the 800 units of vitamin E. That'll help according to Drew, though. I don't believe it. But it couldn't hoit, as the Jewish doctor says. And Dr. Alter, the guy who has a very strange name or an apropos name because he does the section of gender reassignment, sorry, bigger euphemism than gender reassignment, by the way.

1:31:30 Drew Do you mean if you ever push him again a little bit in that business about you being a three-limbed person caught in a four-limbed body?

1:31:39 Adam Of course, he had nothing to say about it. He, here's the whole thing is you think, well, the guy's a, he's a doctor, he's a urologist, he's a plastic surgeon. I mean, Drew is a doctor, can tell you this is a fairly brilliant guy. I mean, to know what he knows, to be one of the few guys who has both those boards and both certifications is pretty, pretty crazy.

1:32:02 Drew Oh my God.

1:32:03 Adam I mean, it'd be like being on the Olympic hockey team and on the Olympic gymnastics team. I mean, it's pretty amazing stuff.

1:32:09 Drew He went back and got his plastic boards when he was like late thirties. I mean, your brain's dried by then.

1:32:14 Adam It's crazy. But so he's definitely an impressive guy. But as we've talked about, he's used his genius for evil, much like Lex Luegler. So we'll talk to him. Anyways, he's a compelling guy and he'll be in here Wednesday or Thursday or whatever this week. We'll talk to him about this Peronies and how it goes. But yeah, the whole idea of he's doing the Lord's work because it's a, after all, there's a woman trapped inside a man's body. I just, I like, I just love how that's passed. It's sort of like right up there with wardrobe malfunction. Really? What's that mean? Does that mean anything? I just, I just like, we've, oh, oh, I don't, oh, I see. And what about me? I got Napoleon trapped in me. Nothing? Oh, oh, oh, I'm nuts. I'm nuts because Napoleon is trapped in me and you're, you're a victim because there's a woman trapped in you. Really? They're not the same thing.

1:33:12 Caller We're both not nuts, only I'm nuts.

1:33:15 Adam I'm nuts because I got the Emperor of France trapped in me and you got, you got a chick trapped in you. Oh, you're, you're saying, you poor guy, was she forced into childbirth? When did she, when was she, when she crawl up your ass? When did she show up? No, you're nuts, just like I am. Thank you. We'll be back after this.

1:34:28 Caller Well, that's sure, buddy.

1:34:30 Adam What do you know?

1:34:30 Caller Mercifully.

1:34:31 Adam Jack Osborne in here tomorrow night. So until next time, this Adam Krohler for Dr. Drew is saying Mahalo.

1:34:42 This has been Lovelin The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Sunday, February 8, 2004