Episode 1000588599031

1:10 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, diction medicine specialist. Ron Jeremy in the studio tonight. Ron is the porn star that wouldn't go away.

1:18 Drew Oh, that's nice.

1:19 Adam Well, what?

1:19 Drew Board certified over here, and he's the guy that won't go away.

1:21 Adam Well, here's what I mean is, he thinks-

1:23 Ron Jeremy You mean in the best sense of that.

1:24 Adam And I got a lot of praise to heap on Ron.

1:27 Drew He wouldn't want me to go away.

1:28 Adam By the way. No, I've been a fan for many years, but you do think, you did think, well, you hear, you know, he gets a little publicity, makes a little noise, but he's not gonna, and no staying power, but I guess that's what you need as a porn star.

1:41 Ron Jeremy He's got nothing but staying power. He has nothing but staying power.

1:45 Adam Yeah, and how can you argue with a guy who's been in the business as long as Ron has? But I'll tell you a couple of things. First off, I need the movie Spank Me, F Me. I don't know how many times we have to go over this.

1:58 Drew I can't find that one.

1:59 Adam Now you don't even know what it is.

2:01 Drew My friend Moss bought you a whole bunch of movies.

2:02 Adam I got the Taboo series, which is fantastic.

2:05 Ron Jeremy I've not witnessed these yet.

2:06 Adam I've been looking for Spank Me, F Me for a long time.

2:10 Drew My friend will find Spank Me, F Me.

2:12 Adam You're in there with Minka.

2:14 Drew I could find that, I could find that. I'll get that one.

2:16 Adam She's the number one Asian big boob queen.

2:18 Drew She's huge, their boobs are the size of our head. She's huge.

2:21 Adam That's right.

2:22 Drew I'll find that for you.

2:22 Adam Now Drew, wasn't I saying how much I love this surreal life the other night and possibly the night before?

2:28 Ron Jeremy Yes, and Ron was sort of the she.

2:29 Adam Spellbound. The brains of the operation over there. My God, the losers that are in that house.

2:36 Drew Oh, that's just wrong.

2:36 Adam Oh, they're Tracy Bingham. Holy Christ.

2:39 Drew That's one good looking girl, isn't she?

2:41 Adam Good looking, but the brain is pure evil.

2:44 Drew As you see, as more episodes come along, we have six episodes, and you'll see that people soften. There's a lot of controversy, but fun endings when we get along. It's the making up that's the best part. We go to a nudist camp. We also, we go to a diner next episode where we all work at a diner, and Gary Coleman is our boss.

2:59 Adam The guy that seems, and Drew, hold on. We'll get to taboo too in just one second. The guy that seems the most level headed other than you is probably Eric Estrada.

3:08 Drew Sure, he's a father, has kids, you know.

3:11 Adam Is it that sort of male thing where you stop producing testosterone? You got, you know, you're like us, you're waiting to die.

3:19 Drew Oh, gosh.

3:20 Adam You don't want to get hassled along the way, but the estrogen production goes up, testosterone goes down.

3:27 Drew Last time I was on the show, we discussed colonoscopies, I remember.

3:29 Ron Jeremy I had one about two weeks ago.

3:30 Drew Well, congratulations, how'd you do?

3:32 Ron Jeremy It went fine.

3:33 Drew I had a sample, I was fine too. It's not quite as thorough.

3:35 Ron Jeremy I had a polyp.

3:36 Drew Oh, you had a polyp?

3:37 Ron Jeremy Sample negative.

3:38 Drew Dr. Drew had a polyp. So that means that if you had not gotten it done, that's right.

3:42 Ron Jeremy Could have been a trouble. And the stool sample.

3:46 Drew Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Drew had a polyp.

3:48 Ron Jeremy But I'm walking the walk.

3:51 Drew That's good to know. I had a sample, which is not quite as good.

3:54 Ron Jeremy I'm telling you, I had a sample that was negative.

3:55 Drew Oh, I see.

3:55 Ron Jeremy At the exam, it was positive.

3:56 Adam What's the sample?

3:58 Ron Jeremy He had a Fisher stool out of the toilet.

3:59 Adam Oh, really?

4:02 Drew He did it when he was doing a prostate check.

4:03 Adam Right. All right, well, the Surreal Life, Sunday nights at nine o'clock, best show the WB has. I watched it last Saturday, or last Sunday, I should say, I was captivated. I came in buzzing about it. And everyone's good. Vanilla Ice is good. Tracy Bingham is fantastic. She's such a cooze on this show. Trishel is good from the real world. And who am I missing?

4:30 Drew Tracy Bingham, of course, from Baywatch, and of course, our star, Tammie Faye.

4:34 Adam Oh, Tammie Faye, yeah.

4:35 Ron Jeremy He just called Tracy Bingham.

4:39 Drew It's a bizarre group of people and crazy things happen. We deal with the community. We give our brownies to the community. We go to a nudist camp. We put on a play for children.

4:47 Ron Jeremy You're only there for two weeks.

4:48 Drew We're there for 12 days, no phones, no computers, no TV. We have to interact. We also had two pets, a parakeet and my pet tortoise named Cherry.

4:56 Adam Now, when he says pet tortoise, he means that's when he pulls a scrotum up over his penis and dances around the house.

5:02 Drew That was one of my jokes. The place was designed to look like Austin Powers. It was Glen Campbell's old mansion. They made it very Austin Powers-y. So, I bought a turtle to poke his head out. Some people got that, some people didn't. But it really is a pet tortoise, though, that's for sure.

5:14 Adam Are you allowed to have those? Don't they carry hepatitis?

5:16 Drew No, you're worried about the thing called...

5:18 Ron Jeremy Arizona Hinshawyi.

5:20 Drew No, it's called... Salmonella. Salmonella, but in some states, you can't even own a turtle. That's what I'm saying.

5:26 Ron Jeremy That's the little ones, that's the little...

5:27 Drew Yeah, but what is the thing about them?

5:28 Ron Jeremy That's why you don't see those anymore. The little ones you had when we were kids? Yeah. Salmonella.

5:31 Drew I don't get it. What is it they can carry, some kind of diseases?

5:33 Ron Jeremy Bacteria.

5:34 Drew They just say if you just wash your hands before you eat, you're fine.

5:38 Adam Let's keep moving forward.

5:39 Ron Jeremy Anyway, enough of the infectious diarrhea talk.

5:42 Adam Surreal Life, excellent show, Sunday nights on WB. Are you going to the nudist camp?

5:48 Drew We go to the nudist camp. You'll see which of us gets nude, which of us don't, who's bottomless, who's topless.

5:52 Ron Jeremy I bet Ron's last.

5:53 Drew Tammy Fay gets upset. Oh yeah. That's funny. It's funny you're saying that. As we were playing volleyball, Vince Neil was there with his girlfriend. She was the first one to pull her top off. You show nudity, you win points. It's a nude volleyball game. Now I say it's too typical. The adult film actor takes his clothes off. I say I'll make you all a deal. Anyone in this cast takes off their clothes, I'll go second. Smart huh?

6:13 Adam Who stepped up?

6:14 Drew You'll see. Oh yes. But it's funny as Tammy Fay got very upset. I said Tammy, wasn't didn't the Lord say we're all, we're born this way. Where's that something in the Bible against nudity? When she was very upset about the whole thing and she really was upset.

6:26 Adam It's surprising when you find out these televangelists are actually religious people. Like you think, it's like thinking Chuck Connors is actually the gunman or the rifleman. You know what I mean? Or Mannix or something like that.

6:38 Drew She's actually a very, very, very nice lady. You know, the majority of her audience, she does a one woman show. She travels around the country in Canada, singing and doing a comedy act and preaching the Jesus. And the majority of her audience is gay. 99% of her audience is gay. Look at the audience, it's all gay.

6:53 Adam They love cancer.

6:53 Drew And the church is not too crazy about gays either. They're not allowed to go to heaven if they're gay, supposedly.

6:58 Adam But gays aren't there for entertainment, they're there for camp value.

7:01 Drew That could be it. But her audience is gay.

7:03 Adam All right, so is ours. You ready to go, Drew? All right, Ron is here. Please find me the spank me eff me. And don't make me beg.

7:11 Drew All right.

7:12 Adam It's gonna get horrible.

7:13 Drew We can't have that happen. Oh, by the way, you said it was on Channel 5, KTLA of course.

7:17 Adam I told, what?

7:19 Ron Jeremy In Los Angeles.

7:19 Adam I said the WB.

7:20 Drew Yes, that's Channel 5 here in Los Angeles.

7:22 Adam Yeah, don't worry about Los Angeles.

7:24 Drew Listen.

7:24 Ron Jeremy You're talking to people all over the country.

7:26 Adam Let me tell you something. I opened a Hustler about five years ago. I saw, I read the review to Spank Me, F Me. It has Minka and Kayla Cleavage in it.

7:37 Ron Jeremy You've been trying to find it ever since?

7:39 Adam Ron starring, it wasn't a great, it wasn't real flattering. It was like the women are handling these big jugs. Ron Jeremy's handling a sizable gut of his own. I mean, and not a flattering.

7:52 Drew Not to mention the Schmeckle.

7:53 Adam Not a flattering.

7:54 Ron Jeremy But you had to see it.

7:56 Adam But I had to see it and I thought to myself, where do you find this thing? I don't know where to find this movie. Then I thought, you know what? I'll just call my local adult video store and I'll write it.

8:06 Drew It's hard to find.

8:06 Adam And I called them and I said, yeah, and you know you get real serious when you're talking about pornography? Excuse me, yes, I'm looking for an adult title. I'd like to, it's called Spank Me, F Me, and I actually said F.

8:22 Drew Who thought up that creative title? They wanted to know.

8:24 Adam And the guy was like, huh? And I said, spank me, F me? And he said, what? And then I just came out and said, spank me. I said the entire word and he hung up. And then I immediately got angry.

8:36 Drew It's hard to find, I think.

8:37 Adam Why are you calling it this? So I can be, is I can humiliate myself in the video store and then get hung up on? Just call it, call it, you know, Ron Meets Minka or something. Yeah, give us a modicum of dignity when we try to find this thing. What to get hung up on? I mean, do you want to work the F word right into the goddamn title? It's how you're going to move this thing.

9:00 Drew I didn't title it, by the way. I think it's a Metro film because they have a compilation. I think I can get ahold of it through Metro Interactive.

9:06 Ron Jeremy Speaking of working at a title.

9:07 Adam Oh yeah.

9:08 Ron Jeremy We got to talk about Cabin Fever.

9:09 Adam We do?

9:10 Ron Jeremy Yeah. We're going to be doing this for the next four nights. Robin, hold, Ron, just hang on for one second here. Tonight, just like last night, everyone over 18, 18 and over will get a free DVD of the movie Cabin Fever. Apparently it's quite interesting with lots of backstage kinds of interviews and that sort of thing. It'll be available on DVD starting January 20th. For those of you that have to go out and purchase it, not those of you who win it. And those who win will be, this is the cool part of the whole thing, automatically entered into a drawing to win a trip for four to Whistler. Airfare, to cabin, lift tickets, everything included.

9:39 Adam How about those losers send over a couple of copies, by the way?

9:43 Ron Jeremy Yeah, Lauren.

9:43 Drew Do you have any of those copies here?

9:45 Adam No, we don't have any of the copies.

9:46 Ron Jeremy We want to see Cabin Fever.

9:47 Drew You guys want to laugh? My face is in that movie.

9:50 Ron Jeremy Really?

9:51 Drew I could, but I'll tell you why. The bad guy who played James DiBello, who was in Detroit Rock City, he was a Ron Jeremy T-shirt for about one half the movie. Oh, really? I got so many phone calls about Cabin Fever. It's Lionsgate produced it. I had executives at Lionsgate telling me that you were all over this movie.

10:06 Adam You know what I like about Ron?

10:07 Drew My name and my face is on there. I gave him the T-shirt on Detroit Rock City.

10:11 Ron Jeremy I'm saying they don't want you to ask for money for the.

10:13 Drew No, of course not.

10:14 Adam He may be a Haggard porn star, but he's a chew first.

10:19 Drew He's Haggard. No, I mean, I would call him Oscar Pease with him.

10:22 Adam Seasoned a porn veteran, but he's a chew first. You know, he knows Lionsgate. He knows the producers. He's got everyone. He's dropping everyone's name. He's networking. You see what I'm saying?

10:32 Drew Not a lot of folks have my face on a T-shirt.

10:36 Adam I would reckon. And by the way, what a great time it is to be Ron Jeremy. Living in this Sodom and Gomorrah ask judgment free environment.

10:47 Drew Oh, God.

10:47 Adam Well, the nobody is what I'm saying. And that the take this in the context, which it's explained in the spirit in which I was intended, which is some years ago and not so many years ago, a guy like Ron Jeremy would be living on the sort of fringes of society. I mean, you'd be making a living. You'd be making a decent living. You'd have your circle and stuff, but you'd probably not be welcome into a lot of circles. I mean, mainstream society.

11:15 Drew I couldn't go to a wedding and put something in the punch bowl. I understand.

11:18 Adam Right. And now, A, where people just have bigger fish to fry than castigating porn stars. I mean, we're thinking about catching terrorists and this mad cow disease. Everything under that. Right. The SARS, everything in, you know, China, Korea, everything under that turns into sort of entertainment. And a guy like Ron just becomes a sort of friendly mascot for the porn industry and he's woven his way quite seamlessly into the mainstream fabric of America.

11:48 Drew I'm ready to cry right now and salute the flag.

11:51 Adam Thank you. All right. Just use your hand.

11:53 Ron Jeremy It scares me when you say salute.

11:55 Drew Can we join hands to sing the other world, guys?

11:58 Adam Andrea? You're 20?

12:01 Caller Yeah.

12:01 Adam What's up?

12:02 Caller I had the flu last week and they put me on Vicodin because my whole body hurts so they just put me on Vicodin.

12:11 Adam Did they do that?

12:12 Ron Jeremy Yeah. Or codeine. The flu can be so painful. And?

12:20 Caller After I was done with the medicine, I'm like totally emotional.

12:25 Ron Jeremy Oh, you're withdrawing from it. How long were you on it for?

12:28 Caller For a week, I guess.

12:30 Ron Jeremy I thought you were going to ask, you were going to allude to being emotional while on it. I have some patients who put on opiates like that and they start sobbing and they feel dysphoric and horrible.

12:39 Adam But maybe that's how they really feel. And the medication is just to open them up to that.

12:45 Ron Jeremy Thank you, Mr. 1974.

12:46 Adam Think about it, dude.

12:47 Ron Jeremy Yeah, dude, my head will explode. No, it's a biological alteration, their mood function. But also withdrawal can be. And do you crave the drug?

12:56 Caller No, I was only on it for what, a week?

13:00 Ron Jeremy No, I understand, but some people can get it. Well, do you want it or not? Do you think about it a lot? Do you wish you had it back, anything like that? No. No. Okay, so you're just having some residual effects. That will go away in about three to five days.

13:12 Adam And what about the wisdom of putting people on Vicodin when people fall in love with it in a very short period of time?

13:17 Ron Jeremy It's a really interesting question. The first thing you learn in medical school is how to take pain away. It's very satisfying. And you wanna, and stopping suffering is sort of one of the things you're trying to do as being a physician, and opiates do that, but it's very difficult to judge.

13:31 Adam I know, we're talking about a 20-year-old chick with the flu here, you know, and she's supposed to drink some tea and eat some top ramen, sort of cut it out for a few days.

13:38 Ron Jeremy That's right, and if she had the genetic setup for an addiction, she could have started that ball rolling.

13:43 Adam And what about just in general, without getting too philosophical, Ron, you can weigh in here, which is, in general, telling everybody, don't worry, here's a pill, it'll go away, you're suffering, you're pain. I mean, the sort of tests historically that if life puts in front of you are all gonna go away.

14:02 Ron Jeremy Not a good thing, necessarily.

14:04 Adam Yeah, a 20-year-old gets the flu, a 20-year-old should suck it up for a few days.

14:07 Ron Jeremy Yeah.

14:08 Adam Are you hearing an echo in your head, by the way?

14:10 Ron Jeremy A little bit, yeah, I think it's...

14:11 Drew That's the sound of the flu.

14:13 Adam The echo? Oh, you guys aren't hearing it.

14:15 Drew Is it still prevalent right now in America, right at this moment?

14:18 Ron Jeremy It's coming down.

14:19 Drew Epidemics dropping now?

14:20 Ron Jeremy Yeah, substantially. The flu. Particularly out here in Southern California, we had it, boy, it was bad.

14:25 Drew So it's eased up a little bit, that's good to know.

14:27 Adam Ashley. You're 17?

14:30 Caller Yes.

14:31 Adam What's up?

14:33 Caller I lost my virginity probably about a month ago. And just recently, probably about a week and a half ago, I've been like, I shaved down there, but also like I broke out like little bumps, now like down like more, like it's kind of like a rash almost.

14:48 Ron Jeremy Yeah, but you don't think it's from the shaving?

14:50 Caller No, because like the bumps from that, like I know what those are like, so.

14:57 Ron Jeremy Are these blisters?

15:00 Caller No.

15:01 Ron Jeremy Do they hurt?

15:01 Caller Like irritation, no, just irritation. They don't hurt.

15:05 Ron Jeremy Hard to know what that is. It may just be some more folliculitis, which is what you're describing before from the shaving, or it could be a real sexually transmitted disease.

15:14 Drew How long does it take? Let's say, God forbid, it was like, you know, herpes or something. How long does it take after contact with a person?

15:23 Ron Jeremy A sort of an unknown, although some people will be very dogmatic about it, say it has, you know, first there's a week of, you know, when the virus is building up, and then you get a flu-like syndrome, and then your glands swell up in the inguinal area, and then you get this painful outbreak within, you know, 10 days or so. I have seen people that swear it was the day before.

15:39 Adam They mean the day before.

15:42 Drew The next day.

15:43 Ron Jeremy The next day they got it.

15:43 Drew But how about warts?

15:45 Ron Jeremy Warts can be anything. It's usually weeks and weeks for that, but it can be years and years for that too.

15:49 Drew So warts, if someone got something a week later, chances are it would not be warts.

15:52 Ron Jeremy No, no, no, warts, they're just, it's just a skin tag.

15:55 Drew Oh, it's a papilloma?

15:56 Ron Jeremy Yeah, you know, people don't notice those. They're not sores, right? They're not like rashes.

15:59 Drew They say everyone has papilloma supposedly, but then it comes out.

16:02 Ron Jeremy See, Adam doesn't like to believe that, but yes.

16:03 Adam Well, I won $100 off one of the cheapest men in America, which is Dr. Drew, or Dr. Drew, as I like to call him, because I had nothing on my penis. How dare you? And thank you.

16:14 Ron Jeremy He had some suspicious lesions.

16:15 Adam So, the good news for this girl is, the good news for this, Drew, I would have got a nickel out of you if there was anything even close to suspicious. How dare you?

16:23 Drew So, the good news for this girl is, it probably is nothing serious.

16:25 Ron Jeremy Yeah, but what I was trying to tell her is that, you know, I can't tell what she's describing over the radio. They don't know how to describe rash.

16:31 Drew The podcast has to say it.

16:31 Ron Jeremy Somebody's gotta look at it. While she has the rash, that's what's important. You understand, people think, well, this will go away. If it goes away, you've lost the opportunity to figure out what it was, because most, most, Want a blood test, show herpes? No, it's not really effective.

16:43 Adam It really is, I, I, Jesus, Ron, you of all people.

16:45 Ron Jeremy Yeah, the blood tests are, I'm fine. They over-diagnose.

16:48 Adam I know, but don't, You should be a doctor by now.

16:52 Ron Jeremy They're, they're not good screening tests. They're really not. They have to be in a setting of high suspicion to really be accurate.

16:57 Drew They have to actually investigate a bump.

16:59 Ron Jeremy It has to really look like it.

17:00 Drew Is it true that they say about 65 to 70% of sexually active people probably have it, don't even know it?

17:05 Ron Jeremy Herpes, that's the people that-

17:07 Adam No, he's talking about warts.

17:08 Ron Jeremy Well, warts for sure.

17:09 Drew Herpes first.

17:10 Ron Jeremy But herpes, that kind of data circulates out there based on these blood tests you're talking about. The reality is it's probably more like around 10%. Wow.

17:18 Drew Or less. So these people getting pimples getting all panicky.

17:21 Ron Jeremy I know.

17:22 Adam Ron, you can get laid, finally.

17:24 Drew It's safe. Oh, I kept saying, it's only a cold sore, honey. No, I'm kidding.

17:27 Adam Safe for you to head out.

17:28 Drew I haven't tested it on fine, but it was again, it was a blood test.

17:31 Adam Well, let's talk about this for just one second. First off, I got a question for Ron. And isn't Ron, what a great position to be in. He's been in the industry for 30 years, 26 years. And obviously for women, you know, it's 18 to 23 and then a new crop. I mean, there's, I know some last a little longer.

17:54 Drew Many, many years longer.

17:55 Adam But the turnover, what I mean is, is there's a new fresh crop waiting around each corner. Ron, you know, becomes more seasoned and more distinguished and the new women keep rolling in. It's like his balls are like the sack of Dorian Gray. You know?

18:11 Drew I'm gonna hurl.

18:12 Adam The balls never get old.

18:14 Drew I'm going to throw up.

18:14 Adam It should be a great movie. His balls are in the industry for 70 years, but now here's another 18 year old.

18:22 Drew Playing in the theater near you, Ron Jeremy's ball sack. That's nice.

18:25 Adam But, all right, so let me ask you this now. The trends change, you know, the women, they shave, there's piercings, there's tattoos.

18:34 Drew That's correct.

18:34 Adam What do you like?

18:36 Drew I like more natural the better. I just love the big head of natural.

18:39 Ron Jeremy Whatever was emblazoned in his head when he was 15, that's what he still likes.

18:43 Drew It's funny, it's true, you know, I've asked guys that question. If you like large or small breasts, and most guys whose mom was large, like I'm large. Those whose moms are small, and they don't think about the parent naturally, but I hope not. But I actually do find the similarity. I like natural, I'm just a big fan. Although then again, who am I to talk? If the girl's got a pulse, I'm happy, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, Ron, only nailed 4,000 chicks.

19:06 Adam Well, here's the thing, too. I guess what we're asking is, I personally like the women of yore in porn.

19:14 Ron Jeremy The hairier?

19:17 Adam A little more natural looking.

19:18 Drew More of a hippie attitude, more of a free love.

19:21 Ron Jeremy I still think that harkens back to what your first impression of a woman was when puberty came on. It just leaves an imprint on your head.

19:27 Adam That's what we're talking about. When you were in high school and looking at those women in Playboy from the 60s or 70s.

19:35 Drew Or looking at Gilligan's Island or Beverly Hillbillies.

19:38 Adam That's your idea of hunt.

19:39 Drew You're absolutely right.

19:40 Ron Jeremy Dude, he likes Mrs. Howell. That's weird. Wrong one.

19:43 Drew Jethro.

19:44 Adam Now, when you see the crazy piercings and the tats and everything, women look a little sharp edged now and it's scarce.

19:52 Drew It's like Playboy tries to hire women who are from the good old days. If you look, Playboy doesn't like to hire tattoos or piercings and stuff. You ever notice that? They're like big boobies, of course.

20:02 Adam Even they are doing more like belly piercings and shaving downstairs and stuff. They're sort of a couple notches behind the time.

20:12 Ron Jeremy It takes energy to do those things.

20:13 Drew But the market is so...

20:14 Ron Jeremy It all speaks of energy. And then you ask, what is that energy? Where is it coming from? What does it smack up? It's all aggression.

20:20 Drew The market is so saturated right now. You can get anything for any tastes. You can get a whole line of videos about women who are hairy. They have a whole series like that for girls who look like they did in the old days. Non-tattooed, tattooed. I mean, I'm not joking. There's something for any taste.

20:35 Ron Jeremy But life is so short.

20:36 Adam Listen, you flick through the back of these magazines, they got the chicks with the penises hanging on them.

20:42 Drew Anything you want. The company I work for, Metro, has all kinds of varieties. You like them black and white, white and black, do-some, street-somes, gang, whatever you want.

20:50 Ron Jeremy Has anybody studied what people go after?

20:53 Drew Yes. They have computers in every video store across America and you'd be amazed. I'll tell you, you want to be shocked? This will knock your socks off. The majority of video stores around the country, the majority of tapes that leave the store are generally heterosexual. When they check the peep show booths to see what the majority of people are looking at, transsexual and gay and bi. A lot of the same guys who come in there to rent an adult tape for him and the wife at home will sneak into a peep show and see a gay or bisexual tape. It doesn't want the wife to know about it.

21:22 Adam Different guy.

21:24 Drew No.

21:24 Adam Now, new guy.

21:25 Drew But it's the same clientele.

21:26 Adam Guy heading to the peep show looking at the gay stuff is gay and he's just out. Here's the thing about the gay.

21:30 Drew No, but isn't it interesting? The majority of peep show sales are gay and bi. The majority of rentals are heterosexual.

21:35 Adam Not the same guy.

21:35 Drew He leaves the store with the heterosexual.

21:37 Ron Jeremy Right, but maybe different guys.

21:39 Adam Different.

21:40 Ron Jeremy And by the way, the gay male that will go to the peep show may be trying to hide his homosexuality. He's not taking stuff home.

21:47 Drew He's had it right.

21:48 Adam Let me say this. Where? When you're gay, the world is your basement. You eff and jack off everywhere. Gay guys, a trail, a semen, everywhere.

21:59 Drew It's not the opinion of the sponsors, folks.

22:01 Adam Hiking trails.

22:03 Ron Jeremy Gay envy.

22:04 Adam Gay guys got no trouble peeling one off at a spa. They got no trouble peeling. Oh, you go to one of these. Peeling one off. They peel one off everywhere. That's why all the peep show stuff is gay. These are guys, gay guys, they're just leaving them. They're like Zorro. They're leaving that mark everywhere. That's what they do. That's their thing.

22:24 Ron Jeremy Whatever you say. I'm interested in this preference thing. That they have to have so many different kinds of things, whether people study and what makes those preferences. They should just...

22:34 Drew There would be a doctoral dissertation on sociology. It's incredible. Right?

22:37 Ron Jeremy I mean, what creates those preferences?

22:38 Drew There's foot fetishes. There's B&D.

22:41 Ron Jeremy That would say so much about...

22:42 Drew There's even a smoking tape. The girls that smoke cigarettes with are performing fellatio. And that sells.

22:46 Ron Jeremy So much about the human motivational system. You're right. There's so much.

22:50 Drew You're right.

22:51 Adam But let me just say a couple of quick things.

22:53 Drew It is.

22:53 Adam The weird one, Drew, shut up. The weird one is the bug squashing one. That's a weird one.

22:59 Drew Oh, they prosecuted those people. That's disgusting. They started with bugs. They did like rodents. So they were even little baby cats.

23:04 Adam They moved into midgets.

23:06 Drew They were prosecuted heavily. People wanted to firebomb their house. That was horrible.

23:10 Ron Jeremy But somebody wanted to buy those things.

23:12 Adam Somebody wanted to.

23:12 Drew Yes, that's very scary.

23:14 Adam Forget about the thing.

23:16 Drew We're going to hell in a handbasket, Dr. Drew. Someone bought those tapes.

23:19 Adam That's another thing. See, Ron just doing his boring old straight porn.

23:23 Drew That's exactly right.

23:24 Adam He's old fashioned. Old fashion.

23:26 Drew Yeah, I meet a pretty girl. I play hide-the-bake and I sleep till Christmas.

23:29 Ron Jeremy Model T.

23:30 Adam That's your grandpa's porn.

23:31 Drew I burp, roll over and watch HBO. That's my life.

23:33 Adam He doesn't pee on anybody. He doesn't squash any potato bugs or his ball sack.

23:37 Drew Nah.

23:37 Adam He doesn't do anything.

23:38 Drew Well, if he asked. But no, no, really.

23:41 Adam We gotta go to break. But let me just say one more thing about those preference things. You're looking through a penthouse. Every third picture, someone getting peed on. And I think to myself, really, is there a majority of people that want to see people getting urinated on?

23:54 Drew You talk to the king. They're trying to stretch the boundary.

23:56 Ron Jeremy No, wait a minute. But they want to sell magazines. So really, they want to sell magazines. And you talked to Larry Flynn about this. You don't remember this?

24:02 Adam Yeah, I do.

24:03 Ron Jeremy And he said that the way that...

24:05 Adam He doesn't remember it, but I do.

24:06 Ron Jeremy Yeah, he ran a series of pictures and he never had such a response.

24:10 Adam Big response.

24:11 Ron Jeremy So he started putting them in. Magazine sales went up. Pictures of women urinating on man business. Yeah.

24:15 Adam What about the...

24:16 Drew No, no. It's different.

24:17 Adam No, they're urinating on each other, too.

24:18 Drew However, the magazines are now suffering really bad because their penthouse is almost out of business. Two reasons. One, internet. And two, Maxim, Stuff, Details, Detour, FHM are kicking their rear ends. You know what's really weird? Because people would rather see J.Lo or Britney Spears or some famous girl in the skimpy clothes like a bathing suit, than see a model nude or even see hardcore. The Maxim is kicking their rear ends.

24:43 Ron Jeremy Different guy at a different time.

24:45 Drew Now, like Flint was smart. He's now gotten into satellite, he's got into videos and DVDs, so he's actually going on to other things because he knows there's a problem. Penthouse is almost finished.

24:52 Adam Now, I'll tell you.

24:53 Drew Playboy still is holding on.

24:54 Adam I'll tell you what it is. When things get stretched a little too far, we snap back. It's like the yuppie phase. No, I meant the preppy phase. People were holes in their jeans, hair down to here, wearing Haggard, the total hippie rock and roll thing. What came off of that? Preppy. Short haircuts, wearing the tank, wearing the IZOD shirts and the slacks and the penny loafers. When stuff goes too far, eventually snaps back and then it starts heading back again. So we've now snapped back. Well, we got to take a break. Let me say one more goddamn thing. I was looking through one of these magazines, like Stuff magazine or they have these. They have ones that are a little more aggressive. And it's basically nude chicks. Every other page is suicide bombers that have blown themselves up. So it's like human body parts strewn around the Tel Aviv marketplace and then nude chicks.

25:44 Drew They're not nude. And Max on that stuff, they're not nude.

25:46 Adam They're topless.

25:47 Drew Whatever it is. No, they're not.

25:49 Adam I'm talking about the slightly more aggressive ones like Loaded or something like that.

25:53 Drew Almost, but not quite topless.

25:55 Adam Don't argue with me, Ron. I'll shut your goddamn mic off. Point is this. I understand the cars and the nude chicks. What's the part about the guy who got his head blown off and then the nude chick? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's weird.

26:07 Drew Can't you have to fantasize?

26:09 Adam Can I check to that? All right, listen, Ron. You focus on getting me spanked, me effed, me. I'm going to the bathroom. And when I come back...

26:15 Drew Well, thanks for sharing.

26:16 Adam I expect it'll be sitting here.

26:18 Drew What you do in the bathroom is sitting there?

26:19 Adam No.

26:20 Drew Oh, the tape. Okay, gotcha.

26:21 Adam Spank me, eff me. Ron Jeremy here from a little show called The Surreal Life on the WB Sunday night. And, listen, I'm not just saying this, excellent show. Watch it and if you don't believe me, I'll give you your money back. We'll be back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Ron Jeremy, this legendary penis is in the studio tonight.

26:53 Drew Oh, I'm here, the penis is parked in the car outside.

26:55 Adam Oh, really? Drew, put your big toe up there and find out. Ron is here, Ron is on The Surreal Life, which is on the WB Sunday Nights, nine o'clock. I saw, I watched all of last season, religiously, and I saw-

27:13 Ron Jeremy You watched it last year too?

27:14 Adam Yeah. And it was great. And I watched the first episode of this season and it was spectacular. They've upped the ante and it's just, it's a great show. I don't know what else to say about it.

27:26 Drew We're very happy that it was actually, it also was a hit. We're very excited about that. It was interesting. It was the number one time for any time slot, nine to 10 on a Sunday, it was one of brother's most successful show.

27:35 Adam Yeah, now Ron's got to hold his ears for one second because Jimmy Kimmel, I told you about a year ago, well maybe it was about a year and a half ago, we were sitting around and Jimmy said, I got a great idea for a TV show. It's a great idea. It's called Has-Been House. Your name didn't come up.

27:51 Drew Oh, and Gavin did.

27:52 Adam But he said, we're going to get celebrities, we're going to get like Gary Coleman and we're going to get Punch and we're going to get all these guys and we're going to put them all together in the same house and then we're going to torture them, devise things, we'll do this, we'll get them going at it. And everyone's like, oh, that's great. And we made a few phone calls and it's like, yeah, they were just getting started on Surreal Life. It hadn't aired yet or anything, but it aired maybe a few months later and they'd already begun the process. So, and by the way, just we'll move on to the calls, but next time you accuse somebody of ripping off your idea, you got to really think about A, you came up with it, so how great could it be? And then B, there's only certain amount of decent ideas out there. I was sitting there when Jimmy came up with this, we hashed it out, it was the exact same show. We hadn't heard anything of it.

28:41 Ron Jeremy People, you're in the same sort of socio-historical context, and people are gonna think of the same thing.

28:46 Drew You would have had a problem.

28:47 Adam Yeah.

28:48 Drew Because, you know, you would have had a problem seriously with your show, because if you're gonna torture the celebrities, they're not gonna stay. Well, they did walk. They couldn't offer enough for the money. No one did it for the money. America Strong has the Rolls Royce, everyone's got money, but if you're gonna torture them, they're not gonna do it. None of us would have done a Survivor.

29:01 Adam And no ice doesn't have money. Does he have money?

29:04 Drew Yeah, he does.

29:04 Adam Really?

29:05 Drew Yeah, how many times platinum that song go?

29:07 Ron Jeremy Remember he had a leopard or an ocelot or something.

29:10 Drew So if you're saying torturing celebrities, doing fun events is what we do. And sometimes it's uncomfortable and weird, but you gotta really torture them like in Survivor.

29:17 Ron Jeremy You've already told us you tortured her.

29:18 Drew Yeah, that was pretty short through a pretty rough time, yeah.

29:21 Adam No, that's what I mean by torture. I don't even put them on a rack.

29:25 Ron Jeremy Lily, I'll go.

29:26 Drew I'd go for that.

29:26 Ron Jeremy I wanna set up the Surreal House Clinic. Yeah, it's just kind of a fallout.

29:33 Adam What's happening, baby doll, you're 23.

29:35 Caller Yeah, Adam, I wanna say I love you. You're hilarious.

29:39 Adam Thanks, Lily.

29:40 Caller You're like the highlight of my night. My question is, first I have to explain why I didn't experiment with this new toy that I got for six months. My husband's in the Army. And I decided as like a little surprise, come home for him, was that I was going to get my clip pierced. It's something that he's wanted me to do for a long time. So I had it for about six months. He came home and I finally got to try it out. And my question for Dr. Drew is like, my sensitivity is gone. Like I thought it was like supposed to heighten your orgasms. Sure, whatever, I don't have them.

30:17 Drew Was it the clip or the hood over the clip?

30:20 Caller It was the clip.

30:22 Drew Whoa, whoa. Meaning the actual clip itself.

30:25 Caller Well, I guess not. It's word that they typically pierce it at.

30:30 Ron Jeremy It's up above.

30:31 Drew I've seen some girls actually get the actual clip pierced. I actually saw them out twice. I wanted to cry.

30:36 Ron Jeremy I would think that would feel bad all the time. I'm comfortable all the time, yeah. Well, listen. Well, Lily, you're putting a foreign body into an organ, basically. A part of your body is.

30:48 Caller I took it out and I still, I took it out because I couldn't feel anything and I thought maybe it was just the ring and I took it out and I still, my sensitivity is gone and I was wondering if maybe something might have happened when they pierced me or.

31:02 Ron Jeremy Well, yes, a foreign body entered your. That's what happened. If they had taken the clit off, would you be surprised if something happened? Point being, though, you can damage the nerves and whatnot and they grow back, oftentimes, hopefully. So there should be some restitution of function within about a year.

31:20 Drew This is a public service announcement right now.

31:22 Ron Jeremy Yeah, look. This is.

31:23 Adam First off, I can't believe that it increases sensitivity. Now, maybe it doesn't increase sensitivity, but it feels better because there's a little ball jingling on your cooch 24-7. I don't think that makes it more sensitive. That just means, look, if I just walked behind you with my hand between your legs and diddled your clit, you'd be a little more, you'd have a sensation down there.

31:46 Drew Especially you, because she likes you. She's got a shot there.

31:48 Adam Yeah, and I do that move where I lick my hand. You know, that's a signature thing. But let me say this. Here's what I was thinking about. I don't know, I was thinking of an analogy when she was talking, everyone's talking about that getting a clit pierced, which is it's like your clit, it's like your vagina, you got a Porsche down there. Now someone is saying, let's hook a nitrous bottle up to it. We can squeeze out another 100 horsepower. Yeah, you might, but you can blow the engine too. Void the warranty, screw the whole thing up. Meanwhile, you got a Porsche. Just enjoy, go out and drive.

32:20 Ron Jeremy Absolutely true.

32:21 Adam Yeah, but it's like, yeah, but there's something out there that could make it even better. Yeah, but you could blow the engine up.

32:26 Ron Jeremy And think it would motivate someone to do that to a car. It's about the same thing as with the Clitoris. You need more thrill, more arousal.

32:33 Drew We have a famous expression which is called, don't fix what ain't broken.

32:37 Adam That's right.

32:38 Drew As long as the body's working, I wish I could. If it works, just fine.

32:42 Ron Jeremy I swore he was gonna say something Yiddish, right?

32:45 Drew All I know is, all I know is, is, I knew he had it in him. It means go take a dump in the ocean and wipe your rear end with the waves. My grandmother used to say that.

32:56 Ron Jeremy One more time.

32:57 Drew Go take a dump in the ocean and wipe your rear end with the waves. I might have said it wrong. I love that.

33:04 Adam Yiddish is great.

33:06 Drew I love that. It's close to German. It's almost German.

33:08 Ron Jeremy It's close to taking a dump.

33:10 Adam I like Mayer. It's growing the ground like an onion.

33:13 Drew Oh yeah, when the Jews used to curse, they tell you an entire story. In America, it's just like, F you. But when they curse in German, Mayer, daughter of Mary, a bad guy.

33:21 Ron Jeremy They give you the whole speech. My old uncle would say, your teeth should fall out and hair should grow big in this place.

33:26 Drew I know, but the time he cursed, the guy's already left.

33:28 Adam It's bad too when the person is laughing halfway through the curse. And then the other thing too about the Jews that screwy is the good stuff. Even the good stuff sounds bad. Like, this guy's a mensch. Mensch sounds like a horrible guy. Mensch is a good thing. It should sound better than mensch. Everything sounds crappy.

33:47 Ron Jeremy But funny.

33:48 Adam Yeah, but funny. Funny is the funniest language in the world. And then there are some good screwy ones. Like, my grandpa spoke Hungarian and that's a good wacky. That's a wacky novelty. LLADKA from taxi kind of language.

34:02 Drew I knew this gay guy was giving his parents some really, really good news. He was a Jewish homosexual and he told his parents how they call naches and sures. Naches is happiness, sures is sadness. Well, I have some very bad news. Well, to you anyway, I'm gay. But he goes, what's the good news? He's a nice Jewish doctor.

34:17 Adam I said naches, doesn't sound great.

34:19 Drew I got naches. That's my Yiddish for today.

34:21 Adam Can we get that drained? Can we get that drained? Just sit down.

34:23 Ron Jeremy It all sounds like food though.

34:25 Adam It all sounds like food, but like I said, you gotta do better than mensch when you're talking about a good guy. Stephanie. Drew, come up. I'm telling you, there's five other ones you can't tell that you don't know what's good and what's bad with it.

34:39 Ron Jeremy Oh, sure.

34:40 Adam We'll work on it during the break. Go ahead, Stephanie.

34:43 Ron Jeremy Here's one, Stephanie, Virga Hargit.

34:45 Adam Is that good or bad?

34:47 Ron Jeremy Right.

34:47 Adam Okay.

34:47 Ron Jeremy Let's drop dead.

34:49 Drew Look at Hebrew. The word in Hebrew called shalom. They say, well, it means hello and goodbye. Which one is it? Well, they leave after you said it, it was goodbye. Same thing, right?

34:59 Adam Go ahead, Stephanie.

35:09 Ron Jeremy We're gonna do Loveline basically.

35:14 Adam Yeah, we're gonna do a live talk there. Yeah, we're going, listen, we're gonna be in Stanford, we're gonna be on campus and that's gonna be...

35:19 Ron Jeremy Like eight o'clock, some big theater there. The auditorium, Wednesday.

35:23 Caller And anyone can come watch?

35:24 Ron Jeremy Yeah. There may be tickets, they may be free, we don't know.

35:27 Adam Tell your friends.

35:28 Ron Jeremy All right, I'm definitely... Me and my friends are gonna be there.

35:32 Ron Jeremy Say hi to us.

35:34 Ron Jeremy And yeah, I had a question. Lately over the past year or two, I've been like, my self-esteem has just been kind of dropping. Like, I just don't feel confident as much as I used to. I'm like, I'm always putting myself down. And like, I feel like everyone's better than me kind of. And like, it's almost to the point where like, I felt lately like that maybe I like need to sleep guys, like with them in order to get their attention. And like, I don't know why my self-esteem is getting so bad.

36:01 Ron Jeremy You know, Stephanie, that's an interesting description you give us because people that have sort of seriously low self-esteem usually feel that way all the time and have always sort of felt that way or can't remember a time when they've really felt good about themselves. The fact is-

36:14 Ron Jeremy It's just kind of been getting worse and worse.

36:16 Ron Jeremy You know, I hear that and the worthlessness, are you having trouble sleeping?

36:19 Caller No, luckily not.

36:21 Ron Jeremy Are you eating normally? Are you eating normally?

36:24 Ron Jeremy Yeah, I eat normally.

36:26 Ron Jeremy Do you feel like crying all the time?

36:31 Adam Do you feel like life is giving you surrogates?

36:33 Drew How about the parents? Do the parents encourage her?

36:36 Adam Do you want to say fae to help?

36:38 Ron Jeremy But what she's describing is depression, and depression eventually will affect thinking, and worthlessness is sometimes a symptom of depression.

36:45 Drew Are parents partially responsible for this? Do they make a person feel like their parents put the child down sometimes?

36:50 Ron Jeremy Of course, parents figure in everything that's going on with an adolescent, but I think, Stephanie, you really need to get this about your grades dropping, too.

36:57 Ron Jeremy I'm actually, my grades aren't that bad, but just because I got really lucky with my really easy classes, but I managed to get a 3.0.

37:05 Ron Jeremy But you're having trouble keeping your grades up.

37:08 Ron Jeremy I usually get around a 3.0.

37:10 Adam Just say it's dropping so Drew can be right.

37:13 Drew How about socializing? How is your socializing with friends?

37:18 Ron Jeremy I can make friends pretty easily, but lately I haven't really felt like going up to people as much as I usually do.

37:25 Drew Are your parents put you down?

37:27 Adam Ron, leave her parents alone.

37:29 Ron Jeremy My dad was in Russia and I haven't seen him for 12 years because my parents got divorced and I was with my mom and my aunt and my grandma, but they were good to me.

37:39 Ron Jeremy Are you irritable a lot of the time? Are you irritable a lot?

37:43 Caller What do you mean?

37:45 Ron Jeremy Do you get angry easily? These are all symptoms of depression Stephanie. It might be simple enough as having your depression treated. This all could go away because the thinking and the negativity, it may just be all the function of the biological state you're in from the depression. You need to go back, find a doctor, talk to someone about your depressive symptoms and get that treated. The whole thing may reverse with proper treatment.

38:09 Adam Let me say this and we'll see you at Stanford on Wednesday. Here's the thing. I was just thinking about this. When you're older, it's this way too, but especially when you're in your teens, doesn't always seem like you're heading one direction or the other. Either you're building on your successes, you're becoming confident, you've just had a couple of sexual conquests, you've made the varsity basketball team or cheerleading team or your girlfriend dumped you, your boyfriend dumped you, you got a D in history. It's just weird. If you took a look at your life, it wouldn't be bars, it'd be a flowing river that would sort of be like a graph that was heading up and heading down and wouldn't be sharp either. It'd be curved up and curved down. Maybe everyone does that their whole life.

38:59 Ron Jeremy No, I think part of what you strive to as an adult is create stability.

39:03 Adam I know, but even that never works. Even from day to day.

39:06 Ron Jeremy Yes, of course.

39:07 Good days, bad days.

39:09 Drew Well, it isn't an uptile without a downhill. That's just a fact, right?

39:12 Ron Jeremy There's got to be Yiddish saying for this.

39:14 Drew No, you guys are really getting me good on this Yiddish thing. They know there's a Jew in the room.

39:18 Adam We're going to take Drew's half-jew. We're going to take Drew's half-jew. We're going to take a break, we're going to come back, we're going to figure. We're going to come up with our Yiddish words and Hebrew words and then we're going to try to figure out if they're good or bad. I tell you, you cannot tell by the sound of the word. See what I'm saying?

39:34 Drew Is it sometimes nice to get out of depression with this girl on the phone, to like to look forward to something that's happening in the future that's really exciting?

39:40 Ron Jeremy Well, as Adam says, long walks, exercise, eat right, classical music, but it sounds like she's-

39:46 Drew Look forward to Stanford?

39:47 Ron Jeremy She's got such a negative state that she might need some help with that, but you know, she'll also make it through it pretty easily.

39:53 Drew 3.0 is not bad either.

39:54 Adam Let me see. I'll try to say this in English. A break we should take.

39:58 Ron Jeremy Yes, yes we should.

39:59 Adam We'll be back.

40:00 Drew Loveline.

40:18 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Ron Jeremy.

40:27 Drew It's great to be here.

40:27 Adam The prolific Ron Jeremy. What a career. We're talking, I mean, dozens and dozens and hundreds and thousands of porn films.

40:38 Drew And you got a film right there, by the way, the Being Ron Jeremy one.

40:40 Adam You got Being Ron Jeremy, which is...

40:43 Drew Me and Andy Dick as my co-star.

40:45 Adam Dynamite.

40:45 Drew Funny, funny film like Being John Malkovich with a twist.

40:50 Adam I also got Taboo and what is this? Is this the old? What is this, a new Taboo?

40:55 Drew You got part two, three and four.

40:56 Ron Jeremy This is one here.

40:57 Adam I got two, three and four.

40:58 Drew Oh, part one, two and three.

40:59 Adam It looks like the wrong cover for one. Two is fantastic and three is gonna be great. It's about a guy who's not only raping his mom but his sister, Drew, and he's a very special, special man.

41:12 Ron Jeremy Is that Junior?

41:13 Adam That's Junior.

41:14 Ron Jeremy Wow.

41:14 Adam He's got it all.

41:15 Ron Jeremy This is the whole family here, right?

41:16 Adam Oh, yes. Oh, yes, he does.

41:18 Drew It's cool, too, but we can't make films like that anymore. Those films have been off the shelf for years.

41:22 Adam Yeah, these-

41:23 Drew So, Morse had a real hard time getting them.

41:24 Adam Yeah, yeah, it was, God bless him, by the way. And, you know, John from System of a Down, by the way, is a huge, huge taboo man. But, yeah, I wish they'd release more of those older films on DVD. The soundtrack to Taboo 2, Ron, I don't know if you had any part of that, but-

41:44 Ron Jeremy Did you even hear these songs?

41:45 Drew I play classical piano. I didn't do it on that one.

41:48 Adam Second to none, Anderson. All right.

42:02 Drew I did this movie like 20-some odd years ago.

42:05 Adam You're the words.

42:11 Drew The director, Dirty Stevens, had a son who was very heavily involved in music and had a lot of synthesizers in the house. That's why it probably was very good music.

42:24 Adam Yeah.

42:24 Drew He lived next door to the Jackson family. Son must have been a junkie. No, true story. The people who directed that movie and produced it lived next door to the Jackson family. Is that funny?

42:46 Ron Jeremy Dr. Joe, can you administer some help to this man up in Disney Films when the music was an integral part of the production? Yeah, old Waltz stood by that.

43:02 Adam And later on, Putz, there's a good one.

43:05 Drew I see it is.

43:06 Adam Putz is bad, mensch is good, see?

43:08 Drew There you go, that's it.

43:10 Adam And later on.

43:11 Drew Unless you say you have a big putz, then it's okay.

43:13 Adam 12 o'clock hour, we'll be singing the Gotta Get It On. Gotta get it on, gotta get it on. Another good song for that movie. Oh yeah, I know the theme.

43:24 Drew Now I had Lemmy from Motorhead give me a song for the John Wayne Bobbitt film called Under the Knife. Is that perfect?

43:30 Ron Jeremy Nice, yeah.

43:30 Drew You got a guy like that from Motorhead and that's impressive stuff, you know.

43:33 Adam John Wayne Bobbitt, genius by the way.

43:35 Ron Jeremy Absolutely, he was on this show, were you here then?

43:38 Adam May have been. I just remember thinking, boy, this guy's semi-retarded.

43:41 Drew He gave advice to people?

43:43 Ron Jeremy He just saw the show, I'm not sure he's capable of giving advice.

43:45 Adam I don't know if he's capable of putting a sentence together. It's not, I mean, maybe, yeah, maybe he's a cross between auctioneer and Einstein before he got his door cut off.

43:56 Drew Say hi, John, huh? How are you? What? The girl's on the phone, hello? He's funny. I had to direct him in a movie.

44:03 Adam Oh, my Christ. I couldn't imagine.

44:05 Drew Well, he had sex the same way he speaks, you know. It was tough.

44:08 Ron Jeremy With the Franken...

44:09 Drew Disjointed.

44:10 Ron Jeremy Franken...

44:10 Drew Franken-Penis is the second one. Ice-T makes a cameo in that. And the first one was called John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut, which has Lemmy from Orderhead and Vince Neil from Outlet Crew made an appearance in those.

44:19 Adam Let me tell you something about... With the porn industry, it's sort of like... It's sort of like the lint trap in the trier, which is, you know, everyone's going to end up there if any bizarre notoriety, you know, you get your dick cut off by your old lady and nine months later, you're doing a porn film.

44:40 Drew Well, hold on a minute. Metro, the comeback record.

44:42 Adam Not you.

44:42 Drew Now, hold on. Metro Interactive has had people like Snoop Dogg in their films, as has Huddle Hustlers had them, as well as Digital Underground, Money B, Cletus. They've had a lot of major rappers.

44:52 Adam Yeah, that's true.

44:52 Drew They're getting some major performers. See, you know what it is? The demographic for rap is older. Because they say a lot of curse words. The rock and roll, rock and roll stars really cannot do, you know, porn because that's a bad demographic. Kids see rock and roll, but rap is more of an adult type of theme, you know? Because the gangsta attitude and the mofos and all the dialogue, so them doing porn is actually not so bad. They even had 50 Cent narrate and help direct a porn film. He's the hottest recording artist in America right now. That's what it sounded like.

45:25 Ron Jeremy What's up, Rachel?

45:26 Ron Jeremy Hello.

45:26 Ron Jeremy Hi, Rachel. What's going on?

45:30 Ron Jeremy Several things. My mom is kind of crazy, I guess. She's been through a lot of things.

45:37 Caller Like she was molested by her brother.

45:39 Ron Jeremy She was abused by her father. And what's the question?

45:43 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

45:45 Ron Jeremy Yeah, perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. And I was wondering, she used to physically abuse me. And she used to verbally abuse me. And within the past year or so, it kind of stood up to her and was like, you need to stop that kind of thing.

46:01 Ron Jeremy Good, good.

46:03 Ron Jeremy I was wondering how this might affect me in the future. Or how it might affect my sister.

46:09 Ron Jeremy Trauma is transmitted intergenerationally. If your parents been traumatized, something about that trauma gets transmitted down to you. So you get traumatized by what's happened to them, they traumatize you. Now, it doesn't mean your life is ruined. It means that you can have issues. It means it can be difficult to find relationships that are stable and intimate. But there's tons of treatment out there for these sorts of things too.

46:31 Adam Here's how it ruins your life. It ruins your life when you don't know you have a problem. We have to take a break. Yeah, well, you end up being, you end up, can, I'll just go on a positive note. We'll get back, Ron Jeremy here tonight from The Surreal Life. We'll get back and talk to Rachel a little bit more. But the thing about it is that you can end up stronger. It's like knowing you have a disability, so you work harder.

46:53 Ron Jeremy Right, you become a marathon runner because you had cancer, you overcame it, and now you're gonna keep going.

46:58 Drew Shouldn't Rachel see some therapist?

47:00 Adam Yes, we'll take a quick break. Ron Jeremy here tonight, and we'll be right back after this.

47:04 Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:07 Ron Jeremy Call the Dateline.

47:08 Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:09 Ron Jeremy Call the Dateline.

47:10 One call is all you need to make.

47:12 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:13 1-877-889-DATE.

47:17 Drew You know what I'm saying, I'm dead!

47:42 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Ron. Ron Jeremy. No, no, go ahead, Ron. Ron's the one guy I don't mind filling out your crappy thing, because Ron can write and talk, and he doesn't drift off.

47:57 Drew And chew gum, and you know.

47:58 Adam Yeah, he can do it, and he can hump and chew gum at the same time.

48:00 Drew Play with the ball sack, all that all at once time, you know.

48:03 Adam Ron is here from The Surreal Life, which is on the WB Sunday nights at 9 o'clock, and compelling television. I kid you not. I watched all of last season. I watched the first premiere this season. Excellent, better than last season, if that's possible.

48:21 Drew It's kind of like a sitcom, but we write our own dialogue. What'd you say?

48:24 Adam Yeah, it's good. I was, I like, I'm trying to think. Tracy Bingham came across as a cross between a witch and a witch.

48:33 Drew She's gorgeous. She gets nicer too as the shows go on, you know. She's gorgeous. You have six episodes.

48:40 Adam She's gorgeous in a sort of female, female cross dresser kind of way. You know what I mean? Like Drew has this theory, he thinks Pam Anderson suffers from this, which is female, female impersonators.

48:54 Ron Jeremy Ron, listen carefully.

48:55 Drew No, it's funny, I get what you're saying.

48:56 Ron Jeremy Yeah.

48:56 Drew When there's a little too much makeup sometimes.

48:58 Ron Jeremy Yeah.

48:58 Drew They're trying too hard to look female, to look like a guy becoming a female.

49:01 Ron Jeremy They're overstating the feminine qualities to a sort of a caricaturistic.

49:06 Drew It's a shame because I've seen Tracy Bingham without makeup on her. She's gorgeous that way too, you know?

49:10 Ron Jeremy Yeah, but they usually mean something, usually.

49:12 Drew Yeah, I see they try to overdo the female image sometimes.

49:15 Adam Yeah, there's.

49:16 Ron Jeremy It's sexual, it's fetishizing their whole body.

49:18 Drew But isn't that like a Hollywood thing though, in many ways?

49:20 Ron Jeremy Yeah, yeah.

49:21 Adam A lot of neuroses there. Big steaming bucket of neuroses.

49:25 Drew Oh, she's going to kill me.

49:26 Adam No, she's been on the show. We like her.

49:29 Drew She's been on the show?

49:30 Adam Oh yeah, a few times.

49:31 Drew Was she all dolled up? Just like you're talking about?

49:33 Adam She's one of these women who always smells good. Like Ron, if you like a LeVoarse and Brute.

49:39 Drew Oh, good one.

49:41 Ron Jeremy Old Spice.

49:42 Drew Aqua Velva.

49:43 Adam Well, listen, you're going to put as much cologne as Ron does, you can't go with the expensive stuff.

49:48 Drew And I buy my shoes at Pick A Show. Dollar for pair of shoes, $2 if they match.

49:52 Ron Jeremy Pick a shoe.

49:54 Adam Pick a shoe.

49:55 Drew And when I take a dollar bill out of my pocket, the president's going, oh, daylight.

50:01 Adam Yeah, Ron can. And I'm trying to think of who else on The Surreal Life drove me a little nuts. Vanilla Ice drove me nuts. He seemed like a retard. Everyone else, Punch came across very nice. You don't like Vanilla Ice very much.

50:13 Drew I like them all. I like him.

50:15 Adam What about when he was...

50:15 Drew He has a lot of angst, but see, he's a rapper and he's doing heavy metal now. What musician doesn't have angst and a little hostility?

50:21 Adam I just...

50:22 Drew Look at their music. Look at Eminem's music.

50:23 Adam I find it ironic that he's crossing out his old pictures when he was wearing exactly what everyone wore in 1990.

50:30 Drew He was 16, 17 years old when he did that stuff.

50:32 Adam He's dressed... Now he looks exactly like everyone looks in 2004. He doesn't see the subtle irony in that.

50:38 Drew No, a little.

50:39 Adam Point that out to us.

50:39 Drew You know, he did Madonna, you know, by the way. He was in her book, the sex book. Oh, he nailed... Vanilla Ice did Madonna.

50:44 Adam He nailed Madonna?

50:45 Drew Yeah, that's kind of nice. Yeah, it's in the book, her sex book. You've seen it, yeah.

50:49 Adam Let's come around on him.

50:50 Drew Okay, let me see what he has to say. I like that.

50:51 Adam He's a hero.

50:52 Drew Should I give it some feeling?

50:53 Ron Jeremy Sure.

50:54 Drew Yeah, this is the Cabin Fever promotion. All callers that get on the air tonight.

50:59 Ron Jeremy All 18, 18 and over.

51:00 Drew All callers over 18 years of age, 18 and over, that get on the air tonight will win a DVD of the movie Cabin Fever, which features a T-shirt with Ron Jeremy's face on it. It's loaded with cast and crew commentaries and lots of special features. It will be available on DVD and video starting January 20th. You will also go into a drawing to win a trip for four to the Ultimate Ski Vacation in Whistler, which will include airfare, lift tickets and a cabin. Not to be confused with Cabin Fever. Airfare, lift tickets and a cabin. Thank you, Ron.

51:33 Ron Jeremy An uninfected cabin, yes.

51:34 Drew And this is 18 years or over.

51:36 Adam You're a total pro. Most sports stars couldn't pull that off.

51:39 Ron Jeremy Why don't we just take it.

51:40 Drew They pull it off most of the time. That's the problem.

51:43 Ron Jeremy Record that and let's just play that every time. We need to say that.

51:46 Drew Yeah, that'd be fun.

51:46 Adam I got a pro doing the video.

51:47 Drew Hi, this is Ron Jeremy. Now, if you've seen Cabin Fever, Rachel. Hello?

51:52 Adam All right, so poor Rachel, 18 years old. Mom was abused. Mom even abused her. You have a younger sister?

52:01 Drew How did she know about all this abuse? Did her mom tell her?

52:07 Ron Jeremy Well, your mom has some strength and some qualities that allow you to create insight into what's going on with you, but it doesn't diminish, well, it doesn't take away the fact that the trauma will have a lasting effect on your brain development, quite literally. And if you want to do that-

52:21 Ron Jeremy Sorry, well, I used to cut myself in the throat.

52:24 Adam Okay, look, I'm gonna, Rachel, Rachel.

52:26 Drew That's not good, that's not good.

52:27 Ron Jeremy No, it stops. And I told her, and she's like, well, you might need some therapy. I was like, yeah, that's fine, I'll go to therapy. And I told her that, well, if I need therapy, you need therapy. And she's like, well, I'm normal.

52:40 Ron Jeremy Take care of you, Rachel.

52:41 Adam Your mom's an idiot who is victimized.

52:42 Ron Jeremy Thank God she, listen, mom's supporting you getting therapy, get therapy. It will help you integrate all this into a manageable hole.

52:49 Drew And you'll feel better.

52:50 Ron Jeremy And your mom will be your mom and let her be who she is.

52:52 Adam Manageable hole was Ron's.

52:54 Drew It's a feel better. She'll feel better, won't she?

52:57 Ron Jeremy Yes, she will.

52:57 Adam Rachel. Yep. This is Adam, the genius.

53:01 Ron Jeremy Adam, you are the genius.

53:02 Adam Thank you. Let me give you the keys to victory. A, don't get pregnant. Because you will screw up your kid before you get fixed up.

53:11 Ron Jeremy No, no, no, no kids.

53:12 Adam B, stay in school. C, don't get any drugs or abuse, abuse any kind of drugs or alcohol or anything like that.

53:22 Ron Jeremy I often. Hey Rachel, what's the weather like there in Syracuse?

53:25 Ron Jeremy The weather, it's very cold. It's like negative 25 wind chill.

53:29 Ron Jeremy They're getting hammered out there.

53:31 Adam Yeah. Negative 25.

53:32 Ron Jeremy It's supposed to get down to like negative 35.

53:34 Ron Jeremy Is that crazy?

53:35 Adam Get some therapy.

53:36 Drew I mean, that was my global warming theory.

53:39 Ron Jeremy You live in that day in and day out. With the North, Jesus, Drew.

53:43 Drew You know what I'm being one, Drew?

53:44 Adam I've never stopped f-ing up.

53:45 Ron Jeremy Thank you, part. Northeast is getting just hammered right now with the cold and snow.

53:49 Adam Yeah, and here's the thing that's, that the thing is funny is we have to have novelty hot weather to rub it in their face. I mean, here's the thing. It's one thing if they're just getting brutalized out there and it's just seasonable here. Like, okay, we're in winter. Maybe it's 55 and it's overcast outside. It's hot. It's, Drew, stop punching the mic. Just stop movement.

54:09 Ron Jeremy Solve the problem.

54:10 Adam Don't move. That's your problem. Okay, leave. Come on, just don't touch. Drew punches the mic nightly.

54:18 Drew That's how he gets out his aggression. I think it's a great idea.

54:20 Ron Jeremy No, no, Adam thinks it's a volitional.

54:22 Drew We should all punch our microphones. It would help us be better people. How am I doing, guys?

54:25 Adam It is volitional. It is. You do it on purpose.

54:27 Ron Jeremy To bother you.

54:29 Adam It needs to be.

54:29 Drew So who's this guy, Mike? He keeps beating up.

54:31 Adam No, the point is it's thousands of degrees out here. It's like the surface of the sun. And you know what's really funny is Gore went to New York to deliver a speech on global warming, which is, could it be worse timing? The cab door opens, your feet are spot welded to the sidewalk because it's frozen.

54:52 Drew What's funny is the last few winters have been overly warm. There's been very little snow on these coasts.

54:56 Ron Jeremy Now we're compensating for that.

54:57 Drew Yeah.

54:58 Adam I'm just saying.

54:59 Drew I thought there was global warming going on and it could be serious.

55:02 Adam The idea of delivering a speech on global warming with everyone in the audience is wearing a scarf and a mucklux and a muff.

55:09 Drew The mustache is frozen in.

55:11 Adam Yeah. And they're, I mean, it's like.

55:14 Drew It's funny.

55:14 Adam It does. It's not that it doesn't exist. It's just the timing's a little weak. That's all. All right. You ready to roll in here?

55:21 Ron Jeremy Yeah.

55:21 Adam Gonna speak to Amy, who's 23.

55:24 Ron Jeremy In warm climates.

55:25 Adam San Diego. What's up, baby doll?

55:27 First of all, I wanna say hi to Ron. We've met before.

55:30 Drew Really? Where at?

55:31 Yeah, actually it was here at Rock 10, it was Rock 1053.

55:34 Drew Oh, nice. Wait a minute.

55:37 And it was peanut butter and jelly.

55:40 Ron Jeremy Yeah, but this, you're listening to us on 91X, I hope.

55:43 I know, I know.

55:44 Caller Yeah, I am.

55:46 Drew So we hung out?

55:48 We didn't really hang out.

55:48 Caller I was there for a contest.

55:50 So, anyhow, it was a while ago. But anyway, my problem I'm calling about. My boyfriend has a smelly penis. He's not circumcised. I've never been with that before. It was kind of a little intimidating. And we've tried, like, he, you know, we've taken a shower together and I've like washed it or whatever to see if that would help. We tried Gold Bond.

56:19 Caller It's not helping.

56:22 Drew Can you spell penile parmesan, boys and girls? Cognac gouda. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

56:29 Ron Jeremy The washing is probably less important than the drying. You gotta get it, as it were, bone dry. Like, even take out a hairdryer, handheld hairdryer, just dry it completely dry. And some of that smell is from the moisture, the bacteria that grow in moisture, and you gotta keep the thing just pulled back and dry.

56:47 Adam What about, like, antifungal things, like, you know, the stuff you athlete's put?

56:51 Ron Jeremy But the fungus aren't the smell, it's anaerobic bacteria.

56:54 Drew Plus, it's gonna be going into her body eventually.

56:56 Adam You can actually quick rinse in the sink before you drop it in.

57:01 Drew Does he actually have an odor what if it comes out of a shower?

57:03 Ron Jeremy They're even in the shower.

57:05 Adam Amy?

57:05 Matter of fact, last night, yes.

57:08 Drew Oh my goodness.

57:09 Adam Here's the whole thing.

57:10 Caller And the problem is, you know, it's like he wants me to go down on him and it smells, and I'm very, very, very sensitive to smell more than most people.

57:17 Drew Oh, that would actually work if she puts, like, a nose pin, puts nose clips over her nose. You know when you go swimming in a pool and you go, there's little nose clips?

57:25 Adam Well, yeah, well, okay, listen. Do what Drew says and do the dry thing.

57:29 Ron Jeremy Yeah, dry thing.

57:31 Adam Clean it off real good and then pull the foreskin back and hit it with the blow dryer.

57:36 Ron Jeremy Really? So it's naturally dry.

57:38 Adam Now, don't make the mistake I did. I used a hot comb attachment. That's very, no, just use the air.

57:43 Drew That's interesting, cause with a circumcised schmeckle, you know, that even if it's a little bit wet, it's not a problem, you come out of a shower and you're all, you know, you're a little bit wet, cause there's no other problem.

57:53 Ron Jeremy No folds, the bacteria live in the folds.

57:55 Drew One of the most interesting, guys, this is a true story and you're gonna love this, that Jews got circumcised until like, in World War II, and up till like the late 40s. Then after the 40s, all Americans started getting circumcised around 1949. Christians, Jews, blacks, all started getting circumcised, which means 1949 is the cutoff date. Oh, come on folks, tip the waitress, have a safe drive home. But actually, that's true though. In 1949, all Americans got circumcised.

58:20 Ron Jeremy When did Ron Jeremy become Shecky Green?

58:22 Adam When did that happen? What was I saying to you?

58:24 Ron Jeremy Isn't it weird that all Americans do it, before Adam was walking around the hall and said, Jew trumps everything? Explain what you meant by that.

58:32 Adam Here's what I meant. Rabbi Schmooley comes in here, that's Michael Jackson's right hand.

58:37 Ron Jeremy Spiritual advisor.

58:38 Adam Yeah, that's the-

58:38 Ron Jeremy Before he decided he was Islam.

58:40 Adam Basically, yeah, he's got a yarmulke and a big set of lips so he can kiss Michael's ass, right? But he's a rabbi.

58:47 Ron Jeremy A smart guy.

58:48 Adam I mean, smart in the sense he's got a high IQ. I don't-

58:52 Ron Jeremy I know you're a French.

58:53 Adam He's a blowhard. I mean, let's face it. But anyway, Rabbi Schmooley comes in here and Rabbi Schmooley can't stop telling jokes. Rabbi Schmooley can't stop telling long-winded stories. Rabbi Schmooley can't stop being Jewish and not a rabbi. And what I'm saying is, in Catholicism or Christianity, you don't expect a preacher to come up there and start with a motormouth telling jokes. Do you know what I'm saying?

59:21 Ron Jeremy Or to represent something that would be...

59:23 Adam You don't, yes. And you don't expect a porn star. I mean, let's face it. You bring most male porn stars in here that can barely string a sentence together. They're not...

59:32 Ron Jeremy But you also couldn't tell what ethnicity or cultural background.

59:35 Adam They're not telling happy jokes. Yeah, here's what I'm saying. So what I'm saying is, what could be, man of the cloth, porn star, but yet, Jew trumps both of those with the bad jokes and the nonstop stories.

59:48 Drew Some of them are funny jokes.

59:49 Adam Not bad jokes, not bad jokes.

59:50 Drew Just jokes.

59:51 Adam Just jokes.

59:52 Ron Jeremy And the Yiddish words.

59:53 Adam Yeah, I'm just saying, and I don't know.

59:55 Ron Jeremy The food talk.

59:56 Adam I know this doesn't sound as flattering as it's meant to be, but it really is. I was just walking to the bathroom or through, I said, Jew trumps everything.

1:00:04 Drew Now, your name is Corolla, so are you Italian?

1:00:06 Adam Yeah, I'm Italian.

1:00:07 Drew Well, an Italian is simply a Jew with a job, so.

1:00:10 Adam Yeah, well, Italian is kind of a stupid Jew. They're not as smart. The Jews are smarter people.

1:00:15 Drew You hired Jews to run your businesses, that's all.

1:00:17 Adam Yeah, well, we know who shows up and gets the work done. Eric, I mean, not the manual stuff, but the calculations. Erica? You're 16? What's up, baby doll?

1:00:30 Caller Well, my parents have recently been going through the feud of divorce, and I'm the only girl of five, of like five kids, and I'm a twin.

1:00:44 Ron Jeremy Okay, what's up?

1:00:45 Caller I have a twin brother.

1:00:46 Adam You're calling from Sylmar?

1:00:48 Caller Yeah.

1:00:48 Adam Yeah, that means your brothers are gonna be criminals.

1:00:51 Caller No, no, no, actually, my oldest brother, he's in Anaheim, he's had a baby girl. My other brother, he's in San Jose right now, and he married the daughter of a drummer from some Mexican band.

1:01:05 Adam That's criminal. Yeah.

1:01:06 Caller They're pretty famous like everywhere. If you like stop a Mexican and say, hey, do you know blah, blah, blah. The Jaguars?

1:01:12 Adam Oh, hold on.

1:01:13 Ron Jeremy Banda Macho?

1:01:14 Adam Our engineer Chris is Mexican, let me stop him. What's the name of the band?

1:01:19 Caller Los Tigres del Norte.

1:01:21 Ron Jeremy The Northern Tigers?

1:01:24 Adam Yeah. Chris, Chris Mexican, yes? Never heard of him. I just stopped a Mexican, never heard of him. Go back to doing what you were doing.

1:01:31 Ron Jeremy Hey Erica, what is the question?

1:01:33 Caller Well, what I want to know is I'm kind of stuck in the middle. My parents make me the messenger.

1:01:39 Ron Jeremy Yeah, it's not okay.

1:01:41 Adam Yes.

1:01:41 Ron Jeremy You got to not take, don't take that role. Don't let them stick you there. That's it.

1:01:45 Caller Yeah, the thing is it's like, it goes even more beyond. It's like the reason kind of like my mom and my dad were married for 25 years. And throughout the whole marriage, my dad cheated on my mom with different women. And I was very close to my dad and I do consider myself more like close to him.

1:02:06 Adam Now you resent him.

1:02:10 Caller But he just kind of like, he does stuff to hurt me and I keep going back. And my mom, she sees that. And I went over, there isn't an event that happened my freshman year. When he was cheating on her, my brother came from the Navy because right now he's in Japan. And we were all here. My mom had to work. My dad was spending Christmas with this other lady who has a kid.

1:02:36 Adam Mexican dancing, they got it right.

1:02:39 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:02:40 Adam A Jewish guy couldn't get away with that.

1:02:44 Drew Am I wrong? Letting a child know this is horrifying. A parent to cheat is one thing, but letting a kid see it is a nightmare and a horrible thing to do.

1:02:52 Ron Jeremy Parentalizing a child is always damaging.

1:02:54 Drew Because they're damned either way. If you hold a secret, the other one will get mad that you never told me. And if you do rat the secret out, then they're gonna hate you because you told on me. You're damned either way.

1:03:05 Ron Jeremy Here's what you do. You behave yourself. You keep your family together for a while. Pay a little attention.

1:03:10 Drew You never let the kids know that you're doing that. That's a horror.

1:03:12 Caller That's a horror. We had two houses before and we lost them because he...

1:03:16 Ron Jeremy All right, what is the question, Eric?

1:03:18 Adam I don't care what the question is. Here's the deal.

1:03:20 Ron Jeremy Stay away from everybody.

1:03:21 Adam Your dad's a little...

1:03:22 Drew Oh, that's good advice.

1:03:22 Ron Jeremy No, yeah, stay away from him.

1:03:23 Drew Here's the thing.

1:03:24 Adam You're 16. You're smart. Just like your brothers did, you go away somewhere. You go to school, you spend your time in college, you make sure your grades are good, you have your friends you hang out with, you go to your cheerleading practice or your band practice, you come home at night, you do a little studying, and you go to bed.

1:03:41 Ron Jeremy And Eric, I'm gonna put one more caveat in this. If you are super attracted to a guy, do not go out with him.

1:03:48 Adam Yes.

1:03:48 Ron Jeremy Do you understand why I'm saying that? Because you are gonna be super attracted because you were so close to dad and that kind of person is what you love. That's your idea of a love relationship. You're gonna be super attracted to guys that will recreate your relationship with your dad. Go out with guys that are a little more boring, not quite so exciting, that you can actually have real intimacy with because you've never had that because your dad's not available for it.

1:04:09 Adam Yeah. And dads are...

1:04:11 Drew That's a tall order, that's tough.

1:04:13 Ron Jeremy It is tough.

1:04:13 Drew That's tough. I think there's a lot of willpower.

1:04:16 Ron Jeremy Or get therapy.

1:04:17 Adam You should tell your...

1:04:18 Drew But if she's pretty, finding guys is not gonna be a problem, so you can be that specific.

1:04:21 Ron Jeremy There'll be a curse for her though. Yeah. Because she'll all be just sort of handed over.

1:04:24 Adam And listen, parents, don't share a bunch of intimate things with your kids.

1:04:29 Ron Jeremy Another business.

1:04:30 Adam No, I gotta tell you one thing my parents, they were smart. My dad.

1:04:32 Ron Jeremy Never talk.

1:04:33 Adam He never cheated. He never cheated. He never carried on. He didn't have a gambling problem. He didn't do anything. But he still played it safe and didn't talk to his kids. He just, he was that good a parent.

1:04:41 Ron Jeremy He played it extra safe. I don't think he ever like got up off the chair, did he?

1:04:45 Adam He's that good a father.

1:04:46 Ron Jeremy That's unstable.

1:04:47 Adam Somebody must have told him, don't talk to the kids.

1:04:50 Ron Jeremy Don't walk, you could get unstable.

1:04:51 Adam Yeah, right. Something may slip. Could be very smart. All right, let's talk to Sarah. I tried to have anal sex. Ron, how'd you get into the porn business?

1:05:04 Drew Well, that was a heck of a segue. All right. Because I did a lot of theater in New York. I quit teaching. I have a master's. I taught, then I quit to do theater.

1:05:13 Ron Jeremy You taught...

1:05:13 Drew Job market was special ed, special ed. Retarded children. I had a bachelor's...

1:05:17 Ron Jeremy Did you teach high school for a while or something?

1:05:18 Drew They say that. It's a mistake on the internet. I had a BA in theater, a BA in education, taught elementary school. Then I got a master's in special ed, taught retarded kids, upstate New York. Then I... Catskills. Crystal Run School. I told you.

1:05:31 Adam What was it like having sex with that many kids?

1:05:33 Drew Oh, that is just wrong. It was very nice, thank you. No, you're crazy. Then I quit to do theater off Broadway and then got my equity card staged and then I was approached to do porn. I did Play-Go Magazine October 78.

1:05:45 Adam Now how did you get approached?

1:05:46 Drew Who approached you? A guy named Joe, I did a Play-Go Magazine and they asked if you wanted to do a movie and I said no.

1:05:52 Ron Jeremy How did you get approached to Play-Go?

1:05:53 Drew I did Play-Go, I was doing a comedy show. My ex-girlfriend sent a picture of me into Play-Go Magazine, a guy next door section and they used it.

1:06:00 Ron Jeremy This is the male version of I never wanted to be a model, I was a Tom.

1:06:05 Drew Oh, why did I mind? I knew that she was doing it.

1:06:07 Ron Jeremy And somebody put my name in for a contest that I wanted.

1:06:10 Drew She put it in, I thought they were gonna bring me in for a layout, but they used that photo instead, the Polaroid. And they used a real name too, which is pretty funny. That's why my dad, my grandma had to move out of the house. My dad goes, look, if you want to get in this crazy business, change your damn name. So I used my middle name, which is Jeremy. Anyway, so then I was approached.

1:06:25 Ron Jeremy What was your last name?

1:06:26 Drew Ron Jeremy Hyatt's full name.

1:06:28 Ron Jeremy Hyatt?

1:06:29 Drew Yes, his full name, yeah. So that appears on a lot of mainstream films, right? They didn't want the Jeremy name in there. Oh, really? Ronan and Reindeer Games. I was cut from them, but the name Hyatt appears on both credits. I was a prisoner in Reindeer Games, and I was a fishmonger in Ronan, the Robert De Niro film. So a lot of credits, a lot of credits. But anyway, so what happened was, I saw how bad the job market was for actors, and a lot of directors were doing both. Like Chuck Vinson was doing both porn and mainstream. So if you like my work, he'll put me in the mainstream film, which he did. So he put me in a film with Chris Lemon, Jack Lemon's son, called COD, and I got into the Screen Actors Guild, and from there I was doing both mainstream and porn.

1:07:05 Adam And how many, when you were working, I don't know, are you semi-retired now?

1:07:11 Drew I have a contract with a company called Metro, Metro Interactive, because they make the best movies, so I'm hooked up with them. So I work a lot less, because they pay you to be exclusive.

1:07:20 Adam Right. What do they pay you a year?

1:07:22 Drew A good, well, it's a good, I don't have to discuss that, because there are a lot of contract people out there.

1:07:25 Adam Let me just say this. Other companies. Whatever it is, I'll double you to stop. A double, whatever that price is.

1:07:31 Drew Oh, that is wrong.

1:07:32 Adam I'll double it to stop.

1:07:33 Drew Oh, that is just wrong. Please. Well, a lot of what I do is representing them on the road. A lot of what a contract is, is not having sex, but just doing dialogue scenes or, we have a line called Ron Jeremy on the loose, right? Go to different towns and have young couples put on sex scenes in the limousine or whatever.

1:07:50 Adam Yeah, I saw the Viva Ron Vegas thing.

1:07:52 Drew That was the one, that was the one, yeah.

1:07:53 Adam That was nice. Who are those twins?

1:07:54 Drew Are they cute?

1:07:55 Adam Oh my God, round of a side.

1:07:57 Drew The Texas twins. See, you didn't mind seeing that. My clothes were off for that.

1:08:01 Adam Yeah, maybe.

1:08:03 Drew So then, you represent the company on the road. You go to video stores and you represent them. So that's what the contract's all about.

1:08:11 Adam Is the industry bigger now than it's ever been? Was it bigger 10 years ago?

1:08:17 Drew It's growing all the time because of the internet, because of satellite.

1:08:19 Ron Jeremy What do you think the industry nets a year?

1:08:21 Drew They say it's an eight billion dollar business.

1:08:22 Ron Jeremy Eight billion.

1:08:23 Drew Eight billion. Four billion is on rentals of DVDs and VHSs.

1:08:28 Ron Jeremy Eight billion.

1:08:29 Adam And that's billion.

1:08:30 Drew They say it's bigger than the recording industry and bigger than the sports industry.

1:08:33 Adam It's a billion.

1:08:34 Drew The adult industry, that includes all adult. That's adult industry. Eight billion dollar business. The internet made it possible for the girls to get rich too because a lot of them now go right from themselves to a consumer. You don't need a video store. You don't need a producer, director, exhibitor, just you and the public. And if you study how to do your own web work, you become a graphic artist like Asia Carrera did or like a lot of the girls did. Tabitha Stevens did, Danny Ash did, but she doesn't do porn. Right. They have their own, they have their own, they hire their own webmasters to do it themselves. Their own graphics. Mimi Miyagi does their own graphics. So they can keep all the money to themselves. Sure. A lot of girls are becoming millionaires. You never saw that years ago.

1:09:10 Adam No.

1:09:10 Drew A lot of porn stars are becoming millionaires.

1:09:12 Adam Yeah.

1:09:12 Drew If you want to understand, Jena Jameson's five times over.

1:09:14 Adam Yeah.

1:09:14 Ron Jeremy What?

1:09:15 Drew Five times a million, she's a, you know.

1:09:17 Ron Jeremy Five millionaire.

1:09:17 Drew Yeah. So a lot of girls are doing really, really well.

1:09:20 Adam Yeah.

1:09:20 Drew I think that's five million dollars. That's partially responsible.

1:09:22 Ron Jeremy That's right, yeah.

1:09:23 Drew That was unheard of back in the days of Linda Lovelace.

1:09:26 Adam Yeah. I mean, those girls are.

1:09:28 Drew She passed away.

1:09:29 Adam She just died recently.

1:09:31 Drew Was it a car accident or something? She had problems with her liver, I'm not sure, but you know what's weird?

1:09:35 Ron Jeremy I hear alcoholism, alcoholism, alcoholism, alcoholism.

1:09:39 Drew What's weird is that she got almost back in the biz to some extent after knocking it and insulting it for so many years, she did a layout for Hustler's Leg Show or some magazine called Leg Show. She did like a skimpy layout.

1:09:49 Adam Linda Lovelace became like a born again Christian and said that she was forced, like drugged and forced to do all the scenes and started thumping the Bible and then bashing the porn industry. And I think got in a car accident about a year ago.

1:10:03 Drew The weird thing is she was bashing the porn business with that book Ordeal and The Feminists. I think Andrea Dworkin and McKinnon had her on the road. Then she says right before she died that she was at Dworkin and McKinnon where you were kind of using her too. She was used by The Feminists and she did a layout for Leg Show, which is a skimpy magazine.

1:10:19 Ron Jeremy I'm remembering now when that movie came out. I was in college and my college set up a viewing of the film in a big classroom.

1:10:26 Adam Your college, deep through the road?

1:10:28 Ron Jeremy Yes, with the Department of Psychology set up, it had been out about a year and they said, we're gonna have a viewing, about 300 kids showed up.

1:10:34 Drew Of course, you wouldn't know the psychological repercussions of deep throating somebody.

1:10:37 Ron Jeremy But they were viewing it like there was the Zabruder tapes or something. It's like, this is bizarre to think about that historical context.

1:10:43 Drew Did you feel a rise in your Levi's?

1:10:45 Ron Jeremy Of course, but it was novelty. It was like, what, what, and a fit.

1:10:48 Adam Drew popped a boner in class.

1:10:51 Ron Jeremy All right.

1:10:51 Drew A boner back then and a pilot more recently.

1:10:53 Adam We'll take ourselves a quick break. Ron Jeremy here, porn star. Yes.

1:11:00 Ron Jeremy Thank you.

1:11:00 Adam Jew first. Ron is here representing the Surreal Life.

1:11:05 Ron Jeremy Oh, excuse me.

1:11:06 Adam And we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:11:10 Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:11:12 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:11:28 Drew R-O-N, that's who I be. And freaking before they made ecstasy, Dennis Haff gave me the extra key. So I call up Polo, he called G. Let's go to the Bunny Ranch. 1-2-3. As soon as I step up to the door, let's get buck naked, do it on the floor with the sexy young lady that I adore. When she's exhausted, I look for more. They want the jacuzzi, I find four. Thank you, Daddy D. No, that's a score. American and African and two Jamaican, if I give it to me girls, I'll be partaking. Just a freak of the week, there's no mistaking. You see me hanging, see me swinging from a hammock tie to a tree, seven hotties with the bodies all over me. And it was said I was a teenage hunk, but I made a lot of dough with my tree trunk.

1:12:03 Adam Way to go, B. Way to go, R.

1:12:06 Drew That was the Bunny Ranch video. We did that for VH1. I got three rap songs out. One's from Casablanca. One was actually a hit. Freak of the Week. Came out in 97 with DJ Polo and Ice T. Yeah, it was on Billboard. I showed it to you. Billboard shot 27 weeks. I showed it to you.

1:12:18 Adam Yes, you did.

1:12:19 Drew In fact, I think you guys played it once, I think.

1:12:22 Adam Where has Ron not wet his beak over the years? As it were. As it were.

1:12:27 Drew In the ministry. I was never a rabbi.

1:12:29 Adam You could easily be one. Alright, we will go back to the phones. Ron Jeremy here tonight, a veteran of 1,700 adult films. Now, do you have to orgasm to count as one?

1:12:41 Drew I think you will. 1,700 films, I might have done dialing. That's just an average. I might have done two in some movies, maybe just done dialogue in another. It's pretty close. Probably did orgasm 1,700 times, yeah.

1:12:55 Adam Okay, enough to lay a two-lane rope from here to New York.

1:13:00 Drew Me and Gene Simmons both told Barbara Walters, we both were on the show The View a few weeks apart. We both said between 4,000 and 5,000 women in our entire life. And then I said, well, he's a rock star. He gets girls because he's a rock star. Me, there's a paycheck.

1:13:11 Adam Yeah. Gene Simmons seems like a colossal a-hole, by the way.

1:13:15 Drew He really is not.

1:13:16 Adam He is.

1:13:17 Drew He could be great with Yiddish because I think he's born in Israel. He's a very, very intelligent guy, as you know, and he has a very good relationship with Shannon Tweed. He preaches what I preach, that you can be non-monogamous physically and be monogamous emotionally. Not everyone's cup of tea, but you know.

1:13:31 Adam He seems marginally intelligent.

1:13:37 Ron Jeremy All right. People are welcome to try, but I've seen it just...

1:13:39 Drew I've seen it work. I've seen swingers who live centuries, I mean, have great relationships.

1:13:43 Ron Jeremy Two sex addicts. I've seen two sex addicts in their disease go for quite a while like that.

1:13:48 Drew Oh, great.

1:13:49 Ron Jeremy And then the S hits the fan eventually.

1:13:50 Drew The S hits the fan.

1:13:53 Adam Come on, Ron's been riding this wave for 30 years.

1:13:56 Ron Jeremy No, Ron's fine. I'm not crapping on Ron. He's great. But Ron...

1:13:58 Drew It's the lifestyle he's talking about.

1:14:00 Ron Jeremy What about it?

1:14:00 Adam What about the kids?

1:14:02 Ron Jeremy By the way, if it did work, I have no issue.

1:14:04 Drew Of course, I understand that.

1:14:05 Adam Do you want kids?

1:14:06 Drew Yes, I think I kind of want kids, yes.

1:14:08 Adam That you know about?

1:14:09 Drew Well, the standard joke is... No one's ever claimed it, and this is actually very humorous if you think about it. I have the one occupation that might protect me. When someone gets well-known or gets famous, someone comes out of the woodwork saying, Look, here's your baby. They sue you for child support up to age 18. But me, picture some girl living out of the back of a turkey fried chicken garbage dump eating, oh, there's meat on this one, eating bones. And they go, you know, they see me on TV, I bet he's got money. Kids, you see that guy doing that double A back flip sex scene? That's your fa-fa-fa. Forget it, we'll stay poor. I figured they'd tell their mom, Mom, it wasn't the rabbi. The guy that fathered my child is a po-po-po-po-po. Forget it, I'll stay poor. They don't want to admit it.

1:14:51 Adam But how do you know your sperm's any good? Because God knows it's been all over the town.

1:14:56 Drew I got to actually check in.

1:14:58 Adam No one's pregnant.

1:14:59 Drew It's funny you're saying that. A cousin of mine is actually a specialist in San Francisco who works with fertility specialists. And he said that men should check. They say when you get into your 40s, He's going to tell us he's got the highest sperm count in San Francisco. No, I mean, and you really can't go by hairy body or testosterone. People say you're full of reality. It doesn't really mean that. So I might be able to give birth unless...

1:15:22 Ron Jeremy Or you haven't been tested.

1:15:23 Drew No, I might need the help of modern science. They do it automatically.

1:15:27 Adam The good news is...

1:15:28 Drew You don't like that process, do you?

1:15:29 Ron Jeremy You know I do, but we've sort of been...

1:15:32 Drew You've got to be real careful, right?

1:15:33 Ron Jeremy No, we've come to rest too comfortably upon it as though it's going to work. But it has a very low probability of working. It can work.

1:15:42 Drew And doctors have to be really careful to take the most active sperm. You don't want to take some loser. I mean, because in the old days, the best one won the race. Now if they're pulling a needle out and putting it into the egg, they might pick out the dumb one or the bad one. You want to take out the most active... Look at the one that's really running around like a nutcase.

1:15:55 Ron Jeremy He's making an interesting point.

1:15:57 Drew That is an interesting point. A lot of rock stars and rap stars, TV stars, do it this way because they can't be in town the exact few days that their wife is fertile. So they do it this new fashion way.

1:16:08 Ron Jeremy Well, that may be with artificial insemination.

1:16:10 Drew That's what they're doing.

1:16:10 Ron Jeremy That's a turkey basterd thing.

1:16:11 Drew Right, that's what I'm talking about.

1:16:13 Ron Jeremy You're talking about actually getting the sperm concentrated and picking out good sperm.

1:16:17 Drew Yes, smacking it right into the egg.

1:16:19 Adam Alright, so if you're going to do it that way, I mean the way it is now, you shoot millions of sperm.

1:16:25 Ron Jeremy The best man wins.

1:16:27 Drew This new-fangled way, they're picking the best man.

1:16:30 Ron Jeremy What we don't know is, is the best man the guy that's able to penetrate the egg or the guy that's able to make his way up to the egg or both? Plus, you still got the guy that's going to penetrate the egg that makes it.

1:16:40 Drew You can pick guy or girl too. That way you can pick out if you want a guy or a girl.

1:16:44 Adam Just a tip, you coming on the forehead is not the way to do it. You got to go in the vagina.

1:16:49 Drew Now he tells me.

1:16:50 Adam I learned that from the show.

1:16:52 Ron Jeremy It took him quite a while to get him around the vagina.

1:16:56 Adam I've seen your work. It's on the ass, on the forehead, it's on the back, it's on the coaster, it's everywhere.

1:17:04 Drew So if I placed it right, I'd have a child in every state, including the state of despair.

1:17:08 Ron Jeremy Yes, placed it right.

1:17:09 Adam You got to place it right. Let me tell you what, Ron.

1:17:12 Drew Now he tells me, where were you 20 years ago?

1:17:14 Adam He's with these beautiful young women, but right at the end, he pulls it out, he starts talking, and pow, next thing you know, it's all over the belly, and it's not in the vagina. I've seen it a thousand times.

1:17:24 Drew You know the worst thing in the world? When you're doing a scene with another guy and a girl, like a threesome, and the guy's always on top because maybe I'm a little larger, he takes it off first, and he wants me getting his kids on my leg, saying, you get those guys off, I'm going to put them through college. Get those things off my leg. It is disgusting.

1:17:39 Adam Yeah, and when you're covered with as much hair as Ron is, that's the thing going in. It's not going anywhere.

1:17:45 Drew Oh, that's a nice visual.

1:17:46 Adam Thanks. It's still on you. It's there.

1:17:50 Drew It's never coming out.

1:17:51 Ron Jeremy Peanut butter in a carpet.

1:17:57 Adam Yeah, Drew.

1:17:58 Drew I think we're going to bring out the best of them. What do you think?

1:18:00 Adam Well, let me explain something to Drew with the threesomes and stuff. Let me tell you something about the sperm. It's spin the wheel of destiny when it comes to what direction it's going to come out and what thickness, what height. No, no, no, no.

1:18:14 Drew It's more than he needs to know.

1:18:16 Adam Here's what I'm saying. Guy, sperm coming out, coming out perfectly, all uniform, all sudden, one load pow right in the eye, just goes sailing off the side like a tracer bullet.

1:18:29 Drew That can happen. It's not the guy's fault. Girls get pissed at the guy too for that. We're not doing it on purpose.

1:18:33 Adam When you're doing a threesome and the guy next to you is finishing first, that could be your forehead.

1:18:38 Ron Jeremy More conjunctiva to get the...

1:18:40 Drew Conjunctivitis, yeah. Of course, pink eyes.

1:18:43 Ron Jeremy Enough.

1:18:43 Adam Sarah, you're 19.

1:18:49 Ron Jeremy Tell him about the ocean again.

1:18:50 Drew We bring out the best in Dr. Drew. Geikaken afon yaman avishtayim tachas metahavalyas. That he enjoys.

1:18:59 Ron Jeremy Who doesn't enjoy that?

1:19:01 Adam I'll tell you. Those brain-dead, coked-up 19-year-olds, Ron's banging the bejesus out of him. We don't have to do it again, do we?

1:19:14 Drew I like doing a commercial break for you guys. I feel special. Cabin Fever promotion. All callers 18 years and over that get on the air tonight will win a DVD of the movie Cabin Fever featuring a T-shirt with Ron Jeremy on it. James DiBello, the bad guy, wears it. That's true. It's loaded with cast and crew commentaries, lots of special features. It will be available on DVD and video starting January 20th. You'll also go into a drawing to win a trip for four. Not one, not two. Four to the Ultimate Ski Vacation in Whistler. Where's Whistler?

1:19:47 Ron Jeremy British Columbia. It's fantastic.

1:19:49 Drew Which will include airfare, lift tickets and a cabin and a signed underwear by Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

1:19:57 Ron Jeremy How many relationships have passports? None.

1:20:02 Drew Wait a minute, to go to Canada? I heard you don't always have to have one?

1:20:05 Adam No. Relax over there. Thank you Ron.

1:20:11 Drew If they don't qualify for skiing, can they take a kayak chip on some river instead of something in Atlanta, America?

1:20:16 Adam You're a total pro, Ron, by the way.

1:20:18 Drew Thank you.

1:20:18 Adam Sarah, you're 19?

1:20:20 Ron Jeremy Yes, I am.

1:20:21 Adam Alright, so you tried to have anal sex. And with two guys.

1:20:26 Ron Jeremy Not at the same time.

1:20:28 Adam Right.

1:20:29 Drew Good to know.

1:20:30 Ron Jeremy Leave that to the pros.

1:20:32 Adam That's right. And you couldn't relax.

1:20:35 Ron Jeremy I just, I can't get it down. I don't know if I'm doing it wrong.

1:20:43 Ron Jeremy Why are you trying so diligently to do something you don't like?

1:20:45 Drew The guy wants to do.

1:20:46 Ron Jeremy Two guys.

1:20:47 Ron Jeremy I do want to do.

1:20:47 Ron Jeremy But why do you want to do something that's not pleasant?

1:20:50 Ron Jeremy Well, because I heard that it felt good.

1:20:53 Ron Jeremy Yeah, but it's not feeling good to you. That's reality. It's not feeling good.

1:20:57 Ron Jeremy Oh, so, I mean, because I just thought that maybe I just couldn't do it right.

1:21:01 Drew Are you bored with vaginal sex?

1:21:04 Ron Jeremy I'm sorry?

1:21:04 Drew Do you enjoy vaginal sex?

1:21:06 Ron Jeremy This is Ron Jeremy confused why you would continue to try this thing.

1:21:09 Drew I should hang up my shanty. Do you enjoy vaginal sex?

1:21:14 Yes, I do.

1:21:16 Drew Do you feel the need to experiment right now?

1:21:17 Ron Jeremy This is back to the Porsche thing again. This is back to the Porsche thing.

1:21:21 Drew Well, do the guys really want to try it or is it not that important to them?

1:21:24 Ron Jeremy Well, I mean, yeah. And I want to try it.

1:21:28 Drew There are ways I could teach them how to do it better right now in the air. But the thing is... Yeah, they're tricks to it.

1:21:32 Adam Well, like, no.

1:21:33 Drew Okay, I'll tell you. First of all...

1:21:34 Adam Ron, not your forte in the movies, is it?

1:21:37 Drew I do a lot of that. I've done a lot of it. It's not my favorite thing to do unless the girl really likes it.

1:21:40 Adam Let Drew smell your pecker, by the way, because I don't believe you.

1:21:44 Drew The more you have sex, of course, the more she has normal sex, the more her muscles will relax and anal sex will be the leisure. First of all, the best position to start out in is whether your elbows are on the ground. And your rear end is the highest point of gravity. It's the highest point. That way the insides open up a little bit. It creates a little bit of a space. Because anyway, the guy's not pushing his skin quite as much, which causes pain. So have your elbows on the ground and your rear end totally up in the air in doggy position.

1:22:08 Adam You can't get your elbows on the ground.

1:22:10 Drew Yes, you can.

1:22:10 Adam Oh, you mean you got to be on your knees?

1:22:12 Drew Yes, the girl's elbows, yes. The guy has to have sex with you first in the vagina, you follow, because it relaxes her. I see. A vibrator doesn't hurt either on the clitoris. And then after you have some normal sex with the vagina, slow down, I can't write this fast. While the guy's doing vaginal sex with you, honey, you're not used to listening? He should try one finger first lubricated in the rear end, while he's doing the vagina. And see how you feel. If that's too painful, then stop, because if you can't take that much.

1:22:40 Adam If you're okay, you try two fingers. Hold on, hold on, is that a tablespoon or a teaspoon of KY? I'm trying to write here.

1:22:47 Drew Now you've got your second finger.

1:22:49 Ron Jeremy It's a dash.

1:22:51 Drew And once you handle the two fingers, make sure you're excited. Vibrator on the clitoris, a penis in the vagina, and then if you feel that the two fingers are okay, and you're comfortable so far, and you're well lubricated, and you're turned on and you're excited.

1:23:07 Adam Two fingers in the ass.

1:23:09 Drew Because that's the width of a man, that's the width of a penis. If you're still turned on, you want to stay excited because your muscles can relax more when you're excited. If you're not enjoying it, it's a problem. Then if everything is going smoothly, the guy can take out his two fingers, take out the penis, and then put the penis in the rear end. Again, up and over. He has to stand up almost. See, the rear end is the highest point. Remember that. So there's a little space there.

1:23:30 Ron Jeremy Let me see your hands. You defunct some of the things about hands and penis.

1:23:37 Adam Hey, you're packing there, Dr. Drew.

1:23:39 Drew Dr. Drew's got big hands. He's been hiding on all of us, folks. He's been holding back. He's packing.

1:23:45 Adam Drew, you got a pine mountain log between your legs, too.

1:23:48 Drew What are you talking about? Have you tried this before? A lot of girls, here's a problem. A lot of guys want to go right to there. What were the problems that you faced? The guys wanted to go right to the rear end?

1:23:59 Ron Jeremy I was probably positioning wrongly. He tried it from wheeling side by side.

1:24:06 Drew That can work, but this is better because when you go with gravity, when you're doing dog position, your insides are sucking down with gravity, so there's a little hole there to begin with.

1:24:16 Adam You go with gravity, go with God.

1:24:17 Drew Here's the most important thing of all, let the guy put in the very tip, and then you do the work. Let the girl, you back up to what you feel comfortable. He can't be doing the work, you have to. Let him put his thing against the tip, and you back up into him, and that's the trick.

1:24:32 Ron Jeremy I've known I had to be relaxed, I just don't know how.

1:24:35 Drew You must be relaxed.

1:24:36 Adam That's Sarah.

1:24:37 Drew It doesn't work if you're not relaxed.

1:24:42 Adam No, we're going to take a break, and we're going to come back with you, and I want you to repeat what Ron told you to do, just to make sure you've digested all of it. Ron, no helping.

1:24:51 Ron Jeremy I must leave the room. Pray to God for salvation.

1:24:55 Drew That's all I can say.

1:24:57 Adam Tips for Great Anal by Ron Jeremy, also in The Surreal Life on WB, 9 o'clock.

1:25:04 Drew There's no anal in The Surreal Life.

1:25:05 Adam Very little anal this season.

1:25:07 Drew You'll find anal in Metro tapes.

1:25:08 Adam The only disappointing thing about this year. We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back. 1-800-LOVE-191 Well, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, and now more helpful anal tips from...

1:25:49 Drew I forgot one thing I totally forgot. I forgot one more thing I didn't tell the girl. And that is, that's, and this is one of the hardest things a person should do, and it also helps us when we get a prostate check, right? Is that she should push out.

1:26:02 Adam Push out.

1:26:02 Drew Because when you suck in, it'll be a lot more pain. You have to push out almost like you're going to the bathroom. That way the man's penis could fit. Now, a girl will say, but if I push out, I'm afraid I'll make a mess. But you won't, because your rear end is the highest part. Highest part. You know, it's up in the air. So you won't make a mess. See, that's why, whenever a girl has to go, whenever a girl feels a little uncomfortable, and a director in a porn film has her riding the guy, say, you're a blithering idiot. That's the biggest way to make a mess. Right. Let the girl's rear end be the top part. You go straight down on the girl, like up and over position. Then, if she does push out, there won't be any mess, because gravity won't allow it.

1:26:37 Adam Right.

1:26:38 Drew So that's the biggest thing. I forgot to tell it to the girl. Push out.

1:26:41 Adam Yeah, but if you're...

1:26:42 Drew And while you glide on it, while you go towards the...

1:26:45 Adam Let me explain about gravity. It can be overcome. Like, see my arm right now? See, now I'm lifting my arm.

1:26:50 Drew Right.

1:26:50 Adam I've just defied gravity. Correct. You understand? Now, pretend my arm is a dookie. Ready?

1:26:55 Drew That's hard.

1:26:56 Adam Here it. Oh, defied gravity. I can move it up.

1:27:00 Drew First of all, the girl's...

1:27:01 Adam I'm going to stand up. You ready?

1:27:02 Drew Oh, I get the point.

1:27:04 Ron Jeremy Oh, my God. It's a miracle.

1:27:05 Adam You know how I did it?

1:27:06 Drew How? The girl should also be clean and not push out that hard yet. Sometimes the guy's penis will get in the way anyway, so nothing good.

1:27:17 Adam But I don't want to use my joint as an S cork.

1:27:21 Drew Basically, that's what it is. No dookie because the penis gets in the way of the dookie.

1:27:26 Adam Call it an S cork. OK, now let's get back with Sarah. She wanted to have anal sex.

1:27:30 Drew She follow all this?

1:27:33 Adam Let's see. Now no tip, no help now, Ross.

1:27:35 Drew I won't say a word.

1:27:36 Adam Sarah?

1:27:37 Ron Jeremy Yes.

1:27:38 Adam All right. Now let's give the big beats because Professor Ron told you how to engage in anal and I want you to make sure that you got it all down. Go ahead.

1:27:46 Drew Film at 11.

1:27:49 Ron Jeremy What I want to do is like position myself like up in the air, not myself but you know and then him come up and over.

1:27:59 Adam Now what's your position?

1:28:02 Ron Jeremy Like dog style.

1:28:03 Drew Correct.

1:28:04 Adam Yeah.

1:28:04 Ron Jeremy But you know me being more up in the air and him coming over and first I want to relax myself by having vaginal sex and maybe clitoral stimulation and then that would.

1:28:16 Drew Good girl. Maybe a vibrator helps too.

1:28:19 Adam Sure.

1:28:20 Ron Jeremy And maybe that would relax me some more because I'm having a hard time being relaxed and then push out a little bit and then.

1:28:30 Drew And you do the work.

1:28:32 Adam All right.

1:28:33 Drew Now, you okay.

1:28:34 Caller Typical loveline preparation.

1:28:35 Drew You forgot the fingers.

1:28:36 Adam It should bring up the most important part of it, which is.

1:28:39 Drew The guy should wear rubber.

1:28:43 Adam No one's dumber than our colors.

1:28:44 Drew Save sex because anal sex is also risky, I mean, for diseases, so make sure there's a rubber being used. Obviously, both things go for AIDS tests.

1:28:51 Adam Sarah, remember the old two finger.

1:28:53 Ron Jeremy Every time for the Trojan, that's it.

1:28:54 Adam Remember the two finger thing? Okay, better.

1:28:58 Drew It should warm you up first before the penis goes in there.

1:29:00 Ron Jeremy She's not worried about what the guy needs to do, so I see.

1:29:03 Adam I see.

1:29:03 Ron Jeremy I forgot about that. Yeah, condoms, condoms, condoms for that one.

1:29:06 Adam Ron will not rest until every teenager in America has been sodomized.

1:29:11 Drew No, I mean, it was not your cup of tea, you know, or anything. I found it fun only when the girl was, forget about porn. Before I began into porn, I mean, I liked it only when the girl liked it. If it was just to do it for me, I'd say, I like vaginas.

1:29:22 Ron Jeremy Have you had sex before porn?

1:29:24 Drew Yeah, a little. You look at it, you think, oh, he couldn't have. For free? Nobody paid you? And the girl wasn't paid either. But I mean, if the girl really liked it, it was fun. If the girl didn't like it, I didn't really need it. It's a really turn on. If the girl likes it, then it's a turn on. The bad place, the final frontier, it could be nasty, but otherwise, you know.

1:29:42 Adam Ron brings up a very valid point, which is guys are constantly trying to talk girls and doing stuff they don't want them to do. It's sort of like dragging them to a movie they don't want to see. Who wants to sit next to somebody with their arms crossed with a puss on for two hours? You know what I'm saying?

1:29:56 Drew Sam Kenison had a great way of saying this. The comedian would say, you know, the girl goes, you could do this, this, this, but not this. That's the first thing you not want to do. You know, she hadn't said anything, you know.

1:30:05 Adam Absolutely. Dean?

1:30:07 Ron Jeremy She's a theater man too, by the way.

1:30:09 Adam Yes. Dean, you're 20.

1:30:11 Ron Jeremy We'll not let you forget it.

1:30:13 Adam What's happening?

1:30:14 Caller No, I'm just sitting around touching myself right now.

1:30:17 Ron Jeremy Stop it. Stop it.

1:30:19 Drew What is going on? Did that anal conversation get you going?

1:30:22 Caller Oh, no, not too much.

1:30:24 Drew The girl had a sexy voice and she repeated how to do it.

1:30:27 Adam But remember, Dean, two fingers and lots of lube if you're going to touch yourself.

1:30:29 Caller What, are we beat off? No, I'm a dry man like you. Maybe a little...

1:30:33 Ron Jeremy What, Dean, what did you call about, dude?

1:30:35 Caller Oh, I called to talk to Adam and Ron about a little bit of rambling. And you guys could have the first XXX rambling mini-series, it'd be great.

1:30:48 Drew From yours to one of Brother's ears.

1:30:50 Adam How does it go?

1:30:51 Caller Oh, okay, this is how it starts. Adam would be, his name starting off would be Nine Hard, and he was in the war, and you were his best friend, and your name would be Ben Jammin.

1:31:06 Drew Ben Jammin?

1:31:07 Caller Ben Jammin. Adam was trapped in the war, and Ron started to get on his girl back home, and he was dead.

1:31:14 Drew That's patriotic of me.

1:31:17 Caller Yeah, so.

1:31:17 Adam All right, I'm bored. We should never, ever talk to anyone who calls a show with any kind of idea. They're always horrible.

1:31:25 Drew I like the part of me doing your girl when you're over fighting a war.

1:31:27 Adam That's cool.

1:31:28 Ron Jeremy Imagine you're a television executive having to listen to a girl.

1:31:31 Drew I gotta draw the line. Honey, honey, Adam's away in a war, so why don't you eat this while we're waiting for him to get back?

1:31:35 Adam I gotta draw the line with the anal though, and my girl. Yeah.

1:31:39 Drew Adam's in the war right now, honey. Can you take these two fingers and put them someplace?

1:31:42 Adam I've seen a lot of Ron's films. I haven't seen much anal. Well, maybe it's a choose not to, a choose not to.

1:31:48 Drew I did a lot in my younger days. I did a lot more when I was younger. I did a lot of Swedish erotica. It used to almost save me for some of the anal scenes. I figured I was pretty good at it, so I used to break some of them in, you know.

1:31:56 Adam Right, right. Oh, I mean, yeah, Ron.

1:31:58 Drew It really is an important technique to doing it, plus, you know, and the important thing I forgot also to say, but it's not really her concern, is that the guy doesn't have to put the whole thing in. You know, like when a girl, I mean, the guy doesn't have to, you know, you know that, right?

1:32:07 Adam Yeah.

1:32:08 Drew No. Because it's a lot more uncomfortable there than other places, so you can just, the guy can just put the tip in, it's like they used to call me just the tip Jeremy, and just go easy. You know, I say to a girl, how big is your boyfriend? Well, four inches. I'll put in three. Right. Doesn't matter, you know. Right.

1:32:21 Adam If he's five, you put in four.

1:32:22 Drew Exactly.

1:32:23 Adam If he's 26 inches, you put in 25. Yeah.

1:32:26 Drew You need to launch the whole thing in there. You don't have to go balls deep. It's not easy, you know.

1:32:29 Adam It's a nice conversation. How big is your boyfriend's joint? Six inches.

1:32:34 Drew I'll put in four.

1:32:35 Adam I'll drop four in.

1:32:38 Drew It works.

1:32:39 Adam Yeah. And let me confirm it with him.

1:32:41 Drew It looks good on film. It looks just as good on film. Like look at Joan Holmes.

1:32:44 Adam It looks better.

1:32:45 Drew It looks better because you can't get the whole thing in there. It looks good on film doing that.

1:32:48 Adam No, because you see some left, otherwise it's like, we don't even know if you have a penis. You're just humping an ass.

1:32:53 Drew Exactly.

1:32:54 Ron Jeremy Go on a break.

1:32:55 Adam Take a break. Drainal rape. How big is your grandfather's joint? Oh, great. Okay. Seven.

1:33:03 Drew Oh, gosh. An abused girl. How big was your dad? I'll put in less.

1:33:06 Adam That's wrong. Four and a half? No, that's wrong. I'll drop in four. I'll take a quick break. Drew, what do you got? What should I drop in during the break?

1:33:14 Drew Notice, you never said a rabbi goes to the rabbi. I'll put in less.

1:33:16 Adam They don't do that.

1:33:17 Drew And you never said a rabbi is doing that.

1:33:18 Adam I'm too busy talking and telling bad jokes, too.

1:33:20 Drew They can have a wife.

1:33:21 Adam Abuse any of their parents.

1:33:21 Drew Because rabbis can have wives.

1:33:22 Adam That's right. Yeah. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:26 Caller I'm a Jew.

1:33:28 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal.

1:33:29 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:33 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:34 Ron Jeremy Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:33:38 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:11 Adam Well, that's the show. I want to thank, a lot of thanks. First, I want to thank Ron Jeremy for coming in here tonight, telling me I'm gonna watch the Surreal Life on the WB, nine o'clock Sunday night. Favorite new show. I want to thank engineer Chris for doing a great job out here, engineer Anderson for doing a fantabulous job back at the home base, Westwood Two. The dump, the smelly cesspool dump, as I like to call it. I want to thank Junior. Junior, Producer Lorne for doing a great job over here. And of course, producer Ann for booking great guests like Ron and many others. All right, Drew.

1:34:49 Ron Jeremy I'll be away for a couple of days.

1:34:50 Adam Fantastic. I look forward to you being gone.

1:34:52 Ron Jeremy I'm going to Deer Valley.

1:34:53 Adam Enjoy.

1:34:53 Drew Vacation. Nice.

1:34:56 Adam And until next time.

1:34:58 Drew Oh, thank you, Brian.

1:34:59 Adam Outside, out of mind. Miss you, buddy. Love you. Phone screen of Brian. Until next time. Thanks, Ron. Sayin Mahala.

1:35:07 Drew So you're singing from a hammock tied to a tree, seven hotties with the bodies all over me. I never said I was a teenage hunk, but I made a lot of dough with my tree trunk.

1:35:17 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, January 15, 2004