Episode 1000588177340

0:11 Adam Hey everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

0:14 Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-E-F.

0:17 Drew I don't think your mic is on.

0:18 Oh, really?

0:18 Drew I don't hear Adam talking. I hear him through my mic.

0:21 Adam I hear me.

0:22 Drew There you go. I strange you don't hear it, but go ahead.

0:26 Adam Okay, but 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-E-F. I don't sound great.

0:30 Drew I don't hear it at all.

0:31 Adam Dr. Drew, board certified.

0:32 That's what you asked for last night.

0:34 Adam Addiction medicine specialist. What'd you ask for last night, Drew?

0:38 To not hear you.

0:40 Adam Well, I'm hearing some...

0:41 Drew There we go.

0:42 Adam I'm hearing some good feedback on my side, too.

0:44 Drew I'm good.

0:45 Adam Oh, thank Christ we don't do a real radio show where it's held up to the same scrutiny that other real radio shows.

0:50 Drew Would it be a surprise if we started and there was a technical problem? Should I keep quiet about it?

0:54 Adam Yeah, Drew, come on, buddy. You gotta be a pro. We'll fix that up in post. Just clean it up before we send it out to the affiliates.

1:01 Drew What's the phone number here anyway?

1:02 Adam 1-800-LOVE-191. Test. Okay, yeah, you're right. Something's bad, Anderson.

1:08 Drew We're hearing Adam's voice back about, and my voice too, about a quarter of a second later in a fuzzy, obnoxious, annoying feedback. Is your headset real loud?

1:19 Adam Headset?

1:19 Drew What are headsets? Cans.

1:21 Adam Cans?

1:21 Drew Are they real loud?

1:22 Adam Oh, my cans, because that's what we call them in radio.

1:24 Drew If I were afraid if I call anything cans around you, you're gonna think.

1:27 Adam I'm gonna get a boner?

1:28 Drew Yeah.

1:29 Well, if you guys should look at Chris and just give him a hard look and hope something happens because there's nothing I can do from this angle.

1:34 Adam I believe that. And you know what happens? I'm giving engineer Chris over here a hard look. You know what happens in radio frequently? I figured out. And I don't judge. I don't blame. People who know me know I don't judge, but it's like this. Like you go to the engineer, what's going on? And they go, first reaction. I think they do it in like engineer training school, which is, all right, class, everybody, somebody just accused you of not having a setting right. And react, huh, what? What is this? Nice improvising, Stu, that's a very good. First reaction is nothing. Second reaction is, if you follow up is, it's the same as it was, I haven't touched it. And then somewhere in the next 15 to 20 minutes, something has slid, a button is pushed or whatever. And then they're say, well, that wasn't, thing.

2:16 Drew I like the usual reaction. Call the engineer. And the usual thing is, the usual thing is taking the hands off the board.

2:26 Adam Yeah, I like, I like that move.

2:29 Yeah, it's like, so, oh, that's worse.

2:33 Adam Now we're bad. Yeah, you did make it worse. That's all I can do. I heard me. Yeah, it's as if someone accused you of not driving correctly. So you just pulled your hands off the wheel. So be it. You want me to climb into the back seat? I'll just put a center block on the accelerator and climb into the trunk of the car. Not me. Hey, wait a minute. Is this better? A little bit.

2:54 Drew A little bit, yeah.

2:54 Adam Something's better, but I can't hear me too good now, but I'm not hearing my echo.

2:58 Drew So it must be coming through your cans.

2:59 Adam Test? A little bit.

3:01 Drew I hear it, yeah.

3:02 Adam All right, well, this is a fine time for me to talk about me. Guess where I'm heading tomorrow, Drew?

3:08 Drew Las Vegas?

3:09 Adam No, downtown. Yeah. Los Angeles. Got to jury duty.

3:14 Drew No.

3:14 Adam Yeah.

3:15 Drew Ignore it.

3:16 Adam Oh, I have. Uh-oh, what happened? Yeah. No, the next thing is they say that they will fire a shot above my head.

3:24 Drew No, I thought you said-

3:25 Adam The marshals will come to my house and one round warning shot.

3:28 Drew You told, we had this conversation.

3:30 Adam Yes.

3:30 Drew You were indignant that I went through with it and that you could pay your way out or something.

3:34 Adam No. I have been blowing off jury duty for 21 years, essentially, in this city. Do you know what I mean?

3:45 Drew Yeah.

3:46 Adam And it got to the point where they finally said, you gotta start calling in. This is last time around. And I was calling in and I made it through the whole week. And then I called Thursday night and they're like, yeah, you gotta come in Friday. And I said, shine that noise. I didn't come in. And now they're like, if you don't come in tomorrow, we'll shoot at you. Maybe you're right, Drew. Maybe I should just aff it. It is. Whatever the fine is, it's worth it, right? Yeah.

4:13 Drew You can't imagine.

4:14 Adam Oh, really? And look, let me.

4:16 Drew It gives you tons of great material, though, Adam. Endless material.

4:20 Adam Look, also there's a part of me that thinks, I need to work on some stuff. I'll go down there, I'll bring my notebook, I'll bring my headphones, I'll just sit there and try not to get hepatitis from the people next to me and write myself a great American novel or something. Maybe I'll get something done.

4:36 Drew You'll spend hours.

4:38 Adam And I'll be loaded for bear when I come back here. But the real problem is 745. And God knows how long the traffic is. I don't even know. Here's the whole thing about this. Just getting random selected retards from your city to choose the fate of somebody. Is this the world's greatest plan? And by the way, you ever just stop guys on the street and ask them their opinion on anything? Three-quarters of them think, first off, seven-eighths of the population believes in fairies. You know what I mean? They think there's angels watching them. They believe that they have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The ones that don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ have a personal relationship with the mothership.

5:24 These are those gold dust moments.

5:26 Adam Yes, these are the tards we need. Oh yeah, oh no, absolutely. This is what we need. Really? I imagine, just close your eyes for a second, imagine your fate being put in the hands of the idiots that we have to deal with, that you drive behind on the freeway every day. I put a bullet in my head. Look, let's just work the computer thing out. Holy mother of pearl, let's just work out that goddamn computer. Let's have professional jurors. Here's the deal, no criminal record, we need a Bennington ad worth of nationalities, all different nationalities. We'll work out the nationality depending on whatever the city populace is.

6:10 Drew Shouldn't they all be educated and smart?

6:12 Adam No, but listen to me, if the city is 33% Hispanic, then we have 3.3 Mexicanos on the thing, and a two point black, and a Polynesian, and we get all worked out. So, it mirrors the city exactly. Whatever the percentage is, that's what it is. Okay, that's done. Then everybody has to have at least a four year degree. Maybe it's helpful if you got a little something in law. Maybe you watch Barnaby Jones or something. I don't know what helped. You have no criminal history, and no felony arrest, no substance abuse problems. Pow, professional juror would pay you. Yeah, you're like a school teacher. You give you like $43,000 a year, you get weekend off every sixth week, and that's it.

6:56 Drew Utopia.

6:57 Adam Utopia. We're done. Leave us alone. Don't hold your citizens hostage. And believe me, no great thrill for me to go see some guy who's got popped for trying to stab his old lady with a sprinkler key. I don't need to go.

7:12 Drew I think it'll give you an education.

7:15 Adam Okay. Now, I'm thinking of how to get out of this immediately.

7:18 Drew And here's the first thing you can show up down there at any time in the morning and show up with this cafeteria downstairs. You go in there, go, I got to reschedule. They're very good about that.

7:27 Adam I don't want to reschedule. I want to go there and get out. But here's the thing. Here's my thing. I don't I don't have God's law. I don't have the city's law. I just have my law. You're talking to a guy who plays by your own rules. I hate man. I don't. Yeah, I drive through left turn red arrows all day long. I even get my car and go look for them and just drive in circles just to break the law. I don't care. If you tell me some guys got a pot plant in his backyard, I don't give a rat's ass. I'll do nothing to him. I told I will not do anything. All right.

7:57 Drew I think woman woman stands up and goes, no, speak English and he goes, yeah, sit down.

8:04 Adam Well, it's Los Angeles.

8:05 Drew Then he's this judge is going on about, you know, I need to know that you can stand by your opinion and you won't be persuaded by the group. If you're the only person in the group, I need to know for sure that you wouldn't be persuaded to follow the group just because they all felt differently than you if you had strong conviction to the conviction of the contrary. And I went to excuse me. I can't tell you that. I don't know. I'm going to be. But do you mean to tell me? Look, you're persuading me right now. What are you talking about?

8:31 Adam You're like putty, Drew. You're malleable, buddy. OK, but I told me to sit down and get the let's just get the stupid. Let's just get the computer worked out. Let's get my lie detecting computer going, hooking the guy up. Did you do it? Didn't you do it? Pow. And really, you know, they do that. Oh, well, our system is so great. Yeah. O.J.'s got a 7 a.m. tea time tomorrow. Fine. The other guy, the other millionaire guy hacked up his neighbor, put him in a hefty bag and threw him in the river. He's in a foursome with OJ. So what? So look, once. Meanwhile, there's black guys on Death Road and their only crime is having a gold tooth. They still should. They should do some time for but not they not not be looking at the gallows, not the chair. The point is, the system's not so spectacular anyway. Yes, it is true when people do this, they go, well, it's better than anything else. Yeah. Look at Iraq. They put you in a sack and throw you off a roof if you look at someone's rooster cross side. You know why our system is so great? It's not that our system is that great. It's the countries, our competition, wow, Jesus Christ, those retards in those other countries. So it's like, well, you know, it's all as well for us to crush you with a boulder. I mean, I mean, they're several thousand years off the pace, you know, so it's not really that we're that great. It's just they're that bad.

9:55 Drew You need to go. I need you to share my.

9:56 Adam I'm coming fired up. Go late. But I go to bed at 2 to 30, go to eight, eight, thirty. I know. But you know what the traffic on this goddamn city leave it a. All right. I'm fired up. I remember I'm pre fired.

10:12 Drew Yeah, you should page me if you can't. I'll tell you I'll walk you through where you need to go and stuff, because that's the hardest part is finding the building and now, you know, I mean, you know what?

10:19 Adam You know, here's what's going to happen. Here's what's going to happen. Drew is going to turn into one of these movies. I'm going to come out. My car is going to be towed. I'm going to go on some sort of rampage where I go into City Hall. Next thing you know, cop tries to stop me. His gun goes off. Other cops start shooting at me. I pick his gun up and run, but I'm, you know, it's self-defense. Next thing you know, I'm barricaded in the mayor's office. I'm returning fire. And that's how I go. It's going to snowball into something horrendous.

10:49 Drew You may just grab a gun and start firing just out of frustration, the whole experience. Here's Jen.

10:57 Caller Hi.

10:57 Drew How are you?

10:58 Adam Good. You're 27. What's up?

11:01 Caller Well, I've been dating this guy for about a month and a half and this dark flu, you know, there was a lot of fun sexual tension energy. And for some reason, he seemed to have liked getting oral pleasure in public. And I thought, okay, it was just a whim, whatever. But the one night that I did stay with him, you know, I met all his friends and everybody else that's in his life. And, you know, when it came down to it, he told me that he wasn't right to have sex with me. And this has been going on for like a month and a half now. And he won't talk about why he won't. He just ends the conversation right there.

11:44 Drew So how old is he?

11:45 Caller He's 29.

11:47 Drew And you have had oral sex with him?

11:49 Caller Yes, I performed for him.

11:51 Drew Multiple times?

11:54 Caller I would be able to count on one hand.

11:56 Drew And then he's had you meet everyone in his life?

11:59 Caller Yeah, all of his friends that he grew up with. And it was kind of like, OK.

12:03 Adam Now they buy his bedside. Is he dying? And wait, hold on. First off, ask me if you've performed oral sex.

12:12 Drew If you had oral sex with him?

12:13 Adam Yes, I've performed that. I'm not asking Adam West at some sort of actor symposium.

12:24 Drew I could count the number of times on my hand.

12:26 Adam Yes, I have performed fellatio on said boyfriend. I could count the number of times on one hand, provided that one hand had 700 fingers. I'd like a caveat like that one time. All right, so, what's up with Jen? Jen?

12:49 Caller Yes.

12:49 Adam Okay, so you, I guess you have to look at oral sex as a performance if you're doing it in public. It's like Shakespeare in the Park or something, right?

12:59 Caller Yeah, I would say it would have to be compatible to Shakespeare in the Park. Yeah, by public it's not like in a bathroom.

13:08 Drew Let's just say Jen's not used to talking on the radio. I think that's a good one.

13:11 Adam And I am. Jen, where where did you have oral sex with him?

13:18 Caller It would be in a parking lot from...

13:24 Drew Is Jen from France?

13:27 Adam She's from...

13:29 Drew Drake's Best Quantities.

13:30 Adam Yeah, oh, Drew doing a warming over Conehead bit from the mid 70s. Hey Jen.

13:37 Caller Yeah.

13:38 Adam In a parking lot across from what?

13:41 Caller Across from a venue in Chicago where we went and saw a show, a concert.

13:46 Drew Said venue?

13:48 Adam I performed said fellatio on The Victim. It would be 1800 hours approximately when I performed said fellatio. I remember there was a van license plate, Alfa, Bravo, Foxtrot, Charlie, custom or vanity plate. Wow, Jen's like, I want to ask Jen. Jen, are you in the military? Do you drive an ambulance? What do you do?

14:33 Caller I'm a student at a culinary school and I'm a head bartender at a bar.

14:40 Adam Head bartender at a bar, you say?

14:43 Drew Said bar.

14:44 Adam Said bar.

14:45 Drew All right, Jen, our first impression with this guy would be he's not that into this. He's afraid of what it's going to mean to you by sort of consummating things.

14:56 Adam I don't like this guy.

14:57 Drew Well, that's the first impulse.

14:58 Adam And here's the other thing, too. How long have you been dating him in hours, please?

15:04 Caller Well, I wouldn't count hours, but it would be approximately about five weeks.

15:09 Adam Five weeks.

15:10 Drew And what was the circumstance where you met all the friends? Was it just a party you guys were at and it happened to be a place where lots of his friends were?

15:16 Caller It was actually with a date and we ended up going to one of his local bars. And he introduced me to all of his friends that we were meeting up with.

15:26 Adam Like St. Elmo's Fire. He walks in and everyone he went to high school with is hanging out at the bar.

15:32 Drew I think Jen is making more of this.

15:34 Adam Okay, Jen, here's the deal. All right. Listen. Just listen. Please listen to me. I'm sorry this may sound insulting, but it's important that you answer this question. Do you have a big ass?

15:47 Caller No, I do not.

15:49 Adam Have you had difficulty dating in the past?

15:52 Caller No, I haven't.

15:53 Adam You guys are attracted to you? You've not had difficulty getting guys to commit or have sex or have the kind of relationship that you would like to have?

16:03 Caller Oh, no, no, no problems there.

16:05 Drew Anything special about this guy?

16:06 Adam Then clip him.

16:07 Drew Is he tough in some ways? Is he above the numbers don't match?

16:10 Adam I'm getting a man. I'm getting a trouble. Is he a nice looking guy? A little.

16:16 Caller He's not like the elephant man on campus.

16:18 Adam A little out of your league, maybe?

16:22 Caller No, I would say compatible.

16:24 Adam Well, that's what we all think. But does he make decent money?

16:29 Drew Or is he another student?

16:32 Caller No, no, he owns his own company.

16:35 Adam He could looking guy owns his own company. He just may be looking at you as sort of a good time, but not too serious. Is he divorced?

16:42 Caller No, no, no, no, no.

16:44 Adam How old is he?

16:46 Caller He's 29.

16:47 Adam Oh, okay. He may be eight years from getting married and looking at you as sort of a stepping stone.

16:53 Drew Or he might be a nice guy. I'd be afraid to hurt you knowing that he's not interested.

16:57 Adam Move on. Don't trust him.

17:00 All right, that's enough.

17:01 Drew Whatever guy is not having sex, it's a big deal.

17:05 Adam Look, here's the thing, here's the thing, Drew, feel free to disagree, but silently. If a guy... Okay, first five weeks, you're dating someone, you're with someone crucial. You start... Here's the thing, you start showing up late for dates, you have some awkward demands, you don't, you know, you act up, you act out of line.

17:27 Drew It means something.

17:28 Adam It means you don't care. Or you're an ass, you have personality problems. But moreover, even guys with personality defects, if they're really into somebody, can kind of pull it together for the first month. That's the whole idea. The whole deal is, look, you're slob, you masturbate feverishly, you listen to horrible 80s music, you scratch your ass and then sniff it. You do all these things and you can't let this other person find this out about you. They have to think you love your mom and love animals and love retarded people and love everybody. You know what I mean? Now, if you just have this sort of come see come saw attitude the first five weeks, you're just not interested. And you know there's a difference in numbers. That's what it is. It's unspoken. But it's like, hey, I'm good looking, I own my own business, I drive a nice car, make a few bucks. You're a student, nothing wrong with you, but, you know, I'm a nine, you're seven and a half. So hey, if you want to hang out, you want to pound a few beers and give me a BJ in the parking lot, fine, I can swing. I got nothing going right now.

18:32 Drew He's interested in grabbing for the tens.

18:34 Adam Yeah. I'm looking for a ten and I don't want to screw you because I don't need the claws sinking in. I've had this problem in the past.

18:41 Drew Right.

18:42 Adam Banged a couple of nurses, yestera, back in the past. Now next thing you know, they're out front of the condo honking the horn drunk and they've taken a key and scratched man whore into the hood of the vet. You know what I'm saying?

18:58 Drew But even less sort of ominous, he may just be a nice guy who doesn't want to drag you into something you're not ready for.

19:04 Adam Right. Getting cathartic now. So here's the thing. Ladies, you're dating a guy and the guy seems sort of half interested the first month.

19:15 Drew He is half.

19:15 Adam He is half. No, he may be quarter interested with a boner. Move on. Move on. Guys should be attentive. Guys should be there.

19:24 Drew They should be like a laser beam. That's the laser beam period. Not smothering you, not getting weird, but saying the right things, doing the right thing. If there's not clarity, because the guy is clear in his intention. If he's not being clear. Right.

19:37 Adam Now women, it's different. Women can play a little bit coy. Women could want to feel you out just a little bit. Women could not want to sleep with you. Women could say, all right, look, I've been burned in the past. I want to make sure that I don't get my hopes up too high. Whatever. But listen, ladies, if the guy's not showing serious interest and as Drew said, clarity, move on. All right. Jeff. You're 16. Now the only way he comes around is if he gets you pregnant and then gets in some sort of refinery fire or something.

20:08 Drew His number dropped.

20:09 Adam Right. Jeff.

20:12 Jeff.

20:17 I had a question for Dr. Drew.

20:20 Today, Junior!

20:21 That was the, if you hold back your orgasm, is it pretty much bad for you or what?

20:28 Drew What do you mean hold back?

20:29 Adam You mean catch it and stuff it back in?

20:32 No, like, you know, when you're going to pee and you can kind of hold back your urine, the same generally.

20:38 Drew You mean, you mean during an orgasm, contracting the muscles of the pelvic floor to try to keep it from coming out?

20:44 Yeah.

20:45 Drew That's not good for it. It can irritate your prostate and cause some retrograde ejaculation, irritate the urethra and cause stricturing and things. There are things that can happen, but it's not awful. Just when things are meant to come out of your body, generally they need to come out.

20:59 Adam What, why? What's your plan, Jeff?

21:02 Caller Well, no, I just thought I'd do it every now and then, so it kind of made me curious if it was bad for you.

21:06 Adam What, what for though? I mean, is it a clean freak?

21:10 Caller No, it just like, it still comes out, but it just delays it and then like makes the orgasm stronger kind of.

21:18 Adam Oh, really?

21:20 Drew Well, so be it.

21:22 Adam Yeah, I don't know what you're going to do.

21:23 Drew It takes all kinds.

21:24 Adam I'll tell you, it does, and I never did that pinch off or hold back or pull back thing, and it just seemed like sort of defeating the purpose.

21:35 Drew The human is so funny. We all have the same gear, but some of us got to kind of work it, monkey with it.

21:41 Adam I think this idea is just sort of, there's a lot of guys that spend their life trying to master their balls, like, hey, I'm going to command you when to orgasm, when not to orgasm. I can have sex for hours without orgasming. I can do that weird trick where I make them come up like a landing gear with 747. Listen, you know what I have with my balls? We live together in harmony, peacefully, peacefully, no jealousy, no envy. They do their thing. I do mine. I go my own way. They go their way.

22:14 Drew There was a time when there was a little discord. You were doing your own thing a little too frequently for them to keep up.

22:21 Adam Balls were spending a lot of time with the penis.

22:24 Drew They were over, you know, a little over time for them. They had to work overtime.

22:27 Adam I felt...

22:28 Drew You paid them. Timely.

22:30 Adam I felt neglected. I felt left out. I felt like...

22:33 Drew They were too busy trying to keep up with you.

22:36 Adam Yeah. I don't want to pull a scab off of that wound. We worked it out. We went into counseling.

22:43 Drew No, I got it. Yeah. It's all good now.

22:44 Adam Broke down.

22:46 Drew Lost the will to live.

22:47 Adam We hadn't been communicating. We were... They were upset over a haircut I'd given them, actually. And that's where it started. And, you know, when you don't talk, things fester. But, anyway, me and my balls, simpatico now. We're good. And we're on a happy note. We're going to go on this commercial break.

23:07 Drew Oh, fantastic.

23:08 Adam All right. I'm going to send my balls into the head to clean up. Because, God knows, five minutes out of the shower, they stink like ass. And I'm going to head over to the closet and bust out some honey roasted peanuts. Yes, sir? Oh, yeah.

23:24 Caller Let's go. Yeah.

23:25 Adam We'll be back after this.

23:32 Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll free, 1-866-344-KNOW.

23:48 Adam I'm Adam. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-E-191. Chris. I want you to take the lid, I want you to put them on those sweet and crunchy Carmel nuts there, the toffee nuts, and then I want you to take all three of those cans, the honey roasted, the regular, take them all out of the room, throw them away, and then come back in here, and then in 10 minutes go get them out of the trash can and bring them back. All right? But get them out of my face. You understand?

24:20 Drew And by the way, we will kill you for them.

24:22 Adam Keep them away.

24:22 Drew We can see them.

24:23 Adam We'll take them away and throw them, and then we'll go get them, and we'll do that three more times, and we'll find...

24:29 Drew Each break.

24:29 Adam We should finish them off by about 11.

24:30 Drew All three cans.

24:35 Adam Yeah. God damn, though. I love peanuts.

24:37 Drew Oh, I...

24:37 Adam I love all nuts.

24:38 Drew You know, I did CNN tonight, and who was there was Andrew Weil, the guy from University of Arizona, the health guy.

24:44 Adam Health guy.

24:44 Drew The guy with the big white beard.

24:46 Adam Oh, yeah. You mean the guy who looks like St. Nick?

24:48 Drew Exactly. And I was asking you about this issue of eating. I said, are you guys doing any studies on motivational systems and what makes people want to change their dietary habits, sustain the changes? Oh, yeah, that's the whole thing. Whole thing. That's everything. Doing research?

25:03 Adam That's what they're doing?

25:04 Drew No.

25:05 Adam Not really? Why not?

25:07 Drew Because no one knows how to do that. How do you change the motivational priorities of the brain once they're going in one direction?

25:13 Adam I don't know, but it seems to me that you coming up with a shortening that doesn't have fat calories, but causes explosive diarrhea, and putting it into a chip that tastes like the bag it came in, it's probably the wrong path, you know what I mean?

25:33 Drew We have tons of great diets, tons of great information, it's just getting people to do it. And we're exhibiting it right now. We're trying to lose weight this week, we're trying to lose our diet. You stick some of that heroin in front of us, those nuts, what are we going to do? How do you change that? Once the brain is, your motivational priorities are moving in a certain direction, it is very difficult to change direction.

25:54 Yeah baby.

25:57 Adam Chris, give me those nuts back.

25:59 Drew Oh, you're eating them.

26:00 Adam Chris is eating them.

26:01 Did I say you could have those?

26:03 Adam I know I said you could, but when I said you could help yourself, I meant like three, I didn't mean double dipping into the can.

26:10 Drew That's his Christmas gift to you, I'll remind you by the way.

26:12 Oh, is that his gift to me?

26:14 Adam Oh wait, he gave me coffee.

26:15 Drew Oh no wait, it must have been Lawrence.

26:16 Adam I don't dare you, Drew. All right, now seriously, Chris, throw those away and then get them out of the trash and then bring them back. And then don't eat any on the way. Thank you. Justin? You're 16?

26:30 Caller Yes.

26:30 Adam What's going on?

26:32 Caller Um, I got two piercings on my scrotum and like my friend was talking to me about getting a Prince Albert.

26:40 Drew Your friend was talking to you, you're 16.

26:42 Caller Yeah, well like I want to get it. I want to get it. Why?

26:46 Because I heard it.

26:48 Drew I don't understand. It's a shocking question. But why?

26:51 Caller Well, my friend says it increases your sex drive.

26:55 Drew No, it doesn't. If anything, it could cut it down pretty good sometimes.

26:59 Adam First off, you're 16, right?

27:01 Drew You need your sex drive increased?

27:02 Adam Jesus Christ. Like you need to be turned up anymore.

27:05 Caller Do you need to have an erection?

27:06 Adam Six times a day already? Yeah, what do you want to do?

27:08 Drew Erection constantly? Just you can't even like...

27:11 Caller I don't know, my big fear is like I don't want to nail that part of my body to a board that's kind of my big dilemma and I don't know if like it's gonna damage anything.

27:20 Adam Okay, listen. I have no idea. Like the guy's got ball piercing so...

27:25 Drew He doesn't want to nail his genitalia to a board?

27:28 Adam Like Christ, Drew. My dick died on the cross for you.

27:33 Drew For me?

27:34 Adam Well, you know, for you guys, yeah, for your sins. For you eating all this caramel lunch. Oh, look, who cares about Justin? 16 is an idiot.

27:41 Drew I'm curious. I'm really...

27:44 Adam You're hallucinating now.

27:47 Drew His other plan was to put a nail and drive it into some wood and...

27:50 Adam He's just going to tell you that's how they do it.

27:53 Yeah.

27:53 Drew That's how they do the Prince Albert.

27:55 Yeah, like... All right.

27:58 Drew That's not how they do it.

27:59 Adam I don't know if it's bogus or he's an idiot or whatever it is. Look, leave the spears out of the penis and balls. Call me old fashioned.

28:07 Drew Good plan.

28:07 Adam Call me grandpa. I don't like hooks through the joint.

28:11 Drew Whatever your thought process is that you're going to get out of the hoops and the spears and the penis, it's not true. It's not real. You're not going to get it.

28:20 Adam It's 16. You should be looking for the best piece of tail to nail and that is going to be you at your happiest. And that goes 16 through death, quite honestly. Nothing could be better. And the whole thing about, well, chicks, well, the problem with that is you're not walking around with your dick hanging out of your fly. How do they know? You know, women aren't magically attracted to you, or unless they hear jingling coming from your groin as you come jogging down the street. Just leave it alone.

28:55 Drew And by the way, far more are going to be repulsed by that.

29:00 Adam Well, put it this way. The chicks are turned on by the ones you don't want.

29:05 Drew Yes, maybe Justin does, but OK, be that as it may, yeah, you shouldn't want necessarily.

29:13 Adam You're 18. What's up?

29:15 Caller Um, yeah, I was in a trailer with eight people and I dated one of the guys that live here and he's like, absolutely insanely possessive of me now.

29:25 Drew Hang on, hang on. You're in a trailer with eight people?

29:29 Caller Yeah, it's a four bedroom trailer.

29:32 Drew You live in Alaska? They have trailers?

29:38 Caller We don't live in a glue.

29:40 But so I have this glue.

29:44 Adam It glues a step up from a trailer, isn't it?

29:46 I guess so.

29:50 Adam OK, so you live in an eight. Now, do you rent a trailer? You and a bunch of young people?

30:01 Caller Yeah, the oldest one, I believe, is like 22.

30:03 Drew I just didn't think the trailers could withstand the elements up there. There was zero in Alaska today.

30:08 Adam Polar bear like bust right through the side, aluminum siding. Just take your head off.

30:12 Drew Most tip the thing over.

30:13 Adam Put the handlers right through there.

30:15 Caller Actually, yeah, I saw a polar bear walking down the street last week. It's pretty crazy.

30:19 Adam So what?

30:19 Drew Polar bear walking down the street.

30:21 Adam A polar bear?

30:22 Drew Are you an anchorage? Where do you live?

30:25 Caller I live in Anchorage.

30:27 Drew Anchorage. I was there. There were moose walking down the street. Yeah, moose just wander around. It's like deer in this part of the country.

30:38 Adam So let me ask this. First off, just because it's going to be funny, what is the rent on this four bedroom Alaskan trailer?

30:47 Caller The rent in our four bedroom Alaskan trailer is $780 a month.

30:50 Adam $780 a month. So and there's 80 of you living there?

30:57 Caller There's eight of us.

30:58 Adam So you each pay like $93 a month?

31:01 Caller Yeah.

31:01 Caller Something like that.

31:02 Drew And the two of you per bedroom?

31:06 Caller That's pretty much how it worked out.

31:08 Drew And one of these guys became your boyfriend?

31:11 Caller Yes. But it wasn't until after he moved in.

31:17 Drew And now he's going insane.

31:20 Caller I broke up with him and now he wants my chocolate pie. And he can't have it.

31:24 Drew What's your what?

31:27 Adam Hold on a second. Either this is bogus.

31:30 Drew Nothing's bogus.

31:33 Adam She said what? Her chocolate pie?

31:35 Drew Is that what she said?

31:37 Adam I thought she said chocolate pie.

31:38 Drew I have to know. I'm so curious about these people tonight.

31:41 Adam And wouldn't it be Eskimo pie? Chocolate pie.

31:45 Drew Oh, he wants to have anal sex with her.

31:48 Caller Yes, he wants me to keep having sex with him.

31:49 Caller But I don't want anything like that with him.

31:52 Adam No.

32:00 Drew How old is the guy?

32:01 Caller He's 20.

32:03 Drew Okay, here's the deal. This is a boundary problem. You need to move out. You need to change. Look, this guy's not going to stop. His sort of engines are turned on. He's into you. You broke up with him. He's still into you. He's sort of bearing a torch for you that ain't going to go away. And so when you try to have a fling with someone, you run the roommates, date some of the guy that you bring home, it's going to be a disaster. This guy's going to get drunk, get violent. It's going to be bad news.

32:27 Adam Yeah.

32:27 Drew Get out of there. Change, change. You can find another place where you can pay nine, three bucks a month.

32:31 Adam You know, I can only... I'm getting us... I'm picturing what that trailer smells like. Eight people, heater blaring all winter long. You know what I mean?

32:41 Drew I just remember the smell of like fraternity or basements.

32:45 Adam Yeah.

32:45 Drew That's...

32:46 Adam Lots of people. Week. Here's the deal. Bongs have been spilled, a little vomit, a little semen.

32:53 Drew Bongs, beer, three Bs. Bongs, beer, and BO. That's what...

32:56 Adam And with just like a dash of semen and vomit. Yes.

33:01 Drew Yes.

33:02 Adam You know?

33:02 Drew Well, that's what comes around for color. Once in a while, it springs up.

33:05 Adam Vomit is like a cat to where it's like, yeah, go ahead, knock yourself out with the simple green. It's still going to be little something going to be here. Never quite right. Once that vomit soaks through to the padding of the carpet and stuff, that's that. And yeah, you can't live in this place with this guy, even with the $93 a month rent.

33:27 Drew No way. No way. Maybe I'm in a funky mood tonight, but funky that is. But I'm fascinated by these colors. Aren't they interesting tonight?

33:36 Adam Yeah.

33:37 Drew It's weird.

33:37 Adam No, no. I don't know. You could say that any night.

33:43 Drew Anchorage with eight people in a trailer, with the polar bear.

33:47 Adam Well, it's true. I did see a polar bear. By the way, Noah, I'm trying to think of something that sort of looks better and is more vicious than a polar bear, where there's that, you know, bigger chasm between sort of how it looks. Cougar, cougar. Yeah, but cougar looks like.

34:06 Drew But when it's like playing court, they look pretty unique.

34:08 Adam When they're napping, they're the majestic looking, but a bear, you want to run up and hug.

34:13 Drew Yeah.

34:14 Adam They got this huge cougar.

34:15 Drew Polar bears are pretty prickly.

34:17 Adam Yeah, but polar bears. Are probably, I don't know, probably more dangerous than Kodiak or grizzly bears. I mean, they're probably one of the most vicious bears out there. They're certainly the biggest and will take you down. And when you see those pictures of them, like, sleeping on the ice, you just you want to run up and just tackle them, especially, I mean, the cubs, anything cuter than the polar bear cub, by the way. And, you know, just sitting there, anything with big paws looks good. Like the smaller the paw, the worse look in the animal in relation to their size.

34:52 Drew Like the hoof heads towards the devil.

34:55 Adam Yeah, like coyotes, small paws. And so they're sort of mangy looking, you know, but we see that Labrador, you know, that puppy teenager lab with just a massive paws and cougars have that, too. They got the big, you know, cats have that, they got the big paws. They look good. It's nice until the claws come out.

35:14 Drew We haven't talked about that. In this part of the country, somebody was attacked and eaten by a cougar near Los Angeles.

35:20 Adam Yeah.

35:20 Drew And when the two other bikers went by, the same cat grabbed her on the face, started pulling her down the hill.

35:26 Adam Yeah. Like what they do, like jump on her face.

35:30 Drew Just, yeah, just, boom, just sprung at her.

35:33 Adam The thing, too, is like, you know, my grandma has a cat that's, you know, nine and a half pounds, could kick my ass.

35:41 Drew Yeah.

35:42 Adam You know, I mean, I was messing around with it because it was like I got to talk to my grandma, so I got to think of something to do. You know, I was like, get bored. And the cat was rubbing up against me and I was like, you know, fell down. I was like, you know, tickling its belly.

35:54 Drew Oh, no.

35:54 Adam It makes you know, claws come out, grab the hand and then the back, the back starts kicking. Grab with the front, start kicking with the back. The thing weighs, you know, ten pounds. Average size, average size domesticated cat. When you start thinking 110 pounds, you know, you picture that thing at 40 pounds, you go, oh, man, this would be good ass kicking. This thing jumped on your head. You'd never get it off. As, as is, could, could come, you know, pretty damn close to kicking your ass. And this thing, and this thing is, you know, one twentieth my size, it starts approaching half your size. Oh, look out. I think he jumps on you. Oh, those claws. Crazy, right?

36:33 Drew Yeah. And the jaw too.

36:34 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

36:36 Adam So anyway, killed.

36:36 Drew Bitter in the face.

36:37 Adam Killed somebody.

36:38 Drew Yep. Ate some biker guy who was fixing his bike. Just ate him.

36:42 Adam And was eating. It was eating him.

36:44 Drew It was eating him when they came upon him, the cat, and the cat supposedly was protecting its prey there.

36:49 Adam Right.

36:50 Drew And jumped at these people and grabbed one by the face, started dragging her down a hillside.

36:55 Adam Cats are kind of...

36:55 Drew And as her friend grabbed her by the leg and pulled her back up the hill with the cat attached to its face, her face.

37:01 Adam Yeah, that's bad times. I'd have mixed feelings about like grabbing my leg and dragging me the other way. But here's my... I just want to put this... I'm going to put this out there. If I'm ever attacked by a wild animal and anyone... Let it go.

37:14 Drew Let it go.

37:14 Adam No. Now, don't get into a tug-of-war while the animal has got my testicles in its mouth. Don't grab my hand and start dragging me toward the van.

37:25 Drew The other direction, yeah.

37:26 Adam Start beating the ass out of the animal.

37:28 Drew Yes.

37:29 Adam I don't want to turn into a rawhide bone. And by the way, there's nothing a cat or dog or an animal loves more than a little tug-of-war. Little tug-of-war. Yeah, it's like all of a sudden you got the rope toy with the pit bull. Your job is to head in toward the animal. That's what I would like. And here's the deal I'll make with you. If you start attacking the animal that's attacking me instead of dragging my mangled flesh toward the road, eventually when the animal turns on you, I will go for help.

37:58 Drew Good job.

37:59 Adam That's my commitment to you.

38:00 Drew It's quite a deal.

38:01 Adam Chris, go to garbage. Get the caramel nuts out of the garbage, all right? I'm going to stay here and make sure Drew is an attack by Cougar. You know, they always say, I know we got to go to break, but they always say this when someone gets attacked by the crocodile, the Cougar, the sharks, always. Two things they say. Two things they say. They go, well, what were you thinking? I was thinking, my God, I can't believe this is how I'm going to go. They always say that. And you go, all right, that's what everyone says. Kind of trite. But that would be my only thought. My God, I'm being killed by a cat. Yeah, I thought for sure I was going to be like jacked by gangbanger or, you know, the dirigible accident, you know, a boating accident, a heart attack, anything, anything. I can't believe I mean, that's the only that would be like there would be no life. No, nothing would be flashing in front of my eyes except for, holy Christ, believe I'm being attacked by I'm going to get eaten by a cougar. This is how I'm dying by a cougar.

39:03 Drew And the next explanation is, well, the animal was didn't really understand.

39:08 Adam I'm not mad at the animal. He didn't know. He thought I was trying to eat the guy. You know, he thought the hikers were trying to eat the guy was eating and he was just protecting his he thought I was attacking his cubs. He thought I was. Yeah, who cares? Listen, what? What? I think there's bad gators out there. Bad sharks. It's not a goddamn Disney film. No animals bad. None of them are good. It's all instinct, baby. I don't blame the cougar. I always like that. No, we don't blame it. I've got to put a bullet in its head, but no hard feeling.

39:48 Drew Don't judge him. Don't judge.

39:49 Adam Don't judge. Can't judge. Not mad at the shark.

39:52 Drew It's all good. It's all nature.

39:53 Adam And by the way, is there a big difference between a shark that goes after you with malice and one that's just protecting its air and thinks you're a seal? Know what I mean? Like big difference between that bite. By the way, just hungry. One of the one of the one of the scariest motivations for an attack as far as on me. I don't care if it's I don't care if it's a shark or a person. Hey, I'm hungry. I'm coming after you. That's scary. I'd rather have to get off my lawn mentality than I'm hungry. Yes.

40:23 Drew Yep.

40:23 Caller All right.

40:24 Adam Let's take a break. Drew, I'm hungry.

40:26 Drew Me too.

40:26 Adam We'll be back.

40:33 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

40:35 Caller Loveline will be right back.

40:50 Adam Hey everybody, it's Love Line-a, man. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-NLSA-199. All right, you ready to go to the phones here, Druski?

40:59 Ready.

41:00 Adam Let's talk to Robert, he's 24.

41:05 Adam, how you doing, bro?

41:06 Adam What's happening, Robert?

41:08 First things first is there's basically not a better form of entertainment in the media available. You guys are the best combination of personalities available. I hope you guys never stop the show. Thank you very much for what you guys have done.

41:19 Adam Wow, Robert, thank you, Robert.

41:22 Anderson.

41:23 Adam Yeah, Anderson's great.

41:26 Anyway, basically, my girlfriend left me about two months and a week ago and since then I've been drinking about two six packs of tall boys a day. I mean, I didn't know pain like this existed. I'm basically wondering what I'm doing to myself.

41:47 Drew How long were you with this girl?

41:49 It was four years.

41:52 Drew And do you have a history of abandonment, neglect or something when you're growing up?

41:59 Not really. I mean, I'm an old person. I mean, I graduated from high school and I'm 16. I already make a very good living right now. I mean, I'm pretty old. I basically was completely satisfied just spending my life with her.

42:13 Adam Okay, well, let me ask a couple of questions and tonight's as good a night as any to really hit this topic because we haven't talked about this. We used to talk about this a lot, sort of damage control when somebody dumps you in your 24-year-old male and vice, you know, females too, but somehow.

42:28 Drew Men, you take this one hard.

42:29 Adam Yeah. Particularly at this age, too.

42:32 This isn't my first one, but.

42:33 Drew But your first big one like this, right?

42:37 Adam Okay, so you have a life. Why did she dump you?

42:43 I mean, her excuse is basically that, you know, I worked a lot and I was busy and she needed someone there. And then, and she just needed to be alone, but yet she left my apartment and now she lives in another guy's apartment.

42:57 Adam Yeah.

42:59 I mean, I just, I don't know, that's just the heaviest.

43:02 Adam Yeah, that's the dagger part. That's the brutal part. Okay, listen, Robert, here's the thing. Every guy's been through this. I don't, I think you need to go through it in a way. Guys need a certain, I don't think women need to do this, but guys need it. Guys need certain things, otherwise they're not complete guys. Guys need maybe like one good ass kicking in their life. Guys need a good dumping. Guys need a PE coach that scares them or a football coach yelling at them.

43:33 Caller I've had that one, I've had that one.

43:35 Adam Okay, guys need all this. This is gonna complete your trilogy of ass kicking. All right, this is brutal. So here's the advice. There's nothing you can do to make the pain go away. It will be, it can be temporary. When I say temporary though, it could be six months every year.

43:54 Drew Yeah.

43:55 Adam Only thing you can do to sort of deal with the pain is sort of like a inmate who's in solitary, who you could feverishly masturbate until all of your bodily fluids are on the other side of your body and in the cell latrine.

44:12 Drew Standing up next to you.

44:13 Adam Or you could just start doing push-ups.

44:15 Drew Right, and marking time and breathing.

44:17 Adam And marking time and like doing chin-ups on the-

44:19 Drew Preparing.

44:21 Adam Doing chin-ups on the sprinkler bar that goes ahead. That's what you gotta do. It's not gonna be enjoyable. That's it. It's like do chin-ups by day and by night, read law books. This is solitude.

44:35 Drew Something like that, they're akin to that in your life. The alternative is you get depressed, start thinking about hurting yourself, or you do things that hurt yourself or other people in the meantime, because you're not handling this properly. Now it sounds like Robert's kinda gone down that path. It says he said he was drinking a 12-pack a day for the last four months. If that's true, that is alcoholism beginning to emerge here, and you may need to get that treated if it's really triggered now.

44:59 Adam The other thing is you will be out of this one day. You'll be in love with somebody else who will inevitably dump you as well.

45:07 Drew You'll feel like an ass for a feeling like this.

45:08 Adam You will have wasted a year.

45:11 Drew Or two of like Adam did.

45:12 Adam Or, yeah. Now, if you combine them, it's like 14 years. But here's the thing. At least if you're moving forward in those years, it's not, okay, yeah, true. I'm sure you're clinically depressed half the time you're in med school.

45:29 Drew No, college.

45:30 Adam College, okay. Yeah, because you're banging the bejesus out of the candy stripers once you got into med school. But in college, you're probably clinically depressed. So, okay, so what? Your life sucked for four years, but you walked away with a degree and you went into med school. Who cares? Now looking back on it, who cares what kind of mood you're in? The point is, is you move forward, you got your degree, you moved ahead with your life. Yes?

45:53 Drew Something to that.

45:54 Adam Okay, and that's what you have to do. That's what everyone has to do.

45:58 Drew Including us right now.

45:59 Adam Get up in the morning, go for a run.

46:01 Drew We're gonna move ahead.

46:02 Adam Trail of tears behind you as you run, but you run. Yes, my friend?

46:06 Drew Yes, my friend.

46:07 Adam We'll be back. Here it is, bottom line, it sucks being single today.

46:11 Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

46:14 Adam Call the Dateline.

46:15 Call the Dateline.

46:16 1-877-889-DATE. Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

46:38 Adam Hey, yo, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Oh, number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-Ski. Who's in here?

46:48 Drew Ron Jeremy next week, later this week.

46:52 Adam Tell you, I watched at Surreal Life. It's, it was on last year. It's got a new, actually, you know, Jimmy had this idea. We were starting to work on called Has-Been House.

47:10 Drew Right.

47:10 Adam We take a bunch of washed up celebrities and put them all under the same roof and have them go at it. And then Surreal Life came out and I love this show. It's Tracy Bingham from like Baywatch is on there and Ron Jeremy and Vanilla Ice and Eric Estrada. And I don't know, Tammy Fay Baker is on there and it's just a great combo and it's a funny show.

47:42 Drew Really? What are they, the little games or something? Or how do they mix it up?

47:47 Adam It's really not that involved. It's not like Survivor or anything. They just sort of follow them around the camera because they're washed up celebrities. They fight. And then like Tracy Bingham's a colossal coups, huge pain in the ass. And Vanilla Ice just a retard too. So he's a big pain in the ass and everyone hates him and Ron Jeremy. And this is scary. Ron Jeremy, the porn star, Ron Jeremy holds the record for most adult films made. By far the smartest guy in the house. Oh yeah. Like a thousand times smarter than Vanilla Ice and Tracy Bingham put together. It's crazy. And listen, when, believe me, none of us should ever get to the point where a porn star is telling us, hey man, hey, hey, listen to reason. Cool down. Now look, let me explain to you what's going on.

48:36 Drew Ron was doing it?

48:38 Adam He's just, he's clearly smarter.

48:42 Drew Ron is a smart guy, let's be fair. Ron is actually.

48:45 Adam Yeah, cause he's the only Jew porn star and they're just smarter than we are. Let's face it. Let's be honest. That wasn't porn star speaking. That was the Jew speaking when he did that. It's clearly smarter than everybody in the house, which is funny. And like I said, like I said, when the guy does, you know, anal movies is telling you, listen man, where's your dignity? Get hold of yourself. That's a bad day. That's when it's time to take a good look in the mirror. All right. It's really funny cause of, you know, vanilla ice is like, they have the old picture of vanilla ice up there. And he's, you know, he's got the weave and the hair, you know, and he's got the bling bling gold. And he's got, you know, there's a real that, whatever early nineties stuff.

49:31 Drew Didn't we meet him in New York to do our show one time? Was that him?

49:35 Adam Could have been.

49:35 Drew That sound familiar?

49:36 Adam Does sound familiar.

49:38 Drew Yeah, he had like an, he had like an ocelot or something. He was tall as best cat he had. Remember that?

49:42 Adam Yeah. Florida boy.

49:43 Drew Yeah.

49:44 Adam Okay. Here's, that's all I need to know. But here's the thing. He can't stand his picture from the early nineties or late eighties because that's not him, man. That's what the man created. That's not the real him. And, and, and again, he was totally 80-dow. He's wearing, you know, 90, early nineties, wearing a leather jacket, it's undone to here. There's no shirt on underneath. He has that thing where the buzz cut on the side with the pompadour on top and the cut the lines, the horizontal lines and the whole thing. Now, what do you think he's got? Well, he's sleeved with the tats. He's got the, he's got the piercing on the lip. He's got the pointy sideburns and the Van Dyke. See, this is the real me. Really? Or is it just 2004 and this is what everyone else is doing? See, he's angry at the past. Meanwhile, he just does whatever. Ten years from now, he's going to be angry at this one.

50:35 Drew Oh, you bet.

50:35 Adam Yeah, because he looks like Fred Durst. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, I like that part. That's the part, that's part of the show I like.

50:42 Drew That's the comedy.

50:43 Adam Yeah. So, Ron Jeremy in here on Thursday. Talk a little sense into us, perhaps. Here's a shocking headline, though. Turns out Ron Jeremy snores. No.

51:01 Drew Doesn't look like it.

51:03 Adam No, the big bushy mustache, the jowls, the big gut and the hair all over the back. Who would guess that he's a snorer, this man?

51:11 Drew It's the weight around the neck that really... Yeah, yeah. That's where the problem is.

51:15 Adam Get that jowly thing going.

51:16 Drew That's not on time.

51:17 Adam You get that goitre neck and the challey, but just a heavy set. Somehow having a little extra hair on you doesn't hurt either.

51:25 Drew Poor Nicole's sleeping. That will not be what Ron sounds like.

51:33 Adam Oh, no. No, no.

51:35 Drew This is a 95 pound 15 year old snorer. Yeah.

51:39 Adam This is as close to snoring as a female skit.

51:44 Drew It's just how unobstructed it sounds, like an angel's. This is how angels sleep.

51:49 Adam Ron Jeremy snores and it's like Peter Norse semen is in his lungs from 1975. You know, like just you can just hear the mileage on the man. I don't think we've ever had a chick fall asleep that we could hear.

52:10 Drew Not, no, because if she were four inches away from the phone, we wouldn't hear this. It's hard to get somebody to breathe right into the phone asleep.

52:18 Adam Right, all right. Let's put her on hold and get back to her.

52:25 Drew OK.

52:27 Adam It's no fun. Guys are better because of that novelty snore.

52:30 Caller Yeah.

52:31 Adam Maybe we can get Ron to fall asleep when he comes in on Thursday. You can hear a little of that signature snore. Nolan, yeah, you're 21.

52:40 Caller Yeah, I got a Germany or Florida for you guys.

52:43 Caller All right.

52:44 Caller A man filed sexual assault charges against his neighbor for sexually assaulting his dog. The man came home from work and his neighbor was in its backyard with a sheet over himself and the dog. The man was masturbating and was sodomizing the dog with a spoon.

53:03 Drew Oh, quite a large hole.

53:05 Adam Germany, yeah.

53:06 Drew Germany. Yeah, the spoon, yeah, somehow the spoon.

53:10 Adam It's about the sheet being over him, too, you know. And I think Germany's they're big with the animal husbandry over there.

53:18 All right.

53:19 Drew So yeah, there you go.

53:21 All right.

53:22 Adam Germany.

53:22 Caller West Palm Beach.

53:24 Adam West Palm Beach, Germany?

53:26 Caller No, right now. And fortunately for the guy, though, there's no bestiology laws in Florida.

53:34 Adam Oh, really?

53:34 Drew Interesting.

53:35 Adam Shocking. There's a shouldn't there be a sort of, by the way, you know, not everything's on the book. It's like it's like they do with the movies when, you know, Agnes DeMule comes in to kick field goals and the guys yelling at the opposing coach, Show Me, Show Me in the Rules book where it says a mule can't can't kick field goals. Well, obviously, they don't they don't cover ever eventuality. But here's the thing. There should be just a general sort of act against nature and God kind of thing. Right. We'll see if it falls under that. Yeah, you it may not specifically be legal to have sex with animals, but it is falling under the act against God.

54:20 Drew You wouldn't want to have any laws quite that vague, Adam, because that's a slippery slope.

54:25 Adam Very slippery slope. That's right. Because first, you know, they're locking up a guy for sodomizing a schnauzer with a spoon. And the next thing you know, they're coming after you for giving your eight-year-old daughter a kiss on the forehead before she goes to sleep.

54:40 Drew Or just brushing your own animal. Just grooming your animal.

54:43 Adam Touching an animal.

54:44 Drew That's right.

54:44 Adam Picking it up, seeing an eye dog, feeding a dog.

54:47 Drew Act against nature.

54:48 Adam That's right. Slippery slope. You're very, very right about that.

54:52 Drew Oh, you got to get in that courtroom tomorrow.

54:56 Adam I really do. I got to just go nuts. It's all right. I'll be a lunatic because I'll sleep for like four hours. Nicole?

55:05 Caller Yes.

55:06 Adam You're 25?

55:07 Caller Yes.

55:08 Adam What's up?

55:09 Caller Actually, I have probably like two or three questions. I was dating this guy for about a year. I have known him for about two. And for three months, he would ask me out, and I finally said yes. And about four months into the relationship, he brought up possibly getting married. Well, about a month ago, he came to me. Actually, he didn't even come to me. He did it over the phone. He's like, I'm not happy in this relationship. We're over. I don't want to be with you. I'm miserable. You make me unhappy, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And then five days later, he is dating some other girl. And about three weeks ago, he told me that he is in love with her. And he is going, he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

55:59 Caller Well, what's your question?

56:00 Adam And what's that mean?

56:01 Drew Yeah.

56:02 Adam I mean, that means as much as, you know, when a Drew's kid's saying, if we go to Disneyland this weekend, I'll do homework for the rest of my life. This is, this is, the man's an adolescent, immature guy. Why should he listen to anything he says?

56:17 Drew He can declare all kinds of things.

56:18 Adam Yeah.

56:18 Drew So what's the question?

56:19 Caller Well, my question would be, is like, I still care about him deeply. And I, you know, have a hard time, like, sleeping. You know, I go out with all my friends, you know, try to have a good time, get over it. Like, I don't understand how somebody that, you know, says they love you all of a sudden can turn their feelings and be so hateful and cruel to somebody.

56:47 Adam This is a good question. And we know we've had a male version of this and a female version of this. And it crosses all gender lines. The heartbreak. This is a very familiar refrain for people that have been jilted, which is, I don't understand. How could you tell, you looked me in the eye, you told me you wanted to be together forever, you looked me in the eye, you said you loved me. People fall short all the time.

57:10 Drew Listen, that is humans change, especially when they don't have a commitment, especially when they're trying to figure out who they are, especially when they're young.

57:18 Adam Right.

57:20 Drew You better learn to accept it because it is inhuman nature to be this way.

57:24 Adam And look, how...

57:25 Drew Nicole, you might have said some half-hearted, but very intense things to somebody somewhere along the way and then decided, eh, this isn't working, I'm out.

57:33 Caller Right. No, and I do agree with that. But is it like something that could... Because he says I'm a horrible person, that I'm miserable, and I need to seek help, and I have issues.

57:45 Adam Well, do you?

57:47 Caller I don't feel that I do. I mean, nothing...

57:50 Drew I'll tell you what, the fact that you can't accept somebody as an autonomous human choosing to leave you, that your brain can't get its head around that, can't get its mind around it.

58:02 Adam It's like your brain has its own head, Drew.

58:04 Drew Your head can't get the brain around it.

58:06 Adam Does it have an arm and a shoulder?

58:08 Drew That fact suggests... Listen, that fact suggests you have some real significant abandonment issues. And people with abandonment issues often are people with a lot of chaos in their past and have difficulty maintaining stable relationships in the present.

58:24 Adam Listen, I'm gonna...

58:25 Drew Is that her?

58:26 Yeah, I'll tell you.

58:27 Adam I'll tell you. Well, I'll figure it out. I'm gonna guess Nicole's sign. Don't say it. Don't say it because I know I'm speaking to a Pisces.

58:35 Drew Aries. No.

58:36 Adam Shush.

58:36 Drew Sagittarius.

58:37 Adam Shush, Drew, I'm guessing. Sagittarius. Sagittarius. Shush, Drew, I'm guessing. I have a flair for this.

58:46 Drew Guessing? You know.

58:47 Adam I mean, I'm speaking. Yeah, I'm not guessing. I'm announcing. I'm announcing that you're a Gemini.

58:54 Caller No.

58:57 Adam That you're Taurus.

58:58 Caller No.

58:59 Adam No, no, Drew. Now, stay away because I have a gift. No, Sagittarius.

59:07 Drew You said that one already.

59:08 Adam Oh, I did. I know. I know what I said, Drew. You don't have to. You're not my mommy, OK? That you're Libra. No. Capricorn. Don't help us.

59:23 Drew OK. Capricorn, Leo, Leo, no, Aries, Aries, hold on, Aries, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I was with it. I knew it.

59:31 Adam I knew it. I knew it. Let me tell you something. Hold on a second, Nicole. I'll tell you the gift I have. I have the gift. I've done this many a time with The Man Show and Crank Anchors and on this show and just talking to people. I have a gift for venturing 11 to 14 guesses on someone's sign and not getting it.

59:52 Drew Right. An abnormal. Just statistics alone, just based on probabilities, you should get it sooner.

59:58 Adam Yes.

59:59 Drew Then you do.

59:59 Adam If you essentially say, guess what month I was born in and my average is 11.2 before I get to the right month, that's as incredible as getting it on the first one. True. Is it not?

1:00:16 Drew It's a gift.

1:00:18 Adam Thank you. I've been touched by the hand of God.

1:00:21 Drew But Nicole?

1:00:22 Adam Yeah.

1:00:23 Drew What about these abandonment issues?

1:00:26 Caller I've never been abandoned before by significant people in my life such as family or friends or anything like that. Relationship-wise, yeah, guys have broken up with me. I've broken up with guys.

1:00:41 Drew No, but I mean, why is abandonment so difficult for you? Did your emotional needs matter or something? Were you abandoned in some other way growing up?

1:00:51 Caller I don't think so. A lot of people say that it stems that my parents never told me that they loved me.

1:00:58 Drew So you were emotionally abandoned most of your life. Perhaps.

1:01:03 Caller Perhaps, yeah.

1:01:04 Drew All right.

1:01:06 Adam Here's the thing. The question shouldn't be how can somebody do this? How can someone say I love you and then say I'm not in love with you? The question should be is how could you fall in love with an idiot like this?

1:01:25 Caller That is, you know, I have questioned myself on that.

1:01:27 Adam Don't beat yourself up. But if you're going to ask a question, do that. It's more helpful for the next relationship. He's an idiot. Like, he's going to break up with this next chick the same way. He'll do the same. He's a pattern. All idiots repeat themselves. I mean, the cornerstone of being an idiot is a repetitive pattern. I mean, really, that's how you sort of separate the losers from me, for instance. It's just repetitive mistakes. Same F-ups. Whether it's, you know, you're on your eighth DUI or your eighth divorce. Whatever it is, getting fired, dropping out, whatever it is, it's a pattern. And this is what unevolved people do. And good, fine, he's gone. He did you a favor. I know it sounds trite, but he moved on. What are you going to do? You want to marry the guy? And then eight months into it, he's banging your best friend and divorcing you and then saying it's your fault. And by the way, that's a horrible thing to do. Like just if you're going to dump somebody, say, listen, I'm a problem person. I'm sorry. I brought you down with me. Don't start pointing the finger. Nicole, you're fine. Start doing pushups.

1:02:35 Drew Let's hear Nicole's song.

1:02:37 Adam Oh, oh, yeah. That was the other Nicole. Oh, sleeping beauty is awoken. What's happening, baby doll, you're 15. We were listening to you snore a little bit earlier. Yeah. I like this, Nicole. What's up?

1:02:57 Caller Well, I got raped by my cousin and I don't know if I should tell anybody about it because yes.

1:03:04 Drew Tell your tell your parents.

1:03:06 Caller Well, it's like really, because I don't want to.

1:03:10 Drew Nicole, you were a victim of a crime. This person is going to do it. You were a victim of a crime. This person is going to do it to other people.

1:03:16 Caller I don't know.

1:03:27 Adam Let's find out what Drew thinks. Drew, what do you think?

1:03:29 Drew Nicole, tell your parents. Can you not hear me when I'm saying that? You must tell your parents. It's a big deal, I know, but you're the victim of a crime. He will do this to other people. You must tell your parents.

1:03:41 Adam Well, let me talk to Nicole. Nicole.

1:03:43 Drew Yeah?

1:03:44 Adam This is the one they call Ace. Now, how long ago did this happen? And how old is your cousin? Twenty. And this sort of thing ever happened before to you?

1:04:02 Caller Mm-mm.

1:04:04 Drew Never been abused in any way, physically or sexually?

1:04:06 Caller No, not really.

1:04:07 Drew Not really? What does that mean, not really?

1:04:10 Caller Well, no. I haven't been abused.

1:04:14 Adam And what went on with your cousin that he was able to rape you this way?

1:04:18 Caller Well, do you want to hear the whole story?

1:04:20 Drew No. I want to hear it. Just the cliff notes.

1:04:24 Adam Give us a Reader's Digest version of it, although they rarely write about rape.

1:04:30 Drew Because that's a violent crime, Adam. No, no.

1:04:32 Adam Well, hold on a second. It's not a sexual crime.

1:04:37 Drew No.

1:04:38 Adam It's violent crime. A lot of people think rape is a sexual act, a sexual crime.

1:04:46 Drew What does it?

1:04:46 Adam What in the world? It is an act of violence.

1:04:50 Drew What does that do with sex? What in the world?

1:04:52 Adam It is, it is, Drew, it is no different than, than, than if a thug walked into a convenience store, asked for the money from the old woman behind the counter and then pissed the wimp there. But it, you know, and then came no different, no, no, no different than Jack off or anything. We just, he's just, he's got to come. He's got to come. It's, it's no, it's, it's no different.

1:05:19 Drew That happens all the time.

1:05:20 Adam It's no different a crime than if two people got into a fender bender, words were exchanged. Somebody came out of the car with a pool cue or baseball bat and proceeded to attack the other. And then, and then came. Got to come. But no different. Zero. It's, it's, you understand, Drew, you understand, there's no difference than if, if, if we got into a bar fight and I was, I was mashing your head against the side of the pool table and coming. No difference. There's a, that is a crime of violence is non-sexual, except for you come, you understand?

1:05:58 Drew Except for that. Yeah.

1:06:03 Adam Sorry, Nicole. Straighten, drew out on rape. He thinks it's a sexual crime. I say. I say it's a crime of fines, but you come. Now, this guy did this to you where? Were you at home? His house. And did you, uh, have he ever done any, do you know him well? I mean, some people have cousins they've seen twice and some have cousins they grew up with.

1:06:29 Caller Well, he lives by me, but I see him, I don't see him that often. Like maybe once or twice a month.

1:06:37 Drew That's pretty frequent.

1:06:38 Adam Once or twice a month since you've been born kind of thing?

1:06:42 Caller Yeah, pretty much.

1:06:44 Drew That's weird.

1:06:45 Adam That's a weird one because that's a family member. Yeah, if a guy lives in Philly and you've seen it, you saw him at your aunt Marie's wedding or something.

1:06:52 Drew 2015 also, don't forget. We're getting jaded in this show.

1:06:55 Adam I know. And did you yell for help or try to stop him?

1:07:05 Drew That's one of our things we're concerned about here. Yeah, that you've had such a horrible freeze reaction and you felt sort of responsible for this. And you haven't told anybody to suggest that you've been victimized in the past, that somehow you've been traumatized and sort of that freeze reaction was something you're sort of prone to.

1:07:22 Adam Do you think he thinks he raped you? Do you think he thinks he raped you?

1:07:32 Drew Does he believe? Do you think he would say in his heart of hearts that that was a rape?

1:07:37 Adam Yeah, I think I had it by saying, asking you, do you think?

1:07:40 Caller I don't think he would admit it, but...

1:07:42 Drew He wouldn't admit it, but he knows he raped you. It wasn't like he would say, hey, we were dating and things got carried away.

1:07:49 Adam He feels like he raped you. All right. You need to tell your parents. Why can't you tell your parents?

1:07:57 Caller Because they're really close with my cousin and I don't want... I don't know.

1:08:03 Adam What's your guys... Do you have one of those nationalities where families are tight and don't talk?

1:08:08 Caller No. I don't know.

1:08:14 Drew Well, here's the deal. You have two choices. You can tell the police, go to the emergency room and make a police report or you can tell your parents. Those are your choices.

1:08:22 Caller Those are my only choices.

1:08:23 Drew Those are your only choices.

1:08:25 Adam Well, I don't know what else you can do. What do you want to do? I mean, you should get some counseling.

1:08:29 Drew You want to do nothing? Then you'll carry this around. You'll sort of be a victim.

1:08:34 Adam You're going to have to go see the guy and stuff because you're going to go over there for Thanksgiving and all that stuff, right?

1:08:41 Drew That's no good. That's bad for you.

1:08:43 Adam Plus, this guy's a bad guy.

1:08:45 Drew Plus, magically, unless you deal with this in a sort of proactive way, you're going to start acting out. Sometimes people act out there very sexually after this. They have lots of partners and this and that. It's sort of almost reenacting the whole thing over and over again. You get stuck in a cycle of trauma. Right.

1:09:00 Adam Right. And again, this guy, I mean, like I said, one thing if this is some cousin who lives on the East Coast who you only saw once when there were three and you guys were partying one night and ended up in the hot tub. It's another thing where he's 20 or 15 and he rapes you.

1:09:25 Drew You have a freeze reaction.

1:09:26 Adam Yeah. You're fearful. But look, let me just before we got to go to breakthrough, but let me say that I just want to make sure people are on the same page with rape, not being a sexual act, but an act of violence where you come.

1:09:43 OK, got it.

1:09:44 Adam You understand?

1:09:46 Drew You're a jackal.

1:09:47 Adam If I if I took if I took a kitchen knife right now, jumped on you and plunged it through your sternum in into your chest repeatedly and and it's it's it's no different than that act provided I can't you understand rape rape is that act with ejaculation exactly the same with semen mixing with the blood.

1:10:09 Drew So that's it. Does everyone ejaculate when they engage in violent acts or they might do because they have to.

1:10:14 Adam Otherwise, it would be something different otherwise it's the same right and and and you're you're not a rape victim you're rape survivor just like you're tacked by a mountain line you're a survivor. If you survive. All right. There's a lot of rules around rape discussions and I know people think we're we're not making fun of rape but just making fun of this sort of weird societal rules. I got in a long argument with someone once about really on the show where they're yelling me about being a rape some a-hole left-wing fairy guy was on here complaining that I said rape victim and he said oh he had to correct me rape survivor and I told him to shut up because I hate getting caught up in that kind of crappy minutiae.

1:10:57 Drew Here's the deal it's rape is a very serious crime it is it is an awful thing and but the shrouded in a bunch of nomenclature is this this just this just be honest and straight about what this thing is it's awful whatever it is it doesn't need any sort of special categorization by the way if it's an act of violence you're a victim of violent crime yes if you're if it's an act of violence and you survive then you can be a you can be a victim violence right just like an old woman who gets who gets mugged and wait it's a unique it's it's on its own unique category in a way yes no recording but violence not sexual with semen coming from him.

1:11:42 Adam That's a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:11:44 Drew Hello, this is your radio.

1:12:07 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Holy Christ, getting up at seven hours.

1:12:15 Drew To go and sit in a room with a bunch of your friends. Oh, it is good times.

1:12:21 Adam Look, I don't want to come off as a snob, but so be it, I'm better than all of you. You know what I mean? What am I supposed to do, pretend like I'm not? I got to go to downtown and go do my jury duty tomorrow. And by the way, here's the whole thing about that. I've engaged myself in these situations before where I've had to go to court, some guy destroyed my car. By the way, the good folks over at the Van Nuys court department, I'm still working hard to get my effing money back, I'm sure, yeah, cause they're... Just let me say this, Drew, and this lesson, I truly wish that the good people in the court system here in Southern California could put the same effort forward toward the people that owe them money, toward getting the people that owe the victims money. Cause it is just one big effing March of Dimes fundraising tell a god damn thon, where all they do is raise money for themselves in the second somebody owes you money. Now, I said, look, this guy owes me like four grand. He's not paying. Hey, there's nothing we can do. There's nothing we can do. Really? I tell that to my buddy Ray. He went over to his mom's apartment and got him out of there in his underpants cause he owed a bunch of parking tickets. There's nothing you can do. Oh God, do I hate this system. And by the way, everyone in there is, you're all criminals. But you know why? Because you're all pain in the ass. You're all the reason they're there and not at the beach. I'm gonna bring a cyanide tablet to bite into. Oh, I mean like when I had to go into court to get this a-hole to give me five bucks for my stupid car he ruined. It's like, I have to stand up like, sir, sit down. Yeah, I just want to know cause I got to go to work. The system's so effed up. You fight a ticket and you win and then what do you get? You don't have to pay? It's great. It's like you make a bet and you win. So what, you don't lose? You don't get anything back? You fight a ticket and you win, you should get paid. The amount, what is it? How much is the ticket for? Prick in Burbank gives me jaywalking ticket. It's 48 bucks, all right. I'm gonna fight it now. Oh, I won, all right. Where's my 48? Isn't that what we're talking about? That's the stakes, right? No, I'm thinking about fighting the parking ticket I got in front of my house, just to be a maniac. Think I should do it?

1:14:59 Drew Why not?

1:15:00 Adam Yeah, why not? I have to quit my job in order to do it. By the way, that's what they do. You have to come down at noon, four days in a row, and kiss somebody's ass. Well, I'm gonna figure it out. You know what? I got an assistant, I'm gonna put her on it. I'm gonna win this thing from front of my house. You watch me. All right, Drew? Follow up with me now, buddy. I'm gonna beat the system. I'm gonna beat the system. All right, so anyway, tomorrow I got jury duty. So I'm gonna go down and sit between a bunch of yahoos and figure out somebody's fate. All right, where are we going?

1:15:30 Drew Wait till you see this.

1:15:32 Adam I got you. Let me tell you the thing. I'll tell you the thing that Los Angeles has over other cities or most other cities is we got a crazy international house of pancakes of nationalities going around that adds to the confusion, which is if this is going on somewhere in the Midwest, you just have white trash to your right and to your left. This will be a hodgepodge of crazy nationalities with crazy languages and crazy smells going back and forth. This is gonna be death. This could be horrible, Drew. It'll be great. And if I pinch myself and woke up and looked around, you wouldn't know what country you were in or where you were in time.

1:16:22 Drew Absolutely true.

1:16:22 Adam Would you?

1:16:23 Drew No.

1:16:23 Adam Drew, if you took yourself almost any place in Los Angeles, spun yourself around, just sort of woke up in the middle of downtown and looked around, would you know where you were?

1:16:31 Drew No.

1:16:31 Adam You have no idea, would you? I mean, if you couldn't find any markers, no cop cars, no nothing.

1:16:35 Drew You knew you were in the city, but you have no way to know what hemisphere you're in.

1:16:38 Adam What hemisphere? You have no idea what side of the equator you're on. You have no idea, would you?

1:16:42 Uh-uh. Mm-mm.

1:16:44 Adam But, you know, it's a melting pot. Milos?

1:16:50 Caller Hey, guys. Hey, what's going on?

1:16:53 Adam 18 years age, what's up?

1:16:56 Caller Well, I'm just wondering if having different sized testicles is a big deal. Like I've had, my sex drive has dropped quite a bit over the last two years, and I'm just wondering, like, one of my testicles is just like normal size, but the other one is like the size of a large marble.

1:17:22 Drew Well, you should have that checked out, because-

1:17:24 Adam Isn't a large marble the size of a testicle?

1:17:27 Drew He means not the big marbles, he means a large, regular marble.

1:17:31 Caller Yeah, like-

1:17:32 Drew Like a generous marble, not a big one.

1:17:36 Caller All right, well, yeah.

1:17:38 Adam Maybe the sex drive part is the depression, or the pot addiction.

1:17:41 Drew Yeah, the marijuana.

1:17:43 Caller No, actually, I've tried to get in, and Anderson wouldn't believe me. Can you guys tell that I have an accent, like, at all?

1:17:52 Drew No.

1:17:54 Adam Well, you speak the language of the stoner.

1:17:58 Caller Well, I'm kind of sleepy right now. You guys know who that is?

1:18:07 That's Max.

1:18:09 Adam Oh, is that Max?

1:18:10 Yeah, he runs the affiliate stations for Max.

1:18:12 Adam That's a retard because, and Drew, this way she'd never defend anyone who calls a show, which has got one normal size and one the size of a large marble, which is normal size. That's the only reason I'm saying it.

1:18:24 Drew Yeah, I hear you. I mean, this is not a bogus call. I think the um is Max. That's Max.

1:18:33 Adam Wait a minute. Hold on a second. Who are you talking about?

1:18:36 Drew Anderson.

1:18:37 Caller Yeah, that drop is Max.

1:18:40 Drew That's Max.

1:18:42 Adam Why is Max's um a drop?

1:18:44 Caller Because I got it from like years ago on Pharrell.

1:18:47 Adam But didn't this guy just do an um, or did you just stuff the um, you stuffed the first um in?

1:18:51 Caller I did the um and then he started following suit. He's a pigeon.

1:18:56 Adam OK, so let's get back to wherever we're getting to here. Is this guy this guy?

1:19:03 Drew Yes, Milos.

1:19:04 Adam Oh, well, who brought up Max then?

1:19:06 Caller That was me. I'm sorry. I was using that drop. You guys know Max? We all know Max.

1:19:11 Adam Milos?

1:19:12 Drew OK, stop, Anderson. You need to have it checked out for a couple of reasons. It's unlikely to have anything to do with your sex drive. Because all you need is one test. It will compensate. That's all you need. But the other side, the one with the small, supposedly small testicle, maybe there's not a testicle in that scrotum. And that is a serious issue. That needs to be checked out.

1:19:37 Adam But do you smoke pot and are you depressed?

1:19:39 Caller No, but I've been through a war. I actually come from Bosnia. And I've been through the war there from 1992 to 1995. Well, I was six when it started. And I think I have some post-traumatic stress going on.

1:19:58 Drew Sure. And that may be what's going on more than anything. Because you sound depressed.

1:20:03 Adam What went on over there? Well, Drew's punched a mic for the second time in about 11 minutes. No, he hit him earlier. I was just mad enough not to say anything. Ethnic cleansing, was that going on over there?

1:20:17 Caller Yeah, my parents are actually different nationalities. And my dad was on the wrong side of the issue. So he would just basically have to volunteer to save his life. He had to volunteer into the Army. And the whole street where we lived on was cleaned off. People were Serbs and he was a Serb. And it was a big mess. Yeah.

1:20:41 Adam I wonder how we caused that somehow.

1:20:45 Caller Yeah.

1:20:46 Adam Thanks. So what should he do?

1:20:50 Drew See, Rolla, just make sure there's not a non-descended test down that other side. Don't worry about the sex drive thing. That's not the issue at all.

1:20:56 Adam Yeah. And let me explain to all you left-wing liberal tards out there who think basically if there is evil around the world, it's only because we fund it or cause it or provoke it somehow. We didn't invent racism over here. It's far more prevalent in many other parts of the world. And secondly, left alone, there will be ethnic cleansing going on. And, oh, we're not the world's police. Yeah, well, we leave Hitler alone. He's doing whatever. Whatever he's doing with the Jews, he does with the Jews. That's not our job. We're not the police force. Let him do his thing over there. Let's do a little ethnic cleansing, little genocide. We can't judge. We can't judge.

1:21:41 Drew The culture, cultural thing.

1:21:42 Adam Yeah, you want to put dissidents in a sack and throw them off a five-story building on a concrete slab. I can't judge.

1:21:49 Drew How dare you?

1:21:49 Adam They must have their reasons. Of course. Yeah.

1:21:51 Drew We just can't understand it because we don't have the sensitivity to be able to appreciate it from their point of view.

1:21:56 Adam Well, yeah, we're not sensitive to their culture. We don't know.

1:21:59 Drew It's all the same.

1:22:01 Adam I want to put a burning tie around a guy, I want to kill him because he's a different religion. Can't judge. Cannot judge. Cannot judge, Drew.

1:22:12 Drew Maybe our mistake is not judging enough. You know? Maybe that's really where we fall short. We should become super judgmental of heinous, over-the-top, amoral behavior. Yeah.

1:22:27 Adam No problem with it. No, no problem. Not judging fast enough. That's our problem. Yep. Would have been nice to get to Hit Learn 39. The Mussolini Two in the list is as long as my arm. If people, we should have put a bullet in just a year or so before they got ahead of steam. World would be a much better place.

1:22:48 Drew And by the way, we straightened out one country and Libya came around. Imagine that. How did that happen?

1:22:54 Adam Zero problem with any of it. All right. Let's take a quick break, Drew. We got to eat more nuts. Hide those nuts.

1:22:59 Drew No, bring them over here.

1:22:59 Adam Chris, throw the nuts away.

1:23:00 Drew Over here.

1:23:01 Adam Throw them away. Get them out of the garbage. Bring them back. We'll be right back. Loveline.

1:23:07 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:23:35 Adam I, uh, junior producer Lauren was saying that she got out of jury duty because her doctor wrote her a note saying that she had ADD. ADD. And, uh, and by the way, I'd rather, I'd go with, I'd rather go with metal plate in my head than ADD. That's, uh, you know, the guy's rolling his eyes. Drew, any judge who sees a doctor's note with ADD, they, they know he basically just basically got a coward or a communist.

1:24:06 Drew I think he just, he admired the boldness, just said, move along, move along.

1:24:10 Adam Yeah. And, uh, Drew, you could perhaps write me a note to get me out of jury duty.

1:24:16 Drew Could not.

1:24:17 Adam Could not. How about a little something? No, I don't know. What if I turn an ankle on the way down the stairs, tomorrow at 6 45 in the morning?

1:24:25 Drew Then you sit down and go back up. Just sit down and listen.

1:24:31 Adam I mean, turn it, you know, leaving the house. It's icy. It's icy.

1:24:35 Drew I don't know. Then you, you call and reschedule.

1:24:37 Adam Call and reschedule?

1:24:38 Drew Yeah.

1:24:40 Adam Yeah. Here's my whole thing, Drew. Drew has been telling me how miserable this jury duty is for the last five commercial breaks. And it's, I got to be downtown at 745. I'm at the point where I practically have a warrant out for me because I've been goosing this along for five years. And then it's like, well, if I don't go, there's a possible, like, I don't know, $750 fine or something like that. Drew says it's worth it at five times that price.

1:25:07 Drew Yes. All right.

1:25:08 Adam Just made my decision. That's it. Sleep well.

1:25:12 Drew That's truly all it is. Just a fine. Take the fine.

1:25:14 Adam What are they going to do? Send me to jail?

1:25:16 Drew Yeah.

1:25:17 Adam Oh, really?

1:25:17 Drew As contempt.

1:25:19 Adam Still be, still be good radio. If I went to the joint, put an ISDN line in the joint.

1:25:24 Drew Be fine.

1:25:24 Adam Do from the joint.

1:25:25 Drew Let me get.

1:25:26 Adam All right. Junior, junior, junior, junior, junior.

1:25:28 Drew Should do a little jumping jack.

1:25:29 Adam Yeah. She said, yeah, go in the joint.

1:25:31 Drew Adam and Jill, yeah.

1:25:33 Adam See, see how your acerbic weight goes over in the joint. Guess it's me being locked into the joint.

1:25:41 Drew Levy or Levi?

1:25:43 Adam Levi? You're 19?

1:25:47 Caller Yeah.

1:25:47 Adam What's up?

1:25:49 Caller About six months ago, I met this really nice girl on the internet and she's 32. And she's married and she's got two kids, one's 10, one's 11. And her and her husband are getting a divorce and we just started talking and we really, I guess you could say we hit it off.

1:26:10 Adam Sure. Where does she live?

1:26:12 Caller Ponca City. She lives about three hours from me.

1:26:14 Adam She's out in Ponca?

1:26:16 Caller Yeah.

1:26:17 Adam What do they got? They got of a Indian casino out there?

1:26:21 Caller Yeah, I think like Cherk Creek or something like that. Ponning, Ponning Cherk.

1:26:26 Adam Right, right. It's good gambling if you like the Texas Hold'em and the pie gal. Of course, it'd be morally wrong if they let them just play blackjack. 21. Well, clearly wrong. Yeah, Keno and pie gal. You understand morally where that's okay. Yeah, that's good. It's totally different. Okay, so. You can't judge. I can't judge. Levi.

1:26:48 Caller Yeah.

1:26:49 Adam Yeah, so this is that, this is that, you know, was her ex-husband bad guy?

1:26:56 Drew According to her.

1:26:58 Caller According to her, and I know him.

1:27:03 Adam You do?

1:27:03 Caller He's, yeah, he's an okay guy, but I mean.

1:27:09 Drew How is he, you know this guy?

1:27:10 Caller He's 34.

1:27:11 Drew How do you know him?

1:27:12 Adam She said she's 34. He's 34.

1:27:14 Drew Oh, that's how you know.

1:27:15 Caller I met her through, I met him through her. And.

1:27:22 Adam Because he has to deal with the kids?

1:27:24 Caller Yeah, that's the only reason they're together is because of the kids. They got married because of the kids.

1:27:31 Drew Are you her girlfriend, his boyfriend?

1:27:33 Adam Hold on, when they started dating, someone just dropped off a couple of kids?

1:27:37 Caller No.

1:27:37 Adam They got married? Yeah.

1:27:39 Caller They got married because she got pregnant.

1:27:41 Adam Yeah, okay. We asked a question about an hour ago, which is what does she say about him? Does she say he's a bad guy?

1:27:50 Caller No, she doesn't really say he's a bad guy. She just, she doesn't really love him anymore. I mean, she does because she spent the last 16 years with him.

1:27:59 Adam Right, okay. But I got married when they were young. Yeah. And now they're still together because of the kids, yet you met the guy. How does this work?

1:28:10 Caller He really doesn't know that I'm interested in her or anything like that. I mean, we've only, I've only met him like four or five different times and I've been over to the house and I've seen the way he treats her and I-

1:28:20 Drew How does she introduce you? Here's my 19 year old ward.

1:28:24 Caller No, I used to work, she says that I used to work with her and I lost my job and lost my house because I didn't have a job and that, I'm staying with a couple of friends and I just come over and visit her because I'm friends with her from work.

1:28:38 Drew I see.

1:28:39 Adam And are you guys having a sexual relationship?

1:28:43 Caller We have.

1:28:44 Adam We have.

1:28:45 Caller Last weekend, we can just pass.

1:28:48 Adam Where, in her house?

1:28:50 Caller My house.

1:28:52 Drew They think a little bit of an age difference there with her 32 years. Is that a little bit too much?

1:28:57 Adam Well, but you got to look at it this way. I think Levi's thinking, you know, eight years to be able to nail the 10 year old. No. I mean, your man's got a plan for his future.

1:29:08 Caller She's got two boys.

1:29:09 Drew Well, that's what he's talking about.

1:29:12 Caller That's... I don't swing that way, man.

1:29:15 Adam Give it a few years and like a, okay. Look, let's not judge. We can't judge. Here's the point, Levi. This, okay, let me explain something. This is what we call a white trash move here. There's trouble. You know, when you watch those late night TV and they do this like those true detective stories and it turns out somebody got shot, you're the guy who got shot.

1:29:38 Drew Right. The husband. The guy that got shot. Yeah, the husband will shoot you. She's just looking for a little distraction. She's had a long marriage with a guy her age.

1:29:46 Adam Right.

1:29:47 Drew And she's gonna go for a young guy just to sort of get some distraction, not because she wants a relationship.

1:29:52 Adam It's very difficult. Okay, here's what I'm gonna say. You called the show because you want our collective wisdom, our advice, where we've been around the block a few times. We've talked to many people. There's a lot of education, a lot of street smarts between us and a lot of failed relationships. We are telling you, without any hesitation, this is a dangerous situation. It's dangerous, literally dangerous. And this is exactly how most 19-year-olds who get shot get shot. If it's not a drug deal, it's this. There's kids involved. There's a screwed up chick who's looking for a life preserver involved. There's all the makings of a disaster here. You're 19. Find a nice 18-year-old who doesn't have any baggage and wants to go out and have some kicks for a few years before she gets married and start dating her. Take her down to the lake and do a little skinny dipping. Know what I'm saying?

1:30:51 Drew Yeah, this is gonna be a bad situation. 19 years old.

1:30:55 Adam All right, who's been on hold for the longest, Drew?

1:30:57 Drew We gotta go to break.

1:30:57 Adam Who? Who, I ask you.

1:30:59 Drew There you go.

1:30:59 Adam 98 minutes. Talk about it, a disaster. Carrie. You're 21. You just got an abusive relationship. Hey, baby doll. And now Drew abused you more by putting you on hold for 98 minutes. Yeah, you're going to trial?

1:31:20 Caller Yes, I am going. Well, it's actually pending right now. I just got out of an abusive relationship. What happened was I ended up meeting some guy, really was interested in him, and he was...

1:31:37 Adam Now we're out of time. Well, now hold on a second, honey child. Hold on. Hold on, baby, hold on. We're going to work it out so that we speak to you first tomorrow night. Oh, you are? And for a long time. Like maybe the first hour and a half. All right, now hold on. And don't hang up on her, Brian. Get her phone number. We'll do something.

1:31:59 Caller We've just been on hold for an hour and a half.

1:32:01 Adam Over an hour and a half. We'll get her on. Now! She was a beauty, so I can hear in her voice that weird seduction thing. Okay, we'll be right back.

1:32:10 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me.

1:32:12 Caller So what's up?

1:32:13 Caller So I was like you and I used to think that these datelines were totally cheesy.

1:32:17 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:32:23 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:32:52 Adam Give it an eight, Drew. Well, you've helped me make my mind up.

1:32:56 Drew About the courtroom, huh? I wish, I just want to unleash you on that room, and I would love your thoughts about it.

1:33:01 Adam I do, too, and I realize it would be grist for my mill, but the real deal breaker is the downtown, the parking, and the 745 call time, because there's one kind of misery that I just have not been able to get past, and that's the 2 a.m. go-to-bed and the 650 alarm going off, it just kills me. All right, not doing it. You're right, Drew, take your advice. And it's worth whatever it is. I'm literally a millionaire. Literally. I'm by my way out of trouble. So until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Yes, I have performed fellatio on Said Boyfriend.

1:33:46 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, January 13, 2004