Episode 1000587648357

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Adam Loveline, I'm Adam.

1:04 Adam That's Dr. Drew.

1:06 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, Ken Jordan, Scott Kirkland here tonight. The Crystal Method. God bless you, fellas. I love you guys. There's this great, well, see, here's the thing. Crystal Method, The Crystal Method. I don't know if you guys still live out in the La Cagnata, La Crescenta area. Our studio's over there. Was in the bomb shelter in the front lawn?

1:36 Adam Yes.

1:37 Adam I lived out there for a number of years, just squatting a house with some other losers.

1:42 Drew Fill up the story about the bomb shelter. I'd forgotten this.

1:45 Adam In the front yard, there's a-

1:47 Drew Of this house?

1:47 Adam Yeah, there's an actual bomb shelter front that was put in during the 61 Cuban Missile Crisis.

1:52 Drew Some private citizen did that?

1:54 The Crystal Method Our current landlord.

1:55 Adam Our current landlord.

1:55 The Crystal Method Put that in. And when we first moved in, we saw it and we were like, wow, what a great, we could put it, maybe we could put the studio down there, do something. And she brought over the, she was really almost happy to talk about it, but she brought over this thing, actually from the LA Times, the bomb shelter in the day, the sphere that they dropped in the front yard for like, I think it was like five grand or something. It had to be like, what is that, $25,000 now?

2:19 Adam At least, I'm away in the 60s.

2:21 The Crystal Method The 60s, yeah.

2:22 Adam Well, if you figure, if you look at it this way, that house was probably 35, 40 grand, maybe 45.

2:29 Drew Are you kidding?

2:30 Adam The most. It's probably, you know, 650, 750 now. So if you just go that way, you're probably talking about more like 50, 60 grand, which really makes it even better.

2:40 The Crystal Method It's crazy, it's like two bunk, two single bunk beds, this chicken wire filtration system that's supposed to protect you from the elements.

2:50 Adam Well, here's, if anyone's seen a nuclear molecules, there's biggest frizz bits.

2:55 Drew Of course.

2:56 Adam Yeah. You just put a nice cheesecloth over that opening and it'll keep everything protected.

3:02 Drew Especially if it's bio matter, bio waste.

3:04 Adam The bomb goes up, pull the shirt up, over the face.

3:07 Drew Bioterrorism, same thing, same thing. Put your hand over it, put your hand over it.

3:10 Adam If you do that, if you have a handkerchief, that helps. Yeah, I was thinking, speaking of all this, I was saying this to Jimmy last week, which was, you know, it's like, well, now we've gone from orange down to yellow alert. We went from guarded, or went from high alert to guarded to whatever. And we may move down to this color. We may go over to that color. And you know when you see those films from the 50s and 60s, those school films, in black and white, Mr. Turtle ducks in covers, you know? Yeah. Don't you think they're gonna be laughing their asses off at us 20 years from now with this stupid color chart?

3:45 Drew Could be.

3:46 Adam Could be.

3:47 Adam I'm pretty sure they're gonna be.

3:49 Drew If nothing happens, they're gonna be laughing.

3:51 Adam Like, what retard figured out the orange versus yellow versus blue versus pink and green and keep yo-yoing back and forth between yellow and guarded. And by the way, I don't know how many more yo-yos you guys got in me. I got about one more. I'm going up and down one more time before there's just zero attention.

4:10 Drew Or something better happened.

4:12 Adam Yeah.

4:13 Adam I'm going to do something myself.

4:16 Drew How big is the space? Is the shelter.

4:19 Adam It's just enough room for like two double bunk beds.

4:22 Drew Do you guys, do you say you?

4:24 The Crystal Method No, no, no, no, no. We had high hopes for the space, but it wasn't until we moved in and the landlord said, oh, you don't want to go down there. My son used to hide silver coins. My grandmother's silver coins down there. And the lead door has fallen in the years and years of water damaged and earthquakes. It's scary down there. It's scary. Just like she warned us there's brown spiders down there.

4:48 Drew Don't go down there. So you don't go down there.

4:49 The Crystal Method No, no, no, no. No, no, no.

4:51 Adam What a great place to fart.

4:55 Drew And now that brings us to the restaurant topic. Oh yeah.

4:58 Adam Yeah. And then I'll tell you, I got stories to tell all night. Yeah. So anyway, there's a restaurant out there called La Cabanita, which is a Mexican food. And it is a La Cabanita, that's Spanish for a heroin. House of Heroin, it is heroin.

5:12 Drew Cabin, yeah.

5:12 Adam Cabin is heroin. Yeah. And it's just the best Mexican food in the world. And ever since I moved away, I've never been back there, but we were talking, trading La Cabanita stories, me and Drew hadn't been there, but I was telling the Crystal Method guys, and they were telling me, and tonight, they brought in just an ass load of Mexican food for us to eat.

5:31 Drew I mean, it's just so good.

5:34 Adam Which is, it's spectacular food. And you understand why they're a hearty group, the Mexicans. You understand? This is it. And a huge range in meals, like for breakfast, Drew, sometimes they'll have tortillas with cheese, and they'll have some eggs, and they'll have some beef, and it's rice and beans. And then for lunch, now you got your tortillas and your beans, and your rice, and your cheese, and then some beef. And guess what dinner might be? That'd be some, well, we got some tortillas, and then we got some beef there with some beans, and put some cheese on that. Really?

6:10 Drew That's it?

6:11 Adam That's it? That's everything? That's the answer.

6:12 Drew It's the greatest.

6:13 Adam I know it's the greatest, but you got to have more range.

6:16 Drew It is high calorie.

6:19 The Crystal Method Since you've been there, they have breakfast now, so they have the eggs and the chorizo, and that's where you really get into it.

6:25 Adam It still boils down to the tortilla, the beans, the cheese, the guacamole, the sauce.

6:34 Drew The amazing thing is that it can be different, and this is better.

6:38 Adam Yes, this is a step up. Yeah, so we're going to-

6:41 Drew It is high fat, high cholesterol, high calories.

6:44 The Crystal Method So Dr. Drew comes out.

6:46 Adam You know your line. All right, we're going to hear something from Crystal Method, by the way, maybe more than one thing. Let me just tell you something funny before I forget. Besides all the, oh, the Rams lost. Very upsetting. And then I lost money on the Packers game. Very upsetting.

7:06 Drew But you're going to tell the fart story.

7:08 Adam Oh, it was, I was, okay. I was playing basketball yesterday and I'm sore as hell today because I haven't done it in a long time. And I had this, somebody gave me the yoga DVD. Like, I took a yoga class with Drew once when we were in North Carolina. And I kind of liked it. And I've been staring at this yoga DVD. And I thought, tonight's the night. Tonight's the night I pop in the yoga DVD and I stretch out and I'm sore and my back hurts. My thumb, I'm gonna stretch out. Well, now I was gassy as hell, number one. And it's really hard.

7:41 She was doing it next to me, but I was, I was blowing gas the entire time.

7:46 Adam My foot around my neck and getting down dog position.

7:49 Drew And laughing like a maniac.

7:50 Adam Well, it's funny because you got some homo in, he's wearing, you know, a tank top and a doctor scrub pants and he's like, release all the. It's like crazy novelty gas. So, but here's how the session ends. This might, my relaxing yoga session ends with me in a sort of half lotus position. Already just drove the wife out of the room just one too many parts. Doing a thing where like, well, one hand's on the small of the back. The other's grabbing the opposite knee. You're bending, twisting, turning, looking behind. Look, look, keep, you know, release, exhale. As I look behind, I see a big bug on the wall. I'm like, all right, this got it. No, no, I hop to my feet. I grab a glass. I pull it off the thing. I throw it into the toilet. I'm thinking I'm gonna flush it. And then I realized I gotta take a leak. And now I'm taking a leak on the bug. And I think to myself, this goes against all the teachings of yoga. One second, I'm in the lotus. Now I'm taking a leak on a beetle.

8:49 Drew Oh no, it actually sort of embodies the teaching of the yoga, which is, that soon shall be you. Next to go around and see Adam. You think being peed on now is a tough time.

8:59 Adam Right.

9:00 Drew Wait till you come around in lives as a bug.

9:02 Adam But it is, it's so, this is why you can never escape your horrible Americans. We're all horrible. I see you turn, you're like, I'm relaxing. What the hell's that bug doing? What's it in here? Hey, you're gonna pay. No way, this bug free. I'm gonna take care of this, pal. Next thing you know, I'm whizzing all over bugs. All right, hey, good times. Hey, Crystal Method. I wanna talk about you.

9:24 No, you don't. All right.

9:25 Adam What did you think of my yoga story? That was great, right?

9:28 The Crystal Method I do the same thing with the glass, with the bugs or spiders. When they start coming down from the ceiling, when you get the spiders coming down, get like a cassette case. If not, we wouldn't really have that very many of those anymore, but, or glass and do the thing and take it out. I always try to save the spiders because I always think that the spiders are gonna take care of the rest of the bugs. So I try to, I don't kill the spiders. I just take them and put them outside.

9:49 Adam Well, they always say that. They're like, well, the spiders eat the bad bugs. But when you ever see them doing any, they're never mopping up. They're just, they're bothering you.

9:58 Drew There's no shortage of bad bugs.

10:00 Adam Yeah, if I saw-

10:01 Drew Who takes care of the ants?

10:02 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

10:04 Adam I was like, listen, spiders, look, here's the deal with the spiders. You get on those ants, we got no, I got no problem. I got no beef with you. Invite your friends, come on over. But I don't see you doing anything. You're just sitting up there, you're with the dust and the webs everywhere. And I started putting them outside, too. And then I think I started recognizing the same ones coming back. I was like, these are, it was like, illegals coming over the border. We throw them back, then we catch the same guy again. At a certain point, I just had to do the urine toilet thing. And that's my new spider thing now. And you know, my karma's ruined anyway. So I just keep going with the mop up and the bugs. All right, oh yeah, Crystal Method, by the way, is going to be at the Virgin Mega Store in Stockton, San Francisco. Stockton, then San Francisco? The street is Stockton.

10:53 The Crystal Method Stockton Street in San Francisco, yes.

10:55 Drew Like where the, Stockton is the street where the cable cars go on.

10:59 The Crystal Method Yeah, the big Virgin Mega Store.

11:00 Adam All right, well it says in Stockton. Stockton's a city too.

11:03 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

11:04 Adam Up north, right? All right, confusing. So anyway, that's January 13th, which is?

11:10 Drew It's like Union Square. This Tuesday.

11:11 The Crystal Method This Tuesday, all right, yeah, Union Square.

11:14 Adam Oh, that is beautiful. Hey, Jasmine?

11:18 Yes?

11:19 Adam You're 20? What's up?

11:22 Caller Before I ask my question, I just want to tell you, Adam, I think you're a genius and me and my boyfriend miss watching you on the Man Show and we refuse to watch it now.

11:33 Adam Whatever. They show reruns of it, you can see that if you want.

11:37 Caller I know and we do watch those and we watch Crank Acres, Bertram is our favorite character.

11:43 Adam You're welcome. What's your question?

11:45 Caller Okay, question. I've been sexually active for about four years since I was 16 and I used to be able to orgasm very quickly and I mean, now it's much different and me and my boyfriend have been together for about seven months and it's very rare that I even orgasm and I mean, I don't think that I'm getting older because last year I was in a relationship and I didn't have a problem but now that I'm in this relationship, I rarely orgasm.

12:15 Drew So you think it's this guy?

12:17 Caller I don't know, I mean, you would think like that.

12:19 Drew Has anything else changed? Are you on a medication?

12:23 Caller I've been taking birth control.

12:24 Drew Anything, is it a new type of birth control for you?

12:28 Caller No, I've been taking it for about, since I started dating this guy, actually I started taking it.

12:33 Drew No, I understand but that's new for you. Which one is it?

12:37 Caller Ortho-priced cyclone low.

12:40 Drew Yeah, sometimes those things can shut people down. Usually it actually enhances a little bit but some women are shut down by it and that may be the whole thing.

12:47 Adam What about, you mean, is this through intercourse or through oral sex?

12:51 Caller Through oral sex, it's easier. I'll get off like much quicker or I'll get off but like if there's no oral sex involved, I just.

13:01 Drew That's sort of normal.

13:03 Adam Join the rest of the country.

13:04 Drew Yeah, I don't know but it may be the pill. It may be the pill that's changing your receptivity.

13:08 Caller Right, I know that's normal. I'm just wondering because I didn't have this problem a year ago.

13:13 Drew Yeah, I'm saying the pill. I'm saying the medicine.

13:16 Adam What about just, I don't know, the ever evolving vagina?

13:21 Drew It doesn't evolve like that.

13:23 Adam No, it heads the right direction, right?

13:24 Drew It heads towards, yeah, stuff falling out. It's toward orgasm, it's away from.

13:29 The Crystal Method It almost is like she wanted us to sort of dig a little deeper and try to figure out what. Because she kind of understood that.

13:36 Adam Jasmine? You want us to dig a little deeper?

13:40 Caller Well, I don't, if you want to, but I don't think there's anything else wrong with me.

13:46 Drew Well, we're thinking more about this relationship.

13:48 Adam We should never listen to Scott.

13:49 Drew Don't worry, I won't. Mental note, oh, wait a minute. Comes to food.

13:57 Adam Oh yeah, he's just, he's just our like a chili reno mule, but we shouldn't listen to him.

14:03 Drew He didn't pack these, did he?

14:06 Adam I don't know if he keeps them or not. Still better in most Mexican you eat. All right, hey Jasmine. This stuff from La Caminita was Scott's ass. Still, still good. Still a cut above Casabaga. All right, it's really all got to in Mexico. How many times does he start with house? Yeah, is that Aldo House something?

14:32 Drew Same in France. We don't say, say, say, say whatever.

14:35 Adam House of Sizzler, House of Dames, House of Waffles. Well, that's a house of waffles. But that's the only we got your Denny's in your pancake house. Bob's big boy.

14:45 Drew Pancake house.

14:45 Adam It's only flat breakfast infection where we put our house. That we have rules. Mexico's everything's house.

14:53 Drew This and they only have tortilla and bean and rice and me.

14:56 Adam It goes not not a rangy group that way.

14:59 Drew Only at the house. It's not a house. They don't have that food.

15:01 Adam Right.

15:02 Drew They.

15:03 Adam Oh, hey, I always like that when you're at the Mexican restaurant. You want some dessert? Let me guess. Well, on might that be flan, some white yogurt, some guy blew a snot rocket that tasted a little like honey on top of the fried ice cream.

15:18 The Crystal Method Yeah, the fried ice cream.

15:19 Drew That's good.

15:20 The Crystal Method Yeah, that's really good.

15:20 Drew They have that at Luckham.

15:21 The Crystal Method That's I never I never get to the desert, so I'm always so full from this.

15:25 Adam Here's all I'm saying. Make make the move toward the cobbler, the apple pie.

15:30 Drew That's a good deal. Yeah.

15:31 Adam Yeah.

15:31 Drew You're right.

15:32 Adam Yeah, I have. I have. And they do they do the same thing at the Asian joints, too, with the, you know, the ice cream ball that they fried. It's it's a novelty. Yeah, it's a novelty. But we can all agree a nice slab of pumpkin pie would probably hit the spot. But just break down and do it. You see what I'm saying? Just do it. Just go get the good dessert. Get get a piece of German chocolate. They they make. Here's what I'm saying. And then we're going back to the phone. But here's what I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying. You you live in Mexico or you live in Taiwan. You you you might you'd like to drive a German car. They make a good they make a good automobile. Doesn't make them superior to you. They happen to do the car well. That's their thing.

16:12 Drew And they do.

16:13 Adam And they do a good cake.

16:14 The Crystal Method They do a good chocolate cake.

16:16 Drew Yeah.

16:16 Adam Here's what I'm saying. So here's the best all world. You have yourself a nice chimichanga. You finish with a nice piece of German cake. Just like you want to drive that German car when you're there. I don't live in the United States. What want the German car? They do the best one. Just figure out who's the best. That's what you do.

16:32 Caller All right.

16:33 Adam I got things are going to change.

16:35 The Crystal Method So Pablo Pablo.

16:37 Adam Hello. What's happening, Pablo? You're 25.

16:40 Caller I'm not much just hanging out. Anyways, I had a question. So am I about a kind of a two part of questions mostly about semen. I was having sex with the condom and then I was done. I took it off and like 15 minutes later, I needed to use a condom again. I didn't have any more. So I use the same one.

17:02 Drew What do you do with the contents?

17:07 Caller It stayed in the condom.

17:09 Adam I didn't want to squeeze it out on you.

17:11 Drew Jesus Museum and Maritime Museum.

17:15 Adam Well, there's two. Yeah, there's one in Pablo, Colorado and then the other one I believe is off the route. We're in Poinimia, San Pedro.

17:26 Caller Yeah, it all stayed in there. I didn't want to try to get it out and contaminate the outside of the condom.

17:31 Adam Interesting.

17:31 Drew Diabolical. Yeah, diabolical. You know, it is certainly not an advisable. Why? You know, listen, what do you think?

17:39 Adam By the way, it's like putting your foot into a shoe you vomited in.

17:42 Caller A little, yeah, it was like a foggy shoe.

17:45 Drew Yeah, it's more like a diphery of soil.

17:48 Adam Listen, I'm just going to beat off over here, baby. Well, I'll catch you. I'll give you the big deuce next time.

17:54 Caller I'll come prepared.

17:56 Drew Yeah, Pablo, you were there. How do we know how pristine the outside of that and whether or not it's dry?

18:01 Caller Well, I did a pretty good job.

18:02 Caller I was just wondering how long does semen live?

18:05 Drew Until it, pretty much until it dries out.

18:08 Caller Because I thought on the inside of the condom so it didn't dry out.

18:12 Drew No, that's right. It's probably quite healthy.

18:14 Caller So as long as it's mushy, it's still viable.

18:17 Drew As long as it's mushy, it's viable. That's right.

18:20 Caller Also, another part, I had some lacerations on my hand. And when I would masturbate, sometimes semen would get, I had stitches.

18:30 Drew Get into your wound. So you get pregnant that way.

18:33 Adam Right.

18:34 Caller No.

18:34 Adam You burped your thumb. So what's the question? Can you get infection from it?

18:41 Caller Yeah, can it cause some infection? I know if you get poo in your blood system, that's it.

18:49 Drew But poo has got bacteria and the poo is outside the body. Semen comes from inside the body. This always freaks Adam out to hear this.

18:56 Adam Wow, the idea that there's parts. Tell him the parts that are outside the body.

19:00 Drew There's a tube from your mouth to your anus that is outside your body. So the esophagus, stomach, small bowel, the lumen, the interior of that is not inside your body. It's not a sterile space. It's outside your body. Even though the tube runs through your body, the tube itself, the inside of the tube is outside your body. And so bacteria and all kinds of funky things live there that couldn't live in your body.

19:20 The Crystal Method It's like our sewer system.

19:21 Drew Absolutely. And so, wait a minute, the seam and the bladder and the testicles and the seminal vasculas and all that stuff, that is inside the body. So what comes out of there, if it's not infected already by some STD or something, that's sterile.

19:32 The Crystal Method That's like our plumbing, basically. And then there's sewer.

19:35 Adam I could, let's say this too, by the way.

19:38 The Crystal Method Not our plumbing, but...

19:40 Adam Let me give you an example. Let me give you an example. I could eat these chili rellenos here, and I could then pass them, and then I could form them back into chili rellenos shape and cover them with red sauce and offer them to Drew. And if Drew said, have these been inside your body? I'd say, oh no, no. They never have been inside your body.

20:00 Drew And you'd feel perfectly good about it.

20:02 Adam No culpability.

20:03 Drew Now, I cannot say that what goes in your mouth is not changed by the trip through the juices of the stomach and the bacteria in the bowel and the absorptive surfaces and whatnot. Alright, there you go.

20:15 Adam So, anyway, best just just be a high roller.

20:21 The Crystal Method Stuck up on GIO.

20:22 Drew Thank you. Trojan condoms. Good job.

20:25 Adam And what about, speaking of putting some semen into a cut in your own hand, what if you hadn't done it in a while? Could you give yourself pink eye? You know what I'm saying?

20:36 Drew I guess you could. First of all, it can irritate the semen. Number one. Number two, there can be chlamydia in there. There is an eye infection of chlamydia and gonorrhea too. That's the problem.

20:45 Adam It's got to be a nice explanation. What happened, Bill? Pink eye. What happened? Bad load. Jesus Christ. No, no, no. It was me. Jesus Christ again. No, no, no. My load.

20:58 Drew The guy runs away with his hands in his ear.

21:04 Adam All right.

21:05 Drew Quick, Germany or Florida.

21:06 Adam Germany or Florida? You guys are fans of the show. You know Germany or Florida works. Amber?

21:12 Yes.

21:12 Adam You're 14?

21:13 Caller Yes.

21:14 Adam Germany or Florida? Go ahead.

21:16 Caller It's in October. An imprisoned 31-year-old child molester scheduled for a routine court hearing was temporarily placed in a holding cell with 60 other prisoners. Among them a 22-year-old man who immediately recognized him as the man who had molested him when he was 11. The man started punching him and knocked out a tooth before he was restrained.

21:42 Adam That was here. Florida. Ken seems to know, but we're going Florida anyway. Sounds Floridian. That's a play Germany or Florida. I like it.

21:54 Adam The guy beat the crap out of them.

21:56 Drew I'm sure that happens a fair amount because if you are sexually abused the risks of truant behavior and sociopathy are higher. And then of course the guys who did that stuff or the guys ended up in jail too.

22:07 Adam Yeah, there's a certain element of that. Jeffrey Dahmer was killed horribly in the joint. He was beaten by and everyone was like, yeah, what do you know? There you go. It takes all kinds. You hear those stories and no matter what you want to say, no matter where you come down on the death penalty, no matter how you feel about life or whether you're pro-choice or pro-life or whatever, whenever you hear about some guy like that sort of getting greatness come up and see always like, great, hey, the system is working or something's working. Maybe there is a God. Jeffrey Dunmer got a mop handle put up his ass. Maybe there is a God. Still outside the body though, right? I'm going to take this mop handle and go put it outside your body and I'm not going to use any lube.

22:50 Drew It will remain outside your body.

22:51 Adam Alright, that's my promise. The Crystal Method is here tonight. We're going to hear something off the new CD, Legion of Boom. We'll hear that right after this.

23:02 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

23:22 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Ken and Scott, both here tonight. The Crystal Method. Yeah, and I see, I'm never sure if it's like up on the, up on the board there, it says Crystal Method. And then sometimes it's the Crystal Method, but it's the Crystal Method or is it Crystal Method? Always the the. Always the the, okay. Keep that in mind. Legion of Boom, name of the new CD. Where is this new CD? Do I have it, Drew? Do you have that there? That's it right there. Yeah. That's smart. And we're going to hear something off it after one call. Yes. Let's talk to Kevin who's 20. Kevin. What's happening?

24:12 Caller I interned for the Washington Post last summer and I got into an elevator with Tom Shales and I got into a conversation about showmanship. Oh, shut up.

24:22 Caller Are you kidding me?

24:24 Drew Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

24:25 Adam Well, no, here, look, but Drew, you got to stop and tell the stories. Yes, yes. Tom Shales is a critic for...

24:32 Drew Television critic.

24:33 Adam He's a television critic for the Washington Post. I think he's syndicated.

24:36 Drew He's actually a smart guy.

24:37 Adam I'm sure he is for a fat homo.

24:41 Drew Does that make him not smart?

24:42 Adam No, just, you know, I'm entitled to my opinion, just like he's entitled to his.

24:46 Drew Just because he didn't like you.

24:48 Adam He likes to smoke a little pole, I'm sure. Look, his business is his business, you know. The point is, is he wrote this great, well, Drew, he got you into it.

24:58 Drew I know, but I actually admire some of his stuff.

25:01 Adam He's the smartest fat homo there is in the land. You know, there's no doubt about it. He's a genius, but he wrote this article about The Man Show, a review about The Man Show, that was so scathing and so personal. And he didn't, he left Jimmy out of it. He just turned to me and he just called me Neanderthal. Neanderthal, a wolf man.

25:22 Drew No showmanship.

25:23 Adam No showmanship. That's where the homo part crept into my head. He got the guy, year 2001, he's complaining about showmanship on TV. And just went on and on and on. Just, it was just a personal attack.

25:35 Adam Didn't quite have that Liberace quality.

25:37 Adam Yeah, I know, yeah, what do I, a cane and top hat and a cape? Have some guy take my cape, like my squire takes my cape when I come out there to do the man show. No showmanship while I'm chugging beer. And then he went in to talk about Loveline and then started getting into Drew, which is me basically. He described Loveline as me sort of, I don't know, making fart. Mouthing off while a, while Dr. Drew.

26:02 Drew Smugly preens. So.

26:05 Adam Smugly preens. So yeah, so it sounds like Drew just sits there with his arms folded with a puss on the whole time I'm yelling at kids. Smugly preening Dr. Drew. But anyway, so ever since then, I've just been like, hey, Tom Shales can kiss my hairy ass cause F him. And everyone does this thing with these, with these critics where they're like, well, don't, don't, don't be mean to them. Because if you're mean to them, then they'll say something else bad about you. But it's like, my attitude is F you. Well, by the way.

26:33 Drew You know, just cause he was personally, you know, get personal back. Cause he's not a bad, who knows what he is back there. You don't know.

26:38 Adam That's the thing about Tom Shales. If he's listening, if Tom, if Tom Shales ever wants to meet me anywhere.

26:44 Drew Or be on the show. How about him on the show? How about him on the show?

26:48 Adam I would love to kick his ass.

26:49 Drew Now you're taking it. Now you're being, now you're being.

26:50 Adam I'd love to beat that fat ass's ass. I just love to. I would love to. And if he'd ever agree to it, we'd do it man to man. I'd sign some papers, just take him somewhere and just give him a nice. Yeah, whoever he is, I don't even know what he is. I know I'd kick his ass.

27:03 Drew I've seen him do his commentary. That was good.

27:05 Adam He's a delight, he's a genius.

27:06 Drew So anyway.

27:06 Adam Big fat homo.

27:07 Drew I haven't titled my opinion.

27:09 Adam Just like he's entitled to his, right? We're both, we're both, we both do shows, right? Go ahead, Gavin.

27:16 Caller Yeah, so exactly how you said. Adam's not doing vaudeville, he's not doing Vegas, circuit is away, he's trying to make people laugh. And then he went into a thing where he called you no talent. I said, listen, this guy has no talent, he has three successful cable shows, a popular radio show and writes for a late night show that's already 10 times smarter, more clever than Leno and has a potential to be better than Dave Letterman. And then he said something like, I would think like Lauren Bacall or Catherine Hepburn would say, well I never, and just walked out. And it was a great moment.

27:45 Adam Well I never, I think that's what you do like when you're living in the 30s. All right, well thanks for sticking up for me, Kevin.

27:53 Caller I had to ask you one more question, I'm sorry.

27:55 Drew Well you guys had this question.

27:57 Caller I know your other partner and Crystal Method former employee Jimmy Kimmel wrote for a little bit for Jon Stewart for the Grammys. Do you ever think that thing was right for work shows?

28:09 Adam Crystal Method knows Jimmy, The Crystal Method from back in the radio days in Arizona, or Vegas?

28:17 Adam Vegas.

28:18 Adam U-N-L-V, K-U-N-V.

28:19 Adam Right, and you guys, now what is that story?

28:26 Adam Jimmy says I fired him, so.

28:27 Caller Oh really?

28:28 Adam He probably did. Were you a program director?

28:30 Caller Yeah.

28:31 Adam Almost everyone fired him. Mike Gardner I spoke to, he speaks broken English, but he mentioned, yes, he got it. He's like, oh, you see, you see no Jimmy? Yes, I fired him.

28:39 Adam Funny thing was.

28:40 Adam Everyone's fired Jimmy.

28:41 Adam Funny thing was is when Jimmy was doing the sports, so that's when I thought I met him for the first time, here we're at like the weenie roast or something. I'm like, ah, Jimmy, big fan. You're really funny. And he's like, Ken, you don't remember. I'm like, what are you talking about?

28:56 The Crystal Method You fired me. We were doing Kevin and Bean and he was doing sports and he came over and he's like, yeah, you don't remember me, do you Ken? Ken's like, no, no, hey, Jimmy, big fan. You fired me back in a few years ago. And he actually said it in a, he spoke of Ken in the Playboy interview. I told him about how Ken Jordan from the Crystal Method fired me.

29:17 Adam Great judge of talent, I think.

29:19 Adam I got let go by a guy from Kaja Gugu many years ago. Did I ever tell that story to you?

29:24 Drew I thought it was Skriti Politi.

29:25 Adam Oh, it was Skriti Politi, I mean, that's right. Who the hell knows that man anymore? That's our point. All right. The point is, is Jimmy's been fired from almost every job. Possibly every job he's had, really. I mean, that's usually the reason he moves on. But, you know, he's durable, that kid. What can you say? You know, he's, and obviously he's bounced back from the Ken Jordan firing and Ken evidently hasn't. No, Ken is doing, everyone's doing their own thing. That's the beauty. You see what I'm saying?

30:01 Drew And succeeding.

30:02 Caller All right, all right. Where are we?

30:03 Adam We're gonna hear a song.

30:04 Drew Yeah.

30:04 Adam That's what we need to do. We need to hear a Crystal Method song. Off the new CD, Legion of Boom, this one is called Born Too Slow. That is The Crystal Method. Legion of Boom is the name of that CD.

33:17 Drew Who's singing?

33:18 Adam This guy, Johnny Garcia.

33:20 Adam And how did you find him?

33:21 Adam He used to be in this band called Kyus, and Kyus later on became Queen of the Stone Age.

33:28 Drew Oh, really?

33:29 Adam And this is a real cool desert rock band. But we heard his voice, and we just thought, it's so crazy, it just might work.

33:40 The Crystal Method West Portland, formerly of Limp Bizkit, is playing guitar on that.

33:44 Adam Oh, really? Is he out of Limp Bizkit?

33:48 Adam Yeah, he's been out for a while.

33:50 The Crystal Method He's got a band that he's putting together, I think it's called Eat the Day. Hopefully, we'll be hearing something from them soon.

33:57 Adam Yeah. I had this theory about if you name your kid Less, he ironically is going to do more in life. Less is a very strong name for some reason. You know what I mean?

34:07 Adam The working title of that song forever was called Wes Is More.

34:12 The Crystal Method His name is Wes, but for a long time, the working title was Less Is More.

34:16 Adam I heard of that.

34:17 The Crystal Method See, we're all.

34:18 Adam Hey, man, we're all just connected. Just like that beetle I took a leak on and then flushed it in the toilet.

34:25 The Crystal Method Chili Reynos.

34:26 Adam Yeah. Let me tell you my karma payback though, parking ticket out front of my own house when I came out tonight to go to work. Yeah.

34:35 Drew You know who called that one in?

34:37 Adam I have no idea who called it in.

34:39 Drew One of your happy neighbors.

34:40 Adam Well, let me say this about that. I see these vermin known as parking enforcement personnel roaming around at night up in the hills. They don't need to be called. They don't need to be summoned. By the way, I don't know if you, look, if you call the cops and say, listen, I came home, the house had been burglarized, I need to send a patrol car up here. They'll tell you it's going to be about four to six hours. If you call and tell them, my neighbor's bumpers hanging three feet into the red, hurry before the car's running, they may move it soon. I bet you get a guy lickety split up to the house to collect 35 bucks from the neighbor.

35:20 Drew What's in for them?

35:21 Adam It's a great system.

35:22 Drew Otherwise.

35:23 Adam That's a very good point. You know what we need, by the way? Ah, this is a good point, because Drew and I always talk about when there's no incentive, everything goes to hell. Like cable companies, for many, many years, you could kiss their hairy, lazy ass. Like they would just look you right in the eye and tell you, yeah, we'll have a guy out between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. And he'd be like, I understand it's a work day, right? I mean, I got to go to work. Well, how about you write it down in a book? Look, by the way, we're not talking about tomorrow. We're talking about two weeks from tomorrow. Just go ahead and put it down in a book. Hey, that's it. What are you going to do? Hey, have fun watching Ben Hunter on Channel 5 at noon. Enjoy. I think he's going to show a Doris Day movie. Yeah, enjoy. No, you need cable. There's no other cable. Kiss our ass. And then satellite TV comes in. And of course, all the cable guys are now backpedaling. Oh, oh, oh, here. Oh, no, no, here's what we got. Yeah, we're good guys now. Of course, this is what happens. They need, they need incentive. Well, let me tell you something about the police department. No incentive. They're not battling against another police department. That's what we need. We need another LAPD who says, Who has a better job. Takes those guys six hours to make it. We'll make it in five. You know, put a little fire. You see what I'm saying? And then you go, now I'm gonna call the good police company after I get robbed. A little, put a little something.

36:49 Drew Well, you know, there's a business here, a private police company.

36:52 Adam Ah, yeah, yeah, be like RoboCop.

36:54 Drew You finally can get your own police squad car.

36:57 Adam I want my own, I want my own guys. Yeah, pull me over. Oh, it's you, Mr. Corolla. If you're gonna drink hard liquor in the car, Mr. Corolla, you may want to dump it into a Coke can. Just a tip, have a good day. You want an escort to the airport? The Crystal Method is in studio tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

37:19 Caller Loveline.

37:40 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Two of the nicest guys in Techno and House music, Kenneth Scott. And I think I know all the Tech House guys.

37:51 Caller I think I met them all.

37:52 Adam Yeah, and this is definitely the best. And as we always talk about, you would never guess in a million years what these guys do for a living. When I say tech and house, is that all right? What do you want to say?

38:08 Caller Electronic.

38:08 Adam Electronic. Electronic guys, they're usually, they're high, like most of the time, they're weird, they have a little English accent, they're a little tweaked, they're kind of pompous. They're, you know what I'm talking about. We've had these guys, you know, so it's a nightmare. It's like whenever they go, ah, electronic guys, holy Christ, I'm gonna get some attitude from a guy with a thick accent. Yeah, and I will never have heard of the guy, but he's the best, he's the best, he's the best, no one's better, he's the best, and no one else has heard of him. He's the best, he's the greatest, yeah. And he's nothing but an attitude, he's really boring, and not, even though all he does is scratch all day, somehow he's twice as smart as we are. I hate those guys, but not Ken and Scott, not the Crystal Method. These are your, this is your dad's electronic man. They are blue collar, they roll their sleeves up, and they get down to scratching and sampling. Right? That's right, that's right. And these guys you can hang with, and that all doing the, you know what I'm saying. All right, where are we? Where are we taking calls? Going talking to Andy. Andy?

39:20 Caller Yeah.

39:21 Adam Yeah, 14 from La Crescenta. Yeah. All right. All right.

39:25 Caller I heard you're from La Crescenta.

39:28 Adam Well, the Crystal Method guys settled there in that region and then I flopped there for about three years in a house off of like Lake Street up there.

39:41 Caller All right. I have a question.

39:42 Drew And tonight we're eating food from La Cabanita.

39:46 Adam Yeah.

39:47 Drew From that area. Yeah. Near there.

39:51 Caller That's where all the rich people live. Right. I have a question for Dr. Drew. Yeah. Yeah. I was wondering if gay people choose to be gay or are they born gay?

40:01 Drew Well, let me kind of turn it back on you a little bit, Andy. Can you choose your attractions? I don't think so. Can you choose what kind of women you're attracted to?

40:10 Adam What if I said I was going to put my penis outside of your body? What if I said that, Drew? That'd be okay, right? Yeah.

40:16 Drew Are we negotiating the penis?

40:18 Adam Outside the body. No harm done. Drew's, he's allergic to my penis. He's sneezing over there. Why, Andy? Is it, are you just curious?

40:35 Drew Well, it's not really that much of a debate anymore. There clearly are some biological elements there.

40:40 Adam Yeah, the only debate is within like religious groups, moral groups, what is the biological part?

40:48 Drew Well, there's certain structures in the brain or different sizes and whatnot. And the question is, is that genetically induced or is that again, some element of the environment? And Adam and I have been talking to people for many years. It's pretty clear to us. Some people are just gay. That's it. And some people have some sort of traumatic experience that affects their sexual orientation. But you know what? They're just as gay. You know what I mean? They can't undo their attractions. No, any more than.

41:14 Adam Maybe gayer, cause that's gay with a vengeance. But you know, they got molested by their uncle for six years and now it's game on.

41:20 Drew Yeah, and no Adam take away his attraction for breasts, right? Can you be not breast attracted or breast obsessed?

41:28 Adam I think, yeah, if you put a bullet in my head about 20 minutes later, I'd not be in the press.

41:33 Drew If we took out part of your brain.

41:34 Adam Yeah, you don't have to put the bullet in it, you have to kill me.

41:36 Drew Yeah, right.

41:37 Adam Yeah.

41:38 Drew And so Andy, could you be changed in terms of what you're attracted to? No.

41:42 Adam Andy?

41:43 Drew No, you can't. You can't get him off of hot wheels. But the question is, is that something, the question, the reality is that whatever is in the moment probably can't be changed. Although there's some debate about that. But the reality is, the prevailing wisdom is it can't. And how it gets there, whether it's environmentally or genetically induced or both, and it is with every human behavior, there's probably elements of both. Right. It is what it is and you can't really change it. We don't know how to change attractions. Right.

42:05 Adam All right, but what about the biological part? There was some discussion some years ago about some part of the brain. They were finding something. I can't remember what it was.

42:15 Drew There's been multiple observations of pineal glands there.

42:18 Adam They never find anything.

42:19 Drew They found some, yeah, a lot of little things and they're different. They're there.

42:23 Adam But isn't some of that cause from skull effing? I mean, you ever? No. Because that happens.

42:31 Drew And the Hawaiians got upset by the stuff you said. They go through the air. The Hawaiians are upset. And you don't expect to hear anything from them.

42:38 Adam Look, the gays have a sense of humor. That's why they call them gay. But the thing is, if you were molested, it might not be enough to make you gay unless you kind of had some genetic predisposition. Right. Drew, like for instance, you're a man of deep passion. Deep, extreme. And all the molestation in the world couldn't have gotten you gay. Couldn't have made you gay. Yes? I don't know. Well, should we do a little experiment? We'll be outside. My fist will be outside your body. I can guarantee you that. All right, let's move forward. We need to move forward, yes? Yes. Deanna?

43:15 Caller Yes.

43:16 I have a question. My boyfriend cannot choose between his ex-fiance and me.

43:24 Adam How old is your boyfriend?

43:25 Caller 20.

43:27 We're talking about marriage and his ex-fiance come over to his house yesterday.

43:33 Adam Hold on, I don't want to correct you, but it's come over to his house. Sorry. It's come over to his house. Done come.

43:40 She went over to his house.

43:44 Adam It's done come to his trailer. Sorry, go ahead.

43:49 Caller And I don't know what to do because he's having mixed emotions.

43:53 Drew Yeah, you want us to tell you what to do?

43:55 Caller Yeah.

43:56 Drew Dump this guy.

43:58 Caller Okay.

43:58 Drew There you go. Yeah, you have a sudden-

44:04 Adam The idea that the guy has an ex-fiance.

44:07 Drew That he's still courting.

44:10 Adam The idea that a 17-year-old is talking about this guy and his ex-fiance. This idea that you're 17 and your man has an ex-fiance is probably-

44:19 Drew Bad and he's still seeing her and he wants to marry you while he's, no, that's a kid, that doesn't-

44:24 Caller Well, he hasn't talked to her in like a year.

44:27 Caller Until last night.

44:28 Caller And out of the blue, she showed up.

44:30 Drew Yeah, what do you want to bet he's been talking to her?

44:31 Adam Yeah, why did she show up?

44:34 Caller I don't know.

44:35 Adam Why did he say she showed up?

44:37 Caller Well, I was at his house when he, when she showed up.

44:41 Drew She's been showing up for a while, Deanna.

44:43 Adam Oh. Well, she lived, does she live around? And, okay, who broke up with who? Why is she his ex?

44:52 Caller She broke up with him because she is like mentally unstable or something.

44:58 Drew That's what he says.

44:59 Caller No, that's what she told me.

45:01 The Crystal Method Are you his current fiance?

45:02 Caller Yes.

45:04 Adam You guys are engaged?

45:05 Caller Yes, but we're not going to get married until about two more years.

45:09 Adam Two more years.

45:10 Caller Yeah, we're going to be engaged for a long time, see how it works out.

45:14 Adam His probation and then soon as the house arrest collar comes off, you guys go down and find a sea captain to marry him. What's this guy do for a living? Something with a forklift.

45:26 Caller He's a computer technician.

45:27 Adam Aha, he operates a computer with a forklift. Computer technician. What's he doing? He's not doing, he's working a radio shack. He's handing out batteries, right?

45:38 Caller No, I don't know what the name of his company is, but he's a computer technician making $70 an hour. Holy mother.

45:46 Adam Mother of pearl. All right, well he's a keeper then. Don't let him get you pregnant. And what are you doing? Are you in high school?

45:53 Caller No, I'm out of school. I've got a job, it's not a very good one, but.

45:58 Drew All right, Arby's.

45:59 Adam That's right, where do you work? Just for fun. Oh, they didn't work the casa in there, though. That's a twist on the Mexican restaurant.

46:13 Drew If you start the name of your hut with taco, you don't have to put house.

46:17 Adam Yeah, I know. And by the way, it's like, really, that's as good as you could do? Good taco? Good taco, that's the name of your restaurant? I like when the Mexicans want all the crazy stuff, like the pollo loco, the loco chicken, and all this stuff. There's one plot of that kind of gordo chicken, a fat chicken, really, that's great. That's a great name for a restaurant, fat chicken. That's great. Oh yeah, and the painting of the chicken being chased by Mr. Pig, genius. It makes me hungry. When I think about the chicken wearing lipstick, I get hungry. And having cleavage, very exciting. Tempting, now I really want to eat and beat off. All right, The Crystal Method is here. We're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:05 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:10 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:11 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE. Call the Dateline.

47:43 Adam Ken and Scott both here tonight from the Crystal Method. You guys watch football over the weekend? Oh, yeah.

47:50 The Crystal Method Fourth and 25, that game earlier, that Philly, Philly.

47:54 Adam Oh, my God.

47:55 Adam The Green Bay gave away that game.

47:57 Adam Yeah, they did. I don't know what the percentage on the completion of picking up fourth and 25. I mean, the league average on fourth and 10 is probably about 30 percent, maybe 25 percent. Fourth and 25 is, I mean, percentage wise, if you converting a fourth and 25 has to be under 10 percent. Oh, yeah. And there's been a fair amount of that this season. I mean, just some crazy ass plays. Oh, the Rams game, I want to kill myself after that goddamn Rams game. And then I lost 500 bucks today. That's what I did. I I wanted to I wanted. Now, here's all I did. Here's my my football weekend was a big Rams fan. Want to see the Rams win. Of course, that didn't happen in very heartbreaking from very heartbreaking perspective. The then I want to see the Patriots lose. And of course, of course, they win. They win like they always win. They just always win. Then it happened. Then today I thought, OK, well, I'm over two. I'm going to make myself feel better because I'm going to bet the I'm going to bet Philly. I'm betting Philly and I'll put 500 bucks on Philly. And here's the thing. They're at home. They're going to explode. And far, far stumps bad. He's been riding. He's been he's he's been he's been, you know, he's been riding a dream for about three or four. But he's good to have one of these games where he throws the bad interceptions. He tries to squeeze it in. He tries to do too much sometimes. He's going to they're going to and Philly's going to roll. This is it. And now three points. They're lucky to win, but the spread was sick. So there you go. Big, big, big weekend.

49:36 Drew Who beat Minneapolis?

49:37 Adam Big weekend. Minneapolis. Minnesota.

49:39 Drew Minnesota, I mean.

49:41 Adam The Cardinals beat last game of the year. And that's the other thing, too. The Green Bay backed into the playoffs. They weren't supposed to be. If stupid Minnesota had beaten the Cardinals like they should have. And not only should they have beaten them, it was a last play. Hail Mary thing. Green Bay shouldn't even be there. Well, what the hell's all right when it's not a sports show. But when is Philly, Philly, when is Philly going to just get it together and sort of dominate?

50:07 Drew Like the rest of the season, you're at home.

50:09 Adam They were supposed to have the best quarterback in the league. What's what's going on? You got a great defense. You can't beat someone. Twenty seven to ten. The quarterback's the guy's dad died ten minutes ago. His thumb's falling off. They're basically a 500 team the whole year. You're at home. Really got to win that one on a fourth and twenty five. Hell's up.

50:27 Adam They were behind the whole game.

50:29 Adam Here's the beauty too. Once I was done knowing I wasn't going to get the spread, then I wanted I wanted Green Bay to win, which of course made it. It's great when you're betting. What are you guys kicking a field goal for? You're going for the end zone. It's like, oh, it's great.

50:45 The Crystal Method You know, Tom Morello is a big Rams fan. Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine.

50:51 Adam Oh, really?

50:51 The Crystal Method A big Rams fan? Yeah, huge, huge Rams fan.

50:54 Adam Wow.

50:54 The Crystal Method So I'm going to talk about with him.

50:56 Adam I didn't know that. And by the way.

50:57 Drew They like nothing institutional.

51:00 The Crystal Method No, he's a huge Cubs fan. I think I saw him at that.

51:02 Drew Maybe it's maximum institution. I thought they were.

51:05 The Crystal Method I think Tom was holding up a sign at that last Cubs Marlins game and Tom was holding up a sign and said, we shall overcome. And he's a huge Rams fan and he's a huger, if that's not a word, but he's an even bigger Lakers fan. Really?

51:21 Adam Local boy. So you're going to lift him out here?

51:23 The Crystal Method I think, well, he grew up in, well, Chicago, I'll get my Tom Reller will by a lot. I think he grew up in the.

51:29 Adam Harvard graduate.

51:30 The Crystal Method Yes.

51:30 Adam Wow. He's a smart guy, likes the Rams. Now listen, here's my thing. As we've said many times, I grew up a Rams fan, I grew up in Los Angeles and they moved and we don't have another team. So I'm just devoted. You know, I liked the team I liked when I was a kid. That's all.

51:44 Drew You like Roman Gabriel and Jack Snow.

51:46 Adam Everyone gets mad at me, by the way. They go, what are you doing?

51:49 Drew Vince Ferragamo.

51:53 Adam You and your fantasy football picks over there. You calls your teams we all the time. We need to get some D.B.s in a kicking game and then we'll be you'll Ruby. Hey, you're Ruby. You're 22. What's going on?

52:16 Caller And I'm four, I'm four eight, I'm like, I'm a really tiny girl. And I was just wondering, is there such thing of girls like never having like never having sex at all? Like, like, it hurts them too much, so they just can never have it.

52:41 Adam Well, look, first off, half the people that called the show got raped when they were seven.

52:46 Drew Right.

52:46 Adam You know, so they were three, two. You know, you're four, eight. You're, you're giant compared to them.

52:53 Drew And a lot of women are looking for anatomical sort of satisfaction that she doesn't have to look very far for.

53:01 Adam Yeah. You get there. Well, what's the deal? You're 22, so you're little. So what?

53:07 Caller Yeah, I know. I just, I don't know, I mean, everyone always told me, I'm going to break you in half. I'm going to break you in half and stuff.

53:13 Drew That's just guys screwing around. Were you sexually abused growing up?

53:18 Caller Yeah, I was just touched by my cousin.

53:23 Drew Well, the sexual abuse has-

53:26 Adam That's on the new fall lineup, by the way.

53:28 Drew Touched inside?

53:29 Adam No, touched by my cousin. It's an hour.

53:34 Drew Ruby, that has way more to do with your fears and concerns than your actual stature. Plenty of small people have satisfying relationships.

53:44 Adam I'd say there's a lot of dwarfs doing porn.

53:47 Caller Yeah.

53:47 Adam I don't condone it, but I still watch a lot of it.

53:51 Caller Yeah, that's true.

53:54 Drew That convinced her, Adam. That convinced her.

53:56 Adam That's good. Well, you got to use the kind of logic that works on our listeners. It's a huge industry, this dwarf porn, and these are women that, boy, where do they go? 32, 33 inches? I mean, come on.

54:11 The Crystal Method Well, we applaud you for not acting on, because both Ken and I listen to the show quite often, and you'll find someone like yourself who's called in and has been through many abusive relationships because of their situation when they were younger.

54:22 Drew Yeah, there's sort of two ways they go. They either go through deprivation or hypersexuality or back and forth between Adam and me.

54:29 Adam I catch them during the dormant phase. It's the same. Whatever I catch them were the same things I catch the crocodiles in when I go to the zoo. Hey, is he dead? No, no. Why? I've been throwing stuff at him for a while. Yeah, yeah, he's not moving.

54:43 Caller He's still moving.

54:44 Drew He was just here an hour ago.

54:46 Adam Yeah. And by the way, how about a little heads up when you go to the zoo? This stuff's not moving this month? You know, like, you know, Disneyland goes to Matterhorn's down? Matterhorn's shut down. I'm not gonna go. I'll wait till it opens up. The crocodiles are shut down. They ain't moving. Everything's in their cave. Nothing's going on. Don't go. That's all I want. That's a little heads up. A little heads up.

55:06 Drew All right.

55:06 Adam So, look, she needs some therapy for her, for abuse, right?

55:10 Drew Absolutely.

55:11 Adam And then feel free to have a relationship.

55:13 Drew That's right. Probably there's more relationship stuff going on too.

55:18 Adam Well, if you look at it this way, I mean, if you look at it, not only you have the type of family, not only where there was sexual abuse, but then you got the kind of family that thinks that's a decent enough idea. You know, I mean, forget about the actual physical aspect of it, of the sexual abuse. What about just the emotional part of growing up in a house where that's okay, that's tolerated.

55:39 Drew Or you don't feel comfortable coming forward with it.

55:42 Adam Right.

55:43 Drew You tell somebody about it.

55:44 Adam All those things. And psychologically, by the way, when you got the stepdad or the biological dad that's having a pass at you, imagine a feeling living under the same roof as the guy. You know, you're leaving the shower and running to your room and slamming the door behind you, hoping he doesn't, you know, he hasn't had a few beers and doesn't get a glimpse of you. I mean, imagine what it's got to do psychologically. That's why I want the broomstick outside of their body once they're in prison. All right, let's talk to Joe, who's 17, Joe.

56:17 Caller Hello?

56:17 Adam Hello. Yeah.

56:19 Caller Joe, first of all, you're my hero, whatever. But the other thing is I have no sexual drive with whatever at all.

56:26 Drew Are you on any medication?

56:28 Caller Nope.

56:29 Drew Any normal stature, normal size?

56:31 Caller Normal size, everything.

56:32 Drew Do you have normal body hair distribution, that sort of thing? Have you ever ejaculated?

56:37 Caller Yeah.

56:38 Adam Really? Just not for you?

56:40 Caller What? No, not really.

56:42 Adam I had this exact opposite reaction. I was like, oh yes, this is it now. There will be no more school, no more work, no more comfort. As a matter of fact, I gotta get to play this thing. I gotta get going. This is it.

56:56 Caller I found the... Too much thinking.

56:59 Adam I'm busy. That's it. Game on. So, wait a minute. You just ejaculated. Joe, you're like... Come see. Come sit. I'm gonna take it or leave it.

57:11 Drew You said you watched some porn. What happened?

57:13 Caller It's nothing to me at all. I'm not gay or anything. Yeah.

57:16 Drew It sounds like there's something biological going on, Joe.

57:20 Caller That's everything.

57:21 Drew Smoke weed?

57:22 Caller I smoke, though, though.

57:24 Drew Cigarettes or weed?

57:25 Caller Cigarettes.

57:26 Drew Cigarettes shouldn't do this.

57:27 Adam Not at this age. Not at 17.

57:28 Drew It eventually will do it. Yeah.

57:30 Adam Being 60s.

57:31 Drew Yeah.

57:31 Adam But look, Joe... So, Joe is 17 years old.

57:34 Drew Yeah.

57:35 Adam He doesn't have some sort of thyroid condition.

57:37 Drew He might have prolactinoma or something. There's something shutting his testes down. There's all kinds of hormonal changes that can do that. Hormonal problems.

57:44 Adam A 17-year-old guy should be going out of his mind.

57:46 Drew An unsatisfying orgasm is a biological event. And that's something that's...

57:49 Caller I used to drink heavily, too, though.

57:51 Drew What's that?

57:51 Caller I used to drink heavily, too, but I just quit.

57:54 Drew Did you do a bunch of ecstasy?

57:56 Caller I don't mess with any of that, no.

57:58 Drew Basset or anything like that? What?

58:00 Caller I used to smoke weed, but I quit doing that, too.

58:02 Drew How long were you smoking weed for?

58:04 Caller Just all last summer. And then I quit.

58:08 Adam Why did you quit everything? What happened?

58:10 Caller No, I was just smoking weed and I said, forget it, I'm going to quit this because I want to get a job.

58:14 Drew And were you sexually more involved sexually before all the substances?

58:20 Caller Yeah. I still like it when I see a girl, oh, she's hot, but you know.

58:24 Drew Are you depressed?

58:25 Caller No, a little bit, yeah.

58:28 Adam Well, let me ask you this, how often do you beat off?

58:31 Caller I don't, at all, actually.

58:33 Adam Okay, well, we got to end this conversation, we're starting to strangle this guy.

58:37 Caller I'll throttle him with my bare hands.

58:40 Drew Yeah, Joe, there's something going on.

58:41 Caller Yeah.

58:41 Drew There's something going on.

58:42 Adam Now, what do you do, though? You go to a doctor?

58:44 Drew Yeah, you go to a doctor and say, you know, this, they need to check what's called, they need to check a thyroid level, they need to check a prolactin level. Just for starters, and a testosterone level, because something, something's up here and it needs to be checked out. There's a book called Man-Made, I hope it's still in print, that talks about, well, it talks about what it's like to go from somebody with, exactly like Joe, because of a prolactin tumor, to having it taken out and taken care of, to the testosterone turning on, and all of a sudden it's like, oh my God.

59:12 Adam Well, yeah, we had that guy in here, didn't we?

59:13 Drew That's right, Ken Baker.

59:15 Adam Ken Baker, the gist maker?

59:17 Drew Now he is.

59:18 Adam Now he is. That's right, that's his new name. Yeah, the guy had a, had a prolactin secreting tumor or something, and he had no, had no drive, had no, oh, he wasn't, he wasn't interested in sports, he wasn't interested in anything, he would date girls, we wouldn't, didn't have the same, didn't seem as excited about it as the other guys, where you couldn't understand why he was on the street. A better life, if you think about it.

59:38 Drew Not as distracting.

59:39 Adam Not as distracting, because like, first off, I'm very upset over the Rams law, then I got to come out of the down dog position in order to kill a beetle, you know, then I come outside and I see a parking ticket in my car, I start going berserk, you know, these things are all at three times.

59:58 Drew Sorry, sorry.

59:59 Adam Yeah, put a zero behind it. The point is, is all this could, could, would go away with just a little estrogen, right?

1:00:06 Drew Or a little testosterone, yeah. All that hair.

1:00:09 Adam Oh, yeah. How dare you. Drew makes fun of me, but Drew has no hair on his, Drew, show, show, show him your arms. Is it, is it, look, you'd be happy if your lady had, had this kind of hair distribution on her forearms. Like, turn that forearm inside, Drew. Is it, is it just, it's bare, right? Is there, is it, is it completely hairless?

1:00:32 Adam Is it blonde or is it nothing there?

1:00:33 Adam It's hard to tell because there's nothing there. No, it is a light, it's a light colored hair. You can see it on top of the forearm. But I mean, wait, have you ever seen a guy with the, that, what, what's going on? Not since high school. You got leg hair? Here we go. You should see the crack of his ass. You should see the back of his sack. No hair. Oh, don't believe me. Go Drew. All right. Well, anyway, not, not normal hair distribution on Drew, but yet, yet a passionate man.

1:01:07 Drew That's weird.

1:01:08 Adam Very passionate man. And let's talk to Jimmy's 24. Jimmy.

1:01:13 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:01:15 Drew Good.

1:01:15 Caller What are you doing? Oh, no, I just got a question. My girlfriend won't let me come inside her. Right? And we've been together for three and a half years and she's on the birth control pill. And she's on it, you know, because we don't want to have no, you know, no juniors running around.

1:01:33 Drew That's a good reason to take the birth control pill. Generally, it's.

1:01:36 Adam Especially when I have kids.

1:01:37 Drew Yeah.

1:01:38 Caller How much?

1:01:39 Adam I guess you could use it for that.

1:01:40 Caller And I understand that, you know, I don't want, you know, I'm a little worried. I don't want to get pregnant either, you know, because you use it regularly, you know, so what I could withdraw method. Is that really making that much more difference?

1:01:55 Adam What do you think? I mean, look, if she's on the pill and she's taking it the right way.

1:01:59 Drew Forget. It's plenty. You're as close to a hundred percent as you can be because because she's really worried about it.

1:02:05 Adam And I like you.

1:02:06 Caller You know what I'm saying? Because she's responsible that way, too. And that makes me overweight.

1:02:12 Drew Is she heavy? No, she's not overweight, because that's the one thing I've not stressed on the show over the years that can affect the efficacy or the effectiveness of the birth control pill. In fact, not a lot of been made of it in the medical literature. But recently, they've been making more of it that some of the failures may be the fact that the larger heavier women made it happen.

1:02:31 Adam She may be worried about something else and she's just not telling him.

1:02:34 Drew I mean, like this relationship going on?

1:02:39 Adam No, like, I don't know. Has he been wearing a condom? If she was worried about him screwing around on her and then.

1:02:45 Drew He's not wearing a condom, though.

1:02:47 The Crystal Method He's been pulling out for three and a half years.

1:02:48 Caller A lot of pulling out. What she worries is getting pregnant.

1:02:54 Drew That's it, period.

1:02:56 Caller You know, she don't think, oh, there's that chance. All right.

1:03:01 Adam No, but on the other hand, you know, if I'm a girl, I don't need someone finishing off in me. You know what I mean?

1:03:10 Drew But it's outside the box.

1:03:13 The Crystal Method Is she in an oral, his girlfriend?

1:03:14 Adam Let's see. Jimmy?

1:03:17 Caller I'm a five.

1:03:18 Adam Over here, buddy. Is she in an oral sex?

1:03:22 Caller Yeah, she does that.

1:03:24 Drew No, no, she like you to do it to her.

1:03:27 Caller Oh, yeah, she loves it.

1:03:28 Drew Okay.

1:03:29 Adam Good. She's fine.

1:03:31 Drew She's good times.

1:03:32 Adam Look, I do think that people take the pill. They're not aware of how effective it is, and they're just not going to tempt it. If there's nothing in it for her to finish up in her, let's get out of there. That's all.

1:03:46 Drew That's right.

1:03:47 Adam Nothing wrong with that. Like I said, I don't have a vagina, but sometimes I think, what if I did? I think, I wouldn't want anyone finishing off of me. And then you get up and it's, what, here we go. Yeah, we'll do that. And by the way, can you ever really get to the, I mean, you know what I'm saying? You're trying to clean a vagina, it's like trying to clean a coke bottle out. You know, I mean, you can only, you can rinse it out, but you can't really get up in there. You can't get up in there.

1:04:18 Drew No, and there's lots of folds and things.

1:04:21 Adam It's always going to be in there. It's going to be in there for a while.

1:04:24 Drew That's the idea.

1:04:26 Adam I know, but I'm saying it's like, I can't get any, I get a little bit of jizz on my belly. It's there for three weeks. I can't get it off of the, you know, hot water and a loofah. It's still there. It couldn't be, if it was up in me, it'd never get it out of me. That's all I'm saying. Maybe we should hear a Crystal Method song.

1:04:44 Drew Is it time?

1:04:45 Adam I think it's time. It's about time. I mean, we ran a little late with the first one. But doesn't mean we have to make that same mistake twice.

1:04:53 Drew Right?

1:04:54 Adam You know what I mean? Friends of the show. Brought a lot of Mexican food.

1:04:57 Drew Smells so good too.

1:04:58 Adam And this really is like 100 bucks worth of Mexican food too. Yeah, I'll be taking it home. And I'll be eating it too. You ever screw up and leave the stuff in your car?

1:05:09 Drew Sure.

1:05:10 Adam And then eat it?

1:05:11 Drew No.

1:05:11 Adam No, I eat it. I still eat it. Because my thing is like, hey, it was a cold night.

1:05:16 Drew Oh, one night you have done that.

1:05:18 Adam One night, yeah. It's a cold night. Hey, your car is just an ice box with wheels. It's a frigid air with the power steering. That's all cars. Originally, cars were called refrigerators.

1:05:29 Caller It's true.

1:05:31 Adam It's true. You see how the light goes off when you shut the door? Same thing. It's a rolling refrigerator.

1:05:37 Drew If we're gonna play it, we should play it. I love that.

1:05:42 Adam If we're gonna play it, we should play it. It's still better than the go to calls.

1:05:51 Drew All right.

1:05:52 Adam Let's hear something from the Crystal Method. I know everyone's thinking it. This is off the Legion of Boom and this is the American Way. Yeah, buddy, The Crystal Method. Legion of Boom is the name of the new CD. Going to be in San Francisco, doing a little signing on the 13th, 6 o'clock, that's on Stockton Street. If you're in the Bay Area, you can... Well, can you go to like the crystalmethod.com or something?

1:10:42 Adam The crystalmethod.com, yeah.

1:10:44 Adam Do that and find out where they're going to be. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:10:50 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:10:53 Caller Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll free 1-866-344-KNOW.

1:11:11 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Got Ken here tonight from The Crystal Method. Legion of Boom, name of the CD, and Drew's looking through something. What do you got there, Drew?

1:11:28 Drew This is a pertinent for the next call.

1:11:29 Adam All right, here we go. Look at Drew reading the board. Mike?

1:11:33 Caller Yeah.

1:11:34 Adam You're 20?

1:11:35 Caller Yes, I am.

1:11:36 Adam What's happening?

1:11:37 Caller Hey, not much, guys, I love the show.

1:11:39 Adam Thanks.

1:11:41 Caller My question is, I still live with my mom right now, and she's had genital herpes since, I think I was about 12 years old.

1:11:49 Adam You got to wear condom. You just, I don't care if she's your mom.

1:11:53 Drew And a dental dam.

1:11:54 Adam If you go down, come on, Drew, you won't go down on your mom, but you do have to wear condom. If you engage in anal, well, I'm just saying it's the same. It's a risk. Yes, Drew?

1:12:06 Drew Yes.

1:12:07 Adam All right. Any other questions, Mike?

1:12:10 Caller Well, I tried to stay safe on that. Can I contract that from-

1:12:15 Drew There's the crank-tickers call.

1:12:17 Caller Or could maybe I even pass it on to my girlfriend without even contracting it?

1:12:21 Drew No, no, no. You'd have to contract it to pass it along. Unless she got in contact with something your mom had been using. There is some risk of using, say, wet towels and that sort of thing, that it's on a moist surfaces, it could be potentially transmitted. Is she taking anything to reduce the outbreaks?

1:12:39 Caller Not that I know of. I'm not sure if she does not.

1:12:41 Drew What Adam was alluding to that I reached for here just before your call came on is an article just came out this week in the New England Journal of Medicine about valcyclovir, a medication for antiviral medication. Read it. Just once a day with that medicine, will significantly reduce the risk of transmission of herpes.

1:12:58 Adam I've seen the commercials, the chicks kick-boxing.

1:13:02 Drew If you are involved with somebody who has a genital herpes, it looks now finally we are able to prove that it will reduce the risk of transmission.

1:13:10 The Crystal Method Isn't this a little bit too much information between a mother and son?

1:13:14 Adam We got to look into this because once in a while, I've even learned not to ask what the procedure was when they go, you know, my neighbor Nora was in the hospital for a small procedure. That's great. That's great. I wish her well. God bless her. Because if you say anything, they're like, oh really? What's wrong with Nora? Floppy and tube exploded.

1:13:37 Drew Volvoplastics.

1:13:38 Adam Yeah, volvoplastics. Yeah, it's always something. I didn't want any down there. Discussion. I don't even like the menopause, you know, that it's all weird. It's all weird.

1:13:50 Drew I've got a story. Well.

1:13:51 Adam Yes? Well, think about it. All right, then well, because again, I don't need to hear this stuff about people's parents.

1:13:56 Drew It's a little different about the kids.

1:13:58 Adam Mike? Yeah. Well, let me tell you, you know, my grandmother, holy Christ, she, after my grandfather passed away about five years ago, she was grief stricken. They'd been together for like 40 years. And she said, everywhere I look, there's something that reminds me of him. I open the closet, I see his overcoat. I go into the den, I see his books. I open the medicine cabinet, I see the vaginal lube. I was like, oh, Jesus Christ. Really? Holy Christ. Are you trying to F with me, old woman? You F-ing with me? Is that what this is? You don't want me to beat off, come out and say it.

1:14:42 Drew Mike, how did you learn about your mom's infection?

1:14:44 Caller I sort of figured out exactly what she had myself because I was having a discussion with her a long time ago about why she divorced my dad. And he's a big alcoholic. And I had always known that. And she told me that he had given her some disease. And just over the years, I sort of put together. It wasn't really a mystery to me. I just sort of always thought he had done something horrible to her, like cheated on her. And I knew he had cheated on her once or twice eventually. And then I just sort of figured out he must have given her herpes or something like that.

1:15:21 Drew Well, why something like that? Yeah, I mean, why you had to jump to herpes?

1:15:24 Caller No, I asked her recently.

1:15:26 Drew Oh, and she said, yes, I have herpes?

1:15:30 Caller Well, she just said yes.

1:15:32 Caller I asked her if she had herpes.

1:15:34 Adam That's nice. This is by the way, why you need to move out at 20. Yeah. Because you don't need, you really, you don't need adults living in your house shaking you down, you know, hey.

1:15:45 The Crystal Method Well, when you run out of conversation and you're like, oh, nothing else to talk about. Well, what about that? You got to go to herpes.

1:15:51 Drew Or discharge. That story stopped hanging together.

1:15:53 Adam They're not hanging together?

1:15:54 Drew Stopped hanging together, yeah. Yeah. Little inconsistent, but let's move on. You want to bust him?

1:16:01 Adam What was your story?

1:16:03 Drew My kids found South Park. I didn't realize how raunchy that gets.

1:16:07 Adam They're in the South Park. I'm putting the lid back on the Mexican food because I'm eating it.

1:16:10 Drew And so, you know, I realized that if they're going to watch this, I got to watch it with them and sort of go over stuff and monitor it.

1:16:17 Adam Sure, you got to monitor.

1:16:18 Drew How old are your kids? They're 11 and yeah, it's a little rough for them. And I was taking them to school a couple days ago and my daughter starts, you know, they've got a band called Finger Bang.

1:16:27 Adam Oh, oh, sounds fun.

1:16:28 Drew Yeah, and she starts singing Finger Bang, Finger Bang, Back of the Car. And I go, hey, look guys, this is what I'm concerned about. I do not repeat the things you hear on South Park. We're going to have to watch this with you guys from now on. She keeps going, keeps going.

1:16:42 Adam And by the way, it's finger blasts, sweetie.

1:16:45 Drew And I go, look, for instance, you know, she starts going, what's the matter with that? It implies touching a vagina. And it barely came out of my mouth when my son started screaming at my daughter. Polina, you made me change my screen name, my instant message screen name to Finger Banger. I told you it was supposed to be screaming, going crazy. Turn the car around, we're going to go change it. Oh my God.

1:17:17 Adam No more coxmen. Now, hello Finger Bang.

1:17:22 Drew Wow. That's the influence of South Park.

1:17:25 Adam And then God bless Comedy Central.

1:17:28 Drew Yeah. A little peo about that, but yeah.

1:17:30 Adam Look, I don't even know what the hell, what the hell are you supposed to do these days? So it just gets in.

1:17:35 Drew You think, you think, that's cartoon, it's cartoon. What?

1:17:39 Adam No, mister.

1:17:40 Adam Yeah, it's got the M, MA.

1:17:43 Drew If you're not sitting there when the MA comes on.

1:17:46 Adam Yeah.

1:17:47 Adam Let me say this.

1:17:48 Drew 12 episodes later, I saw that.

1:17:51 Adam The foil take home container. That's, I'm sorry, I'm now, I'm on to this. I'm done with the finger banging.

1:17:59 Drew It's got to be reinvented, doesn't it?

1:18:01 Adam I don't know. This is the foil pie tin, essentially, with the plastic cap that goes on it. And the big breakthrough is that if you can get the plastic top back underneath it all the way around, which is about as easy as is threading a pair of sweatpants with the drawstring, you know, that's it. And then that's going to take you 40 minutes to bend.

1:18:22 Drew And hurt you if you cut your fingers off.

1:18:24 Adam And by the way, this, not going to make it in the microwave without catching on fire, sparks flying. If I really, we can't as a society, and all it takes is a little shot, little lateral force in the tacos and whatever the content is. But we got, I don't know if we got to start incorporating Velcro, I don't know what we got to do. We got to step out.

1:18:43 Drew We got to do better.

1:18:44 The Crystal Method They used to have that styrofoam and then you get home and it would spill over. So this is an improvement from what was there before, but still we haven't quite got there yet.

1:18:53 Adam This is why we need to like have some sort of symposium where we call the world's inventors and we put them all under one roof and we start explaining to them stuff like.

1:19:03 Drew A few things we need.

1:19:04 Adam Yeah, here's a few things we need. And we can say like, for instance, this, you know, I don't know, hold up a shoe. Leave it alone. We're done. We're done. Toilet seat, done. No more padding.

1:19:17 Drew I thought of an advancement in the toilet though.

1:19:19 Adam This needs work. We'll hold up the styrofoam one and we hold up the foil one and go immediately get to work on this.

1:19:25 Drew Now we live in a part of the country where water is a big deal. There's droughts and things in Southern California. And when Adam and I were growing up, tons of talk about the toilet, right? Remember that? Put a brick in your toilet. Don't flush the toilet. And don't flush the toilet. Why don't we have adjustable flushes? You know, a urine flush, a moderate poo flush.

1:19:44 Adam They have that all over Europe, right?

1:19:46 Adam Yeah, but not here.

1:19:47 Drew Yeah, there's two things. I saw that in a restaurant. I thought, oh my God, this is genius.

1:19:51 Adam Yeah, yeah, there's, you're right. I ate Mexican.

1:19:53 Adam It's like the half flush and the full flush.

1:19:55 Drew Is the urine flush? I ate Mexican.

1:20:00 Adam Yeah, there's the vegan flush. Yeah, this is, I had a little Tofutti and like a Nilla wafer flush. And then there's, we went by the smorgasbord at the Dunes. Flush, there's that flush.

1:20:15 The Crystal Method The Chimichanga chocolate cake flush.

1:20:16 Adam Yeah, Vegas buffet flush.

1:20:20 Adam La Cabanita flush.

1:20:23 Adam Yeah, I don't know why they wouldn't do that. Well, look, I do my part. I pee in the sink. I've been saying it for years. You're right, you're right, you're right. I stand by it. I'm an American. It's what I do. All right, ready to keep her all in here? Yeah, don't get me started on the toilet straw. Dave?

1:20:41 Caller Yes.

1:20:41 Adam You're 21?

1:20:43 Caller Yes.

1:20:44 Adam What's up?

1:20:45 Caller I'm having some discomfort with my testicles.

1:20:49 Caller Both of them? Yeah, when I'm sleeping and when I'm sitting.

1:20:53 Caller Well, hold on.

1:20:54 Adam I got to get the other lip underneath the foil thing over here. It's going to take a few minutes. You have needle nose pliers?

1:21:01 Drew You know, that thing, there's nothing, there's no name for that thing.

1:21:05 Adam No, it is. It's the S word.

1:21:08 Caller It's S. It's S.

1:21:09 Adam It's an S container.

1:21:10 Drew Because I was thinking, how do you describe it? If you don't, pie tin is not quite what it is.

1:21:14 Adam It's a foil pie tin with a lip on it and a bad plastic cap.

1:21:18 Drew It doesn't...

1:21:19 The Crystal Method We can put them all in the, maybe two.

1:21:21 Adam Too light, too light. Too light.

1:21:23 Drew Too light. All right, so Dave, here's the most common reason for aching testes would be epididymitis or prostate problems or... There's other things like that that can occur. But it's something that needs to be checked out. You might try to add vill in the meantime. It can be infection sometimes. And if it's on one side more than the other, you worry about things like torsion, twisting of the testes or even tumor sometimes.

1:21:44 Caller That's what I was worried about is it might be twisting. Would I definitely know if they were twisted?

1:21:49 Drew Well, they wouldn't both twist. It'd be one side and then it hurts like hell.

1:21:53 Adam Yeah.

1:21:54 Caller Oh, really?

1:21:54 Drew Yeah. It'll go up in your abdomen and it's a bad time.

1:21:58 Adam It's bad times. You would know that.

1:22:00 Drew But it is something that should be checked out for you, right? In the meantime, you said it's bad at night. Wear like those support underwear, like briefs.

1:22:06 Caller Really?

1:22:06 Drew Helps at night?

1:22:07 Caller I wear boxers and it only hurts when I'm laying on my side.

1:22:11 Drew Well, wear the briefs. It helps some support, the lymphatic drainage.

1:22:14 Adam Look, I've never been cool enough to wear the boxers. And my problem with the boxers is they feel like, they feel like they're riding up and the fly always comes open.

1:22:24 Drew And outcomes.

1:22:25 Adam Your dork starts hanging out inside your pants, which is bizarre, is unnerving feeling. I'm just saying.

1:22:32 Drew The rest of it's crammed in your.

1:22:33 Adam Right. The brief part, to me, I like a little something. Otherwise, I don't know. To me, it's like, look, if you're just going to wear, once you just wear two pair of pants, then if you're going to wear the boxers. Like, I understand what that does. Like, here, your nuts and wieners can swing freely inside of this encirclement of cloth. Is it so you don't S up your pants? Or like, what, are you not wiping?

1:22:59 Caller Or what do you need to buy?

1:23:01 Adam I understand the boxers, other than, you know, you think you're going to get laid that night and you, you know, you want to look good when you're taking your pants off. But just for you, do you really, what's a boxer for?

1:23:12 Drew The boxer briefs.

1:23:13 Adam Yeah, boxer briefs.

1:23:15 Adam Yeah, the boxer, yeah, the boxer briefs. Yeah.

1:23:18 Drew The problem is that's confusing. And by the way, they're confusing.

1:23:20 Adam But let me say something about the boxer brief. And the boxer brief is essentially briefs with some leg on it. You know, they're sort of a cotton cycling shorts, basically. Boxers have been around 200 years, maybe 150 years. The briefs had been around a couple hundred years. They could have stumbled onto the boxer brief pre-1997, you know what I mean? I mean, somebody could have put that peanut butter and chocolate together in the 70s. I would have had a much better childhood with the boxer brief. Really, this is what we're working on. It took this many years to figure this out.

1:23:56 Drew If you're meeting of the world's experts and inventors, if they'd met sooner, you could have presented this to them, they would have solved it.

1:24:03 Adam That's right. That's right. That would have been a great example. Where were you jackasses? How come it took Calvin Klein and some sort of homoerotic epiphany to train this thing up on his yacht in 1996? What were you way holes doing? I was looking like an idiot, my tidy whities in junior high or having the boxers ride up my ass and having my penis hang out of the hole.

1:24:29 Drew But be fair, be fair, your mom's gonna pay nine bucks for a pair of underwear?

1:24:32 Caller Oh, no.

1:24:33 Adam The Corollas?

1:24:33 Drew Yeah, are you kidding?

1:24:34 Caller Are you kidding? Are you kidding?

1:24:38 Adam No, I mean, Marshall's carried the damaged seconds, the ones where, well, these ones are permanently inside out.

1:24:45 Drew One leg.

1:24:45 Adam These are inside out on both sides, or one leg is down to your knee, and the other one's up high up your thigh. And yeah, there would have been, these ones have been used, but you know, we got these from a hobo.

1:24:57 Drew Army surplus.

1:24:58 Adam Surplus, yeah, then they would have gone for them, sure. All right, let's say, or maybe if tough skins are super denim, if JC. Penney had come out their own crappy knockoff boxer brief, my folks would have gone for it. All right, we'll take, they're no idiots, by the way. We'll-

1:25:14 Drew Can't take them in.

1:25:15 Adam Yeah, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back with The Crystal Method.

1:25:21 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:25:41 Drew He's being driven crazy by medical headlines. There's no such thing as a medical headline. It does not exist. Because anything that is a breakthrough has to be reproduced over and over and over again, and then tried clinically, and then fit into sort of clinical standards and standards of care, and proven, have a track record. And if there's a breakthrough, every doctor knows it immediately, and starts using it. And then after six months of experience, then you say, okay, this is what we're gonna do from now on.

1:26:09 Adam The funny thing is when some medical companies produce their own new story, and then release it to the media, and the media basically just runs.

1:26:16 Drew It drives me insane.

1:26:17 Adam Runs the tape exactly the way it was.

1:26:19 Drew That's why I'm doing a lot of work with CNN right now, and I'm the anti-headline guy. Because there's not, I first observed this about 15 years ago, when they, maybe 12 years ago, when they decided antibiotics are gonna cure ulcers. Well, again, we've been treating these antibodies and these bacterial infections of the stomach for years before that headline came out. And it's an adjunctive, it just screws everybody up. There never will be a medical headline ever.

1:26:45 Adam Let me ask you this. How come they never come up with, here's what I'm saying. How come, you know, when I was a kid and I was playing popcorn or football, if you drank water, you'd cramp up. Don't drink the water. Rinse your mouth, spit it out. Then, of course, that goes to hydrate yourself. Then somehow that goes to people aren't drinking enough water. You should be drinking eight big tall tumblers of water every day. Now everyone's drinking a ton of water. They're drinking it in their car. They're carrying it with them. They're drinking at work. Everyone's now everyone's getting fatter and uglier. And all we do is drink water. And then there's also this, you know, it's all about carb loading. So you know, you should have a brand muffin for breakfast. You should have a hot cereal grain, high grain thing. At night, you should be eating pastas, all pastas and all carbs and all. Now that all goes away. And then it all slides into, we got to get proteins, all about protein. And then the fish oil is going to do. Just think about what a glass, think about this goddamn glass of wine they've been arguing over for 50 years. It's good for you, it's bad for you. It's good for you, it's bad for you. It's good for you, bad for you. Coffee, they can't figure out. MF and coffee, one minute it's good for you. By the way, I'm just not taking any chance. I'm drinking a lot of wine, a lot of coffee, and a lot of red meat. Because I don't want to take any chance. But the point is, they can't even decide on that. Yes, nothing's a headline. They just make it a headline. Say, hey everybody, glass of wine, turns out to be good for you. Then six months later, hey everybody, alcohol's been linked to. Hey everybody, you know, just shut the F up. They got nothing to say. And by the way, really it takes them this long to figure out that all these carbs are making people fat. I mean, we're well into the 80s and into the 90s and they're still talking about having big pasta dinners instead of having steaks or, you know, drinking tons and tons of water. We're well into the 80s and in the 90s and they're telling you to just drink tons of water. What's going on? Does anyone come up with anything decent?

1:28:38 Drew It's really the problem is we are too preoccupied. We're so spiritually vacant that we're so preoccupied with living forever. And then the idea is now I hear a lot of, oh, humans designed to live well past a hundred. Really, why don't we say that about our cats or our dogs? You know, they live 14 years and then that's it. That's it. That's it. And you try to make that comfortable in the disease process of aging later. You sort of stretch as long as you can and stignify and that's that. That's the way the human is too.

1:29:03 Adam To be fair, humans don't have to contend with the back being backed over while napping thing. That where as cats, that's a large. That's a killer. Yeah. I mean, where as we rarely.

1:29:15 Drew Cats don't smoke.

1:29:17 Adam Not my cat smokes. Yeah. Well, my cat dips. You see, I got him off the, I got him off the amazing smokeless tobacco. Not only, it turns out less than five percent of humans are backed over while napping. I mean, cause of death wise, it's more heart failure and things like that. But cats, it's up there. And always kind of funny when you do your own cat. I mean, let's face it, everyone smiles just a little bit when he's like, yeah, the kids are heartbroken. What am I backed? I was running late for work. I backed up stuff. It's always a little bit funny, right? You're back over anything? Marla? Hello? Let me ask you a question, Marla. All right. I don't need Marla for this. I'll just pose it to the room. I was thinking about this the other day. What percentage of people have hit something living in their car? And I mean, I'm talking about a deer, a raccoon, a bird, a pigeon, a ran over something, backed over something. And if we do decide that most people will or most people have, and maybe there's one guy that has them, but there's another guy who's killed like Noah's Arkworth animals in his truck. What is the average age? What's the average age? The average driver says, I've run over something that was alive.

1:30:33 The Crystal Method Twenty five.

1:30:33 Adam I was thinking twenty four. So it's called twenty four and a half. Scott, Ken, any any thoughts on that?

1:30:39 The Crystal Method I think it depends on what part of the country live in. I think if you're living in the middle of.

1:30:43 Adam But most of the whole thing.

1:30:44 Drew We're talking about males, though, because most males have hit the road at one point or another between sixteen and twenty five. It's usually when you're driving eighty miles an hour in the middle of nowhere. You hit something.

1:30:54 Adam Yeah. I've yet to run anything over, by the way.

1:30:57 Drew I hit a bird. Fly across the road in like Nevada or something.

1:31:01 Adam Yeah.

1:31:02 Drew And it just flew right in.

1:31:03 Adam So you got one kill. I've seen the bird sticker on the side of your car.

1:31:09 The Crystal Method That should count for like double. It's hard hitting a bird.

1:31:11 Drew And it hit like the old Z car. It hit those two rubber bumpers in front. Hit one of those rubber bumpers.

1:31:19 Adam They slow down or do anything?

1:31:22 Drew We're going to slow down.

1:31:26 Adam Scott, you hit anything? No, not yet. No, me neither. Maybe it's older than 24 and a half. It could be older. We're going to look in this. But nationally, yeah, you're right.

1:31:36 Drew OK, Marlon, now you got one minute.

1:31:38 Adam Sorry. Have you ever hit anything in your car, Marlon?

1:31:41 Caller Well, I was in a car with someone else driving and they ran over a bunny once and then somebody else hit a raccoon.

1:31:47 Adam That you're in, so it's like you're some kind of curse. Maybe. Some sort of nature, vehicular curse.

1:31:53 Drew So what's up?

1:31:54 Caller I have a question for Dr. Drew. OK, my boyfriend, he is probably a sex addict. He says he was diagnosed with that when he was younger. And he yells and screams and has all these outbursts, you know. And he says it's because he's not getting enough sex. But I don't really feel like sleeping with somebody who's yelling at me all the time.

1:32:15 Drew Understandable.

1:32:16 Caller It's not about the sex. It's about anything he can possibly think of. And he just fires off these horrible insults. You know, just anything he can grab.

1:32:23 Drew This is much more than just sexual addiction. Is he an addict to something else right now, too? Yeah, Marla, this is about that. Sex may be a piece of the big addiction sort of menu here, but he needs to get in the 12 step program. And this year relationship may not survive his disease. All you can do, the only thing you can do to get through this and to increase the probability that he will get into treatment.

1:32:46 Adam Blow him.

1:32:47 Drew Go to Al-Anon. Go to Al-Anon and just get a sponsor yourself, work a program that may get through to him.

1:32:54 Adam By the way, treat this guy like a little, you know, he's a lemon. I mean, he's just 26, it's fine. If you don't have a bunch of kids, just go find a new guy. We'll be back.

1:33:04 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

1:33:05 Caller Look in the hookup, call the date line.

1:33:07 Caller Stick a waste in time with the wrong person.

1:33:09 Adam Call the date line.

1:33:10 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:11 Caller Call the date line. 1-877-889, date.

1:33:45 Adam Well, that's the show, everybody. I want to tell you to all go out and buy a leech and a boom. This Crystal Message, a message, The Crystal Method is a friend of the show, they bring up quality Mexican cuisine into the studio almost every time, and they, that stuff doesn't grow on trees. In other words, you buy the CD, they buy the Mexican food. You stop buying the CD, the red sauce dries up. Yes, Drew?

1:34:15 Drew Sure. Apparently.

1:34:16 Adam All right, God bless you too. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:34:22 Drew You made me change my screen name, my instant message screen name to Finger Banger.

1:34:30 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Sunday, January 11, 2004