Episode 1000586510969

0:58 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:00 Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Adam Hey, yo, it's the best of Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

1:06 Drew He made the very best of Loveline.

1:09 Well, this would qualify for that.

1:10 Drew Yeah, this is it.

1:11 Voiceover Andy Dick coming in tonight. Also, Trista from Bachelor. Yeah. And 311. 311, man. I'm probably broken up. 311, Jack Black and Kyle Gass from Tenacious D. So, big night. Let's get it started with Andy Dick. Here, buddy. It's Loveline. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Andy Dick in the house, Drew. You go, girl. You go, girl.

1:45 Drew He would be in the house.

1:47 Adam In the house.

1:48 Drew House, in the house. Dr. Drew in the hissy.

1:51 Adam No whiter woman than Jan Carl, by the way, if anyone knows Jan Carl, who does a little inner. I think she's on Entertainment Tonight, used to do local news. Good-looking, seems affable, but no whiter woman. And the second whitest woman is Kim Cattrall. You go, girl. It's such a disaster. Andy Dick, everybody.

2:14 Did you see Cynthia Nixon?

2:16 Adam No, I didn't. Oh, yes, I think I did.

2:18 She's also from Sex and the City. I like her a lot. I did a movie with her called Advice from a Caterpillar. And during that time, I spent about a month with her. I wrote a limerick. I haven't really written a lot of limericks, but this one just came to me. You want to hear it? About Cynthia Nixon. The redhead from Sex and the City. It doesn't make sense, and it's not true at all, but it just rhymed. So I liked it. And you know, limericks are supposed to be nasty.

2:45 Yeah.

2:45 There once was an old actress named Nixon who was known as the Great Broadway Vixen because she was on Broadway like nine times. There was at one point she had two Broadway shows going at the same time. She was in Act One of one and Act Two of the other. She ran downtown to the next one. I swear to God. So let me start over.

3:05 Adam Let me just say this. When I do There Once Was a Man from Nantucket, I don't stop and go. That's on the Eastern Seabourn.

3:12 You have to know about her. Listen. Okay. Ready? There once was an old actress named Nixon. I love that right away because she's not really old. We really got her. There once was an old actress named Nixon, who was known as the great Broadway vixen. When going for parts, she used all her smarts, which included the shoving of Dixon.

3:33 Drew She must have loved that. She must have loved that. She must have truly moved.

3:39 Adam Andy just gave us a bizarre sort of, what would you call it? Macabre, deviant meets macabre look.

3:47 Oh, I love that.

3:48 Adam I mean, Andy Dick, just asleep is scary enough, but when he gives you the sort of macabre, that one eyebrow, that Vincent Price look when he would turn to the camera.

3:58 That's weird that you said Vincent Price, because earlier this evening here, I felt very like Vincent Price.

4:04 Really? I did.

4:05 I didn't say anything about it. Yes.

4:09 Adam True. Have I ever mentioned Vincent Price on the air?

4:12 No, and I've never felt like him before. He must be here. That's freaking weird. He could be here with us. And we have a song for later, though. Let's help some people.

4:23 Adam Let's do that.

4:24 Blair? Yeah, how are you guys doing?

4:26 Adam You're 20. What's up?

4:27 Caller I'm 20. Back when I was eight years old, me and this girl, we played doctor and had a little crazy fun like kids do. And I'm wondering if because of that, I may have some pedophile tendencies.

4:43 Drew Well, playing doctor is usually sort of an exposing of oneself to one another. It doesn't, it's not sexual, and it's not directed towards intercourse.

4:52 Caller Okay, yeah, we didn't have intercourse, but we just like fooled around.

4:56 Drew What does that mean?

4:57 Caller Looked at each other's, you know, private parts and played kind of like house and stuff like that kid.

5:03 Drew What does that mean?

5:04 Caller What does what mean?

5:05 Drew What does that mean, playing house?

5:06 Caller Oh, like a dad.

5:07 Drew Yeah, but Andy, you're not making the case strong for him.

5:10 Caller I'm the dad, she's the mom, or I'm the dad and she'd come home and I'd like spank her and stuff like that.

5:17 Adam That's all right.

5:18 Drew He'd spank her.

5:19 Adam But listen, hold on a second. That's not why you're into young chicks.

5:22 Drew Well, he's wondering if he got abused or some sort of...

5:25 Adam Well, I mean, here's the thing. Eight-year-old guys... Eight-year-old. Dudes, lads. No, here's the thing. Eight-year-olds are very curious. And they do that show me mine and I'll show you your stuff. And then as they go on, that guy becomes... He becomes curious about 12-year-olds and then 15-year-olds and then 20-year-olds. And then when he becomes a producer in his forties, then he goes back down to 17-year-olds again. But you should, at age 20, be interested in 20-year-olds, if not 27-year-olds. Anything you can get.

5:54 Caller I am also, but like, you know, if I see... It's not so much eight-year-olds, but like, I'm not... I don't hesitate to look at like a 12-year-old to a 16-year-old and like, you know...

6:05 Adam It's all right, but what is that? I mean, look, you...

6:08 Caller That's different.

6:09 Drew You don't act on it, though.

6:10 Adam You don't do anything.

6:10 Caller No, I don't act on it, but sometimes, like, I'll fantasize or masturbate to it.

6:13 Caller But sometimes there's a 15-year-old that really, she looks like she's 21. That's just, yeah.

6:19 Adam Let's face it.

6:20 Caller There's nothing wrong. Just don't do anything, because you'll get... You were going to go to jail.

6:23 Drew You were going to say something about your history.

6:25 Caller Well, I did all that. I played doctor. There was a girl named Kathleen when I was little, and she insisted on playing a game called the Bad Piano Teacher. And she was teaching me how to play the piano, but then we'd always wind up naked.

6:42 Adam Sure.

6:42 Caller Well, that was when I was nine or seven.

6:44 Adam I guess a bad piano teacher would work that way.

6:47 Drew That's when he was nine or seven or three.

6:48 Caller And then doctor, and we played stripper.

6:50 Drew Same woman, same role.

6:51 Caller And I did the same games with my guy friends. I mean, I played game. I mean, I played butt bongos with what? Sure. Yeah. I remember I have a vivid memory of before being in first grade, I must have been in kindergarten of having all my friends lined up on on like a picnic bench playing butt bongos on their bare asses and my mom tapping on the back window going, no, no, no, no. Like shaking her head and wagging her finger. No, no, no, no, no, no. I can still see that. And I mean, me thinking, what's wrong with this little harmless butt bongo on my friend's asses?

7:25 Adam This is in South Carolina?

7:27 Caller No, I think no, that was in Connecticut. I've lived in like nine different states. Well, I think there was a whole couple of years that I do not remember where I was sent away. I was first of all, I was adopted. You know that. Oh, you were? Yeah, I was adopted.

7:41 Adam I didn't know that.

7:43 Caller Right away. Like at birth. Yeah.

7:46 Adam Have you ever gotten contact?

7:47 Caller Yeah, I found my mom.

7:48 Adam You found her?

7:49 Caller She's in Lubbock, Texas.

7:50 Drew Oh, boy.

7:51 Caller I found her.

7:51 Adam When did you find her?

7:53 Caller Maybe only about five or less years ago.

7:56 Adam Did she know who you were?

7:57 Caller No, no, because she didn't. I mean, she knew who I was.

8:01 Adam Yeah, that's what I mean.

8:02 Caller Yeah, she, she or or or she quickly found out. Like she hadn't been watching. I think she had seen news radio, if that's what you're talking about. Yeah. But she didn't know that that was me.

8:12 Adam But but she knew it must, I mean, it's got to be looking when it was awkward for both of us. Yeah. But when the kid is somebody who you've seen on TV, who's a personality comes up to you, it's got to be bizarre on bizarre.

8:26 Caller I bet this questionnaire probably has a lot to do with that kind of stuff, you know, because, you know, you're you're in the womb for nine months and you get and there's a bond that's formed and then you get taken away. That was shocking. So you got to remember that I think I went, you know, I've done a lot of therapy and other things and I've had that kind of panicky, horribly panicky, like I'm going to die kind of feeling when if somebody goes away and doesn't come back.

8:53 Adam So hold on. You were adopted from the beginning.

8:57 Caller And but then I was sent away a couple years into it because my mom didn't she she wanted somebody else to help teach me how to, you know, to be potty trained, how to like go to the bathroom in a toilet.

9:10 Drew What?

9:11 Caller Yeah.

9:12 Drew Sent you away?

9:13 Caller Sent away to like a grandparent.

9:15 Adam Cramp Academy?

9:16 Caller That was creepy.

9:18 Drew Oh, they like.

9:18 Caller Well, I don't remember that part. That's just great.

9:23 Adam So okay. So when did you find out? Oh, quiet down.

9:26 Caller All I remember is picking eggs from the barn. Picking out eggs.

9:31 Adam When did you find out you were adopted?

9:34 Caller Oh, I knew my whole life.

9:36 Adam But did you know when you were two?

9:38 Caller Yeah. There was a book laying around, a children's book called The Chosen Child. So they tried to like put that spin on it. Right. Like you're the special chosen one.

9:47 Adam Your mom didn't want you. You're so special. Your biological mom. Yeah, they did.

9:50 They didn't put that part in there.

9:52 Caller They put that somebody picked you out of a bunch of them. We wanted you out of all these others. But then as you grow up, you realize, yeah, what about the one that there was somebody out there who didn't want me? Right. Right. That's the part they leave out.

10:05 Adam Yeah.

10:05 Caller Well, then you have to do that later. That's fine. I'm looking. Hey, look, I'm fine.

10:10 Adam No, no, you landed on your feet, buddy.

10:13 Caller Not quite. Not quite.

10:14 All right.

10:14 Adam So you always knew you were adopted.

10:16 Like a cat.

10:17 Adam Now, do you think that's a good idea? I mean, I know it's hard to tell.

10:22 Caller You know what's good these days and it happens a lot are these open adoptions where the mother is in contact.

10:29 Adam I mean, if they can handle that, you think you would have liked that? That would have liked it.

10:34 Caller That would have been cool because my my mother, who I just met recently, might have been the one to potty train me. And that would have been cool.

10:42 Drew That's a fantasy, though, because the reality is she's the one that she gave me the birth.

10:46 Caller She was 17.

10:47 Adam Well, now, OK, so when you saw your when you once contacted and found your biological mother, was she hard to find?

10:55 Caller Yeah, it took me years.

10:56 Adam And and you did find her and then she recognized you from TV. It must have been bizarre for her because she didn't know that's who you were. Yeah, that was what was her last name.

11:05 Caller What what name Tomlinson that I would have been, you know, she probably wouldn't have named me Andy. So I would have been probably 50, 50 chance. Something Tomlinson and my head writer on the Andy Dick show is Tomlinson.

11:18 Adam And you found her. Now, do you stay in touch with her?

11:21 Caller Rarely. I don't know why.

11:23 Adam Is it?

11:24 Caller I just don't.

11:25 Adam When you guys left, how was she doing?

11:27 Caller Last time I talked to her.

11:30 Adam Well, I mean, was it sort of a disappointment? Was there fantasy?

11:33 Caller Yeah, it was like it wasn't all it was crap. I thought it would explain a lot. I thought it would close doors, open other doors. Things would come into focus. Everything would fall into place and I had closure. All those terms and nothing really happened.

11:47 Drew Of course.

11:49 Caller Right.

11:52 Drew Right.

11:53 Caller I was raised by two other people that I consider my parents.

11:56 Drew I've never heard, I've never heard of parents sending kids away. So far in American history, there's never been a high school age, non-potty trained child.

12:06 Caller Yeah, I know.

12:06 Drew With a normal brain.

12:08 Caller I'll tell you, I think it did.

12:10 Drew You can't handle potty training.

12:11 Caller It did more damage than good. You've already been abandoned once. And in the end, I wet the bed till, you know, I think I stopped two months ago.

12:19 Adam I was a bed wetter myself.

12:20 Caller Till when? I mean, I really wet the bed till late.

12:23 Adam I think.

12:24 Caller Till I had my first girlfriend. Oh, no, he did.

12:26 Drew I was a girlfriend.

12:28 Caller Oh, well, I did, too. Yeah, that being drunk doesn't count.

12:31 Adam Plus, she had it coming. I mean, she was kind of asking for it. I mean, she was asleep, but it's the way she was asleep. I know by women's, I know by person's sleeping posture when they're asking for number one and when they're asked for number two.

12:44 Caller Hot Carl. But yeah, I did the same thing.

12:48 Adam All right. Well, look at Andy.

12:50 Caller Were you abused?

12:51 Adam No, I was neglected. I was neglected.

12:54 Caller I was neglected as well.

12:55 Adam Not abused, just neglected. Although I find that a form of abuse.

12:59 Caller Oh, it is. Yeah, it is. I'm trying to stop that that cycle with my kids. That's what I'm trying. That's why I want to move in closer.

13:05 Drew That's why it leaves in Pasadena. I never see them.

13:08 Caller Oh, I'm trying to move in closer to Topanga because they're still very young and it would be nice to see them more often.

13:15 Adam Dan.

13:15 Hi.

13:16 Adam You're 18.

13:17 Caller Yeah. I was wondering. I was watching news radio and I was wondering, what was it like working with Phil Harman?

13:24 Caller He was great.

13:25 Caller Yeah, because you passed away and I just started getting into news radio and I really liked the reruns.

13:31 Caller Yeah. Well, he was just great. He was like the best person you could ever want as your friend. To me, he was like the father that I never had. I wasn't very close to my father, so the guy that adopted me. I respected him and looked up to him, but I didn't see him much.

13:48 Drew What did your biological mother say about your biological father?

13:52 Caller I'd never have met him. I plan on meeting him. I plan on putting that on TV.

13:57 Drew Could she tell you who he was? Yeah.

13:58 Caller That would make good TV. She said he was an amateur boxer and a bricklayer and claims that I'm not his.

14:06 Adam Oh, really?

14:07 Caller That didn't happen.

14:08 Adam You just seem a little too sharp to come from that dull of mind.

14:13 Caller No, but maybe he's a smarty.

14:14 Maybe.

14:15 Caller I want to meet him. I think that'll be really interesting.

14:18 Adam And what about back to Phil Hartman?

14:21 Caller Real quick. So he used to take... He took me under his wing. Yeah. He gave me advice. I would go to him for advice. He would, you know, we actually... I would go to his house for holidays and not everybody... No one in the cast did.

14:38 Adam How did his wife seem?

14:40 Caller She was awesome. She was. And she was nine years sober. Really? Yeah, she had solid sobriety. And you know, back then, I was, you know, I think Phil maybe smoked a little pot maybe, but not much. He was a clean guy. You know, barely drank. He just had... He really liked old cars and he liked his airplane and he had toys like that. And he was just the greatest, kindest, most generous and funny guy you could ever, ever, ever want to know.

15:11 Adam Well, there's a, there's a couple of guys I, you, you miss. I mean, whenever someone dies before their time, it's a tragedy. But there's guys whose work you miss. And in comedy, there's not too many of them, really. I mean, you know, Chris Farley, I'm sorry he's gone, but I don't miss his work. I didn't need to see...

15:30 Caller I like him.

15:30 Adam I didn't need to see Beverly Hills Ninja 3 or anything like that.

15:33 Caller I think he was funny.

15:34 Adam All right. He had his moments, but the point is, is Phil Hartman. I missed the guy's work.

15:40 Caller Yeah, he was funny.

15:41 Adam The guy, you know, when he was on SNL and when he would do his voiceover stuff on The Simpsons and stuff, he was really good.

15:50 Drew He was on the Pee Wee Herman Show, too.

15:53 Caller He loved to work. He loved to work. And you know who also was like that was John Ritter, because we were on the same night, so I got to know him. He was also on news radio. John Ritter had like a five arc story on news radio where he came in as a therapist to help out in the workplace and just kind of just like Phil, generous and kind and loving. You know what it is? I think I really do believe this. They get to go to heaven because they're just great people. They get to go to heaven. We have to stay here hell on earth.

16:23 Adam Yeah. Ritter was I did a pilot with Ritter.

16:26 Caller Wasn't he nice?

16:26 Adam He was a great guy. And I just I was just sitting around thinking Yasser Arafat been in the been in the Captain Kirk seat for like 42 years, Fidel Castro's been in office for like 45 years, John Ritter. Pow! He's gone. Really? This is how it works. John Ritter's got to go. Fidel Castro and Yasser Arafat just they just keep going forever, boy. They just keep going. Princess died. John Ritter. You guys are out. Arafat, Castro, Khomeini, you guys keep keep a rolling.

17:01 Caller Keep the party going.

17:02 Adam Really? That's the plan. Idi Amin, you go in your nineties.

17:08 Caller You go, girl.

17:09 Adam You go, girl. I mean, you realize like like John Ritter's, you know, die, you know, Phil Hartman, I don't know what he is. Late 40s, early 50s when he goes.

17:18 Caller Yeah, like around 50.

17:19 Adam John Ritter, mid 50s when he goes. Whoever these these guys going in their late 40s, early 50s, you know, Fidel Castro just getting started at 50, boy. He had, you know, I mean, he was just just just coming into his own. And you know, Yasser Arafat, these guys are just coming in, just getting their business going in their later 40s, mid 40s. And nothing ever stops them. Nothing. No valve. Nothing pops off. Nothing. They just keep going and going and going. And they don't get they're they have the most dangerous job in the world. They never get assassinated. Nothing ever happens. No, no plane crashes, no booby traps, no bombs in suitcases, no hitmen. No poisoning, no nothing. Just that you're just you're living your Yasser Arafat. You're living in the most volatile region of the world and you're just sitting on the throne for 40 years. Nothing. Jesus Christ.

18:11 Caller It's not fair.

18:12 Adam John Ritter, POW! Great. That is a great plan. But God's got a plan. Don't question. Don't question. There's a reason he's taken John and Yasser is going to celebrate his 50th anniversary over there. There's a reason. Don't ask. There's a reason. Believe me, there's a reason. We don't know. Very important reason. He needed John. He doesn't need Yasser. Yeah, he did. He needs John.

18:38 Caller He wants the fun one.

18:39 Adam He wants the fun one. He doesn't need Yasser up there. Holly?

18:45 Hello?

18:45 Adam You're 17?

18:47 Caller Yeah.

18:48 Adam What's up? I'm so sorry. The street sweeper, wait, you're calling from Chicago, it blows by at 1 in the morning?

18:59 Caller Yeah, unfortunately. Okay. Do you have my info in front of you, everyone?

19:07 Drew Go ahead. Tell us about it.

19:09 Caller My boyfriend is 21 and I'm 17 and I've been with him for about 6 months and I trust him completely, but we just had sex like 4 weeks ago maybe and that's basically why I trust him, but I went and met his parents a couple of days ago and he told them that I'm 19 and he's been telling all his friends that I'm like older age and they don't know that I'm still in high school and I'm really not sure whether or not I should stay with them.

19:42 Adam How old is he, 18?

19:44 Caller He's 21.

19:44 Adam Oh, 21.

19:45 Drew Maybe he's concerned about the legal issues here, Holly, that somebody's going to call him on.

19:51 Caller I'm really not sure if I should stay with them or not because it's hard for me to decide whether or not I should stay with them because he's not my parents but they don't know how old he is. They just assume that he's still in high school but he's not. He's in the second year of college.

20:08 Drew At 21, he's only been in college two years?

20:10 Caller Yeah.

20:11 Adam It seems like too much college for 21 from where I'm from Drew. He still sounds like an old school age. Well, wait a minute. You want to break up with him because he's lying because he's sort of trying to protect himself legally?

20:22 Caller There's other things too.

20:25 Drew All right.

20:26 Adam Then break up. Then break up.

20:27 Drew He's got to be a bad guy.

20:29 Adam Here's the whole thing. If you're a 17 year old chick and you're calling us and you want to know if you should break up then you should break up because at 17 you should be writing your first name with him with his last name and seeing how it would sound. Holly Fagenbaum-Rosberg, yeah.

20:53 Drew It's also relationships aren't supposed to last forever at that age. If you're not feeling right, one thing you don't know how to do is end the relationship and if it's feeling uncomfortable or not right, get on with it.

21:03 Adam Andy please stop flipping through that. Andy's looking at the book that Dr. Alter brought with the guys getting their dongs cut off and it's a disaster. Put it this way, every one of those pictures looks like someone just dropped an M-80 in their underpants. Isn't that what it looks like?

21:21 Caller It really does.

21:22 Adam It's a very. It really does. They're sane people, all those people. They just needed their penises cut off. All right, Andy is going to do a song for us. I think we're going to take a break for a second. When we come back. Yes. He's going to do one. I request it, I believe.

21:40 Caller Oh, well, we have a new one that will be your new favorite.

21:43 Adam Oh, so I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I will be requesting this song two years from now.

21:49 Caller Yeah.

21:49 Adam And then you'll be refusing to play it and play a new one.

21:52 Caller Yes.

21:52 Adam OK, this is an interesting cycle. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

22:05 Caller Trista Loveline.

22:07 Adam Don't bother calling. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. And next up, a guest I barely remember.

22:13 Drew Oh, yeah. Come on.

22:14 Adam But she had to be good or she wouldn't have made the best of.

22:16 Drew She was good.

22:17 Adam Trista Rehn. It's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Trista is our guest tonight. She's the bachelorette. Dr. Drew. Big into Trista. I know his type. But Trista, I think a little more into the name of him because I'm rugged, you know what I mean?

22:41 You're rugged.

22:42 Drew He's good around the house.

22:43 Adam Yeah. Oh, yeah.

22:44 But I am a physical therapist, so the whole doctor thing. No, I like it.

22:51 Drew And you had it specifically in pediatric physical therapy?

22:55 Caller Yeah.

22:56 Drew That was after you did physical therapy licensing, you did a sub-specialization?

23:01 No. I went to physical therapy school, got my master's and then got my first job was in pediatrics.

23:05 Drew So you just became specialized there through on the job?

23:08 I did my clinicals, a couple of them in pediatrics. And that's why. Where did I do? I went to Riley Hospital in Indianapolis and at a couple of different places, but it was very short term. But Miami Children's had a spot and they only accept, I mean, they don't take really entry level people all that often if they don't have pediatric experience. But since I had this clinical experience, they thought, you know, we'll take it.

23:34 Drew Is this kids with chronic disabilities or?

23:36 It's all all varieties. I treated both outpatient and inpatient, I'd see post op kids, I'd see cardiac kids. I went in the NICU, I saw syndromes and developmental delay, prematurity, everything.

23:50 Adam And now screw the kids, you got to do a corresponding for extra.

23:54 No, I really want to do something with kids after, yeah, whether it's volunteering or going back to pediatrics.

24:00 Adam We can sign their autographs on the way to your mansion.

24:03 I really want to have kids sing on my life.

24:05 Adam Now listen, Drew turned his back on the community and stomped on this hippocrane goat as well. It's all right. You guys are going to make a buck. Now let's see, Kevin over here, who's 13, has got a question for Trista. Kevin? Hey.

24:20 Well, before I start, I just want to say that you're my god and hero and all that.

24:24 Adam Thank you.

24:25 Drew That's always very scary to hear from a 13-year-old.

24:27 Adam Thank you.

24:27 Well, and I really look up to you and the things you do in life, and people should respect you more because you worked hard to get where you are today.

24:34 Adam You're damn straight. Damn straight I did.

24:36 Drew People should respect him more.

24:37 Adam Yeah, people don't respect me enough, Drew.

24:39 Drew Really? Everyone listen to Adam.

24:41 Adam Where I come from, through with his silver spoon in his mouth, his daddy paying his way into school, taking care of him, doing his homework for him. Not me.

24:51 Drew Yes sir, Ms. Corolla.

24:52 Adam That's right.

24:54 All right. And it's a real honor to talk to you and thank you for being a great person.

24:58 Adam You're still talking to me?

25:00 All right.

25:00 Adam Well, what's your question?

25:01 One more thing, one more thing.

25:02 Adam Now, what do you want?

25:03 Caller All right, fine. Well, my question is for Trista, and I just wanted to know what qualities you like about Ryan better than Charlie.

25:14 What do I like in Ryan better than Charlie? Well, he is a painter and a poet, and I really like that he has that talent in him. And Charlie didn't really do that.

25:26 Adam He does that anima painting where they drink the... You never seen that?

25:31 Drew That's an anima painting.

25:32 Adam Oh, no, it goes up. Oh, yeah, sorry. Are you right? I got confused.

25:35 Caller I thought they just drank a gallon of that same paint.

25:39 No, he just paints for fun.

25:40 Adam Is he good?

25:41 He painted a picture for me. I thought it was pretty good. It's better than I could do. But it's not like professional. He doesn't do it.

25:47 Adam What is it with you bronze?

25:48 Drew What do you think? You may just kind of got that together just for the show. You know, we just started painting.

25:53 Caller Better yet. What do women care about this artistic craft?

25:57 Like you guys are whispering.

26:00 Drew No, no, don't be silly.

26:01 Adam Here's what I'm saying. If the guy can't turn a buck doing it, okay. There you go.

26:06 Drew For the show, we did it just to be able to make the hole, to fill out the hole.

26:22 Adam Here's what I'm saying. Here's what I'm saying. Here's my beef with the poetry. A guy who writes sort of mediocre poetry, let's say, and I'm not saying your man does, but in general, a guy who just writes mediocre poetry, and then there's another guy who builds furniture or builds houses or something. The guy who writes the mediocre poetry is going to get way more credit for being artistic than the furniture builder. And that's what I don't like. I don't like that in women.

26:51 Drew And I think as men, we don't trust the poetry.

26:54 Adam As men, we look at that guy and we go, pussy.

26:57 Drew No, not just pussy, but he's up to something.

26:59 Adam Is he doing something? Yeah. Well, if he's not, then we're really scared. Let's hope this is a plan to get some ass. Otherwise, we're in big trouble here, fellas. That's what we think of. But and we sort of think of, if we wanted to do that, we could do that. This is the same with the performance art and bad abstract painting.

27:18 Right.

27:20 Adam But our artistic thing is a good thing. You know, Drew sings.

27:22 It's a good thing.

27:23 Adam Drew sings opera.

27:24 I love singing. I love singers too.

27:32 Adam Jason. You're 19. What's up?

27:37 Caller I want to know.

27:37 No, no, no.

27:40 Adam Oh, yeah. You like singing, right? Every night under the balcony. Where the baby grand rolled onto the lawn. You come out in your negligee. Drew has a candelabra on top of the baby grand. He's wearing a tux. When he hits the high note, hits the high note, his vest curls up and rolls like a shade. You let your hair down. He grabs it and scales the lattice right up to the balcony. Sweeps you into the bedroom. Continues singing while he performs aural on.

28:47 You.

28:48 Caller That's talent.

28:48 Oh, that's what I'm saying about the man.

28:48 Caller I do. That's good. That's nice. All right.

28:49 Where were we? Trista had an orgasm story that Drew was talking to me about. We're going to get to that.

28:50 Caller We are. All right. Jason.

28:50 Caller And Adam and Drew, you are my heroes. I just love you. Thanks, Jason.

28:51 And I am a big fan of the Man Show and Crank Inc.

28:56 Caller We'll be coming out with a new Crank Inc.

28:58 Caller CD.

28:58 Drew This guy's got to be on a commercial for Crank Inc.

29:02 Adam will be on Comedy Central. The new season is going to start airing the beginning of March.

29:09 Well, I have got to see that. I am a big fan.

29:11 Adam Thank you. Well, if you liked it last year, you're going to love it this season. Well, there's a lot of Bertram this year, so thank you. What's your question?

29:23 What are the long-term effects of ecstasy?

29:27 Drew You know, very limited exposure can cause an injury to the brain and actually destruction of certain areas, very much like the use of long-term amphetamine. So the symptoms that people develop is panic attacks and depression and memory problems. And even ten, twenty, even sometimes five hits of ecstasy can create this injury. So it's quite serious. It's an area of the brain that seems to be getting just dissolved, quite literally.

29:57 And is it reversible?

29:59 Drew Some of it is. Most of it is not.

30:01 Oh.

30:02 Adam Hey, Jason.

30:05 Drew Some of the problems get better with time. Oh, really? So the theory is that maybe some of this is getting better. But a lot of it, they've been shown in monkeys that the injury itself persists for many, many years.

30:15 Adam Jason. Uh-huh? What's up with you? You got a crazy voice. You have a crazy nationality or crazy size?

30:22 I'm half Mexican and half American.

30:25 Drew No.

30:26 Adam That ain't doing it.

30:27 Drew You're wearing a retainer?

30:29 Adam There it is. Wow. You get that from wearing a retainer?

30:35 Drew He was like...

30:36 Adam Oh, was he clogging? Yeah, but that...

30:37 Drew No, he was talking like he had a thick tongue, and that's the retainer makes it look like that.

30:41 Mm-hmm.

30:41 Drew And what? Take the retainer out and talk to us. Here you go.

30:46 Take the can.

30:46 Caller Wait, wait, wait.

30:47 Drew Now say crank in.

30:48 Caller Yeah, the question was...

30:49 Adam Crank inker. Say it again?

30:51 Caller Crank inker.

30:52 Adam Yeah, see, it doesn't help, Drew. I mean, Drew, it was great. The retainer thing was a great guess, but I don't think it made a big difference. Well...

31:00 Drew I heard it.

31:01 Adam You didn't know that he had a retainer, did you? I heard it. You heard it clank.

31:06 Drew No, I heard the thick tongue thing.

31:07 Adam Yeah, but now he sounds exactly the same without it. Watch this. All right. Hey, Jason? I want you to quietly put the retainer in. We're doing two out of three here, too, Drew. It's a great radio. Jason, don't put the phone near your mouth. I don't want to know if the retainer's in or out. All right? You either put it in or you put it out. Don't even answer. Just nod your head. Yes? No, I said nod your head. Yes?

31:34 Drew There we go.

31:35 Adam OK. OK.

31:35 Drew Yes.

31:36 Adam Now.

31:36 Drew It's all right.

31:37 Adam We're going to do two out of three. You just say crank yanker or crank yankers. When we come back and you just tell me whether you don't tell me whether you have the retainer or not. But you remember yourself. OK. We'll see if Drew can tell.

31:51 Drew It's out now. I can tell. I can tell.

31:53 Adam OK. Just hold on. Hold on. You ready?

31:55 Drew All right. It's out now.

31:56 Adam Just quiet. Quiet. Please, Drew. Are you ready? You say crank anchors. Go ahead. In or out?

32:04 Caller Out. Out.

32:05 Adam Was it out? Now either put it out, leave it out again or put it in or do whatever you want. We'll try it again.

32:14 Caller Is that right?

32:15 Adam Science. Uh-huh. All right, Jason. Uh-huh. Go ahead.

32:20 Drew It's back.

32:20 Adam Oh, now it's in. Yeah. He had trouble to kick.

32:23 Drew I can hear when he breathes. I can hear.

32:25 Adam Was that in that time, Jason?

32:27 Drew It's crazy, but I can hear it when he's breathing. I can hear the...

32:30 Caller Yeah, you can hear it.

32:31 Adam All right, we're gonna do five out of nine.

32:33 Drew No, let's stop. Get an orgasm call here. Let's go.

32:36 Adam All right. One more time. Are you ready? Come on, Jason. Would you shut up? Now get focused this time. Okay, you ready?

32:48 Caller Uh-huh.

32:48 Adam Go ahead.

32:51 Drew It was in, and he took it out when it said crank anchor.

32:57 Trista, I am a big fan of you.

33:01 Caller You are so hot.

33:03 Caller Thank you very much.

33:04 How old are you, baby?

33:06 Caller How old am I, baby? I'm 30.

33:09 Yeah. All right.

33:10 Adam Shut up. But Jason sounds hot, right?

33:13 Caller He sounds like a puppet. He's a crank anchor's puppet.

33:16 Adam Looks like a marionette. He's 19. He's got a retina.

33:22 Caller Not turning you on, right?

33:23 Caller Mm-mm.

33:24 Adam Yeah. You better.

33:25 Caller I got a man anyway.

33:26 Adam Oh, you do?

33:27 Drew Off the show.

33:28 Adam One of the guys, right? Mm-hmm. Is it nice? I mean, the relief of sort of not having to... Well, I just mean not having this going to bed with question marks running around your head every night.

33:42 Caller But we haven't been able to be together because it's a secret.

33:46 Adam How long has it been since...

33:47 Caller Three months.

33:48 Adam Three months.

33:49 Caller Three months.

33:49 Caller Yeah.

33:49 Adam So that's got to be tough. You get right up to that point where you finally make that decision.

33:53 Caller It's like cruel. You know, here you can have this guy, but no, you can't have him for three months.

33:57 Adam How much time do you have together? They give you a day? Six weeks.

34:01 Caller Oh, you mean not for the show?

34:03 Adam Yeah. I mean, after, you know, there comes a point in the show where you make the final decision and sometimes that involves, you know, getting engaged. So obviously you'd want to be with the person.

34:13 Caller Right.

34:13 Adam Did they give you a week with the person before?

34:15 Caller They gave us four days after it ended and then we had a couple of rendezvous before the show started airing.

34:20 Adam Uh-huh. I see.

34:23 Caller But very, very, very secluded places and.

34:26 Adam And is that known? Does ABC have to be aware of that or?

34:30 Caller Oh, yeah.

34:30 Adam All that stuff.

34:31 Caller Yeah.

34:32 Adam And then once the show begins, there's no.

34:35 Caller It's very difficult to do it once the show starts because now people knew him because he could go to wherever we were going to go and not be recognized. But I was recognized from the previous show and from all the publicity from The Bachelorette. So it was a little bit harder once the show started.

34:56 Adam And so then after this Wednesday, it's a game on for you, too.

35:01 Caller Oh, yeah. We're going to be together on Wednesday night, two nights from now.

35:05 Adam And then you got a thing coming up on Thursday.

35:08 Caller Thursday is the Tell All special.

35:11 Adam Yeah. How does that work?

35:12 Caller Aaron and Helene are actually going to talk about what happened with them. Oh, the last bachelor.

35:18 Adam Yeah. I'll tell you what happened with them. You put a pox on them. That's what happened.

35:21 Caller What?

35:22 Adam Yes. You cursed them.

35:23 Caller I did not.

35:24 Adam Oh, wait a minute.

35:26 Caller That's the second one. No, no. Alex was the first one.

35:29 Caller Yeah.

35:29 Caller What did I have to do with Alex?

35:31 Adam You put a pox on, right?

35:32 Caller No.

35:33 Caller Yes.

35:33 Caller We've been dating for a year.

35:36 Adam I thought they broke up, Alex.

35:37 Caller They broke up like two weeks ago.

35:38 Adam Because you put a pox on them.

35:41 Caller I didn't have anything to do with it.

35:42 Adam And then Aaron, who's the second guy.

35:44 Caller He'll be talking about Helene and then I'll be, Chris Harrison, the host of the show, will be talking to me and my chosen one.

35:51 Adam Aaron didn't work out either with his girl?

35:53 Caller They just recently announced it. Well, you guys will see, actually, you know.

36:00 Adam You better get married to this guy.

36:01 Caller Well, it sucks because everyone compares the three of us, on how we met the person that we're with. And I think it needs to be compared on an individual basis. We're all separate relationships, even though we met in the same way. So I think that it'll be interesting to see our relationship compared to Aaron and Helene's and Alex and Amanda's because it's very different.

36:23 Adam And does, and we know it's between two guys. We got to go to break. When we come back though, I'm just curious, if whoever it is, it's one of the two guys, if they want to get into show business or move out here or do that, or they just want to go back to their life?

36:41 Caller We just want to go back to normal, some kind of normalcy after the show ends. We just, we're going to travel a little bit. We're going to take some time away from things.

36:48 Adam Did either one of these guys live in LA?

36:50 Caller Yeah, Charlie lives in Hermosa Beach.

36:52 Adam Oh, I think we got our answer. All right, we'll take a break and we'll be right back. Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Next up, a band that we really enjoy. Not only musically, but like the guys.

37:13 Drew Yeah, like their appreciation for the automobile.

37:16 Adam Yeah, they like those Mercedes. Here you go, everybody, 311.

37:30 Drew You guys gotta cover this.

37:36 Adam Like, I've done a little math. And I think I've done some preliminary calculations. In nine years, blacks are not going to speak English. It's going to be like when Kirk was trying to talk to aliens or something.

37:52 Drew His comments in no way represent the views of 311 or this radio station. Thank you.

38:00 Adam It started with the ebonic thing, which was fine, but now it's just gone into pure gibberish. I can't understand what's going on anymore. I think I like that song. I'm not sure what they're saying.

38:12 Drew We like the saxophone sample, for sure. Is it for Chizzle Dizzle?

38:17 Adam There's Drew, everybody. All right, 311 in studio tonight. Let's speak to...

38:25 Drew Cody, the 13-year-old, remember?

38:26 Adam Cody, the 13-year-old, who's a virgin. Hello?

38:31 Caller Yeah, my girlfriend has sex with me, matter of fact, tomorrow, and I don't know what I should do.

38:43 Adam Why tomorrow?

38:44 Caller That's early. That's young. She's like, really likes me.

38:48 Drew How old is she?

38:49 Caller Thirteen.

38:51 Drew It sounds like you're not quite ready for this. That's not the kind of thing you should jump into if you're not ready. If you ever decide, should I?

38:56 Adam Why not today? Why don't you do it today?

38:58 Caller Because it's like I'm grounded for something that I did, breaking a window and all that. And tomorrow we go to church and I get to see her then.

39:13 Adam Yeah, so give her a nice pew pounded.

39:16 Caller Yeah. She's all saying that, yeah.

39:22 Adam Hold on a second. What day is it?

39:27 Drew Church on a Wednesday.

39:27 Adam Yeah, well hold on. What day is it?

39:29 Drew Is that Catholic? You don't sound Catholic.

39:31 Adam What day is it in Oklahoma?

39:33 Caller It's the ninth right now.

39:35 Adam That's not the date. Every caller instinctively knows what I'm asking gives me a different answer.

39:44 Drew It is the ninth where he is.

39:46 Adam I know, but I'm asking what day meaning like Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, because that would pertain like you could go to church on the ninth if and that was a Sunday. You see what I'm saying? I don't think he's giving me a hard time. I just want to know how they know what I'm asking and give me a different answer.

40:06 I like your run on it, Doctor. If he's asking about it, you know, then he's probably not ready.

40:11 Drew Usually it's like you want to do it so bad.

40:14 Adam Well, what are you going to do when you see her at church?

40:19 Compliment her.

40:20 Caller Go up to her house and all that. We've like tried to do something before, but... We couldn't do it because we got interrupted.

40:29 Who interrupted you?

40:31 Caller My friends.

40:34 Adam And what grade are you in, Cody?

40:36 Caller The eighth grade.

40:37 Adam You're going into the eighth?

40:38 Caller Yeah.

40:39 Adam And she's going into the eighth?

40:41 Caller Yeah.

40:42 Adam Well, you're too young for this.

40:47 Professionals have told you this.

40:48 Adam You don't want to do it either, do you?

40:50 Caller I kind of do.

40:51 Adam Well, what about God and the church and all that stuff?

40:54 Drew Steer them towards the sea anemones. They might help. Yeah.

40:58 Adam How about you get a saltwater tank and go at it for a few years through high school like I did?

41:03 Caller They react. They have feelings.

41:05 Drew They squirt.

41:06 Adam They squirt, they love, they cry.

41:09 Yeah, I don't think you'll have any questions when you think you're ready, you know. And if you're being this smart about this important a question right now, you'll probably know for sure when you're ready. So keep up the good work, my friend.

41:23 Adam And what religion are you, by the way, that you go to the church on a Wednesday? You guys have Wednesday church?

41:31 Yeah.

41:33 Adam And Sunday?

41:34 Yeah.

41:35 Adam Oh, I'll be out. I'll be out immediately. Here's what I would do. I'm shopping for religion. I'm shopping for a religion because I'm an atheist and I'm leaning towards you.

41:46 Caller Rastafarianism.

41:47 Adam Yeah, what day they go to church?

41:50 Caller Every day is church. See, that's a deal breaker.

41:53 Adam Oh, but you don't go anywhere? Oh, it's church in your head? Yeah. Yeah, I want to get into one of those religions where I don't actually do anything, but it's all in my head, you know, but it's like people kind of leave me alone because they respect me because of my spirituality and stuff, but I don't really do anything. You know what I mean? You're there. Am I there? Yeah. I don't want to do one of those things where I've got to give away 10 percent of my income or any of that. And by the way, is that tidings? Is that what that is? That 10 percent, that should have a ceiling. You know what I mean? Like once you make over like 80 grand, it should just be eight grand. You know what I mean? So if you make eight million, you're still giving away eight grand. You know, it's ceiling, like a bracket. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

42:33 Drew Yeah, absolutely.

42:34 Adam Yeah, look that up. Mike? You're 21. Yeah, because it's cool when you're making 45 grand a year to give away that money. But you know, you hit it big. Your ship comes in and you're giving away a couple million a year or something. No, no thanks. No thank you. Mike? Yeah. Yeah. So they can afford lawyers to cover up some molestation trial or something? No thank you. What's up, Mike? 21.

42:57 Caller Oh, I have a question actually. I met this girl in April and I, you know, start to like her. And we've talked about it somewhat, but she says she doesn't want a boyfriend, but she acts like she wants to be like with someone, acts all clingy.

43:13 Adam Yes.

43:14 Caller And I've asked her if she'd ever want to hook up with me, but she'd give me the question of I don't know. But recently we just got into a big fight where we didn't talk for like two weeks.

43:22 Adam Yeah. Except for she didn't know it.

43:24 Caller Yeah. She's now back like talking to me, you know, being all frenzy, buddy and all that. And I was wondering what that could possibly be.

43:31 Adam Hold on.

43:31 Caller Well, don't say hey, do you want to hook up?

43:33 Caller That's not okay.

43:34 Adam We got it.

43:35 Caller That's how he phrased it.

43:36 Adam Let's all as mature adult males here explain to the young 19, 20, 21 year olds what is going on. There is no mystery. When a woman is interested in you, she's interested.

43:49 Drew She lets you know.

43:49 Adam She doesn't give you that right now, I don't want a boyfriend. There's never been a woman born who's really interested in a guy and says, right now, I just don't want a boyfriend. That's movie talk.

43:58 Drew Yeah.

43:58 Adam Chick's interested, she's interested. That's it. Especially if she's 19 or 20. If she's got a boyfriend and that's your best friend, she's still interested if she's interested.

44:08 Drew Right. Nobody has on their calendar, get boyfriend now and then they block out certain time. Right. It's just whether they're attracted to the guy or not.

44:15 Adam And all of this like, hey, I need time to think or hey, I'm focusing on my studies, I'm going to school right now, I got a pretty full play. All BS. That just means they're not interested enough in you. Right. Believe me, there's a guy who could come along who I don't care if their entire family was killed in a bus accident three hours earlier, who could be screwing them that night. If it was, I don't know, some celebrity, somebody they had their sights set on, whoever it was. So they're not interested in you. And you got to listen to that. But girls do like to yo-yo a little bit because oftentimes at 19, they're not that interested in sex. They're interested in sort of the allure, the attraction, the game, all that stuff that we'd like to get through so we could get to the pun tang. They like that stuff, so they will. And it doesn't make them evil, but they will have the intrigue part of it going, Mike. She's not interested in you. And thank you for listening, and your only chance is to cut her loose, by the way.

45:18 Caller At which point she'll come running towards you, or not.

45:21 Adam That's right.

45:21 Caller So basically just fall off the face of the earth towards her?

45:23 Adam Yes. Yes, because you're banging your head, she's not interested. She'd let you know if she was.

45:31 Caller Ten-four.

45:34 Adam Okay, here's your only chance. You're never going to be boyfriend and girlfriend with them, they're not interested. You might be able to have sex with them, and here's your only chance. Your only chance is to cut them loose and pretend like you're not interested in them. And then two to three weeks later, run into them in an environment where there's booze. That's it. Pure and simple.

45:55 Drew Legal drugs.

45:56 Adam You run into them three weeks later at some bar, and they're kind of juiced up a little, and they're like, how come you haven't called? And you're like, huh? And you play it real cool, and they're juiced up just enough. You might be able to get something.

46:07 Drew Why don't you play, describe that hand drag thing again. The proximity issue. So guys can learn to read that a little bit.

46:13 Adam Okay. Should I do it on you, Drew?

46:16 Drew No. Nick.

46:18 Adam I'll do it. I'll do it on Nick. Here's, take your pants off. There's a few things. If a woman is interested, she will let you know in a few subtle ways. One is the any excuse for contact. I'm not talking about dry humping. You say something and they go, Nick, I got to use your shoulder now. They do that thing and they go, it's so funny. Then when they put their hand on your shoulder, and then when they pull it away, they don't lift it and move it like guys do it, like your wet paint, they go, oh, Christ. They do that, they do little drags, little drags. Like if you hug them and as you're sort of breaking apart, you feel their hands sort of drag across your back, they're into it, they're extending the embrace as opposed to sort of hugging you and then peeling their arm off and sort of backing away from you. They'll also be interested in whatever you're interested in. Meaning, if you go like, yeah, I've been getting pretty heavily into mountain biking lately. They'll go, I never been, but I've always been curious about it. I've always wanted to do it. If they are interested in stuff they're not even interested in that you're doing, you're in. It's same with stuff like movies. Like you bring up a movie, if they go, oh yeah, I've been wanting to see that, you're in.

47:46 Drew As opposed to?

47:48 Adam Yeah, not my thing. Don't want to see that one.

47:51 Drew I heard it was terrible.

47:53 Adam I already saw it.

47:54 Caller It went over my head.

47:55 Adam The ultimate.

47:56 Drew They're also closing you out as effectively as they are opening the door.

47:59 Adam Right, the ultimate, like I'm into you, is like you bring up a movie and they go, I already saw it but I kind of like see it again. I mean that's now, you may be getting a BJ in the theater at this point.

48:10 Drew I liked it so much I want to see someone else appreciate it.

48:13 Caller Right. I'd love to go with someone.

48:15 Adam So any of that interest stuff, any of that whatever you're doing I want to do kind of thing. And again, hugging the drag.

48:22 Drew Excuse to hang around too.

48:23 Adam She was saying, yeah, after the lull. Like you do that thing you go. You're getting smarter, Adam. Yeah, yeah, no, now I'm married. I'm a real Casanova. Now I got to do is build a goddamn time machine. I'm going to eat 7,000 rubbers, kegeroofies, and 600 wine coolers.

48:43 Caller I'm going back in time.

48:45 Adam Yeah, it's all for nothing. Yeah, and that's just how it works. You get all figured out. Ready book. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

49:01 Best Of 877-889-Date.

49:19 Adam Hey, the best of Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew in studio tonight. What I consider a booking coup by producer and.

49:28 Drew Another, another booking coup.

49:30 Adam All two of Tenacious D. Jack Black, Kyle Gass, both in here, and together they are Tenacious D. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. It's Loveline, Tenacious D here, Jack Black, Kyle. I thought it was Kyle Gass.

49:57 Yeah, what did they say, Glass?

49:59 Adam Yeah.

50:00 That's the most popular misspelling.

50:01 Adam Yeah.

50:02 Because no one could possibly be named Gass.

50:05 Adam Yeah.

50:05 So, let's just change it to what we'd like it to be.

50:08 Adam Well, we used to, back in the day, had really crappy JCPenney earth shoe knockoffs called Gass.

50:15 Drew No kidding. Yeah.

50:17 Adam Yeah. And it was so bad that I had a pair that snapped in the middle, but the leather held them together. So, it was like a bi-folding earth shoe.

50:24 Drew You're walking in the middle of Adam regaling us with stories about his childhood.

50:27 Adam Tough luck.

50:28 Drew No washer, no dryer.

50:28 What does that mean?

50:31 Drew You can ask him.

50:32 Best Of I don't mind. You can cry to me.

50:34 Adam I got a lot of questions for you guys, actually.

50:36 We'll go.

50:37 Adam We're going to do a...

50:39 Best Of First of all, before you ask any questions, I want to apologize for being so horribly late. I think we were supposed to be here a long time ago. And it was because of the Laker game. But I will say, are we the latest ever of any of your guests ever?

50:54 Drew No.

50:54 Best Of No?

50:54 Drew No, no.

50:55 Best Of Okay, good.

50:55 Adam Of course not.

50:56 Best Of Good.

50:57 Drew And you called ahead.

50:58 Adam Yeah.

50:58 Best Of Andy Dick called for us?

51:00 Adam Yeah. No, he said, and you called ahead.

51:01 Best Of Oh, yeah, that's true.

51:02 Drew Andy called ahead.

51:03 Adam No, we're... Listen, we're honored that you would even come into our humble studios.

51:07 We really are.

51:09 Best Of We really are.

51:10 Yeah, legendary.

51:11 Best Of Really.

51:13 Adam Well, so here's where we have to plug, and then I'll start with the questions, which is the DVD of Tenacious D, which is the complete masterworks. It's the greatest DVD ever sold, Drew. Are you aware of this? There's been many given away that were much better. But the only one that actually.

51:29 Caller Double D could not be less interested. It seems.

51:33 Adam Drew, where are you going?

51:34 Best Of Double D. Has anyone ever called you Double D, Dr. Drew?

51:37 Drew No, I like that, though. Let's call him that.

51:40 Best Of Rage comes up with a lot of golden nuggets that just come off his head.

51:43 Drew The highly provocative DVD contains legendary and epic recital at London's Brixton Academy that was by chance recorded on November 3rd, 2002.

51:50 Best Of Wow. Yeah.

51:51 Adam Wow.

51:51 Best Of That was the only concert we ever filmed.

51:54 Drew Jack and Cale slay the mighty dragon and treat the British public to a phenomenal performance.

51:58 Adam Now, you can get the DVD on Amazon or get it anywhere, right?

52:01 Caller Go ahead and put some stank on it there.

52:03 Best Of He did put some stank on it.

52:04 Drew With the classic, the now classic, F Her Gently.

52:07 Adam Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure. If you ever heard the Muzak version of that, it'll bring tears. You realize that it is a strong melody when you hear the Muzak version. So now, where did you guys... Well, now, we met Jack at a dinner with...

52:23 Drew Years ago.

52:24 Adam Years ago. Do you remember that?

52:26 Drew No.

52:26 Best Of What went down?

52:27 Drew It was a Loveline sort of about to be...

52:32 Adam Launched.

52:32 Drew Launch for a third season or something.

52:34 Best Of Yeah, because my girlfriend was on the TV show for a little while.

52:39 Caller Right.

52:39 Drew For a long while.

52:40 Best Of Yeah. Was it an ill-fated TV show? For a little long while.

52:42 Caller Yeah.

52:43 Adam Well, it's all... everything's ill-fated if you think about it. Right.

52:48 Best Of Life is ill-fated.

52:49 Adam And even ships that don't sink are ill-fated.

52:50 Caller But beyond the existential question, that did quite well. Did it do well?

52:56 Adam Well, Loveline did well in about four or five seasons.

52:58 Caller Is that true?

53:02 Adam All right. But anyway...

53:03 Best Of What are you doing, Cage? Whenever we do any interviews, Kyle immediately goes on the attack.

53:07 Caller I'm not attacking.

53:08 Best Of You're ill-fated.

53:09 Caller I love this show.

53:10 Adam Would you... Ill-fated. How dare you barge into our studio 45 minutes late? It's a competition. So now, how did Tenacious D get started and where did you meet? And I'm sorry if you've been asked these questions before, but I don't know the answer to them.

53:25 Best Of We met 13 years ago. We were both in this theater company, the Actors Gang, here in LA. And yeah, we were...

53:34 Caller I was kind of like a musical dude, played guitar and... Yeah. And Jack came in singing all the time. Yeah. He was a young kid on the make.

53:42 Best Of I came in and I wanted to be the musical force of the theater company. So we locked horns at first. We weren't really friends. We were arch enemies. But then...

53:50 Adam Sure.

53:51 Best Of Isn't it weird how sometimes your worst enemy turns into your best friend?

53:54 Adam Right. Now, that's what happened with Drew and I. We hate each other first.

53:58 Drew Eventually, we're going to be good friends. Eventually, yeah.

54:02 Adam Where was the or is the actors gang? I never heard of them.

54:05 Best Of Well, now the theater is located now on Santa Monica and Vine, basically one block east of Vine.

54:11 Caller It came out of UCLA back in the early 80s with Tim Robbins was leading the way there.

54:17 Adam And did you... Anyone go to UCLA?

54:21 Caller Yeah, we both did.

54:21 Adam Oh, you did? Are you guys from out here or you just came out here to go to college?

54:24 Best Of I'm from here. Kyle is just a little ways up north.

54:27 Caller Just north.

54:28 Best Of Walnut Creek.

54:29 Adam Where are you from, Jack?

54:30 Best Of Hermosa Beach.

54:31 Drew Oh, my goodness.

54:32 Best Of And then Culver City, Santa Monica.

54:35 Adam Sure.

54:35 Best Of Hollywood, all around. Every nook and cranny of this neighborhood.

54:39 Adam And...

54:40 Best Of All right.

54:41 Adam Well, now I have all my questions answered.

54:43 Best Of Did we answer them all? Look at his split.

54:45 Adam Heather? You're 24?

54:48 Best Of Yep.

54:49 Adam What's up?

54:51 Caller First of all, I would just like to say, Jack and Kyle, I love you guys.

54:54 Best Of Thanks. All right.

54:56 Adam That's nice.

54:57 Caller And, Jack, you look super, super hot in the new spin.

55:00 Best Of Thank you. In the new what?

55:02 Caller The new spin.

55:03 Best Of Oh, really? Is there a hot photo of me? Bonable? Thank you.

55:09 Caller Very bonable.

55:10 Best Of Sweet.

55:11 Caller Major bonable.

55:14 Best Of I shouldn't put words into people's confluence.

55:19 Caller Bonable works for me, man.

55:22 Best Of She's 14 after all. It's all about bonability. 24 in today's entertainment market.

55:28 Adam What's up, Heather?

55:31 Caller Okay.

55:33 Caller My fiancé has a tendency to download porn on my computer.

55:39 Caller Break it off. Break it off immediately.

55:43 Caller Hang on. But see, the thing is he lies to me about it. And that's my, like, biggest pet peeve. And so the thing wouldn't be a big deal except that it makes... I have really low self-esteem. So it makes me feel like, you know, what's he doing looking at that instead of at me?

55:56 Drew But that's ridiculous.

55:57 Caller And then for him to lie about it makes me think he's doing something worse than he really is doing.

56:00 Drew He's lying about it because you have all this energy about it. He knows you're going to be spinning out of control about it.

56:05 Adam And have you ever thought of it from the porn side, which is what's he doing looking at her instead of at me? I mean, the porn is feeling. You know what I'm saying? The porn is silent.

56:14 Drew That he's looking at Heather?

56:16 Adam Yes. It's a silent minority that I feel like I have to speak for.

56:20 Best Of I have some advice. You should just like watch some porn yourself. And then when he comes into the room, turn it off really quick, like you're embarrassed about it. And then you'll cancel each other out.

56:34 Caller What about if I'm downloading pictures of you, Jack?

56:36 Best Of Yeah. I don't know. Then he might come after me with a machete.

56:42 Adam Well, look, can you get over the fact that guys look at porn and not be threatened by it?

56:47 Caller That's not the problem. It's the whole, like, when he tries to cover it up and then I'm like...

56:53 Drew Heather, it's because...

56:54 Why are you lying to me about it?

56:55 Drew Heather, it's because of all your energy that he does it. He's trying to avoid you triggering something in you. He knows if you catch him, you're going to spin.

57:04 Adam Yeah, I know.

57:04 Caller Once she opened up about it, I think they would totally find a common ground on it.

57:09 Adam Here's the thing, guys, guys reflexively cover up porn no matter. If Ron Jeremy came storming up the stairs, you would yank the cord on the computer. Be like, you can't get busted watching porn.

57:22 Drew It doesn't matter if the mom reflects.

57:24 Adam Yeah. You got your mom.

57:25 Caller Boys don't want to get in trouble.

57:26 Adam Right, right. And when. But here's what women do. And they're so full of crap with this when they do that. I don't mind. It's not that you watch the porn. It's that you lie about it. You hide it. That's part. No, they hide it because obviously Heather would spin out of control if he did it. Although I wonder if chick cops do that. It's not it's not that you were speedy. That's that's not why I'm giving you a ticket. It's that when I asked you if you knew how fast you're going, you lied and said fifty five. You think women, you think female cops?

57:57 Caller I'm certain that's a good analogy.

57:59 Adam Yes.

57:59 Caller All right.

58:00 Adam So who? All right. So leave the guy alone. And by the way, if you if you put the screws to a guy, he'll hear that living with him. They start beating off more. And they're and they're they're more even more absent. They'll withdraw. And inside their relationship. Yeah.

58:15 Best Of All right. We're the last in line. My favorite lyric from that when it goes, you can't release yourself, but the only way to go is down.

58:31 Adam But he actually has a guitar, right?

58:34 Best Of No, he doesn't. No, his his guitarist does. Yeah.

58:38 Adam I miss Ronnie James's hair. We used to have that huge. There's nothing like a pitch black long rock fro. He had a perm, a tight perm that was jet black and long too. But would you say that Dio is sort of who you mold yourself after? If there could be one lead rock singer, at least from a voice standpoint, would it be Dio?

59:05 Best Of If I had to pick one, here's a weird thing. I'm going to have to go Bobby McFerrin. It's kind of on the other end of the spectrum.

59:13 Adam Sure.

59:13 Best Of I'm talking about pre Don't Worry Be Happy, back in the day when he was kicking at old school.

59:21 Adam Yeah. That's a deep guy.

59:23 Best Of He could make his voice sound like all kinds of different musical instruments.

59:26 Adam I was like the guy from the police academy. Yes. Except for with instruments. Yeah.

59:31 Best Of But I first saw him on the Grammys, and he was doing something and he's got, he's a master of the falsetto. Oh, really? He'll go, you know, that yodeling crack that you're going to go. My voice is a little thrashed right now.

59:45 Adam Christie.

59:49 Best Of And he would slap his chest.

59:51 Adam And he gets that great sound. Yeah. I think he could do that water dripping noise too, if he did it.

59:56 Best Of Yeah.

59:58 Adam Yeah. I don't know how people do that. No, that's the chug sound. This is the drip. I can't do anything.

1:00:05 Caller Did you do the drip?

1:00:07 Best Of Isn't it a slug?

1:00:09 Adam Yeah, there it is. Yes, that's it.

1:00:12 Caller Yes.

1:00:13 Adam You're 17?

1:00:14 Caller Yeah.

1:00:15 Adam What's up?

1:00:16 Caller Well, first off, I'd like to give a shout out to Jack Black, my friend Mitch's hero. And furthermore, would you guys like to hear the question?

1:00:24 Best Of Sure.

1:00:24 Caller All right.

1:00:25 Caller I have a penis that curves to the left.

1:00:33 Adam And is it just a soft curve? Is it sort of flare to the left or is it making sudden movements?

1:00:39 Best Of Halfway down or halfway up.

1:00:41 Adam Halfway down, it starts to make its move.

1:00:42 Caller So it had it your whole life?

1:00:44 Adam About the one inch mark?

1:00:45 Caller Never noticed it for a couple of years ago.

1:00:47 Drew So it's something that's developed.

1:00:49 Best Of Are you left handed?

1:00:51 Caller No, I'm ambidextrous.

1:00:53 Adam Nice. That means you beat off with your heels, right? Is that what that means? Because I've heard people talk about it. I always assume that's what it meant.

1:01:01 Best Of You lube up the heels?

1:01:02 Caller You lube up the heels.

1:01:04 Adam It's too like that. And it's great if you're a two-fisted porn guy like me, because there's nothing worse than opening the magazine, having one side sort of flapping in the wind and starting to bend. If you keep it taut with two hands, sort of, remember the bowl worker? This is the opposite. You're trying to actually pull the porn apart and then you're really working it with the heels.

1:01:27 Best Of It's like a yoga move.

1:01:28 Adam Yeah, yeah. And it keeps-

1:01:30 Best Of The flapping butterfly.

1:01:32 Adam Sometimes your heels can get kind of chalky and chafy and it keeps them real supple. That's how you always know when a guy's a heel-jacker. You just look at his heels. If they're sort of baby soft.

1:01:43 Best Of Yeah, when you're on the beach, check it out.

1:01:45 Caller I noticed Double D's looking at a lot of pictures.

1:01:47 Drew Yeah, these are curved peinages.

1:01:49 Caller Drew, did you find?

1:01:51 Drew This is a book about surgical procedures to correct. Things like.

1:01:55 Adam Yeah, it's a bad time.

1:01:56 Caller He knew.

1:01:56 Adam Hey, Jen. So Drew says when he's paying attention that you can take vitamin E.

1:02:03 Drew 800 units a day and that might help it. But.

1:02:07 Caller Do we know what it's from?

1:02:09 Drew Well, it's usually from trauma. And if something you're not born with, if it's something you've to sort of acquire later on, it's usually from something sort of scarring.

1:02:16 Caller Where I'm not wrong.

1:02:17 Adam Make its move.

1:02:18 Caller I'm usually gentle with myself.

1:02:20 Best Of Do you wear tighty-whities?

1:02:21 Caller No, no, I'm a free baller.

1:02:23 Drew It's usually, I was just reading this little piece here, it says usually from coital trauma.

1:02:27 Best Of Does it hurt when you get a boner?

1:02:29 Adam Oh, wait a minute, let me get him.

1:02:30 Best Of Oh, he's gone?

1:02:31 Caller No, I just put him on hold.

1:02:32 Adam Chant?

1:02:32 Caller Yeah.

1:02:33 Adam Pain with boner?

1:02:34 Caller Not at all, no.

1:02:36 Best Of All right, have you experimented with some different positions where it's all right?

1:02:39 I actually had a question about positions.

1:02:41 Caller If I position myself so the curve is going up, will I hit a girl's G-spot?

1:02:45 Drew Yeah, interesting question. You might, a lot of women, though, complain about the curves up and down. So it could be a blessing? It could be a blessing, yes.

1:02:57 Adam It could be.

1:02:58 Caller From God, directly. You're looking for a white lining there.

1:03:02 Adam Yeah, it's not. I mean, it's like people saying, when I lost my eyesight, it saved my life because that's when I put the bottle down. It still doesn't fall under the blessing category.

1:03:13 Drew I see.

1:03:14 Adam I see a curved penis, but you're all right, Jen.

1:03:16 Drew Yeah, it's a good time.

1:03:17 Adam It's a good time.

1:03:17 Drew You're 17, 800 units of vitamin E a day. Just give it that first time.

1:03:22 Adam And you gotta push it into the hole. You understand? You don't take it orally.

1:03:25 Best Of Sounds good, Adam.

1:03:26 Adam All right, buddy.

1:03:27 All right.

1:03:28 Best Of All right, take care.

1:03:29 All right.

1:03:29 Adam We have a Germany or Florida.

1:03:32 Drew Explain to these guys.

1:03:33 Adam I'll explain how this works. It was actually conceived at the Kimmel Show. I gave them six months to do something with it and they never used it, so we took it over for this show. We've decided that all evil emanates from either Germany or Florida. Bizarre evil.

1:03:46 Best Of Interesting.

1:03:47 Adam There's murders everywhere and there's death and mayhem everywhere, but the sort of teaching the schnauzer to heil Hitler or eating the carcass of your newborn and then, you know.

1:04:00 Drew If you remember, last week we got a guy slicing his penis into, you know, sausage.

1:04:03 Adam Yeah, yeah. It's Germany.

1:04:05 Drew And they're frying it up and eating it with a friend.

1:04:07 Best Of Was that a Florida dude?

1:04:08 Drew No, it was Germany.

1:04:09 Adam Germany or Florida is where this stuff comes from. So, we now have to guess whether it's Germany or Florida.

1:04:17 Best Of Was it delicious?

1:04:18 Drew He didn't say. We'd actually talked to the guy.

1:04:21 Caller Rick? Rick?

1:04:25 Adam Caller who goes by the name of Rick? All right, after that big Germany or Florida build up. Let's take a question for Jack. The guy's been on hold for 87 minutes. Big fan. Chris?

1:04:36 Caller Hey.

1:04:37 Adam What's up?

1:04:38 Caller First, Adam, you're a genius.

1:04:40 Adam Oh, thanks.

1:04:41 Caller And if you were in charge, the world would be a better place. And Double D, you're a passionate, passionate man.

1:04:49 Drew Double D.

1:04:49 Adam Yep, Drew is a man of great passion.

1:04:51 Drew Dude, you started, Jack?

1:04:53 Best Of I didn't do it, it was Cage.

1:04:54 Drew Okay, I'm sorry.

1:04:55 Adam Go ahead. You have a question for Jack?

1:04:57 Caller Yeah, Tenacious D, the greatest man in the world.

1:05:00 Best Of True.

1:05:01 Caller Okay, now Ronnie James. Has he heard your song yet?

1:05:06 Best Of Who?

1:05:06 Caller Ronnie James.

1:05:07 Caller Ronnie James has.

1:05:08 Best Of Ronnie James, yeah. Yeah, we were in his music video. He liked the song.

1:05:13 Caller He did, okay. And I got another question. Out of all the movies you've been in, Jack, what would you say was your favorite?

1:05:22 Best Of My best one's still probably High Fidelity. But I don't know, I like School of Rock an awful lot.

1:05:29 Caller Yeah.

1:05:30 Adam Well, I would say that High Fidelity may have been a marginally better movie, but you were really showcased in School of Rock.

1:05:38 Best Of That's true.

1:05:39 Adam I mean, without sounding like an ass-licker here, without you, School of Rock's not a very good movie.

1:05:46 Best Of It crumbles, it crumbles like a...

1:05:48 Adam It's a cute idea, but you definitely need you and your background and your talents to pull it along. Your specific talents to pull it along.

1:05:59 Best Of Yes, it was a vehicle. It was written for me, it was designed that way.

1:06:02 Adam It wasn't a bad vehicle, it was like a Camry with the air conditioning, but velour interior. Hold on, Jack got into that car and you want to know what happened? Dropped a big block blown Chevy in there, pulled out the back seat, put Naga hide in there and put a nice limo tint on the windows.

1:06:20 Best Of What's Naga hide?

1:06:21 Adam That's a fake leather.

1:06:23 Best Of Oh, I thought that was like nitrous.

1:06:25 Adam Oh no, we have hooked up, hooked up the NAS. That's nitrous oxide. Put the NAS tanks on there too.

1:06:31 Best Of I also put that thing, the blower, like Mad Max. Oh yeah.

1:06:34 Adam Yeah, no, that's blown. That's supercharged.

1:06:36 Best Of Thank you.

1:06:37 Adam That's supercharged. Hemi, and he put the four bolt main in there and he had the nine inch Muncie rear end and the four speed rock crusher tranny. Yeah, and the race white letters on the torque twister tires.

1:06:50 Caller But if Jack's not in there, if Jack's not in there, it's a pacer.

1:06:54 Adam It's the beige Camry with the bad, and no carpet, just the actual vinyl floor mats. Yeah, yeah. All right, AM radio. All right. Hey, no air either, by the way. Who are we talking to? Chris, you have any more automotive questions?

1:07:12 Drew No, no, Chris got his answer.

1:07:13 Adam Oh, he did? All right. All right, we got another Germany or Florida, so we have to prioritize on this show.

1:07:19 Drew Paul?

1:07:21 Adam Yes? You're 14?

1:07:23 Caller Yeah.

1:07:23 Adam All right, you have a Germany or Florida for us?

1:07:25 Caller Yeah, okay.

1:07:27 Caller Man tries to rob a bank. Gun goes off in his pants. He gets hurt. He grabs the cash and runs for the door.

1:07:38 Caller As he ran out the door, he got hit by a van and they never caught the guy.

1:07:44 Best Of Oh.

1:07:44 Drew Is this something that happened a long time ago or recently? Do we know?

1:07:50 Caller About a year ago.

1:07:51 Adam About a year ago.

1:07:52 Best Of But they got the DNA.

1:07:54 Adam Gun going off in the pants.

1:07:55 Caller Actually, no, there was no blood at the scene.

1:07:57 Adam Feels Florida.

1:07:57 Drew That feels Florida, yeah.

1:07:59 Adam Van feels Florida, unless you picture one of those funky European vans.

1:08:03 Drew Right.

1:08:03 Adam Which are probably more prevalent.

1:08:04 Drew And I don't see a Florida bank being so close to the street that you open the door and you get hit by a van. That's Germany, right?

1:08:12 Adam What the hell do I know where the banks are located in Germany?

1:08:15 Drew I've never been to Germany. More room in Florida.

1:08:17 Adam More room, more room. Okay, so what are we going with? Germany?

1:08:20 Drew Whatever you say.

1:08:21 Adam I'm gonna go Germany. We're going Germany, Paul. Oh, Drew, with your stupid bank road proximity theory. That's retarded.

1:08:33 Best Of I swear, I was gonna go Florida, too.

1:08:36 Caller It had me picturing little European cobblestone streets. Narrow buildings.

1:08:42 Adam See, if it was custom van, that's Florida. Of course. And by the way, let me tell you something with what Jack Black did with School of Rock. It was just a plain tradesman van. No captain's chairs, no paneling, no plow punk, nothing.

1:09:00 Caller Was there a table in the back? Was there carpet?

1:09:03 Adam No, just the interior. The shell? Just a shell. Just a shell. It's a kind of a painter would use. No, no, no. It did have a ladder rack, but we took that off. Jack got hold of that van. Jack put Love Tron and rainbow tape on the side of it. You know what I'm saying?

1:09:18 Caller And one of those bubble windows that is really not good for anything because light cannot pass through it in either direction.

1:09:25 Adam Someone decided it'd be really cool to have a bubble window about the size of a football helmet. Yeah, a saucer on the upper right-hand corner of the van that nobody could see out of and nothing really passed through. It was just black. I'm convinced now that it was just a black salad bowl that was glued to the side of the van.

1:09:45 Best Of Did you see the movie?

1:09:46 Adam The van? Your movie? Yeah.

1:09:50 Drew He had the van.

1:09:50 Adam Oh, he did have the custom van.

1:09:52 Best Of Where did you see it? Yeah.

1:09:53 Adam Where did I see the van?

1:09:54 Best Of Where did you see the movie? Did you see like a matinee last week or something?

1:09:58 Adam No. I saw-

1:09:59 Best Of Maybe you're judging it harshly because the audience was not into it, but I think it's better than you're giving it credit. It wasn't a hollowed out shell of a van.

1:10:07 Adam Oh, no, it was-

1:10:08 Best Of I swear to God, when I read it, I thought it was a Ferrari.

1:10:11 Adam No, it-

1:10:12 Best Of I read it and I was like, no, this thing is just plain funny.

1:10:15 Adam No, it was-

1:10:15 Best Of What don't I understand?

1:10:16 Caller He's saying without you, it's a hollowed out van. With you, it's a custom van.

1:10:21 Drew He read it without him and he thought it was-

1:10:23 Best Of That's right, I read it.

1:10:24 Adam Yeah, but it was him reading it, he is.

1:10:26 Drew He saw yourself in it. He saw what you could do with it.

1:10:29 Adam The custom van cannot read it.

1:10:30 Best Of It was written by a good friend of mine, Mike White.

1:10:33 Drew Now, he went to my Little Lord Fauntleroy school.

1:10:35 Adam Mike White did.

1:10:36 Best Of Oh, really?

1:10:37 Drew And he fashioned it after the class just ahead of my kids. And my kids who love this film are all pissed off because all the names are people they know of the class I did. Isn't that weird?

1:10:47 Best Of Mr. Schneebly? Yeah.

1:10:49 Drew All the names of the kids.

1:10:52 Adam All right. I'm going to be more, I was just sucking up to you, Jack. Oh, okay. The movie was a solid movie. It was a good, it was a prelude, a Honda prelude. It was a maroon, prelude, low mileage.

1:11:09 Best Of When's your movie come out so I can talk about what kind of crappy car it reminds me of?

1:11:13 Adam Oh, it's a Fiero, the four cylinder, not the six cylinder. No, no, it's good. Good solid movie, but you made it. The part was made for you. Thank you. Yeah. Hi, Fidelity. Great, Mommy. We'll take a quick break.

1:11:27 Caller Loveline.

1:11:31 Caller We'll be right back.

1:11:33 Caller Loveline is brought to you by YJ. Stinger.

1:11:37 Caller Catch the buzz, feel the sting.

1:11:40 Drew We like these guys.

1:11:41 Adam Jack Black, Kyle Gassin Studio. And here's just a little bit more of it.

1:11:45 Drew Fantastic.

1:11:50 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Tenacious D, Jack and Kyle, both here. The only members of Tenacious D. All right, where are we, Drew? Who am I talking to? Line five. Marie?

1:12:06 Yes, sir.

1:12:07 Adam You're 22? What's up?

1:12:11 Caller Well, I just want to say, Jack, Kyle, you're beautiful human beings. I'm a little disappointed that we didn't see a cameo of Kyle in School of Rock.

1:12:23 Caller Well, I hate to have you open that can of worms.

1:12:26 Caller Yeah, I mean, there wasn't a good part for them.

1:12:28 Caller Of course, they said.

1:12:30 Best Of See, a crappy little cameo, it's gotta be funny. We can't give him something that's not worth his while. Because we got the Tenacious D movie coming up next.

1:12:41 Caller Right.

1:12:41 Best Of But what were you gonna say, Kyle? Make me feel bad. Go ahead.

1:12:46 Caller I completely agree with you, Chad.

1:12:49 Adam Drew, you know, Drew starred as the father of the Olsen twins in a movie that's coming out in a few months and he could throw a bone this way. Hey, Kyle, maybe you and I'll make our own movie, huh? Yeah, and maybe it'll just be enough room for just me and you, huh?

1:13:04 Best Of Yeah, maybe it'll be a Peugeot.

1:13:06 Adam Yeah.

1:13:07 Best Of Do you remember the-

1:13:08 Adam Erin? You're 24? What's up?

1:13:14 Caller Well, I'm in this open relationship that I'm not particularly happy in, and I never liked the idea of an open relationship in the first place, but I decided that maybe it might be worth a try.

1:13:29 Drew Because you knew that if you didn't agree to it, you wouldn't be able to hang on to this guy.

1:13:33 Caller Not so much that, as I really liked, I got sexually involved with him pretty early, well, right away in the relationship, and it's phenomenal sex, and I think that's a lot of why I'm stay. And every day I kick myself for staying in it, but at the same time, like, I feel lonely and I don't want to not be in it. And I don't know.

1:13:56 Adam How many, open relationship, by the way, is a great euphemistic term. It really means, as a guy saying to a girl, I get to F your friends and waitresses, if you F anyone, I'll freak on your ass. That's really, really what it turns out to be.

1:14:12 Caller He does definitely have a double standard.

1:14:14 Adam Yeah, you can't go hump people.

1:14:17 Caller No.

1:14:17 Adam All right, well, so what's so great about this guy?

1:14:22 Caller Well, he's really funny.

1:14:23 Adam Yeah, but.

1:14:24 Caller Very sweet when he's not talking about her.

1:14:28 Drew About who?

1:14:30 Caller The other woman.

1:14:31 Drew Well, there's one other woman?

1:14:32 Caller There's one other woman.

1:14:34 Drew Is it his wife?

1:14:35 Caller It's not his wife. She's a divorced woman. She's 30 some odd. She's got three kids. I think she's kind of stupid and not very nice person. She makes him feel bad a lot. She's very mean to him.

1:14:51 Drew This guy's effed up.

1:14:53 Caller Why do you know her?

1:14:55 Caller Well.

1:14:55 Adam He talks about her, right?

1:14:57 Caller Have you met her?

1:14:58 Caller I have met her and she's rubbed me the wrong way from the beginning, but.

1:15:04 Drew It's her fault that he's in this messed up situation.

1:15:07 Adam Yeah, she's such a horrible person letting him have sex with her. What's that?

1:15:13 Caller I don't know.

1:15:15 Adam Why don't you blame the guy, by the way? He's the problem here. By the way, this is one of the hallmarks of being white trash, which is the chick goes after the other chick. Yeah. No Jew chick would ever do this. Am I right? Jewish broad would never do this. Right. This is exclusive. This is white trash. It's black and little specks. Everything but Jew, actually. Jew and Asian don't do this. But smart chicks go after the guy for cheating, not go after the girl he's cheating with. But I still like, I got to give me one of these girls where they just have at it. You're just sitting there with your arms folded and they're just beating the crap out of each other. Your penis is surprised.

1:15:57 Drew Trophy.

1:15:58 Adam Yeah.

1:15:59 Caller Well, actually, I don't blame either of them. I blame myself for making the decision to be in this relationship.

1:16:06 Drew Yeah, you should get out. You should get out.

1:16:07 Adam That's enough.

1:16:08 Drew This isn't working.

1:16:09 Adam What's this guy? And by the way, what's this guy do for a living? He drives a truck, right?

1:16:13 Caller No, he does not.

1:16:14 Caller I drive a truck.

1:16:16 Adam You do?

1:16:17 Caller No.

1:16:18 Caller He works at a Home Depot right now.

1:16:21 Drew Right now, right now, Adam. Right now.

1:16:24 Adam How old is he?

1:16:25 Caller He's not doing very well.

1:16:26 Drew Yeah, but right now, he's at the Home Depot.

1:16:27 Adam How old is he? Oh, listen, that is...

1:16:33 Caller He's not a phenomenal winner.

1:16:35 Adam That Home Depot is really, it's like a funnel for the dam. That's where they end up. And, you know, they show the commercial with the kindly guy with the salt and pepper hair. This is Bob Johnson. He's got 28 years since the plumbing contract. First off, anyone that knows anything does not end up at the Home Depot. But if you're an expert on anything, you don't take $7.50 an hour with an embroidered name tag. You're out making whatever you're worth being an expert at something. But you go to that place, you try to talk to people, and they barely even speak English. So this guy's got to be like a triple tart. Plus, then he's also, he's banging some chick that has three kids that divorce the mom.

1:17:13 Drew And that's a boundaryless relationship that's chaotic, and he can't get himself out of that, and he keeps this other one on the side. Yes. Aaron, you're out.

1:17:24 Adam You fire up that 18-wheeler, drop the clutch, and make tracks for the border.

1:17:29 Caller But really my question is like, I don't understand about myself why I can intellectually understand that this is a bad idea.

1:17:38 Adam Low self-esteem. Your dad screwed you over.

1:17:44 Drew Yeah, you need to be in that chase. That chase is important to you because that's the way you chase dad. And that's who you are in a relationship. That's how you know yourself best. And you're going to make that right once and for all. But of course, you're with the unavailable guy who will never be available.

1:17:57 Adam Your dad was unavailable?

1:18:01 Caller Not as unavailable as some dads, but I mean, I don't see him as a guy who died when their kids were three months old.

1:18:08 Adam Yeah, I mean, I wasn't in the ground or in the joint, but he wasn't a good dad, was he?

1:18:13 Caller Well, we didn't live with him. And it was probably a better idea that I didn't live with him.

1:18:18 Drew But all right, I'm not a good guy that would qualify as unavailable and not a good guy.

1:18:23 Adam What kind of rate you're driving, by the way?

1:18:27 Caller I don't like drive a big truck.

1:18:29 Caller I drive my little truck.

1:18:30 Adam It's always boring when people say that, but all right, well, that's enough now. We're bored. I want to see like, you know, Kenworth, 18 Wheeler, of course, so other people, a truck, call themselves truckers. You shouldn't be able to call yourself a trucker.

1:18:41 Caller Remember Karl Malone's truck?

1:18:43 Adam Sure. Yeah, that's a truck. That's a truck. Yeah. I like guys who drive the truck with big murals on the side.

1:18:51 Caller With him on it, I believe, wasn't he? He was painted on the side with a big cowboy hat.

1:18:56 Adam Delivering the mail.

1:18:57 Drew She didn't call herself a trucker. She said she drives a truck. A little different.

1:19:01 Caller Yeah, but the way she said it, I was with you.

1:19:04 Adam Felt BJ in the bearish for me. Sure.

1:19:06 Caller Is an open relationship, you always consider that like a bogus concept? It doesn't really.

1:19:12 Drew It never works for long.

1:19:14 Caller You're saying slam dunk, it just does not exist in the real.

1:19:18 Drew No. Not in the healthy world. It doesn't work in the healthy world. We have talked to people that are both sex addicts, for whom it works, but these relationships are built on chaos and poor boundaries, and so eventually it unwinds. It can work for a while, it can work for even a long while, but it will have problems.

1:19:39 Adam We tried that multiple times, we started seeing a podiatrist out of Orlando, and I started to freak, and we both quickly realized that that was in a direction we could go. We do invite another person, four persons, into the bedroom every once in a while.

1:19:58 Drew If you guys want to consider it. Orlando was when it was working still. That's true.

1:20:07 Caller When someone needs to make their fantasy a reality.

1:20:11 Drew You mean like a fetish fantasy?

1:20:13 Caller Well, you know, any sort of maybe a group, or maybe you partner with somebody else, or one of these sort of deals. Do you think that's ever a good idea?

1:20:22 Drew Not in a commit, well, you can never say never, but the vast, vast majority of cases, if you're in a committed relationship, and you're going to do something that might create some feelings you can't expect, like bring another person in, or watch them with someone else, or them watch you with someone else. Not a good idea. It's really putting things in risk.

1:20:40 Adam And your relationship is like an old person's bones, you know, like if you break that hip once, the person that sort of walks with a limp after that. One good, like we've had it many times where people are like, we're in a committed relationship, we're going to get married, this is going to be great. We just want to try bringing a person in just this one time. They do it and it F's everything up.

1:21:04 Caller They can always happen.

1:21:06 Adam Always happens.

1:21:07 Caller But the point is, and that's fascinating, that it always will.

1:21:09 Drew Well, the unfortunate thing, people want to put a value judgment on it, go, well, it's bad to do that or it's good to do that. It's like, no, it just doesn't work. I wish it were good. Doesn't work. Humans just don't work that way. It doesn't work very long.

1:21:21 Caller And yet, it's such a common everybody.

1:21:24 Drew Well, we've been through a period of history when that was supposed to be cool and good. And a lot of people tried it and sort of found out, it doesn't work if you're single, it's cool and good if you're in a relationship.

1:21:34 Best Of My parents tried it. It was messed up. Really? Yeah.

1:21:39 Adam What'd they do?

1:21:40 Best Of Well, you know, it was the 70s and there was all kinds of crazy. We used to go to nudist colonies a lot. Really? This place called Esalen here in California.

1:21:49 Caller It's Eshalon, isn't it?

1:21:50 Best Of Is it Eshalon?

1:21:50 Caller I believe.

1:21:51 Best Of Okay. I was a little kid.

1:21:52 Adam Is that up? No.

1:21:53 Best Of I got a really bad sunburn on my ass.

1:21:56 Adam That's not up to paying a can.

1:21:58 Best Of There was a naked dude playing tennis with nothing but tennis shoes on. Hello. But anyway, there was a part of this thing called family synergy where the families would all come together. And I didn't know until many years later that it was all about families getting together and just having sex with each other while the kids were running around in the nudist colony.

1:22:16 Adam Everything we've been talking about this. Hey, this is where he gets his creative juices.

1:22:24 Drew You and Jack had similar families, sounds like.

1:22:26 Best Of Did you go to nudist colony?

1:22:27 Drew The hippie family.

1:22:28 Adam No, I had a hippie family or hippie mom and went to a free range school where I never learned anything. But I didn't. No, I had my grandmother. My grandmother used to walk around in the nude. And yeah, that's not right. That's when I that's probably why I do the heel jack. That's what my therapist says. But she I remember one time, oh, my God, there's a nudist camp was called the Elysium or something was up like in Topanga Canyon.

1:22:59 Best Of That's the one. That's the one. That's the one. Did you go there?

1:23:02 Adam No. Wait a minute. I recognize the balls.

1:23:07 Best Of I'm sorry. I didn't wear any pants tonight, but you recognize my balls.

1:23:10 Adam I know. My grandmother would say, yeah, me and Emory Kennerick are going up there over the weekend. You want to tag along? That's great. You know, it's like, first off, everyone does this whole thing. It's like, hey, man, you're free. You're free. You're free. Well, when you're at the beach, you're wearing three ounces of nylon around your nards. You really feel like you're suffocating in these things. Like you're in some sort of cocoon. Oh my God. I'm shirtless. I'm pantless. I'm sockless. I'm shoeless. I feel like I can't breathe. Put on a goddamn Speedo. I feel weird when my nuts are swinging around. You know, I mean, so that whole like, hey, man, it's great. It's great to be nude. Like I walk around my house, even just walk around alone. I'll put a towel on. I actually it just I feel a little better that way. So what do you mean the freedom? So confined with the shorts, those cutoffs are very confining. So that's a weird thing. And everyone just wants to go up there and look at everyone else nude. And then if you don't go, you're uptight. That's where they get you. You're not uptight, are you, man? I mean, about your body. Are you uptight?

1:24:16 Caller Why?

1:24:17 Adam No, I'm not uptight.

1:24:18 Caller Good.

1:24:19 Adam So get nude and come on up. And then the sports, then the volleyball, then the basketball, then the tennis and the singalong start coming. Batman and all that stuff. And average age, 74. It's not the kind of nudist camp that you picture when you're beating off the nudist camps.

1:24:39 Best Of A lot of good came out of the 60s. But nudist camps was not one of the great things. I contend.

1:24:45 Adam No, and then here's the only thing worse than the nudist camp is the nudist trailer parks, the communities, the nudist community. That is a cluster f.

1:24:55 Drew I think the only state to come out of the 60s is the civil rights movement. That was it. That's what we got.

1:25:00 Best Of Come on. Some good music.

1:25:01 Drew Good music. I'll give you that.

1:25:02 Caller Cultural revolution.

1:25:04 Adam That's right. All right. Now look what we did. Kyle and Jack are both here. And we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Well, let's just go ahead and make it a full hour of the best of Loveline and best of Tenacious.

1:25:43 Drew Yeah, because it was a great show with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:25:47 Adam Oh no, oh no, yeah.

1:25:49 Drew We like Jack, too.

1:25:49 Adam Yeah, here it is.

1:26:00 Drew And I just.

1:26:03 Adam Hey, Lauren, he's the world's worst producer. Oh, yes, yes. How bad a producer is Lauren?

1:26:13 Drew She's just entertaining the guests.

1:26:15 Adam Tenacious D in the studio tonight.

1:26:18 Best Of That's nothing. I just got surgery. I got my gallbladder removed.

1:26:21 Drew You did not?

1:26:22 Best Of Yeah, and I woke up.

1:26:23 Drew Did you just lose a bunch of weight or something?

1:26:25 Best Of No.

1:26:26 Drew How'd you get the gallbladder disease?

1:26:27 Best Of You know, I've had stones, this is weird. He's an old man. The first attack I had of gallstones, I was 16 years old.

1:26:34 Drew In your family?

1:26:35 Best Of Yeah, but my grandma, no men have had it. I don't know, there's something wrong with my...

1:26:41 Drew Wow, I'm just, when people lose a bunch of weight all of a sudden, they'll be precipitates. What about, maybe. Did you have any weight go up or down or anything?

1:26:48 Best Of Not really, I've always been pretty fat.

1:26:50 Adam Drew, what about the theory about phallus exposure to the sun at your early age?

1:26:57 Drew Adam, that's what I was gonna say next.

1:26:59 Adam Right, we just read something in JAMA that if the male penis is exposed to too much sunlight between the age of nine and 19, that this can cause the cause of the cause. Precipitate stones. So maybe.

1:27:12 Best Of Damn you, Elysium!

1:27:13 Drew Do you have it laparoscopically removed?

1:27:16 Best Of Yeah, they went in with tubes. Is that what it means, laparoscopic? Yes.

1:27:19 Drew Pretty cool.

1:27:20 Best Of Well, yeah, it was cool, but the point of the story is, I woke up after being under for seven hours. It's supposed to go one hour. It's supposed to go one hour, but then when they went in there, it was hiding behind my liver, first of all, so they couldn't really see what they needed to do.

1:27:34 Drew Did they have to open it?

1:27:35 Best Of They had to, no, they did not cut open. It's just still the holes, but they, when they finally saw the gallbladder, it was super like infected and swollen. So then they had to, after they took it out, they took it out, they sucked it out of my belly button. Then they went back in to make sure that nothing else had become infected or, you know, so it took a long time. So anyway, I wake up, disoriented, different room that I went to sleep in. Hello, anybody? Hello? And then the nurse comes in. Oh, he's awake. Would you mind signing this for Lauren?

1:28:11 Drew Oh my God.

1:28:12 Best Of And then the other nurse was like, oh no, don't make him do it. And she said, oh, it's no big deal. He'll do it, won't you? And I said, yeah. And then later I tried to get it followed.

1:28:23 Adam It's always funny when you sign something and as you start signing it and it's to somebody else, the person that is having you sign it starts subtly insulting you where they do that. My nephew Tim, big fan, big fan. I didn't know who you were. You started it, right?

1:28:38 Best Of And they're going.

1:28:39 Caller You mean like a minute ago when Dr. Drew said his kids would go crazy?

1:28:42 Best Of No, but he didn't insult after that.

1:28:45 Adam No, but they'll start working. I hadn't heard of you, but he's a big fan. I don't really approve of that kind of humor. And it's like halfway in with your client. Now the pen the pen breaks in your hand. Well, what are you supposed to do? You got to do it for the kids, right, Drew? All right. Tenacious D here tonight.

1:29:02 Caller Why does anyone want an autograph anyway?

1:29:05 Drew I don't understand that.

1:29:06 Caller You know?

1:29:06 Drew Yeah.

1:29:07 Adam Although, you know, speaking of subtle put downs, Kyle, the second to go off there gives us the how many? How many nights a week do you guys do this gig? Five nights. Really? Why? Sorry, John.

1:29:20 Caller You guys have been doing it.

1:29:22 Adam Yeah, but why?

1:29:23 Caller You guys should go down to, you know, four day.

1:29:25 Adam Yeah, we could start cutting back.

1:29:27 Drew Yeah.

1:29:28 Adam Yeah, let's do that.

1:29:29 Drew Good idea.

1:29:30 Adam Or as my plan, which is instead of ten hours a week broken up into five days a week, what about one marathon show?

1:29:36 Drew Ten hours straight.

1:29:36 Caller No, no. Each month.

1:29:38 Adam Oh, 40 hours. 40 hours.

1:29:41 Drew Beauty way to go.

1:29:42 Adam It's like you're just you're just giving me drugs. I'm starting to get I'm starting to get kind of What's different about that? I'm hallucinating by the 37th hour.

1:29:50 Drew Like I said.

1:29:51 Adam Starting to drop the F-bomb left and right.

1:29:53 Best Of All right, let's.

1:29:55 Caller You got an easy, easy pad there. You write out the prescriptions.

1:30:00 Adam Yeah, it's very loose. Loose as a pen in town.

1:30:02 Caller Loose as a pen.

1:30:03 Adam Let's talk to Matthew. Matthew?

1:30:06 Caller Yeah.

1:30:06 Adam You're 18?

1:30:07 Caller Yeah.

1:30:08 Adam Germany or Florida? Go ahead.

1:30:11 Caller All right. This guy walks into a grocery store and can't afford anything, so he steals a lobster by stuffing it in his pants. And as he heads out the door, he's castrated by the lobster and bleeds to death on the way to the hospital.

1:30:29 Adam Really?

1:30:30 Caller Really. All right.

1:30:34 Adam Do Germans have lobsters?

1:30:36 Drew Yes, in this day and age.

1:30:38 Adam Didn't they round them up and try to... Oh, that's a choose. Damn it, I always do that. Okay, so now wait a second.

1:30:46 Drew It has a Floridian feel to it, doesn't it? But the bleeding to death party, somebody would bleed to death after a lobster snip.

1:30:52 Adam That's how my dad went.

1:30:54 Drew I know, but it was in Florida.

1:30:56 Adam All right, but here's the point. Wouldn't we have heard of this if it was in Florida?

1:31:00 Drew Of course.

1:31:00 Adam But it could be made up. Okay, so we're going Germany?

1:31:02 Best Of I was going Germany on my mind, yeah.

1:31:04 Caller I'm saying made up Germany.

1:31:05 Adam Made up Germany. We're going bogus Germany. What's Germany?

1:31:08 Caller No, it's Florida.

1:31:11 Adam No, no, but that's bogus.

1:31:12 Caller No, no, I swear.

1:31:14 Adam Now, a pox on you and your false stories. All right, let's keep moving here. Speak to Angela. Angela?

1:31:22 Caller Yeah.

1:31:22 Adam You're 22.

1:31:23 Caller 22.

1:31:24 Adam What's up?

1:31:25 Caller Okay, I have a nice boyfriend and we hadn't talked for like four years. And just recently we started talking. He's in the Marines stationed over by you guys in California.

1:31:36 Drew Pendleton?

1:31:37 Caller Pendleton, yep. So I'm wondering, like I started to like get feelings for him over the phone. Over the phone, yeah, I know it sounds weird, but.

1:31:46 Drew Well, no, there's a reason he's talking to you too though.

1:31:48 Adam Why is he talking to you?

1:31:50 Caller I don't know, like maybe he's gotta have some feelings left.

1:31:53 Adam When exes get on the blower and start talking for a while, it usually means there's some interest there.

1:31:59 Drew Yeah, he's interested.

1:32:00 Adam Unless you still got his futon or something. You still have his futon?

1:32:05 Caller Futon, no.

1:32:06 Drew Catcher's glove, catcher's mitt, softball?

1:32:07 Adam Nothing, nothing over there that he wants?

1:32:12 Drew We think he's kinda interested in it. It's a sign. It's a sign? Yeah, we think.

1:32:16 Caller So when he gets back, I should tell him how I feel and get to know him.

1:32:19 Drew Maybe before, I would sort of set it up a little bit.

1:32:23 Adam Is he, he's out in Los Angeles, he's coming back, or San Diego, where the hell is he? He's going back to Cleveland. Okay, tell him how you feel.

1:32:34 Drew I'd set it up before he gets, because when he gets home, he's going to be distracted. He's walking home. You set it up, let him have a little expectation built on the homecoming.

1:32:40 Adam Right. Did he see any action? What'd he do?

1:32:44 Caller He was just over there working. He didn't get to go over to Iraq or anything, so.

1:32:48 Adam He didn't, so he didn't get to Iraq.

1:32:50 Caller He didn't meet any Iraqis in, huh?

1:32:52 Caller No, he didn't.

1:32:54 Adam You get, make up a big sign that says, a welcome home coward.

1:33:00 Caller He's the one that wants to go over there though.

1:33:03 Adam I know, but all the guys who don't get to go go say that. It's that sort of, let me at him and then hold me back.

1:33:08 Drew Angela, I think this is gonna work.

1:33:09 Caller Got a good feeling.

1:33:10 Adam What? Yeah, we feel good about this.

1:33:12 Caller Thank you.

1:33:13 Adam All right, we give it a blessing.

1:33:14 Caller Okay, thank you.

1:33:18 Adam Hey. Buy the DVD, by the way, the Tenacious DVD.

1:33:22 Caller I will totally do that.

1:33:23 Caller That's a wonderful homecoming gift.

1:33:25 Adam Good times. Oh yeah, military guys eat that kind of humor.

1:33:28 Caller Oh, they love it.

1:33:29 Adam They love it. The younger, the more, and the Marines especially. 17, 18 year old guys, love that kind of humor. All right, we're gonna take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:38 Caller Alright, guys. Bottom line, here's the deal. Looking to hook up? Sick of wasting time with the wrong person? One call is all you need to make. Call the dateline. The dateline.

1:33:46 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:52 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:34:08 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-N-1.

1:34:09 Adam Well, that's the best stuff.

1:34:11 Drew We told you. We told you it was the best stuff.

1:34:12 Adam I wanna thank the Andy Dicks and the Tristas and the 311s and the Jack Blacks. Yeah, I wanna thank them all for comin in and makin it possible tonight. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew sayin, mahalo.

1:34:32 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:35 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff.

1:34:38 Adam Management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Andy Gold.

1:34:43 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Tuesday, December 30, 2003