Episode 1000586498974

1:10 Adam That's talent's too uptight to have this show, by the way.

1:14 Drew Oh, really?

1:14 Adam It's too risky.

1:15 Drew Oh, not in Philly, huh? So we can say whatever we want about Philly, huh?

1:20 Adam I guess so.

1:21 Drew I hate those hoagie steaks.

1:24 Best Of Yeah, crazy.

1:25 Drew No, they're great. No, I'm from Philly, too, so I'm hip to the Philly scene.

1:30 Adam Did you get some new tattoos or something?

1:32 Best Of I have a lot of new tattoos. I have four new tattoos in the last couple of months. Where? I have one behind my ear.

1:37 Adam Of?

1:38 Best Of It's just a...

1:39 Drew Oh, yeah. It's like a... A Dizzle Doodle.

1:45 Best Of I have my dog's name on my arm. It just passed away. Who? I have...

1:51 Drew Did you do it because the dog passed away?

1:53 Best Of Yeah, I got it. Well, I knew my mom was going to put him down, so I got it the day before and I went with her and I showed it to him and he licked it.

2:03 Drew Oh, really? But it could have said Satan and he would have licked it too.

2:07 Best Of No.

2:07 Drew Let's be honest. So you got the Corky tat. What was the tat you got at 12?

2:14 Best Of It's on my ankle. It's just a Japanese character.

2:20 Drew And did you go to a tattoo parlor at age 12?

2:24 Best Of I had a fake ID.

2:25 Drew And what do you got to be, 16? 18. So a 12-yard and 18 ID? Because that's stretchy. You know what I mean? I can see that it's like that three years from 18 to 21 kind of thing, but 12 to 18, that's a rangey fake ID. Fake ID has got legs.

2:47 Adam It's symptomatic of what goes on in Philly, I guess, really.

2:49 Drew Alright, so did you have to show your ID at 12, too? And when did you get your 21 fake ID when you were like 13?

2:58 Best Of 15.

2:59 Drew Yeah, because the 18-year-old fake ID is good to get in a few clubs and get a couple of tats, but doesn't get you into the booze.

3:07 Best Of Well, what we do is we get the school IDs, which are better.

3:11 Drew Oh, really?

3:11 Best Of They're more believable.

3:12 Drew And school-like colleges. Like a university. Right. So if it says you're a junior over Temple, then it means, well, through the math, you've got to be over 18. That's good times. And you've got one at 12. When is your next one?

3:29 Best Of My next tattoo?

3:31 Drew Tat. Did you get another one at 13 or 14?

3:33 Best Of Oh, 15.

3:35 Any pictures?

3:37 Best Of Yeah. I have an angel on my back following a shooting star.

3:41 Drew Did your dad flip out at 12? How long did it take him to discover the tat?

3:45 Best Of A while. He found my tongue ring first. I got that at the same time.

3:49 Drew Was it in you?

3:53 Best Of He thought I was chewing on thumbtacks for a long time.

3:54 He didn't sit on it or something.

3:56 Drew So, well, when did you get the tongue ring?

3:57 Best Of 12.

3:58 Adam Did you hear about her dad, though?

3:59 Drew Yeah, Green Beret?

4:00 Best Of Yeah. No, he's not a Green Beret.

4:02 Adam But he has a grenade launcher in his truck.

4:05 Drew He had 70 kills in there.

4:06 Adam Absolutely.

4:07 Drew Yeah.

4:07 Adam Taught her to carry a shiv in fourth grade.

4:11 Whatever.

4:12 Drew He had a full front lawn was mined with balancing bettys. Cric wires everywhere.

4:16 Absolutely.

4:17 Drew Holes with a bamboo. Sharp bamboo. And you don't know what he did with the bamboo. He put it in water bison dung. So, in fact, the mailman when he landed on it.

4:27 Adam Yeah, it's good.

4:28 Drew He had a turret on top of the roof. A minority millimeter.

4:31 Adam A stepmom Vietnam vet nurse.

4:33 Drew Really?

4:34 Adam Yeah.

4:35 Drew Vietnam vet, your stepmom must have had just that thousand yard stare constantly. I mean, the Vietnam vet nurse, I couldn't imagine anything hairier than that job.

4:45 Best Of She's amazing.

4:46 Adam Really?

4:46 Drew She's seen everything.

4:47 Best Of I've never, in the 12 years that I've known her, I've never ever heard her raise her voice.

4:52 Drew Really?

4:52 Best Of She's just...

4:53 Adam She had her tongue cut out.

4:55 She did not have her tongue cut out.

4:57 Drew Did you call her and took her tongue out? Oh, Drew, please. Did she have her tongue cut out?

5:02 Best Of She is responsible for the woman's memorial in Washington, DC.

5:05 Adam Oh, really?

5:06 Yes.

5:07 Adam She has amazing women in her life, Pam.

5:09 Best Of I do.

5:09 Adam Her mom is head of a cardiac transplant unit.

5:12 Really?

5:13 Adam A physician, yeah.

5:14 Drew What the hell happened to you, Pam?

5:16 Best Of I'm pretty influential, damn it.

5:18 Drew You turned out great, but what's with all the tats and the piercings and the crazy energy? I know, but it's weird because usually... Mom went home.

5:27 Adam Mom was out busy.

5:29 Drew Oh, Mom was out working a lot. All right, so you were asserting yourself.

5:33 Best Of Exactly.

5:33 Drew All right. And your dad, when he's not killing people with piano wire, what does he do?

5:41 He has a paintball camp.

5:43 Best Of He has his own insurance company and he was my manager for a long time.

5:48 Drew Oh, my goodness. I could see him selling insurance. Like, hey, you're a parent, you're a father, you have a couple of kids.

5:54 Let's say you're walking out to the car and a guy drops down from a tree and slits your neck with a rusty candlelit just to watch you bleed.

6:03 Best Of You're joking, but you sound like my dad.

6:06 That's such a bad idea, right?

6:08 Let me give you another scenario, buddy, with no insurance. You open the car door, but it's been booby-trapped by Charlie. Batteries hooked up to about 30 pounds of plastic in the trunk and you go up like a Roman candle. Next thing you know, your wife and kids are on a hurry to make a buck. You want that to happen, son? No, I didn't think so. Give me, Rob, give me 20. Get down there. Your last easy day was yesterday. Sign right here. Mutual Omaha.

6:38 Drew We'll take care of you. That's what your dad would do, right? Pink.

6:44 He's lost it. It'd be a good way to sell.

6:48 Drew Guy walks in, honey, mister.

6:50 You'll address me in a clear and present tone. Don't eyeball me, son. Don't look down when you talk to me.

7:00 Best Of Get off your knees.

7:07 Drew He's not that bad.

7:09 You'll address me in a clear and present tone. Not the force you use to con drug money off your liberal parents.

7:21 Yeah, that one's right behind you.

7:24 Drew What's his name? Your dad.

7:25 Best Of James. Jimmy.

7:27 Drew Jimmy.

7:29 Best Of Jimbo.

7:29 Drew Sergeant Jimbo. See, it's funny. James is scary. Jimmy goes nice and Jimbo goes psycho. See, the name's like, well, Jimmy sounds alright. And Jimmy, ooh, he could cut you. Jimbo, look at what's taking up the family. Alright, is he cool with everything now? Making the money.

7:47 Adam Why isn't that your manager anymore?

7:49 Best Of Because he couldn't separate daughter from artist type thing. I'm still his little girl.

7:58 Drew So he was your manager for a while. Is he alright with not being your manager?

8:04 Best Of He didn't, yeah, absolutely.

8:10 Drew This happens once in a while where the fighter is trained by his father, the artist is managed by the mom. They get a few years out of it but ultimately the wheels come off that way.

8:23 Adam It goes all the way back to Mozart for God's sake.

8:25 Drew Oh yeah? His dad managed him?

8:28 Adam He created and managed him.

8:29 Drew Really?

8:31 Adam He was a dog and pony show for his dad.

8:35 Drew Daniel?

8:36 Yes.

8:38 Drew You're 22?

8:39 Caller Yes, I am. I hope to someday be an actual guest on the show. Probably for a band or something.

8:47 Adam Sounds good. We welcome all visitors.

8:50 Caller Well, once I make it I'll be there. Anyway, Adam.

8:53 Drew Let's just hope we're not here when he comes.

8:55 Caller Oh, thanks. I was actually hoping to work with you guys.

8:58 Drew All right, buddy.

8:59 Caller Go ahead. I had a question about hobo power.

9:03 Caller Mm-hmm.

9:03 Caller I've been listening to you guys talk about it for a while now. I was curious as to where this certain stench I have encountered would rank on the scale. All right. Basically, the quick story behind it is I take care of a mentally handicapped guy for my job.

9:20 Caller Mm-hmm.

9:21 Drew You're already at four. Yes. You're already at four. Let me say take care of. You get to two when you go mentally challenged. Now you're four. Now keep going.

9:32 Caller I think I'm eight.

9:33 All right.

9:34 Drew We're at seven.

9:35 Caller And in the morning he made a bowel movement.

9:39 Nine and a half.

9:40 Caller Yeah. And it was so bad that my eyes actually started to tear up and...

9:47 Drew Where was now? If he cramped on a space heater or a radiator, now we're really talking.

9:53 Double down.

9:54 Drew I'm going to double down. That nine-five will be the nineteen, but where was the Duke? In the toilet?

10:00 Caller Yes, he was in the toilet, but also he kind of missed part of the toilet in the guy, the overnight shift guy. He actually had the heater on too high.

10:09 Adam There we go.

10:11 Drew Heat is a breeding ground for hobo power.

10:15 Adam We're in about the high twenties, really.

10:17 Drew Well, I don't know if we're going to give away high twenties, but certainly high keys, low twenties. Did you gag?

10:25 Caller I was gagging, and I would have vomited if I did not quickly run out of the room every probably 15 seconds.

10:32 Caller This is in the forties.

10:33 Drew But yeah, they said every 15, so he was able to go back in.

10:36 Yeah, yeah.

10:37 Caller Well, I had to because he actually had slipped and fallen onto the floor. I had to kind of slowly work him up, but I couldn't get in there.

10:44 What did he slip on?

10:45 Caller I think probably a little rug.

10:52 Adam You would have got another five points if it was a people matter.

10:54 Drew Alright, so let's say mid-twenties.

10:56 Adam No, no, it's thirties.

10:58 Drew Thirties? The guy made it number two.

11:02 Caller My eyes were also tearing up.

11:03 Drew Well, now my eyes are tearing up. Please. Drew, you can't start handing out, you can't start inflating the hobo power otherwise it loses meaning. It becomes like the peso. You understand? We can't keep inflating its value or we'll ruin the hobo economy. Pink, you're with me on that was a low 20. Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah. If he'd slipped in the fecal matter.

11:29 Adam Probably in the thirties.

11:31 Drew I would have brought it up in the thirties. Nick?

11:34 Caller Hey.

11:35 Drew You have a Florida or Germany?

11:37 Caller Germany or Florida.

11:39 Drew Oh yeah.

11:39 Caller It says Florida.

11:41 Drew You know what it is? They always write it on the screen, Florida or Germany and it screws me up.

11:46 Caller It's the theme song because that just makes me happy.

11:48 Drew Alright and hold on. Pink, tell me what you think of this singing because I'm pretty proud of this but you're pro. You know, don't let me sitting here influence your decision. Go ahead Anderson. Anderson?

12:05 Caller Hmm?

12:07 Drew Alright.

12:08 Adam He's happy.

12:10 Drew Pink almost vomited. I'm not a big fan of that song.

12:14 Best Of I'll give you points for doing it.

12:22 Adam I didn't like that one.

12:22 Best Of Who is that?

12:23 Drew I'm like that's, what's her name, from, Annabella from Bow Wow Wow.

12:28 Oh yeah, yeah maybe Pink. But what to do with cadence. Let's do it, yeah.

12:32 Best Of How's it supposed to sound?

12:36 Drew Yeah, it's not supposed to sound like anything. It's just the game is called Germany or Florida which is.

12:41 Adam Do you want to play the game for you?

12:42 Drew I'll explain the game. Which is, I'm trying to look at pink and your mic rod is in the way here. Screw me up, Drew. Tilt it down.

12:50 I'm trying to get my groove on here. That's better. Hey.

12:56 Drew Oh, look at those eyes. They're beautiful. Those aren't tattooed? Those are real? Germany or Florida. All bizarre evil comes from either Germany or Florida we've decided or we found out. Actually, I found out on Jimmy Kimmel's show, which is every time there's a weird story about somebody teaching their dog to heil Hitler or somebody having sex with a corpse, it's always Germany or Florida. So people call in, they give us a bizarre story and we guess, did it come out of Germany or Florida?

13:34 Caller All right.

13:35 Drew So let that move you as you sing our new theme.

13:38 Caller Let's do it.

13:39 Drew We'll do it and then Pink will do the Germany or Florida?

13:42 Caller All right.

13:43 Drew Nick?

13:46 Caller I can't say that much without giving it away so I'll keep it pretty big but basically there was this group of criminals and they were playing this big like basically an attack and what they used for weapons was cans of frozen peas mixed with nitroglycerin and they made like homemade grenades out of peas.

14:06 Drew Meaning when the nitro would blow the peas would spread out like pellets and you know it would be like a shotgun blast except you would be killed by frozen peas. They got caught. And I'm going to go Germany. Florida, they try to kill you with a coat hanger. They're not crafty enough with the nitro and the frozen peas.

14:32 Adam Who's doing that in Germany?

14:34 Drew Oh, oh, it's big over there. It's huge. It's on the flag. It's a thing, it's a frozen pea, it's a pea pod exploding. Ever see their flag? No.

14:44 Adam I thought it was three colors.

14:45 Drew I'm saying Germany. You can, oh, no, no, that's, oh, wait a minute, okay. I may be thinking of France.

14:53 Best Of Oh, yeah, I think you are.

14:56 Adam Finland.

14:56 Drew Finland? Whatever. I know I've seen a flag with a pea pod exploding. So, Drew, what do you think?

15:04 Adam I'm thinking Florida.

15:05 Drew You're thinking Florida? All right. We can disagree. Pink, what do you think? Germany or Florida?

15:16 Caller Germany.

15:17 Drew Germany.

15:17 All right.

15:18 Drew Pink's with me in Germany. Go ahead, Nick.

15:20 Caller Pink's right. It's Germany.

15:21 Who?

15:22 Drew Yeah. Who are these guys?

15:24 Caller It was Germans that were planning an attack on Buckingham Palace.

15:28 Drew You see that?

15:29 Adam For what? Like when Bush was there or something?

15:32 Caller I think they were just trying to kill the Queen.

15:36 Drew With peas?

15:37 Adam Yeah.

15:39 Drew I would... You know they should have worked in some of those pearl onions, too.

15:43 Adam Yeah, that would have been...

15:44 Drew They go nice with peas, but they're also a little bit bigger. They have a little more weight to them. All right, so that's how you play Germany or Florida, Pink. You're one for one.

15:52 Best Of And the questions are always, it definitely is Germany.

15:55 Drew It's either Germany or Florida. Yes, Drew was wrong on that one.

15:59 Adam You should learn never to disagree with Adam.

16:01 That's something you've got to think about.

16:04 Drew All right, so now it's time for you to sing the Germany or Florida song. And there's no cadence. You know what I mean? You can do whatever you want.

16:13 Best Of So it's any melody I want. Right.

16:15 Drew Any melody you want.

16:16 It just needs the Germany or Florida in it.

16:19 Adam It needs to be reminiscent of a 70s game show, ideally, ideally, ideally.

16:25 Best Of But I wasn't born until 79.

16:27 Drew Well, let's try a couple of different takes on it.

16:29 Freestyle.

16:30 Drew Yeah, just freestyle.

16:31 Best Of What does a 70s show sound like? Get out of there.

16:36 Drew Don't listen to Drew.

16:37 Adam Yeah, cheesy is good.

16:39 Drew Yeah, it's like a little musical sting.

16:44 Best Of Okay. Let me think of Les Mis real quick. See, I'm a singer. You can't ask me to do stuff like this.

16:51 Drew Yeah, that's why we need you to sing. Just get your game face on, you know.

16:57 Best Of Ready? Yeah.

17:02 That was good.

17:04 Drew I think you got better in you though.

17:05 Best Of Yeah? Oh, God. No, I mean you were there. I need a new melody though.

17:09 Drew No, you were there, I think at the very end, I think in the last millisecond, you gave up on it. You gave up on it. Yeah. You were there and then you walked away.

17:21 Best Of Ready?

17:27 Drew Yeah, that's good. All right, you got that Anderson?

17:30 Best Of I'm done.

17:32 Drew Fantastic.

17:32 Caller I think that was so powerful, I don't even need music for that one. No music.

17:37 Drew All right, but we're still going to use my version though, right?

17:41 Caller Tomorrow.

17:41 Best Of Your version was way better. Yeah, once I'm gone.

17:45 Drew You see, put a little music behind it during the break if you can, Anderson, we'll see how that turned out.

17:49 I smoked her on the break.

17:51 Drew Okay, sorry. Let's, and that's why they call it a break after all.

17:55 Adam I'm worried about you.

17:56 Drew Let's go to the bathroom, Drew. We need to talk. We'll be back after this. That's the Loveline.

18:01 Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

18:02 Drew Pink has been ushered out of the studio and taking her place, the Ataris.

18:08 Adam Fabulous.

18:11 Drew There, buddy, it's the Loveline.

18:12 Adam Adam, you've ruined the Ataris.

18:14 Drew That's right.

18:15 Adam You've ruined them. They were nice kids, they were paying attention to their fans. No, it's because of you.

18:21 Drew Well, listen, if you're going to be in a big rock band, you've got to act like it. People are cool with that. They like that. Nothing wrong with that. I had to give Drew that speech in many airports over the years. The Ataris are here.

18:38 That's true.

18:41 Adam I talked to people in the airport.

18:43 They beat it.

18:45 Adam Then they yell at me.

18:46 Caller I can do it all the time. I feel like I want to talk to everybody. I try to be totally humble. But then there was occasionally a couple of really freaky people. There was some guy that got my phone number and he called me. He's like, Hey, Chris, this is Josh. I'm like, Josh who? Let's see. No, I don't know Josh. No, I don't know Josh. He's like, I got your number in this wall at the studio you were at. I'm like, and he did. That's the thing. He was at the studio visiting. I'm like, don't you think that's a little bit freaking weird that you're calling me? You don't know me. You might know of me or you might think you know me, but it kind of ruins it for the other four kind of normal people.

19:20 Adam It highlights the core problem in our society, which is no boundaries.

19:24 Caller Exactly.

19:24 Adam Nobody has boundaries.

19:26 Drew Well, here's always my policy and I wish it was Drew's, although maybe it's fast becoming that. It should be everyone's, which is you treat everyone initially the same and well, but once, they F up a crack or two, you're gone. Then you just cut your losses and you're gone, quick. That's what people do. They'll go, I'm a big fan, I'm a big fan and then you'll go, all right, and they'll go, what's your name again? Your show is kind of chauvinistic and then you just go, okay, I'm gone, now I'm gone. That's all you need to do.

19:59 Adam Yeah, you're right.

19:59 Drew That's right. Give them a chance. Be fair. If people want to be nice, fine, but if they're not, pow.

20:04 Adam Well, but you don't like anybody interfering with anything when you're at the Arab public place. You don't like to have people in the Arab public place. Oh, please.

20:11 Drew I say hi to everyone all day.

20:12 Caller Hello, I'm Tom.

20:13 Adam Why are you all the way here?

20:14 Caller This guy followed me to a bathroom.

20:15 Drew I got to get back in the l.a. suit because you're holding me up and I'm secretly jealous.

20:19 Why, Drew? Yeah, it's just like me.

20:24 Caller I get pushed out of the way for him. That's right. Hey, the other night, I got a film for the first time. I was really stoked. This guy goes, he's like, man, because we're doing a meet and greet and he goes, oh, they just left. I want them to sign this. I'm like, oh, I'll sign. He goes, that's all right, man. Weren't you in your last band? I'm like, yeah, that's my band, Bandana Red, man. We were pretty good, right? And he's like, you guys from Seattle, right? I'm like, yeah, a lot of good bands come out of Seattle, man. It was awesome. I'm like, yeah, that was pretty cool. You know?

20:48 That always happens to me constantly.

20:50 Caller That's funny. They'll be like, oh, there's the guitar player. And the kid next to him will be like, no, it's not.

20:56 I'm like, were you guys just watching the show?

20:58 Caller You weren't out there.

21:01 Drew People, yeah, fame's fickle, yes, Drew?

21:04 Caller Yeah, whatever.

21:05 Drew True sports.

21:06 It's a bunch of crap.

21:07 Adam I let the singer all the time.

21:08 Drew Let's keep a roll in here.

21:11 Erica?

21:14 Drew You're 28?

21:16 Caller What's up?

21:19 Well, I basically had a question for Dr. Drew. I just started reading his book, Crack. I just wondered, first of all, if you think that it's possible for somebody who's been using heroin for 11 years, and I've been through detox, I've been through treatment, I can't even count how many times, but right now I have a job, believe it or not, and I. Want to stop so bad, but every day it's like the same thing, you know, I'm going to quit tomorrow.

22:03 Adam What has kept you from getting sober when you have been abstinent? Do you get with the program?

22:08 Yeah, with NA? Yeah, I mean, I've gone to meetings.

22:14 Adam What happens when you relapse? What are the circumstances?

22:22 Drew To be honest, what's with the crazy Comanche yell? What is that?

22:28 I was just like, I have so many questions to ask.

22:32 Drew You're exasperated. Excited.

22:34 Yeah, I really am. I was going to ask Drew if he would be my sponsor.

22:47 Drew He'll be your silent sponsor or you can never call him.

22:51 Adam Why female? Because other things can enter into male-female interaction.

22:55 Drew Oh, really?

22:55 Adam Yeah. It's just not okay. There are things about that that are not okay.

23:01 Drew Really? Does this work for all the drugs?

23:04 Adam Yeah, it's got to be the same sex.

23:07 Drew You never hear that underlined.

23:09 Adam Same sex.

23:09 Drew Oh, no? There are some hot chicks in CA. Especially CA has got hot chicks. I go to the West LA meeting every Friday.

23:18 Adam Erica, here's the deal. They're vulnerable. So, tell me what the circumstances are around your relapses. Why don't you get with the program?

23:28 Drew I do some producing, baby.

23:35 Adam What happens when you've been relapsing? Why don't you stay with the program?

23:40 Let me think. Well, most of the time it was because I was getting clean or going to treatment for my mom or for, you know, so that I didn't go to jail.

23:54 Adam You didn't want to do it yourself?

23:56 Drew Yeah, that's the thing.

23:57 It was a half-assed thing. I did want to do it, but it wasn't like gut wrenching.

24:03 Drew You can't get sober for your mom or your teacher or your dad. You got to do it for me, Adam Carolla. Do you understand? That's the only time it's important.

24:14 Adam Here's the deal. What about just going back to treatment now that you're ready?

24:19 Caller I would love to go back to treatment now that I'm ready, but the thing is, there are two treatment centers in Austin. I went to one the other day and the guy who is in charge of intake says, you know, Erika, you've been here, your treatment is savvy, you know what you need to do, blah, blah, blah, just go do it. And my whole thing is, you know, just 28 days or however long the program is, just the time away from all of the people and, you know.

24:45 Caller That's like the hardest part, I believe, of getting addictions, getting away from all those people and all those bad elements.

24:51 Adam Maybe just seven days inpatient, finish detox, go to Sober Living for three months, get entrenched in your program, you can go to work from Sober Living, get going.

24:59 Just do it.

25:00 Adam Just do it. You're ready now, Erica. Come on. Let's go, baby. You're ready.

25:03 Yeah. I mean, blah.

25:06 Adam And listen, your spiritual emptiness is palpable, right?

25:11 Caller Yeah. I can't even express to you how depressed I have become before.

25:19 Adam I understand, but it's...

25:20 Caller I wasn't depressed even shooting dope every day, it was okay.

25:24 Drew And now... Where do you work? Or what do you do for a living, baby?

25:31 Caller What is that that keeps happening? We're wondering.

25:35 Drew Yeah. I think, yeah.

25:37 Caller What do you do for a living?

25:39 Caller I work for a... I work for a market research company.

25:52 Caller You don't answer phones, do you?

25:53 Caller No, no.

25:57 Drew Yes, yes. We know what focus groups are. They're the ones that...

26:01 Caller So, I recruit people...

26:02 Drew .the program director had me quit talking so much.

26:05 Adam Do you have a dissociative disorder, Erica, where you kind of phase out and do things you don't know what you're doing?

26:10 Caller Well, I don't think I was diagnosed with that.

26:15 Drew You were. I was?

26:17 Caller No, I never was.

26:18 Adam I think Anne is just screwing with us.

26:19 Drew Oh, I see. You're ready to rock now, baby, yes? This is time.

26:23 Caller It's time. It's time, right?

26:26 Drew Do what Drew tells you what to do, yes?

26:29 Adam Seven days inpatient, three months over living.

26:31 Drew That's right.

26:32 Adam It's time. To do it on your own, you know it's half-assed. You're welcome to try. You can cold turkey it. Maybe you'll find a doctor that can detox you as an outpatient. I don't do it because it doesn't work. You know the program as they told you. You're a program center. You go to NA, get a sponsor, start doing the work.

26:46 Caller Try to find some friends outside of that circle of...

26:48 Adam A 12-step community.

26:50 Caller Within that, within the 12-step program, I'm sure you can find some people that would help.

26:54 Drew Speak to Lynn, who's... Drew, sock the mic two times in under a minute. Lynn is 23. Lynn?

27:02 Caller Hello?

27:03 Adam I thought you missed the first time.

27:05 Drew Now, I don't miss anything ever. It's true. When you only... I only miss the good things you do.

27:10 Adam Oh, yeah.

27:10 Drew When you do bad stuff, it all goes down.

27:12 Adam Oh, yes.

27:13 Drew Lynn, go ahead.

27:14 Caller Hello?

27:15 Drew Hello?

27:15 Caller Yes, I'm calling to find out if it's normal for a man to have an areola and not what I would call a normal-sized nipple.

27:26 Adam That could happen. That could happen.

27:28 Drew That's true. It's two saucers and not so much as a bump in the middle.

27:33 Caller And that's normal?

27:34 Drew He's an A.

27:34 Adam Yes, that could happen. I'm going to suck them to get them back. What would your fantasy be?

27:42 Drew I like a little nipple play. I have sensitive nipples. It crosses the throat when I say I have sensitive nipples.

27:49 Caller Do you men like your nipples sucked?

27:53 Adam Adam sure does.

27:54 Drew No, no. I'll tell you what we like. I think we like the idea of having our nipples suck early in a relationship. Like, if you're with a girl and you're on your third date and you guys are making out pretty good and all of a sudden the shirt is loosening up and she's giving you a little nipple work, you're thinking, oh, this is a good sign. This is a good sign. In that regard, we like our nipples sucked. But if you're in year eight, you don't want any nipples sucking, right? Unless the nipples attach to your dork and even then, it can be distracting. It would be great to put a nipple on your penis and be like, baby, how about a little nipple? And then you have her on a technicality, you have her feet, right Drew?

28:46 Caller Okay, so this leads me to my next question. What is the normal amount of time a couple should be having sex? How often?

28:57 Adam How often? Depends on the age and what stage in the relationship they're in.

29:00 Drew More yet. How long have you been together?

29:02 Caller About a year and a half.

29:04 Adam That would be like two times a week. Why? How old is he?

29:09 Caller He's 38.

29:11 Adam He's older.

29:12 Drew He's a little older.

29:15 Adam Yeah, they could slow him down a bit.

29:16 Drew What's up? You sound like a new born, Lynn. You're very naive sounding.

29:21 Caller What's up?

29:22 Caller No, I just, I guess I'm just trying to justify why we don't have sex two times a week. Maybe once or twice every two weeks.

29:36 Caller Does he work a lot? Does he work a lot?

29:39 Caller No, actually, we both are not working. We just took a trip across the country, so.

29:45 Adam How did you support yourselves?

29:52 Drew She had sex with truckers.

29:53 Adam She was such a nipple. Savings. Are you like, you were independently wealthy or something? No. Yeah.

30:10 Caller We have been in positions around the same time, and decided to get you up across country. We just haven't gone back to work, and it's been about a year.

30:25 Adam A year?

30:26 Drew Hold on, by the way, the position was not... I suppose this is TGI Fridays, it's not really position, really.

30:33 Caller And.

30:34 Adam That's CEO of a Fortune 500.

30:37 Drew We relinquished our position. Quite a handsome severance package. What did you leave? What job did you leave?

30:44 Caller I left a position in the workers' club insurance field.

30:49 Caller He was a door greeter at Walmart. Welcome to Walmart.

30:54 Drew All right. But listen, also, let me say this to Drew who does not understand this, which is many people and all the guys I grew up with and almost everyone I knew from age zero to age like 33. You worked, made enough. If you saved up $2,200, you quit. And then spent that $2,200 doing whatever. Then you went back to work again. Yeah.

31:18 Adam That's hard to understand.

31:19 Drew Well, it's what you do at 23. He's 38.

31:22 Adam He shouldn't be doing that.

31:23 Drew Whatever.

31:23 Caller He shouldn't be doing that?

31:25 Well, he's 38.

31:27 Drew He should probably be focusing a little bit more on securing the future.

31:31 Caller Sure, sure. But I don't think his future maybe has the outcome of maybe what you would say a normal future. Why? For marriage and children and-

31:41 Drew How come?

31:42 Caller I don't know. That would be a question for him.

31:45 Drew Then quiet. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back. We're back with the best stuff. Put down the phone, everybody. We're not here, but- But we're happy. Pick up the lubricant because Victoria Silvstedt is coming in.

32:02 Adam She's changed.

32:03 Drew Drew said she's gone to Hollywood. She's not that farm girl from Europe anymore.

32:08 Adam Running around naked with her sister, as you say.

32:11 Drew I still have her.

32:12 Adam All right.

32:12 Drew Everybody enjoy some Victoria Silvstedt. It's Lovato, Adam. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

32:22 Caller Victoria Silvstedt is in here tonight.

32:25 Drew Big, beautiful, Swedish drink of water.

32:30 Caller Anderson, turn the mic on.

32:31 Drew I know it only happens when every two guests...

32:36 Caller Oh, there I am.

32:38 Drew There's a reason for it. How come there's not a reason for it on other radio shows?

32:42 Caller Because they only have one person on the air.

32:45 Caller All right.

32:46 Adam Keep going. Adam, don't get derailed here. I like how you slipped in big too.

32:51 Caller All right.

32:53 Drew Anderson, please.

32:54 Caller You're 0 for 5 tonight. I'm not quiet down over there.

32:57 Drew Now, where was I? This show is so manning to me. Oh, yeah. Here's what I want to say about Victoria. And Drew will back me up on this. There's a lot of celebrity women and women that get featured in these men's magazines, details and stuff and all that kind of stuff. They look real good and you see them in real life and they're a little small and sort of unimpressive. They sort of remind you of a teenage boy in the 7th grade. Sort of a little flat chested, rolled shoulders and 5'3.

33:33 Caller You see these people in real life. A lot of guys like that.

33:35 Drew No, they don't. They like you.

33:37 Caller No, they're creamy.

33:39 Drew No, there's a lot of women who are, attractive women, like this sort of Sarah Michelle Geller kind of thing.

33:48 Caller According to these magazines, they all just get sort of lumped in together.

33:52 Drew But in real life, there's definitely a difference between 6 and boobs over here, and hair over there, and ass right in between. And that sort of wavy, sort of diminutive 5'3, chick with the rolled shoulders. Am I right, Drew?

34:10 Caller What are you trying to say with this?

34:12 Caller I'm saying you're the real deal. There's a lot of these celebrity things.

34:16 Caller I'm just a big girl, you know.

34:17 Caller There's a lot of tall, big boobs.

34:19 Drew A lot of these so-called sex symbols are almost pin-up girls. You see them in real life, and you go, I went to high school with chicks that looked like that. But I didn't go to high school with chicks that looked like you.

34:29 Caller No.

34:30 Drew No, I would have never left.

34:32 Caller I'm supposed to be the girl next door.

34:34 Drew I'm still being high school.

34:35 Caller Playmates are like the girl next door.

34:39 Drew Listen, I want to tell you who the girl next door is. January, February, March and April. Everyone is the girl next door. Please, next door to who? Next door to the To Hugh. To the Playboy Mansion. That's right. All right. Where are we? Yeah, well my pleasure baby doll. All right. And all the splosers outside wanting to get the autographs from Victoria and the magazines.

35:02 Caller There was a guy outside my hotel that drove down from San Francisco and he said he saw on the website, I was going to be here last Monday and he said, I drove all the way down to see you get your autograph. So I had to come all the way down again. I was like, I'm sorry. What do you want to? I almost felt bad for him.

35:22 Drew Heart spas, all loser. All right. Let's talk to a sploser. Sploser.

35:27 Caller That's my new word.

35:28 Drew Veronica. Veronica.

35:35 Caller Go to 5. Speak to Kara.

35:37 Drew Who's 19? Kara?

35:39 Caller Hello?

35:39 Drew What's up?

35:42 Adam Yeah.

35:43 Caller Oh, for everybody. I just recently started having sex about three or four months ago and I just got this the last past month or like three weeks, but every time during sex or at the end of sex, I get this huge cramping in my stomach that it's almost like I get hot flashes.

36:05 Adam After what period of time does that happen?

36:07 Caller I would say in a minimum of five minutes.

36:10 Adam Five minutes. And no matter what position you guys are in?

36:15 Caller Sometimes it's just, you know...

36:17 Adam No matter what basically?

36:18 Caller Yeah.

36:19 Adam And do you have any history of infections or anything like that?

36:22 Caller No. This is my first time having sex.

36:24 Adam Have you ever had a pelvic exam?

36:27 Caller Yeah. It was because I had to go on the pill. I was on the pill at least almost like five months before this and I had an exam and all that stuff.

36:35 Adam So it's been about eight months since you've had an exam?

36:37 Caller Yeah, I would say.

36:38 Adam So it's time to do that again. It's possible you got an infection.

36:41 Drew Is that what the cramps are?

36:43 Adam Could be. Doesn't that be an STD? It's possible you have an ovarian cyst. It's possible you have endometriosis. It's possible you have nothing. This is just sort of something you have to sort of maneuver yourself so he doesn't get into the depths where he can generate that kind of visceral discomfort. You know what I'm saying? You've got to kind of be attentive to what he's doing.

37:02 Drew Why were you on the pill for seven months before you started having sex?

37:06 Caller Because I wanted to wait like almost a full year with dating him before I did this. I wanted to make sure I wasn't going to make a stupid mistake.

37:16 Adam Anything we should know about him?

37:17 Caller I think I'm his ninth person.

37:22 Adam But is he...

37:23 Caller Hold on a second. We've got to talk.

37:27 Drew She's all caught up in the numbers. She's reiterated a few times, this is my first, my first. Anything we need to know about him? He didn't even come close to asking him. She's on the pill for a long time, she's worried that he's going to screw it over.

37:42 Adam Yeah, I'm getting what you're saying. She's very anxious about being sexually active.

37:46 Drew She doesn't want to get screwed over.

37:48 Caller I'm just wondering.

37:49 Adam Are you anxious about being sexually active?

37:53 Caller No, I didn't want to at all. But I just wanted to make sure. I have so many friends in high school. They get pregnant and I'm just paranoid.

38:01 Adam You're paranoid about pregnancy, not just about being sexually active.

38:04 Drew Did you ever get screwed over by a guy? Where's your dad? Is he around?

38:18 Adam He's not sort of an asshole himself?

38:22 Caller When did your dad rape you?

38:23 Adam I'm wondering why you picked to be with an asshole. That usually comes from dad.

38:28 Caller Yeah, I think I do. He's a really good dad, but I think sometimes he buys my love.

38:35 Caller He buys your love?

38:36 I wish my dad would have tried that.

38:40 Caller He's got my love. He's a good guy.

38:42 Adam But he's unavailable. Unavailability is what cheating guys do. They're not really invested in a relationship. But listen, get a pelvic pain.

38:51 Drew All you people, who likes trying to buy my love, that's a saint.

38:58 Adam I know just because you got nothing in that department, you think that's such a great thing for a dad to do. But the fact is, the emotional investment wasn't there and she feels it. All right, fine. That wasn't what she was calling about.

39:13 Drew Here we go. She's fine. She's got a little energy.

39:17 Adam Just get a pelvic exam.

39:21 Drew Your dad didn't try to buy your love, did he? Do your parents have money growing up?

39:28 Caller Everybody in Sweden is pretty equal.

39:30 Adam It's socialist.

39:31 Best Of No, is it socialist?

39:32 Caller We're fine. Everybody has a little house, a little car, but it's nothing.

39:36 Adam As I remember, you described it as a little town, like a little alpine town.

39:43 Caller A big people, a little town, but huge people walking around in a little house in the Volvos. It's very cute.

39:50 Drew Skiing and everything.

39:52 Caller I know for a fact that in Sweden, where I grew up, people started having sex really, really early. 12, 11, 12.

40:01 Drew They're big people though.

40:03 Caller You could say mature early.

40:04 Still 12.

40:06 Caller People don't really talk about it.

40:08 Adam I thought the parents started okay with it.

40:11 Caller But they don't know. Maybe they know, but they don't want to know.

40:15 Adam I heard that around 17, 18, they're sort of okay, it's time.

40:18 Caller Well, yeah, but I know they're like 12, 13 is very, very common. I mean, I'm sure now.

40:24 Caller Whoa. Victoria Silvstedt, about 12, 12 and a half.

40:31 Adam 11 and a half.

40:31 Got it.

40:34 Caller Thanks for getting suspicious.

40:37 Drew What's that, dear? Something about Sweden again?

40:41 Big people, little houses.

40:43 Caller I'm just saying, I think in general, we start earlier there to have sex. That's all I'm trying to say.

40:55 Caller No, I'd say 12.

41:02 Caller Alright, cut it out.

41:04 Drew Sweden has always been known as a sort of sexually liberated country.

41:09 Adam I think, God only knows though, that they are probably still in the same veil of the 70s that we had. They are still trying to recover from that.

41:16 Best Of Yeah, it's just a little slow.

41:18 Caller It takes time over there, you know.

41:20 Drew Is that you guys big into Ikea over there?

41:23 Caller You got an Ikea over there? We got bookshelves you put together with Ikea.

41:29 Drew We like to fipple with things. Isn't Ikea...

41:33 Caller Ikea is very Swedish, yeah. Is it Swedish? That's all we have there. All our friends is Ikea.

41:39 Adam I understand it's that kind of thing. I thought Ikea was like Korean.

41:43 Caller No, it started there and then it's very...

41:47 Drew How often do you get back to Sweden?

41:49 Caller About twice a year.

41:51 Adam Your mom's still around?

41:53 Caller Mom, dad and my brother. Yeah, they've been married for 35 years.

41:58 Drew What's your brother do?

42:00 Caller He's in high school. He's a professional golfer. He's number two in Sweden in golf in his age bracket. And he's 14. He's got a handicap one. He's going to be like the next Tiger Woods. That's in his mind.

42:16 Adam What's the huge age gap here? Was he an accident?

42:22 Caller I don't know. We were too much trouble. Two girls too close to each other when we were out of the house.

42:28 Drew They got busy again.

42:29 Adam The whole time the girls had no sex.

42:34 Caller Maybe.

42:35 Best Of You're really curious.

42:37 Adam This is what we ended up with last time. Oh my god, her dad. This is what we left last time.

42:45 Drew That's the whole thing. As a dad, as any parent, you want your kids to be healthy and symmetrical and attractive but let's not overdo it. I'd like my daughter to be decent looking but with a hook nose or a big ass.

43:00 Caller Something that's going to slow down the boys just a little bit. You know what I mean?

43:05 Drew Maybe really bad skin all through high school.

43:07 Caller That's why he wanted us both to be boys. He brought us up like guys. Like part of the Swedish ski team and training. H3 pushed me out on the slope. Okay, we must train. We must train.

43:21 He spoke to you in English?

43:23 Caller Yeah, but I'm just making fun of his voice there.

43:26 Best Of He's like a dictator. He wanted us to be little boys.

43:32 He finally got his little son.

43:34 Adam Did your dad suffer with that?

43:36 Caller He must have suffered.

43:37 Drew Are you a good skier now?

43:39 Caller He lost all his hair very quickly.

43:42 Drew Are you a good skier?

43:43 Caller Yeah. I competed professionally for 12 years.

43:48 Drew 12 years? It sounds like a beer poster, doesn't it? Miller presents the Swedish Swedish nude skiing, right? It's chicks in bikinis. Drunken guys with an ADIQ can beat off the poster. Let's take a little break. Victoria Silvstedt is here. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back. Oh, it seems like only yesterday Drew Marilyn Manson was in here.

44:25 Adam Well, that's because since you downed all that abacent, your memory has... I wanted to bring this up with you, but your memory has been severely dysfunctional.

44:32 Drew Who's talking? Yeah, Marilyn came in, bought a bottle of absinthe, I don't even... It's the kind of thing... First of all, you shouldn't make booze that makes it sound like you're drunk when you're saying it.

44:44 Caller It makes it sound like you have a problem, like, yeah, I'll have a bottle of absinthe. Listen, Daffy Duck, sounds like you've had a little too much.

44:52 Drew I haven't drank any yet. Yeah.

44:54 Caller What kind of logic is that, by the way?

44:56 Adam You know, even if you don't become disarthered like that, you start hallucinating anyway.

45:00 Drew Yeah, it's good stuff. And then a junior, junior, junior, junior, junior producer, Lawrence, stole the bottle. He brought it in for me and it was like, here's a present for you. I'm like, if I have a little one for myself.

45:09 Adam She's not been the same either. I didn't realize why.

45:12 Drew So enjoy some Marilyn Manson. I'm just thinking about something as I was seeing Manson eat a piece of pizza, which I thought is like, you gotta watch your figure. You know what I mean?

45:22 I do.

45:23 Drew You're not like some slob comedian. It's like some got hair all over his back and if he packs on 40 pounds, no one gives an ass. You gotta get out there wearing the corsets and the tight fitting spandex and the form fitting clothes. Yeah, it's like, I just, I was just thinking about it, which is, you know how we sort of feel sorry for women and that they can't get old and they can't get fat. Marilyn, you can't get fat.

45:48 No, I have a bit of a, you know, kind of complex about that at times.

45:53 Caller You have to, you wear too much tight stuff. You, I mean, I know it sounds maybe marginally insulting, but if you dress like half a chick up on stage, you gotta look right. Or guys won't want to F you.

46:10 I've kind of strangely maintained, I have a real high metabolism.

46:14 Drew Yeah.

46:14 And I don't eat a lot because I forget to eat and stuff. But, yeah, I've maintained almost the same kind of steady weight that I have since high school.

46:24 Caller I hold you.

46:26 Drew That's 34 you say? That's good that you're able to maintain it, because there's nothing worse than a guy with a corset and some love handle flopping over the back.

46:34 No, the worst is the skinny fat guy.

46:37 Drew Yes.

46:37 Yes. We've talked about that before.

46:39 Drew The skinny fat guy. Yes. The skinny fat guy.

46:42 Adam He's got the worst of hand of all, I'd say. That's right.

46:44 You've got to do Pilates.

46:46 Drew This is no calves and a double chin. Yeah. That's what the skinny fat guy is.

46:51 Caller Like normally, here's what you have to look for.

46:53 The rear belly.

46:54 Drew Yeah, for a fat guy, okay, so you're a fat guy.

46:57 Caller At least you're going to have some big calves and some big forearms.

47:00 Adam Look like Anderson. If you've got fat, you just be bigger.

47:03 Caller Yeah.

47:04 Drew They're guys who just sort of, their parts get bigger as they get bigger. I always hated those guys and then they're guys who just get the love handles, the double chin and the arms.

47:12 Adam The worst, not even the love, but just like a layer of fat.

47:16 Drew Right.

47:17 Adam It's just all over their fingers.

47:19 Drew Right. You want to know a skinny fat guy? Tim, what's his name from Son of the Beach? The lead from Son of the Beach. I can think of Tim's last name, but he was on the show. He's a skinny fat guy. Another word for skinny fat guy is sort of skinny sloppy.

47:38 Adam Or doughy.

47:38 Drew Yes, you're doughy. It's you're not exactly fat. You're skinny and soft, which is a bad combo. Now you're like a small car that gets horrible mileage.

47:47 Adam Stop pointing at Marilyn Manson and saying, you, you, you.

47:50 Caller One.

47:50 Adam One would be.

47:52 I'm a complexer.

47:54 Caller One is that way. No, I have that too.

47:56 Drew If I put weight on, I put weight on my head and my love handles. I still got the skinny arms. You know what I'm saying?

48:03 Caller It's a bad combo.

48:04 I've been putting it on. My genitals have gotten fatter over the years.

48:09 Drew My sack, not my penis.

48:11 Adam Your sack just like.

48:12 Drew The left side of my sack is kind of larger.

48:14 Adam It's like a chameleon an anvil in there or something.

48:17 Drew One side. Yeah, Drew, how do you know this?

48:20 Adam We've been traveling a lot.

48:21 Drew One side of my sack. Here's where I put weight on. Love handles, chin, and my left nan. Those are my weight places. I'll tell you the best combo for putting on weight and putting on size is the Samoans. They pack the weight on, the calves get bigger. They pack the weight on, the forearms get bigger. They just start getting huskier and huskier.

48:46 Caller Don't say husky in front of me.

48:51 Drew Alright, so anyway, you have to keep your girlish figure in order to get in those crazy outfits, right?

48:56 Caller I'm doing my best. I like to keep that deathbed look that is he ill. That's my look.

49:04 Drew That's good. Well, you need to not go out in the sun too much. Don't exercise.

49:09 Caller I exercise.

49:10 Drew Too much.

49:11 Caller No, just...

49:12 Drew Well, you could walk and do some cardio stuff.

49:14 Caller I exercise my liver a lot.

49:18 Drew Right, right, right. Right, and it's important to have sort of a negative attitude. Are you... What about religion? Atheist?

49:27 Caller I wouldn't say atheist. I mean, I went to a Christian school as a kid.

49:30 Drew You did?

49:32 Caller That traumatized me. I kind of got kicked out because I put a dildo in my Bible teacher's desk because she was real. She was the bane of my existence.

49:42 Drew Were you an extrovert?

49:44 Caller No.

49:45 Drew You were withdrawn.

49:46 Caller I felt like I did not fit in at all, but I tried to fit in. It was real cult.

49:55 Drew You grew up?

49:56 Caller My parents weren't religious. They just wanted me to get a good education, so they sent me to a private school and spent... We were very middle-class.

50:05 Drew Your parents were together when you grew up?

50:07 Caller My parents are still together.

50:08 Drew Still together? How are they doing with you?

50:09 Caller Are they cruel?

50:10 Caller Oh, yeah, very.

50:11 Adam I talked to his dad at an MTV event.

50:13 Caller Oh, really?

50:14 Adam Nice guy.

50:17 Caller Where's a lot of leopards can stop?

50:20 Drew Corset? He's a funny guy. Your parents enjoy your success?

50:24 Caller Yeah, I just visited my parents in Ohio and my dad introduced me to his new neighbor who offered me marijuana.

50:32 Drew It just arrived in Ohio last week. It's like a new invention there. Where was it? I'm just interested in your family. What did your dad do for a living or what does he do for a living?

50:42 Caller He was a salesman.

50:43 Drew He was a salesman in Ohio. Parents together, brothers and sisters.

50:48 Adam Remember the grandpa?

50:50 Drew Screwy dressing grandpa drove a truck. Brother and sister?

50:54 Caller No, only child.

50:55 Drew Only child. Parents sent you to a religious Catholic school in order to get a decent education. But you felt weird and out of place.

51:05 Caller I got kicked out in 10th grade purposefully. And I went to public school which was my dream to, you know, with the rest of the kids in my neighborhood and got my ass kicked repeatedly because I was the kid from Christian school.

51:19 Drew Were you dressing different? Were you looking different?

51:21 Caller No. You know, I didn't really have a place to fit in. It wasn't the jocks or the burnouts at the time. That's what it was the term. So you know, I tried to fit in. Just did my time. It was like prison.

51:32 Drew So you graduated high school and did what?

51:34 Caller Then we moved to Florida. But that's when I started getting into just trying to figure out what it was I was going to believe in and you know, it was a matter of just, it wasn't school that I learned things from. You know, I'm a very self-taught and just curiosity led me to a lot of places. So you went to? No, it was just a niche, Satanism, every different thing in the book and people always misunderstand and think that I hate God or I hate Christianity. I hate the way people use religion to ruin other people's lives and to control people. You know, for me, God kind of means creation. That's what it represents. I don't believe there's a God or Satan, either one. It's the way the man describes his personality, but if you're an artist or if you do things, even if people don't like them, you create. That's religion for me. So, doing what I do is my definition of religion.

52:36 Drew And sucking the occasional toe.

52:39 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

52:39 Caller Well, that's virtual.

52:40 Caller All right.

52:42 Drew Josh?

52:42 Caller Yes, sir.

52:43 Drew You're 21?

52:44 Caller Yes. I actually just got a question for Marilyn Manson, and first of all, I want to say that Adam and Drew, I respect you both very much.

52:54 Drew Thanks.

52:55 Caller However, he has no respect for me.

52:57 Caller Oh, no, no, no. I think you're a brilliant artist.

53:02 Caller Thanks.

53:03 Caller Definitely. And what would you most like people to get out of your music?

53:11 Caller Well, that's something that people have asked me from the beginning. And I've come to realize that you can't misunderstand what I do because I want everyone to understand it differently.

53:26 Caller So, there's no misunderstanding.

53:29 Caller If everyone perceived it in the same way, then it would be boring to me. Being Marilyn Manson, being who I am and doing what I do, it's meant to be abstract in a way because it's always evolving with my personality because it's a reflection of me as a human, you know, and everybody changes as you go along.

53:50 Drew If you weren't pissing off a certain percentage of society or offending a certain percentage of society, would you up the ante? Would you feel like you weren't doing enough?

54:02 Caller Well, no. I mean, that's not the goal, but that's the end result that's important that if everyone liked what you did, then it would be worthless.

54:12 Adam Is offensiveness what you're going for?

54:14 Caller I think it's provocative is what I'm going for. What I want people to take from it is that they took anything from it, that they thought. The way I look at it is what I do is a question mark and I want people to find the answers for themselves. Everybody wants artists to give them the answers and when they don't, that's when they start blurring the lines and that's why I get blamed for the things I get blamed for. I don't sit there and say, no, it's just for show, no, it means this, no, it means that. Because there's no point in that. I explain myself by what I create. Why should I explain my creations?

54:57 Drew I know. I'm that way when I break gas like at the writers' meeting. It means different things to different people at the table. For some it's a win.

55:06 Adam But you have an intention. Be clear here.

55:08 Drew I don't know, Drew.

55:09 Caller You see, it's a fartist.

55:11 Drew I really feel like...

55:12 Caller A fartist?

55:13 Drew It's a fartist. I feel as if it's my job.

55:16 Caller I've always said that art is one letter away from fart. If you take anything from it, even if you hate it, that's the job accomplished because But you're not trying to create rapture, you're trying to create an unsettled feeling. It's chaos. It's uncertain chaos, but if you make something, it's not complete until somebody else does something with it or experiences it, otherwise it's like the tree falling in the forest, no one's listening.

55:44 Drew Mike?

55:45 Caller Yes.

55:46 Drew You're 20?

55:47 Caller Yes, correct.

55:48 Caller What's up?

55:49 Caller All right. There's this girl I met at work and she likes me. The only problem is that I'm a homosexual. She knows that I'm gay but she didn't find out until actually about a month ago. She thinks it's okay but she still has this fixation with me.

56:08 Adam That she wants to be your girlfriend or wants to have sex with you or just wants to be your friend?

56:12 Caller She wants to be my girlfriend.

56:13 Adam And you've said no to her?

56:15 Caller Correct. I told her. I've been trying to tell her.

56:18 Caller Do you do anything with her?

56:22 Caller No, I have never done anything with her.

56:23 Drew How about throwing her something? You close your eyes and pretend it was a dude.

56:27 Caller What does it describe her?

56:29 Drew Yeah, is she hot?

56:30 Caller She's very good looking. I mean, she's a beautiful girl.

56:33 Drew Yeah.

56:34 Caller But I've tried to tell her and it's like it's not going through to her that I don't like her that way. Like I do have feelings for her. That's how it all started. But I don't think I could see my dating her.

56:45 Drew You do have feelings for her?

56:47 Caller I do have feelings for her.

56:49 Drew Well, what do you mean you have feelings for her? You're gay.

56:51 Caller I know, exactly. I'm attracted to her, and I know I don't want anything sexual from her. And I've tried to tell her that she's a virgin. And so even if I did do anything, I wouldn't want to because of that.

57:05 Drew This is a diabolical way to get young, stupid chicks to be attracted to you, by the way. Just explain to them that you have feelings for them, but it's not a sexual feeling. Although I find you attractive, I'm not attracted to you.

57:16 Adam And shut the door with gay.

57:19 Caller The clitoris would explode, and you would never mess with a virgin.

57:24 Drew All right, Mike, I don't understand what your question is, though. So who cares? Tell her to get lost. That's it. Okay.

57:30 Caller Cuddling.

57:31 Drew What do you want us to say?

57:32 Caller I don't know. I just don't know how to explain to her. How do I cuddle?

57:38 Caller Well, here's the thing. If you've got any other guy friends that aren't gay, the fact that you are not going to steal her virginity is almost a crime in itself.

57:49 Drew Yeah.

57:50 Adam So all the other male friends will kick your ass?

57:52 Caller They're going to be upset.

57:54 Drew Maybe he could die.

57:55 Adam No, no, no. Stop it.

57:56 Drew All right. All right. Mike. That's it. I'll tell you what you should do. Let her catch you blowing a guy. Or corn-hauling, actually, because that will gross her out and that will be it. Chicks can't picture that and if they do, it freaks them out.

58:10 Adam Can you just show his porn collection?

58:11 Drew Remember once in a while? Marilyn, you ever been with a guy?

58:16 Caller In what way?

58:16 Drew Sexually.

58:18 Caller Not in a literal way. In a comical way.

58:23 Drew Comical way?

58:24 Caller Yeah.

58:24 Adam Like an artistic, experiential way?

58:26 Caller No, no. Was he wrong? I'll do anything that you can't meddle with me kind of way.

58:34 Drew Oh, I see. Like, yeah, you think...

58:36 Caller I'm not embarrassed about anything and I'm confident enough with my sexuality to put a limp penis with a condom on it in my mouth.

58:44 Adam How did your mom feel about your artistic expression?

58:46 Caller You know... Well, that... She had a stroke yet or is she okay?

58:49 Drew It was more just a bet, Dorit. It wasn't that.

58:51 Adam I'm just thinking about mom, poor mom.

58:53 Drew What about poor mom? A guy who's making millions of dollars a year is probably bought in his 80s by now.

58:58 Caller She's all right with everything that I do actually because my mom loved Elvis as a kid. They almost named me Elvis and she, you know, this is her way of getting me out on Elvis.

59:10 Drew Yeah. Do you throw them a few bucks?

59:13 Caller Oh, I support my parents because they're both retired but not any kind of pension so I take care of my parents.

59:18 Drew Yeah. Well, there you go. What are they going to do? Kill the goose that lays that sucks a golden egg? Yeah. What are you going to do? And listen, I'm not so sure the limp penis with the condom in the mouth is gay.

59:31 Caller As long as I don't get an erection, I'm straight. There's rules. I put them in my butt.

59:36 Drew Right. Right.

59:36 Caller If you get sperm on you, you're screwed for life.

59:39 Drew Yeah.

59:40 Adam But if it turns you, it's like the Wicked Witch with water. You turn into something.

59:44 Caller Yeah.

59:44 Drew I see.

59:45 Caller I mean, screwed in the sense that you're going to be gay. I'm going to do that disclaimer. It's okay if you're gay. I hate when people do that on your show. It's okay if you're gay. I don't care if someone's gay.

59:55 Drew Right.

59:55 Caller But everyone always does that disclaimer. Which one? Where they're like, where they say, well, it doesn't matter if you're gay. Or they're like doing that, the PC thing.

1:00:06 Drew Yeah.

1:00:07 Caller I mean, everyone knows if you've had a limp penis with a condom on it, you don't care if someone's gay.

1:00:12 Drew Right.

1:00:13 Caller So I don't have to do a disclaimer.

1:00:14 Drew Right. But by the way, that is not gay.

1:00:17 Caller No, it's not gay at all.

1:00:18 Drew The penis is limp, true.

1:00:20 Adam I'm saying I'm taking notes.

1:00:21 Drew Now, what about a sack in a Ziploc bag?

1:00:26 Caller No sacks.

1:00:27 Adam What do you mean, sack in a Ziploc bag?

1:00:28 Drew I don't even like to...

1:00:29 Caller I don't even like...

1:00:29 Drew A sack and put it in a Ziploc bag and Manson put it in his mouth. Oh, I see. I don't think that would be gay. Now, for me, it wouldn't.

1:00:37 Caller It's a bit of a weird impulse.

1:00:39 Caller I'm not going to put a sack in my mouth.

1:00:40 Adam Yes, it would.

1:00:41 Caller I don't even like to acknowledge my own testicles. Yeah.

1:00:45 Drew A sack, gayer than a limp penis in the mouth?

1:00:48 Adam Yeah.

1:00:48 Caller See, but to me, it's more navel.

1:00:50 Best Of It's more intimate.

1:00:51 Caller It's more intimate.

1:00:52 Adam Yeah.

1:00:52 Drew More intimate.

1:00:53 Adam It's a weird impulse for a straight guy.

1:00:56 Drew Now, I'm just saying, I think the penis, gayer because that's...

1:01:00 Caller The instrument.

1:01:01 Drew Yeah, that's the instrument. You know what I'm saying?

1:01:03 Caller That's the commitment.

1:01:04 Drew Hey, I'm a sack guy, so shoot me.

1:01:09 Caller Let's talk to...

1:01:10 Drew Who are we going to talk to, Drew? Hey, Aspen.

1:01:17 Caller Hey.

1:01:17 Drew Hey, you're 14. What's up?

1:01:19 Caller First off, I want to say Marilyn Manson. Wow, you're anti-Christ.

1:01:24 Caller Album, moody, sexy. Love it. And also, you may or may not remember me, but I called like a year ago with that, you know, a normally high sex drive thing.

1:01:37 Adam Oh, are you talking to us?

1:01:39 Caller Yeah.

1:01:40 Drew Manson.

1:01:40 Adam No.

1:01:41 Caller I would have remembered it.

1:01:42 Adam We have calls like that pretty frequently. Go ahead. What's the issue?

1:01:46 Caller Okay.

1:01:46 Caller Thank you, by the way.

1:01:51 Adam Go ahead.

1:01:51 Caller Okay. And I have no sex drive.

1:01:55 Adam You know what? I do remember you. You were worried that because you were preoccupied, I strangely remember this call. You were completely preoccupied about sex all the time and you thought that was weird and there was something wrong with you.

1:02:06 Caller Exactly.

1:02:06 Caller Did I drive you to it anyway?

1:02:09 Adam And what?

1:02:09 Caller It was a Mason jar call, you know?

1:02:11 Caller Did I drive you to it in any way?

1:02:15 Adam You?

1:02:16 Caller Yeah.

1:02:17 Caller Mr. Manson?

1:02:18 Caller Yeah.

1:02:21 Caller I just really like your music.

1:02:24 Caller I was just kidding.

1:02:24 Caller And you being Christian, I support you in all, you know. It doesn't matter.

1:02:28 Drew Sure.

1:02:28 Caller Oh, good.

1:02:29 Drew Thank you. What? It was an Ass Mason jar call?

1:02:32 Caller It was a bogus call.

1:02:33 Drew That's basically code for bogus. Ass the size of a Mason jar.

1:02:40 Adam So I'm not remembering the call.

1:02:43 Drew Let's talk to Melissa at 16. Melissa?

1:02:46 Caller What's up?

1:02:48 Caller Well, my boyfriend and me have been dating for like four months now. And me and him are like really cool and everything like we talk all the time and he bites me in class.

1:03:00 Caller Where?

1:03:01 Caller Like on my arms or on my shoulder.

1:03:04 Adam Does he draw blood?

1:03:05 Caller Well, yeah, he has like twice.

1:03:08 Adam In class?

1:03:09 Caller I have. It's the same problem.

1:03:11 Adam You do?

1:03:12 Caller I like to but I'm conscious of it and I don't know if it's like absent related but my girlfriend has told me that in the middle of the night, just savagely but on the back, not like vampire Dracula nonsense.

1:03:29 Adam My patients have done that when they have been manic. You ever get a little manic, you don't sleep at all and you're hyper verbal. But it appears to me you really get into that mode where you're way out.

1:03:42 Caller It's just weird because I have always been like that. I used to bite my own hand.

1:03:49 Adam Biting is a form of aggression. It's an expression, a very aggressive expression and an oral aggressive impulse.

1:03:55 Caller Is he just being funny, your boyfriend?

1:03:58 Caller I don't know because the thing is I was playing around with him one time and I bit him and he bit me back and since then he's been biting me. But the thing is he bit me once on my hand and he actually left me a scar there. I had a bruise and it didn't go away for like a month and a half.

1:04:15 Adam This is a very aggressive impulse on his part.

1:04:18 Drew Once you spray some apple bitters on you, you get the message. Treat yourself like a pet who's chewing his own ass.

1:04:25 Caller Wear a garlic necklace.

1:04:27 Adam I'm interested in your biting thing because I've always seen a couple of cases that I'm not sure that my sort of impressions are accurate but were you really sort of super manic and it was at the time when you were ultra sped up and not sleeping and that kind of stuff.

1:04:39 Caller I don't know. It was just like something like sleepwalking.

1:04:44 Adam No, I know. I absolutely understand what you're saying but the only time I've seen it, well the pattern I've seen is when people are in sort of a manic phase or like working excessively.

1:04:52 Caller Yeah. I mean I'm always, I mean there's not a time when I'm not working.

1:04:57 Adam But was this an extra high phase? Do you remember?

1:04:59 Caller I'm not sure. It's kind of constant. I mean I just, but it's not violent. It's not violent. It's not like, well it's aggressive. Like I don't bite real hard. Right.

1:05:10 Adam You don't mean to harm kind of thing, but it's just a sort of out, sort of aggressive outburst.

1:05:14 Drew Why wasn't during the time the limp penis with the condom was in your mouth?

1:05:18 Adam Well that's what he's worried about.

1:05:19 Caller That would have been.

1:05:19 Adam That's what could have happened.

1:05:21 Drew Yeah.

1:05:21 Caller But I've, yeah.

1:05:22 Caller I've like bitten my friends too.

1:05:25 Caller Good times. Let's take ourselves a little break. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:05:36 Caller It's the Loveline.

1:05:38 Drew Best of the Loveline.

1:05:39 Caller I saw the fart go Drew.

1:05:40 Adam Yeah you did.

1:05:41 Drew Yeah I did. Nothing wrong with that.

1:05:43 Adam Consistent with the best of theme too.

1:05:45 Drew That's right.

1:05:45 Adam Well done.

1:05:47 Drew Thank you my friend.

1:05:48 Adam Hey, Heidi Fly is coming in.

1:05:49 Drew I'll tell you she is a delight.

1:05:50 Adam I did the IQ show with her after.

1:05:53 Drew Celebrity IQ? Yes. What'd she get?

1:05:56 Adam She didn't win.

1:05:57 Drew Well, listen, I can't pay. What'd I get? I got a 91. I took it online, but I got a 91. She do better than a 91?

1:06:05 Adam They only told the winners in the winner's score.

1:06:08 Drew Oh, really? And Drew, you won?

1:06:10 Adam I won.

1:06:10 Drew Yes, you did, buddy. All right, everybody. Enjoy the moderately intelligent Heidi Fleiss. Hey, everybody.

1:06:21 Adam It's Loveline. I'm Adam.

1:06:23 Drew That is Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. I'm over here at Jimmy Kimmel Live in Hollywood. Heidi Fleiss is with Dr. Drew over in Culver City. Heidi, I don't know what you're... Are you plugging anything?

1:06:40 Adam It's sitting in front of me here. Go ahead.

1:06:42 Drew What is it?

1:06:43 Caller This is Pandering. It's my book out, my first book out, and I believe in this book. I think everybody will learn something from it, even if you don't like me, that you will learn something from this book.

1:06:54 Adam It is an amazing production. You've got to see this thing. It is set up like a picture book. What do you call these things?

1:07:05 Caller To me, it is just like a piece of art.

1:07:07 Adam It is like somebody's picture.

1:07:09 Caller Yes, a diary or something.

1:07:12 Adam It is set up that way. Each page has a bunch of pictures posted in it, a bunch of interesting...

1:07:18 Caller When I got out of prison, I had to see how the world had changed. I have been an avid reader my whole life, but people don't read a whole lot. I had to gear my book towards the X and Y generation with it very visual, very smart, very concise and very powerful.

1:07:33 Drew Now, Heidi, weren't people coming at you with book deals left and right back in the day?

1:07:38 Adam Oh, yes.

1:07:38 Caller I put one in the book for $3 million that I turned down in 1993.

1:07:42 Drew Why did you turn those down back then?

1:07:45 Caller They wanted me to write their kind of book, not my kind of book. It has everything in it. It has court documents, it has photos, it has my crazy philosophies. I don't sugar-coat it like I'm so great or anything. There's negative stuff about me in there.

1:07:58 Drew Is there any name naming or black book or any of that stuff?

1:08:03 Caller Maybe between the lines or maybe something in there, I don't know, but I just think it's a great book. It's about life and things that we all experience.

1:08:09 Adam Tell them what we were just talking about in the break. We were all sort of worrying about the world situation.

1:08:13 Caller This book addresses everything that we go through in life, age, beauty, love, hate, deception, betrayal, loyalty, Hollywood, and also teaches you just to enjoy every moment right here, right now and don't let the bigger picture, like everyone is so worried about war and this and that, which they should worry about, but you can't do anything about it, so just enjoy every moment while you can.

1:08:40 Drew What about the famous black book?

1:08:43 Caller The pages of it here, you don't see it here. Some of the FBI, the whole black book story is all in pandering. It's really...

1:08:53 Drew Oh it is. Where is this black book? Do you still have it?

1:08:57 Caller It gives the whole story about my business and the black book. It says even I put the search warrant in here and it says I ran my business by voice recognition. That means no black book ever existed. Of course, my clients were my friends and they knew me and I knew them and maybe I did have a book with names and numbers but really, I mean, there's no big secret book that just gets passed around to run a big sex business. It's just myth.

1:09:27 Adam Now we were left off. She was telling us about the surfer check that she made.

1:09:30 Drew Oh yeah.

1:09:31 Adam She was surrounded by prisoners.

1:09:32 Caller We're going back to prison, Dave.

1:09:33 Adam She was surrounded by prisoners.

1:09:35 Caller Okay, so I take this surfer chick, she looked like a cute guy. I was like, you know, I didn't touch her but I was like, oh, okay, that's good. After a few months, I told her, don't ever think of contacting me out in the real world and she freaked out. Why? Because, what am I going to do with her? I don't need any sex. Was she falling in love with you? She was like an airplane mechanic for TWA or something like that.

1:10:07 Drew What was she in for? Drugs?

1:10:08 Caller Yeah, like a 30 year sentence.

1:10:10 Adam She's still there?

1:10:11 Caller I don't know where she is. She started vandalizing the prison after I told her, don't contact me.

1:10:24 Adam You became friends or something or what, how did she get so involved with you that it freaked her out?

1:10:29 Caller No, well after, yeah, we got close. You get it?

1:10:33 Adam I'm bringing you between the lines, yes.

1:10:34 Caller Okay, we were close. I didn't touch her. I would just be like, oh yeah, that felt good. It actually was really good, but you know, got to do what you got to do.

1:10:44 Drew So when she's gone, do you find another girlfriend?

1:10:46 Caller I got transferred to, after she left, I got transferred across the street to a harder prison, much like I was way out-hustled, like they're much craftier than me. And there are people who will die there. There's serious prison. And there I met probably one of the smartest girls I ever met in my life. She's beautiful, a great person, her name is Sylvia, and she's in there for 20 years. She looks just like J.Lo.

1:11:10 Drew What's she in there for?

1:11:12 Caller Drug dealing. I mean, it's like America's Gustavo.

1:11:15 Drew Yeah, yeah. So did you find that most people, most of the women at least, were in there for drugs?

1:11:20 Caller Yeah, it's mostly drugs.

1:11:22 Adam Were there recovery programs behind them?

1:11:25 Caller There are recovery programs, but a lot of it stems, people are just like victims of their, you know, of society. Some of these women, I think that if they were brought up in a different environment, they would have gone to college, could have been, you know, biologists or whatever, could have had a different career, but, you know.

1:11:41 Drew Well, look at you, your dad's a doctor, right?

1:11:43 Caller Never blame the parents.

1:11:44 Drew That's what I'm saying, didn't keep you out of prison.

1:11:46 Caller It was the neighborhood, it was the neighborhood.

1:11:49 Drew Well, so, when you, walking away from the prison and sort of looking back on the experience and seeing the people that were in there, generally decent people who were underrepresented from a, from a law standpoint and basically got screwed and lots of drugs and all that. I mean, no, I mean, I'm serious, I see, I don't think we should be locking up everyone for drugs.

1:12:13 Caller I just, I think that the drug laws definitely have to be changed and they, these criminals who, violent criminals, were so lenient on them. It's crazy how someone could beat them to death with practically the butt of a gun and they get an eight year sentence. Someone who is selling weed gets a 25 year sentence. I just do not get it.

1:12:35 Caller Yeah, I don't get it.

1:12:36 Caller And then the ecstasy thing, I'm sitting on the prison rec field and I'm reading about ecstasy. I think I've taken ecstasy once in my life. I hated it, because anything that's going to make you hug and kiss an enemy, I'm not going to take. In USA Today, it describes ecstasy as it makes you want to hug and kiss and dance all night. Well, gee, let's make that illegal and AK-40, that's a bad thing to everyone. I mean, that doesn't make sense either.

1:12:59 Drew Well, look, the point is, I think that it just asks the people, do you want a guy who carjacks someone and pistol whips someone doing the same time as someone who's selling weed? The answer is obviously no, and that's how the laws should be reflected. I mean, it's real simple. I don't, I mean, the public seems sort of apathetic to it, but I think a lot of it is is they don't know what's going on.

1:13:26 Caller I don't know, maybe it's because we don't live, the cities we live in don't reflect the majority or something.

1:13:33 Drew But 80% of the women in there for drug-related causes.

1:13:36 Caller Yeah, it's crazy.

1:13:38 Adam Fantastic. All right, this is Laura 33, Laura.

1:13:42 I have a question. Mm-hmm. Well, you're called Dr. Drew. Mm-hmm. And I'm wondering, you know, why are you called by your first name? It's so informal. I mean, it seems as if you don't have any kind of...

1:13:54 Adam Because when I was......explication or...

1:13:59 I don't know. I mean, I'm not trying to insult you whatsoever. I believe... I mean, you're very popular.

1:14:05 Caller Maybe it has a tough last name.

1:14:07 I just would like to know what kind of authority you have to give advice on the air.

1:14:14 Caller You want his credentials mailed to your house?

1:14:15 Hold on.

1:14:16 Drew Because he goes by his first name? Is that because he goes by his first name?

1:14:20 Well, no, not only that, but I just want to know why he's giving advice.

1:14:27 Caller Where's his college professor? Let's bring him in there and see if he's really a doctor.

1:14:30 Are you ready?

1:14:31 Adam Are you ready?

1:14:31 I mean, he's on the air and he's not necessarily in practice if he's a doctor. And I was wondering, you know...

1:14:38 Adam Laura, will you let me speak?

1:14:39 Caller Yeah, sure.

1:14:40 Adam Okay. I'm an internist. I taught internal medicine. Then I became director of medicine at a psychiatric hospital for ten years. I became an addictionologist. I run a large addiction recovery program at a freestanding psychiatric hospital and I practice internal medicine every day.

1:14:54 Caller He's got a very busy schedule.

1:14:56 Adam The reason I use my first name is when I started doing radio twenty years ago, I thought I was doing community service. I did it for free for ten years and I didn't want anyone to think I was trying to develop a practice or use the radio to put my name out there. No one even knew I did it so I didn't use my last name. In the world, I was...

1:15:13 Caller Do you do anything on the outside?

1:15:15 Adam In the world? What do you mean?

1:15:17 Caller Outside other than radio for money?

1:15:21 Adam I practice medicine every day, like I said, and I run a large addiction recovery program. In the world, I'm Dr. Pinsky, and on the radio I use something totally different, two different letters.

1:15:30 Drew Laura, you understand... Screwball. Listen, first off, we're going to figure out what kind of drugs you're on in a second. Secondly, he starts the show at 10 o'clock at night.

1:15:40 Caller Well, my drug that I'm on is lack of sex.

1:15:43 Adam Shut up.

1:15:44 Drew Is it that impossible to believe that he might have a day-dream?

1:15:49 Caller Well, I can't get my old man to have a heart on, I don't know. I mean, he's on painkillers constantly.

1:15:55 Adam So he needs to get into recovery from the opiates. He's an opiate addict.

1:15:59 Drew What do you know? You're just a rough doctor.

1:16:02 Caller He's got...

1:16:03 Adam Laura? Laura? Laura, you've got to listen to me. I run a recovery program and one of the most common addictions we treat is addiction to oral pain medication for people who have chronic back pain. And magically, their back pain goes away when we treat their opiate addiction. And unless you treat that opiate addiction, nothing is going to change.

1:16:23 Caller Well, why is his doctor shooting stuff into his spine?

1:16:28 Adam I treat this kind of situation every single day. You've got to get evaluated by an addictionologist.

1:16:34 Caller Is this the reason why he can't get a heart on? Yes.

1:16:37 Drew Okay, baby. You don't have any kids, do you?

1:16:39 Caller I have a 16-year-old who gives me a hard time every day.

1:16:44 Drew But I bet just about everyone on the planet gives you a hard time. All right, Laura, what drugs are you into, Speed?

1:16:50 Adam Laura?

1:16:51 Drew Speed? What's your drug?

1:16:53 Adam There she is.

1:16:53 Drew Laura?

1:16:55 Adam Alcohol. Yeah, alcohol and pot.

1:16:58 Drew Alcohol and pot?

1:16:59 Adam Yeah.

1:16:59 Drew No Speed?

1:17:00 Adam No, this is alcohol and pot.

1:17:02 Caller I don't need any Speed.

1:17:08 Drew Listen, I'm a Gemini and I need like four pots of coffee before I can get my pants up. Are you kidding me? Oh, please, these people, what's wrong with everyone? They need their kids taken away from them.

1:17:21 Caller They have to take tests for everything else, what about the kids?

1:17:25 Drew Scott 25.

1:17:26 Caller Yeah, hi, I had a question for Heidi.

1:17:29 Caller Oh, no. Oh, no.

1:17:30 Caller You're such a beautiful woman. What made you want to get into this?

1:17:34 Caller You know, it's not something I really wanted to. It's just one of those things that kind of happened and as it was happening, I didn't realize it was snowballing into some huge enterprises. I didn't know I was going to corner the sex market or end up in three years in federal penitentiary and ten years of probation. It just kind of happened and I don't know.

1:17:56 Adam Now was your addiction getting going through all this too? Was it part of all that?

1:18:00 Caller I was addicted to the money and the thrill and it turned out to be the same.

1:18:03 Adam But thrill addiction is part of an addictive disorder.

1:18:07 Caller Well then everyone is addicted to something, whether it be water.

1:18:11 Adam Come on baby, who do you think you're talking to? What were your drugs?

1:18:17 Caller Heidi? What were my drugs? Everyone knows my story, it's embarrassing.

1:18:21 Adam Well last time we talked to you, you were getting into recovery.

1:18:24 Caller I was sober then. And now.

1:18:26 Adam And I'm just saying that every addict has a thrill mechanism. They either substitute thrill for their drug of choice or thrill is part of the evolution of their disease. And sex is sometimes part of that. Sometimes it's extreme sports, sometimes it's dramatic relationships.

1:18:39 Caller Publishing now is career driven.

1:18:42 Adam That's passion, that's still different.

1:18:44 Drew So are you sober now, Heidi?

1:18:46 Caller Yes, I slipped a few times. I had a couple times. It was hard readjusting to society. And in prison I had an experience where it was like the one time on earth I did not want to get high ever. In prison? Yes. I just got out of solitary confinement after like 60 days. It's a long story but I ended up throwing a metal chair at a correctional officer, two of them. It's a long story but I had to do it or else I would be like, Fleece clean that up, Fleece go get that, Fleece get this. So I end up, and it's sad but then you have to do those kind of things to show yourself.

1:19:20 Adam So wasn't solitary worse than being the boy?

1:19:23 Drew True, wait a minute.

1:19:26 Caller No, I really would have been, I hate to use this, but like a punk to everybody, to everybody, not just the officers, but everybody.

1:19:32 Drew If you didn't throw the chair or you didn't do the drugs?

1:19:34 Caller An officer was ordered, no the drugs from later, was ordering me, it's in my book, I don't want to bore you guys, but I was always ordering.

1:19:41 Adam Yeah, it's not boring.

1:19:42 Caller Fleece move these lockers, move these lockers. And I was trying to explain to her, you know, the barracks are symmetrical, the reason why the locker was moved was because of ants and she wouldn't let me talk, every time I talked she'd say, Fleece and get a direct order. And there was about five other inmates behind her laughing. So finally I said, do you want these chairs moved? And I want the lockers moved. They were lockers. I just grabbed two of the metal chairs, you know, that's standard. I grabbed them and I threw them right over her head. First one.

1:20:09 Adam On top of her head?

1:20:10 Caller Over. Over.

1:20:10 Drew And what was solitary like?

1:20:13 Caller Oh, God, it's very introspective. You... You see God? Well, put it this way, at night you're exhausted from doing nothing.

1:20:21 Drew Really. And so how does it work? You have just a small room, no windows.

1:20:26 Caller No windows. Reading material, yes, and your food comes through a slot in the door, and I think four days a week you have recreation out in a cage, and... Yeah, it's all caged in, and you shower, handcuffed to the shower, just like on TV when you see like on Dateline and stuff, when they...

1:20:44 Drew just like that.

1:20:45 Caller And so as there's 60 days, I got out, and I was like... I got a headache that first day out from standing up so long, because I was so used to laying down. But I read a whole lot.

1:20:56 Drew And you did drugs when you got out?

1:20:58 Caller Well, this is what happened. Like when I was in solitary, I could peek on the prison yard and see the prisoners. So I saw like the Slickster girls and these girls, and you know, people are getting... some girls were getting into trouble just to come into the unit I was in just to meet me. And I was like, great, you know. That's really thrilling. And then so when I got out, these little Slickster girls, I was with maybe four of them, I was hung out with them. They're like, Heidi, come here, come with us. They took me to a little part of the prison where no one else could see. And then there's four of us and they put out four little lines of drugs. And it was the one time in my life where the last thing I wanted were drugs. I mean, I wanted eyes all over my back of my head. And I had to do it because if I didn't do it and someone got in trouble, all the female pointing would be whatever. So I did my little line. One hour later, an officer is like, Flies, come here. And the captain is like, tell me if you did it and you don't have to go back in. I went back in for 45 days.

1:21:57 Drew Solitary? So you didn't squeal.

1:22:01 Caller No. I took the speed test.

1:22:03 Drew You're no stoolie. And did you see drugs in prison a lot?

1:22:06 Caller Rarely. I mean, you don't think they were rare?

1:22:08 Caller Rarely. Rarely. It's hard. It's really hard to... You know, the way the federal system is set up, it's just really hard and it's so scary because people are in there for life and stuff. And you know, the stakes are so high that people don't want to take a chance.

1:22:20 Caller Wow.

1:22:21 Caller All right.

1:22:21 Drew Let's take ourselves a little break.

1:22:23 Caller This is fascinating.

1:22:25 Drew Yeah, it is.

1:22:25 Adam Another book here.

1:22:26 Drew Glad you did this, Hattie. I mean, you know...

1:22:28 Adam If we're a system we can all learn, yeah.

1:22:30 Caller Now you know what it's all about.

1:22:32 Drew We'll take a little break.

1:22:33 Caller It wasn't the Patty Hearst days where they had night mean coats and...

1:22:36 Drew Yeah.

1:22:36 Caller It was like a nightclub back then.

1:22:39 Drew Good times.

1:22:40 Caller Heidi Fleiss in the studio.

1:22:41 Drew We'll be right back after this.

1:22:46 Caller Hey, y'all.

1:22:47 Caller It's the best of Loveline.

1:22:49 Drew I'm Adam.

1:22:50 Caller That's Dr. Drew.

1:22:51 Drew I'm next, a guy who's a very talented musician.

1:22:54 Caller Substantial guy.

1:22:55 Drew And a substantial guy and a cool cat. Pete Yorn. Pete Yorn is our guest tonight. All right, Pete Yorn in here. We're going to talk to Kim real quick. Kim?

1:23:14 Caller Hi, Adam.

1:23:14 Drew You're 39?

1:23:16 Caller Yeah, so are you.

1:23:17 Caller Yeah, no, I'm 38.

1:23:19 Drew How much for a BJ?

1:23:22 Caller I don't do it for money.

1:23:23 Drew How much? For me.

1:23:27 Caller I just love Adam, not for money.

1:23:29 Drew For me. Do it for free?

1:23:31 Caller If it's the right man.

1:23:35 Drew All right. Never get anything out of our call if you screw around with them.

1:23:41 Caller Well, my question is, I was wondering, I'm trying to get pregnant, but my husband, he doesn't shoot very far when he comes, and I'm just wondering if that will impact my chance of getting pregnant.

1:23:55 Adam What do you mean doesn't shoot very far?

1:23:57 Caller Well, there have been times when he's just kind of dribbled out of the end of his penis.

1:24:04 Drew Coming out of the end?

1:24:07 Caller Yeah, but then there's been a couple of times where I've seen him shoot an inch or two.

1:24:13 Adam What is your image of what happens in there?

1:24:16 Drew You've got to blast it up into the uterus, Drew.

1:24:21 Adam What do you think?

1:24:22 Drew You've got to blast it up that tube.

1:24:24 Adam Kim?

1:24:25 Drew You've got to get it in the tube. You've got to blast, Drew.

1:24:29 Caller Well, that's, I mean, I've had lovers that have blasted pretty far and So what? I just thought it would make an impact.

1:24:38 Adam How?

1:24:38 Drew What do you mean how? Do the math. It goes blasting up that tube, finds the egg, belch it up a little bit. Come on, Drew.

1:24:47 Adam The penis is basically going into a dead end, right?

1:24:50 Caller That's the way I look at it.

1:24:52 Adam And the semen is just being dropped off there into the tube.

1:24:55 Drew Yep.

1:24:56 Adam It ain't going anywhere, no matter what velocity it comes out with.

1:24:59 Drew It's the Jack cul-de-sac. That's what I call it.

1:25:03 Caller Oh, okay.

1:25:04 Drew Alright.

1:25:04 Caller Let me straighten things out for me. Hey, thanks for taking my drive home.

1:25:08 Drew Sure, baby. Thirty-nine.

1:25:12 Caller I got married a few months ago.

1:25:14 Drew It's been a while since health class, huh?

1:25:18 Caller Yeah, I think I probably tuned that stuff out being a good Catholic girl.

1:25:21 Best Of Evidently.

1:25:23 Caller You work in the medical profession?

1:25:27 Caller Kind of, sort of, yeah.

1:25:28 Best Of I hope not.

1:25:29 Drew What do you do?

1:25:31 Caller I'm a recreational therapist.

1:25:33 Adam No way.

1:25:34 Drew What is a recreational therapist? You show people how to put tents up and stuff?

1:25:39 Adam You're an assistant to a recreational therapist, right?

1:25:43 Caller No.

1:25:46 Adam You have a graduate degree in recreational therapy?

1:25:49 Caller I have a bachelor's degree, yeah.

1:25:52 Adam You're an assistant to a recreational therapist. You work in a recreational therapy group. You're not a licensed recreational therapist.

1:25:58 Drew You are? What license is that?

1:26:02 Caller It's the National Certification for Recreational Therapy.

1:26:07 Drew Uh-huh. Drew, can you get one of those? Just a bachelor's?

1:26:12 Adam What do you do with that? You've never looked at pelvic anatomy. You've never looked at how your reproductive organs work. You've never just looked it up on the web.

1:26:18 Drew The guy's not a shooter. Now, leave her alone. Kim?

1:26:22 Caller Yeah, Adam?

1:26:23 Drew What do you do as a recreational therapist?

1:26:25 Caller Well, basically, anything you do for fun, I adapt it to the people that I work with and then help them with whatever they like to do for their leisure or recreation.

1:26:39 Drew I don't understand. Anything I like to do for fun, you adapt it to your patients?

1:26:45 Caller Well, yeah, like you just had a caller that was talking about jacking off into a coffee cup.

1:26:51 Drew Well, a big gulp, big gulp. Yeah. How dare you? Coffee cup. Yes.

1:26:58 Caller I got all excited because I got through on the phone.

1:27:01 Drew Okay, so this guy beats off into a slurpee cup. How would you help him?

1:27:07 Caller Well, what I'm thinking of more is that I've had clients that have had similar problems and so I just have kind of needed to adapt different things to find them the right thing to work through their frustrations, whether it be a coffee cup or...

1:27:27 Drew What the heck?

1:27:28 Caller Does anyone know what she's talking about?

1:27:33 Caller No. But I'd like to know.

1:27:36 Drew Do you know? And by the way, her...

1:27:38 Adam The coffee cup was very frustrating and they need to work through the frustration of the coffee cup.

1:27:43 Caller What is a recreational therapist?

1:27:45 Drew I asked that about ten minutes ago. I still have zero idea.

1:27:48 Adam It's usually...

1:27:49 Drew Wait. After the break, you tell everyone what a recreational therapist is. Now, if you don't say anything, I'm just going to assume it means beating off into a slurpy cup.

1:27:59 Adam That's recreational therapy. There you go.

1:28:00 Drew Alright. We'll be back. Well, everybody, that's the best of Loveline, but there's more to come.

1:28:09 Adam Big week.

1:28:09 Drew Oh, yeah. Names like Jack Black and... Let's see. We've got Puddle Mud, Andy Dick, Kelly Osborne, Wilber Valderrama, Tony Hawk and this name.

1:28:23 Adam Chymel. Chymel.

1:28:25 Drew Chymel. I don't know how you pronounce it. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying Mahalo.

1:28:36 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Monday, December 29, 2003