Episode 1000586472641

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

0:59 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Hey, everybody, it's the best of Loveline.

1:05 Adam Oh, thank Christ, I'm sick.

1:07 Drew I was going to say, you sound like hell. Are you still sick now?

1:11 No.

1:11 Drew Oh, good.

1:12 Adam I will have died.

1:13 I would have succumbed to the illness by the time you hear this. Oh, Drew, I'm in bad shape.

1:19 Adam But here's the point. The thing about the best of is it's really better than what you would hear.

1:25 Caller I mean, it's not a rerun.

1:27 Drew Look, it's better than the best of for the listeners, and it's certainly better than the best of for us.

1:31 Caller Yeah, because you're going to hear me.

1:32 Adam I won't be cold.

1:33 Caller I won't have a cold.

1:34 Adam I'll be at my comedic razor home.

1:37 Drew Cut out all the fetching? Cut it out.

1:40 Adam No, the mucus.

1:41 Caller It'll be great.

1:42 Adam Look who we got.

1:43 Caller We got David Alan Grier.

1:44 Adam I call him Dag because he's my main man.

1:47 Caller Everyone calls him that, which I come to understand.

1:50 Caller I call him my main man.

1:51 Adam Sara Rue.

1:52 Caller We got from Less Than Perfect.

1:54 Adam We got Triumph the Insult Wonder Dog.

1:57 Caller You know Triumph the Comic Dog? I remember him.

1:59 Adam Very funny. Brooke Burns.

2:02 Caller Smokin, pipin hot.

2:04 Adam Drew. Brooke Burns. Super hot.

2:07 Caller Right up through his alley, by the way. Doesn't like to talk about it. Peter Gallagher.

2:12 Adam Great guy.

2:12 Caller Yeah.

2:14 Adam He's from the OC.

2:16 Caller And Adam Brody, by the way, from the OC as well. And band AFI who we just saw at the Acoustic Christmas.

2:25 That is a big show.

2:26 Drew I'm excited. I am excited. Because I'm not here.

2:28 Yeah.

2:28 Caller Let's move forward.

2:29 Adam Ready?

2:30 Caller Go.

3:14 Caller I can't do the whole thing of this, bro.

3:17 Best Of I got this.

3:18 Adam Dag reading from Drew's new book there.

3:23 Caller There it was.

3:23 Best Of Roll up on the show.

4:07 Drew Roll up on the show. Roll up on the show.

4:08 Roll up on the show.

4:55 Drew Kids, you know, they're no, I know that's where they established their pad. That's the launching pad.

4:58 Best Of That's where you mean to tell me that every relationship you were like, like married, like an old potbelly baldhead married middle aged guy.

5:06 Drew No, but this is she shot. This is her boyfriend.

5:08 Best Of And for a month, give me a break.

5:12 Hey, I really love him.

5:14 Adam What?

5:15 Best Of But that's not long enough to even establish a loving relationship.

5:18 Adam Why is he? Why is he in juvie?

5:20 Well, he sort of stole some stuff from Target and had cigarettes on him. And he also lied to the cops when they asked him what his name was.

5:31 Best Of I'm going to revise.

5:32 Adam Still not enough for juvie.

5:33 Best Of I apologize. Marry this guy.

5:35 Best Of Yeah, he's one of the good ones.

5:37 Adam He's one of the good ones. He's one of the good ones. He's good people. He's good people. And he must have gotten into trouble before this. I don't know. Yeah, because listen, you don't, you don't, they don't put you away because you got cigarettes on you when you get popped. Yeah, Steve, even that, like first offense kind of stuff, if he has a decent family and stuff.

5:56 Best Of You can do better. Dump him before he knocks you off, please.

5:59 Adam Please. You're having sex with him? No. Okay, good. Don't do that. Don't get pregnant.

6:07 Drew Get the Heimlich out of here.

6:11 Caller Let him die, Drew.

6:12 Adam It'll be good ratings.

6:15 Drew David Alan Grier dies of a wheat thin inhalation, wheat thin aspiration.

6:20 Caller And you know what?

6:21 Adam And I'll slowly over years start changing the story, which is I made him laugh to death.

6:26 Best Of It was like the Mama Cass story. Mama Cass Elliott. She just had a chicken sandwich. Now she's a heroin addict. Got it.

6:31 That's right. Let's say some babies.

6:33 Best Of Enough getting to know each other.

6:34 Caller You ready to go?

6:35 Best Of Let's go. Let's break it out.

6:36 Caller Brian?

6:38 Adam You're 19?

6:39 Caller Yes, I'm 19.

6:41 Drew Got the voice.

6:45 Caller And I'm totally in love with him.

6:48 Caller Were you molested?

6:49 Adam Did you get molested?

6:50 Caller No, I've never been molested.

6:52 Best Of Thank you. Why do you always jump to conclusions?

6:56 Drew No, because something happened when she was like six. Yeah, what happened when you were six?

6:59 Adam Somebody died?

7:00 No, nobody died.

7:01 Drew Did you get any physical abuse or something?

7:02 Caller Why do you always ask people when they have a little voice if things happen to them?

7:08 Well, I'm a little person, I guess.

7:10 Drew No, but before you get to the question, we need to sort of learn about you a little bit. I'm a little person, I guess. No, but before you get to the question, we need to sort of learn about you a little bit. And if you had to sort of be the parent in the family?

7:29 Yeah.

7:30 Drew A lot of the time? And when did she really get going with her alcoholism?

7:34 Caller Oh, like I think about it and she was always drinking, but like now, like I realize it more that I'm older.

7:41 Best Of But did you know when you were like a little kid that mom was drunk? She wasn't like sick?

7:46 Caller What's that?

7:47 Best Of Exactly.

7:47 Drew Did she get, does she have rages and things like that? So we get angry?

7:50 Caller Yeah, like she'll have rages now, but when I was younger, I never realized it.

7:54 Drew Yeah, I understand you never realized it, but the facts are she did these things and they traumatized you.

7:59 Caller Yeah, but she never hit me or anything.

8:01 Drew I never got that, got that far, but she's mostly...

8:03 Caller Where's dad?

8:05 Dad is the best person ever.

8:08 Caller He wasn't ever looking for a mom?

8:10 Best Of Yeah, he was with her the whole time?

8:11 Yeah, always.

8:14 Drew Anyway, so...

8:15 Caller So anyways, like me and my boyfriend, I've been with him for a year now. And when we make love, it's like I need him to like just be totally rough with me so I can have a good orgasm. And it's like, I mean, we could do like, seriously, like we could do it slow. And it's like I can orgasm but just not like the same.

8:37 Best Of Like how rough is rough? What's rough?

8:39 Caller Like pulling my hair, slapping my ass, grabbing my t**s. You know?

8:46 Adam Done and done.

8:47 Best Of Yeah. But do you, I mean, like, has he ever done it the way you want him to do it?

8:51 Oh, yeah, all the time.

8:53 Drew So what about... The question is why?

8:55 Adam What about dirty talk?

8:56 Caller Yeah, I love dirty talk.

8:59 Yeah.

9:00 Drew No one ever hit you.

9:01 Caller No, no one ever hit me.

9:04 Best Of Shut up.

9:05 Caller I need to be...

9:07 Best Of Don't look at me. Don't look at me. Don't look at me.

9:09 Caller So I don't understand why he needs to be so rough with me to bring me to orgasm.

9:13 Best Of Hold still. Hold still. Hold still. Don't... Move now. Stop. Stop wiggling. Thank you very much. That's a little excerpt from my one-man show called Making Love with Dag. How many nights have I done that?

10:05 Caller So, is that how you like it, baby?

10:09 Best Of How old are you again? Is that the age of consent?

10:14 Caller Mm-hmm.

10:15 Best Of Do you live in the LA area?

10:18 Caller Okay, so I'm in Salt Lake.

10:22 Drew So you thought of that first, then you figured you'd take a visa.

10:25 Caller How long does it take a black man to get a visa to get into Salt Lake?

10:29 Adam It's like six, eight months now, isn't it?

10:31 Best Of Hey, if you can get into Mormon Church, you can get into Salt Lake.

10:33 Caller Hey, that's my time.

10:34 Caller Enjoy your headliner.

10:38 Best Of Okay, so what are you saying? What's the question? You want to know?

10:40 Caller Because here's the deal.

10:42 Best Of If he does it like that all the time, aren't you going to get bored?

10:44 Drew No, no. Here's the deal.

10:48 Adam Uh-oh.

10:48 Drew Oh, that's what the complaint is here.

10:51 Best Of Do you say stuff to cheer him on like, what kind of homo are you?

10:55 Caller Hit me with meaning!

10:58 Best Of Do you do stuff like that?

11:02 Adam And he's not very good at it either, right?

11:04 Best Of Well, he is, though.

11:12 Drew Where are we going?

11:13 Adam All right, I don't know.

11:14 Drew The question was why do you need that, right?

11:17 Adam And the way I can shut up while Drew talks, yeah, I'll come over there and give you a C flogging.

11:23 Best Of No, no, you need it.

11:27 Adam You got to get that's like the white Eddie Murphy character. Hey, you listen to me, young, youngness, I'll come over there and get in a hump you within an inch of your life by cracking Jesus, Joseph and Mary won't be able to stop me.

11:41 Best Of Adam, think homeless man is asking for change. Now watch how my voice change, don't look at me, turn around, stop now.

11:49 Caller I think if I talk dirty to my boyfriend, it would help me like have a better orgasm or get more around.

11:57 Drew Is that why you called?

11:59 Best Of Wait a minute. Do you want to talk dirty or you got to cue him?

12:02 Drew I thought you called to ask why you need this.

12:05 Why do I need it?

12:15 Drew It changes the wiring in your brain and things that remind you of those traumas become sources of attraction. It may be that people if they get sufficiently traumatized, they need to raise the level of chemicals in their brain or to even experience arousal or to experience themselves sexually because you can think of those things as sort of being depleted or burned out by the repeated traumas and so in order to feel sexual, to feel intensity of sexual feelings, you have to have these very high levels of arousal because of all the repeated injury from your mom.

12:45 Best Of I'd say it's going to escalate because you're going to get bored with that if he does it all the time.

12:49 Drew It could. It can. If it becomes a fetish where you need this, the fetishes sort of evolve sometimes.

12:55 Best Of I went out with a girl who was in the audience and she would cue me but I didn't know. I didn't know she was killing me because the first time we first started, she was like, we get in a situation where you're like, man, I guess I was really bad. Oh, I'd be like, what? What are you talking about?

13:07 Drew You're like, you're bad.

13:08 Best Of But then, yeah, once I clicked into the script, you know, she'd say, man, I was really bad. Yes, you are. Don't look at me. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around, girl. Don't make me.

13:19 Adam Let me try again. Let me try again. Okay, young Missy, I'm going to perform rapid intercourse.

13:29 Best Of What are you doing?

13:29 Caller What? What?

13:30 Best Of What are you doing, Adam? No, really, I want you to really try this. Adam, think homeless man trying to ask for change. Go.

13:38 Adam But black homeless man?

13:39 Best Of No, no, no. I do. Just do your own thing.

13:41 Adam Wait, they're not even white homeless guys.

13:43 Best Of They're so black guys. Sailor Joe, come on.

13:45 Adam What do you want, Asian homeless?

13:47 Best Of Venice Beach. All right. Venice Beach.

13:50 Drew That's. Are you cool?

13:54 Adam Hey, bitch. I need some change. But the same change is going in my cup.

14:00 Drew That's not good.

14:01 Adam This change is going in your brain. Yeah.

14:04 Best Of Can I dance with your date? Can I hold your hand?

14:08 Adam Start.

14:08 Best Of Yeah.

14:10 Best Of Come on.

14:12 Best Of Hey, baby.

14:13 Drew No, no.

14:14 Best Of I can't work like this. I can't.

14:16 Drew Hold Dave.

14:16 Best Of I'm sorry. Start. Next, please.

14:19 Drew Thank you very much. We'll call you. We'll call you.

14:20 Caller Next caller. I'm going to beat your ass like a bongo drum.

14:28 Best Of I've gone overboard, too. I've gone overboard on a dirty talk. They're like, stop.

14:31 Adam That's too much.

14:32 Caller I did that, too.

14:33 Adam I told her I didn't much care for her parents.

14:38 Caller It's like, what are you doing, you always?

14:41 Caller You said you wanted me to be mean, baby. That's as mean as I can think to be. Lita?

14:48 Adam You're 18?

14:51 Caller Well, I've been going out with my boyfriend for about two years, and we've been having sex like the full two years, but I just, every time we have sex, it feels like the first time I had sex, like it hurts really, really bad.

15:06 Drew Every time?

15:07 Caller Yeah.

15:08 Drew Just the beginning or all the way through or the entire time or after you get into it?

15:12 Caller The majority of the way through.

15:14 Drew All the, most of the way through?

15:15 Caller Uh-huh.

15:16 Drew Does he have trouble sort of penetrating?

15:18 Caller Yeah.

15:20 Drew So that means you're... Yeah, but you may be having some spasm of the muscles down there, something called vaginismus or something like that anyway.

15:29 Best Of Is it vaginismus or vagitidismus?

15:31 Drew Vaginismus.

15:32 Best Of Vaginismus.

15:33 Drew And it suggests... I'm going to use that word for the next round.

15:38 Best Of Twaddy lockup?

15:41 Drew It's just that it suggests that you're kind of anxious and maybe you shouldn't be having sex at all.

15:45 Adam Yeah, but for two years she's anxious?

15:48 Best Of How old were you when you first had sex? The first time? Was it with the same guy? Do you have orgasms?

15:57 Drew No.

16:01 Adam No.

16:02 Drew No.

16:02 Adam Not any time. You fake them once in a while. You do that thing. Let me explain how women are with the orgasms. They're like guys are when they're being hypnotized. You know what I mean? They go, are you him? And you're like, yeah, and then when you're done, you go, well, what, what happened, dude? Do you think you're real? And you go, uh, I think I kind of, I mean, I could hear him, uh, you know, right. That's what it is. You're kind of hoping you were and maybe you got relaxed, but you never actually, the girls I'm with never actually. Oh, they have the crazy ones, right?

16:33 Best Of Not all of them. I mean, all of them are just like some girls that go out, they don't have them all the time, but they have to be right there. Other girls I've gone out with have have them. You sneeze on them and they're like, oh, yeah.

16:43 Adam Well, they're crazy. You get the crazy ones.

16:45 Best Of I tell you, the crazier the girls are, the better they are.

16:47 Adam Absolutely.

16:49 Caller That's right.

16:49 Best Of I wish I could have made love to who's a loop job. I mean, the biggest knucklehead like Judy Garland or somebody. She would have been like, oh, yeah.

16:58 Adam Maybe caught Liza Manila, anyone in that family.

17:00 Caller Well, in the younger days.

17:01 Drew By the way, it's nice the way they declared their love in front of God and everyone and that marriage lasted about three weeks.

17:06 Best Of Yeah, but kind of.

17:07 Drew And it was with their wonderful couple. Everyone was spouting.

17:09 Best Of Speaking of family history, we can talk about that.

17:11 Drew Yeah, but I'm really so tired of our culture accepting things on the surface as a fact.

17:15 Adam Well, everyone just so. No one really accepted. But here's the thing.

17:18 Best Of I know. I know. Here's she's a hundred. No one cares. Why did she feel the need to do that publicly? Maybe back. It's like when Shirley MacLean wrote her tell all book, she's seventy.

17:29 Adam Yeah, it's.

17:30 Best Of Who cares now? So what's motivating?

17:32 Adam No, it's smacks of compensation. It's like when Michael Jackson's got to go make out with Lisa Marie Presley so everyone can see straight.

17:39 Caller It just feels like what?

17:40 Adam Why are you dancing?

17:41 Caller Why are you working so hard?

17:42 Best Of Well, God bless Lisa Marie Presley, because at least she answers questions about it. She goes, well, come on, I was young. I was crazy. Please, give me a break.

17:48 Adam Yeah, my dad's Elvis. I'm not.

17:49 Best Of Yeah, come on.

17:50 Adam Lita.

17:52 Drew All right.

17:52 Adam So are you freaked out about sex with him?

17:55 Drew Nope. Have you had a pelvic exam? All right. Well, listen, you have sex for two years. You must go do that. First of all, to find out whether there's something anatomically that could be causing the pain or medically, secondly, women that begin having sex at a young age are the ones that get cervical cancer.

18:13 Adam That's God punishing them.

18:15 Drew The cancer is potentially fatal. So just as proper health maintenance, you must have a pelvic exam, okay? And then what are you using for birth control? All right. So maybe talk about the morning after pill or something to keep available in case the condoms fail or maybe get on the birth control.

18:31 Adam Two years of condoms and regular sex and pain and no checkups or anything, huh?

18:39 Caller I don't have any money.

18:40 Adam Well, what's up?

18:41 Drew Go to Planned Parenthood.

18:43 Best Of Yeah, you go to public comfort.

18:45 Drew Go to Planned Parenthood.

18:47 Adam Free vagina inspections over there.

18:49 Drew It's about a mile and a half up Colorado above the freeway.

18:51 Best Of Get your junk checked out, honey.

18:53 Drew I mean, a bigger part up Lake. Lake? Yeah, but I don't know. Yeah.

18:57 Adam Why don't you stop in? Say hi to the good people over there.

19:01 Best Of I don't think she's going to do it.

19:02 Adam It's got to be rough working in that planned parenthood because you're really, you're like a collision center. You know what I mean?

19:08 Caller You're like a body shop.

19:09 Adam You only see people when there's trouble. You know what I mean?

19:13 Caller I'm pregnant.

19:14 Adam I need an abortion. I got cottage cheese coming out of me.

19:17 Caller My crotch is on fire.

19:18 Drew Music.

19:22 Best Of You know, when I was in college at University of Michigan, I had a girlfriend who back then it was all the IUD and stuff.

19:28 Drew Yeah, it's back again.

19:29 Best Of And there was a chick there who was like a she wasn't a doctor, but she was a nurse practitioner who the hottest chicks she would save their IUDs like she had a collection of them.

19:41 Drew For what?

19:41 Best Of You know, when they when they when she took them out because she I think she's lesbian.

19:45 Adam Well, she would sniff them and masturbate.

19:46 Best Of No, she would go, do you mind if I save this? Like one of my chicks, she got it taken out.

19:50 Drew No, there must be some reason for that.

19:52 Best Of No, no, no, no, no, no. She collected them. They look like art. They look like jewelry.

19:57 Caller Are they all a little bit different?

19:58 Best Of They're all different.

19:59 Drew Back then, there was the Lippies Loop and the Copper 7, and the Dalcon Shield was there then.

20:06 Best Of I'm just telling you what she told me. And this was back then. And she said the chick was all creepy and stuff.

20:11 Adam Drew, you have a collection of your patient's kidney stones, don't you?

20:14 Drew Yeah, I call them. Everyone has that. Quick impression.

20:18 Best Of Dr. Drew at the pearly gates. You've been hit by a bus. You're dead. Yeah. Yeah. St. Peter. What an attitude. Who raped you? Were you abused, please? Who are your parents?

20:32 Drew Thank you. He got us some freaky cold action when he was growing up.

20:38 Best Of Why all the whole attitude? Come on. Hey, let's save some babies.

20:42 Adam Catherine?

20:43 Yes.

20:44 Adam You're 22?

20:45 Caller Yes.

20:46 Adam You want to know if you swallow your boyfriend's essence? Will she pass it to your baby through breastfeeding? Right. This is a very valid question.

20:57 Best Of What's wrong with his spunk?

20:59 Adam Hold on. Hold on a second. Because really that you don't want your own kids suckling your old man's spunk or if you do have them go right to the source. You know what I'm saying?

21:10 Best Of I can't.

21:11 Adam Let's cut out the middle man.

21:12 Drew That's only rationing.

21:13 Adam Right. That's right. That's right. True. Would that be acceptable?

21:17 Best Of I got an argument with a woman with a post-graduate degree that said the reason why she doesn't swallow is the caloric intake is too great. I said get out of here.

21:26 Adam Please. Dagg said, you know how many calories you're in a knuckle sandwich, bitch?

21:33 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

21:35 Best Of Don't look at me.

21:36 Caller Don't look at me.

21:56 Adam Oh That's what it's like.

22:00 Caller And he's on top of her too.

22:01 Adam She can't move.

22:19 Caller The next morning, what?

22:22 Caller All right, we'll be back with a great dag after this.

22:30 Caller Hey, yo, the best of Loveline.

22:32 Adam We're back, and we're not really back, because we're out. Drew, where are you?

22:38 Drew Home.

22:38 Caller Home, really? Wife just using your sack, like a hacky sack, just kicking around the house like a college student. Oh, Speedbag.

22:46 Drew Speedbag, yeah.

22:54 Caller She's slicked in there, just hit up the side of her head.

22:57 Drew Triumph.

22:58 Caller Oh, yeah.

22:59 Adam Great segue. The Insult Comic Wonder Dog.

23:12 Drew My kids are always like, you're good, keep going.

23:23 Adam I got to queue up the teleprompter for Triumph. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, everybody.

23:29 Best Of I'm not down with the rap to myself.

23:33 Adam It was good. But this is not his forte.

23:36 Drew No, no, no. Not like my forte rapping.

23:38 Adam Yeah.

23:38 Drew You rap.

23:40 Adam Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, big fan.

23:44 Best Of Of Linkin Park.

23:45 Adam Yeah.

23:45 Caller Yes.

23:47 Adam He likes any band that has the name Park in it.

23:49 Best Of He likes that word. Memories.

23:53 Adam Remember before the leash laws, he used to build this run wild in those blazes.

23:57 Best Of Oh, sure, sure, and Linkin is a happy image too, just because his leg is so long.

24:02 Adam Yeah.

24:03 Best Of That's a woulda, coulda, shoulda.

24:05 Adam Yeah.

24:06 Best Of Right there.

24:06 Adam You couldn't miss that leg. I don't care how loaded you are.

24:10 Best Of Right.

24:10 Caller You are.

24:11 Best Of To go into a time machine.

24:13 Caller Yeah.

24:14 Adam Yeah, he had a big, he was a rangy guy for his first day at Linkin. Wasn't it? The Linkin Monument though, it's got a pretty good size.

24:20 Drew He might pee on that though.

24:22 Adam Do you pee on the Linkin Monument?

24:24 Best Of No, but I've humped it.

24:26 Adam You've humped? So we have a certain degree of respect for Linkin. Didn't Schwimmer do a PSA where he told him not to pee on the Linkin Monument or talk to your kids? Don't pee on the Linkin Monument while you're talking to your kids. You know what I'd like to do? I would like to do very specific public service announcements. Do not pee on the Linkin Monument, please. And just leave it at that. The more you know. Instead of the hugely vague, like talk to the kids, I'd like to reel it in and get super specific, just pinpoint with it.

25:00 Best Of Now isn't that something we used to do on the Conan Show a little bit? What do you do? That's a funny bit that we did on the Conan Show.

25:07 Adam All right. No, no, no. The Conan Show, full of funny bits. There's no doubt about it. It's chock full of funny bits. There's no doubt about it.

25:17 Drew You're being honest.

25:18 Adam Yes. Conan's a good writer and he's a decent host and he's a funny guy. He's sort of non-human in his way of communicating with you.

25:30 Best Of He's all man, believe me. Is he? Yes. Trust me. I've seen that thing up close.

25:36 Adam Oh, really?

25:37 Best Of Oh, yes.

25:38 Adam Well, from your vantage point, too, and he's a tall man, I could see that thing.

25:41 Best Of Well, it's surprisingly small for a tall guy.

25:45 Caller Oh, really?

25:45 Best Of Nicest thing I could say about it is that it's an outie. Oh, really? Yes.

25:53 Caller Jamie?

25:56 Adam Jamie, you're 20?

25:57 Caller Yes.

25:58 Adam What's up?

26:00 Caller My boyfriend has pictures of his old girlfriend, like naked, and like he has porn that he's done.

26:09 Caller And I was just wondering if that's like a normal thing for guys to do.

26:13 Drew You mean like he has videos of him and his ex-girlfriends having sex?

26:17 Caller Yeah.

26:18 Best Of Does he watch them while he's having sex with you?

26:21 Caller No.

26:23 Drew What does he do with them?

26:24 Caller No.

26:25 Caller I'm not really sure.

26:26 Caller I mean, I didn't really know about them.

26:27 Adam How did you find out about them?

26:30 Caller Well, I saw some pictures and I was just asking him questions. I mean, I had never really thought about that before. And he was like admitting to it.

26:38 Drew How long have you been with together with him?

26:41 Caller A couple of months.

26:43 Adam Yeah. How's the relationship going? Believe me, he's got a few videos of you, too. Oh, yes.

26:51 Drew No.

26:52 Adam Oh, yeah.

26:53 Drew Yeah. Jamie, not a great impulse. I mean, guys have that impulse, but they actually carry it out and then keep these things around and just.

27:02 Best Of What? He's protecting his bet.

27:04 Adam That's right.

27:04 Best Of What happens if she dumps him? Then what? He's going to have to.

27:08 Caller Use his memory.

27:09 Adam Yeah, look at a screw memory to beat off to a raft box like I had to do when I was 15 and had no porn. Jamie.

27:18 Caller Yes.

27:19 Adam How old is this guy?

27:21 Caller He's 20 also.

27:22 Adam What does he do besides film himself having sex?

27:25 Caller Well, actually, he's unemployed right now.

27:29 Adam So why are you with him? He doesn't sound like a great guy.

27:32 Caller I don't know.

27:33 Adam And how come you're not more outraged? I mean, here's how it usually goes. The woman finds the porn, the movie, the pictures, whatever it is of the ex-girlfriend. She insists that they be destroyed. The guy promises they'll be destroyed. He quickly makes a do of it and then destroys a version of it. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, you can't put them in a vault. You have to destroy them.

27:54 Caller Pretend to destroy them.

27:55 Adam But you got to make a copy. That's why you should always have a few copies floating around.

28:00 Drew Yeah. I just get the sense this sums up with this guy. What else?

28:04 Adam Has he ever, has he asked to film you? Does that hurt your feelings? Like you're not quality enough for him to film?

28:13 Caller No, I've kind of had that discussion tonight, but I'm into that, so.

28:18 Adam Exactly.

28:18 Best Of He just, he knows he'll get the no. That's all it is.

28:22 Drew All right.

28:22 Best Of He'd do it.

28:23 Adam How did he let you find this stuff that seems negligent?

28:27 Caller I don't know.

28:28 Drew How did it come up?

28:29 Adam How did you find it?

28:30 Best Of Where is it?

28:32 Caller It's on his computer.

28:34 Adam The pictures or the movies?

28:37 Caller Yeah, I've never actually seen them.

28:42 Best Of All right.

28:42 Adam So it bothers you, right?

28:44 Drew What have your previous relationships been like, Jamie?

28:48 Caller What do you mean like?

28:50 Drew What have they been like? Have they gone for you?

28:52 Adam She dated Uncle Charlie from My Three Sons for a number of years.

28:56 Drew Have they been successful? Were you felt good about them? Or have they been kind of problematic? What's been the problem?

29:05 Caller I don't know. I don't really date people seriously that often, so.

29:09 Drew How come?

29:12 Caller I'm tired.

29:13 Adam Look, it happens.

29:14 Best Of It's very calm. My dad kept tapes of him humping Ethel Merman's leg.

29:20 Adam Really?

29:21 Best Of Long after. Honey, listen, you just stick with him and he'll stop. He won't care about it if he knows you're in it for the long haul and then you'll be around, you'll be together for a while and then he'll get interested in them again.

29:35 Adam And I'm wondering, by the way, if in the future, if everyone's just gonna film of everyone in some, either naked or humping.

29:46 Drew But the question is, were these women consenting that he should film these things and why can't she, the fact that she doesn't have any reaction to it other than sort of bewilderment is not the normal reaction.

29:58 Best Of Well, perhaps it's compassion, right?

30:01 Drew Empathy, yes, for his needs, yes.

30:03 Best Of Maybe she thinks she should have done some videotaping.

30:07 Adam She's, yeah, she's low self-esteem, to say the least, yes?

30:13 Drew She cannot mobilize any defense on her own behalf.

30:16 Adam All right, wow. Stand up for yourself.

30:17 Best Of Human talk is really something. In the animal world, it's like, sure.

30:22 Adam You don't have any of that. No, you're simple.

30:24 Best Of No, you want to lick yourself to that gorilla over there? Go ahead.

30:28 Adam You're simple. You're like Hawaiians. You don't really.

30:30 Best Of We're uncomplicated is what we are.

30:32 Adam You don't have all these big words and do. You don't do all this thinking.

30:35 Best Of The difference between simple and.

30:37 Adam Right.

30:38 Best Of No alphabet. Alphabet is like a mind game.

30:42 Adam It's gotta be. It's gotta be nice. Sara.

30:46 Caller Yes.

30:47 Adam You're 25.

30:48 Caller Yes.

30:48 Adam What's your question?

30:50 Caller I am very concerned about my boyfriend. He's barely giving me sex once a month, but I am used to it like four or five times a day and I'm just not feeling it anymore.

30:59 Drew You're fat.

31:00 Adam Drew, I'm not that. You're you're used to it four or five times a day.

31:06 Caller That's what I would previous.

31:08 Best Of Just from a guy or from your pets as well.

31:12 Caller From my guy.

31:13 Drew And that's been in your previous relationships, not with this guy.

31:18 Caller No, not with this guy.

31:19 Drew This guy's been once a month from the beginning.

31:22 Caller No, well, from at the beginning, it was like maybe a couple of times a week. But since I don't know other girls have come around, like his ex-girlfriends, and he would like disappear for days on end. I've only been getting it like once a month. And then it's like even trying hard to get it from him.

31:37 Adam Sara, you're screwed up, right?

31:39 Caller I don't know.

31:40 Best Of What's wrong with you? Oh yeah.

31:42 Adam Let's dig into Sara.

31:44 Best Of How many guys stooped you four or five times a day?

31:46 Adam That was spread out between six guys. Sara?

31:51 Caller Yes.

31:52 Adam Let's talk about you.

31:54 Caller What about me?

31:55 Adam What do you do for a living?

31:56 Caller I'm a customer service rep.

31:58 Adam Aha. And your parents, were they together, divorced?

32:03 Caller They're together.

32:03 Adam All right. Dad treated you well?

32:06 Caller Yes.

32:06 Adam No sexual abuse?

32:09 Caller None at all.

32:10 Adam When did you lose your virginity?

32:11 Caller Around 18.

32:16 Drew No bipolar illness in your family?

32:19 Caller What?

32:20 Drew Manic depression?

32:21 Caller I lost it from my husband.

32:23 Drew No, any manic depression?

32:24 Caller No, oh, I'm sorry, no.

32:26 Drew And you were married?

32:27 Adam Yeah, what happened to your husband?

32:29 Caller What happened to my husband? I divorced him.

32:31 Drew How come?

32:32 Caller Cause he was abusive.

32:34 Drew He was abusive.

32:35 Caller Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

32:36 Drew So, and your dad was not abusive to you?

32:38 Caller No, my dad was never abusive to me.

32:40 Drew Your biological father?

32:41 Caller Nope.

32:44 Adam Alright, no step-dads?

32:46 Caller I have a step-dad, yeah.

32:49 Adam I thought your parents were still together.

32:52 Drew Oh, yeah, it's bogus. Yeah, I could tell it was bogus in the beginning.

32:54 Adam Really? Yeah, he had nothing behind. Well, she had nothing but anger.

32:58 Drew It didn't make sense.

32:59 Adam But she had a little angry and a little nutty. And then she was a chick.

33:03 Best Of I just, the four or five times a day thing.

33:06 Drew No, it was just bogus. It didn't fit together with the feeling and stuff like that.

33:09 Adam But we actually, women, we don't suspect.

33:12 Drew I was thinking the whole time I was thinking there's a guy in the room, there's a guy behind her.

33:17 Adam They work women like puppets because they know they can get through. You see what I mean? Right. Soon Alcada is going to start using blondes against us. Don't worry. We don't, we don't suspect women. Women don't, don't, don't make prank phone calls. They don't have a sense of humor. There has to be a guy behind it.

33:35 Best Of Manipulating. Now, do you ever get baba buoys on the show?

33:39 Drew We used to. Yeah, a long time ago.

33:41 Adam Yeah, we don't, we don't get the baba buoys. We don't get that, we don't get enough. I mean, I don't really care because we leave, we live at midnight. So I'll take as many as we can take before midnight.

33:52 Best Of I think baba buoys are a good sign. It shows that, you know, they feel your show is important to plug Howard on.

33:57 Adam Well, I haven't got one in like six years, so.

33:59 Best Of Ouch. Evidently.

34:00 Caller Jim?

34:00 Drew That's because you're on Howard. They don't.

34:03 Best Of You know, someone give these guys a baba buoy.

34:06 Adam Hey, Jim.

34:07 Best Of Yeah.

34:08 Adam You're 17.

34:09 Best Of Yep.

34:09 Adam What's up?

34:10 Best Of I've got a Germany or Florida for you. Perfect.

34:13 Best Of Oh, yes.

34:14 Adam Go ahead.

34:14 Best Of All right. A bar gives women the opportunity to drop off their spouse if they wish to go shopping with their without this one.

34:21 Drew We had this one.

34:22 Adam Hey, phone screeners, got to check these.

34:24 Drew What they are. What is the question? What is the story they're going to tell us?

34:28 Adam I would have. Aren't we doing that or?

34:32 Best Of So what was that one?

34:33 Drew It's basically one for about three months ago. Set up a wood shop for guys to hang out in during all the...

34:39 Best Of Germany?

34:39 Adam Yeah, yes, of course. We have a question for Triumph, actually. Want to take that one? Mike?

34:51 Best Of Yes.

34:51 Adam You have a question for Triumph?

34:52 Best Of Yeah, yeah, I do.

34:54 Best Of Yes.

34:55 Best Of Where is your accent from?

34:58 Best Of My accent, it's a dog accent.

35:01 Best Of I know, but it sounds like it's from a foreign country.

35:06 Best Of Well, you know, it's a... I never got the chance to ask my mom what country she was from, because...

35:17 Drew They took you away from her?

35:19 Best Of I was separated, yes.

35:21 Adam Puppy mill, big litter?

35:22 Best Of Puppy mill, yes, yes. Fine, I was abused.

35:27 Drew We were neglected.

35:29 Best Of My Lord. That's what this is about. You're just trying to get it out of me. Yes, I was abused.

35:35 Adam Yeah, it's tough. You have a big litter of eight or ten dogs. You're separated from your mother's teat very early.

35:41 Best Of You know, her teats were nothing to... They were no great shakes. Really? I used to give her teats. I used to ride them something fierce. Hey, nipple! If you were any smaller, I'd need CPR.

35:58 Drew But surely you could go back to that puppy farm. They would remember you. You were the talking dog.

36:02 Adam I mean, you made it out.

36:04 Best Of But we all, we all, we all, we all talked, you know. We all what?

36:09 Adam Really?

36:09 Best Of Yes, yes, you know.

36:10 Drew How come we don't encounter other talking dogs?

36:13 Best Of Because they're not funny.

36:15 Drew So they keep their mouths shut.

36:17 Adam They have nothing to say.

36:18 Best Of Yeah, it's kind of a Mr. Ed thing. Right, right. They don't talk, but not in front of you and, you know, they call up the Los Angeles Dodgers and give advice, but they think that it's very complicated.

36:30 Adam Right, and they always clam up when the boss comes by.

36:33 Best Of Right. I'm not that shy.

36:35 Adam Hey, Mike, I hope that sheds some light on your semi-retarded question.

36:41 Best Of Sorry, honestly, I never even know. My father never even knew what breed my mom was because he never saw her face.

36:48 Adam Oh, really? Yes. Oh, it worked. Oh, doggy style. Yeah. Yeah, that's tough, too. And, you know, with dogs, there's, uh, Drew, there are almost all mutts these days, and the purebreds.

37:01 Drew Well, his mom was an Afghan, though.

37:03 Adam Oh, purebred.

37:04 Best Of You know, the facts change with every joke. I'm a whore for laughs, you see.

37:11 Adam We have some more. We're taking a break. But when we come back, we're gonna talk to each girlfriend is cheated on him. Poor 17 year old Drew, not Drew, the doctor, the man who claims to be a doctor. But Drew, the 17 year old caller, has been cheated on. And who else we're gonna talk to, Drew?

37:30 Drew We'll get some more calls up there.

37:31 Adam All right. We'll be right back with you and Triumph after this. Hey, yo, it's Loveline.

37:50 Caller We're back. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

37:52 Adam Still have the cold after all these minutes, Drew. Coming up next is a young redheaded lass named after snack cake, Sara Rue.

38:16 Drew It's always like my kids are.

38:18 Adam Oh, shut up.

38:18 Drew It's always like wasoom. Was Z, was zoom zoom Z. I was looking for the words.

38:24 Adam I know, you're looking for the words. You know the words, just do it.

38:28 Caller You've done it three times in a row without the words.

38:30 Best Of Andy Dick didn't have the thing and he did it great.

38:33 Drew Oh, yeah.

38:33 Adam Yeah, he did.

38:34 Drew He went, he went zozoom, zozoom, zozoom, zozoom.

38:39 Adam He was coincid, he was giving a recipe, a recipe for a gazpacho was actually just a pure coincidence that it sounded like the words. Anal Andy Dick in the hizzy. Sara Rue on tonight from the same show Andy Dick is on. Although I bet she gets paid more. Hell yeah. Why shouldn't she get paid more?

39:04 Caller It's my show.

39:05 Adam It is your show. Of course you get paid more.

39:07 Caller I work a little harder than Andy Dick. Don't tell him I said so.

39:11 Adam He doesn't deserve anything. I'm going to tell him too.

39:14 Caller Yeah, you let him know for me.

39:16 Adam You deserve 10 times as much as him.

39:18 Caller My working relationship is going quite well with Andy Dick. I don't want to rock the boat.

39:21 Best Of You'll have to leave at this point.

39:26 Drew He was a little quiet this last week, wasn't he? I was thinking about him.

39:29 Caller He told me that he was quiet. He told me that he came in and that he really felt like you guys had it covered and what advice could he possibly offer. So then he told, that's why he told me not to talk too much tonight.

39:40 Adam That's a good judgment. Well, I think too, he was singing too.

39:44 Drew Yes.

39:44 Adam And I think he was a little bit focused on thinking about his music.

39:49 Caller Was it the butt song?

39:52 Adam Could have probably involved the ass, yeah.

39:55 Caller Sharing is good, but not when it's with needles. Cause then the only thing positive is your HIV test. Right.

40:03 Caller And the doctor swears.

40:04 Drew But he sang four songs for us.

40:06 Caller Oh, my favorite one is the ass smells better than your...

40:10 Caller Oh, really?

40:11 Caller No, that's not brown ring. Brown ring goes like little brown ring.

40:14 Drew Yeah, he sang that for us.

40:16 Caller I like that one. But no, this one is about how his, whatever, the singer's girlfriend's butt smells better than her vagina. We like that one. He played that one on a morning show a couple weeks ago. Didn't go over so well.

40:32 Drew That's a good one.

40:33 Adam I seem to play that on my wedding, actually. Acoustically, acoustically, because I thought it wouldn't be tasteful if I plugged in the hands.

40:40 Drew Have you seen him sock his band members when they don't perform properly?

40:44 Caller Yeah, I mean, I've seen it all.

40:46 Adam He whacks them on these on the head.

40:47 Caller I go to all Andy's shows.

40:48 Adam Oh, good.

40:49 Caller Oh yeah, I'm supportive. My favorite is when that other guy throws up in Andy's mouth. Have you seen that?

40:54 Adam No, not once.

40:55 Caller It's hot.

40:56 Drew What?

40:56 Caller It's really hot. Yeah.

40:58 Drew What?

40:58 Caller Yeah, he has his sponsor, quote unquote, and he does this bit where his sponsor's drunk and he throws up in his mouth because he opens his mouth to like yell at him and.

41:06 Caller Oh really?

41:08 Caller Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. Yeah, it's funny. It's performance art. Good times.

41:13 Adam Jenna?

41:16 Caller You're.

41:20 Drew What's up, Jenna?

41:23 Caller I just want to say I love you guys so much. You give me so much information that I just can't ask my friends about.

41:31 Adam What's going on?

41:33 Caller Okay. I like this guy I've known for about four years and I've liked him on and off. And the other day I finally got up the courage to tell him that and he was really psyched and said that, oh, well, I like you too kind of thing. And. Then.

41:50 Drew After how long? Four years.

41:51 Caller Four years.

41:52 Drew What's been going on during those four years?

41:55 Caller Oh, we met at this like Christian camp thing and it's been kind of crazy since then, but he's gone out with a couple of my friends.

42:04 Drew What does that mean? It's been crazy since then.

42:08 Caller Um, it's, it's never been kind of the right time for me to tell him.

42:13 Drew Because why?

42:14 Caller Because he's had other girlfriends or I've had other boyfriends and.

42:19 Drew And how old is he now?

42:20 Adam A lot of action for people who met at the Christian camp.

42:23 Drew How old is he now?

42:25 Caller 17.

42:27 Adam So now he's free and you're free. So you told him.

42:33 Caller And he then started asking me all these questions about, you know, how far I've been with guys and things like that. And I'm still really innocent with that. And.

42:45 Drew Great. Excellent.

42:46 Adam Good.

42:47 Drew Keep it that way.

42:48 Caller I intend to, but he was really pressuring me about different stuff like, you know, have you had oral sex or have you given it?

42:59 Drew And this is this is before you've gone out with him.

43:02 Caller Yes.

43:03 Adam Yeah. This is sort of they've known each other for a while.

43:05 Caller Yeah.

43:05 Drew But this is him sort of taking an inventory before he decides what guys are great.

43:09 Adam But he was enthusiastic about you. And then what did he want anything from you?

43:15 Caller Well, he was talking about how, well, I know that he has a few other girls that like him. And he's not like a player kind of guy. He's always been really quiet and kind of distant from a lot of girls.

43:28 Drew Yeah. Those guys are never, never the brooding. Yeah.

43:33 Adam It's like the serial killers. He quietly kept to himself. He could never be the guy.

43:37 Drew Same guy. Interesting.

43:38 Adam No, the guys who do it are the gregarious, outgoing ones. Those are the killers. All right. Well, I love guys. Guys are great, too, because you wonder, what's wrong with this story? They've known each other for four years. They've been around each other. He's had other girlfriends. He's never actually tried to lower the boom on her. And Sara, you play the part of 16-year-old Jenna asking me. This is great, too.

44:07 Drew This is 17-year-old Adam. You and Adam met at the Christian camp four years ago.

44:13 Adam What's the guy's name, Jenna?

44:15 Caller I don't really want to say, because I know he's fake.

44:17 Drew Give us a name. Give us a name. That'll work.

44:20 Adam It's going to take 20 minutes.

44:23 Drew Trevor. That's good.

44:24 Adam That's a perfect name.

44:25 Drew Well done.

44:26 Adam OK.

44:26 Caller OK, ready?

44:27 Adam Yeah, you're Jenna. Hey, hey, hey, Jenna.

44:32 Drew Jenna.

44:34 Caller It doesn't bother me.

44:36 Adam Whatever.

44:36 Caller It's cool. Listen, I was just, I don't know. I don't know if you sort of, but like whatever, like the past couple of years, I was just thinking, you seem cool. And like, I know that you dated Joe for a while, but now you guys are done. I mean, I just kind of think you're, I think you're, I think you're a cool guy. And I was kind of wondering if you think I'm like, I'm, you know, I don't know.

44:57 Adam I think, I think you're cool, too. Yeah.

45:00 Caller OK.

45:01 Adam You know what would make you cooler if you gave me a handy? Oh. Is that something you're into? What are you done?

45:09 Caller Well, I don't, I mean.

45:11 Adam I mean, I'm into you.

45:12 Caller You are?

45:13 Adam Yeah. But I'd like to be more India. And it'd be easier for me to be more India if, you know, my dork was into your mouth.

45:21 Best Of You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

45:23 Caller I don't know how Jesus would feel about that.

45:25 Adam Oh, he's cool.

45:27 Best Of He's cool.

45:28 Caller Yeah.

45:28 Adam Because I talk, I saw this clay mated show at like 430 in the morning with this dog and this other guy. And whatever it was, I just remember walking away from it thinking it's cool. So that's cool. So we can start dating if your interpretation of dating is you give me a handy in my truck.

45:54 Caller OK.

45:55 Adam Cool. Don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody. Jenna? Thank you. Of course. Of course. I know. Yes.

46:06 Caller It's hard, Jenna. Like, that's a hard situation for you. I bet you were like, I don't know what to say. Because on one hand, here's this guy you really like. And so you don't want to miss an opportunity. But then on the other hand, you kind of feel itky about it, right?

46:18 Caller Yeah, exactly. I mean, I'm not that goody goody Christian.

46:22 Drew No, no.

46:24 Caller I have morals. And I like to.

46:27 Drew What you're supposed to say is he wasn't that big of an a-hole. But if he was that big of an a-hole, anybody standing back and lists that interaction would go, Jenna, run.

46:37 Adam This guy's a mistake.

46:38 Drew A huge mistake. You're great.

46:40 Caller And you sound awesome. I think you can do so much better. You just sound like such a cool girl. I think you can aim higher.

46:47 Adam And I know you're really into him because everyone else is into him. And there's some heat and all that.

46:52 Caller I don't know him from like his friends.

46:55 Caller Like we met kind of separately and I've known him for a while.

46:57 Caller And I just I've seen a lot of his good side.

46:59 Adam And I know. But let's you know, you've seen you've seen the side of him that's mildly interested in you at best. And that is alluring to you. Find some nice guy who's into you.

47:11 Caller It's not a bad thing.

47:13 Adam And girls, I know it goes against your nature oftentimes. But you better start getting used to it. It's a better life being with people that want to be with you in a sincere way.

47:23 Drew I think how awful it is. She she has to say, yeah, that's Trevor. Adam, good job. That was Trevor. That sucks. Yeah. I mean, well, that's what we say. I love that.

47:33 Adam I deserve some praise for my portrayal of a 17 year old Trevor.

47:37 Caller I, on the other hand, was too goody goody.

47:39 Adam No, no, you were solid, Jenna.

47:41 Caller Really?

47:41 Drew I that's how he was able to play Trevor so well. He had a good Canada work.

47:45 Caller Perfect.

47:45 Adam Yeah. We'll take ourselves a quick break. May we'll get on that show. You know, it's been a while. Less than perfect. Do a little guest casting.

47:55 Drew Come on. I have my backing debut coming up now.

47:57 Adam You've seen my range. It's Trevor.

47:59 Caller I was really impressed.

48:01 Adam I was.

48:01 Caller We take place in a news station. You know, you guys could play anchors, you know, or we could be make.

48:06 Drew We do appearances and stuff. We could be coming to town like we did at Dawson's Creek.

48:10 Adam Oh, yeah.

48:11 Drew No, I wouldn't.

48:12 Adam Sure. You're real.

48:13 Best Of All right.

48:14 Adam We're going to take a quick break. Sara Rue is here.

48:17 Caller We'll be right back.

48:18 Best Of All right, guys.

48:20 Bottom line, here's the deal.

48:22 Best Of Sick of wasting time with the wrong person. One call is all you need to make.

48:26 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE. Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew, I wanna drive alternative San Francisco. Let's go.

48:53 Caller Hey, everybody, it's the best of Loveline.

48:56 Adam I'm Adam, that's...

48:58 Drew Me.

48:58 Caller Yeah, when I point, yeah, say your full name.

49:00 Drew Yeah, Drew.

49:02 Adam Drew, really? It's not enough that I do 90% of the show, now you don't want to do the 10% you have to do? Me?

49:09 Drew Not tonight.

49:09 Caller Drew just looked at him. Come on, quit pouting, buddy.

49:13 Adam You know, it's coming up.

49:14 Drew Brooke Burns, I remember that night, you were excited about that.

49:18 Caller As you, a man of passion would be as well.

49:21 Drew As I was.

49:22 Caller As you is. Love Line, Fast Grown Outlaw Radio, North America. This close to dropping Trout.

49:35 Drew I'll do it, he'll do it.

49:36 Caller I'll do it, man. I tell you, I'm a wild man.

49:38 Caller Let's say this, Brooke Burns, hot, hot, hot. I tell you, that's a show, boy. Got them gals jumping in a tank this close to dropping trowel. Drew, I tell you.

49:52 Drew Don't, don't, don't.

49:52 Caller Don't drop trowel.

49:54 Drew Don't make him.

49:54 Caller I'm a wild man. Drew knows he'll do it, right buddy?

49:57 Drew He's a wild man. He'll do it, he'll do it.

50:00 Caller Oh my God. Stop him. I'm so afraid right now.

50:02 Drew I mean, you'll do it.

50:03 Adam I have threatened to drop trowel numerous times, have I not, Drew?

50:06 Drew And, oh yeah.

50:07 Caller Even though you've actually never seen me drop trowel. I'm in charge of the Hyman judging competition.

50:25 Caller I'll drop trowel. I'll tear away the door. Ah yeah.

50:33 Adam I'm horrified.

50:34 Drew You're well enough to know that you're doing a parody.

50:36 Best Of Oh.

50:38 Adam Come on, baby, I'm just screwing around.

50:40 Best Of I love the kids.

50:42 Adam Let's all just get our focus here.

50:46 Caller That's what I'm concerned about.

50:49 Adam Drew, who'd be a really pedophile? I'm last on your pedophile list. Am I not?

50:54 Drew Yes, you're sort of.

50:55 Adam I'm on the sofa waiting to die every night.

50:57 Drew We're mostly worried about the next heartbeat with you.

50:59 Adam Yeah, like I would like to do a lot of this criminal behavior, but I just don't have the energy.

51:04 Drew The only reason the receiving issue is viable for you because you sit and receive pressure.

51:09 Adam Right, I'm a receiver.

51:10 Drew If you maintain your blood pressure.

51:14 Adam So I'm really, I'm too lazy. I'm too lazy to violate anybody.

51:17 Caller I got that.

51:18 Caller So you're perfect.

51:19 Adam Your kids are safe, you're safe.

51:20 Caller I know, it's the blonde thing.

51:23 Adam No, I mean, I'm all right with blondes, but Drew, Drew, that is right in his sweet spot.

51:31 Caller I mean, he just loves, he just loves his blondes.

51:34 Caller He's such a passionate man.

51:36 Adam I mean, it's difficult. I mean, he's a passionate man. I've said that before. Michelle?

51:43 Caller I'm sure his wife appreciates it.

51:45 Adam Well, she's blonde, so she's lucky. She's the recipient of his unyielding passion.

51:50 Drew And she.

51:51 Adam And she. Although she kicks his ass all over the place. Michelle? You're 22? What's up?

52:00 Caller I was just wondering if you ever get your sex drive back after you've.

52:04 Adam Oh yeah, that's you. Yeah, what about it, prep?

52:07 Caller 22, 22. Is it gone? Like completely? Oh, two kids?

52:12 Yeah.

52:12 Adam Well now, did you.

52:13 It was completely gone after the first.

52:15 Adam Oh.

52:15 Drew It's actually very common. Even at young age. Yeah.

52:18 When does it come back?

52:19 Drew Well, usually within the first year. Did you have any depression?

52:23 Best Of Yeah.

52:24 Drew Yeah, were you treated for that?

52:26 Best Of Yeah.

52:26 Drew Are you on medication now?

52:28 Not right now, but I was.

52:29 Drew What were you taking?

52:30 Prozac.

52:31 Drew All right, so Prozac will really shut your libido down. Oh yeah. That may have had you-

52:35 Ruined it.

52:36 Drew Yeah, that may have had you quite shut down. Some gynecologists will put people on the birth control pill of ways to try to stabilize the hormonal environment and give you something back. And women are very sensitive to the biological environment. Not a lot is made of this, but tremendously sensitive. And after pregnancy, you've been exposed to a huge dose of progesterone and even massive changes in your biology.

52:58 Caller All over the math books.

52:59 Drew And then let down afterwards, and that's where some of the depressions come from. But also there can be changes in your sex drive and uh-oh.

53:05 Adam I heard a smoke detector battery.

53:07 Drew Yes.

53:08 Adam Did I hear a smoke detector battery? Low battery chirp?

53:12 Drew Michelle? We heard it.

53:15 Caller Heard what?

53:16 Adam Do you have a smoke detector with a low battery?

53:18 Drew Brooke is confused. Yes you do.

53:21 Caller Uh-oh.

53:23 Adam What's the matter?

53:24 Caller I think the phone's gonna die.

53:25 You're right.

53:26 Adam You got two low batteries. We're gonna try to keep you on long enough to hear that chirp again. Do you have a smoke detector in your house?

53:35 Well I'm not in there. I'm in the car.

53:37 Adam You're in the car? It's crazy.

53:40 Drew We both heard it.

53:41 Adam Yeah. We're sensitive.

53:42 Caller That's the low battery thing I guess. She's dying. Talk, people talk.

53:46 Adam All right, so listen. How's your husband? You have a husband?

53:50 Yeah, he's hating it.

53:51 Adam Yeah, but how are you feeling about him?

53:53 Caller Well is he helping?

53:54 Adam You love him.

53:55 Drew The relationship is good.

53:56 Caller The relationship's good.

53:58 It kind of sucks because I never want to put out.

54:00 Adam Right, but how about kickstarting yourself by just putting out anyway?

54:04 Caller Well I think it's hard too because I gained a lot of weight so I don't feel as.

54:07 Adam Yeah. Wait, he doesn't care, right?

54:10 Drew He's into you. He's into you. We understand you don't feel it.

54:13 Adam He says he doesn't care. I know, this is crazy. Women do this all the time. They decide we're not into them because they put on some weight or done something. We'll decide when we're not into you. I know, but. Actually, I mean, I'll decide and then I'll tell him.

54:24 Drew Tell everybody, yeah.

54:25 Adam Right.

54:25 Caller But it's just gross, I feel bad for him.

54:27 Caller Well then lose the weight then.

54:28 Drew The feeling bad for him is. The feeling bad for him.

54:31 Adam Cutting him off is where he should feel bad for.

54:33 Drew Oh yeah. But listen.

54:34 Adam That's being punished twice. Got to look at a fat ass he can't get to.

54:37 Best Of I know, it sucks.

54:39 Adam It's horrible.

54:40 Best Of I know.

54:41 Adam Thanks.

54:42 Drew All right, Michelle, look. Talk to your gynecologist. Sometimes something as simple as going on the birth control pill will get things started again. And certainly stay off the serotonin reuptake and himming medication. Those are the ones that.

54:51 Caller And work out.

54:52 Drew Really shouldn't work out. You gotta make you feel better about yourself.

54:54 Caller Emotionally and physically.

54:55 Drew Change the level of circulating hormones. Of the medicines that are sort of okay for sex drive. Serosone, Remeron, Welbutrin and maybe Lexapro.

55:05 Adam What do you do, Brooke? What do you do to keep in that fantastic shape you're in?

55:09 Caller I always like to say that I have a trainer, but she's two and a half feet tall. So having a three year old and doing it on your own keeps you in great shape because you're constantly running, squatting, lifting.

55:18 Adam That's right.

55:20 Caller Chasing.

55:20 Adam It's true. No, you just look like you look then, right?

55:24 Caller No, I mean I do a lot of stuff. Swimming, dancing, still, and that kind of thing. I find for women, or for me, I don't like using any kind of weight over like a five pound weight for me because I like to stay with the whole long and lean thing as opposed to things that are hard on your joints or getting too bulky, especially being on television and stuff, so.

55:44 Adam Yeah, I tell you what's hard on the joint is watching that dog eat dog. I'm not going to have broken that skimpy outfit, Dr. Drouf.

55:51 Best Of Yeah, hard on the joint.

55:52 Caller We've come full circle.

55:54 Adam Yeah, yeah. All right, so you're like, you're active. You're an active person.

55:59 Caller Absolutely, for sure.

56:01 Adam Yeah, but your shape has not changed much in the last 10 years, has it?

56:07 Caller No, not a lot.

56:08 Adam All right, see, there you go, everybody.

56:09 Drew So she should do a video.

56:10 Adam You're not going to put out one of those crappy videos, are you? Do people want you to put out a video?

56:14 Caller Would you like me to put out a video?

56:15 Adam I would, yes, a personal video.

56:17 Drew But it should say, here's my genetic.

56:20 Adam Yeah, I'd like you to put out.

56:22 Caller It's not fair, being young and having a child and then obviously, you know, genetically, it's so hard.

56:29 Drew That's the video, there it is.

56:30 Adam There it is, you're a very attractive person, that's how you're born.

56:34 Drew It's not fair video.

56:35 Adam It's not about putting slices of cucumber over your eyes when you go to bed or lifting bleach jugs filled with water, right? No, nonsense, you're hot, cause that's the way God did it. And other women, God punished, he punishes those. Maybe they're evil, maybe their parents did something wrong. Other women were punished, you were blessed.

56:55 Caller I found that the happier you are in life, and that means across the board, emotionally and spiritually and everything, and the more you get out there and just enjoy life, your body will actually come to a place that it's happy being and it'll stabilize.

57:09 Adam That's gonna be a nice BS for the front of the video. When we go on the tour, that's the kind of BS I want to hear when we go on and plug the video.

57:15 Caller But it's true that people who obsess about it, I've been around dancers all my life, models, actors, these are all women who constantly struggle.

57:22 Drew Don't have the same genetic development and have to struggle.

57:24 Adam Right, no, no, it's true. It is true that when people are sort of, I always just call it have a puss on, but when people are sort of in a general, some people are in a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and they start looking physically like they just bit it.

57:39 Caller Obsess over everything.

57:41 Adam You know what they look like? They look like when you take a swig out of something in the refrigerator, you think it's iced tea and it's buttermilk and you got that face on. They walk around that way, marginally less attractive, but you could think horrible, horrible thoughts, like just vile, racist, horrible thoughts all day and you'd still be hot. That's what I'm saying. Drew, you with me?

58:03 Caller Am I supposed to say thank you at this point?

58:06 Drew You just say, yes, sir, I understand.

58:07 Caller Yes, sir, I understand.

58:08 Drew I understand what you're saying.

58:10 Adam But still, a video wouldn't be bad, just one, just one. Jessica? You're 19? What's going on?

58:17 Caller Who's the guest that's on?

58:18 Adam Brooke Burns, Dog Eat Dog.

58:26 Caller Same last name?

58:27 Drew What?

58:28 Caller Is that what she said?

58:29 Adam No, she said she hasn't been listening but she's been on the phone. Hey, Jessica?

58:32 Drew Yeah. No, no, it's because she's listening somewhere where she's hearing last night's show.

58:36 Adam You're hearing last night's show.

58:38 Drew She's been on the phone for a couple of minutes here and couldn't figure out.

58:40 Adam Oh, she's only been on hold for a few minutes.

58:42 Drew Yeah, you were about to punish her.

58:42 Adam I was about to punish her for her insolence. That's to protect you, my dear.

58:47 Caller Oh, thank you, God.

58:48 Adam I thought she was cracking wise.

58:49 Caller I feel very safe.

58:50 Adam Yeah, you ever see dog eat dog?

58:52 Caller Please don't punish me if I say no.

58:55 Adam Have you not seen those show where those idiots who look good in bathing suits are dunked in tanks? Why, what are you doing?

59:02 Drew Where are you in college?

59:04 Caller I don't wanna say.

59:05 Drew What city are you in? Boston.

59:07 Caller Boston? BU.

59:09 Adam All right. So.

59:10 Drew I came within inches of going to medical school there.

59:12 Adam Oh, who cares? Go ahead, Jessica.

59:15 Caller Okay, my question is, why do I get so horny like right before my period? Like I, like right before my period.

59:24 Drew She's from Long Island though.

59:25 Adam Where are you from?

59:29 Best Of Yeah, she sounds like it.

59:31 Adam All right, why is this, Drew?

59:33 Drew High levels of progesterone circulate around then.

59:36 Caller I mean like wicked.

59:38 Drew Wicked, wicked, horny, all right.

59:39 Adam We know you're from Boston.

59:40 Drew Yeah, New England anyway.

59:42 Adam Yeah.

59:43 Drew Jessica, and some women have an increase in sex drive with the androgenic effects of progesterone. It has a testosterone-like effect. Really? For some women, it completely shuts them down, shuts them off. This is the great, men do not have this sort of diversity response to their sex hormones. It's one direction. It's just the volumes up or down. In women, there's all these differences of response. Some women, for instance, if you were to take the progesterone shot, you know, the Depo Provera, you'd probably be kind of horny all the time. And some women take that shot and they're depressed and shut down the entire time.

1:00:17 Caller Does it depend on what kind of person you are?

1:00:20 Drew No, no.

1:00:23 Adam Well, some may become more sexual. All right, so you get a little whipped up around your period. That's a fine double edged sword for your man.

1:00:33 Drew It's interesting. I don't know of any evidence to support that. But yeah, I would think that women that responded to androgens would be sort of more masculine like in their sexual orientation.

1:00:43 Adam All right, you have a boyfriend? He does. And he does, you do. So does he, he- Does he mind having sex with you around the period? You get it on?

1:00:56 Caller We get it on.

1:00:58 Adam I see.

1:00:59 Drew How's that work again?

1:01:00 Caller I have another question. Okay, also, can you tell I'm like on my period?

1:01:05 Drew Can we tell now?

1:01:06 Caller No, I'm just kidding.

1:01:07 Adam Yeah, you seem bloated. Yeah, your ankles are swollen. Yeah.

1:01:10 Caller My breasts like get really swollen, you know?

1:01:13 Caller Like right around my period.

1:01:16 Drew Right. Yeah.

1:01:17 Caller Like really big and I like it a lot. I was wondering like if there's like a pill, like you can-

1:01:23 Drew Yes, again, being on a birth control pill sometimes, it depends on the mix and the hormones.

1:01:28 Adam Your breasts don't get enlarged around your period?

1:01:30 Drew Sometimes.

1:01:31 Adam Yeah.

1:01:32 Caller Yeah, mine get like really swollen.

1:01:34 Adam Yeah, we got that. All right, I don't know if that's just beat off or vomit. I'm not sure what to do. Bouncy, bouncy. I'd have to take a look at you, Jessica. Oh. That Bostonian accent is unattractive though. I gotta say. Yeah, it's horrible. What is? The Bostonian dialect.

1:01:50 Caller Oh my God, you're so cruel.

1:01:52 Adam That's all right, she's got a guy, she's getting sacked, she's all swollen. No, you're hot, right? Are you?

1:02:03 Caller You changed your mind pretty fast there.

1:02:05 Adam You know what I've realized, I'm putting a theory together about people and it took me a while to realize that almost everyone from not so much New England but Boston are wise asses. Now, I'm putting this, I put it together because I've been exposed to a lot of these guys recently and I remember, it all dawned on me a few years ago when the Rams were playing New England in the Super Bowl and I was out in New Orleans and as we know, New England had their sort of miraculous victory and as I was walking around seeing all the guys that were celebrating, all the Bostonian guys and New Englanders who were celebrating, they were much more interested in finding out who the Rams fans were and punishing them. They had no real interest in the actual celebration part. It was more about seeking out guys, finding out if they were into the Rams and attempting to punish them. And then I started thinking about all, I've met a lot of new guys from this part of the world and I've realized they're smarter than other people, which makes them dangerous. It really is.

1:03:13 Caller They are smarter or they think they're smarter?

1:03:15 Adam No, they're actually smarter. I mean, when you're dealing, like when you're working in the blue collar world and you're out here in Los Angeles, you're dealing with just guys who have sawdust in their head. I mean, you're dealing with some of the stupidest guys in the world. I've worked with them my whole life.

1:03:31 Caller I have a large generalization.

1:03:33 Caller No, they're all dumb.

1:03:34 Caller Is this like an East Coast, West Coast thing?

1:03:36 Caller I've worked with all of them.

1:03:37 Adam They're just the stupidest guys you ever want to meet. They just really are. The Bostonian blue collar guys, they're a little bit smarter and they all have a little bit of a F with Eugene that's in them. They like to jab, they like to spar verbally.

1:03:51 Drew I went to school in New England and I noticed that you could talk to a guy who was a homeless person and he will have read the paper. You'll have an opinion about what's going on in the world that day and you can't find that person in Los Angeles. No, in Los Angeles.

1:04:06 Adam No, Los Angeles.

1:04:07 Drew Why is that? Well, it's just the culture.

1:04:09 Adam It's a combination, but you're not gonna have a conversation with the guy who's parking your car, washing your car or building your house.

1:04:17 Drew Out there you can.

1:04:18 Adam There you have.

1:04:19 Drew In fact, they insist on it. They come at you.

1:04:21 Adam Yeah, anyway, but they're a-holes most of them. They use their intellectual power for evil. That's what they do. And she was, and the women don't normally have this in spades like the guys do, but that was a Bostonian chick who liked to, they got a little bit of a sailor mouth and they liked it like the spa, verbally, or spas, they would say verbally.

1:04:47 Caller So where do the Texans fall into this whole little research?

1:04:50 Adam They're just sort of nice. They're, no, I would say you got simpler, more attractive.

1:04:57 Drew More social.

1:04:58 Adam More social and not looking for an angle. Here's the deal. The East Coast, when they meet a new person and they size them up, they're looking for an opening. They're looking for an angle. Looking for something. Now, people that I've met from more the middle of the country and Texas especially, they're just more, they're not looking, they're looking for an angle, but sort of a happy angle. They want to know, what do you do? Oh, I put on siding. Oh, that sounds nice, you know?

1:05:26 Drew That sounds barbecue.

1:05:27 Adam Yeah.

1:05:29 Caller Want to come over and hang out?

1:05:31 Adam Yeah, where the Boston guy's like, yeah, how about you side your Vega you pulled up in, you putz, and they just start abusing you immediately. Yeah, see, Texas is nice.

1:05:41 Best Of And the West Coast Californian?

1:05:43 Adam West Coast is a tough mix, because you got a lot of Hispanics here who are just sort of, they're not interested in anything, they got their own culture, you know.

1:05:51 Best Of Except working, they work.

1:05:52 Adam Oh, they just work, yeah, but they don't. They work hard. No, they work hard, and they're not really, they don't want to ask you what went on. They don't want to talk current events, you know. They're busy working hard, yeah. Yeah, and you got your whole sort of the mishmash Asian thing in there, which is the same thing with the Spanish. They're just working hard. They're just Korean, Vietnamese. They're just doing their own thing. I mean, look at it this way. You live in Los Angeles. You don't talk to anybody because there's a language barrier oftentimes. And this is not racist at all, but you pull into the mini market. You're not talking, chatting with the 45 year old Korean woman behind the counter about what else is going on.

1:06:29 Caller Because I'm Texan.

1:06:31 Drew She oftentimes there's a Well, the reason she ever answered you is she doesn't understand.

1:06:35 Caller Oh, thanks for clearing that up for me.

1:06:39 Adam The guy, the guy who parks your car, you're not talking to. You're not talking to many of the people you come across in Los Angeles and then the ones that you do can talk. And usually just the top two or three percent of a-holes from around the country have come over here to do something. So they're very much into whatever they're doing. They don't, they don't have time. So this is a horrible place to live socially. Socially bad.

1:07:04 Caller I don't know. I think that sounds like a personal problem.

1:07:07 Adam Oh no, everyone loves me.

1:07:09 Caller I love everyone.

1:07:09 Adam Right, Drew? Look at us.

1:07:12 Caller We're getting along.

1:07:13 Adam We're thick as thieves. Exactly.

1:07:15 Caller I don't know what you're complaining about. Socially bad place to live.

1:07:18 Caller What are you talking about?

1:07:20 Adam Once in a while, a jewel like you comes out from Texas and sheds a little light on the dreary landscape here.

1:07:27 Caller Thanks for caressing my ego more.

1:07:29 Adam We'll be right back.

1:07:43 Drew 1-800-LOVE-191 You know, Adam, Ann has been doing her job.

1:07:45 Caller Producer Ann?

1:07:46 Drew We've had some great guests.

1:07:46 Caller Really have.

1:07:48 Adam And I'll tell you, it's a talent cavalcade that just doesn't stop. I mean, it's a train. It's the brakes are shot and it's just rolling down the track.

1:07:57 Drew Well, and what's coming in next?

1:07:58 Caller Tell you what's coming in next. A guy who I found delightful.

1:08:01 Adam Two guys I found delightful, but one guy I didn't care about. Peter Gallagher, who just turns out to be the nicest guy in show business. And Adam Brody's turns out to be a swell guy, too. Both from the OC showing us how they do it in the OC. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Adam Brody here tonight, Peter Gallagher here tonight, both from the OC on Fox. At 9 o'clock, they're going to hang out with us for this one last break. And they're nice enough to do that because they were just going to stay for the first hour, but we got too caught up in Danielle. We couldn't say proper goodbyes to the boys.

1:08:42 Drew Right. And nor did we finish with Danielle, which was, again, this is a horrible choice as a young person, getting yourself involved in very chaotic relationships, sexual identity confusion, and needs help. I mean, she really does. The basic advice we would give you is cool down, stop having relations with anybody for a couple of years. Thank God she doesn't, clearly, fairly clear doesn't have the gene for addiction or just explode.

1:09:05 Adam But what do you do when you're from where Danielle's from, you have big boobs and the fellas like you?

1:09:12 Drew And you have low self-esteem and the only thing you want is their validation.

1:09:14 Adam And daddy's sleeping on a army cot on the service porch after he pulls the rig in every four months. I mean, you just, you should find Jesus Christ. Should you, should you just get immersed in softball? I mean, you just, you got to Danielle, people like Danielle have to get involved with stuff at school and just stay with it. And Drew, a new twist on you punching the mic, yeah, Drew whacked it with his glasses this time. He usually doesn't use a tool. He's like primitive man. Now he's, now he's entered a new age where he's actually using tools against his foe. What the deuce? The microphone. Yes. So Danielle, please. Don't get pregnant. That's what you need not to do. Let's move forward. We got a question for Adam Brody here. Tanya.

1:10:07 Best Of Are you on Tanya 21?

1:10:09 Caller Yes, I am.

1:10:10 Adam What's up?

1:10:11 I have a question for Adam.

1:10:13 Caller I was wondering, I read somewhere that you ad-lib a lot of your lines as Seth, and I was just wondering if, how much of you is actually infused into the character of Seth now as opposed to the beginning of the series?

1:10:27 Caller He's a lot more like me now, just, but more, less from me, you know, throwing lines in and then, you know, Josh, the creator of the show, he's, you know, become a good friend of all the cast and he knows us really well, so he writes, everyone I think has become more like their characters.

1:10:43 Drew Did he grow up in the OC?

1:10:45 Caller No, he's just from Providence. He went to USC, I guess there's a lot on Newport, he's only 27, he's kind of on the show, I guess he was the youngest kid I would have at drama. Wow. But anyways, he knows us really well, so he ends up writing a lot of the stuff we say just naturally, it's kind of like Easter egg hunt, you'll flip through the script and you'll just see things that you didn't know he was going to, you weren't even talking about characters, you were talking about music or something and he just throws it in the script. That's great, everyone, that happens to everyone.

1:11:12 Adam Is he right every episode?

1:11:14 Caller He either writes, I mean he's executive producer slash writer, so I mean he has a hand, he sometimes, there's a team of writers but he's always in the hand.

1:11:22 Caller Sometimes he writes an episode from beginning to end and he has his hand in I think every episode.

1:11:27 Adam Oh, I hate guys like that. Hi, Tonya. You're cool, right?

1:11:33 Caller Yeah.

1:11:35 Adam You watch that OC tomorrow night. Thanks, Tonya. Nine o'clock, Fox.

1:11:40 Caller Yeah, no problem.

1:11:42 Drew Depends where you're listening to us. If you're hearing us east, it's tonight.

1:11:45 Adam Beyond a day delay, right? Except for it's after the show.

1:11:48 Drew Except you're right.

1:11:49 Adam Thank you. You'll catch it next week. Michael? You're 20?

1:11:57 Caller Correct.

1:11:58 Adam What's happening?

1:11:59 Caller Actually, I got a question for Dr. Drew. When I was seven years old, I had a brain tumor, so I'm kind of disabled.

1:12:14 Adam How are you disabled?

1:12:17 Caller I'm legally blind and legally deaf. And you can probably tell by my voice, too, you know.

1:12:27 Drew Well, you hear seemingly fairly well, right?

1:12:29 Caller Yes. I was diagnosed on March 1st of 91, so it's been in remission for 13 years.

1:12:38 Adam How do you get to be legally deaf, because I'd like to go for that. What's the test like? I mean, we're conversing over the telephone. You seem fine.

1:12:49 Caller Well, see, I can't hear anything out of my left ear, and I'm talking to you with my right ear.

1:12:55 Drew So he's deaf in his left ear.

1:12:57 Adam Deaf in your left ear, and legally blind pretty much means you can see stuff, but you can't get your driver's license?

1:13:04 Caller No. My site is just barely where they won't let me get my license.

1:13:11 Drew What kind of tumor did you have? What kind of tumor did you have?

1:13:16 Caller With a medulloblastoma brain tumor.

1:13:19 Drew Medullobastoma, okay. Those are in the cerebellum, usually, right? So Adam picked up my mic sock and had it.

1:13:25 Caller Yeah, well, I blame you.

1:13:26 Adam Yeah, your bad influence on the kids. These OC kids, especially, they're very impressionable.

1:13:31 Drew Was it in the back part of your brain?

1:13:33 Caller Yes, it was on my optic nerve.

1:13:36 Adam Drew, are you a real doctor or just a love doctor? All right, so they took it out, yeah?

1:13:43 Caller Correct.

1:13:43 Adam Right, and because of the tumor, you have the problem with the seeing and the hearing.

1:13:48 Drew Right. They hit the optic nerve when they took it out.

1:13:51 Caller Oh, really? But that wasn't my question.

1:13:53 Adam All right. But what other problems do you have?

1:13:57 Caller Nothing, really.

1:13:58 Drew Did you have radiation also?

1:14:00 Caller Yes, I had radiation and chemotherapy and that's where my question comes from. The doctors have been saying, I haven't been tested yet, but the doctor has been saying I might not be able to have kids because of all the chemotherapy and radiation.

1:14:16 Drew Right.

1:14:17 Caller So, and I was wondering, the radiation stunts my growth.

1:14:21 Drew Right.

1:14:22 Caller It stopped my spines from growing when I was seven. So, I was wondering if that had anything to do with the reason why I have a small penis.

1:14:31 Adam Couldn't hurt, right?

1:14:32 Drew Yeah, it sounds like everything kind of stunted at that point. Did you ever see an endocrinologist?

1:14:38 Caller No, I haven't.

1:14:39 Drew Make sure the pituitary is functioning normally because that's sort of the main gland in your body that drives the rest of them.

1:14:45 Adam Well, how big are you?

1:14:47 Caller I had a growth hormone shot for three years.

1:14:51 Drew Good. I wonder...

1:14:52 Caller And I'd go in all the time and they'd check that.

1:14:55 Drew Was that the neurosurgeons did that or do the endocrinologists do that?

1:14:58 Caller Endocrinologists.

1:15:00 Drew Okay, so...

1:15:01 Caller But they never told me if I could have kids or anything like that.

1:15:07 Adam Well, how big are you in stature? Not your penis size, but we'll get to that.

1:15:13 Caller I'd say about four hard.

1:15:16 Drew Four feet?

1:15:16 Adam No, four hard.

1:15:18 Drew Four, you know, he's back to...

1:15:19 Adam Yeah. He wanted to... Yeah, I begged you to stay away from the penis, but you couldn't help it. You went right to the underpants. All right, so you're four hard.

1:15:26 Drew That's why chromosome is functioning just fine.

1:15:28 Adam Yeah, so you get a good erection.

1:15:30 Caller Sorry?

1:15:32 Adam I could do damage with four. To me, it's a small blade, but I still kill a man. I mean a woman. Well, you know what I'm saying.

1:15:38 Caller Whatever.

1:15:40 Adam Yeah, you got to hit the jugular. You can't hit the fatty tissue and I can't hit the butt cheek or anything like that. You got to go right. You got to pierce the ribs.

1:15:47 Caller Get right in there.

1:15:47 Drew They call you the butcher.

1:15:48 Adam That's why I call myself the butcher. They call me the baker, the candlestick maker. So Michael, how tall are you? Not your penis.

1:16:00 Caller I'm 5'2.

1:16:02 Drew 5'2.

1:16:02 Adam 5'2. And how much do you weigh?

1:16:05 Caller 140.

1:16:05 Drew Do you have normal body hair distribution? That sort of thing?

1:16:09 Caller Sorry?

1:16:09 Drew Do you have normal body hair?

1:16:10 Caller I do, but it's thin because of the radiation it fell out of because of the chemotherapy and all.

1:16:19 Adam Are you a virgin?

1:16:21 Drew Do you have orgasms? Do you have semen come out?

1:16:26 Caller Yeah, when I jack off. Okay.

1:16:28 Adam Oh, when you jack off. Okay, good. So it's not like your fountain. You just walk around like a rain bird all day just to.

1:16:41 Drew Oh, thank Christ. So what you need is a sperm count to see if there's a potential for fertility. So you're making semen normally, you have sexual functioning and that will remain to be seen, I guess.

1:16:51 Adam Four inches at 5'2 is, eh, about what you like to be.

1:16:55 Drew Yeah.

1:16:57 Adam Hey, Michael. Here's what you got to focus on, performing oral sex. Not on yourself, but on the ladies. You get good at that, all is forgiven. Okay, so focus on that. Don't talk to your doctors about that. That'll be our little secret.

1:17:15 Drew But bring this up to the doctors. It's totally appropriate for you to be talking about these issues with them and now it's just fine. Yeah. So back to the endocrinologist and see what, get an assessment and see if there's anything further they need to do, which probably not, it sounds like things are functioning well.

1:17:27 Adam And with technology the way it is these days, you'll be able to have kids one way or the other.

1:17:32 Drew There are certain chemo's that knock that out, but you know.

1:17:34 Adam No, but what I'm saying is, is you find a woman, you're in love, you want to start a family, there's some problem with your sperm count, you borrow a little from your brother or Dr. Drew, whatever, you buy a little on the internet, it's all good. Okay, buddy.

1:17:49 Drew Are you working?

1:17:51 Caller No, I'm on disability.

1:17:52 Adam All right. Anything you want to do? Do you have any interests?

1:18:02 Drew Are you meeting girls?

1:18:03 Caller Sorry?

1:18:04 Drew Are you meeting women?

1:18:06 Caller No, it's very hard for me because I'm disabled.

1:18:10 Adam Yeah, it is, but there's a certain breed of chick that'll go for that. And if you find that, you're in great shape. You got to find one. Yeah, all right. Get involved with some of those groups and do that stuff and just go to school and be a biologist. You'll be fine.

1:18:25 Drew Question for the guest. Oh, yeah.

1:18:27 Adam Question for the guest here. Monique?

1:18:30 Caller Yes?

1:18:31 Adam You're 16?

1:18:33 Caller Yeah.

1:18:33 Adam What's up?

1:18:35 Caller I have a question for Adam Brody.

1:18:36 Adam Here he is.

1:18:38 Caller Hello.

1:18:41 Caller First off, your show is great. There's not much great TV anymore. It's a great show. I love it.

1:18:47 Caller Thanks.

1:18:47 Caller Thanks for that. I was wondering what you think about playing somebody so much younger than you really are.

1:18:56 Caller Yeah. No, go on.

1:18:57 Caller Sorry. I was just wondering how much of it is your idea of what a 17-year-old guy is and what the script is.

1:19:07 Caller I mean, you know, it's probably more the script. I mean, for the most part, I have to say, I end up playing him kind of... I'm 23 and I end up playing him more like me, but in high school, I play him a little bit more... A little bit smarter and a little bit more literate than I actually was at 17. But I just think that's for the benefit of all the viewers.

1:19:24 Adam All people who are young on TV are like playing older. Most.

1:19:30 Caller Most. Nisha's on our show. She's Barton. She's playing 17. She is 17. But in general, and that has to do more with, I mean, I think the working laws and if you're under 18, they can't work you quite as long.

1:19:43 Adam I'm just saying, like, if you turn on a TV show, there'll be some 15 year old guy who will like pull a switchblade on another kid and go like, man, I don't even know you anymore. And it's like when you're really 15, you're like, right.

1:19:59 Caller No, exactly. Exactly.

1:20:00 Caller Which is why, you know, I think it I think it works fine. I do feel to answer your question, though, I do feel sometimes I don't mind. And then sometimes I just feel ridiculous. Like when we're sometimes we'll go to a location to a real school and I, you know, I strap on a backpack and I'm like lowering like at these short drinking fountains and I just, you know, I just feel ridiculous. But other times when I'm walking around the house and it I don't even, you know, it's fine.

1:20:21 Adam Listen, when that check shows up, you don't feel so bad anymore, yes? Yeah. All right, we'll be back.

1:20:36 Caller Take that. Hey, yo. Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

1:20:55 Adam And this next band is, they wear a lot of eyeshadow.

1:20:58 Drew They do, indeed.

1:20:59 Adam And you know, if I was a gay, I'd be all over them.

1:21:01 Drew They got a lot of attitude.

1:21:03 Adam Even if I was straight, but I had to be with a guy, I'd be all over them.

1:21:06 Drew Yeah, just the makeup part.

1:21:07 Adam Like, I mean, above and, like, let's say, your worst case scenario is like insane clown posse. Sexually, yes?

1:21:14 Drew And then slipknot.

1:21:15 Adam And slipknot, but AFI.

1:21:16 Caller Yeah.

1:21:18 Caller Top of your list, yes?

1:21:20 Drew Oh yeah, mine.

1:21:21 Adam All right, and here's why they made the list. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, David Jade, both here from AFI. Dear, dear friends, AFI, in studio tonight. Drew was just talking during the break about wanting to do some more crank yanker calls and the guys were sitting here from AFI, I think listening with half a ear, probably wondering what Drew was talking about. And I just thought this would be a good time to hear with the new season of crank anchors going in. It would be a good time to hear Drew's crank call where he hipped it up for the kids. This is-

1:21:59 Caller You did a crank call?

1:22:00 Adam Well, yeah, me and Drew did one as Adam and Drew from Loveline, but we put a little different spin on it. We told this kid that we're calling him and we're putting a tape together because we're trying to get the show back on MTV. But MTV told Drew, he had to be a little more urban, a little more with it in order to get on TV. So Drew got a little, he skewed a little younger and a little more urban during this call.

1:22:27 Caller That's your show, Crank and Crucian?

1:22:28 Adam Yep. That's a great show. Oh, thank you. You have it?

1:22:31 Drew I have to leave the room. I can't listen to this.

1:22:32 Adam Drew can't listen. It's too humiliating.

1:22:34 Caller Drew, just sit there like a man.

1:22:36 Best Of All right.

1:22:37 Adam Let's hear it.

1:22:41 Best Of Hello?

1:22:42 Adam Is Bo in? Bo, this is Adam Carolla. You know the show Loveline, right?

1:22:52 Caller Tell you.

1:22:53 Adam Yeah, good. Are you in a room that's quiet where we can talk a little bit?

1:22:58 Caller Why don't you wear a Jack off?

1:23:00 Caller Yeah, go.

1:23:00 Drew Go wear a Jack off.

1:23:01 Caller Yeah, go wear a Jack off.

1:23:05 Drew We're in the barn. That's good.

1:23:07 Adam So Bo, what we're doing here is we're putting together a tape for MTV because we're trying to get the show back on the air.

1:23:14 Best Of Oh hell yeah, man.

1:23:16 Adam And we're going to have Drew kind of hip it up a little, be a little more urban, okay?

1:23:20 Drew Dr. Drew in the hissy.

1:23:22 Best Of Hell yeah.

1:23:22 Drew All right.

1:23:23 Adam So let's just take it like a regular Loveline call and we'll just start at the beginning. Bo, 18, you're on Loveline. What's your problem?

1:23:31 Best Of Well, the problem is I have no sex life.

1:23:34 Drew But why don't you got no play, playa? I don't know. So you ain't hitting the skins. Motherfucker. You undoubtedly are looking to get the throbbing guzzle. You see what I'm saying? In the meantime, you're sitting in the hissy by yourself, thinking about a little aryo, a little palooza action. In the meantime, your dong ain't doing shit. Hey, look, we heard when the call picked up, you got all those shorties running around there. You gotta get out there and get your bitch spunk drunk. You feeling me at your church? If you had a hissy, you would be out of the house. House. I'm telling you, nigga, that it would put you into the mode where you would have no problem to get that freaky shit going. 24-7 Flowin Seamen here in your house. And no hissy, for chizzy.

1:24:18 Best Of Go with the flow, don't talk about it.

1:24:21 Drew So I don't have to use all that freaky, tore up the ass, Ariel LaPaluza, Muff Yo Tang, Throbbin Guzzle, crap in the ass shit, right?

1:24:28 Caller Fuck them, be yourself, who gives a shit if they don't want it?

1:24:30 Drew Look, motherfucker, I'm telling you, don't be a player hater, because when you tap her in the ass, you ain't going to be interested in pistol robbing no more, and the digit is Dizzle, and in the hissy for cheesy, you're going to be great on the QT for real.

1:24:46 Adam Peace out. We wrote it all down on these Marks a Lot boards and held it in front of them, reporting.

1:24:54 Best Of You're flowing with it, though.

1:24:57 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:24:58 Caller Nice doctor.

1:24:59 Adam He can read.

1:25:00 Caller Oh, man.

1:25:00 Adam That's good times.

1:25:02 Caller No doggy doggy.

1:25:03 Caller Dr. Drew was at your door.

1:25:06 Caller All right.

1:25:08 Drew Let's talk to that character again.

1:25:10 Adam Drew, you come up with a good idea. We'll get you back on this season. Listen, you wanted to do Crank Calls last season. And I came up with all the ideas. Now you come up with a good one and we'll do it.

1:25:22 Caller Call up like hip hop stations and pretend to be like a white rapper.

1:25:24 Best Of Yeah. I'm trying to like get in the play or demo time.

1:25:28 Drew So I'll leave me behind, just become white guy being rapper too.

1:25:32 Caller I don't know. I don't know.

1:25:33 Adam I think you've got to be Dr. Drew in the Hizzy.

1:25:36 Drew But why don't you got no play, playa?

1:25:39 Adam Cynthia?

1:25:40 Caller Yeah.

1:25:41 Adam If you had a Hizzy, you could have a house. Cynthia?

1:25:49 Caller Yeah.

1:25:50 Adam What's up?

1:25:52 Caller First off, I have to say, Adam, you're the sexiest person I've ever seen. And I love AFIU, the guys that inspired me to actually start a band and everything like that. So I love you guys. You guys are coming to Fresno next Wednesday, so I'm definitely going to be there. My problem is me and my boyfriend, we try to have sex. And I want to know if it's physically impossible not to have intercourse. And I think it's all because of me.

1:26:21 Adam Oh, you're saying it is physically, you guys couldn't have intercourse.

1:26:25 Caller No, like we try and like he barely puts his head in and it really hurts. Like there's like a shooting pain.

1:26:32 Best Of Right.

1:26:32 Drew Well, that happens sometimes either because of agonism or because of anxiety.

1:26:37 Adam When we say head, you're talking about the end of his penis, right?

1:26:42 Drew Because otherwise, yeah, if you're not enough, that might hurt.

1:26:45 Best Of Yeah.

1:26:47 Caller We've done it, we've tried it, like we've been trying at least like maybe four times a week for the past two months and it doesn't seem to ease up or anything.

1:26:56 Adam God bless you for having that kind of dog determination. Four times a week for two months and no sale? Drew, ask the regular question.

1:27:17 Drew Have you had a pelvic exam recently? Yes. Do you still have a Hyman? Do you still have a Hyman?

1:27:24 Caller I believe I do. He's the first person I've ever been intimate with.

1:27:30 Drew Yeah, but you've had pelvic exams?

1:27:32 Caller Yes.

1:27:34 Drew And did they tell you you used to have a…

1:27:37 Caller They still say that I'm a virgin.

1:27:39 Drew Maybe there's a difficulty rupturing the Hyman. That's something that can happen sometimes.

1:27:43 Caller That's what I'm wondering because I think it might be because of my size.

1:27:48 Drew Well, there's an anatomic problem sometimes.

1:27:52 Adam You see a big boy?

1:27:53 Caller Honestly, but he's really skinny and it really doesn't look like it.

1:28:01 Drew And then most common, more common.

1:28:02 Adam Oh, but he is. Oh, sweet. That's nice. You mean it's skinny or he's skinny? He's extremely thin, but he's got a big sternum log between his legs, right?

1:28:14 Drew Yes. You usually say honkers.

1:28:16 Adam That's nice. See, it's a relative thing.

1:28:19 Drew Yeah, I see.

1:28:21 Adam See, I'm a little hippie and it kind of... Well, anyway, that's not good. Maybe the Heim is there.

1:28:30 Drew Well, finally then, were you sexually abused or is there a reason you'd be having sort of a physical reaction to this? I have been. Yeah.

1:28:36 Adam You have been sexually abused.

1:28:38 Drew That's the more common thing.

1:28:39 Adam All right. That's what it is.

1:28:41 Drew When we get pelvic pain and vaginal pain, when we've been sexually abused.

1:28:44 Adam What happened? Who sexually abused you? Grandfather. Is he dead?

1:28:53 Caller Oh, yes.

1:28:54 Adam Oh, he is?

1:28:54 Caller Yes.

1:28:55 Adam Oh, that's great.

1:28:56 Caller Yeah.

1:28:57 Adam What happened?

1:28:58 Caller Well, he's from Mexico and he came up to visit and it was the first time ever meeting him and that happened. The police had come to him and he was already dead.

1:29:07 Adam I didn't know he was from another culture. We can't judge. We cannot judge. There's only different. There's, it's not better, it's not worse, just different. We can't judge. I thought he was, I thought he was an American guy. Yeah. If he's from Mexico, we can't judge. That's a, that's a country that's rich in tradition. That's true, rich in tradition. You don't know.

1:29:28 Drew All cultures are the same.

1:29:30 Adam They're all the same. We cannot judge. All right. So, but he died, right?

1:29:34 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:29:35 Adam What happened?

1:29:37 Caller I believe he had a heart attack.

1:29:40 Adam That's too bad. I wish there was something worse than that. Okay. So have you got any therapy for this?

1:29:48 Caller Oh, yeah. I've been in therapy ever since I was seven.

1:29:51 Adam Really? Yeah, that's why you don't sound whacked out.

1:29:56 Caller Yeah.

1:29:56 Caller Your parents weren't aware of this?

1:30:07 Adam So your parents knew about it, but they found out what happened and they got you some help?

1:30:11 Caller Well, they're divorced.

1:30:12 Caller And so my dad didn't find out about it until I was at least 14 years old.

1:30:17 Adam Was this your mother's father?

1:30:21 Caller No, it was my mom's grandfather.

1:30:27 Adam Great grandfather? But in Mexico, and again, we can't we can't judge, but we can't judge. We just can't judge. It was his late thirties at the time, right?

1:30:39 Caller No.

1:30:41 Caller I believe he was about 60.

1:30:43 Caller About 60.

1:30:44 Drew Still a great grandfather.

1:30:45 Caller Still young for a great grandfather.

1:30:50 Adam Well, anyway, mom's side or dad's side? Mom's side.

1:30:55 Best Of All right.

1:30:55 Adam So I'm sure something heinous happened to her at some point, too. But yeah.

1:31:02 Best Of Yeah.

1:31:03 Caller She's she's a whack job.

1:31:05 Adam Yeah.

1:31:05 Drew Because of course.

1:31:07 Adam Right.

1:31:07 Drew Because she grew up.

1:31:08 Caller She wanted me to go to the AFI concert. So I mean, come on.

1:31:11 Adam Well, that's criminal now. Now she needs to be.

1:31:14 Drew Come on.

1:31:15 Adam Yeah. She needed counseling a few seconds ago. Now she needs to be put in a straight jacket and actually physically taken off the streets. OK, so Cynthia, this is a from your great grandfather. I don't know. Your great grandfather is like a historical. It's like Abe Lincoln molesting you or something. Historical figure molesting you. That's not as bad. I mean, well, it's not. I mean, look, here's the thing. If your dad, if your dad molest you, that's that's worse. I mean, that's the worst thing going to happen.

1:31:47 Drew Yes.

1:31:47 Adam And then grandpa's a good is bad, but not quite as bad as dad, right?

1:31:52 Drew Great grandfather is like neighbor.

1:31:54 Adam Great grandfather. Yeah. That starts to slide. It starts to slide out of the family at a certain point.

1:31:59 Caller Oh, old, old creepy neighbor.

1:32:01 Adam How effed up do you got to be to have a, I mean, as a great grandfather, have a go with your six or seven year old.

1:32:08 Caller Oh, what's going on there, Drew?

1:32:10 Drew To make people do that. Yeah. They were sexually abused themselves. It changes the wiring in the brain. It makes things attractive that shouldn't be.

1:32:17 Adam All right. Hey, but good times. Sexual and attractive. And again, again, whether it's a genital mutilation going on in the Middle East or parts of Africa or the rampant sexual molestations going on in the Mexican culture, we cannot judge. We can't judge. It's important not to judge. We cannot judge. Everything is the same.

1:32:41 Best Of It's all beautiful.

1:32:42 Drew It's all God's children.

1:32:43 Adam They're rice based cinnamon flavored beverages. Just as good, just as good as a Coke. We cannot judge. Middle East with their yogurt based beverages. Again, just as good as a Sprite. Cannot judge. We cannot. You understand? Everything's the same. Got it? Got it. Everything. We're going to take a quick break. AFI is here and we'll be right back.

1:33:11 Best Of Here's the deal. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person? One call is all you need to make.

1:33:17 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE. Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:46 Caller Bye Well, that's the show, but what a week we have playing, Drew. I mean, we got names like Pink, we got Jack Black, and Jimmy Kimmel. ACED coming in here.

1:33:55 Caller Who?

1:33:55 Drew Jimmy Kimmel.

1:33:56 Caller Who?

1:33:56 Drew Wilder Valmarama.

1:33:57 Adam No, Wilder Valmarama, I know.

1:33:59 Drew Kelly Osborne. The Kimmel guy, you don't know.

1:34:02 Adam Tony Hawk, I know.

1:34:03 Drew Kimmel.

1:34:04 Caller Puddles of mud is gonna be in there, or a puddle of mud.

1:34:08 Drew Trish Tristan.

1:34:09 Caller Yeah, 311. Yeah, I know a lot of these guys. Who was the first guy?

1:34:13 Drew The Kimmel, Jimmy Kimmel.

1:34:14 Adam I don't know, he's dead to me.

1:34:15 Drew Yeah, he's funny.

1:34:16 Caller He's dead to me. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo.

1:34:25 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, December 28, 2003