Episode 1000585969781

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Forget about the phone number. Why, Drew?

1:08 Drew Because we're not here.

1:09 Adam That's right.

1:10 Drew But we're here. You'll hear us sharing our love. Just us.

1:15 Adam And we're probably gonna be better than we would be if we were here.

1:19 Drew Oh, of course. Well, we'll be happier.

1:22 Adam Yeah, otherwise, it wouldn't be a best of show.

1:24 Drew Right, that's right.

1:25 Adam It'd just be sort of a of show.

1:27 Drew But of course, if we didn't have anything good.

1:29 Adam Right.

1:29 Drew It wouldn't really matter.

1:31 Adam We'd still put it up there anyway.

1:33 Drew Right.

1:33 Adam Yeah, but we, please, how dare you? I got good stuff. I don't know about you. All right. All right, let's get it started. What do you say, Drew? Let's go. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's hop to the phones and speak to Jenny, who's 21. Jenny. What's up?

1:59 Well, first of all, thank you guys for your show.

2:01 It's awesome. And you're a dick, but you're a charming dick.

2:04 So you see, it's good.

2:06 Adam That's what I tell everybody.

2:07 It's good on you.

2:08 Adam Thanks.

2:09 My question, if we possibly have time, but my first question is, I'm wondering if I'm like a spunted or like quasi bisexual because I'm first and foremost attracted to girls. I love women. You know, I totally love it. And like, I'll go down on the girl. I had this girlfriend that I would go down on. I really enjoyed, like, being with her, but I didn't like her to go down on me. And it wasn't that I want guys to go down on me, though. But I don't know what it was. Like, I could never really get off with her.

2:41 Adam Hmm. Well, hold on. I mean, you could never really get off with somebody. Drew, you got a fart or you got a question or you have to go to the bathroom? What are you doing?

2:50 Drew I think if I were to put my money down, I'd say peer genital contact, age six to ten in that range there. And sort of free-drag a little bit about that with other girls doing this. It's sort of a girl did it.

3:02 Adam She doesn't sound like a little girl.

3:04 Drew No, she's not arrested, but that thing got her.

3:08 Adam Anything like that happen, Jenny?

3:10 Drew No.

3:11 Well, I had like an abusive childhood, but...

3:13 Drew What happened?

3:15 Oh, my dad... I'm Asian, and I had the stereotypical like imperialistic, my little brother is whatever, but you know, I got beaten as a kid, but I don't talk to my dad.

3:24 Adam Your dad beat you?

3:26 Drew Yeah. Did you ever get any kind of... any sort of experimentation with people your own age, girls, particularly when you were young, real young?

3:34 No, not really.

3:35 Drew Not really?

3:37 No, not that I can remember. I just remember this being a recent thing because I've always been attracted to girls, but there's never been a girl where I was like, oh my God, I want to be with her. And I met this girl, but I've always been... whenever I've had a girl that was a best friend, I've always been really like against her boyfriends. Well, they were usually scum.

3:59 Adam All right.

4:00 Whatever.

4:00 Drew Well, listen, all guys are scum, yes.

4:03 Adam So listen, you're... you don't mind the girl going down on you.

4:09 I don't mind it, but it doesn't get me off.

4:11 Adam Right. But you prefer to go down on her. Also, is there a part... my thought was is if you enjoyed her going down on you, that would sort of officially make you a lesbian. Is there any thoughts of that?

4:23 Well, I didn't...

4:24 it was... I just didn't really... it was kind of like not...

4:28 it was kind of like...

4:30 Drew She doesn't carry a card. Not card carrying.

4:31 I don't want it.

4:32 You know?

4:32 Adam Okay.

4:33 Drew When you're with guys, do you need any fetish or S&M or anything?

4:37 Yeah, I like that.

4:38 Drew See, this is... this is the...

4:40 Adam she's...

4:40 Drew her wiring's all...

4:42 Adam Well, so...

4:43 How do I get reprogrammed then? Because I'm sure... I mean, yeah, you know, I like... I like the spanking and I like being like dominated and all that kind of thing.

4:50 Adam Because your dad beat on you.

4:51 That's it, you're mine!

4:54 Adam What did that mean, by the way? Did that mean anything?

4:56 I don't know. That sounded like a sound. It sounded like a karate movie.

4:59 Adam I'm sure it meant something. I'm sure it meant something very profound and Japanese. Okay, so here's the thing. A little therapy. Do they have therapists for Asians, Drew?

5:09 Drew Oh, of course.

5:10 Adam You never see that.

5:11 Drew Are you in college?

5:14 I'm in community college.

5:15 Adam Oh, no, but you're Asian. That's okay. I've declared it okay for Asians.

5:20 I'm taking art and business because I'm Asian.

5:23 Adam You people are smart. I don't worry about you people. Okay, so, therapy would be nice because your dad abused you on a traumatized day.

5:31 Drew Yeah, to kind of sort out some of these feelings and you may not be able to change the fetish and the need for high arousal in your sexual experience, but you may sort of sync up with some of these experiences a little bit more and be able to experience yourself more genuinely in relationships and open yourself to intimate contact, which really that kind of is what you're talking about with the girlfriends. Maybe you end up being lesbian, maybe not, I don't know.

5:51 Adam Here's the deal, everybody. If you come from a less than perfect background, especially if you're like a lot of our callers and listeners who are horribly abused, physically sexually abused, when you're 18, 19, somewhere between like 18 through 25, you're going to be spinning like a dreidel. And you pretty much string a bad relationships, maybe pick up some diseases, some unwanted pregnancies, substance abuse, fired from jobs, all that kind of stuff. Your job in that like five to eight year range is to get stable so you can then be a decent adult, be a decent father, mother, have relationships, have a life essentially. You're not doing anything between 18 and 25 in life. Somebody needs to explain that to people. And if you're screwed up, you should spend that time unscrewing yourself.

6:39 Drew Well, I talk about getting some structure, going to school, trying to improve yourself, that kind of thing.

6:42 Adam Yeah, all that stuff.

6:43 Drew That's really what you're supposed to be doing.

6:45 Adam Well, that's what you're supposed to be doing, but if you're like a lot of our callers, you need more than that. Yeah. I mean, you need some counseling, too, and a little soul-searching and that kind of stuff. A lot of long walks, listening to Yanni. You know what I mean? And then you can go on and have a normal life. Thank you. Jessica?

7:04 Is it my turn this time?

7:05 Adam You're 18.

7:06 Caller Yes, I am. Well, yeah. I don't know how to deal with this problem. I have a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, whom we've been going out for like five months.

7:14 Adam A lot of Lesbos tonight.

7:16 Drew Lesbian night. You're lesbian.

7:17 Adam We know.

7:18 Caller It's the Pride thing like what, this weekend in San Francisco.

7:21 Drew You're lesbian.

7:22 Adam Mm-hmm. Oh, it's gay pride?

7:23 Caller Yeah, San Francisco.

7:25 Adam We had the gay pride parade out here, I think, last weekend.

7:30 Caller Really?

7:30 Adam Yeah.

7:32 Caller Not really looking forward to it.

7:33 Drew I didn't hear about it. I wasn't much made of it this year.

7:35 Adam A lot of pride, a lot of unity, a lot of civic responsibility, a lot of guys and chaps being tugged by their partners with nipple chains.

7:44 Caller Guys, GIO is hoping for the hot chicks on the bike.

7:47 Adam Yeah, they don't really have enough of those, just guys acting out.

7:50 Caller You're a lesbian.

7:51 Adam Guys in their 40s acting out.

7:53 Caller It's great. Well, yeah, the thing is, I've been going out with my girlfriend for about five months, and in the beginning she was open with me, and she told me her father used to molest her like from age 12 to 15 where her parents divorced or something. And since then they have no contact. He says he doesn't.

8:11 Drew Oh, hold on a second.

8:13 Caller Hold on.

8:13 Drew I'm guessing that's why she's with me. What?

8:16 Caller I'm guessing that's why she's with me.

8:18 Drew Hold on a second here. We heard something else.

8:19 Adam I heard the smoke detector battery.

8:22 Drew Hold on a second. Just be quiet for a moment. How much time we got?

8:25 Adam We're going on about 25 seconds.

8:27 Caller All right.

8:28 Drew Just quiet.

8:30 Adam Usually goes about every 45, 40. That was kicks, Drew.

8:38 Caller That was what?

8:39 Adam Kicks.

8:39 Caller Kicks. Good.

8:41 Drew What's going on with that?

8:44 Adam Where's that smoke detector? Do you have a smoke detector?

8:48 Caller I took the battery out because we were cooking this.

8:50 Drew There it is. There it is. It just went again. How long was that?

8:53 Adam That was about 50 seconds.

8:55 Caller Oh, wait. There's one right there.

8:56 Drew Yeah. Okay. Well, what do you know? It's making noise and we hear it and you don't. How could that be?

9:01 Adam How many times have I said we have the world's dumbest callers? It's like, oh, smoke detector? No, I took the battery. Teak.

9:10 Caller Really?

9:11 Adam How high or stupid do you have to be? We're listening. We're on a phone, thousand miles away.

9:22 Drew It's all the time to listen to it again.

9:24 Caller Come on.

9:25 Drew We've got to prove it. We've got to hear it loud and clear.

9:26 Adam It's about 50 seconds.

9:28 Drew Yeah. We're at about 40 here right now. Forty right now. Jessica, Jessica, quiet for one second here, OK?

9:35 Caller What are we doing this time?

9:37 Drew Yeah.

9:38 Caller Oh, boy.

9:40 Drew Are you by it?

9:49 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

9:50 Drew That's it. Fifty-six.

9:51 Adam That's us. Fifty-six seconds. Keep the timer.

9:55 Drew So, this actually isn't your responsibility. This is your friend's bedroom?

9:58 Adam Yeah.

9:59 Drew Oh, that's nice.

10:00 Adam Yeah.

10:00 Drew Her bedroom.

10:02 Adam But Jessica was explaining that in her own home, she took the battery out. And by the way...

10:07 Drew You didn't change the battery. You just pulled it out.

10:09 Adam I'm all for it because this is our last shot at Darwinism in this country. It really is. I pulled the battery out, or I hit the thing with the mop, and the whole family goes up in flames two weeks later. And I hate to say Drew, but that's just... That's Darwinism. That's what we used to call Darwinism.

10:29 Drew That's what we'll call evolution.

10:30 Adam Evolution. Evolution. So, anyway, Jessica, is your girlfriend there?

10:37 Caller She's about 200 miles away.

10:40 Drew Whose room is this you're in?

10:41 Caller This is a high school friend.

10:43 Drew Hold on one second.

10:44 Adam Oh, wait a minute. My mistake.

10:46 Drew We missed it.

10:47 Caller You missed the beep.

10:49 Adam Oh, I hit the thing on the second it went.

10:53 Drew Darn. And where is she right now? Your high school friend.

10:58 Caller I asked her if I can be alone in the room.

10:59 Drew I see.

11:00 Adam All right. Do you realize that an iguana could probably not sleep in a room that had a smoke detector that went off every 55 seconds?

11:09 Drew That seemed a little quicker that time.

11:10 Adam That was quick. So Jessica, sorry for obsessing on it.

11:16 Caller Fascination with the tankers.

11:18 Adam So you got a girlfriend. She's been molested. She's a lesbian. She's crazy.

11:23 Drew What's the question?

11:24 Adam Yeah, she is. She's troubled.

11:26 Caller Well, anyway, the thing is, in the beginning, she tells me that the reason she's not with guys is because she has flashbacks of her dad molesting her.

11:34 Drew That's fair enough.

11:35 Caller So we're together, and I think out of the five months that we've been together, we've been together for like a month actually in person. And the sex is great. Up until two weeks ago, she tells me she wants to cut off no sexual things. I'm just like, great. And she goes, like, after we make love, she has flashbacks of her.

11:55 Drew Well, she's a very seriously disturbed person who needs help. This is post-traumatic stress disorder from serious trauma.

12:01 Adam Yes. She's about eight years, maybe 14 years of therapy.

12:06 Drew She needs some real serious work.

12:08 Adam Constant therapy. Yeah.

12:10 Drew You got to get her in with someone who's used to dealing with trauma survivorship. Read my book, Cracked, coming out in August, where it's all about this. That's what I wrote about.

12:18 Adam Really? Yeah.

12:19 Drew Dealing with trauma survivors.

12:20 Adam Read my pamphlet, How to Change a Goddamn Nine Volt Battery. That's drives me insane, Drew. I can't imagine. Drew, really, where? You know, I have this sort of attention deficit problem or this hypervigilance or whatever you want to call it. The notion, the notion that you- Wait a minute. Second lane again. The notion that you could sleep in a room as many of our callers do with this thing chirping between every 35 and 50 seconds for weeks. If I was in a coma, Drew, if I was just in a full- By the way, if something happens to me, I get in a car accident or something, I go into a coma, put one of these things in with the low battery. I guarantee day number three, I stand up, I grab a mop, I bust it, I lie back down, I go back into the coma. That's what I do.

13:17 Drew Yeah, I can see that.

13:18 Adam All right. It just, it boggles my mind. And I always like the part where they're not sure what we're talking about either. Yeah. They go, smoke detector, it's going off above your head, huh?

13:31 Drew But how weird is that we hear it a thousand miles away across a crappy extended phone line?

13:35 Adam They usually argue with us too, huh? No.

13:38 What are you talking about?

13:39 Adam But it was funny, we got some insight to Jessica too, because she pulled her battery out at home. Kathy? What's up?

13:47 Best Of Not bad.

13:48 Adam I just realized that these things are going to have to be hardwired. The ones where you put the 9-volt in, unless it's some sort of Millennium Crystal, some sort of thing that powered the Star Trek mobile, it's no good. If you have to change it once every three years, it's impossible. Go ahead, Kathy.

14:05 Best Of Okay, before I ask my question, I just have to say I love Adam.

14:08 Adam Yeah.

14:10 Best Of I've got to find a guy just like you.

14:11 Adam Oh boy.

14:12 Best Of Why?

14:13 Adam Thanks, baby doll.

14:15 Best Of My question is, I was just put on prescribed lithium today. I got that off the pharmacy. They didn't have any.

14:20 Drew Hear that pressured speech? You get that?

14:25 Best Of My question is, they gave me an option of another drug. They said Wellbutrin wasn't going to work for me.

14:29 Drew No. Wellbutrin will speed you up even more.

14:32 Best Of Yeah, and I'm already just...

14:34 Drew Yes, we can hear it.

14:36 Best Of Anyways, the doctor said he could put me on Depakote, but then he said there was a side effect of weight gain.

14:41 Drew Yeah.

14:41 Best Of And I've had a history of eating disorders, so I flat out told him. And he knows that, too. I've actually been hospitalized for it years ago.

14:48 Drew Well, there are multiple choices. There's sort of the beginning places, Depakote and sometimes lithium. And then there's, again, there's a number of, I believe, Topamax now and...

14:58 Best Of And I told him, you know, I told him exactly why I didn't want to go on the Depakote. I said, listen, we're going to have problems. I'm going to end up starting the drug. The first time I gain weight, I'm going to start throwing my food up again. And then I'm going to quit taking the drug. And then we're going to be back to square one, and it's going to be even worse.

15:10 Drew That's right. And so we sometimes start people on lithium to prevent some of that stuff.

15:14 Best Of So it is okay to go ahead and take the lithium then. I've just heard so many different stories about it that.

15:20 Drew What have you heard?

15:21 Best Of I don't know. I mean, I guess, you know, even when I was in outpatient or do an inpatient for the eating disorder, there was a girl who was on lithium and I always thought she was crazy because she took lithium.

15:32 Adam Boy, baby.

15:32 Best Of But I just. That's a pot calling the kettle black.

15:36 Adam You got to take a chill pill. Forget about the lithium.

15:39 Drew That's her chill pill.

15:40 Adam Oh, I see.

15:42 Drew I had some really good results recently with trileptal. Chill pill. You might want to talk to your doctor about trileptal. Ask about that, okay?

15:48 Adam Trileptal.

15:49 Drew But lithium is great. It's fine. Sometimes there can be some transient kidney dysfunction and it can be pretty serious. You got to get your kidneys checked in a few days.

15:57 Best Of That's what I was concerned about because I do take Avanax too because I have multiple sclerosis.

16:02 Drew Wow.

16:02 Best Of And they have to check my liver. You know, they check everything on a regular basis like every three to six months because it's an interferon beta 1A.

16:10 Adam What do you do, Kathy?

16:14 Best Of I'm an assistant manager of a lingerie store.

16:17 Adam Really? With the MS, huh? Yeah.

16:20 Best Of I refuse to go get on disability. I'm not crippled or anything.

16:24 Drew You would know she has it, probably.

16:25 Adam I wouldn't know it?

16:26 Best Of No. You would never know. I mean, I have symptoms. You just don't see them.

16:30 Adam What kind of guys you get in that lingerie store? Mostly guys or girls?

16:34 Best Of The trouble.

16:37 Drew You know, around Valentine's Day, I went and bought my wife some stuff at a Victoria's Secret. It's weird to be a guy and actually purchase things. The girls that work in there are just into this. It's like they're basking.

16:50 Adam I don't think I could handle that.

16:51 Drew You got to go do it. It's a weird, unsettling experience.

16:54 Best Of Yeah, and I do not work for Victoria's Secret.

16:56 Adam But what do you guys sell? You sell the same kind of stuff or do you guys get a little naughtier?

17:01 Best Of A little racier. We're a national chain.

17:05 Adam What's moving right now?

17:07 Best Of That was when my cat's jumping in his cradle.

17:09 Adam No, no, no, no. I mean product wise. My hearing's not that good. I heard the cat roll over in the pillow.

17:17 Best Of Right now it's all the brides coming in wanting corsets to pin under their dresses so they can suck everything in.

17:22 Adam Oh, they want corsets?

17:23 Best Of Yeah.

17:24 Adam Oh, corsets are back.

17:26 Best Of Yeah, and of course they have crotchless panties for the honeymoon night.

17:29 Drew Of course, yes, of course.

17:30 Adam Crotchless panties. Just lose it.

17:35 Drew Why? But why have those?

17:38 Adam No. Look.

17:39 Drew Panties on or off? They're on, they're on. They're off, they're off. Why both on and off?

17:44 Adam Yeah, it's nice to see a woman in a sexy pair of panties and it's nice to watch her peel them off. But to have them sort of stay on while you're going to work, it's real. You might as well just have her put a vest on while you're nailing her, too. But it was like an orange Caltrans vest on when I have sex with her. No, I'm not into that. The other thing I don't understand is the code zone. I don't understand the edible stuff like the edible panties.

18:09 Drew Why? Another one. Why?

18:10 Adam Like you've got something that tastes like the world's. It's a combination between fruit roll up and ass. You're going to nosh down on this when you're trying to keep a boner. No.

18:22 Drew Yep.

18:23 Adam What do you mean and licorice?

18:26 Drew They look like they're licorice kind of. No, I think the fruit roll up covered them. The red licorice.

18:32 Adam The fruit roll up.

18:33 Drew Got it.

18:33 Adam That's why everyone thinks I'm a dick. Are you ready to go?

18:39 Drew Yeah.

18:39 Adam What are we talking about?

18:40 Drew Lithium, whether or not it's right. Lithium is fine. Make sure you're monitored carefully. The Avinax won't make a big difference with it that I'm aware of. Depakote is really considered the first line with bipolarity, which is why you're hypomanic. That's why you're all sped up.

18:52 Adam Yeah.

18:53 Drew And I would write down cathetrileptal, T-R-I-L-E-P-T-A. Yeah, a lot of psychiatrists think that's a good one right now for bipolar.

19:00 Adam And chill pill. Misty?

19:02 Caller Yes.

19:02 Adam You're 23?

19:03 Drew Chill pill.

19:04 Adam What's up?

19:06 Caller Six months ago, I had my first child and me and my fiance, I just don't get horny very much.

19:15 Drew That really happens a lot after having a child, particularly that first year.

19:19 Adam You got to take a chill pill.

19:20 Drew Actually going on the birth control pill sometimes turns it back on. Chill pill. And that's the one that usually works, but for some women that one doesn't, so you have to go back to your doctor and see if there's something else they can try.

19:31 Caller Okay.

19:32 Drew And maybe shutting you down too. I mean, did you go on it to try to get your libido back?

19:36 Caller Yeah.

19:37 Drew Yeah, well, if it's not working, it's not working. You should be aware pretty quickly. Are you on any other medication?

19:42 I'm on Prozac because I had KB blues pretty bad.

19:45 Drew Well, but that's why you have no libido. Prozac will shut you down completely. In fact, Prozac makes sex seem like, like, weird, like, why do people do that? Like, ooh, what? Yeah.

19:55 Adam Like living in Utah.

19:56 Drew Yeah. So that's, it's the Prozac. And now don't immediately stop your Prozac because obviously, as you've said, the, the, the baby blues post, postpartum depression can be very, very serious, but you might want to talk to your doctor about an antidepressant that doesn't scrub your libido, like Sarazone or Welbutrin or Remeron. Chill pill.

20:15 Adam You're, you're calling from Palm Springs.

20:17 Caller Yeah.

20:18 Adam It's, it's going to be getting up, getting up about 122 degrees there in the next four or five weeks. Right?

20:25 Caller Yeah.

20:26 Adam Don't you want to kill yourself? What, what do you do? What do you do for the summer in Palm Springs, just sit in a tub full of ice with a fan blowing on you?

20:35 You pretty much sit under an air conditioner.

20:38 Adam I would kill myself.

20:40 It's pretty awful.

20:41 Adam All right, baby doll. Good times. You know, it's a horrible combination, Drew, which I had going for many years of my life. Poor and hot. That's bad. Because there's certain things. Poor and everything sucks.

20:55 Drew Poor and cold. You never had to deal with that.

20:57 Adam Poor and cold is bad. But I'll tell you, I'll tell you what I'm talking about. Poor and hot, I think, I'm sure poor and everything sucks, but poor and Luke sucks. But poor and hot sucks because you never have, you don't have a place to park your car. That's the first thing. You live in crappy apartments. You park on the street.

21:17 Drew So you're walking in the heat.

21:19 Adam And your car is always in the oven. The car is always baking. The car is always in the oven. You don't work in any place that has covered parking, a parking structure, garages, anything like that. Your car is always, so it's always, the car is 135 degrees when it should have been sitting out in the valley all day long where you're at work kind of thing or in the morning or whatever. And then the car is missing the air conditioning. Then it becomes brutal. Now you want to kill yourself. And then you live in places that don't have air conditioning and you have jobs where you're sort of, there's no air conditioning.

21:52 Drew In your case, you live with multiple people in a room facing the sun.

21:56 Adam On the sun.

21:56 Drew Yeah, on the surface of the sun. That's good.

21:58 Adam Yes, yes. Facing the west, upstairs, no air conditioning, multiple people.

22:03 Caller Yeah.

22:03 Adam And me just with bullets dripping down my forehead all summer long, climbing into my hot car.

22:09 Drew Chill pill.

22:10 Adam Sleeping on a futon with the one guy I know who never gets hot, which made me want to kill him. The only thing worse than being hot is being next to someone who's going, no, I'm fine. And you're going, aren't you burning up? This is miserable. And they're going, no, I don't mind that.

22:24 Drew It's feral children.

22:26 Adam You just, you go up 10 degrees. Now I'm hot and I'm angry now, I'm agitated. My buddy Don will never get hot. He's walking around.

22:35 Drew How do you stay your friend?

22:37 Adam It wasn't easy. The summers were difficult. All right, we got to take a break. When we come back, we're going to speak to Meredith, just because her name is Meredith, after this.

22:52 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's most trusted condom for over 80 years.

23:04 Adam Hey everybody, Loveline. Number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1.

23:13 Drew Scott?

23:14 Adam You're 29?

23:15 Caller Yeah.

23:16 Adam What's up?

23:18 Caller Well, this question's for Dr. Drew. I need some help. Mm-hmm.

23:24 Drew Bogus.

23:25 Caller My girlfriend's here, and...

23:29 Drew I got bogus over here.

23:30 Adam The only thing that saves him is he has some sort of ethnicity that doesn't normally do bogus calls.

23:36 Caller Oh, no, it's not bogus. She's right here.

23:39 Adam I need some explanation for her.

23:40 Drew Why don't you put her on? Let her tell us.

23:42 Caller She's right here. We're on speakerphone.

23:45 Adam What's your ethnicity?

23:47 Caller Hispanic.

23:48 Adam All right. See? Non-bogus.

23:49 Drew You're right.

23:50 Adam Non-bogus ethnicity.

23:51 Drew I haven't heard your girlfriend ring in yet.

23:55 I'm here.

23:57 Adam What's the problem? Well, you pick up the phone. We don't need her listening. Thank you.

24:06 Okay.

24:07 Adam Okay. So now what's the problem, Scott?

24:09 Caller Well, a couple of nights ago, I had gone down on her and she came like really hard and she thought she peed on me. I told her that there was two types. I heard Dr. Drew talking about it, that there's two types of orgasm from a woman.

24:26 Adam That's right.

24:27 Caller She doesn't believe me.

24:30 Drew Well, now put the speaker back. Was she listening on the radio or is she going to listen on the speaker?

24:34 Adam Tell her to go in the other room and listen on the radio. But don't make it too loud.

24:39 Caller He wants you to go into the other room and listen on the radio.

24:41 Adam I've found from my experience with the women I've been in, they've had two types as well. No orgasm and no orgasm. Nearly no orgasm.

24:51 Drew No orgasm.

24:52 Adam Those are my two types.

24:53 Drew I think Scott, what you're referring to is two kinds of fluids can come out of a woman during an orgasm. And one is P. There's female orgasmic incontinence and one is female ejaculate, female ejaculation. We kind of think from our little non-scientific studies we do here that most of it is not P. Most of it is the ejaculate.

25:15 Adam Seems to be going that way, lately especially, last couple of years. So that's what it is. Now, you can obviously do your own tests, I mean if it smells like urine it may be urine or if it kills the fern plant that's outside of my den window.

25:32 Drew Or eat some asparagus or you know.

25:34 Adam Eat some asparagus. Believe me, eat some asparagus. Then give her the orgasm. Oh yeah, definitely.

25:42 Drew And I think.

25:42 Adam Save a stock of that asparagus for her ass.

25:44 Drew It's interesting.

25:46 Adam Thank you, Drew.

25:46 Drew It's interesting, Scott, how women are sort of ashamed about this, they don't understand that it's a very common thing and that guys not only don't mind it, they're kind of into it. It's like, hey, look what I did.

25:54 Adam Yeah. For a while. For a while. And not when they're going down on them quite as much.

26:00 Drew No. Not quite.

26:02 Adam Yeah. But.

26:04 Drew Just be able to, guys like to produce.

26:08 Adam Yeah. I guess. And it's tough on women too, because when they go down on a guy, they have some fluid to deal with as well. But I think it's the difference, Drew, between taking a swig of the bad milk and which is what the woman essentially does when she performs oral on the guy or being the person standing in front of that person when the person that spits it out. I don't know which one you'd rather be.

26:32 Drew I'd rather be the one spit on, thank you.

26:34 Adam You would? You wouldn't take the swig?

26:36 Drew No.

26:36 Adam Come on, take a swig, buddy.

26:37 Drew No.

26:39 Adam Kathy?

26:43 Yeah.

26:44 Adam You're 17, what's up?

26:45 Caller No, I'm 19, but anyway.

26:47 Adam Yeah, you are 19.

26:50 Caller I was on orthotricipine for about a year, and I just switched ortho nobium on Sunday. I had my period last week, and so I started first-fill.

27:01 Drew Why'd you switch?

27:03 Caller I was having a lot of, like, ventral cramping that started when I first filled. All right. And so they said that switching to ortho nobium would help hopefully clear that up. But they said that I was supposed to use a condom for the first week that I was on ortho nobium.

27:21 Adam I think it's Novum, isn't it?

27:22 Caller I can't remember. It starts with an N.

27:26 Adam Hold on. Her phone screeners. No horrible phone lines. I think she's on her cell phone, but it's just horrible.

27:34 Drew She didn't ask her question yet, though.

27:35 Adam I don't care. It's hurting my teeth.

27:36 Drew I think the deal is she's going to say the condom broke.

27:39 Adam She wants to know if she has to use it. Kathy? Well, that's better. So they say to use a condom for the first week after you switch.

27:49 Drew First week or first month?

27:50 Caller First week.

27:51 Adam All right. And the question is?

27:53 Caller And so last night I was having sex with my boyfriend and the condom broke.

27:58 Adam Oh, you son of a bitch, Drew. It says condom broke on the screen.

28:03 Drew Of course, Adam.

28:05 Adam Well, I'm a purist. I don't read the screen.

28:07 Drew I know that.

28:08 Adam All right.

28:08 Caller So I was wondering if I should get the 72-hour pill or if I should wait to get tested or do you know what would be the safest thing to do?

28:16 Drew The safest thing to do. That is an interesting question.

28:21 Adam Well, that's take the morning after. That's the safest thing.

28:24 Drew That is the safest thing to do. But boy, you're going to get sick.

28:28 Adam Why? Because she's on the ortho album.

28:31 Drew Make sure you take the Plan B. Let's put it that way. Take Plan B as opposed to the Prevent, which is Plan B is all leaving a gestural, which is the progesterone. And that's the one that doesn't make you sick usually.

28:42 Adam Why don't they just give that one out?

28:44 Drew They do.

28:45 Adam I know, but why do they have the one that gets you sick? Oh, two different companies. Manufacturing. Victoria?

28:52 Best Of Hello?

28:52 Adam You're 18?

28:54 Caller What's up?

28:57 Best Of Um, boyfriend for about three months now, and he actually just currently broke up with me. He's actually kind of hard, but I don't know what it's because I really liked him or if I like this, like this set because he has like an extremely large penis.

29:16 Adam You like that large penis?

29:17 Best Of Yeah, but it's just different than what I'm used to. So I don't, I don't know if that's like, I don't want to like affect me for the rest of my life, kind of, you know, so I understand people. Well, I don't want it like I'm scared. I'm going to compare it to like if I have sex with another guy, if I'm going to compare it, him to even spoiled, it's been too good.

29:37 Yeah.

29:37 Best Of So I don't know if I'm going to be a sexist in my life.

29:39 And I'm scared that I won't have like the like orgasms during sex now because I'm used to the size of his penis.

29:47 Adam Well, how big was his penis?

29:49 Best Of Like probably like seven, eight inches.

29:51 Adam Yeah.

29:52 I am the big boy.

29:53 Adam Yeah. Well, a couple of things. A, you may find a guy with a big penis.

29:57 Caller I guess I'm going to have to find one, huh?

29:59 Adam Well, you may.

30:01 Drew Or you may not need it so much.

30:02 Adam Number two, if you're having orgasms at 18, it's probably not the size of his penis. God, I pray it's not the size of his penis.

30:10 Drew Right.

30:11 Adam That's giving you the orgasms. I mean, you're just, you know, you're good to go.

30:15 Drew You're just having them.

30:16 Adam Right. Any guy who does a good job on you, who you're attracted to, is going to give you an orgasm. Yes. All right. But you just feel bad because this guy dumped you. Well, when somebody dumps you, you start painting all these crazy scenarios about never finding this and never having that again. It's all nonsense.

30:40 Drew Why is it pathetic? What's pathetic?

30:42 Best Of Well, I don't know. I just I've had issues with like I'm not a sexually active person. This is like the second person I've had sex with. And the one before was actually my boyfriend of like a long like three years who I lost my virginity to. And I've never like my second sex with somebody before. And so it was kind of I'm kind of really attached to him.

31:06 Adam Yeah.

31:06 Best Of And I don't know really how to take it.

31:09 Adam Well, why did he dump you?

31:11 Best Of I don't you know, I don't really know.

31:13 I don't I because I think that he's ready for the relationship that we had.

31:17 Best Of I was I mean, I'm a fairly good girlfriend, you know, that you're a little clingy. I guess I am.

31:23 Adam He's got a he's got a big dork.

31:25 Best Of I like what?

31:26 Adam He's got a big penis, you know.

31:30 Best Of But I I mean, I let him do what he had to do. Like, you know, my friends all the time.

31:35 Caller I just I don't know. I just OK.

31:37 Adam OK, like Victoria, you're going a mile a minute.

31:40 Drew But she's not crazy.

31:41 Adam No, you're fine. You're fine. Just relax.

31:46 Drew Yeah, you'll freak out. You'll find somebody.

31:48 Adam That big penis scrambled your brain. You're going to relax. You masturbate feverishly. You do that vengeance one, too, you know. You pay him back by diddling yourself feverishly. And then you just relax. Enjoy your friends for a little bit.

32:06 Drew You in school now? College?

32:07 Caller Yeah, yeah.

32:08 Adam Yeah, you're smart.

32:09 Drew Where in college?

32:10 Best Of I'm going to the U-Dub.

32:11 Drew University of Washington.

32:13 Caller Yeah.

32:13 Adam Yeah, you're fine. You're a smart girl.

32:15 Drew U-Dub.

32:16 Adam You're good. Don't worry about any of these things. It's all going to pass.

32:21 Best Of I hope so.

32:21 Adam No, I mean life. Yeah, we'll all be in the ground soon.

32:25 Best Of Life is fast already, you know.

32:26 Adam It's moving. It's moving fast. You hang out with your friends. You got good friends?

32:29 Best Of No, not really.

32:31 Adam Great, that's all you need. Did she say no?

32:35 Drew Yeah.

32:37 Adam Geez, I was really heading in the direction there with the friends.

32:39 Drew Well, she knows she's got them.

32:41 Adam Yeah. Everyone, everybody's got to get good friends. That's all you got. Here's all you got. Here's all you got in life. That's all you got, Drew. All you got is your family, your mommy, dad, sisters, brothers. And then if you have kids and a wife and then, you know, boss, employees, aunts, uncles, things like that. Second in their family, you know, second, you know, second cousins, stuff like that. You're more distant relatives.

33:03 Drew And your friends.

33:04 Adam And then, well, now hold on.

33:05 Drew Neighbors.

33:06 Adam Neighbors. And then people, people you work with. Co-workers.

33:08 Drew Co-workers, co-workers.

33:09 Adam Co-workers. Co-workers. Co-workers.

33:10 Caller Co-workers. Co-workers.

33:10 Adam Co-workers.

33:11 Caller Co-workers.

33:11 Drew Co-workers.

33:11 Adam Co-workers.

33:11 Caller Co-workers.

33:12 Adam Co-workers.

33:12 Caller Co-workers. Co-workers.

33:13 Adam Co-workers. Co-workers. I mean, you know, the guy at the croft shop, the guy at the market, you know, him working at the deli counter, and your friends. That's all you got. That's all you got is those people that I mentioned in front of the friends and your friends.

33:30 Drew And then the people you meet every day.

33:31 Adam That's it. And I guess yourself. I guess you have to count yourself. Okay. And the Gas Man, Sparklet's guy, whoever comes over to the house.

33:41 Drew Gardner Painter, yeah.

33:42 Adam And then there's pets. I guess there's pets.

33:44 Drew The guy that takes care of the pets.

33:46 Adam It was a guy that probably takes care of the pets.

33:47 Drew Well, the vet and the...

33:49 Adam Vet, guys like that. And then ancillary stuff. Gardner, Poolman, that kind of stuff.

33:52 Drew And your doctor and your dentist.

33:54 Adam Yeah, and dentists, professionals. And attorneys, stuff like that. If you work in the business like us, you might have an agent or manager.

34:01 Drew Engineers.

34:01 Adam Things like that.

34:03 Drew And your friends.

34:04 Adam Those people and your friends. That's it. That's it, unless you're in anything exotic like snakes or parrots.

34:16 Drew Travel.

34:17 Adam We travel. But again, there's the people on the plane, the people at the hotel, and then of course people in the country, indigenous people.

34:25 Drew And you're going to visit.

34:26 Adam And your friends. That's it. That's all you got. That's all you got. Unless, you know, you're a religious person. In which case, you know, there's deities and things like that. People that look over you. God, Jesus, Jehovah, that sort of thing. And relationship with him. That kind of thing. And your friends. That's all you got, Sarah. Am I right? Those people. Those 34, 35,000 people I just mentioned. And your friends.

34:58 Drew That's it.

34:59 Adam That's all you got. You understand? And me and Drew. And that's it.

35:05 Drew And any new endeavors you might be involved in.

35:07 Adam And we got to include you now in our group. Alright, so what's your question?

35:11 Best Of A year ago, during the summertime, I invited two friends over and we got really drunk. And from what another friend told me, I ended up having sex with my other friend.

35:21 Drew And you have no recollection of that?

35:23 Best Of No, not at all. I was really, really shocked when I found out.

35:26 Adam These are girls? Both of them girls? Both girls?

35:30 Best Of Yeah, but I was only with one of them.

35:32 Adam Okay, but that's all you got? And then the other one?

35:36 Best Of And your friends? I just wanted to know if that's a really unusual thing, because I've heard people say, well yeah, you experiment in college and stuff, but I was only 16.

35:47 Adam Listen, girls get really loaded. They really become fluid and they can do whatever they want.

35:56 Drew I wonder if you actually did do something on whether or not your friends are just kind of goofing on you.

36:00 Best Of My best friend that told me about it, she said that she sort of witnessed it and kind of passed out.

36:04 Drew But you seem to have no impulse in that direction at all though.

36:07 Best Of Yeah, I really don't. That's why I was sort of shocked about it. And then I also want to know if, because she's had sex with other people before, I want to know if like a year later symptoms can pop up of an STD or something. I got really freaked out.

36:19 Adam You're fine.

36:19 Drew From somebody giving you oral sex?

36:21 Best Of No, no. She didn't give me oral sex. Like we had sex like if we were male and female.

36:28 Drew How did you do that?

36:29 Best Of Like, I don't know.

36:30 Caller Like we were both...

36:31 Adam Use your brain.

36:32 Best Of Yeah, yeah.

36:33 Caller No, no, no.

36:33 Best Of But I'm saying like, because like a month ago, I got sort of like a bump down there and I...

36:38 Adam Hold on a second. Let me talk real quick. There are two girls.

36:43 Drew You know, and they had sex like they were male and female.

36:45 Adam Drew said from oral sex and she corrected Drew and said, no, no, we did it like male and female. What? Now, there's a couple of couple of things that could be here. You could go strap on.

36:58 Drew Yeah.

37:00 Adam You could go non strap on, but just sort of sort of hand tool. Something. Fireplace poker, banana flashlight, something. Or there could be a crotch to crotch kind of thing. Yeah, but what do you think? Which one are you going?

37:16 Drew None of that seems like a sort of drunken groping.

37:20 Adam I'm going to cry. Oh, Brian brings up the fist. That's a good point. Sarah?

37:26 Best Of Yeah, I'm thinking it's the ladder. I just go I'm going from what my friend told me, but I just want to see.

37:31 Adam She brought up. She brought up the fist.

37:33 Best Of No, no, no, no, no, no.

37:35 Adam Just put a ladder in you. You said?

37:37 Best Of No, the crotch to crotch thing.

37:38 Adam Crotch to crotch.

37:39 Best Of Yeah. I just want to know if she's had sex with other people. I want to know if I could have possibly caught something.

37:43 Adam Never listen to anybody except for my friends. And then.

37:47 Drew Yeah, I mean, it's possible, but you would have had symptoms.

37:50 Best Of Yeah.

37:50 Drew But I still have trouble believing.

37:52 Adam The crotch to crotch thing is hot.

37:53 Drew But I guess. You think they do that in their 16? They're not.

37:57 Best Of You would have saw something by now.

37:58 Drew 16 and they're not into being lesbian really. And what the hell? And they're loaded and groping around.

38:04 Adam Are you cute, Sarah?

38:06 Best Of Um, I guess.

38:08 Adam And what about her?

38:10 Best Of Um, yeah. She's my friend. I don't really look at her like that.

38:14 Adam No, I know. It's embarrassing.

38:15 Best Of I just wanted to know if that was really weird or if I could have caught something.

38:17 Adam You went crotch to crotch with her, right?

38:19 Best Of Yeah.

38:20 Adam I know you don't really don't look. She doesn't want to comment on what she looks like.

38:23 Drew You woke up with what?

38:24 Best Of I woke up with, like, different underwear on.

38:27 Adam Wow.

38:28 Best Of Yeah.

38:29 Adam So, Drew, quiet down. What's your question, Drew?

38:32 Drew This just doesn't fit for me.

38:33 Adam Why? You think it's bogus?

38:36 Drew No, it's not bogus. I just think the friend might be kind of goofing on her a little bit.

38:41 Adam She would remember if she did nothing. She might have had something, but she might have had some recollection of this, right, Sarah?

38:47 Best Of Well, like, yeah, leading up to it and stuff, but the actual deed, no, I don't, but I mean...

38:52 Drew See, I can believe there was some groping and that kind of thing, and then a friend kind of freaked out.

38:57 Adam Their friend is her best friend. She's telling her straight up. Girls don't goof as much as guys do. Guys would be like, dude, you blew him. You blew him, totally. It would be like, what do you mean? We were wrestling, and then I went upstairs. No, dude. You blew him first. Stu, am I right? Oh, yeah. That's what guys would do. Girls don't really have so much of that. They want crotch crotch, Drew.

39:21 Best Of All right.

39:22 Adam We'll be back.

39:39 Hey, this is Dan from Tonic for Rad, Recording Artists Against Drunk Driving, reminding you that drunk drivers are still the number one killer of young adults in this country. Please use your head and save your life and those on the road. Always choose a designated driver. Remember, music lives, you should too.

40:06 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam, that's Dr. Drew. I forget about that phone number.

40:12 Drew I just corrected Tarot Uncle Muhtar, god damn it, it's Snowbill cyst.

40:17 Adam What happened? Popped it.

40:20 Drew What does it do to yours?

40:21 Adam That's what you had in your hand.

40:22 Drew No, no. We had a different thing. We thought you had that.

40:24 Adam Yeah, everybody thought I had something that was what they wanted me to have, but it turned to be something much worse. Yeah. You tried to stab it with a syringe, remember?

40:34 Drew Pull out the pus out.

40:36 Adam The hand's still weird. It's tingly. No, I don't want to show you anything because you touch everything. You poke. No. You poke where it hurts. I don't want to show you. I had surgery on my palm and my wrist three years ago. It's weird. It's dead. There's dead spots in it and it didn't work out. I mean, it worked out. So I had the point that Dr. Marcel said there was some nerve, whatever, whatever, they could fix it or something as a second surgery or something, but the point is worse than pain, it's asleep. If you put your finger on it, it feels like a dead spot and it's an eerie feeling. I don't like it. So I'm not going to let you poke at it, but if you want to look, you can look at it. Don't touch.

41:25 Drew It looks good.

41:27 Adam Yeah, it looks good. It's still dented in a little bit there. Thank God they got my underpants away from me though, huh? Otherwise, they would have caught on fire.

41:36 Caller That's what I love.

41:38 Adam I was like, you give me one good goddamn reason why you need my underpants to perform hand surgery on me. And they're like, certain underpants are made of a cotton lycra mesh that could actually ignite during surgery. I'm like, how high are you, please? I told them, please give me the thing that I have to sign. I will sign the underpants. You know what? If I wake up and my balls are going up like a Roman candle, I will have signed that piece of paper and you'll be completely, you'll escape litigation. They don't have that paper. Now, let me say this. Hold on. I'm getting fired up for a second here, Drew. This country is destroyed now. It's destroyed by the attorneys.

42:21 Caller Yes.

42:22 Adam Everything is everything. If there's a one-tenth of one percent chance of anything happening, then it can't be done. You can't do this. You can't do that. You can't bring, no, you can't walk outside somewhere holding a cup. You know what I mean?

42:35 Drew It's a slippery slope, Adam.

42:38 Adam Slippery slope. My balls drive me nuts. It's like we have a man show rap party a few years ago. I want to go step outside and smoke a cigarette. I got a drink in my hand. It's like you can't step out. It's like, listen, I'm a hundred feet from the street. I'm just going to stand here by the, you got to put the drink. You know, I got to go get the drink and go set it back inside on the ground and then come out like I'm a 10 year old. I can't stand all this stuff. And here's what I'm saying. Just start producing. You know, you got all those pieces of paper that everyone has to sign that gets everyone off the hook if there's anything to go wrong. Give me the piece of paper that lets me keep my underpants on and carry my drink around. You know what I mean? Let me sign a waiver.

43:16 Drew Unfortunately, it's so bad you can't waivers don't stand up.

43:20 Adam I know.

43:20 Drew It's just horrible.

43:21 Adam You know what I want? Here's what I want in life. I want to I want some general piece of paper that I can sign that says, listen, unless I'm standing in line at your amusement park and you act, I get hit with a crossbow through the neck, I'm not suing you, I'm not suing anything. Let me sign the general paper and then let me go about my god damn life to take a responsibility for everything that happens in my life.

43:46 Drew I got my neighbor's hillside fell in my backyard, I cleaned it up myself in my apartment.

43:50 Adam I'm not going to blame him. You have a good, healthy, low self-esteem, Drew, and that's why we've lasted. Well, let me give you an example. Jimmy signed me up for the wine of the month club, right?

44:02 Drew Yeah.

44:02 Adam Because that's all I need, more free booze, right? He got me a nice gift for my birthday and he signs me up. Well, he asked me, him and my partner, Dan, I said, what do you want? I said, I like those of the month clubs where you get the coffee, you get the red wine, you get the beer, you get the different thing every month. So they signed me up and I come home one day and you get that little tag from UPS, hey, sorry, we missed you. Well, they missed you because they came by 1 30 on a Tuesday. And of course you were at work. And then the next day you show up again and it's like, hey, sorry, we missed you again. It's like, hey, listen, you can't figure out that I made that human beings may work during the day. You keep coming by at noon on a Monday and a Tuesday, I'm not going to be around. Then the third one is, hey, now you got to come pick it up. Usually they drop stuff off, but they can't drop off booze. They can't drop off a nice bottle of red wine that's totally packaged and sealed up. The reason why they can't do it is there's some liability, right? Some some the neighbor kid, the 11 year old neighbor kid is going to hop the fence, open my package, drink my Chardonnay, and then go stab his sister and me and UPS are going to be liable. That's what's killing this country. I got to then, like a retarded four year old, go down to UPS and get my booze because they're going to get sued if they drop something off of the four percent alcohol in my yard on my property. And meanwhile, they drop everything else off. I could order, give me a battle axe, 10 gallons of kerosene and 70 stump midget porn rectal foot fetish films. And they drop that off. No problem. But this thing's four percent alcohol. Oh no. And we're slowly being destroyed. I got wine of the month. That's great. I get to go down and get it. Why don't you just leave it at the goddamn liquor store? What use is it? Like what use is being anything of the month if you got to hold your ass down and go get it? Let's call a goddamn liquor store. It's on the corner. I'll go get it myself. I know there's some faggony lawyer that's behind this whole thing. Yeah, because one time they dropped something off and somebody got drunk and then somebody sued and then everybody was screwed. I can't stand this. I want to take our country back. I really do. You horrible blood sucking vermin lawyer. Have some dignity, would you? Have a little pride. And listen, you pussies, you pussies that bring up these frivolous lawsuits, have some dignity and put a gun in your mouth and kill yourself. And then maybe your sons and daughters can go ahead and sue the manufacturer of the gun company. Make a few bucks off your pussy death. I'm 39 years old. I've never even come close to one lawsuit in my entire goddamn life.

46:55 Drew Would you ever?

46:56 Adam No, I would never. I wouldn't sue anybody unless somebody just attacked me with a tire iron. And even then, I just give me the money. Put the guy in jail and give me the money for the hospital bills and we'll call it even. Freaks suing everybody all the time, shutting every business down. Pussies, lawyers. Oh, yeah, we got Philip Morris. They're giving us 70 billion dollars. Yeah, put every put DuPont, put everybody, put Owens Corning, put put everyone out of work and just sue the hell out of everybody. Have some dignity, you people. I don't trust anyone as a lawsuit about anything ever. And you people that have multiple lawsuits, you're going on your sixth one. When I'm in charge, I'm going to take a rusty piece of rebar, I'm going to put it in one ear, it's going to come out the other, and we're going to hang you, hang you outside the stadiums. It's going to be my plan for you. Outside the stadiums. You hear me, Drew?

47:47 Drew Basketball, baseball, football, whatever the season is.

47:49 Adam Whatever the season is. All right, let's take a break. Here it is, Bottom Line, it sucks being single today.

47:56 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

47:58 Call the Dateline, call the Dateline, call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

48:15 Adam Well, welcome back to the best of Love Line. I'm Adam.

48:20 Drew I'm Drew.

48:21 Adam That's Dr. Drew.

48:22 Drew I'm trying to follow your lead, Adam.

48:23 Adam Interesting that we get paid the same amount, isn't it? I find that interesting.

48:27 Drew Just hear, lick in your boots.

48:29 Adam You know, people are like, well, so you get paid the same amount. But let me tell you something. If Drew got paid what he should get paid, then I would get paid more. It's not like I just get what I'm getting and Drew would get less. No, I would get your money and I would kick you back a couple of bucks, you know, a little what I call wham, wham, walking around money.

48:49 Drew Oh, yeah.

48:49 Adam You know what I mean?

48:50 Drew I had that when I did Crank Anchors.

48:51 Adam Yeah, I could get back to you.

48:52 Drew Yeah, that was nice.

48:53 Adam I could be able to per diem. It's a month, give you 20 bucks, a little money, you know, vending machine money.

48:58 Drew It's good.

49:00 Adam Let's let's keep the train a rolling, Drew.

49:02 Drew All right.

49:03 Adam More Best of Loveline. And here it goes. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Just finishing my rant with Drew about how I hate waiters and waitresses and how they don't have to average 180 bucks an hour.

49:16 Drew Something stuck to your head, too.

49:18 Adam Yeah, that's my brain, buddy. Get used to it. Oh, I got a post that's stuck to my head.

49:22 Drew That's nice.

49:23 Adam I mean, when I'm thinking, I track paper like a magnet. All right, so I was yapping about that.

49:31 Drew The parking.

49:32 Adam You know, I hate the parking. I hate the valet. The more expensive, the more the restaurant, the more expensive the valet. The other thing that drives me nuts, as I was saying, is they don't pay waiters and waitresses, so it's up to us to pay for them. So you just drop 170 bucks for you and the old lady to have a nice dinner. Now, you got to pay for the guy, too. The one that drives me the most nuts on that, and there's a handful of these jobs, it's diabolical. They don't pay. The employer does not pay the employees, so we have to. It's the massage, the masseuse. I don't get them, but my wife and all her cronies do. And it's always like, how much is it? It's $110.

50:11 Drew And a customary 10.

50:12 Adam Takes an hour.

50:13 Caller All right.

50:14 Adam It's $110 an hour, no materials, you know, little canola oil. I mean, there's nothing, not much. It's not like you're using, it's not like you're going through $80 worth of carbon, fiber, anything like that, you know, there's no materials. So it's like, yeah, it's like $100 for an hour. All right. That sounds like enough. Well, then you got to tip them $30. Why? Well, because they don't get paid. I mean, they get the tip. They get a small hourly thing, but the house keeps all the money. Well, my thing is like, that's between them and the house because you're paying $100 for like 45 minutes worth of rubdown. Shouldn't the house just give them $50 and keep $50 and everyone be happy? No, they don't get paid. Really? This is a great scam. I got to do this, Drew.

51:01 Drew I know.

51:01 Adam I got to get some employees. I got to farm them out for $100 an hour and then say I don't pay them. So you got to pay them. And the $20 you pay them, that'll be the $20 they make an hour.

51:12 Drew That's right.

51:12 Adam I'll just keep the $100. That's for the canola oil and the fresh towel.

51:16 Drew Oh, it's the overhead.

51:17 Adam And the flip flops. That's going to run something. All right. You got it. I don't like it, Drew. Am I right or am I right? You're right. That's the one thing Drew and I agree on. Really good. Yeah. $100 an hour. Got to give a nice tip.

51:31 Drew Yes, sir, Mr. Corolla.

51:32 Adam Lorenzo? You're 18?

51:37 Drew Lorenzo. Gone.

51:39 Adam He just sounds like he's gone completely. Let's talk to Kristen, who's 22. Kristen?

51:45 Best Of That's me.

51:46 Adam What's up?

51:47 Best Of Nothing much, guys. I just want to let you know that I've been listening to you since I was in sixth grade.

51:51 Drew My goodness.

51:52 Best Of Yeah, that's right.

51:54 Caller Anyway, so you know what?

51:55 Best Of You just keep me coming back, so you're doing a good job. Congratulations with everything.

51:59 Adam Thank you.

52:01 Best Of Why, sure. Anyway, my question is, I'm 22 and I've never had a really serious relationship before. And the thing is, I really don't know why, I just went to a wedding in Missouri with my cousins I haven't seen in 10 years and they just married and it was just the strangest thing, you know?

52:18 Drew What was strange?

52:19 Adam It's strange, never been a serious relationship.

52:21 Drew You wanted to be in one?

52:23 Best Of Well, you know what? I haven't been adverse to one. I'm not going to be like, you know, at a wedding or anything.

52:27 Drew What does that mean?

52:29 Adam I don't know. Listen, Chris, you're a smart girl, but you're a little bit... You're fat. No, Drew. Yes, fat. No, you're not angry, but you're a little bitter.

52:40 Best Of I am a little bit bitter, but only just because I've been thinking about it recently.

52:45 Adam So you got a little energy.

52:46 Drew And so what is the issue? Why aren't guys...

52:50 Best Of You know, I don't know. I'm not, you know, ugly. But I'm not like, you know, the hottest chick on the block.

52:58 Adam I like when people do this and do that. I like when they go, I'm not, I'm not ugly, but I'm not the hottest woman in the universe. I always get suspicious when I hear that too. Like, there's too much exaggeration there. All right. So Chris, there's nothing wrong with you physically.

53:12 Drew Right.

53:12 Adam All right. Where's your dad?

53:15 Best Of Do you meet guys? I'm a daddy girl, actually.

53:17 Drew Yeah. I was gonna say she's too picky.

53:19 Adam Oh, you're too picky.

53:20 Drew Right.

53:20 Best Of No, I'm really not.

53:21 Drew You're not?

53:22 Best Of I mean, I probably had this in my entire life.

53:25 Drew Had what?

53:26 Best Of I probably had three kisses in my entire life.

53:29 Adam Well, that means you might be picky.

53:31 Drew You're fat.

53:32 Adam Drew, please.

53:34 Best Of No, I don't know what it is.

53:36 Best Of Only thing I can think of is that I'm an only child.

53:38 Adam All right, hold on a second.

53:39 Drew She can't hear us even.

53:42 Adam I don't know. We said you were too picky and then she said, I'm picky. I've only had two kisses in my whole life. And I don't know what she meant by that. Did she mean that guys didn't try to kiss her or... And, Drew, don't tug on your coat. You make me nervous because equipment here is so goddamn crappy. Kristin?

53:58 Best Of Yeah?

53:59 Adam Okay. So Drew said you were picky. Drew said you were picky.

54:06 Best Of I'm picky?

54:07 Drew Mm-hmm.

54:10 Adam And you said you'd only been kissed three times.

54:14 Drew That was your response to my saying you were picky.

54:18 Best Of Maybe I misunderstood, but my response meant that no one's ever tried except for three people.

54:24 Adam Really?

54:25 Best Of Yeah.

54:26 Drew But maybe you're putting out a vibe.

54:28 Adam Stay away.

54:29 Drew Yeah.

54:29 Adam You're smart?

54:31 Drew Yes.

54:32 Adam Yes? My phone's cutting out.

54:34 Drew All right.

54:35 Adam Listen. Hey, number one. Number one, we gotta have good connections. The cell phones. Hey, if someone's on a cell phone, put the cell phone on there. I don't know if you do or not, and I don't know if it says it on there, but I want to know. It could mean take them early or it could mean not take them at all. But please tell everybody if they can possibly do it to get on the landline and to pick it up and all that kind of put get off the speaker and do all this. Say I just I can't I can't one out of every two and a half connections is bad on this show. That's way too high an average. Shouldn't it be like one out of every 300 calls is a horrible connection? It's every other goddamn call on this show. It can't happen that way. Lisa. Yes. Oh, connection sounds bad. Can you hear me?

55:26 Drew I hear the hostility though. Yeah. What's up?

55:29 Caller Hello.

55:30 Drew All right.

55:31 Caller Can you hear me?

55:32 Drew Yeah.

55:34 Dr. Drew.

55:34 Adam What kind of phone are you on? You are.

55:40 Caller Yeah.

55:41 Sorry, that's all I have.

55:43 Adam You don't have a landline at your home?

55:45 Caller No, I don't.

55:48 Adam That either means you're super cool or super loser. I'm going to go with the ladder.

55:55 Caller The ladder?

55:56 Adam Well, the former. No, the ladder. But it'd be the former to the last one I said.

56:02 Drew You say ladder, Lisa, and she's thinking about something you step up and get off the ground on. So it's ladder, L-A-T-T-E-R, the ladder.

56:10 Adam We're coming undone here.

56:14 Best Of First of all, I want to say, Adam, I like you because you tell people how it is and you like to speak your mind.

56:20 Adam All right. Shut up.

56:21 Drew What's going on? What's the question?

56:24 Best Of My question is, I've had the last three relationships I've had. The first one was abusive. The second one was okay, I guess.

56:35 Caller The third one got a little bad.

56:37 Best Of And the one I'm in now is really not working all that well, I guess, because I haven't talked to them in almost a week. And for some reason, I'm attracted to guys who play in bands. You feel there?

56:55 Drew We're listening.

56:57 Best Of Attracted to guys who play in bands, because all my boyfriends have been in a band, playing guitar or whatever. But I was also wondering why they were abandoning me if it had anything to do with my parents leaving.

57:09 Drew Yes. You choose abandoning unavailable guys. You don't realize that's what you're choosing, but that's what you're choosing.

57:16 Adam Guys in bands are going to be unavailable because they're going to be on the road.

57:20 Drew And guys in bands are not known for monogamy. That's not sort of the image that comes to mind immediately when you think about band members.

57:26 Adam Wouldn't be a bad name for a band, though. Probably get a lot of chicks.

57:29 Drew Monogamy?

57:29 Adam Yeah. I'd probably probably call yourself like monogamy UK or something. Diabolical monogamy.

57:37 Drew Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

57:38 Adam Good name for a band. All right. So, Lisa, see if you can find a guy who's not in a band.

57:44 Best Of And my other question was, is the guy I'm seeing now, he's not talking all that much. You know, he don't, I don't know, he gets in these moods where he don't talk at all.

57:57 Drew Very exciting. Very attractive.

57:59 Adam Yeah.

58:00 Best Of Wonder if that had anything to do with like his family or, you know, the way he is because he's a mean.

58:06 Adam He said, he said he hadn't spoken to him in like a week, right?

58:09 Well, it'll be a week this Saturday.

58:11 Drew Plus he doesn't talk, see? She called but he doesn't speak.

58:15 Adam Lisa, maybe this isn't the right guy for you. All right. That's all I'm gonna say. You guys aren't talking.

58:26 Drew These are the antisocial guys you're going for.

58:29 Adam Yeah.

58:29 Drew Quite the contrary.

58:31 Adam And part of it too is they just don't care. They're not treating you with that much respect. Guys will pull it together. You know what I mean? If there's a really hot chick, they'll dance. And if the chick's just sort of around and they're sort of half into them and they're in a band and they're into other chicks too, then they'll put so much effort forth.

58:48 Drew Right.

58:49 Adam Everyone, just think about the way you act when you meet some celebrity or some model or somebody you respect as opposed to just some jack-off guy who is a friend of your brother's. You know, do you stand up when they come in the room and hop up and shake their hand or anything or just sit there on the sofa and nod at them? That's what this guy does with Lisa.

59:09 Drew Or brew like you guys do.

59:11 Adam Yeah. I'm not going to dignify that with an answer. Alyssa? Yes. You're 24?

59:18 Caller I am 24.

59:19 Adam What's up?

59:20 Best Of I just want to know why comes stings when it gets in your eye.

59:24 Adam Anything shot in your eye with any kind of velocity is going to hurt.

59:28 Best Of It doesn't necessarily have to be velocity.

59:30 Best Of It's just that when the liquid actually comes in contact with your eye, it burns.

59:37 Adam Well, it's got some salt in it, right? Drew, what burns her eye?

59:43 Drew Well, first of all, yeah, it's the pH in the salt content, the concentration of these various things in the eye as opposed to... But I mean, it's not something I know formally.

59:56 Adam You've never taken a shot?

59:57 Drew Yeah. Why would there be a reason for someone to know that formally? Except I will tell you that there are STDs you can get in the eye from getting stuff in the eye. Most significantly, chlamydia, gonorrhea. And if it really stings and starts to discharge, that could be an STD.

1:00:14 Best Of No, I'm just talking about casually for a few seconds.

1:00:16 Drew Oh, just casual, come in the eye.

1:00:18 Adam Like, let's just say you met a guy on the bus.

1:00:20 Best Of Yeah, and just, you know, whipped it out, smack right in the eye.

1:00:24 Adam No. Yeah. Well, look. Look at it this way. PP stings your eye too, right? Exactly. Look at it.

1:00:31 Drew Everything. Your finger touches your eye, it stings.

1:00:34 Adam Nothing feels good in your eye.

1:00:37 Drew Except completely in earth. The things which are balanced to be exactly what your eyes used to. Salient.

1:00:44 Caller Seamen by zine, I guess, actually stings a little bit.

1:00:47 Adam Yeah, of course. All right. There you go. You use that to wash out the semen, right? Oh, you a hasher?

1:00:56 Best Of No.

1:00:57 Adam Yeah. You smoke a little weed though, right?

1:00:58 Caller No.

1:00:58 Drew No laugh. No laugh.

1:00:59 Best Of Every now and then.

1:01:00 Adam Every now and then. That whole eye drop thing, I never got into it and then I realize a lot of stoners are into it.

1:01:08 Drew The vizines and that stuff are really bad for your eyes.

1:01:11 Adam Are they?

1:01:11 Drew Yeah. They restrict, they constrict the blood vessels.

1:01:13 Adam Yeah.

1:01:14 Drew And that tends to restrict oxygen supply of the cornea, it can cause all kinds of problems.

1:01:18 Adam I never got into it. I just thought, what if I like it?

1:01:22 Drew Vizine?

1:01:24 Adam One more thing I got to carry around with me.

1:01:26 Drew The knowledge that you like eye drops?

1:01:30 Adam No, here's what I'm saying is, I went down this slippery slope with ChapStick. I managed to make it like 28 years without ever using ChapStick. And then one day I try some ChapStick and I walk 10 feet and I use more ChapStick. And I walk three feet and I stop and I got to get my ChapStick. And next thing you know, it's like, I can't leave the house. Where's my ChapStick? And now I've got my face, I'm getting myself a constant ChapStick rub now. Become hooked on ChapStick. It's my heroine. I've got to chase the ChapStick dragon. You know what I'm saying? It's a bad, it's a bad thing.

1:02:01 Drew I should have warned you before you got going down that path. Geez.

1:02:03 Adam I'd like a little heads up with the nose picking too.

1:02:06 Drew Yeah, but you got a problem with that.

1:02:08 Adam I actually hurt my nose picking it today. Such aggressive nose picking that I may have done damage to my nostril.

1:02:17 Drew Cause a hole in your septum or scraped off the lining.

1:02:20 Adam Yeah. Were you pretty heavily into coke for many years? No, I picked my nose when I tried.

1:02:25 Drew Cause a hole.

1:02:28 Adam I really, I hurt my nostril all the day. I do my best thinking with my finger in my nose. Krista, you're 21. What's up?

1:02:40 Caller I just have to say you guys are hysterical.

1:02:42 Adam Good times. Great. What's up?

1:02:46 Drew Crappy landline, but one nonetheless, all right?

1:02:49 Caller Well, here's my situation. I've been single for about a few years now. My last relationship was pretty serious, but-

1:02:56 Drew You're fat. I'm sorry? Nothing, nothing.

1:03:03 Caller It turned bad. So at any rate, I met this new guy and we've been seeing each other for a while. And there's a lot of sexual tension between the two of us. We both really want to have sex with each other, but we want to take things slow and we don't want to have a lot of partners in our lives, sexual partners. And so I don't really know where to go from here.

1:03:27 Adam Third base.

1:03:28 Drew Wait, I'm confused. How long have you been dating him?

1:03:33 Adam She doesn't want to rack up any kind of sexual numbers except for she's with a guy she's really into.

1:03:38 Drew Had you had it gone through a period where you were promiscuous? Okay, so you go through a thing where you're with lots of guys and now you have a real relationship, no sex.

1:03:49 Adam Got to punish him.

1:03:50 Drew Got to punish him, got to withhold the sex.

1:03:52 Adam Let's just freak, Christophe. There's nothing wrong with you. This guy's a good guy.

1:03:56 Drew There might be something wrong with her.

1:03:58 Adam You're fine. You're into the guy. He's into you, right?

1:04:02 Caller I met him online and the first time we met, I really didn't expect him to call me back and he did. He told me that I looked great and that things were really nice and really sweet and he wanted to get together again. So he's coming over tomorrow.

1:04:18 Adam Where does he live? How far from you?

1:04:20 Caller About two hours. So we only see each other maybe once a week.

1:04:24 Drew Over a few months. Yeah.

1:04:26 Adam He's coming over tomorrow to stay for the weekend or something?

1:04:29 Caller No. He usually lives out in Long Beach and I live in Van Nuys.

1:04:34 Drew Two hours? That's 25 minutes away.

1:04:37 Caller No, not really.

1:04:41 Adam Okay, listen. San Diego is how far past Long Beach.

1:04:45 Drew Yeah. San Diego is two hours from Van Nuys. Long Beach is an hour. You're fat.

1:04:53 Adam 40 minutes. It's not that far. I'd drive it if there were some oral at the end of the highway. Look, here's the thing. You like the guy.

1:05:03 Caller Uh-huh.

1:05:04 Adam He likes you. Uh-huh.

1:05:05 Caller Uh-huh.

1:05:06 Adam Feel free to proceed cautiously with the relationship.

1:05:09 Drew I'm worried there's some sexual compulsion here because she goes through this phase of intense activity and then becomes depriving.

1:05:16 Adam Anything happen? You ever get raped or sexually abused or anything like that? When I was, when I was.

1:05:25 Drew Oh, my God. How old were you?

1:05:28 Adam Wow.

1:05:29 Drew Oh, my God.

1:05:35 Adam And your therapist molested you? And your therapist had sex with you?

1:05:41 Caller No, he would just touch me.

1:05:44 Drew I'm a rapist.

1:05:44 Adam Drew, please.

1:05:46 Caller But then when I was about a year ago, I.

1:05:50 Drew That's the rape.

1:05:51 Caller I was involved with a date rape.

1:05:52 Drew Yeah.

1:05:53 Caller I got broke and passed out and he raped me.

1:05:56 Drew And that's where she shut down.

1:05:58 Adam Okay, but how old were you when the therapist did this?

1:06:01 Drew Seven.

1:06:01 Caller I was about seven, maybe six.

1:06:03 Adam And he would just sort of fondle you?

1:06:06 Caller Yeah. And I told my mom that he would put his arm around me and it felt really uncomfortable. And so I saw him for about a year and then I was just like, I can't do it anymore. And my parents got me a new therapist, a female therapist who I saw all the way up until the age of 16, 17.

1:06:27 Drew Did you report to her what had happened with the other one? No. Why were you seeing a therapist at age six?

1:06:37 Caller Not sexually.

1:06:38 Drew Is it possible you were misinterpreting some of the things this guy was doing? Because since you had been abused, maybe everything felt like an intrusion?

1:06:45 Caller No, because he would put his hand on my pants.

1:06:48 Drew I can't misinterpret that.

1:06:49 Caller No, not really.

1:06:50 Adam Wow, there's certain more aggressive forms of experimental therapy. I'm going to perform some of that on myself.

1:06:56 Drew And you never told the second therapist what this guy had done?

1:06:59 Caller No, I never really told my parents either.

1:07:02 Drew Do you want to maybe go after this guy? Do the publicist a favor?

1:07:05 Caller I don't even remember what his name was. Oh.

1:07:08 Drew All right, but Krista, you're going through this, let's focus on you for a second. You're going through this thing of sexual compulsion, and that's what happens. You go through this flurry of activity, and then you get deprived, and you start withholding. And all of it is a way of sort of avoiding real intimacy. And now you're with a guy that you could be intimate with, and of course now no sex.

1:07:27 Adam Maybe I may find a new therapist. I wouldn't say, I don't count myself as raped by a therapist, but I have cancelled without 24 hours notice and been charged a 90 bucks. And I consider that a form of rape light. It's a mild raping.

1:07:48 Drew But this raping you deserved?

1:07:51 Adam No, I don't like that 24 hours BS. They should be able to do it in like 20 minutes.

1:07:57 Drew I don't like the speed limits.

1:07:59 Adam Karen? Karen? It's funny. I now know people have dropped off the line when I don't hear static when we punched them up. Karen couldn't have fallen asleep. She'd been on hold for five minutes. Yeah, I know. Karen? Let's talk to Ricky. Ricky?

1:08:19 Caller Yeah.

1:08:20 Adam You're 22? You did speed for, well, Drew moved the screen as I was reading it.

1:08:27 Caller Actually, I'm 1200 weeks old.

1:08:30 Adam You did the math?

1:08:31 Caller Yeah, I had to do it out for you, man.

1:08:32 Adam All right. So you have a speed-related question?

1:08:36 Caller Yeah. Actually, the thing is, before I start, I just want to say about the little quote that you had about the waiters and stuff in the tip. Mm-hmm. Take some damn typing classes. Don't put your financial problems on my tab.

1:08:48 Adam Yeah.

1:08:49 Caller You know what I mean?

1:08:49 Adam Right on, brother. He gets a Diablo sandwich, a Mr. Pib, and a... Let's actually order the Mr. Pib Mountain Dew Suicide and some chili fries. And this guy wants 80 cents. Kiss my black ass. Hell yeah. That's right. Take them typing classes.

1:09:15 Caller Or something. My question was to Dr. Drew, the thing was, I started messing around with the speed thing about a year now. Summer actually it was. And I just started out doing it here and there type of deal, so I could perform a little bit longer when I'm having sex with my old lady.

1:09:31 Drew Wait, wait, wait. I'll listen to music for a second. So you began using speed to prolong your performance in bed?

1:09:43 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:09:44 Drew Speed was going to do that for you?

1:09:45 Adam Yeah, you can't orgasm. You can't have an orgasm, alright.

1:09:48 Caller Exactly.

1:09:48 Drew You know, there are safer ways to do that if you're going to take pharmacological approaches.

1:09:54 Caller Yeah, I hear you, but then you know, I tried it out and then when I started having sex, I realized that, shit, I'm lasting longer because of what I smoked right before I came over here, you know what I mean?

1:10:04 Drew Smoked speed?

1:10:05 Caller Yeah.

1:10:06 Drew Oh, boy.

1:10:07 Adam Let's call him from Bakersfield. He's probably the mayor of Bakersfield. He's not tipping. He's only smoking speed. He's not shooting it. Isn't that how it works in Bakersfield? Like if you live in Bakersfield and you mainline speed, you're in the mayor's cabinet, but you don't actually get to be the mayor. The guys who smoke this speed, now they're up for election.

1:10:28 Caller They're in there.

1:10:29 Drew So what is your question?

1:10:30 Caller And I'm just saying like last few months, like my time though having sex has dropped down back to regular.

1:10:38 Adam Down to regular. And you're still smoking the speed. Well, you're going to have to stop smoking the speed, Ricky.

1:10:47 Drew It damages your brain.

1:10:48 Caller Speed.

1:10:50 Caller His line is perfect, but you can't even understand the word.

1:10:53 Drew Yeah, the statics coming from his nervous system. It causes destruction of the limbic system. Memory problems ensue with tons of problems with this drug. It's an awful drug and profoundly addictive, even though it seems like it's kind of no big deal. Just smoking it three times a week, something like that. It is when you start thinking. What can I ask him?

1:11:12 Adam No, ask him what?

1:11:14 Drew Ricky, do you think the people are thinking about you and talking about you to get those kinds of thoughts once in a while?

1:11:19 Caller No, I'm good to go.

1:11:20 Drew All right, you will. You will. You will.

1:11:22 Adam You're always been a thousand. Okay, we got to take a break. Matt, real fast. Matt? You're a waiter?

1:11:31 Caller I'm actually a waiter bartender.

1:11:33 Adam And you say I'm wrong that your employers do pay you?

1:11:38 Caller Well, the federal law says that tipped employees can have a minimum wage of between $2.13 to $2.25 an hour. I think it just went up. But $2.25 an hour maximum.

1:11:48 Adam Oh, I see.

1:11:49 Caller Because of workmen's compensation laws and unemployment insurance, almost all wait staff are part time. We only work between four and five hours, three or four shifts per week.

1:11:59 Adam Right.

1:11:59 Caller So we're expected to make as much as a normal person would in a 40-hour work week.

1:12:04 Drew This is the argument that the commercial actors use that you like so much.

1:12:07 Adam Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it's like when those ferries run strike a few years ago, the SAG or AFTRA or whatever, a crappy union, I was forced to join if you want to work in this business. People are like, how can you sell out your own union? It's like, listen, how could someone sell out Stalin who was living in the Soviet Union at the time? It's like, no, you were forced to join this group. OK, but here's the point is these pussies like Tim Robbins are up there going, well, these actors, they only work once or twice a year. They have families to support. Oh, I see. So they they choose to show up to work twice a year. So they got to make their nuts. You got to pay them 50 grand a day. Is that it? To stand in the background and dance on a jeep that's parked in the sand for a KFC commercial? You could get any monkey to do this. They got to make enough to support their family for a year. No, that's not how it works. They got to get a job. And it's the same with you lazy waiters. We got to make what you guys... You guys, you're lucky. You get to work a 50 hour a week. We have to make what you make in 10 hours. Oh, really? Boy, I didn't know how cursed your life was. So instead of making 10 bucks an hour, you got to make 50 an hour. Yeah. And his... Now, how is he rebutting my comment?

1:13:31 Drew He's not.

1:13:32 Adam They're not even making minimum wage.

1:13:34 Drew He's making it worse, actually.

1:13:36 Adam You guys get $2 an hour, right?

1:13:38 Caller That's right. All right.

1:13:40 Adam Who pays you the $2 an hour?

1:13:42 Caller Well, basically what my point was is most of us are working night times. This is the only job we can get to put ourselves through school.

1:13:49 Adam Oh, who cares?

1:13:51 Caller Until...

1:13:51 Adam Again, yeah, who cares?

1:13:52 Caller Until you call your congressman.

1:13:55 Adam Listen. Your whole point is we got other stuff to do other than work. So we need to get paid a ton.

1:14:02 Beat him up more when we come back.

1:14:04 Adam All right. We got to take a break. Do you understand this argument, everybody? The argument is, listen, I'm going out on auditions during the day. I'm doing some modeling gigs. I'm going out for this. I'm doing that. I go to school. I only work a few hours at night. Hey, I got to pay the bills. So I'm going to need a couple hundred dollars cash every night. That's great.

1:14:27 Drew The other thing is he's making the point that we're making is the employer should be whatever it is, the employer should be picking it up.

1:14:31 Adam Employers don't even pay these guys minimum wage. Pay them two dollars an hour. The F is that. And we'll be back.

1:14:44 Caller Half of all new HIV infections in this country happen to people under the age of 25. Protect yourself. Call toll free. 1-866-344-KNOW.

1:14:53 Caller WB.

1:15:01 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. All right, we got to get out of here with Matt.

1:15:10 Caller I'm here.

1:15:11 Adam You're waiter.

1:15:11 Caller Yes, sir.

1:15:12 Adam All right, we're done with you. I know your point was, I don't know what your point was. My point is, is employers should pay their waiters, not me.

1:15:21 Caller I agree 100 percent, and my point was that until the laws are changed, call your congressman, complain to the people that own the restaurant, but the person who's hurt when you leave the table with a short tip is the waiter.

1:15:32 Drew So do you think that the basic sort of hourly wage for a waiter could be controlled through legislation or improved through legislation?

1:15:41 Caller The minimum wage for everybody else is yes, and it's the law that the minimum wage for a tip to pass.

1:15:46 Drew Yeah, but let's say the minimum wage for a waiter is 15 bucks an hour. We don't have to tip anymore?

1:15:49 Caller No.

1:15:50 Adam Good.

1:15:50 Caller I would gladly work for $7 an hour if I could get an eight-hour shift working at night. I would work eight hours a day, five days a week working at night, so I could show myself through school. But how many night jobs are there out there?

1:16:00 Adam I didn't work at a gas station. Hold on. Where are we now, Drew?

1:16:04 Drew Night.

1:16:05 Adam But where are we?

1:16:06 Drew Los Angeles.

1:16:07 Adam I know, but we're at work, jackass.

1:16:08 Drew Yes, yes.

1:16:09 Adam Night. Frankenstein?

1:16:15 Drew I'm trying to get at what you were getting at, what you're working at night. I got the night part. I'm working.

1:16:20 Adam Oh, jeez. I think I've, you know what, remember, I tell you, I lost my groove.

1:16:23 Drew Yeah, you got it back?

1:16:24 Adam I think I'm winning it back a little.

1:16:25 Caller Hello.

1:16:27 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:16:29 Adam No, it's not bad. TJ.

1:16:30 Drew It's not good.

1:16:31 Caller Yes.

1:16:33 Adam Well, it's never good. TJ you're 26.

1:16:36 Caller Hey, how are you guys doing? Good.

1:16:38 Caller I'm a really big fan of the show.

1:16:39 Best Of I just want to let you know that every time I drive home from work, I listen to you guys. You guys are hilarious.

1:16:44 Adam Thanks, TJ.

1:16:45 Caller Anyways, I heard you guys talking about.

1:16:48 Drew Seamen in the eye.

1:16:49 Caller Yeah, the semen in the eye and why it stings. And I'm a former student at UC Berkeley. And I think I know why. There's an enzyme that I learned that's on the top of the sperm, which helps it go into the.

1:17:02 Drew No, no. Yeah, but that wouldn't, that's for capacitance, so the sperm can penetrate the egg. Well, that's how the egg is penetrated by the sperm.

1:17:13 Adam How it burrows into the egg?

1:17:14 Drew Yeah, but no, that's how the egg is activated as it hits the egg.

1:17:18 Adam Well, maybe he thinks the eyeball is the egg instead of burrowing in. Yeah, yeah.

1:17:25 Caller It's just an enzyme that breaks down protein. So I just thought maybe it might be doing the same thing. That's what I might think.

1:17:30 Adam I appreciate that. So, Drew, sperm is coated with like something?

1:17:38 Drew The head of the sperm has all kinds of specialized function that get it to find the egg, get to it, beat all the other sperm out, and then penetrate, and then get through, and then get in. There's multiple steps to that.

1:17:49 Adam How do you mean get through and get in?

1:17:51 Drew The egg has a big shell around it. It has to be able to penetrate that.

1:17:56 Adam Really?

1:17:58 Drew Basically, yeah. I mean, it's not a calcium shell.

1:18:00 Adam It's got to get to the nougaty center.

1:18:02 Drew That's right. It has all kinds of specialized biological functions to get it through. There's several impairments that it can get. Some of the reasons people have fertility problems, the sperm doesn't capacitate normally.

1:18:13 Adam Why does the egg need to protect itself so much? It wants healthy sperm?

1:18:18 Drew Yeah.

1:18:19 Adam It's got to put up a little battle so only the strong can get through there?

1:18:21 Drew Exactly. And also the sperm fight it out with one another, if only one gets through.

1:18:27 Adam I wonder which one of my sperm won. I think the weak one won. I think it was one of those situations you see once in a while, like in a tough man competition, where the tough guy actually loses on a sneak punch.

1:18:39 Drew That caused you?

1:18:40 Adam I don't feel like I'm the number one sperm.

1:18:43 Drew Yeah, but think of the other Corolla sperm. I mean, just think about the Corolla sperm.

1:18:48 Adam I know.

1:18:49 Drew They're all just, they all had, you know, coats with elbow pads on them. They were smoking, you know, pipes. And the end, your sperm was the one had a tool bag around its belt.

1:18:59 Adam Yeah. So, I mean, my family is really borderline retarded. I mean, if you're, you know, my dad, I was talking to my dad the other day, and I said, I was telling him all about this. He said, I heard you did that car race. And I said, yes, I did that Toyota Grand Prix race a few weeks back. And he said, hmm. And I said, yeah, it was exciting because all the cars, you know, they had the roll bars, the cage, the fire suppression. They were all tuned up, but they were all equally prepared. All so it made for exciting racing. And he said, did you drive your car? I said, no, dad.

1:19:41 Drew Once again.

1:19:43 Adam Dad, once again. I was driving the 350Z and I had a good advantage on Josh Brolin because he had a suburban. Kids, child seats in there rolling around in the back. I think he may had his kids and a load of groceries in the back. So I was able to pull him on the straights. But of course, you know, he has a six thousand pound vehicle. So he was able to, you know, push me around in the curves just a little bit. Buzz Aldrin was, Buzz was driving a golf cart, lunar module. Yeah, I was driving a lunar module, Peek-A-Boo Street. She was, she drives skis, rocket skis. We all had our own form of transportation out there trading paint. Yeah, they went ahead and put a fire bottle in my car. Yeah, that's just it. Harness, net and everything. You understand my family may be retarded.

1:20:36 Drew From your mouth.

1:20:37 Adam To God's ears. Jen? That's right, Jen.

1:20:43 Caller No, with an A.

1:20:44 Drew Jen, uh-oh. You better remove that attitude, Jen.

1:20:49 Adam Drew saw where my finger was.

1:20:52 Drew I grabbed it before it hit the hold button, so let's go.

1:20:54 Adam What's up?

1:20:55 Caller Okay. I met this guy when I was 25. He told me he had herpes. I was okay with it. I researched it. We fell in love. Blah, blah, blah. Ten months later, we broke up. We didn't talk for about six months. Started talking again. Then we started sleeping together again, and all of a sudden he decided to move. A week before he moved, he had an outbreak due to stress, and I ended up getting herpes.

1:21:23 Drew You had sex with him while he was having an outbreak?

1:21:25 Caller Well, he didn't know. Because he was under so much stress, he was on a cyclovarine, and so he didn't know that he was actually having an outbreak.

1:21:34 Drew He had an outbreak in spite of being on Zovrax?

1:21:37 Caller No. I mean, he does take it all the time, but apparently he had one and he was unaware.

1:21:43 Drew He had an outbreak in spite of being on Zovrax?

1:21:47 Caller No.

1:21:48 Drew He didn't have an outbreak?

1:21:49 Caller He did.

1:21:49 Drew He had an outbreak in spite of being on a cyclovarine?

1:21:52 Caller Right.

1:21:53 Drew How many times did I have to say that before she answered my question?

1:21:56 Adam No. No. No. I'm tired of Jan. Jan starts to correct me ten times right out of the box and then start arguing with Drew. What Drew is saying is he was on suppression therapy, right?

1:22:11 Drew For the virus. Yes, for the herpes.

1:22:13 Adam Some people take that stuff all the time. If they feel an outbreak coming on or they're having an outbreak and other people who have a bad case of it take it constantly.

1:22:21 Drew Yeah.

1:22:22 Adam I've seen the commercials. They're kickboxing.

1:22:24 Drew Yeah.

1:22:25 Adam They're having a good time.

1:22:26 Drew Uh-huh.

1:22:27 Adam All right. I don't know what Jen's question was, do you?

1:22:30 Drew On the board it says something about having a relationship. How does she get in a relationship even though she has herpes now?

1:22:37 Adam So you're not with this guy anymore?

1:22:39 Caller Correct.

1:22:40 Adam And now you want to have a relationship.

1:22:42 Caller Right.

1:22:42 Adam That's fine.

1:22:43 Drew Same way he was able to have one.

1:22:45 Caller But I actually have dated a couple people and as soon as I was really honest with them and said, well, I have this, they pretty much gave me some bullshit.

1:22:54 Adam Oh, please. Jan is angry. Jan's like a world class coos. And the reason the guys are dropping her is because she's a bitch. Because of the herpes.

1:23:06 Drew If a guy was really into her, he would deal with it just the way she dealt with it with her boyfriend.

1:23:10 Adam Listen, if people are really into you, they'll date you if you got HIV.

1:23:14 Drew Yeah.

1:23:16 Adam Absolutely. All right. Jan. You're pain in the ass. That's why they drop you. It's not because of the herpes.

1:23:23 Caller Actually, I'm not. I'm kind of bitter now because of the fact, because it was recently that...

1:23:28 Adam You've been bitter for a long time.

1:23:30 Caller No. I've been depressed for a long time.

1:23:32 Adam Well, your depression comes across as anger.

1:23:35 Caller Yeah.

1:23:35 Drew The irritability and stuff and hostility from the depression. You're projecting that.

1:23:39 Adam So look into all that stuff. And then don't worry about the dating right now. Focus on the depression. Get yourself in a little better place. And it'll be fine. Find a guy who's into you. He's into you.

1:23:50 Drew Just the way you dealt with this guy's herpes, somebody will deal with yours. It's not that big a deal.

1:23:55 Adam All right. Okay. Take a good time, sir.

1:24:01 Drew I'm not going to satisfy you with a laugh even, Adam. How dare you?

1:24:06 Adam Now, what is going on that we just talked to Jan, who up on the screen, it said Jen. And that's why we mispronounced it. And now we have someone else named Jen. And how many Jen's do we talk to a year on this show?

1:24:17 Drew Three mics are on the screen.

1:24:18 Adam Three mics and a Jen.

1:24:20 Drew Full house.

1:24:23 Adam Hey, Jen.

1:24:24 Hello.

1:24:25 Adam You're 19.

1:24:25 Caller Yes, I'm 19.

1:24:27 Adam Oh, I like you so much better than the evil Jen.

1:24:29 Caller Oh.

1:24:30 Drew Jan, evil Jan.

1:24:32 Adam What's up?

1:24:33 Caller Whatever. Me and my roommates were kind of curious about if marijuana affects, if after you smoke marijuana for like a long period of time and then you go to quit, if it can cause like insomnia or sleeplessness?

1:24:48 Drew Yeah, there's a whole withdrawal syndrome associated with POD. And insomnia is a big part of it. Irritability, moodiness, a lot of depression, suicidal ideation, well above and beyond the degree of depression. In other words, you may not feel that depressed, but you'll just start preoccupying about killing yourself. So that's a strange kind of side effect this drug causes. And then a lot of craving and a lot of irritability.

1:25:11 Adam Anything you stop screws with your sleep.

1:25:15 Drew Well, when you've been sleeping, it's a downer.

1:25:17 Caller Yeah.

1:25:17 Drew And then your brain sort of compensates for that. And then when you remove it, it's all those counter-regulatory mechanisms kick you're there.

1:25:24 Adam That's why you can't quit.

1:25:27 Caller So even if you have like no previous signs of depression or whatever, it can still cause that.

1:25:32 Drew A little stopping. If you smoke pot long enough, it will make you depressed in essentially 100% of cases. But even if you don't have the depression and you stop abruptly, you can get depressive symptoms then.

1:25:43 Caller Right.

1:25:44 Drew You need to be sort of followed if you're a marijuana addict. It's a very pernicious drug.

1:25:49 Adam But good times.

1:25:50 Drew Good times.

1:25:50 Caller Yeah.

1:25:52 Adam Yeah. See, there you go. There's a nice one. She's one of our nice callers.

1:25:56 Caller Yeah.

1:25:57 Adam Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:25:59 Caller Loveline.

1:26:00 Best Of Wait. My hair.

1:26:03 Caller We'll be right back.

1:26:12 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. All right. Let's get it going, Drew. What do you say, buddy?

1:26:17 Drew I got some good calls in here.

1:26:18 Adam Hop back to the phone. Speak to Daniels. 24.

1:26:22 Drew phone line right away. It's great.

1:26:24 Adam What's up?

1:26:24 Caller Hey, what's going on?

1:26:26 Caller I have a question or it's kind of like a statement at the same time. I was wondering what you guys... What's a good tip for you guys to give on a nice fine dining experience with wine, dessert? The bill's $85.90, maybe $150. What is your guys' tip on those dinner experience there?

1:26:48 Adam What percentage?

1:26:49 Caller What?

1:26:54 Adam Usually about 20%. Here's what I do. He's got a bad line. I will tip more if I go in and have $8 worth of eggs, I'll leave him $5 just because who the hell wants to get 20% of $8, $1.60. That's no good. So I'll do that. But on the other hand, I'm not into the big thing.

1:27:17 Drew The big tips?

1:27:18 Adam Here's what I'm saying. You got some waiter at a nice, you go to a nice restaurant and you go there with a group of five or six people. You run the tab up to like $600, $700. The waiter's been waiting on you guys for about an hour and a half and they also have three or four more other tables. You got to drop like a hundred change or whatever it is. They don't need to make $300 an hour. Like they're not attorneys. I'm fine with that. I know I sound like old man Corolla here, but the whole, here's the way I look at it. And this is what makes me a prick. The whole time I swung a hammer, I made 15 bucks an hour. I was reading plans. I knew all the codes. I was framing houses and you know, I was a skilled that drove a truck with $2,000 worth of tools on it. You're some half a fag, actors in town with a little dipty do in his hair. You're 22 years old. You need to average 80 bucks an hour. No, no, you don't. You're just schlepping food. You don't have anything. It didn't take you 15 years to do this. No apprentice school, no undergrad work, no nothing. I mean, I'm fine with you making a living, but you don't have to get rich. You don't have to make more than a guy who has a skill by any stretch of the imagination. Plus you're getting phone numbers the whole time and then hanging out. You're eating for free, getting phone numbers and hanging out and getting drunk with the bartenders after you clean up. I have no sympathy for these people. I'm actually jealous of them. And what else, Drew? We good?

1:28:49 Drew Dominique.

1:28:49 Adam All right. Dominique?

1:28:50 Drew 21.

1:28:51 Adam How are you doing? Good. Thank you. Oh, wait a minute. I know what I wanted to say. I don't like any of those jobs where the people go... Well, the management, you know, they survive off the tip, so you got to pay them. It's like, look, you go into a nice place, the steak's $32.50. Oh, you want the brocca flour, too? That's another $8. Can't pay the guy who's bringing it to me? I got to pay him? Like, well, yeah, but they don't pay him. These guys don't get paid. What a great scam. I would love to run a business that went this way. I don't pay my employees, so you pay me. You pay me. Then you got to pay them, too, because I don't really pay them. They wouldn't be able to survive off of it. Really? I just dropped 700 bucks at your sushi dump. You know, maybe take some of that money and pay them. This is all the money they get. Yeah, because you don't pay them. Shouldn't they pay them?

1:29:51 Drew Yep, absolutely.

1:29:52 Adam All right. I also don't like the fact that you can go to the IHOP or the Denny's and park for free for as long as you want, but you go over to Nobu and it's four bucks and you got some Nicaraguan guy shaking you down on the curb. Nothing worse. Geez, I don't have any cash on me. What you got in the ashtray, man? It's like, let me fish some quarters out. I got like $2.75 here. It's all I got in change. Yeah, that's not going to do it. We just spent $1,200 bucks in the restaurant. Yeah, we're not affiliated. You're not affiliated? You're standing out front parking people's cars. You're going into the restaurant. I wish the restaurant would just pay for those people. Of course. All right. I get that. Don't get me going, Drew. Don't get me started, Dominique. We don't pay them, so you're going to have to pay them.

1:30:41 Best Of I totally agree.

1:30:42 Adam Yeah. Oh, that's Sprite. That's $9. You understand we don't pay them. Really? It's great scam. We all buy into it.

1:30:50 Drew I know.

1:30:51 Adam You know, your wife's always sitting there going, oh, you're just going to leave 20? That's all the money they get. I know because no one pays them. We got to pay. What do you want to do? Should we pay for the car insurance too? What else do we need to pay for for these guys? All right. I'm sorry.

1:31:10 Best Of I had a question about postpartum depression or I guess just depression in general. I was a teenage mother. I'm 21 going on 22. I have a six year old son and I am in the minority because I finished school. I'm getting my BS in two months and I did go to community college for two years and it was good but then I transferred to UCSB and it was much better.

1:31:37 Adam You have a six year old?

1:31:39 Best Of Yes.

1:31:40 Drew Great.

1:31:41 Best Of He's going to be seven in December but I guess...

1:31:46 Adam Hold on. December is too far away for you to be talking about when he's going to be seven.

1:31:49 Drew That's kid talk. He's six and a half.

1:31:51 Caller I guess when people have kids, you know.

1:31:53 Drew Yes. You talk that way. Listen, you're talking about months.

1:31:55 Adam He's going to be seven and nine and a half months. He's closer to six. He's closer to five than he is to seven, you know. He's 178 weeks old.

1:32:07 Drew My kid's birthday is in November and I start talking about them as being the next age in around August.

1:32:12 Adam How old is your kid? He's 4,028 and a half weeks old. I never know how old that is. He's 27 weeks. He's in high school. He's in high school, right? For sure. Dominique?

1:32:28 Drew So what's the question?

1:32:30 Best Of So I'm not sure if it's like postpartum depression from when my son was born or if it's depression.

1:32:40 Drew Postpartum is within the first year of delivery.

1:32:44 Best Of And then I also have a blood disorder. It's called sickle beta thalassemia.

1:32:48 Drew It's your sickle trait.

1:32:51 Best Of My mother has the thalassemia trait and my father has the sickle trait.

1:32:57 Drew It's called sickle thal.

1:33:00 Adam Is this everyone got to be black or someone's got to be black?

1:33:03 Best Of Well, my dad is Puerto Rican and black and my mom is Puerto Rican.

1:33:08 Adam Oh my God. The hurdles you've had to overcome. Shocking. And OK, so once Puerto Rican and black and the other parts of Puerto Rican.

1:33:18 Best Of Yeah.

1:33:19 Adam I'm trying to figure out the part that got her to finish college. I'm going to look into this. I got to get my get my racial color wheel out and figure out what's going on with you.

1:33:29 Drew So what's the question?

1:33:31 Best Of I I am depressed, I guess, or have anxiety attacks. I'm not sure which one it is.

1:33:40 Caller OK. Do you have a do you have a drug history?

1:33:43 Best Of No.

1:33:43 Drew Are you on any medication?

1:33:45 Best Of Just the pain meds I take for my pain crisis and I don't take those.

1:33:49 Adam Pain crisis?

1:33:51 Drew Sickle crisis.

1:33:51 Adam Oh, I see.

1:33:52 Drew How often is the sickle crisis?

1:33:55 Best Of Maybe about twice a month.

1:33:57 Drew So that stuff could be working against you. Plus God knows the chronic illness can can affect you too.

1:34:02 Adam Why don't you do something on campus?

1:34:05 Drew You mean like support group?

1:34:07 Adam No, I mean, yeah, go talk to a counselor.

1:34:09 Drew Yeah, absolutely. I mean, most many people with sickle disease get some sort of antidepressant treatment.

1:34:16 Adam What's sickle mean, really?

1:34:17 Drew Sickle cell disease.

1:34:18 Adam I know, but what's the sickle part come in?

1:34:21 Drew The red blood cycles form sickles.

1:34:23 Adam Blood sickles?

1:34:24 Drew They're blood sickles. They're sickle shaped. They're just half moon shaped. They get clogged in the capillaries and cause a lot of pain, restriction.

1:34:31 Adam Why do only black people get sickle cell?

1:34:33 Drew Because, in the many, many years of evolution, it turned out that people with sickle don't get malaria. And malaria is endemic in Africa, and so the sickle traits survived better.

1:34:44 Adam Uh-huh. So over many thousands of years and generations, the people who did not have the sickle cell died of malaria in Africa. So now it's just become, you'd have to come from Africa. Interesting. I never knew that. All right, we'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:35:05 Caller So I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:35:29 Adam Well, that's it. The best of Love Live. I'm sick, Drew.

1:35:34 Drew I know. You've been sick all week.

1:35:36 Adam I seem better during the Best of Loveline.

1:35:39 Drew Yeah, you did. But still, you want your kvetchy even when you're not sick.

1:35:43 Adam Yeah. Maybe I'm teething or something. All right. I think I got a gray pub coming in.

1:35:49 Drew I'm realizing. I'm seeing like a giant Stewie in front of me. I realize that Seth McFarland fashion Stewie after you.

1:35:59 Adam True, please. Little family guy, homage. Let's take an extended break, Drew. I'll collect myself and until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:36:15 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, December 24, 2003