Episode 1000584681204

1:03 Best Of All right, you ready to move forward here, Drew?

1:08 Drew Let's talk to Nicole, who's 19.

1:10 Best Of Nicole?

1:11 Yeah, hi. Well, I just had a question about when you are sexually comfortable and you just enjoy sex, where's the line where it becomes enjoying sex and having it a lot and just being addicted to sex or Addiction. One reason in a weird way.

1:30 Adam Addiction is really defined by consequences. If you're progressively engaging in a behavior that has mounting and increasingly severe consequences and you can't stop in spite of those consequences, that's addiction. Compulsion really implies that it's a behavior that you'd rather, you'd like to contain a little bit but can't.

1:48 Drew What is, how often do you have in sex?

1:52 Well, I have, I have, right now I'm having, I'm monogamous with one person, but about two months ago I was not. And I would have sex at least once a week.

2:03 Adam With different people?

2:06 If need be. If, if, like, if I was seeing someone then it wouldn't be a different person. But if I was seeing someone for a month it would be that person.

2:18 Best Of All right, all right, this doesn't sound like anything.

2:21 Adam You sound a little bit troubled in terms of being able to stay alone and stay in a relationship, that kind of thing, but I don't think that's about sex.

2:27 Best Of Are you, are you Catholic? Are you guilted out?

2:30 No, no, I really don't have any orthodox religion in my life or anything.

2:34 Best Of All right, well stop thinking so much then.

2:36 Okay, well I just, another quick, another thing I just thought of, what about masturbation? Is that, is that such a bad thing? Because I'm not, I started masturbating when I was like in third grade. I didn't know what it was at the time, I just didn't know what it felt like.

2:46 Drew Yeah, it's fine unless you start doing it because somebody started you doing it.

2:51 Adam Was there a lot of chaos in your home growing up?

2:53 Best Of Um, yes.

2:55 Not so much, but I was, of course, I was, I was messed with as a child.

2:59 Best Of All right.

3:00 Adam Well that's where sexual abuse and, that's where compulsions and excessive sexualization of all feelings comes from. You've got to, so you're sort of wired up that way a little bit, so at least consider yourself at rest.

3:12 Best Of Crack a wine cooler and relax.

3:16 Drew You know, we'll drink it, mull it out just a little bit.

3:19 Best Of You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. Let's talk to John, who's 20. John? Good. Good. What's up?

3:30 Best Of 20, when I was, but when I was 17, 18, I was having sex fairly consistently, normally just once a day with the same person. I would go hours, all my sessions, and now I'm getting married here soon, and I don't have sex as consistently anymore, but my, I don't know, I'm very short now, half hour at 45 minutes and all.

3:58 Adam Yeah, there's a couple things here. Can you understand why we might have a little question about why you're not having sex, why you're having so much then and why not so much now?

4:07 Best Of Work schedule.

4:08 Adam Work schedule.

4:09 Best Of I work more days and she works more nights and so we hardly get to see each other.

4:14 Best Of That's great.

4:15 Best Of Yeah, it is.

4:16 Best Of Marriage is going to last forever.

4:18 Best Of Exactly. I'm going to start school soon and she's going to start working days and so on.

4:23 Drew 30, 45 minutes is a long enough session, especially when you're married.

4:29 Best Of Believe you me.

4:31 Adam It's taking you 30 minutes now?

4:33 Drew 30 to 45 is close to two hours.

4:35 Adam And he's complaining about that?

4:37 Evidently.

4:38 Best Of I'm used to going for a long time and so to switch fairly suddenly was just kind of weird.

4:44 Adam Well, here's the deal. Most women after about 10 or 15 minutes are not happy. Most women, not all, but most feel that that's out, uncomfortable, unnecessary.

4:55 Drew So this question is like saying it used to take me two hours to mow the lawn. Now I do it in 35 minutes.

5:01 Adam Yeah, exactly. Then now, and also, by the way, he has a readily available explanation, he was having lots of sex before, now not having so much, so things are happening a little faster.

5:12 Drew And unless his 30 minute to 45 minute is really 8 minutes to 14 minutes.

5:20 Adam Even then that's fine.

5:22 Best Of Oh, Drew.

5:23 Adam 14 minutes is okay. Again, you get beyond 14, 15 of intercourse, most women are having a little trouble after that. Most, no.

5:34 Best Of A little window into Drew's sexual schedule. Steve?

5:38 How you doing, guys?

5:39 Best Of You're 17, what's up?

5:40 Well, I'm working at this camp here and there's this pretty hot girl working there with me and I kind of want to take her into the bedroom, the relationship, you know? And I was wondering how I would go about doing this.

5:57 Adam Non-question.

5:58 Best Of This is a bogus quality, Steve. Whatever.

6:02 No, I really want to know how to do this.

6:07 Adam Butterbuttholes is a big man.

6:09 Best Of There we go.

6:10 Best Of Yeah, you really got it.

6:11 Adam Yeah.

6:15 Best Of We got sucked into that one, boy. I'll tell you what, boy, hook line and sinker.

6:19 Drew Now, it's funny, two syllables into it, I didn't buy Steve at all.

6:22 Adam We both looked at each other and went...

6:24 Right. Well, actually, I farted. That was funny.

6:27 But...

6:29 Drew So, anyway, he's called Red Bogus to me from the first word, but he didn't say the girl's name.

6:36 Adam He was going to, though. Oh, no, he was going to go Red Bogus.

6:39 Best Of No, he was going for the Mason John.

6:40 Drew He didn't say the girl's name, and it was, you know, the whole working at a camp like someone I worked with. It was sort of specific enough that I was listening, but yet the tone, his tone was completely bogus.

6:54 Best Of I want to know how to do it.

6:55 I want to know how to do it, man.

6:58 Drew His words were not bogus at all, but his tone was horribly bogus.

7:02 Best Of And I think we're both starting to pick up on those tones. Mark?

7:08 Will masturbation cause depression? No.

7:13 I've heard a lot that it will.

7:16 Adam You've heard a lot? Where have you heard that from?

7:17 On the Internet, searching it up.

7:20 Adam Where did you see that exactly?

7:21 Best Of No.

7:23 I don't have the exact...

7:24 Adam Is it another bogus call?

7:25 Best Of It's possible.

7:26 This isn't a bogus call. Have you ever heard that rumor before?

7:30 Best Of Are you depressed?

7:32 No, but I don't want to be.

7:33 Adam Do you masturbate?

7:35 Yeah.

7:36 Drew Well, can't you do the ballsack math? If masturbating makes you depressed, yet you masturbate and you're not depressed, then how can it be true?

7:48 Adam The only way I can imagine it, there are only a couple of ways I can imagine it causing depression and that would be if you are overwhelmed, riddled with guilt because of it and eventually the stress of the guilt starts to make you depressed. If you are sexually compulsive or addicted and you start doing things that have consequences with the masturbation like in public or paying for porn and stuff, then I can see we get a little depressed. But just run the mill, normal masturbation, you might even be a little protective against depression.

8:22 Drew I've got to do something about the evidence trail of being off.

8:28 Adam You have a service that could do that.

8:31 Drew They will step in if you die. But I'm just talking about for the daily fee.

8:39 Adam There really should be a service. One to clear the decks for the parents, one for the girlfriend, one for the wife.

8:45 Best Of There is a service, Drew. Drew, weren't you just talking about that service?

8:51 Adam You said you have a service just if you die.

8:53 You mean a daily?

8:54 Best Of Yes.

8:54 Drew Well, that's impractical, Drew, having someone come, cleaning crew come to your house every day. I'm just trying to think, like, you know, if your guy likes to do a mop up using a t-shirt, the t-shirt gets a little skanky and then somebody finds it down in the hamper and it's a lot of DNA over there.

9:13 Best Of Nothing. I'm just saying, you got to, it's kind of tough.

9:16 Drew You know, it kind of looks like a snail made its way across the, you ever go out?

9:22 Adam Not really, you can only use the blow the nose excuse so many times.

9:26 Best Of Yeah, I know.

9:28 Drew You ever go out in, you know, like after it's rained at night or maybe a little dew and you see that snail track going, it sort of glistens a little bit.

9:37 Best Of It's got a little of that. Sure, you have to do about it.

9:43 Adam Anderson is really a lightweight. He's actually puking this time.

9:46 Best Of Yeah, he doesn't like any of the fluid jokes.

9:49 Adam Mike?

9:50 Best Of Yeah.

9:50 Best Of Are you 21?

9:51 Best Of Yeah.

9:52 Best Of What's up?

9:52 Best Of I wanted to ask him for a little career advice. I know it's probably the first time.

9:55 Adam The first time he's given career advice, you're right.

9:59 Best Of I think everything is service marked, trademarked, registered, copyrighted, up to yin and yang these days. I just like to do impressions of hilarious things I've seen from TV, like Crimson and South Park. I don't know if I were to try and get a little improv career going if the minute I step up a few weeks into that foray.

10:17 Adam You mean these days you can't do imitations?

10:21 Of course you can.

10:22 Adam Let's hear a couple.

10:24 Okay Bill, my name is Eric Cobman and everyone calls me Stag but I'm just BigBone and...

10:31 Try to sense if you're more familiar with that.

10:33 Best Of Yeah, no, I look more like Eric Roberts.

10:38 Best Of Let's see, Smithers. Mr. Burns. Mr. Burns, where are you? I can't live without you, Mr. Burns.

10:47 Best Of Oh, that's Smithers. All right.

10:49 Adam I'm a little Ned Flanders.

10:51 Best Of Oh, no, no.

10:52 Drew Do you do a Ned Flanders?

10:54 Best Of I haven't tried before.

10:55 All right, I'll tell you what.

10:56 Best Of You could do that one.

10:58 Drew Don't give us any hints and don't give us any Mr. Burns or anything that's going to give it away. Let's see if we can guess a couple.

11:04 Best Of A random symptoms character?

11:08 Anything you want.

11:10 Best Of We've used up four of them already. We're random. There's three left. No.

11:15 Drew Give us any impression you do and we'll see if we can get it.

11:20 Best Of So the impressions are legal, you're saying?

11:22 Best Of Yes. Don't tell us.

11:27 All right.

11:30 Adam We're lighting up a landscape here.

11:33 Best Of That's all right. We'll have fun. Drew and I have talked amongst ourselves. Boy, this guy sucks. All right, you ready?

11:43 Best Of All right.

11:47 I can't do this.

11:48 Best Of I'm totally shocked.

11:49 Best Of Now hold on, Mike. Hold on, Mike. I'm going to let you get your composure, right?

11:53 Best Of You just want me to keep it from the symptoms or just any impressions?

11:55 Adam Any impressions. We're going to put you on hold first.

11:58 Best Of We'll let you take a few deep breaths. You got a scratch pad?

12:03 Best Of I'm going to brainstorm. I was just like totally surprised.

12:05 Best Of That's all right, buddy boy. We're sorry. We're sorry. We disturbed you at home.

12:09 Drew You need to write down three of your best ones. Don't tell us what they are and know what the plane, the plane or any of that nonsense that gives it away.

12:21 Best Of Gotcha. Anyway, we're going to check back with you in a couple of minutes. All right? All right. Unacceptable. From the Simpsons. Sean?

12:31 Yeah.

12:32 Best Of You're 23?

12:33 I am.

12:33 Adam What's up?

12:35 I've been dating this girl for a little while and she's not much into the sex.

12:39 Adam How long have you been dating her?

12:41 I'm sorry?

12:42 Adam How long have you been dating her?

12:43 Best Of It's been about two months now.

12:44 Adam And how often do you have sex with her?

12:46 It's maybe once a week, if that.

12:49 Adam Maybe she's going a little fast for her.

12:54 That could be, but...

12:55 Adam You're only two months into this relationship. How old is she again?

12:58 She's 18.

12:59 Best Of 18.

13:00 You're 23.

13:01 Adam It could be a little bit...

13:02 Best Of She wouldn't be totally into him either. You think she's India?

13:07 Oh, I know for sure she's India.

13:08 Best Of Of course. How old are you?

13:11 She's already talking about marriage and...

13:14 Best Of Yeah, but she may... All right.

13:17 Drew You're calling from Salt Lake. Is she Mormon?

13:20 She is, unfortunately.

13:21 Adam She's got some issues about that.

13:23 Drew She's got some issues about banging away, about fornicating with 23-year-olds.

13:27 Best Of You know what I'm saying?

13:29 Yeah, that's true.

13:30 Best Of All right, we'll just take it slow.

13:32 Adam John, you need to be more empathic with how she's experiencing things. It's not, jeez, what's up with her? How come she doesn't have sex as much as I do? Find out what she's experiencing.

13:42 Best Of Try to sympathize and empathize with her.

13:45 Best Of Understand things from her point of view. I know she's had some really bad relationships in the past.

13:51 Best Of Trying to figure it out for her.

13:53 Best Of Yeah. Don't try to fix her.

13:55 Adam Just try to see things from her point of view.

13:59 Best Of I want to get back to Mike now.

14:02 Drew I have a question for Mike. Mike. Did you write down any impressions that you do?

14:11 Best Of Those two are like the only show I've ever tried. I've just kind of been frozen on the whole copyright question. I put the carpet for hours too much time, so I've got nothing. I don't want to waste you guys' time.

14:19 Drew Oh, come on, buddy.

14:20 Adam I don't believe it.

14:23 Drew You do Smithers and you do, what was it? Oh, Carpenter.

14:27 Best Of You don't want me to give it away, though, who I'm doing.

14:30 Drew I know. We're supposed to guess.

14:32 Best Of Yeah.

14:32 Drew You only do those two impressions? No.

14:35 Best Of I'm really kind of a perfectionist, so I'd like want to try it into a taste difference.

14:38 See if I even sound like the guy or not.

14:40 Drew Hold on, Mike. I've heard you're Cartman. You're not a perfectionist. No.

14:45 Best Of That's true. I'm kind of latching on to a six-year-old memory.

14:47 Drew Just so you have no other impressions. How about me? Can you do me? Okay, Mike.

14:59 Best Of Screwball.

15:00 Drew Listen. Mike, keep going.

15:02 Best Of Cardo.

15:03 Drew Nice.

15:05 Best Of Do you do construction? Yeah, I bet your boyfriend's in the construction.

15:08 I let you guys speak of the drywalling. Yeah, I got a feel for that.

15:12 Drew It's uncanny, Drew. It's like listening to myself on my answering machine.

15:16 Adam Is that you or Mike?

15:18 Drew Just now? I don't know. Wait a minute, was my mouth moving? Yeah. All right, Mike. So here's the deal. No, but I would say with Mike's uncanny ability to do dead-on impersonations.

15:38 Adam I might try something a little different.

15:39 Drew It would be a crime for him not to be able to do that on stage. So don't get caught up in the legality part of it. You're allowed to go up on stage and do whoever you want. Let's go ahead and do it.

15:51 Adam Is there any place you can go to train with Tommy? Improvisational theaters or anything?

15:56 Drew Mike?

15:57 Best Of You were being sincere, not sarcastic?

15:59 Drew No. Yes.

16:01 Adam He's about to be sincere anyway.

16:03 Drew Here's what I'm saying. You want to do stand-up, right?

16:06 Caller About, yeah.

16:07 Drew So you just got to start doing it.

16:09 Caller All right.

16:10 Drew You'll be bad for 10 years. And then-

16:15 Caller Figure it out.

16:21 Drew I kicked around for a good 10 years. Yeah. So just go start doing open mics.

16:27 Caller But you can't do characters. They'll be sued.

16:28 Drew Do characters.

16:30 Best Of You really can't?

16:31 Caller You can do like personalities that exist, but you can't do characters that have been invented.

16:34 Drew Yeah. You can do characters.

16:35 Best Of Go right ahead.

16:36 Drew I can't do characters.

16:39 Adam Anderson says no.

16:40 Drew And work on one of Anderson. That'll be very ironic. People will be saying, who? Sounds like a dick. All right. Let's talk to Natalie, who's 14. Always, by the way, Drew, there's no street here in Loveline that does not lead into a dead end. We have a little bit of a bummer night, talking to too many chicks who have been raped too many times and molested by their stepdads and mom's boyfriends. So Drew went in there and said, let's lighten it up. Let's take some lighter calls. Well, get the guy, Mike, who on Earth's thing, it says budding comedian, impressionist, does voices. As it turns out, now, Drew, you got a couple of, what kind of dogs do you have?

17:26 Adam Australian Shepherds.

17:27 Drew More range than Mike. They can do a regular shepherd and an Australian shepherd.

17:32 Adam Oh my God, I found our dogs. Our dogs today dug under a fence at the top of that hill where our neighbors are and attacked our neighbors.

17:40 Drew Your neighbors?

17:41 Adam Neighbor lady.

17:42 Drew Attacked the lady? She told you that.

17:45 Adam No, I heard this incredible barking. I thought, is that our dog? I ran out and started calling him. I came under the fence and hurled it from the neighbor.

17:53 Drew Why are they going after your neighbor?

17:54 Adam They're pretty good watch dogs. They kind of go after whatever's at the perimeter.

17:58 Drew This is on the other side of the perimeter.

18:01 Adam They dug under the fence. I don't know what they were thinking.

18:03 Drew What was she? Was she freaking out? Why didn't she run into the house?

18:06 Adam I think she came after him a little something.

18:08 Drew Oh, she did?

18:08 I don't know.

18:10 Drew I did that once. I lived next to this crazy dog that was named Moon. And it was like a half dingo. It was literally...

18:20 Adam Is that where the dingo man came from?

18:22 Drew Dingo boy? But it was literally a half dingo. And it was one of these dogs that had fur that was sort of blue and greasy. And it was a wild dog. And these people lived... They lived... Not our neighbors, but one house over. And they were a crazy screwed up family. And I mean... I know everyone exaggerates and it's good radio and everything. There's no exaggeration here. This dog Moon was a crazed wild dog that was part dingo. That they would just leave on the front... It would just sit out on the front yard. And everyone who went by got chased and everybody got attacked. And it was just... They were just a screwed up family. Just did it. And this dog had tormented me my entire teenage life. And eventually we squared off. Me and the dog in the street. Because I always had this thing where... I don't know where I got this theory. But I had thought that the dog really confronted you. And you sort of... You run. The dogs bite me in the ass and taking you down. But if you square off, you square off. I was probably 16. I got my linebacker stance. Squared off with the dog. The dog took a step forward. I took a step with the dog. I was making noise and flapping my arms and screaming and stomping my foot at it. And the problem with Moon was... He's crazy. Each couple seconds, he was inching closer and closer to me. And eventually he lunged at me. And he grabbed my pant leg as I was sort of stepping back as he lunged at me and pulled my foot out and landed on my ass. And I thought, well, this is it. This is how they'll find me.

19:58 Adam This is a story I've never heard.

19:59 I'm going to be eaten by my neighbor's dog Moon.

20:01 Adam And so what happened?

20:02 Never.

20:03 Adam How did you get him off you?

20:05 Drew He grabbed the leg, knocked me down. I guess my legs were probably flopping around. And that seemed like enough for him. But then there was a good scene. It was like an old Yeller type scene, but in reverse. I came storming up the driveway, tears in my eyes. I was traumatized. My dad, I don't know what he was doing because he never left the house. He was one of these guys where the sunlight hurt him. He didn't actually have that disease, but he had that mentality. He's standing out in the front lawn for God knows what reason. I come up the driveway and he's like, give me that sprinkler key. I grab the sprinkler key. It was the closest weapon I had. And I started out doing Moon. And my dad had to talk me down. Son, don't kill the dog. I'm like, I got to kill Moon. It's a killing Moon.

20:57 Adam Why didn't you?

20:57 Drew Oh, Moon probably would have killed me if I went after him with the sprinkler key or my dad would have got sued or something like that. So anyway, I think someone ended up suing the family.

21:06 Adam Oh, really, for that dog?

21:07 Drew Yeah, it was me and Moon.

21:08 Adam Well, I spent my morning using chicken wire and attaching it to the thing in the hole with that.

21:13 Drew I thought you told me how smart your dogs were.

21:16 Best Of They were. They were so smart.

21:19 Drew Drew, two nights ago we were sitting here during a commercial. You said, you got to get this Australian Shepherd. These dogs are the most obedient dogs in the world. You give them the down. They stay. They heal. Then what? 30 hours later, they tunnel under a fence and attack your elderly neighbor?

21:34 Adam Bizarre. Yeah, I find it... I'm so sort of twisted by it. I don't know how to correct it.

21:39 Drew You let me put them down with a sprinkler key.

21:41 Adam All right, come on over.

21:42 Drew I'll come over. We'll gather the kids around. I'll explain to them that the dogs have done bad. Ask them if they saw that movie Omen, and then explain that I have to put them down using a sprinkler key. All right?

21:58 We'll take a little break.

22:00 Caller We'll be back.

22:27 Drew That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-V-1-9-1. Yeah, it's just me and the Drewskers tonight.

22:36 Caller Drew's coming down off the sugar buzz. Drewskers?

22:39 Caller Popeye?

22:40 Caller Drewskers?

22:44 Drew Drew, I never feel any different. Whatever I eat doesn't affect my feeling. Does it affect your feeling other than a psychological thing?

22:52 Adam I'm either full or I'm hungry. That's one of the other facts.

22:55 Drew I grew up around a bunch of retards. They were always like, oh, I'm riding the sugar high. And then they'd start figuring out rhythms for it. They'd go, if I eat some sugar, man, I go off like a skyrocket. But then I bottom out. Then I bottom out like a half hour land man.

23:11 Caller I just bottom out.

23:11 Adam You know, they've done these studies over and over and over again. They take kids and they have the parents feed them what they think is sugar, and then they compare the differences that the parents report and they can't do it. Can they tell what they think is sugar?

23:28 Caller Of course.

23:29 Drew Here's the deal. If you're depressed, you want to nap. If you feel good, you want to do stuff. That's about it. There's people like, I eat, not all meat, but red meat, red meat. I bottom out. I peak for about 20 minutes, then I bottom out, then I come up a little, but then I flatline after that. One rib.

23:50 Adam How many of the guys fighting in Iraq think we're worried about what they're eating?

23:54 That doesn't look...

23:56 Drew Listen, it's just really, I'm just like a jeep. You put gas, you put kerosene, you put goats, whatever. It just runs. It doesn't really matter. And all the people that buy into all that crap, people who have a fibromyalgia and all this other nonsense, they're just pussies. Angela?

24:17 Yes?

24:17 Drew You're 16? What's up?

24:24 Caller Well, I told the lady something different, but okay, he told me he has bumps on his dick, but it's like a little bit of a bump on his hair, and he says it's from shaving, but they don't look like bumps from shaving.

24:39 Adam They could be molluscum contagiosum, which is they look kind of like zits, but they're little hard things that scrape off.

24:45 Caller Yeah, they look like little bubbles.

24:48 Adam Yeah, that's molluscum contagiosum, and it's a virus, it's a sexually transmitted disease. You will get it if you have sex with them.

24:56 Drew Really? Women get that? You don't hear about it on the ladies so much.

25:01 Caller Absolutely.

25:02 Absolutely what?

25:04 Adam Absolutely the same.

25:05 Caller They look nasty, they look like little bubbles.

25:09 Drew Well, maybe it's herpes or something. Well, herpes can look like little bubbles.

25:13 Adam Well, the bottom line is this guy needs to have his stuff looked at because he is in no position to decide what it is or is not.

25:19 Caller He just says, oh I got him from shaving.

25:23 Adam Angela?

25:23 Caller Yes.

25:24 Adam Are you going to believe that? Are you going to tell him no sex unless he goes get it checked out?

25:28 Drew You know what I love about our callers, don't you? He's got these bumps. He says he got them from shaving but I don't believe him. Angela, you've got to have a doctor take a look at it because the bottom line is unless a doctor sees it, we're not going to be able to tell what they are. He says he got them from shaving. Yeah. What was that? Let's see if we can get it one more time. He said he got them from shaving, right? Well, then you don't have to have a doctor look at them. But then again, you didn't have to call us, did you? Right. What is that? You got the doctor going, well, he's got to have a doctor going to look at them.

26:16 Adam We named two different diseases it could be. He's in no position to tell whether it is or it's not. He doesn't know what the eff it is.

26:22 Drew But maybe Angela makes a compelling point with the says he got them from shaving thing because maybe, I know it sounds like I'm going against my own ridicule here, but maybe he won't see the doctor because he says he got them from shaving.

26:35 Adam Right, that's what he's doing.

26:37 Drew Angela? Yeah, I know, I know. Now this begs question number two. How are you going to get him to see the doctor?

26:43 Adam Loveline, he says it's a molluscum contagiosum or herpes simplex and we're not going to have sex unless you get that thing checked out.

26:51 Drew All right. There you go. Let's do a little role playing, Angela. Now I'm going to give you a role that's easy. It's you. The crayfish. Shut up. It's you. I'm going to be your boyfriend. What's his name? Kyle? Eddie. I'll be Eddie.

27:10 Caller Are you ready?

27:11 Best Of All right.

27:12 Drew Bring.

27:14 Best Of Hello.

27:15 Caller Hello.

27:16 Best Of Hey, baby.

27:26 Caller You need to go to the doctor and get those bumps checked out.

27:29 Drew What are you talking about? That's just from shaving.

27:32 Caller They don't look like they're from shaving. They look pretty nasty.

27:35 Drew What are you? Who are you? That pussy Dr. Drew? Yeah, nasty to you. You barely got your GED. I got my GED.

27:50 Caller Yeah, right, buddy. You didn't even go to school.

27:53 Drew Well, so what? I still know what a shaving rash is, and I say that's a shaving rash. Now, come on over.

28:14 Caller No.

28:14 Drew Remember the whole part where you were saying you were going to call Loveline?

28:18 Adam Lord Byron right there.

28:21 Caller I was supposed to say to call Loveline?

28:25 Drew You say. Here's the thing. This is by the way why OJ went free because there was a chick prosecuting attorney. Angela? You need to tell him two things. You called Loveline and Drew said he needed to see a doctor. Number two, no sex. All right, you ready? Wait, repeat it back. Now, let's just try it again. Hello? Hey, baby. Come over here. Let me give you some sex.

29:01 Caller How about you call Loveline and talk about... Cut. Let's...

29:07 Drew Wait.

29:08 I thought that you said...

29:09 Drew No, no. No, you thought that because you misunderstood me the first time around.

29:14 Adam Angela, you ever heard of the Holocaust?

29:17 Caller No.

29:20 Drew Really? Never heard of the Holocaust?

29:23 Caller I never heard of that.

29:25 Adam What else can we ask her about? No, no.

29:29 Best Of No, no.

29:30 Adam No, no.

29:31 Drew The Holocaust... You know why? You heard of Hitler, right?

29:39 Best Of It's longer her.

29:41 Adam It's her buddy.

29:43 Drew Anyway, I don't want to do another role playing thing.

29:46 Adam Weren't you going to incorporate the Holocaust into it?

29:48 Drew No.

29:49 Adam No. Too much, huh?

29:50 Drew We, we, we struggled with that before. Just, just don't have sex with him. You know, it's funny. I noticed that another thing happens on this show. People misunderstand you at some point in the conversation.

30:05 Adam They cling to it.

30:06 Drew And they say, you want him to call Loveline? And you go, no, no, no, no. I want you to tell him you called Loveline and Dr. Drew said the following. And you go, okay. And then ten seconds later, they go, all right, I'll tell him to call Loveline. And it's like, oh, that was your idea. Remember? We never, we never said that. It's sort of like when Bugs Bunny got Daffy Duck to tell Melmer Fudd, shoot me now. Alan?

30:37 Yeah.

30:38 Drew You're 19?

30:39 Caller Yeah.

30:39 Drew What's up?

30:40 Caller I just want to say, I've been trying to call you guys for about a year now. And every time I do, I say, yeah, my name's Alan. I can't take your call. But I'm 19. I've been in a relationship. Hold on.

30:50 Drew Hold on. Every time you get through, you say your name and they say, we can't take your call?

30:56 Caller Pretty much.

30:57 Drew Why are you on now?

30:58 Caller Different person answers.

31:03 Adam Same people are sitting there.

31:04 Drew Same people sitting there have been there for the last year.

31:07 Caller I always get a girl by the time I got a guy.

31:10 Drew Well, it's kind of coming into focus now.

31:13 Caller I'm a bitch.

31:14 Drew Go ahead.

31:15 Caller All right. I'm 19. I've been in a relationship with a girl for three years. We're engaged to be married right now. And we're living together. I've had experiences with bisexual experiences in my life, but I'm not really attracted to men. But I am attracted to like hermaphrodites and transvestites. And I just wanted to know what could be causing that. Could that be because one of my first sexual experiences was with a guy or?

31:43 Adam Yeah, you were probably like eight years old or something, right?

31:46 Caller I was about, yeah, I was about like nine or ten.

31:48 Adam How many Likudos are picking that?

31:51 Best Of Yeah, a mile.

31:52 Adam And then this scrambles the wiring that's developing in your brain in terms of the sort of trajectory of sexual orientation. It makes it sort of confused and the sort of an arousal pattern develops that wasn't supposed to have been there.

32:04 Drew How do you get into hermaphrodites? Where do you find them these days?

32:09 Caller Well, I read a lot of Japanese anime and stuff like that. And in Japan, it's kind of a big thing over there. It's like, you know, their gods are hermaphrodites and it's kind of a very big sexual thing.

32:18 Drew Ooh.

32:21 Caller I don't know. I just kind of always liked that since about 11 or 12.

32:26 Drew Hold on a second. Calling all nerds. That's super nerd. When you start getting into that Japanese animation...

32:34 Adam It's masturbating to it.

32:36 Drew When you start beating off the drawings and you're not in prison, that is super nerd-dom right there. And you're not even beating off to the physical form, you're beating off to the craftsmanship of the drawing.

32:50 Adam No.

32:51 Drew I'm convinced.

32:52 Adam No, he likes the multisexual being.

32:55 Drew Alan?

32:56 Caller Yeah.

32:58 Adam The fantasy is what it is.

32:59 Caller I started off with the drawings, but I mean I started looking at real females and transvestites.

33:04 Adam All right, well be that as it may, you've got some wiring issues, some confusion about your sexual identity.

33:11 Drew What do you do for a living?

33:14 Adam You don't feel like you're what?

33:16 Caller I don't feel like I'm homosexual. Because I definitely am very attracted to women also.

33:20 Adam They just sort of, they got to have a male genitalia.

33:24 Caller Right.

33:24 Drew He beats off to Johnny Sacco, he's not gay.

33:27 Adam Are you afraid of female genitalia? Do they evoke anxiety or anything?

33:31 Caller No. Well, previously to this girl, yes, because I had some bad experiences.

33:36 Adam With vaginas?

33:38 Caller Not some nice vaginas.

33:39 But in this, with this girl.

33:41 Adam What did they attack? What did the vaginas do to you?

33:44 Caller Well, okay. When I was 13 years old, one of the first girls I had a sexual experience with tied me to the bed and got me naked and I was on the impression we're going to have sex. I mean, instead of having sex with me, she pretty much, first she mashed her vagina in my face and then she left the room and came back with everybody else who lived in her apartment and they all took pictures of me and laughed at me and humiliated me and she peed on me.

34:11 Drew Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

34:15 Adam While the neighborhood watched, she peed on you?

34:18 Caller Well, just the people. She lived in an apartment with like, she had roommates and they all came to her room and watched.

34:23 Adam And watched her pee on you.

34:25 Caller Right.

34:25 Adam Where did you meet this person? This is getting more and more interesting all the time.

34:29 Drew At Debbie Town Ball.

34:30 Caller I don't know if I can say it on the air, but I met her at Denny's Restaurant.

34:33 Drew I think you can say that. Why not? And was she much older than you?

34:38 Caller Yeah, she was like 20, 23 or 24.

34:40 Adam So she was, it was a criminal act then?

34:46 Drew If it was done to a, listen, if it was a 22 year old guy doing it to a 13 year old girl, Oh my God. It'd be a criminal act. This is just a serious goof on. You know what I mean?

34:55 Caller No, I mean, yeah, it was definitely not cool of her. She took advantage of me, I feel, but like...

34:59 Drew Was she good looking?

35:02 Caller She was okay.

35:03 Caller She wasn't, you know, she wasn't...

35:04 Drew She wasn't ultra supermodel hot?

35:06 Caller Right, she was just okay. And I found out later...

35:08 Caller You don't use...

35:10 Drew Where did she pee on you? Your chest, face, groin?

35:14 Caller Kind of just everywhere, mostly on my face.

35:16 Drew And she sort of got and kind of straddled you?

35:21 Caller She kind of like stood up on the bed over me.

35:22 Drew And it was her bed, right?

35:24 Caller Yeah.

35:25 Drew So she just kind of whizzed all over her bed?

35:28 Caller Pretty much.

35:30 Drew Pardon me for laughing, but...

35:32 Caller No, no, I mean, I can laugh, but I don't hold a resentment sword anymore.

35:36 Drew I know. No. It's all good.

35:40 Caller But I don't know if, in reference to the transvestite thing, could the utter absence of a mother and any female presence in my life and my entire life have anything to do with that?

35:52 Adam Yes.

35:53 Drew Okay, so I know.

35:54 Adam A lot of stuff going on.

35:54 Drew In summaries, a lot of stuff to go on.

35:56 Adam Abandonment, abuse, the trifecta.

35:58 Drew Here's what you need.

35:59 Adam And some nutball peeing on you.

36:01 Drew You ready? Yeah. You need a therapist, and she needs to be a female therapist.

36:06 Adam Female therapist.

36:07 Drew Female therapist, and do not get married for a little while. You're 19, for Christ sakes.

36:12 Adam And listen, that has to be a therapist you're sort of not attracted to and you don't like. Because if it's somebody that he really finds, oh, this person fits with me, not good.

36:23 Not good.

36:24 Adam Just somebody who knows what they're doing is what you're going to do with them.

36:27 Drew Let's ask real quick, real quick. Kim? You were listening to the show last night when I was saying I haven't let a good fart go in about three months.

36:35 Yeah.

36:36 Drew It's breaking my heart. I know. And I've been eating anything and everything. No smell has come forth from my ass in months.

36:44 Adam I like Kim's empathy too. It's like, I know it.

36:47 Drew It's rough. And especially when you used to be on top. You know what I mean? People respected you. They looked up to you.

36:55 Adam Now you're a pushover.

36:56 Drew It's nothing. I got nothing. I'm a paper line.

36:59 Okay. Well, I got something that will work.

37:02 Drew This better be good.

37:03 It is. I know it works because I got chewed out by my mom last night. It's not me. Sugarless candy. Yeah. My dad's a diabetic.

37:16 Adam Is this Orbitrol candy?

37:19 I don't know. I bought it at a candy store and it was a peanut butter cup and something with nuts in it.

37:28 Drew It's just crazy enough to work. But if I go down and find some dietetic candy and take it and a poof of air comes out of my ass with no scent attached to it, I'm going to come looking for you, Kim. Really?

37:40 Yeah.

37:42 Drew That was you?

37:43 Tell me not. I can't buy him that anymore.

37:45 Drew What are you doing?

37:45 Adam Oh, he's had the action.

37:47 Yeah.

37:47 Oh, no, no, no, no.

37:49 Drew No, no. Yeah, but a peanut butter cup with no sugar and it's not going to give me anything good.

37:56 Adam No. Pasta Fazul.

37:59 Drew That's Jimmy's dish. Yeah. I got to get a good gans dish. Please call in if you know a good gans dish.

38:06 Adam You have to experiment. Everybody's different.

38:08 Drew I'm trying everything. I'm getting nothing. Nothing. Take a break.

38:12 Best Of We'll be back. Let's go. Hey, everybody, Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-1-9-1. Drew's got his headphone cords hooked up in his chair, so sounds good.

38:55 Drew All right, we're out here now, Wilmington, North Carolina. Drew is, he's on the move. He's looking at sites. He wants to know when things were built. He wants to know what year the statues went up and who they're of, and nobody seems to care but him. Now, he can't get his chair over the carpet. Oh, the carpet, he's stuck. But this happens every time I travel with Drew. He's, oh, hey, what is this? And we're driving the van. Oh, look at this building. What is this? Some sort of town hall?

39:29 Adam Just George Washington slept there, right?

39:32 Drew Yeah, look at that statue. Who is this guy? Some sort of Civil War general?

39:37 Adam I just, I'm so amazed by the people in the South that they have like zero, it's like a Civil War? What, huh?

39:44 Drew I told you, Drew, it's a fresh wound that has not healed yet. It's uncomfortable, you bringing it up. A lot of them have relatives, you know, fresh in the grave from this war. You gotta mind your etiquette, Drew. All right, who are we talking to?

40:00 Adam Remember it was Phil.

40:02 Drew Oh yeah, the disappointing Phil. So Phil.

40:05 Adam Dynamic Phil.

40:06 Drew Yes. Phil, you cannot finish the job anymore sexually and you were able to a few years ago.

40:14 Caller I have been able to up to about six months ago, right?

40:18 Drew Oh, okay.

40:18 Adam What changed six months ago? Medication?

40:21 Caller No, nothing like that.

40:24 Drew You have a steady girl?

40:26 Caller Yeah, we've been together almost five years now.

40:29 Best Of Hmm.

40:31 Drew Now, how are your feelings for her? Have they changed?

40:33 Caller No, not at all. We're, I'm gonna propose to her probably in the next few months here.

40:38 Adam Maybe that's what you're freaking out about.

40:40 Drew I think you're nervous?

40:43 Caller No, not at all. I mean, it's just kind of something that happened unexpectedly. It happens more when I wear a condom.

40:50 Adam All right, makes sense.

40:52 Caller Right.

40:53 Drew What, why are you wearing a condom after five years?

40:56 Caller Well, just like if she's on antibiotics and she can't take the pill or something like that.

40:59 Adam Very good, very good. Well done.

41:02 Drew So it happens more. So all right, that makes sense. It's sort of a sensitivity thing.

41:06 Adam Is the fact that it happened kind of make you anxious and preoccupied about it happening again?

41:10 Caller Sort of, or like during it, I'll be thinking like after a while, it's like I'll start thinking about it and then it's just, I think that kind of-

41:18 Adam Yeah, that makes it worse.

41:20 Drew Yeah.

41:20 Adam No medicine, nothing.

41:22 Caller No.

41:22 Adam No vitamins, supplements, anything?

41:24 Caller No, nothing like that.

41:26 Drew What about when you masturbate? How's that going?

41:29 Caller Once a day, like clockwork, no problem.

41:31 Adam Why don't you hold off on that, huh? Hold off for about a week and then watch what happens.

41:36 Drew Yep, Mount St. Helens.

41:38 Adam There you go, good times. Problem solved.

41:40 Drew Yeah, start spelling Phil with an F.

41:42 Adam I like that, yeah, he's filled, yeah.

41:45 Drew Yeah.

41:45 Adam Really filled, not Phil.

41:47 Drew Yeah, all right, Drew. You knew the joke, though, jackass.

41:50 Adam You know what I like about guys like Phil, though? It's like, hey, here's the solution. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute here.

41:56 Drew Once a day, like clockwork. Yeah, all right, so stop that and figure that out. It's all good, though.

42:03 Adam 27.

42:03 Caller Now what happened here?

42:05 Drew You didn't punch him up.

42:06 Adam Yeah, Nathan?

42:07 Caller Yes.

42:09 Drew What's going on?

42:11 Caller Drew, Adam, I was gonna say I love you guys.

42:15 Drew Oh, thanks, Nathan.

42:17 Adam Good times.

42:20 Caller I've been dating my girlfriend for about two years now. And just like in the last six months, I've not been physically or sexually attracted to her. I don't know. I honestly don't know. But I see like other girls, like in the mall or at work or at stores or something, I'm actually physically and sexually attracted to them.

42:44 Adam So you're not in your girlfriend?

42:45 Caller Not in my girlfriend, no.

42:47 Adam You're not into her, though?

42:48 Caller Yeah, I mean, I'm not into her anymore.

42:51 Adam You're done.

42:51 Drew It's over.

42:54 Caller Well, I know, but I mean, I've been with her for about two years. I mean, how could you possibly be?

43:01 Drew Listen, as you get a little more seasoned, like Dr. Drew over here, you start to realize that things have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Jobs, schooling, relationships, friends, and intimate relationships, too. So maybe this has reached the end part of the trilogy.

43:22 Adam Is this your first long-term relationship?

43:27 Caller No, I've had like a couple others.

43:29 Adam Did you have trouble ending those?

43:32 Caller No, because they actually got ended on me.

43:35 Adam They cheated, yeah. Well, here's the deal. It's your turn. For whatever reason, this relationship has sort of run out of steam for you.

43:42 Drew Well, unless something that she'd pack on a bunch of weight or she'd get burned by acid or something.

43:48 Caller No, that's not it. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I like being with her, you know, her attitude and what we do together. You know, I mean, we hang out together and stuff like that. But when it comes down to intimacy and being attracted, it just isn't there.

44:08 Drew Are you living with her? We are. Well, that's tough. You guys in an apartment?

44:16 Caller Yeah, we're in an apartment.

44:18 Drew Yeah, someone may have to move out. Yeah, is she going to freak out, you think?

44:26 Caller Yeah, because she was sexually abused when she was younger. Good boy. And really low self-esteem and everything.

44:34 Drew Well, tell her you went gay. That's really...

44:38 Caller Adam, Adam, Adam, I'm not like that.

44:40 Drew Well, I'm telling you, if you care about the girl's feelings, you'll tell her you're gay. That's all I'm saying. But look, if you're not into her... All right, Anderson, get rid of Nathan, would you please? If you're not into this person, you're not doing them any favors, even if they were sexually abused or they're fragile emotionally, you're still not doing them any favors by just killing time with them.

45:03 No, not at all.

45:03 Drew There is somebody out there that's into them. And they need to find that person, and that person's not you. Hi, Drew, we gonna take a break?

45:11 Yes.

45:11 Drew All right, we'll be right back.

45:13 Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up? 877-889-DATE.

45:51 Hey everybody, it's Love Line.

45:56 Drew Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. All right, let's get to the phones. I feel like I'm in a Volkswagen commercial whenever that plays.

46:07 Adam It has that sound in it. Fischer's Spooner.

46:13 Drew Fischer's Spooner.

46:14 Did...

46:15 Drew What's it gonna say? You know, it seems like most... I don't have anything funny to say about this, but a lot of car commercials aim toward the younger crowd these days. Lots of 20-year-olds buying their cars.

46:29 Adam Civics and VWs and...

46:31 Drew Yeah. Mitsubishi has a lot of that. Just sort of younger people out enjoying the car. Honda's doing that with that new van and stuff, whatever that thing is. I don't remember that back in the day. It used to be Ricardo Montemán would get up there and talk to your dad... About this car, medallions in the taillights. You know it's a finely crafted automobile. There's plastic that blooms. It's stuck in the taillights. But it just seemed like commercials, or maybe I was just young and thought a 22-year-old guy was an old man. But it just seemed like cars were... They went toward dads, not like college kids.

47:16 Adam It's interesting. The cars cost eight times as much now, too.

47:19 Drew Yeah, but relatively...

47:21 Adam Still a lot.

47:22 Drew Still a lot? Really?

47:24 Adam $8,000 used to be a tremendous price for a car.

47:28 Drew Yeah, they're 18 grand, but the minimum wage is like eight bucks, whereas it was $1.65, so it's going up 600 percent.

47:45 Caller Your voices are like old.

47:50 Adam Dave, what's up? 34.

47:51 Caller Not much, but you're right. I'll tell you, a grocery bagger can't afford to spend 20 grand on a car.

47:57 Adam Yeah, that's what it seems to me.

47:59 Caller It's very expensive. I don't know. They need to rethink their ads. They need to go back for debt.

48:04 Drew Yeah, they got a bunch of... And you know the other thing too is all the guys that are driving the cool cars are slacker snowboarders. It's like they do these commercials like me and Toby and Scooter and Nickel. We all hopped in our new Ford or new Hun and we did a road trip and we stopped here and we met these chicks and I'm like, where do you stoner slackers get 22 grand?

48:30 Caller Well.

48:31 Best Of All right, Dave.

48:33 Caller I've been married for nine years, been with the same girl, we dated for like four years even before that. Been together with her forever since she was out of high school. And you know, I mean, we're young people or you know, we've experimented with other partners and so forth, whatever, guys and girls, you know, I've had...

48:52 Adam South Florida or Northern Florida?

48:54 Caller Northern Florida.

48:55 Adam Northern Florida.

48:56 Drew Cold.

48:57 Caller We have a winter here.

48:58 Drew And you said you've done some swinging with guys and girls?

49:02 Caller Yeah, with friends of ours, you know, just to mix it up a little bit, whatever.

49:05 Drew Do the guys have sex with your wife?

49:08 Caller Yes. No?

49:09 Drew No problems there, huh?

49:10 Caller No, not at all. Who?

49:11 Drew What are you doing usually?

49:13 Caller Well, you know, we're involved, both, you know, two guys and a girl, there's, you know, one guy's doing one thing, another guy's...

49:21 Drew Right. Oh, so you're not just fanning with the town like a corner man or anything?

49:26 Caller No, not at all. That's my question. When we've had some of her girlfriends over, that's what she's doing.

49:34 Drew She's just hanging out, watching.

49:36 Caller Yeah.

49:37 Adam And... Does she get upset that you're with the girls?

49:39 Caller No, not at all. But I just...

49:41 Adam I don't believe it.

49:42 Caller I'm just a little curious. You know, I know she's not bisexual or she's, you know, she's totally straight, both of her totally straight, but I don't know if it's whether she just is embarrassed to maybe do something that she, you know, maybe she might feel embarrassed if I saw her with another woman or...

50:01 Adam Well, she doesn't want to be with a woman.

50:03 Caller Well, see, that's my thing. But I think she does. That's the whole, that's the whole thing.

50:07 Drew You think she does.

50:08 Caller Well, I... That's right. I've been, I know this woman like the back of my hand.

50:13 Drew No, no. I mean, it's like when I was young, I knew Wonder Woman wanted me. I used to watch the TV. I could tell she was looking at me.

50:19 Adam We met in your barbeau finally.

50:21 Drew I mean, I... No, but Dave, here's what I'm saying. When there is your wife and there's another guy you've brought into the bedroom, you're not cupping the guy's nuts. You're doing stuff with your wife. So now we swap out the guy for a girl and she's doing something with you. Shouldn't your wife be doing stuff with you?

50:44 Adam Why do you insist that she do something with the girl?

50:46 Caller I don't insist at all. I'm just curious as to, I just wanted input from you guys and maybe, yeah, she very well may not want to do anything.

50:56 Adam Here's the reality. This is the reality. Reality is she doesn't want to do anything with the girl because if she were into it, she'd do it and she has lots of feelings about you being with the girl but is just biting a hole in her god damn lip. I guarantee it.

51:09 Drew Well wait a minute Mr. Intuition. You're the guy who a second ago says you know she wants to be with a woman yet she just stands there and doesn't capitalize on it.

51:19 Caller She's there but she doesn't ever like doing, you know.

51:22 Drew Well why wouldn't she do something with a woman if you know she wants to do something with a woman?

51:27 Caller I think that maybe she would, she thinks that maybe I would think that's weird or something.

51:33 Drew Really? The guy who stands by while another guy nails his wife?

51:37 Adam And the guy who was encouraging her to go with the woman who can't wait to see her do something with a woman?

51:42 Caller I've never tried to encourage her. I'm just curious as to that I just have a feeling that she might want to maybe try it sometime.

51:49 Adam And you've never said that to her?

51:50 Yeah, I have.

51:52 Adam Okay, obviously that's what I'm talking about.

51:54 Caller She always, she doesn't have a lot to say about it.

51:57 Adam Yeah, she's not into it. Even though you're urging her on, she's not into it because the whole thing is not working for her, I guarantee you. She is biting a hole in her lip and somehow or another this will out, something will come of this.

52:09 Caller We haven't done anything in a long time.

52:11 Drew You guys don't, you don't have kids, do you?

52:14 Caller We do, we have one.

52:14 Drew Alright, well that's enough. That's enough now.

52:17 Caller Well, we haven't done anything since the child has been here.

52:21 Drew Okay, good. I'm guessing also one of the reasons you're not doing anything is she's not a big fan of this.

52:28 Caller Yeah. Well, that's cool. Good for me.

52:31 Drew Alright, good times. Alright, thanks Dave. The guys are very good at it. Well, yeah, but it's all, it's not only is it a denial, it's a sort of imposed scenario.

52:45 Adam Yeah. Yeah, it's their reality or no reality.

52:47 Drew I know she wants to be with a woman, yet she stands by every time a woman comes into the bedroom and doesn't get involved.

52:54 Adam It must be about me. That must be about me too. It must be that she's afraid that she'll think that I freak out if I'll see her with a woman.

53:02 Drew Yeah, even though you've encouraged her to be with a woman.

53:04 Adam And you know it was not sort of a light encouragement either.

53:07 Drew Yeah.

53:08 Adam Because he's busting out wanting her to do it. She knows that.

53:11 Drew I know. And look, that is, when you're standing by while your husband's going to town with one of your friends, I would call that a form of protest.

53:22 Adam She's saying the Lord's Prayer or something. She's begging the God for the strength to get through this.

53:26 Caller All right, the Lord's Prayer.

53:28 Drew Aren't all prayers the Lord's Prayer? Why does he need it? Does he need it as a specific one? Is that, God is my shepherd, I'll let that say go through the valley of death? That's a good one. Fear no evil?

53:41 Adam That's the one she should be saying, yeah.

53:43 Drew Now, which one is that?

53:44 Adam Something out of the Bible.

53:46 Drew That's not the Lord's Prayer, though. All right. Amanda?

53:49 Yeah.

53:50 Drew You're 17?

53:50 Caller Yes, I am.

53:51 Drew What's up?

53:54 Caller Dr. Drew, I was born with hepatitis B. My dad, I guess, got it from when he was in Vietnam War. He told my mother he had gotten it from eating off a man's fork. My dad is bisexual, so I'm guessing he got it through sex.

54:08 Adam That's a good bet.

54:08 Drew Maybe he just mispronounced fork.

54:12 Caller Well, my dad is Norwegian, so it's possible.

54:16 Drew He was forking this guy in the ass.

54:25 Caller Adam, I also want to say to you that I'm very jealous of your wife.

54:29 Drew Yeah.

54:30 Caller Yeah, you sound very hot, so.

54:33 Drew You should see me sometime.

54:35 Caller I wish I could, but I think you're all the way down in California and I'm all the way up in Seattle.

54:39 Drew Yeah, but you got a television, right?

54:42 Caller Yeah, actually I do. I've just never tried watching your show. I just never thought of it before.

54:46 Drew Never? You have any idea what I look like?

54:49 Caller No, but I'm guessing you're about...

54:50 Adam You didn't see us back in the MTV days?

54:55 Caller No, this is my guess on him. He's about 5'6, short, medium brown hair, falling towards the back.

55:02 Adam Bingo.

55:02 Drew Bingo. Wait, hold on.

55:04 Adam Are you balding?

55:04 Drew What's balding towards the back mean?

55:06 Like the size...

55:07 Drew Hold on, shut up.

55:08 Caller What's balding towards the back mean?

55:09 Like a fryer?

55:11 Small circle.

55:12 Drew Small circle in the back, okay.

55:13 Best Of All right, keep going.

55:15 Caller Let's see. Semi-muscular.

55:19 Adam So far she describes somebody very hot.

55:20 Caller Very good looking body.

55:21 Best Of What kind of body?

55:22 Caller Very good looking.

55:23 Drew Good looking body.

55:25 Caller And basically, I don't know.

55:27 Drew What color? What coloring? Color hair?

55:30 Caller Color eyes?

55:31 Caller Kind of short.

55:33 Drew Short hair, yeah. Eyebrows? Oh, blue eyes. Eyebrows?

55:37 Caller Some eye bushy.

55:40 Drew Eyebrows, of course Drew, you let her.

55:43 Caller How good was I?

55:44 Drew Well, you missed everything. It's ear off. Yeah, and everything. It's pretty far off. Pretty far off.

55:50 Caller Well, that's my dream.

55:51 Drew I don't look bad naked, though, but I'm 6'2.

55:54 Caller I always think of you that way in my dreams.

55:56 Drew You think 5'6, huh?

55:58 Caller Yeah.

55:58 Drew Why short guy?

56:00 Adam We always get short.

56:00 Caller You're not that short, because I'm only 5'7.

56:02 Adam No, you're 6'2.

56:04 Caller Really?

56:05 Drew I know. I'm asking why.

56:10 Caller I guess I could put you in that little, okay, you know how you guys say, like, when girls were molested at young ages, they sound like a little kid? Well, tall guys, if they, like, have a short personality, they sound short, I guess.

56:23 Drew Whatever. Hold on a second. Wait, wait. Sometimes I think to myself when I'm driving home, what if you, what if they find someone who can do this job better than you, what if they pull you off the air, maybe you're not so good, and then people call the show in and I just relax. Like, people call this show, not only cannot convey a thought, they cannot convey their own thoughts, which is an interesting thing. Like it's one thing to be able to describe the principles of flight, it's another thing to just describe what you're thinking.

56:59 Adam Absolutely.

57:00 Drew Yeah. I mean, Amanda, as you know, there's these guys who are tall, but they have the short sounding voice. Short sounding voice, balding in the back.

57:11 Caller Just slightly. But anyways, can I get back to my question?

57:14 Drew Yes, please. All right. But you don't, you're not interested. Well, yeah, I got it. No, wait a minute. I'm still fascinated. A, you're not interested in if you're right or wrong in your description at all. I'm really interested in you.

57:27 Adam See how that works?

57:28 Drew B, it could be, you could very easily find out what I look like.

57:33 Caller I could.

57:33 Drew Couldn't you?

57:34 Adam On the web? Just look up Loveline on the web or Adam Carolla on the web, right?

57:39 Caller Yeah, I never knew that.

57:42 Caller Okay, but can I get back to my question?

57:43 Drew Sorry, sorry. Okay.

57:45 Caller I was born with hepatitis B and I was told that it can be transmitted through saliva, vaginal secretions, semen.

57:52 Adam Yeah, it's very contagious. Very contagious.

57:55 Caller Whatever. But, okay, which is more contagious, through vaginal secretions or through saliva?

58:01 Adam Well, vaginal secretions in that you're having much more intimate contact with vaginal secretions.

58:08 Caller Yes.

58:08 Adam It's not as though there's more virus there than I'm aware of.

58:11 Caller Okay, because, like, I don't know, I've been very sexually interactive for the last two years.

58:16 Drew So, there's 50 guys in two years.

58:18 Caller Over that, possibly, I don't know.

58:20 Adam And you haven't told any of these guys?

58:22 Caller I've told a few and the few that I've told don't really care.

58:25 Adam Oh, you've got to call, like, Infection Control. You've got to call the County Health Department.

58:30 Drew Syphoid Mary.

58:32 Adam This is serious.

58:33 Caller One guy I was with, he thought that, you know, he wanted to be with me the rest of his life and I keep getting moved away from him. And he says he doesn't care because he wants me to be with him for the rest of his life.

58:45 Adam You have chronic hepatitis B?

58:47 Drew That's one guy out of the 49.

58:49 Caller I'm a carrier.

58:50 Adam So, you don't have active hepatitis?

58:52 Caller Not that I know of.

58:53 Adam You have chronic, what's called chronic persistent hepatitis?

58:55 Caller Yeah.

58:55 Adam We used to call it that.

58:56 Drew Hold on a second though. I'm sorry, Drew. I mean, I got a bunch of questions. Amanda, what's happened to you? What's wrong? Were you a drug addict? Are you a drug addict?

59:07 Caller No, actually, I only just started drinking on my 17th birthday. Other than that, I don't do anything.

59:11 Adam Also not a good idea with your hepatitis, right?

59:14 Caller Um, no, but I don't drink actively. I drink socially every once in a while.

59:18 Drew And did you get placed in foster homes or anything like that?

59:22 Caller Yeah, actually, I was at eight years old. And also to answer your other question, which I know that you're going to ask me, I was molested at three years old by the same man that transmitted the disease to me. Your dad? Yeah.

59:32 Drew Yeah.

59:33 Caller At three years old at a public pool.

59:35 Drew Just one time?

59:36 Caller Um, as far as I know.

59:38 Drew How much, how much work can you get done at a public pool?

59:43 Caller He was changing me. I was told that it was with a pencil. That's what I told my mom, I guess. But I don't know. Um, she said that she found out that I was molested because after being penetrated, I was bleeding profusely.

59:55 Adam Oh my God.

59:56 Drew With, with a pencil?

59:57 Caller Yeah. She said that's how it happened. While he was changing me after playtime with my sisters.

1:00:04 Drew At a public pool?

1:00:05 Caller Yeah.

1:00:06 Adam He put a pencil inside you?

1:00:07 Caller Yeah. That's what I was told.

1:00:09 Drew In one time.

1:00:10 Caller It might have been his penis. I don't, I'm not positive. That's what I want to try to find my dad. Um, to try to get this straightened out. But I have no way to find him because he's, uh, registered as so. I have no way to find him at all.

1:00:23 Drew He's registered as what?

1:00:24 Caller Sex offender.

1:00:27 Drew Uh, yeah. Well, you know, I, I, I wouldn't pursue finding dad.

1:00:32 Adam No, would not. But what, do you see a hepatologist, a liver specialist?

1:00:36 Caller I have.

1:00:37 Drew Hold on a second. Maybe there's another with the, again, with the Norwegian thing. Maybe he was trying to say penis.

1:00:44 Adam And he came out his pencil?

1:00:45 Drew Yes. Yes, I, I violated my daughter with my penis. And he was trying to say penis. You see, Drew, it looks like he was trying to say the F word earlier. And it came out, it came out fork. Oh, a man is a mess, though. Where's your mom?

1:01:03 Caller My mom is in Cloverdale. But no, I was, I told my mom what had happened. I guess I had seen.

1:01:09 Drew I know. But how did your mom lose custody of you?

1:01:12 Caller Because she was a big drug addict. When I was growing up with her, I was taken away at eight years old.

1:01:17 Drew All right. So I'm going to let Drew talk to you about hepatitis for 10 seconds. But let me first say this.

1:01:23 Caller Okay.

1:01:24 Drew Amanda, you've been through a lot.

1:01:25 Caller Yes, I have.

1:01:26 Drew And you're smart.

1:01:27 Caller Thank you.

1:01:28 Drew But maybe not as smart as you think you are. And you're doing a ton of acting out. A ton. And you got to slow down.

1:01:36 Adam But you're harming people. I mean, you're really, you're a dangerous weapon at this point.

1:01:42 Caller Well, I don't know. I mean, I was in a treatment center for five years.

1:01:45 Adam Amanda, a certain percentage of these guys are going to die of liver disease. Right? And some of them may get what's called a fulminant hepatitis. They may get really sick. They may already have been really sick.

1:01:56 Caller Most of them probably already have a form of hepatitis because they're all shooters.

1:02:00 Adam That's hep C. You add in hep B, that's bad news. So look, get, maybe you can get the hepatitis to be eradicated. Maybe you're going to see a hepatologist and really get the interferon going and the ribovirin and all this stuff. There are ways to try to eradicate the hepatitis.

1:02:15 Caller I was told that it naturally leaves the system, but I've now had it for 17 years.

1:02:19 Adam No, it's not going to be with you.

1:02:21 Drew Alright, but Amanda, you've got to get some therapy and you've got to stop acting out. No more sex for a while.

1:02:28 Caller The reason why I have sex so much is because I was basically taught that I'm not having sex, I'm showing love to somebody.

1:02:35 Drew I know you got screwed up. I'm telling you to stop acting screwed up.

1:02:40 Adam And you really should know.

1:02:42 Drew Well try harder, would you please?

1:02:43 Adam You should notify your county health department. Because they've got to contact these guys and make sure they don't then go out and spread it to another fifty people, each of them.

1:02:52 Drew I'd just like to take a man to stand and just ram an M80 up his ass. I really would. You know why? Because these guys create these and I know that sounds horrible but I mean you create these these things and then you unleash them on society.

1:03:13 Adam Well mom played a little role here too.

1:03:15 Drew Mom needs a nice, ass kicking, she needs a nice hepatitis douching herself with followed up by an M80 as well. She needs a hepatitis douche with an M80 tampon. Do they make those, colorful, artistic, do they make novelty tampons?

1:03:32 Adam Exploding tampon?

1:03:33 Drew Well you know they make those uh... they make those uh... loads you put in the cigarettes they blow up you know? It seems like they could do one of those.

1:03:41 Adam Exploding tampons that have like... make sound effects.

1:03:43 Drew You know when you pull them out? I think they do that anyway Drew. Alright so Amanda just stop and listen all you horribly effed up people out there. I'm sorry for what happened to you and I know your way of showing love is getting affection is... okay stop it. You're spreading hepatitis all over North America. Jesus Christ. Maria? You're seventeen? Alright hold on a second.

1:04:12 Adam Got that voice.

1:04:13 Drew Yeah I can't take her right now. We'll get to her. This guy's sucking on nitrous.

1:04:17 Adam Take a break.

1:04:18 Drew Hold on. Michael? Michael?

1:04:23 Adam Who is asleep? Hear him?

1:04:25 Drew Well maybe he got too much nitrous.

1:04:26 Adam Absolutely. There he is.

1:04:33 Drew Sucks nitrous oxide out of a balloon to get high. How bad is this? Well?

1:04:42 Adam We have a little example of it here.

1:04:45 Drew I was trying to eat some nitrous at the dentist on Monday, but it wasn't taken. Drew, what can I do about that?

1:04:51 Caller Hey Adam? When I wave and I'm saying it's like 10, 20, it's time to go to break, and you just ignore me and you go to another call, what is that?

1:04:59 Drew I'm just not interested.

1:05:01 Caller It's time to go to break though.

1:05:03 Drew I know, but I'm looking at the clock and it's 11, it's 11, 20 and 39 seconds.

1:05:09 Caller We're supposed to go to break at 11, 20.

1:05:11 Drew I know, we'll go to break. I was just going to back sell this thing. You're a heavyweight. We're going to break.

1:05:17 Adam We're solving your problem for you.

1:05:18 Drew Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're going to break. We usually go, we go for a little while. So I love the kids.

1:05:25 Best Of It's hard for me to break away from them.

1:05:27 Drew Let me explain what these commercial breaks are like. You know when a mother is, she, her kids are going back to Saudi Arabia with their horrible, horribly abused dad, and she's at the airport, and she's hanging on to them, and she's crying, oh, my babies. That's what you guys are like.

1:05:44 Adam Before you go to break.

1:05:45 Drew Yeah, and this is like the airport.

1:05:47 Adam It feels like that.

1:05:48 Drew It's like a four minute plane ride. I can't take it.

1:05:51 Caller So I'm like the guy at the little station where I got to do security, and I'm like, oh, it's back off.

1:05:55 Adam You're the kidnapping, abusive.

1:05:57 Caller Because I'll just stop. I mean, I guess I'm just waiting.

1:06:00 Drew No, I like it when you point. Let's me know it's time to go.

1:06:03 Caller You like to be able to ignore me because if I don't do anything, then you have to.

1:06:05 Drew No, but listen, I'm not going to dive on the on the on the drop button. The second you point, you point means it's time for commercial.

1:06:13 Caller You do at least make a mental note.

1:06:15 Drew Absolutely. Please go ahead. Keep doing it. If anything, you get a little exercise.

1:06:21 Caller All right, we'll be back.

1:06:23 Hello, this is your radio. Radio.

1:06:32 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom, the most trusted for over 80 years.

1:06:41 Loveline. San Francisco.

1:06:48 Drew Hey, everybody. I'm Adam.

1:06:50 Caller That's Dr. Drew.

1:07:06 Drew That's right, everybody.

1:07:09 Caller He went to Amherst.

1:07:10 Drew He has his doctorate degree. Yeah. And he said he can bust a rhyme.

1:07:20 Adam I never said that.

1:07:21 Drew I'm way behind. It's too hot.

1:07:24 Adam In here?

1:07:25 Drew No. It's hot outside. It's humid. Air is heavy. Sweating weather.

1:07:31 Adam Listen, go spend two days in Phoenix. You'll be kissing the ground. You'll be loving life here in Los Angeles.

1:07:37 Drew Really? Yeah. I got it.

1:07:38 Adam It's like going to Alaska in the winter.

1:07:41 Drew Yeah. I got off a bus at a bachelor party about a year ago in Baker. It was about 118, 119.

1:07:50 Adam Good times.

1:07:50 Drew I found myself moving as if I was trying to escape the heat. Because it felt like I was standing next to...

1:07:57 Adam A furnace.

1:07:59 Drew Yeah. But, you know, I mean, it's really weird, but it's like once in a while you're standing around and you feel a heat source and you realize you're by the radiator of a bus or something. So you move away, blowing some hot air.

1:08:11 Adam Exactly. You start moving away like you got like an agitated animal on a hot plate or something. You're like, I gotta get away. I'm heating up. Then you slow down.

1:08:19 Drew And then eventually you die.

1:08:21 Adam It's like you're in molasses. I think it's too hot to move fast.

1:08:25 Drew Yeah. So I have this conversation with every jack-off cab driver in Vegas who loves to bash the hell out of Los Angeles whenever they pick me up from the airport. I mean, first off, I'm never in Vegas for more than 11 hours. But the guy, the idiot who picks me up, and by the way, Vegas has just become like a refuge for the damned. You know what I mean? It's like purgatory for everyone who couldn't cut it in any other part of this country. Of course, there's Florida, but Florida is for felons and the criminally insane and the unemployable. Vegas is for the meth-head chain smokers who want to drive a hack and hack up a lung while they're driving the hack, right? They're at least work. Okay. Florida is for the guys who...

1:09:11 Adam Yeah, no counts. No counts in Florida.

1:09:12 Drew Florida is the guys who get the fake disability papers, and they're sucking off the government teeth.

1:09:18 Adam It's no counts, but in Vegas, they're working, but they're strung on.

1:09:22 Drew They're working, but they're insane, and I don't know what heat and speed... I don't know why there's a connection there.

1:09:29 Adam It's heat, desert, and speed.

1:09:31 Drew Yeah, it's desert. Yeah, I don't know what's the ugliest thing ever, but anyway, every time I go to Vegas, I'm staying there for 12 hours, and some jack-off picks me up at the airport, and he says, where are you coming from? LA. Oh yeah, I used to live out that way, but gang violence, the earthquakes...

1:09:52 Adam I've never gone back.

1:09:52 Drew Corrosive smog. Yeah, never riding, never going to go back there, and I'm always like, hey, dick, I'm going back there in six hours. And by the way, is this how you get a tip out of somebody? I finally thought, I finally had an asshole this guy, I said, look, say what you will about LA, but if this cab broke down in LA, I could walk to the hotel. If this cab breaks down now, I will die on the way to the hotel. Do you understand me? I'll get about 70 feet from the cab, I'll collapse. Then, I'll see a mirage and I'll start eating sand thinking it's water, idiots. I don't trust people live in hot climates, Drew. I don't trust them. Every time I go there during the summer, I look around, I go, who lives there? I don't trust any of you. Then you find out, then the worst is when some guy tells you what he does, like, what are you, what are you in? I do roofing and blown insulation. I install air conditioning units, ducting, things like that, so you're up in the attic. Yeah, it's not so much of an attic, more of a crawl space.

1:10:59 Caller Really?

1:11:00 Drew Not hot enough for you? You got to get up in the crawl space? Wow. Stacey?

1:11:06 Caller Hi.

1:11:06 Drew You're 19? What's up? Oh, yeah, your boyfriend can't orgasm anymore.

1:11:11 Caller Yeah, it's been about two or three weeks. Mm-hmm. We're assuming it was because of stress, but...

1:11:19 Adam Are you having sex and he can't climax?

1:11:22 Caller Right.

1:11:23 Adam Is he on medication?

1:11:24 Caller Yes, plenty.

1:11:26 Adam Well, there you go. What medicines you got?

1:11:29 Caller I was on Taxil, but I stopped taking it a couple months ago.

1:11:32 Adam No, no, him, him.

1:11:33 Caller Him?

1:11:34 Caller No, he's not on me.

1:11:37 Drew No, he's not on anything. That's interesting. Maybe...

1:11:41 Adam Sure he's not taking yours?

1:11:44 Caller It was long enough for the effects to go away, though, like it's been, it's been a couple months since I stopped taking the pack.

1:11:51 Adam He, he's the one that can't come, right?

1:11:54 Drew Stacey.

1:11:55 Caller Yeah.

1:11:56 Drew Yeah, your boyfriend has a problem, right?

1:11:59 Caller Yeah.

1:11:59 Drew So when we say he and how long have you known him and things like that, that means we're talking about your boyfriend.

1:12:09 Caller Yeah, I know.

1:12:10 Drew So when we say, is he on medication, we're intruding. He's on medication.

1:12:16 Caller But she and he are a lot like the same words.

1:12:21 Adam But when we were talking about you, we wouldn't say she. We'd say you. Okay. Okay.

1:12:25 Drew Yeah, unless you were a horse or a naval vessel.

1:12:31 Caller Or not heterosexual.

1:12:33 Drew Hold on a second. Let me tell you something else. Speaking of he and she, and Drew, she makes a valid point, but Touche, yeah. We wouldn't call you she if we're talking about the ball.

1:12:43 Adam Push and pull. Right. Yes.

1:12:45 Drew First order of business. First order of business. Whose retard idea was it to make push and pull start with the same two letters?

1:12:55 Adam It sounds so close.

1:12:57 Drew You're walking there. You know, it's the diner. It's crowded. You're talking on a cell phone. You got a nice stride going, a nice pace. You hit the door. It's that aluminum frame commercial door. Pow, things got the bells hanging off it. You run a diner. You need to know when everyone's coming and going. Can't you see when someone comes into your diner? You whack the thing because it said, it said, Paul, and you pushed it and you didn't slow down enough to process the third letter. You just stuck with the P and the U and rolled the dice. Everyone in the diner turns and looks. Who's the retard? He's trying to ram his way through the door, pushing Paul. Ridiculous. People think I'm kidding when I say this stuff, but I'm angry about that. Why are we going through society like this?

1:13:46 Adam My thought balloon is, oh, I got to work on my kids' reading. I got to make sure they're expert readers because poor Adam Carolla goes through life not being able to see complete words.

1:13:55 Drew Push and yank.

1:13:58 What's so tough about that? But listen, I'm going to keep going with this.

1:14:05 Drew Like, I don't like micro and macro. I don't like inner and inter and things like that. Inter and intra. Inter and intra. Yeah, yeah. I don't like, you know, micro means cannot be seen with the human eye and macro means as big as the world. Really? They should be almost the same?

1:14:25 Caller Almost the same word?

1:14:26 Drew I don't go for that. Spread it up. Yank and push. Who's going to argue with me on this one?

1:14:36 Adam We're all with you. Especially I just like the word yank on the outside of diners and drugstores.

1:14:43 Drew Or just have one word have like 16 letters in it.

1:14:47 Adam Why don't we just become like Hawaiians and just put the symbol?

1:14:51 Drew I'm fine. Fine with that.

1:14:52 Adam Yeah.

1:14:53 Drew Fine. All right. Push and pull should not start with a PU. Idiots. It should have been around years ago. Who is who? We're talking to Stacey Stacey Stacey. And I was thinking of changing the he she part until Drew pointed out we wouldn't call you when she would call you you.

1:15:15 Adam And so he he is not on medication.

1:15:19 Caller He is not.

1:15:20 Adam And he does not do drugs.

1:15:23 Caller He does smoke marijuana.

1:15:25 Adam Has he been smoking more lately?

1:15:26 Caller No, not really. I mean, there was like a week or so where he didn't really do it at all.

1:15:34 Adam And then. Is there anything, any stresses in his life, anything bothering him?

1:15:40 Caller Right now, like he can't get his car license and and so he tried to drive it to work and then he got pulled over the other day and got two eighty three dollar tickets.

1:15:49 Adam Good times.

1:15:51 Drew He got pulled over twice?

1:15:53 Caller No, like when he got pulled over, he got two tickets because the one was for not having a car license because the reason he didn't get it done was because he has to pay two hundred fifty dollars for sales tax. He's got to save up the money.

1:16:07 Drew He lives, what do you call him, from Kansas City?

1:16:09 Caller Uh-huh.

1:16:10 Drew It'd be like eight hundred bucks out here. Wait, he got an eighty three dollar ticket?

1:16:14 Adam But when you're elected.

1:16:15 Drew Hold on a second. What do you do for that eighty three dollar ticket, not have, what do you have, an expired license?

1:16:22 Caller Well, there were, there were two tickets, there was, the one was because of.

1:16:26 Drew Oh, man, are you stupid? Jesus Christ. Tell, tell us both the tickets, please. Are you watching TV?

1:16:36 Caller The license plate one and then the other one is because he didn't have his license.

1:16:41 Adam So the car was registered.

1:16:42 Drew So he got pulled over for expired tabs and he had an expired driver's license as well.

1:16:49 Adam Not the wisest way to go drive around town, but he's such a stoner. Stacey, the guy smokes too much pot. Let's face it. That's really the big issue here. You can't get his ass together.

1:17:02 Drew I'm done talking. She's like Stacey's doing something. She's like knitting a toaster cozy or something. She's involved with something other than this call. And I'm guessing possibly something other than life.

1:17:15 Adam If she isn't involved in something, I'm very scared.

1:17:20 Drew OK. I just keep thinking, what do you think those what do you think those tickets would have been out here in Los Angeles? Eighty three bucks. You kidding?

1:17:27 Best Of Oh, no.

1:17:29 Adam Well, how about the registration would have been twelve hundred or something?

1:17:32 Drew Oh, man. Am I going to straighten this out?

1:17:34 Caller Wait till I get in charge.

1:17:36 Drew Oh, they got to vote me in. Push and yank. Push and yank, people. Melissa? You're 25.

1:17:45 Caller Yes, sir.

1:17:46 Drew What's up?

1:17:47 Caller How are you guys doing?

1:17:49 Caller Well, I'm five months pregnant, and prior to becoming pregnant, I smoked a lot of pot daily for, I don't know, probably since high school, graduate high school. And I quit smoking pot and smoking cigarettes when I found out, but I did smoke pot one time about two and a half months ago. I'm just wondering if there's any serious, like, risk factors involved with that one time that I smoked pot.

1:18:18 Adam We don't really know.

1:18:19 Drew Yeah, we know.

1:18:19 Adam No, you're probably fine.

1:18:20 Drew We know. I'll tell you how we know, because nobody...

1:18:23 Caller I mean, I figured, but...

1:18:24 Drew No one knew any of this stuff was bad. Cigarettes, booze. I mean, look, here's the deal. Everyone's... How many goddamn PSAs do we have to have about, you know, you smoke a cigarette, your child is smoking a cigarette, you have a drink, your... Moms in the 50s chain smoked and had five kids through five pregnancies and nothing happened.

1:18:44 Adam Yeah, but Melissa, marijuana is a lot different than tobacco.

1:18:46 Caller Yeah, I agree.

1:18:48 Adam And tobacco is... And we know tobacco has an effect on gestational birth weights and, you know, whether or not you're going to... The pregnancy is going to survive and there's lots of things that tobacco does that's bad.

1:18:58 Caller When another question evolves. Yeah. I work in a totally smoke-filled environment because I work on any reservation so they love smoking.

1:19:07 Adam Oh, that's like you're smoking 15 packs a day.

1:19:10 Drew Yeah, second-hand smoke, first-rate killer. Last year alone in this country, 53,000 Americans died of second-hand smoke. Well documented by the people that lie in the cancer system.

1:19:23 Caller I had asked my doctor at the beginning of my pregnancy if that's a reason enough to get off work and she said no.

1:19:31 Adam I would have...

1:19:31 Drew Good. The doctor's a saint, a human being with a brain.

1:19:38 Caller Why? The reason I have to change the law and smoking in bars is not reason enough to get off work.

1:19:43 Drew Say it again.

1:19:44 Caller I said secondhand smoke is a reason enough to change the law about smoking in bars, but it's not reason enough to like get a LOA from work.

1:19:53 Drew Yeah. Well, it's a good point. It should have been change of the bar. Listen, when I'm in charge, if you've got a restaurant, if you want to make the whole goddamn restaurant smoking and call it smokers, fine, that that's who you'll attract, that's will show up. If you want to make a smoking section, make a smoking section. If you don't like smoke, then you don't go to that place. Go to the smokeless place across the street. Let the market bear it out. I'm not going to start telling people what they can do in their own places. When stuff's legal.

1:20:25 Adam That's what you should run on now.

1:20:27 Drew Listen, all this take a vote BS for minority stuff, meaning, okay, I don't know what percentage of the population smokes in California, but it's probably 15%. So, every time that pussy Rob Reiner wants to take a vote, of course, you got 85% who don't engage, who don't use the product. So it's like, listen, cigarettes are already five bucks a pack. Yeah, they were a buck fifty four years ago, and now they're five dollars. I say I want to raise another dollar, and then I want to take that dollar that we raised from each pack, and I want RJ. Reynolds to use that money for negative campaigns against their own company. Who's all in favor? And it's like, yeah, I'll tell you who's in favor, the 85% of people who aren't smokers are in favor. That's not democratic. Thank you.

1:21:20 Adam There is some reason to give people sort of a disincentive to smoke, right? So make it hard and make it expensive. Yeah, but then use some of that money to treat the consequences of the decrease to use.

1:21:31 Drew But wait a second. Wait a second. This whole make it expensive thing is the same BS that lawmakers do with the tickets. Well, we'll get them not to speed. We'll just rape them. We'll bend them over and sodomize them by the side of freedom. It's very convenient. They just get a lot of money. Number one, number two, that whole part. I just went and visited my grandmother. She's 90 years old. I'm sitting there. The phone's ringing. It's Kaiser. Not that it's Kaiser Wilhelm. It's actually the old German. He's calling from the grave. I want to know where she is.

1:22:05 Adam When she coming in?

1:22:08 Drew No, no, it's Kaiser, the hospital.

1:22:11 Adam Oh my God.

1:22:13 Drew And they're like, hey, where are you? I haven't been here in four hours. We need you to come back. We miss you. My grandmother and my grandfather, my grandfather smoked cigarettes, had a major heart attack when he was 68. And the doctor said, look, you keep smoking, you're going to have a major heart attack and you're going to die this time. So my grandfather quit smoking. Then he lived till 93. And from age 79 to 93, he went back and forth to Kaiser 7,000 times. It's more expensive if he dies at 69 of the major heart attack that it is him going to Kaiser 5,000 times. And by the way, Drew, I got to tell you something about people. When they get over about 85, they start breaking down.

1:22:56 Adam And then, yes.

1:22:56 Drew You don't know. You don't know.

1:22:58 Adam That's because of the toxins. It's the toxins you put in your system.

1:22:59 Drew They become like cars that never get out of the shop.

1:23:03 Adam And there's no way to prevent that.

1:23:04 Drew Take a beat up car, take a car, put 400,000 miles on it and see how often it's going back and forth to the shop.

1:23:12 Adam That's what it is. Okay, so after 85, aging becomes its own disease process. Yes. Aging is the disease.

1:23:19 Drew Grandfather, and you're doing that. You're getting the in-home care, the nurses, you're going in and out of these halfway houses where you're staying there for a few days and recovering and back and forth. These surgeries, the whole thing is like cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching. You're telling me if that car didn't just throw a rod when it was at 40,000 miles, somehow that's much more expensive. That's more expensive than what my grandfather did and what my grandmother's doing. Now, how does that math work? I don't think anyone has that math. I just think that's BS. I think if my grandfather kept smoking, my grandmother smoked, they just keeled over in their late 60s, they'd be done. That's gotta be cheaper. How much is a casket? Well, I just mean everything about the smoking. It just seems like a lie.

1:24:02 Adam Let's continue discussing.

1:24:04 Drew When do I get in charge?

1:24:05 Adam We're, by the way, where can we pee together here? I missed that.

1:24:08 Drew I'll use the sink.

1:24:09 Adam All right, let's go.

1:24:10 Drew All right, we'll be back. Thanks for watching! Adam, Drew, and you. Okay, let's go to the phone and speak to Mark, who's 45. He's got a beef with something I said about cars at some point.

1:24:57 Caller Well, first, I got a few questions for you, Adam. Adam, my first question is-

1:24:57 Drew Hold on.

1:24:58 Caller Yeah.

1:24:58 Caller I had to turn my headphones down again. Go ahead, Mark. Here's my first question for you, Adam. Whose hearing is better, Superman's or Dr. Drew's ability to hear someone drop a quarter in New York?

1:25:06 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's funny, buddy. I don't even know if Superman had great hearing, by the way.

1:25:16 Caller Of course he did.

1:25:17 Adam Aquaman had all that Sonic stuff, right?

1:25:19 Drew Superman had good eyesight and he could fly and he was strong, but they didn't make much over super hearing.

1:25:26 Caller Adam, see, here's how inadequate your information is. He had x-ray vision.

1:25:32 Adam Right, that's not hearing.

1:25:33 Caller No.

1:25:35 Drew Yeah.

1:25:36 Adam That's what Adam's point was.

1:25:38 Caller And Adam mentioned the fact that his eyesight wasn't that good.

1:25:43 Drew No, no. I said I know he had good eyesight.

1:25:46 Caller Yes.

1:25:47 Drew And he could fly.

1:25:48 Caller Right.

1:25:49 Drew Hold on a second.

1:25:50 Adam And he was strong.

1:25:51 Drew Would you like Mark representing you, like in a court of law? Could you imagine Mark is your attorney? That would be a horrible, horrible nightmare. Mark.

1:26:02 Caller Yes.

1:26:04 Drew Yes. I mentioned the part where he had excellent vision. But he could fly and he had super strength. I just said they didn't seem to make much over his hearing.

1:26:17 Caller I would say that your question would be referred to as argumentative in a court of law. But my second question, Adam, what are you more likely to see, the Loch Ness Monster or Dr. Drew's pull out his wallet to pay for dinner?

1:26:33 Drew He doesn't make a point there, Drew.

1:26:36 Caller Now I'm going to start ripping you, Adam, on your seemingly inadequate, inept knowledge of automobiles. You're the kind of guy that-

1:26:45 Drew Seemingly.

1:26:46 Caller You're the kind of guy that thinks MIT stands for the Mechanics Institute of Transmission. MIT? Now you purported very boastfully and numerously how you are seemingly a millionaire. Yet the other week you mentioned you were on the computer looking at clone Shelby cars. Now why would a man with your purported bankroll be looking at a clone car? What's next? You gonna look for a restored Maverick? You couldn't tell the difference between a 426 Hemi or a side oiler AC Cobra 427?

1:27:25 Drew Uh, yeah I could.

1:27:29 Caller And then you...

1:27:29 Drew I know what a Hemi looks like. I bet you don't know what Hemi is short for.

1:27:33 Caller Hemispherical Combustion Chain.

1:27:36 Drew All right, so you got lucky.

1:27:37 Caller All right, so throw another question at me. Try your hardest shot at it.

1:27:43 Drew All right, listen Mr. American Muscle, I'm gonna toss...

1:27:46 Caller Hey, that's the only way to go.

1:27:48 Drew I'm gonna toss some European questions to ya. How about that? Let me ask you this.

1:27:54 Caller You think a six pack...

1:27:55 Drew How many cubic inches in a liter? Shut up, shut up. How many cubic inches in a liter?

1:28:02 Caller Keep on going, Adam.

1:28:04 Drew All right. That guy knows his business, but I'm going in the European department now, wise ass.

1:28:11 Caller You can go to Lamborghini, Testarossa. You can go as far back as you want.

1:28:18 Drew All right.

1:28:18 Caller Ask him one question about a girl.

1:28:20 Drew All right. All right. Tell me, tell me about the Lamborghini Miura.

1:28:24 Caller The Lamborghini Miura was an adaptation prior to the Espinada.

1:28:32 Drew Yeah, keep going. Tell me about the car.

1:28:34 Caller It was a transversely opposed V12.

1:28:37 Drew All right.

1:28:38 Caller Thank you. Had a famous.

1:28:39 Drew Kid got lucky.

1:28:41 Caller Had a famous Italian transmission, one of the most famous transmission, a ZF transmission. Correct.

1:28:49 Drew What else? Adam, you're next. What else would you find that ZF transmission in? Give me a popular American racing car that you'd find that ZF transmission in.

1:28:58 Caller I'm gonna hurt you hard right now.

1:29:01 Caller A day, Tomasa Pantera had a ZF transmission.

1:29:04 Drew Yeah, not a popular American racing car. I'm talking about the most popular American racing car.

1:29:11 Caller What, the GP40?

1:29:14 Best Of You've got lucky again.

1:29:16 Drew Anyone can get lucky nine or 10 times in a row.

1:29:19 Caller Dr. Drew, I've got a question.

1:29:21 Drew Sure, Mark.

1:29:21 Caller Seeing as Adam's penchant for pornography, here's the hypothetical scenario. Adam's house.

1:29:29 Drew Will this guy ever get laid? You ever get laid? Here's the difference between you and I, Mark.

1:29:34 Caller Yes.

1:29:35 Drew Let me explain. Yes, you have a nice working knowledge of automobiles. I will grant you that. Here's what makes me the superior being.

1:29:43 Caller No, no, no, no, no.

1:29:44 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:29:46 Drew A, I make a living. B, I have other interests and hobbies.

1:29:51 Caller I do for a living, Adam. I'm retired, restoring valuable European motor cars.

1:29:57 Adam Oh, you should know, Mark.

1:29:58 Drew And how the lady's treating you?

1:30:00 Caller Adam, to tell you the truth, I only date Asian women. And I have.

1:30:06 Drew Because anyone who spoke a lick of English would kill themselves the first weekend with you.

1:30:11 Adam What's the question you have, Mark?

1:30:12 Caller Okay, Dr. Drew. Yes, Adam.

1:30:16 Adam I'm thoroughly entertained by this, by the way.

1:30:17 Caller I am, too.

1:30:18 Adam It's burning down.

1:30:20 Caller He can only take one article out of his home.

1:30:24 Adam It's Taboo 2.

1:30:25 Caller His choices are his family portrait or his director's cut of Taboo 2.

1:30:32 Adam Oh, it's Taboo 2.

1:30:33 Drew One doesn't need his intelligence, but that's sort of bizarre. Hypothetical.

1:30:37 Caller And I just want to let Adam know I made a fortune on his proclivity for masturbation because I've vested in Kleenex Futures.

1:30:47 Adam Oh, did you ever come up with the heated couch? Mark might be the guy for this.

1:30:52 Drew Yeah, it's just kind of jackass. I went getting rich off my brilliant ideas.

1:30:55 Caller And if you were in Vegas, seeing as already, Adam is banging his wife's teeth with a tablespoon, what's the over-under on the longevity of Adam's marriage?

1:31:08 Drew That's a good question.

1:31:09 Adam That's a good question. Could be. I think it's going to make it.

1:31:13 Caller This guy listens every night.

1:31:14 Drew We got the white Don King calling the show too with the vocab.

1:31:18 Caller And also, how do you feel Adam's masturbation perpetual habit cuts into his intimacy with his wife?

1:31:28 Adam I've brought this up a number of times. I think that will be an issue someday.

1:31:32 Drew I let her hang out when I beat off.

1:31:34 Caller You have never allowed your wife to beat off because her vision isn't that great.

1:31:40 Adam Oh, to see her penis.

1:31:41 Caller That's a small penis joke.

1:31:43 Drew It's still a very horribly worded joke.

1:31:46 Caller Shoot her!

1:31:47 Drew Mark has got a lot of good information. I think he just needs to work on the delivery.

1:31:52 Adam Good with cars. Best we've had with cars.

1:31:54 Drew He knows cars, but anyone who does cars for a living can know something about cars. I'll give him that he knows cars. But, you know, you shouldn't be that surprised if a guy who makes his living restoring cars knows a lot about cars. I'm saying he's worthless in every other endeavor and every other facet of... Oh, really? You think this guy can talk about anything else?

1:32:16 Adam I don't know. He seemed reasonably right. Reasonably.

1:32:20 Drew No, he was an a-hole.

1:32:21 Adam No, I didn't say he was.

1:32:23 Drew Mark, call back and Drew, you talked about politics. Alright, we'll be back.

1:32:28 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:32:45 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:14 Drew Well, that's it. The best of Love Line. Which, after all, is better than Love Line because it's the best. I want to thank everyone who made the show possible and say until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:35 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, December 14, 2003