Episode 1000583882933

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. I'm Adam.

1:06 Drew Whew, I thought that show never started.

1:12 Caller Bye.

1:12 Adam That's Dr. Drew, phone number. I'm a little concerned before you go on that we've now established a precedent.

1:15 Drew Which is what?

1:15 Adam That you actually made it in as the show is starting, and I can now expect you every night at this moment.

1:20 Drew No, I-

1:21 Adam You cut it, you did it, you got it perfect.

1:23 Drew Yeah, yeah. No, Josh Malina's here tonight, by the way, from the West Wing and-

1:28 Joshua Malina I've been here for minutes. I came in a little earlier.

1:32 Drew Oh yeah, you didn't know. I guess we should have given him, give his publicist a heads up. When you hear the music, that's when you-

1:38 Joshua Malina That's when you go walk in.

1:39 Drew No, that's when you get in the shower. That's how we work it around here. Josh, just to act as a witness for the crowd, when did I show up to this show?

1:48 Joshua Malina 17 seconds ago.

1:50 Drew Yeah, yeah, about that. Josh is not only on the West Wing, but doing the Celebrity Poker Showdown as a producer.

1:59 Joshua Malina That is correct.

2:00 Drew Executive producer. Now, the show's been, well, some of the, Sarah Silverman, dear, dear friend, did it. And is, is, is, and then it was a big deal, this big poker tournament that they had just a few months back. And it seems like-

2:14 Adam Poker's in.

2:15 Drew Yeah, poker's been around for three, 500 years, a thousand years. I don't know how long it's been, but it got hot in the last six to eight months.

2:23 Joshua Malina It's hot, hot, hot. Like Ugg Boots.

2:25 Adam Right.

2:25 Drew Yes.

2:26 Joshua Malina Also been around since medieval times, but-

2:28 Drew It's Ugg.

2:29 Joshua Malina Lately.

2:30 Drew Actually-

2:30 Adam We're rediscovering the classics.

2:32 Drew Yeah, and I, you know, I started to think, and it's become, well, all you gotta do is get a couple of hip people to do it, and you're in. Like, you know, remember, it just struck me, like about six, seven years ago, cigars.

2:44 Adam Cigars.

2:45 Drew All of a sudden, there's hot chicks and Schwarzenegger and Stallone.

2:48 Joshua Malina That was about a year and a half that lasted.

2:50 Drew It was just like, pow, cigar. But.

2:53 Joshua Malina I'm hoping that we'll have more staying power than the cigar.

2:56 Adam Well, so. We'd all come together, cigar and poker.

2:59 Drew Well, it's smart. It's a good idea for showing that celebrities, most celebrities I know love to gamble, love to play cards, love to compete that way. They're not, they don't like to go out and play a high lie or rugby or anything, but they do like to sit around and throw the cards around. And for years, there's been a lot of these games floating around town anyway. There's a lot of John Favreau and Sarah Silver and Jimmy Kimmel plays in them. They all, everyone but me really, but they all, you know why I don't get to play in them, Drew?

3:27 Adam You're not cool.

3:28 Drew Yeah, but you know why I don't?

3:29 Adam Beside that.

3:29 Drew Because they all take place right now.

3:32 Adam Right.

3:32 Drew They all start up about 10, 20, 10, 30, and they start ramping down about the time I get there. Yeah, someone said, what time should we play cards? I don't know, what time's Corolla on the air? All right, we'll call it 10. Good, meet at my house.

3:45 Adam I have a bunch of questions about this show though. How long does it take to get down to the one person?

3:49 Joshua Malina It varies, it varies. It's an hour long, each episode is an hour long. We've designed the tournament to last between two and two and a half hours, but we've had ones that last an hour and 45 minutes and we've had ones that lasted over three hours. So it varies.

4:03 Adam It seems like it would take like six hours. You start with six people.

4:06 Joshua Malina But what happens is there are forced bets in every hand called a blind. It's like an ante, and the blinds go up every 20 minutes. So it's sort of an escalating thing where it costs you a certain amount of money to play each hand, and it sort of grinds you down and leads towards one winner.

4:20 Drew Is there money to be made?

4:22 Joshua Malina There's money to be made by charities. Each celebrity is playing for his or her favorite charity. Singular Wireless put up a quarter of a million dollars. And the top prize is a hundred grand.

4:32 Drew I know charity is great and everything, but does that make it legal? Like, hey, I'm smoking hash for the March of Dines. Yeah, all the Coke, this kilo, I'm selling a kilo. All of it, almost all of it. Once I pay off my mules, once I pay the mules off and scrape a little off top for myself and step on it, a little baby.

4:52 Caller It's all going to charity.

4:54 Joshua Malina Makes it more seemly. I don't know about legal, but Yeah, I don't know.

4:57 Adam It's more palatable.

4:58 Drew Here's the whole thing about gambling is it's become such a joke in terms of its legality. Like this whole like, hey, play the lotto, play the ponies, play pie gal poker. Blackjack, that's morally wrong.

5:11 Adam I'm gonna tell you something, a piece of our own history is gonna blow your mind. We on this show will gamble once in a while over people's past, what is it about their past that renders them the way they are in the present? And we'll just make bets on what they are. We proposed that for the TV show some six years ago. We were told, oh no, no, no gambling on TV. Remember that? We can't show a picture of you gambling.

5:31 Drew Yeah, and it was always like, we're just playing for a dollar. No, no, no, no, no gambling.

5:36 Adam No gambling on TV.

5:36 Drew I think they just thought, by the way, I do from doing the Man Show and doing Loveline, all that stuff, I do realize that three quarters of the stuff they said they couldn't do, they just thought it was a lame idea. I got a bit called Ask Adam. Oh, well we can't do that.

5:52 Adam We obviously can't.

5:54 Drew We're not allowed to use ask, sorry. Let's move on. Yeah, so Drew, those were probably just lame ideas. That they said we couldn't do. But is it, you know, I find it sort of insulting that one can't gamble on football, at least in this state, but you're finding courses. Yeah, the lottery, for instance. To me, that's a retarded form of gambling. Yeah, and I agree. It's inconsistent at best. And whenever the government does that sort of inconsistent thing, they lose their constituency. People stop paying attention to the rules. You can't expect people to not do something because it's wrong. And then go ahead and do state-sponsored gambling, essentially. And the worst kind of gambling, by the way, just random, throw your money at a fan, see if it lands somewhere good.

6:40 Adam It's not even a game.

6:41 Drew Right, all right. I like playing. Well, here's a couple of things. Where are you from, Josh?

6:47 Adam New York. All right, New Rochelle, the Burbs. Sort of near Scarsdale kind of area, right?

6:52 Joshua Malina That's true.

6:52 Adam It's Westchester County.

6:53 Joshua Malina It's not the Burbs.

6:54 Adam It's the nice part of New York.

6:55 Joshua Malina It's only 45 minutes from Broadway.

6:57 Drew I got this theory, which is like, see, Drew's from Southern California. I'm from Southern California. We don't own any card games because only the Jews, only the Jews know card games, right? They love cards. They don't like going outside. It's like a fair with the sweat and the flies. No, we'll go inside. We'll have a nice nosh and we'll play some cards.

7:17 Joshua Malina You're not wrong.

7:18 Drew But the Gentiles out here don't own any card games because we have something that's called the Sun.

7:24 Joshua Malina Yes, they're out playing badminton and whatnot.

7:26 Drew Yes, we're frolicking. My childhood was spent just playing a ditch and smear the queer and it's feeding the crap out of people are hitting them in the street. Yeah, just out, out, pick up games. And you'd go from football to baseball to basketball. But all the guys I know now who are from Buffalo, they'd be like, all right, we're going to play night baseball or black Anaconda. And I'd be like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we, what about just, you know, high, low or five cards? And they all have a thousand games because I realize they spent the better part of each year in a basement playing high, playing, playing Anaconda or night baseball or guts or something like this. Do you know all these games?

8:07 Joshua Malina I do know all those games, but I shun them. I'm more of a purist. I'm a no limit Texas Hold'em, I think is the ultimate. That's what we play on our show. It's sort of the ultimate bluffers game. Is it sort of more interesting?

8:17 Adam Five card draw basically?

8:18 Joshua Malina It's actually, it's a variation on seven card stud in which everybody has two whole cards and then ultimately five common cards in the middle. But unlike regular seven card stud where you sort of learn more information about each person's hand, because you see their up cards, all you ever learn about what your opponents have is what they're implying with their bets. So kind of the ultimate psychological poker game.

8:35 Drew Yeah, and it's really, it's tough when the stakes really get up there to stay in. I am personally not an unlucky person, but cursed. I look at myself as cursed when it comes to gambling. I've lost just about every hand of 21 I've played over the last four years. And here's how I really knew I was cursed. Drew, I believe I told you this story, but we were checking into the hotel down in the lobby, the casino, and Daniel Kellison, who was executive producer of The Man Show, who's addicted to gambling as well as alcohol and everything else. He said, and I don't know what it is about some guys who when you tell them, I don't want to gamble, they insist, now you got to gamble. And it's like, it's not because I'm a puss, it's just because I really don't win, you know? And he's like, come on, I'm trying to check into the hotel and he says, just give me a hundred bucks, I'll put a hundred bucks up, I'll go play a hand of blackjack, one hand. I lose, he goes, yeah, but I win, I'm good at this. I said, I'll curse you. He said, no, no, I said, just stop bothering me. Here's a hundred dollars, but just one hand. I'm not going to show up, we're not going to let it ride, we're not going to parlay it or anything. Just one hand, here's a hundred dollars, just go gamble. And he come back either with 200 or with nothing, fine, he leaves, comes back 10 minutes later, it's like, what happened there, Daniel? Well, we got a blackjack dealt to us. Oh really, really one hand, just a one hand blackjack. Where's the money? Well, the dealer dealt himself a blackjack too. So it was a push. And then what happened next? We busted. Okay, great. So I got blackjack, I said, play one hand, play one hand and only one hand. And I got an ace and a king dealt to me. Not gonna work. Not good enough. I needed 21 and a half. Does there any more example of knowing that you're like, in what universe do you play just one hand and get blackjack and any? No, you're not walking with that money.

10:33 Adam But also that blackjack included the non-instruction to your money handler. There's one where he could excuse himself by playing another hand.

10:40 Drew Yeah.

10:40 Adam On top of that.

10:41 Drew Yes, yes. Yeah, if it's a, I didn't tell him if it's a push. Right. All right. So anyway, bravo at nine o'clock on Tuesday nights. And also, of course, the West Wing, nine o'clock on Wednesdays.

10:54 Adam This week is the West Wing cast, right?

10:56 Joshua Malina Like, that's right.

10:57 Drew Oh yeah, I saw the, saw the promos for that. Now is that out of Vegas? That's in Vegas.

11:01 Joshua Malina Yeah, we shot it in Vegas at the Palms.

11:03 Drew Sweet. Man, they must love that. It's great. You know, it's one cool thing about Vegas and all the casinos and stuff. They want to play ball. They're not interested in pretending like they don't do what they do for a living.

11:16 Joshua Malina No, they were happy to have us.

11:17 Drew All right, let's go to the phones. We'll talk to Ashlyn. Ashlyn?

11:21 Caller Yeah. What's up? Nothing, how are you guys?

11:25 Drew Good.

11:26 Caller I just wanted to let y'all know that I think y'all are great. And my question is that I have a boyfriend and I recently just moved back to Texas from Santa Barbara. My mom lives there and he, my boyfriend still lives there. But we visit each other every couple of months and when we have sex, we don't use a condom. But I don't allow him to come inside me because I heard about the pre-come, you know? I was wondering if there was really any difference, like if we have sex with him.

12:01 Adam Yes, you're more likely if he comes inside you, but some guys emit a highly potent fluid before he ejaculates.

12:08 Caller Yep. Because, I mean, I really like for him, like to...

12:12 Drew Mine's an acid that dissolves the vagina so I can get easier access.

12:16 Caller Yeah.

12:17 Drew I'm like a Gila monster.

12:19 Adam You need to get on the birth control pill. Asher, why don't you get on the pill?

12:23 Caller I'm on the pill.

12:25 Adam Oh, then you need to...

12:25 Caller I'm just really paranoid.

12:27 Adam All right, then forget it. You're on the pill. You're nearly 100% protected.

12:30 Caller It's 100% effective.

12:32 Adam Just tell her 100%. Here's the one time it's not 100% if you're overweight. More and more pill failures.

12:38 Drew But then it's fine. Cause the guy just wants a oral anyway. He just wants a BJ.

12:41 Caller Well, yeah, you know. But also I have another question. With the birth control, like if I don't take it at the same time of day, like every day.

12:51 Adam How many hours off are you?

12:53 Caller I don't know.

12:55 Adam About how many?

12:56 Caller I just take it whenever I get home and-

12:58 Adam About how many hours off? Come on.

13:01 Caller I don't know, like five?

13:02 Adam That's all right. Try not to be more than four hours off. All right.

13:08 Drew All right.

13:08 Adam Yeah.

13:08 Drew All right. And can't you take it in the morning, by the way?

13:12 Adam Yes, you should take it when you brush your teeth in the morning.

13:14 Drew Should you? But not while you're brushing your teeth.

13:16 Adam Even a while, whatever.

13:18 Drew Should one get a, you know, sometimes chicks get trapped out without their pack. Yeah. You know what I mean?

13:23 Adam Trapped out of the house.

13:25 Drew They sleep over someone's house, they go out partying, they get drunk, they crash on a friend's sofa, they don't have their birth control pill.

13:31 Adam So you should keep extra pills around?

13:33 Drew Should you, yeah. You should, shouldn't you? I mean, no one does that, but shouldn't you? You know what it's like? You know, remember all these guys who wore contact lenses? Yeah. It was always a big deal. Like, hey, buddy, just, no, my contact lenses. Why don't you got any extra solution? No, it's not, I gotta drive home. Yeah, but you're drunk, you're bleeding, you live in Arizona. I know, I gotta head out. It's like, how about you spend three bucks and get some saline thrown in the trunk of your car or something. So, shouldn't a woman keep a thing in her purse or keep another one in the medicine cabinet? Would it be a good idea to get a couple going or is there gonna be confusion now?

14:10 Adam There could be confusion, yeah.

14:11 Drew Is that why they don't do that?

14:13 Adam Yeah, and also the triphasic pills, you have to kind of take the right ones. So, I just know where you are in the packet, but have we ever asked a question of somebody about what they're taking? Not only that, not only what they're taking, they have no idea what day they're on or whether they're on the sugar rise or not.

14:27 Drew Josh, you a contact man?

14:29 Joshua Malina I was.

14:29 Adam What are you doing?

14:30 Joshua Malina I was, I had the surgery.

14:31 Drew I had the surgery.

14:32 Joshua Malina I did.

14:32 Drew It's funny, I looked at the name, I said Josh. I thought that Josh is a high probability of contacts. I just looked at Josh.

14:41 Adam Why is that?

14:42 Drew I don't know, I just looked at him.

14:43 Joshua Malina Is it the New York Jew must have glasses but not wearing them?

14:47 Drew I have this theory about the New York Jews and glasses and braces.

14:51 Adam Oh, what is it?

14:52 Drew I just think, like every Jewish kid I knew had braces, wore braces, and I don't think it's because they needed them. I think it's because they had concerned parents who knew an orthodontist and they had a couple bucks. And they did it.

15:04 Joshua Malina Before there was a problem with the braces.

15:05 Drew Whereas I got guys from the valleys, I got teeth growing out of their nostrils and stuff. They're like, kid's fine, helps him eat better. I got guys with fangs and stuff. But it was like, I'm not gonna spend, I'm getting a big screen TV and I spent 1300 bucks in this kid's mouth. I'm just gonna punch him out later anyway. All right. I know a guy who wore braces for like six years and got them off and two days after he got them off got hit with a baseball bat in the mouth. And I mean, it's the kind of thing, full swing bat, bat broke when sailing in the business end, right in the mouth. Braces went right back on.

15:43 Adam Oh my God, how awful.

15:44 Drew That's good times. All right, you got the surgery, huh?

15:48 Joshua Malina I did. Is it good? It's fantastic. Although now I can't accessorize.

15:52 Drew Yeah, yeah.

15:52 Joshua Malina I got nothing to, it was part of my look glasses. I do miss it a little bit.

15:56 Drew I'd give you a pass on the glasses if you needed them at one point. I know it's good. You pull them off when you're thinking.

16:02 Joshua Malina Yeah.

16:02 Drew You chew on them a little bit. It's a prop. When there's a decision to be made.

16:05 Joshua Malina Exactly.

16:05 Drew You do that. Once in a while, when you need a little busy work, you clean them with the tail of your shirt, you know.

16:11 Joshua Malina I got nothing to work with now.

16:12 Drew If you're, if hot shit goes by, you slide them down and look over, you're, woo, right?

16:17 Adam That's sunglasses. You do that with your glasses, you can't see the chick anymore.

16:22 Drew Yeah, but not when you don't need them.

16:23 Adam That's right.

16:24 Drew You don't need them, you can do that. Wise guy. Becky?

16:27 Caller Yes.

16:28 Drew You're 18?

16:29 Caller Yes.

16:30 Drew What's up?

16:33 Caller All right.

16:34 Drew You got a question?

16:37 Caller I wanna know why I bleed when I have sex with my boyfriend.

16:42 Adam Are you on the birth control pill? Do you have regular periods? Have you ever had an ovarian cyst or anything like that? Are you overweight? That can be a reason to sort of cause a little bit of instability in the lining of the uterus. So it may just be that. And some people just have a little bleeding every time they have sex, it just stimulates some bleeding. Doesn't necessarily mean a darn thing.

17:06 Drew How overweight are you?

17:08 Caller I don't know. I'm like losing it very little.

17:12 Adam What's your weight?

17:15 Drew Once how tall are you? I do my radio now.

17:17 Caller I'm like 5'2.

17:19 Drew 5'2, 1'66. Hold on a second. How many times is 6 goes in a 9, like 1.5, 1.5? I got 5'13, 16, and 179.5.

17:42 Adam Why would they lie about the height?

17:44 Drew I don't know. But the radio math doesn't lie. That doesn't lie. It doesn't lie. They lie about the height because if you're 4 and 150, as opposed to 7 and 150, you're better off. Hey, Becky? But you're calling from Wisconsin, so you're considered a waif, right? It's like you have an eating disorder. All right, baby doll. Will you keep going with that diet?

18:07 Adam And don't worry about this. It's not a big thing.

18:09 Drew Yeah. Start the diet after the holidays. Yeah? It didn't take much. Let's see. Oh, it's time to play Germany or Florida. Tell Josh how the game is played. It's sweeping. This may be your next Bravo show. Bring it on. It's all bizarre, macabre, death and crime and everything that's weird comes out of Germany. Deviant. Deviant crimes and behavior. It's either Germany or Florida. Interesting. It's a different kinds of crime and you'll see it will become more clear. But there's crime everywhere but not the kind of weird stuff that they have in Germany or Florida. So they tell us the situation we guess Germany or Florida.

18:56 Adam We don't guess. We tell them.

18:57 Drew We tell them. Go ahead, Josh. I mean Joseph, sorry. Joseph?

19:04 Adam Oh great. I'll draw that buildup.

19:05 Drew That big buildup. That's disappointing.

19:07 Adam Put him on hold. Do it again. Joseph?

19:10 Drew Caller who goes by the name of Joseph.

19:14 Adam All right. Oh, I forgot. Now, what was that? Oh, he's back.

19:18 Drew Joseph?

19:19 Yes.

19:20 Drew Germany or Florida?

19:22 Germany or Florida. This man is at his apartment huffing butane and he gets some munchies and has nothing in his apartment to eat, so he cuts off his toes, fries them up, and eats them on a sandwich.

19:37 Adam Nice. Good time. That is a classic Germany or Florida, you see? Now, the whole sausage sort of quality of this, snacks of Germany.

19:46 Drew Yeah, the huffing of butane felt a little like Florida, but then, yeah, but then, cutting his toes off and frying them up, and we'll put them on a roll. Was it a Kaiser roll?

19:57 You know, the story didn't actually say what kind of bread it was.

20:03 Drew All right. Let's continue here.

20:04 Adam Did Germans eat cheese with sausage?

20:06 Drew We got burned last night. I'm going, I'm going, I'm going Germany on this one, Josh.

20:13 Joshua Malina I think Germany as well.

20:14 Drew We're going Germany.

20:15 Well, Adam, you know, you're never wrong.

20:18 Caller Yeah, that's right.

20:21 Drew And that's how you play Germany or Florida.

20:23 Joshua Malina I like it.

20:24 Drew This is great. Celebrities sit around. We have some sort of lightning round at the end.

20:29 Caller Germany, Florida, Florida, Florida, Germany.

20:31 Drew We break celebrities off with contestants. They just sit there and it's almost like password.

20:36 Adam Put one in the glass booth.

20:38 Drew Yeah, you can't hear whether it's Germany or Florida. Yeah, we do that thing like the like when Ben Stein's money. Oh, Ben was eight out of ten on the Germany for Florida. Now it's your turn. Set the clock.

20:52 Adam He gets angry when he misses it. Stopping his feet.

20:56 Drew This could be bigger than paintball karaoke.

20:59 Adam Oh, yeah.

21:00 Drew Oh, yeah. I mean, but I really shouldn't even talk about that on the air. That's going to be so big. But that's the only thing that could top paintball karaoke. Possibly could be Germany or Florida. All right. Should we take a little break?

21:12 Adam I think it's a great idea.

21:13 Drew That's a fantastic idea. Josh Malina is here tonight. He is from the West Wing and also from the Celebrity Poker Showdown, which is on Tuesday night.

21:24 Adam Bravo. I'm sorry. I beg your pardon.

21:26 Drew Wednesday is West Wing. All right. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back.

21:37 Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Control free. 1-866-344-KNOW. W.

21:54 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam.

21:56 Caller That's Dr. Drew.

21:58 Drew Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Josh Malina is here tonight from The West Wing and also from Celebrity Poker Showdown, which is gonna be on Bravo, nine o'clock, Tuesday nights. Just missed it tonight, right? Is it Tuesday, Drew?

22:14 Adam It is Tuesday, yes. How was Kimmel?

22:17 Drew Kimmel was good. Was on there with Michael Irving and Method Man. It's always good to have the brothers on the sofa with you.

22:26 Adam Remember him, wow.

22:27 Drew Yeah, I don't even remember him.

22:28 Adam He was on our TV show.

22:30 Drew He was? Yes, he was. One day, here's another game beside Paintball Karaoke.

22:36 Adam Who's been on Loveline?

22:37 Drew Who's been on Loveline? You get a list. Let's say there's been 500 guests on the TV show Loveline. You get a guest of a thousand people and see if I can pick out 80.

22:48 Adam No way. It's gonna be hard. Hey, listen, for a long time, when the Method Man stuck in my head, but Crystal Method, I couldn't get.

22:55 And I confused them.

22:56 Drew Oh, the band, yeah. They've been on this show a hundred times.

22:59 Adam I understand.

23:00 Drew Yeah, I don't know. I think you're, well, I don't know what, I smoked a lot of weed. I don't know what your excuse is. I introduced myself to Janine Garofalo for the third time. She's like, there's nothing worse. And I mean, Drew, this has happened probably 30 times. I said, hey, they talked to the person who's been on the show five minutes before. Hey, nice to meet you. Thanks for coming on. I did the TV and the radio twice.

23:25 Joshua Malina I'm entirely capable of that.

23:27 Drew Can you do that?

23:27 Joshua Malina Yeah, absolutely.

23:28 Adam Yeah, but you could do it. We do it all the time.

23:31 Drew I just think-

23:31 Adam We do it regularly.

23:32 Drew You know what there needs to be? And I started adjusting myself after the Janine Garofalo incident, which is I stop saying, nice to meet you. I say, good to see you.

23:42 Joshua Malina Don't commit. Exactly.

23:44 Drew Keep it somewhere in there. And they don't know, celebrities don't know either whether you've met or they've met because they're always bouncing around, right.

23:50 Adam Somebody at the Kathy Griffin's party reminded me that Leah Remini had been on Loveline, the radio show.

23:56 Joshua Malina You remember that?

23:57 Drew Yeah, that didn't ring a bell.

23:58 Adam She was on the TV show, right? Remember that?

23:59 Drew That rings a bell.

24:00 Adam And we did her show that we canceled.

24:03 Drew Right. We've closed a few shows. Is that right? Yeah, so if there's ever any kind of contractual dispute or something and you want to get this celebrity poker showdown thing to go away, just kill it.

24:13 Adam You bring us on.

24:15 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah, we're the undertakers and we'll close that show right down. We've shut down a few sitcoms. We've been on the last episode. Sometimes we shoot it doesn't even air. The show gets yanked before it goes there.

24:26 Joshua Malina As long as the check clears, right? That can be a good thing.

24:28 Drew Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're probably right. Kate?

24:33 Yeah.

24:34 Drew Yeah, it is a good thing if you've seen Drew act. You're 23.

24:36 Caller I am.

24:38 Drew What's up?

24:39 Caller OK, I was listening to the show yesterday and you're talking about Krusty Box.

24:44 Adam That was not us. That was Nicole Richie.

24:46 Drew Well, I joined in with her. Yeah.

24:48 Caller And I totally agree with her that there's no excuse for it and everything. But the problem is, is I'm dating this guy that had been with three other different girls that were, I guess, really raunchy. And so now he won't even attempt to go down on me at all.

25:07 Drew No way.

25:07 Caller I've tried to like...

25:08 Adam No.

25:09 Drew I don't trust this guy.

25:10 Adam He's just blowing smoke.

25:11 Drew Unless he picked him up at like a bus depot or something.

25:14 Caller No.

25:14 Drew He just picked up, you know, 19, 20-year-old girls.

25:18 Caller I mean, I've tried to like say, if you need to check me out beforehand, I'm like, that's fine. I'm trying to be understanding about it. But he's just like...

25:26 Adam That's the point. That's the point. It has nothing to do with...

25:29 Drew Is he going to send a canary up there?

25:30 Adam It has nothing to do. It has nothing to do with that. He just doesn't like that. Yeah, he doesn't. That's just him. Period. How do I make him like it?

25:38 Uh-oh.

25:40 Drew How do you get a guy to like liver? You know what I mean?

25:44 Adam We sort of don't like that. When you say...

25:46 Drew Well, actually, use bacon if you want to get someone to like it. Rub bacon on your vagina.

25:51 Adam You and I generally just kind of don't trust guys that won't do their duty, generally.

25:56 Drew Here's where we'll include Josh in this, but there's a lot of guys that aren't into this. Here's the point. Guys aren't into a lot of stuff. You just do it. Absolutely. That's part of the deal. It's the deal you make when you're... When it's an unspoken contract.

26:11 Joshua Malina It's an implicit deal in every relationship.

26:13 Drew Yes. It's when you are going to have sex, you need to pleasure the woman this way. Hopefully she'll return the favor and all that kind of stuff. And when you make these proclamations that this is not something you do or had a bad day... That's a bad guy. And by the way, would this guy make that announcement with some spokesmodel who he's head over heels and love for? I say not. I say he gets down there.

26:38 Adam Well, I think there are two guys, ones that would...

26:42 Drew Gay.

26:42 Adam And ones that would not, would just get down.

26:46 Drew Well, yeah, I'm just saying, you're saying to a girl, I don't really care what you think of me when you say I'm not going to do this.

26:53 Adam That's right. And I don't care about what goes on with you.

26:58 Drew It's another thing that women don't know is guys will do some dating with women that we're not all that interested in.

27:05 Adam And so the thing is, just what they call them good enough for now.

27:08 Drew Good enough for now. So it's like, look, if you want to come over on non-weekend nights and give me a BJ while I watch some sports center and you got a nice ride and we can hang out and whatever, fine. But I'm not going down on you and I'm not going to buy any jewelry. And that's and I'm wondering if this guy may be that guy. Kate. How in do you think do you think this guy is?

27:33 Caller Well, I mean, he does different things for me. I mean, he. I don't know.

27:42 Drew How long have you guys been dating?

27:44 Caller It's just been two months.

27:45 Drew Two months. Two months. Does he call you every day?

27:48 Caller He does.

27:49 Drew What does he do for a living?

27:50 Caller He messages me on my phone all the time or he'll write me cute little notes and put him on my car. I mean, what's he do for a living? It's that. I just think he's.

28:34 Drew Really, All right, so look, you're gonna have to just tell him what you want, and he's gonna have to do it.

28:49 Adam Well, I don't want to freak him out more than, you know. Listen, stop worrying about freaking guys out.

28:50 Drew That is not where you should be, you have all the power.

28:51 Adam Don't worry about freaking him out. He's not some kind of, you guys are some kind of lemur or ferret that might just scamper.

28:54 Drew Guys, women act like they're sneaking up on, you ever watch us hunting shows? I just love when those guys are like, it's an eight pointer, come on, I'm gonna rub some bull urine on. We're gonna go, we're gonna crawl over here. And they're just like, they're trying to get it in the sights, they're trying to get closer. And if you step on a twig, it's just gonna gallop away up into the hills never to be seen again. Good, fine.

29:21 Adam A guy that's into you is more like trying to, you'd freak out a freight train. Yeah. More like you have a freight train turn around in real life. Really. And if the guy's spooking because of something inconsequential, he is not into you and you need him to be gone.

29:36 Drew Plus, let me say this, if a guy went down on a handful of girls and got hold of something bad, I don't think he'd be talking about it. I think he'd just be changing the subject and stuff. He wouldn't be going, yeah, I was going down on these other girls. I mean, just, hell, I can still taste them. I belched one up at lunch.

29:54 Caller And that was some pretty rank skank there.

29:57 Drew So I won't be going to, whatever story a guy tells you is not the story. He says something's weird, possibly gay.

30:04 Adam Yes. I got that feel too.

30:06 Drew Really? Brad?

30:09 Yeah.

30:09 Drew You're 19?

30:10 Joshua Malina Yep. What's up?

30:12 I've been having sex with the same girl for about a year now. And I'm having troubles with erection.

30:22 Adam Are you on medication?

30:24 No, I'm not taking anything.

30:25 Adam Are you, do you smoke a lot of pot?

30:29 Drew Nope?

30:29 Adam Anything about the situation when you go limp? Are you like, anxious about something? You're nervous?

30:35 At first, when we first started having sex, I was anxious.

30:39 Adam And that makes it happen. Now, do you worry about it happening again a lot?

30:42 Caller I have, but I kind of cut out that for a little bit.

30:46 Adam And it happened anyway?

30:47 Caller Now more it's just like, when we're having sex, maybe like halfway into it, I'm like, I'm gonna go limp.

30:53 Adam How long into it is halfway? How many minutes?

30:55 Drew Probably about 30 seconds. It's not in a minute.

30:57 Adam How long, how long?

30:58 Drew 28 seconds.

30:59 Caller About five, maybe 10 minutes. 10 minutes.

31:02 Drew Five, no, I said five or 10.

31:04 Adam Which is it?

31:05 Drew They, I don't know, cause there's 100% difference between five and 10.

31:08 Adam And an infinity in terms of most people's duration.

31:12 Drew Yeah, going limp when you're in is not a great sign. Is it, Drew?

31:17 Adam Well, I would think about anxiety, medication, you know, things like that.

31:21 Drew Yeah, but once you're in, you know what I mean?

31:24 Adam You should, well, a lot of, it happens to, you know.

31:26 Drew Everyone has butterflies before the big game, but then once the ball's kicked off and everyone's out there playing, it sort of goes away. If you're still nervous at halftime, it's something, there's something weird about that.

31:36 Adam I'll give you that.

31:36 Drew Especially if someone you've, a veteran like yourself, Brad, you've been with this girl for a year now.

31:42 Adam Is there anything, any story you want to tell us? Anybody cheating or problems or anything else going on in your life or her life? Or about her? I mean, anything about the circumstance that-

31:51 Caller We broke up for about, I don't know, maybe six, eight months there and she cheated on me.

31:57 Adam So you've been dating a year. You've been dating a total of four months?

32:00 Caller No, no. We were together for about it, for about almost a year and we just started having sex again.

32:07 Adam You know, anybody that goes, new, new, gotta smoke pot.

32:09 Drew You gotta smoke pot, right?

32:11 Caller No, no, really.

32:11 Drew Your name's Brad, you say new.

32:15 Caller I've smoked pot maybe five times in my life.

32:19 Drew All right, all today though. Hey Brad, is there something weird about when you guys broke up? Was she with your best friend or something?

32:28 Caller No, she was with another guy and that kind of bothered me, but I mean.

32:32 Drew Right, she was saying, you're bothered. She's bothered by the other guy she was with.

32:37 Adam And the limp problem happened after you got back together, right?

32:41 Caller Yeah, yeah.

32:42 Adam Not before?

32:43 Caller I think it happened both before and after.

32:46 Drew And then before and after.

32:50 Adam So this is maybe sort of Brad's thing.

32:53 Drew What about Viagra for 19?

32:56 Adam No.

32:56 Drew Why not?

32:57 Adam Well, I mean, why not? New.

33:00 Drew Second, Spectre Clouseau called the show.

33:04 Adam But Viagra, viable question, why not? But I wouldn't say, I wouldn't recommend.

33:07 Drew All right, but why? Well, I'll answer my viable question then.

33:10 Adam Because a healthy young guy, they don't like giving medication to him. She shouldn't be having physiological.

33:15 Drew How do we know he's healthy?

33:16 Adam That is for medical, physiological sexual dysfunction. What we're getting at with this guy is there's something sort of psychological going on here. He's anxious, he's something, something. We get a feeling something's up. We kind of feel like it's bogus. He's kind of, he's not high, but he seems very flat and detached from, you know what I mean? Something's up with your breath.

33:31 Drew Maybe he's angry, maybe they can't get, here's what happens to, I don't know if you ever went down this road, Drew, but I know I have, Josh, possibly you too, which is you're together for someone, with someone for a while, maybe six months or a year, you break up, you should break up. Then for some reason, somebody gets desperate and you get back. And you get back five months later.

33:54 Joshua Malina Always a mistake.

33:55 Drew You start finding out that they're with a couple of guys you knew and it's kind of weighing on you. And it's like, it's now all this baggage.

34:01 Joshua Malina It never goes back to what it was.

34:02 Adam Forget the baggage.

34:03 Drew And what it was is you broke up with, by the way.

34:07 Adam The reason and the experience, the breakup, the resentments of who they have or have not been with, it all adds up to intense anger. You're angry all the time. And it's hard to function sexually if you're angry. But he had it before too.

34:21 Drew What about, what diet change? Exercise? I don't know. What if, I wonder if-

34:27 Adam We're not gonna get to the bottom of this for a second.

34:29 Drew Brad.

34:29 Yeah.

34:30 Drew Do you beat off?

34:31 Yeah.

34:32 Drew How often?

34:34 Caller Yeah.

34:35 Adam Back that down a little bit.

34:36 Drew Let's get a-

34:36 Adam Go three times a week.

34:37 Drew Yeah, get up about three times a day.

34:38 Adam Three times a week.

34:38 Drew Three times a day.

34:39 Adam And see if that gives you a little more-

34:40 Drew Yeah, okay, yeah.

34:41 Adam A little more energy behind the-

34:43 Drew Yeah. Yeah, the penis.

34:45 Caller Right. Right.

34:46 Drew All right. That's cool. Well, there's once a day though. Is it plumbing's all working and everything?

34:50 Adam Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So it's something psychological in the relationship.

34:54 Drew We got a Germany or Florida. Yeah. What is that?

35:02 Joshua Malina I think that's Germany.

35:04 Adam That's Brad going to town there.

35:07 Drew Randy? Is that a bad connection? It just sounds like a bed springs. All right.

35:15 Adam Randy? Ryan, check that out.

35:20 Drew God's conspiring against the Germany or Florida tonight. Is that what it is?

35:24 Adam You see that moon?

35:25 It's wild. Yeah.

35:26 Adam It's huge.

35:27 Drew Now what's up? Is it gonna rain? They're talking.

35:29 Adam Really? They're talking.

35:32 Drew They're talking. Storm watch.

35:33 Adam What, for the night?

35:34 Drew I don't know.

35:35 Adam I got my car washed. I got my car washed. That predicts better than anything. I mean washing my car.

35:40 Drew I just, those pussies with their five day forecast and all their nonsense and I get sucked in every time because I'm always building something and I'm always like, oh, we better put a tarp on that. And they're always talking like they know too. And then we got high pressures moving in. Now, and then they start showing pictures. Now you see what happens, now look what happens here on Thursday, by Thursday, all of this moves toward the Baja Peninsula. But another front heads in and none of it ever happens. None of it. You know what I'd like to do? I'd like to just record this for one year, then go outside with a video camera, holding a newspaper up with that date on it and say the same thing and then call all these sea suckers into a room and go, okay, this is what you said. This was my view from my house that day. I don't see any clouds. You know what I mean? Like I would just, I would just, but I get sucked in. Ooh, it's coming. And when they just start describing, these guys could just, they could have a picture of Armageddon.

36:39 Caller And then Locus would start falling.

36:41 Adam It's coming for dinner too. It's like they're serving it up. You're ready for it. You've got a taste for it.

36:46 Drew Yeah, but they got the full sun. Then the next one, there's some clouds floating around. The next one is a guy with an umbrella and a thing. And uh-oh, oh, Saturday's going to be, oh, it's going to be torrential and nothing ever happens. And never the apology. All right. Josh Malina here tonight from the West Wing and Celebrity Poker Showdown. We'll take ourselves a quick break and we'll be right back. Here, buddy, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Joshua Malina's here and I was trying to eat something. What is that? What's crackling? What's going on?

37:39 Joshua Malina Fluid and cough drop. A little bit of a cold.

37:42 Drew Yeah, everyone's going nuts with this cold, Drew. It is wildfire.

37:46 Adam Because I gave you the flu shot, you ain't getting it.

37:49 Drew Oh, wait a minute, I didn't take the flu shot.

37:50 Adam Oh, wait a minute, that's right.

37:51 Drew I refused the flu shot. But let me look.

37:53 Adam Did I give it to you anyway? I thought I gave it to you, ultimately. No.

37:56 Drew Let me ask a couple of things. Okay, let's just talk about a few things. And by the way, Josh on Celebrity Poker Showdown. Yeah. Yeah. And the West Wing as well. Now, let's talk about this flu thing for a second. Because-

38:12 Adam It's not the flu.

38:13 Drew Okay, that's number one. Okay, just with the flu vaccine for one second, do we have to run out every goddamn year? They can't make enough of it.

38:22 Adam The last three years, we couldn't get it.

38:24 Drew We couldn't get it.

38:24 Adam That was the big thing. We couldn't get it in time, was having a problem with the batches. Then we got it, and we got it like in December. And the problem was getting everybody then vaccinated.

38:31 Drew Where does it come from? Northfall?

38:33 Adam I don't know. This year, we ran out except for the flu mist, the nasal spray, which is a live viral. A lot of it, there's a nasal, you don't take a shot anymore. You can just squirt a thing in your nose.

38:42 Drew Let me say this, by the way. Rather take a shot than squirt something up my nose if you think about it. Like, hey, you don't have to take that, feel that little prick in your forearm anymore. Just ram this rod up your ass. It's exploding rod. Oh, I don't have to get a shot? It's great. Yeah, we cut your head off and we dump it down your neck, but I don't get the shot. No shot? No. Shot, no big deal for guys.

39:08 Joshua Malina Does the nasal one work? It's as effective?

39:11 Adam It's more effective.

39:11 Drew More effective.

39:12 Joshua Malina And what if you sprayed it on someone else?

39:14 Adam It's got to get right up in there.

39:15 Drew I see.

39:17 Adam But it's more effective. And it probably will be better against this, the killer virus that's out there.

39:22 Drew Now, every year comes along.

39:24 Adam It's a live virus, so it's not a dead one though.

39:26 Drew Well, let's figure out this flu thing. I think people are confused by it. Every year comes around, around this time.

39:32 Adam Yes.

39:33 Drew Why? Why this time?

39:34 Adam Why the flu season now?

39:35 Drew Yeah, why now?

39:36 Adam The flu season hits in February, March. And that's when you need to have the peak antibody response to the flu vaccine.

39:41 Joshua Malina Uh-huh.

39:42 Adam So you're supposed to take it optimally in October, November.

39:46 Drew Oh, so that you're peaking?

39:48 Adam You're peaking in flu season, which is February, March, April.

39:51 Drew Oh, it is?

39:52 Joshua Malina And why is there a flu season?

39:53 Drew And is it always connected?

39:55 Adam Viruses have epidemiology. They run courses like in the other, like growth cycle. But why are they predictable? Because they're like, they grow in the environment, pretty like anything else. Like flowers grow. Yeah, like flowers, exactly.

40:06 Drew Oh, really? So I mean, it's like this apricot tree yields apricots in July.

40:12 Adam Exactly. Exactly.

40:14 Drew Sons of bitches, those little viruses. All right, so I thought now was cold and flu season.

40:21 Adam Cold and upper respiratory season.

40:23 Drew Yeah, so they do that flu thing.

40:24 Adam Which is not the flu, which is also virus, but not the flu.

40:27 Drew All right, so we're in cold and upper respiratory season.

40:31 Adam Yeah, that will go through February easily.

40:33 Drew But we're not in flu season.

40:34 Adam Not really.

40:35 Drew This is not flu season. And they administer the flu shots now so that we can build up the antibodies by March.

40:43 Adam Mm-hmm, February, March.

40:44 Drew Oh, I would just figure they'd give it to you now for next week. Oh, okay. So when you want to give me the shot, you're talking about for March.

40:51 Adam Yeah.

40:52 Drew Now what's everyone getting now? Cause everyone is sick.

40:55 Adam Is it a viral upper respiratory infection? Has no response to antibiotics. Virus means not to bacterial, therefore antibacterial, antibiotics.

41:04 Joshua Malina Virus, you just gotta wait it out.

41:06 Adam Virus can take a week.

41:07 Joshua Malina Rest fluid.

41:07 Adam And magically, people think because they take the Zithromax or the Bax or something and it gets better in four days, it's the antibiotic. It's gonna get better in those same four days when you take the antibiotic.

41:17 Drew So what, and this is by the way, why I tell everyone to relax when they're like, oh, you gotta go to the doctor, just sit down. Just quit smoking for a few days, you'll be fine. So what do you do?

41:26 Adam Just take decongestants and, you know, if you get wheezy, they're inhalers and things that are helpful. And do you steam yourself and rest?

41:33 Drew What's the best thing you can do? Is it rest?

41:36 Adam I mean, in terms of your body, best thing you can do is spend a lot of time in hot water and steam.

41:42 Drew Steam.

41:42 Adam That really helps it drain out and decreases the inflammation. Decongestion sometimes are helpful. Anti-inflammatory sprays like, you know, flow nase, nasonex, the nasolide, these things that anti-steroidal sprays and then inhalers can help decrease the inflammation associated with it.

41:56 Joshua Malina But now, if it goes into your chest, doesn't that mean it could be like bronchitis or something bacteriological?

42:01 Adam No, first the bronchitis just means inflammation of the airway, so it's going in the chest means you have bronchitis.

42:06 Joshua Malina Right, by definition.

42:07 Adam But for a bacteria to get secondarily on top of it, usually you'd have high fevers and that sort of thing. The one thing to watch out, if you get a lot of tan or yellow out of your sinuses, that's a sign that the science may have occluded. Some what are called anaerobic bacteria may be growing, and then, okay, then you get to know about it.

42:21 Drew Let me ask you a question.

42:23 Caller Are you a real doctor or just a love doctor? Yeah, that's what I thought. He's a psychiatrist. I love people.

42:32 Drew We have idiot Casio just sit here. Drew will go through that whole rigmarole and then during the commercial go, what kind of therapy do you do?

42:41 Caller It's doctor, jackass.

42:43 Adam I love when Adam defends me. He could abuse me for two weeks after that.

42:49 Drew He's a medical doctor for Christ's sake. Listen, all these other pussies and crackpots, you hear these crazy witches in their 50s who still think they look hot in a mini skirt and stiletto heels dispensing this bogus advice about sexuality. Everyone's called themselves doctor something. These are whack jobs. These are junior college degrees sitting around telling crazy people not to kill themselves. That does not make you a doctor. We got a real doctor here, everybody.

43:16 Adam Another week of abuse, Adam. It'll be fine. I'll take it.

43:19 Drew All right. So you get this thing, take it easy and get some steam.

43:24 Adam Don't listen. You take antibiotics, all you do is whatever bacteria that are in your body, you make them resistant to that antibiotic. So the environment, the world we live in will start developing bacteria that will no longer respond to antibiotics. So when we actually do get a severe infection, which could be life-threatening, if throughout history, that's what people died of, we could get back into that same period of history again, where antibiotics no longer work.

43:47 Drew And let's, it's time to do some weeding and forget about the seeding. I just want to wait. That's all. It's like, this is a hillside that needs to be, we need to chop it down because it's coming into fire season. Yeah. Control burn, control burn. That's what I want to run on the control burn platform. I'm talking about people here. We got a thing to hurt. All right, let's talk to Randy. Randy? All right, now we got you for the Germany or Florida. Go ahead.

44:17 Caller Oh, by the way, Drew isn't just a doctor, he's a real good doctor.

44:21 Yeah.

44:21 Caller You said he's a real doctor, but I think he's a real good doctor too.

44:24 Drew That's right. Go ahead.

44:27 Caller There's a massive fire, okay?

44:29 You have to get one of those helicopters with those huge buckets on it to scoop water out of a lake.

44:34 Caller And they continue scooping water, buckets of water out of the lake.

44:37 Drew Yeah, this is a wives' tale where they find the scuba diver.

44:41 How did you know that?

44:43 Drew Because I'm an adult. I'm not calling from Salt Lake on a phone shaped like a football. All right, Randy, this is old, this is bogus. Now listen, listen screeners, here's the wives' tale.

44:58 Adam Yeah, no wives' tale, no urban legends.

45:00 Drew The urban legend.

45:01 Adam We need guys cutting off body parts.

45:03 Drew And frying them up and eating them.

45:04 Adam That's good.

45:05 Drew Now here's the story, by the way. The story is that they find, after the fire is put out, they find a guy in a full frog man outfit, a burnt corpse hanging on a tree because the bucket went down and scooped up a guy who was snorkeling near the fire.

45:22 Adam In the Salton Sea.

45:23 Drew Right, right.

45:25 Joshua Malina They made an episode. I've seen that on TV.

45:27 Adam There was like a lake scuba diver.

45:29 Joshua Malina X-Files or something.

45:30 Drew Those guys, those guys know when they pick them up. Most of them just have snorkels. They drop down into the water and suck it up. But thank you.

45:37 Adam They don't go to scuba diving territory.

45:40 Drew To drop the bucket in. They try to stay away from the buoyed areas and the kids and the hot tube boats.

45:45 Adam They're going to reservoirs and things.

45:47 Drew Yeah, up in the mountains. Yeah, near the fire.

45:50 Adam Scuba diving?

45:50 Drew Yeah, they're not going to the Virgin Islands to get the god damn salt water and put the fire up in Mount Pena.

45:55 Adam That's right.

45:56 Drew Please. All right, what are we gonna do? Let's take a break. All right, Josh Malina here tonight from the West Wing and also Celebrity Poker Showdown. We'll be right back after this.

46:07 Caller Here it is. Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

46:13 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. So get your problems ready.

46:43 Drew Let Good day, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Josh Malina is here tonight from the West Wing and Celebrity Poker Showdown. I will be on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight if you care to see me. All right.

47:01 Adam Thanks for talking about that flu stuff, I think it's important for me to get out that last hour.

47:05 Drew Yeah, it's interesting, and I don't think enough people are aware of the facts surrounding it, and especially, like I said, if you work in a place like over at Jimmy Kimmel Live, there's a couple hundred people there, it seems like 75 of them are dragging their ass through there.

47:21 Adam That's your little environment there, the virus is going through there.

47:23 Drew That's why I keep telling everybody when they're laughing and slap me on the back.

47:26 Joshua Malina Doesn't Thanksgiving do that too? Everybody comes from all over the place and breathes on each other. Yep.

47:31 Adam Or airplanes.

47:31 Joshua Malina And it's over.

47:32 Drew That's my thing, no breathing. If you wanna come over, fine, breathe outside.

47:37 Joshua Malina Thanksgiving by video conference.

47:40 Drew Yeah.

47:40 Joshua Malina That would be.

47:41 Drew So we do. We all sit around. We have one of those triangular things in the middle of the table. Grandma, you there?

47:46 Caller Yes, I am.

47:47 Drew I can hear her coming through the door cause she's just in the next room. You see, she's not from Cleveland or anything. I actually move them around the house. It's nice. We have a picture of a turkey this year.

47:56 Adam You have to start out with it. Well, now everyone's here.

47:58 Drew Yeah. It's, there's conference calls where there's people. It's always like there's some talking. It's like, hold on. Bob Roletti just came into the room. It's always like, oh, shut up. Like, can we just have this conversation? And then I like when people announce too, they go, I think this is Tony Johnson, Adam. I think, okay, so I know you're the asshole that bring up this horrible idea. The conference calls really, it was gonna solve every problem about 12 years ago. Was it not? Yes. We're gonna have a conference call. That's gonna straighten everything out. Just turning a huge pain in the ass. Everyone's waiting. Once in a while, somebody drops off. You don't know they dropped off because they haven't said anything for 20 minutes. And you didn't know they've been gone for 19 minutes. They can't get back on. Here's how conference calls work too. There's 18 people, one guy does almost all the talking and everyone else just sitting there listening. It really just set up a loudspeaker at the blowhard's house. Yell at you. Yeah, but the conference call was gonna be something that was bigger than it was. It was gonna make a bigger difference than it did. Somehow we're gonna straighten out everything and it never really worked. It's a pain in the ass. All right, let's talk to Lee. Lee?

49:18 Caller Yes.

49:18 Drew You're 21. What's up?

49:20 Caller Yeah, so I'd like to talk to Dr. Drew. What's up, man? I am, I'm on probation now and I was sober for about two years and started using heroin again. Really? And I was wondering, because I don't want to go back to jail, I just wonder if there's any way I could detox myself if we know any kind of medications I could take.

49:48 Adam No, no, Lee, heroin, you don't detox outside of a hospital. Even if you could do it yourself, you'd keep chipping heroin. It just doesn't work like that. You have to be in a structured environment. You have to be there for a long time. How much is heroin these days?

50:02 Caller I don't know how much it'll cost these days.

50:04 Drew Yeah, but like how much is enough for a guy like you to get a daily fix?

50:08 Caller I only do a little above a bag a day. 20 bucks.

50:11 Adam Hey Lee, here's the deal.

50:12 Drew Yeah, well hold on, 20 bucks?

50:14 Caller Yeah.

50:15 Adam Here's the deal about your sobriety. You were smoking pot that whole time, right?

50:19 Caller The whole time when?

50:20 Adam Those two years of sobriety?

50:22 Caller No, I was in jail.

50:24 Adam Okay, so you're not sober, you were incarcerated.

50:27 Caller And then I got out and I was sober for about two months.

50:31 Adam Yeah, but you weren't in the program, you weren't sober, you just weren't using. And so if you're not in the program, what?

50:36 Caller I was doing AA and everything like that.

50:38 Adam You had a sponsor?

50:40 Caller Yeah, and then I just started back into the thing, but now I don't have any insurance or anything. And like, you know, if my...

50:48 Adam Then go to an NA meeting, grab a sponsor, get somebody to help you out through a tough detox. You may have to cold turkey it on your own. There are non-cold turkey ways to detox of bupren-X now and there's methadone and things, but boy, I'm starting to treat people regularly strung out on bupren-X. So watch out for that stuff.

51:06 Caller See, right now I'm detoxing myself on with Valium and Ativan.

51:10 Adam Yeah, well then you're gonna get strung out on that.

51:12 Drew So that Valium.

51:13 Adam Lee, look, Lee, you weren't sober. You really have never been in the program.

51:17 Drew Maybe put together a week or two. Hey, Lee. So if you go back to jail, how long you think you'll go back for? Two years.

51:28 Adam All right. Yeah, I hate to say it might not be a bad. It might be a life-saving move for you. But if not, you've got to find a county-funded bed in a sober living somewhere and get your ass in there.

51:36 Drew I know, but let me say this. You know, we end up making prison the county-funded beds. Like, hey, we don't have any money for the county-funded beds that cost 30 grand a year. But we got ones for the 55,000 a year cost to put the guys behind bars. And maybe they can pick up a trade or two, like how to make a spoon into a shiv. And they can get connected in there with the Mexican mafia. It's great. They really pick up a trade. Guys that aren't essentially criminals, they're essentially addicts. And now they get to hang out with the criminals and learn the stock and trade of the criminals. That's great. It makes sense. Hey, but we're tough on these people. We're tough on, I'll tell you who we're tough on. We're tough on the drug addicts. We're tough on gambling. Yeah, that's who we're tough on. Not so much the prescription stuff and the booze. And if you don't count the lottery and stuff, horse racing and paramutrient and dogs. And Texas hold them in a pie gown, stuff like that. But the other stuff we're tough on and it's the same with the drugs. Am I right? Yeah. It all makes sense. Listen, can we get a goddamn atheist in office for once and we just start doing stuff that makes sense? Let's just, that's it. No room for any policies other than what makes sense. Can't someone run on the what makes sense ticket? And here's the thing, like I would just say, it's not my ideas. I hired a bunch of doctors and a bunch of scientists and a bunch of therapists. We all just figured out what makes sense.

52:58 Joshua Malina Here's what- You'd lose.

53:00 Drew I know.

53:00 Joshua Malina You could run on that platform, it wouldn't work.

53:02 Drew Here's my drug policy. I got together a whole bunch of addiction medicine specialists and scientists and socialists and socialists. We worked it all out and that's what we're gonna do. Just don't you want to do that? What do you got for NASA? Just get a bunch of good scientists and mathematicians and stuff and put them together and get a rocket to the moon. Should we just do this? We do it, understand why we don't do it. Like we do it in economics, we do it in the sciences.

53:29 Adam We do it in the hard sciences.

53:29 Drew We do it in the military.

53:31 Adam We feel like it's voodoo in the soft sciences, the social sciences.

53:35 Drew It's not that big a deal to figure it out. Oh, we got it. We got a nice pragmatic atheist in there instead of some a-hole who's pretending to be religious. I love when they consult with the clergy and the stuff. I love when Bill Clinton, after one of his multiple BJs has a talk to his clergy.

53:54 Caller Well, I did some soul searching.

53:56 Drew Really? Or are you just looking, just searching your pockets for another Quaalude? Please. Soul searching. It's such a, it just, and here's the other thing too, then if you go in as an atheist, you have no excuses. You can't do that. You know, I talked to God or brought the reverend in or on Sunday, or we're gonna pray for the troops. I don't want anyone praying for the troops. I want them doing whatever is gonna be best for the troops other than praying. I don't want them praying on anything. I just want them doing stuff or not doing stuff. Waste of time. Plus there's no reason these guys couldn't work Sundays. You know what I mean? They have to sit in church all day. And they just want to get the picture coming out of the church, right? They don't actually go. I mean, like, do you think Bill Clinton, he was an atheist, had to be an atheist. Here's my argument with these guys. How can you be a very spiritual man and get BJs?

54:44 Adam Saw God then.

54:45 Drew He's not a, you're one or the other. If you really believe this crap, if you truly did believe it, how could you act this way? Do you know what I'm saying?

54:56 Adam Well, he's a weak man, he's a human flesh, that's all I'm saying.

54:59 Drew Oh, that's all it starts with. I don't even know what he was. Let's just get a good atheist or maybe a fantastic in there and take care of business.

55:07 Adam I did an interview with E where they built the case very strongly that he was a sex addict.

55:11 Drew Yeah, and he sounds like a sex addict. I mean, look, here's the definition of an addict, Drew, definition of addiction.

55:20 Adam Continued behavior in spite of consequence.

55:22 Drew In spite of consequences, meaning, first off, you're in the role of the president and you can't keep it together for a few years until you're out of office, number one. Number two, when he came in, there were the whole trail of allegations and situations and lawsuits and stuff. Like you knew that you're-

55:40 Adam He was on notice.

55:41 Drew You're on notice. You're on notice. And here's the deal, keep your pants up for a couple of years, you go out and you go out like a, you go out on top. Hey, history's very kind to you.

55:50 Adam He could go on a terror then too, you know what I mean?

55:52 Drew Then you just go sick.

55:53 Adam Yeah, it wouldn't matter.

55:54 Drew You go hit the lecture circle, you just bang coeds from here to-

55:58 Adam It wouldn't matter.

55:59 Drew From Washington to San Diego. That's what you do.

56:02 Joshua Malina So it's a compelling argument then. He was an addict.

56:04 Drew Couldn't do it, just like an addict can't. That's the thing. You tell an addict, listen, you do it one more time, you're going in jail, you do it one more time, you're going to divorce, you're going to lose your job, whatever, what's an addict do? What's an addict do? He does it.

56:17 Adam And we know we had the family history, which is the other thing that's part of the defining feature is mom was a morphine addict. He had the trauma. Because he would mom, he would be, they have horrible physical abuse and violence in the house. And there you go. That's the recipe for addiction. That's it. That's the recipe.

56:32 Drew Yeah. But we can turn to Fox News to find out what the truth is. What is that? How come there's no room for that in society?

56:40 Adam For truth.

56:41 Drew Yeah. A bunch of naïve old speculating.

56:44 Adam It drives me crazy because it's all journalists asking questions and they have no training, no theoretical framework to understand the kinds of questions they should be asking. They're just looking for facts from people who don't perceive the facts.

56:53 Drew All right, let's make a pact to get rid of everyone who's not us. I think that's what we're coming down to.

56:59 Joshua Malina Josh, you're lucky you showed up tonight.

57:02 Drew It could have been David Allen Grier sitting there and you'd be out.

57:05 Adam By the way, Josh is the other Yaeli we got on our little squad.

57:08 Drew Oh, he's a Yale man. I like that. I was always a Harvard guy. I was always a Valley College guy over in Van Nuys there, but we pulled for Harvard. That's the way we were. That was our sister school.

57:20 Adam Harvard High School it is, yeah.

57:22 Drew Yeah, Westlake. What did you think I was talking about? John? Yeah? You're 22? Yeah, I don't like your attitude.

57:34 Adam What's up, John?

57:35 Drew All right, what's up?

57:40 I was wondering about my girlfriend.

57:44 Joshua Malina Car jacking going on in the background.

57:47 I'm sorry, I'm at work, guys.

57:48 Drew Where do you work?

57:49 My girlfriend got a tattoo.

57:51 Adam Hold on a second.

57:51 Down below her panty line.

57:52 Adam John, hold on. You pumping gas?

57:55 And I like going down on her, and she likes it when I go down on her, too. I'm like a real man. I keep hearing about all these guys that don't like going down on women on your show. And I was wondering, she just got it Saturday, and I was wondering how long before I should possibly go down on her, because I don't wanna hurt her because of her tattoo and stuff.

58:18 Adam All right, hold on, John. A couple things. What are you doing there?

58:21 I'm free now. I already got a truck by.

58:25 Adam You a border patrol? What are you?

58:27 I'm a security guard.

58:29 Drew Security guard, like a loading dock or something?

58:31 Yeah.

58:34 Adam All right. And girlfriend got a tattoo on the skin above her vagina or on like?

58:39 Yeah, just above her vagina.

58:40 Adam So why are you worried about what you do to the vagina?

58:42 Drew There's one rubbing off on his forehead.

58:46 Adam You understand what I'm saying?

58:47 Drew Yeah. Well. Yeah, listen. He just wanted to hear his own voice on the radio. John, you don't have any real problems. You go down on your girlfriend. She got what's the tat of this is going to be good butterfly?

58:58 No, she got a heart moon with a stripe through it with some stars on it.

59:03 Drew No lucky charm spots. I had a girl who had the fruity pebble spots on there for a while. Yeah. Yeah.

59:12 Adam It could be the Trix rabbit too.

59:14 Drew That's a great cereal, isn't it? It's got marshmallows in it. It's for breakfast. Really? Marshmallows. Nothing else. How about we just take a lard making a ball and we roll it in marshmallows. The kids can eat that, wash it down with some chocolate milk and then we just get an IV of a Hershey syrup.

59:31 Joshua Malina It's good.

59:31 Adam Let's bring it on.

59:32 Drew Put them right in there.

59:33 Joshua Malina Yeah.

59:33 Adam What's the market plan gonna be?

59:35 Drew I like when Reese's Peanut Butter Cups came out with their breakfast cereals. Thank you.

59:40 Caller Really? Really?

59:41 Drew How about a plate of ribs? How about some rib cereal? Just baby back ribs. You don't use milk, you use barbecue sauce. I like people go, Hey, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups for breakfast. It's cereal. Oh. Okay. And the kids love it. Yeah. When we just empty the Reese's Cups into a bowl and up, I was like, I understand like, you know, free market and all that kind of stuff. But once in a while when Coke makes it, makes a good campaign for Coke for breakfast and Reese's, like I want to go, okay, Phil's, now you're pushing. You're pushing too hard now.

1:00:17 Adam They become tobacco companies.

1:00:19 Drew Yeah. Cigarettes for breakfast, Coke. You don't, you know what you do with the Coke. Here's how you take it for breakfast. You dump it on the Reese's cereal and then you just pull the marshmallows out. Lucky Charms put that on top of that. That's fine. That's right.

1:00:33 Adam But they're not too far off with the Reese's because you keister cube of butter. Most of those cereals are just concentrated carbohydrates. You might as well just concentrate more sugar.

1:00:42 Caller You might as well just eat them.

1:00:43 Drew Eat the peanut butter sugar cereal.

1:00:46 Adam That's the reality.

1:00:47 Drew Well, how bad do you have to be as a parent to go out and buy the Reese's peanut butter cup cereal for the kids? They're a pretty weak parent, yeah? What parent's worse, that one or the Sunny D parent?

1:00:59 Adam Sunny D's worse.

1:01:00 Drew That's Sunny Delight.

1:01:01 Adam Yeah, Sunny D's worse.

1:01:02 Drew That is the, you know how Mountain Dew is the nectar of the tards? That is the nectar of the adolescent tard. The pre-teen tard, to me, it's a-

1:01:12 Adam Tard to be.

1:01:13 Drew Tard to be, yeah. You get them started on the Sunny D.

1:01:16 Joshua Malina I don't even know what is Sunny D exactly.

1:01:19 Drew Sunny Delight is what stupid people think is orange juice.

1:01:23 Joshua Malina Is it juice-like?

1:01:24 Drew It says drink orange drink. Whenever you see drink, that's a bad sign.

1:01:28 Joshua Malina Like when cheese is spelled with a Z.

1:01:30 Drew Yeah, you see the Z, you see the drink, that's a bad sign. And yeah, it's just basically, it's just a bunch of corn syrup and orange dye number five mixed into some sort of god-awful compote that only retarded people respond to. Like normal, healthy, intelligent people take a swig of that stuff and immediately goes flying out of their mouth.

1:01:50 Adam I'll tell you a story.

1:01:50 Drew SpaghettiOs is the other thing.

1:01:52 Adam Oh, that's good stuff.

1:01:53 Drew Like if anyone takes a bite of that, doesn't immediately spit it at whoever spooned it to them is a retard.

1:01:58 Joshua Malina My sister loved those growing up. Of course.

1:02:00 Drew Yeah, growing up, but then her sixth birthday came around and she moved on.

1:02:04 Joshua Malina Fair enough.

1:02:05 Drew Right, what's up, Drew?

1:02:06 Adam Reveal, I did Wheel of Fortune in 1982.

1:02:11 Drew Really?

1:02:11 Adam A friend of mine went on and won a car and I thought, oh, this guy, I can do that.

1:02:16 Drew Bro, I'd love to see tape of that.

1:02:18 Adam I would too. When I, it was 1984, when I got my ass kicked.

1:02:22 Drew Really?

1:02:22 Adam And got about 40 liters of Sunny Delight.

1:02:29 Drew Are they trying to kill you? Yeah, it's like, forget about parting gifts, I'm being punished now. I got to schlep all this Sunny Delight home? 40?

1:02:38 Adam It was some ungodly, I'm a filled with fridges.

1:02:40 Drew Because you got a year supply.

1:02:40 Adam Yeah, it was just a huge amount of Sunny Delight.

1:02:43 Joshua Malina A year supply is one bottle.

1:02:44 Adam I had to keep it in the garage.

1:02:45 Drew No, my year supply is a thimble full of that poison for me. All right, and what, you had to drink it all though, because it's so cheap.

1:02:52 Adam No, no, I had to dispose of it though. I had to make sure it didn't get thrown in the trash, I had to dispose of it.

1:02:55 Drew Well, who'd you give it to? I can't remember giving it away though, I like it. Yeah, solvents and that kind of stuff. No, don't just dump it down the sink.

1:03:08 Adam No, there's a bunch of fish that's come up floating up in the ocean. That's right.

1:03:11 Drew Oh my God, one day I'm just gonna come up with a list of tarred food, tarred sustenance. Sunny D's gonna be right up there. Now maybe there's some booze you could mix with it. And by the way, that's how you know it's horrible stuff because no one's even figured out a way to dump booze in it and make it tolerable. You know, the Red Bull's horrible tasting stuff. It's they figured out a booze drink. They figured out booze with almost everything. 7-Up, Coke, everything's got a booze to it, but Sunny D, no, they can't even figure that one out.

1:03:38 Adam 1984. Think about that.

1:03:40 Drew Sunny D and Lack-R-Thinner, that's my drink. Yeah, it's good. True.

1:03:45 Adam Think about that.

1:03:46 Drew A year supply. And by the way, what, your bachelor, right? So you got 70 gallons of Sunny D and a 55 gallon drum of Mop and Glow.

1:03:55 Adam Yeah.

1:03:55 Drew Fantastic.

1:03:56 Adam Yeah, I lived in a condo with a little like eight by eight square.

1:03:59 Drew A good shag in the kitchen.

1:04:00 Adam Yeah. Yeah, eight by eight square linoleum floor in the kitchen for the Mop and Glow.

1:04:04 Drew 70, 70.

1:04:05 Adam I only made it like six by six.

1:04:06 Drew Yeah, a metric ton of Mop and Glow for your kitchen. Fantastic. All right.

1:04:10 Adam That's real. Real fortune. Real f-ing fortune.

1:04:12 Drew Pay anything for that tape.

1:04:14 Adam Me too.

1:04:15 Drew So Laura. Remember to have this back in the day if you were gonna be on TV, you just had to watch real hard that day. There's nothing you could do about it. There's no way to capture it.

1:04:24 Caller There's no tapes or anything.

1:04:25 Adam With the recording.

1:04:26 Drew Just stare at it real hard. Hope you memorized it. Go ahead, Solora.

1:04:33 Whenever I get close to a guy, I end up pushing him away and I wanna know why I do that.

1:04:41 Adam Well, it means that maybe, sometimes around 18 to 22, that's sort of a protective mechanism. You kind of have a healthy impulse not to get too involved. Sometimes it's a problem with intimacy. If you had somebody that died on you or your dad was distant or your relationships have meant, vulnerability has meant pain rather than intimacy. As intimacy approaches, naturally enough, you avoid it.

1:05:02 Drew Let me ask you a hypothetical, Solora. You have to drink a tumbler of either Sunny D or Mop and Glow. What do you go with?

1:05:12 Adam Maybe that's why they sent them together.

1:05:14 Drew No, maybe you mix them. Yeah, you cut it. No, but you chase it.

1:05:17 Adam Both drinks.

1:05:17 Drew You chase the Sunny D with the Mop and Glow.

1:05:21 Adam Yeah, there was something else like some crazy game.

1:05:24 Drew Solora, you get the home.

1:05:26 Adam No, no, no.

1:05:27 Drew It was something that game is the world's worst.

1:05:29 Adam I didn't get home. Something weirder.

1:05:32 Drew But the home game is yes. And it's like, hey, you sucked on TV. You can suck at home and you can remember every time you suck in your living room. Now, when you're playing this game, this is all you got.

1:05:41 Adam Oh, I get my ass kicked. The wheel went against me.

1:05:47 Drew What the hell was Solora talking about? Yeah, the wheel had it in for you, Drew. Hey, Solora, did your dad die or anything like that?

1:05:55 No. My parents are still happily married. The only thing I can think of is my mom has Huntington's disease. So I don't know if that's affecting anything like my relationship wise.

1:06:06 Drew Is it all Huntington's Korea or is it just Huntington's and then there's Huntington's Korea?

1:06:10 Adam It's all the same.

1:06:11 Drew It's all the same one.

1:06:12 Adam Yeah, Huntington's disease manifest with a Korea. Which it means a movement like this Korea form movement.

1:06:18 Drew Oh really?

1:06:19 Adam That's what Korea is. This is Korea.

1:06:20 Drew Korea is like Tai Chi?

1:06:22 Adam Kind of, yes.

1:06:23 Drew Well you got to get her some Noon Chucks.

1:06:27 Adam It's not always so fluid looking. Sometimes it can be very.

1:06:30 Drew Okay, so Korea just means that movement.

1:06:32 Adam Large, yeah, large abnormal.

1:06:34 Drew Why is it Korea?

1:06:35 Adam That's the name for it. There's probably some Latin derivative.

1:06:38 Drew Is it C or K?

1:06:40 Adam CH.

1:06:41 Caller CH.

1:06:42 Caller Oh, sweet.

1:06:45 Drew Salara, could that have freaked around?

1:06:47 Adam Well, it's a freaking thing. Have you been tested, Salara?

1:06:51 No, I'm going to get tested. And I think two months.

1:06:55 Adam Anything else going on in terms of psychiatry? You know, if you have that gene, it can manifest in all kinds of interesting ways psychiatrically, right?

1:07:02 Mm-hmm.

1:07:03 Adam So is it possible?

1:07:06 Drew When do you get, why are you waiting to get tested? I mean, should you wait until a certain age?

1:07:09 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:07:18 Drew It is? How long a process is that?

1:07:22 Adam Don't look at me. I have no idea. I imagine it takes a long time, but it doesn't take a lot of your time, does it?

1:07:28 Drew It takes some blood, right?

1:07:29 Adam Right. It might be a cheek membrane. Is it cheek or blood? Or both, probably. Well, be that as it may. Be that as it may. It may be something related to that biology, perhaps. It may be something related to being sort of affected by taking care of a parent with a chronic illness.

1:07:45 Drew I'll say a 19-year-old.

1:07:47 Adam And it could be a healthy thing, too, because a 19-year-old does not have time to have long-term intimate relationships yet.

1:07:53 Drew And are you attractive?

1:07:56 I guess I'm above average.

1:08:00 Drew That's good.

1:08:01 Adam So guys are coming after you, and that's...

1:08:02 Drew It's also something you do when you know you have the market back to Josh, but when you have a good hand, you know, you see a couple of Aces in the hand, you're ready to play.

1:08:11 Adam You're ready to play.

1:08:12 Drew Yeah. And you get... you're choosy. And you should be at 19. And by the way, you could just get three guys who you probably... you know, in a row who you probably shouldn't be with. They were smart. But go get tested for that, Huntington's Korea. Korea's the movement.

1:08:27 Adam Korea form. Choreoathetoid is really what it is.

1:08:31 Drew Real doctor or love doctor?

1:08:33 Adam Yeah. What kind of doctor would I be?

1:08:34 Drew No, no.

1:08:35 Adam Seriously, what kind?

1:08:36 Drew You're a therapist, right? Josh Malina here tonight from the West Wing and also from the Celebrity Poker Showdown. It says me and Drew are going to be on it, but we won't hold our breath out of it.

1:08:50 Joshua Malina On the radio table. Yeah, sure.

1:08:52 Drew Yeah, yeah. Us sitting there with Tom Likus. All right.

1:08:59 Adam And Imus.

1:08:59 Drew And Imus. All right. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:09:04 Caller Dude, you got issues.

1:09:15 Drew 1-800-LOVE-191 Josh Malina is here tonight from Celebrity Poker Showdown, which is on Tuesday nights, 9 o'clock on Bravo and of course, the West Wing. Many people think he's the president.

1:09:35 Joshua Malina I know.

1:09:36 Drew I'm assuming that. I was talking about it with Jimmy, who was calling me nuts, but I think he could run for president and do decently, just by virtue of fact. I think a lot of people would go, yo, let's keep him in for a second term.

1:09:51 Joshua Malina You're probably right.

1:09:52 Drew I think there's enough people.

1:09:53 Joshua Malina Stranger things have happened.

1:09:54 Drew Yeah. And I think he should run like he's running on a second term. He wants to be reelected.

1:10:04 Adam Let's see how long that lasts.

1:10:06 Joshua Malina That's a good idea.

1:10:07 Drew It'd be a bold strategy, but it just might work.

1:10:11 Joshua Malina It'd just be crazy enough to work.

1:10:13 Drew And he's, now wait a minute, now West Wing is coming in on, what year, fifth year?

1:10:19 Joshua Malina This is season five.

1:10:20 Drew Season five.

1:10:22 Adam It's time for re-election.

1:10:24 Drew Well, yeah. I mean, there is going to be, it's one of those, now is it one of those TV math things like, you know, like.

1:10:30 Adam Whatever they want.

1:10:31 Joshua Malina Yeah.

1:10:31 Drew You know.

1:10:32 Joshua Malina Yeah. It's unclear whether they'll try to go beyond eight.

1:10:34 Drew Kids get to be in high school for 13 seasons.

1:10:36 Adam Rock Rats are still babies.

1:10:38 Drew That's animated. But all right. Yeah. Do they.

1:10:41 Adam It's TV.

1:10:42 Drew Yeah. I don't know if they make timelines, if they talk about first term, second term, re-election.

1:10:48 Joshua Malina Well, on the show, I'm not working for the vice president. So I'm hoping they do have a plan for the new administration. Right.

1:10:55 Drew Get you up there.

1:10:56 Joshua Malina Either that or I'm being written off.

1:10:58 Drew Yeah. Yeah. That's all right. You got that thing on Bravo.

1:11:02 Joshua Malina Exactly.

1:11:03 Drew He's not on camera, though. Jennifer? You're 23?

1:11:09 Caller Yes, I am 23.

1:11:10 Drew What's up?

1:11:11 Caller Well, I recently met my online boyfriend. Well, I guess he is kind of my online boyfriend. He's from Vancouver. I'm from North Carolina.

1:11:23 Adam How'd you meet?

1:11:24 Caller We actually met on a website.

1:11:26 Adam And you came all the way up to North Carolina?

1:11:28 Caller Well, yeah. We knew each other on the website for about a year and a half.

1:11:31 Adam Where in North Carolina are you?

1:11:32 Caller I'm actually on the Outer Banks. That's on as far east as I can be.

1:11:37 Adam Wilmington or something?

1:11:38 Caller Do what?

1:11:39 Adam Is it Wilmington where we were?

1:11:41 Drew I'm just, I'm picturing a raft with a lantern.

1:11:44 Caller No, it is an island. It's not Wilmington. So he came down. We had a really good time. He was really great.

1:11:52 Caller He was really artistic.

1:11:53 Caller Everything was just wonderful about him. Such a beautiful person on the inside. No, the outside was wonderful too. The outside doesn't matter. He was here for two weeks. I'm just going to be able to interpret that for you. I'm just going to be able to interpret that for you.

1:12:11 Adam I'm just going to be able to interpret that for you. Oh, I see. She wants the outside not to matter.

1:12:19 Drew Right.

1:12:19 Adam I can't. All right.

1:12:20 Drew Then there's a lot of outside of you, right?

1:12:22 Caller No, really, actually, there's not.

1:12:23 Drew Big outside? Not the ass? Not a big outside of the ass, huh? All right. Now, you're an attractive woman.

1:12:32 Caller I think I am. Uh-oh.

1:12:34 Drew He's your delusional, semi-attractive woman. He's an attractive man, and everything's working out, but what's the problem?

1:12:43 Caller I got pregnant on depo, which is... Actually, my main question would be, I was totally under the impression that that was pretty much not possible. Are you overweight? No. Well, I'm slightly. I weigh 155 and I'm 5'5.

1:12:58 Drew Uh, radio math. Hold on.

1:13:01 Adam Delusional radio math.

1:13:02 Drew Delusional radio math. Internet radio math.

1:13:55 Adam So were you three months into that particular shot, or were you just, how far into the shot were you?

1:14:00 I've been a month and a half.

1:14:02 Adam And were you bleeding or not bleeding?

1:14:03 Caller No, no bleeding. I don't ever bleed on depo.

1:14:05 Adam No bleeding on the shot. Had you missed the shot at all? You've been on time with it?

1:14:09 Caller On time every three months for about three years now.

1:14:12 Adam Well, the one thing that people have been increasingly concerned with is about the women that are not, that may be a little bit above the sort of average body weight.

1:14:19 Drew Oh, we're just talking about this.

1:14:21 Adam Now, I don't know that the Depo-Provera type shots are ones we particularly worry about. The ones I've read about are more concerned with the estrogen.

1:14:28 Drew But it's like if you're going to dart a koala bear, you don't need that much. But if you're going to hit a rhino, you better get up the dose. But dose up or that baby will keep charging.

1:14:38 Adam You get pregnant.

1:14:39 Drew No, you know what I would like? We'll get back to Jennifer in a second. I love watching the tranquilizers kick in in the animal kingdom and the rhinos fall over, stagger a couple of steps toward the outback van and then fall over. I like the animals. I like that stage right when they tip over. Not much good once they fall asleep, but it's fun when they start getting to grab the bare falls off the tree. I'd like to just watch it. I just like to watch animals getting high and falling over. Once in a while, there's some pig that ate some fermented loquats or something. It's all high and jacked up, but especially when they've been darted. And the bigger the animal, the better. There's rhinos and hippos and stuff. They start falling over. I can watch hours of that. Why don't you work on that for Bravo?

1:15:24 Joshua Malina I will.

1:15:25 Drew When animals fall over.

1:15:27 Joshua Malina Yeah, sure. Why don't cops use those things? Why don't they shoot?

1:15:33 Drew Yeah, I don't know. I think there's- I think there's-

1:15:36 Joshua Malina Legal issues?

1:15:37 Drew Legalities, yeah.

1:15:38 Adam Things that make sense.

1:15:39 Drew They can beat the hell out of them with a maple stick, but you couldn't dart them.

1:15:42 Adam No.

1:15:42 Drew That wouldn't be right. And the pepper spray, depending on how much angel dust you have in you, it just seems to actually enhance your anger. Yeah, just-

1:15:51 Joshua Malina Ramp it up a little bit.

1:15:52 Drew Yeah. It's, you become aggravated and agitated. Jennifer?

1:15:56 Caller Yes.

1:15:58 Drew All right. So you're going to, well now what about this guy? He had a great time. How long were you with him?

1:16:03 Caller He was here for two weeks.

1:16:04 Caller I've known him for about a year and a half.

1:16:05 Adam So what's going to happen now with this pregnancy?

1:16:08 Caller Well, he doesn't believe it's his.

1:16:09 Caller It's wonderful that he's being terrible about the whole thing.

1:16:15 Adam I thought he was a beautiful person.

1:16:16 Caller I did too.

1:16:21 Drew By the way, were you guys having a beautiful online relationship? You spent a magical two weeks together and I'm imagining he's banging the bejesus out of you nonstop for those two weeks. Yes?

1:16:34 Caller The last few days of it, yeah.

1:16:36 Drew Yeah, and then that was some...

1:16:37 Adam The first few days begging.

1:16:38 Drew That was some built up love.

1:16:39 Adam Yeah.

1:16:40 Drew Okay, how come he doesn't believe it's his kid?

1:16:43 Caller I have no idea.

1:16:44 Adam Well, because he's an ass.

1:16:46 Drew Because he's a bad guy.

1:16:48 Adam He's not a beautiful guy on the inside.

1:16:50 Caller He's very far away. I think that he's really immature about a lot.

1:16:52 Drew He's very far away from reality.

1:16:54 Adam Yet you can't let go of that he's a beautiful guy on the inside crap? This is what the internet does. It just builds fantasy into a structure that is fixed.

1:17:03 Drew Right.

1:17:04 Adam So whatever the reality is makes no difference.

1:17:06 Drew Some horny canuck comes over after a year and a half bangs you every which way but loose and then goes back to Canada and then denies that he's gotten you pregnant. And by the way, I'm sure he had vicious sex with you for a day upon day. I mean, why wouldn't it be his kid? And by the way, you've been talking to the guy on the internet for a year and a half. Is there an ex-husband or somebody floating around that he can point a finger to?

1:17:30 Caller No, absolutely not.

1:17:32 Adam You live on an island? Are there other guys on the island?

1:17:34 Drew Yeah, so it's like, whose kid is it?

1:17:37 Caller Nobody's but his.

1:17:38 Drew Well, he's in denial.

1:17:39 Joshua Malina It's an insidious thing about the internet.

1:17:41 Caller He's been cruising with me all over the website and calling me dirty names, making up names. They're wonderful.

1:17:47 Adam Oh, this guy, this guy's a psychopath.

1:17:50 Drew Yeah, let me just tell you what's going on.

1:17:52 Adam Beautiful, beautiful on the inside, beautiful.

1:17:53 Drew Jennifer's just white trash, you know, and she feels bad and she got hooked up with some guy who's an asshole and she's making a fairy tale out of the whole thing. And this is, listen, you don't have to have the guy come in from Canada or get on the internet. You can just find, you can go down to the next trailer and find this. Yeah, when a guy knock you up and deny it's his kid and start slurring your name around town, just do it with the guy down and works at the Arco station, you know? You don't have to go across the border for this. Jennifer. How about giving the kid up for adoption?

1:18:28 Adam Please?

1:18:29 Drew Maybe.

1:18:29 Caller I don't want to make that.

1:18:30 Adam Good, good girl. Then you go from-

1:18:32 Drew Give the kid up for adoption.

1:18:34 Caller Maybe. I don't know. I haven't made a decision on that yet.

1:18:37 Drew Yeah, I know. But we'll make the decision for you. Give the kid a chance.

1:18:41 Caller I have a good job. I make good money.

1:18:43 Adam He or she needs two parents and they're stable and ready. You know, you're 23. Come on.

1:18:50 Drew No. One quick second. Let's define good money for just one second. What's the over-under? Over-under is 11.25 an hour.

1:19:00 Adam 19.50. Oh, an hour.

1:19:01 Drew An hour.

1:19:03 Adam Yeah.

1:19:03 Caller Yeah.

1:19:03 Drew Over-under 11.25.

1:19:05 Adam All right.

1:19:06 Drew Jennifer.

1:19:07 Caller Yes.

1:19:07 Drew How much do you make an hour?

1:19:09 Caller How much do I make an hour? 12.75.

1:19:13 Adam I was going to say 12.50.

1:19:14 Drew Yeah. That's not a good living.

1:19:17 Caller It's not about living for where I live.

1:19:19 Drew It's not a bad living. Yeah.

1:19:21 Adam For you, for one person. That won't pay for the diapers.

1:19:24 Drew It's not. Yeah. It's not bad when, when people are paying you to live in your apartment, but it's, it's not going to be good with a kid. And plus, he's got this bad Canadian blood in him. Just, you know, he's got that Alan thick blood running through him. I give the kid up for adoption. And just meet a guy. There's nothing wrong with you.

1:19:44 Caller I thought...

1:19:52 Drew I'm just going to be able to interpret that for you.

1:19:54 Adam Your judgment in real life may be better than across the web. People get these fantasies about who the people are that are in their own head and have no reflection or very minimal reflection of reality, that they aren't bothered with reality when it actually comes to bear.

1:20:11 Joshua Malina She thought they were a year and a half into their relationship.

1:20:13 Caller Right.

1:20:14 Adam But not into their relationship. Reginald was a great guy. Right. Great guy. And introduces him to us as that. Right.

1:20:19 Joshua Malina In fact, she was meeting a stranger.

1:20:20 Adam Stranger who's a psychopath, who's being horrible to her, yet won't let go of the nice guy that she convinced her to be.

1:20:28 Drew And even better, put it this way, you're much better online than you are in real life. But I just mean, you...

1:20:34 Adam You can put whatever you want out there.

1:20:37 Drew Not only do you not... Here's what I'm saying. It's not only do you not know the person, you know a different person. You're putting forward something else.

1:20:45 Adam That's right. You built something in your head. And that's the one you are having the relationship with. Not the real one.

1:20:49 Drew Oh, you bitches are so lucky I can't type, because it would be huge.

1:20:53 Adam Game on.

1:20:54 Drew With my imagination.

1:20:55 Adam You'd be...

1:20:56 Drew Oh, man, I'm lining up around the block. Elizabeth? You're 18? Yeah. See, here's what I'm not going to learn. Type. Then they put things in the alphabet order.

1:21:07 Adam I know.

1:21:07 Drew You know? It's like Q, W, E. What's this one?

1:21:12 Adam That's an R.

1:21:12 Drew That's an R. And then T? What? And then A? Come on. It goes all the way across. It's not like A, B, C. The A and the C are like far apart. The B is even further from the A than the C.

1:21:25 Adam The hideous thing, though, it can't be changed.

1:21:27 Drew We got to change it. We got to put them in order, man. I mean, I guess you go to that place where they keep the books. Where's that place?

1:21:35 Adam Bookstore.

1:21:37 Drew Library? People borrow books. They don't do that. It's not like they're tools or something. They borrow books. Anyway, Lib-Beth, what's up?

1:21:47 Well, me and my 24-year-old boyfriend have been together for about a month and a half now and we're both in early recovery. I have five months sober and he has three.

1:21:57 Adam Well, now Elizabeth. What? What is that all about?

1:22:01 What?

1:22:03 Adam What's the first rule of your treatment?

1:22:08 Drew No killing your sponsor.

1:22:10 Adam That's right. And especially not to newcomers. That guarantees failure. Guarantees relapse.

1:22:17 Drew Well, you guys didn't know each other before?

1:22:20 No. I live in a clean and sober house and he does too. Louis is his fourth clean and sober house. He's relapsed like 30 times since he was 18.

1:22:29 Adam Well, he's going to take you down this time. He's going to take you with him this time. You're the one, you're the life preserver he's going to hang on to as he sinks.

1:22:35 Right. Well, he's very codependent and so am I. I've been in like six relationships since I've been sober.

1:22:42 Adam Well, Elizabeth, that's more in the codependency, right? It is. Yeah. Six relationship in six months?

1:22:49 Yeah.

1:22:50 Adam Yeah. That's a little more in the codependency. That's a little chaos. Do you have a psychiatric diagnosis?

1:22:55 I've been diagnosed with manic depression.

1:22:57 Adam And borderline?

1:22:59 No.

1:22:59 Adam No. So the bipolar, is that being treated properly now?

1:23:03 No. I don't take anything I refuse to.

1:23:05 Adam Well, this may be the song.

1:23:07 Drew Don't listen to the man, baby. And by the way, your plan is work to perfection so far. It's perfect. I mean, nothing great. In and out of relationships and rehab.

1:23:18 Adam Elizabeth? Yeah. What's the first rule also beyond not- What's the first, the ultimate rule that you've completely disregarding in recovery?

1:23:25 Drew Oh, wait a minute. I know what it is. Something about Fight Club. If you don't talk about Fight Club.

1:23:32 Adam That's right.

1:23:33 Drew Yeah. Is that it?

1:23:34 Adam What is the first rule? It has nothing to do with not putting things in your mouth. What's the first thing you have to do? Very, very fundamental, most important thing you got to do to get sober.

1:23:44 Caller I'm not really sure. I didn't really too much pay attention to dream.

1:23:48 Drew As usual, tell everybody what-

1:23:51 Adam You have to surrender and you have to follow directions. And you're a non-surrendered addict. And at that point, you're in relapse. So it's just a matter of time before you put things in your mouth and start-

1:24:02 Caller I have come up with a lot of problems with my clean and sober house being put on a contract because my using behaviors come out more than others.

1:24:10 Adam Well, you're non-surrendered. You also must be a trauma survivor, right? Something happened to you growing up?

1:24:15 Caller Yes. My father left when I was months old and he was my mom.

1:24:20 Adam I'm sure things even worse happened to you. All right, so listen, you've got to let go.

1:24:26 Drew Plus, you're a chick. Yeah, so you're 18, you're a chick, you don't know anything. So just quiet down and listen to the experts. People are trying to help you. Let's give it up. Let it go. That's fine. You do what they tell you to do because they know.

1:24:40 Adam That's all you have to do to get well.

1:24:42 Drew Yeah.

1:24:42 Adam That's it. But the problem is that the powerlessness she experienced in childhood was so painful, so overwhelming, she can't let go. That's the conundrum in recovery.

1:24:50 Drew Let me explain what stupid is, by the way. Stupid is not knowing the answer. Everyone doesn't know the answer to plenty of stuff. It's not listening to people that know the answer. That's what stupid is. See, you can be stupid and then talk to the right people and go, Hey, what's up? How do we do this? How do we take care of this? And listen to those people. You'll be just as smart as they are. You'll just be doing what they tell you to do. You'll get all the collective years of wisdom and education and schooling and all the textbooks and everything they read right into your skinny little 18-year-old brain. But you start fighting with them, then you get nothing. By the way, the whole fighting thing never pans out. No.

1:25:27 Adam Well, don't listen to the man, Adam. You think you're the man, don't you, Adam?

1:25:33 Drew And let me tell you something, by the way.

1:25:34 Adam You're the boss of me.

1:25:35 Drew Nobody has to listen to the man. It's just you guys F up so much, the man eventually comes in and starts talking. It's not like you're just going through college, tra la la la la, getting on the dean's list, getting haze and volunteering down at the senior center, the man has to intervene.

1:25:50 Adam I beg to differ. The man doesn't intervene with anybody more than like doctors and people that are highly trained. That's what the man's really having a field day. I got news for you.

1:25:58 Drew Well, Drew may be right. But again, he's not a real doctor. All right. Josh Malina here tonight from the West Wing and Celebrity Poker Showdown. Take a quick break. Be right back. 1-800-LOVE-191. Hey, everybody, Loveline, Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Josh Malina is here tonight from the West Wing and also from Celebrity Poker Showdown. On Bravo. All righty.

1:26:35 Adam Let's take a Germany or Florida from Brian.

1:26:39 Drew Oh, phone screen of Brian. Where is he?

1:26:41 Adam He's going to just, I think, jump on the mark here.

1:26:44 Drew Phone screen of Brian.

1:26:45 Caller Yes, indeed.

1:26:47 Drew What's happening, buddy?

1:26:48 Caller Long time no see, fellas.

1:26:49 Drew Yeah. I miss you. He's one of the good ones.

1:26:54 Caller He's one of the good ones. Hey, I got a Germany or Florida for you.

1:26:57 Drew All right.

1:26:57 Caller And it's pretty darn good. A man confessed on Wednesday, this happened a couple of weeks ago, to killing and eating a willing victim he met over the Internet. Now here's what happened. He placed an ad on the Internet to find a willing victim to be cannibalized and videotaped. And a guy agreed to it. He said he got thousands of people, quote, seeking to fulfill their desires to eat humans or be eaten by Internet advertisements. He kept the skull in plastic bags of flesh in his freezer. He ate about 44 pounds of the flesh, destroying it bit by bit. Canada. Et cetera.

1:27:32 Adam One person? He was killed while he ate one person.

1:27:35 Caller One guy that they know of. And that's the one he's standing trial for.

1:27:38 Drew Now, I'm going to have to pull out because I know the answer to this.

1:27:40 Adam Oh, you've heard this one.

1:27:41 Drew Well, because I sit there at the writers meeting at Jimmy's show every day and a lot of stuff pops up.

1:27:47 Adam I would think if.

1:27:47 Drew But now, wait a second. I think there's a part that Brian may be leaving out, which is. The guy ate part of himself before he was then consumed by the other guy.

1:27:58 Caller Oh, I didn't see that part.

1:27:59 Adam So the guy that was eaten had already been eating himself.

1:28:02 Drew They cut a part off of him together and cooked it up before he ate it before he.

1:28:07 Caller Oh, no. You're right. Yeah. The part is his member.

1:28:11 Adam Oh, we heard this.

1:28:13 Drew You're going sick. You got to go. You got to go super sick, right?

1:28:16 Caller I guess.

1:28:16 Drew I mean, you're not going to use your small finger or something and do it halfway to penis. You go for the brass ring. And and and let me ask this, too. Did the other guy kill the other guy or did he have him kill himself? You know, for legal purposes?

1:28:31 Caller Here here's what it says, he, quote, killed him with a kitchen knife in the, quote, slaughtering room he had built containing meat hooks, a cage and a butcher's table. So he had set up the room especially for this.

1:28:41 Drew But we can't judge.

1:28:43 Caller That's a cultural thing. Walk a mile.

1:28:45 Drew Yeah. You have not.

1:28:47 Caller Here's what happened. Eventually, the victim lost consciousness and the man killed him with a knife. He hung the corpse up and cut it, filming the process. And they're going to show the film in the trial.

1:28:57 Drew Oh, that's going to be great to be on the jury of that trial, watching that macabre film. All right, fellas. What is it? Germany or Florida?

1:29:03 Adam Florida. I think we would have heard about this more if we were actually in Florida.

1:29:07 Joshua Malina That's why I was going to say Germany.

1:29:09 Drew Germany?

1:29:10 Caller And Adam, go ahead and break it to him.

1:29:12 Drew Germany.

1:29:13 Adam OK. That's great.

1:29:14 Drew God bless you, Brian. Wonderful. The feel-good story of the night, by the way. Pleasant dreams to everyone. Thanks, buddy. We'll see you in another couple of years. All right.

1:29:27 Adam You don't need to put them on hold.

1:29:28 Drew I don't know what I'd do with them. I like to put everyone on hold.

1:29:31 Adam In life, yes. I noticed you flicking that index finger when you're talking to people.

1:29:34 Drew Yeah, I do. I'm talking to my mom. I'm in the same room. I'm like... And now we're going to your grandmother's house now, what do you have Thanksgiving? What's wrong with this thing? I got to get that hold button worked out for people in real life, Drew. Oh, what a, what a Shangri-La I would be living in. Jim?

1:29:57 Yeah.

1:29:57 Drew You're 22?

1:29:59 Caller Yes.

1:29:59 Drew What's up?

1:30:01 Caller A little over a year and a half ago, a couple of buddies and I started taking those, the penis enhancement pills.

1:30:09 Adam What are those?

1:30:10 Caller They come into the stretches and it grows. It really, I don't know if it was the pill that did the work or the stretching that did, because that was brutal, but.

1:30:19 Drew Stretching you use a weight, right?

1:30:22 Caller Just your hands, you just pull on it, yeah, for five, ten minutes.

1:30:26 Adam That's good times. That's what Adam does all the time.

1:30:29 Drew I'll tell you, come.

1:30:29 Joshua Malina I never get ten minutes.

1:30:31 Drew I get about six tugs in and I'm done.

1:30:34 Adam What is in these pills?

1:30:36 Caller I have no idea. I had never really looked.

1:30:38 Drew Yohimbib, bark, something else. A little speed and a little sugar. Yohimbib just gives you some erection, that's all. Put a steady pressure on it.

1:30:53 Caller Yeah.

1:30:54 Adam How did you know, Adam?

1:30:55 Drew I don't know if it's tugging on it or yanking on it.

1:30:59 Adam What's the question?

1:31:02 Caller Since I stopped taking them, it doesn't get completely hard anymore. It doesn't have the input you used to.

1:31:10 Adam This is what I've always said about that stretching stuff. I can't believe the stretching doesn't leave you stretched. Not fluorescent.

1:31:20 Drew Ending up looking like a native that put a plate in his lip the size of a hubcap. It's to say you take it out and the thing just falls down to their chest.

1:31:28 Adam I don't think it's so much the pills as much as the stretching having done this.

1:31:31 Drew Just knock it off, guys. By the way, this is going to be great when you get liver cancer. They're like talking to your parents. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Jones, your son first has to go about four months to live with. We don't find a suitable donor. Second, a bunch of dong hardening pills I bought at the Army surplus store. Other than that, he was healthy. So he killed himself essentially trying to get a boner. It's great. It's great. You just send away for this crap and you just take it. Really? How stupid can you be, everybody? Stop it. And who is this for? And I, you know, I believe that guys who try to make their dick longer say it's for it's for them. But it's for them. Like they want to proactively do you know how crazy people pick at themselves and grab their junk all day? The retarded guys are always flapping around their nuts and stuff. That's what this is.

1:32:26 Adam So they also they're just self-esteem problems. They got to feel better. I got to make myself more bigger.

1:32:31 Drew Yeah.

1:32:31 Adam Better.

1:32:32 Drew Yeah.

1:32:33 Adam Great. All right. There you go.

1:32:36 Drew We'll be back. Alrighty then. Well, there's the show. Josh, God bless you.

1:32:54 Adam Back to him there?

1:32:55 Drew No, Bravo.

1:32:55 Adam He'll be there. He'll be there.

1:32:56 Drew Bravo has standards.

1:32:57 Adam Oh, that's right.

1:32:58 Drew They're not gonna have that. They're not gonna have us on the show.

1:33:01 Joshua Malina Do you guys play cards? Sure.

1:33:03 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, no. I mean, yeah. Yeah, see, I could be bluffing. I could be bluffing.

1:33:13 Caller You're good, you're good.

1:33:14 Drew You're good.

1:33:15 Caller No, no, no.

1:33:15 Drew You're on. I wear blue blockers and a visor. You're on. Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo Tuesday nights, nine o'clock, and of course the West Wing Wednesday nights on NBC nine o'clock. And so until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:35 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Tuesday, December 9, 2003