Episode 1000583650804

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:03 Adam It's Loveline.

1:05 Adam That's Dr. Drew.

1:06 Voiceover Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Nicole Richie is here tonight from The Simple Life. Tuesday nights, Fox 830, although last week there was Tuesday and Wednesday, right? You know, and here's the thing too. I think it aired, premiered Tuesday night and people thought, all right, well, they're gonna run another one on Wednesday and it's gonna drop off because of the curiosity factor. It's gonna be over.

1:32 Drew Didn't happen.

1:33 Adam Did higher ratings. Yeah. Yeah, big ratings both nights. But they ran two separate, they ran a separate episode, different episode Tuesday than they did on Wednesday.

1:44 Adam Yeah, I think the reason they did that is because the first one was sort of an introduction and they showed us meeting the family and they didn't really get into us working. And then the second episode was kind of us getting down and dirty and, you know.

1:55 Adam Is this, how long has this been around before you guys went and did it? I mean, was it an idea that's been kicked around for a while or did you just hear about it and do it?

2:05 Adam I would say that it got brought to my attention around November or December and then we left. Yeah, and we did it in May.

2:15 Adam Oh really? Yeah. They just moved forward with it. Yeah. And that was Arkansas.

2:20 Drew That was in the day when people were trying to reinvent the Beverly Hillbillies, remember that? And this was Greenacres.

2:25 Adam Well, what happened was is they were gonna do a real Beverly Hillbillies with like some Ozark Mountain family.

2:32 Adam I heard that, I heard that.

2:33 Adam And the Ozark Mountaineer Society wrote a very nasty letter with a lot of misspellings to it. Here's how they knew it came from them. They didn't email, it was via carrier pigeon. True, what happened to the harnessing pigeons? All right, so they scrapped that, but this is the reverse actually. And the first off, the town is, what's the population of Althus, Kansas?

2:59 Adam I think it's Arkansas, sorry. I think it's 800 or 600. Yeah.

3:06 Adam Did you grow up out here in LA?

3:08 Adam Yeah.

3:08 Adam And you knew Paris for, since you were kids, babies?

3:12 Adam Since we were two years old.

3:13 Adam How, because your dad, your dad's a Lionel Richie, you see friends with the Hiltons or something?

3:18 Adam Yeah, our parents are friends and they sent us to the same nursery school when we were three. And just because our parents are in the same social circle, so they sent us to the same piano teacher and tennis instructor.

3:29 Adam I'm gonna kick my dad, right? You know, my dad had one goddamn friend, his name was Vince, and for my birthday every year, I would get a card with a nickel in it for each year I was. I was like, nine nickels, that's 45 cents. That's very hot.

3:46 Drew What's Vince doing now?

3:48 Sit.

3:48 Drew Time?

3:49 Adam Somebody died and he got an apartment building so now he can live. It's great. So, all right, so now your father, Lionel Richie, obviously, I don't know, he's probably in the Hall of Fame, is he not?

4:02 Yeah.

4:03 Adam And, you know, millions of records, millions and millions and the whole thing, and Michael Jackson, Godfather. I was gonna, you know, the question then arises like, well, has this changed you, but from what? Do you know what I mean? And your reality is different than someone else's reality.

4:21 Drew Most people's reality.

4:22 Adam Well, most people, but you could almost say that about almost anybody depending on how they grew up. I mean, everyone's circumstances are a little bit different.

4:30 Drew Yes, yes, yes.

4:31 Adam You know what I'm saying? But have you changed?

4:34 Adam I really haven't. I'm just the same, the same me.

4:37 Adam But you could have been bad before.

4:40 Adam I don't think I was that bad before.

4:42 Drew Are they contemplating a new go-around?

4:45 Adam They have spoken about it, nothing like formal, but I have heard talks of a second season, yeah.

4:51 Adam Mm-hmm. And how you stay in touch with Paris. Did you guys get into it? I mean, it's tough to be with somebody in these. I beg your pardon.

5:02 Adam Everyone asks me that, but if you think about it, it really doesn't make sense for us to fight because at times it was kind of us and it was them. And they didn't understand why we always, I mean, we always wanted to go out. We always wanted to do something. And they have downtime and they're downtime. And they just sit there and do nothing. And we didn't understand why we didn't want to just sit there.

5:20 Drew This would be utopia for you.

5:21 Adam Yeah. Mr. Downtime.

5:23 Drew Oh my God.

5:24 Adam I'm going to propose.

5:25 Drew They don't all touch their genitals while they're sitting there in my age room.

5:27 Adam They love downtime.

5:28 Adam I'm going to propose a show to Fox called Downtime where I join the same family, but we don't do anything. We just, they're like, we're going to stay in tonight.

5:38 Drew I don't get that.

5:39 Adam To do what?

5:40 Adam Watch TiVo.

5:41 Adam They don't, but we couldn't watch TV there because that's not good TV to watch us watch TV. That's what I'm saying. Like we literally had to sit there.

5:49 Adam I don't know, Drew, don't they got these square things with words in them? Yeah, those were books. Books, books. What about the books? There's a place where you can borrow them.

5:57 Adam That's not good TV either to watch us read books.

5:58 Adam All right. So you went out, did you do anything grotesque or anything? Did you have to?

6:04 Adam I preg tested a cow and-

6:06 Adam Pregnancy test?

6:07 Adam Yeah, you like, Paris didn't do it. She would not do it, but I stuck this latex glove up to my elbow and they put like a little baby oil on me and I was like, no, let the cow have something. So I poured the whole bottle of baby oil on, shoved my hand up the cow's ass. And the thing is though, is that it's so gross because he doesn't want you in there. So he's like pushing and if you, I didn't want to be in there either.

6:31 Adam He's pushing like trying to check his belly.

6:33 Drew You're checking for pregnancy?

6:35 Adam Yeah.

6:35 Drew He in the ass?

6:38 Adam Oh, hold on a second. The ass part I was gonna go with, but the he part was a red flag. Whatever. My ass and he, yeah.

6:46 Adam It's a girl, but the thing is like, if they're not pregnant, you can move your arm around in there and like do all these things.

6:52 Adam In the vagina though, right?

6:54 Adam No, you stick it in the ass.

6:56 Adam Yeah.

6:56 Adam But for some reason, you could feel everything through the ass.

7:02 Drew That is good times.

7:03 Adam See, I've always said that. Always. I said you can, you know, they say the eyes are the window to the soul.

7:08 Drew No, no, you've always said.

7:09 Adam It's always the rectum.

7:11 Drew The fist and the rectum, you've always said that.

7:13 Adam The fist and the rectum. That's how you can really separate the weed from the chest.

7:16 Adam They loved it.

7:17 Adam The cow?

7:17 Adam Yeah, you should try it. It's cool.

7:22 Adam Really? How come the cow liked it?

7:25 Adam I could tell, like when he walked away, he like instead of just running with the other cows or whatever, she, she would like look back at me with a little sparkle in her eyes. She's like, you know, like winked at me a little bit.

7:37 Drew They called it much more dame or.

7:39 Adam But you know what's funny? You know what's funny? I wonder if, like if I was doing this, it would be important that it was a she cow. They're like a big difference so my arm wouldn't be gay.

7:49 Adam I just called cows he's because they're such, they're so big and ugly. So I just called them he.

7:54 Adam Well, you got your bulls for that. But the point is, I wonder if it makes it good for you to have, you'd rather have your hand up a he than a she. Yeah. Oh, maybe not.

8:05 Drew No, no, she's all right. Women are much more fluid about these things. Relax. She's not so uptight.

8:11 I'm open.

8:11 Drew You're uptight.

8:12 Adam So you and Paris, thick as thieves still. You didn't get a, pardon me, but an ass full of each other while you're stuck in this cabin.

8:21 No.

8:21 Adam And she's all right. She's doing okay with the tapes and all this stuff. High food and Vince. That's a great gift. I gotta tell you, no better gift for an 18 year old who graduates high school than a three pack of popcorn. You got your cheese.

8:36 Adam You got the caramel.

8:39 Adam You got your cheese. You got your rave brother. I had to send him back $7.

8:43 Adam That's good.

8:44 Adam $6.4.

8:44 Drew $3.99.

8:46 Adam Jesus Christ. Who gives people popcorn, the tin of popcorn? Oh my God is my family low rent. Jesus Christ. I'm gonna kill everybody. Popcorn, tin of popcorn is a great. Here's the whole thing. If you can't pony up $10 for a graduation gift, just keep it, right? Am I right?

9:05 Adam I mean, I would love the popcorn.

9:08 Adam That's a little. I'm tired of you princesses making like you're cool with everything. I love popcorn. You would attack him and stab him with a crocheting needle if he got you a graduation gift.

9:17 Adam I love popcorn.

9:19 Adam All right, but if that was your graduation gift, the tub of popcorn.

9:22 Adam Be grateful, okay? They need to put you on the simple life.

9:26 Adam Yes.

9:27 Adam You're not grateful for anything.

9:28 Adam Next year. What for what?

9:30 Drew Nicole, you've got good instincts.

9:32 Adam Please.

9:32 Drew Read this guy quick.

9:33 Adam Laura, that's easy for her up in her ivory tower to look down on me crapping in my popcorn can and tell me to be grateful.

9:40 Drew Let them eat me. It's not easy to look at by the way. It's not an easy thought to maintain.

9:44 Adam Yeah.

9:46 Drew Laura.

9:48 Adam You're 22? What's that? I'm 22.

9:52 Yeah. It's a good age to be.

9:54 So, but my question is, I'm, you know, I've never had an orgasm in my life and I've been sexually active since I've been 14 years old. And I was wondering, is it like biologically predisposed that some women are incapable of having orgasms or?

10:13 Drew That's fairly unusual. It's very common for women under 22 to have difficulty, but after around your age, things should start working a little bit. Let's ask some questions. Are there reasons that you could be having trouble? Do you have any medical problems?

10:26 No, I'm not taking any medication. I don't have any medical problems at all.

10:32 Adam No orgasm with the oral sex?

10:34 No orgasm with the oral sex.

10:37 Adam Do you like, are you dating these guys? Do you like these guys or are these guys that you just?

10:43 Most, they're usually guys I'm dating.

10:45 Drew You like them?

10:47 Yeah, you know, I like them. I'm not really that promiscuous and all.

10:50 Drew Have you ever had a boyfriend?

10:51 Yeah.

10:52 Drew And do you have any trauma history? Were you abandoned or anything you think we should know about?

10:57 I've had some, you know, like bad sexual encounters when I was younger and whatnot. How old?

11:03 Adam What's that mean?

11:04 Drew Hell yeah, tell us about it.

11:05 Crap in a tin? Well, you know, like when I was younger, I was raped and-

11:09 Drew How old?

11:12 The first time I was probably 13 and the second time I was-

11:17 Drew No, so like a third child gets raped means somebody sexually abused you before that.

11:22 Right? Yeah.

11:24 Drew Okay, so you could just, cause you're a sexual abuse survivor. That's a whole different situation, right?

11:30 But it's like, you know, it's like I'm really-

11:34 Adam You're past it, it doesn't affect you anymore.

11:38 Drew Yeah, you're not. It's left an imprint on your body, and that needs to be sort of worked through.

11:42 Adam Well, what have you done? Have you gotten some therapy?

11:46 When I was younger, I went to therapy, but I kind of just really don't have time for it much anymore. Cause I go to school and I work like 60 hours a week, so it's kind of inconvenience as of right now.

11:57 Drew Basically what those kinds of traumas do is parcel off parts of your brain. It leaves the brain not integrated and naturally enough, if there was pain associated with the sexual abuse in childhood, it kind of parcels off that part of your body from the rest of your body too. So there's less sensitivity and less reactivity to the arousal. So it is something that would take a lot of work and a lot of time and something you ought to be interested in.

12:19 Adam Hey, Laura. I know you're real casual about the history of all the sexual abuse you've been through, but that's really going to screw up your sexual antenna. It's going to bend it. And it's going to be hard to have orgasms anyway, 22. But uh... But being... Going through what you went through is going to make it almost impossible. And it's going to give you trouble with relationships and everything else. So why don't you focus on that for a little while and then get to the orgasm stuff. There you go. I don't know. What do you want to do? Some kind of cream to rub on yourself? I mean, look, you got to do therapy, especially if you've been sexually abused that way. As a young person.

13:02 Drew By the way, we had to pry that one out of her.

13:05 Adam She really didn't want to say. And it's not like she was young. She was 13.

13:07 Drew No, no, no. Then she had a child, too. Before that. The rape was at 13. Then she had a child with sexual abuse, too.

13:12 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

13:13 Drew Which is what happens.

13:15 Adam Well, here's the thing, too. I think people think if they can make something casual to other people, it'll be casual to them, too. Like, if you can just sort of, oh, yeah, I'm past it now.

13:26 Drew Well, they're convincing you and themselves, but more than that, if they're not in immediate pain now, if they're not experiencing pain now, they're past, as opposed to realizing the reason they've sort of the way they've managed that pain is by pushing it away and changing how their brain works and needs to be undone. Mm-hmm.

13:45 Adam Well, listen, speaking of childhood sexual abuse, Nicole's step-godfather, I should say, is Michael Jackson. Innocent, did he do any of this stuff?

13:55 Adam I don't believe he did, no.

13:56 Adam Did you go over to Neverland and hang out and ride the rides and everything? Oh, sweet. That is nice, like when you're five years old and all throughout your life?

14:08 Adam I really stopped going there when I was like... I'm sorry, I have the flu. I really stopped going there when I was like 13 or 14, just because I was in school and just doing my own thing.

14:20 Adam Screw boobs. He threw her out.

14:23 Adam Got weird for her.

14:24 Adam No, but for the girls, for the gals, it's okay. I mean, I think you could do it. But did you... And I know you don't want to say anything bad about the guy, but... And who knows what happened, but it always seems like he seems focused on the young boys and not as focused on the young girls.

14:42 Adam I mean, I don't know because I'm not a young boy, but I do know that if I ever called him and had him call me back, he would call me back in two seconds. I really don't think that it has to do with boys or girls. I think it's just kids. He just likes being around kids.

14:53 Adam Hmm. And so you spent a lot of time there when you were younger, but then as you got older, you got out of there. Why?

15:00 Adam I mean, I didn't get out of there. I was just doing my own thing. You know, you're 13. It's like I was over Michael Jackson.

15:09 Adam And you want to be cool, too. You don't want to be riding a Ferris wheel, looking a snow cone without Michael Jackson.

15:14 Adam That's what I'm saying. I was very just caught up in my whole like pager cell phone in high school type of thing.

15:19 Adam Yeah.

15:20 Adam Yeah.

15:20 Adam And you want you're in a Nirvana anyway. You're not into Michael Jackson.

15:24 Adam Exactly.

15:25 Adam Big time. Trevor. You're 18. What's up?

15:30 Caller Yeah. Can I ask you a question? First of all, I know Nicole Richie is going to be on the phone. Can I ask a personal question? Have you ever slumped in your life?

15:38 Adam What's slumped?

15:40 Caller Get down from, you know, from the rich folks to a slump.

15:44 Adam Oh, slump. Slump is when you, like, hunch over, dear.

15:47 Adam Slump. Yeah, when you call people dairy, you have never slumped. Well, she's here. We've got to figure this is slumping.

15:54 Adam I mean, I was on the phone. You know, I was in Arkansas for a month.

16:00 Adam Yeah. Let me say something. Let me cut Trevor off over here. Look, here's the whole thing. I was poor for a long time. It sucked. Now I'm not poor. It's better. I don't need to go back to being poor so I can keep it real every six months. Being poor should be, it should be like a crappy school that you want to graduate from as soon as possible. And this whole thing of like, oh, yeah, well, you've never been poor. So you should go back and be like, I don't know what it's like to live with polio. Should I cut a leg off so I know what it's like? Screw know what it's like.

16:30 Drew This is what I say to people that when you try to relate to people have addiction, this sort of thing.

16:34 You've never had it.

16:35 Drew You don't know by fall that logic. Therefore, only cancer survivors should be cancer doctors and just the specific cancer that you have.

16:42 Caller Yeah.

16:42 Drew That's the only thing I can treat.

16:44 Adam Listen, her dad wrote three hundred number one songs. She's had a good life, but I'm sure you've been well, see, it's all real. It's all relative.

16:54 Adam Well, also, you know, I want to say this is that it's it's and I'm not, you know, pointing my finger at you, Trevor, but it's it's like people that that don't really know. And then they try and bring me down like, oh, well, you've never lived like this. The point of doing the simple life was to show that it's not the material things. It's not the money that makes you happy. I mean, I've had difficult times in my life as well. And I think that it's the people that kind of judge me. I think that they're more superficial than I am because I'm I understand that everybody goes through things in their life. It doesn't matter how much money you have.

17:30 Adam Trevor. I don't want to complain. I don't care. I'm just want to complain.

17:35 Who's the jack off and he cuss?

17:36 Adam Can we cut him off? Oh, he cussed. Trevor tried to slump one time when he was trying to blow himself in high school. But his mom opened the door and he hit his head on these.

17:44 Adam Trevor's new name is Slumps.

17:46 Adam Slumps.

17:49 Adam Slumpy balls.

17:51 Adam Slumpy balls. Trevor slumpy balls. All right, we cut Trevor off because he used the F and or S word. He's being rude to our guests. Yes. Here we have another question for Nicole. John?

18:06 Yes?

18:07 Adam You're 26? Correct. What's up?

18:10 Caller How you doing, Adam? Long time listener, first time caller.

18:14 Adam Great.

18:14 Caller Great guy. I have a question for Nicole.

18:17 Yes, gorgeous.

18:20 Caller I was wondering what you learned from being on the show.

18:23 Adam I'm sorry?

18:24 Caller What did you learn in your words from being on the show, the simple life?

18:28 Adam For me personally, I really learned a lot about family values and morals. My parents are divorced and I did not grow up in a family that ate breakfast, lunch and dinner together and told each other the truth all the time. And I really respect the way that they live. And that for me was the biggest lesson. It was a much bigger lesson than any job that I worked out there. Yes, I did.

18:54 Drew Did we show up down there when you were in school there?

18:55 Adam I don't think so.

18:56 Drew That's about when we were going down a couple of times.

18:58 Adam What years did you go?

18:59 Adam We went a couple of years, maybe four years ago and then again five years ago.

19:04 Adam Maybe I was there.

19:05 Adam She was making the scene. She wasn't spending Friday night listening to you. You'd be telling stories of crap and intense. She was out on a Friday night having a good time.

19:13 Drew Filling your ass up with Jacuzzi water.

19:15 Adam Why'd you ask her if I went to college?

19:16 Drew I'm just curious because at college everyone's just a college student and I imagine you were just another college student.

19:22 Adam I was just a college student.

19:23 Adam Yeah, with a private jet.

19:24 Caller So what would you say you learned from the working man, Nicole?

19:29 Adam From the working?

19:30 Adam Yeah, from the working stiff. What'd you learn?

19:35 Adam I just learned that it's really hard, which is definitely what I expected. Yeah, I mean it really sucked. It really did.

19:40 Adam Yeah.

19:41 Adam But I mean I have a lot of respect for people that do that. It's much harder than anything that I could do. I couldn't do it, I'll tell you that.

19:47 Adam They're farmers on the show?

19:50 Adam They're farmers, they're people that work at fast food restaurants, gas stations, veterinarians.

19:58 Drew Dream jobs for you.

20:00 Adam Veterinarian I can handle.

20:01 Adam It's brutal.

20:01 Drew Stuff you aspire to one time.

20:02 Adam They're having good crappy jobs?

20:07 Drew In real life?

20:08 Adam No.

20:09 Adam Don't bother. Here's the whole thing about all that stuff. I worked at McDonald's. You can imagine what it's like working at McDonald's, right?

20:18 Adam I worked at Sonic, yeah.

20:19 Adam Oh, that is a good crappy job. You worked at the burger joint over there.

20:22 Adam Not really. Are you asking in the show during that month or in my life?

20:28 Adam I mean in your life.

20:29 Adam No.

20:30 Adam But you've done it in the show. I did it in the show.

20:32 Adam I mean, I did it.

20:33 Adam The point is it sucks. Why bother doing it? Don't challenge yourself. You got your own entrance. Mm-hmm. That's the point. And a cow's got its own entrance, too.

20:43 Drew That's an accent.

20:43 Adam I want to put my hand up a cow's ass.

20:47 Drew You want to?

20:48 Adam I would, no. I would not want to.

20:50 Drew For fear of what the cow might do, yeah.

20:51 Adam Not just a...

20:52 Adam You would like it. It's warm.

20:55 Drew Yeah.

20:55 Adam Drew could piss on me. It'd be warm.

20:57 Drew He likes that.

21:00 Adam That's what I'm saying. Did it come out a different way?

21:02 Drew No, I just wanted to make a point.

21:04 Adam All right. Nicole Richie is here tonight from The Simple Life on Fox Tuesday nights, 8.30. We'll take ourselves a quick break and we'll be right back.

21:14 Hello, this is your radio.

21:29 Adam Hey, yo, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLVE191. Nicole Richie is here tonight from The Simple Life. Fox, Tuesday nights, 8.30. Nicole was just saying during the break, she heard sex didn't get good until you were 60.

21:46 Adam That's what my figure skating coach told me.

21:48 Drew Well, you're a figure skater too.

21:50 Adam Good for you. Yeah, but not for the fellas.

21:53 Drew No, guys, guys, it starts dropping off about 20.

21:58 Adam Yeah, let's just say you drew a chart, Drew. Let's just say, let's just say.

22:04 Drew For guys, it's purely the intensity of the physical experience, purely. Right? There's really nothing else on the scale.

22:11 Adam All right, so it goes something like this, and maybe hits its zenith, and then it sort of does this. You're like, come on, let go of my pen here.

22:21 Adam At 20?

22:22 Adam You're like, you're like 35, it's just, it's just, all of a sudden, it's just free fall.

22:26 Adam Let me ask you guys a question.

22:27 Adam Well, hold on a second. Then it actually curls in on itself. That's when you tuck your junk between your legs, and you nail yourself in the ass. Yeah, but you're about 37.

22:37 Drew Ask us something, what?

22:37 Adam About 37 occasion.

22:38 Adam Let me ask you a question. Is it true, one of my guy friends told me, that once you start dating a girl, as soon as you have sex with her, right after, you become 50% less attractive?

22:50 Drew The girl does?

22:51 Adam Yeah.

22:52 Adam No. Not, not.

22:53 Drew Depends on the situation.

22:55 Adam Is she just brutal afterwards?

22:57 Adam No, no. She doesn't become 50% less attractive the day after you have sex with her. It's a year after the first time you had sex with her, or six months. You mean, there's a stock drop somewhere in there.

23:13 Drew If you are really into that person, to begin with, that will stay.

23:19 Adam If you're in love or really into the person, it can be glorious and it can up things, depending on how the experience went.

23:25 Adam I heard a whole dinner conversation with these young guys. I mean, these guys were 18 to 22.

23:31 Drew They're retarded. They're retarded. They're assholes and they're just getting laid. They don't really care who they're... No, they are. They're big assholes. They're big idiots. But they don't really care.

23:42 Adam And who are these? Listen, don't take this the wrong way.

23:44 Adam No, I was just at dinner with friends and I was hearing this conversation.

23:47 Adam I don't trust these guys. Okay, here's what it is. Yeah, these guys are assholes and... No. Now, it is true that at a certain point in the relationship, it sort of slides into a different kind of thing.

23:59 Drew If a guy is just trying to get laid and has now done that, the attractiveness of the partner could drop off 90% to the guy.

24:08 Adam If that's his only motive.

24:09 Drew That could drop off 90%.

24:10 Adam Well, that could happen with a girl also. That's not my question. I'm just saying like a guy, let's say he's really, really into a girl and then he sleeps with her.

24:17 Drew No.

24:18 Adam No. Unless she's got a smelly hoo-ha. You know what I'm saying? If the box. If the box. Crusty box. If there's some crust on the box, that can be a deal breaker.

24:28 Drew Vomit, please.

24:29 Adam But I'll be back. You know, that's how I am. Because you know what? I'll give them a pass. Maybe they ate Thai or Mexican. Maybe they didn't.

24:40 Adam I really don't believe there's any excuse for that. And I'm saying this as a girl. There is no excuse.

24:45 Adam For the crusty box?

24:46 Adam For the crusty box.

24:47 Adam What if you just took a spinning class or something?

24:49 Adam Then don't go over to the guy's house. Go take a shower. Take care of yourself.

24:53 Adam And you're clean down there, right? Yeah.

24:55 Adam Just respect yourself. It's a matter of self-respect, in my opinion.

24:59 Adam Right. Use the big rubber glove with the loofah hand on it.

25:03 Adam I take the same glove that I used to pre-test the cow. And wash the box with it.

25:08 Adam Sweet. You know, let me say this, it wouldn't be a bad thing. You know, they got these, and I'm sure you got this at your house. You live in a nice house. They have the showers that have just more than... Here's how you can judge how you're doing in life. How much water hits you when you get in the shower. When you go, when you live in some crappy apartment, van eyes, you got the, you got the, you got the showerhead, you got the water saver. It's like a dwarf.

25:40 Adam I've heard that. It was the hard water. What is hard water?

25:42 Adam No, not hard water.

25:43 Drew Just no water.

25:44 Adam Just dribble. This is the state-issued water saver showerhead. It's like a dwarf's pissing on you. That's it. It's just like some drunken dwarf is standing on the edge of the shower, taking a leak on you. It's like nothing. But when you get a few bucks, you get a better showerhead. But if you got real bucks, like the coal over here, you get it coming from all sides. You get the whole thing, you get the cascade from the left and the right, from the top. What about a little action from the bottom?

26:07 Adam Well, they have bidets for that.

26:08 Adam I know, but why bother hitting the bidet when you're in the shower already? How about a little upward shot?

26:13 Adam That's actually a good idea.

26:14 Adam You could dial it in, pow, right in the box.

26:17 Drew That's the point of the removable shower head.

26:20 Adam Why should an important celebrity...

26:22 Drew He doesn't want to do it manually. He doesn't want to move his hands.

26:24 Adam He doesn't want to move his hands.

26:25 Adam Here's all I'm saying. Once you get it, and I could use one for the backside of the box, you know what I'm saying?

26:30 Drew Oh man, could you?

26:31 Adam Once you get those things go in the right direction, you get a couple of ones in there.

26:35 Adam So it goes up from the bottom and then the lower half of the side to get the crack.

26:40 Drew Adam, you'd have to go to one of those veterinary places and see what they use to hose the animals in.

26:44 Adam I need to be dunked. Let's face it. But here's what I'm saying. You get hit. You got the shower coming down on top of your head. You want to clean the crack or the sack or the trunk or the chunk or the p***s of the p***s off. It's coming down on your head. You got to do that weird hand scoop thing and try to scoop it up. You're giving yourself a mild enema. You know what I mean? Just scoop it. Wouldn't it be nice just to have something shoot up from the 45 degrees in the corner?

27:13 Adam But that might be uncomfortable. It's like something shooting up your box.

27:15 Adam But you can control it.

27:17 Adam And then there's girls like that that won't get an orgasm because they'll just stand in their shower and get water shoved up their box all day. I wouldn't leave my shower.

27:24 Adam No, you wouldn't. Oh.

27:26 Drew And that's a bad thing?

27:27 Adam That's a bad thing. Look how clean you'd be. You'd never leave. I'm just saying you get your box and your lunch too.

27:35 Drew Another one of your genius ideas.

27:36 Adam I'm just saying shoot it up. Let's have it going up. I don't mean directly underneath. It's an angle.

27:42 Adam And then you should have a button that someone comes and licks it after you're done.

27:47 Adam Your box.

27:47 Adam Test it out, dear.

27:49 Adam Yeah. Sampler. Yeah. You have some.

27:52 Adam And feeds you pizza. You eat the pizza and they lick the box.

27:55 Adam This is why we need to get together.

27:57 Drew Oh, my. We should invent it. You guys have been married.

27:59 Adam We should invent it.

28:00 Adam Yeah. I'll just stay home thinking of new ways to clean the box.

28:04 Adam And then call me.

28:05 Adam Yeah. And we get some hermaphrodite.

28:07 Drew Is this what the simple life is about? Is this what you guys talk about?

28:11 Adam A servant.

28:12 Adam Clean the cow's box.

28:13 Adam A hermaphrodite servant. You know, no sexuality.

28:15 Drew Yeah.

28:21 Adam We'll get a food taster, too, just in case. All right. Rose, I need my own entrance. Rose, you're 55.

28:28 Nicole Richie Yes.

28:30 Adam What's happening, baby doll?

28:32 Nicole Richie Well, I just got married to this guy from Colorado, a little town in Colorado. And he cross dresses.

28:41 Adam That's so hot. I love it.

28:45 Oh, you like that?

28:46 Adam I like that.

28:47 Nicole Richie And he makes videotapes.

28:50 Drew Of the two of you?

28:53 Nicole Richie We had domestic violence and we were in jail. And while he was in jail, he met this whore from Denver.

29:00 Adam Whore from Denver.

29:03 Nicole Richie And made a videotape with her.

29:05 Adam In the joint or when he got out?

29:07 Nicole Richie Yeah.

29:08 Drew Did he go in as a female or as a male?

29:10 Nicole Richie Oh, he had his flip on.

29:12 Caller All right.

29:13 Adam Hold on a second. Rose, you need to turn your radio down.

29:17 Nicole Richie I have a TV. Let me turn it off.

29:22 Adam Hold on a second.

29:24 Caller First off, how effing retarded do you have to be?

29:26 Adam She had the sweetest voice. How loud does your goddamn TV have to be when you're on a national radio show? Do you know what I mean? Yes.

29:32 Drew You've got to be able to hear it while you're talking.

29:35 Nicole Richie Oh, good.

29:35 Adam We have the stupidest callers on the planet. Rose. Rose.

29:40 Nicole Richie I guess you haven't had any calls from Akron, Colorado. She'd have stupider people.

29:45 Drew Is that your husband you're talking about? Your violent, cross-dressing, no-count husband.

29:52 Adam No.

29:53 Nicole Richie I don't know if he's a pervert, homosexual.

29:56 Drew No. You know that he met a woman who's actually a prostitute?

30:00 Nicole Richie A whore.

30:01 Drew While in jail and made some films with her?

30:04 Nicole Richie Right. Made a video.

30:06 Adam Okay. But let's ask a couple of quick questions. Mm-hmm. How does he get to meet the female population of the prison?

30:13 Nicole Richie Because we were just in holding cells. Yeah, I was there, too.

30:18 Adam What did you guys do to each other?

30:20 Nicole Richie Domestic violence.

30:22 Drew What did you do?

30:22 Adam What? Just be... It's fine.

30:26 Nicole Richie He broke windows of a car and I went in and saw him and shook him.

30:35 Adam So that's not...

30:36 Adam She shook him with a tire iron. Listen, Rose, still they put everyone in a holding tank and they don't break you up into sexes?

30:49 Nicole Richie We weren't in the same holding tank, but it's just a little hit town.

30:54 Adam All right.

30:54 Adam Well, you weren't in the same holding tank, but he was with the chicks and you...

30:58 Nicole Richie Right.

30:59 Adam How did he get a video camera in the holding cell?

31:03 Nicole Richie He didn't have the video camera. The officers had the video camera.

31:07 Adam The officers...

31:09 Drew No, no, no.

31:10 Adam Took your husband, who had cross-dressed with a whore.

31:13 Nicole Richie No.

31:15 Drew No, we don't.

31:16 Nicole Richie I swear it. It's true.

31:18 Adam Well, first off, you're borderline retarded and insane. So, whatever you swear on doesn't mean anything.

31:25 Nicole Richie Well, I wasn't going to swear.

31:27 Adam But here's the point.

31:28 Nicole Richie And I'm not borderline and retarded.

31:30 Adam All right. Then you're fully retarded. You're actually in the middle of Retardville.

31:34 Nicole Richie No. I ain't retarded and I ain't retarded. Okay.

31:41 Adam Now, listen. What do you guys do for money?

31:45 Nicole Richie What we do for money?

31:48 Drew Hold on a second.

31:49 Adam Always a bad sign.

31:50 Drew When they answer your question with the same question.

31:53 Adam Now, the only thing worse than what do we do for money is...

31:56 Drew Right now. Yeah.

31:59 Adam Right now. Right now. Okay. I predict multiple jobs.

32:02 Nicole Richie He works on his mother's ranch.

32:05 Adam Works on his mother's ranch.

32:06 Nicole Richie Yeah. He's a little mom-a-boy, too.

32:10 Adam And her ranch is...

32:11 Adam Does he practice the cows? Yeah. Does he cross-dress while on the ranch?

32:19 Nicole Richie She don't know it. What did you say about the cows? Because I didn't know it then.

32:23 Adam I'm sorry.

32:24 Adam I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

32:26 Nicole Richie I'm sorry.

32:26 Adam I'm sorry.

32:27 Nicole Richie I'm sorry.

32:28 Adam I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

32:30 Nicole Richie I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

32:33 Drew I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You have some disability or something?

32:38 Nicole Richie I'm on disability.

32:40 Drew For what?

32:42 Nicole Richie I have a few problems, an aneurysm.

32:47 Drew That doesn't put you on disability. Why are you on disability?

32:49 Nicole Richie That's why I'm on disability.

32:51 Drew What kind of aneurysm?

32:53 Nicole Richie Aortic.

32:55 Drew Thoracic, abdominal, which?

32:57 Nicole Richie Right, aortic, abdominal, that does not put you on disability.

33:06 Drew You had an aortic replacement and you went into kidney failure. Are you on dialysis now?

33:10 Nicole Richie No.

33:12 Adam Hold on a second.

33:14 Nicole Richie My only question...

33:15 Adam Don't they need her back at NASA? We got a launch coming up in a few months.

33:19 Drew What's the point? JPL has been looking for her.

33:22 Adam Rose, listen to me. I want you to get a divorce from this guy.

33:27 Oh yeah?

33:28 Drew Yeah.

33:28 Adam Why? Because he's an abusive, alcoholic, cross-dresser, mama's boy.

33:37 Nicole Richie I never said he was abusive. How did you know that?

33:39 Because he is.

33:39 Adam He just said domestic violence. Yeah. So that would be categorized as abusive.

33:45 Nicole Richie You go no go for launch.

33:47 Drew Yeah. Do you have no head injuries or anything like that, Rose, in your past?

33:51 Adam Nothing like that.

33:51 Adam But what happened? Were you abused as a child?

33:54 Nicole Richie Not that I know of.

33:56 Adam Really?

33:56 Drew What did you do for a living before your aortic replacement?

33:59 Nicole Richie I was a supervisor for a bank.

34:02 Adam Really?

34:03 Nicole Richie Mm-hmm.

34:04 Adam A piggy bank or a full-size bank? I'm picturing a small bank.

34:08 Nicole Richie No, a big bank. Yes. I have a brain.

34:14 Adam You're capable.

34:14 Nicole Richie Except when it comes to love, I think, with my heart. And I'm an asshole.

34:20 Caller All right.

34:21 Adam But look, look, Rose, I'm feeling bad now. We don't want to beat you up anymore. But here's the thing.

34:26 Nicole Richie Oh, you're not getting me upset.

34:28 Adam I'm not getting you upset. Getting you upset. I'm not getting you upset. I'm not getting you upset. Not getting you upset. I'm not getting you upset. I'm not getting you upset.

35:22 Drew Not getting you upset.

35:30 Adam Right.

35:30 Drew He's beaten the crap out of the car.

35:32 Adam Yeah.

35:32 Drew As though it were.

35:33 Adam Yeah. This guy just seems like very, very defective, to say the least. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Nicole Richie is here from The Simple Life. Fox, Tuesday nights, 8.30. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Nicole Richie is here tonight. Nicole is one of the stars, along with Paris Hilton, of The Simple Life, which is on Fox Tuesday nights. You can check that out tomorrow night. Find out what all the buzz is about. Did amazing ratings last week, and should end two shows. Both did great ratings. And so what's next for you, besides promoting this?

36:31 Adam Well, right now I'm actually in the middle of shooting on The Eve Show. I'm guest starring on it, so I was there all day today. I'll be there all day tomorrow. And then I'm going to start recording an album like in January after the New Year.

36:45 Adam Mm-hmm, piano, violin, and cello, she was telling Drew she plays, as well as singing. Is it, if you can play the violin pretty good, does it help you with the cello and vice versa?

37:01 Adam They're actually kind of different. I mean, I can't play guitar at all. Cannot play guitar to save my life.

37:06 Adam Oh, really?

37:07 Adam Cannot play it.

37:08 Adam All right, but this one's, no one plays, uses the bow to play the guitar, except for Robert Plant. Who plays it for Page? Robert Page? Yeah, you know, when he's doing a guitar solo for Led Zeppelin, Drew. Get hip, gets the bow out.

37:27 Adam Jimi Hendrix played with his teeth.

37:29 Adam Yeah, Hendrix played with his teeth. I didn't know Anderson yelled the Hendrix, but he didn't play with his...

37:36 Drew Jimi Page.

37:39 Adam Oh, I said Robert Page?

37:40 Drew Yeah, we both played.

37:42 Adam Drew, you're no help. All right, where are we going? Back to the phones. Speak to Heather, who's 22. Heather?

37:52 Caller How are you?

37:54 Adam How are you?

37:55 Caller Great. I went to the U of A.

37:57 Adam You did?

37:58 Caller Yeah.

37:59 Adam What years did you go there? Wait. So we were in the same year.

38:07 Caller Well, I was in theater. Like, what was your major?

38:12 Adam I was a dance major and an English major. I was a double major. But did I hang out with you ever?

38:21 Caller No, I don't think so. But I hung out with a girl. But I don't know.

38:27 Drew Heather, pull over. You've got to pull over. Pick a cell.

38:36 Caller Anyway, so yeah, okay. I have this question for you guys. Okay, I'm 23 and I'm dating this guy and he's about 40. He's almost 40. That's really hot. Yeah, no, this is the thing we don't ever have sex.

38:51 Drew Oh, that's not good.

38:52 Adam Why not?

38:53 Caller Like, okay, four times this year. I kept track.

38:56 Drew Since when?

38:57 Adam This year.

38:58 Drew Two weeks ago this year or what?

39:00 Caller No, this year. January.

39:01 Drew Since January. Like this year. I understand. I'm just.

39:06 Adam Four times this year.

39:07 Drew In 2003.

39:07 Adam You know what's so weird is I have friends that have these older boyfriends and they don't have sex. Let me ask you a question. Are you hot? Be honest.

39:15 Caller Well, I mean, I'm like.

39:17 Adam Hold on a second. I love that. Are you hot?

39:20 Adam No, I mean, you know, it's no one knows it's her. So I'm just saying, like, just I mean, I'm asking this for a reason. So just be honest. Are you hot? Yeah.

39:27 Caller Not to be like snobby or anything, but I think I look pretty good.

39:30 Adam I mean, I'm just saying that there's some.

39:32 Caller If I were a guy, I would do me.

39:34 Adam That just kind of like. That just kind of use girls as their kind of handbags almost, you know, just kind of like arm candy. Is he a businessman?

39:44 Caller But like, I don't know.

39:47 Adam I'm just saying, like, that's my that may be I mean, I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just saying, like, I know friends that go out with older men and it's really not about them having sex with you. It's about them showing you off and saying, look at this young hot tail that I've got with me.

40:03 Adam Well, it's an interesting point because 80 percent of a lot of guys going out with women is who how people perceive them. It really is, sadly, not who they marry, but who they go out with. And oftentimes who they marry. Somebody said to me, hang on a second, Heather, somebody said at work the other day, if you landed on some planet where nailing big fat chicks was was considered the pinnacle, how long would it take you to make the transition? And that's like I was like, six months, you know, I mean, I mean, here's the deal. All I'm saying is, is you're on some planet and everything's shifted completely. All of a sudden, the Claudius Shifters of the world are just the sea hags, you know. Now you'd hit it with a certain amount of momentum. Drew, a man of exquisite passion like yourself, would mow over several hundred dozen of the Claudius Shifters. You work your way all the way through like the Victoria Secrets catalog. But meanwhile, guys are ridiculing you like, oh my, Drew, what are you doing? You're a doctor. You don't need to be with that.

41:04 Adam I mean, it's weird, if this 40 year old man was secure with himself, then he would be dating a woman his age, be having healthy sex with her. I think that maybe he's very, very insecure with himself. I don't know what he does for a living. And he's probably not that good in bed. And he doesn't want, you know, he's not secure with himself to have a healthy relationship with you. He just wants to show you off and say, look who I am and look what I've got.

41:25 Drew To me, I think that's so bizarre. I almost wonder if he's a beard. She's a beard.

41:28 Adam You mean gay. Heather. You think he may be gay?

41:33 Caller No, you know what, I was wondering that. Like I talked to my sister. She's like my best friend and she's like, well, maybe he's gay or maybe he like cheats on you. But he.

41:41 Drew Well, those are the options. Yeah.

41:44 Adam Shut up.

41:45 Drew You see the other girl.

41:47 Yes.

41:48 Drew Not cheating, but seeing other people.

41:50 Adam She doesn't like seeing 30 people. If he's cheating, if he's a horny guy, he's banging the bejesus out of his 22 year old. He's got at home and nailing a secretary.

41:59 Yeah, I actually don't think he's cheating.

42:00 Adam I actually think that he might be gay.

42:02 Adam Gay, but he doesn't know anything.

42:04 Caller And you know what? Okay, this is the thing. He's not really that good either, but I wouldn't tell him that and I would never like.

42:11 Drew He's probably not into it.

42:12 Adam Look, what's in it for you?

42:15 Caller Well, okay, so I live with him and like, I don't know.

42:17 Adam I was just going to say that. He has the money and you get to live with him.

42:21 Adam Does he have a good life? What does he do for a living?

42:23 Caller Well, we have like a boat and he's a district manager of like this company, you know.

42:32 Adam Heather, biggest mistake of your life is to stay with somebody because it's comfortable and because you have a home and a boat. Because you are not going to be happy. You're just not.

42:39 Adam Plus, you live in Palm Springs. Where do you launch the boat? Oh, we have it at Dana Point.

42:46 Drew You have another house there.

42:47 Adam It's a good place at Dana Point.

42:49 Drew Adam will take them on.

42:50 Adam I'll blow them three times a year to get a boat.

42:54 Adam I promise you, you are not going to be happy. And right now, you're 22. You're young. You're hot, supposedly. And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy.

43:12 Adam And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy. And you're not going to be happy. You can't catch the box like, okay, but here's the thing too. Here's the thing. He's got a bow, you're living with him. You can have a con, before you break it off, you can have a conversation with him and say, what is going on?

43:33 Drew I mean, and don't take any of this, well, look, that is abby normal. Abnormal for us.

43:39 Adam But no, but he could be depressed about something. But all we know is his ex-wife committed suicide or something.

43:45 Drew That's right, could be on depression medicine, could be diabetic or something. But the point is, though, don't take this, well, you know, older guy, no, that's BS.

43:51 Adam That's BS. It's a lot of baggage for a 22-year-old, though. It's like, regardless of the reason, I just really think that you should get out of it, and I think you're staying in it for the wrong reasons.

43:58 Adam Let me tell you something about Dr. Drew and Nicole. He's a man in his early 40s and is exquisitely passionate. He's got a motor. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he could do you right.

44:11 Drew You're scaring her now.

44:11 Adam No, I'm just, you know, I'm just, that's why he's-

44:14 Adam Then why is he sitting all the way over there by you? I don't know.

44:16 Adam He's scared of what you have to.

44:20 Adam I mean, do you guys get what I'm saying? I really think that she's in this relationship because it's comfortable. And that's not the right reason to be in a relationship, especially when you're 22 and now is the time. Go out there and grab somebody.

44:30 Adam Right. Finally.

44:30 Adam While you're still hot.

44:31 Adam You may get a bigger boat. While you're still hot. While you're still hot. Because at 24, the wheels come out of the wagon, your skin hangs on you like a boiled chicken. All right, we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, it's Love Line, I'm Adam. Nicole Richie is our guest tonight from The Simple Life. What's that? Tuesday nights, 8.30 on Fox. And so you, so you, now where does Paris live? Does she live in LA?

45:33 Adam Yeah, she lives in LA. She lives with her sister.

45:36 Adam And you guys hang out. Yeah, and really didn't, see, here's what I'd be, I'd have an ass full of whoever I had to do this with for a month.

45:43 Drew Oh my God. I just imagine you, yeah, you hang with anybody for like a week, all the time, but all the time, you know what I mean? You need your, you need to be away.

45:52 Adam But it's not really like we're new friends, we're like sisters, I mean, we have known each other for so long and we've spent that amount of time together.

45:59 Drew Before, doing other things.

46:01 Adam Before, you know what I mean?

46:02 Adam Didn't she grow up in New York?

46:04 Adam She did, but she didn't move there until we were about about 14.

46:07 Adam Oh, she grew up in New York, but she didn't move there until she was 14.

46:11 Adam Well, that's growing up, you're still growing up at 14, 13, 14.

46:14 Drew So she finished growing up in New York.

46:16 Adam She lived in LA.

46:17 Adam She lived in LA.

46:17 Adam From zero to 14.

46:19 Adam Yeah, or 13.

46:20 Adam And then went to New York. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. All right, so you had all that. And then I'm sure you guys traveled quite a bit, went back and forth. Tell us the most decadent story. Now, here's what I'm saying, don't brag, but what I'm saying is, is tell us a good story about being 17 and you in Paris, being in Istanbul, eating grapes off a virgin or something. You know what I mean? Anything good, any sheiks, any princess, any royalty, that kind of stuff. Yachts, give me a good yacht. Give me one good yacht story.

46:56 Adam You know, I actually, I really hate going on yachts. I don't like being on-

47:01 Drew Plane, how about a plane story?

47:01 Adam No, I want a yacht story. You don't like yachts, but you've been on them.

47:04 Adam I really don't.

47:05 Adam I don't know if I don't like yachts, Drew. Isn't that sad?

47:08 Adam Yeah. To be honest with you, like, my favorite place going is Switzerland, which is so random. It's so random, but I love it.

47:16 Adam What's random about it?

47:17 Adam It sounds like a nice place. Just so many people would say like Paris, or, I don't know.

47:23 Drew Which part is it?

47:24 Adam It's London.

47:24 Drew The French or the German, or what part of Switzerland?

47:27 Adam German, German. There's a little town called Harassau, Switzerland that I used to go up every year, and I would train up there, but.

47:34 Drew Train for?

47:35 Adam Skating.

47:36 Drew Ice skating.

47:37 Adam But we would spend the weekends.

47:39 Drew My daughter's not skating.

47:40 Adam Oh, really? Where is she skating?

47:41 Drew Pre-Pre, at Pickwick.

47:43 Adam Oh, really? I skated in Culver.

47:46 Adam You, so you have a, she.

47:47 Drew How far did you get in the hole?

47:50 Adam I was nationally competing.

47:53 Drew As a, what do they call it? What are the two women's levels?

47:57 Adam Senior, as a senior level.

48:00 Drew I don't know, there's a hundred levels in skating, it's crazy.

48:03 Adam Actually, at the end, started getting into ice dancing, but then I just stopped after that. All right.

48:09 Adam You went to Switzerland to train.

48:11 Adam Right, but we would spend the weekends in Zurich and it was just so beautiful. I loved it there.

48:15 Adam Did you skate outdoors or was it all indoors?

48:17 Adam It was indoors. The only outdoor rinks have been in Idaho, Sun Valley, Idaho and Lake Arrowhead. Which is really cool.

48:25 Adam Yeah.

48:25 Adam Just the sun gets in your eyes, it's a little brutal at times.

48:28 Adam Sure. Wow. All right. So, what's Switzerland? No good yacht stories?

48:32 Drew So, you're doing triple jumps and some triples?

48:35 Adam I didn't have all my triples, but I did have some.

48:37 Drew Double toes and triples house and all that stuff.

48:40 Adam It was hot.

48:41 Adam And then Drew, don't get your daughter all crazy with the skating. She's going to get an eating disorder. And what-

48:47 Adam You stay skinny skating. There's really no- It's not really like a model thing.

48:52 Adam Yeah, you gotta throw up all the time. You gotta screw her up, Drew. Just leave her alone with it. And your crazy wife's gonna go nutty with the skating thing. Tell her to relax a little.

48:59 Adam I think that you should allow your daughter to do what she wants to do. And I think that if you don't push her, then she'll wanna do it. I mean, I know that my parents never pushed me to do anything. And they put me in the piano and the acting and the singing. And I just happened to love it. So I just continued to do it. And then I got to an age, you know, where I was 18 and I was good at all this stuff. And my parents were like, okay, well, you're gonna have to decide what you wanna do. But at least I had all of that background to kind of fall back on it. It takes some time. Yeah, it's like you can't start it. It's better to just do it when you're young. And if she likes it, she likes it. If she doesn't, then she won't do it.

49:29 Adam All right, so no good, no good yacht stories.

49:32 Adam No.

49:32 Adam Private jet stories. What about royalty stories? Any chic guys, you know, Arab princes, that kind of stuff.

49:42 Adam I mean, I've met like Prince Charles.

49:44 Adam Prince Charles, really?

49:45 Adam Is that exciting?

49:46 Adam Yeah, I guess. It's better and better most.

49:50 Adam My mom's friends with some of those like Saudi Arabian. I mean, I don't know. There's so many out there, though, so I don't really know.

49:56 Adam Yeah, they're all the same guy. And what the what the Prince Charles, how was he?

50:02 Adam He was hot.

50:03 Adam Really? He was hot. Really hot.

50:05 Adam Yeah.

50:05 Adam It's got a certain way about him, right?

50:07 Adam He does a presence. I mean, he's royalty, you know.

50:12 Adam Did you go on his yacht?

50:14 Adam Will you stop with the yacht?

50:18 Adam I'm a yacht guy.

50:19 Drew I didn't know that.

50:20 Adam If I ever go on a yacht, I will call you from there. At 10 o'clock at the OK. And I will call you.

50:26 Adam Oh, it's gone. Hey, I had a decision to make when I was 18. I go with the decorative popcorn tin or I go with the yacht.

50:33 Adam I want popcorn tin and I stand by the tin you can use over and over so you can crap it evidently bring the tin on the yacht with you.

50:39 Drew You took it everywhere.

50:41 Adam Are you there? Travel with it. It's my huggy tin. Jacob. You're 17.

50:49 Caller Yeah, I got Germany or Florida for you.

50:51 Adam Germany or Florida. Here's how the game goes. All bizarre news comes out of either Germany or Florida. He tells the story. We decide Germany or Florida. Play the theme song, Anderson.

51:04 Caller Germany or Florida.

51:09 Caller Oh, that's Tori Amis.

51:11 Adam Yeah, doing it in the Ebony or Ivory. Yeah, we have a celebrity theme song. Jacob. Oh, that's that's pink. Jacob.

51:27 Caller All right.

51:28 Adam So what is it? Give us a story.

51:30 Caller First of all, I got to say that you got to use your theme song, man, because I think that was the best, undoubtedly.

51:36 Adam My theme song?

51:37 Drew The original one.

51:38 Caller The one that you sang?

51:39 Drew The original. All right, Jacob. Thanks.

51:46 Caller A 31-year-old man checked himself into a hospital because he had been experiencing severe stomach cramps and he hadn't been able to feceate for over two weeks.

51:59 Adam Yeah.

52:06 Caller After several x-rays, the doctor found that at a party two weeks previous, he had somehow ingested a condom filled with alcohol. So the doctors had to surgically go in and cut a hole in the condom so it would let the alcohol leak out and then the condom passed through the rectum two days later.

52:25 Adam All right. Hold on a second. Let's talk here. First off, wouldn't a condom be disintegrated by your stomach acid eventually in a couple of weeks?

52:34 Drew I'm thinking that the condom didn't go down from above. Somebody put it in.

52:40 Adam Oh, condom full of alcohol. Oh, it shoved up the... Oh, because he said it was in the stomach.

52:45 Drew He had abdominal pain.

52:46 Adam But wouldn't it still come out because, you know, when you go in jail and those drug addicts, they shove drugs up their ass with it.

52:52 Adam Yeah.

52:52 Adam So you do...

52:53 Drew It's not uncommon for those guys to need to have surgery. This is some weird distortion of a body packing story. Okay. And they need to do operations on those. I remember when I was at County USC in the early 80s, we were... The first cases were starting to come across the board and we were like, what is... You know, we'd see these x-rays of these little packages. I'm like, what the F is going on?

53:17 Adam Guys swallowing condoms filled with heroin. And that kind of body packing.

53:20 Adam That's really hot.

53:26 Drew So, Germany or Florida? It sounds like it's a smuggling thing. It sounds like Florida.

53:29 Adam Florida. Yeah. We're going Florida. Yeah. Florida. All right. Let's see. Jacob?

53:35 Caller Yeah.

53:37 Adam Germany or Florida?

53:38 Caller Germany.

53:39 Adam Oh, really?

53:40 Caller Yeah. It actually... He actually did it during Oktoberfest.

53:45 Adam So, Drew, it's not a smuggling thing.

53:47 Drew So what was he trying to do?

53:49 Caller I guess just to get giggles. I don't know.

53:53 Adam It's not funny. Was he laughing? I don't think so.

53:56 Caller I don't know.

53:58 Adam Listen, you can't decide what's funny. For you, it could be... I don't know. You know, you could like a good movie for this guy could be packing booze-filled condoms up his rear end.

54:12 Drew Who's the judge?

54:14 Adam That's right.

54:14 Drew That's right.

54:15 Adam You got your Chris Rock. He's got his condoms filled with shots. Up the ass. Yeah. So we lost.

54:22 Drew Yeah. Lost one.

54:22 Adam It's been a while. Wes?

54:25 Yeah.

54:26 Adam You're 14?

54:27 Caller Yeah. What's up?

54:29 Adam Wessie.

54:30 Caller My dad told me that smoking weed made like your nipples bigger.

54:34 Drew Not just your nipples. It makes your breasts enlarge, particularly around your age. Man, not women so much. It'll give you... Breasts. Yeah. All right. You're smoking pot every day. I can hear it in your voice.

54:48 Caller Sort of for the last like week. I've been hitting it pretty hard.

54:52 Drew Well, it's affecting you and it's obvious in how you're talking. But being that as a mate, it's real common in your age group. There can be a breast enlargement at your age anyway because the adrenal glands are putting out some hormones before the testes really take over. But marijuana makes that all worse.

55:08 Caller And like two days ago, I found like this little bump under my nipple.

55:12 Drew That's it.

55:13 Caller Yeah. Okay.

55:15 Drew That's what we're talking about.

55:16 Adam Hey, Wes.

55:18 Caller Yeah.

55:19 Adam Listen to me. First off, guys named Wes are always idiots. So you got to watch out for that. You got to battle against that Wes thing, all right?

55:27 Caller Pot's going to be the worst.

55:28 Adam And now you got the pot thing. You're really just going to turn yourself into a retard.

55:31 Adam Well, he chose Wes.

55:33 Adam That's what I'm saying.

55:34 Caller No, it's Weston.

55:36 Drew Weston.

55:36 Adam Oh, Weston's cool.

55:38 Adam Yeah.

55:38 Adam You should go by Weston.

55:40 Adam Yeah, go by Weston.

55:43 Drew He's from Colorado too. It sounds like a guy with a lambskin coat riding a horse.

55:46 Adam Right. Yeah. Like the Marlboro man, except for you got a hash pipe instead of a cigarette.

55:50 Drew And a bong strapped to his waist.

55:52 Adam All right. So, Weston. Listen to me. You're 14. You don't need to be getting high. That's for the big boys. Here's what it does. Here's what people don't realize. The pot, whenever you start smoking it, and look, I've smoked my share of weed. I don't care. But here's the point. You start smoking at 13 and you start smoking solid till you're 23 and you'll just be 13 at 23. You just stop. Wherever it is.

56:18 Adam That is actually true. Isn't it a proven fact that you stop developing the day you start doing drugs?

56:25 Drew Yes, that's true. And pot is one that's notorious for doing this. In fact, there's some evidence that it doesn't allow the growth of the frontal areas of the brain that are responsible for the growth and development after.

56:34 Adam And then here's the thing. First off, you pull these moronic moves all the time where you just screw up and you forget about things. You don't get anything done. But you never chalk anything up to the weed.

56:43 Drew Of course not.

56:43 Adam It's always just, you know, you know certain things that you get fixated on. There's certain certain topics that you're into and your genes on, but you don't know anything else.

56:53 Drew And things never seem to be going right. You never live your f**ked up expectations.

56:57 Adam Nothing sticks. You got a Teflon brain. Everything just skims by. You don't seem to remember anything. You don't know anything, but you'll never blame it on the weed.

57:05 Adam Well, you know what's so funny is he doesn't want to hear this from you guys right now. And I promise you that he probably will not listen to you until it's too late. I've been there. I know.

57:13 Adam Where have you been? You've been to Switzerland on an ice skating scholarship. What do you know from pot smoking? You did some drugs though, right?

57:21 Adam I did dabble in a little drugs.

57:23 Adam No more? Are you done?

57:24 Adam I'm done.

57:25 Adam Really? Recovery? Really?

57:28 Adam Yeah.

57:28 Adam Yeah. That's the one thing I think if you come from privilege, it's really hard to escape.

57:34 Adam Oh, but I'll tell you. I was in, I could not be in more denial, nothing. I was just, you know, oh, this isn't happening. Don't worry about it. I didn't realize it until I was arrested, until I was thrown in jail, until I had to go there. And it wasn't until I got out and until I was like, you know, even I started to even get better that I was like, oh, okay, well, maybe my life wasn't so good then. Once you're in it, you can't even see it.

57:58 Drew You're lucky you surrendered though, even then, because most people have to go to some sort of pace of terror before they're willing to surrender.

58:04 Adam Arrested and thrown in jail.

58:06 Adam It happens.

58:06 Adam Wow. Were you driving or something? How'd you get arrested?

58:11 Adam Yeah.

58:12 Adam You're driving. Yeah. And so you got arrested. Basically, it's like a DUI, right?

58:16 Adam No, I did have a DUI, but I didn't have a license and I was driving and I got pulled over for something else.

58:22 Adam Right.

58:22 Adam For something like a, I don't know, whatever, a light. I don't know. Who cares? But I got pulled over and, you know, I got caught with possession.

58:33 Adam And oh, how much, now, what did you have? Heroin? How much did you have? Drew, let me ask a good question.

58:38 Drew You've done well, sir.

58:39 Adam What's your sobriety? Well, get to the sobriety, you jack-off. Just quiet down. How much did you have on you?

58:45 Adam I didn't have it on me, actually, but it was, it was a balloon.

58:48 Adam Oh, it was like in the car somewhere?

58:50 Adam It was in the car. It wasn't even my car, actually. It's just-

58:53 Adam Did they search the car just because they thought you were high?

58:55 Adam No, to be honest with you, I was lazy and didn't feel, I was outside on the phone and I didn't feel like getting my ID out. I didn't have an ID. I had like a school ID. And so I just asked the cop, so I was too lazy, I was like, just go in my car and get my ID.

59:12 Adam See what happens.

59:13 Adam But I'm just telling you, I mean, honestly, to be honest with you, it's like, I was actually going to rehab anyway, but I really do believe that if I didn't have these consequences to deal with after, I mean, I'm still dealing with them right now, I probably would have gotten out and said, OK, I'm better, let me just go back.

59:29 Drew You wouldn't have surrendered, it wouldn't have broken through the door.

59:31 Adam Definitely, definitely. I mean, I have to sit there and like face these consequences every day, which I mean, you know, it's so weird because I see these kids and I'm telling you like that was so me that it will not happen, that it's all good. It's not a big deal. And I'm telling you, it just kicks your ass.

59:50 Adam They found the balloon of heroin when they wanted to go look for your ID that you commanded them to command. I was just a cop going, Can I see some ID? It's in the club.

1:00:04 Adam I knew that I was going to get arrested because I didn't have a license. I was like, I was on PCH. So I was like, you know, do you mind if I go use my cell phone? And they're like, yeah, no problem.

1:00:13 Adam Oh, I see. All right. PCH is not a drug, by the way. That's Pacific Coast Highway out here in Malibu. Sober date.

1:00:21 Adam I don't like to talk about that.

1:00:23 Adam You got more in like a week, right?

1:00:26 Adam Yeah.

1:00:27 Adam I got sober back in March.

1:00:28 Adam Oh, OK. That's good. You know, and jinx it by saying the date.

1:00:32 Adam And I just don't really like to get that much into it because it's up to you.

1:00:36 Drew But it's tough to have two months later head off to Arkansas.

1:00:39 Adam It was very tough. And I'll tell you, it really tested. It really tested.

1:00:43 Drew Did they let you contact your sponsor? Were you going to meet your sponsor? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:00:46 Adam I could contact my sponsor every day.

1:00:48 Adam Her sponsor was Mr. Haney.

1:00:50 Drew Yeah.

1:00:50 Adam That's a little green anchor.

1:00:53 Drew Mr. Ziffel was the sponsor.

1:00:53 Adam But I mean, if you think about it, it's Arkansas. I guess, you know, whatever. I mean, I agree it's not very easy.

1:00:58 Adam Oh, they got drugs everywhere.

1:00:59 Adam Yeah, they got the Hillbilly heroin.

1:01:00 Adam Where do you think that's from, Drew?

1:01:02 Drew Arkansas.

1:01:04 Adam So anyway, you finish. So you get, now you go to jail. How long do you go to jail?

1:01:09 Adam I don't know, like an hour or something.

1:01:11 Drew Jail, jail, not prison.

1:01:13 Caller Right, right, right.

1:01:14 Adam You just, you just go to the tank and, uh.

1:01:16 Adam Well, I was facing prison. I mean, I think that this is important for me to say because I, you know, it's like, you guys think that this isn't going to happen to you. It happened to me in a matter of six months. I was arrested three times, put in jail. I had to have a friend bail me out. I've been to rehab twice. You know, it's just like, you never think that this is going to happen to you until it happens to you. And then you're over it. And then you may hopefully start to realize how dangerous this stuff is. You know, it's like your life, you're going 100 miles an hour. Of course, you're not going to see everything. I don't necessarily think it's anybody's fault.

1:01:46 Drew Well, you were very tied up in being perfect. You had the ice skating and the music.

1:01:50 Adam And that caught me. I got really caught up in that too, because I was really good at everything I did. So on the outside, I was kind of OK. And I had this going on and that going on. And I really didn't stop doing anything. Well, I guess towards the end I did.

1:02:03 Adam And also, do you feel it, too? And by the way, it's a good thing that you got this out of the way, because a lot of people can drag this out well into their 30s.

1:02:11 Drew Oh, are you kidding?

1:02:12 Adam Well into the 30s.

1:02:14 Adam Yeah. Because they don't know. They don't get it.

1:02:16 Adam But I mean, do you know, they say the devil makes work for idle hands. Do you feel like a little too much time mixed with too much cash?

1:02:26 Drew She was ice skating six thousand days ago.

1:02:28 Adam She was in Switzerland. What do you mean? She had time.

1:02:31 Drew School, double major, three instruments.

1:02:34 Adam Would you shut up Drew? Don't defend the guests. I'm asking a question.

1:02:38 Adam I was keeping busy. It could have been, you know, I really don't know. I really don't know.

1:02:42 Adam Yeah.

1:02:43 Drew I think it's a misconception that time is an issue.

1:02:46 Adam No, here's-

1:02:46 Adam I really don't think that time is an issue. I think it's just a matter of wanting to be out of your element. And you know what? You know what's so crazy now is that now that I don't have all those things that I can't remember and whatnot, the thought of not being all there and as sharp as I'm capable of being is just so scary because you're missing out. So why would you want to be alive and be half dead while you're alive? It's like you can do that stuff when you're done.

1:03:10 Adam I agree, except for not with booze. But Drew, hold on. Let me say something about this, which is I had my share friends who got into drugs and dabbled and did their thing. And a lot of them were so tied up with existing, meaning they were making eight bucks an hour and they had to work 50 hours a week, that the second they got some free time and some free cash, they always won AWOL. They were spun out. Their circumstances kept them in line. They had to work. They didn't have any money. They didn't really have the means. And if you would have taken any of these guys, given a couple of credit cards, an expense account, a little time, they would immediately blow themselves up with the drugs immediately. And that's what I'm talking about, this sort of devil making work for the idle hands. Thank you. All right. Let's take a call. But that's very, very revealing. And we appreciate your candor, by the way. It's nice. No prob, Bob. Drew, no more questions?

1:04:08 Drew Yes, but you won't let me ask some of them.

1:04:09 Adam Well, I've listened. Here's the problem. I try to ask a probing question. You rush in and defend and don't let the person answer the question. Like you're the goddamn attorney.

1:04:17 Drew She tires of us fighting. Let's go.

1:04:20 Adam Let's talk to, uh, Janet. Janet?

1:04:23 Caller Yeah?

1:04:24 Adam What? You're 16.

1:04:25 Caller Yeah.

1:04:26 Adam What's up?

1:04:28 Caller Um, I'm having a problem. I have, I have this guy that I've been friends with for like three months and me and him got to be like really good friends. Like he would come over to my house every day and everything. And I began to like him.

1:04:41 Drew How old is he?

1:04:44 Caller Oh, he is 19.

1:04:45 Drew How did you meet him?

1:04:47 Caller Uh, kind of like a hangout place in a small town kind of thing.

1:04:51 Adam Like a club thing, a night thing or a day thing?

1:04:53 Caller Yeah, like a night thing.

1:04:54 Adam Oh, I think a more old quarry.

1:04:57 Drew So it's not like this guy went to your high school or something. You knew him.

1:04:59 Caller Yeah, I knew him from there. And now he's like beginning to like one of my friends that I introduced him to. And I told him that I liked him and stuff. But he's like, oh, we're just friends. We're just friends. And like he's he's like tried to mess around with me, you know.

1:05:20 Drew You're just friends, Janette. Take his word for it.

1:05:22 Adam Believe me, there's no interest.

1:05:24 Adam You know what? That's actually a good thing that he's respecting you enough to say we're just friends because he could probably take advantage, just take advantage of you and then leave you. So that's actually a good thing that he's respecting you enough to say we're just friends.

1:05:36 Adam Well, he's trying to mess around a couple of times.

1:05:38 Caller Yeah.

1:05:39 Adam Well, I'm sorry, but I'm just saying as a guy, if a girl throws herself at you enough times, I mean, he's not a robot. He will say, okay.

1:05:45 Adam He could use you and he's so far not.

1:05:49 Adam But I think that means he has respect for you.

1:05:51 Caller Yeah.

1:05:53 Adam No, he's not attracted.

1:05:54 Drew He's not attracted to you. That's all I mean.

1:05:56 Adam He's not respected.

1:05:58 Adam I mean, he has more respect. I mean, he could just take advantage and leave her.

1:06:00 Caller No, he could.

1:06:01 Adam He does respect you as a friend. That's all I'm saying.

1:06:03 Drew He's not a bad guy. And he's not attractive.

1:06:06 Caller Why do I always get this? I'm always the girl that, you know, like, I'm like one of the guys. I always hang out with all the guys.

1:06:12 Adam All right. Hold on a second. First off, you're 16. So you can't play the, why do I always get thing until you're 19.

1:06:18 Caller Or 20.

1:06:19 Adam Or 20. Because you've been dating for 14 months now. You're 16 years old for Christ's sake. Relax. So here's the thing. Everyone makes these proclamations when they're 16. Why am I always the one? You're not. You're 16. It's an awkward time. Some of it is just a happenstance. You don't, the right guy is going to the wrong high school. You're going to the other one. You miss each other.

1:06:42 Caller Don't, don't, don't.

1:06:43 Adam Here's the thing. Do not announce that you're cursed at 16. Don't make that proclamation.

1:06:49 Drew Don't, don't claim anything at 16.

1:06:51 Adam Just yes.

1:06:52 Drew Just go with it.

1:06:53 Adam Just try to get your grades decent and go off to some cool place to go to college and it'll all work itself out. That's really what you need to do. And here's the thing. From, from, you know, the seventh grade to the twelfth grade, all bets are off. All you got to do is don't kill yourself. Don't get strung out on drugs and get your grades decent enough to go off to some cool college and then you can start focusing on the dating and all that stuff. And look, you got to understand, though, if a guy's not interested, he's not interested. And that whole like mixed message thing where he goes, well, I, you know, I like you too much to be a 19 year old guy. It's game on.

1:07:32 Drew He'll let you know.

1:07:33 Adam If it's not game on, he ain't interested. Plain and simple. Yes. All right. We'll take a break. Nicole Richie here tonight from The Simple Life. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. It's Love Line. This is Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Nicole Ritchie is here tonight. The Simple Life is the name of the show. Tuesday nights, 8.30 on Five.

1:08:10 Drew Love that music so much.

1:08:12 Adam You can't go wrong with the Green Acres.

1:08:31 Adam Thanks for watching! And just because it's going to make us feel super old. Were you guys hip to Greenacres before you did the show?

1:08:32 Drew I mean, I watched.

1:08:32 Adam They had Nick at night, so I watched it late at night if I was up at 3 in the morning.

1:08:33 Adam In preparation for this show or?

1:08:34 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:08:34 Caller I'm saying I've seen it when I was younger.

1:08:34 Adam So you're hip. All right.

1:08:35 Caller All right.

1:08:36 Drew Mr. Ziffle is a character you would know.

1:08:38 Adam That's the thing. No, I wouldn't know any of the characters if I watched it now. I mean, I'm sure it's still on now. I just don't really watch a lot of television.

1:08:45 Adam It wasn't bad.

1:08:45 Drew Mr. Haney. He was the alcoholic, right? He was the.

1:08:49 Adam He was a traveling salesman.

1:08:51 Drew The barber, loosely.

1:08:52 Adam Mr. Ziffle had the pig. But who is the barber?

1:08:58 Drew I don't know. Floyd the barber.

1:08:59 Adam No, but that's from Mayberry.

1:09:00 Drew You're right.

1:09:01 Adam You're right, buddy.

1:09:02 Drew You're right.

1:09:02 Adam You're in Iraq.

1:09:04 Drew Wasn't there an alcoholic in Green Acres?

1:09:07 Adam I don't know. It used to be funny to be an alcoholic and they put it in sitcoms. They do the two jokes where it's like they do that make mine a double joke where the guy was having a hard day. And all of a sudden, by the way, there was a fair amount of boozing in these shows. Like, here's the one. Here's the move I like. There was a time in the 60s and the 70s when that little mobile bar had wheels on it and a little push cart type bar was a popular piece. It was like a piece of furniture. And the guy, I always like this. The guy would walk through the front door, throw his jacket on the sofa. Oh man, stressful day. Walk right over the bar, open the ice bucket and it'd be piled high with fresh ice. Like, who's in charge of filling the ice bucket all day? Imagine keeping a friend. How much of an alcoholic would you have to be to actually have an ice bucket that was just heaping with ice?

1:09:57 Drew Be thinking about that.

1:09:58 Adam And it was never addressed. It'd either be a note from his wife. She's not here.

1:10:01 Drew By the way, those days they didn't have ice makers. It would be trays they'd be spilling into that, right?

1:10:05 Adam It just, it was like, it was one of these sitcom realities where it was like, hey, it's an ice bucket. It's got to have ice in it. As if it came with ice. And, yeah, and he'd crum and guys would just start making themselves cocktails. Or, you know, it's highball hour.

1:10:18 Drew A couple of Larry Tate would be drinking at work.

1:10:21 Adam Yeah, that was BeWitch. That was the boss of BeWitch. And yeah, he'd be, he'd be drinking martinis at lunch.

1:10:27 Adam Also, Ricky from Lucy and Ricky. Wasn't he a huge alcoholic?

1:10:30 Adam Everyone, everyone, everyone drank just, they drank at work and stuff. Yeah, I like that. Guys, guys would have bottles in their desk. That was the other thing too. Like a, like a police chief or something. Like after a tough day. Just like, you know, pop open some scotch. Guys had flasks and stuff. Was everyone drunk back then? Where's my bourbon? I just, the, the two jokes, I like, I like to make mine a double joke and I like the joke too where the wino sees something incredible, like BeWitch, like blinks into a alley where he's drinking and he looks at the bottle and he looks at her and then he dumps it out and shakes his head. Because that's what they do, Drew. You know what I'm saying?

1:11:09 Drew Every time.

1:11:10 Adam Yeah. If, if you, every one of your patients was amazed by something, they would immediately throw away the drugs.

1:11:14 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:11:16 Adam Ken?

1:11:17 Caller Yeah.

1:11:17 Adam Kenny? You're 20? Yeah. What's happening?

1:11:22 Caller Uh, my, uh, penis is normally curved, I think, to the left there.

1:11:27 Drew To the left.

1:11:27 Caller Yeah. Half the shaft broke or something.

1:11:30 Adam You should pierce it.

1:11:31 Drew You dressed him left.

1:11:33 Adam Do you like a pierced, uh, pepe?

1:11:35 Caller Uh, I don't know about piercing.

1:11:37 Drew I can't hold on a sec.

1:11:39 Adam I'm asking Nicole. Nicole?

1:11:41 Adam Um, I've actually never seen one, but I'm just saying if it is a little off, I think you should, like, work the off-ness, you know?

1:11:48 Adam I see. I see.

1:11:50 Drew You had to put a barbell down the axis and straighten it out.

1:11:54 Adam Right.

1:11:54 Drew But here you can't, the deal is, uh, have you traumatized it at all? Did something happen?

1:12:00 Caller Uh, not that I can think of.

1:12:02 Drew One thing you can do is take about 800 units of vitamin E every day. This is what we call an acquired Peyronie. In other words, you weren't born with this. This is something that's probably happening from trauma.

1:12:10 Adam Oh, really?

1:12:12 Drew Because it's gotten, he's seen it get worse.

1:12:15 Adam Well, does it curve or does it sort of make a gooseneck move? You know?

1:12:22 Drew That's from the scarring over on that side that's pulling it over there. There are operations to repair it if necessary and give it a little time. We'll see.

1:12:30 Adam All right. So take a bunch of vitamin E.

1:12:32 Drew 800 units of vitamin E daily will help it.

1:12:33 Adam That's true. How many pills is that?

1:12:35 Drew They accommodate 800s or 400s usually.

1:12:38 Caller Oh, really?

1:12:41 Adam If I had a dork with a dog leg in it, I'd be mad. Yeah. Oh, you're Nicole's friend?

1:12:48 Caller Yep. Hey, Matty. What's up, baby? Well, listen, I don't have a sidewinder penis, but what I'm calling in is I want your advice. See, I, like you, live in Hollywood, and I had a girlfriend for like three years who I lost my virginity to at, what, 20, 21. And I broke up with her, and I never really did the Hollywood scene, and when I broke up with her, I just kind of went mad and hit the Hollywood scene.

1:13:14 Adam Well, wait a minute. How old are you now?

1:13:16 Caller Twenty-three.

1:13:17 Adam Twenty-three. Yeah.

1:13:17 Drew Well, hold on.

1:13:18 Adam Hold on one second, because we've done these before, and we always make a-holes of ourselves. Now, do we need to know anything about this guy? Is he your ex-boyfriend?

1:13:28 Drew But people set us up like this all the time, so we want to make sure we're not.

1:13:31 Adam I'm not going to kill you, Anne, if this is some kind of nonsense.

1:13:34 Drew No?

1:13:34 Adam No.

1:13:37 Drew Anything else we need to know about him?

1:13:38 Adam No. He's pretty chill.

1:13:41 Adam All right. So, Matt, your question... Now, how do you know Nicole, by the way?

1:13:45 Caller I was actually sitting in the opposite room listening to you guys earlier. I'm in your conference room right now.

1:13:50 Adam Oh, okay. You're here. Hey, can you get me a coffee?

1:13:55 Caller I'll get on the way out.

1:13:56 Adam So what?

1:13:57 Adam So you started going crazy.

1:13:58 Adam So you came here with Nicole, then?

1:14:01 Caller Yeah.

1:14:02 Adam All right. So, hey, you broke up. You lost your virginity at 21.

1:14:06 Caller 21 to a 29-year-old former model who I used to beat off to poachers on my wall. So it was kind of a strange relationship.

1:14:13 Adam Really? Who was that?

1:14:14 Caller I'm not going to name names.

1:14:16 Adam Come on. I'm going to hang up on you. All right.

1:14:19 Caller That's it.

1:14:20 Adam Listen, you can't say I used to beat off to a model with pictures and not give the name.

1:14:26 Caller All right. Let me try.

1:14:28 Caller Yeah.

1:14:29 Adam I got to know who she is.

1:14:31 Caller Her first name is Amber.

1:14:35 Drew Did you say Adam has met her?

1:14:37 Adam No, no. I said that's all he's going to tell me.

1:14:38 Caller He may have. I don't know. She's been around. She's a big model and she's like 29 now. But anyway, it's not the point. You guys there?

1:14:50 Drew Yeah, we're thinking.

1:14:51 Adam Yeah, we're thinking. I think I'm going to put you back on hold. I got to get the last name.

1:14:56 Caller Well, the question is, is that after it went out, I went crazy.

1:14:59 Adam I got to get mad. I got to get the last name.

1:15:01 Caller Go take it up.

1:15:03 Adam So here's the thing. You can't bring up a bang this up, lost my virginity to a model that had a poster of not giving a name. That's who I got. You can't bring up. Here's the sword here. You can't bring up the model. If you want to brag about banging a model, that's fine. But you got to give the name. You can't do it. You can't have both ways. Drew, can you think of any Ambers? No. Amber Valletta.

1:15:26 Drew Who's that?

1:15:26 Adam I don't know. It's what Anderson says. Maybe we got a poster. You got a poster of her?

1:15:31 Drew That's what I'm on.

1:15:37 Adam Let's get it out. I'm sorry. I don't want to be rude to your friend, Matt, but I got to have the question. I got to have the full name of the model.

1:15:43 Drew Yeah.

1:15:44 Adam Joe?

1:15:44 Caller Yeah. Hi, what's going on?

1:15:47 Adam What's happening?

1:15:48 Adam Joanna.

1:15:50 Caller I was just wondering how you liked working at Sonic.

1:15:53 Adam I didn't really like it, actually. I just don't like the smell of food.

1:16:00 Adam You worked at the Sonic Burger in Arkansas?

1:16:03 Adam Yeah. I mean, it wasn't the... I don't like the smell of food. I just didn't like the smell of the grease in the back, you know? It was kind of brutal. And then you'll see tomorrow. They make us dress up in these outfits and it was freezing and it was too heavy. I mean, it was burning up, I'm sorry, and it was way too heavy. And it was pretty brutal.

1:16:20 Caller I was just wondering, because I work at one of the sonics.

1:16:23 Adam Do you?

1:16:25 Adam I didn't even know it was a national chain.

1:16:30 Adam No, it is. I mean, I'm not insulting it, I'm just saying I didn't enjoy working there.

1:16:34 Adam When you were working there, did you have to, and don't BS, did you have to put in a full shift? I mean, did you work there for seven or eight hours?

1:16:42 Adam We were there from six in the morning until about four in the afternoon.

1:16:45 Adam Really?

1:16:46 Adam Yeah.

1:16:46 Adam Just.

1:16:47 Adam Paris loved it. That was Paris' favorite job there. I just personally don't like the smell of cooking. I don't like it.

1:16:53 Adam Yeah. You'll make a great wife one day. And so, so, I mean, you were actually put in a full shift.

1:17:04 Adam How do you like it?

1:17:05 Caller It's pretty fun. I usually work like three or four hours.

1:17:09 Adam Oh, so you didn't work as long as I did. Did you dress up in the suits?

1:17:13 Caller No, I haven't seen any suits, seriously.

1:17:15 Adam Did you deliver food on roller skates?

1:17:17 Caller Yep.

1:17:18 Adam Oh, really?

1:17:19 Adam That's fun.

1:17:20 Adam That's gay for a dude, though.

1:17:21 Caller No, it's because I used to play hockey, so I needed to find something to do that I knew I could do.

1:17:26 Adam Well, about just joining the icecapades would be more masculine. All right, buddy.

1:17:30 Drew There we go.

1:17:31 Adam Doing good, buddy. They're good times.

1:17:33 Drew Yep. Yeah.

1:17:34 Adam I like the guys are bored of us before we get bored of them. Done with you guys. Blooms off the rose. Xavier.

1:17:44 Drew Yeah.

1:17:46 Adam You're. Xavier. There's some Xavier's and there's some Xavier's.

1:17:50 Drew And it's spelled the same.

1:17:51 Adam Which one are you?

1:17:54 Caller What's the difference?

1:17:55 Adam I'll just call you Xavier.

1:17:57 Caller Oh, it's Xavier.

1:17:59 Adam Well, then there's a difference, obviously.

1:18:06 Caller Full moon.

1:18:08 Drew Full moon. That's all I got to say.

1:18:09 Caller I will kind of recall. You say that you missed your cell phone out of everything.

1:18:20 Adam We were allowed to use their phones about once a week, which was brutal.

1:23:55 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew and Nicole Richie here tonight.

1:23:59 Adam What's that?

1:23:59 Adam From The Simple Life, Tuesday nights, 8.30 on Fox. We're going to, we'll talk to your friend off the air, Nicole, and answer his question. Drew, next commercial player? Sure, sure. All right, let's talk to Jennifer, who's 18. Jennifer.

1:24:18 Adam Hi, Gens.

1:24:21 Adam Gens.

1:24:25 Drew This is the start of nursery school.

1:24:26 Adam It's more personal if you like give them names.

1:24:28 Adam Yeah, don't soften them up. They're the enemy. Go ahead, Jennifer.

1:24:32 Caller Okay, when I'm having sex, my nipples, they don't get hurt at all whatsoever. It doesn't matter how much I'm being pleased, they don't get hurt.

1:24:44 And I'm wondering why, and what can I do to-

1:24:47 Drew Do they ever get hurt under any circumstances?

1:24:50 You know, sometimes if I'm really, really cold, they do.

1:24:53 Caller But like, if I'm just kind of chilly outside, you know what? See, that's what I thought about doing. But I don't know if they'll get hurt.

1:25:00 Drew It seems to me Nicole's answer is just about everything.

1:25:02 Piercing.

1:25:03 Adam No, I'm telling you.

1:25:04 Drew My appendix is brushed out.

1:25:05 Adam My left nipple is piercing. I know because I have pierced many things in my day. But the piercing brings back sensitivity to your nipples. I mean, if it's a medical problem, I'm just saying that, which I don't know, you can talk to Dr. Drew about that, but I'm just saying that it will bring back the feeling. When women are done breastfeeding, sometimes they'll just get their nipples pierced because it just brings back the feeling.

1:25:28 Adam That's my mom did that. Drew, your mom. Whoever was mom does that.

1:25:32 Adam And then they're constantly hard too, which is always cute.

1:25:35 Adam Yeah. Well, here's the thing too. Now, does it bring back sensitivity to it or is there just something to do with it? I mean, there's a piece on it now. I mean, it is something to- Well, I didn't mean irritating, but I just mean, I don't think about the end of my tongue too much, but if I put a bead on the end of it, I would be flicking it and clicking it.

1:25:54 Adam Well, no, because I mean, I've had my tongue pierced and it's not like a- Once it's pierced for a while, you really don't even feel it.

1:25:59 Adam But you're saying-

1:26:00 Adam With the nipple-

1:26:01 Adam More sensitive.

1:26:02 Adam It's very sensitive.

1:26:03 Drew I hear people complain, though, that it gets more sensitive and then it gets insensitive.

1:26:07 Adam Oh.

1:26:07 Drew They go through a whole-

1:26:08 Adam See, I haven't had it that long to say. I've had it since, you know, I don't know, June.

1:26:15 Adam Not in Arkansas. Oh, after Arkansas.

1:26:17 Adam After Arkansas.

1:26:18 Drew Celebration.

1:26:19 Adam We don't take kindly to nipple-pair-son. Yeah. All right.

1:26:24 Drew Well-

1:26:24 Caller Okay, the only thing about piercing it, though, is getting them hard in the first place. Like, if I were to put, like, an ice on them, that won't even help it. It looks-

1:26:34 Drew Why is this so important to you?

1:26:36 Adam You're not into it.

1:26:36 Drew Guys don't care.

1:26:37 Caller Because it's not, it's not, I don't, it doesn't look good. I don't think it's cute at all.

1:26:42 Adam It's not.

1:26:43 Adam Cute, really?

1:26:45 Caller I think it's totally unattractive.

1:26:48 Adam To have the non-

1:26:49 Adam I mean, if it's strictly just a physical concern of yours, I honestly would say pierce them, because then they're cool anyway, because they're pierced. If you're concerned about what's wrong with it-

1:27:01 Drew As men, we can't even figure what you're talking about, in terms of what the problem is. And not all men are into the piercing thing, so it might go from a neutral to a negative, as far as the guy's concerned.

1:27:11 Adam Well, let's put it this way. Drew's a man of extreme passion, so he never even looks at nipples. He looks right at the box.

1:27:18 Adam That's his thing.

1:27:20 Adam He has tunnel, tunnel vision, they call him.

1:27:22 Drew Tunnel vision. Tunnel, tunnel.

1:27:24 Adam I'm just saying, if it bothers you that much.

1:27:26 Drew I'm just repeating it for you. Thank you.

1:27:28 Adam Yeah. All right, so the point- I really like my mom with these jokes. So he doesn't know, but I'm a breast man, and a nipple man, and an areola guy. Oh yes. And I have sensitive nipples myself. I don't, I never even really noticed it. Guys aren't, you ever got any complaints from a guy about your nipples?

1:27:51 Caller No, no, I've never had anything-

1:27:52 Adam All right, well then shut up. Stop it. Stop, oh, you crazy broads with your un- No, this is gross. Guys, if a guy complains, if a guy says something, then take some action.

1:28:03 Adam Just keep the box clean, you'll have no complaints.

1:28:05 Adam That's right. Right, loofah the box. Thank you. Chelsea? Uh-huh. You're 15?

1:28:13 Adam Hi, Chelsea.

1:28:15 Adam Hey, Chelsea.

1:28:16 Adam Chelsea.

1:28:17 Adam Hey, Chelsea-nator. You're six months pregos. And you got an 18-year-old fiance that you're not attracted to anymore. Sounds like you're right on course, by the way. I'd like to have seen you pregnant a few months earlier, but I think this is a good say when you keep moving forward.

1:28:35 Adam Well, this is one of the reasons, along with all the other ones, that teenage girls shouldn't be pregnant because you still need to grow. You still need to be attracted to other men.

1:28:43 Yeah, I had to grow up pretty early, though, so.

1:28:46 Adam Well, I think we can agree that she needs a piercing, right? I mean, we should pierce her.

1:28:50 Adam Pierce the stomach. Pierce her belly button while you're pregnant.

1:28:53 Adam Pierce her navel while it's protruding. So Chelsea, you're not attracted to your fiance anymore.

1:28:59 The past couple weeks, I've been finding myself not really attracted to him.

1:29:02 Drew All right. Listen, there's so many changes you're going through by a lot with pregnancy. You may find yourself feeling sort of hypersexual in your last couple months.

1:29:10 Adam Well, when she says not attracted though, I mean, I think she's talking about she's not into the guy anymore. Forget about sexually. Right. All right. So listen, Chelsea, I know you're not gonna do this, but can you give the kid up for adoption for Christ's sake?

1:29:26 Well, I was thinking about that in the beginning, but both of our parents...

1:29:32 Adam Yeah, where's your mom?

1:29:33 My mom is about 30 miles away from me right now.

1:29:36 Drew Speaking of 30, how old is your mom?

1:29:38 Adam 19.

1:29:39 My mom's 40.

1:29:40 Drew 40. Mm-hmm.

1:29:41 Adam Yeah, but how old is your sister?

1:29:43 Adam Why aren't you living with your parents?

1:29:44 Adam She's the youngest.

1:29:45 Drew How's your oldest?

1:29:45 Adam 27.

1:29:46 Adam Oh, you live with your dad? What does your dad think?

1:29:48 What does your dad think? My dad, they're actually pretty happy about it. At first, we were a little upset, but both of our families agree that, you know, it's okay for us to keep the kid. They're going to help us out as much as possible.

1:30:00 Adam And, you know, can I just ask you a question? Do you, are you done with, with your, with your life? Like, I know I just mean, like, are you done? Do you have you done every single thing that you want to do just for yourself? Because once you have a kid, then it's done. So at 15 years of age.

1:30:16 Caller Well, I did a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have done and I'm pretty much finished with my reading days.

1:30:20 Adam All right, listen, don't, we got to go, but as far as your fiance, don't worry about it. You got all kinds of hormones going. Don't make any decisions till after you have the kid. And my mom, she smoked pot, napped around the house all day and then she had her kids and then she was able to get back to smoking pot napping around the house. So who says you can't chase your dreams? All right, we'll be back after this. Well, that's the show, everybody. I want to thank Nicole Richie for hanging out for the entire two hours, by the way.

1:31:07 Adam Thank you. And happy birthday, Vitas. It's my friend Vitas' birthday.

1:31:11 Adam Vitas?

1:31:12 Adam Vitas.

1:31:12 Adam See, that's one of those rich people names. Steve. Yeah. All right, Nicole, God bless you. The Simple Life, Tuesday nights, 5, 8.30. And until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:31:32 Caller I have a question for Nicole. Yes, gorgeous. Okay, um.

1:31:41 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, December 8, 2003