Episode 1000582111919

0:55 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

1:06 Adam Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-9-1-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9- Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Oh, man, I am wearing what must be $500 headphones. Oh, really? Or as we call them, the business cans. Yeah, I've never seen a light. It looked like something that came out of an astronaut. Yeah, definitely something out of a space age movie, like some sort of futuristic movie.

1:29 Drew Apollo 13, it looks like.

1:31 Adam They're like, there's titanium in them. They're heavy. They're nice.

1:35 Drew Strikers.

1:37 Adam Yeah, he's the local DJ out here at the mother station, by the way, which is K-Rock.

1:44 Give me a go, no go for launch.

1:50 Adam All right, so here's what's gonna happen tonight. Joel from Good Charlotte was maybe gonna come in, but we weren't sure. We left it loose with him. So if he comes in, he comes in. Tomorrow night, Macy Gray in here, who I've never met, and whose work I admire. And actually Macy Gray was one of the funnier parts of the AMAs that Jimmy hosted a week or two ago.

2:15 Drew What'd she do?

2:16 Adam She just went up there and she sort of got off the teleprompter and put a little energy into it and started saying, look, if you guys lose and you're pissed off, let's see it on your face instead of seeing you cheering for people. And it was really-

2:30 Drew She said she's pissed off that she didn't get nominated.

2:32 Adam Yeah, it was funny. It didn't feel contrived. It felt sort of genuine and spontaneous.

2:37 Drew She was up there with Mark.

2:40 Adam Oh yeah, from Blink. I mean, from Sugar Ray.

2:42 Drew Yeah.

2:42 Adam Right. Kathy Griffin, Dear Friend, Kathy Griffin is gonna be in here. Then Dear Friend, Tori Amos on Wednesday. And then Thursday, Dear Friend, David Alan Greer, or Dag as I call him.

3:02 Drew I heard you call him that. All right. He's taking over that Bunny Hunt Show.

3:05 Adam There he is. Well, the man has talent, why shouldn't he? Are you ready to move forward here, Drew?

3:11 Drew You wanna start with that one, not the one I had.

3:13 Adam Well, you had it like this, Drew, which is...

3:16 Drew Either one's good.

3:17 Adam You're straddling both calls.

3:19 Drew Both good. Both good. All right.

3:21 Adam Heather?

3:22 Yes.

3:23 Adam You're 24, what's up? Yes.

3:26 I love you guys. I'm so excited that I'm on. The reason that I'm calling is I saw Dr. Drew the other night on MSNBC, on Scarborough Country, and he was talking about Michael Jackson. By the way, Drew, you looked so hot. Seriously. Anyway, the reason I was calling was he was talking about Michael Jackson and being a pedophile, child molester. I'm wondering if he-

3:47 Drew I was saying maybe, they keep putting me on the spot and saying, is he or isn't he? What makes one? What's your question?

3:55 Adam Well, he loves all the children of the world, regardless of creed or color or nationality or religion, as long as they're dudes. I mean, isn't it clear?

4:05 Drew Yes.

4:05 Adam That's all he wants. He wants to save every children, all children. They're all precious, all the guys, all the fellas.

4:11 He just wants to save every 10 year old boy.

4:13 That's all.

4:15 Adam He's not, yeah, he seems to have a range. They seem to be between like seven and 11. They seem to be male or they're always male and they seem to be of some sort of ethnicity, maybe a Latino or something like that. And I got a theory about that. What, what, what? Well, it's in that culture, that kind of stuff flies a little more easily. Like you couldn't do that to a Jewish kid. Wouldn't work. His parents would be all over you. Let, let, let, let's face it. This goes on in that culture much more readily than it is.

4:49 Drew Oh, Latino.

4:50 Adam Oh, yeah.

4:50 Drew What does offering your kids up, oh, I see.

4:53 Adam There's much more of that going on.

4:55 Drew There is, there is a lot of it in Mexico in certain populations.

4:59 Adam Yeah, look, we can't judge. We cannot judge. You want to ask your kids? That's your cult, that's a cultural thing. I'm not judging. I'm just saying, if you're going to screw around with a kid, better to pick one from a group that has a little more.

5:13 Drew History.

5:14 Adam A little more momentum with that. I'm not saying every one of them does.

5:18 Drew Well, maybe it's just a statistical thing. Maybe. Yeah. In those populations, there is more abuse, so there are more victims, so there are more opportunity to victimize, you understand? Pure numbers game.

5:30 Adam Well, listen, here's the thing, you start diddling a Jewish 10-year-old, you're going to have a big, fat, mad Jewish mom whose dad's a lawyer, is going to sue your ass off, everything's going to be, jig's going to be up. Find some poor Latino family, broken family, and poor is a good way to start, any way you slice it.

5:46 Drew I think that's what you're saying, poor and broken.

5:49 Adam Yeah. But Latino, stronger. Stronger choice.

5:52 Drew And, Heather, the other thing I was saying...

5:53 Adam I don't think the guys talk that much. What have you ever heard a 10-year-old Latino boy even say anything?

5:59 Drew Michael Jackson, there's a few things we know about him, and one of the things he has said is that, I'm not a man, I'm a boy. And what's wrong with that? And that is a disavowal of reality. That's a repudiation of reality, and that's kind of disturbing. Anyway, what's your question?

6:11 Adam But good times.

6:12 Good times, yeah, child molesting, good times. The reason that I was calling is, I have a family member that's older, and as a child, I was, I don't know if you'd say molested, but inappropriately touched.

6:27 Adam Who did this?

6:29 My cousin. He's older. He's like six or eight years older than me. I was seven. He was 13. And I'm wondering, and then later on, he has his own little girl now, and he has been accused of molesting her older sister, his stepdaughter. I guess I'm just wondering if you think that pedophiles can be cured, I guess, or if they're sort of going to be like this for the rest of their lives.

6:58 Drew He sort of fits the profile, too, Heather. But be that as it may, it's sort of a chronic condition much akin to addiction. And people that treat and deal with this disorder a lot hope, above everything else, that they get to treatment before they harm somebody. That's sort of one of the goals in these treatments, is to get a hold of these people that could be victimizers before they really act out dangerously and hurt somebody else.

7:22 Adam MAD and the urethra is the only real treatment for these people. We actually, we dilate.

7:28 Drew Dr. Alter, will you be on them?

7:30 Adam I used graduated, loose-site rods to Simulate the MAD. To dilate the urethra, stretch it out to the point where I can fit an MAD into it. We modify an MAD because normally the fuse is in the middle of an MAD. We actually relocate it at the end. We pack it in there.

7:47 Drew And make it spike-shaped.

7:48 Adam And light it. And then when it blows up, it's like a cartoon, when an old musket got, you know, when you put your thumb in a musket, it just blaze. Yeah. That's how it looks like.

7:56 Drew But Heather, they, so people can be treated. These behaviors can be contained. But it's sort of like, in some respects, changing what people are attracted to. You know, you know how you're attracted to certain things? Yeah. It's hard to change that. Do you think? Now you could not act on those attractions, but you can't really change the attraction.

8:13 Adam I mean, this is my, this has always been my thought, which is we think of diddling young boys or young girls or young anyone is wrong, but it's easy to think something's wrong when you don't care for it. It would disgust you to do it. I mean, it's like it's, it'd be real easy not to eat fast food. If you hated fast food, it made you vomit. Just the idea. But if you really did love fast food, it would be difficult to drive past the place, especially with a couple of beers in you on a Saturday night, not to pull in.

8:44 Drew Absolutely.

8:45 Adam And if that's their food of choice, how are you going to talk them out of that?

8:50 Drew Just the fast food is the perfect analogy. You can educate and structure and contain and to get people not to do it, but you can't get them not to like the fast food. It's hard to do that.

8:58 So, okay.

8:59 Drew You can diminish the drives.

9:01 Adam I want to know how old his stepdaughter was when he...

9:06 His stepdaughter was, I think, five when the mother accused him of this, and she divorced him, actually. And now, he has his own daughter, and she's five now. You know, it's been a few years now, and I just... I'm worried that if this is a chronic condition, like Dr. Drew has said, and like I've heard other people say, that he's going to act out on it with her.

9:27 Adam Look, if he's taking a pass at his stepdaughter... Here's the other thing. Hard to tell whether he's going to take a pass at his daughter will take a pass at his daughter's friends. That's for sure. I mean, the best-case scenario is that he diddles one of his daughter's five or six-year-old friends, right? That's the best this guy's going to do, right? As horrible as he has it, as he does the daughter. I don't know what to do. You can't hire a drifter to kill him.

9:53 Drew He can be treated, but he has to want to be treated. There has to be a lot of structure and leverage in place.

10:00 Adam Whatever happens, it's just putting hits out on people. Just contracts.

10:05 Drew It still happens.

10:05 Adam Just put them down. Yeah, I know, but they're putting down mafioso guys and wives are killing their innocent husbands to collect the insurance and stuff like that. How about just good old straight away killing? You know what I mean? People that need to be put in the ground.

10:20 Drew It would be much simpler, wouldn't it? It would be a simpler life.

10:23 Adam It really would. People have a huge objection to that. I have no problem with that.

10:27 Drew You've got to remember, the adults that are acting out in this heinous way are the children that we were crying out for 10 or 15 years previously.

10:34 Adam I know, but it's like oldie alerts. Like, hey, sorry buddy, we love you. You're a great dog. You saved me from a bear. I know I've got to put a bullet in you behind the woodshed. I'm sorry. I hate to do it. I've got to put a bullet in you. You're a rabbit. You're going to bite somebody. Yeah? Julie?

10:52 Yes.

10:53 Adam You're 21?

10:54 Caller I am 21. For about the past year and a half, my breasts have been leaking. I've been to doctors, I've been tested, all kinds of tests, I've been on medications to dry it up.

11:11 Drew Were you on medications before it started?

11:14 Yes.

11:15 Drew What medicine?

11:16 Caller I was on breast control for about a year and I was on Prozac for about five years.

11:26 Drew Do they think it's the Prozac?

11:27 Yes.

11:28 Drew That'd be pretty wild. That's unusual, but yeah, it happens. Well, there you go. And now that you're off the Prozac, it hasn't stopped?

11:35 Caller I've been on the Prozac for two and a half years.

11:38 Drew Something that once they get going, any stimulation of the nipple will perpetuate the milk.

11:43 Adam That's how I am.

11:44 Drew The atom is that way. He's got sensitive nipples.

11:47 Adam Very sensitive nipples. I like a little nipple play.

11:50 Drew Vomit, vomit.

11:52 Adam So, shoot me, I like nipple play.

11:54 Can you make me less of a man?

11:56 Adam Thank you. I like a little nipple play. Just a light flicking. No. And it's good if you moisten the flicking finger, too. Just a light flick. That's all. Julie? Did we answer Julie's question?

12:13 Drew So, you've been worked up and it's... Joel is not coming.

12:15 Adam All right.

12:16 Drew Fantastic. That's fine. Julie, you've been worked up. You've been checked out. It doesn't have to be a heinous thing. It's hard sometimes if you like this. If she's large-breasted, sometimes the bra against the nipple will cause the...

12:28 Adam Julie, are you large-breasted?

12:30 Caller Yes.

12:31 Adam How big are you?

12:33 Caller I'm small, and I'm a big C.

12:37 Adam Your body is small.

12:38 Caller Yes, and I'm a big C. Yeah.

12:42 I like that.

12:44 Adam What size is your body?

12:46 Caller A 2 or 4.

12:48 Like 2 to 4.

12:48 Caller I weigh about 115.

12:50 Adam 115. How tall are you?

12:53 Caller 5'6.

12:54 Adam 5'6, 115, and a large C. It's a good combo. Sure the fellas enjoy it, right?

13:04 Caller I mean, it's real uncomfortable. Like, they will hurt. I mean, I will physically be in pain if they don't leak enough.

13:12 Drew Were you on Parlidle?

13:15 Caller No, I was on Dostenex.

13:18 Drew These are just things to try to get you to dry up. All right. Well, you're under good care. You do what you can. Sometimes you can't get these things to stop. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it.

13:26 Adam The guys don't understand what the size, you know, they get into that. She is a 42 double D. Well, that means linebacker size back. You don't want that big number. Guys get into that. Guys don't know anything about stuff. Look, you shouldn't know anything about anything, but you should know about things that affect you.

13:49 Drew So your ideal would be about a 32 double D.

13:52 Adam Yeah, I don't even know if they really make that.

13:55 Drew Yeah, but that's an anime character that you draw.

13:57 Adam Oh no, I draw a 30 triple F. You see my drawings? Yeah. With the big hubcap-sized areola.

14:06 Drew Jessica Rabbit.

14:07 Adam No, but I'm just saying a 34 double D is lookout. That's what you're looking for. Guys get caught up in the number. As a matter of fact, they'll go, she's a 42 B. That's not what you want. That's that sort of cholo gangbanger thing. You don't want that big. That's a fire hydrant. You don't want that. You want the small number with the big... High letter. Here's what you want to do. You want to go down in the numbers. You'd rather be heading toward 32 rather than heading up toward 40. You want to be heading down. And then you want to be going down in the alphabet. So it's like that. Yeah, yeah. So you're saying you want to be a very bad student. You see what I'm saying? You don't want an A average. You want a D or F. That's what you want.

14:59 Drew That's what you worked for for many, many years.

15:00 That's why you sought that out.

15:02 Adam Yeah, I was always naturally attracted to the D and that's why I carried that average in high school.

15:08 Oof.

15:09 Drew Homage.

15:10 Adam I'm going to find out. Maybe I could find out my transcripts or something. I was a one and change. C is a two, right?

15:20 Drew I think it's a two five, isn't it?

15:22 Adam Oh, I just thought it was a two. We didn't have higher than four when I was in high school. Four was an A.

15:29 Drew C is a two. So one is a D.

15:30 Adam Yeah, one is a D. I was carrying like a one, three or four. I think that was my thing. But that was double digits. We weren't into the points. Most of the Corollas were like, you know,.5s,.0s, yeah, it was like.5, like that kind of stuff..7, that kind of stuff. I was clearly into the solid numbers, whole numbers, which is, you know, again, an amazing achievement for Corolla. Mariam?

16:03 Yeah, hi.

16:04 Adam You're 16. What's up?

16:06 Caller Well, first of all, I want to say goodbye to Cosby and Tera because she's a wonderful phone screener whenever, so I really hope that she does well, and I have a question for both of you.

16:14 Adam Yeah. Tera, don't call me Tera. This is going to be her last night.

16:17 Caller Yeah, and that's really sad because she's a great phone screener and everything, and I'm sure she's a good person, so good luck.

16:22 Whatever.

16:24 Adam Did she talk you up while you were on hold with her?

16:27 Caller No, but I used to call and she would pick up, and I was like, oh, she's the greatest, so.

16:30 Oh, really?

16:31 Drew Yeah.

16:31 Adam You know her work.

16:34 All right.

16:35 Adam Well, we're going to miss her.

16:37 Caller I know.

16:37 Adam I don't know where she's going.

16:39 Caller I think.

16:39 Drew Touring the world, I think, with her.

16:40 Adam Oh, she's going on tour.

16:42 Caller On tour? Okay, whatever.

16:44 Adam Wherever she's going will be better than where she is.

16:47 Caller Or at her thank you note or something. Anyway, here's my question. I am wondering if the morning after pill were available over the counter, completely legal, you know, if you get it, CVS, would you, do you believe that abortion should be illegal or illegal, in cases, not counting cases where the mother's death, mother's health is endangered?

17:09 Adam So there's an interesting point, which is now that we've given you some alternative. Well, here's the thing. I still like to keep it legal, but it does add an interesting wrinkle. The problem is, is your wrinkle is only good for 75 percent, so it's not going to work.

17:25 Caller What, the morning after pill only 75 percent? Well, the thing is, you have to take in the fact that, you know, you can get condoms and birth control everywhere. I volunteer at Child Welfare Services. They have condom baskets in front of the elevators.

17:43 Adam It would be nice. Well, here's the thing. Okay, first off, you're never going to stop stupid people from doing stupid things. It's how they keep their status as idiots.

17:54 Caller That's true.

17:54 Adam You just have to do stupid things. And there's a certain element in this country that you're never going to be able to stop because they're that stupid, and they're that effed up, and they're that driven. You would like to... Now, that is a core group. You're never going to affect that core, but then there's all sorts of people that are sort of hovering around the fence between stupid and sort of quasi-employable. Those are the people that call into this show. And those are the people we... No, not you.

18:25 Drew The present company accepted.

18:28 Adam Those are the people you could get to.

18:30 Drew And I think, Maryam, you're asking... I think the question you really mean to ask is, if... would you trade it? In other words, if somebody would make The Morning After Phil totally available, would you trade that for an illegalization of abortion? Well, but I think that really puts the cards on the table.

18:47 Caller Yeah, I mean, I was saying, do you think you should take it that stupid people are going to have... not be able to kill their babies? And Taylor said there's going to be horrible people who are, you know, not really making contribution to society, take care of the bill of kids, with the risk that you're eliminating the idea that people are, you know, just...

19:04 Drew In my utopia, Maryman, my utopia, we'd have The Morning After Pillow available everywhere. We would have illegalization of abortion and an elaborate adoption system that everyone embraced.

19:15 Caller See, that's what I want.

19:15 Drew That would be my utopia. I don't know if it's realistic.

19:18 Adam Yeah, it's not, but I could go for that too.

19:20 Drew That would be my utopia. If there's a way to get there, I'd help it go.

19:24 Caller But in the actual world, do you think that abortion should be legal?

19:27 Drew In a perfect world. In the actual world, in the real world?

19:31 Caller That just has to be this way. That has to be legal.

19:33 Drew For a while, yeah, obviously.

19:35 Adam Look, I'm an atheist, so I don't give a rat's ass about anything. No.

19:42 Drew Oh, no.

19:43 Adam Agnostic is a pussy atheist is really all that is. I don't know of something.

19:50 Caller But how do you know it's right and wrong if you're an atheist? I'm not condescending you.

19:54 Adam I know. Listen, it's a common question that...

19:57 Drew How did Aristotle arrive at absolute moral truths? He was not a Christian. He was a pagan.

20:02 Caller I'm not Christian. I'm just curious whether...

20:04 Drew No, I'm just saying that the original people that developed the moral system of logic were not religious.

20:08 Adam It's an age-old religious argument, which is if you're not religious, how do you know right from wrong?

20:15 Drew Your brain.

20:16 Adam I have a brain. I have a conscience. I'm an intelligent person. I understand it's inherently and empirically evil to...

20:25 Drew Certain things...

20:26 Adam .aff my own kid in the A. No matter how good it feels.

20:31 Drew How could something feel like it would be that evil?

20:33 Adam I'm just saying I understand it's a bad thing to do bad things to other people. And that's one of those sort of no-da things. So you don't have to break it down any further than that. God hope that everyone is born with that. And believe me, let me tell you something too, you screwballs, you religious nut jobs out there. You guys have an excuse. You can repent. If you have nothing, you have no excuses. There's no heaven, there's no hell, there's just the life you have on this earth, and all you have when you leave is the memories that you leave in other people's heads. And if you did those people wrong, then that's your legacy. They think you're an a-hole. Now, what you guys got is the chance for redemption. Doesn't matter where you are or how far, you know, you can be, believe me, you can be going to the gallows, and all you need is the Father to come over there and wave a little Hail Mary over you, and all of a sudden you're back in the good graces of the Lord. That's the easy way out. That's the coward's way out. But believe me, atheists have more to lose, and it's not as if, hold on, what percentage of people in prison are atheists for murder, and for rape, and for assault, and for incest? What percentage are atheists? Under ten percent? Those are all God-fearing people that are in there that have effed their kids and put shivs in guys that own them ten bucks and raped old women.

22:05 Drew Not only that, but where did the laws and moral teachings come from that religious organizations preach?

22:10 Adam God gave it to them.

22:11 Drew Right. Or a human brain thought them up.

22:14 Adam No. God stuffed them into that human brain. Yeah.

22:19 Drew Either way, I got that same brain.

22:21 Adam Look, all you gotta do, go on death row, find everyone who's murdered everyone, and find out if you find any atheists in that group. Tell me, Drew, way under twenty percent. Way under twenty percent. So, you worried about the atheists? I don't think you should be worried about the atheists. You gotta worry about the guys who can be forgiven. Atheists can't be forgiven. You kill somebody, ask the Lord's forgiveness. All they do is interview these guys, like, what happened? Well, I strayed from the flock a little, but since I've been in the joint, I've reestablished my relationship with Jesus Christ and He's forgiven me. That's great! You got six coeds still on the ground. You're going to see them in heaven? That's got to be uncomfortable. What happened? What? You let him in? Yeah, he strangled me with a car antenna when I was 17 before he raped my corpse. Yeah, yeah, but he's in. He repented. That's got to be uncomfortable. Okay, you're up there. You're one of the victims of this guy. Yeah, you got to hang out with him in heaven. Guys, anyone ever think about that? Family? Hey, last I saw you, I was floating above my corpse while you were banging the bejesus out of it by some ditch near the side of the road. This, now we're up here? We're in the same place? Really? Alright. Hey, it all makes sense. It all makes sense. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Loveline, y'all. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Macy Gray in here tomorrow night. Looking forward to meeting her because she has a great voice. And I don't mean just a singing voice. She does have a great singing voice, but she's got a great voice voice. But she's nutty. I think she's nutty. She's a little wacky. I don't mean that in a bad way. I don't know who got mad at Rose McGowan, who, by the way, is nuts.

24:21 Drew She got mad at Macy?

24:22 Adam No, she got mad at me for calling her nuts on the air. She called up one day, all pissed off. And then, you know, we had Marilyn Manson in here and it's like... By the way, when Marilyn Manson, with the, you know, the tumbler full of loudnum in front of him, calls you nuts. You're nuts. That's Marilyn Manson calling you nuts. That's a guy who's got his own nuts tucked between his legs. And he's calling you nuts. You're nuts. You're nuts. Yes?

24:47 Drew Yes.

24:48 Adam Look, I'm not, I don't mean it in a bad way. Or I know maybe it does sound bad, but certain people are a little nutty. Well, why can't we say that?

24:57 Drew There's, there's, there's happy nutty.

24:59 Adam Yeah. Chase you with a butterfly nutty.

25:03 Drew There's fun nutty.

25:04 Adam Macy Gray's a little nutty. Yeah, in a goofy nutty, colorful way.

25:08 Drew Right. It doesn't have to mean sick.

25:09 Adam No, not, not, yeah, not I'm gonna torture cats in my mom's basement.

25:13 Drew Yeah, yeah.

25:14 Adam Just a colorful nutty.

25:15 Drew Yeah.

25:16 Adam We need that.

25:16 Drew Good times.

25:17 Adam Good times. What the hell was, what the hell was Marilyn Manson drinking that night? What the hell was that stuff?

25:24 Drew Saba-Synth.

25:25 Adam Yeah.

25:26 Drew Ladnam.

25:29 Adam I'm trying to think of a ghoulish drink that he could drink.

25:33 Drew But there was something about, yeah, we had to add water and turn it milky.

25:37 Adam All I know is I had a couple sips of that thing. It was buzzing like a hummingbird.

25:41 Drew Oh, really?

25:42 Adam Yeah.

25:42 Drew No kidding.

25:43 Adam And then I said, this is my new drink. I get a little crazy with this Absinthe stuff. And then somebody stole it. Oh, no, Lauren. A producer. I think Junior, Junior, Junior Producer Lauren took the bottle home with her. What? You know what? He, you know what you do, and this is, by the way, here's what you do when you're an alcoholic or you have a problem with a substance and you don't want people to think you're a boozer. You do this. You go, hey, Drew, hey, Adam, got you a little gift. Oh, that's not, what is that? That's an imported absinthe. They get it from, like, Hungary. Oh, that's, wow, hey, thanks. That's a nice bottle of liquor. You didn't have to, but that was nice. I'll just set that down here. And somehow it sort of slides into, yeah, let me just get the cork on that.

26:30 Drew Let me show you.

26:32 Adam He drank three quarters of my bottle, and then Producer Lauren took the rest home with her.

26:37 Drew Which is the other way to hide your drinking habits.

26:42 Adam What happened to my absence? But a couple of swigs off that got a weird buzz. It's weird stuff, Drew. Hey, but good times. Listen, I don't know if I could get into that stuff. I think I would get too weird. You know what I mean?

27:00 Drew Too buzzed?

27:01 Adam I need to dial it down a notch. You know what I mean? A couple of glasses of red wine in me.

27:08 Drew You have a strange combination needing to be jacked up and turned down.

27:12 Adam I don't need to be jacked up.

27:14 Drew You have an engine that can't start.

27:18 Adam Wait a minute.

27:18 Drew Your engine needs to be started.

27:20 Adam I need a cup of coffee in the morning.

27:22 Drew But your vigilance needs to be turned down.

27:24 Adam I need to be turned down. I'll go crazy. I have too much thought. I'll try to pack it in my brain.

27:28 Drew It's like the vigilance. It's like your parasympathetic. You're hyper-inhibited. You need some sympathetic tone.

27:38 Adam All I know is I need to... when I get home, I need to dial it down with the booze.

27:43 Drew Yeah, well that's just alcoholism.

27:46 Adam Jess?

27:47 Drew Yeah?

27:48 Adam You're 15?

27:48 Caller Uh-huh.

27:49 Adam What's up?

27:51 Caller Well, I was just calling with my friend Rachel because we were wondering... Because recently, in today's Saturday, there's been a huge boom of kind of like the whole gay thing and it's turned into kind of like a trend and we were just wondering if there's a fine line between thinking, hey, I think she's pretty and whether or not you're bisexual or not.

28:14 Drew I've just been observing American culture for many, many years now and she sees a recent trend in the last decade or so that's caught her attention.

28:21 Adam Now back in the 80s when she wasn't born, well, yeah, it's much more acceptable for the gals to go at it these days.

28:30 Drew Well, it's sort of, I think a lot of girls do it to attract the guys because it's a cool thing, it's a power statement and they will do it as a way of, not because you have a sexual thing, but it's sort of a cool thing to do. If, on the other hand, you and some women mistake intimate feelings for sexual feelings, some women have been traumatized and are very confused about their sexual orientation, some are lesbian. That's sort of the spectrum.

28:54 Adam Well, also too, it's sort of a next step sort of situation, like when you're, and this goes in line with you attracting the guys, but I'm just picturing Britney Spears and Madonna having a little makeout sesh at the MTV thing, which is after, you know, Britney is basically going out there in pasties and a tampon now. What else are you gonna do to arouse men when you're already, listen, you're shown as much crack and as much boob as you can at this point, where do you go?

29:28 Drew Now that you've got Christina coming up on behind, you know, she's gonna move up on you if you don't do something more outrageous.

29:32 Adam Right, right. So this just sort of lands in the outrageous category. It's almost equivalent to guys with the crazy tats and the crazy piercings. It's just like hey, back in the day, if you just had long hair, it was enough to piss off the man. Now you gotta put a bone through your nose and get a snake going across your face if you want to F you to the man. And if you're a girl, it used to be just wearing a mini skirt was enough to piss off the man, and now you gotta make out. You see what I'm saying? So part of it is just a kind of a general upping the ante.

30:07 Drew What is your perception, Jess?

30:08 Caller Well, because like, I know like a lot of people I hang out with at school and stuff, like if they'll meet someone who's like oh yeah, I'm bisexual, I like girls and guys, they'll be all like oh, well, I want to kiss a girl, and I'm a girl, I kiss a girl, and it kind of annoys me because a lot of people I know take their sexuality seriously and it's like sometimes people...

30:33 Drew You're saying it's a mark of distinction, it's a way of being cool or setting yourself apart.

30:39 Adam Also, there's a sort of retarded leftism where somehow if you're not gay, you're discriminating, like you're not open to it. It's not because you're not gay, it's just because you're closed and you're thinking, you're not a free thinker. You know what I'm saying? You're uptight, man, if you loosen up.

30:57 Drew You'd be with guys and girls. You're leaving out half the population of the Earth to love.

31:02 Adam Yeah. What about the animal kingdom?

31:05 Drew We left those out, too. See, you are uptight, man.

31:07 Adam Yeah, well, primates. You know, I mean, you can't...

31:11 Drew Of course, you were so close-minded. What does it matter with you, man?

31:14 I don't even know you, man.

31:16 Adam You can't get to, like, amphibians and things like that, can you?

31:19 Drew You know, if you're really creative...

31:20 Look frog up your ass.

31:22 Adam All right. Listen, I'm uptight. I like the gals. That's my thing. Callie?

31:30 Hello?

31:31 Adam Yeah, hey, what's up?

31:38 Yeah, my question is, I'm wondering what is acceptable to do on the first date?

31:44 Adam Who's that drunken behemoth in the background?

31:47 That's my roommate.

31:48 Hey, guys, can you keep it down, please?

31:51 Jesus Christ.

31:53 Adam Hose on them. You have roommates. You're 17. You're out of the house, huh?

31:59 Caller I live in the group home.

32:00 Adam Group home? First off, watch those group home guys.

32:07 Caller Yeah, trust me. Oh, yeah.

32:10 Adam That's... I don't even think they should have co-ed group homes. Why do they have that?

32:16 Caller I don't know.

32:18 Adam Well, I mean, you got some troubled 16-year-old guys. You know, if dad was an alcoholic and beat the crap out of them and mom was turning tricks and stuff like that, all of a sudden you're going to dump him off in some house. And by the way, it's not a group, it's just some house that's been converted into a group home and there's a bunch of 15-year-old chicks running around? Are you kidding me?

32:36 Caller Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

32:38 Drew Kaylee, I suspect that given you're sort of in that kind of population, you might want to, for you, keep the range of acceptable behavior on the first date to a minimum.

32:48 Adam Why are you in a group home?

32:51 Caller Well, my parents and I just don't really get along very much anymore and I like to party and so she kicked me out a few months ago.

32:58 Adam Well, so you want to have a good time. It's all good. Okay, well, you're probably one of the saner people in that group home. But that's not saying a lot. But now, here's the thing. Who are you dating?

33:13 Caller Right now, no one.

33:16 Adam Who's going to ask you out? Someone outside the home? Yeah, I mean, do you get to date outside the home?

33:25 Drew Are you serious here?

33:26 Adam Are you going to school?

33:29 Drew What prompted this question? What prompted the question?

33:32 Caller I've had experiences in the past where guys have sort of been pressing me to do more. It's not that I didn't want to, but I've gotten a bad rap in the past for going too far.

33:44 Adam Okay, let me explain something to everybody, by the way. You can stop people. People don't know where you're at. They don't know what you're thinking. It's like people get themselves into trouble. They talk too much. You know, like you used to be a horrible liar. You know, somebody calls your house now and you pick up the phone. You know, when you're a kid, you're like, Well, and they're like, come on, don't you have a couple of minutes talking about, Well, I guess I got a couple of minutes. I'm right in the middle of something important. And they're like, well, can I? And you're like, no, I'm sorry, can't. You hang up. You get the skills. It'll work on the person almost every time. You just got to employ those skills. As a girl, you just got to say no. And they'll go, come on. I know you. No. And you don't realize how close they are to shutting down when you let them in, oftentimes, whether it's the guy's trying to sell something or the guy's trying to get in your pants. You give them that one more where the guy goes, come on. And you go, well, just a little. Now, you could have shut them down with one more. It seems like he's never going to end.

34:40 Drew You cannot put a crack in the wall.

34:41 Adam That's right.

34:42 Drew If they see a crack, then now they're going to fill it with their penis. Oh, yeah.

34:45 Adam Seamus? Yeah. You're 21? You have some stats for us on in-flight injuries?

34:52 Caller Yes, I do, actually.

34:54 Adam Caused by turbulence?

34:56 Caller Yeah, I checked it out when you guys were talking about it last week.

34:59 Drew We were actually interested in in-flight deaths. Right.

35:02 Caller I couldn't find any deaths.

35:03 Drew What? There must have been too many.

35:07 Adam They can't tell. We run a PSA every night that tells you to wear your seatbelt when you're in an airplane because your body wasn't made for in-flight turbulence.

35:14 Drew Because there's 40 other potentially fatal activities that you're much more prone to.

35:17 Adam Yes, football and rollerblading. But how many people are injured, Seamus?

35:23 Caller Well, they group it by type of airplane. I figured you guys were talking about commercial flights, so it's like Boeing and Airbus, which are the two major carriers. There were 619 since 1972.

35:38 Drew Oh my God.

35:41 Adam Is that nationally or internationally?

35:44 Caller That's national statistics from the United States.

35:46 Drew I thought it would have been a couple hundred per year, at least. People fall and twist their ankle and claim that.

35:52 Adam Old ladies are walking drunk to the bathroom when the plane moves just a little bit and they just take a spill.

36:00 Drew That would be in that statistic. It includes workers. It includes everything. That's amazingly low. Why do we even bother with seat belts? Now I'm pissed off every time I've been woken up to have my seat belt buckled.

36:13 Adam 30 something years, 31 years, and they've had six, so it's like 20. Is that like 20 years?

36:21 Drew 20 injuries a year.

36:22 Adam Yeah, maybe a little less, but 20 a year. And again, if you went to serious injuries, you'd be way down into the double digits. Way, well into. You know what I'm saying? It's a first rate killer, that air turbulence. There's no doubt about it.

36:41 Drew Your body's just not meant for it.

36:42 Adam It's touched all our lives. My grandfather went from air turbulence. My wife's, both her parents, went from air turbulence. I had a brother that I don't like to talk about that went from air turbulence. It's a first rate killer. And now we got to keep the seatbelt fast until we get to the gate. Until we stop at the gate.

37:06 How many inches has it been from that part?

37:09 Drew The part where they announce every time you hit the ground, please please keep your belt up, please. Please, until we stop at the gate.

37:15 Adam I always like that part too. So if we're T-boned by like a A4 that's being scrambled up, got the belt on, doesn't it just keep you in the fire a couple beats longer?

37:28 Drew Or on the other hand, you're cruising at four miles an hour and it stops suddenly. What's going to happen then?

37:37 Adam Our entire lives have been taken over by this nonsense, by just pure BS. And here's whose fault it is. It's the attorney's fault. And then it's the weak-willed pussies who are bringing up these lawsuits. I want to live in an environment where, and I've magically made it through my whole life without a lawsuit. People have to be accountable. I want everyone who's done more than one lawsuit, I'm going to put them in what I call a troublemaker's category, and they're going to be very closely watched and scrutinized. That's it. Tired of all these pussies destroying our lives. And everyone is always like, well, what difference that make to you? Believe me, I'm the one who's getting yelled at to put my seatbelt on, and I can't pop it off.

38:23 Drew How many hours of sleep you'll last with them tugging on you because your blanket's over your seatbelt. Secondly, how much money is wasted? Hey, talk about giving money to the poor in more productive places.

38:42 Adam I would just love it if some candidate came in and said, look, I'm going to take this country and start running it like a German factory. You understand? I'm going to start looking at it. And here's the way I figure it. I figure we've got about 99% people that are just greased cogs and there's 1%. And that's the sand that's getting in between everything and screwing it up. These are the guys with the 15 lawsuits. These are the guys that are cranking out the 30 kids. These are the guys that are in and out, in and out, in and out. They're going through the system. They've got the parole officers. I'm going to find these guys. We're going to extricate them from society. And then we're going to hum along. Yeah, that's what I want. And people are scared of that. They're like, oh, well, you're a... Listen, all you have to be scared of. You're the sand in my gears. You need to be scared. If you're not, you got no problems. That's what we're talking about, Drew. I don't know what this... There's this sort of thought that once you... Once they start this process, they'll just keep going.

39:40 Drew It's a slippery slope. It's at the guillotine's next, guillotine. Guillotine.

39:45 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, you let Kvorkin do what he does.

39:47 Drew It's at the guillotine.

39:48 Adam You're just killing innocent people.

39:50 Drew Children, adults, everybody. Let's take it on.

39:52 Adam Healthy people.

39:53 Drew Slippery slope.

39:54 Adam Take a break. We'll be right back.

40:06 Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam.

40:09 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-0.

40:14 Drew Big Week coming up.

40:15 Adam Yeah, Macy Gray coming up, Kathy Griffin, Dear Dear Friend, Tori Amis, Dear Friend, David Allen Grier, Dear Friend, coming up too. Woo! Who is that? Is that AFI doing that Boys of Summer song? Who is that? The Ataris. Oh, the Ataris. I kill them for making that horse ass song.

40:36 Who's doing this song though?

40:38 Drew I like a girl with a big butt but fruit in the middle is juicy, is sweet, cause it's fruit and in the middle. How about a little cheer from Dag?

40:46 Adam It's a little David Allen Grier for ya.

40:48 Drew I like that.

40:49 See my fingers, see my thumb, we got the ball, you better run.

41:06 That's a cheer, baby, that's a cheer.

41:10 Drew Oh yeah, I drank my coffee that night.

41:15 Adam He's got a talented man, David Allen-Gray, deeply troubled, you got a talented man. Listen, people think David is all fun and games. Drew and I know a deeply, deeply troubled man.

41:27 Drew I just remember that, don't look, don't look at me, routine he did. Do you have that one on tape by chance? Yeah, let me find it. Here it is, here it is. Oh, you can't find it?

41:36 I said let me find it, hold on.

41:38 Adam He'll find that, a deeply troubled David Allen-Gray who is in good spirits, by the way, these days. Is he in good spirits, by the way? Yeah, oh, I went to, I was in Vegas with him. He's mad at me for making him see Siegfried and Roy, you know, six months ago when I was there. But I said, hey, these guys aren't gonna be around forever and you're gonna wanna say you saw him.

41:58 Drew And he's still mad at you or now he's still mad.

42:00 Adam Yeah, well, he didn't wanna go see the show. I said, we're seeing Siegfried and Roy. Listen, in 1977 or 76, when people were seeing Elvis, I'm sure the cool people were making fun of those idiots. They were seeing big fat Elvis at some, you know, he's wearing some crushed, powder blue velvet jumpsuit and stuff. Meanwhile, Crosby, Stills and Nash are playing at the Thomas and Mac Arena and they're like, hey, let's go over there.

42:24 Drew Absolutely.

42:24 Adam There's a cool, yeah, wait, you're going, what are you, my parents? You're going to see it.

42:28 Drew He's at the Hilton.

42:29 Adam He's playing, you're going to see Elvis at the Hilton? Yeah, okay, it's a fat bloated, out of shape Elvis singing a bunch of old songs way past his prime.

42:35 Drew A bunch of old people yelling at him.

42:37 Adam But those people are glad they saw him now, right? You can say you saw Elvis. I saw Sigmarine Roy just a few months before the tiger bit him. And I dragged Dag to see that because as a dear, dear friend, I felt responsible for him and he holds it against me. We're going to have it out Thursday night, by the way. All right. You ready to go? Yeah.

42:56 Don't look at me. Don't look at me. I will give you something to smile.

43:13 That was a dig in his sexual prime.

43:19 Adam That's how he makes love.

43:20 That's what he said. He said it's for real too.

43:22 Adam Yeah. He grabs the tuft of your hair, he beats on your ass, yells at you not to look at him, and then immediately goes out after orgasm.

43:32 Drew I wonder why he has girl problems. Anyway, Mario, what's going on?

43:36 Adam Mario, you're 22.

43:37 Caller Hey, Adam. Dr. Drew, hey. Adam, you are the closest thing to God this planet has ever seen, brother.

43:43 Adam Thanks.

43:44 Caller Seriously, my hero.

43:45 Adam Thank you.

43:53 Caller And she said, you know, I'm going to be a little bit more aggressive. And she said, you know, I can't be impregnated before. And the story changed afterwards. And so I suggested, well, morning after pill, I hear Dr. Drew preach about it left and right. So she refuses.

44:14 Drew Why?

44:15 Caller She just, she's going on the whole, I think she's going on the whole abortion trip. I tried to tell her it's not an abortion.

44:21 Drew Not an abortion pill. It'll suppress her ovulation.

44:24 Caller Right. Right.

44:24 Drew As soon as possible. Get the plan B. Go get it. Just go get it for her.

44:29 Caller Just get her to take it.

44:32 Adam Massage her neck and shoot it down her throat.

44:35 Drew You can't give it to her without her knowing it. But you can certainly offer it to her. Let her understand what it is. Nothing. Do an abortion. It'll just, if she hasn't ovulated yet, it will make sure it doesn't happen.

44:46 Adam Say Drew and God want you to take it. Lorenzo.

44:49 Yes.

44:50 Adam Lorenzo's got a problem at something I'm saying with the Latin culture being a little more okay with the incest.

44:56 No, no, no, no. What I'm trying to say is that when, and you know, this is what happened when I, I was running, you know, home, and you know, and listen, I'm a big fan of you guys.

45:06 Adam Thank you.

45:06 First of all, I'm a big fan of you. Uh-huh. But I get a sense a lot of times that, you know, you have kind of an empathy to Latino community or whatever, okay, and today I just happened to hear that in the Latino community is like something like, if I'm mistaken, like molesting or effing your kids, it's a normal thing. You wouldn't find that. Wow. I'm just making sure because, listen, one time I called for, Stuart Copeland was on your show.

45:39 Adam Stuart Copeland?

45:41 Yeah, Stuart Copeland, police.

45:43 Adam Of the police, yes.

45:46 I was talking to him and you guys were talking before something about, oh, he was saying something about that you guys can kind of tell, according to the voice of the person, can tell if kind of pulling it out.

46:01 Adam Lorenzo, hold on a second. Hold on a second.

46:05 Drew We got to take a break.

46:06 Adam We got to take a break. Yes. I poke fun at all communities, but the land with the kids, there's a little more of that going on.

46:15 Drew It's not land. It's in poor communities in Mexico, I think you're talking about.

46:19 Adam Yeah, I'll tell you a story about that. When we come back. That's a disgusted Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1. Macy Gray in here tomorrow night. Excited to meet her, Kathy Griffin. Not so excited to see her, but, oh, I gotta, ooh.

47:00 Drew You gotta RSVP to her party.

47:01 Adam I gotta call her back, yeah.

47:03 Drew You gotta wear a tuxedo to that party, too.

47:05 Yeah.

47:07 Drew Her invitation says, I'm not effing S-ing you. You must wear a tuxedo.

47:12 Adam Really?

47:13 Yeah.

47:13 Adam Tori Amos, who's not effing or S-ing either one of us is in here, and then Dag, David Allen, careers, I know. All right. Let me just get back to- Yeah. Let's get back to Lorenzo. Listen, Lorenzo.

47:29 Caller Yes.

47:30 Adam So anyway, Lorenzo took exception to my, we were talking at the beginning of the show where Michael Jackson, his young boy, he seems to be a young Hispanic kid. And I was saying, I think it's a little easier to get away with that in the culture. You got a better victim over there than you do a young Japanese kid or-

47:50 Drew More likely to have a victim with that darker skin.

47:53 Caller I mean, but-

47:53 Adam You're playing your odds. Here's my point. Here's what I'm saying. If I'm gonna molest the 10-year-old, I pass by the Jew and the Japanese kid, the black kid, I go to the Mexican kid. I think I can pull it off with that kid. That's what I'm thinking.

48:08 Drew Maybe, I'm gonna put a Dolterra spin on it, maybe you're just looking for a victim.

48:13 Adam No, I like the milky brown skin.

48:15 Drew And you're more likely to come across one of those first just playing the number.

48:18 Adam Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm doing.

48:19 That's what I'm doing.

48:21 Caller But, yeah.

48:22 Drew In Southern California, by the way. Okay. In Southern California.

48:26 Caller Listen to me just one second, okay? The way that you put it, I remember this. I was telling you just now, an interview with Sewell Copeland, and he asked me where I'm from, and I said, from Peru. And before that, he was saying that you guys can recognize whether a person was abused, or has something going on in her childhood through her voice. I don't know if you remember.

48:56 Drew Well, we can, though.

48:58 Caller Okay. But now, when Sewell Copeland, he asked me, you know, where you from? I said, I'm from Peru. And you know, he started talking in Spanish, and you know, just like a good time. And then, you know, he said, oh, you know, you can tell by his voice that, you know, he was abused as a child. And then, Adam, you said, well, you know, he's from Peru, you know, on that country, it's normal. What I'm saying is, you know, I mean.

49:27 Drew It's normal for there to be sexual abuse in Peru.

49:29 Caller Adam, you are not an asshole, okay? You are my guy. You know, I really like you.

49:33 Drew Well, there's a way you got that part wrong.

49:35 You got that part very, very wrong.

49:38 Adam David, I read your point. And as I make my living off of stereotyping, please don't get in the way, because one day I will stereotype against a group other than yours, and you'll be happy that I stereotype.

49:50 Drew You always.

49:50 Adam You see what I'm saying?

49:51 Drew But you do, you stereotype. You don't leave anybody out.

49:53 Adam No, including my own family, for Christ's sake. You know, so listen, I got ideas. I don't have time to research everything.

50:01 Drew Well, you were going to tell some research you've done with the Garden Grove Police.

50:06 Adam I went out with the Garden Grove Police once, and the guy told me he worked on, I'm not going to mention the officer's name, but he worked in the child services, whatever, with the molestation and the juvenile, whatever. And he said every single case he goes on is Latino. And that's probably most of the population of that group. So that's about 80% of it. It's not like he's working in the Beverly Hills beat, but I had a talk with him and he said, it's a little more popular in that culture and it stuck, that's all.

50:36 Drew I think, I really think it's rural, poor Mexico.

50:39 Adam Doesn't, yeah.

50:40 Drew And a couple generations ago where that got going.

50:43 Adam Now listen, you're going to live at home until you're 25. You're going to get nailed by grandpa eventually. I mean, that's the long and the short of it. Diana? You're 14? Let's see, what does S&M stand for, knows what it means.

51:03 Caller What, huh?

51:04 My name is Brianna.

51:06 Drew Brianna, okay.

51:08 Adam Oh, oh, oh, it's not Brianna.

51:11 Drew It's not Diana like it says there.

51:13 Caller Right.

51:14 Drew It's Brianna.

51:16 Adam Which is like Brianna, but it's Brianna.

51:20 Drew Probably one and instead of two ands, right? Whatever.

51:25 Adam Well, no, no, I'm curious. Do you spell your name the same as Brianna and pronounce it differently?

51:30 I spell it B-R-I-M-A.

51:35 Drew M-A? B-R-I-M-A.

51:38 No, B-R-I-N, B-R-I-A-N-A.

51:43 Drew Like I said, one and instead of two.

51:45 Adam Oh, that's Brianna's two ands. What the hell kind of name is Brianna? Uh-oh. Brianna?

51:56 Drew Now, we didn't hear it. It must be about a minute run.

51:58 Adam We need you to move a little closer to the smoke detector. Don't tell me you don't have one because I heard it. Move closer to the one you don't have then.

52:07 Drew There's something, look in the ceiling on the walls. You'll see a little round disc.

52:13 Adam Okay, do me a favor.

52:14 Drew Be quiet for a second.

52:15 Adam Just be quiet. Hold the phone away from your mouth. Just hold it up into the air.

52:21 Drew Hold it up there for a second. Okay. We're usually at 38, aren't we?

52:29 Adam Yeah.

52:30 Drew This one, I think, must be on 50, because we didn't need... What's she doing?

52:36 Adam I don't know. Brianna? You there?

52:42 Drew Hold on a second.

52:43 Adam I heard a smoke. I heard a thing.

52:44 Drew Oh, I definitely heard it.

52:46 Adam Well, how come we can't hear it?

52:47 Drew Because it's gonna be... It's not gonna be a normal periodicity, isn't it?

52:51 Adam No, they're all between 30 and 40 seconds.

52:54 Drew Did you just shut a door, Brianna? Did you just shut a door or something?

53:03 Adam Sounded like the door closed. Are you standing where you were standing?

53:07 Drew When you started talking to us? Go back to where you were when you just began the conversation. Are you there now?

53:15 Adam All right, what part of the house are you in? You're in the room. Is this where you were when you were talking to us, when we were talking about the smoke alarm?

53:27 But the TV was on then, it's off now.

53:31 Adam Maybe something came from the TV. Do you live in an apartment?

53:34 No, a house.

53:35 Adam You live in a house. Is it a newer house?

53:40 No.

53:40 Adam Yeah, but that could be 1993, right? How old do you think the house is?

53:46 Chicago? It was built about 40, 50 years ago.

53:51 Adam Mm-hmm, and no smoke detector in the house, huh?

53:56 Well, in the house, yeah, of course, but not in my room.

54:00 Drew We'll go to the nearest one.

54:04 I cannot leave my room at this. It's like 1 a.m. right here. Everyone's asleep.

54:10 Adam Where's the nearest one? In the hallway?

54:13 I have no clue.

54:15 Adam Your parents not putting one in your room means they don't love you. My parents not only didn't have a smoke detector in my room, they kept oily rags, and they let a hobo play with a Zippo lighter while I slept.

54:32 Very nice.

54:33 Drew Back porch made of toothpicks. Anderson, it was at a minute four. Let's see if you can find a tape of that for us.

54:40 Adam No, it wasn't at a minute four. Was it like 59?

54:43 I'm not going to stop the whole show for that.

54:46 Drew He's not going to stop the show.

54:47 Adam Come on.

54:47 I'll play one for you if you want to hear one. If it's that important to you.

54:54 Adam Listen, we're like prisoners in the studio. We have to figure out ways to occupy ourselves. That's Anderson playing it. Listen, Brianna.

55:02 Drew You want to question?

55:04 Adam She wants to know what the S and the M stand for.

55:08 Drew Sadism and masochism. Sadism and masochism. That's what S and M stands for.

55:19 Adam So sadism means you like to do stuff to people and the masochism part is like doing stuff to you, right?

55:24 Drew Right.

55:26 Okay, and I just want to say, I was listening and before when you were talking about the whole religion and stuff, you know what I'm talking about? About forgiveness and all that.

55:37 Drew Yeah.

55:39 Adam Mm-hmm.

55:42 Drew Whatever.

55:43 Adam Okay, she ran out of steam there. I wish she could go back. You know what I like about, you know what I love about our callers is like you go, listen, I want you to go toward the smoke detector in the house. We don't have one. I know, please, you have to have one and we heard one. No, we don't. You don't? There's no smoke detector in the house? No. Because then five minutes later, I know we heard a smoke there. Yeah, it's not my room. Was I that stupid at 14? Or is it stupid meets combative?

56:18 Drew Yes.

56:19 Adam Stubative?

56:20 Drew Stubative.

56:21 Adam It's just stubative?

56:22 Drew Stubative, yes.

56:23 Adam Like I didn't say the smoke detector in your bedroom. I just said your house has no smoke. No, no smoke detector.

56:31 Drew Speaking of disgust, I got to talk about the newscast on Friday Night Show with this 2020 episode about a guy getting amnesia and he was so clearly a trauma survivor with bipolar mania and they presented this story about this guy forgetting who his wife is as though it's just like a kind of soap, like a Gilligan's Island episode where a guy hits with a coconut and now he's ginger. It's like, oh, oh, forget. People want to believe, you know, no one consults about what, you know, I sit here thinking to myself, you know what reminded me of is that song Ruby Tuesday? Where, yeah, lose your dreams and you will lose your mind. You know what would happen if you lose your dreams, Adam? You lose your mind. Yeah. Everyone knows somebody that's lost their mind because they stopped having dreams.

57:11 Adam Sure.

57:12 Drew Everybody.

57:12 Adam Sure.

57:13 Drew Yeah. Never happened. Never happened.

57:14 Adam Well, that's an A. Here's the whole thing. Whenever you watch a news, whenever you read an article, whenever you read the news, if it's ever about you, you know it's totally wrong. You know what I mean? Yes. If you're any, anything you ever read about yourself is just off. Right.

57:31 Drew In other words, if somebody's quoting you or giving a report about you, if someone did a story on you, it would be wrong.

57:37 Adam So, now everything you see on TV that isn't you...

57:40 Drew Worse.

57:41 Adam Assume that it's wrong. Assume that if that was you, it wouldn't be accurate.

57:45 Drew Right.

57:45 Adam And therefore it isn't.

57:47 Drew Stupid. Then we did the Jay McGraw thing, follow that, and that just was...

57:51 Adam Drew doesn't like Jay McGraw selling more books than him.

57:54 Drew No, I don't like that.

57:55 Adam Because his dad's Dr. Phil.

57:56 Drew I don't like that.

57:58 Adam He's going to write a book for teens on how to lose weight.

58:01 Drew I don't like that the press doesn't ask questions.

58:04 Adam Ah, they're just a bunch of ass-kissers. Listen, this is the publicist. The publicist, if they hardball them, then they don't get them next time. It's just more publicist being. The publicists are just... They're leeches on society. They're really, they're really, they're the pariahs. I'd like to just get... I'd like to get all the publicists and all the attorneys and just pack them into one cannon and then pack it with the ass and fire it into the ocean and just be done with it. It's a much better society. No publicists, no attorneys. What a utopia we'd be living in, Drew. This is just publicist crap. Screw them.

58:44 Drew David?

58:47 Adam What's up?

58:51 Drew All right. Raise our spirits.

58:54 Adam It's Germany or Florida, by the way?

58:57 Caller Well, I had a quick question, like an actual Loveline legitimate question real quick. It's just a really quick one. I just want to know, my friends and I have been arguing over this. Is it true that the term threesome and the term gangbang have two different meanings? Like a threesome has to be two girls and a guy, and a gangbang has to be two guys and a girl.

59:14 Drew Whatever. Gangbang implies more men. Threesome could go either way.

59:20 Adam Gangbang implies multiple penises. Okay, let's break it down. We never broke this down before. Gangbang means more than one Johnson.

59:30 Drew Probably more than two.

59:31 Adam Probably more than two. Yeah. Because if you thought you were going to take on a gang of two guys, you wouldn't really worry about it. So gang means three or more. With the penis, one vagina. That's a gangbang. If you start including more vaginas, now you've got orgy on your hands.

59:51 Drew That's right.

59:53 Adam And then a threesome can be of any mixture. Or the same. Although three guys going at it is, technically I guess still a threesome. But the eyes of God.

1:00:04 Drew But if a guy brings it up, when a male brings it up to a girl, he's talking about two girls. Almost to that exception.

1:00:13 Adam Right.

1:00:15 Drew Germany or Florida? Make us happy.

1:00:18 Caller So I guess I'm not supposed to say where.

1:00:20 Adam Hold on. That's Pink singing the theme. Go ahead.

1:00:28 Caller I guess it happened actually like a while back. There was I guess some like political turmoil going on and it became like pretty intense. Like this one guy actually developed a pretty big hatred towards members of the Jewish race and everything. And it actually became like legalizing the massive genocide of like millions of like Jewish people actually.

1:00:54 Drew Was that Florida or Germany? Yeah.

1:00:59 Adam Wait a minute.

1:01:01 Drew Where did that happen? Germany or Florida?

1:01:03 Adam Most are callers are stumped. Well, wait a minute. Now, this seems too obvious to be Germany.

1:01:09 Come on. He says it's a joke.

1:01:10 Adam They wanted to legalize. What do you want to do? You want to legalize?

1:01:15 Caller The genocide of millions of Jews.

1:01:18 Drew Did he carry it out?

1:01:20 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:01:24 Adam Oh, okay. He's screwing around. I'm so naive.

1:01:27 Drew Well done. Thank you.

1:01:28 Adam Don't ever call again.

1:01:31 Drew I like that.

1:01:32 Adam Believe me, Kelly Osborne doesn't know who we're talking about.

1:01:35 Drew She's an expert in World War II.

1:01:36 Adam I only bring her up because I was announcing that women don't know anything about war, and she fought back feverishly, explaining that yes, we do. I'm studying it in school. My father is from England. I know all about the war. I said, OK. Who are the good guys and who are the bad guys? Oh, please. That's not fair. It's not fair. You are the weakest thing. Goodbye. It's like saying, I know everything about cars. It's like, OK, how many wheels on a car? Oh, that's an unfair question. No, it's not. It's the world's easiest question. I didn't ask you about the cam timing. I just asked you how many wheels on a regular car. Yeah, that's what that was. Unfair.

1:02:19 Drew How dare you? How dare you?

1:02:21 Adam Listen, and then she got mad at me for laughing at her, but my whole thing was just don't pipe up.

1:02:26 Drew Then we had a woman called who was an expert military expert.

1:02:28 Adam Didn't know anything either or knew something, but not that much. Here's all I'm saying. A lot of people piping up in this society about stuff they don't know. It's not like me. I know everything. I'm talking about the incest in Latino cultures. I know what I'm talking about. You see what I'm saying, Drew? I have data. Let's talk to... Now, look, is this person's name Chevelle? Yeah. Chevelle? Is that your name? That's your real name? That's where I was born. That's a bad sign, boy. That's serious white trash right there. Your dad was... Yeah. Yeah. Your dad was in the... He's in the Chevelles?

1:03:11 Drew Think so it was a travesty that they were discontinued?

1:03:13 Oh, I don't know. I really don't know.

1:03:16 Drew Those types of things. I still complain.

1:03:18 Adam Oh, you don't know your dad?

1:03:20 I know I was conceived in the back of a Chevelle.

1:03:23 Adam Perfect. Yeah.

1:03:28 It's a good thing you worked...

1:03:29 Yeah, white trash.

1:03:30 Adam You could have been in a Daihatsu charade or something. I mean, it could have been worse.

1:03:36 Drew The Chevelle at 16 doesn't end in the Chevelle at every 25 years old.

1:03:40 Adam My dad was a Chevelle man. And let me say this once. Let me say to all you white trash idiots out there, with your stupid wife beaters and your bad mustaches, I watch these crappy... All I watch is car shows when I get home and I see these jackasses, oh, there's Chevelle, all this. They love all that American muscle. Let me just tell you something about your beloved American muscle car. Straight axles in the back. Drum brakes and leaf springs, pieces of junk.

1:04:07 Drew Junk.

1:04:08 Adam Junk.

1:04:09 Drew GT40?

1:04:10 Adam GT40 was a barely production car. They made seven of them. They didn't even make them. How dare you? All that other stuff you guys get nostalgic about, though, all those Corvettes, all those Mustangs. There's about three of them that are nice. The rest are junk. All that Chevelle, all that stuff, all that big bunch of iron blocks and iron heads and 1950s technology. Just junk, just pure junk. Please get over yourselves. Does car suck? Thank you Chevelle, go ahead. Okay, well... I'm tired of all these idiots from Florida with their bad mustaches talking about Mustangs and coming in their pants. Cars are junk. Go get in one, go drive one. It's just junk. Thank you.

1:04:52 Now that you got that out...

1:04:54 Adam So your dad named you Chevelle and then split?

1:04:57 No, my mom named me Chevelle. My dad split before he even knew my mom. Well, as soon as he found out my mom was pregnant, he took off.

1:05:06 Drew What's your question?

1:05:08 Well, I'm 16 and my best friend, her parents know that I've been going through a lot of family troubles. And they said about, because this happened about a year ago, that things started getting really bad. And so they said that they would be willing to take me in as one of their kids. Because they've only got two kids in any way. But my question is, if I go with them, if I live with them, then I would have to call social services in order to get it legally, like them as my legal parents. But if I do that, I would be taking chances of having my other little brothers and sisters taken away from my parents.

1:05:54 Drew Taken away to a place of safe keeping.

1:05:56 Yeah, I don't want them split up, like, not seeing each other.

1:06:00 Adam You'd rather have them together in hell than split apart in a decent environment?

1:06:05 Well, no, because they are not treated the same as I am.

1:06:07 Adam Yeah, they're gonna.

1:06:09 Drew Well, the social services don't rush in and take everybody away.

1:06:12 Adam How many brothers and sisters do you have?

1:06:14 I have two little brothers and a little sister.

1:06:20 Adam Yeah, criminal, criminal and stripper. That's what I hear.

1:06:24 Drew Is the stepdad the one that's mistreating you?

1:06:27 Is what?

1:06:28 Drew The stepdad the one that's mistreating you?

1:06:32 Well, it's kind of my stepdad. He's like an alcoholic and my mom is just, my mom just doesn't like me. We constantly fight like all the time. And she's constantly saying how like she regretted having me and things like that. And she found out that I, you know, because I cut myself. And he found that out and he grounded me for like a month for finding out about it.

1:06:56 Drew Oh, that kept you from cutting.

1:06:58 Adam Now how old is this little Pinta Vega? Pinta Vega. I know Pacer is a weight problem. We had to see it coming. No, what do you, your other, your other, they named after cars or?

1:07:14 No, they're named after family members.

1:07:17 Adam Oh, they're named after other places they were conceived, like cot, lawn and haystack. Couch. Porch sofa. Come here and do your homework. Hey.

1:07:32 Drew Chevelle, here's the deal. Chevelle, get out of there. It's fine. The social services were all for it. They will, their job is to improve things, not to make things worse. Just go ahead and do what you need to do.

1:07:42 Adam All right. And baby, don't act out now. Don't get pregnant.

1:07:45 I don't want to. I don't want to.

1:07:49 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

1:07:51 Adam Let me, yeah, look. Here's what you all need to do. You all need to do the exact opposite of your parents.

1:07:58 Caller Yeah.

1:07:58 Adam If you have crappy parents.

1:08:00 Caller Thank you.

1:08:01 Adam Yes. You're, you're, you need to remain a virgin for as long as you can, get good grades, get an education, and have a fruitful and healthy life.

1:08:10 Caller Yeah.

1:08:11 Adam Yes. And do that. And then, and then wave your money in front of your parents and taunt them. That's what I do. Yeah, that's what I do.

1:08:17 Drew It doesn't, it makes a point of that.

1:08:18 Adam Yeah.

1:08:19 Drew Thanksgiving was quite an illustrious experience with you, with those dollar bills, you're, well, there were thousand dollar bills, weren't there, you waved them?

1:08:25 Adam That's what I do. Yeah, I, I, I, I show up at my dad's house and I, I crumple up, uh, five dollar bills and I throw it at him. And I yell, uh, hey old man, get me more gravy.

1:08:33 Drew Start smoking fifty dollar bills?

1:08:35 Adam I know, I actually like Cuban cigars or the fifty dollar bill. And uh, then I, uh, yeah, like I said, I crumple, I crumple up, uh, fives and tens, I throw it on my dad. More gravy! More gravy! You! And I yell at my stepmom. Yeah. More uh, more hollandaise sauce. And I just start screaming at everyone. And then I pelt them with money. And then once in a while, I grab a handful of quarters and I throw them in the hallway and watch them scurry. Watch them scurry after it. And then I laugh.

1:08:59 Drew Maniacally.

1:09:00 Adam Maniacal. Oh no, all my laughs are maniacal.

1:09:02 Drew That's true.

1:09:04 Adam It's good times. We're gonna, uh, take ourselves a break, um, what's to know about, uh, praying? Did you, did you have a good Thanksgiving?

1:09:12 Drew Yeah. Very nice. You doing alright? Yeah, really nice.

1:09:15 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

1:09:17 Drew Calm.

1:09:17 Adam Yeah.

1:09:17 Drew Good family pictures taken on, uh, Oh, that's gay. Like, uh, Friday.

1:09:24 Adam What was in the background? Something blue?

1:09:27 Drew Laguna Beach. No, it was like, it was, Oh, it was real, real stuff.

1:09:29 Adam I like that backdrop.

1:09:31 Drew We had this spectacular sunset. We were running around trying to get lighting, instead of the dogs, you know, we had our dogs with us trying to get them to behave themselves.

1:09:37 Adam My, uh, you know, my, uh, my nieces all go to, uh, they all live in like, uh, Oregon.

1:09:42 Drew Yeah.

1:09:43 Adam And, uh, you know, they show me their school pictures and I'm like, uh, what is that? That's a pretty realistic looking tree behind you. It's like, that's a tree. Well, what happened to the weird blue backdrop? Uh, that's a tree.

1:09:56 Drew Outside.

1:09:57 Adam What do you guys do? Take pictures outside for your school? Yeah. What's that next to your school that's green? That's a forest. Where's the stucco and the aluminum windows and the blacktop? Uh, that's, uh, that's Oregon. Yeah, well, you're from North Hollywood. Wow. How do you go to school where there's trees and stuff? Uh-huh. Take our pictures outside. It's bizarre. I can't even picture it. It just seems so, uh, I'm wondering why these people aren't healthier. Here's what I'm curious about. I talk to people. Riddle me this, Drew. I work with guys that are like, uh, where'd you grow up, Pebble Beach? What do you mean, Pebble Beach? Well, just right there. I mean, like, near the country club and, uh, you know, up, up north there. Mm-hmm. Just a couple, you know, a couple blocks away. And what'd you do when you were in high school? I was on the golf team. What'd you do? Well, we played Pebble Beach almost, uh, you know, every day. And what'd your dad do? Hey, he was a lawyer for whatever, and he lived right by. We lived right on the beach there. And I was looking at them like, why aren't you healthier?

1:11:00 Drew You mean, why aren't they more productive?

1:11:02 Adam They just seem as nutty as the next guy. They got their problems, they have their insecurities, their idiosyncretes.

1:11:09 Drew They have the wind out of their sails, as they say. It's like, where are you going from there?

1:11:13 Adam I guess not, yeah. This is a big letdown.

1:11:15 Drew Yeah, everything else just like, hey, you've done it, everything else cool. Whatever. Whatever.

1:11:19 Adam I just think they should be healthier. That's all.

1:11:22 Drew You would think.

1:11:23 Adam One would. All right, we'll take a quick break.

1:11:24 Drew It's all about the family, though. Families can be sick everywhere.

1:11:27 Adam Thank you. We'll be back. Hey, yo, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Macy Gray in here tomorrow night. Never had her on the show, as far as I know.

1:11:50 Drew No.

1:11:51 Adam No, so excited to meet her. Wanna talk to Dana about... How do you spell Dana? You spell Dana that way?

1:12:03 I knew that was coming.

1:12:05 Adam Hey.

1:12:05 Drew That's crazy as hell.

1:12:06 Adam Hey, let me say something, phone screeners. I give this speech, what, Drew? No. Remember on Love Line, the TV show?

1:12:13 Drew That is phonetic, that's phonetic.

1:12:15 Adam Fine, got no problem with that. But remember Love Line, the TV show?

1:12:18 Drew Oh yes.

1:12:19 Adam They would hold people's names up on a cardboard card. And I couldn't pronounce any of it. It'd be like, Mosh, Mosh, Mosh, Mocky? And they'd go, Michael. And then I'd look like a retard, because I couldn't read the name Michael, except for nobody could read it the way they actually spelled it. And I would scream at these people all the time. I don't give a rat's ass how the guy spells his name. You just write it like it is. If it's Dana, just write Dana. Now, this is fine. It's fanatic. It's cool. But listen, all you screwballs with your whacked out spellings, your special, your cool, your stupid hippie parents, screw you and your whacked out spellings. Spell them one way. That's it. And phone screeners, if they say their name is Dana, then you just spell it Dana. That's it. There's a female and there's a male, right? One of them's got an H somewhere. Dana?

1:13:15 Caller Hi.

1:13:16 Adam What's happening?

1:13:18 Caller It's D-A-N-A. Not too hard. Not too hard.

1:13:22 Drew Well, the way it's up on our screens.

1:13:24 Adam Well, that must have just been a typo. And I don't hold typos against people.

1:13:30 Caller All right, Dana.

1:13:32 Adam We got D-A-Y-N-A.

1:13:33 Drew Unless they're afraid you're going to say Dana and they want to spell it out for you there.

1:13:38 Adam In that case, I ain't going to hold that against them either.

1:13:41 Caller I get that all the time. Don't worry about it. Thanks for taking my call. I was wondering, about two or three weeks ago, I was having sex with a guy, and the condom broke when we were having sex, but he hadn't come yet. So, I was wondering, what is the likelihood of somebody getting pregnant by pre-cum, if I'm not on birth control?

1:14:12 Drew No one can give you a number, but it can happen.

1:14:15 Adam But look, Drew, let me ask you that.

1:14:17 Drew Not as likely as if you're ejaculating.

1:14:19 Adam Okay, they say that the pre-gu has semen in it oftentimes, sperm in it oftentimes, right?

1:14:26 Drew Yes.

1:14:27 Adam Oftentimes, not all the time?

1:14:28 Drew Not all the time.

1:14:29 Adam Now, remember when I started doing the show, there was like, oh, that's sperm rich. More sperm in it than...

1:14:36 Drew Yes, for a while there, they were saying highly concentrated. Now they're saying some guy is concentrated, some guy is empty.

1:14:41 Adam That was nothing but BS, which is a scare tactic to try to scare people, right?

1:14:45 Drew It was used that way.

1:14:47 Adam Now, 53,000 Americans die every year from secondhand smoke. Oh, really?

1:14:52 Drew And hundreds of thousands in terrible turbulence.

1:14:54 Adam That's right. But wait a minute, these are lies. Oh, no, but they're good. No, no, no, worry. People are stupid. We'll tell them what they should know because it'll scare them not to smoke or to put their seatbelts on or to wear a condom. And we're righteous that way. We got God on our side on this one. Really? Just lie? That's great. All right, so you don't like it when we lie about Saddam Hussein having weapons of mass destruction so we can go put a terrorist down, essentially, right? That kind of lying not good? Your kind of lying is good? Oh, but our lying is to save people. Well, maybe that's our lying, too. You got to look at it that way. But that's basically it. That's the difference between Democrats and Republicans. Democrats lie about the secondhand smoke, airplane turbulence, and how AIDS is an equal opportunity killer. Republicans lie, say this guy has weapons of mass destruction as an excuse to go over there and stomp him. That's how the lying goes. And both well intentioned. If you really break it down, for the most part, they're trying to save lives, so we've got to lie. I just like the part where the Democrats are outraged that there's this kind of lying going on. Alright, so, pre-cum. Got a little sperm in it.

1:16:10 Drew Can get pregnant, should use morning after pill.

1:16:12 Adam Maybe does, maybe does. What about the fact that it's not being injected? How much does that do?

1:16:19 Drew Nothing.

1:16:20 Adam Because, you know, I've hit myself in the forehead before. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And my head was on the other side of the room, too. It wasn't even catching it. I mean, it was like good 16, 17 feet. No, but I mean, you know, once in a while, you get off a good one, you know what I mean? It's always a weird surprise, too. You're beating off, and it's like, yeah, yeah, just like a volcano is just dribbling down, just dribbling down. I hit myself in the sternum. Where's that one? It's like a rogue blob. It shoots out.

1:16:56 Drew You know what I'm saying?

1:16:58 Adam Yeah, so here's my point. That's pressure. That could get up a woman.

1:17:02 Drew But the penis is already... The point at which you insert your penis, maybe not you specifically, but most men, one, you're up against the cervix.

1:17:11 Adam You're right.

1:17:12 Drew You're there. So it doesn't matter.

1:17:13 Adam Why would it eject then? It must serve some purpose.

1:17:19 Drew Just to clear the pipe to get it all out.

1:17:21 Adam Oh, really? So really the ejection doesn't... A little something.

1:17:26 Drew Maybe if you were on the backstroke, it helps head it towards the cervix.

1:17:30 Adam I never eject on the back.

1:17:32 Drew But things kind of collapse anyway.

1:17:34 Adam They time it for the front stroke.

1:17:37 Drew Yeah, well, that's good.

1:17:39 Adam I never really... I gotta work that out. I never really think about that. Alright, so, but this was some days ago, right?

1:17:45 Drew Oh, I didn't hear that.

1:17:47 Adam Dana, when was this?

1:17:49 Caller This is about three weeks ago.

1:17:51 Adam Well, if you're pregnant, you're pregnant.

1:17:53 Drew You got a pregnancy test. You got a pregnancy test, you can put it to rest.

1:17:57 Caller Okay, so, but you're saying...

1:17:58 Drew Yes, you can get pregnant. Can I tell you what exactly your risk is? Of course not, of course not.

1:18:05 Adam Jordan?

1:18:05 Yep.

1:18:06 Adam You're 16?

1:18:07 Caller Yep.

1:18:08 Adam You have a Germany or Florida?

1:18:09 Caller Yes, I do. A guy walks into a cathedral after-math, and he holds up one of the fathers or reverends or whatever at gunpoint and robs him of the collection plate. On the way of running out, he trips and drops his identification. He realizes a half hour later that he dropped his ID, ran or went back to claim it, and they arrested him. Mm-hmm.

1:18:36 Adam Smacks of Florida to me.

1:18:37 Drew Cathedral, though. Germany. Cathedral is Germany, but then the behavior is Florida.

1:18:43 Adam Maybe it was a Floridian who was traveling in Germany. Cathedral does sound, but see, sometimes we do have cathedrals out here. They're made out of that stucco with the sparkly stuff in it.

1:18:59 Drew That or Lego out here.

1:19:02 Adam Oh, by the way, anything worse than a bad 70s church is the whole valley is just they're strewn all over the valley. Just bad stucco. It's like aluminum sliding stained glass windows and just crappy 70s architecture and a weird, literally sort of burnt orange sparkly stucco and stuff, the rough sponge finish on it. God's gotta be pissed about that. God this guy gotta be mad.

1:19:31 Drew What were we thinking?

1:19:33 Adam Hey, alright, so where are we going? You're going cathedral, you're going Germany. Alright, we're going Germany. Good job. Yeah, Drew. Smart, smart move. See, you're listening, Drew. There's clues everywhere. I want to talk to this guy. He's been on hold for 61 minutes. Brian.

1:19:53 Caller Hey, how's it going, guys?

1:19:54 Adam Hey, you're 24.

1:19:56 Caller True. I, over the weekend, had a bet going with some of my friends. We got together for Thanksgiving and we were talking about how much dairy we had to eat. And one of them said, I heard somewhere you couldn't drink a gallon of milk in an hour. And I was like, I mean, I drink a lot of milk. I enjoy milk. You know, at restaurants and whatever. And I was like, I think I could. So the next day we had like a milk off.

1:20:21 Adam I had one of those too. We called them circle jerks back then. It was a more innocent time. But yeah, so you had your milk off.

1:20:32 Caller Right. So we put up $20 and bought two half gallons of vitamin D milk. And I sat down and I just couldn't do it. And about three quarters of the way through, like, I was like in like almost an altered state. It was really weird. Like, when I shut my eyes, like, I was still seeing like after images of stuff. And I was really tired. And I was about to vomit, but I didn't drink that much.

1:20:54 Adam You stopped. So how far did you get?

1:20:56 Caller Like three quarters of the way through.

1:20:57 Adam So you drank three quarters of a gallon.

1:21:00 Caller Yeah. And it took the full hour. I mean, I went down a lot. All right.

1:21:05 Adam And first up, by the way, I've had these contests with just water, just water drinking contests, guys. Oh, it's great because it's really a throw up contest. You will heave. Because here's the thing, your capacity to drink water well or anything well exceeds the amount, I mean, you know, this, it's the same with booze, you know what I mean? Like you go, you drink this many ounces of water, this many ounces of milk, or this many ounces of scotch, you're going to vomit, but your hand can keep moving indefinitely and your mouth will stay open too. That's what I love about guys. But it's always funny when your buddy's heaving.

1:21:40 Drew Lots of examples of women having these contests.

1:21:42 Adam Never happened.

1:21:43 Not in the history of mankind.

1:21:46 Adam What about it, Drew? It's funny because I just heard about this the other day. Somebody was talking about your body's inability to process dairy or whatever it is. Drew looks confused here. I hadn't heard much about it either. Something about lactose or something like that. Let me say this. If you drink a gallon of water in an hour and you didn't just get done playing racquetball, it's possible to heave that up.

1:22:17 Drew What happens is more serious.

1:22:19 Adam It's food. I don't think people look at a glass of whole milk as what it is, which is a bunch of calories and fat and a whole bunch of other stuff. That's a lot of food to take in.

1:22:29 Drew Absolutely. It's protein and sugar and all kinds of stuff. But the water can lower your serum sodium and can cause seizures and encephalitis.

1:22:37 Adam That's even funnier than vomiting.

1:22:39 Drew But they're really serious problems. There was a hazing thing recently where a parent was just suing because this kid had to drink water in some sort of hazing procedure. But he was on medicine that caused him to hang on to disproportionate amounts of water, so his sodium went way down. And he got real sick.

1:22:58 Adam Let's not be uptight about it. Stuff happens. That couldn't be avoided.

1:23:02 Drew Lactose, if it's not metabolized, just comes out of diarrhea. It just goes out. I don't know why they...

1:23:09 Adam Okay, so here's what I'm saying. People think it has something to do with it being a dairy product, but what you're saying, it's really what I said first, is it's more like you're just drinking a gallon of food and your body cannot take... Water doesn't have any calories. There's supposed to be a huge difference, calorically, obviously, between a gallon of water and a gallon of milk.

1:23:31 Drew Water's zero.

1:23:33 Adam Right. So even if milk is one...

1:23:35 Drew It's a huge difference.

1:23:36 Adam It's 100%.

1:23:37 Drew Anyway, but I don't know what the altered state stuff is. I wonder, again, if that's more of a fluid issue that he's getting. Sodium changes or something.

1:23:44 Adam Maybe it brings him back. Maybe all mammals have this.

1:23:48 Drew There's something called milk alkali syndrome.

1:23:51 Caller A gallon of anything is a whole lot more than it seems like it's going to be.

1:23:54 Adam I'm down with that.

1:23:57 Drew There are syndromes of people taking antacids and drinking a lot of milk and getting strange fluid electrolyte abnormalities.

1:24:03 Adam Try that again.

1:24:04 Caller Yeah, I tried to eat a bunch of loaves, like a couple pieces of homemade bread before that hoping it would soak it up, but it didn't work.

1:24:10 Drew What soak it up?

1:24:14 Adam Lay people think you can soak up alcohol, think you can soak stuff up.

1:24:18 Drew The bread is immediately converted and broken down into sugars also, within minutes.

1:24:23 Adam What about...

1:24:23 Drew Put bread in a glass of water, watch it fall apart. You add the enzymes from the stomach and the duodenum.

1:24:28 Adam The duodenum, well, naturally. But what about when you go out drinking? And you want to have full stomach, anything there? Nothing.

1:24:36 Drew It may change the rate of absorption of alcohol by changing how much alcohol is exposed to the lining of the stomach where it's absorbed. It's in a higher volume.

1:24:44 Adam It slows it down.

1:24:45 Drew It's more dilute. It slows the absorption down a little bit, but nothing much.

1:24:48 Adam Well, you know the ultimate hangover tip, Drew?

1:24:52 Drew Aspirin and orange juice?

1:24:54 Adam No, no.

1:24:55 Drew Oh, don't drink.

1:24:55 Adam Don't drink.

1:24:57 Drew You're a genius.

1:24:57 Adam Let me grab my sketch pad. Let me grab my pad, you retards. I love those tips. I love those tips. Then we do that New Year's. And of course, the ultimate, the only sure way, and of course, the only sure way not to get a hangover, take it easy. Don't drink too much. Oh, okay, you idiot. Really? Don't do whatever it is you're going to cure? Hey, hey, I got a cure for cancer, Drew. Know what that cure is? Don't get it.

1:25:24 Drew How about pregnancy?

1:25:25 Adam I got a cure.

1:25:26 Drew Pregnancy.

1:25:26 Adam Don't get pregnant.

1:25:27 Drew Don't have sex.

1:25:27 Adam Don't have sex. That's the only, you know what the best birth control is, Drew? Why not? No, no, not kind of. No, no, not birth control. You know what the only sure way? Abstinence. No. Yeah. Don't do it. Genius. Genius, right? Anything. Name a thing. Diabetes? A sure way?

1:25:45 A sure way?

1:25:46 Adam Don't get it.

1:25:46 Drew Hypertension? Heart disease?

1:25:50 Adam Don't get it.

1:25:50 Oh, my God.

1:25:51 Right?

1:25:51 Adam Are you writing this down? Retards with your lame ass tips. And I always listen to, every time New Year rolls around, oh, here's some sure fire tips not to get a hangover this year, all right? Don't drink.

1:26:09 Caller All right.

1:26:09 Adam Well, that's not an option. That is not an option. The other one was, like I said, drink half your weight in ounces of water before you go out. There are things like so, I'm a 200 pound guy, drink 100 ounces of water before I head out and then drink a nice big glass of water in between every, okay, okay, this is nonsense now. All right, we're going to take a little, I'm talking, I want a tip like break a number two pencil off in your ass or something, something I can do, something that's not going to affect my drinking. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody.

1:26:57 He-he-he-he.

1:26:59 Adam It's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Macy Gray in here tomorrow night. Looking good. All right. Let's, come on, let's help the kitties. What do you say, Drew?

1:27:10 Drew Let's do it.

1:27:12 Adam Wendy. You're 19? Your boyfriend has porn. Yes.

1:27:22 Caller How old is your boyfriend?

1:27:25 Uh, he's 24.

1:27:27 Adam Mm-hmm. 24, 19, all right. That's all right. That's all right. Were you ever abused? Your dad break your heart or skip out on you?

1:27:36 No, no, no. My dad's an asshole, but, um...

1:27:38 Caller Uh-oh.

1:27:39 But, yeah, that's not getting into that. It's not, that's not what I'm calling.

1:27:43 Adam I know, but that's ultimately why that's everything.

1:27:47 Drew Yeah, it's pertinent because those... Well, you'll be attracted to guys that sort of are like your dad, not necessarily...

1:27:58 Adam Well, not only you're going to be attracted to a-holes, but everything is going to be an issue with guys. If a guy treats you too good, eventually you'll screw that up. If a guy's got porn, you'll dig into that. Everything, everything is going to be, is going to be born of your a-hole dad.

1:28:16 Drew You're going to be expecting what you got from dad, from man.

1:28:20 Adam Alright, so here's your thing. I don't know if you're trying to sabotage this thing. Do you like this guy? Does he treat you right?

1:28:26 Oh, he's wonderful. I'm just getting worried, you know, because I want to, I've always thought we had a great sex life.

1:28:34 Adam You do?

1:28:35 We do, absolutely. It just, I didn't, I don't know, it's like gross porn. It's not just like-

1:28:41 Adam What kind of porn? By the way, first off, how dare you? No porn is gross. It's not saying, a child is gross. No, they're all beautiful. They may come in different shapes and different colors, but they're all beautiful.

1:28:52 Drew What kind of porn are we talking about here?

1:28:54 It's like, a lot of like cum shots and like-

1:28:59 Drew You're not talking about movies, you're talking about movies or talking about pictures?

1:29:03 No, it's, I just looked at the cover and it's just like-

1:29:08 Drew Of the magazine or the movie?

1:29:10 It's a movie, it's not a magazine.

1:29:13 Drew But the cover-

1:29:15 Adam How long is it going to take to get the movie magazine differential out from you, by the way? Is it a movie or is it a magazine? I look at the covers.

1:29:23 Drew But she's looking at the box of a movie and assuming that that's an exact representation of what's in there.

1:29:31 Adam Well, it's not going to be an animated Disney film in there if you're seeing a chica covered with goo. But they do get a little, they all, they're a little bit crazy. I mean, it's like, look at it this way. You see a movie, you see an action movie poster. There's scenes in the movie that aren't even in the movie that are on the poster. You look at a James Bond poster. He'll be hanging off a helicopter, getting oral from a chick and firing his pistol, AK-47 and a madman and a dirigible. And then you see the movie and like, where's that scene? I didn't see that scene.

1:30:09 Drew Let's get you to buy the movie.

1:30:10 Adam Yeah, they believe me. I've been angered many times about something, the movie not being as disgusting as what was on the thing. But what's my recourse? Some Ralph Nader I report my outrage called Judd McElvain. Oh, this is an outrage. And by the way, it's those covers that make it even more humiliating to rent. You know what I mean? You're moving up to the counter with a you bang is your anus 14. And the pictures basically, the woman looks like the Michelin man. She says she'll covered with semen. You're standing there and there's a guy standing behind you with his girlfriend. They got the Joy Luck Club. And then there's a guy in front of you that's got a Disney film. And you're just standing there with that obnoxious looking thing, trying to keep it against your hips, sort of strategically. But there's no good side to those things. They're all a mess.

1:31:02 Drew So see, Wendy could be worse. Your boyfriend could be Adam.

1:31:06 Adam And listen, here's all I want from the movie makers. Make one nasty side and one decent side so that you can casually put the nasty side against your hip. Not only is both sides nasty, but along the edge is nasty too. I mean, you have to keister the thing to get it to the counter with some dignity.

1:31:26 All right, Wendy, relax. You're looking...

1:31:32 Adam What, huh?

1:31:33 Nothing. Never mind.

1:31:34 Drew You're looking to sabotage. We'll start trouble. Yeah, you're looking to find trouble here. So just be relaxed.

1:31:38 Adam No, I'm not.

1:31:39 I'm just insecure.

1:31:41 Caller That's all.

1:31:44 Adam This is fine.

1:31:45 Drew Relax.

1:31:45 Caller All right.

1:31:49 Adam Yeah, you too.

1:31:50 Drew That's Frank.

1:31:51 Adam Frank checked a gallon of milk in high school. Says it's possible.

1:31:54 Drew So there we go.

1:31:55 Adam We had a break.

1:31:55 Drew Hold on.

1:31:56 Adam How long did it take him to chug a gallon of milk?

1:31:59 Caller It took him a little under two minutes.

1:32:03 Drew Two minutes?

1:32:04 Caller No.

1:32:05 Adam I swear. We have it on video. It was a gallon of milk. A little under two minutes without heaving. Yeah.

1:32:12 Caller It was like...

1:32:13 Adam Then he heaved. No, no, no. He didn't heave at all.

1:32:17 I'm going to have to cut it right here, guys.

1:32:18 Adam Sorry. I'm talking about a half gallon of milk. Rod Stewart had all that semen in his belly. Of course. Had to have it pumped. I will take a quick break. We'll be back. Well, that's the show. Before we check out, we want to say goodbye to Tara, don't call me Tera, goddammit, who we've had a tumultuous relationship with over the years. Illustrious. But illustrious. And I think their love has really grown over the last few months especially. We'll be sorry to see her go, but glad that she's doing whatever it is she wants to do and wish her all the best. And Tera, you stop by anytime you like, please. So until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Let's note the S and the M stand for.

1:33:01 Drew Right? Sadism and masochism.

1:33:06 Caller Huh?

1:33:10 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, November 30, 2003