Episode 1000582094934

1:03 Adam It's the best of Loveline. I can't tell you this, Dr. Drew, even though he's probably on vacation right now, having his nuts kicked around like a soccer ball by his domineering wife, he's still a board-certified physician, an addiction medicine specialist. So now, without any further ado, let's hear the best of Loveline.

1:24 Drew Family Guy did something tonight that was one of your bits. I don't know what it was, though.

1:29 Adam Elliot? You're 18?

1:31 Caller Yes, I am.

1:32 Adam What's up?

1:33 Caller Well, I just want to say I've been in the family show for a while. I've been listening to the tune of Five Years.

1:38 Adam Wow, worked to the tune of it.

1:41 Caller Yes, I did. All right, so my question is, I would like to-

1:44 Adam Hold on, hold on. I just thought of one of the, you know, I got that big long list of things that I want to do before I die. Having my hands registered as weapons, diving into a body of water with a knife in my mouth, that kind of stuff. Having a cape removed from me. Yes, yes. You know the one more thing I decided today? I want somebody in my group, after I greet a group of reporters and say, hello, yes, yes, I'm good, I'm good. And then they all start shouting questions.

2:14 Drew Tell me no more questions.

2:15 Adam Yes, somebody yells, thank you, thank you. No more questions as I walk away. I don't say no more questions. Someone in my entourage yells no more questions as I walk away. I'll work on that too. Maybe the same guy removes my cape. Elliot?

2:28 Caller Yeah.

2:29 Adam Sorry, go ahead, bud.

2:30 Caller Oh, it's all good. I wanna know if there have been any recent developments with the male birth control. And if you guys think if there was, if people would really take it.

2:39 Drew What made you ask this question?

2:40 Caller Well, I'm doing a speech on this in my communications class. I'm going to Cal State Long Beach.

2:46 Drew I strangely did a piece on this for CNN tonight. Nice. Yeah, there was this new study out of Australia where they proved the contraceptive efficacy over a couple of years of a combination shot of progesterone and little testosterone pellets like a-

3:02 Adam Moring bit.

3:03 Drew That they put under the skin of the man and say they get enough testosterone and they shut them down with the progesterone. And this-

3:09 Adam Wait a minute. They used the progesterone-

3:11 Drew The progesterone shuts the pituitary.

3:12 Adam The progesterone is the female-

3:14 Drew It's a female hormone that has-

3:17 Adam But it's not estrogen.

3:19 Drew It's progesterone.

3:20 Adam Okay, but let me, let's get something straight. Testosterone, male hormone.

3:24 Drew Yep.

3:25 Adam Estrogen, female hormone.

3:26 Drew Progesterone, female hormone.

3:27 Adam Progesterone, female. Does male have a second hormone?

3:31 Drew We have adrenal hormones that have androgenic activity.

3:34 Adam But they have two big ones.

3:36 Drew DHEA.

3:36 Adam They have estrogen and progesterone.

3:39 Drew We have one big one.

3:39 Adam We have one big one. I got one medium one, medium to small one. Okay, go ahead. So they give you the progesterone to shut down the sperm. Right.

3:48 Drew But that also shuts the testosterone down.

3:50 Adam Right.

3:50 Drew So they give you testosterone back.

3:52 Adam But doesn't the testosterone...

3:55 Drew Restimulate the sperm?

3:56 Adam Yes.

3:57 Drew No, it probably even suppresses it more.

3:59 Adam Really?

4:00 Drew The thing, and this particular, the idea is ultimately there'll be a shot that a guy takes every three or four months. And in this particular pill, it actually increased their sex drive.

4:09 Adam Yeah.

4:10 Drew And so we were thinking, so my-

4:11 Adam Well, it increased it because they-

4:13 Drew They were overshooting probably in the amount they were giving them.

4:15 Adam No, I mean, because they were on the birth control, it was like a car or a movie or something that was gonna get returned. Like they did the work, they wanted to use it. Like when I rent porn, I beat off twice as much because it costs money.

4:29 Drew Probably, probably actually is just too much testosterone around.

4:31 Adam So if I beat off once, the one time cost me six bucks. But I beat off like 70 times, it's like three cents a piece.

4:38 Drew That's nice.

4:38 Adam You see what I, you know what I'm saying?

4:40 Drew You're a genius at math. Oh yeah.

4:42 Adam Yeah.

4:42 Drew But Elliot, I bring that up because that seemed to motivate the guys to use it, although I got to admit, I would think I brought up, because I've been working with Trojan for a while, to try to get them to find ways to get guys to use condoms and practice safe sex. And it's almost impossible, A, to get guys to cooperate with that. B, get a guy into a doctor every three months. And we know what world is that going to happen. And that's the other part.

5:02 Adam And then C, guys are just going to be taking, you know, band-aids and cutting them into weird shapes and sticking them on their arms and eating a pez in front of a chick going, oh yeah, baby, you're safe with me.

5:14 Drew That concerns me too. However, you know, we could raise a new generation to be used to this kind of thing and to be more responsible. We've certainly put the burden squarely on women. And to the extent where it's kind of shocking, because I was reading the side effects and going, no, no, no, guys never do this. And I thought, think about what the women put up with these pills. They're gaining weight, they're moody, they're periods all over the place.

5:34 Adam Here's the ironic thing. The only guys you're going to get to take those pills are the gays who don't need them. Do you know what I'm saying?

5:41 Drew I think I do.

5:41 Adam Gay guy would be very sympathetic and do that. Straight guy don't want to do that.

5:45 Drew Responsible, you'd be responsible.

5:46 Adam It's sympathetically responsible.

5:47 Drew It's like with recycling.

5:49 Adam Right, gays recycle. Let's face it.

5:53 Drew Good times.

5:54 Adam Mm-hmm. You ready to keep rolling here?

5:56 Drew Yeah, uh-huh.

5:57 Adam One day I'll tell you the group that doesn't recycle the most. I can't say it. It's too racist. Starts with an M.

6:04 I'm on line.

6:06 Adam Yeah, with an N. You are. Can't do it. Can't do it. I work with them all day.

6:11 As an accent?

6:11 Adam I beg them to do it, yeah. That's all I'm gonna say. If I beg them, they can't do it.

6:17 Tyler?

6:18 Yep.

6:19 Adam You're 18?

6:20 Caller Yep.

6:21 Adam What's up?

6:22 Well, I'm getting a girl who I'm best friends with her brother.

6:27 Adam All right, I'm annoyed. The connection's bad. Tyler's bad. The phone's cutting out. Tyler, hang on until I get more patience. Bill?

6:37 Yeah.

6:37 Adam You're 17?

6:38 Caller Mm-hmm.

6:39 Adam What's up?

6:40 Caller Well, I'm kind of-

6:44 Adam This is my new policy. Jason?

6:47 Yeah, how's it going?

6:48 Adam Good, you're 21. What's your question?

6:50 My question is for Dr. Drew. I just want to say long-time listener, first-time caller. I'm kind of going bald on top of my head here and I want to know the actual long-term effects of rogaine, if there's any side effects that that might have on my actual hair if I stop using it.

7:05 Drew If you stop using it, the hair will probably fall out again.

7:08 Okay, that means if I start using it, I have to use it for the rest of my life?

7:13 Drew You have to keep using it. Yeah, Propecia is the only thing you can do.

7:15 Adam Well, wait a minute. But stopping using the rogaine doesn't make your hair fall out. It just goes back to where you were.

7:22 Drew Yeah, it's not as though it instantly falls out the day you stop using the rogaine.

7:25 Adam No, but I mean, it's not like the rogaine even had anything to do with it.

7:29 Right. Right. Okay, now, so you think Propecia is a better alternative now, or is there any herbal remedies that I could use?

7:37 Adam Sort of. They say to use the rogaine and the Propecia in concert with each other.

7:42 Drew You really wanna get some effect. Believe me, look, if there were easy, natural ways to do it, people would know about it, right? It would not be a secret. It would not be a secret.

7:51 Adam Yeah, Propecia and rogaine evidently is the thing to do. And they're probably, they're making pretty good strides in the transplant program.

8:01 Drew Yep.

8:01 Adam I think.

8:02 Drew Yep, they are.

8:02 Adam And it's one of those things where everyone pictures hair plugs as hair plugs. It's also one of those things where you don't know if a guy had a good job or not. And I would bet you that many celebrities who you don't know, I mean, listen, if you got a couple of bucks to spend on it and you can afford to take a month off and go to Arizona and convalesce over there and nobody knows, you're good.

8:25 I mean, it's not really relevant to see it right now, but I can tell that it's starting to become a problem. And I wanted to know if there was going to be any preventive measures I could actually do.

8:36 Drew Now's the time to use the Rogaine and use it regularly. And that's exactly the kind of bowling that it does a good job on.

8:41 Adam I wonder, what do you think's around the corner from a technological standpoint, Drew?

8:47 Drew Another, just a stronger version of the same thing, basically, with no side effects?

8:52 Adam I was thinking about a couple of things we seem to be ahead of, a couple of things we seem to be behind on, like getting rid of rats and roaches and bugs and stuff.

9:03 Drew Behind?

9:04 Adam Yeah, seems like, and hair stuff for men, you know, guys. I mean, I know it sounds cliche, but we have been on the moon for 30 something years now. The whole hair thing, just starting to get a handle on it. And there's stuff that just seems like taller orders that we're done with, you know?

9:23 Drew You know, think about this, though. Think how big a deal the hair loss thing was in the 70s when the hair was everything. Everyone shaves their head.

9:32 Adam Well, everyone shaves their head because no one's really figured a good thing out.

9:36 Drew But if you're losing your hair today, so what?

9:39 Adam Well, I know, but like I said, I think a lot of it was just based on people not being able to do anything about it. I'm just saying, here's the other thing I want. You know, the sonic things that are supposed to get rid of rats and roaches and bugs?

9:52 Drew Want them to work?

9:53 Adam I want them to work. Yeah. I mean, you see that the drawing on the box, like when you're in that, when you're on the plane and you're looking at the Sky Mall pamphlet and you're looking in there and the gopher is like holding his ears and running for your neighbor's yard, like sprinting. Crazy. Anderson, make the cartoon running sound, because that's that crazy can with the corn in it. That's the sound it's making when in the rat.

10:20 Drew The can with the corn in it?

10:21 Adam I don't know what it is. No, there's another one that has a cra- it's a crazier sound than that. It sounds like a drum with a corn in it. You got that Anderson?

10:31 Drew It's okay.

10:32 Adam No.

10:33 Drew The paddles.

10:33 Adam Okay, the paddles. The point is, we can't work that out. Do you know what I mean? That'd be awesome. You plug a few of those in the house. Spiders, roaches, ants, everything's just running the other way.

10:45 Drew I like when they just turn upside down.

10:47 Adam Yeah.

10:47 Drew That's the picture I like.

10:48 Adam And this big X is for eyes. I didn't know the X for eyes didn't work, but. All right. Let's keep on keeping on here, Drew. John?

10:58 Caller John, yeah.

11:02 Adam What's? We got a guy from Boston in the background?

11:08 Drew He doesn't care.

11:09 That's cool, though.

11:11 Adam Who's the guy in the background?

11:13 Oh, that's good.

11:18 Adam Hey, Matt, remember, no, we didn't talk to the screeners, but ironically, we're sort of looking out for it. We're talking to producer AM before we went on the air tonight. And I was saying, I don't care what kind of questions we get. I'm just tired of jackoffs calling this show. Listen, screeners, listen to me for a second. If there's 19 guys in the background and you got some jackoff screaming and it's noisy or the line is bad or the guy or there's a good five second count in between him answering the question you asked and the next the next word that comes out of his mouth. Don't take the call. I don't care what the question is. I don't care if he's pregnant and on fire and about to give birth to an ass baby. I don't want to talk to him.

11:58 Drew Ask him.

11:59 Adam I don't want to talk to anyone was a whole bunch of crap going on in the background where the guy's drunk, where the guy's cussing, where the guy can't form a sentence. I don't want any more of these. Drew, I'll be the caller.

12:08 Drew Yeah.

12:09 Adam Go ahead. You start.

12:11 Drew Adam, I can't tell all these. He's from North Carolina.

12:14 Hello?

12:15 Drew What's up, Adam? What's your question?

12:17 Adam Loveline?

12:18 Drew Yeah. Hey, what's your question?

12:20 Adam I got a question for Drew.

12:22 Drew Whatever. What's the question?

12:23 Adam Drew?

12:24 Mm-hmm.

12:27 Adam I'm 17.

12:28 Drew This is where I put you on hold.

12:30 Adam Yeah. Don't want that guy, screeners. They got to be fast. They got to put it together. We got to move here. I got a new policy.

12:38 Drew Move your ass.

12:38 Adam Shake your ass. Shake your ass. Torey?

12:43 Oh, hey. What's up, you guys? I'm a first-time caller. I just want to know why I'm a sex bean.

12:50 Adam Yeah, this is what I'm talking about.

12:52 No, like, I've had... 14.

12:54 Drew 14.

12:56 I'm really horny.

13:02 Drew 14.

13:02 Adam 150 times.

13:04 Well, 147.

13:06 Drew Oh, I beg your pardon.

13:07 Adam How many different guys?

13:08 Three.

13:09 Adam Three?

13:10 Drew How old were you when it all started?

13:11 11.

13:13 Drew How old was that guy?

13:14 He was only 13. Wow.

13:18 Adam And were you ever molested, raped, abused?

13:20 No, actually, I wasn't. I had a pretty good life.

13:24 Adam Pretty good. Where's your dad?

13:26 Actually, I'm living with him right now. In California.

13:32 Drew Why is she not in your life?

13:33 They got a divorce and they're like separated and stuff.

13:37 Drew How old were you when that happened?

13:38 About four.

13:40 Drew And why didn't you live with her?

13:54 I have a stepmom, but I have a stepmom. Well, she's still sort of my stepmom, just they haven't got a divorce yet.

14:04 Drew So he's leaving this woman too. How is she?

14:06 She's really good. She actually, I consider her my actual mom because she's raised me most of my life.

14:13 Drew Which is great. However, the bond you had with your first mother, the separation, that has a huge impact on you. Huge.

14:21 Adam Yeah, now normally young girls are sort of acting out, have issues with dad, but it's probably worse what went on with your mom. Truth be told. Mm-hmm. So, do you want to slow it down a little bit, Tori? Well, you could just keep your legs together and not do it so much.

14:44 Drew How about seeing a therapist or seeing somebody that's, it's obviously starting to bother you and eventually it will bother you a lot.

14:51 Yeah.

14:52 Drew You're looking for solutions, you're solving problems from your past by means that are ultimately not gonna work for very long.

15:00 Okay.

15:01 Drew And do you, any history of bipolar illness in the family? Matic depression?

15:06 No, well, my brother, yeah, he went through a depression time because like he was really connected to our mom and he was like nine years old when they separated. And so he got like anxiety, like, I don't know, yeah.

15:20 Drew What was up with her that she left? What was her problem?

15:22 They just always got sighs and drugs.

15:25 Drew Drugs, she was a drug addict.

15:26 Adam This, I'm not able to take care of you means I'm just more into drugs than I am into your kids. That's what that is. All right, so that's a horrible thing to happen. To a four-year-old with mommy.

15:39 Drew Do you do drugs?

15:40 Actually, I've only tried pot two times, but I never really got high.

15:47 Adam All right, so be careful. You have a boyfriend right now?

15:50 Yeah.

15:51 Drew How come you're having sex with two other guys?

15:54 Adam No, I did before. Well, that was before. How old is your boyfriend now?

15:58 14.

15:59 Adam That son of a bitch.

16:00 He's my age.

16:02 Adam You guys using protection?

16:03 Yeah.

16:04 Drew What are you using?

16:05 Condoms, and my friend went to play a part for me. She's 15 now, and she got me all this stuff.

16:15 Drew What? You're taking somebody else's birth control?

16:21 Well, like, because I can't go in without my parents knowing.

16:24 Drew Why?

16:25 I don't know, I just heard it.

16:27 Drew I believe you can at 14.

16:29 Adam Check it out, I don't think they're gonna call.

16:31 Drew I believe at 14 you can. But look, you're taking somebody else's medicine. What pill are you taking?

16:36 Um, oh crap, I haven't taken it for a while.

16:40 Drew You haven't seen it for a while, so you're not taking it? Oh, Tori.

16:46 Adam Tori.

16:47 Oh, yeah.

16:48 Adam A little therapy would be nice, but certainly just slowing down on the sex would be better. It sort of feels like you're trying to fill some sort of hole, pardon the graphic pun, that has no bottom on it. And just feels good, but it does feel good when the dirt is being shoveled in. It's just, you have to constantly shovel. Eventually, it back wears out, because you're on it. Jesus Christ. God knows what I would have done if I had that chance. Yeah.

17:23 Drew It would have been like, I see a picture of you in that reconstruction manual. Not because you were switching over, just to prepare what you did to it.

17:33 Adam Yeah, I mean, I was depressed and miserable and had a crappy childhood and a crappy family and all that stuff when I was young too. But if chicks started knocking on my door, like, you know, if I was 11, 12, 13 years old and it was like a knock on the door and some hot 15 year old chick who wanted to party, yeah. And then, you know, then her friend wanted to party too. And as I got older, 12, 13, 14, it's like, hey, more parties, more chicks, more attention.

18:01 Drew It'll be even more satisfying because the guy would make it, he would say anything you wanted and make you feel wanted and loved.

18:07 Best Of You think I'm beautiful?

18:09 Adam You like my Brillo head? Really? Wine coolers. Thank you. What do I owe you?

18:14 Drew You've paid such attention to me.

18:15 Adam Oh, on the house.

18:16 Drew No one's ever paid attention like this.

18:18 Adam You're gonna buy me a 40 ounce or a beer? That's great. All right. You got a moped? Oh, well, let's go.

18:24 Drew You'd be a celebrity.

18:25 Adam That's what that is. Now-

18:30 Drew Cervical celebrity.

18:31 Adam Now, that wasn't the case at all. Meanwhile, my wife was listening to the show last night for some inexplicable reason when Kimmel was on here talking about me cramping in the shower. Here's. How you can tell when I'm lying, when I give one of these answers. My heel.

19:21 Drew I thought you'd answer. My toes.

19:24 Adam Yeah. I just said it's the kind of lie that they do, you know, when they bust the guy at the transmission shop for, you know, once in a while, 2020, or Dateline sends some elderly couple in a motor home that's all rigged up with cameras into some podunk town to have their transmission fluid replaced. They get footage of the guy whacking it with a claw into the hammer. And then they then John Stossel goes in there two days later and goes, is it true you fixed this car? And that guy shows them their seat. Yeah, yeah, needed a new transmission. And he goes, I'd like to show you something. And they open that little clam shell monitor. And the guy watches video of him taking a hammer to the old guy's transmission. And then he looks up and he looks down and he just goes, I don't know about that. That just always means there's really no response. They never give in. They should give in. They never do. It's just I don't know about that. Sort of like the dog from she mentioned the Davey and Goliath.

20:24 Drew That's right.

20:25 Adam I don't know.

20:26 Drew Did she mention the Duke you left to welcome her home?

20:29 Adam She did. She brought that up to you. Next thing out of her mouth. That's why my Delaya flush is going to work great for the guys who like to talk. For the man on the go, on the pot, likes to talk on the phone and Duke at the same time. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

20:44 Caller This is your radio.

21:02 Adam 🎵🎵. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, Board Survives, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was watching one of my favorite shows is a show on HBO called Autopsy. It's like Autopsy 6, you know, which makes me mad when they give them the number designations, because I always seem to start at 6 or 14 or 27. I'm always like, I love this show. Where'd the other 15 go that I missed? And where were they? I watch HBO every other day. I never saw one. And they run things to death. But anyway, this time, then they do these sort of police forensic stories. But it's by real pathologist. And they, wait a minute, not pathologist. Yeah, it's pathologist, okay. So the point is, they did an actual autopsy this time.

21:50 Drew Or you don't normally see them.

21:51 Adam They normally don't physically do the autopsy. They just interview the guys and show the crime scenes and stuff like that. And it's pretty graphic, but this time they're cutting into the chest plate and they got that electric pizza cut around and stuff. And I just, I had to turn my head.

22:08 Drew Really? You're a pussy. I didn't know that.

22:09 Adam Huge puss. Oh, they got into the brain and stuff.

22:12 Drew Yeah, he's unsawed.

22:14 Adam No, no, not for me. You know why? You know, I work around too many power tools and it bothers me to see tool. When I see tools going into flesh, I just, I think of an accident on the job site. But as long as the guy's dead, wouldn't it be fun to see what a 16-penny nail would do?

22:31 Drew What is weird is when you're struggling with a patient, you know, you're struggling, struggling and then they're dead and then you go do the autopsy.

22:36 Adam Yeah, you've been hanging out with them for a month and now you get the pizza cutter out. They'll cut right into that chest plate. Can't we just run people through scanners or something? And here's the other thing too. We do a lot of exhuming of bodies, you know? They dig up bodies all the time. It's like her first husband, you know, once they found out she'd given the cyanide to her last husband, well, then they had to look into her other husband who died in 1974. The body was in relatively good shape. They always do that. They're always digging people up. Like, why don't we just put them in a Ziploc and put them somewhere with a tag on them or something? We keep digging them up.

23:14 Drew Why don't we like keep samples, like the Egyptians did, little jars, and leave the body behind?

23:19 Adam Yeah, I mean, that's just gotta be a huge pain in the ass, not only for, you know, the grieving family, but just, what about the poor schmuck who's getting eight bucks an hour? Bob, yeah, yeah, get the backhoe.

23:32 Best Of What do you mean?

23:33 Adam He's been in the ground for 22 years, have been manicurizing.

23:36 Best Of Yeah, we're bringing them up.

23:37 Adam Gonna need you to pop the lid on it. They always do that. They always pull them up and they're just fine. I mean, they're dead, but other than that, they're fine. They're like, yeah, the body was amazingly well preserved and we got tissue counts, it was high levels of, and they just do that every time. Oh yeah. Here's the other thing I watch on those shows too. They cut, they got these, they had this one guy was the angel of death. He was the, like the mercy killer, the hospital guy. Everyone who was in there got hooked up to life support. They killed them, you know? And they popped them for killing two or three people, but he could have gone as high as 50. And you know, he could have been one of the most prolific American serial killers, but I still bet the other serial killers who basically just, you know, kill 15 year old prostitutes, kind of scoff at him. Yeah, yeah. What'd you do? Tweak his breathing tube? Yeah, that took a lot of work. Sure. I got a van where I had to tint the windows and pick up prostitutes on the street, cops all over the place. What'd you do? Just pull someone's trache tube out? Give me a break. That's nothing. But I mean, it must not garner a whole lot of, a whole lot of respect in the serial killer community. But here's the thing.

24:49 Drew When they have the conventions.

24:51 Adam Yeah, and the, welcome serial killers. What do you do? What'd you do? The guy was 94 and I pulled a catheter out of his dork and I bled to death. Oh yeah, nice. My granddaughter could have done that. All right, so here's what. This guy's killing everybody and they always do this. The serial killers always do this. They go like, look, I don't want the death penalty. It's weird that they're so enamored with death. That's like their whole life is death. But then when it comes to them, they're pussies. They're like, I don't want to die. Really? Seems like almost something you'd be looking forward to.

25:26 Drew You gotta understand something. When people do that kind of thing, other people do not exist. They do not exist to them.

25:32 Adam Well, because they're dead. Yeah, I know what you're saying. Yeah, they can't. So these guys always do this thing where they go, look, I know there's, you got me for killing nine people, but I don't want to die. There's another 20 or 30 people I killed that I'll tell you about, you know, if you agree not to kill me. And they're always like, okay. And then they tell them about the other 40 people they snapped and they're like, all right, what do you like?

26:02 Best Of What do you want to get the chicken?

26:05 Adam Or are you allergic to anything, balsamic vinegar or anything? Cause yeah, you get some cable. What do you like? Like Showtime or Cinemax? That's it? Oh, now these confess that killing the other 40 people? Well, we can't go back on our words. I mean, police word could get out in the serial killing community that we were two-faced, four-tongued. I said, we just kill them anyway. Can we just do that? This other great one, this is an amazing case. This woman, she's young, she's like 20, marries this maniac in Canada. But the guy sort of looks like guy, he looks like the seventh member of Duran Duran. It's just like his white guy, he's like 23, he's got that sort of flock of seagulls kind of look to him. And this guy's a homicidal maniac. He kills her sister, rapes her sister, younger sister, sodomizes her right in front of her, makes her go down on her sister for birthday present. It's like insanity. She marries him two months later, it's a 15 year old sister's dead, starts killing a bunch of 15 year olds. Then, so at a certain point, the woman comes to the police after he gets caught and says, look, I'll tell you everything that this guy did. I just want, you know, you gotta cut me a deal. And they're like, okay, well, we'll cut you a break. Just tell us everything he did. And she tells him all these gruesome, horrible stories. It would kidnap 15 year old women and sort of keep them barely alive while he did horrible, unthinkable acts to them. She was right there the whole time, but she played that I was scared sort of thing. But by the way, I'm done with that. You know, the whole part where you're scared for your own life and he's raping the 15 year old in the bathroom, go ahead and step out the front door and start screaming bloody murder, would you? I'd like to hold you somewhat capable for this as well. But then they find a bunch of videotapes of this horrible things he's doing. And she's there laughing the whole time, but they're like, yeah, we already cut the deal with her. So she's cool. Really? What about the videotape we now found? I mean, we cut the deal before we found all the videotapes where you stood around handing the guy towels while he raped and killed people. Didn't it? We're not going to factor that in. Can we just go back on our word just a little bit? What's your word mean to a serial killer? Really? Is there some problem here?

28:22 Drew Oh, but you'll be as bad as a serial killer. You'll be just as bad as they will if you lie to them.

28:26 Adam Really?

28:27 Drew You would be, Adam.

28:27 Adam Is word going to get out in the serial killing community?

28:30 Drew What is the logic of that?

28:32 Adam I don't know. I would instruct all my people to cut everyone deals. Like, listen, we're setting you up on a, you go on an island in the Bahamas and I'm going to get you hookers and what do you like? You like pineapple? Pineapple? They're going to take those rings of pineapple, put them around your penis and give you oral sexual eat off them beautiful underage Polynesian women. Just tell us one murder. Just one, just one. Okay, kill him, kill him. That's what I do. And their thing would be like, see, the police are like, yeah, but if word gets out that this, word would never get out, he'd be dead. No one would know about my Polynesian vacation promise. Oh, we do this all the time. There's just all this, you don't know all the deals these guys cut with everybody. They get two guys, one guy kills half the people, the other guy kills the other, and they cut a deal with the guy. It will be easy on you. Just help us with your buddy. That's nice.

29:25 Drew That's nice.

29:26 Adam That's nice, that's nice. Jennifer?

29:29 Yes.

29:30 Adam You're 18?

29:31 Caller Yes.

29:32 Adam Oh yeah. So you invited your 22 year old coworker over one night.

29:36 Drew And?

29:38 Caller And he won't leave.

29:42 Drew He stayed in your house?

29:44 Yeah.

29:46 Adam Is he still there?

29:49 Drew Adam will get him to leave for you.

29:50 Adam How long has it been?

29:51 About three weeks.

29:53 Drew Oh my God.

29:53 Adam He's not left your house in three weeks?

29:57 Yeah, and I told him that he cannot stay there and that he has to leave and he just won't leave.

30:02 Drew Put him on the phone with us.

30:05 I left.

30:06 Drew Oh, you left.

30:07 Adam Oh, you're out.

30:08 Oh yeah. I'm going to stay at my parents' house.

30:11 Adam Does he like you?

30:12 I have no idea.

30:16 Adam You don't know whether he is interested in you?

30:18 I think that he does, but I don't know. I don't want him there.

30:22 Drew What was sort of the presumption of what he was coming over for that first night? Was it for dinner or something, or just hang out?

30:29 We went out and got drunk, and then came back. I told him he could stay the night, and I went to class the next morning, and came back, and he was still there, and he's been there ever since.

30:40 Adam Do you see him at work?

30:42 Yeah.

30:44 Adam Hold on, Drew, shut that stupid book.

30:45 Drew You have a call coming up about this.

30:47 Adam I don't want to look at that book. Drew got the crazy anatomy book where they lop off everyone's penis, and there's vaginal, but like, tongs in them and stuff. Come on, Drew.

30:57 All right.

30:59 Adam Oh wait, did she see him at work or not? You do?

31:03 Drew What kind of work do you do?

31:06 Adam Yeah, this is typical restaurant behavior. And what's he say to you? What's his story? If we talk to him, and don't tell us, I don't know, if I got him on the phone right now and said, look, what are you doing? That's not your house. She wants you out of your house. What would he say?

31:23 Drew That he lives there?

31:24 That he lives with me.

31:26 Drew Are you guys boyfriend girlfriend, as far as he's concerned?

31:29 No.

31:30 Adam Have you ever had sex with him?

31:31 Best Of No.

31:33 Adam Have you kissed him?

31:34 Best Of No.

31:36 Adam Did he agree to pay rent?

31:38 Best Of No.

31:39 Drew Is he psychotic?

31:41 Caller I think.

31:42 Adam Why don't you call the cops?

31:45 Caller Is that what I should do?

31:47 Best Of Yes.

31:47 Drew Absolutely.

31:48 Adam I hate calling the cops, but call the cops.

31:50 Drew Absolutely. We know all the Culver City guys. They'll tell us about it.

31:55 Adam Call the cops. Just tell them to get this guy out of there.

31:58 Drew You asked him to leave. He's squatting. It's your house. You pay the rent. Your name's on the lease. He's gone.

32:03 Adam Is your name on the lease?

32:04 Yeah.

32:05 Adam Is it an apartment?

32:07 Yeah.

32:08 Adam And you're just renting it yourself?

32:10 Yeah.

32:10 Adam No roommates or anything like that?

32:12 I have a dog.

32:14 Drew Don't you have any male friends or anything that can go get up and get out of there?

32:17 Adam What about just some of your buddies going there to kick his ass?

32:19 No, I just moved up there to go to college and I really don't know anyone.

32:25 Drew No one I work with.

32:26 Adam Well, what about them? What's their feeling on this guy? What about your manager at work?

32:34 Drew Well, you gotta tell them.

32:36 Adam You see your manager, right?

32:37 Drew I think one of Jennifer's a psychotic one.

32:39 Wait, has she asked him to leave?

32:42 Drew She says she has been explicitly telling him to leave.

32:44 Adam Wait, what's he do? He's a bartender or bus boy? He's a what? A server, okay. You guys have a manager, right?

32:53 Caller Yeah.

32:54 Drew And he's able to go to work during the day?

32:56 Caller Yeah.

32:57 Drew Call a locksmith and when he goes out to work, change the locks. Jennifer? He doesn't have a key. So how does he get in and out?

33:09 He's just there. He just won't leave. I don't know.

33:12 Drew You said he goes to work.

33:13 Yeah.

33:14 Caller When he goes to work, lock the door.

33:18 Drew Why is that so hard for you?

33:19 Because I'd have to see him at work.

33:24 Drew Then you tell your manager that you're being sexually harassed.

33:30 Adam One to see. You know everyone's shift, right?

33:33 Drew Yeah.

33:34 Adam Next time he has a shift, you go to work or you go home and you lock him out and you tell your manager that's where he are.

33:41 Drew You tell him ahead of time. You tell your manager exactly what you're going to do. You know, it takes two to tango. You know what I mean? Well, this guy knew he could take advantage. Jennifer, Jennifer cannot come to her own defense at all.

33:54 Adam God knows what he's doing to the dog sexually. You know what I mean, Drew? Yeah.

34:01 Drew I didn't hear her mention a dog.

34:02 Adam She has a dog. Jennifer?

34:04 Yeah.

34:04 Adam Do you have a dog? Is it at home with that sexual predator?

34:09 No, it's with me.

34:11 Best Of Okay, good.

34:14 Adam What kind of dog is this? Can't that dog attack him?

34:20 Drew Yes it can.

34:23 Adam It's all they do. Or are they just bitchy to their owners?

34:27 Drew No, to everybody. Except predators, interestingly.

34:30 Adam Yeah, you know what would be a nice pay-per-view for me? Just-

34:33 Drew Chihuahua chucking?

34:35 Adam Yeah, but I was thinking kicking. I was thinking taking-

34:39 Drew How about just punt, pass, and throw?

34:40 Adam Yeah, that's good. I was thinking, it's punt, pass, and kick. I would like to see some international soccer stars and some old-style NFL kickers, the ones that- Not the sidewinders, the straight-ahead kickers.

34:56 Drew With the big toe.

34:57 Adam Big steel toe in there. And just pow. Just Tom Dempsey style. Pow. Just Chihuahuas just being teed up, and we see who can make it. Even the worst, the best Chihuahua in the world still. I would laugh, laugh like a hyena, which is my next competition. They're gonna be harder to kick. Chihuahuas, don't eat them. Let's just kill them all. One bullet, get rid of all of them. They're that small. Drew, what do you want to know?

35:25 Drew Forgot. When did they get rid of the steel toe stuff?

35:28 Adam Soccer kick-style kickers started coming in about the early 80s.

35:33 Drew But doesn't it seem like bringing back the steel toe would be a way to extend things a bit?

35:37 Adam I think they made the kicking shoe illegal.

35:39 Drew Yeah.

35:39 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll talk more about NFL and more about penal codes and what we should do with serial killers all after this. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Karen?

36:35 Yeah?

36:36 Adam You're 17?

36:38 Caller Yes.

36:39 Adam What's up?

36:43 Caller I guess I'm like not normal down there.

36:44 Adam Mm-hmm.

36:46 Drew What's the problem?

36:48 Caller Well, I didn't like think anything, but like a boyfriend that I was with like two years had said something like, he said I was normal. I went to the doctor and she said like I had like enlarged inner lips or something.

37:00 Adam Mm-hmm.

37:01 Drew Well, Adam, here's a picture of that. It just so happens. And there's a surgery that they look at. Look how nice it looks afterwards.

37:07 Adam What's the first picture? What's the troubled picture?

37:10 Drew There and here.

37:12 Adam Oh, man. I didn't even know what that was. It's like a huge wad of chewing gum and pigeon crap and just balled it all together and mashed it onto someone's crotch.

37:22 Drew Here, look, this is after the operation. This is after the operation.

37:26 Adam Yeah, it's tough with the glare, but yeah.

37:30 Drew Anyway, there are aesthetic labia procedures that people will do that seem fairly successful. And if that's something you want to do, that's something you can consider later on. But how about just growing?

37:41 Adam Let me tell you something, ladies. Guys do a lot of work with beards. What I mean is, is you'll see that fat guy who grows a beard and then carves it in and essentially carves himself a jawline. You see the guy with the real weak chin, he grows a grotille, looks kind of good. How about you just train that hedge over that stump? You know what I'm saying?

38:05 Drew Yeah, about as explicitly as can be said.

38:07 Adam Well, I just mean you got old stump out in the yard, it's not good looking. Traccoon's been chewing on it.

38:14 Drew Train the ivy over it?

38:15 Adam Train that ivy right over it. How about that, Karen?

38:19 Caller All right, well, I'm just like, I don't know if another guy would like freak out or.

38:23 Drew No, I'm gonna be fine, listen.

38:24 Adam Well.

38:25 Drew No.

38:26 Adam Well, they're not huge fans of it, but the love is love.

38:29 Drew They're just happy if you're there.

38:31 Adam They do have surgeries though, as Drew pointed out.

38:33 Caller No, but I think they're real expensive.

38:35 Drew Probably.

38:36 Adam Well, by the way, there's no cheap surgery, right?

38:39 Drew No.

38:39 Adam What's the cheapest, Drew?

38:42 Drew I mean like a wart removal or something.

38:45 Adam Karen? How about getting a wart removed from down there?

38:50 Drew Okay.

38:50 Adam Evidently, that's pretty inexpensive. All right. So here's the thing. If a guy, this is how you know if a guy's in love. Yeah. And guys aren't that, they don't care what's going on down there.

39:01 Drew No.

39:02 Adam You're fine. But again, you could use a little of the hair, right? Could you?

39:07 Drew Karen, relax. You're fine. Relax. Yeah.

39:11 Adam You guys, guys don't mind a little hair down there.

39:15 Drew They're fine.

39:17 Adam I don't trust the guys that don't want any hair down there.

39:19 Drew No, it's a little weird.

39:20 Adam It is, right? Thank you.

39:24 Drew Vindicated, I'm sure.

39:25 Adam Look at these magazines where all the ladies have extra hair.

39:30 Extra hair.

39:31 Drew 1976 Playboy.

39:34 Adam Melissa?

39:36 Caller Yes.

39:37 Adam You're 20?

39:38 Caller Yeah.

39:39 Adam Drew, do we gotta take a break?

39:42 Caller Okay.

39:42 Drew In six minutes.

39:43 Adam Oh, really? Oh, we're on this side of that thing?

39:46 Drew What are you talking about?

39:47 Adam I forgot which break we're in.

39:48 Drew Yeah, yeah.

39:49 Adam I thought we were running late.

39:50 Drew No, no, no, we had the 40 minute break.

39:51 Adam Hey, what's up there, Melissa?

39:53 Drew You have never done that before. That's pretty good.

39:54 Adam I know. Wow.

39:56 Drew And you were hungover last week. Still affects you. One week, one week of cocktailing.

40:02 Adam What are you talking about?

40:03 Best Of I'm back.

40:05 Drew All right, Melissa, what's up?

40:08 Caller Well, I met my boyfriend when I was 14 and we had sex when I was 15. And I really don't think I've ever had an orgasm and I'm 20.

40:19 Adam You still with the same guy? Have you been faking? God bless you. God bless you.

40:28 Drew But the problem with faking is it doesn't urge the guy on to performing, you know, to try to find his way to the orgasm.

40:35 Adam Like if a teacher was faking the test scores and just putting an A at the top of every time a guy handed in a D paper.

40:42 Drew You just handed blank papers.

40:43 Adam You start, you just start scribbling some stuff, stick figures on it and they just put a big fat A and hand it back. Doesn't make you work. Yeah.

40:50 Caller Well, the thing is I didn't fake it for two years and then he started wondering if it was totally him. And I don't really think it's him.

40:59 Adam Did you start faking it that night? Did you start faking it that night?

41:05 Drew Yeah.

41:06 Adam Oh, that's nice.

41:08 Drew How was it with guys? Now I believe, believe that?

41:12 Adam Well, it's called serendipity, buddy.

41:14 Drew Oral sex, Melissa?

41:16 Caller Um, no, I'm kind of afraid of it. All right.

41:19 Drew Ooh, that's the missing ingredient.

41:21 Caller Kind of creeps me out.

41:22 Adam Well, me too, but I do it. God knows. But what, seriously, why, why is that creepy out? I mean, you've been with this guy for five years, six years.

41:32 Caller I, I tried it when I was 14. And then all of a sudden he said, Ooh, bad smell. And it kind of put me off.

41:39 Adam What I love about women, and let me tell you something about women. Women are so stupid, Drew. All you got to do is, it's almost like they're like dogs. You get to screw with them one time and that's it. It's like one guy gets there in 14, he's like, Ooh, that's funky. And that's it for the rest of your life? No oral sex? The thing that women crave most?

41:57 Drew Imagine, imagine, just twitch it around and make it a male now. Girl goes down there and says, Oh my God, what would the guy do?

42:04 Adam Now I have to get as much, now I have to quit my job and go on some sort of oral tour where I'm obsessed with receiving oral. Yeah, that's what guys do, they would get more oral.

42:13 Drew But they would certainly just say, Oh yeah, okay, so.

42:15 Adam Yeah, get down, get busy. Listen, what do you think? You got Rose Garden down there? Start sucking. That's what a guy does. Police. Oh, I love, I love the fact that it's so easy to just, it's like, well, I almost, almost drowned in a pool when I was nine, I can't, can't look at water anymore.

42:33 Drew Again, it speaks volumes about the motivational priorities of the brain, how different they are in the men than the women.

42:38 Caller I also had a seizure when I was 12 and I've never eaten tuna because that's what I ate before it.

42:43 Adam Okay, so your-

42:44 Drew Seizure is a little more of a powerful negative reinforcer, I'd say.

42:47 Adam If you hear what we would call simple.

42:49 Drew Yeah, you think you had seizure from tuna?

42:52 Caller Well, I know it's not from tuna, it just kind of put me off tuna.

42:56 Caller I never really liked tuna myself.

42:58 Drew So now the fish smells especially traumatizing to her.

43:01 Adam It's ironic that the tuna is the-

43:04 Caller It was just traumatizing because I woke up 40 minutes later in an ambulance with trouble over myself and not really seeing anything.

43:12 Adam Okay, but good times. Well, look, you're gonna need some oral, sweetie.

43:17 Caller Okay, the other question I had was-

43:19 Drew Yes, please.

43:20 Caller I've masturbated and I'm not sure I'm doing it the right way because I never really go inside. I rub the outer-

43:28 Adam That's what you want.

43:29 Drew Outside's where the action is. Outside is fine.

43:33 Adam You're doing it- Yeah, but you're not having an orgasm, right?

43:37 Caller Well, not during sex and it's just kind of-

43:39 Adam No, but what about during masturbation?

43:43 Caller Yeah, it's not excruciatingly big orgasm. Like, I've never really had that wow orgasm.

43:49 Adam Right, no, you're breaking my heart. You're having an orgasm, right?

43:53 Drew She may not be. She probably isn't.

43:56 Adam Well, this is 20.

43:58 Drew Yeah, I was like talking to a 15-year-old. That's all right, that's good.

44:01 Adam No, it's good, it's better, it's good. No, it's great. Melissa? Do you think you're having an orgasm when you masturbate?

44:16 Drew Are you on medication?

44:17 Caller Trileptal.

44:19 Drew It's possible that's affecting this. You're on that for your seizures?

44:23 Adam Oh yeah, yeah, she says, yes.

44:25 Drew Melissa?

44:27 Caller Yeah?

44:27 Drew Are you on the trileptal for seizures?

44:29 Caller Yes.

44:30 Drew That's kind of an unusual, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you have pseudo seizures?

44:37 Caller No, I have a partial complex.

44:40 Drew Partial complex seizures, all right. All right, well, good times. Trileptal doesn't usually cause problems.

44:45 Adam What's a pseudo seizure? That's like a fake orgasm, right?

44:49 Drew Kind of, kind of. It's more complicated than that. It's probably the way people that have been traumatized have panic attacks, frankly. That's my theory about it. It looks like a seizure, but there's no seizure activity in there.

44:58 Adam Let me say this very quickly before we go to break. All you simpletons out there who are just like, hey, I tried this once. I don't like it. Or I associate this with that or whatever. I made me vomit one time. First off, if I did that with booze, where would I be now?

45:11 Drew Wouldn't be as drunk as you are tonight.

45:13 Adam That's right. I got right back on that booze horse. Let me tell you something. I vomited all over myself when I was 15. I fell asleep in my own driveway.

45:21 Drew Yeah.

45:21 Adam Woke up my feet hanging out of a shrub.

45:23 Drew They're still pulling gravel out of your face.

45:24 Adam I had gravel in my face when I finally climbed into bed. The next morning. But did I quit boozing?

45:30 Drew Of course not.

45:31 Adam I didn't quit boozing. You people with your, with your tuna.

45:35 Best Of I ate some tuna.

45:38 Adam Please eat that tuna. Let him eat that tuna when it's all get along. We'll be back.

45:43 Here it is.

45:43 Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

45:46 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

45:48 Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

46:07 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800- Sound like Norm MacDonald there. 1-800-LOVE-191.

46:18 Drew Where's he been?

46:19 Adam Norm?

46:19 Drew Yeah.

46:20 Adam Norm goes away for about 18 months and then resurfaces in a sitcom that doesn't suit him very well, and then that lasts a few months, and then he goes away for another year and a half, and then comes back, does another sitcom.

46:32 Drew Interesting.

46:34 Adam I don't know why, I know Norm, I'm not best friends with him, I just hung out with him a little bit here and there. Oh yeah, Norm's an alcoholic, gambling addicted, horrible, horrible man.

46:47 Drew Oh my God, I did not experience him that way. He seemed okay one on one.

46:51 Adam He's talented, he's funny, he's a decent enough guy.

46:56 Drew And by the way, gambling and alcoholism does not make somebody horrible, horrible.

46:59 Adam No, but I just mean, he's not sitcom material. I'm not sitcom material.

47:06 Drew He's not John Ritter.

47:07 Adam Yeah, he's not. He's got more to say than that, and he should say it. I don't wanna do a sitcom for the same reason Norm shouldn't wanna do a sitcom, but he pops up in a sitcom once a year, and it doesn't last that long because it's not for him, even though he's real talented, he's a good guy.

47:24 Drew There's only so many options on television these days.

47:28 Yeah.

47:28 Adam Well, look it, Jim Belushi. Sitcom. That's sitcom.

47:32 Drew Yeah.

47:32 Adam Right?

47:34 All right. When I once saw Norm MacDonald do standup, there were disclaimers saying a lot of people don't find his humor funny and you might leave and we're not giving your money back, and about 20 people left.

47:45 Drew Wow, did he say insulting things?

47:47 No, just like his humor is really off beat and people think it's gonna be like Saturday Night Live humor and it's not.

47:52 Adam Yeah, but also sometimes he's like drunk and hungover and you know what I mean? Like you're not getting him, you're not getting his A game. But did you like it Anderson?

48:05 Oh, I loved it. The waitstaff was laughing. I was laughing, but a lot of people were not laughing.

48:09 Adam But you can agree with me when I say not really the best guy for a sitcom.

48:14 I have no idea how that happened. It's like George Carlin doing a sitcom, but that failed.

48:18 Adam Right, but that's the point. That's the point.

48:20 Drew Yeah, you should stay with Thomas the Tank Engine.

48:21 Adam That's right, where he's known and loved. That's how you got to start. All right.

48:26 Drew Random.

48:26 Adam Random, it's all luck.

48:27 Drew You went from Thomas to stand up. Just see how that works?

48:30 All luck.

48:30 Drew Or back and forth.

48:31 All luck.

48:32 Adam Don't bother trying, anyone. True man. Rated a Thomas the Tank Engine once. Dave, you're 20.

48:38 Caller Hey.

48:39 Adam What's up?

48:40 Caller I have a question about when me and my girlfriend, when we were like having sex, there's like a big difference between when I finish and when she does.

48:52 Drew And I mean, what does that mean exactly?

48:56 Adam What's, you mean in time?

48:58 Drew Or in what transpires in time?

49:00 Caller In time.

49:01 Drew I see, in time.

49:02 Adam So you finish when?

49:04 Caller She finishes first and then.

49:06 Drew How long into it does she finish?

49:08 Caller Like between five and 10 minutes.

49:10 Drew All right, and you?

49:12 Caller And me, it's like 20, 30.

49:15 Adam 20, 30. So she's got to kind of hang in there.

49:20 Drew Yeah, she get frustrated and sort of unhappy with your continued beating up.

49:26 Caller I don't know, it just feels weird because.

49:27 Drew Cause she's done.

49:29 Caller Yeah, she's done.

49:30 Drew She's really done, yeah.

49:31 Caller Yeah.

49:33 Adam And okay, do you think you could speed up a little bit?

49:37 Caller Yeah, I was wondering like, what would be.

49:40 Drew How often do you guys have sex?

49:43 Caller At least once a week.

49:44 Drew Once a week, yeah, can't really do much with that.

49:47 Adam How's your plumbing going?

49:49 Best Of I mean, are you.

49:51 Drew Cleaning it? Clearing the pipes?

49:52 Adam Yeah, you taking care of yourself?

49:54 Caller Yeah.

49:54 Drew How often?

49:55 Adam How often? Are you doing it now?

50:00 Caller No.

50:01 Best Of But you just finished, right?

50:03 Caller No, not by myself, it's always with her.

50:05 Adam Yeah, yeah, what I'm saying is, do you beat off?

50:09 Caller I used to.

50:11 Adam But you don't anymore, cause you got her.

50:12 Caller Yeah.

50:13 Adam But you only have her once a week.

50:15 Caller Maybe more, it all depends on how often we get to see each other.

50:20 Adam I see.

50:21 Drew Still not an answer.

50:22 Adam Still, you never beat off.

50:25 Caller Not much anymore. Like every now and then, if I haven't seen her for like a long time, maybe.

50:30 Drew What's a long time?

50:31 Caller Like a couple of weeks.

50:33 Drew And if you didn't beat off and you let the tough couple of weeks build up, would you come quicker?

50:38 Caller Yeah.

50:39 Adam I don't know, I know Drew, you always play this card, but look.

50:43 Drew Some guys, it works, sometimes it doesn't. He says, yeah.

50:45 Adam I think it works the opposite way.

50:47 Caller No, it can't.

50:48 Adam I think he needs to get into a rhythm and a paced up rhythm. It's like, here's what it's like.

50:53 Drew You know, I get it.

50:54 Adam That's like saying, look, if you only run once a month, you can run really far because you've saved up all that running, uh-uh, you don't run so good. You run better if you run every day.

51:08 Drew But if you'd like to take a giant whiz, you gotta save it up and it's easier to, you know what I'm saying?

51:13 Adam That's disgusting, you peeing on her?

51:15 Drew You know what I'm saying? There's a save up component to Orgasm in the Mail.

51:19 Adam There is, but not a 20.

51:21 Drew There can be, there can be, and it's not necessary. But I agree with you.

51:24 Adam Not really.

51:24 Drew He should try.

51:25 Adam He'd be better off just getting it going on a daily basis and working on his speed.

51:29 Drew I agree with you on that. I actually think he's probably masturbating more than he's telling us, but he's sort of ashamed to admit it.

51:35 Adam Dave?

51:35 Caller Yeah.

51:36 Adam Are you lying to us about the amount you beat off?

51:39 Caller No.

51:40 Adam Okay, well listen.

51:41 Drew Why do I beg?

51:41 Adam Do me a favor, do it every day. And then try an experiment. When are you gonna see her next?

51:49 Caller Probably Saturday.

51:50 Adam Saturday. That's what about three, four days, three days? I want you to do it tonight, tomorrow, Friday.

51:58 Drew And focus.

51:58 Adam And then focus on Saturday.

52:00 Drew But then each night he's got to focus too. We'll get that.

52:02 Adam Yes, see if we can speed it up.

52:03 Drew And if you can, if it takes things longer because of this, then you wait the couple of weeks and see if you can get a build up at it.

52:09 Adam Right.

52:09 Drew Because some guys trigger more easily if they've been deprived for a while.

52:15 Adam Right.

52:18 Drew Oh, wait a minute.

52:19 Adam Tom? You're 22? You can play the Taboo 2 theme song on your guitar?

52:26 Caller Yeah, I figured it out for you.

52:29 Adam It is a guitar driven song. Yeah.

52:32 Best Of It's acoustic.

52:33 Adam Yeah.

52:34 Best Of It is.

52:35 Adam It is now. Taboo 2, my favorite porn movie. The guy, for those of you who haven't talked about it while, the guy Junior is having sex with his mom and his sister and his girlfriend. And someone went and wrote a song about Junior. Well, it's in the song. It's in the movie Taboo 2.

52:58 Drew The song is all these women's perspective on this guy.

53:02 Adam He has it all.

53:02 Drew Right.

53:03 Adam Yeah, I mean, you know, a guy is raping his sister and his mom.

53:07 Drew The ballad of Taboo 2.

53:08 Adam Right, the ballad of Junior. Yeah, okay. So do you have an acoustic guitar there? Oh, it sounded like Taboo. It's had a Pavlovian reaction.

53:19 Best Of I had a little boner there.

53:21 Adam All right, so Anderson, why don't you play the Taboo 2? No, no, shut up. Shush, play it softly. Now let me just kick it in here, Tom. See what it sounds doing here. You can put the phone down. Play it again. What'd he say?

53:43 Drew All right, then just play it.

53:46 Adam All right, Anderson, you hold off on it, Tom. Just put the phone down by the guitar and start playing.

53:51 Caller You start playing, okay?

53:55 Drew Just don't start beating off, Adam, I'm too late.

53:58 Caller He has it all.

54:00 Best Of Yes, he does.

54:04 Adam He knows how to please in every detail. Beautiful.

55:02 Best Of Wow.

55:03 Adam You may hit one bad chord there, but other than that, that was solid.

55:06 Caller Yeah, I had to get up right in the middle because the box was on, was moving, so I had to adjust it.

55:10 Best Of Oh, okay, all right.

55:11 Adam That's all right.

55:12 Is Tom a virgin?

55:14 Adam Tom, are you a virgin?

55:15 Caller You know, last time I called, you asked me the same thing.

55:18 No, I'm not.

55:19 Best Of You're not?

55:19 I have a chord right now.

55:21 Adam Yeah, well, nobody who strums a guitar like that is going to stay a virgin for long.

55:25 Best Of I'll tell you that.

55:26 Caller That's how I lost it.

55:27 Adam Right now. Now, how did you learn the theme to Taboo 2?

55:31 Caller Well, I've been listening to you guys forever, and I downloaded the MP3 of you singing it, and I just figured it out a couple of minutes ago because I was bored. I've been wanting to do it forever, but I live in Maryland, so it's hard to catch you guys.

55:42 Adam The next one you've got to learn is...

55:44 Drew Why is it hard to catch us in Maryland?

55:46 Caller Yeah, it's late.

55:47 Adam Well, wait a minute. What time are we on in Maryland?

55:49 Drew I thought, oh, he can't get to us because we're on later than we air.

55:52 Caller Right, exactly.

55:53 Adam I see. He can't get to us.

55:54 Best Of Right.

55:56 Adam The next one you've got to learn is Gotta Get It On, which is in the same thing.

56:00 Best Of It's gotta get it on, gotta get it on.

56:03 Adam It's a little more up-tempo.

56:05 Caller Is it in Taboo 2?

56:07 Adam Yeah, it is in Taboo 2.

56:09 Drew He doesn't have Taboo 2.

56:10 Adam Well, I'm saying... Well, hold on a second. Tom. Yeah? Go out and get that Taboo 2. You could do worse.

56:19 Drew Your mom will be very impressed when she finds it and comes back.

56:21 Adam Get that and then call back when you've learned the guitar riff to gotta get it on, gotta get it on. A little bit of a cop out when you're writing a porn song. What's this one gonna be called? This one's gonna be called Gotta Get It On. How's it go? Let me get it.

56:39 Best Of Gotta get it on, gotta get it on. Gotta get it on, gotta get it on. Gotta get it... Yeah, so this one's gotta get it on.

56:49 Drew I get it, Bob, good job.

56:51 Adam Nice work.

56:53 Best Of How many weeks you got in on Gotta Get It On?

56:55 Adam Just about two and a half. Alright, let's hop back to the phones and speak to... Dylan? Oh, who's that? Yeah, Dylan, what's up?

57:10 Caller My mom and dad have been bickering back and forth for like the past couple of weeks, and my dad has told me that my mom really wants to get a divorce, and I don't really want them to, but then they'd be fighting every day, and I've got a little brother that's six and a little sister that's ten. I was wondering if it'd be better if they'd just stay together and fight or like actually...

57:34 Drew It's better if they get some help and work things out. Even if they're sort of quasi-unhappy, it's better than breaking everything apart. There's been some studies recently that show that people that come from divorced families, it has an effect to well into your 30s.

57:48 Adam What are you talking about, Drew?

57:49 Best Of Look at me.

57:50 Drew Case in point.

57:51 Best Of Got to get it on, got to get it on, got to get it on, got to get it on.

57:58 Adam And then a great sound.

58:01 Best Of Feels so good.

58:03 Adam I'm going to bring that in, Drew. That is solid.

58:06 Drew I can't wait. Strangely, I like it better than the other one.

58:09 Adam The guys from System of a Down know got to get it on.

58:11 Drew Of course. Well, John is like, John knows. He can write the script out of the Taboo 2 just from memory.

58:17 Adam Hey, Dylan?

58:18 Caller Uh-huh?

58:19 Adam Your parents planning on getting any counseling?

58:23 Caller I don't think so.

58:25 Adam Well, here's the thing, Dylan. You can't be responsible for them. Whatever they do is what they do.

58:30 Drew You can't, but I certainly would go to them and say, hey, you know, this is affecting us. Why don't you guys, you know, do something that might help this, might heal it, whether it's you go to your clergy or go to a therapist, whatever it is, get some assistance with this because the breaking apart, each of them are going to find somebody else that's a pain in the neck, too. And it's not going to be a good thing. It's going to be bad for the younger siblings. Come on. They're not beating each other.

58:56 Adam Chris?

58:57 Hey, what's going on, guys?

58:58 Adam Hey, you're 21. What's up?

59:00 Caller Oh, dude, I love you guys. I've listened forever and I've never gotten through to you before.

59:04 Drew Here we are.

59:05 Caller Yeah, seriously.

59:06 Caller Basically, I just have a question for Dr. Drew. Yeah? Hey, I want to know the scientific or medical explanation or justification for farting, basically.

59:15 Drew Justification? Why did God, we're asking God, why did you create such a thing? To thank him for it, as Adam would?

59:21 Caller I don't want to thank him. I mean, it's a pretty hideous thing.

59:24 Caller I just, I mean, I really want to...

59:25 Drew Careful, careful. Adam's getting very offended, Chris, be careful.

59:28 Caller I mean, because I am a...

59:29 Adam I don't want you to attack my hobbies, my livelihood. My love, yes.

59:35 Caller I mean, I just, my farts are bad. I kind of want to know medically what they are.

59:41 Adam How's it worked?

59:42 Drew Well, there's two ways you get the gas. One is swallowing air. And some people that's more of an issue than others. But that is sort of where some of the volume comes from. The smell comes from bacteria in your bowel, which some people have more of. Yeah, split certain things you eat into methane gas, basically. And that can have fair volume, but that also is the big thing.

1:00:04 Adam I tell you, I have not had a good, bad gas day in a year. Just not had a good day. And Drew, you know when I've had some good outings.

1:00:13 Drew Oh, you've not had one in this studio, interestingly.

1:00:17 Adam I haven't had one in the old studio for six months before we left. Maybe a year.

1:00:21 Drew Yeah, you had one.

1:00:22 Adam No, I mean, Drew, it's been a couple of years. I mean, I've had some pretty big days over there.

1:00:27 Drew Strange what I'm just talking about.

1:00:29 Adam You got a gas? Drew's got a fart. Drew, don't fart because Drew's farts smell. My farts don't smell.

1:00:37 Drew Yours can be awful. I mean, just awful.

1:00:40 Adam I know, but here's the thing.

1:00:41 Drew You're so proud of that, too.

1:00:47 Adam But let me explain. Baseball analogy. I am like, if I was a baseball player, I would strike out or ground out just about every time.

1:00:58 Drew Except.

1:00:59 Adam Yes, have trouble getting the ball out of the infield.

1:01:02 Drew Almost all the time.

1:01:03 Adam Almost every time I get out. And then I would jack one for 550 feet.

1:01:07 Drew You get up to the plate and point to the outfield. Point to the deep center.

1:01:11 Adam Right.

1:01:11 Drew And man deliver.

1:01:13 Adam Drew's been in a couple of those games.

1:01:15 Drew He comes in and just says, just points to the outfield, just points and just just out of the park.

1:01:20 Adam All right. But I've not had one of those days in a long time. And here's my question, Drew.

1:01:25 Drew Yes.

1:01:25 Adam Everybody's always OK. Everybody always says, and I've had this argument with Jimmy many, many times because he's passionate when it comes to this. He's always like, oh, it's what you eat. If I eat clams, I'll do it. If I eat this, right. OK. But how come I eat whatever all the time and then one time I'll get gas and I'm always eating the same thing every day?

1:01:45 Drew Because probably some spice or legume or something gets in there. Probably. Yeah, come on. You go out to eat all the time. It might have been the day before.

1:01:52 Adam My diet is like a handful of things. It's just a handful of things.

1:01:57 Drew Some people just eat a lot. Some people just stimulate so we eat a lot.

1:01:59 Adam But that night I had oral gas. I didn't eat a lot and do anything any differently. And then there's guys who have it all the time and it's bad.

1:02:06 Drew No matter what.

1:02:07 Adam No matter what.

1:02:08 Drew Yeah, those tend to.

1:02:09 Adam Well, the heavier guys, yeah. Guys in south, guys blessed, but some guys are just bad. Here's what I'm saying. Everything that comes out of them is bad. Ninety five percent of what comes out of me makes it makes a good novelty noise, but it's not bad. I didn't blow gas all night. Nothing. It is. It breaks my heart. I blame my parents. But again, I'm just saying it is your diet, but it's also what's in your gut. Right?

1:02:36 Drew Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The bacteria that happened to be there that day. But it's what the bacteria are getting that.

1:02:41 Adam I'm telling you, Drew, I eat everything and anything and all random orders and all quantities and all different times and nothing. And then once in a while, pow. And I would know. I'd say, oh, because I would do that every time.

1:02:55 Drew You point out of the park and, man, you hit it.

1:02:57 Adam No, what I'm saying is, is if that night I was blowing horrendous gas and I said, I won out and I ate Vietnamese tonight and I never eat Vietnamese and this is what's doing it.

1:03:07 Drew You eat it every night.

1:03:08 Adam But that night I had some asparagus and a piece of chicken, the same thing I have every night. That's what I'm saying. I remember. All right. Who are we talking to? Max? Sure. Oh, Max been at home for a while. Max?

1:03:21 Caller Hello?

1:03:22 Adam You're 18?

1:03:23 Caller Yeah.

1:03:23 Adam What's up?

1:03:24 Caller I had a question for Dr. Drew.

1:03:26 Drew Oh, Jennifer's not even longer. What's up, Max?

1:03:28 Caller It's about an eye twitch. I've had it since I was a kid, but it'd kind of be there for a few months and go away. And then about two years ago, it came back really, really bad.

1:03:39 Drew So it's something that somebody can see if they're looking at you?

1:03:44 Caller Yeah, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't even know I was doing it. It was really kind of violent, I guess you could say. Yeah, really intense.

1:03:51 Caller And it's settled down a little bit since then, but it's still...

1:03:54 Drew Is it both eyes? Is it both eyes?

1:03:57 Caller Yeah, both eyes. I mean, really, from both eyes up to the forehead.

1:04:01 Drew Do they call that blepharospasm? You ever heard that word?

1:04:04 Caller I had it checked out by, like, just like my normal doctor. Well, he actually just noticed that...

1:04:10 Adam Maybe he's gay. Isn't that how they communicate?

1:04:13 Drew I've seen a patient with this, and I would see a neurologist about it, because there may be some anti-epileptic-type medication that can help with this, and or other medications, too. If it were one eye, sometimes they even do a surgery for this.

1:04:25 Adam Oh, really? To make the other one twitch?

1:04:28 Drew Yes, of course.

1:04:28 Adam So they can have some symmetry?

1:04:30 Drew Sure. But this is, blepharospasm is usually what this is called. You should see somebody about it. It can be treated, all right?

1:04:36 Best Of Gotta get it on, gotta get it on. Gotta get it on, gotta get it on.

1:04:44 Adam Then the sax comes in. And it shifts gears.

1:04:47 Best Of Feels so good.

1:04:49 Oh, there's other words.

1:04:54 Caller Chris, you can say anything.

1:04:56 Drew You got it?

1:05:00 Adam Jennifer?

1:05:01 Best Of You're 23? Yes, I am.

1:05:04 Drew Chris, be yourself. See, this is being yourself.

1:05:07 I have a comment for you, Adam, and then a serious question for Dr. Drew. My comment to you, Adam, is that you are the man. I have got so much respect for you because you speak your mind and are not afraid to say whatever it is you're thinking. And I eat so much SH for that back here, and so I have mad respect for you on that.

1:05:23 Drew Did you hear his explanation about violent crimes and rape?

1:05:29 You know, I have to agree with him. You know, I think it's stupid how they have it figured out like that, you know?

1:05:34 Drew Yeah.

1:05:35 Adam Well, it's just like I said, it's like when you say rape victim and they say rape survivor. Anybody who uses a survivor thing where it's abuse or rape or whatever it is, incest, eating disorder, I just automatically hate that person. I don't want to lessen what happened to the person. It's just better to be... Yes, first off, every victim who wasn't killed by their salient is a survivor. Anyone who's been through anything who's alive is a survivor. Right. Better to call yourself a victim. It means someone did something to you.

1:06:13 By the way, just because you...

1:06:15 Drew Well, just because somebody was a victim doesn't mean they're forever a victim, which is what the implication is, what sort of really reinforces what the person is feeling and protecting them from dealing with that.

1:06:26 Adam Right. Yes, look, again, you can be sitting at a stoplight and some drunk driver can broadside you. T-bones, you're a victim. It doesn't make you any worse a driver, any weaker a person. It just means... Victim just basically means somebody did something to you that you had nothing to do with.

1:06:44 Drew And if you still continue to feel like a victim, you better deal with that.

1:06:47 Adam Thank you, Drew. What's up, Jennifer?

1:06:51 It's about a kind of vulgar subject, but I've always had a very irregular menstrual cycle. What I noticed was it hasn't really bothered me. I've been to a gynecologist three times. Specifically regarding, and I'm not a lesbian, specifically regarding the situation because I'm getting to the point where, you know, if I get into a serious relationship, I want to have children.

1:07:17 Drew You're a lesbian.

1:07:17 And they have said there is nothing physically wrong with my reproductive system. I just don't bleed normally. But what my question is, is that I've noticed that when I have sexual intercourse, when I have sex, every time...

1:07:32 Drew You're a lesbian.

1:07:33 And it's been irregular. It's not like I'm having regular sex. But if I, like say, I usually have a period maybe three times a year if nothing happens. But if I have sex within a week to a week and a half, I will have one regular menstrual cycle and then it'll go with nothing again until I have sex and it'll come. So basically every time I have sex, I'll get my period. But if I don't...

1:07:53 Drew It is very common for sex to stimulate bleeding. And because you don't bleed regularly, your endometrium is sort of built up and unstable. So every time you'll stimulate bleeding.

1:08:03 Adam It's like a snow drift. You got to shoot it with howitzers or cannon and knock it down so it's not an avalanche. Campers don't get caught under it.

1:08:10 Drew It has no specific implications about your fertility. However, you do, when the time comes to have a child, you are going to want to document that you are ovulating and be sure that you don't have polycystic ovaries. But beyond that, there's nothing special about this.

1:08:24 Adam You're a big gal?

1:08:25 Really?

1:08:26 Adam You're a big gal?

1:08:27 Well, you know, I haven't always been. I'm a little larger now.

1:08:30 Drew You're fat.

1:08:31 True place. But I haven't always been, and I've always had this problem, even when I was of regular height and weight.

1:08:37 Drew Do they do an ultrasound of your ovaries?

1:08:39 They did both an external and an internal ultrasound.

1:08:43 Drew And did you have cysts?

1:08:44 Huh?

1:08:45 Drew Did you have cysts?

1:08:46 No, they haven't noticed anything irregular. They said I'm completely healthy except for the fact that I don't bleed.

1:08:53 Adam What size are you coming in at?

1:08:55 You're going to melt breast or waist?

1:08:58 Adam Give me a whole package. Height?

1:09:02 And I weigh 255 and I wear a 42 double-D.

1:09:06 Drew You're fat.

1:09:07 Best Of Yeah.

1:09:07 Adam True, please. True, please.

1:09:09 Best Of Hold on. Let me do a little...

1:09:10 Drew 255?

1:09:11 Adam 255. And are you going to get on a, do a little exercise, get on a diet?

1:09:18 Hey, you know, it's tough. I work overnight. Right now, I'm at work right now talking to you guys.

1:09:21 Adam All right.

1:09:22 Well, Jennifer...

1:09:22 Adam Oh, I see you have a job.

1:09:24 Yeah.

1:09:24 Adam Well, then you have to be morbidly obese. Anyone who holds down a job must... I know it's tough. You work.

1:09:31 No, it's something I'm lazy to. You know, it happens.

1:09:33 Adam All right, listen. What the hell? She's fat, she's lazy, she's happy. I say, God bless her. She finds herself a nice, skinny, black guy. And they'll be happy forever.

1:09:44 Drew The weight does affect ovulation and endometrial stability. For sure, it can make you not ovulate being overweight like that. So you might want to look into that.

1:09:51 Adam 5'8, 255 is... That's stout, by the way.

1:09:55 Drew Yeah, if you've not been over 100, under 170, 180, all that can definitely affect your period.

1:10:01 Adam You know, it always kills me is when they sit there, they're 255, they set that target weight for 190. You know, and it's like, hey, they're... Now we got to see them in the ski pants. And it's like... Now, look, this is a relative thing. You've lost 65 pounds. God bless you. But to me, your 190-pound chick is 5'8. Got to get them ski pants off and put the gauchos on. Yes, Drew? Gaucho, yes? Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:10:44 Caller America's most trusted condom for over 80 years. Here buddy, it's Loveline, man.

1:10:50 Adam That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Amanda? You're 18? What's up?

1:11:00 Caller Basically, I cannot get a guy.

1:11:03 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:11:06 Caller And like, I don't know, I call the dateline, but you need like a credit card, and there's always a little sex thing attached to it, too, for whatever reason.

1:11:14 Caller Wait, wait.

1:11:14 Drew You're 18 years old. Right? You live by the beach. And did you go to high school there?

1:11:21 Caller Well, I went to high school there for a year, and then I went to Wyoming and I came back. I called a while back because of the the throw up on the dick thing.

1:11:32 Drew What? Threw up?

1:11:33 Caller I called like, I don't know, like a year ago. I was the one that threw up when giving a head or something.

1:11:39 Drew Or something? In Wyoming?

1:11:43 Caller I was the blind chick they called, like.

1:11:45 Drew Blind?

1:11:46 Caller Yeah.

1:11:48 Drew And now you're in California and you're having trouble getting dates.

1:11:52 Caller I've had trouble getting guys my whole life. But, I don't know. And I, everyone told me to go out and do things. I have no way of doing things. I can't get a ride anywhere. And, like, I don't know.

1:12:02 Drew Wait. They call you to do things, but they're not willing to pick you up?

1:12:05 Caller People tell me that I need to get out and do things. And I can't.

1:12:08 Adam So, are you totally blind? So, what do you see?

1:12:12 Caller I see lights and crap. I see, like, shadows and things that they get close enough to me. And, like.

1:12:17 Adam Oh, you do?

1:12:18 Caller Yeah.

1:12:18 Adam Do you sleep with your eyes closed?

1:12:21 Caller Actually, my eyes go kind of all around my head, and I can't control them unless I actually close them really, really tight. That's what I was told, anyway.

1:12:32 Adam Give one of those eyeshades, because it freaks people out when they see that.

1:12:39 Caller I don't think it's quite that, too. I don't know. I think I'm just cursed.

1:12:43 Adam No, I just meant for when you're sleeping. I don't mean for during the day.

1:12:47 Drew You're cursed. What do you mean you're cursed?

1:12:53 Adam Well, look, here's the thing. You're 18. It's feast or famine when you're 18. There's about 20% of people that just have more relationships than they know what to do with and a line forming at the rear. And then there's others. Everybody else. It's just everybody else. Just awkward and can't get off the ground. And then you meet somebody and then you get some confidence and the next thing you know, you're in great shape. And then they break your goddamn heart, Drew. They tear it out.

1:13:20 Drew It's not even the confidence. You learn what you want, what you're looking for, what fits, what works.

1:13:28 Adam What do you want? Now, does a guy have to be attractive? I know you don't care what he looks like, but like look at it this way. And you're not a guy, but a guy goes out with an attractive woman 80% of the time so he can show her around to everybody else. Oh, your boobs are attractive? Well, you can figure that out, right?

1:13:55 Caller Well, yeah, but I don't go around touching people comparing their boobs to mine.

1:13:59 Drew I mean... Yeah, but the guys do it and they tell you that.

1:14:02 Caller Yeah, but other girls tell me that, but sometimes, I don't know, I can't figure it out.

1:14:07 Adam All right, well, let's figure this out. Now, do you read Braille?

1:14:11 Caller Yeah, and I listen to books on tape because actually going through a Braille book takes way long because it takes longer to read Braille.

1:14:17 Adam I listen to books on tape, too, because I can't read.

1:14:22 Drew Same thing as Amanda.

1:14:22 Adam Are you able to work?

1:14:25 Caller I'm able to work. The system, though, will not... Like, the system... I'm actually going to have to change the system because I'm probably going to end up living in California because I'm waiting for a letter from the Housing Authority in Wyoming and I'm on SSI. My DVR counselor, who's supposed to pay for whatever equipment, you know, computer reading equipment, whatever, if I get a job, she meets me twice. One meeting, she leaves, like, way, way, way early. She leaves 10 minutes. She thinks I can't do anything. Like, she means basic. She wants me to go to a learning center, which is where mentally retarded people go to learn things like, you know, cooking in the microwave, doing laundry, things I already know how to do.

1:15:01 Drew Amanda, why don't you start taking some direction? There are people who are professionals who have given you some advice, and you know better.

1:15:07 Caller Well, she keeps calling me to call her in six months, call her in six months, call her in six months, and that's all she tells me to do.

1:15:12 Adam No, wait, where do you live now? You live with somebody?

1:15:15 Caller I'm with my parents right now, waiting for a letter from the housing authority from Wyoming. I'm in California right now.

1:15:22 Adam Alright, okay.

1:15:23 Caller And I'm probably going to end up living in California because I won't get the letters from the housing authority.

1:15:27 Adam Okay, so here's the thing. A, I agree with Drew, you need to take whatever opportunities present themselves. And I know some people seem like they have a bad attitude, and they do because these people are underpaid and they're overworked and they don't really care.

1:15:41 They don't care.

1:15:43 Adam Okay, they don't give a, they don't give a ass. I don't agree.

1:15:45 Drew They don't care as much as you would like them to, but they know.

1:15:48 Adam But let me explain something to everybody. Money motivates people. And all you people that are out there doing jobs where nobody pays, like your school teacher, you're helping the handicapped, you're picking up garbage, whatever it is, you don't find a bunch. A, there's not a bunch of money. And B, there's not a bunch of people appreciating what you do. There's no incentive. Once in a while, some angel comes in and is willing to do this kind of stuff. But these are good people. Don't get me wrong. But they're not, you know, the guys call, the people that call you all the time are people that are trying to sell you something. The people who don't want your money, they call every six months. Maybe. You know what I mean? You just, unfortunately, you can't expect the same performance out of them as you can out of guys trying to sell you a car. That's all.

1:16:32 Drew Yeah. The motivation may not be as intense. But on the other hand, this is a professional. She knows what Amanda needs. Amanda doesn't know what Amanda needs. Take some direction.

1:16:41 Adam Oh, Amanda.

1:16:42 Drew It's not working.

1:16:43 Adam Amanda needs Amanda. But and what about some sort of group, some sort of blind singles something? They gotta have.

1:16:53 Caller They gotta have groups.

1:16:55 Adam So you want to sign a guy? Yeah, you need a siding. You need a nice, you know, you need you need a husky guy with bad skin.

1:17:02 Drew How did you lose your sight? How did you lose your sight?

1:17:07 Caller I have optic nerve hyperplasia, which is where your optic nerve.

1:17:10 Adam It's never that lab fire that I always hope for. You know, it's always something kind of I was just born that way. I see you never you never did have sight. OK, so you don't even know what good looking is? You're fine then. But again, don't you want someone who's nice looking so your friends go, oh, he's cute. Well, screw them. Let me say this real quick. I know it all sounds horrible for Amanda, but I would argue that there's a lot of people that are willing to be friends with blind people, with handicapped people of all kinds and who would be willing to date them and whatever. Hey, there's a whole segment of the population that actually is looking for that and sense that a guy who's have them are women. OK. But there are. OK. That's true. But a guy who's having a little trouble in the chick department, who's had a long dry spell is not going out with the head head cheerleader, could find would I go out of the blind chick? Oh, I would set a big can. But I'd be like, I'd be lying constantly. She'd be climbing into my Shavette and be telling her it's a Cadillac Ferrari, a Ferrari. I'd have to put in a cassette that had a Ferrari sound on it. Melissa. You're 19?

1:18:38 Caller Yeah.

1:18:39 Adam What's up?

1:18:40 Caller I was wondering if, like, prolonged drug use and eating disorders can lead to, like, diabetes.

1:18:50 Drew Why? What's happening?

1:18:51 Caller Well, I've been, like, having to pee all the time, like, really tired, feeling, yeah, like, fatigued, like, maybe a little blood sugar.

1:19:03 Drew Are you overweight?

1:19:04 Caller No.

1:19:06 Drew Are you way, way underweight?

1:19:07 Caller No, I'm, like, average.

1:19:09 Drew But you're bulimic?

1:19:11 Caller Not anymore, but I was for six years.

1:19:13 Drew And when did that stop?

1:19:15 Caller Like, five months ago.

1:19:17 Drew And what drug were you using?

1:19:19 Caller Oh, like, everything.

1:19:20 Adam Well, good times. Hey, Drew, what about being bulimic when you're, you know, 13 to 19? I mean, those adolescent years. Could that screw you up forever?

1:19:33 Caller Yeah.

1:19:34 Drew Change your growth and things, yeah? Go to development.

1:19:37 Adam How are you doing? Are you OK? I mean, besides that?

1:19:40 Caller You mean, like, physically? Um, I mean, I feel a little, like, run down, but I'm OK. Like, I'm not, like, particularly unhealthy.

1:19:50 Drew It's not the typical situation you end up with diabetes. So you ought to get, you ought to get checked. It's a very simple thing, very simple blood test.

1:19:56 Caller Like, I've been to a lot of doctors lately for all sorts of things, and all the doctors are horrible. Like, I can't get one doctor I can just talk to straight and say, like, I know that these things are wrong with me and like, what does that mean? Like, I've just, I can't find a doctor who like is, like, knows anything.

1:20:12 Adam Drew, what's wrong with your profession? What's going on? Insurance companies? Lawyers?

1:20:17 Caller Well, I'm on HMO. I'm sure that has something to do with it.

1:20:20 Adam They don't have any time for you? They don't want to talk? You got like three seconds per patient.

1:20:25 Drew That's right.

1:20:25 Adam You get a minute now. Drew says now, because the HMO is, he can't, he's not permitted to speak to his patients. He has to nod. He gets two nods. He can either do it. Or yes.

1:20:36 Drew He can do a hand sign to assistance.

1:20:39 Adam He's like a third base coach. He goes to his belt. That means high blood pressure. You do the arm thing. It's anemia.

1:20:45 Drew You got the bill in my cap.

1:20:46 Adam Well, that's the indicator. That lets them know that a sign is coming. So you go to the cap. That means sign on. Then to the belt. It's high blood pressure.

1:20:55 Drew Arm diabetes.

1:20:55 Adam Diabetes to the arm, but you can wipe off the diabetes by going across the chest.

1:20:59 Drew But do it above the upper gastrointestinal tract.

1:21:02 Adam Coronary. That's our ulcer.

1:21:04 Best Of Pointing pointing. Yeah.

1:21:07 Adam All right. And then then now hand. What about hands on the hips?

1:21:10 Drew Hepatitis.

1:21:11 Adam Hepatitis.

1:21:13 Drew Ulcer of colitis. Let's see.

1:21:15 Adam Ulcer of colitis is hands on the hips. All right. So if I go to the bill, that's the indicator, right?

1:21:20 Drew Yeah.

1:21:20 Adam Then hands to the hips.

1:21:21 Drew Ulcer of colitis. You see.

1:21:22 Adam Again, go to the bill. It's the indicator. Swipe on the arm.

1:21:25 Drew Diabetes.

1:21:26 Adam Diabetes. Again to the bill. Go the belt buckle now.

1:21:29 Drew Hypertension.

1:21:30 Adam Let's say I swipe to the other arm.

1:21:33 Drew Ulcer.

1:21:33 Adam I didn't give the indicator.

1:21:35 Drew Oh.

1:21:36 Best Of I'm just saying.

1:21:38 Adam If you don't see the indicator, if you don't see the indicator, then we might have to sign on.

1:21:42 Drew No move. No move.

1:21:44 Adam Hey, Melissa.

1:21:45 Best Of Uh-huh.

1:21:47 Adam I'm glad we could help.

1:21:48 Drew But wait, wait, wait.

1:21:49 Adam No.

1:21:49 Drew But Melissa, so you don't have diabetes, right? You've been to multiple doctors and you haven't been tested?

1:21:57 Caller No.

1:21:58 Drew That's the simplest test in the world.

1:22:00 Caller No. I've gone for different things. I just haven't thought to ask of that yet. But I'm just saying like most of the doctors that I've talked to, like, can't give me any students or about anything.

1:22:09 Adam Why do you think you have diabetes and why?

1:22:11 Caller It just came up because I've had all these like weird symptoms, but it hasn't...

1:22:14 Drew The fatigue and the frequent urination is part of that.

1:22:17 Caller Yeah.

1:22:18 Adam I got it too.

1:22:19 Drew But you have prostate problems. But Melissa, have you had blood tested in any of these doctors?

1:22:24 Caller Yeah, I have.

1:22:25 Drew Okay. I guarantee you they check. Did they take a red top tube?

1:22:29 Caller I think it was blue.

1:22:31 Drew Blue or purple? It was red. They took blood sugar. I guarantee you.

1:22:38 Adam Red top tube. That's a scratch.

1:22:40 Drew Scratch the nose.

1:22:41 Adam Scratch your nose.

1:22:42 Drew Bill, scratch the nose.

1:22:43 Adam Go to Bill, then scratch your nose.

1:22:45 Drew Bill, ear, purple.

1:22:46 Adam Ear's purple top tube. All right. So swipe on the arm.

1:22:51 Drew Both needs leukemia.

1:22:54 Adam That's great. It would be nice if you could just signal in, especially if you have bad news. You got to talk to some family and tell them their daughter has leukemia. It's like, what's he doing? He's gone to the bill. Now it's both hands to the knees. Oh, it's rough. And you could even have one for like apologizing or something. It'd be nice, Drew. You never have to talk to any more of your patients. All right.

1:23:17 Best Of You take that. I'll take this.

1:23:19 Adam Hey, Devin.

1:23:21 Caller What's up, brother?

1:23:23 Adam You're 21.

1:23:23 Best Of What's going on?

1:23:24 Caller I just wanted to let you guys know I've been listening for about eight years. I got about 600 love lines archived in my collection.

1:23:31 Best Of Oh, do you?

1:23:32 Caller Yes. I'm truly a collector. I truly, I mean, I listen to a lot of talk radio. I'm obsessed with it. And there's not a better combination of personalities and entertainment than you guys. I mean.

1:23:42 Adam Well, thank you, Devin.

1:23:43 Caller I'll take you guys if anything. Where are you calling from? I'm in New York now and I'm dying because New York misses you. You're not on here anymore.

1:23:52 Adam Oh, we're not?

1:23:53 Caller No. I called you guys in the night you guys were off. It was about five months ago.

1:23:58 Adam I sort of remember that. We should be on in New York.

1:24:01 Drew Yeah, I'm sure we will.

1:24:02 Caller Yeah, you should. I got to call my friends in Seattle and have them send me tapes. It's pretty cool.

1:24:07 Adam That is wonderful of you.

1:24:09 Drew Just call Westwood One and get them to sell it in New York.

1:24:12 Caller Yeah, it's crazy. And Drew, I loved your book. I mean, the story of Amber. I mean, that was just, I mean, that was as good as, you know, Fitzgerald, anything like that, you know?

1:24:19 Drew Oh, my, Devon, I love you.

1:24:20 Adam Ella Fitzgerald wrote? It's amazing.

1:24:23 Caller Scott.

1:24:24 Adam Wow, Devon, you really know your material.

1:24:27 Caller I truly appreciate what you guys do. I mean, I'm truly, it's kind of embarrassing when I have to record your show all the time, you know, when I'm going out with friends and stuff. But I just really love what you guys do.

1:24:36 Drew What are you doing in New York?

1:24:38 Caller I'm a music student. I study jazz.

1:24:41 Drew Wow. I want to be Devon.

1:24:44 Adam Get to sit and listen to Loveline and play a flugelhorn.

1:24:47 Drew What's your instrument?

1:24:47 Caller I study guitar. That's awesome. You know, not...

1:24:52 Adam I love that jazz guitar. That's real guitar. Nothing better.

1:24:57 Best Of That big hollowed out one.

1:24:58 Adam It's electric, but it's sort of acoustic, somewhat smooth. You know, it's the guitar of 60s porn. Yeah.

1:25:05 Best Of You watch porn...

1:25:06 Drew Is that a mark of distinction? Are you glad to know that?

1:25:08 Adam There's porn from the 60s, a lot of that swinging, cool cat guitar in there. All right, Devin, geez, thanks. What can we say? Do you have a question?

1:25:17 Caller Yeah, I actually do. I mean, I kind of made it entertaining for the screeners, but basically my question is that I'm... Because Brian, he always wants to cut people off for whatever reason.

1:25:27 Drew Devin's got a relationship with Brian.

1:25:30 Caller Only like once I recognized his voice, but no big deal. But anyway, basically I get... When I have sex with my girlfriend, I'm unsatisfied.

1:25:38 Adam Sweet chance guy says it.

1:25:41 Caller The foreskin comes back and it gets very dry and it's kind of painful.

1:25:45 Drew During sex or subsequently?

1:25:47 Caller I mean, beyond the fact. You know, the next morning I wake up and I got it. You know, I got to walk around for the next day and it hurts like a bitch, you know.

1:25:54 Adam Yeah, because here's the deal. The head of your penis is not used to having any friction, really.

1:26:01 Drew But it's not the head, it's the foreskin.

1:26:04 Caller Exactly, it's the foreskin coming back. It's well beyond where it should be and I can't get it back.

1:26:08 Drew It's getting pulled. Is it narrowing where it's tough to get it back or tough to get it back over the head of the penis?

1:26:13 Caller It seems like it folds over.

1:26:15 Caller You know what I mean?

1:26:16 Caller I got to kind of stretch it outwards.

1:26:19 Adam I'll tell you one good way to stretch it. My dad used to do this. He played the horn. He would use a trumpet mute. You know what the mute is, Drew? Yeah, but that's the plunger bottom. The mute actually sticks into the thing and gives it that real high-pitched 40s gumshoe kind of thing. Yeah, you use the end of that. It's just about right, that cone-shaped thing.

1:26:41 Drew On the penis.

1:26:42 Adam You stretch the foreskin over the mute. Do you have access to any mutes?

1:26:49 Caller Not that I could put on my foreskin.

1:26:51 Drew Was there a trombone mute, too?

1:26:53 Adam Yeah, I think there was. Whenever I think of that high, that real high-pitched sound of the trumpet or the trombone, it means it had a mute in there. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. God bless you, Devon, for taping the show. And we'll be right back after this. I get nostalgic about songs I remember from junior high, and then I tell Brian to go get them from the music room, and then we play them. Then Anderson Winses, because he's cool, he sits home and listens to the White Stripes over and over and over again.

1:27:46 I'm so over the White Stripes, get over that please.

1:27:48 Adam Yeah, it's cool. It's so cool. Yeah, I'm into Radiohead and the White Stripes.

1:27:54 I hate Radiohead.

1:27:55 Best Of I'm into early REM early REM. Yeah.

1:28:00 Drew Yeah.

1:28:01 Adam I like whatever other people who don't drive, because it makes me cool when I say a band that you don't know about. Not that, not all the way.

1:28:12 Drew Skinny puppy.

1:28:13 Adam Skinny puppy. All right, come on, put them Beach Boys on. I was at a nice talk with Drew tonight about the Beach Boys. And I don't know why, but Drew didn't have any idea about the Beach Boys and their connection to Charles Manson and all that good stuff.

1:28:27 Best Of Yeah.

1:28:28 You know, you can take these CDs home with you too.

1:28:30 Adam No, I wouldn't do that. Besides, the Westwood one, I'd be afraid they'd burst into flames while I was driving home. Because everything they have here is ass.

1:28:40 Best Of Yeah.

1:28:41 Adam It's a nice song, Drew. Remember this one?

1:28:46 Best Of Huh?

1:28:46 Adam Yeah. Is it coming to you yet? Remember this? I had the sound when I was like eight years old.

1:28:52 Best Of Oh, yeah. It's a love song.

1:28:54 Adam You don't hear this one on the radio too much. It's all that...

1:28:58 Best Of Yeah.

1:28:59 Adam It's all that surfing USA and all that crap. Let's leave it going there. It's nice. Sad song. Chris?

1:29:09 Caller Hey, how you doing?

1:29:10 Adam You're 19. What's up?

1:29:12 Caller Well, what I was wondering was is... I was wondering if a girl can have an orgasm from strictly just anal stimulation alone.

1:29:20 Drew The occasional woman can. And that woman, almost without exception, is one that can have multiple orgasms.

1:29:27 Caller Okay, because basically I was just going over this with my girlfriend and she's like, well, there's nothing in it for me. So I was going to argue this point.

1:29:35 Drew No, no. When they say there's nothing in it for them, that means they ain't the one that can do that.

1:29:41 Caller Oh, okay.

1:29:41 Drew Guaranteed.

1:29:42 Adam Beef Boys always singing about their cars. That's why I like.

1:29:47 Caller They probably just leave that one alone then?

1:29:50 Drew If she isn't that interested, don't push it.

1:29:52 Caller Well, you got any extra pointers? Like, how do you get this out of your girlfriend? Because I mean, it would be nice, you know what I'm saying?

1:29:58 Drew If you do it, she will eventually cave in and then resent you forever.

1:30:03 Adam Yeah.

1:30:04 Drew And make you pay in a million ways.

1:30:06 Adam Yeah.

1:30:06 Caller Is there any physical harm you can do to someone?

1:30:09 Drew Yes. Oh, yes.

1:30:10 Caller Yeah, I would never want to do that then.

1:30:11 Adam All right, there you go.

1:30:23 Drew What's the instrument there?

1:30:24 Adam It's a weird... it's a guitar, but I think it's one of those more sort of surf guitars, you know? But you never hear it plucked that way. You're used to hearing it in the riffs. See, it's something about cars again. Chris? What's up? You're 15.

1:30:54 Caller Yeah. I was wondering about vaginitis. I think I've got it, and I don't know what to do.

1:31:00 Drew Well, how about seeing a doctor?

1:31:02 Caller Well, yeah. I went to Plan Parenthood a few, like two weeks ago, and they gave me a diethylican for a yeast section.

1:31:08 Drew Right. So that means you have a yeast vaginitis.

1:31:10 Caller Well, it didn't go away.

1:31:11 Drew Well, are you sexually active?

1:31:13 Caller Not anymore.

1:31:14 Drew But you had been.

1:31:16 Caller Yeah.

1:31:16 Drew So this could be a sexually transmitted disease.

1:31:18 Caller But I got checked for all that.

1:31:20 Drew At Plan Parenthood? Well, you got to go back, and maybe it wasn't just a yeast vaginitis, maybe you had some other bacterial overgrowth. There's another cream, Metrogel cream, they can give you that will take care of it.

1:31:30 Adam Hold on, Anderson. But, uh, Kieup, wouldn't it be nice? No, they're Beach Boys, uh, classic. I don't know what that number that is, number 14 or something like that. Well, it didn't go away.

1:31:42 Best Of Mm-hmm.

1:31:44 Adam Oh, wait a minute. Were we done with Sarah?

1:31:46 Best Of Yeah, yeah.

1:31:47 Drew I know you weren't listening, but yeah.

1:31:48 Adam You know what she said?

1:31:49 What Beach Boys song do you want to hear?

1:31:50 Adam Wouldn't It Be Nice?

1:31:51 Best Of Yeah, that's a good one.

1:31:53 Drew We'll just go out with that.

1:31:54 Best Of Yeah.

1:31:55 Adam You remember that song, Drew? You know the song?

1:31:59 Caller Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

1:32:00 Adam Yeah, nice. Guys in love. Jennifer?

1:32:06 Drew She's in that permanent picture on this show.

1:32:09 Adam It's a song about being older and being able to pound your girlfriend without your folks screwing with you. True, this is your theme song in high school. They can spend the night together. Yeah, hold on. We're just going to listen to more Beach Boys and go out. Producer Ann Caldwell told us not to play this.

1:32:36 Drew She did?

1:32:37 Adam Yeah.

1:32:37 Drew Oh, it's very funny.

1:32:39 She told me not to play it.

1:32:42 Adam Yep. All right. So we're going to take a little break. We're going to come back, maybe a little blood, sweat, and tears.

1:32:48 Drew We got to get to that.

1:32:49 Adam Drew also wants to hear some Joe Cocker, and I'm a big Joe Cocker fan.

1:32:54 Drew Oh, you just don't know what you're listening to. You know, you know. Let me put it right.

1:32:57 Adam You're straightening it. All right. We'll be back. Well, that's it. The best of Loveline. Which, after all, is better than Loveline because it's the best. I want to thank everyone who made the show possible and say until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:33:50 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. Yeah.

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Thursday, November 27, 2003