Episode 1000579217425

0:52 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

0:54 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:05 Adam Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Tenacious D will be our guest tonight. That, of course, is Jack Black and Kyle Gass. And I think Kyle's coming with Jack. They're on Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight. So they're going to be hustling over here, theoretically, after the gig. So they'll probably be here about 10.30. Yes, Drew?

1:37 Drew Yeah, it should be about right.

1:38 Adam All right.

1:39 Anything? Everything good?

1:40 Drew No, how about you?

1:41 Yep, it's all good.

1:42 Drew Oh, what was I thinking? I was thinking about something with you and the weather today. And you're Belinda. You're Belinda is where the Nixon Library is.

1:49 Adam We're going to Yorba Linda, everybody going.

1:51 Drew But the Presidential Library is there. I think about that.

1:54 Adam I get out to Yorba Linda about every other Saturday anyway. You know, we have to do these calendar signings once a year for the mother station out here, K-Rock. It's exciting. I mean, well, it's all right. It's fine. I wish it was on a weekday somehow, but it's always on a Saturday. Always kills a Saturday. All right, that's fine. But it's always a million miles away from where everyone lives. And that's that's the dagger. Actually, killing the Saturdays, the dagger, the twisting, the slow twisting of the dagger is the hour and a half commute each direction.

2:29 Drew The rain. What? And always rain during this thing.

2:31 Adam Always rains because God God is punishing those who plan these things, weigh the F out of town. And everyone's answer is always this when I complain and each year I complain about it. Why are we going to the other side of the county to sign calendars? And the answer is, that's where the fans are. And my answer is, don't those fans have any goddamn cars? And wait a minute, we're supposed to drive to them. They got to drive to us. They should be coming to my house.

2:58 Drew That's the name of the fan, yes.

3:00 Adam Yeah, that's what makes them fans. We're not fans of theirs, are we? All right. Well, anyway, point is, I don't even know where your Belinda is. And I was trying to tell somebody tonight where I'm going Saturday and I realize it, it escaped my mind, even though I've said your Belinda several thousand times, because I don't even, I don't think I've said you. I've lived here my whole life. I don't even know where your Belinda is.

3:22 Drew And then you spoke today at the USC School of Business.

3:25 Adam Oh, yeah.

3:25 Drew How was that?

3:26 Adam That was nice.

3:27 Drew Yeah?

3:27 Adam Yeah. Gave the kids a little pep talk.

3:29 Drew Yeah.

3:30 Adam Told them what was what.

3:31 Drew And?

3:31 Adam It was a good time.

3:32 Drew What was the bottom line?

3:34 Adam I don't know. I just sat there and talked for about an hour, took a couple of questions and then we ate. It was easy.

3:41 Drew It's good.

3:42 Adam Yeah. I mean, it wasn't I didn't think much about it. It seemed fine.

3:47 Drew Good times.

3:47 Adam Yeah. Ashley? You're 17?

3:51 Caller Yeah.

3:52 Adam What's up?

3:54 Caller Well, Adam, I just want to thank you for the advice you gave me. About five years ago, I called in and I found porn in my brother's room. And this is the night you came back from the Grammys with the Dixie chicks. So you're pretty drunk. Yeah, and you yelled at me and said, who cares? So I decided, like, you were right. So I just sold the porn to the kids at my school. Smart.

4:18 Adam Shrewd.

4:18 Caller But anyway, yeah, about...

4:22 Adam Wait a minute. You sold your brother's porn?

4:26 Drew He wasn't pissed?

4:28 Caller Huh?

4:29 Drew He wasn't angry?

4:31 Caller Well, there was nothing he could do about it.

4:34 Adam Well, how much older is your older brother?

4:37 Caller About three years. Mm-hmm.

4:43 Adam And you went into his room and stole his porn?

4:46 Caller Yeah.

4:47 Adam See, if I had porn growing up, which I didn't have access to, but they barely invented porn when I was a kid, but if I had porn, I would store it in my sister's room.

4:58 Drew Ooh, diabolical.

4:59 Adam You know what I mean? Like, you know, you keep the heroin in the crib.

5:02 Drew Right.

5:03 Adam It's the same sort of thing.

5:04 Drew Got it, yeah.

5:05 Adam That's why I want to have a kid. I want to be able to stash, you know, hard drugs in the crib and pornography and things like that. The cops don't look there. All right, so you sold it at school, and now why did you call?

5:23 Caller I'm about 5'3, and 93 pounds, and ever since then, well, I didn't hurt afterwards, but an hour later, I felt like I was going to throw up, and I felt very sick, and my stomach was cramping up, and it's a week later, and I'm still feeling that way from time to time, like, if I do the bathroom. No.

5:53 Drew That'd be an important thing to do if you're sexually active, right?

5:57 Caller Right? Well, I'm not that active. It was just kind of a...

6:00 Drew Sexually active means having sex. Let's just put it that way.

6:04 Adam Well, who'd you have sex with?

6:08 Caller One of my friend's friends.

6:10 Adam Uh-huh. But you're not boyfriend and girlfriend? Do you like the guy? You don't want to go out with him?

6:21 Caller Uh, I don't think he's boyfriend material.

6:25 Adam Because he's not interested in you or because he's a troublemaker? I don't want to get into this.

6:34 Drew Go get a pelvic exam. Yeah, but you also said you said something about changing your urinary patterns and a urinary tract infection could present with abdominal pain or back pain, too. And that can get pretty serious. It's very common after sex and it can get up into your kidneys and cause more problems. Real serious problems, actually, if you don't get it treated. So let's get on it.

6:52 All right.

6:52 Adam It's time to play Florida or Germany. Yeah, actually Germany or Florida. Keep screwing that up.

6:57 All right.

6:58 Adam Here we go. You guys know this game is played, right?

7:01 Drew Go.

7:02 Adam What? Is this where I tell you?

7:03 Drew What? You guys? Are you talking to me?

7:10 Adam You tell us the story. We tell you whether it came from Germany or Florida. Go ahead, Scott.

7:15 Hey, Adam. Man, I love you.

7:16 You're great.

7:17 Adam Go ahead.

7:18 All right.

7:19 This law requires a divorced couple to equalize pensions.

7:23 All right.

7:24 So then they go to court and they do their little thing. And the ex-husband has to pay part of his pension to the wife.

7:31 Adam Then someone dies.

7:33 Drew Yeah, she dies and has to keep paying it.

7:36 All right.

7:38 So he has to keep continuing his payments.

7:41 Caller But even if she dies.

7:44 Adam I know.

7:44 Drew Scott had that one yesterday.

7:46 Adam Scott's what you call squirrely. All right. That was a replay of last night's Germany or Florida, which was Germany. That was anticlimactic.

7:56 Drew Painful.

7:56 Not good.

7:57 Adam Cody?

7:58 Yeah.

7:58 Adam You're 19?

7:59 Caller Yeah.

8:00 Adam What's up?

8:02 Caller Not so much. How's it going?

8:04 Drew Good.

8:04 Adam What's your question?

8:06 Caller I was wondering if you could like spread herpes to other body parts. Why just contact with semen?

8:13 Drew No.

8:14 Caller No.

8:14 Adam Why not, Drew?

8:15 Drew Because herpes isn't spread by semen.

8:17 Adam Yeah, but still. You see how that works?

8:20 Caller It's good.

8:20 Adam It's good. Makes me right. What about rubbing herpes and rubbing it on your thigh?

8:26 Drew You could transmit that way. Or you could get on your hands and transmit to other areas. People don't know for sure why this is the case, but it's difficult to transmit around, to auto-inoculate, to move around your own body.

8:37 Adam Self-inoculate?

8:39 Caller Alright.

8:40 Adam Hey, Cody?

8:41 Caller Yeah.

8:41 Adam What are you doing? You whacking off on yourself? What are you doing? You trying to put your initials on your belly with herpes?

8:52 Caller Yeah.

8:54 Drew That's good.

8:55 Caller I was in the shower, you know, and I got some on me, and I was just wondering.

9:01 Adam Do you have herpes?

9:03 Caller I don't know, like, I had this weird thing there, but it went away, and there's never been anything there again.

9:12 Drew Not even junior college, huh?

9:14 Adam No. Not even junior college material, Cody.

9:17 Caller I am in junior college, and I got a 4.0. Really? Yeah.

9:21 Adam That's out of 10, though, right?

9:23 Drew No, it's out of 4.

9:25 Adam You got a 4.0 in junior college? No one gets a 4.0 in junior college.

9:30 Drew It's ceramics majors, too, don't they?

9:32 Adam All right. If you're such a good student, why are you in junior college?

9:37 Caller I slacked off too much in high school. I just, I, like, slept through high school and never did any homework or anything.

9:43 Adam All right, buddy. Well, you transfer. All right, buddy. You know, it's weird. You know, I understand, like, if somebody says, what is the capital of Sweden? I understand that, but when you say something like, so then you go ahead and transfer. One, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Do you need the long three count in between the yeah?

10:14 Drew Here's the deal, Cody. You can't transmit it with semen. You can't auto-inoculate herpes. If you got concerns, you have something, get it evaluated.

10:22 Adam Let's talk to Michelle. Michelle?

10:26 Yeah.

10:26 Adam You're 17. What's up?

10:30 Caller Well, let me get straight to the point. When I was a child, I was molested. And now it's really hard for me to keep a relationship. That's how that works. I'm sorry?

10:43 Drew That's how that works.

10:44 Caller Yeah.

10:45 Adam Who molested you? Sister.

10:52 Caller Wow.

10:53 Drew What happened to her?

10:54 Caller I have no idea.

10:56 Drew How's she doing now?

10:58 Caller Oh, she's just a bum. Not very good.

11:03 Adam Is she an older sister?

11:05 Caller Yeah, she's older.

11:06 Adam How much older?

11:07 Caller She's seven years older.

11:09 Adam Seven years older. How long did this go on for?

11:13 Caller For about six months.

11:17 Caller How old were you?

11:19 Caller I was five.

11:20 Drew Who do you think molested her?

11:21 Caller I don't know. I have no idea. That never even crossed my mind.

11:25 Adam It's weird. Did you ever get any help for this or talk to any counselors or anything?

11:32 Caller Just recently I told my mom.

11:35 Drew Good. Is she going to send you to somebody for help?

11:41 Caller Yeah. That's what she's trying to do now.

11:44 Adam Where's your dad? I don't trust him.

11:46 Caller Oh, no. My dad's around.

11:48 Adam Is he a good guy?

11:49 Caller Yeah, definitely.

11:51 Drew How many brothers and sisters do you have?

11:52 Caller I have an older sister and a younger brother.

11:55 Drew And no one knows what happened to your sister? No.

12:00 Caller Recently I found out that my dad is not her biological dad.

12:06 Drew Maybe her biological dad did something weird when she was little.

12:08 Caller He was never around. He and my mom split up maybe a year after she was born.

12:17 Adam But you're doing all right now?

12:20 Drew You stay with the therapy. You'll find a way out of this, all right?

12:24 Adam Are you under an older guide, says here?

12:27 Caller How old? He's 22. I just started kind of seeing him. I just, maybe a couple months ago, got out of a relationship that wasn't going too well.

12:41 Adam What's this 22-year-old guy do?

12:45 Caller What does he do? He's a coworker, actually.

12:49 Drew He's a coworker of yours?

12:50 Caller Yes.

12:51 Drew Restaurant business?

12:54 Adam It's a business. You work in a business.

12:56 Drew I'm shocked. How could that be? How does that work?

13:00 Adam I don't know. I think it has something to do with commerce. Is he a supervisor or something?

13:09 Drew Not exactly.

13:10 Adam Well, listen. Here's the deal. Don't get pregnant.

13:15 Drew Stay with the therapy.

13:16 Adam Are you using any birth control? Just get very focused on the birth control.

13:24 Drew In the meantime, get the morning out, go around in case there's a dysfunction in the condom.

13:32 Adam Good. And stick with the therapy.

13:34 Drew What are you guys using the condoms for then?

13:36 Caller Oh, in my previous relationship.

13:39 Adam You still got some left over. So you try to time the relationship for them. The amount of relationships and the amount of condoms you buy for the distance the relationship is going to make it.

13:52 Drew Right.

13:52 Adam So meaning if you're boffing like ten times a month and you buy fifty, you'd like to go about five more months. You don't want to get caught in between. You don't want someone to break up with you when you still got a full case of condoms. You know what I mean? Is it hot in here, Drew? Is that what that is? Good. Alright, we have another Germany or Florida. Let's really focus this time. Chad?

14:15 Caller A man has lost his driver's license after he was caught drinking and driving on a lawnmower. He parked his lawnmower in a pedestrian area after he went for a drink. After several glasses of wine, he agreed to move the mower after the passengers complained that it was in the way. Reports said that the police stopped him and found that he was well above the permitted alcohol level for drivers. Even though the mower did not go any faster than like five miles an hour, his license was revoked for three months and he had to pay like a $300 fine.

14:52 Adam Okay, this sounds like the work of a Floridian, but he stopped and drank wine.

14:59 Drew But beer would be German.

15:01 Adam But a Florida guy wouldn't drink wine.

15:04 Drew Oh, you're right. He'd just go to a bar. He'd just get tanked at a bar.

15:08 Adam Plus, they would get you for a DUI out here in the States and would be more than $300 and whatever he got. I think.

15:17 Drew If they were going to go after him at all.

15:19 Adam Yeah. It's the riding mower seems very Florida.

15:23 Drew You would think it would be more of a citation about handling heavy machinery or something. Not about driving.

15:29 Adam I'm going Germany. What are you going with?

15:30 Drew I'm going with you always.

15:32 Adam Yeah, it's Germany. Yeah. Yeah, Chad. Well, we're on a roll, Drew.

15:45 Drew Are you on a roll? If for the moment you start playing a game, you're never.

15:50 Adam Well, that's true. Dave, you're 24.

15:54 Caller Yeah.

15:55 Adam You're.

15:56 Drew I've got it.

16:00 Caller I've got a question for you, Adam. I want to hear you rant on something about your Belinda because I know you love it so much.

16:07 Adam I don't know anything about your Belinda because I've never heard of your Belinda because I've never been to your Belinda because it's so goddamn far from where I live.

16:15 Drew Where the Nixon Library is.

16:18 Adam What are we going to do, go out there and check out a book?

16:21 Caller I'm not even from your Belinda. I'm from Northern California. But anyway, here's my question.

16:24 Adam It's closer. You're closer to your Belinda than I am.

16:32 Caller If your Belinda's got so many of your fans, how come none of them have called you to support or like to back up how great of a place your Belinda is?

16:40 Drew What's he saying is if we need to go to a place where there are fans and your Belinda is that place, why aren't they deluging us with calls defending their exactly that town?

16:50 Adam Dave has made one of the few valid Loveline points I've heard.

16:55 Drew Caller points.

16:55 Adam Caller points. Oh yeah, the ones we make every night. But caller points in the nine years that I've been here. Yes. Where are all the sorry your Belinda fans? And if there's so many of them, oh you know, I don't think they have phones over there. And again, with the three hour time difference, I'm not sure if they're able to get in. They probably hear the show at about 3 a.m. and call us.

17:18 Drew I think they just picked a point on the map that didn't have any listeners, but was surrounded by listeners. You've got Anaheim and Irvine and Riverside and Corona and all that. It's almost a Corona.

17:28 Adam Can't we get all the jocks just to gather together and say, look, we've decided we have a map here and we put red stars on everyone, wherever one is. Everyone's out in Pasadena, I'm out in Hollywood, half the other people are out in Encino, Sherman Oaks, the Valley, that kind of stuff. We've decided that this X here would probably be somewhere, somewhere in the Cahuenga Pass or something in Hollywood or Sherman Oaks area, Studio City. This X, this is, this is where we're calling this the starting off point. This is the X for the jocks. You then can go in a 15 mile radius from this X. That's it. Any farther, we're not going. Each year it pours, it pours, it pours, and we just drive and drive and drive. Thanks, Dave. Hey, good times, alright buddy?

18:24 Caller You guys do a great job. Thanks a lot.

18:25 Adam Thanks.

18:28 Rhiannon? Rhiannon.

18:33 Adam Does that mean anything?

18:36 No, it's Irish.

18:39 Adam Oh, okay. What's going on, baby doll?

18:42 Okay, I actually have a couple of questions. But the first one is kind of a stupid teenage question, but there's this guy, and we were kind of going out, I guess you could say. Like, we went on a date, and then afterwards we were kind of together, but not officially, you know? And now, the last two weeks, he's not really been ignoring me, but the only way he'll talk to me is if I talk to him. What's your question? I don't know what I should do.

19:11 Drew Don't talk to him.

19:12 Adam Don't do anything.

19:13 Drew Just don't talk to him.

19:14 Just leave it alone.

19:15 Drew Leave it alone. I like the way she phrased this as a stupid teenage question, because it's not stupid. It's the first time she's experienced this, and she just needs somebody to say, Yeah, you're right. It's over. You need to hear that. I know, but it's not stupid. It's just the first time you've experienced this, and it'll be all right.

19:34 Adam And let me say this, too. Good training, good habits. Yes. Ah, now I have something to say. Everything is sort of about practice and habits and disciplines, you know? And it's like they always say, if you make the mistake like I made, which is, you know, going through your entire schooling without ever doing homework later in life, when people hand you stuff and tell you to take it home and read it and bring it back and stuff like that, you have a lot of difficulty with it. If you have no skills, you never flex those muscles at all. And in relationships, if you get into this sort of slide that a lot of people get into, girls get into this especially, but guys do it, too, where someone is sort of giving them the run around a little and they don't feel too good about themselves, so they keep hanging on and they keep calling and it lowers their self-esteem even more. They never get the strength and they never get to flex those muscles or even work out or create those muscles that it takes to tell somebody, hey, listen, I called you last time, you never return the call, that's it. You got to start that early. And what a life, by the way, if you can be realistic about that one thing.

20:48 Drew Yeah, I mean, that might lead you to being realistic about a lot of things, really. It builds a sense of self steeped in reality.

20:54 Adam You can always be disappointed and you can always be let down and there's always the potential for heartache and heartbreak, but your life will never be destroyed if you don't get caught up in that weird cycle of, you know, the repetitious calling and then your self-esteem gets crushed and as your self-esteem gets crushed, it makes it easier to pick up the phone and do the hole and the next thing you know, you're camped out out front of the house with the binoculars and the cami paint smeared on your face.

21:23 Drew Look, be fair, you didn't have binoculars.

21:25 Adam I had opera glasses. They're different.

21:28 Drew They are different.

21:29 Adam Hey, let me ask you this. When I was a kid, if someone had binoculars, it was like, whoa, whoa, what is this? Let me see.

21:39 Drew Secret Agent Man, wow.

21:40 Adam You see that thing that's a hundred feet away? Yeah. Look through here. It looks like it's 70 feet away.

21:47 Oh, boss.

21:50 Adam That is bitchin. I wonder if kids aren't like hit with the binocs.

21:56 Are they?

21:57 Drew No, it's nothing.

21:59 Adam Hey, let me tell you something else about the binoculars. The binocular is the first gift you get as the guy who has everything. Like when they do that, what do you get? What gift do you get the guy who has everything? I'll tell you what it is. People get your binoculars. And here's the little smaller ones that come in a leather case. That's kind of nice for a guy. And it's true. You didn't have binoculars. Now I have 30 pairs of binoculars. Now I have like four. I swear to Christ, I got like four things binoculars. And here's the thing about the binoculars. It's never you have cause to use it. It's just never near you when you need it. That's all I have binoculars. I go to a ball game. No way. I borrow someone to say I would never. I don't think to do that. I decide to put it in my car. That'll work. That'll be great. Now, never use it. Never look through anything. Look through nothing.

22:50 Drew I don't know if I even said it. You know, cause I think we sort of adjusted ourselves to to view things without binoculars. You know, when the binoculars came around and became accessible everybody thought, oh, now I'll be able to sit anywhere in the stadium and what be like right on top of the quarterback. It's not interesting. It's not that good.

23:06 Adam No, not really. It's kind of like saying look how great this porn is. I'm going to put it under a microscope and really get in tight on it. And then you just see little color dots on the page. Still beat off to it.

23:17 Drew Oh, I no doubt you could.

23:18 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, we do. All right. So here's the deal. Jack Black and Kyle Gass should be here from Tenacious D in just a couple of few. They did Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight, so we'll talk to them. Well, I was going to say after this, but maybe after, after this. After this. Hey everybody, it's Love Line, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-LLV-E-191. Tenacious D coming in here tonight. Kyle Gass and, of course, Jack Black. Just telling Drew that between my family, the three adult families, that would be, my mom and dad divorced, so they both moved to separate houses. And then my grandparents lived in the neighborhood in their own house. Three adults living in separate single-family dwellings, not apartments. Three, like I said, average age, 45, 50. Three adults, one washing machine, no dryers. Just out of a potential...

24:58 Drew Of three of each.

24:59 Adam Three of each, yeah. Yeah, yeah, we don't want... Really? We're living in the Ozarks in like the turn of the century? No one...

25:09 Drew They're a ringer? They're a ringer, yeah.

25:12 Adam We had a clothesline. Here's the old thing about... Here's why... I'll try, I'm gonna stab myself with a pen, but it's two times of going out to the clothesline and hanging everything up and then schlepping it back in the basket and putting it back. You know, the stuff falling in the dirt and the wind blowing stuff off and getting like crow ass on your sweater. It's worth a dryer for one trip. One trip, I don't know.

25:41 Drew New dryer each time.

25:42 Years, years, years.

25:46 Drew Does she have one now?

25:47 Adam Yeah, my mom? Yeah. I think she stepped up probably a few years ago, but 30 years, no dryer. Yeah, oh yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Clint?

26:02 Yeah.

26:03 Adam You're 18?

26:04 Caller Yeah.

26:05 Adam What's up?

26:06 Caller I'm just sitting here waiting.

26:08 Drew You're on the air.

26:10 Caller Hey, yeah, I'm from-

26:12 Adam Clint, you're Belinda. Do your folks have a dryer?

26:15 Caller Do my folks have a dryer? Yeah.

26:17 Adam Okay, just checking.

26:18 Drew See, they're in the modern age out there in Yorba Linda.

26:20 Adam Yeah, what are you guys in in Yorba Linda, the 70s now?

26:23 Caller No, dude, we're in the 2003.

26:26 Adam Okay, all right. Yeah, what do you got going over there in Yorba Linda? Drew and I are figuring we're not going to be able to make it both ways. We're going to have to, you know, bivouac in Yorba Linda.

26:37 Caller What do we have?

26:38 Adam Yeah, I mean, we may have to stay at a hotel or something out there. Yeah, you guys got some campsites or something?

26:46 Caller No, we have a there's actually tons of nice houses. I mean, there's apartments also.

26:52 Adam But maybe we can chill with you.

26:54 Caller Oh, for sure. I got some extra room if you guys want to come down. I do. Hey, I'm just calling to defend us. I'm saying, you know, we have tons. You have tons of support here. We listen to you all the time.

27:07 Adam Thank you, Clint. Do you guys what do you guys got outlet malls over there?

27:12 Caller No, not many outlet malls.

27:14 Caller Mostly just like nice stores, like state stores.

27:18 Adam Clint, are you coming down Saturday?

27:20 Caller Yeah, for sure. We'll be there. I mean, all my buddies will be there.

27:25 Drew How will we be able to identify you?

27:27 Adam Well, you say your name is Clint.

27:29 Drew Yeah, but everyone can walk up and say, hey, I'm Clint.

27:31 Adam I know, but no one does that. Well, no, the real Clint.

27:34 Caller Well, I mean, you know.

27:35 Adam All right, Clint, I'll tell you what we'll do. Here's how we'll know. Here's how we'll know it's you. All right. You say the raven travels at midnight.

27:45 Caller The raven travels at midnight.

27:46 Adam And I'll just look at you and go, Cuckoo, Cuckoo. Good plan. That's how you'll know it's me.

27:52 Caller Great plan.

27:53 Adam All right, buddy. What is it again?

27:56 Caller The raven calls at midnight.

27:58 Adam No, no, no, no. Travels. Travels.

27:59 Caller Travels at midnight.

28:01 Adam Let's try it again. And action.

28:04 Caller The raven travels at midnight.

28:05 Caller Cuckoo, cuckoo.

28:08 Caller I'll be there.

28:09 Adam Clint, okay. Now let's just, and then we'll work out the dialogue after that. Watch. Watch. Try it one more time.

28:14 Caller The raven travels at midnight.

28:15 Cuckoo, cuckoo.

28:17 Adam Clint, is that you?

28:19 Caller Yeah, it's me, Adam. How's it going?

28:21 Adam Okay, buddy. Hey, what do you want me to make out? Who do you want me to make the calendar out to?

28:26 Caller Calendar.

28:27 Adam All right, that's enough. We don't have to do the whole conversation.

28:31 Drew He gets the idea.

28:31 Adam You know what's going to be funny is on Saturday when the guy comes up and says the Raven Tressman and I look up and like, what are you, huh, son? Let's keep the line moving.

28:43 Drew You're not going to know what they're always talking about. Yeah, who? Who's this to?

28:47 Adam Who's this to? Wait, do you want some more sprinkles from Tammy Heide? Carrie?

28:52 Caller Yeah.

28:53 Adam You're 21?

28:54 Caller Yeah.

28:54 Adam What's up?

28:56 Caller Well, my husband, I know he looks at porn all the time and I don't have a problem with it. I'd actually kind of like to look at it with him, but he won't let me. He like hides it from me and pretends like he doesn't have it. I just was wondering if there's any way I can convince him to let me look at it with him.

29:12 Drew What if she just cracks him out?

29:16 Caller No.

29:17 Drew What do you think, Adam? She just brought some out.

29:21 Adam You know, it's weird with guys. Guys always say that's what they want. It's almost like, you know, it's like when they say they'd like the woman to be the sexual aggressor, but sometimes it screws with, it throws them off balance just a little bit.

29:33 Drew Yeah.

29:34 Adam You know what I'm saying?

29:35 Drew But maybe he's sort of protecting his little cave, you know, his little, you know what I mean? This is his little sort of space for himself, but if she brought something to him, it wouldn't be her entering his little fantasy world.

29:47 Adam Meaning, meaning she picks up her own porn.

29:49 Drew Exactly.

29:50 Caller That's what I should do?

29:51 Adam Yeah. Well, what kind of porn does he like?

29:54 Caller Oh, all kinds like, like Playboys and Lollipop and like, I don't know. I've seen about everything.

30:01 Adam Lollipop is, it's 11 and 12 year old girls. Yeah.

30:05 Caller Oh.

30:07 Adam Hey, let's say, you know, whatever floats a kid's boat. I have no idea. I don't know what Lollipop is. Sure, I just made that up. Sounds good though.

30:16 Drew Yeah, it sounds good.

30:17 Adam Sounds like kiddie porn, right? I don't know. Yeah, now, sucker, that's a whole different Jack Rag. So, okay, so, Carrie.

30:26 Caller Yeah.

30:28 Adam You're calling from Alaska. Can you beat off in Alaska during the winter months? I heard it's dangerous.

30:34 Caller Well, I don't think so.

30:37 Adam If you went outside, would you create a gizzicle?

30:42 Caller Would I what?

30:43 Adam As a guy. No, I mean, Drew, stuff will freeze. Stuff will freeze as it flies out. Yes.

30:50 Drew If it's cold enough, I guess.

30:52 Adam It's called fly freezing. And then you will be connected by your own semen to the earth.

30:57 Drew But really up there, those are gizzard pops.

30:59 Adam Oh, gizzard pops. Hey, Carrie. Yeah, get him, get him, you know, look through his collection. A theme should start to emerge and then go get him his theme. You know, here, okay, let me say this. I got a couple of things to say. You know, women, most women will pick an animal or a color or something that they're into inexplicably. Women do this. Oh, they love hippos. Everything hippos. They got hippo slippers, they got hippo pillows, or penguins. It's never hippos and penguins or whatever. They pick. Pigs. They pick their stuff. And it's great because you just get them that. You get them that for a gift. You just get something with a pig on it, something with a penguin on it. That's what you do. You put them in potholders. It doesn't matter. And they never seem to really enjoy it as much as you think they're going to enjoy it, but you're off the hook because they're the penguin person. You got them something with penguins in it. Guys don't have that, but we do with porn. We have our favorite porn animal. You see what I'm saying?

31:58 Drew That's sort of more of the collecting thing the guys do.

32:02 Adam I'm just saying that to say that they're the barely legal guys.

32:06 Drew Oh yeah, they're those guys.

32:07 Adam And they don't run with the big jug crowd.

32:10 Drew Right, right.

32:10 Adam That's a different breed.

32:11 Drew Yeah, yeah.

32:12 Adam Big jug, much better breed. That's a different breed of cat over there. Then there's the Asian porn and the black porn.

32:19 Drew And then there's the cartoon stuff.

32:21 Adam Yeah, the Asian cartoon stuff, the animation. So here's what I'm saying. Find out what the theme is. That becomes the equivalent of the hippo or the penguin for the male.

32:31 Drew Absolutely.

32:32 Adam And it's porn. You see?

32:35 Drew Yeah, so he'll be happy.

32:36 Adam You can't go wrong. But I do feel like guys...

32:39 Drew Carry?

32:39 Adam Guys, yeah, carry. No, I'm just saying. When guys get... And tell me if you agree with this or not. Guys have to feel like they're sort of autonomous to a certain degree. We don't really want to nest that badly. And even when we are nesting, we like to feel like we have a little... Like it's like a lone wolf that roams in a very small cage.

33:04 Drew No, it's like the wolf, you're just circumnavigating the territory. The nest is inside, but you're just checking out the perimeter. Yeah.

33:11 Adam But I just mean, even when we get into the nest, we like to be left alone a little bit. There's nothing better. Women can't stand this, but there's nothing better than when the woman goes out on a girl's night out thing and the guy's got the house to himself and he's just camped out the whole night, not worried about anyone wanting anything from them. Because women always want something from us or are telling us what we're not doing so good.

33:33 Drew You must have, you've got to have kids.

33:34 Adam Yeah, I'm going to kill them. But here's my point. What do I tell them about the one washing machine and no dryer for 35th hundred times? And they kill themselves. It's going to be great. Okay, so listen, a guy's porn is part of his lone wolf sort of autonomy thing. And when women try to rip that away from a guy and the guys now, they're feeling completely vulnerable.

33:59 Drew That's what I was saying. It's his little cave, his little thing.

34:01 Adam Yeah, leave him alone with it. If you want to bring something new, fine, but don't do that, hey, I'm so cool, we can share. No, you're getting into a stash.

34:09 Drew Right, she bring her own stuff in. Yeah. She's sharing her stash.

34:14 Adam Yeah. But let me say this, Drew.

34:17 Drew Yeah?

34:18 Adam Do guys who are in long-term monogamous relationships, I feel like they like porn, not because it's a sexual thing and that's part of it, but mainly because it's a way to sort of pull themselves out of the relationship temporarily.

34:35 Drew Yeah, a little bit.

34:36 Adam It's like, I got my own space, even if I don't have my own space.

34:39 Drew It's that wandering stuff.

34:41 Adam Yeah. Good times.

34:43 Drew Do a quick Germany or Florida.

34:46 Adam Oh, really?

34:46 Drew On six.

34:48 Adam So be it. Cameron? That's better. Cameron, 16, go ahead.

34:58 Caller My name's Cameron, actually. I can't believe I got there. I'm such a big fan. Adam, you're the funniest man in the world and I love everything you do.

35:06 Adam Thank you.

35:06 Caller Go ahead. A man stabbed his co-worker in the eye with a, with a filleting knife after she left him stranded at work one day because she left early. And then after it broke off in her eye, he then proceeded to try to commit suicide with it by stabbing himself in the chest.

35:27 Adam He then tried to stab himself in the chest.

35:29 Caller Murder, attempted murder.

35:32 Adam Right, right.

35:32 Drew That is a, that's a speed move.

35:34 Adam Speed move?

35:35 Drew Yeah, this is all speed.

35:36 Adam Say speed?

35:36 Drew So now I'm going back to Florida.

35:38 Adam Going to Florida.

35:39 Drew You think?

35:40 Adam Florida.

35:41 Caller Florida, yep, you're right.

35:43 Drew Yeah. You are smart.

35:45 Adam Thank you.

35:46 Caller And I also wanted to say that on Halloween, I tried mushrooms for the first time and they're the sweetest thing ever. I know what you're talking about now.

35:54 Adam Yeah, really opened you up, man.

35:56 Caller Yeah, totally did. I was having a great time walking around town.

36:00 Caller Yeah.

36:01 Caller Yeah.

36:01 Drew Yeah, be careful with that camera.

36:02 Adam I got high on mushrooms on a, oh no, wait a minute. I was drunk. The wheeze was high on mushrooms. That's right.

36:10 Drew On Halloween?

36:10 Adam Yeah. Oh no, no, this is like 20 years ago in Isla Vista, Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara used to be great for Halloween. I mean, not Santa Barbara, but Isla Vista where the college is, they would just shut down all the streets, everyone would just grab booze and go staggering up and down the streets. Yeah, dressed like a sailor, had my 12th pack.

36:31 Drew Good times.

36:31 Adam Feeling good. Yeah, met my, that's where I met my girlfriend.

36:34 Drew Seriously? Mm-hmm.

36:36 Adam Yeah, swinging, you know what I'm saying? I had to dump the wheeze though, cause he was like too busy staring at his hand, he was holding me back.

36:43 Drew Was he?

36:44 Adam Yeah, the cruise.

36:45 Drew I imagine he'd be pretty weird on the-

36:47 Adam Single, everyone's weird on mushrooms, but you know, Halloween, that's the single man's holiday. Bunch of chicks dressed up as French maids and Playboy bunnies. You dress as a cop. It's always the perfect in too, cause it's always like that, hey ma'am, I'm gonna have to arrest you for being hot.

37:07 Drew That's the one time they take that.

37:09 Adam And then they'll act like the French maid or the Playboy bunny and everyone's loaded.

37:13 Drew Right.

37:13 Adam Yeah? All right, take a quick break. Again, Tenacious D supposed to be in here tonight.

37:20 Drew Are they here? No.

37:22 Adam Drew, you would know if they were here.

37:24 Drew No, I mean, I thought maybe there was somebody around the corner here. We just didn't know.

37:28 Adam You would know. All right, take a quick. I know, I know Jack Black and Kyle Gasser are in Jimmy's dress room doing a bong load right now.

37:39 Drew Great.

37:40 Adam All right, we'll be back.

38:03 Do-do-do.

38:05 Out on the road today.

38:08 Adam It's Loveline, Tenacious D here, Jack Black. Kyle, I thought it was Kyle Gass.

38:13 Tenacious D Yeah, what'd they say, Glass?

38:14 Adam Yeah.

38:15 Tenacious D That's the most popular misspelling.

38:17 Adam Yeah.

38:17 Tenacious D Because no one could possibly be named Gass. So let's just change it to what we'd like it to be.

38:23 Adam Well, we used to, back in the day, had really crappy JC. Penney earth shoe knockoffs called Gass.

38:31 Drew No kidding.

38:32 Adam Yeah. And it was so bad that I had a pair that snapped in the middle, but the leather held them together, so it was like a bi-folding earth shoe.

38:39 Drew You're walking in the middle of Adam regaling us with stories about his childhood. No washer, no dryer.

38:44 Tenacious D What does that mean?

38:46 Drew He'll tell ya. Here you guys go.

38:47 Tenacious D I don't mind. You can cry to me.

38:49 Adam I got a lot of questions for you guys, actually.

38:52 Tenacious D We'll go.

38:52 Adam We're going to do a, I think-

38:55 Tenacious D First of all, before you ask any questions, I want to apologize for being so horribly late. I think we were supposed to be here a long time ago. And it was because of the Laker game. But I will say, are we the latest ever of any of your guests ever?

39:09 Drew No.

39:10 Tenacious D No?

39:10 Drew No, no.

39:10 Tenacious D Okay, good. Of course not.

39:12 Drew Andy called ahead.

39:13 Adam Yeah.

39:14 Tenacious D Andy Dick called for us?

39:15 Adam Yeah. No, he said Andy called ahead.

39:17 Tenacious D Oh yeah, that's true.

39:18 Drew Andy called ahead.

39:19 Adam No, we're, listen, we're honored that you would even come into our humble studios.

39:23 Tenacious D We really are.

39:24 Drew Please.

39:24 Tenacious D We really are.

39:26 Tenacious D Yeah, legendary, really.

39:28 Adam Well, so here's where we have to plug and then I'll start with the questions, which is the DVD of Tenacious D, which is the complete masterworks. It's the greatest DVD ever sold, Drew. Are you aware of this?

39:41 Drew We don't.

39:41 Adam There's been many given away that were much better, but the only one that actually-

39:45 Tenacious D Double D could not be less interested, it seems.

39:48 Adam Drew, where are you going?

39:49 Tenacious D Double D. Has anyone ever called you Double D, Dr. Drew?

39:52 Drew No, I like that, though. Let's call him that. Creative partner.

39:55 Tenacious D Rage comes up with a lot of golden nuggets that just come off his head.

39:58 Drew The highly provocative DVD contains legendary epic recital at London's Brixton Academy that was by chance recorded on November 3rd, 2002.

40:05 Adam Wow.

40:06 Tenacious D Yeah. That was the, yeah, that's the only concert we ever filmed.

40:09 Drew Jack and Cale slay the mighty dragon and treat the British public to a phenomenal performance.

40:13 Adam Now you can get the DVD on Amazon or get it anywhere, right?

40:16 Tenacious D Go ahead and put some stank on it there.

40:18 Tenacious D He did put some stank on it.

40:19 Drew With the classic, the now classic, F Her Gently.

40:23 Adam Oh yeah, sure, sure. If you ever heard the Musac version of that, it'll bring tears to your, you realize that it is a strong melody when you hear the Musac version. So now where did you guys, well now, we met Jack at a dinner with-

40:39 Drew Years ago.

40:40 Adam Years ago, do you remember that?

40:41 Tenacious D No, what went down?

40:42 Drew It was a Loveline sort of about to be, it was like launch for a third season or something.

40:50 Tenacious D Oh yeah, cause my girlfriend was on the show, on the TV show for a little while.

40:54 Adam Right.

40:55 Drew For a long while.

40:55 Tenacious D Yeah, for a little long while.

40:57 Adam Yeah, well, it's all, everything's ill fated if you think about it.

41:02 Drew I mean, even life is ill fated.

41:04 Adam Yeah, and even ships that don't sink are ill fated.

41:07 Tenacious D But beyond the existential question, well, it did quite well.

41:11 Adam Well, Loveline did.

41:13 Tenacious D Is that true? Have you guys found that?

41:18 Adam All right, but anyway.

41:18 Tenacious D What are you doing, Cage? Whenever we do any interviews, Kyle immediately goes on the attack.

41:23 Tenacious D I'm not attacking.

41:24 Tenacious D Ill fated.

41:24 Tenacious D I love the show.

41:26 Adam Ill fated. How dare you barge into our studio 45 minutes late? It's a competition. So now, how did Tenacious D get started and where did you meet? And I'm sorry if you've been asked these questions before, but I don't know the answer to them.

41:40 Tenacious D We met 13 years ago. We were both in this theater company, the Actors Gang here in LA. And yeah, we were...

41:49 Tenacious D I was kind of like a musical dude, play guitar.

41:53 Tenacious D Yeah.

41:53 Tenacious D And Jack came in singing all the time. He was a young kid on the make.

41:57 Tenacious D I came in and I wanted to be the musical force of the theater company. So we locked horns at first. We weren't really friends. Right. We were arch enemies, but then...

42:05 Adam Sure.

42:06 Tenacious D Isn't it weird how sometimes your worst enemy turns into your best friend?

42:10 Adam Right. No, that's what happened with Drew and I. We hate each other first.

42:13 Drew And eventually we're going to be good friends.

42:15 Adam We're lukewarm.

42:16 Drew Eventually.

42:18 Adam Where was the or is the actors gang? I never heard of them.

42:21 Tenacious D Well, now the theater is located now on Santa Monica and Vine, basically, one block east of Vine.

42:27 Tenacious D It came out of UCLA back in the early 80s with Tim Robbins was leading the way there.

42:32 Adam And did you, anyone go to UCLA?

42:36 Tenacious D Yeah, we both did.

42:37 Adam Oh, you did? Are you guys from out here or you just came out here to go to college?

42:40 Tenacious D I'm from here. Kyle is just a little ways up north, Walnut Creek.

42:44 Adam Where are you from, Jack?

42:45 Tenacious D Hermosa Beach.

42:46 Drew Oh, my goodness.

42:47 Adam Oh, nice.

42:47 Tenacious D Yeah, and then Culver City, Santa Monica.

42:50 Adam Sure.

42:51 Tenacious D Hollywood all around. Every nook and cranny of this neighborhood.

42:54 Adam Wow, and all right. Well, now I have all my questions answered.

42:58 Tenacious D Did we answer them all? Look at the split.

43:00 Adam Yep. Well, I think we're gonna hear something from Tenacious D.

43:04 Drew Really?

43:04 Adam Yeah. I do think we're gonna hear something at some point.

43:08 Drew Should we do that now and then? No, Chris says no.

43:11 Adam Chris says no.

43:12 Drew Not ready.

43:12 Adam So let's take a call and then we'll hear something in the next break.

43:17 Tenacious D Heather?

43:18 Adam You're 24?

43:20 Caller Yep.

43:20 Adam What's up?

43:22 Caller First of all, I'd just like to say Jack and Kyle, I love you guys.

43:25 Tenacious D Thanks.

43:27 Caller That's nice. And Jack, you look super, super hot in the new spin.

43:32 Tenacious D Thank you. In the new what?

43:33 Caller The new spin.

43:34 Tenacious D Oh really? Is there a hot photo of me? Bonable?

43:40 Very bonable.

43:41 Tenacious D Sweet.

43:42 Caller Major bonable. All right.

43:45 Tenacious D I shouldn't put words into people's confluence.

43:47 Adam No.

43:48 Tenacious D I should have let her say whatever.

43:51 Caller Bonable works for me, man.

43:53 Drew She's 14 after all.

43:54 Tenacious D It's all about bonability in today's entertainment market.

44:00 Adam What's up, Heather?

44:02 OK, so here's my question.

44:04 Caller My fiance has a tendency to download porn on my computer.

44:12 Tenacious D Break it off immediately.

44:15 Caller But see, the thing is he lies to me about it.

44:18 And that's my biggest pet peeve.

44:20 Caller And so the thing wouldn't be a big deal, except that it makes...

44:22 I have really low self-esteem. So it makes me feel like, you know, what's he doing looking at that instead of me? And then for him to lie about it makes me think he's doing something worse than he really is.

44:31 Drew He's lying about it because you have all this energy about it. He knows you're going to be spinning out of control.

44:36 Adam And have you ever thought of it from the porn side, which is what's he doing looking at her instead of at me? I mean, the porn is feeling, you know what I'm saying? The porn is silent.

44:45 Drew So he's looking at Heather?

44:47 Adam Yes, it's a silent minority that I feel like I have to speak for.

44:51 Tenacious D I have some advice. OK, you should just like watch some porn yourself. And then when he comes into the room, turn it off really quick, like you're embarrassed about it. And then you'll cancel each other out.

45:05 Caller What about if I'm downloading pictures of you, Jack?

45:08 Tenacious D Yeah, I don't know. Then he might come after me with a machete.

45:10 Adam And then I'll call him off really quick and zip up my pants. Well, look, can you get over the fact that guys look at porn and not be threatened by it?

45:20 It's the whole, like, when he tries to cover it up.

45:27 Drew Heather, it's because of all your energy that he does it. He's trying to avoid you triggering something in you. He knows if you catch him, you're going to spin.

45:35 Adam Yeah, I know.

45:36 Tenacious D Once she opened up about it, I think they would totally find a common ground on it.

45:40 Adam Here's the thing. Guys reflexively cover up porn no matter if Ron Jeremy came storming up the stairs, you would yank the cord on the computer. Like you can't get busted watching porn. It doesn't matter.

45:54 Drew It's the mom reflex.

45:55 Adam Yeah. You got your mom.

45:56 Tenacious D Boys don't want to get in trouble. Right. Right.

45:58 Adam And when. But here's what women do. And they're so full of crap with this when they do that. I don't mind. It's not that you watch the porn. It's that you lie about it. You hide it. You hide it. That's the part. No, they hide it because obviously Heather would spin out if he did it. Although I wonder if chick cops do that. It's not. It's not that you were speeding. That's not why I'm giving you a ticket. It's that when I asked you if you knew how fast you're going, you lied and said 55. You think women, you think female cops hold that stuff?

46:29 Drew I am certain of that.

46:29 Adam That's a good analogy.

46:30 Drew Yes.

46:30 Adam All right. So who? All right.

46:32 Drew So leave the guy alone.

46:34 Adam And by the way, if you put the screws to a guy when you're living with him, they start beating off more and they're even more absent. They'll withdraw into the relationship. All right. We're going to take a break. Tenacious D is here tonight. We will hear something off the CD in the next break. But the DVD is what you kids need to buy. We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back.

47:00 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal. Looking to hook up?

47:03 Call the Dateline.

47:04 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:05 Call the Dateline.

47:06 Caller One call is all you need to make.

47:08 Call the Dateline.

47:09 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. You know what I'm saying, I'm dead!

47:39 Adam Next week, by the way, Linkin Park is going to be in here. Cypress Hill, Papa Roach, and Triumph, the insult dog, is going to be in here. But the A-list has come out tonight.

47:50 Tenacious D Oh yeah.

47:50 Adam Namely, Jack Black and Kyle Gass. Tenacious D, they are together.

47:54 Tenacious D It's the D-list, really.

47:55 Adam And we're gonna hear a song off of the CD called DO coming up in a few minutes. I'm guessing that's like Ronnie James.

48:04 Tenacious D Yeah.

48:04 Tenacious D I think we should play Effort Gently, though.

48:06 Tenacious D You can't. It's got too many cuss words.

48:09 Adam It does?

48:09 Tenacious D But it is kind of our sexual advice song. Yeah. We did it kind of as a public service.

48:17 Adam But it's too filthy for the radio?

48:19 Tenacious D Yeah.

48:20 Adam All right. Well, we'll hear DO. We got a lot of 13-year-olds who are really into Ronnie James.

48:25 Drew A lot of them.

48:27 Tenacious D They ought to be.

48:28 Adam They should be. Well, there you go. Yeah. He's the man on the Silver Mountain, right?

48:32 Tenacious D Well, that's a deep cut. If you want to talk more recent, then you go with like, we're the last in line. My favorite lyric from that when it goes, you can't release yourself, but the only way to go is down.

48:51 Adam But he actually has a guitar, right?

48:53 Tenacious D No, he doesn't play guitar. No, his guitarist does that. Yeah, he does.

48:58 Adam I miss Ronnie James's hair. There's nothing like a pitch black long rock fro.

49:06 Tenacious D Yeah.

49:06 Adam He had a perm, a tight perm that was jet black and long too. But would you say that DO is who you mold yourself after? If there could be one lead rock singer, at least from a voice standpoint, would it be DO?

49:26 Tenacious D If I had to pick one, here's a weird thing. I'm going to have to go Bobby McFerrin. It's kind of on the other end of the spectrum.

49:33 Adam Sure.

49:34 Tenacious D I'm talking about pre, Don't Worry, Be Happy, back in the day when he was kicking at old school.

49:41 Wow.

49:42 Tenacious D He could make his voice sound like all kinds of different musical instruments.

49:46 Adam I was like the guy from Police Academy. Or with instruments.

49:51 Yeah.

49:52 Tenacious D But I first saw him on the Grammys and he was doing something. He's a master of the falsetto.

49:59 Adam Oh, really?

49:59 Tenacious D You know, that yodeling crack that you're going to go, ah. My voice is a little thrashed right now. And he would slap his chest.

50:11 Adam Yeah, and he gets that great sound. Yeah. I think he could do that water dripping noise too if he did it.

50:17 Tenacious D Yeah.

50:18 Adam Yeah. I don't know how people do that. No, that's the chug sound. This is the drip. I can't do anything. Did you do the drip?

50:27 Tenacious D Isn't it like a...

50:28 Adam Yeah. Yeah, there it is. Yes, that's it. Gent?

50:33 Yeah.

50:34 Adam You're 17?

50:35 Caller Yeah.

50:35 Adam What's up?

50:36 Caller Well, first off, I'd like to give a shout out to Jack Black, my friend Mitch's hero. And furthermore, would you guys like to hear the question?

50:44 Caller Sure. All right.

50:46 Caller I have a penis that curves to the left. Democrat.

50:53 Adam And is it just, is it a soft curve?

50:55 Caller Yeah.

50:56 Adam Is it sort of flare to the left? Or is it making any sudden movements?

50:59 Caller It starts like halfway down.

51:01 Adam Halfway down, it starts to make its move. Yeah.

51:03 Caller So it had it your whole life?

51:04 Adam So about the one inch mark?

51:05 Caller Never noticed it for a couple of years ago.

51:09 Tenacious D Are you left-handed?

51:11 Caller I'm ambidextrous.

51:13 Adam Nice. That means you beat off with your heels, right?

51:16 Tenacious D Which hitter?

51:17 Adam Is that what that means? Because I've heard people talk about it. I always assume that's what it meant.

51:21 Tenacious D You lube up the heels?

51:22 Tenacious D You lube up the heels?

51:24 Adam You do like that. And it's great if you're two-fisted porn guy like me, because there's nothing worse than opening the magazine, having one side sort of flapping in the wind and starting to bend. If you keep it taut with two hands, sort of, remember the bowl worker? This is the opposite. You're trying to actually pull the porn apart and then you're really working it with the heels.

51:47 Tenacious D It's like a yoga move.

51:49 Adam Yeah, yeah. And it keeps.

51:50 Tenacious D The flapping butterfly.

51:52 Adam Sometimes your heels can get kind of chalky and chafy and it keeps them real supple. That's how you always know when a guy's a heel jacker. Just look at his heels. If they're sort of baby soft.

52:03 Tenacious D Yeah, when you're on the beach.

52:04 Adam Check it out.

52:05 Tenacious D I noticed double D's looking at a lot of pictures.

52:07 Drew These are curved peinages.

52:09 Tenacious D Drew, did you find this?

52:11 Drew This is a book about surgical procedures to correct.

52:14 Caller Things like.

52:15 Adam Yeah, it's been a long time. So Drew says when he's paying attention that you can take vitamin E.

52:24 Drew 800 units a day. And that might help it. But.

52:28 Caller Do we know what it's from?

52:29 Drew Well, it's usually from trauma. And if something you're not born with, if it's something you've just sort of acquired later on, it's usually from something sort of scarring.

52:37 Caller The way I'm not making its move.

52:38 Caller I'm usually gentle with myself.

52:40 Tenacious D Well, do you wear Tidy White is?

52:41 Caller No, no, I'm a free baller.

52:43 Drew It's usually what I was just reading this little piece here. It says usually from Coital Trauma during the act.

52:49 Adam During the sex. Oh, because I always thought Coital meant beating off of your heels.

52:54 Drew No, no, no.

52:55 Tenacious D But while you're waiting for it, almost everything means beating off of your heels.

53:00 Adam Well, you know that thing when it pops out and you hit a little taint or you hit a pelvic, you know, the chick gets mad. I remember doing it like once every three years, I try to go for a speed run and it's always a disaster. It's like, you know, when you go down a hill on a skateboard and you get going too fast, you start wobbles. And the only way to stop is the shoulder cartwheel and the roll in the trash cans. That's with the sex. You get going too fast, you get to speed wobbles. And that's where the coitus injurious happens.

53:33 Drew This is saying that disease has reached maturity with a period of at least 18 months from the initial onset of symptoms and curvature has been stable for at least six months. So I mean, in spite of vitamin E and in spite of, you know, waiting things out year and a half later, you still got the curve and it's still interfering with your functioning or causing painful erection. That's when they want to do the surgery.

53:50 Adam What about this theory I've had for a while, Drew, which is, you know how a plant will grow toward the sun?

53:56 Drew Yeah, so you should want to shine a light on the other side of it.

53:59 Adam No, no, no, no. My penis moves toward my porn collection. I'm convinced.

54:04 Drew So you got to spread your porn all over the house.

54:05 Adam Oh, I do.

54:06 Drew Yeah, well, of course.

54:07 Tenacious D Does it hurt when you get a boner?

54:08 Adam Oh, wait a minute, let me get him.

54:10 Tenacious D Oh, he's gone.

54:10 Adam No, I put him on hold. Chant.

54:12 Caller Yeah.

54:13 Adam Pain with boner?

54:14 Caller Not at all. No.

54:15 Tenacious D Have you experimented with some different positions where it's all right?

54:19 Caller I actually had a question about positions. If I position myself so the curve is going up, will I hit a girl's G-spot?

54:25 Drew Yeah. Interesting question. You might. A lot of women, they'll complain about the curves up and down. So it could be a blessing. It could be a blessing. Could be. Yes. Could be.

54:39 Tenacious D You're looking for a white lining there.

54:42 Adam Yeah. It's not. I mean, it's like people saying, when I lost my eyesight, it saved my life because that's when I put the bottle down. It still doesn't fall under the blessing category. I see. Curved penis. Because you're all right, Jen.

54:56 Drew Yeah, it's a good time.

54:56 Adam It's a good time.

54:57 Drew You're 17. Eight hundred units of vitamin E a day. Just give it that first time.

55:01 Adam And you got to push it into the hole. You understand? You don't take it orally.

55:04 Caller Sounds good, Adam.

55:05 Adam All right, buddy.

55:06 Caller All right.

55:06 Adam All right. Try to help.

55:08 Tenacious D Take care. All right.

55:09 Adam We have a Germany or Florida.

55:11 Drew Explain to these guys.

55:12 Adam I'll explain how this works. It was actually conceived at the Kimmel show. I gave him six months to do something with it and never use it. So we took it over for this show. We decided that all all evil emanates from either Germany or Florida. Bizarre evil.

55:26 Tenacious D Interesting.

55:27 Adam There's murders everywhere and there's death and mayhem everywhere. But the sort of teaching the schnauzer to heil Hitler or eating the carcass of your newborn.

55:38 Drew And then, you know, last week, we got a guy slicing his penis into, you know, sausage.

55:43 Adam Yeah, yeah. It's it's it's Germany.

55:44 Drew It's frying it up and eating it with.

55:47 Tenacious D Was that a Florida dude?

55:48 Drew No, it's Germany.

55:49 Adam Germany or Florida is where this stuff comes from. So we now have to guess whether it's Germany or Florida.

55:56 Tenacious D Was it delicious?

55:58 Drew He didn't say. We'd actually talk to the guy.

56:00 Tenacious D OK, Rick. Rick.

56:05 Adam Caller who goes by the name of Rick. All right. After that big Germany or Florida building. Oh, man. Let's take a question for Jack. You guys been on hold for 87 minutes. Big fan. Chris.

56:16 Tenacious D Hey.

56:16 Adam What's up?

56:17 Tenacious D First, Adam, you're a you're a genius.

56:20 Adam Oh, thanks.

56:21 Tenacious D And if you were in charge, the world would be a better place. No doubt. You're a passionate, passionate man.

56:28 Drew Double D.

56:29 Adam Drew is a man of great passion.

56:31 Drew You started, Jack.

56:32 Tenacious D I didn't do it. It was cage.

56:34 Drew OK, I'm sorry.

56:35 Adam Go ahead. You have a question for Jack.

56:37 Tenacious D Yeah, Tenacious D, the greatest man in the world.

56:40 Tenacious D True. OK.

56:41 Tenacious D Now, Ronnie James, has he heard your song yet? Who?

56:46 Tenacious D Ronnie James has.

56:47 Tenacious D Ronnie James. Yeah. We we were in his music video. He he liked the song.

56:53 Tenacious D He did. And I got another question. Out of all the movies you've been in, Jack, what was you say was your favorite?

57:02 Tenacious D My best one is still probably High Fidelity. But I know I like School of Rock an awful lot.

57:09 Tenacious D Yeah.

57:10 Adam Well, I would say that High Fidelity may have been a marginally better movie, but you were really showcased in School of Rock.

57:18 Tenacious D That's true.

57:18 Adam I mean, without sounding like an asslicker here, without you, School of Rock's not a very good movie.

57:25 Tenacious D It crumbles. It crumbles.

57:27 Adam It's a cute idea, but you definitely need you and your background and your talents, your specific talents to pull it along.

57:39 Tenacious D It was a vehicle. It was written for me. It was designed that way.

57:41 Adam It wasn't a bad vehicle. It was like a Camry with air conditioning but the lower interior.

57:46 Drew Love that film.

57:48 Adam But hold on. Jack got into that car and you want to know what happened? Dropped a big block blown Chevy in there, pulled out the back seat, put Naga Hyde in there and put a nice limo tint on the windows.

58:00 Tenacious D What's Naga Hyde?

58:01 Adam That's a fake leather.

58:02 Tenacious D Oh, I thought that was like nitrous.

58:04 Adam Oh no. Hooked up. Hooked up the Nas. That's nitrous oxide. Put the Nas tanks on there too.

58:10 Tenacious D I also put that thing, the blower, like Mad Max.

58:13 Adam Oh yeah. That's blown. That's super charged.

58:16 Tenacious D Thank you.

58:16 Adam That's super charged. Hemi. And he put the four bolt main in there and he had the nine inch Muncie rear end and the four speed rock crusher tranny. Yeah. And the race white letters on the torque twister tires.

58:29 Tenacious D But if Jack's not in there, it's a pacer.

58:31 Adam If Jack's not in there, it's the beige Camry with the bad, and no carpet, just the actual vinyl floor mats.

58:40 Tenacious D Yeah.

58:40 Caller All right.

58:42 Adam AM radio. All right. Hey, no air either, by the way. Who are we talking to? Chris, you have any more automotive questions?

58:51 Drew Chris got his answer.

58:52 Adam Oh, he did. All right. We got another Germany or Florida, so we have to prioritize on this show.

58:58 Drew Paul?

59:01 Adam Yes? You're 14? All right. You have a Germany or Florida for us?

59:07 Caller Man tries to rob a bank. Gun goes off in his pants. He gets hurt. He grabs the cash and runs for the door. As he ran out the door, he got hit by a van and they never caught the guy.

59:23 Caller Oh, hmm.

59:27 Drew Is this something happened a long time ago or recently?

59:30 Caller About a year ago.

59:30 Adam About a year ago.

59:32 Tenacious D Well, but they got the DNA.

59:33 Adam Gun going off in the pants.

59:35 Caller There was no blood at the scene.

59:36 Adam That feels Florida.

59:37 Drew That feels Florida. Yeah.

59:38 Adam Van feels Florida unless you picture one of those funky European vans.

59:42 Drew Right.

59:43 Adam Which are probably more prevalent.

59:44 Drew And I don't see a Florida bank being so close to the street that you open the door and get hit by a van. That's Germany, right?

59:51 Adam What the hell do I know where the banks are located in Germany?

59:55 Drew More room in Florida.

59:57 Adam More room. So what are we going with?

59:59 Drew Germany? Whatever you say.

1:00:00 Adam I don't want to go Germany. We're going Germany, Paul. Oh, Drew, with your stupid bank road proximity theory. That's retarded.

1:00:12 Tenacious D I swear I was going to go Florida, too.

1:00:16 Tenacious D It had me picturing little European cobblestone streets, narrow buildings.

1:00:22 Adam See if it was custom van, that's Florida. Of course. And by the way, let me tell you something what Jack Black did with School of Rock. It was just a plain tradesman van. No captain's chairs, no paneling, no blout punk, nothing.

1:00:40 Tenacious D Was there a table in the back? Was there carpet?

1:00:43 Adam No, just the interior.

1:00:44 Tenacious D The shell?

1:00:46 Tenacious D Just a shell.

1:00:46 Adam It's a kind of a painter would use.

1:00:48 Tenacious D No, no, no.

1:00:49 Adam It did have a ladder rack, but we took that off. Jack got hold of that van. Jack put Love Tron and Rainbow Tape on the side of it. You know what I'm saying?

1:00:58 Caller And one of those bubble windows that is really not good for anything because light cannot pass through in either direction.

1:01:04 Adam Someone decided it'd be really cool to have a bubble window about the size of a football helmet. A saucer on the upper right hand corner of the van that nobody could see out of and nothing really passed through. It was just black. I'm convinced now that it was just a black salad bowl that was glued to the side of the van.

1:01:24 Tenacious D Did you see the movie?

1:01:26 Adam The van?

1:01:27 Tenacious D No.

1:01:28 Adam Your movie?

1:01:29 Tenacious D Yeah.

1:01:29 Drew He had the van.

1:01:30 Adam Oh, he did have the custom van.

1:01:31 Tenacious D Where did you see it? Yeah.

1:01:33 Adam Where did I see the van?

1:01:34 Tenacious D Where did you see the movie? Did you see like a matinee last week or something?

1:01:37 Adam No. I saw.

1:01:38 Tenacious D Maybe you're judging it harshly because the audience was not into it, but I think it's better than you're giving it credit. It wasn't a hollowed out shell of a van. I swear to God, when I read it, I thought it was a Ferrari. I read it and I was like, this thing is just plain funny. What don't I understand?

1:01:56 Tenacious D He's saying without you, it's a hollowed out van. With you, it's a custom van.

1:02:00 Drew But Jack is saying he read it without him and he thought it was a Ferrari.

1:02:03 Adam That's right.

1:02:03 Tenacious D I read it.

1:02:03 Adam Yeah, but it was him reading it.

1:02:06 Drew You saw yourself in it. You saw what you could do with it.

1:02:08 Adam The custom van cannot read it.

1:02:10 Tenacious D It was written by a good friend of mine, Mike White.

1:02:12 Drew Now, he went to my little Lord Fauntleroy school.

1:02:15 Adam Mike White did.

1:02:16 Tenacious D Oh, really?

1:02:16 Drew Yeah, and he fashioned it after the class just ahead of my kids. And this film are all pissed off because all the names are people. They know the classic.

1:02:26 Tenacious D Mr. Schneebly.

1:02:27 Adam Yeah.

1:02:28 Drew All the names of the kids.

1:02:30 Tenacious D Yeah.

1:02:31 Adam All right. I'm going to be more. I was I was just sucking up to you, Jack. The movie. The movie was a solid movie. It was a good. It was a prelude. It was a Honda prelude. It was it was a maroon prelude. Low mileage.

1:02:48 Tenacious D When's your movie come out? So I can talk about what kind of crappy car reminds me of a Fiero, the four cylinder, not the six cylinder.

1:02:57 Adam No, no, it's good. Good solid movie. But you made it. The part was made for you. And yeah. Hi, Fidelity. Great movie. Never said no.

1:03:05 Caller Good movie.

1:03:06 Adam All right. Where are we, Drew?

1:03:07 Caller Who am I talking to?

1:03:09 Adam Line five. Marie.

1:03:13 Yes, sir.

1:03:14 Adam You're 22.

1:03:15 Caller I am.

1:03:16 Adam What's up?

1:03:17 Caller Well, I just want to say Jack, Kyle, you're beautiful human beings. A little disappointed that we didn't see a cameo of Kyle in School of Rock.

1:03:30 Tenacious D Well, I hate to have you open that can of worms.

1:03:33 Tenacious D There wasn't a good part for them, though, you know? See, a crappy little cameo. It's got to be funny. We can't give him something that's, you know, not worth his while because we've got the Tenacious D movie coming up next. Right. But what are you going to say, Kyle? Make me feel bad. Go ahead.

1:03:52 Tenacious D I completely agree with you.

1:03:56 Adam You know, Drew Stard is the father of the Olsen twins in a movie that's coming out in a few months. And he could throw a bone this way. Hey, Kyle, maybe you and I make our own movie. Yeah, why not? Yeah. And maybe it'll just be enough room for just me and you.

1:04:11 Tenacious D Yeah, maybe it'll be a Peugeot.

1:04:14 Tenacious D Yeah. Do you remember the Howard Stern vehicle?

1:04:18 Tenacious D Yeah.

1:04:18 Tenacious D Well, he talked about, like, for a year how easy acting was and he stunk it up.

1:04:22 Tenacious D Well, he jinxed himself. You can't talk about how awesome you're going to be.

1:04:25 Tenacious D And then, like, before he gets divorced, the whole movie is designed to show what a great guy he was.

1:04:30 Tenacious D Oh, yeah. No, that was kind of sickening.

1:04:32 Tenacious D Ridoculous.

1:04:33 Drew The Howard Redoculous.

1:04:35 Adam Oh, recoculous is the one. Oh, and I like to use about repriculous. Marie.

1:04:43 Caller Ridiculous.

1:04:44 Caller Yeah.

1:04:44 Adam You have you have warts.

1:04:46 Caller I do.

1:04:47 Caller Yeah.

1:04:48 Adam And basically, I like I would say your vagina is like a Taurus. It's like a Taurus.

1:04:56 Caller Oh, it'll get you from A to B.

1:04:59 Adam It's good for hauling lumber and you don't mind if friends borrow it every once in a while. Assurance is low. Starting with the screwdriver. What's it?

1:05:18 Caller And I like to keep the forest clean and fully shaven.

1:05:22 Adam Fully shaven.

1:05:27 Caller I'm not into cuba care.

1:05:30 Drew What is the question?

1:05:31 Caller The question is, does shaving that area with warts cannot lead to spreading them to other parts of my skin?

1:05:40 Drew No.

1:05:40 Tenacious D Unequivocally.

1:05:41 Drew Well, not unequivocally because if you have warts that have already spread onto the skin area and you're not controlling them, you're not having them taken off or burned, whatever, they can continue to spread and I suppose, I can imagine a way that shaving might make that a little bit worse, but fundamentally HPV is something inside the vagina.

1:06:02 Adam But then what about the following morning when her husband uses it to clean up his neckline?

1:06:07 Tenacious D It's very pretty.

1:06:08 Adam Same razor?

1:06:08 Drew It's nice.

1:06:09 Adam Can you get it?

1:06:10 Tenacious D No, not that I'm aware of.

1:06:12 Adam The funky razor, no?

1:06:12 Drew Because there's a different skin up here. The skin of the genital area is where the HPV tends to penetrate.

1:06:18 Adam But you shouldn't shave your...

1:06:20 Drew No, if you hear her husband or boyfriend then start shaving his pubes with that same razor.

1:06:24 Adam You shouldn't go lower than a wart with the pubes. That's always been my rule. Do you know what I mean? Like, if the wart is sticking out up an eighth of an inch, the pubes has to be at least three sixteenths.

1:06:37 Drew Just for aesthetic value or for...

1:06:38 Adam Why expose it?

1:06:40 Drew Right.

1:06:40 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:06:42 Drew Anyway, the HPV that you're concerned with is what's inside and the risk of cervical cancer and this kind of stuff. And what's on the outside, yes, needs to be controlled. You're more contagious of the stuff on the outside, but that's not a big deal. All right.

1:06:53 Adam But leave the hair. I mean, if you got warts, you need to do like the equivalent of the comb over for the male. You know what I mean? Like there's a patch that's not so good on your vagina. Let's go ahead and... Go for it. Once in a while, guys will do this. Guys will, you know, they have a bad chin or something. So they, you know, those guys who carve a beard in and they just actually will carve a chin in. It makes sense. You get something. I'm thinking about doing that too. You don't have a beard.

1:07:21 Tenacious D Well, I don't have a chin. No, but I have grown a goatee though, just to...

1:07:26 Adam It works, right?...

1:07:27 Tenacious D define something.

1:07:28 Adam It's nice.

1:07:28 Tenacious D Yeah, yeah. It's good. Yeah. I just want to say, am I the only one left who likes the full boosh?

1:07:36 Adam No.

1:07:37 Tenacious D Because it seems like no one... Is that like age me or... Yes.

1:07:42 Drew That is a throwback.

1:07:43 Tenacious D Is it a throwback?

1:07:44 Adam But how full? How full? I mean...

1:07:46 Tenacious D I'm saying, let your garden grow.

1:07:49 Adam But here's the thing.

1:07:50 Tenacious D I don't mind if it's sneaking out around the... the undies, you know?

1:07:55 Adam Really?

1:07:56 Tenacious D Yeah, just creepy crawly, little vines coming out there.

1:07:58 Adam It's tough to work with a little bit, though, if...

1:08:01 Tenacious D I don't know.

1:08:02 Adam No? I'll tell you, a grown-over vagina is a lot like a 87 Maxima.

1:08:11 Tenacious D Yeah, but I thought that was a great car.

1:08:13 Tenacious D It is a great car.

1:08:13 Tenacious D I mean, at the time, a lot of...

1:08:15 Drew It's hard to work with. For the time.

1:08:17 Tenacious D For the time.

1:08:19 Adam But it's now sort of outdated.

1:08:20 Tenacious D I like it trimmed, not shaved.

1:08:23 Drew He didn't go for the raccoon appearance.

1:08:25 Adam Okay, can we all agree on this? Because, okay, the completely shaven is a little off-putting because that's sort of like, look at me, I'm 12, right?

1:08:34 Drew Right?

1:08:34 Tenacious D As it grows back, it actually turns into sandpaper. There's a few days there where it's really horrible.

1:08:39 Adam Yeah, it's tough. I mean, you can redo a deck with it. I mean, that's the only... Honey, I need to borrow the vagina. What's up? I'm redoing the redwood railing on the deck. All right, scooch.

1:08:51 Tenacious D I don't like that strip. What do they call it?

1:08:53 Adam The landing strip or that?

1:08:54 Tenacious D I don't like that at all. That just seems odd.

1:08:57 Adam Here's what we're... Okay, here's what I think we're all gonna agree on here, which is we would like... We know that women go through a lot of work to look a certain way for guys, but we don't want to see that you went through all that work. Now, we don't...

1:09:12 Drew We want it to look natural.

1:09:14 Adam Yeah, now, if you got a bush that has never been touched from zero to age 30, it's gonna be aesthetically something that we're probably not that into. What we want is one that has been trimmed, but it's been trimmed in such a way where it doesn't look like it's been touched. Yeah, it's like when you look at Playboy, and I'm not sure what the years were, but somewhere in the 70s and the early 80s, they were carving it into a nice triangle, and it didn't look like they were messing with it.

1:09:44 Tenacious D That's probably what I'm responding to.

1:09:45 Drew That's when you decided what a woman was.

1:09:48 Tenacious D Right, right.

1:09:49 Adam And that's what I want too. Let's go get one during the break.

1:09:53 Tenacious D We could.

1:09:54 Adam We're going to hop into my vehicle and go get one. All right, so what are we talking about? Tenacious D here tonight. We're going to hear something off the CD. The DVD is out. It is called The Tenacious D. The complete master works and it is everywhere you can buy DVDs. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:10:22 Caller 3 hour, 2 Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

1:10:32 Caller Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:10:52 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Next week, Triumph, the insult comic dog, is going to be in here. He is really funny. Linkin Park's going to be in here. Cypress Hill and Papa Roach all next week. Tenacious D, Jack and Kyle, both here. The only members of Tenacious D. The DVD, which is just out, is just out. And it's everywhere. And we're going to hear something. By the way, the DVD is called the Tenacious D, the complete masterworks. And we're going to hear something from the Tenacious D CD. Let's take one call and then we'll hear DO. You're 24?

1:11:41 Caller I am 24.

1:11:43 Adam What's up?

1:11:44 Caller Well, I'm in this open relationship that I'm not particularly happy in and I never liked the idea of an open relationship in the first place, but I decided that maybe it might be worth a try.

1:11:59 Drew Because you knew that if you didn't agree to it, you wouldn't be able to hang on to this guy.

1:12:06 Caller I got sexually involved with him pretty early, right away in the relationship. It's phenomenal sex and I think that's a lot of why I stay. Every day I kick myself for staying in it, but at the same time I feel lonely and I don't want to not be in it.

1:12:26 Adam Open relationship, by the way, is a great euphemistic term. It really means, as a guy saying to a girl, I get to F your friends and waitresses. If you F anyone, I'll freak on your ass. That's really what it turns out to be. You can't just go home.

1:12:42 Caller It does definitely have a double standard.

1:12:44 Adam Yeah, you can't go home to people. So what's so great about this guy?

1:12:51 Caller Well, he's really funny.

1:12:52 Drew He's phenomenal.

1:12:53 Caller He's very sweet when he's not talking about her.

1:12:58 Drew About who? Well, there's one other woman?

1:13:02 Caller There's one other woman.

1:13:03 Drew Is it his wife?

1:13:05 Caller It's not his wife. She's a divorced woman. She's 30 some odd.

1:13:11 Caller She's got three kids.

1:13:12 Caller I think she's kind of stupid and not a very nice person. She makes him feel bad a lot. She's very mean to him.

1:13:21 Drew This guy's effed up.

1:13:23 Tenacious D Why do you know her? Well...

1:13:25 Adam He talks about her, right?

1:13:27 Tenacious D Have you met her?

1:13:28 Caller I have met her. And she's rubbed me the wrong way from the beginning.

1:13:33 Drew But yeah, it's her fault that he's in this messed up situation.

1:13:39 Adam Such a horrible person letting him have sex with her. What's that?

1:13:42 Caller I don't know.

1:13:44 Adam Why don't you blame the guy, by the way? He's the problem. By the way, this is one of the hallmarks of being white trash, which is the chick goes after the other chick. No Jew chick would ever do this. Am I right? Jewish broad would never do this. This is exclusive. This is white trash. It's black and little specks. Everything but Jew, actually. Jew and Asian don't do this. But smart chicks go after the guy for cheating, not go after the girl he's cheating with. But I still like, I got to give me one of these girls where they just have at it. You're just sitting there with your arms folded and they're just beating the crap out of each other. Your penis is the prize.

1:14:27 Drew Trophy.

1:14:29 Adam For me, it's more of a medallion action.

1:14:33 Caller I blame myself for making the decision to be in this relationship.

1:14:36 Drew Yeah, you should get out.

1:14:37 Adam That's enough.

1:14:38 Drew This isn't working.

1:14:38 Adam What's this guy, and by the way, what's this guy do for a living? He drives a truck, right?

1:14:43 Caller No, he does not. I drive a truck, but...

1:14:46 Adam You do.

1:14:47 Caller No. He works at a Home Depot right now.

1:14:51 Drew Right now, right now, Adam. Right now.

1:14:53 Adam How old is he?

1:14:54 Caller He's not doing very well.

1:14:56 Drew Yeah, but right now, he's at the Home Depot.

1:14:57 Adam How old is he? Oh, listen, that is... That Home Depot is really... It's like a funnel for the dam. That's where they end up. And, you know, they show the commercial with the kindly guy with the salt and pepper hair. This is Bob Johnson. He's got 28 years since the plumbing contract. First off, anyone that knows anything does not end up at the Home Depot. But if you're an expert on anything, you don't take $7.50 an hour with an embroidered name tag. You're out making whatever you're worth being an expert at something. But you go into that place, you try to talk to people, and they barely even speak English. So this guy's got to be like a triple tart. Plus, then he's also banging some chick that has three kids to divorce.

1:15:43 Drew And that's a boundaryless relationship that's chaotic, and he can't get himself out of that, and he keeps this other one on the side. It's a really bad situation.

1:15:50 Adam Aaron, you're out.

1:15:51 Tenacious D This guy sounds like a hero.

1:15:53 Adam You fire up that 18-wheeler, drop the clutch, and make tracks for the border.

1:15:59 Caller But really, my question is, like, I don't understand about myself why I can intellectually understand that this is a bad idea.

1:16:08 Adam Low self-esteem. Your dad screwed you over.

1:16:12 Caller Hey, now you're probably right.

1:16:13 Drew Yeah, you need to be in that chase. That chase is important to you because that's the way you chase dad. And that's who you are in a relationship. That's how you know yourself best. And you're going to make that right once and for all. But of course, you're with the unavailable guy who will never be available.

1:16:27 Adam And your dad was unavailable?

1:16:31 Caller Not as unavailable as some dads, but I mean, I don't see him as one of those guys from my mom.

1:16:35 Adam When their kids were three months old. Yeah, I mean, he wasn't in the ground or in the joint, but he wasn't a good dad, was he?

1:16:43 Caller Well, we didn't live with him, and it was probably a better idea that I didn't live with him.

1:16:48 Adam All right, not a good guy.

1:16:50 Drew That would qualify as unavailable and not a good guy.

1:16:52 Adam What kind of rate are you driving, by the way?

1:16:56 Caller I don't drive a big truck.

1:16:58 Caller I drive my little truck.

1:17:00 Adam It's always boring when people say that. All right, well, that's enough. Now we're bored. I want to see like, you know, Kenworth, 18 Wheeler. Of course. So are people a truck, call themselves truckers? You shouldn't be able to call yourself a trucker.

1:17:11 Tenacious D Do you remember Carl Malone's truck?

1:17:13 Adam Sure. Yeah.

1:17:14 Tenacious D That's a truck.

1:17:15 Adam That's a truck. I like guys who drive the truck with big murals on the side.

1:17:21 Tenacious D With him on it, I believe. Wasn't he? He was painted on the side with a big cowboy hat.

1:17:25 Adam Delivering the mail.

1:17:26 Drew She didn't call herself a trucker. She said she drives a truck.

1:17:29 Adam Oh, okay.

1:17:30 Tenacious D Yeah, but the way she said it, I was with you.

1:17:33 Adam Felt BJ in the bearish to me.

1:17:35 Tenacious D Can I sneak a question in here? Is an open relationship, you always consider that like a bogus concept? It doesn't really...

1:17:42 Drew It never works for long.

1:17:44 Tenacious D You're saying slam dunk. It just does not exist in the real.

1:17:47 Drew No, not in the healthy world. It doesn't work in the healthy world. We have talked to people that are both sex addicts, for whom it works, but these relationships are built on chaos and poor boundaries, and so eventually it unwinds. It can work for a while. It can work for even a long while, but it will have problems.

1:18:06 Adam We tried that.

1:18:08 Drew We have met multiple times.

1:18:10 Adam He starts seeing a podiatrist out of Orlando. Encino. Encino, I'm sorry. I started to freak, and then we both quickly realized that that was in a direction we could go.

1:18:22 Drew We'll see.

1:18:23 Adam We do it in another person.

1:18:24 Drew Orlando is when we're...

1:18:25 Adam Four persons into the bedroom every once in a while.

1:18:27 Drew If you guys want to consider it. Orlando is when it was working still.

1:18:33 Tenacious D I have one more question. When someone needs to make their fantasy a reality.

1:18:40 Drew You mean like a fetish fantasy?

1:18:42 Tenacious D Well, any sort of maybe a group or maybe you partner with somebody else or one of these sort of deals. Do you think that's ever a good idea?

1:18:51 Drew Not in a commit... Well, you can never say never, but the vast, vast majority of cases, if you're in a committed relationship and you're going to do something that might create some feelings you can't expect, like bring another person in or watch them with someone else or them watch you with someone else. Not a good idea. It's really putting things in risk.

1:19:09 Adam And your relationship is like an old person's bones, you know? Like, if you break that hip once, the person just sort of walks with a limp after that. Right. One good, like we've had it many times where people are like, we're in a committed relationship, we're going to get married, this is going to be great, we just want to try bringing a person in just this one time. They do it and it F's everything up.

1:19:34 Tenacious D It always happens, doesn't it?

1:19:35 Adam Always happens.

1:19:36 Tenacious D That's fascinating that it always happens.

1:19:39 Drew Well, the unfortunate thing, people want to put a value judgment on it. Go, well, it's bad to do that or it's good to do that. It's like, no, it just doesn't work. I wish it were good. It doesn't work. Humans just aren't wired that way. It doesn't work very long.

1:19:50 Tenacious D And yet, it's such a common, everybody...

1:19:53 Drew Well, we've been through a period of history when that was supposed to be cool and good. And now a lot of people tried it and sort of found out, it doesn't work. If you're single, it's cool and good. If you're in a relationship, ugh.

1:20:03 Tenacious D Yeah, my parents tried it. It was messed up. Really? Yeah. What'd they do? Well, you know, it was the 70s, and there was all kinds of crazy... We used to go to nudist colonies a lot. Really? This place called Esselen here in California.

1:20:18 Tenacious D It's Eschelon, isn't it?

1:20:19 Tenacious D Is it Eschelon?

1:20:20 Tenacious D I believe.

1:20:20 Tenacious D Okay, I was a little kid. I got a really bad sunburn on my ass.

1:20:26 Adam That's not up in Topanga Canyon.

1:20:27 Tenacious D There was a naked dude playing tennis with nothing but tennis shoes on. But anyway, there was a part of this thing called family synergy, where the families would all come together, and I didn't know until many years later that it was all about families getting together and just having sex with each other while the kids were running around in the nudist colony.

1:20:45 Adam Everything... Hey, this is where he gets his creative juices.

1:20:54 Drew You and Jack had similar families.

1:20:56 Tenacious D Did you go to nudist colony?

1:20:57 Adam No, I had a hippie family, or a hippie mom, and went to a free range school where I never learned anything, but I had my grandmother... My grandmother used to walk around in the nude. That's not right. That's probably why I do the heel jack. That's what my therapist says. But I remember one time...

1:21:23 Tenacious D Oh, my God.

1:21:24 Adam There's a nudist camp. It was called Elysium or something. It was up, like, in Topanga Canyon.

1:21:28 Caller Dude, that's the one.

1:21:29 Tenacious D That's the one.

1:21:30 Caller Did you go there?

1:21:31 Adam No. Wait a minute. I recognize you.

1:21:36 Tenacious D I'm sorry. I didn't wear any pants tonight, but you recognize my balls.

1:21:40 Adam No, my grandmother would say, yeah, me and Emory Kennerick are going up there over the weekend. You want to tag along? It's great. It's like, first off, everyone does this whole thing. It's like, hey, man, you're free. You're free. You're free. Well, when you're at the beach, you're wearing three ounces of nylon around your nards. You really feel like you're suffocating in these things. Like you're in some sort of cocoon. Oh, my God, I'm shirtless. I'm pantless. I'm shoeless. I feel like I can't breathe. Put on a goddamn Speedo. I feel weird when my nuts are swinging around, you know? I mean, so that whole like, hey, man, it's great to be nude. Like I walk around my house, even just walk around alone. I put a towel on. I actually it just I feel a little better that way. So what do you mean the freedom? So confined with the shorts. Those cutoffs are very confining. So that's a weird thing. And everyone just wants to go up there and look at everyone else nude. And then if you don't go, you're uptight. And that's where they get you. You're not uptight, are you, man? I mean, about your body. Are you uptight? Why? No, I'm not uptight. Good, good. So get nude and come on up. And then the sports, then the volleyball, then the basketball, then the tennis and the singalong start coming. Batman and all that stuff. And average age 74. It's not the kind of nudist camp that you picture when you're beating off the nude. Nudist camps.

1:23:08 Tenacious D A lot of good came out of the 60s, but nudist camps was not one of the great things. I contend.

1:23:14 Adam No. And then they and then what? Here's the only thing worse than the nudist camp is the like nudist trailer parks, the communities, the nudist community. That is a cluster.

1:23:24 Drew I think the only state to come out of the 60s is the Civil Rights Movement. That was it.

1:23:28 Adam Yeah.

1:23:29 Drew That's what we got.

1:23:29 Tenacious D No, come on. That's some good music.

1:23:31 Drew Good music. I'll give you that.

1:23:32 Tenacious D Cultural revolution.

1:23:33 Drew That's right. All right.

1:23:35 Adam Now look what we did.

1:23:36 Drew Screwed up the time. Let's play it.

1:23:39 Adam Can we do that? Anderson?

1:23:41 Drew Anderson's not here. It's Ken. We can do it.

1:23:43 Adam Oh, Ken's here? Let's hear a Tenacious D song. You ready there, Chris? This one is called I Burnt My Nuts at the Nudist Camp. No, this is DO. Tenacious D, The Complete Masterworks. Kyle and Jack are both here, and we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. And I just. Hey, Lauren. What? He's the world's worst producer.

1:26:17 Tenacious D Oh, yes. Yes.

1:26:18 Adam How bad a producer is Lauren?

1:26:20 Drew She's just entertaining the guests.

1:26:23 Adam Tenacious D in the studio tonight.

1:26:25 Tenacious D That's nothing. I just got surgery. I got my gallbladder removed.

1:26:29 Drew You did not?

1:26:30 Tenacious D Yeah. And I woke up.

1:26:31 Drew Did you just lose a bunch of weight or something?

1:26:33 Tenacious D No.

1:26:33 Drew How did you get the gallbladder disease?

1:26:35 Tenacious D You know, I've had stones. This is weird. He's an old man. The first attack I had of gallstones, I was 16 years old.

1:26:42 Drew In your family?

1:26:42 Tenacious D Yeah. Clutch gallstone? You know, my grandma, no men have had it. I don't know. There's something wrong with my.

1:26:49 Drew There's something, I've noticed when people lose a bunch of weight all of a sudden, that they'll be precipitate stones. Have you had any weight go up or down or anything?

1:26:56 Adam Not really.

1:26:56 Tenacious D I've always been pretty fat.

1:26:57 Adam Drew, what about the theory about phallus exposure to the sun at a year early age?

1:27:04 Drew Adam, that's what I was going to say next. Right.

1:27:07 Adam We just read something in JAMA that if the male penis is exposed to too much sunlight between the age of nine and 19 that this can cause.

1:27:17 Drew Precipitate stones.

1:27:18 Adam Stones, yeah. So maybe.

1:27:19 Tenacious D Damn you, Elysium.

1:27:21 Drew They have it laparoscopically removed?

1:27:23 Tenacious D Yeah, they went in with tubes. Is that what it means, laparoscopic?

1:27:26 Drew Yeah.

1:27:26 Tenacious D Yes.

1:27:27 Drew Pretty cool.

1:27:27 Tenacious D Well, yeah, it was cool. But the point of the story is I woke up, you know, after being under for seven hours. It's supposed to go one hour, but then when they went in there, it was hiding behind my liver, first of all, so they couldn't really see what they needed to do.

1:27:42 Drew Did they have to open it?

1:27:43 Tenacious D They had to, no, they did not cut open. It's just still the holes. But when they finally saw the gallbladder, it was super like infected and swollen. So then they had to, after they took it out, they took it out, they sucked it out of my belly button. Then they went back in to make sure that nothing else had become infected. So it took a long time. Anyway, I wake up, disoriented, different room that I went to sleep in. Hello, anybody? Hello? And then the nurse comes in. Oh, he's awake. Would you mind signing this for Lauren? And then the other nurse was like, oh no, don't make him do it. And she said, oh, it's no big deal. He'll do it, won't you? And then later I tried to get it fired.

1:28:27 Drew Corvoisier's gallbladder.

1:28:31 Adam It's always funny when you sign something and as you start signing it and it's to somebody else, the person that is having you sign it starts subtly insulting you where they do that. My nephew Tim, big fan, big fan. I didn't know who you were. And you're starting it, right?

1:28:46 Tenacious D And they're going.

1:28:46 Tenacious D You mean like a minute ago when Dr. Drew said it was his kids would go crazy?

1:28:50 Tenacious D No, but he didn't insult after that.

1:28:52 Adam No, but they'll start working. And I hadn't heard of you, but he's a big fan. I don't really approve of that kind of humor. And it's like halfway in with your client. Now the pen breaks in your hands. Well, what are you supposed to do? You got to do it for the kids, right, Drew? Mm hmm. All right. Tenacious D here tonight.

1:29:10 Tenacious D Why does anyone want an autograph anyway?

1:29:12 Drew I don't understand that.

1:29:13 Tenacious D You know?

1:29:14 Adam Yeah. Although, you know, speaking of subtle putdowns, Kyle, the second to go off the air, gives us the how many nights a week you guys do this gig? Five nights. Really? Why? It's our job.

1:29:28 Tenacious D You guys have been doing it. Yeah, but why? You guys should go down to, you know, four day.

1:29:33 Adam Yeah, we could start cutting back.

1:29:35 Tenacious D Yeah.

1:29:35 Adam Yeah, let's do that.

1:29:36 Drew Good idea.

1:29:37 Adam Or as my plan, which is instead of ten hours a week broken up into five days a week, what about one marathon show?

1:29:43 Drew Ten hours straight.

1:29:44 Adam No, no, each month. Oh, 40 hours. 40 hours.

1:29:49 Drew Beauty way to go.

1:29:50 Adam It's like you're just you're just giving me drugs. I'm starting to get I'm starting to get kind of different about that. I'm hallucinating by the 37th hour. Like I said, starting to drop the F-bomb left and right.

1:30:03 Tenacious D Let's get an easy, easy pad there. You write out the prescriptions.

1:30:07 Adam Yeah, it's very loose. Loosest pen in town. Let's talk to Matthew. Matthew?

1:30:13 Yeah.

1:30:14 Adam You're 18?

1:30:15 Caller Yeah.

1:30:15 Adam Germany or Florida?

1:30:16 Caller Yeah, I got one for you. Go ahead. All right. This guy walks into a grocery store and can't afford anything, so he steals a lobster by stuffing it in his pants. And as he heads out the door, he's castrated by the lobster and bleeds to death on the way to the hospital.

1:30:37 Adam Really?

1:30:38 Caller Really. All right.

1:30:41 Adam Do Germans have lobsters?

1:30:44 Drew Yes, in this day and age.

1:30:45 Adam Didn't they round them up and try to... Oh, that's a choose. Damn it. I always do that. Okay, so now wait a second.

1:30:54 Drew It has a Floridian feel to it, doesn't it? But the Bleeding to Death party, nobody would bleed to death after a lobster snip.

1:31:00 Adam That's how my dad went.

1:31:01 Drew I know, but it was in Florida.

1:31:03 Adam All right, but here's the point. Wouldn't we have heard of this if it was in Florida?

1:31:07 Drew Of course.

1:31:08 Adam But it could be made up. Okay, so we're going Germany?

1:31:10 Tenacious D I was going Germany on my mind, yeah.

1:31:11 Tenacious D I'm saying made up Germany.

1:31:13 Adam Made up Germany. We're going bogus Germany. No, it's Florida. No, but that's bogus. Now, a pox on you and your false stories. All right, let's keep moving here. Speak to Angela. Angela? Yeah. You're 22.

1:31:31 Caller 22.

1:31:32 Adam What's up?

1:31:33 Caller I have an ex-boyfriend and we hadn't talked for like four years. And just recently we started talking. He's in the Marines stationed over by you guys in California.

1:31:43 Drew Pendleton?

1:31:45 Caller Pendleton, yep. So I'm wondering, like I started to like get feelings for him over the phone. Over the phone, yeah, I know it sounds weird, but I don't know.

1:31:54 Drew Well, no way, but there's a reason he's talking to you, too, though.

1:31:56 Adam Why is he talking to you?

1:31:57 Caller I don't know, like maybe he's got to have some feelings left.

1:32:01 Adam Yeah, when exes get on the blower and start talking for a while, it usually means there's some interest there.

1:32:07 Drew Yeah, he's interested.

1:32:07 Adam Unless he's still got his futon or something. Still have his futon?

1:32:12 Caller Futon, no.

1:32:13 Drew Catcher's glove, catcher's mitt, softball?

1:32:15 Adam Nothing. Nothing over there that he wants?

1:32:17 Tenacious D All right, he's in you.

1:32:20 Drew We think he's kind of interested in it. It's a sign.

1:32:21 Caller It's a sign?

1:32:23 Drew Yeah.

1:32:24 Caller So when he gets back, I should tell him how I feel and get to know him.

1:32:27 Drew Maybe even before. I would sort of set it up a little bit.

1:32:31 Adam He's out in Los Angeles.

1:32:33 Drew He's a Pendleton.

1:32:34 Adam He's coming back or San Diego or wherever the hell it is. He's coming back at the end of this month.

1:32:41 Drew I'd set it up before he gets, because when he gets home, he's going to be distracted. He's walking home. You set it up, let him have a little expectation built on the homecoming.

1:32:47 Adam Right. Did he see any action? What did he do?

1:32:51 Caller He was just over there working.

1:32:53 Caller He didn't get to go over to Iraq or anything.

1:32:55 Adam No, he didn't. So he didn't get to.

1:32:58 Tenacious D He didn't meet any Iraqis in.

1:33:00 Caller No, he didn't.

1:33:01 Adam You make up a big sign that says, welcome home, coward.

1:33:08 Caller He's the one that wants to go over there, though.

1:33:11 Adam I know, but all the guys who don't get to go say that. That's sort of, let me at him and then hold me back.

1:33:15 Drew And I don't think he's going to work.

1:33:18 Adam Yeah, we feel good about this.

1:33:19 Caller Thank you.

1:33:20 Adam All right, we give it a blessing.

1:33:22 Caller OK, thank you.

1:33:25 Adam Hey, by the DVD, by the way, the Tenacious DVD.

1:33:29 Caller I will totally do that.

1:33:31 Tenacious D It's a wonderful homecoming gift.

1:33:33 Adam Times. Oh, yeah, military guys eat that kind of.

1:33:36 Tenacious D Oh, they love it.

1:33:36 Adam They love it. The younger, the more in the Marines, especially 17, 18 year old guys. Love that kind of humor. All right, we're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:46 Caller Here it is. Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline.

1:33:54 1-877-889-DATE. So get your problems ready.

1:34:13 Caller It's Loveline, yeah.

1:34:15 Adam All right, gotta give some quick thanks. I wanna thank Tara, Don't Call Me Tara, god damn it, for doing a great job on the phones, and Brian for doing a great job on the phones, and Engineer Anderson, and Engineer Ken, who's filling in tonight, Engineer Chris, out here, Junior, Producer Lauren, and Producer Ann for putting her feminine stink on the show, and booking top names like Tenacious D, and then next week with Lincoln Park, Cypher Seale, Papa Roach, and Triumph Theater. It's big.

1:34:48 Drew That's why we're here every night.

1:34:49 Adam Five nights. We have to do it because of the talent that rolls through here. All right. So until next time, thank you very much, guys.

1:34:56 Tenacious D Thanks for having us.

1:34:57 Tenacious D Can we sing you a theme song that we've been working on for a long time?

1:35:00 Adam Yeah.

1:35:00 Tenacious D Should we bust it out?

1:35:01 Adam We got about 10 seconds.

1:35:02 Tenacious D You ready?

1:35:03 Tenacious D Yeah.

1:35:03 Love, love, love, if you've got a problem and you want to go.

1:35:11 Tenacious D We didn't work up a song. It was awful.

1:35:13 Drew Next time.

1:35:14 Adam All right, next time, guys. So until next time, Sam McCrawler for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:22 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Andy Gold, Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, November 6, 2003