Episode 1000579417616

1:08 Adam Dr. Drew, board-certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Oh, yeah.

1:13 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:14 Adam Triumph, the insult... I swear that's driving me nuts. Ann, what word is missing from that Triumph, the insult dog? And I don't mean it like in a sarcastic way, I just mean it.

1:26 Drew The comic insult dog.

1:27 Adam Is there a word comic in there or there's something... There's a speed bump in there. Can you figure out what it is?

1:34 Drew Look up the web?

1:35 Adam Yeah. Figure that out.

1:38 It's Triumph, the insult comic dog.

1:40 Drew Oh, comic. Insult comic dog.

1:41 Adam Right, right. Lincoln Park is going to be in here on Tuesday. Cypress Hill. Words missing from Cypress Hill. Oh yeah, weed. Papa Roach is going to be in here on Thursday. It's a full week. Oh yes. And tonight, well, the only guest on the show is the love that the two hosts find between each other.

2:06 Drew Which was kindled and sort of boiled to a perfect temperature as on our lovely drive to Yorba Linda.

2:13 Adam Oh man.

2:14 Drew And our two hour drive home.

2:16 Adam Yeah. Door to door. Well, yesterday we did our, we did the calendar signing for the flagship station out here in Los Angeles, which they always get, they have these things comically further and further away from where all the on air staff lives each year and not forget just the on air guys, everybody. I mean, here's the thing, a radio station, radio station is a little bit like a high school in that the people that work there or go there sort of live around there. For the most part. No one commutes from San Diego or Santa Barbara. People live in the general vicinity of the radio station.

2:57 Drew It's a job. You got to come in and do it.

2:59 Adam But you do. You come here on off hours, you spend a lot of time here and like any job and radio people are way too stupid to do that thing where you buy the house that you can afford out of town. They would rather rent for a thousand years next to where they where they work. I don't blame them. But the point is long hours, two, three hours a day that we have to drive while I'm talking about the staff. Everyone's got to schlep to hell and back to do the sound or calendar signings every year because they get further and further away. But this year was the coup de gras. I mean, from time I left my house, I had about an hour, 45 minutes in the car each way. Drew and I got lost both ways. Did we get lost on the way out?

3:41 Drew We got lost getting to my house.

3:43 Adam We got lost going to Drew's house. Then we got lost on the way back. But that's all right. Plenty of stimulating conversation. And let me say this, and this probably came up in the cars we were carpooling out there, which is the weather.

3:58 Drew Imagine that. Us discussing the weather.

4:01 Adam These goddamn weathermen saying and promising it's going to rain on Friday and Saturday. Oh, man. Look out. They say it like they're hyping a pay-per-view fight, you know what I mean?

4:13 Drew Storm watch. Storm watch.

4:14 Yeah. Oh, look out.

4:16 Adam Uh-oh. Batten down the hatches, everybody. And I'm always working on something that is going to be affected by the rain. So, uh-oh, get the tarp out, get the plastic out, get the sandbags out, take care of it, cover it up, buckle it down, and then no rain. Son. Here's all I want. All I want is an apology. That's all I want is all I want is an apology. And here's the other thing I want with these guys, this five-day forecast, this farce of a five-day forecast. Like you retards could figure out the next 12 hours, you're going 100 hours into the future, 110 hours, no, 20 hours, yes? Yeah. Yeah. Please, who are you kidding? Now here's what I'd like to do with the forecast. I want, now here's all I want out of life, Drew. I want everyone to earn whatever the rank is. Like I said, the city, I don't go for the names. You know, Hawaiian Gardens, you're not Hawaiian Gardens. You're number 833.

5:12 Drew Or a number.

5:12 Adam Yeah. That's your number. You have to work your way up. Here's what I want the weathermen, guy who's super accurate and prognosticates in the past and has been successful four, five, six days, he can do a five day forecast. You other a-holes who can't figure out what's going on tomorrow morning, you get a five hour forecast. That's as far as you can go.

5:34 Drew Or maybe just a description of what's happening now.

5:36 Adam You tell us what's happening this second. In the studio, not even outside the studio, you're that bad. That's all I want you, you pussies to do. I just want you to go, it's 72 degrees. We have the thermostat set to 72. Chuck's hair looks great. Back to you, Chuck and Connie.

5:54 Drew Do we need to get apologies from all these guys or just one will satisfy you?

5:57 Adam I would like an apology from all LA weathermen who never ever get anything right. The only time they're right is when something's already happened, like when there's fires. Stuff's on fire. They do their explanations. They're always wrong. They don't apologize, by the way, and they should be apologizing because it screws people up. It really does. When on a Wednesday you say brace yourself for a big storm this weekend, you brace yourself for a big storm.

6:25 Drew You plan your free time accordingly, right?

6:27 Yes. Yes.

6:29 Adam And you start making provisions and pulling stuff out, putting covering stuff up. And like I said, that soccer game that you had planned for Saturday, you may cancel on Thursday. I just want an apology and the other thing I want is you get a rank. You've got to earn the right to give the five day forecast. And most the LA guys really couldn't go further than 12 to 14 minutes into the future. Like the LA and maybe LA is just, maybe this is just sort of Darwin's rain gutter as far as weathermen go, maybe because we have no farms and we have no real weather that we just end up with a bunch of pretty boys who don't really care about the year round tans and the cute names who don't really do anything. They must have weathermen and other, you know, Iowa must have, Wyoming, these places must have weathermen that are more substantial than ours, right? Do we need weathermen? By the way, what's going on? Who decided we needed this? Let me ask you this, Drew.

7:26 Drew Well, the weather is late night, early morning clouds, clear by noon.

7:33 Adam What is the obsession this town has with weather, by the way?

7:36 Drew Well, look at you, that's all you talk about.

7:39 Adam I only talk about it because they're wrong all the time.

7:43 Drew And it makes us, well, OK, here's what I'm saying.

7:46 Adam Do we need a goddamn weathercast every 14 minute break on the morning radio?

7:51 Drew No, no, no, no, no.

7:53 Adam Do we need that?

7:53 Drew No.

7:54 Adam We need to check around town, Santa Monica is 72, Yorba Linda is 71, Van Nuys coming in at 68. Are you kidding me?

8:05 Drew Right.

8:06 Adam What? What do you think we're doing? You think we're sitting at home going, Yorba Linda is 71, I'm going to take a windbreaker. Oh, wait a minute, Van Nuys, 68, I'm going to bring a pull over. No, a card again. Oh, wait, Christ, what do I do? How about I get my car and shut the goddamn door and put the temperature on whatever I want it on? What do you think we do? You think we're all roofers? We think we just go, we go to work, we climb up on the roof and strip down. Well, hey, whatever the elements are, Drew, that's what's going to have to get us. Now, or do you just walk in your office? Here's the whole thing, too, in LA. You work in an office, it's 71. If it's 130 outside, it's 71. If it's minus 150 outside, it's 71. It's pretty much the same thing. If it's going to rain, you bring an umbrella. I don't need the individual weather things everywhere.

9:01 Drew It's different in parts of the country.

9:03 Adam In other parts of the country, but we don't need it here.

9:06 Drew You're right.

9:06 Adam You know what it is?

9:07 Drew I think we just do it because everyone else does it in other parts of the country.

9:09 Adam You know what we do? This is like when a 10, when an 11-year-old girl wants to go with her older sister bra shopping. You don't need one. Stay at home. You want to pretend. We want to pretend like we got weather. Hey, I bet we'd have weather if we had weathermen reporting the weather every 10 seconds. Yeah, even if every day it's 72. No, we don't have weather here.

9:31 Drew I wonder if Hawaii has weathermen.

9:32 Adam I'm sure.

9:34 Drew You know, because it is the same every day there. No matter what.

9:36 Adam Yeah, maybe they don't. Hawaiians are too dumb. I don't think they have any, they can't figure out barometric pressure. They don't know what that means.

9:44 Drew They have wind some days.

9:46 Adam They have some wind. Here's the problem with weather in Hawaii. There's a bunch of big words. And they can't handle big words over there because they're the world's dumbest people.

9:56 Drew Well, they handle big words, but they must have like three letters in them.

9:59 Adam Yeah, they handle big words, but it's gotta be the name of some fat chick or some drink. Yeah, they can't handle it. They don't do science. Hey, close your eyes, picture all the great Hawaiian scientists over there. They're retarded people. They stay on the island, they're inbred. Obviously, they're the dumbest people we have.

10:21 Drew I have met some smart South Pacific people.

10:23 Adam No.

10:23 Drew Not from, not who live there.

10:25 Adam Oh yeah, people are smart enough to move. Yeah, think about, think about the, everyone close your eyes, think about the amazing contributions the Hawaiian scientific community has made over the years. Cheers. They're stupid people.

10:46 Drew Yeah, let's hear from them. Let's hear from them, if they're listening. I'd be interested to hear what they have to say.

10:51 Adam Otherwise, they can't, first off, they don't know how to dial the phone, they can't call, they don't know what they're doing. They just hit you with their big calves, that's all. They're stupid people. They're really, they're really, we should really start bringing some of them because they're strong, they're a sturdy breed. All right, look, we don't need weather.

11:11 Drew Here you go, phone call, 10 minutes for the phone call.

11:12 Adam We don't need weather. We don't need weather. We don't need weather, right?

11:16 Drew And so they should immediately begin sort of disphase it out or creating some of the sort of entertainment value in what they're doing.

11:22 Adam Well, I would like a little more sports and a little less weather, for instance, or just a little more of the show, whatever that show is and get rid of the weather. And you need to know the sprinkling of, you need to know it's a two and a half degrees separates Hollywood and Glendora every goddamn day.

11:40 Drew Here we go.

11:41 Adam All right, all right, I just, I don't like those people. I gotta work myself up. Melanie?

11:46 Yeah?

11:47 Adam You're 17?

11:48 Caller Uh-huh.

11:49 Adam What's up?

11:50 Caller Well, every time I like have sex with my boyfriend, which we have sex like four days a week, I hurt immensely. I mean, give an hour ago and we had sex and I'm in pain.

12:03 Drew How long did you have sex for?

12:07 Caller About 30 minutes.

12:08 Drew Did you use a condom? You could be reacting to the condom, perhaps?

12:13 Caller No, even if we don't use one, it hurts really bad.

12:18 Adam 30 minutes of straight humping?

12:20 Caller Yeah.

12:21 Drew That's pretty long.

12:23 Caller Yeah.

12:23 Drew Is there... Yeah, but maybe you're going too long.

12:29 Caller Sometimes it varies though, because he'll go like for like 10 minutes, then I'll go for like, you know, 30.

12:34 Drew And in either case, you hurt?

12:37 Caller Yeah, in either case, I hurt.

12:39 Drew And is it the pain afterwards or during?

12:41 Caller Sometimes both.

12:45 Adam Same pain with 10 minutes as is with 30 minutes.

12:48 Caller Yeah.

12:49 Drew And is it immediately upon initiation of sex or is it come later in the act?

12:53 Caller Later in the act.

12:56 Drew You lubricate normally?

12:59 Caller I mean, we try a lot of stuff, but it's just over and over again. It just hurts really bad. And then I can't have sex for another, you know, two days because I'm hurting.

13:06 Adam Two whole days.

13:08 Drew How dare you?

13:09 Adam 17. Oh, let me see how long I was able to go. Two years.

13:14 Drew Jesus Christ.

13:15 Adam All right. Drew, what?

13:17 Drew Have you had a pelvic exam recently? Have you had a pelvic exam recently? All right. You need to get checked.

13:25 Adam Boy, this is one of those 17-year-olds that sounds like she's in 31, 32.

13:31 Drew Have you ever had a pelvic exam?

13:33 Caller Yeah, I have before, like a year ago.

13:35 All right.

13:37 Drew So it's time to do that again. You know, I don't know. It'd be nice if you could sort of go in when you're having the symptoms so they can look and see if there's some...

13:44 Adam Well, a doctor can have sex with you.

13:46 Caller Well, I mean, I've never had this pain before with another guy and I have been with two other guys.

13:50 Drew Do you want to give us any hints about this guy that might help us understand? You could have come out with that at the beginning. That would have helped us, yeah?

14:01 Adam Well, all right. So there's that's incredibly huge.

14:06 Caller Well, yeah, I mean, compared. I mean, bigger than normal.

14:11 Adam Is is it is it the girth?

14:15 Caller Both length and girth.

14:17 Adam That's nice.

14:18 Caller Yeah, boy.

14:20 Adam And does he does he tell you to tell people? I would. OK. What do you think he is lengthwise?

14:30 Caller Lengthwise? Eight.

14:33 Adam Eight. Yeah, that's sound. That's sound. Well, he's a lot of man. So you're going to have to may not work. You got to manage him. Are you a big gal or small gal?

14:46 Drew Oh, my goodness.

14:47 Caller He's like something.

14:50 Drew Sometimes it doesn't work.

14:51 Adam His penis is like it's like a third.

14:54 Drew There could be an anatomical mismatch.

14:56 Adam Yeah.

14:57 Drew Boy, I don't know if any. Again, talk to the gynecologist. See if they have any solutions for that. I don't know of any offhand.

15:03 Adam Oh, also, well, plenty of lube and her sort of setting the pace and the sound like she's changing positions and things. Yeah, but.

15:13 Drew And also limit the time. Clearly, the longer the trauma, the more serious the trauma.

15:17 Right.

15:18 Adam All right. Let's talk to Noah. Noah.

15:21 Evening, guys.

15:23 Adam Good evening. You're twenty two.

15:24 Yeah. Long time listener. Second time calling. Here's the issue. I may be able to have a threesome pretty soon, but it might have to be with a guy. I don't really know how to feel about that.

15:35 Drew You're gay. Is that really a threesome at that point?

15:39 Well, I mean, my girlfriend. And I brought it up to her, but she kind of spun it around and suggested that maybe we involve another guy.

15:48 Adam No, no. Wait a second there. Noah, you brought up a threesome to your girlfriend of how long?

15:55 Caller We've been seeing each other for about a year.

15:57 Adam And she started to agree to it and then spun it around. And next thing you know, there was another penis in the mix.

16:04 Caller Yeah, well, I mean, I wasn't going to, you know, throw the idea out the window altogether. I mean, we've always been pretty open.

16:10 Drew Let me interpret that. I wasn't going to show my card and let her realize that I had no intentions of doing that.

16:16 Adam Do you have no intention of doing that?

16:18 Caller I don't think I do, but I want to get it back to where it's me and her and another girl. But this is that weird double standard, you know, and I don't know how to feel about it. So it's one of those.

16:30 Adam It's funny. I was I was I was thinking bogus. Thirty, thirty seconds or syllables into it. Drew was sort of rolling along with that. I sort of. Oh, you guys don't believe it? No, it's not there. It's just. Yeah.

16:46 Drew Sorry.

16:47 Adam No, it's not there. All right. Try again. I like.

16:52 Drew Here's the deal. If he loves if he likes this girl, if he wants relationship to survive, don't bring either a girl or another male into this.

16:59 Adam That's why I was like I like the I was like when we call. There's a few different reactions with the bogus. This is one is OK.

17:08 Drew If you say so.

17:09 Adam No, no, it's more that your loss kind of thing. And it's look, I understand. If someone is saying, listen, I'm going to. I got a ninety seven Porsche over here with low mileage. I'm going to sell it to you for four grand. It's in cherry condition. And you go, no, that's that's too good to be true. I'm not going to buy it on that. Then you go, OK, that's your decision. But when all we do is go to another call, it's like, oh, oh, we got burned.

17:42 Drew Oh, my God, we lose out on that.

17:44 Adam See, here's the whole thing about about the bogus call call for us. We will never know if it was truly bogus or not. But here's the trump card. We'll never care. You understand? We forget about it immediately. So you can't try to pull that. All right. See what you're missing out on. We're just missing out on a 22 year old with another stupid question. Guys, here's how we know it's bogus. A, the guy just his voice was hollow and wooden and just there wasn't anything to it.

18:17 Drew There was there was empty.

18:19 Adam Emotionally empty.

18:19 Drew There was also a momentum to it. There was a building to something. I could feel like he was excited to tell us something. There's something coming. Not what he was talking about, but something coming.

18:31 Adam No guy ever gets a threesome call spun around on him and then decides, wow, now it's a quandary. I shouldn't have brought it up now. I guess I'm going to have to blow this guy just before he dunks it in my girlfriend. Yeah. Well, what are you going to do?

18:47 Drew That's double standard.

18:48 Adam You roll the dice. Sometimes it comes up snake eyes. No, this has never happened. And girls, by the way, never do this anyway, unless they're horribly f'd up or they're just kidding with you.

18:58 Drew Well, sometimes.

19:04 Adam Ben?

19:05 Caller Yeah.

19:06 Adam Twenty one.

19:07 Caller Yeah. I got a I got a Germany in Florida.

19:11 Adam It's Germany or Florida.

19:13 Caller Germany or Florida. Sorry.

19:14 Drew Although he does show an interesting.

19:16 Adam Hold on.

19:16 Drew I wonder if there ever would be a Germany and Florida. That would be interesting.

19:20 Adam Drew. Yeah. You're supposed to shut up during the theme song. Go ahead, Anderson. Sorry.

19:29 Drew I actually like Adams better.

19:30 I do, too.

19:31 Drew Adam, play Adams, please.

19:32 We'll find a good one, though.

19:34 Drew But play Adams in the meantime.

19:35 Adam Yeah.

19:36 Drew Here we go.

19:42 That's better.

19:43 Adam It's nice. Yeah. The other one was, what was that? Paulina?

19:48 Drew Well, Annabella.

19:50 Adam Annabelle. Oh, man. She was wearing so much perfume. It was never get that true. Chicks wear that perfume.

19:56 Drew You can't breathe.

19:57 Adam And let me tell you something else, ladies. Somebody wear that perfume. Let me tell you something about guys with our perfume. We like our perfume like you like your booze. You know, you like just the sweet, fruity, it tastes good. It's simple. It's crap. It goes down easily to us. It's crappy. But to you, it's good because you don't have sophisticated taste and you can't handle some single malt scotch or something. That's how we are with our perfume. Don't outsmart yourself with this androgynous crap that smells like a yak's ass. Just get something that smells a little fruity. This is something nice and we're good. We're good with it. Am I right, Drew?

20:35 Drew Yeah, you know, they do.

20:36 Adam Let me tell you, chicks, they get that waxy stuff. It smells waxy. I don't know what it is, but just get the cheap stuff that smells. You know what? Nothing better than a little floral scent.

20:49 Drew Easy, easy.

20:50 Adam We like to smell, we like a chick to smell like a bathroom has just been sprayed. This is a little lilacs, nothing, a little flower.

20:56 Drew Easy.

20:57 Adam Easy. You don't want sophisticated.

21:00 Drew We don't want perfume.

21:01 Adam But we are.

21:02 Drew We don't want to smell, but we don't want it to smell like perfume.

21:06 Adam We don't want to beat over the head with it, but like I said, We want it to smell like a bathroom. We are to the perfume, which you guys are to the booze. We want a wine cooler. You understand? We don't want Chateau Lafite. It's dry. It's nutty. It's assertive without being pushy. We don't want any of that. Just give me the cheap crap. Let's get drunk. Ben.

21:26 Caller OK. All right. There's a guy. This guy weighed about 400, 450 pounds and he lived on his couch in his living room. The only time he would ever get up is to do his business. But like go nuke a hungry man or some bratwurst or something.

21:41 Drew No, don't don't show it. Maybe try to misdirect us.

21:44 Adam Interesting. He did say hungry man. Oh, he covered with the bratwurst.

21:48 Drew I see. Hungry man or bratwurst. Got it.

21:50 Caller Whatever he wanted to eat. So basically just eat or do his business. For his own protection, he kept a gun kept underneath a cushion in the couch. One day he sat up on the couch and somehow the gun was angled up, went off and shot him in the ass and killed him.

22:04 Adam That's Florida.

22:06 Drew And that's it. That's the story.

22:07 Caller That's it.

22:08 Adam That is Florida.

22:09 Drew Yeah, it sounds Florida to me, too. What do you got?

22:12 Caller It's Florida.

22:14 Drew All right.

22:14 Adam Thank you.

22:15 Drew Thank you, Ben. Good job.

22:16 Adam Nice try.

22:17 Drew How did you get Florida out of that? So so strongly.

22:20 Adam Morbid obesity.

22:21 Drew Yeah, that's yeah.

22:22 Adam Mixed with, you know, just hunkered down on the sofa, mixed with gun on this. The morbid obesity in the firearms is a Florida. Yeah. That's that's a backbone of Florida. Morbid obesity meets firearms, meets lethargy. That should be on. I don't know what the I don't know what they have. An animal.

22:44 Drew Welcome to Florida.

22:46 Adam Welcome to Florida. Now take a nap. Love will come to Florida. Here's a gun and a and a waffle. Yeah. That should their flag should be a pistol with a waffle around it.

22:59 Drew Oh, yes.

23:01 Adam Nice.

23:01 Drew All right.

23:02 Adam Should we take a break, Drew?

23:03 Drew Yeah, please.

23:04 Adam Drew, what am I or what are we on these Germany or Florida's near?

23:09 Drew It's got to be like 96 percent, right?

23:12 Adam It seems like it's over 90 percent. And most of them don't have anything that they're clearly.

23:18 Drew They clearly tells us the culture.

23:19 Adam Yeah. Once in a while, something will steer you one direction or another particular piece of transportation or food or a currency or something. There's something, but none of them are overwhelming. No, they don't get they don't hit you over the head with it.

23:32 Drew And here's the deal. No one's coming up with Iowa or Wisconsin.

23:37 Adam No, no, you can't find any of that.

23:38 Drew Right.

23:39 Adam Germany or Florida. But believe me.

23:40 Drew And by the way, people could try to stump us with other places.

23:44 Adam No.

23:45 Drew No?

23:47 Adam No. No, the game wouldn't be called Germany or Florida.

23:50 Drew No, because then we could say neither. Neither could be an option. We go, wait a minute. That's not Germany or Florida.

23:56 Adam You're really, you're really treading on some pretty dangerous ground here, OK? We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

24:05 Drew Hello.

24:12 Caller Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll free 1-866-344-KNOW. Loveline.

24:40 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Love Line. On the phone, number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-- Dr. Drew, Boar Survives, that's it. Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog will be in here tomorrow night. That's Robert Smeigel, very funny guy, very creative, very innovative. He'll be in tomorrow night. Lincoln Park, Tuesday night. Cypress Hill, Wednesday night, and Thursday, Papa Roach.

25:07 All right, ready to get back the phones here, Drew? Michelle?

25:12 Hello?

25:13 Adam You're 18?

25:14 Caller Yep.

25:15 Adam What's up?

25:15 Caller Yeah, I was calling to ask if my rehab program is actually effective.

25:22 Adam No.

25:23 Drew What do you mean by that?

25:25 Caller Well, okay, so I've been going there for two weeks and it's all good, but every time, like people who have relapsed keep telling me that if I can, if I like stay, it'll work for me.

25:38 Drew Yeah, have you relapsed?

25:40 Caller Yes, actually, yeah.

25:41 Drew All right, well, if you can't stay sober in a lower level of care, that's the time to step it up. Okay. You have to go inpatient. If you can't maintain, obviously, maintaining abstinence is the first order of business and if you're engaging in treatment but still drinking, that ain't working. Okay, gotta go. Can I say something? What? You gotta go inpatient. You probably will need to go to sober living after that. Go ahead and say something. Well, then what about a sober living while you're in the outpatient program? That's usually about $800 a month.

26:11 Caller What?

26:12 Drew Sober living is usually about $800 to $1200 a month.

26:15 Caller Okay.

26:16 Drew That includes food and you can go there while you're going, you can stay there in that structured environment while you're going to the outpatient program.

26:23 Adam What's that sober living work? What's the difference between inpatient and sober living?

26:27 Drew Inpatient is a hospital. There's an inpatient residential, an inpatient hospital, and hospital is a 24 hour full service center where people are monitored medically and there's full psychiatric services and there's a lot in high degree of structure. And presumably she would detox and get through a few days there and then try again at the outpatient program. But really it sounds like a better idea for you is just to go straight into a sober living, which is just a place she goes at night with other people with this disease. And adds more structure so you're not as prone to relapse.

26:56 Adam Hey, what's your booze of choice? What do you like?

27:02 Drew 18. Quaint.

27:04 Quaint.

27:05 Adam That's an interesting booze for an 18 year old chick. Gin, you know, you think of a Winston Churchill. Fat, limey with a cigar, you know, in the 60s.

27:17 Caller Yeah.

27:18 Adam Hollywood in the 30s. Gin, how'd you get on the gin? There's gotta be a story behind that.

27:24 Caller Behind gin, I really used to like the way it smelled but I couldn't stand the way it tasted. And then eventually like after not having any other choices, when I drained out all my other resources, I kinda had to resort to gin.

27:40 Drew You know, it's amazing.

27:42 Adam Living on some island with a Vendome on it, you just went through all the other boozes or something. Listen, I deplete my sources of red wine every night. I just go out and get another bottle. I don't have to move to gin and then eventually it's isopropyl and then it's a lighter fluid and eventually it's just cologne and it's like, it's just go out and buy more booze.

28:07 Drew She's 18 though.

28:08 Caller I don't have to pay for it, that's the thing. I'm lucky enough to have, my parents have just a room full.

28:15 Drew Oh boy.

28:15 Adam They have a booze cabinet?

28:17 Caller Yeah, no, not a cabinet, a room.

28:20 Drew And they know you're an alcoholic and they've not sort of emptied this out?

28:23 Caller Oh, they can't empty it out, but they've tried to hide the key. I'm just really good at finding it.

28:28 Adam How does a booze room work and where do you get these things?

28:31 And what the hell's wrong with that?

28:33 Adam How's this booze room work? What goes on over here?

28:36 Caller Well, you know, every month or so they'll stock it up and make sure that in case we have company, we're ready.

28:45 Adam So just like all of a sudden out of blue, like a 30 alcoholic show up, you're ready with, you got like 700 fifths of Johnny Walker and a bunch of-

28:56 Caller It's special circumstances, cause occasionally we'll have like a hundred people just come over.

29:02 Drew What should you say? Your dad's probably an ambassador or something.

29:04 Oh, a hundred people.

29:05 Caller All right.

29:07 Drew What, Michelle?

29:08 Caller Yeah. Right on the money.

29:10 Drew Oh, an ambassador.

29:14 Adam Did your parents do any booze in Drew?

29:15 Drew No, but there would be parties and stuff when I was around.

29:18 Adam They had booze?

29:19 Drew Yeah. Your parents didn't do anything, don't worry. But Michelle, her dad's an ambassador. Listen, a little love for picking that out of the sky.

29:27 Adam Yeah, Drew, that was pretty good.

29:30 Drew I want to find out what country is an ambassador.

29:32 Adam Well, okay. You said it sarcastically almost. Michelle, you still get love, but just not as much love. What country is your father ambassador of?

29:45 Drew Well, part of the world, so you don't tell us particularly.

29:47 Adam Who tells the country? No one knows ambassadors.

29:49 Caller Adam, I take offense for you not saying father.

29:52 Drew Oh, your mom's an ambassador, good for you. Congratulations, I like that. Nice.

29:58 Adam Yeah, but what, Florida, what country?

30:04 Caller It's a really tiny, tiny country in Africa.

30:08 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, and so is that-

30:10 Drew Principe?

30:11 Adam Well, let me ask this, Drew, what do you know?

30:14 Drew Just think of the tiniest countries I can think of.

30:16 Adam What, I'm trying to figure out the whole ambassador thing. Now, does that mean you're from that country and you're here as an ambassador? So that means you're an ambassador from that country as opposed to the ambassador to that country, which is a white guy who's over there, right?

30:33 Caller Living over there.

30:35 Adam What's that?

30:36 Caller It's a black guy. It's a black guy. Oh.

30:38 Drew For your country.

30:39 Adam That's boring. Send a black guy over there. You should send a white guy with like a Klansman hood on or something. I mean, so you really stand out.

30:47 Drew Do you have any brothers and sisters, Michelle?

30:49 Caller Yeah, I have two older sisters.

30:51 Drew Anybody else have alcoholism?

30:53 Caller My oldest sister is recovering. My father is, well, he just relapsed. And my, yeah, that's it.

31:04 Adam All right, I do like the booze room.

31:05 Drew Yeah, Michelle, you got to, you're gonna have, it's gonna be tough for you. You're living in an environment where there's a lot of alcohol. You're gonna have to probably be outside the home. Of course you're gonna relapse in that kind of an environment. And an 18 year old, probably best to be in an all women's program. Spend a good three months there. You sound like a smart person. You don't want to screw up the sort of trajectory of your life. And this is where that can happen. You end up, you know, this is people, you keep going with this and alcoholism can be very serious. Obviously you've seen it in your sister and your dad. And it may screw you up for good here.

31:35 Adam Plus, your mom has a very important job as ambassador to wherever Eddie Murphy was from in coming to America. I went to hell. Do we need ambassadors from these penny ante places too? We have to have ambassador for every country? What about these little crappy ones? We need one for these? We got to give them a nice place to live in, in a booze room? Here's my old thing. We'll take like the top 25 countries. Other than that, you're out.

32:02 Drew How do I pick ambassador?

32:03 Adam That's pretty good. No, but here's why, Drew, because you were saying it in jest to some degree.

32:09 Drew I was, sorry, a little bit sarcastic, but look, I was thinking Washington DC, a hundred people showing up. House has to handle a hundred people, a lot of alcohol. Michelle sounds smart.

32:18 Adam You said as an example.

32:19 Drew Yeah, yeah. But no, I thought diplomat. I mean, all the way I was thinking diplomat.

32:24 Well, yeah, it was good.

32:26 Adam Yeah, not as good as you think, but it was good.

32:30 Drew Not like picking out batting cage.

32:33 Adam We don't need ambassador for every country, that's what I'm saying. We just don't need it.

32:37 Drew I wanna know what country.

32:38 Adam Christina, you probably would have never heard of it.

32:41 Drew My kids study African geography and stuff.

32:43 Adam They do?

32:43 Drew Yeah.

32:44 Adam Make them stop. Christina?

32:46 Yeah.

32:47 Adam You're 20?

32:48 Caller Well, almost, yeah. I've been with my boyfriend for like, well, we're planning on getting married, but we've been together basically all our lives. I mean, like I moved to Tennessee from Florida when I was like 12 and that's when we met and we've been my best friends ever since.

33:07 Drew Oh boy. Something's in that story, I gotta tell you.

33:10 Caller Why?

33:12 Drew I don't know.

33:13 Caller Well, I mean, we've been like best friends always.

33:15 Drew I'm just wanting that immigration from Florida, how that went down.

33:20 Caller Oh, no, no, we just moved up here because we did. And I don't know, there wasn't even a real reason for that.

33:27 Drew Well, that explains it then. There's the story.

33:30 Adam They moved up because you did?

33:31 Caller Yeah, we didn't have a reason really. My aunt lived here, but then she moved back to Florida, so.

33:38 Adam By the way, let me just say this, moving to another state without a reason is worse than moving for a reason. That's Florida. That's bad, that's a bad sign.

33:50 Drew Only Floridians do that.

33:51 Adam That means you got nothing where you are or you're fleeing.

33:54 Drew I literally imagine like the immigration that like Lincoln's parents did in his time. They're sort of looking for land, looking for work.

34:00 Adam All right, so anyway, you went from Florida to Tennessee. And then what?

34:06 Caller And I was just, you know, a kid and I hated Tennessee and I met him and we were just like, we clicked. He's been my best friend ever since. But.

34:14 Drew How old was he when you were 12?

34:17 Caller He was 12.

34:17 Drew 39.

34:19 Caller I'm a month older than him actually.

34:20 Drew All right, that's good.

34:23 Caller So, you know, we ended up starting, well, he's always liked me, but I didn't like him. And, you know, we have dated other people and we've experienced with other people before. But then like two years ago, we decided that, you know, we wanted to be together. And, you know, things have been great. I mean, as far as like relationship wise, you know, we get along great and everything. But like, we're so busy, like both of us are in school full time. We both work, you know, 40 plus hours a week and we just like never have time for sex. And it just sounds stupid. But like never. Like we have sex like maybe once a month.

35:01 Adam What kind of school you go to? Yeah.

35:07 Drew Nashville?

35:09 Adam Is that a volunteer?

35:11 Caller No, that's in Knoxville. I go to John Nugent.

35:15 Drew Is that the name of the volunteers where the...

35:18 That's in Knoxville?

35:19 Drew I see.

35:21 Caller I go to the University of Tennessee.

35:23 Adam Is that the University of Tennessee?

35:25 Drew In Knoxville. It's just like there's a University of Alabama. There's a bunch of different universities in Alabama. I think they're Crimson Tires.

35:30 Adam What's the name of your team?

35:32 Caller The Mocs. You wouldn't know they suck real bad.

35:36 Drew The Mocs or the Moss?

35:38 Caller The Mocs, MOCS, you know, the really ugly birds.

35:42 Drew No, we don't.

35:43 Adam We don't have Mocs down here.

35:44 Caller That's exactly right.

35:45 Drew We have weathermen.

35:46 Caller We don't need to know.

35:46 Adam We have Mexicans. We got the Macs.

35:49 Caller We don't care about them. OK.

35:52 Drew Christina, you know, when a relationship gets to the point where the physical component is dying out at your age, it means something. Not that you're too busy.

36:03 Adam No, because let me say, when you're 20, if you guys end up in the same place every night, there will be humping.

36:10 Drew That's like saying I'm too busy to go to the bathroom. I just haven't gone in three weeks.

36:13 Adam At 20.

36:14 Drew Yeah.

36:15 Adam Yeah.

36:15 Drew Oh, your age, Adam.

36:17 Adam Of course. Of course. How dare you? How dare you, Drew? It's true. And we can all not all be men of supreme passion like you are. Infinite passion. But when you're 20, if you end up on the same futon at the end of a long day-

36:37 Drew With a female. Forget the one you really care about. That's even more if it's the one you care about.

36:42 Adam With something, yes. There will be sex. I'm not saying every day, but more than once a month.

36:48 Drew But these two are more like brother and sister. And that gets weird.

36:51 Adam And she's trying to talk herself out of it. Yeah.

36:54 Drew Well, actually, I just think it might work for a woman, but for a guy, it means something.

37:00 Adam It depends what kind of guy he is. Christina? All right, so, yeah.

37:05 Caller Like, probably like six months ago, I found out that I had interstitial psoriasis, and it was kind of a problem because it would hurt, like when we had sex, but I mean, like, I ended up going to the doctor and working things out with that. But it just seems like, I don't know, like when we do, it's great, it's not bad. I mean, like, you know, we both want each other, we both love each other, it just doesn't happen that often.

37:33 Drew Is there anything you should tell us about your history, any trauma or anything?

37:37 Caller No, not for me, you know, I mean, like, my life's been perfect. I mean, my parents are together. I've never been raped or anything.

37:44 Adam Never been raped?

37:46 Caller No.

37:47 Adam Everyone's getting raped these days.

37:48 Caller I know.

37:49 Adam Squaresville, baby. Squaresville.

37:52 Caller I feel like a minority.

37:55 Adam And the part that troubles me is the part where you move from Florida to Tennessee for no good reason.

38:00 Drew That's what we thought. There was more story.

38:03 Adam So your dad wasn't firing a gun out of the back of his car while you were leaving Florida?

38:09 Caller No, he's a retired cop. He was a cop up there for 22 years.

38:13 Adam Oh, that's bad.

38:14 Drew Why did he leave? Why did he leave?

38:16 Caller He got hurt on the job and he had to retire early.

38:20 Drew Back pain.

38:20 Adam Back pain?

38:22 Caller His knee actually. He has like nothing left in his knee and he's almost crippled.

38:28 Drew He's what? Almost crippled. Almost crippled.

38:32 Adam All right. Listen, maybe there's more pieces to this puzzle.

38:35 Drew I'm still smelling pain medicines.

38:36 Adam We don't have enough time to put them together. Right.

38:38 Drew Dad's taking a lot of pain pills.

38:39 Adam Christina, Dad takes a lot of pain pills. Yeah.

38:43 Caller Yeah. That's why he also got cancer and so he almost died. I mean.

38:48 Drew Wait, what kind of cancer again?

38:50 Caller He had lung cancer and prostate cancer.

38:53 Drew Wow.

38:55 Adam Christina. Here's the thing. Don't get married too quick to this guy.

39:01 Drew Yeah.

39:01 Adam Nothing in it for you.

39:02 Drew It may not be right. It may not be what you think it is. Not a bad idea. And by Loveline standards, we should be endorsing this, frankly.

39:10 Adam We should, but we don't endorse any 20 year old marriages.

39:13 Drew Yeah. That's, and especially one that's passionless. Passionless marriage in their 20s. What you're in the 40s imagine what that's gonna be like. Just be angry with each other.

39:23 Adam Just start yelling at each other for not using coasters.

39:25 Drew Right.

39:26 Adam That's it. Yeah.

39:28 Drew That's how that happens.

39:29 Adam Is that what happens? Yeah. All right. Hey, good times. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

39:59 All righty.

40:00 Adam Let's get to the phones, huh, buddy? Help them kids.

40:04 I was talking about booze.

40:07 Adam My family is even too lazy to booze.

40:10 Drew They smoke pot, though, interestingly.

40:12 Adam My mom would smoke pot. Now, what do you think my dad was into?

40:17 Drew Walking.

40:18 Adam Yeah, just, cigarettes? Booze? Pot, coke? Like a weird stump porn or? No. He wasn't into anything that involved movement. And all those things involved moving.

40:33 Caller Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

40:35 Adam It takes a little energy to like get a cork out of a bottle.

40:38 Caller Yeah.

40:39 Adam Look at my dad, my dad, if you would open my dad's cupboards, like when it is house and stuff, you wouldn't have found no Playboys. Oh, for Christ's sake, not, not a beer, not one beer in the fridge, not open the coverage. You couldn't, couldn't find, you know, half bottle of Smirnoff that was in there in case, you know, somebody brought some chick home, want to make her a screwdriver or something. Just, just wasn't anything. So it was weird, isn't it? Now, as an adult, I look back on, you know, when you're, when you're nine, all right, so what? But now it's, it's kind of weird when you look back on it. Hey, but good times. I'll tell you what, it's good times. Chris. Chris. Chris.

41:22 Drew I hear him.

41:22 Adam Chris.

41:23 Now we're going to put him. Gonna put him back on hold. I want to take another, take this one.

41:38 Drew DeShell.

41:39 Adam DeShell? What's up, DeShell?

41:42 What's happening?

41:44 Caller Oh, hello? Yep. Okay. No, I'm not sexually attractive to my boyfriend.

41:53 Drew Why is he your boyfriend?

41:54 Adam Oh, wait a minute. You're saying you're not sexually attracted to him or you're not sexually attractive to him?

42:00 Caller No, I'm not sexually attracted to him.

42:03 Adam Okay, you're not into him.

42:04 Drew How old is he?

42:06 Caller He's 14.

42:07 Adam He's 14.

42:08 Drew 14, I'm not sure you're supposed to be sexually attracted particularly.

42:11 Caller Oh, well. No, I'm sexually attracted to everybody else.

42:14 Adam Yeah.

42:14 Drew But do you act on that?

42:16 Caller Sometimes, seldomly.

42:19 Adam Well, now what grade are you in, Deshaun?

42:20 Caller The ninth.

42:22 Adam Ninth grade. Ninth grade girls are sexually attracted to guys. Doesn't necessarily mean they have sex with them. It just means they're hot for them.

42:29 Drew Right, are you having sex with your boyfriend?

42:32 Caller No, I won't sleep with him.

42:34 Drew Have you ever had sex with anybody?

42:36 Caller Yeah.

42:37 Drew Other guys, not your boyfriend?

42:39 Caller Mm-hmm.

42:40 Drew Why is he your boyfriend?

42:41 Caller Oh, he's pretty.

42:44 Adam He's good looking?

42:45 Caller Yeah, he's got pretty eyes and he's sexy.

42:49 Drew But you're not sexually attracted to him?

42:51 Caller Yeah, he treats me nice and stuff like that. I'm just not sexually attracted to him.

42:55 Drew Even though you say he's sexy.

42:56 Adam Are you, do other girls think he's handsome?

42:59 Caller Yeah.

43:00 Adam Then maybe that's why you're into him?

43:02 Drew Well, here's the deal.

43:03 Adam Uh-oh.

43:05 Drew Any time you actually have an opportunity for a relationship, you're gonna sabotage that. The only kind of person you can tolerate being with is someone who doesn't want to be with you, who you can only have a sort of a very superficial relationship with. And I suspect there are reasons for that. So, you shouldn't be, it sounds like you shouldn't be trying to have a relationship right now because you're not capable of it.

43:25 Adam Where's your dad? Is he around?

43:29 What happened?

43:30 Drew What were the guys like that came through?

43:34 Caller What did you ask?

43:35 Adam What were the guys? Did your mom remarry?

43:38 Caller No, not yet. But any other any of the other guys are just kind of jerks.

43:44 Adam Jerky guys that your mom was dating.

43:47 Drew Any of them sexually abuse you?

43:50 Caller I mean, I was sexually abused when I was a kid, but I don't really remember who it was.

43:55 Adam Well, how do you know you were sexually abused?

43:57 Caller Because, like, I was taken to the doctor that one day and it was all bruised up down there and they didn't know what happened. But I don't remember who it was.

44:05 Adam But it was one of your mom's buddies?

44:08 Caller Most likely.

44:10 Adam All right. So that's all bad thing. All right, Dachelle.

44:13 Caller Yeah.

44:13 Adam I'm gonna, as you know, I'm a genius. Yes. Yes. And you're 14, so I'm a super genius. Anyone who's 17 should be considered a genius to you. Now listen to me. There's gonna be, you're smart and you're sharp and you're mature, but you're gonna screw your life up as badly as your mom screwed her life up. If you keep hanging out with these bad guys, and especially if they get you pregnant. You understand?

44:44 Drew So no pregnancy, first of all.

44:46 Adam A, no pregnancy, B, no pregnancy, and C, no pregnancy. And then D, no pregnancy. I'm totally fine. Okay, okay. And number two or three or wherever we're at, you're 14. I know you've been through a lot. I know you've seen a lot. Try to be 14 for a little while. You know what I mean? I know it's hard. Don't grow up too fast.

45:06 Drew And don't, maybe not a relationship right now. You're not capable of. Intimacy is very, very threatening to you right now.

45:11 Adam And the fact that you don't like this guy sexually is probably a reason why you should stay with him.

45:16 Drew That means-

45:16 Adam Because he's a decent guy and he's treating you right. And that doesn't flip your cookie because you're screwed up.

45:22 Drew You need to have the extreme arousal and negativity and these disavowed aspects of yourself because of the sexual abuse. So you can only sort of experience that through bad guys.

45:31 Adam And this, by the way, this thing, which I would have thought would have happened once every 70 years, this, you know, the boyfriend taking a pass at the seven-year-old daughter of the chick he's dating happens far too often, but it's bizarre to me, you know? I mean, I look, you know, I'm an atheist and I'm as weird as the next guy. And I perfectly understand that impulse that if you're dating, you know, some woman and she's 45 and she has a hot little 19-year-old daughter who seems to be warming up to you, that's a different thing. That, it lacks boundaries, but it's, I understand it, depending on what the 19-year-old looks like. It's all based on what people look like. You see what I'm saying? Now, well, I guess if the seven-year-old is hot, no, no, no, not even that. But here's my point. When you come in and you're dating a woman and she's 31 and she has the seven-year-old and you're like, yeah, I'd like to break off a piece of that. Well, what does that even mean? I know. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, I got a job, I work for UPS. We got a decent relationship. Me and Thelma do all day. Like I bang your seven-year-old every once in a while. Like, what does that even mean? Like, I don't know what that is. Are you a heterosexual and you like a little six-year-old tail every once in a while?

46:59 Caller Or what does that mean?

47:00 Adam Or you just get drunk and you just do whatever? You know what I mean? I get loaded nightly. I don't want to put my thumb up a seven-year-old. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:10 All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal. Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

47:17 Call the Dateline.

47:18 Adam The Dateline.

47:18 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:25 Love Line with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

47:26 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

47:38 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. 1-800-5-ALTERNATIVE. Let's go.

47:56 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog, in here tomorrow night. That's Robert Smigel. Super creative, super funny guy. Does the cartoons on Saturday Night Live. Sexually ambiguous duo. Fun with audio, and had the show on Comedy Central, the animal show, Real Animals and Puppet Animals. Co-mingling. TV Funhouse.

48:29 Caller Okay, sure. All right, buddy.

48:32 Adam Because you know about SpongeBob, right?

48:34 Drew Know about that. All about that.

48:37 Adam Drew only knows what his kids have. Sure, Patrick.

48:40 Drew Mr. Crab.

48:41 Adam Mr. Crab.

48:42 Drew Crabby Patties. Sure, Crabby Patties.

48:44 Adam Lincoln Park and Cypress Hill and Popper Road.

48:47 Caller Mr. Crab.

48:49 Adam Mr. Crab.

48:53 Caller Mr. Crab.

49:05 Caller Mr. Crab.

49:07 Adam Mr. Crab.

49:07 Caller Mr. Crab. Mr. Crab.

49:08 Caller Mr. Crab.

49:09 Caller Mr. Crab.

49:09 That's fine.

49:09 Caller Drew, as far as sexual compulsive-ity goes, my girlfriend is sexual compulsive, and she's also alcoholic. And I wanted to know, as far as the sexual compulsivity goes, is she addicted to oxytocin when it comes into the brain during sex?

49:28 Drew Well, it's an interesting question. Nobody knows.

49:31 Caller After the abstract and psychological and stuff.

49:33 Drew Well, oxytocin is a hormone released by your pituitary gland. And if you're a female, you tend to react to it. Some endorphin effect, but mostly a bonding influence. It's more the thrill effect of sex and the endorphin surge associated with it that people who are addicts are going for. So it really isn't the oxytocin. However, women that come to sexual compulsivity do usually come to it through love addiction, love and intimacy addiction. So your question is valid, but if she's a sexual compulsive, it also means that she probably was sexually abused when she was growing up. And is her alcoholism treated?

50:12 Caller No, she hasn't really, she's had problems with it, but she hasn't really gotten in any trouble.

50:18 Drew I like the way a seven-year-old guy won't sweat the details either.

50:21 Adam Just like, well, she's putting out, she's spreading her legs, that's all I know.

50:26 Caller I mean, she's kind of had trouble with it, but I mean, she hasn't gotten into a lot of like, she hasn't like gotten in trouble with the law or anything that would send her to any rehab.

50:35 Drew But she knows she's an alcoholic and she's aware that she's sexually compulsive. It's interesting.

50:39 Caller I know, but I'm not sure if she really believes it yet.

50:43 Drew Well, I talked about it. Has she had a therapist ever?

50:47 Caller No.

50:48 Drew That might be a way to start her out. It's just sort of guide her in that direction. It's gonna be tough. It's a progressive condition and boy, she may act out with other people as well as with you. So be careful.

50:58 Caller Be careful.

50:59 Drew Condoms, condoms, condoms.

51:00 Adam Good times. Hey, is phone screener Brian over there? See you working on the phones tonight.

51:08 Caller He, I don't know if he can hear me, if Anderson can hear me, but it struck me that the phone screener Brian drives a truck.

51:16 Adam Yeah. Yes. Hey Anderson, is phone screener Brian there tonight? Yes, he is. And is he driving his truck? All right. I would love, I'm going to give you $20 by the way, Brian, if you take our leather chairs and bring them over here tonight.

51:36 He can't hear you though, because he's not in the room.

51:39 Drew Anderson, you can give him that message.

51:40 Adam You can pass that to him.

51:42 Caller I'll do that, yeah.

51:42 Adam Yeah, tell him there's a nice crisp 20 spot in it for him if he can take our leather chairs and take them from, it's going to say Comedy Central, but Westwood One.

51:54 Drew He's been quite defiant.

51:55 He's refusing, actually.

51:57 Caller He says he's not going to work here anymore. He doesn't have a chair to sit in.

52:00 Drew He, they're sitting in the chairs. He said it's the only thing he has left here.

52:04 Adam Yeah, I'm sorry. And I'm, you know, I love.

52:08 Drew Let's look if, no, no, no.

52:10 Adam I love, I love Tara Dearly, as anyone who's listened to the show knows, like a sister. And I love Brian, like a sister as well. Like a chunky balding sister. I love that man.

52:21 Drew Not chunky anymore.

52:22 Adam He's such a dick, dude. No, he's, he's, he's not balding. No, he's, he's fit as a fiddle these days, by the way. And by the way, I know I sound like a prick. Soon as, soon as Drew moved out of there, Brian lost 30 pounds immediately. I don't know what that says about you, Drew.

52:38 Drew What does that mean?

52:39 Adam I don't know. Maybe you're putting pressure on the boy, he was eating to cope. I don't know what it was, but I don't think you should feel too good as a doctor that the second you leave the premises, the pounds melt away. But Brian's looking-

52:51 Drew Maybe he's depressed at our departure.

52:52 Adam Brian's rock solid. Oh, that's it. Maybe he took up heroin. Here's the point. We have to get chairs there for Westwood One or for you guys to use over there, but they can't be those because I made a vow to the person who was nice enough to send us those leather chairs many years ago that these would never fall into the hands of Westwood One. And in fact they have. And I'm gonna need those chairs. And if anyone at Westwood One wants to know where those chairs are, tell them Adam Carolla said to kiss his hairy ass, you cheap bastards. Go buy some goddamn chairs for your own crappy company. Thank you. So Brian, we're gonna need those tonight. Sorry buddy. Don't worry. Junior producer Lauren is gonna lobby for some new ergonomically designed chairs for you guys. And I'm sure those will be coming. I mean, she's like a bulldog once she sets her sights on something. So I gotta imagine 18 to 20 months tops, tops before those new chairs come in, yes?

53:56 Drew I'm not sure there's a top number to that.

53:58 Adam There's no top. 18 months would be the low end. The over under. What would be the over under on a junior producer Lauren getting on those chairs?

54:07 Drew If it goes more than six months, it immediately goes to infinity. It's for God.

54:12 Adam You're right. Over under. So then six months would be there. All right. Sorry, Brian. Sorry, Tara, but we're going to need those chairs. And I cannot give, I cannot risk Westwood One having anything. And by the way, they just got to buy their own goddamn chairs, which is what they should have done eight years ago when we needed them. Thank you.

54:32 Caller Likas has been dropping his trowel and sitting on your chair quite a bit lately.

54:35 Adam That's what I'm worried about. James. You're 21. What's up?

54:43 Caller Yeah, I'm from Texas, you know, and I've been dating my girlfriend for about four and a half years. And recently she told me that she was sexually molested by her sister when she was like five. And that would have made her older sister like 11 or 12. And it was something she had never told me before. So it didn't really freak me out, but I don't really know where to go from, with it from here to try to help her out or where to try to get her to go with it. She's never told anyone before. And I'm the first person she's told.

55:09 Drew She able to, she's obviously able to maintain a stable relationship. You've been dating for four years, right?

55:14 Caller Yeah, well, I got chalked it up to you guys a little bit. You guys helped me out the last seven or eight years, really helped me with all my relationship issues. So you guys have done a lot to help me there.

55:21 Adam Yeah, good times.

55:23 Drew And she, is she, any problems sexually with her?

55:27 Caller No, not at all. Our sex life is really healthy.

55:30 Drew Does she have any depression or panic, anything like that?

55:34 Caller No, not really. You know, nothing, I don't think that would be out of the normal for, you know, a 21-year-old.

55:38 Drew Maybe, maybe she doesn't need to do anything with this.

55:42 Caller Yeah, you know, there's, you don't think any kind of like psychiatric or therapy help.

55:46 Adam Well, let, let's put it, let's put it this way. And Drew, you stop me if you think I'm wrong.

55:50 Drew All of our colors could stand some of that.

55:52 Adam We could all do it. Here's the thing. Much better to be molested by your sister than your brother. Whether you're boy or girl, let's face it. Yeah. That penis is a weapon. You know what I'm saying?

56:05 Drew It's an intrusion.

56:06 Adam It's an intrusion. Where's-

56:07 Drew Body intrusions are one of the things that people are freaked out about.

56:09 Caller Yeah.

56:11 Adam But you'd rather get attacked by a sprinkler key or a taco shell. You see what I'm saying?

56:18 Caller Yeah. What, are we going taco? Taco.

56:21 Adam Taco. But here's the point. Some people have a little different constitution than others. I mean, anyone who's been sexual abuse needs therapy. Anyone who's been, you know, violently assaulted on the street need therapy. For some people, it ruins their life. For other people, it doesn't seem like that. They seem more resilient. I don't know what that is.

56:43 Drew And the proof is in the relationship she's able to maintain. She has a four year relationship, a little bit clingy and kind of funny. That's all right. And they're sexually good. And James sounds like a decent guy. Although he says he has had some relationship issues. But all right. Yeah, it's reasonable for her to get some therapy, as Adam said, but she has no symptoms. Is she able to maintain stable relationships? And it's not going to get much better than that.

57:04 Adam We got to get rid of Duane. Duane, you're 25? Yes, sir. What's up?

57:11 Caller Hey, I always hear you guys somehow making, you know, negative comments about junior colleges and stuff, but I never heard you guys really get deep into how you feel about it.

57:20 Drew Well, you've never gotten deep into those feelings. Here's your chance.

57:24 Adam Okay. Here's the way I feel about junior college. Junior college should not be able to be utilized by people who are bad high school students who go from high school to junior college, who just become bad students in the 19th grade. That's a waste of taxpayers' times, a waste of their times, a waste of the faculty's times, a waste of everyone's time. And three quarters of junior college, although it's unfair to junior highs to call it junior highs, to call it junior college, junior high, three quarters of the students are just are just a jack-off stoners in the 19th grade, in 19th grade, that's about it. Now, there's a small percentage of people who come from other countries who have to sort of get here and start. You know, it's a stepping stone to those people. There's also a handful of people that are in specialty programs, you know, nursing programs and things like that. And then there's a small percentage of people who were good high school students and then just through tragedy or financial hardship or whatever it is, have to go here. All those groups combined make up about 14% of what's in junior college. The other 86%, just a bunch of stoner hacks who don't feel like getting a job or just sort of loser 29 year old guys who can't find their bearings. That's why we need to close these things. It's just a way, we need to close them and here's what we need to do. We need to turn them into prisons. When I'm in charge, I'll turn them into prisons. And like I said, Drew, I don't ship prisoners in. I just fence the place one day and whoever's in can't get out. There's most people in their prison or should be incarcerated or previously been incarcerated. And then it's just a big holding pattern for people don't wanna do anything. The teachers aren't doing anything. The administration's not doing anything. There's a bunch of old people go, my stupid mom drags me to these glee choir things. It's just a bunch of adults that don't feel like doing anything. So they just sit there and waste everyone's time. And I imagine good taxpayer money. And lots of land, by the way, could be used for something. So prisons and then vocational training. Just pure, just you go in there, there's welding, woodworking, guys doing roofing, women sewing. That's all, there's electricians, that's it. Just pure vocational training. That's what it should be. People trying to go there for two years, learn underwater welding, head off and work for an oil company and make 50 bucks an hour on some oil, Derek. That's what it should be. Not just a bunch of hesshers sitting around taking Spanish and English lit and doing nothing. Thanks, Dwayne. That's the way I feel.

1:00:07 Caller Do you think it's a lower quality of education?

1:00:10 Adam Are you gonna- No, are you kidding me? Of course. Of course a lower quality of education. And it's a lower quality of students, of course. But here's all I'm saying. If you suck as a student in high school, you're gonna suck as a student in junior college. You will the next year. Give yourself 10 years, maybe you can go back. If you're a crappy student, you don't get to just go there. That's all I'm saying. They're just wasting everyone's time. You go to work. Yes? Drew's with me. Drew's with me. We're just interested in people being realistic, that's all. And this sort of emphasis on education for people who can't really be educated or aren't interested in being educated. And by the way, let me tell you where society comes undone, whole bunch of bad students. You know what I mean? We need people who work. We need people to get stuff done. I mean, if you take a look at the society, the people that built the Golden Gate Bridge, the people that built Hoover Dam, and the people that won World War II, not a bunch of guys sitting around with slide rulers. They're people out doing stuff. We need a certain amount of grunts. Yes?

1:01:18 Drew Yes.

1:01:19 Adam Thank you, Drew.

1:01:22 Caller Let's go to, let's take a Loveline question and we'll take a Germany or a Florida, that's right, Drew.

1:01:27 Adam Three?

1:01:28 Drew Oh, I have a six.

1:01:30 Adam Six? I gotta do some, you know what I gotta do?

1:01:34 Drew Put a little mark on that one?

1:01:36 Adam Yeah, because it's sort of, I always have to pick it out. Look at a little piece of orange tape or something.

1:01:41 Drew Put it on the hold button.

1:01:42 Adam Chris, what do you got over there, buddy? You got something? I bet you got something. This is gonna be bigger than me gluing the Velcro to the back of my cell phone, Drew. Yeah. All right, where am I going?

1:01:53 Drew Six.

1:01:53 Adam Six, all right. Matthew?

1:01:56 Caller Yes.

1:01:57 Adam You're 22?

1:01:58 Caller Yeah.

1:01:59 Adam What's up?

1:02:04 Caller Is I'm in love with a 16 year old and she's in love with me.

1:02:07 Caller Her mom has no problem with it.

1:02:09 Caller What should I do?

1:02:13 Drew Where'd you meet her?

1:02:15 Adam She's 16. Oh, he's 22.

1:02:17 Drew Yeah.

1:02:20 Caller We met online and then we've been hanging out ever since and we've just fallen in love and I don't know what to do.

1:02:25 Adam You having sex with her?

1:02:27 Drew What do you mean the mom's okay? How do you know that?

1:02:30 Caller We've talked and she has no problem with it.

1:02:33 Drew Your mom, you talked to the mom, his mom, her mom. Yeah. Boy, this is one desperate 22 year old. That's what this is about.

1:02:42 Adam Matthew? Yeah. What do you do?

1:02:46 Caller I'm in the Navy.

1:02:47 Adam You're in the Navy? That's all right. Navy is a rich tradition of pedophilia.

1:02:55 Caller Do you know what I mean?

1:02:56 Adam It's right on the recruiting posters.

1:02:57 Drew F-female exploitation, yeah.

1:02:58 Adam Right. They do. They go to other countries, they bang teenagers, they date young chicks here. I mean, that's what you do. And what do you do in the Navy?

1:03:07 Caller I'm an engineer.

1:03:07 Adam Ah, what's that mean?

1:03:10 Caller I make the ship move.

1:03:12 Adam Ah, what kind of vessel you work on?

1:03:15 Caller I'm on an LHD, an amphibious ship that carries Marines.

1:03:18 Adam Ooh, those amphibious ships are nice. But is it the hovercraft variety?

1:03:24 Caller It carries hovercraft, helos, carriers.

1:03:28 Drew It covers all that.

1:03:29 Adam Oh, it carries all that, huh?

1:03:31 Caller Yeah.

1:03:32 Adam Oh, so it's one of those big ones with the front loader thing, with the rear end or the front end that drops down?

1:03:38 Caller Yeah.

1:03:39 Adam Wow. That's bitchin. Yeah. What's that thing powered by?

1:03:44 Caller Well, we ballast it by water. We drop it down into the water.

1:03:50 Drew Now, what's the ship powered by?

1:03:51 Adam What's the ship powered by?

1:03:53 Drew Engineer.

1:03:55 Caller It's artificially driven by steam.

1:03:58 Drew Steam. Steam?

1:04:01 Caller Yeah, steam.

1:04:01 Drew Is it nuclear powered steam?

1:04:04 Caller Just 900 degrees steam.

1:04:07 Drew How is the steam generated?

1:04:08 Caller By boilers.

1:04:11 Drew Stoked with oil?

1:04:14 Caller No, just we light it like you would match and we put the fire in and it...

1:04:21 Caller Hold on.

1:04:22 Drew Put the fire in?

1:04:25 Caller Engineer.

1:04:28 Drew Whoa, it's not Scotty the engineer in the control room, right? In the engineer's room. We light it like a match and just put the fire in. That's the quote.

1:04:43 Caller Well, now hold on a second.

1:04:45 Adam Now I'm intrigued. Now, because I know these ships, well, a lot of them are nuclear now. And by the way, but it's got to be nuclear. Well, no, well, okay. Let me say this, everybody. A lot of people, this just FYI, Sunday night is learning night here on Loveline. The nuclear ships, the submarines, the battleships, the aircraft carriers, when they say nuclear powered, they never need to surface, they never need to refuel, they never need to do anything. Here's a couple of things that people don't understand. One is diesel locomotives are electric. It's the diesel that powers the generator that powers the electric motor that powers the train. So they're really electric trains that are diesel, the generation of the electricity is diesel. That's one thing a lot of people don't know about or care about. Two, the nuclear ships.

1:05:44 Drew Steam.

1:05:45 Adam Yeah, it's steam powered and the nuclear material is just an infinite power source of heat. All it does is boil water. I think people think when things are nuclear powered, there's some sort of radiation powered or something. It's some sort of nuclear engine or something. The engine is just a steam, it's just a turbine steam engine. You have an unlimited water source, which is the ocean, and you have an unlimited heat source, which is the nuclear material, and it's essentially a steam ship that needs no coal and no water. I mean, it's like back in the day, you had a steam driven locomotive, you had to stop every so often, put water in it to turn into steam, and you had to stop every so often and dump coal or throw coal into it.

1:06:30 Drew And then stoke it with coal. That's why I was saying, what do you stoke the engine with? Right.

1:06:36 Adam Now, back in the day before, now, before the steam, okay, so there was the steam powered ships, and then there were the oil burning, the diesel burning variety, and then the nuclear variety. Now, the oil burning variety, I think those ran off piston type engines.

1:06:59 Drew I think so too.

1:06:59 Adam Those weren't steam type engines.

1:07:01 Drew They were combustion, internal combustion engines.

1:07:03 Adam Right, so the question is for... For six over here, for Matthew is, what years the ship built? And then I think we'll have our answer.

1:07:11 Drew Yeah.

1:07:12 Adam Do you think he knows what year the ship is?

1:07:14 Drew I just like the idea that he puts the fire in the engine.

1:07:16 Adam You have to know.

1:07:17 Drew I just like that quote.

1:07:18 Adam Matthew?

1:07:19 Caller Yeah.

1:07:20 Adam What year is the vessel you work on?

1:07:23 Caller It was built in 95.

1:07:25 Adam 95? So what is, no, no, that might be. What is the power source other than, what is the combustible, the combustible matter that goes in there? Yeah.

1:07:43 Drew The source of energy.

1:07:44 Caller We boil water to 900 degrees.

1:07:47 Drew We boil the water, I'm getting angry at this guy.

1:07:49 Adam I understand, you boil the water. There is some.

1:07:52 Caller The source of heat.

1:07:53 Adam Is it, what do you use? What burns?

1:07:56 Caller Just basically big flames that heat up the water.

1:08:03 Drew I'm scared for the Navy now.

1:08:07 Caller Yeah.

1:08:11 Adam Maybe it's not in our Navy, it's the Polish Navy. The Polish Navy, maybe it's an Admiral. Listen, Drew. All right, I'm gonna just try.

1:08:20 Drew Oh, I can't, I can't.

1:08:22 Adam Matthew. Yeah. Please listen. Just listen to me. We understand a flame boils the water to create the steam. This is our fourth time on this, by the way. What creates the flame? And don't say a match. And don't say a flame creates a flame.

1:08:43 Drew Put a fire in it.

1:08:45 Adam And don't say fire in it. What is burning?

1:08:49 Drew Fuel.

1:08:54 Adam Fuel. All right, let me explain what fuel is. Fuel is newspaper, fuel is elephant dung, fuel is kerosene, fuel is natural gas, fuel is a nuclear rod, it's nuclear fission, fuel is anything.

1:09:12 Drew It's gasoline.

1:09:13 Adam That creates energy.

1:09:15 Drew Diesel gas.

1:09:16 Adam That's right, that's right. Fuel.

1:09:18 Drew I wonder if we're actually gonna get to the bottom of this. You know what it means? It means he just has no idea.

1:09:23 Adam No.

1:09:23 Drew He has no idea. Wait, I ask you, are there radiation areas he can't go into in this show?

1:09:30 Caller Matt? Yeah.

1:09:33 Adam Are there places in the ship where you get in trouble if you go?

1:09:36 Drew Because of radiation?

1:09:37 Caller No.

1:09:37 Caller Ours is not nuclear.

1:09:41 Drew Good, we're getting somewhere.

1:09:42 Adam Now we're going, now we're gonna really get to the bottom of this now. What kind of fuel do you burn?

1:09:49 Caller DS, no, not DSP, JP-5. It's a type of JP-5, it's like jet fuel.

1:09:56 Adam Type of jet fuel?

1:09:57 Caller It's just a lower grade than jet fuel.

1:10:01 Adam Wow.

1:10:01 Drew That's interesting.

1:10:02 Adam And you just burn it, make incredible heat, boil, boil the ocean water and spin the turbine.

1:10:10 Caller Yeah.

1:10:12 Adam So that's, we could have got to that. All right, so your question is why aren't you guys burning diesel or high grade diesel?

1:10:21 Drew No, it's a 16 year old. And is it okay? You're not having sex there. It's okay to date a 16 year old, but it's not a great idea. It's not gonna be good for her. There's a reason that laws are in place to protect 16 year old from 22 year olds.

1:10:33 Caller Although, Matthew.

1:10:35 Drew Admittedly, in Seattle, they just 16.

1:10:39 Adam It's illegal.

1:10:39 Drew Yeah.

1:10:42 Adam All right, listen, it's legal. You're in love. Her mom doesn't care. Matthew's in the Navy, which means, emotionally is 17 and a half. It's fine. It's fine. Don't get her pregnant.

1:10:58 Drew Don't have sex with her.

1:10:59 Adam Don't have sex. Give her a year.

1:11:02 Drew Met online.

1:11:04 Adam Met online.

1:11:05 Drew You don't like those typically. But they've met in real life.

1:11:08 Adam He's out at sea all the time. All right, let's take ourselves just a little break. Ooh, big Germany or Florida coming up.

1:11:19 Drew Brought to us by a girl, a woman.

1:11:20 Adam Ooh, after that.

1:11:21 Drew Usual.

1:11:30 Caller Love Line is brought to you by Trojan, America's most trusted condom for over 80 years.

1:11:56 Adam Hey yo, it's Loveline, I'm Adam.

1:12:03 Drew No, let me give him a chance to look first, before we start tearing apart the equipment.

1:12:08 Adam I had this brilliant idea about 10 minutes ago, which was I was going to mark my hold button, which is just a number.

1:12:18 Drew A typewriter key, basically.

1:12:19 Adam It's a typewriter key. It's just one through 12 at the top, and number 10 is my hold button.

1:12:23 Caller I always have to look for it.

1:12:26 Adam I decided.

1:12:26 Drew It's not even the one through 10. It's the F1 through F12. But F10 is there.

1:12:32 Adam I decided to mark it with a piece of colored tape, and that way I wouldn't have to search for it each time I looked down.

1:12:38 Drew And it's going to be true.

1:12:40 Adam It's going to work.

1:12:42 Drew The hands look actually good.

1:12:43 Caller The engineer, Chris, bought me some scotch tape.

1:12:49 Adam I guess we could use the scotch tape to tape a colored tape on there. Well, listen, we're going to get some colored tape. We're going to work this right out. Yes, Drew? Yes. April?

1:12:59 Caller Yeah, this is me.

1:13:00 Adam Year 18?

1:13:02 Caller 19, I messed up.

1:13:04 Caller All right. It's an honest mistake.

1:13:06 Adam What's up?

1:13:07 Caller Thanks for taking my call. Rock Band wanted to have a terminally ill patient commit suicide at their rock show on stage, but then the law got involved and they told them they couldn't do it.

1:13:20 Drew I heard about this.

1:13:21 Adam No, I heard about it too. Sorry.

1:13:23 Drew But I didn't think it was Florida.

1:13:25 Adam It was.

1:13:25 Drew Yeah.

1:13:27 Adam Sorry, April. That's all right.

1:13:30 Drew That's all right.

1:13:31 Adam Good times. And thanks for playing Germany or Florida. It's so bad, it's good. It's like one of those, it's like one of those local spots where the guy insists on singing. You know, he's got to, he does a custom van lot. He's got to sing his own jingle. And it's so bad that eventually just sinks into your skin like some kind of cancer.

1:13:59 Drew I want to hear a little more sort of 007 music to follow though. Dun, dun. Yeah, it ends too abruptly.

1:14:09 Adam Lynn?

1:14:11 Whatever.

1:14:13 Adam You're 16. What's up?

1:14:16 Caller I had a question about behavioral addiction.

1:14:18 About what?

1:14:20 Drew Behavioral addictions.

1:14:22 Caller Uh-huh.

1:14:24 Caller I've been cutting myself for a while now and my therapist says it'll never go away. I just wanted to know like if that's true and if there's anything that I can do to make myself feel better without doing that.

1:14:37 Drew Yeah, sure. There's medication and then there's therapy. Those are the two things. And relationships too, they're sort of conducting your life and having close, important friends, people that care about you in your life. That would be helpful. The cutting is chronic. It can be kind of like an eating disorder and in some cases it doesn't go away. But in most cases it kind of tapers down as you get older and pretty much goes away eventually. But it can go for quite some time. And it's not something you should be trying to control just the same way people shouldn't be trying to control substance use or eating disorder. It's more about staying involved in a treatment process where the motivating factors to cutting are diminished.

1:15:16 Adam Yeah, by good times, you know. Yeah.

1:15:22 Drew You all right?

1:15:22 Caller Oh yeah, I'm wonderful.

1:15:25 Drew Are you a multiple or anything or dissociate or anything like that?

1:15:28 Caller I don't know, I'm bipolar and borderline and I don't know what else.

1:15:33 Drew You have some abuse growing up?

1:15:36 Caller Yeah.

1:15:37 Drew What happened?

1:15:39 Caller Huh?

1:15:40 Drew What happened?

1:15:41 Caller Just different things and like-

1:15:44 Drew You get that, different things.

1:15:45 Caller Couple months, well not a couple months ago, like four and a half months ago, I was raped.

1:15:51 Drew Hmm, who did that?

1:15:53 Caller Huh?

1:15:54 Caller Who did that?

1:15:55 Caller A guy I work with.

1:15:58 Drew Restaurant?

1:16:00 Caller Yeah, where do you work?

1:16:01 Caller Yeah, we were just work together and-

1:16:03 Drew Restaurant?

1:16:04 Caller Chuck E.

1:16:05 Drew Cheese.

1:16:05 Caller There was a mascot one after.

1:16:08 Caller No, we were just hanging out after work one day and-

1:16:10 Drew What kind of work?

1:16:12 Caller Lifeguard.

1:16:16 Adam And does he think he raped you?

1:16:21 Caller I don't know. He, well like, I ended up in the hospital, so-

1:16:25 Adam Really?

1:16:26 Drew Psychiatric hospital or medical hospital?

1:16:28 Caller Both.

1:16:29 Adam What did he do to you, physically, besides rape you?

1:16:32 Caller Yeah, and the police got involved in everything and then, and so he, I don't know, he lied to them and said that everything was consensual and everything and they're like, oh, okay, well she's 16, so legal age of consent, we can't do anything.

1:16:49 Adam Well, you could do something if you were raped, by the way.

1:16:52 Caller Yeah, they, because-

1:16:54 Drew Did you freeze when he started having sex with you?

1:16:58 Caller I, I like, I hit him and stuff, but it didn't do any good and then he, he's a lot bigger than I am, so he was able to, like, control me and keep me from leaving any marks on him and not leave any marks, like, on my face or anything.

1:17:14 Drew Did you freeze? Were you sort of out of it during this whole attack?

1:17:20 Caller Not really, like, sort of part of it and then other part of it I was, you know, like telling him, you know, you're hurting me, stop, you know, stuff like that and, you know, he didn't care.

1:17:33 Adam All right.

1:17:34 Drew Okay. Victimizer is no victim's point.

1:17:39 Adam So are you still working with him?

1:17:41 Caller I try not to go anywhere near him, but I still technically work there.

1:17:49 Drew Are you doing okay since this all happened? Did you start cutting more or anything?

1:17:53 Caller Yeah, I started cutting a lot more.

1:17:55 Adam How about the people that? I mean, don't you think? All right. Here's why we're hamstrung, I think, in these situations, which is we always hate to call anyone a liar who says they've been raped, but we know that victims create victimizing situations.

1:18:20 Drew We also know they attract victimizers.

1:18:22 Adam We also know they attract victimizers. On the other hand, there's always this sort of magically like I was beaten, I was brutally raped and what did the cops say? They told me to forget about it. You know, it's always this kind of, well, what do you mean? Well, they said you were 16, so there's nothing they could do, you know, just do that kind of thing.

1:18:40 Drew It doesn't make sense.

1:18:41 Adam No, it doesn't. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. If you look into this guy's history and you find out there's other allegations of sexual abuse, you see the bruises, the trauma, then the guy's going to jail. Yeah, you do the forensic thing, you find, you know, you do what you do, yeah, to prove that, you know, in fact, if you were raped, the evidence should, we're advanced enough with this stuff that that's what should come out. So when you hear these sort of that, they told me not to worry about it. Part of it is you think, well, people aren't doing their job. The other part is you wonder if every sexual encounter doesn't go down as right practically with young land. So here's the point.

1:19:26 Caller I don't know what the point is.

1:19:28 Adam Therapy.

1:19:28 Drew Yes. Stay with the therapy. And the meds for the bipolar.

1:19:31 Adam Now, here's the thing. That's crazy. Producer Anne can't find any color tape.

1:19:36 Drew Oh, she got it.

1:19:38 Adam That's crap.

1:19:39 Drew But it's colored.

1:19:40 Adam That's true. Let's use it. That's the that's the blue tape that's a painter's tape. You know what it's for?

1:19:48 Drew For masking things?

1:19:49 Caller Yeah.

1:19:50 Adam But you know why?

1:19:51 Caller Why?

1:19:51 Adam Because because the. Well, here's the thing. The regular thanks and the regular masking tape, it when you pull it off, the paint comes off or whatever come, whatever's underneath, it sticks to it. The blue stuff, which is quite a bit more expensive, like, you know, four bucks a roll as opposed to like eighty nine cents a roll, when you're when you're painting and you're masking along the baseboard or something, you pull it off, doesn't take the paint off with it. Yeah, it's good times. All right, I'm going to apply this. Yes, Drew?

1:20:19 Drew Yeah.

1:20:19 Adam You ready?

1:20:19 Drew There it goes.

1:20:20 Adam I'm putting it on number 10. My prediction is it'll be gone by tomorrow. Once in a while, I try something like this, like. All right. All right, you will every once in a while, like this is the time I put the got the got the little P touch, the brother P touch and wrote, please no junk mail on my mailbox. And it was torn off two days later. And I think it's like, who's tearing this off? And by the way, here's the other thing, too. Who do you got to blow to get them to ease up on the junk mail?

1:20:58 Drew We've been through this before.

1:21:00 Adam I know we've been through it before, but you seriously? You putting, you saying I don't want any junk mails, not enough for you not to get the junk mail?

1:21:09 Drew Let's go to the calls. You're going to, you're going to spin. You're going to spin out.

1:21:13 Adam All. Here's all I'm saying. All I'm saying is, is if you pay 700 grand in taxes like I did last year, there's got to be some goddamn club you can get into.

1:21:25 Drew It's not your own policeman.

1:21:27 Adam You don't get the effing penny saver.

1:21:29 Drew No policeman, no garbage man of your own.

1:21:32 Adam I don't want anything anymore. Here's all I want. I just want no junk mail. What's it going to take? What's it going to take? Who do I got to blow? What do I got to get to? A million? I can pay a million dollars? I don't want any goddamn junk mail. How come it's not enough that I asked the guy not to do it? Now, what's the deal? They're bound to do it? Isn't all we talk about in this society is waste and recycling and hey, hey, hey, what's where you throwing that? That aluminum can, that can's got to go into the whatever. And what about, what about, you know, what about the constant recycling and the constant waste? It's just America. You're big fat clutons. All you do is waste. Use up all the energy and all the natural resources. How about once in a while when someone says, I don't want all this junk? No, no, you're getting it. What? So we have to waste? Is that the thing? What do you want us to do? Which is it? Jesus F and Christ, I can't just write no junk mail. That's not enough. Oh, no. And everyone's got their own ideas, too. Well, there's an application you got to fill out. Then you got to talk to your congressman and you got to go down on her. If she's a woman, you got to blow her. She's a guy. And then you take the semen sample and he stamps it on the thing. And then six months later, you speak to the Wizard of Oz. How about just how about I just put the goddamn thing on the mailbox? It says, don't leave the effing Penny Saver here. No, no, no, that's never going to do it.

1:22:57 Caller No, no, no.

1:22:58 Adam I mean, that's as crazy a notion as them picking up a garbage bag that's out front of your house on garbage day. Are you high? Yeah, yeah. That's as crazy a notion as them getting out of the garbage truck and turning the can the right direction so the robotic arm could get it if by chance you don't have it to the exact degree that it's going to. It's insanity. What? What do you want next?

1:23:23 Drew Society unravel.

1:23:24 Adam Oh, goodness gracious.

1:23:25 Drew Running in the streets, shooting.

1:23:26 Adam Please, please. What do you think you are, one of the Rockefellers? Please.

1:23:31 Drew Jessica.

1:23:32 Adam Come on, Your Highness.

1:23:33 Drew She's 18.

1:23:35 Adam What's happening?

1:23:40 Drew Here we go. Hello. Here we go. All right. That blue, that blue button.

1:23:49 Adam Right where it is.

1:23:50 Caller Yeah.

1:23:50 Drew You can hit it from afar.

1:23:51 Adam Let me. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to draw a bull's eye on it.

1:23:54 Caller That's good. Yeah.

1:23:56 Adam Now, listen, you kids, you give me a hard time, you stammer, you stutter. You make us say what, what's your question six times around. I got this blue button now. It's marked. I know right. Define. A really a lot of you have been saved over the months because I can't find it that fast. Now, pow, you're gone.

1:24:14 Drew Sort of karate chopped at that time.

1:24:15 Adam Yeah. Oh, I can, I can, I can push down. You know, you know how Bruce Lee, he could kill a man with his stomach. That's what I do with my thumb now.

1:24:24 Caller Let's just, let's try it out again.

1:24:26 Adam Mike. What's your question? Too long. Let's just. Claire. Question, please. Boring. Oh, wait a minute. Should I leave now? Claire. Oh, man, are you lucky you strung together heat out.

1:24:49 Drew Hold on, Mike. You'll be on in a minute.

1:24:51 Adam Yeah, don't worry, Mike. We'll get back to you. What's up, baby doll? Hold on. I just, I'm in love with this button now. We have to take a break. Don't we, Drew?

1:25:02 Drew Yeah, we do.

1:25:04 Adam Man. I must talk a lot or something. Something's going on with this show. I thought we just came back from break.

1:25:11 Drew Yeah. Yeah, we did. Well, no, we didn't, but we just took the first call.

1:25:19 Caller No. Yeah.

1:25:19 Adam Come on, buddy.

1:25:20 Caller Yeah.

1:25:21 Adam Brian, what's going on with those leather chairs? We got to get those over here.

1:25:25 Drew I don't think he's going to do it.

1:25:26 Adam He's not going to do it?

1:25:28 Caller He doesn't seem to be complying.

1:25:30 Adam Let me talk to him, put Brian on.

1:25:32 He's actually a wee-weeing, he's pee-peeing.

1:25:35 Adam Where?

1:25:36 Caller His little weiner.

1:25:37 Adam Where is he? This is the second time he's not been there.

1:25:41 Caller He's got some kind of prostate problem, as we kind of know.

1:25:43 Adam Oh, really?

1:25:44 Caller Here he is, here he is.

1:25:45 Adam Drew can massage it. Brian.

1:25:47 Drew Milk it. Be real.

1:25:49 Caller Milk it. Yeah.

1:25:50 Adam Brian, we're going to need those leather chairs.

1:25:54 Caller I got to get the OK from the producer.

1:25:57 Adam Don't worry about that. Who is the producer? Talking about Ann?

1:26:02 Caller I need official word.

1:26:04 Adam She's giving me the thumbs up. I'm looking at her right now. It's done.

1:26:08 Caller I need documented proof.

1:26:10 Adam Just bring them out, buddy. Don't worry. You'll be fine. And by the way, it's not good to sit down all night and do a screen phone calls either. Yes? Yes. Brian, there's 20 bucks in it for you. Bring those chairs over here.

1:26:26 Caller Well, I can't sit in a $20 chair.

1:26:29 Adam No, you're not going to get a $20 chair, you get a $15 chair. We'll work it out. Listen, if I know Westwood One, they're going to step up to the plate here. You're probably going to be getting those ones that are all vented and have the lumbar support. Probably have whatever your family's crest burnt into one of the armrests. It's going to be huge, buddy. I would leave it there, but the problem is, is I would need them to be locked up in between your shift and then the next time you start your shift. You see what I'm saying? We're going to work this out, Brian. We're going to need those chairs. That's the problem. All right. We'll be back after this.

1:27:33 Caller Thanks.

1:27:35 Adam Hello. Hey, everybody. It's the Loveline.

1:27:39 Caller I'm Adam.

1:27:39 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Hi there, buddy boy.

1:27:44 Drew Here we go.

1:27:45 Adam Here we go now.

1:27:45 Drew I wanna get through these three calls.

1:27:47 Adam Three calls.

1:27:47 Drew Let's do it.

1:27:48 Adam Three calls.

1:27:49 Drew People, you've picked up the line and put them on hold on my control.

1:27:52 Adam Well, I got my blue button.

1:27:54 Drew Yeah, let's get them all done.

1:27:55 Adam Mike? What's up?

1:27:58 Caller Not too much. Just wanna say, first time caller, long time listener. Listen to you guys every night at work. You rule everything you have to say about. I always agree with you. Dr. Drew, I'm currently reading your book right now. I'm only about a quarter of a way through it, but so far it's been great. First of all, I smoke pop for about five years. Like the first two years, I just did it occasionally, maybe once a weekend, twice a weekend. Now I do it at least twice a day. Sometimes I do it even five to six times a day. I do it before I go to work, before I go to school.

1:28:32 Drew But wait a minute, that doesn't fit because pot, pot usually is bam, people start smoking pot every day right away. Were you thinking about doing it every day just couldn't get to it every day?

1:28:40 Caller No, it just, that's just how I wanted to do it. Once a weekend, twice a weekend, the social occasion thing.

1:28:46 Drew That's not usually the way it goes. Were you doing something else? Drinking a lot or taking pills or anything?

1:28:51 Caller No, when I was doing it occasionally, I was drinking occasionally too, but I don't drink that much less. That's how I've been drunk, maybe a month ago.

1:28:59 Adam All right, well, so what should you do, Drew?

1:29:04 Drew What's the question?

1:29:07 Caller I was calling to hopefully get some advice from you and maybe get a recommendation of where I could find like a board certified addiction medicine specialist in the Seattle area.

1:29:18 Drew You can call the American Society of Addiction Medicine. I believe they're in Washington, DC. They might be, no, I'm pretty sure they're in Washington, DC. American Society of Addiction Medicine and they can refer you to people in your area. I'm sure the state of Washington has also a society for addiction medicine. You can contact them. I'm certain that-

1:29:36 Adam It's 1-800-JUNKEY with three E's.

1:29:39 Drew The University of Washington has a department of addiction through the department of psychiatry there. And a very simple thing you can do is just call MA or AA and ask for an MA meeting and people will come pick you up and take you to a 12 step meeting. And the interesting thing about POD is it affects people with addiction essentially always the same way. And so you'll hear lots of people with your story who've had to deal with what you're dealing with who can help you sort of refer you in the right direction. And that probably would be more effective than anything. Other guys with your addiction that have had help from certain doctors would be useful.

1:30:07 Adam And you read that book, Cracked.

1:30:10 Drew Yes, that will help too.

1:30:11 Adam Thanks Mike. Claire? You're 16, what's up? So Guy was eating you out.

1:30:16 Caller Yeah, he was being very aggressive in the sucking motion. And I guess it just started hurting really badly. And so I had him stop. And I realized that he actually punctured my skin. With his teeth, I guess. Yeah, it was, I mean, it didn't really hurt that much then, but it bled some and then it's been hurting. It's hard to walk.

1:30:41 Adam Who is this guy?

1:30:43 Caller Just a guy I know.

1:30:49 Adam Met a Fusto, what's the guy's name? What's the Italian, what's the, there is a, what is that? Yeah, what is it called? Nesp, yeah. Christ, Claire.

1:31:03 Drew 16 year old.

1:31:04 Adam Trunked me and Drew.

1:31:05 Caller So, I mean, I put Bactein on it and stuff.

1:31:12 Drew Yeah, how about-

1:31:13 Caller Do I need to get checked out for that or will I-

1:31:16 Drew What did you do for, the pain was immediately after he finished doing what he was doing?

1:31:20 Caller No, no, well, during it, it hurt just because, I mean, that hurts. And then it didn't really hurt that badly and it's uncomfortable.

1:31:29 Drew When did the pain come back? When did the pain come back?

1:31:32 Caller When did the pain come back? The next morning, it's been hurting pretty consistently, not that badly, but sometimes it'll peak and it's just uncomfortable because it's in that area.

1:31:45 Drew How long ago did this happen? How long ago did this happen? Last night?

1:31:56 Caller I'm sorry.

1:31:56 Drew Two nights ago. Yeah. Hot baths. Yes. Things like this. Something called camoceptine cream. Sometimes you can get it over the counter.

1:32:03 Adam Shooting Bactene up there.

1:32:05 Drew I don't know about that. But yeah, the doctor does need to take a look at this.

1:32:08 Adam People use Bactene anymore? That stuff always seems like nonsense to me.

1:32:14 Drew Quickly to Jessica. We have 40 seconds.

1:32:16 Adam Soap and water always seem like the best way to go.

1:32:17 Drew Hot water. Warm water is good for this.

1:32:19 Caller Jessica?

1:32:19 Caller Hi, how are you? Good.

1:32:21 Adam You're 18. Never had an orgasm.

1:32:24 Caller No.

1:32:24 Caller I have tried everything.

1:32:26 Caller I've even gone as far as have a threesome with a girl and that's how.

1:32:30 Drew Yeah, that's not a great impulse. You may have to take it slow. May take a little bit of growth and development. 18 year old women can sometimes have difficulty having orgasm just biologically.

1:32:45 Adam Here's the thing, regardless of your chronological age, there's some people, there's some girls that are 18, their clitoris is 11 and there's some girls that are 15 and their clitoris is 28.

1:32:59 Drew Yes.

1:33:00 Adam I don't know how that works. There's a seasoning process there. It doesn't always have to, it doesn't have to do with experience per se or how kinky you get. It's just, your clitoris could be back in, she was born in, oh, holy Christ, 85 and her clitoris could have been born in 94.

1:33:20 Drew That's right.

1:33:21 Caller Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.

1:33:22 Adam I was there.

1:33:23 Drew That's been interesting.

1:33:24 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:33:25 Drew Quite a sight.

1:33:26 Adam Oh, Myles Itov. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:29 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

1:33:41 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:33:44 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:48 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:34:03 Caller Yep, well, that's it, everybody.

1:34:06 Adam I want to thank you for tuning in tonight.

1:34:09 Drew Oh, tomorrow's gonna be brutal.

1:34:10 Adam Tara, don't call me Tara, and Brian, enjoy your last evening on the chairs. You may want to say goodbye to it in your own way.

1:34:16 Caller We'll have a van driver pick that up tomorrow.

1:34:19 Adam Don't worry. Westwood One already promised you would get a rusty bike seat post with no lube to sit on. Good times. And you understand, I really wish I could leave him there, but I just realize I can't because Westwood One would get something out of it. I can't have that. So tomorrow night, who was in here? Drew Triant, the insult comic dog is gonna be in here. Robert Smygle, the man is a genius. So until next time, is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo? Claire. Question please.

1:35:00 Caller This has been Loveline, the opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, November 9, 2003