Episode 1000575666666

1:05 Voiceover That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Sarah Silverman has just entered the studio after making either a number one of the world's fastest number two. I'd like to think number two.

1:21 Sarah Silverman It was the ladder.

1:23 Adam Yeah. It was shaped like what? Little ladder duke humor there that Drew didn't catch on to. Sarah Silverman, a delight, a treat for the eyes, the nose, the mouth for some lucky men. Sarah's in School of Rock, which is out as we speak. As a comedian, whenever a comedy comes out, I always hope it fails horribly.

1:49 Drew Well, first of all, you hate it. You always tell me you hate it. And then you hope it fails, yeah.

1:53 Adam Well, I don't so much hope it fails as I hope it's bad, and then it does well, and then I can complain about what's wrong with the system.

2:00 Drew Except in this case.

2:01 Adam You know, you hate Dr. Phil? Yeah, yeah. That's how I am with comedy.

2:05 Drew That's how you are.

2:05 Adam But not in this case. I've heard nothing but great things about this movie. I've not seen it. I've talked to several of my snobby friends. They've said it's spectacular. Nothing but raves. And, and, and, and, rare, I don't know, oftentimes mainstream and universal appeal and critical success and all kinds of stuff, it rarely ends up in the same pinata. But not this time. What do you have to say to that, Sarah?

2:37 Sarah Silverman You know what? It is really good. It's a really good movie. But I do worry about like the reviews are great. Everybody who's seen it thinks it's fantastic. But whenever I see a movie after all the hoopla and everyone says it's great, I'm always a little disappointed. So, if you haven't seen the movie, I think that you should go in. You don't have to have low expectations, but just go in. You're going to see a fun little broad kind of comedy and then you will be wowed by the magic of Jack Black. But if you go in and say, this is going to be the greatest movie I've ever seen in my life because that's what everyone's saying, I can't imagine that it wouldn't be a disappointment. But that said, it's a really good movie.

3:16 Adam I can't think of the movies that I've seen that have been built up for months and months and months that I eventually saw that I hated. And also, here's the other one is you don't see them in the theater. They get built up, built up, built up. They come and go out of the theater. You finally break down and rent the movie and then you're at home and the phone's ringing and the baby's crying in Drew's case and it never lives up to expectations. And so go in expecting a good solid six and a half to seven and be wowed by the nine, but forget I said nine. I think that's what we're saying, right? All right. So, you know, here's my problem. I had to get up, I had to do some bit this morning with Bobcat for Jimmy's show where he's doing a little police academy recreation. I got to play the part of Gutenberg, which was not the printing press guy, but Steve Gutenberg. And it was, so I had to get up early this morning and I have this thing. This is really how you know you're sort of a tortured person, which is the earlier I have to get up, the later I go to bed the night before and the more miserable my night's sleep. I have to torture myself with that knowledge. Tomorrow I get up at 430 or tonight or today or whatever you want to look at it as. And I can't go to bed before 230 and I fixate on it and it just becomes, I end up just sort of pacing around staring at the clock. What is that?

4:42 Drew It's good the way you prepared for this by beginning to just hammer absinthe with Marilyn Manson last night.

4:48 Adam That's weird stuff. Have you ever tried that absinthe?

4:51 Sarah Silverman No, I've only heard of it.

4:53 Adam Marilyn Manson.

4:54 Drew Why couldn't I sleep? Why couldn't I get up 3 hours later to work?

4:57 Adam Is that what it was?

4:57 Sarah Silverman Is that like being drunk?

4:59 Adam It's like being sort of mushroomy high mixed with a little bit of a Nyquil buzz. Marilyn Manson actually. Marilyn Manson. You know that kid, Marilyn Manson, he came in here last night, he was at the light, and he said, I brought you a bottle of Absinthe. And people have trouble pronouncing it, and I do too. It's spelled like Absinthe, like if you're absent from school. But they say Absinthe.

5:32 Drew Well, T-H-E at the end, Absinthe.

5:34 Adam I didn't see a T-H-E at the end. I just saw a T in an S, but maybe I was loaded.

5:38 Drew No, no, there was more.

5:39 Adam Are you sure? There's a T-H? I don't think there's a T-H. We'll get to the bottom of this. But anyway, he comes in, he brings this big bottle of it in. And he says, a gift for you. And I say, oh, this is great. What is this? Oh, I've heard about this. And I'm always looking for a new thrill. You know, I mean, if I'll get high, I'll drink, you know, whatever's good, whatever's easy. You know, I mean, I'm down. I realize I'm a role model for a lot of the kids that are listening. There's somebody taking pictures through someone's Sarah's going to have an epileptic seizure.

6:09 Sarah Silverman I'll tell you why. It gives me a double. It gives me a little jolt because I keep getting those pictures when you drive through the yellow light on the tail end of the yellow is how I see it.

6:20 Drew The rest of the country doesn't have that torture.

6:21 Adam Do you? Yeah, we have we have mechanized tickets here where the man just sets up. Yeah, depending on what neighborhood you live in and you live in a neighborhood that is chock full of these things, they just take pictures of you as you go through the yellow light and mail you your ticket. Yes, you need to take the front license plate of your automobile off.

6:41 Sarah Silverman That's genius.

6:43 Adam Thank you. It's actually lazy. It's not like I took it off. It's like I never put it on. But that's another story. Take it off.

6:50 Sarah Silverman Go back to the absence.

6:51 Adam I've gone through. So this absence is this stuff that I don't know all great artists and composers and painters they've over the years they've all drank this stuff, right? All the van goes of the world. Yes, Drew?

7:04 Drew Eventually out of their mind.

7:05 Adam Right. And Marilyn Manson is getting into this stuff. And so he brings this bottle in last night and he says, you know, I brought a gift for you Adam. And I said, oh, great. I take it. I put it to the side there and I'm thinking, all right, I'm going to see and check this out when I get home, get a nice buzz and Marilyn goes, well, let me show you how it works. And he pours himself a nice glass of it and pours me a little glass, a little glass tumbler and he, but he drank half the goddamn bottle and then took it home. Oh, he did?

7:33 Sarah Silverman He took it home?

7:34 Adam Yeah, I don't have it. Lauren took it home. Where is that bottle? I want it back. All right. Well, the point, the point is.

7:42 Is she okay?

7:43 Adam Yeah, listen, she, she has a little thing. She has a cap of Robitussin and she's trying to try and help me.

7:49 That's what I'm saying.

7:50 Adam She's a mess this one. Okay, she's this big, my, the carbuncle I had on my ass was bigger than she is and weighed more too. So here's this stuff. So anyway, and it's hard to tell what's, you know, you got Marilyn Manson here and sometimes you just start, you get up in your own head and you start feeling a little lightheaded. You know what it is. But I drank a couple ounces of this stuff last night and I can tell you it's a weird high. It's not drunk. It's, it's, it's high. It's a little sped up, a little lighter. It's not that slower kind of, you know.

8:20 Drew So that's why you couldn't sleep. You were sped up.

8:22 Adam No. How dare you?

8:24 Sarah Silverman How dare you?

8:25 Adam I go to bed at 2.30. That's when I go to bed. I drank a ton of wine when I got home.

8:30 Drew That's, I knew that was coming.

8:31 Adam I had to knock it down.

8:32 Drew Yes. The usual, you double down and you're the usual. A half bottle.

8:36 Adam You gotta regulate.

8:39 Drew You wanna see it?

8:39 Sarah Silverman Yeah, man.

8:40 Adam Look at that book.

8:42 Drew So, hold on. I'll give Sarah a letter.

8:45 Adam Sarah Silverman here tonight, by the way, from my school rec. Sarah has carved out a great career for herself. You know what I'm saying? Do you understand that? You feel that way? You know, you're real well respected, but it's not like you can't go to the market without being hounded by the paparazzi. You know what I'm saying? You do good work. People know who you are.

9:06 Drew They make the penis out of the forearm.

9:08 Sarah Silverman But do you...

9:09 Drew That's the piece of the forearm. See, they pull it out.

9:12 Adam Drew, explain what you're showing us there.

9:14 Sarah Silverman Is that a dead person's forearm?

9:15 Drew No, that's the person who's going to receive that penis.

9:18 Sarah Silverman And then what do they do with their... If you see someone who has half a forearm, you know that they have a fake penis.

9:22 Drew Well, then this is the old one. They put the new one on there. That's the vagina. That's the neck.

9:27 Sarah Silverman That's the vagina with testosterone.

9:29 Drew With testosterone, exactly.

9:30 Sarah Silverman That looks like my vagina. Is that a bad sign?

9:33 Drew You have a high level of testosterone.

9:35 Sarah Silverman That's a good thing.

9:38 Drew Adam, you can talk now.

9:40 Adam No, I'm not talking. When the book comes out, you figure the book out. Okay, now we're talking. But you have to figure out what the book is. You figure out what the book is.

9:47 Drew You have to mention the book, you have to say what you're doing, you have to narrate them. We're looking at a book, Reconstructive Plastic Surgery of External Genitalia.

9:53 Sarah Silverman I think I'm halfway there.

9:54 Drew Which is the people, the doctor this had in a few weeks who takes the vagina and turns it into a penis.

9:59 Sarah Silverman You were just talking about it like three nights ago.

10:02 Adam Yeah, Dr. Alter was in here, who I wanted to think was a bigger quack than he appeared to be.

10:07 Drew No, no, he was good.

10:08 Adam Well, he was good, but he was mad. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, all geniuses are genius.

10:14 Drew You absorbed your punches quite nicely when you brought up the idea that you were a three-armed person caught in a four-limbed person's body.

10:21 Adam Yes. Yeah, Drew, wait a minute.

10:24 Drew Four-limbed person caught in a...

10:28 Adam What's going on? How come you're the smart one? All right, where are we? Line six, Jennifer. Let's talk to Jennifer. Jennifer, you're 18.

10:37 Caller Yeah?

10:38 Adam What's up?

10:39 Caller Oh, well, okay, like, I had sex the first time, like, a month ago. And, well, it was with my boyfriend of, like, a year and a half. And I thought it was fine, but I don't know, it was my first time, so I can't really tell. But, like, since then, I can't eat. And then it's just gotten to the point where I'm not even hungry anymore. And then, like, when I did eat, it, like, came out, like, the second I ate. And so I haven't tried since this, like, I'm never hungry anymore. And I can't eat, and I can't even talk to my boyfriend anymore. I haven't talked to him since then, so we're pretty much, he's pretty much not my boyfriend anymore.

11:18 Drew Well, hold on, you're leaving some pieces out. How did that, it went great.

11:22 Adam He effed the appetite right out of her.

11:24 Drew So you're depressed now. Having done this thing with him, you suddenly became severely depressed. Why?

11:30 Caller I'm not depressed. I mean, I still feel happy and fine, as if I never eat. But I don't talk to him either.

11:38 Adam No, you don't, wait a minute, you don't talk to him, you don't eat, that's depression. Are you religious?

11:44 Caller No.

11:46 Drew Why did this, why did this event destroy your relationship?

11:49 Caller I have no idea and that's what I would, I really would like to know because I'm 18 and have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and there's nothing wrong with that.

12:02 Drew And then you stopped talking to him or he stopped talking to you?

12:05 Caller I stopped talking to him.

12:07 Adam Wait a minute, he's a boyfriend of a year and a half. You've been with a guy since you were 16 and a half or 17?

12:13 Caller Yeah, since 16.

12:14 Adam All right, does, is there any, do you have a lot of feelings about losing your virginity? Do you have a religious family? Is there pressure on you? Do you feel dirty or bad?

12:24 Caller Well, I never like got along with my mom about anything and so, I mean, nobody in my family is religious but like my mom is just kind of crazy and she just likes pretend I'm like two years old and like, I don't even live with her anymore but that's the...

12:40 Adam Who do you live with?

12:42 Caller I live with friends.

12:43 Drew Oh, my goodness.

12:45 Adam Okay.

12:45 Drew Where's your dad?

12:47 Caller My dad lives on East Coast.

12:49 Drew How come you aren't with him?

12:51 Adam She's 18.

12:52 Caller I stopped talking to him when I was 10. Why? My mom and dad got a divorce and then I was just never talking to him.

13:00 Adam You run out of stuff to talk about around 9 or 10. I mean my dad ran out of stuff. I was only like 7 and a half. My mom, I was 6 I think the last time. I mean we have conversations now but they're kind of forced and they're stupid.

13:12 Drew Jennifer, that's a fairly traumatic history you're describing.

13:15 Adam That's what you've got to look into.

13:17 Drew Somehow this intimacy that you've achieved with this boyfriend just completely blew you out of the water. I imagine he's very confused. All of a sudden his girlfriend leaves him just because you had physical intimacy.

13:30 Adam Well, did she leave him or did she just stop talking because I wouldn't know it if my wife stopped talking to me. I mean it would have to be a couple of months and then I think I would start to get suspicious and then I would probably enjoy the next few months and then I would feel bad.

13:43 Drew Then you'd worry.

13:44 Adam But then I'd be back to happy again. Jennifer? When was the last time you spoke to him?

13:51 Caller That night like a month ago.

13:55 Adam Isn't he hounding you and calling you and wanting to know what's up?

13:59 Caller Well, since I don't live with my mom anymore, my number has been changed and so he doesn't have my new number and he doesn't know like who I'm staying with and I never call him half the time because I'm at school.

14:12 Adam High school or junior college?

14:15 Caller Junior college.

14:17 Adam Yeah. That's smart.

14:18 Sarah Silverman Don't you think he's worried about you?

14:20 Caller Probably.

14:21 Adam All right. Well, why don't you call him up?

14:26 Drew You've got to accept that you are at least disturbed. You're upset about this whole experience. Yeah.

14:32 Adam How about the experience?

14:34 Drew Well, she's unwilling to call it depression, which it clearly has a component of that.

14:38 Adam This conjured up something. Yeah. The thing about virginity for a lot of women is it just... Let me explain what goes on with the ladies, Sarah. You guys, it's like this. It's like... You know in the cartoons when the guy opens the closet and everything comes out and, of course, the last thing is the bowling ball that lands on his head. That Heimann closet, you guys, it just keeps getting filled and filled and filled with more junk. The guy thinks he's just opening it and putting his coat in there, but when he opens the virginity Heimann closet, pow, lots of stuff that's been stored up. All the mom and dad arguments, and if there's any sexual molestation or physical abuse or all those weird relationships with dad and parent, parental figures and everything, they all just come piling out. So this poor guy just got hit with this closet full of crap and he has no idea what happened. See what I'm saying? Absolutely. All right. Sarah's closet looks like one of the pictures, by the way, that's in the book. Go ahead and post it by that address. I need to look at that later. Yeah. I'm going to need that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that book, boy. That book. That's a little penis. That looks like my closet. See, that's your closet.

15:57 Sarah Silverman That's a little penis with an apostrophe.

16:00 Adam Yeah, that's a little penis. Chrissy? You're 23?

16:06 Caller Yeah.

16:07 Adam Sarah Silverman in the studio tonight.

16:10 Sarah Silverman Hey, how are you doing, Chrissy?

16:14 Adam Chrissy.

16:14 Caller I was wondering why Dr. Drew hates Dr. Phil?

16:20 Adam Because he makes more money than he does.

16:21 Drew I don't.

16:22 Adam Plain and simple. Plain and simple.

16:24 Drew I just am troubled by the... How can I say this in an easy way? He takes a certain posture that is potentially dangerous and beats people over the head with it, and it could hurt people.

16:39 Caller So you don't like this technique of throwing people's problems in their face like that?

16:45 Drew Yeah. That's not the way things are done. Someone is going to kill themselves or it's going to be something really adverse is going to happen.

16:52 Adam Well, isn't it... Here's what goes on.

16:55 Drew When you're a physician, you're trained diligently to do no harm. And if somebody is using techniques that could hurt people without using a lot of diagnostic sophistication and or following through on what potentially people need, that's pretty serious stuff.

17:11 Caller Do you have the same credentials as you do?

17:13 Like are you both psychologists?

17:15 Drew No, I'm a physician.

17:16 Adam How long have you been listening to the show, Chrissy?

17:20 Caller I don't know. Off and on since I was like 16. But not regularly.

17:24 Adam Right. But still a solid seven years, perhaps, of listening to the show. A board certified physician, someone calls up with the cancer and stuff, and Drew starts talking about white blood cells and all sorts of bizarre things. He thinks he's just a counselor. I was amazed that nobody, it doesn't really come through.

17:45 Caller Do psychologists have like medical training, too?

17:48 Drew No. No, they don't. Psychiatrists do. But you wouldn't see a psychiatrist doing what he's doing.

17:58 Adam Listen, we don't like Dr. Phil because, A, he does make more money than I said.

18:03 Drew No, I don't know. I'm just worried about it.

18:04 Adam He's a bit of a blowhard. Let's face it.

18:07 Drew It has a point to be made. And I'm glad he's making the point, but it's being made. For instance, to get on TV and say, I have the solution to the obesity problem in this country, means that if you don't follow what I'm telling you and you can't get thin with my technique, you're flawed. Right. Because I have the solution. And it's a tremendously complex issue that no one has the solution for. People spend their life studying it.

18:28 Sarah Silverman What's wrong with him is what's wrong with like all organized religion anyway, you know?

18:33 Adam Yes.

18:34 Sarah Silverman He people look at him like a god and he takes and he's happy to.

18:37 Adam Well, I'm amazed at how unsophisticated the average person is in the matters of psychology that they listen to this guy with a sort of long winded platitudes and look at him like he's some sort of deity. It's I used but once in a while, like once every three years, one of these people comes around like Susan Powder. Remember Susan Powder, the weight loss guru? First off, you just looked into her eyes and it looked like whacked out eating disorder bitch but she'd be, I'd watch her do her infomercials and she'd be like, if you want to lose weight, you've got to do three things. You've got to move, you've got to breathe, and you've got to take in less than you burn off. And it'd be like, it'd be like, uh, yeah, okay, let me see, you've got to move, what was the second one? Hold on. Now, that's controversial. Breathe in and out or just out?

19:28 Drew Both ways.

19:28 Adam Both ways. And move? You've got to burn more calories than you take in? Alrighty.

19:34 Drew And now the books start selling. And the reason you don't see her anymore, one of the reasons is that she advocated strongly against vaccinating your children, and people died because of it. She had, she very seriously harmed people by scaring the crap out of them about an important health maintenance issue, and that can't go on, it just can't go on. And the thing is, when people say...

19:56 Adam Also, she went off the deep end at some point, right?

19:59 Drew And when you got to get out there and you have to say, people advocate that you can choose your way out of addiction, you can choose your way out of obesity, it's just something, you're not motivated enough. That is BS. These are motivational biological elements in the brain that cannot be undone through any volition, and they require very intensive long-term kinds of treatments.

20:19 Adam All right, well, good time. Sarah Silverman here tonight. Mallory?

20:23 Yes.

20:24 Adam You're 17?

20:25 Caller Yes, sir.

20:27 Adam What is up?

20:29 Caller Well, I lost my virginity about 11 months ago, and I have from the very moment felt so guilty. And now, I mean, since then, I've lost a boyfriend because I wouldn't have sex with him. I've lost my best friend because I couldn't bring myself to tell her I lost my virginity.

20:54 Drew This is that closet opening up again.

20:56 Adam Wow.

20:57 Drew But you know what, though? It's kind of refreshing. Good old-fashioned guilt.

21:00 Adam Yeah.

21:00 Drew We don't get to hear about guilt very much on this show. People that actually sort of have a value that they violate and then feel bad about it.

21:07 Sarah Silverman Like Catholic guilt?

21:10 Adam Oh, this sounds more like Catholic and Jewish. She's calling from Dallas.

21:14 Caller It's not Catholic.

21:17 Adam Sorry, I'll wear away off with the Christian. Alright, so here's the thing, are your parents, do you attend church regularly? You were 16 when you lost your virginity? How old was your boyfriend?

21:35 Caller He wasn't a boyfriend.

21:37 Drew Who was he?

21:41 Caller We didn't have a title.

21:44 Adam So that makes you feel worse about the whole thing?

21:49 Drew Did he just take off right after you had sex?

21:53 Caller Pretty much.

22:00 Drew Do you think maybe more than guilt, this is a sense of sort of anger and shame that you allowed yourself to get involved with this guy that just used you?

22:12 Caller Well, yes and no because like when it happened, like the moment it happened, I just started crying and I felt extremely dirty and I felt like a whore, you know? And it's like I became very, very depressed, especially in the springtime. When it got the worst, I got very, very depressed.

22:38 Adam All right, hold on a second, please. That was the old Adam. First off, I was just thinking about Kobe the whole time. She's talking about crying because of all that court testimony today. And I always love it when it's really super specific stuff. You know, he grabbed me, tugged my hair, called me a bitch, told me to turn around and look at him, then told me not to do this, then gave me like a wet nap for my eyes and stuff. And then the guy's like, I never met this woman before. You know, it's always like, whenever the testimony is super specific, and especially like we talk about on this show, specific that doesn't even have an angle half the time, just weird specific.

23:16 Sarah Silverman Then you're lying to your parents.

23:18 Adam Yeah.

23:18 Drew No, no, no, no, no. You're lying to your parents. You can't be specific. When you've been in a traumatic event, you can talk about everything. You can talk about, you know, what color...

23:27 Adam Here's what I'm saying.

23:28 Sarah Silverman Oh, when it's true.

23:29 Adam When it's true. Here's what I'm saying, which is when people are lying, everything that comes out of their mouth is a necessary element for the lie. It's like they're building something and each word is a brick. When something really happened, they're building something, but they don't know what shape it's going to be. It's just whatever happened.

23:51 Drew They just want to convey it to you, how they're feeling.

23:53 Adam When we talk to some guy and he calls up, like we talk to these snot-nosed teenagers all night long, these 17-year-old jack-offs, and they call this dude, I nailed my best friend's mom. If you say, well, what was she wearing? They say, she's wearing a tight teddy with a garter belt and stiletto heels. It's like, okay, it's a lie.

24:13 Drew Yeah, and you go, what? She walked in the room with that? Yeah. What room are you in?

24:17 Adam Just shut up, Drew. Let me finish, please. But if you say, what was she wearing? And she's like, and the guy's like, she was wearing like these orange Tampa Bay sweatpants and just a regular, like a white V-neck t-shirt, then he's not lying because it's no good for a story. Doesn't help. So if it's just specific information that doesn't push the story along, they're not lying.

24:39 Drew So that's just life.

24:40 Adam That's just life.

24:41 Drew Tons of specifics.

24:42 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

24:43 Sarah Silverman That's interesting.

24:44 Adam So that's how you know people are lying. They're interesting. Whenever someone's interesting.

24:48 Drew We never lie.

24:49 Adam Yeah, Drew never lies. He's boring.

24:51 Sarah Silverman You see what I'm saying? So what about this girl?

24:53 Adam Oh, this girl. All right. So what was I saying? Oh, anyway, I was thinking about Kobe because a chick said she was crying and this and that. And there's this weird mover. It's like he was having sex with me. I was crying and he told me to turn around and look at him and everyone kind of did the sex math. They're like, turn around. I see. Okay. So, well, here's the thing. I'm not religious. I'm an atheist and I'm angry at the religious people, but mostly because I'm jealous. I wish I thought I was going somewhere other than in the ground. These people have a huge advantage. Every time they get in an airplane, any time a loved one dies, any time anything bad happens, it's like, oh, well, I'm going to see them one day and all that other nonsense. I'm jealous of that. Mallory is a religious person. Mallory feels like she lost her virginity and she let people down and stuff. But isn't it sort of narcissism, like somebody cares, really, that some guy you went to high school with after you when you were 17?

25:50 Drew Yes, but let me talk to you real quick. There's two things I want to say.

25:52 Adam Maybe she should get over herself.

25:53 Sarah Silverman It's about the boy telling everybody and her feeling like they're going to... she's going to be labeled as a slut because she had sex with someone and nobody thinks about him having sex. No, no, no, I didn't have sex in high school.

26:06 Drew Take her side during the break, please.

26:09 Adam Don't show her the book anymore.

26:11 Drew No, it's something. Mallory. Mallory, I have a suspicion that this guy had actually stayed with you and been your boyfriend. You wouldn't have quite the intensity of feelings.

26:19 Adam Yes.

26:20 Drew And B, if these really are surrounding your religious beliefs, why don't you talk to a clergy?

26:29 Caller I feel like I'm not good enough to go back to church. All right.

26:32 Drew You need to go.

26:33 Adam And get over it.

26:34 Drew You need to go.

26:35 Adam There's no God anyway, so what's the big deal?

26:36 Drew You need to talk to your clergy.

26:39 Sarah Silverman And the church is for sinners, not for people who don't.

26:41 Drew That's right. Nobody's perfect.

26:42 Adam That's right. Nobody.

26:44 Drew All right.

26:45 Adam God, only Jesus, God. God's perfect. And then we're all sinners. And we're all sin. We're all sin the same too. No difference than Drew and Idi Amin. Same sin. Same sinners. Everything's the same. Can't judge. Sarah Silverman in studio tonight. Name of the book.

27:04 Sarah Silverman Thank you.

27:04 Adam Name of the movie.

27:07 Sarah Silverman That's how autopilot-y it is.

27:09 Adam Name of the book. Well, I said it because Ben Stein was in here plugging that rack.

27:12 Sarah Silverman I know. We're two peas.

27:14 Adam I just think chew. One big chew. All right. We'll take ourselves a break. We'll be right back.

27:19 Sarah Silverman Hello.

27:20 Sarah Silverman This is your radio.

27:25 Adam Loveline. I'm here, buddy. It's Loveline, I'm Adam.

27:50 Sarah Silverman That was funny, Dr. Drew.

27:51 Adam Yeah. What did he do?

27:53 Sarah Silverman I just wanted to see him like he said something really funny. I wanted to give him something.

28:00 Adam He gets to work with me.

28:01 Sarah Silverman That's enough.

28:02 Adam Sarah Silverman here, whose initials are SS.

28:08 Sarah Silverman I know.

28:08 Adam That's unfortunate. Sarah is in School of Rock, which is the movie of the year so far, according to everybody. Jack Black is supposed to be fantastic. It's like heartwarming. Everyone loves it. Adults love it. Kids love it. The music's great. Everyone's in love with this movie. And Sarah, although I've not seen the film, I'm sure is excellent at it, as she is in everything. And it made the trailer. So that's really all it's about.

28:35 Sarah Silverman I'm mean in it.

28:37 Adam That's what I hear.

28:38 Sarah Silverman You're a bad guy.

28:39 Adam But that's good. It's a nice, a nice against type.

28:42 Drew You play a good bad guy. That was so funny sometimes.

28:47 Sarah Silverman Yeah, no, no, I know you love that show.

28:49 Drew But I love.

28:50 Adam What's with the sometimes for Mike?

28:51 Drew Well, sometimes when she was bad, it was extra funny.

28:53 Sarah Silverman It was good, but I'm getting a little tired of being the a-hole all the time. I'd like to be a nice girl. I'm a nice girl, right?

29:01 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

29:02 Adam Yeah, and you know what? You know, for someone beautiful and funny and a little nutty, not really weird or mean or anything. That's a weird sides, you know? I mean, I keep waiting for Jimmy to tell me some stories about how she snapped on him, but not gone weird.

29:17 Sarah Silverman No, we get along really well, but the best part is that he told me there was a... Did he tell you this? There's like a story in The Globe or one of those... The Globe, that's like the choir, right? No, I think he said The Globe, but it said that we were in Seattle and in an elevator fighting over what was the best ride at Disneyland. And it said, I said, the haunted mansion and he said the Pirates of the Caribbean.

29:46 Adam Yeah, I saw that or I think he showed it to me. It's a couple of days, maybe the beginning of the week. And you guys were in Seattle, but never argued over it.

29:53 Sarah Silverman Yeah, I'm sure we were in the elevator too. But if we're fighting about that, we were definitely kidding. I can't imagine. We don't really fight.

30:03 Adam They're in the honeymoon phase. You know what I mean? They're in the honeymoon phase.

30:07 Drew You and your wife don't fight?

30:09 Adam No, we don't fight.

30:10 Drew We don't talk to your wife, though.

30:11 Adam We're trying to talk. Well, that's... That leads to fighting. We start talking. That leads to disagreement. Disagreement leads to fight. Yeah.

30:20 Drew That's who never speaks to her sister.

30:22 Adam Oh, please.

30:24 Drew You know where he was on his one year...

30:25 Sarah Silverman Where was she on their one year?

30:28 Adam Where was she? New York. That's right. That's right.

30:32 Drew Shocking.

30:32 Adam No, we weren't out.

30:33 Sarah Silverman With her real boyfriend, Bruce.

30:35 Adam That's right. That's right.

30:37 Sarah Silverman Bruce. Dr. Bruce.

30:39 Adam Springsteen. Yeah. She shall follow Bruce Springsteen around the country. Always complains. Julia? Year 19?

30:50 Caller I am. Adam, I think you're an absolute genius, except you're very misled in your political beliefs, but that's not my...

30:57 Adam What are they? Well, give me... help me.

30:59 Caller Yeah. You should not support the Republicans, in my opinion, but you know...

31:05 Adam Well, I'm not... I'm not really that conservative in the sense that, you know, I want to be able to grow pot plants at my house and that kind of stuff, you know? I mean, I'm not that kind of conservative. I'm just tired of giving all my money to a bunch of stinking, lazy people who don't want to do anything with it.

31:20 Caller But your money doesn't go there. Your money goes to the corporations.

31:23 Adam Yes. Well, it doesn't... no. It does go to the military, and I would like them to do a little something about that. Hey, listen, I have my major complaints about that. I mean, stuff like the Star Wars research and all that nonsense needs to go away.

31:39 Drew Wait a minute, but the real problem is the intensity of California taxes and where they go, isn't it? That's what really puts you over the top.

31:45 Caller Well, federal taxes are still like...

31:47 Drew No, no, no, no. No, no, no. California taxes are over the top.

31:50 Sarah Silverman It all goes right up California's nose.

31:52 Adam That's right. Yeah. Well, anyway. No, listen, I'm all over the map, but whatever.

31:58 Drew Yeah, good times.

31:59 Adam Yeah, good times.

32:00 Drew That's because Julie's never had to pay taxes. She doesn't know where it goes.

32:02 Adam Hey, Julia. Hey, Julia. Imagine, okay, imagine making $600,000 in a year, okay? Okay. Close your eyes and imagine that.

32:13 Caller I've got it.

32:14 Adam Okay. Now imagine giving it away, all of it. Every penny of it.

32:20 Caller No.

32:21 Adam All right. And then imagine when you want... How about shut up?

32:24 Caller No.

32:24 Adam Then imagine. Then you imagine. Shut up, you whore.

32:28 Caller I'm not a whore. No. If the top 1% make like... If they paid the same taxes that the people make, then... You need to give her a lecture on your history. So much more.

32:38 Adam Say it again. Say it again.

32:40 Caller Dude, everywhere.

32:41 Adam If the top 1%, yeah, paid...

32:44 Caller If they pay the same kind of taxes that just normal people do, even like middle-class people, I mean the corporations who are like contributing to...

32:55 Adam I'm in the top 1%. I'm putting myself in the top 1%. I don't know how it works. I don't know what the top 1% is, but I'm putting myself in the top 1%. I'm putting myself in the top 1%.

33:05 Drew You're in the top 1%, 1%.

33:07 Adam Let me explain something to you, little snot-nosed 19-year-old. I paid like 600 grand last year. How much did you pay? How much did your soft-bellied liberal school teacher mom pay? How much? 600 grand? How much? What's your dad do?

33:25 Caller He's an OBGYN, actually.

33:27 Adam Alright, how much did he make? Do you have any idea?

33:29 Caller No, I don't really know.

33:30 Adam Alright, do you know what a school teacher pays? You know what a garbage man pays?

33:35 Caller Yeah, pretty much. I mean, they have to pay the same percentage as, like, everything else.

33:39 Adam No, I pay more. I pay a much higher percentage.

33:42 Sarah Silverman That's why rich people always become Republicans, because the Republicans love the rich and hate the poor, and Democrats love the poor and hate the rich. And so when you become rich, you become a Republican.

33:53 Adam I'm literally a millionaire.

33:54 Drew But listen, Jill, whatever happens is making a level of playing field for everybody. But look, here's the deal.

33:59 Adam I pay a higher percentage than a school teacher pays. What do you mean? Shouldn't you? No, not a higher percentage.

34:07 Caller And if you do, then you're not benefiting, like, the corporations who are making major, you know, political...

34:13 Drew But corporations aren't people.

34:15 Adam You said that you're mixing everybody up.

34:19 Caller Look, here... No, no, it's all, like, I'm talking about...

34:22 Adam Now, look, you don't know what you're talking about. No, you don't.

34:26 Caller I'm a sociology major.

34:28 Adam Oh, well, that's it. Listen, here's the thing, everybody. Here, I'm saying two things.

34:34 Drew First of all, you were poor all your life, so you gotta give both perspectives.

34:38 Adam Listen, everyone can kiss my ass, because my mom was on welfare and food stamps, and she just sat around and collected a welfare check her whole life. And if someone had taken the welfare check away, she would have got out her fat ass and gone to work, I believe.

34:49 Drew And then you were poor. You've been there.

34:51 Adam My whole life. I didn't have health insurance, car, until I met Jimmy Kimmel. No car insurance, no dental insurance, no health insurance, nothing. The bank owned the IRS three grand. That's it. No credit cards, zero. No savings accounts, nothing. Just poor, piss poor. When I got injured or hurt, I go to County USC. That's it. Lived in apartments, drove cars, beat up trucks with no car insurance until I was 30.

35:17 Drew When you got injured or hurt, you'd have to keep working.

35:19 Adam Nothing, never. Couldn't miss a day. Never got paid for one day that I didn't go to work until I got into radio when I was like 30, 31. So I know from poor. I'm fine with poor. I've been poor. My family's poor. They're proud. They're poor and they're proud. And I understand that. And here's all I'm saying. I'm now, I'm not poor. But here's the thing. I pay a higher percentage than a school teacher pays, which means that in one year of working, I pay what they put into the system in like 20 years of work. And I'm fine with that. I just don't like the part where I get beat up for it. That's the part where I'm a bad guy from people like Julie over here, amazingly calling from Berkeley, where I'm some sort of bad guy. Her hippie mom pays 4,500 bucks and I'm the devil. And we get the exact same thing. Same road, same garbage man. Same thing. Everything's the same.

36:14 Sarah Silverman It's like poor people and rich people. Both of them don't have both groups have no incentives. Have no incentive.

36:22 Drew Right. You keep the poor guys down, the middle guys down, and the poor guy and they pull down the other guys. You're pulling people down and keeping people down.

36:29 Adam I don't want to turn to a political show, but I just I'm tired to get my ass kicked for paying. I paid 600 grand last year, whatever it was. I want some ass kissing. That's all I'm saying. Just kiss my ass. Please. You paid 4500 bucks. I paid 450 grand. Don't I get a little something? No, I don't get anything. I want the garbage guy to come pick up a sofa out front of my house every once in a while. That's all I'm saying. All right. Julia.

36:55 Caller All right.

36:56 Adam One day, you graduate, you get in the real world. You understand what I'm talking about?

37:00 Caller I'm going to be a political activist. Like Arianna Huffington. It's good times.

37:04 Adam Good.

37:04 Sarah Silverman That's great.

37:05 Caller Thank you. Sarah.

37:06 Adam She's Arianna Huffington. Please.

37:08 Caller Oh, she's my hero.

37:09 Adam She's the biggest Republican. She didn't pay taxes for three years.

37:13 Caller She does now. And she donates and she's trying to make a change. But anyways.

37:17 Adam She's trying to make a change from her mansion. She's trying to make a change.

37:21 Caller Well, she pays, you know, the kind of property taxes that everybody else does. But I mean, we're talking like CEOs and stuff.

37:26 Adam No, she pays a ton more because she lives in a mansion.

37:30 Caller No, but it is so not comparable. I mean, the percentages, you have to understand.

37:37 Sarah Silverman You don't know anything, but it's great that you are a sociology major. You can absolutely make a change in the world.

37:43 Drew What's going on? What did you call for?

37:45 Adam I bet she marries a coke dealer.

37:47 Caller Yeah, I hope so. I saw School of Rock and it was really good. I was wondering who you were in it.

37:52 Sarah Silverman I was the bad, the mean girlfriend.

37:55 Caller Oh, that's too bad.

37:58 Sarah Silverman Wasn't I so mean, though, Julia? What? I was mean.

38:03 Caller Yeah, you were mean, but yeah, you were good. It was a really good movie. And then, Dr. Drew, I have a question of that.

38:07 Adam Yes, ma'am.

38:08 Drew No, please, come on. Let's get something out of that call.

38:11 Sarah Silverman Give Dr. Drew a little song.

38:12 Adam We have a little political discourse.

38:15 Caller Okay, I drank way too much a couple days ago and I still can't sleep and have a crazy headache and I can't eat.

38:23 Adam Drank too much what?

38:24 Drew Was it one night of drinking or was it like a weekend of drinking? You'll have alcohol withdrawal for about a week, so you'll have mood disturbances, sleep disturbances, it may have changes in your appetite.

38:35 Caller I shouldn't take aspirin or anything?

38:37 Drew No, in fact, avoid Tylenol, shouldn't take aspirin. You may need to see a doctor because sometimes you can get, you can actually get liver, what's called acute sclerosing hyaline necrosis, therapist, right?

38:47 Caller What you have?

38:48 Drew Acute sclerosing hyaline necrosis, which is alcoholic hepatitis. Yeah, you might have gotten what's called acute sclerosing hyaline necrosis of the liver, which is a pretty serious thing, and the liver has to regenerate after that.

38:58 Caller Yeah.

38:59 Drew And you can be sick for a little while. And also your academic performance will suffer for about two weeks. Yeah, you expect a difficult...

39:05 Adam Don't fill our head with that nonsense.

39:07 Drew This is the way it goes.

39:08 Adam Look, you just need to take a chill pill, baby.

39:10 Caller No, I need to like, you know, make some changes. Arnold Schwarzenegger is our governor, and I'm scared.

39:15 Adam Get out there. Make sure all the corporations are run out of the state. I shall. That's gotta be your goal, all right? Any corporation, any company employs more than eight people, get them out of the state.

39:26 Drew We'll have no jobs then. It'll be perfect.

39:28 Adam Oh, no, we won't. They'll all be planning daisies. Don't worry. We'll put everyone to work. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. Sarah Silverman here. We'll be right back. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew's Sarah Silverman, the beautiful and talented Sarah Silverman, the funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, Sarah Silverman.

40:02 Sarah Silverman Oh, she good. I just wrote that today.

40:05 Adam Yeah. Speaking of farting, Jimmy Kimmel, has he started blowing wind in front of you?

40:11 Sarah Silverman No.

40:12 Drew What?

40:12 Adam Really?

40:14 Drew He must.

40:14 Adam He must. No. Yes. No.

40:17 Drew How could it be?

40:18 Adam I don't know. I don't know what he does. Must like...

40:23 Drew I honestly can't figure it out.

40:24 Sarah Silverman When he talks about it, he tells me all the stories.

40:29 Drew He can produce.

40:30 Sarah Silverman Yeah. And he does. There's a lot of action goes on in the bathroom. It's not soundproof. But he's very respectful. He doesn't fart in front of me. I think he might be mad at me for saying that.

40:48 Drew He farts on his friends' heads.

40:50 Sarah Silverman I know. Because you know what? I asked him. I said farting is for television. I said farting is for when you're with your friends and when you're on TV. And with me, I want to keep it lovers as long as we can write it.

41:03 Adam Right. And I'm trying to get to the point in my relationship where I answer with farts. That's my favorite. That's my favorite thing. My wife's like, honey, are we going to go to your mom's house this weekend? Nothing funnier. There's nothing funnier than a well placed answer fart. When I asked, when I said to Bobcat once, I said, Bob, is it true you can fart on demand? And he just went, wow, that's the best answer I've ever heard.

41:38 Sarah Silverman I did that too once. Kevin Neelan, he can fart anytime. I don't know. And I go, I said, see if you can fart by the time I count to three. One and then on one. On one.

41:54 Adam Yeah. I knew I love that Neelan kid. I didn't know why I couldn't put my finger on it, but now, now I can put my finger in it.

42:03 I love that Kevin Neelan.

42:06 Adam All right. Well, anyway, one day, one day, God willing, Jimmy will get off the beano and on the dutch oven for you. Scott? You're 17?

42:18 Caller Yeah. I've got a question here. When I was 12, I started masturbating. And instead of just stroking up and down like normal, I decided to hold onto skin and go up and down. And in the process now, I've stretched it out so much that I think I've deformed it.

42:39 Drew Deformed the skin, not the penis itself.

42:43 Caller Yeah, yeah. I've got...

42:46 Adam Are you an uncircumcised fella?

42:48 Caller No, circumcised.

42:50 Adam Circumcised. But yet you grab the skin and you figure you've stretched it out.

42:54 Caller Yeah.

42:55 Drew But again, there's no curve or anything like that of the shaft.

42:58 Caller Slight curve to the right, but nothing noticeable.

43:01 Adam Nothing noticeable. So you got a little Charpe syndrome going there, a little extra skin.

43:07 Caller It kind of looks like I'm, hard to describe, about halfway, I'm halfway circumcised.

43:14 Drew So you created some stuff over the tip.

43:15 Adam Yeah, but I don't think he caused that. He probably just got a light circumcision. That's just you, buddy.

43:22 Drew Pulled the turtleneck up over.

43:24 Adam What's the problem?

43:25 Caller Well, let's see here. When I was, a couple months after I started doing this, I started getting these big, I don't know what you call them, but they would hurt when I touched them. We had to put like some kind of medicine on them and they would go away.

43:40 We?

43:41 Sarah Silverman The royal we?

43:42 Caller No, I would.

43:43 Adam You?

43:44 Caller Yeah.

43:45 Adam What kind of medicine did you put on them?

43:47 Caller Things we put on for diaper rash and took it right away to get off.

43:51 Drew So what's your question?

43:52 Caller And I'm just wondering.

43:53 Adam Hold on a second. I wonder if this is bogus.

43:56 Drew Yeah, it's going in that direction.

43:56 Adam It's going the bogus route. No one stretches it. God knows.

44:00 Drew Anyway, listen. Yeah, Adam, your penis would be. Adam's penis would be like a tail behind him.

44:06 Adam I'd be dragging it.

44:07 Sarah Silverman How old is it?

44:08 Adam It'd be like an umbilical cord.

44:09 Drew He's 17. But listen.

44:09 Sarah Silverman Sometimes they don't know to use cream yet.

44:11 Drew Study? Some guys don't do that.

44:17 Adam Oh, really? I'll tell you what. I'll tell you why, because when the big one hits.

44:21 Drew First of all, it's already. I've got Jimmy's picture clearly in mind.

44:25 Adam Jimmy's a lube man.

44:26 Drew Clearly, clearly.

44:27 Adam He's a lube man. I'll tell you why. One is because I had to give all my lube to Jimmy because he's a lube whore.

44:35 Drew You were too poor for lube.

44:37 Adam He hoards lube. No. Yeah. We didn't grow up in a house, a house without lube is basically, that's going to be the name of my life. We didn't have lube. Lube was expensive. So that's for the Rockefellers, as my dad once said. But no, I grew up, I grew up with a dry, a dry technique and I'm glad because it's great when you're camping after the big one hits and everyone's struggling, waiting in long lube lines. You're fine. I'm just a spit in the hand away from ecstasy. You see what I'm saying?

45:04 Drew There's a new study.

45:05 Adam I'm prepared.

45:05 Drew Came out today about HIV and circumcision showing that HIV is less likely to be transmitted to a circumcised man.

45:12 Adam Less likely to be transmitted to a circumcised, less likely to be transmitted to a circumcised.

45:15 Drew Again, uncircumcised increases the risk of warts, HIV, and a little bit other sexually transmitted diseases. But clearly now, HIV and the transmission of cervical cancer, higher in the circumcised, uncircumcised. So although there's no clear indication why a young child should be circumcised, there's accumulating reason that maybe they should.

45:35 Adam And it's quite substantial. It's almost a hundredth of one percent. Thanks, Drew.

45:39 Drew Oh, and.

45:40 Adam Yeah, it's nothing, by the way. He's talks about it being higher. It's not it's not measurable. Scott. So don't listen to that, Scott. I'm sorry. Yeah. Get your bogus thing in. We got to go to break.

45:49 Caller Oh, there's one more thing. The one thing is it looks like I have an extra layer of skin. It's kind of transparent. You can see underneath it like I had extra skin on it over top around it.

46:01 Drew We can't figure out what you're describing on the shaft like I'm picturing a.

46:08 Adam I'm picturing a trailer hitch with a cutoff sock put over it.

46:12 Caller Yeah, I like that, but transparent. All right.

46:14 Adam This is bogus, right? You're making this up.

46:16 Sarah Silverman Does it have any superpowers?

46:18 Caller No.

46:20 Drew Did you leave a condom on?

46:21 Caller No.

46:22 Adam All right, Scott. We're not going to answer your question.

46:26 Drew Well, no, I just I somebody needs to look at it, Scott, because I cannot understand a body, you know, a it's like if you put your hand on your head and you can move the skin around your forehead, let me tell you, that's not see-through, there's nothing see-through about it.

46:43 Adam I know it's transparent about it. But here, look, every once here's a deal. Normally the skin matches up with the shaft that's inside of it. Once in a while, you get an odd match.

46:52 Drew We'll share pay.

46:53 Adam Yeah, you get the guy with too much skin and not enough shaft. And then once in a while, if you watch enough porn, you'll see the guy with too much shaft and not enough skin. I mean, it's like transparent, pulled like a snare drum. You know what I'm talking about? That's hard, baby. You know what that feels like?

47:09 Drew You'll have to tell me during the break.

47:12 Adam It's like a carpenter's all going in your side. All right, we got to take ourselves a little break. Sarah Silverman in studio tonight.

47:18 School of Rock named her movie.

47:19 Adam Take a break. Hey everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Kelly Osborne in here next week, amongst others. Sarah Silverman in here tonight. School of Rock is the name of her movie. Our movie, The Windy City Heat, is gonna be on Comedy Central on Sunday night, nine o'clock. Jimmy's call reminded me to mention that.

48:26 Drew Speaking of wind.

48:28 Adam Yeah, so Jimmy just called Sarah and gave her a good chewing out for admitting to the world that he doesn't fart in front of her.

48:36 Sarah Silverman He didn't give me a chewing out, he just, he said two words, it's over. And I thought he was breaking up with me, I'm like, what do you mean it's over? What do you mean it's over? He said, it's over, it's over.

48:48 Adam Your wind free days are over? Wow, that's trouble too.

48:53 Drew Is he on hold still?

48:54 Adam Cause let me tell you something about the reign of terror that is his ass, you unleash it, it's like one of the-

49:01 Drew Art Commergetton.

49:02 Adam It's like a Clive Barker movie where you open a box in an attic and all of a sudden light comes out of it.

49:10 Sarah Silverman I experienced it twice, actually.

49:12 Adam You did?

49:12 Sarah Silverman Once I just walked into the bathroom in his office like, an hour after he was there.

49:17 Drew An hour, an hour, that's a second.

49:19 Adam That's a second in Jimmy's ass time.

49:23 Sarah Silverman And one, oh and another one, he like went into the bathroom for some reason and then ran into the bedroom and it like followed him in the, like with the.

49:31 Adam Yeah, the trail.

49:32 Sarah Silverman The wind, you know, like the, yeah, like the rest of it in a vacuum. Haley's Comet, yeah.

49:37 Adam Yeah, you gotta cut the tail off by slamming the door. It's an invisible umbilical cord of gas that goes from his ass, yeah.

49:44 Sarah Silverman Another time I walked into his office and he said, Craig Farted, who's like one of his assistants, one of the guys who works there.

49:52 Adam Craig, the worst guy, by the way, because Craig has never farted, to the best of my knowledge. You know what I mean, he's wrong. If Cousin Sal is there, it's easy to pin a fart on him, but Craig is the kind of guy who would put a hose up his ass and fart into his own mouth before he actually farted into a room that Jimmy was in.

50:10 Sarah Silverman Well, I completely believed it, and every time I saw Craig after that, I'd be like, remember that fart? That was the worst fart I ever smelled in my life. And he just said, yeah, yeah. And then finally, like six months later, Jimmy's like, you know that that was me that day. I couldn't believe it. I felt so naive.

50:26 Drew Oh, but impressed though, huh?

50:27 Adam Yeah.

50:28 Sarah Silverman Yeah.

50:29 Adam He now has his, well, he's big time now. He's got his-

50:33 Sarah Silverman I'm gonna have to learn to love it now.

50:35 Adam He has his lackeys, he has his posse claiming responsibility for his gas in front of his lady.

50:40 Drew It is over.

50:41 Adam Yeah, but let me tell you, that's-

50:43 Drew It's also on.

50:44 Adam It's game on. Yeah, but you know what? I'll tell you what it means. It means that you guys have entered-

50:49 Drew A plateau.

50:51 Adam You've crossed over. No, it's a very important part of the relationship.

50:55 Sarah Silverman I want it to be romantic.

50:58 Adam But that's unrealistic to try to keep that up for more than like six or eight weeks. That's the way I look at it.

51:04 Drew I mean, you've got to accept the person for who they really are.

51:06 Adam This is long term now.

51:07 Sarah Silverman I do accept him for who he is and I love that he farts. I love all his farting stories from his day. He tells me all of them and they're like the treat of my day.

51:17 Drew Did you ever hear the time that he cleared the bus out?

51:20 Adam Well, let me say this. Farting isn't a part of Jimmy. That is Jimmy. That is, that's what he is. It's not like, well, he's a father. He's a comedian and he's a farter. No, that's what he is. He's a farter first. He's a father second. He's a comedian third. Do you see what I'm saying? He's a son. He's many things, but they all fall under the large gas umbrella. Do you know what I'm saying? That's what he is. That's his essence.

51:53 Sarah Silverman I do know.

51:54 Adam His essence is his essence.

51:55 Drew So it's bad.

51:57 Sarah Silverman His essence is his assense.

51:59 Adam That's his assense, Drew.

52:01 Drew She's gonna have to take it in.

52:03 Adam Yes, you're gonna have to absorb his essence. If you wanna be a part of his life.

52:08 Sarah Silverman No, what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna go in 100%.

52:10 Adam That's right.

52:11 Sarah Silverman If he farts, I'm gonna, if he's across the room, I'm gonna wave it towards my nose. And I'm gonna take it in. I'm gonna go 100%. I'm gonna learn to love it.

52:19 Adam Chin high, nostrils flared, with a look of determination on your face next time you walk into that office.

52:26 Sarah Silverman It's the way like you drive by a skunk smell and you go, that's disgusting. But if you're a pothead, you smell it and you love it. I'm gonna smell it and I'm gonna love it. So I'm gonna love it like a drug.

52:37 Drew Start smoking pot, which is the same thing.

52:39 Adam Yeah. Yeah, you should learn, you should become intoxicated with it. All right. Hey. All right, so where are we?

52:48 Drew Jimmy, Gas, Loveline. Let's take a call.

52:52 Adam Sarah Silverman in the studio tonight. Hey, let me ask you something seriously, Drew. Can, when you smell, when you take in gas, you're taking in, obviously you're not just taking in smelly air, there's particles in it that give it the smell, right? Can it damage your liver or lungs or anything like that?

53:12 Drew I imagine if we're concentrated enough, it would replace the oxygen, you'd have trouble.

53:15 Adam You get a light head, you have to sit down.

53:16 Sarah Silverman Jimmy could probably, You think I could get high off of it?

53:20 Drew No, no, there's nothing you could fart about it. If Jimmy ate, You might see the white light from all of it.

53:25 Adam What if Jimmy ate a pot brownie and then farted on Sarah? No? Worth a try? Or no?

53:30 Drew You might see the light for a second.

53:32 Sarah Silverman What if he farted into my ass, directly?

53:35 Adam Yeah, he did a French fart where he actually transferred a fart.

53:38 Sarah Silverman Cause I play poker with this old comic who like, you know, he used to be in the cocaine heroin days. And he said that, Stanley Allman, he said that him and his girlfriend would put cocaine in little capsules and then put them up each other's asses.

53:53 Drew Oh yeah, that people do.

53:55 Adam What does that get you? It gets you a good high?

53:56 Drew It absorbs the cocaine that way, yeah. It's cause their noses were so eroded, they couldn't do the nasal stuff anymore.

54:01 Adam Oh, what the hang with this guy? What if Jimmy just blew a huge cocaine dust cloud, like right as the capsule dissolved, he broke wind and filled the room with coke?

54:11 Drew There was something.

54:12 Sarah Silverman That was the original scene in, what was it, Manhattan? Oh, really?

54:17 Adam Oh, yeah, when he sneezed. I'm there, I'm with you. No, no. What he sneezed in it, it was in Sleeper, too, where they're, it was handing around. Nathan?

54:26 Yeah.

54:27 Adam You're 21?

54:28 Caller Yeah, how's it going?

54:29 Adam Got a question for Sarah?

54:31 Caller Yeah, I was wondering when she started Saturday Night Live and how long she was in it.

54:37 Sarah Silverman I was there the 93, 94 season and I was there for 10 years. You were there? I mean, one year.

54:46 Caller And Adam, I was wondering when you're going to have any kids?

54:50 Adam Soon.

54:50 Drew Really?

54:51 Adam Yeah. Oh, yeah.

54:52 Caller Someone needs that knowledge. If your seed dies, it'll be a shame.

54:58 Adam Yeah.

54:59 Caller And Dr. Drew, you are a diva and I love you.

55:02 Adam Yes. Thank you.

55:03 Sarah Silverman Wow, that's such a good thing to say.

55:05 Adam Now, Drew sings and he's a little bit of a press. He has some diva in him.

55:10 Drew Really?

55:11 Adam Like if you travel with you. Really? Well, you're weird because you're real flexible about a lot of things and then you get prissy about things on occasion. Yeah, it's kind of weird. But I like it.

55:21 Sarah Silverman Do you have a favorite floss?

55:23 Drew Floss? No.

55:25 Adam I do. You notice the difference between the generic stuff and the good stuff.

55:28 Drew Do you?

55:29 Adam All right, let's talk to Clint. Clint? You're 21? You're gay and your ex-boyfriend wants to get back together with you?

55:41 Caller Kind of, yeah.

55:43 Adam But he won't dump the new guy?

55:45 Caller Yeah, and he won't, he says he's scared to break up with him to move out to Colorado to be with me.

55:53 Adam Is your real name Clint?

55:54 Caller Yes, it is. I'm a homosexual.

55:57 Adam Clint's one of those names where you name your kid Clint and there's a 90% chance he's gonna put out oil derrick fires. You know what I mean? But then the 10% he goes gay. You know what I mean? It's a little bit, you roll the Clint dice when you go with Clint. You know what I'm saying?

56:12 Drew It's one extreme or the other, you're saying?

56:14 Adam One extremer or another. Right.

56:16 Drew And so what is the question exactly? I'm a little unclear.

56:19 Caller I don't know what to do because he like, he calls me like, he calls me all the time and he tells me he wants to be with anybody, says he's scared to break up with his boyfriend and I can't stand to know that he's still with this guy.

56:30 Drew So you want a monogamous relationship?

56:33 Caller Exactly.

56:34 Drew Are you carrying on with this guy anyway?

56:35 Caller Yeah, and I'm actually being really loyal to him. I haven't been like dating people because of it and I've been kind of like being attached to him.

56:43 Adam Clint's the chick.

56:44 Drew Yeah.

56:45 Caller What's that?

56:45 Drew What's the plan?

56:46 Adam You're the chick in the relationship.

56:48 Caller Yeah, I guess so. Well, I've already told him that I didn't, I already told him I was gonna just get my number and I wasn't gonna talk to him anymore. I didn't want him calling me until he broke up with his boyfriend. All right. He said he doesn't, he said it because he's in college and he has to finish with high school, high school stuff. So he said he can't move out here anyway. So he figured he wants to stay with this guy until he can move out here and then he'll break up with him.

57:09 Drew Oh, it's BS.

57:10 Adam This guy's an idiot.

57:11 Drew Yeah, it's just like somebody, like a husband that won't leave the wife and sort of strings you along. Just cut it off until this guy actually does leave. You know, that's the only thing you can do.

57:19 Adam I didn't even know that this guy's, even if he does leave, doesn't mean-

57:22 Drew He's worth, yeah.

57:23 Adam He's not gonna find somebody else.

57:24 Drew Yes, he sounds like kind of a guy that's cheating.

57:27 Adam He sounds like a 20-year-old guy, basically.

57:29 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't know what he wants, he says he's scared.

57:33 Sarah Silverman He doesn't want what he has and he always has his eye out.

57:36 Adam Well, how many, how many monogamous, gay 20-year-old guys are there out there? I mean, it is fairly rare, isn't it?

57:45 Sarah Silverman Yes.

57:47 Caller Yeah, which is disappointing.

57:49 Adam Yeah, yeah, well, you're old-fashioned, you're healthier. Gay.

57:53 Caller He was my first love and I moved out there for him. I mean, and I was his first love. We both lost our virginity to each other. We were together. I was 19 when I moved out there for him.

58:04 Adam You mean the Behaiman was broke?

58:07 Caller Uh-huh.

58:08 Adam The Behaiman?

58:09 Caller What's that?

58:10 Adam Well, it's kind of the male Haiman. Oh.

58:18 Sarah Silverman Well, that must be a bond, but you know, that's-

58:20 Adam Oh my God, yes. Listen, if a guy gave it to me in the ass, I'd have to marry him. I just would.

58:28 Sarah Silverman You should just move on, though.

58:30 Adam Yeah, yeah, there's other fish in the sea for young Clint. That guy's name is Clint.

58:37 Sarah Silverman Where does he live?

58:38 Adam He lives in Denver. Yeah? Yeah, he could do it.

58:42 Sarah Silverman Lots of gay, young, cutie guys in Denver.

58:45 Adam Shockable. It's actually an Indian word meaning tons of gays. A lot of people don't know that.

58:51 Drew Nanache.

58:52 Adam Nanache, check it out, Yana. Yeah, it's a gay Indian term meaning plentiful gay. Yeah, it doesn't translate exactly. It means tons of dilated sphincters is what it means. Clint?

59:07 Caller Yeah, Drew? Well, Drew, I guess the main thing is, I just want to know, because I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore, but I know he's going to try and like suck me back in like two weeks later or whatever with a bunch of crap. I mean, what should I do? I mean, like, I mean, what should I just keep ignoring? Should I just ignore him and just, you know?

59:26 Drew Well, what you've already started doing, which is disconnecting from him, not communicate with him and give him an opportunity to reconnect with you when he has left his boyfriend. Otherwise, you're just terrorizing yourself. It's going to be painful and go on God knows how long.

59:40 Adam And I would try not to obsess, even though it's going to be impossible. I mean, A, don't let him get you pregnant.

59:47 Drew Try to find another guy.

59:48 Adam Try to find another guy.

59:49 Sarah Silverman Don't even do that. You're so young. You should think about like what you want to do in your life and your passions and work on that. And that's when you're going to find somebody who shares those things with you. Isn't that true, fellas?

1:00:00 Drew She is right.

1:00:01 Adam It is right. Okay, here's, okay, let's talk about this. Cause everyone in this room has been dumped, except for Sarah and Drew.

1:00:07 Caller No, what?

1:00:08 Drew Are you kidding?

1:00:09 Adam Drew's been dumped.

1:00:09 Caller Yes.

1:00:10 Adam Okay, but here's what you end up doing. You end up doing that thing where you go, it's like anything you try to do. Try to quit smoking, you just keep thinking, don't smoke, don't smoke, don't smoke. You're smoking within five minutes. And same with drinking, same with going on a diet. And when you get dumped, if you just keep thinking, I'm not gonna call this person, I'm not gonna call. You can't do that. You have to get on with your life. I know it sounds cliche, but the best medicine when you get dumped is to get a promotion at work or get involved with something at school or start exercising more or do something that has nothing to do with the person. Don't turn it into willpower, in other words. Get distracted with something else that's sort of fruitful. Yes?

1:00:49 Drew Absolutely.

1:00:51 Adam Like the way I worked Fruit into the Gay.

1:00:53 Drew Well done, my friends. Well done.

1:00:54 Adam Thank you. Let's talk to Bill, who's 17. Bill?

1:00:58 Caller What's up, doc?

1:01:00 Adam Yeah.

1:01:01 Caller I got kind of a porn station. I'm really into cartoon porn and I wanna know if that's some kind of pedophilism and if I could get in trouble for having it on my computer.

1:01:12 Adam Way to go, B!

1:01:14 Caller Yeah.

1:01:15 Adam We don't buy it.

1:01:16 Drew Well, let's answer it, though.

1:01:18 Adam Really?

1:01:19 Drew I don't think so.

1:01:20 Adam What is it? Well, how old are the people in the animated?

1:01:24 Drew Their drawings.

1:01:25 Adam I know, but how old are the drawings of? Nine-year-olds?

1:01:30 Caller They're like 13 to 20.

1:01:33 Adam Well, that's perfectly normal, perfectly healthy. How do you, and?

1:01:37 Caller Could I get in trouble for having it on my computer?

1:01:41 Adam You could get in trouble of God.

1:01:43 Caller Will I qualify as kiddie porn?

1:01:45 Drew I don't think, I don't know for a fact. I don't think so. You're not exploiting anybody, and they might watch you. They might be worried that you were also gonna download the real stuff.

1:01:53 Adam Well, who's drawing this stuff? I don't know. No, I tell you this, Japs, when they ain't cutting off rhino horns and putting them up their ass, they're drawing 14 year olds and beating off to them. Yeah, they're whacked out breed over there. But they're great people and we can't judge. We cannot judge. All cultures. No judging.

1:02:16 Drew All cultures. Beautiful.

1:02:16 Adam Well, they're different, but we can't judge. But Bill. Yeah. Okay, well, fine. You're not hurting anybody, but I'm picturing you in a few years and it's not a good picture. How about that? Why? Well, you're, you're, you're beating off to a speed racer, basically. That's, that's, that's what I'm thinking about.

1:02:38 Drew My experience with things like this.

1:02:39 Adam And you just sound, you just sound like, you just sound like you're one of these guys going to be working behind the bulletproof glass at some gas station that I have to shout through the chain slot too.

1:02:49 Drew But in my experience with people like this, that into fun, funky stuff like this, that usually because there's a problem with attachment, you really can't attach effectively to other people. Were you sort of left alone a lot when you were growing up, particularly when you were very, very young? Yeah. Yeah, that's what causes that sort of abandonment, deprivation, that sort of thing.

1:03:09 Adam I don't even know if I believe Bill.

1:03:10 Drew Hey, Bill.

1:03:12 Caller I wouldn't lie about porn.

1:03:13 Drew Yeah, it feels right.

1:03:14 Adam No, I know you wouldn't, buddy. That's an unspoken sacred oath that all 17 year olds take. All right.

1:03:22 Drew Speaking of porn, is Jimmy still on hold?

1:03:24 Adam Oh, is Jimmy on hold? No, Jimmy wasn't on hold.

1:03:27 Drew He was on hold, wasn't he?

1:03:28 Adam No.

1:03:28 Sarah Silverman I thought, what happened to him? He was all gonna come.

1:03:31 Adam He just called up to-

1:03:32 Drew No, he wanted to come on the air.

1:03:33 Adam Oh, he did? Oh. Oh, come on the air. I didn't know that.

1:03:40 Drew I wonder if Sarah shares your views about rape being a violent crime and not a sexual crime. Have you ever shared those ideas with a woman?

1:03:49 Adam I don't think I have shared those ideas with a woman.

1:03:52 Sarah Silverman Everybody thinks it's a violent crime and not a sexual crime. There we go.

1:03:55 Adam But hold on.

1:03:56 Drew I had a feeling this would raise some conflict.

1:03:58 Adam Hold on a second. Hold on a second. First off, where's Jimmy?

1:04:04 Drew Is he on hold?

1:04:04 Adam I don't want to forget about him. Is he on hold?

1:04:07 Drew We'll get him during the break. We got about two minutes for breaks.

1:04:09 Adam I didn't know he wanted to come on the air. I thought he was talking to Sarah.

1:04:12 Drew No, he wants to defend himself and his essence.

1:04:14 Adam Sarah, why didn't you say something?

1:04:16 Sarah Silverman I said he was taken care of. These guys were all on top of it, but I think maybe I took care of it by embracing it. That's my guess. That's what I'm hoping.

1:04:25 Drew He was so pleased with her response on the air.

1:04:27 Sarah Silverman Maybe. Maybe, do you think?

1:04:28 Drew He just dropped off.

1:04:29 Adam I didn't see his name on the board.

1:04:30 Drew They didn't set it up where they're screening. They set it up. It was a urine right here. So, before we go to break, share with Sarah your philosophy about violent crimes.

1:04:40 Adam Well, I was saying what you and Drew were saying where rape is not a sexual crime. It's a violent crime, but you come at the end, you know? And it's no different than if I held up a liquor store, but then I came, you know, or arson or child abuse. It is no different than any other violent crimes. If I walked into a bank, pulled a gun, took the money, came and then left, it's no different than that.

1:05:16 Sarah Silverman What about like in prison when they, you know, sometimes guys...

1:05:19 Drew Sarah's confused, she doesn't understand, man here, we gotta get in here.

1:05:22 Sarah Silverman Did you guys rape other guys in prison that are, the guys who are raping are actually straight guys, but it's like a power thing, right?

1:05:29 Drew They...

1:05:30 Sarah Silverman Sometimes, I mean, obviously there's a lot of games.

1:05:32 Drew They need to release.

1:05:33 Adam Yeah, they need to release.

1:05:35 Drew And so they're gonna release.

1:05:36 Sarah Silverman So is that a sexual crime too?

1:05:38 Adam No, it's a violent...

1:05:40 Sarah Silverman Crime with a cum and a chaser.

1:05:41 Adam You cum at the end. You cum at the end. It's like I said, it's no different than vehicular manslaughter, but you cum. I'm going to USC to talk to business school in a couple of weeks. I don't know why or how, but I'm going to explain to them how that works. I'm going to explain to them that rape is no different than some of the white collar crime that you guys may perform later on in your careers, where you embezzled money from your corporation and then come and then OK. Drew gets actually, it gets punchy when I talk about this.

1:06:23 Drew It's so ludicrous.

1:06:24 Adam It is a violent crime where you come. But let's not kid ourselves. Sarah Silverman in studio tonight. School of Rock. Name of her movie.

1:06:33 Sarah Silverman Every time I look at my vagina, I want to punch somebody. Wait a minute. When did I say that?

1:06:38 Adam That was you. Wow. That's you.

1:06:40 Drew You don't like it, you showed me a picture of a giant in this book, remember?

1:06:45 Sarah Silverman When did I say that?

1:06:46 Adam Well, we'll see what happened to Jimmy. I feel bad now. That's all right. He's going to be at my house at 5 a.m. I can talk to him about it. Oh, that's great. I'll go to bed at 2 30. I get up at 4 45. It'll be great.

1:07:00 Sarah Silverman And you don't want him to sleep over because you want to have that dry masturbation.

1:07:03 Adam I wouldn't mind if he slept over. I don't even really know how to sync it up, though, because I get home at 12 30. He's probably going to go home and go to bed at like a wait a minute. What time is it before then? You know what I'm saying?

1:07:16 Drew Not that much, though.

1:07:17 Adam Yeah. All right. We're all screwed. We're taking a break. We'll be right back after this.

1:07:28 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:07:30 Sarah Silverman The love line will be right back.

1:07:43 Adam Hey, yo, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Sarah Silverman in studio tonight, School of Rock, in the name of her movie. Like that movie needs a plug. I think it was number one last week. I'll tell you a movie that needs a plug, Windy City Heat, 9 o'clock, Comedy Central, a masterpiece. A masterpiece. And, the man behind the masterpiece, and in front of the fart, he's going to let when he sees Sarah Silverman next, the great Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy?

1:08:19 Sarah Silverman I'm already, you know, remember that chili that we had last weekend at the Yes.

1:08:23 Adam Yes, it was great.

1:08:25 Sarah Silverman It's, I'm eating the rest.

1:08:28 Adam Jimmy made a huge pot of chili last Sunday, and that's what I used to answer my wife's questions. I'm eating the rest. No, Lynette doesn't fart. I mean, God knows she should. I mean, it's one of her only defenses, but she doesn't seem to fart. And lately, she's been finding my dukes in the toilet because I've been talking on the phone and not wanting to flush because I'm on the phone and then forgetting about them.

1:08:59 Sarah Silverman I like the way you tie a string around your finger.

1:09:02 Drew Did you see the way he delivered that?

1:09:07 Adam I like the way you tie a string around your finger. Did you see the way he delivered that? She's nosy. It's her fault. How dare she?

1:09:18 Sarah Silverman All right. Well, you know, Sarah called me. I actually didn't call in, but we had a deal.

1:09:22 Sarah Silverman Well, they said that you had called.

1:09:24 Sarah Silverman What's that?

1:09:25 Sarah Silverman They said you had called.

1:09:26 Sarah Silverman Oh, I called the other... Yeah, but I called earlier. I was trying to get on just to defend myself. But the deal was this. It's a very simple deal that I would not fart in front of Sarah as long as she kept it quiet.

1:09:39 Sarah Silverman I forgot. God, if I remember, Jimmy, I would have definitely not said anything. Why would I want to?

1:09:44 Drew I mean, you wouldn't want to suffer.

1:09:45 Sarah Silverman You forgot. I'm sorry to hear that. And now my anus is open up like a dragon's mouth.

1:09:53 Adam That's right. A fire breathing dragon, and here's the problem, Sarah, and I agree with Jimmy. I know Jimmy doesn't want to fart, but rules are rules. And if he bends them for you, he's going to have to bend them for everybody.

1:10:06 Sarah Silverman I do respect that.

1:10:08 Adam And then he has to answer to his children who want to know why it's OK for Jimmy not to fart around Sarah. But it's not OK for Jimmy not to fart around his friends. You see what I'm saying? It's confusing.

1:10:21 Sarah Silverman You humiliated me in front of my friends and this is, you know, you've opened the gates to hell, really.

1:10:28 Sarah Silverman It's so funny. I humiliated him by saying he doesn't fart.

1:10:32 Drew That is humiliating.

1:10:33 Adam You don't understand it.

1:10:35 Drew Because of the code. Adam is an expert at this.

1:10:39 Sarah Silverman I truly am sorry. I know that's not going to change anything.

1:10:45 Sarah Silverman I'm sure you are sorry. I mean, I feel bad for you. I almost feel bad for you, but the fact remains that there was a deal. It was agreed upon, and I was violated tonight.

1:10:57 Adam I know.

1:10:57 Sarah Silverman I feel bad because, as you know, I really don't respond well to being punished.

1:11:04 Sarah Silverman Well, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know. You'll have to talk to my ass from now on.

1:11:10 Adam You couldn't have just had sex with his brother or maybe vandalized his home. You had to do this.

1:11:17 Sarah Silverman Who knows?

1:11:18 Adam Yeah. It's possibly saying you don't belt your spit when you talk.

1:11:22 Drew You may start to experience what Adam's wife's experienced when she complains. He just goes, Oh, honey, you're trying to impress me.

1:11:27 Adam Yeah.

1:11:28 Drew Make me feel good.

1:11:29 Adam Well, it is definitely game on. Jimmy? Here's what I want you to do. I want you to save all those farts you were planning on letting at about 5.05 this morning at my house. I want you to save those and I want you to unleash them when you see Sarah later on.

1:11:46 Sarah Silverman Unleash the Fury, which brings us back to the most important thing, Windy City Heat.

1:11:50 Adam That's right.

1:11:51 Sarah Silverman Yes, it's an appropriate title, I think.

1:11:54 Drew Yes, for tonight's theme.

1:11:56 Adam This is airing on this Sunday on Comedy Central.

1:11:59 Drew Everything has a double on time.

1:11:59 Adam Yes, and it is very powerful.

1:12:02 Sarah Silverman It's like that sexy innuendo talking bad movies, but with Jimmy and I, it's all fart innuendos.

1:12:09 Sarah Silverman You know what's going on? It's one of those things where somebody's hearing me on the radio, so they've decided the best move is to call my phone line while I'm on.

1:12:17 Drew What is that?

1:12:18 Adam Yeah, I like that.

1:12:19 Drew What is that impulse?

1:12:20 Adam That sounds like a Daniel move, actually.

1:12:22 Sarah Silverman Whoever it is should probably just hang up the telephone now.

1:12:26 Adam That would be a great plan.

1:12:27 Sarah Silverman And it never happened, because I could see it's coming from work.

1:12:31 Adam All right, how did the show go tonight, Jimmy?

1:12:34 Sarah Silverman It was all right. It was all right.

1:12:35 Sarah Silverman How was Quentin Tarantino?

1:12:37 Sarah Silverman He was fine. I didn't know you knew him. I wasn't aware of that.

1:12:41 Sarah Silverman I don't know. I might have met him a couple of times, you know.

1:12:45 Adam You smelled a few of his farts back in the 80s. No big deal.

1:12:48 Sarah Silverman I'm so busy eating beans and stuff that I'm not really able to talk.

1:12:53 Adam But again, buddy, don't peak too soon. You don't want to peak five and a half hours from now when you're at my house.

1:13:00 Sarah Silverman Yeah, Jimmy, I'm not sleeping over at your house tonight. I'm not seeing you tonight, remember?

1:13:03 Sarah Silverman Don't worry.

1:13:05 Sarah Silverman It takes a good 20...

1:13:09 Adam Plus, depending on which way the wind is blowing, if you have your windows open tonight, you'll probably get something.

1:13:15 Sarah Silverman Maybe, maybe I will fart, Jimmy. I told you, I farted once when I was 16.

1:13:21 Adam That's right.

1:13:22 Sarah Silverman I'm totally honest about it. That's how you can tell.

1:13:25 Sarah Silverman I welcome the challenge.

1:13:29 Sarah Silverman I'm not going to stoop to your level.

1:13:31 Adam Well, it's game on. And again, as I was saying to Sarah, Jimmy, that you guys have now entered, and Drew backed me up on this very important stage. You've come to a new plateau in your relationship and you've moved forward.

1:13:43 Drew You're keeping it real.

1:13:45 Adam Absolutely.

1:13:45 Sarah Silverman The sewer stage is its known.

1:13:48 Adam It's very, very important. All right, Jimmy, do you want to jump in on one of these calls with us?

1:13:54 Sarah Silverman If you want me to.

1:13:56 Adam Sure. We do that. And Drew, how do I do this?

1:14:01 Drew Okay, go ahead. Can we just push a button up here?

1:14:05 Sarah Silverman You might hang up. Who do you want?

1:14:07 Drew Line one.

1:14:08 Adam No, I don't want line one. Let's go to line six. Talk to her. Yeah.

1:14:12 Drew Do I just press her? Whoa, you just hung up on Jimmy.

1:14:15 Adam All right. Sorry about that, Jimmy.

1:14:18 Sarah Silverman Well, now I can take that call. All right.

1:14:20 Caller Why did it hang up on him?

1:14:21 Drew Because Anderson was going to.

1:14:23 Adam Oh, I thought Anderson did that, though. Sorry, Anderson.

1:14:26 Drew Did you have Jimmy back?

1:14:27 Adam Sorry, Jimmy. Jimmy's back.

1:14:30 Drew Well, it's 20 minutes of fart and then squirt around the phone line.

1:14:33 Adam It's not a good radio. It's great radio.

1:14:35 Sarah Silverman You know, they say farting is actually a crime, a violent crime, not a sexual crime.

1:14:41 Adam It is a violent crime.

1:14:43 Sarah Silverman But you come.

1:14:45 Adam Where you come. Yes.

1:14:46 Every time I look at my vagina, I want to punch somebody.

1:14:49 Adam All right, Sarah, please enough. Elliot?

1:14:52 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:14:53 Adam Jimmy, you there? I'm here. Oh, good. Elliot, you're 18.

1:14:58 Caller Yeah.

1:14:58 Adam Your girlfriend smells awful each time you go down on her.

1:15:02 Oh, yeah.

1:15:04 Adam Yeah.

1:15:05 I've been going out there for like nine months.

1:15:07 Adam Sarah, this could be a strategy for you against Jimmy. I don't know how you F up the floor and fauna down there, but I'm sure there are ways you could do it. Essentially sabotaging yourself.

1:15:20 Sarah Silverman Antibiotics.

1:15:22 Adam Working out. Drew could give you something from the car. So, Elliot, maybe she has an infection or something.

1:15:29 Well, it's kind of two problems rolled into one because I've been going on and on for the last three months or whatever. And it smells god awful, god awful. And so, I kind of wanted to introduce sex in the relationship because we've done some kinky stuff in the past, you know? And because I like to introduce it in there.

1:15:49 Drew Nice and sure.

1:15:50 Adam Yeah. All right. This is either bogus or Elliot's stupid. Which one is it, Elliot? I'd go bogus if I were you.

1:15:57 No, we've been doing like s***.

1:16:02 Adam You got me, buddy. You got me. Jimmy, I'm sorry you had to be a part of that.

1:16:07 Drew Jimmy's on hold.

1:16:08 Adam Oh, Jimmy's on hold? What I do, push Jimmy on hold?

1:16:10 Drew Yeah, push seven.

1:16:11 Adam All right.

1:16:11 Drew There you go.

1:16:13 Adam Jimmy. Yeah. I'm sorry you had to experience that.

1:16:15 Sarah Silverman How many have called and pretended to be Ray Romano today at work?

1:16:19 Adam Oh, anyone to talk to you?

1:16:20 Sarah Silverman Our executive, Danny Kellison, top notch detective got on the phone and decided that it was indeed Ray and it couldn't have sounded less like Ray. It sounded more like Kermit the Frog than Ray.

1:16:33 Adam Did you talk to him? Now, how long did it take you to realize it wasn't Ray Romano?

1:16:37 Sarah Silverman Oh, about 11 seconds.

1:16:39 Adam When he agreed to do the show?

1:16:40 Sarah Silverman But I talked to him, you know, when he asked me to do the show.

1:16:43 Adam That's when he knew. How was Quentin Tarantino tonight? Was he nutty?

1:16:51 Sarah Silverman I remember they said he was drunk on the...

1:16:54 Sarah Silverman Yeah, he was drunk at our show, too.

1:16:56 Sarah Silverman Is that true?

1:17:00 Drew Get my card.

1:17:01 Adam Is it just me or does being drunk on talk shows seem to have had a renaissance over the last few months?

1:17:08 Drew Yes.

1:17:08 Adam Like, back in the day, you know, Sammy Davis Jr. and Dean Martin, all these guys would have a couple of high balls, John Wayne, whoever. They'd all seem like they have a couple of high balls out there with Jack Parr smoking away and then seem to have gone away for a while. But now people are getting drunk again. I think it's good.

1:17:24 Sarah Silverman I don't know if he was drunk, but he had a couple of drinks. Yeah.

1:17:28 Adam Hey.

1:17:28 Drew But it's a sloppier, more immature version of what they used to do, isn't it?

1:17:33 Adam So is the show. It does seem like somehow that guys could hold their liquor better back when.

1:17:41 Drew Yeah.

1:17:42 Sarah Silverman You know, they were older is what it is.

1:17:44 Drew Maybe.

1:17:45 Sarah Silverman These guys were on, these guys were 50, 55, 60 years old when we were watching them, the first.

1:17:51 Drew You're right.

1:17:51 Sarah Silverman An old drunk guy, you just put in the old guy category. You don't really think about the drunk so much.

1:17:58 Adam Yeah, you chalk everything up more to the age than to the booze. All right. And I want to talk to Janelle. So how do I do this, Drew? Do I just say Anderson? So Anderson puts Jimmy on hold, right?

1:18:10 Drew He puts up Janelle. You don't do anything.

1:18:12 Adam Line two there, Anderson.

1:18:14 Drew There we go.

1:18:15 Adam Janelle?

1:18:15 Caller Yeah.

1:18:16 Adam What's up?

1:18:17 Caller Hi. Well, first of all, you guys are talking about farting. My husband says he has the best recipe for that, which is deviled eggs on top of teal.

1:18:26 Drew Yes, see, each guy has his own recipe.

1:18:30 Caller It works pretty good. Let me tell you. It's three o'clock in the morning and he tries to hotbox me under the covers.

1:18:35 Adam Minus the adding flour and clams. The raw clams, Jimmy likes it.

1:18:40 Drew It really depends on what your bacterial flora is.

1:18:44 Adam Is it top of teal? That's the Italian...

1:18:48 Caller I think there's a Mexican guy on it, but yeah, like hot sauce stuff.

1:18:52 Adam Oh man, I'm thinking of top of teal.

1:18:56 Sarah Silverman You know, something like that, you really... You can provide the power with a vegetable of some kind and then smell with rotting meat or seafood.

1:19:05 Adam That's right. As it clearly underlined in Jimmy's book, Chapter 14.

1:19:11 Caller Yeah, it's a whole ass manual.

1:19:12 Adam Verse 10.

1:19:13 Sarah Silverman How do you smell up a town?

1:19:15 Adam A town. You need essentially a resin and a catalyst, you know what I mean? And I find for me that the fiber will be the resin, but the catalyst will be some sort of dried fruit or dairy that actually gets things percolating.

1:19:31 Sarah Silverman Do you remember when I farted up the beach?

1:19:34 Adam Hey, let me tell you something about Jimmy. And this isn't just bragging, but Jimmy's done a few things. Jimmy has farted up a bus and a large bus to the point, and again, not a handicap van, but a large bus. He's farted up a large bus to the point where the driver took out spray and sprayed everybody. He, on my bachelor party, on my way to the bachelor party in a Southwest flight that we took north, he farted up a plane. He farted up a 140-seat plane where the stewardess went and took the spray can out and sprayed. That's two.

1:20:15 Sarah Silverman It was her own perfume she was spraying around the cabin.

1:20:19 Adam That's right. And three, farted up the beach with at least a 17 to 20 knot wind coming offshore. They actually took out a group of people in an open area of sand with a strong wind coming offshore. That's not easy to do. I want you all to think about that for a minute. And the next time you proclaim yourself a great ass man, I want you to stop and think about Jimmy's accomplishments just for a second. Thank you.

1:20:50 Sarah Silverman Jimmy's the happiest man in the world right now.

1:20:52 Adam I really am. And the thing about the plane, the windows were open. Absolutely. Even though we were at altitude, the stewardess actually unfolded, she took a serving cart and threw it through one of the windows and another one actually pulled the emergency door. All true. We lost, yes, we lost pressure in the cabin and we had to descend to 5000 feet, but everyone still agrees it was worth it.

1:21:19 Sarah Silverman Who farted in the coffee can?

1:21:21 Adam Can you?

1:21:22 Sarah Silverman That was a masterful moment.

1:21:24 Adam That is genius. I don't have kids, I imagine when I do, they'll be my second proudest moment after the coffee can fart. That was the greatest moment, the greatest 7 to 14 seconds of my life. This story bears repeating. I'm in love with this story. Tell the story.

1:21:44 Sarah Silverman We're over, I think we were playing poker or something over at Adam's house. Adam and I are a little bit, at least a little bit gay, and every once in a while we wind up in the kitchen cooking or doing something, and Adam had a coffee can. He's like, oh Jimmy, smell these coffee beans. There's nothing better than the smell of coffee beans. And so I open the top of this coffee can and I take as deep a breath as I possibly can to really inhale the fragrance of the coffee. And it's halfway down my lungs when I realize that Adam has farted into the can and sealed the top. So I'm breathing in pure gas with my nose.

1:22:28 Adam Yes, willfully.

1:22:30 Sarah Silverman You know, you could fart around people. You can sneak up on them and fart. You can fart in the car when they're there. But you can't force them to inhale.

1:22:39 Adam Not deeply that way. No, they gingerly inhale, but this was a willful inhale.

1:22:47 Sarah Silverman It's settled on my tongue.

1:22:49 Adam It was awesome too because it was one of those canisters that had the whole beans in it and there was like six of them at the bottom. And if you ever smell coffee, you immediately bury your face into the can. Like when someone says, smell this chowder, you don't bury your face into it. You sort of do it at a distance. But Jimmy just buried his face and sucked it up. And I'll tell you the moment of Nirvana for me, was that one moment, there's that moment, it's like when you take a sip out of something that you think is milk, but it's orange juice, there's that one second of processing. You see it in the person's face. It's like, that's not coffee. What is it? It's just a split second of what? And then into the agony.

1:23:29 Sarah Silverman It's the same reaction you see in a movie or something where someone gets shot by like someone they love.

1:23:36 Adam Yes, yes, yes.

1:23:38 Sarah Silverman They look at their wound and they look up at the person like, what happened?

1:23:43 Adam And then they fall to the floor just like Jimmy did.

1:23:45 Drew Janelle, is there anything else?

1:23:48 Caller My question. Oh yeah. I don't get to listen to you guys that much because I'm normally at work. But when I do listen to you, Adam, I agree with so much that you say. And then tonight I heard you say that you're an atheist, which lately my husband considers himself a Christian. And I am definitely a Christian.

1:24:09 Adam I'm no longer an atheist after what happened with Jimmy and the coffee can. I now believe...

1:24:14 Drew In a higher power.

1:24:15 Adam Well, I believe that that wasn't my ass farting into that can. That I had to have some help from somebody that was just higher than me. That what I did was so special that I can't take full credit for it.

1:24:29 Drew So Janelle, what's your question?

1:24:31 Caller So my question is, he's starting to want to go to church. He never really did much before. And he's asking me to go along. I don't want to stop him. I don't want to tell him what to believe in.

1:24:43 Drew The question is, should you have to go with him?

1:24:48 Adam Why don't you go to church with him and use that as your time to sort of quietly focus on whatever it is you want to focus on. And maybe you don't have to focus on Jesus. But you can sit there and be with your husband and be in a sort of quiet setting.

1:25:02 Drew And if it's going to be a community he's going to attach himself to, probably ought to get some relationship with some of those people just to kind of be part of his life.

1:25:08 Sarah Silverman The good thing about going to church is they have candles there which can absorb his gas.

1:25:14 Adam Yeah, that's good. But here's the tip that Jimmy taught me by the way, which is, you know, when you light a match, don't leave it lit, immediately blow it out and then the smoke that comes off it will kill the gas. Thanks.

1:25:32 Sarah Silverman I think that's John 22-31.

1:25:35 Drew Speaking of ass, I think Sarah's had an ass full of this conversation.

1:25:38 Sarah Silverman I have had an ass full of this conversation. You know what's funny? It's like I thought it was funny and I had a good attitude about it and I wanted to embrace it, but now I'm starting to get depressed. I really am. My heart is sinking and I feel like a little...

1:25:51 Drew It's like anything else when women realize men are deadly serious about stuff they're joking about. Imagine how I felt.

1:25:58 Sarah Silverman Imagine the shock and dismay as I was doing as I do each night listening to the show and this bombshell was...

1:26:06 Sarah Silverman You got a lot of nerve with the stuff and the people and the stuff that you talk about on the radio. And then I say you don't fart around me and now you're going to fart around me.

1:26:16 Adam All right, Jimmy, it was an attack. It was an attack, pure and simple. I felt it when Sarah said it. I had too much cooth to say anything about it. I said I wanted to talk about number two. It was an attack and God bless you for calling Jimmy.

1:26:31 Sarah Silverman It's an act of violence, not an act of love.

1:26:34 Adam All right, Jimmy.

1:26:35 Sarah Silverman I consider driving over into the canyon.

1:26:38 Adam You could have killed him. Do you understand that? And then we would have had to just freeze his ass like Disney's head.

1:26:44 Sarah Silverman All right, some idiot's calling me on call waiting.

1:26:46 Adam All right, I'll see you at about 5 a.m.

1:26:48 Sarah Silverman Thanks.

1:26:49 Adam God bless. We'll take a little break. Sarah Silverman is here. And Dead Woman Walking, they call it. We'll be back after this. Hey, everybody, Sarah Silverman. That's that little angel you heard in the background. She's on a show tonight, School of Rock. That is the name of her movie. Number one at the box office last weekend. Thank you very much. And...

1:27:22 Sarah Silverman When does Windy City Heat on?

1:27:25 Adam Windy City Heat. Glad you brought that up. That's our movie. That's on Comedy Central. It's made for Comedy Central. Nine o'clock Sunday night. Funny. The only movie. Well, actually, the only piece of work my dad has ever really thoroughly enjoyed.

1:27:39 Drew Or commented on.

1:27:40 Adam Commented on. Yeah, usually just sort of grunts.

1:27:43 Sarah Silverman Never anything.

1:27:44 Adam He absolutely enjoyed and loved Windy City Heat, laughed his ass off, as I did.

1:27:49 Sarah Silverman There is nothing like it.

1:27:51 Adam Nothing like it.

1:27:51 Sarah Silverman And you are one of my favorite parts in it.

1:27:54 Adam I have a very, very small role in it and really don't deserve any of the credit for it. That falls in Jimmy and Bobcat's lamp and a bunch of other people, too. Don Barris, Tony Barbiere, and all these people. But you watch this movie, I guarantee it's like nothing you've ever seen before and you will laugh your ass off. All right, let's talk to Rachel, who's 18. Rachel?

1:28:17 Caller Yeah.

1:28:18 Adam What's up?

1:28:20 Caller Well, I have a history of sexual abuse in my family, of me, myself, being sexually abused. And also, my father was my mother's stepdad.

1:28:31 Drew Whoa.

1:28:32 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

1:28:35 Caller Right.

1:28:38 Adam Your father... Hold on, say that again.

1:28:40 Drew Father was his mother's stepfather. Her father was her mother's stepfather.

1:28:44 Sarah Silverman It's very Chinatown-y.

1:28:49 Adam And so, you were sexually abused by who?

1:28:52 Caller By both my father and my brother.

1:28:55 Drew Your real father?

1:28:55 Caller Real father.

1:28:56 Adam Your biological father?

1:28:58 Drew Who is your mother's stepfather?

1:28:59 Caller Right.

1:29:01 Adam And your biological brother as well?

1:29:04 Caller Yes.

1:29:05 Adam Bad times.

1:29:06 Caller Yeah. And like my dad.

1:29:08 Adam And how old were you? How long did this go on?

1:29:11 Caller Well, my brother, I have specific memories of being about eight in the third grade or something. And my father, there's just this entire span of time, like he used to beat up my brother really bad. And then there, I have these memories of just laying in bed with him, rubbing my temples and like...

1:29:35 Adam How much older is your brother than you?

1:29:37 Caller He's five years older.

1:29:38 Adam Oh, that's horrible. All right. Is your dad dead or in jail or something?

1:29:43 Caller I wish he was.

1:29:45 Adam What's he? He's a publicist? Good. But it'd be nice if there was a bullet in his head.

1:29:53 Caller Exactly. You know, he almost died one time.

1:29:56 Adam What happened?

1:29:58 Caller He had cancer of the pancreas and two to three percent chance of living and lucky me, my daddy stayed alive.

1:30:07 Adam But John Ritter? Pow. That's right. God's got a plan.

1:30:11 Caller Yeah. I mean, I don't talk to him anymore.

1:30:13 Drew That's what we call the law of inverse worth.

1:30:15 Adam Can I question it? All right. So, you sound like you're relatively well put together considering what you've been through in your life.

1:30:25 Caller Can't be.

1:30:27 Drew Yeah. You must have abusive boyfriends. You must have boyfriends that take advantage of you and that sort of thing. You must sort of be drawn to guys that are abusive.

1:30:35 Caller Exactly. And especially the guy that I lost my virginity to, like two weeks after, he said, oh, well, I'm going to get back with my ex-girlfriend. That really crushed me. And then the next, throughout the next year, he was like, late night booty calls would call me and just say, oh, and of course, you know, I would fall for it because he was like the one guy.

1:31:02 Drew Well, it's like you can't say no either because you're so used to being victimized.

1:31:05 Adam But Rachel, listen.

1:31:07 Caller It gets better.

1:31:08 Adam No, listen, I don't want to, we don't have enough time. I know it's a cluster F and that everything you touch turns to S when it comes to a relationship. I believe me. I know that. So you're not going to fix it by having a good relationship because it's a mathematical impossibility for you to have a good relationship at your age, seeing what you've been through. What you have to do is just get off the track. I mean, you've got to pull out of the game, get a whole bunch of therapy, read a bunch of books, go on a bunch of walks, find yourself and do all that and then get back into the game.

1:31:44 Caller Well, see, I went to a rehab for girls and everything.

1:31:48 Adam Yeah, you do sound like you've had some treatment.

1:31:50 Caller Yes.

1:31:54 Adam I know, but at age 18 and what you've been through, and I don't want to, you know, you're doing great for someone who's seen what you've seen and been through what you've been through, but this is going to take a little while and the whole part, everything could get cured, but the relationship part will still be screwed up. That will be the last thing that gets cured.

1:32:16 Drew Right. All your other symptoms will be better, but this one will take a little time.

1:32:19 Adam So Rachel, don't worry about it, just give yourself a little time. Get some treatment. Stick with all that stuff.

1:32:28 Drew We can't. We're over. We're past due.

1:32:31 Adam Yeah. Sorry, baby doll.

1:32:32 Drew We can call you back tomorrow night if you want.

1:32:34 Adam No, we can't.

1:32:34 Drew Yeah, we can't. Oh, Sunday night.

1:32:36 Adam Sunday night.

1:32:37 Drew Pardon? Okay. Take her number, guys, and call her back Sunday night.

1:32:41 Adam Rachel, take care. We'll call you back Sunday. We'll send you out of Windbreaker. All right. We're going to, when I say Windbreaker, I mean Jimmy. Jimmy's going to go out there, break a window on you and come back. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Well, that's the show, everybody. Sarah Silverman, School of Rock, Adam Carolla, Jimmy Kimmel, Sarah and Jimmy's first fight, right here, live or not live? Yeah.

1:33:20 Sarah Silverman Yeah, yeah.

1:33:21 Adam That was rough. I want to tell everyone to watch Windy City Heat this Sunday on Comedy Central, nine o'clock. Got Windy and Heat right in the same town there. So Sarah can expect to live some of that Windy Heat when she sees Jimmy next. I want to thank Chris for doing a great job as an engineer, engineer Anderson for doing a great job. Shut up Anderson, just shut up and do the buttons, would you please? That's me yelling at Anderson over there. There's, notice how I said please? There's, I want to thank Tara, don't call me Tara, God damn it. I want to thank Junior, I know we're short on time, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, producer Lauren for doing a great job, and of course, regular producer.

1:34:06 Drew Brian's not there?

1:34:07 Adam Oh, and for doing a great job, and booking great guests like Sarah Silverman, and Marilyn Manson, and Ben Stein, and many more to come. And Kelly Osborne next week, and I want to thank Brian for doing a great job on the phones, until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew's fan. Mahalo.

1:34:23 Every time I look at my vagina, I want to punch somebody.

1:34:29 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, October 9, 2003