Episode 1000575945211

0:55 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:02 Voiceover Hey everybody, it's the Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction specialist, specialist. The Macho Man, Randy Savage, is in here tomorrow night. Kelly Osborne is in here on Tuesday night. And then Eric Balfour? Yeah, from Texas Chainsaw, Massacre or something?

1:26 Drew Mm-hmm.

1:28 Adam All right, what's happening, buddy?

1:29 Drew Just saw that Windy City Heat, had a good time. Are they gonna re-air that?

1:33 Adam Windy City Heat, which is a show we produced, a movie for Comedy Central, is on tonight, and I think they'll probably re-air it.

1:43 Drew You know, you gotta put that out on like DVD or something.

1:45 Adam Funny, right?

1:47 Drew Funny.

1:47 Adam Well, here's the thing. I don't want to blow my own horn, but as I've said many times, Jimmy had a lot more to do with this than I did, and so did many, many other people. So I'm not blowing my own horn. I just happened to be one of the producers of it, but it didn't go much further than that, and a little cameo in it. But the movie, you go, you see a comedy to laugh. If you see a solid comedy, you're lucky if you get eight or nine out loud chuckles going throughout the course of the hour and a half movie. This movie has 20, 25, 30 good laughs.

2:19 Drew We're laughing uncomfortably, hard.

2:21 Adam Yeah, hard. Yeah, you look around, you make a snort, and then you hawk up an oyster. It's funny.

2:27 Drew How was your weekend otherwise?

2:28 Adam It was fantastic.

2:29 Drew Oh, really?

2:29 Adam How was yours, Drew?

2:31 Drew I got a sick kid, almost been freaking me out.

2:34 Adam What's going on over there?

2:35 Drew He's got an infected arm from poison oak, and that's a bit stressful, and caught my daughter laying a few prime words down on the internet.

2:44 Adam Oh, really?

2:45 Drew Oh, yes.

2:46 Adam Typing?

2:47 Drew They spend hours in these instant messaging things.

2:50 Adam Chat rooms?

2:51 Drew No, the instant messaging.

2:52 Adam Uh-huh, IM. How does that work? And how'd you bust her?

2:56 Drew Oh, we print and read, we monitor, and she lets us.

2:59 Adam Now, how does it work?

3:00 Drew How do you do, how's what?

3:02 Adam She does the IMing.

3:03 Drew And does the memory.

3:04 Adam And she's talking to somebody who?

3:06 Drew Their friend, school, this kind of thing. And then-

3:08 Adam All right, she's talking to people she knows.

3:09 Drew And then she got a little fight with somebody.

3:11 Adam And she got a little spat with somebody.

3:12 Drew And started laying down some language that was-

3:14 Adam And she was typing.

3:15 Drew Oh, yeah.

3:15 Adam She types?

3:16 Drew Yeah, oh, they're crazy.

3:17 Adam She types like crazy. Like an Asian secretary.

3:20 Drew Absolutely.

3:21 Adam And then, you're gonna give them an eating disorder, by the way, if you do too much monitoring.

3:26 Drew No, no, we print it up. Sitting downstairs watching the-

3:29 Adam You go to the computer.

3:30 Drew And my wife knows that he'd get the history up and print it. And she throws up six pages at me. She goes, read it and weave. I'm sitting there watching them at UCLA.

3:38 Adam What kind of language is in here? The F-bomb?

3:41 Drew Oh, yeah.

3:41 Adam F-bomb. S-bomb? How about the M-F-bomb?

3:45 Drew Oh, yes, yes. That was, that was, that was...

3:49 Adam Really? That was, that was a prime word, huh? A lot of M-F-er.

3:52 Drew Yeah, not a lot, but it was used in a way that was like shocking.

3:55 Adam Yeah.

3:56 Drew So we had a little, a little... We had a little discussion.

3:59 Adam Listen, I've told you this a few times. Kids swear their asses off. The F-word is the first word I learned.

4:06 Drew What I learned is if you don't lay specific, if you don't make explicit what is not okay, they're going. Oh, yeah. So there was a consequence, a pretty severe one. And then-

4:15 Adam What was the consequence?

4:16 Drew I just had a little talk and a little-

4:18 Adam Time out?

4:18 Drew Time, Romeo, Romeo.

4:20 Adam No use of the computer.

4:21 Drew How long? That was that night. Then we let her get back on to tell everybody that she was signing off and she's in trouble. Look, mother f-up.

4:30 Adam Yeah, Drew.

4:31 Drew Where do you think she gets that from?

4:33 Adam You gotta lead by example.

4:34 Drew But the deal is-

4:35 Adam Do as I do, not as I-

4:36 Drew We had to sit all three of them down and go, you don't, this, here's the rules, is it? Now we know rules we gotta make. Unfortunately, you don't think of them ahead of time.

4:43 Adam Yeah, did she come up with some substitute words for MF'er?

4:50 Drew I think I thought I was sick and I had a bit of a brush limb loss, you know, got up with his opiate addiction, so every goddamn news agency in town has talked to me about that.

4:57 Adam I heard him apologize or explain on his radio show, The Opiate Addiction, and it sort of comes off like so many explanations slash apologies that you hear in the media, which is when it's done, you realize, oh, he didn't do anything wrong, or according to him, he never apologized for anything. He said, I heard him, he said, said he had a bad, he had a back operation, back operation was botched, didn't go right.

5:25 Drew This is what every opiate addict thinks, though.

5:28 Adam But here's what he says to the people. So I had to take these pills or either have another back operation or live in pain. So I chose to take the pills for the pain.

5:40 Drew But then he said, I got badly addicted. I'm not a hero, I'm, you know, I'm a shame to myself. I'm willing to get treatment. I'm trying to be honest about it. That's all kind of about the board stuff.

5:48 Adam I didn't hear that part.

5:49 Drew Yeah, it was like a 20 minute thing. I just heard like, No, his thinking on it is all off, but you can't expect it to be clear at this stage of the game.

5:57 Adam All right. Now, who were we talking to?

5:59 Drew We were talking to somebody you hung up on evidently.

6:00 Adam How'd I hang up on her? I think she hung up.

6:03 Drew Let's see. You there?

6:06 Adam Yeah.

6:06 Drew Yeah. Oh, no, that's not her.

6:08 Adam No, I just hit 10. Where do you want to go?

6:12 Drew Mm-hmm.

6:14 Adam Allie.

6:15 Hello?

6:15 Adam You're 14.

6:16 Caller Yeah.

6:17 What's up?

6:19 Caller Um, like three weeks, I gotta kind of speak quietly. Three weeks ago, I lost my virginity and we didn't use a condom.

6:38 Mom, close the door.

6:39 Get out. No, get out. Get out.

6:42 Caller Get out.

6:44 Adam Thank you, Dad. About another six months.

6:46 Drew Now listen, Allie. No, no, Allie. Listen, if my daughter says get out, I swear to God, I'm taking the phone and screaming into it.

6:53 Caller No, if my mom found out, she'd probably kill me.

6:56 Adam Isn't it gonna be weird though when your daughter calls you, Drew? I lost my virginity. This guy almost split me open.

7:04 Caller Hello?

7:05 Drew Allie, I'm listening, I'm listening.

7:06 Caller Dr. Drew?

7:07 Drew I'm listening. Allie? Go ahead. You sure you wanna be doing this at 14?

7:11 Caller Yeah, I don't know, I regret it, but.

7:15 Drew How old was the guy?

7:17 Caller He's 14.

7:18 Drew Oh my God.

7:20 Caller He did not even talk to me anymore.

7:21 Drew All right, well stop. Don't do this anymore. Why are you doing this at so young?

7:24 Caller Well, I don't know.

7:26 Adam That's old these days.

7:27 Drew I know, but it's young. That's old.

7:29 Caller Well, I always went to a Catholic school, and as soon as I got out, I went out with the biggest, horniest guy, and then ever since then, I've been kind of acting out.

7:40 Adam Okay. What'd your mom do? Leave the country?

7:44 Drew Where's your dad?

7:47 Adam At least he's out of the state, but aren't you worried your mom has a glass up against the door?

7:53 Caller I don't know, but she was not even around me until the second I walked in. I was like, oh, I had sex.

7:58 Adam All right. When did your dad leave?

8:00 Caller Well, I used to live in Philadelphia and we left him.

8:06 Drew What's up with him?

8:07 Adam How long ago?

8:08 Caller When I was like six and I moved out to California.

8:11 Drew See an alcoholic or anything, dad?

8:12 Caller No, he was just, I don't know.

8:17 Adam Let me tell you, we hear this every night on this show, which is dad basically gives up on raising the kid. Mom, they moved, I know, but mom is there raising the kid, cooking the meals, checking the report cards, checking for the instant messages and the F-bombs. And mom walks in the room, get out. Know what I'm saying? This is what I love. I love teenage daughters kicking the crap out of their poor, beleaguered mothers who've been doing the best they can to sort of get up, make sandwiches, and then go to their work full time all day.

8:52 Drew And the final insult is idealizing the mother effort that took off.

8:57 Adam I'm going to stay with dad and Philly. Yeah, I know, that could be you, Drew.

9:03 Caller I'm so happy to be talking to you guys.

9:05 Adam We're glad to be here for the hour. Thank you.

9:08 Caller Oh my God, it's making me crazy right now.

9:10 Drew Well, now, your dad was a bad guy, right?

9:13 Caller Oh yeah, he's a big asshole and barely calls me anymore.

9:17 Drew But do you see how you're acting? Why don't you get a little, there's a lot of great therapists in Arcadia. Why don't you get some treatment for how you're feeling?

9:24 Caller I have a really bad cutting problem and everything.

9:28 Drew Does your mom know about that?

9:29 Caller Yeah, she knows about that.

9:31 Drew Are you getting treatment? You gotta, Ali, why not?

9:35 Caller I know, I know, I know. I'm seeing a counselor, like my school counselor.

9:39 Adam Ali, can you do me a favor too? Give your mom a break.

9:43 Caller I know.

9:43 Adam A poor woman is doing the best she can with you.

9:45 Caller I know.

9:46 Adam She's trying to be a mother and a father. Your dad's tilting a couple of tall ones in Philly right now.

9:53 Drew Oh my God.

9:54 Adam Got his fifth wife on his lap. He's an a-hole. Your mom is a saint. She's trying to discipline you. She's trying to create some boundaries and you're yelling at her. Now give her a nice big hug, would you?

10:04 Caller Yeah, I'm afraid she's in the other room listening.

10:06 Drew Well, that's not what the last... You have a question though about the... When did this happen?

10:13 Caller September 25th, so like three weeks ago.

10:17 Drew Oh my God. Why didn't you get the morning after pill right away?

10:23 Adam She's 14, that's why.

10:25 Drew Yeah, it's hard for her to get it.

10:27 Adam No, she's stupid.

10:28 Caller Well, because he didn't come inside me.

10:31 Drew It doesn't matter.

10:32 Adam Yeah, well, it helps.

10:33 Drew It helps.

10:34 Caller Yeah, I was like, I called my friend up that night and I told her and then we went to a dry store the next day, but I was so afraid I could not buy. I was like shaking.

10:44 Adam Listen, Ally. Plan Parenthood is probably not pregnant. Okay, but good. You've learned, you've dodged a bullet and learned a valuable lesson. Now go tell your mom you love her. Get that morning after pill for five years from now when you have sex next.

11:00 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah, stay with the therapy.

11:05 Adam Stay with the therapy. Dad's with his fifth wife. These guys have no idea what they do to their daughters. The sons somehow get by unscathed. They just end up playing football and get in a few fights. But the daughters, they're a mess. God bless you dads. Oops, did I hit the wrong one?

11:23 Drew You're fine.

11:24 Adam Joey? You're 23? Yeah, what's up?

11:30 Caller Well, basically I've been trying to figure out whether I want to continue a relationship with somebody that is not out. And I'm fully out and as far as him, he's not out to his parents or his friends. And I feel basically like sometimes I'm pushed away or pushed aside. I'm a homosexual.

11:55 Drew How old is he?

11:57 Adam Yes.

11:57 Drew How old is he?

11:58 Caller He is 34.

12:00 Adam Oh, not out yet.

12:03 Caller No, and I am his first experience with another man. And I've basically tried to put myself in his shoes, but sometimes-

12:12 Drew What was he doing before? Do what? Was he married or something before?

12:15 Caller No, basically he just held up all of his sexual experiences and basically he felt like he doesn't, he doesn't want to be with a woman. I know that.

12:30 Drew Yeah, but this guy's really been struggling with this for a long time. It's no wonder he wouldn't want to.

12:34 Caller Yes, and that was his very first sexual experience. Really? Well, he's told me that he's kissed a girl before. That was when he was like 15, 16.

12:43 Adam But he's never had any of the course. This guy's a mess.

12:47 Caller He's a mess?

12:48 Adam Yes.

12:48 Caller Why do you say that?

12:49 Adam Because he's 34 and he's never had a physical encounter with another human being past kissing.

12:55 Drew That is abnormal.

12:57 Caller When I thought, when he told me that, yeah, I did think that that was kind of abnormal and crazy, but then I put myself in issues and I realized that maybe it's not all that abnormal.

13:08 Drew It is. Okay, let's all put ourselves in issues. It is, it's abnormal.

13:12 Adam I kill myself by putting myself in issues.

13:13 Drew And it's probably because some sort of trauma in childhood is a sexual abuse.

13:16 Adam Something's up with him, but be that as it may, does he live in the same town with his parents?

13:22 Caller Yeah.

13:23 Adam How close does he live to them?

13:25 Caller Probably would be about 30 minutes away, but they own a business together.

13:30 Drew Oh boy.

13:31 Adam So he's got to go into work every day with them?

13:34 Caller Yes.

13:35 Adam All right. That's going to be some pressure.

13:38 Caller Yeah. I used to work for him as well.

13:42 Adam Well, listen, I'm not so sure you can get somebody to do something that they don't want to do, especially when they work with their parents and especially when they're 36.

13:51 Drew 34. I think he just got to accept, let him do it in his own way at his own time. And you just, you know.

13:55 Caller It's not that I want him to do something that he doesn't want to do. It's just, I want to be a part of his life more than what I already am. And I don't think-

14:03 Drew That may not have anything to do with his parents.

14:06 Caller Well, I don't think that's going to be able to, you know, blossom unless he does come out with his parents.

14:12 Adam Yeah, but you know, if he does come out, his parents may fire him.

14:16 Caller Well, I don't think that's going to happen, but-

14:19 Adam Well, okay. How long have you guys been going at it?

14:22 Caller Well, going at it, I'm not sure, but we've been together for about a year and two months.

14:26 Adam That's what I call the gay relationship. I say going at it.

14:29 Caller Going at it, well-

14:30 Adam I say going out, but with gays, I say going at it. So it's been over a year.

14:35 Caller It's been over a year, yeah.

14:36 Adam And he's in love with you?

14:39 Caller Yes, he's verbally told that to me and I've definitely told that to him as well. I am in love with him and I just don't know how we can continue a relationship when I'm out and he's not and I feel like-

14:52 Adam What about it? Does his parents see you two together? No, no, no. Mm-hmm. All right. So on one hand it's like, well, let the guy do whatever on his own time or don't pressure him. On the other hand, they've been together for over a year.

15:08 Drew How much longer his parents can be around?

15:10 Adam Oh, you're saying he should kill his parents?

15:13 Drew No, just wondering how much longer-

15:15 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

15:16 Adam How old are his parents?

15:19 Caller Probably in their 50s. I think 50s or 60s.

15:23 Drew That ain't bad.

15:24 Adam It could be a while. What business is he in?

15:29 Caller He's in a, I don't know if I should say that.

15:34 Adam I'm bored with my own question. All right, so here's the thing. What do you do? It's been 14 months.

15:39 Drew I think you just keep going. It's uncomfortable. You keep asking for more, but-

15:44 Adam What? You set a time?

15:46 Drew I don't know. It's hard to say, because it's not like their intimacy is suffering. You know, they have a real intimacy. It's just the range of their life experience is sort of restricted, and he feels sort of bad, and it's sort of a self-esteem issue for our caller.

16:01 Adam Cut him off, sexually. How about that?

16:04 Drew That's what we do to-

16:05 Adam And listen, do you really want that? I mean, you know what I mean? Do you want to go over to dad and mom's house for Thanksgiving and have dad giving you the stink eye across the table and the brother who's just back from, like just got thrown out of the Marines for fighting with the superior officer, getting drunk and like, hey, Barry, you're blowing my brother. And you know what I mean? Like, did you even want that?

16:32 Drew And it's because evidently Joey had a good experience when he came out. He's expecting, well, if you just come out, everyone will be fine. Not necessarily, not necessarily so.

16:40 Adam I'm not so sure Joey had a great experience when he came out either, but that may not be the situation. All I'm saying is, is yes, their parents may reject him. They may reject you. You may end up getting a guy who's been fired from his parents' business or ex-communicated from their life and now resents you and looks at you as the cause of this.

17:02 Drew And just because he tells them doesn't mean he's more comfortable around them or that again, you're gonna get this sort of openness that you're looking for. No, it doesn't seem capable.

17:08 Adam It's not like he's gonna be high-fiving with his dad. Hey, did you get some last night? Oh yeah, I came a good cornhole. That's right. Oh, I taught him well. You think you're, you're not gonna get that. I wouldn't, okay. I wouldn't want it if I was Joey. Nicole? You're 23?

17:25 Caller I am. My problem is, is I've developed a rash under my left breast.

17:30 Adam Mm-hmm.

17:31 Caller And I just don't know if it's something that will go away or if I should go see my doctor.

17:36 Drew Is it red right in the crease?

17:38 Caller It's, well, it started out red, but now there's like little bubbles.

17:43 Drew Is it right in the crease?

17:44 Adam Bubbles.

17:44 Caller Yeah, and it kind of goes around from like the middle of my chest to like the side of my back.

17:48 Drew All the way to your back.

17:49 Caller Mm-hmm.

17:50 Drew It could be shingles.

17:51 Adam What size are you?

17:53 Caller My breast?

17:54 Caller Yeah.

17:59 Drew It's basically one of two things. It's either shingles.

18:02 Adam Don't know your cup size?

18:04 Caller Well, I haven't really bought a new bra for a while because I'm poor.

18:09 Drew That's poor, huh?

18:10 Adam I'm gonna start a program called Bras For Bras. This is women who are working, who are single mothers, who are students who don't have enough to buy bras and have outgrown the cup size that they formerly had. But I gotta know B or C.

18:28 Caller I'm pretty sure I'm up to a C now.

18:30 Adam C, 36 C? You're calling, you're from the Portland area? Okay, we'll rush some out to you. You're an underwire girl? You like the snap? You like the hasp in the front or in the back? In the back? They moved to the front at some point and then they moved back to the back again. Am I right, Nicole?

18:52 Caller It was in the front when I was about 14 and my dexterity was kind of off.

18:57 Adam Yeah.

18:57 Caller And then it just kind of moved to the back.

18:59 Adam Yeah, somebody started the bra off by putting it in the back and that seemed a little difficult for the ladies. And then somebody thought, hey, I'll put it in the front. That's where they were when I was in high school. I remember my friends telling me where they were. Yeah. Drew was like the Fonz. He just, snap, bra comes bounding open. Yeah, he had like a genie garage door open. He had, Drew knows the movement. I don't know. It's a, it's sort of, it's a, there's a little finger blasting mix with dreidel spinning. I don't know how it works, but just pow! Comes right off, right, Drew? Okay, but the point is, is now they've moved the clasp back to the back again, right? Yeah.

19:40 Drew Crazy. But listen, Nicole, it's one of two things.

19:42 Adam It's nutty. It's total insanity. Yeah.

19:45 Drew Nicole. Does it hurt or burn?

19:49 Caller It hurts me because I'm gonna run through.

19:50 Drew That's shingles. It's shingles. It's shingles. You've gotta go see a doctor.

19:54 Adam It's bubbly though. Maybe it's herpes.

19:55 Drew But herpes, shingles is a herpes virus. And it's a, it's a, it's a herpes type virus that causes a rash in a, and basically it comes out in a nerve, in a single nerve distribution. That's why it goes all the way around from the back. And it's, it inflames the nerve and it causes a lot of pain. And when the rash goes away, if you don't take medicine during the time when there's a rash, the pain you're having now can be permanent. It's very uncomfortable. So there are yeast infections also under the breast that get a little bubbly, but that's right in the crease. And it doesn't really hurt. It kind of burns a little bit, but if it hurts a lot, then that's shingles.

20:29 Adam Hey, and Nicole, before I send you out the bra, I'm gonna let you clear up the shingles so we don't infect the new bra, okay?

20:37 Drew Well, it actually especially needs the new bra so she can dispose of the old ones.

20:41 Adam Yeah. You may have to go bra-less for, let's just say the winter, but it should come out by the spring.

20:46 Caller I've been bra-less for about the past two weeks.

20:48 Drew Because of the pain, yeah.

20:49 Caller Yeah, I can't. I mean, I go home, when I'm at home, I'm topless completely.

20:54 Drew You're gonna need Zovarac, Valtrex, Zovarac, FAMVIR. These are the medicines for that. High doses.

20:58 Adam All right, we're gonna take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Jennifer. She's 18. She invited a 22-year-old coworker over one night. And now he won't leave. Keeps asking. What's that mean?

21:12 Drew Keeps asking to come back, I guess.

21:15 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

21:18 Caller Hello, this is your radio.

21:25 As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it. To find a testing location near you, call toll-free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

21:59 Caller Love, Maybe.

22:01 Adam The Host. Love, Time Between Each Other, Our Guest and I. I was watching, one of my favorite shows is a show on HBO called Autopsy. It's like Autopsy 6, you know? Which makes me mad when I give them the number designations because I always seem to start at 6 or 14 or 27. I'm always like, I love this show. Where'd the other 15 go that I missed? And where were they? I watch HBO every other day. I never saw one and they run things to death. But anyway, this time, and then they do these sort of police forensic stories but it's by real pathologists. And they, wait a minute, that pathologist, okay. So the point is, is they did an actual autopsy this time.

22:44 Drew Or you don't normally see them.

22:45 Adam They normally don't physically do the autopsy. They just interview the guys and show the crime scenes and stuff like that. And it's pretty graphic, but this time they're cutting into the chest plate and they got that electric pizza cutter out and stuff. And I just, I had to turn my head.

23:02 Drew Really? You're a pussy. I didn't know that.

23:03 Adam Huge puss. Oh, they got into the brain and stuff.

23:06 Drew Yeah, he's unsawed.

23:08 Adam No, no, not for me. You know why? You know, I work around too many power tools and it bothers me to see tool. When I see tools going into flesh, I just, I think of an accident on the job site. But as long as the guy's dead, wouldn't it be fun to see what a 16 penny nail would do?

23:25 Drew I'll tell you what is weird is when you're struggling with a patient, you know, you're struggling, struggling, and then they're dead, and then you go do the autopsy.

23:30 Adam Yeah, you've been hanging out with them for a month, and now you get the pizza cutter out.

23:34 Drew That's a little weird.

23:35 Adam They're gonna cut right into that chest plate. Can't we just run people through scanners or something? And here's the other thing too. We do a lot of exhuming of bodies, you know? They dig up bodies all the time. It's like her first husband, you know, once they found out she'd given the cyanide to her last husband, well, then they had to look into her other husband who died in 1974. The body was in relatively good shape. They always do that. They're always digging people up. Like, look, why don't we just put them in a Ziploc and put them somewhere with a tag on them or something? We keep digging them up.

24:08 Drew Why don't we like keep samples, like the Egyptians did, little jars, and leave the body behind?

24:13 Adam Yeah, I mean, that's just gotta be a huge pain in the ass, not only for, you know, the grieving family, but just, what about the poor schmuck who's getting eight bucks an hour? Bob, yeah, yeah, get the backhoe. What do you mean? He's been on the ground for 22 years, have been manicurizing. Yeah, we're bringing him up. Gonna need you to pop the lid on it. They always do that. They always pull him up and they're just fine. I mean, they're dead, but other than that, they're fine. They're like, yeah, the body was amazingly well-preserved and we got tissue counts, it was high levels of fun. And they just do that every time. Oh yeah. Here's the other thing I watch on those shows too. They cut the, they got these, they had this one guy was the angel of death. He was the, like the mercy killer, the hospital guy. Everyone who was in there got hooked up to life support. They killed them, you know? And they popped them for killing two or three people, but he could have gone as high as 50. And you know, he could have been one of the most prolific American serial killers, but I still bet the other serial killers who basically just, you know, kill 15 year old prostitutes kind of scoff at him. Yeah, yeah, what'd you do? Tweak his breathing tube? Yeah, that took a lot of work. Sure, I got a van where I had to tint the windows and pick up prostitutes on the street, cops all over the place. What'd you do? Just pull someone's trache tube out? Give me a break. That's nothing. But I mean, it must not garner a whole lot of respect in the serial killer community, but here's the thing.

25:43 Drew When they have the conventions.

25:45 Adam Yeah, welcome serial killers. What'd you do? The guy was 94 and I pulled a catheter out of his dork and I bled to death. Nice. My granddaughter could have done that. All right, so here's what. This guy's killing everybody. And they always do this. The serial killers always do this. They go like, look, I don't want the death penalty. It's weird that they're so enamored with death. That's like their whole life is death. But then when it comes to them, they're pussies. They're like, I don't want to die. Really? It seems like almost something you'd be looking forward to.

26:20 Drew No, you gotta understand something. When people do that kind of thing, other people do not exist. They do not exist to them.

26:26 Adam Well, cause they're dead. They don't know what you're saying. Yeah, they can't. So these guys always do this thing where they go, look, I know there's, you know, you got me for killing nine people, but I don't want to die. There's another 20 or 30 people I killed that I'll tell you about, you know, if you agree not to kill me. And they're always like, okay. And then they tell them about the other 40 people they snuffed and they're like, all right, what do you like? What do you want to get the chicken? Or are you allergic to anything, balsamic vinegar or anything? Cause yeah, you get some cable. What do you like? Like Showtime or Cinemax? That's it? Oh, now they just confessed to killing the other 40 people. Well, we can't go back on our words. I mean, police word could get out in the serial killing community that we were two-faced, fork-tongued. I said, we just kill them anyway. Can we just do that? This other great one, this is an amazing case. This woman, she's young, she's like 20, marries this maniac in Canada. But the guy sort of looks like guy, he looks like the seventh member of Duran Duran. It's just like his white guy is like 23. He's got that sort of flock of seagulls kind of look to him. And this guy's a homicidal maniac. He kills her sister, rapes her sister, younger sister, sodomizes her right in front of her, makes her go down on her sister for birthday present. It's like insanity. She marries him two months later, it's a 15 year old sister's dead, starts killing a bunch of 15 year olds. Then, so at a certain point, the woman comes to the police after he gets caught and says, look, I'll tell you everything that this guy did. I just want, you know, you gotta cut me a deal. And they're like, okay, well, we'll cut you a break. Just tell us everything he did. And she tells him all these gruesome, horrible stories. It would kidnap 15 year old women and sort of keep them barely alive while he did horrible, unthinkable acts to them. She was right there the whole time, but she played that I was scared sort of thing. But by the way, I'm done with that. You know, a whole part where you're scared for your own life and he's raping the 15 year old in the bathroom. Go ahead and step out the front door and start screaming bloody murder, would you?

28:44 Drew Yes.

28:45 Adam I'd like to hold you somewhat capable for this as well. But then they find a bunch of video tapes of this horrible things he's doing. And she's there laughing the whole time, but they're like, yeah, we already cut the deal with her. So she's cool. Really? What about the videotape we now found? I mean, we cut the deal before we found all the videotape where you stood around handing the guy towels. Well, he raped and killed people, didn't it? We're not going to factor that in. Can we just go back on our word just a little bit? What's your word mean to a serial killer? Really? Is there some problem here?

29:16 Drew Oh, but you'll be as bad as a serial killer. You'll be just as bad as they will if you lie to them.

29:20 Adam Really?

29:21 Drew You would be, Adam.

29:22 Adam Is word going to get out in the serial killing community?

29:24 Drew What is the logic of that?

29:26 Adam I don't know. I would instruct all my people to cut everyone deals. Like, listen, we're setting you up on a, you go on an island in the Bahamas and I'm gonna get you hookers and what do you like? You like pineapple? Pineapple? They're gonna take those rings of pineapple, put them around your penis and give you oral sex, really eat off them. Beautiful underage Polynesian woman. Just tell us one murder. Just one. Just one. Okay, kill him! Kill him! That's what I'd do. And their thing would be like, see, the police are like, yeah, but if word gets out that this, word would never get out, he'd be dead. No one would know about my Polynesian vacation promise. Oh, we do this all the time. There's just all this, you don't know all the deals these guys cut with everybody. They get two guys, one guy kills half the people, the other guy kills the other, and they cut a deal with the guy. It will be easy on you. Just help us with your buddy. That's nice.

30:19 That's nice.

30:20 Drew That's nice, Tom.

30:21 Adam That's nice. Jennifer?

30:23 Yes?

30:24 Adam You're 18?

30:25 Caller Yes.

30:26 Adam Oh yeah. So you invited your 22 year old coworker over one night.

30:30 Drew And?

30:32 Caller And he won't leave.

30:36 Drew He stayed in your house?

30:38 Caller Yeah.

30:40 Adam Is he still there?

30:41 Caller Yeah.

30:43 Drew Adam will get him to leave for you.

30:44 Adam How long has it been?

30:45 Caller About three weeks.

30:47 Adam He's not left your house in three weeks?

30:50 Caller Yeah.

30:51 Caller And I told him that he could not stay there and that he has to leave and he just won't leave.

30:56 Drew Put him on the phone with us.

30:59 Caller I left.

31:00 Drew Oh, you left.

31:01 Adam Oh, you're out.

31:02 Caller Oh yeah.

31:03 Caller I'm going to stay at my parents' house.

31:05 Adam Does he like you?

31:06 I have no idea.

31:10 Adam You don't know whether he is interested in you?

31:12 Caller I think that he does, but I don't know. I don't want him there.

31:16 Drew What was sort of the presumption of what he was coming over for that first night? Was it for dinner or something or just hang out?

31:23 Caller We went out and got drunk and then came back. I told him he could stay the night and I went to class the next morning and came back and he was still there and he's been there ever since.

31:34 Adam Do you see him at work?

31:36 Caller Yeah.

31:36 Adam Hold on, Drew, shut that stupid book.

31:39 Drew You have a call coming up about this.

31:41 Adam I don't want to look at that book. Drew got the crazy anatomy book where they lop off everyone's penis and there's vaginal, like, tongues in them and stuff. Come on, Drew. All right, oh wait, did she see him at work or not? You do?

31:57 Drew What kind of work do you do?

31:58 Adam I work in a restaurant. Yeah, this is typical restaurant behavior. And what's he say to you? What's his story? If we talk to him and don't tell us, I don't know, if I got him on the phone right now and said, look, what are you doing? That's not your house. She wants you out of your house. What would he say?

32:17 Caller He's telling people that he lives with me.

32:19 Drew Are you guys boyfriend girlfriend as far as he's concerned?

32:23 Caller No.

32:24 Adam Have you ever had sex with him?

32:25 Caller No.

32:27 Adam Have you kissed him?

32:28 Caller No.

32:30 Adam Did he agree to pay rent?

32:32 Caller No.

32:33 Drew Is he psychotic?

32:35 Caller I think.

32:36 Adam Why don't you call the cops?

32:39 Caller Is that what I should do?

32:41 Adam Yes. I hate calling the cops, but call the cops.

32:44 Drew Absolutely. We know all the Culver City guys. They'll tell us about it.

32:49 Adam Call the cops. Just tell them to get this guy out of there.

32:52 Drew You asked him to leave. He's squatting. It's your house. You pay the rent. Your name's on the lease. He's gone.

32:57 Adam Is your name on the lease?

32:58 Caller Yeah.

32:59 Adam Is it an apartment?

33:01 Caller Yeah.

33:02 Adam And you're just renting it yourself?

33:04 Caller Yeah.

33:04 Adam No roommates or anything like that?

33:06 Caller I have a dog.

33:08 Drew Don't you have any male friends or anything that can go get him and get him out of there?

33:11 Adam What about just some of your buddies going there to kick his ass?

33:13 Caller No, I just moved up there to go to college and I really don't know anyone.

33:17 Drew I know one at work.

33:20 Adam Well, what about them? What's their feeling on this guy? What about your manager at work?

33:28 Drew Well, you gotta tell them.

33:30 Adam You see your manager, right?

33:31 Drew I mean, one of Jennifer's is a psychotic one.

33:33 Wait, has she asked him to leave?

33:36 Drew She says she has been explicitly telling him to leave.

33:38 Adam Wait, what's he do? He's a bartender or a bus boy? He's a what? A server. Okay, you guys have a manager, right?

33:47 Yeah.

33:48 Drew And he's able to go to work during the day?

33:50 Yeah.

33:51 Drew Call a locksmith and when he goes out to work, change the locks. Jennifer? He doesn't have a key. So how does he get in and out?

34:03 He's just there. He just won't leave.

34:06 Drew You said he goes to work.

34:07 Yeah.

34:08 Drew When he goes to work, lock the door. Why is that so hard for you?

34:13 Caller Because I'd have to see him at work.

34:18 Drew Then you tell your manager that you're being sexually harassed.

34:23 Adam Okay. One to see. You know everyone's shift, right?

34:27 Caller Yeah.

34:28 Adam Next time he has a shift, you go to work or you go home and you lock him out and you tell your manager that's where he are.

34:35 Drew You tell him ahead of time. You tell your manager exactly what you're going to do. You know, it takes two to tango. You know what I mean? Well, this guy knew he could take advantage of Jennifer. Jennifer cannot come to her own defense at all.

34:48 Adam God knows what he's doing to the dog sexually. You know what I mean, Drew? Yeah.

34:55 Drew I didn't hear her mention a dog.

34:56 Adam She has a dog. Jennifer?

34:58 Caller Yeah.

34:58 Adam Do you have a dog?

35:00 Drew Yes.

35:01 Adam Is it at home with that sexual predator?

35:03 Caller No, it's with me. Good.

35:08 Adam What kind of dog is this? Can't that dog attack him?

35:14 Drew Yes it can. There you go.

35:17 Adam It's all they do. Or are they just bitchy to their owners?

35:21 Drew No, to everybody. Except predators, interestingly.

35:24 Adam You know what would be a nice pay-per-view for me? Just-

35:27 Drew Chihuahua chucking?

35:29 Adam Yeah. I was thinking kicking. I was thinking taking-

35:33 Drew How about just punt, pass and throw?

35:34 Adam Yeah, that's good. I was thinking, it's punt, pass and kick.

35:37 Drew Kick, I think you're part of it.

35:38 Adam I would like to see some international soccer stars and some old style NFL kickers, the ones that, not the side winders, just straight ahead kickers.

35:50 Drew With the big toe.

35:51 Adam Big steel toe in there. And just pow. Just Tom Dempsey style. Pow. Just Chihuahua's just being teed up and we see who can make it. Even the worst, the best Chihuahua in the world still. I would laugh, laugh like a hyena, which is my next competition. They're going to be harder to kick. Chihuahuas, don't eat them. Let's just kill them all. One bullet, get rid of all of them. They're that small. Drew, what do you want to know?

36:19 Drew Forgot. When did they get rid of the steel toe stuff?

36:22 Adam The soccer kick style kickers that were coming in about the early 80s.

36:26 Drew But didn't it seem, doesn't it seem like bringing back the steel toe would be a way to extend things a bit?

36:31 Adam I think they made the kicking shoe illegal.

36:33 Drew Yeah.

36:35 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll talk more about NFL and more about penal codes and what we should do with the serial killers all after this.

37:05 Drew Check it out.

37:13 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Randy, the Macho Man Savage in here tomorrow night, and Kelly Osborne, who I saw sing a song at the Playboy Mansion a few weeks ago, but I was so toasted by then. I just-

37:30 Drew Nice. You were served up the next day to me.

37:36 Adam Let me tell you something, too. I'm thinking about a lawsuit because I was over-served. I was definitely over-served, and someone has to pay. You see? Good. Because after the first five or six high balls, I can't be responsible for the number of high balls I drink after that. And again, when you're over-served, you got to blame somebody. And it ain't the person in the mirror. I'll tell you that right now. God, was I hung over the next day.

38:02 Drew I know. You're a delight. Delight.

38:04 Adam That was a mess.

38:05 Drew Yeah.

38:07 Adam Karen? You're 17. What's up?

38:12 Caller Um, OK, I have a question. My, I guess I'm like not normal down there.

38:19 Drew What's the problem?

38:20 Caller Well, I didn't like think anything, but like a boyfriend that I was with like two years had said something like, he said I was a normal. I went to the doctor and she said like I had like enlarged inner lips or something.

38:33 Drew Well, Adam, here's a picture of that. It just so happens. And there's a surgery that they look at. Look how nice it looks afterwards.

38:39 Adam What's the first picture?

38:41 Drew What's the troubled picture there and here?

38:44 Adam Oh, man. I don't even know what that was. It's like a, those are a huge wad of chewing gum and pigeon crap and just balled all together and mashed it onto someone's crotch.

38:55 Drew Here, look, this is after the operation. This is after the operation.

38:59 Adam Yeah, it's tough with the glare, but yeah.

39:02 Drew Anyway, there are, there are aesthetic labia procedures that people will do that seem fairly successful. And if that's something you want to do, that's something you can consider later on. But probably.

39:12 Adam How about just growing, well, you know, let me tell you something, ladies. Guys do a lot of work with beards. What I mean is, is you'll see that fat guy who grows a beard and then carves it in and essentially carves himself a jawline. You see the guy with the real weak chin, he grows a grotille, looks kind of good. How about you just train that hedge over that stump? You know what I'm saying?

39:37 Drew Yeah, about as explicitly as can be said.

39:39 Adam Well, I just mean you got an old stump out in the yard, it's not good looking. Raccoon's been chewing on it.

39:46 Drew Train that ivy over it?

39:47 Adam Train that ivy right over it. How about that Karen?

39:51 Caller All right, well I'm just like, I'm most like another guy would like freak out or.

39:55 Drew No, that'd be fine. Listen, listen.

39:56 Adam Well.

39:57 Drew No.

39:58 Adam Well, they're not huge fans of it, but the love is love.

40:02 Drew They're just happy if you're there.

40:03 Adam They do have surgeries though, as Drew pointed out.

40:05 Caller No, but I think they're all expensive.

40:07 Drew Probably.

40:08 Adam Well, by the way, is there's no cheap surgery, right?

40:11 Drew No.

40:12 Adam What's the cheapest, Drew?

40:13 Drew I might have like a wart removal or something. Yeah.

40:18 Adam Karen. How about getting a wart removed from down there? Evidently, that's pretty inexpensive. All right, so here's the thing. If a guy, this is how you know if a guy's in love.

40:30 Drew Yeah.

40:31 Adam And guys aren't that, they don't care what's going on down there. You're fine. But again, you could use a little of the hair, right? Could you?

40:40 Drew Karen, relax. You're fine, relax.

40:42 Adam Yeah. You guys, guys don't mind a little hair down there.

40:47 Drew No, they're fine.

40:48 Adam They're fine. I don't trust the guys that don't want any hair down there.

40:51 Drew No, it's a little weird.

40:52 Adam It is, right? Thank you.

40:56 Drew Vindicated, I'm sure.

40:57 Adam Look at these magazines where all the ladies have extra hair.

41:02 Drew Extra hair, 1976 Playboy.

41:07 Adam Melissa? You're 20? Drew, do we gotta take a break? Okay.

41:14 Drew In six minutes.

41:16 Adam Oh, really? Oh, we're on this side of that thing?

41:18 Drew What are you talking about?

41:19 Adam I forgot which break we're in. Yeah, yeah. I thought we were running late.

41:22 Drew No, no, no, we had the 40 minute break.

41:23 Adam Hey, what's up there, Melissa?

41:25 Drew You have never done that before. It's pretty good.

41:27 Adam I know.

41:27 Drew Wow. And you were hungover last week.

41:30 Adam No, no.

41:30 Drew It still affects you. One week. One week of content.

41:36 Caller I'm back.

41:37 Drew All right, Melissa, what's up?

41:40 Caller Well, I met my boyfriend when I was 14 and we had sex when I was 15. And I really don't think I've ever had an orgasm and I'm 20.

41:51 Adam You still with the same guy?

41:53 Drew Yeah.

41:54 Adam Have you been faking?

41:57 Drew Yeah.

41:58 Adam God bless you. God bless you.

42:00 Drew But the problem with faking is it doesn't urge the guy on to performing, you know, to try to find his way to-

42:07 Adam Yeah, it'd be like if a teacher was faking the test scores and just putting an A at the top of every time a guy handed in a D-

42:14 Drew You just handed blank papers.

42:15 Adam You start, well, you just start scribbling some stuff, stick figures on it and they just put a big fat A and hand it back. Doesn't make you work, yeah.

42:22 Caller Well, the thing is I didn't fake it for two years and then he started wondering if it was totally him and I don't really think it's him.

42:31 Adam Did you start faking it that night?

42:34 Caller Huh?

42:35 Adam Did you start faking it that night?

42:37 Drew Yeah.

42:39 Adam That's nice.

42:40 Drew How was it with guys? Now I believe that.

42:44 Adam Well, it's called serendipity, buddy.

42:46 Drew Oral sex, Melissa?

42:49 Caller No, I'm kind of afraid of it.

42:52 Drew That's the missing ingredient.

42:53 Caller Kind of creeps me out.

42:54 Adam Well, me too, but I do it. God knows. But what, seriously, why is that creepy out? I mean, you've been with this guy for five years. Six years.

43:05 Caller I tried it when I was 14, and then all of a sudden he said, Ooh, bad smell. And it kind of put me off.

43:11 Adam What I love about women, and let me tell you something about women. Women are so stupid, Drew. All you gotta do is, it's almost like they're like dogs. You get to screw with them one time, and that's it. It's like one guy gets in at 14, he's like, was, ooh, that's funky. And that's it for the rest of your life? No oral sex? The thing that women crave most?

43:30 Drew Imagine, just twitch it around and make it a male now. Girl goes down there and says, oh my God, what would the guy do?

43:36 Adam Now I have to get as much, now I have to quit my job and go on some sort of oral tour where I'm obsessed with receiving oral. Yeah, that's what guys do, that we get more oral.

43:45 Drew But they would certainly just say, oh yeah, okay, so.

43:47 Adam Yeah, get down, get busy. What do you think, you got rose garden down there? Start sucking. That's what a guy does.

43:54 Drew Yes, please.

43:55 Adam I love the fact that it's so easy to just, it's like, well, I almost drowned in a pool when I was nine. I can't look at water anymore.

44:05 Drew Again, it speaks volumes about the motivational priorities of the brain, how different they are in the men than the women.

44:10 Adam Yes.

44:10 Caller I also had a seizure when I was 12 and I've never eaten tuna because that's what I ate before it.

44:16 Adam Okay, so.

44:16 Drew Seizure is a little more of a powerful negative reinforcer, I'd say.

44:19 Adam If you remember what we would call simple.

44:21 Drew Yeah, you think you had seizure from tuna?

44:24 Caller Well, I know it's not from tuna. It just kind of put me off tuna.

44:29 Caller I never really liked it anymore.

44:31 Drew So now the fish smells especially traumatizing to her.

44:33 Adam It's ironic that the tuna is the.

44:36 Caller It was just traumatizing because I woke up 40 minutes later in an ambulance with throw up all over myself and not really seeing anything.

44:44 Adam Okay, but good times. Well, look, you're gonna need some oral, sweetie.

44:49 Caller Okay, the other question I had was.

44:52 Drew Yes, please.

44:52 Caller I've masturbated and I'm not sure I'm doing it the right way because I never really go inside. I rub the outer.

45:00 Adam That's what you want.

45:02 Drew Outside's where the action is. Outside is fine.

45:05 Caller Outside is fine?

45:06 Adam Yeah, but you're not having an orgasm, right?

45:09 Caller Well, not during sex and it's just kind of.

45:12 Adam No, but what about during masturbation?

45:16 Caller Yeah, it's not excruciatingly big orgasm. Like, I've never really had that wow orgasm.

45:22 Adam You're breaking my heart. You're having an orgasm, right?

45:25 Drew She may not be. She may not be. She probably isn't.

45:28 Adam Melissa's 20.

45:31 Drew Yeah, I was like talking to a 15 year old. That's right. That's good.

45:33 Adam No, it's good. No, it's good. It's better. It's good. No, it's great. Melissa?

45:37 Caller Yeah.

45:38 Adam Do you think you're having an orgasm when you masturbate?

45:41 Caller Yeah, well, there's the buildup and then there's the release, but it's not really satisfying.

45:48 Drew Are you on medication?

45:50 Caller Trileptal.

45:52 Drew It's possible that's affecting this. You're on that for your seizures?

45:55 Adam Oh yeah. Yeah, she says, yes.

45:58 Drew Melissa?

45:59 Caller Yeah.

45:59 Drew Are you on the trileptal for seizures?

46:01 Caller Yes.

46:02 Drew That's kind of an unusual... Wait, wait, wait. Do you have pseudo seizures?

46:10 Caller No, I have a partial complex.

46:12 Drew Partial complex seizures, all right. All right, well good times. Trileptal doesn't usually cause problems.

46:17 Adam What's a pseudo seizure? That's like a fake orgasm, right?

46:21 Drew Kind of, kind of. It's more complicated than that. It's probably the way people that have been traumatized have panic attacks, frankly. That's my theory about it. It looks like a seizure, but there's no seizure activity in there.

46:31 Adam Let me say this very quickly before we go to break. All you simpletons out there who are just like, hey, I tried this once, I don't like it, or I associate this with that or whatever. I made me vomit one time. First off, if I did that with booze, where would I be now?

46:44 Drew Wouldn't be as drunk as you are tonight.

46:45 Adam That's right. I got right back on that booze horse. Let me tell you something. I vomited all over myself when I was 15. I fell asleep in my own driveway. Woke up my feet hanging out of a shrub.

46:55 Drew Still pulling gravel out of your face.

46:57 Adam I had gravel in my face when I finally climbed into bed the next morning. But did I quit boozing?

47:02 Drew Of course not.

47:03 Adam I didn't quit boozing. You people, with your tuna, I ate some tuna. Now I can't eat any more. Please eat that tuna, let him eat that tuna when it's all get along. We'll be back.

47:15 Here it is, bottom line, it sucks being single today.

47:18 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

47:21 Caller Call the Dateline, call the Dateline, call the Dateline.

47:23 1-877-889-DATE.

47:28 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready. Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew. Call Loveline at 1-800-LOVE-191.

48:22 Adam I'm Adam Lens, Dr. Drew, the Randy Man, the Randy Man. Randy Savage, the Macho Man, although the Randy Man.

48:31 Drew We'll call him that tomorrow. See how he likes that.

48:32 That's how that works, Drew. Maybe the missionary position.

48:37 Drew Like taters.

48:38 Mm-hmm, and French fried potatoes.

48:41 Adam Mm-hmm, ate them with my sling blade. All right, so Randy Macho Man Savage in here tomorrow night, and Kelly Macho Man Osborne in here on Tuesday night.

48:52 Drew You know, Jack was in the Olsen Twin film.

48:55 Adam Jack Osborne.

48:56 Drew Yeah, he and I flew up one time together.

48:58 Adam Really?

48:59 Drew Yeah, he did a good job.

49:00 Adam Mm-hmm.

49:01 Drew He's got an infomericate.

49:02 Adam Oh, sure.

49:03 Drew So Kelly actually told me that.

49:05 Adam Does he know which one's magic?

49:07 Drew He could, yeah, yeah, yeah.

49:09 Adam I watched a little Full House over the week.

49:12 Drew God, oh my God.

49:14 Adam These girls must have been one and a half, too, and they're hitting their marks and they're acting. They're like, give me five. The audience goes nuts. It must be weird to have just like, this is what you grow up with. You just, somebody says to you like, okay, I need you to walk out on stage. We're gonna tap you on the shoulder. You walk out, stop, look at Joey and say, no, you didn't. Okay, I know you don't know what that means, but the audience. So you walk out and you go, no, you didn't. And the audience just goes nuts. Everyone starts clapping. And I was just saying, like, you're two years old. How do you process that? What's it mean? How come no one's clapping when you're at home and you say something? Oh my God. I know, just say it. Do you know what they, it must've been just like little birds. They just went out, just repeat, just please repeat this. They couldn't read it or anything.

50:08 Drew Just, there's somebody have to be like, I think we're gonna say it, say it again, say it. Okay, do that.

50:12 Adam Give them a little Olsen treat. What if they had Olsen treats? Would be like Scooby. Amanda? You're 18? What's up?

50:24 Caller Basically, I cannot get a guy. And like, I don't know, I call the dateline, but you need like a credit card. And there's always a little sex thing attached to it too for whatever.

50:37 Drew Wait, wait. You're 18 years old. All right, you live by the beach.

50:42 Caller Yeah.

50:43 Drew And did you go to high school there?

50:46 Caller Well, I went to high school there for a year and then I went to Wyoming and I came back. I called a while back because of the throw up on the dick thing.

50:56 Drew What?

50:57 Caller I called like, I don't know, like a year ago. I was the one that threw up when giving a head or something.

51:03 Drew Or something in Wyoming?

51:05 Caller Well, yeah, that, yeah. I was the blind chick that called like.

51:08 Drew Blind? All right, and now you're in California and you're having trouble getting dates.

51:16 Caller Yeah, I've had trouble getting guys my whole life, but I don't know. And I, everyone told me to go out and do things. I can't get a ride anywhere. And like, I don't know.

51:26 Drew Wait, they call you to do things, but they're not willing to pick you up?

51:28 Caller No, they tell me, people tell me that I need to get out and do things.

51:32 Adam So are you totally blind?

51:34 Caller Yes.

51:35 Adam So what do you see?

51:36 Caller I see lights and crap. I see like shadows and things that they get close enough to me and like.

51:41 Adam Oh, you do?

51:42 Caller Yeah.

51:43 Adam You sleep with your eyes closed?

51:45 Caller Actually, my eyes go kind of all around my head and I can't control them unless I actually close them really, really tight. So yeah, I sleep with my eyes moving around. That's what I was told anyway.

51:56 Adam Give one of those eyeshades because it freaks people out when they see that.

52:03 Caller I don't think it's quite that too. I don't know.

52:07 Adam No, I just meant for when you're sleeping. I don't mean for during the day.

52:11 Drew You're cursed. What do you mean you're cursed?

52:17 Adam Well, look, here's the thing. You're 18. It's feast or famine when you're 18. There's about 20% of people that just have more relationships than they know what to do with and a line forming at the rear. And then there's others. Everybody else. It's just everybody else. Just awkward and can't get off the ground. And then you meet somebody and then you get some confidence and the next thing you know, you're in great shape. And then they break your goddamn heart, Drew. They tear it out.

52:44 Drew It's not even the confidence. You learn what you want, what you're looking for, what fits, what works.

52:52 Adam What do you want? Now, does a guy have to be attractive? I know you don't care what he looks like, but look at it this way and you're not a guy, but a guy goes out with an attractive woman 80% of the time so he can show her around to everybody else. Oh, your boobs are attractive? Well, you can figure that out, right?

53:19 Caller Well, yeah, but I don't go around touching people, comparing their boobs to mine. I mean-

53:23 Drew Yeah, but the guys do it and they tell you that.

53:25 Caller Yeah, but other girls tell me that, but sometimes, I don't know, I can't figure it out.

53:31 Adam All right, well, let's figure this out. Now, do you read Braille?

53:35 Caller Yeah, and I listen to books on tape because actually going through a Braille book takes way long because it takes longer to read Braille.

53:42 Adam I listen to books on tape, too, because I can't read.

53:46 Drew Same thing as Amanda.

53:46 Adam Are you able to work?

53:49 Caller I'm able to work. The system, no, will not, like the system, I'm actually gonna have to change the system because I'm probably gonna end up living in California because I'm waiting for a letter from the Housing Authority in Wyoming and I'm on SSI. My DVR counselor who's supposed to pay for whatever equipment, computer, reading equipment, whatever, if I get a job, she meets me twice. One meeting she leaves like way, way, way early. She meets me 10 minutes. She thinks I can't do anything. She wants me to go to a learning center which is where mentally retarded people go to learn things like cooking in the microwave, doing laundry, things I already know how to do.

54:23 Drew Yeah, but why don't you take, Amanda, why don't you start taking some direction? There are people who are professionals who have given you some advice and you know better.

54:31 Caller She keeps telling me to call her in six months, call her in six months, call her in six months, and that's all she tells me to do.

54:36 Adam No, wait, where do you live now?

54:38 Caller Well-

54:38 Adam You live with somebody?

54:40 Caller I'm with my parents right now waiting for a letter from the housing authority from Wyoming and I'm in California right now. And I'm probably gonna end up living in California because I won't get the letters from the housing authority.

54:51 Adam Okay, so here's the thing. A, I agree with Drew. You need to take whatever opportunities present themselves and I know some people seem like they have a bad attitude and they do because these people are underpaid and they're overworked and they don't really care.

55:05 Caller They don't care.

55:07 Adam Okay, they don't give a, they don't give a ass.

55:09 Drew They don't care as much as you would like them to.

55:10 Adam All right, but listen.

55:11 Drew But they know. They know what you need.

55:12 Adam But let me explain something to everybody. Money motivates people. And all you people that are out there doing jobs where nobody pays, like your school teacher, you're helping the handicapped, you're picking up garbage, whatever it is, you don't find a bunch. A, there's not a bunch of money. And B, there's not a bunch of people appreciating what you do. There's no incentive. Once in a while, some angel comes in and is willing to do this kind of stuff. But these are good people. Don't get me wrong. But they're not, you know, the guys call, the people that call you all the time are people that are trying to sell you something. The people who don't want your money, they call every six months, maybe. You know what I mean? You just, unfortunately, you can't expect the same performance out of them as you can out of guys trying to sell you a car. That's all.

55:56 Drew Yeah, the motivation may not be as intense, but on the other hand, this is a professional. She knows what Amanda needs. Amanda doesn't know what Amanda needs. Take some direction.

56:05 Adam Oh, Amanda.

56:06 Drew It's not working, Amanda.

56:07 Adam Amanda needs Amanda, but, and what about some sort of group, some sort of blind singles something?

56:15 Caller I don't think they have. It's not that I know.

56:17 Adam They gotta have. They gotta have groups. Yeah, you need a sighted guy. You need a nice, you know, you need a husky guy with bad skin.

56:26 Drew How did you lose your sight? How did you lose your sight?

56:34 Adam And see, it's never that lab fire that I always hope for. You know, it's always something kind of, I was just born that way. I see you never, you never did have sight. Okay, so you don't even know what good looking is. All right, you're fine then. But again, don't you want someone who's nice looking so your friends go, ooh, he's cute. Let me say this real quick. I know it all sounds horrible for Amanda, but I would argue that there's a lot of people that are willing to be friends with blind people, with handicapped people of all kinds, and who would be willing to date them and whatever. Hey, there's a whole segment of the population that actually is looking for that. And sense that a guy who's having- Okay, but there are, okay, that's true. But a guy who's having a little trouble in the chick department, who's had a long dry spell, is not going out with the head cheerleader, could find, I'd go out with a blind chick. Well, I'd set a big can, but I'd be like, I'd be lying constantly. She'd be climbing into my Chevette and be telling her it's a Cadillac. Ferrari. It's a Ferrari. I'd have to put in a cassette that had a Ferrari sound on it. There are guys out there, people who want to be your friend and there are people who want to date you. They're out there. You shouldn't be that closed off. There's something going on. They're good people out there.

58:09 Drew Yes, absolutely.

58:10 Adam Thank you. Melissa? You're 19?

58:15 Caller Yeah.

58:15 Adam What's up?

58:16 Caller I was wondering if like prolonged drug use and eating disorders can lead to like diabetes.

58:26 Drew Yeah. Why? What's happening?

58:28 Caller Well, I've been like having to pee all the time, like really tired, feeling, yeah, like fatigued, like maybe a little blood sugar.

58:40 Drew Are you overweight?

58:41 Caller No.

58:42 Drew Are you way, way underweight?

58:44 Caller No, I'm like average.

58:46 Drew But you're bulimic?

58:47 Caller Not anymore, but I was for six years.

58:50 Drew And what did that stop?

58:52 Caller Like five months ago.

58:54 Drew And what drug were you using?

58:56 Caller Oh, like everything.

58:58 Adam Well, good times. Hey, Drew, what about being bulimic when you're, you know, 13 and 19? I mean, there's adolescent years. I mean, could that screw you up forever?

59:10 Caller Yeah.

59:11 Adam It should.

59:11 Drew Change your growth and things, yeah.

59:14 Adam How are you doing? Are you okay? I mean, beside that.

59:16 Caller You mean like physically? I mean, I feel a little like run down, but I'm okay. Like I'm not like particularly unhealthy.

59:27 Drew It's not the typical situation you end up with diabetes. So you ought to get, you ought to get checked. Very simple thing, very simple blood test.

59:33 Caller Like I've been to a lot of doctors lately for all sorts of things and all the doctors are horrible. Like I can't get one doctor I can just talk to straight and say like, I know that these things are wrong with me. And like, what does that mean? Like I've just, I can't find a doctor who like is, like knows anything.

59:49 Adam Drew, what's wrong with your profession? What's going on? Insurance companies, lawyers?

59:54 Caller Well, I'm on HMO.

59:57 Adam They don't have any time for you? They don't want to talk? You got like three seconds per patient.

1:00:01 Drew That's right.

1:00:02 Adam You get a minute now. Drew says now because the HMO is he can't, he's not permitted to speak to his patients. He has to nod. He gets two nods. He can either do a no or yes.

1:00:13 Drew He can do hand signs to assistants.

1:00:15 Adam He's like a third base coach. He goes to his belt. That means high blood pressure. You do the arm thing. It's anemia.

1:00:22 Drew Grab the bill in my cap.

1:00:23 Adam Well, that's the indicator. That lets them know that a sign is coming. So you go to the cap, that means sign on. Then to the belt, it's high blood pressure.

1:00:31 Drew Arm, diabetes.

1:00:32 Adam Diabetes to the arm, but you can wipe off the diabetes by going across the chest.

1:00:36 Drew But to do it above the upper gastric, it's coronary disease.

1:00:39 Adam Coronary, that's our ulcer. Pointing, pointing. Yeah, all right. And then what about hands on the hips?

1:00:47 Drew Hepatitis.

1:00:48 Adam Hepatitis, C?

1:00:50 Drew Ulcer of colitis.

1:00:51 Adam Ulcer of colitis is hands on the hips. All right, so if I go to the bill, that's the indicator, right? Then hands to the hips.

1:00:58 Drew Ulcer of colitis, you see.

1:00:59 Adam All right, again, go to the bill, that's the indicator. Swipe on the arm.

1:01:02 Drew Diabetes.

1:01:02 Adam Diabetes, again to the bill, go to the belt buckle now.

1:01:06 Drew Hypertension.

1:01:07 Adam Let's say swipe to the other arm.

1:01:10 Drew Ulcer.

1:01:10 Adam I didn't give the indicator.

1:01:11 Drew Oh, oh.

1:01:12 Adam I'm just saying, if you don't see the indicator, if you don't see the indicator, then we'll write the sign off.

1:01:18 Drew No move, no move.

1:01:20 Adam All right, Melissa.

1:01:22 Caller Uh-huh.

1:01:24 Adam I'm glad we could help.

1:01:25 Drew But wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no. But Melissa, so you don't have diabetes, right?

1:01:29 Caller Well, I haven't been checked, but I was just saying.

1:01:31 Drew You've been to multiple doctors and you haven't been tested?

1:01:33 Caller No, I've...

1:01:35 Drew It's the simplest test in the world.

1:01:37 Caller No, I've gone through different things. I just haven't thought to ask of that yet, but I'm just saying like most of the doctors that I've talked to, like, can't give me a student answer about anything.

1:01:46 Adam Why do you think you have diabetes and why?

1:01:48 Caller It just came up because I've had all these like weird symptoms, but it hasn't...

1:01:51 Drew The fatigue and the frequent urination is part of that.

1:01:53 Caller Yeah, and...

1:01:54 Adam Wait a minute, I got it too.

1:01:56 Drew But you have prostate problems. But Melissa, have you had blood tested in any of these tests? Okay, I guarantee you they check. Did they take a red top tube?

1:02:06 Caller I think it was blue.

1:02:07 Drew Blue or purple?

1:02:09 Caller It can be positive.

1:02:10 Drew It was red. They took blood sugar, I guarantee you.

1:02:13 Adam Okay, so red, red top tube, that's a, that's a scratch. Scratch your nose.

1:02:19 Drew Bill, scratch your nose.

1:02:20 Adam So the bill, then scratch your nose.

1:02:22 Drew Bill, ear, purple.

1:02:23 Adam Ears, purple, top tube. All right, so swipe on the arm.

1:02:27 Drew Both needs leukemia.

1:02:31 Adam That's great. It would be nice if you could just signal in, especially if you have bad news. You gotta talk to some family and tell them their daughter has leukemia. It's like, what's he doing? He's going to the bill. Now it's both hands to the knees. Ooh. It's rough. And you could even have one for like apologizing or something. It'd be nice, Drew. You never have to talk to any more of your patients. You take that. I'll take this. Devon.

1:02:58 Caller What's up, brother?

1:02:59 Adam You're 21. What's going on?

1:03:01 Caller I just wanted to let you guys know I've been listening for about eight years. I got about 600 Lovelines archived in my collection. Oh, do you? Yes, I'm truly a collector. I truly, I mean, I listen to a lot of talk radio. I'm obsessed with it. And there's not a better combination of personalities and entertainment than you guys. I mean-

1:03:19 Adam Well, thank you, Devin.

1:03:20 Caller I'll take you guys above anything, you know.

1:03:22 Drew Where are you calling from?

1:03:23 Caller I'm in New York now and I'm dying because New York misses you, you know. You're not on here anymore.

1:03:29 Adam Oh, we're not?

1:03:30 Caller No. I called you guys in the night you guys were off. It was about five months ago.

1:03:35 Adam I sort of remember that.

1:03:36 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:03:37 Adam And we should be on in New York.

1:03:38 Drew Yeah, I'm sure we'll be.

1:03:39 Caller Yeah, you should. I gotta call my friends in Seattle and have them send me tapes. It's pretty raw.

1:03:44 Adam Oh no. That is wonderful of you.

1:03:46 Drew Just call Westwood One and get them to sell it in New York.

1:03:48 Caller Yeah, it's crazy. And Drew, I loved your book. I mean, the story of Amber. I mean, that was just, I mean, that was as good as Fitzgerald, anything like that, you know?

1:03:56 Drew Oh my, Devon, I love you.

1:03:57 Adam Ella Fitzgerald wrote? It's amazing. Wow, Devon, you really know your material.

1:04:04 Caller I truly appreciate what you guys do. I mean, it's kind of embarrassing when I have to record your show all the time, when I'm going out with friends and stuff, but I just really love what you guys do.

1:04:13 Drew What are you doing in New York?

1:04:15 Caller I'm a music student. I study jazz.

1:04:18 Adam Wow.

1:04:19 Drew I want to be Devon.

1:04:20 Adam Sit and listen to Loveline and play a flugelhorn.

1:04:23 Drew What's your instrument?

1:04:24 Caller I study guitar.

1:04:26 Drew That's awesome.

1:04:28 Caller Jazz guitar, you know, not-

1:04:29 Adam I love that jazz guitar. That's real guitar.

1:04:32 Drew Yeah.

1:04:33 Adam Nothing better. That big hollowed out one. It's electric, but it's sort of acoustic. It's a little smooth. You know, it's the guitar of 60s porn. Yeah. You watch porn-

1:04:43 Drew Is that a mark of distinction? Are you glad to know that?

1:04:45 Adam There's porn from the 60s. There's a lot of that swinging cool cat guitar in there. All right, Devin, geez, thanks. What can we say? Do you have a question?

1:04:54 Caller Yeah, I actually do. I mean, I kind of made it entertaining for the screeners, but basically my question is, is that I'm- Because Brian, he always wants to cut people off for whatever reason.

1:05:04 Drew Devin's got a relationship with Brian here.

1:05:07 Caller Only like once, I recognized his voice, but no big deal. But anyway, basically I get, when I have sex with my girlfriend, I'm un-thoracized. And if you-

1:05:15 Adam The sex guy says it, yeah.

1:05:17 Caller The foreskin comes back and it gets very dry and it's kind of painful.

1:05:22 Drew During sex or subsequently?

1:05:23 Caller I mean, beyond the fact, you know, the next morning I wake up and I got it. I got to walk around for the next day and it hurts like a bitch, you know.

1:05:32 Adam Yeah, because here's the deal, the head of your penis is not used to having any friction really.

1:05:38 Drew But it's not the head, it's the foreskin.

1:05:39 Caller It's the foreskin coming back. It's well beyond where it should be and I can't get it back.

1:05:45 Adam It's getting pulled.

1:05:46 Drew Is it narrowing where it's tough to get it back or tough to get it back over the head of the penis?

1:05:50 Caller It seems like it folds over. You know what I mean? Like I got to like, you know, kind of stretch it outwards, you know.

1:05:56 Adam I'll tell you one good way to stretch it. My dad used to do this. He played the horn. And he would use a trumpet mute. You know what the mute is, true? Yeah, but that's the plunger bottom. The mute actually sticks into the thing and gives it that real high pitch.

1:06:10 Drew Oh, right.

1:06:11 Adam Forties gumshoe kind of. Yeah, you use the end of that. So it's just about right, that cone shaped thing.

1:06:18 Drew On the penis.

1:06:19 Adam You stretch the foreskin over the mute.

1:06:21 Drew I see.

1:06:22 Adam Yeah, do you have access to any mutes?

1:06:25 Caller Not that I could put on my foreskin.

1:06:27 Drew You know, wasn't there a trombone mute too?

1:06:30 Adam The tromb, yeah, I think there was. So whenever they give that high, that real high pitch sound to the trumpet or the trombone, I mean, it's had a mute in there. Hey, hey, Devin. I'll tell you what you need to do. You start pulling that foreskin back over the head of your penis.

1:06:45 Caller Like in the afternoon, right?

1:06:47 Adam Yeah, when you're not having sex. Pull it back and walk around your apartment in your underpants with it back that way.

1:06:53 Drew And you need to be sure there's not a yeast infection there. So you might want to get some Lamacil or Lotrimen, something like that. Use a little bit of that on there. Keep it super dry. Before you do any of that though, I would suggest you get some hydrocortisone cream and make sure that the inflammation is sort of dealt with. Just put some hydrocortisone on, keep it dry. If that clears it up fine. If it's still kind of irritated, then it's some yeast.

1:07:12 Adam Let's start training it so the only time the head pops out isn't when you're having sex.

1:07:17 Drew Right, and dry, dry, dry. The moisture is what causes some of the yeast and stuff.

1:07:20 Adam All right, we're gonna take ourselves a little break. God bless you, Devon, for taping the show. And we'll be right back after this.

1:07:35 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's most trusted condom for over 80 years.

1:07:56 Adam That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Randy Macho Man Savage in here tomorrow night, then Kelly Osborne in here the day after that. Yes, Drew.

1:08:05 Drew About what? I wasn't gonna tell him.

1:08:08 Adam Producer Anne is very upset.

1:08:09 Drew I don't blame her, I'm upset, I'm flipped out.

1:08:11 Adam How long have you been working with producer Anne?

1:08:13 Drew 20 years. Well, I don't know, 15, 16 years?

1:08:16 Adam 16 years.

1:08:17 Drew 15.

1:08:18 Adam Drew wrote a little something in his book.

1:08:20 Drew Thanking Anne.

1:08:21 Adam Well, it's printed in all the books, right?

1:08:23 Drew Yes, it's in the foreword.

1:08:24 Adam Every book is printed this way, acknowledgements. And producer Anne's first and last name is misspelled.

1:08:31 Drew And the first name, And the first name, The first name I apologize for, that I just screwed up. But her last name, I'm convinced to spell the way I spelled it. How screwed up is that?

1:08:39 Adam She starts it with an I, Drew started it with an E.

1:08:43 Drew But I have handed her name to a thousand people with that spelling.

1:08:46 Adam That's like five or six letters off, dude. Maybe more.

1:08:50 Drew Well, that's not right, right? I can't even apologize because I'm convinced like I'm on camera for-

1:08:56 Adam You can't apologize.

1:08:58 Drew No, I'm still convinced it has an E in it.

1:09:00 Adam But let me say this.

1:09:01 Drew I've got to get over that before I can apologize.

1:09:03 Adam I don't mean any disrespect to Ann here, but this is what goes on. There's a lot of Ann's who spell their name A-N-N and then there's A-N-N-E's, right? That's confusing.

1:09:15 Drew Yeah, that I just screwed up.

1:09:17 Adam Well, it is confusing.

1:09:18 Drew It's confusing.

1:09:19 Adam Not Ann's fault, but I think-

1:09:21 Drew Every time I put Ann's name, I have to ask somebody E or not E.

1:09:23 Adam Does, and the word Lynn is that way too, is it not?

1:09:27 Drew Can be.

1:09:27 Adam No, I can't disagree on, I mean, let's do it Ann's way, but let's put the E on the end of it and call it a day.

1:09:35 Drew No, she doesn't have the E.

1:09:37 Adam Oops.

1:09:37 Drew I gave her the E.

1:09:38 Adam Oh, well, you gave her the E. Now she's gonna give you the F.

1:09:44 Drew She is.

1:09:44 Adam Right in the A. Well, the point is, is Ann has no E on the end of her name. Let's just call all Ann's that way. Yeah. That's what I like to do.

1:09:54 Drew It's a nicer spelling too, frankly. And then?

1:09:57 Adam However it is, let's just call it that way so we don't get in this. Your wife is Susan. My wife's best friend is Suzanne. They get I right when you mispronounce it. And then they get more I right when I explain to them I don't care. Let's just go ahead and call it Susan. Let's just move forward. I don't expect people that will grandfather in the Susannes and just move it from this day forward. There's only Susannes. There's no Susannes. And there's probably a third way of that, of pronouncing and spelling that one too. And then of course you start getting into your, what is the big one? And it's an Angelique, Antimia. And no, oh, Andrea, there's the Andreas and the Andreas and there's the Terras and the Taras. And you just walk through your whole life being corrected. Like, no, that's not the way you spell my name. No, that is the way you spell that name, which is the same as my name, but not my name. And by the way, I'm Tara, I'm not Tara. And then I always like the part where people are angry. Do I look like a Tara? It's like, I don't even remember what you are now. Now that we've gone, and once you go back and forth a few times, you're screwed.

1:11:14 Drew Yeah.

1:11:14 Adam That's it.

1:11:16 Drew I'm changing, I've got your name in here as Corolla.

1:11:19 Adam C-O-R?

1:11:20 Drew Yeah, this is-

1:11:20 Adam Do I look like a Corolla?

1:11:22 Drew I gotta change this. I'm feeling so guilty.

1:11:25 Adam I don't care. I personally don't care about that.

1:11:27 Drew You're always complaining about that.

1:11:29 Adam No, yes, I complain that publicity shots are misspelled. It just seems like a bad idea to have your own camp misspell your name and send things out. That's why I feel Anne's pain. And let me tell you something, this ain't a dozen roses or a fruit basket.

1:11:47 Drew This is gonna take more than that.

1:11:48 Adam This is a cruise. You're gonna have to buy producer Anne a cruise. She's gonna have to go somewhere far away and drink exotic wines and forget.

1:11:57 Drew I'm gonna have to find all the books that have been sold and scratch out the name.

1:12:01 Adam Recall the 17 books you've sold and scratch out the E.

1:12:08 Drew I changed the I E to an I.

1:12:11 Adam Oh yeah, the first, the last name. Yeah, you got a lot.

1:12:14 Drew Okay, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

1:12:16 Adam This is a cruise.

1:12:17 Drew It's getting into my head that I have to cruise.

1:12:20 Adam Natalie. You're 20. What's up?

1:12:24 Caller Oh, before I start, I have to say Adam, I love you. You are hilarious. I mean, I wouldn't be devastated if you were a little less disgusting. You know, the pooping in the shower, that's just revolting, but I guess that's what makes you use. So I'll have to accept it.

1:12:40 Adam Yeah, that is me. That's me.

1:12:43 Caller Okay, my question is for Dr. Drew. When I eat mango, I get a rash on my lip and I went to the doctor and they told me it was from the mango. That's how I found out it was from the mango. And then, but they can't tell me what it's from. Like she said, it might be from a pesticide or it might be the skin itself because I can eat the inside. See, and then since then I've eaten mango and then one time I was like really paranoid. I washed every, you know, I peeled it first and I washed it and then I ate the inside and I was fine. And then the other time I wasn't so careful and then I got the rash again.

1:13:19 Drew Only mango.

1:13:20 Caller Only mango.

1:13:21 Drew Yeah, and you eat other fruits and things?

1:13:23 Caller Uh-huh.

1:13:24 Drew And what does the rash look like?

1:13:27 Caller It's like a red bumpy rash and it burns.

1:13:31 Caller How about all the way around?

1:13:33 Adam Does pineapple do anything for you? You eat pineapple?

1:13:37 Caller No.

1:13:39 Drew Pineapple doesn't do that? Uh-uh. And it's like a ring around?

1:13:42 Caller There's quite a few fruits that burn. Like if I get them on my lip because like, you know, it's probably just because like the acid.

1:13:52 Drew Yeah.

1:13:53 Caller But they don't give me a rash.

1:13:55 Drew And it's a ring around your mouth?

1:13:57 Caller No, it's just my lips. And yeah, it's around. And it's like on the edges.

1:14:02 Drew Your edges crack?

1:14:04 Caller No.

1:14:06 Adam Well, don't eat the mango.

1:14:07 Drew It's like a, yeah, it's like a Kaleidos.

1:14:09 Adam For Christ's sake. Can you, I could probably make it 20 years without a mango.

1:14:12 Drew I don't know that anyone for sure can tell you what that is.

1:14:15 Adam But if you think it might be the skin, then wash it real good and stay away from the skin.

1:14:18 Drew It's not the skin. It's not pesticide. It is something that she's reacting to in the, in the.

1:14:23 Adam Well, she said she did it without the skin. I love a mango. But you know the problem with mangoes?

1:14:28 Drew Hard to eat.

1:14:29 Adam The pit, the pit is the size of a softball.

1:14:33 Drew Yeah.

1:14:33 Adam What the hell kind of plant is that? It's a, it was the world's greatest fruit, but it's, it's all pit and it's weird hairy pit in there. Hairy pit. It's bad times, but it's good. You know what's nice? Papaya.

1:14:47 Drew Oh, I love papaya. I don't like mango.

1:14:49 Adam Little lime juice on that papaya. Do you get angry at people?

1:14:53 Drew There's different kinds of papayas. The Mexican papaya, the Hawaiian papaya.

1:14:56 Adam Yeah. That's just the Hawaiian, the Mexican papaya, the Mexican papaya, that's just a Hawaiian papaya that's been stolen. That's what they call it there. There's no difference in actual fruit.

1:15:06 Drew Do I get angry at people? I get angry at people.

1:15:08 Adam No, not, not that, well, I get, okay. I get mad at the ones that don't like where they go. Yeah. Roasted almonds. No, I don't care for them. I'm like, what? Yeah, I've tried them a few times. Really, the smoked ones? Yeah, yeah, not a big fan. Really? How about the honey roasted cashews? Yeah, not a fan. I'm gonna kill you. But the other one is, for me, this happens with fruit, happens with the papayas. It's like, yeah, no, I've never tried that one.

1:15:38 Drew You go, never tried it?

1:15:39 Adam Yeah, I run into that. Well, everyone out here is from the East Coast.

1:15:42 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:15:43 Adam And it's like, I never tried the papaya. No, no, can't say I have.

1:15:47 Drew I have a patient that brings a box, these humongous, spectacular Hawaiian papayas. There's one and only one problem with them.

1:15:54 Little lime, little lime on there.

1:15:56 Drew Only one problem.

1:15:56 Adam What's that?

1:15:57 Drew They're perfect, they have to be eaten when they're right for about 36 hours and then just screw.

1:16:03 Adam You gotta strike while they're on this high.

1:16:05 Drew So I only eat about six of them.

1:16:06 Adam Put a little lime on there. Oh, that is good times. Yeah, do yourselves a favor, everyone. Try this stuff. Don't give me that, never tried that crap. It's all the time. You know, people are stupid and they decide they don't like stuff by the looks of it or something. It kind of rubs them the wrong way.

1:16:24 Drew That's the animal in us.

1:16:25 Adam There's a lot of texture people out there too.

1:16:27 Drew I'm a texture person, but it won't cause me not to try something.

1:16:31 Adam Yeah, I don't want someone to like chew up a bunch of nuts and spit it into my mouth. Like that's a weird texture, but I can handle peanut butter.

1:16:38 Drew Right.

1:16:39 Adam And people are like.

1:16:41 Drew Stryker won't try peanut butter.

1:16:44 Adam That's a DJ here at the local mother station, K-Rock. Really?

1:16:48 Drew My son, who thought that was the funniest thing ever heard in his life, is convinced it's because it looks like diarrhea.

1:16:53 Adam We couldn't hang. Can't hang with the Stryker. Can't hang. I mean, for other obvious reasons, there's a difference in class, but also the fact that he won't eat peanut butter. Brad? Oh, hello. That is just a clear difference in class. Go ahead, Brad. You're 21.

1:17:10 Caller What's up, Adam?

1:17:12 Adam What's happening?

1:17:12 Caller I just want to say you guys rock.

1:17:13 Adam Thanks.

1:17:15 Caller I don't know. I got sort of a question to ask you. It's kind of weird. Mm-hmm. Every time I go to have sex with my girlfriend, when I get it in, it seems like I can only get it in halfway. It's like I'm hitting like the back of it, and I'm just wanting to know if there's like a certain depth to the vagina.

1:17:40 Drew Is your girlfriend a small person?

1:17:43 Caller Uh, yeah.

1:17:45 Drew Are you a large man?

1:17:50 Adam That's nice.

1:17:51 Drew How about telling us what the dimensions are?

1:17:53 Adam Her vagina's about 45, 46 millimeters deep.

1:18:01 Drew Her vagina should be about, yay. What's that, about four inches?

1:18:04 Adam Yeah, four and a half, five.

1:18:07 Drew And, you know.

1:18:08 Adam How are you coming in, Brad? What are you weighing in at?

1:18:14 Caller Well, I'm not weighing myself.

1:18:15 Drew Yeah.

1:18:16 Adam How much does your penis weigh? Yeah, like if you did a water displacement test, how much water would be? No, what are, how long are you?

1:18:27 Caller Uh, say roughly about 10 inches.

1:18:30 Drew No.

1:18:31 Adam No. Roughly about. Now, now this is bogus.

1:18:37 Caller No.

1:18:37 Adam Brad knows it's bogus.

1:18:39 Liar, liar whore, liar whore, you know it.

1:18:42 Adam Every guy named Brad's a jack-off and tail-proof and otherwise. That's, when I'm in charge, that's what I do, I collect every guy named Brad. There's no criminals named Brad, they're just jack-offs. They're what I would call societal nuisance. I would have a detention center, a work camp, but a reconditioning and work camp. Not just a pure slave labor. Not the guys with the middle name that have Lee in it. Or James, like Jesse James. All those guys just go get off the street immediately. It means their parents are bikers. Any kid that comes in, we're gonna name him Jesse James. And by the way, there's no Jesse James Fagan bomb. There's no Jew Jesse James. The Jews got more sense in that. You never see Jesse James lip schultz?

1:19:31 Drew No, don't exist.

1:19:33 Adam No, just always some dorky goyum.

1:19:35 Drew But for Brad, again, the depth is about four or five inches. And it's common to hit the back even with your hand. But when you reach in, you hit the cervix. You feel sort of a donut-shaped little firm thing back there. And it moves around. It'll move back and stuff.

1:19:54 Adam Let's take a break.

1:19:55 Drew Oh, super early. Super early. Come on.

1:19:58 Adam Super early?

1:19:58 Drew Here, take this.

1:20:00 Adam All right. What time are we supposed to take this break?

1:20:02 Drew 38, actually.

1:20:03 Adam 38. All right. Well, Sam, I'm usually late, so I talk early once in a while. Josh?

1:20:08 Yes.

1:20:09 Adam You're 20?

1:20:10 Caller Yeah.

1:20:11 Adam We can end the show a few minutes early, too. Can't wait. I mean, look at it. Look at it this way.

1:20:16 Drew I got to do a Today Show at 3 in the morning.

1:20:18 Adam That's miserable. All right. What's happening? Hold on. We always run. Was he talking?

1:20:23 Drew Yeah, I guess.

1:20:24 Adam We always run like a minute and a half late every night.

1:20:26 Drew On this one? Oh, over at the end. Yeah. Let's do it on time today.

1:20:29 Adam No, let's go now. That's what I'm saying.

1:20:32 Drew We accumulate all those minutes.

1:20:34 Adam Yeah, we get all those minutes logged. I mean, a minute and a half heavy every night. I mean, we average a minute and a half heavy every night.

1:20:41 Drew You're right.

1:20:41 Adam Times five, that's seven and a half minutes a week.

1:20:44 Drew Oh, wait, they should give us that. How about we just end at midnight every night?

1:20:48 Adam Okay, let's end at midnight.

1:20:49 Drew Yeah, but we have about a hundred minutes to pay back.

1:20:52 Adam I'd say if it's seven and a half a week and these are very...

1:20:56 Drew Round numbers, yeah.

1:20:57 Adam There's a round, but 15, that means 30 minutes. That's 30 minutes a month that we have.

1:21:02 Drew We haven't cashed in on any of that yet.

1:21:04 Adam We got to do that. Josh?

1:21:05 Drew No, we're taking a break now.

1:21:07 Adam We're going to be extra fast with Josh.

1:21:10 Caller Well, I've been... I tried Trojan and basically I have a pretty good size penis and it's been cutting the circulation off, I think. Basically, we go at it, we start having sex and then it just goes off.

1:21:25 Drew Hang on a second. You mean you tried magnums? Is that what you mean by Trojans?

1:21:29 Caller Yeah, I've tried ribbed ones. I've tried all different kinds. You've tried the big ones. And then I wouldn't have got these other ones at the sex shop that are large.

1:21:38 Drew Josh will not stop talking.

1:21:40 Adam Well, he won't start listening either. Good combination of both. Josh.

1:21:45 Caller Yes?

1:21:46 Drew Did you try the Magnums?

1:21:47 Caller No.

1:21:48 Drew Okay. That's the Trojan large brand.

1:21:50 Adam Those are the big ones.

1:21:51 Caller I tried Lifestyles large. And it worked good at first.

1:21:57 Adam Yeah.

1:21:57 Caller And then basically it gets like caught up in like the middle of my penis and like a bunch of it gathers up.

1:22:06 Drew That means it's too big for you is what that means.

1:22:08 Caller Well, I'm about eight inches.

1:22:12 Caller All right.

1:22:14 Adam Listen, if you if you if you take a sock and you pull the sock up to your calf and then you walk around the room once and it falls down your ankle. Does that mean the sock is too small?

1:22:26 Drew Right.

1:22:27 Adam Or maybe the sock is too big?

1:22:29 Drew Right.

1:22:31 Adam You see?

1:22:31 Drew Yes. You need something.

1:22:32 Adam And he is kind of don't think it's like, well, it slides down to the middle of my dork. Well, that means it's too big. Well, I'm eight inches. Is there one in between the regular?

1:22:47 Drew Yes, the regular is fine. His fantasy is that he loses the erection because he's having sort of the circulation cut off. That's not the case. In fact, that holds things in. That's good.

1:22:57 Adam Yes. I use a sandwich tie, twist tie.

1:23:00 Drew Pow! But some guys don't like the feeling, they don't like the break in the action. They do lose erection when they put the condom on, which is why I'm going to come out with the condom loader. I've decided that I'm going to come out with it.

1:23:11 Adam We'll contend. I'm going to take a quick break and so is Drew and we're going to do it together. We'll be back after this.

1:23:18 Drew Love Line.

1:23:36 Adam Alrighty, baby. Let's get to them phones. What do you say?

1:23:41 Drew All right. Did you do Stern on Friday? Was that when you were worried about that?

1:23:44 Adam Yeah, I did do Stern on Friday.

1:23:46 Drew How'd that go?

1:23:47 Adam That was fine. Jimmy came over at 5.05 in the morning. I go to bed.

1:23:56 Drew 2.30?

1:23:57 Adam Yeah, here's my schedule. I normally go to bed about 2 a.m. But if I have to get up for something real early, I go to bed at 2.30. Miserable. And it was one of those things where I took my alarm and I put it away from the nightstand because it did happen to me one time. And it happens to me once a year, but it happened to me once when I was doing Stern where this buzzer went off after I'd been asleep for about two hours. I just reached over and smacked it once and I was right back into it. And I woke up on my own though about 45 minutes later.

1:24:30 Drew It's scary.

1:24:31 Adam Although, as I was saying, and Jimmy appreciated this because he woke up a couple of minutes late and got into trouble himself. It's an interesting ploy because your adrenaline starts pumping so hard. Here's the deal. If you go to bed at two and you plan on waking up at five to do something and like, well, I'm gonna go to bed at two. I'm gonna wake up at five because I got to be out of the house at 530. You're miserable. When that alarm goes off at five, you're like, holy Christ, I gotta kill myself. No, killing myself once isn't enough. I have to. But if that, if the thing goes off at 527 or something, you'll pop up, you're not tired. It's like you heard a prowler break into the house. You don't slink down to the stairs. Some junkie's breaking into the, no, you're like, pow, you got this huge adrenaline surge, you're running. And even though it's uncomfortable, you're anything but tired. So there is a certain bizarre strategy to that and I've done it many times. But yeah, Jimmy was coming over to broadcast from my house at 5 a.m. to do start. And he was on this show to about 12 o'clock the night before. But he'd gone to bed. He said he went to bed at 1230. Still getting up at 430. It's like, hey, got a big four hours in. So he came over, he called me, said it was gonna be a couple minutes late, but showed up, made him a pot of coffee. And we went on and did Stern. We just did one break. It was like a half hour. But I realized too, by the way, that I'd been used to doing Stern from 4 a.m. to about 8 a.m. our time, which is about 7 to 11 over there. And it's about the time he's on 6 to 1030 or 11 or whatever. But the point is-

1:26:14 Drew He does five hours.

1:26:15 Adam Four hours, big haul.

1:26:17 Drew Oh yeah.

1:26:17 Adam I mean, you're seeing the sun come up. You've seen the sprinklers go on. You've seen the paper start landing. People going to work and walking and stuff. He does five hours a day? Yeah, he does six to anywhere 1045, sometimes 11. Sometimes 1030, sometimes 1020, but it can go to 11. And the point is, is doing that haul from my house from 4 a.m. to 8 a.m. our time, that's weird. You start, after about three hours, you just start staring off into space. And then eventually, you just think you're listening to the show. You got your headphones on, you're sitting in your bathrobe with half a boner, you're in your house, you just listen to Howard Robin talk and you just start standing there with this glazed look. Eventually, he'll go like, what's happening, Adam? And you'll go, why is he saying my name?

1:27:05 Drew It's like a Homer Simpson dream scene.

1:27:08 Adam I got to call somebody, he just mentioned my name on the air. But anyway, half hour, easy, did stay in my head, had herself a glass of wine, you know, when I was done. Nice glass of wine.

1:27:19 Drew This morning, or that morning?

1:27:21 Adam Well, whatever, five, six.

1:27:22 Drew Did you go to work? I got to sleep at that point.

1:27:23 Adam Oh hell, I went to sleep. Are you high? Well, what am I supposed to do, going to work? What am I doing?

1:27:29 Drew I don't know, Jimmy Show.

1:27:30 Adam A plumbing contractor? It's 5.45 in the morning.

1:27:33 Drew Oh, oh, that morning, yes.

1:27:35 Adam Okay, buddy. Hey, come on, get with it.

1:27:37 Drew I was thinking you were working today.

1:27:38 Adam No, still got to, I'm a puss. I think I'm not right. I got to get back.

1:27:43 Drew I'm worried about tomorrow for myself.

1:27:47 Adam What time you going? What time are you waking up? 3 a.m.?

1:27:49 Drew 3 a.m.?

1:27:49 Adam I'm going to think about that. I may be going to bed about 3. I'm going to think of you. Sean?

1:27:55 Yeah.

1:27:56 Adam You're 21, what's up?

1:27:59 Caller First off, I just got to say, Adam, you know what, you are the man. All right, I think it's a crime that the show is only on for two hours a night.

1:28:07 Adam Thanks. We're going to try to get extended to five hours, right, Drew?

1:28:10 Drew I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm with you, man.

1:28:12 Caller Actually, there was about a couple of weeks ago, you did a nice little impression of a guy named Trevor, and I'm just going to say, that was some of your best work yet, man.

1:28:21 Adam No, but thank you.

1:28:22 Drew What was Trevor?

1:28:25 Adam Somebody was on the show when I was playing one of our callers.

1:28:29 Caller Yes, you were.

1:28:30 Adam All right, well, thanks, John. It was obviously one of Drew's favorite moments as well. Yes, Drew?

1:28:36 Drew Oh, I remember every moment that, how could they be a favorite? I get to take in all of this every night.

1:28:41 Adam Every night. All right, go ahead, Sean.

1:28:42 Caller All right, well, basically I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year now. I really like her. The thing is though, every time we try to have sex, I get to the point of penetration and I barely am penetrating her before she's pushing me away telling me it hurts too much.

1:28:59 Drew How old is she?

1:29:01 Caller What is it?

1:29:01 Adam She's nine.

1:29:02 Drew How old is she?

1:29:02 Caller She's 19.

1:29:04 Adam 19.

1:29:05 Drew Is she a virgin?

1:29:07 Caller I am her first, yes. We tried, you know, eight or nine times now.

1:29:14 Adam Is there a hymen in there?

1:29:16 Caller Well, the thing is, I listened before to a couple of callers and Dr. Drew just kept talking about go get a pelvic exams. I told her to do that. I even took her to the appointment. She said everything's fine.

1:29:28 Drew Well, there's a couple of possibilities.

1:29:31 Adam Now we're talking about some vaginismus.

1:29:32 Drew Yeah, and so it makes us think about trauma, like somebody sexually abused her or tried.

1:29:37 Caller I mean, she seems like a really down earth girl. I don't think anything like that happened.

1:29:43 Adam Well, how's, I know what you mean by down to earth, but that's probably not totally relevant. You can be down earth and be a victim, but he's saying she doesn't seem too cuckoo.

1:29:54 Drew Not chaotic, yeah.

1:29:55 Adam Is she get along with her family okay?

1:29:59 Caller Oh, perfect.

1:30:02 Adam She says seems happy, not uptight, depressed.

1:30:06 Caller No, she's a fun loving girl.

1:30:10 Adam Fun loving. Now why was she a virgin? Because of this?

1:30:13 Caller You know what? I guess her mom had her when she was really young. So her mom kind of stressed it to her to, you know, don't go after the first guy, me kind of thing. And basically she found me.

1:30:26 Adam And her dad wasn't around?

1:30:28 Caller Wasn't.

1:30:29 Adam Was her dad around?

1:30:30 Caller No, her dad's not around. Well, she still sees her dad every week, but her mom and her dad are divorced.

1:30:38 Adam But dad not around and teenage mom raising you is a little something.

1:30:46 Drew It may just be that that's making her extra nervous about being intimate, losing her virginity. And you may have to just really go slow with her. And perhaps this is something that will improve with time. She may be having vaginismus, which is sort of a reflexive spasm of the muscles down there. And that's in all probability, it is from some sort of pelvic muscle spasming that's causing the discomfort, whether it's from anxiety or vaginismus or something related to trauma.

1:31:10 Adam Yeah, listen, give her some oral sex and don't push the issue. A glass of red wine and a hot bath that hurt either, yeah? Yes, come on. Andy. You're 25? Your boyfriend says she's an active sleeper.

1:31:29 Caller Yeah, I move around a lot in my sleep.

1:31:32 Adam And you're tired, you're tired all the time.

1:31:34 Caller I'm incredibly tired all the time.

1:31:37 Adam You move around a lot. Is it hard, are you a light sleeper?

1:31:41 Caller No, I'm a really, really deep sleeper.

1:31:44 Drew Your legs kind of jump around?

1:31:46 Caller My legs jump around, I curl up and then completely stretch back out. I kick people in bed. I roll from one side to the other.

1:31:55 Drew Do you snore?

1:31:56 Caller I kick over the entire bed.

1:31:57 Drew Do you snore?

1:31:59 Caller What?

1:32:00 Drew Do you snore?

1:32:00 Caller No, I don't.

1:32:02 Drew Are you overweight?

1:32:03 Caller No, I'm averagely overweight, let's put it that way.

1:32:07 Drew History of depression?

1:32:09 Caller Yes.

1:32:10 Adam What do you mean averagely overweight?

1:32:13 Caller I mean, like I'm not obese, but everybody's probably about five or 10 pounds overweight.

1:32:19 Adam How tall are you, how much do you weigh?

1:32:21 Caller I weigh 155.

1:32:23 Adam How tall are you? All right, hold on, let me do some radio math. A lot of fives here. She said 5'5 and a half, 155.

1:32:35 Drew Penalize the extra fives.

1:32:37 Adam Rough sleeper. Foot, a lot of foot movements in the sleep?

1:32:42 Drew Leg movements.

1:32:42 Adam Leg movements. Okay, I got 5'3 and 15'16 168.

1:32:50 Drew That still wouldn't make a sleep disturbance.

1:32:52 Adam Okay, I'm just trying to let people know the actual size.

1:32:55 Drew Andy? Yeah? One of the things you could do is get a formal sleep study. You go to a hospital and they sort of study your sleep and see what the specific abnormality of the sleep is. It's kind of sounding like this is going to end up being in the realm of depression.

1:33:09 Caller Well, actually, it probably isn't. I'm leaving out a whole bunch of stuff because I didn't have a chance to tell the screener. I actually have multiple personalities.

1:33:18 Drew And it's, apparently, it's waking in sleep, but I'm wondering if that actually has something to do with it. No, yes, you're a trauma survivor. And yes, trauma survivors have disturbed sleep. And fatigue is a very common symptom of various psychiatric disturbances.

1:33:34 Adam Is it fair to say the more you've been through and the more that's on your mind, the worse your sleep?

1:33:39 Drew Generally speaking, yes. Especially if it happens bad.

1:33:41 Adam That's great. Then someone gets molested for a while and then God punishes them for the rest of their lives with this horrible sleep disturbance. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:49 Caller Alright guys, bottom line here's the deal.

1:33:53 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:55 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:56 Caller Call the dateline. 877-889-DATE.

1:34:03 Caller Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:34:15 Adam 1-800-LOVE-191. Well, that's short buddy. We're only 30 seconds late. So until next time, I'm Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew's saying. Let's wait for a minute. Come on.

1:34:26 Drew Wait till 40 seconds. There you go.

1:34:28 Adam Mahalo. Please eat that tuna. Let him eat that tuna when it's all get along.

1:34:35 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Sunday, October 12, 2003