Episode 1000571534802

0:55 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:04 Voiceover Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Bob Guiney, The Bachelor, is in our studio tonight. Wednesday night, it's ABC, nine o'clock. Saw the promos all over Monday Night Football tonight. Nice to meet you.

1:22 Bob Guiney Thank you, it's nice to be here.

1:24 Adam Bob, are you here for feedback?

1:27 Drew Oh yes.

1:27 Adam What is that?

1:28 Drew Feedback.

1:30 Adam Well, let me explain how this is gonna go, Anderson. You need to find the switch now before you deny there's nothing you could do for about 45 minutes and then slide the switch somewhere in the 11 o'clock hour. Let's find it now. Hey.

1:45 Drew There it is.

1:46 Adam Yeah, buddy. Nice job.

1:48 Drew I find the switch to turn those off the air.

1:51 Adam Bob, well, let's see. A couple of things about Bob. You know, I think from the first bachelorette when Bob got down with Trista there and made it... What'd you made it? The last three?

2:06 Bob Guiney How's the proverbial fifth rose on that one?

2:08 Adam Fifth rose. And I think people started feeling sorry for Bob. It's like, oh, the big cuddly teddy bear. Let me pick up the pieces kind of thing. But Bob was like captain of his football team in high school. Yeah, high school. I don't know if he was captain in college, Joe, but I'm going with it.

2:25 Bob Guiney I wasn't. I didn't even get in the game in college.

2:26 Adam I'm going with high school. But still, just to play Michigan State and play quarterback at Michigan State is a hell of a lot further than most of us made it. And then was in a band. I mean, packed on a couple pounds after what, a skiing injury or something?

2:42 Bob Guiney Actually, no, I was playing golf, actually. Just swing in a golf club and tore my ACL. And it was like the third or fourth time I did it. So I had every constructive surgery.

2:50 Adam How do you tear your ACL swing in a golf club?

2:53 Bob Guiney Core form, I think, is the best way to put it. Yeah, I definitely am not a good golfer.

2:56 Adam You were drunk and trying to kill the ball.

2:57 Drew Were you swinging on ice?

2:59 Bob Guiney No, sadly. I think I was like trying to pull a happy Gilmore or something. He's knocked out of the park. Didn't work.

3:03 Adam All right. But the point is, is Bob's a guy who got a lot of tail, who was in the band, who was the quarterback, who doesn't need our sympathy. We may have caught Bob during a bad time when he tore the ACL and some drunken golf bender, but he's snapped back into shapes, got a stroke back, and he's now the bachelor. And also, so I was sitting around with Jimmy Kimmel this morning and we were talking about you, and he said that you were in a band years ago that he knew of.

3:38 Bob Guiney Oh, he knew of Fat Amy back then?

3:40 Adam Fat Amy?

3:40 Bob Guiney Was that the name of your band?

3:41 Adam Yeah, he said, he said, yeah, this guy was in a band, and he knew the music, or you got some radio playing or something?

3:48 Drew They toured with Everclear?

3:49 Bob Guiney Yeah, we did a short tour with Fastball and Fuel and actually got to play two dates with Everclear. It was like the first of a four-band lineup. It was pretty cool.

3:55 Adam All right, so listen, ladies, relax with the crocodile theory. All right, so anyway, Bob is the bachelor, and I watched, I was saying to Bob during the break before the show started that I can't watch the rose ceremony. It's too tense for me or too uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable. They start fidgeting, especially after all the testimonials of the women saying they know you. They feel this is kismet, that you're meant to be together and pow.

4:25 Bob Guiney Yeah, it's hard. It was the hardest part of the show for me. Actually even on the first night, I had a train wreck of a time getting through it.

4:32 Adam And people, girls don't realize this. I mean, guys get a lot of crap for being dogs and wanting to screw everybody and all that. But here's what girls don't realize. Every guy I know, every guy, every nice looking guy who had something going for him, has boned a couple ugly chicks just because he felt bad. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

4:49 Drew No.

4:50 Adam There's some chicks, she's got a little bit of a fat ass.

4:52 Drew What does that have to do with the rose ceremony?

4:54 Adam I'm saying we feel bad dumping women.

4:57 Drew I see.

4:58 Adam It's weird for a guy. I mean, it's a weird thing. Back me up here, Bob. It is a man of great passion. As guys were used to pursuing. And once in a while, and it's going to crop up once in a while, except for Bob, it's every day now. But if he was not on this show, it would crop up once in a while where some girl at the office really had it hot for you. And then at the company party, she had a couple of cocktails and she came up and she was very forward with you. And you had to say thanks, but no thanks. And I'm saying a lot of guys would screw her just to not deal with the emotional pain of saying no thanks. Yes?

5:35 Drew Yes. Yes.

5:36 Adam Yeah. Drew, Drew, you know Drew? Yeah. Yeah.

5:42 Bob Guiney Oh, yeah. I'm listening to Drew on this one. Yes.

5:46 Adam It's happened. It's happened to all of us.

5:49 Bob Guiney I think the hardest part about the rose ceremony, honestly, is that you're with 25 really intelligent women, beautiful women, and you're breaking up with 10 of them even though they've done nothing wrong to you. That's the hardest part.

5:58 Adam I know. And as a guy, not only do you feel bad for them, but you feel like, wait a minute, I could be missing out on something here too. I mean, this is... I'm breaking up the harem. You know what I mean? Yeah. Ooh. And plus, they're all hot. I mean, you'd have a hard time, you know, the 10 that Bob thought he should get rid of would not be the same 10 as you and not the 10 as I, you know? So they're really... I mean, there's three or four that are probably on a higher level, but then there's the rest and they're all pretty competitive.

6:31 Bob Guiney They're great women.

6:32 Adam Now, do you... I don't want to give... I know you can't give too much away or anything, but I would think if I was in your position the very first night that they all climbed out of that limousine and came walking across the pathway to me and gave me a hug, I think at that moment I'd have a decent idea, the ones that at least I was most attracted to.

6:53 Bob Guiney You know, there is a little of that, but I was trying to make a conscious effort not to get too wrapped up in just the looks of them because they were all very beautiful, but I was hoping that I would be smart enough to kind of see through it a little bit.

7:03 Drew But it didn't work out.

7:04 Bob Guiney Yeah, but thankfully that didn't work either.

7:05 Adam And when did... Now, when did the taping end?

7:08 Bob Guiney It ended in, I believe, the beginning of August.

7:11 Adam All right. So, everyone knows, of course, you're sworn to secrecy.

7:14 Bob Guiney Yes.

7:15 Adam They've done a few of these so far, not just with The Bachelor, but they do it with Survivor each year and all that. And so far...

7:21 Drew Nothing's leaked out.

7:22 Adam Nothing's leaked out. And I'm very surprised in this sort of day and age where, you know, if R. Kelly bones some 12-year-old that's all over the internet 10 minutes later, how this stuff gets sat on with all the sort of disgruntled people and their attorneys and their, you know what I mean? You just think.

7:38 Bob Guiney It is pretty amazing. You never hear about it.

7:40 Adam So far, I can't think of a jig being up, even in like the...

7:44 Drew Must be great contracts they sign. Must be. Oh, yeah.

7:47 Adam Yeah, yeah. But you just think like Helen's Celebrity Mole, Cathy Griffin would get juiced up at some party and start blabbing, you know? Just something, even if it's on a Celebrity Mole scale, is what I'm saying. Right.

7:59 Drew Or somebody gets hit over the head. And they're coming out of it and let them go.

8:03 Adam Some bookie from the Cayman Islands threatens Bob, you know? He wants answers. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Change the line. There's lines on these things. I mean, there's money being wagered.

8:14 Bob Guiney I know. That's the weirdest part, if you think about it, too. I think that's the craziest part, is there is a lot of money on the line for that.

8:18 Adam All right, well, let me...

8:19 Bob Guiney I was 8 to 1 odds, by the way. I'm a trustor. Oh, really? Yeah, I started off at 40 to 1. Yeah, it was a really good line for me.

8:26 Adam Let me ask you this, Bob. Did you fall in love?

8:29 Bob Guiney I can say this, because I can't tell you the answer to that question, but I can say that I'm very, very happy with the outcome. Oh, really? Yes. Yeah, I'm really pleased with the outcome of this show.

8:38 Adam And you guys are together?

8:39 Bob Guiney Absolutely.

8:40 Adam Okay, you can say that, because...

8:41 Drew Well, that's weird. That's the weirder part. How do you hide that?

8:43 Bob Guiney Yeah, there's no way to hide it.

8:45 Drew Nobody to tap the phone lines or...

8:47 Adam Yeah, so you...

8:47 Bob Guiney See, I forgot about that. I just...

8:49 Adam You guys can't see each other or can't be seen.

8:53 Bob Guiney It's like an episode of Alias when you want to get together. It's like, you know...

8:56 Adam But how does that work? Because if you're ABC, you don't want to chance anything. Like, you don't want to say, like, hey, kids, you guys keep it cool. Keep it low-key here. Just say, low-pro. Keep it on the down low. You have to have steadfast rules, right? Like you guys cannot be seen in public or... I mean, how does it work? I mean, even if you wanted to drive over to her house or she wanted to drive over to your house, you can't do that, right?

9:19 Bob Guiney As much as I would like to. And that's the hardest part.

9:21 Drew Because you can't see each other at all?

9:22 Bob Guiney No, we get to see each other, actually. But it's always on, like, you know, such unbelievable super-secret down low type activities.

9:30 Adam So ABC facilitates that.

9:33 Bob Guiney Yes.

9:34 Adam So if you guys are going to see each other once a week, it's under ABC's supervision.

9:40 Bob Guiney Basically, they put us in a place where it's secure and they know that we can enter and exit, you know, and not be seen together.

9:47 Adam Meanwhile, there's container ships filled with the plutonium just pouring into our nation's ports because we don't have the manpower to check them. ABC, we got all the guys watching, Bob.

9:58 Drew And don't worry, those guys you could have had at the Port of Los Angeles are going to be in the strip clubs securing the lap dances.

10:04 Adam That's right, keeping that six-foot buffer.

10:07 Bob Guiney Oh, yeah. At all times.

10:08 Adam Oh, yeah. We got to prioritize, Drew.

10:11 Drew We got it. We're set now.

10:12 Adam Well, you know, here's what I feel like we should do with that in Los Angeles, they passed a law ordinance that said women had to stay within six foot of, they couldn't come within six foot of the guy, so hence getting rid of the lap dance. But here's the kind of thing, I'd like to feed this kind of information to the terrorists, which is, okay, now listen to me. On one hand, we don't have the guys at the ports, we don't have the guys at the airports. They are at the nudie bar, they are looking for the six foot buffer. Yes, true. But, number, but here's the point I'd like to bring up, Mr. Terrace. This is not white infidel activity. You see what I'm saying? That's a six foot buffer.

10:50 Caller Something Allah could be proud of. Now, I mean, you know what I'm saying?

10:56 Drew Motivate them, decrease their motivation to bomb.

10:58 Caller We got rid of the lap dance.

10:59 Adam What else do you guys want? What else should we ask?

11:02 Caller What? What?

11:03 Adam Cartoons? What don't you want us to do? Ladies, how do you want them to?

11:06 Caller Here's what I'm saying.

11:07 Adam Let's start complying with the terrorists. Forget about security. Let's kiss some ass. Ladies, put the burq on. We'll stone a hobo every once in a while. We'll keep it cool. And as guys, ain't no big deal. We drive, we get all those broads off the road. You get four or five dozen wives. You're like Bob over here. It's no big deal. Your wife steps out on you, you get to kill her. No court in the land will convict you. It's not a bad gig.

11:31 Drew Good times.

11:32 Adam As a guy. I'm just saying, let's be open to kissing terrorist ass. That's all I'm saying. All right. Bob, you ready to go?

11:41 Bob Guiney I'm ready. I'm fired up.

11:42 Adam All right. Tegan? Yeah? What's up? Now, wait a second. Hold on. I know that Bob, and I think we were talking about this with Trista, too, when she was on the show, which is, you know, most women and men, especially when they're a little bit younger, they always have a little beef about the guy they dated, the girl they dated. They always do a thing where they flip through the scrapbook and they see the prom date or whatever. And this drives women nuts. It drives guys nuts, especially, like I said, younger people. But when you guys are all in the same house and they know, I mean, whoever Mrs. Wright was, and we'll find out in 13 weeks.

12:25 Bob Guiney I think it's like the end of November we find out.

12:27 Adam End of November, we'll find out. Obviously, she was privy to whatever you did with whoever else before you did it with her, or at least did it with her exclusively.

12:36 Bob Guiney Right.

12:37 Adam Does it drive her nuts? Is she over it?

12:39 Bob Guiney Yeah, she's a pretty amazing woman, frankly, and I was very honest with all the ladies on the show. I was, you know, I would actually say to them, you know, I might kiss you and then 20 minutes later I might kiss your friend. Is that going to bother you? Because I think it would bother me, Frank. You know, I really do think it would.

12:53 Adam Hold on, let me translate that, Drew. I might blow job.

13:00 Bob Guiney Oh, come on.

13:02 Adam I know.

13:02 Bob Guiney I know. You know, I was really honest about it and I think that she as well as the other women on the show actually appreciated that a little bit.

13:08 Adam Yeah. Wait till she gets boozed out. And by the way, you guys, you're in the honeymoon. Wait till she gets into her comfort zone. Here's what happens. When guys get comfortable, they start farting. When girls get comfortable, they start riding and bitching. You know what I mean? They start riding you.

13:23 Drew That's where they get comfortable.

13:24 Adam Oh, you're in that phase in your marriage, huh? And all you can do to defend yourself is blow gas. That's it. Sometimes preemptively.

13:32 Bob Guiney Good times.

13:33 Adam It is good times. So you fart. They bitch. That's how you both know everyone's comfortable.

13:38 Bob Guiney I'm going to take notes on this.

13:39 Adam All right. So I'm just saying, wait about nine months from now, this whole thing is blown over. It's all gone away a little bit. She has a couple of wine coolers and all of a sudden a name will pop up. Oh yeah. That's what the ladies like. Tegan?

13:55 Yeah.

13:56 Adam What's up?

13:57 Hi. Nice to get on. I'm going to see you guys for forever. Thanks. I have a question for Adam and a question for Dr. Drew. My question for Dr. Drew is my boyfriend busts all the time about how just about every time we have sex I come and how that's all because he's so skilled in bed and all this stuff. But I'm really wondering if it's just because I am able to come that I do or if it's actually him.

14:22 Drew I think it is probably how long into it does it before you come?

14:27 Anywhere from like three minutes to like ten minutes.

14:30 Drew So that's you. That's just you.

14:32 Adam But why?

14:33 Drew You're into him. That's fine.

14:34 Adam But why do you put this sort of spin on it where he boasts about it?

14:37 Drew Because he sounds like an idiot and eventually he's enough of an a-hole she's not going to have them anymore.

14:43 I've dated this guy for over four years, so I mean.

14:47 Drew Since you were 14?

14:49 Adam Are you into him? Are you still into him? Oh, yeah.

14:51 Actually, we just recently got engaged.

14:55 Drew How old is he?

14:57 I'm sorry.

14:58 Adam He's 29.

15:00 Yeah.

15:00 Adam But I mean, he was 20. He was 25.

15:02 Drew I'm not sure if he was 14.

15:04 Adam Hey, Tegan?

15:05 Yeah.

15:05 Adam What kind of name is that, Tegan?

15:07 As far as I know, it came off the show called Dr. Who in English.

15:12 Adam Yeah. Yeah, my grandma used to watch that crap. Oh! Yeah. You don't know Dr. Who? He's a Chinese doctor. You ever watch that show? It's like Upstairs Downstairs or something. I'm tired. I'm mad at my grandmother now. I don't care. I'm angry now. I'm angry because, you know, we didn't have any of the cable, any satellite or anything. All we had was once in a while on the public whatever channel, the publicly funded channel. No, not public access.

15:45 Bob Guiney PBS?

15:45 Adam PBS.

15:46 Drew It used to be VHS.

15:48 Adam On PBS, they would run these shows out of England and they were the most boring shows in the world. But because they were from England, they must be better somehow. Everyone in the entire world was smarter than we were, according to my family. Yeah. My family just sat around and just gave that.

16:04 Caller In Canada, they take care of all they have by health care. You know, they have a Euro, sister. I'd like move there, you old bitch.

16:13 Adam Jesus Christ.

16:14 Drew Tegan, what was your question for Adam?

16:16 Caller My question for Adam is, I've been living in an area where Loveline hasn't really come in. I just recently moved to go to college in a place that does come in and you don't do lightning rounds anymore. And I'm wondering what's up with that?

16:28 Adam What is up with that?

16:30 Caller Lightning rounds are great. I love that.

16:32 Adam I'm doing it tonight.

16:33 Caller Oh, awesome.

16:35 Drew Write it down.

16:35 Adam I'm making a note. You know, I don't have my cowbell here.

16:39 Drew That's the reason. We moved our studio.

16:41 Adam Yeah. Also, I actually, we get bored with our own stuff.

16:47 Drew Pretty quickly.

16:48 Adam Really fast. And I gotta be honest, I know it just sounds like blowhard type complaining, but if you do anything on this show that's even remotely related to doing a consistent comedy bit, the look on Drew's face, the look on producer Ann's face, the phone calls from the administration, the look on engineer Anderson's face, it's just this, it's like if you ever go the aquarium and you look at the giant sea bass, that's the look. Just it's a straight look.

17:18 Drew First of all, I'm not that guilty.

17:22 Adam It's a combination of sort of confused meets boredom.

17:24 Drew I'm not that guilty.

17:25 Adam What did you say?

17:26 Drew And now you've got Chris. So you've got an audience.

17:29 Adam I'm just saying, it makes you not want to do anything ever again. And then the program director doesn't like when anything is done other than taking calls. So it's the environment is not a hospitable one to doing repetitious comedy bits. So they always die. Right? But the listener suffers and that's the important part.

17:50 Hello?

17:50 Adam You're 19?

17:51 Caller Yes, I am.

17:52 Adam What's up?

17:54 Caller I have a Cuddy Buddy or Friends with Benefits or whatever you want to call him and he's a recovering heroin addict and we've been using condoms and he spent the night at my house last night.

18:07 Adam What was the first thing you called him? A Cuddy Buddy?

18:11 Caller A Cuddy Buddy.

18:12 Bob Guiney What does that mean?

18:13 Adam What is that?

18:14 Caller What is that?

18:15 Drew Well, Bob's going to use it on the show. So make it clear here.

18:18 Bob Guiney A good definition would be helpful.

18:21 Drew What does it mean?

18:24 Caller Oh, a friend with benefits. What is it called again? A Cuddy Buddy.

18:29 Bob Guiney A Cuddly Buddy?

18:30 Caller No, Cuddy, like cut up, cutty, cut up, Cuddy Buddy.

18:35 Drew What's the genesis of that? Where does that come from?

18:40 Caller Rap songs, really. And they talk about getting cut up, getting the cut up, and that's flying for vaginas.

18:49 Adam It's confusing when white people use the vernacular, the urban vernacular. So could you please stay away from that, Cuddy Buddy? All right, go ahead.

18:59 Caller Friends with benefits, okay? And we use condoms, we're having safe sex. And this morning, he spent the night at my house last night, this morning rolled over and we did it in the morning, but he didn't use a condom. He had been tested two weeks ago, at least that's what he told me. He gets tested every three months, so make sure he's okay. He says it's negative. What should I do? Should I worry? Should I, you know, demand to see his paperwork?

19:27 Drew He has no history of hepatitis?

19:29 Caller I'm sorry?

19:30 Drew How's his hepatitis situation?

19:32 Caller No history, clean.

19:34 Drew You sure?

19:35 Caller Yeah, well, like I said, I haven't seen his paperwork. I've known him for about three months.

19:42 Drew Oh boy. And how do you know he's sober?

19:45 Caller He, well, he goes through periods off and on where he's not, he's been clean for a month. He's not, I don't, I haven't seen any track marks, any fresh ones anyway.

19:56 Drew She shoots the heroin.

19:58 Adam It's like she's tracking elk or something, you know what I mean? Like an Indian down in the ground, fresh, fresh dung.

20:04 Drew Yeah, that kind of heroin addiction is not intermittent, it's continuous. It may go up and down in terms of the amounts, but he's always addicted.

20:10 Adam What are you doing with this guy? I don't understand this.

20:13 Caller It's not a relationship, I don't want a relationship with him.

20:16 Adam What happened to you?

20:18 Caller What do you mean what happened to me?

20:19 Adam Did your dad abandon you? Abused? There you go. Who did that?

20:28 Caller My stepfather.

20:30 Drew Fantastic.

20:31 Adam Listen, not only does he deserve a nice flathead shovel and the nuts, but your mom deserves a nice back hand too.

20:37 Drew Bringing him in.

20:39 Caller She denies it. She asked me straight up if I was...

20:42 Drew She was abused too.

20:43 Adam That's the second back hand.

20:46 Drew Right. She was sexually abused too.

20:48 That's what that means.

20:49 Adam Yeah. So at least we got that going for her.

20:51 Alright.

20:52 Adam So this is enough. I don't like this relationship. Have you got any therapy?

20:56 Caller No.

20:58 Adam You have to.

20:59 Caller That should be your first plan of action.

21:01 Drew You're putting yourself seriously in harm's way with this guy. I mean, there's absolutely, he's a heroin addict, a heroin addict's lie. He's not, he's constantly in his disease even though he may not always be using heavily. This is a mess. You have no idea whether he is or is not caring. God knows what. It could be hepatitis B, C and or HIV. You need to sit down and talk to a doctor about how to screen and what you might do about this exposure.

21:24 Adam No numbers for anything. You know what I mean? It's all HIV and hepatitis C and B and BFD and all that stuff. How about some numbers? You know what I'm saying? You guys work on that. The next thing that rolls around, give it a number. It's just easier for us. It's like streets, you know? It's just easier.

21:48 Caller Yes?

21:50 Adam What about your stepdad? Is he in jail?

21:52 Caller No, he's not. I didn't even really remember it. I remember bits and pieces of it because it happened between 5 and 10. And then just recently, something happened.

22:03 Drew I was in jail.

22:05 Caller I was in jail. I was in jail. Since then, I haven't had a serious depression come back.

22:23 Drew But you see how this leaves an imprint that you now fill with guys that are basically the same guy as your stepfather.

22:33 Bob Guiney Why is that happen like that?

22:35 Drew It's just, no one knows for sure. It's some kind of wiring, some sort of neurologic process we're gonna sort out in the next few years. But there's some various theories about sort of teleologically what goes on, why you try to master something that was so horrible and made you feel so powerless when you were a kid. The reality is probably the mechanisms of arousal become the source of attraction when puberty hits. That these things that made you feel powerless becomes a source of attraction. And you're just compelled. You have no boundaries with people like that. You're sort of sucked in with them. And there you go.

23:05 Bob Guiney Are you like subconsciously trying to fix it?

23:07 Drew Well, that's one of the theories, but I think that's, it's over simplistic. I mean, the reality is that with people like that, there's just, there's no boundaries. They just are under the spell of victimizers. They just can't, they freeze literally. They have a dissociative reaction when they're around people like that.

23:21 Adam There's also a familiarity thing too, in a bizarre way. It's what you know. And there's a part where you want to try to master it.

23:28 Drew The master, but I really think that they're looking more in the world of trauma, the experience of dissociation, this whole vagal nerve mediated experience where people sort of check out. And when they're around people who are victimizers, they go into that same freeze reaction and they're sort of under the tractor beam spell of those people and off they go. They can't resist it.

23:46 Adam Whatever. Whatever it is. Look, I mean, here's the deal. This entire world and life, it's either positive cycle or negative cycle. It's like rich people go out to their mailbox and find some residual check or something, some dividend from some stock they didn't even know about and poor people come out front and they have a ticket on their car because they can't afford a garage. That's what it is. When you're spiraling down, you're going down. When you're going up, you're going up. All right. So, we're on the upside, so we're happy. We just got to avoid the people that are spiraling down on our way up.

24:19 Drew There you go.

24:20 Adam Bob Guiney, The Bachelor here, everybody. We're going to take ourselves a quick break.

24:27 Bob Guiney You knew it was the second one coming, didn't you?

24:29 Adam I knew there was another one. I was just telling Drew I didn't want the flu shot because I don't get sick so he sneezed all over my arm. And God bless what his hand over his mouth, he normally just blows right out into the open world.

24:40 Bob Guiney Bless you, doctor.

24:41 Adam All right. Wednesday nights, ABC, 9 o'clock. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

24:46 Caller Hello, is this your radio?

24:52 Caller As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it. To find a testing location near you, call toll-free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

25:15 Bob Guiney 947-NRK.

25:30 Adam Cll number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew. Board Certified Position. Bob Guiney is here. He is The Bachelor, Wednesday Nights, 9 o'clock, ABC. And second episode, Wednesday, right?

25:45 Bob Guiney Yes.

25:46 Adam And see, the group date starts this. Now, it must be nice to relive that.

25:55 Bob Guiney Yeah, it is nice. It is hard watching it. The first episode I watched was with my mother. So at the end of it, I ended up curled up in the fetal position, freaking out. But episode two will be a lot better, I think.

26:05 Adam Yeah, mom won't be gone. Break out the tub of Nivea, the brawny towels, and just a couple of Mickey's tall boys and just, just, just hunker down. Hunker down. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, hunker is the operative word there. Yeah, that's got to be nice. And you know what's nice, I was saying to Drew that the women become very competitive and Bob, nothing wrong with you, buddy. I mean, you're a dynamite individual. And a delight, I must say. But once it's game on, it's game on. And they're all in love with you the first day they met you. And they're beautiful young women who aren't, you know, it's not like, oh, she's homeless, she's a junkie. She just, she was working one of those ranches out in Nevada. No, these are like school teachers and dental assistants and stuff like that. They're 24 and they're hot. And the first day they're all in love with Bob. And it is, I think it's the competitive spirit that has been flamed.

27:09 Drew What we had said is that women, it doesn't matter what they're competing for, the fact that one wants it badly, now they go into a frenzy.

27:17 Adam He's right here.

27:18 Drew He's right here.

27:19 Bob Guiney He's still in the room, Doc.

27:21 Drew They got to really want what's at the other end and they'll kill each other to get that. But if they don't, if they're not really after that.

27:27 Adam Well here's what, here's what guys will do, which is kind of funny. Guys will compete fiercely over nothing. Like I've got, I've done stuff with guys where you take a ball of foil and you see who can throw it into a garbage can that's 20 feet away and a fist fight breaks out somewhere in between this make believe game that has nothing to do with anything. That or you have to have a million dollars waiting at the end. But if it's something like, let's say there's a car that guys aren't really interested in, they're not going to kill themselves trying to get it. They'll just say, yeah, go take it. I got a better car at home. Women once it's the competition, once the game is on, they're on. I mean, they got 25 women all in love.

28:05 Bob Guiney It was definitely an interesting experience. I actually was kind of surprised how much the women actually knew about me, I think, from The Bachelorette and from, you know, like going on the different shows that I'd been on. And it was very flattering and very humbling, and at the same time it was also kind of, you know, I felt like a huge level of responsibility that I wasn't expecting to feel that early on. And it was interesting.

28:26 Adam Did you feel any strategy coming from any of the women?

28:29 Bob Guiney No, I think I was too naive in the beginning to think that there was anything like that going on, honestly. I thought I was... But later? Later on, I started kind of finding myself like second-guessing everything I was thinking, because there was... you'll find as the story unfolds, there's a few people that aren't getting along as well as others, and there was a lot of things going on there. And I was watching it all unfold from kind of like the outside looking in. I wasn't privy to everything going on behind the scenes, so it was really interesting to watch it.

28:56 Adam It's great, too. He's sitting there talking to a couple of girls, and then Cammie comes up, and she wants to show Bob something by the fool, and then Bob gets up and leaves, and then you hear the VO of the other two girls going, That Cammie, she's such a backstabber, and then they're all going after each other. Awesome. It's great. All right. So, and do they have any, are there any rules? I mean, do they, does ABC say like, listen, no sex, or you can't do this, or you can't say I love you to somebody halfway into it, or you can't make any secret pacts with anybody?

29:30 Bob Guiney No, there's, there weren't any rules given to me by any stretch, but, you know, I don't know that, I don't know, I think, you know, where I was coming from with the show, I think was a little bit different than perhaps anybody else, because I'm actually divorced, and I went into it kind of trying, you know, trying to be as serious as I could, but definitely not trying to make any empty promises either, so I was-

29:48 Adam Were you looking for a soulmate by the end of the show?

29:54 Bob Guiney Towards the end of the show, I was realizing that my, I might have a soulmate in the mix.

29:59 Adam Really?

29:59 Bob Guiney Yeah, very, very potentially.

30:01 Adam Still had to bang this other chick, so just to make sure. You got to make sure, Drew. Of course. Katie?

30:11 Yeah?

30:11 Adam You're 23?

30:13 Caller Yeah, Adam, it's Katie. Have you gotten any of my emails?

30:17 Adam Emails?

30:19 Bob Guiney It's a different show altogether, isn't it?

30:21 Adam Emails?

30:22 Caller I've been writing to Q&1 for the past month, pretty much to you and Dr. Drew.

30:27 Drew Where? We don't know, we don't have an email address.

30:30 Adam We don't have an email address. Oh. Let's put it this way, Drew, be honest. What is the last piece of email I've seen on this show?

30:40 Drew Four years ago?

30:41 Adam Four.

30:41 Drew Four, maybe five.

30:46 Adam I'll tell you truthfully, how many pieces of email and how many letters we look at each year. None.

30:53 Drew None.

30:53 Adam Zero. Once in a while, someone sends a can of smoked almonds over something.

30:58 Drew Then we read the letter.

30:59 Adam Then we read the letter and we eat the can of smoked almonds. But I never see a letter, never see email, never see anything. I don't even know. I don't even know where it goes. What did you say Anderson?

31:08 Lauren reads them every day.

31:10 Adam Lauren reads them every day. Oh, really? Yes. And she says if they're good, she'll give them to us. But it's been five years. And listen, I'm not exaggerating when I say we do a national radio show and never see a piece of email. I'm not blaming anybody. I don't want to see an email. But we don't see a letter or a piece of email ever. Ever.

31:33 Caller I've got to talk.

31:34 Adam But thank you for... Well, what did they say? What did those emails say?

31:41 Caller I don't know. Just some personal feelings, I guess.

31:46 Drew About Adam?

31:48 Caller Yeah.

31:49 Adam And where were you sending them? The Q101?

31:51 Caller Yeah. And I was just confused about...

31:54 Adam Do you think we're out in Chicago? Or do you think they would forward those emails to us?

32:02 Caller I thought you guys were reading them because it seemed like sometimes you'd be referring to them.

32:06 Adam Now listen, you could send an email that said that you found my grandfather's Super Bowl ring from the 50s and that you desperately want to return it to me from the 60s.

32:20 Caller I know.

32:23 Adam I was trying to work out the grandfather and then I realized it was a World Series ring. You could say that I found Adam Corolla's grandfather's World Series baseball ring from the Yankees from the 30s. I have terminal cancer and it's important that I get the ring back to Adam and the doctor's only given me 10 days to live and I guarantee I would never ever see that letter or anything close to it.

32:49 Caller I'm sorry, I've been wasting my time. Do you think I would see that letter?

32:57 Adam Thank you.

33:00 Caller I got your book. I haven't read it yet but my mom read it and she said it's really good and so you know.

33:06 Adam What do you look like?

33:07 Caller What do I look like? I'm 5'10. I sent a picture and everything. You didn't get it?

33:13 Adam Oh yeah, yeah. We don't get anything ever from anybody unless we do get food.

33:21 Drew Katie, do you think we're like...

33:23 Adam We don't get anything. I've never seen anything ever except for ironically food and I think that's only because Lauren thinks it may be poison.

33:31 Drew Katie, do you think we're lying?

33:33 Caller I've been sharing way too much information with the world lately.

33:37 Drew But do you think we're somehow not telling you the truth about not seeing the man?

33:41 Adam But by the way, let me ask this. What happens to that crap? I mean if you're just some affiliate station, you get a letter with the address and our name on it or an email, you just dump it in the garbage?

33:53 Drew I don't know.

33:53 Adam Is that how it goes?

33:54 Drew I don't know.

33:55 Adam What do you think happens? Okay, you don't know.

33:57 Drew Get something garbage.

33:58 Adam All right.

34:00 Drew There's a warehouse somewhere waiting for us to come dig through it.

34:04 Adam There's probably some mountain of topless pictures that have been sent to me over the years that I've never seen. I call it Boob Mountain. Well, yeah. All right. So Katie, yes.

34:14 Caller Yeah, I don't have much to say.

34:17 Drew That was it.

34:18 Adam Listen, you don't...

34:19 Caller I have, like, a lot to say before.

34:20 Adam Well, look, I'll tell you what. Don't speak, my love. You just jot it down in the form of a note.

34:25 Bob Guiney Keep those cards and letters coming.

34:26 Adam A keepsake. Forgive me not. Spray a little perfume on it so the intern at 101 can beat off when he gets it before he wipes himself down with it and throws it away. That's enough. She's fine. She doesn't have anything to say. I just never, I never, I don't want an email, but it's still, it's still peculiar.

34:44 Drew What were you saying before Adam cut you out? What?

34:46 Caller Yeah. I have this, I have these really strong feelings for Adam, but I don't want to be, I guess I'm confused about if he has a wife or, you know, his husband.

34:56 Drew Yes, he has a wife.

34:56 Caller I'm sorry.

34:57 Drew He has a wife.

34:57 Caller I'm sorry, Adam.

34:58 Adam She's going out of town now.

35:00 Caller Oh, well, I'm sorry. I totally didn't mean to be.

35:03 Drew All right.

35:03 Adam Well, what do you look like just for fun?

35:08 Caller I'm 5'10, with brown curly hair.

35:10 Drew You're fat.

35:11 Adam Oh, Drew, please.

35:12 Caller How much you want? No, I'm of average size, I guess. I think I have a nice body.

35:20 Adam Oh, that's trouble. That's it. One eighty-five?

35:23 Caller No, not one eighty-five. Maybe one.

35:27 Adam Two oh five.

35:28 Caller Seventy.

35:30 Adam Five ten. That's a good junior college middle linebacker. Outside backers.

35:35 Caller You got to have wheels.

35:38 Adam There's a misunderstanding. And I led you on by answering the phone. And I'm sorry. All right, Katie. But we'll work it out. I'm out in Chicago all the time. It was like a weird uncomfortable thing where as if Katie and I had been exchanging, corresponding for a number of years and I told her I was coming out to Chicago and I wanted to stay with her and then she put her hand on my knee and I went, listen, I'm in a relationship. And then there was an uncomfortable moment. You've been sending emails to some jack off at Q101 who never forwarded them. That's what do we have something going here, Drew? There was a weird little, there was a weird little moment, wasn't it? In Katie's mind, there was a little something going, right? Like she was going to call and we were going to hook up, right?

36:30 Drew You were going to continue some relationship that had already been established.

36:35 Adam Interesting. You see, Bob.

36:36 Bob Guiney Sounds like love to me.

36:37 Adam I got it too, buddy. Except for I got the 180-pounders from Chicago. Katie, hey, you're good people. Not really people, but one and a half. Now, you're a dynamite, dynamite individual. Next time out in Chicago, we're going to hang out.

36:54 Drew Nice thing is that she's awakened to the fact that whatever feeling she did have about you, she's seen the real you now.

36:59 Bob Guiney Yeah, they're firmly gone.

37:00 Drew Yeah. That's good. You've done her a favor.

37:03 Adam All right.

37:04 Drew And everyone else is listening for that matter.

37:05 Adam All right. It's good times.

37:08 Drew Good times.

37:08 Adam All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. Bob Guiney's here from The Bachelor, nine o'clock, Wednesdays, ABC, and we'll be right back. LOVE LINE on 947.

37:52 Drew Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

37:53 Adam Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Bob Guiney, our guest tonight. Bob is The Bachelor, ABC. Wednesday Nights, ABC making a little bit of a comeback this season. Well, ABC was, you know, they dropped, they weren't in the top three. I think they were fourth. You know, I think Fox had sort of popped up there. They were hitting the skids a little bit. And Kimmel, whatnot. But they'd sort of come out strong. Now, some of it was Eight Simple Rules and John Ritter's Untimely Death and all that little stuff there. But I think some of the new shows are doing well. I think The Bachelor is doing well. And they have other new shows. Not that The Bachelor is new. It's a couple of years old. But I mean, they keep switching up the personnel each time. It's kind of an interesting thing, actually, because it's like Friends is 10 years old, and it's the cast of Friends. And then Temptation Island or The Bachelor or Survivor. It's weird that Survivor is six years old or five seasons old or something.

38:55 Drew Jesus, is that right already? Well, it is.

38:57 Adam Yeah. I mean, I can think of all the different locations they went to. But it's a totally new cast each time. So it doesn't really feel like it's a new thing. And I think The Bachelor. And by the way, when your kids are our age, they may be on the 33rd Bachelor. I mean, why not? If it's a formula that's going to work, it's almost like a game show in the sense that...

39:21 Drew They'll come have these guys come back as Widower. We'll do it again.

39:24 Bob Guiney Widower 31.

39:28 Adam Let's talk to Brandy, who's 21. Brandy?

39:34 Caller What's up?

39:41 Adam Go ahead.

39:42 Caller Okay.

39:42 Caller The first one is, okay, I got molested when I was 16 months old.

39:47 Drew Oh my God.

39:48 Adam 16 months.

39:49 Yeah.

39:49 And I get genital warts from it.

39:52 And I was wondering if the genital warts could be spread from hand to me because my sister got them as well, but she got them on the inside.

40:04 Drew Where you get them does not really matter. In other words, just having genital contact.

40:10 Adam Who did this to you?

40:11 My mom's old boyfriend.

40:14 Adam Old boyfriend. And where is he now? Do you know? No.

40:23 Drew Can you imagine a more deviant behavior? Is there one?

40:29 Adam No. I mean, if you gave me like 20 minutes in a steno pad, I'd probably come up with something, you know, but that's within the realm of reason. That's pretty deviant. Yeah. You know, by the way, yeah. You know, I like to do with these guys, I'll tell you what I like to do, they don't use them anymore. These are shark bang sticks. Oh, yeah. Stick with the shotgun shell on the end of it. They'd always pop the shark one if it got too close. Somehow somebody decided the bang stick wasn't of any use anymore in society. I got plenty of use for that bang stick. I like to give them a nice genital bang stick. Like number one, just, just pow. You know, just like what they would do with the shark. Shark would start swimming sideways, blood would start coming out and start heading for the bomb. I mean, cause, cause a bullet in the head is just, hell, that's, that's easy.

41:14 Bob Guiney That's too kind.

41:14 Adam That's too kind. It's too merciful. But bang stick to the nut sack. Good. Number one. And then after that, it's a sort of catch-is-catch-can kind of murder. Like we sit around, we think, well, he's bleeding pretty good. He's starting to lose consciousness.

41:30 Caller Bring him back.

41:32 Adam Drew, put a couple pints in him. Let's bring him back.

41:34 Caller Yeah.

41:35 Adam That kind of thing.

41:36 Drew By the way, they are now working diligently and will have soon a vaccine for genital warts.

41:42 Adam Oh, thank Christ. I mean, oh.

41:44 Drew Here's the thing. The dilemma they're in.

41:47 Adam Do tell.

41:47 Drew They're thinking that we should be vaccinating as part of the childhood vaccination program, but the public won't be able to sort of handle that.

41:55 Adam Dear God, yes.

41:55 Drew They were giving vaccines to STDs to one-year-olds, three-year-olds, and they're going to for sure be advocating for 12-year-olds. It's going to eliminate cervical cancer. That's why it's important. Now, Brandy, the thing about general warts that persist like that is they're often the ones that can put you at risk for cervical cancer.

42:13 I got them burned off whenever we had them burned off.

42:16 Drew Are they gone now?

42:18 Adam So, Brandy, how are you doing now emotionally?

42:28 Drew Do you go through periods where you're completely shut down, too?

42:31 Adam Not yet.

42:32 Drew Yes.

42:32 Adam You do? Because that stuff usually comes a little down the road.

42:36 Drew Yeah, there's sort of three versions of sex drive after sexual abuse. One is this bipolar drive, which is probably the most common, where people go hypersexual and then if they're actually in a real relationship, they suddenly shut down. They can't be intimate with somebody they're actually close with. Or they can become super sexual with everybody and become sexually compulsive or addicted, or they can be just frigid and shut down.

42:56 Adam Let me just put a call out to all the guys who molest 16-month-olds. You just got to put a gun in your mouth. I mean, you just do. You just do. It's just common, just out of dignity. Just have some dignity. Put a gun in your mouth. And you guys are tormented, obviously. I don't even think you want to do it. I don't know if you could say you enjoy it. Do you know what I mean? I think you're compelled to.

43:21 Drew You're driven to. It seems like a good idea thing, just imagine.

43:25 Adam All the rapists and murderers and pedophiles out there, just please put a gun in your mouth. Hey, you ball-less fags, just kill yourselves. People kill themselves every day for nothing. A Japanese businessman loses a couple hundred bucks for the firm.

43:41 Caller He falls on the sword.

43:43 Adam We got to start talking to people and killing themselves in this country. And we always talk about, don't kill yourself, don't kill yourself.

43:50 Caller Yes, there's a certain part of the population, it would be a great idea if the Green River killer up there in Seattle killed himself when he was 17. The world would be a better place.

44:00 Adam He would have been a good guy to kill himself. A lot of people who kill themselves are just going to go on to suck off the teat of the government, draw on the welfare checks and rape in a little, dabble with a few drugs and rape a couple of teens. Kill yourself.

44:14 Drew Randy, you in Kansas City?

44:15 Adam We don't need you. What's wrong with this?

44:18 Drew Randy, where are you? What city?

44:20 Adam I'm trying to lead a campaign for people to kill themselves.

44:23 Drew Where?

44:25 I'm in Missouri.

44:26 Is that what you're asking?

44:27 Drew What city?

44:28 Adam Missouri? Mm-hmm.

44:30 Drew She said Missouri, by the way.

44:31 Adam Yeah, not Missouri. And what city are you in?

44:35 Caller I'm in DeSoto.

44:37 Adam DeSoto. I know it well.

44:39 Drew What's that near?

44:42 Adam Another town I've never heard of. Arnold. Okay, see? Our callers never disappoint. Never disappoint. What is another town that Drew has never heard of? See? Oh, yeah. Good times.

44:55 Drew Well, we're losing Bob. That's why I cut your rant.

44:57 Adam Yeah, but we're not losing him yet.

44:59 Drew Two minutes.

45:00 Adam That's a lifetime with Bob. That's like being in the ring with Mike Tyson with Bob.

45:06 Bob Guiney I'm a talker.

45:07 Adam I mean, hold on. See, it's only been eight seconds. It feels like forever. We've got to endure 25 times of what we just endured.

45:17 Drew You're right.

45:18 Adam No, no, we'll talk to Bob.

45:24 Bob Guiney 24 seconds.

45:25 Adam Where are we at?

45:28 Drew That's 30 seconds.

45:29 Adam It's just 30 now.

45:30 Drew I know.

45:32 Bob Guiney It's the now.

45:34 Adam Let's see how long this takes. The Bachelor's on Wednesday nights, 9 o'clock ABC. I was like seven seconds.

45:41 Bob Guiney Seven seconds.

45:41 Adam It was almost nothing. Let me slow it down a little. Hey, Wednesday nights, ABC, The Bachelor, 9 o'clock.

45:52 Bob Guiney Nine seconds. Good.

45:56 Adam What's on this week?

45:56 Drew Oh, Bob has a CD coming out next week.

45:58 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah. What the hell is that? And this is not one of those things like Leonard Nimoy coming out with some crap just because he was on Star Trek.

46:07 Bob Guiney No, no, no.

46:07 Drew He was a band before he was The Bachelor.

46:09 Adam Bob was in a band before he was The Bachelor.

46:11 Bob Guiney Back in the day. Right out of college.

46:14 Adam And this is, and you can get this on amazon.com.

46:17 Bob Guiney Yep. It's really cool. They have an amazon.com/bobthinggoing on which I think is pretty exciting and quite weird.

46:24 Adam And surreal, right?

46:25 Bob Guiney Very much so, yes.

46:26 Adam Well good. Listen, God bless you Bob. Couldn't have happened to a better guy.

46:29 Bob Guiney Thanks you guys.

46:30 Adam Where we at time-wise?

46:31 Drew 40 more seconds.

46:32 Bob Guiney Oh my God. What else did we do?

46:35 Drew So Bob went to Michigan State?

46:36 Adam Michigan.

46:37 Bob Guiney I'm a big Spartan fan. Big Spartan fan.

46:39 Adam To the old green and white. The old green and white.

46:42 Drew I was on The Bachelorette with Trista, you know that?

46:43 Adam Trista.

46:44 Bob Guiney Trista Redd.

46:45 Adam That's right.

46:45 Bob Guiney It was delightful.

46:46 Adam Made to the, then five. The top five. Vegas Odds went off 41, then eight to one at the end. Yeah?

46:54 Bob Guiney That's just my, I just made that up actually.

46:57 Adam Alright, what do we got? We're almost done. Alright, that's it Bob.

47:02 Bob Guiney Hallelujah.

47:02 Adam God bless you. Hey, I wish you'd stay in our couple hours here.

47:05 Bob Guiney Oh thanks, it's been great for me.

47:07 Adam Good times, B. Well, take yourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this.

47:13 Bob Guiney Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:14 Caller Look in the hookup, call the Dateline. Stick a waist in time with the wrong person, call the Dateline.

47:18 Bob Guiney One call is all you need to make.

47:20 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:21 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

47:25 You know what I'm saying, I'm dead?

48:24 Drew I was all fired up during the commercial break talking to Drew.

48:31 Adam Which one? The bathroom stuff would be the best. You know what drives me nuts? I'll tell you what happened to me today. You ever get in a situation where you're waiting for something that you know you don't want? Like here's what I'm saying.

48:46 Drew Yeah.

48:47 Adam I walked out of Jimmy's Theater this afternoon, ran into some kind of guys that were drivers. And by the way, here's the irony of my life, and Drew's as well. You end up speaking to more drivers than you ever want to. People who drive cars for a living. Either they're like Teamsters, they drive town cars, they drive limousines, whatever it is. You end up spending hundreds of hours with these people because they pick you up from the airport and they drop you off and they're doing this and they're doing that. And they're usually horrible people because it's a guy who's 52 who drives a car for a living. How exciting is this guy? And they always tell you some story about having a tuna boat in Alaska and how they went opal mining in Australia and something, whatever it is, they're driving a car now. They're in a successful band. They're doing everything. They're attorneys. They're everything except for they're carting your ass to the airport at seven in the morning. But anyway, I walked out of the theater. I ran in some guy and now I avoid all guys with walkie talkies now. That's my new rule. The guy's got a walkie talkie, walk on the other side street and he stops me. He says, Adam. I'm like, hey, what's happening?

49:58 Caller Hey, Danny over here.

50:00 Adam You know Dan, right? Like Dan, yeah, yeah. I know that guy. I don't want to say the guy's last name. He's like, yeah, he's a driver too. That's great, great. By the way, I know Dan. I knew him when I was 19. Here's how I remember Dan. He spilled a bong in my apartment. We had a novelty bong that was like four feet high with a base on it the size of a Q-tip. You know, the bong was like made out of like a four inch PVC pipe and then came down to a point.

50:27 Drew Nice.

50:27 Adam You have to like stab it into the carpet to get it to stand up. Carpet's brand new. Dan topples the bong and this bong had had some mileage on it too. That's really, that's how I knew Dan. And every time I spent like five hours at his house trying to help him put a body lift kit on his Toyota truck once that I never got paid for. But anyways, Dan's over Dan when he gets on the talkie. Hey Dan, come talk to Adam. He wants to talk to you. It's everything too. It's like, what? I was trying to get to, I was trying to get to my office. But anyway, I'm standing out there. All right, Dan's an okay guy. I'll wait for Dan. Now I gotta make a small talk with the Teamster guys waiting for Dan. And it's about Dan. I haven't seen Dan in 20 years, you know? Hey Dan, tell you about Dan. I'm just like, uh-huh. Then the tourists from Green Bay. We gotta take the picture. And that's just what I was ranting to Drew about. What is it with these fat broads that grab you? First off, they grab you. And they was grabbing the same place. It's that meaty part of your arm between your shoulder and your elbow. And it's a little behind. Come here, come here, take a picture. See, it's a little bit of a pinch.

51:28 Caller Take a picture.

51:29 Adam And then, and they have, for fat ass chicks from Vermont or Idaho or wherever they're from, they got a lot of demands.

51:36 Caller Take your glasses off. Take your glasses off. Come on, put your hat, take your hat off.

51:40 Caller Come on, get a picture.

51:41 Adam Get a picture of me. Pulling on you, tugging on you. So they do that. And this one had directions. You wanted directions to universal students. Where's the university? You're from around here. Where's the university?

51:56 Drew But then they come through with some real zingers.

51:59 Adam Yeah, take that. And then it's always this. And then the insults that we start. And it's such a... You got, my stepbrother, Mark, he loves your show. I don't care for it. He loves it. He loved to get a picture of this again. I don't care for it. He loved to get a picture of you. This is gonna be, I've never seen your show, but I don't care for it. But he loves it. You start getting angry, and anyway, this big bitch, she was like, take your glasses off, take your hat off, let's get a picture. And then, while we're trying to take a picture, she was telling me simultaneously that she'd never seen The Man Show, and then said it was sexist, and she didn't much care for it, in which case I told her to F off. And then she was like, oh, she was like a wounded puppy, like a 300 pound pasty white cheesehead wounded puppy. She was like, we're not gonna take the picture? I was like, nah, screw you. And she was like, what, what, what, what? But now it was uncomfortable because I had to stand around and wait for Dan, who I didn't really want to see, too, who was just, the guy got on the walkie talkie, and was told Dan to come over from like a mile away, he was sitting in a truck, you know. Now I told him to F off, and now I gotta stand there, and she's like, come on, take the picture with me. And I was like, no, no, you fat cow.

53:12 Drew Oh my God.

53:13 Adam Jesus Christ, everybody. I know, I just sound like a prima donna prick, but you can't just keep insulting people. How many times you heard it?

53:24 Drew We've been through that a number of times, yeah.

53:26 Adam Yeah, and Drew, you're too nice to people.

53:28 Drew I know.

53:28 Adam Tell them to F off immediately. Just beat it. It's the world's greatest line. Just tell them to beat it. Remember when we were at Best Buy? Some 15 year old little snot-nosed teen chick comes up to me and she goes, are you an asshole in real life or just on TV?

53:47 Drew And I turned around and went, beat it! She went, huh, what, yeah, beat it!

53:51 Adam I didn't even do two beat it's. I just turned around, I gave it a nice beat, and I said, beat it! She ran, she almost started crying. Beat it. That was awesome, Drew. Drew, now you gotta use the beat it when someone comes up and starts insulting you.

54:07 Caller You real dark, they're just the love dark.

54:10 Adam They start with a compliment. I like your show, I watch your show, but what makes you think you have the right to give advice? You know, and then that starts slowing into how much they hate it. Sarah?

54:21 Take a phone call, hello?

54:24 Adam Who you talking to? What's up?

54:26 I'm trying to get some advice, yo.

54:28 Adam All right, yo. V-V-Bitch. What's happening?

54:34 How you guys doing?

54:35 Adam You gonna give me some advice? Shut up. Hey, I'm trying to get some advice. Okay, go ahead.

54:42 Caller What's up?

54:44 Adam Ah, give me, give me an advice. I just wanna get some advice. All right, go ahead. Ask your question.

54:49 Caller What's up?

54:52 Adam Listen, you coos, you want that advice or not?

54:55 I want the advice.

54:56 Adam All right, then ask the question.

54:58 Okay, so the question is, bro, 24, she's getting married in two and a half months. She's been with the guy for a lot of time, couple of years. She comes home and finds out that her fiance has an archive of videos of him with ex-girlfriends that he's been getting off on for months and months and months and months.

55:21 Drew How many ex-girlfriends?

55:22 So this like, all right, you go through.

55:26 Drew How many represented? How many women are represented there?

55:29 What?

55:30 Drew How many women are represented in these tapes?

55:32 Talk about like four women in the video and more women in the photos.

55:38 Adam This 24 year old should send those tapes to a very lonely talk show host. And where are you now? Are you drunk?

55:47 No, but I'm open to be there.

55:50 Adam You got a little buzz going though, right, Sarah?

55:52 No, but I, you know, you got, I've been waiting to talk to you and the bar's like two feet away. I'm waiting to go in and get the buzz going on.

56:02 Adam You've been waiting for 11 minutes, which is nothing by Loveline standards, by the way.

56:06 Oh, well, I didn't know that, you know.

56:09 Adam All right, all right. So you found, did you watch the videos of your fiance having sex with these women?

56:14 No, I saw the photos. The photos were incredibly graphic. And I saw the photos and he was like, oh, it was a porno gift for a friend. As it turns out, not so.

56:26 Adam Where did you find these? I mean, where did you look for them?

56:30 Drew How did this happen?

56:30 We lived together and this was in my house. I found a digital camera and on the saved photos of the digital camera were sex photos. He'd taken photos of the video because he was scared I was going to catch the videos.

56:46 Adam I love guys.

56:47 He took photos of them so he could save them.

56:49 Caller All right.

56:50 Drew So he threw the videos away. That showed a little bit of empathy.

56:54 Adam Oh, well, no, I don't know that he threw the videos away.

56:57 Drew They're hidden somewhere. They're buried in the backyard.

56:59 Adam Yeah, why do you think those videos are thrown out?

57:02 Oh, well, he kind of showed me the burnt evidence, but we're not sure that they're thrown away.

57:08 Drew Yeah, he showed you some, some all right. The engine that he burned.

57:11 Adam Yeah, that was, Ernest goes to camp, believe me.

57:15 The point is that the guy is trying to cheat without really cheating. Do you marry him or do you just kind of say, no, no?

57:20 Drew This is not about him cheating, but this speaks volumes about who he is as a person. He's The fact that he would exploit women like that and then keep the images around long after they were gone and that he wouldn't expose you to that stuff.

57:34 Adam He doesn't seem like a great guy.

57:35 Drew Yeah, it's not a very good guy move.

57:37 Adam And don't take this the wrong way, but you don't sound like a dynamite gal either. So maybe you guys have just sort of met semi-crappy people and you should get married. You sound good looking, but you sound like a sort of pain in the ass.

57:52 Drew She would definitely hook up with this kind of guy.

57:54 Yeah.

57:54 Drew That's what it sounds like to me.

57:55 Caller Look, look, it's not the world's-

57:56 So much more than he's gotten on the video. And believe me, it's, okay, whatever. I'm not gonna go there.

58:04 Adam You've what? You've gotten, what do you mean he's gotten so much more than he has?

58:07 Drew We're talking about you as a human being. Sarah, we're talking about you as a human being.

58:12 Adam Sarah just sounds like a horrible, shallow, just soulless person. Yeah. You really sound like a bad person.

58:22 Caller Really?

58:22 Drew He's a bad person too.

58:23 Adam Yeah, but he's not a great person either. So maybe you guys are cool. I mean, look.

58:28 Caller I'm in med school.

58:32 I'm trying to do good things.

58:34 Drew Yeah, but you- Yeah, but you should, first of all, marriages during medical school never work out. Okay. I mean, if you've seen that happen, but-

58:46 Who's saying that?

58:47 Drew Drew is. Every marriage that I saw during my class evolution did not survive medical school or residency. So-

58:56 So I'm first year and you're saying it's like med school or marriage?

59:01 Drew I'm just telling you, first of all, it's not a good idea. It just doesn't tend to work out statistically. Why is that funny?

59:08 Well, because why would I choose the guy over medical school opportunity if he's going to go cheating on me?

59:16 Drew I'm just telling you, you said it was your fiance and I'm saying already that's a bad idea. Secondly-

59:21 Was it fiance or the medical school?

59:23 Adam Oh, shut up. Just shut up. Just go marry the guy. One day he'll show pictures of him banging the bejesus out of you to some new chick. Just get the hell out of here. Oh, God, did I hate that, Sarah. I hate her for the first three seconds. Listen, it's my job to tell you people how horrible some of you sound. And Sarah, God, baby, I hope you were drunk because you just sound like a world-class bitch.

59:47 Drew If it's true that she's going to medical school, she really needs to talk to the mental health services.

59:50 Adam I can't imagine she's going to a medical school. It just sounds way too stupid. But look, here's the thing. And I really mean this. I don't mean this as a put-down. This guy sounds like a prick. Sarah, anyone who's heard Sarah realizes she's not a quality human being either. Look, not all of us are. And I don't mean me. I mean Mother Teresa. Hey, look, everyone's not the world's greatest person. People are flawed. They have Achilles' heels. They have foibles. Yes, Drew?

1:00:17 Drew Foibles, yes. Foibles. All right, let's I like a like a like a sore. I want to pick. We just go back.

1:00:25 Adam I can't help it. Sarah.

1:00:30 Yes.

1:00:31 Drew Yeah, you're in first year medical school.

1:00:33 Yes.

1:00:35 Drew When do you start?

1:00:37 I'm already in. I'm in my first quarter.

1:00:41 Drew First quarter of medical school. At Davis. And so do they have organ system curriculum there or is it by subject?

1:00:49 It's just, you know, quarters, nine classes a quarter, submersive program.

1:00:56 Drew By organ system or by topic, by subject?

1:01:00 It's both, I mean, pretty much.

1:01:02 How do you have time to be drunk at a bar?

1:01:04 Drew Are you in medical school or are you an undergraduate?

1:01:08 No, I'm in medical school.

1:01:10 Adam All right, baby doll. Look, you're too quality a person for this guy.

1:01:17 Drew And I'll say it again, marriage, as you said, it was your fiance. Marriages do not tend to survive medical school and residency, statistically. Wait until you're well into your residency.

1:01:25 Adam But I know you're hot, aren't you?

1:01:27 Honey, the thing is.

1:01:30 Adam Yes?

1:01:30 We've been good for so long, you know.

1:01:32 Adam You're good looking, right?

1:01:34 Now, now that I've been, you know, taking care of him, and now, and I'm in this medical school thing, I got my own stuff going on.

1:01:42 Adam Yeah, what's he do? What's he do besides take pictures?

1:01:46 He's got a vineyard, he sells wine.

1:01:48 Adam Oh, really? Nice. I don't know. Now I'd hang on to this guy. If he's like a booze fountain, I'd hang on to this guy. Oh, I'll bet. But listen.

1:02:00 He's cheating 10 years from now.

1:02:02 Adam What's that? You know, he's gonna cheat, don't you worry. But look, here's the thing. All you gotta do is don't get married until you're done with medical school.

1:02:11 Drew Yeah, really.

1:02:12 Adam Which will probably be in like 14 years.

1:02:14 In December, you say push it off.

1:02:15 Adam I'd say push it off.

1:02:17 Drew Just look at the data. Look at the data on marriages through medical school. Just look at the data.

1:02:21 Adam No, she's never gonna graduate medical school. Could you imagine her as your doctor? Hey, Bob.

1:02:29 Caller Oh, what's up?

1:02:31 Adam 24, what's going on?

1:02:32 Caller Yeah. Between my female friends and my guy friends, I've had a lot of, a lot of my female friends said they notice guys get them more often when they're on a period. And what I'm wondering is, not to do nothing now, but what I'm wondering is, do females release some kind of hormone or pheromone when they're bleeding?

1:02:53 Drew That turns guys on, you're saying?

1:02:56 Caller Yeah, they notice more guys getting at them compared to when they're not on their period.

1:03:00 Drew It's an interesting observation.

1:03:03 Adam What about that, Drew?

1:03:04 Drew The human is actually one of the only mammals that doesn't have a estrus, doesn't have a period. Most other animals, yeah, they go in kind of heat and they're sort of a fertile period. And that's when the guys are interested. But maybe there's some residual evolutionary.

1:03:19 Adam But you think they ever did? I mean, many, many-

1:03:23 Drew Oh, well, we're related to other mammals. So we have to have some genetics in us related to those. And maybe there's some vestigial aspect of it that remains that attracts men around that time. But it's not specifically a period of rot for other animals.

1:03:38 Caller So like, except for that cheap cologne or cheap perfume.

1:03:43 Drew There are sermons.

1:03:43 Caller Body language.

1:03:46 Drew I don't know that anyone could say yes or no to what you're asking, Bob, but it's an interesting observation.

1:03:51 Adam Yeah, but good times, you know. And Drew, what about that?

1:03:57 Drew What?

1:03:57 Adam Well, women are sometimes hornier on their period or just before their period.

1:04:02 Drew Some are and some are not.

1:04:04 Adam Thank you, Drew.

1:04:05 Drew No, but that's the point. No, but the point is that it's not specifically a period of receptivity. It's not as though we've evolved to have that happen and we're also not more fertile.

1:04:15 Adam Not specifically and they're not more fertile and all that stuff, that's for sure. And that's a good point. I mean, if you're going biologically, I think fertility is the sort of the goal, the final judge of this sort of stuff. But I'm wondering, and maybe women can tell us tonight, more, it seems like ironically more than not seem to have a little extra sexual energy as just before the period. No?

1:04:43 Drew Some are shut down then. It's how they respond to progesterone that really determines it. And the changing levels of it. Erica?

1:04:51 Adam You're 23? What's up?

1:04:55 Caller My question is, I have a hard, hard trouble trying to get an orgasm. I've been with my boyfriend for five months and I lost in Virginia before and he's like the only one I'm really special attracted to. He takes his time on me.

1:05:12 Adam Takes his time.

1:05:14 Caller He takes his time on me.

1:05:16 Adam On you, yes.

1:05:17 Caller Yeah, cause other guys would just like one minute dies and that's it, you know.

1:05:22 Drew Have you ever had an orgasm, ever?

1:05:25 Caller No, you know what? The only orgasm I had was when he messed with me.

1:05:29 Drew When he what?

1:05:31 Adam When he masturbates you.

1:05:33 Caller Yeah.

1:05:34 Adam Which sounds incorrect, I mean, in terms of...

1:05:37 Drew The body part.

1:05:40 Adam No, no, what I mean is it sounds like improper grammar to a lot of our listeners, he masturbates me. But you can be masturbated.

1:05:48 Drew Yes, we had that big discussion once, didn't we?

1:05:52 Adam We did. He masturbates me. Still sounds like there's something grammatically incorrect there and possibly socially wrong, too. But Erica, so when he-

1:06:02 Drew Spiritually, spiritually.

1:06:03 Adam Spiritually wrong, grammatically wrong, cosmically wrong. But when he masturbated you, that was the only time that you had the orgasm. Yes, okay. How about, right, and how about oral sex? Does he ever give you that?

1:06:21 Caller Yeah, he tried to, but just not doing it.

1:06:27 Adam He didn't enjoy it?

1:06:29 Caller Yeah.

1:06:30 Adam Did he ever want to try again? Seems like that might be a good angle.

1:06:36 Caller Probably, yeah, but you're saying to kind of teach him because he doesn't know what to do.

1:06:41 Adam It's not so good. Well, did he encourage him? Did he have a stroke or something?

1:06:46 Caller I don't know.

1:06:49 Adam Sure, maybe a stroke victim. Does he have any paralysis in his tongue?

1:06:54 Caller No, I don't think so.

1:06:56 Drew Aphasia.

1:06:58 Caller I'm thinking of this because I need to find myself in...

1:07:01 Adam Yes, yes, there you go. Do you know what paralysis means, Erica, by the way?

1:07:06 Caller No, I don't, sorry.

1:07:07 Drew Okay, ever heard of the Holocaust?

1:07:09 Adam How about the Holocaust?

1:07:10 Caller The Holocaust? No.

1:07:13 Drew Never heard of that.

1:07:14 Adam Well, let me put it into context. In the context of World War II, the Holocaust? Oh, you have? What was it? What was it? You know what? No. Okay, no. Well, that's Adolf Hitler. You're down with him? You know him? You know a country he was from? Germany? Yeah. All right. And now I'm amused. World War II. You know who the good guys and the bad guys were?

1:07:55 Drew Oh, please, Adam. Come on. Impossible.

1:07:57 Adam It could happen.

1:07:58 Caller Good guys and the bad guys.

1:07:59 Adam Yeah, World War II. Germany? Germany?

1:08:04 Drew Bad guys?

1:08:07 Caller Yeah.

1:08:08 Adam Italy? What do you think of Italy?

1:08:10 Caller What I think of Italy?

1:08:11 Drew She doesn't understand the question.

1:08:13 Adam Oh, okay. All right, let's keep moving here. Are you using, it's important that you use protection. Yes? Do you have any children?

1:08:23 Caller No.

1:08:24 Drew Good.

1:08:24 Adam You don't?

1:08:25 Drew What are you using to be sure that doesn't happen?

1:08:27 Adam Well, why don't you have any children?

1:08:28 Caller I don't want to have kids right now.

1:08:30 Drew Good girl.

1:08:31 Adam Have you been using protection?

1:08:33 Caller Yes.

1:08:34 Adam Good. What have you been using? Good girl, fantastic. We are so proud of you, Erica.

1:08:42 Drew She's got to know the access powers.

1:08:45 Adam All right. All right. Now, who was... Do you know what year World War II was in, in years?

1:08:56 Caller What year? What decade?

1:08:59 Adam Approximately.

1:09:00 Drew What decade?

1:09:01 Caller You got me on that one, I don't know. That's tough.

1:09:07 Adam By the way, proving my point, that women don't know anything about war. All right, so Erica, have the guy, I think he should learn how to perform oral sex a little bit better.

1:09:22 Drew There you go, that's a nice goal, short-term goal. And then she needs to figure out herself, which she has set as a goal for herself.

1:09:28 Adam Yes.

1:09:28 Drew There you go. Another satisfied customer.

1:09:31 Adam We've talked to a handful of people on the show, who never heard of the Holocaust, by the way.

1:09:34 Drew Yeah, and then we get in trouble for pointing that out. Which I find truly, truly reprehensible.

1:09:40 Adam Erica.

1:09:42 Drew LA.

1:09:42 Adam Unified School District.

1:09:46 Drew Is that where you went to school?

1:09:49 Caller I went to school, right now.

1:09:50 Drew Now did you go to the LA. Unified School District?

1:09:53 Caller No.

1:09:54 Drew No, where'd you go to school?

1:09:56 Caller I went to school in Baldwin Park.

1:09:59 Drew Yeah, LA.

1:10:00 Adam Baldwin Park. Yeah, that'd be under the umbrella of the LA. Unified School District.

1:10:07 Drew Right.

1:10:08 Adam Name your high school was what? Baldwin Park High? All right. I knew I could get the LA. Here's the irony of the LA. Unified School District. The job they do is so poor, the people that they crank out of their system are so stupid that they don't even know that the LA. Unified School District is responsible for their stupidity. It's beautiful.

1:10:31 Drew Yeah.

1:10:32 Adam It's really, it's like hospitals that perform lobotomies, not having to worry about getting sued by the patients because they don't remember where they were or even where they are. You don't even know that Baldwin Park is right in the middle of Los Angeles.

1:10:47 Drew Don't know you had a bad education.

1:10:49 Adam Oh, no.

1:10:50 You got to ask her when World War III was.

1:10:53 Adam No, Anderson, please. How dare you? We don't pick on our guests. I don't know if there's worse than LA.

1:11:03 Drew It doesn't seem to be.

1:11:04 Adam It just doesn't seem like there is any. And I'm a product of that system. But especially as you start moving more toward the inner city, I just don't think you could do any worse. And we talk to people that are in their 20s and I'm not sure what they've heard of. I don't know what they do know.

1:11:23 Drew I start thinking about them voting and stuff and I'm thinking, what do you base your decision?

1:11:27 Adam Oh, no. Listen, I've said this many times. We got to get everyone to get out and vote. Really? You got to get really ill-informed, stupid people to vote? Is that how you would like it? That's your plan? Hey, let's get as many quasi-illiterate, retarded people to vote on important topics. Really? You think? Is that how you'd want it to work, Drew? I don't think that's how I'd want it to work. I'd rather a smaller group of well-informed, well-educated, intelligent people vote. Is that elitism? That we want non-retards voting? And believe me, a lot of the people we talk to, although would not be classified as retarded, it's just as good as retarded. As a matter of fact, a little worse because retarded people somehow seem to know a lot about certain things that they just obsess on.

1:12:18 Drew And they have insight, too. They have insight that they're deficient.

1:12:21 Adam Right. Thank you. All right. We're going to take ourselves a what's important that everyone vote. Everyone vote. Really?

1:12:30 Drew Maybe we should return this back to a republic where we have really representatives make the decisions, not the not the not the man.

1:12:37 Adam I'm cool with a handful of intelligent people voting, and it doesn't have to be everybody.

1:12:41 Drew You see like the CSB republic again. Blame Andrew Jackson. He's the one that turned into a real democracy.

1:12:47 Adam Let me just ask you this, Drew. Would you like, let's say there was two cars, okay? Everything comes down to cars.

1:12:55 Drew Yeah, of course, of course.

1:12:56 Adam Would you like a ton of people voting on what car you should drive? Or just a handful of really educated, really smart, insightful people voting on it? Or just listen to me. That's what I'm saying.

1:13:08 Drew It's a dictatorship.

1:13:09 Adam Wouldn't you be nervous if a bunch of idiots were voting on what where you're going to live or what car you're going to drive or what your your life policy would be? I'd be scared assless. Thank you.

1:13:20 Drew Good point.

1:13:22 Adam That's a decent point. It wasn't great. We'll take a break. We'll be right back.

1:13:31 Caller Loveline.

1:13:31 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:13:34 Caller Loveline will be right back. Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's most trusted condom for over 80 years.

1:13:52 Adam Hey, buddy, Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, big lightning round coming up at the end of the show tonight. Oh, yeah.

1:14:01 Drew Oh, did we get the cowbell? We're gonna get to steal it from the morning show office?

1:14:06 Adam Producer Anne is gonna find that cowbell. Yeah, Anderson's got his cowbells, and he's got his rocks.

1:14:12 I got you covered.

1:14:12 Adam Hey, hey, man. He's got me covered, yeah.

1:14:14 In defense of me, dude, I don't know how many times, dude, bro, that I've asked you to do the lightning round, you say no. I like the lightning round.

1:14:21 Adam Sorry, buddy.

1:14:22 Caller I asked you to do it when we had the man cow on. I thought it'd be perfect. And you said no.

1:14:26 Adam You know, I just never want to do it when we have guests because it's always sort of makes him sit there and watch me sweat for nine minutes.

1:14:32 Caller But he is the morning show.

1:14:33 Adam That is true.

1:14:34 Caller And Ralph last week.

1:14:36 Caller Blah, blah. Dropping trowel.

1:14:44 Drew Neither Ralph nor Man Cow run a morning show like that.

1:14:47 Adam Yeah, man cow may get close, but.

1:14:52 Caller Man cow is that show Drew.

1:14:54 Drew No, no, no, no.

1:14:55 Caller Blah, blah.

1:14:58 Adam Gonna drop trowel.

1:14:59 Drew That's not Man Cow.

1:15:01 Adam It's not far from Man Cow.

1:15:02 Drew It's pretty far from Man Cow.

1:15:04 Adam Well, it may be far from the Man Cow we know off the air, but.

1:15:09 Drew No, you never done his morning show.

1:15:11 Adam I've done his morning show a number of times. Okay.

1:15:16 All right.

1:15:18 Adam Genevieve.

1:15:21 Drew Oh boy.

1:15:22 Adam Got that little girl voice.

1:15:23 Oh, no, I don't. I'm sorry.

1:15:27 Adam What happened? Molested?

1:15:29 No, honestly, nothing happened.

1:15:32 Adam Never molested.

1:15:33 Drew No, she's changed it. Listen, keep going.

1:15:35 Adam Physical abuse?

1:15:37 No, not at all.

1:15:39 Adam What's up?

1:15:39 I'm trying to talk really low. I don't want my dad to hear me.

1:15:43 Adam What's up?

1:15:45 Oh, she's sleeping. Everybody's here. Okay, well, I'm gonna give you a little bit of history first. I am a really outgoing person and I have no problem talking to guys or anything and I'm really goal-oriented in going to college and getting my degree and stuff like that. And I'm-

1:16:07 Adam You're 16.

1:16:08 Caller Yes.

1:16:09 Adam You're in college?

1:16:11 Caller No, no, but I plan on going there.

1:16:12 Drew Intense to go.

1:16:13 Adam Why don't you just tack secretary of state on top of that, too?

1:16:17 Caller Maybe someday.

1:16:19 Adam All right, goal-oriented, yes.

1:16:22 Caller And I'm pretty mature for my age is what people tell me all the time and I work at a Starbucks where there's a lot of 20-year-old guys that go there and work there.

1:16:36 Drew Go there or work there? Or both?

1:16:37 Caller They go there. Go and work there. And anyways, I get asked for my number all the time because they never know how old I am. And when I tell them, they always freak out or some of them just say, okay, well, why don't we hang out anyway?

1:16:51 Drew Well, those are the guys you want to hang with, right? That's the irony. Right?

1:16:56 Caller Okay, well, my problem is that I have a couple of really, really close guy friends that I've been hanging out with for a while and one is 21 and the other one is 22.

1:17:06 Drew Okay, wait, hold on, hold slow, hold on. Adam, please give her a primer on a 21-year-old male friend.

1:17:13 Adam He's looking for the poon tang. Yes, he wants sex. Otherwise, he just wants to talk to a 16-year-old and no, no, you don't. No, nobody, no 20-something year, nobody wants to talk to a 16-year-old chick except for her 16-year-old friends. And males want to hump, and they may like to talk too, but they want to hump.

1:17:38 Drew I mean, you can keep them at that at-bay status if you don't, if you make it clear to them they're just friends, but then they'll magically stop hanging around quite so much. The nice guy will hang around waiting for his turn. He will wait and wait and wait, magically be there when you're upset some night.

1:17:54 Caller Yeah, but the bad thing about a nice guy is that he doesn't make a move.

1:17:58 Drew Yeah, you don't want them to make a move. That's what they're there, they're waiting, trying to, they're super attracted to you. That's why they're hanging out.

1:18:05 Adam Yeah.

1:18:06 Caller All right.

1:18:07 Caller Well, I have one other question for you guys.

1:18:09 Adam Yes.

1:18:10 Caller I'm sorry.

1:18:11 Caller It's all right.

1:18:11 Caller I'm really nervous right now. I have a group of friends that I've been best friends with for like six, seven years. And they're three girls and we've known each other for forever and really, really well. And about a year ago, we met this guy and he's our age, he's like 16 or 17. And two of the girls started liking him and we pretty much tried to like go up against each other, get this guy's attention. And I found out that he was, I didn't...

1:18:44 Drew He was into you.

1:18:45 Caller Yeah. And I didn't, anyways, they all turned against me and it was absolutely horrible.

1:18:52 Drew That is so, that is the Achilles heel of the female human.

1:18:55 Adam Yeah, they don't work together.

1:18:57 Caller I've never ever chosen a guy over my friends and I would never do that. I like, I get really, really depressed about that sometimes.

1:19:06 Adam Yeah, I'm telling you.

1:19:08 Drew Can you recapture those friendships? Sure.

1:19:11 Adam Chicks and blacks, they gotta learn to work together. It holds them both back. All everyone else bands together. Not the blacks, not the chicks. They talk about it all the time. All chicks and blacks talk about, oh, we're getting together. Oh, we're starting to march. We gotta get it together. We gotta band together. We gotta stick together. Then they stab each other in the back and it's all over with.

1:19:32 Drew Female primates-

1:19:33 Adam They gotta not talk about it so much and start doing it.

1:19:35 Drew Female primates shun. Once they decide one is sort of a danger, the rest of them gang up and then shun. Did I say human primates?

1:19:44 Adam I don't know. It sounded racist. It sounds very racist what you're saying, Drew.

1:19:47 Drew Primates tend to do that and humans do it too. Female primates is what I said.

1:19:52 Adam Okay, it sounds very racist. Very racist. Yeah, the point is is no two groups talk about getting together more, no two actually get together less. They get, everyone, you gotta be like the Vietnamese, very quiet, very sneaky, but they get together and they stick together and that's how they make money. You see what I'm saying? You women could do that too. That's what cracks me up. Every time you see these women, women marching equal this for equal that, we want this, that, all these women's groups and stuff, they all hate each other. It's actually ironic that the two groups that have the hardest time getting along with their own, blacks and chicks, are the two ones that are the loudest with the marches and the whole nine yards. Now they would say it's because they're being discriminated the most, but that's not the case. It's really that they don't get along the worst. They don't get along at all and it's overcompensation. Give that a little thought for a second, Drew. Everyone, let that sink in. Let's see. Who don't you see marching?

1:20:50 Drew Well, I was just thinking that homosexuals do a little bit of that too.

1:20:53 Adam They do a lot of that too.

1:20:54 Drew But they get along.

1:20:56 Adam It's because they're after each other's ass.

1:20:57 Drew So what? They get along.

1:20:58 Adam All right, but they got ass.

1:21:00 Drew By the way, that's the only other alternative that these two guys are hanging out with Genevieve. That's the other possibility.

1:21:08 Adam Drew, you do make a good counterpoint to my blacks and chicks points with the homosexuals. But I would argue that the reason I want to get together is because I don't want to bang each other.

1:21:20 Drew It doesn't matter what the motive is.

1:21:22 Adam It's gay pride parades just turn into one big circle jerk at the end of the street.

1:21:26 Drew Much smaller total numbers get a hell of a lot done though, don't they?

1:21:29 Adam That's true.

1:21:30 Drew So there you go. It makes your point in a way.

1:21:32 Adam Right? Mm-hmm.

1:21:34 Drew They get together, they get some ass done.

1:21:37 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It just turns into one big circle jerk though. But that's all right. Hey, I don't judge. Anyone who listens to the show knows I don't judge. Right, Drew? Yeah, they know that. David? You're 21?

1:21:52 Caller Uh-huh.

1:21:53 Adam What's up?

1:21:54 Caller Um, I've been going out with this girl for about a year, almost two months.

1:22:00 Drew Mm-hmm.

1:22:01 Caller And all of a sudden, I guess she kind of broke down and just told me, she's been like lying to me about all kinds of things. And for the most part, I thought I knew her as like a really honest person.

1:22:15 Drew What was she lying about?

1:22:16 Caller Um, well, there's been people that, about 20 people that aren't even real at all. And on some daily basis, she would tell me about something that happened with them. A lot about, I think about four or five people she told me were just relatives that didn't even exist. And she's even had a, I guess, one day she even had a phone call to one of them, and she talked on the phone. I thought she was talking to them.

1:22:48 Drew So what was the point of all that?

1:22:52 Caller Oh, sorry, what'd you say?

1:22:53 Drew Why is she doing that?

1:22:55 Caller I have no idea.

1:22:56 Adam All right, hold on, hold on.

1:22:57 Drew Did you ask her?

1:22:58 Caller Oh, boy.

1:23:00 Adam Even Huel Hauser is bored by that. And this is a guy who can go to a horchata factory and marvel for days. That's where the rice and the cinnamon come together. Yeah, here, that's where the rice and... That's why we call it the rice and cinnamon vat. Wow, the rice and the cinnamon vat. Yeah, that's what it is. Now, this is wonderful. Yeah, and believe me, he's at a tortilla factory. That's what he does. He just tours old Southlion factories and marvels at nothing. But listen, David, how long you two been going out?

1:23:41 Caller It's been over a year now.

1:23:43 Caller Over a year?

1:23:44 Caller Yeah, so it's like a big shock to me, I think.

1:23:47 Caller Hold on.

1:23:48 Adam Have you guys had sex?

1:23:49 Caller Yeah.

1:23:50 Drew This is your first girlfriend?

1:23:52 Caller Yeah.

1:23:54 Adam When is the last time you guys had sex?

1:23:58 Caller Well, a week ago.

1:23:59 Adam A week? Maybe two weeks?

1:24:03 Caller No, it's been about a week ago. Probably not too long before.

1:24:06 Drew More than two weeks and he wouldn't be taking this lying stuff quite so well.

1:24:12 Adam You think she has like a personality disorder?

1:24:15 Caller You know, she's extremely, extremely insecure, like beyond belief, and I don't even know how I've dealt with it the whole time. It's like really hell, actually. No, and also that's another thing, is the whole time I've been with her, she told me that she like had something, that something happened to her and stuff, and I guess this is all because she had like two other boyfriends beforehand in the last one.

1:24:44 Drew When we asked if she had been victimized, why did you say no? She had something happen to her.

1:24:49 Caller Well, she said that this happened, but then she also just dropped this on me, that she never like told me exactly what happened. She told me practically like she was raped, and then she just dropped this on me, that this never even happened.

1:25:01 Adam David, I don't know where we start with young David. I don't think he's... I think he's ill-equipped to handle this. David, you sound like you're 14. That's okay. That's good. You're a low-mileage guy. You haven't let the weight of the world drive you to the ground like half the people that call this show. Fine. This chick is going to be confusing because she's confused, because she's been through a lot, and you're going to have a hard time keeping up with her. So, David, let me say this. Do not get her pregnant. I won't. Do not get her pregnant. Are you listening to me?

1:25:35 Caller Do not get her pregnant.

1:25:38 Adam Okay. Other than that, it's going to go its course. You'll have your highs, your lows, you'll go insane, you'll feel tortured, whatever. If you can walk away without killing yourself, killing her, or bringing a kid into the world, then you're unscathed. It just ends up like a bad dream. I was just taking a nap today. I was thinking about some of my old girlfriends and I was just thinking to myself, bad dream. This wasn't even me. Bad dream. Now, if we had a kid, or I put a gun in my mouth, I'm not sure how that would work. Put a gun in my mouth. But the point is, I wouldn't be lying on my sofa thinking bad dream. Because that's all it felt like. Drew, you know what I'm saying? You had some relationship when you were 23. We weren't even there, were you? I mean, now, just bad dream. It's weird memory, right?

1:26:21 Drew It's not even bad dream, just dream.

1:26:23 Adam Just dream. Yeah, no, there's some good parts. Sure.

1:26:26 Drew It's like half present, not full there.

1:26:28 Adam All right. Take a quick break, Lightning Round, kiddies, after this.

1:27:36 Caller Let's get a quick check of the weather. Vista Del Mar coming in 63, Van Nuys coming in 63, Del Playa Del Rio coming in 63, San Gabriel 63, Sun Valley 63, Torrance 63, Norco 63 degrees, Laguna Niguel coming in in Chilly Chilly 63 degrees, Sun Valley coming in in 63 degrees, Highland Park 62, get a sweater, Encino 63 in 63 in Van Nuys, and it's a mediocre 63 in Tarzana. Let's give the weather one more time. Vista Del Mar 63 degrees, Van Nuys 63, Playa Del Ray 63, San Gabriel 63 degrees, Sun Valley 63, Norco 63, Torrance 63, Laguna Niguel 63, San Rafael 63, and Highland Park 63 degrees. A big 63 degrees everywhere in the Southern United States. Let's get the traffic real loud. We gotta get that traffic. I know you're in the shower, but you need to hear about traffic. The 91, the 91, the 91 freeway. Spill, spill load of insulation out there. Blah, blah, CHP running a traffic break. Blah, blah, slow and go on the 101. Look out for brake lights. Blah, blah, mattress and lanes. Blah, blah, look out for brake lights. Slow and go. Blah, blah, 63 degrees. Blah, blah, look out for brake lights. Blah, blah, what time is it? I'll tell you what time it is, Drew. It's 745 in the morning. That's 15 minutes, remain aglocked straight up, and we got more weather traffic coming up at the top of the hour. I'll just go to drop trial. I will drop trial. Drew, sorry. I'll just go to drop trial. 63 degrees. 63 degrees. 63 degrees. It's 63 degrees everywhere. 63 goddamn degrees every mofo place. 63. 63. Except for, except for, Highland Park coming in at 62. Get a sweater. 62 and Highland Park. Wait a minute. News flash. Just went up to 63 in Highland Park. It is now 63 degrees. We got to get the call. Wait, wait.

1:29:49 Drew It's a lightning round.

1:29:52 Caller Traffic and lines. Traffic and lines. News is the top of the hour. News is the top of the hour. I gotta get to the weather. Hurry! Hurry with your question. I gotta get back to the weather. It's 63 degrees. You gotta go fast cause we gotta get to the weather and then there's traffic. There's traffic in places you've never been, never heard of and you're never going to, but we gotta get to it. Now go! Go baby. After sex becomes hypersensitive. Hypersensitive. 63 degrees in Van Nuys and Norco. Norco, Highland, Parkinson, Raphael, North Carolina, 63 degrees. 63 degrees.

1:30:33 Drew You do it or your girlfriend?

1:30:39 Caller With traffic. Traffic, Drew. Traffic. Slow and go in lanes. Slow and go in the 91. The 91. Slow and go. Slow and go. Slow and go. 63 degrees. 63 degrees. We gotta go. We gotta go. We gotta break away. We gotta break away from traffic. We gotta break away from traffic. Drew breaking away from traffic. It's 63 degrees on the 63 freeway. They're slow and go in the lanes. Dark Oak checking in at 63. Sun Valley 63. San Gabriel 63. Highland Park, again 62. No, up to 63 now. It's Sino 63. Van Nuys, Sarzana, both coming in at 63 degrees. You may wanna take a sweater. You may not wanna take a sweater. It's 63. Nobody knows. 101 Freeway, slow in lines, slow in lines, slow in lines, slow in lines. It's 750. That's 10 minutes to the top of the hour. 10 minutes, 10 minutes. Let's go to the phone. 63 degrees in Norco. 63. Gonna break away for traffic and weather soon. Traffic and weather. And news, and news. Wait a minute. This just in off the ticker. 63 degrees in Norco. 63 and on the 91 freeway. Spilled a load of insulation. Slow in lanes. Look out for brake lights. Back to the phones, Drew. Back to the phones, Nick. Nick, at 13, it's 63 degrees in Van Nuys. It's 63 in Norco. It's 63 everywhere. Hold on, Nick. We gotta get some weather. We gotta get weather and traffic. Weather and traffic, Brian. 101. Go ahead and look out for lanes. Slow in lanes. Look out for brake lights, Drew. 63 degrees in Norco. Let's talk to Craig. 91 out in Irwindale. Look out for spill-load insulation.

1:32:25 Caller It is not part of the LAUSD.

1:32:27 Caller Baldwin Park's coming in at 63 degrees. Irwindale's coming in at chilly 63. What's up, Craig?

1:32:37 Adam Baldwin Park is not in the LAUSD.

1:32:40 Caller 63 degrees. It's not, yeah, I stand, Craig, but it's still 63 degrees over there in Baldwin Park.

1:32:46 Adam Does the 91 run out there? There's a spill of- The 60.

1:32:50 Caller The 60 run out that way?

1:32:51 Adam 605.

1:32:52 Caller Slow and go. Let me check it. 605. Look out for brake lights on the 605. Slow and go on the 605. The fast light. Sick alert, sick alert. Slow and go, slow and go, 605. Look out for brake lights, all right?

1:33:04 Bob Guiney What about the 10 inbound?

1:33:05 Caller I need to know about the-

1:33:06 Adam 63 degrees, 63 degrees.

1:33:08 Drew 10 inbound to the four level.

1:33:09 Caller 10 inbound to the four level. Look out for brake lights, slow and go. 63 degrees on the track. 63 degrees on the freeway. What time is it? I'll tell you what time it is. It's 7.55 in the a.m. How long is that for, mate? Five goddamn minutes, you effing retards. And it's 63 degrees. 63 degrees wherever you are. Slow and go, look out for brake lights. All right, we've done an entire show. You see that, Drew? We've completed an entire segment and all we've talked about was the traffic and the weather. That's it, we've done it. Took half a call, it was great, huge, huge, huge.

1:33:45 Drew It's a master's class in radio broadcasting.

1:33:47 Caller Huge, everyone knows what temperature it is outside. We've done our work. People can leave the house now knowing what the temperature will be and also knowing that on the commute, the same one they take every goddamn morning to their hellish jobs that they're going to encounter some bike lights. Slow and go, slow and go, slow and go, slow and go. We'll be back.

1:34:10 Caller Here it is, bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:34:13 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline, call the Dateline, call the Dateline.

1:34:18 Bob Guiney 1-877-889-DATE.

1:34:25 Caller So get your problems ready, ready.

1:34:53 Adam Well, that's the show, y'all. Bill Bellamy, yes? Tomorrow.

1:34:58 Drew Really? Oh, nice.

1:35:00 Adam Always good to see Bill Bellamy in here, and we'll talk to him tomorrow night.

1:35:06 Drew You've calmed her down.

1:35:09 Adam I got the... I had to get the weather out. Because people don't know whether to walk out just completely nude, packed in dried ice, or covered in foil. They don't know. How would you know? How would you know?

1:35:23 Drew And the time.

1:35:24 Adam And you wouldn't know what time it is unless they started doing home clocks, but I don't believe the government will issue clocks to anybody except for radio stations. So you don't know about that. You couldn't possibly make one small enough to wear on your goddamn wrist. Couldn't do that. Or built in your stove. Impossible. They say there's one that they're working on that may even go in your bedroom and wake you with the tone. That's... I've said too much. I've said too much. I've said too much. Your kids will be able to enjoy that. Or maybe they're kids. All right. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Take a picture.

1:35:56 Caller Come on, put your hat. Take your hat off.

1:35:57 Adam Come on, get a picture. Get a picture of me.

1:36:05 Bob Guiney This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Monday, September 29, 2003