Episode 1000571359837

0:55 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

0:58 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:06 Drew I'm not hearing Adam, but I'm hearing myself.

1:07 I'm hearing me. There you go.

1:08 Voiceover Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Sara Rue is our guest tonight from Less Than Perfect, ABC, Tuesday nights, 9.30. Second successful season. What's happening?

1:23 Sara Rue Not much. I'd like to give a shout out to all my Less Than Perfect crew. Hi guys. They're all listening. They're all really excited that I'm on.

1:29 Adam Andy, Dick was on here last week, I believe representing the Less Than Perfect crew.

1:35 Sara Rue Yeah. He's a good representation. Really? No. That's a lie.

1:41 Adam I'm amazed. Andy is a wildly effed up guy who's also wildly lovable at the same time.

1:50 Sara Rue And loving. You have to give him credit. He's really sweet.

1:52 Adam And loving and takes abuse better than anyone I know, and dishes it out only to his own band, really.

2:00 Sara Rue Or his assistants.

2:01 Adam And his assistants. But is a talented guy and I believe that's the reason he continues to work.

2:08 Sara Rue Absolutely. He's so talented. You can give him any line and he makes it funny. It's pretty amazing.

2:13 Adam He was in here just last week. He speaks highly of you, by the way.

2:17 Sara Rue Oh, that's nice. I'm glad. Well, he knew I was coming in and that I'd kick his ass if he said anything.

2:22 Adam And you know, by the way, who was molested as well. Yes.

2:26 Yes.

2:27 Adam But not by the same neighbor.

2:28 By Dr. Drew.

2:31 Adam See, he made that line funny.

2:33 Drew Oh, so Adam's platitudes funny. That's right.

2:37 Adam So before we get into a Sara Rue, I want to say I've been talking about this for a long time, which is my invention for a automobile is called the seat gutter, which is I've realized and what spawns a conversation is I lost my ID tag, which I set. I use my passenger seat as a sort of a desk blotter. Well, it's not a briefcase because I don't put stuff in it. I put stuff on it. Yeah, it's really what a counter would be on a ship. But then you hit rough waters and the stuff starts sliding all over the place and inevitably slides to the door side, then slides down and finds its way in between the sort of mechanical mechanisms and the door and all that kind of stuff. And you're not sure if it's in there, number one. And then number two, if it is, you can't really get to it because you drag your hand along the rails of the seat and there's all motors and devices and everything. My plan for the seat gutter system is everything that falls into that no man's land, that crevice in between the door or the stick shift in the seat edge, ends up in a hopper in the trunk.

3:43 Drew Oh, all the way back.

3:44 Adam Cell phones.

3:45 Drew So we can like magnetize it.

3:47 Adam It's a gutter system, Drew.

3:49 Drew It's like the Roman aqueduct.

3:51 Adam That's right. It ends up and then all that stuff doesn't matter what happened. I mean, IDs and jewelry, cell phones, garage clickers, it all just...

4:00 Sara Rue You just go to the trunk and get it.

4:01 Adam And here's the thing, if it's not in a hopper, it's not in a car. That's what I'm saying. That's my thing because there's always that little bit of doubt. Maybe it's wedged under there. I can't quite tell. I'm going to feel around. I don't feel anything. On the other hand, I'm feeling for something the size of a credit card. So maybe I'm not going to find it. And this ends down. And which is fine. Like, OK, it's not in the hopper. It's time to head into the house and start looking. With the car, it's always... There's always the possibility that maybe under the floor mat or something. So that's my plan. And wait till I show you what I did with my cell phone tonight, by the way. This is a whole other thing is I want to get into telling people how to live their life and what to do.

4:42 Drew You want to get into that?

4:43 Adam And eventually, they're all going to wear great jumpsuits and I'm going to have this walk I have.

4:47 Drew A red star in their belly.

4:49 Adam Anyway, I'll show it to you later.

4:50 Drew So look at the coastal wine that Sara brought you.

4:53 Adam Yes.

4:53 Drew It's the Russia Shawna. You knew of your temple yesterday, of course.

4:56 Adam Of course.

4:57 Sara Rue You had your services. You did really well.

4:58 Adam Well, everyone assumes I'm Jewish. I'll tell you what leads... I think I'll tell you why people think I'm Jewish. The sense of humor, the nappy hair, the big eyebrows.

5:09 Drew The oy vey all the time.

5:11 Adam Knowing about the Jewish culture.

5:12 Drew No, no, but you're kind of...

5:13 Adam Being a little bit hairy.

5:14 Drew A little whiny.

5:15 Adam And being a little whiny, a lot whiny and a little bit goofy. Just a little bit. Right. Just a little bit goofy. I recognize that I'm perceived as a little bit goofy. Slightly goofy. I'm not a goofy guy at all. I'm un-goofy. In my spare time, I box and build houses. Like, the opposite of goofy, but-

5:33 Sara Rue So, that's like, that's manly.

5:35 Adam Manly, but everyone's always like, you're a little goofy, aren't you?

5:37 Sara Rue Well, I actually didn't assume you were Jewish. It was more like, if you ever wanted to try Judaism, I was thinking this would be a good way in. Like, it's an ease yourself in with the coaster ride.

5:46 Drew You know, with this guy, Adam, or Sleeping Pill is perfect. You can get a lead in anything with that.

5:49 Sara Rue Good to know.

5:50 Drew That's great.

5:50 Adam I'll drink this tonight. Now, what's the difference? This is a nice Herzog Merlot we're going to drink. I'm going to drink tonight, but I've had Manna Shevitz. I don't like it.

6:00 Sara Rue That's not good.

6:01 Adam It's too sweet.

6:02 Sara Rue No, no one likes Manna Shevitz. There's not a Jew in the world who enjoys Manna Shevitz. Let me tell you.

6:07 Adam It's the Boone's Farm of Jew wine.

6:09 Sara Rue Yes.

6:10 Adam It says right on the label.

6:13 Sara Rue It is the Strawberry Hill of Judaism.

6:15 Adam It's like, drink up teen Jews, right? It's good. It's sort of sweet. You could drink Manna Shevitz as a 13-year-old. It goes down easily.

6:23 Sara Rue Do you think all the Hasids on the Brea carry their Manna Shevitz like in a paper bag? They drink it out of that? That's how they get their kicks?

6:29 Adam Yeah, the millions and millions of homeless Jews we have out here in Los Angeles. It's a big problem.

6:35 Sara Rue It really is.

6:36 Adam You can barely back out of the driveway without clipping a few. Jews are all... No, we can't judge, though. All cultures are the same. The Jews are just as homeless as any other culture. We cannot judge. No. All right. So, Sara, now what... I guess you're the kind of person that people root for. Yeah. I know it sounds... Well, it sounds good and bad, but what I'm saying is...

6:55 Sara Rue See, you know what's interesting is you've said you're not goofy and everyone thinks you're goofy. I am not an underdog.

7:00 Adam Yeah. I think... But...

7:02 Sara Rue But you think I am.

7:03 Adam Well, here's the thing. It's like my goofball label. You have no vote in what you're labeled by society.

7:10 Sara Rue Which is fine, because I'm...

7:11 Adam We're calling me a goofball. We're calling you an underdog. You may not feel like that. I may not feel like that, but that's what we are, because that's what society is labeled as.

7:19 Sara Rue Well, it's better to come in second but have everybody rooting for you. So I'll take that label. That's okay.

7:24 Adam Right. So your background is theater, film, but more theater?

7:30 Sara Rue No, actually more film and television. I started when I was nine and kind of fell into it. My mom was an actress. My dad was a stage manager. I met an agent at a party in New York who thought I was kind of funny looking and sent me on one audition and I got it.

7:44 Adam What was it?

7:45 Sara Rue It was a movie called Rocket Gibraltar. Burt Lancaster played my grandfather and Kevin Spacey played my father.

7:52 Adam Oh yeah.

7:53 Sara Rue It's a good kid's movie. We give our grandfather a Viking funeral.

7:56 Adam Yeah. What year was that?

7:58 Sara Rue That was 1987. And I got a check the other day, a residual check, for 67 cents.

8:04 Adam Oh my God.

8:04 Sara Rue It was amazing. I'm going to frame it.

8:07 Adam They really don't have to send. I think they send those 67 cent ones out and then they keep the $10,000 ones. But we think, hey, if these guys are sending out checks for 67, they must be thorough and honest. As long as you're getting those checks for 11 cents, 18 cents, $1.22, you'll never check up on that person. Meanwhile, they're just hoarding the $8,000 ones and it really, it's such a bizarre science because I'm sure I talked to a friend of mine the other day, I got like $8,500 in the mail and had been getting residuals for like $14, $26. All of a sudden it's like $8,000 and he has no idea. It's not a mistake. That's just how it works.

8:47 Sara Rue Yeah. You don't know what it's for or when it's coming. It's a nice surprise when it's more than $0.67.

8:52 Drew That was Bobcat for some police academy.

8:55 Adam No, it wasn't. No. It was a friend of mine who wrote the Facts of Life TV movie.

9:04 Sara Rue Wow.

9:05 Adam Yeah. Adriana?

9:07 Uh-huh.

9:07 Adam You're 21? What's up?

9:13 Caller I just got married last week and whenever my husband and I have sex, I tend to urinate a little bit when I come and it's really bothering me. It doesn't bother him. He doesn't really care but it really bothers me and it's got to the point where I don't even want to have sex anymore.

9:34 Drew Why does it trouble you? I'm sorry? Why is it so disturbing to you?

9:38 Caller Just because it's gross. Actually, I had a baby nine months ago and this is the first time I've had sex since then so I think that probably has something to do with it but still it's really a big huge hang up to me.

9:54 Adam Is this intercourse or oral sex?

10:00 Caller It's with intercourse. He likes to go down on me but I won't let him because I don't want to pee in his mouth anything.

10:10 Adam Do you have any other problems other than this? Look, Drew always tries to pass that stuff off with like, oh, you know, it's natural, you shouldn't be ashamed of anything.

10:19 Drew No, not only that, I think guys like it.

10:20 Adam Well, I think they like it.

10:23 Drew They like seeing some evidence of what they've accomplished.

10:26 Adam Yeah, but let me say this. It's like I like a nice malt but if I had to drink one every morning after a while, I'd want a cup of coffee. You know what I'm saying? So urine in the mouth would be good for the first fifteen hundred, maybe two thousand times.

10:40 Drew Between you and coffee.

10:41 Adam Yeah, but I think, I mean, and it's nice to have some manifestation of the orgasm, but I think it would get old, but you're not, you're not peeing in his mouth, you're whizzing on him, right?

10:56 Caller No, at least just like a little bit, it's not like...

10:59 Drew Yeah, listen, you're troubled by that. It doesn't bother him, but I guarantee you what does bother him is you're not having sex with him. That will bother him a great, great deal.

11:08 Caller We are definitely having sex. That's actually another question I had, because we're like having sex three to four times a day. And I'm kind of wondering if that's a little much.

11:20 Sara Rue Well, they've only been married a week.

11:21 Drew Yeah, but is it your child with him?

11:25 Caller It's my child, it's not his.

11:26 Drew How long have you known him?

11:30 Caller Actually, I called in about a month ago about the guy I met on the Internet and we ended up getting married.

11:36 Adam Within a month?

11:38 Caller We've known each other four months.

11:41 Adam What did we tell you? We told you probably not to marry the guy, right?

11:44 Caller You told me to wait till the first of the year to even get engaged, but we couldn't wait.

11:51 Adam Thanks for heeding that advice.

11:52 Drew Now you're peeing on the floor.

11:53 Nobody listens to us.

11:56 Caller I'm the one that named my child after you, Dr. Drew.

11:59 Drew Oh, that's right.

12:02 Adam I'm still kind of on the fence. What's the child's name, Drew?

12:07 Caller It's Andrew.

12:10 Caller Andrew.

12:10 Adam You shouldn't get it quite right. This is not Drew.

12:12 Caller See, I didn't know when I named him that.

12:15 Drew Don't tell him that.

12:17 Adam Drew's not short for Andrew.

12:19 Drew It sometimes is.

12:21 Adam Really? I thought Andy's short for Andrew.

12:23 Drew Usually Andy.

12:24 Adam Usually. All right. Look. Start listening to us, would you? Okay. Have sex as much as you're comfortable having sex. Don't get pregnant again.

12:34 Caller No, no, no.

12:36 Drew How are you avoiding that?

12:38 Caller I'm going to be on the pill. I have an appointment with Planned Parenthood this month.

12:44 Adam This month. You'll have sex 183 times before now in that appointment.

12:48 Drew Are you breastfeeding?

12:49 Caller Yes, I am.

12:50 Drew Well, that will decrease the risk of pregnancy anyway.

12:53 Adam And look, I think everybody should be as freaked out about their stuff as someone is freaked out by their stuff.

13:00 Drew Right. But women, very much, it's all about them. I don't feel sexy. I wear, you know, fistfuls of chiffon because it makes me feel good. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's a woman's thing. I'm fat, therefore we can't have sex.

13:13 Adam Right. Right. Meanwhile, the guy doesn't care.

13:15 Drew The guy or not doesn't care.

13:17 Adam Or maybe into it.

13:17 Drew He's fine. He's great.

13:19 Adam Yeah. That is, and I don't know. Do women feel it?

13:22 Drew Guys don't do that.

13:23 Adam Do we make women feel that way? Did society force women into feeling that way?

13:28 Sara Rue Well, of course.

13:28 Caller I mean, that can be.

13:30 Sara Rue Of course you open any magazine.

13:32 Drew Yeah, but your partner is completely, not just okay, but into you, however you are.

13:37 Sara Rue Well, hopefully.

13:38 Drew But if you, if it's not up to your standard, then you shut him out.

13:42 Sara Rue Oh, I think that's sexist. I think you can't make a generalization like that.

13:45 Drew That happens a lot.

13:46 Sara Rue Really?

13:46 Drew Guys never do that.

13:49 Sara Rue Oh, but guys, it's all about penis size and that thing, and women don't have that to worry about. So this is the equivalent to that, don't you think?

13:55 Drew Interesting point.

13:56 Adam Yeah.

13:56 Sara Rue Like men are always worried they're too small, too big.

13:58 Drew But those guys, yes.

13:59 Well, rarely on the tour.

14:01 Adam No, actually, we get more... I was going to say something, and then I thought it would sound too defensive if I...

14:08 What about too big?

14:10 Adam But listen, yeah, I don't think, I don't know, I think there's a handful of guys, here's what I think. I think the penis size thing is kind of like airport security, which is there's a handful of jackasses that are going to ruin it for everybody, but the majority of people who are getting on planes aren't intending to blow them up. But one out every million may be thinking about it, and therefore we're all screwed. This is the thing with the guys and the penises. Most guys I know not obsessed with penis size, rarely discussed unless it's in a choking fashion. There's the 1% that seem preoccupied and obsessed with their penis size, and then they sort of taint, they crap in the pool, now we all got to get out of the pool.

14:52 Drew But also that 1%, again, not being sexist, we can say something specific about that 1% terribly preoccupied with very low self-esteem. The penis becomes a symbol of their esteem, and they preoccupy about it as opposed to worrying about building their esteem by more appropriate means.

15:08 Sara Rue Well, I think that she should embrace the peeing. You know what I mean? Right? Don't you think?

15:13 Drew Yes, absolutely.

15:13 Adam Embrace it.

15:14 Sara Rue Embrace it, yeah.

15:15 Adam Joe?

15:17 Yeah.

15:18 Adam Joe, you're 19.

15:19 Caller Yeah.

15:20 Adam What's up?

15:22 Caller Whenever I was younger, I was molested by my grandpa.

15:26 Drew But only when you were younger. When you were younger.

15:29 Caller Well, it lasted up until I was about 8 years old with my grandpa. And whenever I was about 7, it started.

15:41 Drew Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Well, I'm already confused. You had an uncle? And how old were you when the uncle did his thing?

15:49 Caller He started in and his husband, he's gay.

15:55 Drew And how old were you when that all started?

15:57 Caller About 7.

15:59 Drew And then you said your grandfather also did something to you?

16:02 Caller Do what?

16:03 Drew Did he not say that your grandfather also did something to you?

16:06 Adam I think he started by saying his grandfather.

16:08 Drew Yeah.

16:08 Caller My grandfather started.

16:10 Adam Right.

16:11 Caller And, I mean that, he probably started with me about, whenever I was about 3.

16:17 Drew Whenever.

16:18 Caller Right.

16:19 Caller And stopped probably whenever I was about 8. Whatever.

16:24 Caller Right.

16:25 Caller And my uncle and his husband started whenever I was about 7.

16:31 Drew Remember, this uncle also had that same father to work on him.

16:36 Caller Right.

16:38 Caller And, they thought.

16:39 Adam Well, whenever he was 3 or 4, he probably got molested.

16:43 Drew By his father, probably.

16:44 Caller Right.

16:45 Adam Whenever his father was in his 40s. Alright, so anyway, Joe, that's horrible.

16:51 Caller Well, I'm feeling, or I've come to realize that I'm bisexual. I realized that probably whenever I was about 14 or 15.

17:00 Drew Come here and give me a hug.

17:02 Caller So, I'm wondering, is that because I was molested or would I be feeling this way if I wasn't molested?

17:12 Drew Probably not. Probably not. We deal with this all the time.

17:16 Adam But it's academic.

17:17 Drew Yeah, it is what it is. It's not something, it's a wiring, it's a mechanism that gets put in place and it really can't be undone. At least, I'm not aware of anyone that routinely can do that.

17:30 Adam Yeah, again, the only recognized method for getting rid of homosexuality or bisexuality is that Bible, where you put the penis in the Bible, slam it shut. Like on set, Sara, when you guys are slating a scene. It's that same thing.

17:48 Drew We now could just refer them to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and that might traumatize them.

17:52 Adam All right, so I don't know if Joe's line got screwed up or whatever, but Joe needs therapy.

17:59 Drew Yeah, the bigger thing, Joe, is the horrible trauma that you went through, the disturbed family system that you came from, starting back with grandpa. And what your sexual identity is, is far, far less of an issue. What more needs to be dealt with is unraveling the residual effects of that traumatic experience. And therapy will do that, teach you to sort of growth in spite of all that. You may end up gay, you may end up straight, whatever, but don't worry about that. That's the least of the issues that needs to be sorted out.

18:27 Adam Here's my plan when I'm in charge, Sara. Yeah. I build a time machine. And I go back in time and I destroy certain generations. I take them down. I wipe them. I wipe them out. Like, you know, when there's mad cow disease, they have to go, they have to just, they have to take a herd and they just have to take, and they have to incinerate it. That's what we would do to Joe's family. And Joe would never know it because he'd never be born. We'd have to go back and take his grandfather out. That's what I would do. I would be, I would, I would go back in time and take out families that, see, because the grandfather has the kid, he molested, he has Joe, Joe gets molested, everything gets spread out and becomes this upside down pyramid of, of S, starting with the grandpa and just, or maybe before the grandpa, I'm sure. That's why I have a dial. That's why I have a dial. I set it to different dates. Ah.

19:22 Drew And check it out.

19:23 Adam I always like that part on the time machine where they actually have to just set it January 19. If you did have a time machine, would you physically have a calendar on it? They would just click it. 1949. January. Click, click, click. Like, it, really, it would just, it would just be, be like a chronograph. It would just click, click, it'd snap it into place and that's how it would know where to go. It seemed like it'd be more involved than that.

19:47 Drew Seems like it.

19:48 Adam It's just me.

19:49 Sara Rue Maybe more high tech.

19:50 Drew Yeah.

19:51 Sara Rue He needs to, he needs to tell his, his mom or whoever. Do you think, like, maybe have a talk with the rest of his family about this?

19:58 Adam But imagine.

19:59 Drew Yeah, the depth of the pathology there.

20:01 Adam What that family is like.

20:03 Drew He needs to get a, a ombudsman, he needs somebody to represent him by helping him out there.

20:08 Adam And, and though.

20:09 Sara Rue Hang in there, Joe.

20:10 Adam Don't crank out any kids and don't screw with anybody yourself.

20:13 Sara Rue Right. Fix yourself first.

20:15 Drew It's one of those I wrote in my book. I wrote about trauma survivors and I deal with them all the time. And if you're interested in sort of the spectrum of what can happen and what you could go through in treatment and what needs to be done for you, then my book Cracked gets into all that. So.

20:26 Adam Sara Rue in Studio Tonight. Thank you, by the way.

20:29 Drew I wish, I wish that were the case. You're nice.

20:33 Adam I, I realize, I went out to dinner last night with my lovely wife to a nice restaurant and there was a guy sitting in a booth next to us. And I really, I put my finger on what it takes to be a blowhard. Like, I've always thought about the criteria for blowhard, you know? And I thought, it's hard to be, for instance, blowhards are white guys, for the most part. It's good to be a white guy to be a blowhard. It's hard to be like a skinny black guy and be a blowhard. You're a trash talker, you may be other things, but you're not a blowhard, you know?

21:07 Drew You expect bloated and plethora.

21:08 Adam Yeah, blowhard, you gotta have a gut. You gotta have a gut on you. You have to be, now, and here's the other thing too. You can't be an 80-year-old blowhard.

21:17 Drew 40.

21:17 Adam You got, no, well there's a range.

21:19 Drew 40 to 60.

21:20 Adam Yeah, yeah. Prime is probably 53.

21:22 Drew Best? Yeah.

21:23 Adam Prime. And you can bring, you can get into the 60s, early 60s blowhardness.

21:29 Drew I think sleep apnea is a requisite.

21:31 Adam You gotta snore, you gotta, yeah, you gotta have some jowls.

21:35 Sara Rue I would think sweating would be.

21:37 Adam Sweat's good. But it's not all just about being heavy set or thick jowled or anything. You have to, you have to speak with authority on almost every topic, even if you don't, and say nothing. And here's, and here's something that I was missing, that I'd always missed. We always knew you had to be heavy. You had to be white. You had to, you had to have a thinning hair and attempt to do something weird with it, like diet or comb it over or something. In the mid 50s and say nothing about everything constantly. But the repetition, that's the part I was missing out on. There was a guy who was in the physical bill, it fit, he fit it like a tee. Just what we're talking about. Sitting right behind me, my wife, and he was, he had a few cocktails, he was speaking very loudly.

22:23 Sara Rue Was he with a woman or was he with another guy?

22:24 Adam He was with his son who he was trying to reconcile with evidently. And obviously not the world's greatest dad. But part of the blowhard thing is explaining to people, even your own son who knows what a heinous individual you are, why you're not that person. You know, your whole life becomes convincing people you're some, you're somebody which is great at a party. You know what I mean? They may think you invented the rotisserie. They may think that you're in Vietnam, but you can't really pull that crap off with your own wife or your son or whatever who know what a prick you are, you know? But this guy, so, but here's the thing. He said, his statement, he said, he said, I love you, so I'm, so I leave you or something. It was some statement like that, but he said it 28 times. And that's what makes him the pure blowhard that he was, you know, he kept, I asked him.

23:21 Drew It's going out. They won't let anything in.

23:23 Adam And repetition of the same thing, right? He kept saying each time he said it, he said it as if he'd said it for the first time and it was sort of a Eureka like discovery. I started, I started telling the number of times he was doing it.

23:35 Drew Must have been a nice date for his wife. He was like, 29, 30, 30. Oh my God.

23:42 Adam I became completely obsessed and realized and in all you, and we got some young people that are listening to the show that want to be blowhards. You got.

23:51 Drew How did my mention in my book crack?

23:53 Adam I just thought of Drew blowing hard.

23:57 Drew Come on.

23:59 Adam No, I just, I don't know. You're a white guy. You're not heavy set, but you're getting to the right age to blowhard them. Everyone listen to me. Everyone listen to me. I ironically, ironically blowhard about blowhards. Sara Rue, someone who does not blowhard and really has no, no danger of becoming a blowhard. I hope not. Females, females can't. Really? No. They can be like Yenta's, they can be Gabby, they can be pains in the ass. They can be, they can be everything, but they can't really technically be blowhards.

24:27 Sara Rue Okay.

24:27 Adam Well, that's good to know. Testicular cancer.

24:30 Sara Rue Right.

24:30 Adam You can't be a blowhard.

24:31 Sara Rue Right. Oh, good. I'm glad. I'm going to cross that off my worry list.

24:35 Adam I'm going to carb up, put some weight on, see if I can make my blowhard status by the end of the show. Sara Rue here, Less Than Perfect, name of the show. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

24:51 As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it. To find a testing location near you, call toll free, 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

25:15 Adam Hey, buddy. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Sara Rue is our guest tonight from Less Than Perfect. Tuesday nights, 9.30, ABC. And tomorrow night, someone else from ABC, Bob Guinea, The Bachelor, is going to be here.

25:33 Sara Rue You'll like him.

25:33 Adam Yeah, seems like a good guy.

25:35 Sara Rue Yeah.

25:35 Adam No, no. Not great?

25:38 Sara Rue No, no. He's very nice. He's lovely. He's lovely. We met in New York this year for the ABC Upfronts. ABC has all these parties, and they sort of invite everybody, and I hung out with a lot of the Bachelor crew. So yeah, he's an interesting guy. You'll like him.

25:51 Adam Well, he's coming in here tomorrow night, and it's back to the phones. We go, we're going to speak.

25:58 Drew You'll like this. Look at this.

25:59 Adam Drew got a little pinchy. He's got blood blister on the end of his finger. That's not a blood blister?

26:04 Drew This was a crack pipe. Yeah.

26:07 Adam That's what happens.

26:07 Drew This was that planter's word I got from massaging my wife's feet. Remember I was complaining about that?

26:13 Adam No, but Drew, talk about the pee whippin.

26:15 Drew Good husband.

26:16 Adam Oh my God.

26:17 Drew Chris, shut up. Look, Chris, I'm gonna totally crack it out with you.

26:20 Adam Pee whip. Pee whippy, that's your rap name.

26:23 Drew Gave myself a shot.

26:25 Adam All right, so hold on. You got a wart from massaging your wife's feet. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.

26:30 Drew Gave myself a shot and burned it off.

26:32 Adam Gave yourself, oh, what'd you give yourself a shot of?

26:34 Drew Xylicane.

26:35 Adam And it burned off.

26:35 Drew That was a pretty weird experience.

26:37 Adam Using a cigarette?

26:37 Drew No, I've got a thing in my office I can use.

26:40 Adam You use?

26:40 Drew Electric?

26:41 Adam Electric? Nice.

26:42 Drew But how about giving yourself a shot? I thought you liked that.

26:45 Adam Yeah, I like that. But you're talking to the guy who lanced his own boil.

26:50 Drew Yes. I'm impressed, Sara, with that.

26:54 Adam Yeah, I had a car-buncle on my ass once when I was 19 and lanced it myself, you know?

27:01 Caller You know what that is.

27:02 Adam It's one of those things that sounds like what it is.

27:05 Drew It's about three o'clock on the anal clock, you know what I'm saying?

27:10 Adam Yeah, it was up in there, but not on there.

27:12 Drew And it's a giant, large abscess.

27:14 Sara Rue Like really, like sort of right on the...

27:16 Drew Right on the end of the head. Yeah, and sometimes they're actually fistulas and things. It might have been.

27:20 Adam No, no. But who knows?

27:24 Drew And when they, big.

27:26 Sara Rue Yucky.

27:27 Adam Yeah, well.

27:28 Sara Rue I'm sorry, but ew.

27:29 Adam Yeah, but what am I supposed to do?

27:31 Sara Rue Go to a doctor.

27:32 Adam I didn't have a doctor until I was 31.

27:36 Sara Rue Go to an emergency room.

27:37 Drew Well, describe what you did do.

27:39 Adam Yeah, tell me. But let me tell you this. Let me tell you this. All these holier-than-the-hours who say, oh, go see your physician.

27:45 Drew Well.

27:45 Adam If you don't have insurance, you gotta go to County USC. And I don't know how other cities compare to LA, but I'm starting to realize that LA's seems near the bottom for just about everything. It's just that dirty and the lines are long. And I have gone to County USC on occasion. And it's just, you go there and you sit there for seven and a half hours while hobos vomit in their pants right next to you. And everybody, everyone gets seen before you do because you maybe broke your ankle. Maybe you got a pomegranate on your ass. But these people have hammer chicken stuff. They were like stabbed.

28:23 Sara Rue I understand, but weren't you worried about infection and that sort of thing when you're not thinking that way?

28:29 Adam But you don't, I mean, you never, you see, now maybe I would. Now even now I wouldn't because I'm over all that.

28:36 Sara Rue No, you'd asked your wife to do it now.

28:38 Adam No, no, I would ask no woman to do this. No, this wasn't easy to get to.

28:43 Sara Rue Okay, can you tell me?

28:45 Adam Well, I had to use a mirror to find it. It wasn't easy. Don't close your eyes, keep your eyes open. If you close them, it's like Freddy Krueger. It's worse if you close your eyes.

28:56 Sara Rue Yeah, I was trying to picture that.

29:00 Adam Keep them wide, wide, wide open.

29:02 Drew You bent over to a mirror, or you put your feet up?

29:05 Adam I think I was on my back. Feet up, yeah.

29:07 Drew Against the, what, the bathroom mirror?

29:10 Adam Handheld mirror.

29:11 Drew My stepmom's handheld. So it's for the bathroom.

29:13 Adam Yeah. I don't exactly remember every detail.

29:16 Drew One hand holds a mirror.

29:18 Adam Right.

29:18 Drew And the other hand holds a...

29:20 Adam Pin.

29:20 Drew Pin.

29:21 Adam Got a lancet.

29:22 Drew Lancet. And what happened?

29:23 Adam Explosion. It was great. I'd given birth, but it was huge. But it was the best day of my life.

29:30 Sara Rue My God. And you felt satisfied afterward.

29:32 Adam Oh my God. It's like, you know, you ever see the movie Tommy? It's like that part, I'm free, and he can see and he can hear again. He's just running on the beach, just throwing his hands up in the air. He's at the amusement park. That's what it was like.

29:46 Drew Spell the name right.

29:47 Adam If anyone has ever seen the movie Tommy, I'll tell you, when Roger Daltrey finally was unburdened of the chains of being deaf, dumb and blind, that's where I was. I've seen people running, they joined me, they were singing too. It was amazing. Running down the street. It was like all Dr. Pepper commercial. It was amazing. It was amazing. Drew, I wish you could have been there, buddy.

30:10 Drew I've read it so many times with you.

30:12 Adam I wish you could have been there.

30:13 Sara Rue I don't, but thank you.

30:15 Adam All right. But it's, you know, I want to share.

30:17 Sara Rue No, but maybe next time you can call.

30:18 Adam It was an important day. It was an important day.

30:21 Sara Rue No. Thanks, Drew, for looking out for me. Drew's like, don't say that.

30:27 Hello?

30:28 Drew Carolyn?

30:29 Adam You're 22?

30:31 Caller What's up? Oh, I was just wondering, I've been on birth control for like two and a half years or so.

30:37 And within the last year, I've noticed my desire to have sex has greatly decreased.

30:43 Drew Decreased?

30:44 Caller And I'm wondering if it has to do with the birth control pill.

30:47 Drew It sure can. Which one are you on?

30:49 Caller Ortho-tarcycline?

30:51 Drew Yeah, that can either, they all can do one or the other and it's extremely unpredictable for which one's going to do what for which women. In fact, usually the triphasic will increase sexual desire, but I've talked to women for whom it has suppressed things. So you may want to go on, you may want me, you know, I don't know where you go from here necessarily that I would stay away from the progesterone basically because I think that is what tends to decrease, more likely to decrease the sexual desire, though some women have an increase.

31:17 Sara Rue What about the patch?

31:18 Drew The patch will be fine, you know, but again that has progesterone in it. You may want to, you may want to start with something just basic like plain old fashioned ortho-novum, something like that.

31:30 And then if, if I, I thought about maybe just using condoms or doing something like that.

31:35 Drew Yeah, sure, sure.

31:36 Caller Is there like more of a chance of getting pregnant like when you're pregnant?

31:40 Drew There is, there is, yeah. I mean the birth control pill is really the most effective thing you can use but you can always keep that morning after pill around that will increase the protection a little bit or you can add a second barrier like a sponge or diaphragm, something like that.

31:52 Adam Yeah. May have good times though, right?

31:53 Drew May have good times, yeah. Yeah. Good times you're thinking about your I'm free.

31:58 Adam Oh man.

31:58 Drew Yeah, good times.

31:59 Adam That was huge. And then it happened once again later in life. Oh. Yeah.

32:03 Drew Good times.

32:04 Adam I was 29 at the time. I never forget the day. Like people say, you remember where you were for the birth of your child or when you asked to marry your wife or JFK got shot or something like that or September 11th. For me, it's the carbuncle on the ass.

32:21 Drew The second one.

32:22 Adam The second one too. I remember, I remember, see here's the problem with the carbuncle on the ass. It is a novelty dagger in your side in the sense that it's just as painful as any horrible, ill-legitimate physical ailment and everyone just laughs their ass off when they hear it. My ass is on fire. I remember telling my boss, I was working as a boxing coach at a gym at the time and I called him. I said, Bruce, I can't, I got this, it's like a carbuncle on it. He's just laughing. Stay home and laughing, hung the phone up. And by the way, if you want to lie, if you want to get out of something, pick something humiliating. It's humiliating, but you'll never be questioned.

33:06 Drew It's entertaining.

33:07 Adam You do that. Like you try to do that.

33:09 Caller Yeah, I'm not feeling so good.

33:11 Adam I think I got a head call. You ever want to go, liar. You do like, I got a festering boil on my rectum. And they're like, okay, all right, stay, hey, take a week off. So anyway, I remember me and Jimmy went out to El Torito and celebrated with Mexican food shortly after it blew.

33:29 Drew The second one.

33:30 Adam Yeah, second one. Yeah. And it's really, it's the most amazing thing because it goes from excruciating and nagging to gone as soon as it gets land. Really?

33:41 Sara Rue There's no, it just explodes.

33:42 Adam No residual.

33:42 Drew Well, it can be.

33:44 Adam You feel good. I'm free.

33:46 Drew Special that way.

33:47 Adam Picture Tommy. All right. Let's talk to Chelsea. Chelsea?

33:52 Yeah.

33:54 Adam You're 15?

33:54 Caller Yeah.

33:55 Adam What's up?

33:57 Caller Well, I don't know how to say it, but I got really drunk one night with a bunch of friends and I think I was seriously taken advantage of.

34:07 Drew Means somebody had sex with you?

34:08 Caller Yeah.

34:10 Drew One person?

34:11 Caller Yeah.

34:13 Drew At least one person. Do you have any recollection of what happened? None. So how do you know? What's the clues? What's the evidence?

34:22 Caller Videos. I guess you could say, like, well, when I got to school on Monday, first of all, I O.D.ed that night and I got put in a psych ward for three days. I got put on a 5150.

34:35 Adam What'd you OD on?

34:38 Caller 5 Vicodin, 15 Motrin, Tequila, Ecstasy and Alcohol.

34:43 Adam What's a 15 Motrin do for you?

34:45 Caller I don't know.

34:47 Drew Whatever. So it was when you were under the influence of all that that you were raped?

34:52 Caller Right.

34:53 Drew Okay. You need to call the doctor back who had you in the hospital and report this.

34:59 Adam What's the videotape part?

35:08 Drew Fantastic. Those guys will all be... Yeah, you can get all of them.

35:13 Adam Via what? The Internet? Sold?

35:18 Drew Well, listen, again, you've got to get the people involved in taking care of you. This is a... You already have enough on your plate dealing with your depression and maybe your substance history. Let's go back to the support you have and talk to them about this and let them guide you through this.

35:34 Caller Will I get in trouble at all for the whole drinking thing, though?

35:37 Adam No.

35:37 Drew They already knew you'd been drinking. Right? You were in the hospital for alcohol drugs. No, no, no.

35:43 Adam No.

35:43 Drew No.

35:43 Adam Because here's the whole thing.

35:45 Sara Rue No, you're the victim. Don't...

35:46 Adam Yeah. Everything... It's like it's... This is all trumped by what these guys did. Your minor offense will be trumped ten times over by the rapist offense.

35:57 Drew Plus, theoretically, you are participating in treatment for what's leading to your substance use and your depression and some of the behavioral problems. If you were rejecting treatment, then yeah, you could get in trouble because they need to find a way to get you to involve yourself in your treatment. If you're sincerely involved in treatment, following directions, then look, you have an illness being taken care of and that's all we can ask for.

36:18 Adam You weren't trying to commit suicide or anything, were you?

36:20 Caller Yeah, that's the thing.

36:21 Adam Oh, you were?

36:22 Caller Like, afterwards, my mom called and she was like, you have to come home and so I did and then I took the motor and a Vicodin when I got home.

36:30 Adam But I called before. Oh, so you weren't on the, you weren't, okay, but you weren't on the Vicodin when these guys raped you.

36:35 Caller No, I was on my, yeah.

36:37 Drew I'll call on XC. First time you tried to commit suicide?

36:40 Caller Yes.

36:42 Drew Really?

36:42 Adam Drew says no. I don't know, is that, hold on, is 15 Motrin an attempt, it doesn't seem like a real attempt to commit suicide.

36:50 Caller I didn't know what would work and what wouldn't. I just had a bottle of it for my headaches.

36:55 Drew You've never impulsively tried to hurt yourself before?

37:00 Adam Whereas Chelsea's never tried to attempt suicide before. Drew's been wrong multiple, multiple times. So who are we going to believe here? Now quiet down. Chelsea. Yeah. You got to get some help. Okay. You can have a good life. It's not that big a deal. You know? I mean, it doesn't even take that much work. It's just like you don't just stop trying to stick yourself. You know what I mean? I mean, just don't burn so many calories effing up your life and you'll have a pretty good life just by virtue of the fact that your life's not effed up through your own hands.

37:33 Drew She has to be a trauma survivor, though. All right.

37:35 Adam Any, any, wait, were you any sexual abuse or physical abuse growing up?

37:41 Caller No, not at all.

37:43 Adam Not at all?

37:44 Caller No.

37:44 Adam What went wrong?

37:45 Caller My parents don't even know that I might have been raped, I guess you could say.

37:49 Adam But what's, what's up? Eating disorder?

37:52 Caller Yeah.

37:53 Drew Do you have an eating disorder?

37:54 Caller I don't eat.

37:55 Adam Dr. Drew, 0 for 1, Ace Corolla with the carbuncle, 1 and 0.

37:58 Drew But there's something really big, much bigger going on.

38:00 Adam All right, so Chelsea. Listen, throw yourself on the mercy of everyone who knows, everyone who's older than you, who's not trying to have sex with you. You know what I mean? Therapists, doctors, all that stuff, your parents. Okay, you have perfectionist parents? Yeah. I know what it's like to live under that pressure. It's tough, Drew, you don't know what it's like. The Corollas, you know how they are.

38:25 Drew Those are perfectionists.

38:25 Adam You've met my parents.

38:26 Drew Yeah, they seem very uptight.

38:28 Adam Yeah, I'm going to ride my motorcycle to go clean some carpet for the rest of my life. All right. Your stepmom like you out of the garage. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough living up to that, you know? Let's have the... Drew, you don't know what it's like. Your dad's a doctor. You don't know what it's like. All right. Sara Rue here, everybody. Yeah, Less Than Perfect coming out. Well, the premiere was last Tuesday. Yeah. And then this Tuesday. But see, that's how it goes. See, let me tell you something, how it works. The premiere, people, they're blowing the dust off. Nothing personal, but takes a while to get back in the swing of things. The second one, that's where they hit their peak. That's their prime. That's really the premiere.

39:12 Drew So this is the one you want to get.

39:13 Adam This is the one you want to get because then it starts dropping off.

39:16 Sara Rue It's a really good episode this week, too. Will Sasso, you know Will Sasso from MADtv? He's joined the cast this year and he's so funny and this episode focuses on him and it's great.

39:24 Adam He's a big, burly, funny guy.

39:26 Sara Rue He is a funny mofo.

39:28 Adam We will take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back.

39:31 Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, on 947-NRK.

39:53 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Bob Guinea, The Bachelor, is in here tomorrow night. Sara Rue is in here tonight from Less Than Perfect, ABC, Tuesday nights, 9.30. And let me show you what I did here, Drew. And I really would like everyone just to sort of take charge of their life.

40:13 Drew All right, got it. Velcro on the little cell phone.

40:17 Adam I'll tell you why.

40:17 Drew With the inbox full, I'll have you note.

40:20 Adam It's only been that way for three months.

40:22 Drew Yeah, there's 487 messages here. Oh, I can't get over that part.

40:28 Adam I don't want people contacting me and leaving messages.

40:31 Drew You glued Velcro onto the back of your cell phone.

40:33 Adam I epoxied it on, yeah.

40:34 Drew Epoxied it on.

40:35 Sara Rue Do you have Velcro in your car?

40:36 Adam No, no, I don't. But let me show you. Like, I'll show you what goes on. I do have cloth seats in some of my cars, and they do grab, it grabs. Here's what's going on. And if anybody manufactures products or we have any ergonomic experts listening, who perhaps in college, here's what I want. We're too slick, we're too sleek, we're too smooth. Now, if you get one of those iPods, one of those iMac, iPod, whatever things, there's not a ridge, there's not a corner on them. Everything is just liquid mercury. Everything is just, look at this phone. It's like they made it in a wind tunnel. Every corner is broken, everything is buffed, everything is polished. Everything is made out of like polished stainless steel and nothing stays anywhere. You put it in your pocket. Now you got a purse, right? See, for guys, this is no good. You put it in your pocket if you're wearing sweatpants or something, you sit in your car, everything pours out onto the seat. The clickers this way, pagers this way, cell phones this way, all sorts of Walkman, any kind of listening devices. Everything is smooth and sleek and nothing has any grab.

41:42 Drew The car seat gutter.

41:43 Adam The seat gutter, but that's going to take longer. That's still in the R&D phase.

41:47 Drew Yes, we need a short-term stopgap measure.

41:49 Adam I have had my cell phone slide out of my sweatpants so many times and kick it onto the pavement, just even just holding it, trying to get a grip on, trying to flip it. It's like landing a fish or a trout or something. Yeah, that pole part where you're reaching for a pen and you're tucking the cell phone beneath your cheek and your shoulder.

42:06 Drew It's like holding a bass there.

42:08 Adam Yeah, it's like trying to talk into a bass's ass while it's slithering around on you. No, this is big. And watch this, Drew. Now, let me watch this.

42:16 Drew I got to try the shoulder thing.

42:17 Adam I'm putting it in my sweatpants now. Now watch, watch, watch. Look, it's grabbed on to the inner pocket. That can't get it off.

42:25 Drew You're going to rip all that apart.

42:26 Adam Wow, look at that. That is huge. That's huge. And Drew, is it? Oh, yeah. You're getting it? Yeah, I got it. There's some grab on there. Now, here's what I'm saying. In the 70s, it was all about non-skid. We're putting those sticky daisies everywhere that had the sand in them, the skateboards. Everything was non-skid. Now, everything is sleek and smooth. I don't like it. I like non-skid. And that's what I'm going to do to my world. Sara, has this inspired you at all?

42:54 Sara Rue This is good radio, man.

42:55 Adam It is? Well, listen, if I can get just one person who's listening to this show to glue some Velcro on the back of their telephone...

43:02 Sara Rue Then you've done something good in the world.

43:05 Adam And I'm not talking about both sides of the Velcro. Just the part, the male part or whatever that is.

43:11 Drew You'd say he's repeated this Velcro story.

43:17 Adam Boring bit. Alright, Drew, here it is. Velcro on the back of the phone. And, by the way, a lot of people with the same model of phones. Which one's my phone? The one with the Velcro on it.

43:29 Sara Rue But then if really everybody follows you, then everyone will be the one with the Velcro on it. So that's a flaw in your plan.

43:35 Adam It's interesting.

43:36 Drew Different colors.

43:36 Adam Color-coded Velcro. Thank you. Let's talk to Jennifer. She's 22. Jennifer?

43:42 Hello?

43:44 Adam What's up?

43:49 When my boyfriend or I have an anal sex, I always feel like I'm going to crap on him. And I was just wondering if I can do anything to stop that urge. Stop the urge? Yeah.

43:59 Drew I'm not sure that's an urge that can be said. Sara's got an idea.

44:08 Sara Rue Yeah, if you stop having anal sex, you probably won't feel like crapping on him anymore.

44:14 Drew Right.

44:16 Adam Jennifer, what do you do for a living?

44:20 I deliver papers.

44:22 Drew Deliver what?

44:23 Deliver newspapers.

44:25 Adam Papers? How does that work?

44:29 Drew Drives around, flip papers around?

44:31 Adam You mean you actually have a paper route?

44:33 Drew Yeah.

44:35 Adam Do you have a mini bike with the two sacks that hang off the bars or what do you do it in? In a car?

44:41 Yeah, I do it in a car. I have like 300 papers a night.

44:45 Adam Oh, that's got to suck. And you got to fold them, right?

44:48 Sara Rue Yeah.

44:48 Adam And you have to put the inserts in them?

44:50 Sara Rue How does she even have time for anal sacks?

44:53 Adam There's always time for anal. I don't know if you've seen that commercial.

44:57 Drew Three-year-old.

44:58 I have one more question. It's a serious question. Can I say it?

45:04 Drew Yeah. We're expecting bogus, but go ahead.

45:08 Okay, I'm pregnant right now.

45:10 Drew And have anal sacks.

45:12 Adam Sure. With all the money pouring in from the paper route, I can see why you'd want to have the family grow just a little bit.

45:18 Drew So go ahead, yeah.

45:21 And I've been cramping really bad, right? Yeah, cramping. So I went to the hospital and they said that there's nothing really wrong, and therefore they think it's moving around. So my question is, how long until it stops doing that?

45:35 Sara Rue How far along are you?

45:36 Drew You want to hope that the child doesn't stop moving around?

45:38 A month and a half. I meant like, cramping.

45:41 Adam Right.

45:42 Drew You're a month and a half pregnant?

45:43 A month and a half.

45:45 Adam They said it was because the child was moving around?

45:47 No, the little sack or whatever is moving around, trying to find a place.

46:00 Drew Were you bleeding?

46:01 Adam No. Is this the same husband of the two children?

46:08 Drew I dare you, Adam. That's a funny question.

46:10 Adam I know it sounds mathematically impossible, but I see three guys in this mix.

46:15 Three.

46:16 Adam Yeah, well, listen, what's wrong with you? You're 22. You have a goddamn paper route. Why are you getting pregnant again?

46:22 Caller They might pay for a route.

46:25 Adam Yeah, it pays good.

46:27 Caller Well, not as good as you guys, but I work 20 hours a week to make about $1,400 a month.

46:32 Adam Holy S. Really? 20 hours a week?

46:36 Caller 20 hours a week.

46:38 Adam Wait, it's a couple of BJs mixed in there, though, right?

46:42 Caller No.

46:42 Drew All right. All right. Yeah, I don't know what they're talking about. The cramping actually is kind of serious if you're having that in the first trimester, especially if you get any bleeding, you go back immediately. I'm a little concerned about what it was they saw there. Don't know exactly what it was. A lot of things can cause cramping in the first trimester, and it's not a good sign.

47:03 Adam All right, we got to take a break. I got something to say about the newspaper routes. Okay. As any could blow hardwood, but I'm fired up about this.

47:11 Drew Also, she needs to do animus before she's with her boyfriend, and I'm not sure that's a great thing to be in when you're pregnant. While you're pregnant.

47:16 Adam All right, Sara Rue in studio tonight. I'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:20 Caller All right, guys.

47:21 Here's the deal.

47:22 Drew Looking to hook up? Call the Dateline.

47:24 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

47:25 Drew Call the Dateline.

47:26 One call is all you need to make.

47:28 Call the Dateline.

47:29 1-877-889.

47:32 Date.

47:33 You know what I'm saying, I'm dead?

47:54 Loveline on ANRK, Camas, Portland. Loveline, ANRK.

48:21 Adam Turn that down. I'm Adam Carolla. That is Dr. Drew. Well, Sara Rue is our guest tonight. She is from Less Than Perfect. Tuesday nights, ABC, 930. Speaking of ABC, Bob Guinea will be in here tomorrow night. He is the new Bachelor, and he'll be here tomorrow night.

48:38 Sara Rue Did you guys watch the first episode of Bachelor?

48:40 Adam No, I saw the last, well, let's see, I saw the Bachelor, and then I think I saw about half of the Bachelorette, and then I saw part of the first episode of the Bachelor, but I get uncomfortable when I have to kick people off.

48:52 Sara Rue Oh, really? That's the good part.

48:54 Adam I know, but it's uncomfortable to me to see these people have to, like...

48:58 Sara Rue Waiting with hope in their hearts.

48:59 Adam Waiting, and...

49:00 Sara Rue Did you see the twins?

49:02 Caller No.

49:02 Sara Rue That's what I, there were twins on this new Bachelor.

49:05 Caller Really?

49:05 Sara Rue Yeah, but they got kicked off. Neither one of them was picked.

49:09 Adam Well, yeah, if you're gonna boot one, you gotta boot the other, or the one you booted would kill herself.

49:12 Sara Rue The whole point is to have like sexy twin action in the jacuzzi, and it's not gonna happen with both of them. I guess it's just not worth it. I really enjoyed the first episode of The Bachelor this year, I have to say.

49:22 Adam It's compelling, but it's just uncomfortable when, especially when they're giving those testimonials, like just before they get booted, where the chick's going like, I love him. I love him, and I know this sounds crazy, and I've only known him for a couple of days now, but I really feel a strong chemistry between us. Yeah, and then it's like, hit the road, hussy.

49:40 Sara Rue But that's so cool.

49:41 Adam Like they're obvious.

49:43 Sara Rue Because they're obviously two things.

49:44 Adam See, women, she's a woman, she likes that. Yeah, but they're your own punnage.

49:48 Sara Rue No, no, no, it's not. I mean, I liked it when the men were also kicked off. Maybe I'm just mean-spirited.

49:53 Drew But it's exploiting and taking advantage of the most sensitive people, the ones who really don't have good boundaries.

49:59 Sara Rue But they put themselves in that position. They apply.

50:00 Drew But they can't help their feelings, though. Their feelings that they've...

50:03 Sara Rue That's fine, but they also know when they signed up to do the show that there was a possibility that they weren't going to be ultimately the one. I don't know, I think it makes for good TV.

50:11 Adam It is, it does make for good TV. But again, it becomes too... It's why I can't watch any of those red carpet interviews in front of the Emmys or the Oscars. It's just so much... It just feels... My skin crawls when I see one, I don't know, someone from Entertainment Tonight talking to one of the gals from Sex and the City about what they've done with their hair. It just, it crawls. It just drips of insincerity. It's so unreal that it's uncomfortable. I have to change it. And this is, I don't know what this is, but it's the same feeling.

50:49 Sara Rue What I find interesting is that you're able to take these calls, and some of them are really sad and really tragic, you know? But you're not able to watch The Bachelor because you feel bad for these women.

50:57 Adam Yes, yes.

50:58 Sara Rue I think it's really interesting.

50:59 Adam It is.

50:59 I think that's something you should examine.

51:01 Adam And why...

51:01 Sara Rue I really do.

51:02 Adam And why I can't watch Bob Gowen kiss Kim Cattrall's ass on the red carpet either. I find that amazingly uncomfortable.

51:11 Sara Rue It's very odd.

51:11 Adam Turn around. But why do you care?

51:15 Sara Rue But that's what I kind of find interesting.

51:16 Drew It's like, how can you sort of disassociate from... We do care. And they're being treated as complete...

51:22 Sara Rue Objects.

51:23 Drew Complete object. No one's caring about them or guiding them or referring them or anything. Just laughing at them and exploiting them and sending them on their way. At least...

51:32 Sara Rue At least you tell them to go get help before you send them.

51:34 Drew We're trying to help them understand what their dad may make fun of them. We're trying to make them understand what makes them do the things they do.

51:39 Adam I'm not saying it makes sense. I'm just telling you, I get massively uncomfortable watching...

51:44 Drew Well, that's... Unreality...

51:46 Adam Bobbkini hand out the flowers. And Pop Cohen hand out the compliments. Yes.

51:50 Drew We're trying to dig past the headline into what's more real even. They don't even know what's real.

51:54 Adam I don't even turn it into something good. I just... I realize this is, you know, making fun of junkies is not uncomfortable for me. I don't know why. Emily? You get sharp cramps?

52:06 Caller Yes, I do.

52:07 Adam That's funny.

52:09 Caller Yeah, it's hysterical, I know.

52:12 Adam I'm not uncomfortable.

52:13 Caller Well, what it is is like, I probably shouldn't even be complaining because I'm lucky enough to have multiple orgasms, but you know, we'll just keep going and going because it's, you know, obviously you're not going to stop. But then afterwards, when I'm trying to go to sleep, it's like, they're so bad.

52:29 Caller I mean, like, I know why I'm cramping and because there's a lot of action happening down there, but I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to.

52:36 Drew Where does the pain go?

52:37 Caller Well, it's like, it's like uterine cramps.

52:39 Caller Like, you know, where all the contractions are.

52:41 Drew Does it radiate, the pain?

52:44 Caller Not really.

52:45 Caller I mean, it's sort of.

52:46 Drew It stays in your abdomen, your pelvis.

52:48 Caller Yeah, yeah, right.

52:49 Drew It doesn't go down your legs or in your.

52:51 Caller No, no, no, no, no.

52:53 Drew And you have no urinary symptoms?

52:56 Caller No, not really. I mean, after a lot of sex, it'll hurt.

52:58 Adam Well, how long you guys humping? How long you guys humping for?

53:02 Caller Um, the longest ever was probably about two hours, I guess.

53:08 Adam I mean, I'm not really looking for your personal best. I'm really just saying in general.

53:13 Caller In general.

53:15 Adam I mean, like, like, is it, is it, is a, like, it's like, like as a doctor, you go, how often do you have a bowel movement? One time in Mexico. It's like, yeah, I know. I'm looking for an average here. I'm not, I'm not a personal best. This, I, I know you're, one time someone slipped, slipped me some roofies and my boyfriend was on Viagra and he banged the bejesus out of me for 14 hours straight. Right, but I'm just looking for, I'm looking for the average here. Emily? Yeah, average.

53:47 Caller Okay, I would say an average of like an hour straight.

53:51 Adam So maybe, maybe I ought to cut, maybe I ought to cut it a little.

53:53 Drew Yeah, that's a little rough.

53:55 Adam Cut it a little bit shorter, would you?

53:56 Drew Keep it down around 20 minutes or so.

53:58 Adam You know what I'm saying? Now here's what I'm saying. In every other facet of life, you know when to stop. Except for sex.

54:09 Drew Yeah.

54:09 Adam Like, you know, when you're playing hoop or you're playing some sports or you're running or you're doing anything that exerts energy, you will stop. You will go, and it's different places for different people, obviously, depending on what kind of shape you're in. But you'll get to a point where you go, well, I need to take a break here.

54:25 Drew Well, forget fatigue. You twist your ankle, pull a muscle, start getting a cramp, you stop. Right. You pull up.

54:30 Adam You get a little stitch in your side.

54:31 Drew You pull up.

54:32 Adam You sit down. You drink some water. Sex, you'll just push on.

54:36 Sara Rue You'll play through the pain.

54:37 Caller Right. Right.

54:39 Adam Yeah, that's right. And so you're doing damage and you don't even really know it because the adrenaline's pumping and the endorphins are flowing and whatever else is going on is going on and you're loaded. Let's face it. I know it's your turn when you're having sex. Let's be honest. All right. I know what I wanted to talk about. The papers when I came back. The papers? We were talking about that chick had that paper route earlier and this is more just blowhard stuff. Yeah, of course. I knew many a kid who had a paper route when I was a kid. In the day. Yeah, back in the day. I never had a paper route. I used to help all of them ironically on their paper routes, but it's a horrible job. You get up at like 4.30 in the morning. You're folding newspapers and putting these inserts in them and then throw them around. And then you got to collect. And the collection part is just, first off, people that get the newspaper are pricks, by and large, old, cheap pricks. It's basically it. It's basically the clientele.

55:35 Drew It's Sara and me.

55:35 Adam You guys get the newspaper?

55:37 Sara Rue Of course.

55:37 Adam Oh, okay.

55:38 Drew Like I said.

55:40 Sara Rue I get the Sunday New York Times and I don't take an everyday paper anymore.

55:43 Adam If you took everyday. You would be horrible. You would be horrible. You would be like Drew. And then what happens is when it comes time to pay, when the poor kid, you got some eleven year old coming around to collect and now we try to chisel them. I didn't get, last Wednesday's got wet because it was in the sprinkler. You know, they try to work them out. You owe $7.14 to the eleven year old who's getting up at 4.30. You're going to try to work him down. Is that a horrible impulse? That sucks. Like, here's the whole thing. I don't mind being cheap. I can't stand it when some waiter at some shishi restaurant thinks he's got more attitude than his clientele and shoots the stink eye and wants his $80 for giving you your soup and it takes him 40 minutes. I don't care about that guy. But the guy's on his knees, who's cleaning your rims at the car wash and here's what I'd like to say. I bet you a lot of people tip really well at a nice restaurant but only give the car wash guy a buck or two when they pick up their $50,000 car. This guy's on his knees all day working for minimum wage out in the hot sun. These guys need the tip. Not the half a fag wannabe actor who's shooting you attitude. The guy with the bangs and the mock turtleneck. Not that guy. Not that guy. All right. Paper boys. Pick the poor people and give them money. Don't give the rich people. Don't give the hot bartender chick who's 23 ton of money, still living at home and has a boyfriend who's sugar-danning her already. She don't need your tip. Give it to the Mexican who's down on his knees cleaning your hubcap. Am I right?

57:23 Sara Rue You are right.

57:24 Adam Thank you.

57:24 Drew Tonight, Adam, you are cracking Chris' ass up like never before. All the references to poo and Mexicans seem to be the thing that really get him.

57:32 Adam Well, we talked while you're on the road. Yeah.

57:35 Drew You mentioned that.

57:36 Adam I said, engineer Chris, what do you want more? What do you think is missing from the show? You're a young man. You're in our demographic. He said, making fun of the Mexicans and championing their cause simultaneously has to be in a witty way and more poo, poo, and fart. He said, poo, poo, poo and poo. That's what he said.

57:56 Drew He seems like the gas humor too.

57:58 Adam I think that falls under the umbrella of poo. So where are we?

58:04 Drew Six.

58:05 Adam Let's talk to...

58:06 Drew Does Sara remind you of any actress from the past?

58:12 Sara Rue Is this going to be insulting?

58:13 Adam No, no. From the 40s or from our show?

58:16 Drew No. 70s, 80s.

58:18 Adam Oh. 70s.

58:20 Drew 70s, 80s. She's younger. Way younger. But just somehow reminds me.

58:24 Adam Right. But does Sara...

58:26 Drew Let it go on. Let it go on. Let's see if it comes here. Yeah.

58:29 Adam Christina, I'm so focused on poo in Mexican shows.

58:32 Drew I know. I can't really... That's why I thought I'd change the topic a little bit.

58:34 Adam But...

58:34 Drew Christina, does anybody say anybody?

58:37 Sara Rue Well, I get people randomly, but I don't see it at all. The only person I've ever gotten is Drew Barrymore. I think that's because we both have a list.

58:44 Adam Well, you guys look a little...

58:47 Sara Rue We get it in the face. Yeah.

58:50 Adam You get that Lucille Ball stuff, the red hair and the sense of humor.

58:53 Drew All right. Christina.

58:57 Adam Now I'm thinking red hair.

58:58 Drew No, not red hair.

59:00 Adam Joanne Worley.

59:01 Drew What's up, Christina?

59:02 Adam You're 18?

59:04 Drew No.

59:06 Sara Rue So I will cry. I will leave and cry.

59:10 Adam Go ahead, Christina.

59:13 Caller I'm 18 and I no longer am turned on by sex in any way.

59:23 Adam You had a pretty good run.

59:24 Sara Rue Yeah, I think that's okay.

59:26 Adam Yeah. You're 18.

59:27 Drew It says here you have a girlfriend. How long have you had a girlfriend for? One of the really interesting little secrets amongst lesbians, and my lesbian friends confirm this, is that it's very frequent for lesbian couples to stop having sex after about six months. That's about when it stopped. That's about when it stopped? And it's not even, it's a, I don't know what it is exactly, it's like you still are intimate, you still love your girlfriend, and you still have sort of a physical intimacy, but sex isn't part of it anymore. Does that describe your relationship or no? Yes and no.

1:00:05 Caller She still wants to have sex, but I'm turned off by it, like, but at the same time, I wouldn't mind getting myself off to orgasm.

1:00:13 Adam We know, Drew. But here, okay, a couple of things. I'm going to have to say this. First off, senior poo. It's a good one, right, Chris? Secondly, most people, here's the deal. Most the gays and most the lesbians, or not most, but most, are there or that way because someone fiddled with them. So they're screwed up in the first place, and they're bound to have screwed up relationships. No one else will say this, by the way, but this... It's not fair. It's true.

1:00:45 Caller But they never been physically or mentally abused.

1:00:49 Adam Okay, thanks for crapping on my point.

1:00:52 Drew You weren't sexually abused.

1:00:53 Caller No, I've had the best lifestyle. My parents have been behind me the whole way.

1:00:57 Drew No, but like...

1:00:59 Adam We had a good lifestyle, okay.

1:01:00 Drew When you were in kindergarten or anything, you never had anything with people your own age doing funky stuff to you.

1:01:07 Caller No, I would... At a young age, I became sexual with girls.

1:01:12 Drew How old were you? Okay, see, that's what I'm talking about.

1:01:17 Adam Well, that's a little weird.

1:01:18 Drew No, that's...

1:01:18 Adam I became sexual with girls in the second grade?

1:01:21 Drew You used, Christina, by another girl, is what happened.

1:01:25 Caller But I was the one with the girls that led it on.

1:01:27 Drew Uh, either... Either that's your perception of what happened, or there was more trauma going on in your home than you realized.

1:01:35 Caller Well...

1:01:36 Drew That's really how that happens.

1:01:37 Adam Hey, early bloomer, what about your girlfriend?

1:01:39 Caller Uh, she's 23 and she's had a good lifestyle, I would say, too. We both have good homes, good money, like, everything's imperfect.

1:01:50 Drew Hang on a second.

1:01:50 Adam All right.

1:01:51 Drew But you're both your biological parents?

1:01:54 Caller Uh, I'm with my mother and my stepfather, but my father and stepmother are still around.

1:01:58 Caller Same with her.

1:01:59 Drew What happened with your original biological parents?

1:02:02 Caller They divorced in second grade.

1:02:05 Drew Okay. When you started acting out, was there some aggression in the home or something?

1:02:11 Caller Not that I recognize, no. Not that I remember. I remember them breaking up, but it wasn't a big ordeal. My parents made a point for me to be with my father on weekends and stuff like that.

1:02:25 Drew I understand that's your perception of it, but I guarantee you there was more going on here than you realize. Either that or you were victimized by one of your peers. Those are the options. That's it. That's what makes second graders do that kind of thing. It's not, oh, she was just a sexual person.

1:02:41 Adam No, no.

1:02:42 Drew It doesn't happen like that. Eight-year-olds do not act out sexually unless there's something going on. Or they're victimized.

1:02:50 Adam That's it.

1:02:50 Drew Period.

1:02:50 Adam Well, look, the point is two minutes ago was a fairytale for a childhood. And then the parents are divorced and she was very sexually active when she was eight or nine years old. But it still doesn't mean she was necessarily wholesalely abused. But I am still sticking with my many of these relationships. One or the other partner had some form of abuse. And that makes it harder to maintain a relationship, any kind of relationship. If you take a heterosexual relationship where the woman was sexually abused by her father, it's going to be hell to have that relationship. Unless the woman's, you know, tons of therapy. And same with the guy. If the guy was abused by his uncle. It's hard for 18 and 19 year olds to have relationships any way you slice it. And then when you start mixing this into the Cuisinart of crap, it really gets difficult.

1:03:49 Drew If you want to get a little glimpse of what happens from trauma, read my book. Because people underestimate the effect on trauma on the human brain and thereby their relationships later on.

1:03:57 Adam Well anyway, Christina.

1:03:58 Sara Rue She was worried about not being sexual with her girlfriend now. But don't you think maybe the best thing to do is to not worry about it so much and just to concentrate on having like a loving committed relationship and kiss and cuddle and not worry about it?

1:04:11 Drew That's sort of what I opened with. But she said her friend's not happy with that.

1:04:15 Sara Rue Oh she did?

1:04:15 Drew They've been a year and a half together, one year with no sex. And the girlfriend's getting like, haha.

1:04:21 Adam Also, by the way everybody, you can just get busy once, twice a week. I mean you really think about...

1:04:28 Drew Not when you're a trauma survivor though.

1:04:30 Adam Okay, quiet down. When, if you think about what you do in life that you don't want to do, if you're a fairly successful person, it seems like about 85% of your life is stuff you don't really feel like doing, but you do it, everything from flossing your teeth to getting up in the morning and going to work. You can get down on your girlfriend and go to work for 15-20 minutes a week, just to keep her edge off, and that's fine. You know, once in a while you gotta lick the fiddler, right Drew?

1:04:59 Drew That's what I always say.

1:05:00 Adam Yeah. Uh, let me talk to Christina one more time. Christina?

1:05:06 Sara Rue Uh-huh?

1:05:08 Adam What if you just got busy with her? Just a couple times a week. Could you do that?

1:05:13 Sara Rue I couldn't.

1:05:14 Caller Like, I'm turned off by it.

1:05:16 Drew Are you on medication, Christina? Christina, you on medicine?

1:05:18 Caller No.

1:05:19 Adam All right. Well, I think it's time for you guys to break up then. Ouch.

1:05:25 Drew Well.

1:05:26 Caller Is there anything else I can do?

1:05:28 Adam I mean, you're turned off by her, and you haven't been turned on by her in many, many a month.

1:05:34 Drew Again, that's not uncommon for lesbian couples.

1:05:36 Adam And you're 18, yeah. And listen, yeah, for lesbians, I mean, see, when guys get together, they're banging the bejesus out of each other, and then banging the neighbor, and then banging the friend, and the pool boy, and the gardener. They never stop banging. It's two guys.

1:05:50 Drew No, it's true. It's two guys. If you stand in front of the book section in, like, for gay and lesbian relationships, then the male part is how to deal with cheating. The whole thing is about how do you deal with cheating. So.

1:06:01 Adam Right. And the women, it's how not to... It's cuddling. It's all about...

1:06:06 Drew It's all...

1:06:09 Adam Well, look. But look at it this way. You got a guy and a girl in a relationship. We have a heterosexual relationship. The guy wants to do the humping. The girl wants to do the cuddling. Doesn't mean the women don't want to do a little hump in themselves. But by and large, 70% of the time... The guys are pushing the hump along. The girls are pushing the cuddle along. Alright, so now you take two guys and you put them in a relationship. That's hump on hump. That's two humps. You understand? That's hump on. Two chicks, that's cuddle on. Doesn't mean they don't like to get it on, too, but that's the cuddle on. Priorities are different. Charlotte? You're 21?

1:06:52 Caller Yeah.

1:06:52 Adam What's up?

1:06:54 Caller Well, my boyfriend thinks I'm stupid.

1:06:57 Drew What do you mean?

1:07:01 Caller Well, I wear, like, high heels and...

1:07:07 Drew Oh, hold on a second. You're also wondering, it sort of puts an interesting spin on his attitude.

1:07:14 Adam We heard the smoke detector chirp.

1:07:16 Drew You'll listen in a second. I'll get it in a minute.

1:07:18 Adam All right, now they usually go about 30 to 35 seconds. Charlotte?

1:07:23 Caller Yeah?

1:07:24 Adam Sweetie, we need you to stay where you are.

1:07:27 Drew And don't talk for a second.

1:07:28 Adam And don't move around. Just listen for the chirp.

1:07:31 Caller Hold on now.

1:07:32 Adam Well, we... It should be coming out.

1:07:35 Drew Sometimes it goes to 50, though.

1:07:37 Caller Well, I'll wait it out.

1:07:38 Drew Yeah, no doubt.

1:07:41 Adam It's the cricket? Shhh. Don't move, sweetie. That was almost right. Now you've been moving.

1:07:51 Drew You moved away from it.

1:07:55 Adam Move toward the smoke detector.

1:07:57 Drew Wherever you were when you started talking to us, go back to that position.

1:08:03 Adam And we're not talking about emotionally. We don't need you to go to that place. Where were you when we first spoke to you? What room were you in?

1:08:10 Caller I really can't go back there.

1:08:14 Adam No, go back to where you were or I will hang up on you.

1:08:17 Caller Somebody might hear me talk.

1:08:19 Drew We won't talk. We won't say anything. We just want to listen to the ambient noise in the room.

1:08:23 Adam Five seconds. It's going to go.

1:08:24 Drew Go back.

1:08:27 Adam There it goes.

1:08:27 Drew That was much more satisfying to hear it.

1:08:30 Adam Smoke detector. Low battery.

1:08:32 Drew Low battery.

1:08:33 Adam That's the chirp it makes.

1:08:35 Drew The chirp of the Loveline caller.

1:08:37 Adam It's 39 seconds I'm getting. So we should get our next one at about 19. Drew, actually 18 or 19.

1:08:47 Drew 19 on that?

1:08:48 Adam Yeah. Charlotte, sweetie. Again, no talking necessary. Going to need you to get back to the original room.

1:08:56 Drew Okay. Okay. When you actually want to talk to us, we'll switch rooms in a second.

1:09:03 Adam It's coming. Three, two, one, go. Now, you heard the beginning of it before the phone started to cut out. So, now, Charlotte, you can leave the room now that we've successfully paced your smoke detector. It was about a 38 and a half second smoke detector. It was a little high. They're usually somewhere in the 30 to 35 range. Charlotte. And why the phone, and by the way, this happened when you were out of town a few weeks ago kissing the ass of the Olson twins, but I had it timed and the phone cut for one second during when I said now. And this time, by the way, it cut the beep in half. Is that bizarre or what?

1:09:50 Drew I think some of that phone thing is when sound begins, it cuts out.

1:09:55 Adam No. That's retarded. Sorry.

1:09:58 Drew Charlotte. I notice it cuts when they start talking a lot of times.

1:10:01 Adam No, it just seems that way. Charlotte? See?

1:10:04 Drew She's starting to talk.

1:10:05 Adam Oh, shut up, Drew. You're like a suspicious native. Like, oh, the volcano went off. What was I doing? I was defecating while the volcano went off. I'll never defecate again. That's poo humor, Chris.

1:10:20 Drew Wait, Charlotte. Charlotte?

1:10:22 Adam She's Charlotte? No, the phone has cut out.

1:10:26 Caller Oh.

1:10:26 Drew Seriously?

1:10:27 Adam Well, no, it's doing the temporary crap it's been doing the whole time.

1:10:31 Caller Uh-huh.

1:10:32 Drew Okay, let's hear your question. You can go into the room where you can talk to us. What's the question?

1:10:37 Caller Well, my boyfriend thinks I'm stupid.

1:10:39 Drew Why?

1:10:39 Caller Because, well, I guess, I don't know.

1:10:45 Caller I think really my question is, is love important to men?

1:10:51 Drew Yes.

1:10:52 Caller Like real love?

1:10:53 Adam Yes.

1:10:53 Drew When they're older.

1:10:54 Adam We have to love to bang you.

1:10:56 Drew When they're not under the influence of... No, that's what I mean. Sex is a priority. Depends on the guy.

1:11:05 Adam How old is your boyfriend?

1:11:09 Caller He's 27.

1:11:11 Adam 27.

1:11:12 Drew He should be...

1:11:13 Adam Let's get to that point where it becomes something that he's interested in. What do you have? Nothing.

1:11:25 Drew I don't have a boyfriend.

1:11:27 Adam Okay, well, that's good. Let's put our cards on the table and talk about your smoke detector for just one second. What room was that in? Was that your bedroom? No, the kitchen. That's the kitchen. Alright, that's slightly more acceptable. Often times it's in the bedroom, and often times it's been going off for months. Or you want people to sleep in that bedroom, and there it goes again.

1:11:49 Caller Yeah.

1:11:50 Adam Okay, so, how about replacing the battery?

1:11:54 Caller Does it mean it's dead?

1:11:56 Drew Yeah, that's what that chirping means.

1:11:58 Sara Rue If a guy is calling you stupid, you should probably break up with him.

1:12:01 Drew No, she doesn't have a boyfriend, she made the whole thing up.

1:12:03 Adam Well, in general.

1:12:04 Sara Rue She made the whole thing up?

1:12:05 Adam How long has that thing been going... How long has it been going off, Charlotte? The smoke detector.

1:12:10 Caller I don't know, but Drew sounds really, really cute.

1:12:13 Why are you acting stupid like that?

1:12:15 Adam He is hot. Alright, now the thing's gonna go off. Go back into the kitchen. Let me hear it one more time. Three, two, one. There we go. Alright, that's all I needed.

1:12:29 Drew Very satisfying.

1:12:30 Adam Do you realize that a very alarmingly high, speaking of smoke alarm, percentage of people that call this show have the smoke detector chirping in the background?

1:12:43 Drew Shocking.

1:12:44 Adam And it's in their bedroom half the time.

1:12:46 Drew I have no idea. Remember her first question was, did you hear the crickets?

1:12:51 Adam No idea what's going on. And let me say this. First off, it would drive a reptile insane. If you had a garter snake in an aquarium in the room that had the smoke detector chirping every 30 seconds, it would eat its own tail and kill itself. Not these people. And when I'm in charge, I will track these people down and I will sterilize them because I will not let them have children.

1:13:17 Drew Speaks volumes about the power of the human brain to screen out. Does it not?

1:13:23 Adam I don't know if you want to use power and brain in the same sentence with people who can't hear their smoke detector going off. That's just flat stupidity.

1:13:34 Sara Rue What's funny is her made up question was, my boyfriend thinks I'm stupid.

1:13:37 Adam He's right. They're all right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:13:46 Caller 1-800-LOVE-1-91.

1:13:50 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's most trusted condom for over 80 years.

1:13:57 Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.

1:14:22 Drew It's always like my kizzle.

1:14:23 Adam Oh, shut up.

1:14:24 Drew It's always like my zoom, my zee, my zoom, zoom, zee.

1:14:30 Adam I know, you're looking for the words. You know the words, just do it. You've done it three times in a row without the words.

1:14:36 Andy Dick didn't have the thing and he did it great.

1:14:38 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:14:39 Adam Yeah, he did.

1:14:41 Drew He went, he went so soon, so, so, so, so, so.

1:14:43 Adam Yeah, it was coincident. He was giving a recipe recipe for a guest spot show. It was actually just a pure coincidence that it sounded like the words. Ain't all Andy Dick in the hizzy. Sara Rue on tonight from the same show Andy Dick is on. Although I bet she gets paid more.

1:15:06 Caller Yeah, yeah.

1:15:08 Adam Why shouldn't she get paid more?

1:15:10 Sara Rue It's my show.

1:15:11 Adam It is your show. Of course you get paid more.

1:15:13 Sara Rue I work a little harder than Andy Dick. Don't tell him I said so.

1:15:16 Adam A little bifunc-y. He doesn't deserve anything. I'm going to tell him too.

1:15:20 Sara Rue Yeah, you let him know for me.

1:15:22 Adam You deserve 10 times as much as him.

1:15:24 Sara Rue My working relationship is going quite well with Andy Dick. I don't want to rock the boat.

1:15:27 Caller He'll have to leave at this point.

1:15:32 Drew He was a little quiet this last week, wasn't he? I was thinking about him.

1:15:35 Sara Rue He told me that he was quiet. He told me that he came in and that he really felt like you guys had it covered and what advice could he possibly offer. So that's why he told me not to talk too much tonight.

1:15:45 Drew He developed a judgment. Well, I think, too, his recovery is going along.

1:15:48 Adam He was singing, too. And I think he was a little bit focused on thinking about his music.

1:15:54 Sara Rue Oh, did he perform one of his songs? Was it the butt song?

1:15:57 Adam It could have probably involved the ass, yeah.

1:16:01 Caller Sharing is good, but not when it's with needles, because then the only thing positive is your HIV test.

1:16:08 Sara Rue Right.

1:16:08 Caller And the doctor swears.

1:16:10 Drew He sang four songs for us.

1:16:11 Sara Rue Oh, yeah. My favorite one is the ass smells better than your, you know.

1:16:16 Caller Oh, really?

1:16:17 Sara Rue No, that's not brown ring. Brown ring goes like little brown ring.

1:16:20 Drew Yeah, he sang that for us.

1:16:21 Sara Rue Oh, he did? Yes, yes. I like that one. But no, this one is about how his, whatever, the singer's girlfriend's butt smells better than her vagina. We like that one. He played that one on a morning show a couple weeks ago. Didn't go over so well.

1:16:38 Adam I asked him to play that on my wedding, actually. Acoustically, acoustically, because I thought it wouldn't be tasteful if we plugged in the band.

1:16:46 Drew Have you seen him sock his band members when they don't perform properly?

1:16:50 Sara Rue Yeah, I mean, I've seen it all. I go to all Andy's shows.

1:16:54 Drew Oh, good.

1:16:54 Sara Rue Oh, yeah, I'm supportive. My favorite is when that other guy throws up in Andy's mouth. Have you seen that? It's hot.

1:17:02 Drew What?

1:17:02 Sara Rue It's really hot. Yeah.

1:17:03 Drew What?

1:17:04 Sara Rue Yeah, he has his his sponsor, quote unquote, and he does this bit where his sponsor is drunk and he throws up in his mouth because he opens his mouth to like yell at him and. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. Yeah, it's funny.

1:17:17 Adam Well, it's good.

1:17:18 Sara Rue It's performance art. Good times.

1:17:19 Adam Jenna. You're 15.

1:17:26 Caller I just want to say I love you guys so much. You give me so much information that I just can't ask my friends about.

1:17:37 Adam What's going on?

1:17:40 Caller I like this guy I've known for about four years, and I've liked him on and off. And the other day, I finally got up the courage to tell him that, and he was really psyched and said that, oh, well, I like you, too, kind of thing.

1:17:56 Drew After how long?

1:17:56 Adam Four years.

1:17:57 Caller Four years.

1:17:58 Drew What's been going on during those four years?

1:18:01 Caller Oh, we met at this, like, Christian camp thing, and it's been kind of crazy since then. But he's gone out with a couple of my friends.

1:18:10 Drew What does that mean, it's been crazy since then?

1:18:16 Caller It's never been kind of the right time for me to tell him.

1:18:19 Drew Because why?

1:18:20 Caller Because he's had other girlfriends or I've had other boyfriends.

1:18:24 Drew And how does he know?

1:18:27 Adam A lot of action for people who met at the Christian camp.

1:18:29 Drew How old is he now?

1:18:33 Adam So now he's free and you're free?

1:18:36 Caller Yeah.

1:18:36 Adam So you told him.

1:18:39 Caller And he then started asking me all these questions about how far I've been with guys and things like that. And I'm still really innocent with that.

1:18:51 Drew Great, excellent. Good, keep it that way.

1:18:55 Caller Yeah, I intend to. But he was really pressuring me about different stuff like, you know, have you had oral sex or have you given it?

1:19:05 Drew Wait, this is before you've gone out with him?

1:19:09 Adam Yes.

1:19:09 Drew This is sort of...

1:19:10 Adam They've known each other for a while.

1:19:11 Drew Yeah, but this is him sort of taking an inventory before he decides what he's going to do.

1:19:14 Adam Well, guys are great. But he was enthusiastic about you, right? And then what? Did he want anything from you?

1:19:21 Caller Well, he was talking about how... Well, I know that he has a few other girls that like him, and he's not like a player kind of guy. He's always been really quiet and kind of distant from a lot of girls.

1:19:34 Drew Yeah, those guys are never, never the player. The brooding... Yeah.

1:19:38 Adam Yeah, it's like the serial killers. Quiet, he kept to himself, polite. Could never be the guy.

1:19:43 Drew Same guy, interesting.

1:19:44 Adam No, the guys who do it are the gregarious, outgoing ones. Those are the killers. All right, watch this. I love guys. Guys are great, too, because you wonder, what's wrong with this story? They've known each other for four years. They've been around each other. He's had other girlfriends.

1:20:02 Drew Never been the right time.

1:20:03 Adam He's never actually tried to lower the boom on her. And, Sara, you play the part of 16-year-old Jenna. Asking me out. This is great, too.

1:20:14 Drew Okay. This is 17-year-old Adam. You and Adam met at the Christian Camp four years ago.

1:20:18 Adam Wait a minute. What's the guy's name, Jenna?

1:20:21 Caller I don't really want to say because I know you.

1:20:23 Drew Give us a name. Give us a name.

1:20:26 Adam It's going to take 20 minutes.

1:20:29 Drew Trev. That's good.

1:20:30 Adam That's a perfect name.

1:20:31 Drew Well done.

1:20:33 Sara Rue Ready?

1:20:33 Adam Yeah, you're Jenna.

1:20:34 Sara Rue Trevor?

1:20:35 Adam Hey, hey, hey, Jenna. Hey. Hey, Jenna.

1:20:40 Sara Rue It doesn't bother me.

1:20:41 Adam Yeah. Whatever.

1:20:42 Sara Rue It's cool.

1:20:43 Adam Yeah.

1:20:43 Sara Rue Listen, I was just, I don't know, I don't know if you sort of, but like whatever, like the past couple years, I was just thinking you seem cool and like I know that you dated Joe for a while, but now you guys are done. I mean, I just kind of think you're, I think you're, I think you're a cool guy and I was kind of wondering if you think I'm like, I'm, you know, I don't know.

1:21:03 Adam I think, I think you're cool too. Yeah. You know what would make you cooler if you gave me a handy? You know? Oh. Is that something you're into? What have you done?

1:21:15 Sara Rue Well, I don't, I mean.

1:21:17 Adam I mean, I'm India.

1:21:18 Sara Rue You are?

1:21:19 Adam Yeah. A lot? But I'd like to be more India and it'd be easier for me to be more India if, you know, my dork was into your mouth. You know what I'm saying?

1:21:29 Sara Rue I don't know how Jesus would feel about that.

1:21:32 Adam Oh, he's cool. He's cool.

1:21:34 Sara Rue Okay.

1:21:34 Adam Yeah, because I talked, I saw this clay mated show at like 430 in the morning with this dog and this other guy and whatever it was, I just remember walking away from it thinking it's cool. So that's cool. So we can start dating if, if your interpretation of dating is you, you know, give me a handy in my truck. Okay, cool. Don't tell anybody. Jenna. Thank you. Of course. I know. Wes.

1:22:12 Sara Rue It's hard, Jenna. Like that's a hard situation for you. I bet you were like, I don't know what to say because on one hand, here's this guy you really like. And so you don't want to like miss an opportunity. But then on the other hand, you kind of feel Icky about it. Right?

1:22:24 Caller Well, yeah, exactly.

1:22:32 Drew What you're supposed to say is he wasn't that big of an a-hole. But if he was that big of an a-hole, anybody standing back and listen to that interaction and go, Jenna, run.

1:22:43 Adam This guy's a mistake.

1:22:45 Drew Huge mistake. You're great.

1:22:46 Sara Rue You sound awesome. I think you can do so much better. You just sound like such a cool girl. I think you can aim higher.

1:22:53 Adam And I know you're really into him because everyone else is into him and there's some heat and all that.

1:22:58 Caller I don't know him from like his friends. Like we met kind of separately and I've known him for a while and I just I've seen a lot of his good side and.

1:23:06 Adam I know. But let's. You've seen the side of him that's mildly interested in you at best and that is alluring to you. Find some nice guy who's into you. It's not a bad thing. And girls, I know it goes against your nature oftentimes, but you better start getting used to it. It's a better life being with people that want to be with you in a sincere way.

1:23:29 Drew Think how awful it is.

1:23:30 Adam Thank you.

1:23:31 Drew She she has to say. That's Trevor. They had him. Good job. That was Trevor. That sucks. Yeah. I mean, well, that's what we say. I love that.

1:23:39 Adam I deserve some praise for my portrayal of a 17 year old Trevor.

1:23:42 Caller Thank you.

1:23:43 Sara Rue I, on the other hand, was too goody goody.

1:23:45 Adam No, no, no, you were solid, Jenna.

1:23:48 Drew That's how he was able to play Trevor so well.

1:23:50 Caller He had a good Canada work model.

1:23:51 Adam Yeah. We'll take ourselves a quick break. Maybe we'll get on that show. You know, it's been a while. Less than perfect. Hey. A little guest casting. Come on.

1:24:01 Drew I have my backing debut coming up now.

1:24:03 Adam You've seen my range as Trevor.

1:24:05 Sara Rue I was really impressed.

1:24:07 Adam I was.

1:24:07 Sara Rue We take place in a new station. You know, you guys could play anchors, you know.

1:24:11 Drew We do appearances and stuff. We could be coming to town like we did at Dawson's Creek.

1:24:16 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:24:17 Drew No, I wouldn't.

1:24:18 Adam Show her you're real.

1:24:19 Caller All right.

1:24:20 Adam We're going to take a quick break. Sara Rue is here.

1:24:23 Drew We'll be right back.

1:24:28 Loveline. Loveline.

1:24:30 Adam Loveline.

1:24:31 Drew Loveline.

1:24:55 Caller Everybody, it's Loveline.

1:24:57 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew asked me 10 secs before we went on the air. Did you see that movie, What a Girl Wants? With Amanda Bynes? Are you kidding? I was camped out. Did you see that movie, What a Girl Wants? I was camped out. Remember that hobo urinated on me because it was out front of Grumman's four days before it came out?

1:25:25 Drew No, we have the same director, that is the one that Olsen twins did. There was gonna be a story, but that was not there. Listen, you see everything.

1:25:33 Adam I, no I don't.

1:25:35 Drew You seem to.

1:25:36 Adam Not in the theaters.

1:25:38 Drew The airplane, that was on a plane.

1:25:39 Adam True, it thinks everything he sees because he has kids, other people see.

1:25:42 Caller I saw that movie on a plane.

1:25:44 Sara Rue In French, I watched that movie on a plane in French.

1:25:47 Adam It was better that way. I remember when he was telling me some character from Thomas the Tank Engine about six years ago and I was like, I don't know who Artie the Caboose is. And he's like, huh? It's on at noon during the day. Please. All right, Sara Rue, everybody. It's true that whatever your world is is what everyone else's world has become. Let's, and by the way, it angers me speaking on this topic. When you tell somebody, hey, this a really good movie. And they go, I never did see that movie. Like, found out Jimmy hasn't seen the Shawshank Redemption, for instance. And he will see the movie. But once in a while, there'll be some movie that you really think is a quality movie, it's a really good movie. And you'll go, hey, you never saw Goodfellas, huh? No, never, never did. Oh, you should get that. Oh, you're gonna love that. You like action, like gangster stuff, right? Yeah, yeah, you need to see that. And then you talk to them like a month later and you go, you seen that Goodfellas? And you go, you really should take some time and see this movie. This is a real good movie. And then after about the 12th time, you ask them and two years goes by, you start getting violently angry toward the person and you realize this is more of an F you than it is, I don't feel like seeing Goodfellas. It is an attack. It is a blatant attack.

1:27:06 Drew That is so narcissistic. Everything that happens to other people is directly aimed at you.

1:27:09 Adam I've been trying to get my carpenter buddy, Gary, to watch you.

1:27:13 Drew Gary has been living in your damn house, building the damn thing every second of every day.

1:27:16 Adam I've been yelling at him to get Road Warrior. I mean, he likes action movies. Get that Road Warrior. Three years I've been telling that putz to get it. He won't do it. Slap in the face, Drew.

1:27:26 Drew In his case, he's tired of responding to your orders.

1:27:28 Adam Slap in the face. Tony? Did you see Goodfellas, Drew?

1:27:35 Drew Yeah.

1:27:36 Adam Thank you. Sara? Yeah. All right. Tony's phone is cut out or our phone is cut out, which is fine for me because just from Tony's high, I realize I didn't want to talk to him. I just, no, that's how I am. Uh-oh, Tony?

1:27:52 Caller Yeah.

1:27:52 Adam All right, buddy, what's your problem?

1:27:55 Caller All right, cool. First of all, I just want to say you guys are great. I love your show.

1:28:00 Adam Thank you.

1:28:00 Caller Like another source for education for me. You guys make it fun, though.

1:28:05 Adam Thanks, buddy. I turn the corner on this Tony. What's your problem?

1:28:09 Caller All right, well, I think it was like a few weeks ago, I had fingered my girlfriend for the first time. And I've never really done that before. And I felt like some kind of, like a lump or, see, I don't know what it's supposed to feel like down there. But I did feel something that I figured shouldn't be there because there was an inconsistency in the tissue. And I was concerned. I was thinking maybe, you know, it could be something serious or, I don't know.

1:28:46 Drew Tony, given you have the train touch, maybe you ought to try explaining what it was you felt.

1:28:54 Caller It was like a little lump, I would say.

1:28:59 Sara Rue Where, though?

1:28:59 Drew Was it way inside?

1:29:00 Caller Yeah, it was inside.

1:29:02 Drew That's her cervix.

1:29:04 Caller No, I don't think I was in that deep.

1:29:06 Drew Oh, you don't have to go in that deep in somewhere. They can be right there.

1:29:09 Adam That's right. Oftentimes on the outside.

1:29:13 Drew You sort of flick something, the lump at the end of the tip of your finger.

1:29:18 Adam This is one of the dangers of teenage finger blasting.

1:29:22 Drew Is what?

1:29:24 Adam First off, these guys, they're not gynecologists.

1:29:28 Drew Really?

1:29:29 Adam They're not? No. For them, it's a grab bag of organs in there. They're just reaching their hand up running into stuff.

1:29:36 Drew Why do they even?

1:29:37 Adam I think they're surprised that there's anything in there.

1:29:40 Drew Right. Why are they even thinking about it?

1:29:41 Adam I expected those foam packing peanuts the first time I went up there. That was really what I was expecting.

1:29:47 Drew You thought they'd be popping? You're looking to pop the peanuts?

1:29:50 Adam Oh, Drew, you don't pop the peanuts.

1:29:52 Drew Oh, the peanuts. Oh, yeah, the bubbles.

1:29:55 Adam Drew, how dare you? And I understand Sara feels that when you make those kind of jokes.

1:30:01 Drew You said the bubbles, the pee, the whatever.

1:30:04 Sara Rue I thought you guys were going to pop something else. I didn't. That was fine.

1:30:08 Drew Serena.

1:30:09 Adam Serena?

1:30:10 Drew Yeah. 16.

1:30:12 Adam Yeah, 16. We're having a lot of difficulty on a nightly basis with the phones going down.

1:30:18 Drew 50 percent of the time. Yeah, 50 percent of the time we're not hearing the caller, I'd say. So go ahead, Serena. What's up?

1:30:24 Adam Let's see. I would argue that 50 percent of the time we are hearing the caller.

1:30:28 Drew Yes, Mr. Optimism.

1:30:30 Adam Go ahead, Serena.

1:30:33 Drew Yeah, we got you.

1:30:34 Caller Okay, I'm 16, and like about two months ago, I met a 22-year-old at my work, and like we just like started hanging out a lot, and well, like one night we ended up having sex and all that, and we just like been like really close, but like we've been like boyfriend and girlfriend pretty much. I'm like, we've just been dating, but every time I ask him out, he turns me down, and he always says that he like doesn't want to get his heart broken because of his past relationships or something like that.

1:31:02 Drew Oh my god, Serena.

1:31:03 Adam Alright, a little reenactment. Wait, we gotta find out what the guy's name is.

1:31:08 Drew Wrong line.

1:31:09 Adam Oops, sorry. I pressed the man's name up, sir.

1:31:13 Drew Serena.

1:31:14 Adam Serena.

1:31:15 Drew Yeah?

1:31:15 Adam What's this chap's name?

1:31:17 Drew Daniel. Daniel. Alright, now listen carefully. Adam's going to play Daniel.

1:31:21 Adam He's 22? Alright, and each time you ask him out, he says, no, he doesn't want to get his heart broken.

1:31:26 Drew And Sara will play Serena.

1:31:32 Sara Rue Okay, like Daniel, remember when we did it?

1:31:35 Adam Yeah, Sonya, that was hot.

1:31:37 Sara Rue Serena, but whatever. Yeah. That was cool. So, what are you doing on Friday? Do you want to maybe go to the movies?

1:31:43 Adam Friday's TiVo night.

1:31:46 Caller Oh, that's funny.

1:31:47 Sara Rue I thought the point of TiVo was to not be at home.

1:31:50 Drew This guy's a little smoother. This guy's a little smoother than Trevor. This is not Trevor, this is Daniel.

1:31:54 Adam Alright, let's go. Let's try it again.

1:31:56 Drew This guy is having sex.

1:31:58 Adam Let's try it again. Keep that in mind.

1:31:59 Drew He wants to keep that going.

1:32:01 Sara Rue We're going to pick it up from the Friday bit. Hey, Daniel, what are you doing on Friday?

1:32:06 Adam Sorry, sweetness, Friday's TiVo night. Wow. Yeah, you're sweet to ask.

1:32:13 Sara Rue Really?

1:32:14 Caller You're sweet to ask.

1:32:15 Sara Rue It's just like, you know, we never hang out in public and like.

1:32:19 Adam Hey, if you want to come by and like, give me a little handy or something.

1:32:24 Drew I mean, I can rock you. You're asking me on a date. I told you, I have my heart broken. I have a heart broken guy.

1:32:30 Adam I know. I'm getting to that. I'm getting to that. Go ahead.

1:32:33 Sara Rue I mean, I like, I love. Yeah, I'll come by and whatever. I just thought it'd be fun if maybe we did something else like.

1:32:39 Adam Do you remember that Rod Stewart song, the first cut is the deepest?

1:32:43 Sara Rue No, I was, I was two when that came out.

1:32:46 Adam Well, what Rod or Rodney's I call him was singing about was a guy had his heart broke.

1:32:51 Sara Rue Yeah.

1:32:52 Adam And once you get your heart broke, sweetie, you don't just put it back together with spit and crazy glue. You know what I mean? Now, if you want to come by and spend time and I'm talking about quality time with me, that's one thing. But if you just want to parade all over town and put me in a vulnerable position, like where I'm not getting sucked off, well, then we can't do, then your seed can find no purchase here.

1:33:22 Sara Rue But anyway, I just thought like a couple of my friends are going to go maybe check out that.

1:33:26 Drew Oh, that sounds great. When?

1:33:28 Sara Rue Friday.

1:33:30 Drew Friday, Friday. No, you know, I got to do some stuff on Saturday morning early. I don't think that's going to work. You know, we talked about this. It is so hard for me because my last girlfriend, you know, I started going out with her right away and we kept going out. And I told you what happened.

1:33:46 Sara Rue But like I told you that like I, you know, my feelings for you are true.

1:33:50 Drew And I see that's what I'm talking about. See, I told you, don't get like that.

1:33:53 Adam That's due dueling, Daniel. That's how the last one started.

1:33:57 Sara Rue But like, I mean, you can't say you're the same person.

1:34:00 Adam Can't risk it. Sorry. But anyway, if you want to come over with like some lubricant or something, that'd be cool.

1:34:07 Drew Both Daniels agree on that one.

1:34:11 Adam Serena, yeah, we don't like this guy. We don't trust this guy.

1:34:14 Sara Rue We hate him.

1:34:15 Adam I know. I know the more.

1:34:17 Sara Rue I just like both of them, frankly, Serena.

1:34:19 Adam The more unavailable he is, the more attractive he is to you. But no more sex with him and break it off.

1:34:25 Drew Magically, he'll go away when you stop the sex.

1:34:27 Adam Yes.

1:34:27 Drew That's your taste test, right?

1:34:29 Caller All right.

1:34:29 Adam We'll take a little break. I'll be back with Dr. Daniel and Sara Rue after this.

1:34:34 Caller Okay, so I know there's nothing wrong with me.

1:34:36 Caller So what's up?

1:34:41 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

1:34:47 Caller Believe it or not, other normal people are out there looking too.

1:34:49 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:35:26 Adam They're a row everybody. Come back anytime. Less than perfect. Tuesday nights. Bought us a bottle of booze, and I'm going to drink mine before I get home.

1:35:38 Sara Rue That's a good place.

1:35:39 Adam Well, no, on the way home. The buzz really kicks in as I pull in the garage.

1:35:42 Drew The Ohio Patrol will call for city PD.

1:35:44 Sara Rue Someone hand Adam Estrada, he'll be fine.

1:35:48 Adam I got a long jive going about booze, but it's really the perfect gift, and that's why sober people anger me, because you can't get them booze.

1:35:55 Sara Rue Well, I asked before I came in, I asked, because I'm always worried that I'm going to break someone's 10 years sober eye. He needs to be smart.

1:36:01 Drew I just wrote a book about this.

1:36:02 Adam All right, so until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:07 Sara Rue Yucky. I'm sorry, but ew.

1:36:13 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:37:08 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Sunday, September 28, 2003