Episode 1000571124252

0:55 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

1:00 Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:03 Adam Hey everybody, Loveline. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Drew?

1:12 Drew Yep.

1:13 Adam Hey, you sound decent.

1:15 Drew How about that?

1:16 Adam Where are you? In KC?

1:17 Drew I'm in Kansas City.

1:19 Adam What you doing over there?

1:20 Drew I gave a talk at Truman State University. Oh, yeah, it was three hours from here. Three hours out and three hours back.

1:32 Adam No, you don't make that. Anderson, do you have a sound effect that you remember when the guy would come by an ice cream truck and he would make change with that change belt? Just a couple of nickels coming out, maybe a dime. Do they have change belts anymore? Do you remember those?

1:50 Drew I remember those things. They're like four, each, the pennies quarters, dime.

1:56 Adam As a kid, there was something like surreal about a guy with a striped shirt. He had to have the white and red striped shirt, like the ice cream guy, I always remember had that. And he'd lift that front of the shirt up. And there was a huge belt buckle filled with money. And all he had to do is hit this one lever and a quarter would come out and the other lever and nickel would come out. And the thing about it too is, is when you're a kid, you think, I don't know, how much is in there? 100,000, 500,000, maybe a million.

2:27 Drew Infinity, it just keeps coming.

2:28 Adam Yeah, it was like, it was a bottomless quarter belt. If I could only get my hand on one of those belts. Little did I know the tremendous losers that were donning those belts. I had no idea, but I do like the idea of one of those. I think I may get one just to wear it around.

2:42 Drew I think my kids really thought they made money. They created money.

2:47 Adam I mean, it was like the manufacturers of the belt buckle made it or?

2:51 Drew No, it's a little machine that made money.

2:54 Adam Oh really?

2:55 Drew You just push it on and money came out. Yeah, that's great. Good times.

2:58 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, so you're over there in KC. It's good. How's the weather?

3:03 Drew Drove through a couple of storms in the way across Missouri. I've been across the state. Yes, it's good times. I love it.

3:09 Adam Yeah, that's why I quit doing those things.

3:11 Drew You know what I mean? And I literally jumped out of my car and ran up here as you came on the air. So I don't have much time to think.

3:20 Adam Well, there is a sort of catch 22 of doing those colleges, which is the further away and the farther off the beaten track they are, the more they want you.

3:30 Drew The more they appreciate you. Yeah, absolutely.

3:32 Adam Just the more desperate they are. Those colleges you do are like the fat chicks at the TGI Fridays on a Friday night. You know what I'm saying? What do they say? They're desperate. They're much more receptive to you coming over and buying them a drink.

3:48 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah.

3:50 Adam Yeah, UCLA is right next door. It doesn't want you. There's a thousand colleges within 200 yards of your house, Drew.

3:57 Drew How was your day?

3:58 Adam Good times. All good. Working on the house, you know, writing a couple jokes. The usual.

4:05 Drew All right.

4:05 Adam You ready to rock?

4:06 Drew Yeah.

4:07 Adam I'm picking the calls, right?

4:08 Drew Yes, you are, yes.

4:09 Adam I'm just going to go in order. Angela? Actually, I'm going to go by height tonight. How tall are you? Five nine. Hold on. Lauren? How tall are you? Five one. Five one. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yeah. Oh, Steven? Yeah. Yeah, Steven's a dude. We shouldn't put, pit them against the ladies in the height game, right? That's not fair. No, not fair. Lily?

4:35 Yeah.

4:35 Adam How tall are you?

4:36 Five ten.

4:38 Adam Five ten. Wow. That's a front runner so far, but Melanie over here hasn't gone yet. Let's see. Five oh, five foot. Okay, you'll be going last. Okay. Unless a midget calls up. All right, so hold on. All right, so I believe it was Lily. It's gonna be a long night because the bulk of the night is gonna be me trying to figure out who's tallest to see what order to put them in, okay? Lily? You're five ten?

5:08 Yes.

5:09 Adam You're 22?

5:10 Caller Yes.

5:11 Adam What's up?

5:11 What's up?

5:12 Caller Well, I've been married for almost a year now and I work with this guy who's kind of like, he says very sexually explicit things to me. And at first it's kind of-

5:28 Adam How tall is he?

5:29 Caller How tall is he?

5:31 He's a little shorter than I am.

5:32 Adam Shorter than you?

5:33 Caller Yeah.

5:34 Adam Okay, so he would go after you.

5:37 Drew I think Adam, when you sit in that big studio by yourself, you become like expansive. It affects your psychology.

5:44 Adam Well, I'm like a prisoner. I have to find ways to keep myself occupied, you know? To keep my mind busy.

5:50 Drew So how's your marriage going, Lily? How's your marriage going?

5:55 Caller It's great. Me and him have a really good marriage. Right now we're kind of in a rocky state apart because I work days, he works nights. We have a child.

6:07 Drew That's good. Are you thinking about doing something with this guy at work?

6:12 Caller No. No, no, no. I don't even like him.

6:14 Drew What's the question?

6:16 Caller Maybe as a friend. And I've told him, you know, I've told him I'm married. I've told him I can't do that and stuff like that. And he just doesn't let up.

6:25 Adam What kind of work do you do? Yeah, what do you want? Auto body work?

6:30 Caller Mm-hmm.

6:31 Adam I think car. What kind of car?

6:35 Caller Any car.

6:36 Adam Oh, any car. And is he out, you know, sanding Bondo and banging fenders and you're in the office?

6:44 Caller No, I'm out in the shop.

6:46 Adam What do you do out in the shop?

6:48 Caller I paint, I fix dents, I...

6:51 Adam Oh, you do? You got to, you load up the airless sprayer and go into the, well, actually, you guys don't use airless sprayers, do you? Yeah, compressor driven stuff, right?

7:06 Drew Mm-hmm.

7:08 Adam And you're actually spraying it on the cars, huh? Are you good?

7:13 Caller Yeah.

7:14 Drew You are?

7:15 Caller Yes.

7:16 Drew How dare you, Adam? What do you think? One of our callers wouldn't be professional at what they do.

7:21 Adam What kind of primer do you use?

7:23 Drew Oh, my God.

7:25 Caller It all depends on what kind of metal. What kind of bare metal we have. Either felt etching primer or some black primer, depending on the color.

7:34 Adam Yeah. All right. So, you're spraying stuff. That's a decent gig. How much you get an hour?

7:40 Caller A flag hour, about $9 an hour.

7:46 Adam That's not so great. So, but listen, Lily. You got to tell this guy to back off or you're going to report him to the Earl of Shybe.

7:56 Caller Yeah.

7:56 Adam A little Johnny Carson reference from 1975.

8:02 Drew Yeah, but look, you have, it's against the law for him to do this. He's getting big trouble. The owner would get in big trouble if he didn't respond to your complaints.

8:11 Adam They, but Drew, I don't think they can really prosecute those body shop guys because they're all, they've sucked up so many fumes over the course of their career that they're really.

8:21 Drew Interesting.

8:22 Adam It's like trying to, it's trying to prosecute a retarded person for murder or something. You know, they can, they slam it on the hand, but they don't know they're doing wrong.

8:29 Drew Well, he could have a defense, but. All right.

8:32 Adam Just tell them to stop or you'll tell your boss. And if he keeps going, you tell your boss. How tall is your husband?

8:43 Drew 5'12. 5'12.

8:44 Adam Somewhere between 5'12 and 6 foot? All right. Well, at least you caught yourself. We have had an answer where they stood by their 5'12.

8:56 Drew Yes.

8:56 Adam And may have been 6'12. I can't remember. But do you remember that call, Drew?

9:00 Drew Yes. Oh, yes, I do.

9:01 Adam All right. Now, we could go to Angela on line one, who we know is 5'9, I think.

9:08 Drew That's next.

9:09 Adam Right. Except for what about the fellas? What about the gents?

9:14 Drew Yeah.

9:14 Adam Hold on. How tall are you, Steven?

9:16 5'11.

9:19 Adam 5'11?

9:21 Drew All right.

9:21 Adam Hold on. I think people may be catching on to this game and lying about their height. John?

9:27 Caller Yeah.

9:27 Adam How tall are you, buddy?

9:28 Caller 6'3.

9:31 Adam All right. So, John would go before Steven. So, should we take... Let's take a fella and then we'll get back to the ladies. John? All right. Say, John.

9:38 Caller Yeah.

9:39 Adam What's up?

9:41 Caller I've been dating this girl for about three months, a little over three months, and we haven't had sex or anything. We've just kind of been, you know, doing whatever. I'm 24 and I have one testicle. I've had it since birth. It's not like a defect or anything like that. But I don't know how to show it to her. I don't know how to kind of bring it up.

10:07 Drew First of all, first of all, wait, hold on.

10:08 Adam Do you want to show her the missing one or the one you have?

10:10 Caller What's that?

10:11 Adam Do you want to show her the missing one or the one you have?

10:14 Drew All right. Since one is...

10:15 Caller I don't want to show her the missing one, but I mean, just, you know, we're, we're getting to the point in our relationship where we want to move on.

10:20 Drew And since when is not having...

10:23 Caller I've never showed anybody. I've never showed anybody.

10:27 Adam Quiet down.

10:28 Drew Since when is not having an ugly, disgusting part of your body a problem?

10:33 Caller I've had it my whole life. I've never really showed it to anybody. So what's it look like? A big step for me.

10:38 Adam Hold on a second. There's an air of boguosity to John, perhaps. Maybe it's just in the repetition, you know, where he keeps saying, I know I've never shown it to anybody.

10:50 Drew Yeah.

10:51 Adam It's like, well, you're going to... I've never shown it to anybody.

10:53 Drew Right. Let me explore this a little bit. Where is the other testicle?

10:57 Adam He's 24 years old, by the way. He's actually in a sack by now.

11:00 Drew It's actually a serious thing. Where is the other testicle? What happened?

11:04 Caller I was just born with one.

11:06 Drew No, you're not just born with one. You're not?

11:10 Caller But I was. I mean, you can say I wasn't, but I was. I was just born with one.

11:14 Drew You've never had that evaluated by a doctor?

11:16 Caller No, I got it evaluated by a doctor, and they just said you were born with one. They didn't say anything about it. They never, you know, they didn't sound like a problem. It doesn't cause me any problems or anything.

11:25 Drew It's actually a very serious thing, because it's not that you're born with one. It's that one doesn't descend, and the one that doesn't descend stays up in your back where it starts when you're in for your fetus, and if it stays there, it can become a cancer. So they should have looked around and see if it's up there, a non-descended testicle. It doesn't drop into the sac, it just sort of remains behind. But it can be very serious. Are you serious? Yes, I'm quite serious. I can't understand.

11:49 Adam He's pulling your chain, John. He's a doctor. They do this kind of stuff all the time.

11:56 Drew I'm dead serious. Why didn't your pediatrician have this evaluated?

12:00 Caller Well, I had it evaluated. They looked at it, and they just said, you know, you just have one, it's not a problem. They never said that it could be cancerous.

12:06 Drew If it doesn't descend, they can break down and become cancerous once in a while, so they usually have to sort of bring it down.

12:12 Adam I gotta put them on hold so I can talk to you. Drew, can't somebody be born with one as opposed to an undescended testicle?

12:21 Drew I've never heard of that, but I imagine it can be, but the only way you can prove that is look around for the other one. It doesn't sound like they've looked around.

12:28 Adam Let me talk to John because you guys are having difficulties. John?

12:32 Caller Yeah?

12:33 Adam Did they look around for it?

12:35 Caller What do you mean, did they look around for it?

12:37 Drew Ultrasound, CAT scan.

12:39 Caller The last time I was at the doctor to check it out, it was a while ago, but they did some tests. I don't know. I don't remember exactly what they did, but they did tests and they said it wasn't a problem.

12:49 Drew What kind of tests? What kind of tests?

12:51 Caller I don't remember. I haven't really gotten into it again.

12:54 Drew Adam, you asked the questions. What kind of tests?

13:08 Adam Did they draw blood or did they do something that involved a more thorough test where they did like an ultrasound or a CAT scan or something?

13:13 Caller Just like I said, the last time I went to the doctor for that.

13:18 Adam How long ago was that?

13:20 Caller What's that?

13:22 Adam How long ago?

13:24 Caller I was, I don't know, 13 maybe? I don't even remember to be totally honest.

13:30 Adam I don't know. John, this just sounds bogus.

13:36 Caller I don't know what to say to that.

13:38 Adam I mean, put your mom on. Let me talk to her.

13:42 Caller I don't live with my mom actually, so I can't.

13:45 Adam All right. So what is your... Okay. So go back to the doctor and make sure... Tell them about an undescended testicle and make sure they look for one, all right?

13:54 Drew And no one's going to have any problem with the lack of a testy. And there are... So there are... If you have a problem with it, there are ways of replacing it. There are prostheses that can stick in there. Yeah, they can put prosthetics in there.

14:08 All right.

14:09 Adam Yeah, they put a little glass ball in there. What's it look like? Does it look much different than your basic sack?

14:17 Caller Well, I mean, I guess the sack doesn't look different. It's a little bigger than I guess a normal one would be, but it's not, you know... I guess, look...

14:26 Adam What side's missing? The right or the left?

14:29 Caller It's on the left.

14:30 Drew If it doesn't look different, why are you concerned about someone seeing it?

14:34 Caller Because we've been together and I don't know.

14:37 Drew How would she know there was anything there if it doesn't look different?

14:43 Adam It's not holding together that well, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, John. She doesn't care. Don't worry about it.

14:52 Drew She will never even notice.

14:55 Adam John, there's something that made me mad about John. I don't quite know what it was. There's this... I don't know. Was it one of those dicky guy things? I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but it was a pain in the ass. So go to the doctor and have it checked out if, in fact, this is the case. And as far as women go, the sack... It's like saying, I have a really ugly catfish. And you're going, you go, all catfish are ugly. No. That's right. This one is really ugly and I'm embarrassed. Who cares? How do you get any uglier than a catfish? No. This one has like big lips and long whiskers. And they're all ugly. They're all a mess. Yes. That's what a sack is. It is the catfish of... There's... I'm going to look it up. But there's a... I was talking at work about the fish that they use to make imitation crab out of, which is a heinously ugly fish too. There's a really... Fish... There's a really ugly fish. That's where the ugliness comes in in the animal world. You know what I'm saying, Drew?

15:58 Drew You talking about the monkfish? The catfish?

16:00 Adam Yeah. Maybe it is the monkfish. Anderson, monkfish? Is that ugly?

16:03 Caller Yeah. It's hideous.

16:05 Adam Hideous looking, right? I mean, you know, the thing about the animal world is like, all right, you got your cheetahs. That's a good looking animal. And then it's like, well, you got your hippos, not quite as hot. And then, then you got your koala bears, sort of seem like the Jews of the animal world to me. They got that schnoz and they don't move too fast. I see. But they're, but they're crafty and they're smart. But here's my point, Drew. My point is, is nothing gets too ugly. But in the fish world, look out. That's awkward.

16:36 Drew Yeah.

16:36 Adam That monkfish is scary.

16:38 Drew Especially the deeper in the ocean you get.

16:40 Adam Oh, oh, then it's Dr. Seuss. I'm going to find a picture of that monkfish. Drew, do you have a computer there?

16:49 Drew Yeah.

16:49 Adam Look it up. Get a picture of that monkfish.

16:51 Drew You're not going to see it though. Or just you?

16:53 Adam During the break. During the break. I'll get engineer Chris. He'll punch up that monkfish. We'll get a nice laugh about that. Hey, let me tell you something too. With your, in your absence, engineer Chris and I have really been getting non.

17:05 Drew Oh, really?

17:06 Adam Yeah. No talking, but some knowing glances. We've shared some knowing glances, right? There goes another one.

17:12 Drew Monkfish kebabs, monkfish fact sheet. All right.

17:16 Adam Don't monkey with the monkfish.

17:17 Drew Oh, you're right. Wow.

17:20 Adam That's an ugly fish, right?

17:22 Drew Oh, yes.

17:23 It looks like those ones from deep, deep, deep in the sea.

17:26 Adam Yeah. You're eating that ugly thing.

17:28 Drew Who?

17:30 Adam So your, your sack is like the monkfish. I don't care how good looking the best looking one is or how ugly the ugliest looking one is. It's all a train wreck down there. Thank you.

17:40 Drew It does look kind of like a testicle.

17:43 Adam Well, that's not what I'm saying, Drew.

17:44 Drew Oh, oh, oh.

17:45 Adam What I'm saying is, is that they're all ugly.

17:48 Drew Yes.

17:49 Adam You with me?

17:50 Drew I'm with you, man. I'm with you.

17:51 Adam That does look, what about a little metaphor here? Come on, Drew. It does look like a testicle.

17:56 Drew Just kidding.

17:58 Adam Sorry. Angela?

17:59 Yeah.

18:00 Adam You're 19?

18:01 Caller Yeah, I'm 19.

18:03 Adam Five, eight? Five, eight?

18:05 Caller Five, nine.

18:06 Adam Five, nine.

18:07 Caller All right. Here's my situation. I have been with my boyfriend now for about a little over 10 months. He's the first and only guy I've ever had sex with. Now I don't remember quite in the beginning if it was this way or not, but like now it's like I have a big problem getting wet. Now I'm totally attracted to him, actually probably more so than I was in the beginning of the relationship. I want to know if that's physically possible, you know, if I could have a problem down there or is it just something about something else?

18:40 Drew Are you on medication?

18:42 Caller Birth control, that's about it.

18:44 Drew Is that new? Is the birth control new?

18:48 Caller No, I've been on it for about five months, six months now.

18:51 Drew When did the dryness start? When did the dryness start?

18:56 Caller Um, it's, it's, but I don't, like I said, I don't really recall if it was in the beginning or not. So I'm going to say maybe seven or eight months ago. I'm not sure.

19:08 Drew So let's say maybe five months ago. Are we good bet?

19:12 Caller Maybe, it could have, it could have.

19:13 Drew It's the pill.

19:15 Caller You think so?

19:16 Drew For sure.

19:17 Caller Is that the only explanation or is there, could there be something wrong with me?

19:21 Drew Well, it's such a common thing. The progesterone in the pill will do that. Are you on a combo pill?

19:25 Adam Go have the pill checked out.

19:27 Drew You like the guy you're roused by? I'm sure it's the pill.

19:29 Adam I got rid of her because I was really, I'm now studying people, Drew. And I realized they hear you fine about all the, all the stuff that's more complicated than the questions. But when you ask the questions, they say, huh, because they're stalling for time.

19:43 Drew Right. Also, if it's not what they want to hear.

19:46 Adam Yeah. Like you're talking about low overall and progesterone and all that stuff. And that's fine. They hear they're fine. Then you go, when did your dad leave? And they go, huh?

19:54 Drew Yeah.

19:55 Adam Right.

19:56 Drew Yeah.

19:56 Adam It's a time stall. It's a habit. I think people get into, buys them a little time. It's like, when did your dad rape you? Look at Anderson, boy. He's quick. All right. So go get the pill checked out because she was wet before. Now she's not. And the only thing different is the pill. And she's totally attracted to the guy, right?

20:16 Drew There you go.

20:19 Adam Oh, boy. Do we have to talk to a dude?

20:22 Drew No.

20:22 Adam Even over here is, he's 5'10. Let's talk, we're going by height, but I feel like Melanie, poor Melanie over here is never going to get tended to. So I'm going to go over to her. Melanie? You're five foot? I like a short gal. You do?

20:42 Caller I'm just saying. The pretty cute girls are cute.

20:44 Adam Yeah, they're nice. They're solid.

20:47 Caller My boyfriend's tall, so I don't see why he's complaining.

20:50 Adam Yeah, that's good. What's up?

20:52 Caller Okay, well, my problem is that I was with my boyfriend for two and a half years and we just recently broke up about six months ago. We have a one and a half year old daughter, so we kind of try to keep it cool for her, for her sake at least. And we've been kind of hanging out a lot. He had a drug problem before and he had, he had stopped having it. But then supposedly due to the problems of why we broke up, he got back to his habit again. And I had, I was abused as a kid and the guy was never locked up and he doesn't live that far away from me. So when I ran into him, he had, he's like, Whoa, whoa, whoa.

21:38 Adam Who abused you?

21:40 Caller My stepfather. It's actually a really messed up situation. Why? How he's my stepfather.

21:46 Adam Well, how is he your stepfather?

21:48 Caller Well, my mom was really stupid. I don't know why. She was, she was married to my dad and he had a stepbrother and she kind of messed around with him. And he's technically my uncle because him and my dad have the same mother.

22:04 They just don't have a stepfather.

22:06 Drew He's your mother, he's your uncle and your father?

22:08 Caller No, he's my uncle and my stepfather.

22:11 Adam Right.

22:11 Caller My mother, like she cheated on my father with his stepbrother.

22:16 Adam Well, your mother was abused.

22:18 Drew Yeah.

22:18 Adam I'm sure.

22:20 Caller She claims she wasn't, but I'm pretty sure she was because I don't see how something like that is possible.

22:24 Adam How's grandpa? How's her dad?

22:27 Caller From what I hear, her dad was great, but her mother gave her a stepfather and I guess he never really abused her sexually, but he kind of like came on to her, she said.

22:37 Drew Mother gave her a stepfather?

22:39 Caller Stepfather.

22:40 Adam 12th birthday. Some girls want a pony.

22:43 Caller When he abused me, that's her excuse. Well, I always tell my mom, you shouldn't judge me because I always tell my mom.

22:49 Adam Thank God you cranked out a kid.

22:51 Caller Yeah.

22:52 Adam Goofball.

22:53 Caller Yeah.

22:55 Adam Jesus Christ. What is the energy to keep the S-train rolling in F'd up families? What is that compulsion? You cannot have any more kids, Melanie.

23:08 Caller Yeah, I know. I mean, right now, my daughter is like my heart right now.

23:13 Adam Good. Thank God it's a girl.

23:15 Caller Thank God she's a girl, but the only thing that goes to my mind is...

23:17 Adam Well, not for her, but just for society...

23:20 Caller .doesn't ever suffer for what I ever went through.

23:22 Adam Oh, well, she already is. She don't have a dad.

23:25 Caller I mean, she has a dad.

23:30 Adam Drug addict dad who's around sometimes.

23:32 Drew That's not a dad who's there.

23:34 Adam She's already suffered. I mean, I'm sorry for yelling at you, but she has already suffered for what you've went through because you got victimized and then you hooked up with a guy who was essentially a bit of a victimizer. Now, you brought another little girl into the world and now she can thus become a victim, hopefully not to the extent that you were. It's all relative.

23:58 Caller What scares me right now, I think, the reason I really called was that I still see my stepfather. He kind of knew the situation that I had a really messed up boyfriend and his drug problem that he says, you need money for your daughter because I know he has a drug problem. And I was like, no, and he just kept dropping off checks because he knew where I lived. And I did use the money for my daughter. My boyfriend was still using the money for his drugs. And my point is that now he'll say, like, oh, well, you're probably sleeping with him for money. But then again, when he needs money, he'll be like, well, can you ask him to let you borrow some money?

24:37 Adam This is your, hold on, this is.

24:39 Drew You're sleeping with your stepfather?

24:41 Caller Yeah.

24:42 Adam Your, your boyfriend is accusing you of sleeping with your stepfather?

24:45 Caller Yeah, with him for money. And I was like, you know what? You've seen him.

24:48 Adam Quiet. Listen, listen to me. Your stepfather still married to your mother?

24:53 Caller They, they split up.

24:54 Adam Okay. How long did he, how long did he abuse you for?

24:58 Caller For a while, actually, when I was like 12. And I told my mother about it and she just, she, she knew, like, of course, your mom, your mom's a victim.

25:08 Adam Your mom's a victim who turned into a bad person and never got help.

25:12 Caller Yeah.

25:12 Adam Your mom's a good example of someone who gets victimized and never gets any help and then just becomes worse.

25:17 Caller And it happened to, like, I was, like, about 15 because that's when I, I went into high school and I talked to a counselor there and just kind of got...

25:26 Adam Oh, good. So, listen, Melanie. Here's the thing. You're remarkably well put together for someone who's been through what you've been through. Obviously, you've made a few mistakes along the way. So, let's just prioritize here. The guy, the father of your child, bad guy. That was a mistake.

25:45 Caller Mm-hmm.

25:45 Adam You don't need him in your...

25:46 Caller I mean, I don't really... I think that's where my fault... I think that's where I kind of, like, down myself. I don't really look at him as a bad guy because at one point he's...

25:54 Adam He's not a bad guy. He just does bad things. Repeatedly. Call it what you like. Yeah. Listen, the car's not a bad car. It just breaks down all the time. The car's a good car. It just doesn't run. That's a bad car. Do you know what I'm saying? I mean, I don't know. Yeah. Look into the guy's soul. Yeah. I guess you scratch under the skin of everybody. Oh, we're all God's creatures. No. In his heart of hearts, he means... Yeah. Everyone means, well, everyone's a great guy. We're all God's creatures. This guy accuses you of banging your stepdad who sexually abused you, says you're a whore for taking the money and is going to do drugs instead of take care of his kid who he's abandoned. He may be the world's greatest guy.

26:40 Drew Not behaving like one.

26:41 Adam And by the way, Mother Teresa could have been a C. Do you see what I'm saying? She could have been the world's worst person.

26:49 Drew But...

26:49 Adam How come no one makes that argument? How come no one defends great people? Oh, that Mother Teresa, bitch, horrible, black soul. Of course, you know why, you don't know when does it doesn't make sense. Right. How could it make sense? Someone who does all that good couldn't be a bad person. Someone who does all that bad couldn't be a good person. Thank you.

27:14 Drew Thank you.

27:15 Adam Thank you.

27:16 Drew Well said.

27:17 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be back.

27:27 As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it.

27:31 To find a testing location near you, call toll free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W. 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

27:50 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew is in Kansas City, Missouri.

27:59 Drew Yes, sir.

28:00 Adam Drew, do they call it Missouri over there?

28:02 Drew You know, I've been running around so much, I don't think I've heard the word Missouri since I rode here, arrived.

28:09 Adam All right, that was cool with the road. Now, when are you coming back, buddy boy?

28:14 Drew Tomorrow, dude.

28:15 Adam All right, Cap, we're looking forward to having you.

28:18 Drew I can't wait to see you.

28:21 Adam I'll be thinking about you tonight. Okay, I was just staring at monkfish during the year. I love an ugly fish, boy. I'll tell you what I love. I love an ugly fish in a fat cat. I like a fat dog, too. Like, I like it when a lab gets morbidly obese. There's nothing better than a blonde lab that's super fat. And the people are always like, yeah, we got to put them on a diet. I'm like, eh, let it ride. And they're like, well, yeah, but it's not good for them. So he dies at nine, you don't make it to 12. Meanwhile, you're enjoying a big fat dog the whole time. It's better. All right, Drew, I'm hearing an echo over there. Is that something you can correct?

29:10 Drew I don't know. Ask Chris or Anderson.

29:12 Adam All right.

29:14 Drew I don't know. Pretty much.

29:15 Adam Chris says no. And let's keep moving. Let's see. Let's talk to a dude. Alex over here, 6'1. So we'll talk to him. We're going by height again tonight. Height. And you have to be honest. And I can tell by talking to you how tall you are. Alex? You're 22?

29:36 Caller Yes, I'm 22.

29:37 Adam Yeah, what's up?

29:38 Caller I have a big theory about your, your dad, you know, about the huh? How about the grandma thing?

29:45 Adam The Mexican grandma?

29:46 Caller Yes.

29:47 Adam Yeah, it's not the huh, it's the who.

29:49 Caller Oh, yeah, the who. Okay. Whenever, whenever you call, his name's Robert, right? Or what's his name? Your friend? Who?

30:00 Adam Oswaldo?

30:04 Caller Well, okay. Whenever you ask, ask her, you know, the grandma, she's going to say who or who, whatever, you know, she's going to be pointing at Oswald or, you know, she's going to be pointing, you know, signaling he has a phone call, you know, he can, he can be like playing video games or eating or reading, whatever, you know.

30:23 Drew And so she's giving him a little beat, a little warning that something's coming.

30:26 Caller Yeah. Like pointing the finger, you know, saying somebody's calling you, you know, and I'll tell you that from experience. My mom still uses that whenever I get a call from like telemarketers or like people, you know.

30:38 Adam Oh, so you think it's a Hispanic way to give their youngins a heads up?

30:43 Caller Yeah.

30:44 Adam It doesn't exist in other cultures. See what I'm saying? Like you're saying we haven't caught on to this?

30:51 Caller Well, I'm guessing, yeah, because I'll tell you, my mom does it, does it still.

30:56 Adam Is she Hispanic?

30:57 Caller Mexican, yeah.

30:58 Adam Mexican, that's better. All right. I was just being polite.

31:03 Caller All right.

31:04 Adam So, see, I always thought it was a way of buying time, of stalling myself, but not pointing at the person, just like when our callers say, what, huh, what, huh? They just, they heard it the first time, just gives them a little extra time when you repeat the question. I mean, life would be easier that way. If you're playing Jeopardy and Alex Trebek asks you a question, it'd be nice just to say huh and have him say it again while you were thinking of the answer. I like the who part though. That was like, how many guys you know name as Waldo? All right, where are we going here, Drew? I'm going to pick the tallest chick. What do you think about that?

31:45 Drew Something new.

31:47 Adam Oh, come on, Drew. All right, let's talk to Krista who's five five. Krista? Kristan, sorry, you're 20. What's up?

31:58 Caller I've been hanging out dating, I guess you could say this guy for about maybe two months and we are sleeping with each other. But I want to know if I should continue this relationship that we have or don't have and see if I can get something out of it or if I'm just wasting my time.

32:16 Drew Getting something out of it.

32:16 Adam Drew, are you monkeying with that computer of yours?

32:19 Drew No, I just sat down in a chair where it sort of creaked.

32:22 Adam I hear keyboards.

32:23 Drew Not me. No, this is chair. I pulled onto this and I said, OK, take it easy.

32:28 Adam Take it easy now. Let's fix that echo. Unless you're looking up monkfish. So, Kristen, you guys are just sort of sex bodies.

32:36 Caller Kind of, but like we were the only people that we hang out with. Like he called me every single night. He called me. I don't call him.

32:44 Drew What do you want to get out of it?

32:46 Caller Well, I want a relationship, not right now, but hopefully to get one. And I just want to know, like, no, wait a minute. You want one now.

32:55 Drew You want one with this guy.

32:57 Adam Yeah.

32:57 Caller But if he's not ready for it, I'm not going to push him into it.

33:02 Adam Well, if he's not ready for it, you'll be hurt and disappointed.

33:06 Caller But like, what what should I look for if he wants to like?

33:09 Drew Well, when you say to him, when you say to him, I want to get get further on in this relationship, that's that's when he'll tell you what he feels.

33:17 Adam Well, how do you know you're not? How do you know you're not boyfriend and girlfriend?

33:20 Drew Now, maybe maybe he's ready to go.

33:23 Caller Well, I've talked to him about it and just it seems like from girlfriends he's had in the past that they've kind of just been like, like he works a lot and they don't understand that he doesn't have time. And I totally understand. But, you know, I'm not able to see him every single night.

33:38 Adam Well, wait a minute now. OK, hold on. How old is this guy?

33:42 Caller He's 19.

33:43 Adam He's 19. He's got a 20 year old. He calls every night. He has a lot of sex with. He doesn't want to.

33:50 Caller He works too much.

33:52 Adam What does he do? What does he do?

33:55 Caller He's in construction. He's like part of. He works for his dad.

33:59 Adam Yeah. He's up there on that roof slinging that hot mop with that tar on it. He's miserable. His brain flying up there.

34:08 Caller Can you say that's the low lowest of the low?

34:11 Adam Ironically, roofer lower than drywaller. You understand? Let me explain the lowest. The lowest is the hot mopper. That's the guy who tends to the liquid bucket of tar. All right. Like here, Drew, here's the beauty. You see those, those kettles. You see them, you see the one that, you know, you can't breathe, you're choking. It just sits at the bottom of the, it sits at the bottom of the structure there. And it's got that long sort of snorkel tube that goes up to the roof. And that, that kettle pumps up liquid tar. And it fills a bucket and it smells good bucket. And they literally put a mop, a regular mop into that bucket. And they hot mop, they tar mop the roof. And here's the thing, like, and this guy's in Washington, so he's probably okay. But imagine you're out in Chatsworth, you're out in the valley, it's the middle of the summer, it's 120 degrees, 120 degrees, 117 degrees, and you're standing on a flat roof in the middle of some industrial park. Okay, sounds bad, right? Here's the kicker, we're gonna start pumping up some liquefied tar, some tar that's about 220 degrees, and then you can just carry a bucket of that around. Is that like, did Beelzebub invent this job?

35:34 Drew But here's why I don't believe, wait, wait, wait, this is why I don't believe what this guy's saying. He's saying he's too busy to go out with this girl who's 19 or 20.

35:40 Adam He's full of crap.

35:41 Drew Because he's busy hot mopping? Come on, that's ridiculous.

35:44 Adam Here's the whole deal, and Drew talked about this many times, a guy, when a guy's in, and here's this thing, let's talk about this for a second, Drew. Can we talk?

35:56 Drew Well, when I, can we do it in front of everybody?

36:00 Adam Let's talk in front of everybody. Okay, guys, society believes there's many reasons why guys don't want to be in relationships. You know, I'm thinking about my career, I'm focusing on school, I just got out of a relationship, I just don't want to be tied down right now. All of that is out the window if a guy is head over heels for somebody.

36:25 Drew Yes.

36:26 Adam Now, there's a small percentage of guys that have serious trouble and difficulty with commitment. Even those guys, all they do is have a series of failed relationships in which they committed.

36:37 Drew Right.

36:39 Adam They've been divorced six times.

36:41 Drew That's different though than, commitment is different than marriage in guys' minds. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Guys can commit to a relationship with no intention to get married. Then the career and all that stuff does apply 100%.

36:55 Adam All right. So ladies, when you hear a guy say, I'm just not ready to have a girlfriend right now.

37:02 Drew He doesn't like you.

37:03 Adam I just got over another relationship.

37:05 Drew Here's what you hear. He doesn't like you.

37:08 Adam He likes you enough to F you.

37:11 Drew Have sex, yes.

37:11 Adam But not enough to actually legitimize the relationship and take you out. Of course. That's what it is. He likes you 65 to 70%. But that's about it. And I get the feeling that most of girls know that and they don't want to hear the answer.

37:29 Drew Yeah. And they also, they can't do that. So they really don't believe that that's what a guy is thinking. In other words, if they're having sex, they're having sort of an emotional experience. Very hard for them not to.

37:39 Adam Right.

37:39 Drew And so to have a guy just stay there and not eventually develop feelings, which some guys do eventually.

37:45 Adam Right.

37:45 Drew That's almost sort of like incomprehensible.

37:48 Adam I'll put it this way, 99% of guys could have sex within hours of a pet dying. Hours? Within minutes on the pet. Actually using the can to prop up the ass of whoever they were humping. Whereas women, average would be like two and a half days. Oh. If Snowball died. You know what I'm saying?

38:16 Drew Oh my God, it could be a lot longer.

38:18 Adam Well, it could be longer, but that was the average for a two and a half.

38:20 Drew Might be a violent crime though, Adam, if it were in the presence of the dead.

38:24 Adam All right, I'm not going to get into that. I know what Drew's looking for. We're going to take ourselves a little break. I'm going to go look for more Monkfish on the internet.

38:34 Drew Good times.

38:35 Adam We'll be back after this.

38:40 So get your problems ready.

38:48 Caller We'll be right back in a minute.

39:00 Loveline, with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla.

39:24 Adam Dr. Drew and Casey, Kansas City tonight, everybody.

39:29 Drew You know, I've been too busy to have a meal. I haven't had a meal, well, I guess I did in Denver today. But I just scrounged up, you know, the typical radio station dispensing snack machine. And they had like these salami sticks. I thought, oh, I've gone to absolute the lowest point to try to get something to eat.

39:47 They're so good.

39:48 Adam Oh, really? Oh my God, it's hard to f up salami. God knows people have tried over the years, but there's good salami, but even bad salami only gets so bad.

40:01 Drew And plus it's dried, it's petrified, it's good forever.

40:07 Adam Let's see. Next week, Sarah Rue, she's the star, the redheaded star from Less Than Perfect is coming in here. Bob Guinea, the star of The Bachelor, which I caught Monday night and seems like a good guy. Bruce Campbell, who is a, well, sort of a cult film star, although The Evil Dead, which is one of the movies he was in, which is one of the all time horror movie classics. Drew, of course you haven't seen it because I've seen that and we couldn't possibly have seen the same movie because then we could talk about it on the air. That's how I know the movies you haven't seen. Right. I've seen them. Right. But The Evil Dead, very, very good movie. Anderson, who did that? Who was it? Was it Scorsese?

40:52 It was Sam Raimi.

40:53 Adam Did Sam Raimi do the first Evil Dead?

40:56 Yeah, the first one, the second one and the third.

40:59 Adam Oh, who? Sam Raimi did the Army in Darkness too?

41:02 Sam Raimi, he's Spider-Man now.

41:04 Adam Right, but didn't somebody do the first Evil Dead? Didn't somebody write it?

41:10 Let me look, I'll look into it.

41:11 Adam There was like a Scorsese, not a Scorsese, but I don't know.

41:15 You thinking Oliver Stone, the Cone in the Loop of Eden?

41:17 Adam No, I don't think it was that. Look up the first Evil Dead there for me, buddy. Anyway, Bruce Campbell is the star of all these aforementioned movies, and I'm excited to meet him. Cheap Trick is coming in here next week, which is, again, does not get their due, that band. They were like a crossover band, they did rock, they did like New Wave, and they're all weird and good. So I'm looking forward to them. So good times for next week. Yes, Drew.

41:45 Drew A quick topic that I'm obviously obsessed about is my book, Cracked, and listen, no, listen, listen, and I'm so frustrated with the book buying public, buying just crap, and my book is good, and I want people to read it. Wait a minute, just stay with me for a second. Somebody today said, no, you didn't write it to enough for the masses, and I thought to myself, no, it's good, that should be enough. You know what I mean? They go, no, you gotta write something like Dr. Phil's diet book, that will sell lots of, I'm like, no, I want to write something good that will make difference for the lives.

42:16 Adam No, no. No, I'm trying to agree. I'm trying to agree. I just don't, I don't know when to say yes and when to say no. I say no, you say yes, you start talking about Phil, I say yes, and now you want me to say no again. I'm trying to be supportive, Drew. All right, so Dr. Phil, yes. I mean, no, no.

42:35 Drew My book, yes. Sign on the Amazon, sign on the damn book. Read it, it's important.

42:39 Adam It's important to Drew, everybody. Hey, poor Drew, he busts his hump in here every night. 10 years he did this show for free. Still be doing it for free if he hadn't met me. All right.

42:49 Drew Effectively.

42:54 Adam Let's see, we got Carly who's 5'3. We got Steven who's 5'10. Gets nauseous when he beats off. He's been on hold for 59 minutes. Let's talk to him. Steven? Yeah. You're 16?

43:09 Caller Yeah.

43:10 Adam What's up, you get nauseous when you jerk off?

43:13 Caller Yeah.

43:13 Adam You can't eat it, baby, dog.

43:15 Drew Do you have any other problems?

43:26 Caller Like when I'm having sex with someone, it's hard for me to actually come unless I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

43:33 Drew No, I mean, are you bipolar or you're on medication?

43:35 Caller No, I have diabetes.

43:37 Drew Diabetes, that's interesting. Has it been out of control?

43:46 Adam And do you actually vomit after you beat off?

43:51 Caller I have one.

43:52 Adam Oh, so Drew, if I vomited after I beat off, I'd be like 90 pounds.

43:57 Drew Yeah, you'd be like a bulimic.

44:00 Adam I would, be like Karen Carpenter.

44:04 Drew Do you think that nausea is emotionally based or it's some sort of biological reaction?

44:11 Adam Are you religious?

44:13 Caller Um, a little bit. I mean, to a certain extent.

44:17 Adam Not too much? What religion?

44:20 Caller Um, Christian.

44:21 Adam Alright, your parents, you love them? Anyone do anything weird to you? Any babysitters touch your ding-a-ling?

44:28 Caller Um, yeah.

44:30 Drew Oh, Adam, bingo.

44:34 Adam I'm smelling bogus now.

44:35 Drew Really?

44:37 Adam What happened?

44:40 Caller When I was nine, I was molested.

44:45 Adam By who?

44:46 Caller My brother.

44:47 Adam Your biological brother?

44:50 Caller Yeah. He's five years older than me.

44:55 Adam And did this happen more than once?

44:57 Caller Yeah.

44:58 Drew What happened to him? He was on a lot of drugs.

45:03 Adam Yeah. See, they can hear you.

45:04 Drew Yeah.

45:06 Adam Listen, Stephen, you got to get some therapy if what you say is true. I'm not sure that it is, but on the other hand, oh, you don't think it is because I'm right. Thank you. You just eat your salami. When you come into town, I'll give you a taste of my salami. How about that, Drew?

45:23 Drew I can't wait. Finally.

45:27 Adam Stephen, if you were molested, then this is the cause of your nausea with your masturbation, and you're going to have to get some therapy for it. Okay, maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

45:39 Drew Right, right.

45:40 Adam I don't know. Guys do go bogus, but they usually don't go bogus with the molestation and the brother. It's kind of weird. It's like talking about your mom's dad or something.

45:50 Drew Yeah, but if your brother is the one who puts you up to it or something, you know, you're sitting there goofing off with them.

45:55 Adam No. You can't believe that I may be right, Drew.

45:59 Drew Oh, yeah, you're always right.

46:01 Adam Thank you.

46:01 Drew All right.

46:01 Adam Let's talk to Melissa over here. She's the tallest of all the ladies at 5'3, believe it or not. Melissa? We're going by height tonight. And even though you come in at a poultry 5'3, still taller than any other gal on the board. Yeah. What's up?

46:37 Drew So you have some mid-cycle bleeding and that's commonly stimulated by intercourse. It's not an uncommon thing. It's more common when you're on the pill. You on the pill?

46:44 Adam Uh-uh. You on the pill, Melissa? Are you on the pill? Alright.

46:53 Drew Are people not hearing me tonight?

46:55 Adam Uh, Drew, people don't really listen when you talk.

46:57 Drew I guess not.

46:59 Adam Yeah. And when you're not, you know, sitting next to me, I'm, you know, I'm kind of like your listening muscle.

47:05 Drew Right. You're my, yeah.

47:07 Adam Here's the way we should do this show. It's like you should just write down stuff on a little slip of paper and slide it across the console to me. Like, mid-cycle bleeding and I'm like, uh, Melissa, you have mid-cycle bleeding and then the lancer, you know what I mean? Well, we'll come up with little things, like mid-cycle bleeding will just be MSB, okay? Or MCB, sorry about that. Alright, we'll uh, I'll tell you an interesting story about screwing that up. Drew and Casey, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:37 Caller Alright guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

47:39 Caller Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

47:43 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline.

47:45 Caller 877-889-DATE.

47:51 Caller Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

48:00 Loveline on 94.7 NRK is brought to you by Car Toys. That's Portland.

48:34 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Engineer Chris just said, while I was looking at Bruce Campbell, looking for the Evil Dead in Bruce Campbell's web page, he said, he kind of walked up to him, and he goes, you're on. And I said, you gotta tell me when I'm on, you know, a little before I'm on, and he goes, you got five seconds. And it turned out it was more like eight seconds. So you're off the hook yet. Yeah, you got five seconds. All right. Well, that's I'm going to take a leak, maybe number two, and then swing by the the vending machine and make make myself up a little Orville Redenbacher. You need anything? What are we down to now? Are we down to about four and a half seconds or where are we at?

49:30 Drew Speaking of The Sink of Your Duke again, did you figure out what your wife was calling about last night?

49:35 Adam My wife was calling because she didn't want to go on the air, but she wanted to tell you that she is she yelled at me.

49:47 Drew The other she doesn't like the funniest thing of all, but she yells, you know, I love the whole image of people going to see that she doesn't like me peeing in the sink.

49:58 Adam And I tell her that you first off, you knew what you're getting into with me and that's, you know, that's what I do. That's who I am. You know what I mean? It's like wanting me to change religions or start rooting for another football team.

50:13 Drew You know, stop being the same. How dare she? I'm outraged. Oh my God.

50:18 Adam So she said, she says she does a lot of complaining while I'm asleep often times. And then what I do is I yell things at her when I'm asleep that she finds entertaining later on, because I'm actually at my best when I'm asleep. I'm funnier than I am when I'm awake. People who listen to the show could tell you that. So she said, I don't know, she got up early in the morning and she went to the bathroom and she was disgusted or something. And she came out and she said, do you have to pee where I brush my teeth? And I yelled back, do you have to brush your teeth where I pee? And I don't know why she found that amusing. So now she tells everybody that story.

51:00 Drew Oh, that's very funny. How is it she knows you have peed there? Do you splat?

51:04 Adam I don't know.

51:05 Drew I don't know. I'll remind you that you gave me a whole crap load of grief for splashing onto the toilet seat one time. Did you splash onto the drain bore with your wife?

51:17 Adam They occasionally find a puke on the edge of the sink or something like that. Drew, ever since you told me that, well, there's two things. You told me that you're in a sterile. It's pow, game on with a whizzing in the sink.

51:32 Drew Yeah, but your sack's not sterile. That's what we have in the Amazon jungle.

51:38 Adam Yeah, I usually just, it's a Petri dish. I just set that right on the sink. I set mine on the edge.

51:44 Drew I knew they were, oh my God.

51:45 Adam It's good times. I'll move my toothbrush on occasion. I'll clean things up a little bit. I'm not that worried about it. I just not. No kidding. I never got sick about it. I eat stuff off the ground. People make way too much of that stuff. I don't know who's buying all these hand sterilizers and these sanitary wipes. And there seems to be a thing that's going on. I know we're getting away from the comedy of me urinating in my sink, but we're a little bit obsessed with germs and cleanliness. And there's other things we need to focus on, and this isn't one of them. And I think society or Madison Avenue has gotten everyone convinced that we're living in this environment that's just riddled with germs. And if we could clean them up, everyone would be healthier. I don't buy that crap. Too many people are taking antibiotics and using that antibacterial soap and all that nonsense. Please. I don't believe that stuff does anything. Just live your life, everybody. Pee in the sink, eat stuff off the floor. If something tastes bad, you get a piece of cheese that's got some mold on it, just scrape it off and eat it.

52:45 Drew Mold's no big deal.

52:47 Adam Yeah, mold's fine. Drew, as a doctor, is that stuff overdone?

52:51 Drew Well, probably in certain situations, but for the larger public health perspective, no, probably not.

52:58 Adam Well, but what about the stuff where it's like, this actually cleans and disinfects the air in your home?

53:04 Drew That's ridiculous.

53:05 Adam There'll be women walking around spraying stuff everywhere, all this household stuff, it's killing germs. Everything's killing germs.

53:13 Drew I think what you're getting at is that we respond to those things that massage our fantasy, rather than things we really need to respond to. Like right now, keeping mosquitoes the hell off of us so we don't get West Nile virus.

53:26 Adam Right. Yeah, here's what it is. We can't control everything and it drives us nuts, so we get obsessed with things like killing germs and wiping things down and sterilizing everything. Meanwhile, those people are sick more than anybody I know. They have mental conditions. All these people are allergic to everything and always claiming, always on antibiotics and always got something from somebody. BS. You're all weak-willed pussies, right, Drew?

53:54 Drew Well, good times. Here we go. More calls.

53:55 Adam All right. I'm trying to figure out now who's tallest.

53:59 Drew Well, just take some calls.

54:00 Adam No, I'm going by height tonight, Drew.

54:02 Drew I know you are.

54:04 Adam Oh, Bernardo. Bernardo is 5'9. But Michelle over here is 5'9. And that's a lady. We got to talk to her. Michelle?

54:14 Drew She trumps, yeah.

54:15 Talk to me.

54:16 Adam What's that?

54:17 Talking to me is better than Bernardo.

54:19 Adam All right. You're 22. What's up?

54:21 Caller I'm 22. I don't know if it's really a problem, but I can only climax during anal sex.

54:30 Adam Aren't you glad I talked to Michelle instead of Bernardo?

54:33 Drew Wow.

54:34 Caller Kind of a weird problem. I don't know. I don't know if it's normal. I don't know what's going on.

54:38 Drew Is it only that you can't masturbate? You can't know or is it nothing?

54:43 Caller No, it's only anal.

54:45 Drew So that's the only way.

54:45 Caller I masturbate and I just, nothing works. I had a boyfriend. What?

54:50 Drew How did you discover this?

54:52 Caller My new boyfriend that I've been with for a year and a half just tried anal sex. I have never had a vaginal climax. I don't know how you say that, but I've never been able to that way. And noticed that I was able to anal-y.

55:07 Drew Most women that have a climax during anal sex are multi-orgasmic already. They have it with anal, with genital intercourse, no problem.

55:15 Caller Really?

55:17 Adam I'm thinking about her poor boyfriend in one of those sort of help Mr. Wizard kind of situations where eight months ago, he's trying to talk her into anal and now that's all he gets. And he's like, help Mr. Wizard. I don't want to be a cornhole.

55:36 You know what I mean, Drew?

55:38 Adam Like I could see a guy really pushing for it, but it really, it would take a bad turn if your lady said, all right, that's it. That's what you want. That's all you're given now.

55:48 That's not all.

55:49 Caller You know, I still like to do, you know, that way, but I would, you know, every girl wants to climax.

55:55 Caller So sure.

55:56 Adam How many times a week do you go for the role?

55:59 Caller I'm going to say about three times a week.

56:04 Adam So that is a, that is, is it, is it true? You know what I'm saying for a guy? Is that kind of, I mean, that's a commitment, right?

56:11 Drew That's a challenge.

56:12 Adam Yeah. Let's just go climb that bandini mountain every time. All right. Another role for us.

56:19 Caller So it's, is it just, is there something that I should do?

56:24 Drew It's just another, you know, sort of a facet of the spectrum of sexual responsiveness in females. You know, we've thought we heard everything and now here's another, you know, just further to confuse men.

56:35 Adam That's just you. Do you, do you, I know it's fine. Does he wear a condom? Does he wear a condom? Yeah. You got to, you're wearing a, wearing a condom. Like you're putting on a latex glove before you reach down a disposal to clean something out, right? That's the reason you wear a condom when you're doing anal, not for protection.

56:57 Drew Well, it's, but it is also protection. It's stuff that goes back and forth. But what, what, how, what does she do when this relationship ends though, Adam? That's the more intriguing part.

57:05 Adam Interesting that you used to turn ends.

57:09 Drew Yeah, turn ends.

57:10 Caller I had, well, my previous boyfriend, he was just extremely too large to have anal sex.

57:16 Adam Oh, that's nice.

57:18 Drew So that sort of, yeah.

57:19 Caller It's kind of sad that he's smaller. So maybe I don't, I don't know.

57:24 Adam Make sure you make that point abundantly clear to your man.

57:28 Caller Oh, no, no, no.

57:29 Drew I hope he's listening. But wait a minute though, but that means she has to choose, should this relationship not work out, her next partner in a way the field expands, but it becomes more specific, more narrow.

57:40 Caller Yeah.

57:41 Drew Yeah. She can't just be with any guy now.

57:44 Caller No, I can't. That's great.

57:47 Adam Well, all right. You'll know whoever you're with, you'll know it's love.

57:53 Drew And the guys will be, think about the guy, they've hit pay dirt, the small penis guy.

58:00 Adam Pay dirt. Well, listen, let me tell you something. Small penis guys really have an advantage in the anal department, which is, I'm not going to mention any names, but I got a couple of buddies, they're too big downstairs and enjoy the back door. What are you doing? They've been able to work them into what would be one night stand experiences. Oh my God.

58:24 Drew Who are you talking about? Give me some initials.

58:29 Adam I don't want to get anyone into trouble.

58:31 Drew I was going to hear.

58:32 Adam How dare you?

58:33 Drew That is so funny.

58:35 Adam How dare you? The point is, it's less obtrusive and you're able to use it a little more often.

58:43 Drew It's you, isn't it Adam? You're able to sneak it in. It's you.

58:45 Adam No, I dare you. You know, that's not my way. But what about this, Drew? I mean, obviously, when we talk about this all the time, but the vagina was meant to be penetrated.

58:58 Drew And expand.

58:59 Adam Yes, and expand and all that. The anus, I don't know. It probably was never really meant to be a sexual orifice.

59:08 Drew Probably not, yes. It was meant for excrement. Probably not, yes.

59:13 Adam Well, I mean, the mouth wasn't really necessarily designed to have a penis put in it, but it seems to work fine. And there's some long-term problems, right?

59:21 Drew And yet the mouth is sort of meant to fluff and prep for the delivery, you know what I'm saying?

59:28 Adam Right.

59:29 Drew It's all about procreation in evolution.

59:32 Adam Right, so the anus is really out of the equation.

59:35 Drew Yeah.

59:36 Adam So, could, here's what I'm asking.

59:40 Drew If evolution goes forward.

59:41 Adam That's what I'm asking. That's what I'm asking. Oh, my God. I mean, your kid's kid's, Drew, you know, they could have huge, open, dilated anus. Just trash can size, ain't I?

59:56 Drew And the mouth and the vagina will become one.

59:59 Adam Yes, that'd be nice.

1:00:01 Drew Of course.

1:00:02 Adam Sure. It looked weird when they were chewing their food, but other than that, I think that would be fine. I think most guys would be okay with that. And so what will the woman of the future look like? So just huge anus and the mouth and the vagina have come on. So it's like, hey, you just belched up a kid. Be it something like that?

1:00:23 Drew Well, we haven't.

1:00:26 Adam I'm going to give some, I'm going to do a rendering. I'm going to do a couple sketches when you come by.

1:00:30 Drew Thank you. Thank you.

1:00:31 Adam Come by Sunday. I'll show you that.

1:00:33 Drew All right.

1:00:34 Adam Let's talk to Bernardo over here who's 5'9.

1:00:38 Drew Did we answer Michelle? Michelle, I guess we did, just told her she was okay.

1:00:40 Adam She likes anal sex. That's fine. It's just good times. Bernardo?

1:00:45 Caller Yay.

1:00:46 Adam Year 19?

1:00:49 Caller This one's for you, Adam. I have a question. I was wondering why your girlfriend, why women get mad when you look at other girls?

1:00:57 Adam Well, they do. Guys get mad when women look at other guys, don't they? It's just we don't notice that they're looking because we're not paying attention to them.

1:01:06 Caller See, I go to concerts a lot. I'm a big, insane clown posse fan. And there's girls that you wouldn't even believe.

1:01:14 Caller And everybody stares.

1:01:16 Caller Everybody stares. And I'm the only one that gets yelled at for it.

1:01:21 Drew Well, no, you're not. No, you're not. First of all. Secondly, it's not that you stare. It's how you stare. Because guys have a tracking device. Their eyes, they cannot help it, at least when they still have testosterone coursing in their veins, but you can do it in a way that doesn't hurt the feelings of your girlfriend.

1:01:38 Adam Other thing, too, is women realize that guys instinctually and fundamentally don't want to nest. And I think they believe it's their job to sort of keep their eye on this animal that's always. It's like if you have a dog that's always trying to get out of the yard, you have to keep an eye on him. You're sitting in the kitchen doing the dishes, you're looking out the window, you're keeping an eye. Where is he? Is the gate open? Did he tunnel under something? It's a constant vigil, they have to, a vigilance they have to have to keep guys from not straying. And I think that's kind of, if you think about it, Drew, think about, you know, how we always talk about how guys are sort of, really genetically not really built to stay with one person and that we have to sort of be broken a little bit, and that's fine. And that's good for us, fine. But women over the years, over the course of history, must have also had to evolve to break us.

1:02:39 Caller Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, absolutely.

1:02:41 Adam And to be more effective at doing that, right?

1:02:43 Drew Oh, yes, that's true. There is a biological anthropologist named Lionel Tiger who says that throughout human history women have tamed men, literally.

1:02:52 Adam Yeah, so maybe this is just part like sheep herding dogs or just seem to herd all the time, no matter what it is, if it's a flock of geese or a bunch of sheep, they go after them and put them in a circle. Maybe women over the years have been bred to do this.

1:03:06 Drew Yeah, of course.

1:03:08 Adam Thank you, Drew.

1:03:09 Drew Thank you. You know, our listeners need to go buy my book. I'm watching it drift on Amazon. It's 37 now. Come on, guys, show me some love, please.

1:03:17 Adam Drew, see, I told you I had that computer on, didn't I?

1:03:20 Drew I just put it on, yeah.

1:03:21 Adam You lied to my face. You lied to my face even though you're 2,000 miles away. What time is it in Kansas City?

1:03:29 Drew It's 1 14. Good times. I started, it's okay though, because I started at 3 a.m. Pacific time.

1:03:35 Adam Good times.

1:03:36 Drew Yeah.

1:03:36 Adam What time, what is it, two hours over there?

1:03:38 Drew Yeah.

1:03:40 Adam What is it, is it a couple thousand miles away, KC?

1:03:43 Drew Yeah. Sort of.

1:03:44 Adam 1800 miles?

1:03:45 Drew Straight down from, basically from Chicago.

1:03:47 Adam All right. Well, that's good times. All right, let's talk to Carly. I like that name.

1:03:52 Drew Carly?

1:03:53 Caller Yeah.

1:03:54 Adam You're 21.

1:03:55 Caller Yeah. I had a question. It's mainly for Dr. Drew. But I love you anyway, Adam. I just had a question about my boyfriend is a recovering heroin addict and he's on suboxone and he's been on it now for a month and he has no sex drive. So I was wondering if that's related to suboxone and also just going to ask your opinion of the drug.

1:04:15 Drew This is the buprenorphine, buprenax?

1:04:19 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:04:20 Drew Right? I hate it.

1:04:21 Caller You hate it? Why?

1:04:25 Drew Because it's just like a short acting methadone basically, it's just putting it back on another opiate. And he's got to come off drugs, all the opiates suppress sex drive and he's got to be opiate free. And it's nice that it creates an office based sort of option for detoxing people from heroin. But there's all this focus on detox as though that's the big thing in heroin. That's nothing. The problem with heroin addiction is the rehab, the treatment, the staying off opiates the rest of your life. And for that he needs to be in a highly structured environment for at least three to six months and focus on his recovery. So when he comes up, when he gets off this drug, he is going to have to work his ass off in recovery in order to stay sober.

1:05:05 Caller So would you recommend him staying on it right now and getting counseling, like heavy duty for money's off of it?

1:05:12 Drew He needs to be in a sober living, he needs to go to residential program, he needs to be somewhere highly structured, because when he comes off it, he is going to feel it, so he is going to feel awful.

1:05:19 Caller I think his plan is, the doctor that he saw at the clinic was saying to stay on it for a year to get him away from heroin and painkillers and stuff.

1:05:27 Drew Yeah, I know that's what they do. So what would be your recommendation? Follow doctor's recommendation there, that's my recommendation. We don't fully know all the impact of this drug, it looks like a nice option, but to think of it as the solution is a mistake. He's got to be in recovery because he'll just go back when he stops using it, he will.

1:05:48 Adam All right, now let's see, I'm going to give you a choice here, Drew. You want to speak to Lauren, who's 21, desires sex all the time, never satisfied. That's engineer Chris's favorite. How tall is she? She's 5'2. Then there's Angel, who's 5. I don't know that there's ever been an Angel over 5'3.5, by the way. 5 is considered rangy for an Angel. She's 20, married two months, been in many bad relationships, once out already. She's been in a hole for 60 minutes. We may talk to her, although Lauren, who's poor, Lauren's been in a hole for 88 minutes.

1:06:29 Drew She's 5'2.

1:06:30 Adam All right. All right. She's taller than Angel.

1:06:34 Drew That's right.

1:06:34 Adam You know, if they were playing basketball, she'd be a power forward and Angel would be a guard.

1:06:39 Drew Them's the rules.

1:06:41 Adam Lauren?

1:06:42 Caller Yeah. I'm actually 5'1.

1:06:47 Caller Still taller than Angel.

1:06:48 Drew All right.

1:06:50 Adam What's up, Lauren?

1:06:52 Caller Yeah. You said it. I just feel like I'm always sexually frustrated, even when I'm in a relationship. I never feel like I'm getting enough. And I heard you say the other night that like that's weird because like women's sexual peak is supposed to be in their, what, 30s, 40s?

1:07:06 Drew No, I didn't say it's weird. It says a couple of positive. Do you have orgasms?

1:07:11 Caller And sometimes I don't. Vaginal, though.

1:07:14 Drew Well, that's one possibility. The other is when people have been sexually abused, they always crave sex and they can never be satisfied. That's one of the sort of curses of that trauma.

1:07:23 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:07:24 Drew Did that happen to you?

1:07:25 Excuse me?

1:07:26 Drew Did that happen to you? Are you, any history of bipolar illness in the family? No.

1:07:33 Caller I mean, I self-mutilated for a while.

1:07:34 Drew I guess that's- And you were not sexually abused? Were you physically abused?

1:07:39 Caller What?

1:07:40 Drew Where was the abuse? What kind of abuse?

1:07:42 Caller My father was in prison for four times.

1:07:45 Drew For what?

1:07:46 Caller Different occasions.

1:07:48 Drew Did he do anything to you?

1:07:49 Caller Excuse me?

1:07:50 Drew Did he do anything to you? Did he do anything to you?

1:07:52 Caller I feel bad, but I mean, that doesn't count. I mean, does it?

1:07:55 Drew Not if you're not doing it every day. Did he do anything to you or one of his friends do anything to you?

1:07:59 Caller God, no.

1:08:01 Adam No, true. He was just in jail four times. Hey, Lauren, do you have a boyfriend?

1:08:05 Drew No.

1:08:06 Caller I mean, I just got out of like a pseudo relationship two weeks ago. Because I was in school and I'm taking a semester off, so. But I'm back home.

1:08:13 Adam Well, why did you get out of the relationship? Just because you moved?

1:08:16 Caller Well, yeah.

1:08:17 Caller He's in Connecticut.

1:08:18 Adam Oh, that's right. Yeah. I should have known that.

1:08:21 Caller Oh, sorry.

1:08:23 Adam Are you with? Were you interested in the guy?

1:08:26 Caller Yeah. I mean, well.

1:08:37 Adam No. Yeah.

1:08:39 Drew But no, not really.

1:08:40 Caller No, not really.

1:08:43 Adam Lauren's been through a lot.

1:08:44 Drew Yeah.

1:08:45 Adam I mean, with her horrible incarcerated dad. Yes.

1:08:48 Drew Yeah. Well, not really. Well, yeah. No.

1:08:52 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Okay. She's been, she's all over the map. So, how about, how about you? So, how about, Lauren, how about a little therapy? How about you read Drew's book? Crap.

1:09:01 Caller Why does that need therapy?

1:09:03 Caller Like, I'm not like upset about it. I'm like, I'm frustrated, but I'm not...

1:09:06 Drew Well, don't worry about it. But the fact that you have had a very seriously chaotic and traumatizing family system will make it difficult for you to have meaningful intimate relationships. It may make you look for things like sex or drugs as a way of regulating and may have managing your feelings. And you'll see. If it does, then you need help.

1:09:26 Adam All right. Listen, go to the shrink, goofball. You got screwed up. Can you do that?

1:09:32 Drew All right.

1:09:32 Adam Jesus Christ, everybody. I'm over everything. I don't have to go to anywhere. I don't need that rent-a-friend. Yes, you do. You all need it. Go talk to them. Go work something out. Start jogging and listening to classical music.

1:09:49 Drew Yeah. Or you can read. I do get into this in more detail in my book. And it does. Her name was Geraldine.

1:09:55 Adam Geraldine. Geraldine.

1:09:56 Geraldine.

1:09:57 Drew Geraldine. Well, maybe I can send her a book.

1:09:59 Adam Really?

1:10:00 Drew Yes. We now have books. Is Lauren there?

1:10:04 Adam Yeah, Lauren's here.

1:10:05 Drew Okay. But is Junior Junior Junior Lauren there also?

1:10:09 Adam Junior Lauren? No. Junior Producer Lauren?

1:10:14 Drew Okay. Lauren, we're going to take your phone and your address and I'm going to send you a copy of my book, okay? Because it goes into great detail of stories about people who have been traumatized and what they need.

1:10:25 Adam I'll tell you what people need. You need to take some walks, do some exercise, listen to classical music.

1:10:30 Drew That's for the mood though. That's for mood, but for getting over these sorts of interpersonal issues, it takes a lot more.

1:10:36 Adam Look, here's the problem. You got to do a little work, especially if your dad was in the jug. You know what I'm saying? All right. We're going to take a little break, Drew. I want you to really think about your attitude during the break, all right?

1:10:49 Drew I've had a bad attitude, dude?

1:10:50 Adam No, your attitude has been fine, but I want you to think about it.

1:10:53 Drew Okay. I will think about it. Yes, sir.

1:10:55 Adam All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be back.

1:11:00 Loveline. Loveline.

1:11:03 Caller Loveline. Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom, the most trusted for over 80 years. Loveline.

1:11:12 Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla, 94.7 NRK.

1:11:27 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191.

1:11:33 Drew Hey, Adam, I was listening to the public service announcements, and there was one on the President's Council on Physical Fitness. They still subject kids to that. They eat that. Public humiliation. Who can do pull-ups? Who can do sit-ups? Who can do push-ups? Before the musculature in the body is developed to be able to handle that. And the kids that can do eight pull-ups end up not being the athletes later in life anyway. You ever notice that? And there's all this stuff about, oh, should we be detecting obesity in kids? Might make them embarrassed. Might humiliate them. And yet they subject them yearly to public humiliation. Obviously, the overweight kids get singled out in front of their peers.

1:12:13 Adam Yeah, well, here's the thing. And it does start- And what does it assess?

1:12:17 Drew Nothing, right?

1:12:19 Adam It does start early, which is when you're a kid, you take a random group of nine, ten-year-old boys, a small percentage of them, or one or two of them, will be able to do 15 chin-ups. And then there'll be a percentage of guys who can't do it. And it really has nothing to do with anything.

1:12:40 Drew But then there's the overweight kid-

1:12:40 Adam Other than that's how they are.

1:12:41 Drew That can't even hang there.

1:12:42 Adam Oh yeah, they may be a little fatty kid. Yeah, he deserves to be made fun of. You know, but when I played Pop Warner football, I think my first year, like when I was eight years old, I remember the coach, maybe I was nine, maybe it was my second year. I think I started when I was eight, second year. Coach brought in a barbell. And he started packing it on with weights. And he said, I'm going to find out who the strongest kid here is. And who can lift it over their head. They just kept doing it. You know who that kid was, Drew?

1:13:16 Drew Ace Corolla.

1:13:18 Adam That's right.

1:13:18 Drew Whatever.

1:13:19 Adam That's right. But then then puberty kicked in. And forget about it. Everyone else got stronger than me.

1:13:26 Drew Then Chris became superhuman.

1:13:28 Adam What's it mean? It doesn't mean anything.

1:13:31 Drew Forget that other PSA.

1:13:32 Have you heard the new one that I've been playing?

1:13:34 Adam No, I haven't heard it.

1:13:36 Caller I got to play.

1:13:37 Drew You guys got to hear this. It's great.

1:13:38 Adam All right. May I help you?

1:13:42 Caller Hello, can I ask you a few questions about the apartment you have on Park Street? My name is Juan Hernandez.

1:13:48 Caller Oh, he's gone?

1:13:51 Drew Hello, my name is Sanjay Kumar.

1:13:52 Caller I'm calling about the apartment on Park Street.

1:13:55 Caller It's not available, but I just now saw it in the paper.

1:14:01 My name is Tyrone Washington. I'm calling about a place to rent on Park Street. It's not available now.

1:14:11 Caller Hello, my name is Graham Wellington. I'm calling about the apartment for rent on Park Street. Is that still available?

1:14:16 Yes. Oh it is? Yeah.

1:14:18 Caller Oh really?

1:14:19 Caller I'd love to make an appointment.

1:14:20 Caller Housing discrimination is illegal. If you think you've been a victim because of your race, color, national origin, sex, religion, disability or family status, call 800-669-9777 or visit fairhousinglaw.org. Fair housing, it's not an option. It's the law.

1:14:36 Adam Hello there, my name be Tyroneous. I be's wantin to rinse your apoptimismis. Oh yeah. Oh I know, everyone's being discriminated against, Drew. It's a horrible, horrible society we live in. It is horrible. I just, I like it, I like it, I love that message, by the way, that constantly just gets rammed up everyone's ass, which is we live in this horribly discriminating society. You want, you want discriminating, go travel around the world. You go see the warring tribes. Go check out the Asians. See how they treat their fellow Asians. There's, I'll show you discrimination, please. And every year with, you know, Martin Luther King's birthday, it's always like, well, we've made some progress, but there's a long way to go, a long way to go. Really? What's going on? Where's the discrimination? Show it to me. Please, everyone, get past it. Move on. Start a life. Stop worrying about what group you're in. Take care of your kids. Take care of yourself. That's fine. Tired of this. I'm tired of the pussy white man just staring at his feet all the time, feeling horrible. You know? Oh, we did all these horrible things. I didn't do squat. Neither did anyone I know. So let's move forward. Hello, I'm Lucius. I've said it many times. Listen, I have a, I got a bunch of nephews that, who are half German. Their dad's Germany, comes from Germany. They responsible for the Holocaust? Of course not. Should they sit home and should they get battered by it every other day about what Nazi sympathizers they are and how they're responsible for all the Jews deaths? Of course not. It's ludicrous. They had nothing to do with it. It's the same way as 99% of white America. Let's just move past this, can't we? Easy for me to say. I'm just a white guy. Get everything dropped in my lap. Yeah. Yeah. Like when I signed up to be a fireman and it took me five years to take the test. It took everyone else six months to take because I'm a white male. Oh, I don't know what it's like to be discriminated. Sure I do. Of course I do. Please. I have nappy hair and big front teeth. That's discrimination. Yes, Drew?

1:16:54 Drew Yes.

1:16:54 Adam I'll tell you, discrimination, fat chicks and guys with hair on their back, that's discrimination. Thank you. Let's just get past this and quit pretending. And listen, government, stop spending all the money trying to figure out, trying to uncover the genie of discrimination. It doesn't exist. I'm not saying that there aren't a-holes out there, and I'm not saying there's not races out there. They're out there. They're out there on all sides. But are groups being held down because of some other group? No. Groups that are being held down are doing it to themselves. Let's get past this and move on. Yes, Drew?

1:17:31 Drew Let's move on.

1:17:32 Adam Yes. Oh, see, Drew never wants to say a word because you can't say anything because you're racist if you point it out. Please.

1:17:40 Drew I'm just saying let's move on.

1:17:41 Adam Oh, shut up, Drew. You're such a puss. You never say less than when I bring this up. And you know exactly what I'm saying. Racism in 2003 is not a problem. And that's not a racist remark. There are groups that do well and there are groups that don't do as well and that's because of what they put in. All right?

1:18:04 Drew Well, there's a slight, there's a slight variation.

1:18:08 Adam Did they have an Asian guy on that, on that, as an example of that?

1:18:12 Drew No, but as a result of-

1:18:14 Adam How come no Asian guy?

1:18:15 Drew But as a result of what-

1:18:16 Adam How come no Asian guy on that, on that PSA?

1:18:21 Drew Why?

1:18:22 Adam Because the Asians are doing good. Why? Because we don't, we let them off the hook? Oh yeah, Asians, let them go. Let's focus on the blacks, the Jews, the Mexicans. Let's focus on everyone. The Asians, you'd be okay. No, we don't like anybody. But the Asians work hard, they band together and they do fine. That's why they're doing fine. Thank you. Shouldn't they have an Asian represented in that commercial, Drew?

1:18:47 Drew Yes.

1:18:48 Adam Why do you think he wasn't there?

1:18:49 Drew Let me make my point that I was going to make, which was that there is things that have happened in the history of this country that take generations to wash out.

1:18:59 Adam The good. We're done. Let's move on. All right. Yeah, I'm not saying any of that stuff is right. I'm just saying nobody was here when that went on. My wife wasn't here. I wasn't here. My family wasn't here. My nephews weren't here. No one I know was even here during those times. All right? Thank you. Let's talk to... But why no Asians or Jews in that? Don't we discriminate against Asians and Jews, Drew?

1:19:28 Drew Yeah.

1:19:29 Adam How come they weren't represented in that PSA? Because they're doing good.

1:19:33 Drew Thank you. Also, because we can't characterize them mean spiritedly on the telephone. What?

1:19:40 Adam What do you mean? I can. You just get a guy sounds like a Hasidic Jew, like a rabbi on the other. You don't think we could do that? You don't think we could do Asians? Asians make fun of more than anybody as far as the voice go. Right. All right.

1:19:57 Caller Yeah. Nick?

1:19:59 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Who was in that group, by the way, Drew? Black, Mexican, Indian, Indian or Middle Eastern, I think, is what they were going for, right? Drew?

1:20:14 Drew Yeah, I thought it was Indian, but yeah, I'm not trying to get the other ones.

1:20:16 Adam It was, but I think they were trying to go for the sort of middle. I think they were steering toward the Middle Eastern. Nick?

1:20:24 Yeah.

1:20:25 Adam You're 23?

1:20:26 Caller Yes, I am.

1:20:27 Adam What's up?

1:20:28 Caller Well, I'm having trouble meeting the ladies. I go about six foot and I hover between 250 and 260 pounds. Yeah.

1:20:37 Adam That ain't hovering. That's firmly planted between 250 and 260.

1:20:45 Caller I mean, I go out, you know, I have a couple buddies that I go out like to bars and stuff with, but...

1:20:50 Adam You can't get laid.

1:20:52 Caller Yeah.

1:20:53 Adam Yeah. Because you're a big guy and you're discriminated against.

1:20:56 Caller I agree 100 percent.

1:20:57 Adam But fat guys have it the worst.

1:21:00 Caller Tell me about it.

1:21:01 Adam I know. But, no, but people aren't sympathetic to your plight because they think you brought it on yourself and you quite possibly could have.

1:21:08 Caller Oh, I definitely could have. I definitely had a hand in it myself. But I mean, my mom was kind of big. My dad was kind of big.

1:21:15 Adam Yeah. You're going to be kind of, you're going to be kind of big too.

1:21:18 Caller Yeah. So, I mean, I'm sure I got some of the genes, but...

1:21:21 Adam All right. So, here's what you got to do. You got to just be in the best shape, whatever shape you're in will let you. And I guess what I'm saying is, is...

1:21:30 Drew Loosen my...

1:21:31 Adam Yeah. You may never be 190, but you may be 228.

1:21:36 Caller I see what you're saying.

1:21:38 Adam Now, what do you think?

1:21:39 Caller I mean...

1:21:39 Adam You have to just exercise and do a little dieting.

1:21:41 Caller Yeah.

1:21:44 Drew That's for your health anyway.

1:21:46 Adam And also, Nick, there may be a personality problem as well.

1:21:50 Caller That has a hand in it, too, because I was always real shy. And I'm never that outgoing with the ladies either.

1:21:57 Adam Yeah. Well, look, it's difficult. And, look, as a 23-year-old guy, I don't know what you're doing right now, but sometimes 23-year-old guys aren't exactly hot commodities on the open chick market. What do you... Are you working?

1:22:11 Caller Oh, yeah. I work full-time. What do you do? I dispatch tow trucks for AAA.

1:22:16 Adam Oh, yeah. That gets chicks wet. I hear about that, it's like, do you get to talk on a CB? Uh, yes, I do. To the actual tow trucks?

1:22:27 Caller Uh-huh. Well, you know, that kind of sucks, too, because whenever they ask me what I do, they always tell me their complaints about their nightmares about having their cars towed.

1:22:41 Adam Right. So, right off the bat, I'm like, well, I'm not sure...

1:22:45 Drew It is horrible what you do.

1:22:45 Adam Yeah. Why don't you dispatch them for Triple A? Right? I mean, isn't he saving lives, you know, people broken down by the side of the road?

1:22:56 Drew Night in white and shining armor.

1:22:58 Adam Night in shining armor? All right. Anyway, boy, start talking about race. Drew clamps right up. This would be a good way to get you to shut up. All right. Listen, and Drew, here's the problem, too. It just ends up sounding like weird dead air, and then it sounds like it's like uncomfortable and strange. At least just chime in or something, even if you're too big a wuss to talk about it. You can at least go like, uh-huh, or touche, or here, here, or something like that. You know what I'm saying? All right. All right. Thank you. We're going to take ourselves a little break. Nick's got to lose the weight, and being a dispatch for a tow truck company is probably not what you call a P-gig. You know what I'm saying? You got to focus. Guys, focus on your career. Focus on making some money. Focus on getting ahead in life. The women will come, all right? We'll be right back. That's Dr. Drew. Oh, I forget about that phone number. Mm-hmm. Uh, engineer, on-site engineer Chris over here. What do you think his nationality is?

1:24:34 Drew Mexican?

1:24:36 Adam This seems where the smart money seems to be there, but I don't know. It's, it's, he's, he got some of that in him, but I, it's, uh, I'm not reading it. Lebanese? No, no, now he's pissed.

1:24:48 Drew Armenian?

1:24:49 Adam Oh, he, now, he's throwing punches in the air now, Drew.

1:24:52 Drew Hispanic, yeah.

1:24:53 Adam Yes, Hispanic, Drew. I told you.

1:24:56 Drew I thought you were leading me off the trail there.

1:24:58 Adam Chris is a, not a good Hispanic name. It's very confusing. Last name Perez?

1:25:03 Drew Yes.

1:25:05 Adam Christopher? All right, all right, all right, Perez. All right, uh, Drew, where are we?

1:25:16 Drew You got the computer.

1:25:18 Adam Yeah, I do. I'm gonna go by who's been on hold the longest, all right? And that's definitely Angel. Speaking of Hispanic, there's a good Hispanic name. Angel?

1:25:28 Caller Yes.

1:25:29 Adam You Hispanic?

1:25:30 Caller Yes, I am.

1:25:31 Adam All righty, what's up?

1:25:33 Caller Okay, I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous for starting recalling.

1:25:36 Adam That's all right.

1:25:38 Caller Okay, I've been with this guy, I've been with my husband now for a year. Um, we've been only married for the last two months. Um, when I got together with him, I was, you know, I loved him, I still do love him. But it's like, our time's progressing. It's like, I don't know if it's just I'm hitting that one, you know, it's like we'll hit that one year mark and it's because I have a really bad track with relationships.

1:26:05 Drew Why?

1:26:06 Caller Um, I don't know. I've, when I was, when I was, uh, still in my addiction, I was, what was your drug of choice?

1:26:16 Adam Oh, you see Angel is the number one name for meth addicts. Like you should be able to sue your parents if they call you Angel and sue them for your addiction or prostitution or whatever it is. Oh, oh, male, yeah.

1:26:28 Drew Yeah. Um, so how's your recovery going?

1:26:33 Caller I've been, I'll be clean now.

1:26:35 Caller I'm 29 for four years. Four years.

1:26:38 Drew And how old's your husband?

1:26:40 Caller 22.

1:26:41 Drew Why'd you get married so young?

1:26:43 Caller I have a son. I guess a lot of it was the whole reason that I actually jumped into the marriage was because I have a son. His father and I broke up when he was two weeks old. I was in another relationship. We broke up and then I just decided that my son was not going to have men coming into his life.

1:27:10 Drew Alright, well here's what you need to do. You need to commit yourself to this relationship. It's probably getting boring and uncomfortable, right? Because it's actually becoming intimate. And that's horrifying to you.

1:27:21 Caller Well, the thing is, it's like I've cheated on him twice.

1:27:28 Adam You've only been married for two months, right?

1:27:31 Caller We've been together for a year.

1:27:33 Adam Well, it's been a whole twelve months you've been together, alright.

1:27:36 Caller What did you cheat on him with? And it's just, it's like, I'm starting... Some days I wake up and I'm completely in love with them and I, you know, another day I'm thinking, what it would be like to be single.

1:27:49 Adam Well, you kind of found out what it was like to be single by humping a couple of guys.

1:27:54 Drew He's a nice guy, this guy.

1:27:55 Caller I've actually never been single for more than a month or two.

1:27:58 Adam Yeah, well, look, here, let me tell you something. If you go from guy to guy to guy or girl to girl to girl to girl and you say, I've never been single, that's being single. You're just moving from one partner to the next banging the bejesus out of them. Here's what it's like to be single. You have a whole series of relationships, God willing. You know what I mean? You, on top of a new guy every six weeks is being single. So you know what it's like to be single. Okay, but listen, let me just work things out. Is your husband a good guy? All right, but a little lazy, you're just building a case. He's a good guy. You can't handle the intimacy, just like Drew said, and you're starting to get weird. I don't, okay. First off, no more kids. You should not be a mother.

1:28:52 Drew What are you doing to prevent that?

1:28:56 Adam Good, good girl. Gonna send you out a windbreaker. Okay, so no more kids. And then number two, you can't focus on what you want to do. You gotta focus on this kid.

1:29:06 Caller Yep.

1:29:06 Adam You got a kid. And you have to not follow your impulses. Because let me tell you about your impulses. They're horrible.

1:29:13 Caller They're bad.

1:29:13 Adam Your impulses turned you into a meth addict. Your impulse got you pregnant as a teenager. Your impulses got you hooked up with abusive guys. You have horrible impulses. And your impulses make you cheat. So if you have an idea, ignore it.

1:29:28 Drew It's a bad one. That's right. You have an addicted brain. It's a diseased brain. And so the things that are attractive to you, the things that you're driven to do, are part of the disease. And you cannot rely on your brain to make decisions. You've got to check everything out with your sponsor.

1:29:40 Adam All right. Get back into the program. Get with the sponsor. Don't break up with this guy. And stop cheating. And don't tell him you cheated. That'll just end up breaking you guys up, which is what you want. And you'll win on a technicality.

1:29:51 Drew Of course.

1:29:52 Adam And listen, everybody. All you people out there who have horrible ideas, stop listening to yourself.

1:30:00 Drew Yeah.

1:30:03 Adam And look, a lot of you have horrible ideas for songs. Don't make them. A lot of you have horrible ideas architecturally. Do not execute them.

1:30:12 Drew You know what I'm saying? Yeah, who's learned that whenever he has an idea, he does the opposite.

1:30:17 Adam That's right. That was a great day in the Carolla history when I explained this to my family. What do you attribute your success to, son? You guys. I do the opposite of whatever you guys would have done.

1:30:33 Drew Did you actually say that?

1:30:34 Adam I did tell them that.

1:30:36 Drew How was that received?

1:30:38 Adam I still think they felt like almost like a batter that gets hit and walks in the winning run. It still kind of feels like a hero. You know what I mean?

1:30:49 Drew That is too funny.

1:30:51 Adam I did explain to my family that I use them as a negative template. I think I have given it to my mom and to my dad.

1:31:00 Drew Both separately?

1:31:01 Adam Yeah. Whatever you guys, I just think what, you know, I did not nail it home, but it was the general gist was, I think, what would you guys do when I do the opposite? Well, Drew, you cannot argue with the results.

1:31:15 Drew Well, it is luck anyway. It is who you know, Adam. We found that out a couple days ago with Lauren. It is who you know. It is luck. What else did she say?

1:31:26 Adam I mean, my mom lives in the house that her mom lets her squat for about the last 50 years.

1:31:35 Drew She is waiting for her luck to change.

1:31:37 Adam That is right. And my dad lives in a house that his second wife's mom basically bought for him. So, their plan, not a great plan, whatever that plan may have been. Not going to hold it against him, but I'm going to use it to my advantage. You see that, Drew? Yes. I'm turning lemons in the lemonade. That's what I do. And by the way, feel free, everyone, whether it's your own family or friends, find the F-Ups, find who's not having success and go ahead and do the opposite of that. Just like, you know, we always do this in life where they go, we need positive role models, look around, find people that are successful, talk to those people. Yeah, okay, that's fine, but sometimes people don't have successful people around them. They have people that are F-Ups around them. Look at those people and do the opposite. It's the same as doing what a successful person would do.

1:32:32 Drew And if you're an F-Up, do the opposite of what your impulses do.

1:32:35 Adam That's right. That's why we're geniuses, Drew. All right. Let's talk to, go for on hold, second least here and let's talk to Michael. Michael?

1:32:47 Caller Yeah.

1:32:49 Adam I hate Michael already. You're 15?

1:32:52 Caller Yeah.

1:32:52 Adam What's up?

1:32:55 Caller My girlfriend, we've been sexually active for about, I don't know, like three weeks now. And I brought the idea of a threesome with her. And she seemed like she was into it at first. And I asked her, she wanted to bring one of her friends. And I told her it was a girl that I had in mind. And after she found out about who it was, she was reluctant to do it. But the girl...

1:33:18 Adam Is that a friend of hers?

1:33:20 Caller No, it's a friend of mine.

1:33:21 Drew You know what? I think it's like being bumrushed, you know what I mean? She's probably like thinking, oh, we're finding... And then he springs this... And she's like, oh, that sounds cool. And then he's on to it. I've got this one lined up and blah, blah. She's shocked, probably.

1:33:35 Adam Yeah, it's like being bumrushed if you replace the B with a C. Yes. You've only been sleeping with her for a couple of weeks. You're going to try this one on for size. Aren't you scared you're going to offend her? Maybe she'd break up with you?

1:33:51 Caller She's kind of into it.

1:33:52 Drew Do you not care? You don't care?

1:33:56 Caller She's into it. She doesn't seem like she's being too offended by it.

1:33:59 Drew Well, I think because you...

1:34:01 Adam But you said she's not into it. You said you brought up the girl and she's not into it.

1:34:06 Caller Well, yeah. It's only because when she saw her, she knew she had an asshole the size of a mason jar. Whatever.

1:34:13 Adam Hey, remember I said I hated Chris? One syllable into his call?

1:34:18 Drew Yes, yes.

1:34:19 Caller Remember that?

1:34:20 Drew Yes.

1:34:20 Adam Instinct's never wrong about that, are they?

1:34:22 Drew No, no.

1:34:23 Adam All right. See you in Hill, Michael. He didn't deliver that.

1:34:27 Drew He didn't even deliver it in a gratifying way.

1:34:30 Adam It was okay. I take solace in knowing he was on hold for 40 minutes. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:34:37 Caller Here it is.

1:34:38 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:34:40 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects. Call the Dateline.

1:34:44 Caller 1-877-889-DATE.

1:34:51 Caller Love Line will be right back.

1:34:52 Caller So get your problems ready.

1:34:54 Caller Ready.

1:35:31 Adam I want to thank phone screener Tara, don't call me Tara, god damn it, for doing a job all week long.

1:35:38 Drew I don't know if she heard how you abused her last night.

1:35:41 Adam Well, she wasn't here, ironically. I want to thank phone screener Brian for doing a fantastic job all week long. I want to thank producer Anne for booking the big names. Not so much for this week, but next week, we got some people that not only are good guests, but I'm actually interested in speaking to them, which is a real change of pace. I want to thank junior, producer Lauren for explaining to us how radio works. I'm never going to forget that. I want to thank engineer Chris for doing a fantastic job over here and learning to nod and smile when I tell jokes. And of course, the magic fingered one, engineer Anderson, the Liberace of the Potentiometers. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo. Oh, that Mother Teresa bitch.

1:36:38 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, September 25, 2003