Episode 1000571051308

0:54 Voiceover Love Line may contain sexually oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

2:32 Drew Well, you'd be pissed too if you could see what the world was doing to, okay. That's the reality is they're pissed because somebody beat the crap out of them, and then again, they're gonna find people to do that to them in real life.

2:43 Adam Right. I had another one of my favorite things, which is, here, anyone who listens to the show, know I like to drive, I like to keep a certain momentum when I drive.

2:54 Drew And 85 miles an hour to be exact.

2:56 Adam Well, yeah, I live up in a canyon, and I've done a little research. If I get trapped behind someone who's not moving to a good down that canyon, wow, it is a big difference in time from the top of the canyon to the bottom of the canyon. And tonight, I got behind some guy who was in a truck, and he was going 17, 18 miles an hour, and he was hitting the brakes a lot, and it kind of looked like he was looking for an address or something. So when the intersection opened up at the stop sign, big three-way sort of intersection, I just slid right past him and hauled ass down the hill. Well then, naturally and ironically, I see now I'm seeing his headlights. It's like dual. I'm seeing his headlights right on me, and I'm doing like 42, 43 miles an hour. So the guy who was going 16, 17 miles an hour is now on me. And I know what he's thinking. He's thinking is, oh, you want to go? You want to go? And I'm thinking the same thing when I'm behind him, but in a little, with a different inflection, which is I want to go, not you want to go? No, I'd like to go.

3:58 Drew Yes, I would.

3:59 Adam Yes, I'd like to go to work. That's right. I don't want to go. I want to go. You understand? And listen, everybody, nothing personal. It's just, it's like nothing personal. If you're walking down the sidewalk, you do a little window shopping. And you know, you're, let's say you just, you're in Manhattan. You're out front FAO Schwartz. You're just strolling around. You're looking at a window. But there's a guy behind you. He's going to work. He's running late. He's got a meeting. He's just going to go, he's going to hustle past you, right?

4:30 Drew So this guy stayed in your ass the whole time?

4:31 Adam No, he rode my ass for a while. And then when we came to the stop sign, he came right up on me and then whipped around and blew through the stop sign and blew right in front of me again. Yeah, hey, you want to go? Yeah, I want to go. I just thought, is there a point that you're proving when you drive 11 miles an hour and someone goes around you? And I'm not honking horns or swerving or anything. I do it. I'm a church mouse. I just slide right around.

5:01 Drew Does something that gets them ahead without slowing you down or even breaking your stride in any way. What do you care?

5:08 What do you care?

5:09 Adam I don't know. Did I shame you into letting you know you were driving sub 20 mile an hour speeds? I'm just going to work, buddy. And listen, if you were going at an acceptable speed, I'd be behind you all the way cheering you on. All right, good times. All right, Drew, what do we want to talk about? Oh, we want to talk about, we had a great conversation, an enlightening conversation last night.

5:34 Drew It started with Chris, actually.

5:35 Adam It started with engineer Chris. As you know, I try not to speak to the staff. And listen, let me just explain what goes on around here. Everybody around here thinks I'm an asshole.

5:47 Drew Yeah.

5:48 Adam And that's fine. Now, I don't want everyone around here to think I'm an asshole.

5:53 Drew But it's okay that they do.

5:55 Adam But it's completely okay. Because, and the reason I think I'm an asshole is because I say to people stuff like, hey, go do that, or go do your job, or go get my coffee, or how come we have to talk again about this, right? That's what I say. And maybe that makes me an asshole, maybe it doesn't. I don't care. It doesn't bother me at all one way or the other. I'm, I'm, I'm, I, again, if it just comes down to a coin toss, I would like everyone to like me.

6:21 Drew Get to the conversation, because I can't, it's so funny.

6:24 Adam So, anyway, so it's fine. And I come also, I spend too much time during the day at the, in the world of TV where there's a hierarchy and there's bosses.

6:35 Drew A serious hierarchy, a serious one.

6:37 Adam Right.

6:38 Drew Very, very serious. I mean, it's a militaristic thing.

6:39 Adam Yeah, if this was TV, phone screener, Tara, don't call me Tara, I would have been fired years ago. Like two years before she started, she would have been gone.

6:47 You're so lucky she's not here right now because she'd be so pissed.

6:50 Adam I don't care if she, Lorne would be gone, Anne would be gone, everyone would be gone. I might be gone.

6:55 Drew That's okay, yeah.

6:58 Adam Everyone would be fired except for Chris over here. Anderson would probably be around. Probably be around.

7:04 Drew All right, so.

7:05 Adam But everyone else would be fired. So fine, it's not TV, it's radio. I understand that. So anyway, I don't know, it was the end of the show last night and I was asking a new engineer, Chris, over here at K-Rock, what do you want to get into? You want to be on the airs? You want to be behind the scenes? You want to work the board the rest of his life? And he said, no, I want to get behind the mic. I want to get on the air, right Chris? Yes, he's nodding his head. Where did he learn that from? You, the head nod?

7:33 Drew He's watching carefully, you see?

7:34 Adam The Dr. Drew School of Radio. Nod the head. So I said, well, all right, so you want to get on the air? So I said, well, Chris, what do you learn from watching Drew and I work over the last couple months over here? Have you picked up any tips? Have you learned anything? And he said...

7:50 Drew Thoughtfully, by the way.

7:51 Adam Yeah.

7:51 Drew Thought for a second.

7:52 Adam He said, well, I learned it's not good to prepare.

7:59 Drew And you can say anything.

8:00 Adam You can say anything.

8:01 Drew That's it.

8:02 Adam And now he said, you shouldn't look on the internet before this show, which you could do. I just, you've never seen me do it. That doesn't mean you couldn't do it. But so Chris has picked up really zero preparation.

8:14 Drew And, and, and, and be yourself.

8:17 Adam Be yourself, be yourself. I had to kind of feed him that one, but he did pick up on that one. And I think, I think that's a valuable lesson he learned. And then anyway, just for kicks. I asked the junior, junior producer Lauren, what she's picked up from working, what she's gleaned from working with the likes of Drew and myself. You know, big, yeah, the show is one syndicated show of the year on more than one occasion. She must have picked up something. So it's been a couple of years. So I said, what have you learned from working with us? And Lauren said, well, let's see, what she start with. She started with...

9:02 Drew You leave immediately.

9:04 Adam Yeah, you don't have to work too hard. Oh yeah, no preparation.

9:11 Drew You order people around.

9:12 Adam You get to boss people around. You get big bucks.

9:17 Drew It's all who you know.

9:20 Adam It's who you, yeah, it's who you know and who you're connected to.

9:24 Drew And random of life events, luck.

9:29 Adam Yeah, it's luck. It's who you know. Oh, you get to talk about whatever you want to talk about for as long as you want to talk about it. No one really cares. You get big bucks. You boss people around.

9:38 Drew No training, no preparation.

9:40 Adam And oh, oh, you don't have to be too educated.

9:42 Drew Yeah, right, no education.

9:42 Adam I think she started with low education. All right, so beats, tons of money, no education or little education.

9:52 Drew No education.

9:53 Adam You get to boss people around. You don't have to prepare.

9:57 Drew You leave immediately.

9:58 Adam You leave immediately.

9:59 Drew You do it, you do whatever you do doesn't matter.

10:01 Adam It doesn't matter, that's right. And if you did get lucky enough to get in the position where you were actually behind the mic, it would just be a complete chance.

10:10 Drew Random event, and then once you're there.

10:11 Adam Cosmic coin toss.

10:12 Drew But then once you're there, it doesn't matter what you say. Remember that?

10:17 Adam It's luck and who you know as far as how you got there. And then once you're there, you're just there until something happens.

10:22 Drew It doesn't matter. Say something to Chris. It doesn't matter what you say.

10:26 Adam Yeah, but, right. All right. I see. Keep your eyes open. You'll learn something. You see? Very valuable life lessons that you should take with you wherever you go, Lauren. Wherever you go. And always remember, no matter where anybody is, it's always luck. And it's always who they know.

10:45 Drew But it's always everybody. It's especially a good policy to sort of point that out to your bosses. Right. That's an extra good policy.

10:54 Adam It's always luck and it's always who you know. Like for instance, anyone who knows me knows my dad runs radio.

11:00 Drew Of course.

11:01 Adam He's...

11:01 Drew Well, you know, you made the good fortune of meeting Jimmy.

11:04 Adam I met Jimmy. That's right. Right. He was in charge over here when I met him.

11:12 Drew Anderson, you were going to ring in with some ideas too, I heard you.

11:14 No, I just wanted to tell you that Lauren's a little drunk right now too. That's kind of funny.

11:17 Drew Oh, she's over there smiling and giving thumbs up to all these quasi-totally insulted comments she made.

11:25 Adam You got to be able to drink in order to mask the pain of the sort of random universe we have where for some reason some people hold the position of power and get the big bucks and for other completely random reasons other people don't. I mean, you got to drink.

11:40 Drew How else would you deal with it?

11:42 Adam I don't know.

11:42 Drew It's all random.

11:43 Adam Alright.

11:44 Drew Now, you had a family that supported you and gave you breaks every step of the way. They bought you a car.

11:50 Adam My dad owns Westwood One. You know him. You know my dad. He's a big wheel. He made a few phone calls, pulled a few strings. I mean, I remember as a kid hanging out with Casey Kasem and Rick Dees. It was great. It was huge. You know me, Drew. Well, I mean, we knew each other for years.

12:05 We go to this radio party.

12:07 Let's see at the radio parties.

12:08 Drew See the secret here. Don't hang up on Steve. Put Steve on hold.

12:13 Adam All those backdoor dealings. Sure.

12:15 Drew So to speak.

12:16 Adam Sure. For me, I was set from high school. I mean, I was destined to do this. And by the way, no one can ever fire me. I can never be fired.

12:25 Drew Well, because there's no assessment process. It doesn't matter what you say.

12:29 Adam That's right. That's right. When the contracts come up, Drew, it's not based on anything.

12:33 Drew Nothing.

12:34 Adam Just luck. Random. All right. Well, let's hope the lucky streak keeps a rolling, buddy. All right.

12:40 Drew I hope so.

12:41 Adam Danny. I don't know why we bother talking. Let's just keep our fingers crossed. I hope it works out. Keep that lucky streak alive. Danny.

12:51 Yeah.

12:53 Adam You're 19.

12:53 Drew We were talking to Danny last night. Yeah.

12:56 Yeah.

12:56 Drew And you were telling us how you had gotten into this adult industry. And that your family and friends were having a problem with it.

13:04 Yes.

13:05 Drew Give us a story.

13:06 Well, I mean, it's just kind of hard because, you know, like one day you're, you know, going along fine, you know, whatever. And then the next day you're starting to do this stuff and you're like, oh crap. How do I, how do I bring this stuff to people? And then they'll look on their faces after you tell them.

13:29 Drew It's like, you know, if you know they're going to react badly to this, why bring it up?

13:34 Well, because it's like, it comes in like the lies of like, oh, why I'm always going, you know, out, you know, down to LA and, you know, the places that I need to go film me. And they're like, well, why do you keep going down there?

13:48 Adam Who's they? By the way, Drew, good lucky question, by the way.

13:51 Drew Did I ask that?

13:52 Adam You asked that. You asked why she brings it up. And first, I thought that was totally random. I thought it was a good question. And then I was like, oh, no, that was luck. Your luck is going to run out one day, my friend. They'll strip that doctor, doctor degree right away from you. You're not going to have that anymore. It'll be someone else's turn. Danny? Uh-huh. I'm sorry, baby doll. So, all right.

14:16 Drew So who are they?

14:17 Adam Who are you telling? Your friends?

14:18 Drew Who is it that's giving hassles about where you're going?

14:21 Well, I also work a regular daytime, like, nine to five-type of job, and, you know, I mean, it's kind of hard because now, you know, I mean, I'm calling out a little more. Everybody, you know, kind of wants to know what's going on.

14:39 Adam Hold on. You sound like you like the idea that they want to know what's going on. What's your daytime job?

14:47 I work at a coffee place.

14:48 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

14:51 Not anymore. I just got out of a really serious relationship.

14:55 Adam How many movies have you made total?

14:57 Total, I've done four so far.

15:01 Adam And what's the plan? Is there a number you want to stop at? You want to keep going until you're 25? What do you want to do?

15:07 Caller I'm just trying to save up some money right now, you know? I mean, it's...

15:10 Drew And by the way, it's not as though you are running out downtown every day or even one once a week. You've done it four times. People would not pick up on you, you know what I'm saying? This is ridiculous. You want to tell people for some reason.

15:27 Caller Well, no. I mean, it's only been a month and we've only shot four films, but I've gone down there more than four times, you know what I mean? Like for interviews and to try to get these things going down and so...

15:40 Adam Sure.

15:41 Caller So to speak.

15:42 Adam Talk about unlucky, by the way. Having to do porn when you could be doing radio.

15:46 Drew Well, that's the randomness of life. You could end up in gay porn, Adam. That's where you could be headed.

15:52 Adam It's random. I got a...

15:56 Caller I am not gone wood, but...

15:58 Adam I could be doing gay porn tomorrow. We don't know. Hey, Danny? Uh-huh. No, no, no, no. No, no, because I know people.

16:08 Drew They could get you out of it or get... Oh, keep you here.

16:10 Adam That's how I got in. Remember how I got in? You know my dad. Remember him? Big wheel.

16:14 Drew And your uncle?

16:16 Adam You see him around the station.

16:17 Drew All the time.

16:18 Adam Kicking ass and taking names.

16:20 Drew Here's a little reality tidbit. You and I have been in the air ten years?

16:25 Adam Nine years.

16:26 Drew Met your dad for the first time at Kimmel Show two weeks ago.

16:28 Adam He's so busy running radio.

16:31 Drew And if you had said, okay, look across this audience of 500 people and tell me who the person that's least likely to be Adam Corolla's father, that's the man I would have picked.

16:39 Adam He's so busy pulling strings and working back door deals for me. You know my family.

16:44 Drew Yeah, of course.

16:45 Caller I can't.

16:46 Adam They're all over me. Hey, Danny.

16:48 Caller Uh-huh.

16:49 Adam And we think you should probably stop doing these movies before you build up too big a resume. It's just, you know what? Here's the thing. You're 19. And as a girl, you're stupid. As a guy, you're stupid. And 19 as a girl, you're practically retarded.

17:07 Drew This is a very persuasive argument.

17:09 Adam Thank you. You're not going to be happy about this a few years from now. You're going to want to start a family, have some kids, husband, all that stuff, it's not going to work.

17:17 Drew Well, I'm actually going to be, oh, she's out. I'm actually even more concerned. The fact that she is gratified by this and doesn't see anything, is confused by other people to react and yet is compelled to create that chaos. That's a bad series of signs. And she needs to work with boundaries and regulation and boy, undoubtedly some trauma in her background.

17:38 I don't know.

17:39 Drew I mean, whatever people want to do to solve their problems, it's not a long-term solution. It's all luck anyway.

17:45 Adam Steve?

17:46 Yes?

17:47 Adam You're 17.

17:47 Caller Yes, I am.

17:48 Adam What's up?

17:49 Caller Well, every time that me and my girlfriend have sex, she's right about to reach an orgasm and right when it happens, she's about to and it just goes away completely and she doesn't have the feeling anymore. And I want to know if it's related to birth control or not or... No.

18:06 Drew Could be. Could be. It does affect orgasm function but strangely enough, Steve asked a good question that's bogus.

18:13 Adam Oh, really?

18:13 Drew Did you get that feeling?

18:15 Adam I don't know. I was trying to figure out how old junior, junior, junior producer Lauren was. I was trying to figure out what I was doing when I was her age.

18:22 Drew But it's a good question, Steve. Yes, it could. In particular, some women on the progestational agents, the ones that have more progesterone, can get shut down that way. Some women actually are more active with the progesterone but what you're describing can be from the birth control pill or it could be just her. So a teenager often has these kinds of experiences, a woman, as they sort of come into their own with their orgasmic function, it takes a while.

18:46 Adam Also, if you're screwed with a little and you don't want to give it up, it gets weird.

18:50 Drew Well, there's that thing too.

18:51 Adam It's like they can't hand it over at the very last second. It's like they put the ad in the paper but then the guy comes to pick up the car and it's like, I can't throw the keys to them.

18:59 Drew Well, the reason I don't believe the question is that the affect wasn't there but also the circumstances weren't specific enough.

19:05 Adam All right, Steve?

19:06 Caller Yes.

19:08 Adam Is she have any problems with her dad or she ever got abused? Is there any problems like that?

19:12 Caller No, not like that. I mean, we've been going out for two years and now I think she's had a single orgasm but she gets like pretty loud and it doesn't happen.

19:23 Adam Pretty loud. What year were you born?

19:26 Caller 86.

19:27 Drew That's right.

19:28 Adam Touche.

19:29 Drew I get his age is right. It's just...

19:31 Adam Just checking. Just checking. What are you going to ask him, what's the inside of a woman feel like?

19:36 Drew No, I'm just... It's interesting.

19:37 Adam Well, kind of sandy like a cat's tongue, are busted.

19:42 Drew Well, here...

19:43 Adam You want to have him? Lauren, how old are you? Give me your hand. Show me your hand.

19:49 Drew Two. Two. Three. 23.

19:51 Adam 23?

19:52 Drew 23.

19:53 Adam 23.

19:54 Drew It's random that she survived that long.

19:55 Adam Yeah. Do you want to know what I was doing when I was 23?

19:59 Drew Carpets.

20:00 Adam No. I was done cleaning carpets.

20:02 Drew Ditches.

20:03 Adam Just pulling asbestos out of condemned houses.

20:07 Drew That's a good time.

20:08 Adam Do I have car insurance?

20:09 Drew No. Do you have a car?

20:11 Adam I had a beat up truck. I had a motorcycle with a bald tire on.

20:13 Drew Well, you got that job because of who you knew.

20:15 Adam Yeah. You don't have to know anyone to get that job. All right.

20:20 Drew Steve.

20:21 Adam Steve.

20:21 Caller Yeah.

20:22 Drew What are you doing to her when she almost climaxes?

20:24 Caller Well, sometimes I go down on her and she's about ready to get to the top. At that point. And it just.

20:30 Adam You know, you've never you never gone down on a chick. You've never been in a chick. You know, you've never been there.

20:37 Drew Steve. Good. Good question, though. I got a hand to you.

20:40 Adam Nice try, buddy.

20:41 Drew You admit it, right? That's the line.

20:42 Caller I'm serious. We need help on this. She's right here. And we need help.

20:46 Adam Put her on the phone.

20:48 She wants to talk when she's too afraid. Come here. Hello.

20:56 Adam Hello. Is this what Steve says? Is that true?

21:02 Drew He's not just putting you up to this?

21:04 Adam No, no, no.

21:05 We just got done.

21:07 Adam You just got done. Just got done. Fantastic.

21:10 Drew Right.

21:11 Adam Did you rinse out? Or is it just the same? Talking to us with the same tongue you used on her.

21:16 Drew And what's the girl's name?

21:18 Adam I'll listen to her. Jennifer. Look.

21:20 Drew What?

21:21 Adam I don't know.

21:21 Drew I'll talk to Jennifer and find out what's going on with her.

21:25 Adam Steve.

21:26 Caller Yeah.

21:27 Adam Give us Jennifer for a second. Jennifer? Yeah. So, you feel like you're getting close, but you just can't get pushed over the crest of the hill, right?

21:40 Caller Yeah.

21:40 Drew Have you ever had an orgasm by yourself or anything?

21:42 Caller No.

21:43 Drew No. And this is normal 17-year-olds. It's not the birth control pill. It's just, women dear age often have difficulty having orgasmic function.

21:52 Adam Here's what needs to happen for her and for Steve. She needs to not make a big issue out of it in her own head. I know it's easy to tell someone to stop thinking about something, hard to actually stop thinking about something.

22:04 Drew Steve needs to make it not a project. That's right.

22:09 Adam He can't be like a bear with its paw in the honey jar. We're just trying to scrape out every last bit, knocking things over. Because guys become like a raccoon in a kitchen in a cabin, you know what I mean? Just tearing and knocking and making a mess. Just relax. No pressure. Women don't respond to speed or pressure. And when I say pressure, I mean physical pressure or emotional pressure. You got to be like, hey, baby, if it happens, it happens. Just rub on them a little bit.

22:39 Drew Think Persian Cat.

22:40 Adam Lucky analogy.

22:40 Drew Lucky analogy. But you came to that one because of who you knew. Let's take a break.

22:45 Adam All right. We'll be right back after this.

22:48 Drew Hello.

22:49 Caller This is your radio. Every hour, two Americans under the age of 25 are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll-free 1-866-344-KNOW.

23:06 Loveline on 94.7 NRK.

23:26 Adam That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Drew going to...

23:32 Drew Missouri.

23:33 Adam Missouri tomorrow. And then, are we doing the show tomorrow?

23:37 Drew Yeah, I'll be calling you from Kansas City.

23:40 Adam Sarah Rue is gonna be in here on Sunday night, by the way, from Less Than Perfect. And then Bob Guinea, The Bachelor, saw a little bit of that tonight. Was thinking about that. You know, Bob Guinea, is that a decent? You know, Bob Guinea, he's one of these guys where he was like the chubby bachelor guy before. And then he lost the weight. So he went from sort of chubby to husky. You know, he's not a known, wouldn't call him thin. But here's the point. He's got 25 chicks and they're all going nuts for him. They're all going nuts and they're hot. It's like a bunch of hot 24 year old school teachers. School teacher is a hot job for a chick, but they never teach high school. They just teach kindergarten and stuff like that. It's not like, I think they say school teacher, but they really just sort of keep the kids in line. Well, they shuffle them around a little bit.

24:28 Drew That's a hard job, third grade, fourth grade.

24:31 Adam So anyway, here's the point. 25 super hot chicks and the beauty of this is, if you're the guy, once the competition's on, the competition's on, it doesn't matter. If the competition-

24:42 Drew It's about the other girls, it's not about the guy.

24:44 Adam Competition could be for playing cards smeared with fecal matter. It doesn't matter. Game on, game on.

24:52 Drew Yes.

24:52 Adam Now guys-

24:53 Drew That is the female.

24:54 Adam Guys more competitive than women in many ways.

24:57 Drew More aggressive, yeah.

24:58 Adam But we're gonna take a look at the prize.

24:59 Drew Yeah.

25:00 Adam And if you took, imagine the female equivalent to this. There's, let's just say there was, and they did the show, they did the Bachelorette, where they had the female. Now imagine if the Bachelorette was, drop 40 pounds, no longer fat, just a little bit husky, not bad, but nothing too special. You get 25 hot model type guys to get into a fist fight over. No, they'd be drawing straws to see who banged her. And I don't mean good straws, I mean bad straws.

25:34 Drew So guys, the competition is not about the other guys. For girls, for women, it's about the other women. It's not about where you're going.

25:41 Adam If you have 25 hot looking guys and there's one bachelor chick, or bachelor chick and she's a good solid four or five, those guys are going, hey buddy, bang away.

25:53 Drew Because what they're gonna have to do is they're gonna want to kill each other to get at what it is they want. That's what's gotta be there or they're not gonna go after that.

25:58 Adam But if they don't want it.

25:59 Drew Then they'll go play basketball together.

26:00 Adam Right.

26:01 Drew They'll stay together.

26:02 Adam The women, 25 hot chicks all in love with this guy and all going hard after him. And there's nothing wrong with him. I just mean, he's not a model.

26:11 Drew You know, speaking of these sort of platitudes we have in our culture, I recounted for some friends of mine your story about rape yesterday, about raping.

26:19 Adam Oh, right.

26:20 Drew The violent crime with one caveat.

26:22 Adam You come. It's not a sexual crime, it's a violent crime. That's right.

26:28 Drew Give me two more examples.

26:29 Adam Oh, Drew.

26:29 Drew Come on, it's so funny. Please, I've never enjoyed that so much.

26:35 Adam But I was saying, I always get a kick out of the fact that people always call rape a crime of violence. It's not a sexual crime. It's a violent crime where you come at the end. And it just...

26:49 Drew It's like any other violent crime.

26:50 Adam Like any other violent crime.

26:52 Drew When you come at the end, it's the same.

26:55 Adam It's assault. It happens at the workplace.

26:58 Drew Right, when somebody comes in.

26:59 Adam Disgruntled employee marches into the bus. Comes into the post office. It's got a loaded Mac 10.

27:06 Drew Unloads the banana clip.

27:08 Adam Empties it all and then comes. It's exactly the same. It's the same. It's no different than if we had a few pops at a bar. Saw a guy at the end give me the stink eye. He picked up a pool cue. One up, broke it over my back. I threw like a, took a beer mug and smashed over his head. And then came. It's the same crime. Same crime. Alright. I don't know why Drew loves that so much.

27:35 Drew It's so ridiculous.

27:37 Adam But it's not a sexual thing. But you do come. I wonder if we could try to use that, you know? Hey, honey. Yeah, you're banging. You're banging me. No, no. That was not a sexual thing that was going on there. I was banging your sister, but it was not a sexual encounter. You're beating off in front of the computer. Uh-uh. No, no. That was a lot of things, but that was not sexual. We're using your rape logic.

28:08 Drew Oh, my goodness.

28:08 Adam Rachel? You're 21? What's up?

28:13 Caller Thanks for taking my call.

28:14 Adam Thank you.

28:15 Caller My question is, um, would it be appropriate for me to have a conversation with my father in regards to the fact that he cheated on my mother for the majority of the members?

28:28 Adam That's not a sexual. That's not a sexual thing.

28:31 Drew Probably shouldn't use the word cheated even, because that implies that it's sexual.

28:34 Adam Yeah.

28:36 Drew What do you know?

28:39 Caller Well, I found out when I was nine. I overheard a phone conversation, and my mom over the years has told me details, and I've seen some proof.

28:50 Drew Hang on a second. Your mom knows he's cheating.

28:53 Caller Oh, yes. She knows.

28:54 Drew So you want to confront your dad?

28:56 Caller Yeah. She made me promise when I found out that I would never say anything to him. And so I haven't for years.

29:03 Drew I think you should talk to your dad for your own sake.

29:06 Adam Because it's bothering you.

29:07 Drew It's going to affect how you think about men.

29:10 Adam Did he stop?

29:11 Caller No. He continued to until they got divorced.

29:17 Adam How old were you when they got divorced?

29:19 Drew I was 18.

29:21 Adam How long do you think this went on?

29:23 Nine years.

29:25 Adam Nine years? Oh, yeah. You discovered. You heard the phone call at nine years of cheating?

29:31 Drew Here's what this is. The marriage is not working. We're going to keep it together until the kids are 18. And then we're out of here. They may have had an agreement, Rachel.

29:41 Caller Well, they were going to get divorced when I was about 10. And the woman he was with didn't want to marry him.

29:50 So he just stuck around, I guess.

29:57 Adam Your dad's no angel. But he stuck around. He provided for the family, right? What did he do for a living?

30:09 Of course.

30:10 Drew Who does he know? How did he get that job? He knew somebody in the AMF company.

30:20 Adam Well, they lucked into it. You know, it was very strange. Hold on a second, Drew. We don't have a guest tonight. We can talk about her. It's just strange. It's not going to mean anything to anybody. When we were talking about the rape jag a little bit earlier, and right before that, we were talking about The Bachelor, and I said, you need to have a prize if a guy is going to compete. And I said, you could take a playing card and smear some fecal matter on it. And you would fight over it if there are other women competing.

30:54 Drew For men, it's compete for, not compete with.

30:56 Adam Okay, the first thing that I thought was you could take a bowling pin and smear fecal matter on it. But I thought, I don't like that as much as playing card. Sounds even like less value.

31:07 Drew When would there ever be a reference to bowling on our show?

31:11 Adam All I'm saying is, a minute and a half ago, I thought bowling pin, and I didn't say it. And now, again, not eerie or bizarre, but Well, it speaks to the randomness of life, doesn't it?

31:24 Drew The randomness that Lauren was telling us about.

31:25 Adam That's right. God, you pointed that out. Rachel?

31:30 Drew My concern is that it's affecting how you think about men. And you may not even realize it at this point, but it's imprinted itself on you. And either, you have two choices from my standpoint. Well, three. One, you can get over it. Which you may not be able to do. Secondly, you can try to have a more reality-based relationship with your dad. Try to talk to him about what his motivation was, who he is. Try to see him as a real person, not as dad. And maybe you can resolve some. And if you can't, that's the time for therapy.

31:57 Adam And listen, number two, or three, or four, or five, the guy stuck around until you were 18. He provided for the family. I'm not saying he was a great guy. But we certainly heard worse on this show.

32:08 Drew That's why I'm referring her back to dad. Because dad may be able to reconcile this. He may be able to give a chance.

32:14 Adam I think Rachel, you gotta let this go just a little bit.

32:16 Drew Give him a chance. He's probably not a bad guy. The circumstances may be some things you have no idea about.

32:21 Adam What do you want to say?

32:22 Caller The only variables in the situation are he's lived in another country for about five years. And we don't really talk very often.

32:31 Drew Now he's here. He has lived in another country?

32:35 Caller I did promise my mom that I wouldn't say anything. And I'm afraid if I do say something, she's gonna be devastated.

32:42 Adam Now look, put it this way. If you say anything, you're not gonna feel any better. You've convinced yourself into thinking you will, but you never do.

32:50 Drew Well, you're not gonna feel vindicated or it's not gonna discharge the bad feelings.

32:55 Adam Just say you're 21. I don't know.

32:57 Drew Let's just move on. It sounds to me like you need some sort of relationship with your dad. He's gone for five years. A divorce. You need a relationship with him. If you can't get it, then...

33:06 Adam I know. This is really... It's the only decent thing my parents ever did beside my dad being the head of radio and getting me this gig. I knew my parents were complete losers by the time I was nine or ten. They got divorced when I was eight. I knew they were idiots. And I just thought just go do whatever you want. Get a girlfriend. Get a boyfriend. Get a girlfriend and a boyfriend. Sit at home and smoke pot. Do whatever you want. I'm not responsible for you. I'm going to go about my life. I got buddies to urinate on. I got work to do. But it's liberating. And it's been that way for 30 years.

33:44 Drew It is in a way, but it's minimizing what you actually needed from them that you couldn't get.

33:49 Adam Yeah, yeah. No, I wouldn't recommend it for her. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

33:53 Drew That's where the 15 years of therapy has come in. It's a make up for what was missed there.

33:58 Adam I just don't feel responsible for anything they do.

34:00 Drew No, that's a good thing.

34:01 Adam It's a little too healthy because I don't feel responsible for anything. Andrew? Hey, you're 17. What's up?

34:09 I had a question for Dr. Drew about his book.

34:12 Drew Yeah, cracked. What's going on?

34:14 Yeah, I just picked it up two days ago and I'm about to the fourth chapter.

34:18 I was just asking, is this all based on true experiences?

34:22 Drew Not just true experiences but kind of typical experiences. It's sort of day in day out.

34:26 Adam Wait a minute. Not true experiences?

34:28 Drew Well, it's not. It's based on true experiences but there's no single person that could look at this book and say hey, that was me. But it's typical. I sort of wrote about cases that I felt were exemplary and typical of my day.

34:42 Caller Nice.

34:44 Drew Good times, huh? It's a good time, huh?

34:45 Caller A positive book as far as I can tell.

34:47 Adam You're enjoying it?

34:49 Caller Very much.

34:50 Drew Good.

34:51 Adam Oh, you're 17. Look at you. You got the world by the tail.

34:55 Drew Well, hopefully this will teach you something too. We always talk about people who have been victimized and setting boundaries. This is really what that feels like. Just go and dig in with people who have had some difficulties and be empathically available for them.

35:07 Adam But remember, you could be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company or work at a manure farm.

35:13 Drew It's all random.

35:14 Adam It's all the cosmic wheel in the skies. Now just sit at home and wait. Wait for something to happen. The world is your oyster. I mean, because that's all the world is. Once you get in, they can't get you out though.

35:28 Drew It doesn't matter.

35:29 Adam Right. All right, Andrew, good luck with that book.

35:33 Drew I did an NPR interview tonight, and man, it drove book sales. It went all the way up to like number 20 or something on Amazon.

35:39 Adam Well, here's the thing. People who listen to national public radio, well, they read. They know how to read. People who listen to this show don't read.

35:47 Drew Well, I still wanted some support from our listeners.

35:52 Adam I wanted them to read this book. I did that NPR, and I got pissed off at how nice their studios were.

35:56 Drew Oh, I remember that.

35:57 Adam Yeah. Did you go there?

35:59 Drew Well, I've been to several of them. They're nice.

36:00 Adam Did you go to the big one out here in Santa Monica, Culver City area?

36:03 Drew No, it's the one in Pasadena. It's also very nice.

36:05 Adam Oh, hold on a second. Don't point the same direction I'm pointing.

36:09 Drew I have no idea what direction Pasadena is, so.

36:11 Adam Okay, obviously, but it's not the same direction I'm pointing.

36:14 Drew I don't know if you're actually pointing to Santa Monica or not, you see. Fine.

36:17 Adam You've got to point. If I'm pointing toward the beach and you're pointing toward the valley, you can't point the same way I'm pointing.

36:24 Drew I think you're pointing towards Culver City, towards Century City.

36:28 Adam I am. I'm, no, I'm pointing.

36:29 Drew We're going outside. You're pointing towards.

36:31 Adam Okay, all right, all right. Century City is where?

36:33 Drew Century City is right here.

36:34 Adam Century City is back this way. I'm pointing toward Culver City.

36:37 Drew Santa Monica is this way.

36:38 Adam Santa Monica is that way.

36:41 Drew Pasadena is that way, yes.

36:42 Adam Pasadena is that way?

36:43 Drew Yes, that's what I would say. Even more like that way.

36:46 Adam All right, hold on. This is great radio. All right, listen. We got to get the bottom of this.

36:51 Drew Chris can say anything. It doesn't matter.

36:53 Adam Once in a while, too, you find guys cheating. They start moving their arm. You go like, all right, you got to keep your arm pointed in the direction. Okay, you said Hawthorne was that. Keep your arm. And as you're walking down the hall, you see their arms starting to shift. Put it back. Okay, let's. I'm spun around, but let's go figure it out. We'll take a quick break.

37:10 Drew We'll go outside.

37:10 Adam We'll be back.

37:12 Loveline.

37:16 Adam We'll be right back.

37:28 Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla on 947NRK.

37:45 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Well, Dr. Drew was right. I was 180 degrees off. I kept, I did that thing where I pointed toward the direction I thought Santa Monica was, and then I walked with my arm out all the way. It's always, it's great that we're both adult males. But the thing that's funny, too, is the arm will go down, you'll take a couple of steps, then the other person will try to recreate the arm position and go, you're pointing over there, and now you're standing in the hall, and you're going, uh-uh, no, no, no, no. Move your arm about four inches to the left, because that's the direction I was pointing.

38:22 Drew We did that half a dozen times, too.

38:24 Adam Yeah.

38:24 Drew We had to go all the way to the parking lot. We wasn't good enough.

38:27 Adam We had to walk backwards, out about 15 doors and into the parking lot because I had to keep my hand stuck out like someone was painting us. All right, we had good times.

38:42 Drew Good times.

38:42 Adam We're gonna keep ourselves amused over here. Shay? Is it Shay? Shay? All right, Shay, you're a 20. What's up?

38:54 Well, I'm married. My husband's 21 and he likes to have sex but I like never wanted. And I was wondering, is there anything I could do about it?

39:07 Drew Are you on any medication? Is there some reason that you don't like sex? Something happened to you?

39:13 I'm never in the mood, never.

39:16 Drew How's the relationship going?

39:19 Typical relationship, typical marriage.

39:23 Adam That's always bad. That's always bad.

39:26 Drew Kids?

39:28 No. He has a daughter but we have kids together.

39:31 Drew Anything else going on medically with you? Any medication or anything? Nothing? Birth control pills?

39:38 I did that for a while but I stopped because the pills weren't, they may kind of make me sick.

39:44 Drew Have you ever gone through periods where you enjoyed or wanted to have sex?

39:48 Yeah. That was like when I was in school but then after I got out of school, I didn't have sex for about three years.

39:57 Drew This is some sort of bipolarity thing.

39:59 Adam Why did you get married to this guy so early?

40:01 Because I love him.

40:06 Adam You don't sound that convinced about that anymore. Well, do you still love him?

40:12 Yeah. I wouldn't be here if I trusted him. If I didn't want to be here, I would be gone.

40:18 Drew Well, that's what concerns us. The kind of guy you would want to be with is probably the kind of guy that's a perpetrator, just like whatever happened to you that caused this cycling in your sexuality. When people go through periods of hypersexuality and then deprivation, that usually suggests some trauma, either physical trauma, probably physical abuse.

40:35 Adam Any trauma, Shy?

40:38 Not that I know of.

40:40 Drew No one ever hit you?

40:42 No. I had a normal childhood as far as I know.

40:47 Adam I understand.

40:48 Drew Everyone thinks they had a normal childhood. Well, were you ever hit? Was someone ever striking you or anything?

40:51 No, not by my parents or anybody or... No.

40:56 Adam The answer is no. So listen.

40:58 Drew Let's not mess in here.

40:59 Adam Fine. Go, once you go to the doctor, we're gonna work up then. See what's up.

41:03 Drew No, I don't think it's medical because she weighs a hyper than hypo.

41:07 Adam Are you not attracted to this guy because he's a nice guy or because he's a bad guy? No, phone cut out again. Now, Anderson, it's unclear whether people at home can tell she cut out or not.

41:21 Drew Not.

41:22 Caller She just cut out.

41:23 Drew It did cut out.

41:23 Caller I didn't hear a thing she said.

41:25 Adam Hello?

41:25 Caller She is shy.

41:26 Adam Shy? Are you, okay, I guess I got to ask again because we had a little phone difficulty. Are you attracted to this guy? Very much.

41:41 Drew Yeah, I see.

41:42 Adam I'm not sure. And by the way, she's given us a few good answers, which is, you know, how's the marriage? Well, it's like any marriage. Then number two, which is...

41:51 Drew Childhood like any child.

41:52 Adam Have you ever thought about leaving? Listen, if I was going to leave, I would have left. Again, it's hedged a little bit. It's not a direct answer. Then I said, you know, are you trying to... It's very much... You're very much attracted to the guy, a guy you can't stand.

42:10 Drew No, it's a guy that you can't be intimate with.

42:13 Adam I'm just saying, can you say you're very much attracted to somebody and loathe having sex with them? Can you be that way?

42:23 Drew Yes, when you're a trauma survivor.

42:27 Yeah, it's not just him. I never think about it. I never want to do it.

42:36 Drew She's shut down.

42:37 Adam You're completely shut down. Were you ever sexually abused?

42:43 No.

42:45 Drew It's a hesitation every time.

42:47 Adam Because I think she's angry and angry people try to screw with you all the time with every syllable. Are you angry, Shy?

42:54 No.

42:56 Adam Then why do you got to do that? Like, you know, were you ever physically abused or sexually abused? Why is it always some weird pause and a little noise before the no?

43:05 Drew It's like, were you ever physically abused? Not by my parents or anybody like that.

43:10 When I was younger, like, I was like any other kid I would assume, you know.

43:26 Drew What are you talking about?

43:28 Adam Who cares? Maybe she's just depressed.

43:30 Drew No. She is telling us something but can't come out and say it. I was like any kid. It's like any marriage. I was like any child. No, she wasn't. What happened? Was somebody violent in the home? I'm tired of this.

43:43 Adam I'm going to punch her up, but I've got to take a leak.

43:44 Drew We'll go. I'll try to squeeze it out of her.

43:49 Adam We better have something good by the time I get there.

43:52 Drew We have a chance to get a pee this way. You should be happy about this. What went on in your home? What was so painful?

44:02 Adam I got pee.

44:03 Drew Was your dad away all the time? Was there violence in the home? What happened?

44:08 I had a stepdad and a mom. I am the youngest and I was always treated differently because I was the youngest.

44:15 Drew How were you treated? You cannot talk in riddles. You have to tell us specifically what happened. What happened to your biological father?

44:22 He was never there.

44:24 Drew How old were you when he left?

44:26 He wasn't there at birth but he came in and out of my life.

44:31 Drew What kind of guy was he? Was he an alcoholic or addict or something?

44:37 No, he just tends to make promises you can't keep.

44:41 Drew What was it your stepfather did? What was he like? You said they treated you differently. How did they treat you?

44:47 Well, they never let me do anything because I was younger.

44:50 Drew How did that manifest? How did they do that?

44:53 I had to stay home. I couldn't have any friends over.

44:57 Drew Were they verbally abusive to you?

45:00 Sometimes.

45:02 Drew But never physically abusive? No one ever hit you? Why am I convinced that that happened to you? That's what I'm talking about, Shia. Okay, so here's what we got. Biological father left at birth, came in and out of her life, made promises and was an a-hole. Abusive a-hole. Stepfather. Abusive a-hole that was over control and kept her in her room, wouldn't allow her any socialization and struck her. It was a trifecta. It was everything we thought we were seeing here.

45:38 Adam I ate like 1,400 pine nuts tonight and my whiz smelled like a barn. Crazy smelling whiz.

45:47 Drew Did you say it?

45:48 Adam If you get down low enough into the sink, you probably can't get the remnants of it.

45:54 Drew This is why I'm so insensitive.

45:55 Adam I'm just saying, corn nuts, I mean pine nuts could be my new asparagus.

46:00 Drew Well, good times. Shy had everything my senses told me was there. She was physically abused. She had an abandoning biological father and an a-hole stepfather. So why can't people be honest about this stuff? And it's stuff that needs to be treated and it will not change. And that's why she's shut down. She's cycling through hyper and hyposexuality from the trauma of the past. If you want to deal with that, deal with it. But don't be surprised by what's happening here.

46:23 Adam Just don't have any kids. She's not going to do anything. She's not going to do anything. She's not going to change.

46:30 Drew Well, she can't even admit that this is what's going on.

46:32 Adam She's 15 years away from doing anything. I'd just say shy. Don't have any kids and get yourself some TiVo and call it a life. That's fine.

46:40 Drew Put that on a whole second break.

46:42 Adam Listen, everybody. Not everybody's got to change.

46:44 Drew David, how about just us all accepting what reality is?

46:49 Adam How about just getting a TiVo and not having so many god damn kids? I'd be happy with that.

46:53 Drew I agree with that too.

46:53 Adam Alright. Don't shoot anyone in the workplace. Don't shoot anyone in the workplace. Stay home, watch a lot of TiVo. Stop banging out at all the kids. That's enough. You don't have to be self-actualized. Not everyone needs to write a book. Know what I'm saying, Drew? Cracked.

47:07 Drew Thank you. Thank you. Buy it, please.

47:08 Adam Amazon. Number 29. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

47:13 Here it is.

47:13 Caller Bottom line, it sucks being single today. Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

47:19 Call the Dateline. Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

47:44 Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla on 94.7 NRK.

48:11 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline, I'm Adam, the head stag, did you follow me? 1-800, sound like Norm MacDonald there. 1-800-LOVE-1-1-191.

48:22 Drew Where's he been?

48:23 Adam Norm?

48:23 Drew Yeah.

48:24 Adam Norm goes away for about 18 months and then resurfaces in a sitcom that doesn't suit him very well. And then that lasts a few months, and then he goes away for a year and a half, then comes back, does another sitcom.

48:36 Drew Interesting.

48:37 Adam I don't know why, like, I know Norm, I'm not best friends with him. I just hung out with him a little bit here and there. You played baseball with him, didn't you? Norm's an alcoholic, gambling addicted, horrible, horrible man.

48:52 Drew I did not experience him that way. He seemed okay one on one.

48:55 Adam He's talented, he's funny, he's a decent enough guy.

49:00 Drew And by the way, gambling and alcoholism does not make somebody horrible, horrible.

49:03 Adam No, but I just mean, he's not sitcom material. I'm not sitcom material.

49:09 Drew He's not John Ritter.

49:10 Adam Yeah, he's not. He's got more to say than that. And he should say it. I don't want to do a sitcom for the same reason Norm shouldn't want to do a sitcom, but he pops up in a sitcom once a year and then it doesn't last that long because it's not for him, even though he's real talented. He's a good guy, but.

49:28 Drew There's only so many options on television these days.

49:32 Adam Well, look at Jim Belushi. That's sitcom. Right?

49:38 Caller When I saw, hey, when I once saw Norm Macdonald do stand up, there were disclaimers saying, you know, a lot of people don't find his humor funny and you might leave and we're not giving your money back. And about 20 people left.

49:48 Drew Wow. Did he say insulting things?

49:51 Caller No, just like his, his humor is really off beat and people think it's going to be like Saturday Night Live humor and it's not.

49:56 Adam Yeah. But also sometimes he's like drunk and hungover and you know what I mean?

50:01 Drew Yeah.

50:02 Adam Like you're not getting, you're not getting him, you know, you're not getting his A game. But did you like it Anderson?

50:08 Caller Oh, I loved it. The waitstaff was laughing. I was laughing, but a lot of people were not laughing.

50:13 Adam But you can agree with me when I say not really the best guy for a sitcom.

50:18 Caller I have no idea how that happened. It's like George Carlin doing a sitcom, but that failed.

50:21 Adam Right. Well, that's the point. That's the point.

50:23 Drew Yeah, you should stay with Thomas the Tank Engine.

50:25 Adam That's right. Where he's known and loved. That's how you got to start. All right.

50:29 Drew Random.

50:30 Adam Random. It's all luck.

50:31 Drew You went from Thomas to stand up. Just see how that works?

50:34 Caller All luck.

50:34 Drew Or back and forth.

50:35 Caller All luck.

50:36 Adam Don't bother trying. Anyone. True man. Rated a Thomas the Tank Engine once. Dave, you're 20.

50:42 Caller Hey.

50:43 Adam What's up?

50:44 Caller I have a question about when me and my girlfriend, when we were like having sex, there's like a big difference between when I finish and when she does.

50:56 Drew You mean, what does that mean exactly?

51:00 Adam What's, you mean in time?

51:02 Drew Or in what transpires in time?

51:04 Caller In time, in time.

51:05 Drew I see, in time.

51:06 Adam So you finish when?

51:07 Caller She finishes first and then-

51:10 Drew How long into it does she finish?

51:12 Caller Like between five and 10 minutes.

51:14 Drew All right, and you?

51:15 Caller And me, it's like 20, 30.

51:19 Adam 20, 30. So she's got to kind of hang in there for-

51:24 Drew Does she get frustrated and sort of unhappy with your continued beating up?

51:30 Caller I don't know, it just feels weird because-

51:31 Drew Because she's done.

51:32 Caller Yeah, she's done.

51:34 Drew She's really done, yeah.

51:35 Caller Yeah.

51:36 Adam Mm-hmm. And do you think you could speed up a little bit?

51:41 Caller Yeah, I was wondering like what would be-

51:44 Drew How often do you guys have sex?

51:46 Caller At least once a week.

51:48 Drew Once a week, yeah. Can't really do much with that.

51:52 Adam How's your plumbing going? I mean, are you-

51:54 Drew Cleaning it, clearing the pipes?

51:56 Adam Yeah, you're taking care of yourself? Yeah.

51:58 Drew How often?

51:59 Adam How often? Are you doing it now? No. But you just finished, right?

52:06 Caller No, not by myself, it's always with her.

52:09 Adam Yeah, yeah. What I'm saying is, do you beat off?

52:13 Caller I used to.

52:14 Adam But you don't anymore, cause you got her.

52:16 Caller Yeah.

52:17 Adam But you only have her once a week.

52:19 Caller Maybe more.

52:21 Caller It all depends on how often we get to see each other.

52:24 Adam I see.

52:25 Drew Still not an answer.

52:26 Adam Still, you never beat off?

52:28 Caller No, not much anymore.

52:30 Caller Like every now and then. If I haven't seen her for like a long time, maybe.

52:34 Drew What's a long time?

52:35 Caller Like a couple of weeks.

52:37 Drew And if you didn't beat off, and you let the tough couple weeks build up, would you come quicker?

52:42 Caller Yeah.

52:43 Adam I don't know. I know, Drew, you always play this card, but look.

52:47 Drew Some guys, it works, sometimes it doesn't. He says, yeah.

52:49 Adam I think it works the opposite way, which is, I think he needs to get into a rhythm and a paced up rhythm. It's like, here's what it's like.

52:57 Drew No, I get it.

52:57 Adam That's like saying, look, look, if you only run once a month, you can run really far because you've saved up all that running, uh-uh. You don't run so good. You run better if you run every day.

53:12 Drew But if you'd like to take a giant whiz, you gotta save it up. And it's easier to, you know what I'm saying?

53:17 Adam Oh, that's disgusting. You peeing on her?

53:18 Drew You know what I'm saying? There's a save up component to orgasm in the mail.

53:23 Adam There is, but not a 20.

53:24 Drew There can be. There can be. There can be, and it's not necessary, but I agree with you.

53:29 Adam He'd be better off just getting it going on a daily basis and working on his speed.

53:33 Drew I agree with you on that. I actually think he's probably masturbating more than he's telling us, but he's sort of ashamed to admit it.

53:38 Adam Dave?

53:39 Caller Yeah.

53:40 Adam Are you lying to us about the amount you beat off?

53:43 Caller No.

53:43 Adam Okay, well listen, do me a favor. Do it every day.

53:48 Caller Okay.

53:49 Adam And then try an experiment. When are you gonna see her next?

53:53 Caller Probably Saturday.

53:54 Adam Saturday, that's what about three, four days, three days? I want you to do it tonight, tomorrow, Friday.

54:02 Drew And focus.

54:02 Adam And then focus on Saturday.

54:04 Drew But then each night he's gotta focus too. We get that.

54:06 Adam Yeah, see if we can speed it up.

54:07 Drew And if you can't, if it takes things longer because of this, then you wait the couple weeks and see if you can get a build up at it.

54:13 Adam Right.

54:13 Drew Because some guys trigger more easily if they've been deprived for a while.

54:19 Adam Right. All right. Uh oh, oh wait a minute. Tom? You're 22? You can play the Taboo 2 theme song on your guitar?

54:30 Caller Yeah, I figured it out for you.

54:33 Adam Oh, it is a guitar driven song. Yeah. It's acoustic. Yeah, it is. It is now. Taboo 2, my favorite porn movie. The guy, for those of you who haven't talked about it in a while, the guy, Junior, is having sex with his mom and his sister, and his girlfriend. And someone went and wrote a song about Junior. Well, it's in the song, it's in the movie, Taboo 2.

55:02 Drew The song is all these women's perspective on this guy.

55:05 Adam He has it all. Yeah, I mean, you know, a guy is raping his sister and his mom.

55:11 Drew The ballad of Taboo 2.

55:12 Adam Right, the ballad of Junior. Yeah, OK, so do you have an acoustic guitar there? Oh, it sounded like Taboo. It's had a Pavlovian reaction.

55:22 Caller It had a little boner there.

55:25 Adam All right, so Anderson, why don't you play the Taboo 2? No, no, shut up. Shush. Play it softly. Now, let me just kick it in here, Tom. See what it's doing here. Here, put the phone down.

55:43 Caller I can't hear a play to you.

55:45 Adam What did he say?

55:46 Caller I can't hear it.

55:47 Drew All right, then just play it. No, no.

55:49 Adam OK, you. All right, Anderson, you hold off on it. Tom, just put the phone down by the guitar and start playing.

55:55 Drew You start playing, OK?

55:55 Caller OK.

55:59 Drew Just don't start beating off, Adam, all right?

56:00 Adam I'm too late. Yes, he does. El Cabong played a better guitar.

57:04 Caller Beautiful.

57:05 Adam Wow. You may hit one bad chord there, but other than that, that was solid.

57:10 Caller Yeah, I had to get up right in the middle because the box was almost moving, so I had to adjust it.

57:14 Adam Oh, okay. All right. That's all right.

57:16 Caller Wow.

57:16 Adam Is Tom a virgin? Tom, are you a virgin?

57:19 Caller You know, last time I called, you asked me the same thing.

57:23 Adam You're not?

57:23 Caller I have a cold right now.

57:24 Adam Yeah, well, nobody who strums a guitar like that is going to stay a virgin for long.

57:30 Caller That's how I lost it.

57:31 Adam Right now. All right, now, how did you learn the theme to Taboo 2?

57:35 Caller Well, I've been listening to you guys forever, and I downloaded the MP3 of you singing it, and I just figured it out a couple minutes ago because I was bored. I've been wanting to do it forever, but I live in Maryland, so it's hard to catch you guys.

57:46 Adam The next one you've got to learn is...

57:48 Drew Why is it hard to catch us in Maryland? Because it's so late?

57:50 Caller Yeah, it's late.

57:51 Adam Well, wait a minute. What time are we on in Maryland?

57:53 Drew I thought... Oh, he can't get to us because we're on later than we air.

57:56 Caller Right, exactly.

57:57 Adam I see. He can't get to us. Right. Okay. The next one you've got to learn is Gotta Get It On, which is in the same thing. It's gotta get it on, gotta get it on. It's a little more up-tempo.

58:09 Caller Is it in Taboo 2?

58:11 Adam Yeah, it is in Taboo 2.

58:13 Drew He doesn't have Taboo 2.

58:14 Adam Well, I'm saying... Well, hold on a second. Tom. Go out and get that Taboo 2. You could do worse.

58:22 Drew Your mom will be very impressed when she finds it.

58:25 Adam Get that and then call back when you've learned the guitar riff to gotta get it on, gotta get it on. A little bit of a cop-out when you're writing a porn song. What's this one gonna be called? This one's gonna be called Gotta Get It On. How's it go? Let me get it. Gotta get it on, gotta get it on, gotta get it on, gotta get it on, gotta get it on, gotta get it on, gotta get it on. Yeah, so this one's gotta get it on.

58:53 Drew I get it, Bob. Good job.

58:55 Adam Nice work. How many weeks you got in on Gotta Get It On? Just about two and a half. And you know whoever wrote that in 1976, 77 thought, oh yeah, this is my break. I'm breaking out.

59:16 Drew No, next they're scoring up Billy Jack next week, next month. I'm up for it.

59:20 Adam Yeah, probably had one of those names like Black Horse or something. You know, this band, sort of 70s names. And this was just something to pay the bills in between the big record contracts that were rolling in. All right, let's hop back to the phones and speak to...

59:38 Drew Dylan.

59:40 Adam Dylan? Oh, who's that? Yeah, Dylan, what's up?

59:45 Caller My mom and dad have been like bickering back and forth for like the past couple of weeks. And my dad has told me that my mom really wants to get a divorce. And I don't really want them to, but then they'd be fighting every day. And I've got a little brother that's six and a little sister that's ten. I was wondering if it'd be better if they just stay together.

1:00:09 Drew It's better if they get some help and work things out. Even if they're sort of quasi unhappy, it's better than breaking everything apart. There's been some studies recently that show that people that come from divorced families, it has an effect to well into your 30s.

1:00:23 Adam What are you talking about, Drew? Look at me.

1:00:26 Drew Case in point.

1:00:26 Adam Gotta get it on, gotta get it on. Gotta get it on, gotta get it on.

1:00:33 Caller Gotta get it on.

1:00:34 Adam And then a great sound.

1:00:36 Caller Feels so good.

1:00:38 Adam Yeah, that's it. I'm going to bring that in, Drew. That is solid.

1:00:41 Drew I can't wait.

1:00:42 Caller I'll tell you.

1:00:42 Drew Strangely, I like it better than the other one.

1:00:44 Adam The guys from System of a Down know gotta get it on.

1:00:47 Drew Of course. Well, John is like, you can write the script out of the Taboo 2 just from memory.

1:00:52 Adam Hey, Dylan?

1:00:53 Drew Uh-huh.

1:00:55 Adam Your parents planning on getting any counseling?

1:00:58 Caller I don't think so.

1:01:01 Adam Well, here's the thing, Dylan. You can't be responsible for them. Whatever they do is what they do.

1:01:05 Drew You can, but I certainly would go to them and say, hey, you know, this is affecting us. Why don't you guys, you know, do something that might help this, might heal it. Whether it's you go to your clergy or go to a therapist, whatever it is, get some assistance with this because the breaking apart, each of them are going to find somebody else that's a pain in the neck, too. And it's not going to be a good thing. It's going to be bad for the younger siblings. Come on. They're not beating each other.

1:01:29 Adam It's not an irretrievable situation. Chris?

1:01:33 Caller Hey, what's going on, guys?

1:01:34 Adam Hey, you're 21. What's up?

1:01:35 Caller Oh, dude, I love you guys.

1:01:37 I've listened forever and I've never gotten through to you before.

1:01:40 Drew Here we are.

1:01:40 Caller Yeah, seriously.

1:01:42 Basically, I just have a question for Dr. Drew.

1:01:43 Drew Yeah?

1:01:44 Hey, I want to know the scientific or medical explanation or justification for farting, basically.

1:01:50 Drew Justification? Why did God, we're asking God, why did you create such a thing? To thank him for it, as Adam would?

1:01:57 I don't want to thank him.

1:01:58 Caller I mean, it's a pretty hideous thing.

1:01:59 I just, I mean, I really want to...

1:02:00 Drew Oh, careful, careful. Adam's getting very offended, Chris. Be careful.

1:02:03 Caller I mean, because I'm a...

1:02:04 Adam I hear you attack my hobbies, my livelihood.

1:02:09 Caller A love, yes.

1:02:10 I mean, I mean, I just, my farts are bad.

1:02:13 Caller I just, I kind of want to know medically what they are.

1:02:17 Adam How's it worked, Drew?

1:02:17 Drew Well, there's two ways you get the gas. One is swallowing air. And some people, that's more of an issue than others. But that is sort of where some of the volume comes from. The smell comes from bacteria in your bowel, which some people have more of.

1:02:31 Adam Yeah, I don't have enough.

1:02:33 Drew Yeah, split certain things you eat into methane gas, basically. And that can have fair volume, but that also is the big thing.

1:02:40 Adam I tell you, I have not had a good, bad gas day in a year. Just not had a good day. And Drew, you know when I've had some good outings.

1:02:49 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:02:50 Drew You've not had one in this studio, interestingly.

1:02:52 Adam I haven't had one in the old studio for six months before we left.

1:02:55 Drew Oh, my God.

1:02:56 Adam Maybe a year.

1:02:56 Drew Yeah, you had one.

1:02:57 Adam No, I mean, Drew, it's been a couple of years. I mean, I've had some pretty big days over there.

1:03:03 Drew Strange that I'm just talking about.

1:03:05 Adam You got gas? Drew's got a fart. Drew, don't fart, because Drew's farts smell. My farts don't smell.

1:03:13 Drew Yours can be awful. I mean, just awful.

1:03:16 Adam I know, but here's the thing.

1:03:17 Drew You're so proud of that, too.

1:03:22 Adam But let me explain. Baseball analogy. If I was a baseball player, I would strike out or ground out just about every time.

1:03:33 Drew Except.

1:03:34 Adam Yes. Have trouble getting the ball out of the infield.

1:03:38 Drew Almost all the time.

1:03:39 Adam Almost every time I get up. And then I would jack one for 550 feet.

1:03:43 Drew You get up to the plate and point to the outfield. Point to the deep center. Right. And man deliver.

1:03:48 Adam Drew's been in a couple of those games.

1:03:50 Drew He comes in and just says, points to the outfield. Just points. And just out of the park. Alright.

1:03:55 Adam But I've not had one of those days in a long time. And here's my question, Drew. Everybody's always, okay. Everybody always says, and I've had this argument with Jimmy many, many times. Because he's passionate when it comes to this. He's always like, oh, it's what you eat. If I eat clams, I'll do it. If I eat this, I'll do that. Right. Okay. But how come I eat whatever all the time, and then one time I'll get gas, and I'm always eating the same thing every day?

1:04:21 Drew Because probably some spice or a legume or something gets in there. Probably. Yeah, come on. You go out to eat all the time.

1:04:26 Adam It might have been the day before. My diet is like a handful of things. It's just a handful of things. I eat the same thing all the time.

1:04:33 Drew Some people just stimulate to eat a lot.

1:04:34 Adam But that night I had oral gas. I didn't eat a lot. I didn't do anything any differently. I didn't do it. And then there's guys who have it all the time, and it's bad. No matter what. Well, they're heavier guys, yeah. Cousins, Sal. Guys, bless. But some guys are just bad. Okay, here's what I'm saying. Everything that comes out of them is bad. 95% of what comes out of me makes a good novelty noise. But it's not bad. I didn't blow gas all night. It is. It breaks my heart. I blame my parents. But...

1:05:07 Drew Again.

1:05:08 Adam I'm just saying, it is your diet, but it's also what's in your gut, right?

1:05:11 Drew Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. The bacteria that happened to be there that day. But it's what the bacteria are getting that...

1:05:16 Adam I'm telling you, Drew, I eat everything and anything and all random orders and all quantities and all different times and nothing. And then once in a while, pow. Oh, yeah. And I would know. I'd say, oh, because I would do that every time.

1:05:31 Drew You point out of the park and, man, you hit it.

1:05:32 Adam No. What I'm saying is, is if that night I was blowing horrendous gas and I said, I won out and I ate Vietnamese tonight and I never eat Vietnamese and this is what's doing it. But that night I had some asparagus and a piece of chicken, same thing I have every night. That's what I'm saying.

1:05:49 Drew All right.

1:05:51 Adam Who are we talking to? Max? Sure. Oh, Max been on hold for a while. Max?

1:05:57 Caller Hello?

1:05:57 Adam You're 18? What's up?

1:06:00 Caller I had a question for Dr. Drew.

1:06:01 Drew Oh, Jennifer's not even longer. What's up, Max?

1:06:04 Caller It's about an eye twitch. I've had it since I was a kid, but it'd kind of be there for a few months and go away.

1:06:10 Caller And then about two years ago, it came back really, really bad.

1:06:14 Drew I mean, like, it's hard to believe. So it's something that somebody can see if they're looking at you?

1:06:19 Caller Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was like, I wouldn't even know I was doing it.

1:06:22 Caller It was like really kind of violent, I guess you could say.

1:06:25 Caller Yeah, really intense. And it's settled down a little bit since then, but it's still...

1:06:30 Drew Is it both eyes? Is it both eyes?

1:06:32 Caller Yeah, both eyes.

1:06:33 Caller I mean, really from like both eyes up to the forehead.

1:06:36 Drew Yeah, do they call that blepharospasm? You ever heard that word?

1:06:40 Caller I had it checked out by like just like my normal doctor. Well, he actually just noticed that...

1:06:46 Adam Maybe he's gay. Isn't that how they communicate?

1:06:48 Drew This, I've seen a patient with this and I would see a neurologist about it because there may be some anti-epileptic type medication that can help with this and or other medications too that if it were one eye, sometimes they even do a surgery for this.

1:07:01 Caller Oh, really? Yes.

1:07:02 Adam To make the other one twitch?

1:07:03 Drew Yes, of course.

1:07:04 Adam So they can have some symmetry?

1:07:06 Drew But this is a blepharospasm is usually what this is called. You should see somebody about it. It can be treated, all right?

1:07:12 Adam Got to get it on, got to get it on, got to get it on, got to get it on, then the sax comes in. And it shifts gears. Feels so good.

1:07:24 Drew Oh, there's other words. Chris, you can say anything.

1:07:35 Adam Jennifer?

1:07:36 Caller Yes.

1:07:37 Adam You're 23?

1:07:39 Drew Yes, I am. Also, Chris, be yourself. See, this is being yourself.

1:07:42 Caller I have a comment for you, Adam, and then a serious question for Dr. Drew. My comment to you, Adam, is that you are the man. I have got so much respect for you because you speak your mind and are not afraid to say whatever it is you're thinking. And I get so much SH for that back here. And so I have mad respect for you on that.

1:07:59 Drew Did you hear his explanation about violent crimes and rape?

1:08:04 Caller You know, I have to agree with him. I think it's stupid how they have it figured out like that.

1:08:10 Adam Yeah. Well, it's just like I said. It's like when you say rape victim and they say rape survivor. Anybody who uses a survivor thing where it's abuse or rape or whatever it is, incest, eating disorder, I just automatically hate that person. I don't want to lessen what happened to the person. It's just better to be, you're not a, yes. Well, first off, every victim who wasn't killed by their salient is a survivor. Anyone who's been through anything who's alive is a survivor.

1:08:43 Caller Right.

1:08:44 Adam Yeah, you better, better to call yourself a victim. It means someone did something to you.

1:08:49 Caller Somebody will feel bad for you then.

1:08:51 Drew Well, just because somebody was a victim doesn't mean they're forever a victim, which is what the implication is. What sort of really reinforces what the person is feeling and protecting them from dealing with that.

1:09:01 Adam Right. Yes. Look. Again, you can be sitting at a stoplight and some drunk driver can broadside you. T-bones. You're a victim. It doesn't make you any worse a driver, any weaker a person. It just means, victim just basically means somebody did something to you that you had nothing to do with.

1:09:19 Drew And if you still continue to feel like a victim, you better deal with that.

1:09:23 Adam Thank you, Drew. All right.

1:09:25 Caller My question for Dr. Drew is this. It's about a kind of vulgar subject, but I've always had a very irregular menstrual cycle. What I noticed was, it hasn't really bothered me, I've been to a gynecologist three times- specifically regarding, and I'm not a lesbian, specifically regarding the situation because I'm getting to the point where if I get into a serious relationship, I want to have children.

1:09:52 Drew You're a lesbian.

1:09:53 Caller And they have said there's nothing physically like wrong with my reproductive system. I just don't bleed normally. But what my question is, is that I've noticed that when I have sexual intercourse, when I have sex, every time-

1:10:08 Drew You're a lesbian.

1:10:08 Caller and it's been irregular. It's not like I'm having regular sex, but I usually have a period maybe three times a year if nothing happens. But if I have sex within a week, a week and a half, I will have one regular menstrual cycle, and then it will go with nothing again until I have sex and it will come. So basically every time I have sex, I'll get my period, but if I don't-

1:10:29 Drew It is very common for sex to stimulate bleeding. And because you don't bleed regularly, your endometrium is sort of built up and unstable, so every time it will stimulate bleeding.

1:10:38 Adam Yeah, it's like a snow drift. You've got to shoot it with howitzer cannon and knock it down so it's not an avalanche and campers don't get caught under it.

1:10:46 Drew It has no specific implications about your fertility. However, you do, when the time comes to have a child, you are going to want to document that you are ovulating and be sure that you don't have polycystic ovaries, but beyond that, there's nothing special about this.

1:11:00 Adam You a big gal?

1:11:01 Caller Really?

1:11:01 Adam You a big gal?

1:11:03 Caller Well, you know, I haven't always been. I'm a little larger now.

1:11:06 Drew You're fat.

1:11:06 Adam True place.

1:11:09 Caller But I haven't always been and I've always had this problem, even when I was a regular height and weight.

1:11:13 Drew Did they do an ultrasound of your ovaries?

1:11:15 Caller They did both an external and an internal ultrasound.

1:11:18 Drew And did you have cysts? Did you have cysts?

1:11:22 Caller No, they haven't noticed anything like irregular, like I said, I'm completely healthy except for the fact that I don't bleed.

1:11:28 Adam What size are you coming in at?

1:11:31 Caller You're on my breast or waist?

1:11:34 Adam Give me a whole package height.

1:11:36 Caller Five eight and I weigh two fifty five and I wear forty two double day.

1:11:41 Drew You're fat.

1:11:42 Adam Yeah, true place. True place.

1:11:44 Caller Hold on. Let me do a little.

1:11:47 Adam Two fifty five. All right. And are you going to get on a do a little exercise, get on a diet?

1:11:53 Caller Hey, you know, it's tough. I work every night. Right now, I'm at work right now talking to you guys. Well, Jennifer.

1:11:58 Adam You have a job. You have to be morbidly obese. Anyone who holds down a job must, you know, I know it's tough. You work.

1:12:08 Caller You know, it happens. All right.

1:12:09 Adam Listen. What the hell? She's fat, she's lazy, she's happy. I say, God bless her, find yourself a nice skinny black guy and they'll be happy forever.

1:12:20 Drew The weight does affect ovulation and endometrial stability. For sure. It can make you not ovulate being overweight like that. So you might want to look into that.

1:12:27 Adam Five eight, two five five is stout by the way.

1:12:30 Drew If you've not been over a hundred, under a hundred and seventy, hundred and eighty, all that can definitely affect your, your period.

1:12:37 Adam You know, it always kills me is when they, they said that they're two fifty five, they said that target weight for one ninety, you know, and it's like, hey, they're, now, now, now we got to see them in the ski pants. And it's like, now look, this is a relative thing. You, you've lost sixty five pounds, God bless you. But to me, you're a hundred ninety pound chick is five eight. Got to, got to get them ski pants off and put the gauchos on. Yes, Drew? Gaucho? Yes? Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:13:10 Caller Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:13:21 Caller Every hour, two Americans under the age of twenty five are infected with HIV. Protect yourself. Call toll free. One eight six six, three four four, KNOW.

1:13:32 Caller Abort, abort, abort.

1:13:35 Adam Dreadful.

1:13:39 Caller Love Line with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla on 947-N-Arcade.

1:13:54 Adam Hey, buddy. It's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1.

1:14:03 Caller He's got it all.

1:14:05 Adam Yes, he does. All right, Drew, let's get a call. Come on. What do you got there, buddy? Ashley, it's Dr. Drew. Two? Ashley. You're 18.

1:14:16 Caller Yep.

1:14:17 Adam What can we do you for?

1:14:20 Caller Okay, I've been kind of seeing this guy for like three months. Okay, every time I go over there, like, we end up just doing stuff, but he never does anything to me. He never does anything to me. I always end up doing stuff to him.

1:14:34 Drew Oral.

1:14:36 Caller Like, I always end up, like, going over to his house and, like, jacking him off, and he never, like, does anything to me.

1:14:41 Drew What do you want him to do to you?

1:14:44 Adam Like, his stuff, like, come over to her house and let her jack him off.

1:14:48 Drew What do you want him to do to you?

1:14:49 Caller I want him to, like, go down on me or something, or anything. Like, he doesn't do anything. And then, like, after he's done coming, he's like, I'm getting pretty tired, or, like, my friends are coming over.

1:15:02 Adam Does he think of you as his girlfriend?

1:15:06 Caller I don't know. He might.

1:15:08 Drew He thinks of you the way he thinks of the guy that, like, cleans his car.

1:15:11 Adam No, he thinks of you, like, the way he thinks of the inlet for the water in his jacuzzi.

1:15:18 Caller No, but he, like, always says, like, well, do you want to go out and stuff? He's like, we should go out sometime. And, like, today he came over and he asked for about $250. And he's like, I really need it for, like, this drug thing. And I don't know.

1:15:32 Adam Well, that's different. I mean, if he needs to borrow a substantial amount of money for a drug thing, you got to help him out.

1:15:38 Caller For a drug deal? And I haven't ever had a relationship in my.

1:15:42 Drew I can see why.

1:15:45 Adam Okay, so Ashley, break up with this guy.

1:15:48 Drew You're not, you're not, she's not with him.

1:15:50 Adam All right.

1:15:51 Drew Here's what he says. Don't break up with him. We should go out is when he wants you to come over and jack him off.

1:15:55 Adam Yeah. That's, that's enough. You're done.

1:15:57 Caller I want a relationship, though.

1:15:59 Drew Not with him.

1:15:59 Adam Not with him.

1:16:00 Drew He's just completely exploiting you.

1:16:03 Caller Well, can I, like, talk to him about it?

1:16:05 Adam No. Stop talking to him.

1:16:08 Drew Asking for money.

1:16:08 Adam I like it. And here's the whole thing. Guys get brazen. Guys will take as much rope as you'll give them.

1:16:15 Drew Well, it's almost like they become disdainful at a certain point for these women for doing this.

1:16:19 Adam They do. They don't, they lose, they lose respect for them and then they get angry. Yeah.

1:16:24 Drew Then they take it out on them. Then we're going to really, I'm going to really stop you down.

1:16:27 Adam And then it just sort of becomes like, hey, I need money for drugs. Hey, come over and jack me off. And then, and then they start getting really, really disdainful and brazen and they start talking about going out with their friends and start talking about other women in front of them. I need some money so I can, so I can take this other chick out and if things don't work out, I'm going to need you to jack me off at the end of the night. Hopefully she'll jack me off. But if you could just sort of be on jack off call.

1:16:54 Drew They get a victim abusive, just overtly. It's like you've disappointed them for all women or something.

1:17:00 Adam Yes. And if the woman in question, like Ashley over here, had a dad that was less than great.

1:17:06 Drew It's game on.

1:17:06 Adam It sucks them in. They like them even more. They think there's something they're doing wrong. Billy? You're 21?

1:17:14 Caller Yeah.

1:17:14 Adam What's up?

1:17:15 Caller I was just taking a leak.

1:17:17 Drew Yeah. No kidding.

1:17:20 Caller I can't hear you because the toilet's flushing.

1:17:22 Drew Are you in an institution or something that has one of those, you know?

1:17:26 Adam Let me say this. I want this invention. And look, we got way too much crap. There's way too many inventions that we don't really need.

1:17:34 Drew We had timer in the toilet, huh?

1:17:36 Adam I need that timer flush.

1:17:37 Drew How about a remote control flush?

1:17:38 Adam I'll do that too because I cannot... First off, I do a lot of dumping on the phone. I'm on the pot.

1:17:45 Drew Well, you have to use your time.

1:17:46 Adam I'm picking a dump. That's how I do it every time. Once in a while, you're trying to... You get that bloop. You try to miss that splash. But I swear to God, I do it about five times a year. Big, old dump, big, old pyramid dump, big, old monolith of Duke in the toilet. And then I walk away because I don't want to flush it while I'm on the phone because I don't want them to hear what we just heard.

1:18:13 Drew And of course...

1:18:13 Adam I walk away and I forget.

1:18:15 Drew And so since you live alone... No, I don't live alone. Wait a minute. No, wait a minute.

1:18:19 Adam No, it's usually the...

1:18:20 Drew The housekeeper and your wife.

1:18:22 Adam It happens on the day the house, the maid comes.

1:18:25 Drew Well, yeah, you thank God it's not your wife.

1:18:26 Adam She's a big... I mean, the Duke actually comes up above the water line. I crap like a farm animal. It's not like, oh, there's two or three logs. It's a pile. It's flop. You know what I'm saying, Drew? It is... It is a pile and it's like an iceberg. You know, there's a... 90% of it is under the water, but you'll see the peak will stick out.

1:18:53 Drew Farm animal?

1:18:55 Adam Hippo. I just mean in the sense that it's not so much extruded log as it is a pile. And then it sits there and then the maid finds it in flesh and the maid just must think I'm an animal because the maid's got to be like, why is this jackass so lazy, can't even turn around and thinks his ass doesn't stink?

1:19:15 Drew Is your wife ever fined?

1:19:16 Adam I guess, wait for me.

1:19:17 Drew Yeah. What does she do?

1:19:20 Adam I don't know, I imagine she flushes it.

1:19:22 Drew She doesn't complain to you?

1:19:24 Adam She complains about so much stuff that I don't even know. You know what I mean?

1:19:27 Drew This would be an especially...

1:19:28 Adam It sounds like one big complaint to me.

1:19:29 Drew This would be a poignant, poignant issue for her, I'm sure.

1:19:32 Adam All right.

1:19:34 Drew Oh, come on.

1:19:34 Adam Oh, come on.

1:19:35 Drew Oh, this, something really happened, I can tell.

1:19:37 Adam No, it just, once in a while it happens, that's all. It's life in the big city, Drew. Billy?

1:19:46 Drew Yeah.

1:19:47 Caller My question is, let's see, when two people are having sex, how do they both orgasm at the same time?

1:19:57 Drew They don't.

1:19:58 Caller Oh, they don't.

1:20:00 Adam They do. They do. I mean, if you got a chick who has the dignity to fake an orgasm, she can kind of time hers with yours like a porn star and time her fake with yours.

1:20:11 Drew It's pretty unusual for people that will do that simultaneously. It's unusual for women to be able to orgasm during intercourse.

1:20:17 Caller I know that. You say that all the time.

1:20:19 Drew Yeah. So that's unusual.

1:20:20 Adam It's like one of those. It's like saying, you know, in the half time of the basketball game, when they pull the guy up from the stands and he's wearing loafers and jeans and he hits the half court shot for a million bucks.

1:20:31 Drew How do you do that?

1:20:32 Adam How do you do that? Well, once in a while, the ball goes in. That's all.

1:20:36 Caller So like, if one person orgasms first, the other guy has to, or somebody has to keep going to get the other person to orgasm.

1:20:42 Drew Again.

1:20:43 Adam Oh, listen, I'm not doing the orgasm math with Billy.

1:20:45 Drew Again, most of them.

1:20:46 Adam Billy's 21 for Christ's sake.

1:20:47 Drew Yeah, do not have it during intercourse, so you have to stop after you orgasm and do something different.

1:20:52 Adam Hey, listen, you got to start calling yourself Bill. And stop asking these questions that 16-year-olds ask.

1:20:58 Caller Everybody wants me to get a job and wants me to change my name to Bill, but.

1:21:01 Drew How dare they ask him to get a job? What are they thinking? What?

1:21:06 Caller Yeah.

1:21:07 Adam Why? Social Security.

1:21:08 Caller I got schizophrenia.

1:21:10 Adam Oh, really?

1:21:10 Caller Yeah.

1:21:11 Adam Are you taking your medication?

1:21:13 Caller I get a shot every like 15 days in my arm.

1:21:15 Drew Haldol? Prolixin. Prolixin.

1:21:19 Adam Does it work?

1:21:21 Caller I don't know.

1:21:22 Drew Well, wait a minute, Billy, did you, were you doing drugs at the time that made the diagnosis schizophrenia?

1:21:26 Caller Um. I don't think it's the drugs that did it.

1:21:28 Drew Were you doing drugs at the time you had the diagnosis schizophrenia?

1:21:31 Adam I think that means yes.

1:21:32 Caller No, I'm not. No, I wasn't.

1:21:34 Drew Because I've seen a lot, you don't sound schizophrenic to me, and I've seen a lot of schizophrenic drug addicts to misdiagnose as schizophrenia.

1:21:40 Adam Can you work?

1:21:41 Caller I don't even know. I think maybe I have like ADD or something. This is really old dog.

1:21:44 Adam You don't sound schizophrenic. How about you try to get a job?

1:21:51 Drew All right.

1:21:51 Adam For you, buddy. All right, buddy?

1:21:54 Drew And for Adam.

1:21:54 Adam And for me. All right, good times. Let's take a little break.

1:21:58 Drew Yes. I just want to contemplate the farm animal reference for a few minutes. Chris almost lost his S when you said that.

1:22:08 Adam Well, you know, I'm saying they're not like cigar tubes.

1:22:10 Drew No, I get it. You're not laying cable.

1:22:12 Adam Right. All right. Sometimes. Really? You never know.

1:22:16 Drew That's nice.

1:22:17 Adam Thank you.

1:22:18 Drew Is that a healthier thing or is it the farm animal thing a little better for you?

1:22:21 Adam What do you like? Yeah, whatever. I think. It's either cigar tubes or soft soiree.

1:22:29 Drew I think you'd be a little more proud of the animal.

1:22:33 Adam Anytime you can come up above the water line, I think that's a good day.

1:22:36 Drew That's impressive. No one is subconscious. You leave that there to leave your mark and to show people what you're capable of.

1:22:42 Adam You may be right.

1:22:42 Drew Of course.

1:22:43 Adam We'll be back.

1:22:48 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:23:17 Adam Look at about that phone number. Hey, did my wife call?

1:23:20 Drew Anderson? Hey, Anderson? I like the way they listen to the show in there.

1:23:26 Caller Hey, I'm listening, but I don't know the answer.

1:23:28 Drew Well, her name was up on the board.

1:23:31 Adam I know, but you gotta say, hold on.

1:23:32 Caller Apparently, she called, and she got bored and hung up.

1:23:36 Drew Did she want to be on the air?

1:23:37 Caller She wanted to ask you about peonies in the sink, Adam, apparently.

1:23:41 Adam Apparently.

1:23:42 Drew At home? Or did she want to gloat about the...

1:23:45 Caller Turns out I don't answer the phone, so I'm not quite sure.

1:23:49 Adam All right, just shut up, shut up, Anderson. Just shut up and do the buttons, would you please?

1:23:54 Caller I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1:23:55 Caller Just shut up and do the buttons.

1:23:56 Caller I'm sorry.

1:23:56 Adam Do the buttons, just shut up and push the buttons.

1:23:59 Caller I don't have the answers to your questions, Jim, I'm sorry.

1:24:00 Adam That's fine. So just push the buttons.

1:24:02 Caller Oh, relax, relax. I'm pushing the buttons. I'm just answering the questions the best I know how.

1:24:05 Adam Yeah.

1:24:05 Caller Sorry. Adam, I'm sorry.

1:24:07 Adam Best, okay.

1:24:08 Caller I'm sorry.

1:24:08 Adam Just push the buttons.

1:24:09 Caller Sorry.

1:24:10 Adam Push the buttons.

1:24:11 Drew He's sorry.

1:24:12 Caller Sorry.

1:24:13 Adam He's not sorry. He's being a prick. And he doesn't answer the first one. I thought the line was cut off.

1:24:19 Caller I didn't know the answer, man. I'm sorry.

1:24:21 Adam If you don't know the answer, say you don't know the answer. Don't just sit there in silence and make us ask if you're there.

1:24:26 Caller No, I was asking the question to get to people in the room with me.

1:24:28 Caller All right, all right.

1:24:30 Drew What did they say? So we don't have to answer.

1:24:32 Adam Let's just get on with our lives.

1:24:34 Drew Let it call back. We'll put you on it.

1:24:35 Adam No, don't call back.

1:24:36 Drew It's on here.

1:24:37 Caller Let it ask Drew to ask Adam about peeing in the sink.

1:24:40 Adam And that's all she said.

1:24:42 Drew Well, he just peed in the sink here with it. That was the whole pine nut thing. He, he, he, uh, perfume the bathroom here at Corolla with the pine nut.

1:24:48 Adam Untrue. Untrue.

1:24:51 Drew Really?

1:24:51 Adam Well, listen, don't... Okay, Lenette, if you're listening, don't call the show and then hang up. Oh, who cares? Let's just get out of here. Can we go? Who are we going to?

1:25:01 Drew Pick a line.

1:25:02 Adam All right. Eddie.

1:25:05 Caller Hey.

1:25:06 Adam You're 17? What's up?

1:25:08 Caller Okay, I'm just kind of getting off the whole farting subject, but I'm kind of worried that my girlfriend might have been a victim of-

1:25:17 Drew Duke not farting, right?

1:25:18 Caller Oh yeah, that actually was, sorry. She's, I was actually talking to her on the phone the other night, and we were reading through old conversation logs. My computer saved them. We talked online a bunch, and one of the things that she had said that I hadn't even noticed back when she had said it really kind of scared me, and when I read it, she really started freaking out. She was, it was like the day before Christmas, and she was talking about how she wanted her dad to take her to church because she used to be a member of the Catholic Church, but he wouldn't because he was very, quote, very focused on a personal project of his that she hates, and I asked her what project, and she said it ties in with other family things and that she couldn't talk about it. But then she said that she thinks, quote, he should die and she hates him for it. Now I'm sure she was saying it on a joking tone, but then there was like this pause. I probably wasn't paying much attention at the time, but then she says-

1:26:21 Drew How would you, you wouldn't pay attention to somebody asking their, you know, suggesting their father-

1:26:25 Caller Oh, I am, I do very much.

1:26:26 Drew Burn in hell, I mean, let that go.

1:26:29 Caller Yeah, I know, I know. I was actually in a re-

1:26:31 Drew All right, well Eddie, so far this doesn't tell us really anything except that she's mad at her father. I don't know what she's mad about. I don't get it.

1:26:37 Adam All right, but believe me, she'll be mad at you too. If she's mad at her dad, you're in trouble.

1:26:43 Caller No, no, it's not that at all. It's just like when-

1:26:45 Adam Oh, it will be that.

1:26:46 Caller Okay.

1:26:47 Adam How long have you guys been together?

1:26:49 Caller This was in, this was previous relationship. We had actually gotten back together. We've been together for two months now, but it's very, very committed and we're not going on for quite a while.

1:26:58 Adam Why did you guys break up?

1:26:59 Caller It was actually just stupid teenage stuff. I didn't have my license at the time and we couldn't get to see each other as much as we had.

1:27:07 Adam So, you mean...

1:27:08 Drew Distance.

1:27:11 Caller All right.

1:27:11 Adam Well, anyway.

1:27:13 Caller The reason that it kind of leads me to believe this is because she like is kind of afraid of her parents and she has a lot of, she has like a lot of sexual tendencies that are kind of...

1:27:25 Drew Eddie, you suspect this, why didn't you ask her?

1:27:29 Caller Well, I didn't want to bring it up. I thought it would be a really, really sensitive subject. I actually asked her when we were talking about it on the phone, but I didn't like ask her, have you been abused? I kind of like asked her, well, what that was about and she said that she still didn't want to talk about it. She didn't, she couldn't do that.

1:27:45 Adam Well, so you're assuming sexual abuse and I might just go, just plan on the worst.

1:27:54 Drew Yeah, I don't know what you're going to do about it. If you're able, if she's able to have stable relationships, then fine, you know, be supportive. But it's the kind of thing that usually requires some kind of treatment, the consequence. But I bet you, it doesn't sound like sexual abuse to me. And that's not that syndrome usually.

1:28:09 Adam Well, look, you guys go off to college. Don't make any waves. Don't talk too much. Just keep it quiet. Remember to flush your toilet. Don't whiz in the sink. And then don't make any waves. Yes, Drew?

1:28:21 Drew We need Lynette to call back.

1:28:23 Adam Listen, I want to find out about what you're proud of. I'm mad at her now. She's calling up and then hanging up. She don't hold for three minutes.

1:28:31 Caller And then you take it out on me, though.

1:28:33 Adam What does that mean? Well, you were being sassy. I'm just in a bad mood. All right, Drew, want to go to line six?

1:28:41 Drew Yeah.

1:28:41 Adam All right, let's talk to Shanna, who's 23. Shanna?

1:28:46 Drew Shanna, of course.

1:28:48 I was dating this guy and he shaped-

1:28:51 Adam Hold on a second. Oh, hold on. Isn't Shanna spelled like Sean? And then-

1:28:58 Drew I don't know how she spells it.

1:29:02 Adam How would you spell Shanna?

1:29:04 Drew Shanna?

1:29:07 Adam What'd I do? Press eight or something?

1:29:09 Drew You really, you hung up on her.

1:29:11 Adam I just punched her up.

1:29:13 Drew Shanna?

1:29:14 Caller Shanna. Sorry, hi.

1:29:15 Adam Yeah, but even when you say Shanna, she says Shanna. How do you spell your name?

1:29:19 S-H-A-N-A.

1:29:22 Drew Shanna would be like S-H-U-N-A, usually.

1:29:26 They're all different spellings.

1:29:28 Drew Right, Sean, S-H-U-N-A.

1:29:29 Adam Yeah, don't most, how do you spell for your girl named Sean? How do you spell that? S-H-A-W-N. All right, you're Shanna.

1:29:39 Caller Okay, you can call me Shanna.

1:29:41 Adam All right, what's up?

1:29:43 All right, I was dating this guy and he shaved his pubic hair, like everything, and I was sort of wondering, I feel kind of dumb for asking questions because my friends didn't really have any insight. How normal that was because I haven't really been with that many guys, so.

1:29:59 Drew How old a guy was this?

1:30:01 We were 22 at the time.

1:30:03 Drew Yeah, we would call that not normal in the sense that most guys don't do that. In my experience, it's sort of an aggressive move to shave a lot of things, whether you're shaving your head or shaving whatever.

1:30:12 Adam Ah, no.

1:30:12 Drew Sort of an expression of aggression, but it's not off the chart.

1:30:15 Adam It's just, it's goofy guy, it's a goofy guy move. Yeah, it's all right.

1:30:20 I thought it was sort of creepy.

1:30:22 Adam How old is he?

1:30:23 Oh, he's 23 now, he's 22.

1:30:26 Adam And he went for a clean shave.

1:30:28 Yeah, he wasn't a swimmer or anything like that, so.

1:30:31 Drew Didn't have a bunch of tats or a bunch of piercings or anything?

1:30:34 No, very, very clean cut.

1:30:35 Adam All right, listen, kind of a break on this one. Let me tell you something. Guys, when they're bored, they just focus on their junk. And they're like, what can I do? And sometimes, I mean, this is how Puppetry of the Penis came about. Just a bunch of guys staring at their junk, and then they start tugging on it, and they start putting a flashlight under their balls, and the next thing you know, they're doing walk the dog and cats in the cradle and around the world with their nutsack. Of course. And by the way, people go out and watch these things too. And like, just a regular crowd. It's like, oh, hey, guys, he's doing something he calls the turtle. Oh, that's wonderful. Look at him, he takes a sack, he pulls it completely over his penis.

1:31:18 Drew Well, the puppetry is coming back, you know.

1:31:21 Adam What's up with straight guys going and seeing that kind of stuff? This guy tugging on a sack.

1:31:25 Drew It's comedy.

1:31:28 Adam I think it's faggotry. Angela?

1:31:31 Caller Yes.

1:31:32 Adam You're 18?

1:31:33 Caller Yes.

1:31:34 Adam What's up?

1:31:36 Caller Okay, I'm going to try to give you the short version of my story. About two weeks ago, I went to this hotel party, and it was just my friends and I, and you know, I had a boyfriend at the time, and by the end of the night, like I had a couple of drinks, at the end of the night, I asked my boyfriend to come and pick me up. So when he comes and picks me up, he comes inside the hotel, and I'm inside the bathroom naked. What was I doing naked? I have no idea, but I know nothing happened.

1:32:12 Drew Are you leaving out the fact that you were naked with somebody in the bathroom?

1:32:15 Caller No, no, no. There was nobody in there. It was just by myself. Yes.

1:32:21 Adam So what?

1:32:22 Caller So he sees that I'm naked, right, and he's mad. He got mad and he breaks up with me a couple of days after, right? So he's telling me that he can't forgive me, that he doesn't trust me anymore. Yet when he broke up with me, he said that he still wanted to keep seeing me, he still wanted to talk to me, and lately, ever since that day, he's been treating me like crap, but yet when we see each other, he acts like as if we're still together, like he still hugs me, he still tells me he loves me and all that. My question is, should I stand by him and let him treat me like this?

1:32:58 Adam No. I don't understand what you did. You went to a party, you got drunk, you went to a hotel.

1:33:03 Drew He's a controlling guy and he got freaked out.

1:33:05 Adam What were we doing at the hotel? Whose hotel room was it?

1:33:09 Caller Well, it was just some friends just went to go get it because it was kind of like a going away party for my other friend because she was leaving. It was just a little kickback, I guess you would say.

1:33:23 Adam In a hotel?

1:33:25 Drew Just women there? Just girls?

1:33:26 Caller Yeah. Well, there was like two guys but it was one of the girls' boyfriend and the other guy was the...

1:33:34 Drew He can't tolerate the behavior and the drinking and stuff and that's him, you know, I don't think this is going to work.

1:33:39 Adam Break up. He wants to break up, you break up.

1:33:41 Drew I don't think this is going to work.

1:33:42 Adam Find another guy. Find a better guy. Find a guy who likes finding a naked in a strange bathroom, strung, alright? Alright, don't worry about it. Just break up. You don't have to please him. I'm the only one you have to worry about pleasing.

1:33:55 Drew Alright. Alright. Good times.

1:33:57 Adam We'll be back. Well, that's the show. Some highs, some lows.

1:34:52 Drew We really ran the gamut tonight, huh?

1:34:54 Adam We really did. We, uh, we sung, uh, the Taboo 2 theme. Actually, all of them. All right. Yes, he does. All right, good times, everybody. We'll, uh, take ourselves a little break. And so until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:15 Caller Yes, he does.

1:35:30 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Anne Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2003