Episode 1000570995405

1:08 Adam Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction specialist. And tonight, no guest.

1:13 Just the love between us.

1:14 Adam That's right. Thank Christ.

1:15 What are you looking at?

1:15 Adam Look at the shirt, buddy.

1:18 That you're...

1:18 Adam That's a monogram.

1:20 Your monogram.

1:21 Adam On my sleeve.

1:22 Ace Corolla.

1:23 Adam That's right. Custom tailored shirt. Not bad, huh?

1:27 Can I give that to you?

1:28 Adam Hell no, I sewed it my... No, yeah, of course.

1:30 Yeah, yeah.

1:31 Adam Yeah, I did...

1:31 I've never seen you wear a shirt with a collar to the studio.

1:34 Adam I know. If you do... Well, I'll tell you what. Tell you what happened. If you do Jim Rome, if you do his TV show, most TV shows, they give you a windbreaker with the name of the show on it. So you look like an asshole and just a walking donkey with a sign on it now that it advertises their show. It's like, hey, who's this for? You got a C-list celebrity wearing your crappy show on the back of my windbreaker. That's...

1:59 Although...

2:00 Adam You should be...

2:01 I was at Kilburn last night and they gave me a weekend vacation in Vegas.

2:04 Adam Really?

2:05 Yeah, I'll show it to you. With a limo and everything. It's awesome.

2:08 Adam Yeah, but it wasn't Monogram.

2:10 No, it was not Monogram. So I'm sure everyone else got the same thing.

2:14 Adam Here's what happened at Jim Rome, which is you go, I did the show twice and they didn't do it the second time. But the first time you go in there and they fit you for a custom shirt.

2:25 Caller That's nice.

2:25 Adam And it's a tailored shirt guy. You know, he's pulling measurements. By the way, I don't want to sound gay, but it is nice to be handled once in a while as a man.

2:36 Caller You're gay. By a man?

2:38 Adam Anything.

2:39 Caller Anything.

2:39 Adam You need more touch. Even almost better from a man because then it's sort of minus any of the tension or energy or whatever. It's just, it's nice. I like getting a haircut. I like-

2:52 Caller There's a guy named Paulie giving you a massage.

2:55 Adam I love it. I love it. I love when the barber, I love when he gets the straight edge out and the hot foam machine and starts lathering up the back of the neck.

3:02 Caller And we're going with this.

3:03 Adam Okay, here's my point. I just, if you just would put your hand on my knee while we're doing the show, once in a while, just so I know you're there, instead of some disembodied voice. Okay, the point is, is measured up, that you pick a color swatch, and a month later your shirt shows up with your monochromatic.

3:22 Caller Kim will have to pick that up, right?

3:24 Adam Yeah, it's nice. And you know, if you're a guy like me, who's-

3:28 Caller Alan Cotton?

3:29 Adam Right arm is three quarters of an inch longer than his left arm, it's nice, because stuff hangs on me all weird.

3:36 Caller Well, why'd you wear it to the radio studio? I've never seen you in a shirt with a collar, unless you just did TV.

3:40 Adam Well, here's what happened. The shirt was out, because I was wearing it, what the hell was the shirt out?

3:47 Caller Oh, the shirt.

3:48 Adam No, shirt was out, because I did something for MTV today, which is one of those list shows, where you sit there and some guy goes, what'd you think about J.Lo? No, this was MTV. And so I just wore a decent shirt for that. And then, as you know, I have momentum with apparel. When something's out, it's used.

4:08 Caller Three months, yeah. We'll see the shirt again.

4:10 Oh yes, oh yes, okay.

4:13 Caller And then what you're saying, where are we? You're not gonna put this shirt in the hamper, are you?

4:17 Adam No, no.

4:18 Caller That would be sinful.

4:20 Adam This is not gonna be used, by the way. My wife become a detective. She's like, she says, have you been beating off?

4:27 Caller I said, no, no, I've not been beating off.

4:32 Caller How does that conversation start? She's cooking the pasta and even jacking off.

4:37 Adam I said, no, no, no, no, why, why, what'd you find? You know, she's like, I saw your, I saw your pants on the living room floor when I came down this morning. And why were your pants? Why are your pants off? I said, I always take my pants off. You do? Now, you know, it's great. It's great about being a guy. You're so much smarter than women. While she was talking to me, I was skipping rope and I was wearing a pair of shorts. And she goes, what do you mean? Why are you taking your pants off? What do you mean you always take your pants off? I'm not wearing my pants now, am I? Well, I guess not. All right then. As long as you're not wearing pants.

5:16 Caller It's out of muscle.

5:16 Adam That's right.

5:17 Caller Oh my God.

5:18 Adam That's right.

5:19 Caller She didn't check the VCR or anything, right?

5:21 Adam No, no, she keeps an eye open.

5:23 Caller She really doesn't want to know.

5:24 Adam She doesn't want to know. No, I mean, it has been, it's been a while.

5:30 Caller For what? That you've touched?

5:31 Adam Yeah, no, me. It's been a while since I've had it myself.

5:34 Caller Me time.

5:35 Caller Yeah.

5:36 Caller 24 hours?

5:38 Adam I said a while, not a lifetime. Armando?

5:41 Caller Yeah.

5:42 Adam You're 16.

5:43 Caller Yes, sir.

5:44 How you guys doing tonight?

5:45 Caller Good.

5:46 Caller All right, my question is, I'm in a long distance relationship right now, right?

5:50 Caller We were together for a year. I moved a year in, right? A year after that I moved. It's been probably 11, 10 months already, right?

5:59 Caller And, you know, I, it's a lot of head games and stuff with this girl.

6:03 Caller And I was wondering- Wait, wait, you're not even following this, are you? Cause you would have stopped him already.

6:08 Adam Who me? No, I was focusing on why I don't have any goddamn coffee and why this is an issue three times.

6:15 Caller Yeah, Lauren Coffee. Listen, Armando, you've been away from this girl for 11 months. How far away are you?

6:22 Caller About 200 miles.

6:23 Caller And do you ever see each other?

6:25 Caller Yeah.

6:25 Caller How often?

6:26 Caller Probably once a month.

6:29 Adam No, 16, that's once a year, it's 16.

6:32 Caller It's once a year and it's 10,000 miles away.

6:34 Yeah.

6:35 Caller Don't do that, it's over. The head games are all about trying to cling to a relationship that's not working. It's normal, it's supposed to happen, the relationships of your age is not supposed to go forever and one of the reasons they end is proximity. It's all right, it's fine, you'll be fine, I guarantee it. All right. You won't obsess and linger for a couple of years as Adam did and you know.

6:57 Adam No, no, it ain't over.

6:58 Caller No. Oh, you're still having trouble.

7:00 Adam It's like Vietnam for a lot of people.

7:02 Caller I've been telling you, Dr. Therabas, about that as well, that masturbation.

7:04 Adam Mm-hmm. Hey, Armando? Is, did the guys, are the guys, once in a while you ran into some old guy named Army?

7:12 Caller Is that Armando?

7:14 Caller What happened?

7:14 Adam Yeah, I don't think it's short for Armando.

7:17 Caller Armando, it's.

7:18 Adam Do you get Army? Have you ever heard of that?

7:23 Caller No.

7:23 Caller I heard of Armand, the French way.

7:27 Adam No Army. No. Okay.

7:30 Caller No satisfaction, Adam, come on.

7:31 Adam Never, never any. But like Army Archer, what's his name as an Army?

7:37 Caller It's probably some, you know, Archimedes or something. You know, something probably really long.

7:41 Adam There's a couple of Armies out there though. And I think it's probably, if not Armando, what?

7:48 Caller Somebody call and tell us.

7:50 Adam Right. It's never gonna happen before. Joel.

7:53 Caller Hey.

7:54 Adam Hey. What's Army short for? The name Army.

7:59 Caller Well, gosh, I know about Dick Army.

8:02 Caller That's a terrible, that's a last name.

8:03 Caller Terrible come back. Yeah.

8:04 Caller No, it's not. Cause that's what my head went to, but it's the last name.

8:07 Caller I don't know. You make people squeeze it out of Archibald or something. Kind of give it that biblical twist, you know?

8:15 Adam Yeah. I knew, I knew there were, I thought of it the other day and I don't think it's Armando, but I will get it.

8:20 Caller Maybe Armageddon. It's like a goth name.

8:22 Caller Joel, your head works exactly like mine. Those are the thoughts that scrolled through my head.

8:26 Adam You should put a bullet in it quickly.

8:29 Caller What's going on?

8:31 Caller Well, you got me really interested in reading your book, but I'm blind and I want to see if I can talk you into like, maybe sending me a digital copy of it, or if it's going to be on audio tape or something.

8:41 Caller Digital copy, meaning me reading it?

8:43 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

8:45 Caller I would absolutely love to do that.

8:47 Adam Oh, wait a minute. That's different than what he's talking about.

8:50 Caller What?

8:51 Adam He said, digital copy. And you said, you mean me reading it. And he said, yeah, I put it in my computer and my computer reads it.

8:58 Caller Yeah, it talks to me.

8:59 Adam The digital copy of it means your computer would decipher it.

9:03 Caller How do you, is that?

9:05 Caller Well, yeah, that's how it works. You look like you plug it into like Microsoft Word or something and you hit a button and it reads the whole document to me.

9:13 Caller Wow, that's awesome.

9:13 Adam And your computer is probably much more animated than Dr. Drew would be if he was reading it. Of course. A finer actor. Well, you know, the first question everybody asks me is, I banged my first nurse in 1971.

9:26 Caller It sounds almost as nasal as Adam, actually.

9:29 Caller My voice?

9:29 Adam No, your computer. Drew, you're talking about the computer.

9:33 Caller It has the monotone of Drew and the nasalness of Adam to come at home when I'm listening to you guys. Really?

9:38 Adam Can you fire it up? Where is it?

9:40 Caller I have it upstairs. I could go do it.

9:43 Adam It's going to take you like an hour and 45 minutes to get upstairs?

9:46 Caller It's taking me a minute or two.

9:47 Adam That's what I'm saying. How do you get upstairs? How do you get upstairs? No? Can you move around?

9:54 Caller I'm fine. I got a lot of crap in the way, but you know.

9:58 Adam Two stories just sounds like trouble when you're blind. Like I see fine in two stories is trouble when you drink a lot.

10:03 Caller Just dust the pants on the floor of the living room.

10:05 Caller Right.

10:06 Adam I don't need that. I don't need being encumbered.

10:09 Caller You know, I remember a couple months ago, you were talking about, was it Molly Ringwald's dad and taking the bus and stuff? And I was thinking that, you know, gosh, this is a guy complaining about not being able to take the bus and he can beat off, drink coffee and drive at the same time.

10:23 Adam Yeah. And have, and have.

10:25 Caller It seems like a great iniquity to me.

10:27 Adam Well, hold on a second. Go upstairs, find the computer. Molly Ringwald's dad is blind.

10:32 Caller Oh, that's right. I remember this. Yes.

10:33 Adam And I mean, he ain't faking because I've thrown fake punches at him and he don't move. Either he's got nerves of steel or he's blind. Cause I mean, I've done serious combos on him and nothing. And even, you know, then downstairs, nothing. And yeah, and so this guy, so he's always been blind. He's been blind since he was a kid. And I used to see him when I was a kid because they grew up down the street and he'd be, he'd be trekking off to work and he'd head out of the house, walk right onto Laurel Canyon, Maine, one of the busiest streets in the valley. And that one of the nicest ones either truck right down Laurel Canyon, head over to Chandler and sit down and wait for the bus. And that was a couple of city blocks. Grab the bus, take the bus up to the Van Nuys Courthouse. Let him ride off, jump off somewhere, you know, Chandler and Van Nuys Boulevard and truck another five blocks. They walked in the courthouse. Meanwhile, like you walk in with a bucket over your head. Believe that?

11:35 Caller Meanwhile, you can't get across the street to the high school.

11:38 Adam Well, I could. I just, I don't want, there's learning going on there. I don't want to be there. But yeah, it is amazing what you can do.

11:46 Caller Yeah, here we are.

11:47 Adam Are you at the computer?

11:49 Caller Yeah, here it is. I'm in Microsoft Outlook. I'm going to go down through a couple of the emails I have.

11:53 Adam How do you know where you are? I mean, maybe you're, maybe you're in, standing in front of a cigarette machine or something.

11:58 Caller Uh-oh.

12:02 Adam It sounds like Drew. It was a little, it was a little choppy. Can you, can you?

12:07 Caller Yeah, well, it's like, it is real kind of rapid and I have it sped up a little bit. I could slow it down if you want.

12:12 Adam Slow it down just a hair.

12:14 Caller Speed, auditory reading.

12:21 Caller How's that?

12:22 Adam Oh, that's, that's great. It's just like grandpa reading to you when you're dead.

12:25 Caller Do you have any idea what he's saying?

12:27 Caller Underwater with bubbling.

12:28 This conversation can serve no purpose.

12:30 Caller All right, Joel, here's the deal. I, I unfortunately, I, I don't own the rights to these kinds of things. Contact Reagan Books through Harper Collins. I, I guarantee you they'll have something like this for you.

12:40 Drew Yeah.

12:41 Caller Well, I've heard people in the law about, you know, getting people who can't read print books, you know, access to those kind of things. I'm sure they will have. I've had a lot of consensus authors before.

12:49 Caller I'll be delighted. I'll be delighted if I, if I had anything like this. But you want to, you know.

12:54 Adam Now listen, if they're building like, handicap ramps up to, so guys can get lap dances at strip joints and stuff, believe me, you can get one of these books. So, so listen, do you work?

13:09 Caller Well, I'm a student right now. I was, I worked for about six or seven years.

13:13 Adam Have you been blind, have you been blind your whole life?

13:17 Caller About 27 years.

13:18 Caller What happened?

13:19 Caller I was born with retina blastoma and you know, I had radiation therapy and stuff and I never really worked well. And it just kind of gave out, you know.

13:28 Adam See, you know, you always.

13:29 Caller Bilateral, yeah.

13:30 Adam I always wanted to be some sort of, you know, something in the lab exploded. You know what I mean? Yeah, but it's always the same old, it's sort of boring.

13:37 Caller I get a lot of head injuries and things.

13:38 Caller I'm getting head injuries where I could tell people it was desert storm and I get a little mileage out of that sometimes.

13:43 Adam Smart. Smart, yeah. That works. Phosphorus bomb went off in your bunker. I got the worst of it because you dove on three.

13:51 Caller Your guy's trying to protect it.

13:53 Adam They came off unhurt. Yeah, that's good. That's good. And then how are chicks? Are they OK?

14:00 Surprisingly good, actually.

14:02 Caller Yeah, you got to. I was really surprised. Sometimes it helps a little, you know? It's an animal thing, you know?

14:10 Adam Well, I mean, if you look at it this way...

14:13 Caller You can't be looking at other girls.

14:14 Adam Is a 24-year-old...

14:16 Caller Yeah, I have the advantage of not being able to look at all the point on the Internet, guys.

14:21 Caller Oh, Adam, Adam's showing himself.

14:23 Caller So, you know, for me, it's suffering, but all the other women think it's great.

14:28 Adam As a 24-year-old guy who's going to school, you have a little bit of an in. Now, you may not look at it as an in, but it's an icebreaker. It's something. It's all you need is something.

14:41 Caller It's a little bit of the guy in jail stuff, too. You know, it's a little guy sort of contained.

14:46 Adam Yeah, you don't have to... No date rape going to go on on the first night. You just... What's he going to do? You know what I mean? I mean, not that...

14:56 Caller Not that he wouldn't try.

14:57 Adam Yeah, no, absolutely. And it's not that, you know, handicapable doesn't also include rape. Because I believe it does. Whatever. They can do everything we can do. You got to lump rape onto that, right? But so Joel, not saying that you couldn't rape with the best of them or rape as good as the guy had 2020 vision.

15:18 Caller Or if you needed rape accessible ramps and equipment and things.

15:24 Adam And it's not... And by the way, I'm not saying that you can't rape with the best of them. I'm just saying that you can rape with the best of them. I'm just saying that you can't rape with the best of them. I'm not saying that you can't rape with the best of them. If I stabbed you with a knife and then came on you, or held up a liquor store or shot you and then came. But it's the same.

15:49 Drew You know what I'm saying?

15:50 Adam It's not a sexual thing. It just be like if I stole some jewels and came. So that's what I'm saying. It's the same.

16:01 Drew You see what I'm saying, Drew?

16:03 Adam No different.

16:04 Caller Same. Same as I got.

16:05 Drew No different than arson. But I come.

16:10 Adam Do you see what I'm saying? Or vehicular manslaughter. What I come in my pants.

16:18 Drew It's the same.

16:19 Caller It's like any crime, it's just you come at the end, you have to do that because it's not a sexual thing.

16:25 Drew It's not sexual.

16:26 Adam It's a violent crime. You just you just jizz when you're done. That's how you know you're done. But that's but it's but it's not it's not a sexual crime. That's what I'm that's what I'm saying. OK, so as long as we're clear on that. I chose good people. Drew, you understand to be no different than if you left your laptop computer unattended at the airport.

16:53 Caller I can't hear McGruff right now.

16:54 Adam I made off with it, but came in my pants as I was running with your computer.

16:59 Caller All right, McGruff the client.

17:06 Adam So you see my point?

17:08 Caller Yeah, I got it.

17:09 Drew Where do you keep your wallet? Where do you?

17:13 Caller Hold on.

17:15 Drew What is that? What do you think?

17:16 Adam What's the answer to that, McGruff?

17:18 Drew Where do you keep your wallet? I keep it up your ass, you mutt. I keep it on a stick planted in my lawn.

17:25 Adam What do you mean where I keep my wallet? In my goddamn pants, you retarded dog. By the way, is this the collective IQ of this nation that we need a dog mascot to tell us about crime? How much crime fighting do dogs do? Not minimal.

17:41 Caller You mean the one that attacked you?

17:43 Adam They're out there.

17:44 Caller Lisa.

17:45 Caller Yeah.

17:46 Caller Tony, what's going on?

17:47 Caller Hey, Don. I'm calling up. I listen to your show all the time. I think you guys are both great.

17:52 Adam Thanks.

17:52 Caller But yeah, I found out in June that my mom has six months to live. And she's dying of a disease that she has, Huntington's Correa.

18:00 Caller Oh my goodness.

18:01 Oh, geez.

18:03 Adam What?

18:05 Caller What's wrong? Go ahead. I mean, that's a hereditary disorder. She's your biological mom.

18:09 Caller Yeah. Go ahead. And she never really been a mother to me, but she's always like my little buddy. And I've always been really close to her, you know, like, so I'm really upset about that. And my dad was always a really bad alcoholic. And he used to like beat us, beat all of us. He's very violent. He used to like beat her really bad. And I think that might help make the disease go a little bit quicker.

18:32 Caller No, no, no.

18:34 Caller And also, I'm sorry, I can't really.

18:37 Adam Well, hold on one second. What do you mean she was like your buddy?

18:41 Caller Well, she was never really a mother because of her disease, she's kind of nuts. And like, I'm sorry, but she's like retarded in a sense.

18:49 Caller Yeah, they get very, very strange.

18:50 Caller She's never really been there, you know, but she was always, you know, like my little buddy. I used to kid around with her and stuff and I watched her and stuff, you know.

18:56 Adam Has she been that way since you were born?

18:59 Caller I don't know since I was born, but as long as I can remember, since I was like eight maybe.

19:03 Adam Is there Huntington's that's non-Korea?

19:08 Caller Huntington's disease is Huntington's Korea.

19:11 Adam Same thing. Okay, so now this is a hereditary thing, Drew is saying.

19:16 Caller A lot of somal dominant. Have you been checked for it?

19:20 Adam Hmm? I think.

19:22 Caller I don't know if you guys are talking to me, but.

19:25 Caller Have you been checked for it, Lisa? Lisa? No, it's the phone thing here.

19:30 Adam Damn phone cutting out and everyone else can hear her, but.

19:33 Nope, nope, nope.

19:34 Adam Nope, nobody else can hear, but.

19:36 Caller She just got cut off or what? Lisa, can you hear me?

19:40 Caller Yeah, I can hear you now.

19:41 Caller Have you been checked for this disease?

19:43 Caller I don't want to be checked because if you get checked or you know, you don't have no reason to live.

19:48 Caller Smart.

19:48 Caller No, because you know what's going to happen to you. Okay. And Adam's going to love this, but I'm raising my little brother and my little sisters. And so since I'm living with my father, I've always, you know, I always wanted to like hurt him really a lot because I never really worked out those issues. But I don't have the money for therapy now. And there's I can't really talk to people anyways. I'm only talking to you because, you know, you guys are over the phone. But I know I have like a really lot of issues and actually I plan on going on vacation and try to figure some things out. But like my little brother's three and my little sister is one and a half. And my other sister's fifteen.

20:27 Adam Are these all from this guy, from the abusive alcoholic guy?

20:30 Caller Yeah.

20:31 Caller Are you leaving them with him?

20:33 Caller Well, when I'm not there, like, because I work two jobs. When I'm not there, my fifteen year old sister usually gets stuck with the kids.

20:41 Caller Wow, Lisa, my God.

20:43 Adam Hold on, hold on a second. Let me convene with Drew for a second.

20:48 Caller I mean, this is like a Charles Dickens, you know what I mean?

20:51 Adam I know. I was just thinking, what century are we in?

20:54 Caller Tiny Tim, yeah.

20:56 Adam Okay, so what are the chances if I have Huntington's Korea that my kid has Huntington's Korea?

21:02 Caller I think it's like fifty percent.

21:04 Adam Fifty percent? So that's a quarter?

21:07 Caller It's a half.

21:09 Adam Half. Oh, so now we're just going by a hundred.

21:11 Caller I think it's, I have to look it all up.

21:13 Adam Okay, so there's a likelihood. And there's a likelihood that one of, if not more, of these kids has it.

21:21 Caller And there's different manifestation. I've seen, I've cared for patients with this disorder. They're sort of different. It can be milder, more severe, this kind of thing.

21:28 Adam Now, is there anything that you can do about it other than wait for it to show itself?

21:32 Caller Not really, no, not that I'm aware of. And there's medication for some of the mental status problems. They get weird, you know, thoughts.

21:38 Adam If it's not showing itself, can you detect it? That's good.

21:42 Caller Yes, I believe there are ways to test for it, genetic testing.

21:44 Adam All right.

21:45 Caller But the fact that she doesn't have it by 20 is a pretty good sign.

21:47 Adam But is there any reason to check for it other than, well, let's say, you starting a family, perhaps, or something, or you driving a school bus or something. But other than that...

21:59 Caller And if you start having funny neurologic symptoms...

22:01 Adam Right, but it's not like other things where it's, I don't know, breast cancer or something, where you're at a high risk and you're kidding yourself. You should get in there. Take the breasts out. It doesn't matter. No. Okay. Well, that's...

22:13 Caller Not that I'm aware. There's certainly no expert in this area, but nothing more.

22:15 Adam Right. Where is this? Lisa? So, Lisa. Yeah. Where are you going on vacation, by the way?

22:23 Caller I'm thinking I'm just going to go get a motel room, get away from everybody for a little bit and just go to national parks, you know, go hiking a little bit, try to clear my mind. Gettysburg.

22:32 Adam You got some money saved up?

22:35 Caller Not much. That's why I figured I'll get like a little motel room, you know.

22:38 Adam You're going alone?

22:39 Caller Yeah.

22:40 Adam You got a boyfriend?

22:41 Caller No.

22:42 Adam No. Just single?

22:44 Caller Yeah. Well, like I said, I spend all my time with the kids and work.

22:47 Adam Sure. Sure. All right. So listen, you're much stronger than any other 20 year old. Is your age. Yeah. These are 20 year olds are, you know, they're drinking wine coolers and they want to know the difference between IUD and IOU. So I'm sorry you've been through what you've been through. I'm sorry for what happened to your mom. I do worry about your younger brothers and sisters. I do worry about your dad and being around. Is he control this drinking at all?

23:19 Caller I didn't catch on the last part.

23:21 Caller Lisa, one thing you can do that's free.

23:24 Caller You're bouncing out completely.

23:26 Caller Can you hear me?

23:28 Caller You're really low.

23:28 Caller All right. Go to Al-Anon. That's something you can do for free. Do that. That you're looking for things you can do. That's something you can do. It's free. Get a sponsor. You can work some of these things out. All right.

23:39 Adam Al-Anon, Al-Anon, Al-Anon.

23:42 Caller Or ACA, the Children of Alcoholics.

23:44 Adam Okay. All right. I'm going to get myself a coffee.

23:48 Caller Yeah.

23:49 Adam That's what I'm going to do.

23:50 Caller Good times.

23:50 Adam I know. Junior, junior, junior producer, Lawrence Mendes. I brought the coffee thing up.

23:59 Caller Why?

24:01 Adam Look, here's the problem. I know everyone around here thinks I'm an asshole. I don't care. I may not have brought this up before, but I need a coffee and I need it sometime before ten. That's all I need. I don't know. And maybe it's my fault because it hasn't been discussed or maybe it's been brought up several hundred times. Either way, that's it. That's what needs to happen. If that makes me a prick, then I'm a prick. I'm going to fetch that. Drew, you want to warm up, buddy?

24:44 Caller As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it. To find a testing location near you, call toll free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

25:14 Adam Phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191. Let's go back to the phones and speak to Tiffany who's 20. Tiffany?

25:26 Caller Tiffany?

25:27 Caller Yeah.

25:28 Adam What's up?

25:29 Caller I have a question.

25:32 Caller I'm 20 years old, and I've been sexually active for a few years. But the thing is, is like, while I'm having sex, I don't enjoy it as much as I want to. Like, I crave it so much beforehand, but like when I'm doing it, I don't want to do it anymore. Does that make sense?

25:52 Caller Is this what somebody you care about or just randomly, or what's the situation?

25:56 Caller It's randomly.

25:56 Caller Have you ever had a relationship?

25:59 Caller Yeah, I've had a couple. I'm just really picky. So I always end up breaking up with them.

26:05 Adam You're not that picky because you're just having sex with meaningless sex with random guys, though, right?

26:10 Caller Yeah, that's true.

26:12 Caller Well, thanks for coming to it.

26:15 Caller And then the relationships, how was the sex with those couple guys?

26:20 Caller With one of them, to be honest, the guy that I actually regret going out with ever, he was actually the only person that I actually enjoyed having sex with.

26:30 Caller And why did you regret? Adam, I know where this is going.

26:32 Caller Well, maybe.

26:33 Caller Yeah, and why do you regret going out with him?

26:36 Caller There's actually a lot of reasons. He was really, he was a really jealous person. He ended up having a huge crush on my best friend.

26:43 Caller And he was abusive.

26:45 He wasn't really abusive.

26:46 He just, I'm not getting like attitude wise.

26:50 Caller Yeah.

26:50 Caller He was verbally abusive.

26:52 Adam A-holes are better in the sack. Let's face it. They're better at almost everything. It's a sad fact. The nicer you are, the worse you are at stuff. Yeah. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether it's, you know, sports, business. It doesn't matter. The nicer a guy is, the worse he is at everything.

27:10 Caller Not everything.

27:11 Adam Most everything.

27:12 Caller John Ritter was good at acting and being loved by everybody.

27:15 Adam But he was a prank.

27:16 Caller He was a practicing hand.

27:17 Caller People don't know that about him.

27:19 Adam He was a good guy.

27:20 Caller But let's see.

27:21 Caller Okay.

27:21 Adam That's why, by the way, he is held up as an example of one of the very few guys that was a very humble guy, very nice guy, and a very talented guy. There's a handful of the guys. The rest are just talented pricks or talentless pricks.

27:36 Caller More comment.

27:36 Adam Thank you.

27:37 Caller But Tiffany, look, I would still say that she probably had an abusive dad and this guy was a sign of strength to her. And these guys that symbolize her seem to be so strong become the abusers.

27:46 Adam I'm just getting, I'm getting absent dad.

27:49 Caller So where was your dad?

27:51 Caller My dad?

27:52 Caller Growing up.

27:54 Caller Wait, I'm sorry.

27:56 Adam Your dad.

27:56 Caller I'm actually living with my stepdad right now. My real dad lives in Missouri and I'm moving out there and after Christmas.

28:06 Caller Why did he leave?

28:08 Caller He was an alcoholic and he was abusive. And so my mom left him when I was a baby.

28:13 Caller Where's my bourbon?

28:14 Adam Physically abusive.

28:16 Caller Yeah, my mom is almost practically blind. Like she can't see unless she wears her contacts and she has scars and everything from him.

28:24 Adam From him belting on her.

28:25 Caller I love how people giggle at the end of these horrors.

28:27 Adam You've got a blind mom who still shows the scars of a beating of a bad marriage. That's just how you say it, you know what I mean? But he wasn't abusive to you.

28:41 Caller No, I actually just met him a few years ago for the first time.

28:44 Adam Yeah, why would you move out to where, what did you say it was in, what? Missouri. Why would you move out to Missouri if the abusive dad is out in Missouri?

28:54 Caller He's not abusive anymore. He used to be into drugs and alcohol and all that and he's nothing like that anymore.

29:01 Adam But why are you chasing this dream? I mean, the guy moved out of your life many years ago. He abandoned you.

29:08 Caller No, my mom actually left him. He's tried to get ahold of me.

29:11 Caller It's not his fault, not his fault that he beat her up like that. She left him, remember that, Adam.

29:15 Caller Oh no, I totally understand that. Like me and my mom get in a huge fight about it all the time.

29:20 Adam Okay, what about your poor stepdad?

29:24 Caller He's great. I love him to death. I consider him one of my fathers.

29:26 Caller He's the nice guy that she doesn't get turned on by.

29:28 Caller No, not even.

29:31 Caller No, but I mean it symbolically. Right, okay.

29:33 Adam All right, look, I don't know if I, first off, I don't know if I like anyone moving to Missouri. But to reunite with abusive stepdad or ex-abusive dad.

29:43 Caller Well, that's not the reason why I'm living out there.

29:46 Caller Look, all right, first of all, is he in recovery now, your dad, your biological dad? He's in recovery.

29:51 Caller Yeah, well, no, he doesn't drink. Well, he does drink every now and then, but nothing like that.

29:56 Caller Tiffany, do not go near this guy. You are walking into a...

30:00 Caller Hornet's nest.

30:01 Caller Yeah, you're really getting into trouble here. And you're...

30:05 Caller I never said I was going to live with him.

30:08 Caller Well, we immediately picked up on this dream that you have of reuniting with him and you're fighting with your mom about that fact. This is a bad, bad idea. And you're recreating that same trauma in your relationships. And the way human brains work are, that when you've been traumatized badly in childhood, that wiring is left behind as an imprint on the brain that becomes a source of attraction and arousal in adolescence. Those then guys that represent that dad become the most attractive things to you. And of course, then sexually also, you're only sort of into that. That's not good. That's not a good sign. And then you're in massive denial about the fact that you're sort of going after this fantasy. We picked up on that immediately.

30:47 Adam Okay, but here's just to get back to her question, which is the sex isn't as good as you think it's gonna be, because you're bouncing around.

30:55 Caller She can't have intimacy. That's why.

30:56 Adam Find a guy, have an intimate relationship. Okay, get some therapy, have an intimate relationship, and then you'll probably find that consistency you crave.

31:07 Caller What's interesting though is, even these people that have therapy still, they have to sort of deny themselves the super arousing guys. They still are always still ultra aroused by that bad guy. That's still the imprint left behind, but they can have more satisfying experiences with somebody decent.

31:23 Adam I'm telling you, I never met a woman that didn't like a little rough trade, as I call it.

31:27 Caller Is this back to the rape discussion?

31:29 Adam No, no, little tug of the hair, little tamp on the ass. No matter what, they all love it. David, except for my mom. She don't like it.

31:39 Hey guys, what's up?

31:39 Adam She don't like anything. Yeah. You're 24, what's up?

31:45 Caller Yes, first of all, I love the show. Favorite show out of all the shows I watch or listen to. But my question is, my roommate has been using my computer a lot for the past few days. And a couple days ago, I found some sort of weird, or kind of weird like porn on there. And I assumed he wanted to download it, forgot to delete it, something like that. And I was just curious as to what this means about him, that he likes this kind of porn, which is a little bit strange.

32:12 Caller What is it?

32:13 Caller It's just, it's stuff with older women, which is, you know, whatever. And then some stuff with like pregnant women, which is to me kind of very bizarre. And, you know, I'm not worried about who's a good guy.

32:25 Adam Let me ask you something, Drew and David. First off, I'm wondering about the guys who like the older women and like the old porn. Cause it is, I've seen the magazines. There's like-

32:38 Caller How old?

32:40 Adam There's one called 50 and affable. Nice. It's all spelled out though, that's good. And then there's ones called what grandpa used to beat off to. And that's all these older, older broads, right? Now here's the question. If you like older women, that's great. And you like older porn, that's great. Eventually you'll become that age. Do they keep pushing up? Now, as you get into your sixties, they get 100, 114.

33:04 Caller No, that's a good question. I don't know.

33:06 Adam You like older women, don't you?

33:07 Caller Yeah.

33:07 Adam You're 62.

33:09 Caller If I know men, he'll start like a 12 year old.

33:12 Adam Snap back and go maybe nine.

33:13 Caller Yeah, if I know men.

33:15 Adam Okay. I'm just saying. And by the way, you know, we make fun of these guys. This is a nice blessing. I mean, I'm going to be, you know, the rest of my life, I'm going to be beating off the 90 year olds and looking at my wife getting older every day. These guys, they can't wait till the wife gets into the mid fifties.

33:34 Caller Yeah, that's good.

33:35 Adam You think about that.

33:36 Caller You're right.

33:37 Adam And then the guys who like fat chicks, got the world by the tail. That's the oyster, the world's oyster and if you like fat old chicks, you're in.

33:46 Caller Come on.

33:48 Adam I mean, imagine that combo.

33:50 Drew You're picking a litter.

33:51 Adam You're like Prince Charles. You just, your royalty. You're just, hey, I'll take you. Hey, yeah, fatty, old fatty, postmenopausal. Yeah, morbidly obese. Yeah, in the van and bring your fat friends, your fat old friends. Here we go. That's it, wherever you want. You could nail fat old celebrities. It doesn't matter how big you are. This guy could be cleaning carpets and be trying to make it toady fields.

34:16 Caller Pow, toady fields.

34:20 Adam No one knows a toady field.

34:21 Caller I thought you liked that.

34:23 Adam All right, David. And he likes the pregnant women too, right?

34:28 Caller Yeah, that's, I mean, you know, older women.

34:30 Caller None of that is crazy, bizarro stuff. I wonder if he's put somebody in there to sort of sabotage you, you know, screw with you a little bit.

34:37 Caller Well, it's possible, but it was just, it was on a random sort of place in the hard drive, and I thought.

34:42 Adam All right, well, do you guys, is he weird other than this?

34:45 Caller No, he's a real good guy. And I mean, I'm not worried about him being some weirdo or anything. It's just like, it's totally like curiosity.

34:52 Adam Yeah, that's his thing.

34:53 Caller Whatever.

34:54 Adam That's his thing. He's fine.

34:56 Caller I guess that's another thing, another sort of advantage if you're trying to depraindment women too, right?

35:03 Adam You mean if your wife gets up, if you knock your wife up? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's right. Yeah. I mean, I don't know so much about that because that's a phase.

35:13 Caller Yeah. It also doesn't mean he's not attracted during non-paradise times.

35:17 Adam I'm just saying liking old women is like being a collector of mid 80s cars with high mileage on them. You know what I mean? You can get them, get them cheap. And nobody, nobody haggles with you too much. No problem. No one's going to steal them, leave them around. No big deal. Stump a little oil in them and drive. Did you know what I'm saying? But they do break down.

35:43 Caller Good times.

35:43 Adam They break down. I got to get into those older women, Drew.

35:48 Caller Some someday.

35:49 Adam Okay. Well, and again, when, when, when does it stop? If you're, if you're, let's just say you've just had a serious thing for older chicks your whole life.

35:58 Drew Yeah.

35:58 Caller What if you're 90?

36:00 Adam Yeah. Well, let's not go that far, but let's just say you're now in your forties and an older woman can't be five years older than you.

36:07 Caller No.

36:07 Adam She just has to keep sliding. She has to stay constantly out ahead of you. Like 15, 20 years.

36:13 Caller Well, these guys aren't into women in their forties.

36:15 Adam They're into women in their fifties and sixties. Yeah.

36:18 Caller And that, hmm.

36:20 Adam Yeah. Imagine by the way, how far south your life has to go where as a woman of 62, it's like hey, I got a photo shoot. You know what I mean? You go to the McDonald's and see the codger behind the counter warming up the coffee and you think, oh Christ, what the hell happened here? What happened? What went terribly wrong here? But imagine the guy, the chick that's getting naked now.

36:49 Caller Probably the same one that was doing it when she was 30 but didn't have quite the same range of opportunities.

36:55 Adam Right, because all she was was an ugly 29-year-old. Now, once again, she's 63, who cares?

37:01 Caller Diabolical.

37:02 Adam Right, okay.

37:03 Caller Just act that stuff out with impunity.

37:05 Adam See, this is why we have to talk things out. We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back. Hey everybody, it's the Love Line with Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Bleh, I'm tired from talking during the break. I'd like to just take this segment off, Drew.

37:51 Caller We'll talk down. I would love to do a show, just Loveline Breaks. Some of the best stuff goes on then.

37:57 Adam Adam goes on then.

37:58 Caller Right. A lot more of the F word than I think people think. Comes out of your mouth. Noticing that tonight.

38:05 Adam Which I should be commended for not actually using it on the air.

38:08 Caller Yep, you're right.

38:09 Adam And here's the thing, everyone says, oh, well, I just, I'm used to using it. Like our listeners would work it in, if they're, you know, they could be speaking to the queen and they would use the F word because like, oh, hey, hey, pardon me. You're a effing punt, but that's the way I speak. I couldn't help. Yeah, you can help. You just, you have to listen.

38:28 Caller You gotta pay attention.

38:29 Adam You gotta pay attention. Carly. Carly. You're 20. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

38:36 Caller I love you so much. I can't even believe I'm wrong.

38:39 Caller I love you since I was like 14.

38:41 Caller Oh boy. And what's happening?

38:47 Caller Well, I've never been in a real relationship before. I've only ever had casual sex and like, just random like hookups. And it's getting like really old.

38:59 Caller Why do you think you've not had a relationship? What's the problem?

39:02 Caller What?

39:02 Caller Why do you think that's the case? Why haven't you been able to have a relationship? If you've wanted one, why can't you have one?

39:09 Caller I don't know. I think I have like walls and I like, Where do those come from? I don't know.

39:20 Adam What do you mean walls?

39:25 Caller Like, I'm kind of like sequester myself off from a relationship. I think maybe because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

39:33 Caller And where have you been hurt?

39:36 Adam Your dad split or it was horrible or what happened?

39:40 Caller No, my parents were together.

39:41 Adam Is your dad good? Do you like him?

39:43 Caller Yeah. Yeah, I love my dad. I mean, he's Irish and he's really stubborn, but he's like a good dad.

39:53 Adam Is he an alcoholic?

39:56 Caller No.

39:57 Adam No. All right. So I don't know. What do you mean? You love him very much, but he's Irish and he's stubborn. What does that mean?

40:05 Caller Well, he's just, we're complete absolute opposite.

40:09 Caller I love the way people just cover, cover, cover. This won't get good.

40:11 Adam I know, I know.

40:12 Caller What am I covering?

40:13 Adam It's like, I'm on a, everything's a first date and we're trying to get a blow job here. Hi baby, oh no, no, Junior College.

40:21 Caller What?

40:21 Adam Oh, Hispanic studies. That's interesting. Very interesting.

40:23 Caller Very interesting.

40:24 Adam Very interesting. Can I have my BJ now? We got to talk. Okay, we'll keep talking. You don't, what?

40:30 Drew Oh, your cat, your cat talks to you?

40:32 Adam Or he thinks, he thinks he's a dog. Oh, he thinks he's a person. Interesting. He thinks he's, how do you know he's, okay. Cause he does. He knows what you're thinking. Fantastic. Okay, can I have my BJ now? There's more. There's more. You want to talk about cheerleading camp from nine years ago. That's great. Oh, Tammy was a bitch, was she? Jealous. I understand.

40:54 I'm sorry, what are you trying to get at here?

40:56 Caller You think my dad's like a bad guy?

40:58 Caller Well, not as a bad person, but he was the abusive or rageful or something. What do you mean he's stubborn? You were different. What would happen?

41:05 Caller There's like so many things that happen. I don't know. We get fights all the time.

41:11 Caller Did he ever hit you?

41:12 Caller Oh, never.

41:13 Caller He never hit you, but you'd have these sort of verbal fights.

41:16 Caller Yeah.

41:16 Caller Did he ever kick you out of the house or anything? He kicked you out of the house. So, dad's an a-hole.

41:24 Adam Well, probably.

41:25 Caller Sorry, but he is.

41:25 Adam Maybe Carly is too, but look, you guys had a tumultuous relationship, you and your father.

41:34 Caller Yeah, but we still get along.

41:36 Adam Okay, you get along. All right, I'm putting her on hold because I'm tired of her disagreeing. She had a charged relationship with her father.

41:46 Caller Abusive.

41:46 Adam Well, I don't know if it's abusive.

41:48 Caller Oh yes.

41:48 Adam Listen, I've known her for two minutes. I want to abuse her. She's angry.

41:52 Caller And you know what that means.

41:54 Adam That means she's wrong and I'm right.

41:55 Caller No, it means she's an abuse victim. They evoke that in you like crazy.

41:58 Adam That's true. I can always tell when I want to smack somebody and someone was smacking them before me.

42:03 Caller That's exactly right.

42:04 Adam It's like they warmed them up for me.

42:06 Caller It's they are that victim.

42:07 Adam They set the table.

42:08 Caller They set the table and you just knocked everything over.

42:11 All right.

42:11 Adam So Carly is in a lot of denial. She's sort of angry about it. And I think she's angry that anyone who goes scratching around or poking around.

42:19 Right.

42:20 Caller Men make her look at these things. He's probably a great guy. He, I'm sure, yes, you love your dad. I get that. But there has been some very serious dysfunction in your relationship with him. As such, it's been painful. And the possibility of future intimacy or any intimacy means pain. So you avoid it. Natural enough. Good. If you want to have that in your life, you're going to have to do a little work. That's it. All right. And I would bet that I was an alcoholic, too. I bet that.

42:42 Adam Irish guy, come on.

42:44 Caller Rageful Irish guy.

42:45 Adam Nah, the next thing you know, you're going to be telling me American Indians drink. Jesse?

42:51 Yeah.

42:52 Adam You're 23? What's up?

42:55 Caller Well, my psychiatrist is prescribing the medication to my father. It's called Ambien. He takes way too much of it.

43:02 Adam To your father?

43:03 Caller Huh?

43:04 Adam He's prescribing Ambien to your father. Yeah.

43:07 Caller All right. He takes way too much of it.

43:10 Adam How do you know how much he takes?

43:12 Caller Well, I've watched him around the house. My mom counts his pills.

43:16 Adam And how many has he taken?

43:17 Caller He takes three to four milligrams a day.

43:20 Caller Ooh, three to four pills a day, you mean?

43:22 Caller Yeah.

43:23 Adam Ooh, that's a buzz.

43:25 Caller 40 milligrams.

43:25 Adam You can forget.

43:26 Caller You've done that.

43:28 Caller Okay, and well, I've asked her to stop and she refuses. And I just want to know, I mean, do you think that she has a population too?

43:38 Adam The psychiatrist is a woman.

43:40 Caller Yeah. Okay.

43:41 Caller Is your dad addicted or alcoholic in other ways?

43:44 Caller Oh yeah, yeah, he is.

43:45 Caller All right, well, this psychiatrist does not understand how to manage an alcoholic addict. Now there may be other priorities in his psychiatric care that she's trying to attend to first. There are situations where it can be important, life-saving, stabilizing, to give people medications that might adversely impact their addictive disease if their psychiatric illness is such that they're in harm's way. Now, Ambien is not a medicine that typically sort of you would use for important reasons. And the fact that he's getting addicted to it, which is very common, it's just more, it doesn't really matter. He's just addicted. You guys are probably gonna have to do an intervention and get him into some sort of inpatient treatment where he can be detoxified. Because Ambien withdrawal is rather awful.

44:23 Adam It's not for me.

44:25 Caller Yeah, well, listen.

44:26 Adam Well, love of it, I don't understand something. She gives him enough of this stuff to give him three or four pills a day. Oh no, she doesn't do that.

44:35 Caller He takes way too much of it.

44:36 Caller Yeah, but why does she keep refilling it?

44:40 Caller I don't know.

44:41 Caller You know what you gotta do, Jesse? Contact the pharmacy where he's getting these things.

44:44 Caller Yeah.

44:45 Caller Because they tend to have a little more ability to track these things. And if they know something like this is going on and they continue to fill it, they have a problem. So that might help out of it. But really, get him into treatment. I mean, the bottom line is he needs to be in the addiction treatment and that's that.

44:59 Adam I'll tell you that, that Ambien is yummy.

45:02 Caller I love that stuff. That's where you started talking about my scoring on your behalf, was in relation to that drug.

45:08 Adam Yeah, I missed that Ambien.

45:10 Caller Sorry, buddy. I had to cut you off.

45:12 Adam I'm gonna score some more. Oh, don't worry.

45:14 Caller You found another source?

45:15 Adam I know Dr. Marcel. He's like Elvis' doctor, whatever it takes.

45:21 Caller Whatever.

45:23 Adam Colonel calls him up.

45:25 Caller I got a bed waiting for you.

45:26 Adam No, you know what? I love that ambient. And if you give me that ambient, I'll eat it. But here's the thing. And then I'm out of it. And then I'm out of it. For how long? Couple hours. Then I get the shakes. We'll get some more. No, get out of it and don't think about it. Months.

45:41 Caller Oh, I see. But I mean, does it knock you out for a day or two? After, I mean, does it affect your memory or any word finding or?

45:48 Adam I'm not as sharp as I normally would be, but I'm so much sharper than everyone else all the time. It really brings me down to normal level. We don't want it to be normal. And modest as well. No, I'm just saying it makes you a little goofy the next day.

46:04 Caller I'm still back with the raping crimes and other crimes.

46:09 Adam You know, I gotta tell you, Drew, just to be honest, is a guy who's never really felt like he's got a full night's sleep in his life and who likes to have a couple of pops where he goes to bed at night, maybe sleep in pill or something like that. I walk around all day, every day with a sort of quasi soupy head. You know what I mean? Just, I can feel my head, wear my forehead.

46:34 Caller That's the sleeping thing.

46:36 Adam Not thinking too clearly, not too sharp, but still can rally. Know what I mean?

46:43 Caller I've seen it.

46:43 Adam I'm like a good athlete who doesn't train too hard and still can get by. Yeah, still get by. And I mean, I'm just interested in getting by. I don't wanna be that guy. Thank you.

46:54 Caller All right.

46:55 Adam Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

46:58 So I know there's nothing wrong with me. So what's up?

47:03 Caller Why can't I meet anybody?

47:04 Caller But I tried everything else and thought, what the hell?

47:40 Adam Everybody. It's Love's Line. I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. We need someone to do weather and sports and traffic on this show so we can just play a few songs. I just like to be a traffic cop for a while. I'm tired of spinning plates.

48:07 Caller I just want to sit back.

48:09 Adam Is there somebody can come in? How about a movie review? How about you do a movie review? What day is it? Tuesday? Tuesday, Drew does a movie review. Huh? No. Okay. All right, where are we? What are we doing? We're gonna take some calls? Sure.

48:24 Caller And then we're gonna interview with our Fox Cleveland affiliate.

48:26 Adam Yeah. Now why is our Fox Cleveland affiliate here?

48:29 Caller What's her answer?

48:30 Adam What do you mean our Fox Cleveland affiliate?

48:33 Caller Well, we are a new station in Cleveland and the television station locally wanted to do some interviewing. I don't know if that was motivated because of our new affiliate, but they. No, there weren't.

48:45 Caller No offense, nothing personal.

48:46 Adam And this is Suzanne?

48:48 Caller Stratford.

48:49 Adam Stratford, I'm gonna write that down.

48:51 Caller Because you'll forget.

48:52 Adam Yeah, Suzanne Stratford. And now what is, what, now.

48:55 Caller Wait, I'm supposed to interview you.

48:57 Adam Okay, but first.

48:58 Caller You're asking me questions.

48:59 Adam What are you doing here? Did you come out here from Cleveland?

49:01 Caller We did. For what? For this?

49:06 Adam For Drew?

49:06 Drew For Drew.

49:07 Caller Well, November's approaching and there are plenty of stories that I'm sure our viewers would be interested in and dealing with important subjects such as sexual issues, dealing that everybody in society faces. But you. Poking up and buddy sex.

49:21 Adam You came out to do a story on Drew, correct?

49:24 Caller No, we're doing different stories on different topics, but Drew's our expert since he's the.

49:29 Adam Oh, I see. So are you guys traveling around then?

49:31 Caller No, no, I just did an interview with them today. And I said, hey, go in and come to the radio studio and talk to Adam.

49:35 Adam Oh, okay.

49:35 Caller I'll take some pictures.

49:36 Adam All right, so you got your cameraman here. Right. And well, here's what happened. And so Susan's been hanging out the whole show, just quietly, probably enjoying herself. And they've been filming me and Drew and all that kind of stuff. And Susan said, do you have time for an interview? And we decided maybe it'd be better to do it on the air.

49:56 Caller No, no, you just, you said you've got to do it between now and 12 o'clock and.

50:01 Adam Right, because I had to leave the second that. I'd like to actually leave a little before 12 tonight. But so and then we realized, Drew brought up that we we don't have a guest tonight, obviously, or maybe we do. And Susan and also Suzanne, thank you. And my wife's best friend is Suzanne and your wife, Drew, Susan. And if you screw up one of the inflections on one of the syllables, everyone acts.

50:27 Caller You're talking about a different person.

50:28 Caller It starts in childhood. That's that's a childhood parent thing.

50:31 Adam So painful. All right. So now wait a minute. We got that. No, wait. It's it. We got this. We got the Suzanne. Yeah, Suzanne. So anyway, the point is, is we've done interviews on the air where they interviewed us before. So why don't we just do that? We don't have boring. What the hell? Yeah, we never get interviewed. Where is interviewing everyone else? What questions you have for us, Suzanne?

50:58 Caller I'm sure my news director is probably sitting back at the station or sitting back in Cleveland listening to the radio up late at night going, hmm, I sent you to California for sweet stories. Now you're going to ask them out in the air.

51:09 Adam What do you got? Do you have anything?

51:12 Caller Do I have anything for you? All right. Well, well, the reason we're here, though, the main reason is we're talking about a lot of the sex trends with that with teenagers. And you certainly you talk a lot about sex and stuff.

51:25 Adam But sure.

51:26 Caller But I was I was I was guessing that when you talk about buddy sex and teenagers and how they have multiple partners, you're talking about 15 year olds having 50 plus partners that that to you probably would sound like a good thing. Whereas to Dr. Drew, that was definitely not a good thing.

51:39 Adam No, I don't think it's a I don't think it's good to have a 15 year old have 50 plus partners. I mean, I I do. I well, no, actually, Drew is a man of supreme passion. I don't know if he's made that abundantly clear to you.

51:53 Caller So it'd be better. I'd be more into that than you would be.

51:57 Adam Yeah, but no, I make I make fun of everybody and have a good time, make several thousand beat off jokes an hour. But I still realize that, you know, 15 year olds having multiple partners, probably not a great idea and all that orgies and everything that's going on in junior high is probably not the healthiest thing.

52:15 Caller Here's a question. How did you become a sex expert? Because I've seen your show, I've seen you guys on when you were on MTV and I've heard you on the radio, but I didn't. I never really realized how you became the sex expert.

52:26 Adam I just became one from doing the show, really.

52:30 Caller How did you start the show?

52:32 Adam Well, the show was the show was on the radio in Los Angeles for a good 10 years before, maybe 12 years before it. What, Drew, what year are you on in this show? Year 20?

52:44 Caller This may be starting. Yes, starting 21, like December.

52:47 Adam OK, so the show the show was on 12 years before I got here, and I used to listen to this show because I grew up in the Los Angeles area and was a K-Rock fan, which is the mother station where the show all began. I used to listen to this show as a kid. Well, I shouldn't say as a kid, but a senior year of high school, probably. And then later on in life, as I worked and worked at night and drove around, I'd always listen to this show. So I call in with questions, I'm sure we did call in with a bogus question one time. I put some friends up to it and actually videotaped it in my kitchen of my apartment when I was like 19. But now I never I never called in. But I did. I did enjoy Drew and the poor man who was on at the time and then Ricky Rachman later on. So I always enjoyed the show and it's almost surreal to be sitting here.

53:37 Caller And then but I am over it.

53:40 Adam Yeah.

53:41 Caller And then the boxing thing, what's the boxing thing?

53:44 Adam Well, oh, that. Oh, how did I get here? Yeah. Yeah. I used to be a boxing instructor and I'm I trained Jimmy Kimmel to do some boxing a long, long time ago before I knew him for some radio stunt. We made friends and he got me in on the radio.

53:58 Caller And then he did. Well, then what was the character you did that I heard? A perverted wood shop instructor. Yeah.

54:08 Adam Mr. Bircham, who you can hear.

54:09 Caller Crank Yankers.

54:11 Adam Crank Yankers. Tuesday Nights, by the way. Ten o'clock Comedy Central. So anyway, that's right.

54:16 Caller And I heard of him. We had the TV show came along. Right.

54:18 Caller Now you're recently married.

54:19 Caller Yes.

54:20 Caller OK, so how does your wife handle some of your responses? Does she listen anymore?

54:25 Caller You heard about first of all, you heard how she found his soiled pants in the living room.

54:31 Caller OK, that's what she lives with.

54:32 Adam I didn't say soiled. Discarded.

54:35 Caller OK, I beg your pardon.

54:36 Adam It's a big difference. And there's, by the way, is a difference between the position, the lay of your pants when you're taking them off to beat off and then taking them off to take them off.

54:49 Caller Right.

54:49 Adam Take a shower. The beat off is they're smashed down. They're still standing up. It's just the legs are collapsed. It's remember how the Wicked Witch, when she got the water thrown on her, you just go straight down that way, as if as if someone just pulled you out of them and they just fell straight down. When you're getting in a shower, you take them off, you lay them across something, you lay them on a chair. There's something deliberate. You take them up, you reach down and pull from the heel. When you're beating off, you throw them down, shove them down, you jump out of them. So when they just look like a bucket sitting there, that's like a spittoon with a crotch in it.

55:23 Caller In fact, Suzanne cracked me up the other day. She goes, she goes, I heard some of my married couple, they only have sex five times a year.

55:30 Drew She goes, how is that possible?

55:32 Caller I go, oh, OK. Yeah.

55:35 Caller Now I have to look for the pants. I've only been married a year. We just had our first anniversary.

55:40 Adam My my wife doesn't listen to the show. I mean, she quite honestly.

55:44 Caller Did she watch the man show? I saw was she on the man show?

55:46 Adam She was on one time. She's got TiVo. She goes to bed early. She's not interested in what I have to say. She gets an asshole of my yapping during the week. And she's not that interested. And I really count on doing this show with no one I know listening. And that's why I can trash trash. I call my dad a pussy on this show. I'll call my dad the biggest pussy in the world and then go out to lunch with him tomorrow. He doesn't listen.

56:11 Caller Is it one of those Howard Stern things, though, where you worry that she's going to be buying a home or grocery shopping and everybody's going to surround her and say, did you hear what your husband said on radio last night? Does that happen?

56:21 Caller We have something like that happen once. Oh, that that woman at work. Your husband was flirting. Remember that?

56:26 Adam Yeah. Once in a while, one of the C's she works with decides to fill her ear with some piece of erroneous something. And I'm really hoping that something heavy lands on them and just kills them. But other than the C's at work, who once in a while nibble on her ear and tell her something out of context, that I may have said on this radio, like I was hitting on some guests or something, which does happen. But other than that, she's fine. Listen, here's the thing, too. Really, seriously, I make all the money. I do everything. I don't give a rat's ass. That's it.

57:03 Caller You bring home the bacon and she brings home the bacon.

57:06 Adam Explain her. No, listen, it's not a disrespect thing, but I make a ton of money compared to her not making all that much money. And I don't give a rat's ass what she said. And as my as my mom said to me two days ago when I was on Kimmel, she said, I watched you, but I didn't appreciate one of the things you said, which is you said we were talking about rat said they were like old Jews. They would eat anything. And I thought that was, you know, herring, liver, gefilte fish, you know, electrical wiring, drywall. She said, I think that was insensitive. I didn't appreciate it. She's not.

57:42 Caller I'm sure you didn't bring that up on the radio.

57:43 Adam She's not. My mom's not Jewish, but she looks out for all kinds of her own goddamn family. So I just said, yeah, well, so what? Who cares? You know, she said, well, I just don't think it's a nice. Yeah, no, who cares? I don't care.

57:58 Caller Then whatever you want to lay into her.

58:00 Adam No, I didn't have any reason to lay into her. But if my wife says, like, hey, I don't I just got a tough ass. That's the same thing I would say to anybody who says anything about what I say. Drew, if I ever had a I'm sorry, I'm going to fix that. No, no, no, I'd say, all right. So what? Who cares? Fire me, divorce me, or just shut up.

58:20 Caller No four carat diamond rings yet.

58:21 Adam Now, listen, I'm not in all that I'm not into this thing in a relationship where we were where the guy like Drew does, where you have to spend your whole life on the ropes, apologizing, sending flowers. Listen, I build the houses, I spend the money, I make a thousand times more and she does and I give her a good life. Good. Now, quiet down.

58:41 Caller And she gets to spend the money.

58:43 Adam Absolutely. Yeah, I'm just not going to get on the ropes. Drew over here is apologizing and backpedaling and kissing his ass and her ass and everyone else's ass. Drew goes to the Playboy Mansion to do a politically incorrect a few years ago. His wife starts screaming at him.

58:58 Drew You went to the Playboy Mansion with them. You never told me you lied. Drew's like, I'm sorry.

59:04 Adam That was dishonest. Look, and here's the other thing, too, with women.

59:09 Drew They're like kids. They'll start spinning out.

59:11 Adam They'll get out of control.

59:12 Caller That's not true.

59:13 Adam Yes.

59:13 Caller You can't say that.

59:14 Drew Oh, absolutely. Are you kidding?

59:17 Caller That's not true.

59:18 Adam Listen, here's the deal with women.

59:20 Drew God bless them.

59:24 Adam They're good at certain things, but their minds are slightly more feeble than guys and they will spin out. They will. Drew's wife is already out of control. That's it. That horse has got out in the barn. There's nothing you can do about it. And Drew should keep her in check, but he doesn't. Drew, why don't you?

59:39 Caller She's great. What are you talking about?

59:40 Adam Okay. She's dynamite laid. He's scared to talk now. All I'm saying is, is I don't do anything wrong. I'm not cheating. I'm not screwing around. I'm not doing anything like that. So I got nothing to apologize for.

59:52 Caller And that's all that matters to every woman.

59:54 Caller Well, no, I apologize if I don't pay attention. I do something that inadvertently hurts somebody.

59:59 Adam You're apologizing for going to the Playboy Mansion to do politically incorrect the week Bill Maher does politically incorrect from the Playboy Mansion. And you rush out of there at 830 so you can get to this gig. You have to apologize to your wife if you went to a pajama party at the Playboy Mansion. You need to tug her chain a little.

1:00:20 Caller That's not apologizing. Apologizing is when you're dating somebody and you stumble upon something. You stumble upon the porn collection. That's like you're talking about weird porn. That's when you start apologizing. I know, Drew. You're already doing your job. You don't apologize for that.

1:00:32 Caller Adam does not apologize for that either, though.

1:00:33 Caller Yeah. Well, you would if this was your collection. You'd be apologizing.

1:00:37 Caller Was this your collection?

1:00:38 Caller No, no, no, no, no. Somebody I dated.

1:00:40 Caller What was in it?

1:00:42 Adam Weird?

1:00:43 Caller Was it weird? Yeah, it was weird. There was a lot of it and it was really creepy and it was hidden under T-shirts.

1:00:48 Adam Was it from Germany?

1:00:50 Caller No Shizer films, no.

1:00:51 Adam Germany is the weirdest of everything.

1:00:53 Caller No, it was weird though. What was it?

1:00:57 Caller Animals?

1:00:58 Caller No, no, no, no. Nothing like that.

1:01:00 Adam You're one of these people that just thinks all porn is weird.

1:01:03 Caller No, that's not true. I mean, it's not my thing, but it's obviously not my thing.

1:01:07 Adam Well, look, if it wasn't animal porn.

1:01:09 Caller You're in the military.

1:01:11 Adam What kind of porn was it?

1:01:13 Caller I don't want to say.

1:01:14 Adam All right, well, that's enough. We're done then. You got to say what kind of porn it is or we're done.

1:01:22 Caller And we're done. I have a morality clause. I can't say.

1:01:26 Adam That's fine. Shut her mic.

1:01:28 Caller Chris, shut the mic.

1:01:29 Caller What does it have to do with?

1:01:32 Adam It's off. Brian.

1:01:34 Caller Hello.

1:01:35 Adam Oh, look.

1:01:35 Caller She's writing it down. She's writing it down for you.

1:01:37 Adam No. Yeah. Mike's still off. Brian. Hello. You're 23. Yes. Female?

1:01:43 Caller Females or males?

1:01:44 Female.

1:01:45 Adam Oh, true. Please.

1:01:47 Caller That's what you were talking about, Adam.

1:01:49 Adam Brian.

1:01:49 Caller This guy's into the stuff that you were talking about.

1:01:51 Adam We're moving ahead with the show.

1:01:52 Caller The world is his oyster.

1:01:53 Adam We're moving forward with the show. Thank you. Brian.

1:01:57 Hello. Yes.

1:01:58 Adam You're 23?

1:01:59 Caller Yeah.

1:02:00 Adam What's up?

1:02:02 Caller Well, I moved out of my house about four years ago and I started living a homosexual lifestyle. I always had these feelings and things and I started acting out them, but it just, I never felt any sort of fulfillment through the relationships I was going through.

1:02:18 Caller It sounds like you're talking about somebody else. He moved out. He lived a homosexual lifestyle.

1:02:24 Caller I mean, well.

1:02:25 Caller You like men? That's your thing. Were you sexually abused growing up?

1:02:30 Caller I was actually.

1:02:31 Caller By male?

1:02:32 Caller Yes. By an older boy about down the street.

1:02:35 Caller Have you resolved that stuff? I mean, again, we generally say that that can set up the orientation, but once it's there, it's there.

1:02:44 Adam It's there. What are you going to do?

1:02:47 Caller Well, what I'm saying is now that I've done this and everything, people that I'm with are saying, well, I'm sorry, you are how you are. And my whole thing is I don't want to. I'm not feeling any sort of acceptance or fulfillment in my life at all to this point. I mean, honestly, it's like I've gone to college. I've lived a life that I thought I wanted. I thought that it would make me feel better because I was always like, I always felt like I was hiding, hiding from what I really wanted, what I really felt like who I was. And then I went out and lived it and it was like, Can you put him on hold for a second?

1:03:26 Caller I'm not feeling it.

1:03:27 Adam No.

1:03:28 Caller What's the deal here?

1:03:29 Adam He's changed gears a little bit.

1:03:31 Caller A couple of times, I kept expecting a punch line almost because it's like I didn't feel it. I mean, it might be real, it might be part of the way he's sort of.

1:03:40 Adam Well, he's, he's having a, I mean, he's, he's trying to get us to feel it. I'm just not sure if he feels it.

1:03:49 Caller And that it's maybe that dissociation that we're picking up on.

1:03:52 Adam But boy, it's like, Yeah, but it's not the flat aspect. We don't feel it. It's the, it's almost feels like bad acting.

1:04:00 Caller Right, exactly.

1:04:01 Adam But as we've talked about in the past, a certain percentage of society doesn't sound believable.

1:04:07 Caller Right. That's right. No, that's right.

1:04:08 Adam No matter what they do.

1:04:09 Caller I'm not getting a question.

1:04:12 Adam Keanu Reeves is one of those.

1:04:13 Caller Oh, man.

1:04:14 Adam When that segment of society, no matter what comes out of his mouth, it's not believable. Ironically, he's an actor, but, all right, so what's the question? Brian? Uh-huh. What college did you go to?

1:04:29 Caller I went to BYU-Idaho. Brigham University of Idaho.

1:04:35 Adam You got one of those?

1:04:36 Caller Yeah. I'm, I am LDS, Mormon.

1:04:40 Adam Wow.

1:04:42 Caller And so, are you not able to tell anybody about this because of that?

1:04:47 Caller I hide in what, what I'm trying to ask you, what I'm trying to get across is, as I'm struggling through this with your, you know, your sex therapist, whatever, is it possible for me to switch this orientation, these desires that I have? I mean, everyone I go to says you're hiding who you are, you need to be who you are.

1:05:09 Caller Well.

1:05:09 Caller You need to change.

1:05:11 Caller The current evidence suggests that once this, whatever the wiring is that sets up sexual orientation is set, it's pretty much set. Now, there are people out there who claim they can change people's orientation. That is certainly not mainstream thought. And people actually believe they might be screwing people up a little bit by trying to do that.

1:05:31 Adam You do that move where you take the penis and you put it in the Bible and you just slap it like the clapper when you're making a movie.

1:05:38 Caller Teaching a lesson.

1:05:38 Adam When you slate.

1:05:39 Caller Yeah.

1:05:39 Adam You know, you're making a movie, slap. That's the only effective way I can think of. Hey, Brian.

1:05:45 Caller Yeah.

1:05:47 Adam OK, here's the problem. All right. Now, I talk to Drew about this. So you start off. You're not going to be gay. Right. That's the way you go. Your family is Mormon. And then he saves Mormon family. What's the LDS? It's Latter Day Saints. Does everyone need five names? Can we just stick with Mormon? It says more confused. And I thought LDS was like a Lou Gehrig's disease or something. That's ALS. OK. Let's see how confusing this is. Here's the point. You start off straight as an arrow. You got the Mormon family. Then all of a sudden some guy gets holding you down the street and he gets in during the formative years. And you're like a young sprout. Here's what I want to say. If a full grown tree, full grown oak tree, you could hang a tire swing on it. The whole tree is not going to lurch to that side. The roots are in the ground. It ain't going anywhere. But when it's a young sapling and you start pulling it to one side, it's going to end up growing that way.

1:06:48 Caller And then trying to pull it back.

1:06:49 Adam Wasn't meant to grow that way. But you put weight on it and that weight was the guy down the street who was molesting this kid. Now it's growing that way. Once it starts growing that way, what do you think you're going to do? Bend it back? No. It breaks if you try to bend it back. There's nothing you can do about it. OK. But now he's feeling sort of trapped because he's feeling like the guy who wasn't supposed to be gay, but he is gay.

1:07:11 Caller Well, he doesn't want to be gay, which a lot of young males who are gay feel. They want to deny it. They want to change it. They want to...

1:07:17 Adam I also feel like he feels like this wasn't his destiny, but that this guy caused him to go that direction. So now what do you do? Because, you know, as a part of the start, just start, you know, just hunker down with guys. But I mean, it's like, really?

1:07:32 Caller Yeah, that's one way to do it. I mean, that's that would be the mainstream way of doing it, really.

1:07:38 Adam I know, but really, because some buddy, some guy down the street put his hand on your underoos.

1:07:43 Caller You'll always appreciate it. We'll take it back to you. We're going to undo your preoccupation with the big breasts.

1:07:48 Adam How dare you?

1:07:49 Caller OK, that's it. End of discussion. Yes.

1:07:52 Adam You take that back. Take it back.

1:07:55 Caller I take it back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You can just tell me not to apologize. But look, right? You know, how are we going to do that? Take that out of you. Even if we took it out of you, you know, and let you live in a small breasted world.

1:08:08 Caller What would happen? Quiet.

1:08:10 Caller You understand?

1:08:10 Adam Yes.

1:08:11 Caller And I don't know. You know, again, it was your mom's neglect and the abuse and all that stuff. You suffered. You created the preoccupation with parts of women's bodies.

1:08:18 Adam How dare you speak of my mother?

1:08:20 Caller I beg your pardon.

1:08:21 Adam A woman is a saint.

1:08:22 Caller Just in the abstract. If your mother had behaved like that.

1:08:25 Adam But the point is, is we don't live in a society that comes down on guys who like a big set of cans.

1:08:31 Caller Right.

1:08:31 Adam We, we, I was able to do a TV show about that, make some money. We do. Well, they're just queer eye for the straight guy. Okay. So it is, it is, it's more complicated than just saying, listen, go for what you know or be who you are.

1:08:46 Caller No, that's right.

1:08:47 Adam Here's what I would say. I would say if you got molested by the guy down the street for a long period of time, you need therapy.

1:08:53 Caller You need to look into that. Just from that. Just that regardless of your age.

1:08:56 Adam So that's it. Don't, don't be tortured. I know it's, it's hard to tell someone not to be tortured, but don't make a move. Hey, I'm gay. I'm straight ahead. Say, hey, I'm a guy needs to be in some therapy. I'm going to sort some things out, get my head together, take a little time off and then I'm going to come back into the game with a clear head and whatever direction I go. That'll be the one I choose. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:09:28 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's most trusted condom for over 80 years.

1:09:53 Adam All right, Fox.

1:09:54 Caller We're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about it. We're going to talk about it.

1:09:57 Adam We're going to talk about it. Whatever, whatever. All right, Drew, did you use this pen? I have. I just is it horribly unsatisfying to write with this pen? It's too thin. Yeah, yeah.

1:10:10 Caller Yeah, we're used to the big fat pens.

1:10:12 Adam No, not big fat. I've said it once. I'll say it a thousand times. Like you go to you go to the goddamn store to buy pens. It's like it comes in fine, extra fine and dental instrument. Is there anyone you know that like, you know that thing when you're riding with the pen and it feels like you're scratching like you're in... We're going to talk about it. Take a piece of charcoal and rub it over the top. It's negative will appear. We just make regular pens. Everyone likes a medium pen. No one likes the super ultra fine writing instrument. What are we doing?

1:10:48 Caller Kids like that.

1:10:49 Adam No, they don't. No, but it feels like you're scratching and everything looks ugly. You get a nice little thick, nice medium stream there. It looks nice. I can't stand this. What is this? How come everything's ultra super fine? And that probably isn't even ultra fine. That's just regular.

1:11:03 Caller That's fine.

1:11:04 Drew Bye.

1:11:10 Adam And I'm going to.

1:11:17 Caller I also can't use these little pens anymore. They got to be fan.

1:11:19 Adam And what's this feel like when you're drawing?

1:11:21 Caller Like you're using a toothpick.

1:11:23 Adam Yeah, it's nice. And this is fine.

1:11:25 Drew Oh, but I like the ultra super fine, super old, it's so fine. You can't read it.

1:11:32 Adam The hell's going on with this society, Drew?

1:11:34 Drew Who took a vote and said, we only like super ultra fine pens?

1:11:40 Caller Somebody must buy them or they would not manufacture them.

1:11:42 Adam But people are stupid, that's why. Christina? Yeah.

1:11:49 Caller What's wrong with me?

1:11:50 Caller I'm in a relationship and I don't know.

1:11:52 Adam Hold on a second. Let me say this too, along with all that kind of stuff. I don't know why it just popped in my head, but I've been yelling about this in the past too. Why is every goddamn pair of shoes I have, have tennis shoes, the shoelaces are 27 inches long on both sides. So I gotta try triple knot and then trip over it.

1:12:10 Drew Who does this?

1:12:11 Adam Who manufactures these things?

1:12:14 Drew Really? You don't put a foot in your goddamn shoe and tie a bow? You need an extra 17 inches hanging off the goddamn thing? What is that? Are we just being aft with? What is that?

1:12:25 Adam Does corporate America get together and go, yeah, let's get my choice between super ultra fine and ultra super fine and drive them nuts. And then you know what we'll do? Hey Bob, I got a great idea. Every pair of tennis shoes we sell, 28 inch laces hanging off each side. So they got to double knot everything and then tuck the extra 14 inches into the shoes that don't step on.

1:12:47 Drew Hey Bert, hold on.

1:12:49 Adam I don't want to be a nace here, but what if they just clip them and cut them short?

1:12:52 Caller No, they can't.

1:12:53 Drew They can't because they'll fray.

1:12:54 Adam They don't have the little stays at the end.

1:12:56 Caller It'll unravel that way. Good, good job.

1:12:59 Adam And what about dress shoes? Should we make those long?

1:13:02 Caller No, no, we'll make them too short.

1:13:04 Adam We'll make them too short. That'll really get them.

1:13:07 Caller And make them out of rock.

1:13:08 Adam Yeah, we'll make them out of catgut with no flexibility to them. And at the time when they're using tweezers, that's great. OK, tennis shoes way too long.

1:13:18 Drew Dress shoes way too short. Pins extra super ultra fine.

1:13:22 Adam All right. Well, it's just trying to get everyone to kill themselves because that's what I would do if I was trying to get people to kill themselves, I would subtly F with them that way.

1:13:32 Drew I have 30 pair of tennis shoes.

1:13:34 Adam I just sit there and think, what am I going to do with all the I could, if you took the extra lace I have on every pair of tennis shoes I've owned over my life, you could turn the world into a yo-yo. You could wrap it around the world 15 times and walk the dog and do cats in the cradle with the world. Do you understand? Did they save money by handing out extra laces?

1:13:59 Drew Is that cheaper?

1:13:59 Caller It's hard to understand.

1:14:01 Drew Is a 46 inch lace cheaper than a 22 inch lace? Well, what is it?

1:14:07 Caller Yeah, it's weird.

1:14:08 Drew Whose foot is that goddamn wide that it would use up that kind of lace on that tennis shoe?

1:14:13 Caller Nobody.

1:14:13 Drew There would have to be 13 inches of just open span of your foot.

1:14:18 Caller Yes.

1:14:19 Adam Like Shaq would have to squeeze into my shoe in order to use the lace up that it's there for.

1:14:25 Drew And then it would be the wrong shoe for the size foot.

1:14:28 Caller Right, completely.

1:14:29 Drew Has anyone ever talked about this? Can we get to the bottom of this?

1:14:34 Adam Why?

1:14:35 Drew I don't understand. You walk on it, they get all filthy. You go into the men's room.

1:14:39 Adam They sit in a puddle of urine.

1:14:41 Drew Got the double bow.

1:14:42 Adam Oh no, and then everyone's got a tip.

1:14:44 Drew I wrap mine around my ankle three or four times.

1:14:46 Adam Cut the circulation off.

1:14:48 Drew Then I do a double bow and I tuck the extra up my ass. What is that?

1:14:53 Caller I can't imagine.

1:14:54 Drew Look, figure out how much you need for a normal bow and that's the goddamn shoe length. That's the length of the lace.

1:15:00 Adam I'd say I'm just eyeballing it here, Drew, but I'll tell you what I need on the side of my shoe. I need about nine inches.

1:15:06 Caller At most. That's tops.

1:15:08 Adam Here's my range. Seven and a half to nine. Nine and a quarter. Seven and a half to nine. Nine and five, 16.

1:15:13 Drew Seven and a half to nine and five, 16. That's the range I need.

1:15:17 Adam I got 26 inches hanging off the thing.

1:15:19 Caller That should, by the way, satisfy everybody.

1:15:20 Adam You know what they're hoping? They're hoping we'll hang ourselves with that extra lace. That's what they're playing. That's what I'm saying.

1:15:27 Drew Tennis shoes, 1,000 feet.

1:15:29 Adam And here's the thing, too.

1:15:31 Drew All right, maybe, okay.

1:15:32 Caller Maybe it's one lace.

1:15:33 Adam No, no, no.

1:15:34 Caller And they have to cover the high tops and everything.

1:15:36 Adam No, no, no, no, no. Because the high tops, you gotta wrap twice around here. Whenever I play hoop, it's like, oh, what do I do with all this extra lace? The high tops gotta be doubled. They just do the percentage. It's the same thing. It's just longer. It's like, we need to have 70% more lace than is actually usable. And I don't care if it's a wrestling boot that goes up to your kneecap. It's gonna have, that'll be 40 feet of extra lace we'll have to put on that. Or if you're just wearing just a little deck shoe that has three little crossovers, that's gonna be just 14 inches. Yeah, it's perfect. It's great. Let's all kill ourselves. Let's all hang ourselves by these laces or let's stab ourselves through the jugular with the extra fine pen. You don't even feel them going in like syringes.

1:16:18 Caller Christina. Now you go.

1:16:21 Caller I was wondering, is there something wrong with me? I'm in a relationship and I don't know whether or not I should go forward with having sex with him because I'm not usually sexually active and I'm not a virgin. But the thing is with me is I don't find pleasure in sex.

1:16:39 Caller Meaning you don't want it and it isn't pleasant when you do it?

1:16:42 Caller No, I want it. I want pleasure. I just don't feel it. There's nothing there.

1:16:49 Adam Well, now when you say nothing there, you mean you're not feeling pleasure or you're feeling like numb?

1:16:57 Caller I'm feeling like, what am I doing numb?

1:17:01 Caller What am I doing numb? But not physically numb, like you're dissociated from parts of your body.

1:17:06 Adam I give A or B and they go A and a half.

1:17:12 Caller I just don't have that feeling.

1:17:14 Caller Are you on a medication?

1:17:16 Caller No, I'm not on a medication.

1:17:18 Adam Here's what I'm saying. This is quite true. You can eat food that you don't like and you just don't seem to enjoy it. Then you can go to the dentist, get your gums numbed up, get a bunch of fillings and eat something. Even if it's something you like, you can't taste it. It doesn't feel right. Do you know what I'm saying?

1:17:35 Caller Yeah.

1:17:36 Adam Is this a problem where you physically can't feel yourself down there? It just feels like someone iced you down or it's numb, or it's just you're just not interested?

1:17:54 Caller It's not physically numb. I don't feel it. There's no satisfaction out of it.

1:18:00 Adam Just say it's not physically numb, but I just don't enjoy it. I don't feel it because...

1:18:07 Caller Feeling suggests numb, right? Not feeling numb.

1:18:09 Adam Sad lesson. I'm going to start talking about love first and foremost.

1:18:13 Drew What's with the tassels?

1:18:17 Caller Is there something wrong with me?

1:18:19 Adam Well, have you ever been abused or raped or anything?

1:18:22 Caller When I was younger, I was sexually assaulted, but that has never happened. I was, I believe, 12.

1:18:29 Caller And what happened?

1:18:31 Caller He basically... I was dragged into a room and I was assaulted.

1:18:35 Adam Who did this?

1:18:36 Caller What does assaulted mean? What happened?

1:18:38 Caller I was in a group home and... It wasn't a staff. It was a co-ed group home.

1:18:46 Caller And why were you in a group home?

1:18:49 Caller Both my parents passed away. Car accidents.

1:18:55 Adam Accidents, though?

1:18:57 Caller Yeah, they were...

1:18:58 Adam They were not the same one.

1:18:59 Caller They what?

1:19:00 Caller Yeah.

1:19:01 Adam They're both what?

1:19:02 Caller They were both drug related.

1:19:04 Caller Okay.

1:19:04 Adam They both were like high and got into an accident?

1:19:09 Caller Well, what it is is both my parents were drug addicts. My dad died when I was three and my mom died when I was nine.

1:19:14 Adam Right. But both in a car?

1:19:16 Caller Both in car accidents, yeah.

1:19:19 Adam Well, Christina's had a tough life. Our life is miserable now, too. Just trying to get stuff out of her.

1:19:26 Caller Yeah. But I mean, the only thing is, is I was living in the group home. I went upstairs to go get something out of my room and he grabbed me and dragged me in his room and just.

1:19:35 Adam How old was he?

1:19:36 Caller He was 16.

1:19:38 Adam And you were 12.

1:19:39 Caller Yeah.

1:19:40 Adam All right. So that's pretty heavy. And then your parents being drug addicts is pretty heavy. And then your parents dying is pretty heavy. So it's really amazing that you're even where you are now. Yeah. Are you in any therapy?

1:19:56 Caller I was in therapy for a while. And actually, I just got my own apartment and living on my own. And it's really good for me because I think I need to be by myself.

1:20:05 Adam Do you work?

1:20:06 Caller Yeah, I work.

1:20:08 Caller Were you sexually compulsive at one time? You've always been kind of shut down.

1:20:15 Caller I didn't really think about it.

1:20:17 Caller That's good. That's the best alternative outcome to these kinds of situations. All right.

1:20:21 Adam So here's the thing. It's going to be a while before your vagina points to true north. It's a compass that's been with a bunch of magnets around it.

1:20:32 Caller Just be really careful. Go very slow. Don't have relationships for a while. Maybe go back into therapy. It's going to be tough for you to be intimate. It's going to be tough for you to really be physically close to someone and get to a point where you like sex. Hopefully, you'll find somebody with whom you feel safe enough and attracted enough to that you can start to do this. But you're 18, take your time, maybe a long time before you start to feel something more satisfying.

1:20:57 Adam And by the way, those group homes, I mean, what do they think goes on in those places?

1:21:02 Caller Co-ed group home.

1:21:04 Adam I mean, just a bunch of screwed up kids who are victims of abuse. Show me some 16-year-old kid whose pops was beating on him and physically and sexually abusing him his whole life and then dump him off with some 11- and 12-year-old chicks. Tommy, that's your side of the hall. You're saying we're going on the honor system. No rape. By the way, act of violence. The sexual crimes.

1:21:30 Caller So in other words, if that same child had gone in and ripped off some celery from the refrigerator and then and came, same as rape.

1:21:39 Adam Same as rape. So we were talking about earlier in the show that rape is not an act of sex.

1:21:45 Caller I'm not sure I got another example.

1:21:46 Adam But it's an act of violence where you come.

1:21:48 Caller So what else could you have done would have been the same crime at that group home as raping?

1:21:52 Adam Sometimes they keep a change bucket. The like in the ashtray. Let's say the parents will come home. They'll empty. You'll oftentimes do this. You'll take your extra change. Maybe just meter money or throw it in an ashtray. You'll throw in a tray by the front door. Oftentimes by the entryway.

1:22:08 Caller Oftentimes, yes.

1:22:09 Adam Stealing that handful of nickels, quarters and dimes is the same as rape. It's a crime. But you've got to come in the jar, in the actual tray. That's right. That's right. You stick them all together and you make a paperweight out of the change.

1:22:27 Caller That's a crime.

1:22:27 Adam Truce laughing based on something that was funny an hour and a half ago.

1:22:31 Caller This seems never never evergreen.

1:22:33 Adam Well, it's just the fact that everyone is always very. And everyone, all the women's groups are always very clear to do that. Right. Right. Right. It's not a sex. It's not a sexual crime. It's a crime. It's a crime. It's a crime of violence. It's a crime of violence, which is some of some somehow makes it OK. And and it's a crime. It's a crime of violence where you come, which is I try to explain to everyone the sexual to me, by the way, it can be a sexual crime. That still means it's bad.

1:23:04 Caller That's right.

1:23:04 Adam Like like they always.

1:23:05 Caller They can be both violent and sexual. Right. Which is really the point.

1:23:09 Adam They can. And they always do that thing, though. I don't know why all the women's groups are always into this, though, like where you go like, well, anyway, she's a rape victim, rape survivor, rape survivor. Really? Not a victim? No, no. Survivor. When when you get, you know, carjacked, you're you're victim, right? I mean, you get hit by a drunk driver, you're a victim when someone breaks in your house and assaults you. A victim. This is I thought this was a violent. It's a violent crime of violence, isn't it?

1:23:39 Caller Only when we're not a victim, though.

1:23:40 Adam But how do you be a victim? I'm a survivor. It's angry chicks saying, you're not going to tell me what this is. I'll just correct you.

1:23:49 Caller Well, also the lack of understanding the motivational systems of males. They can't imagine how violence and sex could go together and how, you know, how sex could be so aggressively, you know, biologically.

1:24:00 Adam I just say I have the ultimate trump card here and that the guy busts a nut during the act of the crime, which to me, call me crazy, turns into something sexual.

1:24:11 Drew I'm a loony that way.

1:24:13 Caller What are you talking about? You've just went through a list of crimes where it's the same.

1:24:16 Adam It's no different than safe cracking if you come. You got to come while you're cracking the safe. All right. I found Drew's comic Achilles seal. All right. We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:24:30 Caller Thank you for calling Loveline.

1:24:32 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting. Call Loveline.

1:24:46 Adam Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Let's see, next week, Sarah Rue is going to be in here from Less Than Perfect. Bob Guinea is going to be in here. He's The Bachelor. He's the guy who's in The Bachelor. He's a little bit husky, but everyone loved him a couple of years ago, or maybe last season even, and now they brought him back as The Bachelor. He was vying for the love of The Bachelorette. He got down to about the end, but he got cut right at the end. He's back. Then Bruce Campbell. Bruce Campbell is, oh man, let's see, sort of a cult star, Evil Dead, and also did all the Sam Raimi films that are really cool, if you guys haven't checked them out. I was all, all. Call Loveline. I'm not gonna give you a whole lot of information, everybody, but you always figure out the person who no one's heard of and you've never heard of, and then wander out loud on air who this person could be. Okay, don't do that. I gotta figure out this other Bruce Campbell. Hey, Anderson. Can you hear me, Anderson? What do you do besides the Evil Dead? What was the big one?

1:26:35 Caller Oh, Army of Darkness.

1:26:36 Adam Army of Darkness.

1:26:37 Caller He's in all three of them, they're like, it's a trilogy.

1:26:39 Adam Yeah, did you see those movies?

1:26:40 Caller Yes, I did.

1:26:41 Adam Did you enjoy them?

1:26:42 Caller Loved Evil Dead 2.

1:26:58 Adam He's a great comedic actor. Yeah, real likable, real nice looking. Just a slapstick, funny guy, good guy. So looking forward to meeting him next week. All right, where is we drew? AC. Yeah, AC has been on hole. Oh baby, what's up?

1:27:19 Caller Well, I have an exploration problem. Three years ago, we had a kid together, and the minute I told him I was pregnant, he said he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me.

1:27:32 Drew Okay.

1:27:39 Caller Thank you. Call Loveline. Call Loveline.

1:27:44 Adam Call Loveline.

1:27:46 Caller Call Loveline. Loveline. Call Loveline.

1:27:50 Caller Loveline. Call Loveline.

1:27:51 Caller Loveline. Call Loveline. Loveline. Call Loveline.

1:27:56 Caller Loveline. Loveline.

1:27:59 Caller Call Loveline. I'm going to start with the first one.

1:28:13 Caller I'm going to start with the first one.

1:28:15 Adam I'm going to start with the first one. I'm going to start with the first one. I'm going to start with the first one.

1:28:27 Caller I'm going to start with the first one. I'm going to start with the first one. I'm going to start with the first one. Loveline. Call Loveline.

1:28:40 Caller But it wouldn't relate to you.

1:28:42 Adam And it sounds to me to more like he broke up with his girlfriend or something. You think he got dumped on, or someone dumped him, or what?

1:28:52 Caller You know what, here's our advice.

1:28:53 Adam You think he's done, you think he had a relationship that ended?

1:28:57 Caller Yeah, our advice is a bad guy.

1:28:59 Adam Yeah, a bad guy.

1:29:00 Caller Close this door, get on with life.

1:29:02 Adam Yeah.

1:29:02 Caller Leave this guy behind. Sorry. Thankfully, there's nothing attached to him anymore.

1:29:06 Adam Yeah.

1:29:07 Caller Be done with it.

1:29:08 Adam And listen, here's a thing. This is, it's as if, it's as if you were walking with your, it's like you're walking with your wife, you're walking with your girlfriend. Some guy jumps out of a bush, he's holding a knife. You take your wife, put her in front of you, use her as a shield, push her at the guy, and say, take her and run the other way. And then the guy, you find out that the guy was kidding. That's just a, you showed your colors.

1:29:35 Caller Yes, this guy showed.

1:29:36 Adam It doesn't matter now that, it's just the guy was just kidding. We're just testing you. No, you failed.

1:29:42 Caller No, yeah. This is who he is.

1:29:43 Adam He showed himself.

1:29:44 Caller Yes. Fine.

1:29:46 Adam And I'm guessing he just got dumped on and he swung back over there. Imagine a three-year-old that way. Let me ask you this, Drew. I really, I know this sounds insensitive, but is there something that makes this easier, having a kid when you're 17, 18, and losing them at three, than having a kid when you're 33 and losing them at three?

1:30:10 Caller Probably.

1:30:10 Adam Do you know what I mean? There's a sense of, geez, I'm a kid myself. B, there's gonna be more kids.

1:30:16 Caller Relief too, yeah, more time.

1:30:17 Adam And not that this is ever a good thing, but I'm just, and just in general, you're just more plowed. It's like an injury. It's better to break your, better break your knee at 18 than it is at 38.

1:30:28 Caller I don't know any literature to support this, but I suspect you're right.

1:30:30 Adam I was just based on AC not sounding.

1:30:33 Caller Too bad.

1:30:33 Adam I wouldn't call her devastated. All right, anyway, baby doll, don't worry about this guy. You find a good guy and don't get pregnant for a while. Don't try to make this up or replace this or do any of that.

1:30:43 Caller It's bad for the kid that does the replacing.

1:30:45 Adam That's right.

1:30:46 Caller Danny?

1:30:47 Adam Danny?

1:30:48 Caller Hello?

1:30:49 Adam Danny, you're 19. Right. That's what we said twice.

1:30:57 Caller Here we go.

1:30:59 Caller So, yeah, I'm in the adult entertainment industry, which means I do films and- You know, and I've been finding so much judgment, you know, from friends and, you know, I mean, some family members, of course.

1:31:22 Adam You stinking whore. No, that wasn't me judging. No. Yeah, families judge. I remember my dad, when my sister got into hardcore porn, he judged. That's probably, my dad would have been the best guy in the world to do that with because he wouldn't have gotten off the sofa. But yeah, so people judge, right? How much do you get per movie?

1:31:44 Caller Actually, I get paid incredibly well. It's an insane amount for, my last suit was 1300 and it was a boy-girl scene. Usually you make about six to 700. If you're really good, 900. But this guy really takes care of us.

1:32:02 Caller So. You see, at that 19, that seems like an insane amount of money. It's not.

1:32:07 Adam It is, it is one of these funny businesses in that, and that when I was 19, I was making 375 an hour and my pay scale went up as I got older. In the porn, as you get older, because when you get into your 40s, it's like, listen, we'll give you a diet coke and here's four dollars, here's bus money. Now blow that guy.

1:32:28 Caller But then she's sacrificing so much for this just nominal amounts of money in the big picture.

1:32:34 Adam 1300's 1300.

1:32:36 Caller It seems like, it seems like.

1:32:37 Adam Drew, you'll do 10 colleges for 1300 bucks in Poughkeepsie. Are you kidding me? All right, so listen, Danny, what's your question?

1:32:45 Caller I mean, right now, I'm finding out a lot more about myself. And, you know, I mean, for the first time in like, I mean, I've been sexually active since I was 13.

1:32:56 Adam Okay, listen, Danny, we're out of time. Here's the problem. People judging is probably right. And it's probably not a great road for you to go down the porn road. You stinking whore. Thank you. We're just, we're out of time. Let's try to talk to Danny tomorrow night.

1:33:10 Caller And the screeners get their phone number. We'll pick up tomorrow.

1:33:13 Adam We'll take quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:15 Caller Here it is.

1:33:16 Drew Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:33:18 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:33:21 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

1:33:35 Caller With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:33:50 Caller You're just late.

1:33:50 Caller You may get out of here.

1:33:52 Adam I just asked junior, producer Lauren what she's learned from doing this radio show.

1:34:00 Caller Watching us work.

1:34:01 Adam She said, well, you don't have to prepare.

1:34:04 Caller You don't be educated.

1:34:05 Adam You get to leave early. You don't have to be that educated.

1:34:07 Caller Not educated.

1:34:08 Adam You'll be uneducated, be good. It's luck and it's who you know. And what else? I think there's another one or two on there. Well, whatever it is.

1:34:20 Caller But she's speaking for herself.

1:34:22 Caller No, she's talking about what she's learned from watching Adam and me work.

1:34:26 Adam Yes.

1:34:27 Caller But she could be speaking for herself as well.

1:34:29 Adam Oh, that's possible. That's possible. For her job. All right, Anderson, quiet down or I'm gonna ask her what it takes.

1:34:35 Caller To be an engineer.

1:34:35 Adam To be an engineer. She's gonna say a mouth that can fit a lot of penis in it. All right, so we're gonna take ourselves a little break. Next time it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:48 Caller And family members, of course.

1:34:50 Adam You stinkin whore. No, that wasn't me judging.

1:34:57 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback

Tuesday, September 23, 2003