Episode 1000570972445

0:55 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 Voiceover Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:59 Drew There you go.

2:16 Adam Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Drew always looks around for his cheat sheet that has the lyrics.

2:24 Drew Fantastic. I thought that was always just Westwood One that had those big giant gaffes.

2:32 Adam I don't know. Ask Anderson if we're on the air, Chris.

2:35 You're on the air, right?

2:37 Drew We're on the air. How about that? So, Adam, what's your name?

2:40 Voiceover This is Loveline.

2:41 Drew How about that?

2:41 Adam Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew Nickelback in studio tonight. Chad and Ryan have been here in over 2 years, but not much over 2 years.

2:53 Drew And boys, a lot happened to them in those 2 years.

2:56 Adam Sold over 9 million albums worldwide.

3:00 We attribute most of that to you guys.

3:02 Adam Well, that's what I'm sort of heading that direction. Yeah.

3:06 I'm hoping for the same success for the next record.

3:08 Adam The new CD is coming out tomorrow and you can start picking it up tomorrow. Although you should be able to start picking it up after midnight, tonight, somewhere. Don't you guys normally do that rock and roll way?

3:23 I think they do some sort of thing like that where there's some places where there are big Nickelback followings.

3:29 Drew In other words, Adam, yes.

3:31 Adam Yes. All right.

3:32 Countdown clocks somewhere.

3:34 Adam Drew, let me ask you this, ask you a quiz and I'm going to let you look at my favor. What band in 2002 was the most played rock artist again in 2002?

3:48 Drew Nickelback.

3:48 Adam Nickelback. That's right. Canadian rocker Nickelback. Jesus Christ. Where are the American rockers? Do you know what I'm saying? They were on last week. All right. Screw them. Listen, as you know, I love Canada more and more each year and it's not really that Canada is getting any better. It's just that this country is getting worse. And so Canada looks better by comparison, right? That's what's happening. Oh, thank you. It's like we win by default. It's like America is one chick. Canada is another chick. One chick ain't getting better looking. The other one's getting fatter. So the one's not getting fatter is getting hotter in comparison. And that's Canada, everybody. That's a compliment.

4:30 Caller I like that. No, that's good.

4:31 Adam Yeah. All right. So we're going to play a song. We're going to talk to Nickelback. I'm guessing we should play that you want to just play the song, Ann? Yes. When Ann points at the song, that means it's time to play a song. We've been having some technical difficulties. Yes, we have, Drew.

4:46 Drew Oh, Chris. Unacceptable.

4:49 Adam And let me tell you what goes through my mind when we have technical difficulties. For the first 30 seconds from from 10 to 10 in 30 seconds, I'm thinking, let's solve these problems. After 30 seconds, I'm thinking, let's ride this and go home.

5:03 Drew Yeah, that's that's your we're going to see a film instead of go to class.

5:07 Adam Yeah, like like, you know, you know, I don't know if you guys had if you guys were horrible students like I was, but all you can think about is leaving no matter where you are. Yeah, I don't care. How do I get out of this? If you're going to like a blowjob Emporium, here's what we're going to do. Here's your night. We're going to smoke some weed or get some BJs or drink some Mickey's Big Mouth and you're going to watch big screen football and you're like, OK, oh, wait a minute. The door's locked. Great. Let's go home. Let's go home. Like, if there's a chance you can go home, you capitalize on it.

5:36 Drew Oh, it speaks. That really gave me a clear insight into things about your behavior that I've noticed over the years. Now I really get it.

5:43 Adam Yeah. When I when I used to swing a hammer, I wouldn't get paid if it rained one day.

5:48 Drew He gets upset if somebody else should be excited about going to that Emporium. Everybody should want to leave.

5:53 Adam Everyone should want to go.

5:54 Drew If I want to go, you're mad at me.

5:56 Adam But that's what I always tell the other people in school that if we all just got up and left right now, there's nothing they could do. Anarchist. Yeah. I mean, just as long as it's my idea. I feel the same way about speeding and really same about traffic violations. If everyone just drove at 90, there's nothing anyone could do. We could all do it and get away with it. And they would just have to raise the speed limit to 90.

6:21 You are an anarchist.

6:22 Adam Yep. I'm going to get I'm going to do it. I'm going to Nickelback. A pluralist. Give my 13 listeners to do it as well. All right, let's hear a little song off Nickelback's new CD, which is out tomorrow. And this is called Someday. Oh, no, I can't. Oh, that's the last. Wow, no, no, no, no. You know what all that is? All that is is these headphones, you have to turn almost all the way up in order to hear yourself. But I'm always scared because once in a while, you get that pow. That pow from the satellite, and it freaks you out, so anyway. Nickelback, everybody. Two years, two years too long, I say. But they're back, they got a new CD out, they're going on tour, CD's coming out tomorrow, and the tour starts, when's the tour start?

10:39 October. Middle October. I can't believe it's been two years since we signed.

10:43 Adam Feels like yesterday. And tours going everywhere.

10:46 Tours going everywhere.

10:47 Adam Then here's the thing, we're pretty much everywhere too, so what you can do is you just go to www.nickelback.com and then you find out when they're coming to a town near you.

10:59 Caller Exactly. To a theater near you.

11:01 Adam Adam?

11:02 Yeah.

11:03 Drew Adam?

11:04 Yeah.

11:04 Drew Oh boy, we're gonna have problems. Are we on the air?

11:07 Adam No, no, you know what? I bet everything works fine. This just always happens when we get off to a band.

11:12 Caller No, hey guys, can you hear me? Is that what's happened here? We're off to a, Oh, let's try it again.

11:16 Adam Not because of you guys.

11:17 Drew Adam 19.

11:19 Adam All right, watch, but watch, this one's gonna work. Luca, you see? Hello? I'm clairvoyant. All right, good, fine. I got stuff to talk about. Let me tell you what, I cannot gamble. I'm so cursed. I've been betting on football. I played the office football pool this week. Okay, so let me tell you what goes wrong with me and my, okay, office football pool. There's 14 guys in the pool, right? Last year, I mean, last week, it comes down to me and another chick. Chicks always win the office football pool. It's humiliating for guys. There should be a chick pool and a guy pool. And I'm sure the chick pool would average a much higher score, but at least the guy pool could feel like, hey, this was the guys and they'd be like a sport. Like, oh yeah, basketball, football, softball. Yeah, you girls play over there. Let the boys play over here. We'd have like a 38% winning percentage and they'd be up in the eighties. But at least we could feel like we weren't getting beat by chicks. There's always some goofball chick who wins every week. So anyway, it's me against the chick last week. We're tied going into the Monday Night Football game. And then you have to pick points in case there's a tie. So I take the combined score, the Monday Night Football game. I take like 44 last week. And as you know, it goes into overtime and it's like Giants 37 and Dallas 38 and whatever. 75 points scored. So I lose cause she's got like 46 and it goes over. This week, same thing. Me, same chick, down to the thing. Got the Raiders playing Denver. I got 48 points. That's my combined thing. She's got 42 points. All right?

12:57 Drew Same woman.

12:58 Adam Same woman. Denver's up 24-nothin at the half. All right. Like to see Raiders get on the board, but I'm right there. Halftime, I picked 48, we got 24. I'm feeling decent. Raiders come right out and score. Right after, right in the early third quarter. Then they kick a field goal. So it's 38, I think, what is it? Like, it's like, no, it's not 38, it's 31-10. And there's plenty of time left in the game. Then the Raiders block a punt and they drop two catch. Anyone watch this game at all? Everybody, two guys, Tim Brown and Jerry Rice, who they should now, he was bound for the Hall of Fame. I think he should be out now that he lost, he's bet. They both drop one in the end zone. Anyway, whole quarters played, Raiders dropped, nothing. They get a big goose egg, it goes down as 41, 42 points and I lose again.

13:52 Drew Oh my God.

13:52 Adam Dropping balls in the end zone.

13:54 Drew Not anybody dropping balls.

13:56 Adam Rice and Brown, two guys with 70 years experience, can't catch easy touchdown passes. And again, I lose. Again, I lose at the hands of a woman.

14:07 Caller At least you're not holding a grudge.

14:08 Adam Adam, no, I didn't sound bitter, did I?

14:10 Caller It doesn't sound bitter at all.

14:12 Adam Adam?

14:13 Drew Chris, are we on the air? Why can't we get our calls up?

14:19 Adam We can't hear Westwood 1.

14:20 Drew So what does that mean? It's gonna be a long night.

14:22 Adam It means. It's gonna be a liar. Nickelback is gonna have to do the dreidel song a cappella. Just a minute. Do you guys got that?

14:30 Drew I don't know. People are gonna have to drive up to the studio here, have to bring them in for questions.

14:35 Adam All right, well, wait a minute, Drew, we're professionals.

14:37 Drew Oh, just dance?

14:40 Adam What did Drew do today? How'd that go for you today?

14:42 Drew It's good, I did a bunch of television. Did a Riley. He was in a surprisingly good mood today.

14:48 Adam All right, we just killed 28 seconds, but it was boring. Kara? Now, that's not gonna work either.

14:56 Please hear me.

14:57 Drew Can you hear me? The calls aren't gonna work?

14:59 Can you hear me?

15:00 Drew No.

15:01 Hello.

15:01 Adam All right, let's interview the band.

15:04 Caller For two hours straight.

15:06 Drew We're gonna bore you in about five minutes.

15:09 Adam What's your favorite thing about the show so far?

15:12 Caller Well, you know.

15:13 Drew Communication.

15:14 Caller I was gonna wait till the 11 o'clock right for this, but Doc, you don't mind, do you?

15:18 Drew No, great, I what?

15:19 Adam We're gonna blow a little spleef in the studio tonight. And listen, kids, this is not something that you guys should be doing.

15:26 Caller Doc, can I, I'll just call you Drew.

15:28 Drew It's medicinal, don't worry.

15:29 Caller But tell me, now, for all of you people out there, this smoke weed, I have heard a little story and Drew is going to either confirm or deny. Does smoking marijuana increase the chances of you not getting an erection?

15:47 Drew Yes.

15:47 Caller Geez, what's with that?

15:49 Adam Well, but only if you're high and a doctor says yes. It really has no physical effect, it just freaks you out when you're high and a guy with MD at the end of his name says that. Drew, over years, over hundreds of years, right?

16:04 Drew No, no.

16:05 Adam No, but not.

16:05 Drew Even if you're just high a single time.

16:07 Adam High once?

16:08 Drew It can increase the probability.

16:11 Adam Just because you get up in your head a little bit.

16:12 Drew No, it's a, it is, is, is. Is it a physical thing? It works against that biology.

16:17 Adam Why?

16:18 Drew It's central nervous system depressant.

16:19 Caller No, it's just cause you're overthinking things.

16:21 Drew And for some people it has an opioid effect. An opioid is a very much works against sexual arousal.

16:25 Adam But technically, so does Booze, right?

16:28 Drew Yeah, Booze does too.

16:29 Adam Yeah, but I do better on a couple of Mickey's big mouths. I mean, that's.

16:32 Drew Sometimes, sometimes.

16:32 Adam I think I do better.

16:34 Drew You last longer, but if you go too far, it doesn't work at all. Doesn't work at all, that's right.

16:38 Adam All right, but is it as much as Booze? More, less?

16:42 Drew It's different for different people, but probably more.

16:44 Adam What about for Chad?

16:46 Drew For Chad, we'll have to tell us.

16:47 Adam Chad, how's the boner?

16:51 Well.

16:52 Adam Give it a seven or eight. Now, what about?

16:57 Caller It's strange. I have the best sex at night. I don't have good morning sex. Why do you think that is?

17:06 Adam Drew, what about that? And Drew, don't start checking out. We got no calls. We gotta have you stick with the program now.

17:12 Drew I'm listening. I'm thinking. I don't know of any reason other than... People have diurnal rhythms to their biology and some people are more aroused in the evening than in the morning. Some people go the other way around. And some people have mood swings that go with diurnal rhythm. If he's getting high all day, it wears off at night.

17:30 Adam How dare you? The first time you smoked weed in years. I'm sure of it.

17:34 Caller There was that one time after the last show in 2000, whatever.

17:37 Adam What's going on with Canada and weed? Is it legal over there? I heard they just made like a big bust or they're growing it and they got bad shake over there.

17:46 Drew More accessible.

17:46 Adam Can you not get good weed in Canada?

17:50 Caller Just so you know, British Columbia is the largest exporter of marijuana to the United States. Oh, it is. It's not actually South America, which most people think. It's probably British Columbia's largest cash crop.

18:01 Adam Really? You guys see, you don't have anything. You don't have like Maui, Wowee or Colombian gold or anything. You don't have any like moose hoof stuff. Yeah, what do they, they grow it all underground with grow lines and stuff?

18:15 Caller It's all just the, it's the, what you want is, you want high-yield, extremely quick.

18:25 Adam Right.

18:26 Caller Just, you know, bang, bang, bang. It's, we're the McDonald's of weed. Really?

18:31 Adam Got to get out that way. Drew, did you know that, how do you know that most of weed comes out of British Columbia?

18:36 Caller Because I live in British Columbia.

18:37 Adam All right, but I live in California and I'm sure there's a few things about it I don't know about. I mean, did you read it somewhere? I mean, it's not as you enter British Columbia. It's not on the sign next to the population, is it?

18:50 Caller Every fifth house in Vancouver is a grow-up.

18:53 Adam Really?

18:54 Caller That is a statistic.

18:55 Adam Wow. You think those people be lazier than they are, but maybe they aren't.

19:00 Caller What are you talking about?

19:00 Adam Are they lazy? Really? Let's blame that on the snow. All right, let's take a little break. We'll break a little early. We're going to regroup. Nickelback is here tonight. We're going to get our stuff worked out. The voice you hear in the back is engineer Chris.

19:13 Drew More frantically.

19:14 Adam You're telling me it works now? Oh, you're working on it?

19:18 Drew Oh, okay.

19:19 Adam I mean, in two minutes, we'll get... In two minutes, you'll start working on it? Okay. What are you doing, by the way? Not doing anything?

19:28 Drew He was smoking with Chad. He was freaking out.

19:29 Adam Chris, you got contact time now?

19:32 Caller I got a little contact plus going.

19:34 Adam Drew, let's hit the vending machine. We'll be back with Nickelback after this.

19:40 Caller Hello, is this your radio?

19:46 As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it. To find a testing location near you, call toll free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

20:05 Caller Loveline, Loveline, on 947-NRK.

20:20 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Chad and Ryan are both here from Nickelback. CD, The Long Road, is coming out tomorrow. That is September 23rd, and it could be today for some of the people here this show around the country on a one-day delay. All right, now, the phones were not working in the first break. Yeah, we danced around it, but now we're up and running. Adam?

20:47 Yeah.

20:48 Adam You're 19?

20:49 Caller Yes, sir.

20:50 Drew Fantastic.

20:51 Adam What's up?

20:52 Caller Well, on June 9th, I was in a car accident, and I have a spinal cord injury, and I'm paralyzed from the T3 vertebrae and down. I had to use my arms.

21:05 Adam Chest down?

21:06 Drew Yeah.

21:06 Adam How does it go? It's T3, as it goes up, what's it get higher?

21:11 Drew Lower numbers. T1 is like, T1's right here.

21:15 Adam And you just cursed me, by the way, Drew.

21:17 Drew What?

21:17 Adam When the doctor says T1's right here and he does that, that means I'm going to get a moped accident tomorrow and I'm coming here on a journey. You know what I'm talking about. You know damn well what I'm talking about.

21:27 Drew All right.

21:28 Adam And then T5 is down? Yeah. Down?

21:31 Drew He got his arms.

21:32 Adam Okay. And that gets your arms, though, in a T3? Oh, they work?

21:36 Caller Yeah, they work.

21:37 Adam Ah, that's good. All right. What happened with the car accident?

21:41 Caller Well, I made the mistake of making the choice to get in the vehicle with my buddy, and my buddy had had too much to drink, and he lost control of the vehicle.

21:49 Adam Mm-hmm. All right. So, is he okay? Drunk guys are always fine when they drive. What is that, Drew? Yeah, you're like a brumble. You bounce. You're fine. All right. So now you're in a wheelchair.

22:04 Drew And what's the question?

22:06 Caller My question is, is how can I deal with sexual frustration? Um, I kind of find myself to be like ten times hornier now that I'm in a wheelchair, and I can't masturbate or do anything like that to relieve myself.

22:18 Drew So you don't ejaculate?

22:20 Caller No.

22:20 Drew You sure? You've tried it?

22:22 Caller Yeah.

22:23 Drew Nothing comes out. Do you have any kind of orgasmic function even without ejaculation? Nothing. Nothing. Do you have arousal?

22:29 Caller Yeah, I do. I mean, I can get it up, but that's about it.

22:34 Drew And so you get no experience of orgasm or anything like that?

22:37 Caller None whatsoever.

22:39 Adam So you're going to come back? You're going to find that?

22:43 Caller The final board was severed, so everything from that level down is, you know...

22:48 Adam Yeah, but some... We do talk to guys that are...

22:50 Drew Yeah, I got a question. What are the medications you're taking?

22:53 Caller What kind of medication?

22:54 Drew You want some pain medicines?

22:55 Caller Yeah, I take the Lodded Percocet.

22:57 Drew All right, that's why you're not having orgasm. You may still be able to have it if you got off all that crap. It's possible.

23:04 Caller Yeah.

23:05 Drew Yeah, well.

23:07 Adam Hey, Adam.

23:09 Caller Yeah.

23:09 Drew So, you're an opiate addict, too. You see, opiate addicts don't have much erectile function and have trouble having orgasms.

23:16 Adam What? Did you have a girlfriend before this?

23:21 Caller And now I don't.

23:23 Adam Did she break up with you? Well, she's going to hell. But I think you got to get off those drugs. You want to try to have an orgasm.

23:31 Drew Yeah, you can't do it, all that stuff.

23:34 Caller But is there any way I can, like, get around it for now to ease my mind? Because there's a lot of hot nurses around here and I can't do nothing about it.

23:43 Drew What other medicines are you on besides the opiates?

23:46 Caller I'm on the baclofen, cumidin.

23:50 Drew So you have blood clots also?

23:53 Caller Yeah, in my lungs and in my legs.

23:55 Adam All right, well, let me be practical here. I mean, easy for me to say, but you got in this horrific life-altering accident like four months ago. And meanwhile, you're focused on the orgasm. You got to heal yourself. You got to get better. Maybe you take a year off the masturbation.

24:14 Drew Well, people can have orgasmic function.

24:16 Adam And then you get shoved back to health.

24:18 Drew That's an autonomic nervous function. The spinal cord is not exclusively involved in that, the sympathetic nervous system.

24:25 Adam I know it because my dad is spineless, and he had me and my sister. So it's at least two pots.

24:31 Drew Without a spine.

24:32 Adam No spine.

24:33 Drew Got it.

24:34 Adam No spine. It's been, at least I've never checked for it, but it doesn't seem like it has a spine.

24:39 Drew Our buddy Adam here is on massive opiates, and that's very hard to understand.

24:43 Adam I know because everyone is on massive opiates. It's not that they talk slow, it's they talk like they've been slowed down.

24:50 Drew Yeah.

24:50 Adam Like it's one thing just to go, you know, guys that are stoned are like, yeah. But guys who are on opiates are like, it's weird, it's like someone recorded your speech and slowed down the tape deck.

25:05 Drew Interesting.

25:06 Adam Why is that?

25:07 Drew I don't know.

25:08 Adam Look into that, Drew. Alright, listen, Adam, heal yourself.

25:11 Drew Yeah, talk to your doctor about getting off the opiates.

25:13 Adam And then focus on that.

25:14 Drew And then other pain management strategies you get into. Talk to the doctor about erectile unsexual function. They should be helping you with this.

25:19 Adam Alright. Drew, what about that, what's that new boner stuff? Have you seen that?

25:23 Drew New boner stuff? There's a bunch of new Viagras out. It's all the same.

25:26 Adam Yeah, but what's it called? Is it a new one? Versaecodil or something? It's a picture of a guy. Always, you know, all these new medications, they don't tell you what they are at the beginning. Like, at the beginning, all you see is a guy, you see a chick kickboxing. It's like, Vajajabel. And it's like she's beating the crap out of some guy. And you're like, what is this stuff? I got to get on this stuff. You find out it's yeast cream later. But it's like, just chicks like a 14th degree black belt in taekwondo. I got to get on some of this stuff myself. And then I come in and Drew, I'm like, hey, Drew, how about some of that Vajajabel? And he's like, oh, that's douche. And I'm like, that's medicated douche. And I'm like, oh, could I still like to try it? But there's the other one where, the one where the, they were like snowboarding through a field of wheat. I used to see that commercial. I wanted to get on that Clared Inn for a while. I didn't even know what it was. Now, I'm seeing the guy, he's a guy in his 40s. He's got a football. He's running around the backyard and he keeps throwing the ball through a tire, a tire that's swinging on a rope in his backyard. And then his woman kind of comes up, gives him a little hug, like, hey, hey, stud. But they don't say what it is. But I'm guessing that that's the boner stuff.

26:37 Drew I'm guessing you're right.

26:38 Adam You're sort of using the symbolism of the football going through the tire, but aren't you sort of liking your wife's crotch to just a worn truck tire? A Target. Or a Target. To me, it's like a tire with some belt showing on it. What is that stuff called, by the way?

26:54 Drew There's four of them coming.

26:57 Adam And they're all the same as Viagra?

26:58 Drew They're similar. Same idea.

27:00 Adam What took everyone so long?

27:01 Drew Nitric oxide in here took forever to get approval for.

27:04 Adam Viagra's around for five, eight years?

27:06 Drew It was a slightly different molecule. You got to go through the whole process.

27:08 Adam You get samples?

27:09 Drew I'll score some for you.

27:10 Adam Bring it in. Lucy? You're 20?

27:14 Caller Yeah.

27:15 Drew What's up?

27:17 Caller This is a guy that I met about eight months ago. My friend's barbecue and stuff. How could I say? Well, I met him and stuff. I've been seeing him for a couple of months after I found out he was married. It was hard for me to get away already.

27:38 Adam You couldn't break it off with him after you found out he was married?

27:41 Caller No, because I was already attached to him already.

27:44 Adam Aren't you supposed to be furious when you find out a guy you've been seeing has lied to you?

27:49 Caller Yeah, I was going to stop.

27:51 Drew Yeah, he's an idiot. He's an a-hole. He's a bad guy. He's not who you thought he was. He's not the guy you thought he was attached to. Now, if you can't leave this guy, then we've got to figure out why you need to have unavailable guys around.

28:02 I'm very picky.

28:05 Drew No. Please. Who did you get talking to here?

28:09 Adam You're very picky.

28:12 Caller I don't know.

28:13 Drew So, your dad was gone as you were growing up?

28:16 Caller No.

28:17 Adam He was around? He is.

28:21 Drew Where is your... Why would people do that to us? Where is your biological father?

28:26 Caller I don't know.

28:27 Drew How old were you when he left?

28:29 Caller I never met the man.

28:32 Adam Now, there you go.

28:32 Drew Giggle, giggle. That's a painful issue. And here you are now. You've hooked up with another guy that's going to leave. Or you can't even get intimate with in the first place. You're not, you're attached to the non-attachment.

28:42 Adam True.

28:42 Drew End it, Lucy. Forget it. Stop it. What do you think? He's going to leave his wife? No.

28:48 Adam Oh, please.

28:51 Drew Does he have kids? Does he have kids? You really want to destroy those kids' lives?

28:55 Adam He's a dynamite individual.

28:56 Drew You want to be a part of harming those kids? That's important to you? Then fine. Then stop. Stop.

29:05 Adam Okay. But listen, let me just say this. Isn't life just like this in that things, like a guy who does this is more attractive to Lucy than a guy who would be dedicated and would be into her.

29:18 Drew She has to have the unavailable male.

29:20 Adam Yeah, I know. So, you know, you end up going, here's what you end up doing. You end up going through life saying, like, why are you shooting speed? I can't believe you're shooting speed or snorting heroin or whatever. That is the worst thing I could imagine doing, would be shooting speed. But to someone who's effed up, it's the best thing they could imagine doing. Right, so the worst guy you could imagine, a guy who's got a couple of kids, a guy who's banging around behind his wife's back, this is more attractive. And so we go through our lives saying, how can you be into this guy? Well, the point is, she's into him because he's that way.

29:53 Drew I was screaming about this on a show earlier tonight. That's where the whole nonsense about, well, you got to choose to make a change in your life doesn't make any sense at all. The motivational priorities are different in Lucy's brain. That feels good to her. She's got to not do things that feel good like that and do things that maybe are not so exciting but are healthier.

30:10 Adam What? I was just thinking that everyone around my office was talking about going on that low-carb diet today. And we're all pissed off about 45 minutes into it because we wanted some sticky buns or something. And I just realized, why is everything that's good for you, why does it all suck? You know what I mean? Anything that is good for you feels like hell, and anything that feels good is horrible for you. Relationship, food, whatever. It's a horrible combination. Do you know what I mean? What kind of plan is that?

30:44 Drew Well, there are some things that are more nourishing than the immediate, satisfied kind of things that feel good.

30:50 Adam Let me talk to Lucy. Lucy? Here's what I understand about Lucy. You had a stepdad your whole life?

30:57 Caller Yeah.

30:57 Adam He must have been kind of crappy too then.

31:00 Caller Well, we and him had a close relationship when I was young, but when I was growing up as a teenager, it parted away. But other than that, the reason Paul is cheating on his wife is just that they argue a lot.

31:15 Drew Lucy, please. Lucy, what planet are you from?

31:19 Caller I know the relationship because my friend that introduced us together was telling me about it. And he doesn't want to leave her because probably she tried to commit suicide before.

31:30 Caller But as I told him, why be in a hole?

31:34 Caller He's trying to have his cake and eat it too. That's what's going on.

31:39 Adam And ironically, there's probably not that much cake eating going on.

31:42 Drew Strangely enough.

31:47 Caller But as I told him that I'll accept his kids, but it's up to them to still accept me.

31:53 Adam The kids. How old are the kids?

31:55 Caller They're about seven years old.

31:59 Adam There's a few of them about seven?

32:02 Caller No. He has two kids, one is seven, one is nine, I believe.

32:09 Adam And you'll accept them?

32:12 Caller I'll accept them, but it all depends if they'll accept me.

32:15 Drew So you're living in a fantasy world.

32:20 Adam Well forget it. Here's my old thing. Two things. Don't get pregnant. If you got out of your system, then it's a moot point. Because there's no way you could possibly have two kids. That's true. Has that ever happened? You study the medical journals.

32:38 Drew Really?

32:39 Adam Has it ever happened in the course of human history? Let's say one. Lucy, you could get pregnant again. Did you get pregnant once by him? See, these are the kind of guys just like to hunt down and kill. Like they got a couple of kids. They're going to screw those kids up because the old lady's depressed. They're fighting with the old lady and they're out stepping out on them. Then when they're stepping out, they're going to knock somebody else up. And now they're going to have another bunch. They're going to have another brood over here that's screwed up and growing up without a dad. And guess what, Lucy? Remember you not knowing your biological dad?

33:13 Drew That's what you're heading for.

33:14 Adam That's what you're heading for. You have to repeat that.

33:16 Drew And for his kids too. You're going to create a bunch of kids with your lovely background that you know was painful.

33:24 Adam Alright, look, here's what this is like. This is like when your puppy craps on the floor and you try to talk to him. Do you see what you do? Do you see this is Berber? The daddy just had this put in and he went with the wool. You understand? And he didn't have it scotch guarded yet because he trusted you. But you know what? You've forsaked him, you've embarrassed me, you've made a fool of yourself and the Lord and now what you can do is you can go into your crate and you can think long and hard about this relationship and about betrayal and about trust.

33:57 Drew The puppy hears.

33:58 Adam But he's just like blah blah blah. Great.

34:00 Drew No, he hears the blah.

34:01 Blah blah blah blah blah.

34:03 Adam I don't even know if it hears its name. That's all. I'm done yelling at kids. That's enough. They just go. Look, just go knock up everybody. Have a thousand kids. I'm going to Canada. I'm going on tour with Nickelback. I'm going to I'm going to play like that fish. I'm going to tune something. I can be some kind of tech. I got a strong back. I could roadie for the band. And I mean, I got to I got to still probably have a certain amount of celebrity. I think maybe I could bring them out on stage once in a while.

34:32 Caller That's a good plan. You know, like, no, no, just stay here and like, no, let's continue to entertain.

34:37 Adam Pick now, let's pick a city that we could be at. Where are you guys going? You going somewhere? Where's a good city that Nickelback could be at?

34:44 Drew Toronto.

34:45 Adam Toronto?

34:46 Drew Toronto.

34:47 Caller I was going to say Dallas, but go ahead.

34:49 Adam All right.

34:53 Here's a band that's all the way from another place in Canada other than Toronto. Put your hands together for Big Toronto and welcome for Nickelback!

35:04 Adam And then, you know, you guys come out.

35:06 Caller Dude, you're hired. You got the gig.

35:07 Adam And then I grab that hollowed out fish and I just go nuts.

35:12 I just stand back. Back.

35:14 Adam Every song ends up turning into a Steely Dan song because I just won't get off that fish. I just keep scraping the fish and writing in the mic. And then I get angry because I want the fish mic'd. I don't want to just hold it to the mic. I want it mic'd. All right. Nickelback is here. I'll be going out on tour with the band. Drew, you hold down the...

35:31 Drew Just the Canadian tour.

35:32 Adam Going out just to the Canadian leg of the tour. Eastern Canadian leg, that's it. Gonna get some of that good hydroponic skunk weed and bring the band out only in Toronto because that's my big city. And we'll take a break and we'll be right back after this. Loveline. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Jen, Ryan, both here from Nickelback. The Long Road, name of the new CD coming out tomorrow. That's 23rd, that's Tuesday. We'll get back to the phones.

36:31 Drew There we go.

36:32 Adam And we'll speak to John, who's 20. John? What's up?

36:38 Caller What's up, indeed? I was wondering if, from a certain perspective, self-mutilation could be considered a healthy thing.

36:46 Adam No.

36:48 Caller Well, I mean, there's plenty forms of self-mutilation that are widely accepted already. People pierce their ears, people pierce their noses, people pierce their whatevers, and I'm sure a lot more pain can be inflicted that way. From a purely self-expression point of view, could it be considered healthy that way?

37:03 Adam No.

37:05 Caller No?

37:06 Adam Well, here's the thing. I mean, there are degrees with everything, and it's like you could say, well, why is it not healthy to dance at all nude bar? Women, what about these models? They get in the bra and panties, these Victoria's Secret models, they titillate, men pleasure them. You could sort of extrapolate and do the math, so you sort of almost made anything okay, but self-mutilation is usually done by people that are troubled.

37:33 Drew That are you looking for relief of very intense emotional states that are not healthy by definition?

37:39 Adam And so are aggressive piercings. I mean, if you show me someone with 70 piercings, I'll show you someone who has some baggage.

37:48 Drew Some unhealthy issues. Should they be judged for it? No.

37:51 Adam Yeah.

37:51 Drew What? No, they won't judge me for it, but I would judge, sure. No, you can judge it unhealthy, or the unhealthy impulses associated with it, but whatever.

38:00 Adam All right, so are you a cutter?

38:03 Caller Yeah, I just cut my arms.

38:05 Drew Yeah, it's a sign. It's like saying, can it be ever healthy to have a fever? It's a sign of what's going on inside, and it's a bad sign.

38:15 Adam Hey, John, maybe you should get a little help with that.

38:18 Caller Well, yeah, I'm seeing a therapist right now.

38:22 Adam Well, let yourself go, buddy. I mean, don't drag your feet so much.

38:27 Drew And by the way, don't try to reason your way out of difficulty. It's like, well, I know my liver's enlarged, I know my eyes are yellow, but, you know.

38:35 Adam Hepatitis.

38:36 Drew Technically, if you were a prehistoric man and you'd been chewing on beetle root, I mean, you know what I'm saying? They try to, don't reason your way out of it.

38:47 Adam Nobody knows what you're saying.

38:48 Drew All right, don't try to reason your way out of it.

38:49 Adam Let me do the examples.

38:50 Drew Fine, you do it, go ahead.

38:51 Caller I understood, I got it.

38:52 Adam You're chewing on beetle root, you've got yellow eyes.

38:56 Drew The point is, you have a sign of serious medical condition. You are not in a position to reason your way out of that.

39:04 Adam Yeah, well, that's part of the reason you're in the position you're in.

39:07 Drew That's right.

39:07 Adam All right, thank you, Drew. I'd like to get a transcript of the show just once and see the enlarged liver, the yellow eyes and the beetle root and the prehistoric man thing and see if anyone could figure that out. Michael? Michael.

39:23 Drew Michelle.

39:24 Adam Oh, Michelle.

39:28 Drew Hi, Michelle.

39:28 Adam Some people spell it that way. You can't articulate some any better than that. You can't articulate some any better than that. Michelle?

39:36 Caller Yes. Yeah, what's up?

39:41 Caller I have an interesting situation. The situation I'm in is, almost a year ago, I broke up with my boyfriend, I broke up. And in December of last year, we were possibly trying to get back together and his friend, he told him about my tongue ring and he decided to ask me for it while we were drunk and I did it.

40:04 Drew Hold on, slow down. What?

40:07 Caller Get the uncomfortable part over just as quickly as possible.

40:10 Drew What was that?

40:11 Adam Tongue ring, BJ.

40:12 Drew He told his friend about your tongue ring?

40:16 Nickelback And how good I am at oral.

40:18 Drew And therefore?

40:20 Caller And so, one night while we were drunk, he got kind of curious and so I did it for him.

40:24 Drew He got curious, what is wrong with women?

40:26 Adam For the friend?

40:27 Drew Yes.

40:27 It was the ex-boyfriend's friend.

40:31 Drew And so then he put it in that.

40:33 Caller I never got it like that when I was, you know what, I'm just curious. I'm just wondering what that would be like. I'm just wondering, you know, I've never experienced that. Let me just show you that.

40:43 Adam No, the tongue ring. Well, all right, yeah, I did that with the chick and she took it off and she snapped it onto an expired toilet paper roll and then she filled it with jam and I had to actually do it like that. It still felt good. I got it. I got it safe. All good.

40:59 Drew That was top your head.

41:00 Adam Came twice. It's great.

41:02 Nickelback He's constantly asking me for it, Susan.

41:11 Adam Uh-huh.

41:12 Drew Yeah. Why are you doing all this? What does that do for you?

41:15 Adam Hey, Michelle.

41:19 Drew Not a trick question.

41:22 Adam You got a big ass on you? This is the work of a gal with a big ass. Chicks with small asses don't get into this. You know, here's the thing. Because when a chick has a small ass and a guy says, yeah, I'm just curious what that tongue ring. Here's your glue raising at your tongue and blow yourself. And go get me a daiquiri. That's what a hot chick does. She doesn't go, OK. That's a big ass move. That I'll show you that no hot chick does that. They do in movies, but not in real life. Michelle. All right. So you got so neither guy is really that interested, right? They just they're just having a good time with you.

42:03 Drew She has horrible self-esteem.

42:10 Adam Right.

42:10 Drew Yeah, that means nothing. It means nothing. He's sexually attracted to lots of people.

42:15 Caller And sometimes when his friend asks me, I'll just do it just to keep him from asking. But the other night I...

42:22 Drew Do you have a shred of self-esteem left, Michelle?

42:27 Nickelback But the other night I offered him and he's all confused.

42:30 Adam He's confused?

42:32 Caller Because I've never offered him before.

42:34 Adam So, but your question is...

42:38 Drew What's your question?

42:39 Adam Oh, I know what the question is. He wants it now where he just rams his dick through the mail slot of her front door and gets a BJ while he stares at a flat screen TV that she has mounted on it. And he wants to know whether he can get satellite hooked up to that because that basic cable at this point... I think you should do that for him, Michelle. Okay, Michelle. Michelle, Michelle.

43:11 Drew What planet are our callers from tonight?

43:12 Adam I think they're from Earth. I think that's the prom. I think we got... I think we're from another planet. We're from Planet Sane. All right, so, Michelle. Mm-hmm. Okay, I know you're angry. I know somebody did horrible things to you. I know your dad is a world class prick. And I know every guy is your dad and there's all sorts of issues and you're angry at me. What's that?

43:35 Caller There's no one that... I mean, I don't look at those guys as my dad.

43:39 Drew Well, you were sexually abused. So every guy is the guy that abused you.

43:43 Adam What happens? How do we know you're sexually abused? Because that's how you behave. Look, all right, look, we don't got time to explain why, by the way. If we're right, we're right, right? Okay, it's all in the past now. It's just like the guy got paralyzed. Christopher Reeves, he took a spill on the horse. It's been six, seven years. Come on, buddy, we're playing beach volleyball.

44:09 Drew Let's go.

44:09 Adam Let's go.

44:10 Up on the feet.

44:11 Adam Let's go. You're going to serve.

44:12 Drew In fact, what happened...

44:14 Adam Six years ago.

44:15 Come on, out of the chair.

44:16 Drew That's yesterday's news. What happened to Christopher Reeves' spinal cord is basically what happened to your brain mechanisms with that sexual abuse. It leaves an imprint behind that causes you to feel okay about these incredibly abusive relationships that you involve yourself in.

44:28 Adam All right, so break up with both these guys and get some therapy for your sexual abuse in the past, all right?

44:33 Drew Bottom line.

44:34 Adam No more blowing, guys. Here's the other thing, too, is people are angry and rightfully so that they were abused. I mean, imagine.

44:44 Drew But they don't know they're angry. They don't see the anger.

44:46 Adam I know, but look at it. You know, he's not angry. My dad missed a couple of Pop Warner football games.

44:50 Caller Look at you.

44:52 Adam Spineless old man.

44:53 Caller I can't believe the rate at which you guys can profile somebody is just like, you got red hair? Every time, every time.

45:02 Adam They just, nobody does this unless they're abused somehow.

45:05 Drew You know what, people do it, but not with the same attitude that she has. Yes. Not how she makes us feel.

45:10 Adam She was angry.

45:11 Drew We know that affect. We know it. And you add that to the behavior, that equals sexual abuse, period.

45:17 Adam So maybe you're a long ways away from therapy or curing yourself or reading a book or whatever, but you can stop engaging in whatever the degradating.

45:25 Drew Yeah, the acting out behaviors.

45:27 Adam Right.

45:27 Drew That make her feel worse and keep her stuck in the role of victim.

45:30 Adam Right. Stop all the degrading behavior and maybe at least break even. Remy? You're 15? What's up?

45:39 Caller I have had bad headaches for about two years and I stopped responding to my medication about a month and a half ago.

45:45 Drew What medication?

45:45 Adam Bad headaches.

45:48 Drew What medication?

45:49 Caller It's like Cyproheptadine for Periactin.

45:52 Nickelback I have really no idea what it is.

45:54 Drew Yeah.

45:54 Adam What is it?

45:55 Caller So they don't exactly know what's wrong with me and they want me to get a CAT scan. And I'm just wondering, if I get a CAT scan, can they tell if I smoke or am on the pill?

46:05 Drew Can they tell what?

46:06 Caller Can they tell if I smoke, drink or if I'm on the pill?

46:10 Drew No, but it's absolutely absurd of you to have a workup for headache when you're doing three things that cause headaches and not telling your doctor.

46:17 Nickelback Oh, no, my doctor knows.

46:19 Drew He knows. All right. He knows you smoke, probably knows you're drinking, he knows you're on birth control.

46:22 Adam Well, she's 15 years old, Drew. I mean, I think she's able to make her own decisions, don't you? I mean, after your mom gives you a ride to the doctor's office, or you take your moped there, then they have to sit down and have an adult conversation about smoking, drinking, taking the pill.

46:38 Drew Did you talk to your doctor about these three things? No, you, listen, this is ridiculous.

46:47 Adam Drew, you're outreaching her, you know?

46:49 Drew Yeah, I'm outreaching her. But you've got to give him information so he can help you. He can't help you if he doesn't know what you're doing. You're causing these headaches in all probability.

46:56 Adam True, are these calls, do they seem potted down? Are they quiet?

46:59 Drew Yes, yes.

47:00 Adam I've got my headphones all the way out.

47:02 Drew We all can't hear them.

47:03 Adam All right, can we heat that up a little?

47:06 Drew It was echoing back. I got you. Let's go to break.

47:08 Adam A little feedback. All right, Nickelback is here. Chad, blow a little spleef and relax, would you, buddy? Ryan is here. We'll hear something off the new CD when we come back after this. Love line, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Chad Ryan both here from Nickelback. The Long Road, Name of the CD. We're gonna hear something else off of that in the 11 o'clock hour, which is when we're in. So I think we'll take a couple of calls, hear a couple of new songs, or one new song after a couple of calls. How much new stuff do you guys play when you go out on the road?

48:36 Caller Well, it all depends on when. If it's towards the start of the tour, we'll probably play less. Towards the end of the tour, when people are more familiar with the material, then we'll start throwing more material.

48:50 Drew Stick to the hits.

48:51 Caller Stick to the hits, baby.

48:52 Drew Yeah, it's easy to keep fans away.

48:53 Adam Right. And yeah, if the tour's a few months and the record drops at the beginning of the tour, then halfway into the tour, or a quarter into the tour, whenever into the tour, when you start getting the airplay, then everyone knows the song. See, I would always screw up and be one album behind the tour when I was young. They're not in a band going and watching people. I would see them.

49:17 Caller You didn't know the words to all the new songs.

49:19 Adam I would see them because I was too, I didn't get the CD, well, it wasn't a CD. Back then it was a. Vinyl. 78s.

49:26 Caller I was going to go with the track, but you beat us.

49:28 Adam Drew had a.

49:28 Caller It wasn't a ceramic, yeah.

49:29 Adam He had a Victrola.

49:31 Drew It was on a tube.

49:36 Adam But I would always do that, which I would go see the same guy come out. I would always buy that album after the thing, and then I would enjoy it. And then I would say, oh, I missed a song I wish. And then the next one, he'd be playing the next one. I was always behind. So here's the point. You got to go out, you get the Nickelback one, and then you're prepared. Anything they play, you know it. You got the lighter over your head. You're up on your boyfriend's shoulders. You're singing along. Stephanie. You're 22?

50:02 Caller Yes, I am.

50:03 Adam What's up?

50:05 Caller Well, I've been sexually active for about four years now, and I haven't had an orgasm. I don't know if that's normal for a girl or not, but.

50:14 Drew That is normal. Yeah.

50:16 Caller I was just wondering. Go ahead.

50:18 Drew You should be able to have one around 22 by direct stimulation, like with oral sex, that sort of thing.

50:22 Caller Really? I was wondering if there's any kind of technique that I could use to have one.

50:29 Drew Have you ever had an orgasm?

50:30 Caller I've had one, and that was because I was on a sexual stimulant, you know, like the kind you get from F Street.

50:36 Drew What is she talking about?

50:37 Adam F Street over in San Diego? Yeah. See, because we're on G Street now. We moved. Yeah. We're in E Street, and we were going to go to F, and then, yeah, yeah.

50:50 Drew What's on F Street? What do you get there?

50:52 Adam The stuff you get on F Street.

50:54 Drew What is it?

50:55 Caller It's a store that sells, like, sex toys and sexual stimulants and condoms and lubricants and stuff like that.

51:03 Adam And what do you get?

51:06 Caller They're supposed to enhance the sexual, I don't know.

51:09 Drew Like Viagra, was it Viagra Pill or something?

51:10 Caller It's not, I don't know if it's, do they have Viagra for women?

51:14 Drew Yeah.

51:15 Adam F doesn't cross with U Street, does it? That would be a mistake as far as sitting, zoning and planning one, huh? I'm a corner F you, hey everyone punches you every time you try to tell me your address. Alright, so why don't you take some more of that? Well I don't understand, you just took some herb. Here's why all this nonsense works on chicks is because they're all up in their head anyway. For a guy it's not going to work, for chicks it's just a pill made of a baking soda and a little sugar and they're colored purple and they're like oh you're going to have an orgasm baby and you pop that and pow, there goes the orgasm.

51:54 Drew Did you have it during intercourse, is that what happened?

51:56 Adam Stephanie?

51:57 Nickelback Uh huh.

51:59 Adam Did you have your orgasm during intercourse?

52:01 Caller I've only had one and it was during intercourse.

52:04 Adam It was.

52:04 Drew Wow, that's unusual. So that means you're able to do that. So how about vibrator, something like that?

52:09 Caller I own a vibrator, I've never had an orgasm.

52:13 Adam Oh you own, okay. Because I've been leasing, I'd always leased and then I was getting screwed on the mileage. So I just started buying and I started buying used and then I started flipping them. I'd buy them, I'd fix them up and sell them. Hey Stephanie?

52:28 Drew Stephanie doesn't fit the...

52:30 Adam Yeah, well how about getting in the tub? The water works good. Yeah?

52:36 Drew How is it she cannot have worked in the tub? But she had to work with intercourse.

52:40 Adam I don't know. I don't know what's going on. Nothing in the tub, huh? Turn the water on?

52:46 Caller Yeah. It feels good. It gets really sensitive and I just can't.

52:52 Adam Do you have a boyfriend right now? Okay. Does he give you oral sex?

53:00 Caller Not very often.

53:01 Drew Okay, that's what's missing.

53:03 Caller Yeah.

53:04 Adam Well, there you go. Black guy? What's up?

53:07 Caller He's not a black guy, no.

53:08 Adam What is he? He's a white guy. I know it. I know it. I'm always right. No, I know white guys, they have an aversion to it. So, white guys, black guys, Mexican guys and Asian guys. These are the guys in American Indians. These are in Eskimos. These are the guys, these are in Polynesian guys. These are the guys who don't like it. Oh, right. Yeah.

53:31 Caller Right, right.

53:32 Drew You're quick, Stephanie. But he needs to get busy. You need to help him sort of understand what he needs to do to help.

53:38 Caller Well, I've talked to him about it.

53:40 Caller Entice him.

53:41 Drew Why are you with a guy that won't sort of help you?

53:45 Caller Why am I with him if he won't do that?

53:47 Adam Yeah. Well, I mean, he's not looking out for you.

53:50 Drew You're not a priority?

53:51 Caller Well, it's not my number one priority. Like, that's not the reason why I get into relationships.

53:56 Drew No, I know. But he's a caring guy. It's a sign of his sort of lack of concern for you.

54:01 Caller Stephanie, how are you keeping things down there? Is it neat? Disco 70s?

54:06 Drew Disco 70s.

54:09 Adam You run a tight ship?

54:11 Caller Well, I'm not completely shaved if that's what you're asking.

54:14 Adam Right, right. But you're well-groomed. Yeah, I'm well-groomed. All right. Are you a vegetarian? Well, why don't you head on down to F Street again and this time buy two pills? I mean, what did you do? Just bought one? One pill?

54:29 Caller Well, you get a little package and you get two pills in one package.

54:37 Adam Buy two.

54:40 Caller Yeah, buy two.

54:42 Adam Yeah, buy them all. It sounds like Sheriff Wang's mystery of the Orient brought to the United States. It's just a bunch of crap. You're really buying supplements at a porn shop. Oh, those poor guys have to work behind that counter with the big no returns thing on the vibrators. I actually went into a place where one of the more uncomfortable times of my life, actually two things happened. One is a guy was having a serious argument about returning the vibrator. The guy at the counter is pointing at the sign, look, sir, there's no returns on vibrators. I mean, do I have to tell you why? Because I swear to Christ, it never came out of the package. It's like, I'm sorry, sir. It never came out of the, sorry.

55:29 Drew You just stood there with your mouth open wide.

55:30 Adam Well, once, no, but once in a while you get behind the person that's having the conflict and it's kind of weird because it's like, well, what do you do? Like you can't get involved. You're going to get sucked into it. You can't, you don't want to just stand there. You feel stupid because there's other people watching you being in the proximity of this horrible argument. So you usually find some busy work and you say something like, oh, batteries, yeah. And then no one hears you, but you say it loud enough to satisfy yourself. And then you just turn around and walk away and then watch the argument from afar. But yeah, guy arguing about it. The guy says, look, the sign, sir, no shirt, no shoes, dildo on the ass, no returns. That's a sign. The other horrible thing that happened at this particular place was it was over on Western in Santa Monica Boulevard over here. And it's a big place. And I don't like the idea that these porn stores are decorated like a clown fraternity. Just day glow orange and crazy neon everywhere. I try to keep a low profile. Just make it look like a real estate office. Let me slide in with a little dignity. It's like bells and whistles going off, the crazy flashing stuff, and it's like, hey, 20% off anal beads and big block letters on the front. So you got to look like a complete asshole going into these places. And I walk down, and this place is right on Western, and it takes up like half a city block and it's right on Western in Santa Monica, and it's like four in the afternoon, and I'm slinking out of the place. And the other thing, too, is they're pitch black in there, so as soon as the door swings open your pupils just explode because it's a bright light. It's really, it's like all of a sudden you think that there's God. It's like, ah, and you open the door, and I open the door and there's a school bus parked there, an extra long school bus, not the retarded kids bus, but the jumbo bus parked right on the curb, right up against the edge of the curb, which is only about four feet from the front door. And of course, every 13 year old in the bus is slid over to the side of the bus with the porn store, and they're all, their faces mashed up against it. And I just opened it, it's like 72 kids just all staring at me as I'm holding my busty videos in my bags, and I'm like, hey!

57:45 That's great, I had to run for my car.

57:51 Adam I just mean, can they, and how about a little dignity with the box itself, the porn box itself? Does it have to be called Eubangus Uranus, and big block lettering, with the crazy, just the crazy morbid, you know, dilated rectums and stuff? Could it just be, you know, just be something mildly tasteful that someone might think may be an R-movie as you're making your way to the counter? Does it have to be sort of ridiculous novelty sexual? You know, how about just a, it's just something normal that I could get away with, so the person behind you doesn't know what kind of deviant you are. Why are they trying to humiliate you?

58:29 Drew You would think if they're trying to sell their product, that would be the last thing they'd want to do, right?

58:33 Adam Right, just a low-profile box with a sort of ambiguous, you know, dark temptations or something, you know, something. Something that says, okay, this is titillating, but...

58:44 Drew That's back to your ads then.

58:45 Caller You can't tell what the hell you're buying. I just...

58:47 Drew They could have little pamphlets or something.

58:49 Adam Yeah, they really could. They really could make it easier. And the porn, like again, the porn stores, don't clown it up so much. Let's just have it straight. And put a window out. You know what you need to do, too? They never put windows out front of those places, too, so they're extra dicey. They need to put a window, just a false window, with just a curtain right behind it, and it just goes into a stucco wall. There's nothing behind it. But at least make it look like there's a window in the place. Humiliating, I tell you. All right. Let's hear a Nickelback song. How about that, Drew? You ready? It's off the new CD. They may be playing this, let's say...

59:26 Caller At a sex shop near you, 70% chance.

59:29 Adam This is called Figured You Out. Nickelback, everybody, The Long Road, name of the new CD. Nice guitar work there, Ryan.

1:03:22 Caller Thanks.

1:03:23 Adam Chad, nice job. Nice job on the pipes there. That CD's coming out tomorrow, today, depending on when you hear the show. Just consider it out. And then you can just go to www.nickelback.com and find the band, find when they're gonna be in a town near you, and you're gonna be everywhere, right? Are you going out with anybody? Is anyone going out with you?

1:03:46 Caller Taken Trapped and Three Days Grace.

1:03:50 Adam And what kind of places, what kind of venues are you gonna be playing?

1:03:54 Drew Playing about five, six thousand seat venues, kinda like large theaters and arenas.

1:04:00 Adam Does that seem, I mean, you guys could probably play bigger, but does it seem less intimate that way?

1:04:06 Caller No, we're just in a post-war economy.

1:04:08 Adam That's the best play. Well, if you have your druthers, let's just say you get paid the same. All the pay is the same. You wanna do 99 people, do you wanna do 9,000 people, you wanna do 90,000 people.

1:04:22 Caller Right, I prefer to do, I would say, 15,000 people in an arena. That's just small enough and intimate enough to keep the crowd under control, nothing gets out of hand, yet you can still perform your full show with Pyro and the Whole Nine Yards.

1:04:41 Adam So you guys be going out in about a month, right? All right, I got the dates here, by the way. Scott?

1:04:47 Yeah.

1:04:48 Adam You're 18?

1:04:49 Caller Yeah.

1:04:49 Adam What's up?

1:04:51 Caller Well, first me and my girlfriend have been going out for two years or so, two and a half years, and what it is is I have absolutely no problem, it's actually kind of an inconvenience on how easily I become aroused.

1:05:09 Drew Yeah, you're 18. You're 18.

1:05:13 Caller Yeah. I have absolutely zero problems.

1:05:17 Drew What's the problem?

1:05:19 Caller But one of the things that's kind of hurting us right now is that-

1:05:24 Drew Who is us?

1:05:25 Adam Him and his balls.

1:05:26 Drew Yeah, who is us?

1:05:28 Caller Me and my fiance.

1:05:30 Adam Fiance?

1:05:31 Caller Yes. All right. He has absolutely, she can't get aroused.

1:05:41 Drew What does that mean?

1:05:41 Caller She doesn't have any drive.

1:05:43 Drew Yeah, well she's 18 and that's one of God's great jokes on humanity is that there's this incredibly profound difference in the biology of an 18 year old male and an 18 year old female.

1:05:55 Adam She ought to get down to F street.

1:05:56 Drew She's not, the 18 year old females are not that into sex very often. Some are, but very often they're not. It's really not the way an 18 year old male is.

1:06:06 Adam No. And then later on, we're not so into it and they're really into it. It's not so much that we're not into it. It's that they're too old and fat. And that's really what it is. Find a cougar. Hey, Scott.

1:06:19 Caller Yeah.

1:06:20 Adam Yeah, so she, did she ever get abused or anything?

1:06:24 Caller She was raped before.

1:06:28 Drew How old was she? How old was she? Why is that a trick question?

1:06:36 Caller 16, I think.

1:06:36 Drew 16. Well, that usually suggests some form of abuse happened earlier to her also. And so she may really, truly be shut down sexually, which is a little different. That is, that's a complete shutdown.

1:06:48 Adam Scott.

1:06:49 Caller Yeah.

1:06:49 Adam I'm gonna ask you a series of quick questions you want to answer quickly. Would you please? Who raped her?

1:06:57 Caller We don't know.

1:06:58 Adam Did she file charges? Did she go to the police?

1:07:01 Caller Yes.

1:07:02 Adam She did?

1:07:02 Caller Yes.

1:07:03 Adam Okay.

1:07:04 Drew Was it a violent rape?

1:07:06 Caller As far as I know, it was.

1:07:08 Adam What's that mean, as far as you know?

1:07:10 Caller From what she has told me, it has.

1:07:12 Adam Why don't you believe her?

1:07:14 Caller Oh no, I do believe her.

1:07:15 Adam Okay, then why do you sort of couch it in questionable forms? I'm sorry? Why do you preface it with, as far as I know, that makes it seem as if you don't really trust her?

1:07:28 Caller I don't know.

1:07:30 Adam See, here's the other thing too, is people don't know, to other people that just may, you may just be coining a phrase there, but to us, that means something. There's a part of you that feels that she's somewhat responsible for this. Yes?

1:07:44 Caller Well, I hope she doesn't feel responsible.

1:07:47 Adam No, but you feel that maybe she is. Is that true?

1:07:52 Caller I'm just, say that again, I didn't hear you.

1:07:53 Adam All right, where, okay, so what happened? She was just violently raped?

1:07:58 Caller Well, you know, she was just at the wrong part of town.

1:08:02 Adam What happened? What happened?

1:08:04 Caller She was in the wrong part of town late at night and some guy came at her from behind.

1:08:09 Drew With a weapon?

1:08:10 Caller Well, no, no weapon.

1:08:12 Drew Just a weapon.

1:08:12 Caller He was just bigger than her.

1:08:15 Adam And he just raped her right there in the street?

1:08:17 Caller Yeah, in an alley.

1:08:20 Adam Really? And she's not completely traumatized by this?

1:08:28 Caller I don't know. I think she's gone through therapy and everything. She does have the desire to have sex. It's just...

1:08:36 Drew Did you guys like meet in a hospital or something, Scott?

1:08:39 Caller What?

1:08:40 Drew Did you two meet in a hospital or something? Scott? Did you two meet in a hospital or something?

1:08:50 Adam Scott, what's wrong with you? Do you have a problem?

1:08:52 Caller Well, my problem...

1:08:54 Adam Next caller! Scott, what is your problem? Are you on medication?

1:09:00 Caller Yes, depakote.

1:09:02 Drew Did you two meet in a hospital?

1:09:04 Caller We met in high school.

1:09:05 Drew High school.

1:09:07 Adam Drew knew it started with an H, though, right? I was gonna say Hebrew school.

1:09:10 Drew I knew something was going on with Scott.

1:09:12 Adam All right, Scott. Listen, everything's great. Don't get married too fast. There's a lot here. Believe me, there's a lot here.

1:09:21 Drew Yeah, you should be paying attention. Oh, boy, there it is. You should be paying attention to all these details about this girl if you're gonna marry her. There's a whole ton missing to her story that you should know.

1:09:30 Adam And Scott's kinda seems like a saver. And saver guys are always the same. They're sorta nerd meets nurse. They're nerdses. What they do is they're like, they speak, they're sort of robotic in their speaking. They don't process information too well.

1:09:46 Drew But they also can't be troubled with reality. They don't bother me with reality, no details.

1:09:50 Adam Right, she may not really even be into Scott.

1:09:52 Drew No, who knows?

1:09:54 Adam Oh, oh no, we know.

1:09:55 Drew We don't know what it is. We know, we know there's a lot missing.

1:09:57 Adam He's a saver.

1:09:58 Drew Yeah, I know.

1:09:59 Adam She ain't attracted to the saver. She wants to be attracted to the saver, but he's a nice guy.

1:10:05 Drew Maybe one of them, we don't know. All we know is there's a ton missing. Ton missing information.

1:10:08 Adam I don't even know if they're engaged. That could be Scott's reality. He said yes.

1:10:13 Drew Does she know?

1:10:14 Adam Here's what we're gonna get. It's gonna take 20 minutes. You prepared to find out, and then here's what's gonna happen. He asked her if she would be engaged in it.

1:10:23 Drew She said she'd think about it.

1:10:24 Adam She nodded.

1:10:24 Drew Yeah.

1:10:25 Adam She belched, and in many cultures. Scott?

1:10:28 Caller Yeah?

1:10:29 Adam Who asked who to get engaged?

1:10:32 Caller Originally, I asked her to marry me.

1:10:35 Drew Right now.

1:10:35 Adam Originally, right.

1:10:37 Caller Yes, and we've kind of gone back and forth. Kind of, she's asked me, I've asked her, but we've already set our date, all invitations have gone out. The wedding's set.

1:10:49 Adam The wedding is set.

1:10:50 Caller For next month.

1:10:51 Adam What's the date, and where are you guys registered? Cause I'm gonna pick you kids up something.

1:10:56 Caller It is gonna be in-

1:10:57 Drew Scott, ba.

1:10:58 Adam What do you mean? What's the date?

1:11:00 Caller The date is October 18th.

1:11:03 Adam All right.

1:11:03 Drew 718th.

1:11:04 Adam 718th, all right.

1:11:05 Caller It's the 18th, cause their birthday's the 17th.

1:11:08 Adam Where are you guys registered?

1:11:10 Caller Where's our marriage license?

1:11:12 Adam All right, you gotta get registered, buddy.

1:11:14 Caller Our marriage license is registered for Santa Cruz.

1:11:16 Adam No, no, no, you gotta go to like Crate and Barrel and pick out a bunch of stuff you want. You see what I'm saying?

1:11:22 Caller Oh, okay.

1:11:23 Adam I got married a year ago. I got 70 tons of place settings. It's great. Never use them. Just trip over them all the time. But I got thousands of placemats. I got forks. I got a lot of forks. You know, actually, I got married, we just said we don't want anything. Just donate your money to this charitable cause. But I think a lot of people kind of wussed out on that.

1:11:43 Drew Got you forks?

1:11:44 Adam No, no, just kind of.

1:11:45 Drew Did nothing?

1:11:46 Adam It's a fair amount of that, yeah.

1:11:48 Drew Really?

1:11:49 Adam Well, you know, that's the whole thing. Like, if you let people off the hook, like if you go, if you go like, if you're just getting gifts, then you know who got you a gift and who didn't get you a gift. But if someone, I mean, think about it. If someone said this to you, look, don't give me a gift. I'm never gonna know about it. But I'd like you to make a donation to this charity that I'm involved with.

1:12:09 Drew And send you sort of a notification of what was sent in on your behalf.

1:12:14 Adam I don't think you do, but you might. But even so, you don't keep track of it. And then you have a year to do that.

1:12:19 Drew Right, right. Yeah, it's done. Yeah.

1:12:22 Adam All right. We're gonna take ourselves a little break. Nickelback in studio tonight. And we'll be right back after this.

1:12:41 Brought to you by Trojan, America's most trusted condom for over 80 years.

1:12:50 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Chad and Ryan are both here from Nickelback. Actually, Chad has just stepped into the boys' room, but he'll be back momentarily. Ryan, anything you want to say about Chad while he's gone?

1:13:08 Caller I had something, oh, you beat me to it, sorry.

1:13:11 Adam He's back. Chad is back and he's better than ever, everybody. The Long Road is the name of the CD. It's coming out about now. Just assume it's out. Go out and get that, and then Nickelback is going out, gonna do their big, fat tour in about a month, and you can go to www.nickelback.com if you want to find out any information. I have their tour dates here, and they're all over the place. I mean, they're gonna be all over the country. Website. Go to the website, find out everything. All right, let's talk to Sarah, who's 25. Sarah?

1:13:48 Nickelback Hey, what's going on, guys?

1:13:49 Adam Hey, what's happening?

1:13:51 Nickelback How are you?

1:13:52 Adam Good.

1:13:53 Nickelback I just got some questions for you. I moved in with my boyfriend, probably, about, I don't know, nine months ago, and I wrote a letter to my parents telling them what was going on, and now they won't speak to me anymore.

1:14:09 Drew Is that something you knew they had strong feelings about?

1:14:12 Nickelback What's that?

1:14:13 Drew Did you know they would have strong feelings like this?

1:14:17 Nickelback Well, they're very conservative, very religious, and, but I value their relationship, and I just don't know how to go about, you know, Sarah, I get that.

1:14:28 Drew Did you know they would react like this?

1:14:30 Nickelback I didn't realize they'd be like this.

1:14:32 Drew And is it something about the guy or is it just the moving in?

1:14:35 Nickelback I think it's both.

1:14:37 Drew What's wrong with the guy?

1:14:39 Nickelback To me, nothing. To them, it's, I think they expected, you know, they're in the Midwest, they're in Nebraska, and they just expected me to find, you know, like a guy that would be a, you know, the breadwinner and, you know, all that kind of stuff.

1:14:55 Drew So you found a loser.

1:14:56 Adam What's this guy do?

1:14:57 Nickelback Does it matter?

1:15:01 Caller Well, that might answer the question as to why your parents are here.

1:15:04 Adam Every question I ask matters to me. All you guys should know that, and that's why you need to answer it.

1:15:11 Nickelback He's looking for stuff. He's actually...

1:15:13 Caller He's a drug dealer.

1:15:14 Drew Right now.

1:15:15 Nickelback No, he's not.

1:15:16 Adam What's he do?

1:15:18 Nickelback Let's just say that he makes a lot of money in sports.

1:15:22 Adam Oh, he gambles.

1:15:22 Drew Is it bookie? Bookie.

1:15:27 Adam He didn't take the over with the Raiders game tonight, did he?

1:15:30 Nickelback I'm not saying.

1:15:31 Adam Oh, brutal.

1:15:32 Nickelback Secret.

1:15:33 Adam Raiders put 10 points on the board. 10 points.

1:15:36 Wow. They block a punt.

1:15:39 Adam He's still bitter.

1:15:40 They block the punt.

1:15:41 Adam They recovered on the six yard line. They can't get in the end zone. That's all I needed. I don't understand. Look, the guy's an idiot.

1:15:49 Drew You don't understand your parents would have an issue with you living with a criminal?

1:15:53 Nickelback Well, they don't know that.

1:15:55 Drew Well, they probably have a pretty good idea about it.

1:15:57 Adam They don't think he's an orthodontist either though, do they?

1:15:59 Nickelback No, no.

1:16:00 Adam They don't know what he does.

1:16:01 Drew But they know it's not good.

1:16:03 Nickelback No, but I still need to know how to justify the relationship with my parents. And you know, you can't help the one you love either.

1:16:11 Drew Oh, you can't.

1:16:12 Adam Or whom you love. You're getting in deeper now. Cause now you're sounding like these women that fall in love with the guys that are in jail. Yeah. Now what's up? God bless them. Yeah.

1:16:22 Nickelback Because I don't think that way. I didn't even realize what he did before this all happened. We were best friends for about two years. And I knew, you know, what he was doing before, but.

1:16:35 Adam Well, look, I don't think gambling on football or any sport should be illegal. I don't think gambling should be illegal. Or if it's going to be legal, let's get rid of the lottery and many other forms of gambling that it has.

1:16:47 Nickelback Well, then let's get rid of investment bankers too.

1:16:50 Drew No, Sarah.

1:16:51 Nickelback You're giving somebody your money.

1:16:53 Drew Sarah, no.

1:16:54 Adam Sarah's giving the speech. You can tell more than once. But here's what we do know. The guys who do this are dicey.

1:17:02 Drew They're criminals. They're willing to break the law.

1:17:06 Adam I'm not passing judgment on the criminal part. I'm passing judgment on he doesn't have a job part.

1:17:10 Drew Well, and he is willing.

1:17:11 Nickelback Right, and that's what I agree. I know that.

1:17:14 Drew He's willing to break the law.

1:17:16 Adam Yeah. So why, anyway, why move in with this guy?

1:17:21 Nickelback I am in love.

1:17:22 Adam You are in love. All right. Yeah. We're not trusting this for some reason. He's a good guy?

1:17:27 Drew No.

1:17:28 Nickelback A very good guy. Why?

1:17:29 Drew Oh, please.

1:17:30 Adam Why? What's his name? Is his name Kurt?

1:17:34 Nickelback I'm not going to tell you what his name is.

1:17:36 Adam Oh, that means Kurt. And I don't trust guys named Kurt. Okay, so what do you do? Do you work?

1:17:44 Nickelback Yes.

1:17:45 Adam What do you do?

1:17:47 Nickelback I work for an airline.

1:17:50 Adam And you do customer service? Cause you sound just bitchy enough to work customer service.

1:17:55 Nickelback No, not customer service.

1:17:57 Adam All right. Okay, so listen, Sarah, you sound angry and maybe it's just at me, but you do sound kind of angry. Are you angry?

1:18:04 Nickelback No, I'm not angry at all.

1:18:05 Adam Not angry at your parents? You love your parents very much?

1:18:10 Nickelback And I've, you know, this was gonna be the career that we had planned on for him and it happened.

1:18:17 Adam Well, what is he, is he trying to do anything else? Yes. What's he trying to do?

1:18:22 Nickelback He was in like post-editing for a while.

1:18:26 Adam All right, so here's the deal then, as far as parents go and all this stuff. If this guy turns out to be a good guy and he treats you right and everything, your parents get over everything. I mean, look, parents get over, conservative parents will get over their son being gay, by the way. I mean, Drew, you know, because when you drop that bomb on your parents, I mean, they threw you out of the house. They said, you're not a Pinsky anymore and they didn't want to talk to you ever again, right?

1:18:49 Drew Like I said, once they got to know you, Adam, everything was all right.

1:18:52 Adam That's right. They will, coutchouc, Drew. And by the way, Drew's second joke in as many weeks. Which is a tear for Drew because Drew usually goes, I mean, he goes 70, 80 shows without a joke. Easily, easily. And that's two in two weeks, everybody. That's three for the year. I mean, on this pace, you'll be at four and a half before the calendar year or something. Can't wait. Here's the point. They will get over anything as long as the guy treats you right, you don't show up back in Nebraska with a black eye, and they'll just get over it. That's it. But you have to give people a little time to brood and do their thing. Leave them alone for a month and send them another letter. Right? And maybe the guy can pick out a teaser for your dad or something like that and win them a couple bucks. Everything will be fine.

1:19:42 Drew Especially when Nebraska starts rolling around the country.

1:19:48 Adam Layla?

1:19:49 Yes.

1:19:50 Adam You're 19?

1:19:51 Caller Yeah. I'm calling because I work in a strip club. It's an all-new strip club.

1:19:58 Adam All-new?

1:19:59 Caller Yeah. Recently, I developed a rash on my forearm and I showed it to my friend who also used to work at the same club as me and now has gone to another club. And she told me that she thought it was scabies. And I went to the doctor.

1:20:14 Drew One forearm?

1:20:15 Caller Yes.

1:20:16 Adam Is it the pole arm? Cause you know, that's the one you hook and swing around. That's a good service, a pole cleaning service. I'd like to start a little business up, right? Is that a metaphor? I just, it would be good, but I actually just clean Strip Club poles. I disinfect them, I clean them and I buff them. I have a crazy, I have an outfit that's made out of sheepskin and I just attack it. I dry hump the thing and I take Brasso and I pour it all over my chest and I just go around as fast as I can.

1:20:49 Caller That's not a pretty sight for you to throw in.

1:20:50 Adam Yeah.

1:20:51 Caller Would you wear a garter belt to collect trip tips at the same time? Would you?

1:20:57 Adam I do it after hours. I do it after it's close. So, could it be scabies, Drew, do you think?

1:21:03 Drew No, scabies are some...

1:21:05 Caller Well, one other part too. I have already gone to the doctor and gotten a cream for it and I was told to apply it from head to toe. I didn't really massage it into my scalp, in my hair too much because I was under the understanding that it doesn't usually affect the scalp.

1:21:24 Drew No, that's all right. You're fine.

1:21:25 Adam Head to toe?

1:21:26 Caller It hasn't gone away.

1:21:27 Drew Listen, scabies is symmetrical. It's the wrist, ankles, belt line.

1:21:33 Adam Oh, really?

1:21:33 Drew It's not one arm.

1:21:34 Adam What is scabies?

1:21:35 Drew It's a bug.

1:21:36 Caller Well, it's spreading. No, I mean, I have some on my left arm as well, but there is a lot more on the right arm and it's not spread across my body like I would expect it to.

1:21:49 Caller Is it affecting tips?

1:21:50 Caller It has transmitted to other people. I have two people that I was in close contact with that now have spots as well and theirs is not spread to the state that mine is.

1:22:01 Adam That's great. Guy's got to go home and explain to his wife while he has a lap full of scabies. It's fantastic.

1:22:08 Caller What does it sound like?

1:22:09 Adam I got it at work. Bert, you do data entry. I know, but it gets pretty vigorous sometimes. Really? Have you given it to customers?

1:22:20 Caller I don't think I've given it to any customers, at least no one's given it to me. It was actually just personal friends that have.

1:22:27 Adam I see. Ace buddies.

1:22:29 Drew Scabies is a good bet. It's certainly worth trying a treatment of scabies, but that will get better very quickly if it is scabies. Again, I don't know what you're trying to say.

1:22:37 Caller Also, my other question is, if I did contract this from the club, my friend's speculation was that it's possibly in the chairs at the club because they don't clean those regularly.

1:22:49 Drew Scabies. Yeah, if it's scabies.

1:22:50 Caller If I'm going to keep going back to the club, how likely is it that I'm going to keep reinfecting myself with the mites?

1:22:57 Drew Pretty high.

1:22:58 Adam Hey, Layla. Uh-huh. You do lap dances?

1:23:02 Caller Yes.

1:23:03 Adam What do you guys charge? 20 bucks?

1:23:05 Caller Except on Sunday and Tuesday. Those are $10 days.

1:23:09 Adam $10 Tuesdays?

1:23:11 Caller Yes. $10 Tuesdays. But every other day is $20.

1:23:16 Adam It should be, Sunday should be $20 for Jews, because it's not their, it's not their day of Sabbath. You know what I mean? They would, that would be a good strip club day for them. You know, the Christians, they got that sort of weight of this sort of, you know, he died on the cross kind of thing. But the Jews, that's a free day for them. That's a free, free down for them.

1:23:33 Drew And did you see a dermatologist?

1:23:34 Caller I saw that by management.

1:23:35 Adam Yeah, work, work that out.

1:23:37 Drew Did you see a dermatologist?

1:23:39 Caller It was a general practice.

1:23:48 Adam It was a general practice. You better see a dermatologist, something is very funky here.

1:23:57 Caller I don't think I've noticed too many of them, like, actulating, but they mostly have hard ons and seem to be enjoying themselves quite a bit.

1:24:07 Adam Because I've learned, and it's something, thanks, Leo, but I didn't know this until recently. I got a handful of friends that have an orgasm when they go to a strip club. I know a guy or two that have three and four. Can you believe that?

1:24:23 Caller He's getting way more bang for his buck.

1:24:26 Adam I know.

1:24:27 Caller That's like $40 Tuesdays.

1:24:30 Drew I love the fact that Adam is outraged. I'm angry. Angry, outraged, disbelief.

1:24:35 Caller I haven't had one. I know.

1:24:38 Adam Can you believe it? It's like going to a buffet and not being able to swallow. You chew, you spit into a bucket, and then you watch your friend just nosh and go, I'm full of this. It's great. I've been spitting this into a bucket the whole time. You mean you can eat this stuff? It's one tenth the experience they're having. I mean, right? Jesus Christ. I know guys, really three or four. He'd leave the buffet. Really? He had like three.

1:25:04 Caller What do your friends do? What do your friends do?

1:25:06 Do you sit next to these guys when doing that or what?

1:25:07 Adam I'm on. I'm giving them the lap dance. That's why I'm... Oh. We're in the vicinity. They shove like tissue paper down their shorts and stuff. They're just regular guys. They just have a trigger. Their trigger's more sensitive.

1:25:24 I don't know any of my friends that do that.

1:25:25 Caller I don't know anybody who's ever had that.

1:25:27 They sound irregular.

1:25:29 Adam I'm jealous. That's all. I'm envious. Let's take ourselves a little break. I would like the US. Mint to start minting $15 bills because I'm convinced a lap dance would cost $15 at a lot of places if they had $15 bills. Everything is $20 because we have $20s. $10, too light. $15, that would be the average cost for a lap dance. It would be $15 if there was a $15 bill, but they just slide up to $20 because that's the nearest one and they're rounding up. Work on that. I want a $15 bill because in Canada, $20 is like $14, $15, and that's right. That's perfect. You guys got it right over there. So you guys are lucky. You're right in that sweet zone of lap dancing. We're the inflated $20 rate.

1:26:24 Drew We can tell you what the bank is. I want $300 and $15.

1:26:30 Adam We will take ourselves a little break. Nickelback here. We'll be right back after this.

1:26:44 Caller This is Loveline on 94.7 NRK.

1:27:03 Adam That's Dr. Drew and Nickelback in here tonight. Chad and Ryan, both here from the band. They're going to be on Leno Thursday night. So if you want to see Nickelback before they go out on tour, you can check them out on Leno Thursday night. And then if you want to see them live and in person, you just go to www.nickelback.com, find out when they're coming to your town and go see them. All right, the new CD is, just consider it out. Heather?

1:27:31 Caller Yeah.

1:27:32 Adam You're 19?

1:27:33 Caller Yes, I am.

1:27:34 Adam What's up?

1:27:35 Caller Well, when I use a vibrator, it's really easy for me to come to orgasm, but sex, oral sex, manual stimulants, I can't ever come to orgasm, ever. Is that more of a mental thing or a physical thing?

1:27:50 Drew No, it's pretty much always a physical thing.

1:27:53 Caller Is it?

1:27:54 Drew For the most part.

1:27:54 Adam Well, if the vibrator's working for you, guys can't compete with that. Even if we roll our Rs, we can't compete with that kind of RPM.

1:28:02 Drew Did you start with the vibrator?

1:28:05 Caller Well, I had, actually, I was sexually active for a couple years, but I could never come to orgasm, so I went and bought a vibrator, and I don't have a problem with that. It doesn't even take me very long, but I mean, even manually myself, I can't.

1:28:22 Adam How about using the vibrator with your man partner?

1:28:25 Caller Well, yeah, I mean, I could do that. I don't have a problem with doing that, but is it, I mean, I wanted to be able to fix it so that I can do it without it.

1:28:32 Drew That is fixing it. By the way, there's no cheating when it comes to obtaining the orgasm, you know what I mean?

1:28:37 Adam No, it's not like the baddest cork or anything. We don't look at it that way.

1:28:41 Drew That's how you do it.

1:28:43 Adam You bring the vibrator into the bedroom, the guy will be happy. That's fine.

1:28:50 Caller Yeah, unless it's far, far bigger. He might feel a little jealous, and that's about it. Guy sees a toy coming into the bedroom, he's like, touch down.

1:28:58 Adam Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that vibrator, we don't look at that as cheating. That's just a little wind at our back. It's a little home team advantage, you know what I mean? Guy's looking for a little advantage, that's all. That's the home team, that's all. We got the crowd behind us.

1:29:15 Caller Is that something I'll eventually get over or is it just something that I'm always gonna have to have?

1:29:20 Drew You are 19 and things will start to function a little more easily as you head towards your 30s.

1:29:24 Caller Thank God.

1:29:27 Adam Look, here's the other thing though, and only women could do this. They can have an orgasm with a vibrator, then they bring the vibrator out with the guy and no orgasm using the guy and the vibrator. What is this? I don't know. It becomes too much, too. And by the way, when has a guy ever stopped sex and been like, it's too much? It's too much. It's too much. I gotta stop. It's overwhelming. My nads are overwhelmed. It's too good a BJ. I gotta stop. What, really? That's never. That's never happened to me. Guys like, guys like, hey, I gotta rub a little icy hot on my joints, see if I can get a little more. I'm looking for a little more, do a little bump a blow, turn the flat screen on, put a little icy hot on the nuts. I'm looking for a little more. Guys are like, too much, too much. Women do that and they get that vibrator. I was like, too much, too much. So I don't know what, and also they can't, sometimes they can't focus very good either when there's a guy there, like, you know.

1:30:30 Drew Right, can't be distracted by sex.

1:30:32 Adam Yeah, you really would, I mean, you really would think if she loves that vibrator and she loves you, then when I take that vibrator and mix it with me, this is a Reese's, yeah, you love peanut butter, you love chocolate, do I got the candy for you? But then they take a bite of it and they're like, no, this is horrible, it's too much, too much. You love peanut butter, you love chocolate, this is, no, no, no, too much. Only chicks can do that, a guy would be like, what we need to do is we need to put 80 of these in a blender and then we need to top it off with some skippy peanut butter and we need to drink it, okay, or main line, or do it regularly, you know, but a guy would never be too much. And how are you supposed to foresee too much? You know what I mean?

1:31:19 Drew Right, as a guy.

1:31:20 Adam As a guy, it's like, yeah, get the peanut butter, get the chocolate, we're in, we're in. Right, now.

1:31:24 Drew And then they're angry with you, hey, you made me eat the chocolate and the peanut butter.

1:31:27 Adam You should have known. What do you think?

1:31:29 Drew It's too much. Forget it.

1:31:32 Adam That's why, guys, we have to start thinking of ourselves. That's it. Done. Done figuring out the ladies. You guys take care of yourselves. You get that vibe, whatever it takes for you. I'm showing up, I'm punching in, I'm doing my job, and I'm out of there. I'm like a disgruntled employee. You know what I mean? I'm a file for disability. That's who I am.

1:31:51 Drew Good back pain.

1:31:52 Adam Yeah, I got a long weekend coming up. It's Friday, it's noon, I'm just riding it out. I'll get out of here, I'm punching out of five, I'm going home.

1:31:58 Drew Marie is 16.

1:31:59 Adam Marie? You're 16?

1:32:01 Caller Yeah.

1:32:02 Adam What's up?

1:32:04 Caller I wanted to know, how do I know if I'm ready for sex?

1:32:09 Drew When you stop asking that question.

1:32:12 Adam Do you have a boyfriend?

1:32:14 Caller No, I don't right now. But, like, when I did, I was thinking seriously about it, and then like something else came up and we broke up, but I have a friend who we were like talking about it and we're both like thinking seriously about it and I don't know if I want to do it with him because like I wanted to mean something, you know?

1:32:38 Adam Yeah, don't do that.

1:32:38 Drew When you're ambivalent like that, don't do it. And wait till you're at least 17 and a half.

1:32:43 Caller Yeah.

1:32:45 Adam And let me say this, there's this whole thing going on that didn't used to exist, which is this open dialogue about guys going, listen, you're looking for somebody to bust your cherry, my joint's always looking for a nice garage parking, maybe we can work, as if you're talking about like, it's like you're saying, listen, I'm going to Coast Guard Reserve, so I'm going to be gone two weekends out of each year. Hey, if you need a truck that you can borrow mine, you got to pick up the payment. It's like these casual conversations, people having about oral sex and getting it on. It's great for guys and guys are playing it cool and they're like, yeah, well, I think I could accommodate you if you want to lose Friday, Friday's no good. I got an opening. I got an opening between noon and one on Friday. Yeah, don't do this because women always remember losing their virginity. They always remember the guy they lost it with.

1:33:40 Drew Never met a woman who hadn't wished she'd waited, hadn't waited longer.

1:33:44 Adam Yeah.

1:33:45 Drew For every woman, whatever, it could have been 30, too soon.

1:33:47 Adam Yeah, they always wish it was with another guy and they waited just a little bit longer. Alright, Nickelback in studio tonight. Take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:33:56 Caller All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:33:59 Caller Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person. One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline.

1:34:05 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:34:16 Caller Loveline on 947NRK is brought to you by Car Toys.

1:34:34 Adam All right, everybody, that's the show. Off to a bumpy start, but like a runner that stumbled getting out of the blocks, and then we hit our stride. Wouldn't you say?

1:34:45 Caller Yes.

1:34:47 Adam No.

1:34:48 Caller You know, the stride was never met?

1:34:50 Adam No, we hit the stride. We hit the stride. I feel very good about this show. I'm proud of this show.

1:34:55 Drew You should be. You build it up.

1:34:56 Adam All right. Nickelback, everybody. The Long Road, name of the CD. Great seeing you guys again.

1:35:04 Drew I hope you win money on your football next time. You sounded pretty down.

1:35:07 Adam Don't worry, I'll be back. Oh yes, because I'm a winner, right Drew?

1:35:10 Drew A winner.

1:35:11 Adam I don't care what anyone says. So, until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:17 Caller How do I know if I'm ready for sex?

1:35:20 Drew When you stop asking that question.

1:35:27 This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Monday, September 22, 2003