Episode 1000570412611

0:55 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

1:00 I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

1:05 Adam Phone number is 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Davey and Jade, both here from AFI tonight. Always good to see AFI. They were in here not too long ago. Weeroast time.

1:18 AFI It was March.

1:18 Adam March, okay.

1:19 AFI It was March 11th. It was it this time on March 10th because it was the day before our latest record came out.

1:29 Adam March 10th, everybody.

1:30 AFI Yes, just in case you're wondering.

1:34 Adam Hey, great!

1:37 Hey, fantastic.

1:38 AFI Were you saying something more interesting than that before I started talking?

1:41 Adam My mind just drifted back to March 10th of 2003 and all of a sudden we're back there, we're talking AFI. We're going to play stuff off the CD, Sing the Sorrow is the name of the CD. I'm trying to think of some questions to ask. I like to plug, I like to plug, but you know, the problem is-

2:02 AFI We like to be plugged, they just go back from the US.

2:04 Adam Oh, okay, we can talk about that, because the problem is, is, you know, they always go, they're going to be playing at the Universal Amphitheater, sold out. So then it's like, well, if you plug it, it's moot because it's-

2:13 AFI We should plug our Tucson shows, our Green Bay shows.

2:16 AFI You're bragging for us.

2:18 AFI Yeah. Oh, are we really?

2:19 Adam Yeah.

2:20 AFI Oh, wow. Those aren't sold out.

2:21 Drew When are you going to be there?

2:24 AFI When are we going to be there?

2:25 AFI In like two weeks.

2:27 AFI Before the Universal shows. Yeah.

2:29 AFI What is it?

2:30 Adam I'll tell you what people can do. If they go to your website, because we're probably on in just about every city you're going to end up in over the next few months. If they go to your website, you got your schedule down there, right?

2:44 AFI Yes.

2:45 Adam And give that website then. Oh wait, I got it. It's www.afireinside.net.

2:54 AFI That's great.

2:54 Adam One big long word, afireinside.net. If you go to that, you'll find the schedule to see when they're coming to a town near you or possibly even your very own town. So you're just back from Europe?

3:05 AFI Yeah.

3:06 Adam How was that? It's pretty good.

3:10 AFI In Italy, people were, you know, urinating and defecating right out in the open. Really? Just kind of like stopped in the middle of thousands of people and just kind of, you know, do it and continue on your way.

3:20 AFI Yeah. There was actually a lot of urination at European festivals. You can see it.

3:23 Drew Urination is one thing.

3:24 AFI Yeah.

3:24 AFI Exactly.

3:25 Adam Yeah, defecation is another, yeah.

3:26 AFI And there was- That's one to a new level.

3:27 Drew Is it some sort of statement?

3:29 AFI I just don't think they care.

3:30 Adam Yeah, I'm drunk.

3:31 AFI At least at this, there was a whole line of guys at this fence all taking a leak at the same time. Our merch guy went around to face them. It was kind of like a Braveheart thing.

3:39 Adam Sure.

3:39 AFI And they were all just, you know, it was in the middle of a field, like right where everybody, all families and stuff. And there was at least one guy just like going for it, you know. Squatting. Yes.

3:48 Adam Oh, really?

3:49 AFI In the middle of the crowd.

3:50 Adam Yeah, I wonder if they, you know, I don't think they have civil engineers over there. I don't think they sweat the details like we do here. I mean, like, you know, what we do is like, if you're going to do an event and you have 70,000 asses, that's going to be 700,000 lineal feet of crap, you must have 122 porta potties in order to accommodate that ass. Each ass is good for 14.6 to inches of duke.

4:20 Drew They don't consider themselves responsible for the people. You know what I mean?

4:24 Adam No, Europe is like, hey, take a dump before you leave the house.

4:26 AFI I think there's just lack of interest in the porta potties that were there. Oh, really?

4:30 AFI You know that a lot of the toilets over there are just holes in the ground with footprints beside them.

4:33 AFI Or worse.

4:34 Drew Worse?

4:35 AFI Or worse, the shelf.

4:36 AFI Holes in the roof. The shelf.

4:37 Drew The shelf?

4:39 AFI How's the shelf work?

4:39 AFI You can describe the shelf.

4:40 AFI I'm not really up to that. You guys have been to it.

4:42 Adam No, I don't know how the shelf works.

4:45 Drew You sit on a shelf in the hole.

4:46 AFI They have them in Germany for sure. And I think they have them in Italy.

4:50 AFI And the hole is civilized compared to the shelf.

4:51 AFI Yes, it is.

4:52 Drew Well, tell us about the shelf.

4:53 AFI Man, I'd really not rather talk about fecal matter. Is it just a shelf you sit on?

4:57 Drew You leave a deposit on the shelf?

5:02 AFI Drew's a doctor, you can tell him. I'm just not a fan of fecal conversations. Some people are. Our guitar tech, RJ, is.

5:11 AFI Yeah, note the shelf.

5:13 Adam Well, I think it's safe to say that this country leads the world in disposal of refuse that comes out of your anus. Yes, Drew?

5:23 Drew I didn't know that.

5:24 Adam Well, I can tell you like India would be close to the bottom of the list. And I think we gotta be pretty much on the vanguard of Duke. Japan's good. I hear Japan is good too.

5:36 AFI But Japan has the hole.

5:37 Adam Yeah, see Japan has the hole. They do. All right, well, see I.

5:40 AFI They also have the bidet in it. Yeah, they have the bidet, which is great fun.

5:43 Adam I worked construction for many years, so I'm used to the hole. The thing about the guys who clean those porta potties out too, it's not like there's some hose bib on the outside that they hook some fitting up to. They just drop the hose right into the hole. The guy pulls up in the hunting wagon. It looks like a water truck. It's got a tank on it. Guy comes walking out, pulls the hose out, drops the hose just into the business end of the toilet, hits the pump, and that thing's just like...

6:11 AFI We were just in Europe. We were driving along in our bus, and the bus driver pulls over to the side of the highway and opens the bottom of the toilet. And it's like, just like right there on the side of the road. And then we took off.

6:21 Adam Oh, he just dumped it.

6:22 AFI Yeah.

6:23 Adam Oh, it's like a cruise ship. Blue ice, baby.

6:26 AFI This summer on a festival tour, Fritz saw that guy, actually, I mean, typical, sorry, in the porta potty that was set precariously on some sort of platform, go in, and have the thing fall over, door down.

6:37 Adam Oh, door down.

6:38 AFI Yeah, door down.

6:40 Drew Shelf, yes or no?

6:41 AFI This is in America.

6:43 AFI This is in America.

6:44 AFI This is, but it fell on the door.

6:46 Adam Let me tell you, door down, I never really even thought about that. That's the-

6:51 Drew It wasn't screaming bloody murder.

6:52 Adam Door down.

6:53 AFI Yeah, it was like, people heard like, boom. And they looked around to see what's going on. And this porta-body is on door down on the ground and someone's banging on the wall. So they lifted up, I guess he was lucky though. I mean-

7:02 Adam Oh sure, he's blessed.

7:03 AFI He was lucky because it was, apparently he was first.

7:06 AFI Oh really?

7:07 AFI So he was just blue when he came out from the disinfectant.

7:10 Adam True. I, porta-body should be designed so there's no door downside. I mean, like a wedge.

7:17 AFI You could have an ejector suit.

7:18 Adam A hatch you could blow.

7:20 AFI Yeah, like a fire exit.

7:21 AFI Ejector suit.

7:22 Adam Yeah, I mean, I'm talking about explosive bolts where you actually pull something and you're sent 300, 400 yards from the porta-body.

7:30 AFI This is such a bum out what we're talking about.

7:32 Adam All right, let's take some calls.

7:33 AFI I mean, it might be just me, the listeners might like it.

7:37 Drew See, Adam was fretting over what it was he was actually gonna talk to you guys about tonight.

7:40 AFI You know what though, I'd rather talk about this than you asking us about, I don't know, like how it was making the record or something like that.

7:46 Adam Yeah, so try.

7:49 AFI It's boring, nobody wants to hear that.

7:50 Adam All right, well, let's take some calls. That's what we should do. John? John?

7:58 Drew Barely hear him.

8:00 Adam John?

8:00 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

8:01 Adam All right, what's up?

8:03 Caller Yeah, I just got a question about my relationship.

8:08 Adam Yeah, you gotta speak up, John. Are you on the phone?

8:11 Caller Yeah, I'm on the, can you hear me?

8:12 Drew Barely.

8:13 Adam You're a little dim.

8:14 Okay, I'll try to speak up though.

8:17 Drew And we can't hear you.

8:18 Adam Drew's first joke of the year, by the way. What are we in? September? Not bad, not bad. John?

8:27 Caller Yeah.

8:28 Adam Okay, what's up?

8:30 Caller Okay, I'm 20 years old and I've been with my fiance for four years now. I've already, I bought a brand new house just recently. I have two cars. I have a pretty stable job.

8:46 Drew What do you do?

8:47 Caller I'm in sales. All right. The thing is, is that throughout the four years we've been together, things have gotten really rocky, you know, stuff that happened that has really put a damper on the relationship.

9:05 Drew You both cheated.

9:07 Caller Well, we both did cheat, but-

9:11 Drew Okay, that would be a yes. Yes, you both cheated.

9:14 Caller Well, she doesn't know about my cheating.

9:16 Drew All right, well, be that as it may. Are you 20?

9:19 Caller I am 20.

9:20 Drew And how old is she?

9:20 Caller She is 23.

9:22 Drew So you guys have been together since you were 16 and she was 19? People in their 20s have real trouble being in monogamous relationships.

9:31 Adam Do you have kids?

9:33 Caller We do have a daughter. Eight months old now.

9:40 Drew Well, there you go, you gotta stop.

9:41 Adam Now you gotta hang out. I'm putting him on hold because his horrible connection, but the reason I asked about the kids is because he's not married. She's a fiance, but they're not married. And they're 20. They both, she's 23. They're both cheated. This is the kind of thing you would just chalk up to experience and move on.

9:57 Drew Yeah, they should both not be married till they're 30 for God's sakes. You know, they should just move on and go in their 10-year-old ways and not...

10:03 Adam But what do you guys think? What do you guys think about stuff? Like once, I mean, not once in a while, almost all the time in a relationship, something comes up. Somebody sleeps with somebody's friends, somebody cheats. There's something, there's some piece of information that you find out about that you wish you could wring from your spongy brain, but you can't rinse it out of that brain of yours. And it plagues you. And it plagues you more 20, 20, 22, 25 than it does. Like when I was...

10:32 AFI I was still plagued.

10:33 Adam How old are you?

10:35 AFI I'm old.

10:38 Adam You were more plagued when you were younger. I mean, 19, 22, 25, yeah.

10:44 Drew Now isn't it hot in here right now?

10:47 Adam It's warming up.

10:47 AFI It is, it did warm up, you're right. It's not stuffy.

10:49 Adam Whenever you talk about Duke and play.

10:51 AFI Yeah, it's the subject matter.

10:52 Adam It warms up. No, but when I was in my early 20s, I would obsess on this kind of stuff. I couldn't focus on anything else. You become obsessive about these things.

11:04 Drew Two years crying on the steps of that sorority.

11:06 Adam All right, Drew, please. What about the patient physician privilege here?

11:11 Drew Remember that?

11:14 Adam All right, but here's my point. At 20, he might not get over this, her cheating.

11:20 Drew Yeah. Well, surely not through his 20s, because he'll take a little retribution, and it'll be a back and forth.

11:25 Adam Is that just testosterone that causes that?

11:29 AFI I just don't have an experience yet.

11:31 Drew Yeah, I think it's experience and immaturity and difficulty and knowing how to choose somebody for a relationship and be stable in a relationship. And then the testosterone just heats it up, just turns the afterburner on.

11:42 Adam Putting a sternocan under it. All right, so Buddy has an eight month old, so he needs to fly right, not cheat anymore, don't have any more kids and do what's right by his kid.

11:54 AFI No more cars either.

11:55 Adam All right, no more cars.

11:56 AFI Tying it up, John.

11:57 Adam And listen, I don't like any 20 year old with a brand new house and brand new cars.

12:01 Drew How does he do that?

12:02 AFI Two cars. What does he sell?

12:04 Drew He sells like a salesman. You were that way.

12:06 Adam Oh, when I was 20?

12:07 Drew Oh, yeah.

12:08 Adam Oh, finally.

12:09 Drew Get away.

12:10 Adam Please. When I was 20, I was like, I borrowed my stepmom's Honda and I got a stereo that's got eight track. It's got a cassette player and a turntable. It's all one unit. And the speakers are cool cause the wire just sticks out of the back. It's welded on the back. You can't change them.

12:30 AFI Yeah, like the house speakers in the back seat.

12:31 Oh yeah, that's another thing.

12:33 Adam I had a truck that had dinette seats as the seats in the truck. Yeah, that's nice. You know, people don't do that. They don't do that sort of cross-pollination that they used to back in the day where you actually had furniture in your car. You could have car speakers. You could have house speakers in there.

12:52 AFI We were on tour in England once, not too long ago. Perhaps a year ago, a year and a half ago where we were in the green poo. No, there was a couch in the thing.

13:02 AFI And a fireplace.

13:03 AFI And a fireplace in this.

13:04 AFI A wood-burning fireplace in the bus.

13:05 Adam Oh, in the bus?

13:06 AFI Yeah.

13:07 Adam That's sweet. Yeah, once in a while you'd see the guys with the house stereo speakers sitting up on the back shelf of the car.

13:13 AFI That's very calm where you come from.

13:15 Adam You would see, you could occasionally see even a chair or seat bolted in where the old bench seat was on the truck. And then here was a class move. This truck had an eight ball that was drilled out for a stick shift knob.

13:27 AFI That's nothing new.

13:28 Adam Remember when you used to just pick your own stick shift knob? You just go out, you get a car, you're like, hey, I'm gonna get a knob.

13:34 AFI Is there a graphics sticker on it? It makes your mini truck feel more homey, you know?

13:37 Adam Everyone knew whose truck that was. Whose piece of ass is that? That's Adam's piece of ass. Thank you. Mindy?

13:44 Yes.

13:45 Adam You're 21?

13:47 Caller Yes.

13:48 Adam Yeah, eight ball stick shift knob, baby. Chevy love.

13:52 Caller Sounds pretty pimping.

13:54 Adam Thank you.

13:56 Caller So, I just wanted to say hello to Davey and Jade. I love you guys. I love Adam and Hunter also. Thank you, we do too. I'm sure. And I just want to say every time you guys come to Denver, I go and see you. And at the end of the month, I will be going to New Mexico and El Paso to see you guys. So excited about it.

14:17 Adam Are you going there just to see the band?

14:19 Caller Yes.

14:22 AFI Thank you so much.

14:23 Caller You're at the Algonquin Show? I've never seen anybody perform like you guys. I have no idea how you do it.

14:28 AFI Thank you.

14:30 Caller So I actually wanted to know, I know that you guys write the music and the words, all your own songs, which is totally cool. Do you guys come up with the ideas for your videos also, or do you guys have somebody help with that creative input? How does that work?

14:44 AFI Actually, the last video, the Living Song Part 2 video, Dave and I came up with the concept for it. And the Girls Not Gray one was more the director, which is kind of what they want you to do. But on the Living Song 2, we were like, you know, we came up with it because we figured we would know best what kind of video would be best for our song.

15:01 Adam Your's Choice Award at the MTV Music Awards, this video awards this year. You know that, Drew?

15:07 Drew I saw him. You saw him?

15:08 Caller It's almost bittersweet. I'm so happy for you guys to win, but at the same time, I want to be selfish and keep you up to myself.

15:15 Adam You don't want everyone else to find out about them?

15:16 Caller Yeah, cause their shows are insane. You literally have to like push and fight your way to the front. And then it's just so completely crazy cause Davey always comes out to the audience and you can touch him and.

15:27 Adam I'm going to touch him in a minute.

15:30 AFI You can touch me right now.

15:35 Adam Touch Davey, would you? And then come touch me.

15:38 Caller Oh no.

15:40 Adam You can do that, never wash his cheek again kind of thing. Do people do that anymore? Well, Davey Jones would come kiss Marsha Brady and never wash her cheek. They use that joke anymore. I'll never wash his cheek again.

15:54 Caller Actually, Davey, you let me kiss you once on your cheek and I felt like that. I totally was like, oh my gosh, I never want to wash my lip.

16:02 AFI Oh, you never wanted him to wash his cheek.

16:04 Davey immediately showered, by the way.

16:06 Caller It's not like I'm obsessed like this over everybody. I don't even know if you want to call it obsessed. Just deep admiration.

16:11 AFI Well, thank you very much.

16:12 Drew Let's call it obsessed.

16:14 Caller So, are you guys planning on coming out with a new album any time soon or are you guys still focusing on a...

16:19 AFI We're in the middle of tour still.

16:21 AFI Yeah, it'll be a while.

16:22 Caller Yeah, definitely. So, yes. Thank you guys so much. I don't think there are words that I can even say.

16:29 Adam Well, we'll cut you off then. Thank you. Thank you very much. If you can't verbalize your appreciation for the band and it's time to let you go. She was good because most of the time they get... Here's what ends up happening. And Drew, you stop me if you disagree, but people get very overwhelmed. They get very excited. You know, it's a 14, 15 year old talking to somebody or some band or something that they idolize and they end up getting tripping over their words a little bit. It always takes a turn for the more insulting. Do you find they become sort of subdued and they go like, hey, you last down was okay. It's like they take a turn.

17:09 Drew I love you guys. What's with that last album?

17:11 I hate it.

17:12 Adam The third time. Yeah.

17:13 They do that too.

17:14 Adam Like they go, I idolize you guys, but your last down was pretty weak. I wonder if the record company had something to say about that.

17:22 AFI It's weird because when I was a kid going to shows, I would never say that to someone. I would never insult. You never talk.

17:28 Drew You never talk.

17:29 AFI I never went up to anybody and I went to see shows all the time. I would never go up even to the smallest man, but I certainly wouldn't insult or question what they're doing.

17:36 Adam Do you think you think you think kids are more empowered now than they were like, I'm OK. Here's what I want to say. Don't give me that head wipe thing. You know I'm right. When we were kids, we knew we were kids and we knew we were talking to older people. When you talk to older people like your mom could have had my mom had friends that were losers. I mean, she hung out with this dude named Zorback, drove like a micro bus.

17:59 Caller If I saw the guy today, I would just put him down.

18:03 Adam I would just put a bullet in him like a dog at the pound with his missing two legs and walking in a circle. But back then it was like, hey, it's Zorback. How are you?

18:13 Caller What?

18:13 Adam You want something? Should I? You know, Zorback said jump.

18:17 Caller I said, how high?

18:18 Adam Because he was he was 37 and I was 11. You know what I mean? Like if an adult, even if an adult you didn't like now, it's like don't talk to adults. You don't have to listen to anybody. If anyone tells you what to do, you come talk to me, but you don't listen to them. Like when we were growing up, it was more like, look, if somebody's parent tells you to do this or do that, you do it. Like anyone older than you tells you to do something. You do it.

18:42 AFI It's like Zorback. He's like kind of like a barbarian or something.

18:45 Adam Zorback was like some hessier nearly killed you.

18:49 AFI I'm picturing the Simpsons.

18:51 Caller Watch my microboast.

18:57 AFI Zorback sounds like the guy be wearing.

18:59 Adam That was Zorback. It gave me carbon monoxide poisoning when I fell asleep in the back of his micro bus on some horribly ill-fated camping trip. Here's what my mom hung out with. She hung out with Zorback, Happy, Sunshine and Axis.

19:19 Caller For real?

19:20 AFI That's a bum out.

19:22 Adam Axis.

19:24 Caller And someone named Pat.

19:26 Adam It would just sit on a wicker chair and smoke reefer out of a stone. Nobody uses that stone anymore. That's where they join. Or the apple. They use roach clips now, but back in the day, you'd just take that roach, you'd stuff it into that little stone. It was like a little bead that you'd do. Oh, yeah.

19:45 Drew She was cool.

19:47 Adam Her little cigarette, she called him.

19:52 Drew Everyone that was a loser was in charge, was better than anybody.

19:55 Adam Yeah, Zorbach was cooler than any guy had a job.

19:58 Drew It was the craziest time of the century.

19:59 Adam Or paid insurance or anything like that.

20:00 Drew The 70s? We're talking about the 70s?

20:02 AFI 70s.

20:02 Drew Early 70s.

20:03 Adam Yeah, he was cool.

20:04 Drew 60s was always a concept. 70s is when it came home to roost.

20:08 Adam Yeah. Why the hell is Zorbach running? Probably fighting off the ravages of hepatitis in some clinic somewhere and hoping kids are paying for him. Maybe he'll call in. It'd be nice. Well, he probably doesn't remember because it's like his real name was probably James or Jonathan or something that was Zorbach. Tyler? Yeah. You're 19?

20:27 Drew People took on hippie names then.

20:29 Adam What the hell? It was Happy, Sunshine and Axis.

20:32 Drew But in today, those were given names, you know what I mean? Those were names given by hippie parents and their kids.

20:37 Adam You had to take on your own hippie persona. She had one friend that changed her name from Sue to Marie, which was, now you're just running from the law at this point. That's a sideways move name-wise, right? All right. What's up, Tyler?

20:55 My girlfriend, she's pregnant and I'm two years older, she's 17 and the thing is, we're Mormon, so we can't really go to our parents with this problem and I'm just wondering how I can get an abortion. I mean, she's got a 4.0 and she's accepted to U of U for their psychology program and I'm just, I don't want to destroy her life and she doesn't want to have a kid right now. I mean, financially, I'm okay, but I mean-

21:21 Adam What's the U for us?

21:23 Drew Oh, okay.

21:23 Caller The University of Utah.

21:24 Adam The ironic thing is U of Us.

21:26 Drew The ironic thing was there last week.

21:28 Adam Oh, you were? They gotta do better than U of U.

21:37 Drew Tyler, listen, it's more complicated. Are you guys practicing in your community?

21:42 What do you mean?

21:43 Drew Do you connect to the Mormon community?

21:45 Oh, well, she is.

21:47 Drew You're not?

21:48 Yeah.

21:49 Drew And how does she feel about all this? She wants to have an abortion?

21:53 She does, because I mean, mainly the embarrassment, her mom's like got the whip to her, you know what I mean? So it's kind of crazy. Her mom doesn't think I'm good enough because I'm not rich enough or whatever. And for her to have a kid with me would just be unbelievable and she'd be proud of her family.

22:09 Drew Yeah. But her having an abortion would be over the top bad news for her family.

22:16 Yeah.

22:16 Adam Well, they're not going to find out. You don't send out cards when you do that thing. You slide under the radar. Tyler.

22:24 Yeah.

22:25 Adam Do they have Planned Parenthood in Utah?

22:28 It's hard to find. There's only a couple around here.

22:31 Drew Are you a Mormon?

22:33 Caller So, I mean, if it's...

22:34 Adam Well, listen, how many Planned... Wait a minute. There's only a couple. What, do you need five? Why? How many Planned Parenthoods do you need to have an abortion?

22:42 They're just busy all the time. It's hard to get in.

22:45 Adam All right. Listen. This is either bogus or you're stupid or you're taking a serious situation way too lightly. Which is it?

22:52 Probably I'm taking a serious situation way too lightly there, Adam.

22:55 Adam Okay. Well, that's a good answer. Well, look, get her and you down to a Planned Parenthood and talk to somebody.

23:01 Drew You're still going to be in the talking phase. There's always adoption. And I would think her parents would want her to come to them.

23:09 Adam Oh, they would. And now they wouldn't.

23:10 Drew And they would probably rather she have a child for adoption.

23:14 Adam I got a couple of things to say. First off, can you imagine working at Planned Parenthood in Utah? Are you just dodging gunfire the second you leave the front door every day? Like you're walking out to your car, just doing a shoulder roll, popping up around a dumpster. Then you just you just see the bush and that little twinkle twinkle sound like in the cartoons. Bush moving and stopping by the car. I mean, what, just have like an armored car pick you up? Like could you imagine that would be freaky working in a Planned Parenthood in Utah?

23:41 Drew I don't know what the state laws are in Utah either. In most states, people can get abortions after 14 live or not without parental consent.

23:48 Adam Yeah.

23:48 Drew Isn't that crazy? Well, I mean, the reality is she should be, I don't know, it's a complicated situation. All right.

23:56 Adam But Drew, everyone, look, everyone always does that. I think we make too much in life of people need to tell everyone everything and the parents should have a right to know. Drew, you don't want to know everything. Your kids are up to what's going on. Just take care of it. That's what, you know what I'm going to do with my kids? Handful, handful of 20s, I'm just going to throw it at them and just go clean it up, take care of it. My daughter comes in, my son comes in. They're like, dad, I got to talk.

24:21 Boom, big handful of 20s, just splat.

24:23 AFI I'll just buy a weed with it.

24:24 Adam It's just going to hit them. It's just going to explode on their face. I'm like, pick it up, clean it up, take care of it. Don't bother daddy anymore. He's got his medicine and that's why she's on the bottle. He's taking his medicine.

24:35 Drew Shaking.

24:36 Adam Yeah, shaking. It's Jim Beamhand, it's shaking. Yeah, I mean, isn't there a certain amount the kids should do that their parents shouldn't know about?

24:46 Drew She's in a community, an active member of a community where she is really going to have some troubling feelings. You might be able to deal with it in a more honest way.

24:52 Adam Forget about her. But you know, it's just this part of life where you have to face everyone. Like if you want to break up with someone, you have to take them out to lunch, you have to look them in the eye, you have to explain to them. If you want to dump your agent or your manager, if somebody needs to break up, it's like, listen, Bert, we need to talk. Should we meet at lunch? Just say it. Just let's do it over the phone and get on with our lives. It's not weird and uncomfortable. You're not sitting there wondering what to order. They know what's going on. You've gotten that a couple of times. I go, Drew, we need to talk. And you're like, about what? About what? And they're like, let's meet over at the Olive Garden on Tuesday about noon. You're always like, just spit it out. Just say it. It's going to be weird. Right?

25:34 Drew You ruined whatever number of hours or days there are between here and now, it's ruined.

25:39 Adam And then look, and it's a chick move too that, you know, either you're at the party with them and they're like, you're like, what's wrong, sweetie? We'll talk. We'll talk after the party. And you're like, you're like, what, what, what's up? What's up? What's up? No, we'll talk it. No, you know what's up. If you don't know what's up, you should know what's up. But I'll tell you what's up after the party. It's like, okay, now it's ruined.

26:00 AFI Well, it efficiently ruins the entire party and then afterward. And it's something you did. Right.

26:04 Adam Dude would never do that. But the dude version of that is, listen, I'm going to need to see you in my office in about four days, twenty two hours. We'll talk then. Just everyone, just spit it out. Say, when you tell the person you want to meet, that's when you spit it out. That's when you break up. That's when you fire them. That's when you do whatever. Right.

26:20 Drew Right.

26:21 Adam Thank you. All right. AFI in studio tonight.

26:24 Drew Hello.

26:24 Adam We're going to draw. I want to talk about I want to talk to the audience about taking a commercial in about eight seconds. Yeah. All right, see, Drew has no idea what we're talking about. We'll take a little commercial break. I need to see in the bathroom. We'll be back.

26:45 Caller Back after this. Hello.

26:48 This is your radio. As many as one in three Americans with HIV don't know it, define a testing location near you. Call toll free 1-866-344-K-N-O-W.

27:17 Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew.

27:20 Adam This is my theme song.

27:22 Drew Jimmy, you are.

27:23 Adam It's a song, all the ladies here, as I slide in the bar, and I'm walking in slow motion, I have a leather jacket slung over my shoulder. Heads, heads are turning, the ladies, only the ladies' heads are turning as I'm making my way past the bar, wearing some smoke shades, my hair's bouncing a little, you know, like when you walk in slow motion. It's a tight shot on the boots, I'm doing that sort of Tony Manero type of walk from Saturday Night Fever and all eyes are on me.

27:52 Drew Then again, this is what's in their minds as they're looking across the room.

28:01 Adam They're not hearing what I hear?

28:02 Drew They're hearing this.

28:05 Caller Oh man, that's why they're looking.

28:13 Oh, they're so brutal, Drew.

28:15 Adam Are you sure they're not hearing what I'm hearing?

28:23 Oh man, that is rough.

28:25 Adam Okay, sorry there, that's enough of that nonsense. AFI is here tonight, Sing the Sorrow, name of the CD. Where is the CD? Are we going to hear it? Oh, it's right here. We're going to hear something off the CD, I think.

28:41 Drew Let's do it this break.

28:42 Adam Yeah, let's do it this break. I don't know what we're going to hear off the CD yet. We can figure that out. But hey Anderson, you got a CD over there?

28:50 Caller I have nothing but that. I know they got like plenty over there because I was over there today and they have a lot.

28:53 Drew We can do it from over here.

28:54 Adam All right, Chris will do it.

28:56 Drew He's got one.

28:57 Adam All right, all right. We're good times. Take a call. Yeah, take a call. Annie? You're 22? What's up?

29:07 Caller Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and about three months ago, we started sleeping together. And I guess you could say it, we started to get kind of old for him because he wanted to know what I thought about anal sex. And I won't be the first to admit, I'm a pretty uptight person. And just jokingly, I said, well, if you let me do you up the butt with, say, my dildo, then I'll let you do me up the butt.

29:37 Drew And-

29:37 Adam You can tell she has delicate sensibilities.

29:39 Drew With a vanishing flower, a wilting flower, yes. Yeah.

29:42 Caller How they picked that up at finishing school.

29:44 Adam Yeah, go ahead.

29:45 Caller It totally blew my mind because he's like, okay. So here he is, like, well, down on all fours, I guess you could say.

29:54 Adam Well, wait a minute, wait a minute.

29:57 Drew Serves himself up for you?

29:59 Caller Yeah.

29:59 Adam No, no, no, bogus, bogus. He doesn't just go, okay, and then immediately dive on all fours.

30:05 Caller Oh, no, no, no, it wasn't like that quick. He was like, well, okay, if you want to. I thought he was like, just, you know.

30:11 Adam No.

30:12 AFI You already had a dildo, you had a strap on on when you were having the conversation?

30:15 Adam She's from Ohio.

30:16 Caller No, it was like in a drawer. And I just sort of pulled it out, trying to see, you know, like how far he was going to take it.

30:24 Drew Set the scene for you. Were you sitting in a restaurant when this conversation came out?

30:28 Caller No, no, no, we were like, we were like, just in our bedroom.

30:33 Drew Without your clothes on?

30:34 Caller Well, we were, you know, in the process of making love, I guess you could say.

30:39 Drew Yeah, and that's when he brought this up. And that's when she went out for the dildo.

30:43 Caller Of course, I'm calling him, I'm sort of calling him gay, and I know that there's anything wrong with that, but.

30:49 Drew At the time when you were penetrating him, you were calling him gay?

30:55 AFI You know that uptight, if you have a dildo in your drawer, I like to say.

30:58 Adam Yeah.

30:59 AFI Most of the time.

30:59 AFI Up your boyfriend's butt.

31:00 Drew You're gay.

31:01 Adam He had a dildo in his drawer, still. At a certain point. Did you actually use the dildo on him?

31:08 Caller Well, that's the next part. So I'm sitting here thinking, okay, this is, you know, mine. I used this.

31:17 Caller Sure.

31:17 Caller And I'm thinking, I don't really want to stick this up in his butt and then go back to doing my business with it. Most of the time I'm at release for the weekend. So I sort of, you know, I'm sitting there thinking and he's like, well, are you going to do it or not? He's sort of laughing at me.

31:35 Caller You know, it's funny.

31:36 Adam She keeps saying sitting here thinking. And I got the feeling that Annie does need to sit down to think like if she was driving or jogging or up on her feet that she would have difficulty with that process.

31:46 AFI Might get fainted.

31:47 Adam Yeah, there are people that it's like, their blood's either in their calves or it's in their brain, man. And they got to sit down if they're going to focus.

31:54 AFI I really like the image of her giving it to him with the dildo and calling him gay though. Can we go back to that? I'm sorry, go on in.

32:00 Adam Annie, are you a big gal?

32:02 Caller No, not really.

32:05 Adam Let's get some dimensions real quickly. How tall are you?

32:08 Caller About five, six, 110 pounds.

32:11 Adam Ooh, that's nice. That's not a big gal.

32:15 Caller I mean, here, I don't want to use it on him, so I grabbed one of his tone dialers and I'm just like, well, I'll just use it.

32:27 AFI That's one of those illegal things that dials a number.

32:29 AFI Oh, a dialer.

32:30 AFI Yeah.

32:30 Drew Oh, a dialer.

32:31 AFI Those are great if you're starting band on tour.

32:33 Drew What are they?

32:33 AFI You put it up to a payphone and it makes the sound of a coin dropping in.

32:39 Drew Oh, so you can make a free call.

32:41 AFI Free, long distance, whatever. But you can't stay there too long or the cops will come. It's just a little black, it's a little black box. You put a little black box up his butt. Yeah.

32:49 AFI I like that name of your song.

32:50 Drew A box?

32:52 AFI Couldn't you find a carrot or something?

32:53 Drew He's building a punch line.

32:56 Adam This sounds completely broken.

32:57 Go ahead and give us the punch line.

32:59 Adam By the way, the only reason you're staying on is because you're a female, because females don't tend to make bogus calls unless guys put them up to it. You know what I mean? It's like females don't rob banks unless Patty Hearst gets kidnapped by the SLA and they force her to rob a bank.

33:13 Drew There's gonna be some punch line here about what came out of his rear.

33:16 Adam All right, go ahead, Andy. Please get to it.

33:17 Caller Well, either that or like, the girl's a complete phone loser and a member of the PLA.

33:23 AFI Ooh, zing.

33:31 Adam Okay, are you giving a plug, Annie? What does PLA mean?

33:33 Caller Oh yeah, shout out to.

33:36 Drew All right, so that's the bogusness came through. She went right into a shout out instead of giving the punch line.

33:41 Adam Well, maybe that was the punch line. But anyway, that was definitely a bogus, definitely bogus call.

33:46 AFI What the hell is a PLA? You called her bluff or whatever, and then the PLA must be some sort of like, we're the phone losers and this is a joke, and we got you. That was pretty funny.

33:59 Adam Well, wait a minute, didn't I just say PLO?

34:03 Drew PLA.

34:04 AFI You said SLA.

34:05 Adam Oh, I said SLA.

34:06 Drew Yeah, that's Patty Hearst.

34:07 Adam Yeah, I'm cool. Wait a minute, the PLO, Palestine Liberation Organization, SLA is the Simeon Liberation Army.

34:15 AFI It's the phone losers something.

34:18 Adam Phone, not for me. All right, well anyway. And listen, let me explain something to ladies. That was a weak bogus call. Now, here's what it is. You know what that is? That's like in the Special Olympics where the guy does a hundred yard dash and it takes him 20 minutes, but everyone's still clapping because he's a retarded guy. If it wasn't a retarded guy, you'd be going, this is the world's slowest guy. That's the world's lamest runner. You would say this, if this was a guy and not a girl and she wasn't from Ohio and didn't seem to, she had a little difficulty with the English language and stuff like that, you'd immediately say this is horrible. This is weak. She should not be proud of this. She's not hold her head up high. We were just sort of bizarrely intrigued at her stupidity.

35:02 AFI Mediocre effort.

35:03 AFI Very mediocre. Subpar.

35:05 Adam Thank you. Give it a five. Give it a five.

35:07 AFI That's generous. That is generous.

35:09 Adam But let's talk about what was wrong with it.

35:11 AFI She said, she said she was conservative.

35:13 Drew No, it was right with it.

35:14 Adam She said she was conservative. And in the next breath, she said she pulled the dildo out of the door, the drawer and shoved it in his ass and he immediately sued all four of them. She moved too fast. She needed to take a couple. Here's what she needed to do.

35:28 Drew She had enough of a build to keep us with her for a while.

35:32 Adam The second she said, she said he was on all fours.

35:35 Drew Yeah, we know it was bogus.

35:36 Adam We all, everyone sort of fell off at that point.

35:38 AFI I like the story. I wanted it to be real.

35:39 Adam I wanted it.

35:40 AFI I mean, I really, me too. I really wanted it to be real.

35:42 AFI I would like to hear a funny voice maybe.

35:44 Adam Oh yeah. What about a crazy accent? Maybe it'll sound like Latke from Taxi or something like that. Yeah. What ever happened to that day? Those days, like some guy, some 14 year old doing a British accent or something. Drew, what happened to that?

35:59 AFI Put some effort into it.

36:01 AFI The dialer, it's a box you guys. It's like this.

36:04 AFI Yeah, moving right along.

36:05 Adam All right, so.

36:06 Drew Let's hear a song.

36:07 Adam Whatever. No, now we don't have time for a song. Oh, damn you.

36:11 Drew Stupid you.

36:12 Adam No, we're going to hear a song. Let's sell one more call.

36:15 Drew All right, take one more call.

36:16 Adam What do you like?

36:17 Drew Bottom, there.

36:18 Adam Bottom here?

36:18 Drew Yeah.

36:18 Adam All right, let's talk to Martha, who's 18. Martha? What's up?

36:24 Well, I have a question about piercings. I want to pierce my nose to start it off, though, but I want to know if there's going to be any scarring or anything if I decide to take it out later.

36:34 Drew What color skin do you have?

36:35 I'm really light.

36:36 Drew Okay, so obviously more dark skinned people tend to form keloids and that's the risk of the deforming scars. And usually the nose piercers are real small.

36:44 Adam They scar easier dark skinned people?

36:45 Drew Yeah, tend to. And they will, they keloid more.

36:48 Adam Really?

36:48 Drew And especially around the face and stuff.

36:50 Adam But just in general, they lose pigment and stuff, right? They scar?

36:53 Drew They can also hyper or hype, they can lose or get more pigment from irritation even, not just scarring.

36:58 Adam God won't give those people a break.

37:00 Drew And then, certainly you won't. And then with the nasal piercing, it's usually a tiny little hole and it closes up like within hours. Usually, usually. So, on little nose piercers.

37:10 AFI A lot of facial piercings close up within an hour. Very quickly.

37:14 Adam Yeah, so if you get something, you got to keep it in, right?

37:17 Drew Right.

37:17 Adam And then you get that weird thing.

37:18 Drew Well, she's worried about the scarring. You get a dot.

37:21 Adam Eventually, it just looks like you had a weird little zit. Weird little high or something.

37:24 AFI Yeah, you get a dot, just like on your lips.

37:26 Adam Yeah, that's cool.

37:28 Drew Good times, huh?

37:28 Adam All right. Here's the problem though. Here's the problem with the nose piercings is, especially if it's just a little subtle thing, like a little stud, people don't notice it the first couple go rounds with you and they think there's something you got, you're eating a donut, there's something on your nose or you got a zit or something. Yeah, my sister had one and you know, they don't give people a heads up. And I was just, you don't want to say anything, but you're not sure what's going on. If you're going to do a nose thing, do something tribal. Do like a Denver boot or something on your nose. I mean, something like orange, something big, like where we definitely like, hey, you got your nose pierced and you're like, haven't gotten out of your car yet. Like that kind of thing. Not where we're two feet from me. I can't figure out what's going on with your face.

38:12 AFI I got this one right here and I used to have a black wall on it. So it looks like there's something stuck on my teeth, but nobody would ever tell me, even though they thought that.

38:18 Adam Thought it was like a brocca flower in between there, right?

38:21 AFI They wouldn't say anything.

38:22 Drew Is your gum pierced?

38:23 AFI It's a little thing that connects your gum and your lip.

38:25 Drew The frenulum up there?

38:26 AFI Yeah, is that what that's called?

38:28 Drew Oh, oh. Piercers are just into just taking out frenulums.

38:31 Adam Yeah, they don't like that. They're no fan of the frenulum.

38:33 Drew Any time where there's a fan of skin, like a web, a basic type, we're putting something through it.

38:38 AFI They call them web piercers. Is that a web? There's a thing below the tongue, a web, too.

38:41 Drew Yeah, but it's also a frenulum, yeah.

38:42 Adam How come you don't get, how come nobody does the between the fingers? Oh, they do?

38:49 AFI It seems disabling, I never understood.

38:52 Adam Thanks for crapping on my points, fellas.

38:54 AFI Sorry there.

38:55 Adam All right, AFI in the studio. I'm gonna give them a little talking to about what we used to call in the improv world, yes and, and not only that, but during the break. And we'll be right back after this.

39:15 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:17 Caller Loveline will be right back.

39:43 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Davey and Jade, both here tonight from AFI. We're gonna hear something off their CD in just a second or so. I think we'll take the call first, take a question for the band. Corey?

40:01 Yeah.

40:02 Adam You're 17?

40:03 Caller Yep.

40:04 Adam What's up?

40:05 Caller All right, first, I'd like to say Adam and Drew, you guys are great. Thanks. And AFI, your music just blows my mind.

40:13 AFI Thank you, thank you very much.

40:16 Caller Yeah, your music is so great.

40:19 AFI Thank you.

40:20 Adam Hey, I got a message from Engineer Anderson, which I-

40:23 Drew Sort of a ambivalent message, isn't it?

40:25 AFI I wasn't sure what he meant.

40:26 Caller Play the song now.

40:30 Drew We heard it, he didn't go over the air.

40:32 Caller Yeah, I don't think it went over the air.

40:35 Adam But it did now because we just said it. Hey, thanks, Corey. The band loves you.

40:43 Drew Thank you, Corey. Sorry, Corey.

40:44 Adam Well, we're going to repay you by playing AFI's song. You queued up there, Anderson? Yes, he is. Oh, we are? Chris, you queued up? This is called The Leaving Song, part two. Yeah. And obviously, the fans love it. They're going nuts. Davey and Jade, both here from the band. There they go again.

44:34 Drew Anderson, why was, what was the hurry to play that song?

44:37 Adam We didn't want to run out of time.

44:38 We have a reason here, believe me.

44:41 Drew What was it?

44:42 Adam Oh, look, Drew, don't get into that, whatever. Anderson's gotta take a duke.

44:47 Caller I'll tell you Saturday, Drew. We'll talk Saturday.

44:49 Adam I'll talk Saturday. All right. Anderson with the scary cryptic messages.

44:54 Drew That's the same color.

44:54 Adam That's very cryptic. By the way, this is that same thing with like, Bert, I'm gonna need to see you in my office. No, not now, not now. What's uncomfortable? Talk to you Saturday. Okay, two days is too much. You'll forget about it. A half hour is too little. Let's call it 19 and a half hours from now. I'm gonna need to see you in my office, all right? Okay, this, by the way, ranks up. Hold on, I'm done. I don't like these a-holes to do this. I don't like people to bring up stuff and then can't talk about it. I just want to sock that person's stomach. Like when they go, yeah, I got a development deal with USA Pig Show. We're working on a, and you go, oh, what do you got cooking? Can't talk about it.

45:35 Caller Shut the F up.

45:36 AFI Kind of like I did with the shelf earlier.

45:38 Adam Yeah, oh no, that's right.

45:40 Caller You brought up the shelf.

45:42 Adam You know what he did with that shelf?

45:43 AFI Punch him in the stomach.

45:44 Adam He took the shelf, dangled it in front of us like yarn to our paws, you know what I mean? Just dangled it in front of us, and then what he did, he took it all away, man. Took it all away.

45:54 Drew Do you guys want to know? You built this world.

45:56 Adam Yeah, I'll tell you later.

46:00 AFI I didn't mean to do that, Adam. It was unintentional.

46:02 AFI It involves poo, you could probably put it together.

46:04 AFI You know what, I'll tell you off the air, I promise.

46:06 Adam I don't mind it when it has to do with poo. I don't like when people get pompous and talk about their projects and they explain. Oh, what's that movie about?

46:17 AFI What's it about poo?

46:17 Adam I can't really tell you about it because you understand.

46:20 Drew They shouldn't have brought up the first place.

46:21 Adam Yeah, A, don't bring it up and B, it's a crappy idea. I'm almost positive it's a horrible idea, your horrible movie or sitcom idea. So what am I going to do? And then C, what's the implication? I'm going to get drunk and start talking at a party. I'm going to take the idea for myself and run with it. Really, that's how I am. I'm just going to take your horrible sitcom idea and then pretend it's mine and go repitch it to the same network you already pitched it to. Son of a bitch. Drew, I'm fired up now. I've had an ass full of this business. AFI in studio tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

46:53 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

46:54 Caller Looking to hook up, call the Dateline.

46:56 AFI Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

46:58 Adam Call the Dateline.

46:59 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. One, eight, seven, seven, eight, eight, nine. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

47:32 Caller Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Drew, you know I'll do it, right? I'll do it, I'll do it, don't make me do it. Drew, Drew, you've never seen me actually drop, drop before, but you heard me talk about 75,000 times, right? And you know I'm just crazy enough to do it this time, right, buddy? I swear I will drop, drop.

48:04 Drew He's crazy, man.

48:04 Caller I can drop, drop, I'll drop, drop. I'm gonna drop, drop, I might drop, drop. Gonna kill myself, then drop, drop. Yeah, Davey, Jade both here, AFI. Now, boy, I tell you, these guys rock. Tell you what, right now, tell you what, I don't know anything about the band, but I know they rock, man. Tell you what, I know a lot about the band. Trying to pretend like I know about the band. I know about the band. Tell you these guys are great, man. Great personal friends. They rock. Don't make me drop, drop. I swear I will drop, drop. Drew, tell him I'll drop, drop. I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. I'll drop, drop.

48:34 Drew Don't tell him.

48:34 Caller I'll drop, drop, I'll drop, drop. I don't make me drop, drop.

48:37 AFI The Ace Rockolla?

48:38 Caller Yeah, we'll just do it.

48:39 Adam There's a little morning radio there for you.

48:44 Caller I'm out of control man.

48:45 Drew The CD stopped and the guy...

48:47 AFI The guy...

48:47 Drew He realized he was sitting right there.

48:49 Caller You were listening to what?

48:51 Drew Another radio station.

48:52 Adam True. You can't listen to other radio stations.

48:55 Caller I'll drop drop.

48:58 Drew But he comes out and goes, I'm like, well that's seven minutes for something.

49:02 Caller I had to get another time.

49:03 Drew He starts giving time and like, somebody trains them to do that stuff.

49:07 Adam Yeah, radio guys, here's what they tell you. They tell you in those morning zoo lectures they do around the country. It's like, look, if you ever run out of something to say, just give the time out. And if you need to buy more time, you do the time math extrapolation where you go, it's 7.45, that's 15 away from the top of the hour. It's like, hold on, what's this crazy man talking about? Hold on, is he saying 15 away from nine at 7.45? Oh no, wait a minute, 15 away. Really? Obviously you're buying time when you're doing math. When you're doing the math, 72 degrees in Hollywood, that's 28 degrees from 100 degrees.

49:49 Caller That's 48 degrees from 140 degrees. That's 100.

49:54 Adam The surface of the sun is 7 million degrees. It's 78, that's 5,600,228 away from the temperature of the sun. Yeah, when you're buying math, when you're doing that, it's your buying time. It's like when people say, you know, they do that thing where they go, I would like to ask a question and the question is the following. And then they say the question. That's time for them to think. That's what they're doing right now. That's what they do with the weather all the time. They do that with the time. They keep busting in with the time and they do it, the traffic's that way. Traffic's that way too. Okay, but Drew, that's radio, buddy.

50:35 Drew I guess so.

50:35 Adam You gotta waste it.

50:36 Drew I just didn't know that.

50:37 Adam You gotta stretch, you gotta stretch. Really doing the math on the time. That's a radio thing, like as if 745 unclear. Hey, 740, like you ever ask a guy on the street, hey, what time you got, buddy? And he goes, 530.

50:53 Caller And then he goes, that's 30 minutes away from, no, no, 530 does it. You're good, right?

50:58 Adam Are we good?

50:59 Drew Good.

50:59 Caller You're perfect.

51:00 Adam Perfect. You know, 532, do you still know what time it is?

51:04 Drew Oh, yes I do, yes I do.

51:06 Adam You don't need to know it's 28 from six?

51:09 Caller Okay, or the top of the hour?

51:11 Adam Okay, fantastic.

51:36 AFI Alright, thank you.

51:38 Adam Yeah, that was my strip club DJ.

51:40 AFI That was an assault.

51:41 AFI That was a full attack.

51:43 Adam I would love to go to a strip club that was just DJ-less, you know what I mean? That would be my whole thing, like my whole thing, I'm gonna open a strip club, and here's what it's gonna say, it's gonna go, the chicks are fat, but no DJ. You get to actually sit there like a human being without the Carnival Barker air traffic controller behind you screaming out to who to get on what stage and how fellas we need your money, and the business man's, like you could actually just sit there and enjoy your boner. All right. Where is we? Yes, that'll help. You know, I'm so Pavlovian that if that song even comes on the radio, I'm driving.

52:22 Caller It's a blah, blah.

52:25 Drew Yersinia?

52:26 Adam Yersinia? Yersinia, you're 15?

52:31 Caller Yes.

52:32 Adam What's up?

52:33 Caller Well, I just want to say hi to AFI, I love you guys.

52:38 Caller I think your lyrics are really beautiful in your songs.

52:41 Adam Thank you very much.

52:46 Caller Um, yes. I wanted to get a piercing on my tongue, but my mom won't let me, but she'll let me get a tattoo.

52:52 And I don't want a tattoo, I want a piercing.

52:56 Caller So how do I convince her?

52:58 AFI Get a tattoo of a piercing on your tongue. On your tongue. Yeah.

53:00 AFI That's the obvious answer. Don't get a tattoo.

53:03 Caller Yeah, I don't want a tattoo.

53:04 Drew What's she got a tattoo in the inner lip or something? Oh yeah. Hardcore.

53:07 Adam Yeah, like cattle do that. Lots of people do that with bullmine.

53:09 AFI Lots of people have that. But you could get a little tattoo of a little like ball on your tongue.

53:12 Adam Yeah.

53:12 AFI Ah, the light. Maybe two dimensional.

53:14 AFI I don't understand that.

53:15 Adam What?

53:16 AFI A tattoo is so much harder to get rid of than a piercing, especially an oral piercing, especially.

53:21 Caller I think maybe she knows that I don't want a tattoo and that I won't get it for sure.

53:24 Adam Yeah, I suspect that's the strategy she's playing.

53:27 AFI Sounds very nice.

53:28 AFI It's a little thing called...

53:30 Caller Can I just get it? Like, I don't know, behind her back, and then they'll break down with it.

53:35 Adam Let me ask this, is your dad not around?

53:38 Caller No, nobody's around.

53:39 Drew No, I mean, in your life.

53:43 Caller Yeah, he's here.

53:43 Adam He is?

53:45 Caller Yeah.

53:45 Adam How come he doesn't, does he figure into this decision?

53:48 Caller He says it's okay, but my mom says no, so.

53:51 Drew Your dad says it's okay. Do you have older sisters?

53:54 Caller No.

53:54 Drew So somebody broken your dad in or down, as it were?

53:59 Adam What does your dad do?

54:00 Caller He's a construction worker.

54:01 Adam Oh, so he's drunk. He doesn't know your daughter's trying to be, hey, you're high. Yeah, I think.

54:10 Drew Piers is your high.

54:12 Adam Oh yeah, hello, you sweetness. Come here. What are you doing in my living room? I don't want to answer, just come in. Yes. Yeah, that's construction.

54:22 Drew He does that?

54:26 Adam Your dad's not into you, is he?

54:28 Caller I don't know, no. No.

54:32 Adam No, but you don't, does he drink?

54:34 Caller No, he doesn't, no drinking at all.

54:37 AFI No drinking. Yeah, he smokes pot.

54:40 Adam He smokes weed?

54:41 Caller No.

54:41 Adam What's he do? Is he a good guy, you love him?

54:47 Caller I do, but no, nevermind, yeah, I love him. But what?

54:52 Drew But what?

54:52 Adam What'd he do?

54:54 Caller Well, he molested me when I was younger.

54:57 Caller Well, we did.

54:58 Adam Oh, sorry for that unfortunate scenario.

55:00 Caller And I have another question.

55:02 Adam Oh, wait a second, wait a second. How old were you?

55:05 Caller I was, I think, 11.

55:10 Drew And he wasn't drunk when he did it? And he wasn't drunk? Have you reported this?

55:19 Adam He has stopped though, right? I get, you know what? I know this is gonna sound like cruel, but this is why it's okay. Cause it's like, when you, when you F your daughter when she's 11, and now she's 15 and wants to, wants to borrow a car, get the tattoo or whatever, like you gotta go like, eh, yeah, go ahead. Cause your worst, your worst nightmare is sort of just piping up, right? You just like anything, be quiet, don't talk. Yeah, go ahead and do what you need to do. I'm cool, we're cool.

55:46 Caller Where's my bourbon?

55:47 Adam Oh, what a, what a horrible, horrible individual.

55:51 Caller I have to go.

55:52 Adam Oh, did your mom find out about this?

55:55 Caller My phone's dying.

55:56 Adam Did your mom, did your mom know what your dad did to you? I don't tell her.

56:02 Drew Tell her, please.

56:03 Caller Please tell her. I don't wanna cause any problems anymore.

56:07 Adam You're causing enough trouble with the, with the piercings and the tats. Just tell her about this or get some help. Would you please talk to some counselors or something?

56:15 Drew Talk to some in school, right? All right.

56:17 Adam Please do. Please. Okay. Trust us. Okay. I, you know, there's a fair amount of people that call this show that if they haven't been molested by their dad.

56:32 Drew I was gonna say, somebody who calls this show who hasn't been molested by their dad.

56:35 Adam Well, there's that one guy.

56:37 Drew Yeah, you're right.

56:38 Adam That was the first year I was here.

56:39 Drew Yeah, you're right. You're right.

56:40 Adam He dialed the wrong number. No, there's a fair amount of people, women, that call this show that either they were molested or I think if you asked them, do you think your dad would have a go at you if he had a couple of beers, they'd be like, eh, probably might make a move. Or stepdad. It's like, really, this is a, like, this is the kind of thing where if I came from another planet and I just landed here and he said like, do you think anyone in entire history has ever screwed their own daughter? I'd be like, I don't know, maybe it's happened once. I couldn't imagine that this would ever go on. Like, what, like, could there be anything further from your mind as an individual, as a human being that was even remotely put together? You know what I mean? I mean, it wasn't complete. If you didn't think you were Napoleon. You know what I'm saying? And Drew, quit pounding. What's going on? Stop, leave Lauren alone. I was right in the middle of a rant there. I just can't believe that it's as prevalent as it is.

57:44 AFI Who are these people?

57:45 Drew Here's the thing though. Back in the day when say Freud stumbled upon all this, he thought it was all fantasy. He couldn't believe that it happened. He assumed it was something people were making up and just having some sort of fantasy because it was incomprehensible.

57:58 Adam Oh really?

58:00 Drew And then when that happens to enough people, about 60% of those people will abuse multiple other children. And so now it has growth built into it, right? It's an exponentially growing problem. And then we come into a culture that goes, hey, if somebody's like sex, they're just a horny whatever. And no one goes, it's an acting out behavior.

58:19 Adam There's all the shame part and people not wanting to turn in and talk.

58:23 Drew Yeah, I understand that. But the problem is we reinforce the acting out that comes from this, which is, somebody sees a girl who's sexually provocative, they go, she likes sex so much as I do, she just wants it the way I do, right? And they take advantage and exploit. She remains a victim, and they go on to the next one.

58:40 Adam But we got a radio show out of it, so don't complain. Felicia? You're 16? What's up?

58:48 Caller Well, okay. I have this crush on this gothic guy, like in my first grade class, he's a total goth. I just dress like, kind of like whatever, but like, I don't know how to approach him, cause I have this crush on him, cause I guess the way he looks, it's like kind of sexy. And I just wanted to know how I would go up to him, just out of nowhere, like just go up to him.

59:12 AFI Just talk to him. He's probably afraid of girls.

59:15 Adam Would you be into him if he wasn't a goth guy?

59:17 Caller I don't think so. Cause a lot of people don't think like, he looks all that good, but I think that's totally sexy.

59:24 Adam I know, but what I'm saying is, It's just the attire, it's just the make up.

59:29 Caller I don't really know him, but I want him to know.

59:30 Drew So anybody could dress up like that, and that would be attractive to you. How are you around Halloween?

59:36 AFI You need to get your goth thing going, like get a top hat made out of mesh, because the bat's flying around inside of it.

59:42 Caller Like I'm totally into that, but I don't dress like it.

59:46 Adam Well, he probably needs some, that's a cool look.

59:49 AFI Yeah, she's already into it.

59:50 Adam Pats in the belt.

59:51 AFI Wait, is he so common?

59:52 AFI Is he cute though? I mean, like, what if you took off the eyeliner and the white face?

1:00:00 Adam So I've been burned a few times.

1:00:01 AFI This is weird. It's a different day.

1:00:02 Adam Take the lad home, he takes off the black duster, the eyeliner, and everything comes on. It's a mess. It's a mess. He's wearing a trust system that's holding him together. All right, we'll go talk to him tomorrow.

1:00:16 Caller Well, I don't have it all. But how?

1:00:20 Adam All right, let's do it. Let's do a little-

1:00:21 AFI I'll give you a hint. Go up to him and say Sisters of Mercy. Yeah. It'll be great. Just say that to him. No problem. And if he doesn't respond, then you don't want to talk to him anyway. It's a poser.

1:00:29 Adam All right. Do you got that, Felicia?

1:00:33 AFI That's right.

1:00:34 Drew And the top hat.

1:00:35 AFI Yeah, but be sure to be wearing the top hat with the bats in it.

1:00:39 Adam Just go talk to him. Give him the Sisters of Mercy thing. What is that?

1:00:42 Drew He's dressed like that just to attract people like her. So he'll be delighted. Right.

1:00:45 AFI It's an event. To attract people like her?

1:00:47 Drew Well, somebody. And she's the one that's that somebody.

1:00:50 Adam It's working.

1:00:51 AFI That's good.

1:00:51 AFI She says she's a square though. And he's like this cool guy.

1:00:57 Adam Joel? Yeah.

1:00:59 Caller So there's a fly that's native to-

1:01:03 Adam All right, hold on, hold on a second. You're 24 years old.

1:01:06 AFI Cliff Clavin.

1:01:07 Adam Why did you call the show Cliff?

1:01:12 Caller So there's a fly that's native to Northern Mexico.

1:01:14 AFI Right.

1:01:15 Caller When ingested, this fly acts as a blood thinner. And there's an old wise tale that if your husband has erectile difficulties, you can put this fly in his food so it's as thin as blood and aid his erection. And this old wise tale made it to America and this is what we call Spanish fly.

1:01:37 Adam I see. And do you have the answers to any other riddles we haven't tried to get to the bottom of tonight?

1:01:44 Caller Yeah.

1:01:44 Adam What else?

1:01:46 Caller Next time we're in a bookstore, pick up a book on dating for idiots.

1:01:50 Drew Called Cracked. Called Cracked. That's true, that's my book called Cracked.

1:01:54 Caller Good work, good luck.

1:01:55 Adam But wait a second.

1:01:56 Caller On foods that cause fly joints.

1:01:59 Adam Are we talking about Spanish fly?

1:02:01 Drew I don't know where you came from with this.

1:02:04 Caller I'm on a day back. And these are just things.

1:02:31 Adam I just love when the guy does a little business in between the announcing, you know, when he's like, he has to get the chicks over to where they need to be. Like, once I'll be right in the middle of his thing, and then he'll be like, Darlene, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And then he goes right back into the thing. Let me tell you what I think is an offense. I was talking to some guys that work today about New York. They got these weird, like, little peep shows and stuff like that. They've cleaned it up a little bit, but you got to look around a little. You got nowhere to go. But, you know, in the back of the peep show, like, the thing slides open, the chicks, that's also where they keep their personal stuff. I saw a collapsible stroller and a box of tampons back there a couple of years ago. And I thought, this is against the Geneva Convention. Listen, ladies. Not good for the fantasy. Yeah, and you know what I like to do? You know how they have, oh, this is my dream job. I just came up with a great idea. There's people that walk around. They're professional shoppers. They're testers, you know, there's businesses. This is a job. Here's a job. I mean, I'm not making this one up, but the next one I'm going to make up, which is I go to your business, I go to your restaurant, I go to your supermarket, I pose as a customer, and then I tell you how the service was, were people helpful, could we find the product, so on and so forth. This is a, people do this. I think they call them like professional shoppers or professional whatevers. I would like to do this for strip clubs. I would go in and be like, yeah, Darlene, start telling me about her old man who beat her about a minute and a half into the Van Halen song. That's a no-no right there. So you may want to talk to her about that. Also, I ask the question, because they do this all the time, like you talk to these strippers, you're like, so what do you do during the day? Just tan yourself? And they go, I got three kids, so I look after them. And you're like, okay, see that? I would report them. I should go to strip clubs and just, you know, report back. Yeah, I saw the tampon box in the back of the, I saw the collapsing stroller. She talked about her kids and her old man. I went to a strip club with David Alan Greer. His stripper told him that she was stabbed 27 times by her old man. And it's like, you feel bad for her, but it's killing the wood. I mean, it's stabbed 27 times. That was him. Yeah, I would just, this would be a good gig for me, right? Going from club to club.

1:05:02 Drew Yeah. Yeah, it'd be right up your alley.

1:05:05 Adam Yeah.

1:05:05 Drew Yeah, but just what you love it. It's like how loving your work.

1:05:08 Adam And then reporting, here's what you need to do. Here's what we could improve upon. You know, here's some faux pas. You guys talked about your kids. You actually, you became human beings. That was a mistake. You know what I'm saying?

1:05:21 Drew Yeah.

1:05:22 Adam All right. All right, Drew.

1:05:24 Drew I'm just thinking about the work for the state run workforce sort of organizations wherever they check up on the safety of the workforce and all that.

1:05:31 Adam Oh, like OSHA?

1:05:32 Drew OSHA.

1:05:32 Adam I call this JIZZA.

1:05:33 Drew JIZZA, something like that.

1:05:35 Adam All right, here we go. Speak to Crystal. Yes. What Anderson screaming in the mic that time? Anderson?

1:05:45 Drew I'm sorry, I was just telling you to give it the rules while I play this song.

1:05:48 Adam It'd be good.

1:05:48 Drew It'd be funny. But we're live, so nevermind.

1:05:51 Adam The rules.

1:05:51 Caller The rules you came up with.

1:05:53 Adam I don't know what the rules I came up with.

1:05:55 Caller You came up with a bunch of rules just now.

1:05:56 Drew Really? For what, for going to strip clubs?

1:05:59 Caller Right, it would've been funny.

1:06:01 Adam We missed it, sorry.

1:06:02 Caller We're on live.

1:06:03 Adam Window is slammed shut and closed locked on. Been painted. You understand?

1:06:08 Caller Crystal?

1:06:11 Drew 18, what's up?

1:06:12 Adam You're 18, what's up?

1:06:13 Caller I just wanted to see if it's possible to get pregnant when you're on your period.

1:06:17 Drew It's possible, yes. Obviously, it's not a problem.

1:06:22 Adam Quite a bit less likely, yes?

1:06:24 Drew Yeah, but... Technically possible? Hard to tell. I mean, you may have some mid-cycle bleeding. You may not even be having your period.

1:06:30 AFI But if in you're having your period, isn't it sort of mathematically impossible by virtue of the fact it's a period?

1:06:36 Drew It's not, because there can be things released at different times and things, so it's possible.

1:06:40 Adam Yeah, I don't chance it. I just go down on my ladies when they're on the rake.

1:06:45 Drew Totally right.

1:06:46 Adam Yeah.

1:06:48 Drew You're hard-core, dude.

1:06:50 Adam I'm into it, man. I dig the essence. Hey, Crystal. It's natural, dude. Crystal? So your boyfriend, does he have a, you guys have a lot of sex when you're on your period?

1:07:04 Caller No, no, I was just asking. I didn't know if it was possible or not.

1:07:08 Drew Still, don't consider it a means of preventing pregnancy. Just don't. Keep that morning after pill around and use a condom, okay? Or get on the pill.

1:07:17 Adam All right. Let's have an interesting question from, what do you say?

1:07:22 Caller I wanna know how the whole anal asshole besides the Mason Joe joke started.

1:07:26 Drew We haven't had it in a while, actually.

1:07:28 Adam Yeah.

1:07:29 Drew I'm surprised you brought it up now.

1:07:31 Adam Yeah, now here's the deal. The punchline for this bogus call would be, sorry, baby doll.

1:07:39 Drew No, that was it.

1:07:40 Adam Okay.

1:07:40 Drew Not wanting us to give it out so we don't get deluged with calls. Go ahead and give it out.

1:07:44 Adam It's very feminine, by the way, Anderson just left.

1:07:47 Drew That wasn't him, it was a drop.

1:07:48 Adam Oh, because it sounded like a queef.

1:07:50 Drew Do it again.

1:07:52 Adam That was Anderson doing a drop of a chick shushin.

1:07:56 Drew Yes.

1:07:58 Adam Red Wing. Could have been Wednesday.

1:08:00 Drew I knew it was one of his drops.

1:08:02 Adam Oh, boy. So that Anderson, he's a riddle that you're not interested in solving. It's really what it is. It's like, it's really- It's like when you're sitting at the dentist office and you flip over a magazine and you see something and you go- Whatever. You see it and you look at it and you go, eh, all right, just stare at the ceiling. Guy called, how many years ago, Drew?

1:08:23 Drew Probably five years ago.

1:08:24 Adam Maybe more. What? Is it more like-

1:08:27 Caller You guys make my night very, very hilarious.

1:08:32 Adam Is that another drop?

1:08:33 Drew I know, that's her. But listen, just listen to the story. I'm just gonna tell you where it came from, right?

1:08:37 Adam I'm gonna put you on hold for a second. Did the night, did it just take a, did it veer toward the surreal just about eight minutes ago?

1:08:46 Drew It was like a missile that got off trajectory and went right into the ocean.

1:08:50 Adam Into the ocean? Or into the Twilight Zone.

1:08:54 Caller Yeah, like it's a little bizarre.

1:08:55 Adam Like everything was going smoothly for a while.

1:08:57 AFI I can't believe it was a Twilight Zone drop.

1:08:59 Adam Someone's strange. Okay, anyway, here's a point. Many years ago, I think it was about six or seven years ago, somebody called, now this was a fat guy who wore a hockey jersey who I saw when I was in Arizona doing some kind of radio thing. Right. He called up, he did a bogus call, and at the end of all his bogus calls, he would end with the punchline, she had an asshole the size of a mason jar. That's how it would end.

1:09:25 Drew And he said, I actually ended up talking to him some years later. He called in and was actually, had a real question. He was kind of a screwball car salesman.

1:09:34 Adam Right.

1:09:35 Drew And he felt guilty, and he told the whole story about how the asshole the size of the mason jar was something apparently you had said.

1:09:41 Adam Yes.

1:09:42 Drew And he thought it was so funny, he picked up on it and kept going with it.

1:09:45 Adam I knew it was witty and clever. I just didn't know what I said.

1:09:47 Drew But then people didn't realize that it was one guy doing it. They thought it was some sort of international, again, Geneva Convention code for bogus call.

1:09:55 Adam And then other people picked it up and ran with it too. Yeah, okay.

1:09:59 AFI So it's on again.

1:10:00 Drew So everyone was ending their bogus calls with this punch line.

1:10:03 AFI As they will be starting now.

1:10:06 Adam But look, I've said it many times, many times, we leave at 12. I don't care if they're all bogus calls between 10 and 12. This song's them out by 12. Now, if someone makes a rule that says you have to take 10 legitimate calls a night, then I'll go insane. But they could all be bogus. It's fine with me, right?

1:10:23 Drew I know that's true.

1:10:25 Adam Yeah, it's like, I feel like if I'm a cop and there's no crime and I don't hand out any tickets and I don't get anything done during the beat that I'm on, then so be it, I just go home. I don't pout, right, Drew? I pout, okay. AFI in studio tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:10:50 Caller Loveline is brought to you by Trojan, America's number one condom.

1:10:53 Caller The most trusted for over 80 years.

1:11:01 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, Davey and Jade, both here from AFI. Dear, dear friends, AFI. In studio tonight, Drew was just talking during the break. We're gonna do a new season of Crank Anchors, by the way, on Comedy Central. Started two days ago. I didn't say a word.

1:11:22 Caller I wanna go to Hawaii, yay, yay!

1:11:27 Adam You know, here's what a horrible pimp I am. We're on Sunday night, Monday night and Tuesday night when Crank Anchors is on at 10 o'clock. It's the premiere. It's the second season or the third season or however they work it on an executive producer's show. I was in the first episode, didn't mention a word about it, thought about it. Never said a word about it all three nights. Too busy complaining about parking tickets and dropping trowel. But Drew was just talking during the break about wanting to do some more crank yanker calls and the guys were sitting here from AFI, I think listening with half a ear, probably wondering what Drew was talking about. And I just thought this would be a good time to hear with the new season of crank yankers going on. It would be a good time to hear Drew's crank call where he hipped it up for the kids.

1:12:18 AFI You did a crank call?

1:12:19 Adam Well, yeah, me and Drew did one as Adam and Drew from Loveline, but we put a little different spin on it. We told this kid that we're calling him and we're putting a tape together because we're trying to get the show back on MTV. But MTV told Drew, he had to be a little more urban, a little more with it in order to get on TV. So Drew got a little, he skewed a little younger and a little more urban during this call.

1:12:46 AFI That's your show, crank yankers?

1:12:47 Caller Yep.

1:12:48 AFI That's a great show.

1:12:49 Caller Oh, thank you.

1:12:50 Adam You have it?

1:12:50 Drew I have to leave the room, I can't listen to this.

1:12:52 Adam Drew can't listen, it's too humiliating.

1:12:53 Drew, just sit there like a man, come on.

1:12:55 Adam All right, let's hear it. Is Bo in? Bo, this is Adam Carolla. You know the show, Loveline, right?

1:13:11 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:13:12 Adam Yeah, good. Are you in a room that's quiet, where we can talk a little bit?

1:13:17 Caller Why don't you wear a jack off?

1:13:19 Adam Yeah, go-

1:13:20 Drew Go wear a jack off.

1:13:21 Adam Yeah, go wear a jack off.

1:13:22 Caller All right.

1:13:24 Drew All right, we're in the barn. That's good.

1:13:26 Adam So, Bo, what we're doing here is we're putting together a tape for MTV because we're trying to get the show back on the air.

1:13:34 Caller Oh, hell yeah, man.

1:13:35 Adam And we're gonna have Drew kind of hip it up a little, be a little more urban, okay?

1:13:39 Dr. Drew in the hizzy.

1:13:42 Adam All right, so let's just take it like a regular Loveline call and we'll just start at the beginning. Bo, 18, you're on Loveline. What's your problem?

1:13:50 Caller Well, the problem is I have no sex life.

1:13:53 Drew But why don't you got no play, playa? I don't know. So you ain't hitting the skins? Motherfucker.

1:14:00 Caller Mm-hmm.

1:14:01 Drew You undoubtedly are looking to get the throbbing guzzle. You see what I'm saying? In the meantime, you're sitting in the hizzy by yourself, thinking about a little Palooza action. In the meantime, your dong ain't doing shit. Hey, look, we heard when the call picked up, you got those shorties running around there. You got to get out there and get your bitch spunk drunk. You feeling me? You're church, you feeling me? If you had a hizzy, you'd be out of the house. House. I'm telling you, nigga, that it would put you into the mode where you would have no problem to get that freaky shit going. 24-7 Flow and Seaman here in your house. In your hizzy, for chizzy.

1:14:37 Caller Go with the flow, don't talk about it.

1:14:40 Drew So I didn't have to use all that freak who tore up the ass, Ariel, a Palooza, a Muffio, Tang, Throbbing, and Guzzle Crap in the ass, right? Look, mother, I'm telling you, don't be a player hater. Cause when you tap her in the ass, you ain't gonna be interested in pistol rubbing no more. And the digit is Dizzle. And in the hizzy, for chizzy, you're gonna be great on the QT for real.

1:15:08 AFI We wrote it all down on these Marks a lot boards and held it in front of a reporting.

1:15:16 Adam Oh yeah.

1:15:17 Caller Nice doctor.

1:15:18 Adam He can read.

1:15:19 Caller Oh man.

1:15:20 Adam That's good times.

1:15:21 Caller No doggy doggy.

1:15:22 Caller Dr. Drew was at your door.

1:15:25 Caller All right.

1:15:27 Drew Let's talk to that character again.

1:15:29 Adam Drew, you come up with a good idea. We'll get you back on this season. Listen, you wanted to do Crank Calls last season. And I came up with all the ideas. Now, you come up with a good one and we'll do it.

1:15:41 AFI Call up like hip hop stations and pretend to be like a white rapper. Trying to like get them to play your demo type.

1:15:47 Drew So I'll leave me behind, just become white guy being rapper too.

1:15:53 Adam I think you've got to be Dr. Drew in the, in the hissy.

1:15:56 Drew But why don't you got no play, player?

1:15:58 Adam Cynthia? If you had a hissy, you could have a house. Cynthia?

1:16:09 Caller Yeah.

1:16:10 Adam What's up?

1:16:11 Caller OK, first off, I have to say, Adam, you're the sexiest person I've ever seen.

1:16:14 Caller That's true.

1:16:15 Caller And I love AFI. You're the guys that inspired me to actually start a band and everything like that. So I love you guys. You guys are coming to Fresno next Wednesday, so I'm definitely going to be there. Cool. We try to have sex. And I want to know if it's physically impossible not to have intercourse. And I think it's all because of me.

1:16:41 Adam You're saying it is physically, you guys couldn't have intercourse.

1:16:45 Caller No, like, we try, and like, he barely puts his head in, and it really hurts.

1:16:51 Drew Right, well, that happens sometimes, either because of agnismus or because of anxiety.

1:16:56 Adam When we say his head, you're talking about the end of his penis, right? Okay, otherwise, yeah.

1:17:03 Drew If you've known that enough, that might hurt.

1:17:07 Caller We've done it, we've tried, like, we've been trying at least, like, maybe four times a week for the past two months, and it doesn't seem to ease up or anything.

1:17:16 Adam God bless you for having that kind of dog determination. Four times a week for two months and no sale?

1:17:25 Drew How about the guy?

1:17:26 Adam Oof. And, okay, so, well, let's ask, Drew, ask the regular questions.

1:17:37 Drew Have you had a pelvic exam recently?

1:17:39 Caller Yes.

1:17:39 Drew And do you still have a hymen? Do you still have a hymen?

1:17:44 Caller I believe I do.

1:17:45 Drew Okay, maybe this is a difficulty.

1:17:47 Caller He's the first person I've ever been intimate with.

1:17:49 Drew Yeah, but you've had pelvic exams? Yes. Yeah. And did they tell you?

1:17:55 Caller They still say that I'm a virgin.

1:17:58 Drew Okay. Maybe there's a difficulty rupturing the hymen. That's something that can happen sometimes.

1:18:03 Caller That's what I'm wondering because I think it might be because of my size.

1:18:08 Drew Well, there's anatomic problems sometimes.

1:18:12 Adam You see a big boy?

1:18:12 Caller Honestly, but he's really skinny and it really doesn't look like it.

1:18:20 Drew And then most common, more common.

1:18:23 Adam That's nice. You mean it's skinny or he's skinny? He's extremely thin but got a big sternal log between his legs, right?

1:18:33 Drew Yes. You usually say honkers.

1:18:35 Adam That's nice. See, it's a relative thing.

1:18:38 Drew Yeah, I see.

1:18:40 Adam See, I'm a little hippie and it kind of... Well, anyway, that's not good. Maybe the hymen's there.

1:18:49 Drew Well, finally then, were you sexually abused or is there a reason you'd be having sort of a physical reaction to this? Yeah.

1:18:56 Adam You have been sexually abused.

1:18:57 Drew That's the more common thing.

1:18:58 Adam All right, that's what it is.

1:19:00 Drew When we get pelvic pain and vaginal pain, when you've been sexually abused.

1:19:04 Adam What happened? Who sexually abused you? Grandfather. Is he dead?

1:19:12 Caller Oh, yes.

1:19:13 Adam Oh, he is?

1:19:14 Caller Yes.

1:19:14 Adam Oh, that's great.

1:19:15 Caller Yeah.

1:19:16 Adam What happened?

1:19:18 Caller Well, he's from Mexico and he came up to visit and it was the first time ever meeting him and that happened. The police had come to him and he was already dead.

1:19:27 Adam I didn't know he was from another culture. We can't judge. We cannot judge. There's only different. There's, it's not better. It's not worse. Just different. We can't judge. I thought he was, I thought he was an American guy. Yeah. If he's from Mexico, we can't judge. That's a, that's a country that's rich in tradition, Drew. Rich in tradition. You don't know.

1:19:47 Drew All cultures are the same.

1:19:49 Caller How dare you?

1:19:49 Adam They're all the same. We cannot judge. All right. So, but he died, right?

1:19:53 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:19:54 Adam What happened?

1:19:56 Caller I believe he had a heart attack about a year ago.

1:19:59 Adam That's too bad. I wish it was something worse than that. Okay. So have you got any therapy for this?

1:20:08 Caller I've been in therapy ever since I was seven.

1:20:10 Adam Really? That's why you don't sound, you don't sound whacked out. Your parents were aware of this?

1:20:20 AFI Wow.

1:20:20 Adam Holy crap. I'm going to kill myself. So, did, so your parents knew, but they found out what happened and they got you some help?

1:20:30 Caller They're divorced. And so my dad didn't find out about it until I was at least 14 years old.

1:20:36 Adam And whose was this? Your mother's father?

1:20:40 Caller No, it was my mom's grandfather. It was my great grandfather.

1:20:44 Caller Oh, my God.

1:20:46 Adam Great grandfather. But in Mexico, and again, we can't we can't judge, but we can't judge. We just can't judge. It was it was his late thirties at the time, right?

1:20:59 Caller No, I believe he was about 60.

1:21:02 Adam About 60. He was still a great grandfather.

1:21:07 Caller Yeah.

1:21:08 Adam Okay. So, okay. Well, anyway, mom's side or dad's side? Mom's side. All right. So I'm sure something heinous happened to her at some point, too.

1:21:23 Caller She's she's a whack job.

1:21:24 Adam Yeah.

1:21:25 Drew Because of course.

1:21:26 Adam Because she grew up.

1:21:27 Caller You want me to go to the AFI concert. So I mean, come on.

1:21:30 Caller Well, now that's criminal.

1:21:32 Adam Now, now she needs to be like that. She did.

1:21:34 Caller Come on. Yeah.

1:21:34 Adam She needed counseling a few seconds ago. Now she needs to be put in a straight jacket and actually physically taken off the streets. So, Cynthia, this is a from your great grandfather. I don't know that your great grandfather is like a historical like Abe Lincoln molesting you or something historical figure molesting you. It's not as bad. I mean, well, it's not I mean, look, if here's the thing. If you're dead, if your dad molest you, that's that's worse. I mean, that's the worst thing going to happen.

1:22:06 Drew Yes.

1:22:07 Adam And then grandpa's a good is bad, but not quite as bad as dad. Right.

1:22:11 Drew Great grandfather is like neighbor.

1:22:13 Adam Great grandfather. Yeah. That starts to slide. It starts to slide out of the family at a certain point.

1:22:18 AFI Oh, old creepy.

1:22:20 Adam How f'd up do you got to be to have a I mean, as a great grandfather, have a go with your six or seven year old.

1:22:27 AFI Oh, what's going on there, Drew?

1:22:30 Drew To make people do that?

1:22:30 AFI Yeah.

1:22:31 Drew They were sexually abused themselves. It changes the wiring in the brain. It makes things attractive that shouldn't be.

1:22:37 Adam Hey, but good times. And again, again, whether it's a genital mutilation going on in the Middle East or parts of Africa or the rampant sexual molestation is going on in the Mexican culture, we cannot judge. We can't judge. We cannot judge. Everything is the same. The same.

1:23:01 Drew All beautiful. It's all God's children.

1:23:03 Adam They're rice based, cinnamon flavored beverages. Just as good. Just as good as a Coke. We cannot judge. Middle East with their yogurt based beverages. Again, just as good as a Sprite. Cannot judge. We cannot. You understand? Everything's the same. Got it? Got it. Everything. We're going to take a quick break. AFI is here and we'll be right back.

1:23:30 Caller Hello. Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:23:54 Adam There, buddy, Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number. Ah, forget about that phone number. Davey and Jade, both here from AFI. Sing the Sorrow, name of the CD. We should play our second song. I know we're late, but... This band, is AFI? Good Kids.

1:24:11 Caller Play the song now.

1:24:12 Adam Good people. Dynamite individuals. Did come this close to dropping Trout a certain point in the evening, but then Trout's back up, belt's secured, ready to hear AFI's song. You guys ready? You cooed up there, Chris? This one's called Dancing Through Sunday.

1:25:10 Let's find yourself a beauty that will lo-fi.

1:26:53 Adam Yeah, AFI, everybody, Sing the Sorrow, Name of the CD. Go to their website, by the way, www.fireinside.net, and find out when they're coming to a town near you, because, I mean, you guys are pretty much gonna canvas the United States.

1:27:12 AFI If you live in Fargo or Green Bay, we're right there. Milwaukee. We're gonna be in your town.

1:27:17 AFI Chicago.

1:27:17 Adam Yeah, they're gonna be everywhere.

1:27:19 AFI El Paso.

1:27:20 Adam And we're probably in all those towns too. Just go to the website and find out and then go see them. All right, let's talk to Marie. Marie?

1:27:34 Hello?

1:27:34 Adam Yeah, 21, what's up?

1:27:37 Hey, Adam and Dr. Drew, you guys are awesome. I have to say, I know you've heard this before, but you guys are completely wonderful and you do a great job and you really changed the way I look at my problems in my life. So Dr. Drew, I got your book and I've almost finished reading it and I just love it. It's really insightful and completely honest. It's a little bit too honest actually because sometimes when I was reading it, I got a little upset about things that came a little close and stuff.

1:28:15 Drew Yeah. These are characters I wrote about that are common situations.

1:28:24 But anyway, I feel like in reading your book, I find that maybe I give myself two years before I'm in a situation like some of your patients and I wonder how I can sort of stop that.

1:28:38 Adam What do you mean two years before you're in...

1:28:39 Drew It's a progressive condition and she sees herself being where some of these people had to describe in the book. Go get treatment. You don't have to go all the way down.

1:28:53 Adam Well.

1:28:53 Drew That's the point. Yeah. That's what I think I was writing about is that you can get it.

1:28:57 Adam What should you do? Go to AA?

1:29:00 Drew Well, Santa Cruz has a whole student mental health service. Are you in college?

1:29:04 Yeah. I actually just started grad school here.

1:29:07 Drew All right. So go to the student mental health services there and you're going to start going to 12 step meetings. You may need to be hospitalized for a while to get sort of detoxed and back on track, but you don't have to wait until catastrophe strikes. The problem is people aren't motivated enough until they believe they're going to die of this damn thing before they really get with it.

1:29:21 Adam Is Santa Cruz the banana slugs?

1:29:24 AFI She was in grad school at 21. She's pretty motivated.

1:29:26 Adam Yeah. You know, by the way, they're a little problem with the weed in Santa Cruz when they name the teams the banana slugs. Like how many pot brownies you got to eat before you decide on that? Like somebody's like, how about the Timberwolves? How about the banana slugs, dude? It's got the word banana in it.

1:29:44 AFI I think it's more a comment on the fact that they've made very much importance on sports at UC Santa Cruz.

1:29:49 Adam I think so, but it's funny, Santa Cruz, I could see them going against the Gauchos over there at Santa Barbara and what is up? Just come on, just go with, if we go with Snapping Turtle or something.

1:30:02 Drew How about just don't have sports teams?

1:30:03 Caller Okay, don't have sports teams.

1:30:05 Adam We don't have to, I don't think you have to. I think maybe it was a statement against the man and putting people in the uniforms and that kind of stuff. How can you, but who gets to decide? The Heshers don't get to decide the name of the team, do they?

1:30:18 Drew Yeah, if they're mostly Heshers.

1:30:19 AFI Yeah, if they're the majority.

1:30:20 Adam Really? But how long has UC Santa Cruz been around? How long has Banana Slug's been around?

1:30:27 Drew 40 years.

1:30:28 AFI I don't believe they give grades at Santa Cruz, she would know.

1:30:32 Adam Really?

1:30:32 AFI I think they just started a few years ago, but they would give, there was no letter grades, it was all like written and talked to you. You did pretty good this year.

1:30:39 Caller There was cool and bumming.

1:30:40 Drew When no one went to graduate school, they started thinking, we gotta do something here. Students are pissed.

1:30:45 Caller Mandy?

1:30:47 Adam We can't judge, is what we're saying.

1:30:49 AFI Santa Cruz is a different culture.

1:30:50 Adam A grade is a judge.

1:30:53 Caller You know what I'm saying?

1:30:54 Drew Yeah, they don't judge anybody, they might feel bad.

1:30:56 Adam They don't judge, that's right. Mandy? You're 20, what's up?

1:31:01 Caller This is the second time this has ever happened to me and I've had the same boyfriend for two years and we were having sex from behind and he noticed that I had this really thick white stuff coming out of my vagina and I wasn't having an orgasm or anything like that, we were just having sex. And then it happened again tonight. Well, he like wiped it off and showed it to me and it was on his penis and I could see it and it's like really thick.

1:31:33 Drew Walter Raleigh, nice.

1:31:35 Adam You want to taste or just a sniff?

1:31:38 Drew The sword.

1:31:39 Caller I just looked at it, but I was just wondering like, what is that? If it's normal?

1:31:45 Drew Are you having any irritation?

1:31:48 Caller No, I don't have any.

1:31:50 Drew Cause of course it could be yeast, but it also could be normal.

1:31:53 Caller Cause it's just the second time it's ever happened, but there's nothing wrong with me.

1:31:57 Adam Well, what happened the first time?

1:32:00 Caller It was just really, really thick and white. It was just the same thing.

1:32:03 Drew Nothing's wrong.

1:32:03 Adam I know, but it didn't, there wasn't any resolution to the problem. No infection.

1:32:10 Drew No. And are you about a week before your period now, when this happened?

1:32:15 Caller No, I'm just kind of in the lifestyle, my period in like two and a half weeks or something like that.

1:32:20 Adam What should she do?

1:32:21 Drew Nothing.

1:32:22 Adam Well, she wouldn't have, I mean, if there, if this was an infection, she would have some discomfort, some stuff like that. How about a little Metro gel?

1:32:30 Caller My boyfriend said that girls ejaculate sometimes.

1:32:33 Drew Yeah.

1:32:34 Caller I wasn't having an orgasm at the time that it was coming out.

1:32:38 Adam Your boyfriend drives a forklift though, right? What's your boyfriend do? Uh-huh, at a forklift school? No, junior college?

1:32:52 Caller No, at a university.

1:32:54 Adam Really?

1:32:55 Drew You live in Palm Springs?

1:32:56 Caller What?

1:32:56 Drew Where's he at?

1:33:00 Adam Which one in Orange County?

1:33:01 AFI University or college.

1:33:04 Caller Yeah.

1:33:07 Adam Okay, sort of. All right, Mandy. Have a good time. Yeah, see, I think it's uncouth to pull off a sample and give her a look. I use a series of mirrors.

1:33:20 AFI Or a Petri dish or something.

1:33:21 Adam Yeah, well, I don't actually like to take the offensive thing off the Johnson. I like to just bounce it off. I like how the Egyptians got light to the center of the pyramid there. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break. AFI is here. We'll play a little squeeze for the guys during the break.

1:33:40 Caller Yeah.

1:33:41 Adam We'll be right back after this.

1:33:44 Caller Here it is.

1:33:47 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:33:51 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. So get your problems ready.

1:34:11 Adam That's the week. I gotta give some thanks, where thanks is due. I wanna thank phone screener Brian for doing a great job. Phone screener Tara, don't call me Tara, goddammit, for doing a great job. Producer Ann for doing a wonderful job all week. There's a little squeeze in the background for you. You guys should get into the squeeze. I tell you, I miss this band.

1:34:31 Caller What the hell's going on right now?

1:34:33 Caller What the hell is that?

1:34:34 Adam We're listening to a little squeeze. Don't worry about it, buddy.

1:34:36 Caller I'm the engineer.

1:34:37 That's not acceptable.

1:34:38 Caller Turn that off now.

1:34:39 Adam I want to thank, keep playing the squeeze, buddy. I was going to thank, I was going to thank engineer Anderson for doing a great job until that little outburst. So screw that. I want to thank junior, whatever, Lauren for doing a fantastic job. And engineer Chris, who's now fired. Engineer Anderson's S list over there for playing a little squeeze for us in the studio. All right. And of course, Davey and Jade from AFI. Sing the sorrow, name of the CD, go out and get it. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Here's what my mom hung out with. She hung out with the Zorback, Happy, Sunshine and Axis.

1:35:24 Caller For real?

1:35:26 AFI Oh, that's a bum out.

1:35:31 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Thursday, September 18, 2003