Episode 1000570167078

1:08 Adam Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist.

1:12 Wilmer Valderrama is here.

1:14 Adam And we're just shooting a knowing glance at each other. You know, when you're on the inside, Drew, you'll understand.

1:19 Drew Someday, yes.

1:20 Adam Wilmer, of course, a friend of the show, been on many times, most notably known from that 70s show, but getting the theatrical career up and running as well with many movies and the latest, which is Party Monster. And Wilmer, just a great guy, always happy.

1:39 Wilmer Valderrama I love him.

1:40 Adam Is, you know, as much as I curse those I hate having success, I'm that much happier when those I like have success. Wilmer's one of the good ones.

1:51 Wilmer Valderrama I'm a big fan of yours.

1:52 Adam Oh, God bless you, Wilmer.

1:54 Wilmer Valderrama I told you that. I told you that in our privacy of the dressing room too. And that was really big.

1:58 I didn't know you showed him that.

2:00 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, that was really big.

2:01 Adam Wilmer and I, Wilmer was on the Jimmy Kimmel show last week when I was side kicking and we got to talking and asked him to come on the show and pow, here he is. And we had, we didn't have Macaulay Caulklin on the show, but we did have Seth Green on the show.

2:18 Drew Macaulay's girlfriend? Because he was sitting in here.

2:22 Adam Right. Oh, wait a minute, Macaulay's girlfriend is...

2:25 Wilmer Valderrama Mila.

2:25 Adam Mila from the 70s show. And also from the Family Guy. Oh, yes.

2:34 Drew I finally identified her voice last week. I was thinking, whose voice is that? I know that voice.

2:38 Adam So, notice that how, so what happened was, is Mila came in, well, man, it's been a couple of months, but she came in and Macaulay Caulklin came with her, but he was just sort of hanging, he was just sort of hanging out. He wasn't over here either.

2:51 I think it was the last studio.

2:52 Adam It's a very low problem.

2:53 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, very low problem.

2:53 Adam Yeah, I could see that getting beaten in into him very early by just society at large, you know, by the time you're nine, you realize it's probably not a good idea to just go walking out down the street in a pair of shorts whistling, you know.

3:09 Exactly.

3:10 Adam I don't think it ever really is a good idea to do that, even if you're not a celebrity. But now, did you get involved? Well, how did you get involved with Party Monsters? Is there any Mila connection?

3:21 Wilmer Valderrama No, not at all. In fact, it's the other way around, you know. Actually, she came and visited me at the set, you know, kind of thing. You know, I mean, they brought to me this script a long time ago, and it was in the works of Getting Done. And there's a few people attached to it that then fell through, and then a few other people got attached to it. And they brought it up to me, and I went up to, you know, Randy and Fenton, who are the directors and writers of the movie, and met with them. And, you know, long story short, got the part and learned a lot about the whole subject and about what the movie was about, and got to meet the cast, which is an incredible cast.

3:56 Drew Tell your whole story in entertainment. That was kind of interesting. Where you came from.

3:59 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, I was born in Miami. And when I was three years old, my parents decided to move back to Venezuela. And that's where I grew up. When I turned 14, 14 and a half, we came back to the States, came to Los Angeles, didn't know how to speak English, and had to learn from scratch.

4:13 Adam So, so now being in Miami until three, did you did you pick up any English?

4:18 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, the word. Yeah. I knew I knew the very fundamental, very important word that you use in English very often, which is monkey. And that was that was really exciting because when I got back, I got to use it zero times. So, but yeah, but, you know, you know, I didn't know I knew nothing because it's like learning a whole new culture.

4:40 Adam So you go from Venezuela to where?

4:43 Wilmer Valderrama From Venezuela, we came back to Miami for like two weeks. And my parents, you know, didn't really see anything really happening there. So we came back to Los Angeles.

4:51 Adam And what did your parents do or what do they do?

4:53 Wilmer Valderrama My dad used to work the agriculture business in Venezuela. You know, he had a company that that, you know, he owned this company with machineries and stuff and a lot of farms that didn't have the money to buy their own machinery. You know, they were paying my dad for a fee. Yeah, exactly. He will go there and will for a first like kind of like a service, they go in there and they level the land, make it ready for plantation, they're going to think. But during the winters, the work was really, really bad because the winters are long and very, very wet, you know.

5:19 Adam Right.

5:20 Wilmer Valderrama So so we had to just find something else because we were breaking even in our savings every winter.

5:24 Adam So you came so you came out here and then the family went from Miami to Los Angeles. And then what did your folks start doing?

5:32 Wilmer Valderrama Well, my dad, my dad was still doing the company from, you know, from here, you know, you know, as much as it could, you know. And then he started buying and fixing cars and selling them black and stuff like that slowly. And and now you get that part of the story last year.

5:45 Adam I like that. Yeah.

5:47 Drew I know I had to talk to all night with you just about that.

5:49 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah.

5:50 Adam What's he doing now?

5:51 Wilmer Valderrama Well, right now, he actually has a company that imports, you know, textiles, you know, from, you know, from back and forth.

5:57 Adam It's amazing these guys that are just they're sort of businessmen and whatever they direct their focus toward. And they become experts at it pretty quickly.

6:07 And the next year, I think it's surviving, man.

6:10 Wilmer Valderrama It's surviving when you need to learn something and do it right. You know, because, you know, certain people are depending on it.

6:15 Drew And people don't really you didn't speak English when very soon after you just sort of learn English by the time you literally like so fine.

6:22 Wilmer Valderrama I was here at 14 at 18. I was getting the 70s show. So I was from from 14 to 18. I was not going to parties, not going to movies, not going to malls. Just school, you know, reading, studying, making sure that I was petrified.

6:40 Drew Like I mean, he is waking up now for lost time. Oh, yeah.

6:43 Wilmer Valderrama I am making up. But it's true, you know, I think that that you know, I was so focused back there, you know, because I was so scared of being part of that whole stereotype, you know, and and I just, you know, just felt very patronized and didn't want to compromise for what I wanted to be. But I in a very younger age, I just said, you know what, I can't I can't live in fear like this. You know, I had to learn the language right away and and just study study and went back to school activities, which was theatrical and singing and dancing and stuff, which was a thing that was making me improve my speaking skills.

7:14 Adam And then you just start going out on auditions when you were 16.

7:19 Wilmer Valderrama And I had nothing to lose. So I said, you know what, let me let me I'm still in school. You know, let me do this as well so I can do two things at the same time and just be busy. And I started auditioning a lot and became really good at the whole auditioning process and met a lot of great people. And and, you know, this teacher, this teacher that I had was a private acting class. Her name was Celeste Boyd. And I actually haven't been able to talk to her ever since, like in years. I've been trying to find this woman, but but she's she was amazing. She was the one who actually sharpened my tools to the point where I felt so comfortable in going on these auditions. And I was booking job after job after job. And and and then finally, I went with my first commercial, paid my dues and I've been with that money, you know, you know, I became a Piscu and Actors Guild member. And and then I started auditioning for the good stuff.

8:05 Adam I remember I remember because I was around Carsey Warner when they were getting that 70 show going, which used to be called what's called Dazed and Confused or Teenage Wasteland.

8:17 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, there was like four names. They had Teenage Wasteland.

8:19 Drew It was fashioned after Dazed and Confused.

8:21 Adam Right. But they couldn't get the name. They want to call it Teenage Wasteland and they couldn't get the rights from the Who or something like that, which is ironic.

8:29 Wilmer Valderrama By the way, the weird thing about it, that 100th episode, Roger Dalton comes and that's a guest star and becomes my music teacher is weird.

8:35 Adam Well, somebody told the Who to start selling their library at some point, because now I hear I hear you, you know, there's a Humvee commercial with the Who song and they're all over the place. It could have been our it could have been our song, but it was called that 70s show because that's what they were calling it as a sort of working title because they didn't have another title. And so the executives would say it's, you know, that 70s show and it just stuck. And what is this the seventh year?

9:01 Wilmer Valderrama This is our sixth season and we've been picked up for a seventh already. We started six season October 29 and really that's going to be that 90s show. And the fans are super cool and they really they mean we went through that process. Of going from Sundays to Mondays back to Sundays, Sundays to Tuesdays, from Tuesdays back to Mondays and then Wednesdays and then Tuesdays and Wednesdays. And that could murder any show. But, you know, everybody everybody was really cool enough to be loyal and and and follow the show.

9:30 Drew We've had every one of your cast except the mom, right?

9:34 Adam Maybe the mom came. I think the mom came with the dad at some point. I thought she would.

9:42 I think Kerwood's done it a couple of times.

9:44 Adam Yeah, I think maybe maybe with the exception of the mom. But that's a maybe. I think we've had everybody for sure.

9:50 All right.

9:51 Adam Well, good times. Mazel Tov is half of Drew's religion would express. And the the movie, which is in limited release, it's out in New York and Los Angeles, Chicago. And do you say it's coming out in Miami or Florida?

10:07 Wilmer Valderrama It's going to come out pretty soon, in a few days, actually.

10:09 Adam Party Monster doing very well. But if you support it, then it'll get a wide release. And then eventually may even show up in a town near you. All right. Let's go to the phones and get the show started. Speak to Julie, who's 20. Julie.

10:23 Caller Hi.

10:24 Adam What's up?

10:26 Caller I was wondering if there's a reason why I don't have orgasms. I can get them like orally, but I can't have them through intercourse.

10:35 Drew That reason would be you're a female.

10:38 Caller Right.

10:38 Drew That most women experience that very less than less than half have an orgasm with intercourse.

10:45 Adam In my experience, about 3% and they're faking. So you don't have to worry about that, Julie.

10:51 Drew That is a normal, normal. In fact, you're a little ahead of the curve at 20 to be having orgasms at all.

10:55 Adam Yeah. With the oral sex. Do you get, do you come close?

10:59 Drew No, she has it with the oral sex. I know.

11:01 Caller I have them with oral.

11:03 Adam I feel like he's making a point unless he's knocking something over in the studio. But, yeah, I know. But do you come close through the intercourse?

11:10 Caller Oh, no. Not at all.

11:12 Adam Not even, not, it's not like you're on the warning track or anything. You don't get out of the infield.

11:17 Caller No.

11:19 Adam Well, that's you.

11:20 Caller Yeah.

11:21 Drew Yeah.

11:21 Adam You don't get to the plate. But do you enjoy sex anyway?

11:25 Caller Um, yeah, I do.

11:28 Adam I mean, I may get a kiss of death when you hear the um in front of me.

11:31 Drew The difference between male and female. So, Jo, do you and the sex still get?

11:35 Um, uh.

11:38 Adam Well, hey, so, Julie, maybe you don't enjoy the intercourse that much.

11:44 Caller I do. I try to make it interesting because I just know that I'm not going to ever get anywhere.

11:50 Drew Not a male answer. Not possibly even the range of possible answers.

11:53 Adam Are you not happy with your guy?

11:59 Wilmer Valderrama Do you still find him attractive?

12:01 Caller I'm sorry?

12:03 Wilmer Valderrama Do you still find him attractive?

12:05 Caller Oh, yeah.

12:06 Adam Alright, but you sure you're not angry with him over anything? Okay, then why are you giving us a crazy cadence every time we ask you a question about him?

12:19 Drew You actually have to find the word cadence for her.

12:21 Adam Here's what I'm saying, Julie. Here's the thing. If you don't have a problem with your guy, you're perfectly happy and perfectly attracted to him, how come when we ask, are you happy with him, are you attracted to him, you give that, um, yeah?

12:39 Caller Well, I mean, he's not like my guy.

12:41 Caller I mean, he's like my friend, and we're not like totally together, but like, Maybe you need to find that relationship.

12:48 Adam That's what you need.

12:48 Wilmer Valderrama You know, when you're in love, it feels really good.

12:51 Adam Mm-hmm. Or drunk or high.

12:53 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, one of the three.

12:55 Adam Or it's, uh, during the day or at night. In the morning sometimes.

12:59 Wilmer Valderrama Or the bushes.

12:59 Adam Yeah, that's right. Julie's just like, uh, talking to her is like playing a handball against the curtains. Just everything's like, uh, you have to sit on pins and needles waiting for a crappy response each time. Christina?

13:12 Hello?

13:13 Adam You're 22?

13:14 Caller Yeah.

13:15 Adam What's up?

13:16 Caller You guys are totally bitch and you got me through high school.

13:19 Adam Thank you.

13:20 Caller Bitch. Um, this is such a lifetime channel drama, I can't even tell you, but, um, I was with my boyfriend for a year and he got out of the Coast Guard and we drove across country from Seattle to North Carolina and, um, got in a little fight with his mother and he took me to stay with his grandmother and said everything was cool, look for a house for us, the next day I called him and he broke up with me, screamed at me, horrible person, blah, blah, blah, blah. And, um, I was 3,000 miles away from home, I didn't know anyone and-

13:49 Drew There's a lot of stuff missing there.

13:52 Adam Why would he just scream that you're a horrible person after the last thing he told you to do is look for a house for us?

13:57 Caller See, that's why I'm confused. And-

13:59 Drew Now, what, you went to North Carolina to meet his mom?

14:02 Caller Well, we moved there.

14:03 Adam They were relocating.

14:05 Drew Why? Why?

14:06 Caller So he could work for his family's business. They worked for a beer company or something like that.

14:11 Drew And there's no dad?

14:13 Caller What?

14:14 Drew There's no dad?

14:14 Caller No. The dad's there and he's very involved, but the mother is very domineering and very loud and he's very close with her. It's kind of weird.

14:21 Drew So you met her and what happened during that meeting?

14:24 Caller We loved each other. Everything was cool and we went on vacation for two days and basically there was a little conflict about me going to the beach with her sons. And she told me to sit the hell down and swore at me and I didn't want to be talked to like that. So I went to a hotel.

14:38 Drew Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down.

14:39 Hold on a second.

14:40 Adam Christine is a pain in the ass too. Listen, listen, everybody, if you're going to, you can leave out, here's the thing. If you're going to tell a story, obviously when you tell a story, you want to make it. It's like you're talking to a cop who started the fight in the bar. Hey man, I was just sitting there drinking a beer and a guy came up and he shoved me and I tried to defend myself. You gotta do that, but you can't just say I was at home and the bar came into my living room and it beat me up and then went back to the bar. It has to be plausible. And your whole, your story started with you didn't do anything. Next thing you know, he's screaming at you and you're out of his life. And this is starting to weave into his mom and some kids at the beach and you telling her to blow you. And so we're starting to start to un-fur a little bit.

15:23 Drew So you had a huge fight with the mom. Christina.

15:27 Adam You went and stayed at a hotel.

15:29 Drew Yeah. Stay at this planet. It was bad enough for you to leave the scene. I mean, it sounds horrible. All right. It was a huge deal. Yes. Yes. Why do you deny that? Wait, wait. You just said yes. It was a huge deal. Yes. It was a huge deal that caused you to leave and retreat to a hotel for God's sake.

15:50 Adam Well, listen, look, Christina, we're not saying it was your fault. We're just trying to figure out why we now assume it is.

15:56 Drew It is her fault.

15:58 Adam We're not saying it's your fault, although, oh no, I never said that. We're just trying to figure out why your boyfriend would call you out of the blue and start screaming at you.

16:06 Drew And when you know that his mother is a major figure in his life, somebody he's very close to, and she has a total meltdown, horrible interaction with you, it sounds like.

16:14 Adam That's why he called.

16:15 Drew Naturally enough.

16:16 Adam Yell that, yeah.

16:17 Drew Yeah, he calls and is upset and angry that you would do that to his mother and you would engage in that kind of relationship.

16:21 Adam But anyway, and look, we're not a big fan of his either. Any guy that's still sucking on the teat of his mom at age 25 is a girlfriend of mine.

16:29 Drew Yeah, we wouldn't say that he shouldn't have called up and defended you. Maybe that's probably what he should have done, but the fact is, it was because of this meltdown fight you had with him.

16:38 Adam So now.

16:38 Caller So now, yeah, we both overreacted. It was the thing. And so I think what happened is when he went back to be with them and smooth things over because they threatened to take away his job and everything if he were to stay with me, he called and broke up with me and I was three thousand miles away from home.

16:56 Drew But thank you for including that little piece of that. His career was going to be trash.

17:02 Caller But they really hate you.

17:04 Drew But the irony, though, is that Christina probably is exactly like the mom. Probably.

17:09 Caller Interesting.

17:10 Wilmer Valderrama What a twist.

17:12 Caller Both ball busters.

17:13 Adam Of course.

17:13 Caller All right.

17:14 Adam So now what?

17:15 Caller So I'm back in Seattle. They have everything I own. He's not speaking to me. And I'm just wondering, should I hold out for…

17:21 Drew It's time to go down that path to everything I own.

17:23 Caller I know.

17:24 Drew Yeah, my toothbrush.

17:25 Adam Half a box of tampons and a pack of cool cigarettes.

17:29 Caller They have my kittens and my car and everything. So I'm just wondering, you know, since he's going to be with the family, that we don't get along. Me and the family don't. Should I just give up hope now and move on?

17:40 Adam What kind of car? What year?

17:41 Caller A 93 Honda Accord.

17:43 Adam How many miles?

17:44 Caller 146,000.

17:47 Adam Yeah, you can leave it. Leather interior or cloth?

17:50 Caller No.

17:51 Caller Velour?

17:51 Caller Yes.

17:52 Adam What color? Burgundy?

17:54 Caller Blue?

17:55 Adam You can leave it. Leave it. Automatic or stick? Automatic. Yeah. You can leave it. 150,000 miles on it.

18:02 Caller Yeah.

18:03 Adam Why didn't you take it when you left, by the way? Did you fly home?

18:07 Caller Yes, I did.

18:08 Caller I see. All right.

18:09 Adam And are you on speaking terms with him anymore?

18:12 Caller No. We haven't spoken since then. And it was just such a shock because when he left, he was...

18:16 Caller All right.

18:16 Drew Everything was cool.

18:18 Adam Chalk it up to experience.

18:19 Drew But Christina, listen, for God sakes, learn to contain your impulses. Think how many steps along the way are the result of you leaving and going to a hotel, getting on an airplane, all this drama that you throw into your life. If you just sat and reflected for a section on your action, like an adult, perhaps things might have turned out different.

18:38 Adam Well, I don't want to blame Christina too much, but I can tell by her cane she's a horrible person. I know these Christina's. I've dealt with a few of these. They're victims, everything is someone else's fault. There was attack for no good reason. They tell you a story. No, I didn't want to get to it. Just chalk it up and look, everybody, bad roommates, bad relationships, bad boyfriend, bad girlfriend, chalk it up to experience when you're 22 and walk away. That's it.

19:02 Drew All that wasted time. So, what? Wasted a few more years? Right.

19:08 Adam Annalisa? What's up?

19:12 You're 13.

19:13 Adam That's pretty young. Is it hot in here?

19:17 Drew Of course.

19:20 Yeah, I was raped this summer by my aunt's boyfriend.

19:26 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

19:30 30.

19:30 Caller Oh, boy.

19:32 Adam This is your aunt's boyfriend. Mm-hmm. This is the sister of your mother or father?

19:38 Of my mother. I don't know my father at all. My mom's been married three times.

19:45 Drew Yes, of course.

19:46 Adam So, this is your mom's younger sister?

19:48 Yes.

19:49 Caller All right.

19:50 Adam And did you tell anybody about this?

19:52 Yeah, my mom knows and stuff and a couple of my best friends know and my aunt knows, but she's kind of like relying on me to make decisions for her.

20:02 Drew Did you go to the police?

20:05 Caller The police. Did you go to the police?

20:09 My mom, well, I guess my grandpa had called the police because it happened in Washington. So, he had called the police, I guess, on him and but all I know is that they said that since it happened a while ago that they don't know what to do about it right now.

20:32 Drew Why didn't you go to a hospital right away when it happened?

20:35 Um, no, because I was kind of scared because I freaked out because with my aunt, because she might be losing her daycare license because it happened at her house.

20:45 Adam Oh, no, honey, that would be a tragedy if that saint lost her daycare license.

20:50 Drew Well, with her help or her boyfriend.

20:52 Adam Sure. Russ nursing a 16-ounce tall boy, got hanging out of his wife beater, smoking a more cigarette. Come here, kiddies. How old are you? Eight? You'll be ripe in just a couple of months.

21:10 No, but, um, yeah, she has three kids from him.

21:15 Adam Oh, perfect. Perfect. And how long? So how long ago did this happen?

21:21 About two months.

21:22 Adam And she knows that he raped you. And what do you think his story is? Did he try to defend himself?

21:32 Um, he, um, my parents had called or my mom had called my grandpa. My grandpa went over there and, you know, he called, he called me and he's like, are you sure this happened? And so Al, like, told her, you know, the guy totally, like, denied it and everything. And so, yeah.

21:53 Adam Well, do you think your aunt believes you? Do you think people believe you?

21:58 Yeah, to a point.

22:00 Drew Had you been victimized in the past prior to this? No. Never. Nothing ever happened to you before.

22:05 Adam And so you guys, well, what were you doing? Staying with them?

22:08 Yeah, I was helping my aunt out during the summer with her daycare and she had taken her oldest son, which is now eight years old, and taken those two went to Florida that night.

22:26 Drew Look, if anything like this ever happens to you again, go immediately to a hospital and get what's called a forensic examination where they look inside and collect evidence to prove that you were raped. You gotta have that. Nothing you can do if you don't do that.

22:44 Adam So are you doing okay? Oh, I understand that part. You're back in Wisconsin. She's in Washington.

22:57 Drew What's all that about?

23:00 Adam I mean, why is she depending on you to make decisions? You mean not to prosecute?

23:11 Drew Oh my God. Oh my God.

23:13 Adam She's asking the rape victim whether to keep...

23:16 Drew We'll tell you what to tell her. Get the guy away. And in fact... That's it. Somebody's got to notify the state that she's got a predator in the house.

23:26 Wilmer Valderrama Those are the kind of businesses she runs.

23:28 Caller Yeah.

23:28 Drew God, and Lisa, please follow our direction of this. We rarely give specific advice. This one we're giving it.

23:33 Caller Yeah.

23:33 Adam I mean, I could see if, you know, he was a publicist or something like that where it kind of went with the territory, the rape, not the physical rape, but the symbolic rape of the business, that sort of thing. Well, that's fine. It's actually, I would consider it a plus. I talk, when I interview publicists, I want to know that they have an extensive criminal history with rape being at the top of the list. But if it's daycare, that's a different thing. That's completely different. Not a plus in daycare. Now, see, she's got that sign up that says, you know, rape free since July of 96 and then then crossed out now, then she got to write the new date underneath it. But even if you see that rape free sign, which I look for in a daycare, it's a bad sign.

24:20 Drew This is a rape free zone.

24:24 Adam All right. Wilmer Valderrama here tonight. Everybody Party Monster.

24:29 Wilmer Valderrama Wow. That's great.

24:31 Adam They're big fans. Big fans.

24:34 Caller We'll take a quick break.

24:35 Adam We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline of Adam. That's Dr. Drew, AFI in here tomorrow night, by the way. Wilmer Valderrama in here tonight. Always great to see him again. Party Monster, name of the movie, out in...

25:07 Wilmer Valderrama Haven't seen it, I guess. It's a show, Clap.

25:10 Adam No, actually, Engineer Anderson saw it and liked it. He told us last night.

25:16 Drew Wow, a rare, a rare love.

25:17 First half I loved, Wilmer.

25:19 Adam He was in love with the first half and liked the second half?

25:22 Yeah, it's all a two-star second half.

25:24 Adam All right, because he's a... Engineer Anderson is not only a cynic and a part-time prick, but...

25:32 Caller A student of film.

25:33 Adam A student of film. He has a film tattoo, actually a ribbon of film going around his right elbow.

25:41 Very passionate about it, that's great.

25:43 Adam He's a passionate, passionate man when it comes to film. Oh, buddy, I miss you. I miss you too, bud.

25:49 Drew Yeah, you know, in fact, Anderson came to my book signing.

25:52 Adam Oh, he did?

25:53 Drew Yeah, my friends that cared about my projects who...

25:55 Adam Well, you had it in some like Beach City or something.

26:00 Drew It was at least five minutes from Culver City, you're right.

26:02 Adam All right, good times. We were, I was looking down on my beat sheet here, seeing Wilmer's name, seeing his last name spelled V-A-L-D-E-R-R-R-A-M-A.

26:18 Wilmer Valderrama How do you say that?

26:19 Adam And I just got to roll those R's. You got to say it like you're scoring a soccer goal. And then I looked up on the Loveline guest sheet on the window and it's spelled V-A-L-D-E-R, one R-A-M-A. So I was a little confused and the answer is two R's. So, one heavy here, one light on the window, but two R's thereby. And speaking of crazy names, this is just a little piece of personal business. Sending this guy, I don't know him too well, I'm just a guy, thought I'd do him a favor and send him out to the Inland Invasion this week. K-Rock's putting on an amazing set. And I said, so what's your name? What's your last name, Robert? How do you spell that? And he said, because I got to put it in so we can get it at will calls. I mean, in my in my car, by the way, trying to find a pen and write and talk on the cell phone. And he's like, last name. And this is it. This is the last name.

27:24 K-H-A-C-H-A-T-O-O-R-I-A-N-S.

27:36 Adam A-H-A-C-H-A-T-O-O-R-I-A-N-S. I'm like, I'm like, are you high? First off, circumnavigated the globe now. Two times since you've given me that name, I'm like, are you kidding me? I don't even know what that is. And there's like 17 letters and I know when he says it, it sounds like nothing. But I didn't even know how to pronounce it.

27:55 Wilmer Valderrama I was about to ask you.

27:56 Drew It's Cachetorian.

27:58 Adam Yes, Cachetorian. Yeah, it's Armenian, I guess.

28:01 Caller I guess.

28:06 Adam But Jesus, I could streamline this name no problem and I could work it into about six and a half letters. True.

28:11 Caller All right.

28:13 Adam And then I thought, what a curse. Imagine on the back of like a baseball jersey in high school or something.

28:20 Caller All right.

28:22 Adam Where is we? Back to the phones. We go.

28:26 Caller Yeah.

28:26 Adam You're 24?

28:27 Caller 24.

28:28 Adam What's up?

28:30 Caller I got married about nine months ago. And my wife, before we got married, didn't have a problem with having an orgasm or anything else. She's 21.

28:39 Drew Intercourse or just what? How did she achieve that?

28:43 Caller Intercourse. Ever since we got married, she's been having trouble. Well, we've changed her birth control twice. She's been to the gynecologist several times and lately we tried Avlamil. It's just I heard the commercial on the radio a few times and we thought, hey, we'll give it a try.

29:02 Drew Oh, please.

29:03 Adam Does it work?

29:04 Caller Absolutely not. Of course not.

29:06 Adam All right. Now that crap works.

29:09 Drew Did she start the pill at the time at which you got married?

29:12 Caller No, she started about three months before we got married.

29:15 Drew Did her sex drive or orgasmic function decline?

29:18 Caller It didn't really affect her until probably about a month after we got married, I guess.

29:23 Drew Do you think it is the pill or does she have some sort of emotional reaction to being married?

29:27 Caller She really has no emotional problem. She had a great upbringing and everything, her family.

29:33 Drew And she's been thoroughly checked out medically?

29:35 Caller Yes, sir. Very.

29:37 Drew I mean, she's on no other medicines?

29:39 Caller Excuse me?

29:39 Drew She's on no other medicines other than the birth control pill?

29:42 Caller Absolutely not. She takes the pill and like I said, the Dablamil and that's it. She might have some stress with school, but even on her summer break there was no...

29:51 Adam How about oral sex?

29:53 Caller She really doesn't get into it. I mean... She's mad.

29:56 Adam Good for you. Good for you, buddy. Got you. Bullets. I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. Carl was busy counting up the letters in this guy's name. Fourteen letters. More than half the alphabet in this guy.

30:07 Drew Just to add them, if you could have had that name, you would have learned how to read just with that name.

30:11 Adam How many? Is there 26 letters? How many? How many letters are there?

30:16 Wilmer Valderrama I used to know this.

30:17 Adam Twenty-eight? We'll work it out.

30:19 Caller We'll work it out, Dr. Drew, half, at least half.

30:20 Adam I thought there was 26. Dr. Drew's working it out, by the way. It's going to take a couple of minutes.

30:27 Drew Twenty-six.

30:28 Adam Twenty-six. All right. More than half the letters in the alphabet in this guy's name. And you know what I was thinking? See, back in the day, they would have taken a look at this at Ellis Island and went like Johnson. Yeah. Less letters. Yeah. Just make it easier. Now everyone's got to hang on to their name. They're Valderramas and they're Cartutarians.

30:47 Wilmer Valderrama A lot of people tell me to change my name when I first started doing this and they're like producers.

30:51 Adam Last or first or just both. Well, like I could see you like as a, maybe like as a Val Valderrama. You know what I mean? That's like an action name.

31:00 Drew Val-der-rama.

31:02 Wilmer Valderrama Coming soon to us in a new year.

31:04 Adam Just chop it in half. Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. What happened to our last guy?

31:07 Drew Three, three. Why?

31:08 Adam We weren't done helping that guy.

31:10 Drew No, we were not done. That's right.

31:11 Adam So what do you do?

31:11 Caller Hang on.

31:12 Drew You put him on hold.

31:13 Adam Oh, all right. Sorry, Joe.

31:15 Caller That's all right.

31:16 Caller All right.

31:16 Adam Is your wife, is she stressed out? Is she happy with the marriage?

31:19 Caller Is she happy with you?

31:20 Caller Very happy with the marriage.

31:21 Drew How long has this been going on for that she's been like this?

31:24 Caller I'd say the past eight months.

31:26 Drew And no pregnancies? No, nothing like that?

31:28 Caller No, no pregnancies.

31:29 Drew Any other funky symptoms?

31:32 Caller Gaining loss? Just the sex thing. She still behaves the same, acts the same, you know, does all the same things.

31:39 Drew Was she multi-orgasmic before or just once?

31:43 Caller Well, if we went long enough, but yeah, most of the time.

31:46 Adam Maybe she burnt them all, like a football game, you know, you burn them all in the third quarter, you got nothing left.

31:52 Caller See, I've listened before and you said that it's kind of unusual for a person or for a girl under 24, 25 to actually have an orgasm.

31:58 Drew Yeah, except the ones that do. The ones that do, it sort of falls out.

32:02 Adam What about this? What about some abuse? Some abuse?

32:06 Caller No?

32:06 Adam Turned on, turned off?

32:08 Drew No? No.

32:09 Adam No abuse?

32:10 Caller No abuse.

32:11 Adam Preacher's order.

32:12 Caller I mean. Oh, oh. Yeah. She was virgin until we got together and we're married. I'm the only person she's ever been with.

32:22 Adam Outside of the family.

32:24 Caller Outside of the family, of course.

32:26 Adam Well, I think she should.

32:28 Drew I think you got to pursue the medical work more thoroughly. Yeah, this is not. And she probably, is she off the pill now? Joe, is she off the pill now?

32:38 Caller No, sir.

32:39 Drew She got to be off the pill. Give her six months or so off the pill. Use condoms, that kind of thing, just to see if she can restore her normal biology. I bet that's what it is.

32:49 Adam It's the preacher's daughter version.

32:51 Wilmer Valderrama It's different in every woman, how they react to it.

32:53 Drew Isn't it amazing? I mean, that's why men are so bewildered. Women are so different from the other biologically in their responsiveness and how they respond to medication. Completely different.

33:02 Adam Yeah, they're a mess. I mean, there's no, here's the thing about women. It's like, it's like back, you know, I sit around and watch all these history shows at night. And back in the day, they used to, you know, make each rifle by hand, you know, for the Civil War and everything. And then the ammunition would only work with the certain rifle because everything was like a different born, a different size, and nothing could get synced up. Well, guys, we figured it out. We got all synced up.

33:28 Drew Men, men were all synced up.

33:29 Adam Yes, your balls will work with my penis, my hand will work. Well, I don't have to tell you about that. I mean, the point is, it's easy. We know how it works. Women, easy. Like, you know, if you were...

33:41 Drew Women got it easy.

33:42 Adam Yeah, they got it easy because we're easy to figure out and we're all about the same.

33:45 Drew Except because they can't accept the male's motivational priorities in terms of what we like, what we do. We seem like a complete bewilderment to them. Because they won't accept how we actually are. It's all very confusing.

33:57 Adam Right.

33:57 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, it's always compromising.

33:59 Adam We're basically, look at guys, all of them is rapists. It's just some of them don't rape. Most of them. Most of them. Most of them don't. But look at them. Look at them having the heart of a rapist who will keep themselves at bay.

34:12 Drew Now role playing, I'll play the woman. It's like, oh, you're so funny. You're so funny. You're such a big hole.

34:17 Wilmer Valderrama Oh, you're trying that.

34:18 Drew That's cute. That's so funny.

34:20 Wilmer Valderrama Okay, I'll let you go over there.

34:22 Drew Guys, not funny.

34:23 Adam No, no.

34:24 Drew Not funny. Definitely serious.

34:25 Adam Drew is a doctor. He's a very passionate man. Yes, Drew?

34:28 Drew Very.

34:29 Adam Okay. And of course, Wilmer is from Venezuela.

34:33 Drew Very.

34:33 Wilmer Valderrama Very Venezuelan.

34:34 Drew Very passionate.

34:37 Adam Great passion. I'm from North Hollywood. We beat off at NAP a lot. But that's my culture.

34:44 Wilmer Valderrama It's what I do.

34:46 Adam It's what I do.

34:47 Wilmer Valderrama I'm passionate like this.

34:48 Adam We have the festival each year in North Hollywood where we all just get together and NAP and then beat off and then NAP again. It's huge, Drew. It's your rides for the kids, we're going to do a snow cone machine this year. You got to come out. All right. Let's let's take they did away speaking of a passion. They got rid of a lap dancing, by the way, in proper Los Angeles, which still means you can probably get out to like the Spearmint Rhino and Tustin or something and still get yourself a handy but no lap dances. And it's a matter of fact, they didn't say no lap dances, they said it was a six foot radius. You had to have some sort of six foot buffer zone, like some some some kind of as if they put one of those one of those court or court ordered restraining order on your on your nuts. They couldn't be more than could be closer than six foot to a stripper.

35:49 Drew Think of all the police that's going to now require the police then.

35:51 Adam OK, this this is my point. This this is exactly my point, which is, you know, a week ago, they ABC News drove some spent uranium right down the 110 and right through the middle of downtown LA and it came right in came from like Jakarta. They shipped it on a container ship right into the port of Los Angeles and pow right into right through downtown LA. Now, here's the answer they always give, hey, we don't have enough manpower. We just don't have enough manpower to search every container to work every port to this and that. So whenever the policing whenever you're talking about crime, it's always manpower. We just don't have enough manpower. Well, maybe if you didn't have some of the manpower sitting in the bars looking for the six foot buffer zone, they could hit the ports. You see what I'm saying? Why don't you pull some of the manpower out of the shavettes out of the meter maids I see coming down the street at two in the morning when I'm driving home from way up in the hills, giving the good taxpayers a nice ticket up there. We pull some of those manpower guys and shove their asses out to the port. Don't give me that manpower crap. You guys put 50 guys to bust Heidi Fleiss, that old plenty of manpower for the boob job patrol. Them you got that can look in in the container for radioactive materials, you're a little short on guys.

37:14 Drew That's not so interesting.

37:16 Adam Everyone's there, please. What's going on? We have so much manpower being focused on, oh, who's smoking out on the terrace and who's getting a lap dance. We don't have anything left for the stuff we want. Please, and these council people, I don't know who this lesbian was that got this thing pushed along, but Jesus Christ, honey. Give it a rest. We're practically in wartime here. And by the way, this is a simple enjoyment for a man during these times of stress. You know what I'm saying? Nothing wrong blowing a little steam off at the joint there.

37:50 Wilmer Valderrama We have to welcome the troops.

37:52 Adam We really do. That's right. That's right. All right, Anshul, stop saying, but I'm angry now because who is going to enforce this? And they will enforce it and they'll have to enforce it. And that's just one more guy off the street and in the tea bar looking for your buffer zone, which by the way, nobody cares about. The guys who go in there know what they want. Believe me, guys who go into those places are, oh, I know these guys actually, but they're angry that they're not getting enough already. They'd like more. Please. Really? Is this what we really got to do? And how come these people that try to waste everyone's time and push all these things through? How come we don't just run them out of town on a donkey? Really? This is it? Not enough manpower for anything else but this? Please. You sicken me. All of you.

38:40 Caller All right.

38:41 Wilmer Valderrama!

38:46 Caller Yes!

38:47 Adam In studio tonight. We'll take a quick break.

38:50 Caller We'll be right back. Loveline.

38:54 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

39:04 Adam I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Wilmer Valderrama. He's our guest tonight, Party Monster, name of his new movie, Seth Green, Macaulay Culkin, but what's the deal? Because there's a lot of shows premiering this week already.

39:33 Wilmer Valderrama There's a lot of new shows that come on early, so they don't, you know, because a lot of the veteran shows, do you know why, do you know why shows are released in the fall?

39:42 Adam No, why?

39:42 Drew Why this happened? It's an anachronism, a throwback to the release of cars in the fall.

39:49 Adam Oh, and advertising.

39:50 Drew Well, they would sponsor the shows, and so they correlated with the release of the new car. And now this industry is still stuck in that same seasonal mode, when really it should be, it should be all the time, just rolling.

40:01 Adam Cable sort of does that.

40:02 Drew Yeah, that's right.

40:03 Adam And so this is like, it's like in sports, like in football, the rookies got to get to camp a couple weeks early and then the veterans show up. So going on, it's a sixth season, that's 70 shows, a veteran.

40:15 Wilmer Valderrama It's a Yeah, thank you.

40:16 Caller Because that's a rush to them.

40:18 Adam Perennial all-pro. You understand? Busy signing autographs, throwing the kids to practice jersey, banging strippers, that kind of stuff.

40:27 Wilmer Valderrama You know, it's interesting, when we first came into the network, we came in right in the last season of Marrow's Place at 90210. And that was an interesting thing to see. We were this freshman kids where everybody knew that we were going to get canceled. And you know, all of those kids weren't extremely nice to us at all.

40:45 Drew That's interesting.

40:47 Wilmer Valderrama I mean, there was like one or two in each cast in each Marrow's Place and 90210. They were actually nice to us.

40:52 Adam But yeah, well, they're on top of the world now.

40:57 Wilmer Valderrama We're just thankful to have a gig.

41:00 Drew What do you think happens to people when they're on a hit show that just vanishes? Do they get depressed? What happens?

41:06 Adam I don't know. What happened to you with Loveline, Drew?

41:08 Drew Oh, he gets depressed.

41:10 Wilmer Valderrama You get depressed.

41:12 Drew No, but I mean, did they not really even thought about it? Did they?

41:18 Adam No, he still thinks the show's on.

41:20 Drew But do they keep struggling to try to reinvent themselves?

41:23 Wilmer Valderrama You know, it's interesting. A lot of them, and this is for me, just my experience of just being in the network and seeing the cycle in which each show goes through, you know, from the moment they get picked up to the moment they get canceled, you know, it's incredible. I think that it just depends on the ambition, depends on the vision that they see themselves in later, you know, whether they think in the long term or they think in the short term, you know.

41:48 Adam I was, I was watching the special tribute to John Ritter last night, sadly, great guy, just a great guy and, and knew him to some degree, did a pilot with him a long time ago and spent a little time with him and everyone who, and this is if there's any reason just to be a decent human being, it's look at John, in case you go, John, I mean, people, the whole, the entire cast is bawling their eyes out. They can barely talk about it. Everyone from the hair people to the camera people, to any, to the lowest person on the totem pole on that set is like in love with the guy. And then there's guys like me who've, it just, I did a pilot with him a long time ago. I see him, I saw him once in a while, had nothing.

42:32 Drew I thought you mean there were guys like you who would say, oh, he's a prick.

42:35 Adam I would say, I would say that.

42:37 Drew No, no, they would say that about you.

42:39 Adam Oh, yes, they would say that about me. People know I love them even if I can't stand them. I'm just saying this is all the reason you need is just look at the outpouring of emotion for a guy like John Ritter because he was a good guy. And believe me, if an a-hole went, the rest of the cast wouldn't be happy to see him go. But believe me, when they were interviewing the crew and the hairstyles and stuff, they would be weeping.

43:07 Drew Follow your logic, Adam. So when he's up in the heavens and looking down, you can take in and appreciate what his legacy is, what he's left behind.

43:15 Adam That's right.

43:16 Wilmer Valderrama I actually did Clifford, the big red dog in the movie. He was the voice of Clifford. And I was, I think that was his last animated feature. Because he was in Clifford for a long time. And I think that comes out in like 04. It would be interesting. It's really sad. I mean, that was a great show. It was an amazing ensemble, you know, and he was such a fundamental part of it.

43:40 Adam And he was just so beloved. Everyone just loved that guy. And look, I hang around with enough a-holes where they'll say, look, it's too bad the guy's gone, but he was no angel. I think no one has anything bad to say about the guy. Daisy? You're 23? You're bi? And you're married? Is your husband bi?

44:03 Caller Um, I don't know, he, yeah, he is.

44:08 Adam He likes guys on occasion?

44:10 Caller On occasion.

44:12 Drew So now that you're married, you're heterosexual because when you're married, you don't keep having other relations.

44:18 Caller Most people don't.

44:21 Caller But you do?

44:22 Caller Yeah.

44:22 Drew Healthy people don't.

44:24 Adam Do you guys have any kids?

44:26 Caller No.

44:26 Caller Okay, good.

44:27 Caller No, no, no.

44:28 Adam Don't have any kids?

44:29 Caller We won't.

44:30 Adam Good.

44:31 Drew Good. All right.

44:32 Caller Not for a long time. Yeah.

44:34 Drew Not forever.

44:36 Caller No.

44:38 Drew No, Daisy. Well, then you better cull your crap out.

44:40 Caller Yeah, I know.

44:43 Adam Fine. In the meantime, you get a lap dog.

44:46 Caller Yeah. I've got about four of them.

44:49 Adam Oh, really? What kind?

44:50 Caller Wine rhiners.

44:51 Adam Oh, my God.

44:52 What a horrible dog.

44:55 Adam I know some of them have them on their socks.

44:58 They're like.

44:58 Drew German guard dogs.

44:59 Caller I know.

45:00 Adam They they they hop from one thing. The real the the real oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the gray with the short hairs and four of them.

45:11 Wilmer Valderrama Beautiful.

45:12 Caller All right.

45:13 Adam Anyway, your husband's not trying to hump them, too, is he? There's their next on this list.

45:19 Caller Watch those dogs.

45:22 Adam OK, so you want to what do you and your husband want to start swinging? You want to get a woman in the bedroom with you, too?

45:28 Caller Right. Well, that's what we want.

45:31 Adam What about a dude? I thought your husband was bi.

45:34 Caller No.

45:38 Adam This is great, though, by the way. You do this like you marry this chick. She's buying. You're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm bi, too. What's Connie doing Friday? Don't you want a dude? Yeah, no, don't worry about me. We'll get around to that. I just had some I had some dork. I just I chugged a little Johnson at work. I'm good. I'm good. But Connie, Connie, we got to get her out to the house.

46:02 Drew I'm thinking of you, baby, and not just one night, but you want a relationship with it. You got to keep her for a while.

46:06 Adam Yeah. I'm just going to load up the beta cam and set the tripod up so we can get a shot of back of my nuts. It's going to be great. I'm thinking of you. You want a woman, right, Daisy?

46:19 Drew Magically, he does, too.

46:20 Adam And your husband wants. And now, what if he gets involved? Does he get to participate? Does he get to have sex with her?

46:27 Caller Yeah, we've done it before.

46:28 Adam Where he has intercourse.

46:30 Caller Yeah. I like to watch. You like to watch.

46:33 Adam You like to watch.

46:34 Drew Oh, boy.

46:34 Caller All right. Yeah, you're freaky.

46:36 Drew It's more than freaky.

46:37 Adam Hold on a second there, freaky.

46:39 Drew That's disturbed.

46:41 Adam Thinking about taking one of those dogs away, too. Yeah. All right. Well, and believe me, as a society, more people would be outraged if she has four dogs than if she had five kids.

46:52 Drew Yes.

46:52 Adam I'm telling you. That's the beauty. Well, I want to get back with Daisy because...

46:56 Drew And there will be more rules about that, too, by the way.

46:58 Adam Oh, yes. There are... No, she could not own a llama. She could have 35 kids, but one llama? Not zoned. Wilmer Valderrama, guest tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll get back with the bisexual Daisy after this.

47:12 Caller Alright guys, here's the deal.

47:14 Caller Look in the hookup, call the Dateline.

47:15 Caller Stick a waist in time with the wrong person, call the Dateline.

47:18 One call is all you need to make.

47:20 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:21 Caller 1-877-889-DATE. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.

48:02 Adam That's Dr. Drew, Wilmer Buildorama, our guest tonight. Party Monster, name of his new movie, getting very good reviews and doing very well in the cities that it's out in, Los Angeles, Chicago, New York this week in Florida. And you guys go out and support it, and it'll get a wide release.

48:22 Drew Speaking of that, I need a little support from the little Loveline listeners on my book, Cracked. I need you guys to get out there and go buy that book. It's a good book. It's an easy read. It's an interesting book. It's about human beings through the prism of what I do in my day-in-day-out life. And Loveline listeners have not been that well represented in the book-buying world there.

48:40 Adam I'm shocked.

48:41 Drew I want to see them show some support.

48:42 Adam And listen, you snot-nosed teens, this show doesn't cost you a penny, understand? You sit around and listen to my pearls of wisdom. I guide you through the dark and murky waters of your life every night. Drew's over here busting his hump with all his medical degrees and whatnot. We're driving halfway across the town just to talk to you and it's free. It's all free. Now how about I'll ask something for Dr. Drew? The world is your oyster. Because that's all the world is.

49:07 Drew Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

49:09 Adam That was free.

49:12 Drew Wherever, it's wide-release, so please go out and take a look at it.

49:16 Adam And let me say this. Drew has three kids all in private school. Do you understand what that costs?

49:20 Drew Unfortunately, this will not reflect.

49:22 Adam He had to pay the gas guzzling tax on his car. I mean, and the luxury tax.

49:28 Drew It reflected in money.

49:29 Adam The point is, the guy's got a nut to make. You understand? A lot of you guys living at home, living off the fat of the land.

49:35 Drew How can they help me with that? Drew's got overhead.

49:38 Adam How can they help me with that? How can they help me with that?

49:40 Drew How can they help me with that?

49:42 Caller Drew, I don't read, but I read your book, too.

49:43 Adam Do you like it?

49:44 Caller Yes.

49:46 Adam I've heard the same from the people who have read it. All right.

49:49 Drew It does include Adam Lakers.

49:51 Adam I'm going to get around to it. I know it's good. I don't need to read it.

49:54 Drew Thank you. Thank you. I think that was a compliment. I think.

49:57 Adam Daisy?

49:58 Drew I don't want our listeners thinking that way.

50:00 Adam No. You guys go get that book.

50:02 Wilmer Valderrama I got three.

50:03 Adam Yep. That's right.

50:04 Wilmer Valderrama And I bought my co-stars one each.

50:06 Adam Paid retail for all of them, too.

50:09 Wilmer Valderrama I left a tip to the book people.

50:12 Drew Can I give it to you to give it to the cast?

50:13 Adam All right. Drew, stop talking to people off the air.

50:16 Drew They could have thought I was talking to Wilmer.

50:18 Adam Can I?

50:20 Caller All right. All right.

50:21 Adam All right.

50:21 Wilmer Valderrama But then I will definitely do that.

50:23 Adam See, there you go. OK, we're good.

50:24 Caller Daisy.

50:26 Adam OK, so you're 23. You're bi. Your boyfriend is bi. I mean, your husband.

50:33 Caller OK with me being OK.

50:35 Adam He's OK with you being bi.

50:37 Drew As we as we pointed out, the opening of your call last hour, right? And he's encouraging your action.

50:42 Adam Right. And now he wants to get and you know, this is mostly his idea. He wants to get a girl to be almost a full time girlfriend for both of you. Right.

50:54 Caller It's my idea.

50:56 Adam It's your idea.

50:57 Caller Right.

50:58 Adam But you were saying last break that it was kind of more his idea.

51:01 Caller Well, I don't know. It's both of our ideas.

51:07 Adam Spice it up. Spice it up. Yep. Just to say if you just pull the top off a salt shaker and just dump the entire thing into an island.

51:15 Drew Spicier.

51:16 Adam Spices that right up. That's right.

51:18 Drew Daisy, how did you feel last time you guys did this?

51:21 Caller Um, how did I feel?

51:22 Drew Yeah, I didn't. Well, yeah, I realize that's a tough question for you.

51:25 Caller Did you enjoy it?

51:26 Drew Did you like seeing your husband bang another girl?

51:29 Adam Yeah, your husband having sex. Oh, I don't.

51:32 Caller I like it. You like it. All right.

51:35 Drew Now, were you, what did you witness? Your parents having sex or something when you were a kid?

51:38 Caller I don't know. My son's cutting out.

51:42 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

51:44 Caller Yeah.

51:44 Drew And how old were you when that started?

51:47 Caller Actually, my cousin kind of did it to me a little bit.

51:51 Drew Did you have to watch other people having sex too?

51:54 Caller Uh-uh. No. Okay. I was really young, like eight.

52:00 Adam Well, you're over that.

52:01 Caller Yeah.

52:03 Drew The point is you're not dating. It screws with your brain.

52:05 Adam Do whatever you want. It's going to screw. You're just acting out your neuroses. It was caused by your cousin. And I'm sorry I did that, but this is not the answer. But if you want to do it, go ahead and do it. We can't stop you. Don't have any kids.

52:17 Caller We won't.

52:18 Drew We're using for birth control.

52:20 Caller We're using good birth control.

52:23 Drew What?

52:24 Caller Well, I'm not using anything, but...

52:26 Drew Oh, that's good. That's good birth control. No, that's good. Okay. That's not good birth control.

52:32 Caller Well, I know, but I can't be on anything right now because... I want something for bipolar. And the doctor doesn't... he doesn't think it would be a good idea.

52:44 Adam But if he heard you say, uh-uh a thousand times, he probably would think it was a good idea.

52:51 Drew How about slapping a condom on your boyfriend or your husband?

52:54 Caller Yeah, we could probably try that.

52:57 Drew Keep the morning after pill around in case the condom doesn't...

53:00 Adam Can you do that, Daisy? We just want you not to have any kids. Please no kids.

53:04 Caller We don't have any kids.

53:05 Adam No kids.

53:06 Drew You couldn't take your bipolar meds if you're pregnant, too. Right, so you can't get pregnant.

53:11 Adam Okay.

53:12 Drew And revisit with your daughter or your doctor whether or not you perhaps ought to be on birth control pill. I suspect you misunderstood what he said.

53:21 Adam She's just a free thinker. That's all. Yeah. Look, everybody, her cousin molested her and that's why she's the way she is. She's a victim. And her husband's probably a victimizer, but who cares? Look, here's my whole thing. It's like do whatever you do, whatever you want until you start having kids. And then then when you start having kids, you end up unleashing your neuroses on society via the kid who has to leave the confines of your trailer and go out into society.

53:54 Drew All you got to ask with my kid to understand that clearly, all you have to do is hear the story of Daisy's mom and her sexual abuse to understand how this Daisy chain continues.

54:06 Caller Oh, Touche.

54:07 Wilmer Valderrama What a twist.

54:08 Caller Harlett?

54:09 Caller Yes. Thanks for taking my call.

54:11 Adam Hold on. Your name is Harlett?

54:13 Caller No, it's not my young name, but I like it and I think it suits me well, so.

54:17 Drew She's from North Hollywood. I mean, anyway, name Harlett from North Hollywood.

54:20 Caller I like that name.

54:22 Drew Do you know what Harlett means?

54:24 Caller Prostitute.

54:27 Drew It's in North Hollywood High.

54:28 Adam Is it prostitute or is it a sort of home wrecker?

54:33 Caller It's an old time prostitute. It's like the 20th, 20th from the 1920s, no, 1820s, yeah.

54:39 Adam How about you go with strumpet?

54:42 Drew That sounds like a breakfast, like a muffin.

54:46 Adam I'm saving room for my Denver.

54:48 Caller Can I have some butter for the strumpet, please?

54:51 Caller All right there, Harlett.

54:56 Drew But where do you go to high school?

54:58 Caller Polytechnic. I know.

55:02 Adam Sun Valley, baby. That was my home field when I played for the Sun Valley Falcons.

55:09 Caller What a cesspool that place is.

55:11 Drew Is that true?

55:12 Adam It's worse than North Hollywood.

55:14 Caller Well, I live in North Hollywood, but the school is in Sun Valley.

55:18 Drew Oh, oh, yeah, she seems reasonably intelligent.

55:23 Caller She's a parrot.

55:24 Adam Their mascot is a parrot.

55:26 Caller Yeah, I know.

55:27 Drew What's it say?

55:28 Adam They couldn't even get a decent wolf or anything. They got to get a parrot. How much is a decent mascot these days? Your self-esteem is so bad as a high school that you actually get a bird that does this crap on your shoulder.

55:41 Drew What's his name? That's going to be funnier.

55:42 Adam It's Polly. It's like Polly won a cracker kind of parrot. But here's the good thing about the good thing about mascots is they make them bad ass. It's like a buff parrot. Its chest all poked down. It's got a mean look on its face.

55:55 Drew With his head down.

55:56 Adam His head's leaning down.

55:57 Caller Yeah.

55:58 Adam It's a mean parrot.

55:59 Drew Wheels for legs.

56:01 Caller Oh, shut up.

56:03 Adam So anyway, you got a question for Wilmer?

56:06 Caller Yeah. Wilmer, how was it like working with Marilyn Manson on Party Monster?

56:11 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, you know, working with him was was definitely an educational experience because that guy is, he's definitely a great businessman, you know. I think I think he knows exactly what he's doing, you know, and and, you know, he just he has it going on, you know, I mean, he were talking to him was was unusually normal. That was great to see, you know, he's a smart guy and I think a lot of people are aware of that.

56:36 Caller Yeah, because everybody expects him to be like really wild and he's pretty mellow.

56:42 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, he's, you know, to be honest, you know, he's very professional, you know, he knows exactly what he wants to do, you know, and he knows how to do it.

56:51 Drew Which is what? What's his big picture?

56:53 Wilmer Valderrama Well, to be honest, I mean, he's he's made a huge mark in this industry by doing things that, you know, obviously, people don't really expect from him, you know what I mean? And I don't think necessarily he's 100% like that.

57:06 Adam I think he's, no, he's like a performance artist that's conducting, I know him, he's like conducting an experiment on society and pulling our strings and getting us to react and selling product. Harlett? Yeah.

57:21 Caller All right. All right.

57:22 Adam So I'm worried about you. You're into Marilyn Manson. You call yourself Harlett and worst of all, you go to Prolly.

57:29 Caller I see myself becoming a prostitute.

57:33 Adam Well, listen, you got to have goals.

57:35 Caller Yeah.

57:35 Adam You got to have goals. This is my goal. I remember I wanted to be, I wanted to get into carpet cleaning when I was your age.

57:40 Drew Well, if you heard that last call, Daisy, the things that seemed fun and interesting to her are the result of serious trauma in her past. And if being a prostitute sounds and feels like a good thing to do.

57:50 Caller I wasn't arrested or anything. It's just, I'm fascinated. Like, one time I saw this documentary on the Moonlight Bunny Rancher Summit, something like that. And I just like want to go there for some reason. I don't know why.

58:01 Caller All right. All right.

58:02 Adam And again, she's just going to Pollitt where they actually, she can major in prostitution. Getting kids ready for a realistic preparation, they call it. Not everyone goes to college, Drew. What are your main cross streets you live by, Harlett?

58:17 Caller Loewen Canyon and Stag.

58:19 Adam Stag is a small street. Main cross streets.

58:23 Caller Loewen Canyon.

58:25 Drew And? Cross streets.

58:28 Adam Streets.

58:32 Drew The next big intersection. Roscoe. Roscoe.

58:37 Adam Roscoe.

58:38 Caller All right, baby doll. All right.

58:40 Adam Well, if you fit right in.

58:44 Drew Isn't that where your strip bars are that you stand on?

58:47 Adam You got to get out of there.

58:48 Drew Isn't that?

58:49 Adam Not Laurel and I'm more of a Lankersham guy.

58:51 Drew Oh, okay. That's right.

58:52 Caller I'm a Stargardt. All right, baby doll.

58:54 Adam Don't be a prostitute.

58:56 Caller Okay.

58:57 Adam Are you a big gal?

58:58 Caller No. Well, I don't think so. I'm 5'9, and I'm 145, I think.

59:06 Adam Let me do the radio math. 5'9, 145. I got 5'7, and 3'16, 158. What are you doing, Drew? You got to go to the bathroom? I don't exercise during the show, I worry about her, wants to be a prostitute. Of course. And living on Laurel and Roscoe, oh, Christ. One summer I killed myself in that air, one stomach.

59:37 Drew I was looking for a bank on Lancashire, and I came across one of your street places, like a circus front or something to it, is it?

59:46 Adam Where? What street were you on?

59:47 Drew Lancashire?

59:48 Adam Yes, Star Garden.

59:49 Drew Is this Star Garden?

59:57 Adam Yeah, people with boners like Bright Colors. They've tested this.

1:00:01 Drew They're like lemurs.

1:00:02 Adam They're like bees.

1:00:03 Drew Yes.

1:00:03 Adam Yeah, that's what they're looking for.

1:00:04 Caller All right.

1:00:06 Adam Amy?

1:00:07 Caller Oh, my God. Oh, my God. There last night. He said he had a gut feeling that this relationship wasn't right, and he just wanted to be friends, maybe see other people or something. And actually, I slept with him the second day I knew him, and maybe that was the problem.

1:00:32 Adam Well, how long ago was that?

1:00:34 Caller That was, well, we were going out for a month. It would be our one month anniversary.

1:00:41 Adam No, no, you weren't going out. You just were.

1:00:42 Caller Yeah, no, we were.

1:00:43 Drew You were friends with that.

1:00:45 Adam You thought you were dating. He was humping with dinner before it.

1:00:50 Caller Dinner after, actually.

1:00:51 Drew Yeah, that's even better.

1:00:53 Adam It was basically, he had to shell out 18 bucks for dinner so he could. No, not for his guilt, so he could do it.

1:00:59 Drew No, they humped before dinner, she said.

1:01:01 Adam I know, but you can't just get.

1:01:03 Caller We went to the coffee shop and then we saw each other the next day at the beach and then we saw each other again later that day.

1:01:09 Drew Yeah, listen, Amy, Amy, this guy, this was not a dating relationship. This was just a...

1:01:14 Caller No, well, I kind of thought it was and I was ready at this point in my life for a boyfriend. He wasn't ready to be one, apparently, so...

1:01:21 Caller Right, right, right.

1:01:22 Wilmer Valderrama What was the reason? What was the reason to...

1:01:24 Caller Five months in between going out and like looking for action.

1:01:28 Drew What?

1:01:29 Caller So I was ready to do that, but I went to a meeting at a bar that sounds kind of weird.

1:01:35 Drew Hold on. A meeting at a bar?

1:01:36 Adam You want to wait five months before going out and looking for action?

1:01:39 Drew I didn't follow her at all.

1:01:41 Adam Let's get her back. I'll try to... Basically, let me explain what our callers are like. It's like when you're a kid and you're playing with slide cars, you go a little too fast around the corner and spins off the track and rolls under the sofa. I got to go get them and get them back onto the track every once in a while. Make sure you clean the brushes and then get them going and take it slow again. Amy? And once while the cat just pounces on them.

1:02:04 That's the best part about slide cars.

1:02:06 Adam That's where our cat would just freak on her. So Amy. So it would have been your one month anniversary today.

1:02:15 Caller Yes.

1:02:16 Adam But but he broke up with you.

1:02:17 Drew He does he doesn't want to be a boyfriend.

1:02:21 Caller But he left it open.

1:02:25 Adam He's going to call you.

1:02:26 Wilmer Valderrama He's going to call you at midnight or one in the morning.

1:02:29 Adam What's that?

1:02:32 Caller Yeah.

1:02:32 Drew That was on that day.

1:02:33 Caller That was.

1:02:35 Adam He beat off 10 minutes before he made a phone call.

1:02:37 Wilmer Valderrama This is what's going to happen. He's going to be laying down. He's going to look through his phone book and his little cell phone is going to be like, oh, open invitation.

1:02:45 Caller To the next part of my question, I actually, I went to a Democratic Party meeting that was located at a bar tonight and I show up and nobody's there. So I got to talking with this guy at the bar and we exchanged numbers. So I kind of wanted your advice on how to take this new relationship slowly so that I don't mess it up again.

1:03:04 Drew You didn't mess the other one up by going too fast.

1:03:06 Adam You didn't. You didn't.

1:03:08 Drew Because he was just not into it.

1:03:09 Adam And secondly, don't refer to this one as a new relationship. Just yet. So here's the thing, Amy. There's some good guys out there, but there are also a lot of bad guys.

1:03:24 Drew And a lot of good guys are going through a bad time in their life. And there's bad times. There's not ready for a relationship.

1:03:28 Adam Drew's defending his past indiscretions. Multiple past indiscretions. And if you're dealing with 23-year-old guys, you live in San Diego, live in Southern California and in beach cities. If you take your average 25-year-old guy, he's just going to do as much as he can do for as long as he can do it. Sometime about six, seven years from now, he'll either knock somebody up and get married to him or just settle down and get married. You may be one of the many that's in between him and that final destination known as marriage or settling down. So you got to find a guy who's on the same page as you.

1:04:03 Drew You know, it's really like we need to renew courtship rituals of some type for women. So some procedure where she could sit down and meet a guy a few times, talk with him, have meals with him, but not go right, have sex with him, not hook up, not get joined to the hip. Just sort of hang out and figure out, I want this guy, I want to hook up with this guy.

1:04:20 Adam Here's what the courtship ritual is in place for. Now that it's gone, women are confused because here's the thing.

1:04:26 Drew It's an assessment process.

1:04:28 Adam If you meet a guy at a bar, a club, the beach, wherever you park, wherever you meet him, he would gladly have sex with you that afternoon, that day, that evening. He would do it. If you let him do it, he would do it.

1:04:40 Drew Now listen, women first of all don't believe that. They don't believe that.

1:04:43 Adam Well believe it. If he's attracted to you. Now if you then go have sex with him that afternoon or the following day and you get going, now you're confused because you think you're dating and having a relationship, he thinks he's getting lucky. Now, he may be into you, but we don't know because there's no courtship which usually separates the wheat from the chaff. Now this same guy, if he just wants to have sex with you and he's not that into you, wouldn't last the courtship ritual of three or four or five dates, ten dates, whatever it is.

1:05:21 Drew Or the girl might just say, I'll hook up with this guy. I'm kind of been lonely. I'll hook up with him. And that's that and have made that decision to do that themselves.

1:05:28 Adam So here's the moral of the story is, is ladies, if you meet a guy and he's a foreign foreign exchange student from Venezuela and he's backpacking through Southern California and you know it's just going to be a one night thing and he's cute and you want to have sex with him, so be it. But if you're looking for a boyfriend, understand that there has to be a little ritual, a little compulsory part of the dating in order to find out where you stand.

1:05:54 Drew Before you hook up, it would be in your best interest to have a couple of meals, a couple of something, you know what I mean? Who is this person? How will that feel? And then hook up fine.

1:06:03 Adam What I'll do with my ladies back before I was a single man is I would say, I understand you don't want to sleep with a guy after going out to dinner one time. I would shove 13, 14 dinners into one evening. I would actually order 40 or 50 entrees and it's like just take a bite, take a bite out of the lasagna, take it off out of the beef stroganoff there. OK, you tell all your friends when they say, how long is it? Oh, we must have had 15, 20 meals before we actually climbed into bed. That's my plan, Drew. All right, we got to take ourselves a little bit of a break. We'll do it on time for a change. Wilmer Valderrama here tonight, Party Monster, name of his movie. We'll be right back after this. It's Love Line, man. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1.

1:07:20 Drew We're going to ask a question I need to talk to her about.

1:07:23 Adam You talk to her during the break, buddy.

1:07:25 Drew The answer is going to come from her.

1:07:27 Adam Oh, really? No, during the break it'll come from her. Wilmer Valderrama, Wilbur, I'm sorry. Valderrama here tonight, by the way. Party Monster, name of his movie. And, uh, Will?

1:07:40 Caller Yeah.

1:07:41 Adam You got a question?

1:07:43 Caller Yeah, my question is for Dr. Drew. I was wondering if we could send a copy of Crack to K-Rock to have it signed like we did with Dr. Drew and Adam's book.

1:07:51 Drew By all means. I don't know where you'd send them though because, here comes Lawrence.

1:07:55 Adam I'm not going to give it out over the air. Come on.

1:07:57 Drew Where do they, if they want to send the book in for me to sign, what address should they send it to?

1:08:01 To 5901 Venice Boulevard, Los Angeles, California 90034.

1:08:11 Drew 5901 Venice. Attention level. I'll send it with a self-addressed stamp down below and we'll send it right back to you.

1:08:22 Caller Thank you very much.

1:08:23 Adam Did you get that down?

1:08:25 Drew Did you read the book?

1:08:27 Caller I've ordered it but it hasn't come from Amazon yet.

1:08:30 Adam They're good times. Listen, you pimp. We should have just done that, you know, turn to break, off the air. You talk to them off the air.

1:08:37 Drew They put it up there.

1:08:38 Adam No, I mean, you can talk to them on the air.

1:08:41 And then we put them on hold.

1:08:42 Drew I see.

1:08:42 Adam They don't bore the people in the other 80 markets who don't give a rat's ass. Unacceptable. Drew, boy, never stops pimpin. 107 minutes. Thank you. Brian? Oh, he's asleep. Alright, let's see if we can hear him sleeping. Haven't had a good snore on the phone in a while. No. Yeah, he's been on hold for over an hour and a half. Actually, he's coming on to two hours.

1:09:15 Drew Ooh, can I hear something there?

1:09:18 Adam Well, just out of courtesy to Brian, he's been on hold for almost two hours. Let's answer his question.

1:09:24 Drew It feels like his right nut is being poked by a needle.

1:09:28 Adam Sometimes if you don't take the tag off your underpants.

1:09:31 Drew That can make a poke like a needle feeling, yeah.

1:09:34 Adam And by the way, is that the world's greatest idea, having dress shirts with 75 pins that must carefully be removed from them? And then if you miss one of them, you're walking around and you jump back in the back of your car, and if a pin drives through your rib cage, you can't figure out a way to fold, sell, and or transport dress shirts without several thousand pins in them.

1:09:57 Wilmer Valderrama And they're always in the most awkward places, man, like the back, the armpit. Yeah, it's just like the most, you don't even expect it.

1:10:04 Drew Then they end up on your bathroom floor and you step on them.

1:10:06 Wilmer Valderrama Yes, yeah.

1:10:07 Adam Are we trying to get rid of pins? Don't we need pins? Don't they cost something?

1:10:12 Wilmer Valderrama Then they recycle in them.

1:10:14 Adam And then here's always the weirdest one is, and then you take the, this is only for like dress shirts, but you take the thing apart. But first off, I've walked around with the piece of cardboard in the column for months. Like I didn't get to that. Yeah.

1:10:27 Wilmer Valderrama I thought you were supposed to leave that in there.

1:10:28 Adam I was a little on the fence about that myself, but a cardboard in there sometimes there's Here's what we do too much of in this country. We stuff stuff in stuff way too much. Like you know, you try on a pair of shoes, you're like, yeah, these things feel tight. And then you realize there's that, that paper that's been shoved in the front tone. You've got to dig it out with your fingernails. Everything that's packed comes with like a, now everything comes with those little salt packets, you know, that to keep the moisture out of everything. You got it. Everything's like seven layers. Even it's just clothing, a shirt, it'll have the cardboard in the collar, have all the pins. Then it has like the tissue paper that's inside the sleeve and on top of the things like socks.

1:11:08 Drew They put the, what is that in there?

1:11:09 Adam Socks. They got a little cardboard thing with the staple thing. And then there's a little sock hanger on the thing that looks like a weird cane. And then, and then you got to pull them apart. I do more damage unpacking a shirt than I do in five years of wearing it. What is that? Is there some sort of strong like shirt packing union or something like?

1:11:27 Wilmer Valderrama And by the way, the socks, I mean, they stretch, you put them on your feet and that's, you're done.

1:11:33 Adam I don't know why I have to get out gardening shears to get the socks apart. Let's just ball them up like you do when you take them out of the laundry. Drew, I got to look into this. I am looking in, mark my words.

1:11:45 Drew There's a conspiracy here. I know it.

1:11:46 Wilmer Valderrama I think the shirts will be cheaper and the socks will be cheaper if you don't have to do all the pins and everything.

1:11:51 Adam Once in a while too, you want to try a shirt on and then so it's like 40 minutes of unpacking at the store. You got to get it out of the cellophane, they're pulling all the tissue paper and the cardboard out and all the pins and then by then you get the thing undone and if you don't buy it, you feel like the world's biggest asshole because it's going to take a team of midgets six months to put that back together again and it'll never go back the way it was. It could never go back. It's like a car that got totaled, it could never be right.

1:12:19 Drew And those shirts enter some sort of purgatory. You never see them again. Have you ever tried on a shirt where you didn't have to unfold it like that? What happened to those shirts once you opened them?

1:12:30 Adam You'll buy them, I'll buy them and I'll just leave them in the thing and then if there's a night where you have to wear it's like I got the wedding tomorrow night. I'm going to start unpacking the shirt tonight because it's going to take just 17, 18 hours of careful dissection to get this thing. It's really it's like dismantling a bomb, disarming it, yeah it's very very slowly. All right, where are we? Who got me going on that shirt thing? Marissa? Yeah, thank you. You're 16. What's up?

1:13:07 Drew Or do you lose your urine? You pee all over the place? All right, now let's get clear here. You stop the orgasm so you don't lose your urine?

1:13:21 Caller Yeah.

1:13:22 Drew But if you were to orgasm you might lose your urine?

1:13:25 Caller Yeah.

1:13:26 Drew Okay, some women just do that. That's okay.

1:13:29 Adam I got more apparel talk. I'm getting angry now. I think there needs to be certain rules for certain pieces of clothing. For instance, yesterday I was wearing a short sleeve, button up, sort of loose fitting summer kind of shirt that 95 to 98 percent of the time has the breast pocket.

1:13:50 Drew Oh yes.

1:13:50 Adam Yeah, but those shirts always come with a breast pocket but not the one I was wearing. They left that pocket off. But the entire day I was pulling my sunglasses off and sliding them down my chest. I was dropping pins and I was using this imaginary pocket that I somehow through muscle memory had trained my body into thinking, well, I feel the short sleeves, it's button up, a collar and that's my body just kept. I like refuse to acknowledge that there wasn't a pocket and then I started getting angry. Whoever made the shirt with you, you got to put a pocket on this kind of shirt. That's it.

1:14:22 Drew Did you have to open up a bunch of pins to get the shirt on first?

1:14:25 Adam No, that was I went through that process years ago with this shirt. Thankfully, I wear my clothes out, but the point is there are certain things that they should just be there. If you're going to do a short sleeve summer shirt that's button up, you got to have a pocket on the chest.

1:14:38 Drew You know, the last few months of speaking with you and conversing on the show, Adam, I'm realizing we need to have some sort of Geneva Convention on life. Multiple things for the Corolla.

1:14:47 Adam I'll tell you the other thing I'm getting fired up about too involving apparel. Can somebody make a pair of sweatpants that has a back pocket with a little flap on it and a little piece of velcro that goes over it?

1:15:03 Drew Nike makes a zippered back pocket.

1:15:04 Adam I have been trouble finding those. I've found, I've been taken, like everyone else, to wearing sweatpants these days because it's easier and it's fashionable and it's whatever.

1:15:14 Drew The dry fit pants.

1:15:15 Adam I put the sweatpants on. I got the wallet. I got the phone. I got the keys. I got the whole thing in the pants pocket. I jump into the car. As soon as I jump in the car and put my knees up on the floorboard, everything in the pocket slides out into that weird no man's land in between the edge of your car and the edge of the seat. That little weird gutter pocket there. I brought millions, like an old Spanish sailing ship that went down. Millions of blooms in there. God knows I could retire if I could get whatever was stuffed in there. And everything is slick now. I'm looking at my cell phone. It's liquid mercury.

1:16:01 Caller It's smooth.

1:16:02 Adam There's not a ridge on it. I mean, look at it. You can barely hold it. It's like trying to pull a trout out of a tank. Now you put this thing in your pocket, you put your wallet in your pocket. Yeah, other stuff too, like I got one of those iPods, one of those Macintosh iPods. Not a bump, not a handle, not a ridge on it. You put that kind of stuff in your sweatpants, you start walking around, you sit in the car, you explode. Just everything comes sliding out, sliding all over the place. And then now, here's where the real trouble starts. You don't know all the stuff slid out. Now you're running late, it's at night, you pop the car door open, you jump out of the car. Now your wallet, iPod, cell phone, personal computer, it's all in a big pile by the side of your door in the parking lot. You slam the door and you go in and then hours later you're at the restaurant, you're feeling your pocket, everything slides out everywhere. Can we, who do we sue? I don't want stuff to be so slick. I want something to have a little edge, a little grid, a little grab to it. Does everything have to be, you know, have no drag coefficients, it all going to be made out of like space age polymers. Look at this phone, Drew.

1:17:04 Drew I'm looking.

1:17:05 There's nothing on it.

1:17:06 Adam You can't hold it.

1:17:07 Drew It's like a trowel, you're right.

1:17:08 Adam Okay, don't throw it now. All right, I just want some of the little grip tape on it. Some of the little red.

1:17:15 Wilmer Valderrama I think to be honest in those pockets are just for the look, for the look that you have pockets. I don't think they're meant for anything.

1:17:20 Drew So put your hands in when it's cold in the wintertime and you're jogging.

1:17:22 Adam I am this close to getting a fanny pack.

1:17:25 I hate to say, I hate to say it, no, I don't want to do it, I don't want to do it.

1:17:31 Caller I don't want to do it.

1:17:32 Drew Years of ridicule.

1:17:34 Adam I don't want to wear a fanny pack, but I'm this close, I'm this close.

1:17:38 Drew I think it's cool. It's cool. It'll be great. It'll be great.

1:17:42 Adam Should I get a leather one?

1:17:43 Drew Leather one.

1:17:44 Wilmer Valderrama And you know what? When I went to Miami, it was really hip. Along with Speedos. Both at the same time.

1:17:50 Adam Speedo?

1:17:51 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah.

1:17:52 Adam Speedo fanny pack combo.

1:17:54 Drew Thank you.

1:17:56 Wilmer Valderrama Very Euro.

1:17:57 Drew Very Euro.

1:17:58 Adam Fong back, or just standard Speedos?

1:18:01 Wilmer Valderrama No, no, no, standard. Or if you want to have a belt with the Speedo, like a little Prada, a little something like that.

1:18:10 Adam And on the feet? Espadrilles? Or what? Like thongs?

1:18:14 Wilmer Valderrama No, toe rings.

1:18:14 Adam Toe rings?

1:18:15 Wilmer Valderrama Toe rings.

1:18:16 Adam Now see, here's some good advice. Wilmers is young. He knows the demographic.

1:18:21 Caller I know what's hip.

1:18:24 Drew They won't be able to appreciate the fashion statement if it goes around your fanny because...

1:18:29 Adam I'll shave.

1:18:31 Drew Get lost.

1:18:32 Adam Alright, so I'm going with the Speedo and the fanny pack tomorrow. Alright, and Tore. Alright, see? We do learn something from a guest every once in a while. Mark? You're 23?

1:18:45 Caller Yeah, I think you just need to get a backpack.

1:18:48 Adam You know, I'm 39. Well, you put your money where your mouth is.

1:18:55 Caller If you're buying a cell phone or the slick products, you get what you deserve.

1:18:58 Adam I don't like those backpack guys, though. No, look, everything is slick now. You have no choice.

1:19:04 Caller Well, alright. Anyway, I've always had lots of questions I want to ask you guys, but I guess I have to pick one.

1:19:11 Adam Yes.

1:19:12 Drew No, let's just stay with Mark's rest of the evening.

1:19:14 Caller Well, one of them is about herpes. A couple years ago, I didn't know that I had oral herpes. And I, my girlfriend at the time, all of a sudden had genital herpes and it was a big deal. And I was wondering, you know, what are the chances of that ever happening again?

1:19:35 Drew Are you giving it to somebody else?

1:19:38 Caller Yeah, I generally don't do that at all. I will not go down on somebody because it was a pretty terrible experience.

1:19:44 Drew You're afraid of giving it.

1:19:45 Caller Yeah, and I tell girls, I let anybody I know, who I'm involved with, I'm honest about it.

1:19:50 Drew It's very hard to predict. There's no way anybody can give you an exact risk except to tell you that it's possible. And if you don't have symptoms, it's still possible. If you have symptoms, it's very likely.

1:20:00 Adam Are you having outbreaks?

1:20:02 Caller No, well, like once a year maybe. And only when I get sick, if that ever happens.

1:20:08 Caller I mean, very rarely.

1:20:10 Adam Alright, well, it doesn't seem likely, but you're straightforward with everybody. Okay, so speedo and leather fanny pack?

1:20:17 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, you might want to go with the... you want to match the speedo with your pack.

1:20:26 Adam Oh, monopromatic they call it. So suede speedo or like a leather speedo, like a black leather speedo?

1:20:31 Wilmer Valderrama I would go suede because it's...

1:20:33 Drew The suede suede so you can get it wet.

1:20:36 Adam I'm writing this down. And you say canary yellow with the speedo?

1:20:42 Wilmer Valderrama That's really cute.

1:20:42 Adam Okay. You see, Drew? I'm going to focus on that. That's just an awesome look right there.

1:20:53 Drew Imagine that.

1:20:54 Adam Now full t-shirt or cut off?

1:20:56 Wilmer Valderrama Now see, this is where it gets tricky. It was really, really tricky. Normally I would say shirtless because that's really in right now. Especially if you have a hairy chest.

1:21:08 Adam Hold on, slow down, slow down.

1:21:09 Caller Shirtless? Okay, shirtless.

1:21:13 Adam Or, could I go with a cut off t-shirt if it's a hot day and I don't want to get too much sun on my shoulders?

1:21:19 Wilmer Valderrama Only if you're okay with a two-tone tan on your chest. Right on top.

1:21:24 Adam Alright, and we're going to talk accessories when we come back. I know he's going to like my large Italian horn idea. Because that's always a nice look. And my red, white, and blue sweatband wristband combination. Which is a good look. Have you seen that?

1:21:43 Drew I've seen that big gold bracelet.

1:21:48 Adam That's a nugget watch.

1:21:50 Wilmer Valderrama Like the lion head you're wearing.

1:21:52 Adam A lion head. Good. Right next to the Italian horn. Solid. Wilmer Valderrama, our guest tonight. Giving me fashion tips. We'll be right.

1:22:23 Caller Loveline. Big Will.

1:22:29 Adam Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend Wilmer Valderrama. Party Monster. Name of the movie. Out as we speak. New York. Los Angeles. Chicago. Florida. And Parts Near You. Soon. If it keeps going the way it's going. And it's nice because this does happen where people come in and they have a smallish independent type movie and it has a limited release and then we say that if people go out and see it, then we'll get a larger release. And that doesn't seem to happen as much as it should. And this movie, it seems like it's happening.

1:23:04 Wilmer Valderrama Yeah, we're actually, that's the move that the companies are making right now. The movies sound really good thanks to everyone that's gone and supported.

1:23:11 Adam But everybody has gone, speaking of going and supporting it, like you've made the rounds, this show and Kimmel Show and other shows. I've seen Seth Green on this show and Kimmel Show.

1:23:25 Wilmer Valderrama We're targeting, we're very specific who we're targeting.

1:23:28 Adam Everybody is doing their work, making the rounds and supporting their product, which is nice.

1:23:35 Wilmer Valderrama It helps when you're proud.

1:23:36 Adam Yeah, obviously guys believe in it because this is definitely kind of thing that could just go away if you didn't like it and you wouldn't have to really have your name on it. Jordan? You're 16? What's up?

1:23:47 Caller Well, I just wanted to, I drew, I bought your book yesterday and I cannot put it down. It's like the best thing I've ever read.

1:23:53 Drew Oh my God, God bless you.

1:23:54 Caller Thank you, you're welcome. I was just wondering, I've, on page 87 you kept referring to Get It and you, yeah, people don't get it or...

1:24:04 Drew I know, I almost called, I wanted to call the book Getting It at one point.

1:24:07 Caller I have no idea what you're talking about.

1:24:09 Drew What I'm talking about? Okay, I'll tell you what, I'm working on a documentary now with ABC News Prime Time. It's going to air in November where we specifically go through, we follow a guy who's having trouble getting it and then one day gets it. It's hard to describe, you have to kind of see it, but it ultimately is a capitulation to the treatment process, a total willingness to do whatever it takes to get better. Most addicts kind of go through the motions and don't really open emotionally to the process until A, they believe they're going to die if they don't do something more than they've been doing, or B, they have some sort of spiritual awakening of some type.

1:24:45 Adam I'm also working on a Fox one-hour drama, a detective and investigator, arson investigator, called Speedo Fanny Pack, where I play Speedo Fanny Pack.

1:24:58 Drew Speedo Fanny Pack 9-1-1?

1:25:00 Adam I play Speedo Fanny Pack. He doesn't play by the rules, this guy.

1:25:04 Drew Makes his own rules.

1:25:05 Adam But he gets results.

1:25:06 Caller You know, Adam, what about those little like, guy's little handbag things that have the cell phone slips and the money pouches?

1:25:12 Adam Yeah, that's a man purse, though. That's for the Middle Eastern guy. Who insists on driving the old Mercedes, even though he can only afford a Camry. I don't like that guy.

1:25:26 Drew Jordan, keep reading. Re-read that part about the patient I'm referring to who suddenly gets it. Who's like, struggling, struggling, and all of a sudden seems to get it. If I hope I describe accurately that sort of turnaround.

1:25:38 Adam Watch the documentary. Shanae? You're 22, what's up?

1:25:45 Caller Yes, well, I'm dating this guy. Yeah, I know. Well, here's my issue. I'm just...

1:25:54 Drew Your issue is the guy's 65 and you're 22.

1:25:56 Adam He may die on you and take you with him.

1:26:01 Caller But my issue is that he is a totally great guy. Just such a good guy to be around and we have yet to actually have intercourse.

1:26:12 Drew We don't know that he's capable of that, do we?

1:26:15 Caller At what age does he actually become too old to function, I guess?

1:26:21 Adam Well, first off, guys do become great as they get older.

1:26:26 Drew They become more like a girl.

1:26:27 Adam They stop producing testosterone and they start producing estrogen and they become like old women. And so they're great. And that's why all these a-holes you knew in high school, you go see them at the 20-year reunion and all of a sudden they're mellow and they're friendly. Guys are horrible between the age of like 14 and 70. They're horrible between like 14 and like 32 and then they start to sort of mellow out. Yeah, they're really, really bitch in there. But how did you meet? Now you're 22. Are you attractive? Really? Now do you feel like you could get a handsome 30 year old guy?

1:27:11 Caller I believe so. But my issue was I wanted a more mature person.

1:27:16 Drew Where did you meet this guy? In a bar? Listen, she's in New Orleans. There are no buffers in New Orleans. The cervix of New Orleans.

1:27:46 Adam You'll actually get fired if you're not in the guy.

1:27:48 Caller I heard a very bad rumor that by some chance that when you are an older man that it's not performing to all that it's capable of performing.

1:27:59 Drew Well, that's right. Listen, after about 40 things start, the frequency and the desire levels and even the tumescence start to drop. But there's Viagra and things. But yeah, some men are fine, but some have trouble at that age. That's certainly possible.

1:28:11 Adam How long have you been going out with him?

1:28:12 Caller Well, actually we've only been dating for about two weeks.

1:28:19 Adam And you guys have been making out?

1:28:21 Drew You guys don't work with all those bars down in the French Quarter, do you?

1:28:25 Caller Maybe.

1:28:26 Adam Are you a dancer?

1:28:31 Drew He has a bar bar.

1:28:32 Adam He has bars on Bourbon Street. What is he?

1:28:40 Drew Yes, gravity makes the older male...

1:28:44 Adam Large, saggy balls with nothing in them but dust.

1:28:47 Drew Well, it's his mummified testy.

1:28:50 Adam Alright, mummified testy. I play Speedo Fanny Pack.

1:29:00 Wilmer Valderrama I am 72.

1:29:03 Caller I heard that whole thing.

1:29:05 Adam Good luck.

1:29:05 Drew I went to New Orleans for the first time two weeks ago.

1:29:10 Caller It's an interesting town.

1:29:11 Caller New Orleans is a good place to go.

1:29:14 Drew A good is not the word that comes to mind.

1:29:15 Caller I'm just concerned about, here I am. I'm kind of a young age.

1:29:20 Adam I understand. Just be quiet. Let me ask the questions. What does he do for a living?

1:29:28 Caller He's retired.

1:29:29 Drew What did he do?

1:29:32 Caller He was a big oil man in Texas. Apparently he does. But I come from a very wealthy family as well.

1:29:41 Drew Where is his family? His wife and kids?

1:29:43 Caller He has only been married once. And I have never been married.

1:29:50 Drew What happened to his wife?

1:29:53 Adam Shut up. She got divorced 14 years ago. She lives in Florida.

1:29:58 Caller What happened? Not much talk. Last time he had spoken to her, she was in New.

1:30:09 Adam How far have you guys gotten physically?

1:30:12 Caller I kind of touched the area. I kind of felt that there was something going on there.

1:30:19 Adam Was there an erection there?

1:30:21 Caller A little bit. But still concerned. Obviously I'm gossiping with my girlfriends. We're all in the same hate group. They're like, I can't believe you are considering actually dating this guy. He's 65 years old.

1:30:36 Adam Is he attractive?

1:30:38 Caller Yeah, he's full head of hair.

1:30:44 Drew What's your plan with the relationship?

1:30:46 Caller Just hang out for a while? I don't know. I'm just looking for a good guy.

1:30:50 Drew By the time you're 26, he's going to start getting medical problems. And that's what everyone's told me.

1:30:59 Caller Everyone's like, why are you getting involved with some guy?

1:31:01 Adam You've been going out for two weeks. Have some fun.

1:31:05 Caller But I just have always been wondering. He's an older man. He's, you know, saggy balls.

1:31:10 Caller I mean, look at women when they get older.

1:31:12 Caller Look at what happens to them.

1:31:14 Drew Yeah, the horrible thing about men is that they age better. They get less punished for their aging. Women get punished for aging. That's a horrible thing.

1:31:26 Adam That's what I mean.

1:31:27 Drew That's what I mean. That women are penalized for aging. Men are sort of like sustained.

1:31:31 Adam Yeah, you can do this.

1:31:34 Drew The couples I've dealt with who have a big age disparity, the really big problem is that women just don't get this really. This guy's getting their 70s and they have strokes and they have heart attacks. And now you're a nurse. That's it.

1:31:49 Adam Yeah, he's got a fanny pack full of Duke. He's crapping in his fanny pack. It really does become a fanny pack filled with Duke.

1:31:59 Drew That's going to be one of the episode titles, Fanny Packed.

1:32:05 Adam That'd be a good name for a backdoor movie. I mean, I didn't think you bang us your anus. I didn't think they could approve on that, but Fanny Packed. We'll take ourselves a little break. Wilmer Valderrama, our guest tonight. We'll be right back after this.

1:32:25 Caller Alright, guys.

1:32:26 Caller Bottom line, here's the deal.

1:32:28 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:32:30 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:32:32 Caller Call the dateline.

1:32:32 Drew 877-889-DATE.

1:32:39 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:32:54 Adam Off. Wilmer Valderrama here, everybody. God bless you, Wilmer.

1:32:58 Wilmer Valderrama Thank you, man.

1:33:00 Adam Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear friend.

1:33:04 Drew One short of Kathy is good.

1:33:07 Adam Uh-oh.

1:33:07 Wilmer Valderrama Dropped it.

1:33:09 Adam Dear, dear, dear friend. Party Monster. Name of the movie. It is out. It is doing well. And we should keep that train rolling. So go out and check it out tomorrow. Thank you. And for sure, the latest over the weekend. Wilmer and That 70s Show starting on the 29th of October. So welcome in on a successful season of that show. So until next time. This is Adam Kroler for Dr. Drew saying Mahala. Are you attractive?

1:33:39 Drew You're fat.

1:33:40 Adam No.

1:33:44 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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Wednesday, September 17, 2003