Sunday, November 6, 2005

0:17🔗 Voiceover 1-800-LOVE-191 Love Line starts now.

0:24🔗 Drew Hey, it's Loveline. I'm Dr. Drew. Tonight, I'm delighted to welcome Benji from Good Charlotte. Good evening.

0:30🔗 Benji Madden Doing great.

0:31🔗 Drew He is one of the alumni of this show. I'm proud.

0:35🔗 Benji Madden Proud to be alumni.

0:36🔗 Drew You were saying that you learned everything from this show? Well, that scares me, I got to tell you.

0:40🔗 Benji Madden I've said it before, but you know, the birds and the bees, I think these days, you know.

0:45🔗 Drew Move in with this. Oh, sorry, I blasted him in the mouth with the mic.

0:48🔗 Benji Madden Lip rings.

0:49🔗 Drew Everyone hit the mic. Yeah, thank you. Birds and the bees were about this show.

0:54🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, I mean, kids don't learn.

0:56🔗 Drew Well, your parents didn't have the talk with you?

0:58🔗 Benji Madden No, I think old-fashioned parents don't have the talk with their kids. And if they do, it's awkward. You don't really learn too much.

1:05🔗 Drew I gotta stop with the old-fashioned parent thing, because you guys are sleeved hats, pierced. They must be so happy. They're so psyched.

1:12🔗 Benji Madden My mom is very... She's proud, but I think if she had it her way, she'd get them gone. What?

1:18🔗 Drew Oh, my God. Describe them to me. I'm imagining like somebody from... Imagine Auntie M from Wizard of Oz or something.

1:26🔗 Benji Madden My parents?

1:26🔗 Drew Well, you said old-fashioned.

1:27🔗 Benji Madden No, but they're old-fashioned being that, okay... They came from the school of like... And I think a lot of people... And I think there's still people that do. You get married right at 18. You know, my dad was working. He was a butcher. So he was working 5 a.m. to 11 p.m. at night. He was working... He's a working guy. My mom was the stay-at-home mom, take care of the kids, take care of the house.

1:51🔗 Drew So more traditional.

1:52🔗 Benji Madden Traditional and very, like, I mean, good people, you know? Yeah. And then, you know, classic marriage fell apart, family falls apart, everything. But in the midst of our...

2:04🔗 Drew How old were you guys when that happened?

2:05🔗 15.

2:06🔗 Benji Madden Well, well, it was a period of, like, 12 to 15.

2:10🔗 Drew What started it?

2:13🔗 Benji Madden You know, I think money was number one. My dad, I mean, he worked so much. I never seen anyone work like my dad. And I mean, that's a lot of pressure. Well, 5 a.m. to 11 p.m. Yeah, I mean, I guess my dad was always gone, you know? And then when, when I just know he was, he's always working. So I think that, that, I mean, I think about having four kids.

2:33🔗 Drew Oh, and four of you?

2:34🔗 Benji Madden Four kids. And then...

2:36🔗 Drew What are the other two doing now? You all know Joel.

2:39🔗 Benji Madden Joel, and then Josh is, he designed, he does all, he runs our clothing company.

2:43🔗 Drew Oh, that's right.

2:43🔗 Benji Madden Record label. Yeah, yeah. He's a DJ.

2:46🔗 Drew And number four?

2:47🔗 Benji Madden Basically runs New York. And my sister, Sarah, is a hairdresser and she sings in a band called Her Daily Obsession.

2:53🔗 Drew Is she back in Maryland? Where you guys are from?

2:55🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, she's in DC. So, and my brother and sister, they're kind of, they're a little hipper.

3:02🔗 Drew Than you?

3:02🔗 Benji Madden Josh and Sarah. They're kind of hip. Me and Joel, me and Joel, we're into, like, you know, Hardcore. Like, not Hardcore, like, but we, we like, you know, like, we listen to, like, social distortion and, and, you know, Green Day and they listen to, you know, they're into, you know, the, the, the strokes and, and all that, of that whole, that whole thing, which is cool. I'm really, it's really growing on me. I used to resent it right now, you know, the fashion, the white belts and the, you know, Got it.

3:32🔗 Drew There's actually a question here. Let's, let's talk to this, this caller, Alyssa 14. What's up, Alyssa?

3:37🔗 Hi.

3:38🔗 Drew Hey there. You're on with Benji from Good Charlotte.

3:41🔗 Benji Madden Hey.

3:41🔗 Hey.

3:42🔗 Benji Madden How you doing?

3:43🔗 I'm kind of nervous right now, but I'm okay.

3:45🔗 Drew Well, you're on the air. Let's go.

3:47🔗 Um, what, what age were you when you first kissed a girl?

3:51🔗 Drew How old were you when you first kissed a girl?

3:52🔗 Me?

3:53🔗 Drew Is that the question?

3:53🔗 Yeah.

3:55🔗 Benji Madden How old was I when I first, like, really kissed a girl?

3:57🔗 Drew Well, no, let's, let's break it down. How old were you when you first kissed whatever type?

4:01🔗 Benji Madden Whatever type. I was probably, like, just kiss on the mouth.

4:04🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

4:07🔗 Benji Madden Maybe, like, middle school.

4:09🔗 Drew Tongue.

4:10🔗 Benji Madden Tongue, high school.

4:11🔗 Drew High school, for sure. What age?

4:13🔗 Benji Madden I was 16.

4:14🔗 Drew 16? Yeah. So took you to 16 to get a time pass. That's when you formed the band.

4:18🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, for sure. Well, no, but see, the thing was, was in middle school, there was all these girls that wanted to go out with me. My mom, though, my mom was a little, she was scared for us. Yeah, so she decided to try to, to, to help, to try to help us avoid all that structure. Yeah. So she said, basically, I remember in coming, like when I was a kid, this is what it sounded like. Don't have sex. Don't make out with girls. Don't have sex. And you'll, you'll get her pregnant. You'll get AIDS and you'll go to hell.

4:52🔗 Drew So, should I say it to my kids?

4:54🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, no.

4:55🔗 Drew You got AIDS?

4:56🔗 No, because I made...

4:57🔗 Drew Gades, go to hell, and Fraynick.

4:58🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, yeah.

5:00🔗 Drew She threw in the go to hell just for good measure. It's nice.

5:02🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, you'll go to hell. So, like, I definitely... You'll go to hell. And I could feel the fire in the brimstone.

5:08🔗 Drew Your first tattoo right that week.

5:10🔗 Benji Madden Oh, yeah. So, I could feel the fire in brimstone and the gnashing of teeth in hell, you know, whatever.

5:18🔗 Drew But that lasted about, what, 18 months and then pow.

5:21🔗 Benji Madden No.

5:22🔗 Drew Four years?

5:22🔗 Benji Madden No.

5:23🔗 Drew It lasted?

5:24🔗 Benji Madden It lasted. And you know what? This is my theory. I think when kids are in high school, whatever, I think it is unhealthy when kids start having sex and too early and everything. But when you're in high school and you start, I'm not saying go out and have sex in high school, whatever. Do whatever you, you know. Yeah. But I feel like you make all your mistakes. And hopefully you have someone teaching you, saying, like, hopefully you're not getting anyone pregnant. Hopefully you're using the condom. But like you do all your goofy, weird. And then you really start dating when you get out.

5:54🔗 Drew Out of high school.

5:55🔗 Benji Madden Yeah. When you get out of high school.

5:56🔗 Drew So what you're saying is you need to fumble around a little bit.

5:58🔗 Benji Madden You need to fumble around. You need to, you need to be awkward. You need to get all the weird stuff out of the way. You need to like.

6:04🔗 Drew Define what you mean.

6:04🔗 Benji Madden Like all the like, you know, what's this feel like? You know, like you need, that way when you start, when you get, become grown up enough to really start looking at people's character, people's like what they're made of, like on the inside, if you really want to spend real time with this person, because in high school, you don't know.

6:22🔗 Drew No, no.

6:23🔗 Benji Madden And I started doing that, all that stuff, like, after high school. So like, you know, it was really weird. And, and, you know, I got caught up.

6:35🔗 Drew You had to form a band to get caught up.

6:37🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, yeah.

6:38🔗 Drew All right, let's talk to Katherine, because she has a similar kind of question. Katherine, you're 19.

6:41🔗 Caller Yes.

6:42🔗 What's up?

6:44🔗 Caller Nothing, I've been with my boyfriend for four years.

6:48🔗 Drew Since you were 15, how old is he?

6:50🔗 Caller Excuse me?

6:51🔗 Drew How old is he?

6:51🔗 Caller He's 20.

6:52🔗 Drew 20, all right, and?

6:56🔗 Caller We slept together recently, about four months ago. And now I feel like our relationship is only based around sex, like whenever I see him, that's like all we do.

7:08🔗 Caller Go ahead, Benji.

7:09🔗 Drew Tell her the truth.

7:11🔗 Benji Madden Well, truthfully, right now, it kind of is probably. Is it his first time, too? Or is it your first time or?

7:19🔗 Drew Yeah, both their first time. And they've been together four years.

7:22🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, it's like just finding out, like it's like finding like something you want to do every day. You figure all of a sudden, like a, you know, that I would, I don't know, I mean, I wouldn't feel too.

7:36🔗 Drew Catherine, I think you're going to find when you encounter men, generally, this is how they're going to be in your adult life. Just just in their 20s, men in their 20s.

7:44🔗 Caller How would I explain that to him? I don't know how to explain that to him.

7:48🔗 Drew Explain what to him?

7:49🔗 Caller That I don't want that. I don't want it to be like, I just like, I don't want to say no, I don't want it.

7:54🔗 Drew And then he's just like, oh, here's the deal. This is the best way I think you can handle this.

7:59🔗 Benji Madden You found a way you can punish him now.

8:00🔗 Drew Right, you have control. First of all, you have all the goods. Understand that, Catherine. Do not think to yourself, oh, I better do this or he won't like me. That is the most bizarre thinking the women have.

8:11🔗 Benji Madden The more you don't do it, the more he will like you.

8:13🔗 Drew I heard these words come out, my daughter said something like this tonight, and I was like, what? Come on, ladies, you have all the goods. You got all of it. The guy, if he's good enough, if he likes you enough, if he will stick around, you decide, you call, you set the ground rules.

8:28🔗 Benji Madden Use a condom.

8:29🔗 Drew Use a condom. What are you using for birth control?

8:32🔗 Caller Right now, nothing.

8:34🔗 Drew Okay, so you may be pregnant now, right?

8:36🔗 Caller No.

8:37🔗 How do you know?

8:39🔗 Caller Because I checked.

8:41🔗 Caller How did you check?

8:42🔗 Caller Well, we haven't had sex in three weeks, and I'm always careful about it.

8:47🔗 Drew How is that being always careful? It's not the last time.

8:50🔗 Caller It's not the last time.

8:52🔗 Drew It's not the last time. It's not being always careful.

8:54🔗 Benji Madden It's like almost always careful.

8:57🔗 Caller Well, he did pull out before he like...

8:59🔗 Drew Right. So he left some pre-cum-behind, which is highly concentrated in sperm, so you could be pregnant.

9:04🔗 Caller But I... I don't know.

9:06🔗 Benji Madden One time I read a magazine article...

9:08🔗 Caller I'm getting worried about that.

9:09🔗 Drew Well, you should be worried about that.

9:10🔗 Benji Madden Do you ever read a magazine article about people who got pregnant just from fooling around?

9:14🔗 Caller Nope.

9:15🔗 Benji Madden Because they got some of the...

9:17🔗 Drew You know, hand or somewhere. They got inserted somewhere and...

9:20🔗 Caller Well, I've heard it could happen, but I hear it's a really, really small chance.

9:23🔗 Drew Well, him putting the penis in the vagina will make a pregnancy happen.

9:27🔗 Benji Madden Okay?

9:27🔗 Drew That's all that has to happen for a pregnancy. He doesn't have to ejaculate.

9:30🔗 Benji Madden Rule number one.

9:31🔗 Drew All right.

9:31🔗 Benji Madden Always wear a condom.

9:32🔗 Drew Always.

9:33🔗 Benji Madden Rule number two. Get on birth control if you're going to be having sex. And then rule number three. He's not going to like you less.

9:40🔗 Drew If you say... Yeah. Here's the deal. Guys are always at this... As you're in your 20s, men are under the influence of a hormone that makes them... puts them on drugs, basically. The drug is testosterone. And it makes them sort of preoccupied about sex, very driven about sex. It's going to make you feel objectified. And it's not about you. It's just that's his drive. That's his biology. And until you... And by the way, all our young males are raised to think that you're the same. And you're different. You have a little different biology. And no two people's sex drive are the same. So you got to sort of stop him and go, Hey, look, this makes me feel bad. I don't like to objectify it. I'd like to do it... What? How? Once a week? Are you okay with that, Catherine? Once every other week?

10:15🔗 Caller Yeah, I guess. It's like almost every day. It's like the only reason he wants to see me is that I'm not...

10:21🔗 Drew No, but he has found like his hot fudge Sunday with, you know what I mean? And Benji, help her understand this.

10:27🔗 Benji Madden Like basically, he all of a sudden woke up and went, wow, this, you know, I mean, sex is fun.

10:36🔗 Drew Where's that Andy Dick drop? Jesus, holy Jesus Christ. Oh, what? Get on the mic, Anderson. Training someone.

10:45🔗 Benji Madden I'm not on the board right now. I got somebody else on the board.

10:48🔗 Caller All right. Okay.

10:48🔗 Benji Madden Anyways, I'm trying to figure out how do I can, how I can relate this, but you just have to know, like he found something that he thinks is really great and it is, you know, it's great. And you know, you're, he's really attracted to you and everything, but you just got to, you got to just take control because you have control because you, you know, you got what he wants.

11:05🔗 Jesus Christ in heaven.

11:07🔗 Where is this bin?

11:08🔗 Send me an ounce of this stuff.

11:11🔗 Drew Right?

11:12🔗 Benji Madden Exactly.

11:12🔗 Caller That's how the guy feels.

11:13🔗 Drew And it's like, it's not going to go away. So you have to kind of help him contain it and he has to know how you feel or he just doing what sort of comes naturally to him. Here is John 22.

11:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

11:24🔗 Yeah.

11:25🔗 Drew John, what's up?

11:25🔗 Caller What's up, John?

11:27🔗 Caller Oh, not much. I've just been like, I don't know. It's like I'm 22. I just had my birthday coming up and it's like, I don't know. I've been like, my family situation is kind of messed up. It's almost like whoever was talking earlier about like family situations happening and everything like that. And like I've been moving around the country since I was about nine years old, just moving places and I don't know, just like situations in like family life have kept me from being too social. I have friends and everything but it's like I moved around.

12:03🔗 Drew I don't get what you're question. What's your question?

12:04🔗 Caller Like what the hell, what can I do to like I don't know, get out of it. Like what can I do to like be antisocial like.

12:12🔗 Drew How can you start meeting girls?

12:15🔗 Caller To a certain extent, yeah, but like.

12:17🔗 Drew John.

12:18🔗 Benji Madden Basically, how can you start, how can you get out of this, this low point you're in right now. You feel like you got everything against you. You don't have the right family situation. You've been moving around. You don't have any real friends.

12:29🔗 Caller How's he doing?

12:31🔗 Benji Madden Well, me.

12:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

12:34🔗 Benji Madden Well, what would Benji Madden do? Form a band. Start a band. I don't know. Find something that you're into.

12:39🔗 Drew Right.

12:39🔗 Benji Madden And go all the way with it.

12:41🔗 Drew That's the answer is you've got to find a passion. You've got to go with it. You have to be good at it, to develop it. You have to do something in life that you feel good about. And magically, you'll start to have a social life. Alex, 26. Alex.

12:55🔗 Caller Yes. Yes.

12:56🔗 Drew What's going on, buddy?

12:58🔗 Caller Um, did I, did I miss a question again or what?

13:01🔗 Drew Yes, please. You're on the air now. Before, you were just talking to a screener. Now, you're on the air, right?

13:06🔗 Okay, great.

13:07🔗 Drew All right.

13:07🔗 Caller Okay. Here we go. Okay, here's the story. I've been going out with my girl for three months now. I met her at a club. We both worked there. She's a go-go dancer. She's great looking. We've been having sex for two months. And I think she was, she's a hermaphrodite.

13:25🔗 Drew Oh, why?

13:27🔗 Caller Because she never let me see it. It feels weird.

13:33🔗 Caller And just last week, she let me touch it.

13:37🔗 Caller And her Twitter is just huge.

13:40🔗 Caller It's big.

13:41🔗 Caller I don't know. I'm kind of scared to find out.

13:44🔗 Benji Madden It's big like the size of like another organ or something.

13:48🔗 Drew It's big like the size of a thumb or the size of a penis?

13:51🔗 Caller Not the size of a penis.

13:53🔗 Benji Madden Well, I mean, hey, every penis is coming all sizes, man. Depends on, you know.

13:57🔗 Drew But is it like, is it sort of tacked down like a clitoris or does it come out like a penis?

14:02🔗 Caller It doesn't come out like a penis.

14:04🔗 Caller It's just too big. I mean, I didn't even see movies with big clits, but this is just...

14:09🔗 Drew Does she have normal breasts?

14:12🔗 Caller They're kind of small.

14:13🔗 Caller I mean, she's good.

14:13🔗 Caller Look, she's great looking. She's a go-go dancer.

14:16🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, go-go dancers. Hey.

14:18🔗 Drew Well, there's the hermaphrodite. It's not really...

14:20🔗 Benji Madden Hey, let me tell you something about go-go dancers. They always have something up their sleeve. All right. Go-go dancers. Why are you called a go-go? Not strippers. Go-go dancers. Why? Let me ask you.

14:31🔗 Drew Why?

14:32🔗 Benji Madden Why is she a go-go dancer?

14:33🔗 Drew And not a stripper?

14:34🔗 Benji Madden And not a stripper. Why does she call herself a go-go dancer? Why is she referred to as a go-go? You just referred to her as a go-go dancer.

14:40🔗 Drew What's the name of the club where she go-go danced?

14:41🔗 Benji Madden They're voodoo women.

14:43🔗 Caller Why? What happened to Benji?

14:45🔗 Drew What happened?

14:46🔗 Benji Madden Tell me the story. Nothing.

14:48🔗 Drew Nothing happened.

14:49🔗 Benji Madden What city was it? Could have been... It could have been Milwaukee.

14:54🔗 Drew And what could have happened there?

14:55🔗 Benji Madden Well, I mean...

14:56🔗 Drew If she's a guy like... Let's just say it was a guy named Benji.

14:59🔗 Benji Madden Hey, Sheena was a man. No, just kidding. No, I'm just checking. No, but go-go dancers. It's a weird...

15:05🔗 Drew What's the name of the club where she was dancing?

15:08🔗 Benji Madden What was that? Yeah. What's the name of the club? Hypothetically. Hypothetically.

15:13🔗 Drew It's called She-Him or something like that, you know.

15:15🔗 Benji Madden No, no, no.

15:16🔗 Drew It's a club.

15:17🔗 Benji Madden Okay, simple solution. Here's your answer, man. Just ask her. You guys have been having sex.

15:23🔗 Drew You've been doing... You've been having intercourse?

15:26🔗 Caller I just want to...

15:27🔗 Drew Yeah, well, yeah.

15:27🔗 Benji Madden You said you were having sex with her, right?

15:30🔗 Caller How could you have...

15:30🔗 Drew How could you have intercourse and not have seen and felt or whatever?

15:34🔗 Benji Madden Okay, just tell her you want to have sex with the lights on, then it would really turn you on and do it.

15:37🔗 Drew And by the way, the most common reason for a large clitoris is actually taking steroids.

15:44🔗 Benji Madden How's her voice? What's her voice like? What's her voice like? Do it with your best impression ever. What's her voice like?

15:53🔗 Drew Come on.

15:54🔗 Caller That's normal.

15:56🔗 Benji Madden Is it like hi? Or is it like hey?

15:59🔗 Caller No, I mean she's feminine, but I just...

16:02🔗 Drew Do the hey one again.

16:04🔗 Caller How can I tell?

16:05🔗 Drew Do the she him one again.

16:12🔗 Benji Madden What's her voice like, dude? Is her voice deep?

16:14🔗 Drew She said normal. All right.

16:16🔗 Caller No, no, not at all, not at all.

16:17🔗 Benji Madden All right, just look at her with the lights on and you'll figure it out, I'm sure.

16:20🔗 Caller I can't, she doesn't let me.

16:22🔗 Drew All right, well, you gotta talk, but listen, does she look like somebody that maybe was a bodybuilder, took steroids or anything like that at any time?

16:28🔗 Caller No, she's too skinny for that.

16:31🔗 Caller I mean.

16:32🔗 Drew And she's not, here's what you gotta know, she's not her mafridite. I promise you that.

16:35🔗 Benji Madden Does she have like real muscly arms?

16:37🔗 Caller No, no, but I mean, why would, why are, I mean, I've never had a go at it.

16:41🔗 Benji Madden Color of her eyes.

16:43🔗 Drew I'm saying, medication is, subs, medication is the most common reason for that. There are some children that are born with what are called ambiguous genitalia, where they kind of have both male and female, and yet they're genetically one way or the other. This sounds like a female, and there are people that get their, you know, sort of are in the process of becoming a male, which is, or the other way around, or were male. I'm thinking things have been sort of shaved down, and it was a male before. I mean, maybe that, and then a lot of women, a lot of people with gender identity issues are very ashamed of them and feel very sort of, you know, just for the very reason you're getting into, Alex, here.

17:20🔗 Benji Madden Let me ask you something. Do you like her for any more reasons than just the sex?

17:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

17:25🔗 Benji Madden Is she cool? Is she a nice girl?

17:27🔗 Caller Oh yeah.

17:28🔗 Benji Madden All right, well then, spend a little more time.

17:31🔗 Drew Go forward.

17:32🔗 Benji Madden Yeah.

17:32🔗 Drew Go forth. Monica, 19. Hi. Hello.

17:37🔗 Benji Madden Hi, Monica.

17:40🔗 Drew Hello. There you go.

17:42🔗 Benji Madden You're on. Ready? Go.

17:43🔗 Drew Now with Benji from Good Charlotte.

17:45🔗 Caller Oh, hi. This is Monica from LA. I've been in a relationship for about two years and it's been with a girl. And we're both very girly and we're not out in public about it. And I just, I don't know, this is my first, like, relationship with a girl and stuff. And it's also hers. And we just want to, like, know, like, how to, like, come about, like, just being comfortable with being out with it. With even with my parents, with her parents, everybody.

18:13🔗 Drew Now, how are you, like, committed lesbian? You've always been lesbian? Or is this just a person you're in love with?

18:19🔗 Caller Just this person.

18:20🔗 Drew This person. You've been heterosexual otherwise?

18:23🔗 Caller Yeah, very heterosexual.

18:25🔗 Drew Very heterosexual. So does that mean-

18:26🔗 Benji Madden So you kind of be a shock.

18:27🔗 Drew Yeah. And also does that mean this is a temporary thing, that you're eventually going back to guys?

18:33🔗 Caller You know what? I don't actually even know.

18:35🔗 Drew Have you ever talked to your girlfriend about that?

18:38🔗 Caller Yeah, we have those conversations, but it's just, you know, I know that she, right now, this is very committed. Like, I've been with her-

18:44🔗 Drew You know, in my experience, I have to tell you, Monica, that heterosexual women that find each other that way, usually are hiding out from abusive relationships. They've been sort of brutalized by men and just, they go to women and it's much better.

18:58🔗 Caller Not really me. I've always had like, or I had really, really good boyfriend. So that's not really my problem.

19:04🔗 Drew Okay. Is it hers?

19:06🔗 Caller Um, no, she had good boyfriend before, too. It wasn't like anything like, oh, we didn't like boys or something like that.

19:13🔗 Drew So just the two of you just were into each other?

19:15🔗 Caller Yeah. Like, we just met and it was just like, like that week, like we were just like, I like to, we started making out and stuff. And it was very weird for both of us.

19:26🔗 Drew Just like, oh my gosh, you know, there's, there's some data that just came out a couple weeks ago that that reflects increasing in this of exactly.

19:33🔗 Benji Madden Really?

19:33🔗 Drew Yeah. And so, uh, interesting. All right. So you want to come out with it, even though you don't necessarily want to stay with it.

19:40🔗 Benji Madden So you see what I'm, what I'm, what I'm thinking about the future at all with her?

19:44🔗 Caller Yeah, we were like, we're saving up money.

19:46🔗 We want to move out together, you know, Is it, is it anybody, is it important to you to come out?

19:50🔗 Drew Is it anybody's business? Is it, does it, you know what I mean? Is it, if it's going to be a problem for you?

19:55🔗 Benji Madden You want to feel like you don't have to hide anything?

19:57🔗 Caller Yeah, cause we go out and stuff and like, I'll try to hold her hand, but I'm still not very like, you know, I still feel like people are staring or something like that.

20:04🔗 And I know it's very important to her.

20:06🔗 Drew I don't think other people are.

20:08🔗 Benji Madden I think, uh, for me, if it was me, you know, uh, I think you should just let things happen organically.

20:15🔗 Drew So not make them don't stand up at Thanksgiving.

20:16🔗 Benji Madden No, I mean, if you want to, if that feels natural, like I feel like you should just do everything.

20:21🔗 Drew Don't force it.

20:21🔗 Benji Madden Don't force anything. Just do whatever feels natural. And when you're comfortable to talk to whoever you want to talk to and tell them, you know, don't do it for anyone but you.

20:30🔗 Drew Our standard advice is always, I've been with her for two years now, like, Yeah, yeah, no, it's good. It's fine. Listen, our standard advice. Well, they know you're good, close friends, obviously. And if you want to declare your major, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, with somebody's business and beyond that.

20:44🔗 Benji Madden But anyway, if you want to, you know what, I changed my, do it at Thanksgiving. You should.

20:49🔗 Drew Is entertainment value?

20:50🔗 No.

20:52🔗 Caller Actually, you know, my parents suspected this like for a while and we were best friends, you know, for that whole year. And then they like made herself coming over the house and it was just this big old drama.

21:01🔗 Benji Madden They wouldn't let you.

21:02🔗 Drew See, that's what I'm saying.

21:03🔗 Benji Madden They made you leave your bedroom door open.

21:04🔗 Drew Why do you want to take on a drama like that? What, what, what's in it for you?

21:08🔗 Caller What's in it for me to stand up for her? Cause it's just like, my parents.

21:11🔗 Drew Cause you want to show everyone what's in it for you, either of you to have to, you think your parents are going to go, Oh, what a relief. We thought we've been thinking it all this time, but now to have it confirmed, we feel great. They're going to freak out. They're going to mistreat you guys. That's who they are. Now, if you want to go through all that and try to get beyond it to the other side, it's important to you, that's fine. I would suggest you consult with gay and lesbian youth centers around town and discuss it with other people that have been through this to really make a clear decision of whether it's something you want to go through now or ever, it's up to you. And I can understand why you would, please, I'm not trying to discourage you from doing it, but I am saying just think about why and when, and Benji, you're right on, just take it slow. Do it for you. Take it easy on your terms. Good luck. Benji from Good Charlotte, we're going to hear a song in a little while, not right now. Last on Loveline, November 24th, 2003.

21:59🔗 Benji Madden I don't think it was that long ago.

22:01🔗 Drew Apparently, man, that's what I'm saying. CD came out on May 10th, 04, and you guys will be playing at the Clado Rock Festival in Brazil on November 26th and November 26th. Brazil, do you ever think you'd be flying around the world like that?

22:13🔗 Benji Madden Didn't at all. I mean, you know, where we grew up in Maryland, I mean, if someone went and saw their grandparents in Florida, it was like, wow.

22:21🔗 Drew You went to Florida? Nobody took a plane.

22:23🔗 Benji Madden Wow. I didn't fly until I was 19. No, 18. I was 18. Wow. All right.

22:27🔗 Drew Benji will be back. I'll be back, I'm Dr. Drew, 1-800-LOVE-191 is the number after this. Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191, Benji from Good Charlotte, and, oh, in the mic there, buddy.

22:47🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, it's radio.

22:48🔗 Drew Singing the microphone for a living or what? We don't get to see your brother so much. He's not as addicted to the show as you are, it seems.

22:55🔗 Benji Madden He's not as messed up as I am.

22:57🔗 Drew And so I make the. It warms my heart to know that you're the one that's learned everything about love and relationships from the show. And you're the most effective.

23:04🔗 Benji Madden You're right.

23:04🔗 Drew That's fantastic.

23:05🔗 Benji Madden You're right. I'm sorry.

23:06🔗 Drew That's good. I feel very good about it. Very positive. All right. And anything coming on in your life? Anything interesting? Your relationship or you?

23:14🔗 Benji Madden Let's see.

23:14🔗 Drew I'm, I know you wanted the phone number of the lesbian we just had on the air, but yeah, aside from that.

23:20🔗 Benji Madden We just did a film called Fast Future Generation, and we filmed it in Japan, the last tour there. And it's more about my friend Marvin. He does a magazine called Nylon, and he directed it. And it's really just about Japanese culture. My girlfriend's Japanese. And we spend a lot of time in Japan, our whole band. Like we do really well there. So is she Japanese?

23:45🔗 Drew Japanese or American?

23:46🔗 Benji Madden She's, well, she's interesting. She's half. Does she live here?

23:51🔗 Drew Did she grow up here?

23:51🔗 Benji Madden She grew up here for part of her life. She grew up in Brazil, Japan, everywhere. She's half Brazilian, half Japanese. So she's really interesting. And so we did that. Japan is a big part of our band. We do a lot of stuff there. So we did a film there. And actually we submitted it for Sundance. Cool. So we'll see.

24:10🔗 Drew Is it going to be up there this year?

24:12🔗 Benji Madden We'll see. I mean, they haven't given the yes or no, so.

24:15🔗 Drew Got it. Stacey 18.

24:17🔗 Caller Hi. Hey.

24:20🔗 Caller Hi, Stacey. My boobs have been shrinking for the past, like, maybe three months. And I don't know why. Like, there's no...

24:29🔗 Drew From what to what?

24:29🔗 I haven't been working out.

24:30🔗 Caller I haven't been...

24:32🔗 I haven't lost any weight.

24:33🔗 Drew You haven't lost any weight?

24:34🔗 Caller No, it's just my boobs shrinking.

24:36🔗 Drew You've been checking your weight and there's been no loss?

24:38🔗 Caller No loss.

24:40🔗 Drew Weird.

24:40🔗 Benji Madden We call that one, bye-bye boobies.

24:42🔗 Drew Is that what that's called? That's a technical term for it?

24:45🔗 Benji Madden That's a medical term.

24:46🔗 Drew Well done. Well done.

24:47🔗 Caller They were, like, I was...

24:49🔗 Drew You know, Benji wanted to be a doctor in his other life. He did. Strangely, I wanted to be a rock star, but there you go. What are you going to do?

24:55🔗 Like, my boobs were smaller.

24:57🔗 Caller Like, they were about, like, 34B. And then I moved to California and I was eating, like, really healthy. And they got bigger, like, they were like a 38C. And then I moved back to Washington and now they're, they've slowly been shrinking.

25:14🔗 Drew Well, 38 means your chest was growing. Your circumference of your chest was, that's the 38 part.

25:20🔗 Benji Madden Maybe that your, like, your breasts react to the sunshine. The California air? The smog.

25:28🔗 Caller I don't know.

25:29🔗 Caller But could it be anything that can make eating healthy?

25:35🔗 Drew Are you taking any kind of birth control?

25:37🔗 Caller No.

25:38🔗 Drew No, no, no Depo Provera shot, nothing like that?

25:41🔗 Caller Nope, nothing.

25:43🔗 Drew And have you been weighing yourself on the same scale all this time?

25:46🔗 Caller Yeah.

25:48🔗 Drew It doesn't make sense to me, Stacey, because it's not just your cup size that's changing, it's your chest circumference. And that means you have to be losing weight. So it just, it just has to be the case. That's the only thing you can conclude.

25:59🔗 Caller Well, I haven't been, I've lost maybe, like, in the past, like, three months, I've, like, gone maybe a pound, two pounds.

26:08🔗 Drew How much do you weigh?

26:09🔗 Caller One forty-three, about forty-four.

26:12🔗 Drew And you're not working out more, doing any different kinds of activities?

26:15🔗 Caller Nope.

26:16🔗 Drew A mystery. There are certainly medical conditions that can be associated with this kind of thing, but if you're not having any other symptoms, hard to be, to put anything on that, so.

26:24🔗 Benji Madden I saw a case of this when I was doing medicine abroad.

26:28🔗 Drew You did? Yeah. You were studying this precise case? You were studying them on the way up or on the way down or both?

26:35🔗 Benji Madden I don't know what I'm talking about.

26:36🔗 Drew That's true. Erica, 13. Yeah.

26:39🔗 Caller Hi, Dr. Drew. Hi, Benji.

26:41🔗 Caller Hey. Erica, what's up?

26:43🔗 Caller Yeah. I just wanted to tell you, I wanted to ask you, is it kind of like abnormal for a 13-year-old girl to like be obsessed with like guy-on-guy action because I read a lot of it and I write a lot of it?

26:58🔗 Benji Madden You write it like in your journal? You write like a fantasy?

27:02🔗 Caller No, like I write stories.

27:04🔗 Benji Madden Oh, right.

27:05🔗 Drew It means something. I'm not quite sure I can interpret what it means. Can you tell me about your life, how your upbringing has been?

27:12🔗 Caller Well, it's been pretty good, I guess. Like, I know it's kind of weird, but I've been knowing about sex since I was three.

27:18🔗 Drew How's that? How did that happen?

27:20🔗 Caller I don't really remember. I just, I know for a fact that I have.

27:24🔗 Drew Is it possible you're exposed to something? That you saw something or something did something to you?

27:28🔗 Caller Probably, because like my brother and sister are older than me by like seven years each.

27:35🔗 Drew Uh-oh. Do you think they did something to you or that they were doing something in front of you?

27:39🔗 Caller Believe me, no, they never do that.

27:41🔗 Drew All right, so there's some, because to have an explicit directed sexuality towards intercourse prior to puberty is not normal.

27:49🔗 Benji Madden Yeah.

27:49🔗 Drew I mean, you may kind of understand where things go and all, but to really be directed towards intercourse and to understand that's where you have drive towards that.

27:57🔗 Benji Madden Where do you look at it? Like on the internet?

28:00🔗 Caller Yeah, like I just find like a whole bunch of like stories about like, like don't get...

28:04🔗 Benji Madden Like you just Google it? You just Google like...

28:07🔗 Drew Like what?

28:07🔗 Caller Like, like, like fan fiction. You know what those are, right Benji?

28:12🔗 Benji Madden What are they called?

28:13🔗 Caller Fanfics.

28:14🔗 Benji Madden Fan, like where fans write fictional stories?

28:17🔗 Caller Yes.

28:18🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, okay.

28:19🔗 Drew What is that?

28:20🔗 Caller I read those about...

28:21🔗 Benji Madden They're like online journals, like kids just make up stories.

28:24🔗 Drew About, about people they're interested in.

28:25🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, I think so.

28:27🔗 Caller Yeah, I will...

28:29🔗 Caller I read and write those about GC.

28:32🔗 Benji Madden Oh, you do? Okay.

28:33🔗 Drew Who's GC?

28:34🔗 Benji Madden About Good Charlotte. So you basically write that...

28:36🔗 Drew GC is how we talk to them, what doctors call gonorrhea.

28:39🔗 Benji Madden Yeah. Oh, really?

28:40🔗 Drew Oh, yes. That's the GC who's gonorrhea.

28:42🔗 Benji Madden Awesome. Yeah, so you basically write that like we're like making out with each other and doing it. Well, yeah.

28:49🔗 Caller Yeah, like NC 17 stuff.

28:52🔗 Benji Madden Oh, NC 17. Not even R.

28:54🔗 Caller Yeah, I've been doing that since I was about 10.

28:57🔗 Benji Madden Well, I'm going to say I'm going to bet that there's something else going on like at home. If you're really... If this is really what you're into, if you're not just like making this up and you're really into guy on guy action, because I'm going to be honest with you, at 13, I was like, boobies, cool, like, okay, like I didn't even know. I was still putting together the pieces of like what sex was. I got that 13. I was just going like, oh, sex, like, you know.

29:22🔗 Caller Yeah, I had been knowing about that by then.

29:26🔗 Drew And it means it means something. It usually means chaos or some. Was there a lot of chaos in your home growing up?

29:32🔗 Caller Oh, no, not at all.

29:34🔗 Caller No, not at all.

29:35🔗 Caller No, yes, my parents would fight a lot because my dad would get drunk like every night.

29:40🔗 Drew All right. How could you have started that out with no, not at all?

29:44🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, no, not at all. But sometimes my dad gets wasted and throws us around.

29:49🔗 Drew I can't understand that. But anyway, so yeah, so there you go. And kids that start sort of self stimulating and getting to sexual fantasies, usually are doing that as a way of trying to regulate feelings, regulate what we call affects as a way of trying to sort of feel OK. It's almost like a drug and it can be a self-limited thing. That is to say, it can be something that just goes on for a little while. And Erica kind of sounds like somebody that's going to be OK. You know, I don't think she's going to spin out with this.

30:14🔗 Benji Madden And you know what? She's listening to Good Charlotte.

30:18🔗 Drew That's the one thing you got to stop. The one thing.

30:20🔗 Benji Madden I was going to say, Erica, even though you're writing that we're, you know, guy on guy action. Yeah. We really appreciate it. Thanks.

30:31🔗 Drew For even though it's about you and Joel cornholing, thanks for being a fan. Just putting GC in there and having your names in there regardless.

30:39🔗 Benji Madden And I hope that you move on from the guy on guy action to well, to something healthier.

30:45🔗 Drew I would suggest that because again, it's something that can spin out of control if you're sort of inclined that way. Take a moratorium of this. Don't do anything for a little while. Just go do quiet things. They have a simple life.

30:56🔗 Benji Madden Just think about whatever happened to like babysitters club.

31:00🔗 Drew Just simpler things. And these things you'll find if you could get a break from this, it may not be so obsessional because our brains are funny things. They have. We have momentum with stuff. We go. We get going.

31:11🔗 Benji Madden I know.

31:11🔗 Drew It's like, oh, I know. What happened?

31:14🔗 Benji Madden Nothing.

31:14🔗 Drew Well, what do you what do you go?

31:15🔗 Benji Madden I'm crazy. I obsess about what?

31:18🔗 Drew Give your most recent obsession.

31:19🔗 Benji Madden Okay, like I get into something and then I just, you know, golf, golf.

31:24🔗 Drew Golf you're into now?

31:24🔗 Benji Madden I'm into golf.

31:25🔗 Drew That's your most recent obsession.

31:26🔗 Benji Madden You know, and then I go out and I spend like, you know, $2,000 on everything. I need this. I need this. I'm getting the golf.

31:33🔗 Drew Are you bipolar?

31:34🔗 Benji Madden I don't know. I've never been.

31:36🔗 Drew Is there a concern that you are?

31:38🔗 Caller I don't think so.

31:39🔗 Drew You don't feel it?

31:40🔗 Benji Madden I'm pretty, you know.

31:41🔗 Drew Even.

31:42🔗 Benji Madden I'm even.

31:42🔗 Drew But you get obsessional about stuff.

31:44🔗 Benji Madden I know that I'm OCD.

31:46🔗 Drew Yeah. OCD-ish.

31:48🔗 Benji Madden Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm pretty.

31:50🔗 Drew What are the obsessions? Golf?

31:52🔗 Benji Madden Uh, I go through a lot of stages.

31:55🔗 Drew There's got to be sex and relationship stuff in there. It's always in there. Always.

31:59🔗 Benji Madden Yeah. And there's, you know, there's probably a handful of good Charlotte fans listening.

32:03🔗 So I'm sure that would be great.

32:05🔗 Benji Madden Did you know Benji's?

32:06🔗 Drew Yeah. So whatever.

32:08🔗 Benji Madden Yeah.

32:08🔗 Drew All right.

32:08🔗 Benji Madden I love you guys. But you're not going to find out about my sexual prowess.

32:12🔗 Drew But you wanted to be a doctor in your previous life.

32:15🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, when I was. Yeah, definitely. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a doctor.

32:18🔗 Drew And that stopped.

32:20🔗 Benji Madden Um, probably when I realized that I wasn't going to go to college ever.

32:26🔗 Drew Yeah, you got to do that. Yeah.

32:28🔗 Benji Madden I mean, I just knew like when I when I got into high school, I was like, OK, I started putting together the real world, like money works like this. And I was like, OK, college, not in your future. Do something else.

32:38🔗 Drew So not get out for that.

32:41🔗 Benji Madden Yeah. I realized I wasn't going to be able to afford college. I was like, I'm sorry, Rockman.

32:45🔗 Drew Oh, you can afford it.

32:46🔗 Benji Madden Oh, yeah.

32:47🔗 Drew Oh, that's why you stay out.

32:48🔗 Benji Madden Oh, yeah, definitely. Like I was just like, OK, those kids, they have that much money, they can go to college. You're not going to go to college. I mean, yeah, but I don't know when you when, you know, it just definitely seems out of reach. I definitely think for a lot of kids just didn't want to do it, though. Me?

33:06🔗 Drew Yeah. Did you?

33:06🔗 Benji Madden Oh, I want to go to college.

33:07🔗 Drew Really?

33:08🔗 Benji Madden Sure. I would have loved to go to college. Done the whole dorm thing.

33:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

33:11🔗 Benji Madden You know, like the whole, you know, I definitely have played at a lot of colleges and been to a lot of colleges.

33:18🔗 Drew And you like that?

33:19🔗 Benji Madden I love the college kids. They're cool. They're not on, they're not on, like I went into the real world really fast. The second I got out of high school, it was like, okay, survive, you know? And when I see college kids, no offense. I love college kids. I have a lot of friends in college, but it's a different thing. It's like Bob Marley. There's like the kid that's like the hippie. And then they all like, you know, most kids start smoking weed in college and like, you know, your money, like you get this much money from your parents.

33:45🔗 Drew They're still very dependent. They're still, yeah, yeah. They're still not grown up.

33:47🔗 Benji Madden And like, it was definitely like, where's the next meal coming from? Right. Not, where's the next dime bag?

33:53🔗 Drew His Jamie was 20, thankfully.

33:54🔗 Benji Madden Not that it's bad.

33:54🔗 Drew Although I had never heard of a rock star ever being preoccupied with pot. So anyway, Jamie 20, right?

34:00🔗 How are you guys tonight?

34:01🔗 Drew You know what I'm saying? What? I'm saying I've never heard of a rock star ever being preoccupied with pot or drugs. That never happens.

34:07🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, never.

34:08🔗 Drew Jamie 20.

34:09🔗 Yes, how are you?

34:10🔗 Drew Good. What's happening?

34:11🔗 Good. My question tonight is, when me and my girl have sex, she is too small for me. So when we have it, it hurts her.

34:22🔗 Drew You are not 20 years old.

34:24🔗 Yes, I am.

34:25🔗 Benji Madden You're quite a manly.

34:26🔗 Drew Does he sound 20?

34:29🔗 Benji Madden He's not younger or older?

34:31🔗 Drew You sound like you're like 14.

34:32🔗 No, I'm 20.

34:34🔗 Benji Madden No, he doesn't sound 14.

34:35🔗 I'm 18.

34:36🔗 Drew Alright, fair enough.

34:37🔗 Benji Madden 85, dog. Class 85.

34:40🔗 Drew And is there actually a size difference between you and she or is it just that you're having an issue?

34:46🔗 She said that, I mean, she's 18.

34:48🔗 Drew Not sure. Hold on. Hold on. How can you not be sure?

34:53🔗 What, is she?

34:53🔗 Benji Madden No, is she a lot smaller than you? Is she a little girl? Is she smaller? Like, how much is she?

34:58🔗 We're about the same weight, but as far as like height-wise, no, we're...

35:03🔗 Benji Madden Maybe you're just a man, man.

35:04🔗 Drew Hang on. Jamie, we're talking about your penis and her vagina. I'm not talking about your stature.

35:10🔗 Caller Yeah. No, no, no.

35:11🔗 Drew Are you too big for her?

35:13🔗 Caller Yeah, but if we can't do anything, then it doesn't make anything fun.

35:18🔗 Drew I swear it's a bogus call. I guarantee it's a bogus call.

35:22🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, that's why I just said, you're the man.

35:24🔗 Drew But on the other hand, if it were a bogus call, he would have been quite so retarded in the answering with the, yeah, I'm too big. I'm 5'6, and she's 5'4.

35:32🔗 Benji Madden But this is my, I believe this, and you know, don't get me wrong, that you have to work into it. I mean, you know, it's, there's definitely some penises that were made not to go in some vaginas.

35:47🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

35:48🔗 Benji Madden For the most part though, if you take your time.

35:51🔗 Drew A woman's vagina is designed to handle the head of a baby.

35:55🔗 Benji Madden It's flexible.

35:56🔗 Drew It's designed to handle that.

35:58🔗 Benji Madden What I'm saying, my man, is that you need to romance her a little bit. You need to ease her into it.

36:03🔗 Drew And he clearly didn't have the giant phallus thing going on, or he would have been sure to tell us about that.

36:09🔗 Benji Madden Well, I've got an extremely large one.

36:10🔗 Drew Right.

36:11🔗 I am the big boy.

36:12🔗 Drew The most common thing for what his girlfriend has is something called vaginismus, which is a spasm of the muscles of the vaginal floor, and so they can't relax them to get stuff going.

36:22🔗 Caller I have a really big dick.

36:24🔗 Drew No, no, that's... yeah, okay. Thanks. That's Mark Hoppus with the really big dick.

36:28🔗 Benji Madden That's good. Good luck, man.

36:30🔗 Drew Okay, listen, Benji from Good Charlotte here with me tonight. Loveline is 1-800-LOVE-191. Give us your calls and we'll be right back. Benji, Good Charlotte, thank you for coming here tonight. Maybe you still go back to medical school one of these days. It'd be good.

36:50🔗 Hey, you never know, man.

36:51🔗 Drew You never know. You're young enough, for God's sake.

36:53🔗 Benji Madden I could do it on the road.

36:55🔗 Drew No, I don't know about that.

36:55🔗 Benji Madden I could do it on the internet. No, I don't know about that. I could do college on the internet.

36:58🔗 Drew You can do college, but you can't do medical school.

37:00🔗 Benji Madden Well, I could do the first four years.

37:01🔗 Drew Not a medical school. No, no.

37:03🔗 Benji Madden But what about regular college? Don't you have to go to regular college before you go to medical school? So I'll do that on the road.

37:09🔗 Drew Then you gotta get into medical school somewhere.

37:11🔗 Benji Madden Right. To this day, give me an interview and I can get in. Job, college, anything.

37:19🔗 Caller I believe that.

37:21🔗 Drew Alright, you were just talking about John from Goldfinger, who's a good friend of this show. John, what's up man? A friend of all of ours, right? Yeah. I was saying, I remember John when he was selling shoes, I think at the Thirst Free Promenade, like ten years ago.

37:33🔗 Benji Madden John. Now he's a super producer, discovering, you know, like the amazing bands.

37:39🔗 Drew What's Darren doing these days? Goldfinger.

37:41🔗 Benji Madden Being crazy.

37:42🔗 Drew Darren, no way. No way. I can't believe it. Yeah.

37:44🔗 Benji Madden So mellow.

37:45🔗 Drew Alright, Aaron 17. Aaron.

37:48🔗 Hello.

37:48🔗 Drew Hey, Aaron, what's going on?

37:50🔗 Hey, first of all, I want to say hello to both of you and Drew. I know it's been a while, but I read your book.

37:57🔗 Drew Thank you.

37:58🔗 Amazing.

37:59🔗 Drew Cracked? Oh, thank you. It was a labor of love.

38:01🔗 Totally just beautiful.

38:03🔗 Drew Thank you. It's very kind.

38:05🔗 Benji Madden I like this kid.

38:06🔗 Drew No, it's interesting. I, when, you know, it's a book that was sort of challenged to write by Judith Reagan, who's a famous book producer, book publisher. And she just sort of said, write me 20 pages and write something. And I went out running and this story just popped out of my head about this sort of character I made up that's so representative of so many of the-

38:26🔗 So it's a fictional book?

38:27🔗 Drew It's like a fictionalized nonfiction. It's characteristic of young, abused female addicts I deal with. And so what I really explored was my feelings about it. Not necessarily my feelings that I really have in a day in and day out way, but if I really sat and thought about what was really going on in my head. And it was an interesting experience, I got to tell you. Well, thanks, Aaron.

38:48🔗 Yeah, totally. I got you. I actually went to one of your little seminars and got you to sign it. So I got that. And I've been in a couple of Gertrude Schaller concerts. You guys are awesome live.

38:55🔗 Benji Madden Thanks, man.

38:56🔗 But now onto the question. About four months ago, one of my best friends ended up committing suicide. Then a month after that, one of my good friends died in a drowning accident. And so I've been on a bunch of these antidepressant thingies and the one I grew up with was on.

39:13🔗 Drew Let's step back from the friend thing again. I mean, having a lot of suicides and all smacks of somebody doing drugs or, you know what I mean, young people don't, what's going on?

39:25🔗 With me?

39:26🔗 Drew Well, not you necessarily, but your buddies.

39:28🔗 Well, one of them didn't do drugs or drinking very, he's very good about that. He just, for the last few years, he's just been really on bad terms and just, he had a few attempts, his parents were getting him a thousand of pills, counselors and stuff, but just, like, we knew, like, everyone kind of knew there was nothing we could do about him.

39:45🔗 Drew Wow, so just profound, profound.

39:47🔗 When it happened, we kind of came to school, like, we heard someone commit suicide, and we heard it was him. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't a shock, because we knew it was going to happen eventually.

39:54🔗 Benji Madden Did he ever, like, kind of let you in on, like, what was going on at home with his parents and stuff and him?

39:59🔗 Yeah, he kind of did. There was a lot of grades that was, like, because he had ended dropping out of school. And, but he was, like, a really good, upbeat, really loud kind of guy. He never, he was really good at hiding it. So, like, he told a couple of close friends, but otherwise you'd never know.

40:12🔗 Drew Did something else happen? Was he abused or something by his kid, neighbor, or something like that?

40:17🔗 They said it was just genetic. He just really...

40:20🔗 Caller Wow, what a horror.

40:21🔗 Drew I mean, think about that. They found out their friend had died, and they were just like, oh, well, yeah, we know it was going to happen.

40:26🔗 Benji Madden Almost like the way it was over or something.

40:28🔗 Drew Whoa. All right, and the other guy in the pool, what happened to him?

40:31🔗 Well, he was on a kayak trip. He had his own...

40:35🔗 Oh, my God.

40:36🔗 Drew All right, so this obviously... All right, I got it.

40:38🔗 Benji Madden This is a pretty heavy time in your life.

40:40🔗 Yeah, and so he ended up stepping off a cliff thing, and they found him by the next morning.

40:47🔗 Benji Madden Wow, dude. So how do you feel?

40:52🔗 Well, it's been really bad for me. I've gone through a bunch of suicidalness, which I finally started to get out of, depression. And like just, actually even just now, I just found out one of my friends got in a car accident this weekend, now it's paralyzed from the waist down.

41:05🔗 Drew All right, listen, do you have a therapist or something? Somebody you can talk to?

41:08🔗 Yeah, I have a therapist.

41:09🔗 Drew All right, good. What's your question?

41:11🔗 Basically, I've been taking Lexapro. Are you familiar with that one?

41:15🔗 Drew Yep.

41:15🔗 Yep, and I also randomly, did I always think it might be coordinated with it, but I also mainly get these chest pains where I actually feel just a heart attack.

41:24🔗 Drew Well, it's not a heart attack. You're 17, you're not having a heart attack. Is your pulse become rapid during those episodes?

41:30🔗 Caller Yeah, my heart starts beating really quickly.

41:33🔗 Drew How fast? Want to check it?

41:37🔗 Caller Amazing, I can't reach, because my body goes into this kind of scared panic thingy.

41:42🔗 Drew Yeah, you're probably just having panic attacks. Chest pain is part of panic attacks, but what your doctor probably had to give you is something called an event monitor, where it's a little monitor you hold in your chest whenever you're having one of these episodes so he or she can see exactly what the rhythm is in your heart. You're not having a heart attack, to guarantee you that. Panic attacks is part of depression very commonly, and chest pains are a characteristic of panic, and also a feeling that you're going to die. I'm going to die, I know it, I'm dying. And that's a panic. Are you there?

42:08🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah, because the doctors, like, they were thinking that and thinking it could be right to the medicine stuff.

42:14🔗 Drew No, it's a panic attack. The medicine can bring on panic sometimes, but it's probably more likely a depression. But keep working with the doctors and get that event monitor from them so you can make sure it's not some sort of, you know, cardiac problem that had not been identified previously. Oh my, that's heavy, huh?

42:28🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, sorry to hear about the, you know, the road.

42:31🔗 Drew But, you know what, Aaron, the other thing is, like, get going on stuff that you want to do, you know, this is good stuff.

42:36🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, I mean, you know, we were, like, we were talking about...

42:38🔗 Drew Stay around people who are positive, people you like.

42:39🔗 Benji Madden You know, like, we were talking about with the guy earlier, like, find something that you really, really want to get into and just use everything, the good and the bad, put everything into it, you know, and you'll turn around a couple of years and, you know.

42:51🔗 Drew When you're depressed like that, oh, yeah, a couple of years, you'll be fine. You may feel like killing yourself today, but a couple of years, you'll be fine. No, but you're right. You're right.

42:58🔗 Benji Madden I mean, I went through, I went through a rough patch in my life. Did you really? You know, I mean, I mean...

43:02🔗 Drew Did you have suicidal thoughts and stuff?

43:03🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, definitely.

43:04🔗 Drew Hell with him.

43:05🔗 Benji Madden I was, it was a couple of years. It was from the age of, like, 16 to, like...

43:11🔗 Drew It was right up to the heels of your parents' breakup.

43:13🔗 Benji Madden Kind of, yeah, and it all kind of came out of that. And I mean, music, I mean, that's when we started our band. And I had nothing else, you know? I mean, I couldn't, you know, like, my home life was at the point where financially everything, like, you couldn't, I couldn't really be like a normal kid and go on dates or whatever.

43:29🔗 Drew No money.

43:29🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, no money, you know? And I, we put everything into the band, everything. And I seriously turned around a few years later. And it's not like I just didn't deal with everything.

43:39🔗 Drew But when, during those two years when you were pulling out of it, did the band give you enough meaning to just get up every day?

43:45🔗 Benji Madden Absolutely. I had a reason. I fell asleep at night excited to get up the next day so that I could go and do something musically. And you know, that's what, you know, if it's not music, if it's whatever it is, you know, I mean, like if you can find something that makes you want to get up the next day, you know, then do it, you know?

44:03🔗 Drew Aaron, let me get him back. Aaron, that sounds about right, doesn't it?

44:07🔗 Caller Yeah, it does.

44:08🔗 Caller And one of the things in my shirts went out with Adam, but on the happy side, I found Germany or Florida.

44:14🔗 Drew You got Germany or Florida?

44:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

44:16🔗 Drew All right, hold on, OK? We got to go to break. All right, hold on a second. Aaron's got Germany or Florida. And you know what that is? Germany or Florida? Well, Adam, when he was writing for Jimmy Kimmel's show, realized every time they'd come up with some, they'd call through the papers, look for bizarre stories in comics, in comic writing and stuff. And whenever somebody would come up with some macabre, sexual, deviant, slicing the penis up and frying it, always Germany or Florida. So our callers call in, they tell us the story, and we tell them, did it come from Germany or Florida? It's never anywhere else. All right, we're gonna come back with Germany or Florida in the next hour. For now, Benji's still here from Good Charlotte. Our phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, and we'll be right back. Excuse me?

45:00🔗 Loveline's coming back in a minute.

45:01🔗 Drew Yo, don't go nowhere.

45:11🔗 Benji Madden Let's listen to Loveline with Dr. Drew and Benji Madden, Benji Madden, man on the mic right here.

45:17🔗 Drew Beautiful. 1-800-LOVE-191. It's a pleasure to have you.

45:21🔗 Benji Madden If you want to get with us, call us.

45:22🔗 Drew Get with us. Come get with us.

45:23🔗 Caller Way to go, B.

45:26🔗 Benji Madden I like that.

45:27🔗 Drew Do it again. Way to go, B.

45:29🔗 Benji Madden That's mine. That's mine. See?

45:31🔗 Drew It's yours. And yeah, I appreciate it. I appreciate you sharing some of your stories and stuff about your own life because I think that's very impactful for young people to hear that you haven't always been a rock star.

45:40🔗 Benji Madden You know, the bottom line is, Drew, we're all the same. We all have a different set of problems. We all have a different set of stories. We all, you know, come from different backgrounds, you know, different religions, races. We're all the same.

45:58🔗 Drew There you go.

45:58🔗 Benji Madden See? We can work it out. We can work it out.

46:01🔗 Drew On the way of the Johnny.

46:02🔗 Benji Madden Don't go and kill yourself. We can work it out. We can work it out.

46:06🔗 Drew All right. You work this one out. This is Nikki. He's 14. Nikki.

46:10🔗 Caller Hello.

46:10🔗 Drew Hi, Nikki. What's going on?

46:12🔗 Benji Madden A true teenager. 14.

46:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

46:17🔗 Benji Madden That's great.

46:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

46:19🔗 Drew All right.

46:19🔗 Benji Madden So what's up?

46:20🔗 Caller I'm in a relationship with a girl right now being bi and all, but I just, I want to tell my mom because she's getting a little suspicious of it.

46:30🔗 Benji Madden And you know, she's poking her nosy head around.

46:34🔗 Drew Well, but you know what? And if you were 17 and saying this, I'm not so sure I would be anxious to have you disclose everything to her because it's sort of 14. Yeah. Why don't you give her a little heads up?

46:45🔗 Benji Madden Tell her what's up.

46:46🔗 Drew Yeah. Because it's important. You still need your parents to help you shape relationships and deal with relationships.

46:52🔗 Benji Madden 14 is still young, you know.

46:54🔗 Drew And you sound kind of distressed by this relationship.

46:56🔗 Caller See, my mother is a little homophobic.

46:59🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

47:00🔗 Benji Madden Most moms are.

47:00🔗 Drew Well, where's your dad?

47:03🔗 Caller My parents are divorced.

47:04🔗 Drew Where's your dad?

47:06🔗 Caller He's moved away.

47:09🔗 Caller He lives like an hour away. But I never really see him because he's kind of an overly dramatic control freak.

47:15🔗 Drew And why'd he leave? What happened?

47:18🔗 Caller They weren't working out, so he split when I was four.

47:22🔗 Drew Overly dramatic control freak doesn't usually translate into a guy who doesn't deal with his daughter. They're quite the contrary.

47:28🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, actually, overly dramatic control freaks are at your house every day.

47:31🔗 Drew That's right. They're all over their daughter.

47:32🔗 Benji Madden I'm an overly dramatic control freak.

47:34🔗 Caller He tries. He tries to get to me from there.

47:38🔗 Drew So you blame your mom for the breakup in the family?

47:42🔗 Caller Um, does he?

47:43🔗 Drew You.

47:44🔗 Caller Oh, me?

47:45🔗 Drew Why else would you be very, very sort of in a hurry, in a hurry to tell your homophobic mom about your homosexual relationships other than to piss off your mom?

47:54🔗 Caller Well, I don't, I don't necessarily want to, but she, she's very suspicious of everything I do.

48:00🔗 Drew Well, I do think you ought to talk to her about it. Because you, you just, I think you owe her an opportunity to kind of be a part of your life at 14. And I think 14-year-olds need their parents, even if they're, I'm not, I'm hoping she's not, you know, nutty, homophobic kind of thing where she's going to sort of kick you out of the house. Yeah, have a bizarre reaction where it's abusive. If you think that's a possibility, then don't tell her.

48:20🔗 Benji Madden Maybe do it with a mediator.

48:21🔗 Caller I mean, yeah, we do live in Long Beach, so she is not as bad as most people.

48:25🔗 Benji Madden The LBC?

48:26🔗 Caller Yeah.

48:27🔗 Benji Madden All right.

48:28🔗 Drew What does Long Beach have to do with making you not as bad as most people?

48:31🔗 Benji Madden Cause Snoop Dogg's in Long Beach.

48:32🔗 Caller Most of our neighbors are gay.

48:35🔗 Benji Madden How do you know that?

48:37🔗 Caller Because I talk to them.

48:40🔗 Drew I just think your mom would want an opportunity to be a part of your life at 14, and the fact that you're secreting your relationships, whatever kind of relationships you're having, I think is kind of a bad idea.

48:48🔗 Benji Madden And I think at 14, you need your mom to be a part of your life.

48:51🔗 Drew That's what I'm saying. You really do. And hopefully she'll be sort of...

48:56🔗 Benji Madden And you'll look back and you'll thank Dr. Drew.

48:58🔗 Drew That's right. As you continually do, Benji, to... Thank you. Yeah.

49:02🔗 Benji Madden Thank you. You don't know how many times I've been in like certain situation, and I just went, thank you, Dr. Drew.

49:07🔗 Drew Oh, give me one. Please. Just one. Give me a glimpse.

49:11🔗 Benji Madden Let me think.

49:12🔗 Drew You avoided HPV. Yeah. Yeah.

49:14🔗 Benji Madden I avoided, you know, you don't know how many close encounters I've had with AIDS. You know, I mean, hey, really, with AIDS? No, I'm just, I'm nice. I'm well done making it up.

49:24🔗 Drew Shannon, 19.

49:25🔗 Caller Hey, what's up?

49:26🔗 Drew Hey, hey, Shannon.

49:27🔗 Caller Hey, first off, Benji, just be glad you don't live in my dorm, right?

49:32🔗 Benji Madden Oh, why?

49:33🔗 Caller I live in a really crappy place, and it's a prison. But anyways.

49:37🔗 Caller Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

49:39🔗 Benji Madden Tell us more about this prison of women in college. Oh, okay. Never mind. What's your question?

49:46🔗 Drew Well, no, wait, wait. What school in Los Angeles has prison dorms?

49:50🔗 Caller Well, I'm actually just north of LA, like in between LA and Santa Barbara.

49:54🔗 Benji Madden Community college with a dorm?

49:56🔗 Caller Cal State.

49:57🔗 Benji Madden So kind of. No, I'm just kidding.

49:59🔗 Caller Way to go, B!

50:00🔗 Benji Madden Thanks. Thanks.

50:02🔗 Drew All right. So there you go. What's going on?

50:05🔗 Caller Okay. Okay. I've been with this guy for about a year and a half, and when we got together, you know, I'd been with the guy. He didn't have a lot of money, and this guy, you know, makes good 18 bucks an hour. So we started.

50:16🔗 Huge money.

50:17🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

50:18🔗 Drew Huge money.

50:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:22🔗 Benji Madden I never made 18 bucks an hour.

50:24🔗 Caller Yeah, that'd be nice, huh? Yeah. So we started eating out a lot, and I kind of gained about 20 pounds.

50:32🔗 Benji Madden And yeah, college, the freshman 20.

50:35🔗 Caller Yeah, exactly. But you know what? It just kind of killed my sex drive or something did.

50:43🔗 Drew Gaining the weight killed your sex drive.

50:45🔗 Caller That's what I'm thinking.

50:46🔗 Drew Are you on birth control of any type?

50:48🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:49🔗 Drew What are you taking?

50:50🔗 Caller Yasmin.

50:51🔗 Drew Yasmin has a strong progesterone in it that can sometimes knock it down.

50:54🔗 Benji Madden I was just thinking that.

50:55🔗 Drew Yeah. Are you on any other medication? Have you had your thyroid check lately?

51:01🔗 Caller About a month ago.

51:03🔗 Drew Alright. And that was okay?

51:05🔗 Caller It's going down. It's getting better.

51:06🔗 Drew What do you mean it's going down?

51:08🔗 Caller Well, my levels are...

51:11🔗 Drew Your TSH levels?

51:12🔗 Benji Madden Do you want to have more sex drive?

51:15🔗 Caller Yeah, I do. It's like 100% gone. I just never have any...

51:20🔗 Drew I'm sure it's the Yasmin. We're willing to bet on it. However, there's one other possibility. Does the weight gain affect how you feel about yourself?

51:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:28🔗 Drew Sexually.

51:28🔗 Caller Actually, I went to a professional and I've actually lost about 15 pounds of it.

51:35🔗 Drew So, you're back to where you were, so it can't be how you look, right?

51:38🔗 Caller Right.

51:38🔗 Benji Madden Do you feel unattractive? Do you feel...

51:41🔗 Caller Well, I guess...

51:42🔗 Benji Madden When you look in the mirror, do you ever take your clothes off and look in the mirror?

51:45🔗 Drew Like Benji does?

51:46🔗 Yeah.

51:47🔗 Caller Well, you know, because of the full-weight thing, I am a little self-conscious.

51:52🔗 Benji Madden Well, that could be part of the problem.

51:53🔗 Drew Women do get very involved in all that, like, oh, I'm not attractive, therefore I can't feel sexual, and how could you be attracted to me if I look like this?

52:00🔗 Benji Madden Let me ask you something, girl. You got a hot tub?

52:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

52:03🔗 Benji Madden All right. This is what I want you to do. So, light some candles. Get your... Run your hot tub. You all just have a nice, relaxing evening.

52:11🔗 Drew And switch your birth control.

52:12🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, and switch your birth control about a couple weeks before to...

52:19🔗 Drew You know, you got to talk to your doctor about it. You need something with less progesterone usually.

52:23🔗 Benji Madden And use a condom.

52:24🔗 Drew Use a condom. Yeah, maybe just switch to condom for a while.

52:26🔗 Benji Madden Let me tell you about something about college guys. I heard about those dudes. I heard they get around.

52:30🔗 Caller He's not going to school. He works too much.

52:32🔗 Benji Madden Okay. Well, let me tell you something about those guys making $18 an hour. I heard about them. All right. They get around.

52:39🔗 Drew All right, Shannon.

52:40🔗 Benji Madden You got to make a dollar out of 15 cents.

52:42🔗 Drew Not this guy. Not my guy. Not my 20-year-old guy.

52:44🔗 Benji Madden Good luck.

52:45🔗 Drew Never happened.

52:46🔗 Benji Madden Go get horny, girl.

52:47🔗 Drew Never been a 20-year-old guy that misbehaved. Aaron, give us that Germany or Florida.

52:53🔗 Caller All right. So I found the article on the radio, actually.

52:56🔗 You what?

52:57🔗 Caller I found the article before the screeners were like, find the exact article, so. All right.

53:01🔗 Drew Here we go.

53:02🔗 Benji Madden By the way, Aaron, you're my favorite caller of the night. Awesome. You just did it right.

53:09🔗 Caller You know?

53:10🔗 Benji Madden Came in with a compliment. And then.

53:12🔗 Caller As a young boy, a man named Thomas was raped and beaten by an elderly man. Years later, Thomas moved to blank and married and had two kids. Thomas ended up becoming a wife beater. And after two years of taking the beating, his wife went to court, and Thomas went to prison. When Thomas arrived in prison, he found that his new prison cell was familiar. After a few days, Thomas realized that this man was the same man that raped him 20 years ago. So that night, quote from Thomas, I killed the man with my penis. In actuality, the man raped him and then killed him. The judge charged him for manslaughter and sentenced him to an even longer prison sentencing and remarked, although I do find this to be a strange way of justice.

54:03🔗 Drew And whatever was lost in the German translation. I'll go Germany.

54:06🔗 Benji Madden I was thinking Germany because of the translation.

54:08🔗 Drew We're both going Germany.

54:11🔗 Benji Madden But the prison system is remniscent of the United States.

54:15🔗 Drew Yes, it sounded very Floridian, like a Floridian experience and the raping and the anal sex and all that's very, very Florida.

54:21🔗 Benji Madden Just the word wife beater, just the word wife beater. I tend to sport wife beaters when I'm in Florida.

54:27🔗 Drew You sport them?

54:28🔗 Benji Madden I wear wife beaters when I'm in that humidity.

54:31🔗 Drew Yeah. So, go, you're going Florida?

54:34🔗 Benji Madden I'm gonna go Florida.

54:35🔗 Drew All right, here we go. I'll go Germany.

54:37🔗 Caller All right.

54:38🔗 Caller Well, it's Germany.

54:39🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

54:41🔗 Benji Madden Oh, yeah. Oh, you have more experience.

54:44🔗 Drew Thanks, Aaron. Good luck. All right.

54:45🔗 Caller Sure thing. Thanks.

54:45🔗 Caller You call me back.

54:47🔗 Drew Keep your head up. Hang on. What did you say? Aaron, what was the last thing you said? I'm sorry. Cut you off.

54:52🔗 Caller Thanks for the best caller comment.

54:55🔗 Benji Madden You're the man, dude. Keep your head up. All right.

54:57🔗 Caller All right. Thanks, man.

54:57🔗 Benji Madden Things will get better.

54:58🔗 Caller All right.

54:58🔗 Benji Madden And tell your friends the same.

55:00🔗 Drew Haley's 14.

55:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

55:03🔗 Drew Yeah. What's going on, Haley?

55:05🔗 Benji Madden Good evening.

55:06🔗 Caller Good evening.

55:08🔗 Benji Madden So what's up?

55:09🔗 Caller What's happening?

55:11🔗 Drew What's happening?

55:13🔗 Oh, um, okay.

55:15🔗 Caller For about like a year, I had my nipple pierced, left, left boot, and, um.

55:19🔗 Drew Before you go on with your story, before you go on, how did, who did that to you?

55:24🔗 Benji Madden Did you get your parents, like, sign, like, you know?

55:26🔗 Drew No, you can't do that. No one will do that.

55:27🔗 Benji Madden Or did you do it yourself?

55:29🔗 Drew Or did one of your buddies do it?

55:31🔗 Caller No, mom let me.

55:32🔗 Benji Madden Your mom let you? Did she?

55:34🔗 Drew Did your mom have piercings?

55:36🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

55:36🔗 Caller My mom had her tongue pierced for a long time, but then she-

55:39🔗 Drew Did that make you not want to have a piercing? Did your mom have weird piercings?

55:42🔗 Caller No, she's really cool. My mom, she's to beat, she used to work for radio and stuff.

55:47🔗 Drew She's one of those cool moms that, like, takes you to, like, the show. All right, here we go. So you had the piercing.

55:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

55:56🔗 Drew And?

55:57🔗 Caller And so, like, I took it out because it got infected.

56:00🔗 Caller And I had it for, like, a year.

56:02🔗 Caller So I took it out. And now, like, it's healed. But it, like, around my nipple area, it's, like, kind of, like, purplish. And I want to know if it's, like, from nerve damage.

56:11🔗 Drew No, no, no, nerve damage. It's scarring. It's just scarring, right? Scarring is a different color. Nerve damage would be the only way you'd really be able to detect nerve damage in terms of how the nipple felt.

56:22🔗 Caller Well, it's, like, not sore, but it's just, like, kind of, like, discolored.

56:26🔗 Drew Yeah, it's not numb. It's not sore, so it's not nerve damage.

56:29🔗 Benji Madden Nerves have to do with feeling.

56:31🔗 Drew Right. And the purple is the scarring. Purple, you can even get something called proud flesh, where you get the sort of uncontrolled scarring.

56:37🔗 Benji Madden Now your nipple's a little scarred up.

56:40🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:40🔗 Benji Madden How do you feel about that?

56:42🔗 I don't like to use the scar, so it's not a good deal, really.

56:45🔗 Drew You cut yourself?

56:47🔗 Caller No, I don't do that.

56:48🔗 Caller No, no, no, no, no.

56:49🔗 It's like, I've been a tomboy for, like, all my life.

56:52🔗 Benji Madden So you've been, like, falling off skateboards?

56:54🔗 Yeah, like, a couple, like, weeks ago, I just cashed over my knee, so.

57:01🔗 Benji Madden Cowabunga.

57:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

57:03🔗 Caller Cool.

57:04🔗 Benji Madden Well, I think your nipples will be all right.

57:06🔗 I hope so.

57:07🔗 Benji Madden Just take care of them nipples. They're the only ones you got, unless, you know.

57:11🔗 Caller I'm not getting them bled.

57:13🔗 Benji Madden All right.

57:13🔗 Drew Let's see if you have a super numery nipple.

57:15🔗 Benji Madden Take care of them things, girl. You're going to be feeding.

57:18🔗 Drew You're going to be needing them someday.

57:19🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, I'm needing them sometime.

57:20🔗 Drew There you go. This is Sandra, who's 19. Sandra?

57:25🔗 Oh, Sandra.

57:26🔗 Caller Hi. Hey.

57:28🔗 Drew Sorry to confuse you with Sandra.

57:31🔗 What's going on? I have a question. I have a 7-year-old, and a couple of years ago he was taking a nap, and I caught him masturbating. Now, my first reaction was...

57:43🔗 Benji Madden In his sleep? Or just like he was pretending to sleep?

57:48🔗 He was awake, and I walked in there, and I saw him moving, and so I was like, okay, what are you doing?

57:55🔗 Drew Was there much going on in the home at that point? Were things peaceful around the house, or were things chaotic?

58:02🔗 His dad and I had been separated for a little over a year.

58:07🔗 Drew Had he witnessed a lot of conflict there?

58:10🔗 No, because he was a little over a year.

58:13🔗 Drew Well, in my experience, it's certainly not abnormal for kids to self-stimulate and to sort of explore that. He's not masturbating to orgasm. He's just sort of stimulating himself. And one of the things that puts a little fuel behind that is trouble. Yeah, stress. And so if things were a little chaotic in the home, you see more of that kind of behavior. And if it's lots of chaos in the home, you'll start to see them do that like in school and things and expose themselves.

58:38🔗 Benji Madden Nothing calms me down more than a little nap. I'm trying to, you know, not.

58:49🔗 Drew Yeah, not.

58:51🔗 Benji Madden So are you, you know, a real extremely attractive mother? Because maybe that's the problem. Oh, maybe.

58:57🔗 Caller No, I'm just kidding.

58:59🔗 Benji Madden Just joking with your girl. Trying to make you feel good.

59:01🔗 Caller All right.

59:01🔗 Benji Madden Trying to make you feel good.

59:03🔗 Drew You'd be napping out there, too.

59:05🔗 Way to go, B.

59:08🔗 Drew All right. So, don't worry about it. He did it that one time, right?

59:12🔗 Right. Well, the only thing I could tell him was I asked him first if he had seen it somewhere or if somebody touched him there. And he just kind of closed it off and told me, well, no, no. And the only thing that I could tell him was just not to do it in front of anybody.

59:26🔗 Drew Yeah, that's all you do. Just these are your private parts and just relax.

59:29🔗 Benji Madden You didn't tell him you were going to go blind or anything?

59:31🔗 Drew Don't get nervous. Don't shame him. Don't freak out. That's a problematic way of dealing with it. But yeah, you're fine. He's going to be all right. Just keep things healthy and simple around. Call him, all right?

59:41🔗 Okay. Thank you so much.

59:42🔗 Drew Okay. All right.

59:43🔗 Benji Madden I wonder if she's left anything out. No.

59:45🔗 Drew About the story?

59:46🔗 Benji Madden Like maybe she's like, you know.

59:48🔗 Drew You never know. I mean, you never know that the kid might... Chris, 25.

59:52🔗 Caller Hey, how's it going? Good. I'm calling because I was diagnosed with shingles.

59:57🔗 Drew Nice. 25.

59:58🔗 Caller What's that all about?

1:00:00🔗 Caller I don't know. I was told it was, you know, it's kind of like a second stage of like chickenpox.

1:00:04🔗 Drew Well, it's a chickenpox-like virus. It's a separate thing, but it's a herpes virus.

1:00:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:10🔗 Drew And you get these big... You get these big streaks of infected vest... Infected red vesicles. Like chickenpox-looking, but in a big clump.

1:00:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:17🔗 Drew And it hurts like hell. Burns and itches and stuff.

1:00:19🔗 Benji Madden And they go away?

1:00:20🔗 Drew They go away, yeah.

1:00:21🔗 Caller It's really painful. It feels like someone just beat the crap out of me in my shoulder area, which is where it is.

1:00:27🔗 Drew The problem is, when people are older, they get very depressed and the pain can persist forever sometimes. It's awful.

1:00:32🔗 Caller Yeah. I thought it was... I went to the emergency room. I thought it was like an allergic reaction to a bug bite or something.

1:00:38🔗 Drew Right, right. People always think... Always think it's a spider bite when it starts. They always go, look at this spider. Look what happened here.

1:00:44🔗 Benji Madden Where does it come from?

1:00:45🔗 Drew It's a virus. Chickenpox virus. Like, chickenpox-like virus.

1:00:48🔗 Benji Madden That sucks.

1:00:48🔗 Drew Yeah, it does. What's going on?

1:00:50🔗 Caller Well, my question is, I have a two-month-old son.

1:00:52🔗 Drew Oh, boy.

1:00:53🔗 Caller And how contagious is this?

1:00:57🔗 Drew Well, I'm not sure I can answer that with great accuracy. I would assume it is contagious. I would assume it is contagious with body contact, fluid contact, so if he touches the virus. I know that on cancer wards and things, we're very careful with that virus. I would imagine in young children, we're very careful with it, too.

1:01:14🔗 Caller Right.

1:01:15🔗 Drew But you should definitely talk to his pediatrician and definitely you should get on the antiviral meds immediately.

1:01:20🔗 Caller I am. I went to the emergency room today.

1:01:22🔗 Drew You're on the Valtrex?

1:01:23🔗 Caller Um, no.

1:01:24🔗 Drew Vanvir? Acyclovir?

1:01:27🔗 Caller That's it.

1:01:27🔗 Drew Okay. You gotta take a lot of that.

1:01:29🔗 Caller Yeah. They're like horse pills, man. They're huge.

1:01:32🔗 Drew It's five times a day. But you have to take like 800 milligrams of it five times a day.

1:01:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:38🔗 Caller Boring.

1:01:39🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:40🔗 Drew All righty. Good luck. Good luck, Chris. Anderson's giving me the kibosh. Dude, Anderson, get on this mic. Yeah. You don't like Benji? You don't like the show? No, I like Benji. He wasn't talking. I was hearing about horse pills. Why are you training a new engineer tonight anyway?

1:01:56🔗 No, I'm just going to be gone tomorrow night.

1:01:58🔗 Drew It's an old engineer who hasn't been on the board for a while. Who is it? Todd. And where are you going?

1:02:05🔗 I got some personal business.

1:02:06🔗 Drew Like what? Benji's been talking about his personal stuff.

1:02:08🔗 Benji Madden I haven't landed out there.

1:02:10🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm not comfortable talking about this at all.

1:02:15🔗 Drew Just saying. I thought we were open here. This is Crystal, 21.

1:02:20🔗 Hello?

1:02:21🔗 Drew Hey there.

1:02:22🔗 Hi. I had a question.

1:02:24🔗 Caller Yup.

1:02:25🔗 I'm pregnant and the doctors say that my hormones aren't going up enough. They're going up but they aren't going up enough. And I've had like five ultrasounds and they said they can't see what's going on with me. They don't understand and no doctor that I've been able to that I've gone to, I've gone to like three different doctors. And they said that they can't figure out what's wrong with me. That they know that I'm pregnant but they don't know why they can't see it in the ultrasound.

1:02:52🔗 Drew None of them say that you might not be pregnant. This might not be a viable pregnancy.

1:02:57🔗 No. I've taken four pregnancy tests.

1:02:59🔗 Drew I understand that. I understand that. But what they're telling you or what they're seeing is perhaps this pregnancy hasn't taken. It's not viable. Lots of pregnancies end because things don't develop normally. It happens all the time. I don't know why they haven't been explicit with you about that, but that certainly could be the case.

1:03:21🔗 It could be a molar one. They said that it could be a tubular one.

1:03:25🔗 Drew Right. Those are all pregnancies going bad. So they are telling you what it is.

1:03:31🔗 Benji Madden They're just not using the right terms.

1:03:32🔗 Drew You're not listening.

1:03:34🔗 They said, no, I am listening. I'm just not. I'm wondering because they're saying that it could be this. It could be that. But then again, it could not be. They're not. They're not willing to do it because I just had it.

1:03:44🔗 Drew I had a crystal crystal crystal. You really got it. You just something else going on with you because they're telling you it's either a molar pregnancy, a tubal pregnancy or not a pregnancy, something that's not taking. Those are the options. That's it. That's everything.

1:03:59🔗 It could be a regular one, too.

1:04:00🔗 Drew Or it could be, but probably not. It could be something that comes into focus with time. But they've now told you everything, Crystal. What is it they haven't told you? They've told you all the possibilities. You can't understand that? No, I can't.

1:04:13🔗 Benji Madden Maybe they're not using the right words.

1:04:15🔗 Drew No, it's in the tube, which they wouldn't be able to see necessarily.

1:04:19🔗 Benji Madden Maybe they use layman's terms.

1:04:21🔗 Drew But she used the terms herself. It could be a mole, meaning it's just a placenta basically, or it could be something that's not taking, or it could be something that will show up with time. Those are the possibilities, Crystal. They've told you all of them. So the fact that you walk away from all those encounters, feeling victimized suggests that you've not had a good time in your life, that there's been lots of victimization going on. These are not people trying to victimize you, these are people trying to help you.

1:04:48🔗 I don't think that at all.

1:04:49🔗 I don't believe that they're trying to victimize me. I'm just being victimized.

1:04:52🔗 Benji Madden You feel like a victim, though?

1:04:54🔗 No, no, no, not at all, no, not at all. I'm just wondering why they're not doing anything or what they can do about it.

1:05:03🔗 Drew Nothing, they can wait and see, like they told you. We'll have to get some more old times, we'll wait and see. What do you want them to do? To make it a viable pregnancy when it's not a viable pregnancy? That's magic, you can't do magic. And if it is going to show up, it will show up with time. And if it's tubal, that will show up with time. And if it's molar, that will show up with time. So they have to wait and see.

1:05:21🔗 Caller I do, I have to wait. I'm just worried about waiting. I'm worried if it's going to rupture something.

1:05:26🔗 Benji Madden That's all you can do.

1:05:27🔗 Drew That's all you can do, Crystal.

1:05:28🔗 Benji Madden All you can do is wait and see.

1:05:30🔗 Drew Yeah. And maybe it'll turn out to be a baby. Maybe it'll turn out to be a viable pregnancy. I guarantee you there's a lot going on with her. I guarantee it. All right, let's hear a Good Charlotte song. No, let's say 1120. We got to take a break. When we get back, we'll hear a Good Charlotte song. We'll take a call and then a Good Charlotte song. Benji, Good Charlotte, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:05:49🔗 Caller Yep, Loveline will be back.

1:05:50🔗 Drew I'm glad to hear it. One of our prize alumni, Benji from Good Charlotte, 1-800-LOVE-191, and let's keep on keeping on with the show. Ashley, 21. Hey. Hey Ashley, what's going on?

1:06:07🔗 Caller I want to know why I'm attracted to certain kinds of guys. My boyfriend is a hardcore porn director.

1:06:17🔗 Drew Benji's interested?

1:06:19🔗 Caller Excuse me?

1:06:20🔗 Drew Benji's giving you an affirmative nod.

1:06:21🔗 Benji Madden I'm nodding, I'm listening. Interesting.

1:06:25🔗 Caller I'm in therapy, I'm dealing with all my issues with my family, I'm going to school, and I just feel like my last boyfriend was an alcoholic, he was abusive. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm trying, I have a really good relationship with my dad, and I don't understand why I fall for these guys.

1:06:43🔗 Benji Madden So, your boyfriend right now is a porn director, so you obviously find that to be like a problem.

1:06:50🔗 Caller I find it too complicated.

1:06:51🔗 Benji Madden No, but like, what I'm, I mean, I'm, hey, I'm just saying, you don't sound like you're happy with it, so why are you in it?

1:07:01🔗 Caller I don't know, it's like, I haven't, I have no control over who I'm with.

1:07:06🔗 Drew Yes, Dr. Phil. You sound like Dr. Phil now. You need to choose not to be attracted to those guys. I think her question is why is she so attracted to those kinds of guys, the A-holes? Why a guy that's maybe sociopathic or a guy that's an alcoholic, why is she into that kind of guy?

1:07:23🔗 Caller You know, usually you guys talk about, well, it has something to do with your relationship with your father, but I have a really good relationship with my father.

1:07:29🔗 Drew Well, it has something to do, no, no, no, no, no. It has something to do-

1:07:31🔗 Benji Madden My father was in the movies that my boyfriend directs. Just kidding.

1:07:34🔗 Drew It has something to do with what happened to you, what your relationships were like, usually under the age of, certainly under the age of 12, probably under the age of 8. Things that went on then, that when your wiring was getting established in your brain, was felt powerless or out of control or dangerous. When that happens, that becomes the source of attraction later in life. So people that are traumatizing to us, particularly important people, become the kind of people we just find overwhelmingly attractive later on. So what happened?

1:08:09🔗 Caller When I was 5'8? I don't, I mean, I wasn't, I don't, with a male person? A male person?

1:08:19🔗 Drew No, not necessarily. Maybe, I mean.

1:08:20🔗 Benji Madden Traumatic.

1:08:21🔗 Drew Yeah, something traumatic that happened. Something that made you feel in danger. A person made you feel overwhelmed, in danger, out of control. Right, during these ages when the wiring in your brain is being established.

1:08:33🔗 Caller Well, I have a really bad relationship with my mom and I'm working on that right now.

1:08:37🔗 Drew Was she physically abusive?

1:08:40🔗 Caller She's really emotionally and mentally abusive and I think she's also mentally unstable.

1:08:46🔗 Drew Was she an alcoholic?

1:08:47🔗 Caller No, she's just, she's a radical, she's radically religious, she's really religious. Her entire family is religious, like my aunt is Jehovah's Witness and my other aunt homeschooled her kids because she's like afraid they're going to get molested or something.

1:09:03🔗 Drew That means your aunt was molested by the way. Do you understand that? Do you understand? So there probably was something that went down. So the trauma in your family may be being passed down intergenerationally to you. It may have happened to the mom, the grandma.

1:09:16🔗 Benji Madden Like you said, you're in therapy. What's your therapist like say?

1:09:20🔗 Caller My therapist is great. He says that this guy doesn't treat me the way I should be, deserved to be treated and I should get rid of them. But I don't know. It's like I haven't.

1:09:30🔗 Drew You got to do some deeper work, Ashley. You got to do some deeper work.

1:09:33🔗 Benji Madden Because basically you pick a guy, just you're playing out the same script.

1:09:37🔗 Drew Right. You're reenacting your traumas over and over again. And that's what humans do. They wire up in such a way that compels them to reenact the misery of their youth. You find the same kind of person and people justify in all kinds of ways. They say, well, you're trying to master the horrible trauma of your past. No, I think you just kind of wire up, whatever it is about trauma sets up our wiring in a certain way, and that becomes a source of attraction and lust and those things we must have, and those are the sickest part of our brain acting itself out. And so, you can either stop that and make better, more boring choices, how you'll experience it anyway is more boring but healthier, or you need to really do some very heavy work.

1:10:18🔗 Benji Madden Do you ever feel like your boyfriend is a little creepy, being a porn director now?

1:10:22🔗 Caller You know, he's a really nice guy.

1:10:24🔗 Benji Madden He's creepy. Let me tell you something. I would be willing to bet that you're really attractive, because I mean, he looks at these porn stars all day, so I'm sure that you're really attractive, and I'm sure that you could go out in five minutes and meet some accountant that would bring you flowers five times a day.

1:10:43🔗 Drew But they don't make you feel that way. So here's your choice, Ashley. You can be miserable in a chaotic relationship, or you can be happy in a simple life with somebody a little more boring. I know that's a Phil thing.

1:10:56🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, Dr. Phil. Call me Dr. Phil.

1:10:58🔗 Drew But that's true. Or you need to do some very heavy mental health work.

1:11:03🔗 Caller When you say heavy work, what do you mean?

1:11:06🔗 Drew Some insight-oriented psychotherapy, where you really talk about that relationship with mom. And God knows what the... And think about the fact that mom and sis hurt your aunt, must have been severely traumatized to be sort of what they're acting out now. And then that gets passed down to you. And I think when you start looking at that relationship, you'll see how powerless you felt, how traumatic that was, and how painful that may have been chronic and grinding to be with that kind of a mom.

1:11:31🔗 Benji Madden Let me tell you something, girl. You deserve someone good. Alright.

1:11:36🔗 Drew We all deserve something good. Let's go listen to a good Charlotte song. How about that?

1:11:40🔗 Benji Madden Good luck.

1:11:41🔗 Drew Why don't you introduce this song?

1:11:43🔗 Benji Madden Where we are playing a good Charlotte song, predictable, off of the Chronicles of Life and Death. And now Billy, Paul, Joel, fellas, Dino. This one is for you guys.

1:14:54🔗 Drew Good, Charlotte. Predictable. Loveline. Benji here with us tonight.

1:14:59🔗 Benji Madden Yep.

1:15:00🔗 Drew Oh, is your mic on?

1:15:01🔗 Benji Madden Yep.

1:15:01🔗 Drew There we go.

1:15:02🔗 Benji Madden Getting deep, so.

1:15:03🔗 Drew Take a call. Kristin's 20.

1:15:05🔗 Caller Hi. Oh my God.

1:15:06🔗 Drew Hey there. Oh my God.

1:15:08🔗 Benji Madden OMG.

1:15:09🔗 Caller Oh my God, Benji, I love you so much. I can't even take it. Oh my God.

1:15:12🔗 Drew OMG, you're with GC.

1:15:14🔗 Caller What?

1:15:14🔗 Drew And B.

1:15:15🔗 Caller Oh my God.

1:15:17🔗 Caller Way to go, B!

1:15:18🔗 Caller Okay. Okay. Hi. I'm getting like, okay, Dr. I'm getting like I'm in the final stages of getting gastric bypass and I'm freaking out.

1:15:29🔗 Drew Cool. Why?

1:15:30🔗 Caller Because I'm so, I don't know. It's like, I've like my whole life, I've been a fat kid like my entire life.

1:15:36🔗 Drew Oh, you're freaking out about losing all the weight.

1:15:38🔗 Caller Yes.

1:15:39🔗 Drew You know, it's going to listen, I've dealt with a lot of patients with this procedure and it's very effective. You will lose the weight and it will freak you out, Kristen. A lot of people get flipped out about that because the protection of all that weight and the barrier of other people and potentially being attractive to other people, all that stuff is a new and heavy experience for you.

1:16:01🔗 Caller I feel like I'm going to die. I can't explain it.

1:16:03🔗 Drew No, you're not going to die.

1:16:04🔗 Caller Not like die, like die, die. Well, I might die, I don't know. But I mean like die. I've associated myself with being fat my entire life.

1:16:11🔗 Drew Yeah. Why is it so traumatic, so unpleasant, so impossible to be a thin person?

1:16:17🔗 Caller I don't know. I've just never been.

1:16:18🔗 Drew Well, because I know I get that. It's a distortion of your sort of sense of self. But what is so frightening about it?

1:16:25🔗 Caller That like, no, I mean like I've just, I'm, you know, I just turned 20 and I've always been fat. I've associated myself with being fat. And I do not think that.

1:16:33🔗 Drew I know. Yes. You said the same thing.

1:16:35🔗 Benji Madden I'm sorry.

1:16:36🔗 Caller I'm sorry. I just, I can't.

1:16:37🔗 Benji Madden Being a fat kid is more than being overweight. You know, like when you like associate yourself with that, you end up like trying to, well, I know a lot of people, they end up trying to use common humor. You know, they always end up making fun of themselves.

1:16:51🔗 Drew You know, what I find is you don't have one of your sort of strategies, which is food. You also don't have one of your barriers to people. So you don't feel as safe. And that's all. And those are unnormal. Those are abnormal. Those are unnatural. That's not, that's not healthy.

1:17:07🔗 Caller I know. But like, I don't know how I'm going to cope.

1:17:09🔗 Drew I guess that will give us some hints. Or is there some reason why you'd be so overwhelmed about the proximity of other people?

1:17:15🔗 Caller It's, like, I'm, like, strangely enough, I have a lot of friends. And I have my friends. And it's just that, like, I've always, I don't know how to, like, to relate to them. I've, I've related as the, like, almost like the sidekick in my group. You know what I mean? Like, I'm, you know, I'm, like, I'm the funny one. I'm that one. My friends come to me when they're upset. And I feel, I feel like a part of that is because of the way I am. And, like, if I change, will all my relationships change with my friends?

1:17:42🔗 Drew Things will change, but you're, the, the Kristen that you have known is definitely going to be different. And that's good. Change is good. When we start out the show, that Benji and we're talking about, change is good. Who moved my cheese? Right? Change is good. That's right.

1:17:55🔗 Benji Madden You know what?

1:17:56🔗 Drew You've got to lose a little bit to gain, but you'll lose some parts of yourself that maybe-

1:18:00🔗 Benji Madden Careful with some of your guy friends.

1:18:02🔗 Drew Just- We were just talking about this. You don't trust the guys.

1:18:05🔗 Benji Madden If they're, you know, 17 to 20.

1:18:08🔗 Drew 17.7.

1:18:10🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, you find the guys you used to have slumber parties with, you know, as you're ready, that you find them in the middle of- Yeah, okay.

1:18:16🔗 Drew Just be kind.

1:18:17🔗 Benji Madden Hey, you're going to do good, all right? Be excited. You're about to enter a new chapter in your life, and you know what? For the record, okay, looks, physical, character, you know, that isn't everything. You know what though? If you feel good about yourself, go get them, girl.

1:18:32🔗 Drew But it will mean a lot though. Let's not kid you. It's going to be a different Kristen, and it's going to be scary, and you got to keep close friends around you.

1:18:41🔗 Benji Madden Turn me in to Dr. Phil again.

1:18:43🔗 Drew I know. Realize that there's going to be a big change, and you might feel some depression, you might feel some fear, you might have anxiety, and it's all part of growing, and moving into a much more positive and healthy relation to other people.

1:18:54🔗 Benji Madden Welcome those emotions.

1:18:55🔗 Drew And if you were traumatized as a kid, were you traumatized as a kid? Is that why you got fat?

1:18:59🔗 Caller No, I was a fat embryo. I sort of got fat.

1:19:01🔗 Drew Okay, but you didn't use food as a way of pushing people away.

1:19:03🔗 Benji Madden Did you live next to a fast food restaurant?

1:19:06🔗 Caller Yeah, kind of.

1:19:09🔗 Drew It's going to be good, Kristen. It's going to be good, all right?

1:19:11🔗 Caller I have a question.

1:19:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:19:12🔗 Caller Okay, oh god, this is so embarrassing because Benji's on it. Okay, it's a period question. Okay, I've had a period for like a month and a half. Is that normal?

1:19:19🔗 Drew When you have excess weight, when you're obese, the fat tissue produces excess estrogen so you don't ovulate normally. And yes, you can have a lot of irregular bleeding.

1:19:30🔗 Caller Will that affect my surgery?

1:19:32🔗 Drew No, that's going to go away when you have your surgery.

1:19:34🔗 Caller Oh my God.

1:19:35🔗 Drew Now get all better.

1:19:36🔗 Caller Oh God. Okay.

1:19:36🔗 Benji Madden You're going to have a blast. You're going to go like surfing and stuff.

1:19:42🔗 Drew Kristen in her future life. Skydiving and surfing and kayaking.

1:19:46🔗 Caller Awesome.

1:19:47🔗 Drew All right, let's take a little break here. Benji from Good Charlotte is our guest. Last time, November 24th, 2003. I have a hard time believing that, but not going to be a stranger going forward, right?

1:19:56🔗 Benji Madden No, no, I'm going to be living here in LA now.

1:19:58🔗 Drew Yeah. I'm going to see you in Pasadena all the time.

1:20:00🔗 Benji Madden I'm going to be up here all the time. I'm going to show up on Nights I'm Not Invited.

1:20:05🔗 Drew I remember when you and your brother were up here like a second or third time you had ever been here, you told producer Ann, you go, I love this show, I'll come up anytime. How about tomorrow night? You go, I'll be here tomorrow night. He was waiting at the door. He was like, I told you I'd be here. We were just kidding, Benji. We were just kidding.

1:20:22🔗 Benji Madden Hey, well, I wasn't. I listened to the show religiously. When I was in high school trying to figure out everything, this was one of the reasons.

1:20:30🔗 Drew And now as an adult Phi Beta Kappa alumni of this organization, you're helping others. You're kidding.

1:20:39🔗 Benji Madden Hey, what happened to? Yeah, B.

1:20:43🔗 Caller Way to go, B.

1:20:44🔗 Benji Madden Yeah.

1:20:44🔗 Drew All right. 1-800-LOVE-191. Give us your calls. We'll be right back.

1:20:56🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back.

1:21:03🔗 Drew That's right, it's Loveline 1-800-LOVE-191. Benji from Good Charlotte in here tonight.

1:21:08🔗 Benji Madden Yeah, yeah.

1:21:09🔗 Drew That's right, here's Stephanie, who's 24. Stephanie.

1:21:14🔗 Caller Hello?

1:21:15🔗 Drew Here we go.

1:21:15🔗 Benji Madden Hey, Stephanie.

1:21:16🔗 Caller Oh my gosh, I haven't listened to you guys since I was like in sixth grade, I'm so excited.

1:21:20🔗 Benji Madden Wow.

1:21:21🔗 Drew So is Benji. Right?

1:21:24🔗 Benji Madden Wait, you're 24?

1:21:25🔗 Drew Yeah. 12 years. 12 years. Oh, happy, today is?

1:21:28🔗 Benji Madden You've been listening to us for 12 years.

1:21:29🔗 Drew Happy birthday. She means the show, not necessarily you.

1:21:33🔗 Caller Okay, okay.

1:21:35🔗 Caller Um, oh hang on one second.

1:21:38🔗 Drew Where are you?

1:21:39🔗 Caller I'm at my boyfriend's house.

1:21:41🔗 Drew Okay, all right, here we go.

1:21:42🔗 Caller Okay, I have a question. I can't, like every time we're having sex and I get off, I can't, like, I push him away all the time, I'm getting close to orgasm, and then when I do orgasm, it's like after that, I don't want to do it anymore or something and it's all sensitive.

1:22:00🔗 Drew Of course.

1:22:00🔗 Caller Well, how come, like, I want to be able to, like, last longer or something like that?

1:22:05🔗 Drew How long till you have a climax?

1:22:06🔗 Benji Madden You come before he does?

1:22:09🔗 Caller No, not when, like, we're, like, masturbating or playing with each other or something like that. I don't, I don't ever come when we're having sex.

1:22:15🔗 Drew You don't, you don't have, so it's oral sex only, right?

1:22:17🔗 Caller Yeah, or when I'm playing with myself or he's playing with me or the toy or something like that.

1:22:21🔗 Drew Right, okay, and that's, which is most women, most women do not have an orgasm with intercourse. That's very common. So, what's your, I understand what your question is. You're describing normal function. That's how women function. What is your expectation?

1:22:36🔗 Caller Like, just to, like after I get that climax, like to do it, to want to go at it again.

1:22:44🔗 Benji Madden Does he want to like do it again?

1:22:45🔗 Drew Hang on, when he, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. After he has a climax, is he ready to have sex again immediately?

1:22:52🔗 Caller No, not immediately, but like 30 minutes.

1:22:56🔗 Drew How about you, 30 minutes?

1:22:57🔗 Caller No.

1:22:58🔗 Drew How long does it take?

1:23:01🔗 Caller I'm just like, most of the time I'm just like over it.

1:23:03🔗 Benji Madden Seven days.

1:23:03🔗 Drew He's just not interested. All right, that's you.

1:23:05🔗 Caller Maybe the next day or whatever.

1:23:06🔗 Drew That's fine, well, that's normal. That's fine, that's good.

1:23:09🔗 Caller But I feel like, so I feel like there's something wrong with me or something.

1:23:12🔗 Drew Oh my God, Stephanie. This is one of the things that drives me more crazy than anything else is women feeling flawed for being normal. That somehow you're supposed to measure up to something that you've seen in a porno.

1:23:22🔗 Benji Madden Amen.

1:23:22🔗 Drew Or something that, in a men's magazine, you know, a fantasy that they have. This is, Stephanie, you're a normal, healthy person. Please protect that.

1:23:31🔗 Benji Madden Do you feel bad about it? Or do you feel like he wants something different and you feel bad because of that?

1:23:35🔗 Caller No, no. He's always, he's really, he's always like, oh yeah, it's okay, babe, whatever. And I'm like, oh, I feel like, oh, because like I have this friend.

1:23:44🔗 Benji Madden You should buy him an Xbox.

1:23:45🔗 Caller She's like so like, oh, she's always like telling us, like, oh yeah, we go at it all the time.

1:23:50🔗 Drew And like, does she, is she? Well, there's, here's the thing about women is that people, they're all different. They're women are different. Men are not different. Women are all different orgasms. Some women have, can have a series of sequential orgasms, like two or three in a, in a, in a session and they will usually have orgasm with intercourse. Some women could have, have 50 orgasms in a session. They can have one every 10 seconds.

1:24:12🔗 Benji Madden Some women scream.

1:24:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:24:13🔗 Drew And some women can, and most women will never have an orgasm with intercourse. Some women cry. But still are normal and will have normal stuff, you know, experience.

1:24:22🔗 Caller Yes.

1:24:23🔗 Caller Yes.

1:24:25🔗 Drew See. Yeah.

1:24:26🔗 Benji Madden It gets you every time. See. That's all.

1:24:29🔗 Drew Relax, my dear. Your boyfriend's fine. You're normal. Okay?

1:24:32🔗 Caller Okay.

1:24:33🔗 Benji Madden Y'all are working out.

1:24:34🔗 Caller But another thing.

1:24:35🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:24:37🔗 Caller Nothing comes out usually.

1:24:39🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:24:39🔗 Drew That's also normal.

1:24:40🔗 Caller When you have an orgasm, I mean.

1:24:41🔗 Drew Correct. When you have an orgasm, yes. And what's your question?

1:24:45🔗 Caller That's it. That was it.

1:24:47🔗 Benji Madden Should something come out?

1:24:49🔗 Drew Very few women have anything come out.

1:24:51🔗 Benji Madden You've been reading a lot of porn, have you? Do you read a lot of porn or watch porn?

1:24:56🔗 Caller I don't know.

1:24:57🔗 Drew Ask her again.

1:24:58🔗 Caller I don't know.

1:24:58🔗 Benji Madden It's not really good. Hey, hey, listen, do you do you read a lot of porn, watch porn or surf the internet?

1:25:05🔗 Caller We watch a lot of porn.

1:25:07🔗 Benji Madden See, you're trying to be in like a porno.

1:25:09🔗 Drew But that's not what that's acting.

1:25:12🔗 Benji Madden Yeah.

1:25:12🔗 Drew That's fantasy. It's not real. Stephanie, I know it's too devastated.

1:25:18🔗 Caller No, I don't try to be like a porn.

1:25:21🔗 Benji Madden Do you sit on the Internet late at night and look at porn? Do you want to do porn?

1:25:35🔗 Caller No, no, no, no.

1:25:36🔗 Caller No, no, no, no.

1:25:39🔗 Caller I just thought that we were supposed, like, women were supposed to have, like, more of a... Like, we're supposed to be more... I don't know. I don't know how to say it.

1:25:50🔗 Drew Crazy?

1:25:51🔗 Caller I don't know. Or what?

1:25:54🔗 Drew Describe what it is you're trying to say.

1:25:55🔗 Caller Want to do it more or afterwards want to do it again?

1:25:59🔗 Drew No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Most people want to have an orgasm and then they're done. And most women are a little, most women are usually a little under their male partner, but sometimes that can be reversed. So it's all good.

1:26:14🔗 Benji Madden You sound like normal, like really normal.

1:26:17🔗 Drew Relax, okay?

1:26:18🔗 Caller I thought I felt much more. I thought there was something like, do I not, do we have a viagra?

1:26:23🔗 Benji Madden You feel better now? Do you feel better now, though? Hey, do you feel good now? You feel all right?

1:26:27🔗 Caller Yeah, I feel a lot better.

1:26:28🔗 Benji Madden There you go.

1:26:29🔗 Drew How pathetic is it, though, that a normal, healthy women feel bad?

1:26:32🔗 Caller I'm so embarrassed to call in a mom 24 and I'm asking them this question.

1:26:35🔗 Benji Madden Oh, you're all good, girl.

1:26:36🔗 Drew No, Stephanie, I get this all the time and it drives me insane that women sit around feeling flawed because the sort of standard that has been held up for women is a biology that is normal only for a 17-year-old male.

1:26:51🔗 Boy.

1:26:52🔗 Benji Madden Yeah.

1:26:53🔗 Drew And that's not normal for a 24-year-old female.

1:26:56🔗 No.

1:26:56🔗 Drew Or a 40-year-old male. Or a 36-year-old female. It's not normal. What you're describing is, and by normal, I mean most women experience what you experience.

1:27:08🔗 Caller Okay. All right.

1:27:11🔗 Drew Good times. Take care now. Man, is she happy. Another satisfied customer. This is a Christina who's 18.

1:27:17🔗 Benji Madden Change her life.

1:27:18🔗 Drew Change it. One call.

1:27:19🔗 Benji Madden See that?

1:27:19🔗 Drew It's fantastic. Christina.

1:27:22🔗 Caller Hello.

1:27:23🔗 Benji Madden Hey, Christina.

1:27:24🔗 Caller Hi.

1:27:26🔗 Drew You know what? That's a horrible connection. We can't really hear her. We're going to get Stevie who's 25. Stevie?

1:27:31🔗 Caller Yes, hello?

1:27:32🔗 Drew Hey, what's up, Stevie?

1:27:33🔗 Caller Oh, hi. Yes, I have a question about birth control. I took birth control for two years and I got pregnant on birth control. What pill?

1:27:44🔗 Drew Which pill?

1:27:44🔗 Caller Orthotricyclin.

1:27:46🔗 Drew And you were taking it properly at the same time every day?

1:27:48🔗 Caller Yes. Even when I was younger because my periods were so strong, my nurse practitioner put me on it to control them.

1:27:55🔗 Drew And you weren't taking any antibiotics or any other medication or drugs or alcohol or anything like that?

1:28:00🔗 Caller No. Nothing at the time. I don't smoke or anything like that.

1:28:03🔗 Drew And you got pregnant on the pill?

1:28:04🔗 Caller And I got pregnant on the pill. And now every time we get busy, I'm concerned about getting pregnant.

1:28:09🔗 Drew Why don't you add a condom to the mix and that will pretty much take care of it.

1:28:13🔗 Benji Madden Throw a little condom up in the mix.

1:28:14🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, even when we use that, I'm still really concerned. I just get really nervous and then it kind of kills the mood.

1:28:26🔗 Drew I imagine you would.

1:28:27🔗 Caller Yeah. And so now I don't...

1:28:29🔗 Benji Madden Kind of a mood killer.

1:28:30🔗 Caller Yeah. Exactly. So I don't know how to get it out of my head, like it's going to be okay, because we've been together, you know, I mean, for a long time since I was 14.

1:28:38🔗 Drew Do you have him wear a condom every time?

1:28:40🔗 Caller Uh, not... Most of the time, yes.

1:28:43🔗 Drew All right. Why don't you realize that with a condom and the oral contraceptive, your risks are really, effectively, zero. It's zero.

1:28:51🔗 Caller I... Okay.

1:28:53🔗 Drew It really is. And if that isn't enough to convince you, then that's an irrational fear and it's sort of a phobia. And I can only tell you that the way to deal with that, then, is to get used to having sex without anxiety. In other words, you have to go in and find ways to calm yourself, have the experience, and it will sort of... It's like fear of flying or anything else. You have to learn to do these things without the fear being induced. So there you go. One last quickie for Tim. 15. Tim.

1:29:19🔗 Hi. I had a question for Benji.

1:29:21🔗 Drew Here he is.

1:29:22🔗 Benji Madden What's up, man?

1:29:23🔗 Hey, I just had a question regarding like... I know a lot of your songs are just regarding like Lifestyle, the Rich and Famous, and you know, just like people that are rich. And I was just wondering what message you're trying to get across with that.

1:29:36🔗 Benji Madden Well, basically, we only have one song about that.

1:29:42🔗 Drew You have a lot of your songs on that.

1:29:43🔗 Benji Madden And I mean, you know, I, the message, I guess, with that song in particular is we, we, where we came from our background was the have-nots kind of, you know, and we definitely feel like people should appreciate it. We definitely appreciate, you know, all the things that we've gotten and the places we've been, the places we've traveled, and we just feel really lucky. And, you know, you get frustrated when you watch people, especially, well, when we wrote that song, it was at a different time in our life, you know, and so we were kind of speaking through those eyes. And now, you know, I've kind of learned you can't tell people how to live. You definitely wish, though, that people could see how much they have to appreciate, you know, I definitely feel, wake up every day feeling, you know, so lucky. And so, yeah.

1:30:35🔗 Drew All right, it's time for another break, believe it or not. All right, Benji and Dr. Drew will be right back.

1:30:39🔗 Caller The Loveline will be right back, be right back.

1:30:54🔗 Drew Well, that about does it for Loveline. I want to say happy birthday to phone screener Patricia, whom all of you speak to before you get to us, or she's actually the one you're angry with, that prevents you from getting to us. Benji from Good Charlotte. Benji, a pleasure. I hope you will come back soon. I know you will.

1:31:11🔗 Benji Madden I will.

1:31:11🔗 Drew Because you love the show, and Ann's taking your home phone number with her, and if we need you, we're calling for you.

1:31:17🔗 Caller All right.

1:31:17🔗 Drew Because you're a natural, we appreciate it.

1:31:19🔗 Benji Madden So I'll see you kids soon.

1:31:20🔗 Drew It's a good show. Thank you, and so it's a-

1:31:21🔗 Caller Way to go, B!

1:31:22🔗 Drew That's right. Tomorrow night, we've got DL. Hughley for a couple of nights, then Danny Bonaducci later in the show. So until that time, this is Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Oh, I'm not attractive. Therefore, I can't feel sexual. And if you- How can you be attracted to me if I look like this?

1:31:38🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback