Tuesday, October 25, 2005

0:57🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised.

1:13🔗 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17🔗 Voiceover With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20🔗 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Loveline, man. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, Tom Kinney in the studio tonight. SpongeBob, amongst other voices. What all voices do you do on SpongeBob SquarePants?

1:39🔗 Tom Kenny Oh, I do SpongeBob.

1:41🔗 Adam Sure.

1:41🔗 Tom Kenny I do Gary, his meowing snail, that pretty much just says meow.

1:44🔗 Drew Yes, except one time he speaks with an English accent.

1:47🔗 Tom Kenny That's true. That's true. Although, you would think that after four seasons, they would have gotten hip to the fact that they could just use the meows from the first season and not have to pay me.

1:58🔗 Drew Did you do the Gary when he actually spoke?

2:01🔗 Tom Kenny Yes, I believe I did. I believe I did. And then there's like a Jean Cousteau, a French narrator that is on there. And there's a goofy live action pirate named Pachi that hosts some of the shows that I do. A pirate that lives in Encino.

2:15🔗 Drew Who's Mr. Krabby?

2:17🔗 Tom Kenny That is the great Clancy Brown of Shawshank Redemption and Carnival fame.

2:23🔗 Adam Also makes a great chocolate-covered ice cream swirl cone. Clancy Muldoons. Yeah, I think that was the name of the place.

2:31🔗 Tom Kenny Clancy Muldoons, yeah.

2:33🔗 Adam Hey, remember when there used to be ice cream places?

2:35🔗 Drew Yeah, Swenson's.

2:36🔗 Adam Yeah, there was the Farrells. Yeah, I don't know if you had a Farrells. We had them from...

2:42🔗 Tom Kenny Oh yeah, Syracuse, New York. They didn't have them out there, but were those like kind of like the ragtimey ones?

2:49🔗 Drew Yeah, sort of 1890s-esque kind of like ice cream parlors.

2:52🔗 Adam Somebody decided between Farrells and Shakeys that kids were in love with ragtime and Scott Joplin. Yes. Is it nine-year-old? There's nothing more you like than the 20s, the music of the 20s. Hey, hello my baby, hello my... The guy with the straw hat, the straight bass coming out there.

3:14🔗 Drew The barbershop quartet. I was so into those.

3:16🔗 Adam Yeah, in 1976, I couldn't get enough of it. It was one of those things where, like, it's one of those things that got foisted. When we were kids, you guys have SpongeBob SquarePants, you have entertainment, you have variety, you have cable, you have satellite, you find... What we had is what grown-ups thought we would think was good, but we didn't like.

3:37🔗 Drew We were depressed with our long hair, looking down at the ground all the time.

3:41🔗 Tom Kenny These kids need a good dose of the gay 90s.

3:43🔗 Adam Yeah. Somebody decided that we were in love with the Depression, Scott Joplin in banjo music in the 70s.

3:51🔗 Tom Kenny And pizza and ice cream.

3:53🔗 Adam Right. And every single thing... If you open a theme restaurant, it was a guy in a straw hat with a red and white striped vest on, who had a bow tie and couldn't sing. And that's what it was about. And the thing about Shakey's is Shakey's... Well, you'd have a party there and they had the zoo.

4:09🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. No, no.

4:10🔗 Adam The zoo was the big...

4:10🔗 Drew Shakey's had the ferals.

4:11🔗 Adam Oh, I'm sorry. Ferals had the zoo.

4:13🔗 Drew Could you eat that in the pig trough or something?

4:16🔗 Adam You know what? Well, I recently got my high school diploma, but before that, a few months back, when I went back and got my diploma, that was the only certificate I'd ever received.

4:25🔗 Drew You'd eaten a pig trough.

4:26🔗 Adam I finished a pig trough off at Ferals in 1977.

4:29🔗 Drew What's the zoo?

4:30🔗 Adam What's the zoo?

4:31🔗 Drew 40 pounds of ice cream.

4:32🔗 Adam The zoo was a huge tub of ice cream that had actual little plastic animals in it. It would be a lawsuit now. You'd hope they were plastic. 80 kids choke a year on the zoo. But you would go there. If you had a party, you would throw the party at the Ferals and you'd invite 10 kids and they'd all just dig in.

4:52🔗 Drew And eventually their face would be buried in it.

4:53🔗 Tom Kenny That's a health violation big time.

4:55🔗 Adam Yeah.

4:55🔗 Drew I wonder where the obesity and heart disease is coming from today.

4:59🔗 Adam They would hit the bass drum, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. They'd do a siren and the guys would run out.

5:04🔗 Tom Kenny Well, there's a reason that like when kids go to Disneyland, they can't get through Main Street USA fast enough. They just like sprint past all that stuff to get to fantasy land.

5:13🔗 Drew And that as you bring that up, that was sort of the paradigm that is all modeled after that.

5:19🔗 Adam Yeah. I'm just wondering, I know we just sound like three old Jews out on the porch of our retirement villa.

5:26🔗 If I could just, it's a fair fact, shaking our fists at the kids.

5:29🔗 You guys seen one teenager? Your voices are like old.

5:32🔗 Drew If I could just digress, Adam and I did his I Did Adam show tonight and they had a little man in the street thing where, have you ever heard of Adam Corolla? This woman's going, no. Oh, I saw him on Dawson's Creek once with some old guy talking about.

5:45🔗 Yeah, true, it was the old guy.

5:47🔗 Adam Yeah, real knee in the groin.

5:49🔗 Drew Oh man.

5:50🔗 Adam Tom Kenny in tonight. Yes, go ahead, Sponge.

5:54🔗 Tom Kenny I'm seeing you on a lot of billboards for a lot of different projects.

5:57🔗 Adam Yeah, well, we got the TLC show, the Adam Carolla Project, which is on tonight at 10 o'clock on TLC, which is an excellent show. I saw tonight's episode.

6:06🔗 Drew Except it's not on narrow for some reason.

6:08🔗 Adam I don't know why it's not on narrow.

6:09🔗 Drew I saw it at nine o'clock, or eight o'clock. I saw it at eight o'clock.

6:12🔗 Adam Maybe they moved it earlier, but it was a good episode tonight and a good show. Drew is on the Comedy Central Show tonight. A little too late action, of course. Here we are. Now, Tom is here to talk about Lucha Vivoom, which he spoke about before, which is Pro Wrestling meets the Circus, meets what? Mexican wrestling?

6:34🔗 Tom Kenny I don't know what it is. These shows we do a few times a year at the Mayan Theater downtown. We're doing Wednesday and Thursday. Actually, I think both shows are completely sold out.

6:44🔗 Adam Wow.

6:44🔗 Tom Kenny For Wednesday and Thursday, but yeah, it's-

6:46🔗 Drew Tom will be going home.

6:47🔗 Tom Kenny Mexican wrestling, yeah. No need for me to promote it anymore. But Mexican wrestling, burlesque dancing, and wise guy comics, much like you guys, teenagers with old guy voices doing the commentary.

6:58🔗 Adam November 17th and 18th, it's Caesar's Palace.

7:01🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, we're doing the Vegas Comedy Festival on the 17th and 18th. That's Caesar's. The Midnight Show.

7:07🔗 Adam Whose brainchild was Lucha Vavoum?

7:09🔗 Tom Kenny Lucha Vavoum, and if I'm not mistaken, it was Rita D. Albert and Liz Fairbairn are the two producers. Chicks.

7:16🔗 Drew Wow, where'd the name come from?

7:18🔗 Tom Kenny As far as I know.

7:18🔗 Adam One of them's got to be a little Lucha, a little Vavoum.

7:21🔗 Tom Kenny You know, the Lucha, you know, Lucha Libre is the, the Spanish, the Mexican wrestling. And Vavoum is a character from Felix the Cat.

7:31🔗 Adam Yeah, there you go.

7:33🔗 Tom Kenny So yeah, but it's just, it's just crazy and insane and wild and everybody goes crazy and it's, you know, sponsored by Tequila Company. So it's out of control.

7:42🔗 Adam I think Mexican wrestling has had a little bit of a renaissance, at least in this country.

7:49🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah.

7:50🔗 Adam We, we, we ignored it. We dismissed it for a while, but now I think we're on board.

7:54🔗 Drew The Insane Clown Posse brought it, brought it back with us.

7:56🔗 Adam Yeah.

7:57🔗 Drew Well, you know, Let's hear a little bit of those guys.

7:59🔗 Tom Kenny Actually on Thursday, Thursday, there's the Chupacabra is making his, his LA debut, his worldwide debut.

8:08🔗 Really?

8:09🔗 Tom Kenny According to this. Yes. Chupacabra, loose translation, blood sucking demon from hell.

8:13🔗 Yeah.

8:15🔗 Adam Goat sucker.

8:15🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, the goat sucker, the goat sucker. So leave your goats at home if you're going to bring your goat down to the Mayan. Don't do it. Yes, this hissing fang demon will attempt to spill the blood of his opponents, much like he did in a bloodlust rampage in Chilipango, Mexico last summer.

8:31🔗 Adam Bloodlust rampage. Yeah. All right. And of course, SpongeBob, Nickelodeon.

8:36🔗 Tom Kenny Yes, myself, Blaine Capac, doing the commentary and, man, many, many top of the line burlesque dancers.

8:45🔗 Adam What year are we in for SpongeBob?

8:48🔗 Tom Kenny You know, we are in season four, although it's been, yeah, it's been on the air, I think it went to series in 2000.

8:56🔗 Adam How, but let me ask you this, it seems like SpongeBob has been a phenomenon since I was in high school. Like, could it be, is it possible that it's four seasons?

9:08🔗 Drew I would say 98.

9:08🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

9:10🔗 Drew 98 would be my pick.

9:11🔗 Tom Kenny It does seem like, like I've been giving it, it just seems like- I've been giving it three months for four years.

9:16🔗 Drew When you came up with the voice, would you turn in multiple voices or something?

9:19🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, you know, we just kind of tried to figure out, you know, what this drawing would sound like and the creator guy Steve Hillenburg told me what he was kind of hearing in his head and what he wanted in it. There's nothing more boring than hearing cartoons dissected scientifically.

9:33🔗 Drew Do you do Patrick too or?

9:35🔗 Tom Kenny No, that is Bill Fagerbachy of Oz, Oz and the prison drama Oz, not a lot of crossover with the SpongeBob audience. And also Coach, he was Dauber on the sitcom Coach.

9:48🔗 Adam Wow, the blonde guy?

9:50🔗 Tom Kenny The big blonde guy, dude.

9:51🔗 Adam Yeah.

9:52🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, he does big and stupid really well.

9:54🔗 Adam Yeah, he's awesome at big and stupid. That's a horrible name for Clothier, big and stupid, because just the big guys come in there, but then it's like, what the, I don't, no one needs this. You know, my name for big and tall shop, which I'm just dying for someone to take, Big Sur. Big Sur. I like it, SAR. Now picture out front, okay, the big, the big is just the I in big and the I in sur are mighty oak trees.

10:21🔗 Tom Kenny No, no, they're redwoods, redwoods.

10:23🔗 Drew Sequoias. Yes, yes, but with a car driving through one of them.

10:26🔗 Adam Car driving through, but it forms, it roughly forms the legs of a man, hands on hips of the tree.

10:33🔗 Drew And he's holding a bat. Oh no, no, no.

10:35🔗 Adam There he is. And it's, you know, the canopy sort of, the fro of the man, big sir.

10:41🔗 Tom Kenny I like it.

10:41🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

10:42🔗 Tom Kenny So big and tall, like if you're buying your clothes at a big and tall, that means either vertically or horizontally, right? Like I mean, it's a, you're either a tall drinker, or you're morbidly obese.

10:50🔗 Drew No size fits you.

10:51🔗 Adam It is, it is replaced fat asses. It's my number one big and tall.

10:56🔗 Drew That's your other.

10:57🔗 Yeah.

10:58🔗 Drew Tall freaks and fat asses.

11:01🔗 Tom Kenny Lard ass suit broker.

11:02🔗 Adam Bean poles and fat asses is the other one. I would like to give it, you know, I think there's enough people out there that either have low enough self-esteem or just morbidly curious enough to come in to a place that almost dares them to come in by naming it fat asses plus or something, you know, just just the curiosity seekers and this the piece, the guys have a sense of humor, you know.

11:26🔗 Tom Kenny Threads for the corpulent man in the town.

11:28🔗 Adam I like the Forgotten Woman is the name of the big player.

11:32🔗 Tom Kenny What?

11:32🔗 Adam There's a place called the Forgotten Woman.

11:34🔗 Drew No, but still, there's a place in Monrovia that's got the best name of all called the Wizard of Bras.

11:39🔗 Adam Oh, really?

11:40🔗 Tom Kenny I have actually, yes, I have actually, I have actually sat in the nerd husband chair in that.

11:48🔗 Adam Oh, really? Oh, sweet.

11:50🔗 Drew Oh, nice. That's an accomplishment.

11:52🔗 Adam There's a-

11:52🔗 Tom Kenny Oh, during pregnancy, only during, yeah, it was a pregnancy thing.

11:55🔗 Drew It's a market distinction, though. They should be like a little stamp or something.

11:58🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, it's like, it's like-

11:59🔗 Drew Well, take home.

12:00🔗 Tom Kenny I was, I survived.

12:00🔗 Adam There's a place in Van Nuys that does the pre-manufactured lawns called the Marquis de Sade.

12:07🔗 Drew A nice-

12:08🔗 Adam Which I like too.

12:09🔗 Tom Kenny Wow.

12:09🔗 Drew S-O-D.

12:10🔗 Adam Yeah.

12:11🔗 Drew Strong.

12:11🔗 Tom Kenny What is that, like real grass or is it like the- The astroturf.

12:15🔗 Adam It's what you would call sawed. Yes, it is. It has a name. Know what they do?

12:19🔗 Drew Marathon grass.

12:21🔗 Adam They grow grass and they actually roll it up- And they come in and they put it, they put it on your front yard like it's tiles. You ever see that?

12:28🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, I've seen that. You know, I'm thinking of going for the AstroTurf. I am just, I'm going, you know what? I would have, I would have balked at it a couple of years ago, but now that I'm a homeowner, I don't want to do anything hard.

12:40🔗 Adam Yeah. No, you should just, you should go ahead and just wrap yourself in it and wait to die. Alicia? Hi. What's happening?

12:48🔗 Drew Alicia?

12:49🔗 Adam Alicia?

12:50🔗 Alicia.

12:52🔗 Adam Go ahead.

12:53🔗 Um, okay, I don't know how to start, but, uh, you know how when a person walks down the street and some people will be like, oh, they're so hot, you know, or, you know, I, I do him or I do her.

13:08🔗 Drew I mean, you mean, you mean you have sexual feelings by looking at other people?

13:13🔗 Well, other people do. And I don't have that. Yeah, I don't. When I see a person, I can. They can be like beautiful or, you know, physically attractive, but not sexually.

13:26🔗 Drew Most most women don't have that. Sadly, yeah, most men do. Most women don't. But some women do.

13:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

13:33🔗 Well, my problem was that I can be sexually aroused when I'm touched. But as soon as we're like in the act or, you know, going towards that goal. And I have a moment to think like just a split second to think, I just want it to be over and I want them to be away from me.

13:58🔗 Adam And do you go, you're like a guy, you have an older sister, this could work for me.

14:03🔗 Drew Do you proceed? Do you finish? Or do you stop it?

14:06🔗 No, I let them.

14:08🔗 Drew Have you ever had a boyfriend?

14:10🔗 Adam Yeah, I always love women. Women, they speak in terms of I let them. I let the guy do this to me.

14:17🔗 Tom Kenny I let him.

14:18🔗 Adam Yeah, I was tired of fighting with him and I let him.

14:21🔗 Drew It's equivalent of a guy thinking after having not eaten for two weeks. I let the steak go into my stomach. I let the french fries in. No, it's not the way guys think.

14:32🔗 Tom Kenny So you just want to have a moment to think about it. You just want to get out. It's not like cat people where you turn into a leopard or something like that.

14:39🔗 Drew You just want to get it over with. But how long, what's the longest relationship you've had?

14:45🔗 About a year and a half.

14:47🔗 Drew And how did, was it the same way in that relationship?

14:51🔗 Yeah, sometimes.

14:52🔗 Drew You getting the anger thing there?

14:55🔗 Adam It's really like if you were a jukebox, I would kick you. That's the way I feel about most of our callers. Come on baby, let's go. Pace it up, national radio. Alicia, what happened? Did you get abused?

15:06🔗 Drew Right, you need to tell us.

15:07🔗 Adam What happened, you angry at men? Where's your dad?

15:10🔗 No, I'm not angry at men. And I don't, God, I don't want to be one of those callers that, you know, it's like, it's sexual abuse, you know, because I really don't think it started way before, like, any sort of...

15:24🔗 Drew Did you have some kind of abuse growing up?

15:27🔗 Well, both of my parents are dead and, yeah, and so...

15:33🔗 Drew What'd they die of?

15:35🔗 My mom died when I was four.

15:37🔗 Drew Of what?

15:37🔗 And she had cancer.

15:40🔗 Drew My goodness.

15:41🔗 They found out the day I was born that she had cancer and...

15:44🔗 And your dad, what happened to him?

15:46🔗 He just died two years ago this month.

15:50🔗 Drew Of what?

15:51🔗 A heart attack and my stepmother.

15:55🔗 Drew Your stepmother killed him.

15:56🔗 Adam She hates her stepmom.

15:57🔗 Drew Of course.

15:58🔗 Adam But let me just say this, with women. Real mom dies at age four. Does stepmom stand a chance?

16:04🔗 Drew None.

16:05🔗 Adam They're gonna hate her guts.

16:06🔗 Drew She could be a sister to Mother Teresa.

16:07🔗 Adam Mother Teresa could blow in there. You could take Mother Teresa and Florence Henderson and Florence Nightingale and put them all in a Cuisinart and pour them into the mold of a lovable black woman. And she would hate her guts. And that's the way, women are very good.

16:22🔗 Drew Very even about that, very just.

16:23🔗 Adam Now do the math of my stepdad and my sister.

16:26🔗 Oh, yeah, awesome.

16:28🔗 Adam Poor guy didn't stand a chance. Thank God he didn't talk so no one knew what he was thinking. Yeah. All right, Alicia.

16:37🔗 This woman kicked me out two days after my dad died and proclaimed that we wouldn't get anything. And she's like burned all of her family photos. So she was now Mother Teresa.

16:48🔗 Adam Yeah.

16:49🔗 Drew All right. Well, you've had lots of trauma in your life, Alicia. So naturally enough, being close to other people carries with it a great deal of uncomfortable feelings, a threatening feeling.

16:56🔗 Tom Kenny And you're going to people that are supposed to stick around and be with you till you're till you're old.

17:02🔗 Drew And they sound like there was even more chaos than them leaving. There was, you know, choosing bad partners and God knows what else was going on.

17:10🔗 Adam Yeah. What did your dad do for a living?

17:13🔗 He was just opera management at Southwestern Bell.

17:20🔗 Adam Southwestern Bell, did you say? Okay.

17:22🔗 Drew So Alicia, listen, you can get treatment for this, you can see a therapist or get in a relationship with a nice guy and kind of work it out with somebody who actually cares about you. But if you really can't be close to somebody, you can't have sexual feelings. That's a real serious problem. And you would want to look into that.

17:36🔗 Adam Yeah. The percentage of women, girls, that claim they were kicked out of their house by their stepmom or stepdad for no reason versus the ones where there's actually a reason.

17:48🔗 Drew That was your sister's story, wasn't it? Well, she ran away, but.

17:52🔗 Adam My sister, I think, has cigarette lit the bed on fire and then somebody stole my stepmom's jewelry. And it was like, it was just a disaster. I really, I really should have. You know why?

18:06🔗 Tom Kenny After that, she was kicked out for no reason.

18:08🔗 Adam She ran away. You know what I really wish? I really wish a Cambodian family would have just adopted me when I was five.

18:14🔗 Drew Yeah. You would have been better with the Khmer Rouge, you're right.

18:17🔗 Adam It's just out in some rice paddy right now barefoot.

18:20🔗 Drew Killing fields. Fabulous.

18:22🔗 Adam On top of dodging water moccasins and being dragged around by an ox. Nathan, you know what? It would have been a better life.

18:31🔗 Tom Kenny Big pyramid shaped hat. Yeah. Crazy pyramid hat. Big crazy cone.

18:36🔗 Adam Nathan?

18:37🔗 Yeah.

18:38🔗 Adam You're 19?

18:40🔗 Caller Yeah.

18:40🔗 Adam What's happening?

18:43🔗 I have a question about Salvia.

18:45🔗 Caller If Drew knows what that is and if it has any mental effects.

18:48🔗 Drew Salvia divinorum? No, I don't know anything about it.

18:50🔗 Adam What is it, Drew? Don't be pompous. Just give the answers.

18:53🔗 What do you play?

18:53🔗 Drew It's a plant hallucinogenic. One of the interesting things about it that it's hallucinogenic properties may be mediated by something called the kappa opioid receptors. And it's something that also perhaps other dissociatives like ketamine stimulate.

19:08🔗 Adam Where do you get this drug?

19:10🔗 It's out there.

19:11🔗 Tom Kenny In the lobby?

19:13🔗 Drew Possibly. It grows wild around here.

19:15🔗 Adam SpongeBob, make haste!

19:20🔗 Tom Kenny I think that guy that hangs out around the gate at the radio station has it.

19:23🔗 Drew Yeah. I think Squidworm used a little bit of this stuff. And like other hallucinogenics, it has other properties, like excessive serotonin stimulation and what not. And it probably caused, well, it seems to cause something called excitotoxicity, whereby by excessively stimulating brain cells, you cause the products the brain cells produce to sort of break loose inside the cell and become free radicals and destroy the cells.

19:47🔗 Adam Where do you get this? I mean, is it plant form?

19:50🔗 Drew Yeah, it's plant.

19:50🔗 Adam Is it manufactured?

19:51🔗 Drew I think they make a tea out of it, if I remember right.

19:53🔗 Adam Oh, wow.

19:54🔗 Drew Or they have smoke. I mean, man.

19:55🔗 Adam Let's speak to...

19:57🔗 Drew I think it has lots of information on line.

19:58🔗 Adam Is this name Adrian? That is Adrian. Is that how you spell Adrian? That's the female Adrian. What's the what's the kind of I am?

20:06🔗 Drew Yeah.

20:07🔗 Adam Adrian.

20:08🔗 Drew Yeah.

20:09🔗 Adam All right. You're 23.

20:11🔗 Drew Adrian's tomb.

20:11🔗 Adam Or 19.

20:12🔗 I'm 19.

20:13🔗 Adam 19. What's up?

20:15🔗 OK, I've known this guy for two years, and recently he was sent to prison. And I want you guys to help me come up with something to say to him to break up with him. And I want to soften the blow.

20:27🔗 Drew No, no.

20:28🔗 Tom Kenny That's probably happened.

20:30🔗 Adam What? Next time we go to visit him, right backwards. Oh, you don't visit him?

20:35🔗 No, he's only been in prison for like a month.

20:38🔗 Adam When's he get out?

20:40🔗 Ten months.

20:41🔗 Adam What's he in there for?

20:42🔗 Violating probation and non probation.

20:44🔗 Drew Yes.

20:45🔗 Adam Yeah, that's always the number one answer.

20:47🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah.

20:47🔗 Drew Violating probation.

20:48🔗 Tom Kenny And he was on probation for?

20:50🔗 Robbing a store.

20:52🔗 Adam All right. That's it. Because otherwise it's like saying what he died of and the person says death.

20:56🔗 Drew And what did he do? Fatal causes. What did he do to violate the probation?

21:01🔗 He had a, he was in possession of a firearm.

21:04🔗 Drew Robbed another store. Oh my God. It's a Robbed a Store.

21:07🔗 Adam This guy sounds horrible.

21:09🔗 Drew Yeah. Why would you want to break up with this guy?

21:11🔗 Adam Yeah. Who could leave all that behind?

21:13🔗 Tom Kenny Did you know him when he was knocking over stores?

21:16🔗 No.

21:16🔗 Drew No?

21:18🔗 No.

21:18🔗 Adam And why, why would you hook up with a guy like this?

21:23🔗 I don't know.

21:23🔗 Caller He, I.

21:25🔗 Drew I love him.

21:26🔗 Adam Yeah, sure. Where's your dad?

21:30🔗 Probably at home.

21:32🔗 Drew Not in jail?

21:33🔗 No.

21:34🔗 Drew Has he been in jail?

21:37🔗 I don't think so.

21:39🔗 Tom Kenny Well, maybe your dad is like an ultra straight accountant.

21:41🔗 Drew Do you know your dad?

21:42🔗 Tom Kenny That's the deal.

21:43🔗 I know my father.

21:45🔗 Adam You do know him? Yeah. Did you grow up with him? Has he always been your father? Are your parents still together? Is he your biological father?

21:52🔗 He's my biological father. My parents flew out when I was like three and I spent half my life with him and half my life with my mother.

21:58🔗 Drew Wouldn't you know if he'd been in jail?

22:01🔗 No, he hasn't.

22:02🔗 Adam Well, you never know because she was with him Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He could have been in jail Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday.

22:07🔗 Drew You're right. Could be all rules.

22:08🔗 Adam My dad would do.

22:09🔗 Tom Kenny And the even day robber has struck again.

22:13🔗 Adam I would like that. You know, that's what I would do if I was a judge. I'd like, look, you can do 10 years full-time or you can do 20 years Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And then every other Sunday.

22:23🔗 Drew Here's a joke for Adrienne. We don't have a good answer for you, but it's the right thing to do.

22:27🔗 Adam Adrienne.

22:28🔗 Yeah.

22:29🔗 Adam Something has to be wrong in your life. What do you, what are you doing? Junior college?

22:34🔗 Yeah.

22:35🔗 Adam Shock. Shocking.

22:41🔗 Tom Kenny You're always right when you ask that question.

22:42🔗 Adam I know.

22:43🔗 Drew He smells it.

22:44🔗 Tom Kenny Weird.

22:45🔗 Adam Here is the recipe for my success. I just listen for stupid people and then I say junior college and they say yes.

22:52🔗 Drew They're stupid that don't go to junior college, they're stupid at work, they're stupid at high school.

22:57🔗 Adam There's a different sound. You have to be stupid and lazy to go to junior college. Stupid and motivated just means blue collar. You just do what I did when I was 19.

23:06🔗 Drew Yeah.

23:06🔗 Adam Right. Stupid and lazy. That's junior college because what it is, here's a recipe for junior college. I'm really stupid, but I don't want to get up in the morning. So what does that leave you? Accounting? No.

23:21🔗 Tom Kenny And cartoon voices.

23:23🔗 Drew What other voice do you do besides the Spongebob series?

23:26🔗 Tom Kenny Oh man, I do a zillion series. I do all kinds of stuff.

23:29🔗 Drew Other stuff that we would definitely know.

23:30🔗 Tom Kenny Oh man. Yeah, I do. Well, it depends on how much time you're sitting around watching cartoons. Oh, you got kids. Okay. Yeah.

23:37🔗 Drew Godparents? Fairly Godparents?

23:39🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah. Fairly Godparents. Camp Lazlo. What do you do in Fairly Godparents? I do like all kinds of characters on that one.

23:45🔗 Drew Not the main characters?

23:45🔗 Tom Kenny Not the main ones, but I did Catdog and Powerpuff Girls and Batman. I'm the Penguin. I'm Batman.

23:51🔗 Drew What did you do in Powerpuff Girls?

23:52🔗 Tom Kenny I was the narrator and the mayor and a bunch of the bad guys. The mayor. Wow. Yeah. There's just all kinds of stuff. See, and then I can never remember it when people go, what are you doing? Yeah. It's like.

24:02🔗 Drew Too many.

24:03🔗 Tom Kenny There's too many, but I got my bio somewhere. Yeah.

24:06🔗 Drew Check that out.

24:08🔗 Tom Kenny There's a guy with my bio walking around.

24:10🔗 Adam Adrian?

24:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

24:11🔗 Adam All right. So dump the guy and get out of junior college because that's your own prison.

24:17🔗 How do I soften the blow? I don't want to hurt him.

24:20🔗 Drew Listen, Adrian, there's no such thing.

24:22🔗 Tom Kenny Don't worry about him.

24:23🔗 Adam Here's my thing. When someone goes into the joint, you don't have to break up with them. The state has fixed that for you.

24:31🔗 Drew And by the way, they've set this thing up. You know what I'm saying?

24:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

24:35🔗 Drew You don't have to feel bad for him. This is what it means when you misbehave. You take the consequences and you lose things.

24:41🔗 Tom Kenny Also, research has shown that non-criminals make better partners.

24:45🔗 Drew Non-criminals.

24:46🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah.

24:46🔗 Drew That's interesting research.

24:47🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

24:49🔗 Drew Although these days, I don't wonder.

24:50🔗 Adam I'm telling you, Drew, I would like to just turn junior colleges into medium security prisons. Let's get everyone in there. They sort of are, I guess.

24:58🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm thinking that. At least the partners of the prisoners.

25:03🔗 Adam Right. Tom Kenny is here tonight, otherwise known as SpongeBob SquarePants. Yes. And then sometimes he knows another voice.

25:11🔗 Drew I want to hear some, though.

25:12🔗 Yeah.

25:12🔗 Adam Give us a little shot of, well, you have to ask him some questions.

25:16🔗 Tom Kenny See, that's the thing. I'm lacking that.

25:18🔗 Drew How are things in Bikini Bottom?

25:20🔗 Tom Kenny How are things in Bikini Bottom? Well, I don't, I feel so stupid.

25:24🔗 Adam Drew, ask another question.

25:25🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, you know.

25:30🔗 Drew Anderson.

25:30🔗 Caller Have him read his bio.

25:32🔗 I don't have my bio.

25:34🔗 Tom Kenny Oh, the Gettysburg Address as Spongebob.

25:37🔗 Adam Oh, here it is.

25:38🔗 Caller Oh, God.

25:39🔗 Tom Kenny Let's see.

25:39🔗 Drew Read just the opening paragraph.

25:40🔗 Tom Kenny Let's see.

25:41🔗 Caller Okay.

25:41🔗 Tom Kenny As Spongebob? Oh, no. No. The opening paragraph is too embarrassing.

25:46🔗 Caller I know.

25:46🔗 Tom Kenny Pick another paragraph. Oh, this is a bad sense. As a lifelong frustrated cartoonist, Kenny is thrilled to be a part of today's animation renaissance. I've never seen this before and I don't know what an animation renaissance is.

25:59🔗 Caller I know.

26:00🔗 Adam It's always, it's always, it's always humiliating when you're going to read a bio. When these publicists put together the bio, the celebrities never read it. And then you ask them to read it and they're like, with the strength of 10 men and hung like a black rhino. What?

26:14🔗 Drew I haven't swooned and cried when he walks in the room.

26:16🔗 Tom Kenny Or there's shows on there that never saw the light of day that you go, why is this on my bio? This lasted three episodes.

26:22🔗 Drew My partner is a monkey.

26:23🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, my gym partner is a monkey. That one's new, that's upcoming. So this has actually been recently updated, I can see.

26:30🔗 Adam Tom Kenny in studio tonight, little SpongeBob for you. Mucho Vavoom.

26:34🔗 Tom Kenny Mucho Vavoom.

26:35🔗 Drew Johnny Bravo, who were you on that?

26:37🔗 Tom Kenny I was Carl, his nerdy sidekick friend.

26:40🔗 Drew Yeah, the scientist type guy.

26:42🔗 Tom Kenny The scientist guy. Yeah, I play a lot of scientists.

26:44🔗 Adam Okay, Drew.

26:45🔗 Tom Kenny I'm just checking. See, he loves you, he's showing off his technology, baby.

26:49🔗 Adam A lot of show left. A lot of show left, buddy. Cool, you're chasing. Don't want to shoot your wand.

26:55🔗 Tom Kenny I thought his biology would be a little more impressive.

26:57🔗 Adam We'll take a little break. We'll be right back after this.

27:03🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready, ready, ready.

27:20🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Tom Kinney, and here tonight from SpongeBob SquarePants. Yeah. Promoting Lucha Vavoum.

27:31🔗 Tom Kenny Lucha Vavoum.

27:32🔗 Adam Which is?

27:32🔗 Tom Kenny 26th and 27th Mayan Theatre LA.

27:35🔗 Adam Also November 17th and 18th at Caesar's Palace.

27:39🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, part of the, they're doing like a big Las Vegas comedy fest. Do you do a lot of the comedy festivals, Adam?

27:43🔗 Adam No.

27:43🔗 Tom Kenny Do you go to those?

27:44🔗 Adam No.

27:45🔗 Tom Kenny Too many comedians?

27:46🔗 Drew Yeah.

27:48🔗 Adam No, I don't like comedy. I like cars and building and stuff like that.

27:52🔗 Drew I like cartoons. Who are you on Dexter's Laboratory?

27:55🔗 Tom Kenny Worship the cloven-hooked Prince of Darkness. Oh yeah, remember that little bite from last time? That might have been what they were talking about when they yelled at me for coming on your show.

28:05🔗 Drew Dexter's?

28:05🔗 Tom Kenny But let's see. Again, I think I was just like a lot of bad guys and monsters and robots. A lot of the stuff you come in and they go, you're the Russian guy and you're Stephen Hawking and you're a bear and you're a hillbilly and a robot.

28:17🔗 Adam How much of that stuff is derivative? Like they go, like, you know, this old sitcom, you're Mr. Mooney, Lucio Ball's boss.

28:24🔗 Tom Kenny There's some of that, but it's always, well, you know, if it's Mr. Mooney, then I get it. But like, you know, I'm sure it's always sort of frustrating for them because my reference level ends at like 1966, you know, which is the last time I watched TV with any, right, you know, once the monsters went off the air, it was all over for me.

28:39🔗 Drew And these guys are all 25 and started with.

28:42🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, yeah, I can't believe that you never saw Facts of Life. Are you serious? How could you live on this planet and never have seen Facts of Life?

28:50🔗 Adam Yeah, you're Boner, the neighbor and Facts of Life. You're Skippy.

28:55🔗 Tom Kenny Back up, dude. You never saw Saved by the Bell. You never watched an episode.

28:58🔗 Adam I know. I know.

29:00🔗 Tom Kenny BS. That's bull. There's no way.

29:03🔗 Adam Can you do a little Mr. Mooney for us?

29:06🔗 Tom Kenny I just remember he was always like sinking in a boat or something at the end of the end. And you wanted to go fishing, Mrs. Carmichael.

29:16🔗 Drew Yeah.

29:16🔗 Caller I know.

29:19🔗 Adam Somehow she spent an inordinate amount of time with her boss, like on vacations and things, and they hated each other.

29:25🔗 Tom Kenny That's inappropriate.

29:26🔗 Drew Yeah.

29:27🔗 Adam Rachel?

29:28🔗 Caller Yeah. Yes.

29:31🔗 Adam Janet O'Lourdes?

29:34🔗 Caller I know.

29:34🔗 It's true.

29:36🔗 Adam All right. What's the question?

29:37🔗 Drew Good times.

29:39🔗 Caller Yeah. Great ones. My question is if I am doomed forever to never have sex again or if there's anything out there that can get rid of them, because I heard they're incurable and I've tried, I had them taken off once with this like burning acid and they came back a year later, but like one came or like two came back and...

29:58🔗 Drew All right. So here's the deal. First of all, you have joined most of your female compatriots in having the wart virus. It's exceedingly common.

30:07🔗 Adam Yeah, Drew says most, but it's not most, probably half.

30:10🔗 Drew All right, give you half.

30:11🔗 Adam Maybe, maybe not that much.

30:12🔗 Drew And nearly most. And this is exceedingly common. There are plenty of guys out there that have this. Condoms do protect against this, but not with 100% effectiveness. The viruses, the warts that tend to keep coming back and persist are the ones that do tend to be associated with cervical cancer. And it kind of sounds like you might have that. So you need to be sure to really get them under control. The more warts you have, the more contagious you are, the more virus you're producing. And if you have this virus, whatever type you have, you need to get regular pap smears, as this is the virus that causes cervical cancer. It doesn't seem to do anything in men except cause anal cancer. And there will be a vaccine for this within six months.

30:49🔗 Adam Well, how does it get to the anus?

30:51🔗 Drew I'm just saying. Six months, this will be a non-issue by the end of next year. That vaccine is, every young person on earth is gonna be vaccinated.

30:59🔗 Adam I mean, you have to have anal sex, right?

31:01🔗 Drew Well, for the most part, it can also spread. If you really don't take care of it, it can kind of go around the other side.

31:06🔗 Adam That's why I have a moat between my sack and my anus so the virus cannot make it.

31:11🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, that's no man's land right there.

31:12🔗 Drew I've seen that moat.

31:13🔗 Tom Kenny It's the DMZ.

31:15🔗 Adam It's right at the DMZ.

31:16🔗 Drew But seriously, it's like right between the Breyer Patch though. It's like a Breyer Patch though. It's like very thick and it's hard to see.

31:24🔗 Adam Well, first off, what I...

31:26🔗 Caller Rare PECO.

31:27🔗 Adam It's basically like Omaha Beach. It's like how the Germans set up waiting for the Marines and amphibious craft.

31:33🔗 Drew Well, except after the... Absolutely it is, but when you hit the land, then it's like Sherwood Forest up there. It's like what?

31:39🔗 Adam Well, that's the thicket. The thicket, yeah. That's what they had in Normandy there.

31:44🔗 Drew Yes, yes.

31:44🔗 Adam Hedgerow.

31:45🔗 Drew Right, Hedgerow.

31:46🔗 Tom Kenny Do you think this is the only time that... This may be the only time that Omaha Beach and Sherwood Forest and General Warts have all been part of the same conversation.

31:53🔗 Adam I think so. Yeah. Let me ask you guys something. I was talking about this the other day. The term Jerry-Rig, I think it's derogatory toward Germans. Jerry's is what we used to call the Germans in World War II. And World War I. And World War I too.

32:12🔗 Drew I'm going to look it up.

32:13🔗 Adam And I think when we say you Jerry-Rig something, I think it's like a booby trap or something or something that was rigged by the Germans.

32:20🔗 Drew Interesting.

32:21🔗 Adam Yeah, that stays around. That endures Jerry-Rig.

32:25🔗 Drew Yeah, but you can't talk about...

32:26🔗 Adam You can't do the n-word with the word rig at the end of it.

32:28🔗 Tom Kenny You can't say jip anymore either.

32:30🔗 Adam Oh, is that jip? That's...

32:31🔗 Tom Kenny Because gypsies, you know, they...

32:33🔗 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, right.

32:34🔗 Drew Gyptos.

32:36🔗 Adam You can't say that, but what you can say is going Dutch, which is cheap. And you can also say Welshing on a bet. That's Welsh.

32:46🔗 Drew I thought it was... is it?

32:47🔗 Adam It's the same one.

32:48🔗 Drew Is it really?

32:49🔗 Adam Yeah, they're talking about being cheap.

32:51🔗 Tom Kenny I always thought it was welching.

32:52🔗 Drew I thought it was welching too. I thought it was an ancient term.

32:54🔗 Adam It is, but that's how it's the same.

32:56🔗 Tom Kenny It's derived.

32:57🔗 Adam I think it's derived from that. Drew, go look that up.

32:59🔗 Drew I will.

33:01🔗 Adam You're needed at the computer right now.

33:02🔗 Tom Kenny And where does the word etymology come from?

33:05🔗 Adam Look that up.

33:06🔗 Tom Kenny Look that up.

33:07🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. You're right on it. Let's talk about... Claudia wants a threesome. Yeah, look up nomenclature, Drew.

33:16🔗 Tom Kenny The flying fingers of Dr. Drew.

33:17🔗 Adam Joanne?

33:18🔗 Caller Yes?

33:20🔗 Adam Hold on. I want to talk to Claudia. She wants to have a threesome. That's better radio. Claudia?

33:25🔗 Yes.

33:26🔗 Adam 22?

33:27🔗 Yes.

33:28🔗 Adam What's up, baby doll?

33:29🔗 Okay. Listen. Well, I've been curious to have a threesome with my boyfriend. I did talk to him about this already and he's all up for it. But I want to do it. But I don't...

33:40🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Drew says what? No?

33:42🔗 Drew He says something about jury rigging. It comes from jury rig.

33:45🔗 Adam There's no Jerry rig.

33:46🔗 Tom Kenny It doesn't say to fix in a jury.

33:47🔗 Drew But it says to jury rig as though you were going to...

33:50🔗 Tom Kenny You're going to pay off a jury or something. Right. See if...

33:54🔗 Adam But the thing that's weird about... The thing that's weird about... It's not used that way.

34:00🔗 Tom Kenny I know.

34:01🔗 Adam Look up Jerry. See if we called the Germans the Jerries in World War II.

34:06🔗 Tom Kenny We definitely did.

34:07🔗 Adam I think we did too.

34:08🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, World War I too. You see that in a lot of World War I movies.

34:10🔗 Adam And I think they would rig things. I thought that's where it came from.

34:12🔗 Drew Alright, let's get some more.

34:14🔗 Doughboys vs. Jerry's.

34:16🔗 Drew Google, Google. Besides etymology, which bores me.

34:20🔗 Adam We wanted to also look up Welching on a Bat. Claudia?

34:25🔗 Yes.

34:26🔗 Adam We're trying to entertain ourselves over here. You want a threesome?

34:30🔗 Tom Kenny Words or threesomes?

34:31🔗 Adam You want a threesome with your boyfriend?

34:33🔗 Yeah, I do.

34:34🔗 Drew Do you care if the relationship ends?

34:37🔗 No, I don't.

34:38🔗 Drew Then there you go.

34:39🔗 I don't know if it's going to be healthy. And I know if I mentioned to him, you know, I mean, ever since I mentioned it to him, he's asking me, what about this chick? You know, what if I get to pick her?

34:48🔗 Caller So, hold on.

34:49🔗 There's no cookies in my box.

34:52🔗 Adam Hey, Claudia, wait a minute. A second ago, you said you didn't care if the relationship ends. I think you-

34:56🔗 Caller No, no, no, I do care.

34:57🔗 I do care. I don't want it to end.

34:58🔗 Drew Well, then don't do this thing.

35:00🔗 Right. It's not worth it, right?

35:02🔗 Drew Second Jerry Rick refers to Jerry, a World War II term for our hated enemy.

35:07🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, sweet.

35:08🔗 Adam Thank you.

35:09🔗 Tom Kenny There you go.

35:09🔗 Adam Yep. Vindication for the Ace Man. Claudia.

35:13🔗 Drew Yeah.

35:13🔗 Adam Okay. Look, do you want, here are the two reasons you should be in a threesome or here are the two motivational forces for being in a threesome. One, you would like to experience a female, yet you do not want to saddle yourself with the title of dyke.

35:28🔗 Drew You're gay.

35:30🔗 Adam Yeah. So you would like to experiment with a woman, but under the guise of a threesome, it makes it okay.

35:38🔗 You're gay.

35:39🔗 Adam Or you would like to sabotage your relationship and get out of it because you can't stand intimacy. So which is it?

35:45🔗 I don't want to sabotage it.

35:46🔗 Adam All right. So then you would like to be with a woman.

35:50🔗 Well, no, I just, it's kind of just curiosity, you know, but yeah, but look, here's the thing, hold on, hold on.

35:58🔗 Adam Tom, curious, curious about, you're curious about guys.

36:02🔗 Tom Kenny Am I curious about guys?

36:02🔗 Adam You just want to blow a guy, just check it off the list, just say you did it.

36:05🔗 Tom Kenny Just to see what it's like. No, no, I have to say that that particular-

36:09🔗 Drew SpongeBob, SpongeBob, you know.

36:10🔗 Tom Kenny I'm not touching that one. But I've got a family. I got to keep food on my family's feet. But no, I got to say that that desire, that curiosity has been dead in me. Right.

36:23🔗 Adam Here's the thing. Yeah. Ever since Bobcat gave Maine Awards in 1986.

36:28🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, I never recovered. I never bounced back from that.

36:30🔗 Adam Never bounced back. You don't return from that.

36:32🔗 Tom Kenny Because they came back twice as many.

36:34🔗 Adam Claudia?

36:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:36🔗 Adam What's going on? Where's your dad? I smell chaos.

36:40🔗 My dad's sick.

36:42🔗 Caller He's sick?

36:43🔗 He's in his own little world.

36:44🔗 Drew He's mentally ill.

36:45🔗 Adam Mentally ill.

36:47🔗 Caller No, no, no.

36:47🔗 He's just physically ill.

36:51🔗 Tom Kenny Well, he's physically ill in his own world?

36:55🔗 Caller Well, yeah, it might have just a mood swinger.

36:59🔗 Adam Uh-oh. What about your dad?

37:01🔗 Tom Kenny You sound kind of a swinger yourself.

37:02🔗 Adam Was he around when you were growing up?

37:04🔗 Yeah, well, he was more of an alcoholic, you know, but, you know, that's what really screwed him over. You know, and he turned diabetic and then he pretty much has hate towards the world and five kids and we all help them and he claims that we never help them.

37:19🔗 Yeah, yeah.

37:20🔗 Adam All right. All right, baby.

37:24🔗 Caller Another question, too.

37:25🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Why? Why? You're going to sabotage this relationship? No, I'm not.

37:30🔗 Drew Etemon, true sense of a word. Etemon, etomology.

37:35🔗 Adam Hey, Claudia. Yeah. Did you look up Welch, by the way?

37:38🔗 Drew Yes, you're right.

37:39🔗 Adam All right. Derogatory. Here's the thing. Here's what I've learned. Welch, Jerry, whoever. As long as they're white, keep it coming. If you're anything darker than white, you gotta knock it off. It's not right. If the race that you're making fun of is doing okay, bring it on. Keep it coming. As long as we're buying their cars, or they're selling product, there's no real problems, keep it coming. If the race isn't doing so good, then you gotta knock it off. That's pretty much how derogatory terms work.

38:04🔗 Tom Kenny As long as there's a white guy in the White House, you can say Welsh.

38:08🔗 Adam That's right. That's right.

38:10🔗 Drew Hi, Claudie, your dad's a mess. Your dad's an alcoholic, you were traumatized growing up, you're used to chaos, that's your idea of what a man is, and what something you love ought to be like. And if you've got a guy that's actually a nice guy, you've got to inject some real chaos into that relationship by bringing another guy in. And God knows the drama you'll evoke. The relationship will not survive. If you really have to have this in your life, in fact, I smell alcoholism on her too. You really want to look into this. This is not going to be a pleasant life.

38:36🔗 Claudia? Yeah.

38:38🔗 Drew Your drink too, huh?

38:40🔗 Occasionally. I hardly drink.

38:41🔗 Adam Do you guys have kids?

38:43🔗 No, we don't.

38:44🔗 Adam Good girl.

38:45🔗 Drew Hold that on.

38:46🔗 Adam Why don't you? Why don't you have kids?

38:48🔗 Because I'm concentrating on my career first.

38:50🔗 Drew Which is what, stripper?

38:51🔗 Well, becoming a director of collections. All right. I mean, that's what I do for a living. I do collections, you know, but I had my goals in life before.

39:00🔗 Drew You smoke pot or what are you doing?

39:02🔗 No, I don't. I'm actually clean. I'm a, you know, just a typical girl.

39:06🔗 Drew So you don't have a momentum in that direction towards substances?

39:10🔗 Well, is that again?

39:11🔗 Drew You don't have momentum towards substances?

39:14🔗 No.

39:14🔗 Drew So it's drugs.

39:15🔗 Adam What does your man do for a living?

39:17🔗 Well, he, well, actually he's a cable technician, and he's pretty much out in the field.

39:26🔗 Tom Kenny So he installs a cable and then when they can't pay for it, you come in.

39:29🔗 Adam That's right.

39:30🔗 That's right.

39:31🔗 Adam Hakuna Matata. It's the circle of life. What would you rather hear, like, if you, if your daughter was dating somebody?

39:40🔗 Drew Don't do this to me.

39:41🔗 Adam But just listen. And you said to your daughter, what's he do for a living, this new guy you're dating? Would you rather hear, well, or would you like to hear right now? Or the thing about it? All right, well, how about this? The thing about it is?

39:56🔗 Drew Oh, right now. I'll hear right now.

39:58🔗 Adam Okay. Yeah. Or the worst is, well, to hear him say it, yeah, that's always the worst.

40:05🔗 Tom Kenny If it was Kim, I'd be right now.

40:07🔗 Adam Okay. Tom Kenny here tonight.

40:09🔗 Tom Kenny Hey!

40:09🔗 Adam Yeah.

40:10🔗 Lucia Vavoum.

40:12🔗 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

40:16🔗 Thank you for calling Loveline.

40:18🔗 Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

40:24🔗 Adam Heat things up with new Durex Warming Condoms. Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline, man. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Tom Kenny is in studio tonight. Of course, the voice of SpongeBob SquarePants.

40:51🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah!

40:52🔗 Adam And here promoting Lucha Favon. Yes. 26th, 27th, MIND Theater.

40:56🔗 Tom Kenny Meeting all your Mexican wrestling and burlesque dancing and comedy needs.

41:00🔗 Adam Well, finally, see, because what I would have to do on a weekend is I have to go over to a comedy club, watch my comedy. Then I'd go to a burlesque club to watch some burlesque dancing. And then it's off to Tijuana to...

41:11🔗 Tom Kenny Exactly. Americans are getting busier. They can't, they have to multitask.

41:15🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. You go to the store, you don't go to one store and buy tomatoes and go to another store and buy ketchup or canned goods. It's all under one roof.

41:24🔗 Tom Kenny It is now.

41:25🔗 Adam And that's what, that's what Lucha Vivoom is.

41:28🔗 Tom Kenny It's like the, it's like a fun, funky Walmart.

41:31🔗 Adam Yeah. I would go through a tank of gas trying to hit all these stops on a Friday night. Right, Drew? I know.

41:37🔗 Drew You've complained many years about this.

41:38🔗 Adam Instead, I just head down.

41:39🔗 Tom Kenny Sex, violence, laughter. What else is there in life?

41:42🔗 Adam Head down to the, it really sounds like a red hot chili pepper sound. I would just head down to the Mayan Theatre and take it all in.

41:49🔗 Tom Kenny Come on in. Or come down to that Vegas Comedy Festival November 17 and 18.

41:54🔗 Adam 17th and 18th.

41:56🔗 Drew Speaking of all that action packed into one phenomenon. Here we go.

41:59🔗 Adam Germany or Florida. This is a game that's sweeping the nation. Ron?

42:04🔗 Hey, what's up?

42:05🔗 Adam 21. What's up, my brother?

42:06🔗 I just got to Germany or Florida.

42:08🔗 Adam Here we go.

42:10🔗 A man admitted to a local hospital specializing in the treatment of patients. With the drug and alcohol abuse recently went missing. Assuming that the patient had checked himself out, no search was called for. That is until it was discovered that the hospital was also missing an ambulance. The man was discovered days later driving the stolen ambulance, wearing a stethoscope, doctor's pager and two latex gloves. More unusual was the deer found in the gurney in the back of the ambulance. The long dead and rotting carcass was attached to IV solution with used defibrillator pets laying at its side. Wow.

42:43🔗 Drew Nice.

42:44🔗 Wow.

42:45🔗 Adam Germany or Florida?

42:46🔗 Hold on. Here's the deal.

42:49🔗 Drew The macabre quality screams Germany.

42:52🔗 Adam It does. It does.

42:53🔗 Drew And we would have read about the PETA response to this in America.

42:57🔗 Adam The go-gos would have showed up. Slippery slope. Because we talk about this every night. Every time we play Germany or Florida, you say, Oh, surely we would have heard about this if it was a local story.

43:07🔗 Drew Let me take another twist on it. In America, at least California, you got to look for your patients. You have an obligation. If a mental health patient takes off, you're calling the police. You have to go through a procedure. True.

43:18🔗 Adam Calling on his hippocratic oath.

43:20🔗 Drew And so the fact that they just go, Oh, well, can't find them. That's not United States, not California anyway.

43:27🔗 Adam Well, the part where he was a drug addict feels very Floridian, and the part where he stole the ambulance feels Floridian, and the part where he killed the deer feels Floridian, but the part where he used some paddles on the deer feels very German. I'm going German.

43:41🔗 Drew I am too.

43:42🔗 Adam Tom?

43:43🔗 Tom Kenny German.

43:43🔗 Drew Of course, now the laws about patients' rights and things in Florida could be totally different knowing Florida.

43:48🔗 Adam Interesting, interesting. We're all going Germany.

43:51🔗 Tom Kenny Yep, I gotta go Germany.

43:52🔗 Adam Ron, Germany or Florida?

43:54🔗 Caller Jacksonville, Florida.

43:56🔗 Damn, you Jacksonville too.

43:59🔗 Adam I bow to your expertise. It was burned once again.

44:02🔗 Drew Damn Florida. Will they catch up with the rest of the country?

44:05🔗 Tom Kenny See, that Fritz Lang quality was just too strong.

44:08🔗 Adam They haven't even caught up to Nevada yet.

44:12🔗 Caller Tom Kenny, a quick question?

44:13🔗 Adam Yeah.

44:14🔗 Tom Kenny Sure.

44:14🔗 Caller Hey, were you the voice of Heffer on Rocko's Modern Life?

44:17🔗 Tom Kenny Yes, I was. That was my first cartoon job.

44:20🔗 Drew Which voice was that?

44:23🔗 Tom Kenny Oh, God. That was in 1992, but he was a big, yellow collar.

44:27🔗 Caller It was just based on my nephew at the time who was 12 years old. And like, just like his voice was changing and he was like, Oh, man, that's strange.

44:38🔗 Tom Kenny Small town goofball. Now, a very successful commercial artist.

44:43🔗 Really?

44:43🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah.

44:44🔗 Wow.

44:44🔗 Tom Kenny New York City.

44:45🔗 Adam See, molestation worked.

44:47🔗 Tom Kenny The molestation worked. Occasionally.

44:49🔗 Adam Here's the thing.

44:49🔗 Drew Occasionally uncles can transform.

44:51🔗 Adam You ain't, you know, you don't become an artist by hitting home runs in little league. You need a little diddling.

44:57🔗 Drew Yeah, I guess so.

44:58🔗 Adam And I'm saying you owe it to your son or daughter if you'd like her to be a struggling artist.

45:03🔗 Drew To traumatize them.

45:04🔗 Adam Well, Drew. Just a little. Otherwise you're just boring and you're, you know, crunching numbers all day.

45:09🔗 Tom Kenny I think when you say artist, the struggling is implied anyway, right? For the most part.

45:13🔗 Adam Drew, I'm just saying, here's what I'm saying. Drew, how about this? Once in a while you break a bone, it heals incorrectly and they have to re-break it. Now, they don't put it under the car and back over it with the truck to re-break it. They do it in a surgical setting, in a hospital setting.

45:33🔗 Caller Right?

45:35🔗 Adam How about you do a little sort of clinical molestation just to make the kid creative, but not to scar them for life.

45:42🔗 Drew The right dose, the right amount.

45:43🔗 Adam Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

45:44🔗 Drew To create a genius.

45:45🔗 Adam Do it in a supervised environment.

45:47🔗 Drew To create a bipolar genius.

45:48🔗 Adam Sterile, put them under, give them a quick little clinical diddling. It's an outpatient thing. Go home that day and they're not traumatized for life because it wasn't done in a dank basement, but yet there's enough trauma to just awaken the creative gene.

46:06🔗 Drew Okay.

46:07🔗 Tom Kenny Think about it.

46:08🔗 Adam All right, just give it some thought. Give it some thought.

46:11🔗 Drew Okay.

46:11🔗 Tom Kenny I smell business opportunity. I think some price gouging is in order here, Dr. Drew.

46:16🔗 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. Drew, I'm serious.

46:19🔗 Drew We just did.

46:20🔗 Adam You need to focus on that.

46:21🔗 Drew Things are flying by tonight.

46:22🔗 Adam Tom Kenny in here tonight. The voice of his goofball cousin, nephew. We'll take a, and of course, SpongeBob SquarePants, take a quick break, be right back after this.

46:33🔗 Alright, guys, here's the deal.

46:35🔗 Caller You looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

46:38🔗 Tom Kenny One call's all you need to make.

46:40🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

46:41🔗 Drew 877-889-DATE.

46:43🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

47:08🔗 Drew What?

47:08🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew.

47:11🔗 Drew Hold on.

47:11🔗 Adam Legendary.

47:13🔗 Drew Okay.

47:14🔗 Adam Drew, can I? All right, who's on the show?

47:16🔗 Drew Tom Kenny. The legendary voice of SpongeBob's birthday.

47:20🔗 Tom Kenny No, legendary voice.

47:21🔗 Drew His voice is legendary.

47:23🔗 Adam We're gonna get through the goddamn thing, and then you can ask Tom his question. Now go.

47:27🔗 Drew Go ahead. I forgot. I can't remember.

47:29🔗 Tom Kenny We were just belly aching about cartoons, the way we were belly aching about everything else.

47:33🔗 Drew Hanna Barbera did what?

47:35🔗 Tom Kenny Hanna Barbera were the ones who said we can do it cheaper, we can give you a half hour of animation for $200. What do you think?

47:41🔗 Drew That's what we were thinking.

47:43🔗 Adam Here's what we were lamenting. We were lamenting the fact that when we were kids, the cartoons blew ass. And I'm not talking about Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.

47:53🔗 Drew No, that was for theater. Those were theatrical releases.

47:55🔗 Adam That was wonderful stuff.

47:57🔗 Drew That was for theater that went to TV.

47:59🔗 Adam I just want people to understand that's not what we're talking about. What we're talking about is the Hanna Barbera stuff, which were flaming turds of unimaginative crap.

48:09🔗 Tom Kenny Funky Phantom.

48:10🔗 Adam Funky Phantom and Darkwing Duck.

48:14🔗 Drew Yeah, but that's when it really went up.

48:16🔗 Tom Kenny You're right. Funky Phantom, Hair Bear, Scuby Dude. They were all trying, they were going, hey, kids dig the hippie culture. Let's, we'll put them in a van and put them.

48:24🔗 Adam To me, to me, to me, they bottomed out with Grape Ape, which was a purple ape that just kept repeating Grape Ape, Grape Ape, Grape Ape. Now here's all the things.

48:33🔗 Tom Kenny Little limited.

48:34🔗 Adam I would like to sue Hanna Barbera because I want my childhood back. You guys were hacks. You still are. You're known as some sort of, you know, like there's some sort of creative something going on over there. This was horrible, schlocky hackitude, and it's worse, and it blew monkey ass. And you, whoever-

48:55🔗 Caller Or ape ass.

48:56🔗 Adam I hope whoever came up with Grape Ape is dead. I really do, because that, that sucked, and so did the Hare Bear Bunch, and so did Hong Kong Fooey, and so did all that.

49:05🔗 Caller I swear, I'm going to swear.

49:07🔗 Tom Kenny Right now, there's some really old guys sitting in front of an old 1930s radio crying, screaming it out.

49:12🔗 Adam Adam Corolla, please, please.

49:14🔗 Tom Kenny That hurt me to the quick.

49:15🔗 Adam Please take yourself out.

49:17🔗 Tom Kenny Grape Ape came to me in a dream.

49:20🔗 Adam Right.

49:20🔗 Tom Kenny But I'm saying when you're a kid, especially if you grew up in the pre-cable era, you would watch anything that sort of smelled like a cartoon. Like Sunday morning, there was a Shirley Temple movie and like, you know, like, Mass for shut-ins. Right. And then there was Dave Englith, which, you know, sort of Christian, but it looked like Gumby, you know.

49:39🔗 Drew You'd watch the American flag and the reading of the prayers at night, just to have something to watch.

49:44🔗 Caller Have you been bathed in the blood of a lamb, Davey?

49:49🔗 Adam I always love that. It's like, we could get to school faster if we took old man Wilson's car.

49:54🔗 Caller I don't know, Dave.

49:57🔗 Tom Kenny Somebody sent me a genius DVD. Actually, the guy, the longtime voice of Fred Flintstone, Henry Cording, passed away recently. And when I was looking at his his resume, this was the second, the second Fred, but he but he was Fred for like 40 years. He was like 87 when he passed away recently. And in his resume, there was something called the Pebbles and Bam Bam Just Say No to Drugs Special. Wow. From the, so a friend of mine tracked it down there at Cartoon Network and got it to me. Nice. And I'd love to lay copies on you.

50:33🔗 Adam Please. You'll love it. Here is my point. When, here is what our childhoods were like with these horrible Hanna-Barbera cartoons. It was what the American car companies were at the same time, minus any Japanese competition.

50:51🔗 Drew Doug Remlin.

50:52🔗 Adam S. You got S. When you have no competition. Yes. When Hanna-Barbera is the only game in town, they take a dump in a coffee filter and hand it to you, like it's a basket of roses, and you have no choice but to take it. And that's what you get.

51:09🔗 Tom Kenny Everybody was driving a grape ape.

51:12🔗 Adam There is a million stations and you have to compete.

51:15🔗 Drew But absolutely, competition is always better for those of us consuming it. But you keep coming down to the 70s stuff, which we have universal agreement yet. What are we saying about the 60s stuff?

51:26🔗 Adam That stuff sucked too.

51:27🔗 Tom Kenny See, I like that stuff. I like the voice work and I like the character designs. I think Yogi Bear looks cool, and I think Huckleberry Hound looks cool as drawings, and I think the voices are cool.

51:39🔗 Drew You like Yolka Baller?

51:39🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, I love that.

51:41🔗 Drew Bobba Louie?

51:42🔗 Tom Kenny Now when I watch them, I did like them a lot. Now when I watch them, they seem a lot slower and more plotting. They're a lot more plotting than I remember them. The voice work is great and the character designs are great.

51:56🔗 Adam But what a cop out. Every single Yogi Bear episode is he's trying to get a pick in a basket and that's about it.

52:02🔗 Drew That's what I thought too, is that you get attached to the characters as a kid. And it was all a lot of interesting voices.

52:08🔗 Adam When you're young and you're...

52:10🔗 Drew Snaggletooth.

52:11🔗 Adam Yeah.

52:12🔗 Tom Kenny Snagglepuss.

52:13🔗 Drew Snagglepuss.

52:14🔗 Adam Snagglepuss.

52:15🔗 Tom Kenny The pink lion.

52:16🔗 Adam See, I was... I did love El Cabong, though.

52:19🔗 Drew El Cabong was good, right?

52:20🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah. Snagglepuss had that weird thing where he wore like the cuffs of a shirt, but no shirt.

52:26🔗 Drew And a collar with a bow tie, no shirt.

52:28🔗 Tom Kenny But a lot of that shirt was just missing.

52:30🔗 Adam I was saying with as far as as far as Yogi Bear goes, no more frightening look than a guy wearing a collar, a tie, nothing else.

52:40🔗 Drew Well, that's the that's the angle for us, too.

52:42🔗 Adam Yes, and I will put his head that to coughs like a Chippendale dancer.

52:46🔗 Drew Right.

52:47🔗 Adam Joanne.

52:48🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah.

52:49🔗 Adam Exit stage.

52:50🔗 Drew Right.

52:51🔗 Tom Kenny Maybe we should put on some pants, Yogi.

52:57🔗 Adam Boo Boo was like, why was he hanging around with Yogi? He never wanted to do what Mr. Rainier.

53:02🔗 Tom Kenny Low self-esteem.

53:03🔗 Drew That's the uncle and nephew thing. That's the weird.

53:07🔗 Tom Kenny Hanging around with the career criminal. Well, Top Cat, they were all like these grifters and conmen, just like trying to fleece the public.

53:15🔗 Adam It was a great message to send the youth of America, because it would always be like, it's time to go to work. I'm going to take a nap. We'll steal something later and eat.

53:25🔗 Caller Awesome message.

53:26🔗 Tom Kenny Cheese it, boys. It's off as a dibble. Running from the cops, eating garbage. They're like junkies.

53:34🔗 Adam There's no character that ever went to work in these cartoons. It was always trying to get out of something.

53:40🔗 Tom Kenny I think that's something that maybe I did learn from that, was like the characters that did go to work were always like the boring tools. Mr. Peebles that ran the pet shop. What kind of pet shop has a gorilla in it? No, that was McGilligorilla.

53:54🔗 Drew It was always the underdog winning. It was always the mice beating the cat.

54:00🔗 Adam What kind of pet store does actually have a lowland gorilla?

54:03🔗 Tom Kenny Like a lowland gorilla.

54:04🔗 Adam Silverback dominant male.

54:05🔗 Drew In the window.

54:09🔗 Adam I'd love just to kill a couple of kids. Joanne.

54:13🔗 Caller How much is a gorilla in the window?

54:14🔗 What?

54:15🔗 Adam You're 19.

54:15🔗 Caller That's how the show opens.

54:16🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:18🔗 Adam McGill. And by the way, it's not creative, you just thinking of a name that doesn't exist and rhyming it with a Yiddishism. McGilligorilla, right. All right. Let's go and discuss it at Hannah Barbera. Joanne.

54:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

54:34🔗 Adam Right. What's up? What's up?

54:37🔗 Caller Well, my question was, why is it always that when I'm high, when I'm tweaked out, my method family, I like to for some reason, it's a thrill. I like to have sex with my boyfriend and he doesn't, he feels obligated like if it's a job.

54:51🔗 Drew When he's high, he feels like it's a job or all the time?

54:53🔗 Caller Yeah, no, no, no. When he's high, when he's not, it's a job.

54:56🔗 Drew Well, are you amphetamine addicted to using three or four times a week?

55:01🔗 Caller Not right now. I've been clean for so far about almost going for two weeks. Alright.

55:07🔗 Drew That's not clean. Amphetamine takes months and months.

55:09🔗 Caller I mean, no, not clean, but not doing it though.

55:11🔗 Drew No, you're right.

55:12🔗 Adam She's moving toward, she's moving toward two weeks.

55:14🔗 Drew Yeah, to say I'm not doing for two weeks.

55:15🔗 Adam She's 15 days away from getting to two weeks.

55:17🔗 Drew Yeah, to say I'm not doing, I'm not doing, I haven't done for two weeks means you are a severe amphetamine addict. And so what happens is you can, you actually destroy those parts of your brain where you feel things like sexual pleasure. And the only way you can experience it is when it's pharmacologically enhanced.

55:31🔗 Caller It's like, it gets me a thrill for some reason.

55:33🔗 Drew And when he's on it or when he's high, a normal person is shut down sexually by stimulants. But that's the only way you can function now that you're addicted. You've got to get this addiction treatment. It's not going to stop. If you're using four times a month, it continues the damage.

55:48🔗 Adam Let me, I rarely go down this path, but calling from Montebello.

55:53🔗 Drew I don't think so. That's a fact.

55:55🔗 Adam Addicted to meth, sexually compulsive.

55:58🔗 Drew Korean?

55:59🔗 Tom Kenny Jew.

55:59🔗 Caller Jew.

56:00🔗 Adam Joanne, you're Jewish?

56:02🔗 Caller No, I'm Russian and Puerto Rican.

56:06🔗 Adam Wow, that's an addiction.

56:08🔗 Tom Kenny Russian and Puerto Rican?

56:09🔗 Caller Yes.

56:10🔗 Adam Well, okay. Which side do you think's addicted to meth? Puerto Rican?

56:15🔗 Drew Yeah, I mean, ephedemic addiction enlists parts of the brain that makes it very difficult to stay stopped.

56:20🔗 Adam What?

56:20🔗 Drew And you're going to need treatment for this.

56:22🔗 Adam The thing about...

56:23🔗 Caller I know I'm able to leave it because every time I got pregnant and I had my kids, I didn't have the urge. You know, I have three children.

56:28🔗 Adam Okay, you're not Jewish? Come on.

56:31🔗 Every time you got pregnant.

56:32🔗 Adam I'm not Jewish. Craping out the kids. Give me a break.

56:35🔗 Drew No, I'm not Jewish.

56:36🔗 Adam I know it's Jewish broad when I hear one.

56:38🔗 Drew There's many women earlier in their disease do find that they can't stop for things like pregnancy but you're on your way.

56:45🔗 Adam Hold on one second. What has happened to society where people sort of cavalierly and without any sense of irony or guilt or anything just volunteer this stuff. Listen, I know I can quit the meth because every time I get pregnant I stop for four months.

57:02🔗 Tom Kenny To not do that would be irresponsible.

57:04🔗 Drew Well, not that every time I get pregnant.

57:06🔗 Adam She's 19 and every time she gets pregnant she just puts down the crack pipe. It's awesome.

57:12🔗 Drew Yeah, the bar is rather low.

57:14🔗 Caller It's not a crack pipe.

57:15🔗 Caller It's an instant burner.

57:18🔗 Adam All right.

57:18🔗 Drew How many? You cannot imagine the effect this has on your brain. It is profoundly destructive.

57:28🔗 Adam Joanne, how many kids do you have?

57:30🔗 Caller Three.

57:31🔗 Drew Well, they aren't going to have a mom.

57:33🔗 Adam Do you really have three kids?

57:34🔗 Caller Yeah, I have a three year old, a two year old, and a five month year old, five and a half, actually.

57:38🔗 Drew Five month year old.

57:39🔗 Caller All right.

57:39🔗 Adam And what is the plan?

57:41🔗 Drew Five month year old.

57:42🔗 Adam I mean, why would you want to have kids when you're like you are?

57:45🔗 Caller Oh, okay. The first one I was raped. The second one I was going to get married. And that was the third one as well as his, but we decided to just call it quits. We just kind of get, you can say woke up one day and just say, you know what? I don't love you no more. I think we should just be friends. And where she took that straight, you know.

58:02🔗 Tom Kenny Do you have an excuse for the fourth one worked up yet?

58:04🔗 Caller You know what? I was and my boyfriend that I'm going out with right now made me have an abortion. So about, it was Tuesday, not a week ago.

58:13🔗 Adam So I just had one of the mayor of Montebello should give him the goddamn keys of the city. He really should. This guy's a hero.

58:20🔗 Tom Kenny He actually was the mayor of Montebello.

58:21🔗 Adam Oh, big sash and a top hat. I don't mayors wear sashes and top hats and smoke cigars anymore.

58:30🔗 Drew Powerpuff Mayor does. Wasn't that you?

58:33🔗 Caller Yes, that was me.

58:34🔗 Caller The mayor of Townsville.

58:36🔗 Caller It's getting surreal now.

58:38🔗 Adam Joanne, baby doll, what is the plan? You're 19. You're hooked on meth. You have three kids whose lives you are destroying. You are a criminal.

58:48🔗 Caller Because everything that they need, I give them.

58:50🔗 Drew So yeah, they need a sober mom. That's the only thing they need. You aren't giving them that.

58:54🔗 Caller I have been so far, I have been.

58:56🔗 Drew No, and not an abstinent mom, a sober mom. You need to get treatment, Joanne. You have to.

59:00🔗 Caller You really, I mean, I can quit if I want to.

59:03🔗 Adam You can quit, please. Would you quit?

59:05🔗 Drew You will not stay quipped.

59:07🔗 Adam Look, here's the whole thing. When are we gonna stand up as a society and tell stupid, drug addicted, retarded people to stop crapping out kids? Here is the deal.

59:20🔗 Drew Why is that funny, Joanne? Why is that funny?

59:23🔗 Adam Because she has the mentality of a nine-year-old and anything you say is gonna sound funny to her.

59:28🔗 Caller No, no, it's not really. It's just the way that you guys just come out and say it. That's what it really pretty much is, just the way that you guys just say it.

59:34🔗 Adam Well, here's...

59:35🔗 Caller You said that, you know...

59:36🔗 Adam Well, of course. I mean, look, let's put everything aside and let's just be honest for a second. Drew has three kids. Joanne has three kids. We, as a society, are not going to need to worry about Drew's three kids. Why? Because there's parents, because there's money, because there's jobs, because there's love, because there's education, because there are good role models and delayed gratification, and there's no math, and there's no nothing. We are not going to have to worry about Drew's kids. We don't have to build any more prisons for Drew's kids. We don't have to open any more clinics for Drew's kids. We don't have to worry about unemployment with Drew's kids or violent crime with Drew's kids. Joanne's kids, that's another story. That is another story. The chances that one of these kids comes out okay is slim to none. With Joanne and her whatever god knows the guy she's with at the helm with these three god damn kids. That's what we need to worry about as a society. But yet, never addressed, never touched, not touched upon. Oh yeah, no child left behind, whatever the F that's supposed to mean. And everyone's talking about, oh, education is great, more schools, more school teachers, more cops, more everything. Well, here's the deal. Do you think we need more cops for Drew's kids? Do you think we need more counselors for Drew's kids? Do you think we need more prisons for Drew's kids? Do you think we need more social workers for Drew's kids? Do you think we need more state funded anything for Drew's kids? No, those are for Joanne's kids. When are we going to discuss it? When are we going to bring it up? When is Joanne crapping out her first kid at 15 years of age? When is somebody going to step up to the plate and say, wait a minute, can't do that anymore. You've lost your right. You're basically an adult who's emotionally a 14 year old and physically a 30 year old. You cannot be, you cannot have this kid, the same reason I can't have a pot plant in my yard and the same reason I can't have a llama in my yard. I want a llama. You can't have it. Why? You can't. Why not? It's not fair to the llama. Why not? It's not fair to your neighbors. Okay. I can't have a llama. You have three kids and are pregnant with a fort? Are you high? Are you kidding me? And basically how long, and here's the real question everybody, how fast can Drew and Tom spit out the kids so that their kids can pay enough taxes to support Joanne's kids? I don't think that long. Because Joanne has three kids and she's 19.

1:02:18🔗 Drew It's much easier to spit them out.

1:02:19🔗 Adam It took you guys a combined 170 years to come up with five. You see what I'm saying? Her factory's cranking out the crap faster than you guys can keep up.

1:02:28🔗 Drew And her coming into action and taking up.

1:02:30🔗 Adam Oh, they'll be off and running at 12 and a half. Your kids will still be in college. And here's the other problem. They need a hundred of your kids to pay for the judges and the bailiffs and the facilities and the county beds and the rehab centers. We need, oh, and the cops and the parole officers. We need hundreds of your kids to pay for Joanne's kids. And we're not making them fast enough. We got a math problem now, people. Now, we got two plans, either we can tell Tom and Drew to get to banging and start coming up with more kids to pay more taxes so we can bail out Joanne.

1:03:11🔗 Tom Kenny Get up in this closet with the magazine.

1:03:14🔗 Adam We can be realistic and talk to the Joannes world and get to them.

1:03:18🔗 Tom Kenny Do you think you can get to them? I mean, you know, we can't get to them.

1:03:22🔗 Adam Not with the current administration, not with any.

1:03:25🔗 Tom Kenny To me, to not even do the beginnings of the math and go, wow, having a kid and being a parent is such a huge responsibility to not give a crap about it is like committing a violent crime on a child.

1:03:37🔗 Drew We agree with you, but politicians look at this as five votes. Yeah, that's five votes. So let's give them what they want and they'll get elected.

1:03:44🔗 Tom Kenny Right, right.

1:03:45🔗 Adam Now, but the politicians are pussies.

1:03:47🔗 Tom Kenny They're showing up at the polls.

1:03:48🔗 Adam They're just pussies and they're not willing to do anything but focus on being reelected. They must on some level realize that this problem is the paramount problem in this country. But they're going to focus on sending a message to the fat cats in Washington and a bunch of other BS that has nothing to do with anything. And then once in a while, let's investigate baseball. Yes, they'll investigate steroid use in baseball and then every once in a while one of them craps out a platitude like no child left behind, which means nothing to anybody. Right. Okay. Joanne.

1:04:26🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:04:28🔗 Adam All right. So how about you get your tubes tied?

1:04:30🔗 Drew There you go.

1:04:31🔗 Adam That's number one. And you get in a rehab on behalf of the three kids you already have.

1:04:36🔗 Drew There you go.

1:04:37🔗 Caller Okay. The other question that I had relating to that, does that mean that I have to leave my boyfriend because he also does like drugs too?

1:04:44🔗 Drew Not necessarily, but you focus on you getting treatment for now. See what you bring him into. I'm shocked that he's an amphetamine addict.

1:04:49🔗 Caller No, well, not that. It's just that the way that we met was because of the drugs as well.

1:04:54🔗 Drew Not because of what?

1:04:55🔗 Caller Oh, because I was the one that said, hey, you want to get smoked out? Let's go.

1:04:58🔗 And that's how we met.

1:04:59🔗 Drew Shocked that he's an amphetamine addict.

1:05:02🔗 Caller No, he's not much of that. He's a pothead.

1:05:07🔗 Drew He's an addict.

1:05:08🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, he is. Once you do it, I guess you're an addict.

1:05:10🔗 Drew He's an addict. All right. Not once you do it.

1:05:12🔗 Tom Kenny Well, that's not really true.

1:05:13🔗 Drew When you start smoking out regularly to the point that you're doing that and smoking pot every day and not tending to your kids and having more kids.

1:05:21🔗 Adam Joanne, here's the deal. You're not a bad person. You just become a bad person when you start crapping out kids and you're high. You understand? You can't be a bad mom if you don't have kids.

1:05:32🔗 Drew A intoxicated parent is a traumatizing parent. It's extremely traumatic for a kid. They've actually measured what happens to a kid's stress hormones around an intoxicated parent. They just go through the roof. Because the kid feels alone, abandoned, out of control, and threatened. They feel like their safety is threatened.

1:05:49🔗 Tom Kenny And being a kid is hard under the best of circumstances. You know what I mean? Just being a forming human being is a tough job.

1:05:57🔗 Drew I've seen cartoons from the 60s.

1:06:00🔗 Caller Don't get me started on the grape ape!

1:06:02🔗 Adam Yeah, at least this kid only has parents that are addicted to math.

1:06:05🔗 Drew Yes, we had Quick Drama Gross.

1:06:07🔗 Adam Grape ape. All right, everybody, please. Please, you pussy politicians, you get off your ever-winding ass and do something about this.

1:06:15🔗 Tom Kenny That is the spiral.

1:06:17🔗 Adam That is the spiral. Nobody, nobody, nobody wants to talk about it.

1:06:22🔗 Tom Kenny The souffle is about to fall.

1:06:23🔗 Adam Yes. Yeah.

1:06:24🔗 Drew The souffle you want.

1:06:25🔗 Adam Yeah, here's what you want, here's all they want. More kids, more angry people, more votes.

1:06:30🔗 Drew That's right. That's right. It's their power base.

1:06:31🔗 Adam Right.

1:06:32🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:06:32🔗 Adam It's all going to cave in on you, Zoe.

1:06:34🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, but ignorant, ill-educated people don't vote. So, right?

1:06:38🔗 Drew It's enough of them. You tell them you can get them what they want, they'll come out and vote.

1:06:41🔗 Adam Yeah. Morning after pill, you idiots. Please.

1:06:45🔗 Drew Oh my God. I tried to get somebody morning after pill the other day and this pharmacy was indignant. Like, we don't carry that. And I go, you have O'Ral? Yes. I want you to prescribe that.

1:06:55🔗 Adam Yes.

1:06:55🔗 Drew Couldn't, lots of obfuscation, somehow couldn't quite fill it for that patient. Couldn't find it that day.

1:07:02🔗 Adam I know this morning after pill, which is not an abortion pill, has been around for 20 years and yet no one wants to give it out. Speaking of politicians, when I cornered Maxine Waters over at the old Politically Incorrect and asked her about that stuff, she told me that the jury was still out on the safety of it.

1:07:22🔗 Drew The FDA is becoming a joke because of this particular issue. They are continuing to drag their feet in spite of a title wave of scientific data showing that it's a good thing, a safe thing, the right thing. They go up, they keep finding, and you can of course always go, we need to look at this one more little, you can always do that. It's becoming a joke.

1:07:42🔗 Tom Kenny But isn't that the way, it's the war on science, right, it's the war on logical, critical thought.

1:07:46🔗 Drew There's a war on science, you're right, there is a war on science.

1:07:49🔗 Adam And let me tell you something about you right wing Bible thumpers. Now first off, you have your retards like Maxine Waters, who are basically Aunt Esther. It's like you took Maxine Waters, I don't know what she does, she's a politician, but it's like if you took Aunt Esther and you spun her around a thousand times, put a trash can on her head and hit her with a baseball bat and pushed her, that's about as effective she is. She's just worried about riling up the black vote and doing all that, not doing anything. She never heard of the morning after pill and told me she had to investigate it. Of course, that should be a number one job with her constituency, but now we get nothing out of her. And then the super right wing Bible thumpers, you retards, you religious retards are making sure that Maxine Waters' constituency doesn't get hold of the morning after pill, they're gonna end up stabbing your kids. So enjoy all you idiots.

1:08:37🔗 Caller You get what you deserve.

1:08:38🔗 Adam It's awesome. What the hell is going on? Is anyone right thinking anymore? Can anyone just take a look at the human beings, study it as an animal and start making effective policies based on the animal known as human beings? Or do we have to open the Bible, take a look at the Torah or go on the Million Man March?

1:08:58🔗 Tom Kenny Well, then you start to feel like the only logical reasoned people are the ones you know. It's like, I think I met all the smart people. I think I've met them all.

1:09:12🔗 Drew I'm worried that we're not.

1:09:13🔗 Adam None of their wives, but all the guys.

1:09:14🔗 Tom Kenny They're me and my friends.

1:09:15🔗 Drew We're evidently not teaching science.

1:09:17🔗 Tom Kenny The wife's a dumbass.

1:09:18🔗 Drew We need to make kids take some science.

1:09:20🔗 Adam We're not teaching something. Science, logic, whatever you want to call it.

1:09:25🔗 Tom Kenny Intelligent design.

1:09:28🔗 Drew Faith is great. I'm all for people having faith in the belief system itself, but don't F with science. The reason that computer works, the reason the television works, because science works.

1:09:40🔗 Tom Kenny We're not sure that computers and televisions actually work. We have to do some studies.

1:09:44🔗 Adam Faith is fine, but don't use it to design an airplane. You'll go into the ground, you idiots.

1:09:50🔗 Drew That's right.

1:09:51🔗 Adam Let's take a little break. Do a little SpongeBob voice for us.

1:09:54🔗 Caller Come on, buddy. All right, we'll be back after these words from our sponsors.

1:10:00🔗 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back. Call on the 1-800-LOVE-191. Look here on Comcast Cable Channel 986 and the 105.3 FM.

1:10:11🔗 Caller 105.3 FM.

1:10:14🔗 Caller This is Live 105.

1:10:16🔗 Caller Absolute Poker is ready to send you to New York to see you two at Madison Square Garden on November 22nd, airfare and hotel included. Do you have the skills on the card table to win the U2 tickets? Go to live105.com and click on the Absolute Poker link.

1:10:46🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm Adam, that's Sanctimony's Drew, getting way up on his high horse with SpongeBob.

1:10:53🔗 Tom Kenny The fur is flying here in the studio during the commercial break.

1:10:58🔗 Adam Yeah, out of the barn.

1:10:59🔗 Tom Kenny There goes the horse.

1:11:00🔗 Adam Tom Kenny in tonight, voice of SpongeBob SquarePants and many, many, many other voices he's undercompensated for on a daily basis on Nickelodeon and beyond.

1:11:14🔗 Tom Kenny I have that pathetic actor thing where I'm just glad that I have a job, you know what I mean? I mean, you're talking to a microphone and somebody gives you money and it's like, wow. Because I have no other skills. It's not like I gave up my lucrative brain surgery career to do wacky voices.

1:11:28🔗 Adam Yeah, but you're a very funny comedic actor. I mean, he stole Windy City Heat, the movie we made. He was hysterical in it. And obviously you have acting chops and you can do on-camera stuff. I say you ask for a raise.

1:11:44🔗 Caller Okay, but you do it.

1:11:46🔗 Drew Well, Spongebob, there's no Spongebob without you. Yeah, there is. No, no, no. Yeah, there is. I say no.

1:11:52🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. Here's the deal.

1:11:55🔗 Drew Say good day.

1:11:56🔗 Adam I say good day. I think, there's a couple of things Spongebob has going for it. Tom's voice and Spongebob's voice are not worlds apart. It is put on. It's a character and everything, but there's some of your own natural voice in it.

1:12:13🔗 Tom Kenny There's some of that.

1:12:14🔗 Adam Which is good because that means someone can't just come along and do it. If you're just doing the voice of Boo Boo, then some other schlup could come in there and undercut you. You know what I mean? But you got, you got your own voice. You got some of your own voice and your own flavor for sure.

1:12:31🔗 Drew Tell you what, I'm not versatile.

1:12:32🔗 Tom Kenny That's because I'm not versatile.

1:12:34🔗 Adam He's got what we call it. No, you are versatile, but this one just happens to have some of your own voice in it, which is strong. But have you ever had any other guys doing SpongeBob for you?

1:12:44🔗 Caller Oh, I'm sure.

1:12:44🔗 Tom Kenny I'm sure if, I'm sure the phones would light up if you said call up and do your best SpongeBob. I mean, there's probably, All right.

1:12:50🔗 Caller You're gonna feel, there's probably people that can do it really good.

1:12:52🔗 Adam You're gonna feel pretty good about yourself.

1:12:54🔗 Tom Kenny Really?

1:12:54🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:12:54🔗 Tom Kenny You know, it ain't rocket science.

1:12:56🔗 Adam Yeah, but our listeners are really dumb.

1:12:59🔗 Tom Kenny There's gotta be somebody with vocal cords sort of Leo shape like mine or whatever.

1:13:03🔗 Drew Yeah, but SpongeBob is not just the sound. It's that sardonic quality that, you know.

1:13:08🔗 Adam I'm just saying.

1:13:09🔗 Tom Kenny Well, you know, it's a real nice, you know, writing, drawing, voice combo. I mean, it's very collaborative.

1:13:19🔗 Adam Right now, you're getting scale in a quarter. I'd like to see it scale in a half by this time next year.

1:13:24🔗 Tom Kenny I'm getting scale plus 10, actually. But thanks for inflating my salary.

1:13:29🔗 Caller Mike?

1:13:30🔗 Yes.

1:13:31🔗 Adam You're 25?

1:13:32🔗 Caller 25.

1:13:33🔗 Adam What's up?

1:13:34🔗 Caller Well, my question is, I've always been like a normal person, like in the bed, sexually, never wanted to try anything crazy. Well, begin this year, I went to Germany for a couple of months and my buddies had some DVD porn and magazines of German Scheisse videos. And it kind of like interested me.

1:13:55🔗 Drew What's a Scheisse? Are we saying a bad word when I say Scheisse?

1:13:58🔗 Adam Well, hold on a second. Well, you hear Scheister.

1:14:04🔗 Drew Yeah, but I wonder if Scheisse is the S word in German.

1:14:07🔗 Adam It is. I'm going to go with yes.

1:14:08🔗 Tom Kenny OK, I'm going to say yeah.

1:14:10🔗 Adam Aren't you allowed to cuss, though, in your non-language?

1:14:13🔗 Caller It's more Scheisse that you can't.

1:14:15🔗 Adam I see. I agree.

1:14:16🔗 Tom Kenny So Scheisse is a...

1:14:18🔗 Drew So drac and barret, all that stuff.

1:14:19🔗 Adam Yeah. Lucha Vavoum is a sea ring in Spanish. I don't know if you knew that.

1:14:27🔗 Tom Kenny That's good.

1:14:28🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:14:28🔗 Adam All right. So go ahead, Mike.

1:14:31🔗 Tom Kenny Is German poo like totally square?

1:14:33🔗 Adam What is the... These are poo videos?

1:14:36🔗 Caller They're poo videos.

1:14:37🔗 Adam How do they work, these poo videos?

1:14:39🔗 Caller It's basically, you know, people having sex. Oh, hell then, Barbara. You know, they get kind of like crazy in them and they just kind of like crap on each other. And, you know, this is something I've never really thought I'd be into, but I came back to the States and I like, my girlfriend's really conservative and I really want to tell her I'm kind of into this, but I'm just afraid she'll like, think I'm like really disgusting or, you know, I'm gonna leave. I don't know.

1:15:04🔗 Drew Hold on.

1:15:04🔗 Adam You want SpongeBob to call her?

1:15:07🔗 Drew No. No. And so, Mike, now you've made a statement. Why did you call the show?

1:15:13🔗 Adam Bogus.

1:15:15🔗 Caller No, no, I'm serious.

1:15:16🔗 Drew You've made a statement.

1:15:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:15:17🔗 Drew Why did you call the show?

1:15:19🔗 Adam I want to know how to tell her.

1:15:20🔗 Caller I want to tell my girlfriend. Yeah. I want to tell my girlfriend.

1:15:23🔗 Adam Oh, shut up. You want to know how to tell your girlfriend.

1:15:26🔗 Drew What do you think we're going to say?

1:15:27🔗 Adam Have we ever told anyone how to tell anybody anything?

1:15:30🔗 Drew You ever heard of saying that?

1:15:31🔗 Tom Kenny I think Hallmark makes a card for that.

1:15:32🔗 Adam Yes.

1:15:34🔗 Caller No, no, I'm serious. I really need the help. I really want to, you know.

1:15:38🔗 Tom Kenny When you care enough to tell her that you dig the shy zoo.

1:15:45🔗 Caller I might not even say anything and then like try it and see what she does or what?

1:15:48🔗 Drew Oh yeah, that'll go over nice.

1:15:50🔗 Adam By the way, this is the part two of The Bogus Call where we don't give you the advice for your non-question and then you start painting ridiculous scenarios. Should I just go ahead and? Yeah, do that, Mike. Do that tomorrow. Don't say anything and you just defecate on her, okay? I don't know.

1:16:08🔗 Caller I don't know if that's a good idea.

1:16:10🔗 Adam Yeah, no.

1:16:11🔗 Drew Well, there was a call.

1:16:12🔗 Adam Here's the thing. You cannot take a statement and put a question mark after it and call it a question.

1:16:18🔗 Drew Right.

1:16:19🔗 Adam That is still a statement.

1:16:21🔗 Drew The great Abraham Lincoln's quote or story, he said, if we took an elephant and we called its trunk a fifth leg, how many legs would the elephant have?

1:16:31🔗 Adam Five.

1:16:32🔗 Drew Four. Because calling it a trunk, calling it a leg doesn't make it a leg.

1:16:36🔗 Adam Very good, Drew. A little bumpy, we'll clean that up and add it for the best. All right, Drew, who do you want to talk to now?

1:16:43🔗 Drew Any truths, Zoey, Zoey, the four?

1:16:45🔗 Adam Answering orgasms, probably.

1:16:47🔗 Drew Four.

1:16:48🔗 Adam What happened to these sensory deprivation tanks?

1:16:51🔗 Drew I know you've been building one for quite some time.

1:16:52🔗 Adam I want one. I'm trying to turn my house into one.

1:16:55🔗 Drew They were using them for research for a while, then not lately.

1:16:58🔗 Adam Yeah, since that William Hurt movie came out, everyone's screwed as. Zoey?

1:17:04🔗 Yeah?

1:17:05🔗 Adam You're 20?

1:17:05🔗 Yeah.

1:17:06🔗 Adam What's up?

1:17:08🔗 Well, I've been having sex for about three years now, and I mean, it's good sometimes, but after a while, it's painful, and sometimes I still even bleed.

1:17:22🔗 Drew And what's your question?

1:17:23🔗 Well, I mean, I just want to know if there's anything I can do to either make it stop or.

1:17:29🔗 Drew That's probably a not question, but anyway, when was your last pap smear?

1:17:32🔗 Couple months ago, like in my gynecologist says everything's fine down there, I haven't had.

1:17:37🔗 Adam Shouldn't you get, you know when you get your oil change? They put that little sticker you just put on your odometer, what do you put on there? It's a last oil change, 26,000. You know when to get the oil change again, is to get that little sticker.

1:17:50🔗 Drew Yeah, it's expected by number three.

1:17:52🔗 Adam Need one on the vagina for the pap smear.

1:17:53🔗 Tom Kenny Put a little postcard in the mail.

1:17:55🔗 Drew We put it all.

1:17:56🔗 Tom Kenny It's time.

1:17:57🔗 Adam Holding a giant toothbrush for some reason.

1:17:59🔗 Drew You got to put it on the cervix, you know, even on the outside, you know, when the gynecologist goes back in.

1:18:04🔗 Adam Oh, so he knows.

1:18:05🔗 Drew Yeah, the cervix.

1:18:06🔗 Tom Kenny The cervix station.

1:18:06🔗 Adam That's good. Yeah, stamped, like, you know, like departments of weight and measures do with the pump, the gas station.

1:18:13🔗 Drew It's purple stamp on there.

1:18:14🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. Who are we talking to? Zoe. Zoe. Zoe.

1:18:19🔗 Yeah.

1:18:19🔗 Drew All right. How long do you have sex before it starts to hurt?

1:18:23🔗 Well, sometimes it'll hurt right away, and sometimes it'll be halfway through at the different times.

1:18:28🔗 Drew How long?

1:18:30🔗 Like maybe five, ten minutes, sometimes half an hour. Like the other night it was going on about an hour.

1:18:36🔗 Drew Okay. Well, there's no woman on earth that I've ever met that wouldn't have pain after an hour. And many begin to have pain. My life doesn't complain. Many have pain after.

1:18:45🔗 Adam Yeah, but the cartner's not hung very well. If he was hung more like the pool guy, she would be bitchy.

1:18:50🔗 Drew I would say most women have pain after, most, not all, but most have pain after about ten minutes.

1:18:55🔗 Adam That's your first clue.

1:18:57🔗 Drew So what is the deal here?

1:18:58🔗 Adam Two times a week in no pool once I could understand.

1:19:01🔗 A second goes in.

1:19:02🔗 Drew And is that a different kind of pain or is it the same one?

1:19:05🔗 Caller It's the same one.

1:19:06🔗 Drew And is it pain with deep penetration or pain just getting it in there?

1:19:09🔗 Pain just getting it in there.

1:19:11🔗 Drew So that's, are you on a birth control pill? No. Is there dryness or irritation, anything like that?

1:19:17🔗 After a while, yeah.

1:19:19🔗 Drew Yeah, after a while, but not when, do you ever have sort of muscular spasm of the vagina? So you have trouble getting it because of that?

1:19:26🔗 Adam Can you have an orgasm with oral sex?

1:19:28🔗 Oh yeah.

1:19:29🔗 Adam Okay, so we're focused on that.

1:19:31🔗 Yeah, I mean, orgasms aren't a problem, it's just sometimes it's really painful and then, you know, it's really embarrassing when you bleed afterwards or something, you know?

1:19:39🔗 Drew It's also very common to be bleeding with, sex stimulates bleeding in a lot of women. No birth control pills, though, huh? For you.

1:19:45🔗 Yeah.

1:19:46🔗 Drew What are you doing for contraception?

1:19:49🔗 I did the depo for a while.

1:19:51🔗 Drew That's what I'm talking about. So Zoe, God.

1:19:54🔗 Adam We kept saying birth control.

1:19:55🔗 Drew Oh my God, Zoe.

1:19:56🔗 Adam Zoe, junior college?

1:19:58🔗 Caller Yeah. All right, perfect.

1:20:00🔗 Caller I did do university for a year, so.

1:20:04🔗 Drew In a way, Zoe, that's worse.

1:20:05🔗 Adam Shocking.

1:20:06🔗 Drew It's dropping back to the minors. Okay, let me.

1:20:09🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah. It's like the guy at the carnival. I guess you're waiting on your age. I mean.

1:20:13🔗 Adam Listen, I know stupid when I hear it.

1:20:14🔗 Drew All right, so Zoe, the reason I was asking you about birth control is.

1:20:19🔗 Adam It dries, yeah.

1:20:19🔗 Drew Depoprovera can dry you up and cause lots of pain.

1:20:22🔗 Adam There you go.

1:20:23🔗 Drew And so you may sometimes need to have an estrogen suppository, something called Vagifem that can help you out.

1:20:28🔗 Adam Wow. Here's the thing.

1:20:30🔗 Drew Talk to your doctor.

1:20:30🔗 Adam Count me in. Whatever Vagifem is, count me in.

1:20:33🔗 Drew It's a good name, huh?

1:20:34🔗 Tom Kenny I think I did a voiceover for them.

1:20:35🔗 Drew Yeah. Vagifem? Yeah.

1:20:37🔗 Tom Kenny Ask your doctor if Vagifem is right for you.

1:20:39🔗 Adam I'm gonna name my pontoon boat Vagifem.

1:20:41🔗 Drew Well, Vagifem, it dices vegetables and stuff.

1:20:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:20:45🔗 Adam Ron Popiel for Vagifem.

1:20:47🔗 Tom Kenny Well, how much would you pay?

1:20:49🔗 Adam But wait. I'm not done. We're throwing a holster. Yeah. It's always, I got burned on the Wonder Mop many years ago, but it's always a bad product when they'll throw in another one for free.

1:21:03🔗 Drew The Wonder Mop. What's with all the foaming stuff now? What is all that?

1:21:07🔗 Adam What's all the, you mean the building?

1:21:08🔗 Drew The foaming cleaners.

1:21:10🔗 Adam Everything's foam.

1:21:10🔗 Drew And foam, everything dissolves.

1:21:13🔗 Adam It's smooth.

1:21:13🔗 Caller Right.

1:21:14🔗 Adam I always get angry.

1:21:15🔗 Caller That means it's working.

1:21:16🔗 Adam I get, I get angry at any of those commercials about cleaners when they're always talking about use it on the RV, use it on the boat. I'm like, who's got a, who's up at 430 in the morning has got an RV in a boat if they're not in their RV or on their boat right now. Where does everyone get a boat in an RV? You know what I mean?

1:21:34🔗 Drew Yes.

1:21:36🔗 Adam How many, it's real. And I was like when they, it always makes me angry when they do this one. Use it on floors, use it on ceilings, use it on doors, use it on windows, use it everywhere. Just say use it everywhere at the beginning. Don't give me the 14 scenarios and then everywhere.

1:21:49🔗 Drew Do you have tamper, touch, break with the smoke detector?

1:21:52🔗 Adam I go- And hundreds of other uses. I go, here's what happens to me when I fly. They always do that thing. Is it American that does it?

1:22:00🔗 Drew They all do. Oh, United does it.

1:22:01🔗 Adam United and some of their subsidiaries I think do, but they go, it is a federal law. You cannot tamper with, disable or destroy the smoke detector in the lavatory. And I'm always like, tamper covers it.

1:22:17🔗 Drew Destroy does too, by the way.

1:22:18🔗 Adam Destroy covers it, but tamper. Unless you're using telepathy to disable it, but even that, I would argue in a court of law, is tampering. You do not need the disable or the destroy part. That is all this lawyer speak. We don't realize how much of our lives are being wasted by the lawyer speak. And then they want to know why you tune out. Do not, is it federal law to tamper with, disable or destroy, or really, we needed the third or tamper with, not going to cover it.

1:22:51🔗 Tom Kenny It's probably federal law to destroy anything on the airplane.

1:22:55🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:22:56🔗 Tom Kenny Well, it's destroying any part of the aircraft is not good.

1:22:59🔗 Adam Tamper covers what you need to do to the smoke detector so you could go smoke. And is there anybody smoking in the land on an airplane anymore? Is that, who's got huevos? Who's that big of a frock star to do that?

1:23:11🔗 Drew And if that would happen, it would be...

1:23:14🔗 Adam Oh, they would turn the plane around.

1:23:15🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. Oh, they would take it down. Land it.

1:23:18🔗 Adam Land it. Just drive it into the ocean.

1:23:20🔗 Tom Kenny Strap a chute on you and kick you out.

1:23:21🔗 Adam That's right. Aaron?

1:23:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:23:25🔗 Adam Hold on, Champ. We got to take a little break. Sorry, buddy.

1:23:32🔗 Drew That's pretty important. It's a quickie.

1:23:34🔗 Adam Bumps on the penis?

1:23:35🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, because I was wondering if it's possible to get STDs or like some sort of penile infection before you have sex? Because I got these before I had sex.

1:23:44🔗 Drew The bumps are usually pearly penile papules and they are normal.

1:23:47🔗 Adam They are?

1:23:48🔗 Drew Pearly penile papules.

1:23:49🔗 Tom Kenny Nice alliterations.

1:23:50🔗 Adam They were just triplets by the way. Pearly was born first.

1:23:53🔗 Drew Penile papules, yeah.

1:23:56🔗 Caller Is there like, will they go away or?

1:23:58🔗 Drew No, they're normal.

1:23:59🔗 Caller Okay.

1:24:00🔗 Drew You might want to just have somebody look at it and make sure it's not worse. But, because there is such a thing as-

1:24:04🔗 Adam You can get rid of them with a melon baller, can't you?

1:24:06🔗 Drew The, no, that's the- That's a molluscum contagiosa.

1:24:09🔗 Adam Oh yeah, that's my one.

1:24:10🔗 Drew You would, oh man, you would, if Ray or somebody had that, you'd love to work on that.

1:24:14🔗 Adam I'll tell you on tonight's TLC-

1:24:16🔗 Drew I saw it.

1:24:18🔗 Adam Pear, pear pliers. Pear needle nose pliers that popped a guy's back. Sid was awesome.

1:24:24🔗 Drew My wife screamed out loud four times during that little exchange. I mean, I've never seen her do that before. Oh my God.

1:24:32🔗 Adam I got to tell you, my buddy Ray was shirtless and working on the house. He had a nice big back sit. I did that thing where I grabbed a handful of skin, pulled it away and then took some needle nose electrician pliers, pinched the area off and that baby blew. And it was satisfying, man. Wow. I thought you were going to drop a nail into it. I did clip one of them with a nail, but I did that thing where I wiped it under my armpit so it was good and straight.

1:24:58🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.

1:25:00🔗 Adam That's good.

1:25:00🔗 Drew Raising the hospital now with pseudomodal infections.

1:25:03🔗 Adam Here's the thing about-

1:25:04🔗 Drew I need a backderm.

1:25:06🔗 Adam Guys like my buddy Ray, somehow, magically, never get sick, no allergies, no foodborne allergies, no environmental allergies. This is for people that have money, have time and are neurotic. Somehow, every guy who works construction, not allergic to anything. So magical. You never see one of the Mexican guys who's been stripping the roof all day come in and say that he has lactose intolerance or wants to know if there's cheese that's on that food. Is this sandwich made? Is there- How come those guys never get anything? You know why? Because it doesn't exist. You just can do that when you have enough time, you have enough money, and you sit on your fat ass long enough, you get to invent things to occupy yourself because we're like superstitious natives. We have too much food in the cupboard and too much money in the banks, we have to keep inventing invisible things that are going to get us. The guys who live in the real world, the guys who bust their ass, the guys who work out in the sun, they don't have to invent invisible things that are going to kill them.

1:26:04🔗 Tom Kenny I had to give up my lucha wrestling because I was lactose intolerant.

1:26:08🔗 Adam Yeah, right.

1:26:09🔗 Tom Kenny It screwed up my wrestling career, man.

1:26:11🔗 Adam Find me one construction guy that's allergic to any food. Find him. Never worked with a dude. Guy's eating slop off the lunch truck all day long. Never asking the Mexican chick behind there making the chimichangas. Is that cooked with vegetable shortening? Is that a shortening in there?

1:26:29🔗 Drew When that guy goes out on disability with his back problem, then that stuff starts.

1:26:34🔗 Adam Well, he's a drug addict.

1:26:35🔗 Drew That's right.

1:26:36🔗 Adam He just gets hooked on Vicodin. That's a man's drug. That's right.

1:26:40🔗 Tom Kenny That's a fireman that fell off a roof drug.

1:26:43🔗 Adam Yeah. I go ahead and take a pair of filthy pliers and pop it in on my buddy's back. It never gets infected. Rain never gets an infection, never gets anything. Yeah. All right.

1:26:52🔗 Tom Kenny So it really is the Learning Channel.

1:26:53🔗 Drew No one.

1:26:54🔗 Tom Kenny It's highly educational.

1:26:56🔗 Adam No chronic fatigue syndrome, no nothing. No syndromes.

1:27:00🔗 Drew Although I heard them talking to their nephew, trying to convince him to stay in school. It was like staring straight.

1:27:04🔗 Adam They were.

1:27:05🔗 Drew You want to be like me?

1:27:07🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:27:07🔗 Drew You want to wear construction all your life?

1:27:09🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:27:09🔗 Caller Give me your shoes.

1:27:10🔗 Adam I will take a quick break.

1:27:12🔗 Drew He goes, look at me. I see the therapist twice a week. You know why? And one of the guys says, because you can't afford seven times a week.

1:27:18🔗 Adam That was funny.

1:27:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:27:21🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. It's a good show. Take a quick break. Be right back after this. Give me your mother F and shoot. Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, the great Tom Kenny.

1:28:02🔗 Drew Hello.

1:28:03🔗 Adam In studio city.

1:28:03🔗 Tom Kenny Sexually troubled listeners.

1:28:05🔗 Adam Voice of SpongeBob.

1:28:06🔗 Drew SpongeBob a virgin?

1:28:08🔗 Tom Kenny Huh?

1:28:08🔗 Drew Is SpongeBob a virgin?

1:28:09🔗 Tom Kenny To the best of my knowledge, yes.

1:28:11🔗 Caller Well, yeah.

1:28:13🔗 Drew Maybe he was high one night.

1:28:13🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, there may be a lost episode that'll come out in a few years.

1:28:17🔗 Adam Well, not an anal, but vaginally, yeah.

1:28:20🔗 Drew Yeah, Gary's not a virgin. Gary's definitely not.

1:28:22🔗 Adam Technically. Lucha Vavum is the name of the show of the Mayan Theater. That is the 26th and 27th.

1:28:29🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, great lineup, great lineup.

1:28:31🔗 Adam If you like burlesque, if you like Mexican wrestling, if you like comedy, this is your destination.

1:28:37🔗 Tom Kenny There are midget wrestlers at the show too, the mini matches.

1:28:41🔗 Adam Are they midget Mexican wrestlers?

1:28:43🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah.

1:28:44🔗 Adam Oh, they are?

1:28:45🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah.

1:28:45🔗 Adam Okay, fantastic.

1:28:46🔗 Tom Kenny The two Ms, they got the two Ms going for them. Yeah, they're awesome. Those guys are really incredible.

1:28:51🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing about, if you think about what you're looking for in a good wrestler, Drew, and let's really break it down.

1:28:59🔗 Tom Kenny A good midget wrestler or a good full-size wrestler?

1:29:01🔗 Adam I'm saying in general, a wrestler, here's not the... You don't want a guy who's 6'8 and 190 pounds to wrestle. You don't want the parts flopping around. You don't want a daddy long life.

1:29:12🔗 Drew You want everything close to the core.

1:29:14🔗 Adam Yeah, what you're looking for is what you're looking for in a good gymnast. You know, a five foot guy who can tumble.

1:29:21🔗 Drew But you want more of a bowling ball than a gymnast, don't you?

1:29:24🔗 Adam Well, you'd like a little extra weight on him, but in general, you don't want the limbs to extend too far.

1:29:30🔗 Drew You want something like that ass like Violet J.

1:29:33🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm just saying if you're going to get a guy who's going to go up to the top turnbuckle and do a back flip, you don't want that guy to be 6'8 and gangly. It's not going to work out.

1:29:41🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, although I've seen huge guys do that at these lucha shows. They're fearless. I mean, it's insane.

1:29:47🔗 Adam Yes, it's amazing, but I would say that the midget, much like the gymnast, is actually aided by his diminutive stature and low center of gravity for this particular event.

1:30:00🔗 Drew Okay.

1:30:00🔗 Adam Yes?

1:30:01🔗 Drew Yes.

1:30:01🔗 Adam Yes?

1:30:01🔗 Tom Kenny If you're too tall, you're like those Snow Walker things in Star Wars, you know? Right. You just tip right over.

1:30:08🔗 Adam Nerding. Mike?

1:30:12🔗 Caller Oh.

1:30:12🔗 Adam Do you know what he's talking about?

1:30:13🔗 Caller No, I don't know.

1:30:14🔗 Adam No, I don't know. I didn't see that. I was home having sex wherever you were. Yeah. I was with my sister crying at the theater.

1:30:22🔗 Tom Kenny My little brother liked it.

1:30:23🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:30:27🔗 Caller Yeah. Good evening, Adam. Dr. Drew and Mr. Kenny.

1:30:30🔗 Adam Hey, how are you?

1:30:32🔗 Caller My question was actually for Mr. Kenny.

1:30:34🔗 Tom Kenny Cool. I'm a mister. You're not, Adam.

1:30:37🔗 Caller I was just wondering if with the success you've had with Spongebob, if you've ever had any aspirations of ideas or ideas of doing your own cartoon or anything.

1:30:47🔗 Tom Kenny Well, luckily, for me, my lack of ambition or need to express myself helps in that area.

1:30:55🔗 Adam The not doing of it.

1:30:56🔗 Tom Kenny The not doing of it. But no, actually, I just sold a little pilot to Warner Brothers, Cartoon Network slash Warner Brothers.

1:31:06🔗 Adam It's called Grape Ape Part 2.

1:31:08🔗 Tom Kenny It's called Grape Ape. Yeah, it is. So yeah, we'll see what happens with that.

1:31:11🔗 Drew But yeah, it's fun. Grape Ape beats the Bay Splits.

1:31:14🔗 Tom Kenny Yeah, it goes. You hang around with your friends and there's always stuff coming out. You know, I mean, sure. Look at you.

1:31:18🔗 Adam Oh, man.

1:31:19🔗 Tom Kenny I got more ideas and you get.

1:31:22🔗 Adam I'm like the the Edison of bad kinetic ideas.

1:31:25🔗 Drew The Edison.

1:31:26🔗 Adam David. Hello, David, you're 21. Yeah, you cheated with your ex-girlfriend now she's pregnant.

1:31:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:35🔗 Adam And you want to know where to tell your current girlfriend?

1:31:38🔗 Caller Well, I kind of told her, but she's she's pushing towards the abortion. I'm not sure which way I want to go.

1:31:47🔗 Drew She's pushing who towards the abortion?

1:31:49🔗 Caller Okay.

1:31:50🔗 Caller My current girlfriend found out that I cheated on her with my ex-girlfriend.

1:31:55🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:31:55🔗 Caller And she's she's expecting me to have the abortion with my ex-girlfriend.

1:32:00🔗 Drew What does what does your abortion have to do with you? Is she talking directly to your ex-girlfriend?

1:32:05🔗 Caller How?

1:32:06🔗 Drew How could her?

1:32:08🔗 Adam How can she will your ex to get an abortion?

1:32:11🔗 Drew And what does that have to do with her?

1:32:14🔗 Caller Well, if we were to not have the abortion, then we wouldn't be able to be together pretty much.

1:32:22🔗 Adam So, so your current girlfriend will dump you if you don't get the ex to get an abortion.

1:32:28🔗 Caller Right.

1:32:29🔗 Adam Is the ex gonna have an abortion?

1:32:32🔗 Caller Well, the ex won't have the kid unless unless I'm gonna be there. All right.

1:32:39🔗 Drew Well, there you go.

1:32:40🔗 Adam Perfect. So go ahead and get the abortion.

1:32:44🔗 Drew Or what about adoption? That's also a possibility.

1:32:46🔗 Caller No, she's not willing to do that. And part of me is I'm confused on, well, I'm 21. Okay. I'm, I'm barely starting my life. Yeah.

1:32:57🔗 Drew Well, we'll hear that.

1:32:58🔗 Adam Yeah. Don't, don't worry. You're not going anywhere.

1:33:01🔗 Caller Decision on, on marrying this chick or this chick just because the sex is a lot better with my ex-girlfriend.

1:33:07🔗 Adam I mean, okay. Hold on.

1:33:11🔗 Drew He sounds gay, doesn't he?

1:33:12🔗 Adam He sounds, well, he sounds gay to us, but as his friends know him as, you know, Mr. Personality.

1:33:19🔗 Drew Oh yeah.

1:33:22🔗 Adam He's like the guy in the music man. He really is. He was supposed to start singing or rhyming at some point.

1:33:28🔗 Caller All right.

1:33:29🔗 Adam Listen, David, stop, stop having unprotected sex with people's number one. Number two, this abortion, I'd be willing to pay for it if someone would go ahead and do it.

1:33:39🔗 Drew And then adoption is always a possibility and stay with the girl you wish to stay with. And we'll see what happens here.

1:33:45🔗 Caller All right.

1:33:45🔗 Adam So please, please put a condom on. We'll take a break. We'll be right back after this.

1:33:50🔗 Caller Alright, guys, here's the deal.

1:33:52🔗 Caller You looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:55🔗 Tom Kenny One call is all you need to make.

1:33:57🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:58🔗 Drew 877-889-DATE.

1:34:00🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:34:30🔗 Adam Yeah, Love Line. That's it. I want to thank Tom Kenny for coming in here tonight.

1:34:35🔗 Drew Thanks for having me on.

1:34:37🔗 Adam SpongeBob, Bucha Vavoum, 26, 27, is mine theater, everybody. 17th, 18th, November in Los Vegas.

1:34:44🔗 Tom Kenny Caesar's Palace, Los Wages.

1:34:46🔗 Adam God love you. Tom, great guy. Thanks, bud, you too.

1:34:48🔗 Tom Kenny Thanks a lot.

1:34:49🔗 Adam Good person, smart, wish there was more of you.

1:34:51🔗 Caller I really do.

1:34:53🔗 Adam We'll take a little extendo, 22-hour break, and until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:58🔗 Tom Kenny As a lifelong frustrated cartoonist, Kenny is thrilled to be a part of today's Animation Renaissance.

1:35:06🔗 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:10🔗 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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