Thursday, October 20, 2005

0:57🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience.

1:01🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.

1:04🔗 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content.

1:07🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, Loveline, with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:22🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dr. Drew. Board Certified Physician, Dictionary Medicine Specialist.

1:31🔗 Drew Psychic. I see blue.

1:32🔗 Adam I see blue.

1:33🔗 Drew I see blue, Adam. Blue. Orange. Orange. Orange. Something orange.

1:36🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. I like... We were laughing about psychics last night, what idiots they all are, but I like when they make these matters of... They make these statements like they're fact. Ladies have an orange-ish-red aura and men is bluish-green. Oh, okay. Let me... Which color was the male one again? Yeah, look out for that. Yeah. I always like the bad analogy about stuff that doesn't work, too. When they do... Well, when somebody has a pseudoscience...

2:11🔗 Drew Oh, right.

2:12🔗 Adam And they go...

2:13🔗 Drew It's like...

2:14🔗 Adam Yeah. You know, like when a ship goes into the ocean and it displaces a certain amount of water, that amount can't weigh more than the actual weight of the ship or the ship will sink? Your aura is the same way. Like, you're like, huh? Okay. Yeah. The first one was something...

2:34🔗 Drew About physical reality.

2:35🔗 Adam Right. But if they marry it, if they marry it to your aura, if they marry something that's logical to some crappy piece of pseudoscience, you just go wrong.

2:45🔗 Drew It's like, oh, thanks for telling me.

2:47🔗 Adam Once I can get your head nodding the right direction, then it'll keep going that direction. Right.

2:53🔗 Drew Because then you kind of get out too. You want to wrap it up.

2:55🔗 Adam You know how it works when you... And this is how this works. You just get your head, just keep going.

3:00🔗 Drew There's that thing too.

3:01🔗 Adam Get the hell out of here.

3:01🔗 Drew You want to get away from too.

3:03🔗 Adam Yeah.

3:03🔗 Drew There's always that feeling. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

3:06🔗 Adam Here's the thing.

3:06🔗 Drew Oh yeah, I got it.

3:07🔗 Adam Chris Angel in here last night. Nice guy. Mind Freak came in here. At a certain point, Drew and I came back from one of our many potty breaks. You're going to be in for a treat tonight, by the way, because I ate asparagus tonight, and it does not take a psychic to realize I did it once I whizz up that urinal, Drew. You were going to smell it. Pungent, pungent. Yeah. Well, he came back. He had four forks that looked like he dug them up from a Civil War graveyard. These things were made out of, like, pot tin. They weighed less than plastic forks, but they were metal. And he had the three of them just sort of sitting out. He goes, hey, I got these forks. Go ahead. Watch this. And he starts shaking it. And I'm like, well, where'd you get these forks? Oh, I brought them with me. But they're no different than any ones you would find on a hole. He's a nice guy to want to say, like, well, if you bring the fork with you, it doesn't really count.

4:04🔗 Drew Something about that fork.

4:05🔗 Adam Here's the thing. If you come to mine.

4:08🔗 Drew He bent the fork was the trick.

4:09🔗 Adam He bent the fork with his mind. With his mind.

4:12🔗 Drew Yeah, of course.

4:12🔗 Adam His fork with his mind, though. His mind doesn't work on my fork.

4:16🔗 Drew No.

4:16🔗 Adam My forks are made of steel. My forks are stainless steel. These are mostly lead with a little paste and just a drop of semen. Here's the thing. If you come to my house, I open my fork drawer, pull out the bottom fork, set it on top of the counter and you bend it. That's something.

4:36🔗 Drew Yeah.

4:36🔗 Adam If you bring your own fork to my house, which you claim is the same as my fork, except for we'll be using your fork.

4:42🔗 Drew Love to see about that. It's called non-reproducibility.

4:44🔗 Adam It's game over.

4:45🔗 Drew Non-reproducibility.

4:46🔗 Adam Yeah. Here's the deal. I could get 21 every hand if the casino would let me use my own deck. Why can't I use my own deck? I don't understand.

4:57🔗 Drew Same as the same.

4:58🔗 Adam Let me prove to you I'm the world's greatest blackjack player by using my own deck of nothing but kings and aces. Can I please? Oh, we have to use your deck? Well, now I'm insulted. Game off. Yeah. Anytime someone brings their own fork to Ben, maybe something up.

5:13🔗 Drew Yeah, maybe.

5:14🔗 Adam Maybe it's the fork. All right. And then, Drew, you made me nervous because you were picking it up and playing around with it.

5:19🔗 Drew You were looking at it. Yeah.

5:20🔗 Adam I don't like that. I thought it was going to break off in your hand and we're going to be embarrassed. You know what I'm saying?

5:26🔗 Drew No, I think he just flipped. He switched. He had a way of switching them.

5:30🔗 Adam Oh, really?

5:31🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. He switched them. Because I tried bending it back. Couldn't bend it back.

5:34🔗 Adam Yeah, but the forks were sort of light and looked like they're made of pine steel.

5:37🔗 Drew Except I tried to bend it back. I couldn't.

5:40🔗 Adam Maybe it does it once and sort of locks off.

5:43🔗 Drew Maybe.

5:44🔗 Adam Just don't monkey. Don't monkey. You know how uncomfortable that made me?

5:47🔗 Drew You wouldn't have left it out there if it were part of the trick. You know what I mean? If the trick could be screwed up by that.

5:51🔗 Adam You're right. You wouldn't have thrown it out there. I wanted you to examine it.

5:54🔗 Drew Right.

5:54🔗 Adam Good. Smart, Drew. Smart, buddy.

5:56🔗 Drew These guys don't leave any stone unturned.

5:57🔗 Adam You're right. Melissa? You're right. 21? Yes. He switched a fork, left a good one out there so that you could examine it.

6:06🔗 Drew Right.

6:06🔗 Adam And not only did he leave it out there, he practically put it in your ass. He almost stabbed Drew with it.

6:11🔗 Drew Well, I pulled it out.

6:12🔗 Adam He shoved it right in front of Drew and just left him there.

6:15🔗 Drew He had one prong sticking out in opposite direction. It was uncomfortable.

6:20🔗 Adam Okay. You're right, Drew. Melissa?

6:22🔗 Uh-huh?

6:23🔗 Adam What's up?

6:24🔗 Well, okay. I've been married for four years. We've been together five years.

6:29🔗 Adam I stopped at the generic fork store on the way. He really should embellish that story. I stopped at the all steel generic fork store on the way in and bought four random forks. Now, let me show you this trick as you should do it. Okay. Melissa, let's walk.

6:45🔗 Drew You got married at 17?

6:48🔗 No. We've been together since I was 17 going on five years, going on married for. We've been married for three, going on four.

6:55🔗 Drew You got married at 18?

6:57🔗 Yeah.

6:57🔗 Drew I'm sorry.

6:58🔗 It's way off.

6:59🔗 Drew Adam, I'm taking part. Way, way off.

7:01🔗 I'm almost 22.

7:02🔗 I'll be 22 in December.

7:04🔗 Drew How old is your husband?

7:05🔗 He's 23.

7:06🔗 Adam All right.

7:06🔗 Drew What's the question?

7:08🔗 He just recently got completely naked in front of me like two months ago.

7:15🔗 Adam What's that mean?

7:16🔗 Like he like no boxers, nothing like bare butt naked.

7:21🔗 Drew And he had never done that before?

7:23🔗 No.

7:24🔗 Adam Well, when I said, what do you mean? I really meant, what's your point? Yeah.

7:27🔗 Drew Is that unusual? Is that bothersome?

7:29🔗 Yeah.

7:29🔗 Why is that?

7:31🔗 I have never met any guy that would not strip down butt naked any chance they got.

7:37🔗 Adam Well, why didn't you call us in last week, you know, call us in before he did it and ask us why?

7:43🔗 Because he's never done it.

7:44🔗 It's kind of a weird thing. He just dropped his pants one day and I was like, what?

7:48🔗 Drew He suddenly did it.

7:49🔗 Adam Is he overweight?

7:50🔗 No.

7:51🔗 Drew Is there something about him that he's ashamed of?

7:54🔗 Not that I know of.

7:55🔗 Drew Have you asked him why he's so uncomfortable with this?

7:58🔗 Yeah.

7:58🔗 He said, I just don't feel comfortable doing it.

8:01🔗 Drew Well, and then you asked, well, why?

8:03🔗 Yeah.

8:04🔗 He's just like, well, no reason. Why question me?

8:08🔗 Drew Why question you? Because it's bizarre.

8:11🔗 He always asked me, he's like, well, why you question me?

8:13🔗 Why does it matter? Why should I?

8:16🔗 Drew You take that as an answer, Melissa?

8:17🔗 Well, I might as well say that before I get it.

8:21🔗 Drew No, before you get it.

8:23🔗 Yeah.

8:23🔗 Adam What do you mean get it?

8:24🔗 Get it?

8:24🔗 Drew You mean he's going to back off the sex if you question him about?

8:28🔗 No, he just was like, he'll be like, he'll go off on me.

8:30🔗 He'll be like, well, oh my God. He's like, you always nag me and everything else. Just shut up and leave me alone.

8:35🔗 Drew Let's talk to him. Where is he?

8:37🔗 He's at home.

8:39🔗 Drew Can we talk to him?

8:39🔗 Zip it, you nag!

8:40🔗 No, he's at home.

8:42🔗 Adam Where are you?

8:44🔗 I'm actually at work right now.

8:46🔗 Adam Oh, where do you work?

8:47🔗 Drew Security.

8:48🔗 I drive to nursing homes every night.

8:52🔗 Drew What do you mean, drive to nursing homes? To do what?

8:54🔗 To drop off diapers and IVs and stuff like that.

8:58🔗 Adam Wow. I'll tell you what, that is right below international jewel thief excitement.

9:04🔗 Yes, it's pretty interesting.

9:05🔗 Adam Job-o-meter, driving to nursing homes and dropping off pampers.

9:08🔗 Drew And catheters.

9:10🔗 Adam How big are you, baby? That's a heavyweight job. That's no job for a pixie. That's a big gal's job right there.

9:18🔗 Well, I'm not that big, so.

9:20🔗 Adam What do you got?

9:21🔗 145.

9:22🔗 Adam 145?

9:23🔗 Yeah.

9:23🔗 Adam All right.

9:24🔗 Drew Three feet?

9:25🔗 No, 5'5.

9:27🔗 Drew All right.

9:27🔗 Adam I don't like the way this relationship is going.

9:30🔗 Drew No, no, no, no. Don't do that. Don't say that.

9:32🔗 Adam I'm not going to tell him to get the force.

9:34🔗 Drew Just, just, I don't like the fact that he won't answer your simple questions about his bizarre behavior and then he puts you on the defensive. That's not fair. It's not playing fair. Tell him it's not fair. It is bizarre. You've talked to us. Come on. What's the deal?

9:46🔗 Adam Don't have any kids for a while.

9:47🔗 Well, we got two already.

9:50🔗 Drew Oh, man.

9:51🔗 We have a two-year-old and a nine-month-old.

9:53🔗 Adam Okay.

9:54🔗 Drew Well, now, at least, let's put it this way, at least he's getting over this whole thing.

9:57🔗 Adam Right.

9:57🔗 Drew Whatever it was, it's getting better.

9:59🔗 Adam Okay, here's the thing, everybody. When you have kids, you have to get along with your partner. You don't have to get along with your partner because you love your partner. You have to get along with your partner because you love your kids. You owe it to your kids to get along with your partner.

10:12🔗 Drew Yeah. And then you'll love your partner. You know what I mean?

10:15🔗 Adam Yeah. Whatever it takes to kickstart you in the right direction, just do it. Decide.

10:21🔗 Drew Let's put it in a more glamorous terms. You have an obligation to pay attention to that relationship. Make it work. On behalf of your kids, you have to give it what it needs and be dedicated to it in order to make it work.

10:35🔗 Adam I would say this to Drew. What do you think of this? There's two guys. One black, one white. Both racists. Oh yes, you can be a black racist. Look at Spike Lee. You both hate each other, just naturally. But you're huge Pistons fans. You both love the Pistons. You love the NBA Pistons. So you show up to a couple of games and you sit next to each other. The next thing you know, you're cheering when your team makes a basket. Then the next thing you know, you have such a great love for this third object that you're able to sort of get past whatever differences you have. Can't you treat that kids that way?

11:14🔗 Drew It's a beautiful way to describe a marriage. You start out hating each other.

11:16🔗 Adam You're Charles Heston, he's Spike Lee, but you love this country. Can you get past it?

11:22🔗 Drew There you go.

11:23🔗 Adam Okay. Everyone get over your own ass on the half of your kids.

11:27🔗 Drew General rule of thumb.

11:28🔗 Adam I'm really just talking to my parents. Sarah?

11:31🔗 Hi.

11:32🔗 Adam Uh oh. 15?

11:34🔗 Yeah.

11:35🔗 Drew What's going on?

11:35🔗 Adam What's up?

11:36🔗 Okay. I seriously have the best boyfriend in the world, but I am constantly cheating on him. I don't know why. Like, I think I get a rush.

11:46🔗 Drew You may have the best boyfriend, but you have the worst dad.

11:49🔗 Oh.

11:50🔗 Adam Heavy.

11:50🔗 Drew Heavy.

11:51🔗 I have a good dad.

11:53🔗 Adam Do you have sex with these other guys?

11:55🔗 Yeah.

11:56🔗 Adam You have actual sex?

11:58🔗 Yeah.

11:59🔗 Adam How many guys?

12:00🔗 Five.

12:02🔗 Drew Five guys.

12:03🔗 Adam And what period of time?

12:05🔗 Three months.

12:06🔗 Adam Pretty good. And this is all while you've had the boyfriend?

12:11🔗 A little bit before and during.

12:15🔗 Adam Okay. So where is your dad? Something's up.

12:18🔗 I live with my stepdad.

12:20🔗 Drew Who is your biological father?

12:21🔗 He died.

12:22🔗 Drew Of what?

12:23🔗 Cancer.

12:25🔗 Drew How old were you?

12:26🔗 It was a couple years ago.

12:29🔗 Drew That's some pretty heavy stuff to go through.

12:30🔗 Adam What kind of cancer?

12:31🔗 Lung cancer.

12:33🔗 Oy, oy, oy.

12:34🔗 Adam Now Drew's going to start asking addiction questions, which will be a little bit offensive because your dad has passed on. I know Drew's thinking crack pipe blew up and tore a lung.

12:44🔗 Drew No, alcohol, cigarettes. Alcohol?

12:46🔗 Adam Well.

12:47🔗 Me?

12:48🔗 Adam No, your dad. How'd you get along with him?

12:51🔗 I didn't know him very well.

12:53🔗 Drew Why?

12:54🔗 I just lived with my mom and my stepdad the whole time.

12:58🔗 Adam Your real dad got out early and just sort of abandoned the family?

13:01🔗 Well, he had another family. But towards the end of his life, I lived with him for a while.

13:07🔗 Drew Oh, my goodness.

13:08🔗 Adam Well, that just means you got out of control at home and your stepdad kicked you out, right?

13:12🔗 No, I knew he was really sick and I went to go see him.

13:16🔗 Adam I feel like an a-hole.

13:17🔗 Drew And then she decompensated afterwards.

13:19🔗 Adam Okay.

13:19🔗 Drew All right, there is some heavy stuff to have to deal with.

13:21🔗 Adam I really think there's nothing worse you can do to your young daughter than move out, abandon her and start a new family.

13:27🔗 Drew Oh, my God. That's it.

13:28🔗 Adam That's it.

13:29🔗 Drew You don't matter.

13:30🔗 They were never made.

13:31🔗 Drew Whatever. It's still a horrible, horrible thing for a young female to go through.

13:35🔗 Adam Drew, hypothetical.

13:36🔗 Yeah.

13:40🔗 Adam You have a woman.

13:40🔗 Drew Yeah.

13:41🔗 Adam This woman you're going to marry. This is going to be your wife. Okay?

13:44🔗 Drew Okay.

13:45🔗 Adam You're going to have to live with this woman, raise a family with this woman, do all these things with this woman. Okay. Would you take a woman that was molested one time? Now, just listen.

13:55🔗 Drew I know where you're going.

13:56🔗 Adam Well, I'm going there anyway. Would you marry the woman that was molested one time?

14:00🔗 Drew Versus?

14:01🔗 Adam But not by a stranger, by her father.

14:04🔗 Drew Oh boy.

14:05🔗 Adam Sexually molested?

14:06🔗 Drew Versus?

14:07🔗 Adam One time? Versus Predator?

14:11🔗 Drew Versus Predator.

14:14🔗 Adam You know that movie thing.

14:15🔗 Yeah.

14:15🔗 Adam I know. I was just trying to mix it up a little bit.

14:17🔗 I'm watching that movie right now. It's all in here.

14:19🔗 Adam Anderson's watching Predator.

14:20🔗 What the hell?

14:21🔗 Adam Are you watching Predator?

14:22🔗 Predator versus Alien or whatever it's called.

14:25🔗 Adam The whole point is you said versus three times that it made me think of that. Made me think of that. Okay.

14:30🔗 Versus?

14:32🔗 Adam No. Versus Aquaman. Versus a chick whose dad moved out, abandoned her, started a new family, maybe sent a little Barbie Dream Van or something on Christmas, but essentially it was clear to the girl that daddy had a new wife, daddy had a new family, daddy seemed to be doing pretty good with that new family, and daddy would send a card every once in a while.

14:57🔗 Drew Yeah. I'll take that one.

14:59🔗 Adam Really?

14:59🔗 Drew Yeah, I would. Really? The sexual abuse guarantees some biological changes in the brain.

15:04🔗 Adam Well.

15:04🔗 Drew It's so profound.

15:05🔗 Adam Also, Drew being a passionate, passionate man, you don't want someone who's going to break on you in the bedroom. Drew needs a nice sturdy vagina to attack on a nightly basis. He don't want you crying in there.

15:17🔗 Drew And then.

15:20🔗 Adam But here's the thing. I say the one woman with the one incident.

15:25🔗 Drew It can create great chaos.

15:26🔗 Adam It can, but I don't know. Does the chick ever get over it? The other one whose daddy moved out and did that stuff. The other one's just a one time.

15:35🔗 Drew You're in for a world of hurt as the guy because you're going to pay for dad's abandoning behaviors. You're going to pay.

15:42🔗 Adam Let me put this out there. I say the molestation thing shows up in the bedroom every once in a while, but in general you have a better relationship than the one whose daddy abandoned did the whatever.

15:54🔗 Drew Yeah, it could be.

15:55🔗 Adam Give it some thought.

15:55🔗 Drew Could be. Give it some thought. It's a hard decision.

15:57🔗 Adam Thank you. That's me. I ask the tough, ridiculous hypothetical questions. Sarah?

16:03🔗 Yeah.

16:04🔗 Adam All right. Well, knock it off. You're 15.

16:07🔗 Drew You also could be bipolar or something. This is all really serious stuff, Sarah.

16:12🔗 And also-

16:14🔗 Drew Are you bipolar?

16:15🔗 I don't know. That's what I was asking.

16:18🔗 Drew Well, you need to have an evaluation. This could all be just the difficulty of vulnerability of intimacy and sort of sabotaging that by cheating or- Were you sexually abused or anything?

16:29🔗 Yeah, I was.

16:30🔗 Drew All right.

16:31🔗 So who did that?

16:32🔗 My neighbor.

16:34🔗 Adam Your neighbor?

16:36🔗 Drew Beautiful thing.

16:37🔗 Adam Jesus, I thought I had bad neighbors.

16:38🔗 Drew Yeah.

16:39🔗 Adam They just call building and safety, but they don't actually rate me.

16:42🔗 Drew Well.

16:43🔗 Adam Which would be a step up. It would be an actual step up from what I get from my neighbor.

16:46🔗 Drew Yeah, Sarah, this all needs to be treated.

16:48🔗 Adam All right, therapy, baby.

16:49🔗 Drew This is no way you're going to have stable relationships with all that.

16:51🔗 Adam Let's break it down. Let's focus. You're acting out.

16:54🔗 Drew OK.

16:55🔗 OK. Well, also, also, I just recently, just last week, I started taking this medication with my mom. But I've been taking it. It's called Lareza Pam.

17:07🔗 Drew What is it?

17:07🔗 I'm pretty familiar with it.

17:09🔗 Drew Lareza Pam?

17:10🔗 Yeah.

17:11🔗 Drew That's Ativan.

17:11🔗 Adam Yeah.

17:12🔗 Drew So you're getting addicted to that, too. So we got addiction. We got trauma. We got the trifecta.

17:17🔗 Adam Here's the good news. Most people bottom out at 24, 25. You'll be bottoming out at 16 and a half. And then you can clean yourself up and write a book.

17:26🔗 Drew Hopefully. Oh, my God.

17:28🔗 Adam And then bother the world. I don't know.

17:31🔗 Drew Become an attorney.

17:31🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing about the Saras of the world. You think the Saras of the world are bad when they're doing drugs and boozing and banging everybody. Way do they sober up and get all righteous on your ass. That's when we really start paying.

17:44🔗 Drew We'll get the law degree.

17:45🔗 Adam That's what we're going to do. Yes, they get the law degree and they become the feminist attorney. And now we're all left. Change your name with Gloria. Close your eyes. Is there a Gloria you've ever liked? Anyone named Gloria? Everyone close your eyes. Anyone named Gloria you've ever liked? No good Glorias. No? All right.

18:04🔗 Drew Yes, I got one.

18:05🔗 Adam Michelle, you do? Yeah.

18:07🔗 Drew She's the caretaker. She helps my mother-in-law and father-in-law out. Mexican.

18:12🔗 Adam Best BJ Drew's ever had. Michelle?

18:14🔗 Drew Said helped out.

18:16🔗 Adam I heard what she said. I know what you mean. Michelle?

18:18🔗 Yeah.

18:19🔗 Adam You're 18?

18:20🔗 Yes, I am.

18:21🔗 Adam What's up?

18:22🔗 Okay. Well, I've been dating my boyfriend for like about a month now and we just recently started having sex and his penis is really dark and compared to the rest of his body, he's really pale. And like I just wanted to know, is there like anything he can do to make it lighter, like a cream he could put on it or anything?

18:43🔗 Adam Well, first off, I don't think you can ever be too rich or your penis can be too tan. That's number one.

18:52🔗 There's somebody else on the phone.

18:53🔗 Adam Drew. Yeah, Anderson. Anderson, go back to watch Alien vs. Predator.

18:57🔗 There's somebody else on the phone. I can hear him breathing.

18:59🔗 Drew Yeah, she's picking up on him. He's being bogus. Go ahead.

19:01🔗 Adam Here's my thing, Drew. What is it about the penis that changes color? Because I've seen a lot of dork in my life, miles.

19:08🔗 Drew Miles of dork.

19:09🔗 Adam You took the amount of penis that I've seen.

19:10🔗 Drew Thousands of penis.

19:11🔗 Adam Well, look, if you put the penis that I've seen and strung them end to end, two-line highway from here to New York City.

19:18🔗 Drew Really? Wow, it's a lot of penis.

19:20🔗 Adam What happened to that enough to stretch?

19:23🔗 Drew To the moon or whatever.

19:24🔗 Adam Yeah, we don't do that. You poor kids, you grow up today. When I grew up, it was all that. They sell enough macaroni that if you put it end to end, it would or you could stack these books and they would reach to the moon or you would. Everything was reaching and stacking and laying out and there's none of that anymore. We could go around the globe eight times. We circle the globe. We have a lot of globe circling going on. Nothing anymore.

19:50🔗 Drew It's not so impressive anymore.

19:52🔗 Adam I think we're over it. Well, here's the thing.

19:54🔗 Drew We've been to Saturn and things.

19:56🔗 Adam Right. Well, here's what it is. You make it around the globe in 26,000 miles and the average guy who does sales on the road drives 42,000 miles a year, so it's not so impressive. And you're not actually circling the globe. You're going from the Northridge area into the New Hall Saugus area 1,400 times.

20:16🔗 Drew That's why circling the globe is not as exciting as circling the globe. Let's talk to Michelle in the dark penis here.

20:21🔗 Adam Yeah.

20:22🔗 Really?

20:23🔗 Drew Well, it's true.

20:24🔗 Adam But why do guys have this? Because I do notice a lot of guys have this, especially males of color that I prefer.

20:31🔗 Drew Now listen, listen to me, that skin, when irritated, will either pigment or depigment. You notice how scars are either light or dark.

20:39🔗 Adam Lighter or darker. Right.

20:40🔗 Drew And when you get a circumcision, things pigment around there. When you have irritation or you monkey with yourself a little bit, you can pigment or depigment. And it's sensitive skin, so it has a tendency to sort of form or lose pigment.

20:52🔗 Adam Michelle?

20:53🔗 Yeah.

20:54🔗 Adam All right. Is your boyfriend on the other line?

20:56🔗 No.

20:57🔗 Drew Who is?

20:58🔗 No one.

20:59🔗 Drew Sounded like it.

21:00🔗 Adam All right.

21:01🔗 Drew But I mean, it's sort of a... All right.

21:03🔗 Adam So what do you want to do about it?

21:04🔗 Drew There have been many, many jokes like this.

21:06🔗 Adam Why don't you get a nice white condom for him? Clan condom.

21:10🔗 Is there like anything you could like put on?

21:12🔗 Adam Hold on a second.

21:13🔗 Drew A little hooded condom?

21:14🔗 Adam This is a great... This is possibly my greatest idea ever right now. Clan condom. Two comes to a point like a clan hood.

21:22🔗 Drew To the holes?

21:23🔗 Adam No holes. Come on, buddy. No holes? I mean, for the eyes?

21:26🔗 Drew Yeah, just for...

21:28🔗 Adam No, you have the two black dots.

21:29🔗 Drew All right, okay.

21:30🔗 Adam You could physically put holes in there.

21:32🔗 Drew Well, no, no. I mean, there'd be a condom underneath the little white sheath that came out...

21:37🔗 Adam No, no. I think the whole...

21:38🔗 Drew You have the whole latex...

21:39🔗 Adam .is the clan outfit.

21:41🔗 Drew Got it.

21:41🔗 Adam With the two black eyes and the pointy thing. And then you'd have like the grand wizard that'd be the red one. Clan condom. Write that down. The point of the hood is the reservoir.

21:54🔗 Drew KK Condom.

21:57🔗 Adam Strong stuff. Someone must have come up with this. This is going to be huge. This would be huge in the South. I go down to the rallies. I sell these babies. Awesome stuff. Good gag for any of the brothers had a good sense of humor, too. You know?

22:11🔗 Drew Right.

22:11🔗 Adam Okay. Michelle?

22:14🔗 Yeah.

22:16🔗 Drew So what's the problem with it? Why is it so disturbing to you?

22:19🔗 I don't know. It just kind of turns me off because he's really white.

22:22🔗 Drew How about he put, like Adam said, put a condom on?

22:26🔗 Oh.

22:27🔗 Adam Oh, shut up. This isn't a question. He's really white. His penis is a shade and a half darker. Do you really care?

22:34🔗 Well, actually, my friend, she really wants to know.

22:37🔗 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

22:39🔗 Adam All right. Listen, Bo guy, let me. OK, do I have to? You know what? You kids make me sick. Do I have to explain to you the Geneva Convention of Bogus Calls?

22:50🔗 Drew We mentioned Bogus three times to her and she.

22:52🔗 Adam Well, we said someone was on the other line, and I guess her friends as an Anderson picked up on that. Here is the only way this can continue. If we call Bogus, you have to fess up. It is no different than the fish out of water in the Marco Polo or, as we now know it, Adam Corolla pool game.

23:13🔗 Drew The games are fun if you cheat. They lose their meaning.

23:21🔗 Adam I think we have lost that meaning in this culture and this society.

23:24🔗 Drew Yeah, it's all about winning no matter what.

23:26🔗 Adam There used to be a time where if you were going to participate in a marathon and you cut the track in half and came in first, it not only didn't mean anything, but you would be disgraced.

23:37🔗 Drew Right. Your honor.

23:39🔗 Adam Nobody would do it because it didn't mean anything to them. Therefore, why would you do it now? You just want to, you want that picture of you coming in first. So sad, Drew. Heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy and sad.

23:51🔗 Drew Break time.

23:52🔗 Adam We're going to break it down.

23:53🔗 Drew We're going to break. All right.

23:55🔗 Adam So we're going to talk to CJ. Who do you want to talk to?

23:57🔗 Drew I want to take a break. And then figure out what to talk to.

24:00🔗 Adam Oh, we got, we got Germany or Florida.

24:01🔗 Drew All right.

24:02🔗 Adam Kyle?

24:04🔗 Yeah.

24:04🔗 Adam Seventeen?

24:05🔗 Yeah.

24:06🔗 Adam You have a Germany or Florida question for us?

24:08🔗 Oh, yeah.

24:09🔗 Adam Why don't you ask it and then we'll take a break. We'll answer it when we come back.

24:13🔗 All right. You ready?

24:15🔗 Drew Yeah.

24:16🔗 Adam Please, everyone, stop asking us we're ready.

24:18🔗 All right.

24:19🔗 Adam We're always ready.

24:20🔗 I'm a big fan, Adam.

24:22🔗 Adam Sorry, buddy. I love you.

24:23🔗 All right. A man was standing at the edge of a cliff and he was urinating. And it was during a thunderstorm and a bolt a bolt of lightning struck the urine and caused his penis to explode.

24:40🔗 Drew Oh, that's awesome. Germany or Florida.

24:43🔗 Adam That is awesome. Hang on. I think it's bogus, but it sounds awesome.

24:48🔗 Drew It sounds awesome. Yeah. But things, weird stuff happens, so we'll see.

24:53🔗 Adam And you may be saying, well, why would a guy be urinating off a cliff? Oh, believe me, if I have my brothers, I wish I just lived like a cave Indian in Pueblo, Colorado. I'd take a leak off that cliff every goddamn day.

25:06🔗 Drew And now listen, this is a tough one.

25:07🔗 Adam You would not want to be in the cave beneath the Ace Man.

25:09🔗 Drew The Ace Man 2 or the little Pueblo apartment.

25:11🔗 Adam It would be raining fecal matter and urine.

25:15🔗 Drew The German, Florida, lots of thunderstorms. No lying, he's a getcha. But in Germany...

25:21🔗 Adam But not so many cliffs in Florida, I find.

25:22🔗 Drew In Germany, they have big thunderstorms, big violent ones. Really?

25:25🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Blitzkrieg, I think they call it over there.

25:28🔗 Drew Lots of people getting hit with lightning in the...

25:30🔗 Adam Really?...

25:30🔗 Drew in the sort of Central European states.

25:32🔗 Adam I like to think that's God paying them back for the Holocaust.

25:34🔗 Drew It's not just the Germans, the Yugoslavians get it and stuff. Mostly by the coast, though.

25:38🔗 Adam Okay, all right. It's a tough one.

25:40🔗 Drew I'm thinking Germany. I'm thinking Germany.

25:41🔗 Adam All right, we'll finish that off after this.

25:45🔗 You have five seconds.

25:47🔗 Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

25:51🔗 Drew Back in a minute.

26:08🔗 Adam Yeah, Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Rock out. You know what I'm this close to doing, Drew?

26:14🔗 Drew Freaking out.

26:15🔗 Adam Nope.

26:16🔗 Drew Drop and trowel.

26:17🔗 Adam Drop and trowel. I will drop trowel.

26:21🔗 Drew Michelle, he'll drop trowel.

26:22🔗 Adam Michelle, I will drop trowel.

26:23🔗 He'll drop trowel.

26:24🔗 Drew He'll drop trowel. He will drop trowel.

26:26🔗 Adam Back it up, or I will drop some trowel, lady. This close to dropping trowel. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1 is the phone number. We'll finish up with Young Kyle, who is 17. Kyle.

26:41🔗 Drew That's a nice greeting.

26:43🔗 Adam Young Kyle?

26:44🔗 Yeah. Oh, yeah.

26:45🔗 Adam Jimmy just walked in and gave him a little one of these. Flipped you off.

26:49🔗 Drew Flipped you off.

26:50🔗 Adam Oh, I thought that was me flipping me off. I thought I was looking at my own reflection.

26:53🔗 Drew No, no, no. It was him flipping you off with both hands.

26:55🔗 Adam Kyle?

26:55🔗 Yeah.

26:57🔗 Adam So, somebody walked in. It's Jimmy Kimmel. Hold on a second.

27:02🔗 Oh, sweet.

27:03🔗 Adam Kyle, heat up that mic.

27:05🔗 Let's do mystery guest and you guess who it is.

27:08🔗 All right.

27:09🔗 Drew Kyle.

27:10🔗 Adam Kyle, we're probably...

27:11🔗 No, we're still Kyle.

27:12🔗 Drew Hold on.

27:12🔗 Adam Hold on. Jimmy who? Jimmy who? He didn't answer who? He just said Jimmy. Let him finish.

27:19🔗 Jimmy Kimmel.

27:20🔗 Oh.

27:21🔗 Adam But here's the beauty. When we go to our next caller and play mystery guest with them, they won't know. CJ?

27:28🔗 Caller What's up, guys?

27:30🔗 Adam Can you guess our mystery guest tonight?

27:32🔗 Caller Jimmy Kimmel.

27:34🔗 Adam All right. Hold on. Pure luck. Ashley? Sarah?

27:39🔗 Hello?

27:40🔗 Adam 20. We're playing mystery guest. Who's in studio tonight?

27:44🔗 That's a hard one. Jimmy Kimmel.

27:47🔗 Drew Oh.

27:49🔗 Adam I'm still not going to give up. This game doesn't work as well when you announce it before.

27:54🔗 Yeah, I guess when you announce it before.

27:55🔗 Adam Ashley? Ashley, 18. We're playing mystery guest. Who's in studio tonight? Jimmy Kimmel.

28:03🔗 Drew This time I've disappointed our callers.

28:05🔗 Everybody gets a bobblehead doll, I guess, right?

28:07🔗 Drew We don't have to have Kyle tell Jimmy the story.

28:09🔗 Adam Okay.

28:10🔗 Drew This is good.

28:10🔗 Adam Jimmy, you jump in for a little celebrity round of Germany or Florida.

28:13🔗 I just stopped by to use the bathroom, actually. I was in the area and I had an attack.

28:18🔗 Adam Kyle?

28:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:19🔗 Adam Okay, retell the Germany or Florida story, please.

28:23🔗 Caller All right. A man was standing at the top of a cliff urinating during a thunderstorm. A bolt of lightning hit his urine and caused his penis to explode.

28:34🔗 Yeah, I heard this on the drive over. I don't believe it for a second, but I don't either.

28:39🔗 Drew But for the sake of Germany or Florida.

28:41🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, Jimmy spent some time in Florida. It was one of the many markets he was thrown off of early in his career.

28:48🔗 I also spent a little bit of time in Germany earlier this year.

28:51🔗 Drew Really?

28:52🔗 Adam Yes.

28:53🔗 Working on the project. Adam and I have something we're working on.

28:57🔗 Adam Final Solution.

29:00🔗 But we can't talk about it in the air. Yeah.

29:03🔗 Adam We're asked by the Hitler Sympathizers not to speak about it on the air. But here's the whole thing. I don't think they have cliffs in Florida. Do they have cliffs in Florida?

29:11🔗 Caller Yes.

29:12🔗 Adam Yes, they do.

29:12🔗 Caller Many cliffs.

29:13🔗 Adam Many cliffs.

29:14🔗 Caller Many cliffs.

29:14🔗 Adam I thought there were just swamps and bogs and things.

29:17🔗 Drew I don't know.

29:17🔗 Caller I just imagine Florida is stormier.

29:19🔗 Drew Yeah. Yes. I'm with you on that.

29:21🔗 Caller Germany. But then since this is an imaginary story.

29:23🔗 Drew But if it were really, you would have heard about it if it happened in Florida.

29:26🔗 Caller You know what? Whenever I'm listening, I always think that. And then people say Florida. I read 11 newspapers a day. I have 10 guys that are reading the paper looking for interesting things. And somehow your callers get hold of these incredible stories from Florida.

29:39🔗 Adam And this is the genesis of Germany or Florida. Jimmy Schreiner sitting around the table. All right. I'm going to Germany. I'm going to Germany too.

29:46🔗 Caller I'm going to go Florida.

29:47🔗 Adam Kyle, Kyle, is it Germany or Florida?

29:49🔗 Caller It's Germany.

29:51🔗 Caller I'm going to change mine to Germany.

29:53🔗 Adam Jimmy's changed his to Germany.

29:55🔗 Caller I actually have another quick question for Drew.

29:58🔗 Adam Yeah.

30:00🔗 Caller I recently was diagnosed with a gallstone.

30:04🔗 Drew That's 17. Wow.

30:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:07🔗 Caller Lightning hit your penis?

30:08🔗 Caller What's that?

30:09🔗 Adam Yeah.

30:10🔗 Caller Never mind.

30:10🔗 Adam All right. It's great to get into something an old Jew gets when you're 17. I know. I know you're on top of your game. It really makes... What can you look forward to?

30:18🔗 Drew In medical school, they used to train us to do like the four Fs of gallbladder disease. Fat, flatulent, 40, female.

30:24🔗 Caller Flatulent? That's what they told me.

30:26🔗 Drew A farty female in the 40s.

30:27🔗 Adam Jimmy, you better be airlifted out of here.

30:30🔗 Caller I'm not going to get that sex change after all.

30:32🔗 Drew He did some work in the bathroom.

30:33🔗 Adam He's got three out of the four Fs going for him though.

30:35🔗 Drew No. Yeah. He did some work.

30:37🔗 Adam God, hell. How does this work? What are you going to do?

30:41🔗 Drew No, wait. How did you end up with that kind of bothers me?

30:45🔗 Caller I don't know how I got it but I discovered it because I was getting really sick in the mornings. I would just feel so sick that I would vomit even.

30:55🔗 Caller I had a similar thing.

30:57🔗 Caller We eventually went to the emergency room and they found, I think it was one gallstone.

31:05🔗 Adam Boring.

31:07🔗 Caller I actually had a Flintstone in my penis. It was the weirdest thing. It was this cartoon caveman with no shoes on which jammed in my penis.

31:16🔗 Adam Well, I have a theory about that.

31:17🔗 Drew I know they put the spikes down you.

31:19🔗 Caller Yeah, they did do that but that was a different thing.

31:22🔗 Adam I have a theory about that. I think his boyfriend, Huey Lewis, was sucking on it shortly before he performed fellatio on Jimmy and spit the Wilma into Jimmy's urethra. How else could have gotten it?

31:35🔗 Drew It's great powers of reasoning.

31:38🔗 Adam Thank you. Yeah.

31:39🔗 Drew All right.

31:39🔗 Adam They should really... Here's the whole thing. One out of every... Oh, I just thought of a great concept for that.

31:45🔗 Caller Better than the Klan condoms?

31:47🔗 Adam Maybe.

31:47🔗 Caller I wrote down in the car on the way over. Thank you. I don't want that to disappear into the ether because that's huge.

31:52🔗 Adam It takes a genius to recognize my genius. I've said it many times. Here's the deal. Drew, you're not smart enough to recognize my genius.

31:59🔗 Drew I recognize it.

31:59🔗 Caller He's just tired of it.

32:02🔗 Adam What about this for a contest? Flintstone Vitamins. One... There will be one out of all... They'd still make Flintstone Vitamins, right? One will be made out of a hard, non-digestible plastic that will come out in its full form in the stool. That... The person that...

32:19🔗 Drew Waving.

32:20🔗 Adam Eats that... Well, no, because it goes in. It has to go in as one of the characters, Barney or Flintstone or Wilma or Fred or whoever. But that is the golden one. And when that one comes through, you are entitled to one million dollars. So every kid is gobbling these things up and then checking their stool.

32:38🔗 Caller And then the kid that chokes it, then his parents get to collect a million dollars.

32:42🔗 Adam Well, if in fact it works that way. But I think we could make something. You do swallow the or you chew them.

32:46🔗 Caller You chewable.

32:47🔗 Adam That's that way. They're chewable on the thing.

32:49🔗 Drew I found a fecal will.

32:51🔗 Caller What you do is you make the one the one vitamin looks exactly and is made of exactly the same material as all the other vitamins. People never know if they want it or not.

33:04🔗 Adam Better write that down. Jimmy, write that down. Go back in your car. Write that down.

33:08🔗 Caller I have to go to the bathroom. I'm sorry to interrupt the show.

33:10🔗 Adam That's all right.

33:11🔗 Caller I'm very, very busy.

33:12🔗 Adam That's right.

33:13🔗 Caller See you guys later.

33:13🔗 Adam All right. If any of the guests we had on the show earlier in the week came in here, we'd be angry, but she's an actual celebrity.

33:20🔗 Drew All right.

33:20🔗 Adam Let's talk to Sarah, who's 20.

33:24🔗 Caller Sarah?

33:26🔗 Oh, hi.

33:27🔗 Adam You can't get into relationships.

33:29🔗 Drew How come?

33:30🔗 Caller Why?

33:32🔗 Well, some of the usual, but I mean, I'm not able to really handle guys on just any intimate or other than friend relationships.

33:44🔗 Drew So was it abuse, neglect, abandonment? What do we got going?

33:48🔗 Well, I guess they're a combination. I don't know. When I was little, I was left by my mom as a baby.

33:55🔗 Adam All right.

33:55🔗 Drew Why? What did you do?

33:57🔗 Adam Drugs. Yeah. So you're angry.

34:01🔗 Well, I've gone to counseling most of my life and everything. So I don't know. But I can't even really.

34:08🔗 Drew Well, you sound, you know, the feeling we get from you is not that of somebody who's been severely abused or abandoned. So the counseling seems to have sort of had some effect on you. The sort of the last stage of that sort of healing process is being able to tolerate close relationships. The proximity of other minds is what's difficult for people when they've been let down.

34:28🔗 Adam But Sarah, you're working on it. You're 20. You're making headway.

34:31🔗 Caller Yeah, like, and I guess I'd like to say I'm kind of making headway, but it really...

34:37🔗 Drew You got to kind of force yourself.

34:39🔗 Caller Stuff like that, but I just like, I am also like just, I can handle guy friends and stuff like that, but then they usually end up pinning on me or something. And then just, then...

34:49🔗 Drew Why don't you kind of force yourself into a relationship? The great thing about, about that is that 20 years, there's a natural biological drive you can kind of go with, you know, there's not an aversion necessarily automatically. It's just something you can kind of latch on to, but you got to be willing to do it and kind of take yourself in.

35:05🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. There's a few things I want to talk about. One is sort of forcing yourself to act as if, Drew and I spoke about this earlier in the week, half, half of life is sort of working things out in your head, getting things, getting your head on straight emotionally. And then the other half is just moving forward and doing it.

35:24🔗 Drew Right. I mean, that's an important part. If you don't do it, what the hell?

35:28🔗 Adam You could be the world's laziest person. But if the alarm went off every morning at 6 45, you got up, took a shower and went to work, you would not be the world's laziest person. You could always feel like the world's laziest person. In your heart of hearts, you could have that. And you could have been that in the past. But as long as your attendance record at work is perfect, you're not the world's laziest person. I don't know if you're actually still that person. If we cut you open and dissected you, if you would bleed lazy. But either way, you're showing up at 7.30 at the job and that's all you need to know.

35:59🔗 Drew Take Sir in his example. With her letting herself get into a relationship, she'll still be uncomfortable and miserable and sort of have difficulty with it. But she'll gain a facility with it.

36:09🔗 Adam And the more you do it, the easier it gets.

36:11🔗 Drew That's the point, the facility. It would be easier for her.

36:13🔗 Adam Right. So just do it. And the other thing too about therapy is it's sort of like weight loss, which is when you're paying attention, nothing seems to happen. It's when you just go through it, you stick with it, but you don't think about it too much. And then all of a sudden, a few months goes by and you've shed 18 pounds. But when you're just sort of weighing yourself and staring at the scale for an hour every day, it never seems to move. And I guess everything's that way. But I think therapy is sort of that way too. I think when you just sort of do it, it'll happen and it'll evolve. But when you really focus on it, you don't seem to be getting anywhere. I don't know why life has to be so ungratifying in that way. Why can't, you know, why couldn't you just think, concentrate really hard and lose 5 pounds in 20 minutes? Angela?

36:58🔗 Drew Angelina.

36:59🔗 Adam Angelina?

37:00🔗 Oh, hello.

37:01🔗 Adam You're 23?

37:02🔗 Caller Yes.

37:03🔗 Adam What's up?

37:04🔗 Caller Well, this is for Dr. Drew. I just was recently diagnosed. They did a bunch of tests on me and I was diagnosed that there's, there's a parasite inside of me that's eating away at the insides, which is causing me to bleed. They thought it was an IUD because I had that in there for a few years. Then I started, they said it was my body rejecting it and that it was cutting into my insides. But I think now because of that, there's some kind of parasite in there that's still causing me to bleed. I've been bleeding for four months. I'm just not sure what kind of parasite it is because my doctor really hasn't told me anything about it.

37:39🔗 Drew What are you talking about?

37:40🔗 Adam I've never heard about this.

37:41🔗 Drew Parasites are predominantly in your intestinal system. Are you talking about rectal bleeding?

37:46🔗 Caller No. It's all coming out as if it was like a period.

37:50🔗 Drew You're talking, I mean, Angelina, you're speaking of your bodily functions the way like a five-year-old thinks of them. Yeah.

37:56🔗 Adam It's a turn-on.

37:57🔗 Caller I'm sorry.

37:58🔗 Drew You're, there are no parasites in the urogenital tract. There's protozoans. There's something called trichomonas.

38:07🔗 Adam Well, maybe the protozoan part is what got you confused with the parasite. And Drew, what happened to tapeworms?

38:13🔗 Drew Tapeworms around.

38:14🔗 Adam Well, let's see some of them. Well, let's get some of them back.

38:16🔗 Drew Passing proglottids and things is fabulous.

38:19🔗 Adam Let me say this.

38:19🔗 Drew You pass pieces of the tapeworm every once in a while.

38:21🔗 Adam Let me say this. There's a lot of stuff in this country that we don't have that we should have.

38:26🔗 Drew That we, because we don't have, because we're industrialized, we have antibiotics and things.

38:30🔗 Adam I know, but I still love that idea of somebody pulling an eight-foot tapeworm out of them that's been, you know, they've been a host to for 20 years. And I like the idea, and I like fireworks. You know, there's a few things I like that we don't really get over here. You know what I like to do? I like to section off one part of this country just to be a third world that we could go visit, like a petting zoo. You know what I mean?

38:54🔗 Drew Yes.

38:54🔗 Adam Like, here's the thing.

38:55🔗 Drew We have leprosy, we have all the quaint illnesses of the past.

38:59🔗 Adam Let's find a state that's not particularly populated. Alaska's probably a little cold. Have to be a little bit warmer because-

39:05🔗 Drew We need to be kind of central if we all get to it. Okay.

39:08🔗 Adam Okay. Now you're thinking. Now you're thinking.

39:11🔗 Drew Nevada.

39:12🔗 Adam Nevada could be good. I think it's a little-

39:14🔗 Drew Or part of Nevada.

39:15🔗 Adam You know there's a thing about Nevada, not tropical enough. I think it's got some heat over there, but maybe too much. I don't know if some of these parasites would flourish. Here's my point.

39:26🔗 Drew Yeah, Florida, you're right.

39:27🔗 Adam We take, and we're almost there with Florida anyway. Might as well just finish the job. We take a state. Maybe even it's just, you know what, Drew, I'm being too tough with the state thing. It's probably too lofty a goal. We take a city in a state, take like Tallahassee or something, we clear it out. Then we bring in all the people from around the world with the elephantiasis and the tapeworms and all the parasites and the crazy stuff with the goiters and the gross and all the crap. We bring in the animals and the killer bees and the cockroaches. There's big as a shoe box and water moccasins. It becomes a third world amusement park. You know why we go? You know why we tour? We tour through it like a country, like you tour kids through a prison in scared straight. You'll go home and kiss the ground. You can't believe how happy you are to live in this wonderful country now.

40:20🔗 Drew It'll be like a wild animal park, but it'll be a third world wild park.

40:24🔗 Adam You'll tour through it and it'll go through. It'll have the brutal dictatorships, you know, mass graves and guys with mustaches holding shotguns and skulls everywhere. Then that goes into the disease and famine alley, the kids with the distended bellies and flies everywhere.

40:42🔗 Drew Pregnancies.

40:44🔗 Adam Are you writing this down?

40:46🔗 Drew Horrible, horrible complications of pregnancy and sepsis death.

40:49🔗 Adam All right, Drew, I haven't even begun to scratch this surface.

40:52🔗 Don't we already have Mexico, though?

40:53🔗 Drew Oh, Anderson, how dare you?

40:56🔗 Adam You know, here's the thing, too. I've been on the show for almost 11 years. I've avoided Mexico as the topic of humor. And now to start, I just find that distasteful.

41:08🔗 Drew They don't have filarial disease. Yeah, yeah, no leishmaniasis.

41:12🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll take a quick break.

41:15🔗 Drew We didn't finish with the...

41:16🔗 Adam Oh, we'll finish. We'll finish. All right. After this.

41:49🔗 Caller Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

41:50🔗 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LAV. All right, I had what I think is a minor stroke of genius in the last break, last segment. We were talking about opening an amusement park in this, on this.

42:05🔗 Drew I'm sure amusement's the right word, a theme park.

42:08🔗 Adam Well, I would be amused.

42:09🔗 Drew You would be, that's true.

42:10🔗 Adam So technically.

42:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

42:12🔗 Adam People always talk about, whenever these celebrities, when Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie or any of these blowhard celebrities travel about, they come back and tell you about the appreciation for what we have.

42:21🔗 Drew Right.

42:22🔗 Adam They go to Biafra and then they come back and they're like, we don't appreciate how good we have it. And I would like to appreciate how good I have it, but I really don't want to go to Biafra.

42:32🔗 Drew We'll go somewhere more contained.

42:33🔗 Adam But if the place was in Florida somewhere, Third World.

42:38🔗 Drew We could go to Third World, make a trip, a family trip to Third World.

42:43🔗 Adam We don't call it an amusement park, we call it a reality park. And it's a reality check. You go in there and it makes you... Meanwhile, you're driving a crappy car, your wife's fat, you live in an 1,100 square foot pillbox house, but you go home, you kiss the ground when you see how the rest of the world lives.

43:02🔗 Drew Yes, images of KwaShorkor, the swollen valleys.

43:06🔗 Adam I just don't want to go to the rest of the world to find out how they live. But now with Third World, it's like Disney World, Third World. You tour around from the safety of your tram.

43:17🔗 Drew How do we decompress it? How do we sort of keep it contained? How do we keep those shoeboxes?

43:21🔗 Adam Electric fence?

43:22🔗 Drew Cockroach from getting out? And then what about all the disease that's going to be contained in there? We can't let that get out.

43:29🔗 Adam First off, here's the deal.

43:31🔗 Drew Third World Park.

43:32🔗 Adam We will, first off, we will have to, just like we do a zoo, we will have to extract people from the third world and use them for our exhibit. We'll make no promises of curing them. Obviously, the guy with elephantiasis or the baby's with the distended bellies.

43:48🔗 Drew We have to ride by the trams and point and laugh.

43:50🔗 Adam Well, Drew, no, I don't think it's going to be funny. I think I'm going to have some perspective for my life, though.

43:58🔗 Drew You, babe, Americans in general, they're going to be ridiculing and obnoxious.

44:01🔗 Adam I think we're going to bring them, we will bring them over, we will contain them, we will put them in their natural habitat, just like we do when we get gators or zebras or something like that. Just like the zoo, we will provide a certain amount of medical stuff, but we're not going to take an eraser to the zebra stripes, but we will feed it. Do you see what I'm saying? We're not going to turn it into something it isn't. You see what I'm saying? When you have elephantiasis because you stepped on some parasite and some hippoflop, you have it. We're not going to change that. That's you. That's you. No one can take that away from you. That's you. But we will give you three haunts and a con and put you in at night. Meanwhile, the trams will be covered. They will not be open trams. Oh, lexan, lexan glass, HEPA-filtered air coming through.

44:50🔗 Drew What about a sort of a monorail?

44:52🔗 Adam Monorail, suspended monorail, lexan, HEPA-filtered, triple HEPA-filtered air. But when you make your way through third world and then all the accompanying amusement parks, the Banana Republic, the Evil Dictator, the oppressive Soviet thing, well have them all. You'll experience them all.

45:15🔗 Drew Yes.

45:15🔗 Adam You'll go through there and then when you get back to your house you will kiss the ground. Kiss the ground.

45:20🔗 Drew You will indeed.

45:21🔗 I like New Third. Like New York, but New Third.

45:25🔗 Drew New Third World. Well, let me finish with Angelina before we run out of time here because she's had some weird questions.

45:29🔗 Adam New Third World. Yeah. Third World. I think it depends how you pace it. Yeah. Okay. We'll beat it out.

45:36🔗 Drew So Angelina, did they tell you at a protozoan or a parasite?

45:39🔗 Caller They said a parasite.

45:42🔗 Drew And not chlamydia up in your tubes?

45:44🔗 Caller No, they didn't say it was any of that. They said it was a parasite that was in there.

45:48🔗 Drew Meaning what? What kind of parasite?

45:50🔗 Caller He'd never told me. I only got to speak to his nurse. I don't get to talk to my doctor very often.

45:54🔗 Drew And do they treat this?

45:56🔗 Caller They did just give me two medic- Well, they gave me three medications that I'm supposed to take all at the same time.

46:01🔗 Drew What did they give you?

46:03🔗 Caller They gave me, if I pronounce this right, it's Clarithromycin.

46:07🔗 Drew Right, that's for Chlamydia.

46:09🔗 Caller Go ahead. And Lanso-Prazoli.

46:13🔗 Adam AIDS. AIDS.

46:15🔗 Caller That's for AIDS?

46:16🔗 Drew No, no.

46:18🔗 Adam What's the third?

46:20🔗 Caller And the third one is Mitronidazole.

46:25🔗 Drew That's for the protozoan.

46:26🔗 Adam So I have AIDS and polio.

46:27🔗 Drew That's for the trichomonas. So they're treating you for Chlamydia and trichomonas.

46:30🔗 Adam Either way, don't take the meds. I'm going to need to see you in Florida in a couple of weeks.

46:35🔗 Drew So, Angelina, they think that you just have a basic, sort of an STD, basically, either a vaginal infection or a tubal infection.

46:41🔗 Adam Yeah.

46:41🔗 Drew And they're treating you for all of that.

46:43🔗 Adam I like that angle, though.

46:44🔗 Drew I'm trying to figure out what the second antibiotic was.

46:46🔗 Adam I have the clamp, but I'm just going to go ahead and call it protozoan. Are you ready to rock here, Drew?

46:52🔗 Drew Yeah, we're out of time.

46:54🔗 Adam No, we're not. We're never. No, it's not over. It's never over. All right, we're going to talk to them when we come back. Girlfriend is pregnant, doesn't think baby is his. I like that. Blood poisoning. How many people say they had blood poisoning or food poisoning actually have it? What percentage?

47:08🔗 Drew Less than one.

47:08🔗 Adam Percentage of people that say, I got food poisoning.

47:10🔗 Drew Blood poisoning is not a word that has no meaning.

47:12🔗 Adam I don't even know what that means.

47:12🔗 Drew That doesn't mean anything.

47:13🔗 Adam Okay.

47:13🔗 Drew Who knows what they're talking about?

47:14🔗 Adam Food poisoning, about 8%.

47:16🔗 Drew Yeah.

47:16🔗 Adam You ate something, and then 11 hours later you vomited.

47:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

47:20🔗 Adam That's not necessarily food poisoning.

47:21🔗 Drew No, that could be 20 different things.

47:22🔗 Adam We've got to look at it this way. Every single time you vomit in your life, you've probably ate something not more than 3 hours or further than 3 hours away from when you vomited. It doesn't mean that's what made you vomit.

47:33🔗 Drew That's correct.

47:34🔗 Adam If you didn't eat for 4 weeks and then you vomited after eating something, maybe that's what it was.

47:38🔗 Drew By the same token, the most common thing is somebody was handling it who had a virus that you got from the food, the virus, not the food. Viral gastroenteritis, which is not a food poison. All right.

47:48🔗 Adam We'll take a break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew? Oh, nothing. Just a board certified physician and an addiction medicine specialist.

48:34🔗 Drew Yeah, let's address that.

48:35🔗 Adam Blood poisoning.

48:36🔗 Drew Whatever the hell that means.

48:38🔗 Adam Natalia?

48:39🔗 Caller Yeah. What's up? I had blood poisoning last year. I actually ended up with a bone infection and I ended up going into, almost going into septic shock and pretty close to...

48:50🔗 Drew Hang on a second. Hold on. What do you mean by blood poisoning? What does that mean?

48:54🔗 Caller Well, that's what the doctor told me it was.

48:57🔗 Drew No, he didn't tell you blood poisoning because it's not a term that has any meaning. You had osteomyelitis and you had septicemia. That makes sense.

49:04🔗 Caller That's what it was, septicemia. I can't remember the big name for it.

49:08🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Drew, are you a real doctor or just a love doctor?

49:12🔗 Drew Good times. What's the question? You had osteo. What did you get? A puncture wound or something? Something to get through your foot? No.

49:19🔗 Caller What happened was I slipped off the back of a truck at work and broke my foot. Then on the 11th of September, I was admitted to the hospital with a hematoma, a extremely large hematoma on the top of my foot. Apparently, staff had grown inside of it. Just something that I had been carrying in my body and it grew inside of it and caused a bone infection, which in turn caused my foot.

49:41🔗 Drew No, there must have been a puncture of some kind.

49:43🔗 Adam Did you sue your employer? Did you sue your employer?

49:46🔗 Caller No. I'm on workers' compensation.

49:48🔗 Adam Oh, boy. How long you on work when it's come for?

49:52🔗 Caller I've been on it for almost a year now.

49:54🔗 Adam Where do you work? Where did you work?

49:57🔗 Caller I worked on an Air Force base in Gila Bend, Arizona.

50:01🔗 Adam And you fell off a truck.

50:03🔗 Caller Yeah, we had to wash our trucks at the end of every shift. And I had climbed in the bed of the truck to wipe the back window. And when I was climbing back out, I had a hold of the tailgate. And I flipped off the bumper.

50:14🔗 Adam Well, it's your fault, isn't it?

50:17🔗 Drew Having to work, though.

50:18🔗 Caller OK.

50:19🔗 Adam How long does somebody get to stay on work when it's come?

50:22🔗 Drew Depends on the diagnosis.

50:24🔗 Adam Well, so can you move now?

50:26🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, I can move now. I'm just not allowed to do a lot of prolonged standing or walking.

50:32🔗 Drew Hmm.

50:32🔗 Adam Hmm. And so you can't go back to work because your gig was a security gig.

50:37🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, the security guard, yeah.

50:39🔗 Drew Aren't they wanting to retrain you?

50:41🔗 Caller Yeah, they're willing to retrain me. I'm just having some problems with a financial situation. I was in prior to that. But my main question was... Yeah, yeah.

50:48🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. If you're having problems financially, you sure as hell don't want to go back to work.

50:52🔗 Drew No, don't retrain.

50:53🔗 Adam That's not when you go back. Hang back. Let the financial storm blow over and then start making some money.

50:59🔗 Drew Yes. Good. Perfect advice, Adam. Well done.

51:02🔗 Adam You got to tie up those loose financial strings before you actually get back and start working. Natalia.

51:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:09🔗 Adam What do you get paid from Workman's Comp? Do you get the same thing you made when you were working?

51:14🔗 Caller No. Well, in the state of Arizona, you get 66 and two-thirds of your monthly pay, which is not very much.

51:23🔗 Adam Right. All right. So, yeah, get some retraining, get back on your feet and into work. But the next question is, or Drew, the question is?

51:31🔗 Drew What was her question?

51:33🔗 Caller Is there any possibility that it could be lingering in my body? Is it passable to like if I get pregnant and have a baby?

51:39🔗 Drew No. Look, you've had how many weeks of IV antibiotics now, Natalia?

51:43🔗 Adam A thousand. Don't get pregnant, by the way, when you're home on Workman's Comp.

51:46🔗 Drew I agree with that. Yes, you can have staff lingering in various spots as any of us can. And some of those staffs can be resistant and problematic, but that's not a contagious disease. All right. They live with us.

51:59🔗 Adam Therapy one, find out one, talk to one. Why what's on one? Michelle?

52:04🔗 Caller Yes.

52:06🔗 Drew What's up there?

52:06🔗 Adam You found out two of your ex-boyfriends committed suicide?

52:09🔗 No. The guy that I'm seeing now, monogamously, his last...

52:15🔗 Adam Oh, they're two exes.

52:16🔗 Drew His two exes.

52:17🔗 Adam Two exes.

52:19🔗 Yeah.

52:21🔗 Drew Does he, does he, one of these people likes to sort of fall in love with broken people?

52:27🔗 Maybe. I don't really know.

52:30🔗 Drew Do you have any kind of history of psychiatric illness or addiction or anything?

52:33🔗 Caller No, it's not me, it's him.

52:35🔗 Drew No, I'm just, we're questioning it about him. You would sort of put, shed some light on him.

52:40🔗 Adam You're not gonna get a healthy person with high self-esteem to kill themselves.

52:46🔗 Drew Right, it's not like he caused them to kill himself. It's more likely that he's attracted to people that are depressed or broken in some way. He tries to rescue them and of course it doesn't work.

52:54🔗 Adam Right, this is like a surgeon who's lost many patients but when you go back and look at it, the reason he's lost many patients is he takes the tough cases.

53:04🔗 Drew Right, exactly. Brilliant analogy. Brilliant.

53:07🔗 Adam Really?

53:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:08🔗 Drew Really? Breathtaking.

53:09🔗 Caller Hello?

53:10🔗 Adam Really? Yeah. Go ahead, Michelle. It is?

53:14🔗 Drew Yeah.

53:14🔗 Caller Say it again.

53:15🔗 Adam Well, I mean, here's the thing. I do much better analogies than that but they're usually car related. I don't think you get them but you like the medical one.

53:23🔗 Drew That's awesome.

53:24🔗 Adam Wow.

53:24🔗 Drew Breathtaking.

53:25🔗 Adam So easy, Drew. That was a zero. Go ahead, Michelle.

53:28🔗 My question was, I found this out through one of his friends. So not through him but his friend. So how do I respond to this?

53:36🔗 Caller Like should I bring it up now? Yes.

53:38🔗 Drew Yes. Yes. Why not?

53:41🔗 Adam Well, I'll tell you why not because he's going to strangle his friend. He's going to commit homicide on his friend. What the hell is his friend telling you this for?

53:48🔗 Drew Who knows if it's even true, by the way.

53:51🔗 Adam What is that thing, by the way, when you just start telling the chicks or the guys going out with, start telling them crap.

53:57🔗 Drew Jealous, envious or likes her.

53:59🔗 Adam But there's also just a gene when you're 20, that's what you do.

54:02🔗 Drew Yeah, that's a gene, yeah.

54:04🔗 Adam That weird everything is, all that teenage angst and everything. The whole thing is like just some kind of movie with Matt Dillon from the 80s, you know, with you and Emilio Estevez and everyone's just looking down and it's like, man, hey man, I shouldn't be telling you this, but the Kyle you know is not the Kyle I know. You know that one? What? Tell me. I don't think I should say anything. What is that? The greatest thing I've ever learned. There's a few things you learn with time and one of them is stop talking.

54:41🔗 Drew Oh, you quit communicating with people.

54:43🔗 Adam Oh, it don't tell their business. Don't tell them your business. Don't tell them anything. Just hang back.

54:49🔗 Drew Shut your pie hole.

54:50🔗 Adam Just shut up. Here's the thing. Nothing in it for you. There's a very good point here, everybody. Go ahead and assess in life what's in it for you and what's not in it for you or what's potentially in it for you. Because here's how you want to lead your life. You want to make those decisions. It's like, well, if you rob a bank, you could get a million dollars or you could do 20 years in prison, but at least there's an upside. You don't want to rob a bank that has no money in it because if it all works out you get away with zero. And if it doesn't you're still doing the 20 years. And that's what gossiping is like when you're young or any age. No upside in it for you to go ahead and spread some rumors and gossips, but potentially bite you in the ass.

55:36🔗 Drew But there is a, there's almost a biological sort of arousing quality to it. You get the focus of attention, you know something special, it's exciting, you know, that's what people go for. It's not, it's not hurting other people, it's not the content, it's the process of sharing this, you know, of exciting information.

55:54🔗 Adam They love that little dance. You got that weird little energy dance when you're young.

56:00🔗 Drew Yeah, but think about the consequences of what you're doing.

56:03🔗 Adam Right.

56:05🔗 Drew That's all.

56:05🔗 Adam I was just thinking about it.

56:06🔗 Drew Shut your pie hole.

56:07🔗 Adam Are we talking to Michelle still?

56:08🔗 Drew No, we're done. No, no.

56:10🔗 Adam No? You're cool?

56:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

56:11🔗 Adam All right. Brittany?

56:14🔗 Yeah?

56:15🔗 Adam You're 18?

56:16🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:17🔗 Adam Hold on a second, I'm gonna get depressed. I wanna talk to Ashley. Ashley?

56:22🔗 Caller Yes?

56:22🔗 Adam Hang on, Brittany. Ashley, you're 18?

56:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:26🔗 Adam Every guy you've dated has cheated on you?

56:29🔗 Caller Pretty much.

56:30🔗 Drew How many guys? How many guys?

56:35🔗 Caller I don't know exactly. I've been dating since I was 13, so.

56:38🔗 Drew 85 guys, 8 guys, 2 guys?

56:44🔗 Caller Probably over 20, I'd say.

56:46🔗 Drew And is it?

56:47🔗 Adam Over 20 guys have cheated on you?

56:49🔗 Drew But hold on.

56:50🔗 Adam That's a ton of guys.

56:51🔗 Drew You mean cheated or sort of wrapped up the relationship and moved on to somebody else? Or never even declared monogamy in the first place?

56:57🔗 Adam Or, yeah, had a girlfriend and dated you a couple of times. Yeah.

57:01🔗 Caller No, it was like a monogamous relationship, and I found out that they had slept with another girl while we were dating kind of thing.

57:09🔗 Drew But how could you establish a monogamous relationship 20 times by the age of 18? How is that possible?

57:16🔗 Caller None of them have lasted over a month.

57:18🔗 Drew That's not a monogamous relationship. That's just starting to date.

57:21🔗 Adam You're getting to know someone and nine days into it, they bang their old girlfriend.

57:25🔗 Drew Right.

57:26🔗 Caller I'm talking like at the point where they said, do you want to be my girlfriend?

57:29🔗 Caller Do you want to just date each other kind of thing?

57:32🔗 Drew Yeah, and up to that point, they will be sleeping with other people.

57:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

57:35🔗 Adam Well, yeah, I'm talking after they said that. Ashley, I'm going to pull out of this chicken and ask you a very important question.

57:40🔗 Caller I'm saying after they've said that they just want to date me, and I'm going to go off.

57:44🔗 Adam Okay, I still find 20 an inflated number for age 18. But either way, we get the message.

57:51🔗 Drew That means every two months, you have to have...

57:54🔗 Adam Whatever it is, whatever it is, we get the point. So what are we going to do about this? You're calling from Alaska?

58:00🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:01🔗 Drew There's really only two possibilities here. You are picking awful guys and attracted to horrible people, or you have trouble sort of interpreting social cues, and you're not really understanding what's happening, and you're looking for reasons to sabotage these relationships.

58:18🔗 Adam Okay. What part of Alaska are you calling from?

58:22🔗 Caller Eagle River.

58:23🔗 Caller It's close to Anchorage.

58:25🔗 Adam Mm-hmm. And why are you there? What is your dad fleeing?

58:28🔗 Drew What's the story?

58:31🔗 Caller Why am I in Eagle River?

58:33🔗 Drew Well, everyone in Alaska has a story.

58:35🔗 Adam We don't mean actually in Eagle River, but in the county of Eagle River.

58:40🔗 Caller Basically, because my mom decided to move here when I was five.

58:44🔗 Adam Okay. What was she running from?

58:47🔗 Caller I don't know. It might have been my dad.

58:49🔗 Drew And what's up with him?

58:52🔗 Caller He was never really around. Like, I wasn't actually supposed to be born. I wasn't planned for kind of thing.

59:04🔗 Adam I have this theory that I could walk into any place in Alaska and just go, even if it was a church, and I could just walk in and go, yeah, I'm Federal Marshal Johnson. I have a warrant from 1987 and the entire place would just scatter. People would be diving out the windows through the stained glass window, shoulder roll onto the snowmobile.

59:26🔗 Drew It looked like Columbine or something.

59:30🔗 Adam People would just be like, Jesus caught on fire. I could do that in a church. Now, if I went into a bar, well, I'd start shooting back. I'd start shooting and return fire. I would love to do that. I have this theory that I could walk into any large hall, like a bingo hall or church or any large establishment in either Nevada, Alaska, and certain parts of Florida and just go, excuse me, I'm Federal Marshal Johnson. I have a bench warrant for, and everyone's just trying to be the greatest. I would never tire of it if I lived in Alaska.

1:00:05🔗 Drew It's a great reality show. It's a great idea for a reality show. But you haven't been to Alaska. I went up there.

1:00:12🔗 Adam I don't care. I know everyone in there is fleeing the law.

1:00:15🔗 Drew And every person up there will tell you that their family or they themselves has a story.

1:00:20🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:00:21🔗 Drew Everybody has a story up there.

1:00:22🔗 Adam Yeah, it's always like, what are you doing here? My dad didn't feel it was the federal government's job to tell me whether I could stockpile munitions or hookers. It's like, there's always somebody fleeing something, something, running from the past.

1:00:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:38🔗 Adam Never hear anyone running from the future. And by the way, if you were running from the future, would you have to go back?

1:00:45🔗 Drew Yes, you'd be going back in time.

1:00:46🔗 Adam You couldn't run forward because you'd be heading toward the future.

1:00:49🔗 Drew You have to run towards the future, yes.

1:00:50🔗 Adam But what if you ran sideways? Would you still be getting away laterally from the future?

1:00:56🔗 Drew That's a technicality.

1:00:57🔗 Adam Well, if the future was in front of you and you were going to the side.

1:01:00🔗 Drew You could miss it, yes.

1:01:00🔗 Adam But do you think the future runs all the way along, like the Canadian border? Or do you think it's just sort of in the middle?

1:01:05🔗 Drew Well, I just think if you run sideways, you're never getting into the future. So it's a technicality. It's interesting. Could you stay in the present forever?

1:01:13🔗 Adam Ashley?

1:01:14🔗 Drew Running sideways?

1:01:15🔗 Adam These are all questions you could answer.

1:01:17🔗 Drew Big questions. Huge.

1:01:18🔗 Adam So your mom moved up to Alaska when you were five.

1:01:22🔗 Drew But so the fact that you have an abandoning, chaotic father and a mom that just decided to take off to hinder other parts.

1:01:28🔗 Caller He abandoned me.

1:01:29🔗 Caller It was just more like my mom wanted to move up here.

1:01:33🔗 Caller My uncle was already living up here.

1:01:34🔗 Caller And so we lived with him for a few years.

1:01:36🔗 Drew Let's put it this way. Given that you had a father who your mother needed to flee, it makes starts to make sense that you would have trouble in relationships with men.

1:01:44🔗 Adam Yes. And the other part, too, is whenever the sister and the brother decide to move up together, she's over it. Well, he was living up there. She says, are you kidding me?

1:01:54🔗 Caller It's not like that, but okay.

1:01:57🔗 Adam No, I don't mean weird and sexual. I just mean it's just white trash.

1:02:03🔗 Caller Well, we did move up here from Virginia, so.

1:02:06🔗 Adam All right. Okay, so you got issues with men. And all the guys you're dating up there in Alaska are the offspring of fleeing felons.

1:02:15🔗 Drew So they're suspect too, I agree with you. But Ashley, the only variable you have any control over is Ashley. And let's go ahead and sort of pay attention to what you contribute to all this. And if you don't like how things are going, change that.

1:02:27🔗 Adam Hold on. She thinks you're talking about Ashley Judd. Explain to her that when he says Ashley, I mean Ashley Olson. It means you.

1:02:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:36🔗 Adam Okay.

1:02:37🔗 Caller Well, it's just weird because a lot of the guys like.

1:02:40🔗 Adam All right, that's enough. Just listen to us. Would you please stop doing the same thing over and over again?

1:02:46🔗 Drew It must be getting cold up there.

1:02:47🔗 Adam Please, people.

1:02:49🔗 Drew Days are going to like night. Night and night's like 20 hours now. It's bad times.

1:02:56🔗 Adam Okay, long fella. You should write some of that down. Here's the thing. Try to be more human than animal, everybody. That's my sincere wish for everyone listening to the show. Here's what animals do. You know what animals do? The same goddamn thing over and over again. That's all they do. That's all they do. They do the exact same goddamn thing. My dog barks at the same nothing every night at 8 o'clock. Every night like a maniac. Every night at the same nothing.

1:03:24🔗 Drew I hope it's at the neighbor downhill there.

1:03:28🔗 Adam Trying to get benchworns for me? No.

1:03:30🔗 Drew No. Is he doing that now?

1:03:31🔗 Adam No, no. He's just an old coot who keeps calling the city of Papua Beach. Again? Yes, he's on it again.

1:03:37🔗 Drew No.

1:03:38🔗 Adam Yes, yes.

1:03:40🔗 Drew How do you not? This is how murders happen, I think.

1:03:43🔗 Adam You know what? Here's the thing, Drew. Thankfully for all my neighbors, I'm so goddamn busy, I just don't have time to go over there and actually put a contract out on them. But it'd be awesome if some of them just keeled over. It really would be. And that's the thing, too. Once you're on my S-list, I wish death upon you.

1:04:01🔗 Drew And then they become infinitely successful.

1:04:03🔗 Adam No. That's how the Corolla curse works. I'm just saying, everybody, please get off this treadmill known as your life and start trying to get outside yourself a little bit. If the same thing happens to you 20 times in a row, maybe it's you.

1:04:18🔗 Drew Maybe.

1:04:18🔗 Adam If you keep getting fired, maybe you're a bad employee. If you keep getting Ds and Fs, maybe you're a bad student. Maybe it has something to do with you. Maybe it's not the teacher hates you. Maybe it's not your employer is jealous. Maybe it's not every guy in Alaska cheats. I'm sure a disproportionate percentage of them do. Maybe it's the guys you're picking. Why not embrace that? Otherwise, you just lie around waiting to get hit by life. Right?

1:04:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:04:46🔗 Adam If you start, and it's a bitters pill, and you have to humble yourself.

1:04:50🔗 Drew Reverend Run was up here saying he takes responsibility for everything.

1:04:54🔗 Adam Reverend Run.

1:04:55🔗 Drew Good or bad.

1:04:57🔗 Adam Well, let's talk about this philosophically very quickly. I don't want to preach here boring, or maybe it's too late.

1:05:02🔗 Drew Or both.

1:05:03🔗 Adam Or both, but here we go. If you show up at a store on a Sunday and the store is closed, and you start cursing the store and saying, I drove halfway across town, I can't believe this, I ruined my weekend, what kind of place is closed on a Sunday, you never learn a lesson. But if you say, man, you know what, I should have called. I should have made that phone call. And then your wife is saying, honey, how would you know? Every place is open on Sunday these days. And you say, you know what, now next time, I will pick up the phone and call. Then you learn something. But if you get angry at the store for not being open, what's to stop you from going to, what is to prevent this from happening the following weekend?

1:05:46🔗 Drew There's nothing.

1:05:47🔗 Adam That's right. So don't do it for me and don't do it for Drew and don't do it for the store owner, do it for you. Beat yourself up a little, internalize a little for you, not for them. See, people don't want to do it, they're trying to protect themselves. Screw this store, screw this street, they should have whatever, I'm going to sue somebody. Don't do it for you.

1:06:08🔗 Drew Because it's always feel better to make it the problem outside of yourself. But you can't solve those problems, they won't change or you can't change them.

1:06:16🔗 Adam Humble yourself for you. You know what I do every day before I leave the house?

1:06:20🔗 Drew You drop on your knees and pray.

1:06:21🔗 Adam No, I stand nude in front of a mirror and I pose down. I repeat that I'm fat and ugly and stupid.

1:06:30🔗 Drew One hundred times.

1:06:30🔗 Adam I couldn't love and I'm strong. No, I go the other way. And then I get hungry and I get out there.

1:06:35🔗 Drew Nice.

1:06:36🔗 Adam You understand, Drew?

1:06:37🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:06:39🔗 Adam Matthew?

1:06:40🔗 Caller Yeah. Yes.

1:06:43🔗 Adam What's up?

1:06:46🔗 Caller The past couple of years I started having panic attacks before sex and now it's happening every time.

1:06:51🔗 Drew Oh, that sucks.

1:06:52🔗 Caller To the point that it's interfering with my sex life entirely.

1:06:56🔗 Drew Is it with the same person?

1:06:57🔗 Caller Yes.

1:06:58🔗 Drew Anything about that relationship we should know?

1:07:02🔗 Caller No. Actually, the relationship is fine except for the sexual part but it's, you know, kind of...

1:07:05🔗 Drew But is it somebody you're like super into and very anxious because of that?

1:07:10🔗 Caller Actually, it's somebody I've been married to for seven years.

1:07:13🔗 Drew Oh, is it somebody you're not into and afraid what might kind of come out of you?

1:07:19🔗 Caller No, not really.

1:07:21🔗 Drew Do you have a history of panic attacks?

1:07:23🔗 Caller Yes.

1:07:24🔗 Drew Do you have a history of any drug use?

1:07:26🔗 Caller Um, just the medications they have me on.

1:07:29🔗 Drew What's that?

1:07:30🔗 Caller Um, Milltown.

1:07:32🔗 Drew Milltown? Are you kidding me? No. Are you calling from back in time? That stuff is rarely used anymore.

1:07:41🔗 Caller Um, well actually...

1:07:43🔗 Adam Maybe he's in the military or something.

1:07:45🔗 Caller No, actually my psychiatrist is ancient and he doesn't believe in benzodiazepines.

1:07:51🔗 Drew Oh my god. Milltowns are extremely difficult to stop too. They get profoundly addictive.

1:07:56🔗 Adam Oh, they phase them out?

1:07:57🔗 Drew Well, yeah.

1:07:58🔗 Caller I, um, I did stop taking it on my own and, um, I had, I started having seizures and the doctor...

1:08:04🔗 Drew That's what I'm saying. And it can cause a severe panic for up to a year afterwards.

1:08:11🔗 Adam All right.

1:08:12🔗 Drew Matthew, you need somebody who understands neurobiology to really look at things here and help you with this. I mean, you may, this all may be induced panic. I mean, it does not sound, it sounds, that's why I was kind of going down that path. It sounds so discreet and so, um, pervasive in terms of the quality of these attacks. It's not, you know, usually panic attacks kind of a little more free-floating. I mean, they can be triggered by environmental cues, but every time you have sex, that's something else. It just suggests that there's like a background of something going on neurobiologically.

1:08:42🔗 Adam It's just, Panic attacks like a herpes breakout, you don't get it on the first of every month. You just get it whenever, wherever.

1:08:48🔗 Drew It's a little more free-floating usually. Yeah, usually. I mean, it's triggered by various things, but you kind of have to figure it out usually and it's hard to tell. But every time I have sex, that's like, you know, every time I'm in a stressful situation, is what he's saying, it just breaks through.

1:09:00🔗 Adam Why is sex with his wife of seven years stressful? I mean, it should be boring, but it should be stressful.

1:09:07🔗 Drew He's a...

1:09:08🔗 Adam I wish I had a panic attack at home. Matthew?

1:09:11🔗 Caller Yes.

1:09:12🔗 Drew Milltown, that's just unbelievable.

1:09:14🔗 Adam Is she a big gal?

1:09:17🔗 Caller No.

1:09:18🔗 Drew You know, Milltown, when you get off it, you get what's called an euthysia, you have to move around all the time and they get upper limb restlessness. They punch when they punch things and stuff. It's very, very uncomfortable withdrawal and it lasts for a long time.

1:09:32🔗 Caller I see. Yeah. Now I've been on this for 14 years.

1:09:35🔗 Adam He works at a glass figurine shop.

1:09:37🔗 Drew What's that, Matthew? It's going to be tough.

1:09:38🔗 Adam Oh my god, that damage.

1:09:40🔗 Drew They get something called hemi-blizmus, the arm just goes, whew, all of a sudden.

1:09:42🔗 Adam I'm telling you, when you're not supple. Drew, do you have that? You punch your mic four times a night.

1:09:46🔗 Drew Well, I did.

1:09:47🔗 Adam You're getting off Milltown?

1:09:48🔗 Drew Now that you mentioned it. What's that, Matthew?

1:09:50🔗 Adam Milltown sounds like a fictional place. Tough cops threatens to take the perps down too. Cuffels, I come back down here, I'll take you down to Milltown.

1:09:59🔗 Drew The real name is Mepro-Ban-Mate, and actually SOMA is converted to Mepro-Ban-Mate by your system.

1:10:04🔗 Caller Now, I've been on this for 14 years.

1:10:07🔗 Drew On Milltown?

1:10:08🔗 Caller Yes.

1:10:09🔗 Drew Oh, that is bad times.

1:10:10🔗 Adam 14 years?

1:10:12🔗 Drew You need to see somebody who really is skilled with this stuff.

1:10:14🔗 Adam You got on this stuff when you were 12? Yes.

1:10:17🔗 Caller Well, actually, it was to make me a better witness at a sexual abuse trial. They wanted me calm for it. Wow.

1:10:26🔗 Drew Amazing job.

1:10:27🔗 Adam No, no. This is real. This is real. Matthew?

1:10:33🔗 Caller Yes.

1:10:33🔗 Adam This isn't bogus, is it?

1:10:36🔗 Caller No.

1:10:37🔗 Adam No, Drew, this is way too specific. Miltown sexual abuse trial?

1:10:42🔗 Drew Well, now we know it has the panic before sex, right?

1:10:45🔗 Adam Yeah. What happened at the sexual abuse trial?

1:10:49🔗 Caller Well, I had to testify, but every time I...

1:10:51🔗 Adam Who did you have to testify against?

1:10:53🔗 Caller My uncle.

1:10:55🔗 Adam Who did he sexually abuse?

1:10:57🔗 Caller Me and my sisters.

1:10:59🔗 Adam Sisters? Yes. Let me ask about that, Drew. Hold on a second, Miltown. Drew, the pedophile...

1:11:07🔗 Drew Sounds like a Simpsons character, doesn't it?

1:11:09🔗 Adam Pedophile Miltown. The pedophile that sort of hops around from women to men.

1:11:15🔗 Drew Yeah, I know it's weird.

1:11:17🔗 Adam That is...

1:11:18🔗 Drew Happens, yeah.

1:11:19🔗 Adam Is it that they're molesting a child first and foremost, and that the sex is sort of secondary?

1:11:26🔗 Drew The gender is secondary.

1:11:27🔗 Adam And the child has not really developed to the point where there's a huge difference between the two anyway?

1:11:31🔗 Drew Right.

1:11:32🔗 Adam It's more about just sort of stealing the innocence of a child than it is really what they are.

1:11:37🔗 Drew It's fusing with it. They need to be it.

1:11:41🔗 Adam Really?

1:11:42🔗 Drew Yes. That's the Michael Jackson syndrome.

1:11:45🔗 Adam Matthew?

1:11:46🔗 Caller Yes.

1:11:47🔗 Adam You're talking about the old talk show host from KBC, from South Africa?

1:11:50🔗 Drew Good day.

1:11:53🔗 Adam Wow. Strange reference, Drew. I thought you'd be talking about the pop singer was brought up on molestation checks.

1:11:58🔗 Drew I was, actually.

1:11:58🔗 I was.

1:11:59🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Okay. Now it makes sense.

1:12:01🔗 Drew See?

1:12:01🔗 Adam Now it makes sense. Matthew?

1:12:03🔗 Caller Yes.

1:12:04🔗 Adam Did you put your uncle away in prison?

1:12:08🔗 Caller Well, he pleaded out and the trial never went through, but they still kept me on the same medication.

1:12:14🔗 Adam What did he get for his plea bargain?

1:12:17🔗 Caller Six months.

1:12:19🔗 Caller And he had 42 counts against them.

1:12:23🔗 Adam All right. But it's three days of count, so it works out. And where is he now? Is he out? Obviously?

1:12:30🔗 Caller He's out, but we were moved afterwards. Well, actually, I had to go into foster care. Yeah, yeah.

1:12:37🔗 Adam Because this guy is the brother of your mom?

1:12:40🔗 Caller Yes.

1:12:41🔗 Adam Yeah. And of course, she's a mess. And she was molested, and her dad did horrible things to him, and that's how it works.

1:12:46🔗 Drew Right.

1:12:47🔗 Adam Right.

1:12:48🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. There you go. Magic. Magic. Psychic. Blue. Three. Candles.

1:12:53🔗 Adam Let me explain. Let me say this, Drew. All right, Matthew, talk to a new therapist.

1:12:59🔗 Drew No, you need to see a skilled psychiatrist. You live in Detroit, go to university hospital, department of psychiatry. This is probably what we, I have some success with this medication called Neurontin that will help with the anxiety, the panic, and the withdrawal. But you need a lot of different kinds of interventions here. This is a very complicated situation. Do not try to manage this on your own.

1:13:19🔗 Adam Drew, are you ready to dig on this?

1:13:21🔗 Drew I'm digging.

1:13:21🔗 Adam Dig on this. Heavy and powerful. H&P. Dig on it, though. Okay. When you molest somebody, you get in trouble or charged with whoever you molested, and that's about it. But I say the legacy should be tackled.

1:13:39🔗 Drew Oh, yes. I'm with you.

1:13:40🔗 Adam The people that that person will molest, the broken childhoods and the families and all the trouble that that person caused.

1:13:46🔗 Drew They should be responsible for all the costs and expense and lost wages.

1:13:49🔗 Adam Yeah, because here's the deal. If I set a brush fire just because I like to watch it burn, but a bunch of school kids get trapped in a bus and burn, I get, I get, I get murder. I have to be accountable for everyone who was on the bus.

1:14:05🔗 Drew I totally agree with you.

1:14:08🔗 Adam If you shot a bus driver and killed him, you would get charged for his murder and everyone who was on his bus who died as a result of the accident.

1:14:17🔗 Drew I actually would say we have to do this with the child molesters in order to get this thing to slow down. We have to start doing this.

1:14:22🔗 Adam Because you molest somebody, you only get charged with that. Meanwhile, they go on, they molest their kids, their kids molest other kids, it just keeps going.

1:14:30🔗 Drew It's exponential.

1:14:31🔗 Adam You start something, you knock down a big molestation domino that sets off this ripple effect that may still keep going.

1:14:39🔗 Drew Heavy.

1:14:40🔗 Adam Heavy. H and P. Heavy and what?

1:14:43🔗 Drew Herniated nucleus pulposus, H and P.

1:14:47🔗 Adam Real doctor just to love doctor. Take a quick break, be right back after this. Hey, everybody, it's Gloveline. I'm Adam, and that's Dr. Drew, font number 1-800-L-O-V-E. Let's get back to the phones, shall we, Drew?

1:15:25🔗 Drew Yup. Or you wanna talk about I don't know. The punishment for child abuse again?

1:15:34🔗 Adam I just, I just feel, well, that's where Pedophile comes in my island for pedophiles. What a movie. And Waitil becomes a musical.

1:15:45🔗 Caller Broadway musical.

1:15:47🔗 Adam Pedophile now! And it's bursting and guy kicking high. Top hats.

1:15:53🔗 Drew Springtime for pedophiles and child molesters.

1:15:58🔗 Adam Brittany?

1:15:59🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:16:00🔗 Adam 18?

1:16:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:16:02🔗 Oh yeah.

1:16:03🔗 Adam Poor Brittany. Punched her up about a half hour ago and then forgot about her. Yeah. You're depressed, baby doll?

1:16:10🔗 Caller Yeah, a little bit.

1:16:11🔗 Adam What's the matter?

1:16:13🔗 Caller Nothing. I lost my dad when I was seven. And like a few months after that, I lost my best friend to a fire. She died also.

1:16:23🔗 Adam You're just talking about young people dying in fires? What happened to your dad?

1:16:29🔗 Caller He died of cancer of the nerve. He had like really great big tumors. Yeah, that's all I know. Cancer of the nerve. That's all I know. And it was about 12 years ago.

1:16:39🔗 Adam Of the nerve.

1:16:41🔗 Drew Neurosarcoma probably.

1:16:42🔗 Caller Yeah. And then I had a verbally abusive mom and I confronted her about that a while ago and she said that she was sorry. She actually realized she was verbally abusive and she said she was sorry and now I'm getting therapy. But I was wondering if you can cure depression without taking medication because I don't like taking medication. It just seems like it's fake happiness to me. I don't know.

1:17:03🔗 Drew Well, it's not fake happiness.

1:17:06🔗 Adam What's wrong with fake happiness, by the way? I wouldn't mind a dose of fake happiness.

1:17:09🔗 Drew How is it different than real happiness?

1:17:10🔗 Adam And if you don't know it, it's like a fake orgasm. If you believe it, then it's an orgasm.

1:17:15🔗 Drew This is somewhat different because your brain has been depleted by these repetitive assaults. And so the idea is just to support the chemistry of the brain by bringing the chemicals back towards normal. So you don't fall into a biological state from all these stressors. While you work on the therapy and do the things you need to do to pull yourself on out of it. And then eventually get off the medicines. In the meantime, however, there's no such thing as antidepressant addiction.

1:17:40🔗 Adam There isn't?

1:17:41🔗 Drew There's no such thing. They do not trigger the medial forebrain bundle where addiction occurs. So you can't get addicted to them.

1:17:49🔗 Adam Brittany, what do you like doing?

1:17:52🔗 Caller I'm going to school for journalism. So I'm a college student and I work and that's it. So I like to write.

1:18:01🔗 Drew You don't sound that depressed, by the way. But if you're having trouble functioning, depression is a potentially dangerous illness. One out of five people kill themselves who have depression.

1:18:09🔗 Adam Here's the thing, you'll make a great writer though. There's no such thing as a happy person who sits down and writes. Happy people, you know what they do? They go to the park, they play catch.

1:18:19🔗 Drew They have boring lives.

1:18:21🔗 Adam They have sex, they go to movies, they see plays.

1:18:25🔗 Drew Wait a minute, I'm getting jealous.

1:18:26🔗 Adam Well, think about what writing is. Think about that concept of writing. Lots of downtime, lots of time. And here's the thing, you don't usually write at noon. You write at 3 a.m. to 5 a.m. Right. You polish off a bottle of wine, drink it, have a couple of sleeping pills, and just sit there.

1:18:46🔗 Drew That's the definition of Adam, what he's telling us.

1:18:48🔗 Adam Oh.

1:18:48🔗 Drew It sounds like your nightly routine.

1:18:50🔗 Adam Well, yeah, except for I watch TiVo.

1:18:52🔗 Drew And no sleeping pills, just the wine. Yeah, sometimes I'm sleeping pills, yeah.

1:18:56🔗 Adam I'm a mixed man. I surprise myself. Here's the thing. Depression makes for great artists. Happy people don't write because you don't have anything to write down when you're happy. When you're in a good mood, you don't have anything to write down. The people who write happy songs, they're depressed. No, they're depressed, they're just trying to make money.

1:19:16🔗 Drew No. Got it.

1:19:18🔗 Adam You wish to find out they're depressed too.

1:19:19🔗 Drew Yeah. Okay.

1:19:23🔗 Adam It's good for writing. That's all I'm saying. Go ahead and get yourself right, pardon the pun, but not too right. So that you can't write.

1:19:33🔗 Drew No. That tends not to happen because they still have the experiences behind them. James, what's going on 22?

1:19:39🔗 Adam Hey, what's up, guys? How you doing?

1:19:41🔗 Drew We're good. How are you?

1:19:42🔗 Adam What's happening?

1:19:43🔗 Caller Well, I was kind of wondering. I've been kind of doing like a lot of getting like a little bit more deviant in terms of like masturbation and stuff. I've started looking at like transsexual porn. I've been doing things that I would consider more like sociopathic sort of behavior.

1:20:01🔗 Adam Like what?

1:20:03🔗 Caller Well, I've always I've been dealing with, so like the past couple of years, I started getting into like a gambling problem. And I've been kind of doing things like using people in terms of, it hasn't always been for that in like in terms of money.

1:20:19🔗 Adam Where do you get tranny porn? Give me the title of one of your tranny porn movies.

1:20:22🔗 Caller Well, no, I never like bought like a tranny porn, but I mean online you can go and grab all the tranny porn that you want.

1:20:28🔗 Adam Drew, dig on this.

1:20:31🔗 Drew I'm digging.

1:20:33🔗 Adam Well, you think I would have a lawsuit if I bought tranny porn that I thought was straight porn, masturbated to it, and then later found out it was tranny porn.

1:20:45🔗 Drew That's pretty traumatic.

1:20:46🔗 Adam Do you know what I mean?

1:20:47🔗 Drew You'd be deceived.

1:20:48🔗 Adam I could argue that I've lost my confidence. I feel like I've been raped and shamed.

1:20:53🔗 Drew You've got a great case. Why not? They're deep pockets.

1:20:56🔗 Adam Yeah, the tranny porn industry? Endless.

1:21:00🔗 Drew Who knows?

1:21:01🔗 Adam Globally, $80 billion a year on tranny porn.

1:21:04🔗 Drew Probably is.

1:21:06🔗 Adam Here's the deal, too. I think trannies are going to be like, it's going to be like plastic surgery. It's not going to be so easy to spot anymore. It used to be 25, 30 years ago. You could tell the chick that had the face job. I don't know if you can tell anymore.

1:21:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:21:22🔗 Adam But here's the next thing I'm interested in. And just to answer me this, what do you think of this, Drew? I look at the porn magazine sometimes, right?

1:21:30🔗 Drew No way.

1:21:31🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:21:31🔗 Drew Oh, my God.

1:21:32🔗 Adam The back, a lot of chicks with dongs. Lots of stuff. Lots of stuff with chicks with dongs. Okay.

1:21:40🔗 Drew What is that?

1:21:41🔗 Adam Now, it's usually an attractive woman that they've cut a penis out and stuck on. Yeah. But they're still saying, here's our website, here's our literature, here's our movies, go get this. Every goddamn fifth one of those advertisements is chicks with dongs, not big jugs.

1:22:00🔗 Drew God forbid.

1:22:01🔗 Adam What kind of country are we living in? That the chicks with dongs advertisements outnumbers the big jug porn. In the advertisement department, in the back of the huts, I'm outraged, I'm outraged, and I'll not stand for, I say good day, I say good day to the chick with dong porn. But here's my point. How many guys actually like this? That's what I can't understand.

1:22:28🔗 Drew And who are those guys?

1:22:29🔗 Adam Well, now here's what I'm figuring out. Nobody actually, or a very small percentage of guys, actually like it.

1:22:36🔗 Drew Well, maybe this guy, I'll see what he is.

1:22:38🔗 Adam Quiet.

1:22:38🔗 Drew All right.

1:22:39🔗 Adam But a larger group are effed up guys who just want to stretch the boundaries.

1:22:44🔗 Drew Yeah, I think that's a lot of it.

1:22:46🔗 Adam It's not to say that they want to marry this, or they even want to pay for a prostitute this way, but they're jacked up and they want weird. More arousal. And these guys, they're long past the bukkake phase of masturbation, and then they're now into the bizarre and the macabre.

1:23:06🔗 Drew And that's the way porn addiction tends to go.

1:23:08🔗 Adam Not with me, my friend.

1:23:09🔗 I think it's put there to make the other porn look better.

1:23:12🔗 Adam Anderson, you know what I'm talking about, though, right?

1:23:14🔗 Caller I was in New York and I was looking at some magazines I had out there, just some newspapers, and more than half of it was female shemale stuff.

1:23:22🔗 Adam Well, the other thing, too, is that female shemale ads are like a turd in the goulash. It goes a long way. You see one, it's going to take a lot of good straight stuff. They wash that memory out of your mind.

1:23:34🔗 Drew It sticks.

1:23:35🔗 Adam Yeah, it sticks. One seems like a hundred. But really, it's like every other one in the back of the thing, and you just want to throw your hands up and scream, like, who is into this ass?

1:23:45🔗 Drew Well, there's a guy to talk to. Let's talk to him, James.

1:23:48🔗 Adam You always want to talk to the people that call the show, Drew. That's where we part ways.

1:23:52🔗 Drew I know.

1:23:52🔗 Adam James?

1:23:54🔗 Caller Adam, you hit it on the head when you said, like, it's something that you kind of stretch the limits, but at the same time, it's something that at times I'm very attracted to, and at other times, well...

1:24:06🔗 Adam Are you effed up when you're viewing this?

1:24:09🔗 Caller Like am I high or am I...

1:24:11🔗 Adam Yeah, high or drunk or whatever.

1:24:13🔗 Caller No, no.

1:24:14🔗 Drew It's not like you actually would want to be with this said person with the weird anatomy, right?

1:24:20🔗 Caller Not really, no.

1:24:21🔗 Drew Right, you just need that, you just get the sort of burned out in the arousal of the normal stuff and need something more extreme.

1:24:27🔗 Caller Sometimes, yeah.

1:24:28🔗 Drew I think that's the thing about the Internet, there's so much stuff streaming down that they just finally get sort of, everything becomes white noise. You know, people can get accustomed to anything.

1:24:36🔗 Adam Right.

1:24:36🔗 Drew And you need more.

1:24:38🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:24:38🔗 Drew And that's sort of an addict thing too, by the way.

1:24:40🔗 Caller Well, yeah, totally. I have a lot of addictive qualities.

1:24:43🔗 Adam Yeah, so this is an addict thing.

1:24:46🔗 Drew Yeah, this is where addicts go with this. All right. So what's the go? Well, you can stop. And it's like every other addictive pathology, you've got to stop the behaviors. If you can't, there is help out there. You live in Long Beach. There's a treatment center in Redondo called the Delamo Treatment Center. And check it out.

1:25:04🔗 Adam Lived in the city for 40 years. I figured out Delamo is not a city.

1:25:08🔗 Drew I know, I had to explain that to you.

1:25:10🔗 Adam About three weeks ago when Drew explained it to me.

1:25:11🔗 Drew And you were angry with me.

1:25:13🔗 Adam I was well?

1:25:13🔗 Drew Furious that I didn't name a city Delamo.

1:25:16🔗 Adam You shoot the messenger. You know how it goes. There was the Delamo Mall. There's probably Delamo Fire Department, too, to be honest.

1:25:23🔗 Drew Torrance and Hawthorne. That's the city.

1:25:25🔗 Adam We have we have a city named everything. I can't believe there's no Delamo. It's a perfect name for a Southland city.

1:25:33🔗 Drew Means the soul or something?

1:25:35🔗 Adam Whatever. It's a Spanish name, which is perfect for every goddamn city around here, because that's all we'll use. And then we'll complain about the illegals coming over the border. You just shouldn't do that. If you named if you named your kitchen Roach World and you found a roach in it, would you be surprised? Would you be shocked? Not that I equate my Latin brothers from south of borders, but you know what I'm saying.

1:26:02🔗 Drew Yes. Yes. And world answers. Answer us.

1:26:07🔗 Adam No, Drew, I find that derogatory.

1:26:08🔗 Drew Oh yeah, I guess so.

1:26:09🔗 Adam Okay. Let's, let's take a break. I don't know.

1:26:12🔗 Drew I need to talk some more.

1:26:12🔗 Adam No, I don't know what that was because I don't feel like I know what that was. Man, when you talk like that, it's like, I don't even know you anymore. Go ahead, Drew.

1:26:20🔗 Drew Huzzah.

1:26:21🔗 Adam Take a quick break. Be right back after this. Yeah, buddy, Love Line, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Gonna speak to Mark from Idaho. Mark, 28.

1:27:16🔗 Caller Yes.

1:27:17🔗 Drew Mark.

1:27:18🔗 Adam Mark?

1:27:19🔗 Drew Okay.

1:27:19🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:27:20🔗 Adam Yeah. What's up?

1:27:23🔗 Caller Well, I guess I had a one-week stand with a girl. You can call it that. It was one night stand that lasted too long. And about a month later, she comes and tells me she's pregnant.

1:27:36🔗 Drew And? The question is?

1:27:41🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

1:27:42🔗 Adam What's your question?

1:27:44🔗 Caller Okay. The question is, I'm being able to go to the doctor with her for like the ultrasounds and stuff. And the ultrasounds, they measure the fetus. And the measurements of the fetus are coming like two, two and a half weeks older than when I met her. Are the ultrasounds accurate to conception?

1:28:03🔗 Drew They tend to be. They're not absolutely accurate, but they tend to be.

1:28:07🔗 Adam Let me ask you this, Drew. When would be the best or most accurate ultrasound? Earlier or later?

1:28:15🔗 Drew I don't know that offhand.

1:28:18🔗 Adam If you didn't have no idea how far along a woman is and you did an ultrasound at eight months, would it be more conclusive than you doing it at week number three?

1:28:26🔗 Drew I don't know.

1:28:27🔗 Adam I would imagine in a certain way, there's just certain things that can't happen by four weeks or six weeks, you know what I mean?

1:28:36🔗 Drew You're working with a smaller measurement, therefore greater potential for error.

1:28:40🔗 Adam Well, I would look at it as the, I would almost look at it the opposite way, which is if you showed me an oak tree, I couldn't tell you how old the oak tree was, but if you showed me a sapling, I think I could tell you that's a few months. You know what I mean?

1:28:54🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:28:55🔗 Adam Because it just couldn't be, there's not much, a week is like a month when it's, when you've only been around for three of them as opposed to eight of them.

1:29:03🔗 Drew Yeah, it's interesting.

1:29:04🔗 Adam Powerful?

1:29:05🔗 Drew Powerful.

1:29:06🔗 Adam Heavy and powerful, or just powerful?

1:29:07🔗 Drew H and P.

1:29:08🔗 Adam Wow. Powerful. Drew, I would have made a decent scientist had I learned to read, read. Or, you're cont, learn, To read? I would learn the past tense of reading.

1:29:19🔗 Drew Absolutely.

1:29:20🔗 Adam Yes?

1:29:21🔗 Drew Yes, absolutely.

1:29:21🔗 Adam Okay, thanks buddy.

1:29:23🔗 Drew In fact, I've decided that we don't teach science in this country. That's really part of the problem here. That's why everyone's gone sort of wacky with all their little crazy theories and stuff. Because people don't understand how science works.

1:29:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:29:34🔗 Drew People don't understand how it works.

1:29:35🔗 Adam Like I said, if I wasn't writing at a third grade level.

1:29:39🔗 Drew And reading.

1:29:40🔗 Adam Yeah. Writing, writing, and arithmetic. The three R's. How did the three R thing work either? Isn't it?

1:29:49🔗 Drew Reading, writing, arithmetic. I know none of those start with R. It's for reading.

1:29:55🔗 Adam You know what's the scariest thing about me? I thought two of them did start with an R.

1:29:58🔗 Drew Nice.

1:30:00🔗 Adam Possibly three.

1:30:02🔗 Drew I thought you thought it was a arithmetic.

1:30:04🔗 Adam I thought reading.

1:30:05🔗 Drew Like it was the article arithmetic, describing arithmetic.

1:30:09🔗 Caller Mark? Yes.

1:30:11🔗 Drew So, there you go. Get a paternity test. I think you'll feel better if you get that.

1:30:14🔗 Caller Okay. Is there a paternity test before the baby is born? No.

1:30:19🔗 Drew Not that I'm aware of. You can't really put the pregnancy at risk, so no, you can't really do that.

1:30:24🔗 Adam It is arithmetic, though, isn't it?

1:30:25🔗 Drew Yes.

1:30:26🔗 Adam But it's not like a hernia is really hernia.

1:30:29🔗 Caller Right.

1:30:30🔗 Adam That's a confusing, ah.

1:30:32🔗 Drew There is no, ah.

1:30:33🔗 Adam No, I know. But most people say, oh, what were we in the hospital? A hernia? Well, because they're saying a hernia.

1:30:41🔗 Drew You put it with, what are you in the hospital for? Appendix.

1:30:45🔗 Adam Oh. No, that is an A.

1:30:48🔗 Drew I know.

1:30:48🔗 Adam No, listen, here's what I'm saying.

1:30:50🔗 Drew A hernia, an appendix, the same category.

1:30:51🔗 Adam Most people say, I had a hernia.

1:30:53🔗 Drew I know.

1:30:53🔗 Adam And it sounds like-

1:30:54🔗 Drew And they don't say appendix or an appendix. They say appendix.

1:30:58🔗 Adam Right, so they don't say, I had a hernia, they say, I had a hernia.

1:31:04🔗 Drew Yeah, and I had appendix.

1:31:06🔗 Adam And it starts sounding like a hernia, not hernia. Arithmetic.

1:31:12🔗 Drew All right, let's get another call.

1:31:13🔗 Adam Okay, all right.

1:31:14🔗 Drew My head's exploding.

1:31:15🔗 Adam Does anyone say arithmetic anymore?

1:31:17🔗 Drew No, math.

1:31:18🔗 Adam What was that one?

1:31:19🔗 Drew Math.

1:31:20🔗 Adam I've got to look that one up. What's that place where they hide the books or they keep them in your bar room?

1:31:25🔗 Drew I can't think of the name. Library.

1:31:27🔗 Adam Library.

1:31:28🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:31:28🔗 Adam That's that house where they lend you the books, but you have to bring them back.

1:31:31🔗 Drew Bring them back. They're covered in plastic.

1:31:33🔗 Adam Check that out. Check that out on the Internet, Michelle. See if you can find one of those. What's it called again? Library. Library. Check that out. Doesn't have the word book in it, so it always slows me down. But Drew probably told me five times. Sarah?

1:31:50🔗 Yeah.

1:31:51🔗 Adam You're 23?

1:31:53🔗 Caller Yes.

1:31:54🔗 Adam What's up?

1:31:56🔗 Caller Well, I'm seeing this guy, and I noticed he had bumps on his penis, and so we went and had it checked out, and it ended up being genital wart. I haven't had sex with him, and I'm wondering, is there any way I can have sex with him and not get it? I mean, is there?

1:32:21🔗 Drew Yes, you can wear a condom, but it won't be 100% effective. There will be a vaccine available soon. It's coming soon. Did you just throw up in your mouth?

1:32:29🔗 Adam No, I just hiccuped in my mouth, Claus.

1:32:31🔗 Drew So you may have to wait till the end of the year to get a vaccine, but in the meantime, condom will be the way to protect yourself and also get the warts taken off. The less wart present, the less viral production.

1:32:41🔗 Adam So each wart is its own little virus factory?

1:32:44🔗 Drew The virus factory, exactly.

1:32:46🔗 Adam All right. Kevin?

1:32:48🔗 Caller Yes?

1:32:49🔗 Adam You're 29, you get red blotches on your penis that go away and then reappear.

1:32:54🔗 Caller Yeah, generally they appear maybe after sex.

1:32:58🔗 Caller I thought it was an irritation from the condom.

1:33:01🔗 Adam Can you get rosacea on your dork, Drew?

1:33:04🔗 Drew No.

1:33:05🔗 Caller Okay.

1:33:06🔗 Drew Rosacea is specifically a facial thing. But you can get eczema and you can get seborrhea and you can get all kinds of other good stuff.

1:33:13🔗 Adam Oh, the heartbreak of psoriasis.

1:33:15🔗 Drew Allergic reactions and psoriasis you can get.

1:33:17🔗 Adam Can you, remember the heartbreak of psoriasis? Yeah. Can you easily go to a dermatologist?

1:33:22🔗 Drew Yeah, I would. If they come and go and they just never really stay, then I don't know if they really do anything with it.

1:33:28🔗 Adam How about this though? How about going to a urologist? You know why? Because nobody wants to surprise the doctor that doesn't normally see a penis with a penis.

1:33:36🔗 Drew That's good. Well said. The urologist know a penis is coming.

1:33:39🔗 Adam Right. All right. We'll take a quick break. Yeah. I mean, you see all the pictures up in the waiting room.

1:33:43🔗 Drew It's a Three Dark Nights song, you know.

1:33:46🔗 Adam Penis coming hot, your hot girl. Penis coming hot. Now see, Drew, do you see what I do for you? I know what you're talking about. Hi, it was Chuck Negra.

1:34:03🔗 Drew He was bad.

1:34:04🔗 Adam All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Lucky we don't have any time left in the show to get into this.

1:34:41🔗 Caller Whoo.

1:34:42🔗 Adam All right. End of the week. So thanks for thanks for thanks for thanks for you. I thank you, Patricia. Yeah, this week got screwed up. It felt like the end on Tuesday, and now it doesn't feel like that. Yeah. Well, thank you for doing the phones. I want to thank Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Producer Lorne for booking the show, Producer Ann for doing a great job all week long. Engineers Michelle, Engineer Curtis, who else? Engineer Anderson, Marcus, Marcus, I want to say Curtis. Yeah, Marcus. Yeah, I'm going to go with Marcus. Yeah, Junior, I got Junior Lorne in there. Anderson. So, until next time, I'm Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:35:27🔗 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:35:31🔗 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station.

1:35:39🔗 Caller The producer for Loveline is Ann Engel.

1:35:41🔗 Adam Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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