Tuesday, September 13, 2005

0:57🔗 Voiceover Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Sexually oriented content.

1:07🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:08🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised.

1:13🔗 Voiceover This is Loveline.

1:17🔗 Voiceover With Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:20🔗 Adam Yeah, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. Dr. Drew. Board Certified Physician. Diction Medicine Specialist. Can't buy a bare arm to give a flu shot to tonight.

1:35🔗 Drew No, I can't. Well, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior gave me a-

1:39🔗 Adam Oh, let me finish. She ran out of Junior.

1:40🔗 Drew Oh, Junior.

1:41🔗 Adam Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior Producer, Lauren, yes?

1:47🔗 Drew She lent me an arm and I jabbed it with a needle.

1:49🔗 Adam She's 25.

1:51🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:51🔗 Adam She don't need a flu shot at 25, does she? Well, let me say this, Drew.

1:57🔗 I'd let you shoot me up if I was there.

1:59🔗 Drew Come on down. Come on down for a break.

2:01🔗 Adam Yeah, you can use to try to hit the same vein he uses to shoot the H in every night. Speedball. If you can hit that. Yes. Oh, speedball. Sorry, buddy. I didn't mean to insult you.

2:11🔗 Drew You're not so irritable. You're just heroin.

2:14🔗 Adam Much more docile. It's the speedball that's given him the attitude. So here's the thing, Drew. Drew, every year you ask me if I want a flu shot, every year I say no.

2:23🔗 Drew I gave it to you last year.

2:24🔗 Adam No, you didn't.

2:24🔗 Drew Yes, I did.

2:25🔗 Adam No, you didn't. I totally leave me alone. No, no, you didn't. I think you gave it to me one year, but it wasn't last year. Oh, there was a shortage last year. Here's the thing, I hope I get the flu.

2:37🔗 Drew Why?

2:38🔗 Adam I just want to be left alone for like three days. I just pray.

2:41🔗 Drew But remember you got, your wife called me last year when you actually did get sick finally.

2:44🔗 Adam No, it wasn't last year. This was a couple of years ago.

2:47🔗 Drew That thing where you were all, you were lying around moaning. I'm sorry for laughing, but. Yeah. I never get sick. I'll hear the background.

2:55🔗 Oh, oh, oh, yeah, I know.

2:59🔗 Adam It was I know it was awesome too, because you want to know why. You know, it was most you know, one of the most awesome thing about that.

3:04🔗 What's that?

3:05🔗 Adam My wife, who I normally pray goes out of town. Actually, this is actually the one weekend I wanted her stay in town. She had to go. Normally, it's like, look, me and my friends are going to see you. I got to get a poker game going. But this was the one weekend where I physically could not move myself from the bed to the bathroom. I couldn't physically get food from the kitchen and bring it up the stairs. I was so sick that I couldn't move. And I was just depleted. I mean, it's like I got backed over by a truck. And I was devastated. And it was actually the one weekend where she was going to Vegas. And I just sat in my bed and just like an invalid just sort of moaned at the ceiling for two days. But you want to know the worst part about this and that entire event? I'll tell you the worst part. The flu was going around. And it was the kind of thing where I was working for Kimmel, not a sympathetic character. And I think I called at eight in the morning and said, there's just no way. I'm having difficulty dialing. If we weren't in the same area code, I couldn't finish dialing. I only got seven numbers in me.

4:11🔗 Drew But you had missed a couple of days before that or something.

4:13🔗 Adam No. Well, I'd always go.

4:15🔗 Drew You were late or something.

4:16🔗 Adam Not late. But, you know, I'm always doing. I got a career. What are you talking about? Here's my point. I called in Sick to Work, which was the Kimmel show. I showed up the following Monday and it was like, yes, Seth had the flu pretty bad, too. But he came in and everyone pulled that crap. Or it's like, yeah, I woke up at five a.m. just blowing chow. But I drank some Gatorade about eight forty five. I felt a little better. So I just came in about 10 in the morning and everyone was a hero. And it was like, yeah, see that, Corolla. Do you see the commitment they have? And I was like, you don't understand that I was not physically capable of sitting upright in the goddamn bed. And everyone did that. Yeah, everyone had the flu, Adam. You know, it's like there. No, no. People were sick. People were throwing up. Maybe someone had food poisoning. They didn't have what I had, right, which is I'm a very hardy person. I do not complain much. I could not stand up.

5:10🔗 Drew Right.

5:10🔗 Adam And it was like, yeah. All right. So you mailed it in. You just took the day off.

5:15🔗 Drew Look, that's the way I was.

5:17🔗 Adam It drives me insane.

5:18🔗 Drew After my hernia operation.

5:19🔗 Adam Yes.

5:20🔗 Drew I was just like that.

5:20🔗 Adam And yes, you were not.

5:22🔗 Drew You were not new.

5:23🔗 Adam I was working the following morning. Yes. A good a good testament to my intestinal fortitude is I got a hernia. I got hernia surgery at 530 in the afternoon and at 7 a.m. the following day I was hanging closet door.

5:36🔗 Drew And then a week later, they operate on your chest.

5:39🔗 Adam I kicked my ass, but it didn't slow me down. I was still up the next day. Now this this flu was brutal two or three years ago, or whenever, whenever the hell it was. That being said, no, it was not last year.

5:52🔗 Drew I can't believe it.

5:53🔗 Adam That being said, I'm going to forego the flu shot, which now guarantees me getting the flu. But again, I invite the flu.

5:59🔗 Drew Let me give you the shot.

6:00🔗 Adam I want the flu, only if that shot has the flu. If you're willing to infect me with the flu, I'll do it. Let me tell you what I did today, Drew. I had this, I had this, this wonderful, wonderful day.

6:13🔗 Drew You looked up to watch tapes last night, till four in the morning, and then that the tapes you enjoy, not the usual tapes. Not the poor.

6:20🔗 Adam I did manage to shoehorn a couple of those in, sure. Here's the thing. I did, Tuesdays is two shows for me.

6:27🔗 Drew Yeah.

6:27🔗 Adam And it's like two monologues, two opening, whatever, two interviews, two, two everything. One, I like, I like to do a half a show, quite frankly, but Tuesdays, four o'clock show, seven thirty show, we finish at eight thirty, and then I run for my car like I'm on fire.

6:42🔗 Drew Yeah.

6:43🔗 Adam Oh, not for here. It's eight thirty. I'm going to run home. I'm going to, you know, hit my dog on the bell and I'm going to skip rope for half an hour. I'm going to take a half hour worth of nap and then back down the hill. And it's here. I sprinted home. I got home at like eight forty seven. My ass hit the sofa and the phone rang. What's up? We need to come back here. What happened?

7:04🔗 Drew Oh, my God.

7:05🔗 Adam We're doing a big ad. We just need to loop something. We just need to say one more. Can I do it over the phone? No. What can we do tomorrow? Tapes got to go out on the on the bird tonight by nine thirty. Just come on back. Oh, just got back. And here I am, baby. That's why I want the flu, Drew. Do you understand me?

7:23🔗 Drew Yep, got it.

7:24🔗 Adam All right.

7:25🔗 Drew Done and done.

7:26🔗 Adam All right. Too late, everybody. Adam Corolla, Comedy Central, 1130. Jen?

7:31🔗 Yes.

7:32🔗 Adam 17?

7:33🔗 17.

7:35🔗 Adam What's up? I got to goddamn tell you, there is just nothing worse than you being so sick that you're physically moaning out loud and alone in a house. I was so goddamn sick that I was just alone going, ah, alone. I was doing, and Drew, please tell everyone I'm capable of having surgeries and getting up the following morning. I never, whatever. And the only thing worse than that is showing up to work Monday morning with three other A-holes are going, yeah, I didn't feel too good either, but my pulse again, I came in. No, no, no. Yeah, same thing. No, we had the same flu. No, the flu's going around. No, we all had the same, the exact same thing. Horrible. You're just too big a puss. They don't say that, but that's the deal. You're not committed to your work. You know, I listen, I care about my job. We're different that way. And I'm thinking to myself, there's just no possible way you could have stood up if you felt like I felt. And there's nothing worse than getting hit with the wuss label. Now, granted I'm lazy, granted I don't like work, but I ain't a wuss.

8:38🔗 Drew You know, it's funny, we're different that way. I like work, I'll go to it no matter what. Whenever I get sick, that's how I get sick. When I get a virus, that's what it does to me. You know what I mean?

8:48🔗 Adam Yeah.

8:48🔗 Drew Every damn time. It's one of my kids that happens to.

8:51🔗 Adam It's a hernia surgery.

8:52🔗 Drew Oh, it's ridiculous.

8:53🔗 Adam What's up?

8:54🔗 Drew Oh, come on.

8:54🔗 Adam Jen?

8:55🔗 Yeah.

8:56🔗 Adam 17?

8:57🔗 17.

8:58🔗 Adam What's up, baby doll?

9:01🔗 So I've been living with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and everything is like fine and everything, but he won't go down on me or anything for, he won't do anything for me except for have sex with me. And then, but he expects me to do things for him.

9:24🔗 Drew What is it you're looking for him to do for you? Buy flowers, chocolates?

9:28🔗 That'd be really fabulous if he bought me flowers. I've actually trying to being, I want him to buy me flowers, but it's more sexual things. I want him to go down on me and stuff. Because I've been sexually active for a long time and I'm...

9:44🔗 Adam Sure, you're 17. I mean, I think Carter was in office when you popped your hymen.

9:51🔗 Caller Well, I mean, I was 13, so I was young.

9:57🔗 Drew Why so young?

9:59🔗 Caller I don't know, I just, I got curious fast and just things happened.

10:07🔗 Drew I'll tell you what, every time a woman says, I tried sex because I'm curious, she has an alcoholic tendency.

10:14🔗 Adam Really?

10:14🔗 Drew Yeah, that's what that ends up being in my life. So Jen, any alcoholism in your family?

10:21🔗 Caller There's no alcoholism in my family.

10:23🔗 Adam All right, well, look.

10:24🔗 Caller Are you a Mormon? No, I'm not Mormon.

10:27🔗 Adam Wow, Drew, actually, I saw your mouth move. You synced it up perfectly. You're awesome, buddy. Hey, Jen, here's the thing. There we go. Don't be scared to tell the guy what you want. Don't be scared to demand it. And don't be scared to, you're holding all the cards.

10:41🔗 Drew Yes.

10:41🔗 Adam Yes. Just don't, no more. No more.

10:43🔗 Drew That's it. Yeah, no more, sonny, till you get down and get going.

10:45🔗 Adam You know what I was thinking about today, Drew?

10:47🔗 Drew I can imagine.

10:47🔗 Adam When I brought Jimmy Carter up a minute ago. You know what's wrong with today's leaders, today's presidents? Yeah. They have it right in other countries. They don't have no facial hair. I was going back and looking on the computer and I was seeing these guys, these McKinley's and the Cannons. Oh yeah, lots of them.

11:06🔗 Drew These guys.

11:08🔗 Adam ZZ Top. These guys were mountain men. They didn't have, they didn't look like Tom Selleck and they didn't look like Don Johnson. They just had full-blown grab ass beards and these things were hanging down.

11:20🔗 Drew And then it went to mustache with Taft and Roosevelt.

11:23🔗 Adam Yeah, Roosevelt had a nice stash, then it was gone. We look like pussies now. But you'll give me a guy, you know the guy I would vote for? Here's a guy I would vote for. He wears a top hat and he has that look where he has the mutton chop sideburns that's connected to the mustache.

11:39🔗 Drew Oh yeah.

11:39🔗 Adam Nothing else.

11:40🔗 Drew Yeah, let's bring that back.

11:41🔗 Adam And that's all he ever says.

11:42🔗 Drew Look at it.

11:43🔗 Adam And it's like, well, how do you feel about, how do you feel about second trimester? I'm not gonna answer any of your questions. Look at the facial hair. Yeah, thank you.

11:54🔗 Drew Remember that was Burnside, isn't that the Civil War general that looked like that?

11:58🔗 Adam I, yes, I think it was. I just a guy who decides to connect the mustache to the sideburns, but not have the chin part of the hair or the neck.

12:06🔗 Drew Yeah.

12:07🔗 Adam First off, you think this guy's effing around with the interns in the Oval Office? Do you think this guy's in the pocket of big, big business or big oil companies or the NRA? Hell no. He's his own man. He answers to his God. And believe me, it ain't Allah. Do you know what I'm saying?

12:25🔗 Drew Yeah.

12:27🔗 Adam That's a guy who just gets my vote. Who is this guy? I don't even know his name. He has a top hat and he has a salt and pepper pork chops which is connected to the mustache I'm voting for.

12:36🔗 Drew That's a little too bizarre for me. I want to Ulysses S. Grant beard coming back.

12:41🔗 Adam Big beard.

12:41🔗 Drew I want to get close cut beard.

12:44🔗 Caller Full facial beard.

12:45🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. You know why I realized the beard went away? We don't have any fat presidents anymore. We used to have huge guys and when a huge guy gets big and fat, he grows a beard. Now he's no longer a fat ass, he's a big man. That's the way they look at these guys. They weren't like, oh, Buchanan was a lard ass. They were like, he's a big man or whoever. Whoever these guys were, they had these big beards and they packed themselves into these tails, these coats or these ties. All of a sudden, you're just like these big hulking mountain men. If they shaved it off and put a tie on, you go like, oh, look at this guy with the pink cheeks and the three chins. What, do we get a dyke in here? Do we get a dude? Let's bring back the facial hair.

13:30🔗 Drew Yeah, I agree with you.

13:32🔗 Adam Yeah?

13:32🔗 Drew I think a beard, a full beard.

13:34🔗 Adam I don't know. What about my thing where they connect the mustache?

13:38🔗 Drew Let's put it this way. A guy that can pull it off without looking like a total a-hole gets my vote.

13:43🔗 Adam Okay.

13:44🔗 Drew All right?

13:44🔗 Adam I'll tell you the other good thing about the beard. Guy, he's got to do some thinking on a subject, you know? Scratching, giving it some thought. After much and careful consideration, he does the scratch. I'd just vote for that guy. You know, he'd be better than any other wusses that were just sort of bought and sold 20 years ago anyway.

14:05🔗 Drew Nobody has beards anymore.

14:06🔗 Adam Nobody has beards anymore. Everyone's in shape. Everyone's tan. It's really, it's like some sort of, it's just some sort of like a team competition now. I want a fat guy with a beard. And I want a physically imposing guy who just can scare the ass. Like, he's gonna meet with the crazy guy from China who looks like one of my mom's friends with the bad tint in the hair. And this 6'4, 310 pound behemoth of a man just comes walking, spats. He just spats in a beard and he just, he shakes the guy's hand and he starts squeezing it real hard. Like Kim Jong Young, you know, just almost tacos from the strength of this guy's big hand.

14:45🔗 Drew Fletch.

14:45🔗 Adam Fletch.

14:46🔗 Drew Put him up there. Come on.

14:47🔗 Adam Let's, come on.

14:48🔗 Drew Come on.

14:49🔗 Adam Come on.

14:50🔗 Drew Come on.

14:50🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying though, Drew? In looking, you know, ominous. Intimidating.

14:56🔗 Drew Yep.

14:57🔗 Adam Big man. You know what I mean? His word is his bond. You know what I mean?

15:02🔗 Drew Yeah. It's a great idea.

15:05🔗 Adam There's no treatise, no treatise. He doesn't sign anything. It's just a firm handshake. Yes?

15:11🔗 Drew Yes.

15:13🔗 Adam Well, here's what I'm saying. He's essentially the mascot for this country.

15:17🔗 Drew Yeah.

15:17🔗 Adam You know what I mean? But you're gonna start a football team, you get a bear.

15:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

15:21🔗 Adam You don't, you don't get it. You don't just get a pigeon or something.

15:24🔗 Drew No Lord Jeff or anything like that.

15:26🔗 Adam You get some skinny need something out there. You get just a big grizzly bear. You are the mascot for this country.

15:32🔗 Drew Why don't we just get a guy in a big sort of foam costume?

15:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

15:36🔗 Drew Put a big beard on it.

15:37🔗 Adam Okay then. Now you're thinking foam costume. I just mean he's got to be one of these guys that has that big barrel chest. Big, it's hard to tell if he's fat. He may be fat. You call him fat. Yeah, I don't have the balls to. You know what I mean?

15:55🔗 Drew Yep.

15:55🔗 Adam All right. It's the guy I'm talking about. Chris?

15:59🔗 Caller Yeah.

16:00🔗 Adam Looks a little like Stacey Keech.

16:02🔗 Drew Yeah, hey, not that bad.

16:03🔗 Adam Yeah, no, I mean, you know, 20 years.

16:05🔗 Drew Yeah.

16:05🔗 Adam I'm talking Mike Hammer days.

16:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

16:08🔗 Adam Go ahead, Chris.

16:09🔗 Caller Hey, what's up, man? I'm calling out of St. Louis. I just got like a couple of questions to ask you guys some really important advice here. My first question is that this one girl I've been going on a few dates with, she takes medication for chlamydia.

16:26🔗 Drew No, she doesn't. No, she doesn't.

16:29🔗 Caller It was kind of weird, you know, that.

16:31🔗 Adam Now it's bogus. Oh, man.

16:34🔗 Caller I know.

16:35🔗 Drew Nice try, Chris.

16:36🔗 Adam Yeah.

16:36🔗 Caller STD, you know.

16:38🔗 Adam Talk about bad acting. Keanu Reeves is laughing his ass off right now. He's like, I didn't think there's an actor worse than I am. Oh, yeah.

16:44🔗 Drew It's Chris in St. Louis.

16:45🔗 Adam It's Chris from St. Louis.

16:47🔗 Caller No, no, no. Okay. Well, I mean, that's what she had told me.

16:50🔗 Adam Yeah.

16:50🔗 Drew Chris, there's no such thing as continuing, really. I mean, I guess they could give her tetracycline, but Chlamydia is treated with a single dose of an antibiotic.

16:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

17:00🔗 Drew So what do you talk?

17:01🔗 Caller I don't really know too much about STDs because I've never had any, but I mean, it's just that.

17:05🔗 Drew Why don't you just say it's a bogus call and you just want an excuse to call in and let's talk about Chlamydia?

17:10🔗 Caller No, it's not even that. I had two other questions for you guys. I wonder for sure if you want to answer them.

17:15🔗 Drew Let's hear the other two.

17:17🔗 Caller Okay, my other question is like, okay, I don't like using condoms is because, you know, I've never got used to it, but my way of like not getting a girl pregnant is by like, you know, orgasming by myself before I have sex with a girl. That way I don't do it while I'm having sex with her.

17:34🔗 Drew Perfect. So the semen is just sitting right there on the tip of the urethra and you deliver it right into the semen.

17:38🔗 Adam It slowly drips out.

17:39🔗 Drew Well done. Well done. Perfect.

17:42🔗 Caller No, no, no. I mean, I just thought, you know, maybe that'd be a good idea.

17:46🔗 Drew Hey, Chris, I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. That's what you do. The semen sits at the tip of the urethra. You put it into the vagina and deliver the sperm right there. It just comes swimming right off the tip. Good job.

17:57🔗 Adam All right. So Chris, that's a horrible, horrible idea.

18:00🔗 Drew Have you ever heard a doctor or anybody recommend that as a way to achieve birth control? No. Okay. Well, there's a reason for that. It's a horrible idea.

18:08🔗 Adam You didn't get last month's JAMA, to be fair.

18:10🔗 Drew I guess not.

18:11🔗 Adam Neighbor ripped it off out of the mailbox.

18:13🔗 Drew And chlamydia is something that's generally treated as a single dose of an antibiotic. It's azithromycin. It's easily curable. No big deal for men. Men get sort of painful urination and discharge. Women can get infertility, though.

18:24🔗 Adam What else you got, Chris?

18:26🔗 Caller And my third thing is that, I mean, I really like doing like the anal sex with a girl, you know.

18:33🔗 Drew Oh, without a condom, that's great.

18:35🔗 Adam Right.

18:35🔗 Caller Well, no, I mean.

18:36🔗 Adam With a condom.

18:38🔗 Caller I just really like doing that with a girl. And it's kind of hard for me to like really, you know, achieve orgasm like while having sex, you know, pulling out and everything, you know, unless there's the anal sex involved in that, you know. I mean, if it's straight up, you know, just having sex with a girl, you know, like vaginally, you know, I mean, it's just like your everyday thing, but.

18:55🔗 Drew It's what?

18:56🔗 Adam It's an everyday thing.

18:57🔗 Drew It's an everyday thing. I see.

18:59🔗 Adam Right.

18:59🔗 Caller I mean, you know, cause every girl is going to have sex like, you know, in this normal way. But I mean, there's some girls, there's a lot of girls that really don't like to do it, you know, in the ass, you know. And I say that- Hold on.

19:11🔗 Adam Let me, I'm writing as fast as I can here.

19:13🔗 Drew I'm gonna track this.

19:14🔗 Adam These pearls of wisdom. Just slow down for a second. You're saying every girl wants it in the ass? Or I'm saying, I'm gonna mishear that.

19:21🔗 Caller I'm just saying that.

19:22🔗 Adam Now I want it.

19:23🔗 Caller A lot of girls like it in the ass.

19:24🔗 Adam I see. Okay. So what percentage don't want it? What percentage do you think would have anal sex with you, Chris?

19:31🔗 Caller Maybe about like, about 30, 40%.

19:34🔗 Adam 30, 40%, all right. It's not bad.

19:37🔗 Drew How many, how many do you actually have to tie up to get them to do that?

19:40🔗 Caller Oh, I mean, I've never had to do that.

19:41🔗 Adam 40% is a decent banding game.

19:42🔗 Caller Unless they wanted me to, you know. Unless they were into like, bondage or something, you know, then of course I would do that.

19:47🔗 Adam What's going on? Junior college, Chris?

19:50🔗 Caller No, I was playing football at a college and I injured my back, so I came back home to St. Louis.

19:57🔗 Adam Where were you playing football?

19:59🔗 Caller I was playing football in the zoo. I was like, second string right tackle. I was just going in my freshman year and got a man for the flashback.

20:08🔗 Adam Yeah. All right, Chris.

20:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

20:14🔗 Adam You got some interesting thoughts?

20:15🔗 Drew It really is a serial de Berger act here.

20:17🔗 Adam Yeah. I need you to focus on your life and not on the ass. That's what I need to know.

20:23🔗 Drew I'm curious the way I got it done before. What is it about the the rare entry that is so compelling to him? I don't get that. What is it about that that is so intriguing for you, Chris?

20:33🔗 Adam I'm prepared to be blown away from, of course.

20:35🔗 Caller I think what it is with me is that I haven't met a lot of girls that like it in the ass, so whenever I come across a girl that does it, I'm just like hugely attracted to her. I'm like, all right, that's really cool, you know, and I'll get excited about it, and of course I'll do it, you know. And I mean, just the sensation of it, of course, is different, you know.

20:50🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. Well, listen, when you find a woman the rare diamond amongst the chunks of coal who want vaginal sex, you hang on to that, the rare brown diamond, you hang on to her with both hands and don't ever let go.

21:07🔗 Drew And when does that come up in the date? Is it over?

21:10🔗 Adam I'd say between the salad and the main course, usually. Or we get an appetizer. Yeah. Yeah.

21:16🔗 Caller Yeah.

21:18🔗 Adam All right, let's take a break.

21:19🔗 Drew Yes, I'm ready.

21:19🔗 Adam I need a shower. Let's see, just found out he was adopted, mad at his parents, waited too long.

21:27🔗 Drew Canadian.

21:28🔗 Adam All right, I got a choice of words for Adrian. We'll take a quick break, be right back after this.

21:38🔗 Caller To broadcast your problems to the public, Loveline will be right back.

21:55🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

21:57🔗 Caller Woo, hell yeah.

22:00🔗 Adam Loveline and Loveline, y'all.

22:03🔗 Drew Hey, something I forgot to say on the last segment. All callers who get on the air tonight who are 18 over get two tickets to see Cry Wolf. In theaters everywhere this Friday. You Lie, You Die. It's about a group of students who create an online murderer who comes to life and kills everybody.

22:17🔗 Adam I think that was Wolfman Jax.

22:20🔗 Drew You Lie, You Die?

22:20🔗 Adam If I'm lying, I'm dying.

22:22🔗 Drew And for those of you who get on the air and get the tickets, you'll be put in a drawing to go to Europe to see a block party.

22:29🔗 Adam Wow. That'll be awesome.

22:30🔗 Drew Yeah.

22:31🔗 Adam Where in Europe? Anywhere they're playing?

22:34🔗 Drew Anywhere they're playing. Look at that list.

22:35🔗 Adam It's all over the place. Wait a minute, Drew.

22:38🔗 Drew We could go.

22:39🔗 Adam I'm telling you, Wolfman Jax. Wolfman Jax's catchphrase was, If I'm lying, I'm dying.

22:47🔗 Drew Really?

22:48🔗 Adam This has the word wolf in it. Now nobody thinks they're clever because I'm the only man on the planet that would make that correlation or connection.

22:58🔗 Drew Unless he appears in this or something or?

23:00🔗 Adam No, it's how the subconscious works.

23:02🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

23:03🔗 Adam The person that thought of it thought, didn't realize that's what did it to him. All right.

23:08🔗 Drew Yep, you're right.

23:10🔗 Adam I'll tell you, during the break, we saw a picture of Ambrose Burnside, General Burnside.

23:15🔗 Drew That's where the word comes from?

23:16🔗 Adam And I'll tell you, this guy had sideburns like you've never seen before, baby. It was just like he took two otters and taped them to the side of his head. Did it just look like that? Took the tails and connected them to the front.

23:29🔗 Drew Yeah.

23:29🔗 Adam Connected them to the front. Yeah. No, it was like, yeah, it was really like if you just took two ferrets and you just scotch taped them to the side of your face and you took them, you took both tails and you just crossed them across under your nose.

23:40🔗 Drew It really looks like he's wearing a helmet that comes down over his nose.

23:43🔗 Adam All I'm saying is, is I want that guy running for president. He gets my vote. No shenanigans with that guy. He's all business. No, no, no, he's not going to his ranch in Crawford, Texas for 33 days, take himself a little summer vacation.

23:58🔗 Drew This guy can't see the ball.

24:00🔗 Adam So golf does he mean if he had a club, it'd be the shaft to be made of bamboo. I mean, this is a guy. Yes, this guy's up. That's he looks a golf club to him is a weapon. And that's about it. That's all he used off is to fend off intruders and to discipline his own own kin. It's not it's not going to be used for sport. This is a guy who's up every morning with the sun.

24:24🔗 Drew Having a constitutional.

24:25🔗 Adam Having a constitutional.

24:26🔗 Drew Firing off a cannon on his roof.

24:29🔗 Adam That's right. He's having a constitutional. Yeah. What what happened to the president? He died. What happened? Consumption. He even gets killed by an old disease.

24:39🔗 Drew And dropsy.

24:40🔗 Adam And dropsy. Abby?

24:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

24:45🔗 Adam You're dirty. Wait a minute. I want to talk to Adrienne for a second. Hold on a second. Adrienne?

24:51🔗 Drew Yeah. I keep losing. She's been on the hole forever. She dropped off a couple of hours ago.

24:54🔗 Adam Hang on. Hurry, Adrienne.

24:57🔗 Caller I'm in Toronto.

24:59🔗 Adam Yeah. What's up?

25:01🔗 Drew Wait, wait. How do you hear us? Wait, wait. How do you hear us in Toronto?

25:04🔗 Caller I used to listen to a station out of Buffalo, but I guess you're not on there anymore. So now I just download the shows off a website.

25:12🔗 Drew Thank you. We filmed the Olsen Twins film in Toronto. Everything gets filmed in Toronto.

25:16🔗 Caller I was actually in that.

25:18🔗 Drew You were in the film.

25:19🔗 Caller Yeah, well, just an extra, so not a big deal or anything.

25:21🔗 Drew Good times. We filmed it. A part of the last of my film was in a house out in a beautiful neighborhood in the outskirts.

25:27🔗 Adam Adrienne?

25:28🔗 Caller Yeah.

25:29🔗 Adam What's up?

25:30🔗 Caller I'm 23 years old, and I just found out I was adopted a couple of days ago.

25:39🔗 Adam How'd you find that out?

25:40🔗 Caller To confront my parents about it, yeah, because it's just kind of, you know, How'd you find out? Well, I guess since I've been little, we every Monday night, we have something called Family Home Evening. Before you ask, yeah, we're Mormons. And and I guess my dad kept like a journal and we were allowed to read the journal, but no one really ever did because it was just kind of gay.

26:05🔗 Drew You're Mormon, right?

26:07🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah, so yeah, I was reading.

26:10🔗 Drew It was gay to read the journal or gay to write the journal?

26:13🔗 Caller No, no, my dad wrote in it.

26:16🔗 Drew So I'm saying it was I think it was gay about it. All right. Keep going.

26:20🔗 Caller It's I mean, I just didn't bother reading it because I just thought it was kind of dumb, you know.

26:25🔗 Adam We used to do a thing every Friday night when I was growing up, where we would my dad would play the piano and we would all sit around. It's called family at the grand or fag. We used to call it. It's better times.

26:37🔗 Caller Yeah, better times.

26:38🔗 Adam But it'd be, you know, and on nights when my dad would work late and we couldn't do it, he would just yell fag off. We yelled fag off. That meant, you know, we weren't doing it that night.

26:49🔗 Drew So fagging was off.

26:50🔗 Adam Yeah, fag off. Yeah, it was awesome. Miss that guy. Oh, wait a minute. He's alive. Yeah, go ahead, Adrian.

26:59🔗 Caller Yeah. So a few days ago, I saw the journal. I was like, oh, heck, I'll read it and just kind of, you know, read about some of the things like that I wrote. And one of the things was about going through the adoption process of adopting me. And, you know, since then, I've just been so, I don't know, weirded out by it. I don't know what to do.

27:18🔗 Caller And I don't know why.

27:19🔗 Adam Why? Why? I don't know if I would tell my kid he was adopted if I doubted him.

27:24🔗 Drew Well, did you tell them you found this or upset about it?

27:28🔗 Caller No, I still haven't confronted them about it.

27:32🔗 Drew Hmm. Maybe they thought they had told you. Maybe as a kid they told you and you dropped it.

27:37🔗 Adam You know what I think? I think there's a window. I think there's a window that you need to tell your children by somewhere between the age of, who knows, 12 and 18. And if you don't do it in that window, and I would put it off too, then all of a sudden the kid's, you know, in the second year of college and it's weird now.

27:55🔗 Drew Yeah.

27:55🔗 Adam And you're scared he's going to freak. And now at this point, you just rationalize, look, this is just better. Forget it. Yes?

28:02🔗 Drew Yeah, you're right.

28:04🔗 Adam You know, people get, people get obsessed with this. Here's the thing you need to know. Your biological dad just banged your biological mom and wasn't around. I'm playing the odds. Your biological mom was a teenager who, you know, a light amphetamine problem, at best had a light problem with speed and at worst was just a prostitute. You owe these people nothing. You finding these people would be a horrible disappointment to you.

28:33🔗 Drew There was a mitzvah that they handed you off to these wonderful people who are your parents.

28:36🔗 Adam Yes, and ironically, definitely not Jews, but because they're Canadian and they get the kid up for adoption and they're pregnant. Right. The real, the real, no, I mean the biological parents. The point is, is you're going to become obsessed with this and the worst, depending on how your life goes, if your life goes great, you won't be obsessed with it because people that have great lives don't become obsessed with things that happened in the past. I think people have horrible lives, hang on to them and just just squirrel them away. They become prized possessions, these things from the past, and they nurture them and they water them and they feed them and they cultivate them. So move forward. All right.

29:18🔗 Drew We can't hear it.

29:19🔗 Adam All right. Well, it's powerful words anyway. Anyway, anyway, do it.

29:23🔗 Drew It's good that we have a national radio show where we can't hear the call. It's nice.

29:26🔗 Adam Well, to be to be fair, it's only been going on about eighteen months, or maybe two and a half years. Abby? You're thirty? Turn your radio down please.

29:42🔗 Caller Yeah, it's down.

29:44🔗 Adam All right.

29:44🔗 Drew What's your question?

29:47🔗 Caller I just got diagnosed with some cervical dysplasia.

29:59🔗 Drew Right. What's the question?

30:00🔗 Adam Oh, dysplasia could be a great name for one of David Allen Grier's black kids.

30:05🔗 Caller It's precancerous dysplasia.

30:06🔗 Drew Right, right, right. Yes.

30:08🔗 Caller What's the question? So they want to freeze it.

30:14🔗 Drew Right. You have to have that. It will turn into cancer if you don't.

30:17🔗 Caller But this other woman who had cancer of the cervix just took vitamin E and told me that it went away.

30:26🔗 Drew No, no. Impossible. Either she didn't have it or she's going to die of cervical cancer.

30:33🔗 Adam You're the man, man. I mean, you're in the hip pocket of the drug companies, man. I mean, you're just trying to move some poison so you can keep your big house.

30:44🔗 Caller I was, when I was younger, I was raped and got dysplasia and they didn't give me...

30:49🔗 Drew No, you got the wart virus that causes recurrences of dysplasia. They can come and go and there are different degrees.

30:55🔗 Caller I think it did a hyposcopy and it went away.

30:58🔗 Drew I never, ever came up with that. It can go away and there are various different ways of classifying it, but some are more serious than others and some have to be taken out and will be very likely to go on to cancer.

31:10🔗 Caller But they literally gave me this option of like, Do you want to freeze it or do you want to come back in three months and see if it went away?

31:18🔗 Drew Well, then you take the option. If you want to be more conservative, both are reasonable approaches. I think going back in three months is fine. It does sometimes go away, but there are certain ones that have to be taken out. So this is clearly on the fence. If it progresses after three months, then you take it out.

31:33🔗 Adam All right, you're ready to keep a rock in here, Drew?

31:35🔗 Drew Yeah, I mean, it's not like they're withholding information. They're people that spend people a lot smarter than you and I, who dedicate thousands of careers to studying this stuff, to give best practices so people don't die of cervical cancer.

31:46🔗 Adam Well, what about vitamin E?

31:49🔗 Drew Yeah, vitamin E has been completely now debunked, they're saying no one should be taking it.

31:54🔗 Adam Well, none of that crap works for anything. You gotta get medicine, baby.

32:00🔗 Drew Unless... You're fighting a very profoundly abnormal physiology.

32:04🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing, here's the deal. If you have a made-up disease, then you can take a made-up remedy. You can take some of that holistic BS and it cures things that you don't really have. If you really have something, then you gotta take the man's powder. That's how it works. The people that claim to be cured by the holistic stuff or the nature stuff or all that crap, they never had anything in the first place. You actually have something, you gotta see somebody and you gotta take the man's medicine. That's what I don't understand. It's easy.

32:36🔗 Drew South Park did such a great episode on that. I think Stan got kidney failure. They were treating him with all the stuff and he finally starts dying. They go, we're not doctors. I mean, what do you expect? What do you mean? You can't pretend that you're treating people for conditions. You have no idea.

32:56🔗 Adam That's Western medicine, man. In the Orient, they treat the mind. You understand? Because that's where it emanates from. You're calling your rectal cancer. It starts up here, man. It's in your mind. She takes me. Hey, you drinking green tea? You're drinking green tea?

33:19🔗 Drew Of course.

33:20🔗 Adam You get a coffee enema?

33:23🔗 Drew Oh, yeah, sure.

33:24🔗 Adam All right.

33:24🔗 Drew I'm lining up.

33:24🔗 Adam You're cured. Yeah. Yeah. Same with AIDS. None of that AZT.

33:30🔗 Drew AIDS isn't caused by any viruses. Right. I read the Spin magazine from five years ago. It was on and on about it.

33:37🔗 Adam Sure. Sure. They know what they're talking about.

33:39🔗 Drew What was that magazine that just went on about?

33:42🔗 Adam I don't know.

33:43🔗 Drew Conspiracy behind AIDS. Yeah.

33:45🔗 Adam Yeah. No. You know they know what they're talking about when it comes to sound of medical advice because in the back of the magazine, they advertise wicker baskets you can hang from the ceiling and pork your girlfriend from. So come on, Drew. Come on. And supplements to make your boobs bigger. Come on.

34:03🔗 Drew And it's so interesting. Why would you trust doctors when you broke your leg and needed a surgery, but not when your kidneys are failing?

34:08🔗 Adam I'll tell you why you trust a doctor when you get a compound fracture because you actually have something.

34:14🔗 Drew That they can see they don't understand the stuff they can't see, they can fantasize about.

34:17🔗 Adam Yeah.

34:18🔗 Drew And think they understand. Yeah, that's right.

34:19🔗 Adam Yeah. Let me ask you. Let me just riddle me this, everybody. You want to talk about Western medicine, you want to talk about the man, you want to talk about the holistic thing or the wisdom of the Orient. When a world leader gets sick somewhere else, where do they fly them to? Yeah? Bok Choy? You idiots? They fly them here, because we got the goods, because they're sick. That's why they come here. When they got a split conjoined twins, where do they go? They go to the Orient? No, they come here, because we know what the F we're doing. It's not because we rub leaves together, it's because we have people that read books and conduct surveys and do studies and have, spend lifetimes working on this. Retards, I dare all of you. And by the way, don't do me any favors. You take all your holistic crap and I'll see you in the ground.

35:16🔗 Drew Enjoy.

35:16🔗 Adam Enjoy. Jennifer? Yes. Yeah, and by the way, as I've said many times, what happened to all the people that got AIDS that went the holistic route? Where are they? And by the way, they didn't do it. They wanted AZT. They just wanted it to be free, but they wanted AZT.

35:34🔗 Drew No, I had a bunch of patients that died.

35:36🔗 Adam Because they went, they didn't do it.

35:37🔗 Drew They freaked out and wouldn't do anything. Yeah, they just died.

35:40🔗 Adam But Drew, what about the wisdom of the Orient? Come on, buddy. Idiots. Jennifer?

35:45🔗 Caller Yes, hi.

35:46🔗 Adam 23?

35:48🔗 Caller Hello?

35:49🔗 Adam Yeah, what's up?

35:50🔗 Caller Oh yeah, I'm 23. I am five months pregnant and a week and a half ago, I started getting, like I went to the restroom and I had like blood in like, when I wiped the tissue, like I was bleeding, but not like a thick blood. So I went to the hospital and they did like an ultrasound and they did everything and it winded up that I had a bladder infection, which is my second bladder infection since I've been pregnant.

36:14🔗 Drew That's not good.

36:16🔗 Caller Not good?

36:17🔗 Drew Why?

36:17🔗 Adam Why is that bad?

36:19🔗 Caller I've never had bladder infections ever.

36:21🔗 Drew Obviously, the mechanics of your bladder function are completely altered by the pregnancy, as is your immune system for that matter, but bladder infections can put the pregnancy at some risk. So it needs to be attended to, most definitely.

36:33🔗 Caller And I've been on antibiotics for like a week and a half now, and I go see like my OB-YGN doctor next week.

36:40🔗 Drew OB-YGN?

36:42🔗 Adam I have trouble with that too. You know why I don't like OB-GYN? Because it's OB-GYN. You should be spelling out all the letters.

36:53🔗 Drew Obstetrics gynecologist?

36:56🔗 Adam Yeah.

36:58🔗 Drew O-B-S-T-E-R-I-C-K-

37:00🔗 Adam No, no, I just, here's what I'm saying. There's not many words where you do, where you have an abbreviated version of two words, like you say NATO. Do you know what I'm saying?

37:13🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm just trying to-

37:14🔗 Adam You don't say N-A-T-O.

37:16🔗 Drew You know, in medicine we do a lot, we say ortho, we say internal med.

37:19🔗 Adam All right, all right. But you know what I mean? Not too many things where-

37:22🔗 Drew Psych.

37:22🔗 Adam Well, you say ortho, but you don't say O-R-T-H.

37:26🔗 Drew We might say-

37:27🔗 Adam This is O-B-G-Y-N. It's weird. You should say ob-guy.

37:32🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

37:33🔗 Adam Like ortho.

37:35🔗 Drew Yeah, you should, I mean, you should actually say it.

37:37🔗 Adam You should say it. Cause you think it stands for something when you say the letters.

37:43🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, you're right. Like it's an acronym.

37:45🔗 Adam Yeah.

37:46🔗 Drew Right.

37:47🔗 Adam Like NATO. Jennifer?

37:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

37:52🔗 Adam All right, what were you saying?

37:53🔗 Caller And so I've been taking my antibiotics for like a week and a half. The first blood infection, this wasn't like any blood or any weirdness or anything, but I'm still bleeding. And I'm almost like today's the last day that I take my antibiotics.

38:06🔗 Drew You need to go back and get a repeat culture for sure. Soon, maybe tonight.

38:12🔗 Adam I'll do it in the morning. Okay, don't freak her out. Let's take a break. I can't stop thinking about lesbian girlfriend. She left to get married.

38:20🔗 Drew It's a good one, huh?

38:21🔗 Adam Yeah, it seems good. Kristen?

38:24🔗 Caller Yes?

38:25🔗 Adam You can't stop thinking about your lesbian girlfriend?

38:29🔗 Caller Yes.

38:30🔗 Adam That you left to get married to a man?

38:33🔗 Caller Yes.

38:35🔗 Adam Hang on. That's solid as sears. Take a quick break. It's a throwback call, Drew. Yes. We'll be right back after this.

38:47🔗 Caller Call 1-800-LOVE-191.

38:49🔗 Operators are standing by.

38:51🔗 Caller Love Line will be back in a minute.

38:53🔗 Caller Love Line is brought to you by the iPod Nano. Apple has done it again. They took everything you love about the iPod and shrunk it.

38:59🔗 Check it out at apple.com.

39:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

39:12🔗 Drew Yeah. It's Love Line. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1 and all callers. 18 or over, get on the air tonight. We'll receive two tickets to see Cry Wolf by a group of mischievous students that exploit the news of a recent murder. They put an online sort of spoof together and the online killer comes to life.

39:28🔗 Adam Well, you don't monkey around.

39:30🔗 Drew Not with stuff online. You don't email something, don't expect it to actually come to life or to pass.

39:34🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah.

39:34🔗 Drew And everyone who wins gets to qualify as to win a trip to see Block Party. They did the movie soundtrack anywhere in Europe. This Friday, it is in theaters everywhere. You lie, you die.

39:43🔗 Adam You know, I miss movies where stuff used to get hit with lightning and it would animate. It would come to life.

39:54🔗 Drew There were different things. There were meteors with radiation.

39:56🔗 Adam Yeah, radiation. But it used to be that if you were working on something, all it would take is a good lightning strike to sort of zap it into life.

40:04🔗 Drew Yeah.

40:05🔗 Adam And I think about the people who have actually been hit with lightning, who don't have use of the right side.

40:10🔗 Drew Or dead.

40:11🔗 Adam Or dead. But even more comical, they would be like, who is hit by lightning?

40:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

40:18🔗 Adam It must be offensive every time they watch one of these movies. Who gets hit by lightning and animate. Meanwhile, they're at six years of rehab to learn how to use, hold a pen in the right hand again, you know?

40:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

40:30🔗 Adam Yeah. I think lightning is a second only to radiation in what it actually does versus what it does in the movie.

40:36🔗 Drew Right. And then be fair, it's really television that screwed it up, not movies so much.

40:40🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

40:42🔗 Drew All right.

40:42🔗 Adam You ready to rock, Drew?

40:43🔗 Drew Yep.

40:44🔗 Adam Let's talk to Kristen. Kristen?

40:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

40:48🔗 Adam 25. Can't stop thinking about lesbian girlfriend. You're in a lesbian relationship.

40:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

40:56🔗 Adam And you broke it off.

40:57🔗 Drew How long were you in that relationship?

40:59🔗 Caller I was in a relationship about a year.

41:02🔗 Adam And who broke up with whom?

41:05🔗 We kind of, I know no relationship was ever really a mutual breakup, but it was kind of like she found the guy that she likes and I found the guy I like, so we kind of just like whatever.

41:15🔗 Adam So you guys were just hanging out. I mean, just sort of.

41:18🔗 Drew You weren't committed lesbians.

41:20🔗 Adam I mean, just doing your thing until a guy came around and someone with a paycheck showed up.

41:24🔗 Drew With her penis or both. OK. At the nail.

41:32🔗 I don't know. The man I married was my best friend, so I don't know.

41:37🔗 Adam So he wasn't here.

41:38🔗 Drew I need a lot of information. My Christian, I'm not sure it is. I'm not sure we can do that.

41:41🔗 Adam You married your best friend. Were you OK? Were you ever abused?

41:46🔗 Drew Yes.

41:47🔗 Adam No, you didn't have to say yes. When I hear one, one thousand, one thousand. Here's how it goes.

41:53🔗 Drew Were you sexually abused?

41:54🔗 Adam One, one thousand. The answer is always yes, because you're angry and you have to do that weird thing that makes me angry when you give the three Mississippi before every goddamn answer.

42:04🔗 Drew All right, so you're abused and screwed with your sense of your sexuality, boundary problems, used to chaos, probably selected some bad guys along the way, got brutalized by them.

42:14🔗 Adam And married your best friend and now you're bored because this guy's a nice guy. Right.

42:19🔗 Drew You gotta sabotage this one by bringing the lesbian back.

42:22🔗 Adam Yeah, start fantasizing about the old relationship and that's going to destroy this relationship.

42:27🔗 Drew Perfect. Well, there you go.

42:29🔗 Adam Why don't you just do it though so you don't, you know, sort of get it over with.

42:32🔗 Caller Yeah.

42:34🔗 Drew Don't prolong the agony. No, no, he's kidding. Why did you get some treatment so you don't keep injecting chaos into your relationships? You can't hang with the lesbian, you can't commit to her, you can't commit to the guy. It's all your abuse history.

42:48🔗 Adam Do you have kids?

42:49🔗 Caller Oh, please. I have two.

42:50🔗 Drew Oh my God.

42:52🔗 Adam Two, from this guy?

42:54🔗 Caller Yes.

42:55🔗 Caller Really? Yes.

42:57🔗 Adam How the hell did that work? How long have you been married?

43:01🔗 Caller Three years.

43:02🔗 Adam Three years? And, okay, so-

43:06🔗 Drew How dare you even think about-

43:07🔗 Adam You can't even entertain this with kids, goofball. You gotta get some help. Who abused you?

43:14🔗 Drew My dad.

43:14🔗 My babysitter when I was about eight.

43:17🔗 Drew Nice.

43:18🔗 Adam One time?

43:20🔗 Caller It was about a two-year thing.

43:22🔗 Adam Okay. That's why you're so angry. You're going to F up your kids royally. Get some therapy, sweetie.

43:28🔗 Drew Please, on their behalf.

43:30🔗 Adam Okay.

43:31🔗 Drew All right. There we go.

43:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

43:32🔗 Drew All right.

43:34🔗 Adam The three-second rule never disappoints with people that were sexually abused or physically abused.

43:40🔗 Drew She had an extra one one thousand at the end there.

43:42🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, kicking the nuts on her way out.

43:45🔗 Drew Right.

43:46🔗 Adam No, that's it. People and people want to know how we know.

43:50🔗 Drew How do they make us feel?

43:52🔗 Adam You put on a set of headphones and listen to a thousand people a year, you'll start categorizing them very quickly. Very. And guess what? You can't help it. That's all your brain does. They tell you, no, no, no, quit profiling. Your brain can't stop profiling. That's all it does. You put headphones on, you start listening to different voices from around the country, your brain starts categorizing. It just starts filing. And then when it hears one that reminds it of another one, it makes a connection. And before you know it, you have a whole assload in one pile. That's all you do naturally. To tell you not to do that is to just tell you to die.

44:32🔗 Drew You can be more enlightened because you can stop profiling. Adam, you profile everybody.

44:36🔗 Adam Yeah, kiss my ass.

44:37🔗 Drew Everyone's an individual. How dare you? Everyone's an individual and everyone's different.

44:41🔗 Adam Yeah, we're all different. Yeah, it's just like we are physiologically.

44:45🔗 Drew Right, I can't study medicine because everyone's different.

44:47🔗 Adam No, no two bypass surgeries are the same.

44:50🔗 Drew No, because everyone's an individual.

44:51🔗 Adam No, it's no use conducting, it's no use doing experiments on people because we're all biologically different.

44:57🔗 Drew Antibiotics for pneumonia, they're completely different for each person.

45:00🔗 Adam So yeah, oh, and the hernia operation and procedure, you're at one million percent different between the both of us. Same with the Lasik surgery when they do that, different person, different aisles. Yeah. So if all that's exactly the same, doesn't it stand to reason that the thing that is actually made of tissue that is running this machine, the brain, namely your brain, all functions the same way too. Of course. How could it not would be my question. What's everyone so stupid for?

45:35🔗 Drew Take a break.

45:36🔗 Adam All right. Who are we going to talk to when we come back?

45:39🔗 Drew I'm not sure.

45:40🔗 Adam Blood in the urine. Dating 34 year old, think about marrying. Kelly, male, older. I don't trust dudes named Kelly. They're usually pretty cool. Kelly.

45:53🔗 Caller What's up, guys?

45:54🔗 Adam You think about marrying your 34 year old girlfriend?

45:58🔗 Caller I wouldn't mind.

46:00🔗 Adam Does she have kids?

46:01🔗 Caller Yes.

46:02🔗 Caller 16 year old brother.

46:03🔗 Caller No.

46:05🔗 Drew Maybe. No.

46:08🔗 Adam Put her on layaway. Layaway.

46:11🔗 Caller You know what I'm saying?

46:13🔗 Adam Just checking off the calendar. Just checking off the date until even 18th birthday, sweetie pea.

46:18🔗 Drew Cha-ching at the nail.

46:20🔗 Adam It's taking you out.

46:22🔗 Caller All right.

46:22🔗 Adam Let's take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

46:26🔗 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

46:28🔗 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

46:31🔗 Caller One call is all you need to make.

46:33🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

46:34🔗 Caller 877-889-DATE.

46:36🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

46:56🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Love Line. I'm Adam Nets, Dr. Drew, for number 1-800-L-I-N-G. Ready to rock here, Drew?

47:07🔗 Drew Let's go. Dr. Jason, what?

47:09🔗 Adam Dodson DNA, PCR, what's PCR?

47:12🔗 Drew Polymerase Chain Reaction.

47:13🔗 Caller Ah, HIV, you want to talk about that?

47:15🔗 Drew Yeah, sure.

47:16🔗 Caller All right.

47:17🔗 Caller Hello? Carlos?

47:18🔗 Drew Hey, Carlos.

47:19🔗 Caller Hey, Dr. Drew.

47:21🔗 Drew What's up?

47:22🔗 Caller I had a question. I've been listening to you guys for a while. I was recently exposed, say around about late July, around 28th. I got very sick. I thought I was infected with HIV. I had a PCR DNA test, which was negative at 20 days and another one at 36 days. Cool.

47:50🔗 Adam Are you a paramedic?

47:52🔗 Caller No, the doctor, I did a lot of research online and it said it could detect early detection of HIV.

47:59🔗 Adam No, that's not what I mean.

48:01🔗 Drew How did you get exposed?

48:02🔗 Adam How did you get exposed?

48:03🔗 Caller Through oral sex with a female, which I am probably 80% possibility that she, she's a big meth user and I think suspect she might have HIV. I mean, I caught all the symptoms, flu, fever, diarrhea, it persisted with the first symptoms where sore throat and stuff like that.

48:24🔗 Drew This is from you giving her oral sex?

48:27🔗 Caller Yes.

48:27🔗 Drew Okay. All right, there you go. So it's a good thing, did you, but it put you on antiviral medication?

48:33🔗 Caller Yes, they did on a lot of it.

48:36🔗 Drew Interesting.

48:37🔗 Caller All right.

48:37🔗 Drew How long are you gonna stay on it for?

48:39🔗 Caller Excuse me?

48:40🔗 Drew How long are you gonna stay on it?

48:43🔗 Caller I actually just stopped taking it because I had a recurrent sore throat.

48:48🔗 Drew How long did you take it for?

48:49🔗 Caller I took it for two weeks first after, yeah, two weeks. And then I got off of it. Then I got another throat infection. They called it tonsillitis and then I was on it again.

49:02🔗 Drew They called it tonsillitis because that's what it was.

49:04🔗 Adam Yeah.

49:05🔗 Drew All right.

49:05🔗 Adam So, Drew, if you suspect you've been exposed to HIV now, let's say you're a health care worker. They'd give you a junkie stabbed you with something.

49:14🔗 Drew Right. They would give you antiviral medication to suppress the viral infection in the first place.

49:19🔗 Adam Because they don't want it to take hold.

49:21🔗 Drew Exactly.

49:22🔗 Adam And they would give you this for how long?

49:25🔗 Drew That I don't know.

49:26🔗 Adam Okay.

49:26🔗 Drew Don't know.

49:28🔗 Adam Well, I admire your candor and stupidity. Michelle?

49:32🔗 Drew I'm looking up for the break to figure it out.

49:34🔗 Adam Not interested. That ship sailed, Pinsky.

49:37🔗 Drew Michelle, what's up?

49:39🔗 Caller Hi.

49:40🔗 Caller I was wondering what exactly is the difference between somebody that really just enjoys sex and has a desire to be extremely sexually active and actually being addicted to sex?

49:54🔗 Drew It's really-

49:55🔗 Adam Consequences, I would say.

49:56🔗 Drew Consequences and history. In other words, did you have a trauma history? And are you starting to put yourself in harm's way now as a result of the sexual behaviors?

50:06🔗 Caller Okay. Well, I started having sex when I was 12 and-

50:10🔗 Adam Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

50:13🔗 Drew Okay.

50:15🔗 Caller And I'm 21 now and I find myself just kind of in situations that I wouldn't ever think that I would be in. Or maybe, you know, for instance, I just had a threesome with a married couple, which I haven't expected. And nor did I necessarily want to do, but I would. Um, I had to, I don't know.

50:40🔗 Adam Well, what happened? What, uh, how'd that work? What'd the chick look like? What'd you do? Did you have sex with the guy?

50:47🔗 Caller Yes.

50:48🔗 Adam Oh, my God.

50:49🔗 Drew Didn't the wife get a little upset about that?

50:52🔗 Caller Not at the time, but I'm not sure. I haven't really talked to them since.

50:56🔗 Adam Where was the wife when you were physically having intercourse with the husband?

51:04🔗 Caller On the bed with us.

51:05🔗 Adam And what was she doing?

51:08🔗 Caller Well, part of the time she was watching, and another part of the time we were interacting.

51:15🔗 Adam Oh, giving her an oral, huh?

51:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:20🔗 Adam And what'd she look like?

51:23🔗 Drew You keep asking that.

51:24🔗 Adam I don't want to know.

51:26🔗 Drew I'm trying to get it straight.

51:27🔗 Caller It's for later. Do you really want to know?

51:30🔗 Adam Later, like next break.

51:31🔗 Drew Okay.

51:32🔗 Adam Not later tonight.

51:33🔗 Drew I got it.

51:33🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying? I can talk about 14 minutes. Yeah, what'd she look like?

51:40🔗 Caller I don't know. She's like five, four. She has huge...

51:45🔗 Caller Oh, oh, oh.

51:48🔗 Caller Thin.

51:49🔗 Adam Thin?

51:50🔗 Caller Yeah, she's pretty thin, yeah.

51:53🔗 Adam With huge cans?

51:54🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah, very much so.

51:56🔗 Adam We gotta break. I'm serious. Why do we always break late? Do we always break late, Drew? We're always up against it. You know what I mean? We're always chasing it on this show. You know, they tell me, stop running late.

52:11🔗 Drew And turn on a new Relief. Tonight, we're gonna break 25 minutes early.

52:15🔗 Adam Well, OK, but hold on. Because we're always supposed to break at 1120, right?

52:23🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

52:24🔗 Adam But I always go to like 1127.

52:26🔗 Drew So and we've been doing that for years.

52:29🔗 Adam We shouldn't even have come in tonight.

52:31🔗 Drew You should go home right now.

52:33🔗 Adam Or just just to the car.

52:35🔗 Drew Bathroom.

52:38🔗 Adam Want to find, you know, just kind of get clear my head.

52:42🔗 Caller You know what I mean?

52:44🔗 Adam It's kind of I've had a long day, you know, and I want to What are you talking about? I'm under a lot of stress.

52:50🔗 Drew I know.

52:50🔗 Adam And I just need to, you know, I just need to sort of clear my head a little bit. That's all.

52:54🔗 Drew Maybe let's talk to Michelle Lamar after the break or it's right back.

53:00🔗 Adam Why don't we talk you're off? Is there speaker in that bathroom? Is it the shows piped in there?

53:07🔗 Drew Yeah, I could keep talking to her. You go to the bathroom. Yeah, there's a delay though. So, yeah, you could ask a question and run the bathroom.

53:19🔗 Adam Well, hold on. We're like a six second delay.

53:21🔗 Drew Seven second delay.

53:22🔗 Adam Seven seconds?

53:23🔗 Drew Perfect for you.

53:24🔗 Adam Let me try this.

53:25🔗 Caller Let me try this.

53:26🔗 Adam All right, Michelle.

53:27🔗 Drew Yes. Yeah, I'm taking his headphones off. So, we can't hear you yet. Wait, what do you want to ask her?

53:32🔗 Adam It's a two-parter.

53:33🔗 Drew Okay.

53:36🔗 Adam What was her cup size and how big were her areolas?

53:40🔗 Drew Okay, here you go. He left the room. Go ahead.

53:45🔗 Caller Double D?

53:46🔗 Drew Double D, uh-huh.

53:47🔗 Caller And her areolas are pretty good size.

53:53🔗 Drew Good size, like a saucer or a quarter?

53:58🔗 Caller Probably like a half dollar.

54:00🔗 Drew Half dollar. Well, Mr. Corolla will be back in about, let's see, 40 seconds. So, what was your question for tonight, by the way?

54:11🔗 Caller My question was, the difference be, I'm just wondering if I just have an extremely high sex drive or if I am actually addicted to sex.

54:20🔗 Drew Were you sexually abused growing up?

54:23🔗 Caller I was molested when I was five.

54:26🔗 Drew Well, there you go. But there you go. Unfortunately, Corolla's gonna come in here with a head of steam in a second and be very angry with me for having a... Oh, here it comes. Here it comes.

54:38🔗 Adam It's a little more than seven seconds.

54:40🔗 Caller You all right?

54:41🔗 Adam Yeah. Let's just keep it rolling. Is there any home improvement questions anyone has tonight? Also, automotive is something, you know, field I'm interested in. Let's keep it moving, Drew. I, you know what, I, you know, everybody with their nudity in there and rubbing on each other. I've had enough.

55:01🔗 Drew It's disgusting.

55:02🔗 Adam Let's see if we can help some people.

55:03🔗 Drew It's disgusting, right?

55:05🔗 Adam Well, it's not a goddamn adult bookstore running over here. We're trying to help some people. Does anybody have a bladder infection or somebody, so they have a tumor or again, a home improvement question would be nice. Break it up a little bit.

55:19🔗 Drew We could hear Mr. Greer and his neighborhood gang of kids.

55:24🔗 Adam Yeah, let me, let me hear Mr. Greer talk about that convert Drew's hormones into-

55:31🔗 Drew He's talking about the morning after pill and David Greer converted the names of the hormones into people's names.

55:38🔗 Adam Frank, black children.

55:42🔗 Caller Oh, he's got to look for it.

55:44🔗 Adam Drew brought up 18 times tonight.

55:46🔗 Caller Yeah, I know, but I had a certain preset in that country set last night.

55:49🔗 Adam Oh, okay. Oh, it's in, it's in, it's loaded up. You can figure out which one it is.

55:54🔗 Drew Got it?

55:54🔗 Adam No, Drew, don't do that.

55:56🔗 Drew Why do you do that? Because you're about to go, you're about to go to a call.

55:59🔗 Adam He'll tell us when he's got it.

56:00🔗 Drew Let's go to a call. He's got to find it.

56:02🔗 Adam Well, now he's got it.

56:03🔗 Drew 100 micrograms of ethanol estradiol, which is-

56:05🔗 Ethanol, estradiol, northendron, y'all get in the house.

56:08🔗 Drew It's the progesterone, it's the levonogestrel.

56:11🔗 And where is levonogestrel?

56:13🔗 Drew Or the northendron.

56:15🔗 Northendron, put that, put that wiffle ball back down. Come in the house.

56:20🔗 Caller Show behind, I'm sick of these kids, man.

56:25🔗 Adam I don't even like the long version of it too, where he's actually going to open house, disciplining the children. We've decided this is the funniest thing in the world.

56:35🔗 Drew We've ever done.

56:36🔗 Adam Yeah. And we didn't even do it. Anderson, when you're ready, tell us when you have the long version of that. Because I'd like to hear it.

56:43🔗 Drew Alright, so Michelle had been sexually abused and now she's sexually preoccupied. So this is the makings of sexual addiction, sexual compulsion, Michelle. And the problem is that it can be gratifying for a while if you're sort of biologists sort of geared up for this. The problem is that this is a house of cards you'll look back upon when it falls as not such a great thing. Like all my heroin addicts, very happy with heroin. They love it. That's why they're doing it. They love it. Right. But after a few years of that, things stop working out quite so well. Or 2 milligrams of norathendron.

57:16🔗 Adam Dave has a sister named Norathen.

57:17🔗 Drew Yeah. And again, take a dose of that now and a dose 12 hours later. That's what you need. There can also be the 100 micrograms of ethanol estradiol, which is the progesterone, the levonadestrille, Where's the levonadestrille? Or the norathendron.

57:36🔗 Norathendron. Put that whiffle ball back down. Come in the house.

57:41🔗 Caller Show behind. I'm sick of these kids, man.

57:45🔗 Norathendron what? What is it? Epidestrille?

57:49🔗 Adam Drew, what else might my tag name be?

57:56🔗 Drew Mephepristone. Mephepristone.

57:59🔗 I'm here to pick up Mephepristone. Mephepristone. Mephepristone, Mephistopheles. If you don't get into this dodd comment at the count of three, I will wear your behind out. And get Espiril, your sister, please.

58:17🔗 Drew Drew, what else you got? Norgestral.

58:20🔗 Norgestral. Norgestral. Did you take my beer can? Norgestral.

58:30🔗 Caller One more, Drew, if you want.

58:33🔗 Drew Well, Northendrone, that was the original one.

58:35🔗 It's got to be one more.

58:36🔗 Drew Come on.

58:37🔗 Adam Come on.

58:38🔗 Caller Oh, my God.

58:40🔗 Adam Anything. It could be for high blood pressure.

58:42🔗 Drew Noliparis.

58:44🔗 Caller Noliparis. You are my oldest son.

58:48🔗 Caller I have big.

58:51🔗 Caller Noliparis, please, please bring your bicycle in the back. Street lights is on.

59:00🔗 Caller David Allen Grier in studio.

59:04🔗 Drew Oh, my goodness.

59:05🔗 Adam I love that. He sounded like Esther Roll at a certain point.

59:11🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

59:11🔗 Adam He sounded like the mom from Good Guys.

59:13🔗 Drew We need to bring him right back. This is too good, right?

59:18🔗 Adam Yeah, but you know, there's a price to pay.

59:20🔗 Drew What?

59:21🔗 Caller You have to get moral?

59:23🔗 Adam You know, Dave.

59:23🔗 Caller You know, Drew, you were begging me to shut his mic half the night.

59:27🔗 Adam Yeah, how dare you, Drew?

59:28🔗 Drew I was begging you to shut his mic.

59:30🔗 Caller Hey, Eric Anderson, please shut it, please.

59:32🔗 Drew No, no, he was not about that stuff.

59:35🔗 Adam Not that night, other nights he comes in. Jason?

59:40🔗 Yeah.

59:41🔗 Adam You're 22?

59:42🔗 Caller Yeah, I am.

59:44🔗 Adam I've said it a hundred times over the last week. On my birthday.

59:50🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. No, Christmas, let's go, it's too late, but I can't wait till the birthday.

59:54🔗 Adam You were gonna show up with what at my house?

59:56🔗 Drew Stedman's Medical Dictionary.

59:57🔗 Adam Stedman's Medical Dictionary.

59:59🔗 Drew And the Physician's Desk Reference of Drugs.

1:00:01🔗 Adam Okay, is that enough?

1:00:04🔗 Drew Between the two of them, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, 6,700 pages of words.

1:00:09🔗 Adam 6,700 pages?

1:00:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:00:11🔗 Adam All right, that's just a start.

1:00:13🔗 Drew Yeah, but it'll be a good start.

1:00:15🔗 Adam And then David Alan Greer's coming over, and we're gonna convert every single name in that book to a black child's name.

1:00:22🔗 Drew Well, you have that karaoke set up.

1:00:25🔗 Adam I'm gonna put him on mic.

1:00:27🔗 Drew And there we go.

1:00:27🔗 Adam And that'll be it. Jason?

1:00:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:30🔗 Adam You're 22?

1:00:31🔗 Drew We're gonna film the whole damn thing now.

1:00:33🔗 Adam What's up?

1:00:35🔗 Caller Hey, I'll say about three and a half years ago, I had urinary tract infection, and I went to the doctor, I had some blood in my urine, and gave me some sulfur drugs, and it cleared up, but it kept coming back. And there had always been a certain degree of pain associated with it, but after a while, the pain just kind of went away, and I just had the blood. And so they went in for a surgical operation and just looked around at my bladder for some...

1:00:59🔗 Drew Well, they didn't do an operation. They did a cystoscopy on there, where they just took a scope and look around.

1:01:03🔗 Caller Uh-huh. Yeah.

1:01:06🔗 Drew I'm just so amused. I have to translate. People can't... It's funny though.

1:01:09🔗 Adam They didn't say surgical and operation.

1:01:12🔗 Drew Right.

1:01:12🔗 Adam Well, look, that's what people do. They use the hyperbole. They're like, oh man, I fell off my skateboard, split my head wide open, literally split it wide open, literally split my head open.

1:01:25🔗 Drew But what troubles me is I don't mind individuals doing this. I understand people talk that way, but that's the press now has become this too.

1:01:31🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:01:32🔗 Drew 10,000 people dead.

1:01:33🔗 Adam 10,000 in New Orleans.

1:01:34🔗 Drew Oh no, wait a minute, 412.

1:01:36🔗 Adam 412. It was like 197 or something last time.

1:01:40🔗 Drew How long have I been saying that?

1:01:42🔗 Adam Well, they do that with everything. People forget they did it with 9-11 too.

1:01:46🔗 Drew Yeah, but you know, there were still thousands of people dead. It's a different thing.

1:01:51🔗 Adam Well, yeah, there was, but there wasn't 8,000 people dead. There was 2,900 and changed dead. I mean, look, you're reporting news. You don't. Here's the thing. You know, you don't say the Dodgers won 26 to 3 when they won 4 to 3, and you don't say the, you know, Space Shuttle Columbia cost NASA 200 kazillion dollars when it cost 200 million dollars. You just you wait. You get the numbers. Yes. You can talk about catastrophes. You can talk about human toll and all that kind of stuff. But saying people think as many as 10,000, and that doesn't mean anything.

1:02:28🔗 Drew The mayor says 10,000. Who cares what the mayor says?

1:02:31🔗 Caller Hey, you guys notice that they sound almost disappointed when they're coming in with the low numbers?

1:02:36🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:02:37🔗 Adam Yeah, they are. Well, they're not only disappointed, they're so far from right. I mean, it's one thing to be off by 100 percent. It's it's it's it's it's another thing to be off by thousands of percentiles. You know, I mean, they're just way off.

1:02:51🔗 Drew And it was obvious they were.

1:02:52🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, it was obvious to anyone who who knows human nature to know that the people who evacuated themselves early on obviously were out of town and the ones that stayed behind were pretty much prepared to be flooded. They just went to the roof.

1:03:07🔗 Drew And not only that, but that it had there been thousands of people still missing, people would be desperate to find them. You would see people on TV every day begging for help.

1:03:17🔗 Adam Yeah, there's chaos, but not 10,000 people. I don't know why we do that and we never go low. And then we never go, well there may be up to 80 people dead. Turns out there's 197.

1:03:27🔗 Drew And by the way, 80 people, a lot of people dead by the way. That's a minimum. Enough for me.

1:03:31🔗 Adam Enough, and you'd be much closer.

1:03:33🔗 Drew In a city the size of that whole area, probably 100 people or so die every day, normally.

1:03:38🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:03:38🔗 Drew You know what I mean? So there's also that.

1:03:41🔗 Adam No, I don't know those statistics, but there are certain, in any given three day period in a large city, there's going to be 50 people just dying from whatever reason.

1:03:51🔗 Drew It's got to be more than that.

1:03:52🔗 Adam Yeah. It does?

1:03:54🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:03:54🔗 Adam All right.

1:03:55🔗 Drew And 100 people being born.

1:03:56🔗 Adam It's depressing. No, I mean, look, here's the deal. In a city that size, there're going to be a couple of people that die behind the wheel of an automobile. They're going to be a couple of people that get shot or stabbed, and they're going to be an s-load of people that just succumb to old age.

1:04:12🔗 Drew Every nursing home is going to have somebody die.

1:04:14🔗 Adam They're going to have somebody die.

1:04:15🔗 Drew Hundreds of nursing homes.

1:04:17🔗 Adam Right. So, deduct those. Thank you. All right. Jason?

1:04:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:04:23🔗 Adam Sorry buddy, go ahead.

1:04:25🔗 Caller That's all right. So, I mean, they did this procedure, and they didn't come up with anything, and it kind of went away for a while, but every now and then, I think maybe two or three times a year, I just get some blood in my urine, and I'm just wondering what's up with that.

1:04:37🔗 Drew It needs, it's a very, actually a complicated issue to work up thoroughly. You need to go back. You may need to see something called, you saw a urologist, that's the one that looked up there with the scope. Did you have an IVP test where they put some dye in your kidney?

1:04:50🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:04:51🔗 Drew Look for stones? Did they do an ultrasound?

1:04:53🔗 Caller Yeah, they did that, too.

1:04:54🔗 Drew Yeah. You may want to check in with the urologist again and ultimately see a nephrologist. Sometimes there can be specific kidney doctors.

1:05:01🔗 Adam Let's put that on the list.

1:05:02🔗 Drew And there can be specific, what you call disease of the nephron, of the actual units of the kidney, of the lamerular disease, of the tubular disease, and needs to be taken care of.

1:05:12🔗 Adam Yeah. Okay. Now, I walk around all day and I just like, I just think about words or names that David Allen Grier could convert into his black children.

1:05:23🔗 Drew I stood in front of my medicine cabinet. I have these samples that the drunken was giving. I just thought of that, all the names of the medicine. Imagine what he would do with it.

1:05:31🔗 Adam Yeah, and I'm like standing around and the producer would be like, we gotta do a rehearsal. And I'll be like, rehearsal? Nah, that's not good. And he'll be like, why? It doesn't sound right. What else you got? I don't know what you're thinking. That's me. Ah, we're doing a run through. Ah, too bumpy. We're looking for like three syllables. There's something better. That's not good. That doesn't flow. Yeah, I'm just, I just stare. I just stare it out.

1:05:58🔗 Drew Maybe he could just call in tonight. He could call in and do a little bit for us.

1:06:02🔗 Adam Dag, Dag's not listening. He's on top of some 17 year old.

1:06:05🔗 Drew Oh yeah, that's right.

1:06:06🔗 Adam Come on, buddy. You know how he works. We're going to take ourselves a quick break. When we come back, we're going to speak to Maggie. 15 year old cousin hits on her. Oh, creepy. Staying for the weekend. Oh, she's 19, sorry. 50 year old cousin hits on her, tells her parents. All right, she wants to know what to tell her parents. We'll talk to Maggie after this.

1:06:37🔗 Caller Love Line is brought to you by the iPod Nano. Apple has done it again.

1:06:40🔗 Caller They took everything you love about the iPod and shrunk it. Check it out at apple.com.

1:06:45🔗 Drew Hey, Adam, you heard about this new iPod Nano?

1:06:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:06:48🔗 Drew You excited?

1:06:48🔗 Adam I'm jumping out of my skin.

1:06:50🔗 Drew I'm excited. My kids are excited. My wife is excited.

1:06:53🔗 Adam I like the old iPod. I have like 10 of them.

1:06:55🔗 Drew No, I know.

1:06:56🔗 Adam The old iPod is the size of the Merrimack compared to this baby.

1:07:01🔗 Drew That's right. This thing is like the width of a number two pencil.

1:07:03🔗 Adam I know.

1:07:03🔗 Drew Up to a thousand songs or up to 25,000 photos, weighs ounce and a half.

1:07:08🔗 Adam Ounce and a half is nothing.

1:07:09🔗 Drew Another thing that's nothing, the price. They start at $199.

1:07:12🔗 Adam $199.

1:07:13🔗 Drew You can play a four-hour slideshow with music. Oh my God. You'll never leave your house now.

1:07:17🔗 Adam Slideshow with music?

1:07:18🔗 Drew Isn't that crazy?

1:07:19🔗 Adam I'm angry at the kids. What they have today. I had a viewmaster stare at the Grand Canyon and wept for four years. Yeah. Wow. $0.99 each. You can download all these iTunes songs. Two million songs to choose from. Oh, what a world. What a world we live in, bro.

1:07:37🔗 Drew Or transfer your CD collection into the iTunes. Sinks up with Mac or PC. It's amazing. I can die happy now.

1:07:42🔗 Adam Wow. All right. Why don't you do that?

1:07:54🔗 Drew Who's what?

1:07:57🔗 Adam Hey, it's the loveline of Adam and that's Dr. Drew. I have to laugh because I was thinking about the very famous comedy bit Abbott and Costello did, right? From the 40s?

1:08:10🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:11🔗 Adam Not the 30s.

1:08:12🔗 No, no.

1:08:12🔗 Adam The 40s.

1:08:13🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:14🔗 Adam Who's on first? Arguably the most famous comedy bit ever conceived.

1:08:20🔗 Yeah.

1:08:21🔗 Adam I would say.

1:08:22🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:24🔗 Adam Yes? All right. Now, I was thinking about who's on first the other day and realized conceptually it's horrible because there has to be a guy named Who and a guy named What and a guy named Because and a guy named I don't know.

1:08:40🔗 Drew Well, the opening thing is that there are all these goofy names for players.

1:08:44🔗 Adam Oh, they never do that part. Yeah.

1:08:46🔗 Drew Oh, no.

1:08:47🔗 Adam Well, do that part. Let me hear that part.

1:08:48🔗 Drew Well, Costello, I'm going to New York with you. Bucky Harris, the Yankees manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team. Costello says, look out, but if you're the coach, you must know all the players. And I certainly do. Well, you know, I've never met the guys, so you'll have to tell me their names, then I'll know who's playing on the team. No, I'll tell you the names, but you know, it seems to me these days, these players, they get very peculiar names. You mean funny names, strange names, pet names, like Dizzy Deem, his brother Daffy, Daffy Dean, their French cousin, French, Gouffey, Gouffey Dean?

1:09:12🔗 Adam Right.

1:09:12🔗 Drew Must have been some player names.

1:09:13🔗 Adam All right, so they do at least set it up a little bit, but the idea that people, that there's nobody named, in the world, named who or what or I don't know, means the bit's fundamentally flawed. That's all I'm saying. I was hanging out with Fred Willard once on a bus or an airplane or something like that, and he said, well, they used to do this bit with bands. They did a Who's On First with bands in like the 70s or the 80s, but they used the band The Who and then the Guess Who and then Yes.

1:09:48🔗 Drew This sounds familiar, yes.

1:09:50🔗 Adam And then so, you know, the concert promoter said, who's playing? And the guy said, guess who? And he said, I don't know. And then he said, and yes. And so are you agreeing with me? You know what I'm saying? It actually works because they're bands that had that name.

1:10:04🔗 Drew Yes.

1:10:06🔗 Adam This should not be the all time greatest comedy bit because there's nobody named who.

1:10:12🔗 Drew You're right.

1:10:12🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:10:13🔗 Drew Flawed.

1:10:14🔗 Adam You want to do the very beginning anyway, Drew? Go ahead buddy. And he doesn't have to look at it. He can do it from memory.

1:10:18🔗 Drew You're the manager? You're asking the fellow's name? Well, I should. Well, then who's on first? Yes. I mean the fellow's name. That's it. That's who. Yeah. So go ahead and tell me who's the guy on first. That's right. Listen, all I want to know is what's the guy's name on first base? No, no. What's on second base? I don't know. He's on third. So anyway, you go.

1:10:32🔗 Adam Yeah, go.

1:10:32🔗 Drew That's it as far as I can go.

1:10:33🔗 Adam All right. But good job. Not even reading, everybody. Dr. Drew. Dr. Who?

1:10:39🔗 Caller All right.

1:10:40🔗 Drew Hey, wait, wait, guys. Let me finish this thing. All callers get on the air tonight. We received two tickets to Cry Wolf. Bought some students to exploit the news of a recent murder. They create an online sort of mystery that comes to life and it kills everybody. And everyone who gets tickets will also qualify to win a trip to see Block Party anywhere they play in Europe. They're obviously on the soundtrack. And this Friday is when Cry Wolf opens in theaters everywhere.

1:11:03🔗 Adam You lie, you die. All right. Maggie?

1:11:07🔗 Yeah?

1:11:07🔗 Adam Nineteen.

1:11:09🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

1:11:10🔗 Adam Is the fifteen-year-old cousin who's a male?

1:11:13🔗 Yeah, like, yeah, he is aggressively hitting on me.

1:11:19🔗 Adam Now, give us an example of that.

1:11:21🔗 Caller What does he say? Yeah.

1:11:22🔗 All right. We went swimming.

1:11:24🔗 Caller We get back to the house.

1:11:26🔗 I go in my room to change and he follows me in there. I say, leave. He says, no. I say, leave. He says, no, let me watch you change. I say, no, you leave right now. He says, no, I'm not. Jumps on me and pins me to the bed.

1:11:41🔗 Caller Whoa.

1:11:42🔗 Grabs my boob and is like, no, come on, let me stay. Let me watch you change. And I'm like, no, get the... Sorry.

1:11:48🔗 Caller Get off of me.

1:11:49🔗 Drew I think he's all class. I'm just trying to put this guy...

1:11:52🔗 Adam I can't believe they're from the same family.

1:11:53🔗 Drew Yeah, I know. Just imagine what kind of the trailer looks like.

1:11:56🔗 Adam How dare you. Now, I do know what it's like to be 15 and just sort of out of my mind.

1:12:05🔗 Drew And some 15 year olds are even more than others. You know, they're just...

1:12:07🔗 Adam Oh, a little glimpse in the Drew's childhood, everybody. Passionate, passionate man. But at one point in his life, it was an unbridled passion. Could not be contained. Yes.

1:12:19🔗 Drew Yes. I said I'm memorizing comedy.

1:12:21🔗 Adam Not enough. Not enough mace in the world to hold back Drew's passion at 15. Maggie.

1:12:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:30🔗 Adam Please do not use the F word on the radio.

1:12:33🔗 I am very sorry.

1:12:35🔗 Drew You're fat. How dare you, Adam? How dare you stop and make this woman take a break?

1:12:39🔗 Adam What do you look like in a bikini?

1:12:43🔗 Um, I look fine, I think.

1:12:47🔗 Drew Adam, you have to leave again. Oh, no.

1:12:48🔗 Adam I mean, you know, you look good in a bikini.

1:12:52🔗 I'm about average.

1:12:54🔗 Adam All right.

1:12:54🔗 I mean, I could stand to lose 10 pounds, but I'm fine.

1:12:57🔗 Adam How much do you weigh?

1:12:58🔗 Drew Do you ever watch that show, Laguna Beach? Hold on.

1:13:00🔗 Adam How much do you weigh?

1:13:01🔗 Drew You've, Marcus is into it.

1:13:02🔗 Um, 140.

1:13:04🔗 Adam Okay. All right.

1:13:05🔗 Drew But you've watched that show?

1:13:06🔗 Adam No, I haven't seen Laguna Beach.

1:13:08🔗 Drew You're gonna get hooked on it. You gotta go see that same show.

1:13:09🔗 Caller It's the worst show on television.

1:13:10🔗 Adam The MTV show?

1:13:11🔗 Drew I disagree. It makes me cringe. It makes my skin crawl to watch it, but it's actually well done.

1:13:16🔗 Adam Yeah. I thought it was the real OC or whatever it was.

1:13:19🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:13:19🔗 Adam Same show?

1:13:20🔗 Drew It's called Laguna Beach.

1:13:20🔗 Caller It's embarrassing to be an American and have that show on.

1:13:23🔗 Drew Yes. I agree with you. I agree. It's a social commentary of the likes of which, I mean.

1:13:27🔗 Adam It's a reality show, right?

1:13:29🔗 Drew Yeah, but it's, you will love it. It's why the Taliban answers. You will love it. Yes, it is. Absolutely. Anderson, I totally agree with you.

1:13:35🔗 Adam Why? What goes on? Hot chicks?

1:13:38🔗 Drew Just watch. You just go watch.

1:13:39🔗 Adam Well, you know, ever since I took my last bathroom break, there's no interest in women anymore. Again.

1:13:46🔗 Drew Never again.

1:13:47🔗 Adam Yeah. 1-800-LOVE-191. We'll take your home improvement questions.

1:13:51🔗 Drew Adam declared, never again.

1:13:53🔗 Adam Never again.

1:13:53🔗 Drew Disgusting.

1:13:54🔗 Adam Disgust myself. Maggie. Yeah.

1:13:57🔗 Drew That was 10 minutes ago.

1:13:58🔗 Adam Yeah. Maggie, you need to discipline this guy. Yeah.

1:14:01🔗 Drew Where were his folks?

1:14:02🔗 Adam Who ran him out?

1:14:03🔗 Drew Absolutely. Why am I no?

1:14:06🔗 Adam Well, you know what you need to do? Now, here's what you need to do.

1:14:08🔗 Caller Okay. First off, he is up until now, he's been one of my favorite cousins and I don't want it. I'm trying to avoid making too huge of a deal out of this.

1:14:16🔗 Adam All right. Slow down.

1:14:17🔗 Caller Secondly.

1:14:18🔗 Adam I'll slow down. Slow down. Let me just say this. Said it before. When stupid people gather steam, they start swearing.

1:14:26🔗 Drew Yes. Right. Good point. Believe me, there was going to be an effort.

1:14:30🔗 Adam You know, my favorite, my favorite real would be stupid people dropping the F-bomb in front of judges in courtrooms once they got going. Do you know what I mean? Yes.

1:14:41🔗 Drew Absolutely.

1:14:42🔗 Adam When you're stupid, your mouth moves at 40 miles an hour and your brain moves at 25 miles an hour.

1:14:47🔗 Drew Well, you got to remember that when you're like that, F and S and those words, they're like commas and things. There's ways you punctuate what you're saying.

1:14:54🔗 Adam When you get going in front of a judge, you will drop the F-bomb, no problem at all. All right. Now, slow down, baby. He was your favorite cousin and then he hit puberty.

1:15:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:15:08🔗 Adam So, here's what you need to tell him if he does anything even close to this.

1:15:12🔗 Drew I mean, close, at least him touching you is not okay, Maggie.

1:15:17🔗 Adam Anything that's even remotely creepy, you say to him, look, you do anything and I'm just going to talk to your parents. That's it. End of discussion.

1:15:27🔗 Drew That may not even do any of this guy. If he's that out of control, I mean, I've carried your...

1:15:31🔗 Adam Well, jumping on you and grabbing your boob is sexual assault.

1:15:36🔗 Drew Yeah. That's a criminal behavior, basically.

1:15:39🔗 Caller I didn't think of it that way.

1:15:42🔗 Drew Well, that's the problem. You're not thinking...

1:15:43🔗 Adam Were you ever abused?

1:15:45🔗 Caller No. No, I wasn't.

1:15:46🔗 Drew You just don't be alone with this kid, and you'd be helping him if you alerted everybody to what's going on and sort of got together and tried to figure out what's going wrong.

1:15:55🔗 Adam Is he coming to spend the weekend?

1:15:58🔗 Caller Yeah. And I only see him, like, twice a year.

1:16:03🔗 Drew How is he related to you, exactly?

1:16:06🔗 Caller He is my grandmother's sister's grandson, so we're second cousins.

1:16:13🔗 Drew Grandmother's sister's grandson?

1:16:17🔗 Caller And he really iterates on it. We're not first cousins, we're second cousins. It's okay.

1:16:22🔗 Drew I'm not even sure that's second cousin. That's sort of like somebody lives in the same day. It's like calling a descendant of Eve, your second...

1:16:29🔗 Caller My cousin is creepy. End of story.

1:16:32🔗 Drew No, I'm just... No, that's fine, but it's creepy that they sort of tell you this is your cousin, too.

1:16:36🔗 Adam All right. Look, if he does anything, you tell somebody. That's all. Not give him the chance. I mean, you could talk to him.

1:16:44🔗 Drew Yes.

1:16:44🔗 Adam Yeah, look, you're 19, he's 15. Pull him aside and go, look, what happened last summer or whatever?

1:16:51🔗 Drew Ain't gonna happen again.

1:16:51🔗 Adam It ain't gonna happen again. And if it does, everyone's gonna know about it. Okay. Who do you want to talk to?

1:16:59🔗 Drew No, no, I'm sorry. Five.

1:17:00🔗 Adam Okay. Let's talk to Kelly. 23. Kelly.

1:17:05🔗 Caller Hey guys, what's going on?

1:17:07🔗 Adam What's, oh yeah. Kelly the dude. Dating the 34 year old.

1:17:11🔗 Caller Yep.

1:17:12🔗 Adam She's got two kids, did you say?

1:17:14🔗 Caller No, just one.

1:17:15🔗 Adam One. Oh, 16 year old. Hot. And she's 34.

1:17:20🔗 Caller Yeah. All right.

1:17:21🔗 Adam I already smell a little trouble. She's been divorced. Yes.

1:17:26🔗 Caller No.

1:17:27🔗 Adam No. No. She never got married. Okay. And where's the biological father?

1:17:35🔗 Caller Unknown.

1:17:36🔗 Drew What's the ques- unknown. What's the question?

1:17:39🔗 Caller I just, I was wondering about advice in relationships between people of such a different age group.

1:17:46🔗 Adam They're not that different.

1:17:47🔗 Drew Yeah. It's, I wonder more about sort of who you are as people. You know what I mean? I mean, it's just 34 and a 16 year old. How, what could she have a common with a 23 year old?

1:17:59🔗 Adam Well, whatever. They're in love.

1:18:02🔗 Drew Are you?

1:18:02🔗 Caller I emancipated myself at 15, so.

1:18:05🔗 Adam You emancipated himself. I did that in the bathroom about 20 minutes ago.

1:18:09🔗 Drew Yeah. I'm not sure.

1:18:11🔗 Adam Why did you emancipate yourself?

1:18:14🔗 Caller My mom's a drunk and my dad's a drug addict. All right.

1:18:17🔗 Drew Good job. Well, again, if there's if there's something in common here, that's fine. But it's just a little different stage of life and somebody with a kid and you're a young man. You're very young. But whatever. That's fine.

1:18:29🔗 Adam All right. Go for it. If you're in love and this is it, then go for it. Is there any reasons why you shouldn't?

1:18:36🔗 Caller I was just wondering for the age group difference, really.

1:18:39🔗 Adam It's not that big a difference. We've got a good career. I'm the manager. Yeah, you got careers. It's ten years, a few months. Let me say this, Drew. You know, there's a lot of guys who get cramped for, you know, dating or marrying or whatever out of their age range. And Michael Douglas gets a little cramped for Catherine Zeta-Jones. Oh, she's hot. And Tom Cruise for Katie Holmes and that kind of stuff. Do you know the guy who gets no cramp?

1:19:08🔗 Drew The young guy with the old girl?

1:19:10🔗 Adam The old. Well, he doesn't, but you know, doesn't get any crap either. No, no, man, specific celebrities. The guy gets under everyone's radar. No one. No one dares bring the word.

1:19:20🔗 Drew Timothy, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon.

1:19:24🔗 Adam No, she's older than he is.

1:19:25🔗 Drew That's what I'm saying. He never gets anything.

1:19:27🔗 Adam You decide it. No.

1:19:30🔗 Drew Drew, a young older guy with a younger girl.

1:19:34🔗 Adam Let's just recap.

1:19:35🔗 Drew An older guy with a younger girl.

1:19:37🔗 Adam Just please recap this so we can figure out how your brain works.

1:19:40🔗 Drew Here's what it was. I said a couple of times to you. You mean a younger guy?

1:19:43🔗 Adam I said no.

1:19:44🔗 Drew No, you didn't say no. No, no.

1:19:45🔗 Adam Look, I said, look, a lot of guys get crap in our society. Michael Douglas gets crap for dating Catherine Zeta-Jones and Tom Cruise for marrying. Tom Cruise gets crap for dating, you know, his older guys get crap for younger girls. Yes, I didn't say that. I said, you know who doesn't get crap, which implies, yes, he's doing the same thing.

1:20:08🔗 Drew Well, I didn't get that.

1:20:09🔗 Adam Then I said, you decide in your head, it went the other way around. I don't know why. You know who doesn't get crap for?

1:20:16🔗 Drew Who's that?

1:20:16🔗 Adam It's implied doing the same thing. Now think, now you gotta think. Tim Robbins. She's like eight years older than he is.

1:20:25🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm just saying that this is only 11 years.

1:20:26🔗 Adam Why would you give him crap?

1:20:29🔗 Drew I'm just saying that we don't give her crap for...

1:20:31🔗 Adam Well, she shouldn't. She's 51, he's 43 or whatever.

1:20:36🔗 Drew The point is we don't, when it's reversed, we don't give people crap.

1:20:38🔗 Adam Oh, it gets brought up.

1:20:40🔗 Drew It gets brought up. We'd sort of condemn the man a little more with it.

1:20:43🔗 Adam Yeah, but if you had a 55-year-old chick and a 25-year-old... When Cher dated the bagel boy or the pizza guy or whatever, then she got a fair amount of crap.

1:20:54🔗 Drew Half an hour would give her some crap too, right?

1:20:55🔗 Adam Well, he's iconic.

1:20:56🔗 Drew Special case.

1:20:57🔗 Adam Anybody? Anyone? Big name, big star? Been on the scene a long time? You ready?

1:21:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:21:05🔗 Adam You might be a little frustrated.

1:21:07🔗 Drew I'm sure I will be.

1:21:08🔗 Caller Give him another second.

1:21:09🔗 Drew Give me a hint. Give me a hint. Oh, you know already?

1:21:11🔗 Adam Is Anderson now?

1:21:12🔗 Caller Of course, don't I?

1:21:13🔗 Drew Give me a hint.

1:21:14🔗 Caller Doesn't everyone know?

1:21:15🔗 Drew I probably do, but give me a hint.

1:21:16🔗 Adam I don't know. I don't think it's that obvious. Go ahead, Anderson. Give the initials.

1:21:22🔗 Drew Give me a hint.

1:21:24🔗 Caller A-K.

1:21:27🔗 Adam A-K?

1:21:28🔗 Caller Maybe, maybe I don't know.

1:21:30🔗 Adam I don't think Anderson knows. All right, here's the name. Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney. I'm not going that direction.

1:21:39🔗 Caller He's still, he's still relaxing.

1:21:41🔗 Adam Drew, do you see what you do to everybody? My examples were two guys that were much older than the gals that are dating, and I said, you know who doesn't get crap?

1:21:50🔗 Drew I wouldn't have come up with Paul McCartney.

1:21:51🔗 Adam No, because he doesn't come to mind.

1:21:53🔗 Drew I didn't know she was that much younger than you.

1:21:54🔗 Adam He's 63.

1:21:55🔗 Drew How old is she?

1:21:56🔗 Adam She's 37.

1:21:57🔗 Caller Oh, I thought you were talking about dag when you're talking about that direction.

1:22:00🔗 Drew Well, that's different.

1:22:01🔗 Adam I never was going in any of the other directions. Here's my deal. He, A, he lost his wife. B, she lost a leg.

1:22:10🔗 Drew Oh, I didn't know that either.

1:22:11🔗 Adam She was a model. She's a model that lost a leg. He doesn't get crap. She's a model.

1:22:16🔗 Drew Interesting.

1:22:16🔗 Adam She's blonde. She's hot. He would get crap. She lost a leg. He doesn't get crap. And his old lady died. Now, he hooked up with her. I don't know. It's been four or five years. I mean, he could have been 59 or 60. I mean, here's the deal. When they hooked up, he was like 58 and she was 30.

1:22:37🔗 Drew Wow.

1:22:38🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

1:22:38🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:22:39🔗 Adam No crap. No, it says a thing.

1:22:41🔗 Drew Interesting.

1:22:42🔗 Adam Lost a leg. You want to get away, you got to get rid of that leg.

1:22:47🔗 Drew Or an arm or something.

1:22:47🔗 Adam Yeah. No one says a goddamn word about Paul McCartney. Great guy. Great guy.

1:22:52🔗 Drew Look at her.

1:22:52🔗 Adam She lost a leg. You date a nine-year-old. She had a, if her leg was gone, it'd be like, oh my God, he's a saint. Now she's a model and she's blind, but the missing leg fixes it. And then your wife, who you're very much in love with, dying instead of you cheating on her, pow.

1:23:06🔗 Drew You get a bye.

1:23:07🔗 Adam You get a pass.

1:23:09🔗 Caller All right.

1:23:09🔗 Adam Should we take a break, Drew? We'll be right back after this.

1:23:16🔗 Caller Loveline will be right back, so get your problems ready.

1:23:20🔗 Drew Loveline is brought to you by the iPod Nano.

1:23:23🔗 Caller Apple has done it again.

1:23:24🔗 Caller They took everything you love about the iPod and shrunk it. Check it out at apple.com.

1:23:35🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Or let me tell you something, Drew.

1:23:43🔗 Drew Tell me.

1:23:46🔗 Adam I just went and tried some of those big tub of mixed nuts that we keep hidden back there.

1:23:52🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:23:52🔗 Adam But they were rancid.

1:23:53🔗 Drew Oh, no.

1:23:54🔗 Adam Because I picked them up, and the lid, and it's one of those kinds that smart, no, not the snap-on lid, the screw, but the big screw on.

1:24:01🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:24:01🔗 Adam You know, like you get at the-

1:24:02🔗 Drew It's a mason jar.

1:24:03🔗 Adam Yeah, you snap that- You screw that baby on, you lock it down. First thing I do is I pick it up and notice the lid is just rattling, as if it was just set on, but not turned snuggly, not even turned at all, just sitting there. Then, of course, I sniff it, the nuts are rancid. What the hell is going on? That people don't put lids on or snap things down or put caps on? What is going on?

1:24:28🔗 Drew Let me tell you what I'm hearing.

1:24:29🔗 Adam This did not goddamn exist 30 years ago in this country.

1:24:33🔗 Drew What I'm hearing is your wife doesn't do it.

1:24:35🔗 Adam No.

1:24:36🔗 Drew That's what I'm hearing.

1:24:36🔗 Adam No, no. My wife does do it. I beat her like a mule, but she finally has learned to do it. No! No! What? Drew! No! What's going on is... Look, I work...

1:24:49🔗 Drew It's the disposable thing we talked about last night. Everything's disposable. No!

1:24:52🔗 Adam It's everyone can kiss my ass is what it is. I'm done with the nuts, therefore I'm not going to burn one half calorie twisting this goddamn lid onto it. We made it easy. We have snap tops on everything now. I opened the refrigerator at my work. There's the squeeze mayonnaise with the snap lid facing straight up. Don't even take your thumb and snap it down. Microwave doors hanging open, peanut butter jar caps off, there's a knife stuck in it. People that don't give an F. All I can think is people are not being raised correctly anymore. Because there used to be a time that if you pulled that crap, your parents would yell at you.

1:25:33🔗 Drew That's right, Pops.

1:25:35🔗 Adam Pops Corolla.

1:25:36🔗 Drew That's right.

1:25:37🔗 Adam Now you do that crap and people are like, look, buddy, you do it. You know what it is? It's all these goddamn mountain doing Nike commercials, all these stupid commercials where everyone's going, hey, man, you do it for yourself, you do it for you. You challenge yourself, you do it for yourself.

1:25:50🔗 Drew Worst message to humanity of all time.

1:25:53🔗 Adam That's right, there's only one of you, man. When God came, the heavens parted and God smiled and He created you. Well, of course that guy's not gonna put the effing lid back on the peanut butter, it's only him.

1:26:05🔗 Caller Right.

1:26:07🔗 Adam I can't, it boggles my mind. I mean, I can't open a thing of ketchup, squeeze it out and not snap the lid down.

1:26:17🔗 Drew I can't either. A toothpaste, I have to put it on. And by the toothpaste, it's just a snap thing now.

1:26:22🔗 Adam It is now at the point where every time I go to the urinal, there's just a big basket of urine waiting for my arrival. Oh, because no, well, people can't even reach up and flip the goddamn thing.

1:26:34🔗 Drew A little bit of a justification for that is that we're so used to the automatic toilets, people think they have to flush toilets anymore.

1:26:39🔗 Adam No, no, no, no, no.

1:26:41🔗 Drew But how about the urine and the butt? The urine and the butt waiting for you.

1:26:45🔗 Adam I've done surveys on this. People just think, I don't want to touch this filthy handle.

1:26:49🔗 Drew Right. So here's a butt to add to my urine.

1:26:51🔗 Adam Why not? You're not going to, I'm not going to touch this handle. You can just look at a nice frothy schooner of my whiz, pull up. I just mean there's a whole thing of goddamn mixed nuts. And I'm not talking about the small packet. I'm talking about the jumbo thing that is rancid. And I just threw away because some a-hole wouldn't screw the goddamn lid on. What's going on, people? You think you're the only person on the planet? This whole entitlement thing has effed everything up.

1:27:23🔗 Drew You know where that came from.

1:27:24🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, believe me. Yeah, that came from the left. That came from the liberals. Yeah.

1:27:32🔗 Drew And then the legal system.

1:27:33🔗 Adam And then the legal system. And there's big proponents of it. Yeah. Guys like Jesse Jackson. They love that stuff. Oh, and it's working like a charm too, baby. Nothing, nothing going to help people out faster than telling them they don't have to do anything. It's awesome. Yeah. Always get to be a victim. Never have to get off your ass. Never have to do anything for anyone else. Don't let anyone ever tell you what to do. Don't let anyone ever tell you what to do. You're special. You're an individual.

1:28:00🔗 Drew People work for you.

1:28:01🔗 Adam People work for you. You're going to have an awesome life.

1:28:03🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:28:04🔗 Adam The worst message you can send to your kids.

1:28:06🔗 Drew Absolutely.

1:28:08🔗 Adam Shut up and kiss. Do you understand that there was a problem with people screwing the caps back on to the ketchup? So the ketchup manufacturers of the world all got together in Helsinki, Finland for the ketchup symposium.

1:28:24🔗 Drew After the mayonnaise symposium in Reykjavik?

1:28:30🔗 Adam Drew said something funny once a year and that was it, everybody. Enjoy. He waited till late this year. No one really shoots his wad in like March.

1:28:40🔗 Drew What did I say about the dime for size? What was that?

1:28:45🔗 Adam Time for scale. That was funny.

1:28:48🔗 Drew What was in relation?

1:28:49🔗 Adam I don't know, but you should have written it down because it was the last funny thing you said. It was over nine months ago. Yeah, after the mayonnaise symposium in Reykjavik, the ketchup, the ketchup manufacturer of the world, they all got together and they said, look, yeah, not in our great country, not in Europe, not in Asia, not in South or Central America, but the goddamn lazy Americans are so fat and so entitled that they can't even screw a two ounce lid back onto their beloved ketchup. So I have a foolproof idea. We'll make a plastic pop lid. Then they'll have to snap it shut after they use it. Well, hell, you vastly underestimated our retarded resolve. You didn't realize just how committed we were to not doing a goddamn thing for anybody else but ourselves. So you better do better. You gotta do better than that. I'm going to deliver the keynote address at the next one in Helsinki. Mr. Heinz, who else I got in there? Mr. Del Monte, it's a pleasure to make your coins. Thank you. I would open with a few ketchup jokes. I would take a few ketchup jokes and take a few cheap shots at barbecue sauce. An A1. An A1. Now they have their attention and it addressed the bigger issues, which is this snap lid. Thank you. Sandra?

1:30:31🔗 Caller Sandra?

1:30:33🔗 Caller Yes?

1:30:34🔗 Drew How come there are two of you talking?

1:30:36🔗 Caller Huh?

1:30:37🔗 Drew Okay. What's the question?

1:30:39🔗 Caller It's just me.

1:30:40🔗 Caller What do you want to know?

1:30:44🔗 Drew Where in Montana are you calling from?

1:30:46🔗 Caller Billings.

1:30:47🔗 Drew Billings, Montana.

1:30:49🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

1:30:50🔗 Drew You a Mormon?

1:30:51🔗 Caller No.

1:30:54🔗 Adam We're 1000% on that. And I'll tell you the reason we called, Sandra.

1:31:00🔗 Caller Yes?

1:31:01🔗 Adam We heard some pretty disturbing things about you having...

1:31:04🔗 Drew Copper industry.

1:31:05🔗 Adam The copper industry in that area.

1:31:06🔗 Drew The anaconda mine is closing down.

1:31:09🔗 Caller That's totally natural.

1:31:14🔗 Adam We were talking about copper. We were talking about copper ore, Sandra. The indigenous metal of Montana.

1:31:20🔗 Drew The anaconda mine.

1:31:21🔗 Adam The anaconda mine is closed. A lot of people out of work in that part of the country. We want to know what you want to do about it.

1:31:29🔗 Drew Bute's in trouble.

1:31:31🔗 Caller Well, yeah. I haven't had me in a couple of months or so. But I don't think that has anything to do with that. I mean, totally about sexual gratification. Because, yeah, I've been having dreams about sexual gratification with other girls. But I don't think they're less seen in dreams by any means.

1:31:49🔗 Caller I mean, like, well, they are less seen in dreams.

1:31:50🔗 Drew I think this is about the strangest conversation that I've ever had.

1:31:54🔗 Adam The copper in its ore form, Drew.

1:31:57🔗 Drew It's in the ground. They have to go dig in down.

1:32:00🔗 Adam Oh, they have to go many miles, Steve.

1:32:01🔗 Drew Huge tracts.

1:32:03🔗 Adam And, you know, what people don't realize is for every metric ton of rock they pull out of the ground, it only yields a few ounces of actual pure copper.

1:32:12🔗 Drew In the back of the day, when labor was cheap and they could extract all of it, but they closed the mines.

1:32:16🔗 Adam No, no, no.

1:32:17🔗 Caller It's not about the dreams. Okay, yeah. I have dreams about eating out girls. And I have dreams about girls eating out me, but like-

1:32:24🔗 Drew And so they closed the mines down, the anaconda mines were shut down. And so it really affected the economy in Montana.

1:32:31🔗 Adam Oh yeah. A lot of families.

1:32:33🔗 Caller It had to do with the economy, correct?

1:32:36🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, also, you know, coppers, you know, pennies, you know, made of copper. And that's how they use it as a form of currency anymore.

1:32:43🔗 Drew They thought about eliminating the penner and the penny, and Montana's had to find a new industry, and they found tourism.

1:32:50🔗 Adam Oh, actually, nice, because I was going to say, you know, copper is still used quite extensively in construction. Copper piping is also one of the greatest conductors of electricity known to man. Fantastic wiring. Armatures are wired with copper. How say you, Maggie? I mean, Sandra?

1:33:07🔗 Caller Yes.

1:33:08🔗 Adam Sandra?

1:33:09🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:33:10🔗 Adam How say you?

1:33:12🔗 Caller I'm sorry?

1:33:13🔗 Adam How say you?

1:33:15🔗 Caller How say me?

1:33:16🔗 Adam How say you?

1:33:19🔗 Caller I, okay, no, that has nothing to do with it. Like my dreams have nothing to do with like.

1:33:26🔗 Drew No.

1:33:27🔗 Caller Oh, my God.

1:33:30🔗 Drew Oh, my God. I wish you would have heard that.

1:33:32🔗 Adam She dropped a mega F-bomb. This is awesome.

1:33:36🔗 Drew Not, not at us. It was just sort of a floated, floated F-bomb.

1:33:40🔗 Adam All right. Let's, let's, let's, let's, let's recruit. Let's recruit.

1:33:43🔗 Drew Let's do it. All right.

1:33:44🔗 Adam We'll be back.

1:33:49🔗 Caller Love Line.

1:33:50🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:52🔗 Caller Love Line will be right back.

1:33:54🔗 Caller Love Line is brought to you by the iPod Nano. Apple has done it again.

1:33:58🔗 Caller They took everything you love about the iPod and shrunk it. Check it out at apple.com.

1:34:08🔗 Adam Well, that's it. That's the show. We will take ourselves a little break.

1:34:11🔗 Drew We'll continue to talk about copper futures when we return.

1:34:15🔗 Adam Yeah, in one o'clock. Bravery is going to be in here tomorrow night. And isn't it The Bravery?

1:34:22🔗 Drew Yes.

1:34:22🔗 Adam It is, isn't it? We'll take a little 22-hour break until next time. Is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo? Yeah, what'd she look like?

1:34:33🔗 Caller Thin.

1:34:34🔗 Adam With huge cans?

1:34:35🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah, very much so.

1:34:37🔗 Adam We gotta prank. I'm serious. Why do we always break late? We always break late, Drew. We're always up against it. You know what I mean? We're always chasing it on this show. You know, they tell me, stop running late.

1:34:53🔗 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:57🔗 Caller The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station.

1:35:05🔗 Caller The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:35:08🔗 Adam Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback