1:04🔗
Voiceover
Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.
1:28🔗
Voiceover
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew. Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew is a board certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. And tonight, our guest from The Aristocrats and many other things, Bob Saget.
1:44🔗
Thank you.
1:44🔗
Adam
Good to see you, Bob. Good to see you too. A couple of things, a little ask-a-son for Bob Saget. First off, he was on Entourage a couple of weeks back. And excellent on it. I enjoy Entourage and Bob's character was stellar on it. The other thing I got to say about Bob Saget is, I watch Full House, maybe almost every episode. Not, no, and America's Funniest Videos. Both shows, not because I think they're the height of art, just because I want my brain to do nothing for one half hour or one hour, depending on which show it is.
2:25🔗
Adam
Full House is a pleasant way to do it. I swear to God, I can't take any more people kicking the crap out of each other. It's just, you know what you're gonna get, gonna relax, gonna shut down. And the other thing is America's Funniest Videos, still watch it now with Tom Bergeron.
2:47🔗
Adam
It sounds stupid, but what it is is, No, a lot of people still watch it. You watch a sitcom, you get a couple of head nods, maybe smile in there, no out loud stuff. You see the guy take the wiffle ball in the sack, you laugh out loud. And it's like, there's nothing smart about it, there's no genius about it, there's nothing, anything. I'll just watch those clips until you stop running those clips.
3:11🔗
It's like silent films. You could just watch somebody get smacked. You just keep going. If you're standing on the street and you see a guy fall in a manhole and then you wait for a minute and then he comes out, but he's hurt, but he's okay, you laugh. And so that's what this is. This is on tape.
3:25🔗
Adam
No, I mean you show that, I see a cat like staring at a koi pond and I'm in. I'm just going to watch until either the cat goes into the koi pond or the koi jumps out or the dog runs up behind the cat and the cat jumps on the dog.
3:37🔗
Unless you see the fishing line pull the cat into the koi pond.
3:40🔗
Adam
Yeah, I don't want to see anything. That's not right. I don't want to see anything cooked.
3:43🔗
Jerry Rigg.
3:45🔗
Adam
I'll just watch that stuff. Yeah. And of course, my affinity for- I can't believe you watched Full House. I can't believe I watched Full House.
3:54🔗
I guess it's a heightened reality. I mean, it was like leave it to Beaver for us.
4:00🔗
Violins played when I would talk to Michelle and Uncle Jesse.
4:07🔗
Caller
That was Dave. Stamos had a mullet, which he loves when I remind him of that. And I had a bouffant.
4:18🔗
Adam
You know what? I was saying a few months back that the Stamos tried to get, I think, Lord Have Mercy off the ground, but it never quite took. It was never, hey, and it was never like, what were you talking about or anything?
4:34🔗
Caller
It was Have Mercy. But Dave had cut it out, which I think did take off. Because I brought it tonight.
4:46🔗
Caller
Yeah, he did the, Dave did the show after mine. They kind of, Jerry, they kind of re-did it. They cloned my show America's Funniest People.
5:19🔗
Adam
We were talking to the very sick Howie Mandel in here, who would not touch anybody, did a lot of hand wringing.
5:34🔗
Adam
Yeah, I'm not so sure that it's a completely pragmatic thing. I think it's just something that may be up in his head. He's got a clean room at his house for when his kids get sick. He has a place to retreat to. But he said that Bob Saget was a blue comic before all the full house and all this stuff came around.
5:54🔗
Caller
Way before. I was always R-rated. I did an HBO special that was to drop the F-bomb on that thing a bunch back when both shows were in the top 10. I guess people were kids watching full house, so they didn't know to put that on because they shouldn't be watching that anyway.
6:11🔗
Adam
How many years did you do America's top videos, funniest videos and full house simultaneously?
6:34🔗
Caller
It's a taste. I didn't own the show, so you get the residuals. You know what they can be. Right. I'm divorced, so it's half a residual.
6:44🔗
Caller
Things are great. I'm out doing my standup, which is like I'm selling out places now, and I'm at Headline House of Blues in Vegas, things like that, where you get like a thousand or a couple thousand kids in colleges, and that's really fun for me. My standup, I'm enjoying now a lot right now.
7:00🔗
Adam
So are you in the part of your life where you're just doing what you want to do, having a good time?
7:14🔗
Caller
But also artistically, I haven't really, I did a play in New York a few months back. I saw the doctor there at a restaurant, a wonderful restaurant called Esco, which all your listeners I'm sure are going to rush out to. But I did an off-broadway play that Paul Weitz wrote. Let me get that.
7:32🔗
Caller
Paul Weitz wrote it, who wrote about a boy, wrote the movie and directed it, and wrote In Good Company and directed that.
7:40🔗
Caller
It was. It had a lot of comedy in it, and then it got kind of serious. It was about an insider trader, kind of an Ivan Boski Milken kind of guy. So it kind of melted down in it, but that was a great, great thing for me.
7:50🔗
Adam
Do you want to direct, because I know you've done some of that, or do you want to do stand-up, or do you want to get into more serious stuff, or does it matter?
7:57🔗
Caller
I've got a few things now on the burner, as they would say, in a cooking thing. I've got a bunch of different things I'm doing. One would be a directing thing, and one's an acting thing I'm working on doing, which is more like what I'm like. So I can't go back and do the Full House kind of thing.
8:12🔗
Or tell me.
8:13🔗
Caller
One's a TV show, which would be for cable, and the other is a movie that I'm supposed to be getting set up to direct now.
8:35🔗
Adam
But when you hit that, there wasn't any place to go but there. There wasn't a bunch of cable shows. You couldn't just go invent cranky anchors and go sell it to some low level executive at Comedy Central and they give you some money and you go put it on. You just couldn't experiment. There's nothing to do. And then once you got in the network, you had to put the suit on and dance for the man.
9:00🔗
Adam
They pay you, but you had to go do what they wanted. There was no F you. I'm going over to Showtime.
9:05🔗
Caller
Right. And I got criticized a lot for the jokes. But if you're going to do a show that travels around the world, you can't do it like my stand up. You can't say, here's a guy getting hit in the junk. You can't say junk. They didn't even know what junk was. I was happy to get a sitcom. I just wanted any sitcom. I thought it would be like Felix Unger. I'd dust bust and then I'd hug everybody because I loved my own kids. They were young then. Here, let me show how I love my own kids. I'm playing a character. Next thing I know, I got a 12 year old now that asked me if I was gay on there.
9:47🔗
Caller
Oh yeah, but she wasn't trying to give me trouble. She was just kind of like, well, she was kind of.
9:57🔗
Yeah?
10:07🔗
Heather?
10:14🔗
Yeah, go ahead.
10:57🔗
Adam
Maybe that's it. You know, the thing that's funny is I was thinking about this, so I thought, I'm going to go on the internet, find out a little something about Marco Polo, like when he died, where he went, stuff like that. And there was this thing I already told you, Drew, but it was funny to me where it's like, everyone always thought he was making up. These were tall tales. There's no Geraldo back then. You couldn't substantiate anything. Everyone thought these were tall tales. So in the thing on the Internet, it says, a priest begged him to admit he was lying on his deathbed. And I thought, what a priest. Hi, father, you're going to tell us you're lying, my son. Like, I'm dying here.
11:34🔗
Caller
Just leave me alone. Maybe that's where he came from. He was in the other room. Marco, maybe he was in a tent of some kind.
11:45🔗
Caller
I was just wondering if Dr. Drew could tell me a little about how borderline personality disorder manifests itself, would be more typical?
11:55🔗
Drew
Well, there's a lot of different features to it, and it's actually a term that's sort of overused. We even paint people with borderline traits very commonly these days. And it's basically, you would think of it as someone who has very dramatic relationships, has difficulty being in intimate relationships, has profound fears of abandonment, can be sexually promiscuous and have sort of fluid even sexual identity issues.
12:22🔗
Drew
Often, a history of sexual abuse in childhood or physical abuse, that kind of thing, ban him and neglect. So some sort of trauma in childhood is often at the core of this. So why do you ask that? A lot of mood disturbances.
12:37🔗
Drew
Because it's an old term that actually isn't descriptive any longer, but it was originally a term, borderline psychotic. A personality disorder and it just got, it just retained the borderline moniker.
12:52🔗
Drew
Yeah, now borderline, the psychotic or not psychotic no longer really applies to personality structure. It's a general symptom.
13:00🔗
Caller
I was just wondering because pretty much all of those apply to me. But I know people are overeager to just slap a definition on that.
13:11🔗
Drew
Yeah. Let me just say that post-traumatic stress disorder, borderline and bipolar are probably in a spectrum altogether. So going to therapy, being on mood stabilizers, behavioral management, all that stuff can be, and sometimes 12 step could be very, very effective for whatever it is you have when you're in that spectrum.
13:34🔗
Caller
Yeah. I can't be attracted to guys for more than a few days after I sleep with them, and I sleep with them after I barely know them.
13:43🔗
Drew
Well, again, the borderlines characteristically have something called an internal split. They have a good self and a bad self, and the bad self is the one that's able to be sexual, and when they're, and they only attach that to bad guys, and if they get really attached to someone genuinely with a good guy they're having sex with, they can't tolerate that, they sabotage.
14:09🔗
Caller
I've met a bunch of girls like that. They can't, I'm like a nice person, I try to be anyway, and sometimes I get angry if they want, what they want is me to treat them badly.
14:17🔗
Caller
And I can't be around that because I can't play that game of being a not caring guy, but they would be better off, but everybody I guess is afraid of intimacy.
14:27🔗
Adam
The hot ones are. Yeah. Yeah. They want something from you, and then you have to make this decision. You start acting like someone you're not and sort of compromise whatever standards you have just to get laid. I say yes, or do you just stay the course and go home and beat off?
14:45🔗
Caller
Well, if you're drunk a lot, you can't even beat off because your hands don't function. It's like they're sleeping, like you slept on them. Yeah. Can you do it no matter what?
15:00🔗
Adam
It's tough. It's tough. You have central vac? I know what you're saying. I like that central vac.
15:13🔗
The outlet is very...
15:15🔗
Yeah.
15:19🔗
Drew
Borderline is a tough road to hoe. It's very difficult to be in a relationship with borderline.
15:33🔗
Caller
Okay, I'm sorry about that. When I was 15, I took a depot shot and it made me like stay on my period for nine months. And then finally the doctor put me on ortho tricycline. And anytime I miss the pill, I'm on my period until I get my next pack of pills.
15:51🔗
Drew
Well, Ashley, whoa, whoa, whoa. You need to drop this notion that you're on your period. Bleeding does not denote that you're on your period, okay? Uterine bleeding is bleeding. And when you're on the depot shot, you're supposed to bleed for three months continuously. Not because you're on your period, but because that's a side effect of the medication. And most women, after that three months, lose any period, any bleeding whatsoever from then on. But some women can continue to bleed.
16:23🔗
Drew
Well, the period implies a cycle, and these pills and whatnot suppress all the cycle, but they often cause a side effect of continuous or mid-cycle bleeding. Now she still has a tendency to bleed because she's on oral contraceptives, the triphasic pill, which it's very common for there to be mid-cycle bleeding. And of course, if you miss your pill, the lining of the uterus is unstable and it bleeds. That's what it's supposed to do. That's what the pills do, okay?
16:54🔗
Caller
The only good thing is you know where you've been. It's like if someone kidnapped you and you had a sack of rice, and you had a hole in it.
17:22🔗
Caller
Yeah. Well, then the doctors tried to diagnose those with, like, endometriosis and pelvic inflammatory disease.
17:31🔗
Caller
No. But they told me that it would cause, like, early menopause and that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant.
17:53🔗
Drew
The long-term contraceptives like DepoProvera are thought to be responsible. The primary reason there's been a drop in the teen pregnancy right in this country.
18:04🔗
Drew
Yeah. A dramatic drop. And it correlates with the distribution of these shots. I'm not a huge fan of these shots because of all the side effects and stuff. And people get depressed and the libido shuts down and what not. But it does prevent pregnancy.
18:18🔗
Drew
Progesterone. No, it's a progesterone. But you just got continuous progesterone and sometimes that makes the line of the uterus unstable and you just bleed.
18:40🔗
Adam
All right, let's play a little something called Germany or Florida. Here's how the game works, Bob. All bizarre stories I learned from sitting at the Jimmy Kimmel writer's table for a couple of years emanate from either Germany or Florida. It just got to the point where some writer would start pitching a story about a guy who ate his own foot while it was still attached to his leg and someone would just yell out Germany and someone else would yell out Florida and it was out of Tallahassee or out of Stuttgart. So we decide to start playing a game called Germany or Florida. You tell us the bizarre story and then we guess is it Germany or Florida. Drew's over three.
19:20🔗
Adam
All right. I'm like one for five. We're both slumping. Maybe Bob can be our good luck charm.
19:34🔗
Adam
Paul? Hello? All right. Here we go. Here we go. Corolla. I'm bored of my own thing. Germany or Florida?
19:45🔗
Caller
You guys are like gods to me. You guys put me, you know, listen to your show every night. You guys are great.
19:53🔗
Caller
They're great. Now I'm not kidding. They do a really good thing for a lot of people. I listen to it and I love what you guys do. You're funny but you help a lot of people.
20:03🔗
Caller
All right. You expect you to kind of Police divers are hunting a snapping turtle that bit a 15-year-old boy on the penis. They say the animal usually avoids human contact unless cornered. They are puzzled as to why the turtle should have attacked the teenage swimmer. The boy was bitten through the swimming trunks on his private parts and then bitten again on the hand as he tried to scramble out of the water. He realized what it was that was attacking him when the turtle latched on to his finger, leaving a deep wound that needed several stitches, Germany or Florida.
20:34🔗
Drew
Here's the deal. I've been tagged so many times, convinced that something's Florida. I mean, our callers have gotten pretty savvy to this.
20:55🔗
Adam
Let me tell you what used to make you great, a great Germany or Florida player. And what made me look up to you is you had instincts.
21:05🔗
You went with your gut, man.
21:08🔗
Adam
Wow. Florida. By the way, the snapping, I would rather be attacked by a puma than a snapping turtle. I am freaked out by snapping turtles.
21:22🔗
Adam
They're slow, but the idea of you sort of walking barefoot through the lake and feeling something on your small toe, I mean, just, you know what I mean? You ever see those things come down on a broomstick and just crack them in half and say, oh, they're crazy. They just pop. They're crazy, Drew. All right. The good news is the turtle was more frightened of the boy than the boy. I always like when people point that out. He must have cornered it. He was frightened. Yes, but he attacks when he's frightened.
22:05🔗
Caller
I know that he was a young boy. I know a lot of people in Florida, and if I was a turtle, I would prefer that than German meat. Right, veiner.
22:17🔗
Adam
All right, so we're going Florida and Florida. I'm going Germany just to break it up. Just to make it exciting.
22:25🔗
Adam
Well, you're going Germany now. No, I'm going Florida. Florida or Germany? You're up in your head, Drew.
22:45🔗
Adam
Now, this was in a lake. He said he bit him once, and he bit him again in the hand when he tried to. We got two Florida's into Germany.
22:54🔗
Damn it.
22:57🔗
Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
23:01🔗
Adam
Wow, Drew. You know what? I'll tell you, as good as it feels, my heart goes out to Drew. He's really coming undone.
23:08🔗
Adam
And I think not only is this affecting his personal life, his sexual lives, his guys, his relationship with his children.
23:39🔗
Adam
Here's the thing, Drew, too. And now you're gonna get weird and superstitious. You're gonna start walking around telephone poles.
24:02🔗
Adam
Let's take a little break. Drew, you need to do some soul-searching, buddy. You're way up in your head.
24:12🔗
Adam
I got to start cutting. He's start mutilating himself. All right. He's on a one for six run with the Germany, Florida, everybody. All right. Calm down. Bob Saget here, Aristocrats coming out tomorrow, the 19th of August. We'll take ourselves a break.
24:34🔗
Love Line will be right back, so get your problems ready.
24:39🔗
Drew
National Highway Traffic Safety Administration wants to remind you to designate before you celebrate. If you plan on drinking, always have a sober designated driver. Law enforcement is cracking down from coast to coast. You drink and drive, you lose.
25:11🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, Bob Saget in studio tonight. The Aristocrat.
25:25🔗
Adam
It is going to be funny six months from now when some guy heads into a blockbuster and grabs the Aristocrats.
25:34🔗
Caller
I don't know if they'll run it because blockbuster has the same kind of policy because AMC wouldn't run the Aristocrats.
25:40🔗
Adam
But let's just say he rolls into his local video store and there's a little mix up when he thinks he's grabbing the Aristocats for the nine-year-old and he just pops it in and then heads into the room to take a nap.
25:57🔗
Adam
And he doesn't know it until one of the kids drops the sea bomb on the following day at breakfast. You know this has to happen, right? I mean, it's just at least once, right?
26:13🔗
Caller
Right. You can't get in under 18. My 18-year-old saw it. I won't let my 15 or 12-year-old know my mother wants to see it. You're funny in it, Bobby.
26:20🔗
I want to see it.
26:26🔗
Caller
He actually saw Team America and South Park movie in the theater. I took him. He thinks it's the funniest things he's ever seen. Puppets going at it was enough for him.
26:35🔗
Adam
I don't mind old folks seeing stuff. I realize old folks feel the necessity to comment on everything and that's why I don't want anyone over 50 ever seeing anything I do because they have to talk about it. Whereas younger people see it and go, you were funny, that was great. Older people will go, you were good, but that other fella, he used a lot of vulgarity or whatever it is.
26:59🔗
Caller
Well, I'm getting a lot of that because I've done so much family television. They're like, well, my God, your show is kind of blue or that was dirty and I want to go see the movie you're in. It's like, please don't.
27:18🔗
Adam
Well, he died, but it was a year or two after he died, which was because my family is so retarded. They really could ever.
27:33🔗
Adam
Yeah, but listen, here's the thing. He was a member of the Neptune Society. A guy came in his mother's station wagon at five in the morning, dragged him across the liver and stuffed him in the back of a minivan and throw him in the ocean. It cost 238 bucks. We never went on the ocean. We just took their word for it. He's probably in the landfill in Sun Valley right now. But the point is, is I sat next to one of my grandmother's friends and she was like, I saw you on TV last night talking about defecation for 40 minutes. Literally. I said, I said, I don't know. Was it the man? 40 minutes. Now they never know what they were watching. I don't know how that works.
28:17🔗
Adam
You're watching Loveline or you're watching the man show. I don't know, but you spoke about it for 40 minutes. I said, look, that's impossible that one show is a half hour, but the other show, maybe 12 minutes, max on defecation. She was like, I was like, look, it felt like 40 minutes, but obviously I didn't go. 40 minutes, and that's the part. It's not the part where they're offended, it's the part where they feel the necessity to share their goddamn opinion, because their thing is, eff it, I'm gonna be in the grave in 20 minutes, I'm getting this off my chest.
28:49🔗
Adam
No, it's not share, it's foist. It's foist it on you, and their thing is like, what are you gonna do, punch me?
28:56🔗
Adam
This was at the, whatever, it was his birthday, it was like two years later, people were sharing stories, and this is sort of between, you know, Jules Mandel's long-winded blowhard speech and somebody else standing up. She just leaned over and kept, and I kept saying, look, it's impossible that I spoke of defecation right now. Forty minutes, that's the thing. They're impervious, that that's the thing. They don't think, they know you're not gonna tell them to shut up, they know you're not gonna take a swing at them, and they don't care. They just don't care.
29:36🔗
Adam
Right. I was like, look, now you've talked about me talking about defecating for 40 minutes, so we're even.
29:51🔗
Caller
Yeah. Hey, Dr. Drew, you guys, you're great. Adam, you're great. Bob, you're genius for doing all your full house and then going on to your dirty career that everyone knows about you.
30:08🔗
Caller
As far as I've heard is that you and Sarah Silverman have the crudest, lewdest version of this joke. I want to know that in your opinion behind that, who might have the next dirtiest version only because I'm pitching to here and see this movie.
30:21🔗
Caller
Well, I actually don't look at it as a competition. Sarah's really brilliant. I read all that stuff. I don't think she's that dirty in it actually. She does her character, which is what's so interesting about it. I don't want to give it away for the people that want to be amused.
30:41🔗
Caller
There's some other people that are pretty foul. My friend Taylor Negron and Paul Reiser tells it pretty interestingly. It's interesting to see some of the people that say stuff and some that don't.
30:59🔗
Caller
I've been told like 20 years ago by Dom Arera who told me the joke and it made me laugh, but I didn't go around telling people. I could care less. I know a lot of dirty stuff.
31:10🔗
Caller
It would have been great. It would have been awesome. The Tourette's moment. They take Danny away. Jesse and Joey raise the kids for the next four years.
31:27🔗
Caller
That was the point of it. The joke is about lowering the bar for a reason because we're in a weird time right now. And it's about censorship, but it's kind of a bit... oddly enough, I find the thing to be... you know, it's a well-done documentary.
31:45🔗
Adam
Does anybody have any idea who the originator was of the joke or the origins of the joke?
31:52🔗
Caller
In the movie, there's this guy, Jay Marshall, who has a book on comedy, and he tells... he's the first person that kind of tells the joke in the movie. And it's pretty hilarious to hear an almost 90-year-old guy tell the joke.
32:04🔗
Caller
And it's funny, because Gary Owens from Laugh-In, the announcer, tells... he's in the movie, the documentary, The Aristocrats, but then he told Penn Gillette at the premiere that Jack Benny told him the joke. And there was another time where Johnny Carson was... Buddy Hackett on The Tonight Show once, they went to commercial. He told the joke over the commercial break. To the audience. To the audience. Then they come back from the commercial, and Buddy goes, Hey, we called The Aristocrats. And Carson's like pounding on the desk, is supposedly the story.
32:34🔗
Caller
You know, he didn't say exactly where. It was a vaudeville thing. It was just, you know, there was no Lenny Bruce, it was pre-everything.
32:47🔗
Caller
Yeah, but I think it's gotten filthier. We're at a time right now where, you know, standards have gone...
32:56🔗
Caller
Yeah, one more question. Does Robin Williams have a segment? Did he just clip in it or does he actually tell a version of it, too?
33:01🔗
Caller
He tells other jokes. He's pretty funny at it. And there's a thing he does at the end during the closing credits, which is really funny. And so he's in it a bunch. He was in front of the Golden Gate Bridge. It's interesting to see where some of these people are. Joe Franklin is like in his office in New York and he's like surrounded by all these artifacts of his entire life. It looks like.
33:31🔗
Adam
Yeah. You've seen him before. Well, look, here's the whole thing. He didn't know who Huel Hauser was on KBC or KCT out here for a million years. So he doesn't know who our local ver- that's Huel. He doesn't know who- Now, this is wonderful. He doesn't know who our local version of-
33:56🔗
Caller
Joe Frankl is kind of like the woman in Poltergeist combined with just the guy from New York.
34:11🔗
Hey.
34:12🔗
Not well, first of all, Adam and Drew, I'd like to just say you guys have completely helped my wife and I get through a pregnancy late at work. We listen to your show and I'm closing.
34:23🔗
Caller
And also thank you for opening up the dialogue as far as what is going on and just saying some stuff that needs to be said.
34:52🔗
Caller
Go ahead. My question is how long after giving birth can me and my wife have sex and if it is an extended period of time, what can I do to pleasure her until then?
35:13🔗
We had a water birth.
35:28🔗
Adam
Well, I just think this... Hold on a second. All I'm saying is this started about the same time all that crap in the 70s started about guys being chicks and chicks being guys and us having to go through their experience and them having to experience our crap. We don't need to be there. I think there's a reason why we're not in that room, and I'm fine with it.
36:01🔗
Caller
She doesn't want you there, particularly. Mine was drugged from the waist down. That was during our love making.
36:12🔗
Adam
It's a procedure. I think I may have, yeah. Whatever it is, drug them up, take them out, go do your thing.
36:22🔗
Caller
It's an amazing thing to witness, though. I think it's an amazing thing. You know, the yuppies get to cut the cord. They do that stuff. But that's almost like doing something at Disneyland, that you get to do the...
36:33🔗
Adam
Yeah, no, I just, I don't need to see that. Plus, I don't need to see that area looking, you know, like Beirut. You know what I mean? I like to think that it's pristine, you know?
36:44🔗
Adam
A little soft swirl, some placenta, a couple of cords hanging from stuff. I don't need to see it looking in that shape. You know what I mean? It's like...
36:56🔗
Caller
Well, you don't want to see stuff in normal childbirth that goes inside out. You know, it's the hydra, which you'd add. That's wrong.
37:03🔗
Adam
Here's my deal. If you saw what your hotel room looked like the night before when the guy was in there partying with the hookers, you would never go in.
37:11🔗
Adam
Let the maid go in there, let her clean it up, let her put the paper band on the toilet, let her put the thing, let her fold the toilet paper a certain way, put a mint on the pill, then I'll come in. If I saw what was going on the night before, I wouldn't want to go in the room the next day. That's the same thing with me. I don't want to see it in its bad shape.
37:48🔗
Adam
Hold on. We were having a laugh and The Aristocrats, it brings us to mind. But I was laughing with somebody a few months back, and we're talking about on the show, which is the biggest insult you could say to someone 200 years ago was, I said good day. Think about that was you would have to duel if someone said good day. Especially if they said, I said good day, you'd have to break out the pistols right then and there. You wouldn't have to wait till now Sarah Silverman talking about things like that about your wife, things like that.
38:24🔗
I said good day.
38:25🔗
Drew
Now, Chris, why you will pleasure her the most. I will tell you that after pregnancy, women are not usually interested in sex, both the result of the profound drop in their hormone levels. The previous what?
38:50🔗
Caller
Well, it's only been a week and I've heard that, you know, there's issues with it and whatever. And it's still flowing down there and whatever.
39:11🔗
Drew
But you're always up. All right. Wow. What's wrong with you? Do you orgasm with oral sex?
39:20🔗
Drew
That's fine. No, yeah, it's fine. Look, it's usually even with a episiotomy, they only have you wait a couple of weeks. But here I would imagine Chris's wife, that what you want more than anything is him to help you with the baby and to.
39:35🔗
Adam
Put her down the road. I'm just saying. Here's the thing too. Tell me if I'm wrong here, Drew, but with the human body. If stuff like, it's like if you crash on a mountain bike, and you take a bad spill, but you stand up and you realize you're in one piece and nothing hurts, and you can walk, then you get back on the bike and start pedaling.
39:55🔗
Adam
I mean, your body will tell you. I mean, if the guy starts performing whatever on her, coitus or otherwise, the only exception- If something starts hurting, you have to stop. You don't feel anything.
40:04🔗
Drew
The exception thing if there are open wounds, if she had a cesarean section or a piece of the otomy, that kind of stuff, it's a different issue.
40:12🔗
Drew
Not necessarily. You would rip it before. Anyway, but you'd wait a little while, and a couple of weeks, not a big deal.
40:21🔗
Caller
If I fall off a mountain bike and I'm hurt pretty bad, when I get up, I am ready for oral sex.
40:25🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You make a little soft swirl in your riding shorts. And Drew, what about bringing down the swelling by sitting on a sack of ice?
40:40🔗
Adam
Okay. Well, take yourselves a little break. Drew, you just invented the world's worst sports rub. Bob Saget in studio tonight, The Aristocrats, name of the movie, out tomorrow.
40:55🔗
Adam
In a large release, and I don't even know what that means. And we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
41:02🔗
Hello, this is your radio.
41:05🔗
Love Line will be right back.
41:08🔗
Drew
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration wants to remind you to designate before you celebrate. If you plan on drinking, always have a sober designated driver. Law enforcement is cracking down from coast to coast. You drink and drive, you lose.
41:48🔗
Adam
Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, the potty-mouthed Bob Saget in the studio tonight. The Aristocrats is the name of the movie, out many stars in it. We had Howie Mandel in here talking about that, but my dear, dear friend Sarah Silverman is also in that.
42:08🔗
Adam
Oh, that's right. Yeah. She is in that, and it's out tomorrow on Friday in full scale, large release.
42:20🔗
Caller
I would hope so, but I don't think so. We were wanting to bring it to LA., but it was a lot of different things that kept it, but I loved it. It was a great experience. It was a successful thing, and it was a good thing. I melted down every performance. That was just because I wasn't good enough.
42:39🔗
Caller
LA theater doesn't have what, it does actually. It has more than we realize. I'll go down to the taper now and then, and go to the Geffen and see shows.
42:46🔗
Adam
Yeah. People complain about it a lot, but on the other hand, it's not like when you go see a show in LA., you're the only guy sitting in the theater. They're packed.
42:59🔗
Adam
Yeah. When I used to do sketch comedy, we had this over under thing when we're over at the Acme Theater. Well, back then, it was the Two Roads Theater. If there was more than four people in the crowd, we would do the show, but if there was less than four, we would not do the show. One night, it was just my grandparents, just the two of them, and we did the show anyway, and they didn't like it.
43:35🔗
Adam
No, they didn't. My grandfather's complaint was it was too loud, and my grandmother was a fan of a few bits in the show, none of which I was in.
43:49🔗
Yeah.
43:58🔗
I'm applying for student loans at school, and I'm out of money, so I know this millionaire, literally a millionaire. And I decide I go to him, and I don't really know him that well. And so I go to him, and I say, basically I'm gonna go to him and say, I need to borrow money from you, right? $14,000 loan, student loan. Anyway, go to his house, lives in Redlands. This happens tonight. And we start talking. And he says to me...
44:26🔗
Today, Junior!
44:32🔗
Okay, so he starts throwing out these statistics, right? About straight men. And he says that all of them really are heterosexual. Every man is really bisexual.
44:44🔗
Adam
Yeah. All right, listen, let's just skip ahead to the part where he's going to loan you the money, but he wants to give you a BJ.
44:49🔗
No, see, that's not what happened. Nothing like that eventually happened, but I'm just curious.
44:58🔗
Well, I just wanted to know...
45:03🔗
That's what I'm curious about. Was he coming on to me?
45:12🔗
Drew
Listen, the fact is that that's just a load of crap. It's reasonable to say those things.
45:18🔗
Well, I never asked for it because I was scared. I don't want to owe this guy. I don't want to have this guy. Good.
45:22🔗
Drew
Good instinct. But it's a worthy discussion. The fact is, again, this 70s crap, everyone's homosexual. They're born all cultured.
45:36🔗
Drew
Now, we have functional MRI scans of men looking at gay imagery. Men have this very characteristic threat response in their brain that they're not even consciously aware of. It's a pure biological event that seems to be somehow biologically ingrained. I went in this one scanner and they showed me this picture. I had no problem. Look at the picture and bother me. I didn't experience anything.
46:00🔗
Drew
And you look at your brain and your brain is going, no, just absolutely no. And then Adam, tell Bob the story about what we've been talking about in terms of how men respond to that, how straight men respond to it.
46:10🔗
Adam
Well, they respond like it's seeing their parents get it on. You know what I mean? You have to avert your gaze, pardon the pun. I mean, you have to put your hand up.
46:19🔗
Drew
Not that you feel bad about it, don't like it, or don't want anybody doing it, it's just like you have a reaction.
46:25🔗
Drew
So what the studies are going to be now is to look at what is going on in the homosexual brain that's different, that eliminates that response. And again, maybe it's something that developmentally occurs or whatnot, but the fact is, once a male is mature, heterosexual, no, no, no, there's no fluidity anymore.
46:41🔗
Adam
Yeah, the whole thing, here's the whole thing about the gay guys, there's two things they want to do. A, they want to get you high. You want to get high, you want to smoke out, you want to get high, you get high, you smoke out, you want to talk out, you want to get high. And then the other thing they want to explain to you is that we're all just gay. Here's the thing, you're already gay, I'm just going to liberate your anus. Your gayness. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, don't be uptight, you're not uptight.
47:07🔗
Adam
What, do you got a problem with gays? Yeah. No, not one of them. It's like saying, what, are you racist? You don't want to be black? It's like, I can't. I can't do it.
47:25🔗
Adam
I like to just, I want to just grant round everyone up from the 70s, start kicking them in the nuts.
47:32🔗
Drew
Here's the deal. Whenever people have an ideological point of view that they're trying to promote as a reason that they're making an argument, you do not listen to them.
47:44🔗
Adam
Yes. You were all wrong, you idiot, left wing hippie retards. And the one thing you missed was the sun. That's the one thing that was bad for you. Not microwaves, not the man, not the hairspray. Nothing was bad except for the one goddamn thing you idiots missed. And that was the sun. And the reason you never brought that up is because the man didn't make it. So it had to be good. Pussies. Apologize. I demand it and I want it in writing. We'll take a quick break. Bob Saget here tonight. We'll be right back after this. Dr. Drew Bob Saget is in studio tonight. The Aristocrats is the name of his movie.
49:25🔗
Adam
Yeah. I think it was a New York, LA, Chicago thing or something like that, but it's spreading out tomorrow.
49:37🔗
Adam
Not since I've been here. Now, Dave Matthews drew the story with the tour bus and emptying the septic tank.
49:59🔗
Adam
Well, his tour bus was driving, I think through Chicago, driving over one of those bridges that goes over the river. Yeah. The guy in the tour bus decided this would be a pretty decent place to empty the septic tank.
50:11🔗
Adam
Because I'm sure otherwise it costs 185 bucks or something when you pull into the place and do it.
50:19🔗
Adam
So we popped the septic tank. There was some fecal matter in there, but mostly semen. And God knows what else.
50:45🔗
Adam
You know, like when you go to Paris and they do the thing, just sitting out in the open and they were all doused with this stuff.
50:53🔗
Adam
And to me, like I'm not one of these litigious guys and the old chick who burns her crotch with the coffee or something like, get over it sweetie. But getting the fecal matter dumped on you, I'd say it's good for a couple of grand.
51:07🔗
Caller
I rented a Gulfstream trailer once to take my kids. It was like seven years ago. I was newly divorced and grabbed my kids and we went to the Grand Canyon. I thought it'd be real fun. It's like an eight-hour drive in this thing that doesn't handle very well. They said that for five bucks, you can find a guy that will hook a hose up to your septic tank and will empty it. This is the guy you want to meet.
51:34🔗
Caller
I returned it full. It was just full with no propane, no water, and just full of fecal matter. No semen. I was with my kids. I can't cross those boundaries.
51:47🔗
Adam
The septic tank guys, by the way, because all the years I used to work construction, they come in empty, the porta potty, the portasan, they come with the truck. Now, I think people think there's some hookup or something in the back. The thing that they know now, they unroll the hose, they drop the hose down the same hole you dropped the duke down. There's no, and if you picture one of the-
52:20🔗
Adam
That's all right. The point is, is if you look at one of those things, you don't see any spigots or hose bibs or anything on the outside. They just go and drop them right down the center there.
52:31🔗
Adam
And then start pumping that stuff out of there, throw a few mints in there, wrap up the hose, and go to the next job site. That is a rough gig. But I thought to myself, do not F with this guy. You do not want to be the roommate who stiffed him on the first and last.
52:49🔗
Adam
You don't want to be the girlfriend that got busted cheating. This guy could come in, pop the wind wing open on your car, just slide it in there and just hit reverse on it, and just top it off. I mean, he just put in the sunroof for your car, and then just finish it with a trial, and put his initials in, like a sidewalk. I mean, literally, that's what he could do.
53:14🔗
Adam
I mean, and that's the thing too, if you're going to do it, you go in through the sunroof.
53:21🔗
Adam
You finish it off so it's a little heavy, but you screed it off. You just use like a four-foot level and screed it, then you use a sponge trial to bring the moisture up, and then you hit it with the steel trial to give it a nice smooth finish.
53:41🔗
Adam
It would be kind of cool though if you lived in the apartment building of the chick that had it done to her after this guy got pissed off when she cheated on him. You got up earlier and cheated and you just walked by her car in her parking spot.
53:57🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's awesome. All right, I'm just saying do not f with that guy. By the way, that guy is more likely to do it than anyone else. It's not like he's an accountant or anything.
54:10🔗
Caller
If I walked out to my car and it was full of poo, first because I'm a little bit known, I would be like Ashton.
54:20🔗
Adam
Stephanie, you guys, by the way, have something in common with the Olsen Twins. Oh, yeah, how about that? Drew playing the father. You saw the movie.
54:46🔗
Caller
My question is, well, I've been having sex with my boyfriend for nine months, right? Up until like a month ago, it's been like, well, it's always great, but it's been easy and everything like to insert it and get going with it, even if I'm well-liberated or not. Now, it's like it hurts because it feels like my vagina is getting smaller.
55:15🔗
Drew
Well, that can dry. That's it? Yeah, that's what's happening. It can dry out a little bit and make things a little different.
55:25🔗
Drew
Thank you for the image, but it still can change things a little bit. The environment is now different. Sometimes it's just estrogen deficiency. What pill are you taking?
56:14🔗
Adam
Glaxo sounds like an emperor from a different galaxy. It's going to come down and try to take over. Glaxo, Lord Glaxo is here. Look out, we got to take him down. You know what I mean?
56:36🔗
Drew
Well, the whole thing, the way that they come up with the names for these products, here is what people don't understand. All drugs have two names, right? They have a generic name and a trade name. Generic name, totally made up. Totally made up.
56:48🔗
Drew
Usually with some acronym or some prefix or suffix or something that is consistent with the class of medicine.
57:08🔗
Drew
Sudanophil. The trade name also completely made up, but highly tested and with power consonants in there. In the last five years, it's been Xs and Vs and Zs. Xanax and Vitor and Viagra.
57:34🔗
Drew
Oh, so the procedure, the hundreds of millions of dollars to bring a drug from conception to the marketplace is hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars and it's done by multiple research centers at universities. But the drug company pays for it. Right. But it's done by independent.
57:50🔗
Adam
I know. Everyone thinks they should be free. Like everyone's PO'd, like this is medicine. We have a right to this stuff. Well, it costs this independent company millions of dollars to manufacture this thing.
58:05🔗
Adam
All the R&D and all the attorneys, by the way, you pussies love so much. These are the ones that are driving the price up. But look, the second it's free, that's the second they stop working on it, you idiots.
58:19🔗
Drew
No, no, he means as soon as a company can't make money off the products, they're not going to do the research.
58:23🔗
Caller
They discontinue it. I have a friend who had scleroderma, which is what I lost my sister to, and she was the head of the foundation. And at the time, there was this thing called relaxin, which was supposedly simulated the female hormone of pregnancy.
58:38🔗
Caller
But they were going to discontinue the drug, and she went to Chicago, like in the movie The Fugitive, and said, please don't do this or I'll go to the press. And they kept it going.
58:47🔗
Drew
There are multiple drugs that have been taken off the market because of attorneys and legal problems, and people suffer, and the companies can't bring them back. There's no way. It's impossible. That's why she was very courageous to get them to keep it. This is the thing. If drug companies can't make money for medication, they will stop doing research and we will not have drugs. That's it. It's a very simple equation. Why would they do it if there's not a business opportunity? It costs $800 million to bring a drug to market. If they're not going to recoup that, they're not going to do it.
59:15🔗
Adam
There's this feeling that certain companies are evil and other companies are cool. Well, drug companies are evil, but then package delivery companies are fine. FedEx, that's fine. But no, they're just companies that are trying to make money. If you start saying, FedEx should deliver for free or make no profit or we deserve parcels in a timely manner and we don't, it's a God-given right, then they go out of business. They're not evil. They're just company. They're trying to make money.
59:50🔗
Adam
I want to say one more thing as long as I'm railing and brought this up in a little while. But all you guys out there with all the problems, kiss the man's ass. AIDS, HIV, the man solved that problem. The man, all those drugs, all those drug companies, not your pussy herbalist, not the Chinaman, not that guy, not the wisdom of the Orient, not your faggity friends with your crappy teas and the hibiscus and the green teas. Anyone who drank that crap is dead. The man, the man came up with chemicals, chemicals. And they cured you and the AZT and they cured the AIDS and the HIV.
1:00:42🔗
Adam
Of course. Everyone knows. It's just, here's the thing. I want these people held accountable.
1:00:51🔗
Adam
Yeah, do me a favor, you left-wing pussies. Next time you come out, come out with HIV, don't take the man's poison. Go down to the herbalist. Talk to him. Get a little ginseng, rub that on you. Drink some green tea. We'll see how long you last.
1:01:05🔗
Drew
South Park did a great episode about that where Kenny gets kidney failure and he goes to the herbalist and he starts dying and they go like, we don't know what we're doing. We're not doctors. What are you talking about? They're like, what? You told us this stuff cures people.
1:01:17🔗
Adam
Yeah, all that stuff works if you don't actually have anything. The second you have something, then you have to start taking the drugs. When you have this phantom nonsense, because you got molested when you were nine and so you have these headaches that don't really exist or the back pain that doesn't exist or whatever, the chronic fatigue syndrome that doesn't exist. Because if it can be cured with a placebo, then you can cure it because you think the green tea makes you feel better so you drink it so you feel better because it's all in your head. But the second you come down with something that's actually diagnosable, then you have to take what the man gives you because your crap doesn't work.
1:01:51🔗
Caller
But there are some people that are so sick that the drugs don't work and then they turn to the Chinese medicine and the needles.
1:02:06🔗
Drew
I was reading an article about this the other day that people have real trouble. The Egyptians doctors used to have three statements to their patients. They would say, I will treat this. I cannot treat this. I will struggle with this.
1:02:25🔗
Caller
You're going to die. They tell you, too many doctors that I've been to and I lost my sister to this disease said, you're going to die.
1:02:31🔗
Drew
Well, you were supposed to do that. Yeah. Because you're going to. That's the fact. We know when it's going to happen.
1:02:51🔗
Drew
No. My hardest thing is when they fight against reality, whatever it is. Whatever is really going on, they don't want to believe it. And that's a hard thing because they're going to be in pain for it, and it's going to be miserable, and they're going to be-
1:03:04🔗
Adam
Also, there's too many of those crappy shows on Oxygen where they go, the doctor gave her six months. That was six years ago, and she's thriving today. We hear so many of those, the doctor gave me six months, the doctor gave me six months. And I don't really believe it half the time when the person said, the doctor looked at me and he said, you are going to not live to see your- I think that's what they hear. It's like when a chick hears the guy called me fat when really the guy said I like the other skirt on you better.
1:03:36🔗
Drew
And I would begin to get your things in order. But if you'd like to try treatment, there are things we can do.
1:03:45🔗
Drew
And there are cases, reports, people make it three, five, but not more than five. Kind of thing. You'd say that.
1:03:54🔗
Caller
I have a dog with with prostate cancer right now. And I had nothing to do with it. Nobody is sorry. He had his spleen out like a month ago. Well, he had a spleen had a different kind of cancer. He's a sick King Charles. Lymphoma. Wow. Beautiful. But he's OK. The spleen area is all clean. It was inside the spleen only. But he's getting chemo. I got a dog getting chemo. And you love your dog.
1:04:29🔗
Adam
She's she's good enough. She's good enough to go back to the hospital for something else. You know, here's the deal. My wife's a hypochondriac. The dog, if the dog naps for more than six hours, my wife gathers dog up and goes down to the bed. But she's ching ching.
1:04:47🔗
Adam
Munchausen by proxy syndrome. With dogs. The point is, That's very funny. The snake bite venom. Oh, she'll do it eventually when they have kids, I'm sure. The snake bite venom was like two grand. Then the two days in the ICU or whatever the hell the dog was, that was another like 2500 bucks. Yeah, we're going through that. Then the dog's going back again the other day. I've spent eight grand on the dog in less than a year.
1:05:16🔗
Caller
I've done it in a couple of months. It's like $800 a chemo shot. I'm thinking of getting them.
1:05:21🔗
Adam
I know. They know they got you by the way of us. In the second I say to the wife, well, listen, the dog's fine. They'll ride it out. I constantly.
1:05:32🔗
Adam
I have to explain to my wife, it's a dog, it's a dog, and then she covers the dog's ears. Don't you let Molly find out. She's like, dog's going to find out she's a dog.
1:05:43🔗
Drew
You love your dog. Your wife needs to have kids. I love my dog. Once you have kids, your dog becomes a dog.
1:05:49🔗
Caller
Well, my kids, I have three daughters. They love this, a different one of them sleeps with them every night. I mean, they love this guy.
1:06:21🔗
Caller
Well, I live with my dad for three days a week. When I live with him, he comes home kind of late at night, and he'll just go crazy, yell at me and sometimes...
1:06:54🔗
Adam
Right. Well, he has an anger problem, but if he comes home and you're asleep, or he comes home and you're just watching TV, why is he yelling?
1:07:02🔗
Caller
He'll find something wrong. Like, if I did something wrong that day or before, he'll just get mad at me for it.
1:07:12🔗
Adam
Right. But he probably... I mean, I'm sure the guy is a pain in the ass, but he probably comes home and says, did you do your homework? And you say, no. And then he starts screaming, right?
1:08:04🔗
Adam
Yeah. Whenever the court says, we're giving you back to a physically and verbally abusive dad, it means mom is a train wreck.
1:08:29🔗
Adam
All right. So here are your choices. Okay. If the guy raises a hand to you, if his hand makes contact with you, you need to call Child Protective Services.
1:08:43🔗
Drew
Your second plan is to lay low, stay under the radar, get great grades, and get the hell out of there.
1:08:48🔗
Adam
Because here's the thing. A bad parent is like just having a sentence in a bad prison, which is there's a guard who beats the crap out of everyone, there's an evil warden. Your job is to not have them notice you. Yes. Model prisoner. Just go to school, do your homework. If they tell you to put the tray back in the way, go do it. Whatever they tell you to do, just do it and then you start getting involved with activities at school that are outside the house, and I don't mean running around with the sharks and the, who else was in West Side Story?
1:09:28🔗
Adam
The Jets and the Sharks. I'm talking about cheerleading and Spanish club and stuff like that.
1:09:33🔗
Caller
When she's 18, is it clemency? What do you call it when you're emancipated from your parents? Do you have to do that legally?
1:09:54🔗
Adam
All right, if he makes contact with you, he'll call the cops. Other than that, you're going to want to rebel, and rebelling is going to make him explode.
1:10:09🔗
Adam
But listen, you got to understand, Eileen, this guy is a drill sergeant. You're a new recruit. Yes, sir. No, sir. Make the bed, polish the shoes. Let's start marching.
1:10:24🔗
Adam
It'll pay dividends. But just start hanging out at school, have your friends, and do that. It's sad, but you just have to go that way.
1:10:33🔗
Adam
Ultimately, I think what ends up happening is the kids get angry, and the kids are freaked out, and the kids end up agitating- They run away. They end up- Now, in their mind, dad says, did you do your homework? And they say yes, and he freaks out. The reality is, he asks they do the homework, they say none of your business, and the dad freaks out.
1:11:03🔗
Caller
Right. How persecuted they were, and how unhappy he is. He's doing it because he's miserable.
1:11:07🔗
Adam
Well, it's got to be, there are a few things you can judge yourself by. One of them is if your kids despise you. That's just a bad sign. Yeah. Whenever they do that thing, they're talking about Ted Williams, and they're like, he was a good guy, he was a bad guy, he was a great guy, he was a horrible guy. His kids hate him. When your kids hate you, that's to me, judge, jury, and executioner. It's all I need to know.
1:11:36🔗
Adam
It's one thing if you have a 14-year-old who's rebelling and can't stand the new stepmom. It's another thing if your adult children just won't talk to you and hate your guts. It's all I need to know about you. Nature or nurture, you got three kids, that's three more people on the planet that despise you, you ain't a great guy.
1:11:55🔗
Caller
It just doesn't make sense because people do talk down to their kids too, like they're things. And instead of, I'm sure you do the same way with your kids.
1:12:04🔗
Caller
You don't know them at all, you number them. But I just go by their age. I went with my kids, I just talk to them like they're not as programmed as an adult, but my 12-year-old's smarter, they're all smarter than me.
1:12:26🔗
Adam
Hopefully if she gets it together. Unless she hooks up with an abusive guy, which is what happens a lot. Which is what she's going to be attracted to.
1:12:43🔗
Adam
I did, but I always found them during their sort of, they would be hypersexual and then they would be dormant. I would catch them during the dormant period. Same thing when I went to the zoo and would think I would see alligators thrashing around, it was always when they were sleeping.
1:12:57🔗
Caller
I had a weird thing happen at the zoo. I went there and a turtle jumped out of the water.
1:13:01🔗
Caller
He bit me on my penis. Wow. You know how they put their head all the way in their shell? Yeah. Ran around like on America's Funniest Show Videos with the turtle shell on my penis.
1:13:12🔗
Caller
I did air it. I aired it and I aired my penis afterward because it was covered with C-Funk.
1:13:22🔗
Adam
Let's take ourselves a little break. Bob Saget, covered with C-Funk, name is the latest CD.
1:13:44🔗
Caller
Loveline is brought to you by the American Legacy Foundation's Truth Campaign, truth promoting well-informed decisions since 1999.
1:14:14🔗
Adam
Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Bob Saget in studio tonight, The Aristocrats is the name of his new movie coming out tomorrow, the 19th.
1:14:28🔗
Caller
It's not really mine, no. I can't, I can't claim possession of this filthy, filthy thing. I am here. I'm of Loveline now.
1:14:40🔗
Adam
Yeah. Part of it is probably the against type, and the other part is just doing a great job.
1:15:12🔗
Adam
Hey, Corey. How are you doing? I thought you were starting. I thought we were going to do a cheer.
1:15:19🔗
Adam
Introduce yourself. Okay. Introduce yourself. Uh-huh. Here we come. My name is Adam. Okay. I bet you wonder where we've been. We're a team that can't be beat. You know what? What I do during the commercial break to Anderson is sacred.
1:16:26🔗
Caller
It looks like a little bit like puffy, kind of like they've hardened a little bit, but they-
1:16:41🔗
Drew
Do you remember those rafts we'd have to be on with a canvas that would just wear your skin off?
1:16:45🔗
Adam
Well, we didn't own any of those, but I did see the blue and yellow ones at the neighbor's house. Yes, if that's what you're talking about. Yeah. Ramps were considered too high-tech for the Corollas. Yeah. Oh, it holds air? Please.
1:17:03🔗
Drew
All right, Corey. This is gynecomastia you're talking about, and it may be associated with milk production even sometimes called the galactoria, all those things when usually it's just the swelling and enlargement of the breast tissue that causes the irritation. The most common reason for that is medication, but there are some other conditions that can be associated with that. So you really do need to see a doctor about it.
1:17:25🔗
Adam
You know what's crazy is when we were growing up, there was one of everything. Like there was a raft.
1:17:34🔗
Adam
There was a raft. There was that blue canvas raft with the weird yellow plastic stuff on it.
1:17:44🔗
Adam
That was the belly board. If you wanted the game, that was operation. That was it. There was one channel, there was one raft, there's one everything. And there was like one commercial. Be like, oh, mama mia, that's a spicy meatball. Or I can't believe I ate the whole thing. Or whatever, that was it. That's the commercial. That can't happen anymore because there's a billion of everything. There's a billion cars, there's a billion commercials, there's a billion stations, there's a billion rafts. There's a billion everything. I don't know, see, you used to be able to just make a joke and if you said, where's the beef? Everyone knew what you were talking about.
1:18:30🔗
Adam
Yeah. Maybe the MasterCard one where it's like the priceless one about whatever, this, that, priceless. But there's a couple, but not really. But there's certainly not just one of everything. You get your choice. You want an and.
1:18:55🔗
Caller
Yeah. But there's a lot more television options, but it's not all great stuff. I mean, you can't.
1:19:03🔗
Adam
But it's a pie that just keeps getting whacked up into smaller pieces. I was talking to my Discovery guys the other day, and they're like, oh, Miami Ink, our new show, it's doing great. We got the greatest ratings we had ever last week. We got a.42. It's like, not even one guy watched it? No, it's like, yeah, under, we're into the tens, we're getting into the hundreds now.
1:19:33🔗
Adam
Well, maybe it was a five, one, maybe it was a six or seven, but the point is, they were elated. It's something that wasn't even one.
1:19:44🔗
Caller
I had a show that failed, that I was on CBS before Full House, and it got a 3.1 rating in the morning against the Today Show.
1:20:07🔗
Adam
Balky. Yeah. Used to watch that Friday Nights. He's got a huge career now. Friday Nights.
1:20:11🔗
Caller
I was on Buzz and Buddy's. I had sore nipples actually. No, I was- I know I was the-
1:20:35🔗
Yeah.
1:21:00🔗
Caller
No, they tried to go in that way, but they said something about there being a barrier behind my belly button at some point. And so they ended up having to open me up.
1:21:19🔗
Adam
Is laparoscopy always going through the belly button, or does that just mean feeding it up something?
1:21:31🔗
Drew
Yes, that's what they call it. Well, yeah, yeah. Right, okay. It's a funny thing. It's just so much historical anachronism in medicine. If you have a laparotomy, it's usually a gynecologist going to the pelvis through the abdomen. If you have a celiotomy, it's a general surgeon opening up in the middle. Right. It's ridiculous.
1:21:52🔗
Adam
Go ahead, Michelle. When people sit there, they listen to Drew talk about this crap for two hours, and then the guests will say during the commercial, so you're a counselor, or you're a therapist. You haven't heard him just quote all the crazy Grecian stuff for the last two hours?
1:22:09🔗
Adam
Yeah. It's like, should you counseling? Are you licensed? Did you get your doctorate? Michelle?
1:22:18🔗
Caller
Well, okay. That was when I was 19. I'm 28 now and I'm just wondering is endometriosis recurrent?
1:22:26🔗
Drew
Yes, it is recurrent and it is associated with fertility trouble in your 30s, generally speaking. Now it sounds like they did-
1:22:37🔗
Caller
Oh, yeah. I've been with my husband for five years and we've not used anything for five years and I've never been pregnant.
1:22:44🔗
Drew
All right. Get to a fertility specialist and get going because you need to get on it. But really 33 is a cutoff for people that-
1:22:50🔗
Adam
Shouldn't her doctor have talked to her about this already? She's married and has this?
1:23:26🔗
Drew
Well, no, Kaiser's tough to get enrolled into these days. That's considered high-end insurance.
1:23:34🔗
Adam
Worse name for business ever, the Permanente. When they added the Permanente part to Kaiser, that's like you're checking in but you're never leaving the hospital. Permanente is like, are you guys high? Permanente? It's a horrible name.
1:23:58🔗
Adam
It's right in the name. You're supposed to keep statistical accounts of something, but arbitrary is right in your name. What? Are people high?
1:24:08🔗
Adam
Okay. I always wonder how this stuff even like, the part of life I'm interested is not the achievement, not the human achievement part. It's like when I'm driving down the freeway and I see one of those Pontiac Aztec vans goes by and it's the, looks like the car Homer invented in the Simpsons episode.
1:24:25🔗
Caller
There's new cars out there called Fuentes and Plantas and things that you never, they don't even look like a car. They're like all black bumper and there's less car.
1:24:51🔗
Adam
They called an option. It really would be a step up aesthetically. So here's the thing.
1:25:01🔗
Adam
Yeah. So I always think to myself, now somebody drew this out, then somebody made it out of clay, then somebody made modifications to it.
1:25:15🔗
Drew
All you need to do. F-Troop, I Dream of Jeannie, Gilligan's Island. Somebody had to dream those up and execute the Hogan's Heroes. Thank you.
1:25:28🔗
Adam
All right, but this existed in a model form for years before it was the first one rolled out.
1:25:36🔗
Caller
They should have stopped at Clay. They should have stopped at Clay. It should have been Clay.
1:25:40🔗
Adam
Right. That's the point. You see so much junk out there and you go, how did this get off the ground?
1:25:45🔗
Caller
Well, American cars. You look at what comes out of Detroit and it's depressing. They really should step it up.
1:25:51🔗
Drew
People believe their own ass. Right. They decide something's a good idea and they cannot be persuaded.
1:26:02🔗
Adam
That's right. We need their herbalist. All right. We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back with Bob Saget after this.
1:26:16🔗
Adam
Ready for something new? Try Durex tingling condoms. There's sex, and then there's Durex.
1:26:43🔗
Adam
We'll keep our fingers crossed, Bob. Bob Saget in studio tonight. Bob is a dear, dear, dear friend of the show.
1:27:10🔗
Adam
We will hop back to the phones and see if we can talk to as many people as we can before we got to break again. Steve? Yeah. You're 20?
1:28:03🔗
Adam
I know. It sucks. I'm so tired of everyone. My head would just sweat. You had the surgery? The Baptist minister. Yeah.
1:28:12🔗
Adam
It was hot in here, just dripping down my face. Everyone always does that thing where they go, it's healthy. Your body is. Shut the F up. Everyone thinks you're high on coke or nervous or shifty or whatever. Yeah. No, I would sweat like you would sweat maybe under your armpit. My armpit would be dry in my forehead.
1:28:32🔗
Drew
Sometimes it'd be like a comedy routine. You know, if somebody had put sprinklers under his forehead, just.
1:28:40🔗
Adam
I'll tell you how you do the surgery. They go in through your side little rib there and they do something to a nerve and it cuts it off.
1:28:53🔗
Drew
And so they block the sort of sympathetic response to the top of the head, and you start sweating everywhere else.
1:29:05🔗
Adam
Geez. I don't, I don't, yeah, it was more than I bargained for, but I'm glad I did it.
1:29:14🔗
Adam
It's a chick who had it, who was next to me, who I couldn't figure out. I couldn't figure- It was like a 17-year-old chick who was hot and blonde and from Arizona and wanting to have this surgery. And I thought to myself, well, I used to sweat when I, you know, but it's 17, first off, hot females don't do a whole lot of sweating. But then I started, but from Arizona, I started concocting the stories about beauty pageants and her mom. And I had it all worked out in my head that this is basically John Bonet, you know, ten years later.
1:29:49🔗
Adam
No, but she would go- She needed to perform. She would go out on stage and perform and her mom would see the sweat on her and said, we're going to take you to LA and get this procedure done.
1:30:00🔗
Adam
Point is, this chick was lying in the bed next to me, just screaming after the thing. My chest. I was like, yeah, I hurt too, baby, but I ain't broadcasting it. Stiff upper lip.
1:30:18🔗
Drew
Well, they have different procedure for the hands and different one for- but it's the hands and the face basically.
1:30:23🔗
Adam
So let me tell you a couple of things, Steve. A, they have this procedure. B, there's some topical crap now.
1:30:32🔗
Adam
Yeah, but no, here's another one. This is internet crap, but here's the deal. I was getting makeup put on for- I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. And the makeup artist had this big bottle of stuff she said she just got from the store, the beauty supply store. She said it was developed by makeup artist, herbalist. No, it was developed by guys to put under prosthetics because these guys would have these prosthetics put on and obviously you're sweating under it, it would start getting loose and bubbling up and stuff. She said it works like a champ. So here's the thing, Steve, go on the internet, look for this stuff. It's just all that aluminum chloride stuff. Just go find this stuff and you just dab it on before you have a big date or big job interview or something like that.
1:31:20🔗
Caller
Yeah, it's my whole scalp. But I had a quick question for Drew about dry-saw. Is that safe to use on your scalp?
1:31:50🔗
Caller
What if you're in cold? What if you wear like a meat cutter and you're in the refrigerator all the time? Isn't that a good thing to do then?
1:32:24🔗
Caller
My question was, is it abnormal after you have sex, you just feel disgusting? You just.
1:32:35🔗
Adam
Never again, I swear. And then the clock moves one minute. I'm out of my cell phone. Never again is the proclamation. You see the clock move one.
1:32:48🔗
Adam
Just a small hand, just a big hand. All right. Yeah, no. Actually, they cut to a hummingbird. So it's like, never again, hummingbird, three count on a hummingbird, and then me backing myself.
1:33:47🔗
Drew
Then I would tend to blame that relationship. You need to find somebody you're really into and that feeling will magically go away.
1:34:03🔗
Caller
Oh, thank you. You don't have to go that far, but that's very sweet. I met a guy who has a website called Bob Saget has got and I met this guy and he got on his knees and started bowing to me. He said, I'm not worthy. I'm like, dude, get up at his eye.
1:35:31🔗
Adam
The Aristocrats, everybody is out as we speak because it's technically Friday. I want to thank Rick for doing a great job engineering all week. Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Producer Lauren for doing a great job. Shave, there are only like 13 there. Producer Ann for doing a great job. Booking people like Dave Matthews coming on next week. Bob Saget, well, he's here now.
1:36:10🔗
Adam
Marcus for doing a great job wiping Drew's ass and Michelle. And until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.
1:36:17🔗
Caller
Thank you for opening up the dialogue as far as what is going on and just saying some stuff that needs to be said.
1:36:32🔗
Adam
The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.