2:38🔗
Yeah.
5:35🔗
How could you? How could you?
5:39🔗
We're going to need a written apology.
5:41🔗
We need a written apology.
8:21🔗
This is Loveline.
8:30🔗
Adam
That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew is a board-certified physician and addiction medicine specialist. Tonight's guest, The Love, The Host.
8:51🔗
I'll help you save some for me.
8:56🔗
Poopy.
9:07🔗
Adam
Yeah. Drew and I are... Why don't we open that up? Because we were talking about the snot rocket.
9:16🔗
Adam
And by the way, the average male over the course of a lifetime pushes out something like 36,000 snot rockets. Average female, .2. It's not even a full snot rocket.
9:35🔗
Drew
I've always said, one of the most amazing experiences I had was when I walked into the early days of the Man Show and you had your little setup there by Stone Stanley and they had their own bathroom.
9:45🔗
Drew
That man show was just getting going. And there's a latrine there, a stand up latrine, and two side by side in front of each, about 37 snot rockets right there, right in front, right where your eye hits the wall.
9:58🔗
I don't know where the other four came from.
10:01🔗
Adam
Yeah. And, you know, I would think I would think like Sir Walter Raleigh probably blew a snot rocket if he was jogging back in the day.
10:08🔗
Sure.
10:10🔗
Adam
You know, all the all the great gentry of your I'm sure Einstein blew a snot rocket or two. Tony Randall, Don Juan, Don Juan probably blew a snot rocket. They all blew snot rockets.
10:24🔗
Drew
And let's but now let's we modified it. It's not rocket. We decided it was the all-inclusive term that needed to be modified.
10:30🔗
Adam
But yet we came up with something well, because all there was was snot rocket because it needed no need to think beyond that. The guys in the the boys in the band taking back Sunday pointed out farmers hanky. But I don't know, that could be a sleeve or something, you know. No. So Drew came out with snot shot.
10:56🔗
Adam
The N and the H. Yeah. And the alliteration. Yeah. Solid. Snot shot. I reiterated my douche nozzle insult. A lot of people call people douche bags. You never hear about the nozzle part. That's the business part.
11:16🔗
Adam
So I call a guy a douche nozzle baggie. It's perfect, by the way, for, you know, it's great for the construction site. It's great for work. It's great for all applications. Sounds like sports.
11:29🔗
Let's get back to work now.
11:33🔗
See what I'm saying?
11:35🔗
Adam
Douche nozzles. And it's perfect for this sort of guy from Boston, Mass or maybe the New York long, the Queen's or the long douche nozzles. You can really just turn it and turn it in one long, crappy word. So we'd like to see people start using douche nozzle and snot shot perfect in place of the snot rocket. Although I got to say, snot rocket is solid.
11:58🔗
Drew
Yeah, yeah. You couldn't, it's surprised, I was surprised last night that I could come up with something even that measured up.
12:19🔗
It's purposeful.
12:34🔗
Adam
Part of the reason women don't get the snot rocket going, I think, is they don't get enough cabasa sweat. You get that head sweat going. It really prompts a snot rocket. You feel your forehead start ripping and the brow start mopping up. They start wicking up the sweat. It's almost begging for a snot rocket. Women don't get that head sweat going, so that's enough snot rocket. Are you ready to rock?
12:58🔗
Adam
You know, the ultimate snot rockets are boxers. Oh, yeah. Boxers are a blast one. I mean, there's probably many a journalist, many photographers, been nailed, many a celebrity sitting ringsides, been blasted with a snot rocket.
13:22🔗
Guest
Oh, what's up? I have a question. Last week, like, around Friday or Thursday, me and my boyfriend had sex, and I started bleeding, but it wasn't, like, period blood, and I heard yesterday's question about anal, and of course how it could cause a tear, and I want to know because of the tear, or what's another reason it could be that I was bleeding.
13:43🔗
Drew
Just having sex can make you bleed. That's very common. Now, if you had torn, usually the tear occurs towards the backside there and it hurts.
14:14🔗
A little salt, a little snot rock.
14:20🔗
Drew
It all is possible. But, Jessica, we're speculating about things. Who knows? You need a gynecologist to look in there and see what's going on.
14:27🔗
I'm the big boy.
14:51🔗
Guest
No, I don't know. We just... We've been together for a long time, so we don't really, like, worry about that stuff.
14:59🔗
Drew
The bleeding could be pregnancy, very likely. Or a tubal pregnancy. So it's something you need to get checked out immediately, okay?
15:13🔗
Adam
What do you think? I mean, what's going on? Here's what I want to know. Do you consider yourself stupid?
15:24🔗
Adam
Okay, so why are you doing things that would lead other people to believe you're stupid? You know, you're just having sex, constant, frequent sex...
15:43🔗
Adam
Yeah, I know, he finishes on the comforter, like a gentleman, but that doesn't mean you can't get pregnant.
15:56🔗
Adam
The phone is f-ed up, so I'm putting her on hold. But here's the deal, everybody. Do you have, do you value your life? And I don't mean you care if you die. I just mean, do you value your life? It's not all about, you know, life and death or wanting to beat cancer or wanting to, you know, thwart a gunman. It's like, do you want a kid at 18 and a half? Do you want to live in poverty? Do you want to have to devote your life to another human? Well, you know, well, you're still essentially a child. Do you want to go to college? You want to travel? You want to see things?
16:34🔗
Guest
Jessica. I don't know, because like it's happened before. I mean, we've been having this for a long time.
16:39🔗
Jessica, Jessica, stop.
16:41🔗
Adam
Jessica, are you retarded? Your argument of we've had sex a whole bunch, therefore, without protection, therefore you can't get pregnant.
17:03🔗
Guest
So, so the whole point is I should just go get checked in about the whole bleeding situation?
17:15🔗
Drew
It's all that magical thing. Well, if I talk my way out of it, then it's not going to be the case.
17:19🔗
Adam
Just go get checked and please get on some birth control, would you? And I don't know what your JO boyfriend is doing, but come on, buddy.
17:28🔗
I wonder.
17:42🔗
Adam
Yes, participate in your life. That's what I'm asking you to do. Go ahead, be a participant. Drew seems to care more about what's coming out of you than you. That's what I'm saying.
18:16🔗
Adam
The phone lines are so effed up tonight. It's only here every third word that comes out of everyone's mouth.
18:41🔗
Yeah.
18:44🔗
Hey, Adam and Drew.
18:59🔗
No, that was me.
19:00🔗
Oh.
19:01🔗
Caller
We got a technical issue at this end, and I tried to fix it, and doing so hung up on him.
19:15🔗
Yeah.
19:19🔗
Yeah, I got a question for you, man. Oh, by the way, man, I love your show, man. Your show is awesome, dude.
19:26🔗
Caller
Hey, I got a question, man. My penis, it curves to the left. I was wanting to know if that was a problem.
19:49🔗
Adam
I like the cut of your jib, son. Keep talking. Have you ever had any oral sex? No. I'll tell you one of the things I like about a curved penis is, you know, when you're screwing with someone and you give them that BJ thing where you make a fist. Don't do it to Chris.
20:38🔗
Drew
All right, Chris. Yeah. Curvature is not a big deal as long as it doesn't have caused difficulty having an erection or cause your partner pain, which is another issue. But usually some curve, it's one way or another. That's why would tailors ask you to which side you dress?
20:55🔗
Adam
They used to. They don't ask you that anymore. I've been to the tailor. No one asked them. What side you wear your dork on? Yours. Well, for you, it's an issue.
21:24🔗
Caller
Well, quite frankly, man, I'm a good looking guy, you know, but for some reason, man, I just have like if if I ask a girl to be my girlfriend, I mean, I dated a whole bunch of girls, but man, like on the fourth date or whatever, I'd ask them to be my girlfriend. They just, they kind of make it.
21:48🔗
All right, I get the point.
21:50🔗
What is that?
22:48🔗
Caller
Well, we laugh, you know, I mean, we hang out and everything like that. You know, we kiss and everything like that. Yeah, that everything's all cool. But whenever I ask, you know, then they just kind of turn it away. I don't know if maybe they're scared, you know, they don't want to be with anybody or what.
23:13🔗
Adam
Here's the thing. Women, 20 year old women are, man, they're, okay. Let me say this, Drew.
23:21🔗
Adam
Let's talk. Can we talk? Everybody talks about women, how they want to be treated, what women want, what women like. They are talking about 35 year old married women when they talk about show her affection, give her flowers, make her feel precious and pretty. Tell her, yeah, that's all the crap the wife wants you to do in year number nine of marriage. 19 year old chicks, totally different animal. People need to know there's a set of rules for dealing. It's like this. There's a set of rules. You write a book to deal with adolescents or you'd have one to deal with adult psychology. It's not, yes, they're both human beings. It's a different person. You must be approached totally differently. And they don't do this with women. Women at 17, 18, 19, completely different beings than they are at 33, 35, okay? So, 19 year old chicks, when you start spilling your guts to them, that's a turn off, that's a deal breaker, that freaks them out. You find yourself a 33 year old chick who's divorced twice and has three kids, you start laying it out to her, you begin to receive oral halfway into that speech and that's with the kids in the car. Oh yes.
24:42🔗
Adam
I'm sorry. The point, no, no, don't apologize. I learned some valuable techniques. The point is, do not treat the 18 year old chicks like that. I'm sorry to say, but you, saying how much fun you've had over the last three dates and how serious you are about them and how much you think about them and all that, does not work. You can't freak them. You have to play it cool. I'm not saying you have to BS completely, just know the rules of the game and play it that way.
25:11🔗
Adam
And I don't know, what do you do on that fourth date? Do you leave him hangin a little bit, you know? I mean, it's really...
25:22🔗
He's the nice guy.
25:24🔗
Drew
He's already in trouble. Yeah. But the fact that he had four dates means that there could be something coming. But the last thing they want is any sense of, I don't know, what do you want to do?
25:43🔗
Adam
No. Yeah, I know. But this is not about a curved penis. It's about asymmetry in the sac.
25:54🔗
Caller
Yes. I am, gentlemen. Dr. Drew, Adam, love you guys. Adam, I had a question. You touched on attack crows. I wanted to know, as president, how would you use them? Would you use them for offense or defense? Who would have them? Would you diff them out to celebrities or would you stick them on certain people?
26:15🔗
Adam
Well, here's what I've been saying for many years. And by the way, my ideas come to fruition. There's no doubt about it. I used to talk about the dogs that sniffed for cancer and a sniff for venereal disease.
26:41🔗
Adam
But here's my point. The attack crows. How do these work? OK, crows are super smart and they're super mean. One thing people don't know about birds is they're mean. People think birds are your buddy. Birds are like flying dinosaurs that hate you. They have a brain the size of your fingernail and all they want you for is food. And you don't believe me? Get yourself a pet bird. Feed it, love it, clean it, take care of it for nine years and then reach into its cage and see if it doesn't try to bite your thumb off. That's how birds are. They make tons of noise. They're stupid and they're primitive. And all they want to do is f with people. They love it. I mean, if you ever had a cat that went out and screwed with a blue jay's nest or something like that, he'll be dive bombed for the rest of his kiddie career. Crows are crafty and they're mean.
27:29🔗
Adam
And they're smart. And I see them sitting up on the trees. First off, they're black. That's a good, scary color. And they're loud. And all they are is feathers and talons and beaks. And they come flying at everybody. And here's all I'm saying. You could train them to be your posse. You could train them to be your security crew. You could train them. Police forces could use them. So here's how it works. There's some scenario where some crazy gunman is waving, or guy's got a gun or a knife and he's waving around. You don't want to send the police dog in. And the police dog, by the way, the guy can kind of deal with sending the attack crows. Eight, 12 crows, flying, wings flying everywhere, coming down, dive bomb. And the guy said, no choice but to drop your weapon and just run flailing. Nothing you could do. And here's the deal too. Send in a couple of attack crows. So what? The guy takes a shotgun and takes three of them out.
28:22🔗
Adam
I wanted them dead in the first place. Easy to train, smart, mobile. And you know how they fly, Drew?
28:37🔗
Adam
As the crow flies. So be right there. They just land on the parapet of the building and they just hang out. Now you get personal security crows. They just fly with you. They recognize your car. Maybe put a little piece of rainbow tape on the roof of your car. Something reflective. You know, they like shiny stuff. Sure. Train them a little bit. They follow your car around. If you live in a town like Los Angeles or Manhattan, they just follow you around. You go into the building for a little business, they just land. They just wait there on the stoop and then you come out and they're flying again. Anyone else with you?
29:14🔗
Adam
And then, you're going down the street, some guy tries to carjack you or shake you down or something, or maybe it's just a, it's an old business manager you don't want to deal with or something. They just come sailing down on them and they're screaming and they're calling and it's just claws and beaks and black feathers everywhere.
29:36🔗
Adam
And everybody should have, the president should have attack crows. All police forces should have attack crows. And anytime there's a hostage situation or barricade situation, send in the crows. Yes?
29:59🔗
Adam
Like, if you said to a crow, listen, yeah, you see that black guy over there holding the knife? We need you to be like, done and done.
30:09🔗
Adam
They love to jump on people's heads. They love to screw with people. And not that there's not white criminals either. That's not what I'm saying. It's just in this scenario.
30:18🔗
Adam
The one I just saw. I'm gonna be a black guy holding the knife. There's a white guy holding the knife too. We'll get him later. The point is, is crows love, they hate people. I really, I really, really hate them. I see them, they're buzzing around my neighborhood. They don't even like other birds.
30:33🔗
Drew
Oh, I know that. I know the birds don't like them. I see those mockingbirds going after them all the time.
30:50🔗
Caller
Just a quick comment. When I go to the tailor to get my suit fitted, he asked me what side that I hang on.
30:58🔗
Caller
Yeah. The reason why they do that is because I hang on the left that they'll compensate for it so it doesn't look like I got a bulge on the left-hand side. You know what I mean? So I guess he moves the seam over or the way he tailors it. Tailors it just a little bit.
31:19🔗
Adam
I see. This doesn't want to know what size your penis is. Otherwise, I guess when you want to get a break job, they would ask you where your penis was. Just whatever it is. Yeah, I want to get on my library card.
31:38🔗
Adam
We understand there's motivation for it. See, I tuck mine. I tuck mine between my stuff. Yeah, so I can do the fruit ball. Fruit ball. All right, so here's the thing, everybody. I've been to the tailor, I think, twice in my life. He didn't ask me how I dressed. Maybe good, okay. Maybe good tailor, maybe a good tailor can spot how a man is dressed.
32:04🔗
Drew
And immediately I put it, I went through a little sort of a Do you know? Terminator-like, yeah, yeah, left. Terminator-like scenario in my head, like does not compute, what's he talking about? Then I just thought, oh my God.
32:41🔗
Adam
That was an attack. I was attacking because I've never been asked. And I've been to the tailor. All right, let's take a break, Drew.
32:50🔗
Adam
We'll try Sarah again. Sarah, hang tight, baby. We'll be back after this. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about.
33:16🔗
Adam
I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. You know, Drew, it's not like me to complain, but let me say this.
33:23🔗
Adam
As I was looking out my window today during a driving rainstorm out here in Southern California, and I noticed all the sprinklers going off on the hillside in front of me. Not going to do one, even though all we ever hear is we live in a desert, and it's a drought, and you got to conserve water. They just have that, have those sprinklers going full bore, rain or shine. And since it's been very evident lately because there's been so much rain. And I think to myself, well, the city just technologically is not up to the challenge. And then I think to myself, wait a minute. Remember those intersections they have where they have 15 cameras set up with huge strobe lights. And if your car breaks an invisible laser beam, a hummingbird's fart after the signal turns yellow, they hit your car from about nine angles. And two weeks later, you get a picture of yourself behind the wheel, close up of your license plate, close up of the VIN number of your car, and the time and the date and the intersection. That seems like a fairly tall order from a technological standpoint, wouldn't you say?
35:09🔗
Adam
Conservation zero and wasting our money because we're paying for the water that they're spraying all over the field that's already dying because it's been soaked torrentially over the last three months. No problem there. It's all about raising money, nothing about saving it. And that's all you need to know, everybody. There you go. There's nothing we do more efficiently in this godforsaken city than traffic stuff. All that. That, no problem. Your bumper hanging three inches onto a red curb, you'll get a ticket. You won't be able to run inside of the dry cleaners, grab your crap and run out without having a ticket. You want to get the department of a DWP over the house or you want to, that's two weeks, that's an appointment and that's a window between, that's a nine-hour window. Think about that. Think about what motivation is even for the city. City, man, when it comes to raping, when it comes to raping their populace and taking the money out of their pocket, they're right on top of that game.
36:10🔗
Adam
Very, no, it's not just Burbank or as we know it, Rape Bank. They're not just the only, I mean, they perfected shaking down and raping their citizens.
36:20🔗
Adam
It's a full-time job over there. Other cities get involved with other parts of crime prevention, stuff like that, but they're just all about jaywalking. But the point is, is they have endless resources and endless technology and endless motivation for stuff like this, stuff that raises revenue and they become caveman retards when it comes to water conservation. And by the way, they run PSAs telling you to conserve water. What are you supposed to do? I'm watching the sprinklers go off.
36:50🔗
Adam
Yeah. I want you to sprinklers go off and torrential downpours. Yeah. Kiss my ass. Oh, what are we going to do, Drew? I got to run for something. I got to straighten everybody out.
37:35🔗
Adam
Let me just say something. If you're going to make a medicine out of a pregnant horse urine.
37:44🔗
Adam
How about you just call it prolexical? I would just call it good enough and stuff. Do you have to say what it's made out of? Pregnant horse urine?
38:10🔗
Drew
I'm just saying. There's no random reason to why they make up the drug names they make up. They just test them and they go up. People like this one. Let's go.
38:19🔗
Drew
Literally, some guy probably sat there and made up 50 names, tested them, and that's the one that came out.
38:35🔗
Drew
Anyway, why are you taking Premarin? You're a young woman. That's for postmenopausal women. What's going on?
39:07🔗
Caller
And then they checked my hormones, too. And my hormones were really off, really, really off.
39:15🔗
What was off?
39:39🔗
Drew
Yeah, so they don't think this is a prolactin secreting tumor, because prolactin secreting tumors can turn off your sex drive, too. Very commonly in men, it really shuts down testosterone. But that's prolactins in the thousands, usually.
39:56🔗
Caller
Pretty good. I mean, well, it's not necessarily my husband. I mean, I've never been able to have orgasms while having sex. And I'm sure that has a lot to do with being sexually abused, but I can't get one at all.
40:20🔗
Caller
I could do that, but this just barely started to occur. I'm saying like I can't even get myself an orgasm.
40:58🔗
Drew
And you're getting depressed now, too. Yeah. This is what's called psychomotor retardation, is like cognitive delays.
41:03🔗
Adam
Right. Okay. Here's the thing, everybody. I had a depressed mom. It's horrible. Depression freaks kids out. You're better off just having a parent with polio who's in a good mood. A thousand times better. I know it sounds melodramatic, but depressed parents freaks kids out. You feel like you're left alone. It's a bummer. It's weird. They lock themselves up in their rooms. They're always freaked out all the time. It's horrible.
41:34🔗
Adam
I swear to Christ, better to have a parent with just a thousand other afflictions. So you are abusing your kid. And I know it sounds like-
41:46🔗
Adam
I'm telling you, Drew, would you rather have, if you had to grow up again, would you rather have a, you know, sort of perpetually depressed parent, mother, whoever, or one that gave you a good smacking down once a month?
42:14🔗
Adam
So you're depressed, you're gonna freak your kids out. Go get some help. You're abused. All right, where are we going? You're over here?
42:20🔗
Drew
You're taking Premarin. You should be seeing an endocrinologist. A primary care person should not be putting a 23-year-old on Premarin.
42:28🔗
Adam
How do they figure out the pregnant Mary urine? What's that do? What's it got? Hormones in it?
42:55🔗
Adam
Maybe I'll have my tacros drop estrogen on these thugs that are holding people at knife point. All of a sudden, they start producing breast milk. They get soft. They start crying. They want to see Oprah. You know what I mean? My wife forced me to watch The Dog Whisperer on Oprah tonight. He is just a gayer in old Paris, and he's like, your dog, he's not a human. You cannot. It's like, are you kidding? Who buys this crap? Oprah's up there with her dog. If Oprah could spring a penis and F herself, she would die a happy woman. And it's like Oprah just bathes in herself on it, just bathes, she just basks in her own glory. She just sits there and it's like, tonight, an hour on my dog. And then she films herself doing really boring stuff that her stooge audience just, just erupts at, you know? And she talks about how she is, and she attempts to be funny most all the time and is rarely witty at all. Her eye, she's sort of, she's created this, this Emperor's New Clothes thing because her audience of just seals just erupts every time she says anything in a certain pitch. It doesn't even have to be funny. She just raise her voice. Hey, everyone, this is the joke cadence. This is the joke sound. I'm going to raise my voice up so you guys, that's your cue to laugh. She just indulges herself with these sort of whimsical stuff. She's got some poodle and she wants everyone to know it and she wants in at the dog, but she's just like all of us because the dog thinks she's the princess of the house. And then so some fairy comes around and whispers at the dog and tells you a bunch of crap you already know. And that's about it.
44:47🔗
Adam
What are you doing? The woman has a magazine, it's been five years, there's been 60 issues of this magazine. She's been on every single cover. She's not been on 58 covers of the 60s, she's been on 60 of 60s. She's on her cover of her magazine every single month. She just sits there and basks in herself. She just rolls in her own stink. And you guys just lap it up. If there was a male version of this, and maybe there is, maybe it's Dr. Phil, it's like, hey, blow hard, pack up your fat bald ass and get the F off the TV. No guy wants to see Dr. Phil. Guys see Dr. Phil and they're like, oh, what a blow hard. Chicks watch him. Somehow chicks love it when you just roll in your own ass.
45:40🔗
Adam
I don't know, but guys, if you want to get in some pants, you want to get the pants of chicks when you're 21, or they're 21 and you're whatever, just walk around and roll in your own stink. Don't try to be nice. Don't try to, oh, where do you want to go to dinner? No, no.
45:57🔗
Adam
You act like Oprah. You tell them whatever you're doing is the most interesting thing there could be. You're the smartest person on the planet and you know exactly where to eat and they all just buy into it. The more you love yourself, the more they love you. That's what it is. Chicks have that gene. They see Oprah in there just an hour of her sitting on the sofa trying to smell her own farts. And they're like, oh, my God, I love this person. Guys see it and it's like, sweetie, get a hold of yourself. You're not that great. You got a big ass. You're not nearly as funny as you think you are. And everything you seem to do just seems to come right back to you. I mean, everything, every charity, everything you launch, everything, it's just so you can put your name on the front of it. Guys don't buy into that crap. I see Dr. Phil and Oprah and we get sort of I get like my skin calls a little like I don't want to watch someone doing the crap for an hour. You just see it and they just get in line. Well, they're like Piper's.
47:04🔗
Drew
Jessica Bay? No. All right. No, I agree with you. She, when I did, she was sort of going through the motions though.
47:16🔗
Drew
Well, I'll tell you what happened to me is that I started talking and, oh no, no, we'll have none of that. Then she hung me out to dry. We'd get a subject to say something. She'd go, well, what do you think? To get back like that, like, all right, smart guy, go ahead. I went, all right, well, here I go.
47:36🔗
Adam
Here's all I'm saying. Oprah, first off, thinks she's about a thousand times funnier than she is, or let's forget about funny, wittier, or even more interesting than she is. I've seen her show. It's like I've never written down anything she said or thought, wow, that's provocative. That's interesting. I never thought of that. Number one. Number two, she's not a model. She's on the cover of everything. She comes out with a magazine, puts her name on it, and every single issue is devoted to her. Women buy into that. If there was a dude version of that, we would give them one of those prison cot beatings with the pillowcase.
48:16🔗
Adam
Why do women dig that? But let me tell you something, guys, at least understand what you're dealing with. If you're heterosexual and get up on that stage and love yourself, dress to the left and parade that basket out and love yourself. Yeah.
48:36🔗
Drew
They love it as one of my patients at once. It's a I'm not much, but I'm all I ever think about.
49:11🔗
Adam
Hanging up on everyone tonight. Come on, buddy. Drew, what's the matter with you? You're a little angry.
49:37🔗
Adam
Just do it! All right, all right. See, Drew, see what happens. We could have talked to Angel. Her boyfriend's in prison. Go ahead, Josh. Here we go now, buddy.
49:44🔗
Caller
All right. So, yeah, I had a question about, uh, uh-oh, I don't want to say the wrong thing because last time I got halfway through my story and I got cut because I, uh, you know, there you go.
50:02🔗
Caller
Um, my boyfriend's mother's been doing cocaine for 14 years and we recently found out-
50:13🔗
Caller
They hid it from him because his parents got a divorce and we found out the reason why they got a divorce was because of the cocaine usage. And she would always go away while she's been recently doing it inside the house and basically underneath his nose. And I want to know how we could do an intervention because she's actually been to the hospital and died before and they brought her back and she still won't admit she's doing it.
50:41🔗
Adam
Is, so she's actually doing the coke in the house, she's not doing it out on the roof? Yeah, I used to do blow on the roof but you know, when it gets windy.
51:17🔗
Caller
Well, she's on disability because she's had back problems and that's why she started doing it.
51:29🔗
Drew
All right. So she does not have any insurance? Yeah, it's going to be hard to get her treatment. You're going to have to find some sort of county-funded bed. You have to find a treatment center near you. Most of them will have interventionists that they work with. If she's interested in treatment, you can kind of send a balloon up and ask her if she's ever interested in getting some help for what she's doing. Maybe she'll say, yes, let's go. I'm ready to go now and find a place to take her. You know, call local psychiatric hospitals and see what their profiles are for addiction medicine treatment.
51:55🔗
Adam
That's a good city to get strung out in without insurance, Drew, because I'm thinking we'll raise a family there.
52:02🔗
Adam
I don't know, just different states run it. If I have a couple of kids, there's a good chance one of them will be a junkie.
52:33🔗
Drew
There are places that have county-funded treatments and state-funded treatments, and some places take the equivalent of Medi-Cal here as Medicaid, and they'll take those kinds of treatments for trying to extend, give people extended treatments.
52:48🔗
Drew
Confront her a little bit and say, are you interested? Maybe she will be. Call us, call local psychiatric hospital, see what they recommend, do a little research.
52:55🔗
Adam
I think your boyfriend's got to get out of that house first, because that's going to be a disaster.
52:59🔗
Drew
And she has to be prepared to go somewhere for a while. She's going to need a little, 14-year cocaine addiction will take months to treat, begin to treat.
53:09🔗
Caller
Yeah. He noticed it when she started going out to bars and stuff and leaving my boyfriend at home when he was a young kid.
53:19🔗
Adam
This could just be alcohol too. She's into everything. And look, everybody, Drew, what percentage of people that are on disability for back problems or should be on disability for back problems? Five percent?
53:34🔗
Adam
30? Make it 20. I could get 80 percent of those people back in the workforce. Not operating heavy machinery, but put them on a computer.
53:48🔗
Drew
Yeah, find an interventionist. They can be kind of expensive sometimes, but you find a facility that's going to be treating them.
53:55🔗
Adam
Oh, really? Yeah. I could do, I could get you that intervention for eight, nine hundred bucks.
54:01🔗
Adam
I start by coming in, I come into the house with a shoulder roll. It's real squat action. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back. Drew, remember that one?
54:43🔗
Adam
All right, Anderson, can I get a witness over here or what? Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191-ER. Dr. Drew over there. Drew's doing a TV show. I think it's really gotten to him.
55:03🔗
Drew
Why don't you listen to me? See, that's the problem here. It's the same problem I'm having during the day.
55:08🔗
Adam
Listen, Drew and I were arguing because he hung up on a boyfriend's in prison call, and I love prison calls.
55:17🔗
Adam
Oh, that's her. It's Angel. Yeah. All right. Now listen, here's the thing, Drew. You can't pout and make this a bad call.
55:58🔗
Adam
Never a hot chick named Angel is a virgin. It's always a chicken in and out of the joint. Got track marks in her knees.
56:16🔗
Guest
Well, he's kind of my boyfriend, but we just, well, he's not my boyfriend, right? Broke up a long time ago before we started together. And well, like, we had sex, like, about a month ago.
56:36🔗
Guest
So like, about a month ago, we had sex and we didn't have protected sex or anything. And like, I had my period two days later, but like, I haven't had my NIST month, like a week late.
56:59🔗
Drew
It's, it's, the bleeding could have been anything, could have been just something stimulated by the sexual activity. It might have been, you know.
57:17🔗
Adam
Angel, what, are you retarded? You got guys going into jail, and you just have an unprotected sex with them?
57:31🔗
Adam
What, what, what, what, we should put some sort of collar on you. You're like an animal. What are you doing? What's going on with this other kid? Who's the dad of this other kid? Same guy?
58:01🔗
Adam
Listen to me. You had sex with him. You had unprotected sex with him before you knew that period stuff was coming. So don't give me that crap. You already have one kid from some guy who's God knows where probably in the joint too. What is your plan? Jesus Christ, sweetie. Come on now, get it together. And what's this guy going in the joint for?
58:30🔗
Drew
Oh, wait. Oh, Adam, take that down. Take that down. Hold on a second, Angel. We're getting notes here.
58:41🔗
Adam
He's one of these guys, like you have a whole bunch of warrants, they just put you in there for like 20 days. How long is he in for?
58:53🔗
Adam
All right. I would just put him down, by the way, and I'd put a collar on you that just had a little...
59:01🔗
Adam
No, it would just be one of those pins that went in your neck and doses of estrogen or hormones would just go in there. Just keep you sterile constantly. And the fact that as a society, we have zero plan for the folks that are just out there sort of polluting with their offspring. You know what I mean? Just banging out one kid from this dude, and here's another felon, crank out a kid from this guy. I know I'm a broken record with this, but we don't want to dress it, never comes up. There's a few things that never seem to come up, and I'm always curious about it. I'm curious why the president doesn't say like, hey everybody, we could save a lot of electricity if you guys would just shut the lights off in the room when you left. I know it sounds kind of passe, but wouldn't it be cool? Wouldn't it be cool to hear just some sort of basic normal messages from the president? Hey, you welfare moms, deadbeat dads, you quit crapping out the kids so we could get the school system up and running.
1:00:11🔗
Drew
All right, so here's the deal with the bleeding. Not having your period number one, two, three causes pregnancy. There are many others, including ovarian cyst, endometriosis, changes in your hypothalamic-pituitary axis, but angels hearing none of that.
1:00:26🔗
Adam
All right, everyone, please, please decide whether you're stupid or not. And here's what I want to know, do people admit they're stupid? Do you look in the mirror and go...
1:00:38🔗
Adam
I like those people too. Do they look in the mirror and go, I'm white trash. I can't control my actions. Sure, I have the body of a twenty-two-year-old woman, but I have the brain of a retarded four-year-old village idiot. You know what I mean? Like, I have no function, I can barely control my bowels. Like, do they admit that to themselves, or would that be a further evolution?
1:01:01🔗
Drew
Well, it seems to me that if you actually would admit that to yourself, you'd have to change.
1:01:14🔗
Yes. Yes. What's happening? I was just calling because me and my boyfriend for the past year, we have been trying to get pregnant and I can't and I'm just trying to find out, is that common?
1:01:30🔗
For me being young.
1:01:32🔗
Drew
Yeah, it's common. I think it can take, it average takes about a year. And you could get some.
1:01:37🔗
Adam
Unless your boyfriend's in the joint. I'll tell you if he would quit his job in going to the joint.
1:01:42🔗
Adam
You get knocked up almost immediately. Yeah, and if he started beating on you and had sex with your knees.
1:01:51🔗
Drew
Shani, if you have any questions, why don't you sing a doctor about this? Because if you have any fertility concerns there.
1:01:58🔗
It's a boyfriend. No, but we have been talking about getting married and everything. But I think his thing is, I believe this is what it is. He probably, he wants to marry me, but he wants a key. And I know he probably wants a what? If I can't give him one, he probably don't want a.
1:02:12🔗
Adam
A key. He wants a key. Now here's the thing, in a way, I mean, maybe you don't want to admit this, but you sort of feel like if you can get pregnant, you can lock this elusive guy in, right?
1:02:44🔗
Adam
You would like to get, Shani, though, you would like to get married. True or false? True. And he would not like to get married.
1:03:04🔗
Adam
Let's bring up eating Italian. It's just you got a craving for meatballs. He's got a craving for lasagna.
1:03:33🔗
Adam
Yeah. You put enough corn syrup in with the ravioli as we strip you of your ranking of chef. My point is he does not want to get married. You want to get married. He brings it up every once in a while to shut you up. But you want to get married, he doesn't. You feel like if you got pregnant, that would get you married. I'm not saying you don't want the kid, but there's also an element of wanting to settle him down.
1:04:03🔗
Caller
That's not true. I feel that he's ready. It's not like I'm trying to trap him or anything, because that's not what I want at all. Because I don't want to be like, that's my baby's daddy, you know what I'm saying? I want to be married and you know what I'm saying? I have to get married.
1:04:24🔗
Adam
Yes. Okay. There's a few things I've learned from the brief time I've known Shani. One is she wants to get married. The other thing is he doesn't want to get married.
1:04:35🔗
Adam
Oh, well, he brings it up all the time. Yeah. I'm cutting through the haze here. She did mention earlier in the call that he doesn't want to be with someone who can't have his kid. He wants a kid. He wants a child.
1:04:52🔗
Adam
That's what she said at the beginning of the call. He doesn't want to be with someone who can't have a kid. He wants a kid and he wants to be with that person who has his kid. But as soon as I do the math and say, well, you want to get pregnant, then no, it's nothing. Nothing could be further from the truth. How dare you?
1:05:15🔗
Caller
You're not that far off, but I just don't want you guys to think that I'm trying to trap him or nothing like that.
1:05:21🔗
Adam
Well, the other thing I've learned is you don't want to get into that baby's daddy stuff, Right. but you're trying to get pregnant and you're not married.
1:05:32🔗
Adam
That's baby's daddy. That's the first step to the baby's daddy part. So, here's the thing, you could, after a year of trying, you could probably go to some fertility doctor and start looking into it. But I would be more truthful about what you want and I would go ahead and call him out and say, look, I don't want to trap you into something. If you want to get married, we're going to get married, but it's not because you get me pregnant.
1:06:03🔗
Drew
Ladies, what is that? Don't be afraid to assert what you'd be honest about what you want and go ahead and say it. Well, some of the guy is going to scamper off if you're honest.
1:06:12🔗
Adam
The reason you don't ask for what you want is because you think you know what the answer is. Well, if that answer is bad.
1:06:17🔗
Drew
Well, if then that's the answer. You're not going to change that. Guys don't change. No, you're going to end up with a baby with that guy left.
1:06:24🔗
Adam
I know, but it's better to live in a sort of half fantasy, the retardo land where you're still hanging on to a dream than the reality of being alone.
1:06:42🔗
Caller
Hi. I'm about four months pregnant and my boyfriend is 20 and he just recently cheated on me with my best friend about three weeks ago and she has herpes and I guess they did it unprotected. That's what they tell me. She told me it's been going on for like two weeks, but he told me it only happened one time.
1:07:09🔗
Caller
Well, she's kind of psychotic. Like she like rubbed it in my face after it happened. Yeah, it was good and I would do it again and da da da da.
1:07:52🔗
Caller
I asked her why did she do that to me? I said, you're my best friend. I love you like a sister. And she was like, I don't care.
1:08:08🔗
Drew
You're my best friend in the world. I can't understand why you would do this. Why did you do this to me?
1:08:12🔗
Adam
He was awesome. He nailed me. He banged the bejesus out of me. I sucked him dry. And I would do it again.
1:08:23🔗
Adam
What time is it? I'd like to be doing it later on tonight. Oh, he was hot. He was hot.
1:08:33🔗
Adam
Jessie called and said, she found, Jessie's pregnant, found out that her boyfriend was on top of her best friend and called and said, sweetie, oh my, what was that about, sweetie? You're my best friend and I love you like a sister. And she's like, yeah, it was good. No, she called screaming.
1:08:52🔗
Adam
She dropped the C word like 70 times in a row and the chick fired back with, I'd do it again, too. It was good.
1:09:08🔗
Adam
You just called saying, sweet, I thought we're best friends. And she just kept saying it.
1:09:12🔗
Adam
OK, if that's true, if if what you're saying is true, your friend is a cat scan. Not only that, you have the worst judgment, the worst taste in people of anybody on the planet.
1:09:23🔗
Caller
Well, plus, I guess I should have known because she used to tell me that she had dreams about having sex with them and stuff. Yeah.
1:09:31🔗
Adam
No. Hey, everyone, so what's, hold on, what's going on tonight where everyone's just locked into our own retarded fantasy land of what reality is. Everyone's the greatest. Oh, you have to my boyfriend. That's cool because you're my best friend, sweetie, and you're like a sister to me. Yeah.
1:09:57🔗
Caller
Well, he already has a kid by another girl, and he doesn't really see that one, and he's like kind of in and out of jail and everything.
1:10:22🔗
Drew
No, I beg your pardon. Is Jesse your friend that's had sex with him? Is she also a criminal?
1:10:28🔗
Drew
Her behavior, what you described, is absolutely completely antisocial criminal behavior. So the only way that story makes sense is if you like to hang around people who are criminals.
1:10:38🔗
Caller
I don't like to hang around criminals. The way he explained the story to me was that the girl he got pregnant, she was 17, he was 18, it wasn't a big deal, and then as soon as she got pregnant, her mom pressed charges against him, so he went to jail for it. Now I'm pregnant by him in, yeah.
1:10:57🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. Nobody's with me in my plan just to put these guys down. We don't, no patterns, no whatever, nothing. Can't tag them, can't monitor them, can't do anything with them. All we do is just sort of clean up after them. Just like some, there's just like some rabid bear that stumbles, been terrorizing a campsite, just tearing. Here's the deal, everyone, just tearing in the campers and all the kids. It's the same bears. We see it stagger into the campsite. At a certain point, we just mount up and go get it and just put it down. Do you know what I'm saying?
1:11:33🔗
Adam
I'm good at judging. It's one of my things. I just sit around and judge all goddamn day. All right. That's too bad, nothing.
1:11:58🔗
Caller
See, that's the thing. He was with her and then he came back and had sex with me and I didn't know that they had been together. So I'm just wondering what my chances are of getting herpes because what I have heard is that you can't get it unless the guy is actually like broke it out with it or whatever.
1:12:12🔗
Drew
That's not true. You can get it easily without there being an outbreak, but you don't have to get it. So you need to talk to your doctor. They need to do a pelvic exam and see. It can be pretty subst…
1:12:20🔗
Caller
I did talk to my doctor and he said there's really no way to test for it until you've already broken out, is it?
1:12:44🔗
Adam
President or something? Don't worry about him. Just let your mom raise him, would you?
1:12:56🔗
Caller
He told me he's like found Christ now and he's like not going to ever cheat on me again and everything.
1:13:08🔗
Caller
I'm very religious, though. I guess I'm just figuring that if he's found God, maybe he has changed.
1:13:19🔗
Adam
It's really clearly very religious. Yeah, hang around with felons, pregnant at 16, just like Sally Fields in The Floor and The Floor.
1:13:31🔗
Caller
I took my pill every night at the same time and I still got pregnant. So how do you point that?
1:13:36🔗
Adam
Immaculate conception. Listen, look, here's the thing, Jessie. You don't sound nearly as dumb as half the idiots we talk to on this show. This guy is a piece of work and he's a piece of ass. You need to get your head straight. There may be more for you in this life.
1:13:58🔗
Adam
Crap this kid out. Leave these idiots. Okay? Just leave them behind you. Have your mom help you, have your family help you, raise the kid, get some education and move forward.
1:14:10🔗
Caller
All right? I have a lot of support and I'm going to go to college and everything still, so.
1:14:27🔗
Adam
You know what I love about human beings? The guy already did a little stint in the joint because he knocked somebody 17-year-old up as an adult, and then.
1:14:40🔗
Adam
Has no idea where that kid is. Right. Then hops on top of Jesse's best friend, and it's not going to be part of this kid's life either. Here's the deal. It's like you're basically just driving down the freeway, just dumping trash out of your windows. You drive down the highway. We can't pull these guys over. Getting to stop. You know what I mean? Just polluting the country with their offspring. Nothing. Not interested. Nobody. Nothing. All right. Fantastic. Kids going to be president. Let's take ourselves a little break. Jessica wants to know about having a strap on sex. Hold on a second. I'm back.
1:16:02🔗
No, it's like a total total new moon.
1:16:06🔗
Adam
New moon. Oh, we will take a break. We'll get back because Jessica is a strap on question, wants to be with her lady friend. All that, after this.
1:16:33🔗
Adam
It's bitter old Pops Corolla and his left hand henchman Dr. Drew. We'll get back to the phones. First, the phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-R. When we left off, we were speaking to Jessica. Jessica, 20, Jessica?
1:17:06🔗
Caller
And me and my girlfriend are talking about getting a strap-on, and I just kind of want to know, like, what to expect.
1:17:33🔗
Adam
Oh, eBay's good, too. Now, the Recycler, you're calling from Sacramento, Recycler come out Thursday. You want to get it early and get those calls in early.
1:17:48🔗
Adam
I've had some luck with strap-ons and garage sales, but mainly the thrift stores, or especially the ones by, like, the Cancer Institute and stuff like that. They have certain charities.
1:18:03🔗
Adam
Anyway, Jessica, you're going to be... Are you going to be on both ends of the strap-on?
1:18:15🔗
Adam
That's good. And is there any... I've seen it in the porn movies. Is there any simulated oral with it, or is that just a porn move?
1:18:31🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah, because there's certain moves I see in the porn world where I'm like, guy, give me a break. Yeah, I've never seen that. Well, I've had a strap-on a million times. I've had a girl put her mouth on it, slipped up there, Drew. Yeah, the other fake porn move is the one where the chick gets the decoration on the chest and enjoys it, rubs it in. Oh, yeah, finally. Finally, semen on my boobs. Oh, finally. Awesome. I love it. I love it. You know, as soon as they cut, she's like, give me a towel and some Purell, the joint.
1:19:12🔗
Caller
I've never, I mean, I've never bled during any kind of sexual activity, so I'm assuming.
1:19:26🔗
Adam
A little light, little dusting of finger blasting. Okay. Hey, so Jessica, well, I would say go get yourself, don't go over the top with it. Get yourself a moderate size one. Also, now some of the newer ones actually have a lower lumbar support built into them, like a back support, like you'd know where. You see the guys at the Home Depot. Right, sure.
1:19:55🔗
Adam
Suspender comes over the top. It's got that wide back thing for, it's good for lower, good for the lower back. I've seen the other ones that have the, you know, the Velcro side for the TV remote and the other one place, place to put your key chain. You want to, you want to get a moderately sized one. Lube, I would say you want to use some lube, right?
1:20:15🔗
Caller
Yeah. And you don't want to put it, you don't want to go, you don't want to go back door.
1:20:35🔗
Adam
Tomorrow's a new day. And are you sort of biologically homosexual or were you created in the basement?
1:21:03🔗
Caller
She experimented some before we got together and just like, I don't know, pretty into it.
1:21:11🔗
Adam
Would you would you ever think about letting a guy, if you dug a guy, would you let him watch?
1:21:17🔗
Caller
Um, yeah, we'd actually, we've talked about having threesomes before and just could you dig at him?
1:21:31🔗
Adam
Yeah, that's not even close. For a chick, that's kind of like, just, you know, one of our callers might be better.
1:21:50🔗
Adam
Some written stuff, but not too much. But you shouldn't be, she has a little tat over a vagina that says a suggestion box.
1:22:15🔗
Adam
Just, just here's all I'm saying. All I'm saying is, is you get a chick, she shaved downstairs and there's a tat right above her vagina that says suggestion box and an arrow just pointing down. That's funny stuff. That is good stuff.
1:22:41🔗
Adam
They call it a suggestion box. Ultimate. Drew, I'm gonna write that down. I'm gonna write that down. All right.
1:22:51🔗
Adam
I don't know. Jessica? Yeah. Get that tattoo for me, would you, sweetie? Hell no. All right. And so you guys gonna go get this. You're gonna try it out. You're gonna be on both ends of it. Sounds fantastic.
1:23:23🔗
Adam
Okay. Well, this could work for you. And by the way, they probably have one these days that has a little something.
1:23:43🔗
Adam
They now make everything. There used to be, when I was growing up, there was about six things you could put up, yeah. Now there's a cornucopia of items that will go up, yeah.
1:23:57🔗
Adam
There's a cornucopia of things that will go up, yeah. And I bet they make something that's got a little something for the user, too. All right.
1:24:13🔗
Guest
Well, like, when I have sex, I have to be physically abused, like, in order to get any satisfaction out of it. It really freaks my guy out.
1:24:25🔗
Drew
Okay. The way to think about this is that one of the hypotheses is that the part of your brain that has arousal gets sort of burned out by all that sort of shattered by all that physical abuse. And so in order to sort of make that part of your brain even experience arousal, you have to have very high levels of stimulation. Thus, all this sort of physical...
1:24:46🔗
Guest
Is there any way for me to get that without having to be choked or smacked around or something?
1:25:05🔗
Drew
And there probably are other things, but they also need to be very, very arousing. And the reason you choose physical is that sort of a way of sort of re-evoking those same traumas.
1:25:16🔗
Adam
Well, how can you ever reverse this? And can you, can you, okay, you'll never, you'll never cure it, but can you not, It's a kind of a fetish. Can you not indulge it? And does it sort of scab over a little bit?
1:25:30🔗
Drew
Yeah, it's sort of a fetish. If she could learn to be actually present and vulnerable and ask for things more genuinely in bed, which again, it's not something you see people just step up and do when they've been through something like this, she could get over it, but it really probably takes some therapy for that to happen.
1:25:46🔗
Guest
I try not to do it, and it's just like, I try to just like be normal, and like I get nothing out of it, you know, I just, I feel like I'm there, but I...
1:25:54🔗
Adam
Here's the other thing too, a guy always gets to have this sort of physical release. A woman, if it ain't happening emotionally, it ain't happening.
1:26:04🔗
Adam
I mean, they have to go back to it. You know, a guy could sort of probably still just, all right, I'll just get off and watch some TV. You know, he could get away with it. Yeah. It's such an important element for a woman. Who abused you?
1:26:22🔗
Guest
Physical, because he wanted, my stepdad was very jealous of me. He wanted that type of relationship, sexually as well, but...
1:26:47🔗
Guest
Well, when he explained it, he said he was jealous of me. That's why I never went anywhere and stuff.
1:26:58🔗
Adam
How come he couldn't nail you at nine? What kind of abuser is this? You know what I mean?
1:27:09🔗
Guest
He never sexually touched me and he wrestled with me and grabbed my breasts and stuff, but he never really took it any farther and he got counseling for that, but he still was very abusive. He beat me up and stuff.
1:27:50🔗
Guest
Huh? No, my grandfather is not like that. My mom has never been through anything like that.
1:27:56🔗
Adam
Why doesn't she hook up with this guy? Something is up with your mom. She wouldn't have chose this guy and brought him home.
1:28:11🔗
Adam
Yeah, because it could happen to any of us. If Drew met himself a nice woman and got married, he could start raping the kid after, you know, about 18 months. That's called a cool down period in the automotive business.
1:28:24🔗
Adam
Listen, baby, you got to get some therapy. You were horribly abused for many years, terrorized. How about a little therapy?
1:28:37🔗
Drew
Sarah, here's the deal. Only people that have significant problems will involve themselves with somebody like your stepdad. So that's why we know your mom also has problems. So both parents.
1:28:47🔗
Adam
I know I'm very good. I'm getting very preachy tonight. But is there any goddamn concept of any kind of therapy at all in this goddamn country?
1:28:54🔗
Drew
How dare you? You just need to choose to be better, to put it away. Just declare yourself a virgin again and move on.
1:29:00🔗
Adam
Hey, yeah. Everything happens for a reason. What do you, everything happens for a reason, A-hole, say about the nine-year-olds that are physically and sexually abused?
1:29:11🔗
Adam
Hey, Drew. Hey, we can't question. Everything happens for a reason. Listen, everybody. Therapy is not voodoo science. It helps people. And some people need it. Some people, it's a luxury. Like I just go in there and complain about my dad missing a few popcorn or football games. But for the folks that, oh, about the last 350 people that called this show, it's a necessity. It's a medical problem. I don't understand why this isn't more accepted. And I do blame the powers that be. I do blame guys that are empowered as talking about, you know, seeking, you know, going to talk to their clergy or praying on this kind of stuff.
1:29:55🔗
Drew
How about that Runaway Bride thing, the clergy? She just needs to talk out her stuff. She was psychotic. Now it turns out she was a shoplifter and he was a crazy guy before and decided he declared himself a virgin now.
1:30:07🔗
Adam
But so here's the thing, everybody. You get some form of abuse. If you do get some, if you're lucky enough to be abused as a child, you then ride out the remainder of your life. And believe me, the childhood that only lasts a few years, the rest of your life could be going on for another 80, 85 years, reenacting and living out this abuse. She's going to get strangled by every guy who's on top of her and eventually gets out of hand, someone puts a belt around her neck and that's that. All right. Or you get some therapy at some point, you get some intervention and you see if you can start working on this thing. That's everyone we've heard from tonight. You could basically do that or you just pretend like it doesn't exist. It doesn't really matter.
1:30:57🔗
Drew
Yeah, that was in the past or I've declared myself a virgin. That's all total denial. That's BS.
1:31:13🔗
Adam
Of course, you idiots. Everything is in the past. Look, you could have been horribly, horribly burned when a napalm mortar went off in your foxhole in Vietnam. That would be in the past. Your ears would still be missing.
1:31:34🔗
Drew
Now, to go, hey, that didn't happen. It happened, but we're going to call it technicality. I'm going to expunge it. It doesn't matter. I'm going to deal with it. I'm going to choose to pretend, no, I'm going to choose to move on as though that didn't happen.
1:31:51🔗
Adam
That would be a cure. By the way, you wouldn't have to go to therapy. I would leave you alone. Like if you go, I'm going to evict my stepdad, abuse me, a year, 2013. I'd go, all right, you don't have to go. You don't have to go. But if it happened before this conversation, you need to get some therapy.
1:32:13🔗
Adam
Let's take ourselves a Drew on Drew. Take yourselves a little break. Be right back after this.
1:33:20🔗
Caller
I actually have been dating guys for a while. I actually have dated a girl before. And now I'm, well, I work with this girl and I told her I was bi. And she drove me home and she's like, I got to tell you something. I'm really confused. And she goes, so what is it like for you? And I go, well, I have playboys in my room. I know.
1:33:40🔗
Caller
And she goes, well, I do too. That's so cool. Cause now I can have someone to talk to. So she took me home the other day and she told me that she wanted to hang out. Cause I just broke up with my boyfriend and like, I don't know. We've been together for a while, but her parents are more than You've been, you've been getting it on with her? Not yet, but I get with my other girlfriend.
1:34:16🔗
Adam
I'm into Drew's, I'm into Drew's style too. It's when he wears his slippers to work and wears his flannel PJ bottoms that look like he made in them. That's what I'm attracted to. And then Drew, you're into me too, right?
1:35:00🔗
Caller
I don't know how to tell my parents because her parents are Mormon and my parents are Mormon and my dad kind of knows I've done stuff with girls.
1:35:20🔗
Drew
Why don't you break it in slowly? Why don't you just first tell them you're having sex with boys?
1:36:08🔗
Caller
Oh, not my sexual life though. It's something I did that at home. One time I stole the car at night and I drove it and then I crashed it.
1:36:49🔗
Adam
What did you do then? Well, I just said, you know, one time I took, it was at night. I could tell it was at night because the sun had been replaced by that other orb that wasn't as bright and it was cooler. And I heard those bugs that make noise by rubbing their legs together. And those things that those bulbs that the city puts up, they call the hangover, the streets were lit up. And I took my stepdad's car and I drove it, but then I crashed it, but then I brought it back.
1:38:27🔗
Adam
OK, listen, this this girl, God bless you. You guys make a nice couple and have a nice relationship with her.
1:38:40🔗
Caller
Yeah, if I'm going to have sex with guys, because I don't like the pill, because I like, I don't know, it makes you gain weight, it makes you moody. On them, you don't always feel anything like, I don't know, I don't like to use them. But I wonder what would be a good shot.
1:39:08🔗
Drew
Except you don't gain the weight and have the fluid. You bleed for about three months, then you lose your period altogether.
1:39:13🔗
Adam
I got a shot in my arm, and it made me not be able to have babies. And then I started bleeding from my menstrual cycle, but then it like wouldn't stop, and I had to use one of those cotton things you put in you that absorbed the blood, that had the little string hanging off them. I'm not sure what they're called, but the thing that pushes them in you could be used as a telescope, if you were doing like a play about pirates.
1:39:42🔗
Adam
Okay, everyone. All I ask for is that no one gets pregnant. No pregnancy. No, no one get pregnant. And by the way, Canada and Mexico are looking much better to me.
1:40:05🔗
Adam
You put a little gel in there or something? Of course. Yeah, it's good. It's a windblown look.
1:40:53🔗
Adam
Well, that's the show, y'all. Thanks for tuning in. We'll be back tomorrow night at about the same time. Until next time, it's Adam Kroll for Dr. Drew, saying mahalo.
1:41:06🔗
Caller
This has been Love Line. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.