7:41🔗
Voiceover
Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.
8:04🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. I love that Max Headroom type opening. Very 80s. Very 80s. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E. Do people listen to this kind of music at home, ever? No, they don't. It's just annoying. Did they ever? Have they ever? No, no. I believe there's a certain... I believe there's certain things in society. Dr. Drew, could you hit that thing in the arm?
8:34🔗
Are you angry?
8:38🔗
Drew
I drove in from UC Riverside, hauled ass in the area. Hey, they asked me, by the way, a very delightful campus and good kids. And they asked me, they go, why does Adam always beg on the junior college? And if so, what does he think about us? Riverside.
9:20🔗
Adam
No, I found I've been trying to rent a house out for a while. I finally found somebody to rent the house out. Yeah. The chick's 24 years old. She's going to pay the whole year up front, thousands of dollars. Oh my God. I immediately got angry because I thought when I was 24, I couldn't afford a moped. Oh my God. I was paying rent all up front. So the thing about it is, there was on my table was like her resume. Actually, it was a picture of her. I don't know why she sent. I think good-looking people include the picture just about everything.
9:54🔗
Adam
Well, when you're a good-looking person and you like apply for a job, you just include your picture. You just always include your picture. It's not going to, if you're a chick and you're 24 and you're attractive, go ahead and include your picture. Yeah, I mean, they're trying out for the Job Corps, whatever it is. They're donating over at the March of Dimes or they're looking to be a nanny. Whatever it is, if you're hot, include that picture. Believe me, if a guy is doing the hiring, it will help. So, there's her picture. I'm looking at that and I'm going to get on the pot. So, I grab a resume which I think is her resume, naturally, sitting next to her picture. I sit on the pot and I just start reading through it. And it's like, Junior College. Then I had a moment. I was like, where'd she get all this money? How is she so successful? Junior College? And then I realized, oh no, wait, this is someone who's trying to get a job at the desk at my wife's spa. Yeah, then it all snapped into focus. Yeah, no, she is renting a garage in Northridge. That's right. All right, this doesn't count. That's right, and then it all came to, I thought for a minute, I thought, could I be wrong? Here's a successful product of Junior College gonna rent my home? No.
11:17🔗
What is that?
11:22🔗
Adam
Maybe. I'm sure it'll come back to haunt me. This has happened more than once. A friend of mine rented his condo. The guy just paid up front. Here's the thing about people. Sometimes people have money, and people have money, do things, they buy $14,000 watches, they buy expensive cars, they do eccentric things, they spend too much on this and on that. Well, why not do it?
11:46🔗
Adam
And if you have money, and it's like you don't want to deal with writing a check or figuring out there's 28 days in a month or 31 days in a month at all, you just pay it all, you got a year. Just get a year. Yeah, you lose a little interest in the bank, but it doesn't add up to be that much. I see the strategy in it. And it doesn't feel like you're just taking a pound of flesh every month. You know what I mean? Just pay it off and forget about it.
12:20🔗
Yes.
12:25🔗
Go ahead, Brittany.
12:26🔗
That's okay. The reason why I was calling is about a week ago, I went in for my regular pap smear, and I was called back and so there was some abnormalities, and I went in today and was hit with the news that I have the HPV virus. My doctor, my gynecologist was like, you have it, do you have any questions about the procedure we're about to do?
12:53🔗
Yes, she did. She defined some abnormalities in the colposcopy, and she's sending it off to, I think the pathologist, I think that's what she said, but anyhow, she just kind of threw it out there and didn't really explain to me and kind of gave me like a pamphlet, and the only thing, you know, when I started asking her questions about it, the only thing that she would tell me was that one injury people have, it's very common for females my age, I could have contracted it orally or through, through inter vaginal sex, even with a condom. She said that there's different strains of it and she's not sure what I have. My question is, if she's seen, already seen abnormalities on, you know, maybe possible pre-cancer cells in my cervix, does that mean I'll get the genital warts too?
13:35🔗
Drew
It's the same thing. I mean, you don't have to see the warts to have the wart virus, this is the wart virus. And sometimes the warts are present, sometimes they're not. It's hard to predict. The real question is, are you going to get cervical cancer? And are you going to have something that you're going to have to deal with for a long, long time and that time will tell. The more persistent forms of this virus are the ones that are more highly associated with cervical cancer. So the other subtypes tend to go away by themselves.
14:10🔗
That's me on the board. Brian's answering the phones.
14:14🔗
Adam
All right, oh, the board, yeah. Yeah, oh, Brian, yeah. The enemy of big jugs, Brian. I begged that kid to give me a big jug call and he tosses me a bone.
14:24🔗
Adam
That's when you're begging, yeah. Once a month, I give it, once every five weeks, I make the decree that we need some big boob calls. They show up, I'll get half a boob call that night and then five weeks, they'll go by again and I'll make the decree again. Brian, big jug calls.
14:46🔗
Adam
Yeah, Brian, I'm not kidding anymore. You just, you gotta do it, buddy. You gotta do it. I don't want to talk about any more Vag problems. It's nothing but chicks with Vag problems. It's nothing but people that can orgasm. I don't want to talk to another 21-year-old chick who only has a vaginal orgasm but not a clitoral orgasm. We answer that goddamn question 500 times a night. Give me a nice areola call. Come on, buddy. I don't care what you're interested in, Brian. You give me some big jugs.
15:23🔗
Caller
At least I don't want to put through the big, loud dick calls that he's always trying to put through.
15:31🔗
Hey, how are you guys doing?
15:33🔗
Caller
Yeah, I just want to thank you guys. You do wonderful work. You don't get enough credit. You guys really helped me through high school and Drew and Adam, you honestly, you're the reason I chose psychology for my major in college.
15:43🔗
Caller
And Drew also cracked a wonderful book. I actually just cited it in one of the essays I just wrote, so thank you so much.
15:50🔗
Caller
What's going on? I need to get on in Boston, but anyway, Adam, first of all, your condom loader idea, I'm sorry, but somebody actually just invented it.
16:03🔗
Caller
Basically, it's from a guy in Senegal. He said that everyone there is having trouble using the condom, so he wanted to make it as easy as possible. It's essentially like a ring, imagine like something you blow a bubble through. It's essentially hooking into that and it just rolls over you, so.
16:28🔗
Adam
I don't want to get ripped off, but I'm working on a six-shooter variety, too, for the big nights.
16:33🔗
Drew
Yeah, but you wanted something to do with a little slot in the wall, just a little thing opens up.
16:41🔗
Caller
Okay, so my problem is basically, I'm just graduating from college, and I'm having a lot of problem. I found out in my job interviews, it sounds like a silly question, but I mean, I get a lot of sweat on my forehead and nose, and especially under my armpits, and I use deodorant, and I just find it really off-puts a lot of the people I'm trying to actually get a job with, so.
16:57🔗
Drew
Well, interesting you should call. Our illustrious, my illustrious partner here, had the same problem.
17:10🔗
Adam
Forehead's the worst. I never knew anyone with a wetter forehead and drier armpits. In all the years you knew me, ever seen anything under my arms?
17:24🔗
Adam
Right. That's true. Once in a while, something would take the plunge off one of my brows like an archipelago and cliffdiver and hit my armpit. So here's the thing. And here's the reality. People judge.
17:40🔗
Adam
Well, we're primitive. All right. Let's put it this way. We keep begging everyone not to judge. No judge. You can't judge. All we do is judge.
18:01🔗
Adam
All right, VJ., we're going to get to your profuse sweating in just a second. This is what cracks me up about those ACLU pussies and all the pussies that don't want any profiling going on at the airport or profiling going on by police or any kind of. All we do is human beings is sort of judge, profile and assess risk. That's all we do. That's maybe we don't need to do as much of it as we used to do, but we can't stop from doing it. I don't know. Maybe there's other things we don't need, but we still have them. You know what I'm saying?
18:36🔗
Adam
And that's what you do. And when you see somebody who is sweating, you think this person is nervous, is shifty, may be dishonest, hiding something, may not be during an interview process, may be not answering the questions honestly.
18:54🔗
Drew
And by the way, even if it's just that you appear nervous, somehow doesn't feel competent, doesn't feel in sort of control of himself. And you wouldn't want your pilot of the aircraft dripping sweat off his forehead.
19:07🔗
Adam
Right. You wouldn't want the guy coming around telling everyone how many hours to Miami. He's just got a big bead going down his nose. So this can really screw with people. And then in the, you know, dates are horrible, every, you know.
19:20🔗
Drew
And what people realize is that they somehow believe that they aren't able to assess that some people just sweat from there regardless of why they're sweating.
19:30🔗
Adam
No, they just judge. And I don't know that people that have a sweaty forehead are more nervous than people that don't have a sweaty forehead. They just have more sweat glands or outlets or whatever in the forehead.
19:41🔗
Drew
But if somebody sweats from their armpits, if they get nervous like during an exam or something, it tends to be kind of the head that goes. And you see the head start to kick in, which is, you know, the nervous sweat.
19:50🔗
Adam
Yeah. Yeah. All right. So anyway, there is a, there's a procedure for your armpits. There's one for your, for your forehead and there's one for your palms too.
20:13🔗
Adam
I think I, and as you know, I pay in bundles. You know, you know, one bundle is like a couple thousand dollars, maybe $10,000 or so.
20:23🔗
Adam
I throw a bundle at him. And, you know, so that, you know, could have been two bundles, maybe a bundle, maybe-
20:37🔗
Adam
Well, I would buy like chewing gum or pack of cigarettes. Here's a bundle. Somebody explained to me, you can take the single pieces of money out. I don't know what they call the single ones. And you could slide them out.
20:52🔗
Adam
And use the single one. And you want to know what? They give you more money back if you buy something. Wow. If you buy something cheap.
21:02🔗
And you take it back?
21:06🔗
Adam
Because, you know, I will pay in the bundles. You know, I think it's $100 and then a whole bunch of them in a bundle. And then when I found out they came apart, I started using that. And they just start giving me other pieces of paper back with other numbers on it.
21:21🔗
Adam
Now, I didn't know it went lower than $100. OK. You know, all of a sudden. Well, let me ask Michelle. Did you know they had $21? They had a $20 paper?
21:32🔗
No, I didn't. I thought that it just came in fives and ones. I work here, remember?
21:44🔗
Adam
So I didn't know it went under $100. And I didn't even know the bundles came apart until recently. Thank God. Jimmy pointed that out to me because I was, you know, I bought a thing of mints on a bundle with the bundle.
22:01🔗
Adam
I didn't know it was okay to pull the paper apart. He taught me where I could slide them out. I didn't have to break the paper band part.
22:13🔗
Drew
How do you pay them? If the bundle has been violated, what do you do now? You can't pay in a bundle anymore.
22:29🔗
Adam
That's what I said, but, you know what? Jimmy's smart with money and he said, you should exhaust the bundle and then start a new bundle. Okay?
22:40🔗
Yeah, exhaust like you put all the extra paper in one pile, then later you accumulate it and make it into one bundle. I do with my change, I put it in one big jar and then later. Change? What are you talking about?
22:57🔗
It is a little coin.
23:16🔗
Adam
Is that what that? Okay. I was parking the other day and there was one of those things on a stick that had a timer on it, and I was trying to wedge a bundle into it, and it had a little opening, and I was thinking, like, how am I supposed to get my bundles into this? And I balled it up and I was pushing it in, and then I saw someone with something that looked like those metal slugs that come out of the four gang boxes on the construction site, and I thought, maybe that's what goes into the slot. They push it into that slot. There's metal money. You're right. I have seen it.
23:49🔗
It's those things you see when you're little to play video games. Do you remember?
23:54🔗
Adam
Well, I had an arcade at home. I had a big arcade. It was near my bowling alley. My father insisted. Anyway.
24:03🔗
That's right.
24:07🔗
Yeah.
24:08🔗
Adam
Yeah. So I'll tell you what you can do, though. You can see if your insurance company will cover it, but you kind of have to prove to them that you need your forehead for something.
24:28🔗
Adam
I got to be honest with you. I had unfortunately had this procedure done and then about five, six days later had the hernia, the much dreaded hernia surgery that Drew built up into a mountain. That was a zero and this thing was an eight.
25:01🔗
Caller
I have a great website for you guys. I'm not going to give it out over the air, but you know how you always talk about how people want to be virgins technically so they engage in oral and anal sex? There's this great parody website out there that I know...
25:13🔗
Adam
All right. We don't even look at our own website. All right, Vijay, get in there. Check into this. I think it's called the hyperhidrosis or whatever.
25:23🔗
Adam
The point is, everybody, all you people with the sweaty palms and the sweaty foreheads and the big pitting out, big pits, I don't know the thing, you can talk to people about it. They can do stuff about it now. And just a quick tip for all the guys with the sweaty palms whose hands I shake on almost daily basis, don't shake the hand. Just put your hands where it's signed. If the person extends their hand, then go ahead and do it. But wait for them to make the move.
25:50🔗
Adam
There's times when you meet people where you don't need to shake hands. You know what I mean? There's that weird little window that closes very quickly. You don't realize, you don't do that much handshaking. And once in a while, you get that big mop hand and you're like, we didn't need to shake hands. Why'd you do that?
26:17🔗
Adam
I wonder if you could make bundles out of the smaller ones, like engineer Michelle made.
26:30🔗
Adam
I don't know how you would transport something like that. I don't know. I wear spats and tails and a gray top hat. I'm a huge mustache. I look like the Monopoly man when I travel around. Well, that's it. I'm going to now stop paying in bundles and start using that hard money I call it. What do you call it again? Change? Change? Coins. Coins. Oh, so that's two names. Okay. All right. I'm going to look into that. I'm going to have my people look into that. Kathy?
26:58🔗
Hello?
27:10🔗
Caller
Yeah, not a clue. I just got back from Canada and I just learned of loonies and toonies.
27:24🔗
Please.
27:25🔗
Caller
I actually have two and a half questions. The first one is, I am interested in getting a boob job. I'm a little lopsided, I guess. One's a B and one's a C. And my doctor said that my insurance may cover it if it is really noticeable.
27:54🔗
Caller
I don't know. My mom has it. I'm still under her, so I'm 25. All right. Doers for a hospital, so. Okay. But anyway, they supposedly cover it if it's a big, noticeable difference.
28:08🔗
Drew
The difference? Very, very common. I've never heard of the insurance paying for it, but it's very, very common.
28:17🔗
Drew
No, I understand. I'm just saying that the different position, different size, different direction of the nipple, all that kind of stuff, that's very, very common.
28:26🔗
Adam
Right, and good luck. I mean, you're going to have to prove that you have a sort of deformity, not a little asymmetry.
28:34🔗
Caller
I also want to ask if I can get, like, areola reduction. I don't know if that's possible.
29:11🔗
Adam
Hold on. I love the fact that women have no idea what size anything is. My wife thought we could, when we were getting married, she suggested covering the pool and turning it into a dance floor. I thought we could do it with one sheet of plywood. Are you high? By the way, the marriage is off to Pernicus.
29:35🔗
Are you kidding me?
29:36🔗
Adam
What is that? What is that? I mean, look, you stare at a ruler. It's 12 inches long. There's 12 of those things on it.
29:50🔗
Drew
And distances and shapes and size and stuff. Males were the ones that evolved to get that.
29:55🔗
Adam
I know an inch is I know what size an inch is. And I'm a guy who just found out moments ago there was metal money.
30:05🔗
Adam
You know, you just you you drew you drew. That's three quarters of an inch. All right. We would these these lines on this paper I'm drawing on here would be about three eights.
30:16🔗
Adam
So, you know, healthy sparse ass hair over a quarter would be about an inch there. I would like Kathy to measure her areolas now. Kathy, I'm going to need you to measure measure those babies.
30:42🔗
Caller
Actually, it's a sewing one and just yeah, I guess it is a sewing one and I have it right now.
30:57🔗
Adam
All right. It's good. Oh, OK. Thank God, Kathy. I want you to I want you to measure. And I'm going to measure my penis. Drew, you know, you know how I measure.
31:18🔗
Adam
Center of the anus, because there's a lot of there's questions. Where do you begin? How do you know that's an accurate measurement? Again, one more time. Are you measuring their penis?
31:36🔗
Adam
Just beyond. Okay, let's take a little break. We'll be back with Kathy, who's measuring her areolas as we speak after this. Yeah, everybody. It's Love Line.
32:12🔗
Adam
Man, I asked for some big boob calls about 10 minutes ago. Now, look at this, we got a giant boob call.
32:20🔗
Adam
Yeah. Now, you'd think I'd be happy, but it just makes me think about all the big boob calls that Brian ignores on a constant basis.
32:47🔗
Adam
Did you measure? You have some asymmetry in your boobs, but did you measure your areolas?
32:58🔗
Yeah.
33:03🔗
I know.
33:13🔗
Adam
The opening of your cup there, Drew, is about three and just a little bit of change, the inner, the ID.
33:28🔗
A little less than that.
33:29🔗
Adam
Yeah, a little less than that. I'd say it's more, it's a, you know, a smaller paper cup top.
33:59🔗
Adam
All right. So you want to get those reduced out. Does your boyfriend like them or does he think they're weird or what's up?
34:06🔗
Caller
He doesn't think they're weird. We both agree that they're large. And if I had bigger boobs, it'd probably like match it.
34:33🔗
Adam
Me and my pelican. Rusty. Got to get that pelican. All right. So, Kathy, I have heard that they have an areola reduction.
34:43🔗
Adam
God knows. There's nothing some guy wearing a pinky ring won't do if you pay him a few grand these days. But on the other hand, you do sort of have the risk of making it look like somebody monkeyed with them and scarring and that kind of stuff. It's not that big an issue for most guys.
35:01🔗
Drew
One of the reasons they use, they cut around the areola to put the implants in sometimes, that the scarring looks very hidden around the areola.
35:09🔗
Adam
Right. So Kathy, we would say with your asymmetry problem, go ahead and get a professional's advice. Maybe the insurance will pay for it. On the other hand, you're 20, you have nice puffy areolas. Why monkey? You know what I mean? True. God doesn't make mistakes.
35:40🔗
Caller
Yes. Thank you for remembering. Yeah. I'm 5'5, 136. And what is the best way to get rid of like excess fat by your butt? Right below your butt.
35:57🔗
Drew
Lose weight generally. First, just get on a weight reduction diet, low fat, adequate protein, exercise regularly.
36:09🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, look, here's the other thing, Kathy. I do light bulb while you're under the start working on your career instead of your career. You know what I'm saying?
36:21🔗
Adam
Your career instead of your career. Because here's the thing, everybody, and I know it's got to be tough and it's got to be tough to be a woman and all that stuff and everyone looks so great and all that stuff. But you're not going to change yourself that much.
36:37🔗
Adam
Not without a knife. I was just watching Survivor tonight. It strikes me, you know, we always have this conversation where our society just tells you, you just get that Elle MacPherson workout book. It looks just like her. Start with her Claudia Schiffer's Power Yoga and you're going to be fine. I also like when those idiots, those idiot models write diet books and they mention that for the last ten years they've been living off of McDonald's and chili fries and desserts every night. Now, they're getting it together and they're writing a diet book, so you can look like them. Well, first off, you look better five years ago, Sweet Pea. I got news for you when you're on your burger bench. So you got model, you started modeling at 14, you're now 25, you've been eating burgers the last nine years. What kind of math are we supposed to do here? Yeah?
37:31🔗
Adam
What do you mean? You're gonna write a diet book? I was watching Survivor tonight. It struck me. Everyone walks around with their shirt off. Everyone's basically walks around in their underpants and they all eat the same thing.
37:45🔗
Adam
Which is next to nothing. Whatever rice, whatever fish they can pull out of the ocean. Nobody's working out. Right. Everyone's exact same regiment. Some guys look like they're still built like trees. Other guys are just spindly and all elbows and knees, you know. The women, some of the women still have a nice robust ass on them. Others look emaciated, you know.
38:16🔗
Adam
And do the exact same amount of exercise. Yet some of the guys look like adonises and some of the other guys just look like they're gonna blow away.
38:27🔗
Adam
Oh, the brother they tossed off about three weeks ago looked like he should be posing for a hunk calendar. I mean, just 27 inch waist, just triceps, you know, like grapefruits hanging out of the back of him, big heaving chest. That guy just looked like he'd been working out the entire time when the reality is he's been living off a ration of rice and doing the same thing everyone else was. Looked amazing. Then there's another guy, looks like a chick with no boobs, you know what I mean? Just super spindly, super gangly. What's your secret?
39:13🔗
Adam
Yeah, there's some, there's women who are going on day number 30 who still got a little gut and ass on him, who looked the same size they did when they got to the island.
39:26🔗
Adam
Your shape, it's like putting a ray gun on a car and just shrinking it down 40%. Everything else looks exactly the same. It just becomes a go-kart.
39:36🔗
Drew
It's one of the reasons you got to maintain a protein intake. It's a little bit different when you're able to do that.
39:41🔗
Adam
Tell that to the black guy, looks absolute washboard abs and big veins popping out of his biceps and stuff. It's crazy.
39:51🔗
Adam
Couldn't swim still. But what are you going to do? He couldn't swim. But the point is, is crazy muscle, crazy muscles like Popeye all of a sudden. All I'm saying is, everybody, if you really want to change it, you think you're going to change your body that much.
40:16🔗
Caller
I got a Germany or Florida for you. All right. Okay. A 14-year-old girl was arrested Tuesday for allegedly poisoning her music teacher with lemonade spiked with marker board cleaner. The girl told police she put the cleaner into the teacher's drink because she was angry the teacher wouldn't let her leave class to go to the restroom. Police said the teacher immediately knew something was wrong when she took a sip from the cup she had placed on top of a piano in class. Other students allegedly told police the girl spiked the drink as several students were crowded around the piano. They were good witnesses but they did not try to stop her nor did they try to alert the teacher, said the police.
40:54🔗
Adam
That feels like Florida. Although the Germans have a rich history of not trying to stop people from doing bad things.
41:07🔗
Adam
Yeah, see there's no, thank you. We picked Germany last night. We don't always pick Florida. Thank you for that weak effort, Chris.
41:44🔗
Adam
That's it. Yeah, thanks. The Loveline Companion, I've visited a couple of times, mainly to see our wonderful cartoon that our friend Mark, what's his name? What's his name?
41:55🔗
Adam
Michael Naran. I'm going to write that down. Michael Naran. Yeah. I've shown that cartoon to a few people and a few folks in the biz, and people are impressed.
42:13🔗
Adam
I mean, a great animation. Animation. If you go, we do great narration. If you go to the Loveline Companion, you can see what now is all three cartoons posted up there.
42:25🔗
Drew
You know, you guys may need to repost them to make sure people can get access to them because they're so deep into the host.
42:39🔗
Adam
You should. All right. Where are we, Drew? By the way, Sunday night, Seth MacFarlane is going to be in here from The Family Guy.
42:59🔗
Adam
Week from Sunday. Yeah, I'm going to go and I'm going to go do a voiceover for them tomorrows. And I always see Seth there. So I'll see him tomorrow and I'll prime his pump for Sunday. And also Alex Borstein is going to be, but it's gay. Alex Borstein is going to be in here who's an old friend of mine and who not only does a lot of the voices on The Family Guy, but does a lot of writing and lots of contributions to the show. Michaela?
43:30🔗
Yes, sir.
44:59🔗
Adam
Oh, no. I mean, I mean, it's cool if you want to, but I just think you'd be your time would be better spent over here.
45:08🔗
Adam
Well, you know, we got other breaks. I'll tell you what. Why don't you and Michelle hang here? OK, Michelle, I could use it. I could use some more water. Drew, show her the way. I'm going to sprint out to the car. I got to grab something. It's going to be hard to find. I should be back. But if I'm not back when the mics heat up, just lead us in. I'll just be a minute. I'll just be right behind you. Maybe we'll play a little best of or something. Do we have some best of?
45:37🔗
Well, we got four minutes here, so.
45:39🔗
Adam
We got four. Yeah. Now, yeah, we're just Anderson, get ready. I'll be like Tony Hawk or something on a tape or something that the kids would like.
46:07🔗
Adam
Michaela with the 32 G's, five, five, one twenty, one, one thirty, one twenty five, one twenty four. All that after this.
46:16🔗
Thank you for calling Loveline.
46:24🔗
Loveline is brought to you by TNT.
46:41🔗
Adam
I exploded in the parking lot. I didn't make it to the car. I mean, I found my key ring under the seat.
47:11🔗
Adam
It was, you know, it was solid, but I'll tell you what, no more breaks. No more breaks. No more. I'm disgusted. I don't need any more of that.
47:33🔗
Adam
Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It was under the seat. Yeah. All right. So Michaela, you're 5'5, you're 124.
47:59🔗
Caller
I have to order them from Europe. From Europe. I can't, I can't find them in America anywhere.
48:14🔗
Adam
Okay. All right. And well, if you have, when these women have boyfriends, there's like the guys that are into it and then the guys who pretend they're not into it, so they don't think that's why they're with them.
48:57🔗
Adam
And what do you look like in a bikini? Is it just outrageous? I mean, is every head on the beach turned?
49:13🔗
Caller
High school I covered up because, you know, you kind of have to because I've had them. I think they were like double Ds by the time I was 14. So yeah, it's odd because all of my sisters and my mom are no bigger than Bs. I got it all in the family, I guess.
49:42🔗
Caller
Oh, actually when I heard you with the other color I measured and they're just a little over two.
49:51🔗
Adam
Wow. With the G size cup. Well, all right. No, I mean, it's fine, but they probably look a little small on you.
50:11🔗
Adam
Well, here's the thing. Here's what it's like. It's like saying 17-inch or 18-inch rims are pretty good-sized rims on most cars, but not if you got a Hummer.
50:27🔗
Adam
You know what I'm saying? And, you know, if two is a nice areola, don't get me wrong. And I don't want a bunch of letters from the areola people either.
50:59🔗
Caller
Well, actually, I wanted to talk to you because I'm thinking of getting a reduction. But how small... I don't want to go really small, but I want your expert opinion on what a good size would be.
51:46🔗
Adam
Here's my opinion. Truthfully, you got to go see C plus, otherwise it's probably not worth it. It's probably not worth going down.
52:02🔗
Adam
I don't even know if there's an F. But the point is, yeah, OK, whatever you do, you're a small framed person that still has abnormally large breasts.
52:21🔗
Yes.
52:22🔗
Adam
My feeling is, is if you're going to go down, if you're going to go under the knife, you don't want to do it twice. Live with your big boobs, photograph them, document them, and then step down to a big C.
52:36🔗
Adam
All right. Then go with a D. I'm just saying the surgeon is going to be able to tell you what he can do and what he can't do. These guys usually get you, they always get you down between a C and a D.
52:54🔗
Hello?
52:56🔗
Hi. I'm calling you because I had a question. I read on the Internet that Laura Flynn Boyle bleaches her anus.
53:06🔗
Is that even a real procedure?
53:08🔗
Adam
They call it chlor-holing. They take the chlorox bleach, they insert a funnel. Hey, Abby, I'm going to tell you if that's true in a second. Could you do the alphabet in a sing-songy way like A, B, C, D?
53:23🔗
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, 7F?
53:29🔗
Adam
She did. Yeah. She actually sung it a little bit. Anal bleaching. Hold on a second, Abby. I like Abby. Abby is a good name for a girl. Isn't that a cool name? You can't go wrong with an Abby. Someone has sent you up with an Abby? You'd do it. You'd go for it. Yeah? Okay. I'm just saying. I know what you're saying, Drew.
53:49🔗
All right.
53:50🔗
Adam
We're going to get back with Abby. We're going to talk about anal bleaching because Drew was telling me how this is sweeping the nation. I know he has thoughts on it. Well, you'll get to hear those thoughts after this.
54:58🔗
Adam
We got travel and weather coming up the top of the hour. Look out for lane closure, brake lights, and mattress and lanes in 405 and 101. 57 degrees coming in to Norco. Southern Van Nuys checking in at 71. Cheryl Rock Station coming in. We got September coming up. Somebody came up with a, see, somebody came up with a good, a good, I'm gonna think of-
55:36🔗
Yeah?
55:44🔗
It's apparently, you know, like skin lightening that you can do on other areas of your body. You can have it done on the skin around your anus.
55:57🔗
Yes. And Laura Flynn Boyle is apparently the ringleader of this.
56:03🔗
I don't think so. I think that other people are saying it.
56:06🔗
Adam
And I don't know how people think about that. I don't think she does it herself. She does endorse that kit I've seen advertised.
56:15🔗
Adam
Yeah, anal wink, they call it. And that ping thing goes and the little star comes off it.
56:27🔗
Drew
It's not a problem. And the anus is sort of a crossover from skin to mucosa. And it makes sense to me. You might be able to do a little bit of something with that if you needed to.
56:40🔗
Adam
He does. What is that? How come no one else does that? Does someone else, does Little Richard do that?
57:02🔗
Drew
The reality is that if my interest is when I was in training, they always darken the light part.
57:08🔗
Drew
There was something called serelin or sericin, or something they could take. They could darken it up. And so they never went the other way. So that whole thing was always suspect.
57:17🔗
Hmm.
57:26🔗
Adam
Here it is. Rocktober is coming up. September coming up after that. And after commercial break, we got the Boston Marathon.
57:40🔗
Adam
Playing Don't Look Back. Playing all of the Boston's Peace of Mind. All the Boston's. Like all 22 Boston songs. Perfect. We got a Boston Marathon coming up. Boston Marathon.
57:52🔗
Adam
Write that down. Go down the hall with that. Take that over the classic rock station, a Boston Marathon. How come no one's come up with that one?
58:06🔗
Adam
I would do the Boston Rock Group Marathon around the Boston Marathon, which is to place a week or so ago.
58:17🔗
Yes.
58:20🔗
I'm 32.
58:29🔗
Caller
Well, I started doing porn when I was 19, and over the years, I've had a lot of trouble trying to find relationships that I can find serious.
58:41🔗
Caller
Yeah, I guess. I figured by now, I could find at least something that I could call love.
58:47🔗
Drew
Well, there's two forces at work here. One is that guys have difficulty sort of looking the other way when you're having sex with lots of other guys in front of the camera. And two, whatever it is that makes a woman choose that life path often makes intimacy, causes severe difficulty with intimacy. So you have two forces working against you.
59:24🔗
Caller
Well, I've been in it on and off since I was 19. Since December, I've made probably 15.
59:32🔗
Caller
I've been in and out of it. I danced. I did Internet. I did, I mean, just on every aspect of the adult industry.
1:00:20🔗
Right. What?
1:00:21🔗
Adam
The milf, the mothers you want to have. And then, and then the, what, what, what, is there anything on your contract you won't do?
1:00:40🔗
Let's see.
1:00:53🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah. Now they come out in pieces. I can't go there and put full bundles on. So you don't do asthmouth. How much asthmouth requests are there?
1:01:07🔗
Adam
By the way, I love those kinds of answers. I don't do asthmouth. Well, how much of that do people make? Well, none because I won't do it. Oh, I see. You won't do it and you won't do it to it. People are so goddamn stupid. You can't even really. Here's what it is. You can't ask a question without them being turned back to them.
1:01:36🔗
Adam
As they only know, they're you can't get what you're going for because you haven't included them in the question.
1:01:40🔗
Right.
1:01:49🔗
Caller
Well, I don't really watch porn. So, I mean, there's a pretty big... Well, there's only certain girls that do it, I guess. Okay.
1:02:06🔗
Caller
Um, no. It just isn't something that I enjoy. So, I'm not going to do something I don't...
1:02:11🔗
There is no racial bigotry here.
1:02:38🔗
Caller
Yeah, it depends on who the male talent is. But yeah, it's negotiable. I don't have a problem with that.
1:02:52🔗
Adam
Well, yeah, hazard, hazard, hazard, duty pay. Yeah. You get it? Hazard getting duty on your penis. Yeah, you should get hazardous duty pay and he should get penious duty pay. Yeah. Michelle Punch you tonight. Get that duty on your penis, Eric.
1:03:33🔗
And what's...
1:03:35🔗
Caller
I'm sure that has something to do with it, but maybe right now it's been because most of the men are really turned off with, you know, my job.
1:03:53🔗
Caller
Yeah, I've tried that too, but I'm not really attracted to many of the guys that are in the industry.
1:04:00🔗
Adam
Oh, really? You don't like that weird tanned shaved sack look they all seem to present?
1:04:07🔗
Drew
Yeah, we're in a weird society, this is people that live in this world where they screw amongst themselves and the rest of the world watches them.
1:04:17🔗
Drew
And they can't have relations with somebody else, another human. I mean, just think if you were a Martian and you come down and watch this.
1:04:32🔗
Adam
Well, take some mushrooms, you'll freak out. Erika, how about you get out of the business and just try to have a normal life and have a normal relationship? How about that?
1:04:44🔗
Caller
Yeah, I could try that. I'm going to school to get a degree right now, so I can have a career after this, but...
1:05:09🔗
Adam
All right. I'm down with OPP myself. Yeah. See, Drew doesn't laugh, but Michelle laughs at that one. All right, Erica. Look. Listen, baby doll. You're 32. Don't run yourself into the ground over the next eight years doing the ATM stuff. You just... Why don't you get out, get yourself a gig, get your dignity together, and get in a relationship.
1:05:37🔗
Drew
All right. I think that scares you more than anything, frankly, Erica. That's why you don't do it.
1:06:21🔗
Adam
But you gotta realize, you gotta put that in perspective, that was 10 years ago. She was 83.
1:06:29🔗
Adam
It was a different, it was a different, she was a different person, she was 83, and it was a different time, it was 95. Maybe it was 97.
1:06:39🔗
All right.
1:06:41🔗
Yes.
1:07:08🔗
Caller
Okay. A 16-year-old was arrested under a very strange charge after years of suffering physical abuse from his father. On one particular night, he decided to seek a very strange form of revenge. After finding his father drunk and passed out, he decided to tie him up and rape him anally.
1:07:46🔗
Adam
We've all thought about it many times. Let's be honest with our own families. Drew, expressing these feelings to me on more than one occasion, but I don't think even Drew has ever fall through with it.
1:08:11🔗
Drew
I was going to say, this is mental illness, so it could have gone on anywhere. It's not a unique Floridian behavior. Plenty of mental illness in Florida. I'll tell you, but nobody would have reported this in Florida.
1:08:24🔗
Adam
Thanksgiving is going to be so uncomfortable next year when these two have to break bread at the dinner table.
1:08:47🔗
Adam
Well, the thing I like about this is we had a Germany last night of Florida earlier tonight in Germany again.
1:08:56🔗
Adam
Yeah. Nobody strokes themselves better than us, Drew. I got to tell you that. Man, are we good. And we're great at stroking each other, too. We gotta give ourselves credit for that as well. But we do for sometimes we'll get in these little Florida slumps because everything feels like Florida.
1:09:13🔗
Adam
People have been feeding us some Germanys to try to trick us. But that's the thing that's really interesting about human beings, which is why some of these things smell like Germany and why others smell like Florida. They're both just horrible atrocities for the most part. They're both basically different forms of violence and abuse. Yet, they have a, they give us a very strong feeling, either Florida or Germany.
1:09:40🔗
Adam
And let's say over the last year, we're 90 percent. Would you say that? We missed one and a half every 10, that's it.
1:10:49🔗
Drew
How crazy is that? Think about that. Again, I'm a Martian appearing. I drop into junior high school and find women, female.
1:10:57🔗
Drew
Female homo sapiens shunning this one who develops certain physical characteristics before the other.
1:11:04🔗
Adam
I have to say, though, going to what I feel is a very average junior high and high school filled with, well, maybe a little below average, but just close to the worst the San Fernando Valley had to offer. I mean, people know qualms about being horrible to each other at all.
1:11:25🔗
Adam
She hung up. We'll put her on hold. There were hot chicks who went to junior high and high school. They had tons of friends.
1:11:32🔗
Adam
The other girls may have sort of talked about them behind their back, but ultimately people are attracted to attractive people, male and female.
1:11:44🔗
Adam
I don't think there's a 13-year-old girl alive who's in junior high who doesn't feel like other people talk behind their back and call them this and call them that.
1:11:56🔗
Caller
No, no, no, no, no. I have friends. I have a couple friends. A lot of girls will try and talk to me, and then they'll talk to their friends and be like, oh yeah, her boobs are fake. They'll just be friends with me and then they'll say bad stuff. Like, I do have friends. I have a lot of guy friends.
1:12:15🔗
Adam
Yeah, shocking. Yeah. All right, so welcome to the world. Are you okay? Do you want to get a reduction?
1:12:30🔗
Adam
Hard to tell. Most women who have large breasts say they got started early. Yes. Also, some of them stop and some of them keep going. I guess you could take a look at your mom, your grandmom, and that kind of stuff, and sort of figure out where you're at.
1:12:46🔗
Adam
Yeah, I bet if you would have taken a look at mom or dad's grandmom, you would have seen some some juggage on those old boots, you know what I mean? Still good.
1:12:59🔗
Adam
I think I'm gonna get about 20 minutes. Grace? That's a nice name, by the way. Oh, yeah, thank you. Yeah. All right, so here's the thing. We can't predict how you're gonna turn out. We're getting a weird echo thing, so I'm gonna put her on hold. We have to tell this to people all the time, young people. There's not a 13-year-old that wouldn't change something about them as they look at themselves in the mirror.
1:13:21🔗
Drew
But this whole thing is a lot to contend with for young women. The boys, older boys, are clawing themselves to get out of the young girls' think there's something wrong with them, shun her.
1:13:34🔗
Adam
Well, but if you talk to any 13 or 14-year-old girl and they start asking her about school, she's gonna tell you why guys do this and why girls do that.
1:13:43🔗
Drew
If you remember our G caller from earlier, our 32G, he said she wore baggy clothes all the way through high school and no one really noticed.
1:13:52🔗
Adam
Yeah, you can slide under the radar a little bit. I just, you know, see Drew went to the Little Lord Fauntleroy School for albino hemophiliac.
1:14:02🔗
Adam
Which you can see on the cartoon. So he has no grounding in reality at all. I went to North Hollywood High. There were some girls with some good racks. The guys, you know, knew who they were. They were as popular as friendly and as whatever. As many friends as they had is exactly what their personality would have suggested. There was none of them who were super friendly and smart and outgoing and were shunned by the female populace. They weren't being grabbed at by the boys. And again, I went to school with, you know, 3,500 animals. They got along with everyone else just like the tall kid and the short fat kid. For the most part, you bring what you bring and you bring out and other people what you see. Once in a while, you get a troublemaker, but don't count on that. Just sort of make your own way, okay? Make friends. All right, where were we?
1:14:55🔗
Adam
Gonna take a break. When we come back, we'll speak to Nancy, the pathological liar. She can't stop. Oh, she has a baby voice. I just want to hear what her voice sounds like. Nancy? Hey.
1:15:11🔗
Adam
All right, that's enough. We'll take a break. I missed the... We haven't talked to any people who can't stop lying for a while.
1:15:29🔗
Loveline is brought to you by TNT. 40 games in 40 nights.
1:15:56🔗
You're lucky I have allergies because I can't smell.
1:16:06🔗
Adam
A little gas go. Drew slammed me back. I jabbed him. He came with a big overhand. Right. Big haymaker.
1:16:14🔗
Adam
All right. Hey, yeah, it's a love line. And Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. Seth MacFarlane in here on Sunday. I do believe the great Seth MacFarlane from The Family Guy. I'm going to see him tomorrow because I'm going to do a little voice over work over at his place. And then I think Alex Borstein, who does the voice of the mom and Tricia Takanoa, the Asian reporter, many other voices on the show is going to come in here, either with Seth or the following night. She's an old dear friend of mine and all that good stuff. So that's coming up at the beginning of next week. And let me just say this. Oh, also Shannon Mokler and Travis Barker from Meet the Barker's new MTV show, which I have seen and do enjoy. By the way, you just take interesting looking people, follow them around with a camera, who have sort of interesting lives and I'll watch it. You can't go wrong. Engineers Michelle just lit a match in here because there was two farts let within about 2.5 seconds in here. I fired one at Drew, Drew shot one back. It was really could have been my same fart. It was like throwing a handball against a brick wall, just throw it, pow, it's a shot right back at me. Point is, is she lit a match and she did what a lot of people don't do, which she lit it and immediately put it out. That's what kills the smell. Light the match as fast as it lights, you put it out. Don't do that business where you light it and you hold it up like you're at a REO Speedwagon concert. Light it, put it out.
1:17:51🔗
I have experience. I have three brothers.
1:17:53🔗
Adam
Oh, you do? You do a lot of farting. All right, maybe that's what burned out your nasal passages. Nancy?
1:17:59🔗
Hi.
1:18:06🔗
I am. I'm actually looking there for Drew's input on how to treat factitious disorder.
1:18:14🔗
Adam
What is factitious disorder? What? What is that? Do you know what that is? Drew never heard of that.
1:18:22🔗
Well, not like Munchausen, not faking illness, but not seeking medical treatment for it, just lying about it.
1:18:35🔗
And they're little briquettes.
1:18:49🔗
Well, let's see. I told all of my coworkers that I needed a kidney transplant and pretended for two years.
1:19:02🔗
When I was in kindergarten, I told all of my classmates that I was pregnant and I was having a baby and I had to go home.
1:19:10🔗
I was in kindergarten at that time.
1:19:16🔗
They called my parents, but.
1:19:24🔗
I just started seeing a therapist.
1:19:27🔗
There isn't very much documentation on how to treat patients such as myself because most people don't admit to it.
1:19:39🔗
Well, I feel guilty. I don't enjoy doing it. I hurt the people who I care about. And I recently confessed to everybody. So, of course, that leads to more accountability.
1:19:55🔗
Drew
Right. It's like any other compulsion. You have to admit to it, agree to powerlessly. It's almost a 12-step approach.
1:20:02🔗
Drew
No, they probably do. They have things like that. But I would be still more concerned that this is just one symptom of a larger syndrome.
1:20:11🔗
Like borderline or?
1:20:18🔗
Not at all. I've seen a few therapists in the last couple of months, and they just think that I have a compulsive lying.
1:20:27🔗
Because I am in medical school and I read this stuff. I have a boyfriend who's a psychiatrist.
1:20:36🔗
He does not. We went to the DSM-4 and I don't need to repeat that three of the criteria of the time.
1:20:46🔗
Drew
Right. Psychiatric illnesses. The borderline, you really, borderlines have chaotic relationships and you're able to have stable relationships, right?
1:20:53🔗
I have very stable relationships because I'm exceptionally manipulative.
1:20:59🔗
I mean, I, my relationships are stable.
1:21:06🔗
I'm five foot, a hundred and thirty pounds and I'm a double D, thirty.
1:21:17🔗
No.
1:21:19🔗
No trauma. I was sexually abused when I was younger.
1:21:34🔗
Drew
This is related to your trauma survivor stuff. This is trauma survivor stuff. Look up the work of maybe Peter Phonagy or Alan Shore.
1:21:56🔗
Adam
Rusty. Rusty the Pelican. I'm going to have him. I'm going to put him on, I'm going to make him a thing with three pier pylons lashed together all different sizes. The taller one will be in the middle. Lashed together with rope. Rusty will stand on the middle one and I'll throw him anchovies.
1:22:16🔗
Adam
That's what he wants. Oh, nice. That's what he likes. And I mean, I'll toss him, but it's like a basket so big you can't miss. You know, they swallow, they don't chew Pelicans.
1:22:26🔗
Adam
You know what I like? Yeah. I like about Pelicans too. I like when they dive bomb. You ever see them out in the bay? Just, they just fly around, then they just take their wings.
1:22:37🔗
Adam
They pull them in and they just go straight down and mash into the water, grab himself a nice fish, pow, right back up again.
1:22:54🔗
Adam
Yeah. And what are the fish doing swimming up there? What do you need that for? You know what I mean?
1:22:59🔗
Drew
By the way, fish are not slow. If they come to the surface, the time it takes them to dive bomb, they're gone.
1:23:05🔗
Adam
That seems to work. Rusty, I'm going to feed by hand, you know? And he'll do that thing with his wings.
1:23:16🔗
Adam
Yeah, what? How did Seagull survive before we started bringing McDonald's to the beach? It must have been around for millions of years. What were they doing?
1:23:27🔗
Adam
Yeah. They used to be a proud bird. Now they're like rats. You know, they're scavengers. Yeah. Poor pigeons. Roberta?
1:23:42🔗
Caller
Well, I used to, well, I never used to get cold sores. And then my freshman year of college, I started to get bruises all over my body.
1:24:12🔗
Caller
After, yeah, I had to leave school, and then after the intravenous treatment and waiting off the steroids, my platelet count stayed up.
1:24:40🔗
Drew
No, no. Vitamina, Vagina, Vagina. Yeah. This is a platelet disorder where the immune system attacks the platelets, and they start bleeding spontaneously.
1:24:57🔗
Drew
You can bleed your nose and stuff. I mean, it can happen. I mean, you can bleed your head. Usually, I don't get that.
1:25:08🔗
Drew
It's a good idea to have a spleen. You don't have to have it, obviously, if it's... platelets get sequestered there in the spleen.
1:25:31🔗
Caller
I was actually one of the first people that had my spleen removed laparoscopically because I asked for it.
1:25:38🔗
Caller
So the surgeons were like little boys, they were jumping up and down like, I can't believe it worked.
1:25:50🔗
I have very little scar tissue.
1:25:54🔗
Caller
Well, I thought I'd never had cold sores before. Now I get them like maybe two or three times a year. But talking to my mother, she said, well, when you were a little girl, you had them. But then for a long, long period of time, up until I had my spleen removed, I'd never get a cold sore. Now that I don't have a spleen, well, when I first had the spleen removed, it was like, I'd have like two or three cold sores at a time, and then they would go away. And I was, and it kind of regulated to like, I get two or three a year now.
1:26:24🔗
Drew
Well, the spleen is an immune organ, right? And so it makes sense that you might have some alteration in your immune function.
1:26:34🔗
Drew
Think of it like a giant lymph node. So it's where the immune, it's where stuff is processed, basically. Think of it that way. That's the white cells go out there and they pick up stuff and they bring it back to the lymph node of the spleen to sort of be processed.
1:26:55🔗
Adam
So your body has certain parts that are in charge of keeping infections and things away?
1:27:03🔗
Adam
The immune system. Yeah, but I don't know. I never thought of the immune system as having actual components to it. I just thought everything was part of it. Well, so you got your heart, you got your lungs, you got your liver, and that has nothing to do with the immune system. I mean, it all aids in the process of it, but it's not the filter. It's not the part that actually...
1:27:29🔗
Drew
So it's lymph nodes, spleen, thymus, and then the circulating cells, and the bone marrow.
1:27:37🔗
Drew
And then the circulating products that these cells create. There's a whole lot of different kinds of lymph cells, granulocytes, autocytes.
1:27:47🔗
Adam
Phagocytes. I've been on a few of those when I was drunk, just looking. I know my wife's all freaked out about them.
1:27:55🔗
Drew
Each of these have very elaborate and different functions and the way the immune system processes it is all sort of done through the lymphatic system.
1:28:05🔗
Adam
Seems, you know, I was warehoused over at Walter Reed Junior High and then later North Hollywood High. I took some horticulture classes. I took some agriculture classes. I took some sewing classes and I was a ceramics major. Cooking, sewing. Yeah. Seemed like it would have been a decent idea to actually get into a little physiology stuff every once in a while. Once in a while.
1:28:32🔗
Adam
Little geography would have been nice too. Instead, tons and tons and tons of just the same history class basically for about nine years and then sewing and cooking in ceramics.
1:28:46🔗
Drew
So I'm not quite sure what Roberta's getting at though. What does she want to know? I don't know.
1:29:16🔗
Drew
Yeah, sores in the mouth again could be nothing, could be related to the spleen, could be not. But again, my concern is that could this be part of other autoimmune type syndrome? ITP sometimes associated with other things and sores in the mouth, sores in the vagina, joint swellings, all that kind of go down that path. So they may not be viral at all. They could be autoimmune.
1:29:35🔗
Adam
I just, I don't know why, but we're talking about sort of the human shape earlier tonight. I feel most women pack some weight on when they have kids. I always feel sorry for the poor women that have to watch pregnant women on TV who aren't actually pregnant and therefore put zero weight on except for that plastic orb they shove underneath their blouse to make the mound for the pregnancy. Now you always say that, Drew.
1:30:06🔗
Adam
It's safe to say that most women put some weight on when they get pregnant. Most 90 percent of women put weight on. I'm not saying there's not a small percentage.
1:30:27🔗
Adam
Do you see what I got to deal with here? Well, talk about a ass-whoppin. No, first off, I'm not bringing your wife into this. Number one. Number two, I'm trying to make a point.
1:30:43🔗
Drew
Well, you said that it must be awful to look at women that just have the weight gain of the fetus and the fluid, and I'm saying that it happens sometimes.
1:30:57🔗
Drew
She was the exact same weight after delivery. 50 pounds of baby fluid, and so she gained 50 from the moment she got pregnant and lost 50 on the table.
1:31:17🔗
Adam
Point is, is they look different. Most, 90% of women put weight on during pregnancy. They put it on in their hips, they put it on in their face, they put it on everywhere. These poor women have to watch these sitcoms, these TV shows where these sort of super spindly already waify model-y types, like the super smoking chick on Lost and stuff, and they're pregnant, and all they have is that bulge in their abdomen, and everything else about them is long and lean and waify, and their face doesn't put on an ounce of weight, neither does their ass. And obviously, that's the only way you can do it when the person's not actually pregnant, and they're on TV is to put that thing. They can't put weight on in their mug or their anus. Yeah.
1:32:02🔗
Adam
They can bleach the anus. Point is, it's got to be depressing for some chick who was 115, gets up to 185, and she's looking at the sporty chick from Lost, who just has half a basketball stuffed underneath her sport blouse.
1:32:16🔗
Adam
All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. We'll come back, speak to Derek, who put on 60 pounds since his girlfriend put on 60 pounds.
1:32:44🔗
Adam
Yeah, everybody. It's the Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Family Guy cast is going to be in here next week, as well as the Meet the Barkers cast, Travis and Shannon. We'll hop back to the phones and speak to Derek. He's 21. Derek.
1:33:09🔗
Caller
Well, yeah. Our relationship started about four years ago while we were seniors in high school. And, you know, what was so great about back then is that we used to have crazy, freaky sex all the time. But now, throughout the years, she's gained about 50, 60 pounds. And now she never wants to have sex because of her self-image. No matter what I say, like, I tell her I love her, you know, I tell her I love her body the way she is.
1:33:34🔗
Drew
Derek, this is one of the strange features of the female human is that if she doesn't feel whatever, sexual, attractive, doesn't like how she looks, she can't feel sexual, she can't be sexual. And no matter what the guy tells them, they either don't believe them or they still can't get it going.
1:33:51🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, it's easier not to believe you look super sexy when you're packed on 60 pounds over the last few years.
1:34:07🔗
Adam
So Derek. Yeah. How did she put on the 60 pounds over the few years? What's she been doing?
1:34:14🔗
Caller
Well, before we started going out, she was a major tweaker. And so she was a very skinny at the time. And before we started going out, she quit two months before we started going out. And she hasn't touched it since. And that's where she's pretty much gained older weight. Right now she's on a diet. She worked out every day for two hours and still not coming off.
1:34:40🔗
Adam
I'm no doctor. I am a genius and I do pay for things in bundles because I'm literally a millionaire.
1:34:47🔗
Adam
You are, if you're on a diet and you work out two hours a day, your weight is going to come off.
1:34:55🔗
Adam
It's just going to. I mean, it's not going to take six months. You're going to start seeing things after a few weeks if you're working out, in fact, working out two hours a day and dieting.
1:35:14🔗
Drew
All right. Well, then she needs to stay with you. She needs to get a medical evaluation, make sure she's got a thyroid problem or something, among other things.
1:35:22🔗
Caller
That I have no idea. I don't diet myself, so I don't really pay attention to that stuff.
1:35:28🔗
Adam
Don't sweat the tea. Myical pot smoker. All right, Derek. Look, you just support her. Hopefully, her diet goes well and that'll be that.
1:35:42🔗
Adam
Yeah. He's spindly like Dr. Bruce. Dr. Bruce comes in here. He puts 14 sugar packets in with each cup of coffee.
1:35:54🔗
Adam
You understand when you're sort of novelty skinny, you just do whatever you want. You just do what tastes good, what's right. It doesn't really matter. People want to know, how do you get so skinny? You give them stupid things like, I walk everywhere. That kind of stuff. No, you're just super skinny. Played, played, played basketball with Dr. Spass last weekend. Almost had a heart attack.
1:36:21🔗
Adam
Because here's the thing. We go out there to play hoop. He's so spastic that when he guards guys, he sees a holes in elbows, guys, all, you know, he doesn't let you get the ball inbounded. You know, he sees, he spazzes on you all the time. Most of the other guys have a sort of, there's a sort of court etiquette. You let the guy bring the ball in, you let him turn toward the hoop, you sort of give him a little cushion. If he, you know, if he's driving, you put your body on it. But if he wants to pull up from 17 feet and try his hand at it, try the jumper, try your low percentage jumper from outside the arc there. Go right ahead. Not Bruce, Bruce is spastic and he's on everyone and he's elbowing everyone and he's flying around and bumping at everyone. And I just tell him now he almost collapsed by the way after game, after game two. He boldly boasts to everyone on the court. It doesn't work out at all even though he has less body fat than anybody on the court. He's 10 years older and everyone too has zero body fat. So here's the whole thing. I keep telling them, well, if you wouldn't spaz on everybody, you'd have a little energy left for game three, the rubber man. I did tell them don't spaz. I begged him not to spaz.
1:37:42🔗
Adam
I think he is aware that he's spaz stick, but he can't stop himself. He can't see himself.
1:37:49🔗
Adam
And I'm like, Bruce, here's the deal. If you would just pace yourself, smooth yourself out, you know, this is a 12 round fight. You're out there flailing in the first round. You're gonna go up like a piccolo Pete. Just, you know, mellow out, relax, let the guy come to you and win the game, you know? And then the freak on him, you got nothing left.
1:38:21🔗
Adam
No, no, but that doesn't, his thing doesn't translate into anything really effective. It's just more annoying than it is anything. And anyway, he's going to collapse by the fourth, by the third game. And he's walking around and he actually did hit the ground pretty hard, just tripped over his own feet going after a ball, slammed onto the ground. Then he was eating, he was eating Christmas candy and everyone thought he had a bloody mouth because he was just eating red candy and everyone thought, well, why would an adult be eating red candy that way? Must have a bloody mouth from falling. Turned out it was nothing. He played the third game though, even though he was complaining, he's going to have a heart attack. By the way, he's the only one out there could have saved him. He would have had to tell us what to do. All right. I would have hit him with the crash cart.
1:39:12🔗
Drew
The ball bigger than the other, they just got to say, you got to get that evaluated. That could be a tumor.
1:39:54🔗
Adam
So there you go. When they get the breast reduction, I think they shoot for that. We were talking about earlier in the show. Thanks for the call. Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Yeah, well, that's the week, that's the show Seth MacFarlane in here tomorrow, I should say next week. Also, Shanna and Travis from Meet the Barkers. We will take a little break. Before that, though, we must give thanks for thanks or do. I want to thank phone screener Brian for doing a great job all week long.
1:40:55🔗
Adam
And doing a great job at the boob calls tonight. Engineer Anderson, the magic-fingered one, for doing a fantabulous job in here with Dag, doing all that stuff for Dagaroni. Doing a great job all week. Engineer Chris, engineer Michelle for doing a stellar job. Junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior. Junior, junior, junior, junior, producer Lauren for, really, just a shot of adrenaline and steroids she's taken over the last year, doing a great job. Of course, the ever steady producer Ann for booking great people like Travis and Seth McFarlane next week. And of course, Dr. Drew. Who else did I miss here?
1:41:40🔗
Adam
Until next time then. This is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. Nobody strokes themselves better than us, Drew.
1:41:48🔗
Adam
Man, are we good. And we're great at stroking each other, too. Gotta give ourselves credit for that as well.
1:41:55🔗
Caller
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.