7:26🔗
Adam
Lauren, you got to sit in here. You can't leave. I swear to Christ. Hey, Dr. Bruce, filling in for Dr. Drew. Dr. Bruce, board certified physician. Lauren, you can't go anywhere. Go sit down. Thank you. Board, I made this decree like four years ago. Could we please have people walk, stop having people walk in and out of the studio when the show is on?
7:48🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
I take you seriously. I know you're full around when you go out and make a decree.
7:53🔗
Adam
Thank you. Now we got to turn Bruce up. Mädchen Amick is here tonight. She is from ER as well as Jake in Progress. But Jake in Progress is just a reoccurring two episodes?
8:07🔗
Yeah, first two episodes.
8:10🔗
Adam
What is the definition of a reoccurring role? You're not a series regular, but you pop up?
8:14🔗
A series regular pretty much means that you get paid a lot less money. No, it just means that you come on and you're a guest for however many days.
8:28🔗
Yes, I am. I had to kick it off right.
8:36🔗
Adam
Well, Blackie, no, not in a derogatory way, but he was in like, I don't know, the sunsets in the ocean or something. What was he on?
8:45🔗
I don't remember.
8:49🔗
All my children.
8:49🔗
Adam
Started off in the soaps like you, Bruce. You guys went the same route in life. Come on. First, you were discovered at SE, did that calendar, and then you went right into soaps, and then you went into gay porn.
9:05🔗
Adam
Then you started making believe you're a doctor. Then you went to Mexico and you came home with your degree, and here you are today.
9:10🔗
I did a soap as well.
9:11🔗
Yes. It was one of the first things I did. I was just supposed to be a girl in a party at Days of Our Lives. I was 16, and they gave me one line, and I embellished.
9:24🔗
I was just supposed to say, Hi, you look nice. I said, Hi, you look nice. What a great dress. Where are the drinks?
9:34🔗
They kept it on, but they kept running up to me right after and said, You know, we're not going to pay you for those lines.
9:39🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah, because you went over five. Yeah. Yeah, they got to bump you up. You go over five.
9:45🔗
Adam
Yeah. They try to keep you under five. I'm going to see if I can do that with you tonight.
9:49🔗
Bruce.
9:54🔗
Adam
You get 70 bucks, you go up, you're at four, no more now. All right, buddy. Now, Bruce is a dear, dear friend. Let me say this about Bruce. Twice the doctor Dr. Drew is. I know, I know people are horrified and disappointed when they come in and see Bruce in here, sitting in where Dr. Drew normally sits. But a static, by the way, he's an addict. He should be because he's an addiction medicine specialist. He's a tattoo removal specialist. You guys can talk during the commercial.
10:21🔗
Nice.
10:23🔗
Adam
He can do anything with a laser. And you're beautiful. You're born beautiful. You have no worries. But some of the ladies that weren't touched by the hand of God, like yourself, do need to use Bruce's service with a laser. Also what else? Emergency medicine and internal medicine. And internal medicine.
10:42🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
I am board certified. But I could never watch ER because I'd start to watch it and I'd start getting nervous and want to do things.
10:47🔗
And would you look at it and go, they're not doing it right?
10:50🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
You know, that's probably the best show in terms of whoever the consultant is for, that's really good.
10:56🔗
And a lot in the writers or physicians as well.
10:58🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Yeah, well they are, I didn't know that, but I knew they had some consultants.
11:04🔗
If this is true, you're going to go to jail, buddy.
11:08🔗
Adam
Bruce sounding like he was high on ether. I don't know when you were on, Drew, I mean Bruce, but you sounded a little drunk there. Let's hear that again Anderson, I think he may have been drunk.
11:19🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
If this is true, you're going to go to jail, buddy. Yeah, it's a little slurring of the speech. I'm not sure what that's all about.
11:26🔗
Adam
All right. You may have just got into your own medicine cabinet. So all right, what are we going to talk about? ER, 10 o'clock, NBC Thursday nights of course, and Bruce gives it a thumbs up.
11:38🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
It comes true, you're going to go to jail, buddy. Anderson is getting paid for doing that.
11:51🔗
Yes.
11:51🔗
Adam
And you started off as a, did you always want to act or model or what did you want to do?
11:57🔗
My father was a musician, so I fell in love with the arts. I was dancing and painting and I knew I wanted to do something like that, but it wasn't until high school in theater. I was a big movie goer, a big movie fan, and it wasn't until high school in the theater that it just sort of caught on. And then at 14, I knew I needed to get out.
12:23🔗
Out of Reno.
12:27🔗
Yeah, we had a great theater teacher.
12:31🔗
Yeah.
12:37🔗
No it is, it's very nice. It's actually a very beautiful town, beautiful mountains right at the foot of Lake Tahoe.
12:44🔗
Skiing's beautiful.
12:46🔗
I just had bigger things I needed to do.
12:53🔗
Get on that boat, you just jump in.
12:54🔗
Have you heard the rumors that there are like these mystery canals that connect to the San Francisco Bay?
13:01🔗
People go missing?
13:02🔗
People go missing in like Tahoe and show up in the San Francisco Bay. Those are the rumors in town.
13:11🔗
Divers go missing in like Tahoe.
13:13🔗
Adam
That whole spelunking thing when you're breathing air is a bad enough idea. Underwater, you couldn't think of anything worse. Just, hey, how are we getting out of the cave? I thought you knew how we're getting out of the cave. That's fantastic. Fantastic. It's dark. I can't see my flashlights out of batteries. I got eight seconds of oxygen left. Just enough time to take my knife out and scroll my wife's name into the side of some coral. Fantastic. Hey, this is a good time, though.
13:40🔗
Oh, yeah.
13:44🔗
Oh, yeah.
13:45🔗
That's nice.
13:45🔗
Adam
I don't think he loved it at the time he's running out of oxygen, though. I'm guessing that wasn't his favorite thing.
13:54🔗
Adam
Yeah. Yeah, let's go underwater cave exploring. Drew? I mean, Bruce, I keep calling you Drew. Thanks. Well, it's possible.
14:09🔗
Where's Dr. Drew?
14:17🔗
Then you get paid more.
14:19🔗
Hello?
14:34🔗
Adam
We should just pack it in. Let me tell you what I've learned. I'm trying to learn in life. I've learned that you get a pretty, it's like everything's just pretty much like a first date. You get a pretty good idea where things are heading first 15, 20 minutes. It's like a movie. Right. You go and you sit down, you get about 10, 15 minutes into it and you go, this is a dud. Yeah. That's we should all just pick up and leave at that point. That's right. All right.
15:03🔗
Clearly.
15:06🔗
I think I scared her off.
15:27🔗
I'm so happy to talk to you guys.
15:28🔗
I'm so nervous.
15:31🔗
Okay. I'll try to make this as quick as possible. My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about ten months. We have sex probably anywhere between five to seven days a week. We do a lot of different things. We experiment with a lot of different things. But sometimes there will be a week out of the month where he says he can't feel it. It's not like he can't feel how tight I am or how warm I am. He doesn't get any pleasure from it. So then he goes limp.
16:12🔗
He's 21.
16:17🔗
No. I don't know. Neither one of us. Well, he drinks a little bit, but not.
16:23🔗
Adam
Well, look, there's no amount of booze that can cause that problem for a 20-year-old guy.
16:29🔗
It depends on how much he's not feeling. Because I know once a month with women's cycles, that if you're ovulating, you'll get wetter or looser, and so maybe that might be changing his feeling.
16:49🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Hormones are going to affect the mucosa, probably something with muscle tension.
17:00🔗
It's not only that he can't feel it. This is holographic, and I don't know if this is valid or not.
17:08🔗
His balls don't hang how they normally hang. They're more up close to his body.
17:15🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
We could do a study. I'm not familiar with the previous study on this. Now, what about pain? Have you inflicted any pain on his?
17:20🔗
No.
17:22🔗
I don't know.
17:23🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
If he can't feel pleasure, does he feel pain? Is there any diminution?
17:32🔗
I don't think that will be one.
17:34🔗
Adam
Okay. All right. Well, hold on. Let's talk amongst ourselves for a second. There is this thing if you lose erection or anything starts going wrong in anything, not just sexually, where you almost lose sensation of things. It's a numbing feeling. I don't know if it's nerves. I don't know how it works. I'm not sure what goes on physiologically. But there is a numbing sensation that people have when they're nervous or there's anxiety. But he's been with her for a long time.
18:04🔗
Adam
And so I don't know if that's a factor. I mean, you usually think either the guy has a physical problem or he's anxious, or there's some sort of substance involved.
18:13🔗
And it's happening once a month, I think she said, so it's like it's a cycle to it.
18:21🔗
I'm saying it could be him. It could be him with the cycle.
18:24🔗
It could be something going on with him.
18:27🔗
Yeah.
18:33🔗
He gets he gets really frustrated about it, but he still wants to get me off.
18:42🔗
Good boy.
18:44🔗
More finger than oral.
18:46🔗
Adam
I see. See, chivalry is not dead. A lot of guys, a lot of people say today's today's man loses his boner and he packs it in, but not Sir Walter Raleigh. He throws a digit at her. I'll tell you, he's old school.
19:02🔗
Adam
I see him as like wearing a cape and a top hat, maybe throwing his jacket down in a puddle when she's getting into the chariot.
19:09🔗
It's interesting you're getting those images. We may need to talk about that.
19:15🔗
Adam
All right, so it just sounds like I don't know that there is a problem here. There's just something that occurs on occasion.
19:24🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
There's a real mind-body connection with sex, and that's obviously what happens when somebody loses an erection from anxiety over performance. Now, in that case that Christy's boyfriend has, maybe he's got a real strong mind-body connection and as he starts to get anxious, he loses sensation along with his growth.
19:42🔗
Adam
I just wonder about this guy's emotional construct. He has a little tantrum when he loses his boner. What's up with him? What's he into?
19:50🔗
He does get a little angry about it.
19:55🔗
Music, school.
19:58🔗
What kind of music?
20:00🔗
He's a little rocker. He plays the drums and the guitar and the piano.
20:05🔗
Adam
Is he a sensitive guy? Is he like a mama's boy? Do his parents pay too much attention to him?
20:11🔗
No, I wouldn't. No.
20:18🔗
He used to do soccer in high school.
20:21🔗
That's not a sport.
20:23🔗
Adam
That doesn't count. All right. I've labeled this a problem that you guys probably can't fix, but it doesn't matter.
20:30🔗
Adam
It's like a car that overheats every 200 miles. You pull over, you let it cool off, you keep driving.
20:35🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
It sounds like it might be anxiety-related. If he's losing his erection, he may have the perception of decreased sensitivity that accompanies that.
20:46🔗
Yeah.
20:53🔗
Caller
Hi. About a week ago, my boyfriend and I had sex and I started my period during that time, or what I thought was my period. Then about two days later, I stopped.
21:18🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
So this is an interesting, this is inside. This is an interesting answer to the question.
21:33🔗
Hi.
21:35🔗
Caller
I have both my nipples pierced and I was wondering if there's any side effects or I have to worry about getting a better chance of cancer.
21:58🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Have I had my five words already? Is that the reason you're interrupting me every time I try to talk?
22:07🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
You know, by asking him questions when he deviates, you're encouraging.
22:16🔗
Adam
What's wrong with you with these nipples you've got pierced? Nobody likes that. Who are you angry at? What's going on?
22:24🔗
Adam
No, they don't. They like what it says, but they don't like it. It just says you're open for business. They don't physically like the way it looks. It's just like, all right, she's a goer.
22:36🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
She's good. Ria, I don't agree with Adam, but he really doesn't care if I disagree with him.
22:40🔗
Adam
Okay. Let's put it this way. If you met, you're going to have to use your imagination here, Bruce. If you met a girl at a bar, just stay with me.
22:49🔗
Adam
I'm trying. You took her home and you guys were getting a little something going on on the sofa and all of a sudden the shirt came off and you saw the pierced nipples. You know you're in for a good night. You know what I mean? You're going to keep going. She's not going to stop at second pace. You see, Mädchen, back me up here. Okay. You're going to see those pierced nipples and you know you're going to keep rolling, the night's going to keep rolling on.
23:19🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
All right. I might get anxious that she's a little freaky and then get...
23:28🔗
Adam
Or more likely scenario, the premature ejaculation. But the point is, to me, I think women say like, oh yeah, guys dig the pierced nipples. I don't really think guys dig them in a vacuum, but they dig what they stand for, which is good to go. Right.
23:43🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
But I think the question is why did the women get them? Is it representing some sort of a wild streak or past abuse? I mean, you know there are various reasons that people pierce themselves. It's a fashion statement in some cases today.
23:55🔗
Adam
It's a combo. It's stepdad kicked me around a little, now I'm taking control of my body. Yeah. That's one. Number two, I'm a little bit angry. C or three, kiss my ass to the man. And then four, I'm wild, I'm open for business.
24:08🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Well, some of this starts going on. The guy that seems to be a little wild, and they want to let him know they're a little wild. I think some women get them for extraneous reasons. Yeah, no, sometimes.
24:21🔗
Yeah.
24:41🔗
Adam
Good. And do you, did you have a guy that boyfriend that got you to pierce your nipples?
24:46🔗
Caller
No, not at all. I was just with another friend and I just thought it would be a crazy thing to do. I'm not like a slut, but.
24:58🔗
Adam
Well, they should have clamp ons for nipples, for people that just do it in a sort of whim type way. They have stuff like that.
25:14🔗
If I take them out.
25:15🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
No, that's generally. Yes, you're able to breastfeed. The biggest risk is probably right after you get them, the risk of infection. But it's, you know, if you go to a qualified piercer, you have a very low risk of infections and problems. It's going to somebody that's learning the trade in the garage, doing some early pre-treatment.
25:35🔗
Adam
You don't want to go to nipple-piercing college, like I used to go to get my hair cut over at the hair cutting college.
25:42🔗
Adam
You don't want a monkey with that. I wonder how many nipple piercings a year there are in this country. What do you think? Mädchen, you got a number?
25:57🔗
Adam
No. Now, is it 25 percent? Is it this number? I know you said what you said, but could it be that if I had three tattoos, it counts as three? Either they tally them up or it's just 25 percent of the populace of this country has a tat?
26:19🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Well, you know, what's your, Ria's in Minnesota. Yeah. We should ask. I wonder if there's more deviance involved in piercings and tattoos in the Midwest. I doubt it. I think it's just like a fashion statement, a tattoo. I mean, how?
26:59🔗
Oh, no.
27:02🔗
Yeah.
27:03🔗
Adam
It would be funny if you had like Washington from Welcome Back, Carter, you know, black star. Wow.
27:27🔗
Adam
Okay. All right. Just kissing Bruce's ass. All right, baby doll, you save up for that black star.
27:34🔗
Adam
Yeah. Mr. T would be a good one. I mean, you know, kind of a throwback black star. Trying to think of a more current one besides. I guess Oprah.
28:00🔗
Adam
We got to keep moving. I want to talk to Sarah. Sarah's boyfriend disappears for months at a time. Sarah?
28:09🔗
Yeah.
28:20🔗
No.
28:21🔗
She was right, though.
28:30🔗
Caller
Well, I was friends with him for about five years, and we started talking more, and we, you know, feelings came out, you know, told him, you know, and I said to him, and he told me.
28:41🔗
Adam
You're talking about Lou Rawls or you're talking about your boyfriend? Boyfriend? You're talking about your boyfriend?
28:46🔗
Caller
Yeah. Anyway, feelings came out and everything. We started talking and we made plans to go places, then all of a sudden, things started coming up every time, and then we told each other we loved each other, all the good stuff. Then we made more plans and it didn't show up again.
29:11🔗
Caller
Well, supposedly, he's a truck driver, but I'm like, I don't trust him no more. I'm like, he just, I don't know.
29:19🔗
Adam
It's bad when you're bragging about being a truck driver. Go airline pilot if you're trying to just get a little ass, you're going to be blowing in and out of town, driving a rig.
29:32🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's like, he claims he's a truck driver, but I suspect the worst. Yeah, that's bad. That's bad because there's only homeless now. Now you go to Drifter, you go truck driver, Drifter, and then Hobo, who rides the rails. Is there anything below truck driver beside engineer? Sorry, buddy. Sorry, Chris. Sarah? Yeah. All right. So he claims to be a truck. What did you do? Meet him? Well, I said you met him. He's a friend. What?
30:02🔗
Caller
I worked with him. And then, I don't know, we're just friends for a while, just, you know, distant friends and we just got closer after a while. And then, well, anyway, we just, I wouldn't like, we were like, he was really, damn it. I can't get words out.
30:30🔗
Adam
But, but you guys were packing, right? I mean, doing a lot of rappelling, a lot of special ops stuff.
30:37🔗
Adam
He was a demolition man that called her the face girl. She would infiltrate. Yeah, threw knives too.
30:43🔗
New sitcom for you.
30:50🔗
Caller
Well, no, we, we got intimate like, oh God, only like, only like three times. And then he like disappeared on me. And then he was like, well, I needed, you know, people started saying things about him. He's doing this, he's doing that. And I would get pissed and I'll tell him, because I'm not going to just sit there and just think about it.
31:08🔗
Adam
All right, right. Sarah, this is not your boyfriend. This is just a joker guy who's, you know, looking to have a little fun and some kicks and to have a little sex.
31:18🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
He's not your boyfriend. Yeah, you know, truck driver, unfortunately, probably has a few other gals on the line like you in different cities. Yeah. A couple of truck drivers I knew.
31:29🔗
Adam
I mean, it's sort of like- He's a, well, what you call a rambling man. Yeah. Yeah. He's got to ramble.
31:39🔗
Caller
Well, yeah, no. He supposedly disappeared for like four months on me. And he told me he needed time to think. And I'm like, yeah.
31:51🔗
Adam
Hey, I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm guessing Sarah went and did her finishing school in Geneva. Do you guys, do you have any thoughts about where Sarah finished school?
32:02🔗
Adam
You think she did her finishing school in Florida? No. I got to believe it was abroad. You just don't get that kind of-
32:13🔗
Adam
All right, buddy. All right. I got to yell Sarah. Sarah. Yeah. You sound like a delicate little flower who's had one of her petals pulled off. I'm sure you are. This guy's not a good guy. Thank God he didn't get you pregnant. Do you have any kids? No. Wow. You sound like you should have some kids by now. That's a good thing. How about you just lay low a little, forget about this guy, not your boyfriend, find a guy who's going to be around and everybody forget about what guys say or forget about what you want, guys or girls, whatever the relationship. Mädchen, back me up here.
32:49🔗
Adam
It is the deeds and the acts that will decide what kind of relationship you have, not the words.
32:57🔗
Adam
And there's like, you know, you've all gotten a thing where it's like you're, well, you've never done it, Mädchen, but someone's telling you why they can't go out with you for the fourth time. And it sounds like a really great reason, but you just sort of figure out if they're not going out, they're not going out. If they're, if they're into you, they're there. When you're into somebody, you're there. Am I right?
33:18🔗
Adam
You're 100% there. I don't care if there's a funeral, I don't care if there's a wedding, you get, boom, you go straight from the airport to their house. Right. You're there. When you're into it, you're there. It's like anything you're into. If you're into a band, you're there. If you're into a movie, you're there. If you're into a person, you're there. And if it just keeps going on where you haven't seen it, and you're not going in, you're not coming over, and it never works out, they're not into you. That's the way it works.
33:39🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
This is like leaving the movie early, right? You know from the beginning, it's not going to be good.
33:44🔗
Adam
Out. Right. All right. We'll take a little break. We'll be right back after this. Hello.
33:51🔗
This is Loveline.
33:52🔗
1-800-LOVE-191. Loveline will be right back.
34:22🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Bruce. Filling in for Dr. Drew. Mädchen Amick is here tonight. She is from ER. Thursday night, it's 10 o'clock NBC. And also in Jake in Progress on ABC. Wait, when is that aired? Is that aired yet?
34:51🔗
Adam
Stamos. I miss, you know, I'll tell you something. He's a good guy. Sorry about him and Rebecca Romaine. But she's nice too. They just like to party a little too much. I think they're like swingers or something. They're pretty out there couple. But I wonder if you get people, if you get two people, you know what makes the best married couples is two people who don't like having fun anymore. You know, just like, I'm going to hang in and we're going to write a movie. Let's relax a little bit. Maybe raise some kids. I'll do some shopping. You work. You change your oil on the car. Get two people that are still really interested in having fun. They're not. It's not a good marriage.
35:33🔗
Adam
That's what everyone thinks. But it never seems to work out that way because so much of fun, especially celebrity dude fun, involves stuff that your wife would get pissed off about.
35:44🔗
Adam
And I bet a fair amount of celebrity chick fun involves stuff that, and I'm not talking about sleeping with male strippers or anything, but I'm just talking about the kind of stuff that your husband really wouldn't want to sit around and watch kind of thing. If you're young, you're good looking, you have money.
36:06🔗
Adam
Anderson, put that on a cart because that was profound. That was awesome. You should write like a fortune cookies.
36:24🔗
Adam
No. But you have guys throwing themselves. Well, here's the whole thing. You're a beautiful woman. That's its own form of celebrity. So you don't really need celebrity. I mean, as a matter of fact, it's sort of like, it's an interesting thing, which is Rebecca Romaine is a celebrity because she's a celebrity and she's a celebrity because she's a beautiful woman and either way has about the same draw on guys. It's marginally more, I would say, because of the fact that she's in movies, but not that much more. Whereas for Jack Black, it's a big plus. You see what I'm saying?
37:07🔗
Adam
Well yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think. I don't know what your status is. What is your status?
37:35🔗
Yeah.
37:38🔗
Yeah.
37:50🔗
Adam
No, but I knew when you jumped, when I said Lou Rawls, your eyes lit up. Sorry about that. Yeah, that's awesome. Hey, man. Listen, I'm open-minded. Actually, I think that's great too. He's an older man. He's of color. I think it's awesome what you guys are doing. I just want you to know, there's no judgment going on here. Plus all the money raises for Budweiser or whatever. It's awesome. That's a Hollywood power couple right there. The children are going to be, well, it could really go a lot of different directions. But they could definitely talent it. The point is, is a beautiful woman, your stock is probably not helped all that much by being on TV. It could actually complicate things a little bit. Whereas if you're a beautiful woman and you worked as a greeter, server, whatever at an upscale restaurant, it'd probably just be easier than if you had your own TV series.
38:52🔗
Caller
I agree, and then you can have the guys that are average Joes that have women throwing themselves at them constantly, just because they're a celebrity.
39:03🔗
Adam
Yeah, and for women, by the way, I think for women seeing a guy on TV, it's much more alluring than for a man seeing a woman on TV.
39:11🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
What if I meet the woman, I don't know if she's a celebrity, I don't watch TV.
39:15🔗
Adam
They always say that, by the way. I didn't know what he did. I always liked that one. The chicks always do that when they're going out with the athletes. Oh, well, that's. So it's Karl Malone's wife. He's, his nickname is the mailman. So he's been a mailman and she thought he was a mailman. So she always says that thing where she's like, I saw him at the mall. I thought he was a mailman. He was signing autographs for several thousand people. Yeah. He's the world's greatest mailman. Like whether you knew what he did or not, you know he's a 12 feet tall. He's got a diamond encrusted semi-truck he drove in and he's signing autographs for half of you. He's got a huge posse around him. He's signing autographs at the mall. Just a mail carrier? Man, this guy must sort mail like nobody's business. And boy, talk about a state, Utah, where they take their mail seriously. These guys are at malls signing autographs. I mean, we've never had that in California. I mean, your mailman does a decent job, but he's not, you know.
40:15🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
But look at your celebrity. When you go somewhere with Adam, people stop him. Photographs, pictures.
40:48🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, not much. Colin here from the Midwest, where it's about 110 degrees below zero.
41:10🔗
Dr. Bruce
Okay. I thought, wait a minute, this can't be true. I had to call. By the way, hi Adam and hi Dr. Bruce.
41:26🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, I guess Adam, I have a question for you. Are you Zephyrred up right now or is she there in person?
41:35🔗
Dr. Bruce
So she's probably sweatshirt and jeans and stuff, but is this woman making you melt at the knees like she normally does to people when they watch her on screen?
41:54🔗
Adam
But she's been married for 18 years. Well, I met him when she was five. She's pregnant at seven. It's very traditional.
42:02🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, I knew that. I saw Mädchen Amick and what was it, Dream Lover with James Spader?
42:14🔗
Dr. Bruce
It almost seemed like it was based off of a play. It was like a two-person movie, really, right?
42:21🔗
Caller
Yeah. Yeah, it was James Spader and my character. And it was written by Nick Kazan, who is Elia Kazan's son.
42:36🔗
Dr. Bruce
Do you know who that is? It was written. It was a really cool movie. Basically, if you're like James Spader or if you like Mädchen, it's, and if it's out there, it's, you know, get it.
43:02🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, I have other Loveline calls, maybe for later dates. I don't want to waste your time. All right. You know, my light, my...
43:13🔗
Dr. Bruce
Well, I'm a musician and an advertising writer. So, take your pick. I used to be a professional musician.
43:30🔗
Adam
Yeah. I tell you, Mädchen has a soft spot in her heart for musician, composer, songwriter. She's married to Lou Rawls. I don't know if you've known about that.
43:47🔗
Adam
Put down the mic and pick those sticks up again. You gotta get behind the kit, not up front.
43:57🔗
Dr. Bruce
I'm looking at the drumsticks now. I just got in for the recording studio, as a matter of fact, because it was just my own project, Dan. But then I became an advertising writer. Then I got laid off. Then I woke up one day and my wife was gone. She was gone off to Maryland.
44:15🔗
Dr. Bruce
The reason I'm calling actually is to ask Mädchen a question about, because kind of, and don't take this in the wrong way, but it's the right way. You kind of dropped off the radar for a while and then suddenly, you're big time on the radar with ER and I call it ER. So you've got ER and you've got Jake. So.
44:44🔗
Caller
It is. It just did continue to do independent movies like Dream Lover and some surface and do well and some don't.
44:55🔗
Adam
Well, also, I think people, people don't watch everything all the time. So they don't currently see. So it's not the radar, it's their radar.
45:10🔗
Adam
Well, I got to do this. I'm trying to make myself feel better too. But they do that thing where it's like, hey, what happened? Where are you? Because you're not on that show. I used to watch on the channel. I always watch and it's like, well, I'm not on that channel. I'm on another channel. They're like, oh, well, what's that channel? So oftentimes, and if you're on the cover of Life every week, they'll see you, but I just mean oftentimes people move around, people don't follow you and they just assume you got hit by a train or something.
45:36🔗
Adam
Let me tell you something about Mädchen though. She always lands on her feet. She's got a lot of fight in her, this lady. She's very proud.
46:19🔗
No.
46:21🔗
Adam
No. Don't give me hints. What do you mean? I don't need your charity. Obviously, I have a gift.
46:31🔗
Adam
All right. Quiet down. Shut Bruce's mic off, would you? Hit him with Orion's belt, would you please? Let's see. Capricorn. Pisces. Thank you. Yes.
46:48🔗
Adam
No, I'm telling you, it might even be that one. Let's see. Gemini, Pisces, Libra, Capricorn, Aquarius. No, sir. Yes. Yes. Yes, Aquarius.
47:04🔗
Adam
I run out. Let me tell you something. I have done this. I used to do it on the man show all the time. I've done this bit hundreds of times. I'm uncanny on not being able to get someone's sign and not being able to get someone's sign is just as hard, if not harder than actually getting their sign. I argue I have more talent.
47:24🔗
Adam
It's not even the last. I run out. I know 11 and they're the 12th that I never even guess.
47:38🔗
Adam
Aren't there like turtles humping? I know. Is there twins? It's Gemini. I'm out of them. I'm out. What are you?
47:57🔗
Adam
Yeah. Give me a hint. But don't give me any of that. Like I'm feisty, but I have moments of reflection.
48:23🔗
Adam
Damn it. I don't know what all that stuff is. I already mixed up. You know what I was thinking about? We gotta take a break. What is it?
48:40🔗
Adam
When you have a feeling, you have a feeling. I don't wanna call it a gift, but I'm gonna go ahead and call it a gift. Yeah, Sagittarius. That's what I'm talking about. Only 14 guesses, too. I was thinking, we'll talk about it when we come back. I was giving some thought to a Pegasus and the flying horse. I was thinking about, you never see one crap, but that would be a disaster. Why?
49:06🔗
Adam
I'll tell you why. Because a pigeon craps on your car and it ruins a windshield. Imagine a horse. I mean, a pigeon weighs like 11 ounces. A horse like 1,300 pounds.
49:22🔗
Adam
It would be one, but it would kill you. If there was a Pegasus that was flying at like 9,000 feet, and it just took a big crap, it would go right through your car roof and crush you.
49:33🔗
Adam
It would go through your neighbor's roof. You'd be getting into arguments. What? Your Pegasus crap? That wasn't my Pegasus. Yes, it was. I think I know my Pegasus crap. There would be no fence could contain them because they're Pegasus.
49:49🔗
Adam
They'd fly everywhere and they'd be crapping. You see horses in a parade and that's nonstop crap.
49:55🔗
Caller
That's why they're quarantined to the Enchanted Forest. They can't fly over cities because that would be a problem.
50:03🔗
Adam
Yeah, it should be like that French plane that breaks a speed barrier. I'll get that in a second. But the point is, is that Sonic Boom can't fly into LAX.
50:21🔗
Adam
It did. Yeah, it did. It doesn't fly anywhere. But you can't come up to Concord, by the way, Bruce? No. No. Okay. Take a break. Now, I can't. Sonic Boom. Too loud. Noise problem.
50:37🔗
Adam
Sonic Boom, am I right? See, I would argue if I was, if I was like Air France, I go, uh-huh, well, what about the Pegasus?
50:51🔗
1-800-LOVE-191.
50:54🔗
Adam
Loveline will be right back. Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Bruce, that's Mädchen Amick in here tonight.
51:27🔗
Hello.
51:28🔗
Adam
She is on ER as well as Jake in Progress, which I'm gonna watch, because I'm a big Stamos fan. All right, let's even take a call and squeeze some in.
51:40🔗
What is Dr. Drew?
51:58🔗
Caller
Yeah. I want to know if that's normal or like, he cries after he comes and after he like to ejaculate.
52:09🔗
Caller
And I want to know if that's normal. He was the first guy I slept with and it's been happening for six months.
52:24🔗
Adam
Yeah. This guy's losing a lot of fluid, a lot of tears, a lot of semen. Twice a day, this guy's bawling his eyes out and that semen drain from his body.
52:32🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Some people have emotional outbursts attached to the orgasm and post-orgasm. So I wouldn't say it's abnormal, I'd say it's unusual.
52:42🔗
Caller
Well, I keep on asking him and he says it's none of my business. I'm like, well, hello, Michael, here's-
52:47🔗
Adam
No, he doesn't say it's none of your business. That's what you hear. He doesn't say it's none of your business. Look, listen, goofball, either this is bogus or you're just hearing something that he's not saying. He's not saying it's none of your business. What does he say?
53:10🔗
Adam
No, seriously, I, you know, this is a deal breaker. Obviously, the guy has issues. And if you say to your partner, why are you crying when they cry twice a day when they're on top of you? And you say, what's the deal? And they go, it's none of your business. Dump them.
53:36🔗
Adam
Okay, well, why don't you get some help for your depression and dump this guy? All right, thanks, sweetie. Sound like a delight. We got to take a break. I ran too long on all my other segments. We'll be right back after this.
53:49🔗
Caller
Looking to hook up? Call the Dateline. Sick of wasting time with the wrong person? Call the Dateline.
54:37🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Bruce filling in for Dr. Drew. Mädchen Amick is here tonight. She's from ER, Thursday Nights, NBC, 10 o'clock, and also Jake in Progress. Plays one of Jake's lady friends. First couple episodes, so you can enjoy her on that, and right back to the Thursday Nights at ER. What year are we in with ER? 11?
55:11🔗
Adam
I'm trying to think. That is an amazing run. How many episodes is that boiled down to? Do you know? You have any idea?
55:24🔗
Yeah.
55:28🔗
Yeah.
55:28🔗
Adam
They can syndicate now. Let's talk to John who is 23. He is going to go to Germany or Florida with us.
55:36🔗
How is it going?
55:38🔗
Caller
All right. Seven-year-old girl starved to death by her parents, ate her own hair in a bid to stay alive. The girl also ate pieces of the carpet in the darkened bedroom where she was kept prisoner. She weighed just 21 pounds when she died. The family's well-fed cat weighed 10 pounds. Doctors found that she had cut off some of her hair and eaten it. Hair had caught inside her intestines causing her to vomit and choke, which was the final cause of death. The girl's mother and stepfather found her dead in her bed. Police say the couple lived on Social Security and spent their money on alcohol and cigarettes.
56:17🔗
Adam
Feels like Florida to me. I mean, the hair eating and the locked in the room, has a little bit of a German vibe to it.
56:27🔗
Adam
Yeah, the alcohol and cigarettes and I think the welfare part too, although he could have done a clever translation.
56:33🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Well, European houses, the carpets are not edible and the floors are mostly wet.
56:39🔗
Adam
Bruce is right. They use a different kind of fiber. They use that Dacron 5 over there, whereas we use the Dacron 3 and the Dacron 7.
56:53🔗
Adam
.a wife locks me in the room, I can just go ahead and eat. Even the TV sets hemp. I actually eat my plasma, which isn't a stretch considering I've made love to my TV. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Yes, I have. Yes, I have.
57:06🔗
I believe you.
57:10🔗
I cry.
57:28🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
I'm two for two. You're over to the two shows I've done before. It's probably my last show.
57:32🔗
The way you're dealing with people.
58:04🔗
Adam
Listen, I got your son. I just had to get through. You know what? It's like this. Here's what it is. It's like a pomegranate. I'm not going to eat the skin. I had to bust it open and flick out a little pulp, and then I get to the sweet, juicy berry that is your son. All right. That's all. It's a pomegranate.
58:28🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
So I got the last two times right and you got them wrong. But Social Security, that was a trick through that.
58:51🔗
Adam
You can't write an article and say they're on Munchendeutschen. You're like, what's that mean?
59:14🔗
Yeah.
59:24🔗
Adam
No, that's just, that's just, well, it's actually Mädchen, but also that's the people on TV.
59:30🔗
Caller
Well, I feel like, like people, they say I'm pretty skinny, but I feel like I have a really big stomach and I'm really so conscious about it.
59:41🔗
Caller
It's like it sticks out further than like my chest. It's bigger than my hips. My waist is big.
59:57🔗
Adam
Do the math. I got to do a little radio math. 5'9, 1'50. Hold on a second. What's, I was talking to Drew about this, I said one times four is what? Four. And then one times seven is four or is that seven? Seven. Okay. So see one times something is just that something. You know what I'm saying? One times one is like one, and then one times five, it's not one, still five. Yeah. Then one times, but it keeps going like one times 122, still 122. Yeah. Okay. Profound. So she said 150 and she said 59, right?
1:00:41🔗
Adam
Three and four. Okay. I got five, seven, and 33.64. Just a little bit. And what weight? Over half an inch. And I got 163. I got 163. 163, 163. All right, Jennifer. So according to my radio calculations, you could probably stand to lose a couple of pounds. And if you did that, then maybe the stomach would go with it.
1:01:24🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
You're maybe 10 pounds over ideal body weight, so you're not obese. OK.
1:01:29🔗
Caller
Actually, you know, a little bit of stomach is in right now with, you know, these voluptuous figures with Beyoncé.
1:01:56🔗
Mm-hmm.
1:02:06🔗
Mm-hmm.
1:02:12🔗
Adam
And please, please, people, can we stop calling it community college and call it what it's, what it really is, junior college, junior college.
1:03:06🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
In talking with a therapist, have you had any body image issues where they felt that you had an unrealistic view of what you looked like or some people feel like they're overweight or they have certain parts of their body that are inappropriately large or small and quite-
1:03:28🔗
Adam
All right. Listen, Jennifer, I'm going to give you my keys to happiness, all right? Yeah. Everyone's depressed and people can't afford the shrink and they don't want to go to the shrink and it's stigma surrounding it and everything. Here's what everyone's got to do. First off, when you're depressed, you don't want to move. You really, it zaps you of any energy. It just robs you. You're like a battery that's almost ready for the garbage can. You just are. You have to kick yourself to get yourself to move, but you have to do it. Even if it's painful. You got a first thing you have to do, you have to exercise. It's like physically move. You have to go for a jog every day, or you have to go to the park and do some chin ups or something like that. You have to physically move because part of the depression, it just robs you of any movement.
1:04:24🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
The problem with that is true endogenous depression when it is-
1:04:28🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Then as it gets more severe, you actually get to the point where you cannot physically get yourself up out of bed. I mean, I've seen that kind of clinical depression.
1:04:42🔗
Adam
Yeah, but I'm talking about the 90% of people that are calling this show, not the 10% that are clinically severely depressed as defined by a medical textbook. There's a lot of people that are hovering in a place where they could go either way. They start drinking a few extra beers and watching an extra couple of hours of TiVo night, they will slide in the wrong direction. Certain amount of this stuff is chemical, certain amount of it is clinical, and there's nothing-
1:05:14🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
You're going in the right direction, but along with the exercise, especially for her to continue with therapy, to work with a therapist and a psychiatrist, and what happens too many times, you start a patient on a certain antidepressant recombination, and if it doesn't work right away or they give it a few weeks, then didn't work, they quit, they quit going to therapy. It's the type of thing, exercise is a crucial part of-
1:05:36🔗
Adam
No, it's not that big a deal. I'm not really even talking to her. I'm talking to all the jackasses that call this show. She's on two forms of meds. She's probably a little further gone than a lot of the people that listen to this show. You need to throw yourself on the mercy of your doctor and of your psychiatrist or psychologist or whatever. I'm not going to tell you not to do that. But I'm going to tell you there's a lot of people that are depressed and may not even know it. They don't even have a diagnosis. I'm saying you people have to get up in the morning, you have to do something. You have to find something that you want to do. You have to find something that flips your cookie a little bit. And it'll be in surprising places. I say you got to put some headphones on, listen to some classical music and take some long walks on a trail or in a park or something. 50-50 chance you'll get right. But if that doesn't happen, it's going to help the depression. You also need to start doing other things. Go volunteer somewhere. Go get a Catholic big brother or Jewish little sister or whatever the hell you got to do. Actually doing stuff for other people sort of pulls you out of it a little. And then find something you're into. Find a sport, find an activity, find people that share that activity. You got to sort of kick yourself and almost force yourself to live. Quiet, Bruce. I don't want to hear anything about that the people are clinically depressed and need to be on meds. Thank you.
1:06:55🔗
If this is true, you're going to go to jail, buddy.
1:07:05🔗
Adam
Yeah, let me tell you something about that Dr. Drew. You think Bruce is a piece of work. I had Drew in here last night. Drew makes an appearance every once in a while. It's awesome. He comes in, flashes his big pearly whites, it's a little cameo. He had to leave at 11. But it was still great to see him back in the studio. He was, we're talking about his kids. Drew has the triplets. I think they're 12 now. Well, I was jokingly saying, you're going to drug test your kids. He's like, I think that's part of responsible parenting. I'm like, no, you got to drug test your kid if he starts effing up, his grades start slipping, what happened? He urinated on the sofa and punched the nanny. Okay, let's test him for drugs. But you're not just going to start testing your kids for drugs. Just randomly. He's like, oh yeah.
1:08:07🔗
Time to start listening, god damn it.
1:08:10🔗
Adam
He was deadly serious. I said, Drew, you can't just test your kid. His kids are great students.
1:08:19🔗
Adam
That's what I said. I said, by the way, I come in here on one Heineken and your alarm bells are going off over your head. Who's been drinking? Has someone been drinking? I swear to God, poor Ann came in here one night. He's like, what's going on? Who's drinking? Someone's drinking? Ann's like, I had a glass of Chardonnay with dinner. Aha, it's like that was three hours ago. Yeah, you can smell it. Yeah, I was like, Drew, you don't need to test your kids for drugs. You're going to know the day they take the drug. You will know that afternoon. If they got high at noon and they come home at 2.30, you're going to be like, who's been smoking pot? You've been smoking pot. This is like living with McGruff, the crime dog. Why test it?
1:09:04🔗
Adam
No. He does feel, though, I tried to talk him out of it. I don't think I did. He feels that he needs to test his kids for drugs randomly, but not a preemptive strike, not going to wait for him to f up. He's getting there first, and he believes in it wholeheartedly.
1:09:24🔗
Adam
He's going nuts, by the way. No, Drew's going insane. I'm going to talk to Drew lately. He's going insane.
1:09:29🔗
Take a little Vicodin tonight, take some codeine, smoke a little heroin.
1:09:34🔗
Adam
Yeah. You see? He does all that, but he doesn't want his kid to smoke a little reefer.
1:09:39🔗
Yeah. He's going to hire a canine or something.
1:09:45🔗
Adam
Yeah. Bruce, what's going on with you? Bruce brought me a hookah pipe. You want to talk about that? No.
1:10:08🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
He's got dollars. If Susan B. Anthony or some sort of dollars in acrylic in the bar underneath. So when guys start drinking and they're drunk, they're going to try and pick up these dollars and just bring.
1:10:18🔗
Adam
I'm not going to allow. It's not going to be open to the public. Oh, I'm sorry. Just close friends. Since you let me in. So Bruce would come by. Bruce comes by, brings a whole sack of stuff because Bruce is a pack rat and he has all these seltzer bottles from the 20s and ashtrays from Vegas and it's great. He brings a whole sack of stuff over to the bar. One of them is a huge hookah pipe. I'm like, where did you get the hookah pipe? It's a confiscated from a family member and then Bruce, Bruce was supposed to be addiction medicine. He's like, what's hookah? What is this hookah? I said it's pot or it's hash.
1:10:54🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
I was testing you, Adam. It's actually more of a form of tobacco.
1:11:11🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
My stepdaughter had it. It just sort of disappeared. Then she goes, where's my hookah pipe? I said it's at Adam. She goes, Adam Corolla is my hookah pipe?
1:11:20🔗
Adam
No, but here's the thing. Maybe if you live in Bangladesh, you use it to suck hookah off of a tobacco. But if you're 16 and you live in the United States, and you have a hookah pipe, you use it to smoke weed out of it.
1:11:37🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
You hear that, Lauren? That's what I was telling her. She's like, no.
1:11:39🔗
Adam
Oh, please. You want to smoke tobacco? I got something called cigarettes. In fact, I'm like 250 years ago. It's awesome.
1:11:48🔗
Adam
Okay. All right. Just as long as you're hip. So the point is, I now have Bruce's stepdaughter's hookah pipe. Anything else you find, syringes?
1:11:58🔗
Adam
Yeah. Those little heroin kits or maybe just a little mirror, a razor blade, straw, whatever she's got. Bring it on over.
1:12:08🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Like the time we put Botox in Adam's forehead to make him stop sweating.
1:12:24🔗
Yeah.
1:12:30🔗
Caller
Nothing. I had a question for Bruce. All right. I'm like a bigger guy. Lately, I've been lifting weights a lot, pumping iron. I've been bulking up and I want to know about tattoos. If I got one right now, later on, will it stretch out and get deformed?
1:12:54🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Yeah, me too. I wouldn't admit. You know what? You have enough stretch in your skin and the density of the ink. If it's a professionally done tattoo, you're not going to have a lot of deformity of the tattoo. But of course, if you're doing steroids and really bulking up, then yes, it will start to look a little bit.
1:13:17🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
No, I mean, he's talking about a biceps tattoo, I would assume.
1:13:21🔗
Full back.
1:13:24🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Okay. Well, anywhere you have, you have muscle everywhere and if you start bulking up in your back, but you'd really have to bulk up.
1:13:30🔗
Adam
What are you going to get? Are you going to get the traditional accordion? If you get the accordion, you're covered.
1:13:40🔗
Caller
I was thinking along the lines of like, I'm not really sure, you know, maybe Dragon.
1:13:51🔗
Adam
That seems ambitious for 17. Why don't you start off with it? Doesn't anyone get mother anymore?
1:13:56🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
I had a guy that had the word tattoo, tattooed on when he was drunk.
1:14:28🔗
Adam
All right. Here's what I would say. You're 17. Yeah. All right. Let me give everyone a quick talking to. Chris, you're listening?
1:14:39🔗
Adam
I know you're 29, but I have you sort of an honorary 17. I'm 32 now. A 32. I have you as an honorary 17-year-old, so you're included in all these speeches. Lives at home, goes to junior college. No, I'm not saying that.
1:14:53🔗
Adam
Community college. I'm not being pejorative here. I'm just saying he's young at heart. That's all I'm saying.
1:14:59🔗
Adam
Yeah. Here's what I'm saying. There's a lot of ideas you have when you're 17, especially as a guy, but it is a girl, too, that thank God aren't permanent. You know what I'm saying? If you could sign a deal with the devil, you would date somebody at 17 and you'd still be with them today, and that would probably be a mistake. You would drive the same car. Imagine if you could pick out the car you wanted to drive at 17. You would have it your whole life, and you would immediately, someone would say, all right, I will give you this car, but you'll have to drive it for the rest of your natural life. Where do I sign? I'd be driving a half track. God knows what kind of crappy Pontiac Fire Arrow or something you'd be driving. You know what I'm saying?
1:15:47🔗
Adam
Oh, yes. Yes. But it would have to be a little bit nicer for you to do the where do I sign thing. But the point is, you would do it with your hair, you would do it with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you would do it with your car, you would do it with a job. So if you could get this job, you would be on a soap opera for the rest of your life. You would be like, oh my god, I have to drive the citation and have the two-stage bullet and work on a day's work. Where do I sign? Where do I sign? Thank god you can't sign anything because you grow up, you get a little more mature, you get a little education, you go, what was I thinking? You go back and look at a yearbook. What was I thinking?
1:16:26🔗
Adam
That's the thing about tats. They're very permanent. If you make your move at 17, it could be just like that other thing you thought was cool at 17, that turns out not to be so cool. So my advice with any permanent stuff is just sit on it for a few more years and then make your move once your brain is dried.
1:17:02🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Yeah. They can go to drbruce.com of course, and send me an e-mail message. I get lots of interesting e-mails.
1:17:14🔗
You have to have a laser on your faggoty self.
1:17:25🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
The tattoo removal laser is fairly gentle. You don't get bleeding, you don't get a lot of trauma, but it's just breaking up the top layer of ink. Takes a month, two months to absorb those broken up pieces of ink, and then you do it again, and so it's layer by layer by layer.
1:17:46🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Yeah, the nautical stars, a lot of those are coming off, I'll tell you that.
1:17:49🔗
Adam
But what about the black stars? Blue raws would take a lot of layers, yeah. Yeah, that's an expensive removal.
1:17:58🔗
Adam
Where if you went with like Truman Capote or something wouldn't it be a big deal? You get that in three, four sessions, right?
1:18:12🔗
Yeah, buddy.
1:18:20🔗
Adam
Chris went to the plate three or four times this game. He had a couple of strikeouts and then one where he tried to bunt and he did that chip right back to the pitcher where he caught it and he doubled this guy up over at first. You know what that was?
1:18:33🔗
Adam
That was, hold on a second. I'm giving you a compliment. That was a solid, just a laser beam triple that went right down the line and just smacked the wall. It never got more than eight feet off the ground but didn't skip before it hit the wall. Just pow, caromed into the corner. Yeah, that was a good stand up triple right there, buddy. Cool, man. That's a good day for you. No, I have not read the book. As you know, I believe reading poisons the mind. Yes, all right, he's back. All right, let's take a little break, shall we? We shall. All right, we'll be right back after this.
1:19:43🔗
Adam
Yeah, buddy, it's Loveline, I'm Adam, that's Dr. Bruce. Breath of fresh air, Dr. Bruce. Always a good time. Brings his laser in here. Yeah, he's good.
1:19:56🔗
Adam
Yeah, soon. Listen, I did that hair removal on my neck once because I was getting ingrown hairs when I shaved my neck, or the bottom part of my, where my Adam's apple is. And so they did it. I did it with that quack Dr. Marcel, charged me full price by the way. Supposed to be a friend of the show. Jesus Christ.
1:20:24🔗
Adam
Yeah, he's a good guy. But let me tell you something about these plastic surgery guys. They're a little bit creepy. Always a little. They got the tan and the pinky ring. They're kind of doctors, but not. The bling bling. They got a little bling bling.
1:20:40🔗
Adam
Here's a little. It's mostly used car salesman. Yeah, they're dicey guys. Let's face it. If they cared about people, they'd be podiatrists, but they care about money. But Marcel's a good guy. I like him. Yeah, I don't want to go camping with him, but I like him. Although he could have given me a break on the laser. So he gave me the laser. They do the neck laser thing. Because I shave, I get ingrown hairs in my neck. So they go, you just laser your neck, and then the hair never grows back, and then you never get the ingrown hairs. Quiet Bruce, takes like three treatments to do it. Yeah, the hair fell out, hurt like hell. Then it came back, and ironically, when the hairs came back, they got ingrown because they fell out. They were too deep now. It was just a disaster. It all grew back.
1:21:28🔗
Adam
I think I did two. You didn't do it. Then they're like, there's always, yeah, well, here's what it is. Whenever somebody has a treatment that doesn't really do anything, they always leave themselves an ounce like, well, for most people, it's two or three sessions, but you never know. Yeah, the never know part, that's the infinity part.
1:21:47🔗
Adam
For most people, dark haired people, is your mother black? No? Okay. For most Caucasians, most of the time, again, there's no guarantees, everyone's different, everyone's different. They just hide behind that, nothing ever works.
1:22:02🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
You should have finished the five to seven treatments, and the majority of people.
1:22:08🔗
Adam
Yeah. Marcel, full price. I think he charged me extra. If he didn't know me, I would have got a better rate.
1:22:16🔗
Adam
I'm razzin him? You think he did it? Or you think it's the coach, the female gymnastics wrangler from the Czech Republic?
1:22:33🔗
Adam
Hold still. Get an underwear. I'm working on my neck. Get an underwear. I was in my underpants. Seriously. I had to get down to my underpants and I wear a banana hammock type. I'm just saying, Mädchen, I'm not just saying that for you, but that's how I dress. That's my thing. My family. My dad's from Italy. It's just the way we swing. That's all. I'm not saying it. I mean, I'm saying it, but it's because it's true. It's not a full thong back. Actually, not a full thong back creepier than thong back on a guy. I would say it's not a full thong back. It's not a full thong back, but I'm not allowed to wear it on most beaches out here in the United States. Yeah. Just put it that way. Bad visual. Eddie?
1:23:22🔗
Yeah, go ahead.
1:23:25🔗
I'm ready to go, man.
1:23:28🔗
Yeah, I'm right here. Are you here?
1:23:33🔗
10-4, 10-4, big buddy.
1:23:36🔗
Cool, cool. I got a question about masturbation.
1:23:51🔗
Caller
Affirmative, copy, 10-4. I still have a girlfriend, so that's pretty sad, and I haven't discussed it with her because I don't want to make her feel like she's not cutting the mustard.
1:24:10🔗
Caller
I don't know what it could be. I'm hoping it's not leading towards angry sex because, yeah, that doesn't look good on any resume. Or like any other, you know, conversation topic. But it's been going on for about like five years. I've been sexually active since 15.
1:24:41🔗
Caller
That's minimal. Well, it depends. It's like if I go to the beach and I see a bunch of hot chicks and more summer, then I'm like a chihuahua and I keep going. But other than that, it's...
1:24:57🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
It might cause some permanent damage. Eddie, look, a quick answer to your question. There is something, there is compulsive sex. There are people that have issues around that. I would definitely talk to a therapist because there are a lot more questions than Adam's going to allow me to answer.
1:25:12🔗
Adam
Well, why don't you just, can you reel it in? Because if you can't, you can't reel in it. Can you go, what if you just limited yourself to three times a day? Do you think you could do that?
1:25:26🔗
Caller
Well, I mean, I could control it to a point. I don't even know how to explain it. It's just, my girlfriend is doing the job and everything and she's like hot and stuff. Well, she's not like Jessica Alba.
1:25:41🔗
Caller
You do it and you're fine. You know, you're a celebrity. You know, so I think I just don't want anything to happen.
1:25:48🔗
Adam
I don't want to lead to like, hold on, this is, but look, this is bogus. Eddie, I don't believe you. I think you're full of crap. No, I really don't believe you.
1:25:59🔗
Adam
The only thing that makes you not believe you, Morris, when the I don't believe you gets answered with, you don't believe me.
1:26:12🔗
Adam
Whatever it is, if you're compulsive to do something and you can't stop, then you have a problem and you need to get yourself checked out.
1:26:20🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Seeing hot women and then feeling more compulsive. I'm not sure how.
1:26:31🔗
Adam
As a guy at 21, you just see like Mentos commercial or something like, oh yeah, look at her. Wow. What's that? Okay. Oh, that's right. It's a switch.
1:26:40🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
But to go into full arousal, I mean, he's in an intimate relationship. He's having sex a couple of times a day and then he's automatically aroused by seeing a woman's body in the same time. Sounds like he may have had some trigger set off by some sexual inappropriate.
1:26:58🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
But for people to have that issue there, there are disorders that are described in that way by individuals.
1:27:05🔗
Adam
So it seems like the lion's share of emotional or mental disorders manifests themselves with some sort of sexual behavior, right? I think it's sort of where everything ends up getting channeled into the bedroom, whether it's on yourself or on your partner. Yes? Thank you.
1:27:22🔗
Adam
Thank you, Mädchen. Bruce, that's as good as agreement when Bruce just puts a puss on.
1:27:36🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
But there is a lot of sexual abuse that occurs, and even inappropriate viewing of pornography at a very young age.
1:27:42🔗
Adam
How are you going to... By the way, I tried like hell to get my hands on pornography from zero to 18. Not much luck.
1:27:53🔗
Adam
Yeah, you run across occasional penthouse or something back in the day, but how are you going to keep your kids off it these days? I mean, first off, who can't work a computer? I mean, people work that keyboard like Evelyn Wood. I don't know. She's a speed reader.
1:28:14🔗
Adam
Yeah, but what are you going to do? I mean, like, what do you do with your 12-year-old, the 13-year-old, going over to the friend's house? Is it particularly, you know, like type 60 words a second?
1:28:23🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
I mean, it's more accessible, so there have to be more measures taken.
1:28:29🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
I watched my eight-year-old on the computer. You're right. But if you put some of the filters in there where they can't go to the site.
1:28:34🔗
Adam
I know. But that, I mean, obviously you put up some some you do what you do with everything. You get an alarm on your house, you put some bars up or something, but it doesn't. If someone wants to get in, they get in.
1:28:47🔗
Adam
What about this, too? It's like you got a 12, 13-year-old son. He just, who's he into? Britney Spears? Oh, look at that. It sounds unrealistic. celebritieskin.com. Oh, that's awesome.
1:29:00🔗
Caller
Well, now they have these sexual predators on the computer that have bought up all the different versions of the way to spell Britney Spears. So if a kid goes on just to innocently look at Britney Spears, it directs them to a website of a predator.
1:29:21🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
I'll tell you one thing. Once you have kids, if you think of a predator, you just want to strangle them, right? You want to kill them. Yeah, and then you realize how innocent kids are and what. For somebody to have sexual fantasies or want to hurt a child, once you have kids, then you can understand.
1:29:46🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
Couple of years in prison and put them in the general population and tell them what they did to those kids and they'll get what they deserve.
1:29:53🔗
Adam
I like women and if I went in prison for a few years, I'd come out. I wouldn't like women anymore. You wouldn't either, right? I like a nice rack on a woman. You send me in the joint for five years, I come back. I learned my lesson. I'm not interested in that anymore.
1:30:08🔗
Adam
Yeah. My old thing is, let's put it this way. If for some reason, if homosexuality was illegal and it's just illegal, so we bust you for homosexuality and we send you to prison, go think about what you're corn-holing ways for four years. When the guy gets out, he's hetero, he's straight. No, he's gay as he was when he went in. If you're a heterosexual guy who hams like Asian women and you go to jail for some reason, you come out wanting more Asian women. I don't, look, if you're into nine-year-olds, I think you're into nine-year-olds.
1:30:49🔗
Adam
I see that as more powerful than my love of the busty broads or the gay guy's love of the other man or the guy's love of the Asian women. That's your thing. I mean, and that's how guys are. They sort of have their thing. Thank God most guys are just into attractive women for the most part. But there's a lot of guys that are into young boys or young girls. And you sitting around for 14 months in the joint is not going to change that that much. I don't see how it does. It probably, you know, I mean, you can tell someone what they're doing is wrong. But I don't think if you just make it, if you go, forget about pedophilia, you just go gay. I mean, you just do the analogy with the gay thing, like, I like men and society says, that's wrong. You shouldn't like men. We're going to make a rule that you can't like men. Put them in jail. They're still going to like guys.
1:31:40🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
I think, yeah, you just don't cure somebody with their sexual orientation. If your sexual orientation is to kids, then watch out.
1:31:56🔗
Adam
Island of Predators? This is an idea for a movie, Predator Island. It's the year, you know what the year is? 2025. We've created an island because these guys just repeat, they're repeat offenders. We can't do anything with them, but the ACLU and the liberal homos, they won't let us put them down. So we have an island and we put the Predators on this island. But here's what happens. And then, you know, it's like any, it's sort of Lord of the Flies with the pedophiles. They just have, you know, leaders emerge. There's the worker drone pedophiles. They're all in this island together and they've all done wrong. And then a plane crashes, plane of Cub Scouts. Plane of Cub Scouts crash onto Predator.
1:32:46🔗
Adam
Predator Island. Yeah. But these are Eagle Scouts on their way back from an Eagle Scouting thing in the Bahamas. You know, because they're very gauche these days. They really sold like some kerchiefs or something and raised some money. And they went to Bermuda this year. But the plane crashes. Genius. Scout. Scoutmaster dies in the crash.
1:33:12🔗
Adam
But the kids survive. But they're on Pedophile Island. And they know it immediately because they see the flag and they, you know, the flag of the 45 year old bending over a nine year old. And it's not a tasteful flag, but still I think it lets people know where they're at. And they land. And of course, these guys are hungry. It's been years since they've been with a young man. All they have is this rotting flesh on the island and they're they're chasings and in the Cubs guys, they have to use their skills to survive. To survive. And there's, by the way, there's, there's no merit badge for avoiding a pedophile. You have to think of that on the fly. And they're making like Burmese tiger traps, put sharpened bamboo and stuff. They do that thing where the pedophile is chasing the guy. They used to want his bait. He's a cute blonde kid, his bait. Yeah. And he's running on, pedophile jumps and, snared, tree springs up, he's hanging upside down. They beat him with a stick.
1:34:25🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
With Android robot boys so that when the molesters come, these things just blow their heads off.
1:34:33🔗
Adam
No, no, no, no, that's horrible, Bruce. That's not. First off, I'm sorry. I think it's in poor taste. I don't think it's funny. I don't feel like you should be kidding about that.
1:34:52🔗
Adam
I want you to think about what you said during the break. Yeah, and at the end, I'm trying to figure out what happens. They build a glider. They build a glider on the top of the mountain. These are pedophiles. They're rushing up the mountain to get that. They're highly motivated at this point. Some of them have been there since the 70s. They're just trucking up this mountain trying to get to this young flesh and all this gust of wind comes in. You hear that music. They always make the same music when they actually start flying. They fly to an island in Bermuda and then they're ironically raped when they land there by more pedophiles. It turns out these guys are all over the place. But they're different pedophiles. I didn't know these guys. But still, Pedophile Island. Maybe we get Stamos signed up for this. His agent probably wouldn't want him to do it.
1:35:47🔗
Adam
I think, here's what he would be because I don't think he would go. I don't think he could be, I don't think Stamos would go for being the actual pedophile. Here's what it is. He's the beloved Cub Scout leader who's injured severely in the plane crash. And he tells the young Cub Scouts, go, go without me, go. And they're like, we're not leaving you. And they make like a tourniquet and like a lean-to and a, I don't know, a makeshift, what is that thing, Bruce? Yeah, they make a makeshift gurney. That's not a gurney, it's this one.
1:36:26🔗
Adam
Stretcher. They make one out of bamboo and sheets and they carry him with them. But he keeps saying, I'm too heavy. Leave me, leave me alone. And it's his spirit that moves the boy. Yeah, Stamos would do that.
1:36:43🔗
Adam
It's powerful. It's powerful because he's too, he weighs too much for the glider. But the boys insist he goes. And and they use him as ballast on the glider and it works. But he this is an Emmy performance for Stamos because he's he's banged up bad the whole the whole time and he keeps begging the kids that go without. And he does that thing where he leave me here. I'll hold off the pedophiles. Yeah.
1:37:11🔗
Adam
Let's, he's saying he's a pedophile. Okay. That's good. We'll take a break. We'll be right back after this. Yeah, everybody, that's what I'm talking about. Mädchen Amick is here tonight. She is from ER, Thursday nights, 10 o'clock, NBC, and also little something called Charles in Charge. Now, Jake in Progress, which has my favorite, John Stamos, NBC. Yeah, that's coming up, so look for that. And one time, female cousin touched him. What the? Hold for 120 minutes. What the? Zach?
1:38:38🔗
Caller
Well, she went as far as to where... Of course, I was nine. I wasn't able to get it up yet. She would rub it on her vagina. She could... Sometimes she would say... She said say stuff, too.
1:38:57🔗
Adam
All right. Well, here's the thing, Zach. Here's what I know. First off, could be a subplot of Pedophile Island. But secondly, I'm sure she was abused by somebody. This is what happens. You know, they get abused and then they act out.
1:39:44🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
But what happened to you at that age, when you have sexual arousal that way at that age, it cross-circuits your thinking and your emotions.
1:39:56🔗
Adam
All right. But here's the thing, Zach. Don't walk around like you're damaged goods. You got to get some help. We've heard much, much worse. I'm not saying what she did to you was nothing. I'm saying to you, you can recover from this quite well. Oh yeah. This is not your stepdad holding you down and sodomizing you. You will get past this, but you have to work on it a little. I'm moving along because we're out of time and you've been on hold for so long. So here's the beat, Zach. You're not damaged goods. Your cousin who you're angry with, you should also have a certain amount of compassion for because she was a victim as well and probably victimized by somebody who was much older and not as gentle as she was with you. Then thirdly, get some help, get some therapy, do your work. All right. Thank you, Bruce. We'll be right back after this. Well, that's it, everybody. That's the show. Bruce.
1:41:56🔗
Adam
You're a delight, I must say. And everyone can watch ER on NBC 10 o'clock on Thursday nights, and check out Jake at Progress on ABC with our dear, dear friend John Stamos. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Bruce, saying mahalo.
1:42:23🔗
Mädchen Amick with Dr. Bruce
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