Thursday, January 27, 2005

1:02🔗 Adam Hey, everybody! It's Loveline, not just Loveline, the best of Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Drew. Don't bother calling, because you ain't going to get us. So, enjoy a little of the best of Loveline. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Still plenty of show to go. We got a Germany or Florida coming up. We have Aces, Ranchero, Mexican, Accordion, Countdown coming up. Lots of show. Huge. We have to explain Hobo Power.

1:34🔗 Huh?

1:35🔗 Adam Wow. Wow. Wow.

1:37🔗 Drew Inspiring.

1:38🔗 Adam Strong stuff. Makes you want to work. You want to hear the explanation for Hobo Power. We haven't discussed this in quite some time, which is many years ago, we decided that there should be a unit of measurement for stink. Because there is a unit for measurement for almost everything. Or I should just say everything. They have different measurements for when you are in the ocean, and when you are on land, and when you are in the sky.

2:07🔗 Drew Pressure and direction.

2:08🔗 Adam There is PSI, there is every, there is British thermal units, BTUs for heat. There is every kind of measurement, but there is no measurement for funk. There is no measurement for stink. And people go, oh man, this guy farted, it was rank. But what does that mean?

2:28🔗 Drew Give me a quantitative number. Tell me, you know, give me a scale.

2:31🔗 Adam That way you know that, you know, when you open the old Chinese food that got left out in the fridge or that fish that got left in a cooler for a whole summer that you didn't know and you opened it up, it was all full of maggots, everything. You know that it wasn't just funky, there's a number you can put to it. The same way you know that if a guy got electrocuted, there's a difference between 110 volts and 220 volts. You hear 110, you go, oh, that's smart. You hear 220, you go, oh, my God. That's how we got to do it with hobo power. Hobo power is a measurement, a unit of state.

3:04🔗 Drew So when you say 85 hobo power, you're like, oh, my God, how did you survive?

3:07🔗 Adam There is no.

3:09🔗 Drew 85, 85 is okay. Hundreds, hundreds are the one that's more theoretic.

3:12🔗 Adam That's theoretic. Okay, so here's how it goes.

3:14🔗 Drew 85 is approaching death.

3:16🔗 Adam All right, let's see if we can break this down. What is just a garden variety fart that's got a little stink to it but not too bad?

3:24🔗 Drew A 10 hobo, a good robust.

3:27🔗 Adam Good robust fart.

3:28🔗 Drew Yeah, Lundiboke 8 to 10.

3:30🔗 Adam 8 to 10 hobo. Okay, what is something rotting? Like summertime.

3:36🔗 Drew That could get up towards 40.

3:38🔗 Adam Fish, something flesh.

3:39🔗 Drew Because it can make you rash, it can make you rash. It can make you rash. 50 is vomiting.

3:43🔗 Adam 50 is vomiting.

3:44🔗 Drew Yeah.

3:45🔗 Adam 100 is hypothetical.

3:47🔗 Drew I don't know what you're talking about. 100 doesn't exist. It's like absolute zero. 100 Hobo is just a theoretical. Right.

3:52🔗 Adam No one's ever been there.

3:53🔗 Drew It's like infinity.

3:54🔗 Adam No one's been there and lived to talk about it.

3:56🔗 Drew Well, I think above 85 and they may not make it through.

3:59🔗 Adam All right. So you would say, so what would you've done gynecological exams on homeless women in their 50s?

4:07🔗 Drew 70.

4:08🔗 Adam Oh, really? Haven't taken a shower in a number of months?

4:10🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

4:12🔗 Adam Really? 70?

4:14🔗 Drew It can physically knock you out of the room.

4:18🔗 Adam Really?

4:18🔗 Drew That's about a 65, 70.

4:20🔗 Adam Really?

4:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

4:21🔗 Adam Okay.

4:21🔗 Drew And make you vomit.

4:23🔗 Adam Then there's a psychological component to it. Because here's what I'm saying.

4:28🔗 Drew You get fear. Fear starts coming in above 60.

4:31🔗 Adam Here's what I'm saying. If you were sitting in a restaurant and somebody took the vagina of the homeless woman who hadn't showered many years that you examined.

4:43🔗 Drew Who left the tampon in for six months? Oh. Oh, yes.

4:48🔗 Adam And was waving it around your head.

4:51🔗 Drew The tampon or the vagina?

4:53🔗 Adam The vagina with the tampon while you're at the restaurant. You might say, please listen, you might say, someone's getting an anchovy pizza or something like that.

5:03🔗 Drew By the same token, it might make you retch more easily because you're sort of around food and eating and the smells kind of react more violently.

5:12🔗 Adam There has been times when I've mistook ass for something else.

5:17🔗 Drew For what? Anchovy pizza?

5:19🔗 Adam No, just smells like, you know certain things like at first whiff will smell like something.

5:23🔗 Drew If you remember that pizza spill that you were cooking into the microwave last week, that could easily have been mistaken for ass. So it goes the other way too.

5:33🔗 Best Of Okay, touche.

5:34🔗 Adam So the point is, is hobo power is a unit of stink.

5:39🔗 Drew But we can talk sensibly about it by giving it a numerical value. Right.

5:43🔗 Adam 50 is vomiting.

5:45🔗 Drew That pizza was about 42 hobo power.

5:47🔗 Adam You get to, well I wouldn't put it that high. 38?

5:49🔗 Drew 35?

5:49🔗 Adam Okay, mid-30s. At 50 you're vomiting.

5:53🔗 Drew You're vomiting.

5:53🔗 Okay. All right.

5:54🔗 Adam At 100, you're dead.

5:56🔗 Drew The world comes to a black hole.

5:58🔗 Adam It implodes. It implodes.

5:59🔗 Best Of Okay. All right.

6:01🔗 Adam And at 110, engineer Chris graduates from junior college. So it's actually a little bit further than world of blood.

6:10🔗 Best Of Nice.

6:10🔗 Adam All right. Here we go. Now it's all gone.

6:13🔗 It's all gone according to plan.

6:15🔗 Adam If your plan was never to graduate.

6:16🔗 Drew And so, you know, it's not a descriptive term. So the 40 stock worth of, 40 stock of asparagus worth of acidic.

6:26🔗 Adam Oh, my urine.

6:27🔗 Drew The urine was a good 30 hobo. Right. I'd say. But it was not the same kind of butchered scent of the fish or the butt. Yeah.

6:35🔗 Adam Here's the thing too. You guys can't abuse the hobo power because if you just start labeling every fart of 50, then it loses all reason.

6:45🔗 Drew No, it has to reflect reality.

6:46🔗 Adam Thank you.

6:47🔗 Best Of All right.

6:49🔗 Drew You have to vomit.

6:49🔗 Adam You have to vomit.

6:50🔗 Best Of All right.

6:51🔗 Adam Where are we going?

6:52🔗 Best Of Talking to Claire.

6:52🔗 Adam We're going to Germany or Florida. Go ahead. Germany or Florida. Here we go. Max.

6:57🔗 Hey, how's it going, guys?

6:58🔗 Adam Time to play a little something we call Germany or Florida.

7:00🔗 Best Of All right. Okay.

7:02🔗 Best Of Here's the story.

7:04🔗 Best Of A man was killing an unwanted litter of puppies with a handgun. When he placed the handgun down on the bench.

7:12🔗 Drew The puppy shot him.

7:14🔗 Best Of The puppy stepped on it and shot him in the wrist.

7:15🔗 Drew Yeah, I remember this.

7:19🔗 Adam I think it was Germany or maybe it wasn't. I think it was.

7:23🔗 Drew We heard it twice, I think even.

7:25🔗 Adam Did this one on the Killborn Show or whatever the hell they're calling it.

7:29🔗 Drew You did?

7:29🔗 Adam I did it in Germany or Florida on the Late Late Show.

7:32🔗 Drew This was the one?

7:33🔗 Adam This was one of them. Yeah. So we had this one. Now, here's the beauty of us.

7:37🔗 Drew Can't remember this.

7:38🔗 Adam I did the show. I can't remember what it was. You know why? Because I think the audience picked it.

7:44🔗 Drew But we had done it on the show the night before. This show. My sense is Germany. That's why I'm vague about it.

7:50🔗 Adam The handgun part feels Florida. The killing puppies part feels Germany. I think we're going Germany.

7:56🔗 Best Of Adam struck down the perfect record.

7:58🔗 It's Florida.

8:02🔗 Adam All made even more insulting by the fact that I did this on national television three or four weeks ago.

8:08🔗 Drew The fact that it was such a prevalent story here would make you think US.

8:12🔗 Adam That's a good point. Although I know it seems prevalent. I only heard it because some PAs pulled it up over at the... I keep calling it Killborn, the late late show.

8:22🔗 It was all over the news here too.

8:23🔗 Drew But you know what?

8:24🔗 Since you got it right last time, it just cancels out.

8:26🔗 Drew All right.

8:26🔗 Adam A broken even. Thank you. Thank you, Anderson. Oh, Claire.

8:32🔗 Drew The guy who did the Germany or Florida theme song is on there. Want to just get a glimpse of the live edition?

8:36🔗 Adam Theo.

8:37🔗 Hey.

8:37🔗 Adam Hey, you're 27. You did the theme song for us?

8:40🔗 Caller I did indeed. I was actually disappointed that y'all didn't just play. You played it the last few nights and given us so many compliments. I've been feeling a warm.

8:46🔗 Drew Why don't you just sing it?

8:47🔗 Adam I enjoy it. I don't think it's amongst Anderson's favorites. You don't push Anderson.

8:53🔗 Caller I think when you said deceptively good, that was my favorite description of what it was.

8:59🔗 Adam Well, here's why I call your Germany or Florida theme deceptively good. Because it's not good, but yet you like it. So it's hard to argue with that. And when it comes to a song, you see, okay, here's what I'm saying.

9:12🔗 Drew You don't have to feel honored with us.

9:14🔗 Adam No, no, no. I got to talk to you, Drew. You know, you can't say that about aircraft. You know what I mean? Like, well, I really enjoy this aircraft, although it's not a good aircraft. That doesn't make sense. You can do it with stuff like, you can do it with, you know, you can do it, you can do it with, like, Hostess cupcakes and Twinkies and stuff in McDonald's.

9:32🔗 Drew You can do it with, like, fast food, and some aesthetic things.

9:34🔗 Adam Yeah, you go like, I know that McDonald's is not a good burger, I just like it.

9:38🔗 Drew Yeah, for what it is.

9:38🔗 Adam That's what this is.

9:39🔗 Drew You have the aesthetic value.

9:40🔗 Adam Yeah, this is not a good song, and not a good theme song, but it gets under your skin, and there's something catchy about it, which arguably is better than it being good. Good doesn't necessarily catch on.

9:50🔗 Drew And I was looking forward to a live rendition.

9:52🔗 Adam Okay, what do you think, what do you think, buddy? Okay.

9:56🔗 Caller Things are sick and twisted from too much sun and Nazis, sex, meth and the fetishes, both of them have got these, guaranteed not to bore ya Germany or Florida.

10:05🔗 Adam Yeah, buddy.

10:06🔗 Drew Here's what I like about The. By the time he gets to that last refrain, he's cracking his own ass up.

10:11🔗 Adam Yeah.

10:11🔗 Drew You can feel the smile.

10:13🔗 Adam And he jumps right into it. There's none of that, well, it's pretty late over here in Virginia. I wasn't prepared. I didn't call. No, pal.

10:21🔗 Caller I have formal radio training, so I'm prepared for you.

10:24🔗 Adam You're a true pro. And Theo, what is it you said you did? I don't remember.

10:29🔗 Caller Well, I'm an amateur standup and I do writing. And now since I've talked to y'all last, I actually got the job in morning radio. I'm kind of a danger boy type guy.

10:37🔗 Adam Really? You go out on the streets and do stunts?

10:40🔗 Caller I go out and do all the dumb stunts I can get myself into.

10:43🔗 Adam Yeah. I remember you can get, you know, let me say, hey, Theo?

10:49🔗 Caller Yeah.

10:50🔗 Adam Thanks, buddy.

10:50🔗 Drew God bless you.

10:51🔗 Adam Thanks for contributing to the show.

10:52🔗 Caller Well, hey, I have a new song for Ace's According to the Soul.

10:54🔗 Adam Oh, you do. You do.

10:55🔗 Drew Oh, my God.

10:57🔗 Adam Wow. And you're going to sing at acapella again?

10:59🔗 Drew We got to play it as soon as he finishes the song, though. Can I give him some music for backup?

11:03🔗 Adam Do we have? We don't know what kind of song it is yet.

11:06🔗 Caller I could do the song and then y'all could just add some music to it.

11:08🔗 Adam Okay.

11:09🔗 Caller As you found something appropriate.

11:10🔗 That means work for me.

11:11🔗 Adam Okay. I mean Anderson may have to move his finger.

11:14🔗 Drew Hey, just to let you know, Theo, I don't dislike your song. It's just hard to work it in because it's kind of longer. That's all. All right. But I just got that last one and it's nice and smooth, so I think I'll use it more.

11:24🔗 Adam Let's hear what you got.

11:25🔗 Drew I was humming it the other day.

11:27🔗 Adam A new Germany or Florida theme. Well, I was humming the Pete Ellis Dodge theme. It doesn't mean I like it.

11:32🔗 Drew This is a German Florida theme. It's an Ace's Ranchero theme.

11:35🔗 Adam Oh, it is? Yeah.

11:36🔗 Caller It's an Ace's Accordion Countdown.

11:38🔗 Adam Oh, all right.

11:40🔗 Caller I want to cover all the games on the show.

11:41🔗 Adam Here we go. Well, let's hear it.

11:43🔗 Drew What else do we have?

11:44🔗 Caller Fourteen, nine, immediately, two. Whatcha, whatcha, whatcha, whatcha, whatcha gonna do? Mexican musicians breaking it down on Ace's Accordion Countdown.

11:56🔗 Adam Come on, Drew, clap it up. All right. All right. You know, I think the bar was set so high with the Germany or Florida. It was tough to get close to it.

12:08🔗 Drew But this one comes around, though.

12:10🔗 Caller It's got potential.

12:11🔗 Drew Yeah, it's got potential.

12:13🔗 Adam You start off with a, huh? And then by the end it's like, oh, okay.

12:17🔗 Caller A little Beastie Boys-esque.

12:18🔗 Adam I didn't record it, though.

12:19🔗 Drew That's the problem.

12:21🔗 Adam All right. Well, Theo, you know what that means.

12:22🔗 Caller I got to do it again.

12:24🔗 Adam Yeah. I have to do it again. Are you ready, Anderson?

12:26🔗 Yeah, we're rolling.

12:28🔗 Caller All right. Here we go. Fourteen, nine, immediately, two. Whatcha, whatcha, whatcha, whatcha, whatcha gonna do? Mexican musicians breaking it down. On each of the accordion. Countdown.

12:41🔗 Adam All right. Theo, I'll tell you what. That's gonna work as a placeholder until we find a decent song. No, that's awesome, buddy. I wish we had something. I wish we had-

12:50🔗 Drew Did you have to offer him in return?

12:51🔗 Adam I wish we had windbreakers or just paperweights or anything on this program that we could actually send out after 20 years.

12:57🔗 Drew When you come to Los Angeles.

12:58🔗 Caller Here's what you can do. If you end up making the cartoon with the Chief Thunder Bear, then I can write the theme song for that.

13:04🔗 Adam All right, buddy. And whenever you're going to be out in LA next year, you come by and see us.

13:10🔗 Caller If I took you seriously on that, you'd see me soon.

13:13🔗 Adam Well, come on out. We'll treat you like a king.

13:15🔗 Caller All right, consider it done.

13:16🔗 Adam All right, Dio. We got to move out to Virginia.

13:20🔗 Drew Treat him like a king. You'll let him sit in this booth here for two hours.

13:23🔗 Adam You can watch me get coffee in my sweatpants.

13:27🔗 Drew Slippers.

13:27🔗 Adam Slippers and argue with Drew going down the hall. Complaining about something that probably we're just talking about on the air. All right, where are we, Drew?

13:34🔗 Drew Here we go.

13:35🔗 Adam What's going on?

13:36🔗 Drew You want to do, we have to play Ace of Ranchero now.

13:38🔗 Adam Well, it does seem like it's begging for it.

13:40🔗 Drew Nancy had something to add to the game.

13:42🔗 Adam All right. Nancy?

13:44🔗 Yes?

13:45🔗 Adam What's up?

13:46🔗 Oh, I found this great band you guys might like and use for your Ace of the Court countdown.

13:51🔗 Adam Oh, really?

13:52🔗 Yeah. They're called Gran Silencio and they're not really completely Ranchero music, but they add elements of like sky and rock and-

13:59🔗 Drew Wow. They're called what? What are they called?

14:02🔗 Gran Silencio.

14:02🔗 Adam The Big Silencers?

14:04🔗 No. Yeah. The Great Silence and Gran Silencio.

14:08🔗 Adam No. Grand. Oh, Grand's not big. It's great.

14:11🔗 Yeah. They're really, really good. You guys should check them out.

14:14🔗 Best Of Okay.

14:14🔗 They have an accordion. They have the trumpet and everything, but they add like everything to it.

14:19🔗 Adam Okay.

14:19🔗 Drew Chris, get on that.

14:20🔗 Best Of Yeah.

14:20🔗 Drew Thank you.

14:21🔗 Adam Thank you, Nancy. That's not going to work, though. We need super traditional ranchero music.

14:25🔗 Drew Well, maybe this will be interesting.

14:27🔗 Adam Drew, stop eating nuts. All right. Chris, do you have any ranchero music?

14:35🔗 Drew Or Anderson. He's got it, right?

14:36🔗 Adam Well, Anderson gets it off a different source and sometimes it's not always ready, and it sounds crappier. It sounds better.

14:43🔗 Drew It's better music. I really am transported.

14:46🔗 Adam I hear cleaning to that. It's the same crappy music whether Anderson plays it or Chris plays it.

14:50🔗 Yesterday, you liked Anderson's music, so.

14:53🔗 Adam That's stupid, Drew.

14:55🔗 Drew Oh, come on. How could you argue with that?

14:59🔗 Adam I'm going to argue with it when Chris fuses crap up. We should actually have dueling ranchero music. You really want to kill yourself. Let's try playing them. Can we play them simultaneously? That would be a fate worse than death.

15:12🔗 Best Of I bet it would sound normal.

15:14🔗 Adam Really? It might just come around.

15:15🔗 Drew Well, they all sound like the exact same song.

15:18🔗 Adam How dare you make fun of ranchero music, Anderson?

15:20🔗 Drew I am offended.

15:21🔗 Adam Yeah. Let me explain something. You know when bands that are cover bands say, oh no, we're not a cover band, we're a tribute band. That's what this is. This is not to make fun. Yeah, this doesn't make tribute. We're not trying to make fun of ranchero music. This is tribute to ranchero music.

15:39🔗 Tribute to the stuff that comes out of like horses' asses?

15:41🔗 Drew No, Anderson.

15:42🔗 Best Of Anderson.

15:45🔗 Drew Gentlemen, please.

15:46🔗 Best Of It's gotta hurt.

15:47🔗 Adam This is a whole brand of music. How would you like it if a guy with a giant guitar and a huge hat and a crazy vest that was too tight for him made fun of your music, your precious...

15:59🔗 Drew Or your film-making.

16:00🔗 Adam Your radio head.

16:01🔗 Drew Your film-making, too.

16:02🔗 Best Of Your other band.

16:02🔗 Adam Radio head.

16:03🔗 Best Of No.

16:04🔗 Adam Yes, your highfalutin band.

16:07🔗 Best Of Exclusively Rand Sheryl Music.

16:08🔗 Adam I will say that Rand Sheryl Music is just as valid as classical jazz or any other form and it's probably arguably influenced more performers.

16:19🔗 Drew Historically more relevant.

16:21🔗 Adam Thank you. Now, what do you got there, Chris?

16:24🔗 Drew Think of all the construction has been inspired by that music.

16:26🔗 Adam Oh my god.

16:26🔗 Drew Come on. This country was... The city was built on it.

16:28🔗 Adam This country was built on it.

16:29🔗 Drew This city was built on it.

16:30🔗 Adam To the beat of Rand Sheryl Music. Yeah. I play a little there, Anderson. We'll get Chris playing. We'll see how it sounds together. Now, by the way, this is what it sounds like when I get between the stucco guys, who are working on one side of the house, and the guys who are doing the cinder block wall on the other side of the house. Sometimes when you get that sweet spot right in the border, where your right ear is hearing the rancher music out of the cinder block guys, your left ear is hearing after a stucco guy.

17:00🔗 And what's your reaction?

17:02🔗 Adam Well, it doesn't sound worse, I can tell you that, but it may not be a bad sign.

17:07🔗 Wow.

17:09🔗 Adam Alright, alright.

17:11🔗 Drew Sounded a little better.

17:12🔗 Best Of It actually sounds a little better.

17:14🔗 How dare both of you.

17:16🔗 Drew You're right, you're right, Drew. I'm just saying.

17:18🔗 Adam It's an homage.

17:18🔗 Drew Just saying.

17:19🔗 Best Of Please. Claire?

17:20🔗 Drew Yeah, but still.

17:21🔗 Adam Claire?

17:22🔗 Caller Hello. Yes?

17:24🔗 Adam What's happening?

17:26🔗 Caller Okay, I have a question for you. I have been married for going on seven years now to a man, and he's like the first real male relationship I've ever had.

17:40🔗 Drew What do you mean? Explain yourself.

17:42🔗 Adam Yeah, real.

17:44🔗 Caller Let's see. My very first relationship, if you want to call it a relationship, I was seven years old and it was with a girl for eight years.

17:51🔗 Drew Well, that's not a real seven. You mean somebody was sexually abusing you when you were seven?

17:56🔗 Caller No, I was with the girl. She was eight. I was seven. We were together having foreplay and oral sex together.

18:04🔗 Drew Yeah, Claire, that's a child sexually abusing you. Child on child sexual abuse is rather common. And when an adult gets their hands on a child...

18:11🔗 Adam How dare you? They were in love.

18:13🔗 Drew Yeah, when an adult gets their hands on a child, the child will then do those things to other children. That is a form of sexual abuse that you were being sort of subjected to.

18:22🔗 Adam How dare you undermine what they had?

18:24🔗 Drew I know, but that's what happens, Claire. Okay, but I was... You were sexually abused by a peer for many, many years as a child.

18:34🔗 Caller And then my next relationship was also with a girl.

18:38🔗 Drew Well, of course, that's how it goes.

18:39🔗 Caller She was killed by a drunk driver or else we would probably still be together to this day.

18:42🔗 Drew Wow, oof.

18:45🔗 Adam Now, did the drunk driver just hit him in the car or did they actually just get out of the car and shoot him?

18:52🔗 Caller No, he was driving a semi truck and he was doing 85 miles an hour down a 30 mile per hour road, ran a red light and he bombed her truck and it killed her instantly. It actually decapitated her because of how hard he hit her.

19:06🔗 Best Of Hold on one second.

19:09🔗 Adam Oh, by the way, you don't have to do the decapitation math. What was her head not attached very well?

19:15🔗 Best Of It just rolled off or? No, no, he was driving a semi, he was doing 85.

19:19🔗 Drew No, I think he said she was driving the semi. That's what I was trying to figure out.

19:22🔗 Adam No, no, she was in the intersection. He was going 85 and a 30.

19:26🔗 Drew With a semi 85 and a 30?

19:28🔗 Adam Well, 60. Good enough.

19:31🔗 Drew 60 and a 30?

19:32🔗 Adam Good enough.

19:32🔗 Drew Semi?

19:33🔗 Adam He ran a red light, he t-boned her and decapitated her. I'm just saying, wouldn't it be ironic if you were killed by a drunk driver who wasn't actually in their car? They broke her car, he was drunk and they shot you.

19:45🔗 Drew It happens, I'm sure.

19:46🔗 Adam Take a long explanation every time you did it.

19:49🔗 Drew Killed by a drunk driver, but listen to the deal. 85 mile a T-bone vaporizes your car.

19:54🔗 Adam That's right.

19:56🔗 Best Of That's right.

19:56🔗 Adam That's what happened.

19:57🔗 Best Of She was killed.

19:59🔗 Adam And Claire sounds kind of butch, kind of angry. And it doesn't sound like a kind of gal who'd want to be with a guy. Was she married to a guy? Is she married to the guy or is she just with him? Are you married to this guy?

20:13🔗 Caller Yes, I am married to this guy. He was my best friend before we got married.

20:18🔗 Adam Why did you make the move over to Lads if you've been with the Lasses all these years?

20:25🔗 Caller I really don't know. I just completely fell head over heels for him. Really? We went on one date. We both completely broke our rules on that one date. I moved in with him three days later. We have been together ever since.

20:41🔗 Adam We have three children. Drew's first date rules is never buy a lobster, always get a BJ.

20:49🔗 Caller Well, he's not a BJ.

20:51🔗 Adam He actually wore it on a laminated wristband like quarterbacks wear in the NFL. I would check it. Surfers, hold on, hold on.

20:59🔗 Drew I actually had an audible for that.

21:00🔗 Adam Oh really? You would check off at the line. So Claire, and now you're thinking about women again.

21:08🔗 Caller Well, I've always been thinking about women. And he knows that.

21:11🔗 Adam He knows it.

21:12🔗 Caller He actually, we like, we watch the movies together and we read the magazines together and stuff like that. And he uses that with me during our sex.

21:24🔗 Adam He uses what with you?

21:25🔗 Caller In order for me to have an orgasm, I have to think about women. If I think about him, it's gone. There is him.

21:31🔗 Drew All right. All right.

21:33🔗 Adam Make sure you make that abundantly clear to him next time you guys are in the bedroom.

21:36🔗 Drew So what's your question?

21:37🔗 Caller I never told him that.

21:38🔗 Best Of I know.

21:39🔗 Adam I know.

21:39🔗 Because I think of him.

21:41🔗 Adam No, no. Please don't tell him that.

21:43🔗 Best Of Please don't tell him.

21:43🔗 Caller I don't want to.

21:44🔗 Adam Okay. We don't have to. Now you have two children.

21:48🔗 Caller Yes.

21:49🔗 Adam And your family of origin, what's up? Alcohol. What's going on with that?

21:53🔗 Drew Abandonment.

21:54🔗 Caller Oh my God. My dad left me when I was a year old because he was an alcoholic and a drug addict. And my mom left me when I was a year and a half because you're a drug addict.

22:07🔗 Adam You're a drug addict, abandoned.

22:09🔗 Best Of Okay. All right.

22:09🔗 Adam So just wholesale abuse.

22:11🔗 Caller Abandoned, sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend.

22:15🔗 Drew You've had every possible disaster.

22:18🔗 Caller Yeah.

22:18🔗 Drew Trauma, every trauma.

22:20🔗 Caller If it happens, it would probably happen to me.

22:22🔗 Best Of Yeah.

22:23🔗 Drew Wow.

22:23🔗 Best Of All right.

22:23🔗 Adam Now, here's the whole thing, Clare. Although we could tell most of these things happen to you by the sound of your voice, you sound like you're relatively stable.

22:33🔗 Drew You're holding it together, yeah.

22:34🔗 Adam For someone who's been through what you've been through.

22:35🔗 Drew It's interesting, almost like that relationship with the girl who kept her patched together for a while. Having a relationship. I understand you conceived of it as something different than it was. It probably kept you pieced together a little bit.

22:49🔗 Caller I went through like four years of anger management and I've seen my 22 therapists. My doctor now even is trying to get me mentally stable because I'm bipolar.

23:00🔗 Drew Yeah, I get that. You're a little manic, you're right.

23:02🔗 Adam Claire, let me explain to you what the truth is.

23:05🔗 Caller Okay, go for it.

23:06🔗 Adam And please understand I'm a genius. You are always going to have thoughts about going a different direction. You have a fantasy that if you're with a woman somehow things would straighten itself out, you would feel better. You will never feel better. Because of your past, there will always be a part of you that's a little uncomfortable in the current relationship you're in.

23:30🔗 Drew Uncomfortable in anything comfortable.

23:32🔗 Best Of Thank you.

23:33🔗 Adam You have two kids.

23:35🔗 Caller Yes.

23:35🔗 Adam This guy is a good guy.

23:37🔗 Caller He's wonderful.

23:39🔗 Adam Now stop reading the Chick magazines. This whole, you know, your relationship satisfies your every need. It doesn't work that way. You end up getting in a relationship that works, but there's always a shortcoming in this department or that department. That's fine. You work at it. Good. You got a guy. Stay with him. Focus on your kids.

24:00🔗 Drew Simple, simple, simple.

24:01🔗 Adam Have your fantasies. Don't act them out. Focus on the kids. No more kids. Stay in therapy. Fine. Your impulse is going to be to make trouble.

24:10🔗 Drew Yeah. Don't listen to it. She's okay.

24:12🔗 Adam You're stable.

24:12🔗 Drew Take your meds.

24:13🔗 Adam Don't move.

24:14🔗 Drew Yeah. Get the meds stabilized. Because the bipolar, you can feel it pushing through there, can't you? Yes. Yeah.

24:19🔗 Adam Yes. And it'd be nice if someone put a bullet in your dad's head.

24:24🔗 Drew He's gone, right?

24:25🔗 Adam Well, someone's dad, but then the stepdad, whoever did the sexual abusing. Really?

24:31🔗 Drew Don't you get a sense of that relationship with the little girl? See, she had kept her connected as a human being, you know, kept her sort of...

24:37🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

24:38🔗 Drew As bad, as traumatizing as that can be.

24:42🔗 Adam Yeah.

24:42🔗 Drew It worked for them somehow.

24:44🔗 Adam All right.

24:44🔗 Drew That's my sense anyway.

24:46🔗 Best Of All right. Let's...

24:49🔗 Drew We have to find out how the girl is. Wait, wait. Do you mind? No.

24:51🔗 Please.

24:53🔗 Drew Hey, Clare?

24:54🔗 Caller Yes?

24:55🔗 Drew What happened to the girl you were with when you were a child?

24:58🔗 Caller When I was a child?

24:59🔗 Drew What happened to her?

25:00🔗 Caller Her parents actually took her away and moved to out of the country, to Germany.

25:04🔗 Drew So you don't know anything... out of the country? You don't know anything about her now?

25:09🔗 Caller No.

25:09🔗 Drew All right. There you go. Satisfying.

25:11🔗 Adam There you go. Never learn your lesson, do you? No.

25:15🔗 Drew All right. Never will. You never learned your lesson about me? Never learned my lesson.

25:19🔗 Adam I've known it. There's nothing I can do to physically restrain you.

25:23🔗 Drew You never learned your lesson.

25:25🔗 Adam I learned my lesson. I should come in here with a goddamn dart gun and put it in your neck. Curare. Right in the neck. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. We'll be right back. Please hold. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Drew just threatened me with a scalpel, everybody. So just go get a scalpel, come in here, and I'll do it. You heard him, Chris, right? Is that what he said?

26:11🔗 Drew Give me three seconds, I'll get it done.

26:12🔗 Best Of That's right, that's right.

26:13🔗 Drew I got a big old cyst on its neck.

26:15🔗 Adam Something on the back of my neck. I don't know if it's like ingrown hair.

26:19🔗 Drew I don't know what it was, a cyst now.

26:21🔗 Adam Well, how does something turn into a cyst?

26:24🔗 Drew It's either a gland that gets walled off and just starts expanding.

26:27🔗 Adam Oh, you got glands in the back of your neck? Sure. Where don't you have glands? I'm moving there. I'm moving to Glanville, anti-Glanville. So, it starts as like, here's why I'm suspicious with the ingrown hair. It's right at the point where-

26:45🔗 Drew Give me a needle. Let's do it now. Listen, Chris, Chris, give me a needle. Oh, he's upset.

26:50🔗 Best Of What do you mean?

26:56🔗 Adam Chris can't find his belly button. You think he's going to find a needle? And find a needle.

27:03🔗 Drew We're going to do this.

27:04🔗 Adam And believe me-

27:04🔗 Drew And some paper towels.

27:06🔗 Adam Okay. Please go at it. It's driving me insane.

27:10🔗 Drew I'll take care of it.

27:11🔗 Adam Here's the thing. It's right at the line where when the barber buzzes your neck and gives you the buzz, cleans up the neck, so to speak. Drew, do you even get that by the way? Are you so hairless that they're going to clean up your neck?

27:24🔗 Drew No, I actually use a blade on that.

27:26🔗 Adam Straight edge?

27:27🔗 Drew Sweet.

27:28🔗 Adam Yeah, they clean up your neck, they'll buzz it around the back, and when the hair comes back, sometimes it'll get a little stubbly, like where I got a little bump on my belly where I had my hernia surgery and they shaved my belly off. It comes back like a bikini line or something. Anyway, the point is I got some kind of zinger back there. I'm going on week three, it's driving me insane. I can't see it, I can't get to it. Now normally I'm a surgeon. I drop that pin, I lance something, I drop it right in, I drain that thing right out. But my stuff is tough. I mean my stuff don't come easy. You got to work it. You got to work it hard and you can't just press on it. You got to cut it. So if we get a pin, Drew, you drop it in the back of my neck, we'll get this thing out. But you know what? I wouldn't be as confident as you are right now. You're very confident, Drew. Remember when you tried to drain my palm?

28:19🔗 Drew Yeah, that wasn't fun.

28:20🔗 Adam That was painful for me and painful humiliating for you.

28:24🔗 Drew Yeah.

28:24🔗 Adam It didn't work. Now did it?

28:26🔗 Drew Well, I kind of know what I'm getting into here.

28:27🔗 Adam Okay. Feel like you do. Producer Anne is looking at you.

28:31🔗 Drew Here's my guess.

28:34🔗 Adam I saw her get up and move. Now she's entering the studio.

28:38🔗 Drew She's actually delighted by this.

28:39🔗 Adam I know what.

28:40🔗 Drew Oh, tack.

28:41🔗 Adam Tack. Let me see. Now that's good. Now I was about to predict we're going to get something that's not quite what we need but close enough, which is the disaster. That's like jumping out of a plane with that's not quite a parachute. But yeah, I'm getting some paper towels and all right. There you go. Here's a tack and we need some light too. Turn the light up, Drew, and please get something out of there. It's been bothering me now for three weeks. I'm going to take some calls. Wow. Ann's got some paper towels, got a little wet nap, a little alcohol on there. Now, the white thing you see on there, Drew, is just dried skin. That's what I'm saying. Drew's now putting it into the hole in the back of my neck.

29:27🔗 Best Of All right.

29:28🔗 Adam That's going on there, Drew. You don't got a mic, but tell me.

29:32🔗 Drew Nothing's happened yet.

29:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

29:34🔗 Best Of All right.

29:34🔗 Adam Drew is now...

29:35🔗 Drew I need the paper towels.

29:35🔗 Adam You want the paper towels? Drew is working on the car bunk on the back of my neck. They see... Hold on a second, Drew. Now, hold on. Now, see, what was on there was a little piece of dried skin that you thought was like a white cap, right?

29:48🔗 Best Of I think I'm in.

29:49🔗 Adam You think you're in?

29:50🔗 Best Of Let's see. All right. All right.

29:52🔗 Adam If it hits my brain, you tell me. Anything coming?

29:55🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

29:55🔗 Adam Not white. Yeah. White?

29:57🔗 Drew Toothpaste.

29:58🔗 Adam Get it, baby. Go, you bastard. I swear to Christ, I'm going to get a divorce. We're getting married, Drew. I told my wife, I said, would you go at this thing? You know what I yelled at her? I said, what kind of chick doesn't want to go at a man's zit on his back? And no. Hold on. Drew, what are you doing with the pen? I thought it came.

30:17🔗 Drew I'm opening up a little bit further because it only came partially.

30:19🔗 Adam Let me see what you got. You got? Ow!

30:21🔗 Drew Ow!

30:24🔗 Adam What do you got?

30:25🔗 Relax.

30:26🔗 Adam You're drilling into my spine. What do you got? Let me see the white. I don't trust you.

30:30🔗 It's just a little bit.

30:32🔗 Adam Yeah. Chris, you see anything? No. Did you see anything before?

30:36🔗 Best Of Ow!

30:37🔗 Adam Ow! Do you have to hit me or can you just wipe it off? Hold on a second. You're moving for God's sake. I'm moving. You've got to stop. Now, what did you get? A little bit of white. A little bit of white or is it a little toothpaste or was it just dried skin? You sure you got something?

30:52🔗 Caller Blood's coming out of it now.

30:53🔗 Adam Well, I know blood's coming out. Anytime you bore into a man's neck, blood will fall off. If you took like a spring croquine, stab me in the neck, it would have been...

31:00🔗 Drew You're not going to have to have sex with me.

31:01🔗 All right.

31:01🔗 Adam Let's go. Let's go. Get it going there.

31:04🔗 Drew I'm going to take some calls.

31:06🔗 All right.

31:06🔗 Adam I'm going to take some calls. Drew is taking a pin, by the way, a thumbtack that producer Ann produced. Pretty serious. And that's producing, by the way. You get a thumbtack in here. I got an ingrown hair or something in the back of my neck. Drew is going at it. He swears it's going to pop. Ow! I'm telling them it's not. Take some calls.

31:24🔗 Best Of Get your mind out of it. Yeah. Yeah.

31:27🔗 Adam I might just fall asleep. I don't go to the phone. Drew's drilling a hole in my spine.

31:32🔗 Best Of Maybe you need some viking.

31:33🔗 Adam Now.

31:34🔗 Best Of Ow!

31:35🔗 Adam You're 20?

31:36🔗 Caller I am 20.

31:37🔗 Best Of All right.

31:38🔗 Adam What's up, baby doll?

31:40🔗 Caller Oh, a while ago, I think it was over a month ago, a girl asked how she could give her boyfriend better head. And you and Dr. Drew told her to take whenever she brushes her teeth to brush further back on her tongue.

31:53🔗 Adam Oh, really? Yeah, that does that. Drew just endorsed that, but maybe Drew didn't say it. I probably said that helps you with the gag reflex a little bit, if you can get the good thing and do it and that. Speaking of head, Drew's giving me neck right now. Yeah?

32:07🔗 Caller I did, and it actually helped me a lot. I could like take more of my boyfriend in now.

32:13🔗 Adam Really?

32:14🔗 Caller Yeah. So I thank you very much for that. Well, I was actually wondering if it's bad for your gag reflex at all.

32:23🔗 Adam Well, I'm trying to think, and Drew, I know you're absorbed in my neck buncle right now, but what about the gag reflex? Obviously, it's something that God gave you.

32:34🔗 Caller Well, I mean, like after I had started doing it, because it started, I can't think of it, but it just, it worked within a week, you know, and I could take more of them then, but I got really wasted after that, and then I had to throw up, and I couldn't throw up as easily as I normally would have.

32:52🔗 Best Of Uh-huh, ah!

32:54🔗 Adam So you started brushing your tongue, you started brushing back of your tongue and getting down in there, it softened up your gag reflex, but then after a hard night of partying, when you got the spins, you couldn't just put your pinky down your throat and heave, because you'd worked on your gag reflex. Well, let me tell you something, let me tell you something, as Drew says, no free lunch in nature. Yes, Drew? That's correct.

33:21🔗 Drew This thing needs to be excited solid.

33:24🔗 Adam Alright, good times there now. What did I get done? What did I say to you, Drew?

33:29🔗 Drew There was a little core in it.

33:30🔗 Adam No, I told it. Listen, 10 minutes ago you said if you gave me a pin, it would come out. What did I say?

33:36🔗 Drew Impossible.

33:37🔗 Adam Impossible.

33:38🔗 Best Of But I think...

33:39🔗 Adam What is that on my neck and how come I've been living with it for three weeks? What's going on? If it's a zit, here's what I want to scream at my neck. Show yourself. If you're a zit, come on. Bring it.

33:51🔗 Drew It's like a solid cyst. It's like a bunch of glandular material in there.

33:55🔗 Adam What do you do with it?

33:57🔗 Drew It may... what I just did may make it go away.

33:59🔗 Adam Or I may die in my sleep.

34:01🔗 Drew You might. That's the other possibility.

34:03🔗 Adam That's actually more probable that I die in my sleep.

34:06🔗 Drew No, no. It may... because I disrupted the architecture there. Yeah.

34:10🔗 Adam You could have just hit me with a slipper. What if it's done the same? Disrupted the architecture. You stabbed me.

34:16🔗 Drew But it may also re-saw bones. They need to be actually cut out with a knife. Like I said, a knife. Yeah. It's not one of the things you can... Listen, I explored all around there with that needle.

34:26🔗 Adam Oh, see, I'll tell you. You give me some oxyten and a sewing needle.

34:31🔗 Drew No, no, no, no.

34:32🔗 Adam I can... there's nothing I can do. A heart transplant with some oxyten and a sewing needle. Do you understand? I can separate conjoined twins.

34:40🔗 Drew You could probably get...

34:41🔗 Adam Bring me some twins from Guatemala that are joined at the skull.

34:44🔗 Drew You saw Dateline tonight?

34:45🔗 Adam Yes. Give me a pin and some oxyten. I will fix those girls. They will lead normal lives. Do you understand?

34:55🔗 Drew By the way, that story about the twins, what's the outcome they're alluding to with those two?

35:02🔗 Adam I watched Dateline tonight along with Drew and I fast forwarded through the twins because here's the whole thing with me. Conjoined twins stuck together at the hip, I can stomach, stuck together at the head is tough. I can't watch it and it's like stuck together at the hip, tough to watch but can make my way through it. Stuck together at the head, not going to make it.

35:28🔗 Drew These kids are severely neurologically impaired. I mean they're going to look forward to a life of maybe ambulating, maybe talking.

35:36🔗 Adam Well, in the country they're from they'll probably be president and chancellor.

35:39🔗 Drew But the point is they don't need, what are they going to do? The implication was in the story was...

35:42🔗 Adam Where are they from?

35:43🔗 Drew They're on their way to recovery, they're going to be like they'll be riding their bike.

35:45🔗 Adam Where are they from?

35:46🔗 Drew Guatemala.

35:47🔗 Adam What are they going to do? They hang out and have babies, chase chickens around. That's all they do in this country, they're not doing anything. That's fine, you need a brain, just hang out. They're going to have it better than we do. Take naps, they're relaxed. And by the way, on anyone's terror list, they're going to go blow up a few cinder block houses with thatch roofs and a hammock or two.

36:14🔗 Drew By the way, to switch topics, that terror thing, I just keep hearing city building, city court building, city court building. That's the one they're going for, I just know it.

36:21🔗 Adam Well, why are they talking about it?

36:24🔗 Drew What do you mean?

36:25🔗 Adam Well, I mean, they're not going to do it now that we're aware of it, are they? You're talking about the city court building in Manhattan? Anyone who's been to the city court building in Manhattan realizes when you stand out on the sidewalk, that what it looks like is a chair with three legs. It basically looks like if you can pop that third leg, that chair is coming.

36:52🔗 Drew That's what I keep hearing. That's what I'm saying.

36:53🔗 Adam That is one hell of a chair. That chair may catch a couple other chairs on the way down.

36:59🔗 Drew And Fifth Avenue while it's there.

37:01🔗 Adam And it looks like, I mean, it's really, it's a marvel of engineering when you stand under and you look up 12 stories and you're looking at the bottom of the first floor essentially and like I said, just one stilt holding up the whole south side of the building or whatever it is.

37:21🔗 Drew I mean, isn't that the one you go for?

37:22🔗 Adam I, it seems like a rider truck with just a little manure in it, double parked at the right spot, would take out that thing and bring it down. On the other hand, as they've learned with the trade centers and the car bombs, these buildings were engineered more so for those sorts of events and less so for stuff like, you know, jet fuel burning, melting I-beams and causing a pancake effect of the floors. They are meant for serious winds, they're made for hurricane-type forces, made for earthquakes and natural anomalies and things like that. So, structurally, it's like bones, you know, it's like your bones are not breaking but acid, you're not made for acid, you know what I'm saying? And the jet fuel was the acid, and nobody made anything for it. They were meant to withstand the force of an airplane, but not the hundreds and thousands of gallons of burning fuel, which ended up taking them down. So, the bomb, and you realize, the first World Trade Center bomb was a fairly significant bomb. I mean, it took out a couple levels of parking, I mean, it's...

38:38🔗 Drew Like 12 levels or something, crazy.

38:41🔗 Adam It's as much bomb as you could squeeze into a panel truck, basically, barely move the, you know, barely rock the building. Take a quick break, we'll be right back.

38:52🔗 Call Loveline 100, Love 191.

38:55🔗 Can you get addicted to aspirin?

38:57🔗 Caller Alright, that's pretty accurate.

38:59🔗 Loveline, be right back.

39:11🔗 Adam I got to tell you what, boy. I'll tell you what. 831, 31 after 8 o'clock.

39:21🔗 Caller I got to tell you what.

39:22🔗 Adam Dr. Drew over there, Adam Carolla over here. Today's has been checking the weather. Coming in the weathered traffic, Coming up, 61 Degrees, Agorah Hills, El Hambrose, 61 Degrees, Arcadia Chicken, it's 61, Baldwin Park, 61, Bellflower, 61, Carson, 61, Torino, 61. Cudahy, check it in, 61 degrees, Downey 61, Dwarke 61, A War Morm 61, Hot Door, Inglewood, check it in, 61, La Cagnata, Flintridge area, check it in, 61, La Mirada, Drew, what do you think? Freezy, 61. 61 degrees, South Southwest, four knots, 61 degrees, La Puente, 61, Lancaster, Lawndale, 61, Lomita, 61, Linwood, 61, Monrovia, 61, Montebello, 61 degrees, Pico Rivera, check it in, 61 degrees, San Gabriel, 61, Santa Fe, Spring, 61 degrees, Sierra Madre, 61, Southgate, 61, Torrance, 61, Ferdows, 61, Walla, 61, Cedar, Wheat, 61 degrees, and now it's time to get a little traffic. I tell you what, Drew, you driving it or what? It wasn't easy. 8.30, 1.30, 1.30, 8 o'clock, 20 on the way from top of the hour, news, weather and traffic coming up at the top of the hour. Drew, you coming in age? A lot of brake lights. A lot of brake lights. Look out for brake lights. Slow and go on the 405. Look out for brake lights, traffic in lanes on the four level. Could not get through the four level. Look out for brake lights. I'll tell you what, watch out as I guide. I'll tell you, once a while it gets really morbid but the guy's just power through it. I have fuel carrying a truck, 18 wheeler carrying jet fuel collide with a moped, had a guy down center driving. I'm gonna clean that up. That's on the 101. You know, they bring up these like carnage, you know what I mean? Like picturing body parts spread around.

41:00🔗 Drew Hopefully CHP have that cleaned up soon.

41:02🔗 Adam A guy on a motorcycle collide with three Humvees. I hope he's going to clean that up. That's on the 401. I like when they focus on the traffic portion of the tragedy. Right. Jet fuel all over the four level. The guy at the moped was trapped amongst it and evidently was ignited. So look out for delays. If you're coming in, you may want to get off the 405. Thanks to Polvina along there. There's a guy on fire in the middle of the freeway. We got that. A gore checking in 61 degrees. All right, Drew, ready to get back on the phones? Weather traffic. The morning high profile vehicle gusts in the past. Another news. I'll tell you what. We got to get into the news. Oh, gee, unrest in the Middle East. There's trouble in the Middle East. There's trouble in the Middle East. Unrest in the Middle East. Stay tuned, though, for news traveling the weather. 831, 31 after 8 o'clock, 29 away from the top of the hour. When we get to the top of the hour, maybe they'll have an old Middle East thing taken care of, may not be trouble in the Middle East. Unrest in the Middle East.

41:59🔗 Drew There will be some traffic.

41:59🔗 Adam There'll be traffic coming up. I'll tell you the four or five. Look out for brake lights. Traffic in lines. Here we go. Ready to hop back in the phones, Drew? Here we go. First quick, quick shout out of the weather. Quicker look at the weather. There's 61 Downey, 61 Duarte. All right, Santa Monica checking in at 61 degrees. You ready? I'm ready. Ready to hop back in the phones? 61 degrees, everybody. Dress appropriately. Here we go back to the phones. Go talk to Chris. Look out for brake lights on the 405. Slow going on the way in to work. A lot of people commute out in the Southern California area. Aren't used to seeing the traffic and brake lights. Watch out. Slow and go. I like once in a while when they add a little something. Stay cool out there. Relax. You know, a little piece of their own. Just a little, little, little, little, homespun philosophy for you to take with you into the job.

42:46🔗 Best Of Yeah, just keep it cool.

42:48🔗 Adam Give them a break. Chris.

42:51🔗 Best Of Yes.

42:52🔗 Adam 18?

42:52🔗 Best Of Yes.

42:53🔗 Adam What's that?

42:54🔗 Best Of I just recently got my penis pierced.

42:56🔗 Adam Penis pierced, Irwindale 61.

43:00🔗 Drew Why?

43:01🔗 Best Of Just because it was my birthday and I just wanted to get it done.

43:07🔗 Drew Just because you thought it looks cool or what?

43:09🔗 Best Of No, I just wanted the big hype was and it's not really that big.

43:14🔗 Drew No, I mean, it just feels like you think you would feel when somebody sticks a spear through your penis in your urethra and out the base of your penis.

43:21🔗 Best Of Well, I didn't do that. I just got the foreskin pierced.

43:24🔗 Adam Foreskin?

43:25🔗 Drew It's just a little ring, a little earring, foreskin ring.

43:28🔗 You pansy!

43:29🔗 Adam Poser. Hell, anyone could do that.

43:32🔗 Best Of I just want to know, like, having a penis piercing, can it, like, increase...

43:36🔗 Adam Hold on. Let me say this.

43:38🔗 Best Of I got a question.

43:40🔗 Adam For the penis, they got to do, you know, they got the big long barbs that go through the urethra and stuff, but if you just get the urethra, I mean, I'm sorry, the foreskin pierced... Yeah, the pre-puce pierced. Just like you would do the lobe of your ear, with the earlobe thing, they'll have a gun down at the mall. Pop!

44:00🔗 Drew Yeah, I mean, with the pre-puce, they'll pull ice on there.

44:02🔗 Adam No, I'm just saying, can they just give you the gun?

44:05🔗 Drew Probably.

44:06🔗 Adam Did they use the gun on you?

44:07🔗 Best Of No, it's just a straight needle.

44:09🔗 Okay.

44:09🔗 Best Of All right.

44:11🔗 Well, I want to know...

44:12🔗 Adam And by the way, I don't know why, but somehow, doing the foreskin for the person who's doing it is more grotesque in its own bizarre way that you're actually... Yeah, I don't know why, but you know why? Because the spirit of the urethra almost feels like a procedure.

44:30🔗 Drew Right.

44:30🔗 Adam Whereas the foreskin just seems like...

44:32🔗 Drew You're handling a penis.

44:33🔗 Adam This is something you do at sleepaway camp when you're 13 and you're just fagging off with the guy in the bunk above you. This is just bizarre, like, sexual ritual...

44:43🔗 Caller It's intimate...

44:44🔗 Adam .gay sexuality here.

44:46🔗 Best Of Is he gay? Is he gay?

44:48🔗 Adam Chris, are you gay?

44:49🔗 Best Of No.

44:49🔗 Adam You are now. Who did this for you? Was it a guy?

44:54🔗 It was a girl.

44:57🔗 Adam She pulled your foreskin out and iced it up?

44:59🔗 Best Of Or what did she do? They pulled it out and they iced it up. She was wearing surgical gloves and everything. And kind of what she did, she pushed in the needle with her thumb while she was holding the other side with her two fingers.

45:11🔗 Adam And she just pushed it through her fingers. I know everyone is a mess at these places. So, you know, normal rules don't apply. But if you're this guy's, if you're this chick's husband or boyfriend, and she's just sort of handling dongs all day.

45:26🔗 Drew How about the guy doing the vaginal piercing?

45:29🔗 Adam Yeah, that's cool.

45:30🔗 Best Of Yeah, you're right.

45:31🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. So now you have what? A stud or a hoop?

45:35🔗 Best Of No, I just have a hoop with the ball in it. That's it.

45:37🔗 Drew Well, by the way, Adam, I mean, how dare you? These people are trained, licensed. Of course. And our government would allow people to handle body parts, intimate parts, and push needles and barbs and spears through them. Unless they were carefully licensed and carefully monitored. OSHA gets involved in every aspect of every business. Of course, they're involved with this one.

45:55🔗 Adam I don't understand how that works because Drew tries to run himself a little doctoring business and OSHA and FEMA and everything that ends with an A is up his ass as far as the government goes.

46:09🔗 Drew Every attorney and every liability and every insurance necessary, licensing.

46:12🔗 Adam You have 70 years of college and you have to have a $4 billion worth of insurance. How can a place open where you have basically guys that are high on, they're on methadone, they dropped out of junior college, and they've botched a few piercings and tats on themselves. They're going at your labia?

46:32🔗 Drew If you have an untoward experience, some sort of bacteria gets introduced, they're a bacteria in the environment, you can get the flesh eating bacteria going on your penis.

46:40🔗 Best Of You can do it.

46:41🔗 Drew No problem.

46:42🔗 Adam Well, anyway, Chris, so your question was, you want to know if you can use condoms?

46:48🔗 Best Of Yes.

46:50🔗 Best Of All right.

46:50🔗 Adam Do they have that?

46:51🔗 Drew They have reinforced condoms. You can usually get them from the piercing shops. Also, I think the magnums are tapered towards the tip, so you can get the Trojan Magnum, so you can...

46:59🔗 Adam Bellflower checking in, 61 Carson, 61 Cerrito, 61 Cotahay, 61 La Mirada checking in, 61... I was like the checking in part, checking in.

47:11🔗 Hi, I'm from La Mirada.

47:13🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm outside. I'm looking at Thermomers, about 61.

47:17🔗 Oh, good.

47:18🔗 Adam Okay, I'll call you back in 20. Well, no, okay, if nothing changes, I won't... All right, okay, we'll talk. Yeah, they're checking in. All right, we'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

47:59🔗 Best Of Oh, yeah!

48:01🔗 Adam Whoo! Get it on! This is my song. Picture the Ace man, 70s retro shaft jacket, slung over shoulder, slow motion, hair bouncing in the wind. Every chick in the bar, just seeing the boots, like Travolta and Saturday Night Fever. Every chick in the bar, just head turning simultaneously as I make my way to high five. A black guy looks cool because it keep moving. Everyone looking, guys looking, bartender pointing and laughing. I flip him something. Yeah.

48:34🔗 Drew All the girls turn. POV changes.

48:37🔗 Adam Yeah.

48:39🔗 Drew But this is what the girls see.

48:41🔗 Adam That's what they hear. Yeah.

48:42🔗 Drew That's what they see.

48:43🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah.

48:49🔗 Drew Yeah.

48:50🔗 Adam Yeah. Get It On. It's Loveline. A man that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191.

49:03🔗 Drew Hello?

49:04🔗 Adam Hey, what's happening, baby doll?

49:06🔗 Caller Hi.

49:07🔗 Adam Hey, turn something down.

49:10🔗 Caller Hello?

49:11🔗 Adam What's going on?

49:12🔗 Caller Um, I have a problem. Who is this?

49:16🔗 Drew Who did you call?

49:17🔗 Caller I called Q101.

49:19🔗 Adam Okay. Well, that's us.

49:20🔗 Caller Okay. Well, I've been on the phone for so long, I didn't know who I was talking to.

49:24🔗 Adam All right.

49:25🔗 Caller All right. Well, I have a problem. My clit. They call it the trunk, right?

49:31🔗 Adam Shocking.

49:32🔗 Caller And every time I walk, I feel like I'm having an orgasm.

49:36🔗 Adam Hold on. You had your clit pierced, they call it the trunk?

49:41🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, where I'm from, they do.

49:43🔗 Drew You mean the hood?

49:44🔗 Caller No. I'm from the beach, Virginia.

49:48🔗 Drew Virginia Beach.

49:49🔗 Hold on.

49:51🔗 Adam Drew, did you, did you, did you, you got that whole exchange there?

49:55🔗 Drew Yeah, I got it. I didn't follow it, but you know what I mean?

49:57🔗 Adam You didn't follow it? Drew, you missed something, you missed something precious.

50:01🔗 Drew Tell me.

50:02🔗 Adam She said, I got, well, first off, she said, I got my clip beers, they called it the trunk.

50:07🔗 Drew Right.

50:07🔗 Adam So I'm guessing that's the kind of piercing she got on her clip.

50:10🔗 Drew I thought she confused.

50:11🔗 Adam They called it the trunk. And then you said, you mean the hood? And she said, no, I'm from Virginia Beach. She said, where I'm from, from, we call it the trunk. And you said, you mean the hood, meaning you're from the hood. Come on, buddy. Let's go.

50:24🔗 Drew I miss that.

50:25🔗 Adam Yeah. Because it was funny because she said, where I'm from, we call it the trunk. And he said, you mean the hood.

50:33🔗 Drew It came out of my mouth. That's why I missed that.

50:35🔗 Adam I know. That's why you should have called it out.

50:37🔗 Best Of All right.

50:39🔗 Adam So, Anna.

50:40🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm here.

50:42🔗 Adam You're from the prepious.

50:44🔗 Caller The previous?

50:45🔗 Adam You're from the hood?

50:48🔗 Caller No, I'm not from the hood.

50:50🔗 Drew Okay. The kind of piercing you had, they pierced the hood.

50:54🔗 Caller No. Yeah. Okay. Did I say the trunk? Okay. I'm so sorry.

51:01🔗 Drew She's confused with the parts of the automobile, the whole ride.

51:04🔗 Caller I got it. I got the joke.

51:06🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

51:07🔗 Best Of Okay.

51:07🔗 Adam What do you mean the trunk, though?

51:09🔗 Caller You're right. The hood.

51:10🔗 Drew She meant the hood.

51:12🔗 Best Of She meant the... Oh, really?

51:14🔗 Adam The trunk. The boot and the bonnet. She got her trunk pierced?

51:21🔗 Best Of Oh.

51:23🔗 Adam What the hell is going on?

51:25🔗 Drew I knew this is where she was going.

51:27🔗 Best Of Oh.

51:27🔗 Drew Oh, my God.

51:28🔗 Best Of All right. All right, Anna.

51:30🔗 Drew Thank you for our music. Yeah.

51:32🔗 Adam Okay. So you got your hood. All right.

51:35🔗 Drew Yeah. The trunk is now open.

51:36🔗 Adam Right.

51:36🔗 Drew There's a body in there.

51:38🔗 Adam So, okay. And now you what?

51:40🔗 Drew Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing in Chicago if you're from Virginia Beach?

51:43🔗 Caller Because my husband got out of the military and he's from Chicago. So I moved back to Chicago. But that's besides the point. The point is-

51:51🔗 Drew How long ago did you have your trunk pierced?

51:53🔗 Caller Four months ago.

51:55🔗 Drew In Virginia Beach.

51:56🔗 Caller That's correct. How'd you know Virginia? I just said the beach.

52:00🔗 Adam No, I think you said Virginia Beach.

52:01🔗 Caller Did I say the Virginia Beach?

52:03🔗 Drew You said Virginia Beach. You're the same person who called the hood the trunk. So, just kind of remember that.

52:07🔗 Caller Right. Well, anyhow, it's like a thing or whatever, but every time I walk, I feel like I'm going to get off.

52:15🔗 Drew That is what some people report from these kind of piercings. The problem with that is that you can eventually become desensitized.

52:22🔗 Adam Yeah, because-

52:23🔗 Drew For a while, you're over-sensitized.

52:24🔗 Adam Well, the thing is, eventually, if you feel that sensation, every time you take a step, your body's going to have to turn down the volume on the clitoris. Otherwise, you should be walking around, leaving a snail trail and screaming.

52:38🔗 Caller Well, I'm in the grocery store and I'm just like, oh my God, prego.

52:43🔗 Adam Yeah.

52:44🔗 All right.

52:46🔗 Adam Stay out of the dairy. Okay. Why don't you take it out?

52:49🔗 Drew Produce.

52:50🔗 Caller Well, I don't want to. I just don't know.

52:54🔗 Adam Then you'll have to ice your clit before you go outside.

52:58🔗 Caller Okay.

52:58🔗 Adam You know, spray.

52:59🔗 Drew Tape it down or something.

53:00🔗 Adam Tape it up. Get a little skull cap for it. Get, you know, spray it with some of that freon.

53:07🔗 Drew Minyamica? Clityamica?

53:08🔗 Best Of Yeah. Clitica.

53:11🔗 Adam Take some of that nitrogen stuff, that spray cans that they would spray on your elbow when you would scuff it up as a kid. It was red. It was obnoxious.

53:20🔗 Drew Oh, ethyl chloride.

53:21🔗 Adam Just spray some of that on there. Knock it down. By the way, first off, haven't someone put something through your clitoris? It just seems bizarre to me. First off, is just somebody working on that area, a stranger working on that area, an un-

53:40🔗 Best Of Non-professional.

53:41🔗 Adam untrained professional working or non-professional working on that area, and then just putting a spirit through it, and it just smacks of effed up.

53:49🔗 Best Of Yeah.

53:49🔗 Adam It really does. I don't know what's up with Anna. No, I know, but Anna?

53:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

53:55🔗 Adam Okay, don't have any kids.

53:56🔗 Caller I already have kids.

53:57🔗 Adam Yeah, sure it does. You have kids.

53:59🔗 Caller Why are you telling me not to have any?

54:01🔗 Adam Because you sound unfit.

54:03🔗 Caller I sound unfit?

54:05🔗 Adam Yeah.

54:05🔗 Caller Why?

54:06🔗 Adam Like you'd be a bad mother.

54:07🔗 Caller Why?

54:08🔗 Adam Well, because you decided, because you decided it would be a good idea to get your clit pierced with being a mother of two.

54:16🔗 Caller A mother of two.

54:18🔗 Drew How many do you have?

54:19🔗 Caller Okay, wait. Why would you say I'm an unfit mother if I have my clit pierced?

54:22🔗 Drew How many kids do you have?

54:23🔗 Caller Well, that's beside the point. Why would I be an unfit mother?

54:26🔗 Drew She has three or four.

54:27🔗 Adam What do you have?

54:27🔗 Caller Three kids? If you get your tongue pierced, that makes you an unfit mother?

54:31🔗 Adam It helps. How many kids do you have?

54:33🔗 Caller Well, if you get your ears pierced.

54:35🔗 Adam How many kids do you have, you hoe?

54:37🔗 Caller I'm a whore.

54:38🔗 Best Of All right, idiot. Isn't the tone of the trunk?

54:41🔗 Adam We all know she's a great mom.

54:43🔗 Drew Well.

54:43🔗 Adam And again, we talk to these A-holes every night, which is, oh listen, I go out, we do a little swinging, then I do a bump, a blow off my boss's ass, then I get a hood piercing. How dare you say I'm, oh, I leave it all, I leave it all at work, and then I come home and I'm a new, oh, I'm Mary Poppins when I get home.

55:02🔗 Drew And Mary Poppins wasn't having spontaneous orgasms.

55:05🔗 Best Of Right.

55:06🔗 Drew You know what I'm saying?

55:06🔗 Adam I'm not trying to be uptight. I'm just saying, if you got two or three kids, don't worry about the hood piercings.

55:12🔗 Best Of Yeah.

55:12🔗 Drew I mean, but I mean.

55:14🔗 Adam It's not the act. It's that you're thinking about it.

55:17🔗 Drew Right.

55:18🔗 Adam That ass shouldn't even pop up on your radar screen.

55:21🔗 Drew It's not the fact that she has a piercing.

55:23🔗 Adam It's not. No. And it's not the fact that she enjoys sex or that she wants to be intimate with her husband as much as she wants. That's not-

55:31🔗 Drew She's spending her time obsessing about this kind of thing.

55:32🔗 Adam It's a non-judgment call. It's that husband tossed out of the military or out of the military. I'm guessing you're moving back to Chicago. That's where he's from. Probably living in the folks' basement. You know, you live in the military. It's basically 850 bucks a month. You don't get two nickels to rub together. And you're spending 110 bucks, put- get a hole pierced in your hood.

55:54🔗 Drew That's all.

55:54🔗 Adam I'm sure you could use a car seat instead of the hole piercing.

55:57🔗 Drew That's all I'm saying. And what if the- It's just a complication, gets infected or something?

56:00🔗 Adam And what happened to mom? Yeah, she died when a guy was sleet with tattoos, who had a bone coming out of his nose. They couldn't stop the bleeding coming from the vagina.

56:09🔗 Drew From the clitoris.

56:10🔗 Adam Yeah. What's in the vagina, right?

56:13🔗 Drew Above it.

56:14🔗 Adam Ah, that's vagina. It's vulva. It's like-

56:17🔗 Drew The vagina is the inside.

56:18🔗 Adam Oh, it's like- it's like saying the panhandle's not part of Texas. See what I'm saying?

56:27🔗 Drew No.

56:28🔗 Adam It's in Texas. It's just off, you know?

56:32🔗 Drew It's Oklahoma. It's not Texas.

56:34🔗 Adam Isn't- there's a Texas panhandle too, though, isn't there? No? It's all Oklahoma? I thought there was a Texas panhandle.

56:41🔗 Drew Panhandle's the pan. Oklahoma's the-

56:44🔗 Adam There's no handle. The handle's not- oh, no, it's not, is it? Oh, you're right, Drew.

56:48🔗 Drew Oklahoma. I thought there's-

56:50🔗 Adam I thought Texas had a pan with a handle on it too.

56:52🔗 Drew Oklahoma, you're right.

56:53🔗 Adam All right, you're right. Look, I'm just saying the clitoris is in the vagina. That's how everyone thinks. That's a vagina.

57:00🔗 Drew Well, that's why guys don't know how to perform oral sex. They think this is-

57:03🔗 Adam How dare you?

57:03🔗 Drew They think there's something in the vagina that they're going to be able to stimulate. There isn't.

57:08🔗 Adam That's the vagina, the whole thing from hair to hair.

57:11🔗 Drew Here we go. Got the picture here.

57:13🔗 Adam All right.

57:13🔗 Drew This part?

57:14🔗 Adam Yeah, that's all vagina.

57:15🔗 That's all vulva.

57:16🔗 Adam Vulva, vagina, it's all the same place. It's all the Texas. I didn't want to look at your pictures anymore.

57:24🔗 Drew This is called the vaginal orifice. Doesn't qualify as a vagina here.

57:26🔗 Adam Armand? Look.

57:28🔗 Best Of Yes, sir.

57:31🔗 Adam I don't need to see a textbook to know what I know. I never let the man's words affect my thinking.

57:37🔗 Drew I know that.

57:37🔗 Adam Or force me to look at a map. Armand?

57:40🔗 Best Of Yes, sir.

57:43🔗 Adam Yeah. I thought there's a Texas panhandle.

57:45🔗 Drew It sounds like it should be.

57:48🔗 Best Of Go find the Texas panhandle on Google.

57:50🔗 Adam You better hope there's no Texas panhandle. Armand?

57:54🔗 Best Of Yes, sir.

57:55🔗 Adam You're 19?

57:55🔗 Best Of Yes, sir.

57:56🔗 Adam What's up?

57:57🔗 Best Of Basically, I got a Prince Albert.

58:01🔗 Here we go.

58:02🔗 Best Of I know. It's kind of weird.

58:04🔗 I'm from Chicago also.

58:05🔗 Drew Do you have any kids?

58:07🔗 Best Of Excuse me?

58:07🔗 Drew Do you have any kids?

58:08🔗 Best Of No. No, sir. I'm actually a virgin.

58:10🔗 Drew Adam will not abuse.

58:11🔗 Best Of What?

58:12🔗 Adam You're a virgin. Wow.

58:13🔗 Best Of Yeah. It's kind of weird.

58:15🔗 Drew No.

58:15🔗 Adam That's tactical. You know what I mean?

58:18🔗 Drew Stay a virgin with a bar?

58:19🔗 Adam Well, you know, yeah, you could, people could go like, are you still a virgin? You go, I got a Prince Albert. And they would just leave you alone. You wouldn't ever have to lie.

58:28🔗 Best Of I got a couple offers, but it kind of freaked me out. I'm not sure what's up with that. But, yeah, it's not good.

58:33🔗 Drew What do you mean? What do you mean you got freaked out?

58:37🔗 Best Of I don't know. Like, once like the girl is into me, like it's kind of, I don't know if it'll turn off or it makes me feel weird or...

58:46🔗 Caller I get scared off, yeah.

58:47🔗 Best Of All right.

58:48🔗 Drew What's up? Pretty intrusive mom?

58:51🔗 Best Of I haven't seen her ever since I was maybe two years old. Never seen her ever.

58:56🔗 Adam Do you have a stepmom?

58:57🔗 Best Of I had to do a stepmom. Maybe I met her when I was four, maybe.

59:02🔗 Drew What's she like?

59:05🔗 Best Of She's all right, I guess. She's a little weird, a little off, but she has a pretty good heart, so...

59:10🔗 Adam All right. And what are you doing? Are you going to college?

59:13🔗 Best Of Right now, I'm trying to go back to college for a paramedic. I'm an EMTB, basic. I'm trying to go back for my paramedic in about a couple months.

59:23🔗 Adam And you're not religious?

59:25🔗 Best Of Yeah, I've been an altar boy ever since I was like ten years old.

59:28🔗 Adam Oh, you are religious.

59:30🔗 Best Of Yeah, pretty religious.

59:31🔗 Adam Do you want to wait till you're married before you get a boy?

59:34🔗 Best Of No, it's nothing like that at all. Nothing like that at all.

59:37🔗 Drew So what is it then?

59:40🔗 Best Of Be honest with you, it's not like I think it's a sin or nothing. I'm a religious, but I'm not like one of those What is it?

59:47🔗 Adam You don't need to know what it's not.

59:50🔗 Best Of I don't know, I just really feel kind of weird and turned off. I don't feel like yucky or disgusting, but I don't know how to describe it. It's kind of weird.

59:59🔗 Adam All right.

1:00:00🔗 Drew Yes, it is weird. Not a normal feeling.

1:00:02🔗 Adam You like guys? No.

1:00:04🔗 Drew He's gay.

1:00:05🔗 Adam No. All right. Well, then, look, okay, here's what I want to say. Yummy phase. We've talked about this. Some guys are mature at 14 and some guys ain't into it at 20. At 25, no, 23, it's important. Yeah, at 19, 90% of guys are raring to go. There's a 10% that's weird. They're a little skittish. They're just these guys. I mean, they don't like...

1:00:32🔗 Drew He's squirrely, but I think there's more of the squirreliness here. I think he's really, genuinely has intimacy problems.

1:00:37🔗 Adam Armin?

1:00:38🔗 Best Of Yes, sir.

1:00:39🔗 Adam Okay, so your mom, you feel like your mom abandoned the family.

1:00:43🔗 Best Of Yeah, definitely.

1:00:43🔗 Drew What happened before she left?

1:00:45🔗 Best Of Excuse me?

1:00:46🔗 Drew What was she like before she left?

1:00:48🔗 Best Of To be honest with you, I don't even remember what she looks like. I did a couple pictures, but I don't even look at them.

1:00:53🔗 Drew Do you know why she left?

1:00:55🔗 Best Of Don't want to know the story.

1:00:57🔗 Drew Maybe you ought to look at that a little bit.

1:00:59🔗 Adam Armin, you sound like a smart guy. You're up in your head a lot. You got some weird energy, but you ain't dangerous. You're 19. Everything's cool. You need to just sort of focus on your EMT training. Don't get all freaked out about your virginal status and start trying to find a woman and just date her.

1:01:19🔗 Drew Just date somebody.

1:01:20🔗 Adam But don't pour your allowance into your joint, in your underpants.

1:01:26🔗 Drew Don't get caught up in stuff. But also, don't go for, you know, if he goes for somebody that he's not freaked out by, it could be kind of, you know, who that's going to be.

1:01:34🔗 Adam Get your training. Here's what 19-year-old guys who aren't going to college need to do. Get your training. Get your job. Get out of the house. And then start. Because trying to get laid when you're living in the basement, your stepmom's coming down with a hamper full of your soiled socks. And you're beating off into a poster of Christy Brinkley on the ceiling is no way to live. Get your money. Get your job. Get out. All right. Now here's someone who says they live on the Texas Panhandle. Chris?

1:02:04🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

1:02:05🔗 Adam What's up there, brother man? You live in the Texas Panhandle?

1:02:08🔗 Caller I'm just south of the Texas Panhandle, actually. Yeah.

1:02:12🔗 Adam There's a Texas Panhandle, right?

1:02:14🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

1:02:15🔗 Drew And where is that? Is that where the Oklahoma Panhandle is?

1:02:18🔗 Caller Amarillo's in the Panhandle.

1:02:21🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:02:21🔗 Caller You know, we're in Amarillo and love it there.

1:02:22🔗 Adam How dare you, by the way. And by the way, see, Drew knows I'm so bad at geography that I could say that, you know, Canada's to the north and Mexico's to the south. And if Drew said, no, it's the other way around, I'd go, oh, oh, you're right. I'm sorry.

1:02:36🔗 Drew I'll remind you.

1:02:36🔗 Adam How dare you?

1:02:37🔗 Drew I'll remind you. I said it sounds like there should be a Texas Panhandle.

1:02:39🔗 Adam Yeah, after you chastise me and put your crap all over my wonderful analogy. Confused.

1:02:45🔗 Drew I said, like, there's the Oklahoma Panhandle. I know for sure there's that.

1:02:48🔗 Adam Well, there is a Texas Panhandle.

1:02:49🔗 Drew That's what the Clitoris is, an Oklahoma Panhandle.

1:02:51🔗 Adam No, I said that... Okay, you know what I said. How dare you? You don't mean apology.

1:02:55🔗 Drew I'm sorry.

1:02:56🔗 Adam Apologize.

1:02:57🔗 Caller I'm quite impressed by Adam's geography of Texas. Every once in a while when he's trying to belittle somebody by telling them that they're working in the Denny's and Odessa or Abilene or something like that, he's pretty spot on with some of the cities.

1:03:08🔗 Adam Yeah, thanks, Chris.

1:03:10🔗 Drew Abilene?

1:03:11🔗 Adam You have a woodwork question?

1:03:11🔗 Drew Have you ever said the word Abilene?

1:03:13🔗 Adam Yeah, I definitely said Odessa.

1:03:14🔗 Drew Yeah, I definitely have said it.

1:03:16🔗 Adam Chris?

1:03:16🔗 Caller Yes, sir?

1:03:17🔗 Adam Do you have a woodworking question?

1:03:18🔗 Caller Well, I would just want to get your opinion on the use of biscuits. I've got some older guys who live down the road from me that I've thought to about working every once in a while.

1:03:27🔗 Adam They're down, man.

1:03:29🔗 Drew They've got a biscuit joiner.

1:03:31🔗 Adam Plate joiner.

1:03:31🔗 Caller They tell me to pile them up on my workbench and burn them. It says it ain't worth nothing, but I just want to see what you said about them.

1:03:37🔗 Adam All right, well, what people don't know is a plate joiner and a biscuit joiner are the same thing. Biscuits come in different sizes, different little numbers like 10 through 20. They look like a flat football and they're a wafer. And in order to join two pieces of wood, they used to drill a hole with a drill bit and put a round dowel into it, you know, just a round quarter inch wooden dowel. Now they have this thing that goes in, a little saw blade, makes a little smile in it, and you slide the glue all over the biscuit. You've seen my biscuit joiner. Boring bit, multiple biscuit joiners. Put that in, you join it that way. It's stronger than the wood itself. I'm a huge fan of the biscuit joiner, Chris, and you tell those old timers to kiss your ass. They're just jealous. They're doing it the old fashioned way. Understand too, a lot of guys who work with wood do it so they don't have to go back into the house and they're not looking for faster ways to do anything because they got the old lady in the house.

1:04:32🔗 Drew Right, they want to stay outside.

1:04:33🔗 Adam They want to stay outside. So you come up with some technology that can get them back into the house with their kids and their family and they're angry.

1:04:40🔗 Drew They're out chipping, you know, a flint trying to get a fire going.

1:04:43🔗 Adam Yeah, trying to get a fire going, they got a water wheel instead of a power saw.

1:04:49🔗 Drew Grinding the wheat out in the back.

1:04:50🔗 Adam Yeah, using like a bow and a stick to drill a hole, sharp piece of tusk at the end of it. Yeah, otherwise you have to go back in the house. A guy's been working on the same like a hummingbird feeder for 14 years, sure. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:05:09🔗 Caller Dude, you got issues. 1-800-LOVE-191. Get your questions ready. More Loveline coming at you in a few. New Rock 1073.

1:05:38🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Gave Drew a nice sampling of the asparagus whiz in the bathroom.

1:05:50🔗 Drew It was not a sample, it was an assault. I think it was a payback for that little exchange we had earlier in the show.

1:05:57🔗 Caller Wow. Yeah, wow. Wow. Powerful. Wow.

1:06:00🔗 Adam I ate 13 large stocks of asparagus tonight for dinner. The whiz just came out as if I was whizzing on a hot radiator. I mean, there was that much smell was coming up from it.

1:06:16🔗 Best Of Yeah.

1:06:18🔗 Drew What is that with you? The difference between the hobo power between four stocks and 12 stocks for you, it's about it's exponential.

1:06:27🔗 Adam It does.

1:06:28🔗 Drew It's not an additive arithmetic thing.

1:06:31🔗 Adam Right. No, I don't know. You put a few zeros in the hobo power department behind. We've not discussed the hobo power in a while. Let's make a note to explain hobo power tonight. All right?

1:06:42🔗 Drew Now?

1:06:44🔗 Adam Oh, now some Carolla is coming your way. Oh my God. No.

1:06:48🔗 Drew This will be the appropriate night to have this discussion.

1:06:50🔗 Adam Yeah, we got to finish.

1:06:51🔗 Drew Yeah, don't vomit. Don't actually vomit, okay?

1:06:53🔗 Adam Okay, we got to finish talking to... Oh, and then, you know, that's another thing.

1:06:58🔗 Best Of I got bit by a lot of mosquitoes today.

1:07:00🔗 Adam I bet you did. I probably got that West Nile thing.

1:07:03🔗 Best Of Where?

1:07:03🔗 Adam All over my back.

1:07:04🔗 Drew No, that's got to be a rash.

1:07:07🔗 Best Of Why?

1:07:07🔗 Drew Let me say. Every day, a week does not go by that a patient doesn't come in and say, Oh, heavily spider bites, flea bites, mosquitoes.

1:07:14🔗 Adam Well, you listen, you deal with dodo's. Okay, let me say this too.

1:07:18🔗 Drew It's winter time with mosquitoes.

1:07:20🔗 Adam No, no, let me explain. The spider bite thing, the poor spider, everyone, everything outside of a zit is a spider bite to people.

1:07:29🔗 Caller That's right.

1:07:30🔗 Adam I got a spider bite.

1:07:31🔗 Drew By the way, eight times out of ten is shingles when they come out with that.

1:07:35🔗 Adam Really?

1:07:35🔗 Caller Absolutely.

1:07:36🔗 Adam Shingles?

1:07:36🔗 Drew Shingles.

1:07:37🔗 Adam Really? Just a spider bite, what they think is a spider bite?

1:07:40🔗 Drew No, they don't go, it started as a spider bite. Now I've got this, then they describe it weird.

1:07:44🔗 Adam No, I'm just talking about one lump they call a spider, and one calls everything a spider bite. It's almost generic.

1:07:49🔗 Drew And they invariably want to bring in the brown recluse. It's a brown recluse spider, right?

1:07:53🔗 Caller No, they don't.

1:07:55🔗 Adam What, a crocodile hunter?

1:07:56🔗 Drew People bring weird spiders up all the time. It's never a spider bite. Ever, ever, ever.

1:08:00🔗 Adam Okay, no, it's never. No, it's not. But by the way, I had my goofball wife trying to talk me into a spider bite, didn't I? No, I smashed like eight mosquitoes in my house mysteriously. Mosquitoes all over the inside of the house today. It's been hot. Santa Ana has been blowing. It's been hot outside.

1:08:18🔗 Drew You must have some still water out in the back there.

1:08:19🔗 Adam Something's going on, yeah. And there were mosquitoes in the house. And I took a little nap and I woke up with a bunch of mosquito bites all over. And I felt raped.

1:08:26🔗 Drew Let me see.

1:08:27🔗 Best Of All right.

1:08:29🔗 Adam First off, I got some of them on my face.

1:08:33🔗 Best Of All right.

1:08:34🔗 Drew Do you take your medication lately?

1:08:36🔗 Best Of No, I'm not taking my medication.

1:08:37🔗 Adam Well, what do you count? What do you count?

1:08:40🔗 Drew Not just your alcohol, your usual medicine.

1:08:42🔗 Best Of Yeah, that's my medicine.

1:08:43🔗 Adam All right, let's pull.

1:08:44🔗 Drew You can't take your jacket off first.

1:08:46🔗 Adam I'm just pulling up the back.

1:08:47🔗 Drew All right, let's go.

1:08:50🔗 Adam Just pull the back up for me then, would you?

1:08:54🔗 Drew Where are they?

1:08:55🔗 Adam I don't know. Yeah, where are they? Oh, yeah. Look at that.

1:09:02🔗 Caller Hold on.

1:09:03🔗 Adam I'm telling you, I got the West Nile.

1:09:06🔗 Drew I know.

1:09:07🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah. Drew, you're never right. You ever get tired of not being right?

1:09:11🔗 Drew No, it's Hives. It's Erticaria.

1:09:13🔗 Adam It's Hives?

1:09:14🔗 Drew Yeah, it's called Erticaria.

1:09:16🔗 Adam Okay, but let me, let me, Drew, seriously, please listen to me.

1:09:21🔗 Best Of Is this the Hives?

1:09:22🔗 Caller Okay.

1:09:23🔗 Adam It's got to be.

1:09:24🔗 Best Of That's pretty quick.

1:09:25🔗 Adam It's either a band or a band called Erticaria.

1:09:27🔗 Drew Do you have it anywhere else on your legs or anything?

1:09:28🔗 Adam No.

1:09:29🔗 Drew You said your face on your neck.

1:09:30🔗 Best Of No, no, no.

1:09:30🔗 Adam I do, I did, I did get a...

1:09:32🔗 Drew Yeah, it's Hives. Hold on a second.

1:09:34🔗 Adam Hold on. Stop saying Hives.

1:09:36🔗 Caller Hives.

1:09:39🔗 Adam Let me say this. Please listen. Everyone was trying to talk me out of whatever I got.

1:09:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:09:44🔗 Adam First off, Drew, what's my batting average?

1:09:46🔗 Drew But the... Let me tell you what I...

1:09:47🔗 Adam Batting average?

1:09:48🔗 Drew 100%. Let me just say what I'm seeing back there. Go ahead. Is probably 30 to 50.

1:09:55🔗 Adam 30 to 50?

1:09:56🔗 Drew Yes. They're little raised lumps.

1:09:58🔗 Adam 30 to 50?

1:09:59🔗 Drew You count them, they're all over the place. And they're patches with red patches. So it's called a wheel and flare reaction. The wheel and flares look like bug bites. But when they're distributed like that and they get up onto the face and neck, they're typically around here, but it's hives, shingles. I mean, I'm going to carry it.

1:10:18🔗 Adam Whatever.

1:10:18🔗 Drew I got it.

1:10:19🔗 Adam It's fine. Well, I make it through the show.

1:10:21🔗 Drew Yes, no problem. Does it look crazy?

1:10:22🔗 Adam There's a striker in here tomorrow because I'm not going to be here. No, here, okay, let me explain what's going on. I killed mosquitoes inside of my house.

1:10:32🔗 Drew I know, it's weird.

1:10:33🔗 Adam Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, late this afternoon, early evening. Then I went up to take my nap. When I woke up about an hour later, big scratching on the back and what have you, I thought, okay, mosquitoes. And I looked at my back, saw four or five bites. What looked like bites, raised skin. Thought, okay, mosquitoes. Went back into the bedroom and started going on a little hunting expedition, found three mosquitoes in the bedroom. And promptly killed them. Mosquitoes in the bedroom.

1:11:06🔗 Drew That's weird.

1:11:07🔗 Adam Okay, so never saw mosquitoes in the house before. Killed ten mosquitoes in the house today and took a small nap. Only happened when I was asleep, by the way, when the mosquitoes would bite you. I was up all day. I was around all day. Happened in this one short window, pow. Well, nothing's changed in the house.

1:11:25🔗 Drew I've never heard of three mosquitoes giving 30 bites. Well, that's a perfect symmetric pattern in your bag.

1:11:30🔗 Adam That's interesting. Now I'm going to have to take a look at that.

1:11:32🔗 Best Of Yeah.

1:11:33🔗 Drew You got to shine the light up. You can see the little bumps all over the place.

1:11:36🔗 Best Of All right. All right.

1:11:38🔗 Drew All right.

1:11:38🔗 Adam You ready?

1:11:39🔗 Drew Yep.

1:11:39🔗 Best Of All right.

1:11:41🔗 Caller Oh, hit the wrong one. Hit the wrong one.

1:11:43🔗 Drew You're all freaked out. These are the first hives.

1:11:46🔗 Adam You're never right. Danielle. Danielle.

1:11:53🔗 Yeah?

1:11:54🔗 Drew Here we go.

1:11:54🔗 Adam 17.

1:11:55🔗 Drew All right. So how old is your boyfriend?

1:11:59🔗 17. He's a day older than me.

1:12:01🔗 Drew And he asked you to marry him. What do you want to do about that?

1:12:06🔗 I have no idea because I have few complications with it.

1:12:10🔗 Caller What are they?

1:12:12🔗 Number one, his real family, like his real mom is in Puerto Rico. He's been here two years.

1:12:20🔗 Drew What's he doing here without his mom?

1:12:23🔗 His mom sent him up here to live with his dad and his stepmom so that he wouldn't get shot or caught up in drugs or something.

1:12:32🔗 Drew Okay. Which he had been caught up in when he was down there?

1:12:35🔗 No. He just wanted to make sure he didn't.

1:12:38🔗 Adam Well, how dare you? All cultures are exactly the same. There's just as much chance that he's going to get shot, caught up in drugs in the United States as he is in Puerto Rico.

1:12:45🔗 His cousins, his cousins who live with them are into that.

1:12:48🔗 Adam Coincidence. Well, there's people out here that are into that. I'm just saying there's no difference. We cannot judge. We can't judge.

1:12:55🔗 Drew That is your number one thing. What else you got?

1:13:02🔗 He has a biting issue.

1:13:05🔗 Adam That's what I got. I got bit. Bitten by the hives, that is.

1:13:09🔗 No, major biting. I've been in enormous bruises all over my body.

1:13:16🔗 Drew You're having sex with him?

1:13:18🔗 Yeah.

1:13:19🔗 Drew And he's biting you.

1:13:20🔗 Adam Where does he bite you?

1:13:21🔗 That's when he's like on my arms and my legs.

1:13:27🔗 Drew Why are you with this guy? I love him.

1:13:31🔗 Adam Yeah. What's in it for you? You got a Puerto Rican with an oral fixation. You can't do better than that? Please.

1:13:42🔗 I don't know what is wrong with him. He won't do it unless like I read him first but he holds my hands to where I can't move.

1:13:50🔗 Adam Oh, all right. Well, as long as he mobilizes you, that's fine.

1:13:56🔗 And then like he'll bite me back but he bites harder and I evidently booze easily.

1:14:03🔗 Drew I didn't hear the first and hear the first.

1:14:05🔗 Best Of She sounds like she's sick because she says like I booze easily. Yeah.

1:14:10🔗 Caller I do, please.

1:14:11🔗 Best Of And she's, is it, 17 and I booze.

1:14:14🔗 Drew Just think about Marilyn Monroe. I saw a movie about her that day.

1:14:16🔗 Adam Oh my God.

1:14:16🔗 Drew You know she was an IV drug, an IV demoral addict? IV. Yeah.

1:14:21🔗 Adam And Marilyn Monroe was definitely sexually abused.

1:14:24🔗 Drew She was actually abused profoundly and oh my, this movie went through all of it. It was just unbelievable. How do you keep that hidden?

1:14:30🔗 Adam I'm going to tell engineer Chris a joke that he's not going to get. It's going to be funny. It'll be funny.

1:14:35🔗 Best Of It's my favorite joke.

1:14:37🔗 Adam Engineer Chris.

1:14:39🔗 Best Of Yes.

1:14:40🔗 Adam Who was the last man to have sex with Marilyn Monroe?

1:14:46🔗 Best Of I don't know.

1:14:47🔗 Adam Thomas Noguchi.

1:14:50🔗 Best Of What? There you go.

1:14:51🔗 Drew It's a good one. I'm not sure Noguchi was in the time frames off a little bit.

1:14:59🔗 Adam It's my favorite joke. He's the LA County Coroner.

1:15:02🔗 Drew From circa 1978 though.

1:15:04🔗 Adam No, no. I think he may have been in there. Come on. Don't screw with the joke. See if Noguchi was... when did she...

1:15:13🔗 Drew 68? Oh no, no.

1:15:14🔗 Adam Wait a minute.

1:15:15🔗 Drew 65.

1:15:15🔗 Adam Ooh, 65.

1:15:16🔗 Drew Kennedy was still there. Must have been 62, 63.

1:15:19🔗 Adam Oh yeah, that's right. She... well, did she die after Kennedy? Before. Oh, because they think Kennedy killed him. Before. Oh, so now we're talking about 62 or maybe the same time. It's like 63. Okay. Find out when Thomas Noguchi was the Quincy of Los Angeles County. Danielle?

1:15:37🔗 Yeah?

1:15:38🔗 Adam This is going to take about four hours.

1:15:40🔗 Drew Don't marry this guy, A.

1:15:41🔗 Adam Yeah. What's wrong? Were you sexually abused?

1:15:45🔗 I was raped my freshman year.

1:15:47🔗 Drew No. Something happened when you were like three or four.

1:15:48🔗 Best Of Before that.

1:15:49🔗 Drew Somebody died.

1:15:50🔗 Best Of House fire.

1:15:51🔗 Adam No. House trailer fire.

1:15:54🔗 Best Of House trailer fire.

1:15:55🔗 Drew No sexual abuse when you were real little?

1:15:59🔗 No.

1:15:59🔗 Drew Physical abuse?

1:16:00🔗 Best Of Physical abuse.

1:16:02🔗 I had to watch my father be taking living crap out of my mother daily.

1:16:06🔗 Drew There you go. That'll do it.

1:16:09🔗 Adam Your dad's not a racist, huh?

1:16:12🔗 No.

1:16:13🔗 Drew We get the sense you want to get back at your dad.

1:16:15🔗 Adam What does your dad do for a living?

1:16:18🔗 He's a butcher, ironically.

1:16:20🔗 Adam He's a butcher. He's from Missouri. And he beats the crap out of your mom. But he's not racist.

1:16:29🔗 Drew What is it about your-

1:16:30🔗 Adam I'm not going to mention.

1:16:31🔗 Drew It seems to all go together. What is it about your boyfriend that your dad would hate?

1:16:38🔗 I have no idea. I don't speak to him.

1:16:41🔗 Drew You don't speak to your dad?

1:16:42🔗 Adam You don't speak to your dad.

1:16:44🔗 He's a sperm donor.

1:16:45🔗 Caller That's why my mom called him.

1:16:47🔗 Adam Okay.

1:16:48🔗 Drew She managed to keep him around to traumatize the crap out of you, though. And that means that this kid, this seven-year-old is probably a dad in the making.

1:16:56🔗 Adam My mom used to call my dad monkey nipples and I would vomit.

1:16:59🔗 Drew I'm vomiting just now.

1:17:00🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:17:00🔗 My mom can't give me any opinion on him because she died last year.

1:17:07🔗 Adam Oh, my God. This is very sad. Now, who do you live with?

1:17:11🔗 My grandmother.

1:17:13🔗 Adam Okay.

1:17:13🔗 Drew Were your parents addicts, alcoholics?

1:17:15🔗 No. My father was an alcoholic.

1:17:17🔗 Adam How did your mom die?

1:17:18🔗 Drew Your parents died?

1:17:19🔗 Adam No.

1:17:20🔗 Drew Just my dad.

1:17:21🔗 Adam What? Breast cancer?

1:17:23🔗 Yes, and it went to a liver.

1:17:25🔗 Best Of All right. Very sad.

1:17:28🔗 Adam So here's the deal, Danielle. You getting married at 17 is only going to dig in deeper. I don't trust this guy.

1:17:34🔗 Drew You're going to repeat the cycle. You will repeat the cycle.

1:17:37🔗 Adam Please don't get...

1:17:38🔗 Caller After college.

1:17:39🔗 Adam Okay. After college.

1:17:40🔗 Drew After graduate school.

1:17:41🔗 Adam By the way, if the idiots who called the show really meant they were to get married after college, you mean when you quit college, not when you've graduated college, because you didn't graduate college, you get married in your sixties.

1:17:53🔗 Caller Right.

1:17:54🔗 Adam You're not going to graduate.

1:17:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:17:56🔗 Adam Oh, if it was that way, be utopia. It's just when you get tired and stop going to college. Who's going to college?

1:18:05🔗 I was.

1:18:06🔗 Adam You were where? Junior college, right?

1:18:09🔗 No. Arizona State.

1:18:11🔗 Drew Arizona State from Missouri?

1:18:13🔗 Yeah. My mom, her dream was to go there.

1:18:17🔗 Drew So you go there now?

1:18:20🔗 For me to go there.

1:18:21🔗 Drew You're going to go there?

1:18:23🔗 Yeah.

1:18:24🔗 Adam How are you going to do that?

1:18:26🔗 I have a scholarship.

1:18:28🔗 Adam You have a scholarship to go to Arizona State? By the way, when you have a dream to go to a college in Arizona State, it's in the lower 25% academically.

1:18:40🔗 It was my mother's dream for me to go there.

1:18:43🔗 Adam Lower than the lower 25%? Wow. How did you get the scholarship? You're 17. Are you senior?

1:18:51🔗 Caller No.

1:18:52🔗 Drew What kind of scholarship is this? Wait, wait, wait. It does not compute. Hold on, hold on.

1:18:56🔗 Adam Okay, nothing's adding up here.

1:18:58🔗 Drew Here's a scholarship. It's going to be some sort of community thing to relocate so she can go live in Arizona.

1:19:05🔗 Adam She's in the, she is barely starting the 11th grade.

1:19:09🔗 Drew I know. It does not compute.

1:19:10🔗 Adam She want a scholarship to go to Arizona City?

1:19:12🔗 Drew No, no way.

1:19:13🔗 Best Of Is her parents dream or her mom's dream or what?

1:19:15🔗 Caller Okay.

1:19:17🔗 Adam Danielle.

1:19:19🔗 Best Of Tell us how this scholarship works.

1:19:22🔗 It's off of the state because of my mother dying. She was my sole supporter and since I've had A's and B's my entire life, mostly A's, it's underneath Social Security.

1:19:42🔗 Drew Yes. You will get some funds to go to college. What does that have to do with Arizona State?

1:19:47🔗 I had to pick between MU, KU and some other universities.

1:20:02🔗 Drew I understand that these states tend to share these phenomena but not Arizona. So what does Arizona State have to do with this?

1:20:10🔗 Yeah. That's the one that I originally picked. That's the one that I have a scholarship for.

1:20:16🔗 Adam Mazel Tov as they say in Missouri. Here's the thing, Daniel.

1:20:20🔗 Drew Only in Independence.

1:20:21🔗 Adam We love the idea of you going to Arizona State and pursuing your higher education.

1:20:26🔗 Drew Away from this guy. Right. Away.

1:20:29🔗 Adam Good. Do that on your own. You don't need this guy. I don't trust him. I don't like him. And your radar is off because all the abuse you've had and seen over the years. I feel bad but you know what? You're on a good path. Yes. You're not. Don't get pregnant. Keep your grades up high. Take them PSATs and them ASATs and them AAAAASTs and go to Arizona State, go far away to the desert.

1:20:53🔗 Caller That's good. Perfect for her.

1:20:54🔗 Best Of All right.

1:20:54🔗 Adam You got Thomas Noguchi there?

1:20:56🔗 Drew Yeah. He's the corner of the stars.

1:20:58🔗 Best Of Yeah.

1:20:58🔗 Drew But what years? He was 1967.

1:21:02🔗 Best Of Oh, I see.

1:21:02🔗 Adam Oh, I just missed him.

1:21:03🔗 Drew Until like 88 or something, right?

1:21:05🔗 Adam He's been around for a while.

1:21:06🔗 Drew Huh? He did celebrities including Marilyn Monroe. What? I mean.

1:21:10🔗 Best Of What?

1:21:11🔗 Drew I mean, he performed or oversaw autopsies.

1:21:14🔗 Adam Well, but yeah. Now see, Drew brings up a good point, which is I had my great Thomas Noguchi corner, you know, who's the last guy to have sex with Marilyn Monroe. Joke.

1:21:23🔗 Best Of Favorite joke.

1:21:24🔗 Adam On Thomas Noguchi. But if he came in at 60, I'm going to tell you something. He came in at 67. So Marilyn Monroe died. No, no, no. Possible. Marilyn Monroe died in 60, 63 or 62 or 63, whatever. Here's the thing. Noguchi must have worked as a corner or junior corner or the corner's office and became the corner.

1:21:47🔗 Best Of He started in 1961, but then...

1:21:49🔗 Best Of Yeah, there you go.

1:21:51🔗 Drew When did he stop? I don't know.

1:21:53🔗 Adam Let me tell you something about engineer Chris. You ring him like a bar rag. Did you get it? You get it. You get that drop out of him.

1:21:59🔗 Caller Oh, here, I'm reading it, you know.

1:22:00🔗 Best Of Yeah, no, that's cool.

1:22:01🔗 Drew That's the point.

1:22:01🔗 Best Of That's fine.

1:22:02🔗 Drew Yeah, reading is what we want.

1:22:03🔗 Adam All right, it's fundamental. We'll take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:22:09🔗 Caller Call Loveline, come read, Love One-Night-One.

1:22:13🔗 Caller Can you get addicted to aspirin?

1:22:15🔗 Caller All right, that's pretty accurate.

1:22:16🔗 Caller Loveline, be right back. Get your questions ready. More Loveline coming at you in a few. New Rock 1073.

1:22:43🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Drew and I are just on the World Wide Web. Drew, what did you find out?

1:22:51🔗 Drew Found out about somewhere between about three percent of the French Canadians get circumcisions while around 20-30 percent of the more Britishly oriented types tend to get it. And about 30 percent of Canada is either French or bilingual.

1:23:05🔗 Adam What was the number I gave, Drew?

1:23:07🔗 Drew 30.

1:23:08🔗 Best Of There you go.

1:23:08🔗 Drew There you go.

1:23:09🔗 Best Of You see.

1:23:10🔗 Drew I don't question you.

1:23:11🔗 Adam No, but based on nothing, that's what the genius is about, Drew.

1:23:16🔗 Drew Yeah, that's it. Never read about. That's how you know there's a genius.

1:23:19🔗 Adam That's how I know.

1:23:20🔗 Drew That's how I know you channel things, by the way.

1:23:22🔗 Adam That's what the genius is.

1:23:23🔗 Drew You have some kind of freaking.

1:23:24🔗 Adam Yes, yes.

1:23:25🔗 Drew Attachment to the chi or the. The Tao or something.

1:23:29🔗 Adam Thank you. Speaking of thank you, I want to thank engineer Chris for getting me a gift certificate. A Starbucks gift certificate and some cookies which is mom baked for us.

1:23:40🔗 Drew What's your mom's name? Carol. Carol. Thank you, Carol.

1:23:43🔗 Adam Thank you, Carol. Let me say this about the gift certificates. I was thinking about this. I go on this JAG every year.

1:23:49🔗 Drew New law in California. They cannot expire.

1:23:52🔗 Adam I know. It's not that new. It's been around a little bit.

1:23:55🔗 Drew Really?

1:23:56🔗 Adam Yes. Here's the thing, everybody. I believe we can take control of the gift certificates. This whole expiration thing, what does that mean if you really think about it? Somebody spends 100 bucks, 200 bucks.

1:24:08🔗 Drew It means like your cash expires. It's like this $100 bill expires after April 15th.

1:24:14🔗 Adam Yeah. Look, let me explain something to everybody. When people sort of hold all the cards, then they start making the rules, and the rules magically seem to benefit them.

1:24:26🔗 Drew That's right.

1:24:27🔗 Adam So here's what it is. You give them 100 bucks, and now they have the 100 bucks. Now it's time to start making the rules. Aha, this is going to expire in a year. You can't transfer it. No, oh, by the way, no change.

1:24:38🔗 Drew By the way, both the card and the paper bill, just symbols.

1:24:43🔗 Adam Right.

1:24:44🔗 Drew Not different.

1:24:45🔗 Adam Of the $100 that your aunt gave them so you could buy seating.

1:24:48🔗 Drew Yes, they're not different in some sort of substantive way.

1:24:51🔗 Adam Yes. I think what we need to do is we need to take back our streets when it comes to these bogus gift certificates. And let me, no, we don't, because let me say this. Let me say this. Well, first, no. I want change on my goddamn gift certificate. Let me say this. First off, they shouldn't be looking at gift horse in the mouth, these stores with the gift certificates, because I started thinking about it, like, if you make over a certain amount a year, it's probably less than 50% ever get used to the full extent. Now, you're ultra-cheap, Drew, so you're probably throw the curve off a little bit, but here's what I'm saying. Okay. Tell me if you disagree with that. Remember, this is a guy I knew, I can't screw that on you, so go ahead. 30%.

1:25:31🔗 Drew So why don't you just tell me what it is.

1:25:33🔗 Adam Okay. Zero to $20,000 a year, I'd say it's like 89 to 90% of that gift certificate gets used in one way, shape, or form or another. When you start getting over people that make like 75, 100 grand, 150 grand a year, the thing sits in their desk until it expires. You know what I'm saying? You got some boss that makes some pretty decent coin and you're going to give him a blockbuster thing for 30, 30 bucks at sitting in his desk. It is exactly the same as you going to the store, giving them $30 and saying, no, I want no merchandise in return. I'll just be leaving, take the $30. That's what happens more often than not. I would bet that as you get over 50 grand or maybe 75 grand, it probably starts getting down to about 50% usage. Keep in mind, half the stuff gets thrown out. Half the stuff just gets lost or thrown out. You get a gift certificate in your wallet for 300 bucks, your wallet gets lost, it's gone.

1:26:30🔗 Drew How is it we don't lose paper money but we lose gift certificates?

1:26:33🔗 Adam You can't. That's the other thing too. They have all these great rules that magically favor them, which is you lose the gift certificate because your wallet gets left in the cab. Oh, I'll just go replace the credit card and the gift certificate.

1:26:44🔗 Drew How often do you go to that store too? How often do you go to that store? It's not the store you go to. It's the store the guy wants to give the gift certificate to.

1:26:49🔗 Adam When you lose something, you never get it, you never get it. Ten percent probably gets tossed out with the paper wrappings around the Christmas tree or the office party or wherever it is. Then there's this one. You don't know what's on the card. See, they should put a little sticker on there that says like 4-26-2004-8972, so you know what's on the card. I always just assume, yeah, no, you know what's on the card to start with, but then you go, now if someone just gets you one for $15, well, it's kind of, you know, it's moot. But, hey, no, no, no, it's cool. No, but I'm saying is sometimes there's people who really love you and they get you like 300 bucks.

1:27:28🔗 Drew Yeah, it will get used.

1:27:30🔗 Adam It will get used.

1:27:31🔗 Drew It's too risky. It was a Starbucks card.

1:27:33🔗 Adam It will get used. It will get used to cut a nice line of blow for myself.

1:27:38🔗 Best Of And toot-ski, you know what I mean?

1:27:39🔗 Adam Chop it up.

1:27:39🔗 Caller Toot-ski.

1:27:41🔗 Adam Then I'll pick my D with it and throw it away. But it will get used.

1:27:44🔗 Drew No wonder you go at your nose so much.

1:27:45🔗 Adam It will get used. There we go. Come on, come on. Nose candy. Okay, here's my point. You'll get these cards sometimes. They'll have a couple hundred bucks on them. You'll go buy something for 50, 60 bucks. You'll never write it down. A year will go by, you'll be staring at the card. You'll have no idea what's on it. And you always just think the worst. Like there's nine dollars on here. I'm not going across town to use this thing again. And it just gets thrown in some drawer. I could make a deck, a playing deck of just sort of cards that are floating around. No one knows what they're for. I don't know what's on them. You have no idea. And then there's the expiration thing, which they try to pull on you. I like the part. So this must be a crazy windfall for businesses every year.

1:28:25🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:28:26🔗 Adam All right. Here's what I did. I went to the the Barneys in New York. Remember we used to get there?

1:28:29🔗 Drew I remember that.

1:28:30🔗 Adam I went sick on those people.

1:28:32🔗 Drew We used to use to give us a card every year.

1:28:34🔗 Adam Here's what I would like all of you people to do. That part where they don't give change is BS. And here's what you need to do. I suggest this strongly. Whenever someone gives you the policy, their policy, you give them your policy. And now you're at a Mexican standoff for policies. And there's nothing better, by the way. They go, I'm sorry, sir, but our policy is we don't give change on gift certificates. Wow, that's crazy. Because you know what my policy is? I always get change on gift certificates. That's my policy.

1:29:06🔗 Drew That's what you did at Barney's.

1:29:07🔗 Adam I was nuts. We got a gift certificate for $1,500. I spent like $1,487 over there and I wanted my $13 change. And they said, oh no. And then the other thing is, is then you go out and you find a belt that's $33 and you got to kick another $25 to get yourself over the top. That's the other thing they do. You got to spend to get up to your thing because otherwise, no, we don't give. We don't give change. So I said, look, you got a choice between finding something that's $13 and 39 cents or giving me the 13. Well, we don't give. Well, I don't pay one penny over it. So go find me a belt or some shoelaces or something. Go. Hot to it, Barry. And the guy looked and found nothing. So I said, no, I can get change. And they said, no. And we stood there for about an hour. I got the general manager on the phone. I don't even care about the money. I just don't act like it's not my money. See, that's what it does. Possession, everybody. Possession. That's why. That's why communism doesn't work. People need to be motivated. You do that thing where you order something, you pay in full and they tell you to be in it in about five weeks. Let's call them in seven and see if they even remember what you're talking about. No, it's half now and half on delivery. You need to motivate. Yes? Motivate. Motivate. Semper Fi. All right, thanks, buddy. Anderson.

1:30:31🔗 Drew Anderson.

1:30:32🔗 Adam Thanks, Chris.

1:30:33🔗 Drew That button's not working right now, sorry.

1:30:35🔗 Adam All right, you ready to rock?

1:30:35🔗 Drew Let's go.

1:30:36🔗 Adam Mm-hmm, threesomes?

1:30:37🔗 Drew We're talking about threesomes.

1:30:38🔗 Adam Let's go. Threesomes?

1:30:39🔗 Drew There we go.

1:30:40🔗 Adam Brad?

1:30:41🔗 Caller Yes.

1:30:42🔗 Adam 27?

1:30:43🔗 Caller Yep, what's going on, guys?

1:30:44🔗 Adam What's up?

1:30:45🔗 Caller Hey, I want to do, you know, shed some light. You know, all the calls that I heard earlier, no one seemed to really have, like, an explanation on why they do the threesomes and why they do that. I mean, obviously...

1:30:56🔗 Drew Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The threesome is one thing, but we asked why you'd bring another guy in and watch him with your wife. That's what he was sort of into.

1:31:05🔗 Caller Right. Well, I think, you know, me personally, you know, I would also, you know, be mortified to, you know, watch another guy, you know, do something with my lady. But ultimately, I think it's, I think it just boils down to a control. It's just a control issue.

1:31:21🔗 Drew And that's why you'd be motivated because you'd feel out of control.

1:31:24🔗 Caller No, no, I just think.

1:31:24🔗 Adam To control her.

1:31:25🔗 Caller Yeah, just to control her and to, you know, and control that situation because, I mean, me myself, you know, I've done some threesomes in the past with women. And, you know, male or female, I mean, a threesome is a threesome. And when I'm sitting back, you know, some...

1:31:40🔗 Adam Hold on a second.

1:31:41🔗 Drew Write that down.

1:31:43🔗 Adam Three dudes, if I'm one of the dudes.

1:31:45🔗 Drew Different than two girls and a guy.

1:31:46🔗 Best Of That's much different.

1:31:48🔗 Adam Listen, let me tell you something about a threesome. I don't even want to be there. I'd rather just be three dude, three chicks. You know what I mean?

1:31:54🔗 Drew Right.

1:31:54🔗 Adam But, but I have to be there, you know?

1:31:56🔗 Drew Right.

1:31:57🔗 Adam But those big, big difference between two chicks and you and, and, and let me, and two dudes and a dude and a chick. You know what I'm saying?

1:32:07🔗 Drew I'm not sure.

1:32:07🔗 Adam I want to hear more with Breslin.

1:32:09🔗 Drew So, Brad, you're saying it's a control issue to see a woman with a man?

1:32:13🔗 Caller Right. And I think that, you know, for...

1:32:15🔗 Drew Well, that's what Adam is kind of saying, is sort of control and degradation.

1:32:19🔗 Caller I just think it boils down to control. Because when I'm, you know, when I'm sitting, there's been times when I've actually been in the middle of a threesome, you know, two women and I'm sitting back going, man, I can't believe these chicks are doing everything that I'm telling them to do. Like, I'm just like tripping because I'm in the middle of this whole thing, but I'm controlling it. And I think that that's, you know, the pleasure part of it. I mean, sure, you know, sure the pleasure issue of it motivates all of us.

1:32:41🔗 Drew That's two women. That's totally different.

1:32:43🔗 Adam Look, yes, it is. No, I know. As per usual, glad is shined, no light on our query. But here's the thing. You want to know like why guys like anal sex. This is why. Yes. It's that who's in charge. Who's in charge. Lay down, let that guy make sex on you. I'll be over here fiddling with my dork. Let him have sex. Who's in charge.

1:33:12🔗 Drew What do they think of that woman? What does that woman doesn't exist to them or they don't know?

1:33:17🔗 Adam Think about people in general. You know what I mean? Think about guys in general. Guys want to be in charge and they display it in different ways.

1:33:24🔗 Drew It's in charge and they're sort of acting out. You know what I mean?

1:33:29🔗 Adam Yeah, but you want to know why so many guys are into the butt love.

1:33:33🔗 Drew I can understand that more than...

1:33:36🔗 Adam Yeah, I can too...

1:33:37🔗 Drew .than wanting to be with another man, their girl.

1:33:40🔗 Adam Yeah, no, I know. But it's an extension of the same impulse. For most guys.

1:33:48🔗 Drew Okay. All right. I'm accepting it. I just can't relate.

1:33:52🔗 Adam Most guys have an element. I'm grabbing a handful of your hair and you love it, bitch. You know what I'm saying?

1:33:58🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:33:58🔗 Adam Drew, yes.

1:33:59🔗 Best Of All right.

1:34:02🔗 Adam Man of passion. Man of passion.

1:34:05🔗 Drew But that's not degradation.

1:34:07🔗 Adam But it's... you know, these are... these are shades of gray.

1:34:11🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:34:12🔗 Adam You think about them. I mean, look. Okay. Most guys have the... I'm grabbing a handful of hair. I'm going to give a little slap on the behind, a little rough trade. All right? Most guys have it. Then the next step is a little backdoor action. I know it hurts, but you know what I mean? I'm in charge.

1:34:34🔗 Drew I think men...

1:34:35🔗 Adam I'm in charge.

1:34:36🔗 Drew You know what I mean?

1:34:36🔗 Adam Yeah. I think they kind of want to hurt women. Lay down with that guy. We're going to take a little break. And we'll be right back after this. Well, there you go. Two fabulous hours of the best of Loveline. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:35:15🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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