4:54🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Love Line. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1- Night Show, yeah, forget it. Hey, yeah, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Dixon Medicine Specialist, and tonight from Less Than Perfect, Will Sasso's here. Will?
5:14🔗
Oh, jeez.
5:16🔗
Will Sasso
Yeah. No, that was me throwing my own voice. That's the first funny bit of the ying.
5:32🔗
Drew
You know, my kids, they had Mad TV, like, continuously for the entire Christmas holiday, basically.
5:45🔗
Adam
That's a, he's a lot of Will. But the thing about it, the thing about it, too, is, is, I mean, it's nice when your kids have a sense of humor, right?
5:55🔗
Drew
Yeah. Is that good? It's, it's, it's an interesting dilemma for me, because, like, I got to monitor what they're watching. Some of it's, like, getting a little edgy. But I like the fact that they appreciate the humor and they're sort of...
6:05🔗
Will Sasso
It's good to get the kids going on, you know, crack jokes and sex and racism as early as possible.
6:12🔗
Adam
You know, you know what's weird, though? I remember as a kid, things either, they're funny or they don't register. Like, the dirt, like, I remember when I was a kid, I watched an episode of, I think it was Maud.
6:27🔗
Adam
By the way, you want to know why I hate my parents? That's it. That's what we had, kids. We didn't have satellite. We didn't have the internet. We had a black and white zenith sitting next to my overweight mom watching Maud.
6:41🔗
Adam
Oh, it's a big deal, yeah. And there was a joke somewhere in it where some, like, black guy came walking through or something and they said, is it true what they say about, you know, and I remember being 10 or something and going, I have no idea what they say. And then later on somebody told me or I figured it out or something, but it wasn't offensive, you know, it wasn't considered racy for me because I didn't know what it was.
7:09🔗
Will Sasso
I bet you laugh anyway. Oh, yeah. My older brother would have me sit through Monty Python when I was like, you know, six and then, you know, there'd be a joke with someone named BJ. Smegma and he would just laugh wildly and I go, yeah, yeah. And then you see it like a year ago and go, oh, that's right.
7:47🔗
Drew
Yeah. We have our auction going on here at karoque.com, the mother station here in Los Angeles. The auction is to raise money for tsunami survivors. And what you'll be bidding on is an opportunity to come up here and guest host or be a guest on Loveline. And Mr. Tom Burbeen, I guess you pronounce the name, has bid $11,000.
8:12🔗
Adam
Well, I will pay for it, Drew. I will pay for it out of the $5,000 that I lift off the $11,000. Now, I mean, Will, you're a businessman, you're a comedian, but you're a businessman.
8:22🔗
Adam
Here's basically what I'm saying. He's giving $11,000, but much of that is based on me, my presence, what I bring to the show. And if you had the old host of the show, you'd probably be bringing 20, maybe $2,500. I mean, let's be honest.
8:42🔗
Adam
I got it up. I got it up. Will's gonna be begging to leave in like 20 minutes. Please go. So will this guy, by the way. Oh yeah. That's gonna be, oh man, it's 11. Yeah, show ends at 12. Ah, I get the idea. I'm good. I got a radio in the Taurus. I'll be listening on the way back though. Drew, what a slap in the face. All I'm saying is, is I figure I got it up to 11 grand. I just want to wet my beak. You know what I'm saying? I'm not saying I want the lion's share of the money. I'm just saying I want to taste for the work I do.
9:16🔗
Will Sasso
That's all. Like you said, it's show business. It's not show show. It's show business.
9:21🔗
Adam
It's not show fun. It's not show charity. It's not show freebie. It's show business. And here's what I'm saying. I just want five grand. That's all. They get six and then I'll tell you what I do. I make an $80 donation from the five grand and we'll take this guy out to like an Arby's or like maybe even a TGI or something like that. An appetizer or something like that for the show, right? Perfect. All right. And again, here's what I'm saying. I stay at five. We could go up to 15. I'm still at five until we get to 18 and then I jump to seven, seven, five, seven, five. All right. You ready?
9:58🔗
Yes.
10:05🔗
Adam
They didn't have the $6,000. Should I keep that too? You want me to take the whole $11,000? Is that what you want?
10:17🔗
Drew
By the way, did you hear today that there's some organizations in Indonesia that don't want Americans or American money because it will diminish the radicalization of the Muslim communities there, and they want to blame the Americans for having dropped bombs in Iraq because that's what caused the earthquake?
10:32🔗
Adam
Well, I thought it was like nuclear testing, like out in the ocean or something like that. Well, look, I'm sure there's some things where there's like no Jews on the beach when the tsunami hit. I would love... Well, hold on a second. Let me just say this. You have people that essentially are, you know, on the evolutionary scale several thousand years earlier than us. We should really study them to see how man lived back then. Secondly, they have a retarded religion. Now, I'll be at... Our religion is fairly retarded, too. But theirs is mega retarded. They're praying to some this. They got the virgins. So is it surprising when they have these bizarre beliefs?
11:16🔗
Adam
You know what, Drew? I'm now taking $5,500. We are splitting this. I do not need some guy buying a VX nerve gas with this money.
11:26🔗
Will Sasso
Well, the more you take, the less money they have to worry about. And the less they have to serve us.
11:37🔗
Yes.
11:44🔗
Yes.
11:48🔗
Caller
Well, I've been looking into different forms of birth control, and I was wondering what your opinion is on IUDs.
11:55🔗
Drew
I'm fearful of them, but this is one practitioner's point of view, because I saw so many horrible problems with tubal infections and stuff when I was in training. Apparently, now they're back, they're safe, the kinds of IUDs they have look good. They are viable means. They're particularly good if you've had one or two kids. Why? Because then the risk, the fertility risks are really not an issue, but even so, they're thought to be limited, if at all.
12:21🔗
Drew
Right, they were there quite safe now. But I will tell you the one thing that you might think about if you have any sort of philosophical point of view, this is an abortifacient. This is something that prevents implantation. That's how that works.
12:33🔗
Drew
And why don't people attack the IUDs? They attack the morning after pill, but not the IUD.
12:50🔗
Drew
It's just this little 7-shape thing that slips into the uterus. And it looks like one of those new paperclips.
12:59🔗
Drew
And they have progesterone and things on them that affect the way sperm gets to the egg and the way the egg implants. And they don't implant once it's been fertilized.
13:06🔗
Drew
Yeah. There you go. Sounds easy to me. So, everybody that wants to attack the Mourney Abtville, please direct your attention somewhere that actually has a philosophically consistent problem.
13:37🔗
Drew
I forget how often they come out about, what, every nine months or so? Is that right? I wouldn't...
13:57🔗
Adam
We're in an anchor in you. Listen, here's the thing with the IUDs. I know this sounds crazy, but we're in such a litigious society, especially when it has to do with anything medical, we'll sue over stuff that isn't actually dangerous. Something that pulled off the market because it was dangerous and redesigned.
14:27🔗
Adam
No, I'm that way about flying. I wanna fly the last plane that crashed, because I know they check the hell out of these things now. That's how I move. You know? I'm eating a McRib, I got my IUD in, and I'm in that Alaskan airliner that crashed in the Pacific. Perfect. That's how I roll, Drew.
14:45🔗
Adam
Smart. Yeah. All right. Erica? Yeah, where did, how long has the McRib been gone? Five years? Really?
14:59🔗
Adam
I haven't either. I get the feeling it's probably the same one. Probably from the same cow that was killed in 79.
15:08🔗
Adam
No, I know they're back. I'm just, the question is, is what, how long was it gone? Because I think they went away for a while. I have a, I have trouble with meat that's formed like meat. Right. Once you break it down, it's got to become meatloaf or a patty. When you then try to shape it into a chicken, or drumstick or pig or something, now we got problems.
15:42🔗
Adam
It does fall into the potato and okra and family. You're right, but yeah, beef is weird and pork is creepy.
15:57🔗
Adam
This is a mistake the Mexicans make, Will. When they open a butcher, butchery, a butcher shop, a house of butch, the point is that they have actually drawings of Mr. Pig with an anvil or an axe or something.
16:12🔗
Adam
A hatchet. He's chasing Mrs. Pig with a lipstick on. You know, she's wearing a bonnet. I don't like to look at the things I eat as actual folks I might see in church.
16:23🔗
I don't want them to have names.
16:30🔗
Drew
We don't want to also form into anything that might remind us of anything. Yeah. The pig just stays shredded.
16:36🔗
Adam
The general concept of eating your buddies, like when the Shrek cereal comes out, is kind of a weird one for kids. If you think I'm going to eat you, I'm going to pulverize you with my incisors and then I'll crap you right into the toilet. What do you think of that Shrek? You're my best buddy.
16:52🔗
Adam
Drew, what if adults aren't their best friends? I just start gnawing on you. And when I took a bite out of a Kimmel.
17:08🔗
Adam
Yeah. Little Jimmy simulating the hair on the back there. Yeah, the Kimmel-Os. All right. Erica, you're 21?
17:36🔗
Caller
Well, I have herpes and I wanted to know, like, is that going to give me any complications during when I decide to get pregnant?
17:51🔗
Drew
I thought it was a bigger deal. And it looks like it's something that's pretty easy to take care of.
18:19🔗
Drew
We talked to a 19-year-old a couple of nights ago. Remember she was freaking out about finding out she had herpes? Remember that? Was it tough to deal with this? How's it been? Maybe she's still losing it.
18:28🔗
Caller
Well, actually, when I first found out, I was really upset and now that I have it, like it's not as bad as you think it is.
18:40🔗
Drew
It's always been my point, people freak out about this disease. We're talking about a skin rash, basically. It's like not that big of a deal.
18:45🔗
Adam
I know. Well, you know, we talked many years ago, it's the name, I think, that freaks everyone out.
18:54🔗
Drew
I think maybe the serial names might even be better than Happies. A nice, happy, you know, it's like a happy serial name for it.
20:05🔗
Drew
Well, not just flexible, the image, the rousing image of women become sort of a sexualized image for everybody. Yeah. And by the way, I think, I've noticed that women sort of are aroused by seeing other women being aroused and enjoying themselves. Is that the kind of thing you think about, Haley? Yes. Yeah, it's not so much that they're thinking of the woman sexually. Michelle, bear this out for me. It's not just you're thinking about them as a sexual object that's desired the way a man would, but it's just sort of arousing to watch another woman enjoy herself having sex, that kind of thing. Michelle, give me a yes. You're a lesbian.
20:52🔗
Adam
Hold on a sec. God, this is what I love about women. Women are like, I had a dream last night. It was a fantasy. A man came in and he loved me. Who was he? Who was it? Brad Pitt? No, he didn't have a head.
21:13🔗
No, I don't know who it was.
21:15🔗
Adam
I didn't know who he was. Well, what do you mean? He's not on TV or anything? No, it was just this sort of mystic orb came in. He didn't actually make contact with me.
21:25🔗
It's like, what?
21:40🔗
Drew
Yep. Men and women in functional MRI machines and showing them arousing images and see how their brains respond. Very interesting.
21:57🔗
Drew
Now, I was thinking about this. You were talking about, remember you've mentioned many times how when you're going through the pornographic material at a video store where you're going through the big top stuff that you like and then you hit the gay material and how that transition affects you viscerally.
22:26🔗
And then the Video Hanger.
22:27🔗
Adam
I want them to put Cone's up before you get to the gay stuff because, you know, like a Caltrans project or something.
22:34🔗
It is too easy to wander into the gay stuff.
22:37🔗
Adam
You're walking, you got, here's the thing about, here's the thing when you're in the porn store. You can't be like a middle linebacker who's dropping back in the past coverage. You're gonna see somebody you know. You have to be very focused, very straight.
22:51🔗
Adam
Yeah, same posture as at the urinal. You know, you're not swinging your head around. You're just straight looking. And it's weird once in a while you make contact with somebody. You never say, excuse me or sorry or watch it. And you just sort of slowly move around the guy. But that's it. And you walk down the shelf, which you know, 60 feet long and say, yeah, and you start getting into these things. You know, you get into it. You got the anal stuff. They start getting into big jug stuff. And you start getting into the gang bang stuff. And then, you know, and then also the amateur stuff and the amateur stuff. And then, well, well, it's right in the midget. The midget and the amateur stuff. And then, you start drifting into the gay stuff. But it has to register. It's like, yeah, it's like, whoa, look at those three dudes giving it to that chick real hard.
23:38🔗
Oh, oh, oh, oh, God, Christ, oh.
23:42🔗
Drew
That reaction. That's what you have. That's the reaction I want to discuss. Because we have been sort of scrutinized for that as like, oh, you're not, how dare you. You react to male, male, male.
23:51🔗
Drew
Yeah, that's homophobic. And how dare you say that men who are heterosexual react that way to gays. They don't react that way to heterosexual. But you know what I thought this morning, I thought to myself, you know what this reaction is? This is the same reaction you have when you think about your parents having sex. It's the exact same reaction.
24:15🔗
Oh, oh, oh.
24:21🔗
Adam
You can't get to my dad's ass and never leaves his sofa. You have to go in from under the sofa. You have to bore a hole in the sofa pillow.
24:31🔗
Drew
His receiving skills may be similar to yours, who knows? But be that as it may, isn't that interesting though? It's the same, that's the reaction.
24:40🔗
Adam
And I'll take it a step further, because, you know, like as if I'm pissed people off enough with needing the five grand off the eleven. I claim for the visceral reaction that straight men have to gay relations, there should be more gay bashing. There's not enough. For the reaction that guys have.
25:04🔗
Drew
I'm with you, but there's the same argument about the people with their parents thinking, well, what's the big deal? You're an adult. You can't get that out of your system.
25:14🔗
Adam
That's in you. I'm not saying gay bashing is a good thing. I'm saying I'm surprised it isn't all over the evening news every night, given most guys' reaction to gay love.
25:30🔗
Will Sasso
I don't know about the parents having sex thing, because thinking of your own parents having sex, but your friend's parents having sex is like 180 the other way and just hilarious.
25:44🔗
Will Sasso
Yes. But talking to your friends about maybe their parents. Well, that's actually where your parents, maybe they're upstairs having sex.
25:51🔗
Adam
Well, that's just like them stepping in crap versus you stepping in crap. It's super funny when it happens.
25:56🔗
Will Sasso
So by that notion, then your friend involved in a gay gang bang is hysterically funny.
26:03🔗
Will Sasso
Yeah, that is, if you wandered in and you saw that on the cover of the book. It would be hilarious. I'm starting to get it.
26:10🔗
Adam
Yeah, you're looking at cult roundup and it's like, Rick? Oh, no, I would find that deeply disturbing. Deeply disturbing.
26:20🔗
Adam
I would laugh, but I'm fine. And I'm just saying straight guys find gay depictions of...
26:25🔗
Drew
But isn't that interesting though? But what, you know, the trick is to figure out what are those two things? And why are they the same reaction? It's very interesting when you really think about it.
26:36🔗
Drew
And maybe there's something in it about those kinds of relationships. I don't know, I'm just thinking about it this morning. I'll figure it out.
26:42🔗
Adam
Well, I mean, the obvious answer is God didn't want guys to, you know, bang each other in the can and they certainly didn't want your parents to get it on. I'll tell you that. The Almighty did not want any of that happening.
26:55🔗
Adam
All right, Will Sasso is here tonight from Less Than Perfect 930 ABC, Friday Night, TGIFriday. And what was I trying to change that to, Drew? TGF and Friday. Instead of TGIFriday, give it a little edge to it. TVF and Friday. Drew? I'm down. We will take ourselves a little break. We'll come back and speak to Michelle with a little Germany or Florida. Oh, it's Michael. Sorry. Michael for Germany or Florida. After this. Loveline.
27:28🔗
Okay, wait, wait.
27:32🔗
Adam
We'll be right back. Yeah, it's Loveline. I'm not talking while the door is shutting anymore. junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior Producer Lauren, you gotta bring the stuff in before the mic's heated up.
28:08🔗
Drew
She, though, told me a very disturbing story before the show, before the mic's heated up, about how she had given, via normal, spontaneous, vaginal delivery, birth to her cocker spaniel, in great detail.
28:23🔗
Caller
junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior Producer Lauren thinks she gave birth to her cocker spaniel?
28:41🔗
Adam
All right, listen, everyone in radio is a nut job, except for Drew. Will Sasso is here from Less Than Perfect, 930, ABC, part of the TGFF lineup. And now Will can be pretty much just seen in perpetuity on Mad TV, yes?
29:07🔗
Will Sasso
A half hour for Crank Yankers and a half hour for Chappelle and then the rest of the 23 hours.
29:17🔗
Adam
That's it. When we left off, we're going to do a little Germany or Florida with Michael.
29:29🔗
Nothing. I just want to say, guys, I loved your show and Will, I love you on Mad TV.
29:35🔗
Thanks. All right. So I got a Germany or Florida for you guys.
29:38🔗
Adam
Will, here's how the game is played. He says the wacky story and we guess, is it Germany or Florida? Because all bizarre stories emanate from either Germany or Florida. Neat. Yeah. Michael?
29:52🔗
All right.
29:53🔗
Caller
A couple staying inside of a motel on February 10th, 1994, began to complain to the manager about a rancid smell in their room. They had been complaining for a few days until the couple gave up and began searching the room for the source of the smell. After maybe three hours of searching, they turned the bed over and discovered a rotting corpse in a secret compartment under the mattress. It turns out that the corpse had already reached the stage of advanced decomposition. Police discovered that the killer had hid the victim there and lived with it for over four weeks. There was another corpse that was discovered under the floorboards in the bathroom.
30:31🔗
Adam
The motel feels Floridian, but the stash in the body, living in the motel, living in the motel is Florida. That feels Florida. Floorboards feel Germany.
30:46🔗
Adam
No, you can't do that. It's against the Geneva convention, Florida and Germany. No, it's there.
30:55🔗
Will Sasso
I don't know about the whole staying in a hotel in Florida thing. I would think that you'd be, you know.
31:18🔗
Adam
Wow. I was gonna go Florida too, but I had three Floridas, that's not good radio. I'm going Germany. Screw you. Yeah? I'm going Germany.
31:33🔗
Adam
I love this kid's enthusiasm. By the way, he's 14. What's over under on him getting laid? 29?
31:39🔗
Drew
Yeah, I thought 28. But the other thing, the other thing against Florida is we would have heard of this if in Florida I would think.
31:44🔗
Oh, that's a good point.
31:45🔗
Adam
Oh, but hold on. We say that all the time and we never do. They kill some runaway, some strung out hooker, some junkie hooker gets killed in Florida. You got it? What? X-Tree, X-Tree, hooker killed in Florida. What do you think? You think that's what goes on? You don't know anything, Drew. You don't even know, you don't even know Bush pardoned the turkey on the lawn of the White House. You're right. I told you. That's 48 years running.
32:09🔗
Will Sasso
I'm going to have to, you know, I think it could have been some frat prank or something during spring break, you know. Yeah, that would suggest Florida.
32:41🔗
Adam
All right there, brother man. He's good people at Michael. Big things out of him. But just don't expect any lady friends for a little while. That's all. He'll have a payday.
32:55🔗
Adam
Gets a little older, gets the new frames for the glasses. Shoes are squared off on the front. And then it's payback time, by the way.
33:06🔗
Adam
No. It's payback time with the ladies. So you know what I'm talking about? Guys got a lot of love stored up in a little anger. A little.
33:17🔗
Adam
Yes? Hold on. You know what I'd love? You know, here's the kind of society I want to live in. Like, once in a while, I just wish women could see the pictures of these guys when they were in high school.
33:30🔗
Adam
Super cool patrol. I was walking into, like, a coffee bean and tea leaf thing tonight. And I saw this guy sitting there and he's wearing this sort of smoked purple shades with no rims on him, you know? And he's got, like, the goatee and the earring and he's got the beanie pulled down nice and low. And he's wearing a suede jacket and some boots and he just, he just looked like, you know, Brad Pitt playing Joe Cool in some movie. And I thought, I'd love to see this puss in high school. I know he's wearing a Reds batting helmet, like a Belor Kennington shirt, you know? And women, they don't know. They don't see the transformation. They don't realize how goofy the guy was. And by the way, much like ice, much like vanilla ice, one minute you're wearing, you know, you're wearing MC Hammer's pants, and you got train tracks shaved in your eyebrows, and then all of a sudden you're full of tats, and you look like Fred Durst. These guys just change, they change with the wind. Women buy right into it. They should be penalizing these guys for this crap.
34:37🔗
Will Sasso
I think also along those lines, the new kid in school, the new boy, is usually the dork from another school. It could be part of the reason he left. But when he shows up with his mullet and his letterman jacket from the other school, he's automatically cool. Mostly because all the guys hate him immediately. All the chicks love him.
34:58🔗
Adam
I'm just saying, think all the nerdy agents and managers and these Hollywood types, oh publicists, thank God they're all gay. But you see him over at William Morris and CAA, they've got the cool frames, they're wearing the black suits, they've got the $400 shoes and they're super slick, but you know, they were just like colossal nerds in high school, just pimply faced with bad rims and wearing like a yarmulke in the class every day, there was duct tape to their head, and the crap kicked down by everyone on the football team. And now, chicks think they're super cool. They're still the insecure nerd, they just, they're leasing, they're leasing a Mercedes. You girls shouldn't fall for this.
35:40🔗
Drew
This is all- Well, nor should they fall for the brooding guy wearing black with the safety pins through his nose when he's 18.
35:46🔗
Adam
Same jackass. You girls should be looking at guys' high school pictures. That's how you decide who the real McCoy is, yes?
36:00🔗
Adam
No, super nerdy. I was a rebel. I actually rode a motorcycle in, not to school, but into the class.
36:16🔗
Adam
I would call the teacher Daddy O. And I would do this Squaresville thing a lot with them. And I'd announce I'm out of here all the time. I just, wherever I was, I'm out of here. Yeah, but you just left and came over here.
36:33🔗
I'm out of here. I'm out of here.
36:36🔗
Adam
That's what I do. I announce I'm out of here. Fire up the bike. Pow. Right down the hall. Leather Jack. I was like Fonzie. Oh, maybe that is Fonzie, I'm thinking.
37:02🔗
I just first want to say you guys are awesome. I hope you never stop doing what you're doing.
37:14🔗
What's up? I have a quick question. Every once in a while when I have an orgasm, I get this insane headache, like really, and then it goes away like after a half hour. But it only happens once in a while, and I want you to know if it was something I seriously learned about.
37:34🔗
No.
37:36🔗
No. I mean, I get headaches, but I don't think like the clinical, I've never been diagnosed with migraines or anything.
37:45🔗
Not that I know of, no.
37:48🔗
Drew
We have in a while, yeah. But the fact is it's a fairly common experience of this sort of post-orgasm headache or during orgasm headaches. I don't understand them very well. I believe there's a migraines component to them. It's something always to get looked into because it can be signs of other things, but the probability is it's just one of these common problems that's just unpleasant. I've never treated this, but I wouldn't be surprised if neurologists might be using the anti-migraines medication to help you with this.
38:14🔗
You said it's something that I should look into.
38:16🔗
Drew
I would just because it could be something a little more serious, and it's important to get it checked out. Think of the aneurysms and things like that, the occasional.
38:25🔗
Adam
Once in a while in high school I'd rumble, you know, with the Mexicans, and they'd pull a knife and I'd go, do it!
38:32🔗
Do it!
38:33🔗
Adam
I'd beg them to stab me. You don't get the guts! And then one of them stabbed me in the ass. So I stopped.
38:44🔗
Adam
You went from rumbling to rambling. And then after high school I became a rambling man, but I had a small rambling range. It was just about, it was about half a block.
38:54🔗
Adam
Yeah, I said, I gotta ramble over the other end of the street. Sorry, baby. I'd love to stay and love you, but I gotta ramble down to where the cul-de-sac is. You'll probably see me from your place. And then I would ramble back. A very tight rambling territory. And again, wouldn't ramble at first sun. I'd ramble about one in the afternoon.
39:15🔗
Will Sasso
That's a great thing about rambling, though. There's no rules for rambling how far.
39:24🔗
Adam
I don't know. That's the thing about rambling. No rambling guy goes, get on the 405 South, and I take that to the 110 Harbor Shave. Then what I do is I get on the sloths and cut off right there, and then I'll get off on exposition. I'll take that about three miles down. Now that's not how you ramble. You just head toward the sun. You ride, you gotta head into the sun. Then you go, it's a good shot. Get on that bike and ramble into the sun. You don't give like long-winded, you don't like MapQuest, you're rambling. That's not for rambling. You don't know where you're going. And listen, I can't tell my ladies where I'm rambling because I don't want them to like post ramble. I need them to ramble after me. Because I'll be giving some other, check my rambling speech, when the other one interrupts with, oh, you didn't ramble that far. Hey, he rambled on it. And I'll be like, oh, this is uncomfortable. Now I really have to ramble. That's gonna be my next song, Drew.
40:23🔗
Adam
Yeah, like before, I was a rambling guy. Now I'm really a rambling guy. You know what I mean?
40:32🔗
Adam
Really having to ramble now. Yeah, seriously rambling guy. And Drew, we decided that black guys don't ramble, but the roll, the rolling stones. A black man who's a rambler is a rolling stone. Rolling stone, yeah. It's a form of rambling.
40:50🔗
Adam
Yeah, you need a horse or a motorcycle to ramble. The black guys drive custom vans. You know, that's more of a rolling stone. You know what I'm saying? Okay, Drew, we got that straightened out?
41:01🔗
Adam
Black guy, custom van, rolling stone. White guy, motorcycle ramble. Where are the Mexicans? They hang out.
41:09🔗
Adam
They do a little rambling and a little rolling. But they do it with a group of guys. It's a group ramble. Yeah?
41:27🔗
Adam
All right. We will take a little break. Will Sasso here tonight from Less Than Perfect 930 ABC. We'll be right back after this.
41:54🔗
Adam
Yeah, you guys are lucky because I was this close to rambling during that commercial, Drew.
42:10🔗
Adam
Rambling, you have to ramble. But I probably get like an ISDN line set up in a Zephyr and just broadcast wherever I ramble from.
42:33🔗
Drew
Not just planning, but you're actually being responsible when you ramble. And that's poser.
42:38🔗
Adam
Well, I just I got broadcast to do. I'm saying I'm going to need an ISDN line. If I'm rambling, I'll do, you know, set it up at a sports bar and broadcast from there. But I still get to ramble.
42:48🔗
Adam
OK, maybe a point. Maybe I won't. They will run the best of when I ramble. Oh, I shouldn't even think of that. That's up to you guys. You see what you want to do, man. I'm rambling. It's not my choice.
43:02🔗
Adam
Yeah, I think I will announce that. What are we up to? We still $11,000 with the like, again, really, actually, that's that's that's a net. I mean, the gross $11,000, the net's gonna be $6,000.
43:22🔗
Drew
put up an insane amount of money. Apparently, he's from Boston. They've talked to him to make sure he's a real guy that has the money.
43:36🔗
Adam
I am going to treat this man like a king and then ramble. Yeah, but I may ramble and get him some like honey roasted nuts or something and come ramble back.
43:45🔗
Will Sasso
You may not even have to come here. I mean, you may ramble all the way to Boston. There's no rules.
43:55🔗
Will Sasso
You could be over. You could be in Chicago eating bacon and eggs with gangsters by this time tomorrow. No one knows where you'll be.
44:23🔗
Drew
For all we know, it could be some crazy spelling where it's, you know, like chrysanthemum or something.
44:50🔗
Caller
Last night, I was having sex with my boyfriend and while he was still in me, I was sitting on his lap and I fell backwards.
45:00🔗
Caller
I fell backwards. He started like crying like he was in pain, not crying. But he's like, I think something popped. And I don't know if I broke his penis or not. Yeah.
45:15🔗
Drew
Yeah, that's the time to ramble your down. But now that's actually a, what he does is tear the ligament there that holds the pain, suspensory ligament.
45:46🔗
Drew
And that's fine. But he probably didn't. There is actually a fracture of the penis itself.
45:59🔗
Adam
I'm just saying the guy's got a bad wheel once you sit him out of game. Playoffs are coming up.
46:09🔗
Adam
Although you tell that to a 16-year-old, that gives him a boner. Drew, when you're 16, you're just like, I think we're going to take a day off. I wouldn't want to.
46:22🔗
Drew
Honey, I don't want to hurt you. I'm going to have to leave you alone. Oh, that felt good.
46:28🔗
Well, we said, that was good.
46:33🔗
Adam
Do you want to go for a round too? You can't tell a six-year-old guy who's getting laid that you got to leave him alone sexually.
46:44🔗
Drew
All right, Chris Ann, here's the deal. You can actually fracture the penis itself. The shaft can be broken. And I've actually talked to Dr. Alter about this because we are trying to get, listen, I actually am putting out a plea. We need to talk to a male who's actually had his penis fractured for this Discovery Health program I'm working on.
47:01🔗
Drew
Where it actually, the actual, the camera's body fractures and what you get is these big, big hematomas in them and they don't get erected. Yeah, so they have to be repaired surgically after that.
47:22🔗
Caller
I wanted to take him to the doctor, but he's scared his parents will find out and everything. And I'm just like, well, it's broken.
47:27🔗
Drew
Well, the parents can't find out. Yeah, you should take him. The parents can't find out. It's against the law for the doctor to share any information with the parents.
47:39🔗
Drew
Like I said, it's one of these things. It gets a little better, but it usually just hangs a little differently.
47:48🔗
Drew
No, it doesn't change. It doesn't harm it. It doesn't change it though. It's what they cut to the Lincoln guy's penises. Some people get it actually.
48:01🔗
Caller
No, I asked him if it's like a different color. He's like, well, it's a little bit more red. And I'm like, well, hey.
48:22🔗
Adam
All right. You got to use birth control because you guys get it on like 28 times a week.
48:36🔗
Drew
I might want to look into something. That's great and all, but you should at least keep the morning after pill around because condoms don't work.
48:41🔗
Adam
You're going to 800 bucks worth of condoms a week when you're in high school. That's a lot of papers you got to deliver. You got to move a lot of grit.
49:01🔗
Adam
All right. It's creepy, but I'll go for it. Chrisanne? Gone. She's on top of the guy. Yeah, but you know...
49:09🔗
Drew
Most traditional girls, sex is like, now they're here, now they're there for them. It's like, he likes it, I'll do it for him.
49:14🔗
Adam
They like the part about being desired, and yeah, the intimacy, and all the sort of relationship stuff, but you know, that's all... Here's the thing, I mean, here's the reality. All the cuddling, hand-holding, and all this kind of stuff, pending for your thoughts, stuff that the guys do, is just a road to get to the sex, and the sex is just a sort of necessary evil for all that stuff for the women.
49:41🔗
Adam
In order to get all their stuff. That's why when the guys slide into their comfort zone eight months into the relationship, and it just becomes about sex, the chick's pissed off, because you've now trimmed all the fat, but to her, that was her favorite part of the meat.
49:55🔗
Drew
That was the reason for the relationship. You struggle close to home there for a while, and you're like, oh, I'm uncomfortable.
50:04🔗
Adam
I would say that maybe more than ever. I don't know why I say more than ever, but I think there's more 16-year-olds out there than you're willing to admit, Drew, that just kind of dig it. They're into it. Girls? There'll be animals at 22, and you have to take a hose to them at 35.
50:24🔗
Drew
Listen, we talked a lot of 16-year-olds, and this was one that was kind of into it, and it felt reasonable. It was no big deal. We never talked to that person.
50:35🔗
Adam
I think there's a fair, like looking back in high school and stuff like, there's a fair amount. I never got any of them, but there was a fair amount of chicks that had their boy, you know, like getting it on.
50:44🔗
Drew
That's what your perception of was. Again, when I go to colleges, there's all kinds of confusion. They really are mostly sort of, eh.
50:51🔗
Adam
Yeah. You got to bang a couple hundred chicks before you find one that gets into it. I'm with you. Now, I've been, Drew and I do go to those colleges. Like you got to go through a whole sorority house before you find one that's, you know, not fake in the O. I'm with you, buddy. I'm with you. We'll take a little break. Will Sasso here tonight. Will had no idea what to make of that last exchange. He's like, I thought he was married. Well, whatever. Lesson perfect. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. What, you want me to drop Trowell? I'll drop Trowell.
52:45🔗
I will drop Trowell, I will lube up my joint, I'll put it in your ear, and I will reach climax.
52:53🔗
Adam
Eight, 29, 29, the homoerotic DJ that crosses the line every once in a while, but does it quickly, and he gives a time out every time, right when he gets to that point where he's gonna get fired, yeah, sir?
53:09🔗
Adam
Let me tell you how, you know how I like to get pre-miserable? Like I like to start thinking about what I have to do Monday on Friday.
53:26🔗
Adam
It's such a letdown. It's like, that feeling, you know, as the Super Bowl party is breaking up, it's really bad when it's a bad game and it's sort of over midway through the third quarter and it's like you already start, you see the chicks are busting the chips already, like things are, and it's like, this is it.
53:44🔗
Will Sasso
Last year with Carolina as an expansion team, it just doesn't even feel like a real show.
53:51🔗
Adam
You want it to be, you know, Dallas, Pittsburgh sort of thing. You don't want to be a couple of guys here. Oh, well the guys were in the fuchsia and the magenta, the teal guys in the cobalt. Yeah. And then the guy with just a black fist on their helmet, that team, screw YD, those guys, it's like, what? This looks like Canadians at best, maybe Arena League stuff.
54:19🔗
Adam
What's with the teal? And here's what I'm sure they did. They talked to a bunch of retarded 15 year olds and said, what's your favorite color?
54:32🔗
Will Sasso
Make everything teal. I heard a fashion, sort of some fashion dude or something, covering, they were doing a sports thing about uniforms, best and worst uniforms, and this guy stuck up for Jacksonville Jaguars uniforms, which are some of the ugliest. They're ridiculous, and he said in 10, 15 years, we're going to look back and they're going to be classic.
54:50🔗
Adam
No, here's what I think you do, especially when you enter the league, when you're an expansion team, instead of going, hey, everyone, look at me, I'm new, I'm bold, I'm an arena team, you should go old school, you should do a sort of a Coltsy kind of thing, just two colors, white, and that way, you sort of slip in under the radar. It's like, you know what it's like?
55:36🔗
Will Sasso
If I ever had a franchise, they would be purple and brown. Those would be the colors. Just the two colors that don't go together.
55:50🔗
Adam
Yeah, and the stripe doesn't continue into the pants. Not wide, at least. It can be a thin one.
56:00🔗
Will Sasso
I agree. And it has to be an animal. Have you noticed in the NFL, all the teams end with an S. There's no heat in the NBA.
56:13🔗
Adam
And underutilized, let me tell you, underutilized in NFL and sports in general, the hippos. Hippo, dangerous animal.
56:22🔗
Adam
Hippos and rhinos. Hippos kill more people than snakes and bullets and spears and aids all combined in Africa. You didn't know that, Drew?
56:32🔗
Adam
Hippos are maniacs. So they'd like you to believe they're friendly, lovable animals who like wear tutus and dance around, but they're vicious, vile beasts. They really are, and they're heavy. You know what I mean? You got a hippo.
56:47🔗
Adam
You got a hippo. Drew, write this down, by the way. Disney movie where I get a hippo to play nose tackle, okay?
57:17🔗
Adam
And by the way, that's my pitch to the Disney company. You realize how much money you guys made over the mule that kicked field goals? You're telling me the hippo that plays nose tackle is farther fetched than this? Please.
57:47🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, we dust off Jan Michael Vinson, sober him up. This is a big comeback film for him.
58:02🔗
Adam
Yeah. I am... I think Jan may ramble in place. I think his legs move and his arms move, but it doesn't go anywhere. Go ahead, Meg. Sorry.
58:46🔗
Caller
She said that it could cause complications and I asked her what and she said she's not a doctor. She just gives ultrasounds. So what complications could that cause?
58:55🔗
Drew
I think what they're referring to, I'm not an obstetrician, but I think what they're referring to is issues of what's called cervical competency. That the service can't hold the pregnancy and they can do something called a sirclage procedure where they actually kind of sew it up to keep it together. And are you going to see your obstetrician?
59:37🔗
Caller
First, it was just the stomach. And then she used this probe-like thing, was like a dildo with a condom on it, pretty much, with a camera on the end of it.
1:00:06🔗
Drew
Yeah. So, again, Meg, I'm not quite sure what they're talking about, the length of the cervix or the opening of the cervix. If there's a problem in the cervix in the second, how far along are you again?
1:00:20🔗
Drew
Yeah, and that second trimester is when the cervical issues emerge, so that's what they need to look into. There can be bleeding, there can be problems with the function of the placenta, and then there can be premature.
1:00:30🔗
Adam
Drew, can we just, at least for me, get chicks used to saying months even if they gotta whack it up? You know, three and a half months, four months, five months.
1:00:46🔗
Adam
Seven or eight years. Seven or eight? And by the way, drop it with the kids, too. I don't need that. I don't need the 13 months.
1:00:55🔗
Adam
You start with weeks. I don't need that either. Tell me when the kid hits one and then we won't talk those two.
1:01:01🔗
Adam
He's, oh yeah, he's 86 weeks. I'm like, so he's in college or is he retired? He's got kids then, right? Shouldn't have kids.
1:01:09🔗
Drew
Usually you go, you go weeks until they're about four months. And then you go months until they're a year and a half. And then there you go.
1:01:17🔗
Adam
And you know what I don't want? I don't want the middle name either. This is Chris Ann Tyler Melody Johnson. Humophiliac. Humophiliac. Sometimes. I'm just saying I don't need the six. Just say the first name. I know your last name. I'll do that math. I don't need, you know what I mean? I don't need to put your name. I've known you for a while, right? And I don't need the weeks. I just need the year, first name. Actually, first letter in the year. So you go like 2K. And that's it. No more talking. Yes?
1:02:00🔗
Adam
I might drop Trow. I'll drop Trow. Tell you what, I'll drop Trow. I will drop Trow. I will use a water soluble lube of my erect penis and I will insert it into your nether region. 829.29 to 8 o'clock, the traffic weather coming up. The fleetingly gay morning show host. Yes.
1:02:26🔗
Caller
They ever drop Trow and stick it in a guy. Jennifer, just get her out of here, stick it in a guy. 31.30 to 8 o'clock.
1:02:36🔗
Really?
1:02:41🔗
Okay, I have a nice Germany or Florida for you.
1:02:44🔗
Okay. According to a court transcript, a convicted rapist was turned down for parole this past year. He only offered an excuse for his crime.
1:02:55🔗
He had only raped the elderly woman that was in a near coma because he had said that he had read in a medical book that the sensation of pregnancy could snap a woman out of a coma and was only trying to help. German Year, Florida.
1:03:17🔗
Adam
By the way, that's got to be great. You're in the joint and it's like, what happened? What are you in for? I got 11 years in the mandatory minimum for selling a couple of tabs at a fish concert. What are you in for? I got six years for raping an elderly woman in a coma.
1:03:44🔗
Drew
All right, Jennifer. So I'm kind of leading to a journey because I think in Florida, I just think there would have been a huge reaction to that kind of thing.
1:03:57🔗
Will Sasso
I'm going to say it's Germany just because, as per our conversation earlier about genres of porn, I think that's a German genre of porn.
1:04:17🔗
Adam
No, it's prime time. Yeah, it's actually woven into children's books and things like that.
1:04:21🔗
Drew
I think in Florida, there would have been, there would have been more of this story about how the hospital was shut down and multiple people sued and-
1:04:31🔗
Adam
I believe they watch their coma victims more closely in Germany. I believe it's that kind of society. And Drew, you know-
1:04:40🔗
Adam
As you know, as a doctor, and you know from watching a lot of TV movies and stuff, you have to go in and talk to people when they're in a coma.
1:04:47🔗
Adam
Right. Jennifer, these two are going Germany. I'm going Florida, just because I'm that kind of man. I'm trying to build a little tension into the show.
1:05:00🔗
Okay. It's Germany.
1:05:12🔗
Actually, I'm close to Eugene.
1:05:18🔗
That's what I heard, actually.
1:05:19🔗
Drew
Crazy incident. The national championships are in Portland, Oregon, and Angela Nikodinoff, who's just having this comeback and her coach had just died. They get to the airport where their mom and their coach, the cab driver flips the car. Flips the car? It throws the mom out. Oh, jeez.
1:05:35🔗
Adam
She could wear a seat belt. Well, I guess you don't have to now. It is weird when you get in a friend's car, like if a friend is driving to the airport, you get in, you buckle up, put your head between your legs, pull it, adjust the headrest and that kind of stuff. You get into a cab, you're talking to the person in the back seat, you're kneeling on the front seat, like everyone just stuffs in. This is a weird sort of, that's a cab.
1:06:06🔗
Adam
He's got the ganoush on top of the, like an elephant with 18 arms on top of the dash. This guy's, you know, just keeps looking through a crack in his turbine. It's actually pulled down so low, he's using the bottom rung for like a chin strap. It's a disaster. And by the way, should these guys be able to drive? You know what I mean? How many of these folks from this part of the world win like, oh yeah, the guy won the Indy 500 and Le Mans last year.
1:06:36🔗
Will Sasso
Yeah, that'd be like sort of an Indian theme, therefore the brown and purple. And then they could be elephants, but like Dancing Happy, you know, if they're kind of colorful.
1:06:50🔗
Adam
I'll tell you the scariest thing about this story is that you following figure skating like a maniac.
1:06:58🔗
Adam
You got to give her the hand when she starts talking. And it's like, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip.
1:07:05🔗
Adam
Because I went out to dinner, me, my wife, and Drew and his old lady went out to dinner in San Francisco like a year ago. His old lady talked about ice skates for an hour and 45 minutes. Yeah. I wanted, you know, I wanted an ice skate so I could slit my throat with it.
1:07:22🔗
Adam
Just got to tell her back off on that stuff. I mean, my parents were the same way when I played popcorn or football.
1:07:40🔗
Adam
No. And let me tell you something. There's a weird in my family. My stepdad moved into my house. He don't sleep in the same room with my mom. He's got his own room. And he's cool. And those are the only two rooms in the house. I mean, it's not like, well, you know, it's 14 stories and I'm going to crash on my study or something. It's 1200 square feet of dump and he's got his own room. Yeah. It's good for the kids, though. It's kind of nice. Like, all right. But then the tough part is you have to sit on the dude's bed to watch TV, because that's where the TV is. You're like sitting on the dude's bed.
1:08:22🔗
Adam
Now you're sitting. It says sitting in the den. You're sitting in someone's bedroom watching TV.
1:08:27🔗
Adam
Oh, it's great. Oh, I got to sue. If my parents had anything, I would sue them. Now, if I sue my dad, I just get the car, at least.
1:08:48🔗
Caller
Well, basically, my girlfriend is not having sex with me as much as she used to. We used to have like maybe four, maybe four or three times a day, and now we're only having like once a month.
1:09:28🔗
Adam
Nothing better, by the way, than who's the guy who called and said he was almost six foot? He was like 5'12. How tall are you?
1:09:46🔗
Adam
I've said it once, I've said it a while. I will pit our callers up in a battle royale of stupidity against any national or local radio show.
1:09:56🔗
Drew
By the way, a little applause for Anderson coming up with that one in about four seconds.
1:10:13🔗
Will Sasso
Look up German elderly coma coma porn. I'll come in there. I'm looking at that right now.
1:10:19🔗
Adam
Don. So you guys only have sex once a month, how long from three down from three or two times a day. It's interesting.
1:10:42🔗
Adam
I got an answer. I got an answer for this. You know, calendars now are like 16 month calendars.
1:10:50🔗
Adam
And Don figures, well, there must be 16 months in a year. So he said the first, you know, first year he was talking 16 months. So 12 months is when it stopped off. You see? So he must, he's like, it's January, the second January and the second February must have to put a number by them because you don't want to confuse them with the first one.
1:11:21🔗
Drew
Don't you think it might be a place to start? You're obviously still interested, right?
1:11:24🔗
Caller
Yeah, but you know, I kind of have a feeling that she's with another guy too though.
1:11:34🔗
Drew
Yeah, why are you asking why she would be cutting down on the sex if you believe she's cheating?
1:11:50🔗
Adam
Just want some clarification. And why do you think she's with another guy then if she's in love?
1:11:56🔗
Caller
Because she was supposed to be home here about an hour ago and she never showed up, so.
1:13:13🔗
Adam
I know it's bogus. But I cry. I cried bogus three minutes ago. I need credit for this. All right, Don.
1:13:25🔗
Adam
Please admit this is bogus so we can be off with you. But I also want credit for knowing it was bogus three minutes ago.
1:13:34🔗
Adam
Well, what are you doing then staying? What am I doing trusting you? That's number one. But what are you doing staying with a girl that comes home smelling of aquavelva?
1:13:45🔗
Drew
And by the way, not even discussing it with her. Not even saying, I'm uncomfortable here. We're not having sex anymore, I don't see you anymore.
1:13:53🔗
Adam
Let's talk about, if not Don, the Don types. There are guys, and there's women out there too, but more guys that they seem like somebody severed every nerve that went from their body to their brain. Like they just seem completely detached. They don't read people very well. They don't communicate very well. They're much, I would think, if I believed in it, I would think they were aliens who just sort of got dropped down and were trying to assimilate. And everything is like, well, she was supposed to be home. And it's like, get smart when the doctor would give a Jaime the Robot a checkup and they'd say, hop up on the table, Jaime, and he would hop onto the table. Like everything's literal.
1:14:36🔗
Adam
Watch, I'm gonna try a question with Don. I'll ask him, do you smoke? And he'll say, only when I drink cheap oil. And then the big laugh track comes in. Yeah, here's the point. You wonder, and I don't know if it's trauma in childhood and I don't know what it is. It's just the guys out there that have zero connection.
1:14:55🔗
Drew
There are all kinds of neurobiological phenomena. First of all, there's sort of autistic spectrum problems. There's thought disorders, there's developmental issues.
1:15:06🔗
Adam
Okay, let's just call it thick. Don, I don't know if any of this is gonna get through to you, but you sound like a guy who's very detached from his emotions.
1:15:28🔗
Drew
And that motivation, you have difficulty judging motivations in other people and understanding interpersonal dialogues.
1:15:34🔗
Adam
You go, my woman, she works at a strip club, she comes home late, she comes home smelling of man's cologne. And you go, why are you staying with her? And you go, what do you mean?
1:15:44🔗
Adam
Yeah. Yeah, it's like it's robot kind of talk, Don. Or is that what's going on? Or did you suffer some head trauma or anything?
1:16:08🔗
Drew
Do you have trouble reading other people's feelings? I mean, like why people fluctuate from laughter to, you know, spontaneously break into laughter together, that sort of thing. Is that always kind of mysterious to you?
1:16:21🔗
Adam
True, that's, no one can answer that question. All I can say is, is if I was driving in Don's limo, that divider wouldn't be up fast enough. I'd be like, look, here's what I'm doing. I don't want to actually enter the limo and put the divider up. That's going to be too much time. I'm going to get a coat hanger. I'm going to undo it. I'm going to reach it in around through the sunroof and I'm going to raise the thing up and then I'll enter it. Yes.
1:16:51🔗
Adam
All right, let's not make fun of poor Don. Don, if you think she's cheating, you need to break up with her.
1:16:56🔗
Drew
That's it. At least, at very minimum, have a conversation with her about what your relationship, where it's going, what's happening, how you're feeling.
1:17:11🔗
Drew
That's the interesting thing. What are those guys actually experiencing when they say, I love you? And why does the woman, the partner, accept that as an expression of the song is called Waterfall of Love?
1:17:25🔗
Adam
You, you are an endless river of love. And me, me is, I am the chasm you fall into. Do not try to go over our love in a barrel. You will end up on the rocks. Instead, get in the boat, put the slicker on and enjoy the view. Oh, yeah, I mean, what would these conversations sound like? All right, listen, don't kill yourself, don't kill her. Try to get in touch. You know, you know, Don needs to listen to some classical music.
1:18:06🔗
Adam
You take him up. Well, no, I mean, you drive him around in your limo. He gives you, he gives you 50 minutes on the sofa. Maybe work out of the limo. Therapist, it works out of a limo. Classy. Tuxedo with a red bow tie. White tux. All right. Will Sasso here now. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
1:18:26🔗
1-800-LOVE-191.
1:18:37🔗
94.7 FM.
1:19:00🔗
Adam
Gotta get it on, you know what I'm saying, Drew? Will Sasso here tonight from Less Than Perfect. I'll tell you what, I'll drop crown this guy.
1:19:12🔗
Adam
I'll tell you what, I'll drop crown, I'll just get my wrecked, veiny rod out at 69 after one.
1:19:29🔗
Caller
Hey, 29, 29 after eight o'clock. We've got a Cheap Trick Super Set coming up there, rocked over.
1:19:38🔗
Adam
Yeah, they're coming to town. They'll be coming to the Armory. I'll tell you what, we got tickets to give Wayne a signed guitar, too.
1:19:49🔗
Caller
He's hitting his genitalia against the mic. Look at this, look what I got in my hat here. Touch it. It's good. That feels good. It spit at me. Hey, 29, 29 after eight o'clock. I'll tell you what, driving weather.
1:20:32🔗
Oh, hi.
1:20:36🔗
What's up, guys? I was just wondering how to get birth control, how and where I would get it.
1:20:47🔗
Drew
Eve, I have to look up Pennsylvania. But most states, 14 is the cutoff. Some at 16. Yeah. But you can go to Planned Parenthood. They just find one in your area and usually they have very inexpensive and certainly plenty of means to deliver birth control to you and give you screens. So you can.
1:21:08🔗
Yeah, I have a boyfriend. And we've been going out for like eight months now.
1:21:16🔗
Yeah, but I'm not on the pill yet.
1:21:20🔗
A condom.
1:21:23🔗
17.
1:21:36🔗
Adam
299 hours. So, Eve, you'll be 16 a couple months. Drew doesn't like the 15, 17 year old thing. Maybe you're gonna be 16 a couple months.
1:21:47🔗
Drew
It's getting close. 15, 16 is really the lowest limit I can tolerate because I just see so many problems with kids having sex before 16.
1:22:08🔗
Adam
Turning a little bit, a little bit, like in March or whatever. All right. Go to Planned Parenthood.
1:22:16🔗
Adam
I don't know. But here's the thing, Drew, isn't it also like whether you're in the 9th grade or the 10th grade?
1:22:22🔗
Drew
To some extent, but more than anything, it really is your neurobiological development.
1:22:45🔗
Adam
He did a little something called the turtle, Drew. He's going to be at the Fairhood, going to be at Foxy's coming up this Friday.
1:23:21🔗
Caller
Simple plan opening for us. Speaking of openings, but look at this. He's dialing it out, tell you what, right now.
1:23:44🔗
Caller
We're giving away a Miata filled with chaps. You're the first one to call the Felschlein.
1:23:52🔗
Adam
Call it 129 and the Felschlein is going to be a Miata filled with chaps. Yeah, the spent condom Freddie Mercury used in 1979.
1:24:27🔗
Adam
Drew gets obsessed with something, buries his face into it, and won't join the gay morning zoo.
1:24:40🔗
Adam
And why do you have to give her that? Let her pick up the phone. She'll call information.
1:25:06🔗
Caller
All right. Well, like, when I have sex with my boyfriend and it happened with my ex-boyfriend also, like, for the first about minute, it hurts like hell.
1:25:41🔗
Caller
The KY? That's going to be in the trunk of the side with the jam in the front. We're giving away. Party patrol is going to be kind of your neighborhood packed with KY and flavored kind of. We're going to be down there. The boss from the Lincoln Barclay will be there.
1:25:57🔗
Adam
We're going to be down there in cuffs and serinos having a smart cocktail if anyone wants to join us.
1:26:02🔗
Drew
Hey Sharon. Does your boyfriend give you enough time to sort of get going to be aroused?
1:26:12🔗
Drew
It may just be you. I mean, some women do have anatomical issues and the fact that you can, it only is a minute or so of discomfort.
1:26:18🔗
Will Sasso
What's the name of the, what was that, the vaginal cat scan that the, that the...
1:26:41🔗
Caller
He's gonna walk away to the Savage Garden Box at 8.29, 29 after 8 o'clock. Come on down to the Gay Morning Zoo. Yeah?
1:26:51🔗
Drew
But anyway, Sharon, maybe it's just anatomical dysreportia. Dr. Drew's gonna be there.
1:26:56🔗
Adam
Maybe it's the stethoscope round his neck in a green pantana hanging out of his right pocket.
1:27:03🔗
Caller
Everybody's auctioning them off. We're raising money for whatever you wanna do with them. Five songs. Those people have suffered over there. I'll tell them a good time over here.
1:27:17🔗
Adam
Okay, we are gonna hit you with a tidal wave of passion when you come on down to Cuffs and Serena's.
1:27:32🔗
Drew
There are sort of interventions they can use to... Gynecologists can sort of expand things a little bit.
1:27:37🔗
Caller
Three doors down. It's gonna be down there with Maroon 5 and Savage Garden. Order up the bucket, the bottomless bucket of Calamari. First one's on the Ace man. Speaking of Calamari, check out this balloon knot. That's not the one with the tentacles. Sunmari flying over there. Drew will be over there doing Hep C checkups. No charge. Create the boys some great a bit.
1:28:10🔗
Adam
Good looking cats, those guys. All right, keep an eye out for the minivan party patrol. It's the purple minivan with the phallic hood symbol. It's got the limousine uncle, I mean the uncle Henry O'Gahorn.
1:28:38🔗
Adam
Nipple piercings also. Drew's gonna be consulting on those. Hep C vats, bushiest mustache competition.
1:29:31🔗
Adam
I just dumped Drew's tea all over the board. All right, Will, yes. Less than Perfect, name of his show. Friday, 9.30, smoke comes up from the computer, ABC. We, before we left, we were talking about playing Ace's Mexican Ranchero accordion Countdown. Yes.
1:29:55🔗
Adam
Well, what it is, Will, is we listen to some wonderful ranchero music, random ranchero music, and it's not at the beginning of the song. It's queued up anywhere in the song. Is that right, Michelle? Yeah. Yes. Queued up anywhere in the song. And we guess, how long before we hear the accordion?
1:30:14🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, you'd be smart to go by seconds. Yeah. Because you can't go by minutes. That is a lifetime in the life of a ranchero accordionist.
1:30:24🔗
Adam
Six seconds, Drew, with a feeling. Bold, bold. You won immediate last night, you won. Wow, it makes me think you know something.
1:30:52🔗
Adam
How about that? Wow, I did dump a lot in there. I'm going to go, I'm going to go four seconds, all right?
1:30:58🔗
Adam
All right, I'm going to capsize this thing. All right, let's wait till we get cued up here. You ready, Michelle? Let's what, let's let it get to the 10 so we can really tell, all right? Five, four, three, two, one, go. Well, it was the second. Yeah, it was the second.
1:31:23🔗
Drew
This is an homage to our station which we lost yesterday. WHFS. I was sitting with a bunch of DC people tonight for dinner. They were, one of them started crying.
1:32:01🔗
Will Sasso
You think this kind of that color from Minnesota. The Braindead Fellows probably listening to this.
1:32:06🔗
Adam
Oh, most definitely. I don't I think it's all they listen to in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Yeah. You know, it's great. Tell you what, you go see like you go see a hockey game in Minneapolis. This is what they'll be playing when they're trying to pump up the crowd.
1:32:19🔗
Will Sasso
If you got drunk enough, this is sort of Oktoberfest music. I mean, it's not far off from a polka.
1:32:27🔗
Drew
Right. We decided yesterday it was probably designed by the workers. Apparently the Germans settled in Mexico.
1:32:35🔗
Drew
Florida, that's right. And in the breweries, they would combine their music with the local Mexicans and the Germans and they'd get this.
1:32:43🔗
Adam
Yeah, but like anything, there were some scientists who thought nuclear power can be an endless source of of of of turbine power for electricity, but someone makes a bomb out of it. That's what happened with the Germans and the accordion and the ranchero music. It started off as a good thing, but then they hijacked it and now we have ranchero.
1:33:05🔗
Drew
Well, we figured that when we started unionizing, they were using this as a tool, like the way the bob bag pipes were used by the Scottish to scare off their...
1:33:32🔗
Adam
You know what it would be like? Don't pull a Sasso. Kelly, you're 26. Kelly? Maybe I screwed the board up, Drew.
1:33:57🔗
Adam
17. What is that weird law of whatever that says after you spill the thing in the thing, the next caller must mysteriously not say anything? Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So you go, oh, well, wait a minute. Maybe there's some damage here. No, it's just the first one that hasn't said anything. You know what I mean? All right. Oh, wait a minute. I hit Crystal now. All right. So you want to try Trell again? Try Kelly one more time.
1:34:45🔗
Caller
Well, the rumors I heard, you can't fully regrow it, but it's almost the same, I guess.
1:34:52🔗
Adam
Mine came back, but I lost it early and often. Then I think it was able to repair because I'm so young.
1:35:00🔗
Drew
I see. I'm going to vomit now. Nicole, virginity is not some sort of technicality. It's whether you've had intercourse or not.
1:35:24🔗
Adam
Yeah. I mean, look, if you've got a girl who's, when she was 12, her drunken uncle jumped on top of her, but has never been with a man, I would give her the virgin. I would. Drew wouldn't because he's cruel.
1:35:52🔗
Adam
Well, no, I just mean if the penis that passed the plane of the vagina is an escaped convict who broke into your window and held you at night point, I'm willing to still give you a virgin status since it doesn't mean anything anyway.
1:36:09🔗
Drew
Well, by the way, I think chastity would be a better name. Like, this is still a chaste person who was raped.
1:36:41🔗
Caller
Well, I was actually raped when I was 14, but then the second time I had sex is with my current boyfriend. I won't be able to see for three years. Why?
1:37:04🔗
Drew
And then hooking up after a rape with a criminal. Yeah. I'm looking at the crystal ball. It's not looking good.
1:37:15🔗
Adam
Yeah. And Nicole, please stop blowing smoke up your own took eye. You're not going to be with this guy in three years.
1:37:23🔗
Adam
You're going to be through 30 guys between 17 and 20 because you're going to act out because you screwed up.
1:37:35🔗
Caller
All right, guys. Here's the deal. You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.
1:37:58🔗
Caller
829. 829. The boys from Smash Mouth will be there. Rupert Everett Lookalike Contest, B2K.
1:38:05🔗
Adam
He's going to be out at the Harley-Davidson of Fire Island, giving a ride on his hog, fully dressed.
1:38:20🔗
Adam
Yeah, everyone. Less than perfect, everybody. I want to thank Engineer Anderson for doing a great job all week. Whose phone's greening this week, by the way? Brian. Fantastic, buddy. Doing a great job. I want to thank Engineer Chris.
1:38:37🔗
Adam
I want to thank wonderful, wonderful engineer Michelle. Here's your junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior producer, Lauren and of course producer, and until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.