0:57🔗
Voiceover
Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content.
1:39🔗
Adam
Phone number, 1-800-LLVE-191. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew. Phone. Wait, not phone. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, diction Medicine Specialist. Yeah, buddy.
1:50🔗
Woo.
1:57🔗
Drew
One is, I think it'd be cool if tonight we finish the story about the, what was the guy that got stuck in this Russian submarine when the cars were all stolen from the auto show at Pebble Beach.
2:28🔗
Adam
Michael something. He's a talented illustrator. He just takes bits of the show at random once he decides he likes, that are a couple of minutes long, and then illustrates them as he imagines they might look or act out or whatever it is. He's done two so far. He's done Chief Thunder Bear, and he's done Grand Theft Submarine.
2:50🔗
Adam
And I don't know. I think you can find him on the Loveline companion website. I don't know how you, how do you get there? I don't know. What do you do, Drew?
3:03🔗
Drew
No, Chris can tell. Chris can tell. Look up Loveline companion on Google. Yeah, Google or Yahoo.
3:06🔗
Adam
All right. The point is, is they're very funny cartoons. And he just illustrated a idea I had when I went to some car show in Pebble Beach. And I don't want to give it away. But the point is, is you can go see it and enjoy it. But it never ended because I didn't know he was illustrating it.
3:26🔗
Adam
Drew's usually bored, wants me to go back to the phones and everyone else around here was wants me to take calls. And I didn't have an ending to this movie. But the movie, by the way, Drew, which originally was called Subterranean Parking.
3:45🔗
Adam
The movie, originally, the idea is the guy who was Steven Seagal type, decorated green beret. He was green beret, special forces, and he was a SEAL team commander.
4:00🔗
Adam
Trummed out of the service for taking a swing at a commanding officer because they left some men behind. Right. Now busted down, and this wasn't illustrated in the cartoon, busted down to the sort of general's chauffeur.
4:18🔗
Adam
That's the thing, yeah. He's still in. He just got busted down to Oh, interesting. to this rank, and he's going to ride out his next few years.
4:27🔗
Drew
The general must have just been showing one of his cars at the car show, and he asked him as a favor.
4:32🔗
Adam
That's what happened. Yeah, that's what he was in, until they'd commandeered the Soviet sub and the one that stayed in the car.
4:53🔗
Drew
The other thing is, I'll try to remind you. The other thing is, as much as you abuse me if you want to take the calls, you kind of miss the calls, don't you?
5:01🔗
Adam
Do, yeah, and miss the people. I got to say, I hate work. Usually going back to work has hit my stomach. It feels like a Sunday night, like going back to school when I was in the ninth grade, but not Loveline.
5:18🔗
Drew
I actually was getting, I got a little depressed in the middle of last week because I didn't have my, my structure was all off. I was always screwed up.
5:24🔗
Adam
Yeah, and you feel, I don't know, you know what it feels like? It feels like, you know, when you go 10 days, two weeks, you don't work out and eat a lot, and you're sort of happy that, that's nice. I get to relax and eat, but you sort of feel sloppy and weird. And you feel like maybe I'm losing my edge or something, or I'm getting soft, or I shouldn't be doing this. I should be doing more of that. I don't feel, I don't feel lean and mean.
5:51🔗
Adam
Yeah, you feel bad. It feels good, cause you just ate a whole pack of, you know, a box of macaroons. And you're now on the, you know, you've worked your way up to season three of The Sopranos on DVD. Ain't going anywhere. But on the other hand, this party feels a little guilty, feels a little soft. That's what it's like with this show.
6:09🔗
Drew
The other thing I found too, is I sort of feel like I do when I'm away from my family for a few days, strangely enough. It's like I miss, I miss, a sense of loss.
6:19🔗
Yeah, hi.
6:31🔗
Hi, okay. I'm 18 and I'm still a virgin. Is that wrong?
6:39🔗
It's good.
6:40🔗
No, no. I was wondering, like, how long should I wait? I have a boyfriend and I'm out of high school, so it's really sad and oh, man.
6:52🔗
Drew
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what was that? There were two different reactions there. Why is it sad?
6:56🔗
Why is it sad?
6:59🔗
What?
7:03🔗
I'm out of high school.
7:19🔗
That's so true, thank you, Adam.
7:20🔗
Drew
Okay, and then you had another reaction, you went, oh man, like something hurt. What hurts?
7:25🔗
Oh no, I'm a little...
7:32🔗
Let's pump it up from.7.
7:39🔗
Drew
Alright, what was she talking about at the end of her conversation? There's all disappointment out of her.
7:50🔗
Yeah.
7:51🔗
Adam
Alright, now don't listen to Drew. Listen to me. How long have you been with your boyfriend?
7:57🔗
Um, like 8 months.
8:01🔗
Yeah.
8:03🔗
Everything.
8:09🔗
Yeah. Hell yeah.
8:14🔗
Okay.
8:18🔗
Yes.
8:26🔗
Drew
Yeah, Lindsay. Have you been the one holding back on intercourse or has he been sort of... Don't put her on hold.
8:37🔗
Why?
8:38🔗
Just have sex.
8:49🔗
Yeah.
8:52🔗
I don't know. It's just like, I don't know if I want to do it. I don't know if I don't. You know, it's just weird.
9:01🔗
No, I do love him. I don't know. It's just like, I want more opinions. And it's just weird, like, why is there a...
9:09🔗
Drew
My opinion, my opinion, Adam's opinion is you just go right ahead. My opinion is you go ahead when you're clear it's what you want to do.
9:16🔗
Adam
I don't know if you can keep your daughter out of this, but let's just say wife. You walk in on her. She's having sex with another man.
9:26🔗
I know eight minutes, eight minutes already.
9:28🔗
Adam
I want to include myself in this scenario. All right. Now, I think you're going to walk it. You come home early from work and you walk in on your wife. She's cheating on you. She's with she's with the gardener. All right. Just straight missionary. That's better than 69, right? You'd rather see her just straight missionary than 69.
9:58🔗
Adam
Well, I think you can because I'm going to keep going. Her on top versus, you know, like Count Girl.
10:05🔗
Adam
Worse than missionary, but worse than 69. I don't know. 69 sort of more deviant. You know what I mean? Like, it's one thing, like, if she's just on top, maybe she's just trying to have an orgasm. 69, she sent a message to you. You know what I mean? It's like when someone kills themselves with a shotgun.
10:27🔗
Drew
You may be right, but I've sort of adopted some of the attitudes that some of these young people have. It's like, oh, it's just oral sex.
10:33🔗
Drew
I mean, strangely, they're able to maintain that. I'm surprised that I have that same feeling.
10:48🔗
Adam
He's got the rake leaning on the side of the bed. He actually brought the leaf blower into the room. He's got that big brim straw hat on. Yeah. I would go missionary over 69.
11:12🔗
Adam
Let me pose that question to engineer Chris. If you walked in and some guy was with your DVD cassette or your DVD porn. Dude, I'd be pissed. You'd be pissed. All right. All right. We're going to get you a girlfriend for the new year. You know that? Okay, cool. That's my plan. I'm not going to do anything about it, but it's my plan. You ready, Drew?
11:32🔗
Yeah.
11:34🔗
Yes.
11:40🔗
Caller
Well, I'm 19 and I'm having problems with women. I figured out that most teenage girls like those for the jerks instead of for the romantic guys.
12:18🔗
Adam
Meteorology, wow. Chicks love meteorology. They hear about like a cumulus cloud or a weather front coming and pow, panties. Wetter than my driveway tonight. Yeah. Right, Josh.
12:38🔗
Adam
Wow. I may be giving out some weather than tonight for you. Hey, Josh, here's the thing. If you're into, let me explain how this works. Drew, stop me if I'm wrong. It's a new year. We've got to give you tips. Here's how life works in general. This is this is general philosophy stuff, but it pertains to almost every facet of life, which is here we go. Which is, you can go for the quick buck, you can go for the easy buck, or you can put it off and really get a nice payday.
13:07🔗
Adam
Delayed gratification. And if you're one of these people that does the delayed gratification route, you will be more successful, you'll be happier, you'll get more of all the things you want, but you don't seem to get it when you want it or as early as you want it. But there will be a payday. And...
13:29🔗
Adam
And the guys that do the best in high school, the guys do the best when they're 19 and 20, seem to do the worst later on, or at least never quite have that payday. As a guy, so much of your number is about your income, not just your income.
13:49🔗
Adam
Right. Yeah. Here's the other thing. Here's the other thing too with guys. Women rarely get better than what they are at 19 or 20. Guys vary greatly. Most guys don't start coming into their own until their early thirties, for Christ's sake. There's a handful of guys that are sort of peaking in high school, but not too many. Most guys are still sort of kids almost at 19. Big Adam's apple or bad skin or whatever it is. They're sort of not grown into their bodies, whereas women 18, 19, 12, 13, that's it. Doesn't get any better than that. So as a guy, and you're kind of like Josh, okay, you're going to college, you're getting grades, blah, blah, blah. There will be a payday. You will get a good job with your college degree. You will start making some money. You'll afford a decent haircut. You'll get a nice personal trainer. Next thing you know, you got a cool car, a cool bachelor pad, you got a decent gig, and you start, now here's who you'll start collecting. You'll start collecting the hot chicks who are tired of dating the flaky guys who are alcoholics and abusive and the a-holes and those guys. They get burnt out on those guys somewhere in their mid-20s and now they start looking for a guy like you. Yes?
15:03🔗
Drew
So he'll have his day. He'll have his day. The idea that they're into the jerks and not the nice guys is not exactly accurate.
15:09🔗
Adam
No, and it's unfair. Well, I shouldn't say it's not unfair to the jerks. You're being too kind to yourself.
15:17🔗
Adam
It's like, wow, I'm a nice guy. I'm a romantic guy. I'm an old fashioned guy. This guy's a jerk. No, no, no. You are, you're first off, you're like a puppy, like a teenage puppy kind of thing. You're awkward.
15:33🔗
Adam
You're a little needy. You're a little clingy and you're a little spazzy. And chicks freak out over needy, clingy and spazzy.
15:43🔗
Adam
And the jerk guys aren't all just jerks across the board. They're a lot more confident. They're sort of quietly confident.
15:49🔗
Drew
And they may be dismissive of the women. You might see, you might perceive it as them sort of not caring about them or not being sort of as attentive as you would be. That's not how the young ladies are experiencing it. They're experiencing it as somebody confident that I want to attach my caboose to.
16:03🔗
Adam
And they're not necessarily jerks. They're just treating 18-year-old chicks the way they know to be most effective with 18-year-old chicks.
16:44🔗
Adam
Yeah. You know what they do, though? They just everyone just here's the weather page from the USA Today. Everyone look at it. All right. Fifty five minutes up. Go to your next class.
16:53🔗
Drew
Can't you? There's so many good schools around there. American or George Washington or GU. Well, come on Georgetown. Come on, Josh.
17:04🔗
Adam
OK. Well, let me let me explain something, Josh, on the spaz, on the topic of being a spaz. If you're going to be a spaz, you want to be a Bill Gates type of spaz. So you can own, you know, seven million acres in Seattle.
17:24🔗
Adam
Well, here's what I'm saying. Yeah. If you're nerdy and spastic and you're going to junior college, then you ain't getting anything. You're missing it all.
17:51🔗
Drew
I was talking at Caltech and I said, I was talking about something, some interesting science, I thought, and I said, I'm such a nerd because, and I got like a standing ovation.
18:02🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah. All right, so Josh, get yourself out of that junior college. That should be everyone's New Year's rezo. Aaron?
18:35🔗
Drew
That should still be looked up by a urologist. You can actually kill off your testy that way.
18:44🔗
Caller
No, I just came forward to mark him and I thought he was going to kick it around me and he just right on the tip.
18:57🔗
Adam
They don't wear cup in soccer, huh? No, no. Seemed like, I know, they don't wear them in football anymore either. They don't wear them in anything anymore.
19:05🔗
Not in football?
19:11🔗
What?
19:12🔗
Adam
I was surprised too. You know about the only guys who wear cups anymore are baseball catchers, maybe like boxers, although they have a little foul project there. Hockey guys must wear cups. Football guys don't wear cups.
19:28🔗
What?
19:31🔗
Adam
Everything, I think everything has to do with movement or perceived impediment of movement. And if you're, you know, if you're wearing one extra thing to slow you down, you're going to slow you down a tenth of a second.
19:45🔗
Adam
They don't. I've asked them a thousand times. They don't do it. I don't know how it works. Weird. Aaron?
20:00🔗
Drew
The trauma to the penis and or the testicle can cause problems with erection for quite a while. The problem is that sometimes you can fracture the cavernous body within the penis. And that's a real sort of a surgical problem, as is the case with a severe blow to the, you'll excuse the expression, to the testes. That can, you know, that can be a problem. That you can kill the test, you can fracture it, you can have bleeding problems. It's something that needs to be looked at by urologists. You're probably going to be okay. The fact that the swelling went down, but that's something you don't want to screw around with.
20:39🔗
Drew
Are you parents? We live actually closer to the corner of Orange Grove and Colorado than my parents. Yeah, so I walk from home.
20:44🔗
Adam
You walk down there. And what, oh, yeah. What time do you go down there? Like, you go down at six in the morning, five in the morning?
21:05🔗
Drew
Yes, in the grandstands, on the course. Well, that's all there is at the corner of California Grove is grandstands.
21:31🔗
Adam
I would love to see that Stealth Bomber fly over. But that flies by and then that's over in three seconds. And then you sit and suck it up for two hours. And is it two hour parades at 8 to 10 a.m.? It seems like it goes on for like 14 hours or something.
22:00🔗
Drew
Crashing is nothing really out of the ordinary, no. It's just sort of boring sitting there, might freeze my ass off.
22:21🔗
Adam
That's right. It's just, it's been, it's incredible. I mean it's really, and the reason I don't like it is for all the people around the country who watched the parade, they're frozen, they're sitting on a block of ice in Wisconsin. And it's like, we're going out there. That's where we're heading. And if we could just put together a couple of bad days.
22:42🔗
Drew
I know, we're getting cocky about it too. It was raining the night before. We're like, don't worry, it'll be clear tomorrow. No problem. It will be clear tomorrow. Oh yeah, you're right.
22:52🔗
Adam
Yeah, LA is just a pack full of idiots from other parts of the country and the world who can't drive. And it just keeps, each year gets more crowded and I get from point A to point B much slarked. Here's what we need to do on this Rose Parade. And I'm trying to think, there's probably a handful of other events. Start staging some mock like gang violence and stuff like that because people freak out. No, here's what we do.
23:23🔗
Adam
I'm talking about actually staging something like what they would do at Knott's Berry Farm at one of those Wild West shows or something like that. A couple of Cholo guys come out and red bandanas. You know, these are guns. They have the blood pellets and everything. And just, oh my God, tragedy. And you just do it for a couple of years before you know it. No, but people are fleeing. We're the only ones left. Yeah?
23:46🔗
Drew
Yeah, unfortunately, the real thing doesn't do that. I'm not sure an acted out version is gonna do it.
24:01🔗
Adam
Right. All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. When we come back, we'll speak to Amber. Boyfriend cheated on her and she dumped him. She's really sad about it. Oh man. Speaking of cheated on, I had a conversation with my grandmother this weekend.
24:31🔗
Oh my God.
24:43🔗
Adam
Let's take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everybody. It's Loveline, the real Loveline, the live Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Good to be back for number 1-800-LOVE-191-er.
25:30🔗
Adam
And my grandma's told me a couple of things over the years that have been a little difficult on me, emotionally.
25:40🔗
Adam
She wanted to know if I knew what a rim job was. She didn't, she had not heard what a rim job was until earlier that day.
25:52🔗
Adam
She one time wanted to tell me that I should be careful about masturbating and putting a belt around my neck, you know.
26:09🔗
Adam
Well, I looked at that as a dare, a challenge. Yeah. I wasn't doing it until now, but now I'm going to belt and suspenders around my neck. And not just the regular suspenders, the morque kind, the rainbow ones with the finger pointing, you know, buttons. This is another time after my grandfather passed away, she said, well, I look around the house and everything reminds me of him. And listen, let me tell you something, when you're when you're Corolla, everything will always remind you of everything because no one's bought a new goddamn stick of furniture, a new coat, a new anything. No one throws anything out or buys anything new. So yes, people will remember you. You look around a Corolla house, you'll remember the Corollas that came over on a wagon train because it's the same goddamn sofa. Right. You never throw anything out. Of course, everything's going to remind you of the person.
27:04🔗
Adam
That's right. You see that black powder rifle? Yeah, that reminds me of your great, great, great. Yeah, you never toss anything or buy anything.
27:16🔗
Drew
Here we go. So anyway, and so the vaginal lubricant, as I recall, is what reminded her of us.
27:20🔗
Adam
Yeah, she said, you know, the overcoats in the closet, his hat's hanging on the rack and the vag lube is in the bathroom. This time started telling me about-
27:36🔗
Adam
How did it start? It's hard to tell where anything goes. When you talk to my grandma, you sit there and she talks.
27:42🔗
Drew
Well, so she said, it sounds like she had an agenda. She was going to let you know on this one.
27:46🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, she first started talking about her old communist friends, and I started piping up about what's wrong with these people, and she started getting really weird and angry and defensive. I said, look, how smart can you be to back this governmental style that just seems mathematically like it's never going to work? I mean, didn't these people? She just got ballistic and went nutty, so we let that one go. And unfortunately, moved to a more unfortunate topic, which was my grandpa and how they'd known each other for a couple of years, and she married him to keep him in the country. But things weren't moving along the way she wanted. So she got herself a little outside action. So in a way, it's cheating.
28:32🔗
Drew
But it's our theory that if a woman's not getting her emotional needs met, watch out. So get it met one way or another.
28:45🔗
Drew
I could see a guy like that. After all, he only dedicated about 38 years to her and provided and took care of her grandkids.
28:59🔗
Adam
Not committing, but a little old world. Withdrawn, a little, not giving with the compliments or the love or the affection, you know? You go get it.
29:13🔗
Drew
The point is, this is a guy who was giving. Oh, that was stable, but she needed the chaos. That's my point.
29:19🔗
Drew
Because the non-giving guy doesn't hang out for 38 years, doesn't break the grandson of bedwetting, I beg your pardon, doesn't make the goulash for everybody, doesn't take care of the family, doesn't the only one that has money and has a job.
29:44🔗
Adam
I just hooked up with a dude for a while, shook things up, but then started getting into the part with why she was with the new dude. Sex.
29:53🔗
Adam
Oh, man. Unbelievable. Never ended. 24 hours. Non-stop. I was like, well, speaking of sex, that's it for me. Hope you can enjoy it.
30:10🔗
Drew
We'll set this up. Your mom and grandma is, let's see, today's a Sunday, Sunday, Monday.
31:08🔗
Adam
Sounds like somebody's watch alarm is going off. And I'm gonna blame that on either you or Chris. Actually, I'm going to leave it on Chris. You got nothing? Well, what do you think? He has a drop for Lost in Space?
31:24🔗
Yeah. Is it still there?
31:27🔗
And Chris can't hear it?
31:31🔗
We'll break early and we'll just drop over there.
31:34🔗
Yep.
31:40🔗
Adam
Take your headphones off and go find it. Hold on. No, it's not in the room. It's in the phones.
31:48🔗
Adam
Well, that's weird because I took the headphones off and I put them back on and it was stopped.
32:09🔗
Caller
Okay. So I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years and about six months ago, I caught him cheating on me, which was pretty much one of the most devastating things that's ever happened to me.
32:29🔗
Caller
I went to his house at six o'clock in the morning, one morning. I don't know how to explain it, but I woke up in the morning like someone had kicked me in the ass and I just knew that something was wrong. I hadn't been able to get a hold of him the night before and I thought maybe something had happened to him. I had no, I had no suspicion of him cheating on me at all.
32:50🔗
Drew
By the way, not being able to get a hold of some of yours going out with regularly is a reasonable.
32:58🔗
Adam
Well, you may have also thought he was cheating, but that's fine. You went over there at 6 AM.
33:04🔗
Caller
What happened? Well, I didn't have the key to his building. I had the key to his door, but not to his building and so I rang the doorbell a couple of times and I called and I saw someone peek out of the blind, but then nobody came down and finally, he called me and was acting really strange and while he was on the phone with me, I was standing outside the building and I saw someone in the shower. I said, who's in the shower and he wouldn't tell me.
33:55🔗
Adam
Yeah, but here's the thing that's interesting. It's six in the morning. She's taking a shower.
34:06🔗
Adam
I know they're stupid people, but you're taking a shower. When you get the hair dryer going, you're grabbing your clothes and-
34:20🔗
Adam
Well, he was just drunk and cheating and he didn't want the chick he was with to know he had a girl.
34:26🔗
Adam
Amber, I'm not done with the shower thing. Was she taking, Drew, quiet. Was she taking a shower because she just got up early, was taking a shower and was going to get out of there?
34:40🔗
Caller
I have no idea. I didn't. Had to be. I ran into her as she was leaving an hour later and she knew who I was. I had no idea who she was. And she told me that he had told her that we had an open relationship and that this is...
35:01🔗
Caller
I was upstairs in the parking lot and then she was leaving and I saw her leaving. So I kind of went down to confront her and she told me that it had been going on for about three months.
35:16🔗
Caller
She was cute, I guess. I didn't really pay too much attention. I was pretty freaked out. I mean, this is someone I thought I was going to marry.
35:26🔗
Drew
So what's up? We got to sort of look at Amber and why she would be attracted to an a-hole like this.
35:33🔗
Caller
My concern at this point is that that whole kind of scenario haunts me pretty bad. I have pretty bad anxiety attacks about it. I'll wake up in the middle of the night. I can't let him or this situation go. And I don't feel like I'm...
35:51🔗
Adam
All right, Amber, you're a couple of good dates with a new guy away from getting past this.
36:04🔗
Caller
No, I was a virgin till I was 22. I was very... But I mean, I was a bad girl before that. But I mean, that was something I couldn't have held on to. I had...
36:16🔗
Drew
Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't get by with that kind of stuff. What if you're a bad girl but you're a virgin?
36:29🔗
Drew
There's a lot of oral sex. Lots of oral sex. Then why were you acting out like that? What was that all about?
36:38🔗
Drew
No, no, no. Amber, come on. You were acting out as a younger adolescent. Why? What was going on? What was all the depression or chaos? What was going on?
36:59🔗
Adam
Here's the thing. You broke up with this guy when you found out he was cheating. You did the right thing.
37:03🔗
Adam
That's fine. Your your your radar was a little off. Lots of young women are mid early 20s, later 20s have trouble. Sometimes they meet a guy and doesn't turn out to be the guy. But it's what they do after they find out he's not the guy they thought they were. And you did the right thing. You broke up. And of course you're a little depressed about it. Fine.
37:27🔗
Drew
It's like any other traumatic experience. You got to get back on the horse, so to speak, and get back out there.
37:34🔗
Adam
I had a little something brewing tonight. We got to take a break, but let me talk to David. David?
37:49🔗
Okay, my question was, I have a girlfriend that I've been with for a year. And she's pregnant right now. We found out in November.
38:00🔗
Right.
38:03🔗
Well, right now, it's three months or so. All right. We just found her in November, so it's right now. It's going to be January. And the question was, I wasn't sure what to do because she doesn't want to tell her mom and she doesn't want me to tell my parents. But it's like, in a sense, she doesn't want to admit it, you know, she's pregnant. Right. She's not really like that mature. Well, at least not as mature as me. So she doesn't exactly like exactly like I don't know. She doesn't want to admit it. Like I admit it.
38:35🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. David's mature. I picture David like with a like a burnt orange turtleneck and a tweed jacket and a candy sniffer, sniffed her in a pipe.
38:47🔗
Caller
And he's just sitting there high back, I'll be lecturing at Oxford on the philosophy of Hegel in about 10 years. And he answers everything with quite.
38:57🔗
Adam
All right. QED. Hold on, David. We're going to take ourselves a little break. We'll see if we can sort out the 17 year old girlfriend pregnancy and the dilemma. All that after this.
39:13🔗
1-800-1-9-1.
39:30🔗
Adam
Hey, buddy, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number. And the reason I give you the phone number is because this is not the Best Of. This is the actual show.
39:40🔗
Drew
Apparently we have a little shortage on calls tonight. People didn't even start calling.
39:49🔗
Drew
The problem is I bet you half the country's not even hearing us tonight. They're still hearing Best Of. So that's why we're not getting the usual.
40:00🔗
Adam
I just opened one of Producer Ann's gifts, which is this like old school Atari flashback video game that you kiddies don't know about because you're too young. But let me tell you why I'm excited about this gift. I'm too stupid for the new video games.
40:20🔗
Adam
Yeah, but if it's just not against somebody else, only if it's just against the backstop. I got to tell you, I'm not into video games at all. To me, video games are like, it's like heroin, like people go, you got to play grand, you've got to get into. It's like you got to get into rotisserie football, you've got to get into this fantasy. I've got to, I watched 23 hours of TiVo a day already. I need something else to occupy my time where I don't make money and it's just some sort of whimsical fantasy. No way. Are you kidding?
40:56🔗
Adam
The last thing I want to do is discover some video game and become hooked on it. But I did buy the, and it's tough because they give me the Xbox or whatever. Anyone who's in the radio, whatever, they'll just give you some swag every once in a while. You do one of these Teen Choice things or something, they give you an Xbox. I got it and I started seeing a commercial for the Pearl Harbor. And boy, they were doing it like a year ago where the guy's up on the deck and he's got the.50 caliber and the Japs are coming in on the zeros and he's spraying them with the.50 caliber and the next thing you know he's in the water, the ship blows up and I thought, wow, now this is going to be exciting because nothing I like better than shooting down zeros. So I got the game. Sucked? And no, no, here's the comedy. I get the game and my stoner buddy, the Weas is like, you got to get a memory card with that. And I said, why do I need a memory card? Well, because you get to start from where you. I don't listen. But I don't need any memory card. I just want the game. So I buy the game. Now, the game starts with you three decks below the top side in your bunk, in your sleeping. And the Japs hit Pearl Harbor. And you wake up in your bunk and people are panicking and there's fire. I can't get out of the goddamn deck. I can't get top side. And so I run around in a circle for 20 minutes and I bang into crap. And then I get out into the hall. And then I try to go up some staircase into a door that's locked. And then I catch on fire. And then I restart and I'm back in my bunk again. I sat there for three hours trying to get out of the bunk. It never got to the... No 50 caliber machine. I never saw one airplane, no jab zeros, no nothing. No falling into the water, no explosions, nothing. I'm in a bunk. Can't get out of the bunk. That's the deal. Nice. And I'm saying to my buddy, who knows these things, well just, all right, let's just skip ahead, like it's a DVD. Like I'm gonna skip ahead to the part where I'm actually topside with the machine gun. This is why I bought the... Now you can't do that. Well, I can if I just admit I'm a puss and just move forward. No, no. Well, can I stop? It took me... Now it took me 15 minutes to get to the point where the door wouldn't open and then I'm back at the bunk again. He's like, that's why you need the memory card.
43:28🔗
Adam
Well, I know, but I thought, well, can I just skip the, you know, deck level C or the next plan or the...
43:37🔗
Adam
I know, but I'm like, I don't want to go on the Internet. Just get me to the next thing. No, you'll not be going there. So the one game that I got, the one game I was excited about, I sat and played for three hours. I could not make it out of this burning deck level C thing. You know, I run out in the hall. You know me, I start getting angry. Tears like, I go to the one door, it's clogged up. I go to the next door, there's a piece of debris in front of it. He couldn't figure out how to get out. Neither one of us could figure out, never saw the light of day. Now, I'm just at the bottom of the Arizona in Pearl Harbor.
44:16🔗
Adam
David Jones' Locker. That's where I am, right in his locker. I got the locker part figured out, right?
44:44🔗
Drew
He's the immature 18-year-old and she's the immature 17-year-old in denial. Three months pregnant. Does she have any, has she been even able to talk to about what is she wants to do with this pregnancy?
44:54🔗
Not really. The only thing we got established is that she doesn't want to have an abortion. I mean, she wants to keep it. She just hasn't talked about it like anything.
45:02🔗
Drew
Well, she's got it. Then you might as well tell your parents then because they're going to find out soon enough. Perhaps you ought to take her down somewhere where she gets, well, absolutely. You need to take her somewhere where she gets some prenatal counseling because she's going to have this child. And God, hopefully, she will be willing to give this child up for adoption to some parents that are really prepared to take care of a child.
45:22🔗
Well, I mean, my idea was to keep the kid and just, I mean, I have a job right now and I'm saving up as much money as possible because of that. I was already saving up before, but now I have like two jobs, one in the morning, one at night, and now I just want it.
45:39🔗
I work at a doughnut place and I will also work doing deliveries.
45:45🔗
All right.
45:45🔗
Adam
So you're making nothing and nothing and saving some money up. All right. Here's the thing. You want to keep the kid. That's fine. You got to make sure and put holes in the jar, in the in the lid. Yeah, they got to breathe. Yeah. Yeah. That's just kind of what it sounds like to me. Yeah. There's really. All right. I'm going to go to play in parenthood with her, sit down with the counselor, see what the plan can be.
46:10🔗
Drew
If she's really three months in, it's too late for an abortion anyway, so she's going to have this child.
46:15🔗
Drew
I know guys will do that. Let's make sure the child comes in the world safely. She'll need some prenatal vitamins, some iron supplementation, and some careful follow up.
46:24🔗
Adam
All right. And no problem as far as the society goes with this going on. Nothing we can say, nothing we can do. No.
46:34🔗
Adam
All right. We're going to take ourselves a little break. When we come back, Drew, is HPV? Isn't HPV? And then there's Never Can Be Faithful. Ah, Allison. Cheating. 24?
46:52🔗
I think I'm all right. I don't get any...
46:56🔗
Adam
Hard to hear her through the lamp shade. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back with the drunken and hot Allison after this.
47:05🔗
You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?
47:10🔗
Call the Dateline.
47:11🔗
877-889-DATE.
47:53🔗
Adam
Yeah. 2005, by the way, is well into 2000. And I just figured every door would be like an aperture, like a camera.
48:13🔗
Adam
Great jumpsuits. We'd be wearing great jumpsuits and we'd be eating our meals in small pill form. By the way, did they really think that was ever going to pass? Like all these futuristic films, as some time, somehow people got bored of eating. You know what I mean? Like, you think we're going to do away with this anytime soon, the whole part where you sit down with a rack of ribs?
48:34🔗
Drew
I think that was part of the fantasy about the future is that we were going to be separated from our biological needs. Our basic, our of these basic biological systems. Yeah, no, no, that's, we'll have no more of that.
48:52🔗
Adam
Right. Vanity, it's all gone. All gone. Everyone wears a gray jumpsuit. There's no denim anywhere.
48:59🔗
Adam
No aggression and no denim. No hinges, no aggression, no denim, and no pork chops. Everything's just a little pill or you can get a little gray mush. And it wouldn't even be a, it wouldn't even be a normal color. It wouldn't be green or brown. It'd be gray.
49:13🔗
Drew
Strange enough that we went to, that's if you were an adolescent in the 1970s, if you were an adolescent in the 1990s, we went from that to it's only violence and aggression. And we lived in sort of a S-pile.
49:28🔗
Adam
I'll tell you the one thing they did get right with the future stuff, which is coming, and they're a little behind it, but it's coming, is whenever you see these futuristic movies, especially movies like Blade Runner, advertising.
49:41🔗
Adam
Everywhere, up everything looks like Times Square. And the advertising thing, where it's now coming up on cab, hubcaps. Now you ever see the hubcaps on cabs have those sort of things. They keep them level all the time. It's advertising, showing up on fighters or painting Golden Palace on their back. I mean, if you think about advertising, that's the one part where it's like cars.
50:18🔗
Drew
Hey, I have a quick play to put out here to 1-800-LOVE-191. I'm working on a television program. You're going to love it. Well, we're doing two shows and they're looking for a couple in the Los Angeles area to keep a masturbation diary. I know you'd love to do that. Oh, you and your wife. Would you please come on my show?
50:43🔗
Adam
Yeah, with mine, it'd be like, Adam, there's nothing in this diary. Shine the black light on it. Shine it on. Oh, my goodness.
51:03🔗
Drew
So, anyways, if the Southern California Couple wants to be on television and willing to get into that stuff, then the other show is in the San Francisco area. We have a coach for people that are sort of sexually in a rut, either mismatched or they're there.
51:17🔗
Adam
Let me guess the coach, the sun-blasted 50-something-year-old chick with the big hanging earrings.
51:33🔗
Adam
I see those shows once in a while on HBO, like Unreal Sex. They'll have... It's always that woman, and she's standing in front of a chalkboard, and she's like, the vulva is... And it's always like, oh, I'm going to... Come on, get naked. Let's go.
51:46🔗
Drew
Well, guess what? What I'm going to get at is a little bit more of like, come on, come on. Really? Come on. Give me a break here. Really? You're just saying this for television? Or do you guys really have a different experience now because somebody taught you the anatomy of the vulva?
51:59🔗
Adam
Is there any couple that has been together for, you know, eight years plus who wants to go back to school to relearn how to perform oral on their wife?
52:10🔗
Drew
Well, you know what I think? I think it could have helped if there's sort of a desire mismatch. You know, how do you make that compromise? Somebody wants to do it more, somebody wants to do it less, or has it changed over time?
52:21🔗
Drew
But that's the thing. That's something I think would be interesting to explore if people can be satisfactorily dealt with.
52:27🔗
Drew
I'm hoping that's what they're going to do. Anyways, the San Francisco area, the coach thing, in the Los Angeles area, the masturbation diaries, and you'll be on TV.
52:37🔗
Drew
I think it's just to really document, to really let people look at what one another's doing and see how they react to that. So in other words, if one is... If your wife, for instance, your wife look at your diary with the black light, it'd be like, for her it'd be like, okay, no kidding.
53:04🔗
Adam
Yeah. Second day, we couldn't even get the page. It was spot welded to the second page. Beat Off Diary, really?
53:20🔗
Yeah.
53:33🔗
Caller
Well, I guess to make a long story short, every man I pretty much ever encountered, like family-wise, friendships, anything like that, if they had a significant other, they were not faithful. This goes for pretty much every guy in my family, uncle, grandpa, dad.
53:56🔗
Drew
Well, as you just told, I'm just trying to understand what you're telling me. That's what you just said. You said every man you've ever met is not faithful. I would imagine if I felt that every potential partner had no probability of being faithful, a way to defend against that is to screw things up before you get too involved, make sure you always have another guy on the line, because God knows every guy is going to screw up as far as you're concerned.
54:31🔗
Drew
Yeah, your thinking is off, Allison, and I guarantee you there's deeper stuff than just this.
54:42🔗
Drew
Yeah. What do you do? And that's where the trust was really ruptured, and then you saw it recapitulated in reality, and what did you see? Men are not trustful, therefore I have to screw up every relationship.
55:02🔗
Adam
Hold on a second. You know, it's funny, it's like the, I work for Victoria's Secret, like I was like, ooh, hot. I'm also a bill collector. Ooh, that's a weird, that's a weird combo.
55:15🔗
Drew
We got to go in there because you have the, you have the ultra estrogenized females hanging out in there.
55:40🔗
I'm a sales girl.
55:51🔗
Drew
Yeah, but you understand we're trying to reconcile this with the bill collector side of you.
55:59🔗
Caller
Um, I guess that might be why I can't stay faithful. I don't know. Like, maybe because there's too many people to choose from. She's a ho-ho-ho.
56:07🔗
She's a ho-ho-ho. She's a ho-ho-ho.
56:08🔗
She's a ho-ho-ho.
56:09🔗
She's a ho-ho-ho.
56:09🔗
She's a ho-ho-ho.
56:11🔗
She's a ho-ho-ho.
56:12🔗
Adam
It's kind of an interesting thing. Like, let's, let's, let's, let's figure this out for a second, Drew.
56:20🔗
Adam
If a guy is young, she's 24. If a guy is 24 and a guy's number is way up there. Like, he's a great looking guy and he's just, you know, he's a pro surfer or something. It's hard to stay faithful because you got the biology.
56:43🔗
Adam
It's going to be tough. Women, what you look like in the faithful part, not quite as important because as a woman, you can have sex with anybody whenever you want. And anyway, it's just who you want to have sex with.
56:56🔗
Adam
I mean, you can go into some bar, drag some guy out and have sex with him in the parking lot any given night of the week.
57:07🔗
Adam
But it will be a guy. And if you're looking to be unfaithful, good enough for you. Right. And by the way, women, it's not so much about the way the guy looks anyway. It's more there's some emotional component that needs to be satiated and you're looking to be unfaithful so you can do it whenever you want. So you being a good looking, Allison, although an interesting theory, is probably nothing to do with why you can or can't be faithful.
57:33🔗
Adam
Unless you're so spectacular that you're just dating a guy who's a plumber and rock stars are hitting on you constantly.
57:49🔗
Adam
So your looks are probably neither here nor there, but it's more the family you grew up in.
58:02🔗
Drew
Yeah. By the way, if you do try to adjust your thinking, realize also because of your abuse history, you're going to be attracted to guys that are abusive, which will of course confirm your belief that men are not trustworthy. If you do decide to go out with a guy and have a relationship, make sure it's a boring guy. Somebody not too attracted to you because your radar is broken.
58:19🔗
Adam
And it's an age old question, which is for women, the attraction thing, I mean, she's not going to be, if you're a chick who's screwed up and you come from a screwed up environment, you're just not going to be attracted to a good guy. So therefore, it's like a certain race. It's like, well, not all black men are criminals, but if the only five you know have tried to stab you, that's the way you're going to think of the whole community. If the only handful of guys you've been with have been A-holes, you're just going to think all guys are A-holes. Untrue. Yes? Yes. You ready to rock, Drew? John?
59:22🔗
Drew
So here's a couple that should be on that masturbation diary, see? Yeah. So we can deal with that in a more healthy way.
59:54🔗
Adam
It's funny, Drew said what kind of place, because he thought maybe he didn't want to actually give out the name of the place, but then you gave the name and we have no idea what that means.
1:00:19🔗
It's a regular food-serving place, but I got 8 o'clock at night.
1:00:49🔗
Adam
Let me say this real quickly. In the new year, everything's about the new year now for me. I want... You know how I complain? The fish tacos have got me going down this route. John can wait. Believe me. We can be bored by him at any point in the show. Let me say this. I want some standardization in things like iced teas. I ordered an iced tea. I ordered an iced tea to Taco Bell the other day. You know, they did it through drive-thru. Whatever. I'm driving. Take a sip out. It tastes like just sugar and flowers. You know what I mean? It's super sacchariney, sweet, sort of hibiscusy, flowery, kind of passion fruit. And I thought, I wanted a goddamn iced tea.
1:01:32🔗
Adam
Not your, not even, yeah, not even a, it's not, I would have taken a juice, but this is a drink.
1:01:39🔗
Adam
Syrup drink, yeah. I want an iced tea. And by the way, the reason many people order an iced tea is because they don't want to drink a Coke. You know, they don't want the calories associated with drinking.
1:01:59🔗
Drew
And what if in England you sat down for tea in the afternoon, they served you a syrup, I mean, it would be a hot tea.
1:02:04🔗
Adam
Yeah, well, I wanted iced tea and what I got was high C, basically. And all I'm saying is that's their high C. I mean, that's their tea. That's their tea. And then if you go to a diner up the street and you get iced tea, you just get a regular iced tea or it could vary. It's all over the map, especially here in Los Angeles. Let's just decide on one iced tea. You know what you're getting, just like if you ordered a Coke, you'd know what you were getting, right? Please everyone join me on this iced tea crusade.
1:02:34🔗
Drew
There's no reason they couldn't have different flavors of iced tea, just the way the different flavors of soda. But you have to order that.
1:02:40🔗
Adam
You have to order that. And you got to give a heads up. Like when the guy orders the iced tea, you got to go, Oh no, ours tastes like a melted popsicle.
1:02:49🔗
Drew
That's a step you shouldn't need. It should be, do you have a specific request? No, iced tea.
1:02:54🔗
Adam
When I'm in charge, Drew, when I'm in charge, it will just be the iced tea that tastes like brewed iced tea.
1:03:03🔗
Adam
Utopia! Now, back to fish tacos. Fish tacos come one of two ways. They either come as pieces of fish inside the taco or they come battered and deep fried as pieces of fish. Oh, yes.
1:03:26🔗
Adam
All right, I'll see if I can go for two over here. Chris, first off, do you have any idea what we're talking about?
1:03:47🔗
Adam
And then you have to start getting what kind of fish tacos. You don't want the batter.
1:04:11🔗
Adam
And then you will get in the authenticity department, not necessarily in the price department. You will get the battered ones. And you will be horribly disappointed. And then you'll be sitting at home with your passion fruit, iced tea, and your battered fish tacos, and you'll be disgusted. That's what I'm saying. We need to standardize.
1:04:29🔗
Drew
We need to create that utopia you've been planning for years. Now, what are we gonna do with John here?
1:04:32🔗
Adam
First thing I'm gonna do is find out about those tacos. This could take 45 minutes. John?
1:04:38🔗
This is his wife.
1:05:24🔗
Adam
He said he met you when he was working. And when you say school, I'm going junior college. Yeah.
1:05:39🔗
Adam
Yeah, that'll let you to four-year school until you're well in your 40s. That's why I call it four-year school, right? Four.
1:05:53🔗
Oh.
1:06:18🔗
Adam
Still want to find. You know, I'm curious about the fish taco part because I just, by the way, I always check with Chris because I know, by the way, and I don't know how instinctively, Drew, like, how is it that you're able to steer your life so you never know what I'm talking about or never experience what I'm talking about? Do you find that interesting? Be careful.
1:06:36🔗
Drew
Be careful. It could be that you're steering your conversation so I never know what you're talking about. You know, it could be.
1:06:53🔗
Adam
How come Chris, and not just Chris, but everyone around here all the time, you know, except for who? You know the one guy who knows everything? Brian.
1:07:21🔗
Adam
Let's take a break. I'm going nuts with this breaded fish taco now. We'll take a break. You OK, buddy? Yeah. Let me tell you this.
1:07:33🔗
Adam
I was at a small, I was in a small fishing village in like La Paz, Mexico, where I brought home a Dorado, huge Dorado, a 55 pound Dorado. But here's the point. Sitting in a small fishing village at the most authentic outdoor, there was dirt on the ground kind of cafe. I mean, this thing couldn't have got more authentic. It was like, you know, folding table with dirt on the ground and palm fronds over your head. Food was as authentic as it could get. It was excellent. I was there with three or four fishing buddies. We're all drinking beer. They're ordering like the shrimp Diablo or whatever. I ordered the fish tacos battered.
1:08:14🔗
Adam
I guess it is. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll get back with Rebecca and her infected nipples after this. Get it on!
1:09:00🔗
Adam
No, no. Chris, Chris is a fairly narrow, I see Chris, your spectrum of information is like being in a shooting range. You know what I mean? Just a nice, long, narrow corridor. But but you hit the mark. You hit the mark.
1:09:41🔗
Adam
And, uh, no one heard that out. Yeah. What do you got in there? You got it. You don't put any money in there, do you?
1:10:06🔗
Adam
No, there was. Yeah. It was the elite went to buy the chlorine. No, I didn't need a raft.
1:10:14🔗
Adam
I just walked into that section. Drew, what'd you get? So, so Chris, you got a wallet.
1:10:54🔗
Drew
I was in the bathroom and then I was seeing a patient while I was trying to talk to you.
1:10:59🔗
Drew
No. You actually raised the question of what I was doing at times which you shouldn't have been able to hear me no matter what the device was.
1:11:36🔗
Adam
Yeah. I pay $650 a month for his car and he gave me $100. It's a weird... I mean, it makes it ironic.
1:11:44🔗
Drew
It has a weird sort of... Unfortunately, it makes you feel like he doesn't really understand what you're paying every month. It makes it seem like, was it $6,000 a year and $100? Yeah, yeah.
1:11:56🔗
Adam
At least my dad had a Jag and he gave me $100 which is fine, but it's kind of weird. Like, here's the deal. My dad doesn't really have any money, hence me leasing him a car. He's not living in a refrigerator box, but obviously he's not a rich guy or he'd be able to afford his own goddamn car. But the point is, is you got to like knit your kid a baseball hat or something.
1:12:28🔗
Adam
Homemade Christmas ornament. Yeah, do that kind of thing. That's what you got to do when people are buying you a car.
1:12:55🔗
Yeah.
1:12:57🔗
Yes, twenty-one.
1:13:02🔗
I got my nipples pierced six or seven months ago. And the piercer said to wash them with antibacterial soap and soak them in sea salt. Don't use antibiotic cream on it though, because I guess that's bad for it. So I did that.
1:13:21🔗
You stick them in just like warm water, sea salt, in like a shot glass and just hold it against your nipple.
1:13:31🔗
Drew
Nice. Good times. All right. All right. And you did use antibiotic equipment or you did not?
1:13:37🔗
Caller
Like three days ago, like I laid down and it was kind of sore and I looked at it, and it started looking a little like red and like a pus like coming out. So I freaked out and I went to our closest piercer and they're all closed because it was too late. So I went to Walgreens and the pharmacist had no clue what she was talking about, but she told me to put antibiotic cream on it, which is what they told me not to do. So I'm doing the see-saw thing again, but I don't know like.
1:14:06🔗
Drew
Well, here's the deal. I don't know why they would tell you not to put antibiotic cream, except for the fact that some of the antibiotic creams are irritating. But if you have a very effective antibiotic cream, like something called Bactroban, that would take care of the infection, period. The problem, though, is that most of these things are not infections. They're rejections of the of the piercing.
1:14:29🔗
Drew
rejection is just an infection is an immune response to having a foreign body trying to push it out of your body. infection is bacteria getting in and causing a reaction.
1:14:43🔗
Drew
It would be very hard to tell, but just looking at it. But the fact is, the fact that you haven't seen a doctor, I find bizarre, the piercings almost undoubtedly need to come out, and you probably will need some oral antibiotics in addition to antibiotic cream, because you can get very serious infections sometimes from this kind of thing.
1:15:06🔗
Adam
Alright, well just take the one out and leave the other one. It's creepy. What do you want it for? Do you think it turns guys on? Don't give me that it's for you crap. Everything you do is to try to get a guy to be one just iota more attracted to you.
1:15:22🔗
Caller
To be honest, anytime a guy has played with them, I wanted to kick them in the face, because they don't know what they're doing, first of all. So I like them because I find it fun to play with myself. Guys don't know what they're doing with them, though.
1:15:46🔗
Caller
I don't know what you talk about, though. I do know what you mean about the fish tacos, though. They have the first one down in Mexico.
1:16:03🔗
Adam
Quiet down for one second. This is, look, I don't want to just seem like Pops Corolla here. I can go back, I can put my, I can climb inside the 18-year-old brain of Adam Corolla because it's still in mine, it's the center hasn't dried yet.
1:16:19🔗
Adam
The nipple rings, here's what the nipple rings say to me as a guy. A, she's been around.
1:16:26🔗
Adam
B, she's a little nutty. No, I don't mean energy necessarily. I mean like A, I ain't the first guy to put a...
1:16:38🔗
Adam
Tongue ring is open for business, but the nipple ring even more open for business to me. So, this is not virgin soil I'm building on here. Number one. Number two, a little chaotic, a little effed up, a little angry. And number three, aesthetically, no help at all.
1:17:01🔗
Adam
Distracting. And by the way, you screwing with the one part of you we want to see, you know what I mean? Like you want to do something, monkey with your forehead, monkey with the back of your neck, your thigh, the nappy or neck. We don't care about that part. Stay away from the good parts. There's a couple of parts as a guy we want to see. The stuff that they tile over when people are naked, that's the part you shouldn't be monkeying with. Those are the only parts that we really want to see. Do whatever you want to your fingers, do whatever you want to your scalp, do monkey with your nose if you like, but really work that nappy, nape in the back of your, is it nape or nape in the back of the neck there. Work with that part, we don't care about that part, in the earlobes and stuff. You got the right thing with the piercings on the earlobes. Do whatever you want.
1:17:48🔗
Adam
That's right, the frenulum between the thumb and the finger. Fine, but the nipple, that's really one of the parts we don't want monkeyed with. Yes?
1:17:59🔗
Drew
Oh, it was gonna be another plea. 1-800-LLVE-191, we're still looking for a couple to keep a masturbation diary, who live in the Southern California area and in the San Francisco area, a couple who's willing to be coached about their sexuality.
1:18:11🔗
Adam
Alright, you ready to rock? Who we talking to? Boyfriend doesn't trust her because she's kissed another guy? Alright. Stan?
1:18:51🔗
Adam
I said a guy from Idaho. No, I think of Idaho as a place where they really do some big snoring.
1:19:00🔗
Adam
Well, you got the name Stan. You got the, as from Idaho, you got these going into the army. And you think you all put those three things together. You got snoring.
1:19:11🔗
Caller
Oh, not a whole lot. I was talking to one of my buddies. I leave Wednesday for boot camp in Georgia. And I got informed that they inject you with some crap that makes you not go stiff. That whole time. And Georgia is like all infantry and all those guys. So we have no women in boot camp. So I sure as heck don't want to go stiff. But I don't want something messing me up later on.
1:19:35🔗
Drew
Well, as you know, Stan, we live in a very litigious society. And it's not likely that they're going to give you something that's going to hurt you and you're not get, and them not get sued.
1:19:43🔗
Drew
So they're not going to give you something that is harmful to you, nor is it their desire to do it.
1:19:49🔗
Drew
Supposedly, but listen, the last thing they want to do is, look, to the infantry is to decrease their aggression. That's what you want to do, make them less aggressive? No, you make them more irritable, more aggressive. Of course.
1:20:04🔗
Caller
After that, basically, I get two weeks off of boot camp and then I report to my station. And probably within the next year, yeah, I'll go to Iraq.
1:20:22🔗
Get on your knees, scumbag.
1:20:24🔗
Adam
Look, here's the whole thing about this man's army. Not a bad gig compared to whatever your options were, which is not an Ivy League school. It's a carpet cleaning with the Ace man at 18 or going to junior college with engineer Chris over here. Although he's 28. These are your options. junior college, flipping burgers, or going into the military. Going into the military, pretty viable. Absolutely. Sucking a little bit during wartime, I got to say. But still probably a better option. I know guys who went in the military, they, you know, first off, you get like medical and dental for the rest of your life, pretty much. You get, it's easy to get loans and things like that. Like if you want to buy a house. You know, people don't really think about that crap.
1:21:19🔗
Adam
There's tons of junk that you give up that, you know, 18 to 22 or 20 to 24, whatever those years where all you've been doing is smoking pot out of a makeshift bong and going to junior college and doing nothing. Go do that. Yeah. You'll get out of there with something.
1:21:35🔗
Drew
Now, what he may be talking about, though, there are certain vaccines and anti anthrax medications, things that have been implicated in this sort of Gulf War syndrome, creating fatigue and erectile dysfunction and whatnot. I suspect that may really be what he's talking about. And I don't believe there's been any of that in this go around with the Iraq War, the kinds of problems that saw with the Gulf War.
1:21:59🔗
Drew
Yeah, what about it? I went down as you instructed me during the last week, we were together. You told me to go down to Indonesia and check things out.
1:22:05🔗
Adam
Yeah. I mean, how many... Now, what's going on? Is it disease now? Is that what's getting everybody?
1:22:11🔗
Drew
They're worried about the water supply being contaminated. There's sort of a mistake. Mistakenly, people think that somehow all the dead bodies are going to harm them, which the fact is they're going to smell bad and they're going to putrefy. But any infectious disease that you could contract are dead in those organs, in the dead bodies by now.
1:22:30🔗
Drew
They live in the live organisms. But because the water, there's no fresh water, people are going to get shigella and cholera and other oral fecal routes, contaminations that cause these horrible diarrheal illnesses.
1:22:43🔗
Adam
Yeah. You know, I was thinking, when I was thinking, I was thinking today that a tsunami and a tidal wave are the same thing.
1:22:52🔗
Adam
And then I was thinking a dead end and a cul-de-sac are the same thing. It's all about what your neighborhood is.
1:22:58🔗
Adam
And you want to be in a cul-de-sac, tidal wave neighborhood, not the tsunami dead end neighborhood. So it's sort of the same place. Yeah.
1:23:20🔗
Adam
Because that means you're in a nice neighborhood. Like it's great. And I know people live on a cul-de-sac up in the hills. It's like, ooh, nice cul-de-sac.
1:23:42🔗
Adam
No, no. I'm talking about the houses. No. And by the way, they usually have a little turnaround room in those. It's really just nice neighborhoods decide to get rid of them. Really, there's a negative, I don't even think there's a difference that way. I just think there's a horribly negative connotation of calling somebody, if you're trying to sell a $2 million house, it's tough calling it a dead end.
1:24:07🔗
Caller
You know, the funny thing about tidal waves is they changed the name to tsunami because tidal waves are the only things that weren't caused by the tides, they're caused by the shifts in the earth.
1:24:19🔗
Adam
Yeah. I never. And by the way, here's how retarded I am. I. Tidal wave for some reason, I never connected with the tide part. I don't know. Maybe I heard it too early. I don't know. You know, anyone has seen the Poseidon Adventure?
1:24:41🔗
Drew
No. Does this name mean anything to you? Ernest Borgdine. I've heard of them. Heard of them?
1:24:53🔗
Adam
No, no. You've not heard of the movie title. You've not heard of the movie. What was it?
1:25:00🔗
Adam
No. Okay. So that's what I'm talking about. That's the interesting thing about engineer Chris. I wouldn't expect him to have seen the movie, but.
1:25:23🔗
Drew
Interesting. Interesting. The. The Adam, you have to consider that in 1973, when you were watching Poseidon Adventure, they'd be like asking you about a film from 1948.
1:25:43🔗
Adam
You say it. But here's the, here's number one. I don't even know if I saw it in the theater, by the way. I probably didn't.
1:25:54🔗
Adam
Let me explain something. Let me explain something, Drew. I had to sit at home when I was young, and decide, I didn't decide whether I went to movies or not. My parents decided on whether we got in a car, started the car, drove it to the theater, paid for tickets, and then sat in the theater.
1:26:16🔗
Adam
That's not going to happen. So there weren't a whole lot of movies seen later on, on television, that kind of stuff. So I'm not so sure I saw that one in the theater. And secondly, Engineer Chris is 11, 12 years younger than I am. He's not 20 years younger than I am. And number B and number D or number F, I've heard of Ben Hur. You see what I'm saying? I've heard of the Ten Commandments. I didn't see him in the theater. Wizard of Oz, the list goes on. Okay. Take ourselves a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Loveline! Yeah, get it on! Adam, that's Dr. Drew.
1:27:38🔗
Drew
We'll have to percolate on this. Because he's in the sub, in the trunk of a Duesenberg.
1:27:52🔗
Yeah.
1:27:58🔗
All right.
1:28:00🔗
Yes.
1:28:02🔗
I was wondering, I've been with my boyfriend for six years, and he doesn't turn me on.
1:28:12🔗
You think? Just by that?
1:28:15🔗
Drew
Well, you've been together since you're 18, six years, and it's not going anywhere. I don't know. Sometimes your body tells you more than you're willing to admit to yourself, particularly when you're younger and you kind of don't know when a relationship is wrapping up. You don't know how to end it. You've been together forever. You can't imagine being with anybody else, and yet you're not really into this guy. You're really not. You're telling us that explicitly.
1:28:36🔗
Caller
Really? Well, the thing is, I'm so attracted to him. Like when I, I mean, I don't know, I'm just not horny.
1:28:50🔗
Caller
I'm wondering, well, I'm wondering if it's me. I mean, the fact that he can't give me an orgasm, is it him or is it me who's not able to?
1:29:05🔗
Drew
That's most women, it's all women, pretty much. I mean, that's what happened. It's only about 30, 40% of women ever have an orgasm with intercourse.
1:29:14🔗
Adam
And by the way, For certainly the root category. Myra's got issues, she's calling from Bakersfield, so you know there's trouble. But you know when people phrase things like, he can't give me an orgasm, what is that? What is that? Who is that person?
1:29:41🔗
Adam
Yeah, you know what I mean. What's going on? You sound like you're getting ready to go to junior college.
1:30:11🔗
Adam
All right. Yeah, when in Rome. So you've been with a guy for six years since you were 18. Seems like it's run its course. And by the way, you're going to have to marry him if you stay together for another 18 months. Because then it's weird. You know what I mean? And you got that little girl voice. You got some Asian in you or were you molested?
1:31:13🔗
Adam
No, okay. It's coming together a little bit now. And he gives you oral sex, gives you an orgasm, but nothing through intercourse.
1:31:22🔗
Drew
Which again, it was a normal sort of thing, and yet you're disappointed by it. You don't feel complete with the relationship. You still feel like unfulfilled, like there's something missing and you're not turned on, even though you're very attracted and blah, blah, blah, and defend the relationship deeply.
1:32:01🔗
Adam
No smarter couple ever sounded dumber. All right, he's an engineer. Now you thinking about marrying him?
1:32:16🔗
Drew
Maybe you at least need some time off from this relationship. I'm not saying you have to leave him, but it just, what we hear is, you're not as into this emotionally as you ought to be, or certainly would want to be.
1:32:25🔗
Adam
I'm hearing almost a culturally conflicted person, somebody whose culture that came from said, you hook up, you stay with one guy, you get with a guy at 18, you put in some years, you get married and you call it a life.
1:32:39🔗
Adam
No, we'll ruin you out here. Oh yeah. We'll turn you out. Yeah, that should be our whole thing. Turning out hoes since 1776. All right, we will turn you out in this country. Oh yeah. And no, you'll watch a little too much of the E Channel and just go, screw it. I want to be with Charlie Sheen once before I tie the knot. Yeah. She's there. And if that's where you're at, it's going to be tough. Even if you change, the memory will never change. And you'll just think that's what you always want it.
1:33:20🔗
Adam
We'll take ourselves a quick break. Be right back after this. Well, that's it. That's the show. We're back, and this time, we're out for blood.
1:34:00🔗
Drew
Well, don't think about it too much, because that'll spoil it, if you just sort of script it.
1:34:05🔗
Adam
Somehow, when the beach hits Arab soil, and they're gonna bring the cars, the very expensive cars, the salt in the Brunei's house, chasing through the city in the vintage automobiles.
1:34:23🔗
Adam
Then the tsunami. We'll take a little extendo break. We'll be right back in about 22 hours. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. What's he do?
1:34:45🔗
Adam
The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline. This has been Loveline.