0:56🔗
Voiceover
Loveline is meant for an adult audience. Loveline may contain sexually oriented content. Sexually oriented content.
1:19🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. When we do the best stuff, we get to stay home. For me, I get to stare at the TiVo and get drunk. For Drew, he gets to follow his kids around and live his life vicariously through the eyes of three young, beautiful triplets. So, and you guys get the best of Loveline. So, without any further ado, here it is. The best of Loveline.
1:47🔗
Hey, everybody.
1:48🔗
Adam
Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Drew's telling me how he's going to set up surveillance cameras in his house. Let's get started 13 and try to catch them.
2:02🔗
Adam
Yeah. Give them an eating disorder, Drew. Let them grow. Let me tell you something, man. If you love something, you set it free, man. If it comes back, then it's true love. You know what I'm saying?
2:28🔗
Yeah.
2:30🔗
Yeah.
2:32🔗
Adam
You usually actually set people free because you don't love them that much. That's usually how it works.
2:38🔗
Court? Yep.
3:16🔗
Caller
The gynecologist gave her tools, I guess, what you would call them, said, I want you to use these and this will help, you know, get you ready for sex. Alright. I believe you.
3:34🔗
Caller
They look kind of like syringes because they don't have the tip on the end and they start small and get bigger and bigger.
3:40🔗
Yeah.
3:54🔗
Adam
I tell you, if you can be bigger than the biggest crotch stretcher, that's a feather in your cap. You know what I mean?
4:03🔗
Adam
It's like they don't make underpants my size, sweetie pea. That's nice. Yeah, it's nice when you go, you know, it's like, oh, yeah, I know condoms. I can't buy them off the shelf. I gotta have them made.
4:22🔗
Adam
Oh, how does it work? They take an impression. There's a fluffer. You just drop it in a wax mold. It can burn a little bit, but they do it. And then they do what? A negative mold. And then they dump the plaster Paris into that. And then they end up dumping the acrylic over that.
4:43🔗
Drew
They used to make vaginas when they mailed the female transsexuals. They'd have them sit on these acrylic devices.
5:49🔗
Adam
Well, here's the whole thing about religion. Religion is like a blonde chick who's going by on a motorcycle. You go, wow, smoking hot chick just went by on a motorcycle. And if you get up close on up to it, like they stop and you walk around, you find out it's a dude most of the time. Or at least they have bad skin and crooked teeth and stretch marks. Better they just keep moving. just keep moving. If you examine it, that's when it gets a little bad.
6:17🔗
Adam
Mormons, great. You start talking about Smith and his methods and what he did. You start scratching beneath the surface. It gets a little dicey.
6:26🔗
Drew
As they said in South Park, which was, if you can't... The Mormon child in the South Park episode said he has a good life, loves his family, has a church to the spouse, is good things. And so you have a problem with how that got started.
6:40🔗
Adam
That's right. All right. We'll see you there. Jeff, I just want to know how you can all be right. How can all of you be right? Or all be wrong.
6:50🔗
Adam
Well, you're all... I mean, you're all right. The Mormons, the Jews, Islam, it's all... They're all right.
6:58🔗
Adam
All right. Everyone's right. Everyone's right. You're all right. Think about that for a minute.
7:04🔗
Drew
Well, but the Christians were clear that everyone else is wrong. Everyone else going to hell.
7:09🔗
Adam
So great. Jeff, all I want is please everyone with the reverence for these nut jobs, these mental patients known as fundamentalists. just let's start verbally abusing them, please.
7:21🔗
Drew
Do you know that fundamentalism only exists in certain countries? And America is one of the few where there is such a thing as fundamentalism.
7:29🔗
Adam
You know how we freely make fun of fat people in this culture? Let's take some of that and turn it toward the religious folk. That's all. They deserve to be laughed at. That's all. Let's stop nodding our heads and pretending like we respect whatever the retarded ideology is. Jeff? Yeah. You're 22?
7:49🔗
Drew
But not so much the retarded ideology. Let's let people have their own retarded ideology. But let's not excuse every sin as soon as you bring up God. You know what I'm saying?
7:59🔗
Drew
I'm a drug addict. I'm abusing my interns or whatever. I'm going to ask for forgiveness. Oh, good. Thank you.
8:07🔗
Adam
just everyone, shut your goddamn pie holes when it comes to your own retarded faith. Please, just shut your pie hole. Jeff?
8:28🔗
Caller
I've been married for four years now and I love my wife very, very, very much. And we live with my in-laws, which is unfortunate for me. And we're looking to get our own place only in Southern California. It's really, really hard. Departments are really expensive and I'm a full-time truck driver. I make decent money, but it takes two incomes to get a place, you know, and she works part-time and goes to school and she goes to school more than she works. And that's fine. You know, I want her to pursue what it is that she wants.
9:05🔗
Come on, Biden. Hold on a second.
9:10🔗
All right.
9:26🔗
Adam
And how much do you make? because I was thinking about this the other day. I really was thinking about being a truck driver.
9:44🔗
Adam
$700, $800 a week. Seems like you could do a little better than that, drive an 18-wheeler.
9:57🔗
Adam
I just thought truck drivers, it's gonna be more like $1,000, $1,200 a week. You're, I mean, you're working long weeks, right?
10:09🔗
Adam
So you drive, is there a, can you move up? Can you get some sort of a hazardous material license or something, get certified?
10:29🔗
Adam
I know it seems like more than 13, but what I mean is he's probably working 55, 60 hours a week driving all over.
10:36🔗
Adam
You're going to make more money. She's going to make more money. You're living at home. You want to move out to Southern California. Everything's too expensive.
10:43🔗
Caller
Yeah. And I, you know, I told her that, you know, maybe if she stopped going to school right now and worked a little more with both our incomes, we could get our own place.
10:56🔗
Caller
It's just so expensive to move out. You know, you got to, you know, apartments like $1,000, $1,200. And then they want security posits that's almost, you know, the same as the first month's rent. And then you got to get all your utilities hooked up. So we're looking at least three grand to move out, you know, just to get started.
11:39🔗
Adam
He thinks pathology. He means like he looks himself as a pathologist because he drives on a paved road.
11:57🔗
Caller
I don't know. Something like that. Crime scene, you know, something CSI. I don't know. Something along those lines.
12:06🔗
Adam
So here's the plan. Get her out of that junior college. She goes to work. Maybe she just goes, here's the beauty about junior college. You're never graduating, so it doesn't matter when you leave or when you come back. It's an open door. Remember, remember in the old Mayberry series?
12:34🔗
Adam
Otis, the town drunk, would just let himself into in and out of it. He'd come in after a night of drinking, he'd walk in, he'd walk right into a cell and slam the door right in front. That's what junior college is. Don't worry that cell door will be open. You stagger in drunk whenever you want. Do it in your 40s, do it in your 80s. It doesn't matter. You can leave at any time. There's no punishment. There's no window that ever closes. Average age at a junior college is 85.
13:01🔗
Drew
It's just like there's a course of study you got to complete in a certain period of time. There's nothing like that there.
13:05🔗
Adam
No. My mom went to Valley College. You know what she majored in? Walking in a circle and waiting to die.
13:15🔗
Adam
They would just walk. It would be hurt. They would just keep walking in a circle until people fell.
13:34🔗
Adam
What's wrong with it? She looks like Tom Petty. That's what's wrong with it. She's got blue eyes and limped straight hair. She's like, God, if she walks near a sundial, she gets sunburned. The sun, she's got to wear a pantomime hat.
14:06🔗
No, mine is Communications.
14:11🔗
Drew
I think it's going to be Math. He was studying. He was getting advice on what courses he was supposed to. I could tell that's what he was doing.
14:31🔗
That's not Mr. Miyagi.
14:35🔗
Adam
Oh, look. There's any balding Asian guy who's over 65 and over 180 pounds. Looks like Mr. Miyagi. Let's face it.
14:49🔗
Drew
But he looked a lot like him. Or at least he did. The respect that Chris was showing him, which I've not ever seen in this studio, was reminding me of that sort of an interaction.
14:57🔗
Adam
Here's all I'm saying. Your wife drops out of junior college and don't call it community college, call it junior college. It makes it easier to turn your back on. She goes to work and you guys move out. You get a place. Here's the whole thing about all that. Save up a few bucks and move out. No one is ever really ready to move out. You just move out. You make it work. Let me impart a little philosophy on everybody. I'm going to say this to you, Drew. Am I boring you, Drew? Yes. Go ahead.
15:27🔗
Adam
Here's the deal. Chris, listen up, buddy. I'm here. Okay. People spend their lives sort of not overextending themselves. Like, I don't want to move out until I'm totally ready. That car, that car is about 80 bucks a month too expensive for me. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do that. Here's the thing. Go ahead and do it and let it motivate you. I know Drew thinks I'm irresponsible.
15:56🔗
Drew
This is what happened when we moved in our house. Is that exactly what I say to you? just do it. just do it. Let me, let me, let me. To me, and somebody else said to me exactly what you're saying. They said, you know what? just you ought to challenge yourself and see if you can do it. I thought, wow, I've never thought of that kind of move in those terms.
16:11🔗
Adam
Look, I will say this to everybody who's thinking about buying, who's been renting for the last 20 years. I have my electrician, Jose, bought himself a house in like Sun Valley. He's got a family and a whole bit. Came to me about three years ago. He said, Hefe. Calls me the Hefe.
16:28🔗
Adam
I like that. Yeah, he said, I got this house. It's out in Sun Valley. It needs some work. I'm thinking about buying, but I'm not sure because of the payment. I said, do it. just do it. just do it. just go get it. just go get it. And he said, well, I don't know. I'm really worried because I don't. I said, when have you not paid your rent? When have you not made your monthly payment? You always do. You always figure it out. You always, you know, as a human, you fantasize about failing much more than you actually ever fail. Drew, you spent a whole life creating elaborate fantasies about failure, yet you never fail. And that's only maybe you use it as a motivational tool. But it's always, how am I going to do this? Can I afford the car? You didn't want to get the car. You enjoy the car, but you didn't want the car. Now, I know the house, kind of enjoy the house. No, you put the challenge in front and you step up. That's the kind of person you are. You're not you're not some skid row junkie. You're a person who takes care of business. And I told this to Jose, the electrician. I said, get the house and you'll make it work. You'll figure it out. Believe me, you'll thank me. And every time I see the guy now, when I'm not yelling at him to put stuff in, he cursed me because his wife left him. He's destitute.
17:37🔗
Adam
Actually wonder if he could crash in my van. No, he says to me, first off, he bought the house for like 118 grand. It's worth 400 now, which is a nice chunk of change. When you don't have anything in the bank, number one. And he just says, you're right. I just made the payment, just like I made the payment at the apartment. I worked a little harder. I figured out it motivated me and it's easy. I don't even know why I even thought about it. I hear people hemming and hawing about buying a condo or a house or car goes on and on and on. The calendar pages fly by, 10 years goes by. Everything just goes up. That's right. Forget it. just go do it and you'll make it work. Challenge yourself. I'm not saying go over Niagara Falls in a barrel. I'm saying move out of your in-laws house, get an apartment, you'll pay the bills. That's it. You roll your sleeves up.
18:29🔗
Hi.
18:33🔗
My mom's addicted to Vicodin and Valium.
18:37🔗
Yeah.
18:39🔗
She's had seizures from it before and like.
18:55🔗
So.
18:58🔗
No.
18:58🔗
Drew
She has to go to treatment. This is not something that's going to. I wrote a book. I wrote a book. No, no, listen. I wrote a book about this exact situation called When Pain Killers Become dangerous. And it's much more of a medical book, a sort of a specific discussion of exactly why this happens, how it happens, how you treat it, how you get somebody into treatment. I wrote it with a bunch of doctors with the Hazelton Organization, When Pain Killers Become dangerous. But Adam, earlier I was going to say something about-
19:33🔗
All right.
19:35🔗
Okay.
19:40🔗
Drew
No, let me finish my thought for a second. It was referring back to that crazy guy that was creating the chaos, the white threat. Colleen should go to Al-Anon or some sort of 12-step codependency treatment process and find an addiction specialist in your area who can maybe refer you to a treatment center. She'll need to be detoxed in a hospital. But I was thinking about this guy and his chaos. I know he's a jackass. That guy that was dating the ex-girlfriend and the Stephanie, remember Stephanie, a few calls ago. And I thought to myself, this is a statement, and I smell addiction to there too. I farted. Yeah. And I heard a great, great definition to have a difference between an addict and an alcoholic. An alcoholic will steal your money. An addict will steal your money and then come back the next day and help you look for it. You're good.
20:35🔗
Adam
By the way, that's one of those ones, by the way, where you go, yeah. Oh, yeah. And then you walk away and you go, what the eff is he? What is it? Maybe.
20:45🔗
Adam
No, it's like, it's good, but it's not so good that you know why it's good. It's just good.
20:50🔗
Drew
It just is a subtle, you know, any addict will start, will lie. All addicts lie. So alcoholics, they all lie. But the addict, as opposed to the alcoholic, goes, takes it, he takes it to the, the almost absurd sociopath. Yeah. They're not sociopaths because when the addictions get better, they stop all that stuff.
21:14🔗
Adam
As you focus, hold on a second. Let me say something. When you've mastered the ah-hahs, then we could move in to the casual yes-ands in the conversation. You know what I mean? Like, I see. I see.
21:33🔗
Adam
No, no, no. We've not begun to master the uh-huh. We need at least, I'll tell you, we need a good like eight clean uh-huhs.
21:48🔗
Adam
We need about a good eight, good clean eight ones. And then, then we can start getting to the, oh, I see. See what I'm saying?
22:12🔗
Yeah.
22:15🔗
Yeah.
22:20🔗
Caller
Okay. I have a question for Dr. Drew. I am a student at the University of Colorado, and I was actually kind of inspired to call from a caller that called in a little while ago asking about Adderall. I was diagnosed when I was 15 with ADHD, and they had me on Adderall for the longest time, and I started abusing it. I'm pretty sure that they had me on a drug right now called Stratera. Supposedly, it's the only drug they have out there for ADHD that's not a stimulant, and I don't think-
22:51🔗
Drew
Well, I've seen people abuse Stratera, so I don't let my patients use Stratera. I don't. Now, it's mild and it's not supposed to, but I've seen it over and over again, and it's a problem.
23:11🔗
Drew
Kristen has to say, but if you are an addict, you should not be on Stem and it's period. You should be in a 12-step program. You should be dealing with the addiction, and magically, a lot of your stuff will get better. ADD, ADHD, and the setting of addiction is routine. Pretty much all addicts have ADD, ADHD symptoms. Liz, hi.
23:43🔗
Caller
So, I mean, I can understand you. That's pretty tempting, and I know how he is. He's pretty, you know, he's, he's flirtatious, you know, and I was just thinking, am I stupid for, you know, still being with him? I talked to his sister and she even said, she's like, you know what, he really feels something for you. And like, even before we got together, we were like best friends. We were just great together, you know?
24:04🔗
I feel his heart.
24:10🔗
Adam
Wait a second. Well, we're going to figure out how Liz figured out her 18 year old boyfriend. I got a little kissy kissy on a 30 year old. And, you know, it's weird, but if you're young, the adult thing is kind of like you get a little bit of a pass. Little bit.
24:35🔗
Adam
No, it's just if you're 18 and your girlfriend's 16 and you start diddling one of her 16 or 17 year old friends, you're screwed. If you do it with like someone who's like the man, I mean, mom's like, here's the deal. When you're 16, remember what you thought? How old were 30 year olds when you were 16? A 130?
24:58🔗
Adam
Age? Like you're 30. Let me tell you something. So when did you graduate high school? You've been out of high school for 14 years? Forget about it. You're done. 12 years. Here's the whole thing. You could fathom people. Here's how it went. When you're 16, there's people that graduated last year. There are people that graduated the year before that. You can go back like two years and then there's your mom and dad's friends. Well, it just jumps up.
25:28🔗
Adam
You're just old. You go, graduate the year before, graduate the year before that, dad's friend from work. That's golf buddy. So the idea that you can get on with one of those people, I think you get a pass. Drew, I mean, Chris, am I right?
25:50🔗
Adam
We'll take a quick break. We'll get back with Liz and her cheating beau after this. Oh, I was just complaining.
26:25🔗
Adam
One time, Merrill and I went out to eat, and I ordered an iced tea, and it brought me Diet Coke. And then I said to you, boy, I wish I'd had the iced tea. I wish it brought me the iced tea, but I still drank the Diet Coke.
26:45🔗
Adam
Remember that time? I think we were on the road. I'm sure we were in Cincinnati or where we were.
26:55🔗
Drew
Yeah, having you complain was just, I mean, I was so shocked that I remember to this day.
27:02🔗
Adam
Okay. Hey, everybody, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Back to the phones we go. We're gonna speak to Liz, who's calling from beautiful Kanoka Park. By the way, 71 degrees out there. Liz? Okay, so your boyfriend's 18, and he kissed a woman, a 30-year-old.
27:28🔗
Caller
Yeah, he actually broke up with me before he told me, and he lied to me. He said that it was because he's going to work and school and all this, and he's like, you know, I don't think it's fair, that I'm not gonna have time for you, blah, blah, blah. And then later, a few days later, he came over and just admitted it to me.
28:17🔗
Caller
No, he's living with the roommate's family. She's like 30 years old and she has kids and stuff.
28:44🔗
Drew
And he moves in and pays rent. Got that? Slow down, slow down, slow down. He moved out of his house and he moved into hers.
29:00🔗
Caller
His family gives him a lot of problems, like they're into his business and like it's too much, you know, so he just decided to move out and he's just renting a room.
29:09🔗
Adam
I'm guessing his business is stuff that they should be into because it's probably not good.
29:29🔗
Caller
Yeah. I'm sure he didn't because I know him pretty good. I know that he can lie to me. I know when he lies. And I talk to his sisters. I talk to his mom.
29:46🔗
Adam
All right. And there's probably a little more to him moving out of the house than parents being into his business. Parents probably have found a hydroponic pot farm in...
30:02🔗
Caller
No, I know his family. They get in his business a lot. Like, they even get in my business. And I'm not even part of the family. So he has all the reason the world can move out of here.
30:23🔗
Adam
Okay. I don't trust this guy that much. I worry a little about you. This guy's 18, you're 16. That's two years. That's a fairly big two years, but it's even bigger when the guy's living with the 30 year olds. And believe me, this is white trash, these 30 year olds he's shacking up with. I don't trust him at all. Where's the dad?
30:57🔗
Adam
Yeah. I don't like these chicks. I'm like smelling meth on these chicks. And look, whenever you have to rent the room out, there's trouble. And whose house is it? Is it? It's their parents' house, right? Who kicked off or something?
31:29🔗
Adam
Right. Okay. Now, I got the part where she's renting the room out. I just want to know where she got a house. Guaranteed.
31:38🔗
Adam
Yeah. She had her parents killed. All right. Something's screwing and she's a nurse, so she's nuts. I don't trust it. I don't like this. And this is not right for you. How about you just date a nice high school guy? Why do you got it? You're 16. What do you got to be an old lady for? All right. Look, Liz, just please listen to me. I'm a genius. You're marginal. You're not a complete idiot, but you're 16 and you're calling from Canoga Park. So there's got to... You can't be that smart. Here's the thing. Act like you're in high school, would you? Stop being such a grown up. Yeah. This guy's trouble. He's going to screw with you. He's going to cheat. He's going to get you pregnant. just find a nice 16 year old guy from high school, plays on the football team.
32:27🔗
Adam
And he broke up. Can he do that? All right. Listen, I can hear the white trash oozing from reports. Eesh. That's bad. Yeah. The whole grow up thing too fast. Disaster.
32:39🔗
Drew
It's more than that, though. It's the chaos. Gotta have the chaos and the drama and the...
33:02🔗
Caller
Here, about two or three weeks ago, I had an abortion done. And the guy that I was with when I had it done, he just, he argued we fought, he hit, and just, I feel bad for what I did, but I don't.
33:39🔗
Adam
So now what? By the way, present your dad with the golden boot to the sack medallion, would you please?
33:48🔗
Adam
just give him a nice swift kick in the nuts if you ever see him again, because he did a horrible job.
34:11🔗
Drew
Even though the sort of prevailing wisdom is that women don't have a depressive reaction or any kind of remorse after having abortion, and I've never talked to a woman that doesn't have very, very strong feelings about it. And their bodily base feeling is more than some sort of morality issue. They feel the departure. At what point? Even early in the pregnancy, there's a relationship of some type, there's some sort of chemical reaction and when they go from pregnant to not pregnant, they feel an intense sense of loss. Of course. I've seen it a billion times. Every woman I take their history from, when I say how many times you're pregnant, they say six times, how many children you have, they say two, and I go, what happened to the other four? They look down, they remorsefully start tearing up, they react, they get intense.
35:07🔗
Drew
But that's my point. If there were no reaction, you know, it would have been well-luck years later.
35:18🔗
Adam
But how naive can we be to think that a woman can, you know, come get into the state of pregnancy and then just have it vacuumed out of her and walk away free and clear physically and emotionally? I mean, obviously, think about what a tall order that is for women.
35:33🔗
Drew
Yeah, but the point is we want to believe that, well, if we didn't have all the social conditions that we had that makes women feel the way they do, nonsense.
35:47🔗
Drew
And of course, as you say, Adam, it's a tall order to think that there'd be zero reaction to that.
35:53🔗
Adam
Zero. Women freak out when they have their period, for Christ's sake. Imagine having a kid vacuumed out of their uterus. Thank you. Jay. Yeah? You did the right thing, though. All that being said, you're 16. This guy's 21. He's a criminal. Now, here's the whole thing. Let me say this to everybody. You have remorse. Fine. Don't spiral into some sort of shame or depression thing. Use this as a motivator. A, don't get pregnant again. I wish everybody could do this. Like, oh, you don't like this feeling. You had the abortion. It was expensive. It was emotional. It was physically taxing. Good. Remember this. Here's everything.
36:38🔗
Adam
Nothing is, is, okay, okay. This is a tragedy. And maybe you'll carry this with you for some time, maybe forever. It becomes a real tragedy if you make the mistake again or if it doesn't serve as a motivator to do something.
36:54🔗
Adam
So if this serves as motivation for you to get in better relationships, if this serves as motivation for you to use protection, if this serves as motivation for you to make something of yourself, then fine. It's still a tragedy, but it turned out to be a motivator that got you on the right track. If this just makes you depressed and you have more sex with more strangers with less protection and you get five more abortions, then you might as well just take yourself out now. So there. Let it motivate you. Let all the F up things. Every time you F up, you get popped for a DUI, horrible thing, bad thing. Maybe it'll get you into treatment. If it gets you into treatment, it's a good thing. It really is. If it just makes you depressed and you want to drink more, and you get another five DUIs, then it's a bad thing. You see what I'm saying? Use it. Use it as a tool. Am I right, Chris? Uh-huh.
37:46🔗
Adam
We'll be right back after this. Drew, how much money do guys spend trying to get chicks?
38:30🔗
Best Of
My question is, is there such a thing as a sex addict? And if there is, how can you tell if that person is a sex addict?
38:37🔗
Drew
Sex addicts with women usually come to sexual addiction through love and intimacy compulsion. Sex addicts usually were addicted to a chemical first. They always have to have a family history of addiction or alcoholism. And they always have a history of sexual abuse in childhood.
38:59🔗
Drew
So sexual addiction is really about being an addict and having a progressive focus on this behavior in spite of its consequences.
39:06🔗
Adam
What about this? What about just abandoning father and every male becomes your daddy who you're trying to get the attention of?
39:13🔗
Drew
Well, but maybe she didn't see sexual abuse because at 12 she was with a 19-year-old and that's where the sexual abuse starts.
39:37🔗
Best Of
Yes. I live in southern Philippines and you know how there's a war going on. We didn't know if it was random killing or if it was somebody was just not at my dad. But it was a grenade and he blew up.
40:36🔗
Best Of
I actually do, but he does not, well, we don't really see each other much and we don't do much either.
40:52🔗
Drew
You understand to be a sexual compulsive or sexual addict, you have to have lots of sex.
40:57🔗
Best Of
I know. Well, I don't know. All I know is that since I was seven, I've been really horny. I didn't even know what horny meant until I was 16. And I lost my virginity at 17 and I loved it.
41:17🔗
Best Of
All right. And it's just, yeah, my two boyfriends have been really like there for me. And then ever since I got to America, it was just like, it was weird because the guys...
41:33🔗
Adam
You're freaking yourself out. You're horny for your culture. You're not horny for our culture.
41:37🔗
Best Of
No, okay. Well, I have two boyfriends, but I do not say I was fateful with those two.
42:12🔗
Best Of
Yeah. Oh, you see, I have a problem. I do not masturbate. And right now, I do not know how, because it turns me off. So I need a penis.
42:27🔗
Adam
What about your Christian boyfriend? I'm not done with him. What, he won't have sex with you?
42:47🔗
Best Of
That was a long time ago. That was when I was young. Like right now, I'm 25 and- All right.
42:53🔗
Adam
Yeah. Here's the thing. You need no boyfriend. You need a nice vibrator and a good job. What do you do? Are you working? Are you going to school?
43:06🔗
Adam
Excellent. All right. And what do you want to do? Do you want to do any hobbies? You want to do something?
43:21🔗
Adam
Buy a condo. Do something. focus on something. Break up with this guy and focus on something. You're not as nutty as you think you are.
43:39🔗
What a delight.
43:41🔗
Adam
Me and five born-again's installing closets. I should have killed myself. I should have fallen on a closet pole. I had some dignity. Sharpened it up on the grinder and just fell on it.
43:54🔗
Yes.
44:03🔗
Caller
Actually, it's about the pills that are supposed to make your breasts larger and fuller.
44:10🔗
Drew
No, they don't. But sometimes birth control pills, there's something estrogen-containing pills will sometimes do that in some women.
45:04🔗
Adam
Look, I really mean it. I really do think that I was, I was trying to forget and forget these calls, Drew.
45:12🔗
Adam
All right, I'll be fast. Listen, people, girls, girls need hobbies. Being attractive to men is not a hobby.
45:24🔗
Adam
Save some money and buy a condo. Yeah. So focus on something. Guys work on cars, guys build houses, guys have all kinds of stuff. And we, we screw, but we have all these other things. You just being presentable to the opposite sex or making yourself more alluring to the opposite sex can't be a full time job for you.
46:01🔗
Drew
Yeah. Okay. Well, there you go. Antidepressants don't work that well for, okay, they're helpful, but they don't take things away when you've got addiction and or personality.
46:47🔗
Adam
Good. That's a good thing. just go to therapy. Please go to therapy. All right. It's a quick break. Be right back.
48:33🔗
Adam
Every day I go into work and we'll go, are you watching The Shield? No. Are you watching Six Feet Under? No. You're watching The Amazing Race? No. Oh, they're great. They're great. They're all great. Yeah, I know. I know. Here's the deal. I watch nine hours of TV a day. I still can't squeeze in all these other great shows. I don't know what to do. I don't even want to get going on Tombstone or whatever the hell the next HBO show is or Six Feet Under, all this is, everything's good. I don't know what to do. plus there's pornography.
49:06🔗
Adam
Well, it's about 45, 50 hours a week, but you don't touch that. That's my nest egg. You know what I'm saying?
49:26🔗
Adam
Let's get it on. Get it on. Chris, you ready to get it on, buddy? Yes. Now you just say get it on when I say, are you ready to get it on? Let's get it on. No, no, no. Sounds good. No, you said let's get it on. You say get it on. All right, we're going to try it again. I'll start with Drew. I'll lead in to you. I say you're ready to get on and you go get it on.
50:25🔗
Caller
I think my boyfriend may be too big for me because when we have sex, it hurts really, really bad. And it's really uncomfortable, and I don't like having sex with him.
50:36🔗
Drew
And he definitely is too big. I mean, there's an anatomic problem. It's not just that you're getting uptight or getting spasming or having irritation. You just see that this doesn't fit.
50:52🔗
Drew
Well, we actually get that complaint more frequently than the two small ones. I've occasionally heard people say that the relationship is a deal breaker. They just can't negotiate this.
51:05🔗
Adam
I wish you want to break up with me for that. That would be right up there like having my hands registered in Nevada.
51:16🔗
Too big.
51:29🔗
Caller
Yeah. I tell him, you need to calm down. You need to go slow and everything. He tries. He doesn't even go in all of the way.
52:07🔗
Yeah.
52:10🔗
Drew
He's got to understand that this could be a deal breaker and he's got to find a way to make this comfortable for you. It's really about him being slow, using lubricants, relaxing. But if he is sort of, as they say, marching to his own drum, it's not going to go well.
52:56🔗
Adam
All right. Seems like the vagina on fire would be one of the first things that would prompt you to think about the lubrication, yes?
53:08🔗
Adam
We're going to get it on. I'm going to do this. I'm going to cue Drew. He's going to say get it on when I say ready to get on. Then I'm going to do engineer Chris. I see Chris. Engineer Chris, you ready to get on? He's going to say get it on. And then I'm going to say, Angel, are you ready to get on? And you, you, you reply, get it on. Okay. All right.
54:20🔗
Caller
I was called on for like the last two and a half, three months. I mean, getting this, like, sensation, like a pinching or a crawling sensation around the sac area. And I want to know, like, if crabs go untreated, how long do they last for? Like, where do they go? Things like that.
54:36🔗
Drew
Well, they stay pretty much as long as you let them co-exist with you, but they cause intense itching, not just little creepy-crawly sensations. It itches like hell, gets red and burns.
54:48🔗
Drew
So what is it you're experiencing? Is it actually on the scrotum or is it sort of behind the scrotum?
55:13🔗
Caller
No, I'll just say I have better things to do with my time. I listen to the show every night.
55:49🔗
Adam
I'm gone. I'm cool. All right, Drew, what about that, the creepy crawler in the back of the sack?
55:53🔗
Drew
I don't know what that would be, Ron. That's probably nothing, really. There is a nerve you can injure down there. People occasionally injure from, you know, prolonged sitting on a bike seat, that sort of thing. And a crawly kind of sensation usually is a nerve pain.
56:08🔗
Adam
How do you feel crabs? I've never had crabs. Do you feel them crawl? You don't feel them. They just itch, right? They just itch, yeah.
56:37🔗
Caller
There's like a rash, too, that like, I don't know. At first, when I first had it, I thought it was because of the soap I was using. I really didn't pay too much attention to it. It lasted for like a week and a half. And then that was about a month ago. And it just came back this week.
57:17🔗
Drew
Well, you know, when you get a lip herpes, you get that kind of burny, you know, crawly feeling that right there. And if it's something sort of back in the paraneal area, it can feel kind of uncomfortable. So the herpes, I worry about that if there's a rash. But in all probability, it's probably just a fungus, just a tinnia. And they might try some over-the-counter fungus cramps.
57:40🔗
Drew
It's not, there is a blood test, but it's fairly worthless. The test is really, you go in there and have a doctor look at the rash.
57:47🔗
Drew
It's only useful as a corroboration. It's in addition to, if there's a highly suspicious situation and you got a positive test, it seals the deal.
57:57🔗
Adam
So, why? You could test positive for herpes via blood tests and not have it half the time?
58:30🔗
Drew
But every single test the doctor does has a different accuracy and sort of the quality of the tests are different in every single test we do. The probability of it being truthful is very variable. All right.
58:52🔗
Adam
You got nothing. Let's just move forward, huh? Yeah. Let's cut our losses. Who's been on hold the longest? Let's talk to Alicia or Alissa. Hi. What's your name, baby doll?
59:31🔗
Best Of
Well, I had a boyfriend when I was 14 and we have been going on and off for five years now.
59:40🔗
Best Of
And he is pretty abusive, like verbally and emotionally, not physically. But it's like I, once we break up, we'll not talk for like, I don't know, like two months or whatever. We talk again. It's like I'm totally attracted to him again. And I just, I can't stay away.
1:00:00🔗
Adam
So, now what's going on? Neither one of you is meeting anyone else in the interim? Is that, that's what it's going to take for you guys to stay broken up. One of you is going to have to fall in love again.
1:00:16🔗
Drew
As we've talked about, that abusive quality relationship can intensify the attachment need. So the person that's doing the abusing is also the person they're going to for the relief of the abuse. So it intensifies things.
1:00:30🔗
Adam
All right. Well, anyway, you guys have been going out since you were 14 for the love of Christ. That's enough.
1:00:41🔗
Adam
All right. And as far as the abuse stuff, how about you find a boyfriend that's not verbally abusive? I mean...
1:00:51🔗
Adam
Well, it seems like you could. It does. I know your mom was a little nutty, but your dad was decent, right?
1:01:15🔗
Adam
Yeah. Chicks, by the way, hate stepmoms. Guys, uh, don't really care. Guys are so many. Guys are like having a pet. You get an 18-year-old guy, just kick him out of the house. just like a dog. Yeah, go sleep outside. Yeah, okay. Yeah, whatever. Go out of the garage. Yeah. Chicks hate my... My sister hated my stepmom. They just, they don't like them for what? For the role that they fill and the position that they fill.
1:01:45🔗
Adam
Uh, all right. So you're painting the ass with your stepmom and your dad booted you out of the house. By the way, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, which is that first off, the dad is happy to be with some new blood. He's got the new, he's got the new relationship going. The daughter and the stepmom are going at it and the dad are basically like, look, I got to live with this broad for the rest of my life. I'm kicking this, this troublemaker out of here. I'm not going to deal with it.
1:02:17🔗
Drew
But again, Alyssa, so her esteem is completely shattered. She's stuck in this cycle of abuse she can't get out of. Alyssa, you've got to get yourself some helpers. You can't break this because this is a very dysfunctional relationship. It's gone on far too long. Relationships that begin when you're 14, 15, 16 are supposed to end. Yeah. Even though it's hard to imagine it. We were talking about last night. How could this, how could it possibly end? Well, they all do. And this one really needs to.
1:02:41🔗
Adam
Yeah. Alyssa could have been a pain in the ass still. All right. So dad kicked you out. Hey, Alyssa.
1:02:52🔗
Best Of
She's horrible. Like, I have a step sister who's my age. And she's the one who's pretty. And she's the one who's smart. And like, she makes my mom constantly put me down.
1:03:04🔗
Drew
Do you have to stay home at night and like clean the, the chimneys and the fireplaces?
1:03:19🔗
Best Of
I did have a boyfriend. And when he broke up with me because of how I looked, she told me point blank, how could somebody be attracted to you?
1:03:34🔗
Drew
What she said was, with that black fingernail polish and the black hair and the white hair, how is anybody going to be attracted to you?
1:03:48🔗
Adam
I know. Every time we have that where, oh, my dad said I was stupid or ugly or fat or whatever, it's like, no, they don't say that. They say stuff like, how could you do something so stupid?
1:03:59🔗
Drew
That kind of stuff. It's like we're begging you to take care of yourself. Let's get you a trainer so you can lose the weight and maybe you'll be more attractive. I'll call me fat. There you go.
1:04:08🔗
Adam
Drew, you can keep talking, by the way, if I take a sip of coffee. You don't have to stop.
1:04:12🔗
Drew
Well, you ran out of steam at that exact moment. I'm sorry. You know, I have a certain, I can only go so far. I tried to drink a sip of coffee twice in my life. I'm like a, sort of like a Special Olympics, you know, like a muscle disease.
1:04:26🔗
Adam
All right. So listen, look, look, all you broads out there, leave your stepmom alone. They're pain in the ass, but why get into it with them? And you expect your dad to buck up and back, get your back? No way. P-whipped. My poor dad. Are you kidding? Adios.
1:04:44🔗
Drew
But really, we live in a time in a country where there is a, sort of we've institutionalized the transition out of the home, but 1819, the school got dorms.
1:04:56🔗
Drew
But you know what I mean? You can get away from that home that's not working for you in formal life.
1:05:01🔗
Drew
But the point is, you know, not everyone's a loser. Oh. Did I say those words come out? What did I say?
1:05:07🔗
Drew
So, and that there's all this opportunity to leave and go to schools. I mean, all kinds of schools out there. Not everything is, you know.
1:05:15🔗
Adam
You got to realize, Drew, most of the crappy families we're talking about, with the crappy step parents and the dads and all that, they're not going off to college anyway. That is a pipe dream for most people. Not really.
1:05:27🔗
Adam
No, you're going off. I didn't know anybody went off to college who came from that. They couldn't. Are you kidding? You understand, when you don't have, like, parents, you can't even fill out stuff, you know, like, oh, well, you just get a student loan, and hey, you're 17, you're 18, you're an idiot, your parents don't care, they want you out of the house, you don't fill out paperwork, you don't do anything.
1:05:48🔗
Drew
But what I'm saying is, is that you, there's an out, and if you're really motivated to leave in this really miserable situation, there is, there is.
1:05:55🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's an out. You get a couple of roommates, you, all three of you get a crappy job, and you move into one bedroom, and you bunk up on a futon, and you try to get it, do a better job, and make another buck 50 an hour. That's how it works.
1:06:49🔗
Adam
Phone number 1-800-LLVE-191. Drew and I just talking about the love of TiVo over a nice lukewarm urination section. Yeah, good, good whizzing.
1:07:02🔗
Drew
My favorite thing about Adam is, you've ever noticed when I walk out, I take the stall, Adam takes the train. You notice how when I walk out of the stall, you get that shiver thing? I get the shiver.
1:07:11🔗
Adam
That's because I hear footsteps. I hear it coming up behind me. I'm like a small wide out. I'm supposed to go over the middle.
1:07:21🔗
Adam
I feel that strong safety. I get the shiver thing when I take the whizz every once in a while.
1:07:29🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's like thinking about, it's like having the hiccups and trying to think about not hiccuping and it just triggers fun.
1:07:36🔗
Drew
You know what that is? That is years and years of your friends pouncing on you. When you're in the middle of a whiz. You know, you're effed up friends.
1:07:55🔗
Adam
The shudder is to shake the last couple drops out of the urethra. That's my theory. That's why God does that. It's God shaking your dingling. Eva?
1:08:16🔗
Adam
Got a strong sense of entitlement, this cat. I'm gonna date my employees, and I want anal.
1:08:24🔗
Drew
The temerity of this man. He is a zhuzhun. Do you think that he can get away with that sort of nonsense?
1:08:59🔗
Caller
Well, we work in the same place. So now there's no conflict. I mean, I'm not a client and neither is he.
1:09:09🔗
Drew
Right. just because you're attorneys, you're bigger than the law, that doesn't apply to you guys? That's an issue.
1:09:23🔗
Drew
We have never talked to a woman with dating a married guy where the guy, in spite of him talking how miserable he is, how horrible his wife is, where the guy ever leaves his wife.
1:09:36🔗
Adam
And by the way, look, if your wife lets you hit 26-year-old workmates in the keister or doesn't know about it, you don't have to go anywhere. I mean, Drew, think about it. You'd never have to leave your wife if, you know.
1:09:55🔗
Adam
Well, forget about being on board. I shouldn't even say that. just doesn't know. I mean, here's the thing. You're married. You have a house. Look, let's face it. A lot of guys don't want to get divorced just for the money. Yeah, financially. They don't want to. They love their kids. They love their wife. Maybe whatever. The wife's a little long in the tooth. The romance is gone. The kids are hassling everybody. Yeah, and I don't want to get in that story again. But the point is, I think they do have this worked out in certain parts of Europe, which is you get a little something on the side and you get a mistress and you get to say, well, and you go home and you're happy.
1:10:59🔗
Adam
Nice. And so you started having an affair with this guy. How long has that been going on?
1:11:24🔗
Adam
I think just by virtue of being an attorney, enjoy screwing people in the ass. I mean, I think that comes with the territory. Drew, seriously, I'm not kidding. There's a lot of reaming going on with this.
1:11:39🔗
Adam
All right. And this feels, we don't trust this guy. I don't like him. He's cheating on his wife. He's an attorney. No offense.
1:11:54🔗
Adam
He is. And as an attorney, by the way, should know better than anybody what the The liabilities of that. Consequences could possibly be.
1:12:05🔗
Adam
I mean, you could probably, you know, bring some sort of sexual harassment lawsuit against him.
1:12:19🔗
Drew
When there's an authority imbalance like that, the consensuality doesn't matter so much, does it?
1:12:25🔗
Adam
I would imagine it's not a strong case, but there's still a case. Oh, and by the way, when lose or draw, it could be very ugly for him.
1:12:53🔗
Caller
I never thought I was ever going to have an affair with a married man. I'm not very experienced. I've only dated one guy in my whole life.
1:13:22🔗
Caller
Well, it's just something that it's not. Um, something that we really discussed and I don't expect him to and he loves his wife dearly.
1:13:47🔗
Adam
Well, as Eva, I know it sort of feels good and the attention and it's hard when you're working with someone and you're infatuated and attracted and so on and so forth.
1:13:57🔗
Adam
Yeah. This is going nowhere. And this is going to be a sort of a slow death. And this is, you know, this is a limb that needs to be amputated and you can't stay. Your thing is like, how am I going to get by without my leg? And it's like, you're going to get gangrene and you're going to die.
1:14:18🔗
Adam
You're smart. You can tell him this has to end. Sure, I have feelings for you and if you change your mind...
1:14:28🔗
Adam
And that's what I'm talking about, then we can wait a few months and give me a call. But you and your wife, I got to move on. It's best for you, Eva. You're smart.
1:14:43🔗
Adam
Yeah. You guys will wave us. And no anal, naturally. All right. Let me tell you, guy's got, attorney's got, male attorneys, anti-attorneys, huge wave us. You know what I mean? Screwing around with my wife, banging an underling over at work, like some anal.
1:15:09🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, that's what ends up happening with their profession, which is it's not really about right or wrong or guilty or innocent. It's just we'll just collect this evidence and we'll see if we can get people off on a technicality.
1:15:23🔗
Adam
Or it doesn't really matter if, you know, silicone breast implants don't actually damage anybody. There's money to be made. It just... And I hear people argue that all the time and it drives me nuts. It's sort of like, well, look, we all know the guy did X, Y or Z, but they didn't prove beyond a reasonable doubt that, okay, but if we all know the guy's guilty and then ultimately, isn't that enough? You know, we really need, and we need in this country, Drew, we have to start focusing on the spirit of the law.
1:15:56🔗
Adam
And not the letter of the law. Oh my. And it's not only the attorney's fault, although I'd like to blame it on him, it's everyone's fault. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone but me and Drew, possibly engineer Chris.
1:16:12🔗
Adam
Well, here's what we do. What we do is we, you know, there's the four-way stop sign in the middle of the desert and you roll through it and you get the ticket because technically you didn't come to a stop. But of course, the spirit of the law is trying for you not to t-bone another car. And the reality is there was zero safety. It was a zero factor and therefore you shouldn't get the ticket. But then it's like, oh, no, no, no, no. You didn't come to a complete stop or you rolled through this at four in the morning or you turned left and there was no traffic coming. All this nonsense. And then that just bleeds into the courts. The cops get it started with the technical BS, chicken-ass ticket that had everything to do with the letter of the law and nothing to do with the spirit of the law. I mean, you make these rules so X, Y, and Z doesn't happen. And then we all just start spinning out. It's like, I took that flight that time. And then the stupid hatch was open on the overhead luggage thing. And we couldn't take the plane off. Oh, I was at my best.
1:17:16🔗
Adam
Oh, it was uncomfortable. They took, had a couple bloody marries, was sitting in first class and running late. Had someone picking me up from the airport. Why aren't we going? Well, because the latch is screwed up on the overhead compartment and the door, which has a sort of pneumatic spring-loaded opener, is now going open. We shut it and then it starts slowly opening again. Well, what's wrong? Why aren't we leaving? Well, FAA regulations say you can't take the plane off unless the thing is securely shut. Well, let's empty it out. Oh, no, there's nothing in it. Well, then let's take off. Oh, no, you can't do it if it's open. Yes, a jump doesn't fall on people's head. Sir, please, sit down, sit down. It's only the reason it can't be open is so my camera case does not conk old Betty on the head over there and cause some hematoma.
1:18:18🔗
Adam
Yeah, I know, I got hematoma and Manitoba. The point is, is this is, this is lawyers, this is letter of the law. Yeah, the spirit of the law is, look, we gotta make sure these are close and no one gets hit on the head with a falling object.
1:18:33🔗
Drew
One of the purposes of law is to make us do the right thing, to do the good. But the good guys, the good guys have become the bad guys.
1:18:42🔗
Drew
And now it's all about making the bad, the making the good guys bad. That's what the law is for.
1:18:47🔗
Adam
Let me tell you, I sat there and so I said, okay, so we gotta get it shut. Go get some duct tape and put a piece of duct tape on if it needs to be shut. Sir, please sit down. And I said, look, let's just go. What are we doing here? I mean, come on. That's not gonna do anything. It's empty. What's air? Is air gonna fall out?
1:19:07🔗
Adam
Is there some air stuck in there that's gonna land on someone's head? Let's go. Let's get it going. And that's what, by the way, that's what we need in this life. This is why I turn left at every one of those chicken-ass red arrows when the when the signal's green. I see the earth curving in the distance. I'm not buying into it. I'm turning. I'm taking the plane off. We need people that we need a ground swell of this. And this is what we need. We need people taking this. We need to take our country back. And I said put some duct tape on it and let's go. And she was like, I was like, I was like, Federal Marshals, and by the way, this is pre-911. If it was post-911, I would have been dragged off the plane as a maniac. Of course, everyone else is just sitting there with their thumbs up their ass because they're too chicken ass to say anything. Okay, it may have been the booze talking. But I said, let's go. Let's do it. Let's go. What are we doing here? This is costing money. Let's go. I got someone meeting me at the airport. Let's go, sir. So maintenance guy comes in, makes three or four trips, takes a few passes with the screwdriver, goes back and forth, of course. Yeah, but an hour and 40 minutes later, pulls out the duct tape. Oh, that was great. But then, of course, I had my, you know, then I had my day in the sun with the stewardess, but then it was payback time from Chicago. I was then ignored or abused for the rest of that flight because I brought the duct tape on and I've been burned. Yeah, and she was, she was like wounded, wounded the entire flight. All I'm saying is, is let's focus on a spirit, spirit of the law, and let's move forward with our lives, and let's all decide, let's all decide when it's okay to turn left. I think we can decide. We decided at the last signal that didn't have the goddamn arrow. Can we decide this? We decide to take the airplane off. We can do all this.
1:20:59🔗
Drew
There's all kinds of things you can not decide to do unless you are in France. Then you can do it all.
1:21:14🔗
Adam
Ah, I know. And I can't believe that people aren't just finishing off their Heineken's and throwing them into an open crowd. Yeah.
1:21:26🔗
Adam
We have to cover everything with padding. Adults have to drink everything out of plastic cups. Every lighter has to have a childproof thing on it. And that goddamn childproof thing, I mean, it's like, I find myself fits... Drew, try to light a lighter, by the way. You're just sitting there and you're like holding and some... First off, if we're going to childproof something, can't we just do it one way? Do we have to have as many different devices for lighters as there are lighters? It's like, there's nothing worse. Someone gives you their lighter and it's like, up, up, and then the guy's like, no, no. You got to pull out the choke on this one and then twist it half a click to the left. And then you had to put a set of chopsticks up your ass. And that's the one this one likes. Oh yeah, because mine, I just got the one with the big band on it that doesn't really let you turn the flint at all. Oh no. Oh, you tried it once? Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to get... No, no, you gotta reset.
1:22:16🔗
Adam
You gotta reset it. You gotta reset after each try. You're just sitting there wearing the skin off of my thumb like a retard going, what are we doing? Arguing with every bottle. Really? That's it? because a handful of idiots every year burn their trailer down because a handful of kids that aren't watching OD on something.
1:22:35🔗
Drew
How about this, the medication Vioxx was just taken off the market. It's a great medication.
1:22:40🔗
Drew
10 cases out of 10,000 may be associated with heart... Maybe, maybe, maybe. Forget that thousands of people are helped by it. We gotta take it off the market. Gotta re-label it.
1:22:50🔗
Adam
Here's the next time you're just sitting in your house and you're hearing that me, me, me, me, because a garbage truck has put it in reverse and don't want to run over the kids and you're struggling with your lighter and you're trying to get your aspirin open. You just think of me and Dr. Drew. We'll be right back after this.
1:23:39🔗
Adam
I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Let's get back to those phones, help them kiddies. Eric, it's time to play Germany or Florida. What do you got?
1:23:47🔗
Caller
Hey there, Dr. Drew. Hold on, let me check the weather. Palo Alto, checking in at 71 degrees. Boy, I tell you, I was sitting at a three-way stop. Shake your ass. Oh, Drew, don't only do the radio, Matt. I got four feet, seven, three 16 inches. Hold on, Chief Thunderclouds wants to say something. No, no, hey, Judge, I don't want to go five-three-way back. Don't watch your bike.
1:24:10🔗
Caller
You know, I used to clean carpets, lived with my good friend, Deweez. Now, I'm literally a millionaire. Drew, literally, literally a millionaire. You know, I should have my own garbage man, blah, blah, blah, blah. Culver City cops in their right-hand drive, Chavettes writing chicken-ass tickets, blah, blah, blah. I'm not a manpower, blah, blah, blah, blah.
1:24:30🔗
Caller
That's good. You know, most people brag about how good they are in the sack. Oh, I'm so good at receiving horror. Let me tell you. Okay, okay, ladies. Grab a knee, grab a knee. That helmet's not a chair. I went to our Armenian Sandor shop to try to get a full off.
1:24:47🔗
Caller
My dad, my dad has no idea what time the show is on. He's such a huge pussy. I'm gonna kick him right in the nuts. Crank angus on tonight. Everybody check out Crank angus. I'll tell you, people at the show are such retards. You know what I'm saying? I used to do a little boxing, South Pole, I need some red wine. It's my medicine. My medicine drew me to it. I mean, I'm a taboo too. He has it all. Yes, he does. You know, taboo too. Let me tell you about these pussy politicians. Listen, you know what you're tied to? You do what we tell you. That's what we pay you for.
1:25:59🔗
Drew
Challenge. The gauntlet is down. All right, hold on, Eric. Now calm down. Here we go. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
1:26:13🔗
Caller
I hate to cut you off, but I got to kick traffic, traffic, traffic, and make way for brake lights. Oh, hold on, we got the weather coming up. Now we're also taking it to 71 degrees. Culver City company, 71 degrees. I'm sorry, Adam, go ahead.
1:26:24🔗
Adam
All right, I'm going to ask you a question about insulation. All right, you have two by six walls, stud walls. What size insulation should we have?
1:26:33🔗
Caller
Oh, hold on, I'm sorry, I got a breaking here with weather. Now I'll put it in 71 degrees. Culver City, 71.
1:27:31🔗
Drew
Think how many people we have calling telling us they're going to write, they're going to do something. Derek just showed us his wares.
1:27:40🔗
Caller
I think he even came up with the idea. We sat down, we wrote down the beats and hammered them out a little bit.
1:27:51🔗
Caller
Okay. A 19-year-old man clad in a black trench coat armed with two rifles, a pistol and a sword. Goes to his place of employment. He declares himself to be a vampire killer and he shoots one of his co-workers right in the head.
1:28:24🔗
Adam
Shooting someone at work, a very Florida thing to do, but only one person at work seems more German than Florida. Florida, they have massacres.
1:28:31🔗
Drew
Right. The massacres are usually spraying, not standing up somebody and shooting them.
1:28:35🔗
Caller
But you got to think too. Columbine was all about black trench coats as well. And that was in America.
1:28:46🔗
Caller
Okay, I'm going to tell you the answer and then I'm going to tell you the cool twist of the story too.
1:29:10🔗
Adam
So was that a story, that was a true story that you just added the mason jar on to then?
1:29:21🔗
Caller
The whole story was true. I think I heard it about six months ago. And some of the details as far as the weapons are concerned...
1:29:26🔗
Adam
It was a legitimate Germany or Florida. He just added the mason jar at the end. All right, Eric. Listen, you got a pulse. Call the show anytime you like.
1:29:38🔗
Adam
Yeah. I enjoyed it. And look, anyone wants to call the show and make fun of us or critique us or even pay a sort of backhanded homage to me or the show? We won't cut you off. You call a lot of radio shows, you start in on the host, they immediately cut you off. Here, we'll run you dry. Say your piece. The worse, the better. Cindy?
1:30:06🔗
Caller
Okay. Well, this is for you, not really for Dr. Drew. I just moved into this apartment complex, and I met some people at the pool and they're really nice, whatever.
1:30:39🔗
Caller
Then she moved her head. I don't remember this, but this is what the other guy, not the guy with the girlfriend, but he came over earlier tonight, talked to me. He's like, did you try to kiss, what's her name? I was like, oh my God, no. He's like, good.
1:30:52🔗
Caller
He started giving me a hard time, but I'm like, no, no, no. Then I talked to her earlier tonight, and I asked her, and she's like, yeah, you totally did.
1:31:04🔗
Drew
Yeah, she was yelled at. And the deal is, apparently, what we've got on the screen here on her is that she has had a girlfriend when she was in jail.
1:31:13🔗
Adam
That was a great chick story. Really makes me miss the guy doing the impression of me. because you go from that to, and so I was down at the pool, and then I talked to the swing girl, and then we went out to cut out some pepies, and then I had too many margaritas, but I get mine shaken, but I like the ice, so I tell them not to, I like it blended, but I don't like the crushed ice because it gives me a headache, and I like salt on half a glass, and then I sat on her lap, and then we like started to kiss, but then she moved her head, and then the next day a guy came over. He totally said I tried to scam on a girl, but I was like, no, she moved her head, but I think he thinks I'm a slut, and then F, the world, and then anyway. All right, so that was really just a long winded, boring story with the F word is the tag.
1:32:02🔗
Adam
All right, well hold on a second. Mike? Yeah. Mike, yeah, you've been on hold for a long time. You have the puffy nipples and areolas. They stick out.
1:32:13🔗
Caller
I called before and you guys went off the air on me, but I've been trying to find out the answer to my problem for years now.
1:32:31🔗
Adam
It's not about what you're eating. It's not about anything. It's just genetics and consult a plastic surgeon.
1:32:43🔗
Adam
They're not gonna charge you anything. Open the phone book, go on the computer, find a plastic surgeon and go see him.
1:32:51🔗
Drew
Not for the consultation, but if you really wanna know what can be done, you'll see what can be done.
1:33:36🔗
Adam
Thanks for tuning in tonight, kiddies, and until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.
1:33:46🔗
Caller
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.