Sunday, December 5, 2004

1:26🔗 Adam Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, and we're excited to welcome back to the show, Allana Ubach.

1:36🔗 Yeah, from Meet the Fockers.

1:39🔗 Allana Ubach Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

1:41🔗 Adam Allana, we had on here, what were, legally blonde, were we talking about last time we were here?

1:47🔗 Drew It was about 15 months ago, something like that.

1:49🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah, something like that, yeah, you got it, you got it. It was back then, and I was playing Reese Witherspoon's sidekick.

1:55🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:55🔗 Drew That was before number two, I think, was it?

1:57🔗 Allana Ubach It was. In fact, Jessica Caulfield and I were on here the first time, and then the second time around, she was sick, and then I showed up and, you know, acted like an ass for the both of us, and now I'm here.

2:08🔗 Adam People are psyched up about seeing Meet the Fockers. Yeah.

2:13🔗 Allana Ubach I mean, did you see Meet the Parents?

2:15🔗 Adam There is a, yeah, I did. I thought it was hilarious. And you know what it was? You know, I had a Drew. Did you see Meet the Parents? I did.

2:24🔗 I bowled you over.

2:25🔗 Adam Stop the presses.

2:26🔗 Drew I did.

2:27🔗 Adam You know what's nice about the first movie is, is it had a nice combination of sort of funny, a little, some slapstick, some physical stuff, but also some written stuff.

2:39🔗 Drew Yeah.

2:40🔗 Adam I mean, dialogue, the dialogue was solid. It didn't push too hard, but yet it kept building. It was a good, slow build, the burn. It had a great sort of tempo and feel to it. It didn't try to win you over in the first five minutes. It just built, had a nice, slow build to it. And even though things were pretty outrageous, they didn't really go over the top for you. Oh, come on, he wouldn't think that.

3:04🔗 Allana Ubach No, yeah, they didn't get super 80s with the whole concept of it.

3:06🔗 Adam Right, right. And so how, by the way, I mean, one of the most obviously anticipated follow-up films in, what do they call this, Jere, sequels in years.

3:18🔗 He's like Godfather, but though, you know.

3:19🔗 Adam That's exciting, yeah. How'd you get in on this?

3:21🔗 Well, this is what's so cool.

3:22🔗 Allana Ubach Basically, I look nothing like myself in the movie. I mean, I'm basically playing this like 50-something year old Hispanic woman with a 15 year old son.

3:31🔗 Drew Not by our notes.

3:32🔗 See, and I have a little voice.

3:34🔗 Drew Your publicist sent us some information.

3:35🔗 Allana Ubach What did she say?

3:36🔗 Adam She plays a chunky African American, 50-something.

3:38🔗 Well, if I was a chunky African American, I'd play like this, but basically, she talks a little bit more like this because she's from South America, so she talks like this.

3:46🔗 Adam So they were looking, I mean, obviously, they were looking for someone who was chunky and was 50-something.

3:53🔗 Allana Ubach Isn't that crazy?

3:54🔗 Adam And had that accent, right?

3:55🔗 Allana Ubach Well, I went and I auditioned originally for the part, and what they said was, she looks nothing like what we envisioned. So then they had the table reading, they were getting closer and closer to casting the role, and they thought, okay, we have two days before we start filming, and this is what we're gonna do. Let's bring back Allana, she made us laugh, and let's just have her for the table read. So I thought, you know what, I'm gonna totally go for this. I went to Rite Aid, I dyed my hair black, got one of those box colors, I tanned my skin with that fake tanning bronzing stuff. Okay, I just went off, baby, and I walked in with my double-D padded bra, and my big, huge, I had a little extra little panning around my rumpus, a couple of little pants going on, and little sandals with the open toes and the nylons going through. I looked like my Tia Leach hour, my Tia Flora.

4:42🔗 Adam Wow.

4:42🔗 Allana Ubach And it was hilarious, and I walked in just looking just like the character, and I thought, what do I have to lose? What are they gonna tell me? You look like a total schmuck, get the hell out of here, you know, whatever.

4:50🔗 Adam And you won them over.

4:51🔗 Allana Ubach I won them over, they believed it. Meanwhile, after the reading, I looked down on the paper, and it was just totally soiled in like tan makeup. I was like, if they don't see this, then I'm safe.

5:02🔗 Adam People, for people that don't know, Allana is svelte. I mean, she doesn't have an ounce of fatter. We are going to play Ace's chirocortium Countdown.

5:12🔗 Allana Ubach Allana pounds with all that mental pain.

5:14🔗 Adam Yeah, she's a spinner.

5:17🔗 Allana Ubach That's what my boyfriend calls me.

5:19🔗 Adam El gyro, they call her.

5:21🔗 El gyro, spiral gyro, como esta?

5:27🔗 Adam I'll hit you with a guitar. Yeah, the one who spins, I like when they translate, it just sounds stupid.

5:33🔗 El gyro? Yeah, the one who spins.

5:36🔗 Right, el giro.

5:38🔗 Adam I like that one and the other one I like is, you know the one I'm always confused by is the chupacabra. It means sucker of goat blood. It's like, okay, chupacabra sounds great to us, but to you guys it means the goat that sucks the blood or the blood of the goat.

5:55🔗 You guys couldn't do any better than that?

5:57🔗 Adam We would have come up with a slick name, especially for an imaginator.

6:00🔗 We don't call it unicorn, the horsey thing with the thing on its head, we call it a unicorn.

6:06🔗 Adam You know what I mean?

6:07🔗 If in mexico they would call it the donkey with the pointy thing on the head. Pegasus, no, no, we call it the mule with the wings and the flapping.

6:17🔗 Adam The flies. The flies, all right.

6:20🔗 Give it a name.

6:21🔗 Adam Chupacabra needs a name in mexico.

6:24🔗 Drew It's just so shattering to us because it sounds like its name. That should be its name. The fact that it translates is disappointing.

6:31🔗 Allana Ubach Chupacabra, no, that's some scary stuff. My mom used to always tell me you don't eat all your lime and beans and Chupacabra is going to eat your ass.

6:37🔗 Drew That's good.

6:38🔗 Adam It's a wolf eater.

6:40🔗 Drew Perfectly a catcher.

6:42🔗 Adam It kills goats. And by the way, here, something that kills goats, it's just called a farmer, really. It's like a rancher. We don't, like if there's a, hey America, there's this thing that flies around and kills goats. Yeah, all right, tell us when it's killing us. We don't care what it does to a goat. Yes.

6:57🔗 Drew It was a rancher.

6:58🔗 Adam I would like goats. It's a UFO. All right, what were we talking about? So, okay, so for the part, obviously you do the great accent and everything and you got the fat suit on. Are you doing the prosthetics in the face? I mean, you're very...

7:09🔗 Allana Ubach Well, they gave me gray hair. They gave me gray hair. They tanned my skin. They gave me big hoop earrings. I have a 15 year old son and they gave me big padded double D bras. I gained 10 pounds for the part while we were shooting it. My boyfriend kept giving me like spaghetti and meatballs every single night and then I would go right to bed.

7:25🔗 Adam Did you just to put it on in your face or why did you need to gain the weight for your fingers or something?

7:31🔗 Allana Ubach My earlobes. My earlobes were doing all the acting for me. I feel the part.

7:34🔗 It kind of get a little soft and a little bit more into the character because it made me feel more domestic and maternal. Do you know what I'm saying?

7:41🔗 Adam Yeah, I do know what you're saying.

7:42🔗 And sexy.

7:43🔗 Adam Yeah, no. It was fun. Allana is a very attractive woman.

7:47🔗 Oh, thank you baby.

7:48🔗 Adam And really would be.

7:50🔗 And Adam is all that and that.

7:52🔗 Allana Ubach Your mommy and daddy did a good job too baby.

7:54🔗 Adam Yeah, a little dimple. Yeah, great job. Let's get another welfare check. Food stamps and lock myself in the room and yell freak out.

8:03🔗 Allana Ubach Thank you so much.

8:04🔗 Drew Yeah. All right.

8:05🔗 Adam Now, well, wait a minute. So here. So they put they put the stuff that jowls on you and the neck roll and all that stuff.

8:12🔗 Allana Ubach It wasn't like brand or anything like that. I didn't like have like little piles of cotton on the side of my cheeks. But what I did have was, you know, padded, padded hips. I definitely had the padded hips.

8:21🔗 Adam Your head is so slender. Yeah.

8:23🔗 Allana Ubach But it works, man. It really works.

8:26🔗 Adam It works.

8:26🔗 Allana Ubach Once they pad everything and they put my boobs together and I had like big, big, huge teatas and a big, huge rumpus. It really worked. They put this little house dress on me and like I have little gray hairs and all around it.

8:38🔗 I looked like my tía flora.

8:40🔗 Allana Ubach I really did.

8:41🔗 Adam So it's going to and I'm guessing that and I'm guessing every whatever time you spend on screen is set to great comedic effect because I can already see the character.

8:51🔗 Allana Ubach It's fun.

8:53🔗 Adam And the thing is it's funny, it's right. It's like there are plenty of 50 something year old fat ass chicks with Mexican accents who are hysterical except for they don't know it. They're not acting. That's their life. I like when they beat the crap out of the white kids when they're walking them down the street. You don't know that, but they traumatize the blind kids. They drag them, the maids walk them down the street. Once in a while you see them on the corner just whacking.

9:17🔗 Allana Ubach They look both ways and then they just start whacking.

9:19🔗 Adam They're still whacking them. Ever see that Drew? No. Oh, it's awesome. Oh yeah. Yeah. Your dad didn't give me a raise.

9:26🔗 Yeah.

9:27🔗 Adam Never see that Drew.

9:27🔗 Drew Good times.

9:28🔗 It's all over.

9:29🔗 Adam Your kids probably.

9:30🔗 Rain day was from that.

9:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

9:32🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, that's awesome. Did they used to do that to you? Did you have a hot Mexican maid who was like, you know.

9:38🔗 Adam Now, let me explain the Corolla.

9:40🔗 Drew She has a different view of your life, I think. You're just writing her out.

9:42🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah. It's turning me out, baby.

9:43🔗 Adam All right. Here's what the Corolla is. Welfare, food stamps, dump that my grandparents let us squat in a beat up Dodge Dart. No maids. No, you know, no jobs. No jobs. We needed a toaster oven. We get it from the garage. I mean, you have a garage sale or a thrift store or something. Poor, poor and depressed.

10:06🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, man.

10:07🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

10:07🔗 Allana Ubach And you're like a comedian. You're a DJ on a show. This is amazing.

10:10🔗 Adam That's me. Yeah.

10:11🔗 Allana Ubach Of course, you're working with the shrink every single day.

10:13🔗 Adam Beautiful Dr. Drew over there. Board certified. All right. What are we talking about? The phone.

10:20🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah.

10:20🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. So Meet the Fockers, by the way, is out. Is it this Wednesday?

10:25🔗 Allana Ubach December 22nd, babe.

10:27🔗 Adam Oh, let's see. Wednesday, December 22nd. So it's it'll be two weeks from this one.

10:31🔗 Allana Ubach A couple of weeks, babe.

10:32🔗 Adam Oh, already already buzz going.

10:34🔗 It's just right around the corner.

10:36🔗 Yeah. I'm going to we should. All right.

10:39🔗 Let's let's take a call.

10:40🔗 Let's take a call.

10:41🔗 Adam I just I just thought it'd be fun to do with a lot. And Cheryl, but we got that. But we also got the we also got the when you call the Mexican guy and the old lady picks up the phone. They get the they get the who? My favorite.

10:56🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, yeah. We did that the last time.

10:58🔗 Adam Yeah, I love that.

10:59🔗 Allana Ubach Can we have sex Mexican style on?

11:00🔗 Drew Yeah, not yet. Later in the year.

11:02🔗 Adam We can do that.

11:03🔗 Allana Ubach That's nice.

11:03🔗 Oh, oh, oh, oh, Tiffany.

11:09🔗 Yeah.

11:11🔗 Adam You're 19.

11:12🔗 Caller Yeah. My question was like I was dating this guy who's uncircumcised and we're like kind of still, you know, doing a nasty or whatever. But like, I don't know. I never had a guy who was uncircumcised like that.

11:26🔗 Allana Ubach Nasty in more ways than one.

11:27🔗 Caller Is he dirty?

11:29🔗 Allana Ubach Does he bathe himself?

11:30🔗 Caller What? Yeah.

11:32🔗 Drew What is your question?

11:33🔗 Adam Yeah. So what's up? Just what do you want us to do? Come over there with a little wet nap.

11:37🔗 Drew What a coincidence. Tell me, what is your question?

11:40🔗 Caller My question is, well, I mean, I don't know what to do or whatever. I'm like kind of scared, like, if he wasn't able to get it up or whatever.

11:52🔗 Drew This doesn't sound like a question.

11:54🔗 Adam It says either bogus or you're dumb or confused. Well, yeah.

11:58🔗 Allana Ubach They say uncircumcised men, you know, have a better time in bed. Is it true?

12:03🔗 Drew No, no, but most of the world is uncircumcised, Tiffany. It's not as though it needs any special attention from your standpoint anyway.

12:10🔗 Caller Yeah, okay.

12:11🔗 Allana Ubach Call the moil.

12:12🔗 Adam Well, I don't understand. Have you never been, you've not been with him sexually?

12:17🔗 Caller Well, I mean, that's gonna be, well, it'll be the second time that I'll be, when it would happen or whatever.

12:24🔗 Adam What happened the first time?

12:26🔗 Caller The first time he wasn't able to get it up.

12:29🔗 Drew All right, well, that has nothing to do with the circumcision or lack of circumcision.

12:32🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah, I've been with plenty of guys who are, yeah.

12:35🔗 Adam Me too.

12:35🔗 Drew Even El Giro? El Giro? I got it up.

12:37🔗 Adam The spinner. What? The one who spins. She who spins.

12:41🔗 Drew I like that.

12:41🔗 Adam All right, Tiffany.

12:43🔗 Drew Yeah.

12:44🔗 Adam Yeah, if, let me say this. If guys who were uncircumcised could not achieve erections, there would be no world.

12:53🔗 Drew Right, because most of the world.

12:54🔗 Adam Would not be here.

12:55🔗 Drew Right, most of the world is uncircumcised.

12:56🔗 Adam Well, not only that, for the first couple million years, there were no more oils, so there would be, there would never would have, would have created.

13:04🔗 Drew Yeah, so whatever his erectile problem is, it has nothing to do with the circumcision. All right, so maybe a little calmer situation. Maybe he's not ready to have sex yet. Maybe he's on some drugs or alcohol or medications, but not circumcision.

13:19🔗 Adam Yeah, work it out, work it out with him. All right, Allana, here's what I want to do with you. No, come on, I just love this. No, I don't want that.

13:29🔗 Drew Give me some direction.

13:30🔗 Adam Here's all you got to do.

13:31🔗 Caller Okay.

13:32🔗 Adam I do the thing where I'm calling my boy Oswaldo. And the thing is, is his-

13:39🔗 Drew Great aunt.

13:40🔗 Adam His aunt, it could be his great aunt, could be his mom, whoever's living with him, picks up the phone. And then I say, and I can't figure this out, Allana is half Puerto Rican, half Mexican, right? Maybe you can figure this out, because we talked about this last time you were in here.

13:55🔗 Drew Are you Italian?

13:56🔗 Adam Yeah, you get the suspicious thing. First one is Ozzy there, is Oswaldo there? First reply?

14:04🔗 Drew Wait, wait, wait, it's not just suspicious, it's suspicious and nervous.

14:07🔗 Adam Yeah, whoo, whoo, that's the first one, whoo. Yeah, you gotta hit me with that one.

14:14🔗 Caller Okay, okay.

14:15🔗 Adam And then the next one is, I say, Oswaldo, and you act like he's holding a gun, someone's holding a gun to your head.

14:22🔗 Caller Oswaldo, that's home. No, no, you're not here.

14:24🔗 Caller Oswaldo no esta aqui.

14:26🔗 Adam Right.

14:26🔗 Caller See?

14:27🔗 Caller Who, who?

14:28🔗 Allana Ubach And then the next one is, Eduardo, what's your name again, Oswaldo?

14:32🔗 Adam Oswaldo.

14:32🔗 Caller Oswaldo no esta aqui.

14:34🔗 Adam Yeah.

14:35🔗 Caller Is that good?

14:35🔗 Adam It's good to yell, you know, it's nice yelling to someone off the phone too. Who? Someone's back who's behind you.

14:41🔗 Caller Okay, you got it.

14:42🔗 Adam I will try, we'll try first take and see how it goes.

14:45🔗 Caller Ring, ring.

14:52🔗 Adam Is Oswaldo home? Oswaldo?

14:58🔗 Caller It's not Lafajada. Who is this? Oswaldo? No, Oswaldo no esta aqui. I ate him. Who the hell is this?

15:09🔗 Adam That's insane. By that point I hang up and I'm confused. Does he still live there?

15:13🔗 Caller I don't know what's going on.

15:14🔗 Drew Do they know who you're talking about?

15:15🔗 Adam Yeah, why the who? It's your grandson.

15:18🔗 Caller It's his house.

15:19🔗 Adam It's his house. You're living there.

15:21🔗 Caller Be ready for people to...

15:23🔗 Allana Ubach It sounds like I swallowed. And she probably thinks it's like a crane caller.

15:27🔗 Adam Well, any name will do. But I just mean there's always this suspicious who. I think that's a time buyer. That's all. You did a wonderful job.

15:36🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, thank you. Yeah, that's perfect.

15:39🔗 Adam That's exactly how it goes. We'll do three good. We'll do three in a row. You ready?

15:43🔗 Allana Ubach OK, you got it.

15:45🔗 Adam Is as Waldo there? We'll do a variation.

15:51🔗 Caller OK.

15:52🔗 Adam Is Eduardo there? And we'll do one more. Is is Enrique home?

16:03🔗 Caller No, Enrique, huh?

16:05🔗 Adam Perfect. Thanks. Perfect.

16:07🔗 Allana Ubach I try.

16:07🔗 Adam Yeah. No, I'm going to cast you. I'll put some weight on you.

16:09🔗 Allana Ubach Thanks, man.

16:10🔗 Adam I'm going to cast you in this show.

16:11🔗 Drew I'll just get up a little bit.

16:12🔗 Adam Melanie?

16:13🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah.

16:14🔗 Adam You're 14? What's the matter, baby, Dawn?

16:17🔗 Caller Well, basically, I'm in this quote, like relationship type thing with my boyfriend, and we've been going out for about like a month and two weeks.

16:24🔗 Drew Let me stop you. What do you mean quote relationship? Why did you put it quote unquote? You mean? Yeah.

16:29🔗 Caller Why is it like it's a relationship?

16:30🔗 Caller But I don't know.

16:32🔗 Caller I just feel like it's not really working anymore.

16:35🔗 Drew Why?

16:36🔗 Caller Well, because like we've like we've already like had sex and stuff.

16:40🔗 Drew And you're 14. How old is this guy?

16:42🔗 Caller He's 14.

16:45🔗 Allana Ubach Are you using any protection?

16:46🔗 Caller Oh, of course.

16:48🔗 Drew What are you using?

16:49🔗 Caller Latex condoms.

16:52🔗 Adam Yeah, I like it. Oh, wait a minute. Yeah, latex. All right. So why? Yeah. What's he doing? He's not calling you back or what's going on?

17:00🔗 Caller Oh, like he'll call me, but he'll just be like really distant and then he'll say like, oh, well, I'm tired.

17:05🔗 Drew So I'm going to go and it's only like maybe both freaked out by having had sex so young. I didn't want him to be flipped out about that.

17:11🔗 Adam No, he's a 14 year old guys are just goofy. They don't know how to conduct themselves. They have no ramp.

17:18🔗 Drew But imagine you're in that far in a relationship. You're 14. I go, what have I done? How do I handle this?

17:22🔗 Allana Ubach I don't even know about how to have an orgasm at that age. I mean, I had my first orgasm when I was 16 and I did it by myself. You know, I was like 14. Spinnin is what it's all about.

17:34🔗 Adam She Who Spins, Melanie?

17:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

17:39🔗 Adam All right, yeah. You guys have been, how many times have you had sex?

17:43🔗 Caller Only once.

17:44🔗 Adam Only once?

17:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

17:45🔗 Drew And was that an okay thing for you?

17:49🔗 Caller Well, yeah, it was fine with me, but it's just kind of strange. He'll be all distant and everything. And then I'll complain about it. They're like, hey, why aren't you calling me or anything anymore? And he'll just be all like, oh, I'm sorry. Like, I love you and blah, blah, blah. And it just seems kind of strange.

18:03🔗 Drew He's just a spaz, really. I mean, you guys don't know how.

18:06🔗 Adam Well, this is all you do at 14 is try to read each other.

18:10🔗 Drew Here's my thing. Here's my thing about this. This is as good an outcome as there can possibly be from 14-year-olds having sex. You know what I mean? In the horrible outcomes, we end up with somebody suicidal, somebody pregnant, somebody on drugs and alcohol. The best possible outcome is two goofy 14-year-olds completely confused, far too far into the intimacy, not knowing how to handle it, in pain, confused, spinning around, probably screwing up at school as a result. That's as good as it gets for 14-year-old having sex. It's a disaster no matter how you look at it. So kind of, Meli, pull it back, just keep the relationship going, but stop the sexual thing, it's screwing everything up for you.

18:46🔗 Adam Three out of four 14-year-old guys are spazs anyway. I don't mean spazs, but they don't communicate well. Guys in their 30s aren't good at communicating in a relationship. 14-year-olds, are you kidding me?

18:58🔗 Drew Are you kidding?

18:59🔗 Adam Plus the ones that get laid magically are the ones who can't form a sentence.

19:03🔗 Caller I don't know what that is.

19:04🔗 Drew By the way, the woman's like a graduate student at 14, the guy's like some sort of Martian.

19:09🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Yeah, they just, you talk to your friend's kids once in a while and it's like, how's it going? Fine, fine, fine. You got, you're playing baseball tomorrow? You're looking forward to that?

19:23🔗 Allana Ubach Stop, stop, stop.

19:24🔗 Adam It's okay. You know, they look down, they get weird. You know, I don't know what it is, but 14 year old guys, and that's the guy who's getting laid. You show me a guy who can string together a sentence, I'll show you guys not getting to anything until a junior year of college. Drew, don't let your boys talk.

19:39🔗 Drew Don't worry.

19:39🔗 Adam You know what I'm gonna do? If I have sons, I'm gonna have them practice brooding. Brood. If you take an hour, put that pen down and put that textbook down and work on your brooding son.

19:48🔗 Drew Come on Adam, you know that comedy is the greatest social lubricant. Oh yeah, yeah. Look what I did for you. It was fantastic.

19:56🔗 Adam I'll tell you who was a big cut up in high school too.

19:58🔗 Drew All women say they want a guy with a good sense of humor, Adam.

20:00🔗 Adam Jimmy Kimmel, funniest guy in high school.

20:02🔗 Drew Did you go to school with him?

20:04🔗 Adam No I didn't. He tells me every day how funny he was. Didn't translate. No, one ounce of plune tang. Not one ounce. Poor Jimmy.

20:12🔗 Drew Before we go to break, Ranchero Countdown.

20:15🔗 Adam Okay. Here's how the game is played. We play the Ranchero music. We come in in a random Ranchero song, in any random song, in any random point, and we try to decide in advance how long before we hear an accordion. Could be the beginning of the song, could be the middle, could be at the end. How long? Now, Drew, you make your first bet. I got to give Allana a shot here.

20:40🔗 Drew Eight seconds.

20:41🔗 Adam Eight seconds.

20:41🔗 Drew It's a bold.

20:42🔗 Caller Going deep.

20:43🔗 Adam Deep.

20:44🔗 Caller Wow.

20:44🔗 Adam Wow. Yeah. Now, you can go immediate, too. You could just hear the accordion in wherever engineer Chris.

20:50🔗 Drew I mean, you know Ranchero music.

20:51🔗 Caller Right. Right.

20:52🔗 Caller Sure. Absolutely.

20:53🔗 Drew Yeah. The accordion figure is a little bit into that music.

20:55🔗 Caller No, it's very unpredictable.

20:56🔗 Caller Drew's going eight seconds.

20:58🔗 Adam Allana, what do you got?

20:59🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, six, man.

21:01🔗 Caller Six.

21:01🔗 Allana Ubach Definitely six.

21:01🔗 Adam Smart.

21:02🔗 Allana Ubach Smart.

21:31🔗 Drew Well, that, come on. Chris, that didn't count. No, no, no, stop it.

21:36🔗 Caller It stopped. He has no...

21:39🔗 Caller There you go.

21:41🔗 Adam Oh, no, hold on. Drew, be quiet.

21:50🔗 Drew It took a natural pause.

21:52🔗 Adam Oh, really?

21:53🔗 Caller It stopped, huh? All right, now wait a minute.

21:56🔗 Adam It's hard to figure now.

21:58🔗 Drew Wait, play me a real Ranchero song. This one just sucks. Hold on, let this song play, because this song's making me horny.

22:06🔗 Adam The gringo has returned to the apartment, and he's horny for his hot little alignment. Okay. Yeah, there's your...

22:13🔗 Caller Hi, there you are.

22:14🔗 Caller I've been waiting for you.

22:15🔗 Adam It's a tight smock you're wearing.

22:17🔗 Caller I see. It's my momo. Do you like what you see underneath, baby?

22:20🔗 Adam I'll tell you what, I'm going to flip up that flack like a quarterback getting under a set of...

22:24🔗 Caller No, no, do it slow, do it slow.

22:57🔗 Adam Give me one of those corn muffins for the road.

23:00🔗 Caller Thanks. I just want to hit off that gatorade for you.

23:04🔗 Adam I'm going to hit off that sunny deep.

23:07🔗 Caller Thank you.

23:08🔗 Adam Let me just wipe my wick off with that horchata there.

23:15🔗 Caller Wipe it on my momo, baby. Wipe it right here.

23:17🔗 Adam I don't want to come at home smelling like you. It's going to smell like cinnamon.

23:20🔗 Caller One last thing.

23:21🔗 Adam One last thing.

23:24🔗 Caller Thank you.

23:27🔗 Caller I'm double-part.

23:29🔗 Adam All right. Let's take a little break. I really do feel like I did something there.

23:36🔗 Caller Well, I got a head rush there, Drew.

23:38🔗 Caller Oh yeah. I'm pregnant.

23:40🔗 Adam Allana Ubach is here tonight.

23:42🔗 Caller Allana Ubach is pregnant.

23:43🔗 Adam Sure. She's working on her night. She's also going to be in Meet the Fockers, which is... You see? Hold on a second. I think now there's something interesting here, which is-

24:01🔗 Drew The FCC, this allows the-

24:02🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. The joke of the movie, and of the guy's name, is that it's close to the F word, not quite. But if you say it, and you say it verbatim, meet the Fockers. If you say it, but you say it with the-

24:16🔗 Drew With an accent.

24:16🔗 Adam Accent?

24:17🔗 Drew That's it.

24:18🔗 Adam Yeah, it is.

24:19🔗 Drew It's the real thing.

24:20🔗 Adam But technically, we have an out.

24:22🔗 Caller You know what I'm saying?

24:23🔗 Drew Which, by the way, the fact that there's a technicality shines a bright light on how ludicrous all this is.

24:28🔗 Caller Right.

24:29🔗 Adam But Allana is free to say, in her accent, meet the Fock.

24:37🔗 Caller All right. We won. We won on a technicality. She's got an accent.

24:40🔗 Drew That's the name of the movie. I wonder if the marketing of this film is going to be restricted because of that.

24:44🔗 Caller It hasn't heard it so far.

24:46🔗 Adam Well, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back to talk a little more with Allana about what movie? Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline of Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Allana Ubach is here tonight from the new movie.

25:32🔗 Caller Meet the Fockers.

25:37🔗 Adam It's so easy when I laugh every time. Yeah, Meet the Fockers, everybody. It is out in a couple of weeks, out on the 22nd on a Wednesday, December 22nd.

25:46🔗 Allana Ubach December 22nd, go check it out.

25:48🔗 Adam Gonna be huge, and Allana is such a versatile actress that she's able to play a nubile English hottie who's next to Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde and now a husky Mexican maid in Meet the Fockers.

26:04🔗 Caller I mean, that's range, right?

26:05🔗 Drew That's range, yeah, that's range.

26:07🔗 Adam And they just, so if you didn't tune in to the first segment, we're doing a little Mexican accent night because that is the character. What is your character's name, by the way?

26:18🔗 Caller The character's name is Isabel. Isabel, and Isabel is the South American.

26:24🔗 Drew Not Central American, but South American.

26:26🔗 Caller South American, or Central American.

26:28🔗 Allana Ubach You know, we couldn't really quite figure that out because she makes chimichangas, but at the same time, she's supposed to be from like South America, Central America, so.

26:36🔗 Drew Central America, most of the people.

26:37🔗 Allana Ubach But chimichangas are Mexican, aren't they, chimichangas?

26:39🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, but I mean, but if you're from El Salvador or Nicaragua.

26:42🔗 Caller Sure, absolutely, she's gay. El Salvador. Yeah, she's from all over the place, you know.

26:46🔗 Drew They would never, they would never, El Salvadorians never call themselves from South America, though.

26:50🔗 Allana Ubach Right, no, Central America, absolutely.

26:53🔗 Caller Well, when J.

26:53🔗 Allana Ubach Roach and I were trying to discuss where this character might be from, he was like, you know, take a, take a pic. She could be from Colombia, she could be from Argentina, she can be from Nicaragua, Guatemala, and I was like, oh my God.

27:03🔗 Drew Argentina?

27:04🔗 Allana Ubach Where would she be from? Where should she be? Action?

27:06🔗 Caller Oh God, okay.

27:07🔗 Allana Ubach So it's basically, you know, kind of evolved into, you know, just a big potpourri of all the accents I've heard of growing up.

27:14🔗 Adam And is your, you're half Puerto Rican and half Mexican?

27:18🔗 Caller Yes.

27:18🔗 Adam And in your?

27:19🔗 Allana Ubach And all sexy.

27:20🔗 Adam Who's what? Yeah, because I mean, you're also very, well, first off, you don't look Puerto Rican or Mexican.

27:27🔗 Caller I look like a Jewish American princess.

27:28🔗 Adam Right. What happened? How did that work?

27:30🔗 Allana Ubach Let me tell you, my mom has red hair and freckles. It's hilarious.

27:34🔗 Adam She's Puerto Rican?

27:35🔗 Allana Ubach She's Mexican. She's from Sinaloa, mexico. And yeah, but my grandparents all had like blonde hair and blue eyes, but they were Spaniards.

27:41🔗 Drew Right, the Spaniards.

27:42🔗 Allana Ubach So there were Moranos during the Spanish Inquisition, blah, blah, blah, boring story. But they all came out to mexico and Puerto rico. My father had blue eyes. So it's just a combination of the two of them. You know, they, well, they, they bore a Jewish American little princess, didn't they?

27:56🔗 Adam Is anyone Jewish?

27:58🔗 Allana Ubach In my family?

27:59🔗 Adam Yeah.

27:59🔗 Allana Ubach No, I mean, you know, I would definitely think there's a little bit of Sephardic in us, if anything.

28:04🔗 Adam Did you, where'd you grow up?

28:06🔗 Allana Ubach I was born and raised in Downey, around the corner from the Carpenters, Karen and Richard.

28:09🔗 Caller Wow.

28:10🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah, dude. Really creepy.

28:14🔗 Adam They, like, lived at home and their parents wouldn't let them move out.

28:17🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, no.

28:19🔗 Adam Selling millions of records.

28:20🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah, they had this huge, huge cake of a mansion that was right around the corner from us, and it was like the biggest house and like a big slew of, like, track houses right by the freeway. But they were very glamorous because they gave out dollar bills during Halloween. So anytime I'd go and knock on the door, I'd be like, oh, it's me again. They're like, hey, weren't you the little pumpkin that just came by a little while ago? But I'd make like 20 bucks in one night. It was awesome.

28:43🔗 Adam My mom was a health food nut. So she would hang out.

28:46🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, how embarrassing.

28:48🔗 Adam Straw. No, she would hand out the mini boxes of raisins. One year it was walnuts. By the way, let me tell you, this stuff, it becomes ammunition when they get to the end of the driveway. They just turn around and fire it right back in the house. You just stand on the porch dodging fire from the disgruntled nine-year-olds all day.

29:10🔗 Drew Should we get the message? No.

29:11🔗 Adam No. Let's act with the kids. Look, just turn the lights off and close the door. Blow the candle out, the jack-o'-lantern. People keep moving. Waste your precious time coming up your crappy house and getting a walnut. Jesus Christ. Do you see what I was dealing with? It's kind of weird.

29:28🔗 Allana Ubach She was out of her time.

29:29🔗 Adam That damn walnut.

29:30🔗 Allana Ubach A little conscious.

29:31🔗 Adam No.

29:31🔗 Allana Ubach No. All right.

29:33🔗 Adam So, yeah, Allana, here tonight. Movie's coming out a couple of weeks and ever. I predict this movie. I think the first movie, Meet the Parents, was like it did well and it was word of mouth. People told everyone go see it. I don't know what it did on its opening weekend, but I predict this is going to have to double that last.

29:55🔗 Allana Ubach Pretty amazing. All the masters.

29:56🔗 Caller It's pretty cool.

29:57🔗 Adam Yeah. De Niro and Streisand.

29:59🔗 Drew Are you in teams with everybody?

30:01🔗 Caller Oh yeah.

30:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:03🔗 Caller That's awesome.

30:04🔗 Adam Wow.

30:04🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah.

30:05🔗 Adam That's awesome.

30:05🔗 Allana Ubach Dustin Hoffman is hilarious. He should be on the show.

30:08🔗 Adam Well, bring him up.

30:08🔗 Allana Ubach He's the funniest guy.

30:09🔗 Adam Go get him.

30:10🔗 Allana Ubach He comes back with little one-liners. He is Lenny Bruce. He is Lenny Bruce.

30:13🔗 Adam Jesse? You're 16?

30:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

30:18🔗 Caller What's up?

30:21🔗 Caller What's up? Yeah. Okay. I'm just wondering, Dr. Drew? Yeah. Okay. I'm really interested in your career and whatnot, and I'm really interested in getting into that, actually. And I'm just wondering what type of schooling you went through and what classes and whatnot you had to take.

30:41🔗 Drew To be an internist?

30:43🔗 Caller Yes.

30:45🔗 Drew You got to go to medical school and you got to do a residency in internal medicine and then a fellowship in addiction medicine.

30:50🔗 Adam Well, you want to be addiction medicine specialist, Jesse?

30:55🔗 Caller Yeah, I am.

30:56🔗 Drew So you got to get into a good college and then you got to get into a medical school and then you got to get into a residency.

31:01🔗 Adam Oh, forget it. Just marry a guy who makes money.

31:03🔗 Drew You got about...

31:04🔗 Caller Wait, okay. I don't know if this is weird. I'm kind of really interested in like marriage therapy and like sex therapy and stuff. Is that weird for like...

31:14🔗 Drew I don't know. It's still, if you really want to get into the depths of it, you still need to get an MD first.

31:20🔗 Caller Well, okay.

31:21🔗 Adam Hey, Jessie.

31:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

31:23🔗 Adam You could be a counselor.

31:24🔗 Drew You could get a PhD or a PsyD.

31:26🔗 Caller Okay.

31:26🔗 Adam Jessie, how are you doing in school? Are you doing well?

31:29🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm doing very well, actually. Right now I have 10 classes. Well, most of them are...

31:36🔗 Adam 10 classes in high school?

31:38🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm taking a few APs in there. And I mean, it's fine and it's so different.

31:44🔗 Drew Just get into the best college. Just get into the best college you can. Don't worry about what you're taking right now. And in fact, don't waste too much of your time with the sciences in college. Take a lot of liberal studies, too.

31:54🔗 Caller Yeah? Okay. Okay. Me and my friend listen to you all the time and we just love you guys so much. Like, Adam, you're all powerful. Okay? It's true.

32:05🔗 Caller And Drew, you really are.

32:07🔗 Allana Ubach In more ways than one, baby. You have no idea, Jessie.

32:10🔗 Caller Oh, God.

32:11🔗 Adam And I like the brown sugar, too.

32:13🔗 Caller You know, your Ranchero Countdown?

32:15🔗 Adam Yes.

32:16🔗 Caller We created a game ourselves. It's called the Cut-Off Countdown. Okay, we're in band together and our director...

32:25🔗 Adam Did I just cut her off? Yeah. Is it called the Cut-Off Countdown?

32:29🔗 Caller Well...

32:30🔗 Adam Was that what she was calling it?

32:32🔗 You won!

32:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

32:33🔗 You won the countdown. You cut her off.

32:35🔗 Adam Jessie?

32:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

32:36🔗 Adam Yeah. Go ahead. It's called the Cut-Off Countdown?

32:39🔗 Caller Yeah.

32:39🔗 Caller Okay.

32:40🔗 Caller Okay. We're in band together. And our director cuts off randomly at times and just starts bitching. So, yeah, we're just like, well, before we start, we're like, okay, I give it eight, like eight measures, you know?

32:51🔗 Caller Right.

32:51🔗 Adam Before you're banned, before the conductor stops and starts yelling at everyone.

32:55🔗 Caller Okay. So he's like, okay. And he starts...

32:57🔗 Drew That's good. Let's go ahead and amuse yourself.

32:58🔗 Adam Yeah. I just cut her off, ironically. You know, the first round, speaking of Ace's Mexican Ranchero recording Countdown, it felt a little empty because there was a long beat. I don't care if you like the song, Drew.

33:12🔗 Drew But you want to feel satisfied by the Ranchero spirit.

33:14🔗 Adam Drew, you don't understand that that is the essence of Ranchero. The worse, the more the Ranchero.

33:22🔗 Allana Ubach You need live mariachis coming in here and like really busting moves.

33:24🔗 Adam And it's working on it. But until then, all we have is engineering. That song is the essence of it because are you annoyed? Do you feel like punching somebody? Are you skin crawling?

33:35🔗 Drew Is your scalp dying?

33:39🔗 Adam Then that's Ranchero music. You understand? You've been moved. All right. So I think we have to play another round. Because that one had a big long pause in the middle of it.

33:48🔗 Drew You want to do one more call?

33:49🔗 Caller Ranchero countdown.

33:50🔗 Adam No good.

33:51🔗 Caller You don't like that game.

33:53🔗 Drew One more call.

33:54🔗 Adam Quick call.

33:54🔗 Drew Quick call. Chris, it was a real Ranchero.

33:57🔗 Adam nicolette, no. And we don't want the boy screening. This has to be pure Drew.

34:02🔗 Drew All right, Ramon.

34:03🔗 Adam nicolette?

34:04🔗 Caller Hi.

34:05🔗 Adam You're 25?

34:06🔗 Caller I'm 25. Basically, I've been on a deco Povera shot for five years.

34:12🔗 Caller Oh, that's tough.

34:14🔗 Caller And I love it, by the way. But the only problem that I'm having is I'm getting excited with my current boyfriend. And this has happened in the past, too. But I'm not, you know, I'm not getting wet, basically.

34:26🔗 Drew So I'm excited. That is a rather common side effect of the deco shot.

34:30🔗 Caller I am like having to sneak in like the key while I'm like, oh, you dropped the sock.

34:34🔗 Caller Oh, go get the condom.

34:35🔗 Caller Why are you sneaking the guy in so quickly?

34:37🔗 Drew Wait, wait, wait. He doesn't care, nicolette. Just bring it right in. He'll be fine.

34:40🔗 Caller Oh, I know. It's kind of embarrassing, though. You know what I mean?

34:42🔗 Drew It's a side effect of the shot you're taking. It doesn't make you depressed. It doesn't interfere with your libido, which you can for many women do. And it just makes you a little dry. So you bring the lubricant and it's fine.

34:51🔗 Allana Ubach Can I ask you a question? If you masturbate a little bit before you have sex with your boyfriend, does that help at all?

34:55🔗 Caller I have actually never masturbated before.

34:58🔗 Caller And then another question...

34:59🔗 Allana Ubach That's fantastic. You'll never need a boyfriend again.

35:01🔗 Adam That's right.

35:02🔗 Caller And then I don't know if I've actually... I've been with a few guys. I don't know if I've ever had an orgasm either. So I don't... I can't really ask my girlfriend about it because I'm like, yes. I feel like I can't about it basically, so... Can I make a suggestion?

35:15🔗 Drew The depot kind of works against you. It can make it difficult to have an orgasm. That's part one of the problems with that shot.

35:20🔗 Adam But she hasn't always been on the depot.

35:22🔗 Drew I understand, but she's been on it for five years and that's a lot of her sexual...

35:24🔗 Adam Oh, she has. Five whole years.

35:26🔗 Drew All right, let Allana make... You may want to talk to her about maybe get some estrogen cream because sometimes estrogenizing the vaginal area helps with that lubrication.

35:33🔗 Adam Where do you put it? Put it down there?

35:35🔗 Drew I put it right on here.

35:36🔗 Adam Wow.

35:37🔗 Drew And sometimes perhaps that can be enough estrogen in your system to restore things like orgasmic function.

35:41🔗 Adam All right, let Allana give her suggestion.

35:43🔗 Allana Ubach There are these sex shops that you can go to. They're really great. Like the Pleasure Chest. And what you can do is you can go up to the person in the front of the counter. You can say, look, I'm really having trouble having an orgasm with my boyfriend. Basically, do you have any sort of like little belts that I can wear or something like that?

35:57🔗 Adam Let me explain.

35:58🔗 Allana Ubach Honestly, I tried and they're fantastic. They're great.

36:00🔗 Adam Who you're talking to.

36:01🔗 Allana Ubach You turn them on while you're having sex with your boyfriend and you see the heavens. It's awesome.

36:06🔗 Drew Spinner says, wow, wow, El Giro.

36:09🔗 Adam Passionate, passionate.

36:11🔗 Allana Ubach It's great.

36:12🔗 Adam Yeah, it's great. Talking to the guy at the Pleasure Chess, the guy wearing the hockey jersey and the cutoff sweats and the flip flops, he's fat, got that bad goatee.

36:21🔗 Drew It looks like the guy from The Simpsons that has the comic book story. Yeah.

36:26🔗 Adam And he's like, yeah, if you're silly, the vibrators, we got to fire them up because there's no return. She needs to get going on stuff. I agree. All right, should we play a little Ace's Mexican Ranchero 14 countdown?

37:07🔗 Drew Allana, here you go. What's your bet? How long? 12 counts. 12 seconds. 12 seconds. Instant, I'll go instant.

37:15🔗 Adam Instant.

37:15🔗 Drew Instant.

37:16🔗 Adam I gotta tell you, 12 is a lifetime.

37:20🔗 Allana Ubach No, eight.

37:21🔗 Drew Sorry, eight. It's a better bet.

37:23🔗 Adam All right.

37:23🔗 Drew That last one was about 12.

37:27🔗 Adam I'm going five. I'm going five.

37:29🔗 Drew All right. Zero, five, and eight.

37:30🔗 Adam You ready there, Chris? What are they singing? What are they talking about?

38:08🔗 Allana Ubach They're saying, give me back my pussycat, give me back my pussycat. Where did that pussycat go? Meow, meow.

38:16🔗 Adam See, I told you, they're not scared to deal with topics. They're willing to take society by the lapels and shake it senselessly.

38:27🔗 Drew With the topics, they tackle the songs.

38:30🔗 Caller They're like Nirvana meets Bob Dylan.

38:31🔗 Drew Oh, just social commentary is deep, profound.

38:34🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh, here it is.

38:36🔗 Drew Oh, I'm missing that. All right.

38:37🔗 Caller This looks magic fingers.

38:39🔗 Adam This is under protest, Drew. Under protest.

38:41🔗 Drew Hey Anderson, how dare you. Didn't we just talk about how it's horrible music and it makes our skin crawl, and now we're playing it. Hey Anderson, will you relax? Dude, are you racist or something? What's the matter with you?

38:54🔗 Allana Ubach I think it's kind of groovy. It makes me feel like an extra in traffic, you know? Yeah. When he said El Toro is like buying that pop, sucking on the pop.

39:02🔗 Drew Anderson gets a buzz when he hears this music. It's a problem.

39:04🔗 Adam Yeah, because he's never heard it. Many people have never heard this sober.

39:07🔗 Drew I never have. It's like being hung over and not cranking.

39:10🔗 Adam Yeah.

39:11🔗 Drew Has Anderson ever heard any music? Oh, no, wait, no.

39:14🔗 Adam I don't think so.

39:15🔗 Drew No.

39:15🔗 Adam Maybe just whatever's on is Clank Alarm. It goes off at noon.

39:19🔗 Drew All right.

39:20🔗 Adam Let's take a little break.

39:21🔗 Drew I like this song.

39:22🔗 Adam Yeah, this is a good one. This is Ranchero music, right?

39:25🔗 Allana Ubach I think she just said, wax my ass.

39:28🔗 Drew That's nice. I've always told them this, nothing says Ranchero like New England in the wintertime. This is just smack in the maple syrup and covered bridges, and the leaves changing. 100 percent. Can't you see it?

39:40🔗 Adam Let's take ourselves a little bit of a break. Allana Ubach is here tonight from the new movie.

39:51🔗 Caller Meet the mother f***er.

39:53🔗 Drew I don't think that's going out.

39:55🔗 Caller Oh, no.

39:56🔗 Drew Sorry.

39:57🔗 Caller Never again.

40:00🔗 Caller I think it's the name of the movie.

40:01🔗 Drew Meet the mother f***er.

40:04🔗 Adam All right. We'll be right back after this.

40:07🔗 Allana Ubach Thank you for calling Loveline.

40:08🔗 Caller Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.

40:28🔗 Caller Hey, buddy, it's Loveline.

40:29🔗 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Allana Ubach is here tonight. Yes. Allana is...

40:40🔗 Allana Ubach Once Ubach, now Ubach.

40:42🔗 Adam A very, very talented actress who's in the new Meet the Fockers movie, which is coming out on the 22nd of December. It's not even worth plugging this movie. It's gonna be that huge.

40:54🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, thank you. Your mouth of God's ears, right?

40:56🔗 Adam Please. You don't need God. You don't need anyone on this one. It's gonna be huge. People are buzzing about it already. And the snobs I hang out with, you know? I mean, the writers and the pseudo-intellectual types are all, they're all getting primed to see this one. And I thought, I think the Barbara Streisand casting was great. Obviously Dustin Hoffman. And it's just, everyone's just on pins and needles. And your character playing the big Spanish maid.

41:26🔗 Allana Ubach The Spanish housekeeper. And I look nothing like my part. It's awesome.

41:29🔗 Adam You're gonna steal the show.

41:31🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, thank you, man.

41:32🔗 Adam I predict there'll be a spinoff. They'll spin a whole movie off. No, they'll have a whole TV series. Yeah, a TV series.

41:38🔗 Caller Ah, Isabel's cooking job.

41:40🔗 Allana Ubach I hope that everyone enjoyed the Jimmy Changa screaming last time. You know what I mean? That'd be very cool, right?

41:46🔗 Adam So, no, I don't know where I was. Oh, I want to say this. I don't know if I did this thing today where I checked my messages, my saved messages on the message center. I don't know if you guys have the message center. It's really weird and depressing and you feel bad. The thing is like if you have a phone machine, you kind of got to listen to your messages and then write them down. But if you have that message center, which the phone company provides, they can do a thing where you save the messages. So oftentimes you'll hear a message and you'll just immediately save it like that. But then if you're like me, you don't go back and listen to it for three months and then there'll be 28 of them. Then one day you'll finally go, I got to listen to these messages and it's horribly uncomfortable because it's like the date will be like September 22nd and it'll be like, hey Adam, I'm in town for three days. It's your old buddy Rob.

42:37🔗 Caller Give me a call.

42:39🔗 Adam Then you realize you never called the guy and your skin crawls. I actually will sort of walk in place because I'm uncomfortable. Like I feel I got and now here's where it gets bad. I'm not name dropping, but Dexter from the offspring call.

42:53🔗 Drew Yeah, you're supposed to fly with two months ago.

42:55🔗 Adam Hey, buddy, it's Dexter from the offspring. I'm coming in. I'm coming out to LA in the next couple of weeks. The band's got a break.

43:02🔗 Caller I want to take you fly.

43:03🔗 Adam I remember he didn't do that.

43:05🔗 Caller And I'm like, it's it's foos.

43:08🔗 Adam The date on it was like November 2nd.

43:11🔗 Drew And I'm like, by the way, that might have been 03.

43:13🔗 Adam Yeah, it could have been 03. And I was like, I, you know, it's like, and you start talking like you go, hey, sorry, buddy.

43:19🔗 Caller Hey, buddy, buddy.

43:20🔗 Adam No, I'm going to, but it's a horrible thing to have for a person like me. I've realized because you immediately you hear you're in a rush, you're listing your messages. Maybe you're looking for someone. You just hit the save, hit save, hit save. I'll get back to him, hit save. And it's just a long slew of people that are dying or old friends that have come into town or rock stars that want to take you in an airplane. And you completely blew everyone off. And by the way, once it gets into the save pot, you don't go back and check it very often. You just feel like the world's biggest ale.

43:48🔗 Allana Ubach No, because it accumulates. Who wants to go through like, you know, old boundaries?

43:51🔗 Adam Yeah, and it's weird. You really have this visceral thing where you start talking and you're sorry. It's like when you step on your dog. That's what it is.

43:59🔗 Caller I do that all the time.

44:00🔗 Adam And you're like, I, no, I didn't.

44:02🔗 Drew The minute.

44:02🔗 Adam Yeah, you're talking to the dog. That's what it was. Drew, you don't have that message center, huh?

44:08🔗 Drew I don't know how frustrating it is for you to hold somebody that doesn't answer his phone or his message.

44:12🔗 Adam Got to get that message center. Yeah. Allana, you have a message center?

44:17🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah, my boyfriend likes to save all of his messages and make a huge story out of all these messages that are saved. And they're usually like messages where I call him up and say, we really have to talk about that, that French maid outfit that I found inside of your closet yesterday. Please call me back. And he'll save them and have me listen to them. It's torture.

44:32🔗 Adam That's right.

44:32🔗 Caller It's torture.

44:33🔗 Adam Not as much torture as your buddy's going to be in town for two days.

44:37🔗 Caller He's staying at the airport.

44:38🔗 Hilton, give him a call.

44:39🔗 Adam It's been too long. We got to catch up. That was six weeks ago.

44:43🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, man, dude.

44:44🔗 Adam Oh, what an a-hole you must be to them.

44:46🔗 Allana Ubach I ever had a couple of people in jail wanting you to bail them out.

44:48🔗 Caller Oh, a whole family.

44:50🔗 Adam Let's get back to the phones and speak to you, Michelle. All right. Let's talk to Marie. Marie?

44:59🔗 Caller Yes.

45:00🔗 Adam You're 25?

45:01🔗 Caller Yes.

45:02🔗 Adam You suspect your husband is a cross-dresser?

45:05🔗 Caller Yes.

45:06🔗 Drew Why? How come?

45:09🔗 Caller I was watching the show on HBO the other day and I saw it just gave me some clues that I think that maybe that's what he's doing.

45:17🔗 Drew Like what?

45:19🔗 Caller Well, it was talking about just the type of person that was talking on there and it just really freaked me out and it made me really scared.

45:29🔗 Drew Well, why did you say so?

45:30🔗 Adam Talk about specific information.

45:32🔗 Drew Man, was that clear enough?

45:33🔗 Adam Just talking about the kind of guy.

45:34🔗 Caller Well, you know what? It just seemed like that.

45:37🔗 Adam He's a cross-dresser. We don't need to hear anymore. I mean, when you hear that kind of damn inevitable.

45:40🔗 Allana Ubach It's like a Carver novel or something like that. That's amazing.

45:43🔗 Caller That's a smoking gun.

45:44🔗 Caller We dressed up for Halloween as Mary Kate and Ashley and thought it was going to be really funny. I couldn't get him out of the outfit.

45:52🔗 Caller What do you mean?

45:53🔗 Adam Like well into the next week or what do you mean?

45:55🔗 Caller No, it was like three o'clock in the morning and I couldn't get him out of the outfit and my friends were looking at me going, You know what, Marie? Chris is not, you know, he's liking this outfit a little too much.

46:04🔗 Adam Chris, Marie, yeah, name dropping.

46:07🔗 Drew Is that mean to you?

46:09🔗 Adam Yeah, that's a bogus call.

46:13🔗 Drew You know, Allana, is that you?

46:16🔗 Caller Pardon?

46:17🔗 Caller Athena, get off the phone.

46:20🔗 Allana Ubach That's my sister.

46:21🔗 Caller How did you get on the air?

46:25🔗 Adam Crazy.

46:28🔗 Allana Ubach Does she sound just like me?

46:30🔗 Caller You're very cool.

46:31🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, thanks, kiddo.

46:32🔗 Caller I think Adam has a little bit of a crush on you.

46:35🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, he does, doesn't he?

46:36🔗 Caller Yeah, I know. I can tell.

46:39🔗 Allana Ubach My sister's a therapist.

46:40🔗 Caller Believe me, I know the stuff. You got a little bit of a crush on my sister.

46:44🔗 Caller That's cool.

46:47🔗 Drew He's crawling across the tabletop. What are you talking about?

46:49🔗 Caller You know what, though? We really did dress up like Mary Kay and Allana did our makeup, and it was fantastic.

46:56🔗 Caller Oh, thanks, Athena.

46:57🔗 Caller We looked exactly alike.

46:58🔗 Caller It was fabulous.

46:59🔗 Caller This is wonderful.

47:01🔗 Adam All right, Athena. I'm going with Athena. Hold on a second, Athena. We got to run late on a break. I love you, Athena. We'll talk all about her when we get back. What's the new movie we're going to see? All right, after this. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Allana Ubach is here tonight.

47:57🔗 Caller And I'm naked.

47:58🔗 Drew And her sister.

47:59🔗 Adam She's, yeah, we called in just a little bit earlier.

48:03🔗 Drew One of the rare females who sort of give us a bogus call on her own initiative.

48:09🔗 Adam Yeah.

48:10🔗 Drew Incredible.

48:11🔗 Adam Got that gene. Alana's in Meet the Fockers, which is coming out on the 22nd.

48:16🔗 Allana Ubach Meet the Fockers, we'll check it out, man.

48:18🔗 Adam On December Place, the big Spanish maid. And I was thinking with Allana, I think, you know, what's the downside? Because you and I, we're sort of students. We know people, we know women, we know how they work. You know, you have, she's beautiful.

48:30🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, that's what you think. Do you really think you know women and you know how they work and everything like that? I do. You know, you just hang out with women who make you think that you know women and how they work and what they do.

48:39🔗 Drew Well, he knows I have to know that nobody really knows. There's no rational.

48:43🔗 Adam No, no, we know people and women are people, sort of. The point is, is Allana is attractive and she's funny and she's naked and she's talented. Where's the dark side?

48:55🔗 Allana Ubach Can I show you something? Where does it come out? Where's the dark side? I'll show you right now, baby.

48:58🔗 Adam Show me the dark side.

49:00🔗 Allana Ubach You ready?

49:00🔗 Adam Yeah.

49:01🔗 Allana Ubach One, two, three.

49:03🔗 Caller How's that for the dark side, baby?

49:05🔗 Allana Ubach You like what you see? You like that, baby?

49:08🔗 Drew Isn't her sister vomiting now or calling a pet team? One or the other. She's either barfing or calling a pet team.

49:18🔗 Adam You watch that Hookers on the Brink show on HBO? It's awesome.

49:24🔗 Allana Ubach It's fantastic.

49:26🔗 Adam They go to the worst neighborhoods in the world and they mic up the Hookers and then the guys try to talk them down from an $18 hand job. So watch, I'll show you how that one goes. We get in the car together and you ask me what I want.

49:42🔗 Caller Okay, baby, what you need?

49:45🔗 Adam How much for a BJ?

49:46🔗 Caller Oh, a BJ? Oh, come on, honey. You dirty, we inside of a Corolla. You can say the word. Say it, baby. Come on, say the word. How much? How much? How much? How do you want it? You want a little bit of hand job first?

50:00🔗 Allana Ubach You want me to go down on you?

50:01🔗 Caller How long do you want it to last, baby?

50:02🔗 Adam I want a little hand. I want a little hand and then I want to finish with the BJ.

50:05🔗 Caller Okay, how do you like it? Okay, hold on. Here we go.

50:07🔗 Adam How much?

50:08🔗 Caller How much?

50:08🔗 Allana Ubach Something's growing.

50:09🔗 Adam I need a price first.

50:10🔗 Allana Ubach Something's growing.

50:10🔗 Caller I need a price.

50:11🔗 Allana Ubach It's called the price.

50:12🔗 Caller That's what's growing, baby. No, I got it. How about 25?

50:15🔗 Caller 25?

50:16🔗 Caller 25?

50:17🔗 Adam Who am I by the rocker?

50:21🔗 Caller 25, I'm gonna pull it off of you.

50:22🔗 Caller You got to do better than that.

50:24🔗 Caller Come on, man. I licked the shoulder and everything. What you talking about? I'll find a way for me and everything won't go down.

50:32🔗 Caller 18.

50:32🔗 Adam 18.

50:33🔗 Caller 18?

50:33🔗 Caller 18.

50:34🔗 Caller 18, man, and I, okay, I ain't gonna find the balls. I'm gonna cradle your nuts.

50:39🔗 Adam Okay.

50:39🔗 Caller Okay? You can just get those cradling nuts days in your head. You can just put it out of your mind right now. I'm just gonna go down on you and go take 10 seconds.

50:47🔗 Adam All right, $12.

50:47🔗 Caller Give me the cash now.

50:49🔗 Adam I'll give you a half now, half now, half on delivery of semen.

50:53🔗 Caller Six? What is this?

50:54🔗 Caller Excuse me?

50:56🔗 Caller I got 12. I got 12.

50:57🔗 Allana Ubach I'm just gonna give you a hand job, man.

50:59🔗 Caller Blue balls.

51:00🔗 Caller I need, I need more.

51:01🔗 Caller Don't even think about coming unless I get my other six.

51:03🔗 Adam I got an ATM that only gives out $12.

51:05🔗 Caller Listen, you better bust your number first.

51:08🔗 Allana Ubach You give me six more.

51:09🔗 Adam All right, hold on. Unless my wife uses...

51:11🔗 Allana Ubach I'm out here, man.

51:12🔗 Adam My wife uses the van for carpooling. I want to put a trash bag down.

51:16🔗 Caller What is this? What is this? This is a bubble fit? What kind of sick, perverted man are you?

51:23🔗 Caller You got kids.

51:24🔗 Adam Well, she just used... She carpools. Tomorrow's her day, so I'm going to...

51:27🔗 Caller What did the GIO go on here to?

51:29🔗 Adam It's got automatic doors. I just hit the clicker on the remote. Here we go. All right, let me focus now. It's going to be quick and perfect. Okay, well, don't talk. I got to focus now. All right, don't make that noise. No, I got to focus. If you do, just be quiet. It's going to take too long.

51:42🔗 Caller All right, let me focus now. I got to go. Out of the van.

52:15🔗 Adam Here's $2, I got to go.

52:17🔗 Caller Here's the wet napkin.

52:20🔗 Adam All right, FCC is going to pull us off the air. Drew, please jump in. You got to stop this.

52:25🔗 Drew I'm trying to stop it.

52:28🔗 Caller You got to stop.

52:29🔗 Adam You stopped by putting your hand over your mouth? All right, let's keep going.

52:32🔗 Allana Ubach I'm sorry, we really repulsed you, didn't we?

52:33🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm afraid we're going to get off the air.

52:35🔗 Adam Ah, that's all right. That's all right. Safe harbor time. All right, you ready to rock?

52:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

52:41🔗 Adam All right, Rochelle. 20.

52:45🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, God, we scared the world, didn't we?

52:49🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, we got a lot of his friends on this. Rochelle. Hello. What's happening?

52:55🔗 Caller Oh, yeah, I might. Me and my ex-boyfriend, we worked together for three years on and off. And he was he's a Marine, but he was very aggressive. He drank a lot. He had a temper. And we broke up. And now this guy like this other guy likes me, but he's also a Marine and he has all the traits that my ex-boyfriend had.

53:16🔗 Drew The traits that you shouldn't have been involved with in the first place.

53:19🔗 Caller Yeah. And that's what I want to go out and date again. Don't get me wrong. I am working and going to school.

53:24🔗 Caller It's just.

53:26🔗 Drew Allana asked the right question is what, what is it that makes you, yeah, what makes you attracted to guys like this? And usually it's something to do with dad.

53:33🔗 Caller Yeah, my dad of rent. Oh, he he banded me when I was about three years old.

53:40🔗 Drew All right.

53:41🔗 Adam Well, all right. Well, now you see, you got rid of one abusive guy and you got a new abusive guy. So why don't you get rid of this guy and not replace him with an abusive guy?

53:50🔗 Drew There you go.

53:51🔗 Caller Yeah, it's a problem. I mean, like, how do I find a decent guy?

53:55🔗 Drew Oh, there are no decent guys. No, zero, zero.

53:59🔗 Adam Engineer Chris beats the crap out of his old lady every night when he comes home.

54:02🔗 Drew Rochelle, you are attracting and attracted to a minority.

54:05🔗 Adam Look at him, he's a killer.

54:07🔗 Drew So if you cannot be with someone who is a normal person, who is not disturbed, rough, aggressive, That's his game. Abusive, then you need treatment. You gotta get some help.

54:18🔗 Caller Yeah, I went into therapy and I dug up a lot of the dark secrets I was holding in. I was kind of depressed for a while because I was on the tempo shot.

54:28🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, listen, Rochelle, all you have to do is not go out and actively F up your life. That's a lot. Let's talk about this for a second. People want to know why everything's coming their way. Oh man, why the firings? Why the abuse? Why the bad boyfriends? Why the road rage? Why, why, why, why? You go out and find it. There's ways to avoid it. You should really be spending your life trying to avoid bad people in bad situations. I mean, if you think about it.

55:01🔗 Drew And by the way, if you're the kind of person that has been abused and is attracted to abusive people, you should use that attraction to avoid, to know that somebody you avoid.

55:09🔗 Adam Right.

55:09🔗 Drew You should learn to read that.

55:10🔗 Adam But let's, let's talk about this for a second, because we always talk about, well, if you're a winner, you have the ways of a winner. Yes, yes, you do make smart decisions in business, relationship, what have you. You also avoid a ton of ass, maybe more stuff than you actually go after. You actually spend more time avoiding negative situations and actually can have a better life through not getting stabbed, for instance, by going with your buddy down to Van Nuys so he can score some crack and hang it out. The voice in your head that says, you go alone, I'll catch you on the next one, that's the voice you got to listen to. And guys who have good lives, who have good jobs, who make good money, who have good relationships and don't get stabbed, they listen to that don't do it voice even more than the do do it.

55:59🔗 Drew Absolutely.

56:00🔗 Adam Yes? But it's weird, it's never really, it's like that, when did you know you wanted to be a doctor, Drew? Well, I knew when, and then you wanted to get into it. It's all about sort of these positive moves. There's a lot of holding back. There's a lot of stuff where like, yeah, I'm glad I didn't go with those guys, I would have got shot with them.

56:17🔗 Drew That's right. And some people can't do that.

56:20🔗 Adam No, they can't. And then they want to know why it keeps happening. Well, it keeps happening because you're bringing these people home, you're going out with them, you're telling your boss off, all this kind of, there's a lot of sort of staying at home and buttoning your lip, you got to do on the road to success.

56:35🔗 Drew Do you remember the delaying gratification, you've mentioned that, we haven't met that in a long time.

56:40🔗 Adam Right. They basically, they did a study once, which I thought was interesting, which is they just took a couple of kids and they said, look, we'll give you like three peanut M&Ms now and you can just eat them now, or we'll give you a whole pack later, but we're not going to tell you when. And the kids have basically said, give me the three now and just gobble them down and wouldn't wait, turned out to be the losers. And the one that said, well, we'll wait because there's a payday that's 20 M&Ms, we're going to wait on that. Those kids ended up being the winners and that's what it's about. It's the delayed gratification. Everyone I grew up with was like, what, go to college? You paid? No way. I'm going to work. I'm getting paid. They get nine bucks an hour for the rest of their life. That is the one component that all the losers I hung out with had, which is they couldn't, you know, you would say to them, look, you just go for six months, you learn a trade and then it's like six months? No, no, no. I got to get paid. I'm getting paid when I go there. And so in lieu of spending six months or four years or two years or getting some program and learning something, like you can tell them, look, do six months, you'll get 30 bucks an hour, or you can get 11 bucks an hour for the rest of your life. They're like, give me the paycheck.

57:53🔗 Allana Ubach People are obsessed with time. That's the biggest problem with our country. Everyone's obsessed with time.

57:57🔗 Adam And it's not even time because if you really were obsessed with time, people are sort of penny wise and pound foolish. Stupid people take the cash immediately.

58:07🔗 Drew There's actually brain mechanisms responsible for being able to suppress certain impulses and delay for more mature ones or more abstract ones, like a payoff in the future or something that they can't even conceptualize.

58:18🔗 Allana Ubach A chocolate factory at the end of the movie.

58:20🔗 Adam And that's all, by the way, all success is whether it's college or interning at the station or at the job or whatever apprenticeship, it's all putting it in and then getting the payday. Like Drew over here is a doctor. Yeah, except for you don't make money. All right, let's go to the phones and what about Allana's friend?

58:44🔗 Allana Ubach What's going on?

58:44🔗 Adam Skylar is on the phone.

58:47🔗 Allana Ubach Hi Skylar, what's up?

58:48🔗 Caller How are you doing?

58:49🔗 Allana Ubach Wow, how are you doing?

58:51🔗 Caller I'm doing really good. I have a question for you. I date a girl that's Puerto Rican and she shouts out things during sex in between moans and it's definitely her language, her tongue. And I never really had the guts to ask her what so many things mean. So I wrote some of them down. I want to know if you could decipher some of them. You speak Spanish, right?

59:11🔗 Caller Yes, I do.

59:12🔗 Drew Skylar, some of you know?

59:14🔗 Allana Ubach Skylar is actually a friend of a friend that I know.

59:16🔗 Drew OK. He sort of sounds bogus to me.

59:18🔗 Adam Well, you know, you know. All right. Now, don't say any swear words on there.

59:23🔗 Caller I don't think there's any. I don't know.

59:24🔗 Adam Go ahead.

59:25🔗 Allana Ubach So I, I, I, I, Dios, mi, ho.

59:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

59:30🔗 Allana Ubach That means, oh, my God, baby, faster, faster, more, more.

59:34🔗 Drew No, faster.

59:35🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah. Something like that. You know, just as I just me, I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God.

59:40🔗 Drew Oh, dear.

59:41🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, dear.

59:42🔗 Adam Yeah.

59:42🔗 Drew Yeah. But a lot is worried about you would mean faster.

59:45🔗 Adam But isn't isn't me. Isn't like me home, my son or something like that. Me.

59:49🔗 Allana Ubach I said me. It's me. Oh, my God.

59:53🔗 Adam I. I know it's not like when the guys, when the moms call their boys me.

59:59🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, no, gosh. No, I hope this woman isn't doesn't have a son and isn't like having sex thinking about her son.

1:00:04🔗 Adam All right.

1:00:05🔗 Drew Is that what me home means? Son?

1:00:06🔗 Caller Me. My little son.

1:00:07🔗 Drew OK.

1:00:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:09🔗 Adam So it's the different me.

1:00:10🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:00:13🔗 Adam Yeah. OK.

1:00:14🔗 Drew Me. Oh, and me.

1:00:14🔗 Adam Oh, I see. Like me. Oh, like me. OK. What else we got, Skylar?

1:00:19🔗 Caller No tantronto.

1:00:21🔗 Allana Ubach No what?

1:00:23🔗 Caller No tantronto.

1:00:24🔗 Drew Don't choke me.

1:00:25🔗 Caller No tantronto.

1:00:26🔗 Drew No tantronto.

1:00:28🔗 Caller No tantronto.

1:00:29🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, yeah.

1:00:29🔗 Caller Don't don't don't.

1:00:31🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah. Please don't asphyxiate me while we're having sex.

1:00:33🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:00:34🔗 Drew Don't don't show.

1:00:35🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah.

1:00:35🔗 Adam Seems like OK.

1:00:37🔗 Drew Don't suffocate me.

1:00:38🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah. I oh, oh, how big.

1:00:45🔗 Adam Who are you dating? Kitten, a tivetad and incorrect.

1:00:51🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:00:53🔗 Allana Ubach incorrect.

1:00:54🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:00:56🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:00:56🔗 Allana Ubach incorrect.

1:00:57🔗 Drew Oh, like wrong. I wrong.

1:01:01🔗 Adam I know it's wrong.

1:01:03🔗 Drew How do you say hole? Yeah.

1:01:05🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. That's what it is.

1:01:06🔗 Allana Ubach incorrect hole. Yeah.

1:01:08🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:08🔗 Adam He's just screwing around.

1:01:09🔗 Allana Ubach Sir, who are you dating?

1:01:12🔗 Caller She's just a spinner.

1:01:14🔗 Adam All right. All right, scott. God bless you for calling in. That was a little comedy bit. I think he was doing fine. That's good.

1:01:22🔗 Allana Ubach I know the girl he dates. She's crazy.

1:01:24🔗 Adam Really?

1:01:25🔗 Drew Oh, is that Puerto Rican? Spinner also?

1:01:27🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah, she's a spinner. Goes to the pleasure chest a lot. She's weird.

1:01:33🔗 Adam Anderson wants to know what a spinner is. That's a small gal who can, you know, whish on the wiener.

1:01:40🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:41🔗 Adam That's right. I said it.

1:01:44🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, man.

1:01:45🔗 Caller Bill?

1:01:46🔗 Adam Yeah. Show's filthy tonight.

1:01:48🔗 Allana Ubach It's gross.

1:01:49🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:01:49🔗 Caller It's disgusting.

1:01:51🔗 Adam Bill?

1:01:51🔗 Caller Yeah. I find myself turned on by cartoon nudity. Not just cartoons, but video games too. And I was wondering if that's in any way weird.

1:02:03🔗 Allana Ubach No, cartoon bodies are way better animated than any real body.

1:02:07🔗 Adam Yeah. It's nerdy, but it works.

1:02:10🔗 Allana Ubach Hello Kitty. Oh, that's some good piece of ass.

1:02:13🔗 Caller I think along the lines of Jessica Rabbit. Yeah. All right.

1:02:17🔗 Adam All right, Bill. God bless you for your non-question.

1:02:20🔗 Caller Hey.

1:02:20🔗 Allana Ubach I've always wanted to do Charlie Brown.

1:02:22🔗 Adam See you in Bogusville.

1:02:23🔗 Drew What is with our calls tonight?

1:02:24🔗 Allana Ubach I don't know.

1:02:25🔗 Drew We only have non-questions.

1:02:27🔗 Allana Ubach Charlie Brown is sexy.

1:02:27🔗 Drew Yeah, I know.

1:02:29🔗 Adam Charlie Brown is hot. I was talking to someone today about it was Peppermint Patty, like the first lesbian on television.

1:02:35🔗 Allana Ubach Hiya, Chuck. Yeah.

1:02:37🔗 Adam Was she like an intentional lesbian? And we're sort of trying to figure it out. Like when you sat down when Charles Schultz or whoever created Peppermint Patty actually sat down to create Peppermint Patty, was he thinking lesbian?

1:02:49🔗 Drew He was thinking tomboy kind of thing.

1:02:50🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah, but he was thinking like Jodie Foster.

1:02:52🔗 Adam Here's how you-

1:02:52🔗 Allana Ubach And all of a sudden it kind of evolved into-

1:02:54🔗 Adam I think he was thinking lesbian because it's voiced by a male.

1:02:58🔗 Drew Is it really?

1:02:58🔗 Adam Yeah, and when you're seeing dudes for the voice of your lady, that's a lesbian.

1:03:02🔗 Drew No, but the point is though, I don't think he sat down to do it. I think he became that.

1:03:07🔗 Adam All right, but the point is when the time came to start interviewing voices for Peppermint Patty- Did he cast it? Whoever cast it, yeah.

1:03:14🔗 Drew Whoever cast it set it up for him.

1:03:15🔗 Adam Sure he had a part in it. It's a dude playing Peppermint Patty. That's gotta be rough for the 65 year old guy who's now the voice of- he was 30 in 1969 when he was doing Peppermint. He's like, yeah, I'm Peppermint Patty.

1:03:30🔗 Allana Ubach She always had that girlfriend, Marcy, too, who was that four-eyed, kind of granola-eating, very intellectual, kind of silent type.

1:03:38🔗 Adam Yeah, she wore sandals and shorts.

1:03:42🔗 Drew Sandals.

1:03:43🔗 Adam Chuck, but she did dig Charlie Brown.

1:03:46🔗 Allana Ubach She did like him. I think she wanted to be him.

1:03:49🔗 Adam Yeah, maybe that was it.

1:03:50🔗 Allana Ubach Sometimes she wanted a big penis like Charlie Brown.

1:03:51🔗 Adam She wanted to steal his genitalia. Lockhead.

1:03:54🔗 Caller Hiya, Chuck.

1:03:57🔗 Caller Hand it over.

1:03:59🔗 Allana Ubach Hand it over the goods, Charlie Brown.

1:04:01🔗 Adam Yeah, give me your junk, Chuck.

1:04:04🔗 Caller Give me your junk, Chuck.

1:04:05🔗 Adam All right, let's keep on keeping on and talk to Kendra, who's 20. Kendra?

1:04:13🔗 Drew Hi.

1:04:14🔗 Adam What's happening?

1:04:16🔗 Caller My sister has some, she's displayed some addictive behavior in the past. My parents actually sent her to a youth home about nine months ago.

1:04:26🔗 Drew Okay. Kendra, that's not displaying addictive behavior. That's having full blown addiction, any treatment.

1:04:32🔗 Adam All right.

1:04:33🔗 Allana Ubach What was she addicted to?

1:04:34🔗 Caller She was addicted to drugs and she had some problems with alcohol.

1:04:37🔗 Caller I don't know if she was addicted to drugs.

1:04:39🔗 Drew Addicted to drugs, Adam, you got that?

1:04:42🔗 Adam She wasn't a chock-a-holy.

1:04:44🔗 Caller She was a telepopper. She used to pop like cold-tilted, like Sudafed.

1:04:48🔗 Drew All right. She's a full blown addict at a young age. So what is the question?

1:04:52🔗 Caller I was just wondering if I am at risk to become addicted to something. Because I remember you talking about the addiction ism gene.

1:05:01🔗 Drew It's about 50% per child that you can get that potential. So if your sister had it, you didn't get it probably.

1:05:08🔗 Caller Yeah, but why?

1:05:10🔗 Adam Because she would have shown itself by now?

1:05:11🔗 Drew Well, first of all, I can kind of tell when I'm talking to an addict. That's not kinder.

1:05:15🔗 Adam All right, but if you have, let me just make make sure this is right. If your parents, either one of them is an alcoholic or both of them are an alcoholic, it's still 50-50 per kid, right?

1:05:25🔗 Drew It's about 50-50 per kid. The only exception I've seen to that is Cherokee Indian. If you have as much as a quarter Cherokee Indian, it's 100%.

1:05:32🔗 Adam Oh, how can you say that to her?

1:05:33🔗 Caller Neither of my parents are alcoholics or addicted to drugs.

1:05:37🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, yeah, name way, it's okay. Hey, hey, hey, xenophobe, hey, yeah, what?

1:05:42🔗 Allana Ubach That's gambling.

1:05:42🔗 Adam Hey, pale face, fork tongue. Hey, hey, hey, meet the fork tonguers.

1:05:48🔗 Drew But Kendra, your parents, somebody must have the gene. What's the ethnicity of your parents?

1:05:53🔗 Caller Both my parents are white.

1:05:55🔗 Caller My dad does have some, I do believe it is Cherokee on his side of the family.

1:05:59🔗 Drew All right, well, there you go. So, so.

1:06:01🔗 Adam True, true.

1:06:02🔗 Caller You're magical.

1:06:03🔗 Adam He really is. Hey, so anyway, Kendra.

1:06:07🔗 Drew You may have to be careful, Kendra, just be cautious.

1:06:09🔗 Adam And so the thing is too, is American Indian aside, one parent or both parents doesn't make a difference.

1:06:16🔗 Drew No, it doesn't, interestingly.

1:06:17🔗 Adam So you figure, well, both parents are alcoholics, goes up to 75% or whatever, but it doesn't. The other thing is, is if you have three kids and two of them are full-blown addicts, it still really doesn't matter. You're still 50-50. Is that how it works?

1:06:30🔗 Drew That's right.

1:06:31🔗 Adam All right.

1:06:32🔗 Allana Ubach I have a question for you. What happens with, if you have an addictive personality, are you trying to basically self-medicate yourself because you have some other kind of chemical imbalance?

1:06:40🔗 Drew No. It's not an addictive personality. It's an addictive potential. It's a certain kind of brain chemistry. And we actually can create it in animals and we know exactly what it is. It has some unique properties to it in terms of how you respond to opiates and thrill-seeking behaviors and how your amygdala functions, these sorts of things. But fundamentally, there's nothing intrinsically, emotionally wrong, although a lot of kids that have the addicted gene are raised in addicted families and that's where the trauma sets in. All right.

1:07:08🔗 Adam You know what I was thinking about, Drew? Maybe on our next call, Chief Thunder Bear could come in here.

1:07:13🔗 Drew Oh my god. Can you imagine? Allana with Chief Thunder Bear?

1:07:15🔗 Adam Wouldn't be Allana, it would be Isabelle.

1:07:17🔗 Caller Isabelle and Chief Thunder Bear.

1:07:19🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:07:20🔗 Caller Where is the Chief Thunder Bear?

1:07:22🔗 Drew I think just Allana and Chief Thunder Bear would be interesting.

1:07:24🔗 Adam We gotta translate though. I'll translate.

1:07:26🔗 Drew It's North American Choctaw. You do it right now?

1:07:28🔗 Adam North American Choctaw.

1:07:30🔗 Drew It's twice the size of that.

1:07:31🔗 Adam It's right on. Let me just.

1:07:34🔗 Caller You got people with problems, man.

1:07:35🔗 Drew We'll bring him in at the end. Because he may stay for a while.

1:07:39🔗 Adam He's out playing Tetris.

1:07:40🔗 Drew He's still.

1:07:42🔗 Adam Still plays.

1:07:42🔗 Drew Every time GD come in here, he's got to play Tetris.

1:07:44🔗 Adam You're talking about the addictive personality.

1:07:46🔗 Drew Oh, that's right. Well, this Chief, we'll explain who Chief Thunder Bear is to a lot. It's the way she knows.

1:07:50🔗 Adam Well, he's American Indian gynecologist.

1:07:52🔗 Drew Choctaw only, speaking Choctaw only.

1:07:54🔗 Adam He only speaks a little Choctaw. He only speaks a little. Hi, how are you? He's a little bits and pieces.

1:07:58🔗 Drew He's been studying English and it gets annoying because these little English breaks in here.

1:08:02🔗 Adam But Drew will translate when he speaks Choctaw, which is 80% of the time.

1:08:06🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, that is harsh.

1:08:07🔗 Adam Yeah. Then we'll have, is it Isabel or Isabella?

1:08:13🔗 Caller See, you have to lubricate the dog lips for me, if you want to.

1:08:17🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah, it's Isabel.

1:08:18🔗 Adam Isabel, which is Allana's character from the new movie, Meet the Focush coming out in a couple of weeks. So all that after this.

1:08:28🔗 Caller Loveline, will be right back.

1:08:41🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LLV-E-191. Allana Ubach is here tonight. Allana's in Meet the Fockers, which is coming out on the 22nd of December, and she just pulls off the air funnier than the first one.

1:09:00🔗 Allana Ubach Oh yeah, definitely, definitely.

1:09:02🔗 Adam Allana plays the accented, hefty, 50-something-year-old maid, Isabel.

1:09:09🔗 Allana Ubach Yes.

1:09:10🔗 Adam In the movie. I thought it'd be nice to pair her character up with Chief Thunder Bear, who's down the hall, playing Tetris.

1:09:18🔗 Drew I'm ready. He's an American Indian, kind of like a Chalktoe.

1:09:21🔗 Adam Drew, you'll translate. I'm gonna get him.

1:09:23🔗 Allana Ubach Okay, Chief Thunder Bear is who now?

1:09:26🔗 Adam I'm gonna go get him.

1:09:26🔗 Drew Okay, great. Wait, he's a gynecologist.

1:09:28🔗 Adam Oh, wonderful. gynecologist. He's an American Indian. He doesn't speak various, just little bits and pieces of English, mostly Chalktoe, but thank God Drew's a college man and studied.

1:09:37🔗 Drew Chalktoe.

1:09:38🔗 Adam Oh, right on.

1:10:10🔗 Caller Oh, here he is.

1:10:11🔗 Adam Hi, Chief.

1:10:12🔗 Caller Hello. Yes.

1:10:14🔗 Adam Hey, hey, oh, now.

1:10:16🔗 Drew Yes, she's a hot girl, yes, and her name is Isabel.

1:10:18🔗 Adam Hot piece of ass.

1:10:20🔗 Caller Hey, hey, hey, no.

1:10:21🔗 Allana Ubach Well, let me tell you something.

1:10:22🔗 Caller Doctor, I have a problem.

1:10:24🔗 Drew Oh, and she's speaking directly to you, Chief.

1:10:26🔗 Adam Yeah, he.

1:10:27🔗 Caller My chocha is so angry.

1:10:29🔗 Caller It is.

1:10:30🔗 Caller It is pissed off. See, it's furious and it needs to talk.

1:10:34🔗 Adam Dumps stream water on chocha.

1:10:36🔗 Caller Cool off.

1:10:37🔗 Caller Absolutamente. See, I have a question for you. How come they have those mean cold duck lips that they shove inside you all of a sudden?

1:10:45🔗 Drew What's that?

1:10:46🔗 Caller You have to warm up the duck lips.

1:10:48🔗 Adam Yeah, hey, hey, hey, check it.

1:10:50🔗 Drew Settle down, Isabel. Settle down. Relax.

1:10:52🔗 Caller You have to warm them up.

1:10:53🔗 Drew Isabel, relax, relax. Isabel. I won't, I won't, I won't tell you the worst things to describe you, but he's getting a little angry. I'm gonna have to translate from Isabel to the chief also. I know, she's a little high strung.

1:11:09🔗 Adam Show squat back of hand.

1:11:10🔗 Drew Okay, and she's talking about the speculum he used to do your gynecologic exam. Do they actually use a speculum in that?

1:11:16🔗 Adam I use dream catcher speculum.

1:11:18🔗 Drew Yeah, so it's in his, in his, Yeah.

1:11:21🔗 Caller Oh, so this is dream catcher?

1:11:22🔗 Drew It's a dream catcher he uses when he does his exam, and it feels just like a feather. What's up, Jim? Yahe.

1:12:27🔗 Caller Yahe. I have a question tonight. I was wondering, I like having anal sex, and my girlfriend's kinda hesitant to let me try it, and I was trying to call him to.

1:12:38🔗 Drew Hang on, slow down. The chief doesn't speak English that fluently. He's gotta sort of digest what you're saying. He likes anal sex, girlfriend, and no lie. I expect, as chief points out, all the women to cooperate with that, because there are many that do not like it, even though the chief is very impressed.

1:13:23🔗 Caller Actually what? I'm trying to call, I'm asking Dr. Drew if there's any health risk or anything that I can...

1:13:30🔗 Drew Hang on, slow down. Okay, hold on a second, Jim. The chief is very upset. Chopped liver?

1:13:36🔗 Caller He's saying, what if he's chopped liver?

1:13:39🔗 Drew Okay, Jim, relax. Chief, relax. Jim, he's very insulted. You know, he was a gynecologist. Not only was he a gynecologist, but he's spiritually, he's a shaman. He can provide you spiritual guidance. In, make sure I get this translation right, chief. Hmm, spiritual cornhole guidance. Is that what you said?

1:13:55🔗 Adam We call it the maze.

1:13:56🔗 Drew Maze, okay. All right. Jim, yes, it's not the healthiest thing you can be doing. The chief says that...

1:14:02🔗 Allana Ubach Is she small?

1:14:04🔗 Drew Oh, Isabel's back. She's in this conversation.

1:14:07🔗 Caller Is she small? Is she little?

1:14:10🔗 Caller She's a petite girl, yes.

1:14:11🔗 Caller She's a petite girl. Oh, you better watch out.

1:14:13🔗 Drew Isabel, Isabel.

1:14:14🔗 Caller You get that, Peters, and you keep it in your past.

1:14:15🔗 Drew Okay, so Isabel, this would not be something you would be eating.

1:14:17🔗 Caller I thought that man didn't know he could break her, like a church house.

1:14:19🔗 Drew You can hurt, you can rip. You could hurt her like a cord of wood. Like wood splitting, you can also cause all kinds of anal pathology. It's not a good thing. Hemorrhoids and tears and fissures. It's not a healthy thing, Jim. And some women like it. It's fine. But some call it maize.

1:14:33🔗 Adam The corn hole is meant for the buffalo, not the rabbit.

1:14:36🔗 Caller I don't like the little fishies.

1:14:38🔗 Adam No, not, well.

1:14:39🔗 Drew No, there you go. No, she doesn't. This bill does not like it. Does Allana like it?

1:14:44🔗 Allana Ubach Do I like anal sex?

1:14:45🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:14:45🔗 Allana Ubach You know?

1:14:46🔗 Caller Oh, jeez, hold the phone.

1:14:49🔗 Allana Ubach You know what, actually, honestly, I'll be, you know.

1:14:51🔗 Adam Let me slip in under long cloth.

1:14:52🔗 Allana Ubach I'm an artistic type, you know. Hey, hey, I'm totally game. But honestly, I really love, I love oral sex. I do like oral sex.

1:15:00🔗 Drew Okay, slow down, Chief.

1:15:03🔗 Adam Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

1:15:06🔗 Drew Okay, he says, it's a bit of a task for you, Chief. He's referring to abalone, is that what you said?

1:15:13🔗 Adam Hey, Barry, face.

1:15:15🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, yes, I heard this, I heard you talk about that.

1:15:17🔗 Adam No, we go back door, use deer fat for lubricant.

1:15:26🔗 Drew Oh, Chief, you're in rare form tonight.

1:15:28🔗 Caller I must say. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

1:15:33🔗 Drew I'm just doing your job.

1:15:33🔗 Adam I understand. Hey, I tell you, I'm a tetris.

1:15:38🔗 Drew Isbell, Allana, you had enough for the Chief? Is that the last question?

1:15:41🔗 Allana Ubach I have one more question. I have a hair problem, and I just like to know, as far as, how does a man really like a woman to be shaving down there? Does he like to shave completely?

1:15:53🔗 Drew Slow down, slow down, slow down. The Chief only speaks English a little bit.

1:15:56🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, shave, cha cha.

1:15:59🔗 Adam He got an arrow head. He likes to shave hair.

1:16:04🔗 Drew And he has a dream catcher, feels like a feather. We explained that to Isabel earlier.

1:16:08🔗 Adam Speculum dream catcher.

1:16:09🔗 Drew Speculum dream catcher. Feather duster, he called it. His feather duster. Please, please, one last prayer for the broom here. Well, Isabel, this one's for you.

1:16:21🔗 Caller Nice.

1:16:22🔗 Drew Oh, it's the movie. Did you like that bear skin he wears in his head? What is up with it? There he goes. She's chanting. He went down the hall, saying more prayers for your film. He's gonna go see that film.

1:17:01🔗 Allana Ubach I know he better.

1:17:02🔗 Drew He's gonna be the guy in the giant bear head.

1:17:04🔗 Allana Ubach Oh my God. He'll be feeding the hip-hop boy, right?

1:17:06🔗 Drew Hey, Adam, rare for him tonight. Rare for him. I had the Tetris go.

1:17:09🔗 Adam That was good.

1:17:10🔗 Drew Excellent.

1:17:10🔗 Allana Ubach Awesome. Did you win anything?

1:17:12🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:17:13🔗 Drew I think he liked Allana. I think I think Elizabeth, too.

1:17:15🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:17:16🔗 Drew Yeah, I think he was. He talked about, you're sort of crossing boundaries, as they say.

1:17:20🔗 Adam Well, I think he's a passionate man. I mean, any man who gets to that position in life is obviously a man who has some testosterone pumping through him.

1:17:30🔗 Drew Sometimes you're sociopathic. Just sociopath. Just go where you can get.

1:17:34🔗 Adam Oh, really? Yeah. But didn't you have some theory about power producing testosterone?

1:17:38🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:17:39🔗 Adam Yeah. Tribal chief.

1:17:41🔗 Drew Oh, yes. But sometimes it goes in all kinds of directions.

1:17:44🔗 Adam Well, he's playing Tetris now.

1:17:45🔗 Drew Yeah, that's good.

1:17:46🔗 Adam Let's hold on. Oh, who are we talking to?

1:17:50🔗 Drew Okay.

1:17:50🔗 Adam We'll talk to Sarah. You're 15?

1:17:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:17:56🔗 Adam What's happening?

1:17:57🔗 Caller Well, I left my virginity at 13, and ever since then, I-

1:18:02🔗 Drew Slow down. How old was the guy that did that with you?

1:18:05🔗 Caller 17.

1:18:06🔗 Drew Yeah. That is not losing your virginity. That's being sexually abused. So you were abused at 13.

1:18:12🔗 Adam Yeah. 17 and 13 is huge.

1:18:14🔗 Drew That's huge. It's ridiculous.

1:18:15🔗 Caller And ever since then, I've probably only not had sex altogether about a month. And I think that-

1:18:23🔗 Drew So you got in a rampage since that rape. So here's the deal-

1:18:28🔗 Adam Oh, well, wait a minute. Would it seem like rape to you, or was it gonna be-

1:18:32🔗 Caller Like, it was rape, you know, obviously, by a lot, but to me, it didn't seem like it.

1:18:36🔗 Drew No. Here's the deal. You were sexually abused sometimes before this. That's why you thought that was an okay thing to do. What happened?

1:18:42🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, when I was about nine, my brother's friend, he was like 13 or 14. I can remember him, like, touching me down there, but I was also touching him down there, too.

1:18:53🔗 Drew Look, again, Sarah, just because a child responds with curiosity doesn't mean the child hasn't directed sexual behavior. It's, you know, kids distort it into, oh, I was just as into it, or I was responsible. No, no, your child.

1:19:08🔗 Adam Yeah, but also there may have been something else growing, too.

1:19:12🔗 Drew Boy, there's a lot of chaos in the home.

1:19:14🔗 Adam Yeah, it doesn't have to be, you know, wholesale sexual abuse, but-

1:19:17🔗 Drew But when they go that direction, there's often a lot of chaos in the home.

1:19:20🔗 Adam Yeah, where's your dad?

1:19:22🔗 Caller I actually only live with him now. My stepmom and him are getting divorced.

1:19:26🔗 Drew Where's your mom?

1:19:27🔗 Adam Ooh, yeah, worse.

1:19:28🔗 Caller She lives in California. She hasn't been in my life since I was three.

1:19:32🔗 Drew Do you don't think that's a little weird?

1:19:34🔗 Caller Well, I know it's a little weird, but I think my parents have tried to control me a lot. So I think that why I have sex a lot is a control factor for me.

1:19:44🔗 Drew No. Why did your mom leave when you were three?

1:19:47🔗 Caller She just left. She decided that she wasn't a good mom and she was just going to leave.

1:19:51🔗 Drew Yeah. Okay. Well, that means she is profoundly disturbed. So what is her problem?

1:19:57🔗 Caller I think when I was two or three, I remember walking in or something and my dad hitting her or abusing her somehow.

1:20:05🔗 Adam There you go.

1:20:06🔗 Drew All right. Now we got sort of the picture of a mom who's being physically abused, who abandons you, who is incapable of being a mother. This is really heavy stuff.

1:20:14🔗 Adam By the way, you try to explain to most right-thinking women that they're going to never see their three-year-old ever again.

1:20:21🔗 Drew They'll kill you.

1:20:22🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:20:23🔗 Drew They'll kill you.

1:20:24🔗 Adam My mom wouldn't have done that.

1:20:24🔗 Drew But your mom would yell, freak out.

1:20:26🔗 Adam She'll actually yell, freak out.

1:20:27🔗 Allana Ubach Walnut hat.

1:20:29🔗 Adam Throw a raisin. And then somebody will go hang out with a raisin so I can take a beating out of the porch from the neighbor kids. But yeah, this is a woman who is either a drug addict or profoundly disturbed or both.

1:20:42🔗 Caller She is definitely a drug addict because-

1:20:44🔗 Drew All right. Well, there you go. All right, Sarah. Come on.

1:20:46🔗 Adam This is all, this is the source of all your problems. And now you're just acting out.

1:20:50🔗 Drew And you're probably an addict too, Sarah. The sort of addict behavior you're starting to manifest now.

1:20:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:20:56🔗 Caller It's not like I haven't been about seeing my mom.

1:20:58🔗 Caller I've seen her like every year about...

1:20:59🔗 Drew No, Sarah. Are you doing drugs also now?

1:21:02🔗 Caller Well, I'm drinking a lot.

1:21:03🔗 Drew Yeah. Okay. 15, drinking a lot, having sex a lot. So you've, the cycle repeats itself. You're turning into your mom.

1:21:10🔗 Adam Yeah. You'll be pregnant a year and a half and then you'll abandon your kid. And it'll be a kuna matata, they call it. So...

1:21:19🔗 Caller Is there a way that I can get home?

1:21:21🔗 Adam Kuna matata.

1:21:22🔗 Drew There is treat for that.

1:21:23🔗 Adam By the way, there's a lawsuit he's got going with Disney over that.

1:21:26🔗 Drew Oh, that was his saying?

1:21:27🔗 Adam He used to say it all the time.

1:21:29🔗 Allana Ubach I thought it meant no worries.

1:21:30🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, it was his. He claimed it was hanging loose. And he claimed...

1:21:33🔗 Drew In the cycle of life.

1:21:34🔗 Adam He got drunk. He went down to Anaheim. Next thing you know, it's in a movie. And he's PO'd. But he says that's about all he can say about it.

1:21:41🔗 Drew He hangs out at downtown Disney a lot.

1:21:43🔗 Adam He does.

1:21:43🔗 Caller He's...

1:21:45🔗 Adam Free drinks. So they actually think he's part of Tom Sawyer's Island.

1:21:49🔗 Drew I was thinking that.

1:21:50🔗 Adam I saw him there. And he's really... He's always confused because he's wearing buckskins and a headdress. And they're like, what, are you on break? And he's like, what? Yeah, hey.

1:21:57🔗 Drew Yeah. This guy's really his character.

1:21:59🔗 Adam He's got his horse, handicap horse placard on there. Pinto horse parked out there.

1:22:05🔗 Drew All right.

1:22:05🔗 Adam Hey, Sarah. So here's the thing. I have a crystal ball. I've seen it. It looks like hell. Your future looks like hell. Can you slow it down? Can you reel it in?

1:22:15🔗 Drew No, no, no. This is true.

1:22:15🔗 Adam You're going to spin out. You need help.

1:22:17🔗 Drew You need help.

1:22:18🔗 Adam You got to get yourself some help.

1:22:19🔗 Drew You need somebody. Your parents are trying to control your behavior as I'm trying to help you. You need to be able to contain these impulses. They are destructive.

1:22:27🔗 Caller Yeah. I don't know how to, though.

1:22:29🔗 Drew I understand that. And that's fine. And that's what treatment would help you with. Let me...

1:22:33🔗 Allana Ubach Where can she get treatment?

1:22:35🔗 Drew Ventura. There's a lot of treatment centers down in here. And getting adolescent treatment is difficult.

1:22:41🔗 Adam Maybe she should start with a Allanine or something like that. She's a full-blown amateur, so... She doesn't know where to start.

1:22:49🔗 Drew You can certainly start with an Alline locally. Ventura has various health care facilities. You can get a referral to something in your area. Start with AA. I don't know the name of any adolescent mental health services in the area, but there has to be... Every community has got some.

1:23:04🔗 Adam Well, start with the Alline and let them direct you. And here's the thing that's interesting, which is that the parents... See, it's interesting to me that a woman, because she's 15 and she's probably attractive, you don't have to be attractive. You really just have to have a vagina. And then there's always a slew of guys around, 17, 18 year old loser guys, that are willing to pay attention to you, have sex with you, buy a few things, whatever. So it's an easy out and easy distraction. It's sort of what drugs become to guys oftentimes, which is it makes me feel better temporarily. Now as a woman who grows up in an abusive environment with abandoning mom and stuff, how are you going to tell her at 14 when next thing you know she's 13, all of a sudden she's got a C cup going, and there's guys honking at her when she crosses the street. How are you going to tell her? Ignore that, ignore that. In all the attention you ever got at home, yeah, these guys want to pay to you, ignore it.

1:24:03🔗 Drew It doesn't mean anything, it doesn't mean anything.

1:24:04🔗 Adam Keep studying, keep studying. I don't think you could do that, and now I'm wondering with guys, you see guys you don't have that outlet. Now here's an interesting thing. Guys oftentimes come from that environment.

1:24:16🔗 Drew Start fighting.

1:24:17🔗 Adam They just start fighting. They become aggressive, but sometimes they end up being football stars and athletes and that kind of stuff. I'm wondering, and then the women just get venereal disease and get pregnant and get screwed up.

1:24:29🔗 Drew That's something for the women that has a similar kind of outlet.

1:24:31🔗 Adam From a societal standpoint, the women, the guys oftentimes end up being captain of industry types. They become maniacal, they push, they do these eight type personalities.

1:24:44🔗 Drew But the women become Marilyn Monroe. There is an outlet for them.

1:24:49🔗 Adam Once in a while, but the vast majority of them are just pregnant at 16 and have to drop out of high school. Guys, even though guys end up being drug addicts and being a-holes too, once in a while, and more often than the women side, I think, it ends up fueling them and they end up getting this desire, whatever. They become horrible people, but they're successful people. I'm wondering, you know what I'm saying, Drew?

1:25:10🔗 Drew I hear you.

1:25:11🔗 Adam And if they had that sexual outlet, let's put it this way. Imagine if the world was gay. Oh, close your eyes and picture that. Utopia. For a second, the world is gay. So there's a young 14, 15 year old male who got abused, who got whatever. And now everyone's looking at him. So everyone like, hey, what do you want? Yeah. But, but, but everybody, not a small percentage of closeted, whatever, the entire world. Could you resist that at 15? And someone's telling you, hey, Drew, we're going to need you to study. And then you got to go to soccer practice. Are you kidding? I'm pulling the train over here. This is awesome. This is great. I mean, if you reversed it and just said women were like men, me at 14 or 15, all these hot 17 year old chicks, give me attention, want to hang out, that's it. Forget about sports. We're screwing. How do you convey that to a young lady who comes from Sarah's environment?

1:26:10🔗 Drew Or more importantly, what other options can we give them? That's the bigger question.

1:26:14🔗 Adam Ovaltine, that's what I think.

1:26:18🔗 Drew That's Isabel's answer.

1:26:19🔗 Adam We got to take ourselves a little break. We will be right back. What's the name of the new movie you're in?

1:26:29🔗 Caller Meet the F-

1:26:30🔗 Caller That's right.

1:26:31🔗 Adam Yeah, after this.

1:26:34🔗 Caller Call Love 100, Love 191.

1:27:43🔗 Adam You're already going to need enough therapy without the partner screwing the names up. So I was head upstairs, like, all right, I know Jordan, Douglas, and Paulina. Paulina's a chick. That's easy. Jordan and Douglas, they got some similarities, but they're easy because Jordan looks like a Jordan and Douglas looks like a Douglas.

1:28:00🔗 Drew Where's that?

1:28:00🔗 Adam And they really do. It's easy to, and by the way, I get angry at people that don't look like their name because you can never remember the people's names. You never remember the people that don't look. Drew had the good sense to name the Douglas, Douglas and he looks like a Douglas.

1:28:15🔗 Drew Mind you, we did not really met the kids when we got the names.

1:28:17🔗 Adam I don't know how it works. I don't know if they're signed. I don't know any of that stuff. But the point is, the Jordan looks like a Jordan and the Douglas looks like a Douglas. Although if you don't see them for eight months, they grow four inches and put on 10 pounds. And one of them has a goatee, he's 11 now, they all once got what I would call an aggressive piercing, penile.

1:28:40🔗 Drew This one is a Prince Albert impression.

1:28:42🔗 Adam The point is, I was walking up the stairs, I was walking up the pathway last night before I knocked on the door and I thought, all right, let's not screw the kid's names up. And the door swung open and there was Drew's wife and there was a child on the top of the stairs and he was blonde and he was sort of skinny and he was probably about 11 years old. And I looked at him and I just thought, well, it ain't Jordan. Hey Douglas, how you doing? And it's like, nope, that was a friend of theirs, just standing.

1:29:08🔗 Drew And four boys lined up.

1:29:10🔗 Adam I don't know why he had to stay in my sight line that way. I don't know what the kid was, what kind of thing is that? The kid should be in the room playing. I did like the math, which is, he was the closest looking.

1:29:24🔗 Drew Then it got confusing. They were like, oh, they're like coming out of the woods.

1:29:27🔗 Adam Then there were two other sort of toe-headed kids that all sort of could have mixed and matched, but the point is, I didn't factor in the decoy kid. I thought I had my choice between your kids and there were 100% more blonde boys there for me to choose from.

1:29:44🔗 Drew Sorry about that.

1:29:45🔗 Adam That's all right. We went to Bill Cowell before you. Humiliating.

1:29:48🔗 Drew They were fine.

1:29:49🔗 Adam All right, they're good.

1:29:49🔗 Drew The kids never speak to you again.

1:29:51🔗 Adam Melissa? Problems.

1:29:52🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:29:53🔗 Adam You're 16?

1:29:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:29:55🔗 Adam What's up?

1:29:56🔗 Caller All right. Every time me and my boyfriend have intercourse, like after, let's say like within a minute, it starts hurting right there.

1:30:05🔗 Adam What happens after a minute?

1:30:08🔗 Caller Like beneath my ribs and above my pelvic bone, it hurts right there.

1:30:14🔗 Drew Now, beneath your ribs and above your pelvic bone, are different places, huh? Yeah. Are they both in the back or in the front?

1:30:22🔗 Caller It's in the front.

1:30:23🔗 Drew In the front, beneath. So by the pubic bone.

1:30:26🔗 Adam Well, above where your navel is.

1:30:28🔗 Allana Ubach The pelvic bone or the pubic?

1:30:30🔗 Drew Yeah, she's having sex, but she's having sex up here and down here.

1:30:34🔗 Adam Well, where's your pubic bone and where's your pelvis bone? Your pelvis is back, your hips, and the pubic's up front.

1:30:40🔗 Drew Yeah. Well, listen, Melissa, that area is a sort of visceral pain. It means you're having some, he's hitting against the uterus, and that can be just enough to cause that kind of pain, but sometimes it can be tube infections or infections in the uterus, or ovarian cysts or endometriosis, and all these things can cause pain too if there's pressure.

1:30:57🔗 Adam What's going on? How old is this guy? I don't trust him.

1:31:00🔗 Caller He's my age.

1:31:01🔗 Caller 16.

1:31:03🔗 Drew You guys using a condom?

1:31:04🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:31:05🔗 Caller And like, when we use a condom, I don't know if that's causing it.

1:31:09🔗 Drew Have you ever had any infections?

1:31:11🔗 Caller No, he's a virgin. Well, he was a virgin.

1:31:15🔗 Drew All right, so you're sexually active. It's time to get pelvic exams, okay? You got to have that to make sure there's nothing going on down there, but it probably is just sort of normal pressure from.

1:31:24🔗 Allana Ubach Yeah, when I was your age, I would go to Planned Parenthood and get checked out. And it was just basically, it was a sex thing.

1:31:29🔗 Caller You're small though, because you have a very short torso.

1:31:32🔗 Allana Ubach So and my boyfriend is kind of well-endowed. It hurts every once in a while, I hear.

1:31:36🔗 Adam Nice. That's what you want.

1:31:39🔗 Drew What's the short torso?

1:31:40🔗 Adam Well, what you don't want is the opposite.

1:31:43🔗 Allana Ubach A long torso with a little cocktail ear.

1:31:44🔗 Adam She's kind of a big gal and I'm pretty small down there.

1:31:46🔗 Caller Oh, that's the worst.

1:31:48🔗 Adam Yeah, that's bad times. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because it's really.

1:31:52🔗 Drew No, I don't.

1:31:53🔗 Adam Half of a feeling, like let's say, half of having a big bicep is the size of your bicep and the other half is how tight the shirt is. Right. You know what I mean?

1:32:02🔗 Allana Ubach Absolutely.

1:32:03🔗 Adam You could take Lou Ferrigno and put him in a baggy enough shirt and it just wouldn't look like there was this much there. So you put on the tight shirt and he flexes and you hear the cracking of the threads, you know? So your small shirt is a good place, tight shirt is a good place to start.

1:32:17🔗 Drew So you're saying a lot is a tight shirt?

1:32:19🔗 Adam She's a tight shirt, yeah.

1:32:21🔗 Caller I can't believe how dirty the show can be. I love it.

1:32:24🔗 Adam You know, I was thinking about it. I was talking to some guys today and I was thinking about, I don't know, we're talking about the performer, the Vegas performer, Danny Gans. And I thought every time I see a picture of him on a billboard when I'm coming from the airport, he's wearing a super tight black short-sleeve velvet shirt and I thought, I put this out to the room, I said, is there anybody you like who wears tight shirts? Is there a guy you know who wears super tight shirts, but he's still a really cool guy and you hang out a lot? He's your buddy, he's your bro, but he wears super tight shirts and I thought, no, I don't know any guy who wears tight shirts.

1:32:57🔗 Drew I remember one of the lacoste shirts were a big deal. People wore tighter shirts then. Yeah. That was 15 years ago. Yeah, not anymore.

1:33:03🔗 Adam Not now. Do you know a guy who wears a tight shirt? How about a velvet black V-neck tight shirt? We're going to take ourselves a little break. Allana Ubach is here from what movie, Alana?

1:33:15🔗 Caller Meet the F-

1:33:17🔗 Adam We'll be right back after this.

1:33:20🔗 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

1:33:22🔗 Drew You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:33:25🔗 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:33:26🔗 Drew Call the Dateline.

1:33:27🔗 Caller 877-889-DATE.

1:33:30🔗 Caller Call the Dateline.

1:33:45🔗 Adam Well, that's the show. I want to thank Allana Ubach.

1:33:48🔗 Allana Ubach Thank you, man. Thanks a lot. See you meet the Fokkers.

1:33:52🔗 Adam I will.

1:33:52🔗 Caller I'll see you there.

1:33:53🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm going to see you there. Mazel Tov is half of Drew's side says, and all the success of the new movie is going to be the biggest movie of the year. You got what sounds like a scene-stealing role.

1:34:07🔗 Allana Ubach Oh, it's fun. It's Isabelle. I look nothing like the character. She's 40.

1:34:10🔗 Caller She's a hot Latina maid.

1:34:13🔗 Allana Ubach And it's fun.

1:34:14🔗 Adam I will be anticipating seeing this movie.

1:34:17🔗 Allana Ubach Happy birthday, Michael.

1:34:19🔗 Adam Yeah. So until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:34:29🔗 Caller This has been Loveline.

1:34:33🔗 Caller The opinions expressed in this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station.

1:34:41🔗 Adam The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:34:43🔗 Caller Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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