Thursday, December 2, 2004

1:27🔗 Adam That's my thing, but now I'm really in a bad mood.

1:29🔗 Drew I know, cause bad coffee. It's not that bad. I gotta tell you, it's not that bad.

1:32🔗 Adam It's not that bad. I looked at it, and I said, this is bad coffee.

1:35🔗 Drew It looks bad.

1:36🔗 Adam And then I took a sip of it, and I said, all right, what's up? What's going on?

1:40🔗 Drew You're exquisitely sensitive.

1:41🔗 Adam I really am.

1:42🔗 Drew You're like some sort of, some sort of a...

1:44🔗 Adam I'm like a Persian cat. No, Persian. I feel like turning circles before I lay down. I turn my nose up. I need my fancy feast served in a goblet.

1:53🔗 Drew Yes, and even then, you sort of wait for it to recede before you proceed.

1:57🔗 Adam Yeah, I wait for the owner. I wait for you to go away before I eat it. I don't want you to have the satisfaction of thinking I'm enjoying it.

2:02🔗 Drew The king is about to consume his repast.

2:06🔗 Adam My tail up so you can see my anus all the time. Might say my dog's got one of those tails that rolls up.

2:13🔗 Drew I noticed that.

2:14🔗 Adam And the other day I saw it's ass just do like a...

2:18🔗 Drew The pucker.

2:19🔗 Adam It opened up, closed again.

2:21🔗 Drew Talk to you.

2:24🔗 Adam If you'd put in like a sound effect that said like, feed me, it would have worked, you know? And then I found myself looking at it. It felt kind of weird. It was like intrusive and then it felt gay. And then it felt dirty. And then the whole myriad of feelings.

2:40🔗 Drew That part of all mammals has a mind of its own.

2:43🔗 Adam The anus.

2:44🔗 Drew Yes, as you found out when you had the carbuncle there, you know, that in any little movement, it's winking and shh, you know, talking and speaking.

2:51🔗 Adam Does it, does it, I was assuming the dog was breaking wind, but then, no, I know, it was just doing its own thing.

3:00🔗 Drew Took a deep breath, probably.

3:03🔗 Adam There you go, it's hooked up to something else.

3:05🔗 Drew Yeah, oh yeah.

3:06🔗 Adam It's weird, you know, I didn't have much choice in my dog, but my new criteria for dogs, I don't want to see any anus.

3:14🔗 Drew Cats too.

3:14🔗 Adam Yeah, cats too. It's nothing worse than that tail flying up in the air. I mean, if you really think about it.

3:19🔗 Drew Well, the dog with the anus thing, though, at least you know it's, you know when you gotta clean it.

3:22🔗 Adam But what is the part of any mammal that you want to see the least?

3:29🔗 Drew That it's showing it, yeah.

3:30🔗 Adam Answer, anus. What's the only part of my dog I see besides eyeballs? Anus. My dog is all eyes in anus. It's actually, I'm gonna get a protractor out.

3:41🔗 Drew That's a great name for a new store.

3:43🔗 Adam All eyeballs in anus. What do you need today? Can I introduce you to an anus or an eyeball? Oh, both. Fantastic.

3:48🔗 Drew All eyes in anus, it could be like eyewear and underwear store or something.

3:52🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, I'm saying, maybe a butt plug and sunglasses.

3:56🔗 Drew Right, and Victoria's Secret's catalog. The eyes in a.

3:59🔗 Adam My dog, if I got like a protractor out and I actually measured the circumference of the anus, I would be more anus than eyeball.

4:10🔗 Drew In the dog?

4:11🔗 Adam Yeah, in the dog.

4:11🔗 Drew Total eyeball, two eyeballs?

4:13🔗 Adam No, bigger than a single eyeball. Bigger than a single. I don't know. Actually, I'm going to get on it when I get home.

4:19🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm sure.

4:19🔗 Adam Hold still, baby.

4:21🔗 Drew Please. It just scares me. You might do that.

4:23🔗 Adam It's in the name of science.

4:24🔗 Drew Yeah.

4:25🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. Where are we doing, Drew? Circumference and diameter. Circumference is around. Diameter is across the around. Correct. Yeah, this would be, well, it would be both. All right. All right. I'm going to measure it out. I'm just for good measure, I'm going to do the water displacement test on the anus and the eyeball too, just to get a finer point on it.

4:44🔗 Drew I know you're going to do that. I don't quite know the anus.

4:46🔗 Adam Don't worry about it. I'm a man of science in my own way. Jill?

4:51🔗 Yes.

4:52🔗 Adam You're 19?

4:53🔗 Caller What's up? Speaking of anuses. Anyway, my boyfriend wanted to have anal sex with me, so I did and I really, really didn't like it. But now every time we're starting to have sex, he asked me to do it again. It's like in the middle and I want to please him. He knows I don't like it, but he keeps persisting and persisting.

5:23🔗 Drew Help me understand what it is with women that they are so intent upon doing things on behalf of their partner, they find miserable and they do it in the name of it being so how arousing for them or that this is what sex is. It's blah, blah, blah.

5:38🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, I think women, especially 19 are looking to be willing partners or sort of like sexual sidekicks. Like their job is to prop up the king, their handmaids.

5:51🔗 Drew No, your job Jill is to enjoy sex as much your boyfriend does. That's your job. And if it means doing something you don't like for a couple of minutes, that's fine. But something that you despise or that is painful, forget it. Believe me, your boyfriend wouldn't do it.

6:04🔗 Adam But hold on a second. At 19, here's what a guy doesn't really want to do. He doesn't want to spend a lot of time with his girlfriend. He doesn't want to cuddle. He doesn't want to walk hand in hand.

6:15🔗 Drew But he is so driven that he's willing to do anything. He will spend that time.

6:19🔗 Adam Outside of the bedroom, he will put his time in.

6:21🔗 Drew Right.

6:22🔗 Adam So we can get his licks in.

6:23🔗 Drew Right.

6:23🔗 Adam Or the pun inside of the bedroom. What's wrong with the woman putting up with a little grief inside the bedroom to get the miles logged holding hands.

6:32🔗 Drew So to speak.

6:34🔗 Adam Going to the events and the weddings and that kind of outside of the bedroom.

6:39🔗 Drew As a sort of an abstract principle, that makes sense. You're comparing cuddling and handholding to corn holding.

6:45🔗 Adam That's right.

6:46🔗 Drew That is not an equivalent, if you will, dose of bad times.

6:52🔗 Adam All right, but here's what I would argue. 30 seconds of corn holding averages, I mean, it balances out to be 30 hours of cuddling. You know what I'm saying? And there's a lot more of that than there is that. I think it works out.

7:07🔗 Drew But, one more thing. That the cuddling is not a super gratifying experience, but it's not especially a miserable experience for the guy. While Jill is saying, this hurts.

7:20🔗 Adam Well, that's why the 30 seconds vs. 30 hours. I was laughing to myself driving today, Drew, when I was thinking about the Nebraska Cornhuskers and how... I didn't tell you. We have Michelle, engineer, Michelle, big college football fan. I was saying, go Longhorns. No, right? No, no, wait a minute.

7:43🔗 Texas sooner.

7:44🔗 Adam Sooner, sooner, sooner. Okay, but you don't like Nebraska.

7:48🔗 Correct.

7:48🔗 Adam Right. And I was thinking, wouldn't it be great to have a real, a blooper real of Nebraska events, going back to like the 1930s or 40s...

7:57🔗 Drew Johnny Carson himself.

7:58🔗 Adam Where people just... Right, that's where you would go to Nebraska. People just flubbing and saying cornholers instead of cornhuskers. And just from the 50s with the thin tie and the hair comb back and those horn rim glasses at some alumni banquet or some... Thank you, Bob Jenkins, a wonderful... First, I want to say go cornholers, hoskers, hoskers. It's just a long reel of guys screwing up, guys with bullhorns down on the field.

8:23🔗 Drew We're very excited. Queen Elizabeth has chosen to join us here today to honor our wonderful football dynasty.

8:29🔗 Adam I would like to make all members of the fine United Kingdom honorary members of the Nebraska cornholers, hoskers.

8:37🔗 Drew Your Highness, Your Highness, hoskers.

8:39🔗 Adam Yeah, just a long throughout history since, because you know, the school was around for 10 minutes, like the tiles weren't yet set in the entry hall before someone F that one up and one with the cornholers. And then, by the way, if you think, don't say cornholer, it's going to come flying out at some point when you're out there.

8:56🔗 Drew Of course. Or is that just you and me?

8:58🔗 Adam Maybe, maybe.

8:59🔗 Caller I think they're shirts made up like that from rival schools.

9:03🔗 Adam Well, that I'm sure of. But I just want to hear Keith Jackson go, Oh, how do you do? Look at that cornhole, a Huskar. How's the whole, a Huskar? You know what I mean? There's got to be, there's got to be true work on that blooper reel.

9:17🔗 Caller All right. All right.

9:18🔗 Adam Let's see. Jill.

9:21🔗 Caller Yes.

9:21🔗 Drew So you get what we're talking about here. This is so unnecessary for you to put yourself through this.

9:26🔗 Caller OK.

9:27🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

9:28🔗 Drew Very simple.

9:29🔗 Adam Go cornhole. Go big brown.

9:35🔗 All right. Thank you.

9:36🔗 Adam Well, if you don't like it, don't do it. Tell them. Tell them.

9:39🔗 Drew It's not just not liking it. She is a genuinely painful, potentially. I mean, the body responds with pain for a reason. It's telling you not to do the thing you're trying to do.

9:49🔗 Adam But look, here's the other thing, too. You know, girls, what you need to do is instead of do that thing where you're playing coy and you're like, I don't know, say, look, you gotta shut that down. If you keep pushing on me, I'm going to get resentful. And I don't want to get resentful, but if you keep pushing, I'm going to get resentful. If I get resentful, the whole store closes.

10:10🔗 Drew Right now, in fact, the store is shut.

10:12🔗 Adam You just want to go to the sporting goods section of my department store. Soon, the whole department store will be closed and then you get nothing.

10:18🔗 Drew That's right. In fact, right now, there's a fire drill. We're emptying the building.

10:23🔗 Adam That's right. Go out to the lawn, stand by the flag pole and think about it. Remember when we were in Nebraska?

10:28🔗 Drew I was just thinking, was that Nebraska? No, no, that was not Nebraska.

10:31🔗 Adam Drew and I were on the road and there was a fire drill.

10:34🔗 Drew At a hotel.

10:34🔗 Adam Well, not a fire drill. Someone pulled the fire alarm at, well, what was it? Three, four?

10:39🔗 It was a good 4 a.m. Wasn't two because we had to bed about two or whatever.

10:44🔗 Adam About 4 a.m., alarm went off. Everyone headed out into the freezing cold in their underpants and bathroom. Except for me. And here's the thing, I did the math on it. How are we? I'll tell you how I did the math. I did the math in that there was like a prom going on at the hotel. It was a bunch of drunken school aged kids running around. And I knew somebody pulled the fire alarm at 4.30 in the morning. And I was looking through my window at Drew out on the lawn, by the way, laughing to myself. And here's what I figured. I was only on the second or third floor. I figured, look, if push comes to shove, I'm going to throw this television through this window and I will escape. I will get dinged up. See, I did this thing where it wasn't life versus freezing out on the lawn with half a boner. It was breaking a rib and doing it. And that was a risk I was willing to take.

11:33🔗 Drew Yeah, smart.

11:33🔗 All right.

11:35🔗 Adam Let me give everyone a quick piece of philosophy as it pertains to this thing. Assess the risk. Everyone does that thing where it's like, I'll give you an example. I never get to the airport early. I always get the airport late. And everyone says, come on, why chance it? You get the airport, you know, if the flight leaves at 10 o'clock, leave at 7.30 or 8. Make sure you're there a good solid hour and a half early. Why risk it? Well, let me say it this way. If you fly quite a bit, we fly quite a bit, you end up taking 10, 15, 20 flights a year, maybe, maybe, maybe more. At 20 flights a year, you get there an hour, hour and 15 early. That's a day. That's one day added up.

12:16🔗 Drew But it's actually two days of waking time. Oh, really? It's really two days.

12:21🔗 Adam Oh, it's like when you pay taxes and you got to be one of those a-holes where you go, yeah, the car cost me 40 grand. Well, it cost you 80 grand because you had to, to, to, yeah. All right, but anyway, two waking days.

12:33🔗 Drew Yeah.

12:33🔗 Adam Okay. The point is this, even better, even finer point. So here's the deal. So you show up late. And if you show up late, like I do, you get to the airport the last second, you miss one out of every 20 flights. But then what happens? Now, I know Drew's a guy that likes to get there early, but think about it. Think about it just for a second.

12:50🔗 Drew You know what?

12:50🔗 Adam Think about all the times and you have missed flights.

12:52🔗 Drew Yes.

12:53🔗 Adam One of them is when I missed the flight and you had to get off the plane. But think that's when that listener didn't pick me up.

12:58🔗 Drew Remember that?

12:59🔗 Adam Okay. Here's the point.

13:01🔗 Drew What the hell's the matter with us?

13:04🔗 Adam Okay. Let me tell you. Let me tell you what the point is. Let me tell you. Hold on, Michelle, you haven't heard this story. Let me tell you something, Drew. The point is, is you miss a flight and I've missed eight in my life. Is it ever catastrophic?

13:16🔗 Drew That one time when I was at Oregon State standing in a room of 5,000 kids in a basketball stadium and you told me just, hey, you'll be fine. You missed your flight.

13:24🔗 Adam They didn't miss my flight.

13:25🔗 Caller They shut down all the flights.

13:26🔗 Adam And the reason I'm yelling at you is because this controversy.

13:29🔗 Drew If you had been there earlier, we could have redirected you up some other way.

13:32🔗 Adam Raging on. I was there in time for my flight.

13:34🔗 Drew All right. Whatever. I'm being facetious. It was fine. It was fine. I'm just being argumentative.

13:38🔗 Adam I'm trying to get on three other flights.

13:39🔗 Drew I'm being argumentative. It was fine.

13:42🔗 Adam Please. It's very sore subject for me.

13:44🔗 Drew Clearly. I will not bring it up again.

13:47🔗 Adam Well, how would you like it if you showed up to catch your flight? They told you the flight was canceled. You showed up. You tried to catch another flight. They told you that flight was canceled. And then everyone you spoke to gave you that condescending like, well, look, if you didn't want to do it, you should have just said something. Didn't want to do it. I'm at the airport. They canceled the flight. Thank you.

14:06🔗 Drew Listen.

14:07🔗 Adam How dare you?

14:08🔗 Drew Would you go back up to Oregon State? That's where we were supposed to be.

14:10🔗 Adam I didn't go there in the first place.

14:11🔗 Drew That's what I'm saying. We need to go back there. It was a good experience. We need to make that...

14:17🔗 Adam That's not what I'm talking about.

14:18🔗 Drew Close that chapter. Close the chapter.

14:20🔗 Adam Believe me, that's you showing up when me and you were supposed to show up is nothing short of rape for those students.

14:26🔗 Drew Corvallis.

14:27🔗 Adam Talk about just...

14:28🔗 Drew Invite us back.

14:29🔗 Adam Just wholesale rape. You get Dr. Drew and you think you're getting the Ace Man? Please. I know. What was I saying? Okay, here's my point. You miss a flight. What happens when you miss a flight? And I didn't miss that flight. They shut the airport down. I'm fogged in at Corvallis or whatever. But you miss a flight. What happens? You get on another flight. Average time? About 45 to 50 minutes later. That's average. All right. There you go. One day versus an hour in the next flight. I know everyone thinks of this sort of doomsday scenario, but the reality is I've missed a bunch of flights. You get on the next flight.

15:02🔗 Drew In a little way, though, you're thinking like the millionaire you are.

15:04🔗 Adam That's literally...

15:05🔗 Drew Those are first class seats.

15:07🔗 Adam That's the only way I fly.

15:08🔗 Drew You miss your coach seat. It's down the toilet.

15:10🔗 Adam Nobody flies coach. Everyone flies first class. Please.

15:13🔗 Drew Oh my God. Oh my God.

15:16🔗 Adam Well, okay. I factor in the first class ticket.

15:18🔗 Drew That's right.

15:19🔗 Adam But secondly, no, it's not all first class. That Southwest crap to a Vegas. Oh, that's not first class.

15:25🔗 Drew That's you wait 15 minutes for the next plane.

15:27🔗 Adam Well, there you go.

15:28🔗 Drew Way it in, everybody. I'm with you on that.

15:30🔗 Adam You're with me on everything. Okay. Now, what was I saying? Yeah, okay. Here's what happened, everybody. We were going to do the Florida state. No, the University of Florida. And Drew, let's see. We were going to be gone for like four days. Because we're doing Florida and we're doing another college or two. Okay. And I didn't see why Drew and I had to drive separately at five in the morning. There was like a 705 flight or something at LAX. Why we both had to drive separately, leave our cars separately and pay separately and take the separate bus and all that kind of stuff. So I told Drew to pick me up on his way in at 5.15 in the morning. This is 11.30 the night before we're doing the radio show. He says, no, he doesn't have time because he has to go to hospital and make the rounds at like 4.30. But if I want, I can go home with him and sleep on a sofa and then wait in the car while he makes the rounds at 4.30 in the morning.

16:31🔗 Drew That's right.

16:32🔗 Adam Well, you remember what my response to that was, Drew? Just say no for you.

16:38🔗 Drew Kiss my ass.

16:39🔗 Adam No, I said, are you going to leave the windows cracked in the car so I can get some air? How dare you, by the way, waiting in the car. So I refused to drive myself. I said, you must pick me up. He said, he'll not. I said, I'm not driving myself to the airport. And then I insisted a listener come pick me up and drive me to the airport. I think it would be an honor for one of the listeners to drive me to the airport.

17:01🔗 Drew One lady called and it made it seem like it was an honor.

17:03🔗 Adam Well, I said, here's what I needed. I needed a female.

17:08🔗 Drew Mistake one.

17:09🔗 Adam Yeah, I needed a female. I needed her to have a safe, newish automobile that could hold a week's worth of luggage. And I need her to be prompt because you have to be at my house at like 5.30 to pick me up and take me to the airport. And we talked to a girl, she called in. We narrowed it down to three or four girls. You know what's weird about this whole story?

17:29🔗 Drew Oh my God. Wasn't there, weren't you gonna, remember there was a story about you farting on somebody and that whole thing too?

17:35🔗 Adam What?

17:36🔗 Drew Wasn't there some...

17:38🔗 Adam Okay, it sounds sort of familiar, but I don't know what it is. All right, here's a point. The point is, is everyone thinks this story is bizarre. To me, it always sounded very, very, yeah, it didn't sound bizarre at all. Reasonable. I can get some listener to take me to the airport. So some chick called in and she said that, you know, she gets up, she has to be at work at six every morning. She gets up really early anyway. She lived sort of down the street and it just was all worked out. It was going to be perfect. And then I started thinking, maybe I shouldn't give her my exact address. You know, man, that might be a little bit weird. So what I did is I live up in the hills, this is my old house, and there's those hill, those stairs, the stairs that the maniacs hike up for exercise. They're a bitch. And let me tell you, the only time they're worse is during the winter, about 5.15 in the morning when it's just, it couldn't get any colder.

18:25🔗 Drew And you're carrying two huge suitcase.

18:26🔗 Adam And you're carrying two huge suitcase, and it's wet, it's like it was misting, oh, not quite raining, freezing. And I told her, meet me at the bottom of the street, meet me down on Beachwood Canyon. So I took the stairs down there, about 5.15, 5.20 in the morning, and I just stood there. It's dark, there's nobody around, I just stood there, and then couldn't find her. And then I started thinking, well, maybe she stopped at the corner, but I had so much luggage, that I thought, okay, I'm gonna leave my luggage in front of the stairs, I'm gonna run down the sidewalk and turn the corner, see if I see a car around the corner. And I thought, someone's gonna see my luggage sitting out there, like 5.30 in the morning, like the street sweeper or something, I didn't know what to do. I just left the luggage, I ran. But now it's like, now it's six. It's like 6.10 now. Drew's going, how many people showed up at the Florida event, by the way?

19:15🔗 Drew That was 8,000.

19:16🔗 Adam 8,000 people in this basketball arena. So now, at a certain point, I crossed this threshold, it's like 6.13, and I realized this C is not coming to pick me up. And I'm standing out there like an idiot. Still, never have found that woman. Hopefully, she's in the ground.

19:34🔗 Drew She may resurface one of these days.

19:35🔗 Adam No, I mean in the ground.

19:36🔗 Drew I know what you mean.

19:38🔗 Adam So now, I got my suitcase. Now, like a maniac, I'm running up 450 stairs.

19:43🔗 Drew With the luggage.

19:43🔗 Adam With the luggage, and they like overcoat the beanie. But doing that thing where you sweat profusely, it's freezing outside, you're wearing six layers, and you're drenched inside. Underpants? Gone. A mess.

19:56🔗 Drew Paper mache.

19:57🔗 Adam Could have ringed them out. Yeah, get to the car, like, ah, ah, ah, ah, throw the junk in the car, and I'm like, speed. Because here's the thing, we gotta leave at 7, oh, whatever, to get to Florida to take a huge crowd. Yeah, a huge crowd there, but to take like a three hour car ride.

20:12🔗 Drew No, no, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. But we were at, we would, leaving at 7 got us there at 4, and gave us less time to go to the hotel, change our clothes, and go to this event at like 7.

20:20🔗 Adam Right, and the hotel, the airport is not next to the campus. And so on and so forth. There's a little travel after we get there.

20:26🔗 Drew We had an extra three hour little buffer here.

20:29🔗 Adam Not really three hours.

20:30🔗 Drew It was two and a half or something, but it was some narrow period of time, just enough to go to the hotel, change our clothes, and get going.

20:35🔗 Adam Drew, you really know how to take the wind out of a story. Well, we were cutting it close, we had about three hours. Well, but I think of it as only the length of going with the wind.

20:44🔗 Drew I remember thinking we were supposed to land at 4.30, and the event was like at 7.

20:48🔗 Adam Yeah, and the point is we weren't landing on the campus.

20:51🔗 Drew No, we were not landing on the campus, yeah, it took some time.

20:52🔗 Adam Thank you. Jesus Christ. Do you have to undermine?

20:56🔗 Drew No, I don't mean to.

20:56🔗 Adam Oh, well then quiet.

20:57🔗 Drew It's a good story.

20:58🔗 Adam The point is, it was, the point is-

21:00🔗 Drew I love your stories.

21:01🔗 Adam Okay, here we go. Now I'm getting my car, I'm driving like a man possessed, and do that thing where I pull into the parking thing and throw the keys at the guy, and I'm just running like OJ, through the airport, dragging the stuff.

21:13🔗 Drew I'm on the plane.

21:14🔗 Adam Drew is on the plane. I come running into the terminal. There's the plane. It's parked. I see the plane. Drew is on the plane. I'm-

21:22🔗 Drew No, no, I'm by that point standing there.

21:24🔗 Adam Oh no, Drew got off the plane, yes. Although he left his- It's like a $2,000 camel hair duster on there that his old lady just bought him a week earlier. He's on the plane. Drew is freaking out. Drew is yelling at me. I'm yelling at Drew. It's awesome. And it's like, all right, let's get back. Let's get on this plane. Nope. No can do. No can do. Why not? Why not? They close the door.

21:48🔗 Drew This was pre 9-11 too. This was when that kind of thing was like, what? They go, oh yeah, Delta has a firm policy. 10 minutes before takeoff time, before we pull back. 10 minutes.

21:57🔗 Adam Plane's sitting there. I'm holding the ticket. Here we go.

22:00🔗 Drew We're waving at the captain. The captain's staring at us.

22:03🔗 Adam The time that we spent, by the way, arguing about it, could have gotten on and off the plane nine times and taken a leak and went to the Cinnabon.

22:10🔗 Drew If you remember, even after we finally capitulated, the plane sat there an extra 10 minutes or something.

22:15🔗 Adam It was what you do when you F with people. I was like, please, just let us on the plane. No, knock it. The door's closed. By the way, the door's closed. What, and welded shut? What happens when you land in Florida? They get the heli-arc out, they get a settling torch, they cut the thing open.

22:31🔗 Drew How about the next plane that comes to that jetway?

22:33🔗 Caller Yeah, what do they do with the door?

22:33🔗 Drew Did they explode, dynamite the door open?

22:35🔗 Caller Oh, no, no, no, they don't.

22:36🔗 Adam They use, Darrell Gates has a converted Humvee with a battering ram on it. The one he uses to get in the crack house.

22:43🔗 Caller How about you turn the, my front door is closed too, I turned the knob.

22:47🔗 Adam Jesus Christ. And then I start going nuts.

22:49🔗 Drew Yes, you went nuts. You went berserk.

22:51🔗 Adam And then when I start going nuts, I went into some sort of fugue state where I started yelling, get me the guy from the commercial. I kept yelling. Remember that one? Where's the guy from the commercial? I kept saying, huh? Wait a minute, the guy, the helpful guy, what guy? The guy, let me see, I've seen the commercial. The guy drops his plans and then picks it up and he runs all the way across the airport chasing after this guy because he dropped the, go get him.

23:17🔗 Caller I need help.

23:19🔗 Adam By the way, compared to the guy in the commercial, this is nothing.

23:22🔗 Drew Finally, finally, the guy.

23:24🔗 Caller What guy in the commercial?

23:25🔗 Drew The guy finally gave up and got somebody from the corporate office. Remember, some woman shows up and it's sued.

23:30🔗 Adam Right, right.

23:31🔗 Drew What can I do for him, Mr. Corolla?

23:32🔗 Adam Get me the guy in the commercial.

23:35🔗 Caller Was it like the out of towners and you were getting names of everybody?

23:38🔗 Drew No, no. That was far more civilized than what Adam was doing. Adam was going insane.

23:43🔗 Adam Well, you got to realize my odyssey started at 5.15 that morning and, you know, I go to bed at 2.30. So it was like I was out of my mind at that point.

23:52🔗 Drew It was more about what's wrong with the door. There's the captain. There's the plane. Here we are. What do you mean? Policy. It's my policy. I get on the plane. That's my policy. Right, right.

24:01🔗 Adam That's it. By the way, I recommend people do that one because people go, Our policy is we don't give change on gifts or to. Oh, really? That's funny because my policy is I always get change. Well, there we go. Mexican standoff. Policy against policy. For your policy.

24:15🔗 Caller My policy is I get on the goddamn flight.

24:18🔗 Adam That's my policy.

24:20🔗 Drew This is what was going on right there.

24:23🔗 Adam And then every 30 seconds, I would say, the plane is still here.

24:26🔗 Caller We're still arguing. It's still there.

24:29🔗 Drew Maybe like, well, the purple rope is up. You see the purple rope there. That means we can't. That's my policy.

24:34🔗 Adam But we did get on.

24:35🔗 Drew We got on flight like an hour and a half later or something.

24:37🔗 Adam Yeah, maybe not even that long. But if you and I argued for three hours.

24:41🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. They took it out on me. Then I became the outgunned. That's what I'm talking about.

24:45🔗 Adam Well, we could have avoided the whole thing.

24:47🔗 Drew But listen, then we hauled ass to the event, changed in the gymnasium we were in. Remember, we had to get our stuff out there and just boom, went right in.

24:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

24:55🔗 Caller And no word from the listener.

24:57🔗 Drew Oh, no. All these years. That must have been a good six years ago.

24:59🔗 Adam Never put a bounty out on her ass when we got banned.

25:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

25:02🔗 Adam Nothing. And you know the thing that's funny? By far the biggest gig ever we've ever done.

25:08🔗 Drew Right. I mean, there was, you know, it was the largest pop, the guys' group of kids.

25:11🔗 Adam Two, three thousand people normally. This was eight, maybe eighty five hundred people.

25:15🔗 Drew Huge, a basketball stadium.

25:16🔗 Adam Yeah. All right. Let's take a little break.

25:18🔗 Drew Let's do that.

25:19🔗 Adam A little walk down memory lane.

25:20🔗 Drew Yeah, that's fine.

25:21🔗 Adam All right. We'll be right back after this.

25:23🔗 Drew Hello.

25:24🔗 This is your radio.

25:46🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-V-E-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, did you miss me? But I forgot to do that top of the show. All right, where are we going here, Drew? We're gonna talk to Whitney.

25:56🔗 Drew I want to hear about this, an interesting question.

25:59🔗 Adam Why was it so easy to orgasm during sex with ex-boyfriend, but not current one?

26:05🔗 Drew That is something we've never been able to really dismantle.

26:09🔗 Adam It is, talk about a punch in the gut. I know, I know. As she told the new guy.

26:15🔗 Drew I know, that's why we got to examine this.

26:16🔗 Adam Whitney?

26:17🔗 Caller Hi.

26:18🔗 Adam Have you told this to the new guy?

26:21🔗 Caller No.

26:23🔗 Drew What do you think it is?

26:25🔗 Caller I don't know. I kind of think it's psychologically, because I know girls have to be in the right state of mind.

26:31🔗 Drew And so what was so psychologically different about that other relationship?

26:35🔗 Caller The other relationship I was in for about two years, but he really treated me like crap.

26:40🔗 I think most of it was just sexual.

26:43🔗 Drew Yeah, but help us, because we're men we can't understand what you're talking about.

26:46🔗 Adam She needed the bad boy. This guy is a good guy.

26:49🔗 Drew But why does that make her orgasm?

26:51🔗 Adam It doesn't stir women's juices, because I think women think, when young women, when they're having sex like earlier than 20, sometimes I think they feel like it's naughty. And that's an element of it.

27:02🔗 Drew So they have to be a bad guy to unleash it?

27:04🔗 Adam Yeah, and so if you're doing something naughty with like a guy wearing a bow tie, it makes you feel the naughtiness.

27:11🔗 Drew You feel like a naughty person because this is some guy that's not naughty.

27:14🔗 Adam Yeah, it feels it's contrasting or something.

27:18🔗 Drew I don't know.

27:19🔗 Caller I just think I cared more about myself in the first place, the first relationship and this now, I'm sorry, the relationship now, I just really care about making him feel good.

27:30🔗 Drew Well, that's not good.

27:31🔗 Adam You cared about?

27:33🔗 Drew See, this is what we gotta understand. You gotta stop. Adam, turn off your male mind for a second. Try to figure this one out. Because you want to make this guy happy, yet you're not as aroused.

27:45🔗 Caller I am. I don't know.

27:47🔗 Drew What if it would make this guy happy for you to have an orgasm?

27:51🔗 Caller Yeah, it definitely would. He always tried to go the extra mile to make me feel good, but I just don't wanna tell him that I did an orgasm because I thought you had a great start.

27:59🔗 Drew See, she can't even answer the question.

28:00🔗 Adam Well, she's kind of stupid. Hey Whitney, you faked the orgasm?

28:07🔗 Yeah.

28:08🔗 Adam God bless you, baby. We're gonna send you out a windbreaker.

28:11🔗 Drew This is horrible.

28:12🔗 Adam We should send out a windbreaker. I faked an orgasm and all I got is this goddamn windbreaker. There should be a club, too.

28:18🔗 Drew Let's make a T-shirt.

28:19🔗 Adam There should be a faked orgasm club, you know, where you're like, I got 500, but ooh, 2500 club. Wow, sweetie, you don't look that old. I started in junior high with my uncle. Wow. Fantastic. 2500, sweetie. All right. Let's get back to her. Yes. Whitney?

28:38🔗 Drew Yeah.

28:39🔗 Adam Okay. So here's what I'm trying to understand. The first guy was a little bit of a bad boy.

28:45🔗 Drew And he had- Was he older?

28:47🔗 Caller Yeah. Both of my boyfriends that I've really been serious with have been older. I mean, the first one was three years older and this one's almost three years older.

28:55🔗 Drew Which is, how many years was the first one?

28:57🔗 Adam Three.

28:57🔗 Drew Three years.

28:57🔗 Adam All right, now quiet down, Drew. So, Whitney, the first guy was a bad boy and you had orgasms with him. Why? But you didn't feel obliged to satisfy him like you do with this other guy. Right.

29:12🔗 Drew Ironically, she's by doing that what she did, she was more satisfying to him than she could possibly be to this current guy. You know what I'm saying?

29:20🔗 Adam I do.

29:20🔗 Drew This is the craziness of men and women right here.

29:23🔗 Adam Why do you feel this way toward this second guy? The second guy is a good guy? He's a nice guy?

29:29🔗 Caller Yeah. I've never been happier. I just, I don't know what it is. I really, I think I'm more self-conscious and stuff. I just don't want to mess anything up. So I don't focus enough on myself. I don't know.

29:41🔗 Drew Well, you may be messing things up by not doing that.

29:44🔗 Adam I still don't understand why you focus on yourself with the bad guy.

29:47🔗 Drew And you can't with the good guy who wants you to focus on yourself.

29:51🔗 Adam Yeah. And that's, this is unique to Whitney, by the way. This isn't like a societal male vs. female. It's not a gender issue. No, it is not. Whitney, what's wrong with you? I don't understand. I mean, bad boys are always more exciting than the nice guys, especially at 17.

30:10🔗 Caller I'm always attracted to the bad guy. That's the problem. All right.

30:13🔗 Adam That's it. All right. Hold on. The part where she's focusing on herself or not focusing on herself, it's neither here nor there. That's a smokescreen. The first guy's a bad boy. The second guy's not.

30:23🔗 Drew She's into it.

30:23🔗 Adam They love being with the good guys every place but the bedroom.

30:27🔗 Right.

30:28🔗 Adam Okay. So she's just not into it. So Whitney, here's the deal. If you had a couple of kids and a couple ex-husbands and you were 31, and you were living in an apartment, I would tell you buckle down and hang on to this guy with both hands. He's got a job. He loves you. He's going to take care of the kids. 17, if he ain't flipping your burger, forget it.

30:51🔗 Caller I don't know why I'm so attracted to him. He does make me feel real good.

30:54🔗 Adam Yeah, you're really, really attracted to him.

30:56🔗 Drew Then you're going to have to sort of expose yourself, that part of you that feels bad and dirty, you're going to have to expose him to that.

31:03🔗 Adam What, what, how can you really be attracted to him and say that you like bad boys and he's not a bad boy?

31:10🔗 Caller He is to some point. He just, he's a lot like me and he treats me a lot better. I don't know. He's not like a real good Mormon kid.

31:17🔗 I don't know anything like that.

31:19🔗 I don't know.

31:20🔗 Caller I think maybe, I don't know, just the way we have sex, is it the size of his penis? I don't know.

31:27🔗 Drew Wow, he'll love that too. That'll make him feel much better.

31:30🔗 Adam Yeah.

31:31🔗 Drew Well, Michelle, you're going to help us on this one? She's looking, she's thinking very deeply about it. Can you help?

31:36🔗 Adam You have any insight, engineers, Michelle?

31:39🔗 Caller I think she's too young.

31:40🔗 Adam Period.

31:40🔗 Drew She's too flat out confused.

31:42🔗 Adam Can't work herself out. Can't work herself out.

31:44🔗 Drew All right, there you go.

31:44🔗 Adam Yeah, it's 17, by the way. Women, I mean, it's weird. I'm trying to think where they are sexually. I mean, here's an interesting thing. You know, a 10-year-old dog is an old dog. 10-year-old person is a young person.

32:03🔗 Caller Right.

32:05🔗 Adam Things age in different speeds, okay? At 17, you've been physically a woman for two, three years these days. Sexually, it's like the equivalent, like what are you, like here's what I'm saying. Sexual years for a woman,.65,.7.

32:25🔗 Drew When you're two years old, you're not doing integral calculus. And she's two years into her adult sexual life.

32:31🔗 Adam Right.

32:31🔗 Drew You know what I mean, she's about as developed intellectually at two as she is sexually at 17.

32:36🔗 Adam But what I'm saying is, is let's try to figure out a number. Because here's what I'm saying. And I don't even know if you can go past it, but as a guy, your sexual number is like 1.6 of what your years are. If you're a 15 year old guy, it's like 19, sexually. And a 19 year old chick is like, is like.15.

32:58🔗 Drew Yeah.

32:59🔗 Adam You know what I mean?

33:00🔗 Drew Yeah.

33:01🔗 Adam I mean, often times.

33:01🔗 Drew Yes, yes.

33:03🔗 Adam So that's the problem. If you weren't really just break it down, a 15 year old guy feels sexually about 19 and a 15 year old chick feels 12. And that's when you run into problems. And that's why I didn't get laid in high school.

33:16🔗 Drew That's why.

33:17🔗 Adam And they didn't have roofies back then. Right.

33:19🔗 Drew And you've been using those so successfully since.

33:22🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

33:22🔗 Drew That, you know.

33:24🔗 Adam No. I'm going to have my own wine cooler, roofie flavor.

33:27🔗 Drew Nice.

33:28🔗 Adam Yeah.

33:29🔗 Drew You have a roofie-flavored wine cooler?

33:30🔗 Adam Yeah.

33:31🔗 Drew Or wine cooler-flavored roofie, or both?

33:33🔗 Adam A roofie-flavored, wine cooler-flavored roofie. Yeah. Yeah. No, roofie-flavored wine. Yeah. Yeah, maybe both. You're right. Why limit myself?

33:41🔗 Drew Exactly.

33:41🔗 Adam I gotta get the Bartles and James guys on the phone. They're a little tight. The guy wears the coveralls. He's a little tight, but I think I can talk him into it.

33:48🔗 Drew Bartles, Roe Hipnol.

33:50🔗 Adam Come on, buddy. Let's go.

33:52🔗 Caller What? Spanish Fly. Whoa.

33:54🔗 Adam You're living back in the 50s, brother. No, no. It's about roofies.

34:00🔗 Caller Ah, yeah.

34:01🔗 Adam No, like carbonation. No, no, no. Twist-off. You'll never get the second one open if it's... Yeah? Let me say this about bottles. Oh. Can we just go ahead and set a standard with the twist-off versus the non-twist-off on the beer bottles? Yeah. They keep you gassing every time.

34:20🔗 Drew Right. So you can pick your hand up.

34:21🔗 Adam Yeah. What it is is you... What happens is you drink three Miller Lights and then, oh, now you're gonna grab a Heineken and it's, ah! And then the search begins. The twist-off ones seem to work pretty well.

34:33🔗 Drew Yeah.

34:33🔗 Adam They're no problems there. No one's lost an eye. Nothing's going skunky.

34:37🔗 Drew Why don't everything go that way?

34:38🔗 Adam They've been around for 25 years. How about we just go ahead? How about we get the snobs over at the foreign breweries just to go ahead and jump on the twist-off bandwagon? Wouldn't it be all right?

34:49🔗 Drew Yes, Adam, it would.

34:49🔗 Adam Is there anything worse than looking around for the opener and doing that whole thing?

34:53🔗 Drew There's one thing. It's when you ripped your hand off before you start looking for it.

34:56🔗 Adam Yeah. There's always that one guy who can open them with a cigarette lighter or his tooth or the countertop or his keys or something that makes it look so easy.

35:04🔗 Drew Teeth.

35:04🔗 Adam It's a cool guy. Coolest thing I ever saw was the fridge, the 400-pound ex-Chicago bear. He had a hand like a catcher's mitt.

35:16🔗 Drew Yeah.

35:16🔗 Adam I mean, just the fridge is a 400-pound man, and that's not because he's fat, it's just because that's his size. It's huge. He loves fishing. Me and Jimmy went fishing with the fridge.

35:27🔗 Drew Did you go ice fishing?

35:28🔗 Adam No, we just went regular fishing. Back at home, he had a pig in the ground, by the way. He was getting ready to eat when he got home. He had a Super Bowl ring. His fingers are the size of bananas and the Super Bowl ring, and each became like a bottle opener. We were drinking a lot of beer on the boat. We didn't have the twist-off, Ryan. I just keep panning a beer, and he'd just take the one big mitt and pop it.

35:51🔗 Drew With the ring.

35:51🔗 Adam Somehow, the ring, yeah, we'd use the ring. Obviously, he's a guy who polished off several hundred thousand cases this way. I don't know if he wouldn't have won the Super Bowl. I want to know how he'd get the beer open, but just huge mitt, just pop it. Yeah. Wild. Yeah, no, that's a talent.

36:07🔗 Caller You have to have a bottle opener on your keychain like I do.

36:11🔗 Adam Yeah, it's a class mode.

36:12🔗 Caller And not drink domestic beer. That's a no-no.

36:15🔗 Adam Yeah, I'm hip, but what are you going to do every once in a while, someone hands you a miller? All right. What are we doing, Drew? We taking a break?

36:22🔗 Drew No, Riley first.

36:22🔗 Adam Talking to Riley? All right. Riley?

36:26🔗 Yeah?

36:26🔗 Adam You're 20?

36:28🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

36:29🔗 Drew You're calling from Minneapolis?

36:31🔗 Caller Yes.

36:33🔗 Drew We've been off there for a while. We're back on. It's good.

36:34🔗 Adam We have?

36:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

36:36🔗 Adam All right. What's up there, Riley?

36:40🔗 Caller It's a complicated question. I've been with my boyfriend for six years. I'm 20 years old, so it's been a while. Over the past two or three years, I've become super crazy psycho girlfriend, and I accused him of cheating on me, and sneaking around, and hiding things, and lying, and secret phone calls, and all this stuff. For the most part, I know that it's made up in my head. I know that.

37:05🔗 Drew Okay, hold on, hold on. Are you doing speed?

37:08🔗 Caller No, no.

37:09🔗 Drew You're not doing diet pills or anything like that?

37:11🔗 Caller No.

37:12🔗 Drew Are you paranoid about other things? No. Have you been manic, or are you bipolar, or anything like that?

37:18🔗 Caller Not diagnosed, but we do have depression in our family.

37:21🔗 Adam Anybody cheat on anyone in your family?

37:24🔗 Caller No.

37:25🔗 Caller Aha!

37:26🔗 Adam Are you, you say no?

37:27🔗 Drew She may be sabotaged, or she may be driving these guys away. She can't tolerate the relationships. I know, but this isn't the-

37:33🔗 Adam What does one know? Did she say no?

37:35🔗 Drew She said no.

37:37🔗 Caller Aha!

37:39🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, then why don't you knock it off?

37:43🔗 Drew No, no, this is somebody trying to destroy a relationship.

37:46🔗 Adam Oh, she's sabotaging? Six years is enough. For Christ's sake, especially 16 to 20. That is a lifetime.

37:53🔗 Drew Yeah. 14 to 20.

37:55🔗 Adam Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, it's been six years. Oh, my God, that's three lifetimes. What's up, baby? That's it. No, it's not. Yeah. What are you guys doing? Are you going to get married?

38:07🔗 Caller Well, the whole thing is he's had enough of it. And so, he's like over the past three weeks, he's just been like, I've had enough. I've been promising him for two years that I'm going to quit this. And he's been sticking by me. And finally, he's just had enough. And he's like, I probably can't do this anymore. And I'm trying to find a way because for two years, I've been rationally saying to myself, I know exactly why I do the things I do, I know it's the daddy issues and the mommy and whatever. But like, I still in that moment, I cannot stop myself from like picking at it and from saying, well, who was that on the phone or where are you going or why didn't you answer that question? But I can't stop myself.

38:43🔗 Drew Man, the rational animal. Well, there are medications to help with that kind of thing.

38:48🔗 Adam Medication, why don't you take a lozenge?

38:51🔗 Drew Me? Yeah. It's just ridiculous.

38:53🔗 Adam It sounds like someone emptied a ashtray in your mouth.

38:56🔗 Drew I know.

38:56🔗 Adam Come on, buddy.

38:57🔗 Drew It took like three hours of television tonight, too, and I was talking like this.

39:00🔗 Adam Yeah, really? Freaking annoying. Oh, grating. Riley.

39:06🔗 Drew What was that?

39:07🔗 Adam I don't know what that was. Riley.

39:09🔗 Drew Yeah.

39:10🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. You know what you're doing.

39:12🔗 Caller Yeah.

39:13🔗 Adam You're trying to contain yourself. Let me just speak from experience for a second. Here's how life works. Some people go through life, they never really question themselves. They never know what they're doing. They never take a look. Others do, but there's that horribly uncomfortable out of control period that goes on for years sometimes. When you know what you do, you just can't stop doing it. It's almost as if you're trying to set a land speed record and the parachute never opened. Right. Now, you're not accelerating anymore, but you're going so fast and so hard in one direction that just the fact that you have to coast to a stop is going to take several miles. And that's what goes on sometimes in the 20s, and sometimes you don't coast to a stop until you're in your later 20s.

39:57🔗 Drew That is true. Also, there are medications to help with the coast, as is these perseverative circuits of the brain that just keep repeating themselves. And or there are therapy, obviously, for this. She has some insight, but there's something missing in her interpersonal experience. And that's what therapy would work out.

40:13🔗 Adam You know what the land speed record is, Drew?

40:17🔗 Drew 650 miles an hour?

40:18🔗 Adam No, it's like 770 or something like that. Fast, fat, yeah. Mach 1, speed of sound. Crazy on the ground, right?

40:28🔗 Drew Yeah, how does it not fly?

40:29🔗 Adam You're on the ground. Yeah. Well, they have stuff in place, so it doesn't do it. You know who has the record? The Brits.

40:36🔗 Drew Yeah.

40:36🔗 Adam Brits. Bloody Brits.

40:38🔗 Drew I didn't know that.

40:39🔗 Adam They have a weird culture over there.

40:40🔗 Drew The way they did it in Utah.

40:43🔗 Adam It should be ours. We should never let them leave with the golden hubcap or whatever it is they take. Point is, is the Brits are crazy into speed, which is a weird thing for them to be into.

40:52🔗 Drew Yeah.

40:53🔗 Adam What is it? Which is it with you guys? You're into those crazy bee feeder outfits and the cricket, or you're into land speed? One or the other. You can't do both.

41:01🔗 Drew Yeah.

41:01🔗 Adam They're into all that junk. All right, I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Drew, you check it out during the break.

41:06🔗 Drew You would think it would be the, if anybody, the Japanese would have it.

41:08🔗 Adam Yeah, they don't, they got nothing. They got zero over there. But the point is, is the US of A does not own the land speed record. And we've had it for most of the time, too. This is trouble, Drew. I'm going to get it back.

41:21🔗 Drew Time you, Fanta, you take your car or mine?

41:24🔗 Adam I'm going to get, I'm going to use a stock Chevy Sprint. It's a three-cylinder car. But don't worry.

41:30🔗 Drew With rockets in the back?

41:32🔗 Adam No, I'm taking out the back seat. I'm going to lighten it up, and then I'm going to, I'm going to modify the jetting on the carps, and take the muffler off.

41:41🔗 Drew Oh, perfect.

41:42🔗 Adam Are you with me?

41:43🔗 Drew Yeah, let's go.

41:43🔗 Adam And I'm running on four space saver spares for drag. All right, we'll take a, by the way, any bigger loser move than the space saver on, and getting worn down? You see that guy?

41:54🔗 Drew That's bad times.

41:55🔗 Adam Where the space saver's literally, you can see he's been on the car for six months now. Yes? All right. We'll take a quick break. Be right back after this. Hey, everybody, Loveline, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-A-V-E-1-9-1. Well, engineer Michelle just confirmed it, the Brits do own the land speed record, 760 miles an hour. And I, for one, I'm not going to stand for it. I'm getting it back.

42:35🔗 Drew With your, what are you gonna use it, Vega?

42:37🔗 Adam I'm using a Sprint.

42:38🔗 Drew Sprint.

42:39🔗 Adam Chevy Sprint. It's a three-cylinder. By the way, I was just thinking about that car today. It's a four-door car with three cylinders. I thought, oh, my God, you better hope you don't have any friends that got any ass on them at all because you ain't getting out of the driveway. Three cylinders. By the way, how low does your self-esteem have to be that you buy an automobile with three cylinders? And people always do this one, too. Oh, it gets fantastic. Yeah, a moped gets good mileage, too. It's nice. It's nice to have a little protection unless you get T-boned. Three cylinders. There you go. Is that even set? You better even know that, Drew.

43:13🔗 Drew No way.

43:14🔗 Adam You didn't know they made cars for that.

43:15🔗 Drew No.

43:15🔗 Adam Drew, 16-cylinder man. Oh, yeah.

43:19🔗 Drew Yeah, right. Everybody, right?

43:20🔗 Adam No, no, no. No, Drew.

43:22🔗 Drew Some people have 12?

43:23🔗 Adam Drew drives a boat-tailed Duesenberg. 16 supercharged cylinders. A 20, 26-liter automobile.

43:35🔗 Drew Huge. Crazy.

43:37🔗 Adam Huge.

43:38🔗 Drew Or is that like an airplane engine?

43:39🔗 Caller No, Drew.

43:40🔗 Adam It doesn't even in there's the chauffeur isn't covered. I like that one too. I like when those guys, when they design those old cars from the 30s, where the rich guy was in the covered part, the chauffeur guy, they even put the roof over him. Right. It was like, wouldn't it be easier just to put the roof over there? No, no. That way he, we know who's in charge because this one guy's scraping bugs off his teeth and getting hailed on. The other guy's, he's got a nice crystal vase back there, the flower and he's got a little phone he's talking to the guy in front of him.

44:08🔗 Drew I guess we've got to throw back the coaches in the Wild West. The coachman sits outside with the horses. Yeah.

44:14🔗 Adam You know what it is? Is we used to F with people that had less money. The people that worked with you. The servant eats over there, the servant sleeps over there, he sits out in the rain, he wears this ridiculous outfit. Now, we don't have that anymore. Everyone just shops at Old Navy and you can't tell who's rich. It used to be you knew who was rich. He was wearing a top hat, he was ordering around a guy who had no roof on his car. Now, you don't know and it's not considered in good form. Let me tell you something, I'm old school, brother.

44:47🔗 Drew You're bringing it back?

44:48🔗 Adam Well, I've been living it for a while. You're on the Ace Man payroll.

44:52🔗 Drew What's wrong tonight?

44:54🔗 Adam Oh, the sweatpants?

44:55🔗 Drew Well, and the jack-hole sweatshirt and the...

44:58🔗 Adam No, no, no, not in the way I dress, the way I treat people that make less money than me. Michelle, give me a warmup on this coffee, would you? Here, mock you now, sweetie pea. You see it? No, don't do it, babe, but that was just an example.

45:09🔗 Drew Junior, junior, junior, engineer, Lauren, Adam, you agree with what he's saying tonight?

45:14🔗 Adam It's not junior, junior, junior. It's junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, junior, I think I have to state.

45:22🔗 Drew We're not gonna get a call. Let's try to get a call. Come on, one easy one, I think.

45:26🔗 Adam We're not taking a call. We're not taking a call.

45:28🔗 Drew Anderson, don't do that. No calls this segment.

45:36🔗 Adam Michelle, what do you say? No calls?

45:37🔗 Drew No calls.

45:38🔗 Adam Yeah, you want to know what? You know what? You know what? When I hear no calls, no calls, I say take calls. That's what I do, because that's the way I do it.

45:44🔗 Drew I'm devastated.

45:44🔗 Adam That's why I'm a lone wolf. You understand? I'm my own man. I do my own thing. Matt? Yeah? How do you like me now, Drew? You didn't want me to take calls?

45:53🔗 Drew I'm talking to Matt.

45:54🔗 Adam I'm angry.

45:54🔗 Drew I told you to take no calls.

45:55🔗 Adam Well, you're not the boss of me, Matt.

45:58🔗 Yeah.

45:59🔗 Adam 22. Drew said, don't go to the phones, but I said, screw that.

46:02🔗 Yeah, don't listen to Drew.

46:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

46:05🔗 Adam I march to the beat of my own drummer. Go ahead. No one manipulates me. That's my point, Drew. You understand? Thank you. Go ahead, Matt.

46:13🔗 All right. Hey, a couple of nights ago, you were talking about a-

46:17🔗 Adam We do got to run up against a break. I got to take a break.

46:20🔗 Drew See, I told you there would be no calls in a second one.

46:22🔗 Adam No calls, huh? Matt?

46:24🔗 Drew Yeah. Hey, don't go to break. Don't go to break. Don't go to break?

46:28🔗 Adam No, I'm going to break. Pow! How do you like me now? I'm going to break. Any other suggestions, Weisenheimer? Should I not whiz in the sink during the break?

46:40🔗 Drew No, don't. No, wait, whiz, whiz. All right. No, no, don't whiz, don't whiz.

46:44🔗 Adam It's too late. I'm whizzing now.

46:45🔗 Drew All right.

46:46🔗 Adam I don't want to take any chances. Let's take a quick break. We'll get back with Matt after this.

47:36🔗 Drew All right, let's not take any calls. No calls, and, Finn, take your time. Don't forget your little call.

47:40🔗 Adam No, don't take my time, no calls, man.

47:42🔗 Drew is not the boss of you.

47:44🔗 Adam That's right, he seems like, I think I hear the sound of a caller on the line, Drew. What do you think about that?

47:48🔗 Drew I told him no calls.

47:49🔗 Adam Well, you told me no calls, but you know what? You know why they call me Ace?

47:54🔗 Drew Uh, no.

47:55🔗 Adam I'm asking, do you know? No, I don't know.

47:57🔗 Drew I don't know.

47:58🔗 Adam Michelle, do you know what I'm going to say? No. We're going to get to the bottom of that. We'll look into that. Soon, check the internet. Soon we'll find out.

48:06🔗 Drew What's up?

48:06🔗 Adam What's up?

48:07🔗 Not a lot. Hey, the other night you were talking about eight whole neighbors leaving anonymous letters. Well, sure enough, tonight I got home only to find out that someone said, I got an anonymous letter from a neighbor saying that my dogs had been barking all week. Well, I do have dogs. The only thing is, is all week they've been up at, I'm in Phoenix, they've been up north with my parents on their property.

48:32🔗 Drew So they haven't really been here all week. Maybe the notes are weak. You may be picked your mail up in a little while.

48:38🔗 No, it was taped to my front door and that's how I come in and out of my house. So I wasn't there this morning.

48:43🔗 Adam Hold on. I don't go through my front door, I do a shoulder roll through the kitchen window, like SWAT, pop up my hat backwards.

48:52🔗 Drew That's why they call you Ace.

48:53🔗 Adam Oh, so maybe I'm on to something. So, Matt, first off, you're 22, you own your own home?

49:01🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you what, I'm not over in Southern California. You can afford homes a little bit, a little easier over in Phoenix.

49:09🔗 Drew And still work with metal.

49:10🔗 Adam No kidding, yeah, what do you do for a living?

49:12🔗 Caller I work for a bank. I'm essentially a personal banker, essentially.

49:18🔗 Adam Wow, all right, 22.

49:20🔗 Drew Ooh, Adam, you could use a personal banker.

49:22🔗 Adam Yeah, no, I couldn't. You're 22, you're doing pretty good for yourself. Got your own house, got some doggies, your parents have property. I'm gonna kick my dad in the nuts for not having property.

49:32🔗 Drew Yeah, but I think Matt wanted to trigger you, though, about the neighbors and the...

49:36🔗 Adam Yeah, if you don't know who wrote it, then you're screwed.

49:39🔗 Caller Yeah, I'll give you a little quick background on it, because about two and a half months ago, I had another one of them, and I was kind of like taken back. I was like, I don't want to be that guy with the barking dog. So I've been doing all kinds of stuff, got them callers to stop them from barking and all kinds of stuff. So I think I know which one it is, which neighbor of mine it is, but I'm not 100% sure. I'm pretty sure I know who it is.

50:07🔗 Drew One thing that Adam and I, we talked about after that show, we talked about it all the way home, I'd say, and we both agreed that we would never leave a note. I mean, there's nothing that can entice me to do that.

50:21🔗 Adam No, there's no circumstances.

50:23🔗 Drew There's no story, there's not that.

50:25🔗 Adam No, no, no.

50:27🔗 Drew No scenario where we would do that.

50:29🔗 Adam No, I told you on the air, Drew, that if I saw the silhouette through my neighbor's shade of a clown, pointy clown hat and big nose of just eating a nine-year-old, I would think, well, you know what?

50:44🔗 Drew It takes all kinds.

50:45🔗 Adam Come see, come saw.

50:46🔗 Drew Yeah, it takes all kinds.

50:47🔗 Adam It takes all kinds. Live and let. Oh, die. Yeah. But anyway, I would just keep moving forward. None of my business. Yeah. No. Yeah, I don't know where people get the energy. But here's the thing, too, with pain in the ass neighborhoods, neighbors, I should say, but best way. And it's hard to do all the time. The best way is just to try to ignore them as most much as possible, because half of them would like to dance. Most screwed up people want to dance.

51:10🔗 Drew Right.

51:11🔗 Adam That's the whole thing. They want to engage. Yes. You can defuse that by just not taking the first step with them.

51:17🔗 Drew Right. Yes.

51:18🔗 Adam It's tough because you want to dance. I mean, it's sort of like they engage you. And then you want to sort of reply to their request. You know, they put their hand out. Shall we dance? And you want to go, yeah.

51:29🔗 Drew And it's somehow not gratifying to not dance, but it's almost always healthier just not to dance.

51:35🔗 Adam And not only that, they go looking for different partners.

51:38🔗 Drew Different dance partner.

51:39🔗 Adam All right. Let's talk to, feels pressure to go to a funeral of classmates she doesn't even know. That's interesting. What makes transgender people want to change sex? Genetics. Amanda.

51:52🔗 Yes.

51:54🔗 Adam You have a classmate that died?

51:56🔗 Yes, I do.

51:58🔗 Adam Are you going to high school or college?

52:01🔗 Well, I'm in college now and he was a classmate from like, from when I was in high school.

52:08🔗 Drew What happened to him?

52:11🔗 I guess he killed himself on Wednesday.

52:14🔗 Drew Nice.

52:16🔗 He had killed himself, I guess.

52:19🔗 Adam And who wants you to go to the funeral?

52:23🔗 A bunch of teachers from my school have called me and said like, oh, Jake's killed himself and we know how close you were and everyone knows how close you were and, you know, the funeral's tomorrow and you can go with the principal if you want.

52:37🔗 Drew Were you close to him?

52:38🔗 No.

52:40🔗 Adam Here's the point, was it a private school?

52:43🔗 Caller I went to an alternative school, so yeah, it was pretty small.

52:48🔗 Adam Yeah, but let me explain.

52:50🔗 Drew Hippie school?

52:51🔗 Adam Yes, it's school for kids that don't like to read, enjoy smoking and want to call their teachers their first name.

52:58🔗 Drew Or is it instead of juvie, you go to alternative school?

53:00🔗 Caller No, I wasn't a bad kid or stupid or anything like that. I went because I just really hated like the large high school that was in my town, so I went to a smaller school.

53:10🔗 Drew Uh-huh. How many kids in your class?

53:14🔗 Caller There were like 15 kids in my class.

53:17🔗 Drew And you didn't know someone in your class?

53:21🔗 Caller I knew him, but he was really withdrawn. And I talked to him every once in a while. Like we mentored little kids that were in a public school near us, and I used to walk to the school with him, but I hardly knew him.

53:36🔗 Adam Hold on, their version of alternative schools is much different than what I'm used to, because there's no mentoring going on.

53:44🔗 Drew No, yours was mentoring, throwing dirt clouds.

53:47🔗 Adam Yeah, alternative schools, like a parole officer shows up every once in a while and checks on you, but there's no mentoring of kids. You're the one who needs the mentoring. And a guy comes in and talks about why smoking and drugs are bad for you. Amanda?

54:02🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm here. There was no parole officer.

54:05🔗 Adam No parole. So you're going, where are you going, junior college?

54:08🔗 Caller I was.

54:12🔗 Drew I get the strange cold feeling talking to her. I mean, somebody she knew fairly well.

54:16🔗 Caller You have a strange cold feeling talking to me?

54:19🔗 Drew Yeah, because somebody you, what is it you want to do here? You just don't want to go to the funeral?

54:23🔗 Caller Here's the thing, I didn't know this kid very well. He was really withdrawn and quiet. And I'm not that, I mean, I hope no one's listening to this who like knows this situation, but I'm not that.

54:33🔗 Adam You're glad he did it, aren't you?

54:34🔗 Caller I'm surprised that he did it. I'm not surprised. And I'm surprised that everyone thinks I was really good friends with him, which makes me think no one was friends with him. And from what I remember, no one was. So now I feel like if I don't go to this funeral, then no one's gonna go. And like, how is that gonna make his family feel that none of his friends showed up? I'm like, but if I do go, they won't be there.

54:59🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing. When people call you and tell you that somebody's passed away and they want to know if you want to go to the funeral, they don't say, I know you guys were marginal friends. They just say, I know you guys were close and it'd probably be important that you go. They just couch it that way. So they probably don't necessarily think you guys were best friends. That's what they say.

55:21🔗 Drew Listen, in your class of graduating, class of 15, how could you not be close with everybody in some fashion? Maybe not with great intimacy or great knowledge, but each one of those people was a major part of your high school experience.

55:36🔗 Adam Drew, how about you get close with the ear, nose and throat doctor?

55:39🔗 Drew This is going to take a few days to get better.

55:42🔗 Adam Please stifle yourself. Would you please?

55:44🔗 Drew I know, it's bad.

55:45🔗 Adam Yeah, he's got a cold. Hey, Amanda.

55:48🔗 Caller Yes, that's me.

55:49🔗 Adam It was 15 people that graduated.

55:52🔗 Caller Oh, no, only like five of us graduated.

55:56🔗 Drew They're 15 in the high school?

55:58🔗 Caller 15 in my class, yeah.

56:02🔗 Adam And he was in your class. How long were you at the school?

56:08🔗 Caller Three years.

56:10🔗 Drew And was he there?

56:11🔗 Adam Hold on. Was he there all... And by the way, this is my path. Leave me alone.

56:17🔗 Drew I know, I know.

56:18🔗 Caller He was there all three years you were there?

56:21🔗 I'm assuming.

56:23🔗 Drew And you don't... Did you hear what she said? She said, I don't remember them. I don't remember. What happened to her? I can't remember anybody in a class of 15 that I was with for three years. I can't remember anybody?

56:35🔗 Adam Was in a class.

56:38🔗 Drew She, and by the way, she's not 48. She's 19.

56:41🔗 Caller This is last year.

56:43🔗 Adam Your throat is like in its 80s, right?

56:45🔗 Drew I'm going to like spring right out of my.

56:47🔗 Adam Please bring something up. Please bring up that sanding disc that's in there. All right. Okay. So the question initially was, someone in her high school class died. They didn't really know each other. And now she's being pressured to go to the guy's funeral, which is a weird thing because I went to high school with 4,000 people and it's like, well, I didn't know everyone and everyone knew me. I didn't know everybody in my high school class. And then the second one is this, why is everyone calling her? That's your second one. Why would you even call? The teachers know your number. They want to know if the principal wants to be, what is all this? All right, well now it's coming in to focus. 15 people for four years.

57:30🔗 Drew And listen, why did only five of them graduate?

57:33🔗 Adam It's alternative school, Drew.

57:34🔗 Drew So you don't graduate if you don't want to?

57:37🔗 Adam Listen, please. Amanda?

57:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

57:42🔗 Adam Okay. Did you really, three years or four years?

57:46🔗 Caller I was there for three years.

57:48🔗 Adam Three years. And a class of 15.

57:51🔗 Caller Right.

57:52🔗 Drew And you forget who these people were?

57:53🔗 Caller Wait, let me explain. Because it's not, first of all, the kid was really quiet.

57:59🔗 Adam Now we got that part.

58:01🔗 Caller Second of all, I was moved up. Like, I went as a sophomore, but I was put into the senior class. So I didn't have like a year of the class. I wasn't in with him.

58:11🔗 Adam If you're only a pack a day smoker, they'll move you up sometimes.

58:14🔗 Drew It's nice. So she was with him for two years, not four. So you were with him for two years, not four.

58:21🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, I mean, in the same school for three years, but yeah.

58:24🔗 Adam Right.

58:25🔗 Drew Same class for two years.

58:26🔗 Adam Right.

58:27🔗 Caller Third of all, he was really quiet. And I had a boyfriend the whole time that I was in that class with my boyfriend.

58:34🔗 Adam But hold on a second.

58:35🔗 Drew I have a question.

58:36🔗 Adam You can't do A, he was really quiet, B, I got moved up, C, he was really quiet.

58:40🔗 Drew Yeah. Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. Did the classroom have a mascot like an animal?

58:48🔗 Caller No.

58:49🔗 Drew No, rabbit or dog or cat or something that hung around the classroom?

58:53🔗 Caller It's an alternative school. It was high school.

58:56🔗 Drew Yeah, but I mean, it was an alternative high school. So was there any kind of class pet or anything?

59:00🔗 Caller No, we didn't color or anything. It was like normal.

59:02🔗 Drew What I was wondering is if you had been exposed to such an animal, if you remembered it or was it too quiet for you?

59:08🔗 Adam True. Hold on a second. Hold on a minute. Let me yell it true. True. Have you ever gone down a road where there's ever been anything at the end of it on this show?

59:15🔗 Drew Of course not.

59:16🔗 Adam Ever?

59:17🔗 Drew Of course not.

59:19🔗 Adam Why do you continue traveling?

59:19🔗 Drew Why do you continue bringing it up? Of course I'm going to travel. Of course I'm going nowhere.

59:23🔗 Adam Did you have a class pet? Huh?

59:26🔗 Caller Did you have a mascot? What?

59:29🔗 Adam A mascot? No, it was high school.

59:32🔗 Caller Well, if you did, you only never remembered it, you bitch.

59:41🔗 Adam And Drew, if they say no, you can't keep going. You got to stop.

59:45🔗 Drew No, I was making the point I was going to make.

59:49🔗 Adam What do you think?

59:49🔗 Drew Otherwise, it would have been just, why is he asking about pets? Yeah.

59:53🔗 Adam Oh, oh, you're talking about Heime the polar bear? Sure. Yeah.

59:57🔗 Drew I remember him. I've forgotten about him. Now I remember.

59:59🔗 Adam 750 pounds. Amanda? Yes. I'm sorry for my partner. Look, you don't have to go if you don't want to go.

1:00:09🔗 Drew No, that's not the point. Of course not.

1:00:11🔗 Adam I think you should go because now that I realized that you had a class that was really, there's more M&Ms than a mini pack than you had in your graduating class. You need to go there. I think you do. You know why you need to? Because it's one of these things where it just falls out of the heading of, it takes half your day and screw it. It's done. And then out of respect.

1:00:38🔗 Drew It's something that good people do.

1:00:40🔗 Adam And secondly, what the hell are you doing anyway? You dropped out of junior college.

1:00:44🔗 Caller I do have a job.

1:00:47🔗 Drew What kind of job?

1:00:48🔗 Caller I'm the supervisor at an arts and crafts store.

1:00:51🔗 Adam All right. Well, tell the old people they can't have their clay this day and you go pay your respects.

1:00:58🔗 Caller It just seems like it might be wrong to go to a funeral if I hardly knew the guy.

1:01:03🔗 Drew No, it's wrong not to go.

1:01:05🔗 Adam It's quite the opposite.

1:01:06🔗 Drew It's wrong not to go. Yes, definitely.

1:01:07🔗 Adam It really is. As long as you're not asked to speak, because I don't want you going, he was pretty depressed, I was banging on another guy and I didn't like him much. He gave me the creeps, good riddance.

1:01:17🔗 Drew You're getting the creeps? Amanda gives me the creeps.

1:01:19🔗 Adam Amanda, you're creeping us out.

1:01:20🔗 Caller Wait, can I just say one thing?

1:01:22🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:01:22🔗 Adam I know, you guys, he was quiet.

1:01:23🔗 Drew He was quiet, I can't remember him.

1:01:25🔗 Caller Do you think that everyone you knew when you were in high school would remember you?

1:01:30🔗 Drew I'm sure that you don't remember me. But Amanda, if I was, in fact, I can tell you for sure, I had a slightly larger class, but a small class of like 60 people. When I was a resident, one of my classmates died, I absolutely got my ass to her funeral, and that was seven years later, not one year later. Just out of respect to a history together, and the community that you were a part of, even if it's not the person.

1:01:53🔗 Adam And by the way, what is your semi-retarded point? I had 500 people in my graduating class, I probably knew 400 of them. How dare you? They all knew me.

1:02:03🔗 Caller Not everybody.

1:02:04🔗 Adam Yeah, not everybody, but not everyone had a graduating class of five.

1:02:09🔗 Caller I remember the people that graduated.

1:02:12🔗 Adam You went to like a little house in the Prairie type school, smaller. I mean, I know you.

1:02:17🔗 Caller No, I didn't talk to him.

1:02:19🔗 Adam All right, shut up.

1:02:20🔗 Drew Enough, enough, let's keep going.

1:02:21🔗 Adam God, you're a pain in the ass. You must be good looking. You've got to be good looking with that horrible attitude of yours. Are you hot?

1:02:30🔗 Caller I don't know.

1:02:31🔗 Adam I'd say you're hot.

1:02:32🔗 Caller I'm pregnant.

1:02:33🔗 Adam Oh, no. You're going to ruin your kid. Oh, my God. What's going on?

1:02:38🔗 Caller I'm not going to ruin my kid.

1:02:40🔗 Adam Didn't I tell you that alternative school was a mess?

1:02:43🔗 Caller Nobody would say that to you. That's a horrible thing to say.

1:02:45🔗 Drew Is this why you don't want to go be seen by your school people? Because you're pregnant?

1:02:49🔗 Adam Yeah, she's ashamed.

1:02:50🔗 Caller They can see me. I'm smart. I have a family. I have a job.

1:02:53🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:02:54🔗 Drew She's ashamed. She doesn't want to go.

1:02:55🔗 Adam That's right.

1:02:56🔗 Caller I've already gone in and seen my teachers. They know I'm pregnant.

1:02:59🔗 Adam All right. By the way, I, you know, alternative school and not pregnant.

1:03:04🔗 Caller I was pregnant before I got pregnant, yeah.

1:03:06🔗 Adam All right. Not pregnant till nine. Okay. You're married. What's going on?

1:03:09🔗 Caller What is another thing? No, I'm not married.

1:03:11🔗 Adam All right.

1:03:12🔗 Drew Everything's defensive. Shut up.

1:03:14🔗 Adam Just go ruin your kid. And let me tell you, by the way, remember alternative school? Remember about an hour and a half ago, I was telling you that only Nimrods go to alternative school and troublemakers. Oh, no. I just went in a more intimate environment. An intimate environment where you didn't know anybody? Number one. Number two, how's it work? Well, dropped out of junior college, pregnant at 19, have a job or a handout, decorative pipe cleaners, old people.

1:03:37🔗 Drew Fantastic.

1:03:38🔗 Adam Oh, yeah.

1:03:38🔗 Drew Yes.

1:03:39🔗 Adam Harvard bound.

1:03:40🔗 Drew Yes.

1:03:40🔗 Adam Am I right or am I right about this alternative school nonsense?

1:03:44🔗 Drew Yes.

1:03:44🔗 Adam Look, here's the thing. There's certain people that weren't meant to go to school. Why do we have to warehouse them? Oh, we'll just put them in a pen. We'll sit around.

1:03:52🔗 Drew And the irony of Amanda is that she probably could have performed well at a real school if somebody kicked her ass a little bit.

1:03:56🔗 Adam She got the smart part, but she also has the ass part in spades. Smart and ass. Smart ass.

1:04:03🔗 Drew Oh yeah, how about that?

1:04:04🔗 Adam All right, she's angry. I don't know what the hell's wrong.

1:04:06🔗 Drew She's not angry, she's just defensive. Everything's a big explanation.

1:04:09🔗 Adam Why do you have to be defensive about my anger allegations? Enzo? Enzo's 16.

1:04:16🔗 Drew Is he asleep? No. There you are.

1:04:19🔗 Adam Enzo's been on hold for 80 minutes. Enzo's calling from Arizona.

1:04:26🔗 Drew Go ahead, Enzo, now's your chance.

1:04:27🔗 Adam Not a lot of guys in Arizona name Enzo.

1:04:29🔗 Drew Probably not.

1:04:30🔗 Adam And I think we've spoken to Enzo before.

1:04:33🔗 Caller Yeah, I called the eve of Thanksgiving.

1:04:36🔗 Adam That's right, Enzo. What's up, brother man?

1:04:38🔗 Caller I was playing paintball with my team earlier this afternoon.

1:04:41🔗 Drew Your team.

1:04:42🔗 Caller And I got shot and bruised on my left testicle.

1:04:46🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:04:47🔗 Caller And I wonder if that's the thing I should be worrying about?

1:04:50🔗 Should I have it checked out or what?

1:04:52🔗 Drew Is it still hurting?

1:04:53🔗 Yeah, it's like really, really dark, dark, dark blue.

1:04:57🔗 Drew Is it swollen?

1:04:59🔗 Yeah.

1:05:00🔗 Drew Then you definitely need to be seen. You can actually fracture your testi. It can die. I had a patient that got hit with a hockey puck in the testi and it just fractured just like a hard-boiled egg and cracked it.

1:05:11🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:05:11🔗 Drew That's what it looked like.

1:05:12🔗 Adam Exploded.

1:05:13🔗 Drew Yeah, kind of exploded. And so you can get real serious injuries, Enzo, that way. So they may want to do an ultrasound on it to make sure the blood's getting to it and that it's still alive. Like tomorrow? Yeah, like tomorrow.

1:05:23🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:05:24🔗 Drew So you're a urologist or go to the emergency room.

1:05:27🔗 Adam Shut the balls with a ball.

1:05:29🔗 Drew Paintball.

1:05:29🔗 Adam Shouldn't you be wearing a cup?

1:05:31🔗 Drew No. What? Why not? How many times you got paintballing?

1:05:36🔗 Adam Who, me?

1:05:37🔗 Drew You, Adam.

1:05:38🔗 Adam Listen, Enzo, you've been paintballing 750 times. I think I've done it like two or three times.

1:05:44🔗 Drew Have you even considered wearing a cup?

1:05:49🔗 Adam I wear a cup to go to market.

1:05:51🔗 Drew Oh, that's right.

1:05:51🔗 Adam I'm very protective of my jewels.

1:05:53🔗 Drew Well, you're thinking, because your junk sort of lags, you know, it's like a train that falls. It's like a bridal train.

1:06:00🔗 Adam It lacks form.

1:06:01🔗 Drew Yes, you have to keep it kind of packed in. I understand that.

1:06:03🔗 Adam It's like a jellyfish.

1:06:04🔗 Drew Yeah, it's different.

1:06:05🔗 Adam I got to put it in water. Otherwise, it just spills out all over the place. Huge prodigious sack.

1:06:16🔗 Drew Prodigious sack, yes?

1:06:19🔗 Adam Yes.

1:06:20🔗 Drew Prodigious sack, yes?

1:06:21🔗 Caller Yes.

1:06:24🔗 Adam Krista.

1:06:25🔗 Caller Hello.

1:06:26🔗 Adam You're 20?

1:06:27🔗 Caller I am.

1:06:28🔗 Adam Oh, I like you so much better in that last chick caller.

1:06:32🔗 Caller Yeah, she was interesting, wasn't she?

1:06:35🔗 Adam Well, let me... I like when people... You know, my favorite part about life is when idiots make retarded points. Well, let me ask you. Would you know everybody? Uh, look, here's the thing. If I was flying in a private plane with four people, I would know everyone in the private plane. That's right. If I was flying in a 747 with 400 people, I wouldn't know everyone on the plane. Well, let me ask you.

1:06:57🔗 Caller Okay. Yeah.

1:06:59🔗 Adam No, not you, baby doll.

1:07:00🔗 Caller Oh, sorry.

1:07:01🔗 Drew Chris is ready to serve.

1:07:02🔗 Adam Yeah, her whole thing was null and void because she graduated with five people.

1:07:07🔗 Drew I thought so. All right, Krista, what's going on?

1:07:12🔗 Adam And I was known, Drew.

1:07:14🔗 Drew In your high school?

1:07:14🔗 Adam That's right.

1:07:16🔗 Drew You were known as the nappy headed guy.

1:07:18🔗 Adam You know why they call me Ace?

1:07:21🔗 Caller Yeah. No.

1:07:23🔗 Adam Drew, did you do anything?

1:07:25🔗 Caller No.

1:07:25🔗 Adam All right, then be quiet. Krista?

1:07:28🔗 Caller Yes.

1:07:29🔗 Adam Go ahead.

1:07:30🔗 Caller Okay. I'm 20. I'm a pretty mature 20-year-old though because of my childhood.

1:07:38🔗 Drew By the way, that does not make somebody mature. A traumatic childhood does not make them mature. It makes them sort of feel like they lost their childhood and make them parentalize and make some very care taking, but not necessarily mature.

1:07:52🔗 Adam Yeah. It's like beating the crap out of a car and calling it season when it's only two years old.

1:07:57🔗 Drew Exactly.

1:07:58🔗 Adam All right, go ahead.

1:07:59🔗 Caller Okay. Well, I used to be engaged to this guy. We dated for about two years and we had an actual relationship for about a year and a half.

1:08:06🔗 Drew What kind of relationship?

1:08:07🔗 Adam Sexual.

1:08:08🔗 Caller Sexual.

1:08:10🔗 Sessual, sessual.

1:08:11🔗 Adam She says it like sessual.

1:08:13🔗 Caller Sorry.

1:08:14🔗 Adam That's all right, go ahead.

1:08:15🔗 Caller So anyways, in this relationship, like at the beginning, it was pretty good. Like he was very attentive to my needs and everything went fine, but as time went on, he became less attentive and it was more about, he was very selfish basically. Like there was a few times that he told me to fake orgasms because he didn't want to feel inadequate. And so...

1:08:37🔗 Adam He didn't actually say fake an orgasm so I can...

1:08:41🔗 Caller He did.

1:08:42🔗 Drew Like right now fake it? Or I wish you would fake it when we were having sex.

1:08:46🔗 Caller Yeah, the second, the latter.

1:08:49🔗 Adam But did he say so I won't feel inadequate?

1:08:54🔗 Drew Joking?

1:08:55🔗 Adam Is I...

1:08:56🔗 Caller No, not joking, like serious. Like it was pretty bad towards the end.

1:09:00🔗 Adam I find that hard to believe, but go ahead. I know that's definitely what you heard or what you felt.

1:09:07🔗 Caller No, he really did say that.

1:09:10🔗 Drew Why you didn't turn around right then is hard to believe.

1:09:12🔗 Caller But go ahead.

1:09:14🔗 Caller I was pretty involved. It was a long... It's a long story. Anyways, he would ask me to participate in some role-playing activities. And I went along with them because, one, they sounded enjoyable to me, and two, I was willing to try anything to kind of spice it up, if that makes sense.

1:09:34🔗 Drew To spice it up or make him happy?

1:09:36🔗 Adam And three, he was quiet. He kept himself. It's a different call. Alright, and what was the role-playing?

1:09:44🔗 Caller It was a rape situation.

1:09:45🔗 Adam Rape situation.

1:09:46🔗 Drew One time.

1:09:48🔗 Caller One time.

1:09:49🔗 Alright.

1:09:51🔗 Adam How did it work? What happened? What was the scenario?

1:09:54🔗 Caller Like, basically, it was, I would try to fight him off.

1:10:01🔗 Adam Would he come in through the window or something?

1:10:03🔗 Caller No, nothing like that. It was just, it was hard to explain.

1:10:07🔗 Drew How could it be sexual? It's just a violent crime. How could it be sexual?

1:10:11🔗 Adam Drew?

1:10:11🔗 Drew Adam?

1:10:12🔗 Adam Oh yeah.

1:10:12🔗 Drew How could it be?

1:10:13🔗 Adam No, people don't. People don't know this about rape. They think it's a sexual crime.

1:10:22🔗 Drew Well, I mean, she claims it is. She claims it came out as sexual here.

1:10:25🔗 Adam No, no.

1:10:26🔗 Drew How could that be rape?

1:10:27🔗 Adam No, it's a violent, violent-

1:10:29🔗 Drew You came in and you beat her.

1:10:30🔗 Adam No, it's rape. No, it is a violent crime. It is not a sexual crime. It's not a crime of passion.

1:10:37🔗 Drew I'm getting it.

1:10:37🔗 Adam It's not a crime of sexuality or intimacy. It's pure violence.

1:10:40🔗 Caller It's a pure, it's a person.

1:10:41🔗 Drew Same thing as if I beat the crap out of you.

1:10:43🔗 Adam Out where you come, you come though. But it is all violence and then you come. But it is no different, Drew, and please hear me because I've had to explain this to you before. It is no different than any other violent crime where you come at the end. It is none.

1:11:01🔗 Caller It's not.

1:11:02🔗 Adam You understand? If I knocked you off that chair right now, okay, and I picked up that coffee mug, and I began beating you about the head and then came, and you would ejaculate.

1:11:13🔗 Caller It would be no different than that.

1:11:15🔗 Adam Do you understand? It is not, there's nothing to do, zero to do with sexuality, except for you come, and everything to do with violence, except if you don't really act like a smack person. But it is not a sexual crime. Do you understand?

1:11:32🔗 Drew Just because you have, crime of violence. Because there's penetration and orgasm ejaculation.

1:11:38🔗 Adam No, do not, no, no, no.

1:11:40🔗 Drew There's, there's...

1:11:42🔗 Adam If I went to a Korean liquor store, and there was an elderly man behind the counter, and I pistol whiffed him, and then I penetrated him, and it had an orgasm on him, it would be no different than that, okay?

1:11:59🔗 Drew That would be right.

1:12:02🔗 Adam It's violent, violent, violent, brutal, violent, come where you come at the end. Okay, so please get that straight. Krista?

1:12:12🔗 Drew Hello?

1:12:13🔗 Adam Hold on a second. All right, Drew. And I can't believe I haven't had to tell you that.

1:12:18🔗 Drew It's hard for me to get through my head that it's violent like that. It's so violent.

1:12:22🔗 Adam And then you come.

1:12:23🔗 Drew And then you jack it.

1:12:23🔗 Adam But it's not sexual. But you do come.

1:12:26🔗 Drew Yeah, okay.

1:12:28🔗 Adam It's all, it's like all those other things where you jackulate that aren't sexual. Funerals, physicals, you know what I'm saying, Drew? Think of, close your eyes and picture all those things that end with an orgasm that aren't sexual.

1:12:42🔗 Drew Here's the irony. Even when you're giving a sperm sample, it's sexual.

1:12:46🔗 Adam No, that's a violent, oh wait a minute. Okay, you're right. The multitude of things that end with an orgasm that are not sexual, it's just like those. Okay.

1:12:56🔗 Drew I'm compiling my list.

1:12:57🔗 Adam Thank you. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back with poor Krista after this.

1:13:32🔗 Drew Here's Amanda's of the world, who won't go to the funerals of people that she lived with for five years. Three years.

1:13:38🔗 Adam Three years.

1:13:39🔗 Drew Come on.

1:13:39🔗 Adam He didn't talk much. Krista.

1:13:42🔗 Drew What was my point reasonable about the animal?

1:13:44🔗 Adam What was your point?

1:13:45🔗 Drew My point was gonna be if they had an animal, a rabbit or something, that cruised around in a little alternative classroom there. She'd remember the rabbit. The rabbit stayed in the quarter state to itself and was quiet too. You know what I'm saying?

1:13:55🔗 Adam It would have been a reasonable...

1:13:57🔗 Drew Had there been a rabbit?

1:13:58🔗 Adam Had there been an animal in the class. That's right. Here's the thing, when you hear no, you gotta keep moving.

1:14:04🔗 Drew Can't you explain what path you're in? Okay. I heard it.

1:14:07🔗 Adam No.

1:14:09🔗 Drew But I did come to understand that rape is a violent crime where you come.

1:14:14🔗 Adam That's right.

1:14:15🔗 Drew A violent crime where you ejaculate.

1:14:17🔗 Adam That's right.

1:14:17🔗 Drew Like all... And it's not sexual like so many other actions that include ejaculation.

1:14:23🔗 Adam That's right.

1:14:24🔗 Drew Not sexual.

1:14:24🔗 Adam That's right. Okay. See, you're a doctor, but you can still learn things.

1:14:30🔗 Drew Krista?

1:14:31🔗 Caller Hello.

1:14:32🔗 Drew All right. So here we go. The role playing. And it was just the rape thing or was there something else?

1:14:36🔗 Caller No, it was basically it because like shortly after that we broke up. But the reason why he wanted to do that, he was taking a sociology class at college and they had a section on rape and like they were watching a movie about it and he liked it and wanted to replay it.

1:14:53🔗 Adam What movie do you need to watch about rape in college?

1:14:56🔗 Caller They did, they watched one.

1:14:58🔗 Drew Doesn't it?

1:15:00🔗 Adam No. What was the movie called?

1:15:03🔗 Caller I don't know. It was like a, it's made for college sort of a thing.

1:15:09🔗 Adam I saw that movie Face Off and I felt raped.

1:15:12🔗 Drew I've been raped by my wife.

1:15:13🔗 Adam What am I eight bucks back? Yeah, and Broken Arrow too.

1:15:16🔗 Drew After the Sunset or whatever that was.

1:15:17🔗 Adam Oh.

1:15:18🔗 Drew Rape.

1:15:20🔗 Adam Pierce Brosnan, recent, yeah. Raped or obscenity too. Finished in your hair. Krista.

1:15:27🔗 Drew Not sexual. Not sexual.

1:15:29🔗 Adam Not a sexual crime. The, the guy's gone now, right? All right. So what's the big deal?

1:15:38🔗 Drew What's your question?

1:15:39🔗 Caller Well, my question is that we are from the same area.

1:15:43🔗 Caller Like, we live in the same area pretty much. And when we were dating...

1:15:47🔗 Drew We are in the same area. We live in the same area pretty much.

1:15:49🔗 Adam You guys are from the same area?

1:15:51🔗 Caller We live in the same area.

1:15:52🔗 Drew Oh, they live in the same area.

1:15:54🔗 Adam Go ahead.

1:15:55🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:15:55🔗 Caller So the people I associate with, he associates with. And so when we were dating, he was really into the violent role plays and the dirty talk and all that other kind of coarser sex.

1:16:08🔗 Drew Right. Okay. What's the question?

1:16:11🔗 Caller Okay. Now that we're broken up, he tells people that the reason why he broke up with me is because I freaked him out because of all that. And then it was my idea and things like that. And so I'm getting a bad reputation for this, even though it was him who said that he liked it and wanted to try it out.

1:16:29🔗 Drew What do you mean, getting a bad reputation? What? What do you mean, bad reputation? What does that mean to you?

1:16:35🔗 Caller Bad reputation, as in I'm kind of a psycho.

1:16:40🔗 Drew No, who is, who is? See, I understand, because males may be actually like this. The men might be thinking, fine.

1:16:46🔗 Adam Yeah, by the way, he's told three people who don't care.

1:16:48🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:16:49🔗 Adam Krista, get over yourself. Who cares?

1:16:51🔗 Drew You're talking about women, maybe getting back to you with the story to sort of make you feel better. Please. Something Yenta friends are doing.

1:16:59🔗 Adam It's like a novella. Relax, sweetie pea. Just get on with your life. She hung up or we hung up. I don't know what happened.

1:17:09🔗 Drew I feel violated.

1:17:10🔗 Adam Just relax, everybody. And look, don't get caught up in the nonsense. Move forward. You know what the best revenge is, Drew?

1:17:17🔗 Drew Happiness.

1:17:19🔗 Adam I was going to say, you take an ice pick to their tires.

1:17:21🔗 Drew Oh, that's good too.

1:17:22🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:17:23🔗 Drew And then you come.

1:17:24🔗 Adam And then you come. What was yours?

1:17:25🔗 Drew It's another one of their behaviors.

1:17:26🔗 Adam Not violent revenge. What was yours? Happiness?

1:17:29🔗 Yeah. Yeah.

1:17:30🔗 Adam That's not revenge.

1:17:30🔗 It's not creative enough.

1:17:31🔗 Adam No, it's not good. Megan?

1:17:33🔗 Yeah, I'm here.

1:17:34🔗 Adam You're 19?

1:17:35🔗 Caller Yes.

1:17:35🔗 Adam What's up, baby doll?

1:17:37🔗 Caller All right. A friend and I, we want to, we're, we have a little argument going on about what causes somebody to be a transgendered person.

1:17:49🔗 Drew Well, I don't think, you're both 19?

1:17:52🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:17:52🔗 Caller Well, he's 20.

1:17:53🔗 Drew I don't think you guys are in a position to solve that conundrum.

1:17:56🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:17:57🔗 Adam He's calling, calling us.

1:17:59🔗 Caller Well, he's been a listener for...

1:18:03🔗 Caller All right.

1:18:03🔗 Adam Well, let's talk about why somebody would do that.

1:18:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:18:07🔗 Drew Drew, unfortunately, like every human behavior, there is a genetic component and a behavioral component.

1:18:14🔗 Adam Right.

1:18:14🔗 Drew So there probably is some sort of genetic vulnerability, or maybe even some people, a very powerful genetic mechanism.

1:18:22🔗 Adam I have heard a handful of stories and seen a handful of stories on people that seem to be to want this procedure done to them. Always male going to female, by the way.

1:18:34🔗 Drew Which is usually what it is.

1:18:35🔗 Adam Right. That have longed for this procedure since they say they were two or three years old. So there does seem to be those who just came out of the shoot wanting to be different, and they have pictures of them when they're little kids, and their hair is short, and when they don't want to wear dresses, and so on and so forth. So there's definitely that element.

1:18:54🔗 Drew But you and I were talking about a conversation last night about fetishes in general, and as you know, I believe that people fetishize their body many times. Like Pamela Anderson to me is a female cross-dresser. Somebody who overly accentuates her female qualities is basically fetishizing her body. I wonder if some of this isn't a fetish, the transgender fetish that you have to have.

1:19:18🔗 Adam One could argue it was the ultimate fetish.

1:19:21🔗 Drew You and I had an interesting discussion last night off the air. I mean, I can't distinguish anymore what we talk about.

1:19:26🔗 Adam Yes. Drew had a theory about fetishes. He floated to me while I was on my cell phone pumping some gas into my car last night.

1:19:32🔗 Drew Yeah. My thought was that perhaps fetish is something we call counter-transference, that there may be vulnerable periods during early development where the child gets a huge dose of what's going on in the mom, that there's some sort of female preoccupation of a very powerful nature. Like women preoccupy about shoes. Men don't. Women are very preoccupied with feet and shoes.

1:19:53🔗 Right.

1:19:54🔗 Drew Well, maybe that feeling comes from something in women and the child is exposed to that feeling in some sort of powerful way at age one and a half or something. Pow! Fetish for feet, for shoes.

1:20:04🔗 Right.

1:20:04🔗 Drew And maybe there's something about... They have shown that transgender and women that hang around with transgender and gay men oftentimes are given messages about, I wish you'd been that other sex.

1:20:15🔗 Adam Well, Megan, this is speculation and hearsay.

1:20:19🔗 Drew Pure, pure. This has not been solved, what this is about.

1:20:22🔗 Adam So the answer is not a simple one. Small percentage of people are born that way.

1:20:28🔗 Drew Or whatever.

1:20:29🔗 Adam I mean, of this community, I would say about 20% actually just come out of the womb wanting something different downstairs. And then the other 80% are, no, then the other 60% were just ritualistically abused and screwed with and after with sexually and a cause. And then there's 20% that are just sort of plain nutty.

1:20:48🔗 Caller All right.

1:20:48🔗 Adam There you go. All right. Now, what was your thought on it, Megan?

1:20:52🔗 Caller I thought, I thought it, I thought maybe he was saying that it was like all like abuse. And I was saying, I think some people are born, you know.

1:21:06🔗 Adam I think we can agree, I think we can agree that a percentage of transgender people were born with no, had not an environment of abuse and born wanting to change their gender. That's true.

1:21:21🔗 Drew Something, yes.

1:21:22🔗 Adam Isn't that willing to go with that? I've seen enough stories on it and it's, I don't want to believe it either, but there was a story on like, I don't know, 20, 20 or 48 hours a couple weeks ago, twins. And one of them was transgendered and the other one wasn't. And these were both twins.

1:21:40🔗 Drew Identical twins?

1:21:42🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:21:42🔗 Drew Well doesn't that tell you that it's not genetic then?

1:21:45🔗 Adam Um, if I was smarter it would. But I'm not. So screw you.

1:21:50🔗 Drew That means it's definitely not genetic.

1:21:51🔗 Adam Touche.

1:21:52🔗 Drew That's how you tell whether things are genetic. Well, ba-ba-ba.

1:21:55🔗 Adam Cha-cha-cha.

1:21:57🔗 Drew Ba-ba-ba. Not cha-cha.

1:21:58🔗 Adam Cha-cha-cha. Now here's the thing. I think they were identical twins. Let's see. Fraternal twins can born the same time.

1:22:07🔗 Drew Different genetics.

1:22:08🔗 Adam Different genetics, but oftentimes look the same.

1:22:10🔗 Drew Yeah. Sometimes Olsen twins are fraternal.

1:22:13🔗 Adam Fraternal. But, okay, so the point is these twins, I'm not, maybe they're just fraternal twins. The point is, or maybe they weren't. I should check it out. The point is, they had this crazy, and the one of them wanted to be a dude since the word go. And the other one was happily wearing dresses and playing with dolls, and this one cut her hair off and wouldn't go along with anything. And then by the time she was like 11, just full-blown diesel dyke, just big, you know, tough skins cuffed up and a lumberjack shirt and a mullet. And it is, oh my God, as a parent, by the way, I don't know what you do. Like when your kid just, you know, age nine, diesel dyke, what are you going to do, pops? What are you going to do? I don't know what you're going to do, but something. You got to do something. I don't know what, you know what I'm going to do if my kid goes for that? Freeze them.

1:23:05🔗 Drew Just right then?

1:23:06🔗 Adam Just freeze them. Just flash freeze them. No, no, just freeze the whole thing.

1:23:10🔗 Drew Oh, that's good.

1:23:11🔗 Adam Yeah. I do it liquid nitrogen. Pow. Dip them right in there like a blue fin. You know what I mean? Flash freeze them. And then, you know what? And then we'll work on it.

1:23:23🔗 Drew Yeah, you figure it out.

1:23:24🔗 Adam And everyone will be like, what are you going to do? And I'll be like, what's the rush? Relax. Let's let medical science catch up to us.

1:23:32🔗 Caller That's good.

1:23:32🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:23:33🔗 Caller That's nice.

1:23:33🔗 Adam Let's keep them. Yeah. All right. So what was I talking about?

1:23:36🔗 Drew I don't know. Let's go to Brian.

1:23:37🔗 Adam Okay. There were, I think they may have been identical twins. And here's the hypotheses. Are you ready? They got into, maybe this is just mumbo jumbo, but here's the hypotheses. They got into, the mom got into a horrible car accident, or a bad car accident, I don't know, a month before the birth. The hypotheses is that one of the kids suffered some trauma, whereas the other one didn't.

1:24:02🔗 Drew Interesting.

1:24:03🔗 Adam And that that could have caused this. That makes sense. The motivating factor behind this crazy change between two people that essentially were the same.

1:24:13🔗 Drew There you go.

1:24:13🔗 Adam You're going for that?

1:24:14🔗 Drew Absolutely. All right. Very interesting.

1:24:16🔗 Adam All right. We're gonna take a, and by the way, violent car accidents.

1:24:22🔗 Drew We ejaculate?

1:24:22🔗 Adam Ejaculate.

1:24:23🔗 Drew That it's not sexual.

1:24:24🔗 Adam It's not sexual.

1:24:25🔗 Drew But in my theory, the kid who had been traumatized, would come out with a vulnerability to these sort of fetishistic reactions. It wouldn't be the actual trauma that caused it, but it sets up the vulnerability for it.

1:24:37🔗 Adam What's that mean?

1:24:38🔗 Drew It's not a sexual crime.

1:24:39🔗 Adam What do you mean the vulnerability?

1:24:42🔗 Drew The potential for the environment then to have that imprint on him.

1:24:45🔗 Adam All right. Well, whatever you want to say. One was just much more prone to cutting the dingling off. It's awesome too. She was stocky and had a beard and everything. It was great.

1:24:55🔗 Drew A few times.

1:24:56🔗 Adam You know there's some guy at work who's trying to afro him. Oh, no. Wait a minute.

1:25:01🔗 Drew Wait, that was before.

1:25:02🔗 Adam I got screwed up. All right. Take a quick break. We'll be right back after this. Here, buddy. You talk. Go ahead and talk.

1:25:38🔗 Drew All right. We've learned tonight that rape is not a sexual crime. We've learned that I don't have anything to say if Adam isn't talking, so we're going to go right into the calls.

1:25:49🔗 Adam What goes on that you can't kill 18 seconds on the radio?

1:25:51🔗 Drew I want to go to calls.

1:25:53🔗 Adam You know what it is? You got plenty of wind until somebody tells you to do it and then you got nothing.

1:25:58🔗 Drew Well, you got to engage your head and when your head isn't engaged, you get on the spot.

1:26:02🔗 Adam I don't.

1:26:02🔗 Drew I know. You just have wind.

1:26:04🔗 Adam I don't. Let me say this. We're sitting here listening to some classic TV tunes. Engineer Michelle, always a breath of fresh air, by the way, when she's in the studio. What a delight. By the way, compared to engineer Chris, I just lean a mop handle up against that board, it would be an improvement.

1:26:26🔗 Drew Come on, Mom.

1:26:27🔗 Adam Please.

1:26:27🔗 Drew Brutal.

1:26:28🔗 Adam Let's be honest. But the point is, he's not listening. We're cool.

1:26:33🔗 Drew Why do you say that, Corolla? Because he doesn't laugh at everything you say?

1:26:35🔗 Adam He knows I laugh.

1:26:36🔗 Drew That's why.

1:26:37🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:26:38🔗 Caller Are you that transparent, Corolla?

1:26:40🔗 Drew Anderson, you laugh again.

1:26:42🔗 Adam I like to replace you with a plastic snowman. Are you kidding me? How dare you? Michelle's the only one I like. What a doll.

1:26:51🔗 Caller A plastic snowman.

1:26:53🔗 Caller Why a plastic snowman?

1:26:54🔗 Adam I wouldn't even plug you in. All right, please. Just quiet down over there. Here's my point.

1:27:01🔗 Drew Oh, my.

1:27:01🔗 Adam What was I saying?

1:27:02🔗 Drew I don't know what they called.

1:27:04🔗 Adam We're listing some classic music, classic TV show themes. All right. I was watching Wheel of Fortune tonight. Yeah. They said here was the topic. They were trying to do the problem. Classic television shows, classic television shows and then it's like, there's four or five words up there and they get, they get almost every letter and I'm staring at it. I gotta have, what? I don't know, classic bonanza? No, I don't. Here's what a Fresh Prince of Bel Air and I thought, holy Christ.

1:27:39🔗 Caller You're old.

1:27:40🔗 Adam That's a classic TV show? You can't say that's a classic TV show.

1:27:45🔗 Caller No, I wouldn't say that.

1:27:46🔗 Caller That's 90s, that's not classic.

1:27:48🔗 Adam That's sort of 80s wasn't it? The topic was classic television.

1:27:53🔗 Caller I know.

1:27:54🔗 Adam All right, anyway.

1:27:55🔗 Caller All right.

1:27:56🔗 Adam What are you gonna do? It's like when I'm listening to our sister station here, the Arrow plays a classic rock and hear what I like about you by The Romantics. You're like, holy Christ.

1:28:06🔗 Drew Police or something.

1:28:06🔗 Adam It is an old song, but classic?

1:28:10🔗 Drew Gilligan's Island, Bewitched.

1:28:12🔗 Adam That's right, world. Nat?

1:28:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:16🔗 Adam You're 16?

1:28:17🔗 Caller Oh no.

1:28:17🔗 Drew And by the way though, my kids just think retarded. They don't think classic.

1:28:21🔗 Adam Wait, old music or old TV?

1:28:22🔗 Drew Old TV. They just go what?

1:28:24🔗 Adam People watch this crap. By the way, if we had had more than two and a half channels to look at, that stuff would have been immediately, these shows you had.

1:28:33🔗 Drew Wouldn't you argue that in those days when you had two and a half channels, you'd have to put good programming on those two and a half channels? Because you had no choices, there's no choice.

1:28:41🔗 Adam Yeah, well, let me tell you what TV was like when we were growing up. It was like stadium food, which is you can't bring any food in, you're not going anywhere, so here's your crappy corn dog, and by the way, that's six bucks. You're just screwed, because it's why communism doesn't work. It's just a horrible product. I mean, look at the cars they drive in Russia. You know what I mean? It's nothing. There's no competition.

1:29:05🔗 Drew You're right.

1:29:06🔗 Adam That's it. No competition. What do you get? You get my favorite Martian, and you get Gladys the Talking Mule, and you get-

1:29:16🔗 Drew My mother the car.

1:29:17🔗 Adam Mother of the car, and the ghost, and Mr. Muir, and Hogan's Heroes, and all those other. It's just crappy, just god-awful TV shows that were forced to-

1:29:25🔗 Drew Let's play something good.

1:29:26🔗 Adam Well, you read books, Drew. I didn't have anything but television.

1:29:29🔗 Drew Germany or Florida. Matt?

1:29:31🔗 Caller I'm ready.

1:29:32🔗 Drew All right, here we go.

1:29:33🔗 Caller An award-winning artist was arrested Tuesday after he attempted to throw a vial of his own blood on a sculpture of pop star Michael Jackson on display at an art gallery. The man was charged with disturbing the piece and property damage after trying to splatter blood on a statue by well-known Los Angeles artist Paul McCarthy, which is on display at the museum.

1:29:53🔗 Drew Okay. He's trying to throw a curve. Yeah, it feels German. We didn't hear about it, so it probably wasn't his country. People would have liked it here, they'll like that action. He's throwing a little curve with it being a Los Angeles artist.

1:30:07🔗 Caller Just happened, though. You may not have gotten it yet.

1:30:09🔗 Drew It just happened tonight.

1:30:10🔗 Adam Is it converse or is it an idiot?

1:30:12🔗 Drew Or is it really just plain old Florida? But why would a Los Angeles artist...

1:30:15🔗 Adam Nah, I'm going Germany.

1:30:17🔗 Caller I'm going Germany, too.

1:30:19🔗 Adam We're going Germany, man.

1:30:20🔗 Caller I got more info. Do you want to hear it?

1:30:21🔗 Drew No, let's hear the rest of it.

1:30:23🔗 Adam German.

1:30:24🔗 Caller I want you to hear it, though.

1:30:25🔗 Drew Okay.

1:30:26🔗 Adam Well, then just say it. Don't ask.

1:30:28🔗 Drew No, he wants to show us what a great editing job he did. So go ahead.

1:30:30🔗 Caller Okay, thank you. The statue, which depicts Jackson and his pet chimpanzee Bubbles, is part of an exhibit of contemporary art from a collection of a well-known businessmen. Museum officials said the artwork was not hit by blood, which landed on a nearby wall. The 55-year-old Toronto artist reportedly shouted, I am protesting against the loss of independence in art following the incident. Over the space of two decades, he has been banned from numerous galleries, including New York's Museum of Modern Art and the National Gallery of Canada for splattering X marks with his own blood on the walls.

1:31:05🔗 Drew He has never left the continent to do this.

1:31:08🔗 Adam I am sticking with my Germany.

1:31:09🔗 Drew He is a Canadian artist, not a German artist.

1:31:11🔗 Adam Go Florida.

1:31:12🔗 Drew I will go Florida. Go Nat.

1:31:14🔗 Caller Here is Germany. Nat, just happened in Berlin.

1:31:18🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:31:18🔗 Drew You talked me out of it.

1:31:20🔗 Adam Thank you for shoehorning the rest of that useless information in my already German declaration.

1:31:26🔗 Drew Repeatedly German. Let's keep going, keep moving. Here you go.

1:31:30🔗 Adam You want to hear the rest? No, Germany. You sure you don't want to hear it? No, no. Okay, well, I'm going to say it anyway. All right, German. But you got Drew to change. Weak. You blown the wind, buddy. It's a new theme song?

1:31:47🔗 Drew I don't know. Adam, what's up?

1:31:48🔗 Caller Hey, what's up?

1:31:49🔗 Drew 24. What's happening? Was that you singing?

1:31:52🔗 Caller I was doing a Germany or Florida tune while I was waiting for y'all.

1:31:55🔗 Adam Wow. Well, let's hear it.

1:31:56🔗 Caller No kidding. Well, I was going to play it. At the time, I cannot believe I'm on the air. I was going to call the show for seven days on the air.

1:32:33🔗 Drew Okay, we got 15 seconds. Adam, what's going on?

1:32:35🔗 Caller Okay. Well, anyway, I sort of have a neuronal problem where I think I have a low sex drive. And I also have sarcoidosis. I was wondering if maybe that has anything to do with anything.

1:32:47🔗 Drew It sure could. Do you want any medicine for the sarcoid?

1:32:49🔗 Caller Well, I don't have health insurance quite yet.

1:32:52🔗 Drew Oh my God. You know, your sarcoid isn't-

1:32:54🔗 Caller I almost got diagnosed. I didn't go back for the biopsy because I didn't have health insurance. And so-

1:33:00🔗 Drew So do they know for a fact? Well, sarcoid is what's called a disease of caseating granulomas. It's like tuberculosis without a cause of invasion. Or non-caseating. Non-caseating granulomas.

1:33:10🔗 Adam Did the doctor go, you have sarcase granulomas?

1:33:14🔗 Drew Non-caseating granulomas. Or maybe it's something else.

1:33:19🔗 Adam Well, Drew, what should he do?

1:33:20🔗 Drew Adam, you need to, yes, of course, you're ill. This could affect, and sarcoid is a pretty easy disease to treat, but it can get fairly extensive and get through your lungs, get in your central nervous system.

1:33:30🔗 Caller Well, yeah, so far, it affects my lungs. I'm a singer, so I'm, no kidding.

1:33:34🔗 Drew All right, Adam, get treatment. Please get treatment. Of course, it's having an effect on me.

1:33:38🔗 Adam Accomplished musician.

1:33:39🔗 Drew Maybe there's something else going on here, too, so.

1:33:40🔗 Adam You know what I like? I want to get into disease where they go, it's curable if it's caught late. That's the twist. You gotta put it off.

1:33:49🔗 Caller All right.

1:33:50🔗 Adam We'll take a quick break, be right back after this.

1:33:53🔗 Caller All right, guys, here's the deal.

1:33:55🔗 Caller You're looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person?

1:33:58🔗 Caller One call is all you need to make.

1:34:00🔗 Caller Call the Dateline. 877-889-DATE. 1-800-CALL-

1:34:16🔗 Adam Well, that's the week, everybody. Want to give some thanks for thanks are due. First, phone screener Brian for doing a wonderful job, phone screener Ziggy for doing a wonderful job, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Junior, Producer. Tell us her name, Lauren.

1:34:40🔗 Drew I'm Producer Ann.

1:34:40🔗 Adam Doing a wonderful job, Producer Ann, for doing a fantastic show.

1:34:44🔗 Drew Engineer Michele.

1:34:45🔗 Adam Yeah, the apple of my eye, Engineer Michele.

1:34:48🔗 Drew Engineer Chris.

1:34:48🔗 Adam Eh, of course Chris.

1:34:50🔗 Drew And then the plastic snowman.

1:34:51🔗 Adam Then I guess there's Frosty, the engineer, over on the other end. Engineer Anderson, of course. So, until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:35:10🔗 Caller And that's all I got so far.

1:35:17🔗 Adam The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station.

1:35:25🔗 Caller The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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