1:20🔗
Voiceover
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, Orlando Jones is in studio tonight.
1:45🔗
Adam
I like Alan and... No, Orlando, we knew from many seasons ago on Mad TV. And then, was it Mad TV to 7 Up to Movie fame?
2:07🔗
Yeah.
2:17🔗
Adam
That was really, I don't know, you're doing a little against type. I mean, at least for your other characters in most of your movies. But, it was a movie that, it didn't try that hard. I mean, it didn't get caught trying. It was just, it was nice. It was sort of the, it was like the black election. It was just a nice school movie. And it got you caught up in it, even if, even though you could have driven past that college a million times, never even turned your head to see what was going on on the field.
2:46🔗
Orlando Jones
Yeah, I felt like it was something that hadn't been done before. Right. So, you know, which I think was really the key for me anyway.
2:52🔗
Adam
Yeah, you know what? And it strikes me, too, that you can get people as involved in your plot as you get them involved. It doesn't really matter. There doesn't have to be a meteor heading toward the planet.
3:04🔗
Drew
No, no. But, you know what I mean? In fact, it's easier when it's a unique environment that you-
3:11🔗
Orlando Jones
Movies about the human condition. What a shocking concept. And not us killing each other.
3:19🔗
Adam
But I'm just talking about in scale. You can have a guy at an all-black college doing a drum competition, and you can get as into that as you do the Olympics or the seventh game of the World Series, if it's shot right.
3:38🔗
Orlando Jones
And the core story is really just about integrity and the battle that we all go through to try and have it.
3:47🔗
Adam
Father of the Pride is the new project that Orlando's working on Tuesday nights in NBC at 9 o'clock.
4:03🔗
Drew
I thought you had it. I will speak on your behalf, because you're not too good with the Tivo unless it's the History Channel.
4:20🔗
Orlando Jones
You know, Carl Reiner is amazing. I mean, he's obviously like an icon. He's sort of in the business. But yeah, it's John Goodman, Cheryl Hines, who, of course, is on Curb Your Enthusiasm at Carl Reiner and myself. But it's a lot of fun, the show. I think we really get to do stuff that people haven't done before on TV in a long time.
4:36🔗
Adam
VO work, the voiceover work, that is a good gig if you can get it. It absolutely is... Well, it's not Money in the Bank at the very beginning.
4:56🔗
I'm not too hip for the role.
5:05🔗
Orlando Jones
Not a lot, I don't think because we started long before a little of this happened.
5:09🔗
Drew
Obviously, that's the point. Once it happened, people go, oh, now how are we going to sell this?
5:13🔗
Orlando Jones
I don't think particularly because I think that this show isn't necessarily about Siegfried and Roy as much as it is about the animals that they rescue.
5:19🔗
Drew
Not only that, Siegfried and Roy represent, they're like not Siegfried and Roy. They're Siegfried and Roy. They're symbols of themselves. They're not even themselves.
5:28🔗
Adam
Every gay man, whoever, who collected animals, donned a cod piece, diamond cod piece, thank you very much.
5:37🔗
Adam
Yes. But I am with Drew because I remember thinking, I mean, here's an act that's been around for 35 years and then four months after you guys go into production, pow, a line turns on one of them. And I remember hearing there is a show that's coming out, would it be weird? And strangely, not been that weird.
5:57🔗
Orlando Jones
No, I think primarily because they're involved and also really wanted it to continue because their legacy at this point is sort of living on through this show.
6:04🔗
Drew
I was going to say even less than weird because people are sort of gratified at them living on Hole as we like to think of them.
6:22🔗
Drew
I just have to, I'm trying to be a voice of reality in the media spin world where it's, oh, he'll be running track next week.
6:28🔗
Adam
No, no, they're not saying that. I'm saying you were saying how grave it was when it happened, and they're doing interviews with the guy now, and he's progressing. I don't know if he's going to be even a shell of what he was before, but he's not hooked up to a tube.
6:46🔗
Adam
Yeah, all right, but he's, you know, he's progressing. I mean, he's not what he was. He's better than he was eight months ago. And he seems to be able to cobble together some form of a life. It's not going to be a bunch of, you know, put the Salisbury steak in the blender.
7:12🔗
Drew
No, it is. I'm, you know, God bless him. Again, I'm not fighting or not trying to encourage him. I'm trying to fight media and their, you know.
7:19🔗
Orlando Jones
I don't disagree with you. I mean, I remember when it happened, everybody talking about how he was going to progress so rapidly and, you know, that was...
7:31🔗
Drew
Stroke means your brain is gone. That part of your brain is just gone. That's the part of your body not going to work. That part of your thinking is not going to work. So you have to compensate. You have to learn all kinds of ways to compensate. But that's a different thing than everything coming back on again.
7:52🔗
Orlando Jones
I think it was, yeah. Yeah, somebody drove by. I mean, I don't know if it's determined that they were silly directing it.
7:59🔗
Adam
Well, there was a, yes, they were labeling it a hate crime because somebody yelled at them. By the way, whenever you fire at anyone, you yell fag. So, it could have just been an ugly coincidence. Yeah, exactly.
8:10🔗
Adam
Guys in Vietnam were yelling fag while they were firing M16s and the guys at Rice Paddies.
8:15🔗
Like you just yell fag when you start spraying bullets.
8:20🔗
They don't understand.
8:22🔗
Orlando Jones
You say that as if you've done it before. You're an aficionado on what to say after shooting.
8:26🔗
Adam
You yell fag and you just empty a whole clip. Also, they do one of those things like, here's the whole thing. If I was that big living in a town that small, I wouldn't have the huge initials on the gate. Well, I mean, it's a town where it's not exactly Los Angeles or New York City.
8:49🔗
Orlando Jones
When you have half the animal kingdom at your command, when you say sick them, you know it's going down.
8:54🔗
That's true.
8:56🔗
Adam
Who the hell? How much crack do you got to be on to hop the wall over at Siegfried and Roy's place to try to steal their stereo?
9:07🔗
Blixson, Tasha, Simone, Blixson, Donner, Dixon, get them. It's awesome.
9:13🔗
Adam
I bet nobody's, oh, they got to have like the world's most nervous pool guy. Like the pool man is like Batasu, Tarzanek and Tomosha in it. But this time the door shut, the thing slid shut, right? Because last time I had to go in the pool. You know?
9:33🔗
Adam
It's got to totally be freaky for guys who work. I mean, you got to have a gardener, you got to have a pool man, you got to have all these guys. And you got these guys, you know, Siegfried, they're wearing like the banana hammocks and they're running around, riding the tigers and stuff. You got to just become thoroughly freaked out.
9:52🔗
Adam
But when I was a carpenter, I'd go over to someone's house and they had like a mean dog. It was tense. It was like, okay, the dog's in the kitchen, so come around the back. Make sure the gate closes of the dog. Well, it was kind of weird, you know, couldn't imagine 800 15 800 pound tigers roaming around.
10:10🔗
You're turning your back to them.
10:12🔗
Huh? Freaky.
10:16🔗
Adam
The gardener has to clean up tiger crap. And I'm saying I got a 60 pound dog that lets a frisbee size load go. I mean, this is 800 pounds.
10:35🔗
I was waiting on you. Jesus.
10:38🔗
Adam
No, it's a small lamb, but it's sizable, sizable droppings. I'm just saying it's not 800 pounds.
10:48🔗
Adam
No, but seriously, a tiger, 800 pounds, got a crate. What did it eat? What did it eat for lunch? A pig.
10:59🔗
Orlando Jones
Hey man, it's the animal kingdom. He ate like an antelope for lunch, an impala for dinner.
11:04🔗
Adam
So it's like you're pushing your mower through Siegfried and Roy's backyard, and you run into one of those things. It's just an ass storm.
11:10🔗
It's poof, just brown out.
11:13🔗
Drew, am I right?
11:14🔗
Drew
I'm just thinking about the trouble of maintaining our grass for our little 40 pound dogs. Big brown spots.
11:38🔗
Because immediately the water just goes poof.
12:17🔗
Caller
You know that sex show that comes on, like Oxygen, that old woman, you know? My friend said she was watching that, and she heard something about guys having like an A-spot. You know how like girls have a G-spot?
12:43🔗
Drew
That is why these shows are dangerous, when people who don't have experience are giving advice about things they really don't understand. There are a few men walking the planet who do like that stimulation back there. They will let you know it.
13:03🔗
Drew
One of them. But there are those guys around, but they are rare. I mean rare. And if you start, I'm just tired.
13:23🔗
Orlando Jones
How do you even ask for that? Look here, baby. This might sound strange, but could you take the index finger?
13:30🔗
Caller
She said the index finger, like the two fingers, you're supposed to go up a little bit.
13:41🔗
Orlando Jones
I don't know, she sounds like she already tried. Tara, have you tried this already?
13:44🔗
No, no, that's what she said.
13:50🔗
Adam
Look, here's the reason why we don't have to explore any further than sex, because that's good enough for guys.
13:58🔗
Adam
It's no use. It's like saying, look, here's a Game Boy to play on the roller coaster. It's like, I'm going to enjoy this roller coaster. You know, here, here, use the Game Boy. And it's like, I don't want it. That's distracting.
14:10🔗
Drew
And if you need some sort of crazy stimulation in addition to sex, it means you're a trauma survivor.
14:17🔗
Drew
But usually, well, the flip-flopping is there, but usually the trauma survivor will need like, you know, something like out of doors or voyeurism or something crazy. But that's a dysfunction. That's a problem. You're dressing up in a diaper or something weird, crazy, crazy stuff. And yeah, fine. God bless you. You want to do that. That's fine. But that's not, oh, every guy's got this ace. No, no, no, no.
14:37🔗
Adam
No, well, here's what the popular wisdom is. There's a part in a man that the man doesn't know about. If you could just get at it with like a number two pencil, you're going to explode with passion, like some sort of secret button that you're going to push. Believe me, it ain't there.
15:15🔗
Drew
They want to think in terms of there being a spot. They're trying to find themselves because things that no, no guys have no spots.
15:24🔗
Adam
They want to do it. You want to do something nice. So I'll tell you, like I'm trying to think like good, simple, whatever, uh, put a porn on and we'll get on with the porn.
15:33🔗
Drew
You know what else? I think here's the other thing is even easier. Actually be excited about having sex with your partner.
15:59🔗
Orlando Jones
That's out of bounds. That's a step too far. That's right. That's R. Kelly right there. He was the guy who went a step too far. Let's get a bunch of girls.
16:15🔗
Adam
He'll wait till the chicks are in the hit menopause before he actually does some community service. Sarah? Sarah?
16:22🔗
Hello?
16:23🔗
Yeah. What's up?
16:32🔗
And I wanted to know like if you guys had any advice for me, like emotionally and sexually.
16:42🔗
Well, he tells me he loves me and he wants to marry me like constantly, but then when it comes to like actually like, like he used to spend the night at my house like every night and now he hardly does, probably like two nights a week.
16:57🔗
I don't know.
17:00🔗
Well, he works at night and so, I don't know, it seems like when I try to be like emotionally in our relationship that he keeps pushing it away and we have...
17:10🔗
Drew
Maybe he's one of these people that can't tolerate intimacy. Is he a trauma survivor? Was he abandoned when he was growing up or anything like that?
17:17🔗
I don't think he was abandoned, but he... I don't know, things seem to be going like really good and then once we get like really close, I don't know, we used to have sex like at least once.
17:42🔗
Adam
I'm not going outside tonight, you understand? I'm not going to get my car. They're sort of, our callers are like my dog when I put them in the pool and just hang on to them.
17:54🔗
Adam
And then once in a while you grab them and you sort of cradle them a little. And it's sort of like...
18:00🔗
Adam
So now, has this guy had any trauma in his life? I don't know, but we don't have sex like we would. You can keep asking whatever questions you're trying to and you just keep reiterating the part about not having sex.
18:21🔗
Adam
What's the strategy, by the way, of telling a doctor the exact same thing you've told him three times for a fourth time when he asked another question? Do you know what I'm saying?
18:41🔗
About nine months.
18:50🔗
Drew
Well, thirty and twenty-one is not the kind of thing that usually sort of coasts to a shop in nine months, particularly with the guy saying, I'm gonna love you, I'm gonna marry you. But it is the kind of thing where a guy at around six months gets so close, if he has difficulty tolerating intimacy, it's a problem. Is he extra close with his mom?
19:42🔗
Drew
But Sarah, look, there are people on this earth that you seem not to really sort of be tuned in to understand that when they become close intimately, they pull back. It's a very common thing. And it's not a good thing, it's an unhealthy thing, but there are lots of people that can have sex with somebody new, but once intimacy develops, then it's like, whoa, whoa, this is too uncomfortable.
20:13🔗
Adam
He's independent. Look, here's the thing. Show me a 30-year-old guy who hooks up with a 21-year-old chick and starts not coming around after about six months. I'll show you guys starting to head out. I'll show her Orlando Jones.
20:32🔗
Drew
We're going to assume he's not a sociopath. We're going to assume when he says, I love you, I want to marry you, he kind of means that.
20:39🔗
Orlando Jones
Yeah, I'm assuming that he just doesn't want her to go off and poke somebody else. So he tells her what he thinks she wants to hear at the time.
20:53🔗
Adam
Wait a second. So Sarah. You live alone? Okay. So what do you do? You strip? Let's see. Junior college?
21:09🔗
You're in, buddy.
21:10🔗
No, I go to San Marcos.
21:32🔗
Adam
The burro. The basketball stadium is a fan. And auditorium is a dumpster. It's got one side missing so you can get in there. But a great business school. People come from... All over Chihuahua. Come as far as... Xtapa. Xtapa, Chihuahua, and Mexicali actually attend their business school. Great law school, I believe.
22:04🔗
Drew
We're making fun of you because you're sort of stuck, you're not listening. And the fact is, this guy is either not a good guy, a manipulative guy who's controlling you with sort of I love you stuff, or he's a guy who says that and means it but can't tolerate it. Or both. In either way, you are both. In either respect, Orlando is right. You do deserve better.
22:37🔗
Adam
San Marco. From Father of the Pride, 9 o'clock on NBC, Tuesday nights. Take a quick break. Be right back after this.
22:46🔗
Your call will be answered in the order it seems interesting.
23:03🔗
Adam
Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Orlando Jones in studio tonight. Orlando can be found on Father of the Pride, Tuesday nights, NBC, 9 o'clock. And now it's time to play a little something we call Germany or Florida. Dave Navarro, by the way, in here tomorrow night. And then, ooh, Jeff Probst from Survivor. And Sarah Rue.
23:42🔗
Adam
He's one of these guys who's just built for the shirts that have the pockets with the little flat button over the top, you know, and the sleeves that roll up.
23:57🔗
Adam
I'm trying to think of, you know, the sort of, the keys to being built for being on safari. You know what you need? You need nice forearms, number one. You need like a little, little veiny, bulgy forearms because the sleeves are always rolled up. And that's the part of you that's sort of sticking out.
24:21🔗
Adam
No, you don't, you don't have to, here's what you need for safari. You don't need a lot of shoulder, back and chest. You don't need the big traps or the big delts. Or the lats. You need nice form and a nice calf. And you need a chiseled chin.
24:35🔗
Adam
Yeah, I thought about it. Way too much. You know why? Because you're gonna be wearing that rawhide choker. And if you have like a double chin, the choker just looks like hell. It looks like it's literally choking you. Yeah, so you need nice cleft in your chin, little forearm and some calf would be nice.
25:08🔗
Adam
Yeah, on the Late Late Show when I was hosting that for a few days. And now it's coming back to its home on radio. Jackie? Year 14? What's up? I forgot, I forgot, I'm sorry. I got going on Jeff Probst. The blood started going to my groin. I'm such a, you know, I start talking about the choker. Survivor fan. Big volcano eruption this week on Survivor, by the way.
25:36🔗
Orlando Jones
Are we talking about your pants, or are we talking about, I'm just trying to be clear.
25:46🔗
Adam
The, yes, Germany, Florida. All bizarre stories. All the macabre, all the occult, all the people cutting their toes off, frying it up and eating it.
26:05🔗
Caller
Okay, an actress was taken to the hospital after a man injured her breast while trying to cut open her bra with a chainsaw during rehearsal for a show. It was the worst moment of my life. I thought I was going to die. The woman who was also a former porn star told a newspaper. The chainsaw operator said she was lying down during the rehearsal and suddenly bent forward just as he was applying the saw to her bra.
27:01🔗
Orlando Jones
You know, I'm just not into fat porn, so I have to hope that it was Germany. So, well, she's big. You didn't cut her sternum.
27:07🔗
Drew
I figured she had a big... No, but maybe silicone type, you know, Minka style of silicone. All right.
27:19🔗
Adam
It's ironic that Orlando would go Germany and Adam would go Florida. We need some guy named like Helmet who goes Florida here just to sort of equal out the irony. So what do you got, Drew?
27:50🔗
Adam
Drew, by the way, you're wrong twice by saying C when she just says Adam and Drew. Do you understand how bad your instincts are?
28:06🔗
Drew
It makes sense in retrospect. In this country, you couldn't get away with dangerous stuff like that.
28:11🔗
Drew
You could get a chainsaw, get close to somebody's body with it, look at the liabilities and blah, blah, blah. No, no, no, no.
28:17🔗
Adam
You can do crazy circus acts. It's like a circus thing. You could do that. I thought about that. But they do like knife throwing and stuff like that.
28:36🔗
One more time.
28:40🔗
Yes?
28:42🔗
Really quickly, I just want to say I'm a really big fan. The last time I called in, I was 18 and I'm 28 now, so that's how long I've been listening. I know.
28:54🔗
Yeah. Emergency medical technicians summoned to the home of a grossly overweight woman. It had the usual problems with removing her inadequate stretcher and doorways too small, but there was a much more serious concern for the one 480 pound woman. She had not budged from her couch in several years and its covering had become grafted onto her skin requiring her to be transported while on the couch to the hospital. The couch had to later be surgically removed.
29:27🔗
Drew
I've seen cases like that. They're hurt up at the hospital. Really? Where the springs get embedded in the back and you find animals living in the peep holes.
29:48🔗
Adam
It was very uncomfortable. I don't know why my stepmother had to preside over the whole thing.
30:07🔗
Adam
We're all going Florida. Although 480, I don't believe morbidly obese in Florida. I believe they would call that fit. Yes.
30:26🔗
Would you like any lifelines, anyone?
31:15🔗
Drew
Santa Margarita is where Nicole's calling from. There you go. It's part of Orange County.
31:20🔗
Adam
You just have to explain that one part, why you're bringing it up. It's all right. Maybe in your 2050 year of radio, you'll figure that out. 30. Nicole?
31:30🔗
Yeah.
32:17🔗
Adam
I got to pace this thing. I got to pace this now. One went off at 36. The other one off at 113. So that's 47.
32:59🔗
Adam
One off at the. No, no. This is a longer one. This is a longer one. This one's forty-seven seconds. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying this thing.
33:11🔗
Adam
This thing should be one oh nine. All right. We're just looking at the clock here and trying to pace. That's her smoke alarm, by the way. That's her. That's her low battery. Now, get closer to it. Wasn't it, Nicole?
33:30🔗
Adam
Yeah. Well, no, they don't change. Uh-oh. No. No, there's not two of them. You don't have two of them going on. She was at twenty-two. No, we're thirty-eight. We're thirty-eight. They're always between thirty-three and like forty. Right?
34:12🔗
Adam
Now, here's where the comedy comes. I'm telling you, Orlando, people live in these houses. The smoke detector is not in the entry hall.
34:22🔗
Adam
Or the foyer. It is in the master bedroom. Or where she's sleeping. Or in their bedroom, oftentimes. And the average amount of time the thing has been going off is several months.
34:40🔗
Adam
It's chirping so audibly that I don't really even need these headphones to hear it. I think if she opened her window, she's in Orange County with a nice offshore breeze, we could hear it. And it is going on month number five this way. And I've said to Drew many times, this would drive a reptile insane. Do you understand? If you had a pet snake, it would go nuts. It would eventually just stand up and start, call her the C word and then yell, I'm going insane, you see?
35:19🔗
Adam
Don't make me slink to the 7-Eleven and get it myself, you see? You realize that? I claim more animal than person if you can sleep in that room.
35:30🔗
Drew
Yes, yes. On the other hand, the case I've made for you, Adam, the skill that you don't have is that unique ability to screen one's environment. That takes an amazing amount of skill.
35:41🔗
Adam
But it's an interesting thing that it resides on both ends of the human spectrum. The yogis who found such enlightenment that they could actually light themselves on fire and see no pain.
35:55🔗
Adam
And then the borderline junior college tards that call this show both at the spectrum of them not noticing anything, not feeling no pain.
36:10🔗
Drew
The amygdala screens things out of your nervous system. It screens out for novelty in the environment. If you're not able to appreciate novelty, well, you won't hear that beep every few minutes because there's no difference in the beep and the non-beep.
36:28🔗
Caller
Well, I mean, like when I first moved in here, it was, it does that, but I just, I don't even notice it anymore because my dad's did that too.
36:49🔗
Drew
She was born into a house with a chirping smoke detector. She moved into this house with a smoking smoke detector, therefore, in 19 years.
37:04🔗
Orlando Jones
If you meet another guy who has a smoking, a beeping smoke detector, marry him right there.
37:10🔗
Adam
Well, first of all, hold on, this is the coup de grace because this hasn't been going on for six weeks. No, this was happening when she moved in and has not been corrected. And by the way, this is another thing I've learned from now living with a woman. There's something about women which is if they can't reach it, it ain't getting done. I mean, they stick their hand up and as high as they can get their hand, that's where it is. There's no concept of getting here's why they don't do the smoke detector because they can't reach the ceiling. Women do not have the ladder concept at all. Guys, nothing but ladders. Half the guys over 50 die from falling off the ladder.
37:54🔗
Adam
Whenever you talk about one of your dad's friends, well, what happened? He seems to have cleaned in the gutters, soft ladder, broke his head, landed on his, he's a vegetable. Oh, I've heard. I got a friend, guy landed and then like rolled into the pool. They found him. Guys die on ladders every day. No woman has ever died on a ladder, ever, ever. You're right. What, what, they have women firemen. What do they do? Do they sit in the truck?
38:20🔗
Adam
They can't get, they can't get above the ladder. No chick will ever go up and get anything off the ceiling. Nicole? Yeah. And by the way, they could, they could see a spider, a size of a tarantula just crawling around and seeing they just sit there and watch it. They can't do anything. It's a guy's job. Got to go up there and get it.
38:47🔗
Caller
Yeah, I asked my roommate to get it fixed, but she just, she, she, that's, that's not a lot.
39:05🔗
Caller
I don't even want it though, because like I smoke in my room and there's no point in it. It doesn't go off when I smoke.
39:11🔗
Adam
But it's made, it's made not to go off for stuff like cigarette smoke, you understand. Otherwise it'd just be going off all the time. And by the way, Nicole, do you want it going off when you smoke?
39:44🔗
Adam
Nicole, we got to take a little break. All right. I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going to break the second thing, Chirps, again.
40:00🔗
Caller
Hold that thought. We're going to break. You ready, Chris? When you hear the Chirp, Orlando Jones and I.
40:35🔗
Adam
Spray that on. It's like slathering on the cuffs. You can't buy that confidence. That's Dr. Drew, Dave Navarro in here tomorrow night, Orlando Jones in tonight, Father of the Pride, name of his latest project, which is Tuesday Nights on NBC on at nine o'clock.
41:00🔗
Adam
When we left our screen and Nicole, Nicole's I'm just going to pop in to see when that smoke alarm chirps again. We're obsessing on a smoke alarm and neglecting her very important question. But quickly on the smoke alarm one more time, I was saying to Orlando during the break, I was saying, you there, Nicole, by the way, Nicole?
41:30🔗
Adam
I was saying to Orlando during the break, I said, could you imagine if you're designing We lose the timer then. I got it. Imagine if you're the company, your first alert or Coleman or the company that is actually manufacturing or you're part of the board that decides the criteria for manufacturing things. So it's like, well, here's the deal. It's got three years battery life, it has to have such and such a decibel siren and such and such other criteria. What if the battery is going low? Well, it's got to be a 110 decibel chirp that goes off in no more than 40 second intervals and people must have been going, oh, that'll send people running to the liquor store to get batteries. This would be impossible to ignore.
42:20🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah, it's essentially like someone pulling a diesel truck horn every 30 seconds in your bedroom. I mean, there's no, but here's the thing. It's like when they're breeding roach spray and they said, this stuff will kill a rhino. But then a few generations later, roaches started driving on this stuff. We've outbred humans for this. Now we've bred a human that is not bothered by the 120 decibel chirp that goes off every 30 seconds.
42:50🔗
Orlando Jones
It proves my theory that like if it happens long enough, Americans can get used to anything. Remember when the homeless was like a problem? All of a sudden that's no longer a problem. We didn't worry about that. There's a homeless guy who was outside my office and every day I talked to him like he lives somewhere. I'm like, hey, how you doing? How you doing?
43:06🔗
Drew
But the problem is for 10 years, we were arguing that homeless people were just regular people that ran out of money.
43:23🔗
Adam
That's not what I'm saying. We were doing the ramp where this guy, he has a family, he had a great job, he was working for Northrop until they closed the factory and then all of a sudden he smells of Boone's Farm and he defecates in his pants. These are drug addicts.
43:44🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah. These aren't guys who got laid off over at Grumman Northrop, you know what I'm saying?
43:53🔗
Adam
By the way, why must we do that as a society? And I know that's mostly the left wing that does that kind of crap where this guy's a hard working family man, after 30 strong years of working for GM, he gets laid off, pow, he's in the street. And by the way, you got a gig for 30 years and you get fired on a Monday and a Wednesday, you're living out of your car, you're picking out a dumpster, you're not doing a good job in financial management.
44:18🔗
Drew
It's again the BS of the press, that they don't ask the right questions and they believe whatever's on the surface and then they project that under the satellites and that's the story.
44:27🔗
Adam
People who are on the street are drug addicts or they have mental disorders or both. I don't know what percentage of them are factory guys that have been laid off or good God-fearing family men. I'm going way less than 1%.
44:40🔗
Orlando Jones
I don't know what factory there is in Beverly Hills but I know it's a lot of homeless dudes hanging out.
44:44🔗
Adam
Yeah, well the weather's got good climate out here. All right, so Nicole, yeah, got to figure out this question. So Nicole, you got high.
45:05🔗
Caller
Yes. Well, because she was telling me that she misses this guy who did it so good and whatnot. And she was like, you should leave because I'm going to please myself. And I was like, I was going to say something and she was like, what are you going to say? I was like, let me know if you need help. And she's like, all right, go yell at the kids and then come back and then maybe you can join us.
45:33🔗
They're like my godkids.
45:35🔗
Orlando Jones
Oh, rock on. By the way, my girlfriend's out of town. They better hope nothing happens.
45:47🔗
Adam
I said they better hope nothing happens to her. And by the way, a whole new generation of people immune to the smoke detector chirp. These kids are living in the house?
45:57🔗
Adam
They're living in the apartment with you? By the way, hold on a second. We are breeding, that's what I'm talking about, we're breeding generations of, you know when it's going to happen, when, here's the thing, companies now who manufacture smoke detectors, low battery, a big scissor arm with a boxing glove is going to have to come down and whack you on the head. Because the chirp, you think these kids are going to mind the chirp? These kids aren't going to be able to go to bed without the chirp. You understand? Like with these guys in their thirties, they're going to have a smoke detector with a low battery on their nightstand.
46:36🔗
Orlando Jones
The relaxation sounds. The sounds of the ocean, the rainforest, and a smoke detector.
47:02🔗
Adam
It'll be fine. Alright. Hold on a second. By the way, smoke detector is there to detect smoke so your kids don't burn in a... Yes.
47:11🔗
Adam
Orlando Jones here tonight. He's both amused and disgusted. We will take a quick break. We'll get right back with Nicole for another hour or so and then it's going to go into Rodney's show. She's going to talk to her.
47:32🔗
Caller
Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE. So get your problems ready. This hour brought to you in part by AXE.
48:20🔗
Adam
Nine o'clock Tuesdays on NBC's where you can find Father of the Pride and Dave Navarro in here tomorrow night. He can be found inside Carmen Electra as we speak, but he's gonna come in here and I don't know what he's plugging, but-
48:47🔗
Adam
I don't like, if a guy wants to wear nipple rings because it's its own sort of fetish and he wants to do it with his old lady in the bedroom, whatever, that's fine. I don't like the nipple ring guys when they're strutting around.
49:01🔗
Adam
Shirt off. Forcing you to sort of focus on their nipples. Hey, yeah. Oh, yeah. I find it intrusive.
49:21🔗
Adam
Yeah, now it's like I gotta focus on his junk. There's nowhere else to look. Yeah. And it's one of these things too, where as a society we laid out some rules and we didn't know that the people were gonna do f'd up things to themselves. So I was like, well, okay, women can't walk around topless, but now I'm staring at man nipple with the rings. You know what I mean? So it's like, I'm an atheist. So here's what I get. No boobs and a guy with a bone through his goddamn nose and the nipple rings. And for me, because I'm an atheist and I don't really subscribe to any retarded pie in the sky stuff, it's just flat out worse. I get nothing now. I get no boob and a dude with a quarter through his nipple. That's what I get. Quarter? Quarter. Yeah, just twisted and shoved through.
50:13🔗
Adam
I wonder, can we, here's all I'm saying. Is there a place where sort of a normal, you know, right thinking atheist could live, like a place where I could buy a lighter, cigarette lighter that I didn't have to use two hands to get lit, you know?
50:31🔗
We're gonna talk to them, that's right.
50:59🔗
Caller
No, I didn't even, like I didn't even think it was gonna happen. It was, I don't know why.
51:08🔗
Adam
Well, they could have went to the squash corridor, the library, wherever. There's a big apartment for us.
51:27🔗
Orlando Jones
Yeah, yeah. She taped Father the Pride for them to watch while that was going on.
51:49🔗
Caller
They actually had two separate fathers. One's in Miami and the other one's, and he's around here.
51:58🔗
Adam
It is shocking that first these were sired by two different men. And B, I'm now flabbergasted that one of them resides in Dade County somewhere. I am flabbergasted. All right, so just when you think you know people, Drew, pow, you get blindsided.
52:14🔗
Adam
All right, I would have assumed, I would have thought for sure it was one guy and he was in Israel. You know, but I- Two guys.
52:39🔗
Caller
I just, I wanna know, like, I wanna know how to be around her because, like, lately, like, she won't even look at me. Like, we talk, but she doesn't wanna talk to me.
52:57🔗
Adam
Wow, that one scared me. Well, I'll tell you what, why don't, why don't you have a joke with her about it? I mean, do you think she wants to do more of it?
53:07🔗
Drew
No. I think she's uncomfortable. But listen, it's why you don't violate boundaries with people that you have to live with. There are certain-
53:20🔗
Drew
All right, well, listen, try to restore the boundaries and make it clear to her that I'm not gonna ask any more of you. We all want things the way it was before. We have to live together in this house. Let's agree we're not gonna do this anymore. And you have to agree to that. Clearly your girlfriend or your roommate has got very poor and porous boundaries and she's somebody who sort of can't say no to things. And that's one of those people that's easily persuaded and easily manipulated. You gotta lay off.
53:46🔗
Adam
Try to convince her not to crap out any more kids for the love of Christ, would you please?
53:54🔗
Caller
Um, she, like, she doesn't really see them, like, like she doesn't really hang out with them.
54:05🔗
Orlando Jones
He's not the father of any of the kids. He's a new guy, the guy that was out of town that...
54:24🔗
Adam
And really, there's no correlation between a crackpot, a half-lesbo, nut job, sitting out kids and the same families doing it. No correlation in terms of the child's success.
54:35🔗
Drew
No, in terms of the child happiness, mental health, all that is irrelevant, Adam. How dare you?
54:47🔗
Adam
Two nights to sleep, I come in with a fresh battery and I'm pissed off, but I heard, who's the mayor of this crappy city? James Hahn. Yeah, Hahn has a plan, by the way, for speeding up traffic. By the way, he's announcing he's gonna synchronize some signals and get Wilshire moving or something like that. First off, when did the traffic problem hit? Was that over the summer or has it been 40 years? By the way, you got a plan? Oh, that's interesting. What else you got a plan for? Oh, you got something? Oh, terrorism, you got something for that?
55:25🔗
Adam
You got a plan, oh, interesting. So he's now gonna start doing something, but I just, as I was driving through my 50, 500 Red Arrow this weekend, by the way, times two, Owen Burbank, that's my favorite place to do it. Here's what I've realized, and it's been a while, so I gotta get people going with this campaign or they're gonna forget about it. Orlando, you can do it, you can be one of my celebrity arrow runners.
56:02🔗
Adam
Yes, but drive through the arrow if it is clear, no pedestrians, no oncoming traffic. Turn left just as you did or could have done at the intersection before that that had no arrow.
56:18🔗
Adam
That's right. Now let me tell you something. It's tough to drive through your first five and people are freaked out. I don't wanna do it. Drive through it and you realize you're home free. It is, there's nothing there. It's just air you're pushing through and you're home twice as fast. I drive through every goddamn one of them because why should I sit there and rot away waiting for your stupid arrow? And here's the other thing too. I just, I go, I drive, I go out of my mind in this city. First off, yeah, Han is gonna get the Fairfax and what? How about a little campaign? And we do nothing but campaigns. Let me tell you what Los Angeles does. Los Angeles has a lot of idiots from around the world and around the country moving to it. And we spend millions of dollars begging people that don't speak a lick of English not to fall asleep on train tracks. That is our big thing. Like, hey, yeah, if the arm goes down and the lights are flashing and there's a toll gate that popped, don't run the barrier and run into the blue line. The train's going 60 miles an hour.
57:26🔗
Orlando Jones
Yeah, that seems like somebody who's like armed and suicidal. That problem's going to take care of itself.
57:30🔗
Adam
It seems like it, too. We have lots of campaigns trying to get people not to climb over barbed wire fences and nap on train tracks, that kind of stuff.
57:43🔗
Adam
We got a big campaign about, yeah, 4th of July. Yeah, don't put an M-80 up your rectum and again, fall asleep on the train tracks. Could you not do that? We have unlimited funds for that, but there's no campaign that says shake your ass. Hey, hey, here's a campaign I'd like. Since everybody in Southern California comes from either another state or another country where evidently it's illegal to turn right on a red, how about a campaign that says, guess what? It's legal here.
58:12🔗
Adam
How about we let everybody who's a visitor and I'm behind all of you every day when I try to get to my crappy job. And I know you come from New Jersey and it's illegal. I don't know why, but it's illegal where you're from.
58:27🔗
Adam
Now I'm really angry. If you're in another state, if you're in another state and there's something that's legal here and it's not legal in your state, you got to take a look at it. Because everything is illegal here.
58:40🔗
Caller
Imagine the shame of being in a state. And that's all I would say, by the way. If I was in New Jersey and I was trying to get right turns and legalize, I'd say, hey, guess what? The fags in California are doing it. Are you kidding me? You kidding me? They got a law? We got a law they don't have? Put a gun in your mouth. That's the law that we have that they don't have because they got every goddamn law there is.
59:05🔗
Caller
We take visiting laws, you understand. We take laws that other states don't want and other countries.
59:13🔗
Caller
Orphan laws. Bring us your crappy laws. We write more jaywalking tickets than they write in all of America.
59:23🔗
Caller
I'm not even gonna count Asia because I don't even know if they have crosswalks. We got tickets for smoking on beaches. We got tickets for smoking on beaches over here. We got tickets for everything. Tickets for everything. If you're in a state where you can't turn right on a red, you better figure it out.
59:45🔗
Adam
And nobody who's driving seems to be aware of that. And that pussy, Han, who wants to get everything moving is so busy keeping people off their train tracks and not blowing their asses up on the fork of a line that he can't put an ounce, how about it?
1:00:08🔗
Caller
It's red, it's safe. Shake your ass. Right on the red. You don't want to build another railroad?
1:00:48🔗
Adam
This is a factory and we ain't adding any square footage to it, but we're gonna speed up the conveyor belt and we're gonna need all the employees to pay attention and pick it up. And all I'm saying is let's put some goddamn posters up in the lounge and let people know that we're speeding up the belt.
1:01:08🔗
Adam
Here's the deal. If you're napping on a red and you could turn right, you're getting a ticket.
1:01:14🔗
Adam
If you're that guy who likes to count to 10 Mississippi after the light changes green before you go, you're getting a ticket.
1:01:21🔗
Caller
And if you're the guy who's going 46 in the fast lane on the freeway, you're getting a ticket.
1:01:27🔗
Caller
Where's that voice? Where's that campaign? No, all we got is the highway patrols cracking down on speeders. Make the right. Watch yourself. In what state? What are you talking about, speeders? It took me four days to get to my goddamn mailbox. Four days. What's speeders? Speeders. You're cracking down on speeders. That's where you gotta go to find speeders. You guys go to Nevada. That's where you find speeders and not here anymore.
1:01:54🔗
Adam
They all went to Nevada. We can't speed anymore because no one's driving. Make the right. Make the right.
1:02:14🔗
Adam
I feel better. Let me just say, I'll calm down now, but I am going to say, you don't think that we could get the city moving 20% more efficiently through the enforcement of these kinds of things in an awareness campaign.
1:02:52🔗
Adam
Let's hustle it up. I sit at those red lights waiting for A-holes to turn right. Nobody honking. I'm six cars back. I'm on the horn. Not one horn. Everyone just planted. By the way, what goes on in this town that people have just unlimited time to either get to work or get home? Or what, what is going on? Is it all just the crazy cultures that have jobs where they don't have jobs, where they just nap all day, or they're used to taking a donkey, or riding like a three-wheel moped or something? Is that what-
1:03:31🔗
Orlando Jones
I just like, you're fighting, it's now, if you're supposed to be there at five, if you're there between five and 530, that's cool. Traffic, what can I do?
1:03:39🔗
Adam
Maybe bosses need to just start firing people for being late. Whatever it is that, we gotta put a fire under people in this city. And it's great work that the great James Hahn has decided to sync up the signals. And how come no one raises their hand and says, hey, genius, why don't you sync them up when you put them in? You're deciding now? Oh, that's wonderful. Why don't people start yelling at people? And what about this red arrow? How come no one says anything? How come, please people drive through it. I drive through every single one of them.
1:04:08🔗
Drew
Every GD1 of them. I'd love to hear from some LAPD and see if they've seen a little more of this lately.
1:04:13🔗
Adam
I pray to Christ they have. And let me tell you this. Here's why it's safe to drive through those arrows. Okay, I was talking about this with my buddy, the Wheeze, today when I was screaming at him about driving through the arrows. His name's the Wheeze? Well, I call him the Wheeze, real name Don. But here's the thing. Here's why, Drew, open your mind, put that pen down and focus on me. Okay, Drew, I don't need that. Focus on me for a second. And just think about this, think about this. Cops write tickets for, here's what I think. Here's the two tickets they write. The guys who sit there with the radar gun, the cowards, the vermin, who sit there hiding, hiding up the driveway of the apartment.
1:04:53🔗
Adam
All right, all right, Drew, it's not about you. It's about me. Okay, the guy, so cops write tickets with the radar gun. That's one way to write it. And then the other way, it's just, they're driving around, their heads swiveling around. They see something. They see somebody pull a maneuver. They see somebody speeding. They see somebody do something, right? Now, when you get a ticket, you won't get a ticket for turning left on an arrow because in the cop's mind, you're neither speeding nor are you doing anything. You don't see it as doing anything. Now you're a cop. If you're not directly behind you, you're coming the other direction or coming any direction. It just looks like you're turning left with a green signal when there's no oncoming traffic.
1:05:31🔗
Drew
You've got to give people the direction you normally give them is to look around for police.
1:05:34🔗
Adam
Look around, but now I'm thinking just look in the rear view because you will not stand out as doing anything wrong because the cop has been watching people turn left when it's safe and the signal's green for the last eight hours.
1:05:48🔗
Drew
By the way, the more sophisticated signals will turn green when there's no oncoming traffic, like it should.
1:05:53🔗
Adam
Yes, and the other direction is just gonna be green. So my point is, is the only way a cop could bust you is if he was right behind you and looking at the signal. You see what I'm saying? So everybody, stop being such pussies and do it, please.
1:06:11🔗
Adam
Please, and look, I'm not just talking. I do hundreds a week, hundreds. And drive by parked cars, by the way. The lemmings, the pusses, the people have nowhere to go that are stacked up, waiting for the man to tell them it's okay to go home, drive right past them. Go right past them. Just keep rolling. Everybody do it.
1:06:29🔗
Adam
Please, please everyone do it. And by the way, this is what you do with horrible laws. You ignore them.
1:06:39🔗
Orlando Jones
You got it, that's right. That's right. Rosa Parks. If you're black and Latino and you're listening, ignore this man, cause they'll be writing your ass a ticket as soon as they're looking for you, brothers.
1:06:55🔗
Orlando Jones
Yeah, get with the program. Like, don't be pussies, but brothers and Latinos, chill out.
1:07:04🔗
Adam
And enough with those rims that look like they're spinning when you're standing. They spinning, baby. They spinning.
1:07:40🔗
Adam
All right, and by the way, let me tell you something too when you do an acronym. You don't have to spell it right.
1:08:27🔗
Adam
All right, well, that's true, too. I still think it's one S. John, but here's the thing. If I'm correcting you on spelling, you better put a bullet in your head, Drew. Because no one dumber than me.
1:09:11🔗
Adam
Spray that on, it's like slathering on the confidence. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Orlando Jones is here tonight from Father of the Pride, Tuesday nights on NBC at 9 o'clock. Dave Navarro into our night. Drew has not come up with a good acronym for Hustle ever since he realized how Hustle was spelled. His first one was Shake Your Ass Foreigners, and I explained that that's got nothing, that's not even close to the acronym for Hustle. So Drew, what do you have so far? Do you have anything?
1:10:24🔗
Yeah.
1:10:28🔗
Caller
Well, I've recently got into a fetish. I find it erotically gratifying to wear women's clothing.
1:10:38🔗
Caller
I was wondering if that could be, well, I know it's not normal, but I was wondering if that's like psychologically unhealthy or if I could be like still totally normal and still be doing that.
1:10:50🔗
Drew
No, you can't be totally normal in doing that, but you don't have to be seriously ill and be doing that. Can you have relationships?
1:11:21🔗
Drew
I'm beginning to believe that some of this has something to do with how visual males are and that these experiences of terror in childhood around their relationship with mom, whether it's mom being overly intrusive or overly sexual with them, it's in sort of a covert way. Results in feelings.
1:11:37🔗
Caller
My mom was very close with me a lot and my dad, he wasn't around a lot since he was in the Navy and I was with my mom mostly through my childhood and she kind of believed in me a lot.
1:11:46🔗
Drew
There are books out there on covert incest. It's not actual incest, it's sort of a covert thing.
1:11:52🔗
Drew
Yeah, so this is her surrogate. This is her surrogate husband is the little man at home now. And that becomes terrorizing into a kid and the visual impressions of mom then becomes sort of emblazoned in the source of attraction later in childhood.
1:12:08🔗
Adam
All right, well look, here's the thing though. I'm not sure if there's a fetish cleansing. I don't know if we can deprogram you. On the other hand, you can keep things in check. You cannot spin out.
1:12:19🔗
Drew
And you can get therapies to sort of undo the sort of aspects. Again, you might want to look through some of these books on covert incest, covert child abuse basically is what it is. There's a book called Drama, The Gifted Child that talks about this kind of stuff sometimes. Look into this. Some therapy can take care of these things very quickly sometimes.
1:12:44🔗
Drew
You can and you can try to have real relationship which are truly intimate, but the probability is that his real self is sort of guarded and put away somewhere and you know.
1:12:54🔗
Adam
I'm gonna pick whatever one you look better at. That's my feeling with everything. If you make a better fill in the blank, that's what you should become.
1:13:09🔗
Yeah.
1:13:26🔗
Adam
That's bad. People from my part of North Hollywood make part of that part of North Hollywood. Yeah, they're cleaning it up though. They're getting it together over there. All right, oh yeah, close to the In-N-Out Burger.
1:13:49🔗
We had a good time doing it.
1:13:50🔗
Caller
Sorry, I've been listening to the show for a while and Adam, when you usually go out to your rants and you're done with them, you say it takes all kinds, but what do you mean by that?
1:14:00🔗
Adam
Well, it's an old expression from probably, I would say the 30s. Would you say it goes to the 30s? Could go to the 20s.
1:14:07🔗
Yeah.
1:14:08🔗
Adam
I don't think it's earlier in the 20s. They, it became very popular like in the 50s, but I imagine.
1:14:19🔗
Drew
It's a little bit Ozzy and Harriet-ish sort of comment or believe it to be, where it's kind of like, well, it's not, it takes all kinds.
1:14:29🔗
Adam
All right. And what it means is it used to just be the, here's what it was. It was sort of the punchline on the 50s and 60s sitcoms where Drew and I would be, no, no, it was even a cartoon thing. It would be like, one thing would be a couple of guys standing on the corner. Another guy walks by in the middle of summer, he's wearing a fur coat and a lampshade on his head. And the one guy turns to the other guy and says, well, it takes all kinds.
1:15:05🔗
Adam
There's a, it just, I don't know why it takes. I don't know why they say takes, but it just means.
1:15:09🔗
Orlando Jones
It takes all kinds of people to make the world go round. It takes all kinds of people to make a society. It takes all kinds of people for us to live together.
1:15:23🔗
Adam
But it's not, it's not that harmonious. It just means, well, there's all kinds of crazy people out there.
1:15:32🔗
Adam
All right, I'd like to see you get out of North Hollywood. Yeah, what high school are you going to?
1:15:37🔗
Caller
Well, actually we had this discussion about a year ago. I'm going to Cleveland High.
1:15:55🔗
Adam
All right, here's the thing. I'm sure it's named after a president, but Cleveland High, that is, but it was always confusing to me that there was a Cleveland in the San Fernando Valley.
1:16:11🔗
Adam
Yeah, yeah, it didn't work out well. I mean, here's the thing. If you're, if you got a presidential name that you want to name a high school after, it's gotta be in the corresponding city, like any Washingtons need to be in Washington, any Clevelands need to be in Cleveland.
1:16:26🔗
Drew
And by the way, why, a lot of presidents to choose from. Two Grover Clevelands? Really?
1:16:44🔗
Adam
Well, whenever there's a black dude who did something and I can't think of what it is, I go peanuts.
1:16:53🔗
Orlando Jones
Grover Clevelands? Grover was the dude on Sesame Street in a garbage can. Cleveland I don't know about.
1:17:10🔗
Orlando Jones
Yeah, I think he was the guy who lost popular sovereignty but won the Electoral College vote. I think he was one of those guys.
1:17:23🔗
Orlando Jones
No, that's what I'm saying. Popular sovereignty voted in another president in Electoral College.
1:17:32🔗
Adam
And in Los Angeles, by the way. Did he grow up out here? You know what I mean? You know, he's an East Coast guy.
1:17:51🔗
Drew
How about It Takes All Kind? You got the source of that? Yeah, it's just a bunch of websites that have different people saying that. So there's no origin of it.
1:18:00🔗
Drew
Don't look up Cleveland. Yeah, let me look up those websites. All right, take a right. You talk to the acronyms about hustle and I'm gonna go. You take four and five.
1:18:08🔗
Adam
Four and five. Okay. Someone has an acronym for my new hustle campaign. Go ahead, Joe. What's happening?
1:18:29🔗
Caller
All right. And then the life part's like for shake your ass for everything else. Right, right.
1:18:44🔗
Adam
Right, right, no, that's solid. That's a good, that's much better. You're 19, you're calling from Fresno, and you're way ahead of Drew.
1:18:55🔗
Adam
Efficiency, right? Efficiently. Oh, efficiently. Yeah, with the L-Y. Yeah, see, I would like to work an insult into the hustle acronym. I'd like hurry up spineless traffic losers. You know what I'm saying? I would like to shame them a little bit. Todd?
1:19:46🔗
Adam
That's solid. Thank you for calling in there, buddy. Well, that was good. I mean, we're normally profoundly disappointed by any time anyone calls with a suggestion or an announcement, but those were both strong. Drew, we got a heroin call over here.
1:20:07🔗
Orlando Jones
You want to wait till after the break? I mean, I'm not telling you how to do your job.
1:20:10🔗
Adam
May OD during the break, Drew. Drew's got to find out where Takes All Kinds came from. Figure out why we need two Southland high schools named after Grover Cleveland.
1:20:21🔗
Adam
Most didn't like or remember. And unless he's from the San Fernando Valley, which I highly doubt. I don't know. Find out where he's from. And maybe that high school isn't named after that Cleveland. Maybe there's another Cleveland. All right, let's take a little break. Orlando Jones is in a studio tonight. Man, is this guy smart. Knowing about the popular vote.
1:20:46🔗
Adam
And I mean, wow, that is sharp. We'll take a Father of the Pride, by the way, nine o'clock on Tuesday nights on NBC. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.
1:21:24🔗
Adam
I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Dave Navarro in here tomorrow night. Poly-Sci major Orlando Jones in here tonight. And he was just explaining to Dr. Drew and myself how democracy worked, actually.
1:21:42🔗
Adam
I know there's two things that were never really discussed in junior high or high school. The geography and the system for voting and electoral college stuff and house and senate and seats and all that never, never was discussed. But we had to focus on retarded things like cooking and learning to make...
1:22:09🔗
Adam
.Parmesan popovers where, of course, you wouldn't want to teach your students about how the government worked. Instead, you would explain to them how to apply Parmesan cheese to Pillsbury dough. That's important.
1:22:28🔗
Adam
Yeah. It's what you do with people who have been injured, gotten head trauma and stuff. You warehouse them. You put them in a group of 30.
1:22:44🔗
Adam
Timmy, don't hit yourself on the head with the pan. Take the pan out and put the grease on the pan. Now, that was my education, just standing in between felons and retards. You know what I discovered in cooking class? I'll tell you, everyone discovered that the pan fit in the sink almost like a piston fits in a cylinder and that if you filled the sink completely and then put the pan on top of it and pressed it down, immediately all the water would just come sailing out. It was those kinds of things.
1:23:15🔗
Drew
And that South Park reference reminded me of Family Guy and I wanted to tell you something. I forgot to tell you, Adam, I was at the UCLA game, football game this weekend, and lo and behold, the UCLA marching band plays the Family Guy theme.
1:23:30🔗
Adam
Hip. All right. So, Orlando here. Love that show. No father of the pride, but a decent animated show.
1:23:50🔗
Adam
All righty. Hold on, Wendy, just for fun. I know you're junky, but was that a joke or was there irony there or is that just?
1:24:03🔗
Caller
Well, yeah, because I'm going to jail tomorrow and I've got two felonies on my record. So I'm one of those felons in your class or whatever, but I've got two felonies on my record. I'm only 18 for six months.
1:24:26🔗
Caller
Well, I've been using heroin since I was 14 and I've been using drugs since I was seven or eight.
1:24:36🔗
Caller
My parents brought them in the house and it wasn't like they gave them to me, but because they were around, you know, you see your dad do a lot and you figure it's okay. So, I've been doing drugs for about 11 years. Well, I've been doing heroin for four years and for the last like year or so, I haven't gotten my period.
1:24:57🔗
Caller
But when I would quit doing heroin, like about six months ago, I stopped doing heroin. I got my period about a month later. Well, I haven't done heroin in three months and I still haven't gotten my period.
1:25:12🔗
Drew
It changes the dopamine metabolism, suppresses the pituitary release of the cycling hormones for your ovaries and...
1:25:31🔗
Caller
Well, I went to jail. And so, in jail, I kicked heroin. It took me about a week to kick. And, uh, because I was doing an 8-ball a day when I went to jail.
1:25:44🔗
Caller
I got abused by my dad for like nine years and that wasn't half as painful as the five days of kicking.
1:26:07🔗
Drew
So, your concern is you're not menstruating now, even though you're taking nothing. Is that correct? Nothing? No pot? No nothing?
1:26:14🔗
Caller
I'm actually on house arrest. I go to jail tomorrow and I'm on house arrest right now, so I haven't even had the chance to do anything even if I wanted to.
1:26:27🔗
Caller
I have to report to pretrial services. They don't even call me or anything like that. I could go anywhere I wanted to if I wanted to.
1:26:36🔗
Caller
Because that's EHM, electric home monitoring, and it costs $140 a week. I couldn't afford that.
1:26:52🔗
Drew
Oh, that's awesome. That is awesome. Well, you'll see a doctor there no doubt. And he's talking about the lack of cycling. It's not uncommon, though, for it to take six months to get back on board.
1:27:02🔗
Caller
Well, the other thing that I was wondering about is I've never had a pap smear. Could that be part of it?
1:27:08🔗
Drew
No, but you definitely need a pap smear if you're sexually active just to make sure you, you know, is controlled.
1:27:15🔗
Drew
Pap smear, they reach in, you take a speculum, open the vagina up and reach in with a stick and scrape some cells off or a brush. Well, because you can get cervical cancer very easily at your age. And if you have the ward virus, you will be prone to cervical cancer. And if you have the pre-cancerous changes, they can be cured.
1:27:35🔗
Adam
Yeah. If a figure five, a student who's a prodigy on the harp can handle it, the junkie can handle it. That's all I'm saying.
1:27:49🔗
Orlando Jones
Hey, congrats. That's tough to beat it and still be making the choices that you're making.
1:28:03🔗
Caller
Okay. I have two simple questions. First, I was wondering, okay, my boyfriend is 23. When we have sex, like, you know, like from the back or whatnot, he, like, if I try to put my hand back there or anything, he'll, he'll, like, get really upset and move my hand and say that it throws him off and he'll go soft.
1:28:30🔗
Adam
Oh, oh, touch yourself, sort of, help yourself along, you're, you're in doggy position now, right?
1:28:44🔗
Caller
Yeah, and, like, like, it's really confusing because, like, a lot of the time when we're having, when we get ready to have sex, he doesn't, like, try any foreplay or anything. He'll even try to put it in soft, like, I don't get it.
1:29:14🔗
Adam
Yeah, Kay, let's see. Well, hey, it seems... And is this your boyfriend? I know you're calling him your boyfriend, but is he your boyfriend?
1:29:20🔗
Caller
Well, like, we've been together almost a year or whatnot. You know, like, I don't know. Like, in the beginning, like, we used to, like, do things or not, but now he just... He's weird. Like, he won't even let me, like, go down on him. He doesn't like... He doesn't like to feel wet. Like, we won't...
1:29:39🔗
Adam
Okay, look, here's the thing, everybody. Guys who have too many rules in the bedroom need to be tossed out of the bedroom. That's the deal. The guys who have that, like, I like the... It goes either direction, the whole spectrum.
1:29:53🔗
Drew
By the way, women, the rules are, hey, listen, you're in charge. The guy listens to you.
1:29:58🔗
Adam
Here's what's in it for them. They get laid. They get a BJ. Now they shut up and they start going down on you.
1:30:06🔗
Orlando Jones
It's up to me. If it's not that fulfilling to you and you feel trapped within your own sexual relationship, you should seek out one that's more fulfilling.
1:30:14🔗
Adam
Yeah. And this stuff, although it seems like something that is just contained to the bedroom, we all know it's smacks of larger, more global problems in a guy. Show me the guy. He doesn't like wet. He doesn't like you touching. He's all weird. He's trying to stuff it in limp. And by the way, what's in it for him with the limp stuffing? You know what I'm saying?
1:30:39🔗
Adam
Let me say this. Speaking of stuffing, I was trying to. I got into a cranberry. No, no, I'm going to get my cranberry recipe soon. And holidays are coming up in a quick pie speech, too. But let me say this. I was maybe on two occasions this weekend. Once I opened a thing of multiple vitamins, I had to try to get the cotton out of there. Then with the aspirin, middle of the night, like hung over trying to the small aspirin when we can't get your fingers in there and I start putting like a ballpoint pen in there. Then sometimes you're eating your first or second aspirin or multivitamin. You realize, oh, yes, there's a piece of cotton stuffed in my mouth. Haven't improved on the cotton stuffed in there in 90 years. Nothing we could do. There's nothing. That's it. Just I got to sit there like some kind of just a raccoon trying to get it at a fish, you know, just I'm not sure is in any way necessary when like when we get samples of medication in my office. No cotton.
1:31:48🔗
Adam
All the multivitamins and the aspirin and stuff is still cotton and and I'm still like an idiot. And like I said, if it's a small aspirin thing and the openings about the size of a dime, you got your pinky stuffed in there, which just serves to sort of ram it in there a little bit. Shredding it as you try to shred it little pieces and then inevitably, like I said, you're eating now. Now it ends up getting caught on that little the there's like a little foil thing. The hymen you have to never fully get off. So that so there's a jagged edge that catches the cotton.
1:32:25🔗
Drew
About three days, about three and how many cumulative months have been spent digging stuff out?
1:32:33🔗
Orlando Jones
I think this may have been designed by the same people who did the smoke detectors, which I think is the problem.
1:32:37🔗
Adam
I'm just in a good callback, by the way, Orlando. All I'm saying is, is let's improve on that cotton. Let's do something or put a goddamn hook on it or something. Put something. But you know, put a tampon string on it.
1:32:51🔗
Adam
Put a tampon. All you need. That's just something. Give me, let me get it out of there.
1:32:59🔗
Adam
I gotta get tools out to get the cotton out of the thing or I gotta go get the shop vac or something?
1:33:08🔗
Adam
I have eaten, by the way, I've consumed the equivalent of a comforter. A California king comforter. Over the years, in cotton.
1:34:52🔗
Adam
Come back and plug that. So until next time, this is Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, throw it, please, please, then. Saying, mahalo.
1:35:02🔗
Caller
Turn right, you pussies! Right, I don't know about it. It's red, it's safe. Shake your ass. Right on the rail. You don't want to build another railroad?