Wednesday, September 15, 2004

1:09🔗 Voiceover Sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Listener discretion is advised. This is Loveline. With Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:25🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's the Loveline.

1:26🔗 Adam I'm Adam.

1:27🔗 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist, The Great Kevin Nealon is in the studio tonight.

1:37🔗 Drew I believe you prefer to be called Kevin Nealon, The Great.

1:40🔗 Adam The Great.

1:40🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah, it usually comes after.

1:41🔗 Adam Kevin The Great, you know his work from Cranky Anchors, and well, that's about it. No, of course.

1:48🔗 Kevin Nealon Even at the Improv as well.

1:49🔗 Adam Saturday Night Live. I read it every time, but I'm always surprised. He's the longest-running cast member in SNL history.

1:58🔗 Drew I said that.

1:58🔗 Kevin Nealon Well, not anymore, really.

2:00🔗 Adam Not anymore.

2:00🔗 Kevin Nealon That's an old bio thing.

2:02🔗 Adam Yeah. Who's beat you now?

2:04🔗 Kevin Nealon Pardon me?

2:04🔗 Adam Who's beat you now?

2:06🔗 Kevin Nealon Well, Tim Meadows has been out for a long time, and I think this year, Darryl Hammond will be.

2:11🔗 Adam Oh, really?

2:12🔗 Kevin Nealon Quite a while, yeah.

2:13🔗 Adam I remember you were saying a few years back that Phil Hartman was getting close, but Kevin put an end to that pretty... Oh, come on. No, no, I mean, he made it look like an ass. He's very protective, Drew. He has a certain territory that it's like he's like, he's like a mother tiger. You get near his cubs. Those are his cubs.

2:34🔗 Kevin Nealon You're talking about me?

2:36🔗 Adam Those are your cubs.

2:37🔗 Kevin Nealon No, they're not my cubs.

2:38🔗 Adam No, not his cubs.

2:39🔗 Kevin Nealon Those are my bitches.

2:41🔗 Adam Yeah, but not his cubs. Kevin, I'm guessing, is going to be...

2:46🔗 Kevin Nealon It's like you're looking at my work, a teacher looking at my work and grading it. Let's see. I see you have a Saturday Night Live here.

2:53🔗 Drew A job interview. How does that work?

3:00🔗 Adam Extra credits here. Where are you going to be? At the Improv?

3:04🔗 Kevin Nealon I'm going to be at the Improv in Irvine. Or out there in Orange County.

3:09🔗 Drew They seem to book some good stuff. Until this week.

3:13🔗 Adam Let me say this. We've had... What happened? You know, any good chain will hiccup every once in a while. Maybe this is it, and then Nealon pulls out, and we get a name in there. But here's what I'm saying. We have a lot of comedians coming through here. They're never plugging the Improv on Melrose. It's always the Irvine Improv. And I wonder if the Improv on Melrose isn't a money maker, or is it not big enough?

3:40🔗 Kevin Nealon Well, the one on Melrose is more of a showcase place. They don't really pay much.

3:44🔗 Adam Right.

3:44🔗 Kevin Nealon But the one in Irvine pays millions of dollars.

3:46🔗 Drew Oh, good.

3:47🔗 Adam How big is it? What is it? About 300?

3:49🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah, it's about I'm guessing about 350. I'm not good with size numbers. 8,000 maybe.

3:54🔗 Adam Maybe 8,000, 10,000?

3:56🔗 Kevin Nealon That's an arena. It's the first Improv arena. Nice.

3:59🔗 Adam Yeah.

4:00🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah.

4:01🔗 Adam The Irvine Juice, the basketball team would play there if Kevin wasn't there. That is Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Two big shows most of those nights. And let me kiss a little Nealon ass. Kevin, who I've seen do stand up in the flesh. I know you haven't, Drew.

4:22🔗 Kevin Nealon Drew, have you ever seen a comic perform?

4:25🔗 Drew Not since about 1984.

4:27🔗 Adam Yeah.

4:28🔗 Kevin Nealon And who was that? Do you remember?

4:29🔗 Adam Geechie Guy. Who did you see perform?

4:31🔗 Kevin Nealon Don Ho.

4:32🔗 Drew fourth year of medical school, I went to a couple of clubs and I saw Rosie O'Donnell at the Improv.

4:40🔗 Adam Bill Kirkenbauer.

4:42🔗 Drew But then nobody, anybody, no name, anybody would know.

4:45🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah.

4:46🔗 Adam Well, not everyone makes it onto SNL. No, let me say this about Kevin Nealon. And I've had I don't know who brought it up recently, but it came up just a couple of days ago. And maybe this isn't a compliment, but you know, when people bring up Kevin Nealon in a standup, they go Kevin Nealon's a really funny standup. And then someone else will go like, say inevitably they'll be four or five people. Someone will go, I know he's really funny. And then there'll be one person who goes, I haven't caught him. And then both people turn to him and go, no, you gotta understand. He's really good at standup. So there's something about you that doesn't exude confidence or competence or something when it comes to standup.

5:24🔗 Kevin Nealon No, I'm a very, very funny man.

5:26🔗 Adam You are. But your persona is sort of low key. Maybe you're laid back and people. You know what you're like? You're like that kid in high school that was a badass, but wasn't a big talker and didn't wear tank tops. You know what I mean? And then once in a while people go, Mitch Schneider. I saw him kick the ass out of Tony Correa.

5:46🔗 Drew Or he was like, he's like a downhill skier and no one knew it because no one gets to see it. And then, oh no, he's a championship skier.

5:52🔗 Adam Yeah, he's good. He doesn't talk about it. Kevin doesn't, you know, you got to pay him to be funny.

5:58🔗 Kevin Nealon See, I hate to have to live up to something like that. I like them to come and be surprised.

6:03🔗 Adam Or not be surprised. You know, but better better this way than the alternative.

6:07🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah, Kevin's not pretty good.

6:08🔗 Adam I mean, he's great off stage. He's huge when no one's around. Yeah, decent guy. No, Kevin Nealon, great stand of comedian. I've seen him on well, actually one occasion. But he was good. He's one for one.

6:21🔗 Kevin Nealon I have a couple of brothers and a brother that's a year older than me and all my friends and my brother, my other brother even says, Mike's really the funny one. You know, but the problem with Mike is he hasn't learned how to cultivate it. You know, it's more of the five beer funny, you know, with the cookies on the eyes, you know, being silly with the waitresses and stuff.

6:40🔗 Adam Yeah, that is, by the way, that every family that has a successful comedian son or brother or whatever, there's always someone else in the family that they're touting as the funny one.

6:53🔗 Drew Always declare that.

6:54🔗 Adam You know what you should do?

6:55🔗 Drew I'm not the funny one.

6:56🔗 Adam But you know what you should do? We should fire back and whatever they do, that's what we do better. Like my sister cuts hair when they announce that she's the funny one. Yeah, but I cut a hell of a head of hair. I cut hair better than that bitch. So come on, come on with it.

7:09🔗 Kevin Nealon I'm a better undercover. He was a DEA worker.

7:12🔗 Adam DEA, you're hell of a lot. Put the windbreaker on.

7:15🔗 Drew Kevin, look at that.

7:17🔗 The windbreaker.

7:17🔗 Kevin Nealon It looks like you painted on him.

7:19🔗 It's beautiful.

7:20🔗 Drew DEA's a laugh a minute.

7:23🔗 Adam Wow, undercover. Wow.

7:26🔗 Drew I guess you gotta have a sense of humor.

7:28🔗 Kevin Nealon I remember one time my father was visiting him and we all sounded like on the phone, my father, my brothers, and his partner. You know, these guys work with partners. Partner called my brother, who was out at the time. My father answered the phone and they thought it was my brother. And without even like asking, his partner started saying, all right, Mike, he's arrived out the airport. We're gonna go down and meet him. I'll see you there in a half hour. So I think my father's such a nice guy. I thought my father would probably go down there just to help out.

7:57🔗 Adam Did your brother, has he taken down any perps lately?

8:01🔗 Kevin Nealon Perps or perps?

8:02🔗 Adam Perps. Has he been shot at? Anything good?

8:06🔗 Kevin Nealon He's been in fights. He's got a knife wound on his hand. But that was from peeling an apple.

8:11🔗 Adam Do you say he was DEA? Wow. Undercover.

8:14🔗 Kevin Nealon He worked for the DEA. He was with the Atlanta Police Department.

8:18🔗 Adam And no more retired?

8:19🔗 Kevin Nealon He retired. Now he's a private investigator. Wow.

8:24🔗 Adam Let me tell you something about when cops retire. Cops retiring, you never ask when one of your mom's friends had to have some outpatient surgery. Pelvic surgery. What I'm saying is when a cop goes, I was with the Atlanta PD for about 13 years and then I retired.

8:44🔗 Drew Why do you?

8:45🔗 Adam No, no, no. Because it's like, saw my partner die or shot my old lady or broke down and killed a nine-year-old black kid who was using one of those hose sprayer things. It gets weird and it gets scary just like the mom's friend. She had a little light surge. I hope she's fine. Because the vagina, the ovaries, the parts are all going to enter in in just a matter of seconds.

9:08🔗 Kevin Nealon When he first started, he's a cop.

9:10🔗 Adam I don't want to know him anymore.

9:12🔗 Drew No, he first started.

9:14🔗 Kevin Nealon And he got a call that there was a rape in progress. Behind a gas station. When you get a call like that, it's a long rape. So he gets there, he goes behind a gas station and he's nervous and he sees the door open to the bathroom and he kicks it in and there's this older guy on top of this older woman and there's crutches there. And he pulls the guy off the top of her and throws him in the cop car, comes back to get the woman. And turns out it was the woman that was the guy who owned the crutches and they knew each other, two homeless people. And they knew each other and it was just a rendezvous for them. So he dragged the guy to the car not knowing he couldn't walk.

9:59🔗 Adam That's you gotta retire.

10:00🔗 Drew You gotta retire.

10:02🔗 Adam But then for the rest of your life no one asks with you. You know what I mean? It's like being some sort of judo champ at college or something like people just leave you alone.

10:12🔗 Kevin Nealon Oh yeah, he'll mess with a cripple guy.

10:14🔗 Adam He doesn't care for cripples. He's a badass. He doesn't care. Nikki?

10:18🔗 Yeah.

10:19🔗 Adam You're 28?

10:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

10:21🔗 Adam What's up?

10:23🔗 Caller I want to know like when I'm having an orgasm is there supposed to be like you know something that comes out to let me know I'm having an orgasm? I don't know if I'm having one or not.

10:40🔗 Drew You're not having one.

10:41🔗 Adam I use a little kazoo like character that pops up over my shoulder to give me a little hands up.

10:46🔗 Drew Dum dum.

10:48🔗 Adam You're having an orgasm.

10:49🔗 Kevin Nealon Isn't there a big O that lights up somewhere?

10:51🔗 Drew Somewhere, but you may not see it. But Nikki, no, no, no. You do not have to have anything come out. Most women do not have anything come out, but if you were having an orgasm, you would know you were having an orgasm. So you're basically not having one.

11:04🔗 Caller I get this, like, you know, rush of, like, blood to my head, and I'm, like, sweaty, and I get, like, this very intense sensation all over my body. But it's like, I just want to know is there something that's supposed, something else that's supposed to let me know?

11:20🔗 Adam Um, no, and...

11:23🔗 Kevin Nealon Your boyfriend should let you know.

11:24🔗 Drew Yeah, you're not having an orgasm.

11:25🔗 Adam Yeah. Here's the thing, you're 28, Nikki.

11:28🔗 Drew You're, like, we're talking to a 12-year-old.

11:30🔗 Adam Where are you from? Haiti or something?

11:33🔗 Caller I'm from Louisiana.

11:35🔗 Drew Mm, this... Are you Creole?

11:36🔗 Adam Creole, then?

11:37🔗 Drew Wow.

11:38🔗 I'm Creole. Wow.

11:40🔗 Adam That was, uh, that accent was born on this soil, huh?

11:43🔗 Drew And, by the way, she's calling from Indiana. Having just cruised up there this evening.

11:48🔗 Adam Really?

11:49🔗 Drew You're...

11:49🔗 Adam So you're from... All right, Louisiana.

11:52🔗 Drew Which is getting creamed tonight.

11:53🔗 Adam Oh, really? I was gonna suggest we bomb it. I don't know they were playing.

11:57🔗 Kevin Nealon Are they playing tonight?

11:59🔗 Drew Ivan has come to shore in Louisiana.

12:01🔗 Adam Oh, really?

12:02🔗 Drew Turn on the TV. It's all you see.

12:04🔗 Adam Yeah, I thought it missed New Orleans and is heading toward Mobile, Alabama.

12:08🔗 Kevin Nealon This is so much like guys. You start talking about orgasms. Next thing you know, they're talking about hurricanes.

12:12🔗 Adam Yeah.

12:14🔗 Hey, Nikki?

12:16🔗 Adam All right, so I'm picturing you growing up like on a swamp.

12:21🔗 Caller Not exactly on the swamp, but I mean, we weren't far from swamp areas.

12:28🔗 Drew What he's saying is that you seem sort of undeveloped, that you wouldn't understand your body a little better at 28. Do you have a boyfriend now?

12:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

12:35🔗 Drew How long have you been with him?

12:37🔗 Adam Three years.

12:39🔗 Drew Okay.

12:40🔗 Adam Does he give you oral sex? He does. Do you enjoy that?

12:44🔗 Adam Yeah.

12:46🔗 Drew Basically, you'll know we have an orgasm when there's a release afterwards.

12:50🔗 Adam Yeah, but not a release of any, you know, no pickets or anything.

12:53🔗 Drew No pigeons, no doves, no fluids.

12:54🔗 Adam Just a release of attention. Yeah, so let the games begin. No, it's one of those things where it's sort of hard to explain, but it truly is one of those, I mean, you know, we have a few of those in the society, like when you go into the Mercedes dealership and you say, how much is your car? And they go, well, if you have to ask. It's like, well, I'd still like to know how much. No, I got to cut a check. At a certain point, you have to tell me how much your car is. That's ridiculous. But I think with the orgasm, you truly do know. If you have to ask, you haven't had one. You would know, yes?

13:26🔗 Drew Yeah, absolutely. There's a build to irrational proportions that are released.

13:31🔗 Adam As a guy, it's nice to have the confirmation. Isn't it nice to get that diploma?

13:36🔗 Kevin Nealon Also, you know, it's hard to explain what an orgasm really feels like to someone who hasn't had one.

13:40🔗 Adam Yes, right.

13:41🔗 Drew That's right.

13:42🔗 Kevin Nealon It's like describing a color to a blind person. I mean, who'd describe that feeling?

13:46🔗 Adam Well, I mean, color, big afro, flared nostrils.

13:52🔗 Drew It's because it's a...

13:53🔗 Adam Are you saying, oh, you were... Okay, I thought you were being derogatory. Okay, I'm sorry. I misunderstood you, Kevin.

14:00🔗 Drew Because it is a specific somatic experience. It is what it is.

14:04🔗 Kevin Nealon Right, and if you use any more big words like that, I'm going to have to leave.

14:09🔗 Adam Kevin is modest, but probably, not only the funniest stand-up comedian...

14:15🔗 Kevin Nealon Arguably...

14:15🔗 Adam .currently in this studio, arguably the funniest stand-up comedian.

14:20🔗 Kevin Nealon There's a good word, arguably. I always wonder, do they have to argue to prove the point?

14:25🔗 Adam Yeah, and not only that, it's not saying much. It's sort of like when arguably the best stand-up... Well, there's many people that would argue vehemently against Kevin Nealon being even considered in the top tier, even close to the top tier.

14:38🔗 Drew But you could argue on his behalf.

14:40🔗 Adam I would argue back, yes, but I'd probably be beaten down by the roar of naysayers. Yeah, there's that one. They do that in sports, too, and they'll do that one. John Elway, as good as any quarterback in the league. Well, maybe better. He's got a couple Super Bowl rings, and he's going in the Hall of Fame next week. Probably better. I don't like that as good as. Not the best guy.

15:04🔗 Kevin Nealon I was in some little town in the south, and it was one gas station, and it was called Best. I thought, what a waste. You don't even have to use that name. You don't have to. Right. You said good.

15:15🔗 Adam You only need best when there's more than one of you. Right? I like that too. We're just going off on a tangent here, but every once in a while, I remember when I was in junior high and high school, and there'd be the elections would come up every year. There'd be the treasurer and the student body president. Drew was the student body president, by the way. Once in a while, there'd be some crappy gig, like secretary of the cafeteria or something. And they would run unopposed. And the person would still give a speech, which I don't agree with. And the other thing is they would always do that. Even though I'm running unopposed, I still need your vote. And I thought, no, no, you don't. Not if you vote. The worst you're going to do is a tie. You have to be, you'll be in. If you vote for you, you're in. You don't need my vote. It just means you're insecure. We shouldn't be hearing this speech right now.

16:08🔗 Drew They're afraid of write ins.

16:10🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

16:11🔗 Drew That's how insecure they are.

16:12🔗 Adam Yeah. I think North Hollywood High would actually let felons vote in their elections, too. A lot of prisoners writing in from Chino and other outlying prison colonies. Oh, wait a minute. Let's see. Let's talk to Jamie. Jamie, you're 17. What's up?

16:29🔗 Caller I have a blister on my vagina, and I was wondering what it might be.

16:33🔗 Drew What do you mean, blister? I mean, like it's clear liquid in it, clear fluid?

16:38🔗 Caller It just looks like a regular blister. Like it's just like the same color and everything.

16:42🔗 Drew Does it hurt?

16:44🔗 Caller What?

16:45🔗 Drew Does it hurt?

16:46🔗 Caller A little bit. Not really.

16:48🔗 Adam It's on the edge of the vagina?

16:50🔗 Caller Yeah, it's on my lips.

16:52🔗 Drew Mm-hmm.

16:53🔗 Adam You weren't doing that trick where you smoked the unfiltered cigarette down there, were you?

16:57🔗 Drew You got burned down there?

16:59🔗 Adam I had a girlfriend try it once. I mean, it looked funny. Was she a stripper? Well, what we did is we put some sunglasses on her lap and then put a cigarette in there. It was funny. At the time, it was a funny Christmas card, I thought.

17:10🔗 Drew Until she got burned.

17:12🔗 Adam Yeah, until she got burned.

17:15🔗 Drew You know, the Jamie Herpes is classically described as a grouping of a cluster of small blisters on a red base.

17:23🔗 Caller I've only been with one person for three years.

17:27🔗 Drew I'm just saying. If you want to know what a blister is, that's the one thing you worry about. Otherwise, it could be just...

17:31🔗 Adam Herpes Leisuremen.

17:32🔗 Kevin Nealon Can I also offer something, Dr. Drew?

17:34🔗 Drew Yeah.

17:35🔗 Kevin Nealon Do you wear tight jeans? Without underwear?

17:40🔗 Drew Sometimes.

17:40🔗 Kevin Nealon There you go. That could be it.

17:43🔗 Adam A Kevin Ressendors penis.

17:44🔗 Drew Well, there are inclusion cysts and things like that where glands can sort of get clogged and swell. It may just be something like that. So you need to have a doctor take a look at it. And be sure to do it while it's still there, because these things are clinically diagnosed. There's no test for them. It depends how they look.

17:58🔗 Kevin Nealon I'm sticking with the jeans.

17:59🔗 Adam All right.

18:00🔗 Kevin Nealon Did you wear jeans in the last few days? Tight?

18:03🔗 Adam Yeah.

18:04🔗 Kevin Nealon I wouldn't worry about it.

18:05🔗 Adam Nealon knows.

18:06🔗 Kevin Nealon Go have fun.

18:06🔗 Adam Kevin is a guy who rarely wears underpants and almost always wears very tight jeans. Kevin seems to think that's the answer.

18:15🔗 Kevin Nealon Sergio Valente jeans. Designer jeans.

18:18🔗 Adam Thank Christ we're not packing our prodigious sacks and belly rolls into those things now. What a disaster. What did 45 year old guys do by the way in 1977? They just had to shoehorn their junk into those jeans? I guess if you were single you had to do that.

18:38🔗 Drew Well not everyone screwed up heads towards Mecca like yours.

18:41🔗 Adam Yeah.

18:42🔗 Drew Yours is a...

18:42🔗 Adam It's prominent. What can I say?

18:44🔗 Kevin Nealon I loved it when Levi's came out. Was it Levi's that came out with a relaxed fit?

18:48🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh yeah. And then the ones with the scotch more room and the seat and thigh. Perfect. Yeah. Nice. But the problem is now I only feel comfortable if I'm wearing a bedsheet. And half a pair of underpants to leave the house. Yeah I really do. I leave the house just wearing a toga and flip flops. The idea of just wearing 501s feels confining now. It's really weird. It's like I got to wear sweatpants. I got to wear just a towel around my waist.

19:20🔗 Kevin Nealon But that's what Rodney Dangerfield always does. He would show up to the clubs wearing pajamas.

19:24🔗 Drew Is that right?

19:25🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah.

19:25🔗 Adam Or a bathrobe.

19:27🔗 Adam You remember when Dangerfield did our show?

19:30🔗 Drew Yeah.

19:30🔗 Adam We did the TV show. Oh by the way, Rodney Dangerfield, for those of you who haven't met him in person, a delight. A delight.

19:38🔗 Hey, how you doing?

19:40🔗 Drew A delightful prank. Yeah.

19:44🔗 Kevin Nealon I worked on a movie with him a couple of years ago and I said how are you doing, Rodney? And he looked at me and he goes, I'm coughing up blood now. He was serious. And a week later he had his heart surgery.

20:00🔗 Adam Here's the thing about Dangerfield. The guys looked at as a bit of a living legend in this business. Everyone I've ever talked to about him says he's a colossal prick, including myself who's met him a couple of times and found him to be a horrible man.

20:15🔗 Kevin Nealon I've never experienced that with him.

20:16🔗 Adam I think you have.

20:17🔗 Kevin Nealon He's always been nice to me.

20:18🔗 Adam No he hasn't.

20:19🔗 Kevin Nealon All right.

20:19🔗 Adam No he hasn't. Well we met him, well when he did the TV show by the way.

20:23🔗 Drew Well he was not an offensive guy, he just wasn't sort of connected.

20:26🔗 Adam Jackass. I think it's fair to say.

20:28🔗 Drew Blowhard.

20:28🔗 Adam Let's put it this way. When he did the Loveline TV show, he was in his dressing room. I decided to go in there and greet him before he came on to the show and just you know kick the tires a little bit. So I came in. He's sitting on the sofa with that crazy Buddha belly hanging out of his bathrobe and sure enough he is in his pajama. Often times he just wears a bathrobe places by the way. And he has.

20:57🔗 Drew He should be your idol. What are you talking about?

20:59🔗 You're describing your future Corolla.

21:03🔗 Adam He's the idol of many Chinese because he had the gut, just a gut sticking out in the belly button that just looked like a doorbell. Just pow, just like a Biafran kid.

21:17🔗 Kevin Nealon I see a lot of older guys with a big gut and I wonder how do they live with that? I know how it happens. I don't know how it stays there.

21:26🔗 Adam Well I guess you start wearing a bathrobe around. So he was sitting there and he was very glassy eyed. I came in there and I said hey Rodney, I just want to introduce myself. Then he went who are you? I was like I'm the host. What do you want? I was like it's good to see you. Come on the show. Yeah okay whatever. Then he came on the show. After the show we do those quick wrap around things where it's like everyone leaves and they do hi I'm Rodney Dangerfield. Catch me after Real World on MTV's Loveline. He wouldn't do them. He wouldn't. He said Rodney it's gonna take 30 seconds. I said nah not gonna do it. Like we could have been done by now. Now I gotta get a haircut.

22:05🔗 Drew Dude this guy is your idol.

22:06🔗 Adam He had to get a haircut. Do you remember that? He had to get a haircut.

22:10🔗 Drew He just got up and left.

22:11🔗 Adam He just got up and left. Alright so listen. He was a prick. I mean let's face it. I'm just saying here's all I'm saying and not all that funny by the way either.

22:18🔗 Kevin Nealon How long ago was that?

22:20🔗 Adam Oh man five six years ago.

22:22🔗 Kevin Nealon Okay maybe the heart attack changed him.

22:24🔗 Adam He's a nice guy now.

22:25🔗 Kevin Nealon I've always had a nice experience with him.

22:26🔗 Adam Really? No.

22:28🔗 Kevin Nealon Oh and I like get back rubs and everything from the man.

22:30🔗 Adam Alright we're gonna take a break. Kevin Nealon is gonna tell me off the air what kind of real experience he had with Ronnie Dangerfield or I will not plug his appearances coming up at the Braya Improv.

22:42🔗 Kevin Nealon Maybe he wasn't being nice because he wasn't getting respect.

22:46🔗 Adam Oh.

22:47🔗 Kevin Nealon Did he say anything about not getting respect?

22:49🔗 Adam No but he did grab a tie and he almost choked himself because he was wearing a bathrobe. All right we're gonna take a little break. Kevin Nealon at the Braya Improv Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

22:57🔗 Kevin Nealon No that's the Irvine Improv.

22:58🔗 Adam Oh Irvine.

22:59🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah that's right.

23:00🔗 Adam Sorry.

23:00🔗 Kevin Nealon Irvine.

23:00🔗 Adam Is there a Braya? Am I making that up?

23:02🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah there is a Braya. They're the same thing. They're just out in Orange County.

23:05🔗 Adam Is it a different place?

23:06🔗 Kevin Nealon It is.

23:06🔗 Drew We were talking about Braya last night.

23:08🔗 Adam Oh is that? Was someone there?

23:09🔗 Drew Nicky Zerrin is from Braya.

23:10🔗 Kevin Nealon This one's Irvine.

23:12🔗 Adam Or Braya is uh. She pronounces it. All right anyway. Irvine Improv Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. He's basically arguably the best stand up comedian in this room, Drew. All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

23:27🔗 Adam Well I'll tell you what sweetheart.

23:28🔗 Kevin Nealon I think I'll have the french fries bitch and orange also give me uh the hammocker whore and I don't think I'll take any catch up with that.

24:04🔗 Adam Hey everybody, it's Love Line.

24:05🔗 Adam I'm Adam. Kevin Nealon, arguably one of the funniest stand-up comics working in the Irvine Improv this Thursday fri- Saturday and Sunday, two big shows, by the way, on Friday and Saturday. Yeah. I'll tell you, you got to see him do stand-up. You really do. You don't need to see the whole act, but you should just catch the beginning part.

24:34🔗 Kevin Nealon One of the best arguers around. No, arguably.

24:37🔗 Adam Arguably, one of the best arguers.

24:39🔗 Drew Literally.

24:39🔗 Adam Literally. Yeah. Oh, my God. I was just watching TV tonight and they did that thing where they go, and the shortstop, literally, he came from nowhere, got the ball and threw it up. He literally came from nowhere. He literally, literally, he came. And it's like, I just like, if I see another person go, I literally, I jumped out of my skin. I literally, I literally, I literally jumped out of my skin.

25:05🔗 Drew There was.

25:06🔗 Adam There was. Just as if I'd shed my clothing. I literally jumped out of my skin.

25:12🔗 Kevin Nealon You know what's another word that's kind of misconstrued is the enormity of a situation. It doesn't mean big.

25:21🔗 Adam Oh really?

25:21🔗 Kevin Nealon No.

25:21🔗 Drew What does it mean?

25:22🔗 Kevin Nealon It should mean. Like an evil connotation.

25:24🔗 Drew Oh is there?

25:25🔗 Adam Oh really is. Oh, I didn't know that.

25:27🔗 Kevin Nealon So I gotta tell you, I really got ripped away from a good TV show tonight to come down here. Maria Shriver, entering.

25:33🔗 Drew I was just watching it.

25:34🔗 Kevin Nealon Roy and.

25:35🔗 Adam Yes.

25:35🔗 Kevin Nealon Secret and Roy.

25:36🔗 Adam Oh really? What do you think?

25:38🔗 Kevin Nealon Roy's in the chair.

25:39🔗 Drew Well it's what I expected. People were like, oh he's made great progress. He's hemi-paretic, he's just gone on one side.

25:44🔗 Adam He's hemi-paretic.

25:45🔗 Drew Gone on one side.

25:46🔗 Kevin Nealon Means he's got a hemi coming out of his head.

25:48🔗 Drew He's just gone on one side.

25:49🔗 Adam You mean hemisphere, paralysis in one hemisphere of the brain.

25:53🔗 Drew Yeah, well one half of the body completely.

25:55🔗 Adam Hemi-paretic. See, break it down.

25:57🔗 Kevin Nealon Hemi-paretic.

25:57🔗 Adam Yeah. Thank God North Hollywood High had that Latin program for me, I studied very hard.

26:03🔗 Drew But I mean this whole list of hosts coming back is looking like he'll be doing magic in no time. How'd it look to you, Kevin?

26:10🔗 Kevin Nealon It looked pretty bad.

26:11🔗 Drew Yeah, sad.

26:11🔗 Adam Was he speaking? Was he able to speak?

26:13🔗 Kevin Nealon He was speaking, but he was speaking as if he was recovering from a stroke. Am I right, Drew?

26:17🔗 Adam Right.

26:18🔗 Drew That would be about what's happening, I'd say.

26:19🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah, that's good.

26:20🔗 Adam The good news with the gay guys and the neck injuries is they're prone to scarf wearing anyway. So it's always, you know, it's very-

26:27🔗 Drew And the triple-lac too, or it goes very nicely with that.

26:29🔗 Adam It's smart. In general, with hickeys.

26:31🔗 Drew Dickies, dickies.

26:32🔗 Adam With line attacks, whatever happens. It's a good idea to sort of, it's like a guy who's not bald wearing a baseball cap early in his career. So later on when the hair falls out, everyone knows he's got the cap.

26:45🔗 Drew The problem here though is clearly not the neck injury. Massive stroke, massive.

26:49🔗 Kevin Nealon They were showing-

26:49🔗 Drew His brain is gone basically.

26:50🔗 Adam Well now what happened?

26:52🔗 Kevin Nealon I'll tell you exactly what happened because I was watching part of it before I came down here. He came out like he does every night with Montevaney, whatever the tires-

27:00🔗 Drew Montagor.

27:00🔗 Kevin Nealon Montagor, yeah, the white tire.

27:02🔗 Adam Right.

27:03🔗 Kevin Nealon And comes out and introduces it to the audience and says this is his first night, you know, and he's a little nervous. And it's not really his first night. He's been doing it for, you know, 3000 shows.

27:13🔗 Adam Right.

27:14🔗 Kevin Nealon And for some reason on this night, Montagor-

27:18🔗 Adam Hold on, is this your act or is this-

27:20🔗 Kevin Nealon No, no, I'm just-

27:21🔗 Adam This really what happened. I thought we were, look, a little preview for the- No, I thought you actually came out with- No, this is what-

27:28🔗 Kevin Nealon I actually come out with Montagor too.

27:29🔗 Adam Right.

27:30🔗 Drew A different thing.

27:32🔗 Kevin Nealon Anyway, for some reason, the tiger bit onto his arm and he told the tiger to release his arm and he did, but as he did, he fell backwards. Roy fell backwards onto the stage and the tiger, I guess trying to help him, picked him up by the neck. There was no screaming by Roy. He just kind of went limp and the tiger just nonchalantly dragged him, carried him off stage. It's like a baby cub.

27:56🔗 Adam Drag him and then release him?

27:57🔗 Kevin Nealon There was no blood, nothing. And they, backstage, he, you know, they let him, somehow they got him out of there.

28:05🔗 Adam Did he release him? I mean, we've heard this story before.

28:11🔗 Drew No, no, he didn't grab him and shake him.

28:13🔗 Kevin Nealon No.

28:13🔗 Drew I mean, he wasn't trying to destroy him.

28:15🔗 Adam Yeah, well, I mean, one could argue that if the tiger was going to maul him, he would need 700,000 stitches, right? I mean, he'd be...

28:23🔗 Drew Done.

28:23🔗 Adam Although, I would have those things declawed almost immediately, by the way.

28:27🔗 Kevin Nealon Here's the big thing, by the way. The story was really supposed to be about Siegfried and Roy, but they were touting it as Maria Shriver coming back to TV, the first lady of the Governor of California.

28:38🔗 Drew Really?

28:39🔗 Adam Wow.

28:39🔗 Kevin Nealon So, you know, some guy miraculously recovers from a tiger attack. It's in the wheelchair, but yet it's really about Maria.

28:45🔗 Adam Well, now, so...

28:46🔗 Drew They had a stroke, then they had a carotid artery or something, a stroke.

28:49🔗 Adam So the tiger, okay, so the tiger punctures the artery in the neck. And by the way, if you ever get one of those full-size tires and sort of peel the lip back and take a look at that tooth, I mean, you've seen the, you know, seen the guidos with the shark tooth in New Jersey. I mean, this thing is incredible. You know, this thing looks like a three-inch dagger.

29:09🔗 Kevin Nealon It's like an elephant's...

29:11🔗 Adam Tusk, yeah. So, that punctures the artery, and the supply of blood to the brain is cut off? Is that what happens?

29:20🔗 Drew Is that another told story? I imagine that's it.

29:22🔗 Kevin Nealon I don't know the exact details. I assume that's what it was, a carotid artery or something.

29:26🔗 Adam And then he has a stroke.

29:27🔗 Drew Right.

29:28🔗 Adam Now, is that what happens when blood is cut off to the brain?

29:30🔗 Drew Yeah, your brain dies. That part of your brain just dies.

29:32🔗 Kevin Nealon That's why you should take an aspirin every day.

29:34🔗 Adam Can it come back?

29:35🔗 Drew No, brain is over. That's just part of your, half your head's gone.

29:38🔗 Kevin Nealon Well, how come people that have strokes can relearn to talk again? That's the other side of their brain?

29:42🔗 Drew No, they'll never be the same.

29:44🔗 Kevin Nealon No.

29:45🔗 Drew They're just using other areas, they're bypassing some, but those are small strokes they learn to talk in. I mean, when they're...

29:50🔗 Adam Those are tremors, those are big earthquakes.

29:52🔗 Drew Yeah, you have a big, what are called middle cerebral artery event, it's just, you're not the same.

29:57🔗 Adam Are you a real doctor or just a love doctor?

30:02🔗 Kevin Nealon How will I know if I have a stroke?

30:04🔗 Drew You won't.

30:05🔗 Kevin Nealon We will, we'll tell you.

30:07🔗 Adam You'll only be doing three shows at Derr Vinyar Prov instead of four nights.

30:12🔗 Drew So he had a left-sided stroke, right? And...

30:14🔗 Adam Hold on, Kevin, you gotta do... Okay, it's time. It's time. Here's what I'm saying. For a while in the 80s, it was invoked to have these sort of handy-capable comedians. I saw them on, you know, like the Facts of Life. And there was a handful of comedians out there that were deaf and had, you know, speech impediments and had like cerebral palsy and stuff like that. You do Nealon stroked out.

30:41🔗 Drew Oh, man.

30:41🔗 Adam Kevin Nealon with a stroke.

30:44🔗 Drew That'd be hysterical.

30:44🔗 Adam He's continuing to go on.

30:45🔗 Drew That'd be so funny. But he...

30:48🔗 Adam That would be great comedy.

30:49🔗 Drew He had a left, as I recall, his left side was out. So he speaks, his language was intact.

30:53🔗 Kevin Nealon He's like Kurt Douglas.

30:54🔗 Drew Language was intact. But he has what's called anasognosia. And so everything on the left gets ignored. Left doesn't exist for them. It's a very strange state.

31:03🔗 Adam Really?

31:04🔗 Kevin Nealon So he knows nothing about the Democrats.

31:06🔗 Adam No, only wrong. So if you have a stroke, and it's just luck of the draw, what part of your brain it affects?

31:14🔗 Drew Basically.

31:15🔗 Adam Basically.

31:16🔗 Drew I mean, if you...

31:16🔗 Adam And you could have a stroke that didn't affect your speech, per se, but it-

31:19🔗 Drew Well, speech is all right side. Right.

31:22🔗 Adam So it affects your left side. I mean, his left side is affected.

31:27🔗 Drew When I say right side, I mean I'm gonna be right side of the body, left side of the brain is speech.

31:31🔗 Adam Right.

31:31🔗 Drew Right side of the brain, left side of the body is the anti-sugnosia.

31:35🔗 Adam And so he can't use his left arm, his left leg.

31:39🔗 Kevin Nealon Wouldn't it be terrible if, you know, like when you get shot with an arrow, sometimes they say, I can't take it out, otherwise you'll die, we're gonna leave it in. What if the tiger, they had to make sure that the tiger still grasped on. He had to live the rest of his life with a tiger on his neck.

31:51🔗 Drew Would have prevented the stroke.

31:53🔗 Adam I was thinking, I have thought about it, and we've talked about this before, it's gotta be the worst part of an already bad injury when the rebar's impaling you, it's going through your chest, and you're at the process, not where you're pulling it out, but where you're sawing it off so we can take you to the hospital. Just the idea that we're not really doing anything about this rebar going through, other than just cutting it loose from the cement retaining wall.

32:17🔗 Kevin Nealon One of the funniest cartoons I saw, I think it was in some newspaper, it was at this guy in the doctor's office, and he had a big arrow through him, you know, big arrow, and the doctor said to him, he goes, now, just, I want to warn you, this may tickle a little bit when I pull it out, because of the feathers.

32:35🔗 Adam All right, Drew, are we going to say one thing, or are we going to the final? No, let's keep going. All right, well, interesting. All right, so never going to perform again.

32:43🔗 Drew We will, but it won't be the same way. If you take some of the anti-sugnosion, have them draw a clock, they'll cram it all on the right side. It's just a complete... That is why. Their brain not working right. All right. They don't process emotions normally and things.

32:57🔗 Kevin Nealon Even if you tell them to draw a circle.

33:00🔗 Drew They draw the circle, but it would be lopsided, and they would push everything...

33:04🔗 Kevin Nealon It'd look more like a peanut.

33:05🔗 Drew But then also, if you said draw a clock, all the numbers would be on the right side.

33:09🔗 Kevin Nealon They make clocks like that, by the way.

33:10🔗 Drew Salvador Donahue.

33:12🔗 Adam Krista?

33:13🔗 Yeah.

33:14🔗 Adam You're 19? What's happening, baby doll?

33:18🔗 Caller Well, I've been dating my boyfriend for about three and a half years, and about six months before I started dating him, I was raped by two guys, and they put me on Zoloft and Wellview Trend, and then I stopped taking it, and about six to eight months ago, I completely lost my sex drive. It plummeted to zero. It didn't like taper off at all.

33:42🔗 Kevin Nealon You're wearing tight jeans?

33:45🔗 Adam No, Kevin, not everything's tight jeans.

33:46🔗 Drew This is off the antidepressants.

33:48🔗 Adam Roy, however, was wearing tight jeans when he was attacked.

33:50🔗 Drew Off the antidepressants, you had a loss of sex drive.

33:54🔗 Adam Well, let me ask, were the two guys raped you simultaneously?

33:58🔗 Caller I don't know.

34:00🔗 Caller I passed out. I was drunk.

34:04🔗 Adam Yeah, but when you say two guys raped you, you mean in one evening. It wasn't two separate events.

34:09🔗 Kevin Nealon Were these guys you knew?

34:11🔗 Caller They went to my high school. I didn't know them personally.

34:13🔗 Adam They went to your high school?

34:14🔗 Kevin Nealon It was like a big party probably at high school.

34:16🔗 Adam And so you got drunk and you passed out at a party.

34:19🔗 Caller Right.

34:20🔗 Adam And how do you know they...

34:21🔗 Caller Well, I woke up with my pants down around my ankles and I was a virgin at the time, so I had lost my virginity.

34:29🔗 Drew And no sexual abuse in childhood? No weird touching or anything?

34:35🔗 Caller No.

34:35🔗 Adam How do you... But how do you know that they had intercourse with you?

34:38🔗 Caller I don't know completely, 100 percent, but I just assume. And I went to therapy and they said, well, you were raped and whatever. And I'm in therapy now. And they just put me on Lexipo and...

34:52🔗 Drew But again, understand that these antidepressants can totally shut off your sex drive. So first thing I want to establish is that the change in libido correlate in any way with the medication.

35:04🔗 Caller I think so.

35:05🔗 Drew All right, the medication... Listen, Krista, the medication will completely shut down your sex drive. The Zolav, Lexipro, less so, but it can. Prozac, all the serotonin reuptake inhibitors can cause a severe drop in your sex drive. In fact, with women particularly, sex looks sort of irritating, like seeing people kiss is like, eww, what are they doing that?

35:22🔗 Adam Well, I got the same. I fast forward through that part.

35:25🔗 Drew I know, but Krista... That's not a normal thing for Krista. So are you having those sorts of feelings now?

35:31🔗 Caller Yeah, I won't even kiss him.

35:33🔗 Drew Yeah, that's the end of the press. All right.

35:35🔗 Adam But here's the part I worry about is that you just assumed two guys raped you when obviously something happened, but not necessarily. And why not, you know, like...

35:45🔗 Drew Always look on the bright side.

35:46🔗 Adam Well, I mean, if I'm the guy who's on the firing squad and one of us has a blank, I'm going to assume that I was the guy who had the gun with the blank just to get through my day. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yes. Why not? Okay, I assume these guys did something, diddled you, what have you.

36:01🔗 Drew That's why it sounds-

36:02🔗 Adam The fact that they both have intercourse with you, I was raped by two guys.

36:05🔗 Drew That's why she sounds like a victim.

36:07🔗 Adam I know.

36:07🔗 Drew That's why I was-

36:08🔗 Adam So what's going on with that? Krista? And you lost your virginity to these guys, but did you ever get a- She thinks she did. You ever get a medical evaluation?

36:18🔗 Caller No, I didn't. But I did go to therapy and I told them what I thought had happened and they basically said, well, you were raped and you don't need to deny it, you need to admit it.

36:30🔗 Adam Yeah. These were angry lesbians.

36:33🔗 Caller Well, I probably.

36:34🔗 Adam Probably. And by the way, first off, there's way too much of that stuff. Like I had a dream, my dad molested me, oh, okay, you're a victim, you got to write him a letter, put it on his grave, you know, it's like-

36:44🔗 Drew Victim is as victim does. You have to earn victim status.

36:47🔗 Adam Well, here's the thing too. Three-quarters of the people that you're talking to who are therapists, especially if they're women, are nuts and were diddled. Let's be honest with you. You want an old Jew with a bad beard and dandruff, quite frankly, horrible hygiene, by the way, and a corduroy jacket with the suede patches on the sleeves. And it'd be nice if he strokes a lap dog while he's doing the advice. And a smoker's nice too.

37:12🔗 Kevin Nealon You're thinking of Dr. No-No.

37:14🔗 Adam I'm turning him into a- Dr. Evil. Yeah. All right. No, wait a second. Never victim, parents together, no alcoholism or drug abuse in the family?

37:27🔗 Caller My dad's an alcoholic and he lives in Georgia.

37:29🔗 Drew Yeah. And did they physically abuse you or anything when you were growing up?

37:33🔗 Caller When I was younger, my brother did.

37:37🔗 Drew You just sound like a victim.

37:38🔗 Adam There's something up. Yeah.

37:39🔗 Drew You're just ready to be a victim. And you didn't go take action. You didn't get a medical exam. You didn't protect yourself or come to your own defense. You're blaming other people for your status as a rape victim. It's just it's all victim.

37:51🔗 Adam They got it. You got someone's got to rape you, Drew.

37:53🔗 Drew No, but I mean, she's saying the therapist told me I'm a victim, so therefore I am.

37:57🔗 Adam And and I'll take it a step further. The therapist probably didn't say you were raped. Now get over it or it's time to act accordingly. They probably said, well, there's a there's a chance you may be.

38:09🔗 Drew Why don't don't deny that? Let's get on with talk about it.

38:12🔗 Adam Right. They rarely speak.

38:13🔗 Kevin Nealon Why can't she be a victim?

38:14🔗 Adam I don't know.

38:15🔗 Drew She is.

38:16🔗 Adam No, I I'm just saying we know that there's something in her past that is is relevant because she is so sure that she was victimized by these two guys. And I'm sure they did something and they deserve they deserve something bad to happen to them.

38:32🔗 Drew Yeah.

38:33🔗 Adam But why go through as the double rape victim?

38:35🔗 Drew Well, you're in therapy.

38:36🔗 Adam It's fine.

38:37🔗 Drew The antidepressant or what's growing with your sex drive probably now. Not to say that the victimization, whatever was that happened, you couldn't also come to bear on your libido. It certainly will.

38:45🔗 Adam Now, an alcoholic dad in Georgia is something you should focus on in therapy, too. Although I've not been to Georgia, but I understand you have to be an alcoholic.

38:56🔗 Drew But not a dad. But not a dad.

38:59🔗 Adam All right. I know the laws vary from state to state.

39:01🔗 Drew There's a reason they're in Georgia, but Krista, yeah, the alcoholic dad and the abandonment, all those issues, that's what you're focusing on in therapy, making it what's called a cohesive narrative of your life.

39:10🔗 Adam All right. We will take ourselves a little break. Kevin Nealon, arguably one of the best arguers in Southern California, is going to be at the Irvine Improv, arguably one of the best comedy clubs in Orange County. He's going to be there Thursday, Friday, and Friday, arguably the best day of the week because there's, thank God, it's Friday, there's TGI, there's a restaurant, there's that movie.

39:38🔗 Kevin Nealon That's probably the most popular day of the week.

39:39🔗 Adam Arguably, yeah, and it's furthest away from Monday, really, if you think about it.

39:43🔗 Kevin Nealon But really the weekend starts on Thursday for most people.

39:46🔗 Adam Yeah, for most of us out here in Southern California enjoying that lifestyle. Arguably one of the best states in the Union.

39:52🔗 Kevin Nealon Notably one of the best states.

39:54🔗 Adam Yeah, and it's that people don't understand the enormity, by the way, of the notability. Okay, go Drew, look it up. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be right back. That is Dr. Drew.

40:44🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline.

40:46🔗 Adam Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Kevin Nealon in the studio tonight. Really a fantastic stand-up comedian. He's the thinking man's.

40:57🔗 Drew Comedian's comedian.

40:58🔗 Adam He's a comedian's comedian. Arguably one of the best comedians' comedians.

41:02🔗 Kevin Nealon Do you think there's other professions like that? She's a stripper's stripper, you know. He's a doctor's doctor.

41:10🔗 Adam Yeah, I don't think they have a thinking man's either. I think she's the thinking man's stripper.

41:15🔗 Kevin Nealon That's a nice move she made. I wonder where that came from.

41:18🔗 Adam Yeah, and they don't have like the Michael Jordan of all wet nurses or anything like that. They probably don't have a Michael Jordan of crappy jobs either.

41:29🔗 Kevin Nealon No, no.

41:30🔗 Adam Although, engineer Chris over here, arguably the Michael Jordan of $10 an hour.

41:36🔗 Drew I am literally gonna kill myself if we don't get you on the call, literally, literally.

41:41🔗 Adam Arguably or literally?

41:42🔗 Drew Literally.

41:42🔗 Adam Okay, let's go. Amanda.

41:46🔗 Adam.

41:47🔗 Adam You're 27, what's up baby doll?

41:49🔗 I am actually looking for Dr. Drew to demystify female ejaculation.

41:54🔗 Drew What about it?

41:56🔗 My girlfriend does it and she worries often that it's urine or that it's a combination of ejaculation and urine.

42:02🔗 Drew For some women it is, but for the most part it isn't.

42:05🔗 Would it be noticeably odorous?

42:08🔗 Drew Yeah, again, there are acid tests. You could take a big dose of B vitamin or some asparagus the day before.

42:15🔗 Kevin Nealon One of the chances of feces coming out as well.

42:17🔗 Drew No, no feces from the vagina. Well there is something called a rectovaginal fistula that at bad times, feces can come out the vagina. That is rare.

42:25🔗 Adam That's really equivalent to like a fountain peeing blood. I mean it's the devil's work. Hold on a second, Amanda. What about the mixture? We never hear about the mixture.

42:39🔗 Drew No, it's usually one or the other.

42:40🔗 Adam Yeah. I mean we hear, well, no, it's female orgasmic incontinence in which case it's urine or we hear that there's a gland out there shooting some fluid out. But the chance is it's a mixture and it makes sense.

42:51🔗 Kevin Nealon It could be but we don't hear about it.

42:54🔗 Drew That means it's probably very unusual.

42:56🔗 Adam Here's the deal, Amanda. First off, nice work.

42:59🔗 Drew That you produce. Good.

43:01🔗 Kevin Nealon That's a girlfriend.

43:02🔗 Drew I am quite proud.

43:03🔗 Adam Yeah, you're doing good.

43:04🔗 Kevin Nealon I thought it was her friend.

43:05🔗 Drew No, but she produces, it's her girlfriend.

43:08🔗 Adam Kevin, let me explain something. Kevin's a...

43:10🔗 Kevin Nealon Oh, oh, oh, oh, I see this. That's a gay couple.

43:13🔗 Adam Yeah, he's wearing the pants.

43:14🔗 Kevin Nealon I'm sorry, I thought she said her friend.

43:15🔗 Adam With the Coach Moore room and the jeans.

43:17🔗 No, I'm representing the angry lesbian contingency.

43:20🔗 So, so lovingly speak up.

43:22🔗 Drew Yeah, but Amanda, you're not angry.

43:24🔗 Adam No.

43:24🔗 Well, no.

43:25🔗 Drew No. Not yet.

43:27🔗 Adam So she, she produces fluid. I think you would know it if it was urine.

43:32🔗 Yeah.

43:32🔗 Adam How about that?

43:33🔗 Drew Again, you can test for it by taking vitamins and eating asparagus, but the probability is yes, that it's fluid glandular material from down there.

43:39🔗 Adam I would say.

43:40🔗 Drew I would say a lot of fluid produce some women. Some women, interesting thing about this is, again, some women do this, some women do not. A small percentage will do it, sometimes not others. It doesn't necessarily equate with the size of the orgasm. And a lot of women that do it feel ashamed of it. There's about bears that feel so bad to them. No, of course. It's a good thing, right? Amanda, there you are producing it.

43:58🔗 Kevin Nealon It's easier to tell if it's urine if they do it in the snow.

44:01🔗 Adam Yeah.

44:01🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah.

44:02🔗 Adam Hey, if they can do their initials, it's huge. Amanda, do you give her this orgasm via oral sex?

44:12🔗 No, either penetration or clitoral stimulus.

44:17🔗 Adam What kind of penetration?

44:20🔗 Just my hand.

44:22🔗 Adam Digital penetration or what's the other one? Digital, thank you. Okay, good.

44:29🔗 Drew Why? Oh, you don't want to throw it in.

44:31🔗 Adam It's kind of like when you light a cigarette off the stove. It's not a good idea. It's not a good idea. Just get it right in there. Use a lighter.

44:39🔗 Kevin Nealon You know that medicine, what's it called? It's made with horse's urine.

44:43🔗 Adam Oh, Premarin.

44:44🔗 Kevin Nealon Premarin. Premarin.

44:45🔗 Adam Premarin. It's made from pregnant mare's urine. Yeah.

44:52🔗 Kevin Nealon I don't know how women could take that.

44:54🔗 Adam I don't either. But I don't know why you wouldn't name it just a Goodendall or something. You got to name it after pregnant mare's urine.

45:02🔗 Drew Biological, yeah. A lot of biological products are produced in interesting situations, whether it's plant or animal or whatever.

45:09🔗 All right.

45:11🔗 Kevin Nealon Plant urine.

45:12🔗 Adam All right. We got a question for... They have feelings, though. Seriously.

45:16🔗 Drew Seriously. Literally.

45:18🔗 Adam Eric.

45:19🔗 Hey, guys. What's happening?

45:21🔗 Adam You're 23. What's up?

45:22🔗 Caller Well, I hate to interrupt you. I don't get to go to the weather. Los Angeles chicken in 71 degrees.

45:26🔗 Drew Burger bank coming in 71.

45:28🔗 Caller And wine gardens.

45:29🔗 Adam Just in 71 degrees. Wow. All right, buddy.

45:32🔗 Drew Eric's back.

45:32🔗 Adam What's up?

45:33🔗 Caller Hey. I had a question for Kevin Nealon. Kevin, how are you doing? Good.

45:38🔗 Kevin Nealon Thanks. All right.

45:39🔗 Caller I think that you are one of the funniest people on the planet. And I've been looking for a long time and haven't seen a best of SNL DVD. Do you have one?

45:48🔗 Kevin Nealon No, I don't allow that. What's that? I don't allow that.

45:53🔗 Caller You don't allow that?

45:53🔗 Adam They must have best of SNLs that have Nealon in there.

45:57🔗 Kevin Nealon I meant some of them. Yeah. I don't have. What he's saying is there's not the best of Kevin Nealon.

46:01🔗 Adam Oh, you're saying dedicated to Nealon?

46:05🔗 Kevin Nealon The problem is I was only on the show for nine seasons. I didn't really have enough time to get enough sketches together.

46:10🔗 Adam He was just starting to hit a stride.

46:11🔗 Drew He still has the best sketch of my favorite all time with Harvey Keitel.

46:15🔗 Kevin Nealon That's my favorite.

46:16🔗 Drew In the bathroom when he's the attendant in the small little bathroom.

46:22🔗 Adam Let me stroke Nealon here for just a second. Kevin, again, a comedian's comedian, but not a bells and whistles guy. Nothing you can really hang your hat on in terms of- Nuanced, subtle. It's not the church lady. It's not you look marvelous. It's not the big stuff. It's not the coneheads. It's a wonderful study in less is more. I know this is going to start getting irritating, but I just mean-

46:53🔗 Drew Start?

46:54🔗 Adam Literally. Kevin is one of the smarter guys out there and doesn't need to shout to let people know he's funny.

47:01🔗 Kevin Nealon There you go. Also, I think they come out with the best of when somebody has a film out and they want to publicize it, so they'll jump on that bandwagon.

47:09🔗 Adam Anyway.

47:10🔗 Drew He's saying he would like the producer to contact him tonight and give a film back.

47:13🔗 Adam Nealon going to be at the Irvine Improv, arguably one of the better improv in Irvine. In Irvine. That's Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

47:49🔗 Kevin Nealon This hour brought to you in part by AXE.

47:52🔗 Caller Experience the AXE Effect.

48:31🔗 Adam Hey everybody, it's the Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Kevin Nealon is in studio tonight. At some point, was the longest running cast member on Saturday Night Live until it was overtaken by, I don't know who, Tim Meadows. He, who by the way probably doesn't have a best of Saturday Night Live box set dedicated to him either, but a funny gentleman.

49:01🔗 Kevin Nealon Although he might, he had a film come out.

49:03🔗 Adam He did have a film come out.

49:05🔗 Kevin Nealon Ladies Man.

49:06🔗 Adam I'll tell you, that thing by the way was just sort of quintessential Saturday Night Live film that doesn't seem to work out. It's almost, was almost a parody of Saturday Night Live films that didn't seem to work out.

49:20🔗 Adam That character though kills me.

49:21🔗 Adam I do love the character. I love the Corvassia and all the rest of it. It's just, I think that movie came out and it was almost like this is not a real movie. This is just one of those, it was like when Molly Shannon had the like Catholic school girl. Superstar. Cheerleader superstar thing come out. It was almost like, well first off, can we make them, do we have to make a movie about every bit that was on SNL? I mean, it's a funny bit. They're both funny, you know, three and a half minutes. I couldn't imagine 95 minutes of them and maybe the rest of North America couldn't either. But the point is, is Timmy Meadows, great guy and a dear, dear friend, dear, dear friend, and it's time to end back on the show. He was on here with, and-

50:07🔗 Kevin Nealon Mean Girls.

50:09🔗 Adam Yeah, Mean Girls.

50:10🔗 Drew What's her name?

50:11🔗 Kevin Nealon Tina Fey.

50:11🔗 Adam Tina Fey, everybody. Who probably doesn't have a box set out about her either. See, started feeling better, buddy. Gonna beat the Irvine Improv, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. And go see Kevin Nealon and be surprised by how funny he is. Impressed.

50:27🔗 Kevin Nealon And it is stand-up comedy, it's not sketches. A lot of people think they're not sure that I do stand-up.

50:33🔗 Adam No.

50:33🔗 Kevin Nealon They think they're gonna see some sketches, but it is indeed, it is stand-up with a few characters from Saturday Night Live here and there, sprinkled throughout for familiarity purposes.

50:42🔗 Adam But he doesn't have to, it's not a crutch.

50:44🔗 Kevin Nealon No, no, it's not a crutch, it's not a wheelchair, it's nothing like that.

50:47🔗 Drew Do you know the Harvey Keitel skit I'm referring to?

50:48🔗 Adam It's kind of a stroke cane, it's not really crutch per se, but it is one of those canes that has the four legs on it. Yeah, but it's not a walker.

50:55🔗 Drew Do you know what skit I'm talking about?

50:57🔗 Adam Yeah, I do. We've talked about it quite a bit. I'm a fan, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, literally, literally a fan.

51:04🔗 Drew Literally a fan, I'm literally a fan.

51:06🔗 Kevin Nealon I like to hear Tom Brokaw say it, literally.

51:10🔗 Adam And by the way, he's becoming a parody of himself on television, he is now doing himself.

51:16🔗 Drew Yeah.

51:17🔗 Adam Which I'm gonna do when I get home. Ashley?

51:19🔗 Ashley, yeah.

51:21🔗 Adam You're 19?

51:22🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

51:23🔗 Adam What's up baby doll?

51:25🔗 Caller Well, I have been dating my boyfriend for about seven months. And when we first started having sex, it would go for, you know, like an hour, everything was fine. And then recently, I can only go for like three minutes.

51:45🔗 Adam Three minutes before I'm completely...

51:49🔗 Drew Before what happens?

51:50🔗 Caller Before like, I'll have an orgasm and then I'll just wanna stop.

51:53🔗 Drew So in the past, you wanted to have multiple orgasms.

51:55🔗 Caller Right, and I could have multiple orgasms. Like I would go in the beginning. And then I would go again and now it's just like, it happens and then it's just over for me. And when he goes down on me, I get no enjoyment whatsoever. Wow.

52:13🔗 Drew Multiple.

52:14🔗 Adam You got a sister, three minutes.

52:16🔗 Caller Oh, no.

52:16🔗 Adam Oh, okay. All right, and you used to have multiple orgasms, but you don't anymore. Okay. Is this like unsatisfying to you that just have sex for three, four minutes and have your orgasm and hit the fridge?

52:32🔗 Caller Well, I mean, it's not really that it's unsatisfying. I just feel bad for my boyfriend. You know, because I think he can tell that after it's, after I'm done, it's just kind of like I sit there and I'm just waiting for him to go.

52:44🔗 Drew How long does it take him?

52:46🔗 Caller It depends. Sometimes he can go for like an hour. Sometimes it's like 30 minutes.

52:53🔗 Drew So for at least 27 minutes, maybe up to 57 minutes, you're just kind of reading the paper, watching County Sheep?

53:00🔗 Caller Well, lately it's been like that, yeah.

53:04🔗 Adam And how about he pulls it together a little bit? In the orgasm department that is. You know what I mean? I mean, can he buck up and get something to jump out of his dork in 14, 15 minutes? No, I can't.

53:18🔗 Drew He can work it up on his own and then finish shop.

53:21🔗 Kevin Nealon And then, Adam, you hit the fridge afterwards?

53:24🔗 Adam Yeah.

53:25🔗 Kevin Nealon That's like a routine for you?

53:26🔗 Adam I actually move the fridge into the bedroom now.

53:29🔗 Drew So you have to take that all along.

53:30🔗 Kevin Nealon So you think about eating afterwards?

53:32🔗 Drew Well, after he's remote controlled and eating, is that usually working?

53:37🔗 Adam Sometimes I'll watch programs about food.

53:40🔗 Kevin Nealon Adam's got the coolest house. He's got a TV in every room. Yeah. Perfectly located. You've seen the new house?

53:47🔗 Adam The new one.

53:48🔗 Kevin Nealon Both houses though.

53:49🔗 Adam Yeah, they're my homes. It's like a TV?

53:52🔗 Kevin Nealon Literally, yeah. Yeah. They're your toys.

53:55🔗 Adam Thank you. Yeah, arguably one of the nicer houses in the San Fernando Valley. Ashley? Uh-huh. What about, okay, I mean, you go at three minutes. You want to extend it a little bit longer?

54:08🔗 Caller You do? Yeah, I just, I can't. Well, there's a big age difference between us. I'm 19 and he's 30.

54:17🔗 Adam Are you not into him? Is there something you find repugnant or grotesque that you could think about? You know, napalm, Vietnam?

54:25🔗 Caller I am, I mean, he is great.

54:28🔗 Adam No, I know you're into him, but I'm just saying, I don't know if a woman has ever done this. I think guys have. I mean, guys think evil. You know, we picture maggots crawling on a potato bug and we can squeeze another 45 seconds out of the journey. You know, if, do they have potato bugs anymore, by the way?

54:47🔗 Drew Oh, here they do.

54:48🔗 Adam Oh, they do, okay. Ashley, can you, what if you thought about the grossest guy you work with for 10 minutes? Could you go, you know, could you make it now 13 minutes?

54:59🔗 Well, that would probably just turn me off.

55:01🔗 Adam I see, I see. Well, well, it's kind of, here's what it is, though. It's like you have to feather the throttle a little bit. You know what I'm saying?

55:11🔗 Drew Why do you sound like you're just sort of frustrated and not into this guy?

55:15🔗 Caller Well, it's just, it is kind of frustrating because when we first started having sex, it was like, I mean, amazing. I was having multiple orgasms. I've never done that before. And now it's just like for some reason, I don't know if I'm just overly excited about it or what.

55:32🔗 Drew No, no, you're just, you're not.

55:33🔗 Adam It's like you're this into the guy.

55:35🔗 Drew But here's the deal. The newness of the situation creates the arousal. Now you're just going back in your more normal rhythm. And why do you have to be sort of greedy about it? Why can't you just have your normal experience and be done with it and just try to get him to sort of cooperate with your biology?

55:51🔗 Adam I'm tired of women now with this, let's turn back, let's build a time machine and get it on like we did eight years ago. I don't go, I'm tired of that crap. And guys don't do that either by the way. You know, women do so much of that. You know, when we first started going out, it was all about foot rubs and flowers and all right. You were 30 pounds lighter. Come on. Yeah, things were different. Of course they were different.

56:16🔗 Drew Well, when you start invoking the Coolidge effect, it means time for a new chicken.

56:22🔗 Adam Tell the Coolidge story, Drew.

56:24🔗 Drew Coolidge story is basically refers to a phenomenon that exists in mammals, male mammals. Apparently there used to be federal farms maintained by the US government and when Calvin Coolidge was president, he and his wife went to every year they had to tour the farms as they went out touring and they would have two separate tours. The first lady went for the president. The first lady was going around and they got to the chicken coop and the farmer very proudly presented his prize rooster and he said, Mrs. Coolidge, I must share with you this is our prize rooster and this rooster is able to copulate at least 100 times a day, to which point Mrs. Coolidge looked spry and said, please report that to the president. Make sure he's aware of the 100 times a day of copulation. So now, off they go. She goes on to the dairy section and the president comes around and now the farmer is a little more coy about this and says, Mr. President, the first lady asked me to point this rooster out to you and to let it be known that this is a rooster that's able to copulate 100 times a day, at which point Calvin Coolidge said, with the same kitchen chicken? No, not with the same chicken. With 100 different chickens. That's why he's able to copulate 100 times a day and that's called the Coolidge Effect where male mammals are aroused by diversity and newness.

57:39🔗 Adam Let me tell you about the Dr. Drew fact. You tell a 14 minute story and at the end replace the word chicken with kitchen.

57:46🔗 Drew I know, that's ridiculous. Almost, nearly did.

57:49🔗 Adam You almost say kitchen when you should say chicken but that's a good story, Drew. I love that one and it's one of the rare moments I can actually sit back and enjoy the show.

57:57🔗 Kevin Nealon What would be the Roosevelt effect?

57:59🔗 Drew Eleanor or FDR?

58:02🔗 Adam The point is, women get angry. My wife called me into one of the many rooms of one of the many television sets and there was that god damn Oprah. She said, I want to show you something. Look at this. She said, this is two nights ago. Look at this. I said, what's going on? Okay, she's doing a story about the most romantic men. The guy's a colonel in the army. He has her on this, as a deal with the flower shop where she gets a bouquet of roses.

58:32🔗 Drew This guy's having sex with multiple women.

58:33🔗 Adam Every two days.

58:35🔗 Drew These guys are suspect when they do stuff like that.

58:37🔗 Adam He never stops loving her. He's writing poetry and it's like, for the love of Christ. And I realize, really, envy is destroying our society. I'm staring at this jackass who's probably gay who's never stopped sending the things out. They don't live together, by the way. He's got his pad. She's got her pad. They're married? No, they're not married. She's the boyfriend. He's compensating. He's by the way going, he's in the military, so he gets shipped out for six months at a time. By the way, that whole thing where you become like the dad who just shows up at Christmas, brings a few presents and gives the kid a little horsey ride and heads back to Florida.

59:21🔗 Drew Who and I did get this guy? We had to go find him and interview him properly.

59:24🔗 Adam Then she had nothing but kiss ass guys on there who loved their wives so much. It was just, I was watching this thing and I realized my wife's actually getting angry because Oprah was parading these a-holes in front of the world, these Benedict Arnold's, I call them. Turncoats.

59:43🔗 Drew On the mail. I'm telling you, listen, I am totally into my wife. I love my wife, but if I started behaving like that, she should be worried. She should be very concerned. There's something, I'm up to something. Is that wrong?

59:52🔗 Adam No, possible tumor.

59:54🔗 Drew Tumor, yeah, but there's something of concern regardless. It's a differential.

59:58🔗 Adam If I say hi to my wife when I come home, she gets me a PET scan. I look down when I talk. I walk with purpose. I look at my feet. I storm right into the room and begin watching pornography. That's my life. All right, you ready, Drew? Yeah. You ready, Kevin? Yeah. Can I call you Kevo? Yeah. Okay, bye.

1:00:15🔗 Drew Although, I got to admit, there's one thing that's happened to me is as I get older, I keep realizing what women put up with men and what they want and what they don't get. I'm feeling like I owe her more now.

1:00:26🔗 Adam All right.

1:00:29🔗 Drew At a certain point, you feel like you want to show them a little more of what they put up with. But that's when you're older. You can't do that when you're 20.

1:00:38🔗 Adam No. Listen, here's the thing. I really do believe women sit around, they watch TV, they see what people are wearing, they see how they're being treated, they see the lives they're leading. Here's what I'd like, by the way. My wife sits there and watches that Oprah and focuses on the part where the world's most romantic husbands and boyfriends. How about watch the episode before it where the battered wife is being flogged and has the eight kids and is living in poverty, not watching the TV that's buried in the wall, for Christ's sake. Stop focusing on that.

1:01:11🔗 Caller All right.

1:01:12🔗 Adam Sorry. Shirley?

1:01:14🔗 Caller Yes?

1:01:16🔗 Adam You're 23? All right. You sound like an old soul, Shirley.

1:01:22🔗 Caller Well, actually I sound older than what I really am.

1:01:27🔗 Drew What's going on?

1:01:28🔗 Caller Well, my problem is that, okay, when I was younger, I met my husband when I was 14 years old.

1:01:36🔗 Drew Uh-uh.

1:01:37🔗 Caller And then I was really sexual, I was always wanting to have sex all the time and stuff.

1:01:45🔗 Drew At 14? At 14, Shirley? That's what that means.

1:01:55🔗 Adam That's what that means. That's what that means.

1:01:57🔗 Drew That's what that means. That's what that means.

1:01:58🔗 How old was he?

1:02:00🔗 Caller He's 25. He just turned 25.

1:02:03🔗 Drew So he was 16? You were 14?

1:02:05🔗 Caller Well, we're kind of, he was actually 20, or he was actually 15 when I was 14 and he turned 16 when I turned 15.

1:02:15🔗 Drew The point is you were having sex at a very, very young age.

1:02:18🔗 Adam So somehow, now he's 25 and she's 23, so he's gained a couple of months on you.

1:02:22🔗 Caller I'll be 24 this week.

1:02:24🔗 Adam All right. I see. There's a small window.

1:02:26🔗 Drew And the fact is that when people are survivors, they'll go through periods of very, very intense sexual activity and then have periods where they completely shut down to it.

1:02:33🔗 Adam Listen, we don't know that she's a survivor. I only know by her voice that she's been through, been to hell and back. So what's up? Speed, abuse, alcohol, drugs? What's up?

1:02:44🔗 Caller Well, when I was young, well, when I first met him, I ended up pregnant. And ever since I had it, because I got pregnant at 14 and I had my son at 15. Well, never since then, I haven't, it's like I totally lost my sexual drive all the way. And he's like, he, his sex drive is like really crazy.

1:03:11🔗 Adam And I don't even know what, how to like, OK, we understand, but surely just satisfies police and tell us all about the abuse in your childhood.

1:03:22🔗 Caller Well, when I was a kid, I was, I really didn't have a mom, my mom wasn't really there for me. And then I had a dad that abused me and I was, I was molested a couple of times by, I was molested by my stepdad and I was molested by two of my uncles.

1:03:40🔗 Drew Why did you tell me, why did you call me off when I was saying that she was an abuse survivor?

1:03:44🔗 Adam What do you mean? I, the first thing I said is she sounds like an old soul and that's just sort of.

1:03:48🔗 Drew Yes, but she responded to you by saying she just sounds a lot older than she is. She sounded like a Vietnam vet.

1:03:53🔗 Adam Yeah. First off, chicks are 23 that seem like they've, they sound like, yeah, nurses from, from Korea. You know, they just look death in the eye a thousand times. That always means abuse. Because essentially what happens is, is you become adult, an adult, the minute things crappy. And here's what being an adult is, kids, when life goes wrong, that's how you're an adult. People do horrible things to you. You have to pay bills and divorces, death, it's Oprah being called in and forced to watch Oprah on your own goddamn 42 inch television set, which you paid for with your own hard earned money. And now, now, really, I put the set in so I could be, so I could be bitten in the ass by my own TV set. Benedict Arnold, I tell you.

1:04:36🔗 Kevin Nealon Most of the girls that call in here, though, they sound a lot older than they are. And I think it's probably that the ones that call in are kind of have no inhibitions about speaking freely. If when I was 19 or 18 or 17, I would never call on a radio station, especially to talk about these kind of things.

1:04:51🔗 Adam No, that's true. But no, that's incorrect in the sense that, yes, these people, most people, everyone on the show speaks freely. There's no doubt they wouldn't call the show. She sounded burnt out.

1:05:05🔗 Drew She's not abusive.

1:05:08🔗 Adam She started getting abused at seven and that's when she sort of became an adult, by the way, cranked out a kid at 15.

1:05:13🔗 Drew So her sexual acting out was part of the hypersexuality of the sexual abuse and physical abuse and abandonment. She has the trifecta, abandonment, neglect, abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse. And those kids are sexually active at a very young age. And as they move towards adulthood, they'll often, particularly when you're in an intimate relationship, which it sounds like you are with your husband, shut off to sex. Sex becomes the bad part of the self. And you can't share the bad part with somebody who you feel close and intimate to.

1:05:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:05:39🔗 Adam All right. Here's what I worry about. A few things, Shirley. Any more kids?

1:05:44🔗 Caller No, I have. Well, I have two. I had a miscarriage.

1:05:49🔗 Drew Any more kids? Any more kids?

1:05:50🔗 Adam No.

1:05:51🔗 Drew No.

1:05:51🔗 Adam No. Well, there's Brian. And Joey, and then the triplets. No more kids. By the way, does anyone do the opposite of that? Like, Adam, have any kids? Yeah. Yeah. As a matter of fact, no. No. No. You never hear the opposite.

1:06:13🔗 Drew Loveline, will I ever answer no to everything?

1:06:17🔗 Adam You hear no and then you hear five.

1:06:19🔗 Drew Everything.

1:06:20🔗 Adam Shirley.

1:06:20🔗 Kevin Nealon It's better than the people that answer like this. Any kids? Well, yes and no.

1:06:24🔗 Drew I'd kind of rather.

1:06:25🔗 Adam I'd be amusing.

1:06:26🔗 Kevin Nealon Wait a minute.

1:06:26🔗 Adam My parents do that. All right. Shirley. So you had a miscarriage.

1:06:31🔗 Caller Well, actually it was a preterm birth.

1:06:33🔗 Adam All right.

1:06:34🔗 Caller Uh-oh.

1:06:35🔗 Drew Is he okay?

1:06:38🔗 Caller But I don't have any more. I've got my tubes tied.

1:06:42🔗 Adam Okay. Good. Good. And by the way, you would have 35 kids by now if you didn't have those tubes tied because people sound like you just spit out kids.

1:06:52🔗 Kevin Nealon Do you think somebody would tie their tubes just to help them remember something?

1:06:57🔗 Adam Yeah. Like, you know, tie a string around your finger.

1:06:58🔗 Kevin Nealon To get your dry fingers.

1:06:59🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:07:00🔗 Drew Oh, of course.

1:07:02🔗 Adam What? Squaresville over here.

1:07:05🔗 Kevin Nealon Sure.

1:07:08🔗 Adam You ever do any speed?

1:07:10🔗 Caller No. I don't. I've... The only thing I've ever done out of any kind of drug is I drink alcohol and I used to smoke weed, but I've never done any kind of drugs ever.

1:07:21🔗 Adam Did you do a little bit of drinking tonight?

1:07:24🔗 Caller Well, I do, but it's an occasional thing. I really don't drink all that much.

1:07:29🔗 Drew A recreation. Are you drinking tonight?

1:07:32🔗 Adam It's occasional.

1:07:33🔗 Drew No, it's an occasional thing, but maybe tonight.

1:07:35🔗 Adam Did you have a few drinks tonight?

1:07:37🔗 Caller No.

1:07:38🔗 Drew No.

1:07:38🔗 Adam No booze?

1:07:39🔗 Caller I've been on the road with my husband. He's a truck driver, so...

1:07:43🔗 Kevin Nealon He's on tour now?

1:07:45🔗 Adam Is he on tour?

1:07:46🔗 Adam Is he out driving?

1:07:48🔗 Caller We're... We're done now.

1:07:52🔗 Adam All right. So, no more kids and some therapy for all the abuse you've suffered, the horrible abuse you had as a young child.

1:08:00🔗 Drew She's actually in decent shape.

1:08:02🔗 Kevin Nealon Has she ever had therapy?

1:08:03🔗 Adam Have you had therapy?

1:08:05🔗 Caller Well, like, a couple years ago, I had an anger management type of thing going on with me. And I ended up going to domestic violence classes, but it turned out that my anger wasn't behind the night or behind what I got in trouble for. It was from my past. So, instead of doing group counseling, I did single counseling.

1:08:31🔗 Adam Right.

1:08:32🔗 Caller So, I got a lot out of my system then.

1:08:34🔗 Adam Good, good, baby doll. Just take care of those kids.

1:08:38🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

1:08:40🔗 Adam All right. Very casual. All right.

1:08:43🔗 Caller So, yeah.

1:08:43🔗 Adam Your husband wants sex. You don't. That's because you were abused. And this is the way it goes. It's feast or famine, and you're in the famine part.

1:08:52🔗 Drew And the famine part is most often associated with emotional intimacy. You wall off from those aspects of yourself that you associate with the abuse.

1:09:01🔗 Adam Okay. So, here's, I think here's about the best advice we could give. It's not your husband's fault that you were abused when you were young by your stepfather and other people.

1:09:11🔗 Drew And he has a normal sex drive.

1:09:13🔗 Adam And he has a normal sex drive for a 25-year-old guy. You as a wife need to understand that. That doesn't mean you have to bite on a wooden spoon while he penetrates you five times a night. That just means at normal intervals, a couple times a week, maybe once a week, if you can tolerate it, you have to be intimate with him. And the other thing too is I think you can sort of draw yourself into that. I mean, it's sort of like exercise. You don't, I mean, okay, here's what I want to say. We act like if a woman is, if one fiber for being is not interested in having sex at night, then by all means she should never have sex and no one should ever tell her she can have. No. You get married, you have a husband, he's 25, he's horny, he's been out on the road for a week driving an 18-wheeler, he comes in the room, he's got a boner, he wants some sex, feel free to give him a handy or a BJ. Let's face it, that's part of the relationship. And by the way, if not that, what's in it for us, marriage-wise? Just to yell that in front of the TV about Oprah, that's it, that's it. We build a house so you can yell at us in front of the TV.

1:10:18🔗 Drew And the same thing is true of if the roles are reversed. I mean, the guy's just going in just, you know.

1:10:24🔗 Adam Now, here's the thing, here's what happened. We got spoon-fed this crappy thing about 10 or 15 years ago where if a woman did not want to have sex 100 percent, not 99 percent, 100 percent, it was rape. It was sensual. You could rape your wife if she wasn't in the mood that night and you had intercourse with her.

1:10:41🔗 Drew Which you can do, but that's not what we're talking about here.

1:10:44🔗 Adam No, but I'm close.

1:10:44🔗 Kevin Nealon Can you get arrested for that?

1:10:45🔗 Drew Well, rape is a violent crime.

1:10:48🔗 Adam Oh, it is. Drew brought this up. It's a very important thing. Rape? Okay, okay, Kevin, rape is a violent crime. It's not a sexual crime, you understand? It is a crime of violence.

1:11:03🔗 Kevin Nealon And power.

1:11:04🔗 Adam And power, but mainly violence where you come at the end.

1:11:09🔗 Kevin Nealon Let me understand this, then. You're saying it's a crime of violence.

1:11:13🔗 Adam It's a violent crime. It's not a sexual crime. It is a crime of violence.

1:11:17🔗 Drew We ejaculate.

1:11:18🔗 Adam You come.

1:11:19🔗 Kevin Nealon You come.

1:11:20🔗 Adam It's no different.

1:11:21🔗 Adam Now let me explain something.

1:11:23🔗 Kevin Nealon Can you get violent somewhere else and have that same...

1:11:26🔗 Drew Well, he's gonna be an example.

1:11:27🔗 Adam It is no different than if I go in and violently assault a liquor store owner and rape him and come and...

1:11:37🔗 Drew No, no, no. Pistol whip him.

1:11:39🔗 Adam Pistol whip him.

1:11:40🔗 Drew And then ejaculate.

1:11:40🔗 Adam And ejaculate. It is no different than if there's an elderly man walking down the street and I stab him and take his wallet and come. And it's a violent, violent...

1:11:53🔗 Kevin Nealon Would that cause you to ejaculate?

1:11:56🔗 Adam It would, yeah. But I'm saying it's not a sexual crime. It's a violent crime where you come.

1:12:04🔗 Kevin Nealon So you really shouldn't let it matter to you.

1:12:06🔗 Adam No, I'm just saying a lot of people confuse it with a crime of a sexual crime.

1:12:11🔗 Kevin Nealon They're not really attracted to you, though.

1:12:14🔗 Adam This is violent.

1:12:15🔗 Kevin Nealon So not only...

1:12:15🔗 Adam It's like sports, you know, boxing, football. They're violent sports, if you can, if you can. If a guy punched you in the head and you ejaculated, that's what it would be like. So it's not a sexual. I'm just saying, do not confuse it for a sexual crime. Okay, so about the time that crap was being laid out in a society, somebody decided that you didn't have sex unless you were damn good and ready. And I'm saying, I don't think someone like Shirley's ever gonna have sex.

1:12:44🔗 Drew Not...

1:12:45🔗 Adam Because of what she's been through.

1:12:46🔗 Drew Yes, she's not gonna feel great about it.

1:12:48🔗 Adam And her husband has to be a good guy about it.

1:12:50🔗 Drew So he's hanging out.

1:12:50🔗 Adam But there's the other part too where you don't wanna do something and then you start doing it and halfway into the 20 minutes you've been running on the treadmill about minute number 10, you see her go, I'm glad I did it. That's not so bad. You can do that with sex. We've done it. Let's face it. There's been nights when we've not exactly. Drew is a man of extreme passion, never had that night. But I've had those nights where, you know, I'm just... That must be tough. You know, this one's for the team. I'm gonna lean into one. And...

1:13:19🔗 Kevin Nealon Now, would that be a crime of violence that you're talking about now?

1:13:22🔗 Adam It was. It was a violent violence. But I work, yes. On the hair. But it was a violent, violent, violent act. All right, we're gonna take a break. The great Kevin Nealon over here. Arguably the comedian's comedian and the thinking man's arguably a comedian. Gonna be at the Irvine Improv, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:13:45🔗 Caller Loveline, we'll be right back.

1:14:13🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, it's Loveline and Adam. Dr. Drew was paid by the emergency room, so he's calling the emergency hospital right now. Kevin Nealon. Dear, dear friend, Kevin Nealon here. And Kevin, arguably one of the funnest and funniest comics in the Irvine improv. That's this Thursday, Friday. And Saturday, Drew's back, all right? Everything cool? Yes? Good? Did they need to paid you?

1:14:41🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah. Uh-oh.

1:14:43🔗 Adam Because all the times they don't.

1:14:45🔗 Kevin Nealon Always wearing a pager.

1:14:46🔗 Drew Good times.

1:14:47🔗 Adam Really? What did you do? You asked for lactate ringers and D5W stat?

1:14:52🔗 Drew One or the other.

1:14:54🔗 Adam Oh, it's one or the other? It's either lactate ringers or D5W?

1:14:57🔗 Drew Actually, I tend to use D5 half.

1:14:58🔗 Adam D5 half? When I say, I go D5W. That's me. But lactate ringers?

1:15:03🔗 Drew It's a little hypotonic.

1:15:04🔗 Adam Too hypotonic? But would you use lactate ringers with D5W or be one or the other?

1:15:09🔗 Drew Lactate ringers. Because the surgeons use a lot of lactate ringers.

1:15:11🔗 Adam What's a lactate ringer? Something made with milk?

1:15:14🔗 Adam Yeah, what is a lactate ringer?

1:15:15🔗 Drew It's a replacement fluid, IV fluid.

1:15:18🔗 Adam Oh, really? Because it seems like something a Mexican whore might give you. An extra 10 bucks you go with the lactate ringer. You want the lactate ringer? It's going to cost you.

1:15:28🔗 Kevin Nealon You're thinking of a lactate rimmer.

1:15:31🔗 Adam My friend visited a Tijuana whore once when we were. In Tijuana and it was like 25 bucks for either BJ or Intercourse. Then when he went upstairs, found out it was like another 25 bucks for the room. This was many years ago. He was planning on spending 25 bucks. Then it was another 25 for the room. Then he changed his mind midstream and went from the BJ to the Intercourse as many guys will do. I think they're counting on that. I actually think secretly the prostitute hopes you start with the BJ because you're always going to switch gears. You see what I'm saying?

1:16:12🔗 Drew It's a marketing tool.

1:16:13🔗 Adam It's a marketing tool, in which case they charge you the extra 25.

1:16:18🔗 Drew Nice.

1:16:18🔗 Adam Yeah. It took a little while. It was a scene from Porky's. We were then caught by the bouncer pulling a bottle of tequila out from under the table and freshening up our expensive Pepsi's and were chased out of the joint and down the street and a buddy was in there on top of a teijuana whore. Nice. Paul?

1:16:38🔗 Yeah.

1:16:39🔗 Adam You're 22?

1:16:41🔗 Caller I'm 22.

1:16:41🔗 Kevin Nealon All right.

1:16:45🔗 Caller Well, I have what is arguably the most difficult situation I've ever had to face. I was dating a girl for two weeks. We broke up and she calls me a couple of weeks later and tells me she's pregnant.

1:17:03🔗 Adam Two weeks you've been dating her?

1:17:05🔗 Caller What's that?

1:17:05🔗 Adam Two weeks only.

1:17:07🔗 Caller Right. Two weeks. We met at a bar and two weeks she was kind of nutty, so I kind of had to get out. But anyway, she's pregnant now, fairly certain it's mine, probably about 95% sure. And what she's telling me is that she doesn't want to give the child up for adoption. I do, but obviously it's not my choice.

1:17:36🔗 Drew I was drifting off a little bit, worrying about this problem I got at the hospital. Did he?

1:17:39🔗 Adam Blackgate Ringers or the D5?

1:17:41🔗 Drew The D5 half. How long have they been together, these two?

1:17:44🔗 Adam Two weeks. They were together for two weeks. He met her at a bar. He really forgot to pull out. She called a few weeks later.

1:17:51🔗 Drew Are they still having a...

1:17:51🔗 Adam No, they broke up.

1:17:52🔗 Drew So there's a two week sort of hook up basically.

1:17:55🔗 Adam There was nothing.

1:17:56🔗 Kevin Nealon She's kind of a nutty girl.

1:17:58🔗 Adam She's nutty.

1:17:58🔗 Drew Do you want to get more involved with her?

1:18:00🔗 Adam No, no. She's nuts. She wants to keep the kid.

1:18:04🔗 Drew So what's the question?

1:18:06🔗 Caller We broke up and she kind of threatened suicide and went crazy and thought she was in love with me or whatever.

1:18:14🔗 Drew Maybe she's not pregnant.

1:18:16🔗 Caller What's that?

1:18:17🔗 Adam Could she be using this as a ploy?

1:18:19🔗 Caller I thought she was at first, but based on, you know. All right.

1:18:24🔗 Adam Okay. You're going to want to establish paternity with this one too. Here's the deal. You telling her to get an abortion or to give the kid up for adoption, she's probably not going to work if she's not. You're going to have to say to her, and this is about the only way you can sort of call her bluff, which is, look, if you insist on bringing the child to term and being the child's mother, fine, understand when the child is born, I'm going to have to get a paternity test before I then go ahead and start whatever. Now we'll get the paternity test, we'll establish that I am or am not the father, and if we establish I am, then of course I will be responsible financially, and we'll work that out. We'll not be together as a couple.

1:19:08🔗 Drew Well, we will not have a relationship, yeah, you've got to make that clear.

1:19:11🔗 Adam It's a bad situation.

1:19:14🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah, it's not the approach she came at me with, though. She came at me with, this is the situation, do you want to have any part in this? And in Texas, we, you know, I have the right, if I want to, to sign off parental rights and not have any responsibility or any rights for the child.

1:19:33🔗 Adam But financially?

1:19:35🔗 Caller Financially, I wouldn't have any responsibility. What?

1:19:41🔗 Adam Well, if the mother get, if you sign, it doesn't sound right.

1:19:46🔗 Caller No, it's in the state of Texas. All right.

1:19:49🔗 Kevin Nealon You know those Texans.

1:19:50🔗 Adam Yeah. So do you want to do that?

1:19:54🔗 Caller Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out. You know, I'm trying to look at it from both sides.

1:19:59🔗 Adam Well, okay.

1:20:00🔗 Caller I want to give up the child for adoption, but I don't have that choice.

1:20:04🔗 Adam Right. All right. Well, I would say you should tell her I want to give the child up for adoption. And if she won't agree to that, then I guess you can sign the paperwork. On the other hand, I would still insist on a paternity test after the kid comes out. And then thirdly or fourthly, if it is in fact your child, I imagine you're going to have some contact with it. On the other hand, is some contact worse than none? I sort of think limited is sort of worse.

1:20:34🔗 Drew In some ways it is, but at least he could send some money to the kid, support the child.

1:20:37🔗 Adam Yeah. I mean, shouldn't they just make up a story about how he was killed in a duel?

1:20:42🔗 Drew Oh, yeah.

1:20:42🔗 Adam Very brave.

1:20:43🔗 Drew Oh, of course.

1:20:44🔗 Adam Some guy called me a strumpet, and your father insisted on dueling him. And killed the man and was killed off the ricocheted bull pass through the guy's heart. So it's showing he was a marksman too.

1:20:58🔗 Drew Right, right.

1:21:01🔗 Adam Nicole.

1:21:02🔗 Yes.

1:21:03🔗 Adam You're 26.

1:21:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:21:05🔗 Adam You're remodeling your basement? You want to talk insulation?

1:21:11🔗 Caller Yeah, exactly.

1:21:13🔗 Adam What's the question?

1:21:15🔗 Caller I'm in Utah, so it gets cold here, but I swatted into like the thickness, but you know what I mean.

1:21:27🔗 Caller Like a quarter or what?

1:21:28🔗 Adam All right, hold on. Your basement is just the poured concrete walls?

1:21:33🔗 Caller Yeah, and the people that lived here before tried to put up, I guess, the...

1:21:38🔗 Adam Some paneling?

1:21:39🔗 Caller the spacer bars or whatever.

1:21:41🔗 Adam Yeah, they put sleepers on the wall and then put insulation between the sleepers and then put paneling or drywall up. What did they try to do then?

1:21:52🔗 Caller They tried to put up spacers and they're all... Some of them are a foot apart, some are two feet apart.

1:22:00🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:22:02🔗 Kevin Nealon Has this become a home improvement show?

1:22:03🔗 Adam It has now.

1:22:04🔗 Drew Partly.

1:22:05🔗 Adam They did a horrible job. Yes.

1:22:10🔗 Drew Take it down.

1:22:10🔗 Adam Okay. Here's what you got to do. Pull the crap they put off off. Did they just use two-by-fours on there?

1:22:18🔗 Caller No, it's like what they put was it is probably like two inches, they like two inches across and like half an inch thick.

1:22:28🔗 Adam Uh-huh.

1:22:29🔗 Caller And they're not even.

1:22:31🔗 Adam She's a victim.

1:22:32🔗 Caller Listen.

1:22:33🔗 Adam When were you molested, sweetie? You were raped by a contractor. Schneider. Listen. Listen. Nicole, are you drunk by the way or high or something?

1:22:45🔗 Caller Well, I've been drinking.

1:22:46🔗 Adam Okay. So you're not going to, it's going to be like a dream? I had a dream that Adam Carolla gave us some bad insulation advice. Listen to me.

1:22:53🔗 Kevin Nealon I don't understand. Is this really like an insulation question?

1:22:56🔗 Adam Yes. It is. All right. I'm going to answer the question. First off, you need to treat the concrete with something. You get some of that dry lock masonry paint or something and actually paint it, seal the concrete. The concrete is very porous by the way. Does not hold water. It leaks.

1:23:10🔗 Drew It's Utah. It's a tough old mountain.

1:23:12🔗 Adam Right. Number two, you need to put on something that you can put the drywall or paneling on to. That stuff needs to be womanized or treated or pressure treated. It can't just be raw wood. Everything there is going to get wet. It's all going to get mildew. It's all going to get screwed up. Seal the wall. Seal this basement wall. Then you can go ahead and put two by fours or two by six or whatever, but it's that green pressure treated stuff. It's good for termites and water.

1:23:40🔗 Adam Doesn't that stuff cause cancer though?

1:23:45🔗 Adam It does if you violate yourself with it, which I made a wooden leg out of it and then put it in me. I keistered it. I do have rectal cancer, yes.

1:23:57🔗 Adam It's good in the wall.

1:23:57🔗 Adam It's good. It's great in the wall. It's great for bottom place. The point is, is you do that. Now, the whole thing about insulation, insulation is measured in R-value, yes, R13 for the 2x4s, R19 for the 2x6. The bigger the span, the more insulation you can put in there, thus the greater R-value. Now you're burning space. Now you're making your basement that much smaller. You know what I'm saying? I, aha, and you got a mildew situation there. Here's what I would do. You ready? I would use the treated 2x4 sleepers on there, pop them on the wall after I seal the wall. Then I would take rigid insulation. It's flat. It's like a styrofoam. It's only about an inch and a half. Cut that, put it in the bay. That's not going to be as permeable with the water and stuff. Then put the drywall over that.

1:24:48🔗 Kevin Nealon There you go.

1:24:48🔗 Adam You get a little R-value. You get your sleepers. You don't have to worry about the run.

1:24:51🔗 Kevin Nealon Did you say 2x6?

1:24:53🔗 Adam I'd go 2x4.

1:24:54🔗 Kevin Nealon 2x4.

1:24:55🔗 Adam 2x4 flat.

1:24:56🔗 Kevin Nealon Flat. That's what I was going to say. So you're not burning space.

1:24:58🔗 Adam And then put the rigid. It's basically like foam. It's hard foam.

1:25:02🔗 Kevin Nealon What about that stuff they spray in the wall? The foam that they spray in there.

1:25:06🔗 Drew That's different stuff.

1:25:06🔗 Adam That's good stuff. There's the expanding stuff, the two-part stuff, and then there's the cellulose stuff, which is just sort of newspaper borax.

1:25:16🔗 Adam Which is also what women have sometimes in the back of their backs.

1:25:20🔗 Drew Now this.

1:25:20🔗 Adam Hewlett-Hows, everybody.

1:25:21🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:25:22🔗 Drew Take a break.

1:25:22🔗 Adam Christine.

1:25:23🔗 Drew Christine.

1:25:23🔗 Adam Oh, we got to take a break. Christine. You got your tongue pierced?

1:25:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:25:28🔗 Adam But you smoke meth?

1:25:31🔗 Caller No, I did.

1:25:32🔗 Caller But right now I'm in an outpatient rehab program.

1:25:35🔗 Adam Okay. But what's this have to do with construction? I don't know.

1:25:39🔗 Caller All right.

1:25:40🔗 Adam Hold on a second. All right. There you go, everybody. Am I boring you, Kevin? I just.

1:25:46🔗 Kevin Nealon The show just took a while to turn. I'm just trying to figure out what.

1:25:49🔗 Adam We can talk our value.

1:25:50🔗 Kevin Nealon Do people know that they can call in and talk construction, too?

1:25:52🔗 Drew Some do.

1:25:53🔗 Adam They rarely do. Boring bit.

1:25:55🔗 Kevin Nealon And I think you're more excited about that than the other conversations.

1:25:59🔗 Adam Oh, yes.

1:26:00🔗 Kevin Nealon I've seen you come alive when they started talking about insulation.

1:26:02🔗 Drew Our values, my God.

1:26:03🔗 Kevin Nealon Our values.

1:26:04🔗 Drew All right.

1:26:04🔗 Adam We'll take ourselves a little break. Kevin Nealon, arguably.

1:26:09🔗 Kevin Nealon No, no. It's not arguably anymore.

1:26:11🔗 Adam The best.

1:26:12🔗 Kevin Nealon Literally.

1:26:13🔗 Adam Literally. Literally. The best standup comedian that's ever worked, that's ever climbed onto a stage and will ever, will ever climb on stage long after he's gone, for the others trying to live up to him, but never, never even. I'm a climber. He's a climber. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back after this.

1:26:35🔗 Caller Love 191.

1:26:36🔗 Do I get pregnant if I do? Do I get addicted to afters when I pee?

1:27:06🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline, I'm Adam. Yeah, Kevin Nealon, the comedian's man's comedian. Yeah, he's the comedian's thinker. Funny, funny stuff, I'll tell you.

1:27:22🔗 Kevin Nealon And we've digressed a lot.

1:27:24🔗 Adam He really is funny. And he's gonna be at the Irvine Improv that is Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And go out there. And I'll tell you what, if you don't think he's funny, I'm gonna give you your money back. Yes, Drew?

1:27:37🔗 Drew You will.

1:27:38🔗 Adam How about that? Don't make me do it. And you know what else I'll do?

1:27:40🔗 Drew He's wild, Kevin, he is wild.

1:27:41🔗 Adam I will drop Trowell. I'm this close to dropping him.

1:27:46🔗 Drew I'll do it.

1:27:46🔗 Adam Tell him I'll drop Trowell.

1:27:48🔗 Drew He will do it.

1:27:48🔗 Kevin Nealon I believe it.

1:27:49🔗 Caller I believe it.

1:27:49🔗 Adam All right, Kevin, you ready to rock here, buddy?

1:27:52🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah, man, let's rock, man. I'm ready.

1:27:54🔗 Adam Christine?

1:27:56🔗 Caller Yes?

1:27:57🔗 Adam All right, so you pierced your tongue.

1:28:00🔗 Caller Yeah, I got it pierced like four months ago.

1:28:03🔗 Adam You smoke a little meth, but you quit.

1:28:07🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm in a rehab program and my crutch is smoking cigarettes.

1:28:12🔗 Adam Mm-hmm, all right.

1:28:16🔗 Caller Yeah, my parents want me to stop doing everything.

1:28:19🔗 Drew What's your question?

1:28:21🔗 Kevin Nealon How to kill our parents.

1:28:22🔗 Caller My parents' problem mainly is that I could get tongue cancer from smoking cigarettes.

1:28:28🔗 Drew No, no more than anybody else. Your parents need to go to Al and On. Your parents need to go to Al and On.

1:28:33🔗 Kevin Nealon Smoking will not give you tongue cancer?

1:28:35🔗 Drew No, what I said was no more so than somebody without a tongue piercing. Oh, that's what I meant. She was associating tongue piercing and to the...

1:28:43🔗 Kevin Nealon But smoking will give you...

1:28:44🔗 Drew Yeah, absolutely it can't. It's really pretty much only tobacco users that get cancer.

1:28:48🔗 Kevin Nealon Also colon cancer, but that's only if you inhale really deep.

1:28:51🔗 Adam Yeah, it's an...

1:28:53🔗 Drew Or as Adam has tried many times.

1:28:56🔗 Adam Rectally?

1:28:56🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:28:57🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:59🔗 Adam Well, you know. It's more of a gag, just to get the life and the mood.

1:29:04🔗 Drew But it's a great thing.

1:29:07🔗 Adam Some people draw a hot bath, I smoke rectally.

1:29:10🔗 Kevin Nealon I chew rectally.

1:29:12🔗 Drew I chew tobacco rectally.

1:29:13🔗 Adam He dips.

1:29:14🔗 Drew He dips and when he goes to the spittoon, it's just hysterical.

1:29:16🔗 Adam Oh, it's a great sound. And it coming out, I mean, mixed with the fart is awesome.

1:29:21🔗 Adam Can you hit the spittoon?

1:29:22🔗 Adam Yeah, it goes, boom. All right, hey Christine.

1:29:25🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

1:29:27🔗 Adam Look, here's the deal. Your parents sound concerned.

1:29:31🔗 Drew They need to go to Al-Anon.

1:29:31🔗 Adam I wouldn't be angry at them, but they need to go to Al-Anon. Yes, you smoking cigarettes.

1:29:36🔗 Caller Yeah, we were talking about in the program today and like we've been trying to work it out that I could smoke some cigarettes, but they just, you know, like I can't quit everything at once.

1:29:46🔗 Drew Well, look, actually the rule of thumb is that you should try to quit everything at once, but if you can't, that's certainly not understandable that cigarettes are not what are destroying your life right now.

1:29:53🔗 Adam Well, but secondhand smoke is a first rate killer. That's not, how many Americans died last year of secondhand smoke, Drew?

1:30:00🔗 Drew Four.

1:30:00🔗 Adam Four. I rarely, I read, I saw a billboard that Rob Reiner and company put up. It was like 55,000. Really? Four.

1:30:06🔗 Kevin Nealon Nobody talks about being killed by secondhand cars though.

1:30:09🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:30:09🔗 Kevin Nealon Which is probably a higher rate.

1:30:11🔗 Adam Yeah, absolutely. Careening off of lampposts and mailboxes.

1:30:15🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah, buying used cars that aren't safe.

1:30:17🔗 Adam Oh yeah. No, no, no, no.

1:30:19🔗 Kevin Nealon But that's another show.

1:30:20🔗 Adam Yeah. No, people who smoke are evil. So Christine, and Christine sounds angry at her parents and they need to go out and on. And look, oh my God, it's not no 17-year-old girls. I think they know everything and they got the tongue piercing. And I bet her parents are okay too, by the way. Christine?

1:30:36🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

1:30:37🔗 Adam What are your parents, attorneys?

1:30:40🔗 Caller No, my parents are entrepreneurs though. Like my mom has a promotional company.

1:30:45🔗 Adam All right. They make money, right?

1:30:47🔗 Caller Not really.

1:30:48🔗 Adam They don't?

1:30:49🔗 Caller Not too much, no.

1:30:51🔗 Adam No, I mean, they claim that. Do they live in a decent house and drive a decent car?

1:30:56🔗 Caller Pretty decent.

1:30:56🔗 Adam All right. Are you?

1:30:58🔗 Caller Right now, we're in debt and everything.

1:31:00🔗 Adam Are you angry at your parents?

1:31:02🔗 Caller I used to be. Right now, I'm just kind of like, I guess mutual with them.

1:31:08🔗 Adam Okay. Well, listen, try not to be bitter.

1:31:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:12🔗 Drew Just focus on your recovery.

1:31:14🔗 Adam Focus on sobriety.

1:31:15🔗 Caller Oh, and I'm 16 now.

1:31:16🔗 Caller I'm 17 tomorrow, literally.

1:31:19🔗 Adam Well, happy birthday. That's God willing, by the way. It's one day at a time. One day at a time. Okay. As a kid, I always walked around and I saw those bumper stickers everywhere, one day at a time. What's some of the other slogans of the program?

1:31:38🔗 Drew One day at a time is the big one.

1:31:39🔗 Adam Yeah. But there was, thanks, when I mentioned that one, there was a couple, there was a sober and sexy one. Easy does it. Easy does it. Thank you. I would see the rainbow tape, easy does it on almost every car in my neighborhood, which is probably not a good sign. A lot of smashed up front ends. I would see the easy does it and I never knew what it was. It was just like, I guess the easy does. It makes sense. It's like, here come the judge or something like that. Where's the beef? Easy does it. I never knew it was a sober guy thing.

1:32:13🔗 Kevin Nealon I didn't either.

1:32:15🔗 Adam Is this news to you now?

1:32:16🔗 Kevin Nealon Yeah, I never knew that.

1:32:17🔗 Adam Yeah, easy does it and what was the first one I said?

1:32:21🔗 Drew R equals radiant.

1:32:22🔗 Adam Oh, R equals radiant, by the way.

1:32:24🔗 Drew R value is a laboratory measurement of conductive heat transfer.

1:32:28🔗 Adam Yeah, that's a wordy bumper sticker, but I would see it every once in a while. Nerds, guys working at JPL down the street. Yeah, didn't I say R stood for radiant?

1:32:39🔗 Drew You did.

1:32:39🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:32:40🔗 Drew Genius.

1:32:41🔗 Adam Thank you. All right, Drew, by the way, both getting paid the same. Really? Drew returns calls to the hospital with the lactate ringers. He's on the phone with this old lady. He's probably shopping eBay now on the anchor of the show. And nope, get paid the same. Split it right down the middle. And by the way, I don't look at it as us getting paid the same. I look at it as a lump of money for the show and I choose to split it with you, Drew.

1:33:05🔗 Kevin Nealon Thank you. I present it in a higher tax bracket.

1:33:08🔗 Adam Yeah, well he is because I'm going 50-50 with him. If Rachman was still here, believe me, it wouldn't be in that bracket. Oh yeah, all right, I said it.

1:33:15🔗 Kevin Nealon There you go.

1:33:16🔗 Adam Matt? You're 24? All right, hold on. Let's talk to, pay the same. Jeremy?

1:33:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:33:25🔗 Adam You're 20?

1:33:26🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm 20. How you guys doing?

1:33:28🔗 Adam We're doing good. Good, good. You get nervous and your butt sweats.

1:33:32🔗 Caller Yes, it's kind of embarrassing.

1:33:34🔗 Adam And that's where it sweats?

1:33:35🔗 Caller Yeah, just only there, nowhere else. I can't figure it out. I mean, when I'm in the office all day sitting out, I get up in the frigging ring on my shorts.

1:33:43🔗 Adam That's right. And you're calling from Yuma, Arizona?

1:33:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:33:46🔗 Drew Where it's nice and cool. Yeah.

1:33:49🔗 Adam Yeah, all right. That's where you sweat. Yep. Not a whole lot, although I am a bit of an expert at this. Really? Yeah, here's basically what I know about sweating. People sweat in different places. I mean, there's the common ones, you know, under the arms, sometimes small in the back and sometimes like that. Sometimes people just sweat from the forehead. Sometimes they sweat from their ass. Usually people put out about the same amount of sweat. It's just people sweat in different places. Some people do sweat profusely. Guys sweat more than women and so on and so forth.

1:34:21🔗 Drew But mostly it's when it goes to like the hands or the head or the ass that it becomes a problem.

1:34:25🔗 Adam Yeah, by the way, guys who sweat on their ass will have dry armpits and you can feel sorry for all the guys who've gone out on dates with the big flop sweat rings underneath the guys who are pitting out with the khaki shirt on. And you got the ass that looks like the upside down heart. Okay, the point is not a whole lot you can do about it. Don't worry about it and start wearing jeans.

1:34:47🔗 Kevin Nealon Can I interject something here?

1:34:48🔗 Adam Stay away from the dockers. No, we're running late. We gotta take a break.

1:34:51🔗 Kevin Nealon All right.

1:34:51🔗 Adam Sorry, Kevin Nealon, arguably one of the best interjectors. All right, we'll be right back.

1:35:13🔗 Caller Call Loveline.

1:35:14🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:35:42🔗 Adam Hey everybody, that's the show. Ciao. I want to thank Kevin Nealon for coming in tonight. I had a great time. It was really, really fun. You were a delight, Kevin, as usual.

1:36:03🔗 Caller As always.

1:36:04🔗 Adam He's going to be at the Irvine Improv Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday this weekend. Again, I'm going to give you your money back if you don't bust a gut laugh at this guy. Funny, funny stuff.

1:36:05🔗 Caller Literally bust a gut.

1:36:06🔗 Adam Literally, literally. All right, James lights out Tony, one of the greatest boxers of all time, in here tomorrow night. He's coming like 67 and 3, and I'm going to spar with him.

1:36:12🔗 Drew I was going to say, are you going to tomorrow before you get here?

1:36:14🔗 Adam Yeah, so we'll have something to talk about. And he's a maniac.

1:36:16🔗 Drew Bring some video.

1:36:17🔗 Adam He's a maniac.

1:36:17🔗 Drew Bring video.

1:36:18🔗 Adam So there could be trouble. All right, so until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:36:27🔗 Caller Loveline.

1:36:29🔗 Adam The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or the station. The producer for Loveline is Aningold.

1:36:40🔗 Adam Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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