Thursday, June 10, 2004

5:10🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised.

5:18🔗 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist, Alanis Morissette is in the studio tonight. Good to see you again.

5:32🔗 Alanis Morissette Good to see you.

5:34🔗 Adam I'm going out on tour with the Bare Naked Ladies, by the way, which is, I don't think I've ever seen the Bare Naked Ladies live, but I do have a concert CD of theirs, and they're very good.

5:48🔗 Alanis Morissette They really are.

5:49🔗 Adam They're fun, right?

5:50🔗 Alanis Morissette Funny, great musicians.

5:52🔗 Adam Yeah.

5:52🔗 Alanis Morissette Very inspiring to me.

5:54🔗 Adam Yeah, let me, tell me what your take on this is, as someone, and we're only gonna talk about the Bare Naked Ladies for the first hour.

6:02🔗 Alanis Morissette Great.

6:03🔗 Adam And then we'll go on to They Might Be Giants, and then we'll get to Alanis Morissette. But, like the Bare Naked Ladies, I talk to people about the Bare Naked Ladies. I go, I love those Bare Naked Ladies. They're great guys, they're great musicians, they're a great band, and people are like, yeah, they sing that one song with the, and it's like, I'm always like, no, no, that's not their good song. They got a bunch of good songs. That's kind of their commercially almost crappy song that you're, that's the only way, your only knowledge of the band is through that one song that doesn't represent the band, which must, hasn't seemed to have happened in your career, but it does happen in a lot of careers.

6:40🔗 Alanis Morissette Well, whenever one song is trying to represent a group of people or one artist, I think it's an impossibility, so.

6:45🔗 Adam Yeah, but once in a while you get a chumbawamba, which is probably, the song was better than the band.

6:51🔗 Drew Yeah, and it represented everything about the band.

6:53🔗 Adam Yeah, we didn't like chumbawamba.

6:54🔗 Alanis Morissette Their highest vision is what that one song did.

6:57🔗 Adam Tub thumping. All right. So, CD out. We're going to hear something off it in the first hour. Drew, you got any questions for Alanis?

7:10🔗 Drew No, we're actually trying to cram two songs into this hour, I think.

7:13🔗 Adam Oh, we are?

7:15🔗 Drew Want to get one in right now?

7:16🔗 Adam Really? OK.

7:17🔗 Drew What do you think?

7:18🔗 Adam Let's do that.

7:18🔗 Alanis Morissette You guys are really cute to watch.

7:20🔗 Drew We promised Stryker we would see your cute Adam. It was good.

7:22🔗 Alanis Morissette I mean, he was just really fun.

7:24🔗 Adam I was just skipping rope like a madman, so I'm going to stop sweating it. So I'm going to mop my brow.

7:29🔗 Drew We promised Stryker we'd play it in the first few minutes so he could hear it driving home.

7:34🔗 Alanis Morissette Right. Shout out to Stryker.

7:35🔗 Adam All right, so Alanis Morissette, first song we're going to play. You cute up there? Yeah, it's called Eight Easy Steps. Yes? Comments? Is that fair? Is that fair assessment of your life?

10:53🔗 Alanis Morissette I just feel like over the last few years, especially, I'm just accepting more parts of myself, so there's not this struggle to not be something. I can be stupid and incredibly smart. I can be vulnerable and empowered and everything, so there's no real struggle against any part.

11:08🔗 Adam What is different about you now than six or seven years ago, let's say?

11:13🔗 Alanis Morissette I'm more comfortable with fame now. I had this inner conflict with fame all the time. I always felt like I was wrong somehow for being famous, and yet at the same time, my ego craved it.

11:22🔗 Adam Yeah. I'm almost guilty in a way.

11:25🔗 Alanis Morissette Guilty. So now I'm just using it. I use it to fulfill my personal life purpose and agenda.

11:31🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah.

11:34🔗 Alanis Morissette So and that is to inspire people or have people define who they are in the world.

11:38🔗 Drew That's why Adam lost you, because his is to make lots of money.

11:40🔗 Alanis Morissette Well, that's a great agenda, too.

11:41🔗 Adam Yeah.

11:42🔗 Alanis Morissette I love that one, too. Money's great.

11:44🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, there's nothing wrong with that, and I hate it when celebrities pretend like they're not trying to get paid for what they do.

11:51🔗 Alanis Morissette Money's fantastic. Money's a form of thank you-ness.

11:55🔗 Adam Yeah.

11:55🔗 Alanis Morissette You know. So bring it.

11:57🔗 Adam Yeah, and it frees you up.

11:59🔗 Alanis Morissette Mm-hmm.

12:00🔗 Adam And you can do good things for other people with money.

12:03🔗 Alanis Morissette Yeah.

12:04🔗 Adam Ask my loser dad with his Lexus, at least. Inform me. Inform me the lease was coming up, and he's looking to move into a Jag the other day.

12:13🔗 Alanis Morissette And are you going to go with that?

12:14🔗 Adam Yes. But what he doesn't know is he's getting a little one, which is really the price of like a Ford Taurus. But he doesn't know anything about cars, and thank Christ he doesn't listen to the radio show. That's the point. Don't tell him. Don't anyone tell him. Katie? Katie?

12:32🔗 Yes?

12:33🔗 Adam You're 22?

12:34🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

12:35🔗 Adam What's up?

12:36🔗 Caller Well, I just had a few questions. When I was younger, probably about 12 or 13, I noticed that my grandfather was like a little too close to me, and it freaked me out really bad. And I've always... Well, he used to just... when he hugged me, it was always when nobody else was in the room. And he'd put his hand on my skin, on my back, but he'd never touch anything, like he'd never touch my breast or anything like that. But he'd tell me, you know, I felt so good and that I had a really nice body and just stuff that you wouldn't really want your grandpa to say to you.

13:15🔗 Drew Yeah.

13:15🔗 Adam But I mean, what do you... I don't know. This is... Creepy is creepy.

13:21🔗 Drew It's creepy.

13:22🔗 Adam It's not destructive. But there's ways to say you have a really nice body that aren't creepy. You know what I mean? But you can't say it that way. No, I'm just... I'm asking you. Hold on a second. We need to talk. Is there something going on here? Because she's almost calling her grandfather a molester, but yet so far all we get is a hug and then you have a nice body. Creepy is creepy, but I'm wondering...

13:50🔗 Drew I think she's just curious. I don't think she's screwed up by it.

13:53🔗 Adam Katie?

13:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

13:55🔗 Drew What is your question?

13:56🔗 Caller Well, I just don't know. I've always kind of wondered if it was something that I should have been uncomfortable about or if I was just kind of taking it like the wrong way. And I guess...

14:07🔗 Drew I think the way you took it is fine. It sounds a little bit creepy, a little bit of a boundary violation, but it's not destructive. It's not something that has to trouble you the rest of your life.

14:17🔗 Adam Well, is he good? How is he overall, beside the hugging part?

14:23🔗 Caller He's a good man. I mean, I love him.

14:25🔗 Drew How are you overall? Were there other problems with other men that maybe have sort of sensitized you?

14:31🔗 Caller It took me a while to get close to anybody, but I don't know if that's why or not. I mean, to have any type of physical relationship with anybody, like if a guy started to make a move on me, I'd freak out. But now I'm okay with it.

14:45🔗 Drew I'm just wondering if something else happened that made you super sensitive to your grandfather.

14:50🔗 Caller Not that I know of, no.

14:52🔗 Drew You're fine now, right?

14:53🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm fine now. I just kind of always wondered, like, because I feel guilty for even...

14:58🔗 Adam All right, well, then start, all right, then start, okay.

15:01🔗 Drew Do let it go.

15:03🔗 Adam He's a good guy. He loved you and didn't really do anything. It was more of a feeling. And I understand that can mean something sometimes, but he never really did anything, did he?

15:13🔗 Drew It's time to let it go.

15:15🔗 Adam All right, so let it go. You're torturing yourself with it.

15:18🔗 Drew Forget how you think about him. You're taking it out on yourself.

15:21🔗 Adam Or just include society. You might as well just make everyone into this, right? Every camp counselor, every gym coach, everybody. I don't know what's up. Something's up with you, right?

15:33🔗 Caller I don't know. I just felt really weird. And then like every time that we were alone together, it was the only time that he would act like that. And then I was always afraid to be along with him and, but it never went further than that. So I can't, you know.

15:49🔗 Drew I don't know. Let it go. Deep cleansing breath.

15:53🔗 Adam Something's up with Katie.

15:56🔗 Drew But I think it's solid. We're not going to get to it.

15:57🔗 Adam All right. I bet good times. You know, Leo?

16:00🔗 Drew It's all kinds.

16:01🔗 Adam It does. Leo? Yes. You're 23?

16:04🔗 Caller How you doing?

16:06🔗 Adam What's happening?

16:06🔗 Caller Dr. Drew, I'm Corolla.

16:07🔗 Adam Yeah. You're the Leo the Caller? Say hi to Alanis Morissette. Yeah. What's up?

16:16🔗 Caller The show cannot be without y'all. I'm in the military.

16:24🔗 Adam Shocking. Thought he was a Harvard boy.

16:27🔗 Drew And?

16:27🔗 Adam Yes.

16:29🔗 Caller No. I just come back from Iraq in April.

16:38🔗 Drew How was it?

16:39🔗 Caller What did you do over there?

16:41🔗 Caller I was in a company where I was in a very small camp, and I was easily shot at. It was crazy, I guess, but I was a tank mechanic.

16:56🔗 Adam Tank mechanic?

16:57🔗 Caller Yes.

16:59🔗 Adam Did you get shot at?

17:00🔗 Caller Yes, often.

17:02🔗 Adam Really? That's a friendly fire.

17:07🔗 Caller No.

17:08🔗 Adam No. But you made it back in one piece.

17:12🔗 Caller Yeah, I did.

17:13🔗 Adam And now you have the very valuable skill of tank repair to take out to society.

17:19🔗 Caller Yes, of course.

17:21🔗 Adam You could probably move that into all treaded vehicles.

17:24🔗 Drew All tractor vehicles.

17:26🔗 Adam Tractor treaded vehicles. It's not just tanks, it's half tracts.

17:30🔗 Drew Who would track to be with a huge cannon on top of it, especially as we don't want to see it.

17:34🔗 Adam But if you didn't specialize in the cannon part. All right, Leo, what's up?

17:39🔗 Caller I guess my mom and I, we have a great marriage week. We really do.

17:46🔗 Adam You and your wife?

17:47🔗 Caller Yes. And since I've been back, I just, for about the first few weeks, we were having sex once or twice, once or twice a day, and since then, it's pretty much died off.

18:06🔗 Drew And can we rephrase that and say it's sort of gone back to normal?

18:13🔗 Caller Before I left, it was pretty often.

18:17🔗 Adam Oh, really?

18:18🔗 Caller At least once a day.

18:21🔗 Adam Wow, so it's died off, and it's died way off. Off your usual. Have you asked her about that?

18:28🔗 Caller Yeah, I have. And I guess she tells me that she's worried about me going back.

18:51🔗 Adam I mean, Israel and Palestine, I mean, give those kids just a couple of... What day is it, Drew? What day is it? Thursday?

18:57🔗 Drew It's done by Tuesday, I'm sure of it.

18:59🔗 Adam I'm sure of it. I'm counting on the weekend.

19:01🔗 Drew Oh, done by the weekend.

19:05🔗 Adam Well, I mean, I'm just talking Palestine and the Jews and Lebanon and Syria, those kids, the great group, the great... You can't judge, they're great people. And they just got to bang out. They're just dotting the I's and crossing the T's. Just by this, maybe Tuesday, Tuesday latest. So when they ship Leo back, it's going to be nothing. They're probably working on a date farm or something, just kind of chilling, smoking out of a hookah pipe, hearing distant sitar music.

19:34🔗 Drew So Leo's got a pyramid. What else? A problem where his wife is feeling close to him and it's breaking her out. She wants to protect herself from those feelings of closeness. And she's going to punish him in the meantime.

19:46🔗 Adam Not intentionally.

19:47🔗 Drew Not intentionally, but that's what's happening.

19:49🔗 Adam So Leo. This is going to be a tough one. And I don't know, Alanis, do you have any thoughts on this?

19:58🔗 Caller This is definitely a women's point of view on it.

20:00🔗 Adam Well, you could probably command her to have sex with Leo if she's a big enough fan.

20:04🔗 Alanis Morissette So is she afraid of you leaving again? Is that what's happening? She's a good chance.

20:08🔗 Caller We were very, very close and then she fell by me joining the army and then leaving as me kind of abandoning her.

20:17🔗 Adam Resentment. She resents you in a way.

20:22🔗 Caller In a way.

20:23🔗 Alanis Morissette Was it a unilateral decision? This whole, when you were about to leave, did you both sit down and talk about it and go through all of the-

20:31🔗 Drew Or did you just do it?

20:32🔗 Alanis Morissette Or did you just go?

20:33🔗 Caller Well, we had got together pretty much as I was joining the army and that was just before the war started and I wasn't expecting to be gone as much as I am.

20:46🔗 Adam Right. And there's a whole lot of people over there, I'm sure, who figured, you know, I'm going to sign up, I'm going to learn a skill, I'm going to get a little money toward college and all of a sudden they're in Iraq and it's like, what the F? What's going on? I thought I was going to be Mississippi. Right.

21:03🔗 Caller Well, I mean, I was a faithful husband.

21:07🔗 Adam You were?

21:09🔗 Caller Yes, as opposed to many of those who weren't and I'm confident she was a faithful wife.

21:15🔗 Caller I mean, she's a great woman and those that were not faithful, who were they not faithful with?

21:24🔗 Caller People in the army.

21:25🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

21:26🔗 That's all you got over there.

21:29🔗 Caller People who were there with.

21:31🔗 Adam Yeah. And by the way, I was thinking about this in the past, you got a nice German gal. You know what I mean? You're over there. You're in France. You know, hey, baby, daddy's home. Bring the roses. Now you're in Iraq. What do you got? I mean, you know what I'm saying? I mean, you got a sheet hanging. You don't know what's going on. I mean, really, I mean, think about how much these guys were getting laid. Like in France, they just, wait, we live, hey, D-Day, hey, Liberated, hey, come and get it, ladies. I'm here. Come out of hiding. Come on up. Bring in the dinner bell. Now you're in Iraq. You're going to be, you think like 20 years from now, we have like a lot of Iraqi wives running around here and like Iraqi half kids and, oh, military, you know what I'm saying?

22:14🔗 Caller Not going to happen. Most of the women there, like the, the Iraq women, they would look at us and like smile at us.

22:22🔗 Adam Oh, really?

22:23🔗 Caller And their men would just straight up hit them. I mean, wherever they had a whip, whip for the donkey or just their fist.

22:34🔗 Adam She should have her hands cut off. We can't judge, by the way, it's a great culture. And all cultures are the same.

22:40🔗 Caller Yeah.

22:41🔗 Adam Don't ever forget that.

22:43🔗 Caller I was faithful. I mean, I love more death than death.

22:46🔗 Adam All right.

22:47🔗 Alanis Morissette My thought would be just to validate her, you know, her fear of you leaving again and any issues that came up while you were gone. And slowly but surely, I think if you just listen to her and validate her and vice versa, I think you can get back on track if there's some track to get back to at all.

23:04🔗 Adam Well, and get out of the mode of begging for sex or manipulating for sex, like all guys who want sex from their partners, stop the sex angle. You got to work the listening angle.

23:20🔗 Alanis Morissette Listening is godliness.

23:22🔗 Adam Yeah, you got to pretend to listen. You got to feign interest. Feign interest. Watch, Drew, practice. Oh, yeah.

23:30🔗 Alanis Morissette You're going to pretend to be the husband?

23:32🔗 Drew Say, I'm the wife. Oh, you're the wife.

23:34🔗 Adam Yes, they're talking about work.

23:36🔗 Drew Oh, the kids today were such a pain. I've carted them all over. You have no idea. Oh, you're interested?

23:42🔗 Adam Your shoulders must be tight.

23:44🔗 Drew You have no idea.

23:45🔗 That's terrible listening.

23:47🔗 Adam You're storing your tension. You're storing your tension. You're storing it in your neck. Oh, you're storing it in your neck. My gosh. I thought I had a hard job at being a doctor and doing the radio. No harder job than housewife and mother.

24:03🔗 Drew Thank you. Thank you.

24:04🔗 Adam And devoted.

24:05🔗 Drew People don't realize that.

24:06🔗 Adam Horny wife. I mean, yeah. No, you got to listen. You got to just start listening. Then a little massage is nice.

24:17🔗 Alanis Morissette And empathy goes a long way.

24:19🔗 Adam Yeah. The love.

24:20🔗 Drew Well, here's the point of the problem with guys. We want to fix everything. So you start complaining. We're like, well, what are we going to do about that? Now you're angry. Now you're angry. You're like, hey, whoa, I didn't ask for a solution. I just wanted you to listen. Right.

24:30🔗 Adam And then that's it. So guys have two modes. When the lady comes home and she's had a tough day and she's talking about work and she's like that Tammy in the other cubicle, she always looks, she gives me the stink eye and she's jealous because she's fat. And it's like, oh, OK, we got to rig her car. We got to cut her brake lines. What do you know where she lives?

24:52🔗 Drew How dare you?

24:53🔗 Adam How?

24:53🔗 Drew What are you talking about?

24:54🔗 Adam So so guys have that most guys have. We've got to go get Tammy, that's like number one mode and the other's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. A race? What?

25:06🔗 Alanis Morissette And neither of them work, right?

25:07🔗 Adam Yeah, neither one work. No, what they want is, oh my God, that must make you feel horrible and how do you feel?

25:14🔗 Drew Too much. Well, OK. No, I understand.

25:17🔗 Adam Oh, no.

25:18🔗 Alanis Morissette And you can say back what you heard in your own way.

25:21🔗 Adam Parodying works wrong, too.

25:23🔗 Alanis Morissette It really works.

25:23🔗 Adam Yeah. But you can't do that robot voice.

25:26🔗 Alanis Morissette You can't do robot.

25:27🔗 Adam Tammy, bitch. Does not compute.

25:30🔗 Alanis Morissette Hard, cubicle, next door.

25:33🔗 Adam Yeah.

25:33🔗 Alanis Morissette Little mirroring, little validation.

25:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

25:36🔗 Alanis Morissette Little loving.

25:36🔗 Adam You got to do that. And everything start, like start with a massage.

25:41🔗 Touch is great.

25:42🔗 Alanis Morissette Little love.

25:43🔗 Adam Let me draw you a bath. You look like you use a bath.

25:47🔗 Alanis Morissette And then let go.

25:48🔗 Adam Yeah.

25:48🔗 Alanis Morissette You drew it.

25:49🔗 Adam I'm talking to you. Actually, I do that. Let me light a candle. I'm going to light a candle. I'm going to draw a bath. Julie?

25:59🔗 Yes.

25:59🔗 Adam You're 24?

26:01🔗 Caller Yes.

26:01🔗 Adam You have a tough day at work?

26:02🔗 Drew Seriously, why would a guy light a candle?

26:04🔗 Adam A guy would light a candle if he broke wind. That's it. Or to get some, yeah, something happened. A friend vomited in a potted plant or something.

26:13🔗 Drew Electricity's out.

26:14🔗 Oh, yeah.

26:16🔗 Adam Julie?

26:17🔗 Caller Yes.

26:18🔗 Adam What's up? Tough day at work?

26:21🔗 Caller I'm actually on my way to work.

26:23🔗 Adam Oh, sweetie.

26:24🔗 Caller Yeah. I work the gray shift. Somebody's got to do it.

26:27🔗 Adam Where do you work?

26:29🔗 Caller I work at the jail, county jail. Wow.

26:32🔗 Drew Overnights.

26:33🔗 Caller Yeesh. Uh-huh. First of all, thank you guys for everything you do. I'm sure you've helped so many people.

26:41🔗 Adam Probably a lot of the people you go see at work.

26:43🔗 Caller That's right. Well, first I wanted to ask Dr. Drew. I've been reading his book, Crack, just about halfway through it. And I had a question about, in the beginning, he said all of his patients have in common is that they've experienced trauma early in their life.

27:02🔗 Drew Yeah. And maybe we didn't specify that clearly enough in the book. It's every single one of my inpatients. And it's not the case that only you have to have trauma in order to develop addiction. But if your addiction is serious enough that it needs an in-hospital treatment, in my experience, all of those patients have trauma histories.

27:24🔗 Caller Because I have a brother who's an addict and we're just trying to figure him out. And I can't think of any trauma he's had as a child.

27:32🔗 Drew Well, you've got to remember it's not just the environment, but the experience of the environment that is key. And so while to those of you around him, he may have seen like there had been any trauma, but to him there may have been. So you've got to question him about that if he's ready to talk about it.

27:49🔗 Adam Well, and also trauma doesn't need to be overt sort of movie, the weak trauma, you know, priest molest him or something. Right. It can just be simple stuff.

27:58🔗 Drew Again, it's experience that counts.

28:01🔗 Adam Julie. Women's prison?

28:04🔗 Caller There is a women's unit. It's pretrial, you know, so it's everybody before they go.

28:11🔗 Drew It's jail, not prison.

28:13🔗 Adam Uh-huh. And what do you do?

28:15🔗 Caller I'm a, well, funny, I'm a nurse there. I hand out med, uh, pills, you know.

28:21🔗 Adam Yeah. My God.

28:22🔗 Drew What's the popular, Respiradol?

28:24🔗 Adam I drive through, I drive through a bad neighborhood. I want to kill myself. I couldn't imagine going to prison.

28:28🔗 Drew But what's the, is it Seroquel, Respiradol, Zofrexone?

28:32🔗 Caller Not everybody's on psych meds there. There's a lot of Motrin, just for people, vaccines. But we do have a mental health unit where it's a lot of Respiradol, Depakote, Seroquel, stuff like that.

28:43🔗 Adam Is it, uh, are you, so people are just awaiting trial?

28:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:47🔗 Adam Most, what are most people in there for?

28:51🔗 Caller Um, drug-related, gang-related, a lot of gang-related items. Um, the females, mostly for fraud or drug-related. I don't really get too much into it. Then I, I kind of change as a person, you know, as a nurse, I see him maybe in a bad way and might not give him the same care, you know? So I try not to figure out what...

29:12🔗 Adam Yeah, you don't want to find out that the guy, uh, stabbed his, uh, retarded twins. You'd rather just think he's in there because he had a pot plant. Right. Yeah. Because otherwise...

29:23🔗 Alanis Morissette It's a little easier to give mind off to that person.

29:26🔗 Adam Yeah, that's right. They got a little cramps. Period in the joint. Do you know what I mean?

29:32🔗 Drew It must all happen at once.

29:33🔗 Adam They must all sync up. Yeah, because if women who work together, if their periods will sync up, then imagine spending, you know, 24-7 for 30 years. It's one big, one big period.

29:44🔗 Drew I mean, for the shining.

29:44🔗 Adam I'd have to clear out. That is grotesque.

29:50🔗 I think it's beautiful.

29:51🔗 Adam Yeah, I mean, it's beautiful. See, that's what I would say. Oh, that's beautiful, baby.

29:55🔗 It is beautiful.

29:56🔗 Adam Now, let me get that tampon for you. You need a fresh one? I'm heading for the bathroom. You need a fresh tampon? You OK?

30:04🔗 Alanis Morissette This is great. Your tents?

30:06🔗 Adam You can store all your tents in your vagina. Want a massage?

30:09🔗 Drew It's just been released right now.

30:10🔗 Adam Let me, yes. Alanis Morissette is here. We're going to get the show back on track, so called Chaos, name of the CD, going to be on Conan O'Brien in Good Morning America, June 23rd. When's Conan then? Is that June? The same day?

30:28🔗 Alanis Morissette The day before. The 22nd.

30:31🔗 Adam All right. Well, that's a great, oh, well, it doesn't really tape that late. You can make it. It's cool. Yeah. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Loveline. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Alanis Morissette is in studio tonight. Now, let me say this about Alanis. Now, sometimes people call you Alanis, right?

31:13🔗 Alanis Morissette Sometimes. It's an American thing, I think.

31:15🔗 Adam The Alanis?

31:16🔗 Alanis Morissette It's the ah, Mazda.

31:17🔗 Adam Maybe it's an East Coast thing or something. I don't know. I wanna go Alanis.

31:22🔗 Alanis Morissette Alanis is Canadian.

31:24🔗 Adam Yeah, and I'm hip. And here's my thing. However you pronounce it, Sweet Pea, that's how I pronounce it.

31:30🔗 Alanis Morissette Alanis.

31:31🔗 Adam It's good. Okay, there you go. I, you know, I don't like it when, you know, your dad insists on changing Bin Laden to Bin Laden and that kind of stuff. Like, look, well, whatever it is, that's all. That's what it is. It's, however it's pronounced, that's the way we're gonna pronounce it.

31:49🔗 Alanis Morissette We have to ask, I guess, the actual person how they want it.

31:52🔗 Adam I talked, I talked to Betty Lane.

31:54🔗 Alanis Morissette What did he say?

31:55🔗 Adam He said, it's Ben Laden.

31:57🔗 Alanis Morissette Really?

31:58🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm going with. That's all I can say about that. Let's go back to the phones and speak to, oh, oh, I wanted to kiss Alanis's, no, Alanis's. Now I'm screwed up, Ben Laden. Aladdin.

32:14🔗 Caller You say, me laden.

32:15🔗 Drew Atlantic.

32:16🔗 Adam You say, Ben Laden.

32:17🔗 Drew Like Atlantic.

32:17🔗 Caller I say, Ben Laden. Ben Laden. Ben Laden. Ben Laden.

32:21🔗 Adam Let's call the whole thing off. That's a good song. All right, but let me say this. You know, okay, you see some, some performers are a little angry, but they get their edge. I mean, they're like, they're like a prize fighters. You know, they're a little hungry because they're on the streets. Fierce. And then they get, they get a nice, they get a nice pad and they get a comfortable life. And then all of a sudden they're not so tough anymore. They don't, they don't work as hard. They don't train as hard. And then they start losing.

32:48🔗 Alanis Morissette Interesting.

32:49🔗 Adam Not you. Not you. You just, you change gears in a little different direction. You're happy and you're making good music and selling records.

32:57🔗 Alanis Morissette Thanks. It's a passion to me. Passionate anger, passionate, you know, being bored. Passionate anything.

33:04🔗 Adam Drew's a passionate man.

33:06🔗 Alanis Morissette Are you?

33:07🔗 Adam Yeah.

33:07🔗 Alanis Morissette Well, you seem it.

33:08🔗 Adam Yeah.

33:09🔗 Drew Especially leaning back here in the dawning tonight, you can tell he's bursting out of it.

33:13🔗 Adam He could overwhelm you with his passion. Yeah. He could flood this room with his passion. No, he really is. Some people, and I don't know how it works, seem to just have a little more passion. Right.

33:26🔗 Alanis Morissette A little more fire.

33:27🔗 Adam Drew's one of them. Oh, he's got a volcano.

33:29🔗 Caller And it looks, yeah.

33:31🔗 Adam He's right above.

33:32🔗 Alanis Morissette It looks different in every person too.

33:35🔗 Adam Yeah.

33:35🔗 Drew It looks different in every person.

33:36🔗 Alanis Morissette The passion looks different in every person.

33:37🔗 Drew Comes in different ends. Packaged differently. Yeah. Yeah, so you think Adam's a passionate guy, but.

33:42🔗 Adam No, I don't have passion.

33:43🔗 Drew The engine's an idol. Like a clutch is in.

33:45🔗 Adam I don't have passion. You don't? Not really.

33:47🔗 Drew Your passion for napping.

33:49🔗 Adam Well, you show up, so there's gotta be something. And I do get fired up about stuff that doesn't seem to matter to other people, but I wouldn't call myself a passionate man where Drew is brimming with passion. He drips and it was his passion. Yes, thank God he's wearing absorbent socks. Otherwise, passion would run right into his loafer. That's right. Jessica?

34:12🔗 Caller Yeah?

34:12🔗 Adam You're 20?

34:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:14🔗 Adam Oh, that's right. Yeah. Wait a minute, you're a boyfriend in jail. Oh, I saw jail and I thought, wait a minute, was that the nurse?

34:21🔗 Caller No.

34:21🔗 Adam No, your boyfriend's in jail.

34:23🔗 Caller He's in prison, yeah.

34:24🔗 Adam Oh, prison?

34:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

34:25🔗 Adam Better yet. What's he in for and don't say parole violation.

34:31🔗 Caller Oh no, he's in for violation of a restraining order.

34:34🔗 Drew Oh, of course, he goes to prison for that.

34:36🔗 Adam Yeah, sure, because it's like probably 150 feet and he came, he went 146 feet.

34:42🔗 Drew He's from prison.

34:43🔗 Caller He didn't go to her. He called her on the phone.

34:46🔗 Adam And that's why he's in prison.

34:48🔗 Drew Not just jail, but prison because of violating.

34:51🔗 Caller Yeah, he called her like four times just to see his daughter and then she'd call the cops and say he was harassing her.

34:56🔗 Drew Yeah, so four times he violated the now.

34:59🔗 Caller Yeah, they gave him eight months for it.

35:01🔗 Adam Listen, he's gotta have some priors.

35:04🔗 Caller What do you have before this?

35:10🔗 Drew How dare you?

35:11🔗 Adam He's such a great guy, how can he have priors?

35:13🔗 Drew And it's all that bitch, that girl.

35:15🔗 Caller Yeah, but people change.

35:17🔗 Adam Sure.

35:18🔗 Caller They're not always gonna be bad.

35:19🔗 Adam No, not always.

35:21🔗 Drew Yeah, Jessica, they can change with years of therapy. But if somebody's not doing work, they ain't gonna change. They'll make you think they've changed to get their needs met, to manipulate you, but they do not change.

35:33🔗 Adam Well, first off, let me ask you this. Why should he need to change? A guy was just trying to see his daughter.

35:38🔗 Drew Right, it's not his fault.

35:39🔗 Caller It's not that he needs to change, it's like from his past. That's what I meant, you said he had priors. Well, you know, he's changed from that, he's an adolescent.

35:47🔗 Adam He's a new man. Okay, all right, how old is he?

35:50🔗 Caller He's 21.

35:51🔗 Adam All right, well, that sounds like he's totally reformed.

35:57🔗 Drew You gotta get, seriously, you need to get on this planet and look realistically at what he does and not assume everything he tells you is 100% accurate.

36:07🔗 Caller Oh, believe me, I do. We've had long, long talks and there's been a lot of questioning involved.

36:12🔗 Drew Okay, the talks will accomplish nothing.

36:15🔗 Adam Were those talks through the holes that were drilled in the plexiglass that was between you?

36:21🔗 Drew All right, the talks are not gonna help.

36:22🔗 Adam I'll tell you, if I knew I was going in the joint, I would get one of those plexiglass. I wouldn't mind-

36:26🔗 Drew Did you still walk around with this?

36:28🔗 Adam I wouldn't mind one anyway, but just my wife and I, first off, she spits a lot when she talks. Secondly, we argue, you know, and then if I was right, and we could do that thing where we touched, you know, put our hand-

36:39🔗 Drew Put our hand.

36:41🔗 Adam I would just roll it around and she'd start turning around. And then I'd be like, at a certain point, I'd be like, I gotta go. I gotta go. And I just hang the phone back up and I walk into the bathroom. You know, it'd just be funny to have, Drew, come on. You're a passionate man, yeah. Jessica? All right, so he's out in eight months.

37:03🔗 Caller Yeah, well, he gets out in November.

37:05🔗 Adam All right, and then what?

37:07🔗 Caller Well, then he needs, he's gonna work on getting custody of his daughter or visitation rights. But the problem is, is that the mother of the daughter, of his daughter, has been like, she'll write him letters in prison and saying that she loves him and wants to let him see his kid and stuff and wants to make it easy. And then when he, and he tells her to write her back, but then when he does, she turns it into the cops and she calls to his mom's house and makes a lot of threads and she tells him that he can't see any of his family or anything like that if he wants anything to do with his daughter.

37:41🔗 Drew Would you say that again? He can't see his family?

37:47🔗 Adam I gotta get, you know what? I love these women. Do you have a sister? Do I have a sister? You know what I want? Here's my fantasy where, you know, those like springer episodes where the guy gets busted cheating and the two chicks he's nailing are duking it out in front of him instead of beating the crap out of him. That's what this is.

38:06🔗 Drew He's sleeping with this old girlfriend too, I can feel that.

38:09🔗 Adam Yeah, good luck. And how much more baggage, how long does this guy's rap sheet need to get? How many kids does he need to have? How many wrecked relationships that flare up every once in a while? Jessica, you're 20, right?

38:24🔗 Caller Right.

38:25🔗 Adam How about you find a nice college kid? Nice 22 year old guy? Low mileage? Low mileage, low mileage, huh?

38:34🔗 Caller I'm happy with the one I have.

38:36🔗 Alanis Morissette How long have you been together?

38:38🔗 Caller We've been together for a year and a half now.

38:41🔗 Adam You're unhappy with?

38:42🔗 Drew How old is he?

38:43🔗 Caller He's 21.

38:45🔗 Adam Yeah, all right. You're not happy with this guy?

38:48🔗 Caller No, I am. I'm very happy with him.

38:50🔗 Adam Well, I know.

38:51🔗 Caller And it's just sometimes when he's upset and he doesn't know what to do with like Sarah and stuff.

38:56🔗 Adam That's his daughter, yeah.

38:58🔗 Caller No, that's the lady.

39:00🔗 Adam That's the lady, yeah, sorry. I just, I gotta check my beach here. Producer, and that's the daughter. Okay, all right, but look, okay, here's the thing. As you know, I'm a genius, yes?

39:13🔗 Caller Yes.

39:14🔗 Adam And literally a millionaire. All right, so here's the thing. I know you think you know things. You don't know anything. This guy is not a great guy. All his amazing predicaments that have nothing to do with him have everything to do with him. You're screwed up. God knows where your dad is or where he was.

39:34🔗 Drew Or what he did to you.

39:34🔗 Adam I'm sure he deserves a good kick in the nuts.

39:38🔗 Caller My dad's not alive anymore.

39:40🔗 Adam Yeah. That, I was.

39:43🔗 Drew Hoping.

39:43🔗 Adam I was feeling that, yeah. What happened? All right.

39:50🔗 Drew Drug overdose?

39:51🔗 Caller No, he drowned.

39:53🔗 Drew Alcohol?

39:54🔗 Caller No.

39:55🔗 Drew Okay, that doesn't happen. Humans don't do that. That's true. All right, that does not happen. There's no such thing. Your brain will not let that happen. There has to be, has to be suppressed by some chemical or some severe medical problem.

40:12🔗 Adam No.

40:12🔗 Drew People do not drown in the bathtub, period.

40:14🔗 Adam You know how it is. You're swimming, you're floating on your back in the pool and you doze off.

40:18🔗 Drew Yeah, just that's it. Proceed to the bottom.

40:20🔗 Adam I'd be gone if my nephew hadn't done a cannonball just in the nick of time. I was down on the deep end.

40:25🔗 Drew You're sleeping.

40:25🔗 Adam All right, listen, Jessica. Okay, I'm done trying to talk. You're 20, you know everything, but here's the thing. Don't get pregnant. That's all.

40:36🔗 Caller Don't get pregnant.

40:38🔗 Adam All right, just do whatever you want. Just leave me alone, would you? Jesus Christ. I feel bad yelling at people that have had, yeah, they're injured, they're damaged goods, but they don't know it and they're angry. And rightfully so, because God knows her alcoholic, junkie dad, you know, left this planet when she was eight and she had some weird stepdad come in and touch her inappropriately and then whatever. And now she's angry and she should be.

41:09🔗 Drew She's angry, but it's interesting. Women excuse sociopathic males, women that have these courts of histories, they tend to see him as an injured child that needs protection rather than a manipulative predator, which in fact he's now become.

41:24🔗 Adam Right, and I love the spin. I mean, really.

41:27🔗 Drew She's good.

41:28🔗 Adam Yeah, it's like, She's got everything in her spin. I was trying to make a little contact with his daughter, trying to get a little custody of his daughter, Pounce in the pokey. Drew, I mean, you tried to talk to your daughter just today.

41:39🔗 Drew I was spent four hours in the can.

41:41🔗 Adam Really? The SWAT team took you down, talking to your daughter? Yep, see, man of passion. One more phone call, then go to break?

41:51🔗 Drew No, break, because we have to edit the song.

41:53🔗 Adam My girlfriend online, they always have sex on the place. All right, all right, Alanis Morissette is in here tonight. You know, here's what I want to do with Alanis Morissette.

42:05🔗 Alanis Morissette The clapping is great.

42:07🔗 Adam We'll play a second Alanis Morissette song, but we'll play it after she's gone. She's going to have to trust us. Because she's only staying for the first hour.

42:15🔗 Alanis Morissette I'm not invested, you can do whatever you want to do.

42:18🔗 Adam Oh, oh, aha, nice move, Missy. Touche, we're playing it now. We're playing six Alanis Morissette songs. Don't make, yup, you just bought it. Now you got eight, now you got eight. You want 10 songs? Yup.

42:32🔗 Drew No, no, no, no.

42:33🔗 Caller Now reverse.

42:35🔗 Adam I think this goes down to eight.

42:36🔗 Alanis Morissette Yes, I want.

42:37🔗 Adam It jumps down to what it was.

42:39🔗 Alanis Morissette I want eight.

42:40🔗 Drew Six.

42:41🔗 Alanis Morissette I want.

42:42🔗 Adam Okay, now I'm confused. We gotta take a breakthrough. Let's go to the bathroom and figure out how many Alanis Morissette songs to play.

42:47🔗 Alanis Morissette The counter manipulation.

42:49🔗 Adam We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

42:51🔗 Caller This is Live on O5.

42:56🔗 Hey everybody, it's Loveline.

42:58🔗 Adam I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew. Alanis Morissette is in studio tonight. So called Chaos, name of the CD. We'll be hearing 13 songs off of that CD. And actually, Alanis says she's got a, well, she's got some demo stuff in her car. She's got some acoustic stuff. We're gonna piece that together in Studio B and see if we can roll that out in about 45 minutes. Hey, it's a nice picture of you on the back there.

43:28🔗 Alanis Morissette Thanks.

43:31🔗 Adam Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Bad Religion in here on Sunday night. Smart, do you know Bad Religion? You ever meet those guys?

43:40🔗 Alanis Morissette I personally know.

43:41🔗 Adam Smart band. You would be surprised. Lots of degrees in the band, is that true?

43:49🔗 Alanis Morissette Academia?

43:50🔗 Adam Yeah.

43:50🔗 Drew He's almost a PhD, the one guy.

43:52🔗 Adam Yeah, that dude.

43:54🔗 Drew He's got a master's in physiology or whatever or something?

43:57🔗 Adam Yeah, they're a smart band, but they know it. I don't like that. I like people that are smart and think they're stupid. I like good-looking people who think they're ugly and fat, you know?

44:06🔗 Drew I like people with lots of assets and poor self-esteem.

44:09🔗 Adam Right.

44:09🔗 Alanis Morissette That's the great compo.

44:11🔗 Adam Oh, people laugh, but think about what the opposite of it is.

44:14🔗 Drew You're right.

44:16🔗 Adam Dumb as a doorknob and think you're a genius, butt-ugly and think you're hot? Come on.

44:21🔗 Alanis Morissette There's something interesting about that, too, though.

44:24🔗 Adam It's entertaining, but it's sort of, it's kind of, it's entertaining.

44:29🔗 Drew Novelty but annoying.

44:30🔗 Adam It's novel. Yeah, it's good for 20 minutes. It's sort of like when you're just up late at night and you're flicking through the channels and you come across Road House, Patrick Swayze movies, best bouncer, best cooler in the business. You watch it for, you know, not cause it's good, just cause it is, it is what it is, but you wouldn't want to have to see the whole thing. All right, where are we, Drew?

44:51🔗 Drew Talking to Randy.

44:53🔗 Adam Randy.

44:54🔗 Hi, guys.

44:55🔗 Adam You're 25?

44:57🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

44:57🔗 Adam What's up?

44:59🔗 Caller Oh, not much. I have a question for you. I just started dating a girl. We had actually met on one of these online date sites. She had started emailing me. And she lives some distance away. It's about 45 minutes away. And I've offered to come visit her, but she always comes up with an excuse, well, I can't come over. Her house is messy or something else. And I'm trying to figure out why I'm sort of not welcome at her place. She always wants to come to mine.

45:28🔗 Adam You do see her, though?

45:30🔗 Caller Yes, yes, I do.

45:31🔗 Drew Do you go out in public together?

45:32🔗 Caller Um, yes, we do.

45:33🔗 Drew And do you live in the same city, did you say?

45:36🔗 Caller No, we don't. We, um, I live in Virginia. And she lives near Charlottesville, University of Virginia. And I attend JMU.

45:45🔗 Adam All right, should we be JMU? Should we be, should, who knows? Should we be suspicious?

45:54🔗 Caller Well, I'm not sure. I mean, it's not as though she doesn't take my calls. When I call, you know, I can call at any time. That would be my first thought. You know, if I call into it and pick the phone up, maybe there's someone else.

46:06🔗 Adam But I don't...

46:06🔗 Drew Go visit her and stay at that Boar's Inn.

46:09🔗 Adam Boar's Inn over there, Drew. I think Drew went there to...

46:13🔗 Drew I spoke at University of Virginia. It was a great, old inn there.

46:16🔗 Adam Okay, what if... What do you think she would do if you said, I got some business in your neck of the woods. I'm gonna be out there on Friday. What would she do?

46:27🔗 Caller I'm not sure. I mean, I've offered, since it is a little distance away, to drive and meet her or come to her place and pick her up. But there's always some excuse. Her house is messy or she lives with her sister. Her sister's there and we wouldn't have any privacy.

46:43🔗 Drew Is there anything about you that might be troubling to her sister that we should know about you or the diff... About her or... You know what I mean? Some people have weird...

46:52🔗 Adam Maybe. I mean, sometimes people have crappy houses and they're sort of embarrassed by them and so they don't want to entertain or stuff with their sister.

47:01🔗 Drew It smacks, though, either of some family problem or of an old boyfriend. It just smacks.

47:05🔗 Caller Well, she's never mentioned an old boyfriend. She's actually from New York, New York City. So there's no family there.

47:14🔗 Adam Well, here's the whole thing. Sometimes people are just being nice. Like, you don't have to drive all the way out. I'll go to your place. But if you put the screws to them and they go, no, you can't come out. Okay, that's weird. And then now there's something. And then you can say, what's up? I've offered to come out a few times. I've never even seen your place. We've been dating for a few months. What's up? And then give her a chance to tell you something.

47:39🔗 Drew Maybe it's something like simple, like the sister thinks she's still a virgin or something and she doesn't want to have to deal with that.

47:44🔗 Adam I think it's one of those things where the sister is, you know, like, you know, like in a bubble or something. You know, I'm pretty sure.

47:53🔗 Drew Something's wrong with the sister.

47:54🔗 Adam You know, probably. Yeah. Like a big, a big hamster habit right now. Like a lucid balls or something. Got some weird immune deficiency thing or something. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

48:07🔗 Drew I think so. Yeah.

48:08🔗 Adam I mean.

48:08🔗 Alanis Morissette I'm nodding in agreement.

48:09🔗 Adam Well, what else could it be? You geniuses have any better ideas? Yeah. They come in and there's plastic separating and you got to put the gloves on to hand them the TV remote and stuff, you know?

48:23🔗 Alanis Morissette She doesn't want him to see that yet.

48:24🔗 Adam Shameful. Yeah. All right, Randy. Ask some questions. Yeah.

48:28🔗 Drew Just listen. She owes you a little explanation.

48:31🔗 Adam Randy.

48:31🔗 Alanis Morissette Tell her how you feel. I would think.

48:33🔗 Adam You start acting like your name is Jake. You know what I mean? Randy doesn't ask questions. Jake, he needs answers. You see what I'm saying? Yeah.

48:42🔗 Caller What's your middle name, Randy?

48:44🔗 Adam Let's find out. Man, I hope it's good and tough. Randy?

48:47🔗 Caller Yes.

48:48🔗 Adam What's your middle name?

48:49🔗 Caller It's Scott. No.

48:51🔗 Alanis Morissette It's a little more assertive sounding.

48:55🔗 Adam Listen, a queef is more assertive sounding when your name is Randy. That's American term.

49:02🔗 Alanis Morissette It's a male term.

49:05🔗 Adam Okay, Randy. Well, let's start asking the tough questions then.

49:08🔗 Caller So, just honesty is the best.

49:11🔗 Drew Well, here's the... Listen, what's the word I'm looking for? It's ridiculous. Well, no, this idea that it's okay for her to be bizarre and weird about this and you're supposed to just sort of stand by. It's like, hey, you always want to challenge her.

49:24🔗 Adam But we always get a little suspicious when people don't ask the questions because it's usually...

49:30🔗 Drew They know the answer.

49:31🔗 Adam You get a feeling of what the answer is going to be.

49:34🔗 Drew You don't want to know kind of thing.

49:35🔗 Adam And you don't want to know. And it will... It can screw... But it can quickly turn into, all right, well, then let's just...

49:41🔗 Drew You know what he's afraid of? She has a boyfriend over there.

49:45🔗 Adam In the bubble with the sister or just outside of the bubble? Because it's definitely that the whole bubble thing is...

49:51🔗 Drew I'm not sure he got the sister thing, but he got the whole boyfriend thing.

49:54🔗 Adam Then what should we do?

49:56🔗 Drew Ask him that. Just we have 20 seconds. Ask him.

49:58🔗 Adam What?

49:58🔗 Drew If he's afraid to find out that there's some old relationship or something.

50:01🔗 Adam Randy, are you afraid to find out there's an old relationship?

50:05🔗 Caller I mean, I trust this girl. I wouldn't...

50:07🔗 Drew See what I'm saying? I trust her. I mean, he's rationalizing.

50:12🔗 Adam All right. Ask some questions. Ask some questions and Randy, you need to get drunk once in a while. Randy, he's all up in his head and he's a little more visceral. You know what I mean?

50:22🔗 Drew Instinctive.

50:22🔗 Adam You gotta go to that place Alanis goes when she writes those songs. You know what I mean? She's not up in her head. Go dancing. You got that place. You know the place you go? Mm-hmm.

50:32🔗 Drew Jake's place.

50:32🔗 Adam Yeah. You know that place is now is going to be home because she's splitting. One hour. You did the first hour. That's good. Thanks for having. Hey, thanks for coming. I live nearby. Yeah, you're really is the crow flies probably five miles from here.

50:47🔗 Alanis Morissette Mm-hmm.

50:48🔗 Adam So you come back again, yes?

50:49🔗 Alanis Morissette I'd love to.

50:50🔗 Adam All right, baby doll. Alanis Morissette, everyone. We'll take a quick break.

50:53🔗 Drew We'll hear 10 more songs.

50:55🔗 Adam And we'll be right back after this. There, buddy. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1- Alanis Morissette is heading out of the building. God bless her, she's in a good place. She's happy now.

51:26🔗 Drew Like every time we see her, happier.

51:28🔗 Adam Happier and happier, yep, and we keep spiraling down. We're heading the other direction.

51:33🔗 Drew Or at least just kind of playing flat.

51:35🔗 Adam Maybe it's a relative thing. Maybe they seem happy because they were growing more and more miserable.

51:40🔗 Drew Yeah.

51:40🔗 Adam Speaking of miserable, engineer Anderson everybody, five years tonight. Now, how do you know it's five years to the day?

51:52🔗 Caller Yeah, I wasn't telling you so you could announce it. I just thought it was a funny little.

51:55🔗 Adam I know.

51:56🔗 Caller It was June 10th and Moby was in and I remember I marked it down and I keep records of all the shows and I remember June 10th. Every June 10th, I always go, Jesus Christ, it's been another year.

52:07🔗 Adam And Moby was in.

52:08🔗 Caller It was the first night that I actually did the show by myself. The first night that I had Mike looking over my shoulder was actually Pennywise's return.

52:15🔗 Adam Oh, really?

52:16🔗 Drew When he locked us in the room with him?

52:18🔗 Caller Yeah, I was actually on the board. That was the first night I was on the board for Loveline.

52:21🔗 Adam Baptism by fire.

52:23🔗 Drew And Dooley was there that night?

52:24🔗 Adam By vomit.

52:24🔗 Caller Yeah, Dooley actually stepped in because, if you remember, Fletcher would not stop effing the word F.

52:31🔗 Drew What a weird night for you to start off.

52:33🔗 That's hysterical.

52:34🔗 Caller Kind of like Adam's first night was kind of screwed, too, wasn't it?

52:39🔗 Drew Not like this.

52:40🔗 Adam No, my first night on this show solo was with that a-hole, Psycho Michael from Suicidal Tendencies. Suicidal Tendencies. Oh, what a jackass that idiot was. I had to sit there and stare at that fat puss all night. Give me the stink eye across the console.

53:01🔗 Caller It was, yeah, five years. Good times.

53:02🔗 Adam Yeah, it was great.

53:03🔗 Caller Great time. I've really gotten to know you pretty good, Adam. I feel like you're a brother.

53:07🔗 Adam Yeah, buddy.

53:08🔗 Caller I'm sure you're the dad that I've always had.

53:09🔗 Adam Yeah, we'll see over at that Weenie Roast, right?

53:13🔗 Caller Yeah, but we won't remember. You and I will be so drunk, Adam. I don't think we'll remember.

53:16🔗 Adam No, why not booze it up a little bit? It's a Saturday.

53:20🔗 Caller You have to.

53:20🔗 Adam Yeah, it's free beer.

53:22🔗 Caller It is.

53:23🔗 Adam Or maybe.

53:23🔗 Caller No, not for me.

53:25🔗 Adam Yeah, I think I could cut off at some point too. Well, I'll be packing a flask. I'll give you a nip, buddy.

53:30🔗 Caller Yeah, I'll take a little hit off that.

53:32🔗 Adam That'd be good times. Five years. And you should have five more with different hosts. Let's get back to the phones here. Sarah?

53:46🔗 Caller Yes.

53:46🔗 Adam You're 23?

53:48🔗 Caller Yes.

53:49🔗 Adam What's happening?

53:51🔗 Caller I just don't particularly like sex.

53:56🔗 Caller Maybe somebody could help me figure out why.

53:58🔗 Adam Are you married?

54:00🔗 Caller Yes.

54:01🔗 Drew Have you ever spoken to your husband about this?

54:04🔗 Caller No.

54:05🔗 Drew Tell me more about what you mean by you don't like it. Do you hate it?

54:09🔗 Caller What's that?

54:10🔗 Drew Is it uncomfortable? Do you hate it? What is it you don't like?

54:14🔗 Caller Sometimes it's uncomfortable. Sometimes it hurts.

54:17🔗 Caller Mostly it's just not pleasurable at all.

54:22🔗 Adam Has it ever been?

54:24🔗 Caller Yeah. And it's mostly in the past, I'd say, year.

54:31🔗 Drew What's happened in that time?

54:34🔗 Caller Nothing. I mean, there's nothing wrong with our relationship, as far as I can tell.

54:38🔗 Drew You haven't had a child, you're not on medication or do birth control pills, something like that.

54:43🔗 Caller Actually, well, yeah, I've actually been on the depot shot for about nine months.

54:48🔗 Drew That's it, Sarah. I'm telling you, that shot will shut you down. Dry you up and shut you down.

54:56🔗 Caller Great.

54:57🔗 Drew That's what it does.

54:58🔗 Adam That's a good song.

54:59🔗 Drew It's a great contraceptive. And for some women, some women actually enhances their sexuality. But for most, makes them depressed, shuts down the sex drive and makes them dry.

55:08🔗 Adam Where's... Yeah.

55:11🔗 Drew Drys them up and shuts them down.

55:12🔗 Adam A little shot of the Dr. Drew or a lube you up and get you started. You know what I'm saying?

55:18🔗 Drew Grease you up and go?

55:20🔗 Adam Yeah. That's that in med school, that was his battle cry. Grease them up and go. You know what the wheezes one is? Juice them up and go. The wheeze always recognize the importance of a wine cooler too. You know what I mean for the ladies?

55:39🔗 Drew And when they were used, what, a mallet? Spocked with an El Cabong, they used to call him, right?

55:45🔗 Adam No, not the wheeze.

55:46🔗 Caller He didn't need that.

55:47🔗 Drew Oh, really?

55:48🔗 Caller Paul? Yeah. Yeah, I got a question for Adam, I mean, Dr. Drew.

55:54🔗 Drew I bet, I bet wheeze dazzled the girls with his talk about funny cars and dragsters.

56:01🔗 Adam Leave the wheeze alone.

56:02🔗 Caller He's a good kid.

56:03🔗 Drew He is a good guy.

56:04🔗 Adam Paul?

56:05🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:06🔗 Drew Tell me you didn't give him a crap about stuff though.

56:08🔗 Adam 17, what's up, right?

56:09🔗 Caller Yeah. I was just wondering if self-hearthing could like seriously damage your body or something?

56:16🔗 Drew Well, what do you think?

56:17🔗 Caller Well, I tried it about two times, but you know, I don't know because well, some of it got infected.

56:25🔗 Drew Well, there you go.

56:26🔗 Caller Oh, that's about it.

56:27🔗 Adam Where are you piercing?

56:29🔗 Caller Oh, I pierced my nose and my lip, but my nose had to take it out because yeah, that part got infected and I checked on the website that if it gets infected, it could like do some brain damage.

56:42🔗 Adam Yeah.

56:43🔗 Drew Yeah. And kill you.

56:44🔗 Adam Maybe too late.

56:48🔗 Drew You're near your head. You're near your brain and you're putting things in the soft tissue and that's how you get infections and it can easily spread to the central nervous system and that's deadly. Paul.

56:58🔗 Caller Yeah.

56:59🔗 Adam What's the plan, buddy?

57:00🔗 Caller Oh, just, you know, just try piercing it because, you know, we like going to the piercing shop. All right.

57:06🔗 Adam Well, I'm looking, I'm looking not micro, but macro. What's the big plan?

57:13🔗 Drew The horizon. When we look down the road, what does the future hold for Paul?

57:18🔗 Caller Um, music.

57:20🔗 Drew Oh, no.

57:22🔗 Caller Stuff like that.

57:23🔗 Adam What are you going to be doing with the music?

57:28🔗 Drew I'm picturing like an organ grinder with a monkey.

57:30🔗 Caller Gigs, not trying to like do anything big, you know?

57:33🔗 Adam Would you play an instrument?

57:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

57:35🔗 Adam What do you play? Oh, yeah. You got it? Yeah. Why don't you get it, why don't you place a little something?

57:43🔗 Caller Well, my guitar's broken right now because the amp's kind of messed up.

57:48🔗 Drew He's been practicing too much.

57:51🔗 Adam You have a band?

57:52🔗 Caller Yeah, well, I got about two guys in it right now, but you know, that's not really- I don't really need much anymore.

58:00🔗 Adam Oh, it seems like you're on a really skyrocket to the moon.

58:05🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:06🔗 Adam Bullet. You got a couple of guys in the band, the hands broken. Oh, come on. All right, listen here, buddy boy. What's plan B? I think what plan B is, is you working at a video store your whole life.

58:19🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

58:22🔗 Adam You need a good plan B.

58:23🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm kind of interested in computers and to not-

58:26🔗 Adam There you go. That's it.

58:28🔗 Drew Go focus on that.

58:28🔗 Adam All right, yeah. Screw the piercings for 10 minutes and focus on the computers.

58:32🔗 Caller All right, thanks a lot.

58:33🔗 Adam Let's go. Let's break it down, buddy. All right. Let's go. Let's get it together now. Let's get a hand in. Hey, that amp? Not a chair. Brian?

58:47🔗 Caller You there?

58:48🔗 Adam 17?

58:49🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

58:50🔗 Adam What's up?

58:52🔗 Caller Yeah, I had a question. My mom had me when she was 11 and I was wondering if that and the fact that I was born premature would have something to do, like, if it would cause any repercussions later on, like physically.

59:03🔗 Adam How old is your mom now?

59:06🔗 Caller 28? I think, yeah. I'm not sure if she had me when she was 11 or if she had me after she was 12.

59:12🔗 Adam Well, let's just go...

59:12🔗 Drew 28 would say she was 11.

59:14🔗 Adam Yeah, but he doesn't know. I mean, by the way, don't you want to say, I know maybe we're rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic here, but maybe she was pregnant at 11 and had you at the ripe old age of 12.

59:32🔗 Caller Yeah. I don't live with her anymore. I was adopted. Thank God. Her mom was 16 too, so it sort of ended the vicious cycle.

59:38🔗 Adam Right. I didn't... Drew, can you get pregnant at 11?

59:43🔗 Drew Sometimes, if it's on your menstruating.

59:45🔗 Adam Oh, man. Oh, and who got her... Who's daddy?

59:51🔗 Caller Some 18-year-old crack act. I hate him. I hope he dies.

59:55🔗 Drew Well, yeah. A good time. Some of these feelings you have about your biological parents of origin may have an effect on you. But the fact that you have loving adoptive parents.

1:00:05🔗 Adam You got adopted by good people, right?

1:00:07🔗 Caller Yeah, definitely.

1:00:08🔗 Drew Yeah. How old were you when you were adopted?

1:00:10🔗 Caller Oh, it was like three days or something. It was planned out before I was even born.

1:00:15🔗 Drew What's happening now that's causing you to wonder about things?

1:00:17🔗 Caller I'm just wondering because I remember before, I think my mom asked when I was four or five because I had a hernia when I was four or five, so she asked along like that, if there would be any growth problems or anything. Because I'm sort of on the short side as it is. So I was just wondering if later on that would cause any growth.

1:00:37🔗 Drew The fact that you're premature.

1:00:39🔗 Caller Well, yeah, both that and the fact that my mom was 11 and then her mom was 16.

1:00:43🔗 Drew So it's like anything was going to be... That's more of a psychological issue.

1:00:47🔗 Adam Yeah, her mom being 16 is not any big deal.

1:00:49🔗 Caller Okay, yeah, I didn't think that had anything to do with the fact that she was 11 too.

1:00:52🔗 Adam Yeah, no, what about your mom being 11? It's like eating green fruit, you know what I mean? It's not ripe.

1:01:01🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah, I know, like my mom says, I was in fifth grade, she's like, yeah, you know what, those girls in your grade, picture one of them getting pregnant, I'm like, oh my god.

1:01:08🔗 Drew Thank you, mom.

1:01:09🔗 Caller Great. Yeah, my mom's amazing. She's really cool.

1:01:12🔗 Adam Good. And what about your dad?

1:01:14🔗 Caller My dad's really cool too. He's... Well, my parents are so religious. I'm not so much, but they sort of let me do my own thing. They're really cool people. They're really nice.

1:01:22🔗 Adam All right. You got to treat them. Treat them good every day.

1:01:25🔗 Caller Yeah. Oh, and Adam?

1:01:27🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:01:28🔗 Caller Well, you were asking before about how the dogs, you know, that they smell of the Duke, even though their noses are so much better. I got the answer for you. I read somewhere that the dogs can actually tell from just based on that how other dogs, like how what they're not necessarily feeling, but like what the condition is, like if they're sick or whatever. And so by sniffing that, then they can they can tell like how old the dog is, what the condition is, if like they're sick or if they got something like that going on.

1:01:55🔗 Adam Really? Thank you. Well, first off, you know, there's that there's that that cliche, although it's the worst one I've ever heard, which is and I can't say the the S word on on the air, but you know, like some guy will fart and go like everyone will go like, oh, it's horrible. And the guy go, that's not even smell anything. And they go, dog kids smell the S. And I always think to myself, really spends good 20 minutes sniffing it. I'm pretty sure he can smell his own ass. He's got his nose in it.

1:02:31🔗 Drew Is that what the caller is referring to is him working over his own ass?

1:02:35🔗 Adam No, I'm first referring I'm first talking about that sort of horrible cliche and not knowing what it means really it's it's it's horrible. Please stop using it everybody makes it makes zero if dogs didn't spend the better part of their life sniffing their own ass, it would be great. And it sounds good. Dog can't smell his own but has spent a significant portion of his day sniffing his ass.

1:02:59🔗 Drew Strangely enough.

1:03:00🔗 Adam That's that's all he does. Really. That's what you do. That's your job.

1:03:02🔗 Drew Maybe that's where they got that statement from. They figured, well, he must not smell it. He's working it over.

1:03:09🔗 Adam He also wants to get something out of it, but don't apologize for these people at FF.

1:03:13🔗 Caller Good cliches.

1:03:15🔗 Adam Now the the the other one is is what I was asking is is if a dog's sense of scent is 10,000 times more cute than a person's, how can they bury their face and other dogs fresh Duke and their their tushies? Their head should explode.

1:03:34🔗 Drew Yeah, they should. They should. Yeah, they should. Wretch and vomit.

1:03:37🔗 Adam Right.

1:03:37🔗 Drew 10,000 times.

1:03:38🔗 Adam You would you would be a throw up fountain. I mean, in fact, listen, Jimmy's cousin, Sal, has a broken win and confined spaces and brought people to the point of vomit. I should say past the point.

1:03:54🔗 Drew Oh, really? Actually, cause power. That's 50.

1:03:57🔗 Adam Oh, yeah, that's that's hobo.

1:03:59🔗 Drew That's the kind of my kids use that catching on to hobo power all the time.

1:04:04🔗 Adam This show keeps moving, but if people we haven't talked about in a while, what hobo power is hobo power is a unit of measurement for stink, which we don't have currently. We have. Oh, man, that's right, dude. We got that. Oh, this is bad. And this guy really light intensity.

1:04:25🔗 Drew We have pressure intensity. Almost every other cent has a has a scale.

1:04:29🔗 Adam You said sent, but I know he didn't.

1:04:31🔗 Drew Sort of every other every other sense.

1:04:34🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:04:34🔗 Drew As a scale.

1:04:35🔗 Adam Yes. There are PSI's and BTU's there. Everything has a unit of their candle power for lights. There's there's there's everything but stink. Stink needs a unit to measure it by. So you know the difference between, you know, a nice silent but deadly. And then a cousin sound when he's actually making people vomit at a Huey Lewis outdoor concert.

1:05:03🔗 Drew And because it is a scale in nature, there's certain aspects to it that sort of are theoretical.

1:05:09🔗 Adam Right.

1:05:10🔗 Drew It's a scale up to 100. Yeah.

1:05:11🔗 Adam And here's the thing about this, everybody. I invented the scale. You cannot f with the scale. It's my scale. You come up with your own stink scale. You don't mess with the hobo power.

1:05:22🔗 Drew 100 is.

1:05:23🔗 Adam It's theoretical.

1:05:24🔗 Drew The world implodes if we get 100.

1:05:25🔗 Adam Nobody's ever seen 100 hobo power.

1:05:28🔗 Drew Maybe exists in black holes or something. It's a parallel universe. Who work on those formulas?

1:05:33🔗 Adam There are scientists that theorize, but no hard data.

1:05:36🔗 Drew And then zero also, there's no world that exists with zero.

1:05:41🔗 Adam Zero possibly a vacuum.

1:05:43🔗 Drew Zero stink.

1:05:43🔗 Adam That's space. If you were shot into space, you would experience zero just before you imploded or exploded. You would experience zero hobo power.

1:05:56🔗 Drew But even then, it can't be experienced because your nerves, you're not sensitive enough to pick up.

1:06:01🔗 Adam What's like a basic guy picking you up at LAX in a cab or a shuttle van?

1:06:07🔗 Drew 18 hobo.

1:06:08🔗 Adam 18?

1:06:09🔗 Drew 12 to 18.

1:06:10🔗 Adam He's walking around at 18?

1:06:12🔗 Drew It could be bad. It was New York, you know.

1:06:14🔗 Adam Yeah. 12 to 18. I'd say it's a little high on the hobo power.

1:06:18🔗 Drew Okay, 12.

1:06:19🔗 Adam 12? And what's a nice fart?

1:06:22🔗 Drew 18 to 20.

1:06:23🔗 Adam 18 to 20 range?

1:06:24🔗 Drew 25.

1:06:25🔗 Adam Uh-huh. So what's a three or four just when you go into someone's apartment and they got that sofa for a while smell? Oh, you got a cat? You know that smell?

1:06:37🔗 Drew Oh, that's...

1:06:38🔗 Adam No, no, but that's cat with a litter box and stuff, just I know you have a cat. You got a cat in here somewhere. That's three, four hobo power?

1:06:46🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:06:47🔗 Adam And then what is just a cat urine?

1:06:50🔗 Drew That's got to be 35 to 40.

1:06:52🔗 Adam That's a low 30s.

1:06:54🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:06:54🔗 Adam And what's 50?

1:06:55🔗 Drew Vomit. Oh, that's vomit.

1:06:57🔗 Adam Oh, that's right. So cousin Sal got to 50 on the hobo power. So that will make you heave. And if someone says, oh, I got to 50, I smelled 50, although I didn't vomit.

1:07:10🔗 Drew Not 50.

1:07:10🔗 Adam Didn't do 50.

1:07:11🔗 Drew 49, not 50.

1:07:13🔗 Adam Yeah. You know, whatever it was, it was not 50 because you must vomit at 50.

1:07:19🔗 Drew By definition.

1:07:20🔗 Adam That's right. All right. Chris, you writing this down. You understand hobo power unit of measurement? Yes. Yes. HPs, BTUs and PSIs. And now we have HPs. All right. Drew.

1:07:36🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:07:37🔗 Adam Back to the phones. What were you talking about before we got into hobo power? It was important. Oh, the stink.

1:07:44🔗 Drew Yeah. Yeah.

1:07:45🔗 Adam So a dog can smell a joint that's been welded into a truck fender and packed with coffee grounds. He can smell it through the metal, through the coffee. What's he doing bearing his face in another dog's ass? And there's got to be a reason for it. And yeah, I agree with that call. He's trying to see if the dog's sick.

1:08:05🔗 Drew I think he's reading like a signature, Duke's signature.

1:08:08🔗 Adam Available.

1:08:09🔗 Drew Oh, hey, it's Jim. Hey, Stu, get over here. You know, right? Yeah.

1:08:13🔗 Adam I'm wondering if I lined up some of my friends' BMs, if I could tell who they were.

1:08:21🔗 Drew You know, Chris.

1:08:22🔗 Adam Chris, I know. Chris, yeah. Cluster log. Jimmy, it's just, I think it's a scent thing.

1:08:32🔗 Drew Loose, a little loose. He's nervous, got that thing.

1:08:37🔗 Adam Then the hole's been augured out so many times it just kind of falls out. It doesn't really, it's not extruded. You know what I'm saying? There's a difference in density between something that's extruded and something that just sort of spills out. Drew, I'm not sure if I could spot yours. And that's probably not a good sign. You know, we've been together for a while.

1:08:55🔗 Drew Depends, yeah, I'm crafty.

1:08:58🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:08:58🔗 Drew Different, different days.

1:08:59🔗 Adam Oh, Anus is a chameleon. Something different coming out every day.

1:09:03🔗 Drew But you'll see the passion.

1:09:06🔗 Adam I'll experience it at least. John? You're 20?

1:09:10🔗 Caller Yeah, man. First of all, I want to say the man show needs to come back to the OG stuff, you know, what it used to be.

1:09:16🔗 Adam Thanks, buddy.

1:09:17🔗 Caller Well, I'm missing the old stuff. We all... You know, man.

1:09:22🔗 Adam All right there, Jeff.

1:09:24🔗 Caller All right, but yeah, to the question, to the question. I've been pondering this question for the past couple of weeks, and everybody I asked doesn't really know. I was just kind of wondering, like, where the semen for women comes from?

1:09:39🔗 Drew There are multiple glands in and around the vagina. There are actually glands in the wall of the vagina. There are Skeen's glands and Bartholomew's glands, and they produce a lot of fluid, and it can come squirting out if there's a sufficient contraction.

1:09:52🔗 Adam Mm-hmm. So it's glands.

1:09:54🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:09:54🔗 Adam Fluid always comes from glands, right? The stuff that comes out of you?

1:09:58🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:10:00🔗 Adam I mean, when you do that gleaking thing where you go, it comes out, right? And what about men?

1:10:08🔗 Drew Prostate gland.

1:10:09🔗 Adam Prostate gland? So you don't really, you don't, saliva gland, right?

1:10:14🔗 Drew I think the prostate really-

1:10:16🔗 Adam What about snoogies?

1:10:17🔗 Drew What about them?

1:10:18🔗 Adam Boogers. There's-

1:10:20🔗 Drew There's-

1:10:20🔗 Adam There's gland? There's snoogie gland? All right. So all the crud that comes out of your gland?

1:10:26🔗 Drew Basically.

1:10:27🔗 Adam All right, Drew, let's take a break.

1:10:29🔗 Drew Or cells that excrete anyway.

1:10:31🔗 Adam I want to examine your fecal matter. See if you start really learning it. Chris, I need you to, because I'm going to need an A to Drew's B. You understand? How do you feel?

1:10:45🔗 Drew Can you produce?

1:10:49🔗 Adam What'd your mom make for dinner today?

1:10:51🔗 Drew I know, I was at a cousin's house watching the Laker game. And what'd you eat?

1:10:54🔗 Adam Did you mix it?

1:10:55🔗 Caller I don't know, like chicken strips or something like that.

1:10:59🔗 Adam That was about four or five hours ago?

1:11:00🔗 Caller Yeah. I'm hungry now.

1:11:03🔗 Adam Well, you gotta make room. Let's go. I want you to go. I want you to produce a poopy, you and Drew. And then I'm gonna examine them. It's nothing funny about this shit. Drew loves, Drew loves a caca humor. It's so funny to him. Seriously, I'm not kidding though. And I need to freshen up my coffee on the way over there. All right.

1:11:25🔗 Caller I'm on it.

1:11:26🔗 Adam All right, we'll be right back after this.

1:11:29🔗 Caller Alright guys, bottom line, here's the deal.

1:11:31🔗 Caller Looking to hook up.

1:11:32🔗 Caller Sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:11:34🔗 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the dateline. 877-889-DATE. Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:11:59🔗 Adam Love Line. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Tell you who's gonna be in here on Sunday night, a little band by the name of Bad Religion. All right. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191. Back to the phones, yes Drew?

1:12:16🔗 Drew Yes.

1:12:17🔗 Adam We'll hear another Alanis Morissette song before the night is through as well.

1:12:21🔗 Drew Fair enough.

1:12:22🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:12:23🔗 Drew We owe her one.

1:12:24🔗 Adam Well.

1:12:25🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:12:25🔗 Adam No, I think we're cool. You know what I mean? You get a song an hour, she stays the first hour. I'm just tired. You know, it'd be nice to be like a regular DJ.

1:12:36🔗 Drew Just sit back, listen to music.

1:12:39🔗 Adam You know, I see all these guys down at the classic rock station, we take a leak with the guy every half hour. And it's like, how can you, and then it's got a Bad Co Super set going and he's on the pot. You know what I mean? It's like, hey, play a song, you don't have to sit here and watch the record go around, just go out and blow a butt.

1:13:00🔗 Drew Could you identify his BM?

1:13:02🔗 Adam I think I could, I think I could, in a pinch.

1:13:05🔗 Drew Don't speak.

1:13:06🔗 Adam If I had to. Chris in here, Chris couldn't make, there's a little, there's a little, little wreckle shine, we call it. But I'm gonna need to kind of focus and rally, you know, before the show's out. Or I'm gonna have to come by this weekend and grab a sample, so.

1:13:26🔗 Drew But you really need more than a sample, because again, it's just not like a dog for you, you have to see the whole production.

1:13:30🔗 Adam Yeah, I need a cross section. So, you know, I'm gonna be pretty busy with the weenie roasts and stuff. Maybe I can catch you on the way out. We'll do my upquest over at your mom's place if I don't know where that is. Mm-hmm? You're 20? What's up?

1:13:51🔗 Caller Okay, it hurts, like when I have sex, like doggie style, when I'm like up a little bit. And when I'm on top, but every other way, like sideways or when I'm on the bottom, it doesn't.

1:14:07🔗 Drew What part hurts?

1:14:08🔗 Caller What's wrong with me?

1:14:09🔗 Drew What part hurts? At what point does it hurt?

1:14:13🔗 Caller My vagina, like inside.

1:14:15🔗 Drew Way deep. When there's deep penetration you're talking about.

1:14:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:14:21🔗 Drew And have you had a pelvic exam recently? Have you ever had a pelvic exam? Have you ever had a pelvic exam?

1:14:31🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:14:32🔗 Drew And when was the last time? All right, so that needs to be done every year, right? Yeah, so you need to get in and see if there's something that he's hitting that could be causing the pain, like endometriosis or cyst or infection. Those various things can do that.

1:14:48🔗 Adam Avocado, pit.

1:14:49🔗 Drew Or nothing.

1:14:50🔗 Drew That happened to me.

1:14:51🔗 Caller Which could be you.

1:14:53🔗 Adam Yeah. All right, baby doll.

1:14:55🔗 Drew Take care of yourself, okay?

1:14:56🔗 Caller All right.

1:14:57🔗 Adam Everything's cool? Okay, you're in love? What are you doing?

1:15:06🔗 Drew Hold on.

1:15:07🔗 Adam I smell a little junior college. Oh yeah, I'm in college. Which, junior college? Sac State?

1:15:16🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

1:15:19🔗 Adam Sacramento State, yeah. The guys at Northridge laugh at the Sac State. All right, baby doll. It's funny, you know, it's funny because I got a faint whiff of junior college, but not an overwhelming, pungent, noseful of junior college. It was just that. 12 hobo. Yeah, off in the distance I smelled junior college, and I was wrong. It's not junior college, it's Sacramento State, but I bet you if you flew over Sacramento State, you could smell just a little junior college coming out of there. But it didn't hit me hard. Sometimes it hits hard.

1:15:59🔗 Caller Uh-huh. Hey, Adria?

1:16:08🔗 Adam Adria? Adria, you're 18?

1:16:35🔗 Caller A couple of years ago, and it was a secret, just my husband and I knew. And my mother-in-law recently found out, and she forced me to call my mom and tell her. And I couldn't bring myself to do it, so I told her that we were eloping tomorrow, and now she's telling me to put it off for two weeks. And she wants to have a little ceremony, and I'm already married, and she doesn't know. And the reason it's such a big deal is because my husband asked my stepfather for my hand in marriage after the fact.

1:17:15🔗 Caller Yeah, he said no.

1:17:18🔗 Adam No, he married her and then asked.

1:17:23🔗 Caller Exactly.

1:17:24🔗 Adam Right, all right. And so, all right, let me try to figure this out. How old is your husband?

1:17:30🔗 Caller He's 19.

1:17:31🔗 Adam 19, why the rush to get married?

1:17:35🔗 Caller We weren't really thinking and we covered it up a month and a half. My mother-in-law is not really even on speaking terms with us right now.

1:17:43🔗 Drew No, you're not answering the question.

1:17:46🔗 Adam By the way, this is gonna last forever. These kids are gonna make it. I can feel it. Why get married at 18?

1:17:55🔗 Drew We're in love. All right. Love is never an acceptable response to any of our questions. All right.

1:18:04🔗 Adam But they're young and they're in love. And so you snuck off and got married somewhere and didn't tell the family. And now you decided you should tell the family you're going to get married just so eventually it seems like what you are is what you are. And now they want to have a ceremony, but you're already married.

1:18:23🔗 Caller Exactly.

1:18:23🔗 Drew So you're going to run through the sham tomorrow. And that's that.

1:18:27🔗 Caller Well, we're going to pretend to run through the sham tomorrow, but now my mom wants to be involved and she wants to have a little ceremony and we can't do that because we're already married.

1:18:39🔗 Adam Well, what about that, Drew? Getting married twice.

1:18:42🔗 Drew I don't know.

1:18:43🔗 Adam Well, oh yeah, you can do it because people renew their vows. Oh, Drew, your wife never, she's not.

1:18:50🔗 Drew She's not pushing me on that one. Your wife's pushing you on that?

1:18:55🔗 Adam You kidding? She's sorry about the first time. So listen, just go through the stupid thing, would you?

1:19:01🔗 Caller But isn't there paperwork when we have to fill out the marriage license again and...

1:19:07🔗 Adam Well, well, here's what you do. Here's what you do. You tell your mom, you got to keep the lie going because you already got it started now. You tell her that you're heading down to the courthouse, you're going to take care of all that stuff. You just show, you don't show her any paperwork. You just, yeah, we're going to take care of that. We got all this, we got all that, and we'll just have the ceremony. She doesn't need, you know, there's no papers, you know, they don't have contracts and paperwork and stuff for the actual ceremony.

1:19:34🔗 Drew Sometimes the clergy will have you sign the marriage certificate right there, but just keep the clergy out of that and don't let your mom go down to the courthouse with you. That's it.

1:19:43🔗 Adam Did you hear Drew slip up, by the way? Death certificate? Death certificate? Yeah. That's what it is. And I believe he started to call the courthouse the whorehouse, too, by the way. What are you, punchy tonight? You just signed a death certificate and head down to the whorehouse. Yeah. Yeah. And your mom wants to, like, register you somewhere so you can get some gifts and stuff, right?

1:20:14🔗 Caller She, she's told me that she would be embarrassed to tell the family that I eloped.

1:20:21🔗 Adam All right. Now, just give her, look, just, look, here's the thing about parents. Once you turn 18, you just gotta lie to them about everything.

1:20:29🔗 Drew See, that's the thing. She's, she's still so dependent on her parents. It's like she's 14.

1:20:34🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:20:34🔗 Drew And she's doing all these things on her own, but the reality is she's completely in the web of the mom. He can't even, can't even.

1:20:39🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah, this is why, again, at 18, it's, it's ridiculous. Drew, how different are you now than what you were at 18? And how different were you at 28 and 30, 34?

1:20:55🔗 Drew Than now even?

1:20:56🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:20:57🔗 Drew Different. Profoundly. At 18, my name was Methuselah.

1:21:00🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:21:00🔗 Drew Totally different guy.

1:21:02🔗 Adam Really?

1:21:02🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:21:03🔗 Adam Who's Methuselah? You know? Yeah. Stop reading all this Greek tragedies. Rusty?

1:21:15🔗 Yes.

1:21:16🔗 Adam Yeah. There's a guy whose name isn't Methuselah. Methuselah. Rusty.

1:21:22🔗 Yes.

1:21:24🔗 Adam Your name's not Methuselah.

1:21:26🔗 No, I'm afraid it's Rusty.

1:21:28🔗 Adam Yeah. Now, is your name Rusty because you got red hair or is it just because your name's Rusty?

1:21:33🔗 Caller It actually, my last name is Rusty, but everybody calls me that because the Rusty Griswold.

1:21:39🔗 Adam Right.

1:21:40🔗 Caller I kind of have that same thing, so I've been called Rusty my whole life.

1:21:44🔗 Adam He's talking about National Lampoon's Vacation. Yeah.

1:21:50🔗 Caller My brother always called it to me and kind of stuck.

1:21:52🔗 Drew What's your real name, just because it's interesting?

1:21:54🔗 Caller Mike.

1:21:54🔗 Drew Mike.

1:21:55🔗 Adam All right. What's going on?

1:21:57🔗 Drew Rusty has a little more romance to it.

1:21:59🔗 Caller Nausea during any kind of sexual arousal. Sometimes sporadic, sometimes long, sometimes real quick, but it's always there.

1:22:09🔗 Adam Bad times.

1:22:10🔗 Drew Even if you're by yourself?

1:22:12🔗 Caller Yeah. He's by himself or with a girl. Sometimes I can get by it, but it's always...

1:22:18🔗 Drew Did he say if he's by himself?

1:22:19🔗 Adam I think he did. Why did you say he's?

1:22:24🔗 Caller Any kind of sexual arousal.

1:22:25🔗 Caller It's there, the presence.

1:22:27🔗 Drew Yeah, but you said when he's by himself.

1:22:30🔗 Caller When I'm by myself or when I'm with a girl.

1:22:35🔗 Adam Very suspicious.

1:22:36🔗 Caller Everyone's sexually aroused.

1:22:37🔗 Adam I know. Whoever screws up that tense.

1:22:41🔗 Drew Schizophrenics do.

1:22:42🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:22:43🔗 Drew They're talking to a third person, yeah. Or somebody who's talking about somebody else and making up a story, make it seem like himself.

1:22:48🔗 Adam Is that a tense, by the way?

1:22:50🔗 Drew It's... That's the word I'm looking for. I got... It's too late at night for you.

1:22:56🔗 Caller Methuselah?

1:22:56🔗 Drew Yeah, I came up with that.

1:22:57🔗 Adam Rusty?

1:22:59🔗 Caller Yes.

1:23:00🔗 Adam Are you schizophrenic?

1:23:02🔗 Caller I don't think so. I mean, I've never been diagnosed. But I'm... Basically what I'm saying is that I'm admitting that I might have been abused. And I've never really thought about that or admitted that.

1:23:16🔗 Adam But... Who may have abused you? Who may have abused you?

1:23:21🔗 Caller It was a babysitter, family, friend kind of situation.

1:23:24🔗 Adam Well, it's...

1:29:18🔗 Drew Well, that Rusty was an interesting call.

1:29:26🔗 Adam Yes.

1:29:26🔗 Drew And people wonder, why aren't they answering the question? Yeah. Well, let's explain it. I mean, he used the third person to describe himself in a way that gave us a very unusual feeling.

1:29:36🔗 Adam Yeah, he said-

1:29:37🔗 Drew It was not a mistake. It was-

1:29:39🔗 Adam He didn't say, I don't do this. He said, he doesn't do this.

1:29:41🔗 Drew And then he talked as though he was talking about somebody else the entire time.

1:29:45🔗 Adam Very robotic.

1:29:46🔗 Drew Yeah, not that he was-

1:29:48🔗 Adam Detached.

1:29:48🔗 Drew Yeah, not that it was bogus, but that he was detached from himself to the point where it was like he was describing somebody else.

1:29:55🔗 Adam Drew and I really dug into this in the bathroom about two minutes ago. Oh yeah, you kids, you know, you think we don't care because we kid, but we're in the bathroom getting into this stuff. Either that or I'm complaining about my family.

1:30:10🔗 Drew Or sifting through my duke.

1:30:13🔗 Adam Well, I gotta identify.

1:30:14🔗 Drew That's fair, but in Rusty's case, it really does sound like he may have what's called a schizoaffective or some kind of schizophrenic type of condition where there is that detached quality. So it needs to be evaluated. That's why he both sets the cactus for the end of the call.

1:30:29🔗 Adam That's right. Brittany? You're 15?

1:30:33🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

1:30:33🔗 Adam What's up?

1:30:35🔗 Caller Basically, I've been depressed for like two months. I've been cutting and it's gotten like really bad at home. Like my daddy yells at me and my mom's just really strict. And so I got my belly button pierced like a few weeks ago and my mom's like saw it and she's like take it out. And then I couldn't really take it out. So she took me to the doctor and the doctor made a deal with me that she would like look at my cuts and then she would let me keep it. And so I did. And my mom's like, you're really not happy here, are you? And I was like, no. And so she's like, well then we'll find somewhere else for you. And so she's promised me that she'd find somewhere else for me and she's been looking and then-

1:31:13🔗 Drew What do you mean find somewhere else? Somewhere other than your home?

1:31:16🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:19🔗 Drew Like a hospital?

1:31:20🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. Like she told me that she found this one place, like this other person that I used to see, like for therapy. And she said that she could take me in. And so I'm like, well, can I think about it? And she told me that she'd give me like a couple of days. And so I'm just like running out of answers and I don't know like what to do.

1:31:41🔗 Adam Your mom, now this is your biological mother?

1:31:43🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:46🔗 Adam Phone's cutting in and out. We can't hear the answers. Well, now it's cut off completely.

1:31:51🔗 Caller No, I'm still here.

1:31:53🔗 Adam This is your mother and your father.

1:31:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:56🔗 Drew Biological.

1:31:57🔗 Caller Yes. Yeah, they're biological.

1:32:01🔗 Adam All right. So it sounds like a threat, but on the other hand, if you're acting out, your mom's at her wits end and maybe doesn't feel like she's capable of taking care of you, then maybe she does plan on taking you somewhere.

1:32:17🔗 Drew But it sounds like they're trying to place her in some sort of therapeutic community.

1:32:21🔗 Caller Yeah, like she promised me that she'd find somewhere for me. Like one day she came in my room and she was crying. She was like, Brittany, I'm trying to help you. And I just like tried to get away from her. She was like holding me down and I was like, I-

1:32:31🔗 Adam Why don't you give in to her?

1:32:34🔗 Caller Give in to her and her wishes.

1:32:37🔗 Adam Well, why?

1:32:39🔗 Caller Like, I don't know. I just like, the way they treat me, like they yell at me all the time and they make me feel really stupid. And whenever my mom touches me, I just want to like shrink away. And I get so mad at her and I'm really pissed off and stuff.

1:32:52🔗 Drew Do you have an eating disorder too?

1:32:55🔗 Adam What?

1:32:56🔗 Drew Do you have an eating disorder also?

1:32:57🔗 Caller No, no.

1:32:58🔗 Adam What do your parents do?

1:33:00🔗 Caller They're lawyers.

1:33:03🔗 Adam Oh my God, I'm so tired. I couldn't move my mouth by the attorneys. I said, what do your parents do? And I just went attorneys in my head. And I rarely ask unless they're attorney. It's always attorney. Well, last time actually mom was a lawyer and the dad was a doctor or something like that. But yeah.

1:33:21🔗 Caller My dad has a temper and he promised me he wouldn't yell at me and he's like, I'll give you like $10 each time I yell and he continues yelling.

1:33:31🔗 Adam Hypothetical, worst couple. Attorney, attorney, publicist, publicist. And I know publicists are all gay, so there's no such thing as a real, heterosexual publicist, publicist. But hypothetically, if there was such a thing as a straight publicist- Worse though than, I would say worse than attorney.

1:33:49🔗 Drew You think so? Attorney, yeah.

1:33:51🔗 Adam So it could be worse.

1:33:51🔗 Drew The thing about the attorney is they are so in their head with everything that they really deny the existence of emotional process. And everything can be sort of willed into submission. And are understood through sheer grit. And it's not the case. There are things that are experiential.

1:34:10🔗 Adam Well, Brittany. Do you think that you could stop acting out, not for your parents, but for you?

1:34:18🔗 Caller Well, I've tried. And I don't know, like people have told me, keep on trying to be happy and I try.

1:34:24🔗 Drew No, no, no, no, no.

1:34:25🔗 Adam Forget about happy.

1:34:26🔗 Drew Let's get some help for you. Find a way that you can get real relationships outside of the home. So you're not being- Like a therapeutic relationship, somebody who's there for you.

1:34:35🔗 Caller I have been, and I was seeing someone but she just wasn't working out. And so I guess my mom's trying to find someone new. I don't know.

1:34:41🔗 Adam Well, here's what I'm asking you to do, Brittany. I know you resent the hell out of your parents. Believe me, they're worse parents than your parents. We talk to people all night, every night, whose parents are physically, sexually abusing them. And they're living in squalor.

1:34:59🔗 Drew It's strange that those people idealize their parents.

1:35:01🔗 Adam They like their parents. Yeah, right. So here's the thing, Brittany. How about for your sake, you just give in to it just a little bit, let your mom do what she thinks best for you, and just let it go.

1:35:13🔗 Drew And not define yourself against your parents.

1:35:16🔗 Adam Yes.

1:35:17🔗 Drew Everything is about responding to them, repelling them.

1:35:21🔗 Adam Right.

1:35:21🔗 Drew No, no, just relax. Just find somebody that can help you sort through your feelings so you can get what you need from a relationship, and get on your life and have a happy life. That'd be the ultimate revenge.

1:35:33🔗 Adam Speaking of happy, Hannah's been on hold for 110 minutes and used inhalants when pregnant. Wants to know if the kid's messed up. How old is the kid? How old is your child?

1:35:47🔗 Caller Oh, I am only about six to seven months, or weeks, I'm sorry.

1:35:52🔗 Adam Weeks? Oh, so you used inhalants and you didn't know you're pregnant.

1:35:56🔗 Caller Yeah, I just found out last Friday that I'm pregnant and we're estimating that's about how much. And I did the whole whipped cream charger, whip it thing, I probably did about six to eight of them.

1:36:05🔗 Adam Ain't no big thing.

1:36:07🔗 Caller You sure?

1:36:08🔗 Drew That's nitrous.

1:36:09🔗 Adam Yeah, it's a little nitrous. Your kid's gonna be fine.

1:36:11🔗 Caller Okay, so it shouldn't affect the development of the brain or anything?

1:36:14🔗 Adam You gotta not do it anymore, but.

1:36:16🔗 Caller Oh, obviously, I've quit everything. I'm trying my best to take the best care of myself I can.

1:36:20🔗 Adam All right, good. And what are you gonna do? I'm gonna do it, but no, kids fine. They do the whip, they're good. I saw in the Scooby-Doo 2 thing. I saw Scooby and they're sucking on the.

1:36:31🔗 Drew It's the latest thing.

1:36:32🔗 Adam Sucking on the whipped cream can.

1:36:33🔗 Drew All the junior high school kids are into it now.

1:36:34🔗 Adam I saw it on the Scooby thing, can't be bad.

1:36:36🔗 Drew Really?

1:36:37🔗 Adam It's a little unresponsive when I saw it on the trend. We'll take a quick break, we'll be right back.

1:36:42🔗 Caller Here it is.

1:36:42🔗 Adam Bottom line, it sucks being single today.

1:36:45🔗 Caller Tons of lame people and no decent prospects.

1:36:48🔗 Caller Call the Dateline. 1-877-889-DATE.

1:36:52🔗 Drew You're listening to Live 105.

1:37:13🔗 Adam Another fabulous week put safely to bed. I want to thank Alanis Morissette for coming in here tonight. We look forward to a little bad religion tomorrow night. I want to thank producer Ann. I want to thank junior, junior producer Lauren for doing a great job all week. I want to thank engineer Anderson, five years to the day and still going strong. And also engineer Chris here in the studio.

1:37:47🔗 Drew Who you can identify by his Duke.

1:37:48🔗 Adam That's right. Nice. So, until next time, this is-

1:37:53🔗 Drew Brian.

1:37:54🔗 Adam Oh, phone screener Brian. Sorry, phone screen, Brian. Out of sight, out of mind, you know what I'm saying? Thanks, buddy, for doing a fantastic job all week long. So until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying, mahalo.

1:38:05🔗 Caller I say Vin-Lan, Vin-Laden, Vin-Laden, Vin-Laden, Vin-Laden.

1:38:09🔗 Adam Let's call the whole thing off. That's a good song.

1:38:16🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Annie Gold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

1:39:07🔗 Caller Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Episode Feedback