Wednesday, June 9, 2004

0:54🔗 Voiceover Loveline may contain sexually oriented content.

0:57🔗 Voiceover The listener discretion is advised.

1:00🔗 Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

1:05🔗 Voiceover That's Dr. Drew. 1-800-LOVE-191, Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Here we go. Trying to talk his way out of all his pathology. Jenny McCarthy is in the studio tonight. Belly Lapse is the name of her book. Drew's already, I had a horrible day. I'm in a horrible mood. Drew's in a bad mood because of Jenny's book.

1:32🔗 Drew Oh, that's right, because he's doing so well.

1:34🔗 Adam Jenny, Drew is, Drew is very, there's two things that Drew loves. He loves books and he loves colleges.

1:40🔗 Drew That's true.

1:41🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, and he loves, he loves it when his book does well and other people's books do horribly. Is that true? Yeah, and that's not what's happening in the case of Dr. Drew's book, which I can't even remember the name of it, Calling All Nerds and Belly Laps. And he is, he's livin.

2:01🔗 Drew Belly Laps is a, like Belly Laps is doing so well. New York Times bestseller.

2:06🔗 Adam It is high as number four on the New York.

2:11🔗 Jenny McCarthy It's wonderful. It pretty much shocked me the most out of anything I've done so far. I never, considering I hardly read any books in my entire life.

2:19🔗 Adam Y'all, now, now, now he's gonna kill himself.

2:22🔗 Drew Look out. She's able to discuss things like the Blue Twinkies. You'll notice this chapter here.

2:26🔗 Adam Mmm, oh, Blue Twinkies. That's a swollen vagina?

2:33🔗 Jenny McCarthy I forgot we could actually say those types of things, can't we?

2:36🔗 Adam We're a little something called Safe Harbor, sweetie. So we can do whatever we want. Ah, that's great.

2:40🔗 Jenny McCarthy Because I've been scorned by many producers across the country this tour.

2:44🔗 Adam Oh really?

2:44🔗 Jenny McCarthy Every show.

2:45🔗 Adam For saying vagina?

2:47🔗 Jenny McCarthy Can't say vagina, can't say, can't say boob.

2:50🔗 Adam Oh really?

2:51🔗 Jenny McCarthy Has to say breasts.

2:52🔗 Drew But that's, Twinkie-Hall, baby, woo!

2:55🔗 Adam Yeah, we could say Twinkie-Anne-Hall. Yeah, we could combine words, yeah. It's great.

3:01🔗 Jenny McCarthy I'm coming back now.

3:03🔗 Adam It's crazy, it's like we're adults. It's wacky. And it's great too, because you go on The View, you got a bunch of fat pent-up yentas who are talking to another group of 50-something-year-old fat pent-up yentas, and you can't say vagina. But you come on this show and you got a bunch of 14-year-olds listening to the show. Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina.

3:24🔗 Drew That's the beauty of it.

3:25🔗 Adam Blue vagina. Blue vagina. That one Elvis's greatest movie, by the way. Yeah, it doesn't make sense, and people say to me all the time, how come the guys doing the morning show can't say anything when all the kids are at school? But you can come on in the Safe Harbor at 10 o'clock at night and say whatever, and all you got is a bunch of 15-year-olds listening to the show.

3:46🔗 Jenny McCarthy So it's the time?

3:47🔗 Adam I don't know.

3:48🔗 Drew This is the Safe Harbor. Also, the idea here is that we have a reason to talk. Just the way in your book you talk about these things for a reason.

3:54🔗 Adam That's right, making money.

3:55🔗 Drew Had the anatomy changes. My wife called those the clappers, by the way.

4:00🔗 Jenny McCarthy That's after you have the baby where you're walking around and.

4:06🔗 Adam What goes on with the vagina?

4:08🔗 Drew What goes on with the old vagina?

4:10🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, there's, you know, I have a chapter called Niagara in My Pants, also.

4:14🔗 Adam Oh, moisture.

4:15🔗 Jenny McCarthy Because there is so much.

4:17🔗 Adam Moisture.

4:18🔗 Drew That's the progesterone.

4:19🔗 Jenny McCarthy That is what it's called. And it can burn holes in your underwear.

4:22🔗 Drew Nice.

4:23🔗 Adam With yours, it's not actual.

4:25🔗 Drew Some powerful stuff. Progesterone, it's progesterone creates. The placenta produces all this progesterone that produces a lot of it.

4:32🔗 Jenny McCarthy Is that why your nose also becomes very kind of stuffy and mucousy?

4:37🔗 Drew No, that's probably more just your total body volume, your fluid volume, your body goes way up, like three times normal. And so you're literally, you've got fluid everywhere. And so you lie down, it's like it goes up to your head.

4:47🔗 Jenny McCarthy You can tell this book is not clinical by any means. It's more like, oh my God, it's blue. And looks like two Twinkies under really bad carpeting. At least it makes people aware to ask questions.

5:02🔗 Drew They have to be ashamed of themselves.

5:04🔗 Jenny McCarthy No, exactly.

5:05🔗 Adam So when does the vagina go south? After the pregnancy or?

5:09🔗 Drew Third trimester.

5:09🔗 Adam Or third trimester.

5:10🔗 Drew Third trimester goes bad.

5:11🔗 Jenny McCarthy It does really go bad. That's when women can't really see it.

5:14🔗 Drew That's when they get aroused too though. That's true. They're walking around aroused all the time.

5:18🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yes.

5:19🔗 Drew They're walking because of the pressure and the thing and the progesterone. And it's, they walk around feeling like men do, from age of 12 to.

5:26🔗 Jenny McCarthy It was the horniest time of my life. Except I refuse to have sex.

5:31🔗 Adam Oh really?

5:32🔗 Drew Another thing that guys can't wear.

5:33🔗 Adam Why? You didn't feel beautiful?

5:35🔗 Jenny McCarthy I tried it once and it's called Pig in the Pasture. I was so fat.

5:40🔗 Adam Right.

5:41🔗 Jenny McCarthy That, and really you're only kind of pushed to do one position, which is kind of the dog.

5:48🔗 Adam That's what BGYN tells you, just do the O-G-P.

5:52🔗 Jenny McCarthy They say that's a comfortable position.

5:54🔗 Drew No, it's just, how's he gonna do it? Think about it.

5:57🔗 Adam Right, we have, but you said, but Jenny said you're pushed to do it in this one position. That's her husband.

6:03🔗 Jenny McCarthy They don't push you, but they recommend. The doctors recommend.

6:06🔗 Adam Why does it say I know everything that's going on?

6:10🔗 Jenny McCarthy But the problem is-

6:11🔗 Adam Do they really tell you doggy or do they, by the way-

6:14🔗 Jenny McCarthy They say on your hands and knees.

6:16🔗 Adam Yeah, see, we need a clinical name for doggy. And on hands and knees is a little lumpy. I mean, that's a sentence. You know what I mean? Doggy's a word. We need something. You know, we need- Wheelbarrow?

6:28🔗 Jenny McCarthy But I felt more like a pig.

6:29🔗 Adam Wheelbarrow, so different position. Pig in a pasture is what my name is. And as a woman, especially as one is used to being hot. See, that's your problem. You're used to being hot. Whereas a lot of women are not used to being hot. They get a big set of boobs out of it.

6:46🔗 Jenny McCarthy When you're 204 pounds.

6:48🔗 Adam Really? That much?

6:50🔗 Jenny McCarthy I really thought my husband was gonna get stuck in my butt cheeks because I was big.

6:57🔗 Adam Working the doggy. Did you give him some oral sex just to take the edge off?

7:01🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, I gave him a few here and there out of, obviously, you know, sympathy. Sympathy.

7:07🔗 Drew Sure. Sure. But it's hard to get that because they're so mad at you for converting them into this.

7:12🔗 Adam Uh-huh. You made them into the beast. Right.

7:15🔗 Jenny McCarthy I could just tell that my husband's fantasies were everywhere but here. He was looking off in the distance. I don't blame him. I just couldn't. But you know what? You are extremely horny during this time. So I just found taking care of my own self.

7:32🔗 Drew Did you have preeclampsia?

7:34🔗 Jenny McCarthy I did not.

7:34🔗 Adam What's that?

7:35🔗 Drew Do you get a high blood pressure and some kind of seizures? It could be dangerous. All the fluid, which I imagine a lot of that 200 pounds was fluid though.

7:45🔗 Jenny McCarthy I wish.

7:47🔗 Drew No.

7:47🔗 Jenny McCarthy I had still had, well, I lost 30 in the hospital. I had a C-section so I was there for a week.

7:52🔗 Drew So placenta, fluid and baby is 30 pounds.

7:54🔗 Jenny McCarthy Okay. And then I had 40 to go.

7:57🔗 Adam Oh really?

7:58🔗 Drew Yeah.

7:59🔗 Adam Oh, well, second book.

8:01🔗 Jenny McCarthy Second book.

8:02🔗 Adam Losing that fat.

8:03🔗 Jenny McCarthy Exactly.

8:04🔗 Drew And a video series to go with that. No.

8:06🔗 Adam That's right.

8:07🔗 Drew Look like Jenny McCarthy.

8:08🔗 Adam Yeah.

8:09🔗 Drew All right.

8:09🔗 Jenny McCarthy I want to be it.

8:10🔗 Adam Did you give the kid a goofy name?

8:12🔗 Jenny McCarthy Banana, you mean? Um, I gave him a name of Evan.

8:18🔗 Adam No, Evan's good.

8:19🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yes.

8:20🔗 Adam Evan's fine.

8:20🔗 Jenny McCarthy Spelled. I'm kind of embarrassed.

8:22🔗 Adam You even spelled it in a normal way?

8:24🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yes.

8:24🔗 Adam Oh, that's good. That's good.

8:26🔗 Jenny McCarthy He won't be made fun of, I don't think.

8:28🔗 Drew Okay. No, no, no. That's good.

8:29🔗 Adam It's nothing worse than this celebrity with the pretentious kid name. It's to me, there's a 70% chance the kid's gonna be a junkie already. You just, it's now 95.

8:41🔗 Jenny McCarthy But can't you see on the play?

8:42🔗 Adam Now Satchel is gonna be slamming heroin by then. He's laughing, believe me.

8:46🔗 Jenny McCarthy But this poor kid on the playground, you already heard the person say, some guy go, hey, Apple, check out my banana.

8:52🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. Apple are endless for poor Gwinnett's child. It just keeps going. I mean, you start gettin into Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. You just start looking. I would love a list of Hollywood couples who've crapped out a kid in the last five years and the names, they're ridiculous.

9:10🔗 Drew But I think the greatest threat to the child's well-being is what it speaks about, the pathology of how the parent sees the child. That we're gonna give them, this is my creation, and we're gonna give this creative name. As opposed to, hey, human beings gotta get through a productive life. Let's go here.

9:25🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, exactly.

9:25🔗 Drew That's it, period.

9:26🔗 Adam Yeah, I like celebrities to wave us to name their kid Mike, even if it's a girl. Just Mike.

9:32🔗 Drew Michael's good for a girl.

9:33🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, that is kind of.

9:34🔗 Adam Yeah, here's the thing too. Chicks with a dude name, always hot, or it's a disaster, but usually hot. Sometimes a train wreck, but mostly hot.

9:43🔗 Jenny McCarthy There's a lot of hot bodies out there.

9:45🔗 Adam Steve, Stevie, Stevie's great.

9:46🔗 Drew Sam.

9:47🔗 Adam Sam's a good one. Sam's a hot chick name. Jenny, Jenny, not that hot a chick name. You may be the hottest Jenny.

9:55🔗 Jenny McCarthy I graduated with 200 Jennifers.

9:58🔗 Drew That's the point of just so common and probability says it could be some.

10:01🔗 Adam Well, that's the whole thing about though, Jenny is a Jennifer hotter name than Jenny. You're the hottest. I mean, you probably would be the hottest Jennifer too. I'm kissing a little ass. Little.

10:12🔗 Jenny McCarthy I'm loving it though.

10:13🔗 Adam Little ass, but Jenny, definitely. Jenny, Jenny, look, Drew, blind date. You're going to be set up with Jenny or Jennifer.

10:21🔗 Drew Jennifer.

10:22🔗 Adam Hands down, right? No problem?

10:24🔗 Drew Yeah.

10:25🔗 Adam Done, right?

10:26🔗 Drew Done, yeah.

10:27🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Jenny is Jennifer with 20 extra pounds and needs to redo the roots.

10:35🔗 Jenny McCarthy A little circus clowning, huh?

10:36🔗 Adam Roots, you see the roots, yeah.

10:37🔗 Jenny McCarthy I see the roots.

10:38🔗 Adam Yeah, roots need to be done. Yes? Yes, that's Jenny.

10:41🔗 Jenny McCarthy God, is it genius.

10:42🔗 Adam Yeah, but you got, all right, so we got Evan. Any more kids?

10:47🔗 Jenny McCarthy You know, I'm starting to get the itch, which is kind of scary.

10:50🔗 Drew Is that how nature does that to you?

10:51🔗 Jenny McCarthy It's weird because that whole first year, I thought there's no way.

10:54🔗 Drew Ever again, no.

10:55🔗 Jenny McCarthy Ever, ever, never, ever after blowing out my body the way I did. And the exhaustion of having a baby.

11:01🔗 Drew There's something about 12 months, we looked at it, we had triplets, we looked at each other at the end of that 12 month and went, we should do it again. It's like, we talked for like an hour about it, then we went, what is the matter with us?

11:11🔗 Jenny McCarthy It's pregnancy amnesia.

11:12🔗 Drew It is an amnesia.

11:13🔗 Jenny McCarthy I do, I'm talking about that in the next book. The Pregnancy Amnesia, if we did not have it, we would never have another child.

11:19🔗 Adam Then, but next book's gonna be a workout book, right? No, but you gotta write a book about how you lost the 40 pounds.

11:27🔗 Jenny McCarthy That will be the third book. Really? The next one is the first year, cause there's so much, so many things about breastfeeding and hoping.

11:37🔗 Drew Yes, honest things about those that are not the same.

11:39🔗 Jenny McCarthy Cause my sitcoms don't seem to be working.

11:42🔗 Adam It's gonna be great, cause they're like, see the calendar pages blowing away and it's like, fast forward to 2017 and Jenny McCarthy sitting here and there's a decrepit Adam and Dr. Drew. She's like, 19 can be a very awkward year for a boy. 19 and a half.

12:04🔗 Jenny McCarthy I said, my next one's menopause after that.

12:07🔗 Adam It's got a.

12:07🔗 Jenny McCarthy My own personal summer.

12:08🔗 Adam That's the next one. Chapter four, the shame of junior college.

12:13🔗 Jenny McCarthy Oh, that's funny. Puberty. It's got those years.

12:17🔗 Adam All right, Drew's going nuts because he really, his book is.

12:20🔗 Drew I'm actually fine.

12:21🔗 Adam It's coming out in pulp. We decided.

12:23🔗 Drew Papyrus, I keep telling you it's papyrus. They'll be written in hieroglyph.

12:27🔗 Adam They're gonna come out in paperback, but that seemed too good for it. So they're just actually mashing wood pulp together and putting some words on it. And it'll be served in a bucket. Reach in and grab a handful of book.

12:41🔗 Drew Bucket of book.

12:41🔗 Adam You smear it out and if you piece it together, so be it. It'll be cheaper. It's the only book that'll be sold by the pound.

12:49🔗 Drew All right.

12:50🔗 Adam Jenny McCarthy, go out and buy that book. Let's get to the phones. What do you say?

12:54🔗 Drew Yeah.

12:55🔗 Adam Let's go now. Let's break it down. All right, all right. Let's go. Let's get a hand in. Yeah, no, no, it's all right. Here we go now. All right. Sarah? You're 27?

13:08🔗 I'm honored to be your first call of the night. I just want to say that I'm glad Dr. Drew is standing up for people like Books in School, because there are some of us out there. And I really enjoyed Drew's book, and I thought that it was really brave that he went out and sort of let everybody see his reactions to his patients, because it's not something that a lot of people in the field like to talk about.

13:30🔗 Drew Thank you, Sarah.

13:31🔗 That's great. So anyhow, on to my question. I have a really significant weight problem, and I'm not motivated to do anything about it. And what I was wondering is, would going to overeaters anonymous help me find motivation?

13:45🔗 Drew You're fast. That is an interesting way to pose that question. I don't think you've ever had to pose in that way. What do you think, Jenny?

13:52🔗 Jenny McCarthy I was really unmotivated after my pregnancy. I had to lose 40, and it wouldn't come off.

13:56🔗 Drew Where was the motivation?

13:58🔗 Jenny McCarthy Well, the motivation was just wanting to be with my baby and not really caring about myself at all. I kind of gave all of my needs to my baby.

14:05🔗 Drew And so at what point did you start to get motivated?

14:08🔗 Jenny McCarthy When I finally really looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't.

14:12🔗 Drew And what did you feel about it? Did we have this discussion? No, I didn't. And did you have a reaction to how you felt about yourself when you looked in the mirror and you went, oh, my God?

14:19🔗 Jenny McCarthy I was disgusted.

14:20🔗 Drew Disgusted. Disgust is the number one motivator of change I have found. And what's interesting, Sarah, is if you discuss, people, once they feel disgusted in themselves, whether they're drug addicts or people need to lose weight, then have no trouble motivating. And all of a sudden, it's like, oh, we got to do something here. The problem is, and this is what I don't know the answer to, how do you get people to look at themselves honestly where they let that in? Because it really is a moment where it happens. Everyone can tell you what room you were in, where it happened, the moment, and that was it. Boom, you turned it all around.

14:50🔗 Jenny McCarthy I passed the mirror and stopped and looked back.

14:52🔗 Drew But you passed it 100 times before. Right. And why is that time did it get in? And that's really the question. And in my, I'm really looking to, this is my next book, by the way. And I've been looking at this rather carefully. Relax, relax, it won't be any belly laughs. Come on now.

15:06🔗 Adam And listen, in order to save time printing them next time, why don't you just have your printer pop out like five, six copies and that'll do it. Yeah, that should cover it. They get one for you, give one to Anne, and then you'll sell.

15:20🔗 Drew I'll be fair, at least four will sell.

15:21🔗 Adam Sell three, yeah, just hit five when you're printing.

15:23🔗 Drew All right, but so far all I'm finding is that people seem to need to have a unique relation, a new, experience themself in a new way with a new kind of relationship. Maybe it was a relationship with your child that did, or maybe you changed the relationship with your husband or a new friend or something, but go out and find somebody, the kind of person you don't normally relate to or have in your life, but somebody you admire, somebody you appreciate, and get that relationship built. Spend a little time with that and see if that doesn't move you out of yourself.

15:50🔗 Adam Where does she find that relationship?

15:52🔗 Drew Well, in school, she says she's in school.

15:54🔗 Adam Well, you mean, what kind of relationship are you talking about?

15:56🔗 Drew A friendship, a friendship.

15:57🔗 Adam Hey, Sarah.

15:58🔗 Jenny McCarthy But then you become competitive.

16:00🔗 Drew Well, you know, whoever that person is.

16:02🔗 Adam It's an interesting, no, guys don't do that. That's a chick thing. Yeah. The interesting part is, is you're saying, well, you're unmotivated to lose weight. So if you go to an overeaters anonymous meeting, maybe that'll motivate you. And then I could argue, well, if you're going to the meeting, that's motivation. It's a chicken or egg kind of thing.

16:20🔗 Drew And you might.

16:21🔗 Adam Either way, just go to the meeting.

16:23🔗 Drew Right. There's the people that study these things talk about contemplative and pre-contemplative changes that lead to change. And the reality is once you get there, maybe there you'll find that kind of relationship or be able to relate people in a new way that will give you the distance or the opportunity to see yourself in a way that creates more motivation.

16:38🔗 Jenny McCarthy Can I tell you what really helped me? I needed something with structure and believe it or not, and they're not paying me to say this. No, Weight Watchers.

16:49🔗 Drew Yeah, they're excellent. Once you decide to do it, you have to have something that helps you do it.

16:53🔗 Jenny McCarthy Because it wasn't just me going to the gym on my own. It wasn't me buying a diet book. I needed some type of structure.

17:02🔗 Drew But again, with that structure, relationships came with it, right? It's the intersubjective, interpersonal experience.

17:09🔗 Jenny McCarthy I became a relationship with the woman that weighed me in every week that said, right on, three more pounds.

17:13🔗 Drew That's where you really, you can't do it by yourself. You can't make major change by yourself.

17:18🔗 Adam Really?

17:18🔗 Drew You can't do it. No, you can't do it. Our brains don't work that way. They work in diets.

17:22🔗 Adam But what do you call major change?

17:25🔗 Drew Losing 40 pounds.

17:26🔗 Adam Oh, people can do that on their own. But here's the other thing, Drew. You could break it down and find somebody. The husky chick at the scale who give Jenny the high five once a week is not a significant relationship. I mean, if you're gonna argue that, then everything is. Well, she didn't have to climb that high mountain.

17:47🔗 Jenny McCarthy I did join it with my sister. That was a help.

17:50🔗 Adam Oh yeah? How's she looking?

17:52🔗 Jenny McCarthy She's pretty damn good.

17:53🔗 Adam Really?

17:53🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah.

17:54🔗 Adam I don't trust that.

17:55🔗 Jenny McCarthy She's single.

17:55🔗 Adam What's her name?

17:57🔗 Jenny McCarthy She's not single. But she's not married is what I meant.

18:00🔗 Adam All right.

18:01🔗 Jenny McCarthy Her name is Jojo. She's a hot little redhead.

18:04🔗 Adam We were talking about the dude name thing just moments ago. And that's Jojo's clothes.

18:11🔗 Drew Well, it's a variation on that theme, isn't it? Where it's repeated.

18:16🔗 Adam Yeah. Oh no. Jojo sounds like a hot name. Yeah, that's a good name. And obviously good stock, but your parents are good looking, right? Yeah. And you're not quirky good looking, you're just good looking. So when you get the quirky good looks, it could mean, you know, bad stock, but some kind of weird little magic in the stew.

18:35🔗 Drew Something like that.

18:35🔗 Adam Then you see the sister and you realize, okay, this is where, this is how it should have been. You are funny. You see what I'm saying? You don't have that. Yeah. Let's see. I don't know, but what about this? Is your, and don't tell me about how great looking your parents are. Are they, are they good looking though?

18:52🔗 Jenny McCarthy They're good looking.

18:52🔗 Adam They're good looking. All right, stuff. Drew, your parents are decent looking, right? My parents are a mess. You see my parents, Drew?

18:59🔗 Drew You're inside the assembly.

19:00🔗 Adam Not great looking. Yeah, I'm doing as good as I could. Like if you, you look at me, you don't think, hot. If you saw my parents, you're gonna get a trophy. Oh my God, but this man is overcome. Amazing. Angela. You're 23? What's up? What's up?

19:20🔗 Caller Well, I kind of have a problem. I, it started a while ago. I've been married for three years and around the time of our first year anniversary, my husband and I decided that we would go our separate ways just because he's a pretty mean guy.

19:37🔗 Drew Which anniversary? Your first anniversary?

19:39🔗 Caller Our first anniversary. And I moved out of the house and I was seeing this other guy who I worked with, who I work with again now. And we had sex one time and I ended up pregnant.

19:55🔗 Drew That's always a remark when you hear that, right?

19:57🔗 Adam Yeah, but that's just albino white trash. That's how that works. Yeah, if you had a few years of college under your belt, you wouldn't have no pregnancy.

20:06🔗 Caller Well, no, I did go to college.

20:07🔗 Drew No, the guy.

20:08🔗 Adam No, but that's junior. I'm not talking about junior college.

20:13🔗 Caller No, I went to a major university for two years before.

20:17🔗 Adam You did?

20:17🔗 Caller Yeah, I did before that happened.

20:21🔗 Drew What'd you study?

20:24🔗 Adam That's interesting.

20:26🔗 All right.

20:27🔗 Drew What school did you go to?

20:31🔗 Adam Boilermaker. I think that school is named after a drink. Yeah, I'm pretty sure the drink was around first. I'd like to go to like Tom Collins University, like Bloody Mary University. All right, anyway, go ahead.

20:46🔗 Caller Anyway, I found out I was pregnant. I went home and my husband and I tried to work things out. He's a great father, all of that. But I still wonder, you know, if this other guy could be her dad and.

21:01🔗 Drew Oh, I see. So I get it. You made it, you led us to believe the other guy is the dad. So you think it might be the dad. I would say the odds are it's not the dad.

21:09🔗 Adam No, it's not. Well, the junior college thing settles it for me.

21:12🔗 Drew No, it couldn't be the dad.

21:13🔗 Adam Couldn't be the dad.

21:14🔗 Drew Right, that's right.

21:14🔗 Adam If you said junior college, it would be the dad.

21:16🔗 Drew Right, right, right.

21:16🔗 Adam If you know it's your Purdue, no.

21:20🔗 Drew But here's the deal, Angela, you are looking for trouble. You need the, here's why you can't live with your husband currently is he's gone from being the abusive, unavailable guy to the nesting, caretaking guy who's actually, sounds like he wants to settle down and be a human.

21:35🔗 Adam Not gonna work.

21:36🔗 Drew But that won't work for you. You need the chaos. You need the guy not treating you right.

21:40🔗 Caller Although he's a great father, he's still mean to me.

21:43🔗 Drew Oh, well, all right.

21:46🔗 Caller You know, my neighbors hear him yelling at me often.

21:49🔗 Drew How about a little, on behalf of the child, how about a little couple's work?

21:52🔗 Caller What's that?

21:53🔗 Drew How about a little couple's therapy on behalf of the child? All right, let's work on that. Sounds like he, listen, one of the big hurdles is getting somebody to commit themselves. And it sounds like he's ready to do that.

22:05🔗 Mm-hmm, I don't know.

22:07🔗 Drew No?

22:07🔗 Adam Hey, what's he do?

22:09🔗 Caller He's a minor heavy equipment operator.

22:12🔗 Adam Mm-hmm.

22:13🔗 Caller Yeah.

22:14🔗 Adam So he's under 18.

22:15🔗 Caller I don't know, but he has been abusive in the past.

22:19🔗 Adam Physically.

22:20🔗 Caller Physically and mentally, as far as the mean comments.

22:28🔗 Adam Okay, well, he needs to get some help for this.

22:30🔗 Drew And let's start with the together. So, let's see, it's because we're hearing her side of the story, who knows how they fit together in some way. And so, let's get on with it.

22:37🔗 Adam All right, and stop doing this retarded dance with the guy. You got a kid now, okay?

22:41🔗 Drew Commit yourself, yeah. Yeah, just commit yourself to it. Sounds like he's in, you get in. Forget about this other guy, just forget it. You've got your mom now.

22:48🔗 Adam The cops, did the cops ever come out to the house?

22:51🔗 Caller Well, we did go to the hospital and they came up there.

22:54🔗 Adam The cops did? You mean after he socked you or something?

22:59🔗 Caller No, after he hit me.

23:01🔗 Adam Oh, okay.

23:02🔗 Drew As opposed to socked her.

23:05🔗 Adam Doesn't actually involve a sock. It's confusing that way.

23:07🔗 Drew It can be.

23:08🔗 Adam Yeah, it's sort of like the word cold cock. It really doesn't involve frozen penis. It's actually about getting hit. There's many things with hit. Belted, it all involves the fist. No belt, no cocked. No sock. It's interesting. Even punch. One could, you know, it's no fruity liquid. Yeah, interesting, Drew. We should break that. Drew, there's your next book. The Origin of People Getting Smashed in the Face and Why They Call It Anything But What It Is. Jenny McCarthy is in studio tonight. Belly Laps, name of her book. She sold enough copies, but she could always sell a few more. Just twist a knife with that, Dr. Drew.

23:52🔗 Jenny McCarthy I got private school to pay for.

23:54🔗 Adam That's right, that's right. We'll take a little break and we'll be right back after this.

24:08🔗 Jenny McCarthy Every hour.

24:21🔗 Adam Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. True. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1. Jenny McCarthy is in studio tonight. Alanis Morissette is in tomorrow night. Belly Laughs, name of the new book. It's been out for a couple of months. At least I've seen Jenny making the rounds. And Jenny surprised by how many copies are books old. I think Drew feels the same in a negative way about his book. Surprised though, fair, fair to say.

24:50🔗 Fair, fair. Yeah, fair, fair.

24:52🔗 Jenny McCarthy Well, I'm gonna go on Amazon tonight and get yours.

24:54🔗 Adam Go get that book. It's called, what's it called, Drew? It's called Cracked. And everyone tells me it's great. They absolutely do.

25:03🔗 Drew My buddy, my buddy is a big supporter of mine. He's read the book. Oh no, wait a minute.

25:08🔗 Adam I'm not a reader.

25:08🔗 Drew It's been out, it's only been out, well, it's been out a year.

25:11🔗 Adam It's been out a whole year. Has it been a year?

25:13🔗 Drew Yeah.

25:13🔗 Adam Cause you know my thing, if it hasn't been out five, all the great, all the great work, Drew, hundreds of years old, you see what I'm saying? This is a move, those books by-

25:25🔗 Drew That's why you started with the Bible, let's say.

25:27🔗 Adam Socrates and those guys, all dead. Then you got your Shakespeare's. Maybe alive, maybe dead. He's certainly old if he's still alive. The point is, is all the great work, at least they're a couple of hundred years old. So I'm going to have to just wait 175 years.

25:42🔗 Drew Let your children read my book, I guess.

25:44🔗 Adam That's right, their children. What were we talking about? Yeah, the book. Oh, so now who's buying this book? Is it pregnant? I mean, here's what I'm saying. Okay, here's what I'm saying. There's a sort of myth where, well, you just go out, you go on the Jimmy Kimmel show, you come on Loveline, you do the press junket, and you sell product.

26:07🔗 Drew No.

26:08🔗 Adam It never works. If your movie sucks and no one wants to see it, then it sucks and no one wants to see it. And you see these poor actors and actresses everywhere and nobody sees their movie. And if people decide they want to see the movie, they go out and see it, whether you see the person plugging in on the view or not. So people have decided they want to read this book, obviously, because it's doing so well, and you've been out pushing it. But if they didn't want to read it, they wouldn't care if you were writing it, especially you, because it's like, oh, that's that chick from the thing, what she know about. So who's buying it? Or do you know? Is it pregnant women?

26:44🔗 Jenny McCarthy Pregnant women.

26:45🔗 Drew It's gotta be more than that, though.

26:47🔗 Adam It's gotta be.

26:47🔗 Jenny McCarthy It's also people, young people thinking about having kids. Also, husbands are getting it. Also, women that want to buy a good shower gift.

26:58🔗 Adam You think people are getting it for people?

27:00🔗 Yes, absolutely.

27:01🔗 Jenny McCarthy Gifts, huge amounts of gifts. You know, I kind of, when it first came out, I went on Amazon to see, someone said, there's reviews. I thought, oh my God, usually I'm reading horrid things. So I was really praying not to read any. And I was reading them and I was so relieved because there were women that have had three babies and were looking for something new. And there were so many like that, that I felt like, oh, so it's not only like women that just want to educate themselves, but something, looking for something different.

27:32🔗 Drew Your writing style is very, very pleasant. The compelling is not the right word. It's welcoming, you know what I mean?

27:38🔗 Jenny McCarthy I've always been pretty much approachable.

27:40🔗 Drew And it comes through with the writing.

27:42🔗 Jenny McCarthy And I wanted that. I want to be like, I'm talking to you on the phone.

27:44🔗 Drew Here's a paragraph.

27:46🔗 Adam Read some out loud.

27:47🔗 Drew This is Jenny with the chapter about the apple in the butt, is what it's called.

27:50🔗 Jenny McCarthy Is that an apple on your rectum? Are you just happy to see me?

27:53🔗 Drew Hemorrhoids.

27:53🔗 Adam Hemorrhoids.

27:54🔗 Drew Yeah, so she's in the waiting room, couldn't stop thinking, is he gonna look at my-

27:58🔗 Adam In the waiting room.

27:58🔗 Drew Waiting room with the doctor.

27:59🔗 Adam Waiting room, okay.

28:00🔗 Drew I sat waiting, I couldn't stop thinking, is he gonna look up my butt? The assistant walked out, shouting, Jenny McCarthy, you're next. Of course, everyone in the waiting room looked up in surprise and knew that they were thinking, you knew they were thinking, Jenny did. Wow, Jenny McCarthy has butthole problems too.

28:14🔗 Jenny McCarthy But then I was, thank you.

28:16🔗 Adam Drew's gonna kill himself, maybe before the show's over. He's writing about her ass, moving products.

28:23🔗 Jenny McCarthy All I knew is I had to write-

28:24🔗 Adam Drew's put his guts out. Drew wrote his book in his own blood and then so far, only his wife has read it.

28:31🔗 Drew And she didn't finish it.

28:32🔗 Adam She didn't finish it, she started it. She had a longer bowel movement and she would have gotten further along. What about the hemorrhoids? I hear about that.

28:46🔗 Drew Did you have to get them banned or anything?

28:48🔗 Jenny McCarthy No, they were obviously worse after delivery, but that's, of course, not talked about yet. I never had them before in my life and I can't even believe that they exist. They're like balloon knots in a way, but just more swollen.

29:07🔗 Drew They do look vegetable-ish.

29:09🔗 Adam How do you get them to? I've never had one myself. I had something I thought was it the ones I was convinced to put preparation on it for a week.

29:16🔗 Jenny McCarthy Once you get them, then you continuously get them.

29:19🔗 Adam Oh, really?

29:19🔗 Drew Yes. Once you've got them, you've got them.

29:21🔗 Adam Right. Oh, bad times.

29:23🔗 Jenny McCarthy Bad, bad, bad times, especially when you're really constipated and you're trying to get them out.

29:29🔗 Drew Oh, oh, oh.

29:30🔗 Adam How do you get those out of there, by the way, those hemorrhoids?

29:33🔗 Drew When you get rid of them? Yeah. They can band them. They sort of tie them off or they can actually cut them out.

29:37🔗 Adam When they tie them off, what do they do?

29:40🔗 Drew They are the big veins. You tie the vein off.

29:42🔗 Adam And what's it do? Is it kill it?

29:44🔗 Drew It shrinks it, yeah.

29:45🔗 Adam It shrinks it? Oh, because it doesn't have a supply? Right.

29:48🔗 Jenny McCarthy But what about going through another pregnancy? Would they come out again?

29:51🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. But let me tell you something. I don't want to scare you. But I've noticed my patients go for various procedures. The one that seems to trouble them the most is the hemorrhoid procedure. I mean, it is apparently terribly uncomfortable. You realize every time you blink, you move your butt.

30:07🔗 Jenny McCarthy Oh, God, you're right. Because I'm moving my butt right now as I'm blinking. Yeah, I did that too.

30:11🔗 Adam It's actually every time I move my butt, I blink. I got hooked up the other direction. It's crazy. There it goes. You guys go that direction because I go, I start and move up. Interesting. Garrett?

30:30🔗 Yeah.

30:31🔗 Adam You're 18?

30:31🔗 Caller I am.

30:33🔗 Adam What's happening?

30:35🔗 Caller I was just actually had a question for Jenny. First of all, how's it going, Jenny?

30:40🔗 Jenny McCarthy It's good. How are you?

30:41🔗 Caller I'm doing great. It's good to talk to you. I've always been a big fan of yours.

30:45🔗 Jenny McCarthy Oh, thank you.

30:47🔗 Caller What my question was, I was just kind of wondering, I don't know if you've ever thought about it. I would assume that at some point throughout your career, you would have. Have you ever thought and has it ever grossed you out that guys maybe look at your Playboys, at Playboys and think of it intimately and everything?

31:10🔗 Adam Think of it intimately.

31:11🔗 Drew Speaking of Shakespeare, there he is.

31:13🔗 Caller Yeah. Wow.

31:14🔗 Jenny McCarthy People have actually asked me this question before and I kind of block it out, so to speak. I think if that's all I thought about, I don't think I would do bikini shots.

31:28🔗 Drew You must process in some other way because we block that out about men normally.

31:34🔗 Adam Women don't. When they get grossed out, when they think about guys at work.

31:37🔗 Jenny McCarthy Do you know what honestly girls think about? Oh, I hope I look skinny. Not, oh, I hope this guy is getting aroused. It's like, God, I hope you can see my rib cage.

31:47🔗 Drew But that I look skinny is for other girls.

31:49🔗 Jenny McCarthy Right. But that's your biggest concern when you're kind of showing it off.

31:54🔗 Drew How other girls.

31:55🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yes. How the guy's girlfriend is going to review you.

31:58🔗 Drew This is women are so different. Yeah.

32:02🔗 Jenny McCarthy I mean, that's really what I was thinking about.

32:04🔗 Adam Well, I think women realize that women are the competition. And this is this is who they have to compete with.

32:12🔗 Drew But the product is not being produced for that effect.

32:16🔗 Adam I know. I know. Very. I know. And this is why. And I finally stopped complaining. I mean, you know, guys, we as guys say to women all the time, look, we don't need the huge humongous boobs.

32:31🔗 Drew Although you do.

32:33🔗 Adam I do like. I would say needs a strong word. But must have must have. Yeah. That's thank you. Yeah. Imperative, I think.

32:43🔗 Drew It's a little over. That's just been to it.

32:46🔗 Adam Yeah. We'll die with that.

32:47🔗 Drew This positive.

32:48🔗 Adam That's right. The point is, is there's a whole bunch of stuff that women that the guys don't want that women are trying to do. And if such such as be extremely skinny. Most guys I know do not want an extremely skinny girl. They're not doing it for the guys. They're doing it for the girls. And it's a little and we that doesn't compute with us at all. There's nothing we do that's for the guys. We do it for the girls.

33:16🔗 Drew Period.

33:17🔗 Adam Right. That's the only thing that makes sense. Yeah.

33:19🔗 Drew It's so different.

33:20🔗 Adam Yeah.

33:20🔗 Jenny McCarthy If I was a guy, I'd probably want a girl with some meat on her bones.

33:24🔗 Drew Most you want you want. Listen, what really we're attracted to as males is things that sort of are associated with fertility. And that's, you know, that's a little bit of size.

33:35🔗 Adam Yeah. The you know, the thing like most most guys, I'll tell you like one thing. Here's one thing women never talk about that guys don't really like. Guys don't like a flat ass.

33:46🔗 Drew No.

33:46🔗 Adam Guys would rather have a sort of bulbous ass than a flat ass. Women are constantly trying to shrink their ass. Rightfully so in many cases. But guys not so concerned with the flat ass or the no ass, guys like a little little meat on the ass and not as obsessed with the big boobs as they think as women think women. Women actually could take the boob in the ass and sort of flip it over like I do with my blinking. You know, my rectum controls my eyelids. Yeah. It's like I've heard you speak. We don't need the guys don't need the D cup. They need the BC.

34:23🔗 Drew Guys look for symmetry.

34:24🔗 Adam Yeah, guys don't need the bony flat ass. They need it. Just flip it over. Whatever your perception of ass to boob ratio is for most for most women, get the chick to walk on her hands. That's the reality of what that ratio is. And yes, this is yes, the flat ass, the bony, it's skinny. It looks better.

34:44🔗 Drew Where this really goes bad with young people now is that they, you know, in our age, we were indoctrinated with the idea of men and women same, exactly the same, how they experience themselves in relationships, how they experience sexually, same. And now we've got this whole hookup thing going on where guys are interested in hook up because that's all they want to do. It's all they're interested in. And women sort of trying to keep up with that, trying to understand that. When I go to colleges and I asked women what alternative sort of social structure would work for them, they always say the same thing, which is why I just wish somebody would just sit down and talk to me, which guys cannot, I mean, like, what the hell are you talking about? What do you mean? And they've shown now in functional MRI scans of men and women that men's brain light up in a certain pattern when they're looking at pornography. The women's brain lights up in a similar pattern during emotionally significant conversation.

35:32🔗 Jenny McCarthy God, why does that have to be that way?

35:35🔗 Drew It is, but why does it have to be that we can't discuss it realistically? Why do you have to say, well, society has done this? No, we're wired now. It's how we're wired. It's fine to be, to express your sexuality, but to deny how it really sort of works is to create unhappiness.

35:50🔗 Jenny McCarthy Can I ask a question, maybe a little different than what we're talking about, but what age are kids now having sex at?

35:57🔗 Drew Depends on.

35:57🔗 Adam Nine. If you listen to this show, between eight and nine.

36:00🔗 Jenny McCarthy Is it?

36:01🔗 Drew Yeah. That's right. We're basically doing worse than any other industrialized country. At-risk kids, 14, or blow jobs before, oral sex. It depends on the population you're looking at.

36:14🔗 Adam Your kid, your kid, shaved five years off of Drew's 16 estimate. Because he's got good-looking parents, he's...

36:22🔗 Jenny McCarthy Because I was a little more risque at a younger age. I was a little bit more risque.

36:27🔗 Adam Well here's the thing. 16 is probably... Well, technically losing your virginity may be around 16. But we're talking to people that think a BJ at 13 is perfectly fine. A lot of that. All night, every night.

36:46🔗 Drew Yeah.

36:46🔗 Adam That's why I gotta build a time machine and actually...

36:49🔗 Drew Come back.

36:51🔗 Adam Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna build a time machine, I'm gonna go back in the future to 14, then I'm gonna move it ahead 10 years from where we are now.

37:00🔗 Drew Yes, it'll be 14 now.

37:00🔗 Adam I'm gonna transport... Not now.

37:02🔗 Drew Oh, ahead.

37:03🔗 Adam 2014.

37:04🔗 Drew Oh, because you figured it'd be even better then.

37:06🔗 Adam At 14, it'll be even better.

37:07🔗 Drew Okay.

37:08🔗 Adam I'll probably get hit with like, uh-oh, he's got new aides. What? There'll be some new weirdo wacky diseases.

37:14🔗 Drew Maybe that'll have this huge conservative trend back towards, uh... Yeah.

37:17🔗 Adam They're gonna be wearing scarlet letters with a big B. It'll be like druids. I'll be wearing a chain and I'll have that bad bang haircut with the greasy bangs. Like, I'll be wearing my sketchier shoes. Hey, ladies! And everyone will be dressed like druids. Oh, and I'll get poked like right in the middle of like some sacrificial altar thing. What? Mr. Wizard! No! Yeah, you're right. That could happen. So, I'm going to come back.

37:45🔗 Drew That virtually guarantees it. If you actually pull this off.

37:47🔗 Adam I'll come back at 14 to now and get myself the hummers I never got. You know what I mean?

37:53🔗 Jenny McCarthy 13, I guess. You can come back at 13.

37:55🔗 Adam I was thinking about that, but that was a bad year for me, my 14 smoother.

38:02🔗 Jenny McCarthy I think girls are more risque at a younger age than 16 even.

38:06🔗 Adam Oh, yes.

38:07🔗 Jenny McCarthy Because I was like 12 messing around.

38:11🔗 Adam You're on my list, by the way, when I come back. I'll work that time machine out.

38:15🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, but then I think about my kids.

38:18🔗 Adam When were you 12? I've got to set the thing. You're 12 and like 87 or something.

38:24🔗 Jenny McCarthy I graduated in 86.

38:25🔗 Drew You're setting the glory in 1982.

38:27🔗 Jenny McCarthy I was 85.

38:29🔗 Adam I'm going to set it for January 86, play it safe, and I'll catch you about 13.

38:36🔗 Jenny McCarthy You know what's scary is there's probably some kids listening going, God, I was born in 1985.

38:43🔗 Drew Oh, holy Christ.

38:45🔗 Jenny McCarthy Most.

38:46🔗 Drew Those are college-age kids. You're kidding. Think about it.

38:49🔗 Adam Wow. Watch this. We got to take a break. But Dora. What year were you born? 91. All right. Hold on a second. I feel better about that.

38:59🔗 Drew 91? Why does that make you feel better?

39:01🔗 Adam Jenny McCarthy's got to kill herself. Drew's got to kill himself. 91.

39:05🔗 Drew Born in 91. That graduate high school.

39:07🔗 Jenny McCarthy That's what I was thinking, graduating high school in 91.

39:09🔗 Adam You were tired of sex in 91. You were burnt out.

39:12🔗 Jenny McCarthy I was the first year of college in 91.

39:13🔗 Adam Yeah. Burnt out on sex. And she wasn't even born yet.

39:16🔗 Drew I was done with medical school.

39:20🔗 Adam Let's take a break. Let's all kill ourselves during the break. And then I'll go. You guys kill yourselves. I'll go to the time machine. Chris, you're going to have to do the show.

39:29🔗 Drew Finally. Finally. We've been waiting.

39:31🔗 Adam Well, Jenny McCarthy here tonight. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-1-9-1. Alanis Morissette coming in tomorrow night. Jenny McCarthy in studio tonight.

40:18🔗 Jenny McCarthy I love fake applause.

40:19🔗 Adam Belly, well.

40:20🔗 Drew Let her have it, Anderson.

40:21🔗 Adam Yeah, belly laughs, everybody. Number 12 on the New York Times Best Celebrity List. That's where it is now. That's where it is now. But it has been as high as number four.

40:33🔗 Drew Words out of Amazon, do you check?

40:35🔗 Jenny McCarthy I think the lowest it got was seven.

40:38🔗 Drew Seven? Wow, that's awesome.

40:41🔗 Jenny McCarthy But now it's like in the 200s.

40:43🔗 Drew Still, that's awesome.

40:44🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, I was really happy.

40:46🔗 Adam Drew did, well, seven if you put a couple zeros on it.

40:49🔗 Jenny McCarthy My other book said 215,000, so that might make it better.

40:52🔗 Drew There was another book.

40:53🔗 Jenny McCarthy There was another.

40:54🔗 Adam Oh, really?

40:54🔗 Jenny McCarthy I didn't write it, though, you would think.

40:56🔗 Adam You see, that's what happens. What was that about? Not having kids?

41:03🔗 Jenny McCarthy That's a whole other session.

41:05🔗 Adam Really?

41:05🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, it was just like an autobiography at age 21.

41:09🔗 Adam Sure. Yeah.

41:10🔗 Jenny McCarthy Why not?

41:11🔗 Adam Well, you got to strike while the iron is hot.

41:14🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, I was. I was cashing in my casino chips.

41:16🔗 Adam Yeah. All right, where are we? We're going to the phones. I'll tell you what. Susan?

41:23🔗 Yes.

41:24🔗 Adam You're 19? What's up?

41:27🔗 Caller I'm just wondering how often.

41:28🔗 Adam Hold on a second. Can you make any money selling a book?

41:31🔗 Drew Not really. We were talking about this during Strikers.

41:33🔗 Adam Not really, right?

41:34🔗 Jenny McCarthy Not really. I joke about getting money, but it's really out of.

41:38🔗 Drew Here's a New York Times bestseller telling you that. You don't make money writing books. Now, she goes back now and says, I'm a bestseller. I want to write another book. She might get a reasonable amount of money, but not huge. No. Not huge. Not a crawl of money by any stretch.

41:52🔗 Adam Well, I'm literally a millionaire.

41:54🔗 Drew That's what I'm talking about.

41:55🔗 Adam Literally, literally, literally, Jenny.

41:59🔗 Jenny McCarthy Literally.

41:59🔗 Adam Literally a millionaire. Literally. Literally.

42:03🔗 Yeah.

42:05🔗 Adam So, of course, you're not literally going to become a millionaire.

42:08🔗 Drew No, I mean, you're not even going to get literally the kind of salary that Adam Carolla would command. Not even close.

42:13🔗 Really?

42:14🔗 Drew Not even close.

42:14🔗 Adam Really?

42:15🔗 Drew Yeah.

42:15🔗 Adam Literally.

42:15🔗 Jenny McCarthy What I got for this book maybe would cover an hour of your time.

42:19🔗 Adam Really? Really? So sad. See, and that's why I don't read, because I figure if they pay these people, why should a literal millionaire have to read what folks are getting, what, $12, $13 an hour?

42:33🔗 Drew It's never going to convert.

42:34🔗 Adam Yeah, I mean, Drew, seriously, you want to do something sad? How many hours do you think you worked on your book? Yeah, under minimum wage. Under minimum wage.

42:45🔗 Oh, way.

42:46🔗 Adam You got like $0.30 an hour to write your book.

42:48🔗 Drew Chris and I were very...

42:49🔗 Adam Chris the engineer laughed at what you got paid. He gets $10 an hour. By the way, $10 an hour for sitting on a stool like a retard all night and not laughing at my jokes, by the way. When you look at $10 an hour for that, it's not bad.

43:01🔗 Drew I laugh sometimes.

43:02🔗 You're right.

43:04🔗 Drew He's a genius.

43:05🔗 Jenny McCarthy He's concentrating.

43:07🔗 Adam Yeah, give me the stink guy sitting on a stool for an hour, really. It's good money. Be like, you get paid to go home and nap.

43:14🔗 Drew It's where it is struggling with a story.

43:18🔗 Adam Drew hunched over a hot word processor for years.

43:23🔗 Drew It's usually a year and a half.

43:25🔗 Adam A year and a half. Thousands of man hours. If you build, like lawyers build, where they're like, well, I was out on the golf course and I was thinking about a couple of cases and one of them is yours. So Jackoff's got to charge you for that. If you're going to build like this, we're driving your car, thinking about your book, jogging, thinking about your book, what do you think you made? And then what you've been compensated for now, it's cents.

43:50🔗 Drew It's under a dollar.

43:52🔗 Adam Not a dollar. An hour. That's why I'm not going to read that. Whereas Jenny is probably up in into the dollars. Is into the dollars.

44:03🔗 Drew Maybe even tens of dollars an hour. Even the Chris money.

44:07🔗 Adam You can make Chris money. Susan. You're 19.

44:12🔗 Drew And of course you throw on the marketing she's got to do.

44:15🔗 Adam That's true. Yes.

44:17🔗 Caller Oh, yes.

44:18🔗 Adam Yes.

44:18🔗 Caller Okay, I'm just wondering how often it's normal for girls to pleasure themselves.

44:26🔗 Adam Well, I think it varies quite a bit with women because it goes from none. And that's normal for them to quite a bit. Which can be normal for them.

44:36🔗 Drew Right.

44:37🔗 Jenny McCarthy I can't wait to see you guys answer this question.

44:40🔗 Drew Well, it's all over the place. And this one is a great mystery for men is that every woman is different this way and we can't quite understand that. There are, I would dare say, not a majority, but a large percentage of women who never masturbate or have difficulty achieving orgasm and masturbation. And there are those that don't find masturbation pleasurable but are still able to have multiple orgasms. So there's sort of a full gamut here. The thing I think you need to look at is whether or not it's becoming preoccupying, whether it's compulsive, whether you have a trauma history and you're using masturbation.

45:11🔗 Caller Well, that's the reason I'm asking, is because I've been doing it for as long as I can remember, ever since I was really little. And I've always done it when I've sort of been stressed out. And I have a little cousin and she's five years old. And I've noticed her kind of doing the same thing when she's stressed out, when she's in a bad situation.

45:28🔗 Adam Do all kids diddle when they get freaked out?

45:31🔗 Drew They do, but they really start self stimulating when there's chaos in the home. So a bad family situation. We'll start that over.

45:37🔗 Caller It's not a bad family situation. She has a wonderful family situation.

45:40🔗 Drew What was yours?

45:42🔗 Caller It was good. I love my family.

45:44🔗 Drew Yeah, I know you love your family, but there must've been a lot of anxiety, a lot of chaos in the family.

45:48🔗 Caller Maybe, but I don't think it necessarily stemmed from my family. I've just always been sort of a stressed out person, I think. And I was just wondering if this is a-

45:56🔗 Drew Wait, five year olds are not stressed out if their family is a safe place for them.

46:01🔗 Caller We'll see, she does have a brother with a disability.

46:03🔗 Drew No, for you, for you.

46:04🔗 Adam She's got a brother, what's the brother's disability?

46:08🔗 Drew That's a big deal. That's a big deal.

46:10🔗 Caller It's heavy.

46:11🔗 Adam I would beat off if I had a brother with a disability. Not to him.

46:14🔗 Drew No, just better.

46:17🔗 Caller Like, is she going to be stunted?

46:19🔗 Adam Who's he gonna tell? No, it's just, no one's gonna believe him.

46:23🔗 Drew It's not the masturbation that, it's just a symptom.

46:25🔗 Adam Jenny wouldn't leave the room, would you?

46:26🔗 Drew And it's a symptom that there may be-

46:28🔗 Adam Who's he talking to?

46:30🔗 Drew And maybe deficiency is what we call affect regulation. She may have deficiencies of the ability to regulate her feeling states, the intensity and the duration of feelings, maybe often. That's something that she may need therapy for someday.

46:40🔗 Adam All right, okay, good times. Jenny, ironically, so we can have our young teenage listeners masturbate, do your masturbation. What are you good for?

46:50🔗 Jenny McCarthy What am I good for?

46:50🔗 Adam Once a day.

46:51🔗 Jenny McCarthy When she was pregnant, it was possible. The more I do it, the more I wanna do it.

46:55🔗 Adam Of course, yeah, slippery slope.

46:58🔗 Jenny McCarthy So when I am not really stressed with work is when I find myself doing it more. You go to this. Sometimes.

47:05🔗 Drew Not stressed.

47:06🔗 Jenny McCarthy When I'm not stressed. When I'm kind of relaxed.

47:09🔗 Drew We gotta take a break, but I have a ton of questions.

47:12🔗 Adam But just give me a number.

47:14🔗 Jenny McCarthy Relaxed every day.

47:15🔗 Adam Every day, there you go. All right, guys, you can masturbate during the break. I like the idea is that guys masturbate, two women masturbating. That's why they wanna know, you masturbate, come on. All right, we gotta take ourselves a little break. Jenny McCarthy here tonight.

47:56🔗 Caller This hour brought to you in part by Axe. Experience the Axe Effect.

48:19🔗 Adam Right there, buddy. It's Loveline, madam. That's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1, Jenny McCarthy in studio tonight. Belly laughs, name of her new book, fairly new, and Alanis Morissette in studio tomorrow night. Now we're talking about masturbation, although I squeezed one off during the breaks.

48:44🔗 Jenny McCarthy I wonder how many did.

48:45🔗 Drew Well, that's what we close with, that irony about how, when girls think that somehow guys actually want to know whether they masturbate or not, or they just want to hear them say it.

48:53🔗 Adam They want to masturbate to them masturbating, and that's why the guy's going to come on, you know you do, you know you do it, you know. Because they're just going to go home and just picture going, well, one time when I was at camp, yeah, oh yeah.

49:10🔗 Jenny McCarthy And yet for a girl to hear a guy masturbating, it's like, hmm.

49:13🔗 Drew Oh, and I. Oh no, come on, it horrifies you to a soul.

49:17🔗 Jenny McCarthy Exactly.

49:17🔗 Drew It's not like, hey, it's like, oh my God.

49:20🔗 Adam They feel violated too when they realize you did it.

49:22🔗 Drew Just thinking about it.

49:22🔗 Adam You did it to them. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, they're unwilling partners. It's bizarre. Sexual fantasies. Yeah, yeah. And it's too late by the time to tell you. Completely. They're done. Yeah, God knows where they finished, too. You know, it's a disaster. It can get ugly.

49:40🔗 Drew I saw Chris run into the bathroom across the hall here. He dove in there.

49:43🔗 Adam Yeah, he did number two.

49:47🔗 Jenny McCarthy Number two.

49:49🔗 Drew He's very talented, though. He can do both.

49:50🔗 Adam Yeah, you can't talk about hemorrhoids in front of this kid without him masturbating. He's weird that way. All right, where were we? Masturbation. Okay, so when all is right in the world once a day.

50:03🔗 Drew How about Jenny McCarthy? Third trimester pregnancy.

50:06🔗 Jenny McCarthy Third trimester pregnancy, maybe two to three times a day.

50:09🔗 Adam Two to three?

50:10🔗 Drew That's what I'm holding back. Holding back.

50:13🔗 Adam Probably, yeah.

50:15🔗 Jenny McCarthy If I could just sit on a motorcycle for the last trimester. But at 200 pounds, that ain't pretty, a pregnant lady on a motorcycle. Having orgasms.

50:29🔗 Adam Yeah, and in two, okay, so two to three times a day. And then, okay, now let's figure out the Jenny McCarthy masturbation. But when I'm stressed, nothing.

50:38🔗 Drew It goes down to zero.

50:39🔗 Jenny McCarthy I can go a month without anything when I'm stressed out.

50:42🔗 Drew Okay, so this is the opposite of what our caller was saying, was that she used masturbation to regulate her feelings, so like a drug. And actually, what you're describing is normal when people feel anxious, their sexuality goes down. Their responsiveness goes down.

50:53🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yes, exactly.

50:54🔗 Adam I do it more when I'm anxious and relaxed.

50:59🔗 Drew Or anxious relaxed.

51:00🔗 Adam Oh yeah, yeah, don't get me going, Drew.

51:03🔗 Drew No, it's healthy, it's good.

51:04🔗 Adam Because if I'm anxious, relaxed, or anywhere in between those two, I masturbate, yeah.

51:08🔗 Drew But for males, it doesn't matter whether it could be nuclear or holocaust.

51:12🔗 Jenny McCarthy I notice that for my husband, yeah.

51:14🔗 Drew Why do you guys, a coupling, do so much masturbating to two of you? Not to get personal, but.

51:19🔗 Adam Why, what do you mean?

51:20🔗 Drew Shouldn't you be like, helping one another out with this?

51:23🔗 Adam Oh, Drew, it's a different, sex is good, it's not the real thing. It's a reasonable substitute when you can't get at yourself.

51:32🔗 Jenny McCarthy There's both going on when the week is good.

51:34🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah.

51:36🔗 Jenny McCarthy And then he also watches me.

51:39🔗 Adam Yeah, I could masturbate to that. I masturbate to your husband watching you. I'm just watching him. How do you know when he's all good? Well, I know what he's thinking. Drew, could you masturbate to me watching Jenny's husband watching her masturbate?

51:57🔗 Drew I'm afraid not, I'm sorry.

51:58🔗 Adam We could daisy chain it. We could do a hand cross.

52:01🔗 Drew Chris, you could do a touchdown dance over there.

52:04🔗 Adam Engineer Chris, you could one off to me watching Jenny's husband watching her.

52:09🔗 Drew I'm repulsed now, disgusted.

52:12🔗 Adam Let me tell you what he's thinking right now.

52:14🔗 Drew He's thinking about how hot she is.

52:17🔗 Adam Let me ask this. I don't know if this question has ever been posed. I'm gonna write the number down. Okay, all right, because guys are animals. We've talked about this many, many times. And for some reason, when you were talking about being depressed and whatever and it not making sense, guys will push right through that kind of stuff, whatever it is. What percentage of guys who historically throughout history who are on death row, who are going to the chair the following day or to the gallows, squeeze one off.

52:53🔗 Drew The day before.

52:53🔗 Adam That night, the day before.

52:55🔗 Drew My number, my number.

52:56🔗 Adam Now hold on, don't answer. And I don't know if that question's ever been posed, but I'm labeling it important.

53:02🔗 Drew Write your number down.

53:03🔗 Adam I want you quiet down. I'm gonna write my number down. Jenny's got her number, she's got to write down too. But let me just tell you, let me fill in some of the things here. Now, one argument is, is-

53:11🔗 Drew They're too anxious, so sad.

53:13🔗 Adam What a way you'd be in. Okay, that's one argument. The other is you ain't gonna never get a chance to get into your junk again. And number two, or number three argument, what about the last meal? I mean, you certainly could make the last meal argument that look, you should be vomiting.

53:26🔗 Drew That's just a metaphor. It's a metaphor for Zach's last meal.

53:31🔗 Adam This is the Holland days on the, okay. Is this a percentage?

53:35🔗 Drew Yeah, what percentage of men, males?

53:36🔗 Adam What percentage of men, not would or could, but have.

53:41🔗 Drew Yeah, did that.

53:42🔗 Adam Yeah, and let's not go back too far because there was a certain nobility back then.

53:46🔗 Drew There was a decency.

53:46🔗 Adam You wore nicer shoes than when it beat off. But hold on a second. You also gotta think of the mentality. You know, these are young guys.

53:56🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm thinking, I'm actually underdone a little bit.

53:58🔗 Adam Not much, not much education. Excess of testosterone. But the excess testosterone. You know, average guy, he's 29. He's got a lot of testosterone. That's why he killed the hooker in the first place.

54:15🔗 Drew This is the point.

54:15🔗 Adam But that's the point, you're gonna die.

54:17🔗 Drew This is like a male for a second.

54:18🔗 Jenny McCarthy God, that blows my mind.

54:22🔗 Drew What's the number?

54:23🔗 Adam Hold on, I gotta write it down.

54:24🔗 Drew How much of a blow do you mind if we come up with the same number? You ready?

54:31🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, let's see it. Are we all passing notes?

54:34🔗 Adam Drew wrote 70, I wrote 46, 30 for Jenny McCarthy.

54:39🔗 Drew I started 60% when I was 60.

54:40🔗 Adam You went up, maybe you're right. Maybe it is over half.

54:44🔗 Drew It's over half.

54:45🔗 Jenny McCarthy Would you guys really do that before?

54:48🔗 Adam Well, one of us would, according to our math.

54:53🔗 Jenny McCarthy I would just be thinking about my last meal.

54:55🔗 Drew Food is a metaphor for sex for males.

54:58🔗 Adam But if you could, here's all I'm saying. It's eight in the evening. I'm going to the gallows at noon tomorrow or first sun or whatever.

55:07🔗 Drew And there's a computer nearby.

55:08🔗 Adam Oh yeah, if you can get ahold of some porn. Yeah, if you got the internet, forget about it. By the way, three quarters of my don't kill me argument would be the at Don part. And just be like, holy Christ, I got one goddamn day. You tell me I got to get up at five a.m. to get shot. Come on, fellas, let's do it at noon. Please, I can't sleep in this one day. I'm going to be up. I'm going to be tossing and turning. I always get a bad night's sleep. Before I travel and before I get shot are always my two worst nights. And we got to do this at Don. I'm going to be out of it. I'm going to look horrible. I have like a half a boner. Three quarters of my argument would be trying to push the thing back to noon or two in the afternoon like a normal time. Let me get a cup of coffee. Read the paper. You know, get myself. I like to take a shower, like to put myself together. If they're going to be people, they're going to be witnesses. I don't want to be a mess.

56:04🔗 Jenny McCarthy I have reoccurring dreams that I'm on death row.

56:08🔗 Adam Oh, really?

56:08🔗 Jenny McCarthy I've had when I'm really stressed out.

56:10🔗 Adam I could masturbate to that. I could masturbate to that.

56:14🔗 Jenny McCarthy You can watch my husband masturbate to that.

56:16🔗 Adam Yeah, I can watch your husband. I can see you on death row with that bad warden and the bad guard. You know the guard, the one that's bad? He doesn't button his shirt all the way up. His button's down a few times walking in. How are you doing? You know how the game is played. That's the other one, too. The guy explains how he knows. I like that too. I always explain to people who just got there, you know how it works in here. So now I just got off the bus, you never really hear that. You play nice. He drags a stick, drags a night stick along the cheek.

56:49🔗 Jenny McCarthy I like that you're doing it to him right now.

56:51🔗 That's how I show what he's saying.

56:52🔗 Adam And he drags a stick real soft and then he goes.

56:54🔗 Drew You notice how he talks about masturbating to show us that, too? The word comes out of his mouth, he has to demonstrate.

56:59🔗 Jenny McCarthy And his ass blinking.

57:00🔗 Drew Oh, well, yeah. When he blinks, his ass blinks.

57:03🔗 Adam It'd be a shame if anything happened to that pretty face. You know, that's the other one, too. It talks about what could be bad and threatening.

57:09🔗 Drew That is the line.

57:10🔗 Adam Yeah. Listen, you're talking to the guy who watched Caged Heat and Concrete Jungle, all these good movies where there are lots of chicks behind bars. So, yeah, I could masturbate to your husband masturbating to that. All right. Drew, this is the greatest. I know we're done and we're moving on, but percentage of men who beat off the night before the chair.

57:34🔗 Drew Whatever the number is, does it not speak volumes about the male?

57:37🔗 Jenny McCarthy No, now I kind of almost get it.

57:39🔗 Drew Yeah.

57:40🔗 Jenny McCarthy Percentage.

57:41🔗 Drew Because it's a drive. And the other thing we don't get is males, why women would go through the whole pregnancy thing. Think of the drive you have to have a child. If a male went through a pregnancy, there would be no more children.

57:52🔗 Jenny McCarthy No, I know.

57:53🔗 Drew Because we don't have the drive for that.

57:55🔗 Jenny McCarthy No.

57:55🔗 Adam This is profound, Drew.

57:57🔗 Yeah, it is.

57:57🔗 Adam Very heavy.

57:58🔗 Drew Good calls.

57:59🔗 Brian?

58:00🔗 Yeah.

58:01🔗 Adam You're 18?

58:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:05🔗 Adam What's going on? The guard is always tanner than the other guards, too.

58:08🔗 Drew The bad guard?

58:09🔗 Adam Yeah, the bad guard. He's tanner. He doesn't button his shirt all the way up. He's got a chain, but he's not overdoing it.

58:15🔗 Drew Yeah. He's a little husky, too.

58:16🔗 Adam He's a little husky. He's got the sleeves rolled up. He's modified his guard outfit.

58:20🔗 Jenny McCarthy But that layer of sweat across his face, too.

58:23🔗 Drew He's shiny.

58:24🔗 Adam And he's letting you know that if you play along, things will be a lot easier for you in the joint. Brian, and by the way, you know what the rules are.

58:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:35🔗 Drew Hey, Brian.

58:36🔗 Adam Brian?

58:36🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:37🔗 Drew What's the deal?

58:39🔗 Caller Well, see, I have my girlfriend, she lives a little bit north of me in a kind of a rough neighborhood and just recently she got molested by what she claims to call four drunk Hispanic individuals.

58:57🔗 Drew That's a rape.

58:58🔗 Adam And the drunk Hispanic is redundant too, I mean.

59:04🔗 Caller And she does live in kind of a rough neighborhood and this isn't the first time this has happened.

59:13🔗 Adam Because she was sexually abused as a kid and now she's being re-victimized repeatedly. That's what that is.

59:22🔗 Drew And that's what causes that story.

59:25🔗 Caller Well, anyways, here's the thing.

59:28🔗 Adam Well, hold on. Are you, are you a virgin?

59:31🔗 Caller No.

59:32🔗 Adam You're not? What year were you born?

59:36🔗 Caller 86.

59:39🔗 Adam Kids math checks out. Jenny's going to kill herself because she already done a Playboy spread by 86. Wrote a book about being a Playboy. Brian?

59:51🔗 Caller Yeah. All right.

59:53🔗 Adam You've had sex with her? All right. And you're 18 and she's 16.

59:59🔗 Caller Yes.

59:59🔗 Adam But she was abused as a young child.

1:00:02🔗 Caller Yeah. Her brother raped her when she was in middle school.

1:00:07🔗 Drew Strangely enough, the sexual abuse he qualifies as rape and the rape he puts as abuse.

1:00:13🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:00:14🔗 Drew It's abuse as a child.

1:00:15🔗 Adam Interesting.

1:00:16🔗 Caller The thing is, the Mexicans, they grabbed their breasts, but there was no, there was no genitouria touching them.

1:00:25🔗 Drew I see. So there was just unwanted aggressive sexual contact.

1:00:29🔗 Adam The breast men, the Mexicans. One thing we agree on.

1:00:34🔗 Drew So what's the question, Brian? What is the question?

1:00:39🔗 Caller She's going through all this stuff and basically she wants to move out and get out of that area.

1:00:45🔗 Drew That's not a bad idea.

1:00:47🔗 Caller That's a great area. Her family is thinking about moving up to Michigan.

1:00:52🔗 Drew Fantastic.

1:00:53🔗 Caller And the thing is she wants to live with me.

1:00:57🔗 Drew No, she needs to go with the family.

1:00:59🔗 Caller And...

1:01:03🔗 Adam Listen, Brian.

1:01:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:05🔗 Adam You're calling from Florida. Born and raised in Florida?

1:01:08🔗 Caller No, I was actually born in Salt Lake and then I was raised in Chicago.

1:01:13🔗 Drew Nobody born in Florida.

1:01:15🔗 Adam Raised in... I know, people flee to... Yeah, right.

1:01:17🔗 Drew They run...

1:01:18🔗 Adam It's like Nevada.

1:01:19🔗 Drew Did you flee with your family or did you flee by yourself, Brian?

1:01:22🔗 Caller I fled by myself.

1:01:23🔗 Drew Are you a Mormon?

1:01:25🔗 Caller No, I'm not a Mormon.

1:01:26🔗 Adam So you did... You solo-fleed?

1:01:31🔗 Caller My parents split up when I was about three years old. My dad moved down here and my mom stayed in Chicago.

1:01:38🔗 Adam Let me tell you what Florida is like. Florida is like a bug-zapper for people. It just sucks in. They see the light, all the horrible insects, the moths. They flock to it. The mosquitoes, they all see that. They're drawn into it. It's inexplicable. They can't help it. What is that? What goes on over there?

1:02:03🔗 Drew I don't know, but it certainly happens.

1:02:05🔗 Adam Yeah. Brian?

1:02:09🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:02:10🔗 Adam What are you doing over there in Florida, by the way?

1:02:13🔗 Caller I moved out of my house and I'm living basically on my own right now.

1:02:17🔗 Drew Let's see, let's reason this out for a second.

1:02:19🔗 Adam What are you doing for a living? Hold on a second.

1:02:22🔗 Caller What am I doing for a living? I'm getting a job actually right now working at a bike store full time.

1:02:30🔗 Adam Bike store?

1:02:32🔗 Drew Getting right now full time.

1:02:34🔗 Caller Getting right now I am unemployed.

1:02:40🔗 Adam All right, look, Brian, let me help you, buddy. Because you know I'm a genius, yes?

1:02:46🔗 Caller Yes.

1:02:47🔗 Adam And literally a millionaire. Literally. And you understand I use my genius to become a millionaire. And I can help you as well. All right? Sure. Here's what I need you to do. First off.

1:03:02🔗 Drew Goodbye, Chicago.

1:03:03🔗 Adam No, understand that you don't have all the answers and that your impulses are probably not great ideas at this stage.

1:03:13🔗 Drew So listen to a genius.

1:03:14🔗 Adam You're supposed to make bad decisions at 18. So all you got to do, you don't have to be smart enough to have your own good ideas. You only have to be smart enough to listen to my genius ideas. Do you understand? Then you'll be genius by proxy. Here's the thing. Get the job at the bike store. Do not piss off the manager. Fight to keep this job. Work as many hours as you can. Save as much money as you can. This girl? Trouble. I'm sorry for what's happened here in the past.

1:03:42🔗 Drew It's not going to be good for her to look to you to solve her problem.

1:03:45🔗 Adam A team of guys with tweed jackets and suede elbow patches could not fix this girl for ten years. Ten years. Yes, about ten years worth of work. Brian, you are going to knock her up. You guys are going to give birth to someone who will come out smoking a corn cob pipe. That white trash. The kid will actually have a corn cob pipe in its mouth when it comes out of you.

1:04:10🔗 Drew Let's talk about Florida for a second. Think about this in Florida. I was just occurring to me.

1:04:16🔗 Adam So hold on. Let her go to Michigan. This thing is over. Pulling out is not contraception. You must use birth control. Work as much as you can at the bike store. Learn as much as you can at the bike store. Thank you, Drew.

1:04:32🔗 Drew Go ahead. But think about Florida. It's the only part of the contiguous United States, the only part you can get in your car and drive to that is basically like the tropics. It's the only sort of, right?

1:04:43🔗 Adam Yeah, it's like going to a Banana Republic. It's like you're actually getting an Oldsmobile and driving to Cuba or Haiti.

1:04:53🔗 Drew In fact, that's the environment you're going to.

1:04:55🔗 Jenny McCarthy But why are the old people flocking there?

1:04:57🔗 Drew Just because they're tired of the winters. They just got to get out of the cold. But it's the 38-year-old father of two who's fleeing, getting in his car and fleeing. They want to go somewhere hot and tropical and power go down there. And the history of Florida is really violent. I mean, back to the real serious, the Indian Wars, the early Indian Wars and the Spanish Wars where it's all in Florida. Serious problems.

1:05:19🔗 Adam That's all you need to know. Every snake is poisonous.

1:05:22🔗 Drew In Florida. And every insect down there, too.

1:05:25🔗 Adam Horrible. Everything's, yeah.

1:05:26🔗 Drew And alligators.

1:05:27🔗 Adam We got roaches.

1:05:32🔗 Drew Carry you off.

1:05:32🔗 Adam Yeah, carry you off in the woods and rape you. I dated you to those. Yeah, Florida and roaches.

1:05:36🔗 Drew That was when you were 12.

1:05:37🔗 Adam Yeah, everything's huge. Everything's just brimming with venom. Everything's mean. There's gators everywhere. They love waffles. What else do you need to know? You gotta get out. Unless, and this is the other part of the Florida experience, you're like J.Lo or Stallone where you got some sort of mansion you take a boat to.

1:06:00🔗 Drew Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, the boat thing, too, is there. Boat. Boat's a little bit sort of white trash rich thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And think about Southern California. That's a desert. People come here, they come to the desert. And they just sit and they slow down. They bake. They don't get stirred up.

1:06:15🔗 Adam Yeah. No, they come here to die.

1:06:17🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:06:18🔗 Adam More like Indians when they go off somewhere.

1:06:20🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah.

1:06:21🔗 Adam That's it.

1:06:21🔗 Drew You can't speed up in this.

1:06:23🔗 Adam As a matter of fact, let's wrap the show up.

1:06:26🔗 Drew Let's go home.

1:06:28🔗 Adam I know we're 40 minutes short of a full show, but as I've said many times, we go a minute or two long almost every night.

1:06:34🔗 Drew We're due.

1:06:36🔗 Adam Oh, how many minutes have I banked? There you go. Fantastic. Alanis Moore is set tomorrow night, maybe we'll have her in for 2.20.

1:06:49🔗 Drew Actually, Jenny's got to go. Really? Sorry. But you can think about it.

1:06:53🔗 Adam Wait a minute. How does that work?

1:06:54🔗 Drew They came in here while you were wranglers. She's got to get up in the morning and do more stuff.

1:06:59🔗 Adam Drew, what time did you get up this morning?

1:07:01🔗 Drew 3.15.

1:07:01🔗 Adam 3.15. 3.15. Did you leave last night at 11.20 because you're going to have bags in your eyes?

1:07:09🔗 Jenny McCarthy Hey, you know what? If you think I'm really helping, I'll stay.

1:07:13🔗 Adam You got to stay one more break because, Drew.

1:07:15🔗 Drew Your poor Wrangler is going to be responsible for being horrible.

1:07:19🔗 Adam Producer Anne, for that matter, you got to tell me when the guest is going to leave at the end of the thing. No one told me. Right? Not that you couldn't, but. Unacceptable. I can ask. Unacceptable. Thank you. You stay one more break. Of course. Belly laughs, by the way. Name of the book.

1:07:35🔗 Drew Number 12.

1:07:36🔗 Adam Number 12. New York Times bestseller list. Drew, come on. Let's go. Let's get it down. Let's go now. Let's break it down. Let's get a hand in. Let's rally. Let's get this show going. Gentlemen. I use that term loosely. All right, ladies.

1:07:52🔗 All right.

1:07:54🔗 Adam Let's get a break. We don't got to go to break. We got to help the kids. We got Julie over here. She's been on hold for 107 minutes.

1:08:04🔗 Drew Real quick.

1:08:04🔗 Adam Julie? 14?

1:08:07🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:08:08🔗 Adam Well, you got a stupid question. You want to know if menthol cigarettes are worse than regular cigarettes?

1:08:13🔗 Drew No. They're all bad.

1:08:15🔗 Jenny McCarthy Is that the question?

1:08:16🔗 Caller Well, yeah. I know they're all bad. But see, I heard that and I'm just kind of curious.

1:08:21🔗 Drew That circulates around. I don't know that's been shown.

1:08:23🔗 Adam And by the way, instead of, you know, the smoking thing is always like, well, second hand smoke, first rate killer. Hey, look, you smoke one cigarette a day or a carton of cigarettes a day. It's just as bad. It's always bad. Light cigarettes, regular cigarettes. It doesn't matter. Just don't smoke. But here's the thing. Could somebody start doing some tests? I know they've done some unlike light cigarettes and things like that. Instead of just taking all the money and giving it to Rob Reiner to create propaganda saying that the 60,000 people die of second hand smoke. Could they actually do some stuff like, look, here's a cigarette that's lower and whatever or menthol cigarettes are worse or as it turns out, smoking five cigarettes a day is actually worse than smoking a pack because that's all I'm saying.

1:09:05🔗 Drew Yeah, that's actually worked out that people find with the lower tar, lower nicotine, all that stuff, people smoke more vigorously. They smoke more of those cigarettes. They literally, your brain adjusts to a certain dose of nicotine and you're going to get more of those cigarettes.

1:09:17🔗 Adam But again, but the problem, I think, is when people say, how about smoking a light cigarette? That doesn't matter because you're going to smoke more, but you're going to smoke more is not the answer.

1:09:31🔗 Drew And then the other thing is that the big threshold is 30 pack years. A pack a day for 30 years, you're going to get cancer, you're going to have heart disease and a story.

1:09:39🔗 Adam That's the 30 pack years.

1:09:41🔗 Drew Yeah. That's the one where you're in trouble. Yeah.

1:09:43🔗 Adam And they measure, so you're doing two packs a day for 15 years, you do the math.

1:09:49🔗 Drew You're in trouble. Now, it doesn't mean you couldn't get something earlier. You sure could.

1:09:52🔗 Jenny McCarthy What about a pack a day for 15 years, like I did?

1:09:55🔗 Drew You're, you know, you ought to be, you're a female and you're young. And so it's sort of a little different. You will talk about there. It's debatable.

1:10:02🔗 Adam True. I'll check you. And I'll master it.

1:10:04🔗 Drew It makes your ears, it makes your ears sort of ring more when you're.

1:10:08🔗 Jenny McCarthy Oh, great.

1:10:09🔗 Drew I was just complaining about something for the show.

1:10:11🔗 Adam Inside. Jenny McCarthy here. One more break with the Jenster and we'll be back after this. Drew, how much money do guys spend trying to get chicks? Condoms, hair plugs. All they need is a max deodorant body spray and a billion dollars. Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam. Phone number 1-800-L-O-V-E-1-9-1-- Jenny McCarthy in here tonight. Lannis Morissette in here tomorrow night. This is Jenny's last break with us, but she's been a trooper.

1:11:06🔗 Jenny McCarthy I wanna come back if you'll help me. But I won't have anything to plug, because I just have to sit here and talk.

1:11:11🔗 Adam Well, you could do that. We kind of appreciate that, actually. Yeah?

1:11:17🔗 Jenny McCarthy Just come here and sit and shoot the crack?

1:11:20🔗 Adam Yeah, it's like if a hooker didn't charge you. It'd be like, wow, she must have feelings for me. You know what I mean?

1:11:26🔗 Jenny McCarthy I do, I had fun. It's kind of nice.

1:11:28🔗 Adam Well, not just a couple of Johns.

1:11:30🔗 Jenny McCarthy And I could look like this and you guys don't care.

1:11:32🔗 Adam Oh, you look great. What are you talking about? You don't need anything. My bags. You're perfect. Yeah, yeah, we're not like these other crappy radio shows. We're a good time. Yeah.

1:11:43🔗 Jenny McCarthy It's not the morning wacky zoo that I've been doing every morning.

1:11:47🔗 Drew We basically hate what would be conventional radio.

1:11:51🔗 Adam Yeah, or good. Some people call it good radio. Yeah, but either way, we're opposed to it. Yeah, let me say this. While I was taking a leak, I had a couple of thoughts. One is they're running a PSA for dogs, clean up your dog's poo. To me, you've just run out of PSA. It's like, now we're done. You've covered laptop computer theft at the airport.

1:12:18🔗 Drew Health risks of bat guano or something.

1:12:20🔗 Adam Yeah, begging you to clean up your dog ass. But here's the thing, and I was thinking about this while I was taking the leak. People, especially guys, were the guys I hang out with, 30-something-year-old smart asses. They don't like cats. There's no cat guys. No one's gonna hold. And they wouldn't admit it if they were. But no, guys don't go, oh, I love a kitty cat. Let me tell you something about cats. They bury their ass. They should get way more credit for that than they do. You know what I mean? Like, here's the thing.

1:12:49🔗 Drew They hide it and bury it.

1:12:50🔗 Adam They hide their crap, and they take it outside, they dig a hole, they take a dump, and then they put dirt over it.

1:12:58🔗 Drew Dogs make like they're doing that, and just spray them with the grass behind them.

1:13:03🔗 Adam Dogs leave, first off, the dog, the Duke dog size ratio is way off, because a big dog is 85 pounds, I'm 200 pounds, same Duke. So that's an F-U right there. That's a slap in the face. I mean, don't tell me that's not intentional. That's an attack.

1:13:24🔗 Drew That's an attack. That's an attack.

1:13:26🔗 Adam That's an attack. I can pre-perceive there's no other way that a full frontal attack. So first off, the Duke is one third the size of the dog. I mean, I swear to God, there's like 18 pound dogs that drop six pound logs. You know what I mean?

1:13:44🔗 Drew We've got medium sized dogs. I'm out there with a shovel.

1:13:47🔗 Adam Full size Duke.

1:13:47🔗 Drew Three times a week.

1:13:48🔗 Adam It's your kids outweigh the dogs by three times, right?

1:13:51🔗 Drew Yes.

1:13:52🔗 Adam Not nearly that size. And Drew's done, he's weighed them. He's done the water displacement tests. Absolutely. He's done all the math, all the math on it. Okay, so huge Dukes and they leave it right in the middle of the patio or the carpet or the kitchen floor, right?

1:14:06🔗 Drew And kick grass back on it.

1:14:07🔗 Adam And kick grass off. Or scrape some carpet fibers or something. What's a cat do? Cat, with dignity, quiet dignity, lets himself out of the home, goes out in the yard, somewhere, by the way, not right in the patio, not right in the grass, he's taking it out.

1:14:24🔗 Jenny McCarthy Cats, I thought they just go in the litter box.

1:14:25🔗 Adam Diggs, well-

1:14:26🔗 Drew Sometimes they do that too. Wherever it is, the litter box gotta be covered, gotta be private.

1:14:29🔗 Adam Yeah, here's the thing. An outside cat will do it outside. And if the cat does it in the litter box, usually because that's the alternative to going outside. But dig a hole, take a duke and bury it. Shouldn't they get some credit for that? Like if I was an advocate for cats, like a publicist for cats, that's all I'd be screaming about.

1:14:52🔗 Drew You know where it goes south? It goes south, if you live with a cat, you never live with a cat, I can tell.

1:14:56🔗 Adam Yeah, I have lived with a cat.

1:14:57🔗 Drew Okay, well, eventually you get the bad seed. The bad seed starts spraying its pee everywhere.

1:15:01🔗 Spraying everywhere.

1:15:03🔗 Adam Yeah, well, they start- Well, look, but they're bad seeds in all pet worlds. Well, they seem to have what? They're bad rabbits, they're bad ducks. They're bad Ronald. There's bad everything. You can't just go bad seed. My cat Norman jumped out, would go out the house, dig a hole, take a crap, come back in the house like nothing happened. And I'm just saying, what other pet does that? There are no other pet is bearing their due. And I'm just saying, give the cat their props.

1:15:32🔗 Jenny McCarthy You're a cat guy.

1:15:33🔗 Adam Yeah, I like cats. But let me tell you something.

1:15:37🔗 Drew Do you have house plants?

1:15:37🔗 Adam If you had a dog that let itself out, dug a hole, took a dump and buried it, you'd be breeding that thing and it'd be a million bucks a load.

1:15:48🔗 Drew Animal plant.

1:15:49🔗 Adam You'd be going insane. This is dogs, a baggie, that dog's sperm would be worth millions of dollars, right? And people would be holding the dog up like, huh, like the Lion King. They'd be like, huh. They'd be going crazy, right?

1:16:03🔗 Drew Cat does it?

1:16:04🔗 Adam Nothing.

1:16:05🔗 Drew No credit.

1:16:05🔗 Adam Let's just say, give the cat the props for burying the Duke, that's all. Thinking about it, they get nothing. No one brings it in. No one weaves it into the conversation. I don't like cats, don't care for them. We're such horrible, humans are so horrible and we're so insecure that if the pet doesn't run home and act glad to see us, even if it just wants to get food off us, like a dog, if they just, you know, if it does what it's really thinking, like, yeah, all right, you're home. What do you want to do, throw a parade? You'll be home this time tomorrow and the next day, too. What do you want? I'm taking a nap here. We can't handle it. It's like, I don't like him. He doesn't like me enough. He buries the Duke! Give him the props!

1:16:42🔗 Drew Show of gratitude.

1:16:43🔗 Adam Please. That's a much greater show of gratitude than maybe he's got a liver snap on him or go rub on him. Yes?

1:16:50🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, I'm with you.

1:16:51🔗 Adam All right. These are people so insecure.

1:16:57🔗 Jenny McCarthy All right.

1:16:57🔗 Adam Daniel?

1:16:58🔗 Caller Hi, how's it going? Good.

1:17:01🔗 Adam 22, yeah.

1:17:04🔗 Caller Hi. I read on your book. Hi, Drew. I'm having problems with my ex-girlfriend. We got back together. I don't know if you'll remember my call from like a year ago.

1:17:15🔗 Drew Of course, of course. Daniel, it's Daniel, Adam.

1:17:19🔗 Adam We don't talk to many 22 year olds.

1:17:21🔗 Drew Name Daniel.

1:17:23🔗 Caller Okay, so like she like doesn't want to get any therapy with me. Like I think we can save our relationship, but she's like just playing ignorant and like doesn't want to like work it out.

1:17:38🔗 Adam Here's the point. If you're saying to a chick, look, the relationship's in trouble. I think we should go to therapy together. And she's saying, eh, I don't think so.

1:17:49🔗 Drew And you're not married to that girl. It's an ex-girlfriend you're kind of back with. That is, uh, uh-uh.

1:17:57🔗 Jenny McCarthy That's her way of saying, bye-bye.

1:18:00🔗 Drew Not only is it bye-bye, it's like, Daniel, you're kind of scaring me. Go ahead and make that therapist appointment, but make it for yourself.

1:18:05🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, she's out, Jenny, right?

1:18:09🔗 Jenny McCarthy She's out.

1:18:10🔗 Adam She's out.

1:18:10🔗 Jenny McCarthy That's a nice way of saying.

1:18:12🔗 Drew 100% agreement.

1:18:12🔗 Adam A chick who's into a relationship is into the therapy too.

1:18:16🔗 Drew Yeah, into whatever.

1:18:17🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah.

1:18:18🔗 Adam Into what? What, is that the F word? No, heck yeah. I'm saying, why wasn't it the F word? We're in safe harbor.

1:18:27🔗 Caller Okay, but I mean, like, okay, but she's trying to have her cake and eat it too. I mean, she's into the casual sex, I'm not. And like, this is what's frustrating me.

1:18:36🔗 Adam What do you mean, casual sex with you?

1:18:39🔗 Caller No, no, we were, this is my high school sweetheart. And now she's having casual sex, and she's the only person I've ever been with.

1:18:48🔗 Adam Hold on, this could be bogus, and I just got the bogus. I guess I was kinda asking for it.

1:18:54🔗 Drew Here's the deal, Daniel's got stuff going on. She is completely out, completely, completely, completely, and he is clinging like crazy to the point where he's probably, she's probably scared that if she really lets him know how out she is, he'll kill himself.

1:19:10🔗 Adam He's progressive.

1:19:11🔗 Jenny McCarthy If at 22, a boy said to me, let's go see a therapist.

1:19:16🔗 Drew You'd just leave the state.

1:19:18🔗 Jenny McCarthy I would.

1:19:19🔗 Drew Yeah, that's stalking basically.

1:19:21🔗 Jenny McCarthy I would, after I said no, that's pretty much the end of it, unfortunately.

1:19:27🔗 Drew Yeah, it's how it's supposed to go. This was his childhood sweetheart.

1:19:34🔗 Adam Daniel's angry too.

1:19:36🔗 Jenny McCarthy Well, I mean, I can understand. If it is his childhood sweetheart, it's gotta hurt.

1:19:39🔗 Drew It's hard to break, but that is supposed to end, late teens, early 20s for sure. And here's 2010, she's out. It's not like she's saying, Amanda, why isn't this working? We gotta figure out a way. No, she's like done. She's not having casual sex. She's going on with her life as a normal young adult.

1:19:57🔗 Adam Jenny said to have this conversation with Chris Hardwick many times, many an uncomfortable time. But dear friend, by the way, here's the thing. Yeah, you mean, and here's the thing about guys. Guys are thick. Guys are dense, you know? Like if you, you know, a 22 year old girl could say to a guy who was really head over heels for, look, it's not you, it's me. I just need time to find myself, blah, blah, blah. He just said, he'd go home and tell his buddies, she needs a week to get it together.

1:20:28🔗 Drew He'd go, okay, whatever you need, whatever you need. That's fine. Okay, you take your time. Well, I'll be here. And he'll be there with an abacus counting the minutes.

1:20:35🔗 Adam Yeah. I need to find myself, I need time for me, I need a whatever. Now just tell him you need to break up with him. Do the guy's favor.

1:20:42🔗 Drew And then stop communicating with him. Stop the communication. Every time you have contact with him. I wish we were talking to Daniel's girlfriend.

1:20:49🔗 Jenny McCarthy That's why she is kind of the best girl in the world.

1:20:52🔗 Adam Just because it's a...

1:20:53🔗 Drew Oh, you mean she's an evil person.

1:20:55🔗 Jenny McCarthy No, I don't think she's evil, but I think that she, because it's a high school sweetheart, that she still has 1% of kind of wanting that friendship still, but wants to have casual sex. So she doesn't want to completely let go, but doesn't want to really be in a relationship.

1:21:09🔗 Drew That's evil. Let's live in it at their worst.

1:21:10🔗 Adam Let me talk to the angry Daniel one more time. Yes, Daniel, if you use, listen, A-hole, use any profanity, I'll hang up on your scrawny ass. All right, now listen, I'm trying to help. Please understand.

1:21:28🔗 Drew Go ahead. That's not the same guy that's bogus. That's not the same guy that was.

1:21:33🔗 Caller Okay, I'm still marriage material for her. Like everybody she's having casual sex with, like they've got nothing on me, and that's why she wants me more than these other guys.

1:21:45🔗 Adam Tell that to her snatch, huh? Okay, listen, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, please. I don't have anything. Oh my God. Safe harbor. Safe harbor, safe harbor, safe harbor. I love you guys. Yeah, see, we ain't throwing those crappy morning shows. We use all sorts of horrible language. We get cheap bluffs. It's great.

1:22:07🔗 Jenny McCarthy Got a blonde sitting across from me.

1:22:09🔗 Adam Here's a, here's a Daniel, this is a recipe for disaster. I mean, Daniel could do something stupid.

1:22:15🔗 Drew You know, it's weird. She never did our TV show. Jenny.

1:22:18🔗 Adam Really?

1:22:19🔗 Drew That's right. That's weird that we were on the same, that's MTV. That's MTV. That's the genius of MTV.

1:22:24🔗 Adam Swap chat.

1:22:25🔗 Drew Go ahead.

1:22:27🔗 Adam Daniel could do something stupid to her and do something stupid to himself. At some point down the road.

1:22:32🔗 Drew Yeah, that's what's concerning me. This is that kind of energy.

1:22:35🔗 Adam Yeah, so Daniel, give it up. Let her go.

1:22:38🔗 Drew Go see the therapist. Something is made it impossible for Daniel to let go. Once he's on, he's on and then can't flexibly let go. That's not normal.

1:22:48🔗 Adam Listen, if you're screwed up enough and the chick gives you a little booster shot every once in a while, it can go on for eternity.

1:22:56🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yes.

1:22:57🔗 Adam If you got a combo between her coming, her paying you a visit, just enough and whatever. For some guys, it could be once a year. For some guys, it could be once a week. Whatever that threshold is, if you're effed up enough and she stays within that schedule, you can push these things on for years and years and years.

1:23:16🔗 Jenny McCarthy So true, and girls are so good at doing that.

1:23:18🔗 Drew That's evil, that is evil.

1:23:20🔗 Jenny McCarthy I know.

1:23:20🔗 Adam That is actually, it's cruel.

1:23:22🔗 Drew Yes, cruel.

1:23:23🔗 Adam It's being cruel because you know he wants to believe so badly. And yes, you get that thing where you do that idealized thing where the first person I slept with is the person, we're gonna be friends for life.

1:23:35🔗 Drew The time we spent together, the life we created.

1:23:38🔗 Adam Women get weird too about losing their virginity. Like I said, the day they stop talking to the guy, they lost their virginity too, they become whores. So I gotta keep them around.

1:23:48🔗 Jenny McCarthy But then you wanna come back because you wanna regain that old feeling. And then you realize you don't wanna leave with that person. So you leave again. Cause I dated some guy, my first high school sweetheart for five years.

1:23:59🔗 Drew Oh, I did the same thing.

1:24:00🔗 Adam Drew did the same thing. Was it dude? Probably same dude. Imagine that, he's got that on his resume. Talk about range. That's true and Jenny McCarthy, wow. Yeah, five years and it ended now. And then you got too big. You got a little, you blew up.

1:24:21🔗 Jenny McCarthy No, I left college.

1:24:22🔗 Adam Left college?

1:24:23🔗 Jenny McCarthy And decided Southern Illinois University. And.

1:24:27🔗 Drew The DeKalb in Northern Illinois.

1:24:28🔗 Adam Beautiful country.

1:24:29🔗 Jenny McCarthy Southern was very big party.

1:24:31🔗 Drew Yeah, but I invented the barbed wire and had some Crawford and things like that.

1:24:35🔗 Jenny McCarthy But I broke up with him at White Castle.

1:24:37🔗 Adam Oh really?

1:24:38🔗 Drew Oh, that's class.

1:24:38🔗 Jenny McCarthy After five years and I never saw him again.

1:24:40🔗 Adam Really?

1:24:41🔗 Drew Oh, that's good.

1:24:41🔗 Adam Never saw him again. Oh, cause he killed himself that night.

1:24:44🔗 Jenny McCarthy Well, we had a year in between of like, this is getting rocky, I started sleeping with people, he did too, but we were together for so long, we were confused because we still kind of cared about each other, but we wanted to be with other people.

1:24:56🔗 Adam Here's the operative phrase, Sears, he did too. Yeah, yeah. It means he was good looking, he had a life, he was a reason, he was with someone like you, he had something going on. See, when you have nothing, then you get real clingy. Drew. Oh yes, Drew. That's why you're clinging to him.

1:25:13🔗 Drew Oh yes, to him, yes.

1:25:16🔗 Adam Jenny McCarthy, everybody. Belly laughs, name of the book. Jenny, come back any time. You don't need a thing to plug.

1:25:24🔗 Jenny McCarthy Good.

1:25:24🔗 Adam Come back, you hang out.

1:25:26🔗 Drew All right, with Alanis?

1:25:27🔗 Adam No, they don't get one.

1:25:29🔗 Jenny McCarthy Yeah, we do.

1:25:29🔗 Adam Oh, okay, that meant no. We'll take a quick break. We'll be right back.

1:25:36🔗 Caller Loveline, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:25:56🔗 Adam Loveline. Adam, that's Dr. Drew. I'm in love with that Jenny McCarthy. What a gal. Came in here, canned it, Drew.

1:26:06🔗 Drew Mm, rolled with the punches.

1:26:08🔗 Adam Rolled with the punches, spoke her mind. Wrote a good book, Drew's enjoying her book.

1:26:13🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:26:15🔗 Adam It's times like this, I wish, I wish I hadn't taken an oath not to read.

1:26:22🔗 Drew Get this to your wife and you may avoid having children.

1:26:26🔗 Adam Where am I gonna get this book?

1:26:27🔗 Drew You're holding it in your hand.

1:26:29🔗 Adam Oh, okay.

1:26:30🔗 Drew I see. Where am I gonna get this, Chris? This one, this book here. Where shall I get this to give to my wife?

1:26:36🔗 Adam Where can I get this book? Amazon?

1:26:38🔗 Drew It's the place called-

1:26:39🔗 Adam Barnes and Noble?

1:26:40🔗 Drew The library, maybe? No, it won't be the library, it'll be the bookstore.

1:26:43🔗 Adam Hold on, what was that word?

1:26:44🔗 Drew Library.

1:26:45🔗 Adam And that's the house that holds the books. It's big though, right?

1:26:50🔗 Drew Big house holds the books. And-

1:26:51🔗 Adam And where is it?

1:26:52🔗 Drew And in your dad's day, records.

1:26:54🔗 Adam Where is it? What state?

1:26:57🔗 Drew Each city has one, or a few. Yeah, house for books.

1:27:02🔗 Adam So every state has one of these libraries?

1:27:07🔗 Drew Yes, yes.

1:27:09🔗 Adam Every state has, like, where's California's?

1:27:12🔗 Drew Well, it's in each city in California has one. Can you imagine that?

1:27:15🔗 Adam Why do we need, what?

1:27:17🔗 Drew It's shocking, I know.

1:27:19🔗 Adam Well, I mean, it's just confusing. But wouldn't it just be in Sacramento?

1:27:22🔗 Drew Yeah, I'm sure there's one there, too.

1:27:24🔗 Adam They got their own?

1:27:25🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:27:26🔗 Adam So we could go, if you want to borrow a book, I don't know why you would, you'd have to head out to Sacramento.

1:27:31🔗 Drew Not everyone takes an oath not to read. And for those of them not taking an oath, and you don't want to buy a book, you're gonna borrow.

1:27:39🔗 Adam And like colleges would go out to Sacramento and borrow their books?

1:27:43🔗 Drew It's hard to understand why they have libraries anymore when we have something called the internet. But yes, they do have them.

1:27:48🔗 Adam And it's a big house again. And for those who want to read, they could go borrow a book and then read it and then give it back. Do you have to read it?

1:28:00🔗 Drew No, it's like I said, some people do take an oath. And they can still check them out. They wouldn't have to read. No, the librarian wouldn't know. She'd be impressed if you just checked the books out. And you've seen this in pornography. It's always a very, very good looking woman with brown hair and kind of small glasses.

1:28:14🔗 Adam Oh, okay, I'm gonna check out, can't you go? One more time, what's it called? Library. It doesn't have the word book in it though. That's, you know what I'm saying? Like if I'm selling falafel, I got the word falafel, you know, falafel hut, you know what I mean? I'm gonna call it library, you know what I mean? I want the name.

1:28:33🔗 Drew It's a Latin derivative.

1:28:34🔗 Caller It's kind of confusing.

1:28:35🔗 Drew Libris.

1:28:38🔗 Adam What sign?

1:28:39🔗 Caller No.

1:28:39🔗 Adam All right, let's get to the phones. Yes, Drew?

1:28:41🔗 Drew Yes.

1:28:42🔗 Adam Let me tell you something. I'm not necessarily proud of, but it's a God's honest. I noticed it when I was going number one. I had a little- Sargas. A little scent of the sack. Oh. A little essence. And then I realized I have not taken a shower on American soil. Oh.

1:29:02🔗 Drew That is-

1:29:04🔗 Adam Last shower I took was in Paris.

1:29:06🔗 Drew That is disgusting. So you've-

1:29:09🔗 Adam For some cultures, yes.

1:29:11🔗 Drew You know what? Remember those dreams you used to have about like being a hun or being a knight in armor and stuff?

1:29:16🔗 Adam Having a year and a half.

1:29:18🔗 Drew I think that's when you still adopted some of those practices from your previous life.

1:29:22🔗 Adam I took-

1:29:22🔗 Drew Where you bathed once a month.

1:29:24🔗 Adam I took a shower in Paris.

1:29:27🔗 Drew That was Saturday?

1:29:28🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. A left Sunday.

1:29:31🔗 Drew Last Saturday.

1:29:31🔗 Adam Yeah. And-

1:29:33🔗 Drew And by the way, in Paris-

1:29:35🔗 Adam There's a time difference.

1:29:36🔗 Drew You're using one of those little dribbly hand devices too, right? It wasn't a high powered-

1:29:40🔗 Adam Biter monkey peed on me.

1:29:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:29:42🔗 Adam That's basically what I did. No, I took a regular shower.

1:29:46🔗 Drew Or then a real shower.

1:29:47🔗 Adam Took a real shower, took a real shower, but I was in, I was out of the country the last time I actually took a shower.

1:29:55🔗 Drew Well, the essence of scrotum can be, should be-

1:30:00🔗 Adam That'd be a good name for a book, to be one of those houses with the pie roofs and the things-

1:30:06🔗 Drew Well, it's actually, they're working on a new scent for Estee Lauder, essence of scrotum.

1:30:13🔗 Adam They, yeah. And I realized, yeah.

1:30:15🔗 Caller Scrotal essence, scrotal essence.

1:30:16🔗 Adam And then I realized the only, I only shower if I work out and I've been kind of sick and I haven't worked out. So, that's it.

1:30:23🔗 Drew Did your wife get over her sickness? She's all better, right?

1:30:25🔗 Adam I guess.

1:30:28🔗 Drew Seriously, she called me and I was worried about her.

1:30:29🔗 Adam I think she's fine now. Although she may get sick again when she smells my sack.

1:30:33🔗 Drew Scrotal essence.

1:30:35🔗 Adam Mark?

1:30:37🔗 Caller Yes.

1:30:37🔗 Adam I'm thinking about a shower tomorrow, even if I don't exercise.

1:30:40🔗 Drew Yeah, that'd be good.

1:30:44🔗 Caller But you're fine.

1:30:45🔗 Adam I've been, you know, but I'll tell you what I do. I've been dumping a little extra talc down there and give an extra shot.

1:30:49🔗 Drew So you're like paper mache casing around that stuff?

1:30:54🔗 Adam My sack's got like a Santa's beard of talc and a sweat just hanging off it like a lag type. Hi, Mark. What's up, buddy?

1:31:08🔗 Caller My question is for Dr. Drew.

1:31:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:31:11🔗 Caller Dr. Drew, my penis is curved downward.

1:31:14🔗 Caller I want to know why.

1:31:15🔗 Caller I've done like that my whole life.

1:31:17🔗 Drew It's your whole life. So there's two different ways that the penis can get curved. One is being born that way basically, and the other is it developing because of trauma. If it sort of develops later, vitamin E, 800 units a day can be useful. If it's just you, sort of genetically how you're endowed, you can live with it. But we have learned through talking to Dr. Alter, who does the procedures to correct this curve, that a lot of women complain that the curve downward is uncomfortable.

1:31:43🔗 Adam Yeah, that seems like a tough one. And Drew says that's the way it goes.

1:31:49🔗 Drew Yeah, it depends how you position things with your partner, but be that as it may, if you want to correct it there, curve doctors are correct these things.

1:31:56🔗 Adam But it's not common.

1:31:58🔗 Drew It's very common, yeah.

1:31:59🔗 Adam It is?

1:32:00🔗 Drew Yeah, it's rather common.

1:32:01🔗 Adam Well, hold on. The curving down is probably not as common as the, to the side. Curving upward.

1:32:07🔗 Drew Or the side, really. The upward curve is sort of normal.

1:32:10🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:32:13🔗 Drew Right, the some upward curve.

1:32:14🔗 Adam Yeah, I'd say a little upward curve is normal, and a little sideways is a little less normal, and then down is a, but some curvature, fairly common. And not me, though. I'm like a landing strip.

1:32:31🔗 Drew Dividing, right?

1:32:33🔗 Adam Very short landing strip.

1:32:34🔗 Drew A leveler or something.

1:32:35🔗 Adam Yeah, something like a landing strip that, you know, one of those jets that can do the vertical take-offs would use.

1:32:45🔗 Drew Right, right, right, a small landing strip.

1:32:47🔗 Adam Harrier, harrier landing strip. Yeah, like the kind of ones I have, more like a helipad. All right, let's take a little break. We'll be right back.

1:32:55🔗 Caller All right, guys, bottom line, here's the deal. Looking to hook up, sick of wasting time with the wrong person.

1:33:01🔗 Caller One call is all you need to make. Call the Dateline. The Dateline.

1:33:03🔗 Drew 877-889-DATE.

1:33:09🔗 Caller Loveline with Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew.

1:33:11🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:33:15🔗 Caller We'll be right back.

1:33:17🔗 Caller This hour brought to you by AXE. Experience the AXE Effect.

1:33:25🔗 Adam Well, that's the show, everybody. Belly laughs. Name of the book, Jenny McCarthy. Dear, dear, dear friend. God bless her for coming in here. Speaking openly about masturbation. Good book. Someone who's not going to speak openly about masturbation tomorrow night, Alanis Morissette.

1:33:40🔗 Drew Interestingly.

1:33:40🔗 Adam But still will be a compelling guest.

1:33:42🔗 Drew No doubt.

1:33:42🔗 Adam I guarantee you that.

1:33:43🔗 Drew No doubt.

1:33:44🔗 Adam Although it will take a skillful and crafty interviewer to get that out of her.

1:33:49🔗 Drew And so it won't happen tomorrow night.

1:33:51🔗 Adam No, no.

1:33:51🔗 Caller Yeah, right.

1:33:51🔗 Adam No, I'm not dick at it.

1:33:52🔗 Drew No, yeah.

1:33:54🔗 Adam So until next time, it's Adam Carolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo.

1:33:59🔗 Caller Good night.

1:34:03🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Ingold. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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