1:02🔗
Voiceover
Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, Coast to Coast.
1:14🔗
Voiceover
Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla, that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, Board Certified Physician, Addiction Medicine Specialist. Kelly Monaco is our guest tonight. Kelly is on the cover of this month's FHM, one of this month's FHMs. She's also in the Soap Opera, Soap Opera Port Charles, which is out here in LA. It's on a 10.30?
1:49🔗
Adam
Oh, sorry, 11.30 and 12.30 on the East Coast. And in between, you can just figure it out, right? It's always on.
2:07🔗
Adam
Because that's one of the few sort of weekdays you have off. And it's a weekday you have off where scheduling is about normal. You got like some kind of Lucy marathon somewhere. But other than that, you flip on the TV at 10, 10, 30, 11 in the morning.
2:24🔗
Adam
And it's funny. It's right. You flip this on. And I was just sitting there going, hey, what is this? Who are these people? Wow.
2:35🔗
Adam
Even the old people look good. I wonder what they're up to. And then some guy comes in. You know, you know, people say you should watch soaps every day to figure out the plot. I say watch like once every five years. It makes it better. You can still figure out what's going on and who the who the greasy guy is.
3:00🔗
Drew
That godforsaken passions where you where people are casting spells on each other and visiting the del. Have you seen that thing?
3:07🔗
Adam
I was introduced about a year and a half ago to the kid who played like a doll that came to life. And in real life, he was like a midget or something. He was a dwarf man child. And they're going, yeah, that guy's, he's a doll who came to life. And I was like, what? What? Yeah. Are they are they dropping acid? What's going on with this? Well, not on poor Charles, right? That's great ahead. Stab him in the back and have sex with your best friend's beau, right? Right. There you go.
3:36🔗
Kelly Monaco
Sort of. Poor Charles is going through what would, maybe if I were to describe it to you, you would think passions, but it's so not passions, of course.
3:50🔗
Of course we do.
3:54🔗
Kelly Monaco
What it's more directing to is a love story than actual vampires. And of course, that's what soaps are about, love stories. Triangles.
4:02🔗
Adam
Well, also, by the way, with Buffy and Elvira and what the hell is that Mexican chick on Fox who's a princess of the night who's doing a lot of rappelling and kicking ass. What's her name? Dark Angel. Yeah. The vampire thing has almost become acceptable. I mean, people don't go, oh, Faco.
5:03🔗
Drew
You put this idea in my head. Remember how you said they always release house seats at the last minute?
5:10🔗
Adam
Bunch of guys in the band. My idea that I put in your head is stay home, masturbate, wait to die.
5:28🔗
Adam
Do you realize those kids' years have squeezed more, living into their eight years than I've done in my 37 years?
5:42🔗
Adam
All right. So what are we doing? We're going to take some calls, right? Okay. How did this FHM thing work? That's what I wanted to know.
5:51🔗
Kelly Monaco
Well, they chose, I guess, four different women who are in daytime right now. And I got a call and my publicist called me and said, do you want to be on the cover of FHM to represent this soap industry? And I said, absolutely. It's a great magazine and I'd be honored to.
6:14🔗
Adam
Yeah. It's, it's, uh, Kelly's the brunette who happens to be on the cover. Now, Nikki is blonde and who else is, uh?
6:22🔗
Kelly Monaco
Um, I think Sharon Case is her name. She's from another soap and, uh, I think there's a Latin soap girl in there.
6:41🔗
A little bit, a little bit.
6:54🔗
Adam
Are they high? Guys aren't going to read that. Guys don't like to spend time trying to turn women on. Sue, or at least reading about it. Sue, you're 21.
7:07🔗
Caller
Okay, my boyfriend cleaned out his car today, and he found some old pictures of his ex-girlfriend. I just want to know if that means that he still likes her, if he still loves her.
7:21🔗
Adam
Yes, if you find any old pictures of someone you used to date, it means you're back in love.
7:37🔗
Drew
You mean you were getting in the car and all of a sudden, whoops, we found these things or he was cleaning it out?
7:51🔗
Caller
The ones that he just found? No. He said that he's going to wait till he gets warmer and he's going to burn them off.
8:01🔗
Adam
Yeah. Traditionally, I'll wait for a seasonal change before discarding pictures of old girlfriends. Because he doesn't have any matches and he wants to do it with a magnifying glass and the sun is not strong enough right now.
8:16🔗
Drew
I think it's the Book of the Devil that says you have to wait till a certain phase of time.
8:20🔗
Adam
He's got to beat off another couple thousand times to those pictures before he gets rid of them.
8:52🔗
Adam
I'm convinced animals have learned to speak and they're now calling the show. I really think that's what's happened here. That's the only solution I can come up with. This is a collie making a prank phone call. What is going on with people? She looks like me. All right, he likes brunettes or he likes blondes or whatever your cut is. That's what he likes. Very common. DREW Whatever. Very common. He found these old pictures fine, but why is she so distressed in the fact that he doesn't want to get rid of them now?
9:29🔗
Drew
Yeah, we think that's BS. But then again, he may be just screwing with her. I mean, it may be sport for him to get her going the way she leaps out of her skin at the slightest stimulus. Listen, so we don't know what he's thinking. You can ask him and it's fair to tell him, for him to be honest with you. It's fair for you to ask for how he feels about his old girlfriend, how he feels about you, where this relationship is going, whatever he tells you. You've got to believe it or not.
10:09🔗
Adam
Okay. Well, she's in Mexico. And by the way, we'll now refer to Mexico as hell, okay? We're no longer calling it Mexico.
10:27🔗
Adam
That's my plan for you and your uterus, all right? All right. There you go, baby. Everything's good. Don't get pregnant.
10:45🔗
One thing?
10:46🔗
Adam
One of the things is you can shift them really easily. Like I was looking at my nephew on Thanksgiving. He's two years old. He didn't want to leave. He was screaming, crying, like, I don't want to leave, I don't want to leave. And then somebody picked him up and started hanging him upside down. And then he started laughing hysterically within. It took him about two and a half seconds to make the transition from screaming and crying bloody murder to laughing hysterically. And I think we have that in a lot of our listeners, too. We can flip them, just pick them up and hang them from their ankles and they start laughing again.
11:21🔗
Adam
They're young at heart. And mentally. Cherisa? Yes. You're on Love Line with Kelly Monaco. She is currently on the cover of FHM. And in Port Charles. Cool, cool. The soap, not the city. But both, actually. Go ahead.
11:40🔗
Caller
Actually, before I ask you my question, I wanted to make a suggestion. That you have Aaron Lewis on as a guest.
12:05🔗
Adam
As a matter of fact, we'll just do it earlier and we'll do it too over the phone to you.
12:20🔗
Caller
And in the past six months, I haven't had any dramatic weight gain or weight loss. I haven't been particularly stressed out, like any more than usual. I don't know what's going on. I went to the doctor for it about a year ago, and they put me on progesterone, the pill.
12:50🔗
Drew
It's called a progesterone challenge. It helps them decide what's causing the period problem.
12:55🔗
Caller
Well, there was no follow-up care. They're just like, here, take this. Then I had my period, and then they're like, cool. Then I had my period one month after that, just like I would normally, and then I haven't had it since.
13:15🔗
Drew
Did they do a pelvic exam, look for ovarian cyst, endometriosis, any of those kinds of problems?
13:21🔗
Drew
There's a lot of things that can cause this. The most common thing is really just a dysfunction of the relationship between your brain, the pituitary, and the ovaries. The normal cycling is just sort of off. Do you have any psychiatric problems, an eating disorder, or anything of that sort?
13:55🔗
Drew
Well, listen, it's at this point kind of a mystery. The number one, two, and three reasons for this is pregnancy. So you got to get pregnancy ruled out. In six months, you would know whether or not you're pregnant, I would think. Then it's impossible for something to be diagnosed over the radio. You got to get back and continue the work up. It's probably nothing.
14:36🔗
Now, you're actually going to hear about it.
14:43🔗
Adam
Two sacks of cranberries, actually two nights in a row. Four sacks of cranberry. Good job. Oh, and let me tell you this Kelly, I made it.
14:52🔗
Adam
I brought it over to my dad's place. They, because their albino trash had that can of cranberry gelatin out there. Their actual shape of the can. As if, but, but it's always, it's lying on its side. As if somebody put a cranberry can. Now, they, they didn't even do that. It was just sitting out there with the serrated edge of the can.
15:18🔗
Adam
No, I didn't. You know why? Because I had my own cranberry sauce that I put right in front of me and was devoured, by the way. I, and, and spoke to David Alan Greer today.
15:30🔗
Adam
I saw Dag today and he told me, he heard the can opener fire up on Thanksgiving Eve when, where, where he was at.
15:39🔗
Drew
Wasn't he having a weird thing about going home with his girlfriend or not to resolve that?
15:45🔗
I like a girl with a big butt but fruit in the mint. It's juicy, it's sweet, because it's fruit and in the mint.
15:52🔗
Adam
And I was floating my fruit in the middle, my yogurt with not the fruit at the bottom, but fruit in the middle. So it stirred up a lot easier. I was kind of floating the idea, getting some feelers, some feedback. People are very impressed by this.
16:16🔗
Adam
I saw him today and I told him, you don't have to come in next time. We don't have to drop. Let's heal some babies. That's right. Melissa?
16:24🔗
Yeah?
16:28🔗
Caller
I was considering, like, I wanted to go on birth control and then like my boyfriend did a bunch of research and it said that it increases the risk of breast cancer.
16:42🔗
Drew
Why don't you look at where his research came from? Because you can get all kinds of stuff online to say just about anything you want. The current wisdom is that, no, that there is no added risk of breast cancer.
16:58🔗
Drew
Go on some reputable sites. Go on Hopkins or Stanford or somewhere where they can give you the current review. There is less ovarian cancer, less uterine cancer, less pelvic inflammatory disease. The prevailing wisdom is that there's a net health benefit, and there certainly is the benefit of avoiding the ultimate sexually transmitted disease, which is pregnancy, which has tons of consequences and fatalities associated with it.
17:41🔗
Drew
Maybe not use the ultimate, but I've certainly called it a sexually transmitted disease.
17:54🔗
Adam
No, but they don't say avoid. They use the word like cure or something even more ridiculous.
18:00🔗
Adam
Yes. The only sure way to prevent AIDS is abstinence. I like retarded adages like that. So yeah, you won't get anything. Go get that pill, baby.
18:11🔗
Caller
Okay. I was curious like, what's better to go on for like someone my age and everything? It's like between like Depo or the pill and like what type of pill or?
18:24🔗
Drew
Melissa, what you need, because it's very hard to predict ahead of time exactly what pill is going to be the best for you. You sort of start with one lowish dose estrogen, sort of a reasonable balance of estrogen progesterone. Sometimes people start with the triphasic pills. The important thing for you is that you need a doctor that you feel comfortable with. You're trying to do this on your own. You're not a physician. You shouldn't be making these decisions completely on your own. I wouldn't make this kind of choice for myself. I'd go to somebody I trust and have put in their hands. You can't be completely objective about your own care. Now you've educated yourself. Great. Now go get the care you need with some of your trust.
19:04🔗
Yeah.
19:07🔗
Caller
I've had an eating disorder for about six or eight years. I've been hospitalized three times and I just wanted to know, I've never had a boyfriend, I've never had a date, never had nothing. I wanted to know if my eating disorder was preventing that.
19:45🔗
Adam
Guys travel to the Philippines just to get hold of like 13-year-old junkie hooker chicks. That's not a turn off.
20:03🔗
Caller
I think I have, I guess like one of the things I read about people eating disorders is that they're afraid of their own sexuality and I think in some ways I really am scared of having a relationship but at the same time, you know, it just doesn't make me feel very good that no one wants to be with me.
20:17🔗
Drew
Well, Jennifer, I will tell you that through, I deal with people eating disorder pretty frequently and one of the common dynamics is a fear of intrusion, a fear that everybody is going to sort of, you could sort of push back real hard on people if they seem to be the slightest bit, intrusive is the best word I can think of. In other words, if they're not completely taking their lead from you, if they start to come at you in some ways with their own needs, you feel intruded upon and annihilated and you push back. Do you do that kind of thing?
20:48🔗
Adam
Well, how do these guys know you have an eating disorder? Do you heave on them? I'm serious. I like when people use that tone.
20:56🔗
Caller
No, I tried to hide it as much as I could, but it became pretty clear when I had to leave school and go to the hospital.
21:09🔗
Adam
All right, but what I'm saying is I'll bet that most guys who you know casually aren't aware of this.
21:19🔗
Drew
Yeah, you may not be picking up the cues that guys give you, too. You're obviously very preoccupied with your condition, which is a common part of that condition, and you may not be open to the kinds of dynamics that are needed to get something going.
21:32🔗
Adam
Well, let me float this notion, too. If you were to admit to yourself that somebody was attracted to you, it would hurt your eating disorder in the sense that you have this fantasy that you need to lose weight, or you need to be more slender, right? I mean, if you had a bunch, if you could accept people saying, hey, I'm attracted to you, I like the way you look, it wouldn't cause you to vomit. You wouldn't have to work on it.
22:22🔗
Drew
You're a lesbian. Jennifer, you know that part of the deal here is having a difficult time knowing who or what you are, right?
22:32🔗
Drew
So when you don't know who you are, it's even harder to know who you are in a relationship. So yeah.
22:40🔗
Drew
We're not trying to sell it to you. I'm just trying to get you to begin to explore and be open and be vulnerable and realize that figuring out who you are in a relationship is going to be a difficult thing for you, but you should start to do it.
22:56🔗
Adam
No, because she's 18. She's got some difficulties and she's working them through. So continue with your work and work them through, and then you'll get in a relationship magically when things get a little better. When you start healing, yeah.
23:13🔗
Adam
Yeah. Or, probably next time we go to the hospital, some guy will probably try to get at you.
23:38🔗
Drew
No, he was having surgery, so they made him a straw and put those cool gowns on. I'll have you know that I came to visit him. There was eight people standing around with him, creating a huge commotion about your underpants.
23:52🔗
Adam
First off, where's my goddamn dignity? What could get farther from my balls than my hand? Could anything, is there a part on my body that could get farther away from my balls than my arm? I'm spread out like Jesus. They have me taped down to this six-foot sandwich board because they don't want you moving your arm around. And your hand is spread out. It's not down by your side. It's straight out like Jesus on the cross. And we're gonna need them underpants. And I said, look, I'm gonna have my hand all wrapped up in a big cast. I know how these hospital gowns go. You tie them in the back so you can't get to them. I got one hand working. There's no way I'm gonna be able to tie this thing. I'm drugged up and my hairy ass is gonna be hanging out of this thing. How about I keep my underpants on? No. I said, look, why not? Give me a worst case scenario with the underpants on.
24:45🔗
Adam
Let's say something happens with the underpants. You're gonna have to get the jaws of life to get the pants off. Just slide them down.
24:51🔗
Drew
Little did they know they needed to contain that ecosystem, too. I mean, you unleash something to that, God knows what.
24:58🔗
Adam
Big echoes. Yeah. Listen, how dare you try to turn Kelly off to me, by the way. But look, give me a worst-case scenario with the underpants being on. That's what I told them.
25:14🔗
Adam
You can't. Look, when guys get in motorcycle accidents, are they nude? Are they just nude when they get in a motorcycle accident on the side of the freeway?
25:28🔗
Adam
Look, I'm wearing a nightgown. A drunken frat guy could get my underpants off and inside of six seconds, please. Stupid policies. Here's all I want. This is what I want.
25:40🔗
Adam
Everyone listen to me. In every facet of life, give me the chance. I will gladly sign the waiver that says I will take the chance of keeping my underpants on during the goddamn hand surgery. I'll sign it and I promise not to sue if my balls catch on fire or something happens during the procedure. I will not turn. Just put that in there for the normal human beings who aren't litigious. Why are we all effed? Do you know what I'm saying? Give me the opportunity. I'll sign it. Let me keep my underpants. All right. Kelly Monaco is our guest tonight.
26:13🔗
Adam
Oh, yeah. Port Charles. Yes. All right. Should we take a break? Everyone listen to me. All right. And then we'll be back.
26:20🔗
Hello.
26:21🔗
This is your radio. Love Line will be right back.
26:55🔗
What's up? This is Aaron from Stained, and you're listening to Loveline with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.
27:04🔗
Oh, yeah.
27:07🔗
Adam
Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Kelly Monaco is our guest tonight. You can find her every day on Port Charles.
27:19🔗
Kelly Monaco
My character's name is Livy Locke slash Reese slash Collins. I've had two mothers and a couple of fathers and a few different things. But Livy, Livy. Yes, that's my name.
28:02🔗
Kelly Monaco
Well, he was biting people during our last book. Our soap is run in books, which is 13 week cycles instead of three years of a storyline. We get it done in 13 weeks. So it's like you get a payoff every day. You do. It's only 13 weeks long.
28:30🔗
Adam
People make fun of soap opera actors because to them, it's the lowest rung on the acting ladder. To me, it sounds like the hardest form of acting. It's really hard. A, because bizarre, implausible plots that you have to sell.
28:49🔗
Adam
I would kill myself immediately. I've said to these people a thousand times, get a teleprompter.
28:54🔗
Kelly Monaco
A lot of people don't understand. There are no teleprompters. I know. We get one block, one rehearsal in a take, and we do every single day tons of work.
29:11🔗
Kelly Monaco
Yeah. I feel like I'm in college right now. I've got the holidays off. I go to school during the day and I study at night.
29:19🔗
Adam
In terms of cutting your teeth, as they say, you're getting in two weeks, you're getting more camera time than the average soap opera.
29:31🔗
I mean, the average sitcom star is getting a new season.
29:34🔗
Kelly Monaco
With the amount of dialogue we do a day, a typical script is 40 pages, and sometimes we'll do two or three shows in a day. And that's a movie. That's 100 and how, whatever, you can do the math. It's a lot of stuff, a lot of work. But it's fun, I like it.
30:01🔗
I do.
30:14🔗
Kelly Monaco
No, in Pennsylvania. This was in the Poconos. Yeah. And I went for a short amount of time. I finished a year and a half or something. I knew college wasn't what I wanted to do. I had studied theater my whole life, speech debate and drama, whatever.
30:58🔗
Adam
No, they weren't downstairs. I only wear stuff that's downstairs in my house. If I gotta go upstairs, deal breaker.
31:08🔗
Adam
Well, as I've said, I gotta come back down again. It's not like I go up and stay there. I gotta come back down, so it's twice. You live to work?
31:24🔗
Caller
I'm calling because I'm going to my doctor's in a couple of weeks to talk to her about my sex drive. And she's put me on two different birth controls to try to see if the hormone changing would help out. But I've only been married for six months and I'm kind of concerned.
31:46🔗
Drew
She did exactly the right thing because the Tri-Phasics are usually the ones that will get things kickstarted. But sometimes some people, they shut things down. So you could be one of those people. And then she needs to look at whether or not there's something else going on here, medically or psychologically.
32:01🔗
Caller
Yeah, last time I was in, she asked me if I was, she talked to me about depression. And I don't have any of the signs. And you know, I've been married for six months. Everything's going good. He's a great husband. And I like the idea of having sex is like totally there. But then when it comes time to do it, I'm just like, oh, I want to, but I just don't have like the urge.
32:26🔗
Drew
No, no, no, no, no. The usual questions. Come on. Anything we should know about, anything happened to you?
32:32🔗
Caller
No, no. My parents got divorced when I was like six. But I went through counseling. I have a great relationship with my dad.
32:48🔗
Adam
Well, here's the other thing too. Once you decide, once sex becomes an issue or gets a little weird, then you end up holding off on it without even knowing why you're doing it. And it just becomes something that you're thinking about. And then it gets uncomfortable. And then you don't want to do it. You want to avoid it because it feels weird. It becomes bigger than it than it was to begin with. It's sort of like, there's certain things that need to be tended to immediately. And if you let them go, they just become bigger. And before you know it.
33:24🔗
Adam
Right, right. And it didn't start off as that much. I think that happens with couples in sex. And in many issues, but sex, one of them.
33:32🔗
Drew
Well, it's interesting that she threw out twice. I've been married six months. Did this start the moment you got married?
33:37🔗
Caller
Um, actually, we, well, I thought it get better because we were, we've been dating for four years.
33:56🔗
Drew
I don't know. It's hard to know, Linda. Again, you deserve a thorough medical evaluation. I'm all in favor of looking at your affect, your mood, and look at your hormones.
34:04🔗
Adam
But I listen, I think I think you can kickstart yourself just like you do with working out. You just don't feel like doing it, but you get up, you get in your sweatpants and you go hit the road in about three quarters of a mile in your jog. You start to feel pretty good. And when you get home, you're glad you did it, even though you really didn't want to do it.
34:33🔗
Adam
I would say with most things that, I mean, there's a whole bunch of stuff in life that you don't feel like doing but that is kind of good for you or for your relationship or for your environment. And that's almost everything. And I don't know why this needs to be so different.
34:57🔗
Adam
But I'm not saying it is. I mean, just back to the workout analogy, which is the first couple of yards are kind of rough and lumpy. And you know you don't want to be there. But once you break a sweat and your joints start loosening up and you get that rocky theme going, which I suggest all people don't want to have sex. I mean, I'm an eye of the tiger. Eye of the tiger. Come on. No, so no, that one will work. Once you break that sweat and you kind of get moving and the juices get flowing, you do get into it. It's not like...
35:28🔗
Adam
Yeah, it's not like you went through your whole workout feeling stiff and mechanical and like you didn't want to do it. You break into it and that's just my point. It's sometimes just getting the sweat pants on and getting the movement that gets it going. Now, not if you're severely depressed or you don't want to be with your man.
35:52🔗
Adam
No. I think there's only resentments when the guy is pushing. When the guy is pushing for you. No, but that's not what I'm saying.
36:07🔗
Adam
I was going to say, don't say it on the air. Jesus Christ, Drew, is everything I say during the break I have to come out over the air?
36:14🔗
Adam
I'm saying if you're a woman or if you're a man, take it upon yourself and look, if you're severely depressed, don't do it. If you have some kind of chemical imbalance or something, or you just lost a loved one, or you're going through some post-traumatic stress disorder, or you just had a kid or something, fine, give yourself some time off. But if not, look at it as part of the relationship. Think about all the crap you do, all that junk you do. Every time you leave the house with your wife, you don't want to go.
36:51🔗
Adam
I've never been to a wedding with a woman. I've never been to her folks' house. I've never been to a holiday. I've never left the house with a woman where I wanted to leave with her, unless she was going to drop me off somewhere and then follow me back or pick me up or something. But you do it. You do it because it's good.
37:08🔗
Drew
You are going to make a great husband and father, Adam. It's going to be wonderful to watch that unfold.
37:20🔗
All right.
37:25🔗
Yeah.
37:30🔗
Caller
There's this girl that I've liked for like three months. And then I was getting the courage to ask her out. And then I found out her best friend liked me too. Yeah.
37:57🔗
Caller
I was going to, but then I got confused. One is a lot of fun, you know, like when I was with his friends. But the other one is a lot cuter.
38:14🔗
No, we're not.
38:27🔗
Adam
Choose the better looking one. I understand though, you didn't go out with the other one?
38:40🔗
Adam
Yeah. The ones that were ugly are either hot or uglier, but they rarely stay the same. That's my experience.
39:10🔗
Kelly Monaco
Yeah, they're all very beautiful. Everyone's very interesting in their own beautiful way.
39:41🔗
Adam
Or the one you think will go out with you. You think the one you like more is going to go out with you?
40:03🔗
Adam
I know to them it is, and we should be more sympathetic, but we have like junkies who are on the hole and stuff, right?
40:18🔗
It's so scary.
40:29🔗
Adam
All right. Let's take ourselves a little break. Kelly Monaco is our guest tonight from Port Charles, 1130 out here on the West Coast and 1230 on the East Coast. Also, on the cover of this month's FHM magazine. We will take ourselves a break and we'll be right back. Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Kelly Monaco is here tonight. She's on the cover of FHM, one of the bigger male magazines out there. And they always said that when the computers came around and everyone got online, that magazines and newspapers would just be yesterday's news, and seemed to be going stronger than ever, which is, I guess I'm happy about it. I don't know why.
41:51🔗
Adam
I just happened to like the fact that everyone said they were going under and they never did.
41:55🔗
Drew
I was reading a little editorial, I think it was on the New York Times about how September 11th was just put a nail in the coffin of that whole idea of the web and web businesses were going to change the world. I mean, it's just gone. Yeah. The heroes now are not the guys running web companies.
42:18🔗
Yeah.
42:19🔗
Caller
Yeah. Hi. Okay. Back in May, I was applying for a job as a computer technician for the local school board of education. And at the same time, I was thinking about joining the military. Oh, after a while, I didn't get a reply from the people about the computer job. So, I made a final decision to sign up in the military. Recently, I was speaking to one of the guys who was in charge of, you know, that job thing that I was applying for, and found out that the reason I never heard anything was because the letter, a resume was never sent in a certain envelope. So it got sent back to where I mailed it from. And they never heard anything.
43:04🔗
Caller
My question is, I was wondering if I should try to stay with the military or try for this job.
43:13🔗
Caller
Well, I signed into the delayed entry program, but I was told by my recruiter and everything that I do have the option to take a depth discharge.
43:25🔗
Caller
Well, it's a delayed entry program discharge and basically says that I joined, but then I changed my mind before I actually left.
43:40🔗
Drew
Get on your knees. Think about this, Adam. Let's say you were 24 now. Would you stay in construction or would you go into military? Let's even go back a little further. Would you stay in carpet cleaning or would you go into military?
43:52🔗
Adam
I'd go into military. Listen, everyone who doesn't go to college, all males who don't go right into, listen, anyone who goes into junior college, any male who goes into junior college, any non-Asian male who goes into junior college, needs to just go right into the army because who are you kidding? Here's what ends up happening. Here's the thing, if you're not going to college, if you're not going to a four-year university, especially as a male, that time from 18 to 24 completely wasted, or 18 to 22, those four years, completely wasted. I would love to get some data on this and the data wouldn't be compiled by the guys who didn't go because they're just a bunch of hashers. All you do in that time period is kick around, take a few classes at the junior college, smoke a ton of weed, drink a lot of beer, try to nail some chicks and work on your car. You do nothing and at the end of that four years, most people start finding a job and getting into a career or whatever. You do the military, first thing you get is medical and dental for life. For nothing. It's not like you're going into a career in Vietnam and freezing in a foxhole. You just go in and sign up. I know a few guys have done this. Medical, dental, for life. If you want to buy a house, they help you out with the loan and the low interest loan and all this stuff. You get all these benefits for essentially learning a skill for the four years you would have done zero with anyway. So all the guys who aren't going to a four-year university, just go join up.
45:37🔗
Adam
You will go to junior college, waste four years, you'll have no medical, no dental, and you would have learned nothing. This way, at least you get to travel a little, you get some benefits. Thank you very much.
45:48🔗
All right. What are we doing?
45:51🔗
Hey, how you guys doing? I have two quick, really easy questions.
45:55🔗
The first is, can you get aids from oral sex, either fallatio on a guy or girl?
46:01🔗
Drew
It has been proven being receptive from a guy. Where the guy does something in your mouth, yes, you can get it.
46:15🔗
Okay, the other question.
46:20🔗
Okay, so then I can't get it from her and she can't get it from me.
46:25🔗
One of us have A's. I'm just making...
46:28🔗
The other question is, I'm 17. Can I have sex with someone like 16? I live in California. Within three years, what is that law exactly? Can you define that? I don't know.
46:43🔗
Yeah.
46:53🔗
Well, I'm settling a bet with my friend, Stephen, like 50 bucks is totally right.
46:57🔗
Drew
Well, you know what, Ann, can we get that? Let's get it formally. We'll read it later for you over the air. I think it's 16 or above, it'd be within three years of age after 18.
47:12🔗
Adam
Kelly Monaco is our guest tonight, cover of FHM and also Port Charles. We will take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back.
48:21🔗
Adam
Hey everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. It's Dr. Drew, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Kelly Monaco is our guest tonight. She's on the cover of FHM, and that is this month. She's wearing kind of a lingerie bikini kind of.
49:10🔗
Adam
How dare you, Drew. You know I'm up to an A. But yeah, that's very, very beautiful. Very beautiful. Nice roses and everything. Very nice.
49:21🔗
Drew
Hey, the unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor under 18. Under 18, not more than three years older is still a misdemeanor.
49:44🔗
Adam
Which means is if there's a minor, okay, so let me give you a scenario. If there's a minor who's 14 and you're 16, it's a misdemeanor because you're having sex with someone who's a minor even though you're a minor. Right. But if the minor is 14 and you're like 17, well, that's three. Let's say you're 18. Felony. But even if you're 17 and they're 13, it's felony because that's more than three years.
50:28🔗
Drew
It kind of sounds like the friend had an inkling about the misdemeanor aspect to it. It's not totally legal.
50:38🔗
Caller
Hey, I am so nervous though. You guys are great. Adam, you are the funniest guy I know. Drew, you are very smart. I respect you so much. Thanks. I think I'm addicted to porn. I'm married and my wife is pregnant. Every night before I go to work, because that's where I look at the porn, I tell myself, I'm not going to.
51:08🔗
Adam
I stopped lying to myself with a stupid I'm not, because my pants are down before I go, I'm not, and then the pants are down. You can't think about it. Drew, you know the same with food. Kelly, I'm sure everyone's this way. You start thinking about, I'm not going to eat, I'm not going to eat, or I'm going to this, or I'm not going to that, and immediately you're doing it. You're doing it within 10 seconds.
51:42🔗
Adam
No. The best way not to do something is not to announce it. If soon as you announce, you're not going to do something, you're dead.
51:50🔗
Caller
You see, my wife, she is dead set against force. She doesn't know I'm doing this, obviously. Yeah, but in my religion.
52:02🔗
Caller
It's just supposedly if you lust after a woman in your heart, it's just as bad as cheating with her.
52:30🔗
Drew
I don't know. My concern with it is the material is so exploitative and there are people that are, I think, harmed by it, frankly.
52:38🔗
Adam
How, yeah, all the maids, those poor, poor maids have to come in and clean up. How often a day are you down with this?
52:53🔗
Caller
No, I'm getting it all the time. That's the problem. I get it right before I go to work and then get to work.
53:09🔗
Drew
No, but it's a little different. It's different than somebody who's trying to manage their drive at a time when their wife is ill or pregnant or something's going on, and he's not trying to dump that on her. He's trying to take care of himself. This is somebody that has a compulsive quality. Let me just ask, is there alcoholism in the family? Is there any alcoholism in your family system?
53:35🔗
Caller
I've been diagnosed with anxiety, but no, not really. Not now. I've taken care of that one. I saw a psychiatrist and...
53:50🔗
Drew
Okay, because hypersexuality can be part of bipolarity. You might want to have somebody just re-evaluate you, just to make sure you're not going down the wrong...
54:06🔗
Adam
Oh, listen, it's all just some crazy fairytale. It really is. It's all fairytale. I was listening. I was thinking about all these guys from the Taliban, just running and screaming about Allah and stuff. I was thinking, as I always do, and everyone tells you how God doesn't have a rhyme or a reason. Although, if you're listening, if you did do that once in a while, God, people tend to believe in you more. But I was thinking about these crazy Taliban guys surrendering and getting killed and stuff. And I thought, gee, I wonder where Allah is? Where's Allah? Where's Allah? Shouldn't he be saving your asses? What about Allah? What have we lost, two guys? How many of you have you lost? Where's Allah? Why isn't he saving you? I know he's got a plan, but hey, if you're going to step in, wouldn't this be the time? Right. Where's Allah? That's my question. Well, he's nowhere. He's with Buddha. He's with God. He's just in the Easter Bunny in Santa Claus. They're just floating around up in space, helping people get by because everyone's scared to die.
55:16🔗
Adam
They don't. They don't have to have it if they weren't such pussies. It's good for them. The Easter Bunny's good for kids. Should you believe it in your teens, in your 20s? Why don't you keep your kids going with the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus? It's good for them. It's good for them. They don't ask questions. It's good. It's good. It makes everything easy. Something happens, it's okay.
55:37🔗
Drew
Let's put it this way. It's good for humans to have an experience that transcends the self.
55:42🔗
Adam
But what about what happens with a lot of people is they get caught up into this and it becomes an excuse not to do the work of life?
55:52🔗
Adam
Okay. Well, there you go. But here's what I think. I think the Old Testament or the New Testament, whatever's got to be updated because there's no way they thought about DVD porn. There's no way those guys could have foreseen this coming. Do you see what I'm saying? It's easy not to lust after some chick who's wearing a skirt down to her ankles and a bonnet on her head, but now you got DVD porn and you're in a world of hurt. You know what I mean? The stakes have been raised. It's tough for a religious guy to maintain his virtue these days. He didn't know about the internet. He didn't know about the DVDs and VCRs. You know what I'm saying? The strip clubs. These laws were all laid out way before you could get any of this stuff.
56:35🔗
Thank you Jesus.
56:37🔗
Drew
We started this conversation last week as to whether or not the kind of arousal that particularly young males are exposed to is not, maybe not so good. Because it sort of sets them into a mode of arousal that they need this certain level or they go after a certain level of arousal all the time.
56:54🔗
Adam
Well, I agree it isn't, but I'm just saying for a guy to sort of adhere to use the Bible as a template and a map and to try to stay close to it in this day and age is tough. This guy's got a VCR and a bunch of porn. All right. Josh?
57:13🔗
Hey, Adam. How are you guys doing?
57:19🔗
Adam
My grandmother said something funny. You know, my grandmother's worse than I am with religion. And you know, she's like 86 years old now, and she's health isn't so great. Honestly, she doesn't have a whole lot longer here on this planet. And my grandfather, who she was very much in love with and with for 40 years passed away just a few years back. And although he was married before, he was married when he lived in Hungary for a few years, and then he moved out here and they got divorced. And he married my grandmother together for 40 years. So a counselor was talking to my grandmother and she said, well, when when you pass away, though, you you will be with Laszlo, the this man that you loved all these years and you'll be able to reunite. That's how it works. And she said, well, if that's how it works, wouldn't he be with his first wife? What about her? She's dead. Aren't they together now? She's probably giving him a BJ. Oh, well, I added that part. But yeah, looking at it that way. I mean, doesn't doesn't he get to be with her? OK, we'll work this out during the break. Josh.
58:29🔗
Adam.
58:30🔗
You're 36. You're on my cell phone. What's up? Now that you're a millionaire, we do literally, literally.
58:45🔗
Caller
Because I can't join the armed forces because I only have two fingers on my right hand. Why?
58:55🔗
Caller
Yeah. My uncle in the recruiting business, he can't even get me in. He can't even get me in.
59:01🔗
Adam
You can't even do like a, you can do a good scouting salute with those fingers, can't you?
59:16🔗
Caller
It's on my right hand and I guess I just have to like learn to do it with my left hand. Right.
59:21🔗
Adam
That's a damn lie. Let me ask you a question because I'm curious about that. Do you have brothers or sisters?
59:30🔗
Adam
And your parents, are they right handed? I mean, here's my point. Here's my point. Here's what I'm interested in finding out.
59:43🔗
Adam
Most likely be right handed. But you were forced to be left handed because of this disability.
59:50🔗
Adam
But I'm wondering if you still have some strength in that right hand more so than somebody who's right handed would have in their left hand.
1:00:00🔗
Drew
It's not a strength issue. He still would have a left hemisphere dominant brain. Because that's the way he's put together. That's why people tend to gravitate to their right hand. Is that the left side of the brain is different than the right side of the brain. Yeah. And people who are left hemisphere dominant, meaning supplying the right side of the body, learn to write like this. They write left handed like that.
1:00:24🔗
Drew
They're right hand dominant. A truly left hand dominant person will write like a right handed person.
1:00:40🔗
Caller
I can grip a ball and I'm actually pretty strong because I can arm wrestle and get good grip where I'm stronger than most people would suspect, but I write retarded with my left hand.
1:00:47🔗
Adam
Yeah, all lefties do because you end up dragging your hand across the ink and smearing it all over the place. All right, well, Josh, you can't really, is there some kind of thing that you can check out with the Army where you get some sort of disability clause or something? I can't believe a couple of fingers are going to get in the way of you snuffing some of them towelheads.
1:01:16🔗
Adam
Oh, you're allowed to call. We're allowed to call Japanese the champs during World War II.
1:01:28🔗
Adam
Okay, well, I can't do it, but I will write a note to the recruiter. Get this guy Josh in. And by the way, if you don't want him, who does? You know what I mean? What's he going to do? In society? Again, I can't join the army. What can you do?
1:01:42🔗
Drew
It's a wonderful life last night. George is kept out of the army because he can't hear out of his left ear.
1:01:49🔗
Adam
Look, we got the chicks, we got the gays, we got everyone in there now. Let's let the guy with the missing a few fingers. Do you know what I mean? I mean, we pretty much opened the barn door. Let's let the Gimps in too, is what I'm saying. I mean, yeah, if you got a leg that's gone or something, but even then, couldn't you work a computer inside of a Bradley fighting vehicle and program some Tomahawk missile? And we could use all of you. They need cooks, not everyone's a seal. You don't have to repel. Half the guys in the Army are working on a laundry ship. Okay. I was very open-minded, Drew.
1:02:27🔗
Drew
Indeed, tonight, open-minded. We're seeing that in all its glory, in fact. Yes. Kelly, you have anything to say? Kelly's been very quiet.
1:02:37🔗
Kelly Monaco
I think she's a good Catholic. I was just sitting and listening and taking it all in.
1:02:47🔗
Adam
I know. You're Italian. I have an Italian family too. Thank God. They're too lazy to even do religion.
1:02:54🔗
Kelly Monaco
Well, I went to Catholic school for six years, but after that, I wasn't forced to go to church ever again.
1:03:22🔗
Adam
That's the main theme. And that's what always makes it just a little suspicious for me. Why is it no matter what the religion is? Some get to eat stuff with hooves. Some get the I mean, I was standing. My dad had a Jewish guy come to do a dinner, a friend of his for Thanksgiving. I was standing behind him and it was like he couldn't eat the ham, but he could eat the turkey. And I was like, oh, get pops, get out of line. Would you go take your crazy fairy tales somewhere?
1:03:48🔗
Adam
Well, they're waiting for the Messiah to come back. And then Jews are constantly waiting for something that's never going to happen. That's basically their thing.
1:03:55🔗
Adam
They're waiting for dinner, waiting to die, they're waiting for the Messiah. They got to cover all the mirrors and put them in the ground in two days. And yeah, they're the craziest, the Jews. Heather, I'm sorry, baby. Go ahead.
1:04:08🔗
Caller
Hi. I have a question concerning a guy that I like. Okay. I've known this guy for like four or five years. And there's always been like a physical attraction, but we were never really like close, close friends or anything. And I was over at a friend's house and he was there and he brought another friend with him. And when I met the other friend, I started to like him and we got really close and we were just talking and everything. And he said how he liked me and we kissed and I gave him my number. He said he would call. And then it's been like two weeks and he hasn't called. But out of the blue, the guy that I've known for like four or five years, he called me and he was really pissed at me because I liked his friend. And he's never really shown any signs of liking me. But now all of a sudden he's mad.
1:05:05🔗
Adam
They're in their thirties. And do you like this friend at all, the one who was pissed?
1:05:18🔗
Drew
That's why the one guy hasn't called. Because the other guy was pissed, let the other guy know he's pissed.
1:05:25🔗
Drew
He's not that interested and his friend put a nix on it. If you were very interested, he would have called you the way. I agree. But he's not that interested. A friend's pissed off.
1:05:38🔗
Adam
Okay. The one who was pissed? No, the other one. All right. Well, what about the one who was pissed? Why don't you hook up with him?
1:05:48🔗
Caller
I don't know. It's weird because we've been friends for a while. And it just seems weird. I don't want to do that.
1:05:56🔗
Adam
Because you're not that into him, though, really, right? I mean, you're more into his friend.
1:06:02🔗
Adam
Right. So you're not that into him and his friend's not. Why don't you call the friend and just see if you can get a straight answer from him? Do you have his number?
1:06:11🔗
Adam
Well, why don't you call him? Call him and say, look, you told me you're into me and it's been a few weeks. And what's his name called? He was pissed. I'm wondering if that was the reason. You're looking for a little clarity here.
1:06:36🔗
Adam
Yeah, because maybe he doesn't think you're into him or who the hell knows. Teenagers are such a mess.
1:07:01🔗
Adam
Yeah, he's up. We'll call him. Okay, you call him and just see what's up. Why not? Look, you guys remember when you were 15?
1:07:14🔗
Adam
There's nothing to remember. I mean, you had some stuff worked out, some stuff didn't. Who the hell even remembers all of it? Did it leave a laughing scar?
1:07:27🔗
Kelly Monaco
Write letters and stuff like that and pass them around, leave them in the lockers or something. I don't know.
1:08:03🔗
Drew
This whole thing to me, sounds like none of this is going to work out. Just for the record, Heather, don't be surprised when you end up with neither of these guys. One you don't want, the other, I'm not so sure is that available. Maybe time to start over. But go ahead, find out from the guy you want to date whether or not he's interested or available.
1:08:24🔗
Adam
Listen, here's the sad, sad truth and the real reason I know there's no God. These two guys could be completely equally qualified, but she's a 15-year-old girl and the guy who hasn't called her back has become so alluring to her. She can not figure out this Rubik's Cube of a man, whereas the guy who called and is clearly interested is of no interest to her anymore because he expressed his interest.
1:09:00🔗
Kelly Monaco
That's what's so special about 15-year-olds. You say no, they say yes. You say yes, they say no. I think that's special.
1:09:08🔗
Adam
Let's give it 15 through 32 on the ladies. It's too bad it didn't just end at 15. As a guy, you're completely different, which is whichever one you're into, you want her to call the most and you'll actually get more into her the more she calls.
1:09:28🔗
Adam
Yes. It has zero to do with them liking you, you just pray that the one you like more likes you more and that she calls more.
1:09:41🔗
Adam
Well, there is a lot more that is open to interpretation, meaning they could like you more or less depending on a few factors and a few actions. Whereas guys, it's not really a factor.
1:09:57🔗
Drew
Yeah. Listen, guys are like a cheetah running after a bunch of gazelle or something. The sick one laying behind, the one that lies still for him, that's what he's going after. Well, women are more like, yes, like a cat playing with a mouse. A mouse got to run away. It's like, no, that and the mouse, boom, it comes in my field of vision now, pow. Right.
1:10:16🔗
Adam
It is absolutely wild kingdom stuff, which is when you watch those lions or those cheetahs chase the herd, whichever one is lame or sick or straggles behind, that's the one it pounces on. Why? That's the first one it got to.
1:10:31🔗
Very easy.
1:10:32🔗
Adam
Not interested in the strong one at the front of the pack. Now, if the strong one at the front of the pack wants to break an ankle and fall behind, it'll jump on that one too.
1:10:43🔗
Adam
But it's not going to run past the one it could eat to get to the one it can't get to.
1:10:49🔗
Drew
A cat will sit and watch a mouse and not think anything out until that mouse tries to run away.
1:10:55🔗
Adam
Then it pounces. And then when Anne will slap around and make it move sometimes if it's not going anywhere. It's like, hey, you're not running. I'll swat you and then I'll jump on you. I'll give you some inertia from my paw. You'll slide across the linoleum and I'll dive on you as if you tried to make a move yourself. I like when cats are like women. That's right. We will take ourselves a little break. Kelly Monaco is our guest tonight from Port Charles and on the cover of FHM this week and this month, I should say. And we'll be right back after this.
1:11:26🔗
Loveline, we'll be right back.
1:11:56🔗
Hey, this is Jim and Fletcher and Randy from Pennywise. We're listening to Love Line with Dr. Drew and Adam Carolla.
1:12:06🔗
Good night.
1:12:08🔗
Adam
Hey, everybody. Love Line. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Kelly Monaco is our guest tonight. She is on the cover of this month's FHM Magazine. What's FHM stand for?
1:12:26🔗
Adam
A lot of guys read that, and I have a fundamental problem with guys reading magazines.
1:12:39🔗
Adam
No, I know a lot of guys who- They love looking at the pictures of the beautiful women, but they really love to read all the articles too.
1:12:49🔗
Kelly Monaco
Well, they could be a little informative about some things. How to pick up women and stuff like that.
1:12:57🔗
Adam
I think only gay guys read the 10-minute abs and that kind of stuff. Drew, do you know what I'm talking about? You know any guys who read about how to get further along in the workplace, how to satisfy a woman, or how to get six-pack abs?
1:13:13🔗
Adam
No. I mean, guys read a ton of crap, but it's never stuff we need to know. We don't read- No guys don't go, I need to know that, I'm going to read about it.
1:13:29🔗
Adam
Yes. Yeah. But we love to read about hot chicks and what they're doing. And that part where they talk about what they need in a guy.
1:13:41🔗
Kelly Monaco
I've met quite a few people who, when they see me in person or whatever, they'll go, oh, you're so short or I didn't know this, or you're from here, and well, it's been printed in every magazine I've done and my whatever, and they just obviously have never read.
1:14:12🔗
Adam
Right, if there's some DVD, compact DVD player, something, they'll read about that, and they like to read about what the chicks, like I said, when they talk about what kind of guy.
1:14:37🔗
Drew
I did an MTV show called Flipped. We took a girl, we made her up as a guy, this couple, and they really look, she looked like a guy and he looked like a girl, but I don't want to be a guy looking like me, you know?
1:14:49🔗
Kelly Monaco
No, no, no. Could you add another foot to me and make me this big masculine six foot guy? I think we could. Right?
1:15:17🔗
Adam
Urinating on stuff is good. Although, an embarrassing story tonight. I was urinating in the sink as I normally do. What? Not the kitchen sink, but the bathroom sink.
1:15:30🔗
Adam
Yeah. My penis was actually stuck to my scrotum, and I started peeing straight down. It was stuck. I had to peel it off.
1:15:40🔗
Adam
No, it went straight down the front of the sink, and yeah, it was all over whatever's on the floor. I was wearing a bathrobe, so it wasn't in my pants, but it was on some sweatpants. I think the ones I'm wearing are actually on the floor.
1:16:11🔗
Adam
There's got to be a lot of guys who pee in the sink, aren't there? I'm not the only guy, am I?
1:16:16🔗
Let's heal some babies.
1:16:21🔗
Drew
Adam was telling me he and David now have reached the fart stage in their relationship. Very impressive.
1:16:27🔗
Caller
Go ahead. I was actually just wondering about the boundaries with discipline in children. I'm a new mom and I really, really worry about screwing up.
1:16:40🔗
Caller
I'm wondering what the boundaries are with spanking and raising your voice and that type of stuff.
1:16:45🔗
Adam
Well, you're not supposed to hit them, but it's important to continuously tell them they're stupid.
1:16:53🔗
Drew
You can harm them in more ways than just by physically abusing them. But just so you understand that there is absolutely no evidence that spanking does anything good. There's every bit of evidence that it's potentially harmful. The rule of thumb is if you need a behavior to stop immediately, in other words, if there's a behavior that's likely to harm them, like running out in traffic, then it's okay to spank. But anything else, you're going to actually get an increase in that behavior over the next few weeks. And it makes things worse. It intrudes upon their biology and starts to get them believing that they're worth that kind of an experience, or that's why they bring on that kind of experience. It makes them feel so powerless that they have to actually turn the relationship around to keep themselves back in control so they don't feel so threatened. And that sets up narcissism.
1:17:47🔗
Adam
Year old. And Drew, what about like burning with a cigarette or something? Is that considered? That's not hitting.
1:17:54🔗
Caller
I pop his hands if he likes to play with electrical cords and I'm constantly popping his hands and telling him, you know, no, that'll hurt you.
1:18:09🔗
Caller
Because my roommate, she thinks my son is horrible and other people do so well with him. He just seems like he likes to test me like my girlfriend. He is an angel for her. As soon as she comes over for the weekend, it's just he's happy and he wants to be her best friend.
1:18:41🔗
Adam
Your boss or your girlfriend or your husband or whoever. The cop doesn't spank you, you just got to pay. You get fired or cost you money. Little spankings. Kelly and a little rough trade every once in a while. Just a little tap, right?
1:18:57🔗
Kelly Monaco
A little tap. Just like, no, it's in charge. Yeah. I like to spank back though.
1:19:05🔗
Adam
I'm trying to think about how that would go over with me. I think I could go with that. All right. You're on.
1:19:17🔗
Adam
But I think it's just a better, I think I was just thinking about this today actually, which is just in all facets of life. When you screw up, you have to realize that when you screw something up, you're going to lose something, perhaps. And I wish you could just, the one time my dad actually spanked me is when I asked him for it. He gave me the choice. I think he wanted to whack me, but he wouldn't do it. So he said, you can go in your room for like three hours, or I can give you a nice spanking. I said, give me the spanking. Bring it on. Get this over with. My dad was such a pussy too. I was like, go ahead, do it.
1:20:09🔗
Adam
No. I had like a lazy hippie family who was like, they didn't believe in spanking, but they didn't really believe in cooking or cleaning. They didn't believe in anything, really.
1:20:24🔗
Kelly Monaco
Well, I don't know about that. You know what? We were threatened with like the switch whip blade thing. I don't know. There's belts that have like the five different belts on it.
1:20:43🔗
Adam
I mean, you're an actress. You've got a little something going, a little nutty, but you're doing well.
1:20:56🔗
Yeah. Hello?
1:20:58🔗
Drew
What's up? I think just a demonstration would be great here. Just Kelly on your rear, Adam. It's quite a thing. Use my belt.
1:21:05🔗
She's got one.
1:21:29🔗
Adam
That was real. Talk to Justin. It's 18. Well, Chris, you can hang on and we'll talk to someone and we'll get back to you. Justin?
1:21:39🔗
Caller
I was shaving my balls with the pews, and now there's red bumps and it's really itchy.
1:21:58🔗
Adam
Why would you use the actual Mach 3? The Mach 3, by the way, is a great razor. You use that, Drew?
1:22:04🔗
Adam
Yeah. You know the thing that's funny about the Mach 3? I never get any questions on this show because I happen to hear a bunch of stuff. But the Mach 3 took like, I heard somebody told me a story. I think they read it in one of these FHM magazines, if not FHM, and they said, it took 10 years and $2 billion of research money to develop the Mach 3. Wow. I was like, hey, retard, you couldn't put another blade on the Mach 2 for about 50 bucks? I mean, an R&D?
1:22:33🔗
Adam
All right, but it was like millions and millions and years of research. I thought, really, just put one more-
1:22:43🔗
Adam
Just adding it on? I mean, how much work is the Mach 4? I can tape two Mach 2s together.
1:22:48🔗
Drew
The reality is, I think the third blade doesn't add that much. It's the kind, there are these laser form.
1:22:57🔗
Drew
The other thing about that, they're designed so that the blade goes bad in about six days. Can you notice that? They could have designed to be good for six years, but they made it so they go over six days.
1:23:14🔗
Drew
No, it's his pubic hair. His pubic hair is getting ingrown hairs. It's called folliculitis, which is why you don't use a blade down there, my man.
1:24:06🔗
Adam
Yeah, those buzzers. Yeah, those are fine. Yeah. We've used those before. That works. But you don't want to be shaving clean. What the hell? So are you getting hernia surgery or something? That's bizarre. It's a strange look. It's a weird kind of porn man-child look.
1:24:35🔗
Adam
Porn man-child. Pre-op porn star man-child look. Any sane woman is going to be put right off when she sees that shaved penis down there. This has got to be bizarre. I'd say you want a guy who's basically... Here's what I think women want. George Clooney's haircut, that's what they'd like downstairs. We can see the ears. We can see the balls. There's something short. Looks neat, looks nice, but not bald.
1:25:09🔗
Adam
Yeah, nothing's out of place. When you draw pubes, that's what you want it to look like. You don't draw crazy hairs going everywhere, but you don't draw them bald.
1:25:19🔗
Kelly Monaco
Well, I'm agreeing. I think trim it down. Use the number two or something. Just trim it down a little bit. Take the scissors.
1:25:50🔗
Adam
I like ball sack, too. That's better. But you know these poor guys, they get all these ingrown hairs and stuff down there? This is what my face is. Do you understand the hell that it is my life?
1:26:03🔗
Adam
The reason people get these ingrown hairs when they shave their pubic hair is because the pubic hair is coarse and it grows in different directions, and it's like a black man's hair, and that's why they get that rash under there, but that's what's on my goddamn face. I got to live with a patch of pub on my face. My mouth is like a vagina. Do you understand? If I grew a goatee, that's what it would be like. Don't tempt you.
1:26:29🔗
Adam
That's what I am. So that's what I deal with. Do you understand, Drew? He who has no hair on his neck even, this, I got a whole pub. I got 10 bushy pub patches from the 70s, taking up my whole face. Nice. Then I shave and it gets all grown and funky and itchy. It's great. We'll be right back. All right. We'll take a little break.
1:26:54🔗
Call 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back.
1:27:45🔗
Adam
Yes, Jack Hole. Kelly Monaco is our guest tonight. She's currently on the cover of FHM. And there's four beautiful soap queens.
1:27:57🔗
Adam
Daytime, sorry. Calling the soap daytime is like when you say porn and they say, well, they're not all. They say adult film.
1:28:14🔗
Kelly Monaco
Well, you know, there's myself who's in soaps and Nikki. Nikki Ziering is on Price is Right.
1:28:30🔗
Kelly Monaco
Yes. And there's Sharon Case, who I believe is on All My Children or another. I don't know which soap and she's a soap. Yeah, she's the other blonde.
1:28:57🔗
Adam
Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Where are we here, Drew? Put the screen down. I can't read it. Thank you. So let's talk to Chris. He's 15. He told us to hang on last time. Chris?
1:29:14🔗
Caller
Bad time, son. I think smoking has actually caused me to stay awake at night, and I can't sleep good.
1:29:30🔗
Drew
Well, when you come off POD, you're going to screw up your sleep for about a month or two. That's just part of the withdrawal syndrome.
1:29:38🔗
Drew
Yeah. So you're going to be screwed up for a little while. It's going to affect your mood, it's going to affect your sleep, you're going to feel anxious. I think it's important if somebody watch you or keep an eye on you when you're going through this, because sometimes people actually get suicidal depressions, and this is part of the biology of the withdrawal. Oh, man. They can be treated too. It's the other thing, because you don't have to suffer through this. On top of that, the probability is unless you do something to replace what you've been doing, you're going to get back to it or you're going to replace it with something else. So it becomes important also to practice or get involved in a program of recovery.
1:30:13🔗
Drew
Yes. You want to talk to a doctor that has a training in addiction medicine, okay? Because there's some good treatments for this.
1:30:20🔗
Drew
MA is where you should go in the meantime. And if you go to Marijuana Anonymous, they probably will know doctors who are used to dealing with this.
1:30:32🔗
Adam
You want to know if there's any exercise that you can do, not get a sore jaw while giving a BJ?
1:30:39🔗
Adam
Let me start off with a training penis like my own. Something that's a little easier to handle.
1:30:50🔗
Caller
There are exercises for the vagina, the Kegel exercises. I was just wondering if there was anything like that for the mouth.
1:31:09🔗
Caller
Well, in my biology class, what we learned was that it's to prepare for birth or something. They don't have to cut something when you're giving birth.
1:32:07🔗
Drew
Okay. You've got to stop before you get the soreness. The only way, it really, I guess, is an issue about the health and hygiene of your temporal mandibular joint, which is avoid teeth grinding and, you know, avoid teeth grinding. Yeah. You might be careful you don't have a lot of grinding of your teeth at night. You're not anxious and tighten your jaw. I imagine chewing gum and things like that are not the greatest thing in the world for you.
1:32:33🔗
Adam
Not. Well, I mean, but do you need to exercise this joint or is it just in? Go to Sizzler and get yourself a nice $6.99 steak three nights a week.
1:32:45🔗
Drew
Just the fact that she's concerned with this is what I was trying to get at. It's a bizarre preoccupation.
1:32:51🔗
Drew
No, she wants to. She doesn't, which is what I wanted to get at was that I want to be sure that wasn't what she was trying to do. She wants her jaw not to hurt. And she just shouldn't do it as long. All right.
1:33:10🔗
Adam
Speaking of balls, stay away from them during the PJ. Very confusing for the penis. Penis gets jealous.
1:33:26🔗
You can't press the balls. You know what I'm saying now, Dan?
1:33:43🔗
Adam and Dr. Drew will be right back on Loveline.
1:34:21🔗
Adam
All right. I want to thank Kelly Monaco for coming in here tonight and being such a good sport. You can find her on the cover of FHM. You got two blondes and a black haired girl, and Kelly is the sort of, I'd say, give her the dishwater blonde on the cover. Your hair is a little darker in real life.
1:34:49🔗
Kelly Monaco
No, I've never dyed my hair, processed it in any way. That's all extensions. That's fake.
1:34:59🔗
Kelly Monaco
Yeah, well, they just add a little bits of blonde because I won't dye my hair. So why dye it if they can just put these pieces in and make it look real?
1:35:30🔗
This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on the show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Dingle. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.