Sunday, August 26, 2001

1:01🔗 Voiceover Listener discretion is advised. Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew. Loveline, coast to coast.

1:13🔗 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. No guests tonight, but later on this week, Jay Moore, Matthew Lillard will be here and Slash from Guns N Roses and Slash's Snake Pit and many other endeavors. They'll love being here. And I haven't seen Slash in a while, so I'm interested to see how coherent he is.

1:42🔗 Drew How he survives.

1:44🔗 Adam He does survive. All right, Dr. Drew, did I give the board certified?

1:48🔗 Drew I don't know.

1:49🔗 Adam Board certified physician, addiction medicine specialist. Man show on tonight, everybody. Comedy Central. Yeah, big one.

1:56🔗 Drew Turn off the radio and turn to the TV, of course.

1:57🔗 Adam Oprah Jimfrey. Yeah, that's a big one. Jimmy's Oprah. Very entertaining. So this weekend, I was, I don't know if you've ever had this experience, and I imagine it's something that only LA people get, which is people really beating up on your town and not thinking twice about it. Yeah.

2:17🔗 Drew Whatever.

2:17🔗 Adam Like, I was out on Lake Big Bear, Big Bear Lake today. Got up, I was in Big Bear, some basically some ski resort with a lake in it about two hours out of LA.

2:28🔗 Drew Yeah, that's one of the nice things about LA, there is a ski resort two hours away.

2:31🔗 Adam Right.

2:32🔗 Drew I mean, people don't know that.

2:33🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, it's the middle of the summer. So I stayed in a cabin and got up there with a bunch of guys and we decided to hit the lake at eight in the morning and do some water skiing. And the guy was driving the boat. And there's a certain kind of man who gravitates toward the lake, you know, and he's just sitting there in the boat. And I always love this. I've had it happen many times. We're like, he's like, where are you all from? And you got to do that. Hollywood. We're all from Hollywood, which always always sounds like crap. But he's like, where in Hollywood? And one of my friends like Fairfax area. And he's like, oh, yeah, I used to live there over by Curzon. He's like, yeah, by the high school. Yeah, I grew up there. I lived there. Got the hell out of there. Crime, looting, corrosive smog. And you're all, you just sit in there, nodding your head and you realize, hey, I'm heading back in an hour and a half to that crime ridden corrosive smog area that you just spoke of. But I mean, he gave it, it was like the hubs of hell to him. It's like, well, yeah, I got out of there. I got smart, I got sane, and I got my ass right out of there. And I'm thinking, in what other universe? Name me another town where a guy would talk about that in front of four people who were from that town.

3:47🔗 Drew Who were about to depart from there.

3:49🔗 Adam Who are, you know, it's 8.30 in the morning, and at 11 we'll be in our cars heading back there. You couldn't get away with that. Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Cleveland, New York.

3:59🔗 Drew We would have beaten the guy up. Somebody would have attacked.

4:01🔗 Adam You would have been scared.

4:02🔗 Drew Brooklyn.

4:03🔗 Adam You just couldn't have taken the town, wherever it is in the world, where the four people were from, said you were from there and what a piece of ass it was and how the hell you got your ass out of there because you were smart.

4:13🔗 Drew And the great news is you guys all sat there going, yeah, you're right.

4:15🔗 Adam Yeah, well, you look around, you see blue skies and a green lake and you think...

4:20🔗 Drew What the F, Adam, every time we go to another city, you say that.

4:22🔗 Adam I know.

4:23🔗 Drew Every time.

4:24🔗 Adam Kristy.

4:25🔗 Yo.

4:25🔗 Adam You're 19, what's up?

4:27🔗 Caller Well, okay, here's the deal. I've tried having sex with my boyfriend like three or four times and there's a problem. Like there's no penetration. Like it hurts like hell to even try and I'm wondering what is wrong with me.

4:42🔗 Drew Are you lubricating? Yeah.

4:45🔗 Caller Well, we've tried that but it's like, it's like I'm too...

4:47🔗 Drew No, no, no. No, no, no. Not, are you applying lubrication? Is your body producing lubrication?

4:52🔗 Caller Um, you know, I don't really think so actually.

4:56🔗 Adam Maybe. Is he, is he, is he in the right place?

4:59🔗 Drew Yeah.

4:59🔗 Adam Well, we're trying to get you in the back.

5:01🔗 Caller We try like all different kinds of like...

5:03🔗 Drew Was it in the front where you thought it was?

5:04🔗 Caller What?

5:05🔗 Adam Well, I mean, he might be putting it in the wrong, trying to put it in the wrong hole there. Sometimes people get little abscesses around that area and it's mistaken for a vagina.

5:17🔗 Drew That's what happened to you.

5:18🔗 Adam So lubrication.

5:20🔗 Drew So, and you don't think you're lubricating. Are you into this guy?

5:22🔗 Caller Oh, yeah.

5:23🔗 Drew Are you aroused when you're trying to do this?

5:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

5:26🔗 Drew Are you on any medication?

5:27🔗 Caller No, not at all.

5:29🔗 Drew Nothing, no birth control pills?

5:30🔗 Caller No, nothing.

5:31🔗 Drew What are you using for contraception?

5:33🔗 Caller For, just like condoms and stuff like that.

5:36🔗 Drew Stuff like that?

5:38🔗 Adam Have you rabbits' feet? Have you had sex before?

5:42🔗 Caller Oh, no. I'm still a virgin.

5:43🔗 Adam Oh, all right.

5:44🔗 Drew Well, it does hurt the first time sometimes.

5:46🔗 Caller Yeah, that's what my friends are saying. That it's like they've had that same problem where it just like won't go in because like it's just, it feels like it's like ripping my skin and it's like, ah, it won't go in, you know?

5:57🔗 Adam Have you ever, boy, do I hate this show, but have you ever tried putting your own fingers in there and seeing how the fit was?

6:03🔗 Caller Well, yeah, that's fine. It's like, that's just like the right size. But you know, you try to go any bigger and it's just like, it won't work.

6:10🔗 It just hurts.

6:11🔗 Drew Well, there could be some spasming of those muscles. That's often what causes the pain. And if you're kind of uptight, there's actually something called vaginismus, which is thought to be more of a reflexive spasming. And all this stuff has treatment.

6:25🔗 Adam I thought that was a black holiday.

6:27🔗 Drew Vaginismus?

6:28🔗 Adam Yeah, that was a dirt Christmas. Oh, no, that's quanzas. Stupid, stupid. Sorry.

6:33🔗 Drew And have you seen a gynecologist or a doctor have a public view yet? All right, it's time to do that. It's in preparation for all this. You got to get your anatomy checked. You got to talk to somebody about birth control. The fact that you're using condoms and all that kind of concerns me. I don't know what the whole that would include.

6:48🔗 Adam Well, listen, she's 19. She's a babe in the woods. She's a virgin. Yeah. She's fumbling her way around.

6:54🔗 Drew She's sort of freaked out. I think that's part of the problem. She relaxes. She leaves a lot of lubrication that things will probably be OK, but she ought to be checked out anatomically.

7:00🔗 Adam Mandy?

7:01🔗 Yeah.

7:02🔗 Adam You're 14?

7:03🔗 Caller Yeah.

7:04🔗 Adam What's up?

7:05🔗 Caller Um, for the first time tonight, me and my boyfriend, we, I guess you could say, attempted to have sex. He had the condom on and he went in. He didn't go in all the way. I'm assuming we were three inches. And it hurt. Like, it felt like the skin was splitting.

7:20🔗 Drew Just the same call. We just, did you hear us talking to our previous caller?

7:24🔗 Caller Yeah.

7:24🔗 Drew So it's the same thing, right?

7:26🔗 Caller Well, no. And the thing is, though, when I told him to pull out, because I wanted to make sure if there was any blood or anything, and there was, there was a lot, and I made him stick his fingers inside me to feel around. And it was bleeding a lot. And my mother, I am petrified to tell her if I ever had sex, you know what I mean? Because she's probably either keep me and him away, and I am still in love with him. I mean, he's my first of everything.

7:51🔗 Drew How old is he?

7:52🔗 Caller He's 16.

7:54🔗 Adam How's the part go where you have him reach in to the piggy bank and feel around, see if he can fish a nickel out?

8:02🔗 Caller Just basically fingering me.

8:03🔗 Adam Hold on a second, Drew.

8:05🔗 Drew Fingers.

8:06🔗 Adam Basic fingering. Well, I'm going to write BF, and hopefully that will remind you.

8:10🔗 Drew IMG.

8:11🔗 Adam Basic fingering. Yeah. But I mean, was that because you weren't going to have sex? The way you described at the beginning is like he was looking for something or seeing if you were bleeding or something like that.

8:23🔗 Caller Yeah, he was seeing if I was bleeding or not because I made him pull out.

8:27🔗 Drew Well, you knew you were bleeding. What was he on a search for?

8:30🔗 Caller To see if I was bleeding a lot because we did this previously and it was only a little bit.

8:34🔗 Drew So, you had had sex before?

8:36🔗 Caller No. Today was like the first time I ever had sex.

8:39🔗 Drew Oh, boy. Here we go. It's a Loveline caller.

8:41🔗 Adam Well, they previously done this before.

8:43🔗 Drew Had you had sex before? No. No.

8:45🔗 Caller Well, you listen, you're confusing me.

8:47🔗 Adam Yeah. You're confusing you, honey.

8:49🔗 Caller Anyway, this today is the first time he ever actually went in.

8:52🔗 Right.

8:53🔗 Caller This first time he attempted.

8:54🔗 Drew And what had you done before?

8:56🔗 Caller He just like stuck like the very head, just not even the penis, just try to go in.

9:01🔗 Drew And that caused bleeding and pain also?

9:03🔗 Yeah.

9:03🔗 Caller It was splitting the skin.

9:04🔗 Drew It's not. It's not. Listen, you're not tearing anything. Although there is such a thing, you're just really probably tearing the hymen, the opening the vagina up, right? And that's a normal process.

9:18🔗 Caller Yeah. But my question is, can the doctors tell that to see if you're a virgin or not?

9:22🔗 Drew Well, sometimes people don't. They can tell if you are a virgin. They can't tell if you aren't. In other words, if you have a hymen, you're a virgin. If you don't have one, sometimes that just happens by itself.

9:32🔗 Adam Mandy.

9:33🔗 Drew And what difference does it make? If you're doing anything with a doctor, that's confidential. That has nothing to do with anyone else but you.

9:38🔗 Adam She's worried about her mom.

9:39🔗 Drew Yeah, your mom is not...

9:40🔗 Caller My mother will beat me to the floor.

9:42🔗 Drew Yeah, well she'll beat you?

9:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

9:44🔗 Drew Well, if she beats you, then you should be calling the police or Child Protective Services.

9:49🔗 Caller Well, we've had that once happen before.

9:52🔗 Adam Oh, baby.

9:53🔗 Caller Yeah, but I mean...

9:54🔗 Adam Hey, Mandy?

9:55🔗 Caller Yeah?

9:56🔗 Adam All right, I'm going to say something that's going to be very important. I have checked my statistic sheet, and you are 500 times more likely to get pregnant before your 16th birthday than the average woman is. Because I can hear your voice, I hear your mom beating you in the floor. God knows where your dad is. You got a 16-year-old boyfriend, he's already starting to stick it in. And I want you to be careful with the pregnancy. Do you understand?

10:21🔗 Caller Yeah, I mean, we're using a condom and all, but I mean, I'm just experimenting, I guess you could say.

10:26🔗 Adam Right, but that can still get you pregnant.

10:28🔗 Drew You're acting out.

10:30🔗 Adam Okay, you want to go to the doctor and have yourself looked at, though, right?

10:33🔗 Drew That's what you should do, maybe plan parenthood.

10:34🔗 Adam Go to plan parenthood and have them do that. That's fine. It's normal. You're becoming sexually active.

10:40🔗 Drew Then you need to take that responsibility and take care of yourself, okay? Okay. What's happening sounds completely normal.

10:48🔗 Adam Right.

10:48🔗 Drew But you need to have it checked out to be sure that it is.

10:50🔗 Adam Let me tell you an interesting consequence of over-domineering parents. Well, to say, a-hole. Abusive parents who are going to smack them to the floor if they get pregnant. They're then scared to seek help for fear that their mother will find out that they sought help. So now, basically, they're just having sex. The guy's rammed his penis into a cigar tube and he's using a 30-weight motor oil as lubricant.

11:15🔗 Drew Also, these kids that are abused physically like that expect that kind of treatment from adults. They expect to be violated and they don't trust them.

11:23🔗 Adam Well, it is what doctors do, though.

11:24🔗 Drew They do that. Every time, Adam. That's what they do.

11:26🔗 Adam Kristen?

11:28🔗 Hi.

11:28🔗 Adam You're 15. What's up?

11:31🔗 Caller I was masturbating with a hot dog and it got stuck up in me and I don't know what to do.

11:35🔗 Is that going to give me an infection or anything?

11:38🔗 Adam No.

11:39🔗 Drew The whole thing is stuck in you?

11:41🔗 Caller Not the whole thing.

11:42🔗 Like, I was doing it and a piece of it broke off because I don't know. It just did. Hmm.

11:49🔗 Adam I don't know if I believe her.

11:50🔗 Drew I don't either, but let's assume that, let's pretend.

11:53🔗 Adam Hey, did some guy put you up to this question?

11:55🔗 Caller Um, no.

11:56🔗 Adam Huh?

11:57🔗 Caller No.

11:57🔗 Adam Huh?

11:58🔗 Caller No.

11:58🔗 Drew How long ago did this happen?

12:00🔗 What?

12:01🔗 Adam How long ago did this happen?

12:03🔗 Caller Like a half an hour.

12:04🔗 Adam What kind of hot dog?

12:06🔗 Caller I don't know.

12:06🔗 Adam Okay.

12:07🔗 Liar, liar whore, liar whore, you know it.

12:10🔗 Drew She might not know.

12:11🔗 Adam Now listen, who, think about it. You know, it sounds, it sounds like an honest answer. I don't know. But everyone knows what kind of hot dogs they have at home. They know the difference between Oscar Mayer and a Hebrew national. You've been eating them for years. Did someone give you the hot dog? Did someone produce the hot dog? Where'd you get the hot dog?

12:32🔗 Caller Out of the fridge.

12:33🔗 Adam And you don't know what package it was in?

12:35🔗 Caller No, it was in a just plastic bag.

12:37🔗 Drew All right, let's just, you know.

12:39🔗 Adam I don't buy this. Your parents eat hot dogs?

12:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

12:43🔗 Adam And you don't know what kind they buy?

12:45🔗 Caller No, I don't go shopping with my mom.

12:47🔗 Adam You don't see what they bring home? You don't know? What kind of peanut butter do you eat?

12:52🔗 I think like, just I guess.

12:54🔗 Adam There you go. But you don't know what kind of hot dogs? No. I don't buy it.

12:59🔗 Drew Okay. Let's, but let's.

13:00🔗 Adam I don't, I'm angry if I do, if it is true.

13:03🔗 Drew All right. But I'm with you. But let, if anything gets stuck up in there, it is a real concern. It can cause infection that it could even, if it becomes sort of occlusive, it's big enough. It could put you at risk for toxic shock syndrome.

13:14🔗 Adam I got a plan.

13:15🔗 Drew So.

13:15🔗 Adam It's a risky plan, but it's worth it. Kristen? Do you have a dog?

13:20🔗 Yes.

13:21🔗 Adam Okay. Now listen very carefully. I'm gonna need you to get the dog into the room.

13:26🔗 He's outside.

13:27🔗 Adam I know. I know. Does your dog eat hot dogs? Listen carefully. This is not a joking matter. Okay. Is it really up in there? Did you really break it off in there?

13:41🔗 Uh, yeah.

13:42🔗 Adam You did it a half hour ago.

13:44🔗 Yeah.

13:45🔗 Drew Okay. You could try a douche. A douche you get over the counter.

13:47🔗 Adam A douche?

13:49🔗 Drew Yeah. See if you can flush it out.

13:50🔗 Adam How about just some centrifugal force? You get on one of those apparatuses they have at the military training place.

13:56🔗 Drew How about just one of those little marigolds at the playground? Just to have somebody put your friends push you on that? Yeah.

14:02🔗 Adam No, but if there's like uneven bars or something at the high school that you could get a nice whip going on. Plant the landing and have the hot dog pop out into the lamp of the Russian judge.

14:13🔗 Drew So it is, Kristen, something very important that you have taken out or get out within the next day or so because it could put you at risk for toxic shock. It will get infectious. It will smell like hell. It will be a big problem. And if you can't reach it with your finger, if you can't flush it out with a douche, you got to go see a doctor and you'll be surprised. It's not a big deal. Stuff, you'd be amazed. No, no, no, Adam, we fish stuff out all the time. Really, we do.

14:37🔗 Adam Hey, Kristen, can you feel it if you put your finger in there?

14:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

14:42🔗 Adam All right, now here's the deal, Drew. It can't really be absorbed into the body.

14:47🔗 Drew No, it'll start, it'll rot and cause infection.

14:49🔗 Adam It'll start working its way out.

14:50🔗 Drew It'll cause infection. No, no, no.

14:52🔗 Adam How about she uses one of those toothpicks with a colorful sulfane top on it? You know what I'm talking about?

14:58🔗 Drew With the hooks?

14:59🔗 Adam No, no, just a toothpick with a colorful sulfane.

15:02🔗 Drew Oh, I see, little plumes.

15:03🔗 Adam Like they use for cocktail weenies.

15:05🔗 Drew Right, right. Oh, I see, it'll be gravitating to that.

15:08🔗 Adam Then I could get it out of there. Kristen. Drew, what about this? What about her pushing on her abdomen and sort of working it out like toothpaste?

15:20🔗 Drew Yeah, she can try to, pressure will potentially extrude it, but not necessarily.

15:26🔗 Adam All right.

15:27🔗 Drew This can be difficult to retrieve.

15:29🔗 Adam And Kristen, what else you put up there lately?

15:31🔗 Caller Um, nothing.

15:32🔗 Adam What's up with you?

15:34🔗 Caller My boyfriend told me to do it.

15:36🔗 Adam He told you to call here or he told you to do it?

15:37🔗 Caller No, he told me to do the hot dog thing.

15:39🔗 Adam Uh-huh. And if your boyfriend put a bridge up his vagina, would you put a, wait, how's that one go?

15:47🔗 Drew If he put a C-clamp on his, on his...

15:49🔗 Adam If your boyfriend jumped off a bridge onto a hot dog and it went up his vagina, would you do it too?

15:54🔗 No.

15:55🔗 Adam Alright. Be careful.

15:57🔗 Okay.

15:57🔗 Adam Take care of yourself. And don't do whatever your boyfriend asks you to do. Do you understand?

16:01🔗 Uh-huh.

16:02🔗 Adam Alright.

16:03🔗 Drew Which includes calling the show.

16:05🔗 Adam Yeah. I swear to Christ, she asked to know what kind of hot dogs her family uses.

16:11🔗 Drew Of course. More than peanut butter.

16:15🔗 Adam More? More? I don't know. No. I'd say peanut butter more. But hot dogs...

16:20🔗 Drew I think people are like, oh, this kind I like, this kind I don't like.

16:23🔗 Adam Yeah. But stupid people like everything. Except for good stuff. That's how you know people are stupid. They like that Oscar Mayer crap, but they don't like the good Hebrew national. Alright. Let's talk to Aaron, who's 16. Aaron?

16:41🔗 Caller Hello.

16:42🔗 Adam What's up?

16:43🔗 Caller Hey. I like to eat ballparks.

16:46🔗 Adam You're a ballparker?

16:47🔗 Caller Yeah. I like a ballpark.

16:49🔗 Adam Where the hell are you from?

16:50🔗 Caller I used to live. I'm from Brixton, but I used to live in Ireland.

16:56🔗 Adam Wait a minute. Where's Brixton? In Boston?

16:58🔗 Caller No. Brixton is like the ghetto in London. It's like a really harsh part of town.

17:07🔗 Adam The hell kind of accent is this?

17:09🔗 Drew It's a made up one.

17:10🔗 Adam No, I know. It's so bad, it's good though. You know what I'm saying?

17:14🔗 Drew Yeah.

17:14🔗 Caller No, it's not made up. It's 14 years of experience.

17:19🔗 Drew Now it's a little bit more.

17:20🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, it just came in.

17:22🔗 Drew As soon as we bring his attention to it.

17:23🔗 Caller He's an idiot.

17:24🔗 Adam He had to focus on that one, Eric.

17:26🔗 Caller Yeah. Okay. All right.

17:28🔗 Adam I'd like you to say, I'd like you to repeat this to me, all right?

17:34🔗 Caller Okay.

17:35🔗 Adam I saw the movie.

17:37🔗 Caller I saw the movie.

17:39🔗 Adam Hannah and her sisters.

17:40🔗 Caller Hannah and her sisters.

17:43🔗 Adam So he should have been Hannah and her sisters.

17:45🔗 Caller Okay.

17:47🔗 Adam So where are you living now?

17:49🔗 Caller I'm in Fort Myers, Florida.

17:50🔗 Adam All right. What's the question?

17:53🔗 Caller America's penis, as I'd like to call it.

17:57🔗 Drew The shape of Florida he's referring to.

17:59🔗 Adam Oh, I see.

17:59🔗 Drew Very creative calling.

18:01🔗 Adam It doesn't look that much like a penis. Go ahead.

18:05🔗 Caller All right. My girlfriend's mother, I used to be part of the IRA. And my girlfriend's mother, I've explained to her that I'm no longer part of it because of previous, I was arrested twice before.

18:16🔗 Drew How long have you been in this country?

18:17🔗 Caller I've been in this country for six months.

18:19🔗 Drew And when's your birthday?

18:21🔗 Caller October 27th.

18:23🔗 Drew So you were a 15 year old IRA member?

18:26🔗 Caller No, 16.

18:27🔗 Drew Yeah, six months ago, you were 16 months and you were like 16 in two months.

18:32🔗 Caller I was very young when I joined.

18:33🔗 Drew Yeah, you were a 15 year old IRA member.

18:35🔗 Caller Yes. Yes, sir. All right.

18:38🔗 Adam So why does your mom know you're in? Why does her mom know? No. Why does her mom know you're in that?

18:44🔗 Caller Because of when I came over, like the schools, like when they checked my other records from my visa, you know, my my jail record was on there.

18:53🔗 Adam All right. That's the Irish Republican Army.

18:56🔗 Caller Yes, sir.

18:57🔗 Adam All right. So what? She thinks you're still in it?

18:59🔗 Caller Yeah, she thinks I'm some like hooligan, like a rude boy or something.

19:02🔗 Adam And I'm like, yeah, listen, I could I could understand her concerns.

19:07🔗 You know, good hooligan.

19:10🔗 Adam It's been the last year making pipe bombs in some guys' basement.

19:13🔗 Caller Oh, no, but I'm like the perfect gentleman to Houdada.

19:17🔗 Adam All right. All right. Hold on a second. This guy, this guy gives me the creeps in a in a strange sort of sociopathic sort of way.

19:29🔗 Drew Like, how many 15 year olds join?

19:31🔗 Adam Well, that's a good, that's a good point. Aaron, maybe it's just your charming personality that's scaring her. I mean, maybe she just smells trouble. You know, it's not, it's not all about the IRA. That's one part of it. And the other part of it is you.

19:46🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

19:47🔗 Adam You know what I'm saying?

19:48🔗 Caller Yeah, I see.

19:49🔗 Adam Are you a troublemaker?

19:50🔗 Caller Oh, well, I mean, not exactly.

19:53🔗 Drew I mean, You've been arrested in this country?

19:55🔗 Caller No, not yet.

19:58🔗 Adam Are your grades good?

20:00🔗 Yeah.

20:01🔗 Caller Okay.

20:01🔗 Drew What are you doing in this country?

20:03🔗 Caller Oh, I had to move. Why? Because, uh, see, I lived in England with my father, and I moved to move to my mother.

20:12🔗 Adam Oh, okay. All right. Well, that...

20:15🔗 Caller Whoo!

20:15🔗 Drew As usual at Loveline Callers, it makes it crystal clear.

20:19🔗 Adam He used to live in England, and now he lives here.

20:22🔗 Drew No, he didn't even say that.

20:23🔗 Adam No, it's...

20:23🔗 Drew He used to live with my father, and then I moved to my mother. Right.

20:26🔗 Adam All right. That's why I had to move. All right. Uh, I don't know. I don't care. Aaron... I don't like Aaron that much. I think he's got a personality disorder, so, uh... And I don't blame mom. If I saw this guy coming around, I'd have to keep my daughter away from him, too. So we're not going to help you. All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll speak to, uh, Rachel. No, no, no. Who do you want to talk to when we come back? There we go. Girl was raped at a party, been masturbating since he was seven, non-stop, wants to know... She. Oh, she. Wow, that's better. After this. Hey, Love Line, I'm Adam. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-L-O-V-E-191. All right, let's go back, see if we can help the kiddies. I'm really going to focus this, Bray.

21:21🔗 Drew I'm good.

21:21🔗 Adam But then not the next one. But then I will the one after that. I'm going to try staggering my focus. Marianne? You're 18?

21:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

21:30🔗 Adam What's up?

21:32🔗 Caller Well, I found out what sex was really early. In fact, I don't even remember. I just remember when I was six, I would tell my same age friends what it was, and they wouldn't believe me, and then their parents would get mad, and I would tell them things like that.

21:48🔗 Adam All righty.

21:49🔗 Drew Do you think you saw something?

21:52🔗 Caller I don't think so, actually.

21:54🔗 Drew More than anybody did something to you?

21:56🔗 Caller No, I think, I think, I don't know. I think maybe somebody told me something, or like I read one of those like health books, you know?

22:03🔗 Drew You read at age five?

22:05🔗 Caller No, I learned to read when I was three.

22:08🔗 Adam Oh, really?

22:08🔗 Drew Wow.

22:08🔗 Adam She said I learned to read when I was 23.

22:11🔗 Learned to read?

22:13🔗 Adam At a third grade level when I was 23. I'm now up to seventh grade, thank you. All right, so you learned early and what's the problem?

22:23🔗 Caller I would like to touch myself down there and I never realized till I was like maybe in fifth grade when I was doing. Right. But I knew I was like masturbating and like to, well in the last few years I really found out that especially like, you know, it became all popularized that it's all normal for girls to masturbate and everything. Right. And I was like, wait, I didn't think that was possible, you know.

22:47🔗 Drew Didn't think it was what?

22:48🔗 Caller I didn't think it was possible for people to like masturbate when they were seven or eight.

22:52🔗 Adam Well, you don't have an orgasm, do you?

22:55🔗 Caller But I did, like, I didn't know what to call it exactly back then, but it would like escalate, you know, and then like the release and everything. I mean, now I know it, and I mean, now it's a lot more, you know.

23:08🔗 Drew Right. It's a different experience.

23:09🔗 Adam We would have that at seven.

23:11🔗 Caller Yeah, but like, yeah. It was lighter and everything.

23:14🔗 Drew Let me ask you a couple of questions.

23:17🔗 Adam Let me ask you this, Drew.

23:18🔗 Drew Go ahead.

23:18🔗 Adam With men, it's pretty cut and dried because what are you going to do at 11? You're not producing sperm.

23:25🔗 Drew Right.

23:26🔗 Adam You can have no ejaculate.

23:27🔗 Drew That's right.

23:28🔗 Adam It can feel good. It can feel like tingly and all that kind of stuff. But you can't just, you know, physiologically cannot have an orgasm because it is not in place. Right. But with a woman, maybe it's a little different.

23:40🔗 Drew I mean, maybe it is, but I still think it's qualitatively different once they have puberty.

23:46🔗 Adam I would assume, but I mean, what I mean is we can experience almost nothing before the age of puberty.

23:53🔗 Drew They may experience something a little more.

23:54🔗 Adam They may experience a more heightened version now at 18, but still a version of something.

24:00🔗 Drew I understand. Listen, Marianne, was there a lot of chaos in your life as an older child?

24:06🔗 Caller Not really. Well, I moved. I totally moved really far to another country.

24:12🔗 Where did you move to?

24:14🔗 Caller America.

24:16🔗 Adam Where are you from?

24:17🔗 Caller Russia.

24:18🔗 Adam Really? Good times.

24:20🔗 Drew Did you hear that Russian accent?

24:21🔗 Adam I hear something. I can't tell. No, she has something, but I didn't know what it was. She was in Puerto Rican or something.

24:28🔗 Drew And your parents, they re together?

24:31🔗 Caller Well, actually, they got divorced around the same time.

24:34🔗 Drew Yeah. So, okay. That's a lot for a child to deal with.

24:38🔗 Adam Dad's an alcoholic?

24:40🔗 Caller No.

24:41🔗 Adam Really?

24:41🔗 Caller My dad's normal and my mom like talks to him.

24:43🔗 Drew They kicked him out because of that.

24:44🔗 Adam Isn't everyone in Russia an alcoholic?

24:47🔗 Caller Yeah, they are.

24:50🔗 Drew That's why I had to leave. All right. But the deal is that kids that have a lot of chaos will sort of find their way to various kinds of arousal mechanisms. Boys will tend to become kind of violent. They may sort of expose themselves. Oftentimes, it involves the genitalia. I've just seen that over and again. I don't know exactly what the syndromes are associated with this, but I've certainly seen this. When I'm treating parents who are addicts, whose families are falling apart because of the addicted parents, the child often starts acting out in these kinds of ways. It's a way of trying to use arousal to manage unpleasant feelings, really. It's kind of normal, provided that your life is normal now, that you're emotionally stable, you have normal relationships.

25:28🔗 Adam She's doing great. Listen, Mary Ann, don't question yourself so much. You're fine, baby. Speak two languages. You're out of that God-forsaken Russia, you're here in the beautiful US of A, making a new life for yourself. God bless.

25:41🔗 Drew Our favorite town, too.

25:43🔗 Adam And Chicago. The most USA., USA will ever be is in Chicago.

25:47🔗 Drew Speaking of how much LA sucks, don't you and I just sing that when we go to Chicago?

25:54🔗 Adam Yeah.

25:54🔗 Drew Isn't that we really get into that sort of mantra?

25:56🔗 Adam I think they think we're kissing it. Alex?

25:59🔗 Yeah.

26:01🔗 Adam Yeah, you're 15. What's happening?

26:03🔗 Caller Yeah, my neighbor recently told me that he had hepatitis C, and I was basically wondering what that is and what causes it.

26:13🔗 Drew This is a child with hepatitis C?

26:15🔗 Caller He's 17.

26:16🔗 Drew Yeah. Does he do drugs?

26:19🔗 Caller Not that I know of.

26:21🔗 Drew Well, hepatitis C is a virus very similar in terms of how it causes infection to the HIV virus. It infects the liver a significant majority of the time it causes chronic liver disease. A significant majority of those will get cirrhosis and even liver cancer. It's treatable and it does need to be treated with antiviral medication.

26:40🔗 Adam If they make out, can Alex get it?

26:42🔗 Drew No. It's not typically that way. Sexual contact theoretically can do it. It's just like HIV. You have anal sex with somebody with hepatitis C.

26:50🔗 Adam All right. No more anal sex with him, Alex.

26:52🔗 Drew You share a needle with somebody.

26:53🔗 Adam You understand?

26:54🔗 Caller I like girls.

26:55🔗 Drew Okay.

26:56🔗 Adam That's another good reason why you should stop.

26:58🔗 Drew You're definitely going to get it if you share a needle with somebody. It's the new HIV. I've been predicting this story to come along for a long time. He's very fascinated by the story, I could tell.

27:10🔗 Adam You know, it's funny.

27:11🔗 Drew It's like entranced with information.

27:13🔗 Adam Well, so really, Drew, it is your job in a nutshell. I mean, when you just stand back and one day you'll retire from this gig, you may have had 25 or 30 years under your belt by then, especially if this whole TV thing doesn't work out. And Lord knows it doesn't look like it's working out, but we'll keep our fingers crossed. But here's basically your entire Loveline career in a nutshell. 15-year-old calls. What's Hepatitis C? Well, it's a disease that can attack the liver. It's spread no differently than...

27:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

27:49🔗 Adam Yeah, all right.

27:51🔗 Drew I like girls.

27:54🔗 Adam My girlfriend got a hot dog. She got a corn dog stuck in her ass. Get it? Corn dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Oh, you mean, what is Hepatitis C is a boring answer? That is going to be filled with fart sound effects and crazy slide whistles. That's a boring answer? Oh, forget it. That was going to be good.

28:21🔗 Drew I'm just keeping it real.

28:23🔗 Adam Rachel, you're 16. What's up?

28:26🔗 Caller Oh, God, Dr. Drew, you probably have to be the most attractive man in the world.

28:30🔗 Caller He is.

28:30🔗 Adam He is a good looking guy.

28:32🔗 Caller Yes, he is.

28:33🔗 Caller Okay. Well, first, like to the chick, like with the hot dog stuck up or whatever. My friend was telling me that in like juvie, they make you squat and cough, like squat as much as possible and cough.

28:46🔗 Drew You got to try to push out any cocaine packets.

28:49🔗 Adam Yeah. So, in juvenile hole, like, yeah, if you're trying to smuggle a...

28:54🔗 Drew A wiener.

28:56🔗 Adam A derringer in or a file or something. And that's how you get it out. Interesting. All right. So, if she were to squat down and cough...

29:07🔗 Drew Or bear down real hard while she's squatting.

29:08🔗 Caller Yeah, squat down all the way.

29:10🔗 Adam She could cramp on the floor.

29:11🔗 Drew She could cramp, but the hot dog might flat with it.

29:15🔗 Adam Okay. All right.

29:16🔗 Drew So, let's throw down a towel or something.

29:18🔗 Adam Right. Okay.

29:19🔗 Caller Okay. But what I had to say was, I was wondering if Dr. Drew had heard...

29:23🔗 Caller There's this place is called Family Pact.

29:26🔗 Drew Yeah.

29:26🔗 Caller You've heard of it?

29:27🔗 Drew It's in California, though, isn't it?

29:29🔗 Caller I think so. I think so. And it's like... I don't think they focus so much on abortion as, you know, like other places would do, but they do what's called birth control for like teenagers and older people. And it's all for free. And I believe the phone number is 1-888-FAMPAC.

29:47🔗 Drew Yes, there's FAMPAC, yes.

29:49🔗 Adam Yeah. There's also an organization I'd like to talk to. It's a gay youth group. It's called FudgePAC. It's where you... Oh, yeah. That's where I get the big bucks, everybody. All right.

30:04🔗 Caller Okay.

30:05🔗 Adam Yeah. So hold on. This is so folks don't have to get an abortion.

30:11🔗 Caller Well, I'm not really sure if they do abortions or not. I'll have to check. I just heard about it recently.

30:15🔗 Drew I should know more about this because I actually have dealt with this organization and I don't want to speak out of turn of July, re-sort of acquaint myself with the facts about it.

30:26🔗 Adam Rachel, are you a religious person?

30:28🔗 Caller Yeah, I am.

30:29🔗 Adam You know, I'll tell you the thing I appreciate, Rachel, is she takes her sort of theology and mixes it in with a tough street-wise sensibility, like she's talking about this organization that helps young women, maybe turns them on to other options rather than abortion, and she talks about juvie, getting stuff out of the vagina by squatting and blowing your nose. You know what I mean? I like that.

30:55🔗 Drew That's what we've asked people.

30:56🔗 Adam That's what I like.

30:56🔗 Drew We're just asking people to be realistic.

30:58🔗 Adam That's rangy.

31:00🔗 Drew And that's Rachel.

31:01🔗 Adam Yeah, rangy Rachel. That's what I like.

31:03🔗 Drew Rachel would keep up the good work.

31:04🔗 Adam I mean, that's the beauty. See, religious people, a lot of them sit around and say, well, you went to hot dog removed. You sit around and pray on it. No, God wants you to squat and blow your nose. And what the hell you do, cough?

31:16🔗 Drew Blow your nose? Fine.

31:17🔗 Adam Blowing your nose would work.

31:18🔗 Drew Falsalva.

31:19🔗 Adam If you push, what's that Falsalva thing?

31:23🔗 Drew Bear it down. Yeah, it's Falsalva.

31:26🔗 Adam If you hold your nose, shut your mouth and try to blow out, won't something come out of there?

31:32🔗 Drew Or your ear.

31:32🔗 Adam Or your ear? Okay. Well, the hot dog comes out the ear. So be it. Matt?

31:36🔗 Hello?

31:37🔗 Adam You're 13?

31:38🔗 Caller Yeah, what's up, Drew? Adam?

31:39🔗 Drew Hey, Matt.

31:40🔗 Adam Hey, what's up, buddy?

31:43🔗 Caller I think, yeah, I told the lady, I have, I was having a problem urinating. And I don't know if it came from my girlfriend. The burn?

31:53🔗 Drew The burn when you urinate?

31:54🔗 Caller It burns at the tip.

31:56🔗 Drew Yeah. It's funny. We have had the female version of this almost every night for the last, you know, every other night, at least last couple of weeks.

32:03🔗 Adam Right.

32:04🔗 Drew Not a guy. Well, that's urethritis, okay? And often that's an infection, often that's a sexually transmitted disease.

32:11🔗 Adam Well, is he being sexually active?

32:14🔗 Caller Yes.

32:14🔗 Adam You are? Son of a bitch. How old's your girlfriend?

32:18🔗 Caller Twelve.

32:19🔗 Drew Oh.

32:20🔗 Caller She's a freak.

32:22🔗 Adam Hold on. I'm going to squat down so I can blow something out of my vagina.

32:26🔗 Drew Indignation.

32:27🔗 Adam Yeah. Blowing righteous indignation out of my vagina. Hold on. She's twelve, huh? Yeah.

32:35🔗 Drew Let me take care of that one.

32:37🔗 Adam Let me translate the twelve-year-old freak, as you like to call it. Just look at sexual abuse victim.

32:43🔗 Come here and get me out of here.

32:47🔗 Drew Actually, I would predict physical and sexual abuse.

32:49🔗 Adam All right. Where's her daddy?

32:50🔗 Caller Where's my dad?

32:51🔗 Adam Where's her dad?

32:52🔗 Caller Her dad?

32:53🔗 Adam Yeah. In Israel?

32:54🔗 Caller No. They're in New York. They went there for two weeks.

32:57🔗 Adam So she lives with her parents?

33:00🔗 Caller Yeah. They went for just a trip, but that's what they're at now. I mean, he's with them.

33:05🔗 Adam I'm thinking about working at a different angle here. What's her dad? Like a dentist or surgeon or something?

33:10🔗 Caller Actually, she doesn't know what her dad does. I don't either. I had never...

33:17🔗 Adam Chicks don't, but chicks never do that.

33:18🔗 Drew No, no, no. Come on.

33:19🔗 Adam No, they don't.

33:20🔗 Drew Oh, come on.

33:22🔗 Adam I swear to Christ, they screw that up, especially military stuff.

33:27🔗 Drew Yeah, but he even said, I don't know what he does. Let's get the sort of feel, the sort of area where he works. I mean, if he worked on a loading dock somewhere, I can understand.

33:36🔗 Adam You want to know like blue collar, white collar? All right. Matt?

33:41🔗 Drew Yeah?

33:41🔗 Adam Do you have any idea what he does?

33:44🔗 Caller He wears a suit when he goes to work. I know that. That's about it.

33:48🔗 Drew Does he work for a business? He works for a bank?

33:50🔗 Caller I've never asked him that.

33:51🔗 Drew Is he flying an airplane?

33:53🔗 Adam Does he drive a nice car?

33:56🔗 Caller BMW.

33:57🔗 Adam Hey buddy, that's a nice car, you jackass. What are you saying? That's what we drive.

34:02🔗 Drew How dare you?

34:03🔗 Adam How dare you? That's a hmmm. What do you want to drive? Like a Liberace's limousine or something? Son of a bitch. Bye, Matt. Listen, don't get her pregnant.

34:15🔗 Drew Please take care of her.

34:16🔗 Adam Please, please.

34:17🔗 Caller I won't.

34:18🔗 Adam Please.

34:19🔗 Caller I won't. One more thing, the girl with the hot dog stuck in there, I think her brother, I mean, not her brother, that's sick. Her boyfriend could come up with a kinky way to get that out.

34:29🔗 Drew Oh, Matt, you're always thinking. But, Matt, you may, you have an infection. It may just be some irritation, but it is important to get this treated. If it is a sexually transmitted disease, your girlfriend could be at risk of infertility and tubal infections. You could be at risk of complications.

34:43🔗 Adam The 12-year-old is nailing? Yeah.

34:46🔗 Drew Nice, huh?

34:47🔗 Adam What are, what are you in, the fifth, sixth grade?

34:49🔗 Drew What are you had in 12th? 12th, 7th?

34:52🔗 Adam No, wait, hold on, not 8th, not in 8th grade.

34:54🔗 Drew Well, maybe she's just going to go this year. Maybe she'll turn 13. Listen, I turned 13.

34:58🔗 Adam We get into this like once a year.

35:00🔗 Drew I turned 13 like a week from now and then I went to 8th grade.

35:03🔗 Adam All right. Well, wait a second, wait a second. Let me try this.

35:07🔗 Drew You're running the grades down.

35:08🔗 Adam Yes, I have to do this. All right. Then let's say 12, 13, and then 13 to 14. No, that's wrong. I'm off one because it's 14, 15 into the 9th grade. Yeah. All right. So she, what, how old is she? 12. She's more in the 7th. She's 6th or 7th.

35:30🔗 Drew 7th, but she could be about to turn 13 and go to 8th.

35:33🔗 Adam Hold on.

35:33🔗 Drew September's the cutoff, dude.

35:35🔗 Adam I haven't worked this out yet, dude. Let me work this math out here. 13, 14. Now 7th, yeah. What is it? She could be in the 6th grade at 12th.

35:48🔗 Drew She could be.

35:49🔗 Adam Thank you.

35:49🔗 Drew She could also be in the 8th.

35:50🔗 Adam No, she's not going to be in the 8th. She could be in the 6th or the 7th.

35:53🔗 Drew At this date in 1969, whatever the hell it was, I was going into the 8th grade.

36:00🔗 Adam 19 or 1869.

36:01🔗 Drew I was going into the 8th grade.

36:03🔗 Adam Seriously.

36:04🔗 Drew I would have been age 12 going into the 8th grade, turning 13 next week.

36:08🔗 Adam No.

36:08🔗 Drew Yes.

36:09🔗 Adam No. No, I've worked this out. I've worked this out already. I'm sorry.

36:13🔗 Drew I'm going to go backwards with you.

36:14🔗 Adam I'm sorry. Look, we're going to do this.

36:16🔗 Caller We're going to go backwards.

36:17🔗 Drew Here we go.

36:17🔗 Adam All right. Get a fresh sheet. Get a fresh sheet. Start it in senior. Start in 12th grade.

36:22🔗 Drew Thank you. That's what I'm doing.

36:23🔗 Adam 17, 18, 12th grade, right?

36:26🔗 Drew 17.

36:27🔗 Adam Or 18.

36:28🔗 Drew Or 18. 17.

36:29🔗 Adam All right. You were 17. I was 17 too, but I turned 18 at the very end of the year.

36:34🔗 Drew I turned 18 going into college. Just like I could turn 13 going into 8th grade, but right now, I'm 12.

36:41🔗 Adam Let's take a break. We're going to work this out. We're going to come back. We're going to speak to Dan who's 22, hooked up with a 36-year-old friend's mom. Mom's friend. Then we're going to work out this whole great thing after this. Oh, boy. Hey, everybody, Love Line.

37:04🔗 Drew I'm Adam Carolla.

37:05🔗 Adam That's Dr. Drew. Well, we took a leak and argued over the ages and what grade you should be in.

37:11🔗 Drew We stopped arguing once we entered the bathroom, didn't we? That's sort of the great equalizer for us.

37:15🔗 Adam It's our fortress of solitude in there. Yeah.

37:18🔗 Drew You're fine again.

37:19🔗 Adam So anyway, we decide his girlfriend is probably going into the seventh grade.

37:22🔗 Drew Right.

37:23🔗 Adam Son of a bitch. Dan?

37:25🔗 Caller Yeah.

37:26🔗 Adam You're 22?

37:27🔗 Drew Yep.

37:27🔗 Caller That's right.

37:28🔗 Adam What's up?

37:29🔗 Caller How are you doing tonight?

37:30🔗 Adam Good. You're thinking about hooking up the 36-year-old?

37:33🔗 Caller No, actually I already have.

37:34🔗 Adam Already have?

37:35🔗 Caller Yes, I have.

37:36🔗 Adam Friend of your mom's?

37:38🔗 Caller Yeah. I went to high school with her mom. I didn't go to high school with her mom, but I went to high school with her.

37:44🔗 Adam She's 36?

37:45🔗 Drew No, no. The girlfriend. Not a girlfriend-girlfriend.

37:48🔗 Caller I knew her from high school. We were friends.

37:51🔗 Adam That's her daughter.

37:52🔗 Caller Yeah. I was friends with her daughter.

37:54🔗 Adam How did she get a 36-year-old mom?

37:56🔗 Caller How did she have a 36-year-old mom?

37:57🔗 Adam I mean like when you were...

37:59🔗 Drew How could she have a 36-year-old? That's tough.

38:01🔗 Caller She's younger than I am. Her daughter is younger than I am.

38:03🔗 Drew How much younger?

38:05🔗 Caller A few years younger.

38:06🔗 Drew How many years? You were friends in high school. What grade was she in? No, no.

38:10🔗 Caller Her friends are not in high school now.

38:12🔗 Drew You were friends with her in high school. When you were a senior, what grade was she in?

38:15🔗 Caller When I was a senior, she was a junior. She was only a year younger than I was.

38:18🔗 Drew So that would make her mom 14 when she had her?

38:21🔗 Caller 14 or 15. I don't know. I really don't know what age she had her at.

38:26🔗 Drew Nope. This is like the hot dogs again.

38:28🔗 Adam Retards and bad math sounded like us.

38:31🔗 Caller Yeah.

38:33🔗 Adam She was a couple of years younger than me.

38:36🔗 Caller Oh, I don't know.

38:37🔗 Adam How old? Look, she was a grade under you. I think when you're in high school, you know exactly. And you're friends with somebody, the grade over and the grade under. You don't have to sit around and quantify it that way. Oh, let me take. See, here's the thing. There's certain things people don't remember, like what they ate for breakfast. And I'll buy that every time. But there's certain stuff, like when you went to high school, and if a dude was a year older or a year younger or in your grade, where you'll never ever forget that.

39:06🔗 Drew There will always be that person.

39:07🔗 Adam There will always be that person, yeah.

39:09🔗 Drew But this call is always bogus, the hook up with a friend's mom. But let's see where he wants to go with it.

39:14🔗 Adam Well, the reason that's not too bad, though, is it's a chick.

39:20🔗 Drew And it's something that they're not friends anymore.

39:22🔗 Adam Yeah, we're starting to buy it a little bit.

39:25🔗 Caller We've lost contact, but.

39:27🔗 Adam All right.

39:27🔗 Drew Go ahead, so go ahead.

39:28🔗 Adam How did you get to have sex with the mom?

39:31🔗 Caller Well, it's kind of a crazy scenario because after we went to a bar, like me and the daughter went to a bar.

39:38🔗 Drew I thought you lost contact with the girl. You just said you were-

39:41🔗 Caller No, we were still friends. We were still friends after high school. We still hung out every now and again. But then, like one night we went to a bar, all of us went to a bar. And so we met her mom at some bar in Covina.

39:53🔗 Adam How long ago was this?

39:56🔗 Caller This was probably a good year ago. We've been carrying on for over a year.

40:01🔗 Adam So you've lost contact with the daughter in the last year?

40:05🔗 Caller Yeah, but I've been still in contact with the mother.

40:08🔗 Adam All right. She your girlfriend, this mother?

40:10🔗 Caller Like I don't know what I should do because honestly, she's older than I am. And I just don't know how to take her around my friends.

40:19🔗 Drew Wait, Adam, take notes here. Thirty-six is older than twenty-two. You got that? Oh, oh, oh, hold on.

40:25🔗 Adam There was a typo up on the computer. It said you were one hundred and twenty. Yeah. Oh, you're only twenty-two.

40:33🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm only twenty-two.

40:35🔗 Adam Oh, that's weird. I thought you were one, one, two. Oh, yeah.

40:41🔗 Caller One hundred twenty years old. I think I'd be dead.

40:43🔗 Adam I don't know. I don't know. I see. I keep a very open mind. You sounded like a mature gent. That's why I was trying to figure out the high school math, you know, because she would have had, you know, when they were in high school, she would have had to be in her early hundreds, late nineties when she had. So I was a little confused. But you're twenty-two.

41:02🔗 Caller Yeah.

41:02🔗 Adam Okay. And she's thirty-six.

41:04🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

41:05🔗 Adam I see.

41:05🔗 Drew So you went to this bar. What happened?

41:07🔗 Caller Well, after we got back from the bar, we were playing drinking games. The daughter went to sleep. And me and the mom started talking. We were still playing drinking games, just me and her. And it just like led from one thing to another. And we started kissing and making out. And then while her daughter was sleeping in the next room.

41:25🔗 Adam I see. But listen, Dan, you're a twenty-two-year-old man. She's thirty-six. That's not a huge change. Thirty-six-year-old woman is fine. Sexual prime. You know what I mean?

41:35🔗 Drew Yeah.

41:35🔗 Adam Exactly. You like her. I don't know if she likes you. You know, you've been carrying on for a year.

41:41🔗 Drew Far less difference between this woman and him than there would be between him and, say, a seventeen-year-old. Seventeen and twenty-two is a massive age change. Twenty-two and thirty, not that big a difference.

41:51🔗 Adam Well, thirty-six, but...

41:53🔗 Drew It's different, but not massive, not, like, disturbing the way a teenager would look.

41:57🔗 Adam No, but Dan sounds like a fairly young... Was it one-twenty or twenty-two? Yeah. Apparently young twenty-two. Okay, carry on. Look, if you like her, you want to make her your girlfriend, then go ahead and do it. No big deal.

42:10🔗 Drew Agreed.

42:11🔗 Adam I'm trying to think of, you know, that Andy Gibb, one of the younger Bee Gees, he used to go out with that Victoria Principal. No problem. And Burt Reynolds used to go out with Dinah Shore.

42:24🔗 Drew Oh, yeah, that's right.

42:25🔗 Adam Yeah, he was, like, you know, 33, and she was, like, 50 or something.

42:28🔗 Drew Yeah.

42:29🔗 Adam What's up with him, by the way?

42:30🔗 Caller And...

42:31🔗 Drew And...

42:31🔗 Adam I'm looking to that.

42:33🔗 Drew And these women that do this, though, typically are coming off a marriage and don't want a relationship that is really a relationship.

42:39🔗 Adam Well, she sounded a little dicey. She's out with her daughter, putting back some cold ones with their high school mates, you know. April?

42:46🔗 Caller Yeah?

42:47🔗 Adam 22?

42:48🔗 Caller Yes.

42:48🔗 Adam What's up?

42:49🔗 Caller Well, I have a comment for the girl who called about the hot dog.

42:54🔗 Adam Right.

42:56🔗 Caller Well, if... To me, it's a joke, because I know from experience that having something stuck inside you, she wouldn't be laughing about it. She would go to the hospital right away.

43:09🔗 Drew What happened to you?

43:10🔗 Caller Well, I had... I didn't know my boyfriend was throwing it, but he was experimenting with one of the large bouncy balls, and he kind of pushed it in a little too far, and it got stuck.

43:25🔗 Drew You mean like a Super Bowl?

43:27🔗 Caller Yeah.

43:27🔗 Drew Super Bowl.

43:28🔗 Adam Bouncy ball.

43:30🔗 Drew Super Bowl.

43:30🔗 Caller Yeah.

43:31🔗 Drew Good times.

43:31🔗 Adam Yeah.

43:32🔗 Drew Whammo.

43:34🔗 Caller So we had to go to the emergency room.

43:36🔗 Adam How... That's always fun with chicks. How big do you think this ball was?

43:42🔗 Caller Oh, I don't know.

43:46🔗 Adam Listen, if somebody fished something out of me, I could tell you the weight, and I'd say, do you want it in ounces or kilograms? Yeah, you know, you have no idea. You can't tell me how big this ball was.

43:59🔗 Caller It was probably like four inches, between four and six inches in diameter.

44:06🔗 Adam Right. See, this is why chicks can't parallel park. I've said it many times. Women get mad at me when I say that. Between four and six inches, let's say five inches. That's this long. That's taller than that coffee mug. And if it was a ball, it would be bigger than a shot put. You understand? That would be a huge grapefruit. Bigger. A large grapefruit, I'd say, was four and a half, maybe four inches by four inches around. All right. But anyway, how did this guy work? And of course, it's not that big. It's the size of a ping pong ball, it's an inch and a quarter. But how's a guy going to work a grapefruit size ball up her vagina without her knowing it? That's the real question. April?

44:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

44:55🔗 Adam How is it that you didn't notice that grapefruit going up you?

44:59🔗 Caller Well, he had to ask me to close my eyes. You know, I trust him. We've been together for about three years now. And, you know, we're up for trying anything. And I said, okay. And, you know, the next day I know it. But, you know, that's a worried look on his face like something was wrong. And one thing led to another. And I was like, okay, what happened?

45:20🔗 Adam That's a medium sized cantaloupe that you described size wise.

45:25🔗 Caller Right.

45:26🔗 Adam Right.

45:26🔗 Caller Right.

45:27🔗 Drew That's not what he worked in there. He worked something about an intracross, right?

45:32🔗 Adam April.

45:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

45:33🔗 Adam Do you think he could work in a medium sized cantaloupe without you knowing your vaginas, a baby's head, basically without you?

45:42🔗 Caller I knew he was doing something, but I wasn't, you know, like I said, I was up for it, trying anything.

45:48🔗 Adam Do you think it was the size of a cantaloupe, though? A small, medium cantaloupe?

45:53🔗 Caller It was smaller than definitely a cantaloupe.

45:56🔗 Drew Okay. All right.

45:56🔗 Adam That's what we're trying. But you had to go to the emergency room and how did they get it out?

46:02🔗 Caller Basically using like a suction.

46:04🔗 Adam Oh, really?

46:05🔗 Caller Yeah. Interesting. They had to use a suction to get it out.

46:09🔗 Adam And that must have been painful and humiliating all at the same time.

46:13🔗 Caller Yeah. They tried to make it a little funny before they got saying, well, this happens all the time that they've had stranger things.

46:22🔗 Adam Right.

46:22🔗 Drew April, it's true. April, it is true. It is God's truth. You name the object, it goes up the tocus?

46:30🔗 Adam Listen, I had a girlfriend that had this.

46:32🔗 Drew Oh, the human is in such a sad state these days. Isn't it? Not the human condition. Doesn't this say everything about the human condition?

46:38🔗 Adam I had to, one of my girlfriends had to put a leaf blower in her mouth to get this thing out. That's the only way I could create enough pressure inside to shoot that thing out.

46:49🔗 Caller Thank you.

46:52🔗 Adam Five or six inches around. That's why they can't parallel park her. But we're going to take ourselves a break. We'll be right back.

47:01🔗 Hello.

47:02🔗 Caller This is Love Line.

47:13🔗 Adam I have no idea what this is.

47:18🔗 Gorillas. I like this. It's Love Line.

47:21🔗 Adam I'm Adam Corolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. J-More coming in a little bit later on this week. Matthew Lillard will be in here. He's an actor who you'll definitely recognize. Been in all the Scream movies. And well, he's been a bunch of those sort of teen movies. So he's a crazy guy. Slash, speaking of crazy, will be in here on Thursday. Talk about whatever he's got to talk about. There goes Drew's pager. What's up there, Drew? Emergency. Isn't all pages emergencies?

47:51🔗 Drew That's why I have this other thing. So they can actually put in what the deal is.

47:55🔗 Adam What do you got there? An emergency at the hospital?

47:57🔗 Drew It didn't go and it's not the one that went off.

47:59🔗 Adam So what's the other one mean? I don't know.

48:00🔗 Drew It's got something wrong.

48:01🔗 Adam It'll bug Drew too. It'll really get freaky.

48:03🔗 Drew You want me to take care of it?

48:05🔗 Adam No. Not me. That stuff doesn't bother me.

48:10🔗 Drew You have no soul.

48:11🔗 Adam Well, I mean, you're supposed to call the hospital now? Is that what it is? All right, well go do it now because we're just starting this thing and you'll freak out. It will never go 18 minutes, but lay, Drew. Yell at the person if it's not an emergency. Please start training people. Drew is such a puss with that stuff. You can train people. You really can. You yell at them, then they don't want to page you next time. Eventually, everyone stops talking to you. It's great. Dan?

48:44🔗 Caller Yeah.

48:44🔗 Adam You're 24?

48:45🔗 Caller Yeah.

48:47🔗 Adam You want to know what the treatments are for anorexia?

48:50🔗 Caller Actually, I've been with this girl for a little over a year right now. I believe she's dealing with bulimia at the time. She's telling me she's bouncing back and forth. I don't think that's true. I think she's just dealing with bulimia.

49:05🔗 Adam Hold on a second.

49:06🔗 Caller Okay.

49:07🔗 Adam Let me fill Drew in. Drew? Dan over here is 24. His girlfriend is the other half of that hot dog stuck up her couch. Fiance, sorry. That's I. Remember the one had the one half in the vagina? The other half? Yeah, she got the other half in the vagina once you held her. Wow. She's at... Did you call the hospital? Drew, you called the hospital? Yeah, everything good. Did you yell at them a little bit? A little bit. Just enough to make them think for a beat before they pick up the phone next time. So he thinks his girlfriend is anorexic and or bulimic, right?

49:36🔗 Caller No, I know she is.

49:37🔗 Adam You know she is. And how do you know?

49:40🔗 Caller Because she's told me she's been dealing with it for the past seven, almost eight years now.

49:45🔗 Drew How does the hot dog figure out this?

49:47🔗 Adam She won't eat hot dogs. If she does, she'll throw them up.

49:49🔗 Caller No, she doesn't eat meat at all. She eats salad, rice.

49:53🔗 Drew So she's bulimic, right?

49:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

49:55🔗 Drew And what's the question?

49:56🔗 Caller Actually, I'm concerned with her pill-taking habits. She's addicted to so many different kinds of pills.

50:02🔗 Drew So you have an addict with an eating disorder.

50:04🔗 Adam Well, what pills? What kind of pills?

50:06🔗 Caller Like laxative pills, like Marburn pills. She takes aspirin all the time, ibuprofen.

50:12🔗 Adam Okay. Now, Drew, that's not really an addict. That's really, she's treating the symptoms of her anorexia, basically.

50:19🔗 Drew That's just desperate sort of acting out, trying to...

50:21🔗 Caller Well, basically, she's telling me that, like laxatives, maybe four times a day.

50:26🔗 Drew All right. So far, you're just describing bulimia. And you're describing bulimia that is made particularly dangerous by the use of the non-steroidal anti-inflammatories and the laxative abuse. Yeah.

50:36🔗 Caller She's telling me she's taking like 15...

50:37🔗 Drew All right. All right.

50:38🔗 Adam Hey, Dan.

50:39🔗 Drew Yeah, it's bulimia.

50:40🔗 Caller Okay.

50:40🔗 Adam Dan, let me give you a couple of words of wisdom here. You're 24.

50:44🔗 Caller Right.

50:45🔗 Adam How old is she? 23. Slow down with the marriage plans just a little bit.

50:51🔗 Caller Oh, we're... No, I'm about to go to school. You know, she's in a different city.

50:55🔗 Adam I know you're engaged, but she has some hurdles to clear.

51:00🔗 Caller I understand.

51:00🔗 Adam And there's something driving this anorexia and bulimia. I mean, she may stop that or she may get that under control, but then there's more work to be done. You understand?

51:09🔗 Caller Right.

51:10🔗 Drew But right now she has a life-threatening problem.

51:13🔗 Caller Yeah, like a long-term effect type, you know, the hill taking...

51:16🔗 Drew Has she been treated before for bulimia?

51:18🔗 Caller No, not at all.

51:19🔗 Drew It is time. That's all you can do is get her to treatment. You cannot change one shred of her disease other than getting her to treatment.

51:26🔗 Caller Right. Is there any kind of free type of treatments or do you have to go to like, you have to check yourself into a hospital?

51:31🔗 Drew There... It sounds like she may be best served in a structured environment like an inpatient program but certainly there are plenty of outpatient programs. Free? That's hard to come by.

51:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

51:41🔗 Adam How's her weight?

51:43🔗 Caller She's probably... She bounces between like 92 and like 105.

51:49🔗 Adam And how tall is she?

51:50🔗 Caller About 5'1 and 3 quarters, 5'2, I don't know. Real close right there.

51:55🔗 Adam Alright.

51:56🔗 Drew Baleamic, okay? And the weight is not so much the issue with Baleamia but I would check...

52:00🔗 Adam No, just out of curiosity.

52:01🔗 Drew There are, you know, there are several universities in Cincinnati where you live.

52:04🔗 Adam Well, but where is she at?

52:06🔗 Caller She's in Columbus, actually.

52:08🔗 Adam Alright.

52:08🔗 Drew In Ohio State, right?

52:09🔗 Adam Perfect.

52:10🔗 Caller Yeah, that's where I'm about to go.

52:11🔗 Drew And check, you know, call the University Hospital, Universal Health Care Systems, whatever they've got there. See if there's anything available for sort of cut rate or free services, people training, working on.

52:22🔗 Adam Listen, everybody, we, a lot of people don't have insurance. A lot of people don't have a family doctor or medical plan. But almost everyone who's listening to us has a major university within driving distance and we're there. And this is, you ever heard of Barber College? I used to go to Barber College and get my hair cut because it was free.

52:39🔗 Drew That's right.

52:39🔗 Adam Or if it wasn't free, it was super cheap, which had a bunch of inexperienced yet eager and well-trained people.

52:47🔗 Drew Well supervised usually.

52:48🔗 Adam Well supervised to take care of you and they're just looking for dues to screw up.

52:52🔗 Drew No, that's a good way of thinking about this nice bulimic lady. But yeah, that there are fine teaching programs out there that you can have access to for nothing. And the county facilities are often that way too.

53:04🔗 Adam Let me tell you with the Corollas were geniuses at saving a buck. But wasting a month, you know what I mean?

53:15🔗 Drew Yeah, time and you were no object in the equation.

53:19🔗 Adam Right, when you're poor, your time is worth nothing. So an example of that is every year for Christmas, although one year, I swear to Christ, Christmas tree, front branch from a pine tree in the front yard, like Charlie Brown, actually cut the branch down and leaned it up against the wall and decorated a goddamn pine tree branch. That's going to be exhibit A, by the way, when I sue my family. I'm waiting for them to hit the lottery. Right now, they don't have anything. But drive down to, drive down to LA, go down to the train tracks down there in the center of town, down to downtown LA. Get the Christmas trees from the wholesaler coming off the, you know, you got to pull it off the train yourself and strap it on to the part of the fun and the groove of the spirit. No, it wasn't. Could have gone across the street to the Gelsons or the lucky supermarket and for 19 bucks got a treat. But we were going to get the one for $12.50, except for you had to take, you know, you had to kill a day getting the goddamn thing. Same thing with the barber college. We used to go to a barber college. It was, it was a three hour haircut. I mean, you sat there forever because the guy would make three snips. Then his instructor would have to come by and take a look. His instructor would go somewhere else. The guy would make three more snips. He'd come back again. The place was like in Hollywood or something. He had to drive over the hill. It was, it was a two and a half hour undertaking to get essentially a four dollar haircut for free. But your time is worth nothing. And money is the only thing that's worth anything. But what these idiots never realize is, look, you could take your time and theoretically convert it into more than that four dollars. You understand? Maybe eight dollars perhaps.

54:56🔗 Drew Doing anything. Mowing lawns.

54:58🔗 Adam Stringing beads like a blind person.

55:00🔗 Drew Doesn't that say something about the stupidity of my family? The lazy.

55:05🔗 Adam Well, it's hard to call them lazy because they end up burning more calories and getting less.

55:11🔗 Drew You're right. You're right. It's stupidity.

55:14🔗 Adam You know what I mean? I mean, I used to do that, too.

55:16🔗 Drew It was quite a hassle. Quite an effort.

55:17🔗 Adam The starter goes out in the car. You know, the white trash guy heads down to the auto parts, no, the pick apart place, slides under his car, brings his own tools, pulls the starter off the salvage yard place, trucks it back to his place, hooks it up and finds out the starter was bad, then has to bring it back, then has to, you know, order one. Meanwhile, the same guy would have paid 100 bucks and just had a garage put it in. So who's, who's lazy though? You know what I mean? It's not stupid. I mean, it's not lazy. It's stupid.

55:48🔗 Drew Yeah.

55:48🔗 Adam Mules aren't, mules aren't lazy.

55:50🔗 Drew Yeah, you're right.

55:51🔗 Adam They're stupid. Thank you. Hope the family's listening. Not sure if they can afford a radio. Claudia?

55:58🔗 Caller Yeah, this is me.

55:59🔗 Adam I think they borrowed their neighbor's AM. You're 18. What's up?

56:03🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, I've been dating a lot of inexperienced guys and it seems that they're making me rather unhappy in bed. Meaning, well, for one, they usually tend to have small penises. For two.

56:19🔗 Adam Which, which guys do in general?

56:22🔗 Caller The guys I've been dating, all the guys I've been dating, had really small penises.

56:27🔗 Adam Uh-huh. So maybe you're just having a bad run.

56:31🔗 Caller Maybe. But you see, they also aren't even minute men. They're like second men.

56:36🔗 Adam Right.

56:37🔗 Caller My last boyfriend, he just put it in. He didn't do anything with it. He just put it in. Ten seconds later, he's like, okay, I'm done. And he got up.

56:46🔗 Adam Yeah. These guys would work well in the wild maybe a couple thousand years ago. Sure.

56:52🔗 Drew That's how the seed would get spread.

56:53🔗 Adam That's right. You didn't have time.

56:54🔗 Drew You'd be tracking.

56:55🔗 Adam You could only hold the chick down for so long. Yeah. It reminds me of animals mating where the thing just, the phallus just goes in, shoots the sperm and then pulls out and swims away before the male, the female squid, you know, devours it. All right. So they just put it in and put the seed in and get out. Fine.

57:13🔗 Caller Yeah. It's like, and then he's like, he's a virgin. He's like, I'm glad I shared that moment with you. And what am I supposed to say after that? Okay. That was nothing.

57:23🔗 Adam Keep your money.

57:25🔗 Caller Because I've only had sex with two people and both of them had penises smaller than four inches. Technically, I'm still a virgin because my hymen hasn't been broken.

57:34🔗 Adam Really?

57:35🔗 Caller Yes.

57:35🔗 Adam Is your hymen that far up?

57:38🔗 Caller Well, I'm talking, it's at least three inches and it might not even...

57:42🔗 Adam Hold on a second. These poor guys, the other virgins, they're like all nervous and sweaty. They're like, penny for your thoughts. She's like, listen, limbo. Yeah.

57:51🔗 Drew I'm glad I shared this moment with you. Get the F off me.

57:54🔗 Adam What moment? Were you in me? I didn't notice.

57:57🔗 Caller Awful.

57:59🔗 Drew So hateful.

58:00🔗 Adam Claudia.

58:01🔗 Drew All right.

58:01🔗 Adam Well, you sound...

58:02🔗 Caller How do I confront them?

58:04🔗 Adam Well, OK. Hold on a second. The old boyfriend you don't have anymore, right? Wait a minute. Say no. Say no, and then we'll move on, right? You don't have him anymore?

58:15🔗 Caller No, but I have a new boyfriend.

58:17🔗 Adam OK. How did you get rid of the old boyfriend?

58:21🔗 Caller Well, I was kind of talking to my friend, and my friend told him, and...

58:27🔗 Drew That you were cheating or what?

58:28🔗 Caller No, that I... I told my friend that he had a small penis, so he broke up with me.

58:33🔗 Adam All right. So you got rid of him.

58:35🔗 Caller That's why I'm afraid to say something to my new boyfriend.

58:38🔗 Adam No, you have a new boyfriend. And beside his penis, how is he? Is he a human being?

58:45🔗 Caller Well, he's a great person, but if he's bad in bed, I want to be able to say something to him. So he doesn't get mad, but so maybe he can improve.

58:55🔗 Adam Somehow to say something. The right sentence to make his penis grow is what you're looking for.

59:02🔗 Drew Magic wand? Do we still have that?

59:04🔗 Caller Just how to tell him to not just put it in, but to do something with it.

59:08🔗 Drew Do we have the magic wand?

59:09🔗 Adam I understand. So listen, you've only had sex with two guys though, right?

59:16🔗 Drew All right, Claudia, I'm sort of softening to her, because at first I thought, my God, what a heartless person. I mean, really no concern about... Now she has said...

59:26🔗 Caller Yeah, I feel bad. That's why I want to know how to talk to him.

59:29🔗 Drew It's not that you are feeling disdainful of their anatomy. You're just trying to figure out a way to talk to him, to help him understand what you need.

59:38🔗 Adam Well, there is an element of her hating his small penis.

59:41🔗 Drew Yeah.

59:42🔗 Caller It's not just that.

59:43🔗 Caller He doesn't know what to do with it.

59:44🔗 Caller He took it in, came, and he was done. That's it.

59:47🔗 Adam Okay. Does he give you any oral sex?

59:50🔗 Caller No. He doesn't get down like that.

59:54🔗 Drew That would be the place to start.

59:56🔗 Adam Do you give him oral sex?

59:58🔗 Caller Yes.

59:58🔗 Adam You do? And he does not return the favor?

1:00:02🔗 Caller No. He doesn't, I quote, get down like that.

1:00:05🔗 Drew He says that to you?

1:00:06🔗 Caller Yes.

1:00:07🔗 Drew Well, maybe, you know, that's sort of a...

1:00:09🔗 Adam Is he black?

1:00:11🔗 Caller No. No.

1:00:13🔗 Adam What's his nationality?

1:00:15🔗 Caller He's white.

1:00:16🔗 Adam No, there's only, really? White guy won't go down. A disgrace to the race. Claudia, if you got a boyfriend who says he doesn't get down like that after you give him oral sex, he ain't a keeper.

1:00:30🔗 Drew Maybe that's why you're so angry. Maybe it's just the way he's treating you.

1:00:34🔗 Caller That's not the new boyfriend. That was the other boyfriend. This boyfriend is really good, but...

1:00:39🔗 Caller Shut up.

1:00:42🔗 Adam Do you have a 10-minute conversation about the ex when we think we're talking about the present? He doesn't do this. Well, why don't you tell him to go down? Well, he won't do that. Well, if he's not going to do it, you should dump him. Already did. We're talking about a guy. Talking about a guy I dated four years ago. Oh, forget it. You're angry. Don't get pregnant. Who cares?

1:01:10🔗 Drew She does need the skill to be able to ask for what she needs. This guy is sort of an a-hole. They kind of deserve each other.

1:01:15🔗 Adam Well, we don't know if the new guy goes down on her or not. Do we want to find out?

1:01:20🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:01:21🔗 Adam How do we know she's not talking hypothetically about a future boyfriend that we're not aware of? Five. Listen, goofball, does this boyfriend go down or not?

1:01:34🔗 Caller Well, he tried, but he didn't know what he was doing.

1:01:37🔗 Adam All right, so he's inexperienced.

1:01:39🔗 Drew Maybe that isn't his fault.

1:01:41🔗 Caller I don't want to tell him that.

1:01:42🔗 Caller I told him, okay, that's good, but I don't want to hurt his feelings.

1:01:47🔗 Adam Okay, but listen, you're angry at the guy. Seems like you're angry at a lot of men. Where's your dad?

1:01:53🔗 Caller I'm frustrated.

1:01:54🔗 Adam Where's your dad?

1:01:55🔗 Caller I haven't seen him until I was younger.

1:01:57🔗 Adam Yeah, all right, there you go. Listen, you're angry at your dad, not all men, your dad. You understand? Where's my urban? They all don't represent, they all don't, look, look.

1:02:06🔗 Drew We aren't all your dad.

1:02:07🔗 Adam Here's what I'm saying, Claudia. If you got bit by a dog when you were five, all dogs you see are not that dog. That's the dog that bit you who ain't even living in the same city as you are anymore. You understand?

1:02:19🔗 Caller That would explain my fear of cats.

1:02:22🔗 Adam Okay, listen screwball, don't get pregnant, okay? Don't get pregnant. Don't get pregnant.

1:02:27🔗 Caller Well, how do I tell you?

1:02:28🔗 Adam Don't get pregnant and stop being so goddamn angry. You're angry at your dad.

1:02:33🔗 Drew That's why you can't tell.

1:02:33🔗 Adam These poor guys come along with this small penis and bad oral skills and they're scared assless of Claudia. They don't know what to say.

1:02:40🔗 Drew That's right.

1:02:41🔗 Adam And they have no power. She knows all the power.

1:02:43🔗 Drew If she speaks up at all, it'll be from a rageful place that won't come out right. She's just saying, hey, this big big...

1:02:49🔗 Adam Yeah, you want this guy to perform better in bed, give him a chance. Talk to him about it.

1:02:54🔗 Drew Oh yeah, he'd be happy. He'd be happy to be instructed. Guys are like animals that way. They don't want to crap on the carpet all the time.

1:03:00🔗 Adam Dave?

1:03:01🔗 Drew Very happy.

1:03:01🔗 Adam Now listen, this poor guy, she's angry. That's Claudia. Angry at dad. Go talk to dad. Dave?

1:03:08🔗 Hey, what's up?

1:03:09🔗 Adam You're 20.

1:03:09🔗 Caller Yup.

1:03:10🔗 Adam What's up?

1:03:11🔗 Caller I threw a party about a week ago and like I passed out about around 11 o'clock or so. And I found out the next day that this chick got tagged by two guys and like she was claiming it was rape later. I don't know if it was because she was pretty wasted. But apparently there was a big scene and they disappeared and I haven't seen her like since it happened. And I'm trying to figure out if I should, you know, talk to people about it and like, you know, try to, you know, go find the guys who did it or what?

1:03:37🔗 Adam Whose party was it?

1:03:38🔗 Caller My party.

1:03:39🔗 Adam Was that your house?

1:03:40🔗 Drew My apartment. And who's the girl?

1:03:41🔗 Adam Your apartment. And you passed out early.

1:03:43🔗 Caller Well, I've been up for a couple of days.

1:03:46🔗 Adam I see. What? Doing speed?

1:03:48🔗 Caller No, acid.

1:03:49🔗 Adam Oh, acid.

1:03:50🔗 Caller Yeah. And she was on it for the first time. That's why I feel really bad about it.

1:03:53🔗 Adam Was this a friend of yours?

1:03:55🔗 Caller Well, it was this. I'd met her boyfriend at a rave and we were hanging out and he's all, Hey, is it cool if my girlfriend kicks it at your guy's apartment for the weekend? I'm going camping. I'm all, sure. Why not? Whoa.

1:04:06🔗 Drew To drop her off somewhere.

1:04:07🔗 Caller And hanging out with, you know, me, my girlfriend and our roommates and everything. And then I went down.

1:04:12🔗 Adam Well, look, have the cops been involved yet?

1:04:14🔗 Caller No, she didn't want to. She was like, I didn't talk to her, you know, since. But like from what they said, she didn't want.

1:04:18🔗 Drew Well, that that fact suggests that this isn't the first time this has happened.

1:04:22🔗 Caller Well, no, she said when she started drinking, she was like, you know, when I get drunk, I get crazy, please don't do anything with me.

1:04:27🔗 Drew Yeah, this has happened before. And?

1:04:29🔗 Caller I woke up and somebody put my sword through the wall and like, apparently she went and tried to kill herself with a butcher knife. My roommate took it away and went after the guys and like, crazy. Whoops, sorry.

1:04:38🔗 Adam Yeah, that's all right.

1:04:38🔗 Drew That's all right. It was crazy.

1:04:41🔗 Caller All right.

1:04:41🔗 Adam All right, Dave. Yeah.

1:04:44🔗 Drew This is a very disturbed person.

1:04:45🔗 Adam Don't don't hang out with drug addicts and don't pass out before they do. That's the key.

1:04:51🔗 Caller Well, that wasn't the plan I get like, you know, I figured the only way I was going to, you know, fall asleep and make it to work is if I, you know, got drunk and passed out and I did and they tried to wake me up, but I didn't wake up.

1:05:00🔗 Adam You didn't go to work?

1:05:01🔗 Caller No, I made it to work. You know, the next day.

1:05:02🔗 Adam I didn't wake you up that day.

1:05:04🔗 Drew Just for laughs. What do you do for living?

1:05:06🔗 Adam Works with kids.

1:05:07🔗 Caller Yeah, ride a school bus. No, I work with computers to do like, document conversion.

1:05:13🔗 Adam Okay.

1:05:13🔗 Drew I feel better.

1:05:14🔗 Adam Hey, Dave.

1:05:15🔗 Caller What's that?

1:05:15🔗 Adam Listen, I hung out with a lot of guys just like this, maybe bigger, more screwed up.

1:05:19🔗 Caller Well, see, and that's the problem.

1:05:20🔗 Caller Like, friends of mine up to this point, and I don't even know like if they knew they were doing it.

1:05:24🔗 Adam I know, but.

1:05:24🔗 Caller They thought she was going along, but I guess like afterwards, like one of my buddies I've seen since then, and he apologized for the whole thing, and the other guy, I only saw once like really quickly, and he's all, you know, something like, bitch gives good head, and I got all pissed off, and then, you know, he took off, and I haven't seen him since.

1:05:38🔗 Adam Okay, here's the deal. People do a lot of effed up stuff when they're really loaded. Really loaded makes them do a lot of effed up stuff, and if you surround yourself with those people, get loaded and pass out first, and by the way, when you pass out first in front of those guys, it's like being the last piece of pizza at a Super Bowl party with about 10 drunken, fat Green Bay Packers sitting on a sofa. It's like you just sit there, they just stare on you, and eventually they're gonna fight over you and eat you. That's how it works. You cannot pass out first. I've made this mistake many a time.

1:06:12🔗 Drew But the fact that she didn't report to the police suggests this is not the first time that she's used to abuse.

1:06:17🔗 Adam He barely knows her and she's gone. Listen, just slow it down with the drug addict friends. And don't make your place the party place. That's the other pain in the ass. Man, I mean, I used to have to get people out of my apartment when I was 19 or 20. I had to actually lift the apartment up and tip it over and shake it to get people out of there. Thanks for spitting in my face, Dr. Drew.

1:06:36🔗 Drew You take it like a rug and shake it out?

1:06:39🔗 Adam I swear to Christ. It was really hard to get people out of there. And actually, you know, all right, I didn't want to get into it. It's bringing back bad memories. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody, Love Line. I'm Adam. It's Dr. Drew over there. 1-800-LOVE-191. Let's hop to the phones and speak to Matt, who's 21. Matt.

1:07:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:07:15🔗 Adam What's up, Matt?

1:07:16🔗 Caller Just a quick question for Dr. Drew there. I got a molluscum from a chick about a year and a half ago.

1:07:22🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:07:23🔗 Caller I went to the doctor and everything, got them burned off as good as possible. There was one lingering left, so obviously that one spread. But there's like six left. Two of them are kind of in and out, but the four are right on the shaft and they won't go away. My doctor said they'll eventually go away, but there's no end in sight here. Are they willing to ever go away?

1:07:46🔗 Drew Did you see a dermatologist?

1:07:49🔗 Caller No. I mean, it was a general practitioner.

1:07:51🔗 Drew You got to go see a dermatologist.

1:07:53🔗 Caller What can he do?

1:07:54🔗 Drew Well, first of all, have different techniques to get rid of them, so they actually can get it off you. Secondly, I think they're using some of the anti-wort creams now.

1:08:04🔗 Adam It's that molluscum contagiosus.

1:08:06🔗 Drew Yeah, contagiosum. Aldera is something that is used now for warts, and it could possibly be used in this thing too, but you need to talk to somebody who really deals with the skin all the time.

1:08:15🔗 Adam Drew, how important is the contagiosum part of that equation?

1:08:20🔗 Drew You know, the question is not important, is it just part of the name, but who came up with that? How about just molluscum?

1:08:27🔗 Adam Are there other diseases named molluscum that it's competing with? Non-contagious forms? That's my whole point. It's like coming out with a movie and saying the sequel or the second before the first one comes out. It doesn't make sense. Just name it what you're going to name it. You don't need the contagiosum part.

1:08:48🔗 Drew It would be like a scary movie, the movie.

1:08:52🔗 Adam Well, it's a sexually transmitted disease, right? Or does it fall under that heading? And it's contagious just like all the rest of them are? I mean, it probably has a million diseases to compete with.

1:09:02🔗 Drew Yes, we should call it, we should say gonorrhea contagiosum, syphilis contagiosum.

1:09:07🔗 Adam Let's just call it, yeah, molluscum. That's enough. All right. Jen?

1:09:12🔗 Yeah.

1:09:13🔗 Adam You're 22.

1:09:15🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

1:09:16🔗 Adam What's happening?

1:09:16🔗 Caller Adam, I just wanted to thank you for turning my husband onto Minka or Minka or whatever.

1:09:21🔗 Drew Oh, boy.

1:09:22🔗 Adam Minka?

1:09:23🔗 Caller Thank you.

1:09:23🔗 Adam Number one Asian big boob queen.

1:09:25🔗 Drew Number one Asian big boob queen.

1:09:28🔗 Caller Anyway, my question is, I moved to Seattle when I was 19.

1:09:31🔗 Adam Hold on a second. I'm not done with Minka. You know, she used to be on the professional tennis circuit, but now with those big jugs.

1:09:41🔗 Caller Don't play tennis no more.

1:09:45🔗 Adam She's a dynamite, dynamite lady.

1:09:47🔗 Caller Salt in the wound. Thank you.

1:09:49🔗 Adam He's number one. Minka's number one.

1:09:53🔗 Drew Number one.

1:09:55🔗 Adam Did your husband start looking on websites and stuff?

1:09:57🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. And now he wants to order videos.

1:09:59🔗 Drew Oh, well, at least he's including you in his joy. Yeah.

1:10:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:10:02🔗 Drew That's very kind of him.

1:10:04🔗 Adam Well, look, every man's got to have a passion.

1:10:08🔗 Drew Oh.

1:10:10🔗 Adam Yeah, I never thought of it that way. Look at it this way. There's probably some other guy jacking off to you somewhere that you don't know about.

1:10:16🔗 Caller That's great.

1:10:16🔗 Adam See, that's called the circle of life. That's called the circle of jerk.

1:10:21🔗 Caller Thank you.

1:10:22🔗 Adam All right.

1:10:22🔗 Caller Good time.

1:10:24🔗 Adam So, are you a little PO that your husband is?

1:10:28🔗 Caller No, I don't mind. Because we're both on Paxil, so we have no sex drive, so it gets him to leave me alone.

1:10:34🔗 Adam Wait a minute.

1:10:35🔗 Drew Why don't you look at the Sarazona, well, Buton or something like that.

1:10:37🔗 Adam Hold on a second. If he has no sex drive, why does he have to leave you alone?

1:10:41🔗 Caller Because we both have no sex drive.

1:10:43🔗 Drew Because, you know why? Because for women, when they get this SRI shut down, it's really a shutdown. Sex is like, ew, it's like the youth.

1:10:51🔗 Adam I'm just saying, if he has no sex drive, why do you have to shoo him away?

1:10:54🔗 Drew He still has a tiny bit, she has like zero.

1:10:58🔗 Adam Seems like he's doing all right if he's coming at you. How often does he come at you?

1:11:04🔗 Caller Once a week.

1:11:05🔗 Adam Really?

1:11:05🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:11:06🔗 Adam And what's he do? Like he says, here, stuff this pillow under your sweater and I've got some tape, I'm going to tape your eyes back. Hold still.

1:11:16🔗 Caller All right.

1:11:17🔗 Adam So now, so what's the question then?

1:11:20🔗 Caller So I moved to Seattle when I was 19.

1:11:22🔗 Caller Right.

1:11:22🔗 Caller From living in Missouri and for 19 years with my parents and fell into a pretty bad group where I became addicted to cocaine. And after quitting for, after about a year, my husband says that I twitch in my sleep, like twitch and jump, and also that I talk a lot.

1:11:44🔗 Drew Mostly your legs jumping around or?

1:11:46🔗 Caller Yeah. Pretty much my whole body. It wakes me up.

1:11:50🔗 Drew It could be the Paxil, too, you know.

1:11:52🔗 Caller Oh.

1:11:53🔗 Drew And anyway...

1:11:54🔗 Caller Does that have anything to do with the cocaine?

1:11:57🔗 Drew Usually, people who do a lot of cocaine will get restless leg, which really what this is are limb movement disorder during sleep. And usually that goes away within a few weeks, if not six months, at the absolute outside, in my experience. At least they're not complaining. At least they're not complaining about it after that. Now, if you're on Paxil, that might make it worse, I suppose. And are you exercising a lot, or doing anything, training or anything like that?

1:12:21🔗 Caller Um, no, not really.

1:12:22🔗 Drew And do you have any other medical problems, any other medications you take?

1:12:25🔗 Caller Um, just the birth control pill.

1:12:27🔗 Drew Yeah, it would be worthwhile you getting this treated, because these kinds of sleep movement disorders can really disturb your sleep, although you're maybe sort of seeing sleep through the night, the kind of sleep you get is not normal.

1:12:36🔗 Adam You got any kids?

1:12:37🔗 Caller No.

1:12:38🔗 Adam Good.

1:12:39🔗 Caller Very good.

1:12:40🔗 Adam Yeah. Tell him, tell your husband that...

1:12:43🔗 Caller He's listening, so tell him.

1:12:44🔗 Adam Oh, he is, yeah. What's his name?

1:12:46🔗 Caller Craig.

1:12:47🔗 Adam Craig.

1:12:47🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:12:48🔗 Adam That's a good guy, a guy's name, that's a regular guy's name. Hey, Craigster, I think there's one called like Mount Fuji, or Madame Butterfly, Mount Fuji or something. It's a Minka thing. That's a video you want to get. You're done with it.

1:13:03🔗 Drew No, I'm really not done with it.

1:13:05🔗 Adam Tell her to see somebody.

1:13:06🔗 Drew Jen, Jen, a couple of things. Okay. There are other antidepressants that will be as effective as Paxil, probably without causing the sexual dysfunction. Serizone, Welbutrin, Remeron. Talk to your doctor about that.

1:13:18🔗 Caller A.

1:13:18🔗 Caller I'm trying to quit smoking also, so I take a XiBan.

1:13:21🔗 Drew Well, you've been taking XiBan on top of that?

1:13:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:13:23🔗 Adam Well, that's Welbutrin, isn't it?

1:13:24🔗 Drew Yeah, that's Welbutrin. Now, that can cause a lot of disturbance of sleep also, and for sure like movement stuff sometimes. So Paxil and XiBan, I mean, who's prescribing all this stuff? You need to see a psychiatrist. All right. And secondly, you're not doing cocaine, but you're not in recovery?

1:13:42🔗 Caller No. No, I quit cold turkey.

1:13:44🔗 Drew Yeah, but you are drinking, you're smoking a little pot, that kind of thing, right?

1:13:48🔗 Caller No, I don't smoke pot.

1:13:49🔗 Drew You're drinking then?

1:13:51🔗 Adam Let me talk to Craig for a minute. If you're going to beat off, use a water-based lubricant, something that's not too viscous. Well, he's talking to you. I'd like to talk to Craig.

1:14:01🔗 Drew Jen, your alcoholism is going to take off now, and that causes also sleep disturbances of what you're talking about. Okay. So, your overall addictive disease is unchecked, and that needs to be treated. I suspect if that actually goes into remission, you get off some of these medicines, the leg movement thing will go away. Rather than going on to the cinnaments, the Mirapaxes, or these things that actually treat that.

1:14:20🔗 Adam Right.

1:14:21🔗 Drew There you go.

1:14:23🔗 Adam You know what I love about the porn industry? It's like, it's the last, well, I don't want to call it legitimate, but here's what I'm saying. It's one of the last bastions of sort of large scale racism that goes unknown. You know, like Minka, Minka is Korean, but that doesn't translate well in the porn industry, so they made her Japanese.

1:14:47🔗 Drew Is that right? That's why she's Madame Butterfly, right? Right.

1:14:50🔗 Adam And yeah, and it's like, you know, Mr. Fuji slips the Mooshu Pork to Madame Butterfly. You know, it's really racist. I mean, it's like, if it was, if you were talking about blackporns, you'd be talking about fried chicken and watermelon and stuff, and that goes on in porn and no one cares, because it's like, what are you going to do? Upset their delicate sensibilities? You know, there's a ton of that. I mean, all the Minka stuff is all, it's all Asian. I mean, it's got some good stuff in the top.

1:15:20🔗 Drew No, no kimchi anywhere.

1:15:22🔗 Adam Let me explain the porn connoisseur. Here are your nationalities. You got your white, then that's like American. You got the American, then you got like your Swedish porn, and then there's Japanese. But all, you know, all the Koreans and Chinese and Vietnamese and stuff, that doesn't really exist. If you're dark skinned and you're not black, you're Japanese. You got to kind of pick. Well, it's like wrestling. It's like professional wrestling. If a guy was Vietnamese or, you know, had, he was a mutt or something, he'd pick a strong country, and that would be it. If a guy, if a guy was a Hungarian, he'd be a Russian.

1:16:04🔗 Drew Right, right. It has to evoke some story.

1:16:08🔗 Adam Right, right. You got to wave a flag around that you know about.

1:16:12🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:16:12🔗 Adam All right.

1:16:13🔗 Caller Well, no, we won't.

1:16:14🔗 Drew No, no, no.

1:16:15🔗 Adam Take a break. Come on, dude. No, we got to keep rolling along. Ann? Hi. Hey, is this show ever going to end? I've been talking for like the last hour and a half.

1:16:23🔗 Drew Yeah, you have been talking. Probably because the show has been running on.

1:16:29🔗 Adam Oh, come on. Don't get around. Don't get around. I'm already in the car. Go ahead, Ann. You're 18.

1:16:35🔗 Caller Yeah. I'm pregnant and I told the guy, who's my ex-boyfriend, and he kind of cut off contact with me, and he's in contact with me now, and we were recently in a car crash, and I kind of, he, the guy we were in the crash with wants us to sign these like forms saying that we won't like sue him or something if we find out there's injuries later from the crash that...

1:17:08🔗 Drew You're asking us whether or not to sign these forms?

1:17:10🔗 Caller Yeah, because the guy...

1:17:11🔗 Drew Listen, that's a legal question. We cannot answer that for you.

1:17:14🔗 Caller I can't. No, I was wondering if I should tell the... All right, the guy, my ex totally freaked out and like did this entire thing where he actually wanted me to sleep with someone else so they could say it wasn't his.

1:17:29🔗 Drew Somehow that would inject his genetics into the baby that's developing.

1:17:32🔗 Caller So he just assumed that I miscarried when he started talking to me again, because I didn't mention it to him because it just...

1:17:37🔗 Adam All right, hold on, hold on. Let me break this down. How pregnant are you?

1:17:42🔗 Caller Around five months.

1:17:44🔗 Adam Around five months. And how old is your boyfriend?

1:17:49🔗 Caller Eighteen.

1:17:50🔗 Adam And you got in a car accident with who?

1:17:52🔗 Caller Him.

1:17:53🔗 Adam Was he driving?

1:17:54🔗 Caller Yes.

1:17:55🔗 Adam And whose fault was it? The other guy. And was anyone injured?

1:18:01🔗 Caller No, not really.

1:18:02🔗 Drew Not really?

1:18:04🔗 Adam So everyone was okay?

1:18:06🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:18:06🔗 Adam Okay. And does your boyfriend have insurance?

1:18:10🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:18:10🔗 Adam He does? All right. And have you started seeing a doctor and gotten some of that prenatal care and that kind of stuff?

1:18:17🔗 Caller I don't have any money and stuff, so I'm...

1:18:20🔗 Drew Well, go to the county. Where are you calling from? Go to the county. Yeah, go to the county. Get the prenatal care.

1:18:24🔗 Adam What do you plan on doing with the kid?

1:18:27🔗 Drew I don't know.

1:18:28🔗 Adam How about you give it up for adoption? Do you think that makes the most sense?

1:18:33🔗 Drew Get lots of worthwhile parents.

1:18:35🔗 Adam Give it up for adoption, please, Ann. You don't want to be saddled with this. You're 18. You can barely find your way on your own. Can you imagine having to take care of somebody? I mean, you can't take care of yourself at this point. Okay, Ann. The good news is the kid probably won't start talking until he's about 14. All right, Ann? Yeah. Listen, I know you're in a bad place right now. But here's, let me give you your short-term plan here. Give the kid up for adoption and do not get pregnant again, especially with this guy, all right? Move out of the house, go to school, get a career, get a life. Then you get pregnant later in 10 years when you're married, and you have a nice situation, okay?

1:19:22🔗 Caller Okay.

1:19:22🔗 Adam Where are you living now?

1:19:24🔗 Caller With my parents.

1:19:25🔗 Adam Okay. And they know you're pregnant?

1:19:27🔗 Caller No.

1:19:28🔗 Drew All right. And ask them for some help, too.

1:19:29🔗 Adam Can you talk to them about getting a little help?

1:19:33🔗 Drew No. You're going to have to eventually, aren't you?

1:19:35🔗 Caller Uh-huh.

1:19:36🔗 Adam All right. I mean, you got to confront them at some point, right?

1:19:39🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:19:40🔗 Adam All right.

1:19:40🔗 Drew Now's the time.

1:19:41🔗 Adam All right.

1:19:42🔗 Drew Because you need some prenatal care, you do.

1:19:43🔗 Adam Just listen, take care of yourself, take care of the baby. Go to like Planned Parenthood, talk to a counselor, weigh your options, and make a responsible decision. You're an adult now. Give the kid up for adoption.

1:19:55🔗 Caller Okay.

1:19:56🔗 Adam All right. And take care of yourself.

1:19:58🔗 Caller All right.

1:19:58🔗 Adam And don't get pregnant again.

1:20:00🔗 Caller It wasn't planned.

1:20:01🔗 Adam That's what I'm saying. All right.

1:20:04🔗 Caller Okay.

1:20:04🔗 Adam All right. Take care. You're fat. Drew, please. And I don't know what the part about the accident and the signing, but let me say something to everyone who's been in any kind of accident ever. If you're fine, you're fine. That's it. No lawsuits, no nothing. Don't let's not focus on what we could potentially get. Let's focus on reality here. If you got rear ended and you feel fine, I don't care if the car is a total loss, you don't sue anybody as long as you're fine. You understand? Guy forces you off the road and you drive over Niagara Falls. If you're fine, no suing. That's what I want. All right. We'll take ourselves a little break. We'll be right back.

1:20:51🔗 Caller Um, back in a minute.

1:20:52🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, Love Line. Um, Adam Perola, Dr. Drew over there. All right, here we go. Roll right along. Let's help the kiddies. Heather?

1:21:03🔗 Caller Hello?

1:21:04🔗 Adam You're 23, you're on Solof, and you have to quit because of the price.

1:21:08🔗 Caller Yeah, and Zyprexa.

1:21:11🔗 Drew And Zyprexa.

1:21:11🔗 Caller That's the most expensive one.

1:21:12🔗 Drew Yeah, Zyprexa is a little more expensive.

1:21:14🔗 Adam How much, Drew?

1:21:16🔗 Drew Probably five bucks a day, something like that.

1:21:18🔗 Caller It's like for a month of Zyprexa, it's like $235.

1:21:22🔗 Drew So $150, $105, $7 a day.

1:21:26🔗 Adam Yeah, well, even more, $250. Damn, that ain't cheap. Your mental stability is not worth eight bucks a day, I'll tell you that right now.

1:21:35🔗 Drew Maybe it is.

1:21:36🔗 Adam Maybe it is. You are pretty effed up. So what can she do, Drew? Any alternatives?

1:21:43🔗 Drew Um, you know, I think what you got to, the doctor is prescribing it perhaps can keep you supplied with samples. Thought about that. Or you can go to maybe a county facility where they can give you these at a low price or nothing. You can also call the drug companies and try to get them for you on a compassionate basis.

1:21:59🔗 Adam Oh, really?

1:22:00🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:22:00🔗 Adam Now, how does that work? You must have to work it with your doctor.

1:22:03🔗 Drew Yeah, you do. The doctors fill out a bunch of paperwork.

1:22:06🔗 Adam Let's say like a hardship case and they'll do that once in a while. It makes sense. And they'll just give it to you at a sort of...

1:22:14🔗 Drew Or nothing usually.

1:22:15🔗 Adam Really nothing? They don't want to give you a check a little bit?

1:22:18🔗 Drew No, two to zero.

1:22:20🔗 Adam And what's the likelihood of that? I mean, if you offer a compelling story, will most drug companies go along with that?

1:22:27🔗 Drew I've done it a few times and never been turned down.

1:22:30🔗 Adam Really?

1:22:30🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:22:31🔗 Adam And so you say, look, I got this patient.

1:22:34🔗 Drew Here's why they can't work.

1:22:35🔗 Adam Here's why they're in need of this drug.

1:22:36🔗 Drew I need this medicine. Here's why. Here's what we've tried otherwise.

1:22:39🔗 Adam And how long did they keep up with that? It was indefinite?

1:22:43🔗 Drew Usually they put, I don't remember. I haven't done it in a long time, but usually they put some time limit on it.

1:22:47🔗 Adam Can you give me some Quaaludes that way? No. Why are we even talking about it then? Evelyn?

1:22:54🔗 Drew Yes.

1:22:55🔗 Adam You're 16? We haven't talked to anyone named Evelyn on the show in the six years that I've been here. Even though it's a popular name, no one's named it. Do you know what I mean? Yep. I'd say Evelyn would be the most well-known name that no one's named. Wouldn't you, Drew?

1:23:09🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:23:09🔗 Adam Thank you. Go ahead, Evelyn.

1:23:12🔗 Caller Well, recently I just broke up with my boyfriend a couple of months ago. And he hasn't stopped calling my house.

1:23:21🔗 Drew Change your phone number, can you?

1:23:23🔗 Caller Huh?

1:23:23🔗 Drew Can you change your phone number?

1:23:24🔗 Caller Well, I've been trying to tell my parents to change it, but they won't listen to me.

1:23:28🔗 Drew Why don't you stop picking up your phone, have your parents pick up, and allow them to tell him to stop calling?

1:23:33🔗 Caller I try.

1:23:34🔗 Drew And what does he do then?

1:23:36🔗 Caller He just hangs up.

1:23:37🔗 Adam Do you see him at school?

1:23:39🔗 Caller No, he goes to another school.

1:23:41🔗 Adam Alright, well, at least he goes to another school. How often does he call?

1:23:44🔗 Caller He calls every day.

1:23:45🔗 Drew When you pick up the phone and he's there, what do you do?

1:23:47🔗 Caller I hang up.

1:23:49🔗 Drew Alright, just keep doing that, he'll stop.

1:23:50🔗 Adam As soon as you hear his voice, you hang up?

1:23:53🔗 Caller Like he says some stupid stuff, like saying...

1:23:56🔗 Drew No, no, no, no, no. As soon as you hear his voice, you hang up.

1:23:59🔗 Caller Yeah, but sometimes it's not him, it's his friends.

1:24:02🔗 Adam It doesn't matter. Anybody associated with him, you hang up on.

1:24:09🔗 Drew You don't have any communication with, and if you need, you get a restraining order.

1:24:14🔗 Caller I tried, but they're saying that because he hasn't came to my house, I can't do anything.

1:24:18🔗 Adam Okay, but Evelyn, just hang up every time the guy calls immediately.

1:24:24🔗 Caller Okay.

1:24:25🔗 Adam Watch. Let's practice.

1:24:28🔗 Drew Answer.

1:24:34🔗 Adam Hey, Evelyn.

1:24:35🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:24:36🔗 Adam We really shouldn't be talking now because you can't hear me because you haven't picked up the goddamn phone yet.

1:24:40🔗 Caller Okay.

1:24:40🔗 Adam I need you to answer the phone.

1:24:42🔗 Caller I am answering the phone.

1:24:43🔗 Adam Now you gotta say hello.

1:24:44🔗 Caller Hello.

1:24:46🔗 Adam Hey, Evelyn, it's me, your ex-boyfriend.

1:24:50🔗 Caller Okay. Click.

1:24:51🔗 Adam There you go.

1:24:52🔗 Drew Don't even say okay.

1:24:54🔗 Adam But are you just gonna make the click sound or is that click sound representing you hanging up?

1:24:59🔗 Caller Me hanging up.

1:24:59🔗 Adam Okay, good. Just do it. Believe me. Here's what everyone does. I really do know this to be true. What these people want is they want to dance. They want someone to engage with some kind of conflict, whatever. They want something.

1:25:15🔗 Drew Sometimes they even get sort of a weird enjoyment of disrupting people's lives.

1:25:20🔗 Adam Yes. And here's the thing. They will be persistent, but no one is that persistent. When met with nothing, no response, they'll stop. It's going to take a few times, and that's why you have to be consistent because you reset the clock. You could do it ten times in a row, and on the 12th time, they would have left you alone forever, but you got into it with them on the 11th.

1:25:45🔗 Drew You can't even go, because then he knows.

1:25:49🔗 Adam They can have no response.

1:25:50🔗 Drew You can't go, you've got to stop this. You can't. It's got to be zero.

1:25:55🔗 Adam That's right. It's nothing. Only the criminally insane, the creme of the insane crop keep going with nothing. Justin?

1:26:07🔗 Caller Yes.

1:26:07🔗 Adam You're 21?

1:26:09🔗 Caller Yes, I am.

1:26:10🔗 Adam You want to know how you convince your girlfriend to masturbate?

1:26:13🔗 Caller Yes.

1:26:15🔗 Adam Who, herself?

1:26:16🔗 Caller Yes, herself.

1:26:17🔗 Adam With you around?

1:26:18🔗 Caller Yeah, particularly with me around.

1:26:20🔗 Adam Particularly?

1:26:21🔗 Caller Yes.

1:26:22🔗 Adam She won't do it? Will she not do it when she's alone?

1:26:25🔗 Caller No, she won't ever do it. She's never done it in her life.

1:26:28🔗 Adam Doesn't do it alone?

1:26:29🔗 Caller No.

1:26:29🔗 Adam Okay. I think the first move is to get her to do it alone.

1:26:33🔗 Caller Okay.

1:26:34🔗 Adam Have you bought her a vibrator?

1:26:36🔗 Caller I've talked to her about it.

1:26:37🔗 Adam No, no, no, no, no. No, listen. Talking to your girlfriend about getting her vibrator is like talking to your dog about having him neutered. It's a bad... No, you just get them in the crate.

1:26:48🔗 Caller Okay.

1:26:49🔗 Adam No, I mean really, put her in a crate. Do you have a crate?

1:26:52🔗 Caller Yeah, I do, actually.

1:26:53🔗 Adam Yeah, you thought it was a metaphor. You thought I was telling the dog thing? No, I think you crate her up.

1:26:58🔗 Caller Okay.

1:26:59🔗 Adam No, here's what you do with the vibrator. There's not many women around that you can have this discussion with.

1:27:05🔗 Caller Okay.

1:27:05🔗 Adam How about you use a vibrator? No, they'll say no just on principle.

1:27:09🔗 Caller All right.

1:27:09🔗 Adam Because they don't want to be one of the girls who says, yes, I need a vibrator. You get that vibrator, you make sure you get some batteries in it, not the Duracell because it'll take your arm off. Oh, yeah. And you just the very simple one, not a big black one with a crank on it or Kickstarter rear view or anything.

1:27:27🔗 Caller Just a Slim Jim.

1:27:28🔗 Adam Just a basic white Slim Jim, you know, eight bucks at any place. Even the Army Surplus Store will have them sometimes.

1:27:35🔗 Caller Awesome.

1:27:36🔗 Adam And put a couple of C cells in there. Now, slide it under the pillow or between the mattress and the box spring, but get it ready.

1:27:44🔗 Caller Okay.

1:27:44🔗 Adam Okay. Then you perform a little oral on her.

1:27:48🔗 Caller Right.

1:27:48🔗 Adam Get her, you know, staring up at the ceilings or reading the back of her eyelids or something. Then you very slyly pull that thing out. There'll be a second where she's a little hesitant and a little surprised, but curiosity will win over and the juices will be flowing by then. Then she'll try the Vibrayer, let you try it out, work with her. Then you tell her, look, just, I'll leave it behind. No pressure. But if you get a little curious, give it a try. I'll just leave it on the bed. Then she'll go home. Eventually, she'll start trying this thing, she'll get into this thing. She'll start getting into her own crap, and then you can do stuff with her. Awesome. All right there, buddy. Good times, good times.

1:28:28🔗 Drew You notice how I let you go on about those topics that you enjoy enlightening your college with?

1:28:33🔗 Adam I'm 1000 percent right on that topic.

1:28:36🔗 Drew But there are certain topics that I'm 1000 percent right about.

1:28:39🔗 Adam Right, except for you're not.

1:28:41🔗 Drew Usually, you'll go on about.

1:28:43🔗 Adam You're about 850 percent right, but not 1000 percent.

1:28:46🔗 Drew While I'm talking.

1:28:48🔗 Adam Am I right, though, with that vibrator?

1:28:50🔗 Caller Yeah, you're fine.

1:28:50🔗 Drew You cannot talk to a woman about.

1:28:52🔗 Adam I'm going to purchase a vibrator in your name.

1:28:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:28:58🔗 Adam No, no, you get it out. You, that's something you unfurl in the bedroom. You do not talk about it beforehand. Tom, Tom, you're 17. Tom's asleep.

1:29:12🔗 Drew Sleeping, sleeping. Let's hear him. There he is.

1:29:16🔗 Adam See, you say that every time, but that's just the sound of Anderson potting it up. See, that makes it kind of...

1:29:23🔗 Drew It's that sound. But let's hear the guy sleeping.

1:29:26🔗 Adam Well, I mean, if your argument is a guy sleeping sounds like nothing, then you make a very compelling argument for we can hear him sleep.

1:29:33🔗 Drew You see?

1:29:34🔗 Adam But in that case, we could go to the cemetery and hear dead people, too. But couldn't we? All right, let's talk to Chris. Chris? You're 15. You don't want sex, but you want anal sex?

1:29:50🔗 Drew You're gay.

1:29:51🔗 Adam With who?

1:29:52🔗 Caller With chicks.

1:29:53🔗 Adam Oh, with chicks?

1:29:54🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:29:54🔗 Drew You mean you want to do that to them?

1:29:56🔗 Adam Yeah. So it's like, I don't want to play high school ball. I want to go pro.

1:30:01🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:30:02🔗 Adam Yeah, but you never get drafted unless they see you at a high school. You got to perform at the high school level.

1:30:08🔗 Caller Yeah. Yeah.

1:30:09🔗 Adam I was saying the anal is a tough cell.

1:30:11🔗 Drew What would the anal do for you? Why is that so enticing?

1:30:14🔗 Caller I don't really know. It's just like some kind of a... It just looks more pleasing.

1:30:21🔗 Drew More pleasing to you.

1:30:22🔗 Caller More appealing, yeah.

1:30:23🔗 Adam Do you watch, you look at stuff on the internet, that kind of stuff?

1:30:27🔗 Drew That stuff portrayed in pornography is pleasurable to a woman or like they're damaging them? You know what I mean? What are these guys attracted to? Is it these women are being killed with a penis and they sort of want to act that out?

1:30:40🔗 Adam No. It's considered pleasurable to a woman in the porn industry. But if you think about the chicks who are attracted to the porn industry, that is probably the eight and a half percent that does like anal sex from a national standpoint. You know what I mean? So those chicks actually do like it.

1:31:02🔗 Drew We've talked to some of them here and the most of them are not into that, right?

1:31:05🔗 Adam Well, it's their job to pretend like they are. But I would say half the women that are in porn are the women who are effed up enough to really get off on that. Dry anal rape. That's something I learned about the DARE program when I was talking to porn stars. So he watches this, he enjoys it. But Chris, you got to start off with the regular sex. And then you get into the sex guy.

1:31:30🔗 Drew High school football before the pros, right?

1:31:31🔗 Adam That's right. Loveline.

1:31:37🔗 Caller Well, that's it.

1:31:38🔗 Adam Jay Moore coming in a little bit later on this week. Matthew Lillard and Slash. You may remember him from a little band called Guns N Roses. So until next time, this is Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying mahalo. What? Hold on, I'm going to squat down so I can blow something out my vagina.

1:32:00🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, but the management sponsors for this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

Episode Feedback