Wednesday, August 15, 2001

0:55🔗 Voiceover For an adult audience, Loveline may contain sexually-oriented content. Listener discretion is advised. Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Loveline, Coast to Coast.

1:13🔗 Voiceover Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dr. Drew, board certified internist and addiction medicine specialist. And he called me at home today.

1:27🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. Yeah, we had an intimate talk. Went like this. Yeah.

1:32🔗 Adam Hello. All right. I'll play me.

1:34🔗 Drew All right. Adam.

1:35🔗 Adam Hello.

1:35🔗 Drew Adam.

1:36🔗 Adam Hello.

1:37🔗 Drew Yeah, it's Drew.

1:37🔗 Adam Drew.

1:38🔗 Drew Yeah.

1:38🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:40🔗 Drew Hey, listen, my wife wanted me to call you.

1:41🔗 Adam Right.

1:42🔗 Drew She, we're having a part or something. I don't know what day, what time. I'm going to have her call you and tell you when. You can come.

1:47🔗 Adam Yeah, all right.

1:48🔗 Drew All right. Good times.

1:49🔗 Adam Okay. Then you want me to reenact the one with your wife? We called two minutes ago. Drew's great. Drew's like his wife's secretary. Calls ahead. It's like, you'll be receiving a call from Mrs. Pinsky soon. Be prepared. Okay. Thank you. Hang up the phone. Phone rings. Yes, you're coming to the party? Yeah. You couldn't have told me when it was.

2:09🔗 Drew I had no idea.

2:10🔗 Adam Well, why did you call? Why didn't you just tell her to call?

2:12🔗 Drew This was her idea. She's intimidated by it. You're a mean guy. All right. Listen, what's weird for me, I think it's my birthday party.

2:20🔗 Adam Oh, it is?

2:21🔗 Drew She wants to get a couple cups here for my birthday. It's like, hey, I'm calling from my birthday. It's so weird.

2:26🔗 Adam Yeah, she should do that.

2:27🔗 Drew Then as you answered the phone, I thought, I don't even know what the hell day it is. I don't know what day it is. I don't know what time it is.

2:32🔗 Adam Well, you know the funny part is the weird little beat, like maybe we should talk about something and then forget it. You know that beat where you go. Okay. So the third, so Memorial Day. Okay.

2:44🔗 Drew Good times.

2:45🔗 Adam There's like one, like the three beats and then it's like, I'll see you tonight. Like maybe we're going to talk about something, forget it. Richard Ruccolo and Dan Bucatinsky are both here. Did I do that right, Dan?

2:58🔗 Drew Perfect.

2:58🔗 Adam Yes. From All Over The Guy. You've seen the commercials and actually I just started. Well, actually I saw them a couple.

3:06🔗 Guest It was like a week ago.

3:07🔗 Adam About a week ago, yes, but I've been seeing them more and more as we approach August 17th, which is this Friday when the movie is released. And tell me about the story.

3:18🔗 Guest Go ahead, Dan, you're on.

3:20🔗 Me?

3:20🔗 Guest Yeah.

3:21🔗 You don't want to tell them the story?

3:22🔗 Guest I have no idea what I did in the film. Oh, you don't?

3:24🔗 Okay.

3:25🔗 Drew You made out. You made out.

3:26🔗 Guest Yeah, except for that point, except for the Hot Man on Man action.

3:29🔗 Drew The two of you made out.

3:30🔗 Yeah, we happened to make out during the movie. It's a romantic comedy about a straight couple that fixes up their gay best friends, and then the torture that ensues after these two guys meet up one day.

3:44🔗 Adam Is Adam Goldberg and Lisa Kudrow a couple?

3:47🔗 No, no, no.

3:47🔗 Adam Or Christina Ricci and Goldberg?

3:49🔗 No, actually, Christina Ricci plays my sister, Adam Goldberg plays my best friend, Sasha Alexander plays my best friend, Richard's best friend, and Lisa Kudrow has a cameo in it. Has a cameo, which is really funny about it. Has a voice over actress.

4:03🔗 Adam She, Lisa, who I know from the Groundlings for many, many years ago, is actually a very talented celebrity. You don't see too many of them, but.

4:13🔗 Drew Adam says that about once every five years.

4:15🔗 Adam Right, and I'm talking about myself. Just every five years I remind everybody how talented I am. And Adam Goldberg is really good, too.

4:22🔗 Guest And out of his mind.

4:24🔗 Adam Yeah, he's crazy.

4:25🔗 Guest He works on a completely different level.

4:27🔗 But he's so funny. He's so hilarious.

4:29🔗 Adam And he's, and we've had him on the show quite a few times. Yeah, he's a really nice guy.

4:34🔗 Guest He really is.

4:35🔗 Adam He's nuts, but he's nice. No, not nuts.

4:38🔗 Drew He's not actor nuts, is he?

4:39🔗 Adam No, he's eccentric.

4:39🔗 Guest No, he's not actor nuts. He just thinks on a different level than most.

4:43🔗 Adam Yeah, he's not heavy nuts. Like, there's no such thing as AIDS, man. It's not that kind of nuts. It's just he sort of marches to the beat of his own drum. Right. But it's a good drum. It's not a nutty drum.

4:55🔗 Drew No, it's a top notch drum. Are we going to tell our actor nut story again about David Arquette?

4:58🔗 Guest I want to hear. Oh, I want to hear it.

5:00🔗 Adam Oh, really?

5:01🔗 Drew Real quick.

5:01🔗 Adam Okay. Real fast. Just sitting here talking about it. Let's just say David Arquette. No, forget David Arquette. Let's say we're just talking about Adam Goldberg, just like we're talking right now. I was saying, hey, he's a nutty dude. You said, oh, you don't want to say that over the air. I said, don't worry, he's so nuts. He doesn't even know where the studio is. And he just walks through the door, as I'm saying that. That is what happened with David Arquette. Not scheduled to come on the show, just talking about him.

5:33🔗 Drew And Adam's saying, great guy, we love him, but certifiable.

5:37🔗 Adam Certifiably insane.

5:37🔗 Drew Fast forward four minutes.

5:39🔗 Adam Maybe three and a half. He comes walking right through that door right there.

5:42🔗 Guest David, if you can hear us now, come here. Come here now.

5:44🔗 I was gonna say, Richard, you wanna get Adam out of the car?

5:47🔗 Guest Adam's outside.

5:48🔗 Adam He's waiting?

5:49🔗 He's waiting.

5:50🔗 Adam All right, so the movie is out, the 17th, that is this Friday and judging from the commercial looks funny.

5:58🔗 Drew Here's a bit weird if Adam Goldberg walks in and yelling about us talking about him being nuts.

6:01🔗 Guest Or if he walked in yelling at us talking about David, that would be even weirder.

6:05🔗 Adam Or him and Dave came in. All right, let's take some phone calls and talk to all the nutty people. Call the show. Star?

6:15🔗 Guest Yeah.

6:16🔗 Adam You're 15?

6:17🔗 Caller Yeah, actually, it's Cleo.

6:18🔗 Drew All right, Cleo, what's up?

6:20🔗 Guest Yeah, I was wondering, because it was earlier today that me and my boyfriend or fiance, I guess you could say, we did it.

6:32🔗 Drew Fiance at 15.

6:35🔗 Caller Huh?

6:36🔗 Drew Fiance at 15. You must want to get out of your home real bad.

6:39🔗 Guest Oh, no. I mean, yeah, I'm engaged, but we're not planning on getting married until I come older.

6:46🔗 Adam Right.

6:47🔗 Guest But, you know, it's still time to get to know each other.

6:50🔗 Adam Right. Like junior in high school.

6:52🔗 Drew I see. How old is he?

6:53🔗 Guest He's 17.

6:54🔗 Drew Oh, yeah. I want him to be at least 18 before they get married.

6:57🔗 Adam Wait till he gets a pub.

6:58🔗 Drew Yeah.

6:58🔗 Adam That's where you make your move.

6:59🔗 Drew Well, you ever heard of the morning after pill?

7:02🔗 Guest Yeah, we were thinking about that.

7:04🔗 Drew Okay. Why aren't you running out and getting it?

7:06🔗 Caller Because I don't know where to get it and I don't know how much.

7:10🔗 Drew You plan, parented, might give it to you for free.

7:12🔗 Adam How much is and how much money?

7:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

7:15🔗 Drew I'm sure it's not much over $30 if you actually get it from a pharmacy. Any doctor or emergency room can prescribe it to you. You need to take it within three days of the condom breaking, but it's much more effective the sooner you take it. Well, yeah.

7:28🔗 Caller I mean, it's so crazy.

7:31🔗 Guest I don't know.

7:32🔗 Drew It's not crazy. It works and it's not an abortion pill. It doesn't let the egg reach the sperm, so there's never a conception. It works just like the regular birth control pill. You've got to get that.

7:42🔗 Adam All right. Can you get the $30 if you need it?

7:46🔗 Guest Do they have a phone number?

7:48🔗 Drew Are you in Denver?

7:49🔗 Caller Yeah, I'm in Denver.

7:50🔗 Drew Well, look, Denver's got a great Planned Parenthood. Call 1-800- yeah, here comes the book.

7:55🔗 Caller Okay, hold on.

7:55🔗 Guest Let me get some paper.

7:57🔗 Adam Okay, what?

7:58🔗 Drew Hold on, I'm getting it.

7:58🔗 Adam I don't know. Can't you just open the front of the phone book and find Planned Parenthood?

8:02🔗 Drew You can call 1-800-230-PLAN. That's one number you can call and they will give you-

8:06🔗 Caller Okay, 1-800- what was it?

8:10🔗 Drew 2-3-0-P-2-3-0-P-L-A-N. Hey, Drew, do we do it?

8:15🔗 Adam All right. Do we have to do the leg work? No. Do we have to fly out there and drive you to the clinic? Or can you just open the phone book?

8:21🔗 Drew That's the way people are. No, no, no, no, no. There's inertia. There's inertia to take care of themselves.

8:25🔗 Adam All right. Star?

8:26🔗 Yeah.

8:27🔗 Adam You do that, all right?

8:28🔗 Okay.

8:28🔗 Adam And it'll be the best 30 bucks you ever spent.

8:31🔗 Okay, thank you.

8:31🔗 Adam All right. As I said on the show many times, $30 sounds like a lot, but as I've said to you, Drew, my dad spent $115 raising me. So what is that? Three? Almost four times that amount.

8:47🔗 Guest That's a lot.

8:48🔗 Adam Well, think about it. And those are 1970s dollars. So I mean today might be three or four hundred, maybe five hundred dollars. Right. Right. So that'll be the best 30 ever spent. Sarah?

9:05🔗 Guest Yes.

9:05🔗 Adam 24-year-old Sarah, what's up?

9:08🔗 Guest Well, the other day I was having sex with my boyfriend, and normally when he comes, he kind of shakes and moves, and you definitely can tell he's enjoying it, but it seems to come more from the stomach. But then like the other day, just happened twice, he did the shaking and the convulsion without even coming, and it seemed like he was having an orgasm like a woman. And I'm just wondering if there might be something wrong or just fully enjoying it. Like I've never seen that happen without actually physically having an orgasm.

9:42🔗 Drew Is he on a medication?

9:44🔗 Guest No, I don't think so. Well, he might.

9:46🔗 Drew No, because sometimes the semen can go back up into the bladder for medication. So you don't see it. And sometimes you actually kind of dry. You know what I mean?

9:56🔗 Adam What did you do? I mean, were you having intercourse?

10:00🔗 Guest Yeah, we were having intercourse and.

10:03🔗 Adam Well, how do you know he didn't orgasm?

10:06🔗 Drew Well, he said he didn't. He said nothing came out.

10:08🔗 Guest Right. I mean, I was kind of surprised as I thought he had had orgasms and he said, that felt so good. But he was really surprised that he didn't actually orgasm.

10:17🔗 Drew He really just came close.

10:17🔗 Adam Did he have the sensation?

10:19🔗 Drew Tantrum?

10:20🔗 Adam Yeah.

10:21🔗 Caller That's what I said.

10:22🔗 I said he was doing some kind of tantrum.

10:25🔗 Guest He just didn't know what was happening. This had happened one other time with me, but he said he didn't think that it ever happened before.

10:30🔗 Adam Well, did he then have an orgasm after that?

10:34🔗 Caller No.

10:34🔗 Adam Yeah. That was it.

10:36🔗 Drew Yeah, that was it. He had like an almost orgasm kind of thing.

10:39🔗 Adam He'd do that thing sometimes.

10:40🔗 Guest Was he faking it?

10:42🔗 Guest Do guys sometimes feel it in their stomach more? I mean, I don't know how a guy feels things.

10:47🔗 Adam I feel it on my stomach sometimes when I don't do my pant in a jack bib, which is something I'm still trying to have pant in it, so I don't want to talk about it too much on the air. But it involves one side has a bullseye, and the other side has a baseball diamond, like a dartboard. You know the backside always has that baseball game that no one knows what to do with. They're like, hey, what is this? I don't know. I don't know. Just put it back on the bullseye, jackass. Don't have for round. What was that baseball game that no one knew what to do with? Is Sarah? Yeah, it's fine. He had an orgasm. He probably had himself earlier in the day or something. It wasn't much.

11:27🔗 Guest Nothing to worry about?

11:28🔗 Drew Nothing to worry about. If you're worrying about this, your life is too simple. You need something else to worry about.

11:36🔗 Adam All right.

11:36🔗 Guest Okay, thanks.

11:37🔗 Adam All right. Enjoy. That's right. Drew, how do you have that retrograde ejaculation?

11:43🔗 Drew Want to get me the picture?

11:44🔗 Adam No.

11:44🔗 Drew Yeah.

11:45🔗 Adam No.

11:45🔗 Drew I'll show you the valve that closes up.

11:47🔗 Adam Yeah, but don't you have to put pressure on it manually?

11:49🔗 Drew You can do that, but medication sometimes don't release the valve. Certain medications cause that.

11:53🔗 Adam So that the semen doesn't come out down the urethra, it just goes right into the ass? Where does it go?

11:59🔗 Drew The bladder.

12:00🔗 Adam Right into the bladder and then you pee it out?

12:02🔗 Would you see it?

12:04🔗 Drew You've asked that before. I don't know if people see it.

12:07🔗 Adam You would think it would be sort of like...

12:08🔗 Drew You think it would, yeah.

12:10🔗 You cry it out of your eyes.

12:11🔗 Adam Oh really? Is that where it comes out?

12:13🔗 Tears are... That's great.

12:15🔗 Drew Occasionally I sneeze.

12:17🔗 Adam So like if I was watching Brian's song, I'd just have like a semen rolling down my cheeks.

12:22🔗 It'd become...

12:23🔗 Adam It's happened. Oh wait, that wasn't mine. That's right. Jim?

12:28🔗 Yeah.

12:28🔗 Adam You're 23?

12:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

12:30🔗 Adam What's up?

12:31🔗 Caller Okay, my girlfriend has a very disturbing porn collection on her computer. Mm-hmm.

12:35🔗 Adam What's disturbing about it?

12:37🔗 Caller Oh, they're not like... They're not photos or anything. They're like drawings, and they're like these animal people having sex.

12:44🔗 Drew Animal people? Oh, you mean these... I've heard about this little like sort of cute figures kind of thing?

12:49🔗 Caller Sort of. They look... Some of them are... Some of them go from outright cartoonish looking to like... like almost realistic.

12:55🔗 Drew There's a name for this. There's a name for this whole community that hangs out with these pictures. I don't know what... Why are you looking at me? I thought maybe somebody would know what it's called.

13:03🔗 Caller I don't know.

13:04🔗 Adam Richard, no?

13:05🔗 Drew I've heard of this. I don't know what it implies. It's a little faddish right now. I don't know what the implications are. But I don't even know if people really are into it, if they just sort of think it's funny.

13:14🔗 Caller I'm the house-sitting for her. She's out of town this weekend. Well, this weekend, this weekend. And I decided to go look around on her computer, go on the Internet, and I was poking around her directory, and I find these. And it's like... It just doesn't seem right.

13:28🔗 Drew You know who told me about Ann?

13:29🔗 Adam Well, producer Ann told you about that? But is it, you know, sometimes they do that stuff where it's like Bart Simpson with a boner. Is it that kind of thing?

13:38🔗 Caller No, no. I mean, these are like... I don't know if these are any cartoon characters I know of.

13:43🔗 Drew No, it's little cute animal figures that are sort of quasi-human, sexualized.

13:48🔗 Caller Some of them look like absolutely realistic. It's like Planet of the Apes almost realistic, you know?

13:56🔗 Adam Planet of the Apes realistic?

13:57🔗 Caller Well, you know, like the movie that came out recently, how that looked almost realistic, you know?

14:02🔗 Drew So it's like somebody did special effects on making human animals.

14:04🔗 Caller Something like that, yeah. A lot of them look like they're computer drawn.

14:07🔗 Drew All right, relax. Talk to your girlfriend. Find out what she's doing with it. I know that it... I don't know that it implies anything, okay?

14:14🔗 Caller Oh, there's like... Actually, there's like two or three of them that really do kind of disturb me.

14:18🔗 Drew Now you're BSing us. Yeah.

14:20🔗 Adam Get your joke out, Jack Asen.

14:21🔗 Drew Go ahead.

14:22🔗 Adam Let's go. Get the joke out. What joke? The punchline.

14:26🔗 Caller Give us the three that disturb you.

14:27🔗 Drew Whatever you're building to. Go ahead.

14:29🔗 Caller Well, there's like, okay, there's two or three of them here that they like have pictures of like tales from the Sonic the Hedgehog games and like very disturbing situations.

14:38🔗 Adam That's it?

14:38🔗 Caller Yeah.

14:39🔗 Adam That's not funny.

14:40🔗 Caller Well, I...

14:42🔗 Adam All right. Well, look, what would you rather have her looking at? Like snuff porn, stump porn, or figurine, cute figurine woodland porn? Do you know what I mean? I mean, let's examine the options in the porn realm. I don't like all this. To me, novelty porn is like novelty food. I don't got time for it.

15:02🔗 Guest Porn is porn. Yeah.

15:03🔗 Adam I was flipping through the satellite today. I got onto the Playboy channel. They have like erotic animation, 3D. It's like, look, we got coked up at 19-year-olds. They're willing to let us film them. Do we have to look at a goddamn drawing? I mean, I understand when you're in prison, you might have to look at a drawing or something, but we have millions and millions of miles of footage of beautiful, actual human beings. We can watch Being Degraded this way. We can watch a computer-generated form of it. All this novel, it doesn't make sense to me. But I don't think you should condemn her necessarily.

15:42🔗 Guest How many times do you pass by the Playboy channel in a day?

15:46🔗 Adam I like to, to me, it's like, you know those guys who really play the stock market, and they like to keep an eye on their stocks? They're always keeping an eye on it.

15:54🔗 So the ticker tape for you is spice.

15:56🔗 Adam Right, right. I like to pass by, see how my stock's doing, see where it's at, see where it's going, and then I'll move on and watch something else. I don't like to be too far away from it.

16:07🔗 Guest You just check in?

16:08🔗 Adam Yeah, I check in, see how the stock's doing, and then I get back to it.

16:12🔗 Guest Because it can get boring really fast, or it can be something interesting.

16:15🔗 Drew But you wouldn't want to miss anything.

16:19🔗 Guest That's the feeling. Yeah, that's what I check back every once in a while.

16:23🔗 Adam My greatest fear is like I flip on a Playboy and it was like, Well, that was Chicks Adam Doug from High School, 1982.

16:33🔗 Drew It's Patty revisiting Patty. What's her name?

16:36🔗 Adam Patty Farinelli. It's going back in the vault. It won't be out for another 20 years until Corolla's prostate explodes. Now back to a marathon of animated porn. Yeah, like I was just scared I'm going to miss some Chicks.

16:52🔗 Guest It's all the same anyway and I don't understand what I think I'm going to miss.

16:56🔗 Two women getting it on which is consistent as story.

16:59🔗 Guest That's every five minutes.

17:00🔗 Adam But think about whether it's drugs or whatever your poison is, booze, whatever it is, pornography or food. Think about how you can constantly get it up for it literally and figuratively each and every time. I mean, every time I go out to a nice restaurant, I'm sitting there thinking, where's the food? Come on. Once in a while, I'll stop and I'll go, it's not like you're not going to eat breakfast in eight hours and then lunch again and be back at this restaurant three days later. But I'm sitting there like, oh, I smell something. Then the waitress comes by and say, that's ours. That's ours. I think that's ours. I spotted our plate. It's coming this way. Oh, turned off. Oh, look at that. We got here before them. We were there before. We were here.

17:46🔗 Drew Remember? You're like some kind of puppy dog waiting for the truck wagon.

17:49🔗 Adam I had got my iced tea before they even sat down. Why do you think they brought it to? Okay, just mellow out, maintain. The food's coming. You get it each and every time, each and every time, and then it's like you're done. It's like, okay, that's enough of that. We'll be doing that for a while. Then it's like next day right back.

18:06🔗 Drew I am disgusting. Why did I eat so much? Yeah.

18:09🔗 Adam How can you renew that each and every time with, like I said, porn or food or whatever it is?

18:15🔗 Drew This is that arousal and reward mechanism in our brain, which is what drives addiction.

18:19🔗 Guest Do women have that?

18:21🔗 Drew Not the way men do.

18:22🔗 Adam They have it with a different handbag.

18:24🔗 Guest It seems like women can't grab the concept of the man aspect of watching porn like that.

18:30🔗 Drew Well, they don't have the watching gene. The visual piece of it. They don't get it. They don't get it. They don't get that they don't get it. That's the more difficult part.

18:38🔗 Guest That's the frustrating part, because you can't explain it to them on any level because there's nothing to parable.

18:43🔗 Drew Yeah. That's weird. What does that do for you? It's like watching The Three Stooges. Try to explain that to them. Impossible. Or The Man Show. Impossible.

18:51🔗 Adam I don't dare you. Go ahead, Dan.

18:53🔗 Why do guys, and I can't answer this question, why do guys like to see two women getting it on, but no woman will really, I mean, I don't think there's a lot of women like to see two guys getting it on.

19:02🔗 Drew There are women that like to see two women getting it on too.

19:04🔗 Adam Well, right.

19:05🔗 There are guys that like to see women seeing two women.

19:09🔗 Adam Well, one is sort of an act against God and nature, you know, I mean, the main thing. I mean, that's scary to watch. There's guys, we all have.

19:18🔗 Drew I'm glad you're not Judge Meadowlary.

19:19🔗 Adam No, but yeah, think about like a football game. There's 75,000 people in the stands and 75,000 men essentially. If there's women there, it's because the men dragged their wives there.

19:30🔗 Drew Women like football too.

19:31🔗 Adam No, they don't like it. They go because their guys go in and because they get to sit around.

19:36🔗 Drew No, no, no, she likes football, seriously.

19:38🔗 Adam Really? Well, that's right, but you're the chick.

19:41🔗 Drew In our relationship, that's true.

19:43🔗 Adam Right. I'll give you two options with your relationship. Either there's a lesbian relationship or you're just the chick and she's the dude. If it's heterosexual, you got to be the chick and she's the dude. If you're both chicks, it's not going to work.

19:56🔗 Drew You never had this, but for your college team, you can get it up if you're a woman. That's what she goes after.

20:01🔗 Adam Drew, who went to USC, is forced to go root on UCLA because his wife went to UCLA. Talk about P. Whip. Think about that. The arch rival, USC and UCLA, the guy who graduates at USC has to cheer on UCLA. P. Whip. Jim?

20:21🔗 Hello, Adam.

20:22🔗 Adam Jim!

20:23🔗 Adam, you, my friend, are a genius.

20:25🔗 Drew Jim, have we talked to you before?

20:28🔗 No, sir. I have never called this show before.

20:30🔗 Drew The voice is familiar. Go ahead.

20:31🔗 Adam, over the weekend, I saw somebody die in Quicksand on a TV show.

20:36🔗 Adam Oh, that's what I've been waiting for.

20:38🔗 Drew An old one, like Gilligan's Island?

20:40🔗 No, no. I think it was the current episode of VIP.

20:46🔗 Adam Just to catch everybody up, Dan and Richard especially, I was asking what happened to Quicksand. That used to be a viable way of death.

20:54🔗 Drew In the Wild Wild West, Gilligan's Island, all the 70s shows.

20:57🔗 Guest It just kind of disappeared, didn't it?

20:58🔗 Drew Yeah.

20:58🔗 Adam Growing up, I thought I had a 50-50 chance of going by Quicksand.

21:03🔗 Adam, I think your message is getting out to the masses.

21:05🔗 Adam That's good. There was also some soufflé humor in the Charlie's Angels movie. I want to know what happened to soufflé humor where the thing was rising and someone would slam the door. S soufflé humor gone, Quicksand gone, but they're coming back.

21:18🔗 I don't think people are going for that poofy French cooking anymore. I do that as playing with your food, quite frankly.

21:26🔗 Adam That's it. Jim, are you done?

21:29🔗 Well, it depends. Jim? I've been listening to you for about the past six years. Ever since I got on the afternoon shift, I listened to you on the way home from work. I tell you, it really lightens the load, man.

21:44🔗 Adam Thank you. Good times. Jim, let me give you a little word of caution here. You're a 32-year-old man, a relatively young man. You're already starting to sound like the Petridge Farm guys. Remember that old guy who said, Petridge, well.

21:57🔗 Well, I used to be a salesman.

21:59🔗 Adam Oh, did you? Because you got that salesman sort of, well, I tell you.

22:04🔗 I can't help it. I still use that on people and it works like a charm.

22:09🔗 Adam Right. All right. Well, we don't like it. Oh, sorry.

22:12🔗 Drew We don't like being.

22:13🔗 Adam Thanks for calling.

22:14🔗 Drew Anything you want to use on us, we don't like it.

22:18🔗 Adam Yeah, it's that sort of Strip Club DJ got a little of that. That I could just he did sound like a guy was in sales, didn't he?

22:28🔗 Drew Yeah. Selling like, but like you said, like something out of the elf factory.

22:33🔗 Adam The elf factory?

22:34🔗 Drew Elf.

22:35🔗 Adam Chris?

22:36🔗 Yeah.

22:36🔗 Adam You're 18?

22:37🔗 Caller Yeah.

22:38🔗 Adam What's up?

22:40🔗 Caller Yeah. A couple of days ago, I kissed my best friend, which we've been friends for how long? And since then, she's been really shy and not talking to me and not calling me or nothing. What should I do?

22:56🔗 Adam Where are you from? England or Australia?

22:58🔗 Caller Georgia.

22:59🔗 Caller Oh, gorgeous.

23:01🔗 Adam I see. And she's your best friend.

23:04🔗 Caller Yeah.

23:04🔗 Adam You kissed her. How long you been best friends?

23:06🔗 Caller Since like middle school.

23:08🔗 Drew And have you been secretly pining for her?

23:11🔗 Caller Well, I guess it's both of those. It's like a mutual thing.

23:13🔗 Drew No, no, no. I'm asking about you.

23:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

23:16🔗 Drew Okay. And you sort of seized your opportunity? Was she breaking up with somebody or something? Was there some sort of weakness that she was going through at the time?

23:25🔗 Caller Yeah, there was a weakness.

23:26🔗 Drew What's the weakness?

23:28🔗 Caller Well, her ex-boyfriend was my other friend.

23:32🔗 Drew And he just done her wrong, huh?

23:33🔗 Caller Yeah.

23:34🔗 Drew And you were there to catch her.

23:37🔗 Adam She was going to jump off the Tallahatchie Bridge or something?

23:41🔗 Drew We're going to talk about you for a second here, Jim.

23:43🔗 Adam We are?

23:43🔗 Drew Hold on. Yeah, because this is the diabolical nature of man. I'm your best friend, your best friend, your best friend, waiting for that weak moment. Counts like a cheetah.

23:52🔗 Adam Leopard out of a tree.

23:53🔗 Drew Right.

23:54🔗 Adam Thank you. Hey, Chris. Yeah. So what's the problem now? Is she not into you or you're still into her? What's up?

24:01🔗 Caller Well, I mean, I've always liked her and all, but I never wanted to try to...

24:08🔗 Drew She either is now concerned about your feelings and really sort of feels weird about this now that you've shown your cards, or feels exploited and is angry with you.

24:19🔗 Caller Yeah.

24:19🔗 Drew One or the other.

24:20🔗 Caller Well, she's locked in her wall, but the reason we're never even considered dating is because...

24:26🔗 Adam Hold on. What kind of fish was that? What did you say?

24:29🔗 Drew Catfish.

24:30🔗 Adam She's something about her wall. She's doing what?

24:33🔗 Caller The reason we haven't dated or nothing is because my best friend, we don't want to hurt him and nothing.

24:38🔗 Drew No, Chris, no. The reason you haven't dated is because she's not Indian. She's not Indian that way.

24:42🔗 Caller Yeah.

24:43🔗 Drew Okay.

24:44🔗 Adam All right, find somebody else.

24:46🔗 Caller I've got another question. For some reason, I don't know what it is, but I get aroused a lot. I mean, it's not about girls. I mean, I could be sitting down at school or something and it just happens. I mean, what could be the cause of this?

25:01🔗 Drew It's a breeze from the West.

25:02🔗 Adam 18. That's what happens at 18.

25:05🔗 Drew All right.

25:06🔗 Adam All right.

25:06🔗 Guest I appreciate it.

25:07🔗 Adam You'll be fine.

25:08🔗 Guest All right.

25:09🔗 Drew Wear heavy denim jeans.

25:10🔗 Guest And appreciate it while it's there.

25:11🔗 Adam Right.

25:12🔗 Drew It'll be gone soon.

25:13🔗 For the two weeks that it...

25:15🔗 Adam What do you think, if there was some sort of chart, some sort of graph, some sort of spontaneous boners per week... For the male? Yeah, for the male.

25:28🔗 Drew For what age group?

25:29🔗 Adam Well, that's what I'm saying, like 15 to 18.

25:31🔗 Drew It would go like this. It would puberty, it would be zero, zero. Well, it would be like... At least young boys get it here and there. It would be steady and then pow, jump up, and then hyperbole, like a rapid fall off towards zero and then stay right there.

25:45🔗 Adam Actually, I think it could surpass zero. Were you owed boners?

25:49🔗 Drew You got the tortoise boner?

25:50🔗 Adam It's like you're with a chick and a guy comes around, sorry, I need the boner for the Boner Collection Agency. I'm going to need the car, too. A different thing, but I'm just taking care. Killing two birds with one boner here. Alright, let's take ourselves a little break. Richard and Dan are both here from All Over The Guy, which is a funny movie and it's coming out this Friday. So we'll definitely want to see that. We'll take a little break and we'll be right back. Hey, everybody, it's Loveline. I'm Adam, that's Dr. Drew over there. Phone number, 1-800-LOVE-191, Richard Ruccolo and Dan Bucatinsky are both here from all over the guy. You've seen the commercials, as I have, I'm sure. This also has Christina Ricci and Lisa Kudrow and Adam Goldberg, who I like quite a bit. I do.

27:13🔗 Guest He'll be here any second.

27:15🔗 Adam And I just found out Dan was the voice of the Spice Channel. Is. Is, sorry, is.

27:21🔗 At one time, yeah.

27:23🔗 Adam Yeah, and how does that work?

27:26🔗 Sit in a room, watch some porn, and promote it. And just go, you know, this September. Well, you know, whatever the copy might be, you know, usually the girls say the raunchy stuff, and I just sort of say, you know, Amber or whatever their names are, you know, Ani Maal, they're fabulous names.

27:49🔗 Adam And how, you know, though, how much prodding or enticing do guys really need? It's like if I was promoting the Spice Channel, it would be like, here's the copy, porn, porn, porn, porn, porn, and then it would be like, and more porn.

28:05🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:06🔗 Adam It would say.

28:07🔗 Drew More, better, more, better.

28:08🔗 Caller And shouldn't it be a girl's voice? I mean, I'm always wondering, you know, well, I don't want to, you know, get myself out of a job, but I think they need to be enticed a little bit.

28:15🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah, I think, I think-

28:17🔗 Caller Because I usually say something-

28:18🔗 Drew Yeah, that is a little weird, isn't it?

28:19🔗 Caller I say something and then there's a moan.

28:21🔗 Adam Right.

28:21🔗 Caller And the girl says something raunchy, and then I say, come on, is that what you really think? And then you hear them say something else, and I go, well, yeah, you can hear more of that. And you know.

28:30🔗 Adam I think, you know what I think it is? I think you got a little Bob Guccione in you.

28:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

28:35🔗 Adam I mean, verbally.

28:36🔗 Caller I'm glad you said it because, you know, I used to work at Penthouse Magazine too.

28:39🔗 Adam Really?

28:40🔗 Caller So I have a whole porn thing, whole history of porn.

28:42🔗 Adam You worked there doing more voiceover?

28:44🔗 Caller I was like, no, I was 18, and I was, it was a temp job.

28:48🔗 Adam Really?

28:48🔗 Caller Yeah. My boss was like a penthouse pet in 1979. She did a lot of reaching down on the floor for pencils that had fallen. Really? Short skirts? Pencils were always falling. What a gig.

29:02🔗 Adam Is Penthouse based out here?

29:04🔗 Caller New York.

29:05🔗 Adam Oh, it is?

29:05🔗 Caller Yeah.

29:06🔗 Adam All right. Gucci Oni's got that voice, doesn't he? Not Junior, but the senior one. Bob, you know what he sounds like? You know what I'm talking about?

29:16🔗 Caller I don't think I ever heard him.

29:18🔗 Adam Really?

29:18🔗 Drew With a little accent, though, too.

29:20🔗 Adam Junior's got a little accent. I think Senior's just got a little affect. All right. When you wear enough gold, it changes your voice. Drew, how does that work? Does it absorb through the skin?

29:33🔗 Drew Magnetic.

29:34🔗 Adam Into the voice box? Oh, magnetic, I see.

29:35🔗 Caller I'm going to try that.

29:37🔗 Adam Well, look at that. Bob, Gucci Oni, Mr. T. These guys wear the most gold and have the strangest voices.

29:41🔗 Drew Actually, Mr. T is the diamond. What the hell is going on here?

29:45🔗 Adam I don't know, but don't move. Marissa? You're 12? 12. What's up?

29:51🔗 Caller Well, I hate to tell you this, but I kind of lied about my question.

29:55🔗 Drew All right, what's going on?

29:57🔗 Caller Actually, my best friend, Elise, she's like totally in love with you, Adam.

30:01🔗 Adam Right. Natural for a young girl to go through the Adam Corolla phase.

30:06🔗 Caller Whatever.

30:07🔗 Drew Is she an abusive father? Why? That's where the Adam Corolla phase usually originates.

30:13🔗 Adam It would have been great if someone would have pulled me aside, like in the seventh grade and said, look, you're not going to score for about ten years.

30:20🔗 Drew Ten years? Ten years?

30:22🔗 Adam Twenty-three years. But here's the good news. One day when you're in your mid and late thirties, a bunch of thirteen-year-old chicks are really going to dig you. So take Solace in that, my son.

30:35🔗 Caller But she swears that she's going to marry you someday.

30:38🔗 Adam Could happen.

30:40🔗 Caller And she wrote a poem for you. Can I read it for you, too?

30:43🔗 Adam Yeah. Why doesn't she call?

30:45🔗 Caller Because she couldn't get through, I guess.

30:47🔗 Caller Because me and her, we both tried to call. And I guess she couldn't get in.

30:51🔗 Drew She must be real happy that you're revealing her secrets.

30:55🔗 Caller No, no.

30:56🔗 Caller She told me to call.

30:57🔗 Adam Does she have a copy of the poem as well? Oh, I see. Smart. Okay. Well, go ahead.

31:04🔗 Caller I love the dude who beats off three times a day.

31:11🔗 Adam Since when is 2.7 times a day three? Do you know what I'm saying?

31:17🔗 Caller Okay, at least.

31:18🔗 Drew Oh, Lord Byron here. This is incredible prose.

31:21🔗 Caller And of that, he is not ashamed to say, I love the guy who always fights with Dr. Drew, and when he gets offended, says, How dare you?

31:30🔗 Adam Oh, you're so lucky you didn't use the Jew card there, because Drew goes through the roof when they rhyme that. Go ahead.

31:35🔗 Caller I'm so glad he's not married. Here's my pants. Adam Corolla, do you want to get my pants?

31:41🔗 Drew How old? She's 13?

31:42🔗 Caller No, she's 14.

31:43🔗 Adam Oh, all right. Now too old.

31:45🔗 Caller You mean granimals. How do you rhyme with granimals? Oshkosh.

31:49🔗 Caller Is she too old for you now?

31:50🔗 Adam Yeah, yeah. Twelve, too young, 14, too old. Thirteen is my wheelhouse. I like to hang around the Bot Mitzvah set, you know.

31:57🔗 Caller Can we call her?

31:59🔗 Adam Yeah, you can do that and you can tell her you were on the air.

32:02🔗 Caller Okay.

32:03🔗 Adam All right. Thanks, Marissa. Tell her thanks.

32:05🔗 Caller Okay.

32:05🔗 Adam Is my name on her shoe?

32:07🔗 Caller Huh? Yeah.

32:08🔗 Adam Yeah. Okay. That's the important part. You know, that to me is really my name on a shoe. That's a big deal. Remember in junior high, put the names on the shoes. We had Led Zeppelin, Drew, you had what? Count Basie or who did you?

32:23🔗 Drew Buddy Rich.

32:24🔗 Adam Oh, I see. Wasn't Les Brown.

32:27🔗 Drew All right.

32:28🔗 Adam Angel. Hi. You're 30.

32:31🔗 Drew It was a follow up question.

32:32🔗 Adam Oh, I see.

32:33🔗 Drew Yeah.

32:33🔗 Adam All right. What's up, Angel?

32:35🔗 Guest Well, my husband still for some reason.

32:40🔗 Drew Well, restate, reset this whole thing for us. He called us originally when? About what?

32:45🔗 Guest I think it was about a few weeks, almost a month ago, possibly. And he just has a problem that when we're having sex, it takes him forever to to adapt. I remember Angel.

32:55🔗 Adam She's like, Right.

32:56🔗 Drew Are you done yet?

32:58🔗 Guest Yeah.

32:58🔗 Adam Hello. Right.

32:59🔗 Guest I'm done. Let's go. No, I'm not that mean, but it's just also he has been starting to work on the graveyard shift. So now it's to the point where he's sleeping down here in the day. So then when I want to, you know, do our thing, it's taking him so long. So I think he's secretly masturbating. But I keep asking him, you know, are you doing that?

33:19🔗 Adam He's sleeping down here?

33:21🔗 Guest Well, I meant to say downstairs. We have two upstairs and downstairs. And he does it because we have a baby and she sometimes gets happy and giggling and he wants to sleep. But when we want to have sex, it just still takes him so long. And I think he's secretly masturbating. I don't know why. You know, I know men have to do it, but I think that might be the reason why it takes him so long.

33:42🔗 Adam Well, how old is he?

33:43🔗 Guest He's, actually now he's going to be 30.

33:46🔗 Drew Didn't we talk about you asking him not to do that? Yep. And did you? Yep.

33:51🔗 Guest I begged him, please. You know what? Oh, I forgot to tell you one thing. A couple of times when we did try to have sex, he actually came pretty quick and I was like, okay, see, I can tell you didn't masturbate. You know, you can tell because he did come faster. Then the next, I don't know, maybe a week, we tried again, you know, and it took a long time. And I go, you know what? I just realized you're masturbating. You got to stop that. You know, I'm telling him, that must be what it is. Oh, he gets this strange look like he's kind of laughing, but it's like he's trying to be serious. And each, oh, I really didn't do it. And I'm like, I know you did, please stop it.

34:27🔗 Adam But here's what I think we're all-

34:28🔗 Caller Why do men have to masturbate?

34:29🔗 Guest Is it such a different feeling, like to get off of ejaculate? That different feeling than ejaculating into a woman.

34:37🔗 Adam No, listen, sex is fine, but it's not the real thing. Put it over and over again. You ladies can't understand that concept.

34:45🔗 Guest Masturbation is, I'll tell you one thing. I masturbate too, like clitoris-wise.

34:50🔗 Adam Right.

34:51🔗 Guest And it is a really different feeling than when me and my husband have sex. Honestly, using my hand or a vibrator feels better. I don't know why.

34:58🔗 Adam Oh, feels better than sex?

35:00🔗 Guest Honestly, it gives me that really like, kind of like, you know, when you're about to come and then when you come, it's like that good feeling when you're a man, you know?

35:08🔗 Adam Hold on. Get my scratch pad, Drew.

35:10🔗 Caller It's like that.

35:11🔗 Adam This is groundbreaking. Angel, have you written any books? Do you have a publisher?

35:15🔗 Caller No. I'm just saying.

35:18🔗 Guest Is that bad or what?

35:19🔗 Adam Sorry, you're saying it feels good when you're about to come and then it feels really good when you come?

35:25🔗 Guest No, I'm just saying, you know that feeling you get right before and then when it comes, I guess I'm just not making sense.

35:30🔗 Adam Right.

35:30🔗 Caller You're making fun of me. That's okay.

35:32🔗 Drew I think Angel needs to be a regular on the show.

35:34🔗 Adam Yeah, okay. Angel, first off, guys who work graveyard whack off. I mean, that's the only perk of working graveyard.

35:45🔗 Guest My heart just went to my throat. I know.

35:48🔗 Adam You know, that's what goes on. That's all they do. That's all they do. And it's not, you know...

35:53🔗 Guest Even if they work at a place that's like...

35:56🔗 Adam Even if they were testing running shoes and ran on a treadmill for eight hours, they would beat off. That's what you do in the graveyard.

36:03🔗 Guest You mean at work?

36:04🔗 Adam At work.

36:04🔗 Drew What does he do?

36:05🔗 Guest He works at Home Depot in the hardware department.

36:08🔗 Adam Oh, yeah. I catch him all the time.

36:10🔗 Caller You mean hardware, believe me.

36:12🔗 Adam Yeah. You got the word hard right in there.

36:13🔗 Guest He works on the nails.

36:15🔗 Drew I'm hoping the air traffic controllers kind of keep it together a little bit.

36:17🔗 Adam No. That's why you never take those red eyes, because they're always beating off feverishly in the tower. That's right.

36:24🔗 Guest That's so sad.

36:25🔗 Adam That's right.

36:25🔗 Guest How are we going to have a good sex life if he keeps doing this?

36:28🔗 Adam Hey, Angel. Here's the deal. A 30-year-old man should be able to squeeze one off at the Home Depot and come back and give you some good loving. It should not be a correlation between him masturbating and never being able to come. We know guys who do this all the time. As a matter of fact, you could argue that if a guy could squeeze one off pretty quickly in the head at work, he could certainly get one off with his wife too. So there's not a total direct correlation here.

36:59🔗 Drew But I get the sense, now correct me if I'm wrong on this, that he sort of pushes back as she sort of comes, gets on him about whatever. And this is an area where he needs to pay some attention, get with it and get going and get on his game a little bit. And because she's all over him, he pushes back and just ignores it. And just does whatever he does during Graveyard. Then he's not up for a good performance when the time comes around.

37:23🔗 Adam But here's the thing, Angel, you're a little aggressive.

37:30🔗 Drew He experiences that as an intrusion. You really need to let him give him some space. When you address him...

37:37🔗 Guest Did I stop accusing him and saying would you stop after me? I can tell him and he ignores it.

37:42🔗 Drew That whole accusational tone, you got to stop all that. You got to talk more about honey, I have something very serious. This is for our relationship because I love you. You can't intrude, you can't be anxious, you can't be angry. You have to be supportive and you have to be direct.

37:58🔗 Adam You need to just take a quail and just chill out a little. But isn't it true? What do you guys think about this theory? I think when guys are married or in relationships, especially when they're living with a woman, when they masturbate, it's sort of their little retreat. It's sort of Calgon take me away. It's like a woman's bath is what a man's masturbation session is. We want to escape from the relationship, from the kids, from the wife. And the more she comes at him, the more he wants to escape.

38:33🔗 Guest Well, this is weird. This is weird. What if this is another woman-man thing, then it becomes, I like when you do it with me.

38:42🔗 Drew Masturbation? Old girls say that. Yeah.

38:45🔗 Guest But then it's like, that's great. I love doing that too, but it's not...

38:48🔗 Drew That's not masturbating.

38:49🔗 Adam You're defeating the purpose of masturbation.

38:51🔗 Guest It's just different, which is, I enjoy that thoroughly. That's great. Right. But...

38:55🔗 Drew This is back to that need that men have for diversity. Part of that is expressing, looking at something, experiencing something different. And they just, men need a certain amount of that.

39:04🔗 Adam And also, yes, men need diversity and they need to feel like they're spreading their seed around.

39:11🔗 Drew But they can contain that. They don't have to do that. They can do it by masturbating, looking at things.

39:15🔗 Guest But do women take it as an insult?

39:17🔗 Drew They don't. Again, that whole idea of sex being some sort of...

39:22🔗 Adam Why do you need a substitute for me?

39:24🔗 Guest Why do you...

39:25🔗 Caller This is somebody who is calling, who herself has a substitute.

39:29🔗 Adam She has a vibrator.

39:30🔗 Caller So the same feeling about whatever it is that is personal to you and pleasurable to you when you have your own private moment with yourself and that experience is very similar probably to why he needs that.

39:45🔗 Adam Angel needs to chill out. The guy is busting his ass. He is working graveyard. He is sorting deck screws all night. He is a pathetic guy in Home Depot. He is miserable. The kid is crying all day while he is trying to nap on the crampy sofa. Give the guy a little breathing room. Just back off. Let him jack off and give him some room. Thank you. We will be back.

40:07🔗 Caller Love Line with Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew.

40:36🔗 Adam Hey, everybody, Loveline. I'm Adam Carolla. That's Dr. Drew up there. Phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Static Axle being here tomorrow night. Richard Ruccolo and Dan Bucatinsky are both here from All Over the Guy, which is a new movie. It's coming out this Friday. It has the likes of Christina Ricci and Lisa Kudrow and Adam Goldberg, and even more people in it than that. Looks good, and I suggest you guys all go and see it. I don't know what's coming out this week. We had Kevin Smith in here last night talking about Jane, Silent Bob, but that's coming out next Friday. Right, the next one. Right, so you can see this one this Friday. All right, let's talk to Richard.

41:22🔗 Hey, how are you guys doing tonight?

41:23🔗 Adam Good, you're 20. What's up?

41:25🔗 Caller Well, the other night I was in bed with this girl. I've been dating for about 3 weeks and we haven't had sex yet. And we're getting down to business and I'm pulling off her panties and she kind of stops me and says, wait, I should tell you something. I have HPV, general warts, so I kind of freak out.

41:41🔗 Drew That's nice and responsible that you did that. You probably have it already anyway.

41:44🔗 Caller Well, no, I...

41:45🔗 Adam Drew, would you shut up with that?

41:47🔗 Drew That's true. That's the statistics. That's...

41:49🔗 Adam No, it is not. It's not more than 50%.

41:52🔗 Drew It's more than 50%.

41:53🔗 Adam No, it's not.

41:54🔗 Drew Yes, it is.

41:55🔗 Adam Not for guys who sound like Richard.

41:57🔗 Caller How is it transferred?

41:58🔗 Drew Through sex.

41:59🔗 Caller Well, we didn't have sex.

42:00🔗 Drew Yeah, but you have... you ever had sex before?

42:02🔗 Caller Yes.

42:03🔗 Drew If you're in your 20s and you live in an urban center and you have sex, the probability is you have the warts.

42:07🔗 Adam It's not higher than 50%.

42:08🔗 Drew Higher than 50%.

42:09🔗 Adam No, it is not. That's the range. You brought in some data. It's like from 30% to 46%. That's not higher than 50%.

42:15🔗 Drew It was like 30% to 60%.

42:16🔗 Adam No, it was not. Drew's got warts, everyone, and he won't rest till everyone has warts with him. Well, I'm not going down that path, mister. He checked my penis for warts. It's nothing. Squeaky clean.

42:27🔗 Drew It's true.

42:28🔗 Adam That's right. You could eat off it. I wish someone would.

42:31🔗 Drew Dup.

42:33🔗 Adam I'm sorry, Richard. Go ahead.

42:34🔗 Caller It's all right. No, this is a problem because I've been looking up information on the internet and different places. It seems like everyone has an opinion on it.

42:40🔗 Drew And you saw how common it is, right? You got that data.

42:42🔗 Caller Right.

42:43🔗 Drew Extremely common.

42:44🔗 Adam Yeah. What did you find? Did you find any statistics, Richard?

42:47🔗 Caller No, I didn't even. I mean, I was just confused.

42:50🔗 Drew If you're going to be sexually active in an urban center, you're going to get exposed to this and the way you protect yourself is you wear a condom.

42:56🔗 Caller And is that 100 percent?

42:58🔗 Drew It's not. And it will not. And if you get the ward virus, it will do nothing to you. But it will make you potentially contagious with the virus. Okay.

43:06🔗 Adam Do you like her?

43:07🔗 Caller Oh, yeah. I think she's great. But like I said, I've only been dating her for a few weeks, so I kind of put a hold on her.

43:12🔗 Drew I think it was very responsible of her.

43:14🔗 Adam Yeah.

43:14🔗 Drew And I, she's a keeper. Yeah. She ought to reject you for rejecting her in the throes of a moment.

43:20🔗 Adam Well, what did you do?

43:22🔗 Caller Oh, no. I kind of said, well, I need to think about it. I kind of mumbled something off. I was kind of...

43:30🔗 Adam You're like, how's your mouth doing? Anything going on there? No, nothing? Okay. Well, why don't you get busy and let me think. I'll tell you what would help the decision-making process. I was getting a blow job right now. Right. Hi, Richard. She's a decent person.

43:50🔗 Drew Can you get rid of them? You've got to control them because they can have more complications and spread. However, no, you can't get rid of them. You can't make them go away, even if you're always with you. The virus is always with you. But most of this does go away after about three to five years, most of the time.

44:06🔗 Adam Some of the viruses sort of like burn out and some don't. And they don't really know exactly is the point. They can't get a real good handle on this one. Emily, yeah, we're all doomed. Emily, you're 14.

44:18🔗 Caller Yeah. I have a quick question actually.

44:20🔗 Caller All right.

44:22🔗 Caller Is it true that coffee can stunt your growth?

44:24🔗 Adam No.

44:25🔗 Drew Not that I've ever seen in any sort of scientific way, but it's probably not good for you.

44:31🔗 Caller Well, I know.

44:32🔗 Adam And listen, as a chick, how big do you have to be? You know what I mean? Everyone always talks about growth stunning. But what's wrong with a little growth stunt every once in a while? You fly coach and be perfectly comfortable.

44:44🔗 Guest How tall are you now?

44:45🔗 Caller I'm like 5'4.

44:47🔗 Adam All right.

44:47🔗 Guest You're fine. Stay right there.

44:50🔗 Caller What?

44:50🔗 Caller Have a double espresso. You're fine.

44:52🔗 Adam How much coffee do you drink at 14?

44:54🔗 Caller Usually like one to two a day.

44:57🔗 Adam Not much. Are your parents alcoholics?

45:01🔗 Caller No.

45:02🔗 Adam None of that?

45:02🔗 Caller No.

45:03🔗 Drew Why do you ask that? Because she's looking for altering substances?

45:05🔗 Adam I'm just wondering. When I was 14, getting altered wasn't really something that I craved. Now, I work to get altered. As I go to work, so I can buy money for booze and drugs.

45:16🔗 Drew But at 14, you were so busy altering through masturbation, that you've had time to consider all kinds of elation.

45:21🔗 Adam Wrong.

45:21🔗 Drew That's right. You were late.

45:23🔗 Adam I didn't start till 16.

45:24🔗 Drew You caught up though, didn't you?

45:26🔗 Adam I've surpassed. I went around again. Yeah. I estimated that I missed 2,600 masturbatorial episodes from age 14 to 16 and a half. When I actually started, I made that up by the time I was 18. Well, almost 18, technically 17, yes, you're right. Very proud. Right. Thank you. But I'm just wondering, I didn't really want coffee at 14. I didn't really need it. Now, I rely on it.

45:53🔗 Guest Coffee has become very, very trendy. It's a thing now. When we were younger, it wasn't a thing.

45:58🔗 Drew Yeah, not at all.

45:59🔗 Adam I guess, yeah, right. It's like, Christ, there's Mrs. Olsen, that old hag. I'm not going to drink it in.

46:04🔗 It's crap.

46:08🔗 Adam Yeah, like coffee was something that not only adults drank, but old geriatric adults drank. Have a cup before you die.

46:18🔗 Drew It keeps you awake so you can meet your family. Right.

46:21🔗 Adam It was like those commercials, it was like, Herb never has for a second cup.

46:26🔗 Caller It sucks. It's the worst thing I've ever had in my whole life. It's clear. It came out of a packet.

46:31🔗 Adam Right.

46:31🔗 Caller Instant coffee.

46:32🔗 Drew But no, we're in the days of the percolators.

46:36🔗 Adam No, it is true. I do like the ones where the guys couldn't tell.

46:41🔗 Guest We secretly replace.

46:42🔗 Adam Right. Instant. You give me some instant coffee, you'll get a spit take with me. You'll get like spray it all over.

46:48🔗 Drew We were at the famous Blue Fox restaurant in San Francisco.

46:50🔗 Guest My sister.

46:51🔗 Drew Our secret camera recorded the reaction.

46:53🔗 Guest That's right. My sister put instant coffee in the regular coffee maker.

46:59🔗 Adam That makes sense.

47:00🔗 Guest That was delicious.

47:01🔗 Caller How many times did you do that?

47:02🔗 Guest Just once.

47:04🔗 Adam I forgot all about that. We're at Tavern on the Greenland. We've secretly replaced the four star restaurant coffee with Folgers Crystal.

47:14🔗 Caller Let's see what happens.

47:15🔗 Adam Let's interview them.

47:16🔗 Caller We're at Starbucks and we've put Senka packets in everybody's.

47:20🔗 Adam You've just paid $14 for a penny's worth of coffee, sir. All right, we're going to take ourselves a little break and we'll be back. Hey, everybody, Loveline, Static X in here tomorrow night, Richard Ruccolo and Dan Bucatinsky are in here tonight from All Over the Guy. New movie coming out this Friday in theaters everywhere. Looks good. Christina Ricci, also in this, Lisa Kudrow, and of course, Adam Goldberg, and the eccentric Adam Goldberg. Let's see. Let's hop back to the phones and speak to Brad, who's 13. 13, Brad?

48:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

48:42🔗 Adam What's up?

48:43🔗 Caller I was wondering if, like, what the side effects of tongue piercing is.

48:48🔗 Adam Pain.

48:48🔗 Drew When you're 13, you're really going to do that now?

48:51🔗 Caller Um, maybe, if the side effects aren't too bad.

48:54🔗 Adam Are you going to have a friend do it, or are you going to get it done professionally?

48:58🔗 Caller No, professionally.

49:00🔗 Adam Can you do it, a tongue at 13?

49:02🔗 Drew Your parents would have to be there, right?

49:04🔗 Caller Yeah, my dad had his pierced.

49:06🔗 Adam There's a note, there's a waiver they sign that says, I agree to the fact that I'm really high right now, and I don't give a rat's ass about my kids.

49:15🔗 Drew Yeah, and they send that right over to CPS.

49:17🔗 Adam Child Welfare. Your dad has a tongue piercing, and have you talked to him about getting one? I mean, is he cool with it?

49:26🔗 Caller Yeah, but my mom's kind of...

49:28🔗 Drew All right, well, here's the deal. There's a big artery that runs right through your tongue, that if they happen to nick it, it can swell up to the size of a softball and occlude your airway. That has happened. They frequently get infected if you don't care for them properly. They can wreck your teeth. The ones in the tip, if you mess around with it a bunch, you can chip your teeth and ruin your teeth. And otherwise, no, no, no. No other health problems.

49:50🔗 Adam What if they had one that was like some sort of time-release fluoride or something, like a kiddie one, like a fluoridated tongue barbell or something, you know?

50:00🔗 Drew Like the blue soaps you throw in your toilet bowl.

50:04🔗 Adam Yeah.

50:04🔗 Drew Yeah.

50:05🔗 Adam And I say, yeah, just hang it from your uvula or something. And hey, Brad, let's examine your dad's life for just a second here, because I don't know about the medical implications. But what's your dad do for a living?

50:19🔗 Caller He teaches golf lessons.

50:21🔗 Adam Teaches golf?

50:22🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:23🔗 Drew This guy's got a wire.

50:24🔗 Adam He's got to be the only guy in the links with a tongue piercing, by the way. Yeah.

50:28🔗 Caller He's got his navel pierced too.

50:30🔗 Adam What kind of car does he drive?

50:32🔗 Caller Cadillac.

50:34🔗 What year?

50:36🔗 Caller 2000.

50:37🔗 Adam Nice. Well, anyone can lease one of those. Is he making money?

50:41🔗 Caller Yeah.

50:41🔗 Adam You live in a house or apartment?

50:43🔗 Caller A house.

50:43🔗 Adam All right. And he's buying it or renting it?

50:46🔗 Caller Buy.

50:46🔗 Drew It's fine.

50:47🔗 Adam Okay. Well, he's doing fine.

50:48🔗 Drew He buy it or grandpa buy it? We buy it. I guess.

50:52🔗 Guest PGA card?

50:54🔗 Adam Do you have a PGA card?

50:57🔗 Caller I don't know.

50:58🔗 Adam He's not on the tour?

50:59🔗 Caller I don't think so.

51:00🔗 Guest No.

51:00🔗 Adam And what's your mom do?

51:02🔗 Caller She's just like a housewife.

51:04🔗 Adam She doesn't drive the tractor that collects the balls from the range?

51:08🔗 Caller No.

51:08🔗 Adam No. Okay. I just thought, you know, that'd be a great, that'd be a great, that'd be a great love story. Where'd you guys meet at the range?

51:16🔗 Guest He was aiming for me.

51:17🔗 That's right. It's great.

51:19🔗 Adam It's great aiming for those guys.

51:21🔗 Drew I take my kids to the driving range now.

51:23🔗 Adam You do. Do they aim for the guy who's collecting the balls?

51:26🔗 Drew No.

51:27🔗 Adam Really?

51:27🔗 Drew It's bizarre that the kids that are eight and nine are getting into golf and.

51:31🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, Tiger did it. I mean, that's, I aim for the guy who's driving that tractor, but it's so ridiculous because I'm, I'm having, I'm the only guy I know and I'm sure others have been kicked off a driving range before, but I've had the dubious honor of being thrown off of a driving range.

51:48🔗 Drew For accidentally going after the guy?

51:49🔗 Adam Or I had, no, I had shanked one too many into the tennis courts that were on the other side of the wall that they didn't think I could make it over. Not, by the way, it's not like I hit it 350 yards straight ahead and made it over the wall. I hit it, no, I hit it 75 yards south. I mean, hard, hard left and went into the tennis courts and the manager after, you know, the people that were playing tennis had complained and finally came over and he was sort of sympathetic about the whole thing. He was like, just listen, if you hit one more into the tennis court, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. And I teed the ball up and pow, right, and it was one of these great things too because there wasn't even a discussion. He sort of hung his head, I packed up my clubs quietly and started heading for the parking lot.

52:34🔗 Drew Were your friends laughing their ass off?

52:36🔗 Adam I brought a handful of balls to throw into the court as I was leaving.

52:39🔗 Caller Have you thought about playing tennis maybe? You might be in the wrong game.

52:45🔗 Adam I'm sorry you've been thrown off the tennis court. The guys in the driving range are tired of you hitting balls on the other side.

52:49🔗 Caller But the tennis team wants to talk to you.

52:52🔗 Adam Yeah, who else has been thrown off a range? You figure a range like one of those places where you could just tee it up and go nuts.

52:59🔗 Caller I get so frustrated I just throw the balls with my hand and I get kicked off every time.

53:03🔗 Adam Yeah, I am so pathetic. The greatest thing I ever saw was at the Griffith Park driving range, the guy who used to collect the balls had a cot mattress strapped to his back, a motorcycle helmet on, and a rake and flat shovel. Wow.

53:22🔗 Guest Was there a bullseye on the mattress?

53:23🔗 Adam About ten years ago, an imaginary one that everyone who was at the range had painted on. But talk about a gig. A cot mattress on your back, he worked with his back to the golfers and he was out there collecting by hand. They were like, look, we can spend $3,500 bucks for a John Deere ball tractor, or we can get the retarded guy for $6 an hour, do just about as good a job.

53:47🔗 Guest And you know what, not masturbating on those shifts.

53:50🔗 Adam No, no, difficult, difficult. Yeah, you really like ninja-type concentration.

53:54🔗 Drew You contemplate in keeping the mattress strapped to your back so you can just get down and go anytime you want to.

54:00🔗 Adam I like to nap, you know, when I'm out. You never know when the mood is going to hit you. At the mall, at the batting cage.

54:07🔗 Drew Melissa.

54:09🔗 Guest Yes.

54:09🔗 Adam You're 21.

54:10🔗 Caller What's going on?

54:12🔗 Caller It's really weird.

54:13🔗 Guest Whenever my boyfriend sucks on my breast and I kiss him afterwards, he has a really strange aftertaste in his mouth, and it's the taste is very, very similar to the taste that you get when you're smoking pot.

54:29🔗 Drew Do you smoke a lot of pot?

54:31🔗 Guest No, not a lot. I'd say maybe three times a month at the most. Not a lot.

54:38🔗 Drew There's no sort of temporal relationship between when you taste this and you having smoked pot?

54:44🔗 Guest No. I've thought of everything like my diet, the soap that I use. It doesn't seem to matter which soap I use.

54:53🔗 Drew Is he getting something out of you? Is he aware that something's coming out?

54:57🔗 Guest No, nothing is coming out of my breath. Whenever he sucks on it, and I'm trying to figure out, I mean we've been together for two and a half years. I'm trying to figure out if it is actually just a reaction in his mouth because I can't remember with previous boyfriends if they ever had that. But it's the weirdest thing because his breath even smells like it.

55:17🔗 Drew Maybe he's smoking a lot of pot.

55:19🔗 Guest No, he doesn't. We do it together and we don't smoke it that often. So I'm curious to know if it's, I mean it tastes just like that, the cotton mouth that you have when you're done smoking pot. It's just really weird taste and it's not good. And I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of it and why I have it.

55:38🔗 Adam Well I have a theory which is, well two theories. One is, could it be that the first time it happened...

55:48🔗 Guest Psychosomatic.

55:49🔗 Adam Right, like, you know sometimes different smells or different feels...

55:52🔗 Guest And now every time she thinks about it, psychosomatically, she's getting the... I sound like Dr. Drew.

55:57🔗 Adam Yeah, she's getting that sensation.

55:58🔗 Guest He's getting that sensation. Or he's sucking all the saliva out of his mouth as he's sucking on your breast and that's the cotton mouth he's getting. It's the only two solutions I have.

56:08🔗 Adam Right, it couldn't be anything coming from your breast and there's nothing on your skin.

56:12🔗 Guest No, no it's not. And the thing is, we both will talk about it, you know, he'll suck on my breast and then we'll kiss and I'll just look at him and he goes, I know, what is it? And I don't know, I don't know why it tastes like that.

56:23🔗 Caller Well, do you wear a hemp bra?

56:26🔗 Adam That was theory number two. No hemp bra? No. There's only one scientific way to figure this out and your boyfriend is going to have to be very secure but a stranger is going to have to suck on your breast and then you're going to have to make out.

56:40🔗 Drew No, no, he has to suck on multiple women's breasts and then you have to check up on her.

56:45🔗 Adam Good point. Good point. Yes, Drew's right. He's a doctor.

56:48🔗 Guest So do you think that it's probably his reaction to my breast or my breasts are just funky?

56:56🔗 Drew Melissa, I don't think we can help on this one. It's a fascinating problem but I don't think we have an answer. But the only thing I can tell you is that marijuana is highly fat soluble. If there is something coming out of you, it could have potty and if you smoke a lot or had smoked a lot of it one time.

57:15🔗 Adam Are there large deposits of fat in the breast?

57:18🔗 Drew Yes.

57:18🔗 Adam I mean...

57:19🔗 Caller Not in these breasts.

57:21🔗 Adam You have small breasts?

57:22🔗 Guest No.

57:23🔗 Caller No.

57:24🔗 Adam I don't mean your breasts are out of shape. I just mean...

57:27🔗 Guest I'm saying I have smaller breasts.

57:29🔗 Drew Okay.

57:30🔗 Adam Yeah. That's what I said.

57:31🔗 Caller Have you tried like not smoking pot for a good six weeks and then...

57:34🔗 Caller Yeah.

57:34🔗 Drew Cause potty...

57:35🔗 Caller No.

57:35🔗 Guest I mean, it'll be months. Like we can not do it for three months and it'll still have that funny taste to it.

57:41🔗 Adam All right.

57:41🔗 Drew Oh, wait.

57:42🔗 Guest Listen.

57:42🔗 Drew Here's another caller. It's got a funny boob smell taste.

57:45🔗 Adam Really?

57:46🔗 Drew Yeah. Here.

57:46🔗 Adam All right.

57:47🔗 Guest Really?

57:47🔗 Guest Here.

57:47🔗 Drew Hold on. Hold on.

57:48🔗 Guest All right.

57:48🔗 Guest Okay.

57:49🔗 Adam All right.

57:49🔗 Drew This is interesting.

57:51🔗 Adam It should be interesting, but you know it's not going to be. Maria. I've learned from doing the show. Almost nothing is interesting.

57:58🔗 Drew Maria.

57:58🔗 Adam Certainly nothing we label as interesting before we hear it. Maria.

58:03🔗 Caller Yes.

58:03🔗 Adam You're 32?

58:04🔗 Caller Yes.

58:04🔗 Adam What's up with the breast?

58:06🔗 Caller Well, like I was saying to the person who answered, I've had that same experience with the odor. And then now that I've breastfed, that odor also came back. So I think it's just, I don't know, something with the saliva.

58:20🔗 Drew And what is the odor?

58:22🔗 Caller Kind of like what she's describing.

58:24🔗 Caller You know, kind of like the pot smell.

58:27🔗 Adam Do you smoke pot?

58:29🔗 Caller I have in the past just a few times.

58:31🔗 Drew Would you have described this as a marijuana smell or taste if she hadn't brought it up in that context?

58:38🔗 Caller No.

58:38🔗 Drew How would you describe it?

58:43🔗 Caller How would I describe it? Just kind of, I remember thinking at the time, you know, with my partner just kind of being embarrassed, like, what's that odor?

58:52🔗 Drew And it was from his mouth after it had been on you.

58:55🔗 Caller Yeah.

58:56🔗 Adam All right. Well, yeah, but there are things that smell like other things sometimes, right?

59:01🔗 Drew Yeah, of course. No, nothing. Everything has its own unique smell.

59:06🔗 Adam I know. But you know what I'm talking about, and I agree with Richard when he agreed with me, which is, you'll find I'll always tend to agree with other people when they float my theories, which is, once you get it in your head that this is what this is, then it is, but even a different flavor is kind of strange, even if it's not marijuana.

59:29🔗 Drew I'll tell you what does live around the breast, and the folds is yeast and the skin. I wonder if they get a little yeast going there.

59:36🔗 Adam But she has small breasts, so she probably doesn't have folds there.

59:39🔗 Drew Let's ask her if there's a fold.

59:41🔗 Adam No folds.

59:41🔗 Drew Maria?

59:42🔗 Adam Oh, is it Maria?

59:43🔗 Drew No, Melissa, I'm sorry.

59:44🔗 Guest Melissa.

59:45🔗 Adam Any folds in the breast?

59:47🔗 Guest No.

59:48🔗 Drew You can't put a pencil under them.

59:50🔗 Guest No, I wish.

59:51🔗 Adam Okay. All right.

59:53🔗 Guest Well, thanks anyway.

59:54🔗 Adam What about one of those little pencils they give you for the golf? The golf pencil.

59:58🔗 Guest Probably a golf pencil.

1:00:01🔗 Adam I would like a full-size. You know, you pay like 180 bucks to shoot around a golf. Give me the regular size. I'm not going to stab anybody while I'm out there. You know, that little funky, like kindergarten funky pencil. I give you like that half pencil. And you have trouble holding it. It's always kind of lame when you're writing everyone's name down and you're holding it in the palm of your hand. I'd like a full size pencil with a little eraser.

1:00:23🔗 Guest You feel illiterate when you start writing. You can't write anymore.

1:00:26🔗 Adam Right, right. I wonder what's wrong with the full size there.

1:00:29🔗 Drew But since you're literally a millionaire, you can demand it.

1:00:32🔗 Adam I'm going to start bringing my own pencils to the golf course. Rich?

1:00:36🔗 Hey, what's going on, Adam?

1:00:37🔗 Adam What's up?

1:00:38🔗 Hey, now that you're a self-proclaimed millionaire, what kind of car are you driving?

1:00:41🔗 Adam It is self-proclaimed, but literally a millionaire, literally.

1:00:45🔗 I believe it.

1:00:45🔗 Adam You know that, right? Yeah, literally a millionaire.

1:00:48🔗 What did you get for the 1-800-Collect commercials?

1:00:49🔗 Drew A couple hundred grand?

1:00:50🔗 Adam Two hundred and fifty grand.

1:00:52🔗 Drew You did not.

1:00:54🔗 Adam What?

1:00:54🔗 Drew That is disgusting.

1:00:55🔗 Adam I did five and a half or six of those commercials.

1:00:59🔗 Drew I know they were very difficult work.

1:01:01🔗 Adam It was.

1:01:02🔗 Caller Hey, what did that other guy get with the glasses?

1:01:04🔗 Caller What did he get, like fifty bucks?

1:01:06🔗 Adam Oh, Sean, Sean Hayes?

1:01:09🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:01:09🔗 Adam I don't know.

1:01:10🔗 Drew Probably more.

1:01:11🔗 Adam You know, I couldn't figure out what happened with Sean Hayes. I was supposed to do these 1-800-Collect commercials with Sean Hayes.

1:01:18🔗 Guest Sean Hayes from Will and Grace?

1:01:19🔗 Adam From Will and Grace, yeah. Just before he won the Tony or whatever.

1:01:24🔗 Drew He was playing me.

1:01:26🔗 Adam He was playing Drew. Oh, no, he wasn't. The point is, we did these commercials together. I was supposed to do six of them. He was supposed to do six of them too, as far as I knew. We did the first three together and then he was gone. Then I did the last three alone. I don't know if they cut him loose or he quit or what the deal is, but my fear and suspicion is that he got paid anyway, and they just canned him. Nothing better than that. In show business, they take that as an insult. But what other business do they pay you out that contract? But what question, Rich? Yeah, I want to ask you what kind of car you drive. What kind of car?

1:02:04🔗 Or cars?

1:02:05🔗 Caller Yeah, I heard...

1:02:05🔗 Adam I'm literally a millionaire now, literally.

1:02:07🔗 The screener told me, yo, there's something about a Jag and a Beamer.

1:02:10🔗 Adam That's right.

1:02:11🔗 What do you got?

1:02:12🔗 Caller You said like an M3?

1:02:13🔗 Adam I got a new M3. What year? 2001? 2001.

1:02:17🔗 Caller Oh, a 333 horsepower inline-6?

1:02:20🔗 Adam That's right.

1:02:21🔗 Caller Oh my god, that's got to be sweet, Adam.

1:02:22🔗 Adam It's very nice.

1:02:23🔗 Caller Did you pay a premium for that or did it...?

1:02:26🔗 Adam I paid like three grand over sticker. Nice. What about the Jag? What do you got there? I got the XJR. Sorry, XK. Oh, wait, XJR. Yeah, sorry, Ford R. The Ford R, okay. Supercharged.

1:02:40🔗 Supercharged.

1:02:41🔗 Adam 370. Four liter. Aluminum block and heads.

1:02:44🔗 And Drew, you got the Caravan or the Windstar?

1:02:47🔗 Adam Drew took a donkey here. His wife takes all the money and gives it to the UCLA alumni.

1:02:58🔗 Caller Adam, I just want to say you deserve it 100%.

1:03:00🔗 Adam That's right. That's right. Thank you. I also have an 89 M3 too. Do you? Yeah. Nice. Yeah. It's a good car. The box players and everything. I got the Alfa Romeo.

1:03:10🔗 Caller Yeah. You don't care.

1:03:11🔗 Adam Yeah. It's young. Thanks, Rich. All right. Thanks, man. Take care. All right. Let's talk to-

1:03:17🔗 Guest You should get free cars. I mean, you're really sure.

1:03:20🔗 Adam Yeah. Once in a- I hear those stories.

1:03:23🔗 Guest I know of other DJs and other people on the radio who are getting free cars.

1:03:27🔗 Adam What?

1:03:27🔗 Guest Oh, yeah.

1:03:29🔗 Adam Listen, I hear these stories where like, I don't know who I was talking to, but like Ben Stein's publicist or something, I'll call Cadillac and work something out where he just drives a Seville around for a year and then has to give it back or some nonsense like that. There's all sorts of crap going on out there. Drew, who gets less junk than us? I mean, there's tennis shoes to be had, celebrity tournaments to be played in. You get nothing.

1:03:57🔗 Drew I came close to a pair of Levi Jeans missed out.

1:04:01🔗 Adam Right. Once every three years, producer Ann comes in here and goes, Doc Martin wants to give you guys some shoes. And Drew goes insane.

1:04:10🔗 Drew Yeah. I still wear them.

1:04:11🔗 Guest That's what I wear.

1:04:12🔗 Drew Yeah, but the ones that they gave us to use.

1:04:13🔗 Adam Usually they come back like four sizes wrong.

1:04:15🔗 Drew No, no. I wear the Doc Martens every day.

1:04:18🔗 Guest I've seen that more Doc Martens come. Well, that's how it works.

1:04:21🔗 Drew They're indestructible and I need shoes like that.

1:04:23🔗 Caller If you guys got a call tomorrow from the hemp bra people, you should grab it because I'm only surprised.

1:04:30🔗 Adam Dan is not only the voice of the Spice Channel, but he also is the voice of the hemp bra community.

1:04:36🔗 Caller I wasn't going to say anything, but you know.

1:04:38🔗 Adam I think I caught you at a rally once.

1:04:40🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:04:41🔗 Adam I was pretty baked.

1:04:41🔗 Caller I wasn't sure.

1:04:43🔗 Adam All right. Let's talk to Todd.

1:04:46🔗 Caller I was burning my bra.

1:04:47🔗 Adam I love those. You know, Abraham Lincoln had a hemp bra. Okay. Right. I understand.

1:04:52🔗 Drew Now, Adam, be very kind to Todd. He's 37.

1:04:54🔗 Adam 37.

1:04:54🔗 Drew He only has a couple of years left.

1:04:56🔗 Adam What's up there?

1:04:57🔗 Drew You know what I'm saying?

1:04:58🔗 Caller Yes, man. 37. That's not that old.

1:05:01🔗 Adam No.

1:05:02🔗 Drew Yeah. But for someone named Todd, Adam has a theory.

1:05:04🔗 Adam Yes. No, no man named Todd has lived past 40. It's not lived to see his 40th birthday. I forgot about that. Yeah.

1:05:13🔗 Drew That's what I was alluding to.

1:05:14🔗 Adam Yeah. Yeah. Start making that will out, Todd. It's over.

1:05:18🔗 Caller All right. I'll get to it.

1:05:19🔗 Adam There's no grandpa Todd. There's no old man Todd. There's no one named Todd is like in his 80s, just chewing and spitting and trying to think of an old Todd and Yuri.

1:05:32🔗 Caller I can't think of one.

1:05:33🔗 Adam No, no, doesn't exist. Sorry, Todd.

1:05:36🔗 Caller I think it was the fad name of the year I was born. There were like four Todd's in my graduating class.

1:05:41🔗 Adam Oh, did you say fag name or fad name?

1:05:43🔗 Caller It just, that was the year.

1:05:46🔗 Adam Rationalize all you want, but I'm just saying make arrangements.

1:05:50🔗 Drew All right. What's the question?

1:05:52🔗 Caller Okay, so I've had a long dry spell with regard to dating. And so, you know, I'm looking at trying to improve my chances. I'm maybe looking for a professional coach or something.

1:06:04🔗 Caller What?

1:06:06🔗 Caller Well, you know, just to help me figure out better ways to approach women.

1:06:11🔗 Drew Why don't you, if you really are desperate, why don't you pay money and go to one of those dating services, those online services, get matched up with someone?

1:06:18🔗 Caller That's an idea, but, you know, I think, you know, one-on-one coaching can't hurt. So anyway, I'm looking in the back of one of the bar magazines, you know, the kind.

1:06:25🔗 Drew He's building to a punch line here.

1:06:27🔗 Adam He's got to be.

1:06:28🔗 Caller This is not a punch line. But there's a section in there. I mean, there's obviously the erotic massages, there's the legitimate massages. Somewhere in there, I see ads for, there's two titles that I never seen before. One is sexologist. Is that a real medical thing?

1:06:46🔗 Drew No, that's not a medical degree. But it's a degree.

1:06:48🔗 Adam It's also airing on Playboy, I think, on Sexology.

1:06:53🔗 Caller And the other one is surrogate.

1:06:55🔗 Adam Yes. Now you're on the money.

1:07:00🔗 Caller So what's that?

1:07:01🔗 Adam A sexual surrogate is basically a whore with a degree. A prostitute is employed by a psychiatrist and psychologist rather than a pimp. The psychologist is her pimp. That's basically how that works.

1:07:14🔗 Caller Really?

1:07:15🔗 Adam Yeah. It's a great scam. It's like I'm having trouble with my wife. I'm not being... She's not receptive enough. Well, I want you to bang Tammy over here. And I knew somebody was a sexual surrogate, actually.

1:07:27🔗 Drew Really? What'd she do?

1:07:28🔗 Adam She had sex with guys.

1:07:29🔗 Drew But I mean, what does she like? What's the deal?

1:07:31🔗 Adam She smelled good.

1:07:32🔗 Drew Tell me.

1:07:33🔗 Adam Clean, man.

1:07:35🔗 Drew What did she... I mean, what's her deal?

1:07:36🔗 Adam Well, you know they're always screwed up. You gotta be whacked out to do this for a living. And I don't think that this is as popular as it was ten years ago.

1:07:45🔗 Drew Because it doesn't do anything.

1:07:46🔗 Adam Right. But it's like a legitimate way to have sex with somebody other than your wife or in Todd's case, just somebody. Right? But just go to a prostitute, would you? You want to learn something or do you want to get laid?

1:08:02🔗 Caller Well, I want to learn how to get laid.

1:08:05🔗 Adam Okay. Well, what do you do for a living?

1:08:08🔗 Caller Well, I'm one of those dot comers. I'm a computer guy that got lured to San Francisco and I get here and I find out that it's the driest place I've ever lived.

1:08:16🔗 Adam Oh, man. Right. But you have a good job.

1:08:20🔗 Drew He has no job, that's what he's telling you.

1:08:22🔗 Caller No, no, no. I have a great job.

1:08:23🔗 Adam You have a great job. You drive a nice car. You have a nice place.

1:08:27🔗 Caller I drive a nice car. I live on a sailboat.

1:08:30🔗 Adam You live on a boat. That's cool. It's like a riptide. Beautiful. It could be nothing better than that. All right. Now, just meet. Do you have any interest beside the computers?

1:08:42🔗 Caller Well, sailing. I do some skydiving.

1:08:47🔗 Drew Smoke a little pot.

1:08:48🔗 Caller No, I don't do any drugs at all. I'm asthmatic. I can't.

1:08:51🔗 Adam All right. Hold on. Todd is nerd guy. He's not pot guy. He's asthmatic.

1:08:58🔗 Drew You know what I'm saying?

1:08:59🔗 Adam He's a computer guy. You know what I'm saying? He's not getting chicks because he's nerd guy. What's going on? Hey, Todd.

1:09:07🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:09:09🔗 Adam Todd, the best way to meet women is to do it, doing something you like, you know, that sort of non pressured sort of environment, the mutual interest sort of environment, any sailing clubs or anything like that you can get involved with. What about your friends? You should have friends who should help you.

1:09:27🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, they're all nerds, too. And here's the thing. As a.com or I've been working so long and so hard, I don't remember how to talk about anything but work.

1:09:35🔗 Adam Right. Well, talk about your boat. Use that boat, by the way. Use the boat. The boat is a great angle.

1:09:42🔗 Guest Women are suckers for boats. Yeah.

1:09:44🔗 Adam A boat is got to be better than like a puppy at the park.

1:09:48🔗 Guest It screams success.

1:09:50🔗 Adam It really does. Living on the boat, that's like a real romantic. It's very romantic. Right. Yeah. Get them on the boat. And I don't know where I just-

1:09:59🔗 Drew Make them dinner on a boat.

1:10:00🔗 Adam Yeah. But who's them? Where does he meet them? That's what his question is. He must work with a lot of women.

1:10:06🔗 Drew He's got to make more time. He's got to look at that as part of his career, meeting people, put a little energy into that, balance the life out a little bit.

1:10:13🔗 Adam Yeah. You know what's always funny about the nerdy guys is they just want to read a textbook on meeting chicks or getting laid.

1:10:18🔗 Drew The manual. He wants the manual.

1:10:19🔗 Adam Find an instructor to tell them how to get laid. Anne?

1:10:23🔗 Caller Yes.

1:10:23🔗 Adam You're 21?

1:10:24🔗 Caller Yeah. Basically, I'm like confused and like feeling a little depressed right now. My boyfriend who I was with for seven years just spoke up with me. He says that like he, I'm all he knows and that he needs to go out there and meet more people.

1:10:38🔗 Caller And he's right.

1:10:40🔗 Drew That's a healthy impulse and you need to do the same thing.

1:10:43🔗 Caller But I mean, I'm so sure like he's the one for me.

1:10:46🔗 Drew All right.

1:10:48🔗 Adam We got to take a break. We're going to kill ourselves though. Okay. So we won't come back.

1:10:52🔗 Drew We're going to talk to you.

1:10:53🔗 Adam You're going to finish the show for us though, Anne.

1:10:54🔗 Caller Okay.

1:10:55🔗 Adam All right. Well, you're with this guy since 14.

1:10:57🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:10:58🔗 Adam All right. When did you break up?

1:11:00🔗 Caller Just like on Monday.

1:11:02🔗 Adam Nothing worse.

1:11:03🔗 Drew Nothing worse. Is your first and only break up with this guy in seven years?

1:11:06🔗 Caller I broke up with him once. We were apart for a year. He never saw anybody else. I did and he feels like.

1:11:13🔗 Drew Was that his idea to break up then too?

1:11:15🔗 Caller No.

1:11:16🔗 Drew Okay.

1:11:16🔗 Adam Why did you break up with him the first time?

1:11:19🔗 Caller We were just, I don't know, arguing and it was a long time. It was four years ago.

1:11:23🔗 Adam All right. Hold on a second there, Ann. Nothing worse for a guy. You've been with a chick for seven years. You broke up once for a year. You basically spent that year reflecting and beating off. She started dating other guys during that. Then you get back together and it's like, this is your only love. You've never been with anybody else and you feel like now you're down one and this is the way it's going to be. That's probably his mentality. He's probably right too. We'll take a little break. We'll get to the bottom of it after this.

1:11:52🔗 Caller 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:11:54🔗 Adam We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. Loveline. I'm Adam Corolla. That is Dr. Drew. Over there, phone number 1-800-LOVE-191. Dan Bucatinsky and Richard Ruccolo are both here, and they're both representing All Over the Guy, which is coming out this Friday in theaters everywhere, also with Lisa Kudrow and Christina Ricci and Adam Goldberg.

1:12:49🔗 Drew Drew, you ready? We're finishing with Ann.

1:12:50🔗 Adam Oh, right. Ann?

1:12:52🔗 Drew Yes.

1:12:52🔗 Adam Okay, so it's a very painful time because you were in a relationship for 7 years, and your boyfriend just called it off.

1:12:58🔗 Drew Yeah, so much of yourself is tied up in this. Really, during your development, you've been a couple developing, not just yourself with a separate sense of who you are. Now all of a sudden, you're disconnected from that, and you've got to figure out what to do. It's going to take a little time to get over this.

1:13:12🔗 Caller You see, he tells me that he knows that he wants me as his wife, and he wants me in his future. He knows that, but he just needs this break right now.

1:13:21🔗 Drew I think it's unfair of him to say that to you, even though he might feel that. I don't not believe him. But this is what guys do. You know, the thing with guys is, it's not about who they're with that determines when they're going to get married.

1:13:35🔗 Adam It's about when they're with them.

1:13:36🔗 Drew It's about when they're with them. Are they ready? When a guy is not ready, he is not ready. That is going to be a failed marriage, guaranteed, and many a guy laments not having been ready when he was with a particular girl. He was sort of the one that got away, but still doesn't wish he got married then because he knows it wouldn't have worked. Guys have to get certain things out of their system. They have to get their S together, figure out who they are.

1:13:58🔗 Adam Those are basically semen and the AIDS virus. Those are the two things that guys have to flush out of their system, sometimes hepatitis, before they're ready to settle down and marry.

1:14:10🔗 Drew He's being honest and he's probably being healthy and it's unfortunate, it's painful. The unfair part is he's stuck with you so long.

1:14:16🔗 Adam What does he do for a living?

1:14:17🔗 Caller Well, we both go to college together.

1:14:19🔗 Adam Alright, he's not, he's not, community college?

1:14:21🔗 Caller No, it's a university.

1:14:22🔗 Adam Which one?

1:14:23🔗 Caller Cal State LA.

1:14:24🔗 Adam Still community college. He won't get life.

1:14:26🔗 Caller It's not a community college.

1:14:27🔗 Adam Don't worry, no one else will have it.

1:14:28🔗 Caller Okay, but see, I don't know how, like, I mean, do I keep him as a friend?

1:14:33🔗 Drew Six months, cold turkey.

1:14:34🔗 Caller Run.

1:14:36🔗 Drew Six months.

1:14:38🔗 Guest What was the line in Adam Goldberg's line, in All Over The Guy? He was not just one one.

1:14:43🔗 Caller It's not just one one. There's fractions of ones, halves of ones, quarters of ones. It's just about being open to someone, becoming the one because there could be a million ones. Right. This guy is the one. Six months from now, eight months from now, he'll be back. He'll be back.

1:14:56🔗 Drew You can't think that way. You just got to get out of your life.

1:14:59🔗 Adam Well, let's use your logic for second hand and get philosophical about it. How can one be the one and break up and not come back?

1:15:09🔗 Drew Right. The future determines it.

1:15:13🔗 Guest This is your test to actually see if he is the one.

1:15:16🔗 Drew Right. The future will determine whether or not he is the one.

1:15:18🔗 Adam Comes back, he's the one and if he doesn't...

1:15:20🔗 Caller It's not the one. It's A1. There's so many.

1:15:22🔗 Adam Like the steak sauce.

1:15:25🔗 Caller Like A1.

1:15:27🔗 Guest Such a crap joke.

1:15:29🔗 Adam It really is horrible.

1:15:30🔗 Drew You're reaching now, dude.

1:15:31🔗 Adam You know what sucks, though? It's true. I was in... You get very into that sort of soulmate cramp and the one and all that grown up and all that fairy tale stuff. And then you go to Canada for a week and you see some totally hot piece of ass walking down the street and you go, Jesus Christ, I'm in Canada and I could marry this one here. If I lived here, that's who I'd be chasing her around and then she would be the one. Yeah.

1:15:53🔗 Caller There's one in every city.

1:15:54🔗 Adam Right. Right. Not as many in Mexico, I've found. I've done some traveling.

1:15:59🔗 Caller More in Mexico.

1:15:59🔗 Adam More in Canada. Just border towns normally. I think they're more in from the border. You got to get farther in.

1:16:06🔗 Drew More ones.

1:16:06🔗 Adam More ones. Yeah.

1:16:08🔗 Drew More ones that are tens.

1:16:09🔗 Adam That's right. That's right. There's more ones by the border, but the rates are higher. All right. All right. Come on. Two hours to kill here every night. Tommy?

1:16:18🔗 Caller Hello?

1:16:19🔗 Adam Tommy, you're 16.

1:16:20🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:16:22🔗 Caller I just saw the best episode of Family Guy I've ever seen.

1:16:24🔗 Adam You did?

1:16:25🔗 Caller It was where you played death.

1:16:27🔗 Adam Was that on tonight?

1:16:28🔗 Caller Yeah, it was.

1:16:29🔗 Adam Oh, good. I love the Family Guy.

1:16:32🔗 Caller And Residuals. It was awesome.

1:16:34🔗 Adam Was it a... Oh, do I get Residuals? Was I death throughout the thing?

1:16:38🔗 Yeah.

1:16:39🔗 Adam Or was it just death for a minute?

1:16:41🔗 Caller No, you were in the whole episode.

1:16:43🔗 Adam Oh, I was?

1:16:44🔗 Yeah.

1:16:44🔗 Adam Oh, good times.

1:16:45🔗 Caller Yeah, it really was.

1:16:46🔗 Adam Okay. Well, I'm kind of... I'm happy but disappointed because I taped it, and I want to go home and watch it, but now it's one I've seen because they gave me that tape.

1:16:54🔗 Caller Right.

1:16:55🔗 Adam Yeah. Well, good. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I really enjoy the family guy, and I was flattered that they asked me to go on the show, even if they wanted Norm MacDonald first. Okay. Thanks, Tommy.

1:17:05🔗 Drew No problem.

1:17:06🔗 Adam Take care. Good times, right?

1:17:07🔗 Drew Yeah. Tommy, how could you tell it was Adam, by the way? His voice is nothing distinctive about it.

1:17:12🔗 Adam Oh, I've been looking forward to this episode. I'm so rangy. Yeah.

1:17:17🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:17:17🔗 Adam Did I do my proper English or is it the French accent? Which one?

1:17:22🔗 Caller Right. I heard about it on the Internet.

1:17:25🔗 Caller Oh, really? The new season is coming out and I saw your name in the credit.

1:17:28🔗 Adam Oh, good times. I had no idea that one was coming out.

1:17:32🔗 Caller Really?

1:17:32🔗 Adam You guys ever watch that show?

1:17:34🔗 Guest No, but I'm sure you were fantastic.

1:17:37🔗 Adam I was hilarious.

1:17:38🔗 Guest When did you do it?

1:17:40🔗 Adam The thing that's weird about The Family Guy, and I guess Fox is this way. The Family Guy, I did this show over a year ago.

1:17:49🔗 Guest Then they wait for the animation?

1:17:51🔗 Adam No, it takes a long time. They didn't cancel it. They put it on Hayes for like a year. But they said, don't worry, we're coming back. But it sat around for like a year. Now they're coming back. How long many seasons was Two Guys and a Girl? Five?

1:18:07🔗 Guest Four?

1:18:08🔗 Adam You guys are going to get in the syndication?

1:18:11🔗 Guest It'll still sell. It would have sold better if we had one more season. We're all crossing our fingers for one more.

1:18:16🔗 Adam How many episodes did you get?

1:18:18🔗 Guest It's like driving a car off the lot. It lost a lot of value by not having a fifth year.

1:18:23🔗 Adam Right. I mean, you got what? 50 episodes?

1:18:26🔗 Guest 81.

1:18:26🔗 Adam Oh, you got 81?

1:18:27🔗 Guest 81. It just sold. It just found out two days ago. It just sold. They just said the first sale was in England. They just sold like all 81 episodes in England. And I'm sure it'll be on TNT.

1:18:38🔗 Caller They love you in Bangladesh.

1:18:39🔗 Guest I'm huge in Bangladesh. But me and Melissa Milano.

1:18:42🔗 Caller Well, All Over The Guy comes out in Bangladesh. You won't be able to travel there.

1:18:47🔗 Adam A hundred is sort of the magic mark for that.

1:18:50🔗 Guest And you know what? You sell the show while you're in your fifth season. So the show starts to syndicate while it's still on the air. It makes it a lot more valuable. Once the show is canceled, it kind of... Right.

1:19:03🔗 Adam But I have seen like I've seen actions syndicated on like FX or whatever the hell it's on. And they had like 12 episodes or nine episodes.

1:19:12🔗 Guest Hours are so hard to syndicate though. I mean, where do you put them?

1:19:16🔗 Adam I mean, what network do you put them on?

1:19:18🔗 Guest Yeah, it's for, you know, not like the Channel 5s here in LA or, you know...

1:19:23🔗 Adam Well, they do like, you know, Caroline in the City. They do everything.

1:19:27🔗 Guest No, the hour shows. Oh, hour shows.

1:19:29🔗 Adam Oh, hour.

1:19:30🔗 Guest Because the hours, you know, hours do these huge yearly arcs. So it's really hard to syndicate them because you're watching everything out of order and...

1:19:38🔗 Adam Right. Right.

1:19:40🔗 Guest Right.

1:19:40🔗 Adam All right. Yeah. You're screwed. You're screwed. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry about that.

1:19:44🔗 Drew Uh, Nadia, Nadia.

1:19:48🔗 Caller Oh, hi.

1:19:48🔗 Adam What's up? You're 14.

1:19:50🔗 Caller Yeah. Well, I'm so sorry. I had to lie to your producer because my friend, she loves Adam. Yes. And she's the one that wrote the poem.

1:20:01🔗 Drew A poem. Another poem. Another one?

1:20:03🔗 Guest Oh, there's the same person?

1:20:04🔗 Caller No, this is her other friend.

1:20:07🔗 Adam Okay.

1:20:08🔗 Caller Okay. She's right here. And she really, really wants to talk to Adam.

1:20:11🔗 Drew Is this the girl that wrote the poem?

1:20:13🔗 Caller No, she's right here next to me. And she's like so nervous she's shaking.

1:20:17🔗 Guest Elise, is that her name?

1:20:18🔗 Caller Elise, yeah.

1:20:19🔗 Adam Hold on, hold on. Nanny, where's the poem? Where's the poem? Where is it?

1:20:25🔗 Caller Her best friend has it.

1:20:27🔗 Adam Okay, but it's the same poem, right?

1:20:29🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:20:29🔗 Adam Just want to make sure I'm not missing a poem.

1:20:31🔗 Caller No.

1:20:32🔗 Adam It's all good.

1:20:33🔗 Caller Okay. It's because we have two copies.

1:20:35🔗 Drew Oh, okay. Write that down.

1:20:37🔗 Adam Two copies.

1:20:38🔗 Drew They can have two copies.

1:20:39🔗 Adam Two copies, four? What would one copy be? Two? Two copies is three.

1:20:44🔗 Drew There's one original and two copies.

1:20:45🔗 Adam Pair of copies?

1:20:46🔗 Caller Pair of copies is four.

1:20:47🔗 Adam All right, Nadia. Who am I talking to?

1:20:49🔗 Caller This is Nadia. And Elise wants to talk to you. She's so nervous.

1:20:54🔗 Adam Put her on. Did you hear what kind of car I drove?

1:20:57🔗 Guest What?

1:20:58🔗 Adam You know, I'm on Family Guy.

1:21:02🔗 Caller That's Cars.

1:21:03🔗 Adam Cars. Right. Right.

1:21:05🔗 Caller Hello?

1:21:06🔗 Adam Hello.

1:21:06🔗 Caller Hi.

1:21:07🔗 Adam Who's this?

1:21:08🔗 Caller This is Elise.

1:21:09🔗 Adam Hi, Elise.

1:21:09🔗 Caller Hi.

1:21:10🔗 Adam Did you write that poem?

1:21:11🔗 Caller Yeah, I wrote that poem.

1:21:12🔗 Adam That was lovely. It was moving. The jack off and the pants and everything. It was great.

1:21:17🔗 Caller You're always talking about how you beat off three times a day.

1:21:21🔗 Adam Four times a show is not always, honey. Okay.

1:21:24🔗 Caller All right. I just want to say that I love you like so much.

1:21:28🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:21:30🔗 Caller And that I think you guys are the best and you're so hot.

1:21:33🔗 Adam Thank you.

1:21:34🔗 Caller Even though you're like older than me.

1:21:36🔗 Adam Oh, okay.

1:21:37🔗 Caller That's okay.

1:21:38🔗 Adam I love you. I thought she was going to go to the Brillo head. All right. Thank you.

1:21:43🔗 Caller Okay. Did you like my poem?

1:21:45🔗 Adam Yes. It was beautiful.

1:21:46🔗 Caller And I have your name on all of my shoes.

1:21:49🔗 Adam Oh, thank you. Even the dress ones?

1:21:51🔗 Caller No.

1:21:52🔗 Adam Yeah. Put it on your dress ones.

1:21:53🔗 Guest I'll put them on the bottom.

1:21:54🔗 Adam Okay. Thank you.

1:21:55🔗 Guest There's a demographic somewhere that there's a crossover from you to Drew. Did you ever notice that?

1:22:01🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:22:01🔗 Guest What is that age?

1:22:02🔗 Adam It's not an age. It's an IQ thing more than a chronological age.

1:22:07🔗 Guest It's a line in the sand, though.

1:22:09🔗 Adam Right. Yeah. Well, I think the ones that are troubled like me more.

1:22:16🔗 Caller The size of the school bus, I think. Right.

1:22:18🔗 Adam The shorter bus.

1:22:19🔗 Caller The shorter bus.

1:22:20🔗 Adam Folks are big fans of mine. All right. Drew, we're going to take a little break here. All right. We'll be right back.

1:22:28🔗 Caller Love Line, Love Line, 1-800-LOVE-191.

1:22:31🔗 Adam We'll be right back. Love Line, y'all. I'm Adam. That's Drew. Richard Ruccolo is here, and so is Dan Bucatinsky. Both from All Over the Guy, which is out the 17th, this Friday. You've seen the commercials, now you go see the movie. That's the way it works. All right. Let's keep moving forward and speak to Michelle. Michelle is 15. Michelle?

1:23:23🔗 Caller Hi.

1:23:25🔗 Caller I have this problem. I've been going out with this guy for a couple of months now, and we're friends and everything. We're more than friends. We're a boyfriend and girlfriend, but he doesn't treat me like a girlfriend. He never says I'm pretty, and I don't...

1:23:39🔗 Drew Now, how do you know who your boyfriend or girlfriend is?

1:23:41🔗 Adam Well, plus you may not be a looker. I mean, you don't know.

1:23:44🔗 Drew How do you know your boyfriend or girlfriend? Have you had that talk?

1:23:47🔗 Caller Yeah, we talked about it and everything. I mean, yeah.

1:23:50🔗 Drew Okay, your boyfriend or girlfriend. Do you kiss?

1:23:53🔗 Caller Yeah, we kiss once in a while.

1:23:54🔗 Drew Is it that he is unable to express the kinds of things you expect from a boyfriend?

1:23:59🔗 Caller Yeah, I mean, I'm not like a tramp like Britney Spears or anything, but I'm a little pretty. I'm wholesome.

1:24:06🔗 Adam You're wholesome.

1:24:07🔗 Drew Yeah. What does he... What is it you expect from him?

1:24:10🔗 Caller I don't know, you know, like a typical boyfriend thing, you know, being nice, you know, like once in a while bringing a rose.

1:24:16🔗 Adam Yeah. Would you just kiss? And what's the furthest you've gotten with him?

1:24:19🔗 Caller We just kiss because I'm wholesome. I'm not a tramp.

1:24:22🔗 Drew What does he do that isn't enough?

1:24:25🔗 Caller Well, like...

1:24:26🔗 Adam Is there a wholesome celebrity you could liken yourself to so I could get some reference points?

1:24:31🔗 Caller Wholesome celebrity?

1:24:32🔗 Adam You're not like Britney Spears. I understand that.

1:24:36🔗 Caller All right.

1:24:37🔗 Adam Like Adam Greenberg or someone like that? Who's Greenberg?

1:24:44🔗 Caller Adam Greenberg is not that wholesome.

1:24:45🔗 Adam No.

1:24:46🔗 Guest And also not in All Over The Guy.

1:24:47🔗 Adam That's right. Sorry. Hey, Michelle?

1:24:50🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:24:51🔗 Adam Is he 15?

1:24:52🔗 Caller He's 16.

1:24:54🔗 Adam Is he kind of dorky?

1:24:55🔗 Caller Not really.

1:24:56🔗 Adam I know you don't think so, but what about the rest of humanity?

1:24:59🔗 Caller He's more of like a punk person.

1:25:01🔗 Drew Oh, well, punk guys are kind of angry, and they may not be so adept at expressing affectionate feelings.

1:25:09🔗 Adam What is he into? Is he into the punk scene and music and everything? Yeah. He dresses that way?

1:25:14🔗 Caller Yeah. You know, with the bondage stuff.

1:25:16🔗 Caller Oh, God, he's so hot.

1:25:17🔗 Drew That's somebody who's angry. Why are you surprised, Michelle, that somebody who's angry has difficulty being sort of kind and intimate?

1:25:23🔗 Adam Should the wholesome gal be up with the bondage guy?

1:25:27🔗 Drew Isn't that the typical thing?

1:25:29🔗 Adam I guess.

1:25:30🔗 Drew Especially someone who keeps reminding you how wholesome she is. Get what I'm saying?

1:25:33🔗 Guest Pretty spears love bondage.

1:25:35🔗 Adam Let me explain the punk lifestyle. It's not about flowers and forget-me-nots. You understand? It's about spitting on people.

1:25:42🔗 Caller I spit often. I mean, I'm not like going out there in like a see-through shirt and shorts that go up my ass or anything.

1:25:49🔗 Drew Back to I'm wholesome. I'm wholesome. I'm wholesome.

1:25:50🔗 Caller You see that?

1:25:51🔗 Adam You know, we talked to 15-year-olds that sound like they're 25, and then we talked to 15-year-olds that are like eight. I think Michelle's like falls into the eight category. Like, hey, Michelle?

1:26:03🔗 Caller Also. So can you guys like not pick on me tonight?

1:26:06🔗 Adam No. It's too late. Game on. What? Are you in the 10th grade?

1:26:10🔗 Caller Yes.

1:26:10🔗 Adam All right. So you're in high school.

1:26:12🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:26:12🔗 Adam You sound very naive. I know you're wholesome.

1:26:15🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:26:16🔗 Adam Well, what's up? I mean, you really sound like a little girl. Where's your dad?

1:26:19🔗 Caller Where's my dad?

1:26:20🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:26:21🔗 Caller Oh, he's in my life. I mean, my mom and dad are divorced, but I see him all the time, and he's a really great guy.

1:26:28🔗 Drew How old were you when they divorced?

1:26:29🔗 Caller How old was I? I don't even remember when they got divorced.

1:26:32🔗 Adam Okay.

1:26:32🔗 Drew All right. Well, how old were you?

1:26:33🔗 Caller Like, two.

1:26:34🔗 Adam All right. He doesn't drink. He's a good guy.

1:26:36🔗 Caller He's a very good. He's an awesome dad.

1:26:38🔗 Adam Okay. Why are you with the punk guy? He doesn't treat you right.

1:26:42🔗 Caller Well, he's really attractive. I know that's like a wrong thing to go for.

1:26:45🔗 Caller Right.

1:26:47🔗 Caller His personality is pretty cool. I guess he's just not really like a romancer type.

1:26:51🔗 Drew No, he doesn't treat you right.

1:26:54🔗 Adam Well, maybe he doesn't know. Why don't you tell him what you want? I know you hate to do that, but tell him what you want and give him a chance to do right by you. And then if he doesn't do it, you can break up, all right?

1:27:05🔗 Caller Okay.

1:27:05🔗 Adam All right, give him that chance. All right.

1:27:08🔗 Caller Thanks.

1:27:08🔗 Adam All right, say hi to Mrs. Beasley for me.

1:27:11🔗 Caller Who the hell is she?

1:27:12🔗 Adam No, Mrs. Beasley was the...

1:27:14🔗 Caller Muffin lady.

1:27:15🔗 Adam She was the doll from Family Affair.

1:27:18🔗 Drew Yeah, yeah, yeah. She had Mrs. Beasley.

1:27:20🔗 Adam Mrs. Beasley.

1:27:22🔗 Caller That's right.

1:27:22🔗 Adam Yeah.

1:27:24🔗 Drew Muffin.

1:27:24🔗 Adam What's her name? Muffin was the older hip sister who was going out on lots of swingin dates.

1:27:30🔗 Drew That's another e-true Hollywood story is those kids, right?

1:27:33🔗 Adam Yeah. They were a mess. Yeah. I think Muffin killed herself. And then...

1:27:38🔗 Drew Well, Muffin did or the little kids did?

1:27:40🔗 Adam Muffin is the little girl.

1:27:41🔗 Drew Okay.

1:27:42🔗 Adam She ended up killing herself, I believe. And Mr. French turned out to be Puerto Rican. I remember that was a big scandal in the mid-70s, early 80s. Tracy?

1:27:54🔗 Caller Hey, hey, Adam, I love you.

1:27:57🔗 Adam Hey, love you.

1:27:58🔗 Caller And I have a question for Dr. Drew. My breasts are like pretty small. I'm 17. And I was just wondering, like Dr. Drew, what is like the age that girls usually stop developing?

1:28:17🔗 Caller Because everybody...

1:28:19🔗 Drew Some do around 18. Some are up to 21. Really?

1:28:22🔗 Caller Because like everyone else in my family is like C, whatever, you know? And I'm like barely in like the little B category. I only have one aunt with like the small boobs. And I'm hoping I didn't get like her traits.

1:28:36🔗 Adam Make sure she knows that.

1:28:38🔗 Caller But also like I have another aunt that my mom told me about that like was pretty small. And then around like, yeah, like 20, 21, she just like boom, you know?

1:28:47🔗 Drew Yeah, that can happen.

1:28:48🔗 Adam I had this replace boob with penis. I had the same conversation with my dad.

1:28:53🔗 Drew Except it never happened.

1:28:54🔗 Adam Uncle Ralph from Philadelphia. Hung? Come on, dad, be honest. Like, what are we talking? We talking like a can of corn or what kind of girth?

1:29:03🔗 Drew You know, we call him Uncle Ralphie.

1:29:06🔗 Guest Did you weigh it?

1:29:09🔗 Adam Seriously, because I'm feeling like I'm getting screwed. I'm 37. Well, I'm poised to make my move. Drew says I'm still growing until I'm 40.

1:29:17🔗 Caller I think I deserve the bigger boobs because I'm like tall. You know, it just looks so much nicer.

1:29:21🔗 Caller Yeah, but then you smell like marijuana. That's right.

1:29:25🔗 Adam Right in the folds.

1:29:26🔗 Caller You should be happy with.

1:29:27🔗 Adam You lose all your golfing pencils in them. Tracy, you're tall, you're slender. Yeah. That's fine.

1:29:34🔗 Drew It'll be good. Don't worry.

1:29:35🔗 Caller All right. I guess as long as my boyfriend likes him.

1:29:38🔗 Adam Yeah. He likes him, right?

1:29:39🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:29:40🔗 Adam Yeah, that's fine. You know, the thing is too is girls with smaller or a little more modest up top, have so much more freedom when it comes to, they can go play beach volleyball.

1:29:51🔗 Guest They can be ballet dancers. Right.

1:29:53🔗 Adam They can participate in things.

1:29:55🔗 Guest Gymnastics.

1:29:56🔗 Adam Yeah. They're sports. They can rappel off of rocks and stuff like that. The chicks with the big jugs, they can't do that stuff. Actually, I wish they do. I'd like to see them try. Jenna?

1:30:09🔗 Caller Yes?

1:30:10🔗 Adam You're 14?

1:30:11🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:30:12🔗 Adam Yeah. What's up?

1:30:13🔗 Caller I think my boyfriend might be gay.

1:30:16🔗 Adam Why is that?

1:30:17🔗 Caller Well, we've been having oral sex lately, and it's just not doing anything. It means it's a lot different than what he usually does, and it's just gotten really bad. I called his house once and this guy answered.

1:30:36🔗 Adam Was his name Bruce?

1:30:38🔗 Caller What?

1:30:39🔗 Adam No. Is Bruce not the gay name anymore?

1:30:41🔗 Caller What's the gay name?

1:30:42🔗 Guest Bruce is the gay name.

1:30:43🔗 Adam Oh, still the gay name?

1:30:44🔗 Guest Well, yeah, because it just lifts at the end really well.

1:30:47🔗 Adam What were you talking about? Oral sex? Yes.

1:30:51🔗 Drew Why don't I believe this at all?

1:30:52🔗 Adam I don't know. You give oral sex to him?

1:30:55🔗 Caller No, he gives it to me.

1:30:57🔗 Guest And he's not doing it right?

1:30:58🔗 Adam He doesn't do it in a gay way?

1:31:01🔗 Drew What?

1:31:02🔗 Caller Well, I don't know. He's just not doing it like what he normally does anymore.

1:31:07🔗 Drew Where do you live, Jenna?

1:31:09🔗 Caller I live in Portland.

1:31:10🔗 Drew You live with your family?

1:31:12🔗 Caller Yes. He owns a really small apartment.

1:31:17🔗 Drew You live with your family, your parents?

1:31:19🔗 Caller Yes.

1:31:19🔗 Drew You live with them?

1:31:21🔗 Adam How old is your boyfriend?

1:31:24🔗 Caller Does he have a subscription to Martha Stewart's Living?

1:31:26🔗 Drew Why do I get like foster child from her?

1:31:28🔗 Adam I don't know.

1:31:30🔗 Guest Is there something else? Why you think he's gay?

1:31:34🔗 Caller Yeah, I went over to his house once, and then I found some boxer shorts on the ground, and they weren't even his. They weren't even his size.

1:31:42🔗 Drew This is either totally bogus or so detached and disorganized that there's something very, very wrong here.

1:31:47🔗 Adam You found a straight over to his house. Does he live with his parents?

1:31:52🔗 Caller Well, he has this friend, and his friend is like 18, and he lives with him in this apartment, and it's in this really big, big apartment building, and he lives there.

1:32:05🔗 Adam I'm waiting for her to start working in a wolf in grandma's house. Hey, Jenna?

1:32:11🔗 Caller Yeah?

1:32:12🔗 Adam You sound confused.

1:32:14🔗 Caller Well, I'm just really freaked out. I mean, I really liked him, and it's just really weird, and this is like all-

1:32:21🔗 Adam Why is he living out of the house at 16?

1:32:24🔗 Caller His parents interrogate him a lot, and he doesn't really like it because they think he might be on drugs, but he's not, and they're always questioning him, and he didn't like it, so he moved out.

1:32:35🔗 Drew That's the time when people move out.

1:32:37🔗 Adam No, this guy's troubled. He's a troubled guy, wouldn't you say?

1:32:42🔗 Caller He doesn't do drugs or anything.

1:32:44🔗 Adam I know, but he's a troublemaker, this guy. I don't trust this guy. There's something going on here.

1:32:50🔗 Drew There has to have been some abuse in the home for him to run out at 16.

1:32:53🔗 Adam You're 14, and his technique orally has changed over the past weeks. Can you slow it down a little, Jenna? What's up with you?

1:33:02🔗 Drew You were raised by your parents, right?

1:33:04🔗 Caller Yes.

1:33:05🔗 Adam Your dad's around?

1:33:06🔗 Caller Yes.

1:33:07🔗 Adam What's he do?

1:33:09🔗 Caller He works at a store.

1:33:10🔗 Caller He works at a plumbing equipment store.

1:33:14🔗 Adam Does he drink?

1:33:15🔗 Caller No.

1:33:16🔗 Adam He doesn't do anything? No. We ever raped or abused or anything?

1:33:23🔗 Caller Yeah.

1:33:24🔗 Adam How old were you?

1:33:26🔗 Caller I think I was about seven, I guess, by my stepbrothers.

1:33:29🔗 Adam Stepbrothers.

1:33:30🔗 Drew I thought you said you were raised by your parents.

1:33:32🔗 Caller I was. My parents split up when I was about three, and my stepmother was a help to them.

1:33:40🔗 Adam And so did your stepbrothers do this for a while?

1:33:44🔗 Caller Actually, it was just one time. My parents still don't know about it.

1:33:49🔗 Adam But you were seven years old? Yeah. That's a big deal. You gotta tell somebody about that, Jenna.

1:33:56🔗 Drew You got a lot of stuff going on, Jenna. You gotta take care of yourself. This guy is not the answer. This guy is part of the problem.

1:34:03🔗 Adam Whether he's gay or not is really not one of your big problems right now. There's other issues to work on, okay?

1:34:11🔗 Caller Okay.

1:34:12🔗 Adam Listen, don't get pregnant. Do you hear me?

1:34:14🔗 Caller I always use protection whenever I have an earthquake.

1:34:16🔗 Adam Okay. You're a teen, baby. Get your grades up and get the hell out of that Portland. Well, actually, stay in Portland. It's nice. But just get out of that house. Go to Corvallis. Right. Talk to your counselor. Get some counseling. You got to deal with this rape thing at 7. That's traumatic. How old was your stepbrother?

1:34:35🔗 Caller I think he was my... I think he might have been like 10 or so. I really...

1:34:40🔗 Adam All right. Take care of yourself, please. And think about the kind of guy, the kind of 10-year-old boy and what the hell's going on with dad and the family. And we both got the weird vibe out of her. Oh, yeah. All right. We'll take a break. Well, there you go. Another famous Loveline episode, Safely In The Ground, All Over The Guy is the name of the movie. It is out this Friday. Please go out and see it. I want to thank Dan and Richard for coming by. Thank you for having us. And anytime there's another project.

1:35:47🔗 Drew Or not.

1:35:48🔗 Adam Or not.

1:35:49🔗 Drew I just want to come by.

1:35:50🔗 Guest Like Dave and Adam Goldberg who hasn't showed up.

1:35:53🔗 Drew That's right. When Adam's talking to us about you, you can just march right in.

1:35:56🔗 Guest We'll come in with him. Talk about me. I'll get my car.

1:35:59🔗 Adam So until next time, it's Adam Corolla for Dr. Drew saying, Mahalo.

1:36:03🔗 Caller This has been Loveline. The opinions expressed on this show are not necessarily those of the staff, management, sponsors, or this station. The producer for Loveline is Ann Wilkins Engel. Loveline is a presentation of Westwood One Entertainment.

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